#i think this is fairly well written which is rare for me to say because a lot of the shit i write is complete garbage

[sha-n-dowbannedlol]

Wriothesley — the art of body language

cw: feat neuvillette, references to neuvi's story quest (sorry, i just finished it, loved it very much) other than that nothing rlly, just fluff

an: i cant believe i havent written anything for wrio yet??? thats unacceptable, considering i main him (and jing yuan too, all because ono daisuke voices them... jotaro brainrot goes crazy)

It had come to Iudex Neuvillette's attention that there is still much he needs to learn about the enigma that are humans. Following his recent revelations as to his role in Fontaine and relationship with its citizens, he thought it'd be nice if he gets to know them better.

It hadn't escaped his knowledge that sometimes, things would fly over his head. Things said in jest, he ends up taking seriously before realizing at a later time that it was in good humor.

Sometimes, he doesn't realize that his silence had ended up causing the other party feel awkward, and even then, he doesn't know what to do or talk about when they do.

And so, he started by studying the little things. Their expressions, their body language—It had first came up in a conversation with the head nurse of the Fortress of Meropide, Sigewinne.

During one of her rare vacations where she visits the overworld and checks on the Chief Justice in worry that he may be overworking himself again.

Sigewinne talks about the things she has learned from observing the expressions from the workers in the Fortress, and with her observant gaze, she notices just how interested the Chief Justice seems even if from an outsider's point of view, he just looks like he's sporting the same, neutral expression.

At that, Sigewinne brought it upon herself to share the things that she has learned, but he can see the slight furrow on Neuvillette's brow, his fingers on his chin, deep in thought as he tries to picture out the expressions that she's describing.

Thinking to herself, the head nurse thinks of someone that she can describe well enough but also someone that Neuvillette knows fairly well to help him picture out what she's saying—and one person easily comes to mind.

"Take His Grace, for example." Sigewinne mentions, and the Iudex looks up with his eyes widening the slightest bit.

"Wriothesley?" He echoes.

"Yeah!" The melusine chirps happily, smiling widely at Neuvillette.

"If you show him that one human you always send from the Gardes, you can notice a few things from his body language that you wouldn't notice if you're not looking closely."

Which leads to the mentioned Duke now sitting in Neuvillette's office in Palais Mermonia, a tea cup in hand. After all, if Neuvillette were to learn, it'd be better if he sees it for himself, no?

Wriothesley was in the middle of his sentence when a knock reverberates in the room, coming from the door to the entrance to the office. Still holding onto his teacup, the Duke glances at the door, before looking back at the man before him, not surprised by the knock at the very least, as if he had been expecting it.

"Monsieur," Wriothesley spoke in his usual polite tone towards the Chief Justice, "Are we expecting someone else?"

His icy gaze are calculating as they meet Neuvillette's gaze, the Iudex shaking his head, sighing as he looks back to meet the man's calculating gaze.

"Pardon me, it's just some business. It'll be quick." Neuvillette apologizes politely, to which Wriothesley nods and shrugs, taking a sip from his tea cup. Taking that as his 'go ahead' signal, the judge turns his head to his office door and spoke.

"Please, come in."

Neuvillette was quick to glance at Wriothesley from the corner of his eyes as the door opens. And as you came into view, he notices the way the Duke's eyes widened slightly in surprise, quietly choking on his tea but managing to gather himself again in a split second.

"Chief Justice." You spoke in a formal, polite tone, eyes glued to the man who nods in return, before you eventually noticed the other person in the room.

Again, Neuvillette observes Wriothesley.

"Your Grace," You also greet the Chief Justice's guest politely.

True to Sigewinne's words, The Lord Incognito sat with his back a little straighter, his chest puffing out as he oh so gently puts his tea cup down on its saucer, his voice laced with a tad bit of warmth as he spoke your name in greeting.

"Is it a bad time?" You asked, eyes glancing over the tea cups laid on the table between the two men, "I'm sorry for interrupting your meeting."

But before Neuvillette could reassure you that you weren't at fault, and that it was all his for having called for you, Wriothesley was quick to respond.

"Nonsense," Wriothesley didn't even hesitate to reassure you that he doesn't mind, a small genuine smile gracing his lips. "We're just sharing some words over tea, would you like a cup?"

"Thank you, Your Grace. But I couldn't possibly." You respond as you take steps closer, closing the door behind you as you fully enter the office.

"I insist." Wriothesley hums, already reaching out for a third tea cup that has been conveniently brought out by Neuvillette despite the fact that there were only two of them.

You raise your hand, about to protest but was cut off by the Chief Justice, your boss himself.

"You're no strangers to each other, please do share a cup," Neuvillette spoke as he looked at you with a nod before standing up from his seat. "Excuse me while I look for the file that our latest convict needs—I seem to have mixed it with other files."

An obvious lie. The Chief Justice is a neat person, everything has a place and everything is in their rightful place, but neither of them questioned it as Neuvillette offers his seat to you before moving over towards his desk where the paperworks to process the latest criminal lay.

He took this opportunity to study the scene before him, as he pretends to shuffle papers here and there.

Diluted pupils. Eye contact. Mirroring your actions. A smile never leaving his face. Leaning on the table. And.... uh huh. That's the third time Wriothesley tried to fix his hair in the past five minutes.

Neuvillette blinks as he observes the way the Duke handles himself around your presence, and he is sure that if Wriothesley had a tail, it'd be wagging happily right about now.

Eventually, the Iudex returned to rejoin your small party. A small smile was plastered on both your and the Duke's faces as you engaged in your own little world, both pairs of eyes landing on him as he penetrated your little bubble.

"I've found it," He spoke in his usual neutral tone, and you gave him a nod.

The ever gentleman that he is, Neuvillette thought nothing of it as his hands moved with sophisticated grace, pulling your chair out for you and offering you his hand to help you stand. He was just being polite. And being used to his actions, you didn't hesitate to take his hand as you stood. But...

Ah.

Neuvillete can't help but notice Wriothesley's gaze fixated on your hand in his grasp, the smile on his face gone, just his pale, icy gaze staring a hole into the Chief Justice's fingers around your hand.

Tense. On guard. Almost reminiscent of a guard dog meeting a stranger and gauging whether they are a threat or not.

Interesting.

The man let go of your hand to give you the paperwork you had come for, giving you another nod, your gazes now locked with each other's.

"Here you go,"

"Thank you, Monseiur."

You receive the files, opening your mouth to bid your farewell to both men in the room when the sound of the chair sliding against the floor sounded, and both your attention snapped towards Wriothesley who was letting out a loud sigh.

"Ah, would you look at the time?" Wriothesley suddenly announces loudly, as if making sure both of their attentions are on him. "It's getting late."

Neuvillette's head subtly tilts to the side in curiosity at Wriothesley's sudden actions. Trying to figure out what has the man so tense, quietly thinking to himself.

Is this what they call envy? No, envy isn't precisely the correct term...

Ah. Jealousy. That's the term.

"I should get going. Thank you for this afternoon, Monsieur Neuvillette." The Duke spoke, approaching the both of you, snapping the said man out of his thoughts, who turned to face him.

"The pleasure was all mine. I'm grateful for your time as well," The Chief Justice responds,

"I'll be on my way as well," You spoke your farewells to your boss, and Neuvillette watched as Wriothesley turned to face you this time, speaking your name in a soft tone.

"You'll be escorting an inmate to the Fortress, no?" Wriothesley spoke with a slight hint of amusement in his voice, his eyes on you as you nodded to confirm his questions.

"I am, but I'd have to pick them up first." You respond as you turn to walk towards the exit, Wriothesley hot on your heels like a puppy happily following its owner

"I'll go with you, then."

"That might not be a good idea, Your Grace. They might get intimidated."

"Well, they'll just have to deal with it, won't they? They'll be seeing more of me in Fortress of Meropide; they should get used to it."

Neuvillette watched your exchange, the Duke opening the door for you, closing it behind him, and your voices became muffled. The Hydro Sovereign stands in place, placing a hand on his chin as he thinks.

"And what kind of emotion does Wriothesley portray when around them?" Neuvillette had asked Sigewinne after she happily detailed every minuscule movement that Wriothesley does consciously and unconsciously in your presence.

"That is what humans refer to as romantic love." Sigewinne beams up happily at him, and he nods, making sure to make an internal note of that.

"So that was love." Neuvillette nods to himself, eyes still glued to the door where you and Wriothesley exited. Funnily enough, Wriothesley wasn't the only one he ended up observing.

From his observations, he can quickly tell that you had the same body language as the Duke throughout your entire conversation, a stark contrast to your more rigid and mechanical body language when speaking to him.

That day, oh so casually, the Chief Justice confirmed and gave his judgment on both of you based on the observed facts.

"They're in love with each other." Neuvillette concluded.

"And neither of them know."

[zukosdualdao]

so, this post was originally born from a post i saw a couple of months ago that was deriding people for criticizing katara’s main role in lok being a healer when that was never all she wanted to do but liking the scene where she heals zuko in sozin's comet. at the time i thought about responding directly and decided against it, but i have since scanned through transcripts of every instance (i could find; it's possible i could be missing something) of katara healing someone in the show and how they respond. (you know, like a normal and well-adjusted individual. lmao.)

anyway, aside from katara explicitly stating that she doesn’t only want to be a healer, another aspect of why people don’t like that this is how her story goes in lok is because of the way healing is treated in the atla narrative.

Katara: Aang, you're burned! Let me help you. [Katara heals the burn on Aang's arm.] Aang: Wow, that's good water. Sokka: When did you learn that? Katara: I guess I always knew. Sokka: [Sarcastically.] Oh ... Well then thanks for all the first aid over the years. Like when I fell into the greaseberry bramble. [Angrily.] Or that time I had two fishhooks in my thumb!

this comes, of course, after aang accidentally burns katara and she learns she can heal through her waterbending by healing her own hands. then (after comforting aang despite being the one who got hurt, not that i'm bitter), she heals aang after he gets burned in his fight with zhao. and like... there's not so much as a cursory thanks in this scene.

to be clear, because i can already hear some responses in my head and i am making a preemptive strike: i'm not saying that when other characters don't thank katara for her healing, they're like, the worst people ever for not doing so or there aren't other ways at different times where they show their appreciation. what i am saying is that it feels like this sets up a long pattern of katara's healing specifically being taken for granted, and it makes me especially uncomfortable when i see her healing as a sort of metaphorical parallel to the emotional labor often expected of her in the show, especially because this and being The Avatar's Girlfriend/Wife is more or less what she's relegated to in post-canon.

also, i have to note sokka's line here. i don't want to come down on him too hard for this, because it's obviously being written humorously (and does genuinely make me laugh, for what it's worth, if just for the inherent ridiculous nature of two fishhooks), but his sarcastically saying thanks for all the help over the years when katara says she always knew (which is supposed to be her saying it just somehow instinctively came to her) does feel like another mark in this pattern. but i also really read this as sokka trying to lighten the mood after a Difficult (TM) day, so i cut both him and the writers some slack for it.

Meanwhile, back at the Outer Wall, Katara attempts to heal a member of the Terra Team. General Sung: What's wrong with him? He doesn't look injured. Katara: His chi is blocked. [Stops healing.] Who did this to you?

i find it interesting that katara has sort of naturally fallen into a token team healer role, to the degree that we don't even see them ask for her help or her agree to it; it's just automatically assumed that she will. and i mean, on the one hand, it's fairly standard to have an Assumed Healer in a fantasy action setting like this, where people will get hurt in combat and therefore the narrative needs someone whose job is to help them. the problem for me is that the show kicked up such a fuss about how women shouldn't just be allowed to be healers, and yet it's still the role no one but katara ever fills. aang is also a waterbender! why couldn't she have taught him healing, too? i genuinely think it would have added a lot to the story, but katara is The Girl (TM), so healing is what she (and only she) does, what's expected of her, and again, with very rare thanks for it.

Katara stares open-mouthed at Jet, her hands hovering near her mouth in shock. Snapping out of it, she withdraws water from her water skin, with which she covers her hands, and it begins to glow as she kneels down next to him. Cut to a shot from over her shoulder, with Jet glancing at her while she rubs her hands over his chest in an attempt to heal him. After rubbing his chest three times, the glow fades, the water stains Jet's clothing, and Katara looks back over her shoulder toward the rest of the group. Katara: This isn't good. Smellerbee: You guys go and find Appa. We'll take care of Jet. Katara: We're not going to leave you. Longshot: There's no time. Just go. We'll take care of him. He's our leader. They stare at Longshot in surprise. Jet: Don't worry, Katara. I'll be fine. [Smiles a little.]

Cut to a closer shot of Katara placing Aang's body on Appa. Katara opens the vial around her neck and uses water healing on Aang's wounded back. The rest of Team Avatar, Kuei, and Bosco all look sadly and in anticipation. The glowing from the spirit water stops, and Katara starts crying, assuming that it was not enough to save Aang. Aang's tattoos glow for a second and Aang groans. Katara, overcome with joy that Aang is alive, looks at him, who smiles a little, and she holds him closer.

writing about these together because i have less to say about them. i'm definitely not going to fault jet for not thanking katara when she tries to heal him as he literally lay dying, or aang for not having the mind to do so after she brings him back. but i am still going to fault the narrative for putting her in a position where healing is just inherently expected from her and yet very rarely allowing her to feel the emotional toll of that or to feel constricted by it. and when she does struggle against the weight of it (not necessarily of being a healer, but of being expected to be kind and good and uncomplicated with no room for other aspects of her identity, which are very tangled up in why she is The Healer) in episodes like the runaway or in the southern raiders, she just... does not receive a lot of support from the people she should be most able to rely on.

Katara: Maybe we should go upstairs. [Helping Aang up.] You need a healing session. Back in Aang's room on the ship. Katara bends some water onto the scar left by Azula's lightning attack. Katara: Tell me where the pain feels most intense. Aang: Mmm, a little higher. Uhhh! Aang briefly flashes back to the battle at Old Ba Sing Se where he rose into the Avatar State, then back to reality. Aang: Wow, you're definitely in the right area there.

not much to say here, it's just another instance where it would have been so easy to slip one thank you in, and the writers just... do not. the reason i think it bothers me so much with aang specifically is because katara is supposed to be both aang's physical healer and his emotional crutch in a way that she's not written as being for, say, toph or sokka. he's sometimes shown appreciation for her emotional support, but he still comes to rely on and expect it in ways that do not always feel healthy, and knowing that, it bothers me that he shows even less appreciation for her healing, because it's just what katara is there for.

A figure resembling the Painted Lady glides over the water on a carpet of fog and enters the village. She steps into a hut where several people are sleeping on the floor, and bends over each of them in turn, healing them with a blue glow. Her last patient is the mother of the little boy seen earlier, her son sleeping at her side. He wakes as the Painted Lady turns to go and silently follows her out the door. Little boy: Thank you, Painted Lady.

this is a genuinely sweet scene in which katara does receive appreciation and genuine thanks for her healing, but i think it's also worth noting that katara is not being recognized as herself here. still, i am genuinely very glad that it's included in the episode because (again, unless i am missing something) it is the first time katara gets thanked for her healing.

The scene cuts to show Appa landing on the edge of the battlefield. Sokka and Katara help Hakoda onto the ground, and Katara starts trying to heal him. Katara: How does that feel, Dad? Hakoda: Ah, a little, better. I need, to get back to the troops. [Attempts to stand but is too weak to.] Ahh! Katara: You're hurt, badly. You can't fight anymore. Hakoda: Everyone's counting on me to lead this mission Katara, I won't let them down. [Attempts to stand again but can't.] Ahh! Sokka: Can't you heal him any faster?

they're in a high intensity situation, and sokka is Stressed because hakoda is supposed to lead the mission, so i, like, Get It, but "can't you heal him any faster?" does strike me as another moment in which katara's healing is being taken for granted. i think it's something that would bother me a lot less if this was an isolated incident in the writing, but *gestures vaguely at whole post*.

Sokka: [Brightening.] Dad! [Rising and approaching the two.] You're on your feet again. Hakoda: [Sitting down; somewhat weakly.] Thanks to your sister.

that being said, in the next hakoda and katara scene, there is this very sweet moment, where hakoda might not be thanking katara directly but is showing a lot of appreciation and admiration for her skill in healing (and though she's not in the dialogue i included, she's around to hear it, which makes me happy.)

Katara: It's gonna take a while for your feet to get better. [Stops healing.] I wish I could have worked on them sooner. Toph: Yeah, me too.

once again, i'm not gonna fault toph for wishing katara could have healed her feet sooner, because she's been in pain all night, but the writers could have very easily (as they could have in any of these scenes!) chosen to include a perfunctory 'thanks' here, and they just didn't. i know this is getting repetitive, but i swear it's because it's largely more me being mad at the writers than the characters, lmao.

there are also a couple of scenes in which katara doesn't heal anyone, but her healing gets brought up by aang.

Aang: He doesn't look sick. You okay, buddy? [Appa groans and Aang pulls out Appa's purple tongue.] His tongue is purple! That can't be good. Katara, can you heal him?

to be fair, aang asks here, and it's not like aang gets defensive or angry when katara says appa needs medicine (and also to be fair, appa's not even actually sick, lmao, katara's being slightly trickstery), but it's another instance where katara is automatically positioned as the person who is and should be responsible for healing.

Aang: [Chuckles.] Well, not over over. I mean there's always Katara and a little Spirit Water action, [Turns to Katara.] am I right? Katara: Actually, I used it all up after Azula shot you. Aang: [Disappointed.] Oh.

i actually don't mind this so much as a writing moment, as i think it's a lot more intentional wrt aang not always conceptualizing the reality of the violence he’s facing. still, it’s another instance of katara’s ability to heal and care for him being taken for granted, and i find it especially notable it’s in of the last significant moments they share together (the other being an argument as katara urges him not to run away from the reality of their situation with ozai) before they spend the rest of the finale separate until they’re kissing without a word at the end.

and then there is the zutara healing scene, where katara heals zuko after he interferes and takes azula’s lightning to the chest when she’s aiming for katara.

Cut to Katara as she rolls Zuko on to his back and begins healing him. Zuko opens his eyes, feeling the pain lessen, and smiles weakly at Katara, who smiles back as she sheds a tear.

Zuko: Thank you, Katara.

Katara: I think I'm the one who should be thanking you.

it seems fair to me to say that one of the reasons the motifs of healing in the zutara are dynamic are so appreciated by their fans is because of how it contrasts to a lot of moments where the work katara does with her healing is under-appreciated. for one thing, it happens as part of a mutual exchange—katara heals zuko after he gets hurt saving her. (this also somewhat calls back to their scenes together in the crystal caves in the tcod, where she offers to heal his scar after they are trapped together and zuko extends her empathy.) it’s based in reciprocity. it’s also, as shown here, one of the few moments of explicit, heartfelt appreciation and thanks given for katara’s healing.

[wasted-women]

ROUND 1A, MATCH 1 OUT OF 8!

Causes of Death & Propaganda Under the Cut:

Jiang Yanli

Cause of Death: Stabbed; Self-sacrifice to save her brother.

Propaganda:

she's your pfp that's got to count for something

I love JYL don't get me wrong! But also. She is solely written as a part of the male characters and does not get much in her own right. She is Wei Wuxian's older sect sister, or Jiang Cheng's sister, or Jin Zixuan's fiance/wife, or Jin Ling's mother he never got to know. Even what characterization people give her (like liking soup/cooking or standing up for her family despite being gentle) are things that have to do with her brothers. I wish we got more of her in her own right.

AND ALSO. ALSO??? HER DEATH MAKES. NO SENSE. Okay first of all - she was in Lanling grieving for her very recently dead husband & taking care of her newborn baby. Who would let that woman out of Lanling????? WHY???? How did she get out of there SO FAST????? She doesn't have a sword/isn't a cultivator (at least in MDZS) so she couldn't have flown. And then after she got there WHO LET HER JUST OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BATTLEFIELD???? WHY DID SHE GO THERE???? Even if there was a short part of her saying "I need to talk to Wei Wuxian about how he killed my husband and I'm going to get there no matter what" would've clarified things a little bc it's like okay she needs to go there even if we don't know how. Where are my answers MXTX, where are my answers????

Qin Su

Cause of Death: Suicide; Stabbed herself with a knife. (NOTE: In some versions of the story, she was being controlled and thus forced to kill herself.

Propaganda:

I'm fairly certain this character was only created as set dressing for the main villain's tragedy. We get zero insight into her inner life, zero hints that any such inner life might even exist, and after she dies basically no other named character other than the aforementioned villain is shown to be majorly affected by her death, even those who logically should have meaningful relationships with her.

Compared to the other two main female characters in this series (who are also fridged) Jiang Yanli and Wen Qing, Qin Su is probably the least aggravating because she's barely in the show and has very little character that we see. But I still think it's worth noting. I really wish that she could've survived and been there in Guanyin Temple IT COULD'VE BEEN COOL OKAY.

Wen Qing

Cause of Death: Executed; Burned to ashes.

Propaganda:

The fact that Wen Qing is the character that originally said the thing about "I'm sorry" and "Thank you", which is repeated multiple times in the post-resurrection parts of the series, but is so rarely mentioned by name is so aggravating! She's such an important part of the plot that did SO MANY THINGS but just basically disappears after her death!!! The only time I really remember her being mentioned is when her brother, Wen Ning, mentions her integral role in the golden core reveal. Jiang Yanli's ghost haunts the series after her death, but Wen Qing's really doesn't, and that's so fucked up to me. She even dies during the same time that Wen Ning does, but then it's revealed he survived (well, "survived", he is a zombie, but he was that beforehand too) SO WHY COULDN'T SHE HAVE SURVIVED TOO????

[onthearrow]

hello! would u be willing to share any all-time eruri fav fics you may have? I am fairly new to the fandom and while I have read many fics I feel like I may be missing out on some gems. if I've read em I can read em again 😅 I am absolutely in love with ur fics btw! :)

Hi anon! Sure, I can recommend a few:

AUs:

Almost Heaven - @levislattes created the most wonderful escape with this Alaska AU, it's my favorite fic from the first half of this year.

Legacy by Haedraulics - I was so compelled by this one, set in an AU in which Erwin and Levi both fight for Marley, but Levi is still an Ackerman. Idk I was thinking about it for weeks.

Ace by Karumen - I'm partial to this one because I was the beta for it! Eruri high school baseball AU.

Bodywork by @rooksacrifice - This fic is FOOD. I swear Laz writes sexual tension so well.

Beastiarium by Mysh - Smutty dragon Erwin AU. Completely over-the-top melodramatic. Mysh is a visionary and I love it.

Nebula by aelandair - This is the famous "egg fic." Dead dove do not eat but also everybody likes it and if you say you don't I don't believe you.

Honey by @leverwings - Oh my god. Oh my GOD. Rarely am I treated to something so atmospheric and well-written. Modern New Orleans AU in which Levi is a vampire and Erwin is a very successful vampire hunter. OH and did I mention she has an ACTUAL PUBLISHED NOVEL coming out literally next week? (Buy Sparks Fly you guys!!)

Canon:

Chaleur by classyboquetcat - I remember really liking this one!

The Hand that Feeds by calacreda - Most people know Cal for Krakow and Small Mercies, but this one has stuck with me a long time. Frankly, anything on her profile is guaranteed stellar.

In Absentia by theindifferentdroid - This fic helped inspire Tiny Anthem!

In These Fallen Leaves by masksarehot - Masks is legendary for He Chose Titans. I haven't read In These Fallen Leaves, but apparently it's VERY similar to Tiny Anthem so I'll put it on this list!

The Flap of a Butterfly's Wings by DrButtons - I haven't read nearly enough of Buttons' fic, but she is so SO talented!

These are all very different so I hope that there's at least one you like! Welcome to the fandom 😘

[ranchthoughts]

thinking about Pat, Pran, and competition

Pat and Pran being competitive is a cornerstone of their relationship: they battle academically, they tease one another constantly, they fight physically, and they even officially get together through a bet. Pat and Pran have grown up with so much competition in their lives it makes sense that it would remain part of their dynamic, albeit with different contexts and meanings (i.e, as fun foreplay).

Pat and Pran were pitted against each other as kids, and then in university once again found themselves on opposite sides of a rivalry between their two faculties. However, the competition between the two of them has never involved feelings of genuine hatred. They maintained a fairly friendly relationship through childhood (they spoke to each other through tin cans, they were in a band and wrote a song together, etc.), and in university they pretty quickly started working together to keep their faculties peaceful and had limits on how far they'd go when fighting (Pat promised Pa he wouldn't physically hurt Pran). Pat says it himself in episode 6: despite being forced to compete against Pran every day of his life, he could never hate him. Competing was something they did - something they went through - together.

Competition is somewhat of a safe space for Pran and Pat - it is what they know, it is how they know to interact. Moreover, the first time they openly did not compete/worked together (writing and performing the song in high school), Pran was sent away. Pran says "When we are together [i.e., not competing], bad things happen." Competing is safer/more possible than not competing, because not competing is not sustainable with the families they have. This expresses itself in multiple ways: Pat and Pran pretending to fight at school, Pat and Pran not interacting at home, etc, but I wanted to highlight one particular aspect of their dynamic where this angle of competition is present:

Pran and Pat talk constantly about what they owe to each other. Pat owes Pran because he saved Pa all those years ago. When Pat tries to repay him, for example by offering to be the one who moves out, Pran refuses him. @dudeyuri wrote about this dynamic here: Pran uses competition and the excuse of "You Owe Me" to keep Pat in his life. He can't be Pat's friend because their families wouldn't allow that, and he definitely can't be his boyfriend, but Pran cares for Pat too much to lose him from his life completely. At the same time, Pran doesn't want to admit how desperately he wants Pat in his life (with Pran's feelings that would be too revealing), so he uses this competitive concept of owing something, of not being repaid satisfactorily, to keep Pat in his life. We talk about people inventing "intricate rituals" which give plausible deniability for things they ordinarily could not do or should not want in society (see this piece by artist Barbara Kruger) - Pat and Pran construct intricate rituals of debt to keep one another in their lives and intricate rituals of competition to allow themselves to pursue things they ordinarily would not dare to (e.g., using the Bet to flirt with each other). Speaking of the Bet, @telomeke-bbs (x) and @inventedfangirling (x, x) have has already written about how Pat utilized the competition of the Bet to get Pran comfortable with expressing his feelings and courting/being courted, and how he probably got the idea from Pran himself. Once again, competition is a safe space, a familiar space, for Pran and Pat.

This connects to another idea I've been tossing around: Pat and Pran are fluent in each other. They know each other very well and they rarely have to verbalize things explicitly to be understood (I talked about that with regards to the ep. 5 rooftop scene here). Pran and Pat's competitiveness is another example of this; to another couple, constant competition would take its toll (we see this a bit with Phupha and Tian in the Our Skyy 2 crossover episodes, for example), but to Pat and Pran, it's an important part of their puzzle. They've been living in this competitive dynamic since they were young, and they know each other's limits. For example, when Pran overhears Ming's comments and Pat is immediately concerned for him (see here), or how Pat and Pran keep their flirting with others (Ink and Wau) lighthearted despite trying to invoke jealousy in the other, and when it is too much, like when Pat gets hurt that Pran gave Wai his guitar to look after, the other realizes and reaches out to make amends. @thegayneurodivergentagenda points out a further example - despite competing and teasing Pran all the time, Pat always celebrates Pran's wins. The Bet, and how it utilizes competition, is another example of how well Pat and Pran know each other. Pat knows something competitive like that is the best way to get Pran engaged and feeling at ease.

Despite these shared experiences of competition, Pat and Pran have different relationships to competition. Both of them were pushed to be the best by their parents, but the differences in their parents and their personalities means they reacted to this upbringing and internalized it differently. Pran's parents wanted him to succeed (and to beat Pat), but in many ways this jived with his perfectionist, detail-oriented personality. Pat, on the other hand, was pushed to succeed by a father who had specific ideas of what success [and masculinity] looked like (fierce, excelling in contact sports and academic, a leader, etc.) which didn't necessarily suit Pat's personality (he is soft, clingy, loves to be cared for and to care for others, etc. - see @kattahj's thoughts here). We see how much easier it is, comparatively, for Pat to break free of his father's expectations and control: in the Our Skyy 2 episodes we learn that Ming is not very involved in Pat's life and Pat doesn't care what he thinks, and in episode 12 we saw how distant and strained Pat's relationship is with Ming (see @grapejuicegay's post on Pat and his father here, and @miscellar and others' here). Pran, meanwhile, stays closer to his mother and deeper under her influence for longer - in the Our Skyy 2 episodes he talks about how involved she is in his life (and there are a number of reasons for this, including his own personality, him being an only child, etc., as well as the similarities between his mother's dreams for him and his own).

For Pat, competing has never been something he was oriented towards naturally, so it is easier for him to remove the drive to win and the angst of competition to just enjoy the fun and sexiness of it all. Pat tells us he always lets his lover win - competing is, to him, a chance to demonstrate love. And how fitting for Pat that the clearest way he knows to show his love is to acquiesce - he's had the need to win hammered into his head from childhood, so of course to him the greatest thing you can do for someone you love is to give up the win. And of course that's how he interacts with people he loves, when the person he's loved since childhood (unknowingly or not) has been that person he was supposed to beat (see @transpat's beautiful post about Pat, Pran, and haq here).

For Pran, competition is encoded a bit deeper into his personality, so it retains a bit of an edge. And once again, that makes sense. Pran's personality is more suited to perfectionism and the drive to succeed, and Pran's been relying on competition as a way and a reason to keep his feelings for Pat at bay. Pat is delighted to be able to cede, while Pran is not at that point yet: he still has a desire to win, to prove himself as competent, which provides friction and hesitation in his relationship with Pat (we see him wrestling with this over the course of the Our Skyy 2 episodes). Despite this, competition remains something Pat and Pran do together, and Pran is slowly learning to let himself relax into it, to show vulnerability, especially as they begin to build themselves a life where competition is on their own terms.

Competition for Pat and Pran becomes a way to resolve or work through tensions (see Pat and Pran competing to see who can get Phupha's signature of approval on the architecture play first, which quickly becomes a cooperative effort - @miscellar details that here), or a way to demonstrate love and understanding of the other (see Pran challenging Pat to prove his love by publicly claiming him, something Pat has been longing to do - @dudeyuri details that here).

In @miscellar's post on episode 12, they defined Pat and Pran's ethos as "they don’t win or lose when they compete. they compete because they love each other and the result doesn’t matter," and in another post @miscellar says "competing is their love language and it’s how they kept each other in their lives, and in that sense competing is also a promise between them". For a long time, Pat and Pran had been competing but not really winning. While the competition forced by their parents did provide them with a powerful shared experience, it also kept them apart and unhappy. Pran and Pat kept up another competition of sorts, a You Owe Me type of relationship where they would never actually declare a winner or an end, because the point wasn't to settle a debt but rather to provide an excuse for staying in one another's lives. Then they started another competition, the Bet, one where they knew from the beginning there could be no winner because they had both already lost and the point was to provide a safe space to explore their budding relationship. Furthermore, all of these competitions required cooperation to keep up: Pat and Pran had to pretend to fight in front of friends and family, they had to pretend there are still unresolved debts, they had to pretend they didn't know that the Bet has been lost from the start. Competing means committing to the Bit, and committing to the Bit is something that brings Pat and Pran together. For Pran and Pat, competition has always been a means of connection.

[sarascamander]

If you love Kit and Ty, you HAVE to read the Adventure of Holloway Holmes — it gives the EXACT VIBE of KitTy. I'm not even kidding. We have two wannabe sleuths absolutely pining for each other, crimes to solve, amazing banters, and just so much more! One of the similarities:

1. The main character is Jack Moreno who Kit wished he was. I LOVE KIT but Jack stole my heart in a way he didn't lmao. They both are sarcastic, hilarious, independent and undeniably in love with their partner in crime. Honestly, being in Jack's head is one of the best experiences of my love. It's so fun!

I wanted to close my eyes. I wanted to smack my head against the steering wheel. Off the top of my head, I could make a list: some fairly good weed, a lot of addies, condoms (not that those were illegal), unopened vapes (those were), this rare tentacle porn manga that Ty Bryce had paid me for but asked me to hold on to. After I got out of prison in thirty years, I already knew, Dad was going to make me have a super awkward sex talk.

2. And Holmes aka H (as Jack fondly nicknamed because Holloway Holmes is such a posh name in his humble opinion) is so precious!!!! I want to wrap him in a blanket burrito even though he is actually capable of breaking my arm without blinking. But god! Someone needs to take care of him. Although it's never been specified in the book, I'm 80% sure he's autistic. Either that or he was badly abused (which he was). He reminded me of Ty by the way he speaks and acts.

I examined his face. Then I gave him a smile. He was doing a Holmes thing, not looking me in the eye, so I moved my head until he was. This was something we’d been working on.

3. You know how Kit will suddenly drift to a paragraph of how beautiful Ty is? Well, Jack Moreno might give Kit a run for his money (he's so obsessed with H's knuckles and the thousands of shades of gold in his hair, it's embarrassing)

He made a frustrated noise. Then he smiled. The expression was a little stiff; he wasn’t used to doing it, and it was another of those things that he was self-conscious about. I’d read about people who get up at two or three in the morning—on vacation, no less, when they’re in Hawaii—and then they drive hours and hours, and all of it is to see the sunrise from this one specific spot, and I thought, Come to Utah if you want something worth your time

Context: they're in Utah. Jack basically said that Holmes' smile is prettier than the sunrise!! 😩

4. Their relationship is literally so pure and one of the things that get me insane about them is their communication!! They always worked hard to communicate with each other and sort things out it's so satisfying to read!!

“I lied,” Holmes said, but he still wasn’t looking me in the eye. “I am angry with you.” “I guessed.” “I don’t want to do this right now.” “It’s good practice."

5. Their banter is *chef kiss*

“I’ll tell him it’s a sex thing.” “Good,” Holmes said. “He’ll be pleased that all your hours of mindless pornography are finally paying dividends.” My jaw legit dropped. “H!” “Desk, please.” “That was so amazingly bitchy.” “Desk.” “And, like, also kind of evil. Which I loved.”

And there are literally hundreds of reasons to read this trilogy if you are craving for Kit and Ty. And although their vibes are similar, they are also their own people. And words can't say how much I adore them. The story and relationship is really beautifully written. I honestly don't care much about the crime but I'm obsessed with these two

Some of my favourites quotes:

He sat there in silhouette, head down. I knew the curve of his spine. I knew the span of his shoulders. Anywhere, I thought. I could be anywhere and know you

“You are my soul, Jack Moreno. I do not know why John Watson wrote his stories that way, why he wrote himself so small, when he was so much more. I do not think I will ever understand. But I do not want to know what I would be without you.”

I knew that he was something more than me, something vast and wonderful that I could only touch the edges of. But for someone like me, the edge was enough—just a glimpse was enough. And, more importantly for right now, I knew what he sounded like when he’d been hurt, the quality of his breathing, because I’d hurt him in a way few people ever had. Which was why, in those rare midnight hours when I could be honest with myself, I knew it was better this way, as friends. Because I didn’t deserve him

“But he was so much more. Sherlock Holmes was a brilliant detective, Jack. He would have been that regardless of other circumstances. But he was a good man—he was a happy man—because of John Watson.”

“What do you say to that, I wanted to know. What am I supposed to say? What do you want me to say? But what I was really asking was, How am I supposed to do this again? I barely survived the first time; what am I supposed to do when you leave me again?”

I had seen, this spring, jacaranda blossoms so pale they were almost blue, trembling with the breath of the mountains. I had seen, when I'd been twelve, a foil of goldfinches flocking against the crushed dusk. I had seen a shooting star once, thinning across the sky like combed silver. And I had seen Holloway Holmes smile.

There's so much but I don't want to spam so I really hope you give it a try!!

[monstermoviedean]

it's honestly beyond wild how easily dean lets cas off for some pretty irredeemable, unforgiveable stuff with no understanding or even acknowledgement on cas' part of the kind of incredible actual-no-strings gift he's been given (and thrown away, rinse, repeat). i can appreciate the take that it just goes to show how deeply braindead in love dean is (and i might still be able to find the romance in it if there was ever any kind of equal or at least comparable weight on cas' end) but he can do (and has done) (and deserves) so much better! rip!! on a list of all dean's boyfriends ranked in order of how well they treated him cas would come in dead last.. can't even rate him over the ones that tried to kill dean because uh cas has not only done that too but also done that more than most (without even factoring in the mind control) lol wanky maybe but that doesn't make it untrue womp womp

anyway the trap effectively killed many of my charitable feelings for cas and despair took care of much of the rest. i know you're not there yet and still manage some warmth for cas besides (plus my post s15 cas/destiel opinions probably trend significantly more harshly than even the rare and wonderful few who have been openly critical of both that aren't br*nly/c*sties, i can acknowledge that lol) but after the trap and knowing what's still to come, it's very difficult for me to see cas-as-dean's-endgame being a positive thing for dean. that may be what he wants but like please for the love @ him: want better!!! i mean, s6 was tough but also so crunchy and opened the door for a world of (tragically unrealized) possibilities. the shadow that s15 and everything leading up to it casts over all of that is just.. so so long. there's been so many opportunities for cas to be better and he just. wastes them.

i'm so interested to see what your takeaway from despair is because it left me feeling kind of hollow on destiel and deeply skeptical of cas when stacked up against everything else. cas may be in love with his idea of dean but he's proven over and over again that he's either incapable of or unwilling to be and see dean as an equal, loving partner. idk if it's a fault in the writing (feels like a cop out to pin things on that though, especially when cas is actually written fairly consistently compared to most other characters) or just that mc isn't as dynamic/effective an actor as jackles but i find myself less and less convinced of cas' sincerity as time goes on. he's wildly selfish. i think it's far easier to make the argument in canon that everything he's done, including that confession, has been far more selfishly motivated than motivated by any genuine love or care for dean (or jack for that matter). maybe an uncharitable assessment, but not an unfounded one.

what dean says about angel's caring and cas playing sorry in 7x21 and cas insisting he's "a lot like people" to rowena's (very apt) assessment of him in 10x22 are always top of my mind when i try to make sense of cas in the aftermath. he's not sorry, he's playing sorry. he's not people, he's performing people. angels don't have souls and i'm not sure i really buy grace as a substitute but, even if i did, cas' has been waning for a very long time (which i wish had been explored more considering all of the weight the canon puts on having a soul). cas isn't that far removed from donatello who, in his soullessness, turned to mr rogers for behavioral cues. cas holds dean in that role, he's just not especially good at emulating him. or maybe just doesn't understand what it is he should be emulating. all of that to say that i really, truly believe cas wants to feel people feelings (feelings is dean as people is dean as humanity is dean etc etc etc), i'm just not sure if i buy that it's ever more than performance for him.

like fanfic is great, i love fanfic! post s15 fix-its moving further and further away from the "dean pulls his head out of his ass" model is such a gift!! but in actual canon?? ough. cas' very long, very well established patterns make canon destiel a super hard sell for me in a post s15 world. there's no reason to believe that things would ever change because, to the bitter end(?), they never did.

anyway anyway, i'm sorry for using your inbox as a rantbox and i fully understand if you ignore this, i know parts of it might be kind of a powder keg lol it's hard to not be cynical and frustrated by so much squandered potential i suppose, especially when so much of the fandom popular opinions on these things have been just so. bad and wrong. for so long. it's been a relief to see some of those tides turning as more people revisit the source material, though! please just know that i really have enjoyed following along on your rewatch and appreciate how much thought and care you put into understanding this show and these characters. i'm looking forward to seeing where what's left of the journey takes you!

there are some points here i agree with and some i don't, but i can entirely see where you're coming from. i just want to extend some love to you because yeah, sometimes this story is really incredibly frustratingly sad and bleak. also no need to apologize, i love inbox rants <3

i'm publishing this because i think there are a lot of interesting points of discussion about cas and his relationship with dean. blanket statement for anyone who might read it: i am not interested in cas-bashing or anon-bashing. don't do that here. or anywhere, frankly.

to start off: it IS beyond wild that dean lets cas off for some things. breaking sam's wall is the first example that comes to mind. i mean wow, good for dean for being the bigger person and forgiving there, but holy shit.

i'm gonna politely disagree with you on cas treating dean badly. i do see where you're coming from! this is something i've talked about before re: cas actually - that sometimes the way dean treats cas is viewed as poor treatment, but in actuality cas doesn't receive it that way at all. so cas' tendency to put the mission first, for example, is something that dean GETS. dean doesn't feel like cas is neglecting him by doing this. i think there are also circumstances in which cas' actions are understandable, even if i don't like them. and a lot of the "constant apocalypse" problems lead to responses that don't have a real-world equivalent. all that being said, i think one thing cas could fix/address is answering his phone when dean calls him.

on dean doing better - i think people in dean's life could and should treat him better. i also think he loves and cares about those people and would not trade them out, and i respect that.

on cas being better - mixed feelings on this. i totally understand where you're coming from and don't want to invalidate you here or at any point! i think cas is trying to be better. i think he's locked into a pattern where he only sees one option for being better - fixing things / getting wins / sacrificing himself / otherwise protecting dean and sparing dean harm. i feel for him there, i really do. smarter people than me have pointed to heaven brainwashing/upbringing as the reason this pattern exists. so i don't expect him to break out of that pattern, but i do think it's reasonable to wish he had come to recognize that this DOES harm dean. i think cas often believes he knows how dean feels. sometimes he's right, sometimes he's wrong. and in this case while dean can understand why cas is doing what he's doing and respect his decisions enough to not put up a fight about them, it does hurt dean to watch cas walk away into certain danger over and over. it especially hurts when dean has no power in the situation and is left with nothing to do but to hope cas comes back.

so i have actually seen 15x18 and have some feelings about it but i don't want to comment until i see it again. i know i missed a ton of context the first time i watched it (november 6 2020 after not having watched the show in a few years), and i'm interested to see how my interpretation changes!

one opinion i have that i don't think will change: i believe cas' pattern of keeping secrets to protect dean, then having those secrets blow up, causing dean pain and/or causing cas to leave, is not disrupted. i believe 15x18 reinforces this pattern, in fact. and i do not like that. i do appreciate that cas did it for love and he was backed into a horrible corner, and at the same time, from dean's perspective, it's another example of cas leaving.

on cas not seeing dean as an equal partner. hoooo boy, this one gave me pause. i am very conflicted about this, to be honest. i think cas THINKS he sees dean as an equal partner, but i'm not sure he actually does. i'm also not sure he treats him like one. consistently, at least. i think they're equals when they're dealing with "ordinary" problems (monsters, people), but when the problems are angel-level or higher, i think cas thinks he has more ability to solve those problems than dean does. sometimes he's right (cas should be the one talking to michael in 15x08, for example). but not always. and i could see that coming across as patronizing. i want to think more about this one!

on cas' selfishness. this is tough because i think cas is trying to be selfless in a way that comes across as selfish. he wants to be the hero. he believes he can be the hero. he wants to spare others from being the hero. and while that's usually well-intentioned (taking on burdens so others don't have to), it can read as "no one else is capable of this but me." and i think the major problem is that cas looks at things from a 30,000-foot level. he is often less concerned with the ground-level impacts. so when he's, idk, saying yes to lucifer, he's thinking "someone has to and it may as well be me" but he's not thinking "oh shit dean is going to have to watch lucifer parade me around and then kill me." while i understand his reasoning in these high-stakes no-win situations and i'm not mad about it, i do wish he would consider the impacts of his small decisions on others more often. sorry to bring up the phone thing again but it's the best example i've got - it would be nice if cas made it more of a priority to answer his phone when dean calls because it's important to dean, even if it isn't important to cas. it will help dean feel more secure and they will have a nice conversation because they enjoy talking to each other. we have hints of this kind of thing happening but i would like to see it more clearly and consistently. or like. icing sam out during the rupture was pretty shitty. he could have at least texted back. (yes he was in a bad spot, no he doesn't have to respond to sam all the time, but a little 'i'm not dead' text would have made a big difference)

i think "uncharitable but not unfounded" is very understandable. i, personally, believe cas loves and cares about dean. i also could come up with some examples of cas' actions that, regardless of intent, communicate to dean that this is not true. i think if you want to make a case that cas doesn't care, you can. i wouldn't agree with it, and i think there's a better case that cas does care, but i do recognize that the show itself leaves that door open. and it does bother me. i would feel better if cas showed more consistent and obvious care for dean TO dean.

i think cas does confuse/equate feeling guilty with feeling sorry. i think he does both, but sometimes he is playing sorry. i think his defense of jack at the end of s14 contradicts his claims of being sorry, for example. but i'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he is actually sorry most of the other times.

on cas' feelings - i see where you're coming from, and i disagree here. i think cas does have feelings, even if he doesn't always know what they are or how to process them. someone (i think ilarual?) made a cool post about cas growing a soul that i thought was a neat idea. but i can certainly sympathize with wanting the show to do more with angels, grace, angel feelings, etc.

i do believe cas is sincere in his care and in wanting to do better, and that's one reason i have faith in dean and cas being able to work it out and be good for each other! i think that's a major difference between our perspectives. and i don't have an answer here, because again, i see where you're coming from. if you're open to it, i might suggest considering cas' actions from a perspective that he's 100% sincere 100% of the time. it might be interesting to try, even if it doesn't change your opinions at all (and you definitely don't have to try it or change your opinions).

one million billion trillion percent agree on squandered potential. there are so many problems we've discussed here that i think could be fixed with attention and goodwill. but will they be fixed? sigh. i don't know. i like to believe so, but cynicism is also a fair response. i think a lot of my feelings come down to this question: if the show had continued, would 15x18 have been a turning point? would it have finally allowed dean and cas to change their relationship? or would it have set it in stone, never to be changed again? i think it's a matter of interpretation. i tend toward the former - that 15x18 would have changed everything and allowed them space to finally get it right - but i can also see why the latter works, especially because the show ending DID set it in stone that way.

it HAS been a relief to see shifts in conversation, and i hope they continue. and thank you so so much for your very kind words! they are not necessary but they are appreciated :) i often feel like i'm just fumbling around in the dark compared to a lot of others, and it's nice to hear i haven't completely mucked it up. also i really enjoyed answering this, so thanks for giving me so much to chew on!

[some-stars]

i have my askbox closed rn bc of the scam spam so @petralemaitre sent me this meme directly:

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love 💞

i have 62 to choose from but honestly i already know what my favorite 2 things i've ever written are so this will be fairly quick.

A quite unlosable game (dark angel, alec/max, alec/various): this is it! this is the favorite! it's my most beloved show of all time and i had Things to Say and it took me ten years (off and on) but i did say them! very well! i started it in 2008 so my memories are vague but i wrote it pretty much in order--the first idea i had was the almost-pubescent X5s being lectured on how their hormones were going to be manipulated. it was a science fiction story for me, before anything else, because it's a science fiction show that didn't get a chance to explore SO much of the juiciest most interesting concepts it put forth. and it was also me thinking about how the show at first fumbled, then did SO right by the eye-rollable "max goes into heat" concept. like when it comes up in the second episode it's treated completely as a joke, but when it happens again at the end of the first season--when we've bought in to the basic premise and established trust--it's treated as the terrible, sad violation that it is. so i thought, well, how could i pursue that thread further? and. so. yeah. love this story forever, best thing i ever wrote, does exactly what i wanted it to do and does it almost perfectly.

The absolute absurdity of end-series items (house of leaves): my other favorite thing i've ever written! i don't think this is quite as perfectly executed, but it's pretty close, and certainly no one else has done it better so that makes it successful by default. house of leaves is one of my favorite books of all time and i have SO many thoughts about it and all the things that it DOES. some of which the culture at large has acknowledged and much of which i've never seen anyone else talk about, the latter specifically being how rich and welcoming it is to feminist interpretations. which i could never manage to write the essay about that i wanted to, but it's all just in this fic instead.

children's work (the witcher, geraskefer): gonna cheat and put the whole series. it's kind of hard for me to love this one because i can see ALL the seams, especially in the second and third stories where i was trying so many new things as a writer and flailing around so much. but taken as a whole it's the longest single work i've ever created, and the response to it utterly blew me away. people loved this series, so so so much, it's been four years and i kind of still can't process it. this is the story that i think about when i feel like i've never had any kind of effect on the world and nothing i've ever done mattered to anyone. because this series made a lot of people very happy, and that's nice. (also i LOVE when i can come into a fandom and write something that nobody's done before. it boosts my ego like crazy. not that the concept of the fic itself is original--i lifted a LOT of the emotional beats from an extremely good SPN fic i read way back in the day--but no one had done a serious take on it in witcher fandom yet.)

felt it in my fists (teen wolf, allison/lydia): i was Deep into this show for like half of one summer, but i hated (and continue to hate) sterek so there was not a lot on offer for me. but there was femslash! idk, i just really like this story and it's special to me for reasons i can't really identify.

put on the red light (deadpool & wolverine): i don't necessarily like this MORE than my other fics in the fandom but i do feel like it's different and therefore special. it's very rare for me to write explicit high-key emotional conflict and fighting, bc it tends to give me bad anxiety, but MAN i loved writing the big screaming fight in this one. they both fully believe they're breaking up because the other one betrayed them in the most painful way imaginable, and it's awful, and i love it.

im not gonna send the meme to anyone else but if you are reading this please consider yourself tagged!

[snowstories]

Been thinking lately about the Fanfic Writing Style(TM) and how incredibly restrictive it is because any deviation from a fairly paint-by-numbers third person POV tends to be wildly alienating to the average fanfic reader, and will actively be avoided.

This is especially obvious when you look at how first person POV fics are treated; they are automatically associated with bad quality, and people will immediately turn away from a fanfic the moment they see it's written in first person. There are reasons for this; firstly, it is true that beginning writers will often use first person because it feels a little more accessible than the other options, and most beginning writers are of course not very good yet on a technical level, especially not if they are also children, which many fanfic writers are. So the association between first person and bad quality is not entirely baseless (though, y'know. definitely at least a little mean spirited, if unintentionally so). Secondly, and this is a personal sentiment but one I've seen some people echo: first person can read weird when combined with fanfic, because fanfic often does not benefit from a closer connection with the POV character. We are here to watch blorbo do thing, it can feel a little weird when it is instead I doing the thing, y'know? This is personal preference, of course; no accounting for that.

However, regardless of the reasons, kneejerk avoidance of first person POV fics is probably one of the driving factors behind the homogenization of the fanfic writing style. It's difficult to put into words to me, but especially if you read a lot of fanfic, at some point it's obvious that most of these stories are written in the exact same way, with the same sentence structure, cadence, and metaphors. The often-mocked italicized Oh, usually used in its own paragraph, usually used in a romantic context, is an example of this: a writing quirk turned universal enough specifically in fanfic to be singled out and ridiculed for its frequency.

This style isn't inherently bad, many authors pull it off very well, but it's certainly restricting. Essentially banning the usage of the first person POV alone is already severely limiting, but even just a slightly different usage of the third person POV is discouraged if everyone is writing the exact same way.

This leads to an overarching problem in fandom, namely that all characters tend to sound the same. The style of writing is the same whether writing about a jaded 40-year-old man or a peppy 12-year-old girl. A story set in 1940's France will have more or less the same writing as a story set in 2010's America. Writers do often try to add little details to their narration to distinguish different characters, and success with this varies, but is usually limited. Narration in fandom is rarely personalized to the character, and instead falls into the homogenized fandom style more than anything else.

I don't have a specific goal with this post. I'm not necessarily saying 'we need to STOP big fandom's writing style' or whatever, I don't think that's productive or feasible. I do think that we should all, as readers, be a little more open to stuff like first person POV fics or stranger prose experiments rather than skipping over or closing out of a fic as soon as we encounter them, and as authors (if you actually care about improving your writing) I'm encouraging you to take a look at the prose style used in your fanfic and see if you could diversify it because oftentimes readers do respond positively when they see it, so I guess if there's anything to take away from this post as a call to action, it's that. But mostly this is just me musing on something I've noticed in my own fanworks recently that irritates me.

[prismaticflare]

Hi so I’m a little new to interacting with people on tumblr so I hope this doesn’t come across as rude but I saw your descendants tier list and I was wondering why you don’t like Doug just because it’s something I’ve seen a lot in the fandom and I’m curious as to why

Thank you so much for your message! No, it’s not at all rude, and I think it is a worthwhile thing to talk about since I use him as the butt of a joke VERY often.

In reality, I don’t hate Doug quite as much as I say, but I don’t love him either, and I think I can pinpoint it into 3 main reasons.

Firstly, and I think this is the one that make most people dislike Doug, is he’s not a great fit with Evie. I mean, he’s fine, but I think, in comparison to fan-favorite Evie, he really can’t hold his own. Also, in a fandom where one of (if not the) top ship is a F/F, something that is unfortunately very rare in fandom, it’s clear people like them. However, if Malvie isn’t the number one ship, then it is probable Ben and Mal, which is how Ben is immune to what Doug faces (and even he sometimes gets it. Also, Evie is very often headcanonned as lesbian or at least bi. As one of those people, that really makes Doug not quite work with her.

Secondly, Doug is kinda boring. In Descendants 1, he’s kinda just this dorky, goofy guy who is a bit too obsessed with Evie (I’ll get back to the), but in Descendants 2 and 3, he is literally reduced to “Evie’s Boyfriend.” And, since, as I mentioned, a lot of people don’t like him as Evie’s boyfriend, it’s not all of that shocking that most people find him lackluster.

Finally, point three, is something I don’t see very often. In Descendants 1, he’s kinda creepy. He is SUPER obsessed with Evie, to the point to actually stalking Evie, which the writers actually make a joke about in the show. He’s head-over-heels for Evie and is written as basically the “not hot but sweet” love interest as apposed to Chad being the, well, Chad. However, he isn’t all that sweet, and, again, is kind of creepy.

Those points in combination make him just not particularly likeable, and with his lack of plot impact beyond Evie’s D1 arc and his creepy and kinda dumb dialogue, there isn’t a ton to make him beloved.

As for why people go SO hard on him? I think it is a mix of that final point and that there aren’t really any other characters in this fandom to hate, so why not jokingly hate this character. That’s the main reason I do it. He’s meh to me and I think Evie deserved better and since he’s kinda a creep, might as well make him the one to laugh at.

I hope that makes sense. I have no issue with Doug, but he was done fairly dirty in the show.

[cinnamonest]

When I first heard Cyno's title from leaks, as a good little simp, I went to investigate if a Mahamatra is something real.

Turns out, it is not only real, with being basically a morality police, but there's a type of Mahamatras whose duty is keeping tabs on women or something like that!

Imagine Cyno being also tasked as the keeper of the few women from Sumeru. He would, probably not intentionally, but terrify his darling by telling her how lucky she is to end up under his care. He treats the girls fairly, but once they are out of his watch to be distributed? He has seen the stuff men do to them. So stop complaining and be grateful for what he gives you! He actually treats you with decency.

(Fun fact! I had this entire thing already written and then windows auto-updated at some point while I was in urgent care bc I came home to it restarting and didn't save a temp recovery file in the appdata files :))))))

So I read a short entry about it, it seems like the exact responsibilities varied from subculture and households and communities, some of them over the general populace/common prostitutes but some of them were like a supervisor/babysitter + bodyguard combo to wealthier concubines and the like which is very :))))) and it also kinda reminds me of all the historical Chinese dramas where they have eunuchs that would guard emperor's wives and the like? And how a lot of cultures/eras within certain cultures had like "common prostitutes" and then like more elite brothels specifically for the wealthy/nobility/royalty that were often cared for, and some men would be appointed to watch over prostitutes and harems and the like

Sooooo I got to thinking of like a "more accurate to the time period the game is roughly based on" AU running with a similar idea (although of course I'm still wayyyyy deviating from historical accuracy entirely bc that makes things more fun)

//prostitute/concubine sort of darling, vaguely sexist stuff in a historical sort of way and heavily gendered, mentions of eunuchs because y'know historical AU stuff

---------------

Cyno being appointed to watch over and enforce rules on elite courtesans... Usually, these positions are only available to eunuchs, but some exceptions can be made for individuals who have been deemed worthy of the utmost trust, usually after proving themselves over the course of time. Thankfully, that's the classification he falls into... the notion of eunuchs makes him shudder to think about.

His dependableness, stoicism and clear self-control have earned him the trust of those in positions of authorities, and thus, he was assigned to this role. His observation skills and ability to keep tabs on more than one thing at once also helped. There's a few other such guards that take care of the lot of you as a whole, and that's part of his job as well, but he's the one personally assigned to you whenever you wish to go off on your own from the others, or into the public sphere.

He's not supposed to deny you that option, either, unless explicitly told not to by a superior, or if you want to go somewhere that is unallowed, in which case he is obligated to prohibit you from going. Otherwise, if you want to go somewhere, his job is to accompany you and tend to your whims, silently and stoically unless responding to something you say or speaking to a stranger on your behalf. Which he is expected to do, as you aren't allowed to speak to strangers, instead having him act as an intermediary.

When you go to markets (given a certain allowance of spending money to keep you happy and content), you point to the things you want or tell him what to get, and he does, speaking to merchants on your behalf. If someone approaches you for whatever reason - which is rare, seeing as most people know very well not to do so, especially with his intimidating presence beside you - he will, as he's trained and expected to do, physically step in between you and the other person, acting as a human shield in case someone were to approach you with the intent to attack, as well as a physical reminder of your status, communicating very clearly that the other individual should not be so arrogant as to assume he has any right to speak to you directly. And, of course, so you yourself don't get any ideas about talking to someone outside of the range of individuals you are allowed to speak to. If said individual is just pestering you to try and sell you something or harass you, he'll chase them off, otherwise he'll lean over so you can murmur your replies into his ear, allowing him to repeat it back to the other person.

As with that matter, with plenty of other scenarios, he's not just there to protect you. It's an unspoken condition, but understood nonetheless. He's there to keep an eye on your own behaviors. Your nature means that you can't be trusted to control your impulses or make good decisions, and if you weren't being closely watched, you may very well go off and sleep with someone else at the first opportunity you get. That's why you have him there, to ensure that that doesn't happen, to keep you in line, so to speak. Accompany you everywhere you go, sit in on your conversations with any and all visitors you have. To always know exactly where you are and what you're doing. For the few hours of night, there are guards at the end of the hall that watch the rooms where people are sleeping, but that's the only time he isn't by your side. Well, even then, he's assigned a room directly next to yours, even, to be able to spring up out of bed should you call for him, or if he's needed in any way, if you get sick in the night, and so on. So technically, he never really does leave your side.

Well, except for when one of the elites comes to "visit" you. Happens a few times a day, with the occasional break. Only certain individuals are allowed to do so. That's an important factor in your relationship. You live in a large complex, and only specific nobles and the highest-ranked individuals are allowed to enter your bed.

He's not one of them.

It's yet another class-standing issue. Sure, he may work for elites, he may dedicate his every waking moment to you and the others like you, but it would be considered defiling if he were to actually do anything to you. It's grounds for imprisonment... or worse. Only nobles have that privilege.

In truth, he resents said nobles. They're snobbish, selfish people that see you as an object, rather than a person. Usually cruel and critical towards you, never have anything nice or positive to say, always too busy to spend any time with you except to come to bed at night. It makes him grind his teeth, cover his ears so he doesn't have to hear. Likewise, you're supposed to act as though he couldn't possibly know, even though you both know full well he can hear anything that goes on in your room.

It makes him feel a very negative emotion. Anger? Bitterness? He tells himself it's because he knows they don't value you like you deserve. You've always been such a kind woman... he's seen you show concern and compassion for others, it's endearing. And in truth, while you're still of the weaker, inferior half of humanity, that kindness in and of itself is a very respectable thing... but those men would never appreciate that.

Yes, that's the real source of the anger, he knows that full well, and very quickly loses the ability to convince himself otherwise, after the first few weeks. It's because it feels unfair. They don't appreciate you, don't care for you, don't watch over you, they do nothing for you. He does all of that. He knows you far better. Yet they get to reap what logically should be his rewards.

But he stops that train of thought. "What should be his"? No, that way of thinking is dishonorable and selfish, defies the natural hierarchy of society. People of certain standing have privileges that lower members do not... even though he can't logically answer as to why. They just do. That is what is taught to the masses of the populace - the nobles and royalty deserve their palaces and wealth and feasts while the common man struggles to survive. A birthright bestowed by some higher power or the like. And as long as they have the ability to enforce that way of thinking, he has to accept it too.

And to even think of you in any way other than the purest of thoughts and a detached sense of guardianship, to have anything impure go through his mind, is sinful, filthy, almost a transgression when the thoughts intrude. It's his responsibility to push them away... even if that proves difficult.

No wonder they usually get eunuchs for this position. While the prospect is horrible, and he certainly doesn't envy them for obvious reasons, they do have the one advantage of not having to deal with the same extent of mental torment and temptation that he has to subject himself to. He starts to think he really didn't initially appreciate the trust placed in him enough, not realizing at the time of being appointed just how much willpower it would require.

And you don't make things any easier. To some extent, you're allowed to treat him like he's invisible, not even there. A lot of girls with such guardians do exactly that, pretty much never speaking to said appointed guardian unless needed, essentially going about their lives and acting like they don't even exist unless commanding them to fetch something or take care of some task.

You're rather talkative, though, at least with him. It is a bit surprising at first, albeit endearing. He's used to being seen as a tool, a sort of entity that exists to serve, and has been treated as such in past assignments in moral enforcement and dealing with violators of the society's rules, to the people he always reported to. He had some individual supervising roles before, but of all those jobs he's had in the past, you're the first one that's really... talked to him, for anything more than basic commands.

There's a good reason for that, too. You're not supposed to grow close to him in any capacity. It's not... proper, not right, it's frowned upon. There's no real given rule against it, but it's just one of those things that people don't do, that is understood without ever having to be addressed that you shouldn't. You're in a completely different world, your social role is too far apart from his for him to realistically be directly addressed by you so much.

And, of course, it's risky. People might get the wrong idea. Maybe it's just because you're quite literally trained in seduction and charm, but you always look at him with these half-lidded eyes, a sultry voice, a teasing way of speaking to him. It's basically just second nature to you, it's how you've always been taught to interact with every man you meet, to put on a flirtatiousness and sensuality with every word and every move and every expression.

It drives him up the wall, increasing with each day. The standards and norms of your role don't exactly dress you particularly modestly either, quite the opposite, which doesn't help. And you specifically are always on thin ice, always testing the boundaries, always pushing the limits of how much flirtatiousness can be excused. Perhaps that's why someone like him was assigned to you.

Well, he knows what he has to do. This is part of his job: correcting your behaviors when needed. There's a fine line of what he's allowed to tell you to do, an odd dynamic where you can tell him to do tasks for you, and yet, he also has the right - the obligation -  to command you, when it comes to certain matters of behavior, and he's expected to judge each situation appropriately, to not go too far in reprimanding you, to always criticize when he should while avoiding overstepping a line. It's a learned skill, requiring a thorough knowledge of rules both documented and silently understood.

Whenever you sit on the floor next to him as you and all your sisters-in-profession converse each evening, when you lean over onto him and reach your hand over to his thigh, he grabs your wrist, and gently, simultaneously avoiding both unnecessary harshness while also ensuring he doesn't grip you for a single moment too long, pushes you back. It's probably best you get on to bed, you are weary.

When you skip around all excited as you do whenever there's music in the courtyards, come over to him and reach up to wrap your arms around his neck, he grabs your hands and softly pushes them back to your chest. Please, be appropriate.

He makes sure you wear more modest clothing when you leave the main grounds, rather than those incredibly lewd outfits the nobles have you roaming around estate grounds in. Tells you to stop making eye contact and look downward and bow your head when stranger men approach, like you're supposed to. Always reinforcing standards and rules. You teasingly call him such a stick in the mud.

Better that, though, than subject to the wrath of higher-ups if he didn't perform his job.

When you shift to inappropriate topics, when you try and talk to strangers (he gets the sense you do it deliberately just to see him worry), when you stoop and bend and shift your legs in ways he knows is to catch attention. It's his responsibility to speak to you in a firm voice, tell you to behave yourself. You always roll your eyes, say something to the effect of affirming acknowledgement, but you never actually fix your behavior. It irritates him. Don't you know how serious what you do is? What if it wasn't him? What if it was anyone else? He asks you that, trying to get you to see reason, but even then, you shrug it off, clearly not understanding the gravity of the matter. It worries him. What if one day you get assigned to someone else, with far less self-control? What then? You're foolish and naive. It's a constant concern on his mind.

You don't mean it seriously, but you enjoy the reactions you get out of him in particular. You don't realize how significant it is, you think of it like just any other matter of poking fun at something. You think it's funny. You find it cute.

And far more dangerously, you think it's harmless.

Far from it, in reality. If people got the wrong idea, it could get him in trouble. Proof isn't needed for these sorts of things. If someone were to accuse him of something, it wouldn't matter if there was no evidence, or even if you were willing to testify or vouch in his favor. Your testimony can't be used in a court of law anyway. Even then, if the person accusing him was high enough in rank, there wouldn't even be a court of law, they would just command whatever their will may be. Not to mention, you would also get in massive trouble. The fact that you don't understand that, or at least don't take it seriously, is incredibly concerning.

He ends up having to draw a line. One night at random, completely unprovoked, so much so it catches him off-guard. You have always teased and poked fun at him with that grin on your face, tried to get him flustered and embarrassed. Overstepping the boundaries of appropriateness, which he always chastises you for as is warranted. You always obey for the moment, but return to the same thing within a matter of minutes.

The kind of teasing that bothers him the most, though, is when you pry about his own life, deeply personal things. There was that time you first managed to pry out of him that he wasn't a eunuch - oh, no, now I'm scared. Heheh... just kidding. There was the time you asked him if he had any children, or a lover back home. He had to reinforce the negative answer several times (crossing his arms and getting all stiff and looking away, which you seemed to find very amusing) before you believed him and left the matter alone.

And then, one night, walking back to your room with him by your side in the otherwise empty hall, you return to that topic he hates so much. You're so tense all the time. It's not good to be so stressed, you know.

Your footsteps stop. You turn to him with that smirk on your face, grab one of his hands and clasp both of your own around it, pulling it closer to you. You speak in that playful, sultry tone.

I can help you. No one has to know.

It actually takes him a second to reply, stunned into wide-eyed stillness and silence, an expression of shock you've never seen on his usually stoic face. His whole body goes stiff and rigid. Then, after that moment passes, he jerks his hand back out of your grasp with force, stumbles a few steps back. He looks back at you with a serious, intimidating expression, one that makes the grin on your face fall, makes you shrink back.

Never say such things to me.

Even in all the times you've been reprimanded, he's never used that firm and rebuking of a tone. It makes you take a step back. You hang your head, speaking quietly, all traces of the flirtatious tone from moments before vanished.

...I'm sorry.

You can hear the frustration as he lets out a heavy exhale. Brings his hand up to his face, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. Mutters something about how you're too careless for your own good.

Go on to bed. I will forget this. You ought to as well.

You clearly feel hurt and guilty, and in truth, he really does feel bad about it, almost starts to apologize for being so firm to you, as you nod and turn to your door, hurriedly shuffling inside. But consciously, he knows you needed that firmness. Better to learn that now, than learn it by making a much more grave mistake. So he lets you go inside without another word exchanged.

And more importantly, it's best you go inside so you don't see the state he's in. He's on the verge of losing composure, managing to hold himself together right up until the moment your door shuts, before stumbling back to the wall, leaning against it as he slowly sinks down to the ground. Holds his hand out in front of his face to see it trembling. Presses two fingers to his neck to feel the rapid pounding of his heart. It takes a while, sitting there staring blankly to your door on the other side, before he can bring himself to stand up again. Even then, he has to hesitate a moment. Going in there would be so easy. All he would have to do is open the door. Put one foot in front of the other. It would be so simple.

And there's a voice in the back of his head that says you would be right. No one would know. He could probably get away with it.

It takes every ounce of willpower in his entire being (and, as a great motivator, thinking of the consequences if he were caught) to instead turn and go back to his own bed. Staring up at the ceiling all night.

Yes, it really was incredible that they would trust him so much.

Not that he can bring himself to leave you, no. He's terrified of what could happen to you if he left, he clearly sees how you disregard all of his warnings as to how dangerous the way you behave would be to anyone else. And he also can't leave because... he cares for you too much. His whole life revolves around you. To remove you from it would be like tearing his heart of out his chest.

But at the same time, surely he can't stay. It feels like an hourglass reaching the last few grains of sand, like a clock slowly ticking down. Something is bound to happen. Because of you... or maybe, if something in him finally breaks, because of himself. Or maybe because of you both. It's evitable. Like an animal in a trap, and he doesn't know how to get out. The only thing to do is wait for the inevitable day something happens, perhaps because of you... but now he's starting to think his downfall will be his own doing.

[thirstywoso]

Heyyyy just came across one of your fics and realised you haven’t posted in a while. Hope you’re well 🫶🏼 we miss you!

Hi thank you :)

I'm going to use this ask as a reply to other ask I've gotten recently.

First of all I'm okay, I've just been swamped with work and it's tiring me. I also started seeing someone who turned out to be a little crazy and very jealous of my friendship with another one of the writers on here. My motivation usually comes when I'm busy and then the rare moments I get time I have no motivation but I'm trying.

At the moment I'm in the middle of writing the next 2-3 parts of Caffeine for the Heartache.

I may also write a few one off smuts depending on my mood but unfortunately my posts will probably be few and far between until I get some of my personal life sorted.

I had a few asks about writing for players or prompts at this time I'm only willing to write for Jessie Fleming and as for prompts I'll add them to my list but they may be a long time from coming as I have a lot of ideas I want to write myself.

I also had asks about the next parts to several of my fics which I can assure you are coming but like I've said I'm a little swamped lately.

I'm doing good though, I'll still be posting just maybe sometimes it will be every other week and then other times it might be multiple times a week although I am working on writing multiple things so I can then evenly space them out so if I am gone for awhile it's because I'm trying to write a regular catalogue.

Finally I did have an ask saying they thought I had copied another writer on here, I can assure you no work is copied and I've written everything myself. If anything sounds similar it could be because a certain fic has inspired me or I've read it recently and it's in my mind. As for the specific writer the ask was about I did mention them in a previous post with a poll asking if people would like something similar from me and it got a very high majority vote, therefore I wrote it but nothing was directly copied from the fic, it was also smut which in my eyes most smuts are fairly similar especially if including the same kinks.

Thank you for all the kind and concerned messages I've had, I think this answers a majority of my ask I've gotten and I'm answering it all in this one so I don't clog up my feed.

Hopefully I'll have something for you all before the end of the week as I have a couple of days off.

Edit: re-reading this I made a fair few mistakes (I was at work when I typed this out just so you all knew I was okay)

But yeah the basic message is just hang in there with me :)

[schizosupport]

I’m started abilify and zyprexa. I read the side effects and I’m so afraid of several of the things listed. I’m desperate for medication that works, but they both look terrifying for me. Could you say what was best/worst being on them or what you know about them? If you got time, can you express what they’re supposed to help me with as well because right now I’m just terrified they’re trying to poison me or turn me into a zombie

Hi there anon. Are you starting both of those at once? I must admit that I find it bad form to start someone on two different antipsychotics at once. There just isn't much evidence in favour of giving more than one type at a time, and it does increase the likelihood of side effects. Not to mention, if it helps, now you don't know which one is helping, and if you actually need to be taking both. (Edit: And it can be harder to judge which one might be causing which side effects)

What dosages do they want you on?

I definitely understand you being scared after reading the side effects. Antipsychotics have some pretty heavy things written on there. It's worth noting that a lot of those side effects are rare, but there's also a few things that are par for the course with antipsychotics. That's especially stuff like sedation, which is more prominent with Zyprexa than with Abilify.

The goal of the med is for it to become easier for you to tell reality from delusion and hallucination, to make it easier to "think straight", and to hopefully thereby alleviate some of the anxiety and other bad feelings you may be dealing with as a result of such symptoms. They can also help you sleep better, which can help stabilise you. For me, I feel like antipsychotics help me think more straight and they give me a "thicker skin" - I'm a little more numb/a little less sensitive depending on how you think about it. And I'm less liable to scare myself with scary thoughts.

For me, these beneficial effects arise at a fairly low dose, as I'm very sensitive to meds in general. At higher doses, the side effects tend to outweigh the benefits, for me. For me the side effects at higher doses is stuff like feeling numb/out of touch, sedation and reduced creativity. It's important to figure out whether the positive effects outweigh the negative effects for you, and at what dose the tradeoff is beneficial, if any.

Overall zypreza (olanzapine) is "heavier" than Abilify. It's more likely to make you feel sedated and lethargic, and like it's hard to think and plan. It's common to feel pretty knocked out by it. It's definitely recommended to take it in the evening for this reason! Abilify is less likely to sedate you, some even report that it keeps them feeling MORE alert, and I used to take mine in the morning without a problem. Personally I wasn't a huge fan of Abilify, though it undoubtedly helped me. My reasoning is that it didn't feel like it did much, but at the same time it did do a great deal, mostly for the better at the time I think, but it felt odd to me. I like that risperidon (which is more in the direction of zyprexa albeit less hard-hitting) feels more obvious in how it affects me.

I will say that they aren't trying to poison you, these drugs aren't dangerous in that sense, nor do I think their goal is to turn you into a zombie (figuratively or literally).

I think it's good to go into this experience with a healthy amount of scepticism, while also allowing cautious optimism. Try to keep a diary of symptoms and changes that occur. If you have someone close to you, try to get them to help observe how these drugs affect you (for better and for worse). It helps to have an outside eye, and if this person could help you talk to your providers that's a big help, because as much as it sucks, professionals are sometimes more likely to listen to a third party.

I hope the meds are helpful, anon, and if they aren't, I hope that your healthcare providers will be helpful and accommodating in figuring out where to go from there.

Best wishes!

[anneapocalypse]

🎇20 Questions for Fic Writers🎇

Tagged by @dreadfutures 💙 Thank you!

Tagging @chocochipbiscuit @farfromdaylight @rakshadow @skyeventide

Blank questions for your convenience! My answers are below the cut.

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

3. what fandoms do you write for?

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

5. do you respond to comments?

6. what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. do you get hate on fics?

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. what’s your all-time favorite ship?

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? T

16. what are your writing strengths?

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

19. first fandom you wrote for?

20. favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Answers!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

If I count everything, 181. If we're not counting meta pieces, 163.

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

802,674

3. what fandoms do you write for?

I've written for quite a few, but my big ones have been Fallout, Red vs. Blue, and Dragon Age. I've also written for The Penumbra Podcast, RWBY, Mass Effect, Person of Interest, and The 13 Clocks. (And now I'm also writing for Final Fantasy XIV, though I haven't posted anything yet and probably won't until after I'm caught up with MSQ.)

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

Homecoming (Red vs. Blue, Tucker & Junior, rated T)

Juno Steel & the Fox's Teeth (Penumbra Podcast, Juno/Peter, rated E)

Sensibility (Penumbra Podcast, Juno/Peter, rated E)

Respite (Red vs. Blue, North/Wash/York, rated T)

Home Front (Fallout 3, Amata/F!LW, rated T)

I was genuinely surprised and charmed at how well-received "Homecoming" was (and continues to be), as I considered it fairly niche at the time of writing, but then, Tucker is a popular character. The response to my Penumbra fics certainly caught me by surprise, in the manor of, "OH, this is what it's like to write the popular pairing!" "Respite" was one of my very early RvB fics and it's not one I'm particularly happy with now, as I think I would have done certain things differently had I written it later, but nonetheless it was well-received; not a lot of people were actually writing North/Wash/York at the time. "Home Front" is one of my favorite Fallout fics I've written; I'm still proud of it.

5. do you respond to comments?

Yes, I try to! Sometimes I take a bit longer these days, but I do try to reply to every comment, barring the odd rude one which I'll just delete or ignore.

6. what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's maybe cheating to say The Fall, given that it's the second in a trilogy so the story isn't actually over at the end of that fic. But that fic is a downer the whole way and ends with the main character's probable death, so. It's pretty angsty. After that, I'd say "Please (Don't Leave Me)", an RvB South/CT fic where CT doesn't live and South is dealing with the aftermath, poorly.

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I'd say I've written quite a few--I'm a big fan of the hard-won happy ending. I'm going to distinguish happy from fluffy here--I could pick any number of my one-shorts for fluffiest ending--and say The Landing, because relative to what comes before, and also canon, it's an incredibly happy and optimistic ending for Maine.

8. do you get hate on fics?

Rarely. The vast majority of my readers are perfectly sweet and kind. For some reason, my Mainelina fic has drawn the most bad commenters out of any. I wouldn't call those comments hate, but I have gotten a few that were pretty rude and/or backhanded. My guess is that I hit a particular unfulfilled niche with a long Maine-POV fic that happened to appeal to a particular kind of RvB fan, a kind who like Maine and like the fic but also felt the need to like, flex on me about it. Most of them have seemed not overly familiar with fandom etiquette and transformative fandom culture in general. Embarrassing for them tbh. I just ignore or delete them.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

Whatever kind I feel like! Less in recent years perhaps, but that's less a lack of interest and more that I get bored easily if I feel like I'm writing something repetitive, and writing non-repetitive smut can be genuinely challenging! We only have so many words, descriptors, euphemisms, and slang terms that actually sound appealing when you're trying to write erotica, so I think writing good smut requires no small amount of creativity and resourcefulness, and I always admire those who do it well.

Bondage is a theme I've explored repeatedly. I would say that I enjoy writing established relationship smut the most because it can be assumed that the characters already know each other's likes and dislikes. But first-times can be fun too. I think I most enjoy writing smut between characters who trust each other and have a high level of emotional intimacy, whatever the specific activities involved might be.

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

To be honest I'm just not really a crossover person. I can find the idea of a crossover interesting, but at the end of the day I just don't enjoy transplanting characters out of their home setting as much as I enjoy exploring who they are within that setting and how it's shaped them.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. I had a kink meme fill straight up plagiarized once, very obviously, such that when I took it to the mods it was an open and shut takedown.

I've also had less cut and dry incidents, and those are much harder to know how to deal with. I have had people basically rewrite a scene that I wrote, using pieces of the same dialogue, almost as if they thought we were both interpreting a scene from canon when we were not, it was something that I had made up. And yet it's not really plagiarism strictly speaking, and it wasn't worth the social fallout of calling them out on it, so I never did more than grumble vaguely about what happened. I've also had things where like... I ran across something pretty distinctly inspired by a fic of mine that I know the author had read, without bothering to give me a shoutout. That's not theft, but it is a bummer.

In every such case if the author had just asked me, "Hey, can I borrow your idea here? Can I post a remix of your fic?" I probably would have said yes without hesitation. Hell, even if they had not asked and simply given me a shoutout in their author's notes, I would have been pleased to have inspired them. But they didn't do that, and there's nothing I can do about it but I am going to be cranky about it.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

I did have someone ask about translating a fic of mine once, and I gave permission, but I never heard back after that, so I don't know if they ever did. (This is something I have blanket permission for, by the way, so long as you let me know about it!)

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

Sort of? A friend and I did post a polished-up RP as a fic once, though we ended up not keeping it up. In general I think I'm a pretty solitary writer, though I wouldn't rule it out entirely, but I'd have to really feel that both my style and my writing process meshed well with my collaborator.

14. what’s your all-time favorite ship?

I'm too much of a multi-shipper to have a real answer to this.

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

If I want on any level to finish it, then I consider it still on the table. It might take me years to get back to it, but I still mean to. I still want to finish Small Blessings. I still want to finish Radio Silence. I trust that their time will come, even if it's not now.

16. what are your writing strengths?

Character voice, I think. Both dialogue, and getting inside a character's head and writing a plausible inner monologue.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Combat, always combat and action scenes, though I do think I'm getting better with practice.

Selfishness. As soon as I need to write something as an obligation to someone else, I don't want to do it, which is why I'd make a terrible professional writer, at least one who has to write to order.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Just write it. You don't have to italicize it or put some kind of indicator marks around it. Language is language. I think it's fine to post translations as a footnote but I don't think it's 100% necessary all the time, when it's something the reader can easily look up for themselves. I know I'm willing to do that kind of legwork for a fic I'm enjoying. I suppose it depends on the reader, and what kind of reader you want.

There are also times when it's perfectly fine to just write it in English (or the default language of the piece) while indicating in the narrative that the character is actually speaking in another language, such as ASL. Again I don't think you need to italicize or use some kind of weird formatting. Just write "He signed," and what he said in quotes like you would any other dialogue. If you've firmly established already that a character primarily speaks in ASL, you might not even need that. The reader can keep up.

Things do shift a bit when you're writing in a fictional language, especially one that's very incomplete and not a true conlang. I'll go with the obvious example of Dragon Age's Elvish (and yes, canonically the language is called Elvish or Elven, it's not called Elvhen, that's the people, not the language). Even if I string the appropriate words together, the meaning might not always be strictly clear to the reader out of context because Elvish is a pretty simple cipher. It doesn't have conjugation, for example. Nonetheless, I think often context clues can be enough for an engaged reader, especially if it's a word we encounter a lot in canon. Where it might not be clear, and if it's very important to the story, I will usually simply work some kind of translation into the narrative itself. This can work particularly well when your POV character also has it as a second language. Example from my Briala/f!Tabris draft:

Gheyna and Cammen, having finished tending to the halla, stood aside, hand in hand, and Gheyna waved. "Dareth shiral, Keeper. Talith, Briala, dareth shiral. Sylaise ma ghilana vhenas." Cammen added solemnly, "Dareth shiral, Talith. Elgar'nan ma ghilana, lasa mala enasalin." At that, Talith's expression grew solemn as well. "Ma serannas, lethallen. Dareth shiral." Briala recognized a few words. Dareth shiral, "Safe journey." Vhenas, enasalin. And the names of the elven gods. Gheyna had bid the Hearthkeeper guide them safely home.

I personally prefer to stick to what we have in canon for Elvish (I'm not going to set myself up to be jossed if I don't have to), or if I ever really need an unknown word I'll make something up for myself. While there are some fanmade Elvish dictionaries out there, I'm not comfortable hanging too much of my own work on someone else's fanon, and also I inevitably disagree with some of their decisions on ambiguous canon words. (Ma does not mean "my," it means "you." This is consistent with every canon use of "ma" except one, and that one is in DA2 and is thus really, really likely to have been an oversight due to rushed development; every other instance of "ma" supports it meaning "you." Sorry, that has been eating at me for ages and I needed to get it off my chest. 😅) That said there are multiple fanmade Elvish dictionaries out there at this point, so if you're going to use someone else's, in this case I would strongly recommend supplying the reader with a link, both to credit the author and so the reader knows where to go to look up the words if they choose to. Don't assume that everyone knows you're using so-and-so's Elvish dictionary; I had never even heard of the big popular one until a couple years ago.

That was a lot, but at the end of the day, it's all about making a judgment call on how much you need to hold the reader's hand, as with anything; I personally tend to err on the side of trusting my reader, and if I assumed too much, well, maybe that's my mistake and maybe that reader wasn't my target audience anyway. 🤷🏻‍♀️ You'll figure out what's right for your work.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

The first fandom I wrote for was actually Dragon Age, but that early writing never saw the light of day. First fandom I posted fic for was Fallout.

20. favorite fic you’ve ever written?

OH MAN. That's hard! I referenced The Drop, my Mainelina trilogy for RvB, multiple times in this post so obviously I'm still pretty fond of it. I'll add to that Inroads, my Kimbalina series. For Fallout, I'm real happy with Home Front (Amata/F!LW) and Cast Your Bread Upon the Water (Dr. Li/Star Paladin Cross, past Dr. Li/Catherine/James). And for Dragon Age, my current faves are No Woman Rules Alone (Anora/F!Tabris) and A Pot to Piss In (Sera backstory fic).

[captainsolocide]

solo talks about cbs elementary part 1

okay so yesterday I made post wondering if anyone would be interesting in hearing my cbs elementary thoughts. in the tags of that post I threatened said that one note was all it took to make this (a fleshed out series? of posts detailing pretty much everything I've ever thought about this show) happen, and for better or worse, I got that note, so instead of studying for one of my two midterms I have next week, I started this!

I am currently in the first half of season 4 but I started recording my thoughts from the very beginning. unfortunately they are very disorganized, so at least until I get to where I am currently watching I think I'm going to group these by multiple episodes. This section covers about the first half of season one

Since I've watched past the episodes I'll be talking about at first, I thought I would also add commentary if I have any hindsight to add to any of them. Any future knowledge commentary will prefaced as such.

Enjoy! and don't be afraid to leave your own thoughts if you feel so inclined, even if you completely disagree. I am insane about them so I am always ready to discuss :)

the good:

Holmes getting weird with his investigating (i.e. sniffing the walls, crawling around on the floor, licking things, etc.). It is very important to me that Holmes is, at the end of the day, a weird little guy

bitchy Holmes! Also very important to me! This also ties in with Holmes having emotions, but basically I just want Holmes to be written like the drama queen he is. (future solo thought: Elementary and JLM consistently do a good job of portraying him as such)

Avoidance of both teh stupid Watson and angry Watson trope. At this point, that's perfection

Holmes hates rich people! (future solo thought: I did not realize just how much copaganda there is in this how. it's very difficult to portray some of his more left-leaning ideals in shows like this, so I'm honestly glad for whatever scraps we can get)

I think Holmes having tattoos is a good call for a modernized version of him

crediting Watson with helping even when she hasn't done anything — this is something ACD!Holmes does as well and I think it's really funny (of course we know that Watson actually does help, just not always in obvious ways — sometimes even she's confused when Holmes thanks her, it's just funny the way he does this because he very rarely elaborates)

Encouraging Watson to make her own deductions (future solo thought: at this point in my watching this I didn't realize they were going to make Watson a detective in her own right, so this goes double now)

Telling Watson that she's necessary to his process fairly early into their relationship — we love codependent besties <3

Watson as a puzzle — not everyone likes this read of their relationship, but personally I love it

"WATSON!!!" — when Holmes yells her name like this I cannot help but be reminded of Jeremy Brett which can only do good things for my opinion of JLM's version

Holmes having daddy issues is always fun to explore, not mad at all if they decide to do more with this (future solo thought: I was very correct in this lmao)

Holmes just 🧍‍♂️-ing next to Watson's bed to wake her up occasionally. Again, reminds me of Brett, and it's objectively funny

"My dear Watson," I love this sentiment in the books when Holmes was saying this every other sentence, so seeing him say that at a time where it's not as common. It means a lot. To me.

Holmes' reaction to Watson calling herself his friend 🥹🥹

CIGARETTE ASH MONOGRAPH YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS

Okay. This one needs some explaining. Holmes starts out misogynistic does go in the good BECAUSE I think his growth through that can be a really interesting and important thing to watch — it shows that even the smartest of us can hold unconscious biases that we need to do work to undo

the bad

The reworking of Watson's backstory — not all of this is bad, in fact some of it was necessary to distinguish Joan as her own character, but I do resent how Watson's tragic backstory in this meant that her doctor title is not used, and I feel like taking away Watson's injuries was missed opportunity as well

no live-in Mrs. Hudson = Watson getting relegated to house keeper duties, something that character does not do in the books. wonder what the difference is here? (future solo thought: this was a bigger issue in season one, I think. as far as I can tell, there seems to be a more even sharing of household chores as their relationship develops more, but my point for early season one stands)

Copaganda. It's lame and not in line with Holmes' characterization if you think about it for more than two seconds. I understand he works with them sometimes, but the amount of respect they have Holmes have for the police is disgusting. there have been several episodes I could barely finish because it was just so so bad

Holmes called Freud a genius in season one. girl.

[triviareads]

ARC Review of The Rebel King by Kennedy Ryan

Summary:

Maxim Cade and Lennix Moon Hunter are finally together after over a decade of near-misses. However, their relationship is tested by a kidnapping, then further tragedy that leads to a political situation that will have long-lasting implications for them, their loved ones, and the entire country.

My Review:

I finally got a chance to read the Kingmaker series leading up to its rerelease and I'm so glad I did. It really is a gorgeous series— very grand and sweeping in a way modern romances very rarely are: You have your Kennedy-esque family (no seriously, the way I SCREAMED when Max invoked Bobby Kennedy at the point in time he did) except Old Oil Money instead of New England patricians, you have two characters that should basically be mortal enemies because of what his family did to hers and yet they can't help falling in love, then you have this decades-long love story, the heroine is nicknamed the Kingmaker (which I am personally obsessed with; I love reading about a good kingmaker personality— both in real life and in fiction), and now the hero who is the Rebel King (the origin story is that his middle name is Kingsmen and his mom used to call him and his brother by saying "All the king's men" which.... if that isn't a reference to the book All The King's Men, I don't know what it is).

I deeply appreciate Kennedy Ryan's dedication to portraying Lennix's Native American heritage in a respectful manner— Kennedy consulted members of the Yavapai-Apache Nation and members of other tribes while writing these books. And Lennix's culture isn't just some background thing; it impacts how she lives, her ideals, and her politics.

Speaking of politics, I think regardless of your personal views, the political aspect of this novel is written in a fairly simple, approachable way that doesn't get too technical, and Kennedy seamlessly intertwines it with the romance. Do I think a lot of it was unrealistic? Yes, but the extraordinary political situation Kennedy sets up calls for an extraordinary solution so I rolled with it.

As for Lennix and Max's relationship, I am a fan of the overall trajectory in this book; a lot of authors tend to get lost somewhere along the way after the main characters get together, but Kennedy Ryan did a great job by not injecting petty drama or whatever, but rather, the turn the plot takes means there are lots of tough questions they need to answer about their future sooner rather than later. Also, reading them as a couple (which we don't see much of in the previous book) also reveals some interesting aspects to their relationship: Maxim is a lot more possessive over Lennix in this book than I thought be would be (and I feel like this goes beyond just as a response to the situation in the beginning of this book), and outside of the relationship, he becomes a lot more maverick-y, if that makes sense. Actually, in hindsight, Lennix is fairly steady in comparison.

The sex:

The sex scenes in this book were seamless and really fit into the plot well, especially considering the insane span of emotions both Lennix and Max (especially Max) go through during the course of this book. And who said sex in a committed relationship gets boring? Not these two. Standout moments in this book for me include a very emotional sex scene after a very tragic incident (which would probably constitute as a spoiler), a scene in their kitchen where Max is full-on sucking Lennix's nipples through her sweatshirt and the noises the make gets everyone in the apartment hot and bothered lolol, and of course, the rare contemporary romance butt stuff (for both of them!).

Overall:

Honestly, I'd recommend this book to anyone and everyone: romance readers in general, fans of political dramas, anyone looking for a diverse romance... you name it, I genuinely think this book has it.

Thank you to Bloom Books and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for my review.