#i think there were some elements to the way things were in terms of like

[miraclecereal]

Rating the Holy Quintet’s new designs + Other stuff

So we got a poster that shows the holy quintet’s new designs mostly in full. Yippiee! Also please keep in mind that these are just my opinions. I’d love to hear what other people think even if it doesn’t match my opinion! Like what you like and dislike what you dislike

The poster:

Madoka: It’s very magical girl! It keeps a lot of components from Madoka’s original design, it simply looks like a more upgraded version of her original attire which I think is very fitting since Madoka is Homura’s priority. If she’s the one who made Madoka a magical girl in this world, she could be giving her a more idealistic experience with her in the center.

The only things I don’t like are the buttons and the bow that seems to be connected to her soul gem but in a way it also works. Homura is practical and so it makes sense to me that in Homura’s world, things would be more practical such the clothing having buttons and the soul gem being connected to the clothing rather than just on the skin. I love the symbolism of the lock and I do believe that her hair bows having a longer tail could represent her long hair in her goddess form.

I personally think it’s too busy but it’s very cute and very Madoka. I’d give it an 8/10

Also just talking about how she looks. Her face in the poster isn’t angry but it’s determined. Instead of taking Homura’s hand she’s pointing at her. I don’t think this means Madoka dislikes Homura and is now completely against her, but I’d say she’s condemning her actions.

Homura: The original Holy Quintet designs were almost perfectly symmetrical so seeing them be asymmetrical now does bother me, even if it is intentional 😅. One shoe having a bow on the back and the other not having one does annoy me more than I wish to admit. (So does the red ribbing only being one leg but not as much)

I love Homura’s sleeves and the detail on the back of the dress. The chunky heels also look good on her and do remind me of her original magical girl attire. I miss the socks she had in her original devil form.

I always thought her original devil form had some good components but could have looked better and I feel the same way about her new one. But I can appreciate it for what it is. 6/10

Also I do wanna say that I think the designs being asymmetrical is intentional given the imagery we have seen in Rebellion and the new trailers, mainly the half moon. Honestly, I never knew how much I loved symmetry until now lol.

Kyoko: Her design isn’t too different. In my analysis of the first trailer, my theory for this is that the girls’ outfits are based off of how Homura sees them because it appears that she’s the one making them into magical girls. Kyoko has always been the more reliable one to Homura and who she seems to work with best besides Madoka in some cases. So to me it makes sense that Kyoko’s outfit wouldn’t change if Homura seeks Kyoko for who she is.

I don’t like the slit on the chest but I think its purpose is to draw your eye to her soul gem which it does a good job of. The puffy sleeves are cute and add a fairytale element to Kyoko’s costume, slightly pulling it away from the original design being similar to a priest’s attire.

I love the braids in her hair that go into her ponytail. It’s a cute little addition along with the red stripe on her skirt. It’s small but it also changes the vibe for me. It makes me wonder if she’s going to be less spunky and more sporty in terms of her energetic-ness. Overall: 7.5/10

Mami: I really want to like her design more than I do 😅 She doesn’t have any ribbons in her new form so they had to change the way her shirt and corset look.

I like the top with the over shirt and undershirt. I personally think it looks cute. I’m not a big fan of the new corset though. It’s loose but stiff which makes it look clunky compared to how flowy her outfit is. Mami’s original corset being tighter accented the silhouette created by her shirt and skirt and added a fullness to her skirt.

It looks like she’s wearing high brown boots over her socks and I don’t like how they look just by the color. My biggest problem with Mami’s new outfit is that there are too many different shades of yellow and brown that feel like they’re all competing against each other. The amount of different colors is weird to look at when the original usually followed a pattern of having a main color, one or two accent colors, and then white. Her new outfit kind of follows those guidelines.

I’m glad they kept the way her gloves are, I like those. 4.5/10

Sayaka: Sayaka is my favorite character and I really wanted to like her design but some parts of it do throw me off. 😭

I��ll start with what I like: The bandage around her face looking like it forms the bow on her head is hella cool. I also believe that the sleeves and the gloves are supposed to be similar to a nurse’s scrubs but I could be wrong. Something that I think is interesting is that her stomach is less exposed and only shows a peek of her soulgem. Her belt and skirt are no longer slanted at an angle which I think could represent taking on a more responsible look and presence in the group. Or maybe I’m reading too much into it.

I also think the diamonds on her chest plate and as buttons do look cool and could make her tied to Homura in someway since diamonds are a motif on Homura’s costume. 👀

Back at it again with the symmetry, I don’t like how she has a knee high sock on one leg and a bandage on the other. I think it fits the look for Sayaka being somewhat indisposed by Homura but I personally don’t like it. Her cape looks like it’s split into three sections which isn’t bad and can create a cool silhouette but it also looks a little strange to me. A similar problem I had with Mami, the different shades of blue. The blue of her arm sleeves and her gloves don’t compliment each other very much. 6.5/10

Nagisa: I think her design is just okay. It has a lot of cute components but it also feels really bare to me. It’s fancy compared to regular attire but too plain for magical girl attire. I personally don’t like how much of her midsection is shown, it kinda reminds me of winter clothing that isn’t meant for winter at all.

I like how her leggings and boots look, it’s a cute pair and the color of her skirt and shawl compliment the brown really well. The gloves are cute but I’m not a fan of the two puff ball tails it looks like are attached to her skirt. They’re just kind of there. I do like this design a little bit better than her original design. 4/10

Green girl: I’m a big fan of her hair color and style + The contrast it has to the dark green of her outfit. I love her gloves and the yellow ribbons on it. I also like her outerwear but I’m not too sure about the color of her inner shirt. It makes it look like a sweater which would add a clunky look to the layers. I like the look of the skirt and the socks too.

The form of the skirt does get me though. I think having it be a bubble skirt is cute but it looks too bulbous. It’d probably be easy to move around in but also a pain to fight in because it probably bumps into a lot of things. I’d want to see her design more clearly and close up so I’m just going to give it a 5/10 for now.

Patchwork Girl: I’m calling her this because of the sewing needles in her hair, red stitches holding her cloak shut, her skirt having a quilt-like pattern, and the string holders around her ankles.

Honestly her design looks like it would fit Magia Record more than the original series but I still like her design. Her cloak and her skirt have multiple colors but these colors are used more than once in both garments creating a reoccurring theme. The brown shirt or corset underneath her cloak is a nice neutral color along with her stockings. There’s a nice mix of bright and toned down colors so your eyes aren’t too overwhelmed. The red bow and stitches is an interesting choice and I do think there’s other colors that could have worked but the red works too. I’m not a big fan of the thread holders around her ankles.

I think her purple eyes do look a little out of place and could have been a mauve or dark pink color but it doesn’t ruin the look for me. I do think that the large sewing needles hanging off her pigtails are a bit excessive though. Maybe if they were smaller or they could have been replaced with the pincushion as a tiny hat. 7/10

Final thoughts + Mini theory: I’m excited for the next movie! Some of the main five’s designs are a little disappointing to me but I still think there’s a lot of love and creativity in each design so I’m still happy! Seeing the two new girls’ designs is neat too.

At the end of the new trailer we get this scene of Mami eating some sort of treat

It immediately felt very strange to me because it’s not very Mami for her to take a big cutesy bite like this. She’s still a teenager and certainly acts like one but she also acts very proper.

One theory I talked about in another post was that the reason why she doesn’t have ribbons in her new magical form could be that her wish is no longer to be “connected to life” which could mean that her parents are still alive and that her wish is something else. Another reinforcement for that theory is the gif above. If Mami’s parents were still alive there’s a chance she wasn’t rushed to grow up and is having more goofy moments as shown. Because her past was different, Mami could have a whole different demeanor.

But hey, that’s just a theory.

[marsixm]

ive been pontificating and i think ive realized some life changes i could make that would improve my mental state include getting a tv antenna and having something random and unimportant playing on the tv at all times, almost like soothing baby noises from the womb, and 2, i like the ability to have access to the internet everywhere PERO i think it has to be confined to a physical location. phone is too omnipresent and feels like its inside my brain. like. if i wanna check twitter in the kitchen i need to use the Internet Terminal. luckily i think i have enough old laptops or whatever lying around to make this a viable solution bc i am, above all else, a sherlock kinnie*. but watching stuff on my ipad is way too convenient so im gonna keep doing that lol

[despair-tea]

She wasn't wrong, I don't think.

[zundely]

So I was playing Golems of Amgarrak today for fun because I am sick like that and I remembered just how time consuming and tidieous the thing with lyrium wells feels (which while annoying on a casual play level is very much adding to the general vibe the DLC is going for. I love you horror survival Dragon Age DLC, no matter how much I harp on u), and then I was reminded of how there were similar puzzles in DA2 DLCs (albeit this time they were only really required if you wanted the loot) and then I was reminded of a reviewer who (tbf they have not played DAO) said something to the tune of "you know how many puzzles "Dragon age before Veilguard had??? About 100% less!"... so yeah.

[golden-redhead]

Okay, but I actually adore the romantic arc in KPop Demon Hunters. There's so little time to tell this story and to focus on all its nuances, but the way the movie gets us there is absolutely amazing and doesn't feel cheap at all. And I think part of the reason why is the fact that Rumi and Jinu never really develop past what technically counts as just a crush.

It doesn't try to convince us that what they shared was something unbeliavably deep or like some kind of soulmate bond. It doesn't act like they were perfect for each other and how their love could make it through everything. It works precisely because it shows the tragedy of how little time they had together and how they never got to explore that on their own terms.

And we can all relate to that feeling of loss of something that could have been more. All of the elements of a great romance are technically there but all these other outside elements are working against them and all we get to see at the end of the day is the unexplored potential.

Rumi and Jinu connected on a very human level, that's true, but the tragedy of their relationship is that it couldn't really become more and what we end up mourning is the potential they had, the fact that they could have been so much more if given a chance.

So often stories try to convince us of these stronger-than-anything romantic arcs, but since a lot of the time romance is the B-plot at best and there's no time to develop it properly, we end up with the characters basically skipping all the stages from attraction and straight to pure and unadulterated love.

KPop Demon Hunters doesn't do that.

Instead, it focuses on the connection that was broken too fast and that's precisely why it resonates with us. It doesn't try to pretend that their romance is something that it isn't and that fact, more than anything else, makes it feel authentic.

I feel like a different ending would have cheapened the story somehow. We got a happy ending, yes, but it doesn't make it all good. It doesn't erase all the pain that we had to go through to get there.

And at the end of the day, it's not some grand love story.

No.

Instead, it's two broken people who connect, who feel attraction and who never get to explore what it means. The romance itself isn't some kind of be-all and end-all kind of thing.

It still matters, though.

Why? Well... because they still got to meet each other. They still got to heal, in their own ways. And that matters, too. Even if it wasn't meant to be the way we wish it was. Sometimes, that's just how it is.

[y3xx]

Guilty

Y/N and Suguru were damn near polar opposites of each other. Y/N, a girl who wore her heart on her sleeve and gave and gave until she couldn't anymore. Suguru, a cocky dickhead who was spoon-fed opportunities and was given everything he ever wanted. how could the two ever make anything work?

Warnings - 18+ MDNI!! enemies to lovers! hockey player!geto, ice skater!reader, tatted!geto, pierced!geto, he gets bitched, getos a whiny little boy, smut, rough sex, sappy sex, daddy kink, breeding kink towards the end, some spit, sex in a public place, at some point Satoru walks in, Y/N kinda cries a lot (self-projection is real). i think theres more? lmk if i missed anything! w.c - 18.5k, not proof read. Song - Guilty By: TAEMIN

PSA - please do not compare this to Icebreaker. ik because of ice skating and the release of this book it’s the first thing you think of but, number one, that book sucks. number two, the book is supposed to have elements and revolve around muslim culture, the author obviously did not do enough research on what it is to be muslim and i hate it. number three, i actually spent time researching and even had someone help me make sure this was the best i can possibly make it, i’d like if my work was appreciated for being my work instead of it being appreciated because it reminds you of smt else. thank you!

all in all, DO NOT COMPARE THIS TO ICEBREAKER.

very special shout out to @r0ses4ndlilies for helping me use the proper ice skating terms!!!

----------------

to say Suguru Geto was meant to be something - someone - important was as if to say the sun was meant to shine. obvious. 

from a young age Suguru knew he was special, gifted in academics and sports, the only person to rival him - his own best friend, Satoru. the boys were their hometowns' prized possessions. their families bragged about them, boys wanted to be them, girls fawned after them. being in their presence meant there was never a dry day but as they grew older, they grew more focused. straying away from others to pursue their dream careers. the dream was finally reached in their college years, being accepted into the prestigious university, Tokyo Metropolitan Technical College. as soon as they graduated high school they were offered full rides to the school, as long as they played on the hockey team.

they took the offer without hesitation, going to one of the highest ranked schools and getting to play the sport of their dreams? easy yes. that was almost four years ago, the boys are in their last year of college, still playing for the hockey team, almost ready to graduate. the team was the best it had been in years, only three losses since Suguru and Satoru joined the team. not only were they the best on the team but the most popular in their frat as well - Sigma Beta Chi, courtesy of Satoru dragging Sugura to join along with him. 

then there was you.

to say you had busted your ass to get where you were today would be an understatement. you poured your blood sweat and tears to get to the spot you’re in, captain of the TMTC ice skating team. as a child you’d always dreamed of becoming a figure skater. a video you had seen sparked your interest and since then you’d never let it go. it was hard, growing up your grandfather had tried his best to support you, going out of his way to pay for your skating lessons and even putting you into an after school program. he never told you of his financial struggles, he didn’t want you to give up on your dream but when you found out, you vowed to pay him back any way you could. you made sure your grades in school couldn’t be challenged, you took on many temp jobs, making money any way you could, while balancing the energy-draining skate practices you went to at night.

in your third year both upper and lower-classmen voted you as captain for the school's team and you were over the moon. you immediately called your grandfather to tell him the great news and he was just as happy as you, forever and always your number one supporter. since you became captain you’ve pushed yourself to and over your limit, challenging yourself in any way possible to make sure you were always at your best. many late nights were spent at the rink until your legs hurt so much you weren’t sure you’d be able to walk back to your dorm. you made sure the team was as best as they possibly could be, some members thought you were a bit harsh but never challenged you. after all, you had won them gold three times in a row for the first time in years. 

the only conflict you had ever had in your four years of being a student at TMTC was with the hockey team. ironic seeing as your sports were the most similar of any other sport on campus but the rumor of all hockey players seemed true, they were dicks. especially the co-captains Suguru and Satoru. they didn’t seem to take your sport seriously, always taunting you whenever they’d see you. snide comments about your figure when they’d see you at practice or remarks about the uniforms you and the team wore. you wouldn’t go as far as to say you hate them (that’s just not you) but you weren’t particularly fond of them. they constantly got on your nerves, their deep boisterous laughs making your eye twitch whenever you heard them.

they ground your gears so much you just tried your best to avoid them. it wasn’t that hard seeing as you all lived on opposite sides of campus and in the two classes you had with Suguru, you sat closest to the wall while he sat dead center with his loud friends. Suguru was smart, extraordinarily so, which is exactly why you didn’t understand why he was such an asshole. you truly believed you two could be great friends but he was so rude it turned you away almost immediately. you never understood why he was so mean to you. the first time you had met you were all smiles and kind waves, you went to introduce yourself to him and he shot you down.

the coaches of both teams had called a meeting for all new team members. it was a run down of the rules and regulations, anti-harassment, anti-bullying, non-discrimination. so much that has done for you. after the meeting was over the coaches gave you the choices of either leaving or the opportunity to mingle. you took the chance to mingle, forever a social butterfly, going up to many different people. some of the girls from your team were a little hostile but open to talking, the hockey boys well… if they didn’t try to hit on you they mostly seemed uninterested in the conversation. making your rounds you finally ended up in front of Suguru and Satoru. Satoru had looked you up and down before walking away, hadn’t even given you the time. holding your hand out for Suguru to shake, you smiled at him. 

“hi, i’m Y/N.” he stared at you before mumbling under his breath. you thought he was going to say something to you but Satoru had called after him, saying something about pizza. Suguru placed the cup he was drinking out of in your hand and walked over to his best friend. “o-oh…” he looked back at you, your face stuck with your mouth open and eyes wide, shocked. a couple of times after you tried to approach him, trying your best to give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he’s not so mean. time and time again he proved you wrong. you would bring in gifts for the team, snacks for practice, water, anything they’d need. everyone was always so grateful, Satoru had even said thank you maybe a handful of times. Suguru had never even muttered anything. 

you kept trying, ever the people pleaser, finding different ways to appease him, if you noticed he seemed to enjoy something more than another you would bring it in more. you would try to catch up to him after practice, spark up a conversation, he never seemed to care enough. you couldn’t understand why you were so obsessed with making him like you. maybe it was because growing up you always made sure everyone liked you, never leaving the house with a hair out place, always bending over backwards to make sure everyone was at least content with you. maybe it was because you couldn’t function if you felt like there was any sort of scrutiny upon your character. maybe you were so obsessed with making him like you because you had a little crush- no, no way. you kept up, trying so hard to get on his good side. it took up until one night, one night and the fixation fell. you were walking out after a long day of practice, he was in front of you, looking down on his phone. 

“hey!” you yelled after him, starting in a little jog to catch up to him. he stopped for a second as you stepped next to him. “hi.” you were panting a little bit, breaths coming out in clouds due to the cold air. the snow that was falling landed in your eyelashes, you were smiling at him, so bright and wide, you looked so cute. cuter than anyone Suguru has seen before. “um, i saw a spin you did back there when you were practicing. i was wondering if maybe you could show it to me. i’ve seen some other skaters on your team do it before too, it’s really cool and i was hoping i could take it back to my team and show them.” you looked up at him, hopeful.

“yeah, no.”

“oh. please? i’d really appreciate it.” you flashed him with that bright smile of yours. he was tempted to say yes, so tempted. if he did teach you maybe he could make you smile more. smile at him. 

“i said no.” you pouted, he was walking away before he turned back around to face you. your face lit back up, eyes sparkling, maybe he changed his mind? “and leave me alone, i notice the weird shit you do to get my attention. it’s annoying, stop.” your face dropped. he turned his back towards you again. after that day you did exactly what he said, left him alone. from that day on you’d begun avoiding him.

you’d done a great job at it too, for years you stayed out his way… until today.

it was another late night at the rink. wednesdays the rinks were always empty for mandatory deep cleaning, the captains would usually ask the manager of the building if they could borrow it on these nights to practice by themselves. there was a deal that the captains of the separate teams could have the rink every-other wednesday, tonight was your night. you were on your way into the rink, texting your friend Bri, she was telling you about how Satoru was staring at her from across the lecture hall. she was obsessed, it was odd seeing as you told her how much he got on your nerves and how he teased you in public. she didn’t seem to care too much. 

as you were heading to the locker room you heard clinking coming from the ice, you had assumed it was the cleaning crew, they’d usually be finishing up right about now. lacing up your skates you finally put your phone down, over Bri’s delusions, you were too afraid to cut her off as a friend, scared of the potential consequences. walking to the rink, your guards scuffing against the floor as you dragged your feet, already feeling the pain in your legs. you were just about to sit down and take your guards off before you saw him. the infamous number two on his jersey moving against his body as he moved the hockey puck around with his customized stick.

“hey!” you yelled out through the windows separating the bleachers and the rink. “what are you doing?” he stopped just as he was about to hit the puck into the makeshift goal he mapped out in the corner. turning around to look at you with low eyes.

“what does it look like i’m doing?” he answered back, snarkily.

“it looks like you’re taking up my time.” you were annoyed, he knows this is your time, you’d even specified yesterday. talking just loudly enough for the hockey team to hear from across the rink, you knew they were listening in, they always do. 

“your time?” he scoffed.

“yeah, my time.” you rolled your eyes. “listen, i don’t know how long you’ve been here but it’s long enough. i really don’t want to be mean or make this bigger than it is but i really need to practice. i’d really appreciate it if you left.” you gave him the kindest smile you could then sat down to take the guards off your skates.

“alright, princess, i was here first. that means i get the rink.” his arms were out at his side, gesturing to the rink. you shot back up quickly.

“no!” you exclaimed. “this is my night. you being here first doesn’t mean anything. and i told you to stop calling me that.” princess. the stupid nickname he had given you two years ago. you were leaving the rink after a meeting between the two teams, him and Satoru trailing behind laughing and giggling to each other. he’d tried calling after you, yelling your name a couple of times, you had ignored him, not wanting to deal with their antics. he yelled after you once more before the godforsaken nick-name fell from his lips. you stopped immediately, turning on your heels before telling him to not call you that. after that he made it a point to call you it whenever he could.

“first come first serve, princess.” your eye twitched. 

“Geto-”

“what’s up with the formalities? can’t call me by my name?” he raised an eyebrow at you.

“can you just leave?” 

“i already told you-”

“i know what you told me and i’m telling you, it’s my night here and i’d like to practice now.” your tone was stern.

“no.” he stated simply. you guffawed.

“no?”

“no.” you took a deep breath before turning away.

“y’know what, nevermind.” beginning to walk away you heard the sound of his skates against the ice.

“you giving up that easily princess!?” he yelled after you. you turned back around to find him at the door of the rink, coming towards you.

“can you just not? i’m not in the mood for this today.” turning back around and trudging to the locker room. he caught up to you quickly - the advantage of having long legs - grabbing your arm. you pulled away immediately, walking away faster. at that he put out his stick, knocking it against the blade of your right skate, harder than he intended. you hit the ground before you could try to catch yourself. your knees took the brunt of the fall as well as your palms. turning over to sit down you felt a sharp pain in your ankle. as you lifted to assess it you heard a snap, your foot fell ungracefully. looking down, a piece of the blade of your skate lay next to your shoe.

“shit.” Suguru muttered under his breath. “i- i’m sorry.” you wouldn’t look up at him, staring at your broken skate. he heard your shuddering breath before he saw a tear fall and soak into your stockings. “um- here, let me-”

“asshole.” he reached to help you up but you pulled away. unlacing your other skate and ripping it off, you shot up, grabbing your skates along with the broken blade, stumbling before quickly limping away. “you’re such a fucking asshole.” sniffling and wiping your face, you headed to the locker room. he followed after. “just go away.”

“stop being such a bitch and let me help you.” you stopped and whipped around to face him.

“i’m being bitch?” you questioned exasperatedly. “you broke my fucking skate and i’m being a bitch?!” he had never heard you speak so crudely. you’ve called him an asshole on multiple occasions, him and Satoru but he’d never heard you say fuck. it’s like you refused. “look at what you did! you’ve been torturing me since junior year and i’m the fucking bitch! do you know how much these cost?! how much new ones will cost?!” you were damn near hyperventilating, pacing back and forth. 

“i’ll get you a new pair.” you scoffed and put your hands on your hips, facing the wall, the shoes in each one of your hands.

“you'll get me a new pair. you’ll get me a new pair?! do you even know where these came from?!” you were in distress, overwhelmed, Suguru seemed to have that effect on you. “you can’t just get me a new pair, Geto. i can’t believe you.” your voice broke. “i- i always knew you were a dick but i really didn’t you’d go so far to break my skates.”

“it’s really not that big of a deal.” he rolled his eyes.

“not a big deal?” you finally turned to face him, the look on your face did something to him, it actually made him feel… bad. “they were from my grandfather, he made them for me in junior year and the guy who made them closed shop the next year. you can’t get another pair.” shit. shit. he fucked up, bad. he was in too deep now, if he owned up to it now then that would means he’s wrong and Suguru Geto he never been wrong. well, not if you ever asked him.

“this wouldn’t have happened if you had just left.” 

“it’s my night Geto, you knew that!”

“yeah well i needed the practice.”

“what the fuck did you think i needed?”

“come on, we both know which one of us is more important here.” you were pissing him off, he was deflecting.

“you can’t be serious.”

“i am. nobody takes you fucking serious, nobody cares about watching you parade around on the rink in your small little fucking skirts.” you looked up to the ceiling and nodded your head.

“right.” you turned away from him. “you’re right.” you walked away, he heard you go into the locker room and he went back to the ice. eventually he heard the front doors open and close.

----------------

for the next three weeks he had not seen you come into your wednesday practices. he purposely came to the ones he knew you would be at but you had never showed up. he would wait until closing time, staying until the custodial staff would kick him out, you never appeared. he noticed you were in and out of your classes as well. you had the same classes together everyday, civics and economics, some days you would be there but have your head down and constantly checked your phone. other days you weren’t there at all. he had asked your professors if he could have your papers, to make sure you were getting them but each of them had replied that you didn’t need them, you were all caught up.

you didn’t come to your teams practices either, luckily you had always taught them the drills you came up with way beforehand. if Suguru had ever cared to look deeper into who you are (which he’d never admit that he did) he would maybe, possibly, just maybe own up to the fact that he might admire the way you carried yourself. you’re a great captain, an amazing skater, and an even better student. you’re just up there with him and Satoru. he’ll never tell you that though. he oftentimes wondered what you thought about him. did you think he was smart? a good skater? do you think he’s attractive? he wants to know if you think of him the way he thinks of you. he’ll never ask. 

eventually you came back. two more weeks of not being there, then, he saw you again. you were in class, back at practice, running drills and laughing with your friends. but he noticed something different, you were more reserved, if you weren’t with your friends you weren’t with anyone at all. your smile didn’t reach your eyes like it usually did. after practice you left immediately, not waiting for everyone to leave like you usually did. you were out of the door before anybody could say bye. you weren’t you. Suguru looked after you, even if you weren’t aware, he did. he made sure when him and Satoru picked on you they never went too far. when he heard other guys on the team talk about you, he shut it down almost immediately. Suguru cared, he’d never outright show it or tell you but he did. 

even now that you’re back you still weren’t coming to your wednesday practices. at some point he stopped going for “practice” and would wait for you to walk through the doors. you never did. he got around to asking one of your teammates, Yari, where you had been. she told him you found a new rink, a better one. apparently you knew the manager well and he would give you the space for two nights a week. she had said you lucked out, the rink was spacious and had more to offer. Suguru thanked Yari by finger-fucking her in the back office. she walked out dazed with a blissed out smile on her face while he sat… disgusted. he didn’t even like her. he didn’t like a lot of the girls he slept with, he just did. building up a reputation of one of the best fucks on campus, besides Satoru of course. 

he’s always wanted one girl. he’s always wanted you but you’ve never paid him any mind. around campus he’s heard about you, the boyfriend you had in junior year, how much he hurt you and how you swore off relationships after. choosing to focus on school like you had promised yourself you would once entering the university. Suguru had a girlfriend, plenty of them. they never lasted, he couldn’t stay tied down to one girl. eyes always wandering. he broke up with them before it got too serious. he liked them enough to get with them just… not enough to stay. 

walking into class you were heading to, looking at your phone checking your grandfather's location to make sure he was home like you told him to be. stopping in your tracks when you came across big black combat boots. looking up he had an all black outfit to match, like usual. his hair was down in a low bun, some strands framing his face. rolling your eyes and breathing out a sigh as you looked at him.

 “what do you want?” sitting up in his - your - seat he sat down his pencil on the desk. 

“you weren’t here.” he shrugged. 

“so you took my seat?” he could see the annoyance bleeding onto your face. 

“it’s not like you were here to stop me.” you just looked at him like he was stupid. 

“fine.” moving away and three rows behind him, you plopped down into a random desk. he grabbed all his stuff and took up the desk next to you. you looked at him before looking away and to the window. your leg started bouncing up and down. “you just don’t give up do you?” 

“give up what?” 

“what do you want, Geto?” you turned towards him. “what do you want? you want me to cry again? you want me to grovel?” 

“no. i just-”

“then what?”

“i was gonna say sorry but never-fucking-mind.” 

“you were gonna say sorry?” you laughed in his face. “that’s a good joke, Geto.” for some reason that got on his nerves. 

“what? i can’t apologize?”

“it’s not that you can’t. you don’t.” you’re right. “i don’t care anyway. so even if you do, it doesn’t matter.” he didn’t know what to say so for the rest of class he sat in silence. when the bell rang you packed your things up and left quickly. it was the last class of the day and he watched the direction you went in, he knew where you were headed so he followed. when you walked into the rink it was completely empty. you stopped in your tracks. 

“all practices were canceled today.” 

“you’re telling me now?”

“you didn’t get the email?”

“obviously not, Geto.” turning to leave you push past him but he grabs your arm. looking up into those brown eyes of his you try to pull away but he grips harder. “can you let go now?” 

“why do you act like that?” you look at him confused. 

“act like what.” 

“like you hate me.” 

“maybe cause i do.” you rip away from him, heading to the doors. he quickly catches up and blocks you from leaving. you let out a huff and try to push past him. “move.”

“you don’t hate me.”

“why wouldn’t i?” you look up at him. “hm? you make fun of my uniforms. you always say my drills suck. you and Satoru make fun of my team and my sport. you comment on the way i skate. hell, you broke my skates. skates i can’t get back. so why wouldn’t i?” 

“hate isn’t in your vocabulary.” he states, simply. he’s right, it’s not but would you let him know that? 

“yeah? how would you know?” he stared at you, questioning whether you did hate him or not. you were right, how would he know? pulling away from him you turn towards the locker rooms, if practice was canceled here today you would go somewhere else. he watched you for a second, contemplating leaving before he followed after you quickly. grabbing your things from your locker you watched him walk into the women’s locker room. “you’re not supposed to be in here-” he rushed over to you and before you could finish your sentence, his lips covered yours. his kiss was rough, lips moving over yours hurriedly, teeth gnawing at your bottom lip. your arms stayed at your side and your eyes were wide. you pushed him away, making space between your bodies. “what is wrong with you?” you were panting, chest rising and falling quickly. 

he moved in again, lips back on yours, this time you didn’t pull away. your bag fell off your shoulders and your new skates fell to the ground. your lips met his harshly, your fingers tangling in his hair. you pulled him down towards you, hunching him over. his hands slid around your waist to grip onto your shirt. he pushed you back into the lockers, the metal clanging as your body met them, he quickly spun you around, your torso pressing into the metal. he sucked on your ear and trailed wet kisses down your neck, the metal ball of his tongue piercing trailing down your skin. he panted into your skin as he ground his hardening cock on your ass. 

“if you’re gonna fuck me Geto, get it over with.” you breathed. his hand wrapped around your neck, arching your back and resting your head against his shoulder. 

“is that how you should talk to me? i’ll leave you right here.”

“your loss.” you shrugged, pushing him away to grab your things. before you could stray too far he pushed you back against the lockers. he made quick work of unbuttoning his pants and tugging them down just below his dick then, he pulled down your sweatpants, they pooled around your ankles. he ground his cock into your backside and groaned into your neck. his precum dripped on your back as he humped your ass. “hurry up.” you grumbled. sliding his tip through your folds, he pressed into your hole, sliding in only the tip before slipping back out. he did this over and over again until you were huffing in annoyance. 

behind you, his face was beet red. he was panting, teasing you and himself in hopes of dragging this out for as long as he possibly could. finally over it, you stamped your foot down, ready to completely push him off of you. he didn’t give you the chance, stuffing his cock all the way into you at once, shuffling forward to press his entire body into yours. you yelped out as his entire length throbbed in you, shaping your ways to accommodate for every ridge and vein. he’s the biggest you’ve ever taken, so thick you’re sure your walls are stretched to the fullest and so long you could feel him in your throat. 

“oh, fuck.” he moaned behind you. his heart was pounding in over-exertion. he was focusing so hard on trying not to cum so soon. he gave you time to adjust and time for himself to calm down before he busted before he even started. he groaned into your neck as you clenched around him, trying to get used to his girth. 

“fuck, move.”

“you sure?” 

“please, come on, just move Geto.” he nodded his head. giving one exploratory thrust, trying to gauge how you feel, how he'd feel. he moaned as his cock moved in and out of you. he could already feel the coil winding up within his lower stomach, he wasn’t gonna last. he thrust again, a whimper escaping his lips. your eyebrows raised at the noise. he whimpered. he started to develop a rhythm, hips moving languidly against yours. his hands moved up your body, gripping your boobs through your shirt, you’re not wearing a bra. he pinched your nipples through your shirt and a noise escaped your lips. the prettiest moan fell from your lips. 

he angled his hips differently and he hit that certain spot in you just right. a louder moan exited your mouth and he whimpered at it. your moans are so pretty, so pretty they made his dick throb. little “ah, ah, ah’s” left your lips at each thrust, everything about him took over your entire being. all you could feel was his hands on your body, all you could smell was his cedarwood and vanilla cologne. you were drowning in him, every sense revolved around him. Suguru couldn’t feel anything else besides your tight walls gripping him. you were so tight around him his eyes rolled back. he’d never been so vocal before, let alone whined to a girl he was fucking. 

you brought something in him, something he didn’t know existed. a need. a need for him to express how good you’re making him feel. “faster.” he shook his head against your shoulder. “come on, Geto, faster.” 

“i can’t, fuck,” he whined. “i’ll cum, i’ll fucking cum and it’ll all be over.” 

“already?” you moaned out a scoff. “i’m not even close, Geto.” he thrust into you faster. his length continuously brushing over you g-spot. one hand that was gripping your boob moved down to rub circles over your clit. his fingers were nimble and quick but messy. the circles are uncoordinated but good enough to make your thighs shake. you're so wet it's dripping down your thighs and getting on his, his hand is soaked now. 

“stop calling me that.” he whined. “say my name.”

“that is your name-”

“no. my name please.” he sounded so pretty whining for you. 

“Suguru.” he moaned. “i’m gonna cum, Suguru.” you were the one whining now. 

“please.” he rubbed your clit faster, hurriedly thrusting into you. you met him thrust for thrust, moving with him. “fuck, just like that, princess.” the claps of skin on skin could be heard throughout the locker room. you pray to whatever God out there that no one is here. “i’m gonna cum, i need you to first.” he licked a stripe up your neck, leading to your ear before he bit at your lobe. his nose pressed into your ear and he panted into your skin, harsh breaths against you. all the stimulation was getting to you, his fingers rubbing at your clit, his other hand grabbing your boob, his mouth breathing heavily against you and biting at you. the final straw was when he moved his hand from your chest to your neck, squeezing slightly, just enough to make your breathing labored and make you dizzy. your head fell to his shoulder and you dear damn screamed out as you came.  

your thighs shook violently as you creamed around Suguru. the essence of your orgasm dripping down his cock. his mouth dropped open as he felt you clench and unclench around him. he moaned out as he felt his own orgasm creeping up on him. “pull out.” you whimpered. “Suguru, pull out.” he didn’t want to, God, he didn’t want to. finally building up enough strength, he pulled out. his hand wrapped around his tip, jerking his cock quickly, your wetness helping his hand glide smoothly up and down his skin. the first spurt of his cum landed on your back, the warm fluid dripped down your back. the rest came and he moaned with each one. his chest heaved as he came, possibly the hardest he has since his first time, maybe better than that. there was so much of it too, long thick strings painted on your back. he removed his grip from his dick and ran his thumb through the small puddle on your back, smearing it across your skin.

“that was…” he huffed out a breath, smiling up at the roof.

“yeah, let’s not talk about it.” you were quick to pull up your pants. 

“what?” Suguru followed after, pulling up his pants, buttoning them, and buckling his belt. “i thought- i thought it was good. you thought it was good right?” you gathered all your things and headed to the door. 

“it was fine.”

“just fine?” you were rushing to the front door. “come on, it was more than just fine. Y/N, look at me.” you kept going, not sparing him a glance. “come on.” he reached out for you, grabbing your shoulder and turning you to him. “look at me.”

“for what?!” you yelled at him. “for what? it happened. you can go brag about it.” 

“you think i’m gonna brag about it?”

“that’s what you do, Geto. you fuck some girl and go tell the team about it or some boy in your frat. next thing you know the whole school knows about it and that girls just some whore. i’ve gone this fucking long without being caught up in this shit and you corner me once now i’m one of them.” tears built up in your eyes. “at least give me the courtesy of not saying my name.” you walked away from him, leaving him to stand alone, stunned.

----------------

Geto didn’t tell anyone. it’s been two weeks and he hasn’t muttered a single word about what happened in the rink. he didn’t even tell Satoru, the only person in the world he tells everything. ever since it happened you wouldn’t even look at him. if he caught your eyes you would immediately cast yours down. you went back to avoiding him and he hated it, he fucked up. he still can’t explain what came over him that night, he doesn’t know why it happened but he can’t take it back now. he thought it would open the door for something, some way in for him. it didn’t. 

one of your friends, Reí, had noticed something was up with you. you were quieter, there was this awkward air to you. she approached you one day when you were leaving class. 

“hey, what’s up with you?” you were heading to the quad, it was lunch time and you had some extra work you’d like to get done, you figured fresh air would be good for you. 

“nothings up with me.” you chuckled awkwardly. you took a seat on a bench under a shady tree. the sky was a little muted today, the fall season in full effect, it wasn’t a bright day like it usually would be. the sky not a bright blue and the sun not shining as much as it would. it seemed as though the earth was reflecting your mood. 

“come on, Y/N/N, be honest with me.” she laughed. “what’s up?” you huffed a bit as you looked over your campus. a gust of wind blew past you, blowing your hair over your shoulder. 

“i fucked up.” you whispered. 

“you? you never fuck up.” Reí tried to joke. 

“i did, i do. i- i don’t know.” you began to pick at your nails. 

“what happened?” you sighed before turning to look her in her eyes. 

“there’s this guy.” 

“a guy?”

“yeah.”

“so… what about this guy? do you like him? is that it, you like a guy?”

“no. i don’t like this guy, that’s the problem.”

“well Y/N/N, i don’t think it’s that much of a problem. you don’t like him, it can’t be that serious. right?”

“we fucked.”

“oh!”

“we fucked and i don’t know what to do.” you sobbed, tears running down your face. Reí moved closer and pulled you into a hug, her arms wrapping around you and petting your hair. she shushed you as you cried into her neck. “i don’t do that type of thing and- and ever since J i haven’t done anything and then this one guy comes out of nowhere and just fucks it all up!” 

“it’s ok, we all have flings in college, it’s cool.”

“no! it’s not just a fling, Reí, i hate this guy.” your sentences came out in broken sobs. “that was never supposed to happen and now when everyone finds out they’re gonna think i’m some slut for letting it happen.” you pulled back to look at her, your lower lip trembling as you spoke. 

“why would anybody think that?” she tucked pieces of your hair behind your ear and wiped your tears. 

“cause that’s what everybody thinks.” you looked down and played with your hands. “everyone here thinks all the girls here who have sex are nasty.” you looked back up to her. “i don’t wanna be nasty.” you pouted. 

“aww, baby, no one’s gonna think you’re nasty.”

“yes they will.” you nodded at her. “you should’ve heard what they said when me and J broke up. he told them what we did. he told them i let him take my virginity and everyone called me really mean names.” you swallowed harshly. “it took months for everyone to forget about that, until the next thing happened everyone was so mean. i didn’t even do anything! i thought i was just being a good girlfriend.” 

“what do you mean?” she gave you a puzzled look.

“J wanted to have sex.” you looked into her eyes. “i told him i wasn’t ready but he told me everyone else was doing it. he said that we should too and i’d be the best girlfriend. i didn’t even know what i was supposed to do.”

“Y/N/N he didn’t… did he?”

“no. i told him it was ok but i regretted it after. he got mad i didn’t wanna do anything anymore so he broke up with me.” another tear trailed down your face. “he told almost everyone. all the girls laughed at me and all they guys called me a prude. said i wasn’t even worth it.” 

“he was a dick, Y/N/N. he wasn’t worth it and i’m so sorry that happened.” you shrugged at her. “but, what does this have to do with this guy?” she tilted her head, her pretty brown hair falling over her shoulder. 

“cause he’s a dick too. he’s a dick and i know he’s gonna tell everyone.”

“how long ago was it?” 

“like… two weeks ago?”

“well, i haven’t heard anything and y’know, most guys wouldn’t wait two weeks to start telling everyone who he fucked, right?”

“i guess.” 

“look, i know this is a lot to think about, how about we get your mind off it. let’s go get some lunch, on me?” she was hopeful, she didn’t want to watch you sulk, you’re one of the best and brightest people she knows. you shook your head. 

“i have some stuff to do.” you whispered. 

“ok. fine, ok. you want me to sit with you?”

“no. i wanna be alone if that’s ok.”

“sure. just- just let me know if you need anything, yeah? i’m always here.” you gave her a nod and she leant down to give you a peck on the forehead before she walked away. she’d always been a good friend to you. looking back out to the campus, you saw his familiar black hair, in a half up half down style now. he walked with some girl - Yari, from your team - he was walking her to the science building and once they reached the front doors, she turned around and smiled at him. they spoke for a bit before he grabbed her by her chin, pulling her to him and planting a kiss on her lips. once he let go she looked up to him, her eyes sparkling. 

your heart clenched. 

getting up and gathering your things you stormed off and towards your dorm. retreating there for the rest of the day. 

Suguru didn’t mean to get involved with Yari. really, it just… happened. he was upset about the situation between you two and she just so happened to be there. the only reason he’s stayed talking to her for this long is because in some way, she reminds him of you. the way her eyes light up when she looks at him, as if he’s hung the moon and the stars, it reminds him of how you used to look at him way back when. before he fucked you over. before he was so mean to you, how your eyes would shine when you looked at him. if he squinted just enough when looking at her, he could see you. ever since that night in the rink, he’s only wanted to see you. to feel you again, to hold you. his hands have been itching to grab for you whenever you two cross paths. not having you is like living hell. he hates it. 

finally leaving Yari, he turns around to head to his own class. making his way across the quad he sees a figure hurriedly walking in some direction. when he looks over at it, he recognizes it’s you. he wants to follow you, so bad. but he knows he shouldn’t, if he did you’d probably have his head on a stake. 

----------------

another week had passed before you started feeling somewhat like yourself again. Reí had decided to take you out a couple of days ago. she took you to the diner not too far off campus, you two talked over milkshakes and french fries. she didn’t pry too much but talking to her made you feel like you had a weight lifted off your chest. it felt great. practice was canceled again today, something about one of the coaches having a family emergency, so the rink was free for the day. 

you decided to take it over for the night. one of the custodians told you no one was coming in tonight so you were free to have it. you were trying to get one specific move down, the same one you’ve been trying to learn since freshman year. it was a move all hockey players used. a hockey stop, simple yet, you’d once seen Suguru spin and come to a full hockey stop. you’d wondered how he did it. while your sports were similar there was a clear difference between them. figure skaters were gentle with their movements and it took more agility to follow through with them. hockey players were more aggressive. hockey was about defense and brutality, the players were more up-front and they lacked flexibility. 

while you were a figure skater, you did appreciate hockey and had taken a liking to practicing their moves. you’d even introduced some into the choreography of your team, giving some contrast to the ensemble. the harshness of the hockey moves plus the gentleness of figure skating make for a beautiful scene. you’ve mastered the hockey stop, it’s an easy move but when you had watched Suguru do a complete 360 and come to the stop it was something you had wanted to do as well. while you’d seen him do it years ago it never really left your head and with the new choreography you were coming up with, you wanted to include the move. 

you were getting closer, you think. well, it was better than before. at first you had completely busted your ass, sliding along the ice and hurting your chin. now most times when you fell, you went down slower. able to catch yourself before you fell on your ass again. as you were practicing you fell again, sitting down and huffing out a breath. the ice nipped at your legs through your tights and you sat for a second, looking up at the roof before looking down to play with your hands. what you hadn’t noticed was a guest within the seats, watching you as you tried to ace the move over, and over again. 

“you’re putting too much weight on your back foot.” your head shot around quickly, turning to face the booming voice. you rolled your eyes when you looked at him. there he stood, 6 '3'' stature wearing all black, his arms at his side and his jet black hair falling over his wide shoulders. 

“can you just go away?” 

“can i help you?” the question was genuine, he wanted to help. and maybe spend time with you. 

“no.”

“why not?”

“cause i don’t want your help.” you deadpanned. Suguru got up and walked away, you thanked God he chose to adhere to your request. getting back up, you went to the other side of the rink, skating yourself across the ice. you turned backwards and put your left leg out, turning into a camel spin, both your arms placed straight out to your sides. bringing your leg back down for an upright spin, putting an abrupt stop to the turn you jut out your right leg for the hockey stop. just as you thought you had gotten it, you fell back onto your palms. sitting back down and heaving out another sigh, you were ready to give up for the day. just as you were ready to go, you heard the doors to the rink being opened. you turned to see Suguru walking onto the ice. falling out and splaying yourself along the ice you groaned quite dramatically. 

“get up.” he stood over you. 

“i told you to go away.” you looked to him, one eye closed as the light shined in it. 

“i told you i was going to help.”

“i don’t need your help. i’m done.” you sat up, getting on your knees to stand up fully. Suguru grabbed your arm pulling you up and into him. “can you get off of me?” instead of responding, he started skating to the opposite side of the rink, dragging you along with him. once you reached the corner, he let go. 

“show me.” he gestured to the rink. 

“yeah, i’d rather not.” you were going to walk away but he grabbed you and turned you towards the open space of the rink. 

“you want to get it down right? show me.” his voice was soft as he spoke to you. you contemplated for a second. you could leave and go home or you could get help from the person who inspired the move. going home seemed like a really good option. getting into position, you started skating before doing just as you had done before, camel into an upright spin and full hockey stop. once again tipping over and landing on your ass. “like i said, you’re putting too much weight on your back foot, that’s why you keep falling back. and you can’t just stop, it’s too much force, you need to build up some sort of momentum so there’s something to combat the weight of your body.” his arms were crossed over his chest as he spoke to you, muscles bulging even through his black shirt. you were staring at the veins in his hands before you quickly brought your eyes up to his then looked away. 

“sure.” taking up your spot next to him you did as he said, once again a camel into an upright spinning and once your right foot met the ice again, you gave yourself a slight push before coming into the hockey stop. this time you didn’t fall onto your ass, landing on one of your knees instead. slightly better. 

“you’re not compensating enough for your own weight, look.” Suguru started his own skate and turned into a spin, not exactly an upright one but close enough. as the turn came to a close, he pushed himself forward again, quite harshly, before stopping. “see, you need a counter for yourself. just stopping isn’t enough to carry you. now you do it.” this time when you did it, following through with an extra push, you didn’t fall. instead you had tripped forward and bumped into the wall. “now you’re putting too much weight on your front foot. you need to find a balance. do we have to run first year training drills?”

“i’m not some freshman, Geto. i know what i’m doing.” you snapped. 

“do you?” you stared at him quizzically before giving up. 

“nevermind. i’m done.” walking away you headed to the door. 

“wait.” you paused. “i- i don’t mean to be rude or anything. i’m actually trying to help.”

“you think you’re gonna help by demeaning my skill set? i’m captain for a reason.”

“i’m not trying to. i’m captain too, remember?” 

“we play two different sports.”

“yeah, and you’re trying to perfect one of my moves. let me help you.”

“i can do it by myself.” you turned to face him. 

“i’m not saying you can’t. but i know it pretty well and i can show you how to do it.” you stared at him blankly. “listen, if… if i help you get this right, you can teach me some moves from your team.” that got your attention. 

“really?” 

“yeah.” you slowly skated to him. 

“ok.” for the next hour, Suguru had shown you how to incorporate a hockey stop into your routine. you had finally gotten to a point where you didn’t fall at all. the move could use a little work but it was way better than what you had before. once you had finally gotten it, you were so excited you jumped with glee, somehow making your way into Sugurus arms. his large arms had wrapped around you as you hugged him. when you noticed where you were, you immediately backed out of his embrace. 

“sorry.” 

“it’s fine.” you began to slowly skate backwards. 

“i should go now, it’s pretty late.” your voice came out quietly and you pointed behind you. Suguru began to skate toward you. 

“or, we can stay, practice a little longer?” 

“i- um, i don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“why not?” he was in front of you. you had skated yourself so far back and somehow, into a wall. 

“cause.”

“because?” there’s a small space left between your bodies and Suguru had reached forward, pulling you into him, he leaned down, inching his face closer to yours. “because what?” he whispered against your lips. 

“cause- um,” he pressed himself closer to you, torso to torso. “cause-” you didn’t get to finish your sentence as he gently pressed his lips to yours. you sighed into his mouth as your lips met. you wrapped your arms around his neck, falling into him as you breathed him in. he deepened the kiss, parting your lips with his own and sliding his tongue against yours. you moaned into his mouth and he groaned against yours. suddenly, reality hit you and you pulled away.  “what is wrong with you?”

“huh?”

“don’t act dumb, Geto, oh my God. i- i can’t.”

“can’t what?” you pressed a hand to your forehead and began to skate away. 

“what are you gonna tell your girlfriend?”

“girlfriend? i- i don’t-”

“what?” you turned back to him. “she doesn’t have to know? don’t give me that.”

“Y/N, what fucking girlfriend are you talking about.”

“Yari!” you exhaled, exasperated. 

“Yari’s not my girlfriend.” 

“so you’ve been doing this with her too? what, you fucked her in the locker room like you did me? does your girlfriend know about her-”

“i don’t have a girlfriend!” he yelled over you. 

“then why do i always see you with Yari?!” 

“see me with her? i’m never with her.”

“yes you are, Suguru! you’re always with her! i see you parading around campus with her, walking her to class, sitting out on the quad with her. she- she comes to practice talking about you.” you began picking at your nails. 

“i-” he didn’t know what to say, you’re right, he’s always with her. it’s not his choice, she just follows him around everywhere. he told her to leave him alone last week but she swore they had something special, that she loved him and knew he loved her too. talk about delusional. 

“so i’m right?” you scoffed. deciding to exit from the conversation, you began to skate to the exit. Suguru quickly caught up, grabbing your hand, he turned you to him. 

“you’re wrong.” you just stared at him, a glazed over look in your eye. “she’s not my girlfriend. yeah, ok, we did something but that was it. i fucked with her for a while but i told her i didn’t like her, she just- she won’t leave me alone. i don’t have a girlfriend, at all. i don’t want one.”

“so what’s this supposed to be?” you gestured between the two of you with your free hand. 

“i didn’t mean it like that.” 

“then what did you mean?” 

“Satoru’s having a thing tomorrow night,”

“i don’t do parties.” 

“it’s not a party,” he rushed out. “Satoru said it’s just a little get together with some friends. can you stop by? maybe we can talk then?” you wanted to say no, there’s nothing to talk about but your mind didn’t have time to catch up with your body. you were nodding your head before a word could be muttered. “ok.” he let go of your hand, it was then that you realized your fingers were intertwined.

 when you finally got back to your room that night, you screamed into a pillow. every pent up emotion that was building inside of you from spending so much time with Suguru escaping as you yelled. you couldn’t believe you let him get to you, again. and you can’t believe you agreed to meet him tomorrow night. what was wrong with you. 

----------------

the next day flew by, your classes went by smoothly, Suguru staring at you from across the room in the ones you had together. practice was a little rushed, it was a friday and a break was coming up, everyone was excited to get out. now you sat in your dorm, staring at your phone as the time ticked by. it was 7:23, Suguru never gave you a time to show up. what time were you supposed to come? were you already late? would he be mad? you sat for another hour, finally leaving the comfort of your room and heading across campus to the frat house. 

walking up to the house, lights were flashing and music was booming. people were sitting outside, all huddled up because of the cold, passing around a blunt. “so much for a ‘small get together.’” you muttered to yourself. approaching the front door, you walked in and were immediately hit with the smell of a college party. sweaty bodies jumped and rubbed against each other, others were making out somewhere in a corner. looking over the area, you tried to spot his tall stature and black hair. when you didn’t see him you moved into the crowd. walking through the people and moving to the kitchen, you grabbed a water bottle before going back to searching around. after searching for a while, you gave up, finding one of his frat brothers instead. “have you seen Suguru?” he looked you up and down before responding. 

“you that crazy bitch?”

“huh?”

“you that crazy bitch?” he said, more pointedly. 

“what crazy bitch?”

“what’s her name? um, she’s on the figure team.”

“Yari?” 

“yeah! that’s you?”

“i’m not Yari.” he squinted his eyes before shrugging. 

“upstairs, second door to the left. knock.” that’s all he said before turning to walk over to a group of girls, they all looked at you weird before he approached them. going up the stairs, you almost made it to the top before you saw him. his broad stature leaned against a wall, hair tied back in a bun, his arms crossed over his chest as he spoke. he sat talking to some girl, eyes hooded as he looked at her, a smirk on his face. you stared at the two, her short brown hair falling to one side as she tilted her head. walking back down the steps, especially quiet so they wouldn’t hear you, you headed back to the kitchen. you leaned against the counter, gripping the sides. ok, if he wants to be all over every girl, you can be all over every guy. 

stomping out of the kitchen you looked around before making your way to the makeshift dance floor. you slipped in between the bodies, finding your way to the middle. settling into the people grinding on each other, you tapped the shoulder of some random guy, Haibara his name is, another brother of the frat, you asked if he wanted to dance. he looked between you and the girl he was dancing with before completely turning to you, letting out and enthusiastic, “sure!” you heard the girl mutter something before she walked away angrily. turning around, you pulled the boy closer to you, pressing your ass to his crotch, you heard a stuttered breath escape his lips. 

you placed his hands on your hips and swayed slowly, grinding against him to the beat of the song. you saw Suguru make his way down the steps slowly, one arm hanging over the shoulder of the girl, they laughed together loudly. out of spite, you dragged one of Haibara's hands up your body slowly. his breathing grew heavier behind you. you knew he was shy, one of the more reserved brothers of the frat. he only joined because Satoru and Suguru made Nanami join and by association, him. you felt bad, you weren’t sure what he was comfortable with and here you were making him feel you up. he didn’t seem to care though, pulling you closer and laying his forehead on your shoulder. Suguru saw you from across the room, eyes locking onto you and the figure behind you. you saw him whisper something in the girl's ear and she looked over too, she gestured to you and Haibara, Suguru kissed her forehead quickly and let go.

he quickly made his way over to you two. when he reached you, he grabbed your forearm and pulled you away from the brunette boy. “hey- oh! what’s up Suguru.” Haibara smiled. 

“nothing.” he dragged you along with him as he walked away, taking you to the steps. 

“let go of me.” you tried to pull away but his grip grew more firm. “Suguru let go-” he spun you around when you reached the first step pushing you up against the wall. people around stared for a while before going back to minding their business.

“Haibara?” he questioned, his nostril flaring as he breathed. 

“what?”

“i come downstairs cause someone told me you’re looking for me and i catch you fucking with Haibara?”

“why does it matter?” you rolled your eyes. 

“cause it fucking does.”

“but it doesn’t matter when it’s you though, right?”

“what are you talking about.”

“i go upstairs to find you and i see you laughing and giggling with some girl? the same thing with Yari. it’s cool when you do it, right?”

“some girl?” he stared at you for a second before he started laughing. 

“what’s so funny?” he continued to laugh, damn near hunched over now.

“aww, princess.” he stood back up, you glared at him. “you jealous?”

“jealous?” you said incredulously. “why would i be jealous of anything you do?”

“that was Ieiri, princess, my best friend.”

“oh…”

“yeah and i told you i don’t like Yari.”

“you don’t act like it.” was your quick reply. 

“ok.” he stepped back. “go upstairs.”

“for?” he stepped back into your personal space. 

“go upstairs, when i get up there i want you sitting down in just that pretty little set i know you have on for me.” he whispered in your ear. your face felt like it was on fire. 

“i- i don’t have on a set.” 

“i know you do, princess.” he walked away, going to the kitchen, before he passed the threshold he looked back to you, raising his eyebrow at you. you turned around and walked up the steps, going straight to his room. once you entered, you contemplated for a second, would you really do this? yes. you took off your shirt first, letting it fall to the floor, you fixed the cups of your pretty bra before unbuttoning your pants. you let them pool around your ankles before kicking them off. you sat on the bed, tucking your legs under yourself and placing your hands on your knees. you sat there for maybe two minutes picking at your thumbs. the door opened and you jumped a bit.

Suguru entered with two water bottles in his hands and something wrapped up. he smiled when he saw you sitting so prettily on his bed. you stood out against his dark sheets. the bright pale blue and pinks of your lingerie contrasting with his dark gray bedspread. “you look so pretty like that.” he sat the things in his hands down and walked over to you, cupping his hand under your chin and tilting your head up. he ran the pad of his thumb along your bottom lip, pulling it down and then letting it pop back up into place. he leaned down, pressing a kiss to your lips, it quickly grew messy, “open.” he murmured against your lips. you parted your lips, looking up to him with wide eyes. he let a glob of spit from his mouth fall into yours. “swallow.” he watched your throat bob up and down, you could taste the fruit punch he drank earlier. he tasted sweet. “sit back and spread your legs for me.” you looked up at him as he stood back up, leaning himself against his dresser. “you gonna do it or do i have to make you?”

you crawled up to his headboard slowly on all fours, he watched you, his cock twitching in his pants as he watched you ass sway side to side. he cleared his throat as you settled against his pillows. you spread your legs for him, watching him from across the room. “what do you want me to do?” you asked in a whisper. 

“i want you to fuck yourself on you fingers like you do when you think of me.”

“i-”

“what?”

“i don’t think of you.”

“come on, princess, we both know you do. why else would you get your panties in a twist when you see me with another girl?” you sighed, looking down at yourself. “pull those pretty little panties to the side and spread yourself open on your fingers.” 

“ok.” you whispered. your fingers twitched nervously, not sure what to do with him staring at you. 

“just pretend i’m not here, pretty girl, it’s ok.” you nodded your head. everything around you was so irrecoverably him, the sheets were soft against him and smelled like him, so warm. if you focused hard enough you could hear his breathing from across the room. closing your eyes you began to slowly trail your fingers down your body, hyper aware of your own touch. you dragged your fingers back up your stomach and to your chest, cupping your boobs through your bra. “take it off.” you obliged, quickly unclipping the offending garment and letting it fall off the side of the bed. “fuck.” you could hear the sound of a zipper and some shuffling. pinching your nipples you let out a soft sound, tweaking both of them between your thumb and forefinger. letting one hand trail down your body again, you dragged it down and began to run circles over your clit on top of your underwear. 

“Suguru.” you moaned softly. he groaned at the noise. you slipped your hand into your underwear, the stimulation sent sparks up your spine. dragging your fingers down to your hole, you circled it before slipping your middle finger in. you could hear a wet noise coming from where he is and the idea of him pulling on his cock to your fingering yourself pulled a moan out of you. slipping another finger into yourself, you moved them faster, the pads of them rubbing against your walls. 

“go faster. wanna hear it.” he panted. wanted to hear it..? oh. oh. he wanted to hear the sound of your wetness as you fucked yourself. your back arched as you fucked yourself faster. your other hand continued to tweak at your nipple. you moaned out as you felt your stomach clench.

“Suguru! i’m gonna cum!” your toes curled and you whimpered. you could hear his stuttered breathing and he jerked himself off. 

“let me see, pull your panties down.” he panted. your hand quickly moved to tug the gusset of your panties to the side. Suguru watched your fingers move in and out of you. his dream was finally coming true, the one girl he wanted was splayed out on his bed, fucking herself on her fingers, moaning out his name. his orgasm was building up quickly, he was going to bust everywhere from just watching you. you clenched around your fingers, mouth dropping open as you orgasm washed over you. you arched off the bed, moaning Sugurus name over and over again. he watched as you came, the way your essence dripped around and seeped through your fingers, how your chest raised and fell as you breathed heavily. Suguru groaned as he played with his tip, thumb running over it and you looked at him when you heard the noise. 

“Sugu,” you whined. “wanna see you cum,” his jaw dropped and a small noise escaped his lips. “please.” he came all over his hand and the floor. spurts of his cum falling from his tip and he groaned as he came. you’re gonna be the death of him. once he regrouped, he walked over to you, kneeling above you as he looked into your eyes. he grabbed your hand, bringing it up to his lips and taking the two fingers that were just inside of you and putting them in his mouth. you moaned as he sucked on your fingers and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. 

“you taste so good, princess.” your hand fell from his mouth back to your side. “wanna taste for myself, flip over.” you took too long to listen to him so he flipped you over himself. he had you on your hands and knees, back arched for him. he went behind you, watching your pretty pussy drip for him. “fuck.” he whispered to himself. one hand rubbed over your ass as the other pulled your panties down. you kicked them off completely and he sniffed them before dropping them off the bed. “count.”

“huh?” slap! one loud clap against your ass, you yelped out at the initial pain but it eventually turned into a pleasurable stinging sensation. 

“count.” he said more firmly. 

“one,” slap! “two,” slap! “three…” on and on he spanked you again and again. you counted all the way up to eleven before he let up. your ass stung from the spanking but the line between pleasure and pain was blurred. it hurt so bad it felt good. you whimpered when he circled his hands over your ass. before you could recognize what was going on, you felt a stripe being licked from your clit to your clenching hole. “Sugu!” you looked behind you to see him hunched over, sucking harshly on your clit as he spread your ass. another stripe licked up to your hole before he slipped his tongue in, you clenched around it, the cold metal of his piercing contrasted against the warmth of your walls and you swore you saw heaven. you shook as he fucked you with his tongue, falling onto your front your back arched perfectly for him as you pushed back against him. 

the sounds were obscene, you could hear his tongue working against you and him groaning into your pussy. you moaned when he landed another slap to your ass, he gripped and jiggled it against his face. “oh my- fuck!” you squealed. he tongue licked and prodded against your walls as he ate you out. your thighs began to tremble, toes curling as your legs shook. his mouth moved down from your hole to your clit and you felt two of his fingers prodding at your entrance. his thick middle and ring fingers stretched you open he slipped them into you. he sucked on your clit and pressed his long fingers into that one spot inside of you. you whined loudly and he fucked you open on his fingers. “S-Sugu,” you slurred. “Sugu i’m gonna cum..!” you squeaked. he continued to work at you and another orgasm was building up in you. you kicked your feet as you felt your orgasm approaching but this felt different.

the coil in your stomach wound up tighter, you felt a pressure on your bladder and you trembled. you reached behind you blindly, grabbing Sugurus head and tangling your fingers in his hair. you felt him moan against you as you did so. “Sugu s-stop, i’m gonna pee.” you whined. he kept going, he either didn’t hear you or didn’t care but either way, he wasn’t gonna stop. “Sugu, wait!” he sucked harder at your clit and pressed his fingers into your g-spot. your toes curled as your back arched and you screamed out. your eyes rolled to the back of your head and all you saw was white. all you felt was your body shaking and wetness dripping down your thighs. your legs trembled at the earth-shattering orgasm and you whined and trembled at every touch you felt. Suguru moaned and groaned behind you, getting absolutely soaked as you squirted all over him and his bed. “Suguru!” you cried out, your feet kicked as he kept going. 

“one more, just give me one more princess, i know you can.” you sobbed as he went back to sucking on your clit. another orgasm was building up quickly, your entire body shook as he sucked and prodded at you.

“Suguru,” you cried out. “i can’t.”

“yes you can, i know you can.” he muttered against you. tears were streaming down your face, you shook and trembled with every pass of his tongue. your one hand gripped his hair as the other gripped the sheets. the next orgasm came quickly and you cried out as it took over your body. his bed was almost completely soaked through because of you. the essence of your orgasm streaked down your thighs. he let go of you, sitting back on his knees and your body relaxed. you fell against the sheets, they stuck against your body because of how soaked they were. he watched you take deep breaths, your body slowly calming down. you could feel some shuffling behind you and hear the sound of fabric ruffling. you felt the weight of the bed shift, Suguru leaned above you, trailing kisses up your spine.

you felt his weight against your back as he laid on top of you. he kissed and licked at your neck, breathing into your ear. he took all his clothes off, he laid completely naked on top of you, his bare chest pressing against your back. you could feel everything, every outline of his abs against your back, you could also feel his cock pressing into your ass. grabbing his dick he ran his tips through your folds, collecting your wetness and smearing it along his cock. he pushed your left leg up, spreading you open for him and lifting your ass up so he could slip in easily. he pressed his tip into you, slowly slipping in your walls. you whimpered as you felt him throb within you. “oh, fuck.” he sighed. “you feel so fucking good.” he moaned, resting his head in your neck. you pushed back against him, pressing your ass flush against. he whined into your neck, “you’re gonna kill me.”

“move, please.” 

“i can’t.” you got a flashback to the first night he fucked you. “i’ll cum.” 

“please, Sugu. please.” you begged. 

“ok.” he nodded, “ok.” he thrusted once and whimpered. he built up a steady rhythm, small noises fell from his lips as he fucked himself into you. “so fuckin’ tight, you’re so fuckin’ tight.” he fucked into you harder, the sounds of skin on skin bouncing off the walls of his room. “so much better than those other girls.” your body jerked and you looked behind you. “don’t worry princess, i’m not saying it to make you jealous.” he chuckled. “never had somebody like you, so fuckin perfect. you’re perfect y’know that?” when you didn’t respond he stopped moving. “answer me.”

“yes daddy!” you whined. his eyes crossed and his cock twitched deep within you, he never thought you were one to call somebody daddy, never took you as the submissive type at all. he leaned down over you. 

“good girl.” he groaned into your ear. “good fucking girl.” he started moving again, fucking you deeper. his tip nudged your cervix each time from how deep he was and the pain added to your pleasure. you were damn near fucked dumb, any train of thought you had completely gone, all you could focus on was Suguru fucking you. you tightened around him, your orgasm building up in your lower stomach. “fuck, are you close?” you nodded your head. “you gonna cum for me, princess? make a mess all over me, yeah?” one hand trailed down your body, fingers playing with your clit and pushing you closer to the edge. you gripped the sheets hard, you swore you could hear the seams ripping. 

“i’m gonna cum, Sugu!”

“hold it.” you shook your head. “you can hold it for me, i know you can.”

“i can’t, i can’t!” you sobbed. “i can’t, daddy, i’m gonna cum, please let me cum.”

“i said ‘hold it,’ right?” your body tensed up completely, your legs locking around Suguru from behind. before you could stop yourself, you were creaming around him. you cried out as you came, eyes crossing and rolling to the back of your head. you squeezed so tight around him he almost slipped out. he groaned as you clenched around him, his face was completely red, eyes hooded as he watched you cum around him. “i thought i told you to hold it.”

“i couldn’t do it.” you sniffled. “‘m sorry daddy.”

“aww, it’s ok baby.” he tucked some of your hair behind your ear, looking at your face. tears stained your face, mascara running down your cheeks, he smiled at you. 

“want you to cum, daddy. want you to cum in me.” he groaned at your words, his cock twitched violently inside of you. he completely covered you, laying on top of you and matching his body up with yours. his arms wrapped around you, pulling you flush against him. he began thrusting into you again, building up a fast pace, chasing his own orgasm. 

“i’m gonna cum, right in this pretty little pussy and you’re gonna hold it all inside you. then, you’re gonna walk around the house with it all in you, let everybody know that i did it, let everybody know i’m yours.” let everybody know i'm yours. he wants to kill you. his pace began to falter and he gave a couple of more thrusts before stilling above you. he moaned into your ear, quieting himself by biting your neck. you felt him fill you up, rope after rope of his cum filling you up. you moaned with him, another orgasm taking over your body. Sugurus' body twitched as he came, he sighed out as his orgasm finally passed over him. he relaxed into you, falling on top of you. 

“you’re heavy.” he laughed at you, sliding out of you and laying down next to your side. you turned your head to face him, he was already staring at you with a small smile on his face. “what?” your voice was hoarse. 

“you’re so pretty,” he said quietly. you looked down before looking back into his eyes. 

“thank you.” you whispered. he got up quickly, pulling on his boxer briefs, you sat up, covering yourself with your arms. “where are you going?” 

“nowhere.”

“are you leaving?” you asked shyly. 

“no, Y/N/N, i’m not leaving.” he walked over to his dresser, grabbing the two water bottles and whatever was wrapped up in the foil. making his way back to the bed, he sat down next to you. “here, drink something, it’ll help your throat.” he opened the water bottle for you. you took it from him and sipped from it slowly. he unwrapped what was in the foil - a sandwich. “eat this.” you took the sandwich from him and ate it. he watched you, he turned over to his nightstand - it was then you noticed the dragon tattoo displayed on his back - he grabbed some wipes and began unpacking them. he wiped the smeared mascara off of your face and wiped some crumbs from the corner of your mouth. “can i?” he gestured to you. you raised an eyebrow at him. “wipe you?”

“oh, you don’t have to.” 

“yeah but i want to.” 

“ok.” you laid back and opened your legs for him, he got in between them with a new new wipe. 

“can you push it out for me?”

“thought you wanted me to keep it all in.” 

“just do what i say.” he looked up at you, he looked so good between your legs like this, you’ll have to get him between them like this again. 

“yes, daddy.” you rolled your eyes. sighing, you tried your best to squeeze all of his cum out of you. he watched it flow out you in thick globs.

 “fuck.” he leaned down, licking at you quickly.

“Sugu!” your thighs closed around his head. “don’t do that. ‘m sensitive.”

“sorry, princess, you just look so good.” he smirked at you. he cleaned you up gently, getting up and searching through his drawers for a shirt and passing you one of his old gray tees. he picked you up and carried you out of the room, you hadn’t even noticed the party had stopped. carrying you to the bathroom and setting you on the sink he grabbed an extra toothbrush and any other thing he thought you would need. “i’m gonna go change the sheets real quick. you can come back to the room when you’re done.” he pecked your lips before exiting the bathroom. you got ready to go to bed, brushing your teeth and washing your face. you dried your hands and left the bathroom. you trekked back into his room, there he sat on the edge of it, scrolling on his phone. he put it down at his side and gestured for you to come over to him. when close enough he grabbed your hips and pulled you to him. 

“did you um- did you dry the wet spot?” you asked, embarrassed. his hands rubbed up and down your thighs. your own hands played with the hair at the nape of his neck, his bun was looser now, more hairs framing his face. 

“wet spot?” he looked behind him. “oh.” he laughed. 

“what’s so funny?” you froze.

“waterproof liner.” you looked at him questioningly. “spilled some shit on my bed once, couldn’t get the stain out so i bought some waterproof liners. do you want to lay down?”

“um, no.”

“why not?”

“cause i should go. y’know, it’s late and i don’t want my roommate-”

“you don’t want to stay here.”

“what? no. that’s not- i’d love to stay.”

“so why don’t you?”

“cause i don’t want you to get tired of me.” 

“tired?” you looked down awkwardly.

“i know how this goes, Suguru. i don’t want to stay only to be embarrassed later.”

“i wouldn’t embarrass you-”

“you can’t promise me that.”

“yeah, i can. do you- do you not see how much i care for you?”

“care?”

“i don’t want anybody the way i want you. never have. you make me… you make me feel good.”

“oh-”

“not like that. yeah, you make me feel good.” he chuckled. “but i just, i don’t know, i like the way you look at me.”

“how do i look at you?”

“like you care for me too. i like that. it makes me feel like i mean something.”

“everybody thinks you mean something.” you rubbed at his scalp and he felt shudders down his spine. 

“yeah but it’s different. everyone cares cause they think i can do something for them, y’know. it’s fake but when it’s you, it feels right.” your face burned at his words and you looked down shyly.

“oh.” you giggled. 

“oh?”

“i didn’t think you liked me like that.”

“why wouldn’t i?”

“cause you’re mean.”

“i am. i’m sorry.”

“you’re sorry?”

“yeah, i just, i didn’t know how to tell you i like you.”

“so you were practically a bully?”

“i guess.” he shrugged and laughed. 

“how backwards is that?” 

“i’ll have you backwards.” he smirked. 

“what does that even mean?!” you laughed. 

“wanna find out?”

“huh-” before you could finish, Suguru wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you down to the bed next to him. you fell in a fit of giggles and he laughed along with you, silencing you with a kiss. the rest of the tight was spent with shared laughter, kisses, and fingers tangled together. it felt nice, you weren’t used to this side of him. he fell asleep before you, his head resting on his own pillow while one arm stayed on your stomach. you stared at him, watched his eyes flutter under his lids and the way his lips parted as he breathed. you tucked some hair behind his ear and pressed a kiss to his cheek, snuggling into his side, you let sleep overtake you and it may have been the best sleep you’ve gotten in a while. it just felt right to be in his arms. 

----------------

for the next week you were either in Sugurus' room or somewhere out on the town with him. he kept you fed, hydrated, and full of dick. there were marks up and down your body from him, bites, hickeys, scratches, you had them all. all the brothers of his frat gave you a knowing look whenever you left his room, always in one of his shirts. when he took you out, Suguru made sure to always take you to places you’d never been before. which was pretty easy seeing as you spent most of your time cooped up in your dorm or in the rink. you’d found a new favorite diner, they had the best fries and milkshakes. the first time Suguru had watched you dip your fries into your vanilla shake, he stared at you in disgust. you’d forced him to try it, he had a whole fit before you stuffed his mouth with the fries. he shut up after a while and agreed that it wasn’t that bad, he wouldn’t tell you he actually liked it.

eventually Satoru had found out when he just walked into Sugurus room only to find him balls deep inside you. Suguru yelled at him to get out, throwing a shoe at his head. Satoru quickly slammed the door but not before he let out a wolf whistle at the sight. you were mortified, vowing to never show your face to Satoru again. that was in vain as the next morning at breakfast he had walked into the kitchen and stared at you for a while before exiting and making his way back upstairs. Suguru made sure his best friend would never mention it to you again, knowing how embarrassed you felt to be found in such a vulnerable position. 

you sat in Sugurus bed scrolling on your phone while his T.V played a random show in the back. he laid next to you asleep, tired from running around from errands all day. he stirred awake, rubbing at his eyes and looking at you. “g’mornin’.”

“Sugu, it’s one p.m.” you snickered. 

“oh. good afternoon.”

“hi.” you giggled. “do you wanna-” there was a knock at the door. Suguru went to get up but you grabbed his bicep. “i got it, lay back down.” you went to open the door. turning the knob, a familiar voice broke through the threshold before you could get it all the way open. 

“Geto, have you seen Satoru-” Bri paused as she stared at you. “no fucking way.”

“oh. hey Bri.” you chuckled awkwardly. 

“you’re such a fucking hypocrite.”

“what?”

“i can’t see Satoru but you can fuck his best friend.” the anger was obvious on her face. 

“i didn’t- i don’t-”

“are we fucking serious right now? you’re gonna lie about it. i thought you were a bitch but this is low even for you.”

“i- i never told you you couldn’t see Satoru and we’re not just fucking-”

“just shut up. you practically shouted how much you hated the idea of me and Satoru together. were you jealous? is that what it was? you were mad because i actually had him and you wanted his best friend? when he’s over you next week, don’t come fucking crying to me.” Suguru jumped up from his bed and stormed over to the door. 

“watch your fucking mouth when you’re taking to her.” your breathing stuttered and tears built up in your eyes. “no ones fucking jealous of you, i don’t even know why she’s friends with someone like you. Satoru doesn’t fucking like you, he told you that but you keep coming back here cause you think you can change his mind. let me tell you something, no matter how many times you fuck him, it’ll never change.” he stepped closer to her. “all he sees you as is something to nut in, that’s all everybody sees.” her eyes flickered all over his face. “go some fucking where before you embarrass yourself.” he slammed the door in her face and turned around to you. he saw the tears falling down your cheeks and immediately pulled you into him, wrapping his arms around you. “i’m sorry. i don’t know what her problem is, she was out of line.”

“it’s fine. she’s right.” you sniffled out. 

“how is she right?” he pulled away from you. 

“i am a hypocrite.” you cried. “i told her you and Satoru are dicks and then she finds me with you. it’s wrong.” 

“hey, hey.” he cupped your face and made you look up at him. “it’s not wrong, you’re right, me and Satoru are dicks but that doesn’t mean she can just talk to you like that.” you looked down to the floor, closing your eyes. “look at me. she’s the one whose jealous. she’s jealous because she knows Satoru doesn’t like her and you’re here with me. she wants to be you, that’s it. don’t listen to her, ok?”

“ok.” you whimpered. 

“how about a nap, yeah. sleep and when you wake up we can get milkshakes and fries.” you nodded and let him pull you down to the bed. 

----------------

it took a while for you to cheer up after the situation with Bri. Satoru had stopped talking to her completely after Suguru told him what happened, he’d even apologized for letting it happen when it wasn’t his fault at all. now, you sat on the sides of a rink at a major competition. the TMTC figure skating team had won a spot in a regional competition, schools from four different states were coming to compete and whatever team won got a grant of 7,000 dollars to use to upgrade their schools ice skating rink, an unnecessarily large trophy that sat in a glass case across the rink, and the chance to go to nationals. your team had won the spot at the competition a while ago after winning gold against Kyoto college. while you belonged here, it was proven in the way you participated in the last comp, you were deep in your own head.

you made the team practice non-stop to ace the choreography, making sure everyone was on their a-game. you sat on the bench with your hands on your knees, hands tucked under your chin and one of your knees bouncing up and down. you were nervous, you’d never performed in such a large stadium before, let alone in front of so many people. 

Suguru sat in a chair not too far from the rink, close enough to see your features and how nervous you were. he wanted to go out on the ice and hold you, tell you it was ok and he knew you would win because he did. you got this far, you carried your team all the way to this comp, he had no doubt in his mind you would bring gold home. he hoped you knew that as well. your team was up next, two already went before you. it was your time to get ready and you led the team to the locker room. everyone was lacing up their skates in silence, the nerves bouncing off all the girls. once you finished tying your skates you stood in front of them all. 

“guys.” you started. “i know i’m not really good at the whole encouraging speech thing but i just wanted you all to know that i’m proud of us. we got all the way here, we made it this far because of our hard work. i don’t want y’all to put too much pressure on yourselves. no matter what we all joined this sport because we love it and it’s fun. we can have fun tonight, don’t let some competitions take the joy out of this. whatever happens tonight, whether we win or we lose, it’s fine. i won’t say i wouldn’t be disappointed if we lost but we got here. we worked our asses off and proved we belong. so when we go out there, i want y’all to show everyone who we are. we’re not just the TMTC figure skating team, we’re girls who all have our own personalities and joined this sport for different reasons. show them that.” everyone clapped and smiled fondly at you, standing up and huddling around. they called for your team on the loud speakers. “alright, this is our time, don’t take it for granted.” 

the team left the locker room and you headed out behind them. you all lined up along the ice and waited for your que. the song you had chosen began to play and one by one the line began to disperse. following the choreography you had come up with, the dance started slowly. every girl skated out into a step sequence, their movements following the tempo of the song. the music began to speed up and so did the moves, excluding you there was an even amount of girls on the team, so you paired them in twos. two girls were assigned to each other and executed the choreography together. they did a combination of moves supporting one another. you skated through them, sometimes grabbing onto their waists as they spun around to spin with them, crouching down onto your knees and tucking your head into your shoulders. 

the music became louder, the beat progressing and each of your moves becoming harsher, more restricted to display the emotion of the dance. you skated on one leg, through four of the girls, you placed one of your legs down, turning the move onto an upright spin and once you began to spin faster, two sets of hands grabbed your waist stopping you. your turn stopped abruptly, just as you stopped you broke free, skating away from them and towards one wall, just as you reached it, you fell to your knees, turning on them as the rest of the team approached you. they covered your body completely, all of their hands reaching to grab some part of you and just as they moved and light broke through the makeshift cover they made over you, they hoisted you into the air. not too high to the point you’d land dangerously, but enough so you landed and turned, one foot poured out behind you and hands displayed in front of you for balance.

the girls began skating to you quite fast, their moves harsh as they came at you, just before they reached you, they stopped. clasping hands and beginning the next part of the choreo you taught them. while everyone was distracted by their dance, you snuck off into a corner, sitting and waiting for your que. you sat for a minute before your que came up. the girls were lined up once again, like they were when the dance started. they all had their backs turned to you. the music grew again, reaching its crescendo. skating to them, one by one from each row they all turned to you, skating faster and lifting one leg in the air, you held your hands out behind you. bringing that foot back down and jumping, you turned in the air and landed on the opposite foot, now skating backwards, body swaying side to side. 

just as you saw the tip of someone’s skate just in your view - strategically placed for you - you brought that leg back down again, pushing yourself forward off the tip of your blade and turning around, you headed for the gap between the girls split directly in the middle. you began to spin again just as you reached the gap some of their hands began reaching for you but stopping the turn, you came to a full hockey stop, falling down into position for a hydroblade. four girls behind you fell dramatically onto another while others began to turn into a sit spin. you laid with your chest pressing against the floor, rising and falling into the ice as you panted. the music stopped abruptly, the rest of the girls falling out of their sitting spins onto the floor as well and for a second all there was was silence. all you could hear was your own breathing before the stadium erupted into loud cheers. claps could be heard all throughout the stadium, whistles and the thumps of people’s boots and sneakers as they jumped. 

relaxing and getting up from the ice you turned to the team, everyone was looking around the stadium at all the people clapping for them. from across the arena, Suguru yelled for you. he clapped so hard his hands were red. “that’s my fucking girl!” he goaded, he was so proud of you he felt like his chest could burst. he whooped and yelled for you as you and the team headed back to the locker room. he stood out against everyone else, 6’3” frame wearing all black with jet black hair cheering for some girl on a team wearing a bright pink tutu, it was almost comical. you and the team got undressed in the locker room, all dressed in TMTC tracksuits. you skated back to the rink to sit back on your assigned bench. there are three more teams after you. you had to sit through all of them before the results came in. 

the teams after you were so good, you clapped and cheered for them when they finished and it was finally the end of the night. the panelists had called for all teams to come stand in the rink as they announced the winners, the announcements began. people from within the stadium voted on who they wanted to win on the website on their phones, they picked who they thought belonged in first, second and third. the victors for second and third were announced and you let your head hang. you had at least expected third, your performance wasn’t like others, it took a more aggressive approach rather than the usual gentleness of figure skating. maybe you should have stuck to what you knew. preparing for the disappointment of a loss, you began slowly backing away from the team. 

“and the first place winner for this year's regional competition is…” silence overtook the audience. “Tokyo Metropolitan Technical College!” you paused, not exactly sure if you heard him right. the crowd broke out in applause, cheers damn near breaking the sound barrier. your team was already at the man with the trophy’s side. they watched you before they all yelled at you to come get your trophy. you skated over to them quickly, Reí held out the trophy for you to grab and as you took it, you fell to your knees. you cried as you held the trophy. the team stood over you, rubbing your back, thanking you for leading them this far. you cried harder.

leaving the large stadium with the large trophy on your hand, everyone behind you was yelling out proudly. some stragglers from the crowd congratulated you as you left. once you got to the parking lot, you saw Suguru leaning against his car. you tried your best to run over to him, placing down the trophy and crashing into him. his arms wrapped around you and lifted you into the air, your feet left the concrete and you wrapped your arms around his neck. “you did it.”

“i did.” you sobbed, so proud of yourself. 

“i’m so proud of you. i knew you were gonna win.” you cried into his neck. “you did so good pretty girl, you were the best.”

“you’re just saying that cause you’re fucking me.”

“no.” he placed you down, making you look at him. “that’s not why.”

“then what, Sugu?” he stared at you for a second before he turned around and opened his car door, grabbing something and hiding it strategically so you couldn’t see it. once he turned back to face you his ears were bright red and he huffed out a breath. 

“Y/N L/N, will you do me the amazing honor and accept me as your boyfriend?” from behind his back, he pulled a beautiful bouquet of purple and white flowers. your jaw dropped and you looked between him and the flowers. “you gonna answer?”

“yes!” you wrapped your arms around him again. holding him close to you. you pulled back and pressed a messy kiss to his lips, tongues and teeth clashing. “you’re so corny.” you whispered to him. 

“what can i say? you bring it out of me.” you laughed together. eventually he led you to the passenger seat, buckling you in and pressing kisses to your face. you stared at him as he got in the car. fondness all over your features, how lucky could you have been?

----------------

two months later you found yourself in the spot where everything started. back in the now improved locker room of your school, lacing up your skates to head to the ice. Suguru was waiting for you outside, sitting down staring out to the floor. approaching him from behind you tapped his shoulder. “come on.”

“what are we doing here?” 

“just come on.” you rolled your eyes. grabbing his hands in your own, you began to walk backwards to the ice, watching him watch you. now on the rink you pulled him closer to you, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him towards you. 

“what are we doing here?”

“why are you complaining?”

“cause,” he whined. “i wanna go back to my room and watch movies with my favorite person.”

“and who’s your favorite person?”

“Satoru.” he deadpanned, you hit his shoulder. 

“be serious.” he let out a hearty laugh. 

“ok but what are we doing here? it’s late.”

“you remember that one night you told me if i let you teach me the hockey stop, i could teach you one of my own moves?” he groaned and let his head fall back. 

“i thought you forgot about that.”

“i did.” you shrugged. “‘till i didn’t.”

“do we have to?” he pouted. 

“yes, now stop being a baby. it’ll be easy, i promise.” you led him to the middle of the rink and let go. “ok, watch me.” you began skating away, once far enough you put one leg out. eventually putting it down you turned back to your boyfriend. “easy, right?”

“sure.”

“now you do it.” he began skating forward but as soon as he put his leg up, he stumbled forward, quickly catching himself. you crouched over laughing. 

“it’s not funny, Y/N/N.”

“yes it is.” you laughed even harder, he huffed. “ok, ok, i’m sorry, try again.” he kept trying, sometimes stumbling. he complained a lot along the way, asking if you two could just leave. you wouldn’t let him give up, you kept pushing until he finally got it. 

“was there a point to this?”

“of course.” you skated from your spot to him, grabbing him and pulling him along with you. beginning to gain speed, you pressed your back to his and placed his hands on your waist. you leaned forward, kicking your leg out as you skated, Suguru watched and knew what you wanted him to do. he did just the same as you, your bodies lined up together and you skated around half the rink like that. putting your leg down to stop you looked at him. “see, i had a point.”

“yeah but my point is better.”

“you didn’t even make a point.”

“yeah i did.”

“then what’s your point?”

“this.” he grabbed your jaw between his hand and planted his lips on yours. he parted your lips with his own and slipped his tongue into your mouth, you moaned around him. cupping the back of your head, he slowly inched you down until you were both lying on the floor. he kissed from your mouth to your neck, unbuttoning your shirt slowly, he trailed his fingertips along your body. his hands ran along the hem of your skirt before he slipped it under the garment. his finger circled your clit and slid down to your entrance. he circled it and felt you flutter before he slid one into you, you moaned when he entered another. you were so wet, soaking his entire hand as he fucked it in you, he stopped just as you felt your orgasm approaching. 

“hey!” you whined at him. 

“i know, i know. i’ll make it up to you.” he began suckling small marks into the skin and trailing them down your body. leaving kisses down your body as you heaved at the affection. he licked into your belly button before looking at you. “you’re so pretty.”

“you tell me all the time.”

“just making sure you know.” he leaned down to unlace both your and his skates and threw them somewhere across the rink. his hand slithered up your thigh and he gripped the stockings you were wearing under your skirt. “these are so dumb.” before you could reply, you heard the loud rip of the fabric.

“Suguru!” you yelled at him, “i have to wear these out of here!”

“it’ll be fine.”

“they’re my favorite pair.” you pouted. 

“i’ll get you some more, ok?”

“fine.” he moves down your body once more, now coming face to face with the wet spot on your panties. he ran his finger over and pushed into your hole slightly, collecting more wetness on the fabric. he pulled your panties to the side. he breathed against your skin, your pussy fluttering as you felt it. he licked your clit, his piercing running over it quickly. he dove straight into it. wasting no time he began eating at you like a man starved. your back arched off the ice, fingers tangling in his hair, you pulled on it roughly and he moaned into you. you guided his head up and down in you, his tongue dragging over your clit, his piercing rubbing over it. he looked up to you and the sight above him was beautiful, your mouth was dropped open and your chest was arched off the floor. one of his hands began to run circles over your hole, he slipped two fingers in you. you moaned as his fingers rubbed your walls, his tongue piercing rolled over your engorged clit and your voice broke as you cried out his name. 

his fingers began to fuck into you faster and he went from licking your clit to sucking on it. an orgasm was building up quickly and you couldn’t fight it off. “Sugu, i’m gonna cum.” ever since the two of you got together, Suguru spent his time learning your body, learning what made you tick and twitch. your hips began bucking up in his face, his other hand came up to hold you down. his palm pushed you back against the floor, making sure you couldn’t squirm away from him. he sucked on your clit harder, your stomach clenched and your toes curled. “Sugu!” your things trembled and you cried as you came, you shook as Suguru kept sucking, his fingers stilled inside of you pressing into your walls instead.

“give me another.” he murmured softly, he began sucking on your clit again. you panted, gripping his head harder, pressing him more into you. you clenched around his fingers harder and before you could warn him, you were squirting all over his face. he gulped it down happily, drinking from you like he was a parched man and you a fountain. he sat up and smiled at you, your juices dripping from his chin. you sighed as he let up, body relaxing into the floor. “i love it when you do that.” 

“i don’t.”

“why.” he whined like a petulant child. 

“it takes a lot out of me. take your pants off.” he obliged, sliding them to the middle of his thighs.

“you’re bossy,” he joked. 

“you like it.” he nodded his head with a smirk on his face, he does like it, you’re the only person who can put him in his place. he lifted your legs and wrapped them around his waist, his body engulfed yours, wrapping his arms around and you cradling your head as his body bent over yours. he lined his tip up with your entrance. he groaned as he pushed into you, your walls fluttered around him and you took him inch by inch. you turned your head to him searching for his lips. “Sugu.” you whispered, he turned to face you and you pressed your lips to his. he began thrusting into you, your lips moved against each other, you sucked on his tongue and his eyes rolled back. his moan vibrated through your head, you took the ball of his piercing into your mouth, rolling your tongue over it and biting the metal playfully. 

“you’re so big.” you rested your head on the ice, your ass was pressed against it. the tights were ripped around your thighs, your panties pulled to the side rubbing against Sugurus cock as he fucked you. 

“you’re so tight,” he moaned. “fuck, i love you.” your eyes widened. that was the first time he ever said it to you. his thrusts slowed down and grew deeper, he went from slutting you out to fucking you passionately. “i love you.” he pressed his lips to yours, his hand that was cradling your head tangled into your hair, pulling at it to make you look at him. his tongue ran over your lips, opening them and sliding it into your mouth. you took a minute to kiss him back, your eyes stayed open as he kissed you. his pelvis rubbed directly on your clit and your eyes crossed. he cock continuously rubbed your g-spot, his tip nudged your cervix. you panted and moaned into his mouth, he breathed you in, soaking up every sound that escaped your lips. 

“i’m gonna cum.” you whimpered. 

“me too.” the kiss between you two grew sloppy, less of a kiss and more of a combination of tongues and slobber. everything was so wet, your face with his spit, your body with sweat, in between your legs with his precum and your arousal. “i’m gonna cum in this tight pussy, gonna fill you up. wanna watch you grow, watch your stomach get bigger causa me.” you moaned at his words, who knew Suguru Geto had a breeding kink? “tell me.” he bit your lip. “tell me you want it. you want my kids.”

“fuck, i want it.” you sobbed, back arching to his chest. 

“you want it? wanna be a mommy? gonna make me a daddy?”

“yes! gonna make you a daddy, want you to make me a mommy.” you slurred, words stringing together.

“you’re gonna be such a pretty mommy, princess, gonna have the cutest kids.” he lifted his face to look into your eyes. he gripped your chin, making you look at him. “look at me when you cum, keep your eyes open.” you tried but your eyes rolled back into your head. he landed quick gentle slaps to your face “open ‘em.” your mouth dropped open, you tried to tell him you were close but all that came out were garbled words. “i know, pretty girl, you’re so close.” he mocked. “gonna cum all over me? make a mess? let it go.” you cried out as you came, voice cracking from the volume. “there it is, let it out for me.” your legs shook with your orgasm, your back arched and fell with tremors. “i’m gonna cum.” his thrust faltered, one, two, three more before he filled you up. there was so much of it that you swore you could see your stomach expanding with each rope. 

“Sugu, there’s so much.”

“fuck, i know.” it seeped out around him, dripping from you down his balls. he pulled out of you, wincing as the coldness of the rink met his cock. he laid next to you, sprawling out on the ice. “i meant it.” you looked at him. “i know what you’re thinking, i meant it. i wouldn’t have said it if i didn’t.” you sighed with relief. 

“i love you too.” he smiled so wide you thought it would stick to his face. “did you mean the other thing?”

“what? making you a mom?” you nodded. “fuck yeah.” he laughed. “you’d look hot as a mom.”

“Suguru!”

“what?! you would. and i’d get to watch it. getting hard jus’ thinkin’ bout it.” 

“you’re gross.” your face turned up jokingly.

“maybe but it’s more than that. i want that with you, i want kids with you, wanna have everything with you.” 

“i want it too.”

“really?”

“yeah but it might be too early right now.” you turned on your side, laying your head on his chest. “how about… meeting my grandfather next saturday?”

“ok. is he gonna kill me?”

“probably.”

“fuck.”

----------------

THIS TOOK FOREVER!! i was supposed to have this out weeks ago but it's out now! i hope you enjoyed. likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

@shadowthief78 @alittlepuppyslut @leave-rae-alone @sugurusprettygirl @kissyblake-uwu @blubearxy @moonlithavensworld @deanzelly @xxharumixx @httpghostface @enhypen-scholarship @breeziebetty @3xv5s @iwannachokeontojifushiguroscock @ilovemydogsimon @jellyamour @secretanimesimp @literallynothingandnobody @morganadorodo @shiroganekagami @mmeerraa @lunairiki @saccharine-nectarine @deepinballs @boba-is-a-soup @localgaytrainwreck @bootlegroach @r0ses4ndlilies @shoyos-sugarbaby @sativaxc @spam-love @sh0rtccakee @onlypickless @nishii28 @missgab @anastasijaiwaizumi @strawberry-hyacinth @ynmnln @flrdete @megmercury @bforbiblio @hwanin @reinersweiner @childof-iluvatar @toijisdilfdaddy @doniveatry @cursedwings2005 @liaurokodaki @vixensbrainrotts @pillowow @beelzmunchkin @idkkk343 @xoxohyuniin09 @fartzalot @ghostlillah @diiaicar @vampl-sh @bffrrufr @jay-mach @firstwarmdayofbluespring @svtkiss

[meglosthegreat]

So... everyone pretty much hated Veilguard's "secret ending", right? Beyond speculation about the Executors themselves, I haven't exactly seen anyone excited about its presence, and for that matter, haven't seen many people talking about it at all.

The closest way I can describe my initial reaction to it was an immediate, visceral disgust. I think I remember uttering at my screen something along the lines of "Fuck off! What the fuck?! Are you fucking kidding me???" and ever since then I've wanted to put into words exactly why it made me feel that way.

For the 88% of you (according to Steam achievement statistics) who didn't see this ending due to not picking up three very specific codex entries by complete chance, you can watch it here. In short, the clip depicts a mysterious voice who sounds suspiciously like Matt Mercer talking about how a group of shadowy figures has "balanced, guided, and whispered" over scenes of villains from the previous DA games, implying that these shadowy figures have been at least partially responsible for all of the bad things happening in Thedas, towards some unknown nefarious purpose.

Now obviously, this sucks. This is hamfisted, unimaginative writing that simultaneously retcons and re-contextualizes elements from DA's past that absolutely no one thought needed further explanation, as well as being exactly the kind of irritating sequel-bait tactics that people have largely grown tired of these days. But why does it suck so much? Why did I feel such palpable distaste for this scene?

For starters, it simply reeks of entitlement, and a lack of respect towards Bioware's own past games. Remember those villains you loved and thought were compelling? Well, their own personal, very complex and thought-out motivations were really just the Executors whispering in their ears the whole time! Loghain making a difficult and calculated decision at great personal cost for a greater good he truly believed in? Executors. Bartrand succumbing to his own greed to the point that he betrays his only family and devolves into a tragic husk of himself? Executors. Corypheus and the Magisters breaching the Golden fucking City??? Executors.

Ignore the infuriating lore ramifications for a second and consider: what do all of these things have in common? They're all instances of complex character motivation; of people in this world doing things for their own reasons that ended up having massive ramifications. In short, they're not events that can be explained easily in terms of black and white morality. And from what we've seen in Veilguard, the current dev team has a serious inability to work with any story elements that do not have absolute moral clarity: the Venatori and the Antaam are Evil. The Shadow Dragons and the Crows are Good. Any nuance; any potential questioning of this duality is quickly explained away or snuffed out.

And that's exactly what they're trying to do, retroactively, with the rest of the series. Having a hard time deciding whether Loghain was right or wrong? Well, worry not, the Executors are Evil and if they were guiding him the whole time, then what he did must have been Evil too! Grappling with how the plot of DA2 was about the inevitable tragedy of a series of oppressive systems reaching their natural breaking point? Well, wrestle no further, for if the Executors were involved then Meredith and Bartrand must've been Evil, no question! What the Magisters did was definitely Not Great, and what do you know, there were consequences for it that they and the whole world very much did pay for. But if the Executors were behind it all, then it was someone else's fault, some Evil power reaching in and making them do what they did, rather than their actions being the result of a horrific series of power abuses done by actual people.

Which leads me to where my initial disgust comes in. Because in a world which has always had core themes of power and its many abuses, actions that have consequences, and the idea that there are no true higher beings; every horrible thing that has ever been done was done by people, the simple act of putting shadowy figures behind key moments in history completely debases and neuters all of those themes. The whole point of Dragon Age as a series up until this point has been to illustrate the complex relationships people and societies have with power, choice, and morality. To remove that link - to place an external force between those characters and their choices - is to rob the series of any meaning whatsoever.

There is a staggering difference between the messaging of a game that tells you ordinary people are to blame for society's wrongs and a game that tells you a secret shadowy faction of evil forces are to blame for them. The former invites thought about one's own society; it has the potential to be uncomfortable and difficult to reconcile with. The latter assures its audience of the fantasy it is couched in. It gives the audience a boogeyman to be angry at, and in so doing deflects any potential for introspection. And that, I think, is the real point of the scene in question.

In a time where our media has become inundated with bland, unchallenging liberal politics, the idea of "cozy" stories have become a growing trend. These types of stories often sport a broad rejection of complicated themes, painful emotions, and nuance, preferring instead to provide a "safe" place to escape to. And with that "safe" space comes a directive not to engage in critical thinking about a work, and not to draw any message from that work and apply it to the real world. Yet this is exactly where Bioware seems to be heading nowadays.

Veilguard has already been faced with heavy criticism about playing things overly safe; removing anything that might be potentially uncomfortable for the player. And the end credits scene is no different. Don't think about things too hard, it whispers to you seductively, in Matt Mercer's soothingly Evil voice. See? The Bad Guys were behind everything, all along.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

"The True Face" - Mizi's Love for Another Woman

**This analysis is mainly themed around a pretty frank discussion of heteronormativity and misogyny. Please be mindful of that before reading this!**

Oh boy. What a doozy of a comic. What a radical shift to the way I had been reading this story up until now.

It didn't really change the way I saw Mizi as a character, to be honest. What it changed was my perception of the environment these characters grew up in, lending new context to Mizi's actions and motivations.

To summarize: Mizi being queer is a much bigger deal than I'd thought.

[Long post is long, as usual. Full analysis under the cut.]

The hints were there from the beginning that Mizi wasn't entirely oblivious to the cruel nature of their world.

I'm not going to say that she knew the true deadly end awaiting the losers on Alien Stage, because I really don't think that was the case at all. She didn't know Sua was going to be killed. At the same time, I think it was something of a case of "well, what did I think was going to happen?" after the fact. Mizi simply didn't consider it as a possibility, because she didn't want to see it.

I'll come back to this.

While watching Alien Stage, I always did have a certain thought in my head that intrigued me. Love is one of the central themes of the show, namely, the way the cast try their best to love in the only ways they know how. However, due to the structure of their world, the control they're placed under and how the only way they are allowed to shine is on stage as part of a packaged performance, their only metric for what "love" looks like is idolatry.

It didn't seem like it really mattered that much of our cast was queer. I just shrugged and assumed the aliens didn't really care what their pets got up to, so long as they performed well on stage.

This comic turned that on its head.

The scene with the unnamed Anakt Garden boy establishes something very important.

It does matter, actually, that the love is queer.

Over time, the creators have done a careful job of slowly showing us bit by bit of all the different things they are taught at Anakt - we see the music lessons first (checks out; they're being trained to sing, after all), and their mandatory play for "mental health". They have phys ed type competitions. While there is a disturbing element of all of them being essentially brought up as lambs to the slaughter, compared to the stage and to the horrors some of them faced from their guardians, the garden appears a relative paradise.

But the garden is not free of the aliens' control, far from it. Everything is fashioned to train the pet humans and serve some sort of purpose to satisfy the aliens.

We see experimentation and augmentation. We see a form of religion that emphasizes the great pride one should have in fulfilling the aliens' intended purposes for them. We see cloning.

There is another purpose to training "pets" and selecting ones that have particular desirable traits. After all, if you like a particular breed of dog for their hunting abilities, or a particular beautiful coat pattern, you can breed more like it. Io, Till's mother and a "provider", seems pretty clearly kept for that purpose.

I'm not saying that Anakt was for breeding. It's pretty clearly for the stage itself. But that doesn't change the mindset the aliens have taken to the relative "purposes" of biological females and males, and the way that trickles down into the mentality of the kids we see there.

We've seen a recent comic of the Anakt kids at school together, learning things about biology. I had originally assumed that it was focused on vocal training and anatomy pertaining to singing. Now, I suspect, from this unnamed guy saying "You know what they say", that there's a heavy focus on reproduction as well.

So, now love is corrupted two-fold. "Love" is only acceptable in terms of idolatry, or as a biological imperative to mate.

The Anakt kids are familiar with the concept of crushes. A lot of them were revealed to have crushes and have liked each other, as seen in the notes they left each other after graduation. Some of the names are difficult to discern, gender-wise. But I suspect most of these are male-female.

Till's crush on Mizi is "obvious". But Ivan's crush on Till is never noticed, and people continue to confess to Mizi and Sua despite the two always being together and Mizi directly stating that Sua is her favourite person. The boy in the most recent comic does not think anything of Mizi and Sua hanging out and instead fixates on her and Till. I don't even know if Till fully understands. Mizi tells him her favourite person is Sua, but does it occur to Till that her favouritism is born out of a romantic love for her? Does Till even recognize the possibility that Ivan's "weird" behaviour could be because he has feelings for him? I'm honestly unsure. It's very possible he doesn't know.

Another thing that intrigued me from the start: Mizi and Sua are canonically in love. But, just watching the show without knowledge that the creator, Vivinos, is queer, or without some of the comics' background information, a lot of people watching for the first time mistake them for best friends and nothing more. Even in official in-universe interviews, we see this:

They are best friends, of course! That's not in doubt and that's important too. But it's really interesting that even though the aliens were moved by their connection made obvious in the My Clematis performance, it is not called love.

By contrast, while in-universe the obliviousness is much the same, real-life audiences have no issue picking up on Ivan's feelings for Till. Part of this is gender bias (women are expected to be more affectionate with each other), but part of this is presentation. For awhile, I felt a little uncertain about the canon MiziSua relationship being so... understated compared to IvanTill, who get a full yearning song and an onstage kiss to make it completely unambiguous. It's even strange, because Mizi does nothing but talk about how much she loves Sua. But now, I think that's the point.

The thing is, Mizi has been loud about her love for Sua. It's just that no one understands.

What this comic establishes is that Mizi has near constant feelings of being misunderstood and objectified. She is a pretty woman, who is friendly, with a genuine desire to see people happy. Unfortunately, due to the aliens' emphasis on what a woman's role should be with regards to men, with regards to what is expected of her, her desire for friendship is treated as "leading people on", the way many women are accused of being "temptresses" when in reality it is others who read into her platonic expressions of behaviour. No one bothers to actually get to know her as a person, because hardly anyone cares about her beyond a pretty face. Without other female role models to help her understand that this is not her fault, Mizi internalizes this sudden anger at her as somehow her doing, even though she really doesn't get what she did "wrong".

Unlike Ivan, who at least fashioned his own personality to fit in, Mizi was forced to fill in the cracks on a smiley, cheerful, pretty mask that everyone else had decided on for her - because they could get mad at her if she doesn't.

Even though Mizi is naive in many regards, she actually notices something here that none of the rest of them seem to. Sua and Ivan "steal" these precious moments, resigned to never being able to have or keep them. Till is content to find inspiration from afar. These three have been fighting to physically survive in their awful circumstances, so that they really don't question the existing power structures much at all.

But Mizi, misunderstood and hurt by social factors more than by physical ones at this point, has just enough awareness and just enough innocence to question. She's so close to performing as a woman in the way others expect her to. And yet, there's something about her that is just "wrong" enough in the way that gets people (men) mad at her. And she doesn't get it.

She doesn't return his feelings but she does want to be friends. Why is that not enough?

She's already said she loves Sua. Why is that not enough?

She runs away here, still with a smile on her face to try and appease and placate this boy who got violent with her for a reason she cannot understand, even as she cries, clearly scared. This is a fawn response. And it's this that gets warped into Mizi somehow believing that she has made everyone love her or somehow manipulated them. Yes, it is intended for self-preservation. But not from the aliens.

Mizi runs to Sua, seeking comfort and reassurance. Surely, Sua will understand. And personally, I think Sua probably does to some degree. But in this situation, she had just spent a long time with her alien mother preparing for the stage. What's more, she doesn't trust or like many of the other people at Anakt. Mizi says that the boy wasn't a bad person, while Sua says there was "something off about him".

They had also just come off the tail end of an argument. Mizi is content to just make herself be happy now that Sua is here. But Sua cannot "just be happy", and from her perspective, Mizi's apparent ability to just shrug things off and be carefree is hurtful after the experience she has likely just had. Both girls wanted comfort from each other here and did not find it, but Sua makes the really insensitive move of accidentally echoing the boy's words back at Mizi. I don't think Sua meant this to be mean, really. Her collar is green - if anything, I think Sua is sincere about being glad Mizi doesn't get dragged around the way she does. But all the same, a level of resentment does show through, and it doesn't change the fact that this is the last thing Mizi needed to hear in that moment.

It's not really Sua Mizi wanted to hurt. She's definitely angry with her. But that's the thing: Mizi feels safe enough to get mad at and hit Sua. She did not feel safe enough to do that with the boy.

It makes sense now that Mizi was comfortable enough with Ivan to fall asleep on top of him. He was likely the one boy there she wasn't scared of, with full knowledge that he would never be interested in her that way.

And that's what I think Mizi was truly aware of that she pretended to be ignorant of. Not the full horrors of Alien Stage itself, but the emotions and mindsets of the people around her. She's much more understanding of the way people think and feel than she let on, which allowed her to tailor her reactions so that people hopefully wouldn't get so mad at her. If she's just a ditz, then they can't get too mad, right? People would feel bad for getting mad at someone so oblivious, right? She could keep finding comfort and safety and protection in Sua, right? Right?

She's innocent to many things, but when it comes to human beings, Mizi is almost hyper-aware of the way her perceived womanhood puts her in danger, not just from the aliens but from her peers, and the way her love for Sua is not accepted and would not be understood. And by not understanding that, by not seeing the love that was one of the few things she chose to pursue and cultivate for herself, does anyone really know her at all?

The religion they pray to tells them to be honoured to be selected for Alien Stage, and to carry out the purpose they were created for.

Mizi, armed with knowledge of humanity's god before the aliens, but with a naive and innocent hope in her heart due to being shielded from the horror of physical death, defies this assigned deity and chooses a new god in Sua. Her love for Sua is what she sees as the truest part of her - no matter what anyone tells her about what her's and Sua's "purpose" is, that cannot possibly be wrong. Something that brings them happiness and security like this cannot be wrong. She devotes herself to it because it is the one thing that she refuses to appease others over. She thinks this entitlement to her heart and body is "gross". She states it bluntly, many times. Her favorite person is Sua. Her best friend in the world is Sua. Her god, her universe, is Sua, and she chose her.

This changes the My Clematis performance.

We know that Mizi, unlike the rest, was not forced to participate in Alien Stage; instead, it was a choice she made because she wanted to perform with Sua. What initially seemed like a naive desire to share a special moment with her soulmate becomes something much more motivated by Mizi's own desires to have people see her love for Sua in a way that cannot be denied. She wants people to see them together.

Mizi is oblivious to the Stage's true nature, but she is not oblivious to the emotions of her friends. She knows something is wrong with the way Sua is acting about it. She knows the stage carries tension they can all feel. On some level, she knows the two of them are destined to be torn apart.

But she doesn't want to see it, because much like Sua needed her bubble of innocence to survive, Mizi needed her hope that their love could be enough some day. That they won't be torn apart and forced to fulfill some coldly practical or biological prerogative. It's the first duet in Alien Stage history; a brilliant, almost rebellious demonstration that Mizi has just about deluded herself into thinking might actually work to spare them from their fate she sticks her head in the sand about and refuses to acknowledge.

They are going to wear their most beautiful dresses. They are going to sing the most beautiful song for them, a testament to their love and connection. Look, see, aren't we beautiful?

Mizi: "Still, I want to sing and perform with SUA for as long as possible, so I want to win with her, together! I heard that there’s never been a tie in all of ALIEN STAGE’s history… But if we get that tie, then I bet everyone will call us the most fantastic duo to exist in history, right?!"

After this comic, all I can read in this is: acknowledge us.

But then Sua is shot dead in front of her.

Her blood splashes that same cheek where the boy slapped her. Mizi's final hopes are shattered. Worse yet, because she still can't understand why this happened and why everyone keeps getting violent, because her desire to display their love openly got Sua killed, Mizi internalizes the idea that she is the one with something horribly wrong with her - blaming herself for being too frightened to face reality when the rest of her friends had, and feeling like her desperate attempts to people please and hold onto an ignorant hope forced people into dying to protect her. In actuality though, Mizi is not responsible for the way people try to force her to fit an image, and she did not manipulate people into liking her - she's just friendly, and many of the guys read into it, feeling entitled to her because they're boys and she's a girl, and in the face of that, Mizi's established love for another girl is inconsequential.

This adds another layer to Mizi's violent breakdown in round 5. The boy from this comic bears quite the resemblance to Luka. This comic recontextualizes Luka's interactions with Mizi and Hyuna in a really intriguing way.

Luka is a victim. I want to make that clear off the bat. He's heavily implied to be a clone with the least amount of understanding on love and human connection. Off the stage, he is micromanaged to the point of complete and utter obedience - the perfect idol. But on stage, the performance is his to control, and he does so by asserting dominance over his performing partner and emotionally destabilizing them.

Fascinatingly, while everyone else appears somewhat oblivious to the queer love of many of our main characters, Luka appears stunningly aware of it, and is able to weaponize it. Round 5 looks like a wedding. He grabs Mizi and forces her to participate in a distorted version of a partner dance. It was really the perfect way to break her.

In addition to mocking her over Sua's death, in addition to her anger that Sua lied to her and enabled her ignorance, Mizi looks up at Luka and sees what she always feared: a man replacing her beloved Sua and forcing her into a kind of relationship she doesn't want, because "that is the way things are meant to be".

She no longer has anything to lose, nor fear for her own life, so she finally lets all her anger out on him.

Again, Luka is obedient. He's internalized many things: win at all costs being one of them. Do what you were designed to do. It's not really a surprise that he probably internalized these biological notions of what is "natural" too. Whatever his audience wants to see.

This also lends context to this scene. Hyuna is in distress. We know and she knows that Luka's feelings are genuine, but for as long as he acts out the aliens' methods of control, his "love" will only be a prison for Hyuna. He forces himself on her here, likely because... "it's only natural". That entitlement tainting what were genuine feelings between them would be unbearable for Hyuna, who values her freedom more than anything (and this is before even getting into what happened to Hyunwoo).

For Hyuna to rescue Mizi immediately after she lashed out, and for Mizi to temporarily see a woman who embodies freedom in how and who she loves, who is unabashedly loud and courageous while no less damaged, is a huge deal coming on the tail end of Round 5. It's really such a shame the time they had together was so short.

I, for one, am really hoping that Mizi can find her strength in love again, much like Hyuna did, instead of continuing to punish herself through Sua's memory.

[alex51324]

Now, more than ever, we need to be careful about spreading misinformation and rumors

I can guarantee that over the next few months, we'll be hearing about a lot of alarming things going on here in the US. Some of those things will be true, and some won't. (And some will have both true and false or exaggerated elements.)

It's going to be absolutely vital that important information is not drowned out by misinformation, rumors, and ragebait.

That means, when you see something that would be important if true, before sharing, you check whether it's actually true.

In library world, we use the acronym SIFT:

STOP: Don't spread the information, or get caught up in your emotional reaction to it, before you've checked it out. INVESTIGATE: Who is saying it? How do they know? If there are links or sources in the post, do they actually say what the person is saying they do? FIND other coverage: Do an internet search for key details: quotes, people's names, specific locations. If something major is happening, there will normally be a lot of coverage. TRACE claims, quotes, and media back to their original context.

Usually you don't need to do all four things: just STOP and then pick what makes sense from the other three. If you decide to share the information, you can also say what you did--"This is a firsthand account from XYZ protest; it lines up with what the local TV station is saying, but has a lot more details about what the cops did," or whatever.

The more urgent the information seems, the more important it is to make sure it's reliable.

If we're hearing every other day that this or that vulnerable group is in immediate, life-threatening danger--but 49 times out of 50 it turns out to mean Trump rambled somewhere about something which, if actually implemented, could end up having the described consequences at some point down the line--then people aren't going to know the difference the one time in 50 when the danger really is immediate.

Think, here, things like immigration crackdowns, CPS investigations into parents who affirm a trans child's gender, or demands that health care providers report miscarriages to law enforcement. We all know that these are things Trump World talks about a lot and would like to be able to do, in some form. For the sake of the people affected by these topics, we need different ways of talking about, "Here they are, back on their bullshit," versus, "This is a policy proposal for a real thing that could happen," versus, "Holy shit, grab the kids and run."

We cannot go to "Holy shit, grab the kids and run" every time Trump, or someone in his inner circle, decides to bloviate about something that could disastrously affect people lives. The people who are most in danger can't stay at DefCon 5 every day of their lives, and when they do really have to grab the kids and run, we need that alarm to be heard over the constant background hum of dread.

The same goes for action items--whether protests, ways to help, or little things people can do to stay safe/sane. There's going to be plenty going on, and nobody is going to be able to do everything, so do your part by passing along those things that you can vouch are true and important, and skipping the things you aren't sure about.

I'll leave you with an example. Remember how a few years ago, we were all-in about hand hygiene and disinfecting surfaces? And then it turned out that those were not actually very important in terms of preventing the transmission of COVID-19, and what we really need is better air filtration in public spaces--but, at my work at least, we still have canisters of surface-disinfecting wipes sitting around, and tattered old signs up about hand hygiene, and no air filters.

At the time, early in the pandemic, we were sharing the best information we knew about how to stay safe, but people got a little too fixated on that initial advice--remember how people would wipe down their groceries? And those little sticks for pressing elevator buttons?--and then when the advice changed, they didn't want to hear about it.

Distrust, fatigue, superstitious attachment to the old grocery-wiping ways--there were a lot of reasons, but the key thing to take away is that attention, energy, and goodwill are all finite resources. Try to avoid wasting it with grocery-wiping--or worse, shilling for the guy selling little sticks to press elevator buttons with.

[yuurei20]

Dream-world information/rules (by request): interestingly, the dreamworlds are possibly teaching the dreamers how it feels to be Malleus:

Ortho: “It's the dreamers themselves whose imaginations form those happy dreams. Of course, those dreams still have to be made within Malleus's constraints…namely, no negative emotions like sadness or anger allowed.”

And there is someone else who is not allowed to feel any emotions like sadness or anger, lest something terrible happen 🐉

Ortho: "I thought Malleus's dream worlds were designed to provide the target with whatever form of pleasure they wanted...But maybe it's more of a system to remove displeasure the target doesn't want. Sadness, anger, and the like.”

And this is not just speculation, with Sebek and Silver coming to the same conclusion:

Idia: “It's like playing a video game where you start at max level and every enemy steers clear of you. There's no losing and retrying. No trial and error to overcome obstacles. The challenge and payoff of getting good is what truly makes gaming rewarding.” Silver: “In Malleus's case...I think in terms of encountering rewarding challenges, his experience is extremely limited. Ever since he was born…or even before then..he's had enough power to easily trounce even veteran soldiers. Starting at max level and having every enemy steer clear isn't just an analogy for him. I think it's an accurate description of his life.”

Idia follows with:

"If Malleus actually matched Sebek's description and had some unflappable superhuman psyche…we wouldn't be in this mess at all. But nope, this natural-born overlord and walking cheat code experiences the same emotional highs and lows that the rest of us do. That's what I call a glaring design flaw.” “There are times when setbacks and defeats can be contributing factors in reaching a happy ending. Likewise, there are times when successes and victories can be causal factors in a bad ending. No matter how much of a walking cheat code Malleus is, maybe he just doesn't have that level of predictive ability or control. Which leaves his only option being a systematic elimination of all negative emotions.”

Malleus has never experienced setbacks or defeats, so he has no frame of reference for happiness that derives from them.

It is beyond Malleus’ ability to imagine, and we have seen the dreams limited by Malleus’ imagination before: Lilia’s, where Malleus was unable to interfere in a timeline before his own birth.

Silver: "What if Malleus has trouble controlling things he doesn't know about and can't imagine...?"

We are still learning the rules of the dreams as the characters themselves do not understand what is happening and are providing us with information through trial and error, and there is still more, very important information to come on EN (memo: this post will need to be updated📝).

But here are some of the rules!

1. Dreams break down when a happy ending becomes impossible, at which point everything is swallowed into an abyss (hence the name of Book 7 in the original game: Lord of the Abyss)

2. Idia says that once swallowed by the abyss the dreamer can potentially wake up on their own but there is no telling what may happen to foreign elements

(we have possibly seen successful examples of “foreign elements” being swallowed into the abyss and surviving, with both Silver and Lilia having their abysses invaded by others, but Idia has not)

3. The “happiness” in the dreams is superficial, as though following the vague order of “keep dreaming happy dreams,” possibly due to Malleus’ inability to imagine what happiness is.

4. Despite the “superficial” nature of the dreams, Ortho explains that “people’s mental circuity—their hearts and minds—can be surprisingly complex,” resulting in the dreams coming up with creative ways to please the dreamers

(Example: Kalim attending a school that isn’t NRC not because he is unhappy at NRC and Rook dreaming of NRC without Vil not because he wants Vil out, but because they were both avoiding tragedies that happened there.)

5. People who shares lots of memories with a dreamer have a better likelihood of helping them wake up 

6. When a dreamer is about to wake, NPCs will try to keep them inside.

7. It is possible that consuming food in a dream aids in mental recovery

8. It is possible to run out of breath through exertion and feel pain when hit in a dream

9. Malleus is possibly keeping the stronger mages under tighter surveillance than others, with Idia and Vil being constantly attended by their dreams “GM” (human-Ortho for Idia, Neige for Vil)

10. In instances where a real-world source of negativity is too much a part of who the dreamer is to separate them, their absence is likely to cause paradoxes and dream-breakdowns.

The dreams adapt to this by rewriting the source of stress into something less offensive: a bumbling assistant version of Neige who could never hope to rival Vil and a more polite and humble version of Kalim for Jamil.

To Be Continued ♪

[peatbogbody]

oh yunho!

arguably the most enigmatic member of ATEEZ. as others have said, and as i have experienced personally, when you see him your first reaction is "well that certainly is an Idol." he looks like an idol, sounds like an idol. but the longer you look you start to go "....??? HUH?"

he's actually like the definition of hotness and proof it's not all about looks. like of course he's gorgeous but not like absurdly so or in the super striking, supermodel-esque way that certain other members are. but he's got a whole air that's just so effortlessly sexy.

in terms of his role in the group, he's stated himself that he's in charge of bringing the energy to the group, the "yunhogizer" as it were. i was thinking about this and decided i think it's less that he just *brings* energy (though he's very capable of doing that), but more that he has a big role in *setting* the energy level and color, and bringing diverse elements together. in this group, we have many members whose base energy/emotional intensity level they bring to any setting is very high. their "high energy" is chart-breaking and their "low energy" is still pretty intense and stimulating. joong, hwa, san, mingi and woo are all like this (not to say they're boring or one-track, they have many different levels and flavors they just very heavily lean to the more intense/darker side, ) whereas yeosang and jongho's main mode of operation is much mellower (yeosang can be intense and jongho has a lot of power but neither of them bring the kind of manic/demonic energy to music or performance the others do). but ys and jh are not only 2 against 5, they're also almost too contrasting with the other members, so that when paired directly against eachother it can be jarring.

yunho's like an egg binding the dough together. his strength is in his versatility. he can bring the energy and intensity when he needs to, which usually has the effect of sending the whole group's energy up to 11--see the dance breaks in Wonderland or WIN--but is also capable of heart-melting lightness and softness when he wants too--see the choruses in Light or the intro to Utopia. his voice may not be the most distinctive but it's just so pleasant to hear, like a warm hug.

And he can go anywhere in between, especially vocally, so he makes an excellent singer to put between members whose voices are extremely contrasting (when such contrast is not desired for impact). At some point I think I want to do a more in-depth vocal analysis so I won't get too granular here. But ok I'm going to keep going with the egg metaphor not sorry I'm a genius actually. You can beat him and incorporate him as a binding agent, separate him and use his yolk to add richness and flavor or whip him to stiff peaks to make a delicious fluffy cake or meringue. You get it. Yunho is quintessential in setting the tone of whatever ATEEZ is doing at a given moment.

now, off stage....well. on paper his assigned role is "puppy", and to the naked eye he can appear to be some combination of that and Some Guy. and that's not totally inaccurate. he is a verified Male Living Space Owner and ranked Valorant player whose default instagram post type is "boyfriend". but he has a certain je ne sais quoi to him that's hard to pin down. he carries a mischievous glint in his eyes at basically all times. he's suspiciously present in many of the most off-the-wall short-form content (bonus) on ateez's official accounts. he's also, apart from seonghwa, to my eyes the member most at home anytime gender-bending is called for--the boy eats girl group choreo for breakfast and has a blast doing it. but he's *also* capable of going full hype-house tiktokker mode when appropriate.

we love a man of mystery. i will continue to watch his activities closely.

not even touching the ?Catholicism i have zero context for that all i know is he does the crossy-thing in halazia?

yungiiiii! there is SO much to say about them but its too much for me to put in this post but lmk if yall ever feel like making a sandwich someday 😥

p.s. can i just say how pretty his bare-faced complexion is? that is all.

also HANDS i didn't include any pics bc i hit the limit and also i didnt want to kill anybody

next writeup will be about yeosang 🥰

[lee-the-yeen]

Yeen's Blitzwing Headcanons!

Been going nuts about analyzing this big silly bot so here's some HC's

So, to start, I don’t think Blitzwing was one bot split in three, but two smashed together.

Blitz’s Icy face was a seeker, the off-color spaces on his cheeks even being the perfect place for where his theoretical vents would have been.

Hothead was a tanker, and while we get only one example of a “pure” tank cybertronian in TFA in the form of Warpath…

…you can see my vision here, right?

If you go with the ”split” method, no matter which face was the “original”, the other elemental power and alt mode had to come from somewhere.

But if Icy was the jet, and Hothead was the tank, where does Random come in? To answer that, I wanna get into the process of becoming a triple-changer.

The procedure could have been a way to try to make a super soldier, master of the land as well as the sky. Adding on Icy and Hothead’s elemental powers, the resulting individual would, in theory, be an unstoppable force.

If this sounds somewhat familiar, it should. A possibility for how Safeguard exists could be because the Autobots caught intel about the Triple Changer experiments. However, they would have had to make some serious adjustments since canonically, every single attempt to create a Triple Changer has either failed or ended up wildly unstable mentally. Blitzwing might even be in Megatron's inner circle purely because he’s the only “functional” Triple Changer to exist.

My thoughts for how the process goes is that not only are the frames and abilities combined into one, but their minds are combined as well.

Two consciousnesses being forced together, with all their memories and experiences preferably intact (that way your perfect soldier doesn’t have to re-learn to walk and talk), it causes an existential dissonance. Imagine being bombarded with the memories of someone else, and expected by everyone around you that they are yours now.

The resulting existential crisis burns out the processors, offlining the lucky, and maddens whoever manages to survive.

You have to be the cybertronian equivalent of drift compatible in order for it to go even decently well. Blitzy’s components were close, but not there yet.

What spared them the fate of other failed Triple Changers is a few precautions from Blackarachnia. She had the foresight to stick a third, empty processor in Blitzwing’s head to act as a buffer for the huge influx of data, as well as EMP-ing him as soon as the Existential Dissonance was occurring. This wiped the majority of his memories of his life before the procedure, but even all that wasn’t enough.

The trauma of the procedure, being torn apart and put back together again, as well as the Dissonance (whether they remember it or not), it was too much...leading Random to manifest within that empty processor.

Now, what brought me to this conclusion? Time for my amateur psychoanalysis under the cut!

To start, the expected disclaimers.

I am not a psychologist, and I do not claim to be. This whole thing is just for fun, and over-analysis of media I like is a big pastime for me. I also do not have DID, and anyone who does that has objections and/or critiques of my analysis, I fully encourage you to voice your thoughts.

Also, keep in mind that cybertronian brains likely don’t work one-to-one with how humans do, and that there’s no true equivalent to what Blitzwing is in terms of human psychology.

With that out of the way, with these headcanons in mind, Icy and Hothead are not alternate personalities in the psychological sense, seeing as they were once completely separate bots.

But Random is.

Random acts as something of a mediator or moderator for Icy and Hothead, in order to keep them somewhat balanced and working as a team. See the Jet-Tank argument, with him popping up to propose a compromise.

While all three faces can and do hold their own, to me Random especially acts as a protector. Examples being him headbutting Lugnut in ‘Lost and Found’ and his sudden change of trajectory in ‘Velocity’ (Never give up, never surrender, nevermind!). Bringing up the Jet-Tank argument again, he notably pops up while the sirens of the “autobot reinforcements” are getting closer and louder.

As for why Random pops in just to make jokes, humor is often used as a coping mechanism [he just like me fr], and not only did Blitzwing’s components go through the Triple Changer procedure, but millions of years of war. It’s no wonder, really.

And while a lot of Random’s jokes are very much “haha I’m so craaazy”, that feels like it’s more of a cry for help. Blitzwing is hyper-aware of his condition, and self depreciates as a way to cope [he just like me for realllllll :,)].

In conclusion, someone get this mech in Rung’s office, he desperately needs a psychotherapist (cyber-therapist?).

As a side note, something I really like is that, despite the nicknames for his faces in the Almanacs (that I used here mostly for clarity), Blitzwing is just referred to as Blitzwing, no matter what face is up front.

[fuckyeahisawthat]

The Old Guard 2 story structure thoughts under the cut. I'm going to write a separate post about the action sequences because I have more specific things to say about what the first film did well and where I think TOG2 missed the mark.

Yeah, I thought a lot of the new lore was dumb as hell; it raised more questions than it answered and some of the retcons (the birthmark jfc) were very silly. And Discord and Tuah were about as shoe-horned in as I was expecting. (Remember back when many of us assumed Quỳnh would be the main antagonist of TOG2? It seems likely to me that there was pressure to add another A list star to the cast, and I would guess that once Uma Thurman was on board, the whole story bent a bit around her despite her character being...not much of anything at all. Call this the Chris-Hemsworth-in-Furiosa problem if you will.)

But many of these elements could have worked with a stronger script that gave more conscious thought to what it was trying to say in terms of character arcs and themes. The poor writing is most egregious with Nile, because she was a co-protagonist of the first film, and Gina Prince-Bythewood pushed hard to have her journey be central to the film. But really no one had much of a character arc to speak of, so it's not even like Nile's screentime was sacrificed in order to develop another character better. It was just...not there.

(I know I am always the person saying movies are too long, but I really think about 20 minutes is missing from the second act of TOG2. The movie is a skimpy 1:38 without credits. The ending action sequence is very long...but not egregiously longer than the ending of TOG1, which flows beautifully. But there should have been at least one and maybe two more sequences in the second act, which would have made room for so much more character development.)

Even accepting that all the stuff I thought was kinda stupid still had to be in there, it's not that hard to imagine how arranging the story a little bit differently would have made it stronger.

Nile's arc in the first film was about coming to accept her place in this family of immortal warriors--realizing that she was Different, that there was no going back to her old life, and accepting that using her immortality for good sometimes includes doing violence to protect the people she cares about. Nile is the newbie, but it's already implied that she is worthy of being Andy's successor as leader of the team ("next time, you go first.") Throughout TOG1 she is shown to be Andy's equal in determination, stubbornness and bravery, if not in years of experience. Andy is an ancient warrior but Nile was an active-duty member of a modern military; she has first-hand knowledge of how war is organized in the 21st century. She is the perfect person to bridge the transition between past and future.

Andy's arc in TOG1 was about finding her purpose again. At the end of that arc, she becomes mortal, but she has already decided that she wants to keep fighting, setting up a great set of stakes that should have been explored further in a sequel.

In the final fight of TOG1, we know Andy is mortal. She goes into the fight already wounded and bleeding, and we're worried for her the whole time. We see her awareness of her mortality and her decision to push through moments of fear around it to protect her family. We also see the whole team--following Nile's cue--adjust tactics to protect her without ever explicitly talking about it, including taking turns to shield her with their own bodies. It's a beautiful piece of action storytelling.

But throughout the fights in TOG2, Andy's mortality rarely felt like a real danger. We were reminded of it in the laziest way possible--a line of dialogue saying something both characters would already know--but we weren't shown it in the action choreography. In the opening fight she is paired with Copley, the only other mortal person on the team! What's the point of having a bunch of immortal battle buddies if one of them isn't there to be a human shield for you when necessary? (Yeah, Nile looked good af in that boat, but Nile and Copley's positions should have been swapped.)

Given where TOG1 left off, in a sequel, Nile's arc should have been about moving from being the new kid on the team to being a leader. And Andy's arc should have been about confronting the limits her mortality now places on her, and maybe coming to accept that she cannot always be at the front anymore, and that her role in training Nile to some day take her place is purpose enough for her. And then after she accepts that...she becomes immortal again and has to reevaluate everything once more.

If we follow these general arcs, then the first fight sequence should probably have been: Nile is leading the team, but she's not an expert at it yet. Andy is trying to hold back and let the others protect her, but she's not good at that yet either. At some point, Nile makes a mistake or a wrong call, and Andy has to step in and brute-force a solution, reminding us of her unparalleled skill as a fighter, but putting herself at risk in a way that makes everyone else on the team nervous. It turns out fine! But she could very easily have been killed or seriously wounded.

No one is happy about this state of affairs. Nile feels like she's not ready and Andy feels like she's being babied.

In this version of events, I think Andy would go to try to meet up with Quỳnh alone, over the objections of the rest of the team, maybe even sneaking away without telling them. Andy and Quỳnh's reunion is one of the strongest parts of the film, and as much as I like Nile being stubborn about going with Andy, having Nile and Discord in there at the same time ends up being a distraction from the very impactful stuff that's going on between Andy and Quỳnh. Maybe it takes Andy longer to find Quỳnh and the beautiful walk-through-time long take becomes a whole sequence of Andy looking for Quỳnh in their old haunts and remembering the time they spent there.

The whole thing with Nile being able to take away others' immortality could have been done in an interesting way, but they made the wrong narrative choices with it at pretty much every turn.

If you want to do this plotline in a way that gives Nile agency, then I think the solution is that Nile learns this information first, and alone, from Discord. This information needed to be set up way earlier in the story, at least by the beginning of the second act.

Then, back with the team, Nile brings up what Discord said, and here you could have the blah blah "there are legends" stuff etc. But also who knows, this could be bullshit, we don't even really know what Discord's motivations are at this point. Why are we gonna believe some rando who just popped up yesterday claiming she's the oldest immortal?

We could watch the characters work through the same questions and skepticism that we the audience have. What about Lykon? Why did the stab wound Nile gave Andy seem to heal, and it's only later that Andy noticed something has changed? Had Nile not even once nicked Joe or Nicky in six months of training together? (They realize she hasn't; she is pretty new to bladed weapons so they have mostly been training with dummy swords.) These conversations would still be exposition-heavy and you might not totally be able to avoid the Wise Asian Exposition Man problem that Tuah presents, but they could also function as character moments, the way the dinner scene at the Charlie safehouse does.

If Booker is there, he's the one who's like, well there is an easy way to test this out, and volunteers to have Nile wound him. Which she refuses. Maybe this is bullshit, but she's rattled enough that she doesn't want to risk it, and she's not about to reinforce Booker's own sense that he's expendable.

Crucially, Andy is not there during this time and they agree not to tell her anything for now since it's just a theory.

Then, the theorizing gets interrupted by Plot Things, and they have to go off and do some action. Andy isn't there and they all agree that Nile should be the one leading the team. We get space for all her feelings about all of them unhesitatingly trusting her to lead them when she's still not sure she's ready for that and also whether she's immortal kryptonite or not. Maybe they trust Booker enough to come with them; maybe they don't yet and there are feelings about that either way. Tuah could also be there I guess. (If they were going to put Tuah into the final fight I would have loved to see him do...anything distinctive at all. Tuah and Quỳnh having distinct fighting styles favoring different East Asian martial arts and weapons would have been cool as hell!) Or maybe Tuah and Booker are back at the safehouse waiting for Andy and that's where we get the piece of information that immortality can be transferred, setting up that possibility but still making it something only Booker and Tuah know about.

During this mission Nile has another chance to make a crucial call and she gets it right this time; maybe it's a trap and they have to abort whatever they were trying to do but she successfully extracts everyone safely. She saved them all. Their trust in her was not misplaced. Meanwhile, Andy comes back without Quỳnh; Booker and Andy could still have the conversation they do about expiration dates.

Then, the third act. Nile in the lead, confident in her command this time. All of them fighting together, side by side as a team. (God I hated that the choreography of the final fight split them up so much.) Including Booker, who betrayed them. Including Nile, who might kill them all. Including Andy, who's mortal.

They are trying their best to protect Andy. But during the fight she is mortally wounded, and that's when Booker gives up his immortality. He probably does it in much the same way--making Nile cut him "accidentally", and then fighting his way to where Andy is pinned down, wounded, and getting seriously injured himself in the process. So now Andy is healing and Booker is dying, and Andy still doesn't understand why, but Booker gets to die surrounded by his family instead of alone in a hallway at a moment that's not even a turning point in the battle. I'm sure many people still would have hated this plotline on the basis of "suicidal person ends up dying anyway, just finds a way to make it a Noble Sacrifice," and I understand why that leaves a bad taste in a lot of people's mouths. But I do think this is consistent with Booker's characterization. He would have traded his immortality to save his dying son if he could, but he couldn't, and that haunts him. So giving it to Andy still makes his arc a tragic one instead of one about healing and moving past self-loathing and survivor's guilt. But I think it would have felt more narratively earned this way. Booker is the first immortal we know to have died since Lykon! It's a big deal! Ending the movie with the rest of his family not even knowing it happened feels weird and bad!

And then...yeah. There are ways to do an open ending of a middle part of a trilogy where characters in an ensemble are split up that still feel emotionally satisfying. (The Two Towers and The Empire Strikes Back both do this very well.) There are ways to do a last-minute twist ending that also work well. (See: TOG1.) But the end of TOG2 did neither of these, and while I felt like the Andy and Quỳnh part of the story did leave off in a satisfying place, the rest of it was a bit like...wait. That's it??

So I think there could have been a good (or at least...better) movie in there, even burdened with a bunch of elements that wouldn't have been my choice for a sequel. But unfortunately that wasn't what ended up on screen.

[captain-bubble-wrap]

Christmas with Quinny?

"Hey! No peeking!"

"I...wasn't!" Quinn smirked, putting his hands behind his back after getting caught looking into the gift bags sitting on the coffee table. He had been getting antsy about opening gifts with you since he had gotten up. Sometimes he could be a big kid and during the holidays it was so much worse. Good thing he was cute, you always teased.

"You were, too!" You laughed, approaching him, two mugs of steaming hot chocolate in your hands. "Go ahead and open it, if you want! I'm ready."

Quinn would let you take a seat beside him before handing you a small box he had hidden beneath a blanket next to him. As soon as you saw the colour of the box you knew where it had come from. That trademark blue could only mean one thing: Tiffany's!

"Quinn, you didn't!" You didn't know what else to say!

"I may have. I hope it's okay."

Taking the box, you give Quinn a kiss as thanks before seeing just what was inside. "I'm sure you really outdid yourself! I didn't need anything like this!"

"Sure you did," he replied, taking a careful sip of the hot chocolate.

Inside, was a gold ring in a cursive script that read "love". It was dainty, classic, and so very touching. When had he had the time to get you such a gift, you had no idea but words could not express how much it meant to you.

"I love this so much!" You choked out, putting it on your middle finger. "Quinny, thank you so much!"

"You're welcome. I just wanted to get you something you could enjoy everyday." He was smiling like a kid whose mother had put his best artwork on the fridge. Things like jewelry wasn't his forte in buying, and he couldn't lie: he had help from the girls at Tiffany's in picking it out. His mom had actually suggested the famous jeweler when Quinn had confessed he didn't know what to get you. He had picked out some little things like a book or two, but in terms of the big, memorable, post-on-Instagram sort of gift, that's where he had struggled.

"Oh, I'll absolutely wear this everyday! I've never gotten anything from Tiffany's before!"

"Well, I'm glad I was able to get you something new." Quinn scooted closer, pulling your face to his. "Maybe I'll make a tradition of it?"

The kiss was long and passionate. Such a romantic Quinn had turned out to be and you loved being the center of his ever affection. His hands held you tightly, not letting you leave his side until he was for certain that he had expressed just how much he loved you. The ring truly had meaning.

"I have something for you, but not as nice as this, lemme go get it!"

Quinn slowly withdrew his hands, his fingertips trailing against your body as you got up. "If you have you."

"There's no need to pout! I'll be right back!" You headed to the hall closet where way in the back were two wrapped hockey sticks hidden as far back as you could get them. The had been a custom order to the specs of his on-ice sticks, but these had the Canucks colorway elements and a little message engraved where normally his name would go. You didn't care if he used them even once, but what hockey player couldn't use more sticks?

"How did you wrap those?" Quinn asked, arms outstretched to take them from you. "That's impressive!"

"Well, I think I used a whole roll of paper because it was not going well!"

Carefully, Quinn unwrapped the dual-packaged gift and smiled. It was like he had ordered them himself. Now, you had had some help; making a couple phone calls to teammates to snap a picture of his stick specs so you could get them just right. They had to be perfect!

"'Nobody puts my baby in the box!' You're too cute! Thanks, sweetheart." You had thought a long time about what you wanted to have put on the stick shaft. What better than what you always yelled when Quinn was sent to the "pretty boy box" as you affectionately called the penalty box.

"I thought it was pretty fitting," you giggled, excited that he hadn't found the message too cringe.

"They're perfect! Thanks, babe." His smile was so sweet, and his eyes sparkled within the twinkling of the Christmas tree. "I love you."

"I love you, too!" You pulled yourself into his lap. "Should we open the other stuff?"

"Later, right now I just want to enjoy you." Quinn buried his face in your neck as you laughed against the feeling of his facial hair against your skin. An hour would pass before you left the sofa, or maybe it was two... 

[anneangel]

Is Aziracrow Canon?

The weirdest thing is that at the end of the book/and Show S1, we know that Adam has changed elements of reality (there are books in Aziraphale's bookshop that weren't there before, for example), so it seems like Adam has rearranged some things differently. Before the nightingale sings, we are told:

“They went to the Ritz again, where a table was mysteriously vacant. And perhaps the recent exertions had had some fallout in the nature of reality because, while they were eating, for the first time ever, a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square…”.

That is, it could be that Adam, upon seeing Crowley and Aziraphale, rearranged the universe so that something more romantic could blossom more evidently between Crowley and Aziraphale. But this cannot in any way be used to say that they were not in love before, since Adam looked deeply at both of them, back at the air base, and Crowley thought:

“Adam turned and appeared to notice them for the first time. Crowley was not used to people identifying him so readily, but Adam stared at him as though Crowley's entire life history was pasted inside the back of his skull and he, Adam, was reading it. For an instant he knew real terror. He'd always thought the sort he'd felt before was the genuine article, but that was mere abject fear beside this new sensation. Those Below could make you cease to exist by, well, hurting you in unbearable amounts, but this boy could not only make you cease to exist merely by thinking about it, but probably could arrange matters so that you never had existed at all”.

And, then, Adam said to Crowley and Aziraphale too: “"I don't think you need to go worryin'," said Adam gnomically. "I know all about you two. Don't you worry".”

It is also impossible to say that A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square is not an implicit/subtext reference to Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship, since the lyrics make very precise references to elements of the book/show, so it is to be assumed that the song was placed in Aziraphale and Crowley final arc, on book, specifically, and also on purpose.

The show uses the same principle; in the series, the song "Bicycle Race" plays very literally when they run over Anathema, as well as playing "I'm In Love With My Car" very literally in relation to Crowley and his car, so I must assume that it was also literal when they played "You're My Best Friend" when Crowley was going to Aziraphale's bookshop (p.s; this song was written by Queen's bassist, John Deacon, for his best friend, better known as HIS WIFE).

Aside from another curious fact, there is a correlation between the couples in this plot; Anathema & Newt, Tracy & Shadwell, and Crowley & Aziraphale, they all have something in common:

(1) Each of them has their own arcs to finish their plots;

(2) their arc is closed in duos, they are considered as couples and their arcs are closed together ("Anathema & Newt", "Crowley & Aziraphale", and "Tracy & Shadwell", respectively according to the final arcs in the book);

(3) they all had everything to hate each other, Anathema was a witch, and Newt was a witchhunter (apart from the fact that his ancestor killed her ancestor), Shadwell cursed Tracy all time, and called her a Jezebel (as if it were the most unlikely thing for someone like him not to repudiate someone like her), as well as Crowley is a demon and Aziraphale is an angel (which should make them enemies), but in the end all these characters end up together and on good terms;

(4) They all end the plot as a couple, although it seems that with Anathema and Newt and Shadwell and Tracy this is more explicit, while with Crowley and Aziraphale, it is more implicit (So you see, the exposition of Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship using the plot of other couples to show the parallels didn't start in the second season through Maggie and Nina, but this has already been noticeable since the book);

(5) If you stop to think about it for a moment, even Adam's final arc (which is the last arc of the book) is a love story, but here it's a story of his love in relation to the world he lives in and how much he's willing to appreciate it.

It is also important to remember that, although I am equating Crowley and Aziraphale with the other humans in this plot, we should not take this too seriously because they are, in fact, mythical creatures (occult/ethereal) and not really human.

They can mimetically simulate some human behaviors (like breathing, the book emphasizes several times that they don't even need to do that, but they do it anyway), so they simulate human behavior when they want to, but that doesn't mean they do it completely (for example, Az can eat, but never needs to use the bathroom, both can drink, but don't detox the same way we do, Crowley can sleep, but for an extensively longer period of time than a human being). The point is, they can adopt some human behavior, but they will adapt it to their own way and preferences.

So we could say that they are a couple, but is not the same as we do as "couple” as human, they are a couple whatever that means to them and how they adapt that to their way of existing.

This is why humans mistake them as a couple at various points in the book (Shadwell and Anathema, for example), but the truth is that humans translate Aziracrow relationship into human aspects, the behavior they exhibit within the human aspect is similar to that of what we call a “couple”, that’s why they seem like a couple for us. But, for real, whatever they are to themselves, it is, in fact, ineffable. Although this is, undoubtedly, a love story.

Are they LGBTQIA+ representations?

Short answer: yes and no.

Long answer:

In Good Omens there is a certain "homoerotic subtext", although calling Crowley and Aziraphale homosexual is not correct for two reasons (1) angels and demons do not have genitalia/sex “unless they make an effort,” that is, unless they perform a "miracle" to have one. (2) The book also states that Crowley and Aziraphale are NOT men, but rather "beings who are in the form of men". They are, at the very least, non-binary shapeshifters. (...)

Like: this assumes that they can change from "male form" to other forms if they want with some "effort"/miracle (which is especially true in Crowley's case, since "he/them" was able to change and become the nanny Asthoreth of "his/them" own free will, all indications being that Crowley was a woman during the period she was Warlock's nanny, as well as "he/them" was once the snake in the Garden of Eden, and there is a scene where "he/them" turns into a monster to scare a human, in the paintball scene. In other words, Crowley can, in fact, assume many forms, and, as an being, Crowley is genderfluid). We haven't seen Aziraphale do the same, but the plot suggests that he can too. (...)

There's also the fact that Aziraphale looks, in the words of the text itself, "he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide". Which is a type of gas called colorless gas that causes a feeling of euphoria and laughter when inhaled, hence the name "laughing gas". Basically, people think Aziraphale is gay because he looks so much "flashy and cheerful". And this is evident, since not only Shadwell, but a child at Warlock's party calls Aziraphale “a faggot”. Furthermore, Aziraphale himself has no problem being called a “faggot”, as seen in the scene where Shadwell calls him pansy, and he responds "THE Southern pansy".

There is also the fact that “Aziraphale had learned to gavotte in a discreet gentlemen's club in Portland Place in the late 1880”, the name; “The Hundred Guineas Club”, The Hundred Guineas Club was an exclusive and expensive club in London known for being a space where gay men could gather and feel safe.

Other thing, Crowley calls Aziraphale "Angel". Aziraphale is literally an angel, but not everyone knows that, so some people think that when he says that he means something different, since it is entirely possible that Crowley knows very well what he is doing when he calls Aziraphale an "angel" in front of people, after all can assume that people will not assume that it is because Aziraphale is a real angel and will instead interpret it as a term of endearment.

Furthermore, some characters throughout the narrative think they are a couple.

(1) Anathema thinks they are a couple after hearing Crowley call Aziraphale "Angel". Later, she thinks of them as the "two consenting cycle repairmen" making a reference to the decriminalization of homosexuality in UK that was only for "consenting adults", that is, she used English slang to say that she believed they were a couple.

When Satan is about to break through the Earth's crust, Crowley and Aziraphale think they are going to die, and they say goodbye to each other in a polite and cute way. In this scene, (2) Shadwell refers to Aziraphale and Crowley as ‘Southern pansies’.

There are many other references that I certainly missed, but other fans can add.

So, as seen, even though Aziraphale and Crowley can't really be classified according to human standards, neither of them seems bothered about being included in the LGBTQIA+ community, they never make any 'effort' to deny. This is obviously intentional in the narrative, although it is not explicit.

So, no, they are not an LGBTQIA+ representation in the strict term, as they are not human. But, on the other hand, they are an LGBTQIA+ representation, as they don't mind being part of it, and the book/show expresses that.

[mysoftboybensolo]

Things I Don't Understand of Audiences Reaction of Nosferatu 2024

Complaints of how this is a ripoff of Dracula, and I am like, of course it is! The original 1922 film is the most famous ripoff in the history of cinema, but it is also one of the best ripoffs ever. Maybe know your history just a bit.

Why are people saying that Ellen dying was stupid or unnecessary? Firstly, that has been the ending in the 1922 and the 1979 film, this wasn't just anything Eggers pulled from nowhere. Secondly, people don't seem to understand that the Gothic genre never not one that allows it's characters to walk away unscathed, whether it is physical damage or mental damage. Blood is demanded, and hardly a truly happy ending is found, at best a bittersweet ending or at worst an ending where everyone is unhappy. I think not only is it true to the films this one is based on, but also the only satisfying ending. Ellen wouldn't have been truly happy if she had survived, because she still will be a seer, she will still have darkness looming inside, and Thomas is either incapable or unwilling to accept it. He's belief that killing Orlok will bring a reset to everything, even bringing Ellen back to how she was before, but the Ellen she was before was still suffered. He brushes aside her nightmares without comfort, he doesn't take into account how she views their marriage (when she insists that she doesn't need material things but he acts as if he knows better), and when she tries to express her suffering, he would prefer her to suppress it. She would never be truly free, but to die doing a good thing, to have control over her death the way she didn't in life, it's an empowering end, if bittersweet.

People complaining about the pace of the film, saying it starts off fine but then drags in the middle? I think the film flowed wonderfully, there was never a moment when I was thinking how much longer to the end or felt it rushed in the story. I personally cannot wait until we get the extended version, but I am happy with how it came out.

Where are people getting "Orlok groomed Ellen" from? Grooming is when someone goes after a minor and gets them to be emotionally attached to them for a long period of time in order to achieve some sort of goal (often times sex). People have been saying Ellen was a "literal child", but we don't know that for certain. Yes, Ellen described herself as a child, but it seems that the term child is used more as a synonym of "inexperienced" or "young". Also, we are not sure how old any of these characters are. If we were to go by actors ages as guidelines, Lily-Rose Depp was 24 when filming this, and all we get in between the first scene to the present day is merely "years later". That can mean two years or ten, we cannot be sure. And while Lil-Rose Depp can look younger than her age, no one better try and say she was playing a 12 year old or whatever in that first scene, because there is no way you can convince me she is as young as that. Also, Ellen hadn't been emotionally attached to Orlok between the years to make it grooming. I can make a better argument of grooming in another famous Gothic movie the 2004 "Phantom of the Opera" then I could with "Nosferatu".

Listen, this movie won't be for everyone, that is fine, but what I have an issue with is saying people are dumb or evil for thinking Ellen x Orlok is interesting/has romantic elements to it. One person commented on another's post about saying that the cast are dumb for seeing this as a love triangle, especially Lily-Rose Depp for not seeing Ellen as a victim. The director, who also wrote it, wanted this version to play up the Death and the Maiden themes, that was their vision, and I don't think it's right or fair to say they are dumb because the original movie wasn't a love triangle. If we were to be really anal about it, so many pieces of media we have we wouldn't be able to enjoy because it's origins are not the same. Sorry Disney's Hunchback fans, you can't enjoy the happy ending because the original was a downer. Sorry Wicked fans, it's nothing like "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz", so it shouldn't be enjoyed. See how ridiculous it sounds? You can debate if whether or not they managed to achieve their goal, but you can't deny that was the intention and say people are dumb for picking up what they had intended.

I also feel that it's quite hypocritical of people to say that the relationship between Orlok and Ellen is evil and creepy, but then go off and say that the scenes where Friedrich has sex with Anna's corpse as "romantic" and Thomas' couch scene as "hot", when both deal with dubious/no consent at all. Just admit it, you are fine with dubious stuff so long as it's a hot guy doing it. The couch scene was quite uncomfortable for me, Ellen is clearly not in her right mind, even if not by some kind of possession, but emotionally, and it didn't sit right what Thomas did. I am not saying he raped her, but she wasn't in the right mind space to have this be a passionate moment. And he wasn't doing because of love or passion, he was doing it because he didn't like hearing Ellen say how he couldn't please her like the Count could. We had seen what they are like when they are in a good head space and the feeling mutual, as we saw in the den of the Harding's home. I feel like this scene wasn't meant to be a hot and sexy moment, but a incredibly distressing moment when two individuals are acting at their worst.

I don't understand how people feel that this film isn't a feminist film. I've seen people claim that the movie shames Ellen and that her not finding out how to stop Orlok is robbing her of her agency. Here's the thing, yes, many characters shame her for what she feels, but the narrative doesn't. As the audience, we feel sorry for her, feel bad for everything she is going through, and given the time period, of course there would be many people (mainly men) who will shame her passions or deny her darkness in favor for a more "womanly behavior". We are meant to see how the human world would never understand Ellen the way Orlok would understand her, why she would have called out a force that is inhuman, because humanity has turned her away. What's fascinating is that Ellen has control of Orlok, being able to call him, speak to him as an equal, and get him, a powerful centuries old being, to admit that she is his affliction, his weakness, and in the end, it's proven right. This mortal woman is able to defeat a supernatural being, all the while him loving her, how is that not awesome and feminist?

In regards to her finding the cure; true, in both the '22 and '79 film, Ellen figure out on her own what needs to be done to stop Orlok, but that doesn't mean '24 Ellen isn't smart or in charge of her own actions. We've seen Ellen say what the future holds multiple times, so it isn't crazy to believe that she would have seen what her fate would have been as it drew closer, and her need to talk to Von Franz read to me as her knowing the cure. When Ellen walks Von Franz to his home, she says that she knows what must be done, and they work together to make this happen, with him promising to keep Thomas away. Out of all the men, Von Franz had been the only one to take her feelings and thoughts seriously, and he does so here, including her in the plan (where Thomas had refused her to help), even giving her the chance to be stop Orlok without interruption. He isn't denying her agency, he's keeping others at bay so she can be the hero.

I like the moustache, just like a Romanian nobleman would have had, exactly what the director wanted. After leaving the theatre, my friend and I were discussing the film, and of course the design of Orlok was brought up, and she said "I liked it, especially the moustache, very Vlad the Impaler". She isn't a massive Dracula fan but she understood what was the inspiration behind it. Y'all are just uncultured swine.

In the end, I love this film, and wanted to just share my two cents.