#i think the first time i just Did Not get the lobotomy thing. like i did and didn’t

[fingertipsmp3]

Lmao why is my chapter summaries of HtN document over 3000 words long already and I’m not even two thirds of the way into HtN

[writing-until-i-drop]

Hate Fuck Pt. 2 | wc: 643

Continuation of Hate Fuck from Kinktober 2024. You and Jake get to the bottom of what's going on between the two of you.

Warnings!: unprotected p in v sex (wrap it before you tap it), creampie, enemies to lovers, lowkey idiots in low, not proof read lmk if I missed anything

Read Pt. 1 Here

Requested by @closetspngirl & @1111zxc

If you thought sleeping with Hangman once had messed with your head, sleeping with him almost every night had been like a full-frontal lobotomy. It had been a week since the first incident and now you were laying in his bunk, his arms wrapped around your waist as he kissed your neck. 

“What are we doing, Jake?” Jake? Since when did you use his first name? You turned in his arms, thinking looking him in the eyes would make it easier to remember that you hated him but instead it just made that stupid fluttery feeling in your stomach worse. 

Jake cupped the back of your head, bringing you in for a slow, lingering kiss that had you leaning into him, lips parting for him to deepen the kiss. You slipped your leg between his, just to be closer to him, and that’s when you knew you were fucked.

“Hangman-”

“Call me Jake, sweetheart, please,” His voice was soft and vulnerable, like he was waiting for you to laugh at him or make some kind of joke. 

“Jake,” You whispered, cupping his cheek. “What are we doing?” Jake kissed you again, shifting you onto your back, and you were all too happy to let him. Things with Hangman were complicated but everything with Jake was easy, he kissed his way down your neck, sucking just below where your undershirt would sit, hiding his mark from the prying eyes of your squadmates. 

“Guide me in, sweetheart,” Jake moaned as you wrapped your hand around his thick cock, giving him a few short strokes before guiding him to your entrance. “So fucking good for me, sweetheart. You feel so good squeezing around my cock.” He rocked in and out of you slowly, kissing your neck and breasts.

“What are we doing?” You whispered, the words like a mantra in your blissful state. Jake sucked a mark on your neck and you couldn’t bring yourself to care if your squadmates would be able to see it.

He didn’t answer you, his thumb finding your clit, rubbing agonizingly slow circles. Your moans filled the small room, spurring Jake on. He moved slightly faster but it was still the slowest the two of you had ever gone. This wasn’t hate fucking or even just casual sex, this was making love and it scared you. Your orgasm built inside of you, coiling in your stomach with every thrust. 

“Tell me what you want, sweetheart,” Jake whispered, nudging your nose with his. “Tell me what you really want.” You said the only thing that came to your mind before you could think up a lie.

“You.” Jake pinched your clit, the increased pressure sending you over the edge, your back arching as the orgasm washed over you in waves. Jake was right behind you, spilling inside of you with a grunt, his face buried in your shoulder.

“What are we doing?” You asked again, running your fingers through his hair. Honestly, you weren’t sure what answer you wanted from him. On one hand, you were comfortable with hating Jake, you could convince yourself that this past week had been a case of temporary insanity. On the other hand, this past week had made you want to hold onto Jake and never let go, to let down all of your carefully built walls, and fall into bed with him every night. 

Jake’s eyes stared into your soul, like he was trying to read your mind and for once, you didn’t try to put on a mask to hide your feelings. He kissed you again, stealing your thoughts better than any Vegas magician ever could, 

“Ask me again, sweetheart.” You closed your eyes for a moment, gathering the courage to ask because this time you knew you were going to get an answer.

“What are we doing, Jake?”

“We’re falling in love.”

[mayasaura]

sorry if this has been answered before or if there's a post about this, but I've been seeing a lot of posts labeling harrow as schizophrenic and/or having trouble recognizing reality, including the one you just made about crux as harrow's caretaker and reality-indicator.

I realize that these interpretations come from htn, but I'm curious as why people feel that it's always been a trait of harrow's instead of a side effect of the lobotomy?

I was under the impression that she created the reality problems as an excuse to cover the blocks in her memory, especially since we know that wake/the sleeper didn't possess her until after gtn and most of her confusion happens in the river bubble.

even the "hallucinations" of the body don't really impact her perception of reality, and it's actually alecto's soul not a real hallucination. the only questionable moment I can remember is when she sees cytheria under the bed and ianthe says there's nothing there, but we know ianthe is a duplicitous legend so I read it as ianthe lying to harrow lol

long story short, I was wondering if there was scenes in gtn, ntn, or post-realization htn that indicate harrow has had these reality problems pre-lobotomy? or if you know of a post analyzing it further? sorry to throw this at you, I just haven't seen any analysis of it but I saw your post so I was hoping you would have more info :) I really adore all of your tlt analysis posts!

Hi! Yeah, if you go into my '#harrow's schizophrenia' tag, I've made several posts about it, and other people have added on to a few of them with further elaboration.

But I don't think I've ever laid it out fully like a thesis. And I have several stressful things I should be doing right now, so I can't think of a better time to get into it.

When Harrow's brain is editing Gideon out, there's an effect a little like a record skip. Her memory snags on something, very briefly, and then quickly moves on. Or she'll make an assumption or say something that doesn't actually make sense without Gideon in the picture, but she won't notice. The most prominent example is the details in chapter 3 surrounding her opening of the Tomb:

Just ellipsis "found out" ellipsis to skim over the very large part Gideon had to play in those events. If she were to interrogate the memory, it would be strange that she doesn't remember how her parents found out, but doing so would make her brain bleed. She would black out, and most likely forget what she was trying to remember.

And an example from the same chapter of a statement that doesn't make sense, unless you know about Gideon:

Two things are important about these examples, the first being that they don't upset Harrow. She doesn't think they're strange, because she barely thinks about them, which was sort of the point of the lobotomy in the first place. The second is that they can be immediately explained by plugging Gideon into the Gideon-shaped hole in Harrow's memory. If you know about Gideon, and what Harrow's done, there's no mystery remaining.

In contrast, there are other details in chapter 3 about Harrow's childhood that Harrow did, and does, find strange and upsetting.

Gideon didn't attend services, and she most definitely didn't participate in chants. Putting Gideon back in the picture does nothing to explain the "weird, thuddering beat" Harrow finds disruptive. But it does sound an awful lot like an auditory hallucination, as does hearing doors open and close where no doors were opening and closing.

Maybe we could try to explain the doors by supposing she was hearing Gideon coming and going without remembering the source, but that doesn't really track with how we know her mind processes the missing pieces. If Harrow were papering Gideon over in her memory, it wouldn't be important who was or wasn't opening doors and where. The focus of her memory would quickly shift, just like it did when trying to remember how her parents found out about the Tomb, in order to avoid looking at what she's hidden from herself.

Then there's the next paragraph:

Again, plugging Gideon into this memory does nothing to explain it. Even if Gideon had been in the habit of sneaking up behind Harrow and attempting to choke her out—which, yikes—Harrow has already seamlessly blocked out the memory of one attempted strangulation. Then there are the phantom ropes she sees, her parents' method of suicide haunting her.

The forgetting where she was, losing time, and false memories do seem at first glance like they could be explained by the lobotomy, seeing as that is sort of the whole purpose and effect. But I'm pretty sure even these are real memories. Again, because of the focus of her attention. She's remembering having forgotten, while the lobotomy make her forget to remember.

Then there's Harrow's overall behavior. Her reactions to her hallucinations, especially in the River bubble, which imply that not all of this is new to her. She isn't shocked, or caught off-guard. She has coping mechanisms. She's figured out what evidence she can probably rely on to rule out hallucinations, and what's more likely to be suspect. A lobotomy, even a necromantic lobotomy, doesn't come with built-in tools for coping with its effects. Her memory of her past without Gideon in it is fractured and incomplete, not an entirely new life story with new life lessons.

Finally, from Nona the Ninth, some evidence that Harrow's problems with reality definitely predate the lobotomy:

Crux remembers them.

[makethosenarratorsfight]

UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SIDE C

*NOTE; propaganda is out of order due to poll length!

Eugenides Propaganda:

the entire plot hinges on a detail he lets the reader (and every other character) assume is true. I don't want to spoil it because it's a really fun reveal but he is lying from the first second he appears on the page and you can't trust him to tell the full truth about ANYTHING related to himself and his goals. he mostly does it to keep his advantage and not have other characters be suspicious of him but it's just so fun when you realise he's been lying the whole time

Harrowhark Propaganda:

She gave herself a lobotomy and gives completely incorrect flashbacks to the previous book. Things that straight up did not happen. Gaslight gatekeep girlboss.

She’s schizophrenic (confirmed by the author) and also lives in a world with necromancy and ghostly revenants. She’s not just an unreliable narrator for readers, she’s an unreliable narrator of her own internal experience. She knows this and has to work with people around her to compensate for it. Descent into spoilerville below. Seriously Do Not Read if you want to read these books. There’s also the little matter about how she is *not actually the narrator* of a huge chunk of the story that we are initially led to believe is being told from her perspective.

(Spoilers) Holy shit she is THE most unreliable narrator. This gremlin gave herself a lobotomy so that she could forget about Gideon Nav, the most important person in her life (for magic soul-preserving reasons) so half of the second book in the series is spent gaslighting the reader about a book they just read. She comes up with an entire alternate version of the events of the first book in the series to carefully exclude any mentions of Gideon, and any time someone says ‘Gideon’ in front of her she LITERALLY has a stroke and/or an intercranial hemorrhage as her brain overwrites the word with someone else’s name. God occasionally intentionally triggers her memory revision to get out of difficult conversations. She also hallucinates ALL the time (unrelated to the lobotomy). She shows up at her frenemy’s room in the middle of the night (think little kid stumbling to their parents’ room and saying “I frew up”) to ask her to come check underneath her bed for the corpse that’s been wandering the space station. When frenemy checks underneath the bed, frenemy claims not to see anything, and Harrow is such an unbelievably unreliable narrator that it’s an open question in the fandom as to whether frenemy genuinely didn’t see the corpse or if frenemy was just yanking Harrow’s chain. Harrow is also haunted by a literal ghost that fucks up her already fucked up alternate history. Girlie will pick up a piece of paper and read from it the most violent and haunting piece of prose ever composed, when in reality all that’s written on the paper is the elementary school Superman S*. I am NOT joking that is a real goddamn scene. Harrow was created to win this poll. TLDR; she has brain damage and memory loss, she hallucinates, and is also haunted. * https://twitter.com/vestenet/status/1301012651145859072

Girl is so unreliable, she unreliably tells me events I was there for!!! She's retelling the previous book and I'm like "girlie, this is absolutely not how it happened". Also, she gave herself a DIY lobotomy, it has to impact your memory center I guess

She literally had a lobotomy, how can she be reliable

More Propaganda under cut!

Harrowhark is simply the unreliable narrator of all time. Can’t remember shit because of a lifetime of trauma? Check. Maybe lying to yourself and those around you a bit? Most definitely. Being gaslit by the survivors you depend on to orient you to reality? For sure. How about a little bit of canon schizophrenia? She’s got it all. Ghosts? Or something? Spirits that are attached in some way to your body and are not perceivable by others? Sure, sure! But how about spirits that are attached in some way to your body and are gonna use you to hijack others’ bodies and maybe kill God, too? Absolutely. Wee bit of DIY brain surgery? If it would make you an unreliable narrator, friends, then Harrowhark Nonagesimus has been there, been subjected to that!

Okay I don't know that much about this series since I haven't convinced myself to read all of the first book, but this is my blorbo in law so I'd feel bad not spreading propaganda (all of what I'm saying is something I've read, as to prevent myself from straight up submitting misinformation). So all of Harrow's unreliable narration takes place in the second book, Harrow the Ninth. Basically, without her even seemingto acknowledge it, Harrow's brain is very fucked up during this book, to the point where even she's not sure how reliable her narrative is. There's many questions left unclear as a result of her fucked up little brain, like what's real, what's fake, whether we can trust her judgement, whether even she can trust her own judgement, whether her original cavalier is dead or not (Harrow is convinced she is), etc. Let me tell you, I adore unreliable narrators who aren't even that sure if they're reliable. I have yet to eat that trope up here in this circumstance, but this poll might not run again by the time I do, so for now, here's my messed up blorbo in law.

OKAY SO REMEMBER MY GIDEON SUBMISSION? HARROW DOESN’T! SPOILERS AHEAD BECAUSE SHE LOBOTOMIZED HERSELF TO FORGET GIDEON BECAUSE THAT’S A HEALTHY WAY TO GRIEVE AND THEN IN THE ONLY PARTS OF HER BOOK THAT SHE NARRATES (THE REVISED CANAAN HOUSE PARTS) IT’S LITERALLY A ROOM FULL OF GHOSTS HER BRAIN SUMMONED TO DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT SHE CUT HER BRAIN IN HALF TO FORGET GIDEON. she also is a) haunted and b) psychotic, experiencing hallucinations her entire life of both the ghosts haunting her and less supernatural hallucinations- bells tolling, bones rattling, her parents (some of the only dead people NOT haunting her), etc! in the revised history of canaan house that her brainghosts invent, she brings along someone who knows about her psychosis to help reality check her when she tells him go! her caregiver as a child and support when she got older, crux, is a horrible man- but at one point, when someone other than harrow is in harrow’s body and tells him “i am not harrowhark, i am sorry,” his response is simply “aye, you’ve said that before too. who are you then, if not my lady harrowhark?” showing his familiarity with her psychosis and his love for the child he wouldn’t dare see as a daughter. but enough about that lets talk about her unreliable narration! she lies about her feelings of course but she also simply hides the truth from everyone, all the time, compulsively. also literally the entire section of her book that she narrates is a lie she’s telling US about a lie she’s telling HERSELF and no one understands even a little bit of the truth until like the last act of the book. queen.

[mentallyillstinker]

Dating Benny headcannons..

why? Because I'm evil, and I fear no man's judgement. 😈

The cut is there for a reason, shit is LOOONNNGGG af

Lets get it out of the way, Arcade hates it though, he thinks it's utter and complete bullshit you were even interested in him, "HE SHOT YOU WHY-" "He's silly... look at him Arcade he's silly..." and then you point over to the walking chessboard who's smoking in the corner like he's the main character.

Back on topic, Benny loves it, at first he was confused, after all he did shoot you! But eventually he remembered he shot you, brain damage, but then he found out you got a 5 minute craft lobotomy (big mt), then he was just plan confused, mostly because you were missing your brain, but also because you loved him!

Gifts, gifts and physical contact is his love language, he's always been a playboy, but now he will go run out in the wasteland just to grab you something he thought you would like, and then come back looking like shit.

He doesn't take his little bodyguards with him cuz he's embarrassed to tell anyone else about you and him.(He's a pussy and will always be a pussy)

He knows you're crazy, "I wanna go kill deathclaws for fun" he knows thats a bad idea, but he believes in you! He'll comment if he thinks you'll actually get hurt though, but he won't be direct about it, "Doll, I don't think we should be deathclaw chow..." but he'll still go, he'll hide behind a rock, but he'll go.

He isn't a fan of the whole still working for Mr house thing though, so most of the time you guys are hanging over at the tops.

He'll insist and beg you don't tell anyone about your guys relationship, but then turn around and be hugging up on you and shi in public, he's a hypocrite, but he's a silly one.

He like when you play with his hair, he'll let you put it up in a small ponytail and stuff.

You cannot sit down though, when you're in his suite with him and sit down or lay down for one second he will cuddle up on you, he has an excuse for it though he swears he's not being clingy, "But pussycat.... I'm real tired... cmon... hold me...", and if you don't he'll make a stupid little pouty face and whine "Babe pleaaasseee...."

Ultimately who's in control of the relationship? Nobody, dog idk if you know who the courier and Benny are, they are NOT RESPONSIBLE 💀

But if I had to say anything... you're wearing the pants, if Benny loves you back in the first place he has to be downright, fairytale starstruck in love with you.

Idk if I should do I NSFW headcannon yet, also sorry if this is like, oc type shit, well I'm not sorry but I'll say I am.

[gaslightgatekeepgirlbosscombat]

Group H, Round 3, Poll 4:

Propaganda under the cut

Nadja of Antipaxos

Gaslights her fellow vampires when she knows she's wrong, gatekeeps info from familiar Guillermo, girlbosses by running her own doomed nightclub

She is the Girlboss, but also Girlloser of the show. Turned her own husband into a vampire (taking charge in a male-dominated field!) And further, in Season 3 she came out on top when her and Nandor were fighting over who would truly lead the Vampiric Council. Opened her own Vampire Nightclub! (Which she embezzled to death but shhh!) As for Gatekeep, she definitely gatekeeps both vampirism (Guillermo) and her friendship (The Guide). Does hypnosis count as Gaslight? I'm gonna count it in because she does hypnotize a lot of people. I could go on and on, but anyways Nadja is an icon and a queen and I love her.

Ianthe Tridentarius

She is trying so hard to be the main character by lying and manipulating her sister, her cavalier, her mentor, her ?love interests? (Spoiler???) And also god. Not sure how it's working out for her but she does love to lie and manipulate

Worstie Ianthe is the DEFINITION of gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. She is one of a set of necromancer twins that are the heirs to their houses rule. Except wait, only she is a necromancer and she has spent their entire lives doing necromancy for the both of them. She is constantly mean to their cavalier, Naberius, who she occasionally nibbles on like a chew toy, before eventually killing and eating him to ascend to sainthood. She goes to gods spaceship with another woman who ascended to sainthood who she has a crush on, this other woman is like…. Both incredibly mentally unwell and also haunted by at least 211 ghosts. Ianthes method of flirting with her? Gaslighting her about the corpse that keeps moving around and hiding under her bed. For no real reason tbh. She is clearly plotting to overthrow god, and at the moment that consists of her manipulating him while he’s too sad about his long term partners betraying him and subsequently exploding to really care. She dresses in terrible outfits and makes soup by burning onions to the bottom of a pot, putting meat in and some vegetables and then it doesn’t taste like anything so she puts in a few teaspoons of salt so it tastes like a few teaspoons of salt. She had her crush amputate her arm and regrow her a new one out of bone and it’s one of the horniest things I’ve read in my life.

"Gaslight = told her lobotomized (she helped), schizophrenic girlobsession that there was no corpse under their bed, even tho there totally was. Gatekeep = girl did NOT share the secret to god-like ascension. She kept that shit to herself until it was time to eat her boytoy, and by then everyone knew already. Girlboss = she has a non-necromancer twin sister, and literally Everyone thinks they r both necromancers because Ianthe is so good at it. She reverse engineered ascending to the aforementioned ascension without even completing any of the supplementary tasks. She held her own in a fight against a 10k year old lyctor. She becomes the figurehead of her entire empire. "

She uses a man as a chewtoy in the first book, literally gaslights the protagonist of the second book about a corpse, and elder-abuses God when he gets depressed in the third book. Nobody is doing it like her.

Dives headfirst with no regrets while basically laughing and covered in blood into murdering her cavalier once she realizes what the gothic locked room mystery/competition leads to while everyone else is questioning it, helps perform lobotomy on harrow so she doesn't remember the person she loves, manipulates everyone to get to the top

idk just everything about her

her relationship with her sister is incredibly Bad, she fosters codependency and views Corona(the sister) as an extension of herself. This does not stop her from keeping up the con that Corona actually has magic (She doesn't, it was always just Ianthe) for 22ish years and every single person who interacts with them falls for it. She killed a man against his will (most dying for this purpose specifically go willingly) and she consumed him and she will be burning his soul for eternity. She's completely repulsive and still somehow incredibly hot.

she takes advantage of the fact that the main character is prone to hallucinations. at one point she gaslights the mc into believing that the corpse under her bed isn't real just because she can. she reverse engineered a set of very complex trials on her own without anyone realizing she had the skills to complete them normally. she's also babysat god through his drunk and pathetic era.

Artist: @starcanist

[delaneytalks-tostatues]

This completely stemmed from the lyric "I-A-N-T-H and E, this bitch is fucking crazy" which ended up not making it in but shhhh

Backing track is once again from Sing2Piano! Same disclaimers as last time, with the addendum I intended to just sing the chorus through the end but force of habit did not but didn't feel like re-recording the whole thing so. It's a little messy because I did not rehearse it.

It's just the first draft blah blah blah I'm still workshopping the lyrics (which are below the cut)

I could be the one or your new addiction let me in your head turn it all to fiction

Don’t want just the world More than every city Who can blame a girl? Call me hot, not pretty

And Harry do you like this beat? I gave you a lobotomy it’s like 199 degrees Do necromancy with me just do it with me

I-A-N-T-H and E You want a lobotomy Change your hair just to be mean doing it Lyctorally

I-A-N-T-H and E You want a lobotomy Change your hair just to be mean I-A-N-T-H and E

I-A-N-T-H and E They can all call me crazy I-A-N-T-H and E They can all call me crazy

I woke up alone Staring at my ceiling  I try not to care but it hurts my feelings

You don’t have to stare come here get with it You could fix my arm In a damn hot minute

And Harry do you like this beat? I gave you a lobotomy it’s like 199 degrees Do necromancy with me just do it with me

I-A-N-T-H and E You want a lobotomy Change your hair just to be mean doing it Lyctorally

I-A-N-T-H and E You want a lobotomy Change your hair just to be mean I-A-N-T-H and E

I-A-N-T-H and E They can all call me crazy I-A-N-T-H and E They can all call me crazy

What’s it take to get your power? Fix my arm, what do you say? Hurry up, you're making supper Everyone says I’m deranged

What's it take to get your power? Fix my arm, what do you say Hurry up, you're making supper Everyone thinks I’m insane

[jamethinks]

One of my favourite headcanons (that I came up with, of course) is that not only is Melinda a good cook but she also loves cooking. Food is her love language, she is always cooking up a storm.

It's obviously based on her making Damian breakfast after the bus incident and now we have additional lore of Jeeves suggesting she cooks for him again. Bit the way I see it is that she didn't just do it to be nice she did it to provide him with a sense of comfort and an attempt to bond with him (even if she dashed immediately).

In the early days of her marriage, before tragedy (Damian) struck, she used to cook for Donovan all the time. At first, he would tell her not to, and she should focus on other stuff, but he actually really enjoyed her cooking and preferred it over all the top chefs in the world. He would actually travel for hours to get home and eat her food. He was really stubborn though and refuse to just flat out ask her to cook but she knew. Then he got the lobotomy (Damian)...

And when they were babies, she would cook everything the boys. Every meal they ate was hand-made by her. Demetrius actually got sick when he had to start eating the maids cooking and refused to eat the food provided by the dorm. She stopped doing it while Damian was fairly young, so he doesn't remember it much. Nowadays, she mostly makes desserts and pastries and give it to Jeeves to deliver to them and tell him not to say she made them because she's scared the boys would come looking for more. Only Demetrius can tell the difference. Damian, the dumbass would go home and compliment the chef for the amazing cookies he sent, and he would just be like yeah sure lil dude.

And I can imagine Yor finding this out. She finds a distressed Melinda cooking up a storm and is just in awe like this what she meant when she said she was the first lady. Then melinda gets all shy and flustered because she doesn't really think if her cooking skills are as anything special. When she first hot married, it was essentially the only thing she could do for Donovan, and it made her feel worthless and would even tell herself he was only eating to humor her. But then Yor just goes ballistic over her food because it's just so damn good and is begging her for lessons. Of course Yor Can't Cook Forger just fucks everything up and it scares Melinda but also comforts her as she realises maybe she does has a talent or two. Or maybe Yor is just a really really bad cook.

[bonesbonesbones69]

A HARROW THE NINTH FANMIX

I know I’ve put out a number of fan mixes at this point but this is my favorite one.

Track list:

New York (St. Vincent)

Moderation (Florence + The Machine)

Heavy Cross (Gossip)

How To Be Eaten By A Woman (The Glitch Mob)

Ballad of the Thin Man (Bob Dylan)

Spent Gladiator 2 (The Mountain Goats)

Foreign Object (The Mountain Goats)

Drive It Like You Stole It (Glitch Mob)

Cosmic Love (Florence + The Machine)

Francesca (Hozier)

Wear Black (The Mountain Goats)

I'm about to get VERBOSE under the cut, join me if you want a deep dive on why I chose these songs. Or just listen to the playlist and draw your own conclusions :)

NEW YORK (St. Vincent)

You know how Gideon's death kind of haunts the entire 'Harrow the Ninth' narrative, because you can't stop thinking about it even though Harrow doesn't remember it and the book isn't mentioning it? But it's so present, the negative space in the story creating a very clear Gideon-shaped outline?

This song is first to set the tone for the playlist in the same way. It's a good song about grieving someone who fit with you in a way nobody else did or ever could.

It's about the bits that go:

you're the only motherfucker in the city who can handle me /can stand me /forgives me

It makes me a little crazy. Especially the forgiveness bit. Kind of brings forward the depth of what Harrow lost when Gideon died.

MODERATION (Florence and the Machine)

Like a fine wine, this song pairs excellently with thinking about harrow giving herself a lobotomy.

Want me to love you in moderation? Do I look moderate to you?

I've never heard of anyone loving someone LESS moderately than harrow when she carved up her own brain about a girl. Someone said in a tumblr post somewhere that 'most people just get breakup bangs'. YEAH THEY DO. but that's our mistake for thinking harrow was going to do anything other than the most insane possible thing.

This song is ominous and heavy, evokes religion and fear, the concept of love used as a threat.

It's perfect.

Actually let's talk real quick about the religion part. This isn't going to be hugely cohesive but it's important to me and I think you'll get what I'm going for:

The lines:

Bow your head in the house of God Little girl, who do you think you are

Can be read like the narrative voice is taking on the persona of God, loving in the powerful and unknowable way God might love. Loving in a way you have no say over. Interpreting Harrow's actions with this lens is like a fucked up mirror, consider: Gideon spent her childhood beaten down by a heavily religious society, the figurehead of which was Harrow herself, beating Gideon down sometimes literally but more importantly, figuratively. Now Harrow continues the role of religiously executing power over Gideon's experience, this time with absolutely ferocious love.

Also LAST THING I PROMISE but there's a quiet vein of self-hatred in this song, lurking just behind all of it. A real judgement of the self for having this power and impulse.

So it's perfect.

HEAVY CROSS (Gossip)

Actually you know what lets have MORE songs about harrow's lobotomy. It's a rich vein.

Most of the songs on this playlist make me a little crazy, and this is absolutely one of them. The manic, dangerous, committed tone (and religious undertones) continues from moderation to heavy cross - but what heavy cross brings to the table is the CHOICE.

We can play it safe, or play it cool Follow the leader or make up all the rules Whatever you want, the choice is yours So choose I checked you If it's already been done, undo it

THE CHOICE

And also, oh my god, "it's already been done, undo it". This song made the cut just for that line, and over time I just liked it more and more on here.

I'm skipping over saying a lot of the obvious stuff as I talk about these songs - assuming you're already connecting "whatever you want, the choice is yours, so choose" to harrow making the choice to stop the lyctoral process. And choosing to undo what's already been done. Right? Are we both there already? Cool just making sure.

HOW TO BE EATEN BY A WOMAN (The Glitch Mob)

I'm not done with songs about harrow's lobotomy yet. But this one's a little about Gideon

Ok also I feel the need to say - YES I did put a six minute electronic instrumental in a fanmix, but give it a chance!! It's evocative.

I went to the glitch mob specifically when I was putting this playlist together because I wanted music that felt confusing and dark and bad (the good kind of bad, in the way music can be). Something to mirror the way it felt to read harrow the ninth.

And then I saw there was a song titled 'how to be eaten by a woman' and I added it to the playlist without even listening to it first. And then I listened to it 50 times and now it's going to be on my Spotify top 100 I just know it.

Anyways this one stayed in the playlist as an homage to the confusing and inarticulate things that happened to Gideon and Harrow, as Gideon both was and was not quite eaten by a woman.

BALLAD OF A THIN MAN (Bob Dylan)

Ballad of a thin man is my all time favorite Bob Dylan song and it is exactly the same amount of stupidly ominously confusing as the events of harrow the ninth.

Now could I go on and on about this song?

Yes, and I will.

I’ve never found a source concretely sharing what the fuck this song is actually about. To me, it’s about being confused, outside, and alone. To Wikipedia and opinionated blogs it’s about the mainstream man encountering counter-culture, maybe queer culture. Sometimes theorists think it's about sex but there's not really enough evidence to say concretely.

In the context of this fanmix it’s about not knowing what the fuck is going on because you forgot you gave yourself a lobotomy.

Also frankly sometimes the way this whole series is written feels like one of the interactions described in this song:

You raise up your head and you ask, ‘is this where it is?’ And somebody points to you and says, ‘it’s his.’ And you say, ‘what’s mine?’ And somebody else says, ‘well, what is?’ And you say ‘oh my god, am I here all alone?’

I mean what the fuck is that about??

Like you're trying to have a conversation, but the person you're talking to is clearly having a completely different conversation and is not interested in explaining themselves one bit. Which is something that's happened many times in Harrow the Ninth.

And I mean - the REFRAIN -

You know something's happening here But you don't know what it is Do you, Mr. Jones.

I love that the song speaks directly at Mr. Jones, that he's a specifically named man rather than a general figure.

It makes the tone of the song so cruel and damning - you, Mr. Jones, are dumb as fuck and alone. You think you're smart, you're used to being smart and knowing what's happening, but you don't anymore. You're a lost idiot now. And nobody is going to help you.

Harrow is Mr. Jones that's what I'm saying. Do you get it. Do you agree. She's Mr. Jones.

SPENT GLADIATOR 2 (The Mountain Goats)

This is the title track because nothing else sums up the wretchedness of harrows existence on the mithraeum like this does:

Stay in the game. Just try to play through the pain Like a fighter who’s been told it’s finally time for him to quit Show up in shining colors and then stand there and get hit

I barely know what else to say about it.

The next song in this playlist is also a mountain goats song. As a best practice I think it’s a little gauche to put two songs by one artist back to back on a playlist, but these two absolutely HAVE to be back to back.

The reason is the joy I feel coming out of this song, and hearing the first couple notes of the next song, and thinking… yeah, it’s time to go fucking crazy.

FOREIGN OBJECT (The Mountain Goats)

This one is about the time harrow stabs someone in the eye with a foreign object

I personally will stab you in the eye with a foreign object

It's about harrow jamming her own teeth into the saint of duty's eyes, and also about the soup thing. This song is about being backed into a corner and fighting desperately with unexpected weapons.

Fun fact, the song itself was written explicitly about wrestling - which means that the term 'foreign object' should be translated in the wrestling context, meaning an object from outside of the ring. For example, a classic folding chair. So, considering this, we must admit that harrow doesn't actually literally use a foreign object. She uses her own teeth and bone marrow. Her objects are downright domestic.

But I think we can all agree she's got the spirit.

DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT (The Glitch Mob)

OK OK I PUT A SECOND SIX MINUTE LONG ELECTRONIC INSTRUMENTAL ON THE FANMIX!!!! BUT -

really there's so much general bad feeling happening in harrow the ninth that having chaotic instrumentals feels like the only way to even START to capture it.

So here's a song about Gideon waking up in Harrow's body and trying to figure out that weird and upsetting event while also fighting some fucked up bees and learning some weird stuff about her parents and also dying like at least 4 times while all this was happening.

COSMIC LOVE (Florence and the Machine)

I like my playlists to be a bit chronological - it's an urge I can never quite thwart, I love to mirror a narrative. So all the songs about Gideon are at the end of the playlist, when she shows up. Man, we all missed her. I missed her. Didn't you miss her??

The stars, the moon they have all been blown out you left me in the dark

I don't have that much to say about this one, I find it incredibly self-evident. I'll make up for how fucking long-winded I was about 'Moderation' and 'Ballad of a Thin Man' by cutting this short.

FRANCESCA (Hozier)

Some of these songs are so exactly what I want on this playlist that I actually have LESS to say about them, because I think you can interpret the same things I'm interpreting just by listening to the song.

So listen to the song and then lets be insane about it together!!

This is about Gideon's sacrifice, and Harrow's rejection of that sacrifice. And Gideon's butthurt feelings about that.

My life was a storm, since I was born How could I fear any hurricane? If someone asked me at the end I'd tell them put me back in it (Darling) I would do it again.

I mean

"I gave you my sword. I gave you myself. I did it while knowing I'd do it all again, without hesitation, because all I ever wanted you to do was eat me."

Are you insane about it yet? I'm insane about it.

WEAR BLACK (The Mountain Goats)

The playlist is coming to an end.

Let's let ourselves be gently outro'd by the soft waves of John Darnielle sharing with us what it means to carry mourning with you throughout your life.

Wear black wherever I go Wear black wherever you are

[lu-is-not-ok]

horrid thought i had: if your theory on k corp hong lu being semi-conscious during stasis is right, does that not mirror carmen during lobotomy corporation?

...

Wait. Hold on. Wait. Wait hold on.

Ok, so here's the thing: For a while now I've already had a suspicion that Hong Lu's deal is like, way more important than he lets on.

This might sound like a conspiracy Game Theory Matpat rant, but here me out.

First of all, Hong Lu has this weird tendency to break patterns in much less obvious ways than the other suspicious Sinners, to the point it's been driving me insane?

Like.

Okay.

First.

Remember those promo PVs of each Sinner? And how each of them ended on a glimpse of their trauma and All of them either directly referenced a potentially traumatic event or had the Sinner sound distraught? Except for Hong Lu, who doesn't sound in any way distressed like the others did, and then after the game logo is revealed he asks if something he said was weird.

Like, sure, it does make sense for him to say that in context of what he says during that video, but isn't it so fucking weird that the one Sinner with a section in his promo that seems slightly off is also the one who asks if anything he said during that section was weird?

Second.

You know those intro segments during the prologue, that are also on the official limbuscompany.com website? The ones that offer managerial instructions for each Sinner?

Pay close attention to those. For every Sinner, these instructions specify how to deal with that specific Sinner's eccentricities.

Don't show Gregor your disgust. Wait for Rodya's bad mood to pass. Give Sinclair positive reinforcement. Wait patiently for Yi Sang to finish thinking. Look Ishmael's way for sound advice, but don't break her trust. Understand Heathcliff is simple-minded and contact HR if he causes problems. Play along with Don's Fixer act. Don't make Ryoshu breed personal resentment towards you. Give clear and concise commands to Meursault. Give Outis short replies of agreement but keep an eye on her. Simply nod and get it over with when conversing with Faust.

...But then there's Hong Lu's. Which says nothing how to deal with his eccentricities, but rather to not let Other Sinners get physical with him over them. It's not about keeping him in line, it's about keeping other people's reactions to him in line.

I want to note this especially because several other Sinners break patterns in their introductions as well. Meursault's is one sentence. Ryoshu and Outis have a warning. Don Quixote's particulars include a [REDACTED] on the website. Faust's directly asks the manager to fuck around and find out. However, the way Hong Lu's intro instructions break the pattern is the most subtle out of all of them, to the point I genuinely did not realize that was the case until I had read all of them over multiple times.

Third.

Hong Lu's Base E.G.O animation. If you watch all of the Base E.G.O animations in a row, you'll notice that for all of them, the Sinners start already in frame... Except for Hong Lu, who visibly jumps into the frame from off-screen.

Now, you could argue that, technically, Don runs into her animation from off-screen as well, however I think there is a bit of a difference here. Don's animation is too quick to see her actually run in. We see she's not there for maybe a frame, before she pops with an animation that implies she had just run in and needs to break her momentum. This is unlike Hong Lu's, whom we Actively See descend from Off-Screen.

Now, I know what some of you may be thinking.

That I am coping. That these are coincidences. That I'm looking too deeply into things.

However. Here's a connection that I just recently realized, that has been Fucking Me Up.

Mild spoilers for Canto IV and like the first two chapters or so of Dream of the Red Chamber, if anyone cares.

You know how Limbus Company has this... fixation on stars? There's the whole thing with Dante following a star, stars granting wishes, people turning into weird beings from wishing to be stars, and there's this general connection to the sky and space because of Demian also doubling as a reference to The Little Prince.

And then something weird hit me.

See, Dream of the Red Chamber starts with a bit of a backstory to the jade that would later be reincarnated into Bao-yu. You see, it was one of the many stones used by a godess to create the sky. However, this one specific jadestone ended up being the only one not used in that creation, which then led to it feeling horrible about itself, which then led to a monk and a taoist deciding to have that stone reincarnate as a human and live through a human life, kickstarting the rest of the novel.

I'm like, heavily simplifying this, but that's the gist of how that whole thing starts.

Which. Made me think. A jadestone that was part of the ones meant to build the sky, but ended up being left unused. The sky. Stars. Hong Lu being seemingly named after the jade rather than Bao-yu directly.

Holy shit there's no way they won't reference this in some way, right? Right?

So, now imagine me, at my fucking wit's end, having the biggest crackpot theory brewing in my mind.

And you send this ask comparing K Corp Hong Lu to Carmen.

I am going insane.

[sophieinwonderland]

On "colonizing" spaces...

@obsessive-schizoid

Now, "colonizing" is such an interesting term to use here. It's a very loaded word meant to imply that endogenic systems are oppressors.

The idea that somehow, the concept of being a system is a unique cultural right to traumagenic and disordered systems, and that we're moving in to claim what's theirs.

What's funny about the use of the word here is how DID, and mental disorders in general, are largely colonialist constructs.

The concept of plurality is as old as time itself. Like most other strange and unexplained phenomena, people create their own explanations for what they were experiencing. Usually some sort of ghosts or spirit guides. It varies from culture to culture what plurality was interpreted as. But it has always existed.

But then you have these white, Christian nations that spread their religion across the globe. And with their beliefs, comes those that stigmatize and literally demonize spiritual plurality. To most Christians, there are no spirits other than demons and God's own angels. All possessing spirits must therefore be demonic entities that need to be cast out and destroyed as Legion was in the bible.

And thus, any cultural and spiritual plurality is stamped out by colonialists.

When psychiatry and psychology form as institutions, these doctors have been taught in this environment. An environment where there is only one person per body, and anything outside of that is bad and evil.

Instead of calling it demonic possession though, they call it a mental disorder. Just as these doctors, who grew up in this religious climate, once called homosexuality a mental disorder because even if they're atheist, they're still essentially culturally Christian.

A History of Secrecy

In the middle-ages, plurals couldn't be out as plural because if they were public, they would be accused of being demonically possess or even of witchcraft which could get them put to death.

By the 1900s, we saw the rise of insane asylums, torturous electroshock therapy, and even lobotomies for the mentally ill.

It's no wonder that most non-disordered plurals during this period would have kept their plurality to themselves.

Why risk people thinking you mad and stripping you of your human rights if you can avoid it?

This lasted until the 90s after this thing called the internet came along and allowed people to communicate across the globe anonymously. And for the first time, plurals learned that they weren't alone in the world.

Separatists, Not Colonists

I don't expect anti-endos to have a good grasp on plural history. Or any history. Or psychology, psychiatry, sociology, basic literacy or reasoning skills.

So let's take a moment to remind everyone that in the 90s, all "multiple personalities" were seen as pathological. This was a result of centuries of actual colonialists treating it as either evil or a mental disorder that needed to be cured.

Most non-disordered and endogenic systems at the time started in the MPD/DID community because all systems were treated as pathological. Some had self-diagnosed. Though others were actually diagnosed with DID before rejecting the diagnosis.

This idea of endogenic and non-disordered systems "invading" or "colonizing" is a fiction. It's a rewriting of history. "Alternative facts," if you will.

The TRUTH is that endogenic and non-disordered systems were always part of the DID/MPD community until they decided to break away from it.

And it's that breaking away that sysmeds hate.

The idea of all multiplicity being a disorder is, itself, a colonialist idea. It is inherently rooted in a history of colonialism, pushing a one-size-fit-all world, beginning with Christianity demonizing spiritual plurality, and continuing with Western psychiatry pathologizing all plurality.

Sysmeds are products of this colonialism, and have become its chief propagators on this site and others like it.

When separating themselves from the medicalization of plurality, the new natural multiples created their own language to distance themselves from the medical association.

"Headmate" became the alternative to "alter". "Plural" became the alternative to "multiple" which plural systems at the time felt was too closely related to "multiple personality disorder." "Fictive and factive" were borrowed from endogenic soulbonders.

And all of these are terms that, after being coined by pro-endos, were taken by sysmeds and claimed as their own.

Sysmeds have also attempted to claim resources like Pluralkit and Simply Plural as their own despite both being made by pro-endos. And many have tried worming their way into the Alterhuman community despite "alterhuman" being a term that was made by a pro-endo and is explicitly inclusive of endogenic plurals.

Surely you can see how ridiculous this is, where you have endogenic systems trying to distance themselves from the medical community only for the medicalists to come into our spaces, claim all the terms and resource we built for themselves, and then accuse us of colonizing them.

[markerofthemidnight]

Abstracted Heart, Mind and Soul

Art I kinda pushed out of an AU/concept that I need someone to write for me because I have too many WIPs.

I call this the “Abstraction AU” (unrelated to the Amazing Digital Circus, but does share some similarities), and here’s how it works:

The Basics

Inspired by Core Suppressions from Lobotomy Corporation

Basically, whenever one of the three undergoes extreme stress, they “Abstract” into one of these forms

The Headspace basically stops working the way it’s supposed to until the transformation is reversed: the way it’s affected depends on who’s Abstracting

The transformation only wears off once the side passes out: which sounds like it would result in a big boss fight or something

BUT, luckily for them, since Abstracting is basically letting out all your emotions and strength and fighting with all you’ve got, it is EXHAUSTING

so once it’s happened they’re typically not conscious for any more than an hour

Contrary to what you might guess at first, the side is still “themselves” while Abstracting: it’s just difficult to tell since the stress that causes the transformation also makes them act irrational and overly violent

Despite this, post-transformation, the side typically doesn’t have memories of what happened during the fight… until a few hours after waking up

It can happen to the same person more than once, but to Abstract for the first time you have to be pushed PARTICULARLY far

After that it gets a bit easier for it to happen again, like you’ve given into your inner monster

To further emphasise that, they all get “battle scars” from their first time Abstracting that stay with them for the rest of their lives

And to go into what the first time abstracting was like for each individual:

Heart

Abstraction is usually caused by intense stress.

While this is still true in Heart’s case, since being emotional is his job description, he needs to be pushed further than the others in order to Abstract

(because if that wasn’t the case, he would Abstract all the time)

Anyways, his first time probably came after days on end of extreme trauma

Specifically, trauma that neither Mind nor Soul did anything to try and stop

He likely Abstracted out of view from the others, and they didn’t even notice until Soul was like “wait why isn’t my trident working”

As Heart is… the heart of the Headspace, when he Abstracts, magic stops working there

His design was obviously based off of biblically accurate angels, as well as a Beholder from DND but without eyes so it would look like a heart

You’d think he’d be biased towards Mind while like that, but no- he goes after Soul.

He expected Mind to ignore him, but Soul? It’s his job to make sure things are alright with him, so why’d he just abandon him?

Even without the benefit of the Trident, though, I imagine Abstracted Heart wouldn’t be all too difficult for them to take down if they really tried their best, so he goes down rather quickly

After he wakes up, his head’s basically just in one big blur for a while until the memories start to come back

Then he just starts shaking and hugging them while constantly muttering apologies (even though he still has EVERY RIGHT to be mad)

”Battle scars” take the form of purple(-er) wings, fangs and a halo

Mind

Mind’s is a pretty different case

While his was also caused by days of repeated trauma, as Abstractions tend to be, his problem is that he kept trying to bottle it up and only started to show even the tiniest cracks just before the transformation

(after all, I don’t think they’d take a chance like that again after what happened with Heart)

He likely Abstracted right in front of Heart and Soul

His design was based off of UFOs, obviously, as well as a brain and spine. The eyelashes are meant to look like the sun’s rays

When he Abstracts, all laws of physics in the Headspace basically stop working and the place gets even weirder than normal

Despite having the advantage of Soul’s trident this time, taking him down is a lot harder since he’s metal: the key is to tire him out

When he wakes up after the fact, he’s even more of an asshole than usual, but mainly because he’s still tired and stressed

He gets all quiet once the memories start to come back to him though, like he feels bad about attacking them so violently but doesn’t really know how to express it

”Battle scars” take the form of rhombus-shaped pupils and back spikes

Soul

If you’re a time loop fan, then Soul Abstracting is typically what restarts the loop

He was designed to be the most humanoid to show that he was the closest to Whole, with three heads because… you know why

When he Abstracts, he fuses with his trident, the Headspace becomes black and white, and starts slowly to fall apart

Heart and Mind do not stand a CHANCE in this fight, hence why his Abstraction is inevitably what restarts the loop

However, if by some chance they lasted long enough for things to go back to normal, I imagine Soul would be… surprisingly nice after going back to normal

It’s like finally letting it all out made him calm down a bit. He’s still pretty awkward around them, but better than you might think

Even when the memories come back, sure he kinda shuts himself in for a bit and avoids talking about it, but he’s not as closed off as Mind is

Battle scars take the form of his right eye becoming normal (as in not identical to his left eye as seen in the art), and the left side of his face being covered in black (to match his face in his Abstracted form)

[danieyells]

Hi! So, which characters do you think have the worst post nut clarity? (Yes I was bored, can you tell?(?) I need the new chapter to release alreadyyy...).

I think Yuri would be around the top, even more if he was so into the moment that he called Mc (or his partner, yey multishipping) "mamma" or something. Dude would be pulling the surprise lobotomy on the table (or bed).

Ren also gives me the vibes of having it bad. Like, dude would be having a full on monologue of "How did he behave in such an ooc way, this didn't happen, yada yada". So like, good luck dealing with him(?).

Romeo... I think it would depend (Yet I wanna add him cuz I love him <3 so let me delulu myself). I like headcanning (is that a word? I forgot how headcannon was used as a verb lmao) him as a bottom, so I like to think that he would be embarassed as fuck of having acted submissive. He is the proud owner of the casino, his name terrifies any student of the Sinostra house, and several from another houses, he did not whimper like a common horny off-brand idiot, and no, he didn't cry. Ah, you say he looked beautiful? Well, maaaybe he did then.

Hello! I mean I think it'd depend a lot on like. What kind of sex they were having and why and with who lmao LIKE YOU CAN'T HAVE POST NUT CLARITY IF IT WAS SOMETHING YOU'D DO REGARDLESS RIGHT?

Jin probably wouldn't get into a sexual situation he wasn't particularly into in the first place. He kinda gets post nut clarity in that once he's done there's a good chance he doesn't wanna be around the person anymore and tells them to leave lmao. Of course if it's a beloved partner or someone he trusts he's. . .a little clingier.

Tohma similarly wouldn't be in a situation where he regrets his sexual choices I think.

Kaito's post nut experience is entirely euphoric. Mostly because the guy probably wouldn't end up in a one night stand or something where he'd be questioning his life choices. Any clarity is in the moment, directly before, or hours afterwards, and it's usually questioning his relationship status or sexuality.

Luca also would be very sure about his sexual interactions and what they are and their meaning. No post nut clarity, but he's very attentive after the fact. You'll get aftercare after the most vanilla sex with him. (Which, realistically, isn't a bad thing!)

Alan might have some in the form of realizing how dangerous that interaction could have been. He'd probably check on his partner just to be sure nothing went wrong that he didn't realize. He'd feel bad about being reckless and possibly careless until he's sure his partner's alright.

Leo is a lot like Jin in this way in that he wouldn't be in a situation where he slept with someone he wasn't sure about in the first place, even as a fling. If he wasn't into it he'd stop everything midfuck. Also like Jin the closest he gets to post nut clarity is probably "okay, we're done, get out" with someone he's not so close to lmao. Everyone else gets post-fuck bathtime. May or may not result in more sex.

Sho is a bit of a player(you think Leo's the slut but it's not! It's Sho!) but he's pretty good about figuring out who he is and isn't gonna regret a night with. Sometimes post nut clarity with Leo because he gets a little caught up in Leo--but it's not a bad post nut clarity, it's a "everything about that was great it was just stupid/extreme and i wouldn't've done it with most anyone else" post nut clariry

Haru's post nut clarity is 100% oh my god i have so much work to do i should not have done that jdbdudidn. That or "this is what life is about and i work way too hard". Like, he goes back to overworking anyway because he needs to make sure none of the animals die and it's his responsibility and all but he bounces between 'that was amazing and also took up so much valuable work time' and 'wtf am i doing i could be doing this way more if i wasn't working myself so hard'

Towa has no concept of post nut clarity. Towa gets post nut infatuation in which he is instantly in love with whoever just made him come, if he wasn't already. May or may not be temporary.

Ren. . .I think Ren would have a high chance kf being in shock and wondering how the hell he got here and let himself be in this situation. Even if he's in a relationship. Like, sex is a lot of work to start with. Being convinced into having sex or getting seduced. . .like, the likelihood that he'd bring it up himself is kinda slim. It just goes against everything relating himself he's used to--he's not angry or anything, he's just. . .confused. He knows himself, he's a total tsundere, he hates being around people, how did he somehow get laid anyway???? He plays the events back in his head and it makes sense but he's still confused. No, wait, don't leave he's just. . .pulling himself together. All sex, even in a relationship, will end like this for a while until he comes to terms with it and starts to sleep it off because a lot of effort and feelings happened just then okay he needs a nap. He is the worst about it for a while, I agree. He's just not used to putting in that kind of work and there being an actual payout, or feeling so many good things at once.

Taiga wouldn't have post nut clarity. He knows what he did. However if he hadn't eaten enough beforehand he might have post-nut brainfog and wander off in a daze to find food, barely putting his pants back on in the process. Otherwise? If anyone's getting post nut clarity it's whoever he fucked. Because why did they make this decision? They're probably in a lot of pain and Taiga's just laughing and cheerful and telling them how good it was.

Romeo. . .Romeo's careful about his sexual choices, but he can definitely have some bad post nut clarity if he's not with someone he adores or is really comfortable with. He's sticky and sweaty and smells and it's awful. Was it worth the pleasure? Sure a shower will fix it but ugh his skin. . . . He might feel some embarrassment at having sex with someone 'below' him if felt like he wasn't in control of the situation and wasn't highly attached to them, and he might chew them out if he wasn't totally satisfied or wasn't being treated appropriately(read: worshipped and praised and thanked and apologies for any discomfort or mess) but for the most part I think the worst of it that they would see would be him complaining about being sticky or dirty before he dismisses them from the room. He's a lot calmer with someone he likes I think. And if he adores you well. He'll endure being dirty if it means being close for a little longer.

Ritsu simply would not be having casual sex I think. Casual sex would absolutely be met with post nut clarity and embarrassment. He's got little to no experience and would think it's inappropriate and unprofessional for him to be fucking around and would procure an NDA for them to sign. This never happened.

Subaru would have a ton of post nut clarity simply because along with the sex he got a whole serving of the other person's feelings and memories and he is utterly exhausted. There's so much to go through and unpack mentally and. . .he's drained from his stigma activating and the orgasm. He would have post nut clarity after his post sex nap. And by 'nap' i mean he's asleep for like two hours. Like you cannot fuck him without him conking out right after, i am sorry.

Haku is too casual about sex for post nut clarity. He wanted it if only in the moment, it felt good, what else is there to think about?

Zenji has post nut inspiration. He very well might immediately move away from his partner to start penning up a song or story or something right after he comes. For best results, they should come first.

Ed laughs in the face of post nut clarity. He's 400 years old, please. What is there for him to think about besides whether or not he wants to feed off of whoever he fucked and go another two or three hours.

Rui. . .assuming you can't have sex directly and you're idk masturbating together or using toys he might have a post nut feeling of 'oh i'm kind of touch staved and lonely actually and i don't know if this helped or hurt that feeling'. He'd bottle it up though. No need to see him feeling bad when you did something good right? He has time to process those feelings later, it's not like he'll be sleeping.

Lyca is a very simple guy. It felt good right? Nothing more to think about. No worries to be had unless you had sex in a non-vanilla way, in which case his mind may be a little blown and he might be processing it still. In the moment he's just following instinct--do whatever feels good and seems interesting and makes his partner smell the most pleasured. Afterwards there's more to consider.

Yuri losing control in any situation has him very shaken up and humiliated and panicky unless he trusts the person he was with a lot(and even then he still may need some form of aftercare, he gets flustered over the thought of your exposed back after all--). Not to mention how much time was just spent that could have been spent elsewhere! If he was in control it's not nearly as bad but if he wasn't. . .oh he's freaking out. Oh he's kicking his partner out of the room. "And do not speak of this to anybody!" like he didn't yell it out into the dorm hallway. And then he's gonna freak out a little on his own time. But he might have some sort of drug for that. On the other hand, post nut breakthrough where he immediately abandons his partner to run to the lab because he just had the most amazing idea and he has to go test it out right now--

Jiro. . .yeah, Jiro is another person who doesn't see the point in stressing about this kind of thing. What is there to clarify?

SO YEAH I DEFINITELY AGREE WITH YOU ON REN AND YURI AND MAYBE ROMEO. I think Subaru would too, if he could stay awake long enough--he'd just be feeling so much he'd be an absolute wreck. I feel like Romeo has more room for recovery before any sort of dread or confusion or disgust kicks in--you can divert his attention with compliments and he'll calm down pretty fast. You still might get a gun/knife to the neck and a threat to not speak of what just happened if he was bottoming/subbing though. You were given the great pleasure of pleasuring Romeo Scorpus Lucci, and you will take that 'performance' to your grave. If he so much as catches a whisper of that you talked, some truly awful things will be done to you.

[makethosenarratorsfight]

UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SIDE C

*NOTE; tie sweeps require a 50/50 with a 0.2 margin. additionally, the extra propaganda is at the very bottom, with it being kinda funky

Harrowhark Propaganda:

She gave herself a lobotomy and gives completely incorrect flashbacks to the previous book. Things that straight up did not happen. Gaslight gatekeep girlboss.

She’s schizophrenic (confirmed by the author) and also lives in a world with necromancy and ghostly revenants. She’s not just an unreliable narrator for readers, she’s an unreliable narrator of her own internal experience. She knows this and has to work with people around her to compensate for it. Descent into spoilerville below. Seriously Do Not Read if you want to read these books. There’s also the little matter about how she is *not actually the narrator* of a huge chunk of the story that we are initially led to believe is being told from her perspective.

(Spoilers) Holy shit she is THE most unreliable narrator. This gremlin gave herself a lobotomy so that she could forget about Gideon Nav, the most important person in her life (for magic soul-preserving reasons) so half of the second book in the series is spent gaslighting the reader about a book they just read. She comes up with an entire alternate version of the events of the first book in the series to carefully exclude any mentions of Gideon, and any time someone says ‘Gideon’ in front of her she LITERALLY has a stroke and/or an intercranial hemorrhage as her brain overwrites the word with someone else’s name. God occasionally intentionally triggers her memory revision to get out of difficult conversations. She also hallucinates ALL the time (unrelated to the lobotomy). She shows up at her frenemy’s room in the middle of the night (think little kid stumbling to their parents’ room and saying “I frew up”) to ask her to come check underneath her bed for the corpse that’s been wandering the space station. When frenemy checks underneath the bed, frenemy claims not to see anything, and Harrow is such an unbelievably unreliable narrator that it’s an open question in the fandom as to whether frenemy genuinely didn’t see the corpse or if frenemy was just yanking Harrow’s chain. Harrow is also haunted by a literal ghost that fucks up her already fucked up alternate history. Girlie will pick up a piece of paper and read from it the most violent and haunting piece of prose ever composed, when in reality all that’s written on the paper is the elementary school Superman S*. I am NOT joking that is a real goddamn scene. Harrow was created to win this poll. TLDR; she has brain damage and memory loss, she hallucinates, and is also haunted. * https://twitter.com/vestenet/status/1301012651145859072

Girl is so unreliable, she unreliably tells me events I was there for!!! She's retelling the previous book and I'm like "girlie, this is absolutely not how it happened". Also, she gave herself a DIY lobotomy, it has to impact your memory center I guess

She literally had a lobotomy, how can she be reliable

Gideon Nav Propaganda:

(Spoilers for Ht9) She just. Fully ignores most of the magic plot happening around her in the first boom to be a dyke. In the second book it’s even less reliable and it’s fully fucking insane. It’s first person but she’s telling YOU (harrow) what is happening and it’s impossible to decipher. The appearance and personality of every character is fully morphed by Gideon’s mean dykishness.

MASSIVE spoilers. Like even mentioning that this is a thing is a huge fucking spoiler. I normally don’t care about spoilers that much but I legitimately feel awful for anyone with even a passing interest in reading these books who has this spoiled for them. Anyway. Yeah turns out the second-person narration is actually a first-person narration by the dead girl living in Harrow’s head whose death traumatized Harrow (and the entire fandom) so badly that she literally lobotomized herself to forget it and give Gideon a chance at not having her soul digested.

constantly adds her own commentary, does not pay attention to the interesting moving parts of the plot bc she's too busy looking at pretty girls, cannot be trusted to read her own intentions correctly never mind anyone else's. I love her dearly

she just doesn’t notice or doesn’t give a shit about a ton of plot-essential information. Harrow and Palamedes are talking about a necromantic theorem that would blow open the entire story if we could hear them? You can instantly feel Gideon’s eyes glaze over and her mind wander to the nearest available hot girl, and our attention goes with her. It’s handled so smoothly that you might not even notice it happening until a second or third read.

More Propaganda under cut!

Harrowhark:

Harrowhark is simply the unreliable narrator of all time. Can’t remember shit because of a lifetime of trauma? Check. Maybe lying to yourself and those around you a bit? Most definitely. Being gaslit by the survivors you depend on to orient you to reality? For sure. How about a little bit of canon schizophrenia? She’s got it all. Ghosts? Or something? Spirits that are attached in some way to your body and are not perceivable by others? Sure, sure! But how about spirits that are attached in some way to your body and are gonna use you to hijack others’ bodies and maybe kill God, too? Absolutely. Wee bit of DIY brain surgery? If it would make you an unreliable narrator, friends, then Harrowhark Nonagesimus has been there, been subjected to that!

Okay I don't know that much about this series since I haven't convinced myself to read all of the first book, but this is my blorbo in law so I'd feel bad not spreading propaganda (all of what I'm saying is something I've read, as to prevent myself from straight up submitting misinformation). So all of Harrow's unreliable narration takes place in the second book, Harrow the Ninth. Basically, without her even seemingto acknowledge it, Harrow's brain is very fucked up during this book, to the point where even she's not sure how reliable her narrative is. There's many questions left unclear as a result of her fucked up little brain, like what's real, what's fake, whether we can trust her judgement, whether even she can trust her own judgement, whether her original cavalier is dead or not (Harrow is convinced she is), etc. Let me tell you, I adore unreliable narrators who aren't even that sure if they're reliable. I have yet to eat that trope up here in this circumstance, but this poll might not run again by the time I do, so for now, here's my messed up blorbo in law.

OKAY SO REMEMBER MY GIDEON SUBMISSION? HARROW DOESN’T! SPOILERS AHEAD BECAUSE SHE LOBOTOMIZED HERSELF TO FORGET GIDEON BECAUSE THAT’S A HEALTHY WAY TO GRIEVE AND THEN IN THE ONLY PARTS OF HER BOOK THAT SHE NARRATES (THE REVISED CANAAN HOUSE PARTS) IT’S LITERALLY A ROOM FULL OF GHOSTS HER BRAIN SUMMONED TO DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT SHE CUT HER BRAIN IN HALF TO FORGET GIDEON. she also is a) haunted and b) psychotic, experiencing hallucinations her entire life of both the ghosts haunting her and less supernatural hallucinations- bells tolling, bones rattling, her parents (some of the only dead people NOT haunting her), etc! in the revised history of canaan house that her brainghosts invent, she brings along someone who knows about her psychosis to help reality check her when she tells him go! her caregiver as a child and support when she got older, crux, is a horrible man- but at one point, when someone other than harrow is in harrow’s body and tells him “i am not harrowhark, i am sorry,” his response is simply “aye, you’ve said that before too. who are you then, if not my lady harrowhark?” showing his familiarity with her psychosis and his love for the child he wouldn’t dare see as a daughter. but enough about that lets talk about her unreliable narration! she lies about her feelings of course but she also simply hides the truth from everyone, all the time, compulsively. also literally the entire section of her book that she narrates is a lie she’s telling US about a lie she’s telling HERSELF and no one understands even a little bit of the truth until like the last act of the book. queen.

Gideon Nav:

Gideon Nav is all but useless as a narrator, and we love her for it. So first of all, she knows absolutely nothing. She grew up under a rock. Almost literally. When the plot is happening near her, she almost never tells us about it. Politics, history, and the magic system are boring. Let her know when there's something she can FIGHT. She also has very selective emphasis and focus that can change a scene completely without ever actually lying. She can tell the same story—to us, in her third-person narration as a factual recounting—and in one version the incident will be a schoolyard scuffle, while a later telling will reveal it to have been a near-homicide. She'll confidently interpret other character's motivations and emotions, only to later be proven wrong. But the thing that makes her REALLY unreliable? She lies to HERSELF constantly. She will tell us in her narration that she doesn't give a shit where someone disappeared to, and then spend the whole day searching for them. She'll say she hates someone, when. Well....

okay so i am actually going to do one segment about her own book and one about harrow’s so many apologies and also many spoilers ahead okay? okay so in gideon the ninth it’s a well known thing that she’s an unreliable narrator on two fronts: she lies to herself and therefore us about how she’s feeling and what she’s thinking, and also she isn’t paying attention to the plot at all. the only things she pays any attention to are hot girls, swords, and hot girls with swords. at one point she watches their only way out be sealed off and is so bored about it that she goes to sleep watching it happen, taking absolutely no note of “oh hey they’re trapping us here”. later someone asks IN FRONT OF HER “hey where did all our shuttles go” and shes like “😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌” and still does not make the connection. babygirl. but THEN!!!!! in HARROW the ninth (MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD) gideon is the narrator the ENTIRE TIME (except for the revised canaan house parts) and not only does she editorialize, she also straight up lies about events and motivations! partially justified by her being inside harrow’s head, but like. babygirl. beloved. the interjections of “holy fuck” and “pommel” and othersuch things is so important to my mental health and wellbeing. thank you. thank you for lying to us so so much.

[readingsfrommars]

A Hero in a City Full of Giants, Part 2

Alright, I've done Shi Association and Blade Lineage, now it's time for Lobotomy Corp and W Corp! These two will probably be relatively brief (they were not), but if you know the context, it won't come as a surprise.

After this will be Don's Middle and N Corp IDs!

Oh, Lobotomy Corp Don. You silly thing, you. I will say, on a completely unrelated note, it's cool to see how abnormalities look without the cognition filter active.

The Walpurgis night IDs feel slightly less "canon" than the others, to me, although that's more of an opinion thing. I'd be happy to explain why if asked.

Anyway, the fact that Don received a Lobotomy Corporation ID instead of one of the Library of Ruina ones is interesting here, as we know this specifically is the Lob Corp facility we play through in the game. So, we get the benefit of knowing a bit more context toward her working situation, although to be perfectly honest, the only thing that actually matters is the knowledge of her assigned abnormality, O-04-84, or Meat Lantern.

For those who don't know, Meat Lantern can be a rather frustrating abnormality to work with. First of all, it doesn't like if a work session with it ends too early, and is a fairly common escapee when shit hits the fan. Now, if it were any other abnormality this would be fairly manageable, it's just a matter of suppressing it and that's that, but Meat Lantern is a special case.

Firstly, you will not be notified that Meat Lantern has breached containment. Secondly, once you do realise, you will notice that it isn't roaming the facility. Instead, it has teleported somewhere in the facility and is waiting with its lantern sprouted out of the ground like a flower. If someone walks over the flower, they are killed instantly. You will need to find it before it kills too many people, or, worse, kills one of your important agents. It is a deceptively lethal abno with the right circumstances.

So why did I take the time to explain all of this? Well, if you were someone who, for example, aspired to be a hero that helped the weak and were given the responsibility of dealing with an abnormality that when left to its own devices can kill dozens of employees without being noticed, you would probably place a lot of importance on making sure it didn't do exactly that.

Lob Corp Don has a different way of seeing things, comparing it more akin to a game of Hide and Seek and punishing it for the "mischief" of killing multiple people by smacking its backside before placing it back in containment.

While, Don has always been an oddball case, this feels... strange to me. The most likely cause of this in my eyes is the armour she's wearing. As we have been shown through a number of different stories in Project Moon's catalogue, wearing E.G.O is not without its side-effects upon one's psyche. Obviously there is also the working conditions, as multiple instances within Lob Corp show that the body count is very high in that place (Lookin at you, Queen of Hatred). The way that it appears to have affected Don's mind is that she appears to have a great deal of affection towards the abnormalities, calling Meat Lantern (which outright eats people) cute and struggling to punish it for, again, eating people.

Suffice it to say, Lobotomy Corporation Don Quixote is no hero, although she has a commendable work ethic at least.

W Corp Don is a prime example of the speed at which The City can and will bring Don to ruin.

If you know how WARP trains work, you know why I don't need to explain much here. If you don't...

WARP trains are a form of near-instantaneous public transit, which is all well and good until you remember how time works when moving at or close to the speed of light. If you are not in first class seating, you will discover a few things.

Firstly, the train does not, in fact reach its destination instantly. Initially, people on the train may think this is the result of some sort of breakdown, and that, once the train is fixed, they will be able to get out at their desired stop soon.

Secondly, you do not need to eat or drink while on the train. This is not immediately apparent to the passengers, but when minutes becomes hours and the train still hasn't reached its destination, this will eventually be noticeable.

Eventually, hours will become days, weeks, then months. People will begin to panic, some may become violent, and if you are unlucky enough to see someone go past the point of no return, you will learn the final, terrible truth of WARP trains.

You cannot die within a WARP train. No matter what happens to you, you will still be conscious. You are forced to experience the full journey, even after a hundred years and you've watched countless people, who were once strangers, but have become life-long friends in the countless years since. Even after three thousand years, when you have long since forgotten your name, language, and what you were when you got onto the train. You will live through it all.

At your destination, a functionally identical reconstruction of you will leave the train at its destination, completely unaware of the eternity they experienced behind them.

This one does not need much explanation, although I will happily point out one very interesting detail about the ID story.

W Corp Don's ID story does not show her Uptie 3 art at all. All we see after her initial ID art is a black screen as it describes that Don's reaction of disgust and horror is the same reaction anyone has upon learning the truth of the trains.

Instead, the Uptie 3 art gives us the aftermath.

It shows us what the revelation has turned Don into.

Do you see a hero here? Because if you ask me, I don't think the word "hero" will appear in W Corp Don's thoughts ever again after this point.

[gaslightgatekeepgirlbosscombat]

Semifinals, Poll 2

Propaganda under the cut

GLaDOS

I mean, obviously.

Ianthe Tridentarius

She is trying so hard to be the main character by lying and manipulating her sister, her cavalier, her mentor, her ?love interests? (Spoiler???) And also god. Not sure how it's working out for her but she does love to lie and manipulate

Worstie Ianthe is the DEFINITION of gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. She is one of a set of necromancer twins that are the heirs to their houses rule. Except wait, only she is a necromancer and she has spent their entire lives doing necromancy for the both of them. She is constantly mean to their cavalier, Naberius, who she occasionally nibbles on like a chew toy, before eventually killing and eating him to ascend to sainthood. She goes to gods spaceship with another woman who ascended to sainthood who she has a crush on, this other woman is like…. Both incredibly mentally unwell and also haunted by at least 211 ghosts. Ianthes method of flirting with her? Gaslighting her about the corpse that keeps moving around and hiding under her bed. For no real reason tbh. She is clearly plotting to overthrow god, and at the moment that consists of her manipulating him while he’s too sad about his long term partners betraying him and subsequently exploding to really care. She dresses in terrible outfits and makes soup by burning onions to the bottom of a pot, putting meat in and some vegetables and then it doesn’t taste like anything so she puts in a few teaspoons of salt so it tastes like a few teaspoons of salt. She had her crush amputate her arm and regrow her a new one out of bone and it’s one of the horniest things I’ve read in my life.

"Gaslight = told her lobotomized (she helped), schizophrenic girlobsession that there was no corpse under their bed, even tho there totally was. Gatekeep = girl did NOT share the secret to god-like ascension. She kept that shit to herself until it was time to eat her boytoy, and by then everyone knew already. Girlboss = she has a non-necromancer twin sister, and literally Everyone thinks they r both necromancers because Ianthe is so good at it. She reverse engineered ascending to the aforementioned ascension without even completing any of the supplementary tasks. She held her own in a fight against a 10k year old lyctor. She becomes the figurehead of her entire empire. "

She uses a man as a chewtoy in the first book, literally gaslights the protagonist of the second book about a corpse, and elder-abuses God when he gets depressed in the third book. Nobody is doing it like her.

Dives headfirst with no regrets while basically laughing and covered in blood into murdering her cavalier once she realizes what the gothic locked room mystery/competition leads to while everyone else is questioning it, helps perform lobotomy on harrow so she doesn't remember the person she loves, manipulates everyone to get to the top

idk just everything about her

her relationship with her sister is incredibly Bad, she fosters codependency and views Corona(the sister) as an extension of herself. This does not stop her from keeping up the con that Corona actually has magic (She doesn't, it was always just Ianthe) for 22ish years and every single person who interacts with them falls for it. She killed a man against his will (most dying for this purpose specifically go willingly) and she consumed him and she will be burning his soul for eternity. She's completely repulsive and still somehow incredibly hot.

she takes advantage of the fact that the main character is prone to hallucinations. at one point she gaslights the mc into believing that the corpse under her bed isn't real just because she can. she reverse engineered a set of very complex trials on her own without anyone realizing she had the skills to complete them normally. she's also babysat god through his drunk and pathetic era.

Artist: olivecow (deviantart)