#i think they work best as friends and theres a lot of good romantic backing for narumitsu

[spacedlexi]

maybe if i just put these screenshots together youll understand why i think their relationship just Works so well as it pertains to the characters and themes of S4 in general

neither of them know what theyre doing, but theyre figuring it out Together. the old ways are dead. and together theyll build a new future thats worth fighting for

[songsofadelaide]

HELLOO!!! me again teehee i was wondering if u still accepted requests or if theyre closed for now but i still wanted to share my ting!! moment but its totally up to u whether or not u’ll accept.

in part two of the cbffs hoshina x reader series, hoshina mentioned reader should write him letters if there are anything reader cant say to his face and i was wondering if we could get like a moment where that happens im thinking uhh since hoshina is pretty important member of the force maybe he gets too busy/ preoccupied/ spending too much time w work and while reader understands this it doesnt mean she doesnt feel lonely sometimes… maybe add a bit of jealousy w hoshina spending alot more time w/ okonogi or whoever/ whatever scenario if thats up to ur liking and reader just gets distant?? and decides to leave a letter to hoshinas table telling how she feels as she cant say what shes feeling to his face

idk theyve been so cute and happy i wanna ruin it EMZ!!! lowkey theres already a number of good jealous hoshina we need more of jealous reader imo. thank uuu!!!

ANON WHY?! Like why ruin a perfectly good thing LOL BUT I GET! 😂 I'm all for fluff, but maybe the reader should go apeshit sometimes. 🤭

This will be the final part of my Radiant Point series, which took on a life of its own after I received so many lovely requests for more parts of it! 💛

My apologies too that this took so long! There's balancing life in real-time. (I just quit my job and am now hunting for a new one lol! 😂)

flare — another side story to radiant point. ✧ refulgence | candor

cw: vice captain soshiro x platoon leader (f) reader, fiancee reader, childhood friends to lovers, jealous + mean reader, no use of 'yn', happy reunions.

Vice Captain Hoshina Soshiro of the Third Division was perhaps the second most admired person in Tokyo. 

Not only that, but perhaps he's also the second most busy person in your division.

You learned about that the hard way one day when you found Soshiro conversing with one of the Operations trainees Konomi assigned to him during low-risk missions while on your way to the Captain's office. You just wrapped up from a mission yourself when you nearly walked in on him and the young but pretty girl. She had a neat look to her person and evidently took everything he said to heart, jotting down notes as he spoke to her about pointers you had no idea about. If you remembered correctly, too, she must be one of Konomi's best and brightest since she had no issue assigning her to the Vice Captain, of all people. 

"Well? Did you get all of that, Tateyama? It's a lot to consider, but Okonogi-chan thinks you're capable enough."

"Yes, boss! I-I mean sir!" The Operations trainee, Tateyama, eagerly nodded her assent as she closed her notepad and slipped it back into the pocket of her white coat. 

"Do you have any other questions?"

"D-Do you have a girlfriend, Vice Captain?!"

"I'm engaged to Platoon Leader Koganei," Soshiro replied with his usual cheer. "You must not know about it since we've just recently announced it."

"O-Oh, I see! One of our Platoon Leaders…" 

"She and I are childhood friends, too."

"Ah! And childhood friends, too!" The younger girl remarked with a look of complete surprise on her face. "How romantic!" 

You left them to their conversation after hearing just how harmless it was and decided to pay no thought to it afterwards. A young girl with a silly crush on your fiancé was nothing to feel threatened about. More than anything, it was rather flattering to know just how well-sought-after Soshiro was and that he still chose you out of all the people he could be with.

But then you realised the young girls around him may not be as harmless as you initially thought.

The young Operations trainees were taking a break from weapons calibrations when you overheard their conversation at the mess hall that afternoon. You didn't mean to, of course. You and Tae were there for a break yourselves, but something in the tone of their voices made you do a double-take.

"I can't believe you actually asked Vice Captain Hoshina if the rumours were true!" 

"I-I know! It's too bad that they were. That means he's off-limits," said the girl you recognised as Tateyama from the other day. "B-But that doesn't mean we can't daydream about him a little now, can we? He's just so cool!"

"Exactly! And he's got a cute side, too. Maybe if we show him just how good we are, he might cave in and even consider enterta—"

"Well, that's not a good w— O-Otome-chan?!"

Your fellow Platoon Leader was unable to stop you from marching towards their table, where you unceremoniously slammed down your favourite iced drink.

"P-Platoon Leader K—!" The girls hastily rose to their feet to meet your smiling yet furious gaze. "We—"

"You're… Tateyama, aren't you? The one assigned to the Vice Captain," you said, not even allowing them to speak. "And you are?"

"A-Akabane, ma'am," the other girl stammered.

"My, you must think so little of Vice Captain Hoshina if you think he'll consider entertaining little brats like you," you stated with a wicked grin on your face. "How… funny. I seem to recall the Vice Captain telling you that he was already engaged, Tateyama. But that doesn't bother you at all, does it?"

"I-I…"

"This isn't high school, children. We aren't in the business of stealing other women's boyfriends here. Even more so that he's engaged. We're all about saving lives and subjugating Kaiju here. If you're really as smart as Konomi-chan says you are, you'll know what's more important."

How scary, Tae thought to herself, though she couldn't blame you for reacting that way, too. Then again, these kids are way too brazen!

Captain Ashiro Mina of the Third Division, a pillar of strength and a beacon of light for the people of Tokyo, has been reduced to matchmaking duties because she's had just about enough.

Because two of her best officers were acting like idiots.

She was supportive of your relationship with Soshiro at first, but now that you were unable to coexist in the same space whenever the Vice Captain was around, she thinks it's borderline ridiculous. You couldn't even deliver reports without glaring at him wherever your eyes met! (And you admit that it's totally unprofessional on your part.) Mina is forgiving, but your situation begs the question now.

Can loving someone really fry your brain that much?

She heard about how you scolded the younger Operations trainees and even had Konomi apologising for their "brazen" behaviour, as Tae also mentioned.  

Soshiro's not-so-subtle teasing and flirting aren't helping your case, either. Everyone knew he liked throwing around little endearments, but the way he spoke to you was different— his voice hushed to a whisper and a string of endearments he'd rather not let anyone else hear—and it made sense to the rookies that you were a blubbering mess afterwards.

But they all noticed how you avoided the Vice Captain like he had the plague even though he just whispered yet another light-hearted sweet nothing to you. It was clear to them that you were annoyed, but the way your lips quivered in embarrassment gave you away and you might as well just combust on the spot.

"I'm acting like a fool…"

The final straw was when you were taking your bath late in the night. Mina realised you were purposely avoiding everyone else by volunteering to be the last one to take a bath and mop up the floors. You thought you'd be all alone by then, but you were shell-shocked by the dark silhouette that appeared behind you as you groaned to yourself. 

"C-Captain! I-It's late! Wh—"

Your Captain held her belongings in one hand while the other had a finger gun pointed at you. "You need to tell me if you're acting like a fool for a reason."

Soshiro has had just about enough of your attitude lately.

Your jealous outburst was cute when he first heard about it, but the Operations trainees wanted nothing to do with him anymore after that. And he couldn't have that happening since they had to practise analysing vitals and situations and calibrating weapons with someone. He will have to pass on the task to the Platoon Leaders, but he needed to speak with them— and you. 

You avoided him as much as you possibly could and everyone else picked up on it now because no one else spoke up whenever you two were in close proximity, as if they were waiting and anticipating for the two of you to reconcile. You didn't mention anything about leaving Tachikawa, too, since he found out earlier this week that your platoon was assigned under Ryo and Tae in the meantime.

"I gave Koganei an assignment. She's at Ariake," Mina told her Vice Captain as he inquired about your whereabouts. "She… didn't want me to tell you about it."

"Ah, I see," came Soshiro's flat response. "I apologise for draggin' the entire division in our…"

"She'll be back tomorrow. When she arrives, I'll need you two back here in my office to discuss something," she stated. "In the meantime, Hoshina, have you considered organising the files at your office?"

Letters were among the many things you and Soshiro shared, especially when you went to France to further your fencing skills. For the young man who loved to read and devoured nearly everything that had words on it, your letters to him were always a source of delight. When you were still in France, it took around 10 days for your letters to reach each other, so you always had something new to read almost every week.  

He was utterly elated when he found yet even more letters from you addressed to him, though you never sent them his way because of how candid they were. It pleased him to no end to find out that his feelings for you were reciprocated. In your letters, he could trust you to give voice to the very depths of your emotions, even more now after he told you to write to him whenever you wanted to. 

On his office desk sat a single letter in your familiar and favourite cream stationery, and it was only then he realised that his Captain's cryptic comment was meant to be a sign of sorts pointing to his most favourite means of communication with you, his most favourite person. The letter sat atop a number of document folders that had to be sorted out, but he'd figure those out later. 

"To Hoshina Soshiro-副隊長,

I suppose I'm still at headquarters by the time you find this letter. I remember you once told me that I could write to you whenever I could, whenever I wanted to, especially if there were things on my mind that I couldn't speak out loud. It's embarrassing having to write something like this, but I feel like I can be honest with you here.

It was only recently that I realised that Vice Captain Hoshina Soshiro of the Third Division is perhaps the second most admired person in Tokyo. I say second because Captain Ashiro is still at the top of the list. Imagine that— your fiancé, one of the most admired persons in the city. The whole of Japan, even, now that I think about it. 

You always claimed to be nothing special, but I can confirm with you that it wasn't true at all when I heard those little girls prattling about impressing you. They speak about you like you're some monolith meant to be worshipped… and the worst part is I completely understand them. I, too, look up at you in awe of your silent strength and skill and still hope that you will turn my way— even though I know that your gaze rested solely on me and that your heart is mine, even from long, long ago. 

Truth be told, I can't handle the way other women speak about you. And it's beyond my control. You are just so amazing like that— And have you heard the way they talk about your body??? You've been objectified so many times now, I might as well burn down the base—

I know I must have been a brat this past week, but I promise you that my antics end now. Captain Ashiro scolded me in the bathroom sometime last week and told me to sort things out with you. She even said you must hand over my remaining brain cell because I clearly wasn't thinking straight these past few days. 

I apologise for being such an insufferable person. I hope we can talk once I return from Ariake. The Captain of the First Division requested a blade master for close-quarters training, so Captain Ashiro sent me, claiming I am the second best Tachikawa can offer. You are, of course, a knife she can't afford to lose. 

She also told me to beat up Captain Narumi in her stead, so there is that.

I'll bring back some Mont Blanc from that shop at Jiyugaoka. Let's have them with coffee and tea when I get back.

I love you dearly."

Soshiro was nothing but happy to see you back at Tachikawa a day later, the box of Mont Blanc you promised him nearly dropped in the process when he welcomed you back with a hug. He didn't let go despite your struggling and urging and whimpering at how embarrassing this was. 

How could he let you go when you were holding him just as tight in the first place? 

You both had barely set down your salutes when your Captain welcomed you into her office with a simple declaration, an order you couldn't refuse. 

"I need you two to go on a vacation for me."

✦ Thank you for requesting! Nothing makes me happier than writing a request I know I can work with. 🍹 You can read more about requesting here. (Requests are closed at present. Thanks for your kind understanding!)

[the-s1lly-corner]

Can we get silly fluff scenarios where the bishops partner or friend (whatever would spark more creativity for you) is a baker and test out new things they make with the bishops if it's successful or not

Bishops x baker!reader

bro i just had a burger and it was so good got me peeling my skin off frfr notes: reader is gn, can be read as romantic or platonic, reader is any creature, bishops are still bishops here cws: none

LESHY

putting size aside, hes going to eat anything you hang to him in one bite, just shoving the entire thing in his mouth.... though does it count as shoving if hes so large its all just.. naturally one bite?

does not take the time to take in the texture and flavors because of it so you may need to remind him to slow down

thanks to him having an advanced sense of smell he can pick up on a lot of the flavors more than others... beelines for you the second he gets a whiff of any of your ingredients

though not much of a sweets person himself, hes willing to try anything you bake! though be warned he may suggest you make foul combination to give to a poor unsuspecting follower

HEKET

i like to think that despite being the god of famine, shes bit of a foody.. kind of misses eating from before she ascended to godhood, you bring back those memories

sometimes brings you stuff she believes may help your hobby as well as introducing new flavors- whether its something she finds in anura or gets through trading with others

does not take her time with eating your baking though, much like her younger brother... though shes no where near as intense about it as leshy

focuses a lot on texture and let you know what works together and what doesnt

will get very possessive over any baked treat you make for her, assuming theres anyone who wants to attempt stealing from her

KALLAMAR

loves that hes your taste tester, youve come to him first for advice and opinions- it makes him feel important, even more so if baking is your job rather than a hobby

gets you the highest quality ingredients as well as stuff from all over- similar to heket, though hes more likely to get you things he deems "fancy", something pricey and rich in flavor

lets you know his honest opinion, at least most of the time.. you can tell when he thinks something doesnt exactly work... he just doesnt want to hurt your feelings is all- even if sometimes he just lets his words spill anyway

makes requests and will sometimes ask you to cater for cult wide events if he really feels like winning over his followers (to keep them in line, usually.. if the threat of illness doesnt work all that well)

SHAMURA

doesnt eat, like the other gods, and they dont miss eating all that much- that being said they do partake in your baking because its something youre interested in

headcanon that they keep a lot of books on hand, kind of just getting a little bit of everything- if they have a book with older recipes and any historical stuff theyre going to be sending it your way!

very honest but unlike kallamar they have the mind and skill to say something gentler if something isnt... the best.. will keep encouraging you to try again until you find something that works

very polite when eating what you make for them, they take their time... even if it means taking incredibly small bites to actually process and taste things

will always finish what you make regardless of if they like it or not

[soobibabe]

scripted hearts teaser

pairings: jeon jungkook + reader. genre: romantic comedy (including eventual smut.) trope: actor/actress au, work romance, friends to lovers.

"And, scene. That's it for today everyone, good work!" the director shouts from behind the camera, wrapping off the recording.

But for you, there is a pause. The tension is so high in the room that for the first time, you can't distinguish yourself from your character anymore. Your co-stars' hands are around your waist, eyes meeting yours with so much intensity, it makes you dizzy.

The sound of the other actors calling your names for team dinner snaps you both back into reality. You're not sure what that was.

This isn't your first film with Jungkook. A few years ago, you worked together in your debut drama. It was one in which he was the second male lead and you were the main character's best friend.

Now, you're the main character. Jungkook, your leading man.

You're not used to romance dramas, you typically take on thriller roles. Maybe that's why filming scenes like these with close contact with him makes your heart pound out of your chest.

He clears his throat, "We should get going..." Did he feel it too? "yeah, let's go" you reply, reluctantly peeling yourself away from his embrace to return to your dressing room.

At dinner, Jungkook sits next to you and everyone's engaged in conversation. Perhaps you've had a little too much to drink, you're usually reserved but right now you can't help but feel so free. You're laughing at everything, smiling a lot more, and even making stupid jokes, your co-workers are perplexed.

"Cute".

You turn your head to Jungkook and he's already looking at you with the same enamored expression he has when you're filming 'Eternal Summer'. He's definitely not drunk, did he really say that?

"What is it?" you ask. "Nothing. You look pretty." he responds, causing you to blush at the unexpected compliment. What has gotten into him...

You wake up in your bed, not remembering when or how you got home. 'Did my manager pick me up?' There's a honey hangover on your nightstand. 'How thoughtful of Yura.'

Today's the day you have to do the promotion photoshoot with Jungkook. You're used to these, you recently shot one with Kim SO-Hyun for a commercial so it shouldn't be difficult, but this is Jeon Jungkook, the national heartthrob.

When you get there, your manager runs through the concept with you. "Thanks for the hangover curse by the way" Yura looks at you as you voice this, puzzled.

"Hey didn't I tell you not to drink if you can't remember what happened after?" She begins to scold.

"Oh! ahaha i was just kiddin-" you begin. "Y/n! Which outfit are we doing first?" Jungkook calls across the room, enraptured looking at the choices.

"Coming!" you yell back, smiling it Yura, thankful Jungkook's excitement saved you from an earful.

[after the shoot]

"Did you get the honey cure?" Jungkook inquires.

Your eyes widen at his sudden question. Theres no way you were that blacked-out. shit. "Wait, that was you?"

"Do you not remember?" his head tilts to the side, eyebrow quirking to match your confused expression.

You pause to think.

"Oh my god" you whisper under your breath, looking away from the taller figure, as the memories of last night run through your head like a 1900s stop-motion film.

[summarised text-version:] 1. Falling asleep on Jeon Jungkook's shoulder at the table. The group was too busy chatting and drunk themselves to notice your head on his strong arms. 2. Jungkook, realizing your sleepy state, gently nudging you awake and offering to drive you home. You refuse. Insisting that you were perfectly fine to walk, much to Jungkook's amusement. 3. Defeatedly allowing him the grace of escorting you home. Him wrapping his arm around your waist to steady you as you wobbled out of the restaurant. You, in your drunken haze, telling him he smelled nice, causing him to laugh softly. 4. After lots of sulking the whole car ride about how you were totally fine and could have stayed for more drinks, you arrived at your estate. You fumbled with your keys until Jungkook finally took them from you, opening the door. Once you're inside, you're reminded of just how lonely this huge place is. 5. Inviting Jeon Jungkook into your home. Once you're inside, you're reminded of just how isolating this huge place is. "Can you stay a little longer? I'm not tired yet, and it's too lonely here to entertain myself to sleep." you asked in pout, slurring your words unknowingly. Jungkook's eyes scanned your face attempting to examine if you were being serious, the sadden expression you displayed told him all that he needed to know. "Sure, no problem." he flashed a smile. "What do you wanna do? Talk? Movies? Games?" "All of the above!" you exclaim, eyes closed and hand in the air throwing an excited grin. "Adorable" he whispers inaudibly to you and ruffles your hair. 6. Passing time with a beautiful man in your abode. You lead him into your kitchen where you show him your wine collection, your beer fridge, and finally, your pantry, all of which you make known that he can access at any time. You make your way to your living room where you set up the consoles while he does whatever he's doing in the kitchen. Shortly after, jungkook joins you with 2 beers and ramen, sitting beside you taking the console out of your hand. "Missed me?" he asked, jokingly. "Ramen! What a man you are, Jeon." you say with a teasing tone. You really do appreciate his effort. You play whilst waiting for the food to cool down, the tension in the room rising when you grow competitive, annoyed at how astonishingly good jungkook is at this stupid game. "hey! you're cheating!" you dodge when his hand sneaks up to your side, endeavoring to tickle you, eliciting a laugh from him. In the end, jungkook wins all 3 matches, poking fun at your post-loss temper. But after a while passes, you're back in your haze again, Jungkook doesn't miss the sadness in your eyes when you look at him. "Are you okay? How come you drank so much? I remember when we shot 'Ephemeral' you refused to drink at team gatherings." his tender eyes soften upon meeting yours. "You're more observant than I realised. I became more open to drinking after Seo-Joon and I broke up" that's all you say before chugging the rest of your beer.

"Oh, I'm sorry for bringing that up then," he starts, but you interrupt him by saying; "Don't be. He couldn't make me cum anyway." Jungkook's jaw drops, expression changing from guilt to one of shock, and... pity?

"But -- weren't you with him for... a year?" he speaks as though he can't believe what he's saying. "Yeah well, his ego was too big for me to have burst it by telling him I didn't finish, so I just faked it." the alcohol seemed to make you more honest.

"It is what it is," you laugh it off, "don't look so startled".

"What about now?" his question catches you off guard this time. "Have you been able to get off?" the alcohol is probably getting to him now.

"I haven't been with anyone else since if that's what you're asking, but sometimes I just don't have the time to you know - do it myself." you admit, and he's stunned.

"How about I help you?" with the face of the person asking, you don't need much convincing. "When? right now?" you ask, a little puzzled.

"Wow, I didn't know you wanted me that badly," he smirks "No silly, not now. When you're sober, if you need me, you can have me." with that being said, your cheeks are now a new shade of red and it's not from the alcohol.

"I'm gonna go get another beer," you announce before drifting out into the dark halls to your kitchen, ignoring that you can practically hear your heartbeat racing.

When you come back to the living room, Jungkook has already switched the videogames to Netflix, waiting for your return to start 'The Notebook'.

Halfway into the movie, you fall asleep on his shoulder for the second time that night. He cleans up, trying not to move too much in order to not wake you.

He lifts you bridal style -- like you were a feather, taking you to your room and tucking you into your bed. Before he leaves. he goes back into the fridge to take out the honey hangover remedy he made when you arrived, placing it on your bedside table for when you wake up.

[the end >.<] There are many gaps in the flashback of last night, however, that doesn’t stop you from being flushed with embarrassment. "Jungkook I am so sorry about-"

"I had fun. We should hang out more." he shuts down your apology, subsequently ridding you of any overthinking that was about to take place in your head.

“I agree,” you speak before giving much thought to your answer — did you answer too quickly?

“Like right now. My blood sugars low from all that losing i want a sweet treat” he interrupts before you can attempt to modify your response. It’s like he can see right through you.

You’re still processing Jungkook’s comment when he continues, a playful glint in his eye. “How about we head to that café down the street for some dessert? I heard they have the best pastries in town.”

The idea of spending more time with him, especially in a relaxed setting, fills you with a mix of excitement and apprehension. You nod, trying to keep your composure. “That sounds great. Let me just grab my jacket.”

A/N: Currently, there is no official release date for the full story. However, I am eager to hear your thoughts on the storyline so far.

To be added to the official taglist, please click here!

By joining the taglist, you will receive notifications when the story is published, as you will be tagged in the official announcement by the author.

© all rights reserved soobibabe on tumblr. do not cross-post, copy or translate etc.

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[lovegalor333]

fresh start

part five (chapter 13-15) previous part • next part

word count: 5.1k

content warnings: none!

Lily

Thursday through Saturday dragged by as if it was three weeks rather than three days and my upcoming date with Paige sat like the light at the end of the tunnel.

We were both equally as busy with classes, homework and Paige with basketball and me with work that we had gone the entirety of Thursday and Friday without seeing each other. Of course, we'd spoken on the phone but it wasn't the same so by the time Saturday arrived I was practically craving Paige.

Kelsey and I had picked up an afternoon coffee and I walked her to her shift at one of the cafès on campus. I was on my walk back to my apartment when my phone rang, it was Paige.

"Hello pretty girl."

"Hi Paige."

"I'll pick you up at six thirty, so be ready."

"You don't have to pick me up, I can meet you at your apartment if that's easier."

"I'll be picking you up, Lily."

"Yes ma'am."

Paige had still refused to give me even the smallest clue as to what our date would consist of but I did manage to get a 'casual' dress code out her, although what that meant - I don't know.

I spent the short walk home going through casual outfit options in my head that could be acceptable to wear on a date and came to one conclusion:

I needed to consult Hannah.

"And she's not even hinted at where you could be going?" Hannah asked and I shook my head, "Nope."

"Oh, this is fun though! Paige Bueckers - the romantic." She squealed as she rifled through my closet. "Are you excited?"

I nodded, a huge smile spreading on my face, "So excited."

"You seem really happy Lily." Hannah said turning to me, her hands full of clothes.

"I feel really happy." I say honestly because I do. This is the best I've felt since before everything happened but unfortunately I know my brain and I know this feeling isn't forever but I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

"Show me my options then." I say to Hannah and she brings multiple sets of clothes over to me and lays them out on my bed.

"Casual is a broad spectrum, your girlfriend left us with a lot of choice."

"She's not my girlfr-"

Hannah cuts me off with a wave of her hand, "Tomayto, tomahto." She says.

"Theres a jeans, skirt and yoga pants option." She explains pointing to each pile of clothes.

Mom jeans were a staple of almost all my outfits so naturally that's what I strayed to. Hannah had choosen a light denim wash pair of jeans with a long sleeve white off the shoulder top.

"I think I'll go with that." I say picking up the other two outfits and putting them back in my closet.

"Good choice! I'll leave you to get ready." She says walking out of my bedroom.

I take my time getting ready because a rushed Lily is a stressed Lily and a stressed Lily is grumpy and I wanted tonight to be perfect.

I decided to curl my hair instead of straightening it for once and hoped Paige would like it, she's never seen with curls before. I did my usual simple makeup and before I knew it, I had checked the time at it was 6:20PM. Paige would be here in ten minutes.

I gathered my necessities and stuffed them into my hand bag: wallet, keys, lipbalm.

I snapped a picture of myself and sent it to Emma and she replied instantly with a series of immature, teenage boy-esque emojis, I giggled out loud at my best friend.

At 6:30PM on the dot, there was a knock on our apartment door, "I think that's for you." Madison said peeking her head round my bedroom door before her, Hannah and Kelsey all retreated into her room.

My stomach fluttered as if I was on a blind date and I was about to see the person I was going out with for the first time. But when I opened the door to reveal Paige, my Paige, that I know so well, my stomach settled and any nerves were replaced with warmth.

Paige was wearing black cargo pants and a hot pink sweater, she had a bag slung across her body and her hair was sleek and straight, tucked behind her ears.

Her blue eyes shone bright against the pink of her sweater and I was speechless for a second.

"Hi Lils." She says a small smirk playing on her lips, "These are for you." She produces a large bunch of pale pink peonies from behind her back.

"P, they're beautiful." I gush taking the bouquet from her and admiring the flowers.

We quickly step inside so I can put them in a vase with water, "Ready?" I turn to Paige once my flowers are neatly displayed.

"Ready, pretty girl." She says and follows me out of the apartment.

"You look so good." I compliment her as we get into her car, "I think pinks your colour."

"Thank you." She says a small shy smile on her face.

Paige refuses to answer my hundreds of questions about where we're going, she practically drives in silence ignoring my pleads for 'just one clue'.

"Lily, has anyone ever told you 'patience is a virtue'?" She asks turning to look at me as we stop at a stop sign.

"Paige, I'm a passenger princess, not a patient princess." I tell her as we begin to drive again.

"Well princess, you don't have to be patient anymore. We're here." She says taking one more turn before bringing the car to a stop outside of a church.

To say I was confused was an understatement. Paige was very open about her faith and she would often tell me how important it was to her but I struggled to see how this would be a date setting.

"You tryna make me your wife already?" I joke as Paige opens my door for me and I step out into the cool, New England fall air.

She just laughs, slipping her hand into mine and begins walking us towards the perfectly sculpted building.

"No, seriously Paige." I stop us in our tracks. I had a complicated relationship with my religion and Paige knew that.

"Just trust me." She says and begins walking again and I do trust Paige so I followed her.

As we got closer to the entrance, I could see someone at the door as if they were checking tickets, this only deepened my confusion.

I watched intently as Paige opened her emails on her phone and scrolled a little before clicking on one, revealing two barcodes ready to be scanned.

"Good evening." The woman at the door smiled and sweet smile before scanning the codes and handing us a pamphlet each.

Looking down at the paper in my hand, my confusion disappeared but tears prickled in my waterlines, "Paige..." I breathed out looking up at her, the tears threatening to spill.

The pamphlet showed the interior of a chuch, lit entirely by candles with an orchestra in the middle with the title,

Candlelight Concerts:

Lana Del Rey

I was in shock as we walked through the dark church illuminated by, what must be hundreds if not thousands of candles.

Paige lead us to an empty row of seats and we sat side by side, our hands still firmly in each others.

"How did you find this?" I ask her in awe of what I was seeing.

"I have my ways." She responds smiling as the orchestra begins playing Young and Beautiful.

The entire concert was instrumental, played solely by the orchestra and I had goosebumps the entire time.

Lana was my favourite artist ever. Her music had helped me and shaped me in so many ways and to hear it in a way I've never heard it before, so stripped back, so raw was incredibly special to me. And the fact that Paige had thought of me, found this event and brought me here made my entire body tingle with a feeling I'd never felt before.

The orchestra finished with National Anthem and the tears that had been threatening to fall the entire night could no longer be held back.

"You wasn't supposed to cry, pretty girl." Paige says to me as she gently wipes my cheeks.

"They're happy tears." I choke out, "Paige, that was beautiful."

"I'm glad you liked it." She says as we walk out of the church and back to her car.

"I feel like anything I say won't properly articulate how I feel. That meant so much to me, I don't think you understand." I ramble out wanting Paige to know how I felt but not knowing how to express myself.

"I wanted to do something special for you, something you'd remember." She tells me.

"I'll never forget that, P. Never, ever."

We ended our 'first' date paying homage to our actual first date and got frozen yogurt. I had to physically battle Paige to pay for our orders but of course she won.

In one swift movement she had swiped my card out of my hand and held it above her head out of my reach while she tapped her own.

A chill ran over me as we finished our Fro-Yo, I had underestimated the New England weather, I should have brought a jacket.

Paige must have noticed me shiver because she reached round behind my seat and pulled out a hoodie.

A grey UConn Huskies hoodie.

"Here." she says handing it to me and I immediately pull it over my head and down my body, instantly feeling warmer.

Paiges signature vanilla musk wafted up from the sweater and it took me back to that night in bar when I smelt her scent for the first time.

I spent the car ride home focused on how I was going to orchestrate what I wanted to do and after a quick text to Kelsey, by the time we pulled up to my apartment block, I had it figured out.

I began to pull off Paiges hoodie to hand it back to her, "Keep it." She says stopping me, "I've been meaning to give it to you."

"This won't stop me from wearing my UMass one." I tell her, pulling the hoodie back down.

"But this one suits you so much better. You look good in my clothes." She says tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, "You also look good with curls." She adds, running her fingers through the ends of my hair.

As always, Paige walked me to my front door, "Come in for a second?" I ask hoping her answer would be yes and it was.

We walked into the living room to my roommates watching Netflix, Rachel Greens voice playing out loud through the apartment. We said quick hello's before going into my bedroom.

"It looks like a bomb exploded in here." Paige laughs looking around my messy bedroom, the mess I had created while getting ready.

"I was trying to look my best for you." I say quickly tidying stray makeup products away as I searched for what I needed.

"You do that without trying, Lils."

"Here." I spin around to Paige, a pair of scissors clutched in my grasp and I extend them out to her.

She takes them from me, even though I know she's confused from the way her brows are scrunched, "What are these for?"

I don't say anything, knowing that my actions will speak louder than my words. I roll up my sleeve uncovering the thread bracelet Kelsey had tied round my wrist mere months ago, "I'm over this club." I say.

Paiges eyes widened slightly in realisation, "For real?" She asks stepping closer to me.

I nod, "For real." And I watch as Paige takes the braided bracelet between two fingers and holds it off my wrist before closing the scissors on it, cutting the thread clean of my arm.

"Lily, will you be my girlfriend?" She asks unable to hide her smile.

My expression mirrors hers, "Yes. I'll be your girlfriend." I say and she drops the scissors so both her hands are free to cup my face as she leans down to kiss me.

Muffled cheers and whoops come from the living room and Kelsey yells out 'finally!' and I silently curse the thin walls of our student accommodation as I continue to kiss Paige, my girlfriend.

My girlfriend, Paige.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

"What do you want for your birthday?" I asked Paige as we sat side by side in a booth at, what had become our favourite Italian restaurant to get dinner at.

"You." She flirts, slipping her arm around my waist and squeezing my hip, heat rushing to my cheeks at her touch.

"You've already got me." I tell her just as our food begins to arrive.

Paige had gone for an alfredo and I ordered my all time favourite, lasagna.

"Are you excited for your party?" I ask Paige.

Paiges birthday was exactly a week away and her party was a day later on the Saturday. Her dad, stepmom and brother Drew were coming into town to spend the weekend and I was excited to meet them in real life after many FaceTime calls.

"Yes, I can't wait to have a weekend off with all my favourite people." She says as she sips on her, you guessed it, Shirley Temple.

"Azzi has planned this party as if it's your bachelorette." I laughed thinking of Azzis endless lists and frantic shopping trips to get everything into place.

"She's the queen of planning, I said I'd help but she said I'd just get in the way." Paige responds shrugging her shoulders as if there's no valid reason her best friend had come to that conclusion.

I drove us back to Paiges apartment after dinner, "Are you not coming up?" She asks me as I pull up, stopping the car but not turning it off.

I reach for my phone and text Azzi, letting her know I'm downstairs.

I shake my head, "I have plans." I say suspiciously.

"Which are?" She asks furrowing her brows, Paige knew what I was doing and what I had planned at almost all times, that's just how we were.

I tapped the side of my nose indicating it was a secret.

"Well, I'm coming." She says adamantly, not moving from her place in my car.

"Paige, you can't." I say as the main entrance to the apartment building opens and out walks Azzi, Caroline, Nika and KK.

"Why?" She huffs not noticing her friends and teammates approaching.

"Because we may or may not be getting your birthday gifts."

"We?"

"Move it, Bueckers." Azzi says opening the door and practically dragging Paige out of the car.

"Oh, I see how it is." Paige nods as her friends bundle into my car.

"Don't miss us too much." I call out of my window and Paige walks round to me pressing a kiss to my lips.

"OK, I know we call you our parents but enough with the PDA." KK groans and fake gags from her seat behind me.

"Enough of that or you'll come home to all your Trü Frü eaten." Paige quips.

"Don't you dare, Paige!" KK yells as I drive off laughing.

Nika controls the aux on our journey to the mall and it really shows me why her and Paige call each other 'twin', she could have easily been playing Paiges playlist - thats how similar their music taste is.

We strolled around the mall, trailing into store after store all looking for the perfect gift for Paige.

"What about these?" Nika says holding up a pair of white Nike sneakers with lavender accents, Azzi and I nod immediately, "Yes! She'd love those." I encourage and Nika calls over the sales assistant to ask if they have Paiges size.

"Are you really not going to show us what you got in that jewellery store?" KK asks me as we wait and I shake my head, "No, not yet. I mean Paige will probably show you anyway." I say to the girl.

"It's not an engagement ring is it?" She asks eyebrows raised and I laugh, "No KK, it's not an engagement ring."

"Did I hear engagement ring?" Caroline asks joining us on the couch in the store.

"Yes, but I also said not in that sentence too. I'm not proposing to Paige guys, we've been girlfriends for like two weeks."

"She'd probably say yes, you know." Azzi says matter of factly, catching me off guard.

"I don't think so." I reply.

"Lily are you kidding? She's so down bad for you." Her best friends assures.

"Like down bad, down bad." KK agrees.

"Really?" I ask. I know Paige likes me obviously, we wouldn't be dating if not, we've never really spoken about it but I assume Paige has had her fair share girlfriends in her time and I'm just one of many.

"She never stops talking about you. It's always Lily this and Lily that."

"And you practically live at our place." Azzi says, "In our time at UConn, she's never had a girl stay over for..more than one night." And she makes a face at the fact she just exposed her friends hook ups.

"But since you've been around, it's only been you." Caroline says putting an arm over my shoulder, "You've locked her down."

"I hope so." I say.

I don't care what Paige did before we got together, I had a life too but I smile at the fact that she's changed for me and suddenly my sentimental gift doesn't seem so cringy so I show the girls what I bought.

"She's going to love that Lils." Nika says as she joins us with Paiges present in her hand.

"She's actually going to be insufferable about it." Azzi fake groaned as we left the sneaker store.

"It's not...too much?" I ask still feeling slightly insecure about my gift.

"Have you met Paige?" KK says, "It's perfect. Stop overthinking."

"Have you met me? Overthinking is my middle name." I half joke because obviously it isn't but the girls know me well enough now to know about my turbulent mental health and how much I otherthink almost everything.

Once we all have our gifts for Paige, the last thing we pick up at the mall is ingredients for a cake. After a lot of persuasion, Azzi finally agreed to allow me to bake Paiges cake and I was taking the task very seriously.

"$150 on ingredients for a cake is insane." Nika says as we pile back into my car ready to head home. "That would have been like ��30 in Croatia."

I drove us all back to campus with Nika on aux again and dropped the girls off at their apartment before driving to mine.

"I'm back." I call as I enter the apartment letting my roommates know I was home.

"Hey Lils." Madison greets me from the kitchen, "How was the shopping trip?"

"Successful!" I say placing my bags on the table.

"Show us what you got your girlfriend." Kelsey says in a sing-song voice.

For the president of Single Sisters, I must say, Kelsey is mine and Paiges number one fan. She even goes as far to call us Pily - she was stuck between that or Laige but apparently that 'didn't sound right'.

I show my roommates what I got Paige and they reassured me that she would love it.

"I kinda got her a present too." Kelsey says.

"Really?" I ask confused. Sure, Kelsey and Paige were friends through me but I never imagined they'd be friends to the point of buying each other birthday gifts.

Kelseys skips off to her bedroom and returns seconds later with a small organza bag in her hand.

"Here, look." She says handing me the bag.

I open it and peak inside, I immediately laugh.

"What club are these for?" I ask pulling out the two thread bracelets, similar to the ones Kelsey and I had, just a different colour way.

"No more clubs." She waves her hand in dismissal, "I just thought it would be a funny gift, you guys don't have to wear them if you don't want to."

"I love them Kels and I know Paige will too. You should give them to her." I hand her back the bracelets.

"Good idea. I'm yet to have the 'you better not hurt my best friend' chat so that'll be the perfect time." She laughs.

"Play nice." I joke before taking Paiges gift to my bedroom to wrap and write out her card.

I like to think words are my speciality. I've spent my life writing in journals and expressing my thoughts that I could never put into words and I intend to do the same for Paige.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

Azzi really had gone above and beyond for her best friends birthday. Paige's celebrations were starting with a dinner tomorrow tonight with the team and her family before going to a karaoke bar. Then the day after was her party. Azzi had hired a private room in the back of Huskies and had invited everyone they knew on campus.

My apartment had been used as storage for the endless amount of decorations and balloons that Azzi had ordered meaning Paige had been temporarily banned as to not spoil anything.

"It's seriously messed up that I have to wait outside." Paige huffed as I bundled out of my front door simultaneously pulling a sweater over my head, Connecticut was getting cold.

"Azzi has put a lot of thought into this and she wants you to be surprised." I say stretching up on my tip toes to kiss my girlfriend hello.

"It's not like its a surprise party, I know it's happening." She continued to argue as we took the elevator down.

"I'm changing the subject now." I say getting into the passenger seat, "How was your workout?"

Paige nods and like clockwork flexes her biceps, "What do you think?" She smirks.

"I think we should get going, your family has been at their hotel for an hour already." I say to her. Paiges family flew in from Minnesota earlier today and we were going to meet them so Paige could introduce me before tonight.

“Just feel them." She persists, arm still flexed.

"Paige..."

"You know how many people would pay to feel my guns and you get them for free, pretty girl."

I reach out and wrap my hand around her arm - admittedly my hand doesn't wrap all the way around - and I press down slightly on the hard muscle.

"So strong." I say sarcastically but my red cheeks are far from sarcastic.

"Do you need to pee or something?" Paige asks me as I shuffle from foot to foot as we wait for the elevator to take us up to her family.

"No, just..." I look up into her big blue eyes, "just nervous." I admit and she giggles softly.

"Don't be nervous Lils. You've spoke to them a million times on FaceTime and they love you already." She says wrapping me in a hug as the elevator dings open.

There was an audible gasp from the other side of the door as we knocked and I smiled at Drews excitement to see his sister.

The door swung open and before I had a moment to compute what was happening, Drew had his arms wrapped around my waist, "Lilyyy." He beemed up at me with the cheesiest grin.

"Hi Drew." I smile and crouch down slightly to hug him. I look to Paige and she has an equally cheesy grin on her face, you could definitely tell they were siblings.

We stay with Paiges family for a while just sitting and talking and Paige catches them up on basketball and just life in general and I realise there was no need to be nervous at all. I felt like I'd known these people my whole life.

"I hope she's treating you good." Paiges dad, Bob says to me with a serious expression.

"She is," I say blushing slightly, "you raised her well."

"I never thought I'd see the day, Paige being in a serious relationship." He says.

"Okayyy." Paige drags out the word as she stands up, "That's our cue to leave." She holds out a hand, I take it and she pulls me up off the couch we were sitting on.

We say quick goodbyes before leaving, knowing that we'd see each other later that evening.

"I'm coming to the realisation that you're quite the player." I joke to Paige as we take the elevator down the the hotel exit.

She laughs, "Really, why?" She asks as she stretches in front of me to the press the button.

"Just what your dad said and Azzi may have implied something too." I say slightly awkwardly my eyes not daring to look in Paiges direction.

"What did Azzi say?"

"Just that I was the first girl you'd had stay more than one night."

"Does that bother you?"

I shake my head, "No, I just can't imagine you being like that."

"I wasn't always like that." Paige says as we walk through the hotel lobby back to her parked car.

"What does that mean?" I ask only now looking towards her but she isn't looking at me.

"It doesn't matter." She says walking a few steps ahead.

I speed up my steps so I'm next to her again, "Paige," I grab her arm to stop her walking, "you can tell me. I won't judge you."

"I know you won't, it's not that. It was so long ago, I feel like it doesn't matter anymore."

"But it's still something that happened to you and if you want to tell me, I'd like to know." I say to her genuinely. I've never seen Paige so awkward and uncomfortable, she can't even look at me.

"Let's get in the car." She says and I follow her to her car, getting into the passenger seat as she gets into the drivers seat.

I half expect Paige to just begin driving and ignore my offer to speak about this but she doesn't turn the car on, instead she focuses her eyes on the steering wheel, hands placed firmly at each side.

I stay silent not wanting to push her, clearly this is a difficult conversation for her to have but I want her to know I'm here so I reach over tucking her blonde hair behind her ear, my hand falling to the back of her neck and resting there.

"It was my freshman year," She begins and I'm grateful that she's comfortable to speak, "I had finally come to terms with who I was and who I loved and there was this girl and we were just friends at first but it became more than that pretty quickly and to me, it was obvious what we were..." She pauses shuffling in her seat to look at me for the first time. My eyes lock onto hers and I nod for her to carry on.

"But I guess it wasn't as obvious to her because we went home for Christmas and she came back with a boyfriend and acted like she never knew who I was. Never spoke to me again. I was so confused and hurt and I never wanted to give myself to a person the way I gave myself to her ever again..." She trails off.

I want to say fuck that girl, she never deserved you but I choose my words wisely.

"Paige, I'm so sorry that happened. That's unfair, so unfair. You didn't deserve that."

"It was like she was embarrassed of me and I never wanted that to happen again so everything and everyone since then has been casual. Nothing serious enough for me to get hurt again."

"You know I'd never do that to you right? I'd never hurt you. You're the best thing that's happened to me in a long time and I want everyone to know it. I'd shout it from the rooftops. You're not embarrassing to me, Paige. You're everything to me." I tell my girlfriend, my hand now secured in hers.

"I know Lily, I can feel it. We wouldn't be here if I didn't. You just met my family, the most important people in my life. Meeting you made me realise that whatever I had with Marianna wasn't real. This is real." She says and I can see her shoulders relax like a weight has been lifted and I just get the sudden urge to say what I've been feeling for a while now.

"I love you, Paige. I am in love with you and I'll tell you that everyday just so you know how much I mean it."

Paiges eye widen then soften immediately, I don't care if she doesn't say it back. It's how I feel and I wanted her know and now felt like the time to do that.

"Lily." Paiges voice is soft and sweet and I prepare myself for her to not say it back and I avert my gaze.

"Lily," Paige starts again and her hand moves my face to look back at her, "I love you. Of course I love you. I hoped that was obvious." She says smiling now and I can't help but smile back.

It was obvious, Paige loves so deeply and openly with no holding back that it's impossible to not feel it.

"It is." I say still smiling.

"Good." She replies before kissing me and it feels different than usual. It feels like the first time we kissed on the basketball court. My stomach flutters as her hand caresses my jaw, her lips on mine moving in perfect synchrony.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

[rebuke-me]

actually sorry i'm making this a separate post too so i can put it in the tag and itll show up. if u read my reblog on my previous post its literally just the same material sorry.

long post of my analysis of gender, tropes, and the musical be more chill ahead

so. i'm going to start with the wider overarching ideas of teen romcoms. im mostly thinking the mean girls/princess diaries/that sort of movie. early 2000s kind of cheesy kind of problematic at points but still having that nostalgia.

in most of these sort of movies, theres a very structured plot. the lead girl is an outcast, a weirdo. she's either childish or unattractive or a nerd or a loner. she frequently has a best friend (or a few) who are somehow more of insert "undesirable" trait here. usually, this best friend is also more eccentric, more outwardly strange, rejects the idea of the popularity.

the lead girl also has a crush on a guy who's unattainable, he's interesting to her, she's never talked to him a day in her life but she swoons over him. she's in love with the idea of A Boy. (and frequently, the guy has caught the attention of a popular girl who functions as her rival, whos prettier, and better liked, and has more of the traits the main girl desires.) she sees her male crush with the popular girl and loses hope.

the lead girl gets a chance to change her life- maybe she's noticed by a popular girl- who offers her a chance to be something else for seemingly arbitrary reasons. through this, she gets a makeover, a way to be as pretty as the girl shes a rival of. she also lies or embellishes herself to be attractive to people around her, especially the guy she likes.

the girl climbs the social ladder, she gains the attention of the popular boys and the romance she's been craving. she's desirable now. (and sometimes shes desirable in ways that aren't good for her, sometimes shes used as a way to show off or make people jealous, not for her, but for what she's become). she goes to a party that goes horribly wrong. her quirky weird best friend blows up at her.

the main girl also sees the intricacies of people she's never thought to have flaws, to have issues. even the girl who she's competing over a guy with. she realizes that idealizing people who are just like her, deep down, doesn't work. she hits rock bottom, loses everything, and then has to forcefully gain it back, make things right, and then she gets the guy at the end.

every single one of those plot points happens in be more chill, but everything is genderflipped. the main girl becomes jeremy, an insecure guy, making the narrative more about toxic masculinity than toxic femininity. the insults are about jeremy's looks, yes, but more prominently about his sexuality- something that men are traditionally a lot more insecure about than women, in most cases. he's a hopeless romantic. he's insecure. he's awkward and anxious. he's all the traits of a traditional teen movie romcom protagonist, but male.

the quirky girl best friend becomes michael, whos the outgoing, exuberant, eccentric friend. he's at a different place in his life than jeremy, whos fixated on popularity. he gets upset when his friend changes and leaves him behind.

the Male Love Interest becomes christine- unattainable but excitable. she's more than just a hunk for the main lead to be attracted to, but she serves the purpose of getting jeremy out of his comfort zone.

the popular girls become two separate archetypes of maleness, with jake and rich. jake takes on the romantic lead- popular, cool, athletic, effortlessly attractive, and the rival of the lead for the romantic attraction of the love interest. he's still operating under toxic masculinity. he lashes out with anger, he's not kind at times, he's seen as unintelligent.

rich takes on the almost gretchen-weiners-esque "popular girl" role. he's still popular and cool, but he's almost trying too hard. he's just as angry and aggressive, he's trying hard to be something he's not. he's also the one whos an analog for queerness, which is an interesting flip- think the "its like you're in love with me or something" bit from mean girls. he's the one who offers jeremy a chance for something different, a do-over.

the squip, while not a direct analog for anything in traditional romcom movies (since its kind of a nebulous. scifi concept) stands in for the literal themes of these sorts of stories. its toxic masculinity, its popularity, its the voice in your head telling you to tear others down, to pry out information, to push your way to the top.

the popular girls are particularly interesting, because as individuals, they kind of mess around with everything a bit. while everything else has been pretty cut and dry, they're all a mix of a bunch of things. they serve the roles of the popular guys in these sorts of scenarios while being very stereotypically feminine.

chloe is the mean girl, the leader of the pack. in teen movies, she'd be the star quarterback, the ex of the romantic rival, the one who is the peak of toxic masculinity- which the musical flips to make about toxic femininity with her (and brooke.)

the next paragraph is going to talk about Do You Wanna Hang and touch on SA, if you don't want to read it, skip to the next italicized section.

chloe also functions as something all too common in teen movies. she pushes jeremy into a sexual encounter he doesn't want to be in. she's not even interesting in him, as a person, but him as an object, something usually reserved for women in fiction. she does it as a power play, a way to get back at other people. she attacks his looks, his attitude, and this is when the downsides of "being popular" start to reveal themselves. (side note, this is an INCREDIBLY problematic trope to me, especially in its original form, because it enhances the idea of "if youre attractive you want this" type deal. a what were you wearing sort of attitude towards sexual assault. instead of treating it like a tragedy, its almost a status symbol.) and because the main character is a male- its never addressed further. its brought up in a singular line between the popular "guy" stand-ins.

i am done talking about this topic you're safe now

brooke is also intriguing, because shes one of the only characters in this concept that doesn't seem to have a direct parallel. if i'd have to give her something, i'd probably mark her down as the male sidekick to the popular guy, the one who doesn't get anything other than being the best friend. but she does get something, by virtue of her being a girl now. she's a viable love interest, or at least a status symbol.

jenna falls into a similar category to me- a character who only serves to bolster the reputation of the main character. she takes on the role of information spreader, which is a traditionally feminine role.

i could also talk about how i think that its interesting that while most of the actions in be more chill that are given to people of opposite genders (e.g. romantic rival, call to popularity, quirky best friend, the Do You Wanna Hang problem) the MOTIVATIONS for the actions are still aligning with the gender of the characters. like, rather than the gender of the original trope. if that makes sense.

anyways i scrolled back and realized i had like 10 paragraphs im gonna stop now but. yeah. gender in bmc is fascinating to me

[ethanharmonia]

The Hisui Trio in my AU!! :D

(they dont know how to dress up 😔)

I wanted to make reference sheets for the three, even though i took a ton of inspo from many things but its for investment i promise i promise

Those three are friends in this AU, they are all in the present world and they are like a family to each other tbh, they might get into a few arguments but they talk it out later on.

To be fair i think those three would give each other kisses, not in a romantic way though, its just more of a platonic thing i guess??

The three of them own dragon type pokemon, from gen 4, 6 and 8 (me like even numbers dont mind me), i kinda felt like these pokemon fit them best by personality (im not exactly sure for 100%)

Dropping the lore here :

The only way Adaman and Irida could go back and out of Hisui was by Volo taking them with him by going through portals with Giratina, of course the two of them got frightened at the sight of Giratina showing up right in front of their eyes for the first time but they got used to it later on.

As a gift of gratitude from Volo for still being accepted by Adaman and Irida even after everything he's done in the past, he made and gave a clone of Origin Dialga and Origin Palkia to them so that they could also travel through the portals or around the world without his help (he's getting tired from babysitting them pls let him live).

Adaman and Irida just live with Lucas, Dawn and Barry in Twinleaf Town, sometimes Volo comes by to visit them and hang out with them. Lucas and Dawn dont have memories of Rei and Akari, so they have no idea of what Volo used to be back then, if they would then oh boy they would try to kill him.

{With Dialga} Adaman possesses Steel type powers (or Metal Bending as they say), he uses it a lot for combat but also for reaching high places if he cant go up there or reach it by climbing, he bends the metal into a form of a long rope in order to get up there.

{With Palkia} Irida has Water type powers (or Water Bending), she is not really the type of a person to fight but she rather heals others, it also works on pokemon too, though sometimes she can kick ass once in a while if anyone drives her mad.

{With Giratina and Arceus} Volo has all the elements, including Dark type powers but he never uses those as he only sees the bad in them and never wishes to use them, reminding him a lot of Cyrus {bro hates him more than anything}, with Volo being an Archon, he can summon pretty much every pokemon, including the legendaries and mythical ones, and the ultra beasts, even though the legendaries are gods too and are feared by many, Volo however just sees them as misunderstood creatures/beings, as he has a better bond with them than with his own people.

Volo despises humans, he only sees the bad in them as he has only seen the bad things that humans did, and with Volo being isolated in Arceus's realm and being there for about 280 years (met Arceus at 20), he cant really change his opinion about it, even if he has friends that are different than the rest of the humans, Volo still has doubts that humans are good, unless proven to him. Sure, Volo is the archon and savior of this world and he is trying his best to make the world a better with no wars or catastrophies, he hates humans, but he just wants peace, but he is aware that even if this happens one day then the peace wont last forever, the world cant remain peaceful for eternity, theres always going to be something happening all the time and he will have to deal with it on his own.

This would be Volo and his Dragapult (canon)

Imagine praying to god, and this is who you're praying to

[smoshpostiing]

for me, it isn't really about "shipping" them. based on how much we see the whole cast on camera and the nature of the videos, it's almost like a big second friend group for us and a place to hang out with them. for me at least, that is the relationship that is presented for me as the audience; as one of them in a way since there are a lot of ways to interact like comments and suggestions.

with all of that and the years we've all watched them, for me it just feels like rooting for two of my friends to go for a relationship, which is in itself harmless, whether or not they go through with it it isn't up to us just like if they were in our friend groups in person.

it feels like i've seen two friends almost grow up (as young adults) together, have amazing chemistry, care for each other, and become true best friends, but also share how they've struggled with relationships in the past. if they can struggle to find a partner outside and are already such a good match, it seems too good to pass up. i want two of my "friends" to be happy regardless of the risks they might have with working together. if i were ian and anthony they would already have my blessing, but the decision is truly only up to both of them.

i also don't believe we should ever 1) use the word "proof" and 2) go through things they haven't openly shared with us in the same way we'd never do that to our other friends in real life. just because there are two screens between us, doesn't make it ok for that to happen. if it isn't something we wouldn't do to our other friends, we especially shouldn't do it with them. i think the more we go over that boundary, the farther they pull back from it.

we do owe them a little better. anything we would do with friends in real life is completely valid, and fun, and comes from a place of wanting people to be happy while 100% not having the pressure on them to do so. anything we wouldn't do in person just pulls them closer against their chests.

the more we are willing to take from their personal lives, the less they are willing to share from their personal lives because people will keep trying to take more.

they've shared in the past they are ok with people shipping them all in good fun, but i just get a little sad sometimes thinking about how they must feel when we do step over that line. i think when courtney said "guys, don't speculate online about other people's relationships online" in the recent get 7th video, i think this is what they were referring to. when we go further than what they previously said they were comfortable with.

i hope this was well put and doesn't come across as antagonistic toward the community because i mean it in the exact opposite way.

(i really like how respectful you are in these responses and posts, keep it up!)

hey anon thank you so much for this!! its super insightful and i would love to discuss. you raise a lot of important and true points and i think its very important to think about this stuff from time to time!!!

for me at least, that is the relationship that is presented for me as the audience

i agree! smosh has built an excellent rapport with their audience and have such an intricate and unique business/brand model that can be personal to audience and to the company whilst still accommodating boundaries and maintaining respect!! i could honestly go on about it for pages and pages but i wont right now because theres much more to discuss here!!

whether or not they go through with it it isn't up to us

i am on the same page 10000% and it's likely you've seen me post about this on here before. as much as we are fans and part of a community where we can ship and make fanart and rpf and theorise and discuss, we are also smosh's AUDIENCE. not to mention that shayne and court's relationship (romantic or otherwise) is a very real part of their personal lives away from smosh and we do not get to decide what they do or don't share with us.

it feels like i've seen them almost grow up (as young adults) together, have amazing chemistry, care for each other, and become true best friends

absolutely 🥹 i think a lot of you will agree with me or relate in the sense that i have been able to grow up with smosh, and watched them grow and become who they are all whilst figuring that stuff out for myself!! its no wonder people are excited and curious about them, when we have been the audience there with them watching them grow through the many years!!

also don't believe we should ever 1) use the word "proof" and 2) go through things they haven't openly shared with us in the same way we'd never do that to our other friends in real life. just because there are two screens between us, doesn't make it ok for that to happen. if it isn't something we wouldn't do to our other friends, we especially shouldn't do it with them. i think the more we go over that boundary, the farther they pull back from it.

THIS IS THE EXACT POINT I TRY TO MAKE VERY CLEAR ON MY BLOG!! personally, i believe not only that it violates their boundaries and privacy and disrespects them, but it is dehumanising and almost treats S+C as characters rather than real people.

the golden rules of my blog are

1)to never mention "proofs" or "evidence"(i will send a warning just in case someone wasnt aware of the harm it can cause, after that if it happens again, blocked)

2) it's not okay to try and discuss moments or images that aren't specifically shared by either of their personal social media accounts or on smosh (or any channel they appear on as work). anything not shared from these cannot guarantee that it had s or c's consent to be shared and can risk violating their privacy.

and 3) to never bother s or c or anyone associated with them by trying to speculate about the relationship they have. again, boundaries, privacy, comfort and respect. pretty simple.

the more we are willing to take from their personal lives, the less they are willing to share from their personal lives because people will keep trying to take more.

this is such a fantastic point anon. i wish i could show everyone in the smoshblr community and particularly shourtney shippers this. (and again, it all comes back to s+c's comfort when it comes to sharing. the only way we can guarantee they are comfortable is by showing them that we respect their boundaries and privacy.)

(i really like how respectful you are in these responses and posts, keep it up!)

thank you anon! i think its really important to just be as transparent as possible when it comes to these discussions about shourtney. thank you for your ask!! im glad i had an opportunity to discuss these topics in depth.

[caluski]

again, a brief moment of self-reflection :-)

turning a little older yet again, i think its funny to see myself changing still. i wont lie that my life feels that much different from what it used to be - but other than boring things such as employment or housing or the lack of relationships, something has perhaps shifted in a bit quiet way, one you usually notice upon retrospection much later.

i think im still pretty much a hopeless romantic, in that stupid, proud, dramatic way that makes me absolutely fucking insufferable. everything must be either grand or tragic. obviously, its not a bad thing in itself, but it does make me far too self indulgent for my own good. i know i have to learn patience towards others, and domesticate my solitude, otherwise soon life will drive me even madder... there is a lot to reconsider when it comes to what i expect from life and people in my life, even if it feels like i overthought everything to death and back already.

the big goals for 29th year is definitely going back on meds. or should i say, finding meds that actually work for me. theres a lot that i want - such as moving out and becoming independent, having a stable job i dont have to worry about losing, or finding companionship in my daily life - but i want to be realistic just once. last year, i remember finding out about the layoffs right before summer ended, and i thought - my next job will be the one that fixes everything. obviously, its not, not yet at least. even the minimum wage aside, im annoyed with lots of aspects of it, so its far from perfect. i wish i could land a safe, corporate job that pays enough to keep me afloat on my own, but, well.

but like, other than all my actual flaws, i dont think my attempt to romanticize everything is that bad in itself. it does make good-but-normal things seem far too good to be true (like having friends, being loved, having a safe home - how can it ever be real for me, if its so beautiful???), but other than that, i do like the way it makes me feel. i like treating every coffee like the biggest blessing of the day. i like how good music makes me tear up. i like it when days are so good, theyll feel like a dream when i look back at them. i just have to keep it under a little bit of control. i have to get used to the thought that the world is not out there to cater for me, that i am not in fact the center of the universe, that everything goes on no matter what. i always liked the thought of being not the main character of life, but more of a best friend or love interest; youre still there, you can participate, you can be significant if you put your mind to it, but the world wont stop for you. also, i do like the sentiment of someone's main purpose in life being both giving and receiving of love. i might lack the brains and beauty for much more, but love, i think everyone is capable of, no matter what - and it includes me, in the end.

i want to spend more time taking pictures and listening to music. going to cafes and having long walks. i want to try going back to drawing. i wanna get better at writing - god, if this wall of text alongside all my other silly little posts arent a proof of that...... - which of course, means reading more, too. i wanna hear more live music. local, or maybe the big performances, if artists i like come over to warszawa or kraków or something. also, i wanna travel a little more. even if just to sit in a local cafe and watch the traffic. i wanna visit żmija (if youre reading this, i swearrrrrrr im not trying to invite myself over - but maybe if im in kraków or something, we could see each other closer to your home. which could also be fun because its such a big city, so much to see, so many cafes to experience. maybe a gay bar to visit? are there any worth dancing in?). and i do wanna continue collecting vinyls - slowly, as they are so costly, but still. and i do wanna become more outgoing, i want to take more risks, even if it leaves my stupid little heart sore and exposed.... rejection is inevitable, right? and i do want to catch up with romantic experiences, too. i want to feel something for someone again, even if its one-sided and desperate and miserable. but i miss it so badly, so so badly. i want to have someone to pour out my affection on - consensually. i want someone to want to be loved by me as i am, with all this mess of loud, intense feelings, without being freaked out. or maybe getting freaked out in a good way.

anyway. such a gloomy day calls for love & food playlist promo. have a good evening everyone! mwah

[pansy-picnics]

ugh if there’s one thing this world needs is more Cass and Eugene interaction, like I don’t just mean bickering and the sort. Like actually being there for one another when they’re upset and helping each other out.

I’ve literally found about 2 fanarts where it’s just them and they’re not getting at each other! I still think that they would bicker but it would actually be way less intense and spite-fuelled after the series and they’d find some common ground, especially since they are the only ones (beside Pascal ofc) who know what it’s like to have died and come back to life, I can’t imagine how relieved Eugene would be to get to talk to someone about it and have them actually understand.

I hc anyway that after Cass came back she was like super out of it, and Eugene knew exactly how she felt and could help her, I think Cass would also be relieved that someone else knew what it was like and could sympathise with her.

I think though one of my absolute favourite hcs I’ve seen for them is that after Cass comes back Eugene defo sorts out Cass’ haircare routine and looks after her hair for her, cause he more than likely has wavy/curly hair too (but just straightens it most of the time). And although Cass is like super reluctant to let him help at first, she eventually gives in and it’s like the best her hair has been in forever so she just lets him do it regularly from then on and it’s just their thing. Also it gives Cass a chance to open up as well (no eye contact, relaxed and something to distract her if it gets too bad) which she definitely needs especially straight after coming back to the castle post ziti.

But yeah I neeeed more of these idiots interacting cause they literally have my heart istg (and also the show did nothing for them really post s1)

Hah realised I’ve just gone on a rant but like it 2am and I’m sleep deprived, sorry! :)))

anon you’re so right and let me just tell you ive felt exactly the same way for SO long so youve come to the right person

^ obviously theres been more since this was posted but THIS is a rlly good masterpost of art of them. THIS is a cassgene/uknighted dream triad fic and i dont know if thats your thing but it basically captures the exact bonding moment that you mentioned imo it fits them SUPER well both romantically and platonically!!

ur so right about the hair thing also omfg cass is the WORST out of all of them when it comes to taking care of her hair. like whenever it gets too long she just grabs the first sharp object she can find and cuts it all off. her ends are so broken and frizzy its SO bad. but eugene and rapunzel force her to do little spa days with them all the time. cass is very practical and really doesnt understand the point but she just likes spending time with both of them.

honestly as much as i love them i havent drawn a lot of art of cass and eugene individually….but theyre best friends actually. like they have banter and they tease each other but my general interpretation of them and uknighted dreams relationship is just. Comfortable. theyve come around to accept their differences and have a shared sense of solidarity with each other. and not just bc of rapunzel either!!! they hang out without her just as often and they genuinely have come to understand one another. they like to spar together and rapunzel watches while she works on anatomy sketches.

they’re not going out of their way to be physically affectionate or anything, but i try to make it obvious in my uknighted dream art that they arent averse to it either. it’s always the little things for me man!!!! the subtle affectionate gazes or the casual hand on the shoulder or just a gentle hand hold its so. IMPORTANT ok!!!!!!

they understand each other on a deep psychological level and yet they regularly tell the other to kill themselves. they are literally everything to me. i need to draw them soon

[mejomonster]

Im a bit sad. Tbh.

Ive been thinking about many things. About how i do remember what it felt like to be in love, what i thought was mutual love anyway, and the special feeling of Really being genuinely excited to learn more about another person and love staring at them and how nice they look and how everything about them is just kind of amazing to you and makes your day brighter and warmer (like making new best friends feels when you really click right away, and like seeing a hot person you feel safe to actually look at and cuddle and hold hands with and listen to who smiles and is comforting) AND they feel all that for you! Theres an incredible feeling of acceptance that someone ELSE looks at you like youre interesting, like they genuinely care and it brightens their day to see you and be near you and hear you, seeing someone else feel genuinely accepted BY you. Its really comforting, and exciting, and at its best it makes you feel like being your most authentic self and doing what makes you happy because theres someone cheering you on and excited to come along as you do. Its the excitement of just having fun with someone and knowing that, for them, just you being there makes them feel braver to be themselves and proud of who they are.

And then it hits like a rock in my stomach that. I would very much like to feel that again one day. I have felt pieces of it with friends ive clicked with. But most friends dont stare into my eyes for minutes at a time, super happy to see my face - and i dont particularly want or get much from staring at my friends for a long time. (And dont get me started about how in our nuclear family couple structured society, even if some friends COULD feel that much joy at being with you they usually reserve that unrestrained eagerness to be close for their romantic partner and will assume romantinc intentions of you even if you have None if you try to simply excitedly hang out as much as might truly fill you with joy at seeing them more). Anyway its just. Id like to be in romantic love anyway too so just focusing on that. Its just that like: there really is something special in sitting next to a person and sharing your random thoughts or day and they feel better with you by their side (yes this is a friend feeling too). Well im demiromantic its fucking jard to describe what i miss! What i miss is like. Damn its staring at someone for hours, being so happy i woke up next to someone - not just eager to hang out but eager to be near them when im not doing anything and just planning to brush my teeth and eat breakfast. Only feeling that comes close to me is best friends, and thats also about the only romance ive ever felt some of those times, but fuck it the comfort and joy im describing overlaps.

I just miss that distinctive positive part of feeling a crush: that you genuinely find the other person Cool even doing boring shit, and they genuinely find you cool even with messy hair and a flat tire calling them asking for help. They dont find you annoying, nor do you find them annoying, and if you do sometimes get irritated the benefits of simply existing near each other are nice enough - enjoying each others company, easily cheering each other up, easily wanting whats best for each other and finding each other worthwhile - helps you two work through any frustrations.

I miss that.

I havent had that in years.

And why it hits so hard is like. In years i met a lot of people who i felt excited to see, adored many things about them and just felt my day was good seeing them or hearing f4om them. And they didnt like me back. They said they did, until they told me otherwise eventually. So i didnt know that while they were themselves and i loved them, to them i was "liked" until some part of me was annoying or inconvienient then i was not worth the effort of maintaining contact with. I didnt realize it wasnt going to be us both feeling good being around each other, excited to know the other. I didnt realize i was a convienient guest who would be replaced when someone they might Actually get a crush on is found, or just someone more convienient. And that happened over and over. And then i just stopped getting crushes on single people. Many years ago things just shifted, and every person i felt attraction to was in a relationship or unavailable. Maybe my subconcious wanted to avoid letting me even hope id feel the warmth of someone caring about me, so it stopped letting me crush on single people who id hope to like me back. Instead i just felt kind of hopelessly unlucky, feeling a crush only when there was no way to date and they clearly were Incompatible because they were unavaialble, so i just got rid of my feelings and moved on. Over and over. And then i guess last year even that shifted.

And i just stopped feeling. I havent felt any attraction to anyone in longer than usual, and i used to only get them 1-2 times a year at the most. Now when i think about, just in theory, being attracted to anyone one day, i just feel sad preemtively. Like theyll be yet another unavailable person, my brain being cruel to me and subconciously pointing me to. Or theyll be single, and ill feel luck as can be to even get the chance to feel hope that i could get to know someone, and even more fear theyll not like me back. Or worse, lie and say they do like the other people. I want to believe people tell the truth, so if they dont like me id really rather know sooner. But mostly, i guess im sad i might get the chance to feel all that wonderful comfort and excitement, while feeling my odds of the other person feeling anything for me except convienient are not great. Maybe not 0. But enough that it will be a decent risk, and may well hurt a fuck ton again.

And i know being all emo is self sabotage and i habe to go risk getring heartbroken 100 more times if thats what it takes. And i used to be young and braver and naive and Believe people who dated me and said they loved me... liked me at least, enjoyed knowing me and being around me at least. But i was wrong all those naive brave times i just leaped and put my whole heart into caring about another person and cheering them on and being excited to see them grow and being a part of their lives. I didnt usually get the same in return of being seen as worth talking to, worth just seeing, someone wanting me to do well. I got to be around Them and... that was about it. Maybe a tiny infatuation period where a person looked at me and seemed to be happy i was there, put in some effort to talk to me for me as in they actually wanted to hear how i was. And hoping for what i want i guess feels impossible. It feels like a matter of luck. Its not impossible to get: mutual love. Its easy, and many people every day stumble into it on accident or just being themselves or doing nothing particularly unique. In theory i could have a 99% chance of meeting someone whod mutually love me Tomorrow. Or a 1% chance. Its just my doubts and past make me feel like that 1% chance is all i ever have. No matter what i do. And it makes me feel so weary and heavy and scared to try and be brave for decades and hundreds of people just to hope i one day run into the 1% luck.

[mental-health-advice]

Hello!

(tw mentions of sh but nothing graphic)

I really dont know if this is the place for this, if so simply being able to write this out is probably helpful. I am in a romantic relationship with someone who self harms (were both 19). This was a thing i knew about before we got together, we were both going through a rough patch then and bonded a lot of beinf able to talk about our problems, i think back then i was so busy dealing with my own mountain of problems and thoughts of self inury (that i luckily never followed through on) that worry for someone else didnt even fit.

While all the resources I can find are really helpful im at a bit of a loss now, ive done everything right, i already had expierience with other friends and myself. They are in therapy and are on the path to healing, take good care of the wounds generally and we can openly comunicate about this and generally have been able to do so effectively.

These last few months however theres been more slip ups than before. I know progress is not linear, and its still much a work in progress (this has been an issue for 7 years, 1 year of recovery is obviously nothing). I am incredibly proud of the progress they have made, last year it was twice weekly trips to the ER, so even twice a month is huge already. also know they wont be able to quit or even signficantly reduce the self harm until they move out, since their family is unstable and does everything wrong (gets angry, threatens with ultimatums, generally extremely scared of their scars).

last few times with a slip up its made me freak out too, I have an anxiety disorder which this now triggers (i used to have a slightly better grip on this) I try to remain calm and helpful for their sake, but its mostly incredibly upsetting im not there to help them, and i know being there to talk helps but ive run out of material ways to help. It also feels like it proves my fear that something will always go wrong, which can lead me to have panic attacks. Ive talked about this with them of course and we get through it together, i really want to be better at keeping a slightly leverer head though. I used to have counceling too who helped me, but since i turned 18 and finished school im now on a waitinglist for adult help, and while talking to other friends helps somewhat its still generally makes me panic, sleep badly and sometimes have nightmares. I really love them, whenever were together we bring out the best in eachother and im afraid if i talk about this too much to people theyll tell me to break up with them.

we have plans to move in together for university next year, which im sure will help a lot (i know they wont magically heal then either, but ill be there as a more sturdy support and theyll be able to access ER, etc without being shamed) and ill have a therapist again then too, so its just these coming months that are going to be very rough. I just never know how to calm myself down, i know its not rational (they are hurt but never badly, they always talk to me about it, their psychologist will generally help too) i also know im allowed to feel sad and scared, i just want to be more in control.

back when i had a therapist she used to talk about trying to stay at my own feelings, not getting dragged down into someone else. But i just dont know how to do that, whenever it happens its just so sad and i hate it. No matter how much i remind myself even after ive allowed myself a period to be sad that itll be okay and they are relatively safe and i see them every week it feels so awful. Its not very tennable to ruin my whole night, next day on this every time. sorry this is sooo long but i feel the context is important as ive gone through a lot of advice, thank u tho.

Hey there,

Whilst I think that it is great that you have been able to help this person for such a long period of time, unfortunately it is not always sustainable no matter how much we would like it to be. This though doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try if you want to, I am just trying to point out that unless you look after yourself too and put a bit of a barrier between you and this person then it is likely that things may not change or improve for YOU.

I know how great it can feel when we help another and especially when we see such big improvements for the person we are trying to help and support, but the end line is that we can only do so much until we ourself begin to crumble or struggle a bit (which it sounds like you are to some degree) and so I am wondering if you can put some space between this person and you at all to focus on yourself a bit more and self-care may be of some benefit to you.

In regards to this person, any day of no self-harm is an amazing achievement and no amount of set backs or slip ups/ relapses can take these achievements away from them. It’s important to know that that recovery comes from within and so unless this person chooses to and is ready to focus on their recovery then it is unlikely that things will change for them and they will still be in survival mode. This is in no way your fault, and nor is there much you can do about it as we cannot choose recovery for another person, it has to be when they are ready and choose to try to commit. And even then, it’s quite normal to go back to survival mode and go back and forth between recovery and not, this does not mean they are not still trying, but rather they are just human like everyone of us are. I remember in my own recovery away from self-harm I did go in and out of trying to not self-harm depending on how strong I felt on the day and what triggers may have come up that made me want to self-harm, this didn’t mean I wasn’t trying or that, it was just that I was really struggling and the urges to self-harm were too strong to try and fight them.

So, what can you do?

To begin with try to be patient with yourself and this person and know that even when they seem to not be trying, they actually are. Try to put some space in between you and this person to enable you to look after yourself too. You can do this by practising good self-care (trying to eat healthy, doing some exercise a few times a week and trying to get a good nights sleep) and tyring to have some ‘down time’ where you can simply just think about yourself and do some things that you enjoy doing whatever that may be. I know that you may feel selfish and bad for taking some time out for yourself, but if you don’t look after yourself then it won’t be sustainable to help support others and be there for them if you choose to do so.

In regards to how it can make you feel when this person does self-harm or is struggling quite a bit, as your therapist mentioned to you, try to take a step back and allow yourself some time to grieve or feel sad and try to be kind to yourself – I know how it can feel like a loss to you as well when someone is struggling and self-harms as a result, but in reality it has nothing to do with you and how much or how little you are there for the, it is bound to happen anyway and this in no way reflects on you and how good a job you may be doing to support them through difficult times and days.

I know that you mentioned that it can cause great anxiety when they do self-harm now, and so when this happens, again, try to be kind to yourself and do try to take some time out for you. And I know, this is much easier said than done, but it will get easier though with practice and it may also be helpful to check out our page on calming anxiety and panic as well for some more ideas on different coping strategies.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going OK!

Take care,

Lauren

[autisticethanmorgan]

How I would continue mbav in comic form

disney, teletoon, fresh tv, whoever the fuck owns the rights to this, please let me have them

LONG ASS POST WARNING

we are past the days of any further mbav television content, but you know what has a much lower production cost and would fill a specific niche? a comic/graphic novel continuation >:) Teen rating because pretty much anyone who was the target audience of mbav when it was airing is late teen or older and I want the characters actions to have more consequence, basically i want to injure my protagonists

I would pick up a month or two after the lucifractor explosion, establish the new status quo, we cant really do a continuation if they all died so Ill settle for injury and property damage, including putting out main man Ethan in a half magic/half head trauma induced coma! this is kind of a cheap story beat but i cant help it I love a coma and its a good opportunity for both sarah and benny to get a little bit darker and have some interesting character development, with the most important difference being that sarah basically gets through it and refuses to compromise her morals whereas benny is very lost without ethan being his moral compass and becomes more and more reckless with magic, eventually leading to him attempting a very risky spell to wake ethan up which does work but basically has sarah and his grandma like 'wtf is wrong with you'

meanwhile erica and rory are fucking around in the states bc this would be a very fun B plot for a while before they return, if youve read the comic crowded im thinking of that kind of vibe

so anyway ethan is back up and running now and everyone is kind of trying to get back to normal but its really hard and theres a lot of residual magic causing problems and making bennys magic more powerful, and its giving ethan basically constant migranes and really vague visions and horrifying dreams and all that good 'plauged with visions' stuff.

sarah and ethan have not gone on any more dates at this point so theyre not dating but they do have this kind of romantic aspect of their relationship and they basically havent talked about it since the explosion, kind of a silent understanding of like 'i love you and i dont really care that its platonic or romantic but i just understand whats happening in a way almost no one else can and Im here for you even if now just isnt the time for us'

benny is continuing to get more reckless and kind of vengeful with his magic use, testing his limits, using magic to get back and the people making snide comments in the halls, especially after ethan comes back to school, when your best friend is in a coma for two months you get kind of defensive about it I guess. If you’re not a bethan truther I’m sorry but Ethan can have two intense friendships that border on romantic, both of which are societally non conventional/acceptable. In fact he has to. It is so good narratively. but anyway at some point there is a particularly bad incident benny gets more vindictive than ever before and hurts this guy pretty badly till ethan is yelling at him to stop

at this point ethan and sarah and grandma are like 'uhhh benny is getting kinda intense' but they dont even know the half of it because secretly he learning magic that isnt in his book, researching on his own and making stuff up. the magic itself wants him to be getting stronger, its not like sentient but it does have kind of a self preservation instinct? like a power begets power type thing that magic users can very easily be driven mad by their own magic if theyre not careful or dont have another magic user telling them to touch grass.

i think benny can have unexamined mental repercussions due to his parents having either left him or died. as a treat. so when he get magic and suddenly he can control things he couldnt before yknow who can blame him for getting kind of lost, i personally would become insane. I havent really though about the specific of him devolving and mentally deteriorating. I dont want him to be too evil yknow? bc we will be letting him get redeemed latr bc im a sucker for that.

at this point erica and rory return from their wacky adventures bc this is no time for a silly b plot. and they are like huh benny got kind of weird and different and ethan is like haha no hes fine

he is not fine

he is actually sneaking out of town to meet another magic user who is basically like 'i will act like a father figure to gain your trust' and benny is like 'epic!' yknow because he. becuase. because he has no dad :D. he gets exposed to magic that grandma doesnt do and is both scared and impressed and this other magic user is like 'she doesnt want you to learn this >:| she doesnt want you to reach your fullest potential' and benny is like 'hmm idk about that' but they keep talking until this guy is like 'arent you tired of being nice?dont you just wanna go apeshit?' but benny is still like 'hmmm my really close boy best friend probably wouldnt like that' but its too late. its already in motion.

benny gets more evil. he is causing problems in whitechapel and does not seem to care. benny be like 'thought acquired: if i control everything and destroy the things i dont like then everything will be good and i can protect my friends forever. i see no moral problems with this' more development into evil, dont ask me the details i dont know.

bennys evil girl summer culminates in some kind of fight where ethan enters his mind bc yeah obviosly thats where this has been going, idk if ive just spent to long thinking about jean grey and scott summers but this is the most interesting thing ever. i want to see ethan walking through bennys memories end of life is strange style and realizing that all of his most important memories are of them together, times that theyve comforted or protected each other and it ends with a memory of from just before they met sarah. that memory fades out and ethan is standing on the street in front of his house, so he goes up to his room and benny is there but this time its really him and not just a memory version of him and benny is like 'i dont know how it got to be like this, this isnt what i wanted, how do i fix this?' and ethan is like 'i havent given up on you, you can still come back and we can try to make it right' and they hug and they come back to reality and benny basically breaks down sobbing yeah i <3 sad boys. he has a lot of regrets. ( i have written a lot of this scene bc i am insane and obsessed)

by the next morning hes left town. only leaving a note saying he needs to go away and clear the magic out of his head. hes reversed as much of the magic he did as he could, and left ethan with a spell leaving the words 'semper reveniam ad te' on his arm that will disappear when they see each other again or if benny dies.

[mummer]

went down the rabbit hole of my own ao3 today and decided to reflect upon my works ye mighty and despair as an exercise in self understanding:

it chapter two time travel fic - this one has problems in that i was nineteen and a shut-in at the time and didnt know how real life worked and wasnt funny. but it also has some very good things such as the theme is good. good bev stuff. i was so MAD at this movie lolllz... overly sappy and sentimental.. gets real weird and fantastical for no good reason but i dont mind that. STOP SWEARING SO MUCH.. not "well" written but not poorly written either + has its moments 7.4/10

the fool - unfortunately i will never in my life be able to top this due to it being a product of an early pandemic induced fugue state and i just have to accept that. it fucks so severely hard i't's difficult to comprehend. fully formed like athena. deserves 10 million billion hits. sometimes ill have bad self esteem and then i'll chance back upon this and be like Nvm im a genius...... there are like two bits that could use some revision but honestly thats it. "me being stupid is a foundational literary lens" - i remember saying this at some point. 9.5/10 i was so real for all of this

noli me tangere - i dont like this anymore. it really suffers from following the timeline so closely and retelling a bunch of boring administrative shit and has too many threads. the writing is not very good either frankly apart from the beginning. bland. too long. i had a lot of Ideas but.... 6.1/10

the body is a blade - honestly the thing about this one is that it should be 800x more fucked up and evil about everything. i should have let it be scary and fraught and less overtly romantic. i think i struggle with that in fic tbh i always come at it with too much of a wish fulfillment lens stfu bitch i want them to drink each others blood and throw up everywhere. writing is mostly good though and the structure works even tho there is no plot. 7.8/10

random ass stranger things fic from last year i dont want to talk about - i was having a bad 6 months when i wrote this but you cant tell because it does hold up mostly. i mean it's completely bonkers and has major plot conveniences but it's trying to emulate stranger things so you must allow it. i think the duffers could learn a lot from me personally (insane). dusty my best friend dusty. one thing about me is thtat there's gonna be a damn road trip. the writing? IS GOOD. i love BANTER. will also never get recognition due to rarepair problems.. im used to that. i like that i was basically like And fuck found family too btw. theres nuance in this and hard complicated feelings! neat! why was i doing all that for this? i didnt have to. REAAALLLLY didnt have to. 8/10

[gurugirl]

I have a lengthy rant (sorry lol) and really need some advice. Theres this guy who I was close with that I liked. He didn’t know I did and I use to pretend i didn’t… I wasn’t sure if he liked me too but he use to show all the signs that he did. We both agreed to a friends with benefits dynamic and I told him how I didn’t want any feelings or commitment involved which he said ok to. But he ended up admitting to me later on that he liked me wayyy before we started our situationship (which I kinda figured) I never told him that I liked him too but instead told him that I didn’t like him in that way and maybe we should just go back to being strictly friends. We never went to the extent of having sex but did everything else under it. And he was my first for it all which he knows because before our situationship I told him that I was a virgin. Never dated, never gave/receive oral, never had sex. And so our first time was making out and me getting off on his lap and each time it gradually increased to us giving/receiving oral. (sorry for the details lol) And each time he would teach/guide me through it. I know he has a lot of past experience and I know he doesn’t have the best track record in relationships (always cheating) but I didn’t really mind cause in my head, I wasn’t gonna want to actually date the man. Anyways, we also work together and go to college together. So I’ll see him occasionally at school but always at work. And he started to call out more to avoid me and take different routes to not me on campus. I confronted him and he said he just wanted to respect my feelings and how he thinks he’s getting too attached to me and likes me more than before so he thought giving me some space would help since I didn’t want that. Then about a week later he ends up moving to another state for school. We were talking/texting the whole time until he landed. He ignored my text so I never bothered reaching out after (it’s been almost 2wks now) and I just found out from a friend of his that the entire time this happened HE WAS DATING ANOTHER GIRL!! So now idk how to feel. I can’t be mad because I said I didn’t want a relationship even tho I liked him but I can’t help but feel like he used me… Even though we both consensually made that choice, knowing he had a gf the entire time makes me feel like I was being used for sex but it’s so hypocritical for me to think that way since I told him that’s all I wanted… Am I wrong for what I did? And do I really have a good enough reason to be upset/hurt? I talked with my friends about it and they all keep saying how he shouldn’t have lied but he technically didn’t “use me” and maybe they’re right but it’s kinda how it feels. Like just shitty. And why pretend to like me?? yk

Oh my god :( :(

Baby, I'm so sorry this happened. I think this sort of thing is just SO TRICKY. Because even tho he had a girlfriend it doesn't mean he didn't like you. He lied to you, though, and that just makes him a super shitty person for doing that to you. I'm glad you didn't have sex with him, though!

I've been in a situation where I was the "other woman" too. Only I slept with the guy and we started getting serious (well I thought we were getting serious lol). I had no idea he was seeing a chick he was ENGAGED TO and wound up marrying after ghosting me. I dated the guy for MONTHS. I slept at his house and his roommate never said a damn thing to me (stupid guy code bullshit probably). I would wake up early and start coffee and walk his dog, have conversations with his roommate... And he acted like he was falling in love with me. He was super romantic and would say super cheesy shit to make me laugh but he'd be like "i'm serious. that's how i feel about you." and of course that ish worked on me at the time... anyway one day he just stopped calling, texting and totally ghosted me. A year later I learned he was seeing a woman the whole time he was with me and I only found out because a mutual friend was invited to their wedding 😂

SO... I'm telling you all this to say I know how it feels. You dodged a bullet that he left the state and now you can move on. He probably did like you but it's not worth it to dwell on that because he's a cheater - he even had that reputation so... yeah. You dodged a huge bullet there.

You didn't do anything wrong hon. You had no idea! That's how I felt about the guy who lied to me for months at first but then I realized that I was enjoying a relationship with someone and that's the end of that. What he was doing was his issue. Not mine. I had fun with him while it lasted but now I know the warning signs to look out for and you do too. Don't feel bad and don't worry about what his intentions were. He's a loser and you get to sigh a huge breath of relief knowing he's gone for good and that you didn't sleep with him.

Just give it some time, my love. You'll feel better soon. xoxo

[devdhxc]

follow up to my last post. this is the SEXXXY shirt i bought. waiting to get a gf so i can have this gift READY. when i do eventually get a gf, im thinking i wont give it to her or them until 3-5 months of dating and im confident it will work forever (or at least for a while… relationships dont last forever when you’re young like me) IT IS ADDY YAPPING TIME. even though im saving this shirt for whenever i get into a relationship, i am not currently looking for a partner cuz even though I REALLY WANT ONE and reallllly want to feel loved by someone who isnt just a friend or family, i dont think its the best thing for me right now. theres a lot i need to figure out. like i know who i am and i am very emotionally intelligent and just good at being open with people about how i feel and just being 100% honest all the time, i have a lot of life to live before the point where i think ill deserve a romantic relationship with someone. im 17 and i still need to get a job and make money, i still need to get a car and i need to start saving up for all this stuff so i can do things i want to do and i need to save up so when im 18 i can move out and be completely independent. and also im enjoying making music. music is my whole life and iv rly been on top of making music my top priority and i know myself and i know if i get myself into a relationship, i wont be as consistent with making music because it happened during my last real long term relationship. as much as i loved making music it put me in the longest slump iv ever been in and i barely made music for a good 6-9 months and back then when i was 15 that was ok but im 17 and its time to get serious about this shit cuz it is my entire life. so i gotta keep staying consistent with it. it just kinda sucks cuz im so lonely and it would be really nice to have cuz i just want to feel loved. i know im loved by my friends and appreciated but its just not the same feeling yk