#i think their design is somehow very 90s. the dark world design that is

[willyhoos]

what is up with undertale/deltarune and turning children blue against their will.

[click for higher quality!]

[theglamorousferal]

So if you’re new to the Danny Phantom fandom whether that be because you have joined us via a crossover, the new graphic novel coming out or just somehow got hooked into this fandom there are a few things you should know.

90% of content you will see is purely fanon lore.

I’m gonna divide this into two different sections, going over what is canon and then the most common things from fanon.

So if you go by the show, we have at least three different kinds of ghosts. We have ones like the Fright Knight who is a spirit formed from the feelings and beliefs of people surrounding the thoughts of Halloween and we have ones who were once humans like Sidney Poindexter and Desiree. There are also some who are the product of two different ghosts like Box Lunch. We technically also have the Ancients, but we don’t know anything about them except that they existed many years ago and then they enclosed Pariah Dark in the Sarcophagus of Forever sleep.

We know that a high concentration of ectoplasm introduced very quickly can causes human to turn into a half ghost. This happened with Danny at least 3 times, and the accident Vlad had (as well as Jack in an alternate timeline). Danny was changed twice by the portal and then once by being blasted by a bunch of ectoplasm.

In canon, the Fenton parents are very loving parents with just a bit of absent mindedness to them that leads to them missing the obvious signs that something is up with Danny. Every time in the show that he is exposed to them, he is accepted by them entirely. Even when in an alternate timeline where his parents never got together, he is accepted by them.

In canon, Jazz started out not knowing how to help Danny, Tucker and Sam, but it is shown in the show that she trains to be better later on. She still calls the ghosts by things she designated them as though, not how they would like to be called.

In canon, Vlad is awful. He regularly tries to Hamlet the main character. He tried to ruin/kill Jack to get with Maddie and make their kids his kids many, many times. He cloned a child, gaslit the clones into thinking he cared for them and then planned to melt them down to have his “perfect son”. In canon of the show, Vlad is not redeemable. (This sorta changes a bit in the graphic novel, but it’s a toss up whether that is actually considered active canon or if it’s its own canon now.)

In canon, Tucker is a genius after he was forced to sit through 12 hours of study programming. In canon, he is the reincarnation of a Pharaoh. He can speak a made-up language, Esperanto, and can hack into nearly every piece of tech he comes across.

In canon, Sam is obsessed with all things goth and so has tomes about magical beings and artifacts. She is athletic and is always ready to throw down. She only has plant powers in the episode “Urban Jungle”.

Now onto the Fanon, at least the most popular headcanons that I have come across.

The most common thing among the fandom is that Danny is half-dead. Some have him a ghost possessing his own corpse. Some have him be Schrodinger’s boy. Some have him have lower vitals or just no vital signs altogether. He is said to have died and not come back all the way or right. Common things have him be cold to the touch, a lower heart rate, and him forgetting to breathe entirely.

Probably the second most common headcanon is that Danny is the Ghost King after having fought and defeated Pariah Dark in single combat. Ways he takes the throne are varied, everything from him being forcibly put onto the throne and unable to go to the human world, to having to name Jazz or Maddie as regent until he reaches either human or ghostly majority, to him taking the throne but it being more of a figurehead thing. Most stories will have him have a plethora of titles and names he goes by. Along with this he now has a lair inside the Zone, most have him taking over Pariah’s Keep and some do have him have his own new lair.

Another popular headcanon is Ancient of Space or the Balance Danny (going with AGIT, the balance actually is now canon). These lead to things like Danny having an eldritch form. Something that is obviously “other” and hurts to perceive.

Both of these result in an OP Danny and probably around half of them will have him stuck at 14 and/or functionally immortal.

Another very common DP headcanon is Bad Fenton Parents and that their research caused the GIW’s formation. Alongside that come the most common type of fic you will come across which is where Danny has been captured by either the GIW or his parents and then is vivisected. Majority of them will have him vivisected by his own parents. Many of them will have them be varying levels of neglectful, from just not noticing things about their kids to straight up forgetting they were there and Jazz having to take care of them both.

In most fanon, the GIW are actively trying to genocide an entire species. This is closest to a canon thing considering that they did try to nuke the GZ, which would have resulted in their universe also collapsing. The things that some people write/draw for the atrocities the GIW and Bad!Fentons are things that I bring up to my therapist frequently. Be prepared for descriptive gore.

There are a few characters that have spawned in fanon that are widely accepted as canon characters now. The main one is Wes Weston along with his brother Kyle. Wes Weston was a background character that we see for about 3 frames in one episode, but he looked similar to Danny and had green eyes and the fandom latched onto that. It started out with someone claiming the A-listers would think that Wes is Phantom because he’s athletic, had the same build and green eyes. From there, the fandom has decided that he also is the only person to figure out that Danny was Phantom and tries frequently to expose him. Kyle Weston is Wes’ older brother, in the same class as Jazz and he doesn’t believe that ghosts are real and is played for gags a lot.

Another major piece of fanon lore is ghost cores. This stems from a remark Frostbite said talking about Danny’s core temperature and the fans took it and ran with it. In fanon there’s all kinds of different types of ghost cores, usually an element or an aspect of existence. Many have Danny possess an ice core, in some he has a space core. Others take his “death” into consideration and believe him to have an electric core. Commonly people have Vlad have a fire core. Usually cores are an orb that a ghost can retreat into to heal. If the core is shattered, the ghost is ended and no longer exists in any capacity.

Similar to cores is obsessions. These are essentially the purpose of the ghost, their drive and purpose. Skulker’s is hunting, Ember’s is recognition etc. Most give Danny a protection obsession, but will sometimes give him a space obsession.

Something that has gained traction in the last few years (to my knowledge mostly since the pandemic) is liminality. Liminality is where people are contaminated with ectoplasm due to overexposure or ingestion of it and it gives them ghostly abilities. Different people have liminality give people different abilities. Some have glowing eyes, lengthened canines and pointed ears. Some have enhanced senses, strength and speed as well as extra durability. Some have eyes that reflect like a cats and night vision. Some even go so far as give them at least one of the major ghostly abilities.

How someone becomes liminal differ depending on if the writer wishes to have it just be main characters or if it’s the entire town. If it’s just main characters then usually their frequent exposure to ghostly things as well as close proximity to it makes them liminal. For the whole town people will usually have the portal give off essentially radiation or when the town was pulled into the GZ be the cause.

Frequently Sam, Tucker and to a lesser extent Jazz are given extra abilities. Sam usually has residual powers from her time possessed by Undergrowth, Tucker usually has some form of techno Nancy and Jazz usually has some sort of empathetic ability, if not that she get’s the basic extra strength, speed, durability and senses.

There are some lesser known ones that should at least be mentioned in case you come across them. One of those being ghost hunger. This is where ghosts or liminals thirst for ectoplasm similar to how vampires thirst for blood. Another common thing is that ghosts socialize by fighting. That most of the fights are ghosts greeting the baby ghost. The last thing is that the main characters are known as Team Phantom.

I’m probably going to think of more later and I’ll post when I do, but this is the basics that I could remember on the fly. I hope this helps people!!

[youryurigoddess]

Case study and analysis of the 1992 Good Omens movie screenplay (“the shitscript”) in light of the ongoing WGA strike

As one could suspect, the topic of the 1992 Good Omens movie screenplay and its infamy has recently emerged from the depths of the fandom. In light of the ongoing WGA strike it’d be good to properly address this issue, starting with Neil Gaiman’s own recollection written in 2004:

It’s basically the same old story — of brilliant creative workers struggling under the pressure of detached studio executives and being legally forced to mutilate their work again and again for no artistic or economic reason — we’ve heard before in many different contexts.

If you’re reading this and somehow still wondering why writers are fighting for their rights at the moment, their job security hasn’t changed much since then. Please follow the WGA, SAG-AFTRA, and other unions’ official channels for detailed information and ways to help the cause.

Anyway, it took over a decade and an enormous effort to print the screenplay in a limited edition of 552 copies. It can’t be distributed otherwise due to IP law, but some fans shared its fragments online and heavily criticized them, dubbing the 1992 source material #shitscript

There’s been obviously a lot of controversies over the changes in the plot and the relationship between the main characters. And rightfully so — the number of iterations has created something very different from the beloved book and the award-winning show we can all enjoy today.

It’s… objectively not good. Wouldn’t be considered a hit back then and certainly not by today’s standards. I don’t think I would watch it in any other way than through channel surfing. However, it’s not a monstrosity some people believe it to be and not a case of low effort.

Let’s start with the world building: the setting wasn’t changed to the US. It’s still very much based in the UK, mostly London and Tadfield, although the latter lies now by the sea and seems much more ominous. Interestingly, the British Museum becomes a prominent location as well.

The main character and the designated hero is not surprisingly Crowley, this time in his 90s anti-hero glory. If you haven’t watched many movies of this era, esp. dark fantasy, this trope involves middle-age disenchantment, cynicism, as well as hefty doses of sarcasm and brooding.

90s anti-heroes are a dark, grim, and unnecessarily violent embodiment of power fantasy, matching the destructive ideology of that time. Combined with uber-masculinity and performative strength over weaker characters, nowadays they naturally evoke more cringe or worry than awe.

1992 iteration of Crowley is basically in his Furfur era. Deeply unhappy and stuck in a dead end job, all he talks about is how he hates Earth and his assignment here, considering a transfer to Alpha Centauri as his one and only possibility of career advancement. Or life, really.

The talking part is important here, because he clearly compensates by insulting everything and everyone. He hates on the whole planet at length only to confess that he’d rather stay here with Aziraphale due to “no good restaurants”, “no decent bottle of wine” in Alpha Centauri.

Yes, he’s verbally abusive in his automatic response to stress. But doesn’t hate Aziraphale. In one particular scene he calls Azi stupid twice only to assure him that they are friends and to offer to solve the problem when he sees that his words were taken seriously and hurt him.

Crowley refers to him as “my angel” and “my dear Aziraphale”, agrees to Aziraphale’s suggestion of sharing a room, praises the angel as a “miracle worker around the home”, drinks the tea he makes for him, and generally proves to be much softer towards him than he wants to admit.

Aziraphale, on the contrary, wears his heart on his sleeve. He’s the one engineering ways to spend more time together, following Crowley around, checking up on him (including miracling himself into his apartment and office when no one answers the door), offering help right away.

He’s successfully calming Crowley down through his anxiety attacks, overcomes his dislike of heights (!) for Crowley, directly challenges him and even breaks rules only to make Crowley stay with him. Crowley seems to be his main motivation in this movie, not the saving the world.

1992 Aziraphale also has the most badass scene in the whole Good Omens multiverse to date, taking a 180 degree turn from the typical guardian angel we all know and love to the real angel of wrath protecting Crowley from harm in his true form.

But there’s no Their Side in this universe. The only semblance of that concept appears in the context of Anathema not representing either of their respective bosses, but humanity. “That’s the trouble with the humans. They’re on their own side.”

This Crowley appears not as much on Hell’s side as under Satan’s heel. He’s scared of him and subservient, and needs Aziraphale to prevent his escape as a pretext to do what is right. He lets the angel stop him by pretending that he doesn’t even see him cheating during their duel.

By finally standing up to his toxic boss (Satan is like Gabriel during the body-swapped trial, suave and cruel) and leaving Hell’s side to do good, Crowley takes an emancipated and employee-focused stance instead of fighting for his relationship with Aziraphale like shown in S1.

Which is a shame, but matches the overall tone of the screenplay and the times it was written in. The concept of free will, while simplified in a true Hollywood-style to issues like mind control and fear, is still crucial to this interpretation of the Good Omens original plot.

Especially the character of Anathema is seen fighting both of these things. There’s no Agnes Nutter with her prophecies here, only a 21-year-old witch and her will to thwart the ultimate evil versus her fear of doing it at a cost of one boy’s life, versus Satan’s brainwashing.

Madame Tracy appears slightly redesigned as a new character as well, but isn’t 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 for the most part. She’s been enjoying her youth way too much to see how fast it was fleeting, and this sudden realization left her in shock from which she denies to come back.

Unfortunately she’s also the one who took in baby Adam and now stays under his care. The level of his parentification is unnerving, much like his bullying and loneliness. He struggles to be loved and ask for love, which becomes his main quest beyond, y’know, the apocalypse thing.

Don’t worry, despite everything all ends well just like in the book. The family of two gets a chance to start again on much healthier terms and Anathema to live for herself for the first time in years. Our heroes get back in their car, Crowley tempting Aziraphale with an apple.

All in all, this whole post is a very long reminder for Amazon Prime to #PayYourWriters, #PayYourActors, and #RenewGoodOmens! The strike is still ongoing and crucial for any new content for this and many other fandoms #GiveMeS3orGiveMeDeath

[mercair]

FINALLY, A REAL OPPONENT. Ladies and gentlemen, she is finished. One of the strongest darkners ever made, is here to see how strong Kris REALLY is. Shady, mysterious, and most of all, EDGY. I present to you; Shikari.

She was once the Emperor's favorite hitman. Considered by the whole dark world to be stronger than the emperor himself. She never missed target, she never lost a fight. Yet still, she kept a certain tenderness in her heart for all of the citizens.

One day, a strange man arrived to the dark world. In his paranoia, the Emperor ordered Shikari to get rid of this foreigner. Shikari followed his orders, and immediatly started looking for the man.

When she found him, she instantly tried to kill him. No point in making a conversation. But.. for some reason... She couldn't lift her katana from the ground. Her legs and arms were shaking. She couldn't move. Was this... Fear? But how? She never lost a fight, she never doubted, she was always the STRONGEST one... Wasn't she?. To top it all, the man kept smiling the whole time, as if he was mocking her. After that the man got closer to her and handed her a strange crystal, said it was a gift for trying so hard. Was he making fun of her?

Shikari wasn't gonna take it. Out of rage, she grabbed the crystal and SMASHED it to the ground... A grave mistake. The essence of the crystal enveloped her in darkness, and in it, she saw EVERYTHING. The horrible fat of the world, and the truth of her reality, ALL AT ONCE. She passed out, and the man dissapeared. Was HE looking for HER this whole time?

Eventually, the Emperor's guard found her lying on the ground, and tried to help her. But something was wrong with her. She woke up and attacked everyone on the place, while saying stuff that didn't make sense. Somehow, the emperor managed to capture her. Seeing her in this state, he realize she was a GRAVE DANGER for his entire empire. And so she was exiled to the darkweb, and her katana retrieved from her, with no way of coming back.

In there, she keeps training herself beyond her own limits. She has to be stronger, she NEEDS to be stronger. Or everything she's done... Will be for nothing. Woe to the next prisoner who is sent with HER.

Phew, that was a LONG one, eh?

Anyways, so, have you heard about this girl "Shikari"? She's such a GAL! (Do NOT say that to her in her face, she WILL break yours).

As said in the image, Shikari is inspired in those old EDGY flash/newground games from the 2000's, so yeah, i decided to make a real shady, mysterious, and OVERLY DRAMATIC character for this one.

Her design didn't take that much thought, i decided to give her thos cool white mask eyes and make her look like she is ALWAYS angry, even if she's not. And i tried to give her that "cool stickman" body type, that's why she's tall (also to be more intimidating). Btw she does have two arms, you just can't see the other one the 90% of the time due to dramatic effect.

The name SHIKARI is combination of the word: Shi (Death) and Ikari (Wrath). Very edgy right? And on the nose for people who know japanese, probably.

After getting her SHIFANG back. Shikari finally decides to unleash her full power on you. She didn't need the katana to do that, she just wanted it back. May god have mercy on you, because she won't.

And finally, her battle theme. This might be one of the best ones i've ever done. What do you think?

And that'll be IT! for NOW!!

Now that i have legitimatelly NO other secret bosses ideas, i may finally begin to develop every single of my chapter takes a bit more!! Stay tuned for that, see ya!

[ladyloveandjustice]

Hello fellow sailor moon I just found your blog and in quite intrigued and figured you might find this question interesting

So I was watching Sailor Stars episode 7, and I realised that the sailor moon in the anime has something of a no kill rule in the anime while the in manga she seems pretty OK to kill most of her foes

In the anime, she spears a lot of her villains with the exception of Queen Beryl and pharoh 90, so I was wondering, do you think the sailor moon should have a no kill rule

Personally, I'm not a fan of her killing in the manga, considering she's meant to be the representation of love, so I'm kinda glad the 90s anime gave her the no kill rule

But in your detailed opinion do you think sailor moon should have a no kill rule?

(ftr i think manga Sailor Moon would also have saved an innocent civilian she knew had been transformed into a monster against her will. She refused to kill Hotaru, after all)

The no kill rule is kind of a weird thing thing to contemplate because it's like, does killing the monsters violate her supposed no kill rule? Sure, they're technically made of evil magic or objects or whatever but they're all sentient, and in later seasons they start having distinct personalities (the doorknob one who was bad at fighting, the jump rope girl who wanted friends, ect) but she never tries to talk them out of their behavior the way she would a human foe. It's kind of a convention of the genre.

I think Sailor Moon killing most of her enemies quickly was just a convention of how the manga had to work--Naoko only had twelve chapters and she was told to design seven or more villains to cover a 45 episode season and now she has to fit them in a short space somehow... so having them one shotted is really the only way to go about it. She didn't have time do do stuff like redemption arcs for villains, while the anime did.

It's also notable that Usagi regrets this even at the end of the manga. She realizes that these dark magic abominations were not something seperate from her or the rest of humanity, but lonely beings just like herself. And she grows tired of killing, because with all her loved ones gone there's nothing left to fight for.

As for my ideal, I prefer a mix. The Usagi who offers a hand to everyone, who sincerely believes anyone can change and should be given a chance... but if they've rejected that hand, and even worse, hurt/killed her friends, she'd do what needed to be done to protect the world, with a very heavy heart. She will never, ever give up on anyone if there's even a glimmer of a chance they would change their ways, but she's not stupid enough to die instead of defend.

I do thing the end of the anime where she forgave Galaxia for killing her friends and just totally let her off the hook- without even knowing if Galaxia would bring them back--was a bit too much in the other direction, personally. I wanted to see more anger from her, and i believe she WOULD normally have been very angry (like she was in the manga) if the writers hadn't decided she must be as saint like as possible in those episodes. I'm fine with her reaching out to Galaxia and helping her but there should have also been some anger and a demand there- undo the damage you've done, bring back my friends and if you can't I WILL personally remove your powers and we will rebuild every planet you've destroyed, find every survivor, because you're going to have to work for this."

The Usagi who killed Beryl (and Kunzite!) would have demanded those things, and I don't think her into becoming someone who wouldn't do those things makes her more enlightened, it just makes her seem less like a real person.

(Usagi does save Galaxia even more inexplicably in the manga, but there it comes off as an act of desperation after seeing everyone she knows get killed, it's over, there's no hope, she can't take it anymore, she wants to at least still have one person there with her even if it's the person who killed them, because at least Galaxia understands her deep loneliness)

To be clear, it's not like I think the last episode is terrible or anything. I can roll with it, and I love the scene where Galaxia's shell cracks open and we see her true self underneath. It just felt off, because yeah, Usagi is love, but love can be angry, love can be unforgiving, when the people you love the most are hurt.

[obscurecurse]

blood can be painted over.

(i am very much going to talk about the downward spiral, disappearance, and suicide of the person who inspired my career, sooooooooooo it goes below the cut **TW TW TW**)

if you asked a room full of architects how they arrived at this field, you might be as annoyed as i am by the answers. generally, people in this profession have lived wildly different lives from mine: they knew it's what they always wanted to do. they loved building with legos as a kid (as if that has anything to do with the actuality of it). their father was an engineer (/subtext, nepotism.) etc.

i attribute my arrival to a woman who's name was cathy.

i asked myself why i was thinking about her this morning, and i suppose it's because it was around this time of year that she disappeared.

i've talked about my childhood from time to time on here. the abridged is my mom went crazy, left my dad, and moved us like thousands of miles from everyone she knew - when i was very young. and because i was so young, i don't know how she even met cathy, but cathy was the closest thing to family that i knew for years. i think of her in a way similar, i assume, to the way most of you would regard an aunt. she worked with my mom sometimes - when my mom had her own business. cathy often babysat my youngest sibling. she took care of us. not just the kids, she took care of my mom, too. she was my mom's best friend - her only companion on the other side of the complete uprooting of her entire life.

i can hear her voice singing about the way the bamboo knocks against the house as the wind dances through - to try to get my sister to stop crying.

the only details i know about cathy's early life are the dark ones: she was from nebraska, raised religious, and at some point her father held her entire family hostage, at gunpoint, in their family home, for days. and eventually he shot himself in front of them. she ended up in seattle, really doubling down on the religion shit. a spinster, an interior designer in the 90s art scene.

cathy spent the later part of her life making the world beautiful in small ways, through interior design work, and thoughtful organization of interior space. you never would've known she carried that past. the room got lighter when she walked into it. i do not have a single memory where i can see her frowning.

she was gifted at design, had an eye for it. but in retrospect, it makes a lot of sense: wanting to constantly think about how the world can be beautiful, when you know, intimately, how fucking ugly it gets? of course that was where her energy went.

that's what i think about the most now. design as an endless coping mechanism.

blood can be painted over.

the memory of the life, the blood, draining from your father, in front of you, in the living room? it can be painted over.

if you asked her what color to paint it over with, cathy would start to hand you paint swatches.

it was back in my NYC days. my mom called me to tell me that cathy drove up to the mountain pass in a t-shirt in the dead of winter and ran out of gas. she was starting to wander, go on long aimless drives without preparing for them. she told my mom that the devil talked to her at night. she told my mom that her cat died, and she knew she needed to deal with it, but she put the body in a box and slept with it under her bed night after night because she couldn't face parting ways.

and then she went missing. i thought about going home but what was i going to do? look for her myself?

i don't know all the details. my mom is a weird filter to receive information through. they found her after a few days - on a beach somewhere along the puget sound. at first they thought she'd been murdered - there was a strange trail of credit card purchases. i cannot tell you what it felt like to think that she'd been murdered. somehow, it eventually being labeled suicide was kinder. it was the same as with the mountain pass. she'd wandered, unprepared. she treated herself to a meal at a fancy seaside restaurant, and then she sat down on the beach and stared out at the water until the elements claimed her. (my mother is an incredibly clinical and cold woman. when she talks about it, she mostly talks about how dying of exposure is not painful. you're cold until you're not. she must say this to comfort herself? she talks about the details, but not what they mean. cathy was suffering. so much so that she let herself die.)

that phonecall, where my mother was pretending to comfort me as a way to comfort herself, used to be what i thought about the most. if you have to go, what a pretty death? the water, the mountains. what an easy death?

you're cold, until you're not. it's more than so many people are given.

it wasn't violent. she simply ignored circumstance until it consumed her.

i learned grief. the things that media, society, told me would follow when losing someone so important?

they did not follow. i unlearned them.

cathy was estranged from her family. she had no children. she had made no arrangements for any of this. there was no funeral. she left no note. there is no grave. the only thing we had to remember her by, physically, was the back seats of her van. she had taken the back seats out of her van (so that she could move work materials around) and asked to store them in my mom's garage. it was a weird artifact to hold onto, but even stranger to eventually take to the dump.

as cathy was unprepared to die, i was unprepared to face what it meant to exist in a world without her, to think i'd never come home to find her there, to never hear her voice.

i cannot tell you how much time i spent wandering graveyards in brooklyn and queens in the dead of winter, that first year, trying to make sense of what i still often refer to as "physical manifestations of humanity contending with loss."

to have a stone to be remembered by - it is a luxury, a privilege.

the concept of belonging somewhere, family, home - it is a luxury, a privilege.

i stood among the burials of strangers for so long i started to ask myself how we got here. how long has humanity contended with this? how many ways has it manifested?

the answer is always. a lot. my first serious research began. an endless flipping back and forth, studying old maps, reading the histories of towns - and then wandering them, considering the stones they were made of. trends in sculpture. graves of famous people. local legends. acid rain melting the fine details of marble. experiments in permanence. burial sites that require you to wander through private property, through miles of woods. overgrown. forgotten.

being cared for, tended to - it is a luxury, a privilege.

i asked myself how i could make a career of it: the research, the materials science, monument and landscape design. and i continue to fault my mother for focusing on the details as a way to sidestep what they mean. as if i am not endlessly doing the same.

when people ask how i arrived at the profession, i think about cathy, and how you never would've known she carried a past like that. i think about small ways i can make the world beautiful, because i know, intimately, how ugly it gets, and i offer an oversimplification, which is probably what everyone else does when answering a question like that:

"i like old things."

[ameliedoree]

Mysteries of the Sith is Peak Niche Bullshit and I Kinda Love it

Fun fact about me: I play boomer shooters when I'm not doing well. This entire last week has been miserable for me, so I decided, "why don't I *finally* try and play through Dark Forces 2 and it's expansion?" It's a title I've had a love/hate relationship with, primarily because I've tried to play it on Hard mode and that SUCKS. DF2 is a miserable experience on that difficulty for a myriad reasons I will not dive into here because I don't have the mental capacity to talk in great detail about it.

But anyways, I've finally played Dark Forces 2, and it's pretty cool. Not great, but as the second entry in the first Star Wars FPS series, and probably the first 3D Star Wars game to let you wield a lightsaber, it's a fun pulpy ride that I feel is enjoyable by anyone who likes older FPS titles and doesn't mind a little bit of archaic design.

Mysteries of the Sith is not this.

Mysteries of the Sith is some bullshit.

MOTS is very clearly made for people who are completely deranged boomer shooter fans like I am; people like me who have been playing this genre since they were a wee lad or lass (I played FPS games when I was 3!) and know the genre in and out; people like me who can probably play multiple DOOM maps blindfolded, finds anything below Hard or Very Hard to be annoying and tedious in most FPS games, has twitch reflexes, and somehow enjoys maniacal puzzle solving and level design that has no human logic or reason behind it.

And I think I love it.

It's about as indulgent in 90s FPS design tropes as you can get. Levels are often sprawling but there doesn't seem to be any real world rhyme or reason to parts of their design; it's often weird and winding explicitly for the purpose of testing the players ability to apply made up powers for problem solving.

Dark Forces 1 was clearly meant to be a game with 'real' locations. Many levels make a pretty remarkable amount of sense, only confusing because cities and industrial landscapes can be confusing to outsiders, and any level obfuscation can be blamed on sci-fi bullshit.

Dark Forces 2 steered away from this, but it still made SOME sense; locations generally felt like they could be real, even if individual areas were kinda nonsensical for the sake of having goofy FPS platforming and shoehorned in traps. None of it ever takes advantage of the fact that you are A Jedi though; you're not gonna be Force Jumping or Speeding or Pulling around for anything other than a few secrets and mucking about with the enemies.

MOTS does not give two shits about this and has levels that feel vaguely real enough to make sense but are generally a bunch of wacky things chained together because it's entertaining. Said wacky things often expect that you're completely willing to use every bit of kit at your arsenal; it wants you to be zooming around at nauseating paces, hopping around like a jackrabbit, throwing switches with the Force, and persuading ancient statues in a forgotten forest.

Also, the game has some absolute fucking bullshit everywhere. Like, completely impossible to know ahead of time traps, secrets that requires absurd intuition to locate, enemies that can kill you in seconds... it ALMOST gets out of hand at points. But I feel like I was smiling along with the developers, thinking, "oh man that was wild, now why'd you put THAT there you silly gooses? Hehe~"

I think it's a pretty cool study in designing a game for people who are as In The Know as the hypothetical you, The Designer, are. I don't think anyone designing MOTS was a newbie to FPS game design; these were people who loved the genre and had probably had tons of experience working on it, assuming they weren't all rehires from the base DF2 team. I haven't checked, sorry.

But the game was absolutely not meant to be played by people who don't have the same level of brain worms that I do; so much of the level design I feel would be utterly alien to people used to Real Game Environments the same way I struggle to navigate games with Real Game Environments like The Last of Us.

I think it's also super cool how all of this does work into the game. Like I said, it expects you to be doing goofy force bullshit in the way DF2 didn't and DF1 most certainly did not because the latter doesn't even have Jedi and Sith shit going on. It's also rather different from DF3/4 (Jedi Outcast/Academy) because the game design feels much more *retro* than those two. It really does make you feel like a wild mystical super power user just by virtue of using those powers to solve things.

MOTS is a very goofy, self-indulgent game besides this anyways. The whole story references characters that NO ONE except massive extended universe lore nerds would care about, the protagonist is the apprentice of the protag from the first game, who you then FIGHT IN AN EPIC SUPER COOL DUEL AT THE END to save him from turning to the EVIL DARK SIDE.

This game was made for the small handful of people who love boomer shooters in all of their bullshit, and additionally, people who are like that AND love crazy fanfiction shit. That's me, I'm both of those; I don't really care deeply about Star Wars but I do love me some self-indulgent fanfiction.

This is a big rambly post, but the point is, MOTS is pretty awesome and I recommend it to people deep in the boomer shooter mines. It's a far better paced game than the kind of sloggish DF2, it's a more enjoyable FPS experience than the lightsaber-focused DF3 and 4, and it's a self-indulgent good time in every other way.

[onewordshy]

Free Online Halloween Goodies

I made one of these lists every year and posted it on reddit but they deleted all my posts as spam a while back so I'm backing them up here!

Read - Abby Howard's short horror comics: An icon in the online horror scene (to me at least), Abby is known for crafting spooky stories with great art and her comics are a must read! The demo to Scarlett Hollow, her blockbuster visual novel, is also worth a play.

Play - QT: the so-called "anti-jump scare game" wherein you search through a spooky abandoned house trying to find your friends. It's super cute and perfect if you don't want something scary.

Listen - A Bnny Nghtmr II by BNNY RBBT: A Halloween themed visual album tied into a YouTube alternate reality game about a mysterious '90s pop star who vanished. The album uses unusual sounds and the autotune heavy style might seem grating at first but it's kind of mesmerizing and a good listen for the season.

Read - Ruby Quest and Nan Quest: Two legendary horror "quest interactives." The writing style is a little unusual and the artwork is kinda crunchy but trust me, they're gripping stories of people trying to survive terrifying ordeals, combined with escape room puzzles and psychological horror. I personally prefer Nan Quest (its "haunted hotel" setting really works and it's much more polished).

Watch - Lo by Travis Betz on YouTube: which is not only my favorite horror movie but quite possibly my favorite movie in general? It's about a man who summons a demon to find his missing girlfriend, it's very low-budget but it's incredibly creative and a great meditation on love and loss.

Read - Emily Carroll's comics: You might have seen these floating around before but they're good, His Face All Red is the perfect Halloween ghost story.

Play - The Night Is Darkening: a short, free horror game about a ship that gets stranded on a floating island. It's just a simple exploration game but gothic energy is strong with this one, despite the short length it had tremendous world building that made me so intrigued. More unsettling than scary.

Browse - MORTASHEEN: an online database of fictional monsters from the creator's fantasy setting. If you're into creature design and unconventional monsters and somehow haven't heard of this, get on it now.

Read - ALL HAIL THE MONUMENTAL HORROR-IMAGE: An article posted to The Outline that I think fans of horror would be very interested in, it’s in slideshow format so you essentially just scroll through screen caps of iconic moments from horror movies interspersed with text from the author opining on what exactly it is that makes them so effective.

Watch/Listen - Evil Dead: The Musical: A campy parody of the already campy horror franchise, the original Canadian cast of this show was professionally recorded for posterity and has made its way onto YouTube. The video is pretty potato quality but you know what, we’re lucky to have this at all.

Play - The Open House: A very unique horror game that takes the form of, of all things, a virtual guided house tour through a fairly mundane piece of real estate that slowly reveals itself as a house of horrors. While there are a few obligatory jump scares, the game relies mostly on the unsettling atmosphere and brilliant pacing to lure you in and keep you hooked until the terrifying end. A short game (twenty minutes if you’re quick) can be played in browser or downloaded, but here’s a play through as well.

Watch/Listen - Ghost Quartet: A one of a kind musical/theatrical experience. the show weaves a complex interlocking narrative that I can’t even begin to unpack but is ultimately about four friends who get together on a dark night to tell ghost stories. It’s an old school style of spooky, telling out tales of love, betrayal, revenge, and of course ghosts, all spelled out through abstract metaphor and fantastic music.

Read - Jared Pechacek’s Annual Harvest Festivals: A thread of microfiction tweets each describing mysterious local harvest festival traditions from a town called Springfield in every state in America. The brief descriptions are evocative and offer a fun twist on some classic Americana, sounding both familiar and surreal.

Listen - Old Radio Plays: There’s a certain kind of vintage charm to these old radio programs that’s very comforting, and while I don’t pretend to be an expert in these types of things I’ve linked to a handy tumblr post where another excited recommender has compiled some that they felt were noteworthy.

Watch - Daisy Brown: Daisy Brown is a web series that exploded onto the scene back in 2017 with the video “How I Feed Alan,” which shows a cheerful young woman feeding sugar pills to some kind of monster. The strange juxtaposition of the grotesque imagery with Daisy’s completely casual tone was instantly intriguing, and over the course of the next two years she’d upload regular vlogs that gradually unraveled the mystery behind this strange family.

Play/Read - The Shadows That Run Alongside Our Car: A fully illustrated visual novel that tells the story of two strangers driving a car through the zombie apocalypse towards an uncertain fate. It’s very well written, has great atmosphere, and the theme of searching for hope and human connection in the face of inevitable demise is more timely than ever.

Listen - LVCRFT: Basically they’re a collective of (pretty high profile) artists in LA who got together and decided to create Halloween music, and it slaps! They have several excellent albums full of spooky tunes that you should be bumping to while they’re still seasonal!

Read - Crow Cillers: The basic gist of the plot is that a group of kids get tangled up in the machinations of a cult who are trying to control an otherworldly dimension(?) called Ynce Iche, but that's just the starting point for where this comic goes because it's the kind of story that tears itself apart and sews itself back up. A diverse cast of characters and well written dialogue bring a lot of life to this experimental webcomic.

Watch - Local58TV: The brainchild of Kris Staub, a perennial fave of the online horror scene. The videos are short films designed to look like news broadcasts from a world similar to our own, but also different in a few key ways. Found footage VHS horror has been a growing field in the past two years and imo this is the best it's been done yet.

Play - Symposium of Grief: The story of a ghost trying to find his lost heart, this one is a bit more emotional than the others listed here. It takes place in a spooky town full of ghosts and monsters but it's more about trying to find connection and a purpose in life than anything else; the writing is funny and the art is gorgeous and I have no clue why it's free because it seems super high effort.

Play/Read - the uncle who works for nintendo: Is this a cult classic? A text based adventure game about being a kid and going over to your friend's house for a sleepover that goes very, very wrong. I don't want to say too much and spoil it but suffice to say this is more hair raising than you'd expect. Can be played in browser so you don't have to download anything!

Listen - Ellise: Ellise makes short, catchy pop songs that have horror themes, with her last EP being centered around fairy tales in particular. It's a bit "edge lord" at times but hey, that's part of the fun!

Read - Fuan No Tane: A cult favorite manga, Fuan No Tane is a collection of unsettling ghost stories inspired by the unusual urban legends of Japan. It's slice of life in a way, there's no plot and every entry is pretty short (some just a few pages long), but the imagery and mundane-cum-horrifying tone really stick with you.

Watch - Ultraman Max Episode 22: "Butterfly Dream": Kind of a wildcard pick but if you're into the more surreal side of horror then this one is for you. While the typical episode of Ultraman would see the hero fighting some sort of rubber suit monster, "Butterfly Dream" instead is a bizarre, experimental story about a man attempting to write an episode of Ultraman, a woman trying to craft the perfect monster, and the hero caught in the middle.

Play - Don't Get Spooked!: A twine horror game from Halloween aficionado bogleech.com, this is a silly little comedy game where you click links to navigate a haunted house and try to collect all of the endings. Very dumb but a lot of fun.

Watch - The Black Tower: A classic short horror film about a man who notices a new building on the horizon… and then can’t stop noticing it. The story is told entirely through voiceover and mainly static footage, which gives the film a dreamy and unsettling atmosphere, and the “monster” feels very unique even today. I think if you like the more artsy and understated side of the horror world you’ll appreciate this.

Play - There’s A Bear Outside: Spend the night in a cabin and encounter a totally normal bear. An unusual spin on the “campfire story” formula, this interactive text game loosely tracks the stories of different people who encounter a surreal thing (really, a completely normal bear) which causes their lives to spill open. Kinda spooky, kinda silly, kinda a surprisingly emotionally cutting exploration of the human experience.

Read - Third Shift Society: A supernatural action comic about a down-on-her-luck girl who discovers psychic powers that conveniently land her a job as a “Paranormal Detective” and adventure ensues. Kind of a stock standard Webtoon but it was nominated for an Eisner Award and also one dude has a pumpkin for a head, so, that’s fun!

Watch - Headless: A Sleepy Hollow Series: A web series that offers comedic take on the classic Legend of Sleepy Hollow, following meek school teacher Ichabod Crane as he tries to unravel the mystery of the Headless Horseman that haunts his new hometown. Chock full of crazy characters and wacky circumstances, the show has an interesting sense of humor but manages to land a lot of good jokes while still crafting a surprisingly compelling story.

Read - Katalepsis: An ongoing urban fantasy web serial with major horror elements that follows the adventures of a young woman who discovers that the gruesome hallucinations that have plagued her since her childhood are real, a revelation which almost literally throws her into a world of strange people with stranger powers. Has a relatable protagonist, a unique story, creative world building, strong character development, and also like every character in this book is a queer woman.

Watch - Zombie Prom: Boy meets girl, boy and girl break up, boy drives into a nuclear power plant and comes back as a zombie… that old story. And it’s a musical! This short film (a bit over a half hour) is a super campy parody of ‘50s teen romances with a lot of fun songs, perhaps a little low-budget but that’s just part of its charm. Notably features RuPaul as a villainous high school principal.

Read - Angel Chain: An ongoing web comic about two dysfunctional sisters who encounter an “angel” who they can control using charms attached to their flip phones, but not all is as it appears. Sort of like a bastardized parody of anime/creature collectors/‘00s culture, this comic isn’t very far along yet but it stands out for eye catching art style and delightfully emo sensibilities. Be sure to explore the homepage for secret links too~

Play - Night Work: This interactive comic casts you as a janitor on a space ship who does his best to survive when things go horribly wrong. A simple story elevated by the beautiful black/white/red color palate and some smart gameplay choices. Plays in-browser so there’s no download required and it’s really quick, though you’ll probably want to do it a few times to get the different endings.

Play - The Anthology Of The Killer: A series of short games about a young woman named BB who goes on misadventures and meets all sorts of kooky characters... who want to kill her. Swim through a haunted waterpark, stumble through the dark backrooms of a cursed theatre, survive the art in a judgemental museum, become the herald of a new form of music, and more! The visual style is immediately striking, very punk and surreal, but what makes the games stand out is their great sense of humor and unexpected intelligence- you'll find yourself thinking and laughing at the most unexpected moments.

Explore - Welcome Home: A fansite for a (fake) children's show called Welcome Home that was mysteriously "lost..." perhaps for a good reason. The characters and the fake show seem very cute, but as you click around the site you might stumble across several links that hint at something darker lurking beneath the cheerful exterior. Tying together the internet's fascination with lost media with the rise of "mascot horror," it's no wonder that this went viral earlier this year, which is great because it means there are a lot of "explained" videos/articles out there for people (like me) who don't have the patience to actually do ARG bullshit.

Watch - The Search For The Next Elvira: A deep cut from Elvira lore is that back in 2007 she concocted a reality competition show where she put thirteen youngsters through a series of challenges to determine who could best fill her bra shoes and it is peak '00s reality television- there is no budget, it's super cheesy, nothing makes sense, and yet you just can't stop watching. At only four 40 minute episodes, it's a fun little thing to have in the background.

Play - Elevator Hitch: A unique visual novel with escape room elements about a young man starting a new job at a corporate office finds himself sharing an elevator with an annoying executive... and that's just the start of the horror! Explore nine different floors, each with their own twisted puzzles, and try to find a way to freedom... if it even exists. Witty writing, a charming anime inspired aesthetic, and plenty of surprises in store.

Explore - A Book Of Creatures: A cute little blog devoted to recording different "creatures" found in mythology and folklore from all around the world. If you're a monster lover like me this site is a treasure trove because the creator goes pretty deep with the references and pulls up some fairly obscure creatures- and provides beautiful illustrations for each.

Watch - Gregory Horror Show - An animated series of short episodes that tell the story of a human who arrives at a mysterious boarding house full of terrifying creatures that make his every waking minute a nightmare. It's a more cartoonish take on horror but the memorable cast of characters and the surprisingly compelling story have made it an enduring cult classic.

Read - Dustin K Couch's Creepypastas: This creator has gone viral several times for his unique format of short form comedic horror stories that come in the form of fake social media screenshots about surreal phenomenon that takes hold via the web. Short, amusing, slightly unsettling, and punchy. Also on tumblr if you don't want to go to xitter.

[autisticshadowthehedgehog]

Babylon Rogues Theory Update: It’s a Fucking Birdemic Out There

OKAY SO A SIMPLE CONVERSATION ON THE SONIC DISCORD HAS TURNED INTO A PEPE SILVIA CONSPIRACY

[ID: The Pepe Silva meme, but the chaos map is covered with images from Sonic, such as Jet the Hawk, Longclaw the Owl opening a ring-portal, Space Colony ARK, Old Man Owl from the OVA, Shadow the Hedgehog, the Flickies in Sonic X, Extreme Gear Boots, and Shahra the Genie. End ID.] 

WE’VE STUMBLED ONTO A FRANCHISE-WIDE CONSPIRACY INVOLVING FLICKIES, DIMENSION-HOPPING, AND SHADOW BEING PART BIRD. STRAP THE FUCK IN.

First of all, this conversation was spurned on by the assumption, which I proved yesterday, that the Babylon Rogues are from another dimension than regular Mobius and were powerful dimension-hoppers until crashing. 

We began the conversation simply. With flickies. 

@quartzquadrant​ mentioned their theory that the Babylonians were an attempt to reintroduce the flickies into the series as actual characters, as the flickies were originally conceptualized to be from another dimension, as revealed in Sonic 3D Blast. 

But here’s the fun thing: what’s that exact reveal? 

[ID: A photo of the flickies from Sonic 3D Blast, captioned: “Flickies are mysterious birds. They live in another dimension and can travel anywhere through large rings.” End ID.]

Now “another dimension” was just relating to the Babylonians-are-Dimension-Hoppers conspiracy, buT look at that last bit! THE FLICKIES CAN TRAVEL ANYWHERE THROUGH LARGE RINGS.

Such as............. in Sonic 2020? 

But here’s the thing.... who was the first character (and ONLY, considering she had to give them to Sonic) who HAD these portal rings? 

LONGCLAW. THE OWL. OWLS ARE BIRDS GUYS.

[ID: Longclaw the Owl from Sonic 2020, opening a portal to another planet with a magical ring. End ID.]

Longclaw ALSO shares a design with tiles found in both the movie and the original Sonic the Hedgehog game, linking her closely with the classic world the Flickies are associated with. 

[ID: Photos from both Sonic 2020 and Sonic the Hedgehog (1991), in which an owl face very similar to Longclaw appears in the stones and tiles. End ID.]

[ID: A gif of Freckle from The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo, saying “What does it mean? What does it all mean?” End ID.]

But she’s not the only owl in the franchise! Aside from the comics, there’s a couple owls- a judge in Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, a mystical keeper of the time stones in SatAM (...interesting) and..... Old Man Owl from the Sonic OVA!

[ID: Old Man Owl from the Sonic OVA. He is wearing insanely 90s clothing and carrying a tubular skateboard. End ID.] 

Old Man states early on in the film that he used to be a racer in his youth... a racer like the Babylon Rogues.

[ID: A promotional photo of the modern Babylon Rogues. Wave the Swallow is on the left, Jet the Hawk in the middle, and Storm the Albatross on the right. They are riding their Extreme Gear™ hoverboards in a race. End ID.] 

We’ve come full circle, but this isn’t the end of the conspiracy linking all these birds together. No, no, the conversation continued quickly, and @zorloser​ mentioned that, in Sonic Riders, the Babylonians were referred to as genies, which is something i included in my dimension-hopping conspiracy. However, you know who else is linked to genies? 

SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG.

[ID: Two screenshots from Sonic Adventure 2, of Shadow the Hedgehog. He has just been released from cryo, and says, “Since you were so kind to release me, my master... I will grant you one wish.” End ID.] 

These are Shadow’s first lines in Dark Story of Sonic Adventure 2, his introductory game, and his lines reference the motifs of gaining wishes by freeing genies. Shadow’s main plotline in SA2, as well, was the desire to grant the wishes of others, firstly Gerald’s wish for destruction and then Maria’s for peace. 

Know what Shadow also is, like the Babylon Rogues? An ALIEN! He has the dna of the Black Arms aliens! 

[ID: Shadow standing beside his insanely tall demon dad, Black Doom, who is probably a tumblr sexyman in another dimension I’m glad I don’t live in. End ID.]

As he “dies,” he also appears like a shooting star, such as the Arks of the Cosmos. 

[ID: The Arks of the Cosmos falling from the Babylon Garden out in space, like shooting stars. End ID.]

ARKs. Like SPACE COLONY ARK. SHADOW’S HOME.

[ID: The Space Colony ARK, a floating satellite colony, as seen in the intro to Shadow the Hedgehog. It hovers above Earth with the sun behind it. End ID.] 

But this all doesn’t stop there, oh no. No, no, because we realized, looking at Jet and Shadow’s designs, that they have way too many similarities. 

As you can see, they have the same shape of chest fluff. Their gloves have those red-and-black squares and rings on the wrist. They have the same red, black and white colors on their shoes. They both have highlights on their quills/feathers in a similar shape, and they both have that red/black eyeshadow. 

Both characters are also the leaders of their respective teams, as well as Sonic’s homoerotic rivals desperate to race him and prove they’re faster. 

[ID: A gif from The Incredibles, of the teacher shouting, “Coincidence? I think NOT!” End ID.] 

And it’s not just that... Shadow’s shoes are rocket boots that give him the ability to hover and glide. Know what else exists? EXTREME GEAR SHOES. 

[ID: a comparison of the Extreme Gear™ shoes with Shadow’s weirdass shoes. End ID.] 

Also, you know who else chose to take the form of Shadow the Hedgehog??? MEPHILES. Whose chest fluff not only looks vaguely bird-shaped, but if half of the god Solaris... a BIRD. 

[ID: A closeup of Mephiles the Dark, who took the form of Shadow the hedgehog. His chest fluff resembles the silhouette a bird in flight. End ID.]

[ID: Solaris; its wings are spread like a bird and like Mephiles’s chest fluff. End ID.] 

Birds are, somehow, everywhere in the Sonic franchise. They have been present from game one and keep being linked to symbols of power. And with the connection of the Babylon Rogues to Shadow, this can only mean one thing. 

SHADOW IS PART BIRD. 

[ID: A meme from Buzzfeed Unsolved. Shane, delusional, says “i’ve connected the two dots.” Ryan, just as delusional, responds “you didn’t connect shit,” to which Shane simply replies, “I’ve connected them.” End ID.] 

thank you and goodnight. 

[we-are-inevitable]

so i'll try to talk refined // javid (ch. 1)

A/N: this is so self indulgent holy fuck

WARNINGS: implied sexual content, drunken flirting, one night stands

SUMMARY: It was supposed to be a one night stand. One night, one too many drinks, one stupid decision that wouldn't have an actual effect on anything David cared about, aside from giving him a much needed night off.

But, when his one night stand turns out to be a new every day part of his life for the foreseeable future, David has... some choices to make.

For starters: choose to ignore his obvious attraction to the muralist working in his library, or choose to face the challenge head on.

If only he knew how to navigate this plot twist.

Tag List: @tarantulas4davey @oof-musicals​ @panicky-pancakes (let me know if you’d like to be added!)

Read On AO3!

David has never seen someone as gorgeous as the man sitting across from him at the bar.

Maybe that’s a somewhat straightforward statement. David has seen a lot of gorgeous people- he grew up in New York City, for crying out loud; he falls in love with someone new on the sidewalk every day, it seems. There’s just… something about this guy, though, that David is more than a little attracted to.

It’s probably his hair. David has always been a sucker for curls, and this guy’s hair is so curly on the ends- but he has a middle part, and his bangs-but-not-really-bangs are more wavy than curly, and it’s swooped back like some popular guy from the 90’s, or, like... Zayn Malik circa late 2014. Either way, David is loving it.

But that isn’t the only aspect of this guy that he’s loving.

For one, his eyes are the most striking golden brown that David has ever seen, and his tan skin is shining beautifully underneath the gaudy, in-your-face lights in the bar. If David stares hard enough, he can make out freckles dotting the expanse of his face, spread across a sharp jawline and even sharper cheekbones.

Needless to say, David is in love. Not literally, of course- David and ‘love’ don’t really mix well- but he’s never not going to be thinking about Random Guy in the Bar, so it’s kind of the same thing, right?

David almost considers going over to talk to him, but he falters. This is a... regular bar, probably, not one of the many gay bars David frequents, and he’s probably a straight guy with a low tolerance for getting hit on by dudes but, also, it’s 2021, and David is a little tipsy, so what’s really the harm in going over to talk to Random Guy? He might get punched, yeah, but David has taken worse. Much worse. There was that time in high school, when he kissed his boyfriend in the hall and was--

No, no, now is time to think happy thoughts, Tipsy David reminds himself.

Tipsy David is a lot braver than Sober David, and as he stands from his barstool and makes his way over to Random Guy, Tipsy David hopes that Sober David won’t have a black eye in the morning.

He takes in a deep breath as he approaches, but puts on a brave face as he comes up next to the guy. “Excuse me,” He starts, and pauses as the man whips around, eyes widening just slightly, and, oh, God, he’s even hotter up close. “I know this is a shot in the dark, but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t tell you how attractive you are,” David says, as nonchalantly as he’s able to, while he leans against the bar counter.

The man stays silent for a few moments, and David can practically see the gears turning in his mind- before he’s flashing a megawatt smile at David and saying, “Thanks, man. That means a lot.”

Oh, sweet Jesus, that accent is thick. It’s classic New York- like, classic classic. Old New York classic. Just this side of a stereotype, but oh so genuine, and David is living for it. His voice is really nice, too; not very deep, but gravelly and kind of rough and hoarse and oh, why was this guy blessed with perpetual perfect morning-voice? He sounds like he just woke up and rolled out of bed, so rough and gorgeous.

But that’s beside the point, because this guy is clearly not picking up what David is putting down. That’s alright. Maybe a bit disappointing, but it’s not like David had any high hopes anyway.

David gives a nod and a smirk, standing up straight. “Just telling the truth,” he replies easily, then slaps his hand gently on the bar. “Have a good one.”

“You, too,” The guy says, staring up at David. He opens his mouth, as if to say something else, but instead he just offers a smile and a nod.

David nods back, turning to walk away, feeling pretty good about the interaction. He wasn’t punched, and wasn’t rejected, and--

“Hey, wait,” The man’s voice stops him in his tracks. David turns with a raised brow, taking in the man’s appearance once more- hair, eyes, freckles, skin, jeans and a plain henley with the sleeves rolled to his forearms- and, finally, the guy speaks again. “You… You ain’t too bad yourself, y’know.”

David blinks, confused, until he takes a slow step forward. “That so?” He asks with a hint of a grin.

The guy nods, then crosses his arms. “‘Course. I ain’t the only pretty boy here.”

“Ooh, pretty boy. That’s a new one,” David smirks, then leans against the bar. “So, pretty boy, answer me this. What would you say if I asked to sit with you?”

“Well, I’d probably ask what you’re drinkin’,” The man responds, then gestures for David to sit on the bar stool next to him. “What would your answer be, hypothetically?”

David’s smile widens, and he makes a show of thinking for a moment before speaking. “Well, if a hot guy asked me what I was drinking, I’d probably say a Manhattan with bourbon,” He teases, taking his seat. “And what would pretty boy be drinking, hm?”

“Pretty boy has a name,” He counters with a playful smirk, “and pretty boy is on his second margarita.”

Before David can respond, the man raises a hand and turns to the bartender. “‘Ey, Racer, c’mere,” he calls out, and soon, the bright-eyed blond is walking over, leaning over the bar. “Bring me two tequila shots, and a Manhattan. Bourbon.”

“On it, Cowboy,” The bartender- Antonio, or so it says on his nametag- responds with a wink.

“Cowboy,” David repeats as Antonio leaves, turning his attention to the man beside him. “Pretty boy, cowboy… You have some interesting nicknames.”

“Technically, ‘pretty boy’ ain’t a nickname. You’re the only one who calls me that, sweetheart,” The man smirks, resting his elbow against the bar.

“What else can I call you, then?” David asks, raising a brow as he leans in a bit closer- far enough away to not be in the guy’s personal space, but close enough to still hear him clearly over the booming party playlist blaring in the background.

The guy shrugs, grinning easily, then winks as he looks back at David. “You could start with ‘Jack’,” He replies.

Jack.

Such a generic name, but somehow, it’s just become the most attractive name in the history of ever.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Jack,” David says with a wide grin, holding out a hand. “The name’s David.”

Jack reaches out to take David’s hand and give it a shake, and, fuck, David swears he feels sparks. He doesn’t really have time to think about it, though, considering that Antonio is back with their drinks, and Jack is smiling at David like he’s the only thing that matters.

***

An hour passes, and David finds himself particularly buzzed after a few more drinks- courtesy of Jack, who has not once left his side. They’re both just this side of tipsy, both happy and bubbly underneath the flashing lights of the bar, and are already on their cooldown; nursing cold waters and a shared appetizer to come back to at least semi-sober before they have to part ways.

Maybe part ways.

Truth be told, David would follow Jack back to his apartment in a heartbeat if Jack asked him to.

Because, well, Jack is seriously attractive. Muscles for days, a laugh that’s to die for, and there’s an underlying softness to him; he’s an artist. An actual artist. He’s a freelancer; he has a dual degree in graphic design and studio art, so he paints and makes logos and designs business cards and does murals all over the city and, wow, David falls more and more in love every second. Jack even mentioned he was going to be doing some mural at one of the libraries in the city, which made David’s heart skip a beat. A literary themed mural, done by a hot guy… David might just have to leave his own little library and venture across the city to find it.

As the clock on the wall draws ever closer to 11 p.m., David bites his lip. He glances over at Jack, who is already looking at him, and when he sees the hungry look in Jack’s eyes, he smirks. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“‘Cause you’re hot,” Jack says, as if it’s the easiest thing in the world, “and I’m wonderin’ what it’d take to leave here with ya.”

David takes in a shuddering breath, licking his lips. “All you need to do is answer a question.”

“Oh?” Jack asks, placing a hand on David’s thigh. “And what would that question be?”

David looks him dead in the eyes. They’re both silent, energy sparking and crackling between each other; Jack’s eyes are dark, dark, dark, and David has to actively resist the urge to give in and kiss him right there against the counter. Slowly, David leans in close, lips barely brushing against Jack’s ear as he asks, “Your place or mine?”

Somehow, between one moment and the next, Jack is dragging David up the three steps into his townhouse, and as soon as the door is shut and locked with a distinct click, Jack has David pushed against the wall.

Distantly, David remembers leaving the bar- one owned by Jack’s friends, presumably, considering the fact that Antonio the Bartender and Mr. Redhead Bouncer Man both whistled when Jack escorted David out by the hand. He remembers walking down the block and turning left, and remembers the weight of Jack’s palm against his own; oddly intimate for the acts they’re about to commit, but welcome nonetheless.

But David doesn’t have time to think about that. Not as he places both hands on Jack’s cheeks and kisses him with all the passion he possesses.

Kissing Jack is exactly what David thought it would be: hot, hungry, competitive, fierce. Jack is strong, but within a few seconds, David has Jack backed against the front door, boxing the smaller man in with his arms.

“Oh, fuck,” Jack gasps as David kisses his neck, gently working the skin with just the barest bite of teeth.

David pulls back, glancing down into Jack’s dark eyes. “That’s the plan,” He says with a smirk, before diving back in to kiss Jack. It’s filthy, it’s fucking amazing, and Jack’s hands are in his hair and on his stomach and reaching around to grope his ass, pulling David ever closer.

“We need to- Bed,” Jack rasps out, but makes no move to leave the position; especially not when he leans up and begins his attack on the column of Davey’s throat. Thank God Sarah has extra makeup at David’s apartment; he’ll need it for work. Hannah might fire him on the spot if he walks into the library looking like a 'harlot'.

David taps Jack’s hip, and Jack seems to get the memo. Without breaking contact with David’s skin, Jack jumps and wraps his legs securely around David’s hips; David moans with the contact, bracing Jack with his hands as he blindly carries the man through the apartment. Had it been any other situation, David would have stopped to look around; he’s always been a sucker for interior design, and Jack has good taste.

But now, David only has one idea in mind.

Jack pulls away and gestures to a dark door, and as David opens it, he’s met with Jack’s bedroom, complete with red LED lights around the perimeter of the ceiling. How fitting, he thinks as he walks forward and all but throws Jack onto the bed. David kneels between Jack’s legs and undoes Jack’s belt with a skillful hand- he’s not at all new at this, he knows what he’s doing- and within seconds, David has Jack’s stupid, threadbare henley up and over his head, tossed precariously to a random corner of the bedroom.

Two things happen at once.

First, Jack sits up, looking more vulnerable than he’s looked during the entire night, and second, David notices the two faded surgical scars on either side of his chest, right beneath his pecs.

For a moment, everything is silent as David’s gaze flicks back to Jack’s face. He looks him again, scans his chest, and his toned stomach, and his hip bones that are jutting out under the waistband of his jeans. He's caught in his own head, stricken by how fucking hot Jack is shirtless, and he must be stuck for a few too many seconds, because--

Jack clears his throat, an awkward little sound, but one that catches David’s attention nonetheless. David looks back down and makes eye contact with Jack, who takes in a deep breath and asks, “This… Is this still alright?”

David raises a brow, and breathes, “Why wouldn’t it be?”

Before Jack can respond, David pulls off his own shirt and tosses it to the side, then leans back down and kisses Jack. His hands fine Jack’s hips and he gives a harsh squeeze, which makes Jack gasp and hurry to undo the button and zipper of David’s jeans.

David doesn’t give him the satisfaction. Instead, he pushes Jack down into the mattress, kissing his neck, then moving to his chest, his abs, trailing lower and lower with every movement, until Jack is panting, whining, begging, until Jack is raising his hips, until Jack is pushing his jeans down.

Until Jack is gasping for breath, thighs bracketing David’s head, moaning a mantra of, “God, yes, David, please, more, more, oh, fuck.”

***

“David! Nice to see ya, hun. Did you enjoy your weekend off?”

David looks over his shoulder as he shuts the front door. His boss, Hannah, is waving him up to the front; he walks to the counter and nods, smiling as he runs a hand through his hair. “I really needed it, yeah. Thank you, Han.”

“Sweetheart, if you ever need a break, you just let me know, okay?” She shoots him a pointed look, and smiles gently. “Go clock in, hun. We got a shipment in the back that needs to be sorted and shelved.”

“Yes, ma’am,” David responds with a grin. He drops off his leather messenger bag behind the front desk, then types his number into the keypad to clock in and log into his account. Once he’s done, David walks to the storage room in the back and stares at the piles of books in front of him.

With a smile, he grabs the first stack. Hannah called him a ‘strange boy’ once, for the very same reason. Apparently, her old employees here at Duane Street Library in downtown all hated sorting day with a passion, but David finds it relaxing. It puts him in a good mood.

Not that he needs this to be in a good mood after Friday night.

David’s hands flex around the spine of a book at the thought. God, he needs to get that out of his head. It’s been, what, two days since then, but he’s still thinking about... Jack. He needs to let go; it’s not like he’s ever going to see the guy again, right? David has no plans to go back to that bar; it was nice, but he only went because there was an event he wasn’t really interested in at the bar he usually goes to- a gay bar, with frequent drag shows and performers who know David by name. A bar that has Britney and Gaga blaring at all times, not one with classic rock.

But, well, that bar seemed like the perfect place for Jack No-Last-Name, and Jack No-Last-Name seemed to frequent it, so it’s highly unlikely that David is ever going to run into Jack No-Last-Name again. It’s a big city, and he’s just a guy from a one night stand that David desperately needed in order to give himself a release.

Figuratively and literally, he thinks.

Eugh. Gross.

Pushing Jack out of his mind, David starts stacking the books onto the rolling cart they keep in the corner. He tries to at least keep them organized- first by genre, then alphabetical- and once he has about forty books on the cart, he pulls it out into the main part of the building. He starts shelving the mystery section first; it’s closest to the storage room, and it’s fairly easy to figure everything out. This mystery section is fun; all of the book spines are hidden, as the books are shelved backwards, and the only tell is the initial of the author's name laminated on the shelves.

There is a sign next to the shelf that says, of course, if you’re looking for a specific book and don’t want to search, come find an employee, blah, blah, but for the most part their guests like this little fun thing they do. It is the mystery section, after all; it’s why they hide the titles, it’s why there’s a basket of books wrapped at the end, it’s why the wrapped books only have the author’s initials and a small, vague summary written on the back.

All very Pinterest-y ideas, but fun nonetheless.

Once all of those books are meticulously shelved, David moves onto nonfiction, and then fiction, and by the time he’s finished with A through G, he’s due for another trip back into storage. H through L follows, then M through Q, then R through Z. When he’s done with the actual alphabetized sections, he gets to start on the fun little pop-up sections throughout the library.

BookTok section; the books that TikTok has been raving about, as an effort to foster more online engagement.

Read with Pride; pride month section. Books about being queer, books about queer experiences, books with queer characters- the works.

Black Authors, Black Voices; a section that has been on display for a while, since the head of the Black Lives Matter movement, about anti-racism and being a better ally to marginalized communities.

There are a few more sections like this that he does; editing them, switching out new books in place of books that have lost traction, creating little fliers and informational cards for the tables… It’s all very nice, very niche, and very much David’s little ‘baby’- his special project. It’s why Hannah hired him; beforehand, she had been trying her hardest to modernize this little library, but she hadn’t been able to hit the nail on the head. In comes David Jacobs, a 24 year old college graduate/grad student with social media management experience and generalized knowledge of what ‘the youths’ are liking, needing a job to help pay his way through grad school…

Needless to say, Hannah basically lets David roam free and do what he needs to do. Of course, she checks off on everything he does, but the new layout and new areas and new ideas are all him.

And it’s working.

The activities that he’s coming up with are getting a lot of participation. Since coming in last year, David has been able to boost community engagement- which, in turn, boosted their annual funding, and they’ve been investing that money into upgrades. Better computers for the Media Center, better toys and activities and little knickknacks for the 'Kid’s Korner' section, better decor to make the library look more lively.

Hannah even mentioned bringing someone in to paint the kid’s section, and maybe even do a nice, Instagram-worthy mural in the Media Center, and--

“Oh, wonderful, you’re here early!”

At the sound of Hannah’s voice up front, David raises a brow. He’s near the back of the library now, and only has about ten more books to shelve, so he doesn’t bother going up to the front. He has a job to do anyway, so it’ll be fine. Distantly, though, he hears Hannah and someone laughing together, which makes David grin; Hannah is always laughing, either with someone or at someone. She’s sassy and snarky and kind of a bitch, but God, does David love her. He couldn’t imagine a better boss.

He focuses on the task at hand, deciding to take his time with it, just to let Hannah talk to whoever it is she’s talking to. Eventually, though, David pushes the cart back to the storage room and makes his way up to the front.

David rounds the corner with a smile and some pep in his step, though he stops in his tracks when he sees--

“David, this fine young man is gonna be painting our mural in the kids section!” Hannah says with a wide grin, and turns away from him. “This is David; he runs our Community Outreach programs and social media accounts, plus helps me with, y’know, sorting through the books,” Hannah explains.

She then turns to David, gesturing to the man next to her. “David, meet Jack Kelly. He’ll be in and out for the next few weeks.”

David and Jack finally make eye contact, and David sees the wide-eyed realization on Jack’s face.

“Hi,” David breathes, his hands clenching at his side.

Jack blinks. Hesitates, then raises his hand to wave. “...Hey.”

Hannah grins, and giggles between them as her hands clasp in front of her chest. “Oh, isn’t this just going to be great?”

That’s one way to put it, David thinks to himself, and by the flushed look on Jack’s face, he’s probably thinking the same damn thing.

[popculturebuffet]

Don Rosa: “The Magnificent Seven (Minus 4) Caballeros!” or City Slickers 3: The Crystal City

Saludos Amigos, the Ride of the Three Caballeros returns! After some time off to take care of other seasonal commissions and to finally get the life and times fo scrooge mcduck back on a steady pace, everyone’s three favorite chappies in snappy serapes are back for another go round.  This time i’ts back to comics one last time as we take a look at “The Magnificent Seven (Minus 4) Caballeros: which was the penultimate story from Duck Maestro Don Rosa, and as a result the final one set in present day, as while the next one would have a wraparound segment, it’s a flashback tiding up the one last bit of Scrooge’s past Rosa hadn’t clicked into place yet, and thus we’ll get to that eventually as part of life and times. And honestly it serves as a fittng and satisfying conclusion to Donald’s story. 

The geneisis of this one is rather simple in comparison to “The Three Caballeros Ride Again!”. Don Rosa REALLY enjoyed writing TTCRA, wanted to have another adventure with Donaldo and his boys, and given the previous story was a huge hit likely had no trouble convincing his publisher. And since he set the first story in Panchito’s home country of mexico, it only made sense to have the next story in Jose’s home country of Brazil. Adding to it Rosa specifically wanted to avoid using the amazon rainforest this go round, as to him pretty much every story involving Brazil focused on the massive and wonderful rainforest. And while a great setting, Rosa knew there was much more to the country and wanted to show it off. And to his credit.. he’s 100% right as i’ve seen dozens upon dozens of stories set in the rainforest but not nearly as many set ANYWHERE ELSE IN BRAZIL. If their lucky we get to see Rio, but that’s about it. So kudos to Rosa for wanting to display more of a beautiful country and show it had more to offer than merely it’s biggest attraction. As for what treasure they’d be after, the lost city of crystal stuck out to him, having been described in a goverment document that was so degraded when it was found there wasn’t much left to go on and searched for by a famous explorer who was the basis for indiana jones whose name I forgot but we’ll run into his name again later. So yeah not as much setup here and what tiny bit is left can be covered when we get to our villian. So with all that out of the way, let’s ride on!

We open with Scrooge firing Donald and throwing his ass out on the street, berating him for screwing up and then telling him to be back early tommorow to make up for his firing. Then Gladstone literally walks all over him becausae he’s a jackass, and Daisy then shrieks at donald for you know, being stuck on the floor, having messed up the shirt she ironed for him without.. actually you know asking for context, HITTING HIM, then telling him to pick her up for dinner at the ritz. 

It’s like this intro was perfectly designed in a lab to piss me off. All three of the characters who on a good day ar excellent but on a bad are outright monsters, at their worst, treating Donald like crap, i.e. the reason to call them monsters, and generally abusing him for flimsy reasons. And again Daisy HIT DONALD. No that’s not right, she shoryukened his ass! She upercutted him! God damn. And her just casually doing that is played for laughs. In a lesser Rosa story this would only get worst and be “oh haw haw”.. instead... to my delighted suprise.. this is all treated seriously. Yeah really. Instead of being treated for laughs like normal, and not being a dark enough work comedically to make it work like say It’s Always Sunny, Donald is seriously depressed, beaten down phsycially and mentlaly and when the boys, who’ve been present for all of this and tried to help him up off the ground, ask why he takes this.. the answer is pretty damn bleak. 

Just.. holy shit that’s dark.. and I applaud Rosa for not only recognizing this isn’t always funny, but for actually tackling it. And I will grant Donald being a butt monkey CAN be funny, especially when it’s caused by his own ego. It’s the basis of his entire career. It’s good stuff. My issue has been more that Rosa sometimes dosen’t get that either some aspects have aged poorly, even by the 90′s, and thus dosen’t adjust them or play them more for drama, sprinkling a bit of that in with the comedy. So to see him do that HERE, to acknowledge in some way his own faults and do something with them.. i’m very proud of him and it warms my heart that he could do something like this that shows he could grow and change, even SECONDS from the end of his career, but with no intention of ending his career at that point or even after finishing his next and last story. It just ended up happening that way and as such this story carries even more weight as for all intensive purposes, this is the final tale of Donald Duck for Don Rosa’s Barksian universe. This is the last big tale before whatever triggers Scrooge’s retirement, the last tale he wrote in the here and now. And while not perfect for some reasons we’ll get to from a character perspective? It’s a pretty good note to go out on. 

Anyways Donald somehow makes this SADDER by mentoing, when Huey, Dewey or Louie tries to make him smile that he hasn’t smiled in some time before sadly loping off to make their dinner before buying daisy’s. 

Yeah... I just.. I need a moment.... Here’s my asistant iwth an important message

Okay i’ve regained my composuer.. and yes I will be shwoing that off at every opportunity. I have generous friends. Now where were we? Ah yes with their uncle in a depression hole, can relate, they figure he needs a nice gift to get him out of it. The boys think he needs friends.. and of course the boys come to mind, though the fact their on the other end of the contient proves a problem.. but Huey, Dewey or Louie has a solution and takes the boys to the Woodchucks because of course they do> Their primary go to for anything is the guide which to be fair contains the entire sum of the world’s knowledge in a guidebook. 

So the boys, with the other two likely filled in on the way, plan becomes clear when they stop by Woodchuck HQ and talk to the guy in charge of the badge department, which ahs a fun acronym because of course it does, this is one of Rosa’s faviorite running gags and mine as well.. I just don’t have it in me stamina wise to type the whole thing out. Point is the boys ask that Donald be used as courier for a special shipment of badge’s to Rio. The authority guy is understandably a bit reluctant to give a non-woodchuck this duty, but the boys remind him that in a previous story, not sure if it’s barks or rosa’s, Donald apparently not only found the last remaning pieces of fort duckberg but saved them from the mill. As a result the Fort, which was the original HQ of the woodchucks until Scrooge threw them out, was apparently rebuilt. So the guy in charge is more than willing to not only give donald the duty, but an open ended plain ticket, i.e a vacation. The Nephews do have to guilt him a bit more to get donald a condsensed pamphlet based on the brazil chapter of the guidebook which at this point seems like overkill. Just.. buy him a guidebook boys. IT’s a bit much to ask that a portion of your heavily guarded and protected text be given to your uncle for a vacation and seems like a tad of a stretch but the gag, including the boys getting badges in guilt and convincing, makes it work. 

So after the boys set off to telegram the rest of the Cabs, we cut to donald arriving in rio, passing christ the redeemer on the way

The Rio Woodchucks greet donald and take the package for him, giving him new orders to go by cable car to the observation deck atop Sugar Loaf Mountain. This is a real mountain in Brazil and frustrated Rosa because he couldn’t find any pictures of what the station looked like in the 1950′s, despite as he put in his notes having eager fans from the region, researchers and other contacts try to find it, settling for having vintage cable cars pulling into modern stations he got from photos from said contacts. If I hadn’t said it before i’ll say it now the man is a BEAST when it comes to getting things acurate, only bending it if it helsp the story and still making sure his drawings are as accurate as possible. It’s one of Rosa’s most adimirable traits. 

Donald took a Donde, some form of streetcar there, hanging on the back and .. uh I have no words for this..

Donald Duck ran into a horse and it farted in his face. Just... why though. This horse naturally is Senior Marteniz, with Panchito currently being thrown out of a cable car for trying to put his horse in there which is fair. What isn’t is people having an issue with his hat. I mean.. people wear hats. I know it’s a bit big for the tight fit of the cable car but still it’s a bit weird to throw a strop about anywhere outside a theater or sports place where he’d be actively obstructing people’s view. And it appears to be the same weirdly crazy asshole.. Imean again the horse thing is resonable but calling it a “crazy hat” I mean yes it’s a big hat.. but ... you you do know mexico exists right? And sombreros? or other cultures at all you weirdly specific douche? 

At the top, after a quick and funny hat swap gag, Panchito reveals the triplets called him here.. as did Jose who assuemd it was  lovely senorita.. who uppercuts him. And it’s STILL more reasonable to uppercut some rando hitting on you, if not by much, than Daisy’s Domestic Abuse. Anyways the three put things together and Donald realizes via flashback the boys hoped his smile would return and said he’d have help. 

Donald, being utterly beaten down by life, apologizes.. but it turns out the boys needed this as much as he did. Jose’s night club career is flopping hard, with his agent unable to get him bookings and Panchito has barely scraped any money together for his ranch dream from last time. It’s a nice touch: That the boys , while having more exciting careers have just as much strife as Donald does and as much problem. It helps make them feel as real as donald, as characters with their own lives and adventures outside of him and their own wants and needs and it really helps the story come alive. Jose however has some suggestions to escape their blues. 

But Panchito suggests instead they go for some adventure and go diamond hunting in the plains of brazil, which the two agree to.. and Donald’s a big gung hoe about carving his way through human flesh.. just jesus man.. get a therapist. Your Ducktales counterpart did and he seems mildly well adjusted. So the adventure is on.. and they all toss their hats.. off a mountain. First thing on the provisoins list hats.  Before we head on I just wanted to point out even though most of my audience here is likely unaware the movie exists that this Comic honestly reminds me of the 1991 comedy City Slickers starring Billy Crystal, Daniel Stern and Bruno Kirby. If your struggling on the name Daniel Stern, think Marv from Home Alone. 

No.. the RIGHT marv. I may not be a huge fan of Home Alone but we respect Daniel sterns in this house. And yes if you didn’t know French Stewart played Marv in one of the sequels now you do. And i’m sorry you know that. 

There we go. Right Marv and Wrong Dad from Christmas story. Back on point City Slickers is a terrific comedy I finally saw a few weeks back about three friends all facing mid life crisises, with Billy Crystal being unsatisfied with his career and undsure WHY he does, Daniel Sterns having cheated on his shrewish wife with one of his employees whose also now pregnant, and Bruno Kirby being a ladies man whose faced with the prosepct of settling down, go for a weeks vacation to a cattle drive, as Brunos character tends to set up these trips but this time they actually need it. They encounter cows, assholes and a cowpoke named Curly. It’s pretty good. 

But yeah they both feel kinda similar, if with far less drama and crumbling marraiges on the cabs end because you know, this is for children. I’m pretty sure it’s just a concidence but given Rosa’s love of film, even if it’s more 30′s and 40′s films, and how the City Slickers seems right up his alley, I wouldn’t he suprised if he saw it and simply took some slight inspiration from it. Either way the similarity makes me giggle a bit. Again the plots aren’t all the same but the basic setup is about the same, complete with the main character’s family making sure he goes. It’s a bit of a stretch but I thought it was pointing out and while this review is comissioned, how I go about it isn’t so if I want to take a few paragraphs to compare this to an excellent comedy you should defintely see with two underated actors, maybe three i know nothing of bruno kirby other than the man had horse allergies and thus had to take heavy medication every day so good on him, and a lot of fun. 

So our premise and pastiche firmly in place, our heroes fly out to the frontier to adventure and Donald even thought ahead on them needing two more mounts and bought them from the local farmer for 100 bucks: It turns out their a llama, who jose takes and an old ox which donald reluctantly takes and wonders how to steer.. which I just got the double pun. Nice touch.

So our heroes head on with Donald expressing suprise they aren’t in the jungle like the movies, Jose correcting him, you get the bit he’s going for. But as they travel Donald not only breaks out the pamphlet but also , once jose mentions finding el dorado, casually mentions he and Scrooge already found it in columbia, and when Jose incrediously mentions that maybe he also already found the lost mines of the incas.. turns out yeah they did that too. Dont’ know if it was a barks or rosa story for either, since I didn’t check that part of Rosa’s notes, but it brings the scene into greatness as the boys not only belivie donald and figure he’s not pulling their legs.. but marvel at his life. And it’s here Donald smiles a bit.. he’s already got his smile back realizing that as miserable as his life can be.. he’s still seen and done things no man, even his globetrotting pals, has sever done before or sense. Found long lost places, solved mysteries and rewrote history.. sometimes literally sometimes in the “found things that changed historical knowledge” sense. Point is.. he realizes he has more to his life than he thought and maybe it isn’t so miserable after all. 

Donald also mentions the local waters are filled with stuff and the other Cabs mounts quickly climb on his continuting the gag of the Cabs assuming donald’s some big expert by accident. For me personally it varies in how funny it is, sometimes it’s grating othertimes it’s genuinelly pretty good, your mileage will vary. We then get a page and a half of slapstick with various animals and this gag repeated and it’s eh. Not bad, and there’s a REALLY great visual bit where donald gets squeezed by an anaconda and not only is he comically and tightly squeezeled, but it takes a few panels for it to wear off. Other than that not bad stuff but nothing especially new or really that funny. 

Our heroes soon find a pit trap.. and a capybara in said pit trap.. which I also give myself credit for recognizing on sight. Who dosen’t like a good capybara? Their basically a large brazillian rodent if you were curious. Donald asks what can they do and hte boys take it as a secret test of character, and not just donald being kind of lost and decide to help free trapped animals instead of treasure hunt which Donald, much like his entire life, just reacts to with “what what are we doing now?”. But they manage to free the greatful Capybara and we get this inspired bit. 

Naturally the sheer confusion of seeing this as well as being confronted with the relaly bizzare nature of his world, i.e. having both a rodent whose an old friend and one that’s clearly just a regular animal causes Donald to fall into the hole. He’s soon found by the natives.. and here we get one of the worst aspects of this story and one I honestly didn’t expect to encounter given Rosa’s research: Calling these indgeinous people’s.. “indians”. Yes really. 

We were in 2004 by this point, and even in the cultural cesspool of the early 2000′s, a time where micheal jacksons actions towards children were used for reams of jokes and where R.Kelly got off for the same just because “he makes the good musics”. What i’m saying is even in this time in history, we knew better than to use the term indian and I remember distinctily the term native american being in my text books even at this point as a kid. So Rosa, a world traveled knowledgable adult.. has no excuse for this, not even “It was the 50′s when this was set and they’d used this” as while he had Scrooge being mildly racist in “The Empire Builder from Callisota”, he didn’t you know, have scrooge use the fucking n word or other slurs during the story because you know that’s racist and he knows it’s racist. I’m coming down so hard on him because I expect BETTER. I can, even if it bothers me and I will give out about it, KINDA ignore the daisy stuff because domestic violence against men wasn’t as wellk nown, so while it dosen’t play well and I won’t pretend to enjoy it I can at least understand why rosa thought this was funny when it isn’t> This? The man clearly should know better, should know to use correct terms, and is usually better about this, but just isn’t here and for one of his last stories it’s REALLY depressing to see a man I have a ton of respect for fail this badly. It’s just a small element of hte story but it really sticks out badly and says bad things about an otherwise good man. Even a good man can really fuck up and Don.. honestly really fucked up even when, normally his portryal of indigneous people’s is really good.. and is for the rest of the story. This is just a really bad if really easy to miss bit I feel he deserves some flak over it. He knew better. This story proves he knows better in other ways and knows indgenous people deserve resepect. He just dosen’t show it in his laungauge and it’s disheartaning. 

Anyways, the Natives drop donald off with their cheif.. who turns out to not only speak perfect english, but has a rather nice modern setup and clothes. He’s the son of the former cheif whose dad, using a secret crystal city with a rich mine, paid for his son to go get an education in the US and hopefully bring back knowledge for his people. Instead all he learned was to be a greedy selfish asshat who calls his own people “savages”. This is what i’m talking about: While the indian thing is bad and Rosa should feel bad.. the rest of the story does treat these tribal peoples with genuine grace and care, as our main villian is shown as one partly because rather than respect his culture and simply use thenew knowledge of the outside world to help his people by educating them, bringing back new techniques and medcidnes while mixing it with thier old culture, the bastard prince simply wrote them off as savages and used his new learnings to rule them and get them into trapping, a buisness i’ts later made clear at the end of hte story they don’t like and only followed him because he’s their chief. And it dosen’t even come off as them following him as chief because their stupid, mainly just because of tradition and knowing they can’t escape him and he’d just find htem and find some way to cowtow them. The tribe here are innocent victimes forced into a life they don’t want by an asshole who became a colonizer instead of a hero and leader to his people and simply wants to sell them out as soon as possible to fiance a fancy and comfy life for himself.  The bad guy here is recycled from Rosa’s pre scrooge work, and works well here and honestly.. is a good villian and a good antagonist, something Rosa struggled with sometimes when not just using what barks made. He’s a chillingly realistic villian: someone who would step on where he came from instead of helping it and again treats these people as simple victims forced to be minons by circumstance and as the end of the story shows, and we’ll get to that, not nearly as stupid or “savage” as this cruel bastard thinks. And naturally being a cruel bastard, Chief, since his name isn’t given, plans to ransom donald as he naturally has no hangups about selling people AND rare animals. Thankfully Donald’s only a prisoner for a bit as Donald’s ox makes a back door and with the help of their mounts the boys free all the trapped animals and escape.. with Senior Martinez accidently taking the Chief’s necklace. Turns out that’s the sigal that signals his right to rule, so he figures if the tribe finds out it’s missing they’ll rightfully dump his ass and tells them to give chase, which the cabs find out about via a wild parrot. It’s better not to ask. 

So our heroes head into the wilderness to loose them and find a rocky slope, making their way up to some more plains. They now have both a high vantage, and a place to set up camp so do so. They also found out Martinez took the necklace, and now know why the chief is after them, but Panchito decides to keep it for now till they can figure out what to do with it. SO over the camp fire Donald decides that if they can find this lost mine that the Cheif’s dad used to go to,  they won’t need to look for diamonds the hard way and Jose’s skepticism is rebuffed by the fact that Donald’s found plenty of lost cities with scrooge.  So donald brings up the legend of the crystal city, with the guy who found it being colonel percy fawceet, and brings up more adventures you get the bit by now. Point is he mentions a crystal arch lighting up at night to ward off intruders.. and sure enough our heroes happen to be right by it, complete with a crystal road that simply had been covered by shale over the years. Donald decides to get some rest and head out in the morning, with a valid explination as to why not to worry about hteir perusers till then: It’s so dark that even if they left a trail, they can’t follow.. which the evil cheif agrees to though he finds the trail they dug up, pointing as an arrow and now realizing his dad’s treasure was real, plans to naturally exploit the hell out of it.  So the next morning, bright and early, our heroes have built a raft, and are greatful they looked in first as the waters are stalked with dangerous predatory creatures. How htey haven’t all killed each other, I do not no, but it looks cool so i’ll shut up now. So our heroes leave their mounts behind and head in up the stream via the raft and find the massvie and awe inspiring lost city.. as for why it hasnt’ been found they soon figure out why: THe stream in is dangerous, and jose figures it was delebratly packed with dangerous animals, and thus few would think to go in there, and the only ohter way up is scaling the cliffs it’s build into, but as the cities built into the sides of said cliffs, no one can see it from a distance. It’s a birlliant way to justify just WHY something remained lost and somthing barks is tremendous at. Our heroes soon find though that the canal go deeper and approaches a water fall.. and thus jump off loosing their only way back and thus heading in deeper to see if they can find another way out. Meanwhile the Cheif has found the swamp and recongizes his dad mentoning it and being a greedy jackass, and suddenly realizing that maybe his people won’t want to loot the city their swarn to protect, tells them to guard the Cabs mounts while he goes on ahead. 

Our heroes journey deeper into the unknown and after coming across pick axes mine carts and the like find the mines of fear.. lit with crystals and with wall to wall gems. So they’ve sucessful founds the lost minds of ophir, set up by one of king solomon’s realtiives. The actual King Solomons Mines had been found in a barks story, naturally and is also likely the basis for the african mines level in the ducktales game. 

Donald being donald.. ends up sitting on a giant anaconda who swallows him whole as he dosen’t realize just how big the thing is when his pals mention it to him, and only escapes through Dumb Luck, as is the duck family way, lighting a match and causing the Anadonda to spit him out and run... unfortunately not only does Panchtio loudley announce he dosen’t have his pistols, The Chief shows up with a gun. Naturally he intends to plunder, because jackass you see, and intends to leave the cabs stranded, with the anaconda picking them off one by one when they inevitibly have to sleep while he’ll come back with inflatable rafts and boats to loot the rest. The cabs bemoan the fact that their fucked.. and then this happens. 

So with that Donald FINALLY snaps, tired of taking the world’s shit and determined not to be the looser everyone around him but his boys clearly think he is. Seriously Donald.. dump. her. ass. It’d also tell you to dump gladstone in a shallow ditch but given your love for hacking through human flesh and his luck I don’t want you to impale yourself. So thus.. Donald stops getting polite and starts getting badass.. shouting THAT’S THE LAST STRAW BEFORE.. .. welll...

Bad. Ass. Also who knew Donald was part Kree? Wait .. how though? Questions for later. So as Donald gives the asshole his RICHELY deserved asshole a beat down, the anaconda pops up and grabs the boat.. with Donald STILL fighting the Chief the whole time. Holy shit. If this is your last time writing a character in a lead role what a note to go out on holy jesus. The cabs however show their CLOSE to as badass with Panchito roping the anconda and Jose attacking it once it curls around.. and unlike last time where his umbrella was quickly disarmed, here the Anaconda eats the tip.. only for Jose to expand it and on Panchito’s command, hook the damn thing. I didn’t relaize till writing this up just HOW badass this story’s climax is.. just holy shit this is awesome incarnate. 

Donald ends up loosing the fight eventually as asshole whomps him on the head with the gems.. and sends donald flying, destroying the gate regulating the water thanks to freeing the anaconda. As a result asshole escapes.. for about five seconds till he drops over the falls, presumibly to his MUCH deserved death and even if he surivives, likely wont��� for long without anything to defend himself. Goodbye asshole, you were a good villian but you’ll be better tarantula chow. 

Our heroes are still stranded.. but Panchito notices the Anadconda escaping and well... he decides to equal donald in badassery. Again..words do not do this justice. 

Our heroes disembark, and find that the tribe has been held at bay by the noble steeds, and as I mentioned earlier, and why despite the frequent use of .. that word i’ve said enough already, this story isn’t too bad. The tribe, once free.. are perfectly intellegent and nice, only in the game because of tradition that asshole abused. Their going to head deeper into the valley on the offchance asshole makes it back so he can’t find them. So the tribe is free and seeing the emblem as the symbol of their opressor and not wanting it, they can likely make a new necklace honestly just without the gems, Panchito gets to keep it. So our heroes won, the adventure is over and our heroes head back to rio

In our final scene we get our wrap up with our heroes back in Rio to enjoy what’s left of their vacation.. which given the scope of events only two days of it have passed so far, so it’s nicely implied they have a day or two before Donald has to go back where he can just.. enjoy himself. Have an actual vacation now his soul is whole again. Our heroes went to the authorities, and it turns out the Chief was one of the most infamous trappers in Brazil, and is now again either dead or in no way shape or form easily able to come back into the country.. and when he does, he’ll now have every officer in the country on his ass.So in short he’s pretty fucked and i’m pretty happy about that.  Naturally our heroes dont’ get to keep the mines, because well... it belongs ina museum.. or to become a museum and cultural landmark and the boys know and respect that. But Jose and Panchito both still got something out of the deal: for starters they have their confidence back, as seeing tthey could keep up with donald after realizing what a legend their friend is restored their own weary souls. Meanwhile, Jose’s newfound fame as the man who found a new brazilian cultural touchstone means his agent was able to get him booked up for a year, while Panchito , after consulting with the good senior martenez, decided ot keep the broach, and use it to get their ranch. And Donald? What did he find?

Donald found his smile again. He’s found himself again. After letting life beat him to near death, to just a souless shell. he’s found the real Donald. He’s realized that despite Scrooge’s finaical abuses he lives a rich full life. It’s part of why I compared the story to city slickers. While Donald’s life is far worse off than Billys, like him he finds himself again after the rousing adventure. And who knows what his future holds? Given Scrooge’s grave picture, yes Rosa drew that, he probably does marry daisy and work for the old bat.. but maybe now he can fight back, refuse to let htem walk all over him and actually find a healthy relationship with daisy and with his uncle before his uncle finally retires to Goldie’s loving arms. I could be wrong, it could be same as it ever was just he gets angry again.. but I like to think of something better for our boy. A better life and one more fufilled and more happy and one where he finally finds his pot of gold. He may not of found it yet but well.. there’s always another rainbow and he realizes that now just as his uncle did years ago. Donald is finally whole again to find his hapniess and a better life. Maybe with daisy, maybe with scrooge, maybe without them. Probably without Gladstone because he needs to cut that tumor out of his life, but still, he’s found himself and sometimes that’s all you need to find your purpose. So with that warm thought in my head our heroes play us out one last time. Well not for the restrospective obviously but still. 

Final Thoughts; While I do prefer the previous story, on going through this again for the review, I did find this story utterly charming and a great way to send off our boys and Donald for Rosa’s work. While again that one word is very unfortunate and Rosa should’ve known better, otherwise the story is pretty imaculate, using history to build a thrilling story with tons of character and a tremendous arc for Donald. And as I said the villian is excellent and overally the story is pretty great. Maybe held back a bit by the racisim, but the rest of the story is so joyous, badass and well crafted, it’s easy enough to override the less savory aspects. Dosen’t mean they didn’t need to be noted it just means this story is magificent and as usual for Rosa’s work I recommend it. 

Next time on the Ride of the Three Cablleros: We go to Disney Juinor for Mickey’s Perfecto Day! ..... whelp at least it’s a short one. 

And if you’d like to comission your own review, their just five bucks, jsut direct message me, tell me what you’d like, and I will send you the link on my paypal and get to it asap. Thank you so much for reading and have a happy holiday. 

[twitchesandstitches]

some more mad science OC lady thoughts:

I’m thinking of her name being something like Shundari

her surname, if any, is undecided. she likes to use a variety of super science heroine names in the business; they probably tend to have alliteration or emphasize her intended role as someone providing improvements and help; something like Doctor Delight, as an example!

she probably follows the traditional mad science vibe of having a title like Doctor or Professor, but in her case she’s not actually accredited and she’s mortified by this. she’s presumably from a backwoods or obscure region where her learning is not considered accredited by the setting at large (and this can be adjusted for the sake of a given setting or scenario), and she knows her stuff, but she doesn’t have the credentials and she’s greatly mortified by this.

accordingly she has the vibe of a quack, phony and someone prone to malpractice, but the thing is she is legitimately good at what she does; a running gag, or at least theme with her, is that she constantly gives off the vibe of someone who you really don’t want tinkering with your ticker. Or guts. Or organs. “Don’t worry I can fix this in a jiffy!” she says happily as she brings out a chainsaw for undoing some medical stitches. The chainsaw is actually a high-preicison device that snips things neatly without any untidiness, but somehow her presentation is always needlessly ominous and she remains completely unaware of coming off this way until it looks worst.

I’m considering basing some of her abilities on Genius the Transgression, an EXCELLENT fan-made supplement for the New World of Darkness centered around mad scientists, measuring their ability to design weird gadgets based on what the gadgets do (rather than aesthetic or medium). Thus, she’s probably most skilled at Metaptropi and Exelxi for starters. that is to say, she’s good at gadgets that transform things (including herself) with size growth or shapeshifting as regular examples, and gadgets that improve or heal things. (if I was to model her as a genius straight up, she would probably be a Staunen, who tend to lean towards scanning-type things, so that would be something to consider.)

of note, she’s not very good with straight damage dealers; she CAN make death rays, gloves of KILL EVERYTHING, and cannons that blow up your capacity to be interested in further violence, but they’re not necessarily very effective. She tends to work better at creating power armor or enhancing devices that make you stronger or better able to fight, rather than just do super-science weaponry.

if she was to have a specific aesthetic, it would probably be most akin to a post-cyberpunk/extropic vibe (big bulky machinery, a bit of a 90s cassette appearance, organic cybernetics with a BIT of modern biopunk)

i’m not saying that extreme sexuality would be an inherent part of her character, but it would be fitting for her to, say, straddle someone while excitedly taking note of their mutations while meaning nothing sensual by it

[army-of-mai-lovers]

Comparing ATLA’s Jet to Cowboy Bebop’s Spike

(this is so late, but. Happy birthday @the-hot-zone​, hope you had an amazing day) 

In my opinion, Cowboy Bebop is one of the greatest shows ever created. It hits a lot of my personal favorite attributes in a TV show: cowboys, fantastic music, absolutely spectacular animation, really deep themes and characters with rich inner lives, worldbuilding that’s thought out. Simply put, it’s a masterpiece. 

I started watching Bebop this summer, at the height of the ATLA Renaissance, and the first thing I noticed about protagonist Spike Spiegel is that he looked a hell of a lot like Jet from ATLA. And it wasn’t just the looks either: like Jet, Spike is the leader of a ragtag group of misfits living on the fringes of society. Like Jet, Spike is a smooth talker. Like Jet, Spike is compassionate and cares for other people, and like Jet, the world has hardened Spike to the point where his virtues can still lead him down the wrong path. And while Jet isn’t named for Spike, there’s a character in Bebop named Jet (he sort of plays the right hand person role that Smellerbee plays for Jet in ATLA.) They’re not completely similar--Spike isn’t fighting for anybody’s liberation, whereas for Jet that’s a core aspect of his character--but it was enough to make me wonder about how Jet was designed and how much influence Bebop had on his character design and on ATLA as a whole, and whether looking at Spike can illuminate some of the conversations we’ve been having about Jet. 

A little about the inspiration and process of ATLA: Bryan and Michael were working on shows like Family Guy when they decided they wanted to make something more sincere and more cinematic. They were both really inspired by anime. Bryan said “Back in the late '90s I was getting pretty disillusioned with working on sitcoms -- then I saw Princess Mononoke and I was emboldened. My heart was so much closer to that kind of story, those kinds of characters and that type of tone. After that, Cowboy Bebop really inspired us in terms of being a great example of an epic series that had a wide breadth of tones. Then FLCL came along and rewrote the rules for everything, as far as I'm concerned!” I haven’t seen FLCL, I’ll admit, but having seen both Bebop and Princess Mononoke--yeah, I get that. Both are incredible pieces of art that, for me personally, make me want to push myself as an artist, and I cannot recommend both enough if you haven’t seen them already. 

So, Bryan and Michael decide they want to make something inspired by shows like Bebop and movies like Princess Mononoke, they get a pilot order from Nickelodeon and, as is custom at the time, they start reaching out to East Asian animation studios to help them with the animation. This video is a great source for how ATLA in particular interacted in this environment, but suffice to say that Bryan built a relationship with the studio that did a lot of work for ATLA, JM Animation, and gave them a lot of creative freedom in making the visuals of the show. This included designing Jet and the rest of the Freedom Fighters. 

[ID: An image of Jet from ATLA from the shoulders up against a sky background fading from blue at the top to white at the bottom. He had dark skin, shaggy black hair, black eyes, eyebrows turned way up, a smirk on his face, and some wheat in his mouth. He is wearing a red jacket with a gray popped collar. End ID] 

[ID: An image of Spike from Cowboy Bebop from the shoulders up against a sky blue background with trees behind him. He has shaggy dark brown hair that has a slight bit more curl in it than Jet’s, dark brown eyes, light skin, and a closed mouth smile on his face. He is wearing a blue suit with a yellow shirt that has a popped collar, and a skinny black tie/ End ID] 

So, let’s look at the character design. Both Spike and Jet have these long, angular faces, shaggy dark hair, long necks, broad shoulders, dark eyes, some popped collar element to their attire, etc. While both characters are pretty tall and lanky, Spike’s height is more immediately obvious than Jet’s--in fact, I wouldn’t think of Jet as a tall character had I not seen some fandom height comparisons. The most obvious and immediate differences between how the characters physically look are their clothes, which are very different (likely due to the setting--ATLA is set in a proto-industrial war-torn society and Jet in particular has had to scavenge his clothes from Fire Nation troops, while Bebop is a space epic set in the far future), the lack of mouth wheat for Spike, Spike’s incredibly normal looking eyebrows versus Jet’s adorable long division eyebrows, and, of course, their skin tones. Colorism is something that people bring up a lot when talking about Jet’s character, and I have to wonder why Jet, a character that was so clearly inspired by this light-skinned character who was morally ambiguous in Bebop, was made darker-skinned when explicitly coded as a “villain” in ATLA. 

In fact, colorism is a super important aspect of how Jet and Spike’s stories are told. To its credit, ATLA has two MCs (Sokka and Katara) with dark skin (not that the fanartists who whitewash them notice) while Bebop has just one (Ed). However, it’s important to note that Sokka and Katara are each portrayed in ways that Aang or other lighter-skinned characters in the show simply aren’t. For example, despite both characters being literal teenagers, they are sexualized within the text of the show. Another example of the colorism in ATLA is, of course, Jet, a Brown boy leading a resistance against oppressive colonialist imperialist forces, being so unambiguously vilified. Yes, within the text, Jet has some sense of complexity, especially in Book 2, but even that is undermined by his death at the hands of the Dai Li. Jet is never given the subjectivity of a character like Zuko. In fact, it’s pretty clear that Jet’s redemption and subsequent death happens when it does to demonstrate what Zuko is capable of if he makes the right choice. Whether or not this is a good decision writing-wise is another discussion, but the fact of the matter is that in using Jet to further Zuko’s arc, bryke used a Brown teenage boy/victim of imperialist violence to prop up the narrative of a light-skinned prince/perpetrator of imperial violence. This is not to say that Zuko shouldn’t have been redeemed or that Jet shouldn’t have died or that the narrative shouldn’t have dedicated time and attention to Zuko’s story, but it is to say that ultimately, the writers of the show decided that Jet’s subjectivity was a tool to further Zuko’s actualization. 

Contrast this to Spike. Bebop is about a lot of things, but a core part of it is exploring Spike’s backstory and way of looking at the world. It’s part of what makes the show the show. It’s the thing that keeps you liking the guy even when he says or does something absolutely unconscionable. Nothing in the show is more important than Spike’s subjectivity. The show may have individual episodes that focus on the other main characters, but it’s pretty clear that it’s really *about* Spike. Where does Spike come from? What is his obsession with the past? Why do all these people want to kill him? Who is Julia? These are all prescient questions that I had as a viewer of Bebop, and these were questions that were not only important to understanding Spike Spiegel, but to understanding the narrative that the writers, director, and animators are telling. Bebop is nothing without Spike’s subjectivity, and the people behind the show invest in his narrative even though he does some pretty horrible things! (kills many people, is part of a crime syndicate at one point, says some pretty misogynistic crap, hell, the whole concept of the show is that he and his buddies hunt people down for money.) As I said before, Spike is morally ambiguous, an antihero, and the people behind Bebop run with that, because that is an integral part of the story that they’re telling. 

You could certainly argue that ATLA, being a show for children, needs clear heroes and villains, to be unambiguous in its depiction of right and wrong. And to an extent that would be correct. But let’s not forget that ATLA is not shy in its depiction of morally ambiguous characters. That’s an integral part of what the show is. Characters like Zuko, Iroh, Mai, Azula, and Ty Lee are beloved despite (or perhaps because of) their complex moral frameworks. Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee in particular move between designations of villain, victim, and hero pretty fluidly (Iroh and Azula are two other conversations in themselves.) I personally am okay, and in fact delighted, to have Zuko, Mai, Azula, and Ty Lee in the show because I think their stories and the ways that they move between evil, good, and morally gray are incredibly compelling. We know why they act the way they do, and we can condemn or validate their actions while always knowing exactly where they’re coming from. 

But then I see Jet. Jet, whose village was burned down by the Fire Nation. Jet, who survived by himself and helped 5 other people survive along the way, while leading an organized resistance against the Fire Nation on wits alone. Jet, who somehow ended up in Ba Sing Se, his new family cut in half, wanting to start over. So much of him is a blank slate. Where Spike in Bebop, or Zuko, Iroh, Mai, Azula, and Ty Lee in ATLA, get fleshed out, have the writers convey specific information that helps the audience understand their actions and motivations, even if they’re wrong, Jet never gets that sort of care in his narrative. Jet never gets to be the center of ATLA, even for a moment, even in his own death. There’s always something more pressing, something more meaningful, than Jet. You could argue (I certainly would) that the show would be better if we spent more time with him, if the writers cared to understand him, but unlike Bebop and Spike, the show doesn’t revolve around the audience understanding Jet. The story is coherent without him. In book 3, despite the fact that Jet sacrificed his life for them, the Gaang only brings up Jet once, and that’s to condemn him. Jet’s story is a tragedy, an important one, but only insofar as it props up other pieces of the narrative. And that’s the most tragic part of it. 

[xxx-cat-xxx]

Razzmatazz

TW alcohol consumption and mention of alcoholism. Thanks to @whumphoarder for beta reading and @newnewyorker93 for your support!

_______________

For all the ways Rhodey mentally prepared himself to find his best friend the weekend after his breakup, he somehow missed adding singing along to 90s pop to the list. 

“Noone’s gonna care if you don’t ca-all when you said,” Tony screams off-key in a fake British accent along with the vocals blasting through the workshop.

Bit of an obvious choice, Rhodey thinks, recognising the lyrics, but keeps that to himself. What he calls into the room instead is, “Anyone home?”

“Platypus, so good you’re here!” Tony’s voice comes from somewhere behind half a mountain of old Iron Man suit parts that currently take up most of the workshop’s assembly platform. “Come ‘ere, you have to check this out!” 

Rhodey obediently steps towards the source of the noise and finds his friend in dirty black jeans and an even dirtier undershirt in front of a virtual wall of holographic screens, motor oil and a smug grin decorating his face. “All these little things…” he hums, swinging his hips and suggestively wiggling an eyebrow at Rhodey when he comes into view.

I don’t care, Tony’s attitude says. 

I care way too much, Rhodey reads in his always-too-expressive eyes, in the way he pops the consonants just a little bit too hard, and in the half-empty bottle of Bourbon he’s gripping loosely. Rhodey notices the last thing with a tinge of sadness―Pepper had just gotten Tony to limit the hard liquor exclusively to weekends and parties. But then, if Pepper were still here, none of this would be happening.

“Tune it down a bit, FRI,” Rhodey orders and feels his ears ringing with the sudden lack of noise when the volume drops to less assaulting levels. 

He steps through the virtual screens and lays a hand on Tony’s shoulder, taking in the blue-tinged landscape of multitasking spread out in front of them. The engineer has set down the bottle and is now modifying the design schematics for a pair of glasses that’s inexplicably named BARF.

“These VR glasses or something?” Rhodey asks, frowning at the specifications. 

“You wish.” Tony twists around on his swivel chair and snaps his fingers at Rhodey. “It’s better. Way, way better. But that’s not for tonight.” 

He hits a virtual enter key and then minimises the screen with a flick of his hand, apparently forgetting what it was he’d wanted to show Rhodey originally. Instead, he offers the bottle.  

The sadness in Rhodey’s chest spreads like cold water, settling in to stay, but he accepts the drink, because tonight it’s either both of them getting hammered or Tony inevitably kicking him out after two hours to continue alone, and that’s not happening on his watch. 

So, minutes after midnight, they find themselves driving down the seemingly endless and fortunately empty forest road connecting the compound to the city, more than a little shitfaced. Tony has backtracked another few decades in music history and is now letting Black Sabbath blast into the woods and probably traumatising half a dozen wild bird species.

“This is fun, honeybear!” he shouts, taking his hands off the steering wheel for a dangerously long few seconds to punch Rhodey in the shoulder. “It’s been so long! The taste of freeedom, baby!"

Rhodey doesn’t call him out on his lie; he doesn’t have to. Nor on the drunk driving, because apart from being the world's first self-made superhero and holder of four PhDs, Tony Stark is possibly also the world’s most high-functioning alcoholic, and even in this state, Rhodey knows with certainty that he won’t crash them.

Instead, he just watches him, and waits. For the end of the night, the end of the charade, and the inevitable breakdown.

*

The woman on the porch has voluminous, dark red curls and is wearing nothing but an oversized AC/DC t-shirt, and for a very weird moment, Happy has a vision of Natasha stealing some of Tony’s clothes. Then her face comes into view and he sees that she’s got at least 15 years on Nat. Well. 

When she kisses Pepper good-bye on the lips, he turns reflexively to check the opposite side of the street for paparazzi. Not strictly necessary in this part of the city, but old habits die hard.

“Nice evening?” he asks conversationally when Pepper deposits first her oversized handbag, and then herself, into the backseat. 

“Very nice,” his boss responds with a sweet smile on perfectly red-painted lips. “This was long overdue.” 

Happy winks at her through the rearview mirror and pulls out of the parking space, joining the early morning traffic jams of tiredness. 

“Thanks for picking me up,” Pepper says. “I’d have taken a cab, but I got a high-level call with China in twenty that I wouldn’t want any of the taxi drivers to overhear.”

“No worries,” he assures, then curses when he narrowly misses a blindly opened door of an SUV half stopped on the sidewalk. “Amateurs,” he hisses. 

By the time they leave Douglaston, Pepper is already scrolling through her phone, the relaxed smile from earlier replaced by a tightness around her lips and a slight crease on her forehead. Happy doesn’t have to ask what she’s doing. He’s well aware of her morning ritual―knows that she’s going through the email alerts she set for the mention of Tony Stark, knows that the tensed facial expressions will only disappear once she’s positive that Tony didn’t get killed, kidnapped, or taken into police custody the previous night. 

“Pepper…”

“Stop reading in cars, I know I know,” she waves off without looking up. 

Happy wasn’t about to say that, but he doesn’t disagree. Instead, almost softly, he adds: “He’s fine.” 

“Yeah.” She nods and closes her eyes briefly, exhaling. Glances back down at her phone. 

“I texted with Rhodey this morning. Long night, they’re both hungover, but otherwise alright. Now stop before you actually make yourself sick.” 

Relief blooms on her face for the fraction of a second before she catches herself and covers it with professional indifference. “Good to know,” she says, in a tone as if he’d told her there might be snow tomorrow. 

And if Happy was any other person, he’d probably let out a sigh loud enough to wake the whole block. But he’s a boxer-driver-forehead-of-security and friend, so he just takes a deep inhale, in through the mouth and out through the nose, and turns on the radio. 

And quietly smiles to himself when his boss declines the offer to drive her back to Douglaston tonight. 

Because Pepper and Tony might not know it yet, but there's a small piece of jewellery hidden away in the pocket of his suit jacket, the weight of which tells him their story's far from over.

___

All my fics

Pepperony Series

[baby-grayson]

Kind Stranger|GBD|Finale

Parts 1-13

Words: 2.5k Tags: @not-gbd​ @styles-dolan​ @evergreendolan​ @someonetogray​ @vintagedolan​ @prettyboydolan​ @dolansficsandpics​ @graysavant​ @baby-turtles​ @dolanpornhub​ @wheezeatmedolans​ @dolansontheblock​

A/N: I can’t believe we have arrived here. There are so many things I want to say and I can’t thank you enough for reading, especially if you started reading with part 1. This story had re-energized me as a writer for the first time in years. I’ll keep it brief, but this is so special to me. I can never hear enough from your guys about your thoughts, opinions, and reactions. 

Grayson Dolan was lucky that his home in Malibu was a rental. Being a rental, he could throw it in the back of his mind and forget about it when he moved into his new, renovated home. He would have the chance to walk into a new space, a fresh space, and decorate every corner of the house with new memories. When he was ready to move into that new house, promising opportunity and positive potential, he could choose to leave all his memories from the rental in the past.

Grayson was running out of spaces that weren’t tainted by the events of the summer. Kate’s apartment was stained in the ghosts of their first night together. The beach was sullied by the first time they met, and the first time they said I love you. His van was forever soiled by their first kiss. Hell, even the LA county aquarium was discolored in the memories of their first date.

They were all good memories. No, they were great memories. But they were the remnants of the internal war he struggled with that summer. Some days, he was a normal 20-year-old guy; kissing his girlfriend for the first time when taking her home from their first date as her lips opened like a rose against his surprised mouth, admiring her as he drove down the freeway while she sang along to 90s pop songs while the wind blew through her hair, waking up in the morning and adoring how the morning sunlight cast beautiful shadows over her angelic face from where she snored in his arms. By night, he was a struggling 20-year-old star; watching the love of his life break down when he had ignorantly asked her to keep their relationship on his terms, stuttering in front of a fan while his petite, feminine, heroine faced the daunting aisles of a CVS alone, and laboring for coherent words, feelings, and breaths while staring at her fragile, soft frame draped in his shirt. 

All those moments happened in spaces. Tainted spaces. Colored in the story of a young man who was given everything he wanted, before he was ready for it. 

Now, Grayson Dolan was faced with a decision that tormented him in a way he hadn’t realized was possible.

Grayson Dolan was no stranger to hazardous emotions. He knew them all too well: grief, guilt, and all-encompassing self-hatred.

And yet, she made it all fade away. She made him feel light.  She lifted his heart up. Her demure hands supported his heart with a strength that induced the inner sensations that he was a man who had never been hurt before. 

But that was far from the truth. He knew the ache of a broken heart better than most people. He knew it well before he had met her, but Kate had reminded him more than once what it felt like to be a man without a center of gravity. She never meant to: she never sought to break Grayson’s heart. He recognized her drive to be an independent woman and her uneasiness with his lifestyle. Grayson knew, in his deepest of hearts, that she would never purposefully hurt him.

Kate loved him. She really truly loved him. Grayson could see it in the gold flakes in her eyes. He felt it in the way she would always look for his hand to grab onto. He heard it in her groggy words during the early mornings they shared together. He tasted it every time her luscious lips pressed sweetly against his. He would forever associate the small of love with sweet vanilla and citrus undertones. 

His definition of love was Kate. 

So much so, that a year later Grayson would design a candle for Wakeheart. He worked tirelessly on the perfect blend of sweet vanilla and fragrant citrus. He packaged it in a gold label, reminiscent of the traces in Kate’s eyes. He named it Love.

But on that August night, Grayson Dolan was very lucky that his home was a rental. It meant that a man who clung tightly to emotional memories and nostalgia, could speak without the fear of returning to a triggering space every day. 

A small open window allowed sweet summer air to diffuse through the living room. Kate sat across from Grayson, on an armchair. She wore a pensive look, with a tight mouth and concerned eyes. Her long eyelashes touched the tops of her cheekbones only to blink, the only time she took her eyes off Grayson. Her hands gently fingered the arms of the chair, feeling a soft velvet plush. 

Grayson sat on his couch, with a hunched back. He balled his hands into fists and tangled them between his knees. He exhaled roughly and sucked on his teeth. He grabbed the side of his face and slid his hand into his hair. He unlocked his jaw and let out another breath. Inwardly, he decided that breaking the silence was more important than choosing the perfect words, “I’m sorry.” That was always a good place to start when you felt terrible.

Kate swallowed audibly and sat back in her chair, keeping every muscle stiff. “You’re sorry?” She knitted her eyebrows together.

 Grayson gave a small nod, “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you.”“I realize now that maybe I love you in a way, a deep way, that you will never love me.” His heart twisted in on itself, “And it’s not right if I want you around in hopes that you will someday, somehow, suddenly start feeling the things for me that I have felt for you all along.”

 “You loved me in a way that I never loved you?” Her voice was soft, surprised, and colored in shock. She repeated his words out loud not for emphasis, but in hopes that saying them would help her achieve the smallest ounce of understanding. 

Grayson nodded and bit the corner of his bottom lip, “Yeah.” He took in a rough breath, “I just—” he looked down at the ground and back at Kate, “I look at you and I see everything.” He started to spiral, “I love you in a way that makes my brain dizzy. That makes me wish you were in every room. That makes me think about how you slept last night. That ---” he bit his lip, struggling to turn emotions into words, “That tells me a life without you will always be worse, in every way, than one with you.”

“Grayson,” Kate started, her face contorting into images of sadness, confusion, and horror, “I do.” She nodded, a big indigent towards his implications. “I do love you Grayson, I told you that.” “I know you do, but you just—you rule every corner of my mind and heart,” he held out his palms from where he sat. Grayson searched his mind for his next words, but he quickly learned that your truest thoughts will always come from your heart, “I almost wish you could meet yourself as another person so that you might understand how hard it is for me not to love you with everything in me.”

Kate felt a crack from deep insider her being. Her mind went blank. Her stare was so strong that she bored holes in the top of Grayson’s head from where he looked at the floor. When he looked up to meet her eyes, he saw a tear drop down the left side of her face. 

She shook her head softly, in disbelief at what was happening. She spoke outwardly and without redress, “Is that why you invited me over? To tell me that I never loved you enough?” Her voice broke, “I didn’t know what this was supposed to be Grayson,” she felt a large tear well up on her eyelid, “but I wouldn’t have come if I knew this is what you were going to say.”

Grayson’s eyes darted around her figure, from her tears to her shaky hands to her crossed ankles and to quivering lip. His breath stopped. His eyes wanted to crawl inward and never return to light again. His heart, which was already hanging on a loose thread, dove into the pits of his being.

He was seeing her cry for the first time. 

He was seeing her cry for the first time. And he was the reason she was crying.

 Grayson’s tongue moved in his dry mouth. His words were unsure, shaking like a rickety bridge hanging above an open chasm. “Not just to say that, I—I wanted to talk about why I don’t think we should be friends anymore.” He tucked his hands underneath his thighs to avoid succumbing to his instincts to hold her, “I love you too much to just be your friend.”

Kate shook her head, more than dissatisfied with his response. “Fine,” she was curt, “We can not be friends. We can be something else,” her face was turned down in sadness, but her voice held a pitch of bitterness. “But” she clenched her teeth, “do not say,” she stuck out a finger toward him, “that you love me,” her voice broke, “more.” Kate closed her eyes, forcing a few tears to stray down her face. She pointed her face towards the ceiling, as if the air was better up there. She brought her face down. “Grayson Dolan you really don’t know what you do to me.” She opened her eyes. Her next words were just a whisper, barely audible over the sound of the wind blowing in through the living room window. “I love you. I’m in love with you.”

She met her lips together, sucking them in slightly. She pursed them. Grayson released his hands from under his thighs and rested them on his knees. “You’re—” she nearly scoffed at herself for what she was about to say. When did the engineer turn into a poet? “You’re like the sun Grayson, you’re like my sun. Like when you’re around, the world is light and happy and I know where I am going but then you’re not there and it’s all so dark and a little scary and I know I can do it but I would prefer to do it all when the sun is out.” Her words mashed together as her speech got quicker. “Grayson Dolan being with you is like finally having my left arm. I was getting by just fine with my right one before you, but now that I know it what it’s like, going back will never be the same.” 

She closed her eyes, as if bracing herself for an invisible impact. “It was never you Grayson. You’re wonderful Grayson, you’re amazing Grayson, you’re—I love you Grayson. And hearing you accuse me of not feeling the same way as you…that hurts.”

She didn’t stop herself from speaking openly, “The world is a scary place for someone like me Grayson. I’m a disabled girl who’s trying to save the world, there aren’t very many of me for a reason. And when I have to be strong, or face the unthinkable, finding someone who lets me be soft, who lets me put my guard down and really be. I used to think I knew what love was, and then I met you Grayson Dolan.”

At this point, her eyes were red and swollen from the salty sting of tears. Her lips were plump and engorged. She let out a breath before finishing, “It was never you Grayson. It was your life. It was your life and my life, two things that I’m pretty sure were never supposed to be together. To be honest Grayson, I don’t think guys like you and girls like me were ever supposed to be together because now that I loved you,” she shook her head, “I don’t know” she commented lowly. 

“I don’t deserve you,” Grayson’s voice was firm and stable compared to Kate’s rickety one. He bit down on his bottom lip, “I wanted to talk to you tonight. Here. To tell you that,” he sucked his top lip in quickly, “You’re too good for me.”

Kate wiped a few tears from the corners of her eyes, only sending more tears down across her cheeks. “What?” 

Grayson shook his head. When he tilted his eyes toward the ceiling, Kate noticed a few small wells forming in the corners of his eyes. He swallowed hard before starting again. “You’re everything I ever wanted.” He gave something that sounded like a sad chuckle, “Beautiful. Smart. Caring. Funny.” He shook his head, stopping himself from continuing. “But I met your way before I was ready enough to love you the way you deserve to be loved.” He huffed, “I shouldn’t try to love you if I know I’m not ready.” Kate’s mouth transformed into the smallest circle on the bottom of her face. Her eyes went wide in bewilderment. 

“I don’t know how to do this” He wasn’t sure if he meant talking about this or love, but he didn’t know how to do either. “I’m not ready for the kind of life I know I could have with you.” His hands landed on the couch with a tap. “I don’t know how to communicate; I don’t know how to express myself fully and openly. I don’t know how to keep you safe when we leave our—our bubble,” he gestured to the rental home, “I don’t know how” he motioned his hands in the air before exhaling, “to do this.” 

Grayson let his head hang low, “Sure, I love to kiss you. And yes, I love to cuddle. But there is a difference between showing someone you love them and showing up to love them-- knowing what to do when things get hard.”

“So what are you saying?” Her voice sounded hollow and lost. She felt like someone had punched her in the stomach while asking her to do complex math. 

“I’m saying that,” Grayson’s voice broke for the first time. A single tear escaped his right eye, “We should.” He stopped himself. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be in each other’s lives. At least for right now. For a while. You should be with someone who is more ready for what you have than me. I love you too much to make you wait for me.”

The look on Kate’s face after he said that was the reason that Grayson Dolan was very lucky his Malibu home was a rental. If his home wasn’t a rental, Grayson would be faced to picture the gut-wrenching, heart breaking, Earth shattering image of Kate crying on his armchair every time he walked into his living room. He convinced himself that he did the right thing, even though it nearly killed him inside to do it. 

Leaving his rental home felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, even if it did make his life more complicated because his house wasn’t ready yet. When Ethan suggested a road trip, partially out of necessity but also out of recognition for his brother’s broken heart, Grayson was more than happy to say yes. Even the LA sidewalks were overflowing with memories of Kate. Grayson gladly accepted the chance to get away from all of his tainted spaces.                 

((the epilogue will be coming out tomorrow night))

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael in the Mainstream: The Dark Knight Trilogy & Its Negative Impact on the Superhero Genre

Superhero movies have come a very long way in the past couple of decades, cementing themselves as a genre unto themselves rather than the odd action movie here or there. Almost every year a few new ones of varying quality pop up that incite equal parts excitement and derision. It’s definitely a genre people feel very strongly about, but even people who tend to not love superhero films will admit that Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy is fantastic.

From 2005 until 2012, Nolan reinvisioned Batman in a way that grounded the character in reality. There’s no fantastical elements, there’s no insane science, there’s no superpowers… Everything in these films could happen in the real world. In a post-Batman & Robin world, this was seen as a breath of fresh air, and the critics loved it. In particular, The Dark Knight helped to usher in the modern age of superhero films, releasing the same year the MCU kicked off and widely being hailed as one of the greatest films of all time. That’s right, not even superhero films, films period. These films were impressive, groundbreaking, and… they fundamentally ruined superhero movies for quite a while.

Look, I don’t particularly hate these films. I think all of them are pretty good, in their own ways. But they have a lot of glaring issues that really hamper them a fair bit and yet, somehow, they became the blueprint that studios decided to look at for what they thought a successful superhero movie should be. Nolan’s films are serious, brooding, dark, and lack the whimsy and creative insanity that makes comics such a fun and engaging medium, and I think this right here is what has hurt comic book movies the most over the past decade. These are films that feel absolutely ashamed to be comic book movies, and they desperately want to seem like they’re “mature” and for “adults.” And, unfortunately for the rest of us, this shame translated over into a lot of other films, something we’re only just now recovering from.

Looking at the greatest strength of the trilogy shows this issue pretty well, that being the villains. Nolan’s films gave us truly iconic portrayals of characters like Bane, Joker, and Scarecrow, and you’re not gonna hear me say much bad about them. Cillian Murphy, Liam Neeson, Tom Hardy, Anne Hathaway, Aaron Eckhart, and Heath Ledger all do fantastic jobs as the insidious rogues of Batman. But the issue I have is that by grounding these characters in a realistic setting like this, it kind of misses the point. Joker isn’t using exploding cakes and laughing gas, Ra’s al Ghul isn’t an immortal warrior, Bane isn’t a drugged-up super soldier… They’re all just Guys. They’re Guys With Gimmicks, yes, but at the end of the day they aren’t what should be looked at as the be-all, end-all of the character’s portrayals.

And yet everyone acts like no one should ever play Joker again, because Heath Ledger’s Joker was just so good, guys! And he was good, but I don’t think Ledger’s Joker should be the absolute final Joker ever. Quite frankly, I prefer Phoenix’s Joker, because even if that version is also in a rather grounded film missing the overt weirdness of comics for the most part, he still dresses in a colorful costume, acts weird, tells jokes, and is in general more Jokery. Out of all of these villains, I think Bane and Scarecrow at least come within the ballpark of being close to how they should be, but Scarecrow is horribly underutilized and Bane is given a rather undignified sendoff.

Then there are the bigger issues. Batman himself is really downplayed throughout the trilogy, getting fairly little screentime compared to villains and side characters. This was a huge point of contention when The Dark Knight Rises came out, with most of the film featuring Bruce Wayne, and in hindsight it highlights how unwilling Nolan was to engage with the comic book trappings of what he was adapting. I like Christian Bale a lot, he’s a great actor, but I don’t think he really carries any of the films; in fact, it’s usually the villains carrying the movies. Bale is certainly not as bad as Val Kilmer in the role of Wayne/Batman, but he’s no Keaton, he’s no Clooney, he’s not even an Affleck. A lot of the time, he also just feels like… a Guy. And Batman should not ever, ever just be a Guy.

But perhaps the most egregious fault of the films is what it did to Gotham City itself. In Burton’s films, you really get a feel for the Gothic atmosphere of the city with how it’s designed, and this goes for Batman: The Animated Series too. And even the more cartoonish, colorful Gotham of Schumacher’s films pops and leaves an impact. But Nolan’s Gotham? It’s very much just a City. There is nothing distinct about Nolan’s Gotham, it’s literally just a generic city, and if you even have the faintest knowledge of Batman you will know that Gotham is not just a city. Gotham is pretty much a character itself, a dark, imposing landscape in which Batman does battle with his costumed foes. Every other adaptation I can think of knows to make Gotham feel unique and distinct, but this one just absolutely drops the ball. You might as well just have the city be New York if you’re going to put no effort into giving it personality.

And that all brings me to this: every reviled superhero movie of the past decade, from F4ntastic to The Amazing Spider-Man to Dawn of Justice, all have their genesis in Nolan’s trilogy. He laid the groundwork for these films to exist, and a large majority of the blame needs to be put on Nolan for sapping the fun out of comic book movies. Now, to be totally fair to Nolan, he’s not entirely responsible for what happened to the comic book film landscape; prior to him, the X-Men film series was giving all of the heroes dark costumes and being a bit more serious. But despite those films playing a bit of a part, there’s one major reason I don’t fault them nearly as much: The X-Men films never once felt ashamed to be comic book movies.

You have to understand, people loved grit and edginess in the 90s and had just violently rejected Batman & Robin a few years prior to the original X-Men film, so it’s hard to really fault it for wanting to avoid being too campy. But much like Blade, the films never tried to act like they weren’t still crazy comic book films. Scott still has eye lasers, Mystique is still blue, Nightcrawler looks like a demon, there are Sentinels and Apocalypse and even Dazzler shows up at one point! The X-Men franchise wasn’t always good, but it managed to balance between being silly and taking itself seriously pretty well for the most part. Magneto is still a Holocaust survivor, his relationship with Xavier still has impact, there are still emotional moments here and there, but then you also have Deadpool movies and the multiple comic book style retcons to the timeline that leave the continuity a mess, and something about that just feels right. And all that makes Logan less egregious despite being the sort of brooding, angsty superhero drama Nolan would make, because even if it is those things, it still centers around a dude with metal claws coming out of his hands trying to stop his best friend from wiping out everyone with psychic seizures. Nolan could never make this superhero film.

Nolan’s films, on the other hand, did. These films did not feel like they wanted to be comic book movies, they felt like they wanted to be serious crime films but Nolan was stuck with Batman so he just mashed the two together. And honestly, I’d probably be more forgiving if it weren’t for the hugely negative impact these films and their critical success had on the superhero genre even until this day. The first decade of superhero films as a major contender in cinema were colored by these films. People outright balked at silliness in superhero movies for quite some time, with a lot of criticism levied at the early phases of the MCU for being too goofy; in fact, at times it seemed as if the MCU was going a bit too far in the goofy direction without striking the proper balance, with films like Age of Ultron having most of its tension defused by constant wisecracks. And on the DC side, Nolan’s grounded approach lead to Zack Snyder’s flaccid filmmaking with dark coloration, moody atmosphere, and not a shred of joy to be found. Nolan is essentially the peak of dark, grounded superhero films, and Snyder is the nadir, but Snyder’s awful DC films wouldn’t exist if not for Nolan.

It was a slow crawl getting to what superhero movies should be. Guardians of the Galaxy and Ant-Man were films tossed out only when Marvel was certain they could take risks, because absurd concepts like those would just not have been able to survive if not for years of good will beforehand. That’s not even getting into some of the more bonkers elements of later films, such as Ego the Living Planet and basically everything about Doctor Strange. In fact, Doctor Strange, for all its issues, is still a massive step forward for a genre that outright rejected magic for a long time, instead for a time turning Thor and his costars into a cast of hyper-advanced aliens, with later films having to clarify that there is magic and zombies and so on. The recent WandaVision was able to further clarify this by making Wanda unambiguously magic and not an evil Nazi science experiment.

Superhero animation didn’t suffer quite so much, but that’s mostly because, much like comics, animation is still seen as “kid’s stuff” by way too many people. And even then, they didn’t escape the shadow of Nolan totally unscathed; one need only look into the infamous Bat Embargo, which limited Batman villains so there could only be one given incarnation of said character in media. For instance, the Scarecrow being in Batman Begins meant he could not appear in the animated series The Batman. This lead to such things as no Batman characters appearing in Justice League Unlimited. It was truly a stupidly frustrating time to be a Batman fan when some of his most iconic foes were relegated to only certain appearances because it “might confuse kids.”

Let me again clarify this: I mostly like the Nolan films. I usually like Nolan, though he has become unbearably, obnoxiously pretentious these days. I think a lot of elements of them are great, I feel like they mostly have strong villains, and I don’t disagree that The Dark Knight is a fantastic film. But the thing is these are only good as AU stories, as their own thing; they should not be the template every superhero movie should follow, or any superhero movie for that matter, because they lack the ability to engage with the things that make people love comics in the first place. People love wacky, off-the-wall concepts, superpowered aliens, magic, talking animals, evil living planets, alcoholic ducks, and all that fun stuff.

People desperately want the fun, camp, and wacky stuff back in comic book films, as the success of the goofier DC films like Aquaman, Shazam, and Birds of Prey as well as the success of shows like Doom Patrol in comparison to the critical and audience revulsion of Snyder’s films, with Shazam in particular giving us such bonkers concepts as an entire family of superpowered children and Mr. Mind, the evil alien caterpillar. Thor: Ragnarok and the Guardians of the Galaxy films have become some of the most beloved MCU movies despite being weird, wacky, and wholly embracing the joy of comics to the point the latter films feature Howard the Duck and the aforementioned Ego alongside bizarre characters like Rocket Raccoon, Groot, and Taserface. And the thing with all of these films is that they’re able to balance the weirdness and wackiness of comics without losing sight of human emotion, moving storytelling, and drama. They’re both fun and deep, goofy and yet meaningful. This is what comics are, and what they should be, and anyone who thinks comics should be grim and gritty really needs to think about why they think an entire genre needs to be colored in with only the dullest colors.

I think what I’m trying to say here is this: Make a Detective Chimp movie, you cowards.