#the summary is still helping though i think

[mrsfancyferrari]

Real Love

Summary: You and Carlos were just supposed to be a PR couple for less than a year but someone decided to catch feelings.

Song: Love Story - Indila

Author’s note: I can't write short stories to save my life. I hope you enjoy this long journey which may take a full day to read. Please like, reblog and share this! <3

Word count: 8.6k

It all started as a simple PR arrangement between you, a well-known influencer, and Carlos Sainz, the Formula 1 driver. We were both told it would only last less than a year - just long enough to boost our public profiles and create some buzz. Little did we know, someone had other plans.

At first, it was easy enough. We attended events together, posted cute couple photos on social media, and played the part of the perfect pair. The chemistry between us felt natural, which made the whole charade convincing.

Your routine was simple enough.

You and Carlos would meet up at his house and he would drive you both to the paddock while sharing a small conversation about what happened in your jobs in the last weeks.

The roar of the engines and the excited chatter of the fans would fill the air around you.

As you reach the Ferrari garage, Carlos turns to you. "I've got some meetings with Charles to attend to, but you're free to explore or chat with the other drivers' partners if you'd like. I'll catch up with you in a bit, okay?"

You nod, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. "Sounds good. I'll be around if you need me." With a smile, you part ways, ready to take in the bustling atmosphere of the Ferrari garage.

Because of your ‘relationship’, you were able to make friends with your current bestie, Lily Muni.

You and your close friend Lily would often engage in candid discussions about your romantic entanglements, particularly your faux relationship with Carlos. Despite being the sole confidante privy to the fact that your connection with Carlos was entirely fabricated, Lily wholeheartedly embraced the role of your number one supporter and "shipper."

She would enthusiastically encourage you, even though she was fully aware that your purported love affair was merely a façade maintained for the benefit of others.

"So what's going on with you these days?" Lily asked curiously since you hadn't seen her in a few weeks. You knew that she wanted to know more about your relationship but it was still the same.

"Lily, I don't know what you're waiting for," You replied, taking a sip of your coffee. "We're going to be like this until the contract ends."

Lily looked at you with a knowing look, smiling at your denial, "Not until one of you decides to confess, I bet it's gonna be Carlos. I see where his eyes go when you're not looking."

You can feel your cheeks heat up at Lily's teasing words, and you quickly avert your gaze, trying to hide your embarrassment.

Blushing, you try to hide your embarrassment by taking another sip of your coffee, hoping to distract yourself.

Deep down, you couldn't deny the flutter of hope that Lily's words sparked within you, secretly wishing that her prediction would come true and Carlos would finally reveal his true feelings.

"Come on, Lily, you know it's all just for show," you say with a nervous laugh, hoping to dismiss any romantic notions. Deep down, however, you can't help but wonder if there might be some truth to her playful observations.

Lily chuckles mischievously, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "Oh, I know, I know. But you can't blame me for hoping, can you? Sometimes, even the most make-believe romances have a way of turning real."

You nodded before thinking of her words, realizing that there were indeed moments when Carlos's gaze lingered a little longer, or when his touches felt a little more intentional. Maybe, just maybe, Lily's playful observations held more truth than you were willing to admit.

As you sat there with your coffee, a newfound sense of curiosity and anticipation began to take root within you, wondering if this faux relationship could possibly evolve into something genuine and heartfelt.

You would be lying if you said that you didn't have a crush on Carlos. His charm and the way he made you feel special were undeniable. It wasn't just the little moments or his playful gestures, it was the way your heart skipped a beat whenever he was near.

Every time he looked into your eyes, it felt like there was something more behind his gaze. And now, with Lily's playful observations, the possibility of those feelings being reciprocated started to flicker in your mind, making your heart race with anticipation.

But you knew that breaking the rules of the PR contract because of your feelings was not an option. You couldn't risk jeopardizing the professional relationship and the project you had been working on together.

Besides, you reminded yourself, sometimes it's better to keep a crush as a secret, unrequited admiration rather than risking the potential fallout that could come from crossing that line.

So, you decided to bury those feelings deep down, focusing on the task at hand and maintaining a professional demeanor, even if your heart still fluttered every time Carlos entered the room.

It was a bittersweet realization, but one that you knew was necessary for the sake of your career and the project's success.

After catching up with Lily, you had to head back to the Ferrari garage to see Carlos one more time before he goes to the first sprint of the race, your heart pounding with a mixture of excitement and trepidation.

You took a deep breath, preparing yourself to put on your best poker face, to hide the feelings that threatened to spill over.

This would be the last time you allowed yourself to indulge in this fantasy, the last time you let your heart flutter at the sight of him. From now on, it would be all business, all focus, and no room for what-ifs and maybes.

As you entered, you found Carlos focused on preparing for the race, his eyes fixed on the car before him. You couldn't help but admire his dedication and skill, a reminder of why you were drawn to him in the first place.

Taking a deep breath, you approached him, ready to wish him luck and carry on with your professional duties.

But as you stood there, your eyes locked with his, you couldn't help but wonder if there was something more beneath the surface, something that Lily's playful observations had hinted at.

As he smiled at you and gestured for you to come over, a glimmer of hope ignited within you. Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for something more between you two, despite the professional boundaries. But you quickly pushed those thoughts aside, reminding yourself of the risks involved and the importance of staying focused on the task at hand.

With a smile, you returned his gesture and walked over, ready to offer your well wishes for the race.

As soon as you got close enough, his hand sneaked across your waist, sending a shiver down your spine. Your heart raced as he pulled you closer, his lips meeting yours in a passionate kiss.

The world seemed to stand still for a moment as the warmth of his touch and the sweetness of his kiss enveloped you. It was a moment of pure bliss, a confirmation that there was indeed something more between you two.

But as quickly as it happened, reality came crashing back.

You pulled away, your heart pounding with a mixture of desire and uncertainty.

That was normal for you two. It doesn't mean anything.

"Good luck with your race," you muttered, your voice barely above a whisper.

As you glanced from his lips to his eyes and saw that he did the same thing, a spark of connection flickered between you, leaving you wondering if there was more to this moment than either of you were willing to admit.

“Mi amor, I will definitely win with you being my good luck charm,” He said, smirking at the affect his words still had on you.

Reluctantly, you watched as Carlos tore his gaze away from you and focused on the final preparations of his car. With a heavy heart, you knew that this fleeting moment of connection would have to be set aside for now.

He had a race to win, and you had your own professional duties to attend to. As he climbed into the driver's seat and drove off to the starting line, you could only hope that the universe would bring you together again, when the time was right. . . .

Carlos ended up being first in practice 1, which was very surprising for everyone. His skill and determination were evident as he flawlessly maneuvered the twists and turns of the track, leaving his competitors in the dust.

The cheers and applause from the crowd filled the air, but amidst the excitement, you couldn't help but feel a sense of pride and admiration for Carlos. . . .

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As you sat on Carlos's bed, waiting for him to finish dressing up. You couldn't help but feel a mix of nervousness and anticipation. Carlos and you had to go to an event together so you were now sitting on his bed, all dolled up.

The dress you were given to wear to the event was a stunning crimson masterpiece. Its vibrant hue perfectly represented the fiery spirit of Ferrari, mirroring Carlos's passion and determination on the racetrack.

The fabric gracefully hugged your curves, accentuating your figure in all the right places. The bodice was beautifully adorned with intricate lace detailing, adding a touch of elegance to the ensemble. The dress flowed effortlessly down to the floor, creating a mesmerizing silhouette as you walked.

As you looked at yourself in the mirror, you couldn't help but feel a sense of empowerment and confidence.

You glanced at the clock, realizing that time was running out. You hoped that Carlos would hurry and join you soon.

As you read the Twitter comments questioning the authenticity of your relationship with Carlos, a wave of insecurity washed over you.

Despite knowing the truth of your connection, the doubts planted by strangers made you question your ability to convince fans of your 'love' for each other.

It was disheartening to realize that no matter how real your feelings were, they could still be perceived as fake by those who only saw glimpses of your lives through social media.

"Carlos?" you knocked on the bathroom door, wanting to know what he was still doing as they needed to go.

As you waited for a response, you couldn't help but wonder if he was feeling the same pressure and scrutiny from fans as you were, and if it was affecting his confidence as well.

"Yes cariño, you can come in," you heard his voice and you decided to open the door.

As you entered the bathroom, the sight of Carlos's bare back took your breath away. His muscles rippled under his smooth skin, and the towel that hung loosely around his waist only added to the allure.

His toned muscles glistened with droplets of water, and you couldn't help but appreciate the physical strength and athleticism that made him a champion on the racetrack.

You tried to maintain composure, but it was impossible to tear your eyes away from him. You were suddenly aware of the growing heat in the room, a reflection of the intense chemistry that existed between the two of you.

He turned to face you, a knowing smile playing on his lips. "Like what you see?" he teased, causing your heart to race even faster.

You quickly averted your gaze, feeling a blush creep up your cheeks. "Sorry," you stammered, turning around to give him privacy. "I didn't realize you weren't dressed yet."

"It's okay cariño, since you're here, do you mind rubbing my back? It's hard to reach sometimes," He asked, gesturing to the bottle close to you on the shelf but still not turning around and applying some lotion onto his face.

"Sure Carlos," you replied.

You took a small amount of lotion in your hands and began to gently rub it onto Carlos's bare back, your fingers gliding smoothly over his muscles.

As you worked your way from his shoulders down to his lower back, you couldn't help but admire the strength and resilience they represented.

The physical contact eased the tension that had been building up in his back, making him stop what he was doing and sigh in relief.

"Am I that good?" you teased.

Chuckling, Carlos' eyes were still closed in bliss. "Well, cariño, you have magic hands. I've never felt so relaxed. Maybe I should consider hiring you as my personal masseur," he muttered.

Giggling softly, you replied, "Well, it seems like I have a hidden talent then. I can give you a massage after your races if you'd like."

"Yes please cariño," He pleaded.

You were taken aback by the intensity of his plea, and the way his voice resonated in your ears sent a shiver down your spine. Your cheeks flushed even deeper as you realized the effect you had on him, and a mix of excitement and nervousness washed over you.

"Y/N? Why did you stop?" Carlos asked, finally turning around to face you, his eyes locked with yours.

The electricity in the room seemed to intensify as you found yourself lost in his gaze, unable to find the words to explain the sudden halt in your actions.

"Carlos, we have an important event to go to. We can't waste time here," you reminded him and yourself. You just remembered the event that left your mind as soon as you stepped inside the bathroom.

Carlos pouted at your words, his disappointment evident. He knew that the event was important, but he couldn't help but feel a twinge of regret at leaving behind the intimate moment the two of you were sharing.

"We can't just spend a few minutes?" Carlos asked, trying his luck.

"Carlos, this event is about Ferrari," You started, going over to wash your hands. "You have to be there and be there early."

Carlos pouted at your words, remembering the event too. "I guess you're right," he said with a hint of disappointment. "But don't worry, I'll hold you to that promise of a massage later."

"You'll get them soon enough," You replied smiling, walking out of the bathroom, leaving Carlos to change into his suit. . . .

You two had made it to the event half an hour before it was going to start, and as you got out of Carlos' car, you were bombarded with the paparazzi.

Flashbulbs went off incessantly as reporters shouted questions and cameramen jostled for the best angle.

Carlos, being used to this, instinctively shielded you from the chaos, wrapping his arm around your waist and guiding you towards the entrance, where security personnel were waiting to escort you inside.

As soon as you two had gotten into the building, you were able to breathe, soaking in the momentary calmness before the storm of socializing began.

You glanced at Carlos, his hand still lingering on your waist, and you exchanged a knowing smile, silently reassuring each other that you were in this together.

Taking a deep breath, you prepared to gracefully navigate the room, greeting and mingling with the various groups of people in attendance.

Taking a moment to compose yourselves, you scanned the room and spotted familiar faces from various racing teams and sponsors.

Making your way over to each group, you exchanged warm greetings and engaged in small talk, ensuring that you maintained the necessary professional connections in the racing world for Carlos.

"Carlos! Y/N!" a voice called you from in the crowd, and you both turned around to see Benedetto Vigna, the CEO of Ferrari, making his way towards you with a warm smile.

It was a relief to see a familiar face amidst the sea of strangers, and you greeted him with enthusiasm, ready to discuss the future of the partnership between Carlos and Ferrari.

"It's so wonderful to see you both here tonight," he exclaimed, extending his hand in greeting.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Carlos replied, giving him a quick hug with a smile.

You looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Wasn't he the one who wanted to stay at home longer for a massage?

As you and Carlos were about to join Benedetto Vigna for a group picture with Charles and his girlfriend Alexandra, you couldn't help but notice Carlos shooting you a mischievous grin.

"Looks like someone changed their mind about staying at home for massages," you whispered playfully, causing Carlos to chuckle as the camera flashed, capturing the moment of camaraderie between the four of you.

You couldn't help but blush as Carlos leaned in closer, his grip on your waist tightening. "I'm still getting that massage, aren't I?" he whispered playfully into your ear, causing a shiver to run down your spine.

You chuckled softly at Carlos's words, feeling a surge of warmth as his grip tightened around your waist. "Of course," you whispered back, leaning into his embrace.

After the group photo, the two of you were approached by the paparazzi, who insisted on taking pictures of just the two of you.

You obliged, striking a pose with Carlos, your smiles radiating with genuine joy and affection. As the camera clicked, freezing the moment in time, you couldn't help but feel grateful for the incredible journey you and Carlos had embarked on together.

Suddenly, you remembered the comments on your relationship being fake crossed your mind. In an impulsive move, you turned to Carlos and whispered, "KIss me."

With that, you leaned in and planted a passionate kiss on his lips, not caring about the prying eyes of the paparazzi.

Carlos, caught off guard by your sudden boldness, responded by deepening the kiss, his lips pressing fervently against yours.

The paparazzi went wild, capturing the genuine love and connection between the two of you, proving once and for all that your relationship was far from fake.

When you were able to separate from each other, you grinned at the paparazzi, reveling in the moment of rebellion and spontaneity. Ignoring the bewildered looks from the crowd, you confidently took Carlos's hand and led him off the stage, eager to escape the prying eyes and enjoy the rest of the night in each other's company.

The paparazzi's cameras continued to flash behind you, capturing the image of two people deeply in love, unafraid to defy expectations and embrace their own happiness.

And that's what you were hoping for.

You two spent the rest of the event, stuck to each other like glue, while effortlessly navigating conversations with important people.

As you mingled and exchanged pleasantries, it became evident to everyone around that your connection was genuine, sincere, and unbreakable. People couldn't help but be drawn to the magnetic energy between you, as you effortlessly charmed and captivated those in your presence.

Carlos made sure to take extra care of you on the drive home, keeping a watchful eye as he navigated the streets.

He gently helped you out of the car when you arrived at your doorstep, ensuring you were safely inside before bidding you goodnight and heading back to his own place.

As you lay in bed, still buzzing with the excitement of the night, you couldn't help but feel incredibly lucky to have someone like Carlos by your side, always looking out for you and making sure you were taken care of.

If only it was all real and genuine. . . .

You woke up with a pounding headache and a foggy memory of the previous night's events. As you tried to piece together what had happened, you received a call from Carlos.

"Hello?" you muttered into the phone sleepily.

"Oh Y/N, were you asleep? I didn't mean to wake up," Carlos' voice came through your phone and you immediately woke up fully.

When you turned on your TV, the camera panned over to Carlos on the phone, and you were surprised to see him there already.

"Carlos! Why are you there already? You should have called me earlier or something?" you groaned at both your headache and the fact that you would have to go to the paddock by yourself instead of with Carlos.

"Cariño, I already told everyone that you were sick but that you were recovering quickly and everyone wished you well." Carlos stated, making you freeze in the middle of trying to get out of bed.

"You what?"

"You don't have to come Cariño, unless you really want to," Carlos really assured you and you could see his worried face on TV.

"Thank you, you saved me big time," you replied, sliding back into your bed with a relieving sigh.

"You're welcome Cariño,"

During the call, you and Carlos briefly chatted before the race was about to begin.

"Put it on video call for a second," Carlos asked quickly and you did it without hesitation, hoping he wouldn't mind your bed hair.

Carlos gave you an air kiss, and you returned one back, a substitute for the good luck kiss you would always give him before switching off the phone.

You couldn't help but smile at the gesture, knowing that Carlos was trying to be considerate in your absence.

"Okay goodbye Cariño, I'll win the race for you."

"Good luck Carlos."

With your spirits lifted, you sat down to watch the race. You watched attentively as Carlos gave it his all, pushing himself to the limits. To your surprise, he managed to secure second place.

As soon as he was able to, he called you. His voice was filled with a mix of joy and frustration.

"Congratulations, Carlos! Second place is still amazing!" you exclaimed with genuine excitement.

However, Carlos's disappointment was evident as he sighed heavily and said, "I know, but I really wanted that first place. I'll keep pushing harder for the next race."

"You did incredible, Carlos! I'm so proud of you," you reassured him. "Second place is a huge achievement, and it shows how much progress you've made. Don't be too hard on yourself. There will always be another race to aim for that first place."

Carlos let out a small chuckle, his voice filled with a mix of gratitude and determination. "Thank you, Cariño. Your support means everything to me. I won't rest until I reach that top spot."

"Well you can rest at my place with your personal massager waiting for you."

"I can't wait Cariño, I'll see you in the evening," He said happily. A smile could be heard from in his voice and you grinned at that.

You didn't know why you decided to invite Carlos over but now the deed was already done.

As you headed into the kitchen, you couldn't help but feel a sense of anticipation. You knew how much Carlos loved your homemade tortillas and croquetas, and you wanted to make this evening extra special for him.

The sound of sizzling oil and the aroma of frying potatoes filled the air as you prepared the ingredients, imagining the look of delight on Carlos's face when he tasted the delicious meal you had prepared for him.

You quickly made your way to the bedroom to pick out an outfit that would make you look presentable for Carlos's arrival. After some consideration, you settled on a stylish yet comfortable ensemble—a fitted black blouse paired with high-waisted jeans and a pair of sleek black ankle boots.

To add a touch of elegance, you adorned your neck with a delicate silver necklace and slipped on a matching bracelet.

With your hair neatly styled and a hint of makeup to enhance your natural beauty, you felt confident and ready to welcome Carlos into your home.

Later in the day, there was a knock on your door. When you opened it, there was Carlos, holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Wow, Cariño, you look absolutely stunning," Carlos said, his eyes widening in admiration.

You blushed, not realizing the effect you had on him. "Thank you, Carlos. That's really sweet of you to say," you replied, genuinely touched by his compliment.

"Wow, these flowers are beautiful, Carlos! Thank you so much," you said, genuinely touched by the gesture.

Carlos smiled warmly, his eyes filled with admiration. "You deserve nothing less," he replied softly.

As you led him inside, you were completely unaware of the way Carlos' gaze lingered on you, captivated by your every move. Little did you know, his fascination with you had only grown stronger over time, and he couldn't help but hope that one day you would see him in the same light.

As you entered the dining room, Carlos's eyes widened with excitement as he saw the table set with all his favorite dishes. The aroma of homemade tortillas and croquetas filled the room, making his mouth water.

The warm glow of the candles and the delicious aroma that filled the air made his heart skip a beat. "Oh wow, you've really outdone yourself," he exclaimed, his face lighting up even more. "I can't believe you remembered all my favorites. This is incredible."

"I had to do something for my favourite driver," you teased, having Carlos pull away the chair for you so you could sit down.

"I must admit, being your favorite driver has its perks," Carlos replied with a playful wink, as he took his seat across from you. "But tonight, I'm here as more than just your driver. I'm here to enjoy this wonderful meal with an even more wonderful company."

Raising his glass, Carlos proposed a toast to celebrate their special evening together. "To us," he said, his voice filled with genuine affection. "May this be the first of many unforgettable nights spent in each other's company."

As you savored each bite of the delicious meal, the conversation flowed effortlessly between you and Carlos. Laughter filled the air as you shared stories, dreams, and aspirations.

The setting and shared moments created a deep connection, and you couldn't help but feel grateful for this enchanting evening together. The hours flew by, and before you knew it, the empty plates and wine glasses were a testament to the delightful feast.

As the night progressed, you offered to give Carlos a well-deserved back massage. He gladly accepted and lay down on your couch, allowing you to work your magic. You applied gentle pressure and kneaded the tension from his muscles, feeling the knots melt away under his touch.

As you continued the massage, Carlos's body relaxed, and his mind became more at ease. The two of you watched the race replay on the television, analyzing every turn, every move, and every decision Carlos made.

It was a bittersweet moment as you both discussed the missed opportunities and what could have been done differently, but it also kind of brought you two closer together.

In that moment, Carlos realized that having someone who not only supported him but also understood his passion was truly invaluable.

"I think I should have attacked more at this turn," Carlos explained to you as he watched intensely at the way he drove on TV.

Suddenly he felt a sudden weight on his back and he peeked behind him to see you.

He couldn't help but smile at the sight of you peacefully slumbering on his back. The warmth of your body against his, coupled with the rhythmic rise and fall of your breath, brought about a sense of tranquility he hadn't felt in a long time.

Carlos gently shifted his position, careful not to disturb your sleep, and decided to stay in that moment a little while longer, relishing in the comfort and contentment of having you by his side.

As he continued watching the race replay, he couldn't help but feel a sense of warmth and contentment, knowing that he had found not only a passionate supporter but also a person with whom he could share quiet, intimate moments like this.

You woke up in your bed for the second time in a row without knowing how you even got there in the first place. Confused, you blinked your eyes open and looked around, trying to piece together how you had ended up in your bed again.

The memories of the enchanting evening with Carlos and the comforting massage flooded back, but the details of how you had transitioned from the couch to your bed remained elusive.

It was as if the night had taken on a dreamlike quality, blurring the lines between reality and imagination. . . .

It was the Spanish Grand Prix, and you had the privilege of attending with Carlos for the first time since you've been together.

As you watched from your seat in Carlos' car how the bustling crowd of racing enthusiasts were, you couldn't help but feel a surge of excitement. The vibrant red sundress you wore perfectly matched Carlos' spirited personality and love of speed.

You made your way to the entrance, the sun kissed your skin, and the adrenaline in the air heightened the anticipation of witnessing the roaring engines and exhilarating race. It was a moment you would never forget, a celebration of your shared passion and the beginning of many more thrilling adventures together.

As you two emerged from the car, his hand immediately touched your hips, guiding you through the paddock to the Ferrari garage.

As you walked through the crowded paddock, you couldn't help but notice the sea of red surrounding you. It seemed like everyone was wearing the team colors to show their support for Carlos and his racing team.

The vibrant red sundress you chose seemed to blend in perfectly with the atmosphere, making you feel like a part of the action. Carlos looked at you with a smile, appreciating the effort you had put into matching with him.

Occasionally, he would stop to sign autographs for his adoring fans. The anticipation surrounding Carlos was immense, as this was his home track and everyone expected a lot from him.

Before heading off to his meeting, you turned to him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Your words were filled with warmth and admiration. You assured him. "I'm proud of you, no matter what happens."

"Thank you Cariño." he said smirking at you.

As you watched Carlos prepare for his race, you realized that this time, you would stay by his side instead of wandering off or meeting up with Lily, as you had often done in the past. This time, you understood that he needed more support before this race even started.

Carlos' home track held a special significance for his performance. Not only did it come with a sense of familiarity and comfort, but it also brought with it the unwavering support of the local fans who had been cheering him on since the beginning.

The energy and encouragement from the crowd fueled his determination to push harder and achieve success in front of his home audience.

You watched as he checked his car with the team, catching him glancing up at you multiple times to see if you were still there. It was clear that your presence meant a lot to him, and you were determined to be his unwavering source of support throughout the race.

As the time approached for the race to start, Carlos took you into a private room. As Carlos pulled you into the private room, a sense of urgency filled the air.

With hungry, heated kisses, his lips passionately explored yours, igniting a fiery desire within you. His strong hands tightly gripped your hips, pulling you closer, as if he couldn't get enough of you.

His actions sent shivers down your spine and intensified your longing for him. In that moment, you realized just how much his presence and touch ignited a deep desire within you, making you crave more of his passionate embrace.

You felt a surge of desire and passion, fueled by Carlos' intense affection. The way he held you, kissed you, and expressed his need for you created an irresistible magnetism between the two of you, intensifying your own desire and emotions.

Then, with a final look, he disappeared, leaving you with a mixture of excitement and anticipation.

Minutes later, the roar of the engines filled the air, signaling the start of the race. Your heart raced as you awaited the outcome.

Carlos immediately shot off the starting line, his car a blur of speed and determination. He skillfully maneuvered through the pack, steadily gaining ground on the leaders. As the race progressed, it became clear that Carlos was in a fierce battle for first place with Max and Lando, exchanging positions and pushing each other to their limits.

The crowd erupted with excitement, their cheers fueling Carlos' determination to seize the coveted top spot. Lap after lap, he showcased his exceptional racing skills, executing daring overtakes and defending his position with unwavering focus.

The tension in the air was palpable as the race entered its final stages, and it became a nail-biting fight to the finish line.

And then, it happened. The crowd erupted in cheers as Carlos crossed the finish line, victorious. His car sped past, his smile radiating joy and triumph.

As soon as he stepped out of the car, his eyes immediately sought you out.

You melted into his embrace, savoring the taste of victory and the warmth of his touch. The crowd roared around you, but in that moment, it was as if you were the only two people in the world. Your hands were cupping his cheeks, feeling the roughness of his stubble against your palms, while his hands rested firmly on your hips, anchoring you to the present.

The electrifying chemistry between the two of you was undeniable, and as you looked into each other's eyes, you knew that this victory was not just his, but yours as well.

In that instant, the world seemed to stand still. All your worries and doubts were forgotten. All that existed was the connection between you two.

In that moment, a surge of overwhelming love and pride washed over you. Thoughts of all the sacrifices and challenges you both had overcome flooded your mind, and you couldn't help but feel an immense sense of gratitude for being a part of Carlos' journey to victory.

"I'm so proud of you!" You said loud enough for him to hear over the chants of his name across the platform.

"Thank you Cariño, thank you for supporting me throughout," Carlos said, unable to think straight with the amount of adrenaline coursing through his body.

As the cheers of the crowd continued to echo in your ears, you leaned in and pressed your lips against Carlos' once more, savoring the taste of victory and the sweetness of his kiss. It was a moment of pure bliss, a celebration of their shared triumph.

Reluctantly, you pulled away, knowing that Carlos had to go to the podium to receive his well-deserved trophy.

With a final lingering glance, you whispered, "Go get that trophy, my champion." And with that, he ran off, leaving you with a heart filled with love and pride. . . .

It was the afterparty for Carlos' home win and everyone decided to go to a large club to celebrate.

As the night unfolded, you emerged from the car in a stunning red cocktail dress that hugged your curves in all the right places. The dress featured a plunging neckline and intricate lace detailing, exuding an air of elegance and sophistication.

The silky fabric cascaded down to your knees, swaying gracefully with every step you took. Your outfit was completed with a pair of sleek stiletto heels and a statement clutch, adding a touch of glamour to your ensemble.

As you entered the club, heads turned and whispers of admiration filled the air. The dimmed lights of the venue illuminated the sequins and beads embellishing your dress, creating a mesmerizing sparkle that mirrored the excitement in the room.

As the night progressed, you found yourself drawn into a conversation with the partners of the Formula One drivers.

"We're so proud of Carlos, we can't believe he did it," Lily said proudly, giving you a tight hug.

"Thank you, I can't believe it too," You replied, smiling happily at the memory of Carlos winning a few hours ago.

"It seemed like you were like his main support," Lily teased and your cheeks heated at her words.

"That's- that's not true." You denied it, "I just gave him an encouraging word here and there. It was mostly him that did all the work."

"That's not what Carlos said in his interview," Alexandra said, nudging your shoulder with hers.

Wanting to be a responsible person, you volunteered to be the sober one among you and Carlos. You wanted to allow Carlos to fully enjoy himself without worries, knowing that you would drive him home at the end of the night.

However, the girls in the group had a different idea. They suggested taking shots to celebrate, and despite your reservations, you decided to join the festivities.

As the night went on, the DJ played infectious music, prompting everyone to get up and dance. You found yourself caught up in the rhythm, joining in with the vibrant atmosphere.

Suddenly the music was lowered and you followed everyone's gaze, and to your surprise, there was Carlos walking into the club, holding his trophy high in the air. The crowd erupted into applause, creating a sea of cheering fans.

He made his way through the crowd, making space for himself to pass through. The crowd cleared out, creating a path for him to be in the center, where everyone could see him.

As he stepped onto the stage, the entire club erupted into applause. The cheering echoed through the air, a testament to his dedication and hard work.

You watched from a distance as Carlos delivered his speech, thanking his fans and everyone who had supported him that day. His words were filled with gratitude and humility, and it was evident that he meant every word.

From where you were standing, you couldn't help but feel a sense of pride in Carlos. He had achieved something extraordinary, and you had the opportunity to witness his moment of triumph firsthand.

Suddenly, your attention was drawn to a man in the crowd. He seemed particularly interested in you, despite it being widely known that you were already in a relationship with Carlos.

"Hello señorita, are you alone here?" The man asked. Some of his words were slurred.

"Umm, I'm not actually, I came with my friends," You said, trying to look for anyone familiar that was close by to help you.

"Well I don't see them so it's only me and you," he muttered amused by you. Everyone was watching Carlos' speech which meant that no one was going to help you.

"I'm in a relationship," you tried to remind him but that got him more angry.

"Lies! Everyone knows that you and him are in a PR relationship." He yelled, smashing his fist on the table he was leaning on.

You jumped at his actions, wishing someone would look and help you but it was never the case. This left you feeling confused and frustrated, unsure of how to handle the situation.

Just as you were contemplating how to respond, you felt a presence by your side.

Just as you were contemplating how to respond, you felt a presence by your side. It was Carlos. He looked concerned for you but angry at the man flirting with you.

Carlos stood protectively beside you, sending a clear message that you were not alone and that he would not tolerate anyone disrespecting you.

He stepped forward, his voice firm as he said, "I think it's time for you to leave."

The man's confident facade faltered, realizing he had crossed a line. He stammered an apology, his words barely audible, before quickly scattering off into the crowd. Carlos, still standing by your side, maintained his protective stance, his eyes never leaving the man's retreating figure.

You felt a wave of relief wash over you, grateful for Carlos' unwavering support in that moment.

Carlos then stood in front of you, holding your hands in his, "Are you okay? Did he do anything to you?" he asked, his voice filled with genuine concern.

You shook your head, thankful that the situation didn't escalate further. "No, I'm okay. He was just being aggressive and disrespectful," you replied, feeling a mix of emotions.

Carlos squeezed your hands reassuringly, his eyes filled with a mix of anger and relief. "I'm glad you're safe. Let's stay together for the rest of the evening, okay? I won't let anything happen to you," he said, his protective nature shining through.

As Carlos guided you through the crowded room, his hands firmly on your waist, you couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort and security. It was as if he was determined to keep you close, not wanting to lose sight of you again.

You leaned into his touch, grateful for his presence and the way he made you feel safe in a world that had seemed so uncertain just moments ago.

Eventually, you found the rest of the group and shared with them what had happened. Concerned for your well-being, they all agreed to stick together for the rest of the night, ensuring that everyone felt safe and protected.

As the evening went on, you felt a sense of unity and support among your friends, and the initial fear and uncertainty began to fade away.

Together, you formed a tight-knit circle, laughing, dancing, and enjoying each other's company, grateful for the strength and solidarity you found in one another.

All the boys decided to let the girls let loose and have a few drinks, taking on the role of guardians for the night.

They made sure the girls were safe, monitoring their alcohol intake and ensuring they were comfortable and protected.

It was a gesture of care and respect, fostering an environment where everyone could have a good time without any worries.

"Babe," you whined, clinging onto your boyfriend so you wouldn't fall to the ground.

Carlos chuckled, his eyes filled with both surprise and amusement at your playful whining. He tightened his grip around you, refusing to let you slip off.

"Oh, so you're trying to escape, huh?" he teased, pulling you closer and planting a gentle kiss on your forehead. "Nice try, but I've got you. I won't let you fall, my love."

"Escape? Who said anything about escaping?" you replied with a mischievous grin, playfully swaying your body to the rhythm of the music.

Carlos raised an eyebrow, a playful challenge gleaming in his eyes. "Well, then show me your best dance moves, and maybe, just maybe, I'll let you off the hook," he teased.

As the romantic melody filled the air, you and Carlos locked eyes, the playful banter fading into a tender moment. With a smile, you surrendered to the music, allowing it to guide your movement.

As the music pulsed through your bodies, you let your inhibitions melt away and decided to be more flirtatious with Carlos. With a mischievous glint in your eyes, you began to sway your hips and grind your waist against him, teasing him with your seductive moves.

Carlos couldn't help but be captivated by your playful and alluring gestures, his eyes locked on yours, as the chemistry between you intensified on the dance floor.

The flirtatious energy in the air was palpable, as you whispered teasing promises in his ear, leaving him craving more of your touch.

"Mi amor, you better stop before you start something I won't stop," Carlos muttered into your ear, a playful warning laced with desire.

You laughed softly, feeling a surge of excitement at his words. "Oh, really? And what if I want to start something you won't stop?" you whispered back, your voice laced with a hint of seduction.

Carlos' eyes darkened with desire, his grip on you tightening ever so slightly. "Then, mi amor, be prepared for a night you won't forget," he replied, his voice low and filled with anticipation

He leaned in and his lips crashed against yours, his kiss lingering for a few moments. You felt your heart flutter and your stomach knot as you melted into him, your body responding to him as if on autopilot.

You felt a wave of warmth wash over you as you gave in to the moment.

The night unfolded in a blur of passion and desire. Your memory of the events that followed became hazy, fragmented, and ultimately, nonexistent.

All you knew was that you had surrendered to the intoxicating connection between you and Carlos, allowing it to sweep you away into a realm where time stood still and only the sensations of pleasure remained. . . .

"Guys, we're going home," Carlos told the others while supporting you, his protective arm wrapped around your waist. As you stumbled slightly, still lost in the haze of passion, you couldn't help but feel grateful for his presence, knowing that he would take care of you every step of the way.

The night air was cool against your flushed skin as you stumbled towards Carlos' car. The events of the night replayed in your mind, a mix of excitement and contentment filling your thoughts.

As you settled into the passenger seat, you glanced at Carlos, a knowing smile passing between you.

As you fell asleep during the drive, Carlos carefully carried you into his house. His touch was gentle and protective. He laid you down on his bed, tucking you in with care before standing back to admire your peaceful form.

The events of the night had left you both physically and emotionally spent, and in that moment, Carlos couldn't help but feel a surge of tenderness towards you.

You woke up in a daze, your surroundings unfamiliar. Blinking away from the remnants of sleep, you realized you were in Carlos' bedroom. The soft morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow on the room.

Your heart skipped a beat as you remembered the events of the previous night and the intense connection you shared with Carlos.

As you tried to move, you were slowly pulled into an embrace from behind you, making you jump slightly. Turning around, you saw Carlos half asleep in the bed, shirtless.

Carlos' dark hair was disheveled and sticking up in all directions, a clear sign that he had just woken up. His usually neat and tidy appearance was now replaced by the unkempt look of someone who had been sleeping soundly.

Despite his sleepy state, Carlos' facial features were still prominent. His strong jawline and high cheekbones gave him a rugged, masculine appearance, while his deep-set eyes and furrowed brow suggested a pensive, thoughtful nature.

As Carlos stretched his arms above his head, the muscles in his upper body rippled beneath his skin. The defined contours of his chest and arms were a testament to his dedication to physical fitness, even as he fought against the lingering drowsiness of his slumber.

His tousled hair and sleepy expression only added to his allure, and you couldn't help but smile at the sight of him, feeling a flutter of warmth in your chest.

His eyes fluttered open, and a sleepy smile formed on his lips as he pulled you closer, whispering, "Good morning, beautiful."

"Did we do it?" You questioned shyly, unable to remember anything after they left the club.

"No, we didn't, you fell asleep before we could do anything," Carlos muttered, fighting against the sleep. "We wouldn't do anything either way, you were drunk."

As you remembered what you were doing in the club, you felt embarrassed and ashamed. The intense connection you shared with Carlos had clouded your judgment, and you realized that you were dangerously close to breaking the rules of the PR contract.

If you didn't stop, you knew that the consequences could be severe, jeopardizing not only your professional reputation but also your relationship with Carlos.

"Carlos, this was only supposed to be temporary, you know?"

"What is?"

"Our relationship."

Carlos then woke up more, resting up against his elbow so he could look at you better. His eyes slowly opened, and a soft frown spread across his face as he gazed at you. He reached out a hand, gently caressing your cheek, his touch warm and comforting.

“You’re talking about the PR contract?”

“Yes, this is what they were worried about, us getting too attached,” you tried to stress your concern but Carlos didn’t look bothered at all.

Carlos fully turned to you, a conflicted look on his face. "I know, I know. But I...I don't think I can just pretend anymore. Not with you."

Your heart raced as he inched closer, his warm brown eyes searching yours. "Carlos, we can't. It'll ruin everything if anyone finds out."

"I don't care," he whispered, cupping your face in his hands. "I'm tired of hiding how I feel about you."

And in that moment, any doubt you had melted away. You pulled him into a passionate kiss, all thoughts of the contract and the façade disappearing. This was real - the feelings you two had developed were undeniable.

His lips met yours with a fervent intensity, the heat between you palpable. All the unspoken emotions you had been harboring came rushing to the surface, igniting a fire within.

The world around you faded away as you lost yourself in his embrace, every touch sending electric shocks through your body.

In that passionate moment, there was no more room for hesitation or uncertainty. This connection you shared was undeniable, transcending any obligations or false pretenses.

It was real, raw, and overwhelming in the most intoxicating way. There was no turning back now - you had given yourself over completely to this man and the feelings you shared.

Whatever happened next, you knew you was in this with Carlos for the long haul. . . .

[golden-cherry]

deal - cl16 (33/?)

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader

Series Summary: Your whole life has gone to shit. Your boyfriend broke up with you, you just lost your job and the Monegasque, who suddenly stands in your doorway, claims that it’s his apartment.

Chapter Summary: The first encounter after.

Warnings: angst, some fluff

Word Count: 3.2k

series masterlist

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A/N: kisses to all of you. I love you so much. feedback is appreciated!

Although Raphael stood outside your front door in the middle of the night the other night, shouting in the hallway and insulting you, tonight was a lot worse. 

You lay awake in bed for hours, tossing and turning and staring at the ceiling in the hope that the explanation for Charles' behavior was written up there. But the only thing you could see was the moonlight shining gently through the window, right on the empty side of the bed. 

It felt wrong to lie here alone and have the whole mattress to yourself. You lay as close to the edge of your side of the bed as you could, trying not to breathe in Charles' scent still clinging to the sheets or feel the chill his absence left behind. In such a short time, you got so used to his closeness that you were so cold without it that you had to pull the comforter up to your chin. 

But none of this helped you fall asleep or think about anything other than the man you would have loved to have next to you, lying just a few meters away from you in the living room. 

You've admitted to yourself that you would do anything for Charles, that you want to be someone for him to hold onto when the ceiling falls in on him, or to push him to be better, even if it costs you your heart. Even though you both emphasized several times that you were just friends - best friends, even - you always carried that little piece of hope with you. And although there had been several moments that dampened the spark, it never fully went out. 

Until last night. 

Charles seems to have clearly drawn the line of friendship, which you had previously only drawn very gently with a pencil, in thick, dark black. 

"All I want from you is your friendship."

There's a huge difference between agreeing to a friendship and being told that it's the only thing you want from someone. Whether you push aside the sexual tension for the sake of friendship to protect it, or deny every possible scenario, every moment that was more than just friendship and act as if nothing ever happened. 

The distance you needed last night to come to terms with your feelings and the final rejection was to buy you time. Time to extinguish the spark of hope inside you and get rid of the ashes before the fire takes you over completely and destroys you. But Charles had taken your escape from bed upon himself. 

You could never feel uncomfortable in his presence. And you had wanted it too. You even wanted more than he gave you at that moment - much more. You would have given him everything without hesitation - you would have given yourself - if he had asked for it. 

You almost feel a little ashamed of how quickly you fell in love with him, especially since you closed yourself off from your feelings for so long and lied to yourself. For seven days, you blocked out the voice inside you that kept shouting hypocrite so that you wouldn't have to admit the truth. And now, when the tears have dried on your cheeks and you can think clearly again, you also know that it would have been smarter if you had listened to that voice.

You love Charles. The Charles who only wants your friendship and has unconsciously broken your heart, which you were supposed to protect.

And you want to keep it that way. You would never let him know what he has unintentionally done to you. Not because you don't want to give him the satisfaction - you're pretty sure he'd feel bad about hurting you like that - but because, firstly, you don't want his pity and, secondly, the truth that you love Charles would ruin your friendship. If Charles knew how you felt about him, he would no longer be able to see you as a friend, just as someone he can't give what they need. 

He shouldn't feel obliged to be friends with you.

You press your face into the pillow. How pathetic to love someone who wants nothing more than friendship from you. Someone who has opened their home to you and you have misinterpreted their every word, every moment and every touch. 

Not even when Raphael cheated on you did you feel as sorry for yourself as you did in this moment. Although your relationship has lasted longer, in none of the countless moments have you felt as strongly for him as you have for Charles for days. And although those few days were emotionally challenging and exhausting, and at times you would have loved to bang Charles' head against the wall or pull him into bed, they were so breathtaking and fantastic that nothing and no one would ever come close to Charles.

You smack your palm against your forehead. The chances that you would die alone increase with every moment that you hope that Charles might eventually return your feelings.

You need to get over these feelings, there's no doubt about it. Since you've both already established that you can't be without each other and it might hurt Charles if you were to end this friendship - "I don't think you realize how important your are to me" - there's no other option but to throw yourself fully into this friendship and erase this boundary you've been walking on. If there is no boundary, there is no beyond. Just friendship, nothing more and nothing less.

Before you can really think about whether the idea is as good as you think it is, you swing your legs over the edge of the bed. According to the time on your cell phone, Charles could already be awake, so you shouldn't wake him as you walk down the hall to the bathroom. Besides, you can't hide in your room forever, so you decide to just get the first encounter over with. Come what may. 

As you pull a sweater, which you make sure is actually your own, over your head, you pause for a moment. Would it be weird if you were face to face? Would you even be able to get a word out? And if so, what would you say?

"I think it's good that we're going back to the beginning, where we didn't share a bed or touch each other. We should leave so much distance between us that outsiders would question whether we're even friends."

Definitely not. 

Of course you need to protect yourself and the distance that's been between you since last night certainly helps you get over your feelings, even if it's strictly speaking the last thing you want. But what you want most of all, what you desire and long for - you can't have that, unfortunately. 

If this friendship was the only thing you could get from Charles, you would gratefully accept it. Having a piece of him is still better than nothing.

You slip into a comfortable pair of sweatpants and fluffy socks before sticking your head out of the room. Although nothing can be heard, you leave the safety of your four walls and almost sprint towards the bathroom, where you brush your teeth and comb your hair. The dark circles you see in the mirror are the result of a sleepless night, so you try to conceal them a little, hoping that Charles won't recognize them and then realize how much his absence has kept you awake and bothered you.

Semi-satisfied, you enter the hallway and trudge towards the kitchen, passing the closed living room door. Apparently Charles is still asleep, which is why you quietly take boards and pans out of the cupboards in the kitchen to conjure up a decent breakfast on the table. Maybe that's your thing - trying to bypass strange conversations with a good breakfast, even if until today breakfast consisted of croissants and pain au chocolat.

As you dice two bell peppers and small tomatoes, you hear the living room door open. You look up from the chopping board in front of you and see Charles standing on the doorstep to the kitchen. 

"Good morning," you smile, hoping your smile looks as genuine as you imagine it does. "Would you like an omelette? The bell pepper and tomatoes are ready." Without waiting for an answer, you open the fridge and take some eggs out of the carton before placing them on the kitchen island next to the peppers. "I wanted to make you a coffee too, but I didn't know when you'd wake up and it would be a shame if it got cold."

Charles' gaze wanders from your face to the food in front of you before he looks at you in confusion. "Uh, yeah. Thanks." He scratches the back of his neck nervously before pointing weakly towards the bathroom. "I'm just going to freshen up. I'll be right back."

"I'm here," you say cheerfully, trying to ignore the fact that his hair is sticking out of his head in a disheveled mess and how ravishing it makes him look. "I'm not going anywhere."

As you hear the bathroom door slam shut, you exhale in relief. So far it's gone better than you expected, even though it's been less than ten sentences and you can't interpret Charles' confusion. Did he expect you to stay sadly holed up in your room and not dare to leave? Or was he confused because you were preparing breakfast for him?

Lost in thought, you fry his omelette in the hot pan and make coffee, which you place in a large cup on the counter in front of you. You serve the finished omelette on a plate as Charles returns to the kitchen. He hesitantly sits down opposite you and examines the meal in front of him. 

"Everything all right?" you ask him with a raised eyebrow, supporting yourself with your hands on the worktop. "Does it look that awful? I know I'm not a five-star chef, but I don't think it looks that bad."

Charles opens his eyes and shakes his head. "No, no! Everything's fine. It looks great." He picks up his knife and fork and smiles at you. "Thank you. I wasn't expecting that."

You wave it off before turning around and washing your hands in the sink. After all the thoughts you've had this morning, you've lost your appetite. "No problem. We live together and friends cook for each other." You know that's not what he meant, but you don't want to talk about last night. About his touch, his thigh between your legs, the look on his face when he told you he was going to sleep on the couch.

Charles clears his throat, but doesn't respond either. "How did you sleep?" he asks instead, before shoving a piece of egg into his mouth. 

You turn back to him. "Just fine," you lie, hoping that the concealer under your eyes is doing its job. "I was a bit cold, but I was fine. And you? How was the couch?"

Your roommate shrugs. "Definitely more comfortable than the one in the other apartment." He takes a sip of coffee. "But I'll still be glad when my bed arrives soon. I got an email saying it should be delivered in the next few days."

You look at him in confusion. " On Christmas?"

Charles shakes his head. "After Christmas. I think it's the day Lando invited you and me to party."

He doesn't even say it. The us. The idea that there could be more between you than friendship seems that absurd to him. You try not to let on how much this is affecting you. 

"Okay." You chew the inside of your cheek. "If you want to go partying with Lando, I can stay here if the bed hasn't been delivered yet," you offer. "Then you can have a nice evening."

Charles raises an eyebrow. "Why would you stay here when it's my bed?"

Maybe because you don't want to see Charles flirting with other women? Or even going home with them?

You shrug your shoulders. "I don't know how much you want to stay here and sit around waiting when you could go out partying with your friends. After all, you said yes to him."

Charles places his cutlery on the plate in front of him a little more firmly than necessary. "What's that supposed to mean? Don't you want to go out at all?"

"I didn't say that." You cross your arms in front of your chest. "I just offered. Because friends do each other favors." Because friends help each other.

"Then why do you want to stay here so badly?" he asks, annoyed. "Don't you want to spend the evening with us? Or rather, with me?" There is an angry glint in his eyes.

"I didn't say that!" you defend yourself. 

Charles gets up from his chair and circles the kitchen island before standing directly in front of you. "Why are you distancing yourself from me like that? Am I so awful that you don't even want to spend the evening with me anymore?"

Quite the opposite. You would love to cling to him and never let him go again. But the thought of seeing him with another woman makes you feel sick. But you can't tell him that, so you stare at him silently. You can feel tears stinging your eyes. 

"I'm sorry that you feel uncomfortable and I'll do everything I can to make sure this friendship doesn't go down the drain," he sighs softly. "If it means never touching you again, then that's what I'll do. If you want to go back to the beginning, then that's what I'll do. But please -" His voice is more of a plea than a request. "Please don't shut me out of your life. It may sound selfish of me, but I can't - please stay with me."

The angry glint in his eyes has gone out, instead you see tears flash and all you want to do is wrap your arms around him and hold him so tightly to you until neither of you can breathe and you would die a happy death because it would be in his arms. 

But you have to protect yourself, your heart, which is why you only smile slightly at him. "I told you." Your muscles ache, you have to restrain yourself so much from touching him and showing him that you're exactly where you want to be. "I'm not going anywhere." 

Charles breathes a sigh of relief and turns away briefly so you can't see him wipe the tears from the corners of his eyes before turning back to you. "All right then." He stands up straight in front of you and tries to play the tough guy, but his shaky voice betrays him. 

You look uncertainly at the plate still on the worktop. "Besides, I don't want to miss your mother's Christmas dinner. I think she'd haunt me and decapitate me if I didn't show up."

Charles laughs. "I'm afraid so, too."

You stand facing each other in silence for a moment until something occurs to you. "You said to your mother yesterday that we had a lot to do today. Was that serious or just a white lie so we could get home quicker?"

Charles bites his lower lip for a moment before reaching for his cell phone, which is lying next to the plate on the worktop. He presses the button on the side twice before sliding his finger across the screen. After a minute, he looks at you. "I meant that for real. I thought maybe you and I could do something today so you wouldn't lose your photography skills."

You give him a mock scowl, but can't help smiling. "And that would be?" He holds out his phone to you with the weather app open. The weather forecast for today is unusually good, almost twenty degrees. You look at him, confused. "Okay? And what does that mean?"

Charles puts his phone in the pocket of his black jogging bottoms. "I thought maybe you and I could go out on the boat. My fans haven't received any new pictures of me for a few days. Maybe you'd like to take some of me?" he suggests. 

You look at him, puzzled. "You really want me to take photos for your Instagram account? Your official Instagram account?" you ask skeptically. When he nods, you tilt your head. "What happened to 'I'm trying to protect you'? Have you thrown your principles overboard now?" 

"Was that pun intentional?"

"Maybe."

He rolls his eyes. "Listen. Kika has already tagged you in her pictures, so I think it would be fine if you took some of mine too. I don't necessarily have to tag you in them and push my luck. But you're good at what you do and Joris doesn't have time for me at the moment to take professional photos with me. And on the way to the harbor, I'll keep a low profile so that no one else sees you and me."

You purse your lips. "So I'm just your second choice, hm?"

He comes a little closer to you, but doesn't touch you. "You're always my first choice." His breath brushes over your face. "So, what do you say? Spend the day with me on a nice boat?"

"Depends," you reply, raising an eyebrow. "What's in it for me if I can't get any publicity from you?"

Charles has to grin. "There's a chef on the boat who will prepare anything you want."

You pretend to think for a moment before shaking your head. "Not good enough for me."

"There's a great bar where you can get drunk," he continues to offer, but again you wave his offer away. 

"Nope."

Charles takes a deep breath before running a hand through his hair and then leaning so elegantly against the kitchen island and leaning towards you that your heart skips a beat. "I'll let you steer the boat." As your grin widens and almost reaches your ears, it's obvious he's got you hooked. "So, would you like to spend the day on a boat with me, mon amo - ami?" he quickly corrects himself. 

You heard him anyway. And inside you wonder whether he calls all his female friends that. Maybe it's a habit he has that he's trying to break just for you. So that you don't feel uncomfortable, even though it triggers the complete opposite in you, which you try to ignore.

"As long as I'm allowed to steer the boat," you reply.

Charles' hand, which is hanging at his side, twitches briefly, as if he's trying hard not to lift it up and place it against your cheek.

"Deal."

[easy-there-leftovers]

A Question Unasked

Written with season 1 Spencer in mind

Summary: In which your ambitious, workaholic nature makes Spencer wonder if you've got a crush on Hotch. This slight hitch in his plan causes him to miss a few signs.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem! (mentored by Hotch!) reader | cw: slight spoilers for s1e04, allusion to inappropriate workplace dynamics (it's not true, relax lol), slight description of canon-typical violence, mildly inaccurate timeframe | word count: 4k

Spencer looks up from his endless stacks of files on his desk to look at the girl on the other side of his desk. Only a single carpeted walkway really separating them.

He could easily just get up and walk right to her. Ask the burning question that's been on his mind since the Arizona case, but he can't.

Why is that?

He's been your friend for a while, and he's known you for a while longer.

With his eidetic memory, he remembers so clearly when you first started working together. He remembers your starched blazer and pressed blouse, a stark contrast to his swimming-in-sweaters look, and how that alone let anyone know that you were serious about uniform and protocol.

You were, without a shadow of a doubt, one of the prettiest girls he had ever seen, and a fresh graduate just like him.

You were smart, beautiful, and started working at the BAU as early as he did.

And because you were new and young, one of the senior agents had been assigned to supervise your progress. So much like how he was mentored by Gideon, you had been mentored by the unit chief himself; Aaron Hotchner.

He'd like to think that he learned a lot from Gideon. He wasn't the type to hold his hand throughout a case, which he is thankful for, but he had been there to encourage him to think more outside the box. To let his mind be more flexible and creative. To see things from every conceivable angle. Leaving no stone unturned.

He supposed you learned a lot from Hotch as well. With your calm exterior, polite demeanor, and calculating mind that occasionally colored your less polite vocabulary-- He didn't know what Aaron must've been like in his junior years, but he supposed that having you as his colleague was essentially the same experience.

What he does know, however, is how close you are to your boss. Or is it your work?

Either way, you being glued to your work almost always meant that you were glued to him by proxy. You two being the first ones in and the last ones out showed that you spent three-percent more of your time with each other than the rest of the team, and two-percent more than with him.

Granted that had changed as of late, but still!

That didn't leave him a lot of time to ask you if---

"Dr. Reid, if you keep staring at me, I don't think you'll be able to finish your action reports on time." You had said without lifting your eyes from your folder.

Having been caught, he cleared his throat with a small 'sorry,' and directed his head back down to his still endless stack of files. The action earning a couple of chuckles from the bullpen where the rest of your colleagues had certainly seen, or at least heard, the exchange.

Not long after however, he saw Hotch from the corner of his eye lean over the railing outside his office. Calling for you both to meet him inside with his usual stern expression.

Spencer noticed how you got up, eyes still zeroed in on one of your files, and continued on your way up and into the unit chief's open door.

A clear sign that you had been invited there often enough that you didn't need to see where you were going.

You expected it.

He sighs and makes his way into the office as well. Dreading what the meeting could even be for, though he's confident he hasn't done anything wrong.

***

"As you might have noticed in our previous cases, I've paired you two to work on the more analytical aspects of it together. With these changes, we've been able to work twice as fast, and we’re thankful for the help."

Whatever Spencer had been expecting, it was not this. His raised eyebrows evidently agreed with him.

It wasn't everyday that Hotch complimented someone like this, much less in the proper environment. And if your respectful posture, but shining eyes in slight pride were anything to go off of, this was something new for you too.

As he was about to voice his thoughts, you had spoken up.

"Sir, Dr. Reid's knowledge in a wide array of subjects has certainly helped with our investigations. Though I'm afraid I haven't done much aside from ensuring it's accuracy and-"

"No! I mean--," He looked to see you already looking at him in slight confusion before continuing.

"She's been a huge help so far and has allowed me to exchange ideas with her to build a more accurate profile. Not to mention that her ability to mediate between departments has been beneficial to gaining access to pertinent information! So I think she's done plenty for the investigations as well." His voice dwindles as he realizes he's rambling on praises and he suddenly feels warm under the scrutiny of both his boss and his colleague.

He just didn't want anyone thinking you weren't doing anything by being humble. Especially since you're both so young.

Thankfully, it's Hotch who speaks up again after a beat.

"So what I'm hearing is that you're both satisfied with this arrangement?"

You both nod carefully and he smiles a small smile at that.

"Then we'll be carrying on with this pairing into the foreseeable future. Should there be any concerns about this arrangement, see to it that it goes through me. We can't afford to lose either of you." He says it with a finality that prompts both Spencer and you to leave with a nod, but the thought is instantly corrected when he speaks again.

"Oh and agent?" He looks only at you, but Spencer looks back as well out of instinct. "A private word, if you please."

Spencer sees you nod without a second thought and he takes it as his cue to hurriedly leave.

***

It hasn't been that long, Spencer argues with himself, since he left the unit chief's office. The blinds aren't drawn, he would know since he'd been looking at them periodically, so he also knows that nothing untoward is happening.

Yet something is bothering him about it.

From his position on his desk, he can see you and Hotch discussing something on his table very seriously, but he also sees how your eyes rarely leave the face of your superior. He can't quite see your expression due to the distance and the light, but he has this sinking feeling that it's a lot like the one from earlier.

He scoffs at the thought. If he wasn't thinking so rationally, he would've thought-

"Does she like Hotch?"

"Who likes Hotch?"

The new voice makes him whip his head back so fast to see Morgan with a confused face. Upon further examination, he sees him holding something that was definitely supposed to be flicked at him if he hadn't been caught so off guard.

He internally debates to voice his opinion, but he does anyway.

"Do you think that she likes Hotch?" He gestures with his eyes to their supervisor's office.

"You're asking me if I think 'little miss perfect' has a crush on a man that's hitched?" Derek echoes back with the use of your nickname. One that he coined as a playful jab at your no-frills behavior.

Spencer cringes when he hears it back though. He didn't ask this to get you in trouble, but it might come across that way now.

"Who has a crush on married man?" Elle joins in, and he only shrinks into his seat more.

"I'm not asking if she has a crush on him! I just want to know if she might like him and--what it is that she likes about him..."

The two exchange looks before looking back at him. Fully knowing that that's not the reason why he's asking, but they humor him anyway.

"Reid, what makes you think she likes him and not literally anyone else?"

"Well. there's her preference for prolonged eye-contact, a common indicator of interest for one. Her being in constant proximity to him, a sign that shows comfort in certain contexts, and then there's the amount of time they spend together."

The last one might be a bit of a reach, considering how you all work in the same area, but at this point he just wanted someone to tell him that he was either absolutely right, or crazy.

"Kid, that's crazy."

Duly noted.

"I'll say.” Elle chuckles out her response. “I haven't thought about it all, but those signs don't really mean anything. It just sounds like she has a habit of looking at whoever's talking to her." She notes, sharing her experience of being on the receiving end of your rather intense gaze.

His other friend adds onto that.

"And the whole closeness thing? You've seen her, she's like a computer with the way she works. She's a workaholic. And Hotch is another. It's just math, Reid."

Spencer furrows his eyes at the man's statement but before he can ask further, he sees you coming out of office and staring at the small crowd that has now formed at his desk.

"Is something going on here?" You ask with tense brows. Eyes flickering to and fro.

He couldn't really think of something on the spot, but thankfully Derek had one at the ready. "Was just caught trying add my stack on to pretty boy's plate."

He sees you let out a small 'hm,' and you eventually turn your back to them to reach your desk.

He sighs in relief as he feels a firm pat on his back from Morgan.

"Next time, try looking at what she does when you're the one talking." He says before leaving to go to his own desk as well.

Spencer doesn't know what good that would do, especially now that he's worried one of his colleagues have caught wind of him liking you, but he at least takes note of it.

--------

He does not, in fact, take note of it until very later.

The team had been called to San Diego to deal with someone they had been calling, "The Tommy Killer." An unsub that had a preference for gluing his victims' eyes open.

As they were reviewing the scene in the jet, they had noticed a few stanzas of a literary work had been left behind at the scene.

"It's a ballad from the late 1600s. A Dialogue Betwixt Death and a Lady." Spencer had mentioned from where he stood.

"A 17th Century ballad?" Morgan had asked him incredulously from his seat, but it’s you who answers.

"One where a woman tries to bribe Death with all that she has in exchange for a little more time to live. Naturally, he doesn't allow it. Claiming that she was undeserving of an exception that even kings were denied of."

Spencer looks up from his own copy to see you still looking at your own from beside Hotch. With your browns furrowing in thought, he almost sees the actual gears in your brain turning.

"So what, are we looking at a literature professor of some kind?" Elle asks which immediately perks him right up.

"Well, actually anyone with access to the internet today. You should see what comes up when you type in the word, "Death" into a search engine." He laughed absentmindedly.

"Reid, no wonder you can't get a date."

Morgan's words made him frown, but he brushes it off.

Hotch, as previously discussed, then called on for the both of you to look deeper into the messages. To see if there was anything new that could be inferred.

He nods at him, and looks up. Expecting you to still be looking at Hotch as well.

Instead, your eyes meet his, but you quickly look back onto your file.

Reid thinks it's just a coincidence.

***

"Creepy, huh?" JJ had asked you two as she approached where transcripts of the written messages were tacked onto a board.

Spencer had been focusing so hard that he was caught off gaurd by her sudden appearance. Fully expecting the area to just be for you and him so he told her what first came to mind.

"Actually, conversations between Death and his victims was a fairly popular literary and artistic theme throughout the Renaissance."

Though perhaps the delivery wasn't as as good as he thought it was as JJ only stared back at him with an unreadable expression.

He thought it was interesting, really, but he supposed his slight stutter and breathy laugh at the end must have distracted her from his point.

He turned to look at you for help, but you too had been focusing on the messages and wouldn't be available to do that. So he just agreed with JJ’s sentiment, which seemed to be enough for her to leave.

He sighed out in relief.

"The lady never answers. Have you noticed it yet, Dr. Reid?" You turn to him as you ask.

He immediately refocuses on to the case and tries his best to reply after his prior blunder. "Oh uh-- Right, the dialogue in the ballad seems to be fractured. Well, it's more of a monologue than a dialogue seeing that there is no exchange of information."

A small smile graces your lips at that, and you gesture with a nod to go report your findings.

"So it is. Let's get going."

He follows you to where Hotch and Elle were discussing the sexual aspect of the crime and sees you take your place next to your mentor. The same position you were in when he was blowing out his birthday candles, as he also inserts himself into the discussion.

"Sir, we believe what the unsub has written at the scenes are most of the first three verses of the same ballad." You deliver, prompting your mentor to raise his brow at that.

"Most of?"

"Yeah, it's only one side of the conversation." Spencer adds. "There's no betwixt." He takes pride in your shared effort, which makes itself known by the smile that adorns his face.

Unfortunately, his satisfaction, isn't met with a positive reaction either as he sees Elle desperately trying not to make eye-contact, and your supervisor staring at him very pointedly.

He's thankful though at the little chuckle that you quickly try to hide behind a cough and a cover of your mouth to appear more professional. Quickly looking down at the ground.

He's happy that at least someone thought his joke was well-placed.

He continues to explain your theory about how the Lady in the narrative never answers, and that's enough for both Hotch and Elle to at least think about it.

Their attention is quickly stolen away however at an incoming call about a failed attempt nearby the precinct.

Quickly excusing themselves to get onto the scene as soon as possible, you see them call Gideon on their way out. Watching them as they leave the department doors.

But Spencer keeps his eyes on you as the thought just dawns on him.

You were the first one on the team to laugh at his jokes.

***

The more cases he works for the BAU, the more he realizes how much of his work isn't theoretical anymore. He feels it in the weariness in his eyes, the weight on his chest, and the shake of his hands.

Or maybe the shake is from the cold.

After all, he had dressed for the warm, California air. So now that he was in the cool, air-conditioned jet, he was seriously regretting not packing a sweater, at the very least.

He makes his way to the back of the aircraft after another successful investigation, and that's where sees you.

You had opted to shed your typically structured blazer on the seat beside you, leaving you in a softer blouse, both in color and form, that made everyone around you know that you were officially off duty.

It's a nice look on you, he thinks. A slight departure from your usually stern and hardened exterior. He wouldn't mind seeing a more relaxed version of you every once in a while.

A version of you that looked more your age and not constantly under the pressure of doing well.

He momentarily wonders if that's part of your mentor's influence as well.

He freezes a bit, as if catching himself in some depraved daydream, and takes a few steps back to return to the more vacant areas of the craft.

Before he can get any further though, you see him and beckon for him to come over with a tired wave of your hand.

"How's the flight treating you, Dr. Reid?" You ask, drowsiness lacing your tone as he sits on the seat opposite of you.

"Oh, it's the same as always, I guess. A little colder than usual, but that's to be expected. By the way, we’re actually lucky that we haven't experienced some semblance of turbulence yet on our flights, considering that the likelihood of it has increased by seventeen-percent in the last decade."

You laugh at that. "You really know just what to say, huh?"

He doesn't see it as funny as you do, so it seems. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you or--" "There's no need to apologize, sir. I find everything you have to say interesting, whether you mean it to or not."

He stays silent at that, suddenly nervous, and tries to make himself comfortable. He does so in the hopes that he can finally steel himself you ask you that question.

He talked to Elle earlier when they were waiting for the unsub's call. Asked her if she thought it was weird that he knew what he knew, and if it had anything to do with his inability to get a date. She had reasoned with him that it was because he didn't ask, but it couldn't be that simple, could it?

He mulls it over in his head before sighing. Opting to give up and just wait for a more opportune time.

Besides, jury’s still out that you could very well be pining over his boss.

The action, however, seems to remind you of something.

"Before I forget," You look into your baggage, rummaging around before finally finding what it was you were looking for.

You ask him to close his eyes, which he obediently does, and you place a thick rectangular box into his awaiting lap.

The sudden shift in weight causes his eyes to open, and he is certainly surprised to see what was on there.

"What is this?"

"It's your birthday. There wasn't a good time to give it to you, so might as well."

He takes the box into his hands and shakes it a little.

From the sound alone, or near lack thereof, there could be a multitude of things inside it. He looks at you questioningly and you only smile and gesture for him to open it.

He takes his time in doing so, and he doesn't know how or why, but he finds your reactions to his movement much more amusing than whatever could be in the box. As if you were more excited for him.

He finally peers into the now open box to see some sort of purple cloth. A ribbon of geometric designs cutting through its middle and he stares at it in wonder.

"It's a scarf!"

You smile at him, and are thankful that the rest of the team were either asleep or just not paying attention as it allowed the both of you to savor the moment with at least some semblance of privacy.

"I've noticed that you had a tendency to wear a lot of layers. I wasn't sure if it was because you were cold, or you just liked dressing that way, so I made an educated guess and got you something practical."

And just like that, he's over the moon.

He immediately goes to put it on with a wide smile, paying no mind that it paired so badly with the short sleeves of his button up.

Not that he would know, nor care.

And just when he had been feeling cold earlier too! "Thank you so much. This means a lot to me, especially since you don't usually give gifts."

You shake your head. "I don't, but it's not everyday one spends their twenty-fourth at the BAU."

He continues to observe the cloth that now hung around him. Smoothing his hands over it as he does with an expression unreadable to you.

You worry a bit and hurriedly mention, "I'm sorry if it isn't your color. I see purple show up on your mismatched socks more than any other color, so I just assumed. If it's any consolation, purple is a great color to contrast the warmer hues in brown eyes?"

He flushes at your admission, but matches your urgency to set you straight. "No! Please, I actually really like it. It's beautiful."

You breathe out a sigh in relief and nod slowly at that.

"Speaking of the color, did you know the origin of purple dye is actually quite fascinating?" His voice filled with enthusiasm. With his eyes, bright, and filled with a child-like fascination that makes your chest feel warm at the sight.

"Historically, purple dye was incredibly rare and valuable, which is why it became associated with royalty and nobility. The earliest known purple dye, known as Tyrian purple, was produced by the ancient Phoenicians around 1200 BC. It was derived from the secretions of a particular type of sea snail, the bolinus brandaris, found in the Mediterranean Sea."

He paused for a moment, wondering if he was boring you, but sees that you're still very much paying attention to him.

"The process to obtain this dye was incredibly labor-intensive and complex. It required thousands of these sea snails to produce just a small amount of dye. The snails would then be collected and left to decompose in large vats. After several days, a gland from the snail was extracted and crushed to produce a purple mucus. This mucus would then be exposed to sunlight, undergoing a chemical reaction that transformed it into the deep, rich purple dye we commonly associate with our modern day equivalent."

As he kept going, he suddenly remembered what Morgan had told him all those weeks ago.

"Next time, try looking at what she does when you're the one talking."

So he does just that.

He observes the way that your shoulders are more relaxed, how your eyes never stray from him, and how the small upturned curve of your lip makes itself known as you rest your cheek onto your propped up fist.

How he has your undivided attention and yet you don't even look the least bit bored of what he has to say. Only silently appreciating and subtly nodding along with the slow blink of your eyelids.

All clear signs of unguarded comfort, and or interest, in his presence.

Had you really been looking at him like that all this time?

Now the idea of you liking your boss seems silly. Especially when you’re looking at him the way he imagines himself looking at you.

"I did know that, actually, Dr. Reid. At the time, Tyrian purple wasn't only desirable for its rarity, people said it was also incredibly lightfast. That it was resistant to fading under the sun and the weather. Not to mention all that hard work that just to get a single gram of it. Then again, modern studies do claim that its lightfastness was, in fact, not an accurate feature as it's color diminished when it was exposed to light and UV radiation."

You laughed a little again, as if remembering some anecdote, and that sound was steadily becoming one of his favorite sounds. Following only after your speaking voice.

"Fortunately for you, doctor, I could only afford a synthetically purple-dyed scarf. Though that means that you won't ever have to worry about it fading under the sun."

Hands up in faux surrender, you give him a tired smile that he returns with one of his own.

A calming silence enveloped the both of you as you continue to bask in each other's presence.

At some point you doze off, draping your blazer on top of yourself to shield yourself from the cold, and that's when he starts considering Elle's words again.

"Do you ever ask anyone out?"

"No,"

"That's why you can't get a date."

He nods to himself, and reclines a little more into his seat. Snuggling into his new scarf that still has the faintest smell of you.

Maybe he will ask you another that date later.

[woso-dreamzzz]

Second Time's The Charm IV

Alexia Putellas x Reader

Summary: Alexia gets her puppies

His name was Kitchen Sink Putellas, though everyone just called him Sinky.

His name came about by accident just like him.

Alexia would say that it was fate. You could swear she had set you up for it.

It had happened on one of your night walks.

Maya was a bit of a restless baby so you had found that going out for a little walk in the early evening was good to get her to fall asleep without too many tears.

You were pushing her pram gently as Alexia chattered your ear off about getting a puppy. With the house fully completed and all three of you moved in, Alexia was adamant about getting Maya a puppy.

She seemed to forget that you already had a family pet in the form of old Mr Stinky, the extremely senior cat that you had gotten at seventeen from your parents.

At thirteen years old now, he was very slow and slept a lot but he was your little furbaby and you just adored him.

Alexia, less so but she had always been a dog person, which was why you weren't surprised when you saw she had adopted little Nala.

Even through social media, you could see just how much she adored Nala and just how heartbroken she was when Nala unexpectedly passed away.

You could still see the pain lingering in her eyes now when she spoke about getting a puppy for Maya.

Alexia had adored Nala and hadn't thrown a single thing away, still packed up in a box she thought she had hidden in the back of the closet.

You got into a relationship with Alexia knowing she was a dog person and, while she secretly loved Mr Stinky, you knew no animal would come close to being loved like how a dog would be loved.

You had already been convinced weeks ago but you weren't letting Alexia know that. You were curious to see just how far she was willing to go.

You were focused completely on Maya's sleepy face as Alexia spoke. You hadn't even noticed she stopped talking until you turned to look at her.

She was crouched on the ground, her hand offered out to a little puppy on the side of the road.

"Hi, little guy," She cooed," It's okay. I'm here to help."

The little puppy whined, taking a step forward before retreating again when Alexia reached for him.

"It's okay," She said again," Come here. Let's get you some help."

He was a tiny thing. Absolutely tiny and he shook in Alexia's arms when she finally managed to pick him up.

You reached into Maya's baby bag to pull out a spare blanket, helping Alexia to wrap him up nice and warm.

"We need to take him home, amor," Alexia said, suddenly deadly serious," I can't see his Mama anywhere. He is alone."

You glanced around the area, brows furrowed.

Alexia took that as refusal and she looked ready to get on her knees. "Amor, please! You cannot think we should leave him here!"

"Take the puppy and Maya home, Alexia," You said, whipping out your phone," He doesn't look old enough to be weaned. I'll try and find him some food. I'll meet you back at the house."

You watched Alexia gently place the blanket wrapped puppy in Maya's pram with her before sprinting down the street with the speed only a professional athlete could possess.

It was late out but you paid extra for puppy milk and wet food to be delivered in a few hours. It was a flimsy excuse to make but you just couldn't shake the thought that this puppy wasn't completely alone.

It wasn't a rural area that you lived in but there was a park that backed into a little wooded area and surely you would have noticed if the puppy had been dumped in a box.

You flicked on your phone light to wander through the park. You checked everywhere you could before you came across a little bush.

The soft barks were enough to confirm your suspicions and your heart broke at the sight.

She was panting heavily, lying on her side as a throng of puppies drank from her. A heavy stick of wood was planted firmly in the ground and a piece of rope was fixed like a noose around her neck.

She wasn't aggressive as you released her. If anything, she sagged in relief and allowed you to gently stroke her fure.

She was some kind of collie though in the low light, you couldn't quite tell what kind.

You'd had a rough collie as a child. Good old Mr Porkchop who had been put down when you were eleven.

He had always been well looked after though, the pride of your father's life. This collie was nothing like Mr Porkchop though and you dialled Alba instantly.

"Alba? Can you come to the park near our house? I'm going to need your help."

Alexia was desperately working at the kitchen sink when you came in. Her sleeves were pushed up to her shoulders as she desperately scrubbed at the little puppy, trying to get him all warm.

A ring of soap was around his neck.

Clearly, she had listened to your lecture a few weeks ago about how it prevented fleas from climbing onto the heads of animals.

"Amor!" She called out behind her after hearing the front door open," I'm just getting him washed! I put him up on the counter while I changed Maya into her pjs but he fell in! I think he's chosen his name!"

"Alexia?"

"I know it will be a lot of work," She continued," But I promise I will take great care of him. We can set him up next to one of the portable heaters tonight and I've got the day off tomorrow so I'll take him to the vet and-"

"Alexia."

"I know you said Maya is still young and I know you think keeping a puppy this little is dangerous but-"

"Alexia Putellas!"

She turned. "What is-?"

"I found his Mama and siblings," You said plainly, leading the mama in gently as Alba trailed behind you with the other puppies," I've ordered food already and we'll have to take them in to the vet tomorrow."

"Amor..."

"Now." You gently guided the mama to a pile of pillows as Alba reunited her puppies with her. "What's this about his name?"

The puppies and mama were all healthy or, at least on their way to being healthy. The mama had no collar and no microchip. The vet theorised she was part of some puppy mill because she was barely out of puppyhood herself.

You knew by Alexia's face that you would be keeping them all. The Mama, Sinky and his extra three sisters.

You were nervous about it all but Alexia really took the reigns, a far cry from the thirteen-year-old version of her that once cried when you made her leave a cute dog being walked by its owner at the park.

Maya adored the puppies as well and seemed to know to be gentle. Even Mr Stinky seemed to enjoy their presence, taking shifts when the mama was sleeping to make sure that none of the puppies got into mischief.

Mainly, you were impressed about how long it took Alexia to spill about having puppies in the house.

Four weeks since you found them and you finally allowed Alexia to take them into training.

"I'll be out with the others soon," Alexia promised as she wrapped Sinky up in a blanket.

"Ale," You said," He doesn't need the blanket anymore. He's a big boy."

"He's a baby!" Alexia insisted, wrapping him up like a baby in a swaddle.

You rolled your eyes. "Go and bring out your teammates, Ale."

She practically skipped into the locker room with her little bundle of blankets.

Mapi was the first one she noticed and paled dramatically. "No!" She declared," No, you can't be serious, Alexia! You've already got one baby! You can't have gotten another one so soon!"

"Don't be silly, Mapi!" Alexia laughed," We didn't get another baby. Now yet anyway."

"Then what is that?!"

"Sinky!"

Sinky barked happily as he was uncovered by the blankets.

Ingrid rubbed Mapi's back as she hid in her girlfriend's neck.

"Sinky?" Keira echoed," Like Sinclair from Canada?"

"Don't be silly," Alexia said," Because it's short for Kitchen Sink, which is his name."

Mapi might have burst into tears.

"But there's more!" Alexia continued," Come on, come on! I'll show you!"

She sprinted out of the room and her teammates scrambled to keep up with her.

She'd traded in her old Cupra a few weeks ago for a much more family friendly minivan and she pulled open the door.

The first and most obvious thing everyone saw was Maya, happily in her seat waving one of her stuffed toys to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star which was playing in the car.

The next was the beautiful brown and white Border Collie, Lady. You had laughed a little bit about the name Alexia had bestowed upon her, making a joke about her enjoying naming dogs after Disney characters.

Sweet Lady sat in the seat next to Maya, laying her soft head on your baby's legs.

Her three remaining puppies wrestled in the stair well and all came falling out as soon as the door was open.

"Oh no," You heart Mapi say.

Alexia smiled triumphantly. "Oh yes!"

[tayytayy12]

I lost you, but I found me | CL16 x Reader, reader x ex!CS55

Part one

Summary - After your break up with Carlos someone helps you find yourself again.

Warnings - Pregnancy, swearing, divorce, toxic ex

Requested - yes

Type - Written

Notes - If you wanted reader to end up with Carlos I’m sorry, just following the request, and this hasn’t been proofread

The next month after that late night was tough, probably the toughest few weeks you would ever experience. You had moved out of yours and Carlos’ shared home with the help of your mother and sister and got your own apartment not far from their home, so you and your baby could be close to your family.

You hadn’t heard from Carlos at all since you had told him of your pregnancy, all you got was a letter in the post, divorce papers, of which he had already signed his name.

It didn’t hurt as much as you though it would as you scribbled your own on the dotted line parallel to his, you didn’t want to admit it but your relationship had been over far before that moment, you just had failed to release it before.

You had the support of your family and friends as you went further along in your pregnancy, they was all there for you, now being three months along your bump growing more and more by the day, you knew that you was going to be okay.

You hadn’t announced your pregnancy or even your divorce, Carlos had already been seen with a new girlfriend parading around the paddock, so you knew that the fans knew of your separation, but they still didn’t know of the baby growing inside of you.

It was summer break of the formula one season, which meant your home or Monaco was about to be flooded with drivers returning home from their busy schedules to spend some time at home, all of them you would try your very best to avoid, for obvious reasons.

Things don’t always go as planned though. Which is how you ended up in your current situation, having a late night walk along the deserted streets, like you had begun doing more often in the past months. It helped you clear your head. And it was working to do so, well, until you heard your name being yelled from behind you.

“Y/n!” You quickly spun around when you heard that familiar voice. You would recognise it anywhere, you knew Charles’ voice, he was one of your closest friends before everything unfolded. The man was quick to flash a smile and jog up to stand in front of you, “I thought it was you.” He said with a grin and he embraced you in a hug that you of course returned.

“Hey Charlie,” you said, using your old nickname for the man as you pulled away, “how’ve you been?”

He smiled as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder, continuing both of your walks as you spoke, “I’ve been good, missing my favourite Ferrari fan in the paddock though.” He said as he quickly glanced down at you, he wasn’t going to bring up your husband, he wasn’t an idiot.

You smiled at the ground sadly as you chuckled, “Yeah, sorry about my absence. Didn’t really think I’d be doing anyone a favour by coming to any races, it would probably just end in arguments and lies about, well, this.” You said as you pointed down to your growing stomach, Charles stopping in his tracks, mouth agape as he sated down at your bump, for a moment you had forgot that you had told no one of your pregnancy.

“Oh my god,” he said as he looked down at you, “is it?” He said, not saying a name but of course you knew what he meant, “Carlos? Yeah, he wasn’t too thrilled when I told him, sent me the divorce papers in the post a week later.”

“What a fucking asshole,” Charles said, clearing angry at his teammates behaviour, but you just shrugged, “I’ve made my peace with it, I don’t need him to do this.”

Charles smiled at your words, he always knew you was capable of doing anything yourself, “How about I take you for dinner tomorrow night, late so no worries of nosy eyes prying.”

You raised your eyebrows at him, “are you asking me on a date Charles?” You watched in amusement as he tried to stutter his way through a response, you just shook your head and laughed, “yes, Charlie. I’d love to go to dinner with you.”

———

After that night you had begun to speak to Charles more and more. He had become one of the people you could rely on as your pregnancy moved further along.

You were now six months along, your stomach was growing more and more by the day it seemed, and you couldn’t wait for it to be the day where you would get to meet your baby.

After summer break had ended Charles had to of course go back to racing, but on weeks off he would come and bust and stay with you.

Over the months the two of you had formed a relationship, and you had chose to keep it a secret for now, knowing the backlash the pair of you would receive from everybody, but you were happy, the happiest you had been in years.

Charles showed you that love could be calm, that you didn’t have to spend every day worrying about him losing interest like you did with Carlos because, unlike him, Charles was always there for you.

That’s what lead the pair of you here, having a quite night in at your apartment as you watched a movie on your tv, you leaning against Charles with your head in his shoulder as he focused on the screen and subconsciously rubbed his thumb back and forth over your stomach, a habit the pair of you had come accustom to in the recent weeks.

You knew in this moment, that this was all you ever needed.

————

It was late at night when you woke up with a small grunt of pain coming from your now nearly full grown stomach as you neared closer to your due date, you sighed and tried to wiggle yourself free from Charles’ comforting hold to grab a glass of water, thinking this was just another case of braxton hicks, your due date though nearing closer still a month away.

You stood slowly but stopped in your tracks when you felt liquid drop down your leg, “What the fuck?” You muttered, this couldn’t be happening now, your baby would be okay other than probably a night in the nicu just for precaution but that though still frightened you beyond belief, but you wasn’t ready, this wasn’t supposed to happen for another month.

You turned around as quickly as the weight on your stomach allowed as you woke Charles, after you called his name for the third time he jumped out of bed, him having grown alert of the nearing to your due date, and for a moment you allowed your heart to swoon at his constant worry for you and your unborn child’s wellbeing. He didn’t have to stop you on the street that night, he didn’t have to ask you out for dinner and he didn’t have to start a relationship with you when your was pregnant with his teammates child, he chose to. He wanted to be there for you, with you. No matter what.

You couldn’t focus on his caring behaviour for too long though, as you swallowed the lump in your throat as you stuttered out the words, “My water broke.”

Charles’ shoulders relaxed slightly, glad that neither of you was in serious hurt or danger, but he still sprung into action, “Okay,” he said as he hopped out of your shared bed and dragged a t-shirt over his bare chest, “I’m going to help you change, then we’re gonna grab the hospital bag and we’re gonna make sure that you and Petit ange are okay?”

Your heart swooned at the nickname he had adjusted for the baby, but also for his calmness in the situation.

The pair of you hadn’t discussed what life would be like once the baby was born, all you knew was that Charles has contacted Carlos - per your request- and informed him of your due date, saying he happened to pass you in the street one day and asked him to inform the Spaniard, but he just scoffed and said to ‘send him the papers to get rid of anything he had to do with the thing’. So, that was your response to Carlos wanting to be in your child’s life, you sent him the papers to relinquish his rights the next day, you received the signed document back less than a week later.

Charles new that he wanted to be their for you, you was the love of his life, but he would never make you rush into anything involving him and your child, he wanted you to wait to make the calls on how much the two of them would interact, if at all.

You nodded at his words, begging to feel some of the man’s calmness radiate towards you as you nodded. You were going to be okay. All three of you were.

———

Labour was excruciating. Your mother had warned you of the pains of bringing a child into the world but you had always thought the she exaggerated it a bit, but now that you were going through it yourself, she couldn’t have underestimated it more.

The only thing keeping you semi-sane was Charles. Oh Charles, he was your rock. His hand holding yours the whole time as he whispered sweet nothings and encouraging words in your ear as he promised that the pain would end and you’d be left with nothing but happiness as you looked down at your angle.

He was right, once you heard your baby girls first cry it was like all pain had been forgotten as the nurses checked her over before laying her in your arms, even though she was a month premature she was still the pinnacle of health you didn’t have any words as tears flooded your eyes at the small human in your arms.

“Oh amour,” Charles muttered, his own eyes glassy and thick with tears as he looked down at the baby, “she’s so beautiful.”

“She’s perfect.” You muttered as you pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and then led a gentle kiss on Charles lips.

———

It was a couple of hours later, your baby girl asleep in her crib still in the hospital as you had managed Charles to squeeze in bed next to you as the man rubbed his hand up and down your arm, “have you thought of a name for her yet?” He questioned.

You hummed, “I have actually,” you said as you linked your fingers with his, “i was thinking first name, Alessi, I’ve always loved it. Middle name, Marie for my sister,” you hesitated for a moment before saying, “and i was just thinking, maybe for a last name, Y/l/n-leclerc.”

You looked up at Charles who just had an unreadable expression on his face, you instantly groaned, “my god I’m so so stupid, just forget i even said anything, what was i even-,” he cut you off with a kiss that took your breath away, he pulled away with tears in his eyes as he said “I would love nothing more in this world then to be able to do this with you, to be Marie’s father.”

“Really?”

He nodded instantly, “and when she’s old enough we’ll tell her, about Carlos if your comfortable with it, and we’ll see what she decided from there on but until then, and if she accepts me after i would love nothing more to be her father Y/n, I mean it.”

You smiled with tears in your eyes as you nodded, “Then it’s settled. Alessi Marie Y/l/n-Leclerc.”

————

It has been eight months since that day where your baby had been born, and three months since Charles had asked you to marry him, which of course you excepted with no hesitation.

Alessihad grown, now eight months old as she mastered how to say ‘da-da’ whenever she saw Charles, even when she saw him on tv when he was away races, she sat with you on the sofa and chanted it over and over again as if he was going to walk through the tv and scoop her up.

She looked just like you, there wasn’t a trace of Carlos in her, and you were happy. If he didn’t want to know her, he didn’t have to, she had you and she had Charles, and that’s all she would ever need.

Today was different though, today you and Alessi would be joining Charles at his home Grand Prix. It would be your first public appearance with Lessi as a mother, and with Charles as his fiancée.

“Are you ready to go see dada race?” You said to your daughter as you put on her custom Ferrari shirt, the number sixteen and name ‘Leclerc’ sprawled across the back of it of course, the eight month old just giggle at you, not really understanding anything that you had just said, just the word dada and anything to do with you and Charles instantly made her grin.

You smiled when you heard the front door open, it was Charles of course, coming to get you and Lessi to take you to the paddock, “Lessi? Amour?” He called for you both through the house as you scooped your baby up and took her to see her dad, her instantly squealing in excitement when she saw him, making grabby hands, you laughed as you handed her to Charles, the man immediately taking her and holding her tightly as he looked at you lovingly, “Are you ready for this Amour? We don’t have to do this yet, remember?”

You nodded, “I’ve put off being near him for long enough, he can’t have anything to do with my life anymore. I want to support the love of my life at his home,” you said with a smile which he instantly returned as he kissed you gently, “and I’m sure Less wants to make her Grand Prix debut?” You said towards the baby who just giggled and housed in Charles’ arms, “Dada car!” She exclaimed making you both laugh.

“There’s your answer.” You said as the three if you left your home, ready for whatever the business of the paddock had to throw at you.

————

You could feel all the lingering gazes and hushed words round you as you entered the paddock for the first time in nearly two years, hand in hand with Charles as he held Alessi and your hand, your other being free leaving the diamond engagement ring on your finger out for the world to see.

Charles squeezed your hand, capturing your attention as you looked towards him, “Are you okay Amour?” You nodded, “yeah of course.”

He smiled at you as he led you and Lessi into his garage, where he was quick to show her off to anyone who would pay attention, people shocked seeing you with Charles with a baby after so long without a word or sighting, they was happy to have you back when you was happy.

He dragged the pair of you over to Fred, the man grinning widely when he saw you, “Well, long time no see miss Y/l/n.” You smiled with a laugh as Fred pulled you into a hug, “It’s nice to see you too Fred.”

The man smiled but it only grew when he saw a drowsy Alessi with her head resting against Charles’ shoulder, “Well who is this angle?”

“This is our daughter, Alessi.” Charles said with the widest grin possible as he saw Fred’s eyes flick from your joined hands to the ring on your finger, slowly piecing things together.

“She’s adorable,” he said, “but I must have to warn you, he’s here, and if her were to see this I doubt he’d be happy Charles.”

Fred didn’t have to say his name for the pair of you to know he was talking about Carlos, but frankly you who didn’t care, you were there, together, and you were happy.

————

It was later in the day, Charles had to go do some thing before the race, leaving you and Lessi to walk around, telling you not to hesitate to call him if you need too, but you promised him you would be okay.

Well you thought you would be, you was currently on your way to the McLaren garage, you had always been close friends with Lando’s girlfriend, Louisa, and she was one of your closest friends and one of the only people in the world to know of you and Charles and Alessi, well until now.

But when you got there, Carlos must’ve been seeing Lando, or something that made you extremely unlucky because just as you was about to walk in, he walked out, and it was like he had seen a ghost.

You looked down at the ground and held Lessi’s sleeping head into your shoulder as you prayed for Louisa to come out and meet you quickly.

“Y/n.” He said, shock evident in his voice as he eyes flickered from your eyes which were glued to the ground, to the sleeping baby in your hip, to the glistening diamond on your finger, “what the fu-.”

“Not infront of my daughter.” You said, cutting him off as you gained the confidence to look up into his eye for the first time in almost two years.

He scoffed, “I’ll say whatever the hell I want too.”

“Not in front of my daughter you won’t Carlos.” You said stubbornly as he rolled his eyes, “fine no cursing in front of our daughter.”

“Nope,” you shook your head, “you’re wrong, you signed away anything to do with her a long time ago, now if you’ll excuse me, I have people to see.” You said as you tried to walk past him but he stepped firing it you.

“You think you can leave that easily?” He asked, “after showing up to my place of work. With that with you,” He said pointing to Lessi’s sleeping frame, “and that on your finger.” He said, now referring to your engagement ring, “are you trying to embarrass me Y/n?”

“No, Carlos, I’m here for-,”

He cut off your quivering voice, it had been two years and he still had the ability to make your feelings spiral with one sentence.

“Is there something going on here?” Relief crashed over you when you head the voice of Charles come up behind you, Carlos just put on a fake smile to his teammate, “Oh nothing, just catching up with my old friend Y/n here.”

“Really?” Your fiancée questioned as he placed a comforting hand on your lower back, “because it seems to me that you’re upsetting my fiancée and are on the verge of waking up my daughter from her nap.”

Carlos was too stunned to speak, but when he found the confidence to speak his eyes darted to you, “You fucking whore. This is what you fucking do hmm? Run inti the arms of my teammate? My friend?”

“If I were you Carlos I’d stop using that language towards my fiancée and in front of my baby before I just happen to accidentally let it slip to the media everything you’ve done to Y/n and Alessi.” Charles said with a cold glare towards Carlos that just made the man scoff before walking away but not before shouting something over his shoulder about you being a whore, but you ignored it.

Charles cradled your face in his hand as he pressed a delicate kiss to your forehead, “are you and Alessi okay?” He asked delicately.

You nodded in response, but even after that interaction you knew you really meant it. Because, this in this moment was all you ever needed. You had the love of your life and your baby and somehow you knew even if Carlos were to give you hell for the rest of forever you would be okay, because you had your family.

—

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[gurugirl]

The Handyman | a check-in*

Summary: You and Harry throw a housewarming party and your ex shows up with some advice for whoever built the kitchen counter. Harry makes sure to prove to you how well-built his countertops really are.

A/N: Based on this idea! Previously posted on Patreon. Read the original one shot here.

Word Count: 3,613

Warning: smut, the tiniest touch of jealousy/possessiveness

❊❊❊

You hadn’t intended for your little housewarming party to turn into a whole thing. Harry said he’d help you invite people from town, a way to make more friends and get to know some of the locals a bit better. But then when your dad told your cousin that you were throwing a small party she let it slip to someone from your past. Van, your ex. She apologized, saying she didn’t think he’d be interested until he asked for more details. But you weren’t going to be rude and uninvite anyone because the house was big enough for everyone. And you did say “open invitation” after all.

“Y/n, it’s so nice to see you again,” Van pulled you in for a hug when he arrived. You put on your nicest smile and attempted to act happy to see him. And it wasn’t that you disliked the guy but the awkwardness of dealing with an ex you hadn’t seen in a while was a bit daunting.

“Oh my gosh. You too! I’m surprised to see you here. All the way out in the middle of nowhere!” It truly was a surprise. It was an hour’s drive from the city to get to your house. And even though your cousin told you she told him and he seemed interested, you half expected he wouldn’t show up.

You made small talk with him before excusing yourself to go to the kitchen except he followed you.

“This house really does look nice, Y/n. Did you have help with all this?”

“Thank you. And yes. I had someone help with everything. Harry’s been so amazing. Listened to what I wanted but he already had his own ideas which I loved so much. Kept almost everything original.”

Van ran his palm along the butcher block island and ducked down to check the construction of the cabinets beneath, “Who’s Harry?”

“Harry owns a small company doing all kinds of work for people in town. He helped me restore the whole place and landscape. I mean, he basically did all the work but�� yeah. He’s also my boyfriend.”

Van raised a brow at you, “Boyfriend huh?”

“Yep. Boyfriend. He’s actually here somewhere.”

He nodded as he inspected the window over the sink, “Not sure if you remember or not but I became an architect. Wish you’d have called me. I could have really done this place justice. Sort of feels like some of this could have been upgraded.”

“Oh? Like what?”

You caught Harry’s eye when he stood at the entry between the kitchen and the dining room as he spoke to a few people he knew.

“Well this window for example,” Van pointed, “I would have pushed this whole wall out, made a breakfast nook over the patio since there’s so much space at the front. Could have put in built-in bench seating and it would have given you so much more light in the kitchen and increased the value of the property.”

“I mean that sounds really nice but I wanted it to be original. Expanding the walls and windows like that sounds like too much. And I’m not planning on selling it so increasing the value doesn’t appeal to me.”

“I just hope he knew what he was doing. If someone’s not quite qualified you could have shoddy workmanship that shows later. Like all the cabinets and these new countertops,” he knocked on the surface, “might look fine now but give them a year and you’ll see if it’s up to par.”

Suddenly Harry was wrapping his arms around your front and kissing your neck as Van was then suggesting a rebuild of the staircase to expand the width. You placed your hands over Harry’s forearms and grinned at the feel of his lips on your skin. His distraction had almost made you forget that Van was still talking until he slowly got quieter as he looked between you and Harry and realized you were no longer listening.

Harry kept his eyes on Van as he pressed warm kisses to your neck. It was a signal to Van. You were taken and you were happy and Harry wasn’t some pushover. You were his girl and he was letting Van know.

“This the ex you were telling me about,” he whispered into your ear so Van wouldn’t hear it.

You nodded and giggled, turning to look at Harry when Van cleared his throat.

Harry stood up straight and put his hands on your shoulders, “Sorry to interrupt like that. I’m Harry, Y/n’s boyfriend. You are?”

“Oh, I’m an old friend. I’m Van,” he put his hand out to shake and Harry wrapped his big palm around Van’s with a nod.

“Nice to meet you, Van. Now, what were you suggesting I do differently?”

Van’s eyes widened slightly, “Oh… I wasn’t saying you should do anything different… it’s just that there were some ideas…”

You were no longer interested in what Van had to say at all when you felt Harry’s hand slide down to your hip. It felt like a possessive move. You’d never known Harry to be jealous or anything but that whole exchange had you seeing a bit of a different side of him.

“Definitely some good ideas, Van. But we’re happy with keeping things original. Feel free to have a look around at everything if you like. Only room off limits is our bedroom upstairs that’s locked, but otherwise, knock yourself out.”

Neither you nor Van missed Harry saying our bedroom upstairs.

“Okay. Well, thank you. Yeah, I mean I think you’ve done a great job here and…” Now Van was backtracking.

Harry nodded, “The most important thing is that Y/n is happy with how everything turned out and the quality of construction is the best,” he rapped his knuckles on the countertop, his brow raised at Van.

Van kept his distance until he left a couple of hours later, only hugging you quickly and telling you, once again, how nice it was to see you. You weren’t sure why he showed up in the first place. Maybe, being an architect, he was genuinely curious about the new house you bought and had help restoring. Or maybe he was hoping to rekindle something long gone but then was caught off guard by Harry.

“I can see why you love it here,” your cousin nudged your arm as she ogled Harry who was talking to a woman animatedly.

You laughed softly, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Your boyfriend, obviously. Damn. Who knew small-town men looked like that? You’re living your Lifetime movie dreams babe. Old mansion, aunt’s inheritance, hot local who helped you fix the place up falls in love with you…”

You laughed through your nose and shook your head, “I’m not saying I’m not agreeing with you but… I would have stayed here with or without Harry. He’s just the cherry on top.”

“Oh, I bet he’s the cherry on top. So…” she looked around the space and then back at you, “He’s living here with you then?”

You nodded, “Yep. When we started dating it was just kind of the natural next step. I think my dad thought it was too fast but I didn’t want to be away from him at night anymore and he didn’t like it either. I suggested that he just stay and… well that’s really it. He’s here for good. Plus he put so much love into this house. It feels like it’s just as much as his as it is mine.”

You could admit, everything looked fantastic. Harry had made your home into something you could see yourself living in until you were old and grey. Something you were proud to show off to everyone. It was a labor of love, for both of you.

. . .

When everyone had gone, you were wiping up the countertop when your sponge was plucked from your hands and Harry pulled you back into his chest, “So Van thinks the construction of this counter isn’t well done?”

You turned in his arms and grinned up at him, “You know the construction is fine. It’s the best. Don’t worry about what he said. I don’t think he could tell from just looking anyway.”

“Did you like him a lot when you two dated?” Harry pushed you gently back toward the counter, your bottom hitting the edge.

“Why? You’re not jealous are you?”

Harry licked his lips and squeezed your hips before sliding his hands up to your waist and lifting you to sit on the smooth surface you’d just wiped down. You laughed and grasped onto his shoulders.

“Of course, I’m not jealous of Mr. Architect. But I do want to demonstrate how sturdy everything is. I’m not the type to cut corners, you know…” he dragged his big hands up your sides and one up your spine until his fingers found the back of your neck, collaring you with his big palm as he bumped his nose into yours.

You giggled and pushed your arms over his shoulders, “Seriously, Harry. I know how sturdy everything is. No need to prove anything to me.”

“Mmm… I know I don’t have to prove anything,” he smoothed his lips against yours gently, and slowly with the poke of the tip of his tongue at your plush lips igniting the furnace in your tummy that always simmered with need for him. But when he got like this… with his hands on your body and his mouth prodding at yours… the simmer turned into a boil.

You felt one of his hands travel down your hips and then to your thigh where he bunched the material of your skirt in his palm until he’d pushed the fabric out of his way and teased his finger up and down along the edge of your panties next to your crotch.

Spreading your legs for him you leaned back slightly and parted from the kiss with a laugh, “We gonna do this right here, Harry?”

He splayed both of his hands over your bare thighs and squeezed. His eyelids were heavy as he roved his pupils from where he was holding your plush thighs then up to your face, “Wanna?’

You couldn’t help but giggle again and bite your lip as you nodded.

“Mmhmm… Thought you’d want to. Given how wet your panties are right here,” he pressed his thumb over the crotch of your knickers, “Bet you need it more than I do, sweetheart.”

He smeared his thumb around the material of your sodden panties, wetting the pad of his digit before finding your clit and pressing into it. A breathy pant fell from your lips.

“What got you like this, Y/n? What happened, sweetheart?”

“Nothing, just you.”

“Me? Are you sure about that?”

“Always you, Harry.”

He grinned and pushed the fabric of your panties aside as he kept his soft green eyes on you, “What about me does this to you, hmm? You just like me so much that you start dripping?”

You felt your face heat up. Harry often liked to ask you questions that got you a little shy or embarrassed when you had to answer. And even though you should be used to it by now you still got a bit antsy. But fuck if you didn’t love it.

“Yeah. I really just like you so much…”

Harry’s grin never faltered as he kept his gaze pinned to yours and pressed his thumb at the entrance of your pussy, taunting it open until he had pushed it all the way in and you gasped. He began slipping it in and pulling it out, “I know you do. And I love how much you need me,” he continued fucking you with his thumb, “How your body reacts to me. Look at you, Y/n…” he dipped his gaze down to where he was thrusting his thumb into you, “Letting me fuck you with my thumb on the countertop I installed. Making a mess of my palm and I bet the quartz under your ass too. Almost shaking you need it so bad.”

You grunted and rolled your hips up against his thumb, pressing him in further and Harry groaned at your little pathetic wiggle.

Releasing one of your thighs he hooked a finger into the bottom hem of your blouse and pushed upward, “Arms up.”

Raising your arms overhead harry pulled the shirt from your torso and then pulled your bra down, exposing your tits one at a time until you were pouring out over the stretchy material. With his thumb still inside of you, he ducked down and wrapped his lips over your nipple, tongue first.

You moaned and closed your eyes when Harry moved to your other breast, pumping his thumb through your walls until it was all gushy sounding. He stood back, pulling his thumb from you and then bringing it up to his mouth, wrapping his lips around it to lick off every drop of you while his other hand worked at his button to get his pants undone.

There you sat at the edge of the counter with your legs spread and your wet pussy on display. Your panties were stretched to the side and out of the way but you could feel the elastic digging into the back of your thigh and your bum.

Harry pulled himself out of his pants, his gorgeous cock already at full mast and ready to split you in half. He cradled the underside of his shaft as he stepped in toward you and held your thigh in place as he smudged his tip into your labia, spreading your arousal through your crease. The dirty look on his face was heated, like he was about to overtake every part of you.

“Hold onto my back, sweetheart. Gonna fuck you on this well-made countertop now,” he smirked at you cheekily.

You would have laughed but you were already feeling his tip at your pulsing muscle and the anticipation of him stretching you open was making your head spin.

He rocked forward, his thick crown penetrating you and opening you up as he stuffed himself in. It took a few pumps of his cock in and out to burry into the hilt. He gasped when he felt your pussy devour him whole.

Your fingers clung to his back as he began to thrust, long and languid, wet and hot.

“Fucking hell… Got me so weak for you, sweetheart. So desperate to feel you around me all the time. Wanted to fuck you on this counter right in front of your ex-architect so he could see who’s fucking you these days, who’s treating you right…”

You moaned with every deep nudge of his cock through your wet channel. But when he ran his thumb over your clit you croaked out loudly, “Fuck! Yes…”

“See? Look how good I am to you… give you the best don’t I?”

You nodded, “The best, Harry…”

He crashed his lips to yours as he worked your cunt with his cock and his thumb and the languid thrusts turned into frantic jerking motions with his tip nudging into your guts, a hint of pain spreading through your insides at the way he bullied his thick length into you. He rocked his hips against you, the sound of smacking flesh and muffled moans between kisses filtered out through the open window onto your porch. Luckily you had no neighbors anywhere near so no one would know the kinds of things that went on in that old house every evening.

Your thighs were trembling with every swipe of his thumb at your clit and every dip of his cock through your insides.

“Gonna come for me already? Yeah? Fuck, baby…” he was swollen and leaking as he shoved into you. The feel of you wrapped tight around him was always heaven. His favorite.

You whined loudly, the build-up of your orgasm was unable to be stopped as you let him ravage your pussy however he liked. Pat-pat-pat… the sound of wet pussy getting fucked was a typical soundtrack in your house just about every night.

Harry ran a big paw over your tits and squeezed as he pounded into you. The counter under you never budging.

When your pussy began to squeeze and flutter and spasm and your mouth dropped open wide you let out a pitiful cry and dug your fingertips into the taut muscle of his back as you gushed on his big cock.

He only increased his pace as he fucked into you and watched your pretty face twist up in ecstasy. He loved watching you come. It only fed his ego to see such a pretty thing with your face all scrunched and lips curled and wet as you quivered in your orgasm.

He hissed to hold himself back as he felt your pussy slobbering arousal all over his dick. He’d have loved to unload his come right then but he wanted to force another orgasm from you before he allowed himself the satisfaction of coming yet.

When you felt him slow his thrusts you could hear him cooing at you, “Good girl. Fuck baby almost made me come you look so pretty like this.”

You lulled your head up to look at him and he smoothed his lips against yours as he stilled his hips, cock lodged deep inside of your tummy.

“Gonna have you bend over now, okay? Put your feet on this stool if you need it,” he dragged the stool next to his foot toward the counter for you. And with wobbly limbs, you adjusted your seating, turning over so your hips were face down against the counter top and Harry quickly placed his big palms on the round of your ass, pulling you apart so he could see your pussy and anus.

He inhaled sharply as he ran a finger through your folds and you jolted from being so sensitive, “Easy, sweetheart… This is gonna feel good once I get going. You ready?”

You nodded into the crook of your arm and let out a muffled yes as he nudged his cock against you again.

His fingers dug into the meaty soft part of your thighs before he split you open, burying in balls deep on first pass.

You grunted and braced yourself as he began to plunge through your insides, wet strokes of his long cock filling you and then pulling back to his tip on repeat.

“Ooh… shit, sweetheart. So fucking pretty…” he pulled at your ass cheeks and railed into you. You knew he was sweating already, he was giving it his all, using his strong muscles to fuck himself into you and panting breaths every time his balls smushed into your pussy.

You began to feel that fuzzy little prickle spread over your core with every stroke of his cock. The ridges of his bare dick always fit into your crevices and little spots like he was made to snug inside of you and get you off just like that. Your g-spot was never left unloved with the shape of Harry’s cock, his tip always dipping right into it with every pass.

He began to grunt with every glide of his hips, his cock being massaged by your warm walls making his balls tighten and his heart pound the closer he got to his end.

The sight of your pussy sucking him in, lips wrapped around his thick shaft and leaving creamy arousal along his length was just as hot as the way you felt encasing him. But of course, there was the scent and the sound as well. It was lewd. All his senses were burning and singing as he fucked into you.

“Ahh!” You moaned and began to push back against his thrusts, desperate for your next orgasm as it was approaching fast.

Arousal dripped down your inner thighs as he rutted into you, his pace growing sloppy and erratic as he could tell you were about to come.

And the moment you gurgled a wet moan and he could feel you clamping down he gasped and gripped onto your hips, moving you over his cock like you were a toy to fuck, he pulled your ass against his hips and then upward along his cock before slamming you against him again, smearing your pussy juice on the countertop as he did so. You cried out and convulsed around him as Harry finally pumped into you, pulling you back against him until he was stuffed into you as deep as he could reach and released every drop of himself into you.

He groaned as he came into your warm, cozy pussy, pumping strings of his come through your slimy arousal-coated cunt.

Harry made getting off easy. You’d never been one to come so fast or so easy but you were convinced his cock was shaped exactly like you needed. You reached back to take his hand as Harry leaned over your back and kissed your neck, “Pussy fucked and stuffed and countertop sturdy as a rock,” he laughed.

You giggled and arched your back to attempt to move yourself, the position was not the most comfortable after all.

Harry helped you down and held onto you so you wouldn’t fall and you both laughed again when you turned to face him, knowing you had mascara down your cheeks.

He cupped your face and grinned at you, “This is the best housewarming party I’ve ever been to.”

You pointed at the counter he’d just fucked you on and chuckled, “And that is the sturdiest kitchen counter anyone will ever see.”

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@ladscarlett @babyurthendofjune @heartateasee @littlenatilda @virgopr1ncess

[enchantedlov3r]

This is my playpen ellie williams x puppy!reader full fic<3

Summary: you and ellie are play fighting but it turns into something different, more intimate...

Pairing: ellie williams x puppy!reader (my reader)

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: Smut, oral (r receiving), soft!dom!ellie, sub!pup!reader, moaning, ellie herself should be a warning, fingering, ✂️ing, kissing, breast play, squirting, play fighting, aftercare, that's it folks!

A/N: I'm in the writing mood y'all enjoyyy! MDNI!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!! smut warning will be placed when the scene arrives. first time writing for ellie, hope you guys like it!

based on this song:

you and ellie were the best of friends. you both loved each other very much and it showed in public.

ellie was in love with you though. she of course never exactly had the balls to tell you because you were so pretty. she didn't wanna ruin this wonderful friendship you guys had.

in these circumstances, it was hard to make friends her age, granted she was basically an adult now and so were you, it was still hard being lesbian and making female friends and struggling not to fall for them.

that's what happened between her and dina, they were really close friends and ellie fell for her. but now there kinda distant from each other because now dina is with jesse.

there's nothing wrong with that, she was still friends with them, it just wasn't the same like it used to be.

but now she found you and she just wanted you to be her's so badly. it haunted ellie at night. it got to the point joel noticed and would tease ellie about it everyday.

"stop starin' ellie, it's creepy." joel would say as ellie stared at you from across the room while you were sitting on couch.

it was movie night and you, ellie and joel always watched movies together. Tonight you invited dina.

"how can i sit here and not stare joel? How can she sit there and laugh and look so beautiful?" ellie says admiring your figure laughing with dina.

"well I understand that, she's a beautiful girl but c'mon, you know what happened between and dina" he says to ellie with a look.

"yea well joel i can assure you, that won't happen again, can we go watch the movie you old man?" ellie says with a smirk on her face before kicking off the wall and heading towards the couch.

"hey guys, whatcha talking about?" ellie announces her presence. Dina looks at her and smile and you smile at her as well jumping up to give her a hug.

"Hi els! we were just talking about our guesses on how the movies gonna end." you say giggling before letting her go and grabbing her hand to sit down.

"Yea, she thinks its gonna end happily but I think it's gonna end badly." dina says smiling at ellie.

"yea well, I don't know how it's gonna end but i'm guessing it'll prolly have idk maybe a double ending where it's both good and bad." ellie says with a shrug.

"that was no help at all ellie." dina says with a smirk on her face. "It's ok els, we'll see." you say laying a reassuring hand on her thigh.

ellies face turns a bit red and she smiles at you before rubbing her neck.

she had to admit she was very smitten about you. she loved how you were so oblivious and so cute. she adored your love for nature and your fascination with chasing things.

it was adorable.

'joel! hurry up! we wanna watch the movie!" dina calls out

"yea you old man, get out here!" ellie follows up

"please be safe and don't trip and break a hip please joel." you say lastly making ellie and dina laugh.

"what!? i'm genuinely concerned for joel!" you say with a pout on your face. ellie smiles and apologizes glancing down at your lips.

she turns away from you and looks at the figure appearing next to her, it's joel.

"alright girls, yall can shut up now. I'm pressing play." He says laughing.

the movie begins and it's going good, you guys are halfway through the movie when there's knocking on the door.

joel groans and the girls whine. joel pauses the movie and gets up and opens the door and sees tommy and jesse.

"what is it tommy?" joel asks clearly frustrated and annoyed. "well I need you for some help in the stables and jesse needs dina for something, I have no clue why though."

"alright, we'll be out in a sec." he says huffing out a puff of air.

"dina, jesse needs you, don't know why, els imma be gone for a little bit, i'll be back, pick up dina then we'll finish the movie, kay?" he announces.

you pout and ellie rolls her eyes, clearly frustrated. 'alright joel, bye see you later." ellie calls out.

"bye joel." you call out to him. he smiles, winks at ellie and waves his hand. 'bye girls." he says.

"by dina." you say,

"bye d." ellie says.

"bye guys." she says with a smile before running out the house and closing the door.

you both hear a click which is clearly joel locking the door before you both look at each other and smile.

"so whaddya wanna do?" ellie asks with a tight lipped smile as she pats her thighs.

"I don't know, can we go to your room, your bed is much more comfortable then this couch." you say with a smile.

"ok, yea no let's go." ellie says getting up and leading you to her room even though you already knew the way.

you guys finally make it to her room and ellie asks as she opens the door, "what now?" she says walking towards her bed.

"THIS!" you yell out jumping on her back and making ellie fall on to her bed. you giggle as you straddle ellie from behind.

ellie tries to get you off before reaching behind and using her fingers to tickle you.

you laugh out loud and fall off her. she climbs on top of you you both start tugging at each others arms and tickling each other.

SMUT INCOMING!!

ellies leg though found a way between yours and every time you moved, your cunt was brushed with the roughness of her jeans and the thinness of your shorts.

every time her leg brushes against your clit you whimper but try your best to cover it up with a giggle, but there was this one time that her leg brushed your now soaked cunt and you moaned her name.

"e-ellie, fuck." you moan out. ellie immediately stops in her tracks. she looks at you with wide eyes.

"w-what did you say?" ellie questions, clearly confused.

"ellie your leg has been brushing against my pussy for the longest and it feels really good, i tried my best to conceal my noises but it felt way too good." you confess.

"please els, please help me. I need it, i need you." you beg her as you paw at her clothes to remove them.

she bites her lip and mutters out a "fuck" before removing her shirt and her sports bra, she starts unbuckling her jeans and gets off of you.

"fuck, take your pants off." she say breathlessly as she stares at your breasts. she climbs back on top of you once your pants and panties are removed.

she puts one leg on top and over you and lines her pussy up with yours. she starts experimenting by slowly moving her hips rubbing her clit against yours.

you let out a long moan and grip onto her leg. "fuck els, yea r-right there." you whimper out.

she moans too, "fuck yea, your pussy feels so good, fuck" ellie moans.

her pace gets faster and your desperate thrusts and movements are indicating that your close. "your close huh? you gonna cum, cum for me." ellie says grabbing your breast and rubbing and squeezing your nipples.

you cry out feeling your release coming closer and closer. you squeeze your eyes shut and moan out ellie's name loudly. she curses before her hips twitch as do yours as you both cum at the same time.

"fuck baby, c'mere wanna try something." ellie whispers to you. you scoot closer to her and ellie lays down on her stomach.

she lines her face up with your cunt and experiments with her tongue. she licks a stripe up your cunt and you mewl.

"oh ellie!" you whine out, the feeling of her tongue in the place you need her most feels amazing.

"you taste so good babe." she moans into your cunt. the vibrations of her moans course through you making your hips jolt at the friction.

what surprises you is when she adds a finger inside you, you cry out at the feeling of the strecth.

"oh fucking hell els!" you grip her hair tighter and she groans into your cunt. she's having the time of her life going ham on your pussy.

she adds a second finger eliciting the same reaction out of you that you had the first time.

she slides her other hand down to her pussy and slips to fingers in moaning into your cunt loudly.

ellie felt euphoric, not only pleasing you but also pleasing herself. ellie got pleasure out of watching you squirm and writhe around as she ate you out.

"f-fuck." she mumbles as she feels her high approaching. she chases it while still finding the rhythm to please you.

she cums at hearing you cry out her name. she's breathing just as heavily now as you are. she removes her fingers from her cunt and grabs your plush thighs to finish you off.

"you gonna cum again for me love?" she asks sucking on your clit as she feels your walls tightening and your hips spasming.

"ellie! oh ff-fuckk!" you cry out as you squirt all over ellie, her tongue lapping up your juices.

you pull her face closer to your cunt as you ride out your high, the feeling of euphoria taking over you as you cum.

ellie removes her fingers before locking eyes with you. she sucks her fingers clean making you whine at how hot it was.

"l-lemme help you." you say batting your big pretty doe puppy eyes at her as you offer to help get her off.

"it's fine love, I'm good." she says as she gets up off the bed. "lemme clean you up yea?"

she goes into the bathroom and grabs a rag, wets it with warm water as it was very cold in jackson lately.

she wipes your cunt and you sigh in relief feeling warm water on your bare skin.

she rinses it again and wipes your body down from your breasts down to your thighs.

she then cleans herself off before laying down in the bed with you. she pulls the blankets over both of you and snuggles up with you.

"you wanna shirt of mine or no? so you know... y-your not cold?" she asks.

"yea that would be nice els, thank you." you say. you watch as she walks over to the drawer and grabs to shirts out, a black one and a green one.

she tosses you the green one and she puts on the black one. she grabs a pair of underwear for herself and you and you guys get dressed.

once you guys are finished you guys lay back down and cuddle up.

"this may sound crazy to say but, I think i'm in love with you." ellie admits.

"you think?" you question. "no n-no, fuck. no I know I love you. I've been in love with you for a long time." ellie says tracing circles on your thigh.

"i'm in love with you too ellie!" you say smiling at her. "I thought I was being kinda obvious with the way I acted around you."

ellie chuckles and kisses you for the first time tonight. it's long and it's passionate and it has nothing but love in it.

with her eyes still closed she smiles. "will you do me the honor in making me the happiest girl in the world and be my girlfriend?" ellie asks.

you smile and shower her face with kisses before answering. "YES! YES! YES!" you say excitingly.

you hug her and you both lay there together eventually falling asleep in each others arms.

Taglist: (?) whoever wants to join just lemme know!

COMMENTS, REBLOGS, AND LIKES ARE MUCH APPRECIATED!

©enchantedlov3r| All rights reserved. Do not repost, reupload, translate, modify, or claim my work as your own.

[bruhnze]

Apple tarts and tiramisu - Lucy Bronze x reader

Lucy Bronze x Barista!reader

Summary: this story takes place in 2022, when Lucy just moved to Barcelona, ​​all fictional of course.

SMUT - MINORS DNI

Wordcount: 10k+ because i yap too much

Apple tarts and tiramisu

It was Monday 7:00, you had an opening shift and was already in the shop for a good half an hour to get the machines starting and take the chairs of the tables. You had opened the doors of the small coffee shop and the still fairly cool Barcelona air blew in. The shop was quite popular by the locals but not really known by others, there was a fairly steady customer base, there were also some offices nearby, from where business people sometimes came in for a coffee or lunch.

But your favorite customers were the football players of FC Barcelona, ​​the coffee shop was down the street from the building where the club offered its players a house if they were international players or came from far inside of Spain.

In the middle of the morning rush an unfamiliar face walked in.

‘’¿Qué puedo hacer por ti?’’ (what can I get you) You said.

‘’Lo siento,’’ the beautiful women said in broken Spanish but with a nice accent ‘’todavía no hablo español, puedes hablar inglés’’ (Sorry, I can’t speak Spanish yet, do you speak English?)

‘’Oh yes, ofcourse’’ you smiled ‘’what can I get you?’’

‘’An iced matcha latte with soy milk please’’ The women said.

‘’Good choice’’ you stated ‘’finally something else then these café solos and cortados, and what is your name?’’

‘’Lucy’’ the women said smiling as she paid and walked to the other side of the counter were your colleague was making and handing out the drinks.

You went on to help the next costumers but not without watching ‘lucy’ as you just found out her name was, getting her drink after her name was called.

Lucy walked away with her drink and you couldn’t help but think about what brought her in, you thought she might be a tourist, even though at first you hadn’t expected that she couldn't speak Spanish, she didn't look like a tourist.

////

It went on like that for a couple of days, Lucy came in every morning that week. You worked Monday to Friday and had the weekend off, when you opened the shop again the next Monday you found yourself hoping to see the English lady again.

The past Thursday you had learned that she was English, that morning she had come in a little later and the shop was quiet, while you made her order you two had chatted, you asked how her pronunciation could sound so good if she could not speak Spanish, then she said that she could speak French and a bit of Portuguese and of course English, and that she was learning Spanish for her job, she had told you she moved from England to Spain for her job.

You hoped she would be in at the end of the morning again and not during the morning rush.

A few hours went by and you hadn’t had the time to wonder about her again because this Monday morning had been very busy and it seemed like about the whole office from across the street wanted a coffee today.

But then she walked in, and this time with a cute little white furred four-legged friend.

‘’Hola guapas’’ you laughed ‘’who have you brought with you, what a cutieee’’.

Lucy smiled ‘’hello, y/n, this is Narla, she is my dog’’

‘’Aw, why haven’t I seen her before!’’

‘’Well I didn’t know if the shop was pet friendly but this weekend I saw someone else with their dog in here so I thought it was okay’’ Lucy shyly admitted.

‘’Oh Lucy, you could’ve asked you know,.. also’’ you said as you pointed to the chalk mural behind you ‘’look, pup-cup and bowl of water $0,00’’ you read ‘’we love perritos here’’. (perritos = dogs)

‘’that’s nice, I bet she would love a pup-cup’ Lucy said, ‘’but also, I can only bring Narla when I have a day off, yesterday I played so today we have the day off’’ she turned to the dog ‘’right Narla, we are gonna have so much fun walking around Barcelona, don’t we’’ she said in a high-pitched voice, like most people do when they talk to their pet.

‘’Ahh’’, you said, ‘’now it makes sense’’

Lucy looked up ‘’huh?’’

‘’You’re a football player?’’ you smiled ‘’right?’’

‘’Yeah, I just signed for Barcelona, but what makes sense then?’’ she smiled questioning.

‘’Oh’’ you blushed only now realizing that you had kind of admitted that you had been thinking about her ‘’It makes sense that you know different languages and that you have come to this coffee shop every day, you probably live in one of the Barca apartments here’’

‘’Oh dear, you’re not going to stalk me, are ya?’ Lucy chuckled, partly laughing about your flushed cheeks.

You spilled a bit of the soy milk you were pouring, ‘’oh god no, sorry, I just-  I- , we have a lot of barca players coming in, it is known that there are players live here, they come in quit often actually’’

‘Haha, don’t worry, I was just kidding, I actually got recommended this coffee shop by one of the girls, and actually, I kind of figured you already knew, which I guess makes me kind off a dick, so—’

‘’Nah, you’re not a dick, you're really nice, actually, can I offer you an apple tart? Its on the house, its homemade and it has no sugar in it, but it's not disgusting like the healthy junk’’

Lucy smiled broadly ‘’food is always good’’ , ‘’and with that description you have made me curious, so yes please’’

‘’Good’’ you said ‘’you can take a chair outside or here’’ pointing to the tables inside the shop ‘’or would you rather have it to go?’’

‘’Hmm’’ Lucy said while thinking about it, ‘’guess ill take a chair in the sun, I have the day off after all, might as well take it to the fullest’’

‘’ Yes, I would do that too, good choice, here is your matcha latte’’ you said as you handed her the cup ‘’I will bring the rest to your table in a second’’

‘’Thank you’’ Lucy said as she walked outside.

Two other costumers came in and you helped them, they wanted two coffees to go. After that the shop was empty again.

After a bit you came out with a little cup of whipped cream for the dog and the apple tarte for Lucy. ‘’There you go’’

‘’Oh thank you, that looks good, did you make that yourself?’’

‘’Nahhh’’ you said ‘’my mother made it, this is her cafe actually’’

‘’Ah, that was that beautiful woman behind the counter this weekend’’ Lucy said playfully.

You pushed her shoulder ‘’hey’’

‘’what’’ she acted offended ‘’can’t I call people beautiful? I thought that was nice, also I reckon you said ‘’hola guapas’’ just now, and although my Spanish is not very good yet, I do happen to know what that means’’.

You laughed now too ‘’yeah yeah , I guess if I said that, you can do that too’’.

Then Lucy asked you boldly ‘’Do you perhaps have a bit of time to sit with me? Or do you have to get back to work?’’

‘’I guess I can, shop is empty, but if someone comes I’ll have to go’’ you said as you took the seat next to her.

‘’How come you can speak English so well?’’ She asked you after the two of you had chatted for a bit.

‘’oh that’s a good story actually, I studied to be an English teacher, and after I graduated I did that for 2 years, but then my mom got the opportunity to open a bakery, but she couldn’t find people to hire for this shop, so she wanted to turn it down, when I heard that I resigned and now I work here every workday so my mom can bake’’

‘Wow’ Lucy said after her mouth was empty, while you had told your story she had eaten half of the tart ‘’I love that you did that, because this tastes amazing’’ ‘’but if I understand correctly, your mother works every day, seven days a week, isn’t that tiring?’’

‘’Yeah’’ you laugh ‘’but you don’t know her, she is inexhaustible, sometimes I think she has adhd, but lately it has gotten better with staff, she hired more people, she even went on a holiday this summer, she hadn’t done that in like 5 years.’’

You talked some more and it also touched on Lucy's own experience with adhd, you found out that she had recently been diagnosed, but that it helped Lucy to exercise and since that was literally her job, she said it didn't bother her that much on a day to day base. When new customers arrived, Lucy thanked you and you gave her a tip about a nice spot with a fountain and some greenery before she walked off.

////

This is how it went for a few weeks, Lucy came to get a matcha to go before her training or if she was free a matcha and an apple tart, sometimes she came in with others.

This day she hadn’t come in, it was already quit late in the afternoon and then you saw almost the whole Barcelona femenino squad rounding the corner.

You had just wiped the whole counter and had put everything away, ready to close the coffee shop for siesta time.

One of them entered the shop, and talked to you in Spanish ‘’Hey I was wondering if we could eat lunch here? I know it’s really late but our team had some meetings which were running very late, so the kitchen at the complex was already closed and Lucia suggested that we could eat something here, but we see now that you are already closing things down so I thought I would ask’’.

‘’Lucia?’’ You asked

‘’Yeah, she is one of our new players, English, there’’ she said, while pointing at the dark haired defender ‘’honestly she doesn’t shut up about the apple tarts here’’

Lucy had walked in after seeing Alexia point at her. But you stood with your back to the door, talking to the football player so you didn’t see her walking up.

‘’ohhh Lucy, does she go by Lucia, I thought it was Lucy’’ you said back in spanish.

‘’Both is fine actually’’ Lucy said behind you ‘’but why are we discussing my name when we could be eating pastries’’. She laughed.  

You turned around, also laughing ‘’haha, yes sorry, tell them to come in and then you all can order’’

Not Lucy but Alexia walked away to get the teammates.

You asked ‘’so Lucia huh?’’

Lucy smiled ‘’Haha, both is acceptable, I mean on my passport is Lucia, but I guess because I grew up in England it just got Lucy and my dad was the only one calling me Lucia, but the Spanish girls like Lucia more I think, they all call me that’’.

‘’What do you like to be called the most?’’ You asked as the teammates were walking in and took chairs from the tables and handed out the few menus from the counter to each other.

Mariona called over ‘’Lucy you coming? You can sit here, what did you recommend again, I forgot what it was called’’.

‘’Oh I better go help her, but honestly I bet we could order anything and it’ll be tasty’’ she walked past you and whispered "but to answer your question, guapa is nice"

For a second you had to think about what she meant, but then it dawned on you, she had just told you she liked it when you called her guapa. Was she flirting? You thought and actually you hoped so, because if you were honest, the English lady was one of the most common topic of thoughts these last few weeks.

////

You had taken everyone’s orders and you now stood working behind the counter with the background sound of laughter and different conversations.

When the coffee was simmering, you grabbed the baked goods that had been ordered. While laying everything on plates on the tray you caught eyes with Lucy, she looked away quickly and pretended to listen to the conversations around her.

You kept looking at her while plating the baking’s and when she looked at you again you winked at her. Her cheeks flushed and she looked away again.

You grabbed the two trays and handed out the plates to everyone, ending at Lucy, ‘’the drinks are coming right up’’ you said in Spanish and repeated in English looking at Lucy.

‘’Nah’’ Salma said ‘’we say everything in Spanish to her, she wants to learn and she has to’’.

‘’Ah, español para la defensora inglesa, lo tengo’’ (ah, spanish for the english defender, got it) you joked.

‘’thanks Salma, I had just found someone in the city to whom I could speak normal English and not have to speak super slow and now you also order her to speak Spanish to me’’ Lucy groaned jokingly

‘’Sorry babe, pero tienes que aprenderlo’’ Salma said. (you have to learn it)

Everyone laughed and got caught up back in their own conversations.

You held Lucy’s shoulder ‘’we can stick to English if you really want that, but I was just thinking if you would like I can tutor you in Spanish, I normally teach English but I can teach you Spanish’’

You didn’t wait for an answer and quickly went back to the bar to serve everyone their drinks before you slipped in the back and started on some long overdue tasks that your mom had asked you to do a month ago but that were just boring storage chores.

After a good hour you went back in the shop, you still heard the girls talking and no one had pushed the call button on the counter so you knew the team was still occupied, you were freezing because the last 15 minutes you had spent in the freezer room doing inventory. With the clip board you went back behind the counter, ticking everything in to the laptop that was stood open.

‘’Hello’’

You recognized the voice before you looked up, it was Lucy.

‘’hola guapa’’ you joked after seeing she was stood by herself.

‘’oh yeah, spanish, so you were serious on your offer?’’

‘’Que’’ you pretended to not know English anymore.

‘’Eh .. me gusta .. acepte  tu oferte .. oferta?.’’ (I would like to accept your offer about those lessons).

You smiled while you correct her ‘’Me gustaría aceptar tu oferta’’ “But okay, if we start doing lessons, we can keep Spanish for the lessons and stick to English for now”

‘’Thanks, it’s not fair really, the Spanish lessons I get are all about football and things around that, I cant really get by in real life with that knowledge’’ She huffed.

You got your phone out ‘’okay so when are you free, for me the weekend or evenings work best’’.

Lucy stared at you.

‘’The Spanish lesson?’’

‘’ah yeah’’ Lucy laughed nervously and also took her phone out of her pocket ‘’uhm, Saturday evening? I have a match in the afternoon so I have to rest after that,. but we can do it sitting down right?’’ She tried to joke but it came out sounding more cheeky then she had meant and she blushed immediately, ‘’I mean like we will not be running’’ she hastily added.

You laughed but replied bold ‘’Yes, we can do it sitting down and we will go really slow’’ but then added ‘’because fast Spanish is very hard to understand ofcourse’’.

Lucy got more at ease, realizing you didn’t mind her flirting even if it had come out unintentionally.

‘’Maybe we can text about the details?’’ Lucy asked handing her phone with the contacts open, ready for you to put your info in.

‘’Ah are you asking me for my number’’ you joked

‘’for educational purposes only’’ she stated ‘’and maybe to ask if the teacher would mind doing the lesson over some dinner?’’

‘’Dinner, that sounds nice’’ handing the phone back ‘’okay, just text me the details, I’ll be there, . with textbooks’’.

‘’Okay’’ Lucy said and turned around to go back to the tables.

You went back to the computer and wanted to get back to what you were doing until you heard her again.

‘’Oh I almost forgot I also came here to pay’’ she chuckled.

You laughed and typed something into the cash register before turning the card reader towards her. ´’easily distracted?’’

She typed in pin after tapping her card against the machine and murmured ‘’not easily but with pretty girls around, yes’’

‘’Oh I thought it was your adhd’’ you replied back

Lucy laughed ‘’oh yeah, maybe I should’ve gone with that’’

The register showed the little green check making clear that the payment was successful ‘’No, I think I like our little tradition,. Guapa’’ you said while handing her the receipt.

Lucy laughed ‘’Okay ill keep that in mind, thank you’’ while she took the receipt from you, her fingers brushed lightly against yours ‘’also thank you so much for staying open for us and making the kitchen dirty again, im sorry about that’’.

‘Haha, don’t worry, it was my pleasure, I hope everybody liked their food’’

 ////

The days went by pretty quickly, Lucy had texted you a few hours after the team had left the shop and after every time she had gotten a matcha latte she had texted you how good it was.

Today was matchday, also the day that you were going to teach her some Spanish over dinner.

Going from a teacher to a barista made you a bit more broke, a gap that you tried to overcome with some freelance tutoring and some translating jobs here and there, but one big improvement was the free time that had come with the change.

No more papers to grade, no more lessons to prepare. So now, just like every other weekend, you were done with breakfast and was thinking about what you could do this day.

After you had done some cleaning around the apartment, which was already pretty tidy and you had done the laundry, you suddenly thought about your ´date´ tonight, you plopped on your bed and texted your best friend.

@y/n: i met someone cute and tonight im gonna teach her Spanish , help what do I wear??

*incoming FaceTime*

You accepted laughing.

‘’What the actual fuck y/n!!’’ your best friend said.

‘’What?’’ You said, still laughing.

‘’No, don’t play games with me, I hear nothing for like two weeks from you, the last time we spoke was at the gym if I remember correctly, and here I was thinking, oh im sure she’s busy with some project again, damn maybe even helping out her mom, and now I find out you were withholding me from this information, share the details, now!!’’

‘’Hahaha, Im sorry, you know how I get, I forget everything around me when im busy’’

‘’yeah okay, now hurry up tell me everything’’

‘’I love that about our friendship, that we—

‘’Y/N! who , what, where, when? ‘’

‘’Okay okay, I met her in the coffee shop, she came in one day and since then she came in everyday, I found out she just moved here from England for her job, first I didn’t know what she did, then I found out she is a football player, because she told me, and a few weeks later she didn’t come in that morning but in the afternoon the whole team came in because they hadn’t eaten yet, so I took em in, while the shop was closed, then they were teasing her a bit about having to learn Spanish faster even though she just came to this country, and she does not even bad, I mean she has the accent under control, but she told me she is half Portuguese and also she speaks French…

You looked at your phone again, halfway through your ramble you had started staring out the window as you spoke, now you saw your best friend looking at you with her mouth open.

‘’what?’’ you asked ‘’did I say something crazy?’’

‘’Lucy Bronze?’’ She asked ‘’I think you spoke with Lucy Bronze’’

‘’Yeah she is called Lucy, funny how do you know that, although,, the team calls her Lucia actually and… she told me.. I could call her guapa’’.

‘’Wow, I mean, I know you said the Barca player visit your shop, hell, I even met some off them when I was there, but like, damn, you picked up one, and I will tell you how I know her name, she is one off the best players in the world, y/n damn, she won best player of the world did you even know that, also what? Guapa?’’

You explained everything with even more detail and when your friend was finally happy with everything she knew, she asked ‘’so you know she has a game this afternoon right?’’

‘’Yeah’’ you said ‘’I will watch that I guess, if I figure out how I can, you watch It right, can you explain how I can watch that, is it a tv channel?’’

‘’Bruh’’ your friend scolded ‘’I have tried to convince you so many times to watch with me, and now one hottie comes around and you do it in a second’’

‘’You should’ve told me the players were hot , I just thought you were watching for your PE teacher reasons, inspiration for your classes or something’’ you said.

‘’You have them in your shop every week y/n, you see by yourself how they look’’

‘’yeah I just hadn’t thought about it like that’’ you said ‘’wait what did you say her name was again, im on my laptop on Instagram, I want to look at her page’’

‘’Lucy B .. R.. O .. N..

‘’Ah, got it’’ you called out ‘’woah, she has a lot of followers jeez, hey you follow her’’

‘’Yeah, ever since she played at Lyon, that was really her prime, she was so good, she still is, but you know her age and everything..’’

‘’Age?’’ you asked ‘’and everything?’’

‘’She has had like 7 knee operations, and she is 31 I believe, in football that’s old., wait actually she is 31.. isn’t that a bit old for you?’’’

You thought about it ‘’well im 25, so I guess that’s fine, damn, is she really that old? She made a younger impression, hadn’t guessed’’

‘’haha, you should tell her that, in that order too, no actually I think I once saw in an interview that her age was a sensitive point for her, so maybe don't bring it up’’

You laughed ‘’pfft, im not not going to talk about such things, if her ego is to big or she has weird quirks im out’’ ‘’she is hot tho, damn, I scrolled down to far I think, Im now seeing a bikini pic, she has abs for days damn..’’

‘’well she sure is fit’’ your best friend said ‘’if I were gay I would want to bang her too’’

‘’Oh mierda’’ you called out ‘’fuck I liked it accidentally’’

Your best friend was dying of laughter ‘’guess she will very clearly know your intentions now’’

‘’Okay I followed her also and liked the top three pics as well, she probably wont even notice, with so many followers she surely wont have notifications on right?’’

‘’Yeah true’’ your friend said, serious again.

*@never2old4lionking started following you*

‘’huh’’ you said

‘’what’’

‘’some -never too old for lionking- followed me, its an account with like 550 followers and 500 following, im guessing it’s a) Lucy herself or  b) a lucy stalker, what do you think?’’

‘’yeah stalker probably,, or maybe its like an secret account, because she is famous and all that, she cant follow her side chicks on her main’’

‘’Oh shut up’’ you huffed ‘’you pest, you-

You got interrupted by a dm, ‘’wait they send me something’’

@never2old4lionking: hola, you like my pictures? -L (maybe better known as guapa to you)

‘’OMG , it is her! Look’’ you screamed, and showed your laptop screen to your phone.

‘’Wow, reply!’’ your friend said ‘’just say you were curious about how you could watch the game because you don’t know how too and that’s why you looked her up’’

‘’Okay, lame excuse, but my brain is currently not working’’ you sighed as you typed something like that to Lucy.

@never2old4lionking: aw here I was, thinking you fancied me, and you were just looking for dodgy streaming links ☹

@y/n: why do think I was looking up how to watch, I have never watched a game, never knew there were hot people involved

@never2old4lionking: I thought you said the players are regulars at the coffee shop

@y/n: Do you have a link or what?

@never2old4lionking: I have tickets?

@y/n: what?

@never2old4lionking: its an at home game, so its around the block, just come and watch irl,

@never2old4lionking: I’ve heard the players look even better irl than on the screen 😉

@y/n: well if you put it like that..

@never2old4lionking: 1 or 2 tickets?

@y/n: I thought you were playing 😉

@never2old4lionking: hahah, your so funny! I mean do you want to take a friend with you?

‘’Say yes, say yes’’ your friend practically screamed as she heard you reading the conversation out loud while typing.

‘’Okay then’’

@y/n: ah, yes that would be nice, I have a PE teacher friend, they love football, she would be thrilled

@never2old4lionking: okay, I’ll send the e-tickets to you on WhatsApp, you sit In the friends and family section, ill try if I can spot you!

@y/n: watching my first football game live and in the family&friends section is something I would’ve never guessed

@never2old4lionking: first- like ever????

@y/n: yeah? Something wrong?

@never2old4lionking: yes? You have a friend that loves football, as you say, and you have never watched??

‘’See, I like her already, I told you sooooo manyyy times, just watch’’ your friend said excited.

‘’I can stop reading?’’

‘’ No no, okay ill shut up’’

@y/n: yeah, she asked me so many times to watch with her, she will probably either kill me when I tell her this or she’ll be your biggest fan, for getting me to watch

@never2old4lionking: hope the latter, need you alive tonight x

@y/n: yes exactly, Spanish lessons are v important ! I’ll tell her that.

@never2old4lionking: okay, ill see you soon, if anything doesn’t work just say you come for me, ill put your names on my list of guests

You shared your and your friends name and put your laptop off and away, ‘’ so now we can go back to what I was texting you about originally , outfits, but now thanks to you I have an extra event, not only teaching spanish  but also watching her play, I don’t even have a barca shirt’’

‘’which is crazy by the way’’ your friend interrupted you ‘’but I have three, so you can borrow one, do you want a training shirt, a shirt with my name on the back or Putellas?’’

‘’Who is Putellas’’

‘’omg, wait ill send you a picture’’

…

‘’oh her!, yeah I like her, she asked if they could sit in the café, she is polite’’

‘’that’s the team captain- , ugh y/n I love you so much, do you know how many people would lose their shit by what just happened, getting tickets to watch them from an actual player’’

‘’okay calm down, they’re just people, and they happen to have a special job, but should I behave different then?’’

‘’no no, I think this only happens to you because you are so pure’’ your best friend said

‘’oh come on’’ you called out ‘’just say thank you for the ticket, not all this soppy shit please’’

////

After your friend and you had hung up, your mom had called if you wanted to eat at your parents tonight, you briefly explained the situation, telling her you were eating dinner at someone else’s house and the plan about teaching her some Spanish.

But your mother saw right through you as usual, "so a date" she said excitedly ‘’wait you should bring desert, I made tiramisu, ill drop it off right now’’

Before you could even begin to form an answer she had hung up, 15 minutes later your doorbell rang and a bit after that your mom was gone again and you had an entire glass tray of tiramisu in your fridge.

You texted her thanks with a red heart, knowing she was the best mother you could ever wish for.

Your mom replied, ‘’good luck, she’s cute, hope it goes well’’

You didn't understand why your mother would know she was 'cute' but replied 'thanks'

////

Your friend and you had gotten through all the entrances and security and were finally sitting on the seats assigned to you. You were both wearing a denim skirt and an FC Barcelona shirt.

The team was doing a warm up and there was music blasting trough the speakers ‘’damn’’ you said to your friend ‘’was it always such a spectacle, they are putting on a whole show’’

‘’I mean live in the stadium it’s a show yes, honestly I should’ve thought of this sceme wayyy earlier, what a master plan! You flirt with players, we get to go to the matches for free’’ she laughed.

‘’you can forget it bitch’’ you said pushing her side

‘’what’’ she innocently said ‘’if Bronze doesn’t work out you could try Putellas, she is fruity too, and your already wearing her name’’ she laughed at that last part.

You pushed your friend again ‘’well shut up otherwise this’ll be the first and last time , I didn’t want to wear your name, what if she thought you were my girlfriend’’ you fake gagged.

Now it was your friends turn to push you ‘there was another option you know, the training one’’.

‘’Okay maybe I want to provoke her a bit’’ you admitted.

Your friend looked at you stunned not even knowing what to say.

‘’what?’’ you shrugged ‘’it will be funny, and if not, then I know I wont have to waste time on her’’.

‘’And you wonder why you are single?’’

////

Your friends hand waved before your eyes , you blinked.

‘’hellooo y/n’’ ‘’ the ball is on the other side of the field you know’’ she whispered.

FC Barcelona was 4 nil ahead and currently in ball possession, but that was indeed not what you were looking at, you were looking at nr.15 who had pulled her shirt up to wipe her sweaty face and was now running forward again.

‘’Damn, did you see her abs’’ you quietly said

‘’Bruh y/n, since when are you such a horny mf’’ she quietly replied.

‘’Its been a while okay, but also she’s very hot, it cant just be me’’

‘’No there are thousands of thirstraps made about her’’ your friend laughed.

‘the what what?’’

‘’huh’’ she now looked at you ‘’you don’t know what those are?, oh you are in for a treat!’’

She quickly showed you some things on her phone.

‘’NO’’ you held a hand before your eyes ‘’í cant be watching this, this is not okay, I am supposed to meet the woman in a few hours, sit next to her and all that, eat dinner, teaching her Spanish, damn’’

‘’sorry’’ your friend said, putting her phone away and holding her hands in the air.

‘’Wait can I see it one more time’’.

‘’Nahhhh’’ she laughed, ‘’you are right, you have to act normal later, just watch her here, look’’

And you were just in time to see her score with an header assisted with a corner shot from Guijarro.

////

That evening, after you had changed at home, you rang Lucy’s doorbell with a stack of books in your hands.

‘’Hello pretty lady, come in’’ Lucy called trough the intercom.

On the table there was paella, you were sure she had ordered it, even recognizing were she had ordered it, because you loved that shop too.

‘’Sorry I didn’t have time to cook, I had this thing this afternoon’’ Lucy joked.

‘’Ah, no worries, I had a busy afternoon myself’’ you joked back.

‘’Yeah I tried to look for you but sadly didn’t see you, you did come right?’’

‘’Ofcourse, wouldn’t want to miss that header of yours, wait’’ you said as you got your phone ‘’ill show you pictures’’

You showed her the pictures of you and your friend, you paused when it was a photo with your back visible, look we had a really good view, ‘’thanks again for the tickets, my friend had the best time also’’.

‘’Nice shirt’’ lucy grinned ‘’didn’t have a better one?’’

‘’To be honest, I borrowed this shirt from my friend, I don’t own any football shirts'' you grinned ''but whats wrong with it, you don’t like your captains shirt?’’

‘’No you look good, bet you’ll look even better with Bronze on the back’’ Lucy said still grinning.

‘’Hm, I’ll think about it, maybe if she scores more beautiful goals like that, I’ll walk past the Barca store and grab one’’. You said, acting unbothered.

‘’Okay okay, challenge accepted, next goal I score, you will wear a Bronze shirt’’.

‘’Sure’’ you laughed.

////

The evening went on, the two of you ate and practiced some Spanish, the books hadn’t been opened at all, it was more like Lucy said sentences and you translated them into Spanish and she repeated them to you and then used them in context.

‘’And what is -you played well today-‘’ Lucy asked

‘’Do you just want me to say that to you?’’ you laughed

‘no no’ Lucy laughed ‘now it sounds really bad, yeah no, I want to say it to Aitana, she cant speak english at all really, now i just say bien bien bien to her every second, feeling like a fool’’..

‘’ah okay, its ‘‘jugaste bien hoy’’ you laughed.

Lucy said it a few times, you looked at her nodding because her pronunciation was perfect.

The two of you were sat at the same side of the table, turned in your seats, facing each other.

Then she said ‘’I really want to kiss you right now’’

‘’Okay, I don’t even want to know who you’ll be saying that to’’ you joked, but its "Tengo muchas ganas de besarte ahora mismo". You looked her in her eyes.

‘’si, me too’’ Lucy grinned as she leaned in.

You accepted the initiation and pressed your lips against hers. She tasted amazing and also a bit like the paella you just ate. She placed her hands on you, trying to get you closer. You obliged and scooted forward. After the gentle exploration of each others mouths you pulled away slowly ‘’hmm, that was nice’’ you said, smiling at her.

Lucy nodded and smiled back ‘’very'', ''and just for clarification, that last sentence I did just wanted you to say to me''. She said while turning her chair, so she had the back rest in her back again but was still facing you.

You leaned in again, smiling against her lips you whispered ‘’I figured’’ and you kissed her again.

//

Her hands found your hips again, trying to pull you even closer to her, which wasn’t possible because your legs where already pushed against hers. The kiss deepened and you had your hand on the back of Lucy’s head. She was still pulling you towards her, you pulled from her mouth and kissed along her jaw. ‘’Come here’’ Lucy said with a heavy voice. ‘’Are you sure?, aren’t your legs like… tired and in need for a rest?’’ you whispered in her ear and kissed it softly.

Lucy laughed and held your face in front of hers ‘’thank you for caring but I really want you to sit on my lap,’’ ‘if you want that too ofcourse’’

You got up on her lap ‘’I haven’t learned you a lot of Spanish and now I’m disturbing your recovery, I hope I don’t have a bad influence on you..’’ you said in a seducing voice pointing a finger in her chest.

‘’Well, it sounds bad when you list it like that, luckily the dinner went well, but maybe we should make an extra effort for dessert’’ she wiggled her eyebrows at you on the last part.

‘’Mierda!’’ you said as you stood up. ‘’Shit, dessert’’

‘’I’m sorry’’ she looked a bit shocked ‘’did I take it too far, too fast?’’

You took her hand and said ‘’no, no, sorry for scaring you, I just remembered when you said dessert, that I forgot the dessert, its still in my fridge at home, mom made it and wanted me to bring it’’.

‘’You talked with your mom about me?’’ she grinned as she stood up.

‘’yeah, well no, I said I was going to eat dinner somewhere else when she asked me to eat at home, and then she filled in herself that it was a date and then she dropped off a tiramisu and emphasized that I had to take it with me because she was sure my date would like it’’ you rolled your eyes at that last part ‘’but I forgot so I don’t even know why I bring it up’’.

‘’ugh, I love Elena’’ Lucy said ‘your mom is actually amazing you know’’.

‘’huhhh, how do you know my moms name???’’

Lucy chuckled ‘’the beautiful lady behind the counter in the weekends? Oh you know, we talk about our shared interests’’

‘’Like?’’ you asked, faking a stern look at Lucy.

Lucy chuckled again and closed the gap between the two of you ‘’just food, nice weather and you know.. you’’. She laughed ‘’funny story actually, this morning she asked me If I wanted to eat dinner with her and her husband, eh your dad, because I had inspired her to make tiramisu again but she had made 2 trays accidentally and now she had to much, but I said to her that I really liked the offer but that I had a dinner date tonight, but that wanted a raincheck, but that she didn’t understand,,.. speaking of that, how do I explain raincheck in Spanish’’

You laughed and gave her a quick kiss ‘’wait now her text makes sense’’.

‘’what did she say’’ Lucy asked excitedly.

‘’She’s cute, hope it goes well, . I wondered how she could ever know’’ when you saw her cocky smile you pushed her to her chest ‘’don’t let it go to your head stupid’’.

‘’Soooo, are we going to yours?’’ She asked.

‘’Well I guess if you want that dessert, then yeah’’ you said ‘’but the dessert you were talking about just now also sounds kinda good?’’  

She gasped jokingly ‘’kinda good, you mean amazing, mind blowing, indescribable?’’

You laughed ‘’woooww, cocky much?’’

‘’Well I guess we should go to yours, then have both and you can rate it yourself’’ Lucy grinned.

////

The two of you were making out in the elevator but then the ‘ding’ sounded, that indicated you had reached the top floor, the floor of your apartment.

You had an apartment in the center of Barcelona, a quaint old building with nice high ceilings.

You opened the door and dropped your keys in the bowl that stood on the cupboard in the hallway.

‘’Wow’’ Lucy chimed ‘’this is nice, your place has so much character’’.

Your place had dark oak floors, and the accents of your interior were dark green with gold and orange accessories, there were plants here and there, including in the kitchen, where there were plants with edible leaves such as basil and chives. It was pleasantly cool in the apartment, not because of air conditioning but because the walls were so thick and all the window shutters had been closed all day.

‘’yeah i love this place, bought it a year ago through an acquaintance, I was really lucky getting it’’

Lucy smiled at you ‘’show me around?’’

////

After a while of looking at your view from the roof terrace you stood back in your bedroom, the air between the two of you thick with unanswered lust, as she stretched as you closed the balcony door you saw her abs as her t- shirt lifted up a little, she was wearing a t-shirt and shorts, and you saw an edge of her underwear, she was wearing boxers, - god - you thought to yourself - she's so incredibly attractive- and you couldn't help but I thought back to the thirst trap your best friend had shown you that afternoon.

You left the key in the door and walked over to her "where were we" you said softly in her ear as your hand disappeared under her shirt.

‘’hmm’’ she groaned as you placed wet kisses from her ear to her neck.

She picked you up and walked to your bed, "I believe we were kissing in the elevator, but I guess we can continue here."

Lucy sat on the edge of the bed with you on your lap, you pulled her shirt over her head, she wanted to do this to you too but you stopped her when you suddenly remembered that you hadn't put on any sexy underwear at all, you had wearing comfortable underwear that you had been wearing all day and when you changed to go to Lucy's for dinner you had only changed your clothes.

‘’Wait’’ you said ‘’i- im, I think im a bit underdressed’’ and your cheeks got red.

Lucy laughed ‘’and I thought your English was perfect, do you mean overdressed? because that's exactly what I wanted to help you with’’

You chuckled and held her shoulders, then you spoke in an uncertain voice ‘I mean my underwear, I’m wearing an ugly pair, I hadn’t really planned this far ahead’’.

Lucy brushed some hair out of your face, ''what do you want me to do, I'm sure whatever you wear you look perfect, but if you want me to do something or nothing, just say so, just talk to me pretty girl’’

You looked down and saw Lucy's beautiful body, she was wearing a black bra that fit perfectly around her breasts and below that her bulging abs were visible ‘’is it stupid if I put on lingerie now and then come back to you?’’

‘’I mean, you don’t have to do it for me, but if it gives you confidence I’m all for it’’ Lucy said as she took your hands from her shoulders ‘’or I can just undress you very quickly with my eyes closed’’ she smirked.

‘’Oh really, you don’t want to see, is that how much you care?’’ You teased pretending to be offended and crossing your arms.

She tickled you , making you squirm in her lap, you ducked to the side, onto the bed, and tried to crawl away from her.

‘’Okay okay, I surrender!!!’’ you screamed out laughing into the bed, almost running out of oxygen.

She rolled off of you and was now lying next to you on her side, you also turned to your side and you looked at each other, when your eyes met you both burst out laughing.

You stood up and she looked at you confused, ''give me one second'' you said to her, while quickly pulling a dark blue lingerie set from your closet drawer and disappearing into the bathroom.

That evening you wore tanned shorts and a matching blouse, both made of linen, with a very light green tank top underneath. You quickly took it all off and put on the blue set, then you just put your blouse over it, not caring to put on the pants and top anymore.

You opened the sliding bathroom door again and saw Lucy now lying straight on the bed, leaning on her elbows, with an expectant look in your direction. When she saw you, without pants, she sat up. You already walked over to her and climbed onto the bed until you were sitting on her lap again, for the third time this evening.

When your blouse, which you had not buttoned, fell open, her eyes took in your body.

''It's rude to stare'' you whispered as her gaze was still rested on your body.

She looked up, and you swore you recognized a twinkle in her eyes, ‘’sorry’’ Lucy said ‘’we talked about this before, pretty girls being distracting and all that’’.

You kissed her and pushed her back, forcing her to lay down again, after a hungry kiss your lips wandered to her jaw, neck, chest, then you removed her bra, she quickly cooperated.

You licked her nipples and placed some kisses along both boobs. You kissed lower and lower and landed at her stomach. You licked the lines of her toned muscles and sloppely kissed all the way to her hip bones.

She was still wearing pants, when you looked up you saw Lucy leaning on her elbows watching what you were doing, you raised your eyebrows as a form of asking for consent, she nodded eagerly, her eyes were full of lust and her pupils were dilated.

You undid the button of her pants and unzipped them, she already lifted her hips up to give you room to take off the shorts. Then you saw the black Calvin Klein boxers, with the white elastic band that you had seen a small glimpse of before, a dark spot was visible between her legs.

You placed your hands on the inside of her thighs and leaned towards her face for another kiss.

When your tongue slipped inside her mouth and your hands went a little higher up on her legs, she let out a low moan.

She tried to push the blouse you were still wearing off your shoulders, you took it off while you were still kissing and flung it somewhere next to the bed, you took of her underpants.

Lucy tried to flip the two of you ‘’nuh uh’’ you laughed after you broke the kiss and looked at her. ‘’don’t be impatient, let me make you feel good’’. You repositioned yourself so only one of your legs was in between Lucy’s and as you started kissing her neck again you pushed your knee against her core. Lucy groaned and her hips started moving, searching for some friction.

Leaving a trail of kisses along her body, you find yourself between her legs, you kissed her hips, thighs, groin, slowly working to her aching, throbbing pussy.

Lucy's hand found its place in your hair, she didn't hold it very tight but tight enough to direct your head to where she needed it most.

You decided you had teased her enough and started working with your tongue, after a few minutes she was a moaning mess, you licked her clit and also wanted to use your hand to satisfy her but you didn't know if she would like that so you looked up and asked "can I use my fingers?"

Lucy, who had laid her head down on the pillow, looked at you between her legs, your chin was glistening and there was a glint of lust in your eyes, which combined with you asking for consent could make her cum on the spot.

‘’mhmm’’ lucy moaned, her eyes rolling back ‘’please y/n, use your fingers’’.

In a few minutes you made her come, you had noticed that she wasn't really loud in the bedroom, well, of course you hadn't seen that much yet but so far it was only low groans and moans and the few words they had exchanged, you found it exciting when she had said your name and wanted to hear more.

So as you worked Lucy through her orgasm, you started to build up again, moving your fingers from circling her clit, back to inside her. Deserving a moan.

You brought your mouth back to her clit and hummed against it tasting her again. You sucked and licked, trying to discern from her reactions what made her feel best.

You took your time slowly working her up again, taking into account that she was still sensitive from the first orgasm.

When you found a good rhythm and did something that really worked for lucy, her grip on your hair tightened, "like that y/n’’ she said in a shrill voice.

Hearing your name from her mouth again was exactly what you needed and you pushed her over the edge again.

This time she came harder than the last, her legs clenched around your face, after her high, you gradually slowed your rhythm and cleaned her with your tongue.

You crawled up, because you wanted to kiss her again, and saw that she had a hand in front of her face, you pulled it aside and saw her with a completely blown out face, her cheeks were pink, her forehead was clammy and her eyes held complete bliss.

‘’Can I kiss you’’ you asked, not knowing if she would want to taste herself.

She looked at you smiling ‘’Of course you can, pretty girl’’.

..

‘’So… tiramisu?’’ Lucy asked as she pulled away from the kiss slowly regaining her consciousness.

‘’yeah’’ you said with a little disappointment in your voice, secretly hoping that she would give you something in return.

Lucy laughed, she had hoped this would be your reaction, now knowing that you wanted her as much as she wanted you, she said ''because I need some fuel for later'' and gave you one more kiss.

..

You threw a t-shirt and some briefs at her and walked to the kitchen, you were still wearing the blue underwear yourself, you put up your hair in a bun but you didn't put any clothes back on, enjoying Lucy's eyes roaming your body.

The cool air in the kitchen made your nipples hard, while you grabbed the tiramisu from the fridge and served it up, Lucy sat down at the cooking island on one of the stools.

"This feels like a dream" she said swooning, you looked up and asked "a dream?"

"Yes" she said, her eyes glued to your breasts "I'm in Barcelona with the prettiest lady I've ever seen, who just made me cum twice and now she's serving me the best tiramisu I will ever eat."

You laughed ‘’first of all, my eyes are up here’’ Lucy looked at you smugly ‘’and second of all , you haven’t even taste-

Before she could say another word Lucy had put a spoon full of the dessert into her mouth, her eyes rolled back dramatically and she moaned ‘’soooo delicious, definitelyy the best tiramisu I've eeever had’’.

You couldn't suppress your laugh, ''okay, even better, I was going to rate the two desserts, remember?’’ ‘’You don't like losing right, so you'll have to try your very best’’ you teased.

‘’i guess so’’ she smirked.

…

When you put the tray back in the refrigerator and put the plates in the dishwasher and was getting a cloth to wipe the counter, you felt Lucy coming up behind you.

She kissed your neck, while her hands held your hips, she whispered against your skin "I'm full of energy again" she kissed you just behind your ear, you shivered "how are you feeling?" Lucy asked.

‘’g- great’’ you muttered as Lucy pressed her front into your back.

‘’I forgot were your bedroom was, could you show me again’’ she whispered.

You giggled and turned around in her arms "got distracted during the tour?"

‘’Yeah like I told you before, pretty girls and all that’’ Lucy said to you and kissed you, she tasted like cacao and cream, you jumped a little when you were suddenly lifted up and grabbed onto Lucy tightly ‘’I got you’’ she said.

She walked you to the bed and carefully laid you down, you grinned at her.

‘’What?’’ Lucy asked suddenly a bit shy.

‘’You apparently knew where the bedroom was after all, I hope pretty girl wasn’t a lie..’’ you fake pouted.

‘’such a pretty girl’’ Lucy said as she sat on her knees between your legs, she looked at your breasts while her hands trailed up and down your thighs.

‘’do you like them?’’ you chuckled.

Lucy shifted her gaze to meet your eyes, she looked confused ‘’them?’’

‘’My tits’’ you said placing a hand on your chest ‘’you keep looking at them’’ you say still chuckling.

‘’hmm I don’t know, I haven’t met them properly’’ Lucy said resting her eyes back on your boobs.

 That statement turned your chuckle into a laugh, you sat up a bit more and took of your bra, you laid down again, pulling a pillow under your head.

Lucy looked eagerly and repositioned herself so she could reach your nipples with her mouth.

…

She slowly kissed her way down, you felt the air on the wet trail left behind, you thought it took way too long, Lucy took her time and seemed to kiss every inch of your body except where you wanted it most right now.

The goosebumps all over your body and the palpitations between your legs were almost too much, Lucy looked up at you, as your back arched and saw your frustrated look.

“Let's finally take this off,” she said as her fingers pulled at the sides of your thong, you lifted your ass off the bed so quickly that she laughed and she imitated what you had said to her earlier that night ‘’don’t be impatient, let me make you feel good’’.

‘’Impatient?’’ you moaned ‘’I waited all damn day’’.

‘’All evening’’, she tried to correct you.

You shook your head, ‘’no, you knew what you were doing when you lifted your shirt during warm up’’ you said pretending to be frustrated.

‘’hmmm, told you it was hotter irl’’ she laughed as she took her shirt off.

Your gaze immediately trailed to her abs.

‘’And you called me out for staring’’ she gasped ‘’don’t burn holes in them please’’ she joked as she put her hands before your eyes and kissed you.

A moan escaped your throat as the kiss became hotter and her hands were no longer in front of your eyes but everywhere else on your body.

She lowered herself to your pulsating heat, gliding two fingers between your labia she looked at you. You nodded eagerly and bit your lip.

She teased your entrance with her fingers and pushed one in slowly, your head fell back on the pillow and you closed your eyes to be able to put all your focus on the sensations that overtook your body.

As she slowly pumped in and out she kissed your inner thigh, you groaned from the extra sensation.

When Lucy felt you were ready for it she entered you with a second finger earning her another moan from you, she watched your reaction closely and had figured your body out quit quickly.

With her tongue on your clit and her fingers working magic you were almost coming undone already, she looked up at you ‘’don’t hold back y/n, come for me pretty girl’’ she cooed.

When her mouth was back on your sensitive button it didn't take long before the knot in your abdomen untied and you felt your orgasm ripple through your entire body.

She lapped up your orgasm and looked at you from in between your legs.

That image sparked a new hunger within you and you were ready to continue, you looked at her with longing in your eyes.

She came up to kiss you, but before your lips touched she asked "would you like to sit on my face now?"

You gulped and almost ran out of breath to answer ''yeah'', you answered breathing heavily from anticipation and the aftermath of the orgasm you had just had.

She kissed you and steered your body so that you were sitting on her lap again, it was so effortless, lucy was very strong, it turned you on how it felt like you weighed nothing to her.

You moaned into her mouth as you tasted yourself on her tongue.

..

You were holding the headboard as you were riding Lucy’s face, she seemed to be just as lost in the action as you were, she held you down with her hands, squeezing your ass, making you lean even deeper on her face.

You had thrown your head back and the noises you produced excited Lucy even more.

She moaned beneath you, the vibrations of that making you feel even better than you already did.

When you rutted against her face a couple more times, you came again, you rode out your high and when you felt Lucy's grip loosen you got off and laid down next to her on the bed.

Your chest rose and fell violently as you tried to catch your breath again.

Next to you, Lucy was now laying on her side, looking at you with her head resting on her hand.

You turned so that you were now lying on your side as well.

She took your hand in hers, brushing your fingers with hers ‘’was it good?’’

‘’hmm, very’’ you said closing your eyes.

She kissed your neck and your chest again ‘’ready for more’’ she asked against your skin.

You were actually quite tired already, but your hunger for more off Lucy was greater than that.

You moaned as she took a nipple into her mouth, her hand travelling further down, she entered you again, with two fingers, not just one first to let you get used to it like before.

You felt the tension in your core building up again, Lucy had an effect on you that you had never had with anyone else, just by seeing her you got impossibly turned on

She positioned herself so that she was thrusting her lower body with her hand, the fingers of which were inside you.

Now that she was sitting up straighter you had a perfect view of her abdominal muscles that flexed with every movement.

The ungodly pace she maintained, that made you feel like your body was leaving itself, floating on a cloud of pleasure, could possibly only be achieved by professional athletes, and you were amazed that she managed to do this even after 90 minutes of playing.

When she reached for your clit with her other hand and stimulated it exactly how you needed it, you came for the third time that evening.

But it was a different feeling, it overtook you, you were completely disconnected from the world and swallowed up by a sensation of pleasure that you had never felt before.

You felt so much wetness between your legs that you thought you had peed yourself, you felt it gushing out of you and when Lucy pulled out her fingers only to dip her head in, you couldn’t control they way your body reacted.

You head flung back and you arched your back, your hips jolted.

Lucy played into it and tried to push you over the edge again without overstimulating you.

It worked because you felt it happened again, this time your liquid gushed all over the lower part of Lucy's face who was still not moving away.

You were a moaning mess and you couldn't feel parts of your body, you felt too weak to push her away but you couldn't take any more.

Just as you were about to try and talk she stopped and was now placing soft kisses on you, all the way back up and she ended with a kiss on your forehead before plopping herself down next to you.

You summoned every bit of energy within yourself to turn towards her and lay down against her, half on top of her, with your head on her chest.

Her hand was on your back and every now and then she trailed a light pattern on your skin with her nails.

After a couple more minutes of blissful silence she spoke ‘’how do you feel?’’.

‘’Hmmm’’ you uttered not quite being able to speak just yet.

‘’Do you have a bathtub?’’ she asked you.

You moved your head against her chest and made a noise, you were sure she wouldn't understand but she gently got out from under you and walked to the bathroom.

…

After you heard the bath running for a while, and hearing other noises you thought were from lucy looking for some clothes and towels, you saw lucy nearing you again.

You smiled at her, having regained some of your bodily functions again.

‘’Hey pretty girl’’ she said softly ‘’ready for a bath?’’

‘’Only if you join me’’ you said cheekily, you stood up and intended to walk to your bathroom only to find yourself stumbling over your own feet.

‘’woah’’ Lucy said as she caught you ‘’wait let me help’’.

You yelped as she easily lifted you of the ground and walked you to the bath, she lowered you in carefully ‘’is the temperature good?’’ she asked.

‘’Perfect’’ you say ‘’are you coming in too?’’ looking at her expectantly.

‘’In a second pretty girl’’ she said a placed a kiss on you forehead ‘’were do you keep you bed sheets?’’

Your cheeks became redder then a tomato as you told her were she could find clean bedding.

‘Heyyy’’ Lucy said while cupping your face ‘’your not embarrassed are you?’’

You looked away ‘’yeah I am a little bit, it felt like I wedded the bed and just now tripping over my own feet, that was also kinda embarrassing’’.

‘’No, don’t be please, you just squirted and your legs will work again after the bath’’ Lucy smiled at you ‘’don’t be embarrassed pretty girl, it was very hot’’.

…

After the bath the two of you were drying off and Lucy asked, "Do you want me to go or stay?"

You looked at her in surprise ''stay of course’’ .. ‘’or did you want to leave?’’

‘’No’’ Lucy said ‘’I really like to be with you’’

‘’Is this some weird way of saying the sex was good’’ you joked

Lucy laughed ‘’no, but I’m glad you feel that way, I meant that.. I .. I if we .. would you’’.

‘’Oh spit it out’’ you laughed at Lucy getting lost for words ‘’ for a lady who just did all that, you can't be get all shy now’’ you poked her side causing her to drop her towel.

She quickly pulled it back up and around her and grinned ‘’do you want to date me?’’

You were still laughing about her nervousness but hearing the question you dropped your jaw ‘’you would want to date me?’’ you asked suspiciously.

She looked at you questioningly, and then a grin came on her face, ‘’yes I need unlimited desserts’’.

‘’’woowwww,  you could just befriend my mom you know’ .. ‘’don’t need to date me for that’’ you scoffed.

‘’Well yes, those desserts too ofcourse , but they can not teach me Spanish’’ she said, still wearing that shit eating grin.

You gasped exaggeratedly and reached for your heart ‘’is that all I am to you, a Spanish teaching dessert’’.

‘’well I mean, we said you would give ratings but if I may take the liberty to compare only the flavors, I don't know which would win, tiramisu on a close second I think’’ she winked at you.

You were too stunned to speak.

She went on ‘’but if we discuss the complete picture, the tiramisu obviously doesn't come anywhere close’’

‘’You have such a way with words’’ you say ‘’such a way with everything’’.

‘’Thanks?’’ she laughed ‘’ I hope it’s a compliment?’’

‘’Yes, it’s a compliment, it’s the reason why I say yes to your question’’.

[lexisecretaccx]

A+ Student Pt 7

Masterlist!

(Fem reader, angst, smut, more car sex😭🙏 , argument, drama, it all goes down bro, etc, not proofread!)

Summary: Y/n is a great student in her college, always getting good grades. Her college professor Matt, thinks she can get even higher ones with some “extra credit.” That is until she meets her new gym teacher..

I look at my phone blankly, not answering it. The call disappears off of my screen and I breathe out finally. Until it rings again, he’s desperate to reach me, I let it ring a third time and then I pick it up and answer it. “Hello?” I hesitate. A sigh leaves the other end of the phone.

“Matt?” I ask, “You’ve made me so fucking angry y/n.” He speaks lowly. “I- uh how?” I’m nervous, I don’t know why. He chuckles sarcastically, “You know why.” He breathes in, “You need to pay for what you did. You’re a little slut.” He hisses, even though he’s clearly upset I can’t help but get turned on by the way he’s speaking to me.

I swallow harshly, “How would I pay for what I did?” I ask, my core aching. “You deserve a punishment, a.. detention perhaps.” He seems like he’s being flirty but he still sounds angry and that is a hot combination. “Okay when should I have a detention professor?” I tease him, “don’t enjoy this y/n. I’ll hang up if you fucking enjoy this shit.. you’re a slut you know that?” He huffs in frustration.

“We both know that Matt.” I speak seductively and smirk, he can’t see it but you know. “Fuck..” he groans, “I’ll tell you something.” I start to speak, “what?” He replies and I chuckle softly, “I think you’re only mad because your brother has fucked me twice and he’s only know me for a short while and you? You’ve been my professor for the past year and you’ve only been able to eat me out. Hm?”

“I couldn’t care less y/n,” he sighs, “I’m fucking pissed off because..” he stops speaking, “because I left yours after you basically forced me out and then I fucked Chris?” I’m having fun winding him up. “Yes that and also because you don’t have a fucking clue about Chris.” He speaks coldly.

“What about him?” I’m confused, “I can’t tell you on the phone it’s easier to speak in person, I want to see your face.” I sigh, “well I’ll meet you tomorrow?” I wanna know what he’s talking about “I can’t tomorrow, grading papers, Sunday?” He really wants to tell me something I can tell, “yeah sure.”

We talk for another minute before hanging up, what the fuck is he talking about? I’ll have to see him on Sunday, wait shit! I forgot to ask Lizzy if she was okay. I pull out my phone and call her. Luckily she answers quickly, “Liz you okay? I’m so sorry I didn’t reply.” She laughs lightly, “yeah it’s all good now, my parents were arguing and I just needed somewhere to go.”

“If I was home I would’ve let you come over, where did you go in the end?” “Just to a friend’s house, where were you then?” I need to lie I don’t want her to know about what went on. “I was out with my dad.”

Me and her talk back and forth until she has to go.

Sunday

My alarm goes off and I struggle to grab my phone to shut it off. “Fuck..” I groan out of tiredness, it’s 8:30am and after 10 minutes of procrastinating wether I should go back to sleep I get out of bed and hop in the shower, still not fully awake so I’m stumbling.

I do my everything shower and get into my room to get dressed, I pick a basic ass pair of sweats and a tight white vest. I put some makeup on and check the time, it’s 10:23. Matt told me he could pick me up at half 10. I get my shoes on and go downstairs, “I’m headed out dad!” I call to my dad who is on the couch.

“No worries stay safe pumpkin.” He smiles, “do you want me to make you a coffee before I go?” I ask him as I still have time, “It’s alright, I got one here.” He lifts his mug, “thank you though.” He nods, “Okay no worries, see ya!” I walk out the front door and I just wait on the sidewalk.

After 10 minutes the Porsche pulls up and I remember Matt saying he drives it sometimes. He stops in front of me and I hop in the passenger seat, the same passenger seat that me and Chris fucked in 2 days previously. “Hey.” He speaks, “Hi, what did you wanna tell me?” I ask him putting the seatbelt on.

He looks at me for a good 10 seconds, I tilt my head in confusion as he isn’t speaking. “I lied.” He swallows, “Lied? About what?” I’m even more confused now, he starts driving. “I lied, I have nothing to say about Chris.” He sounds unsure, “What why?” I ask him.

“I’m fucking jealous as shit y/n,” He sighs, “I just wanted to see you, I’m sorry I’m a fucking dick.” He slows down and pulls down a street. “It’s okay Matt, don’t worry.” I try to reassure him.” He shakes his head, “It’s not okay, not until I can.. feel you around me.” He whispers. He pulls into the parking lot of an abandoned store.

I feel myself get hot, did he really just say that? I can’t form words out of shock, he turns to me. “He fucked you in this car didn’t he.” I look at him and nod, “in the backseat?” He speaks quieter, I shake my head “in this seat.” I point at where I’m sitting, “that must’ve been awkward.” He smirks, “yeah I hit my head a few times.”

“Maybe you need someone to show you how to fuck in a car.. the comfortable way.” He bites his lip, I squeeze my thighs together as he speaks. His hand comes down to my thigh, “you’re a slut.” He chuckles, my face turns red and I look away.

He grabs my face and turns it to him, “get in the back.” He undoes my seatbelt. I nod quickly and hop out the car, he copies and we both get into the backseat, I’m glad these back windows are tinted as it’s broad daylight outside, even though the car park is empty. He wastes no time and crashes his lips onto mine.

His hands travel to my sweatpants as pulls them down to my ankles and then undoes the zipper of his jeans before pulling both of our pants off. The imprint of his cock is unmissable. He grabs my legs and slides me so I’m practically laying down on the backseat, without hesitation he removes my underwear and puts it on the drivers seat.

“Such a pretty pussy.” He slides two fingers across my slit before pushing them in quickly. I moan out lightly, he moves them in and out about 5 times, before removing them. “Please..” I look up at him, raising my inner brows. He smirks before pulling his boxes off, his dick is big, not as big as Chris’ but it’s still perfect.

I go to try and wrap my hands around his length and he stops me by grabbing my hands with one hand, pushing them above my head and with the other hand moves my legs into missionary position.

“I don’t have a condom.” He looks at me, “I’m on birth control.” I speak rapidly, just wanting to feel him inside me, “desperate hm?” He leans down and presses a kiss to my forehead. I nod, “please Matt.. fuck me.” I whine, he chuckles, resting his tip at my entrance but not pushing it in, I wiggle to try and get some friction.

“Matt.. stop teasing me please just…” he cuts me off by pushing inside instantly, I moan out and grip the seat. “Just what? What did you want me to do?” He teases, he thrusts in and out slowly at first before quickening the pace until he’s pounding into me and the car is definitely moving. Mine and his moans fill the car.

I can feel myself getting closer and closer, I look down at where we connect, his dick disappearing inside of me with every thrust, his hand comes down and rubs circles on my clit. I scream out his name and my back arches. “Fuck..” he groans out, I feel the euphoria wash over me as I come undone. My arousal leaking around his dick.

Not long after he finishes inside of me and pulls out. We both sit breathlessly, “that was.. fucking amazing.” I breathe out harshly, “Can I have my panties back?” I ask him as I grab my sweatpants off of the car floor, “I think I’ll keep them, as a souvenir.” He smirks as he gets his boxers and jeans back on. “You weirdo.” I tease him and slide my sweatpants on without underwear underneath.

We get back into the front seats and he gives me the aux, I put on some random playlist on shuffle. He stuffs my panties into his pocket before we put our seatbelts on and he drives off. “Do you wanna come to mine? Just for food or something.” Matt asks me, “Yeah of course, is Chris gonna be there?” I whisper his name.

“Probably not, Chris did say he was going out somewhere.” Matt replies, “okay yeah I’ll come.”

We get to his house and Matt pulls in the driveway before we get out the car and enter the house. It’s quiet, except for faint music coming from upstairs. I look to Matt, “Nick probably.” He answers, we walk to the kitchen and I sit on the barstool. “Do you want a soda?” Matt opens the fridge, “yeah sure what do you have?” I lean on the counter to look in the fridge, my ass in the air.

“We have Pepsi and..” Matt gets cut off, “That’s a nice view.” Chris. He walks up from the hallway behind, I sit back down and turn to him, my face red. He’s wearing a black wifebeater vest and grey sweats holding an empty glass, Matt stands up and closes the fridge. “What ya doing?” Chris asks as he walks up next to Matt, “nothing important.”

“What’s this?” Chris pulls my panties out of the pocket of Matts jeans. He looks at me, tilting his head. “Oh.” Is all that he says. He chuckles but I can tell he’s pissed off.

“I just..” I try to explain but Chris scoffs loudly, “Oh shut it y/n.” He puts his glass down and slams his hands on the counter infront of me, I flinch. “What happened to ‘Matt is a dick’ and all that bullshit?” He leans in further. “Hm?” He looks angry. “I don’t know.” I mumble. I look over, Matt is smiling slightly?

Chris turns to Matt, “I don’t know what your problem is. This is just a competition to you isn’t it?” Chris shoves Matt backwards into the fridge door. “Calm down.” Matt replies to Chris who just turns around, “Calm down? I can’t fucking calm down right now Matt.” He walks over to me, “you’re a selfish bitch.” He points his finger in my face.

“It was going well, I thought you actually gave a fuck.” He scoffs, “I do Chris..” I try to speak again, “If you did then why did you go back to him?” It’s a valid question, I don’t know. “Maybe she prefers me.” Matt stupidly pipes up. Chris picks the glass that he put down and he throws it at the cabinet next to Matt.

It smashes and the glass flies everywhere. I get off the stool and step back, “Chris stop..” I thought I’d be scared of him. “It was a joke just stop being so childish.” Matt retorts to Chris, “I’m not fucking laughing.” He speaks more calmly, his eyes look watery. “I’ll clean that up.” He spoke quietly, pointing at the shattered glass on the floor.

“While you’re at it clean your act up too hm?” Matt smirks, he’s making this worse. “I’ll be cleaning your fucking blood off the wall if you don’t shut the fuck up.” Chris yells. “Your acting all tough but I don’t think she knows about you know what.” Chris points at me, Matts eyes widen.

“What?” I’m confused, “What was her name again? Kelly?” Chris asks Matt, Matt looks nervous. Kelly the new girl? What are they talking about. “Yeah that was it, that was strange when she was here wasn’t it.” Chris hisses.

She was here? “I think that was the night after y/n was here the first time right? The night you upset her and I was the only person who comforted her right?” Chris walks even closer to Matt. “What is he talking about?” I ask Matt because I feel like I know what went on I just wanna hear it from him.

“He was ‘helping her catch up with the work’ or something, what was your excuse again?” Chris turns to Matt who’s face is bright red, Matt looks at me, “Matt what the fuck is he talking about?” I raise my voice to him.

“I.. Kelly wanted to get caught up with the class work, that’s all I promise you y/n.” He pleads with me, “The thing is, you don’t teach biology so there was no need for your dick to be out.” Chris chuckles, Matts expression shows me everything I need to know, he’s a fucking liar. “I have every right to report you to the college.” Chris smirks at Matt.

“You’d lose your job too asshole.” Matt growls back at him, “yeah but I don’t need that job, I got it just to try it out.” Chris grabs the brush and pan and starts to sweep up the glass. “Fuck you.” Matt grabs his car keys and walks out of the house.

I feel tears run down my eyes as I stand there in shock, the day after he refused to kiss me he had Kelly here and his dick out? What the fuck. “You good?” Chris stands up and looks at me, his expression shifting to concern as he notices the tears rolling down my face.

“I’m so sorry.” He apologises.

A/n: guys…. Heheh Hehehe smut with Matt hehehe but the angst is wilding out. Chris is my baby girl😖 bro I have so many ideas for new series’ and I just wanna write a new series rn (pbviously continuing this one as it’ll only have like 2 parts left I think!

@blahbel668 @mattsleftnipple03 @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @hysteria-things @mattybslover @jakevwebber @braindead4l @mattybearnard @st7rnioioss @junnniiieee07 @bueckerslover @fratbrochrisgf @sturniol0s @alwayssublimedelusion @certifiednatelover @freshsturns @riasturns @sturniololvrrr @maryx2xx @whicked-hazlatwhore @cammie4298 @sturnsjtop @sturnzblog @chr1sgirl4life @evie-sturns @milasturniolo @jaxyy219 @mattsturniolosbae @h3arts4harry @littlebookworm803 @realqueenofpepsi @elsxz1 @jnkvivi @nayveetbhh @sturnsmadl @mattspleasure @m0r94n @raysmayhem-72 @flamethrower313

[kitten4sannie]

trendsetter

reach for my goals, hit it dead center

pairing: idol ex! mingi x fem! reader

genre: an actual idol au omg, smut

summary: mingi reminds you why he was so hard to leave in the first place, well, the first few times, anyway.

w.c: 3.3k

bc i’m bigger, better

warnings: brief weed use/shotgunning (mingi’s a plug in another life btw <3), mingi’s kinda a dickhead and a master manipulator (damn double homicide), dom! mingi, subby! reader, mingi’s got a big cawk, glove ? kink? idk bro, exhibitionism, teasing, praise/degradation, pet names galore/name calling, tit play, spit, fingering, finger sucking (leads to some gagging), oral (giving), deep-throating, cum eating, grinding, kissing, size kink, breeding kink, mingi fucks reader raw on the hood of her own car hallelujahhhh

a/n: don’t blame me for this btw,, blame mingi mango and the things he’s been posting on ig 😮‍💨 this man makes me delirious istg. also i wrote this while incredibly sleep deprived just so yk !! there might be some grammar and spelling errors (as well as a general sense of lunacy ✨) regardless i hope you enjoy and please do let me know if you liked it bc feedback is like a treat for me and im a treat hungry lil goblin uwu <3

song recs: so damn into you by vlad holiday - come 2 me by johnny goth - liquid by boston manor

Mingi barely made it two steps past one of the various emergency exit doors of the booming, hectic arena, dropping his lighter on the ground when his favorite ex suddenly came waltzing back into his life again after just swiftly exiting it for the nth time.

“Where are my car keys? I know you have them,” you abruptly confronted him, snatching the lighter from the ground before he could grab it and sliding it inside your tank top, right in between your tits.

“Why would I have your car keys, sugar?” Mingi sighed exasperatedly, walking in your direction until he towered over you, gently clasping his calloused hands around your upper arms so he could rub them up and down in an effort to calm you, gently turning you around until your back pressed into the cool metal of the emergency door. “Can you use that pretty little head of yours for me, Y/N? I just performed right now. I was busy rehearsing before that. Do you really think I would take your keys from you just to keep you from leaving?”

“Yes, I do. You always do some fuck shit like this when I try to leave. Every time, Mingi.” Despite the furrow of your brow and the contempt present within your words, you couldn’t help but watch as Mingi’s thumbs began to press into the sides of your tits. When you didn’t say anything, he began to press the rest of his gloved fingers into the softness of your chest.

“Some fuck shit like this?” Mingi asked under his breath, studying your flushed face to gauge your reaction as he squeezed your tits against the palms of his rough hands, rubbing his thumbs teasingly against the thin material of your sports bra until he felt your nipples harden. “You aren’t tell me to stop, baby. Cat got your tongue?”

“I hate you…” you whispered softly, not understanding why you never had the strength to deny him, even in a public, though empty alleyway, even after you just broke up with him only a little while ago.

“You don’t seem to hate this…Your body’s responding to me…” Mingi suddenly pinched your nipples through your sports bra, chuckling at the gasp you let out. He leaned down, bringing his lips to your ear to whisper, “I bet you don’t hate how wet I’m making you right now, either. Is your cunt throbbing for me already, Y/N?”

“N-no…” You bit into your bottom lip when your ex let out a disapproving ‘uh-uh’ as you turned your head to look away from him, squeezing your thighs together, hoping your arousal wouldn’t drip past your short skirt.

With one hand still clasped around your tit to play with it, Mingi brought the other up to grasp your chin, making you face him again, so close that you were breathing in each other’s air, your parted lips almost touching. “You’ll let me check to see if you’re lying, won’t you, sugar? Can I see how many fingers I can fit inside your tight little cunt?”

You hated how much your body and soul still burned for your lecherous ex, hated how desperate you suddenly were for him to have his way with you, but what you hated most of all was the way you whimpered out, “Please, Minnie.”

Mingi groaned softly at the use of his pet name, feeling most of his blood began to head below the belt, letting go of your chin, the both of you watching as his hand disappeared underneath your skirt. He instantly slipped two thick fingers inside you up to the knuckles, despite wearing a pair of thick leather gloves, the both of you moaning at the squelching sound your bare, wet cunt made. “That’s my girl. You wore this slutty little skirt and no panties just for me, didn’t you? You don’t even care about getting out of here with your keys. You just wanted me to put my hands all over you one last time, yeah?”

Just as you were about to respond, Mingi suddenly stuffed his leather-bound fingers into your mouth, making you taste your own warm wetness. “A-aaahn,” you moaned around his moving digits, feeling them slip along your hot tongue, looking up at your ex’s intensely dark gaze.

“Suck,” he simply requested, smiling fondly at the sight of your plush lips closing around his fingers, pushing them further and further back until he made you gag around them, his cock throbbing at the sight of your teary doe eyes. “Oh, baby, if you’re going to be looking at me like that and making those pretty noises, I’m gonna lose it…but, you can take it, right? My fingers in your throat?”

You whined softly, trying your best not to gag more around his moving fingers, relaxing your throat enough so that the only sound that could be heard was your moans and the abundance of saliva in your mouth.

“Good girl.” Mingi slipped his fingers out of your mouth and pressed his lips onto your cheek, whispering, “Can you take my cock down your throat next, pretty girl? I worked so hard to perform tonight, you know. Don’t you think I deserve head from my favorite ex?”

“Uh-huh,” you found yourself agreeing, your head still fuzzy from having his fingers inside your mouth, desperate to have something else warm and thick on your tongue, thankful for the heavy hand that began to push your head down until your bare knees were resting against the cold concrete below.

“Say ‘aaah’,” Mingi cooed darkly from above, expertly undoing his thick belt buckle and lowering his pants until his stiff, reddened cock smacked up into his abdomen. It was then that his hands were drawn to either side of your head, barely giving you enough time to open your mouth before he thrusted forward, the tip of his cock instantly hitting the back of your throat. “Fuckkkk, that’s a good slut. You don’t have to be my girlfriend to be my fuck toy, huh, baby?”

Your moans of approval were instantly muffled by the massive cock that was being stuffed inside your throat by your eager ex, as you reached up to grasp at his hips, the shiny lighter that was still sitting in between your tits starting to jostle around due to Mingi’s rough movements.

Suddenly reminded of his post-concert ritual, Mingi reached into his back pocket and placed a joint between his lips, then fished the lighter out from between your tits, but not before he squished one of them for the hell of it. He rolled the dial on the lighter a few times before a flame sparked, bringing it up and lighting the tip of his joint.

The strong aroma of Mingi’s flower reached you in an instant, having to blink your many tears away to watch him take a deep puff of it and blow it out into your face. Your lips tingling from the immense stretch, you sputtered around his pulsing cock, suddenly pulling away, letting your spit laced lips rest against his leaking tip, weakly licking at the pre-cum that spilled from it. “M-minnie…”

“Why’d you stop?” Mingi grunted, biting on the tip of the joint to keep it from falling from his lips, looking down at you with his sharp, slightly red eyes. Using his free hand to jerk himself off with his cockhead pressed to your lips and smearing his pre-cum over them just for his own enjoyment, he slowly realized what was up. “Oh, you want a hit? Aren’t you precious? Come here.”

Mingi slowly lowered himself down into a crouching position, letting go of his cock to grab your chin with his arousal coated fingers, taking in a deeper inhale, the majority of the joint turning to ash, just as he flicked it away into the gutter. He pressed his lips onto yours in an open-mouthed kiss, neither of you bothering to close your eyes as he slowly filled your lungs with smoke.

Just as you began to choke while trying to exhale all the smoke, Mingi dragged his tongue across your own and over your top set of teeth just because he felt like it, before standing back up. “I bet you’re feeling real good now, baby. That was top shelf.” He spat into the palm of his hand and lubed up his cock, before patting your cheek and sliding himself back into the hot haven that was your throat, not wasting a single second to begin pumping himself inside it again, almost like he had never stopped.

Now that both your body and brain were delightfully clouded with a heavy, lustful high, you felt like you could cum just from getting ruthlessly throat-fucked alone, your nails digging into Mingi’s bare hips, more and more tears and saliva dripping along your flushed skin the longer he abused your tiny throat with his oversized length.

“Fuck, I can’t handle it when you cry and drool like that just from sucking my cock, baby. I’m gonna fucking cum,” Mingi groaned deeply from above you, rested his forearms against the emergency door, thrusting sloppily into your mouth. He let out a few short, whiny moans once he began to shudder, plunging his throbbing cock deep inside your throat and staying still. “Oh, shit, I’m cumming. Take my load, princess, ohh my god, that’s it.”

You swallowed the warm, salty liquid as it shot down your throat, only to open your mouth and present your tongue when Mingi pulled out and began to slowly milk his cock, taking the rest of his load on your tongue, not swallowing and simply letting it drip down, a few drops spilling down your chin and getting onto your tits.

“Mm, that’s my messy girl. You’re waiting for me to feed it to you, huh?” Mingi licked at his plush lips from witnessing your obedient nod, pushing his soft cock back into his pants and waiting for you to stand up so that he could collect some of the cum that had escaped your mouth and pushed it back into your mouth. “That’s right, babygirl, clean it all up for me. Mm-hmm, just like that.”

Once you slurped the rest of his load off of his fingers, you wrapped your arms around Mingi’s neck, pressing your heated body into his. “Mingiiii, please fuck me, I can’t take it,” you begged him underneath your breath, pressing your lips onto his neck up to his tense jawline.

“Oh, yeah? You can’t live without this dick, can you?” he questioned you huskily, bringing his wrists up to his mouth one by one to pull his gloves off with his teeth, before reaching past your waist to roughly squeeze his warm hands into your ass. When you grimaced up at him, he tugged your skirt up and spread your ass open to run his fingers down your wet slit from behind, making you whimper. “Admit it, and i’ll fuck you stupid, princess.”

Swallowing down any remaining dignity you had along with the remnants of your ex’s load, you lifted one leg up to hook it around his slim waist, allowing him easier access to you wet cunt, shuddering at the sensation of him shallowly slipping his fingers into and out of you just to tease you. “I can’t live without your cock, Mingi, okay? No one fucks me like you do, so please, make me yours.”

Mingi rubbed the abundant wetness around your cunt, licking his lips hungrily, staring down at you past his dark shades. “Right here? Right now?”

“Yes.”

“What if someone sees, princess?”

“I don’t give a fuck if someone sees, just fuck me, please!”

Mingi grinned crookedly, finding deep amusement in your desperation, considering how you were acting just a little while ago. “Where’s your car, baby?”

You pointed down the dark alleyway. “It’s just around the corner over there.”

Mingi looked over his shoulder, then picked you up from the ground, hooking both of your thighs around his waist and carrying you over to your car, massaging his hands into your thighs on the way. “I don’t have any condoms, you know.”

When Mingi laid you down on the hood of your car, the cool metal sending goosebumps up and down your exposed, heated skin, you shook your head and smiled softly. “When has that ever stopped you?”

“Don’t act like you don’t love when I fuck you raw, and leave you stuffed full of my cum…” Still in between your legs, Mingi bent down to leave kisses, licks, and bites along your neck and collarbone, lowering his pants down just enough to free his length, his slick cock growing hard and heavy against your bare cunt. “Fuck, and when I use my fingers to shove my nut back inside your cunt after…mm, I’m honestly surprised you’re not knocked up for me already…”

“Mingi,” you whined disapprovingly, despite the fresh wave of slick coating your ex’s cock as it repeatedly rubbed back and forth along your cunt.

“What, I thought you liked being my cumslut…my little breeding bitch…my pump n’ dump princess…” Mingi recited playfully, teasing your fluttering hole with the tip of his cockhead, just about driving you to the brink of insanity withi his teasing.

“Shut up, Min, oh my god…”

“Why don’t you shut me up then?” he suggested, hovering close enough to your face for you to pull him in for a desperate kiss that consisted mainly of tongue and teeth, your mouths occasionally making contact in between tongue swipes and lip bites, the both of you panting all the while.

Growing impatient, you slipped your fingers into his choppy hair, tugging his head back until your lips parted, a few strands of saliva still connecting them. “If you don’t put your cock inside me in the next two seconds, I’m going to bite it off. You hear me, Song Mingi?”

Groaning breathily when you tugged at his hair again, Mingi let out a few soft chuckles, taking his shades off and setting them down on the corner of the hood. “Using my government name like that….I must’ve teased you too much. My poor angel, so desperate for cock. I’ll fuck you good, baby. I’ll make it up to you,” he sighed, as he wrapped his fingers around his length, guiding the tip to your entrance and sliding all the way in with ease, the both of you letting out obscene moans. Without any hesitation, Mingi began to buck his hips wildly, his metal belt banging against the hood of your car with each thrust. “Oh, fuck. You feel that? Is it good for you?”

“Yes…!” you cried out, barely about to speak, let alone function, now that your beloved ex was rearranging your guts with his colossal cock.

Huffing, Mingi threw your legs up over his shoulders and laid his body weight on you, essentially folding you in half. He ran his tongue along your jaw, before nipping at it, whispering, “God, you’re always so fucking tight, princess. Gonna milk me for all I’ve got, huh? Cuz’ you’re my good little slut, aren’t you?”

“Uh-huh, just for you, Minnie…”

“Mm-hmm, that’s why you’re still here even after you broke up with me earlier, baby…why you’re taking my cock on the hood of your car where anyone can see you…” Mingi continued, squeezing his hands into the plumpness of your thighs, getting a good grip on them, so that he could drive himself into you as hard as he possibly could, punching short, breathy moans out of you. “You sound so pretty for me, baby, and fuck, you’re so wet right now….You’re gonna cream all over my cock, aren’t you?”

As soon as it felt like Mingi’s oversized cock had slammed directly into your cervix, you let out an abrupt yell, an overwhelming amount of pleasure suddenly shooting through your body like lightning. “Fuck…! I’m cumming, Minnie, it’s so– oh my god.” You were gonna start whimpering and crying when Mingi gently placed his warm hand over your mouth, watching him nod his head knowingly at you, his suddenly softened gaze never leaving yours.

“That’s a good girl, such a good girl for me, Y/N,” Mingi sighed against your ear, the hot, wet sounds of your bodies colliding together and the ringing inside your ears almost too loud for you to hear him properly. Feeling your wetness pour out onto his cock, Mingi let go of your mouth and cradled your face instead, pressing slow, meaningful kisses onto your lips, a few drops of sweat dripping along the shaved sections of his hair just as your trembling fingers drifted along it. “Want it inside, yeah?”

“Yeah…” you whispered against his moving lips, not even realizing when you were clutching him impossibly close to you.

“That’s my baby…” Mingi pulled all the way out, your mixed arousal forming a milky foam around the base of his cock, before he slowly pushed all the way back in, just in time for him to paint your insides white with his seemingly endless load. He hugged you close to him all the while, pressing kiss and kiss onto your lips, face, and neck, knowing that your turbulent time together was about to come to an end, and wishing he could turn the clock back to spend another second with you.

Once your highs began to fade, you cleared your throat and slowly sat up, the both of you silently fixing your disheveled clothes and hair in a poor attempt to look presentable in the case of a random passerby.

“So…since you don’t have my keys, I’m not sure how I’m gonna get out of here,” you sighed, about to push yourself off of the hood of your car when Mingi helped you off instead, annoyed that he was suddenly acting gentlemanly when he had shown you nothing of the sort beforehand.

Smiling apologetically, Mingi fished around in one of his pockets and held your keys up to you. “I took them out of your purse before the show started.” Seeing the anger blossom on your pretty, flushed face, he continued, “Listen, I just wanted you to hear me out before you left and never came back to me, baby. I love you.”

You snatched the keys out of his hand and crossed your arms over your chest, leaning back to sit on the hood of your car, keeping your thighs pressed together to keep everything from leaking out of you. “You don’t get to say that after you just made me your ‘pump n’ dump princess’, you idiot.”

“But I didn’t dump you, Y/N. You’re the one who dumped me!” Mingi whined, his lower lip jutting out in a pout, his brown eyes growing wide and puppy-like.

You couldn’t help but begin to laugh, not only at the ludicrous situation you were both in, but at the truth of his statement. Wiping a tear from your eye, you clicked your keys to unlock your car and walked around to the driver’s side.

“Where are you going? Are you leaving me?”

“No, we’re going to the store to get Plan B, dummy. I’m not about to let Mingi Jr. run around and terrorize the city,” you replied, gazing at your ex, the sight of his childlike amusement making you feel a bit soft towards him.

“I call shotgun!” Mingi called, eagerly heading to the passenger door, practically bouncing on his heels.

“There’s only two of us,” you giggled, sitting down in the car with him.

“For now.” Mingi wiggled his eyebrows at you.

You turned the ignition on, shaking your head, the corners of your lips hurting from how long you had been smiling. “Never say that shit again.”

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[tsxkkis]

# kageyama tobio - private

a/n: not proud of this, because i didn't truly know how to end it. also i've been searching for a job lately and it's so damn hard to find one help T-T i still gotta try though because i want money for figurines and mangas :33

summary: your relationship with kageyama was a secret from the public, but it can't be private forever.

warnings: none really

tobio kageyama never answers his phone while training.

his mind was always set on one thing - volleyball. it's like everything else was secondary to his beloved sport, to his safe space, which he adored and treasured dearly. there was only one thing he loved just as much; but that was kept a secret from the world.

along with being a professional athlete came the fame, and with the fame came lack of privacy, something that kageyama seemed to hate from the very beginning of joining schweiden adlers. he vowed to himself that his private life will never become a topic of public discussion, that he'll control every information that comes out to the media as much as he possibly can.

'they're writing about you.' ushijima's voice echoed through their changing room as he handed the black-haired boy his phone, an internet article opened up on one of the most popular gossip pages. upon seeing the title and content of the article, the look on his face instantly changed - he looked irritated, almost insulted. kageyama's nose scrunched in dissatisfaction as if he's just seen another picture of hinata and oikawa hanging out in brazil.

'ooh, let me see!' hoshiumi snached the phone away, curious eyes following the text on the screen, a small gasp leaving his parted lips every now and then. kageyama was quick to get the phone back with an annoyed huff, suddenly putting his shoes on much quicker than before.

the white-haired man looked like he was about to say something, but he was quickly cut off before he could even let a word out.

'don't even mention it.'

'you have a GIRLFRIEND?!'

the changing room fell silent, the only two men left there besides kageyama standing still, awaiting an answer. but as they noticed the tips of tobio's ears turning into a color similar to a rose and his gaze avoiding their glares, they realized they didn't need one.

they weren't exactly shocked by their discovery - tobio was always a private person, and he didn't really talk about his life much, much preffering conversations about volleyball instead of one's that circled around him.

a notification popped up on his phone, disrupting the silence between the three men.

it was you.

'i'm waiting in front of the changing room like i told you yesterday :33'

'hurry up!'

tobio realized he completely forgot about his promise to you, and as his cheeks flushed pink, he suddenly realized that maybe the whole situation wasn't so bad after all.

'you want to meet my teammates?'

kageyama's stood in your shared room's doorframe, a curious look on his face. 'why the hell would you want to meet these idiots?'

'i want to get to know the people my boyfriend hangs out with.' you mumbled, putting down the book you were currently reading. 'you know, i understand that you want to protect your peace from the outside world, but i don't think you have to hide your entire life from your work friends. they seem trustworthy, for all i know.'

the black-haired man plopped onto the bed right next to you, choosing your arm as a perfect pillow for himself. the room fell silent for a few minutes, but you didn't pressure tobio to answer you right away - from the look on his face you knew he was thinking, rather intensely at that, so there was no point in disrupting his trail of thoughts.

'how am i supposed to break it to them, though?' he asked, a genuinely confused look on his face. 'hey, i've been in a relationship for the last four years and never told you, sorry.'

a giggle left your mouth, your hand softly brushing through your boyfriend's hair, twirling the short strands around your fingers.

'i can just come to meet you up after practice and introduce myself. it'll be less awkward for you that way.'

kageyama hummed in response, as if he was deciding on whether he should go with your idea or not. he knew that your relationship being uncovered was inevitable - that sooner or later, they would find out anyways. so maybe your idea wasn't so bad.

'tommorow?' he mumbled, head leaning into your soft hands, almost as if he was pleading you to play with his hair just a tad bit longer.

'fine by me.'

you stood in one place, patiently awaiting your boyfriend as you scrolled through your phone, invested in a particularly hard game of sudoku. as you heard the door crack open, your eyes quickly shot up, hoping to be met with your boyfriend's tall figure. instead, a way shorter, white-haired man showed up right in front of you, bright eyes scanning your figure from head to toe.

'i know you! you used to be karasuno's manage-'

'give her some space, hoshiumi.' a tall man appeared from behind him, one that you recognized to be ushijima almost immediately. you remembered both of the men from your times in high school, and yet you never truly had a chance to meet them properly - not until now, that is.

as you greeted tobio, who emerged from the changing room shortly after, you weren't even surprised that he opted for a hug instead of a kiss - although an adult already, kageyama was still awkward with any public displays of affection. he preferred to keep those special moments to himself.

'have you seen the article?' he hummed quietly, his eyes glued to your face smiling at your confused look.

'what article?'

although a little dumbfounded by your lack of knowledge of it, kageyama quickly pulled out his phone and handed it to you, the article opened up on the screen.

'oh.' your face went blank as you eyed the words in front of you, suddenly connecting the dots. 'so that's why there's so many reporters and paparazzi in front of the building.

reporters? paparazzi?

'shit.' he mumbled under his breath. 'how many of them?'

'around ten, maybe eleven.' kageyama's smile dropped almost immediately upon hearing the number. you carefully scanned his face, hand going up to gently ruffle his hair. 'we can wait for them to leave if you don't want them to see us. i don't mind.'

he thought for a hot minute, rethinking every possible scenario that could happen, every option available. was he truly ready for his private life to become so... public?

kageyama wasn't exactly sure. you've been together for so long that he knew this relationship would last through anything and everything, but at the same time, he didn't want things to change. he hated changes - they never truly meant anything good, and he would always avoid them as much as possible.

but this change was inevitable.

'it's alright.' he said, breaking the moment of silence. 'it would've happened sooner or later. might as well have this behind us, right?'

'are you sure?' you asked quietly, squeezing his hand as you saw kageyama already heading towards the door. his head quickly turned to face you, giving you a small nod before his hand landed on the handle.

'not entirely.' he admitted, eyes darting away from your gaze. 'but i can do it as long as it's with you.'

'hey, don't forget about us!' hoshiumi's stated, your boyfriend shooting him a deathly glare for interrupting the moment between you two. 'maybe we should all grab some dinner, what do you say? i'm sure you're all hungry.'

'come to think of it,' ushijima barged into the conversation, his usual monotone tone. 'i know a restaurant where the paparazzi won't bother us.'

you exchanged looks with tobio, a barely noticeable smile on your face being enough for him to know that you agree.

'let's do it.' the black-haired man said, solidifying the idea once and for all.

'what if they won't leave us alone?' he could see that your anxious side took over, suddenly stressed out about going outside. kageyama gave you a reassuring look, smiling softly.

'then they'll know how amazing my girlfriend is.'

'oooh, how corny-' hoshiumi mumbled, stopping when he saw kageyama's annoyed glare. 'alright, lovebirds, i'll be quiet.'

'you'd better.' you giggled at your boyfriend's words, his hand once again on the handle. he looked your way, softly smiling down at you. 'ready?'

you looked up, eyes meeting his.

'with you by my side? always.'

taglist: @moonswolfie

[reiderwriter]

Unfair We're Not Somewhere

Chapter Eight of I Can't Help Myself

Summary: With a little bit of help from someone who could relate a little bit too closely to your situation, Y/N tries to come clean. Tries.

Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy symptoms/ general pregnancy things, unsub mentions, plot.

A/N: Chapter Eight! I'm so excited for where the rest of this series is going to go, though I do feel like people are going to be a bit annoyed by this one lmao. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below or in an ask! Don't be too mad...

Masterlist || Add yourself to the tag list

You sat quietly in the clinic as you waited for the pharmacist to fill your prescription - a simple pregnancy multivitamin that was supposed to help your food go down, make your hair shinier, and fix all your problems.

You wondered if the bottle could tell Spencer you were pregnant. You wondered if it could make him magically okay with that and prepare him for fatherhood, too. 

Your phone buzzed, and you surfaced from the field of thoughts you'd been lost in as you checked it. 

“Outside,” an unknown number had sent. You took that as your queue, stood up, and left the clinic, trying your best to avoid looking back at the small boy Spencer had been playing with. 

You weren't sure if you were going to have a boy or a girl yet. You didn't mind either, though you'd always envisioned yourself with a big enough family that you assumed at least one of each was inevitable. Though even you had to admit how stereotypically nuclear that was, and how only 18% of the country was living that was lying anyway. 

You shoved psychology from your head for a few minutes and let yourself breathe.

“Y/N!” JJ signalled from the driver's side of her still running SUV. She waved slightly, and you smiled politely as you quickly paced around to the side of her vehicle and got in. 

“Hi,” you said, unsure if you should introduce yourself or not. She'd been in the office the day you'd been taken into custody (protection), but you still had yet to speak to her. She'd been exempt from protective duty so far due to her status as a senior field agent and the fact that she had two kids and a husband at home waiting for her. 

You were sad she was the anomaly in the BAU, the only one with someone waiting on her. 

“I'm Y/N,” you said, still unsure if you should hold out a hand or not. You hadn't made the best impression on most of Spencer's colleagues, and while you didn't think there was much point in trying, you still couldn't bring yourself to be intentionally blasé. 

“I know, you're all we've been talking about for weeks,” the woman laughed, pulling out of the clinic car park and smiling at you. 

“Oh, right. Case. Of course, I've heard you probably know more about me than I know about myself.” 

“We have a profile, sure, but that's not what I meant.” 

You nodded awkwardly and stared out the window for a second, the sky darkening slightly as it prepared to rain. 

You drove for a few minutes before JJ spoke up again. 

“I don't know if Emily told you, but it's actually my day off today,” she said, turning off into a cul-de-sac you'd never seen before. 

“Oh, oh my god, I'm so sorry. I could've just got a taxi or something or just… gotten over myself. You didn't have to-” 

“Yes, I did,” she looked at you for a second, cocking her head to the side in a gesture that said, ‘and you know why.’ It was a look only a friend would give, and you felt an instant connection with her. 

How had Spencer found so many wonderful, big-hearted women to surround himself with, and how could you get in on it? 

You supposed, by letting him get you pregnant, you'd probably found a cheat code for whatever the answer might have been. 

“Anyway, it's my day off, so I promised my boys a fun day at home with mommy. We're doing finger painting and macaroni art. I hope you don't mind getting messy.” 

“Wha-? Me? Oh. No, not at all,” you tried to seem nonchalant, but your heart suddenly beat faster now that you were faced with this unexpected opportunity. As a lecturer, you'd been surrounded by kids professionally for years now. 18 to 21 year old kids. The kind that already had defined morals, world views, and, secretly, alcohol tolerances. The last time you'd encountered any kind of child younger than 18 was when you yourself were under 18.

The joys of toiling away at a doctorate for the better half of your adult life. You knew how to talk to professors and scholars. You were absolutely scared shitless of interacting with a kid. 

“H-How old are they?” You asked, trying to sound polite but falling somewhere between anxious and terrified with a simple stutter. 

“Well, Henry is turning 8 in November, and Michael is just about 22 months. He's just about talking, which is as fun as you can expect.” 

Her voice was tired, but there was genuine affection there, love for her kids and pride. You wondered if your voice would change if you'd suddenly begin speaking like that, too, about something other than a paper submitted to a journal or a job opportunity. 

She pulled into a street parking space and turned off the engine as two bright haired little boys came bouncing up the path of their garden to greet her, stopping at the gate. 

“Mommy! Michael got glitter on the carpet, and Daddy said we shouldn't tell you.” 

“And you have no sense of loyalty when a pretty face comes around, do you?”

Hopping out of the car, you heard JJ's husband drawl as she greeted him with a kiss. She'd probably only taken half an hour to pick you up, but they were still greeting each other so warmly. For a second, you wondered what that would be like before you remembered throwing yourself into Spencer's arms the night before. Your face heated as you stood awkwardly at the side of the car, trying not to cradle your stomach as you watched the family interact. 

Would your baby ever get that tall? Would it have brown eyes like Spencer, or one's more similar to your own? His hair was curly. Maybe your baby would get hair that waved like his, too. 

After all, JJ's kids seemed like perfect compromises between her and her husband. Other people's kids didn't, though. You wondered a lot of things before JJ gestured you over again. 

“Henry, Michael, this is Aunt Y/N. She's going to do those crafts with us today - after we've locked away the glitter and thrown away the key.” 

You laughed as she wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pushed you forward into the chaos of two kids under ten. 

You were a little startled as the smaller one - Michael - grabbed your hand. He had a pacifier in his mouth, though he was probably outgrowing it, and he stared up at you with big, wide eyes, blinking and sizing you up as he toddled along beside you. 

Your heart grew three sizes, and you felt sorry for ever being afraid of interacting with the kids. 

JJ whispered to her husband quickly as you entered the LaMontagne household, and he greeted you quickly. 

“So you're Spencer's lady friend. It's nice to meet you. It's nice that you're real. Honestly, I was getting a little-” 

A look from JJ cut him off, though he did still seem a bit confused. 

“I'm sorry, am I under the wrong impression? JJ said you were pregnant with Spencer's baby, y'all aren't…” 

“Oh my god-” you whispered, suddenly panicking again but whispering just in case. You weren't sure if the pair was religious, and though you certainly weren't, it probably wasn't the best time to blaspheme. You needed as much god as existed in the world. 

“So, does everyone know?” You asked JJ, trying to keep your voice bright and calm, so Michael didn't take too much of an interest and grow frustrated by hushed tones. You knew enough about child development and psychology, it translated over, right? 

“Everyone who's observant. Luke noticed the pregnancy vitamins in your bag, Tara was talking about your mood swings in the office the other day. I guess you told Emily earlier, and I have two kids.” 

You nodded at the answer. 

“And Spencer?” 

“You haven't told him yet?” JJ asked, slightly surprised. 

“If I told him, you'd know.” 

“Well, you're right on that. He's not the most easy-going during pregnancy,” JJ laughed and steered you into the living space, where your de facto art studio had been set up for the day, along with the offending glitter bomb. 

“Really? You thought you could keep that a secret?” 

“Well, of anyone was going to find it, it was going to be my beautiful, smart, funny, profiler Wife,” Will said, giving her a small peck on the cheek as she rolled her eyes at him. “I'm clocking in now. Call me if you need anything.” 

You waved him off, and sat down with the kids. 

JJ started the craft and then planned your hasty escape as the two boys were enraptured by making the perfect macaroni necklace, dusting it in objectively too much glitter as they proudly created their art. 

In the kitchen, she handed you a mug, and you sipped it quietly as she began again. 

“So, you're not dating?” 

“Nope.”

“And he doesn't know you're pregnant?” 

“No.” You took another sip and shifted from one foot to the other. 

You knew what was coming next. It was what you'd gotten next from Emily, from Penelope, from yourself when you'd thought about it for longer than ten seconds. You needed to tell him. 

“Okay. What's your next move?” 

You were so shocked you almost splashed the hot tea over the mug you held, close to burning yourself as you turned to face her. 

“I… what?” 

“Well, what's your next move? You're what, five months along? You're not going to be able to hide it for much longer. And you have to think about maternity leave, your hospital stay, and names, and who's going to drive you to the hospital. And obviously, how you're going to pay the hospital fee, and then custody and child support.”

“Oh god…” 

“And you also have to sort your relationship out with Spencer. So where are you starting?” 

It wasn't a question that didn't have an answer. JJ was staring at you, waiting for one as you opened and closed your mouth, head suddenly so empty you almost forgot what you were talking about. 

“He doesn't like me,” you suddenly blurted and wished you hadn't, face crumpling as you physically cringed at your own words. 

“Y/N, he was telling us about your toothbrush yesterday. Part of the office has a theory that he made up this case as a reason to get closer to you.” 

Again, you felt the heat blossom on tour skin as you looked away, taking another sip. 

“We don't do anything but argue.” 

“You do at least one other thing,” JJ said, hands on her hips as she confronted you. 

“No, that doesn't count. We were still arguing while we were doing…that.” 

“TMI,” she groaned as you fanned yourself. “Y/N, I know for a fact that Spencer is at least half in love with you. If you're absolutely sure you don't feel the same way, you need to at least let him down easy.”

“I…. I don't know. He's infuriating sometimes, but then he's so smart and annoying. But he's pretty great at comforting me. And the, uh, the other stuff, that was good, too.” 

“Don't need to-” 

“Like really good. Like, I'm not surprised I ended up pregnant practically first time good-” 

“Back on topic, please!” JJ whisper shouted, throwing her hands up as you zipped your mouth shut.

“You like him,” she said. 

You sighed and finally gave in. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I like him.” 

“Great. What next?” 

“Next, I tell him I'm pregnant and make him hate me for a while.” 

She patted you on the back and poised you another mug of tea before leading you back over to the kids and sitting beside them at the table. 

“We can plan something later. For now, macaroni art is calling.”

You weren't sure if it was the stern, practical pep-talk from JJ or the little tiny grasp of your hand from Michael. Maybe it was even Henry's goodbye of ‘see you soon, Auntie Y/N’ that had you suddenly invigorated, but you suddenly kicked yourself into gear. 

The pregnancy wasn't going to put itself on pause while you worked up the courage to tell Spencer about it. You had to do it. 

JJ dropped you off at home at 6 p.m., knowing that Spencer would be back at the apartment shortly. 

“You're sure you don't need me to stay up there with you? The commute can get a bit long this time of night, Spencer could be anywhere between 15 and 45 minutes.”

“No, I think… I think I need some time to think about how I'm going to do this. I need some alone time.”

She nodded quietly and sent you off after calling Spencer and giving him an update on your whereabouts. 

You paced the apartment wondering what the best option was. 

You could go for the bookshelf again, though it was still organised into your first message. You'd not moved a book in that stack at all, and surprisingly, neither had Spencer. 

Running into your room, you grabbed the pair of baby shoes you'd thrown into your bag from your apartment. Maybe if you left them on the shelf next to the books…? 

You put them there and frowned, wondering if he'd be able to see them from the door when he walked in. He was so used to the surroundings of his house that he really didn't check for irregularities. 

You moved them to the coffee table. Then you wondered if you should just hand them to him when he walked in. 

“Spencer. I am..pregnant,” you practised, looking into the bathroom mirror as you tried to force a smile. 

“Spencer. We're pregnant. No, not a chance,” you sighed. 

“Spencer, I have a parasite growing in me. I've had it for five months now, and then I'll have it for another four and hopefully a long time after that as well.” 

That one was mostly a joke. Mostly. 

“Spencer, I… We're going to have a baby.” You looked down at your bump again and decided that was probably your best option. It wasn't a state. It wasn't a condition or a parasite. It was a baby. 

You rubbed your stomach again and looked up, wiping away tears from the corner of your eye as you composed yourself again. 

The doorbell rang, and your heart race picked up. It was time. Spencer was home, and you were going to tell him. 

Suddenly, you were filled with excitement, with happiness. You ran to the door, stepping on the sofa to get there quicker as you ran to pull it open. 

Maybe it was the pregnancy brain fog, but you forgot where you were. 

Spencer Reid lived in this apartment. He didn't need to knock on the door or ring the doorbell. He'd never done it before. But you'd already swung the door open quickly, and you were so relaxed and ready for it to be him that when a hand extended and covered your mouth with a cloth, thick with a scent that had your body protesting, you could do nothing but crumple to the floor with your hands cradling yourself, protecting the life growing within you. 

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[yoonieper]

For the Birds— Part 1 | JJK

I want you to stay even though you don’t want me.

♡ Pairing: Jungkook x Reader (ft Yuri) 

♡ Genre: angst, smut, future fluff

♡ Rated: A for Analyze 

♡ Series Warnings: Lots of smut (not always healthy), cheating, discussions of depression, this series includes Jk in a pretty toxic environment, degradation (not the sexy kind), manipulation, and overall Jk being in an emotionally abusive situation!

♡ Chapter Warnings: Therapy sessions (major wee woo!), Jk has nsfw thoughts, verbal abuse, Jk has a panic attack, lots of tears, beware friends ⚠️!

♡ Word Count: 19.8k

♡ Summary: As the son of the CEO at Golden Tech, a marriage was arranged in the name of business. Jungkook really tried to make the most of his situation and be the best husband he could be, but no matter how much he tried, his wife just doesn’t seem to want him. Then you… you came into his life and his eyes couldn’t help but wander.

♡ Now Playing: Call Out My Name by The Weeknd— see masterlist for full playlist!  

♡ Betas: Thank you so much to @illyrian-book-lover and @teawithhoneyandlemon for reading this part for me! If you’re interested in betaing a future part, dm me! If you're interested in becoming a permanent beta for this series please first click here and refer to 'details about the job' section for more details and dm for any questions you might have! 

♡ Author’s Note: Prepare my friends for the emotional journey ahead! This road is long so get ready for all the ups and downs :’)  

No reposting, modifying. Translating is not allowed unless given explicit permission. Thank you so much : D

previous chapter « main masterlist ✩ series masterlist » coming 7/15

A year and a half later…

Jungkook looked down at his watch, his leg bounced restlessly as he stared at the long, thin hand circle around the clock. Every sound in the waiting room felt like he was hearing a pin drop in the world’s quietest room. The smallest noises sounded like an explosion to his sensitive ears, and just made him more on edge: the secretary typing away on her keyboard, the water circulating in the fish tank beside him, the shuffling behind the door— he could have pulled out his hair at how tense his body felt. 

Jungkook swiftly twisted the golden band around his ring finger as the seconds ticked away. He had been waiting here for the past twenty minutes and he’d started to regret coming so early. He thought being here would help him calm down, but it seemed to make things worse as his eyes trained on the door. 

People might think Jungkook was minutes away from walking to his execution with how nervous he was about this upcoming appointment. Jimin had even said he looked like a ghost before he left work earlier. His fear was completely irrational, he knew that, but it was forcing him to come face to face with something that would keep him up at night.

Being analyzed.

There was no way to describe it other than it was as if someone was staring at him from across the room. They thought he didn’t notice, but he could see behind their eyes they had put him under a microscope, and were trying to peel back all the layers of his psyche that he didn’t know even existed. He could feel their judgmental gaze, and under their watch, he grew more self-conscious about every molecule that made up his being. On most occasions, Jungkook at least could hope it was all in his head, but today, he was walking straight into this nightmare.

Therapy was strange like that.

“Jeon Jungkook?” A soft, but deep voice called out, making him nearly jump out of his chair. Jungkook looked over and was shocked to see someone standing beside him. It was the same man from the website. 

He was dressed in a nice, black suit and wore a serious expression; he had sharp eyes, longer hair, and square glasses that rested on the bridge of his nose. But the man still managed to radiate kindness with the pleasant contrast of his soft smile and delicate features. Standing up, Jungkook also realized the man was a couple of centimeters shorter than him, he needed to look up to meet his gaze.

Seeing him in person for some reason had him steadily beginning to feel more at ease.

The man smiled at him before guiding Jungkook into his office. It was a nice-sized room, decorated with modern, monochrome furniture, but it maintained its cozy feel with all the soft pillows and a blanket draped across the couch. A giant window overlooked Seoul’s emerging nightlife, a view not so different from what he was greeted with in his own office. Everything about this room helped the nerves he had been battling with all day begin to settle down.

This is for the better, things are finally going to get better— Jungkook kept telling himself as he sat down on the couch. The man took a seat in the big chair in front of him after having gone to his desk to retrieve a simple, yellow-lined notepad.

This was really happening.

“Alright. It’s nice to meet you Jungkook, I’m Dr. Min Yoongi. The time right now is 7:21pm, on April 4th, year 2023.” The doctor said, glancing down at his watch, writing something on the notepad, before returning his gaze back up to Jungkook. “As you should know, I’m a licensed couples therapist and I’m here to help you in whatever might be troubling you in your relationship. This will be our intake interview, and as you were told before, I will meet with you and your wife separately before we begin having our sessions together.” All of this was stuff Jungkook knew about, he had a feeling this was more so a reminder and for whatever record the doctor kept. 

Dr. Min quickly scribbled something on his notepad again before looking up at him. He hadn’t even said anything yet, what could he possibly be writing? 

“Alright Jungkook, I just wanted to ask if you had any questions for me or any concerns you wanted to discuss before we start?” Dr. Min eventually asked.

Jungkook tried to snap himself out of his anxious daze by shaking his head. “There’s nothing I can think of, I’m just a little nervous, I’m sorry.” He could hear it in his voice, the unmistakable shakiness to his tone, he was sure the doctor noticed. 

“You’re nervous?” Dr. Min smiled. 

Jungkook nodded, knowing it was impossible to hide it. 

“Therapy… this is new for me.” Jungkook laughed lightly, but it was a big deal for him to be here. 

Jimin had been the main one to encourage him to seek professional help. After the suggestion, Jungkook had absentmindedly brought it up to his parents when he went over to their house for dinner. They had laughed in his face at the mention of it.

“Your marriage is fine, why waste money on something like that?” His father had snickered as he ate his caviar. 

“The only issue you both have is that I don’t have any grandkids yet.” His mother quickly added, and his father joined in because that was the only thing they ever seemed to talk about when Jungkook visited. 

Therapy wasn’t necessarily a new thing he’d considered doing. It had been brought to his attention when he was in high school. After his brother left, he was faced with the daunting new responsibility of being the one who was going to take over the company one day. As much as he was excited for the opportunity, he was also absolutely terrified with all the extra pressure suddenly on his shoulders.

A friend had suggested for him to talk to a professional after he had done so himself and raved about how much it helped him. When he brought it up to his parents, much like now, they laughed and instead told him he should just talk to them about any worries he had. 

He listened to them back then, but after a particularly nasty fight with Yuri, Jungkook was looking for answers, and the only place he might get real advice was from a professional. That very day he looked for couples therapists and booked with Dr. Min, hoping it might finally bring the change he’s been wanting for years. 

“I understand, therapy can be a little intimidating for some. Tell me Jungkook, what are you hoping to accomplish out of our sessions together?” Dr. Min asked, still maintaining that friendly gaze that made it seem so easy to spill all his worries. 

Jungkook let out a sigh of relief knowing this was an easy question for him to answer. 

“I just want to know what I’m doing wrong… I know it’s my fault and…” as he spoke, he could already feel the tears stinging his eyes. “I want professional advice because I know I messed up, and I just want things to get better between me and my wife.” Jungkook was practically pleading for help. 

Things had to get better. 

Dr. Min tried his best not to let it show how shocked he was at the amount of blame Jungkook was putting on himself already. Most of the clients who come in usually talk primarily about what their partner was doing wrong in their eyes, or put most, if not all of the blame on the issues in their marriage on their unknowing spouse. It would usually take many sessions to even scratch the surface of the issues that they might contribute to. He’s seen that extreme end far more often than what Jungkook posed. It immediately painted a strange impression in his mind of the dynamic between the couple. 

“Why do you think it’s all your fault?” He asked. 

“I mean… it must be, right? I feel like my wife hates me and…” Jungkook sighed knowing he would finally need to get to that significant detail “—because we’re in an arranged marriage I’ve been trying my hardest— or what I thought was my hardest— to make our situation work, but nothing I’m doing is helping our relationship get any better.” 

He really didn’t like to tell people that Yuri and him were arranged. Most people thought they were just two young people who found love early in life, a blazing flame that pushed the couple to be bold and take that next big step so quickly into their lives. Only their families and the people who attended their wedding knew that their marriage was nothing more than a business deal. 

All of this was laid down a little quickly for Dr. Min. He knew with this being a high-profile client, the fact that Jungkook was coming to him meant there was something serious going on with the marriage. Most high-profiles like to keep the issues of their relationships as private as possible, seeking outside help was quite uncommon unfortunately. He’s certainly never handled an arranged marriage before, and that fact was going to make most of his usual techniques useless. 

Jungkook could tell by the look on the doctor’s face that this probably wasn’t what he was expecting, but he wanted to have faith in the man. Dr. Min was known as one of the best in the country for a reason, hopefully he could help no matter the circumstances. 

“Well, I’m not going to blame you. Relationships require both parties to make work, but it’s great that you’re stepping out and trying therapy. Who knows what we might uncover in our sessions together that could help you both in the long run?” Dr. Min gave a reassuring smile to the younger man and he was happy to see Jungkook ease up a little more. 

“Anyway, let’s just get into some general questions to help guide us through this session. Why don’t you tell me about your marriage? I mean, just looking at your file you’re a little young to be married. How long have you and your wife been together?” It was a standard preliminary question, but in this case was extra vital to obtain. 

“Three years— We just celebrated our anniversary on the 21st last month.” Jungkook mentioned. Yoongi tried not to look too surprised but he was seven years older than him, and he and his wife were just about to celebrate their fourth anniversary in June.

“March 21st, 2020?” Dr. Min reiterated and Jungkook steadily nodded. 

That was only a little less than a year after him and his wife had gotten married, and Jungkook was only twenty-five? This was extremely uncommon here in Korea— the only clients he’s seen come in around that age were couples asking for simple advice on how to make their relationship work in the long run; even those instances were rare. More often than not, most couples don’t typically invest in therapy because of the unfortunate financial cost. Yoongi was most of the time helping out married couples or fiancés who had a bit more at stake if the relationship were to go south. 

Jungkook hadn’t even met the average age at which couples tend to get married, he was still far from it— being twenty-five he was four years behind the overall average and six for men in South Korea. And that was based on his age now. When he first got married it was seven and nine. Finding out he was arranged, the situation made a lot more sense than when he was just reviewing his file.

Yoongi had wondered if Jungkook potentially filled out some wrong information when he looked over his forms before the appointment started. While he was relieved that wasn’t the case, the reality was a bit more concerning. 

“Yeah, it was a few weeks after my commencement.” Jungkook added.

Yoongi couldn’t help but question why the parents would allow this to happen. He grew more and more baffled the longer Jungkook spoke, but now was not the time nor the place to be judgmental. 

“How did you feel about getting married that young?” Dr. Min inquired further. 

Jungkook sat back and grabbed the pillow beside him. He was a little unsure at first how to answer that question. It was something he used to ponder a lot when he first got married— twenty-two years old and already tied down—  it sounded unreal to anyone he talked to. He never really got the chance to experience much before he had to “settle down.” Jungkook used to think about this a lot at the start. However, as time passed, he tried to focus more on saving the marriage he ruined, rather than mourning what he missed out on because he was arranged.

“I had a plan for myself before my parents told me I was going to get married. I had everything thought out for when I graduated college and getting married pretty much caused my whole plan to derail… I don’t want to speak for Yuri, but I feel like our engagement probably hit me harder.” Jungkook said, looking away into the distance. 

“What makes you say that?” Dr. Min questioned. 

Jungkook sat back on the cozy couch as he thought back to it. “I had this dreamy expectation of what being married would be like. Yuri and I hardly knew each other before they told us we were getting married so I had a lot of doubts if anything could ever come out of our relationship.”

He had pictured love at his wedding, yet he didn’t even know his wife’s favorite color as she walked down the aisle.  

“I knew it wouldn’t be all sunshine and rainbows, that there would be hurdles we’d need to overcome, even more than your typical relationship. It was scary and I was so worried about becoming like my parents.” Jungkook's brows furrowed as he thought about it. 

This immediately piqued Dr. Min’s curiosity and he could tell Jungkook was hesitant about elaborating any further. “Don’t worry, everything in our session will remain just between us.” Yoongi reassured him with a smile. 

It wasn’t like it was that big of a secret. Jungkook took a deep breath before starting. 

“They’re only together for our family’s public image, and me and my brother. They were arranged when they were young as well, and it would take me too long to go into just the details I know, but…” Jungkook just let the silence speak louder than he ever could. “They tried to make it work at first, but it didn’t last very long. Their relationship was hostile, if you could even say they had one in the first place. They’ve cheated on each other a countless amount of times, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were other peop—”

Jungkook could never forget his distinct memories of seeing people he hadn’t met before walking through their house unexpectedly. Some of them he only remembered seeing once, others stayed for a little while and became regulars at their residence. His parents would always reassure him and his brother they were just “friends” who stayed over. Growing older made the odd memories present themselves as what they truly were. 

He also remembered all the fighting, the callous words they would spew at each other at night that he could hear from across the hall, and the look of disdain on their faces in the morning. Their relationship, if you can call it that, was turbulent to say the least. Jungkook always wondered how he ended up here, considering how things were when they were still trying to make it work. 

“I always thought their marriage looked more like a prison than anything beautiful. They made it work for our sake, but I never wanted to live like that.” Jungkook’s own words were starting to get to him the more he realized his marriage might suffer an even worse fate. 

A pivotal moment came when he was too small to understand the consequences of his actions; it was at this point, when he was first exposed to the true reality of their family dynamic. His parents had taken him and his brother to the park, he still didn’t know what caused his young mind to go there, but for some reason as they were walking to the playground, Jungkook realized how off things were about their family. It was then that he suddenly asked his mom and dad why they weren’t like all the other parents and couples walking around holding hands. 

“Mom and dad don’t love each other the same way others do.” His dad answered and his mom had so easily agreed— way too easily. It was so stark, so to the point, and at the time he didn’t really get it but their words stuck with him as the years passed and he started to make more sense of their family’s situation.

His young mind didn’t really get relationships, he was still in that phase where he thought all girls had cooties and that boys rule and girls drool, but he could tell something was off with how his parents were with each other. When he actually learned the reason, a strange anger started to brew inside him over the years. A permanent wall his family could never climb. Jungkook had blamed them for most of his life because they could never be a normal family and he swore to himself he never wanted to give his own kids the same fate one day.

But at least his parents could tolerate each other now. They were more like friends these days than anything else, and they knew how to come together when needed. But Yuri seemed like she couldn’t even stand being in the same room as him. 

He had to do something.

“I wanted passion, the thing that people write entire movies, songs, and shows about; I wanted the fireworks, the butterflies, magic— I had really looked forward to it.” It was a little silly, but he had always been a hopeless romantic. Jungkook felt his cheeks burn as his attention focused on the doctor in front of him. “I’m sorry— this probably sounds ridiculous.” He shied.

Dr. Min laughed. “I’m a couples therapist. I know better than anyone else what you’re talking about.”

Jungkook smiled at this, but his cheeks were still on fire. “I had always pictured something like that in my relationship, and don’t get me started on what I thought things would be like when I got married.” He laughed and the doctor joined in. He already embarrassed himself enough as it is.  

“But then I was forced into the exact same situation as my parents with someone I hardly knew. I was terrified I’d end up in that hell.” Jungkook sighed. He had somehow ended up somewhere even worse.

Dr. Min noted on his pad again. 

“This seems to mean a lot to you then.” The doctor commented. 

“It really does and… I mean, besides Yuri, I didn’t have any relationship experience. I focused on school ever since I learned I was going to be the one taking over the company. I thought I would have more time once I graduated but…” 

“Talk about that a little more, what do you mean you didn’t have any relationship experience?” Dr. Min pressed further. He tried his best to hide the shock in his voice. Jungkook was definitely someone he wouldn’t expect to have trouble in that department. 

“I was really busy when I was still in school. I hardly had time to do anything, and certainly not enough to commit to a relationship— at least, the kind I knew I wanted. I was waiting until I had time for something more serious, but then suddenly I was engaged. I never went on a date, never had a girlfriend… I did a little physical stuff in college but it was just experimentation rather than anything passionate. Yuri was my first in a lot of ways.” Dr. Min took extra notes of this. 

“Mmmm is that why you think you’re the issue in the relationship?” Dr. Min asked as he continued to write. This was a factor he especially believed played a part in Jungkook’s apparent lack of confidence in the relationship.

“We wouldn’t be here if I knew what I was doing.” Jungkook sadly chuckled. He truly had no idea what a relationship should be like besides the romanticized versions he’d seen in movies and dramas. 

“That’s not necessarily true— did Yuri have more experience going into your marriage?” 

Jungkook nodded. “I know she had a boyfriend in high school and then there was another guy she dated in her first two years of college. She was miles ahead of me in that department.” 

Yoongi noted that down. “And did Yuri tell you this?” 

He nodded his head. “She talks about them occasionally.”

“In what way?” Dr. Min questioned as he raised an eyebrow.

Jungkook stared at the doctor, suddenly, the nerves quickly came back. “Um—” He stammered. “She’ll compare me to them sometimes, mainly when I do things wrong.” Jungkook mumbled the last part, the embarrassment creeping up once again, heating up his cheeks. 

The doctor stopped writing, the silence that hung in the air felt like it lasted an eternity. “And how does that make you feel?” Dr. Min asked, commiseration filling his tone.

Jungkook quickly needed to fight back the tears as he thought about all the times Yuri would bring up her exes. She would scream in his face how much better they made her feel, and how he could never compare. 

…

“Worthless.” It was a simple, one-word answer that slipped out without much thought. He regretted it as soon as it left his mouth; his eyes grew more watery as he watched the doctor’s expression change to one filled with pity. He hated it.

Jungkook knew now that he deserved it. She was unhappy and it was all his fault. Her boyfriends, when they were younger, did more for her than her own husband; even after being married for the last three years. 

“I’m not surprised you feel that way. We’ll need to discuss this more in depth during a session where I have you both together, but comparison is never healthy for any relationship. I like to think of fresh relationships as the start to a brand new chapter of your life— whatever happened in previous chapters with other people, might have helped shape the story of the person you are today, but now you both begin this new chapter together. Whatever happened in the past should stay in the past, instead, you should be focusing on how you both are going to choose to write this chapter now that you have each other in your lives. Again, I’ll be sure to talk about this more when Yuri’s here, but comparison is never healthy for anybody.” Dr. Min put it so eloquently, but still Jungkook couldn’t help but think he didn’t deserve the advice.  

If he was a better husband, Yuri wouldn’t have the need to compare him.   

“Alright, before we move forward, I just want to make sure I have a clear picture of the situation. Can you elaborate the details of the arrangement with your wife? Did your parents just put you two together randomly or was there something else involved?” Yoongi was struggling to picture how things happened exactly.

Jungkook quickly wiped away the tears before he nodded once again, realizing that might be important. “It wasn’t random at all— then again, when I offered to take over the company from my brother, I had no idea I would be put in that position but—“

“Your brother— What happened there? How about you start from the beginning.” Yoongi interrupted, focused on trying to get as many details as possible.

Jungkook internally slapped himself, realizing he was talking to the doctor like he knew all of the important details. 

“My older brother was supposed to be the one to inherit the company, but he never wanted to take over Golden Tech. Junghyeon and my parents would fight all the time for years about him needing to fulfill his duty while he wanted to forget it all and pursue his dream. When it came down to which college he was going to attend, things just got extra tense when he revealed he applied and got accepted into his dream school. I hated the fighting, plus I was more interested in the company anyway, so I volunteered to take his place so he could live out his dream.” It still felt like yesterday that it all happened. Jungkook had felt so good when he stepped up and let his brother go do what he always wanted. 

He can’t say he would have made the same choice now— maybe Junghyeon would have still been better suited to run the company despite his lack of enthusiasm for the position.

Dr. Min awed and wrote that down. He knew he would have follow-up questions, that context opening up a whole new can of worms, but he didn’t want to keep interrupting Jungkook. “Ok… I think I got it, you can keep going.”

Jungkook took a deep breath before continuing. “Well it wasn’t random, but they never mentioned anything to my brother about being in an arranged marriage nor did they say anything to me when I took over his position. It came out of nowhere. But Yuri’s dad and mine were close pretty much all of our lives despite them being each other's competition. Apparently, in private, they made this deal with each other that benefited both companies so they could rely on each other a little more and wouldn’t need to compete as hard. There was a lot of good that came with the contract, I saw it myself. The one bad thing about it was that they decided the  only way to seal a deal like that would be to actually become family— that’s how me and Yuri got these.” Jungkook held up his hand to show off his wedding band. 

Interesting. 

“So you’re not only married but there’s a contract involved in your relationship?” Dr. Min asked and Jungkook nodded.

“We signed our marriage license first, and then immediately after we stamped the contract. Our wedding went from our ceremony into a party celebrating the contract being finalized.” It was just another thing that made their wedding a little strange.

Knowing that information now, the situation was starting to make a little more sense. It explained the disregard for the couple’s young age with the fact that business was involved. Still it was a bit odd, like why did this deal need to be formed in the first place? Why did the contract have to be stamped immediately? There were still many questions that needed to be answered, but this information was useful to have when considering the subjects to cover in their sessions together.

“It makes even more sense why this is such a big deal to you.” Yoongi added as he finished up his notes. Jungkook steadily nodded at his words.

“It’s not as simple as my marriage will fall apart if things don’t work out— there are so many people relying on me to make this work. I have to make this work, and for some reason, I can’t find a way to make her happy.” Jungkook tried to stop the way his voice wavered, but saying it out loud just made things real all over again. 

The stakes were high, and if he failed, he— 

“Now that I have the big picture, we can move back to your relationship and the troubles you’re having right now. What about Yuri? What specific issues are you having with her?” The question had Jungkook stunned for a second because of course there were things he wanted to bring up, but the guilt had him hesitating. What if Dr. Min knew how awful he was?

“I just want us to be in a happy relationship. I feel it’s my lack of experience that’s getting in the way of that happening. I don’t know what I’m doing but…”

“But?” Dr. Min emphasized as he tried to meet his gaze. Jungkook was clearly avoiding it as he stared down at his lap. 

“But I feel like I’m trying hard to make us work. I just wish she’d touch me more.” It was a dirty confession, something he’d secretly wished for years. How dare he?

“Sexually?” Dr. Min hurriedly scribbled on his pad.

“I just want her to touch me… hold my hand, kiss me, cuddle, anything. I want her to want me.” Saying it out loud was horrible. He was just waiting for that gaze that suggested how pathetic he was, he deserved it for complaining, but that never came as Dr. Min's expression softened once again to something more sympathetic. 

“Do you want to do all that with Yuri?” The doctor followed up with. The question seemed weird to him at first, but then Jungkook realized no one had ever asked him that before. 

“Of course I do… she’s my wife.” He tried to laugh. 

“I get that Jungkook, but considering this is an arranged marriage, I’m just trying to understand where your relationship stands at this moment.” 

The question became that much more daunting because he didn’t have an answer for that. “It’s complicated… I don’t want to answer for Yuri but…” the words just weren’t coming to him. 

Jungkook had to think about it for a while. “I feel, despite us being married for three years, we're still getting to know each other. We’ve had good moments— great moments sometimes… if I find out what I’m doing wrong, I’m sure we can share those moments together a lot more often.” 

Just two weeks ago they were celebrating their third year together— or, well, “celebrating.” Their families just enjoyed holding a small gathering to celebrate the anniversary of the contract being stamped rather than the marriage itself, even though they masked it that way. 

Three years together and what did he have to show for it? He hardly knew the woman he was legally bound to, and he’d just made her life miserable since the day they said their “I do”s on the altar three years ago. 

People around him wished them a “happy anniversary” and pictures of him and Yuri were sprawled around the restaurant they had rented out for the occasion. It was all a lie, every picture where they stared lovingly into each other’s eyes, every wish for so many years to come felt bittersweet. He honestly wondered how anyone could have believed them, they seemed so fake in his opinion. 

Jungkook had spent the whole day feeling awful and mourning the relationship he could have had. The gathering could have been a real celebration of their three years together, if he just was a little better— not just better, if he wasn’t him, how happy her life might be right now.  

It was the main reason Jungkook worked up the courage to meet a therapist. Something had to change. He hoped seeing a professional might be the answer.

Dr. Min nodded slowly as he continued to write his notes. Jungkook wondered what he could possibly be writing. He hoped it was the answers to fix him so he could finally make Yuri happy, but he feared he would only hear the same judgmental remarks he’s grown used to these days. 

“You mentioned you had a plan after your graduation… what did that look like for you?” Dr. Min asked suddenly as he looked back up at him. 

Jungkook was a little stunned at the question at first, but then he tried to rack his brain to remember the plan he’d made what seemed like forever ago at this point. “I had planned to take a break from school before knowing I would get married. It would have been just a year, maybe two at the most in order to establish myself at Golden Tech a little more. I was going to get my master’s sometime after that, and when I got that out the way, I could finally focus on my job and get as much experience as possible before I needed to step up as CEO. However, I got married and I haven’t gotten the chance to go back like I wanted.”

“And why’s that?”

“I’m already busy with work, trying to manage a job, school, and settling into my new relationship was something I knew would be impossible. I wanted Yuri and I to be in a good place before going back but… it’s taking longer than I expected.” Jungkook tried not to think about it too much, he’s already got two degrees which, to some, might be enough. Having a master's would simply be a nice addition at this point, but it was something he always planned and wanted to have— something he still hoped to get one day. 

As much as their relationship has been like a rollercoaster, he still had a glimmer of hope that they could fix things and he could go back to school. 

“Plus, well, I have more than just myself to take care of now. Maybe it was for the best that I work full time, I gain more experience at work than in any classroom.” Jungkook was trying to be optimistic, but just thinking that by now he would have graduated and completed his educational journey, made the sadness come back all too easily. 

But he had a wife, a family he needed to take care of. 

Most people always assumed Jungkook was just this spoiled rich kid who lived off of his parents’ money, and was simply waiting for his dad to retire to finally take over the company. Jungkook never wanted that to be the case and made sure he worked just as hard, sometimes even harder, to prove he was capable.

Truth be told, he stopped living off his parents’ money the minute he graduated high school. It was a choice inspired by his brother's bold decision to just pick up and leave the country. He felt there was a lot to learn about the world, something he knew he would never experience if he had remained sheltered and continued to solely rely on his parents. That experience was especially important if he was going to run a company someday.

He lived like most of his peers who moved away from home. He lived in this cute, tiny apartment, went to work nearly every day, and struggled hard at night to catch up on his schoolwork. He was relatively normal besides the fact he drove a Mercedes to get to class— a graduation present from his father that he just couldn’t let sit somewhere. Besides that, he was  on his own. 

It wasn’t something his parents encouraged. They constantly wanted to give him money any chance they could. Jungkook just wanted to test being on his own and build the life experience most of his peers had. 

Throughout college he lived off of any money he made from his part time jobs, gigs, and desk job at Golden Tech. 

The only reason he was able to move straight into the fancy place they lived in now, was the fact that the apartment was a wedding gift from both his and Yuri’s parents. The whole reason they can live so well now is because of how hard he’s worked over the years! Would any of this be possible if he hadn’t worked full-time?

He had bills to pay and a wife to make happy, there was no way he could have managed to do that and school at the same time. 

Yes, Yuri was his priority. 

Dr. Min observed the way Jungkook seemingly faded out of the conversation, his eyes were wide as he stared out of the window. 

Hmm. 

He made sure to circle this topic on his notes for when Yuri came. 

“Jungkook, you mentioned earlier about intimacy between you and Yuri— I meant to ask, how's your sex life?” The very blunt question had Jungkook’s eyes nearly bulging out of his head and quickly returning back to the doctor. His cheeks grew more pink the more he processed Dr. Min’s words.

“You don’t need to give details, I’m just trying to get a feel as to where the issues might be lying in the relationship. The fact you’re in an arranged marriage, makes this question even more important. Have you both made it to that stage in your relationship? If so, how soon? Are you satisfied?” Dr. Min reiterated. 

“Ummm…” Jungkook felt his face grow hot. How was he going to explain it was one of the biggest issues in their relationship?

“Our honeymoon… we, you know.” Jungkook hoped Dr. Min would get the picture, and was relieved when he nodded. 

“It was a bit too soon— me and Yuri hardly knew each other. We only went on three dates before we got engaged and then we were married. Our parents knew each other so I’d seen her a couple of times in the past, but our honeymoon was really one of our first chances at getting to know each other. It was nice… really, really nice.” Dr. Min noticed Jungkook’s soft smile at the mention of the trip. 

“I feel maybe it was better to get to know each other a little more before we took that step, but you know…” No, he probably didn’t. Jungkook was such a sad human being for giving in so easily the minute she sat on his lap in the hot tub they found themselves in that day. He knew that now. 

“I understand— two young people alone on a trip together— there’s nothing wrong with that.” Dr. Min tried to reassure him, noticing the way Jungkook got quiet. 

“But things have been weird ever since we got back. I thought we just needed to adjust a little bit to our new life, but I feel I was doing a better job back then than I’m doing now.” Jungkook tried to laugh, but he couldn’t. Why couldn’t he remember what he did back then to make her want to be that close? 

Why was he so horrible at being a husband? 

“Jungkook, you never answered if you were satisfied.” Dr. Min tried to dig down, sensing this topic was sensitive. 

“I try to be…” Jungkook said aimlessly, playing with the corner of the blanket that had somehow made its way onto his lap. 

“What do you mean by that?” 

“I try to give her what she wants but…” He could never forget her comments: 

“Why would I ever want you when you don’t stop thinking with your dick for just 5 seconds?!” Jungkook had only tried to pull her close to cuddle. She saw right through his guise.

“Look at the fucking mess you made! You’re disgusting!” Yuri screamed as she pointed to spots on the bed where his cum had seeped through his pants. He’d gotten a little too excited while eating her out and made a mess. Yuri had always hated messes. 

“Maybe I’d let you fuck me if you lasted more than two seconds.” Even that was generous, that day he barely made it inside before he was spilling into the condom. He could argue and say they never have sex and he was sensitive, but he couldn’t imagine how frustrating that would be. 

“Why are you crying again? You’re fucking pathetic…” Yuri rolled her eyes after she told him he’d never be good enough for her. There had been a little light in the room, just Yuri’s lamp on her nightstand, when he took off his shirt. Apparently, the view had been that unsightly, she got so upset when he tried to get back on top of her. They never fuck with the lights on anymore, she says it’s easier this way. 

Jimin says he cares way too much about what Yuri says, but he wanted to look good for her. 

Just this morning Jungkook had spent his time in the shower, staring into the glass at his reflection. He hadn’t gotten the chance to go to the gym all week, work taking up all his time, but his week away from the gym had already started to show consequences. That muscle definition he cherished so much was already starting to soften, Yuri doesn’t like it when he’s like that. 

He lives for her praise— those moments when she smiles, when she laughs, when she pleads for him to make her cum. Those moments are few and far between. 

While the criticism hurt, she had every right to be upset. It was clear he lacked in so many aspects at being a good husband, let alone a good partner in general. 

Yuri would always tell him how happy In Kyung Sam made her when they dated— her last ex from college, the person she mainly compared him to. Jungkook had stalked him on Instagram and it was clear he was far from what Yuri wanted. 

He just needed to do better.

“I don’t think I’m good enough.” Jungkook didn’t realize he started crying until he saw the drops start to hit the pillow on his lap. He tried to work hard, tried to be a good husband, but he hated to admit how tired he was these days. The dark circles around his eyes showed his effort, and Jimin told him how much thinner he’d gotten— most noticeably, in his face.

Jungkook skipped way too many meals these days. He tried his best to follow those protein diets recommended by bodybuilders, but work always got in the way and he would forget to eat more often than not. It wasn’t on purpose, but lately, he was starting to look just as sad and tired on the outside as he felt on the inside. 

Hopefully therapy would help.

Dr. Min watched the breakdown ensue, it’s happened with other clients before; eventually, they get to a touchy subject and they become emotional. However, something about watching the tears so easily spill from his eyes, was a little unsettling. Jungkook wasn’t loud, he didn’t make a scene, but his eyes grew redder by the second, his face more pained, and his cheeks more soaked with tears. His gaze however remained on the pillow and blanket that he had become fixated on.

“Jungkook, please don’t say that. I don’t know what Yuri’s done to make you feel this way, but never say you’re not good enough.” Dr. Min took off his glasses and set them on the table, before handing him the box of tissues that sat on the little table in between them. 

“I want her to love me, to want me so bad that it hurts her as much as it hurts me—“ It was then that his voice started to quiver. “I feel like I try so hard but nothing works, I’m so tired…” He was beyond tired at this point. Sometimes he felt like giving up entirely. 

Jungkook had even started feeling less confident at work. He couldn't even satisfy one woman. How would he ever be able to make the employees at Golden Tech happy, let alone the consumers, business partners, the media— how could he ever live up to his father’s legacy? 

It scared him the amount of times he considered telling his father to hand the position to someone that might be more suitable. What would his father think of him? It almost felt inevitable at this point at how much of a disappointment he was these days.   

His thoughts were spiraling; recently, they always do. 

“It’s ok to be tired, but you’ve already made a great step in coming here.” Dr. Min tried to be the shoulder Jungkook could lean on, but he was too focused on all the red flags waving around in his head. 

Jungkook didn’t give too much detail about Yuri, but Dr. Min had been a therapist long enough to know that this might go beyond just simple marital issues. He wanted to press for more details, but suddenly Jungkook’s phone started buzzing in his jacket pocket. It was almost startling to see how fast the young man wiped away his tears, before he reached into his pocket and answered his phone. 

“Hello?” Jungkook’s voice was a little hoarse, but his tone shifted to sound a lot more professional than the soft one he used with him. Yoongi quickly figured this must be a work call. 

“Wha— I’m a little busy—“ Jungkook tried to interject, but silence passed as he listened to the person on the other end.

“Oh? Oh… I see— I’ll come straight in then.” That sadness in his voice returned all too quickly, but Dr. Min could tell he was trying to mask it. 

The call ended soon after, and Jungkook looked at the clock to see that they still had 10 minutes left of their session. 

“I’m sorry, I’m going to need to cut our session short. I thought I was done for the day but…” Jungkook tried to smile, but he couldn’t. For some reason, he wanted to stay and talk more. This must be a good sign. 

“I understand.” Yoongi said as he stood up with Jungkook.

“I look forward to seeing you again and meeting your wife tomorrow.” Usually during these sessions, Dr. Min tried his best to remain unbiased regarding couples’ problems, especially during these initial one-on-one intake interviews, but he was already starting to get a worrisome picture in his head of this woman. Their meeting tomorrow will be the real teller. 

Jungkook smiled lightly before heading for the door. Dr. Min wanted to stop him, for some reason, he feared letting him go in his state, but all he could do was hope to see him again. 

•────•──────────•────•

The next day, Jungkook found himself stuck in a meeting with some of the executives from the production team. It wasn’t that important, it was just an update about what they had been up to lately at the factories. Jungkook had tried his best to pay attention, but he was really tired today. 

After he went home from the work emergency, he was finally able to let the emotions he’d been trying to keep at bay flow without the prying eyes of society. He didn’t know exactly why he was crying. Something about opening that door was so hard to do, and it just resurfaced all those thoughts that kept spinning around in his head over the years. He didn’t know what to do with himself; it was all too much and he had no one to talk to. 

Yuri came home eventually, she walked in and was greeted with the sight of him sitting at their dining table, dinner only half eaten, and his face stained with tears. He wished she had come over and hugged him— that’s all he wanted, he was sure it would have made everything better, but Jungkook watched the disappointment etch more into her features the longer she stared at him. Yuri just rolled her eyes with a scoff and went to heat up her cold dinner. 

Jungkook didn’t blame her for being upset, he really does cry too much these days.

As much as he told himself that, something about this just finally made him explode; the fragile dam that had kept his emotions somewhat under control crumbled to pieces all in an instant. He couldn’t stop his sobs as he quickly ran to the bathroom for a little more privacy. It didn’t take long for Yuri to come over banging on the door, complaining about the noise. 

He probably was too loud, Yuri hates it so much when he’s loud. But he was far too emotional earlier and her pleas for him to be quiet just made things worse. 

He ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor last night after he eventually passed out. He woke up with sore, red, puffy eyes, and his arm hurt like crazy from sleeping on it. It was his fault, Yuri made sure he knew how dumb that was before she left. 

Jungkook had tried coffee earlier, he even had Secretary Yu cancel his plans for the next two hours as he tried to take a nap in his office. That didn’t really work; he was too worried about someone walking in and thinking he was lazy. 

The only thing that kept his eyes from fluttering closed was you standing outside the meeting room. You were by the printer, likely working on those reports he asked you to do.

He should’ve been focused on the presentation, but his gaze was too busy raking up your legs that were so nicely accented by your red-bottom stilettos and short pencil skirt. The sight was a feasting ground for his imagination to run wild, and he was far more interested in picturing coming up behind you and fucking you right there against the printer. He would finally push up that short skirt that would drive him crazy as he shamelessly took you right then and there. 

As much as he enjoyed the thought, Jungkook felt disgusting; he had a wife, and it went against everything he believed in to think about someone other than the woman he’s married to in a situation like that. He could try to make up an excuse and say it was all the sexual frustration he’d been experiencing these days, but how could that justify it? It couldn’t, he was awful.

But Jungkook wanted to feel something, and Yuri wasn’t giving him anything anymore. They hardly had sex these days and she found too much pleasure in teasing him, getting him to a point where he’s pleading, before something always gets in the way of anything actually happening. His mind for some reason had found refuge in imagining you in sexual situations to cope. It was one of the reasons he ultimately ended up making an appointment with Dr. Min, recently you had drifted into his mind while he was eating out his wife. How dare he? 

He could continue to give excuses, nothing justifies what he’s been doing, but before he got married, he would have described someone like you as his “ideal type.” If things were different, if he wasn’t married, he would have probably had the biggest crush on you. 

Neither of you had talked much since you started working at Golden Tech, but he’d taken more time than he wanted to admit watching you from afar. 

Oddly enough, you were the epitome of everything his young mind had pictured dating. It wasn't like he walked around with a list in his head, but he found you checking boxes he didn’t even know he had. It was the weirdest feeling, but the longer you were at the office, the more he felt that if things were different, he would’ve liked taking a shot.

From the moment you spilled coffee on him, he knew you were gorgeous, so much so, that for some reason you always occupied his mind. It was in a way that had his eyes following you each time you crossed paths in the hallways, in a way that made him think about you even after you walked by, and in a way that made him a mess anytime you’d meet his gaze. 

He was always thrown into a whirlwind of conflicting emotions whenever he’d see you. Lust, admiration, anger? He didn’t know anymore, but most of the time it was all three at once. 

Workwise it was mainly admiration. You were smart, that much was clear from your first meeting, but since then you’ve continued impressing him. You were never afraid to speak your mind in the middle of heated debates between executives, and it was always your insight he found the most compelling. The amount of times alone since the TV incident they have utilized your input for important situations… It wasn’t a big shock when he found out how quickly you got promoted, you honestly did more than your superiors. You were hardworking, no matter what he threw at you, you would always manage to get it done better than expected. He would always hear the best from Director Son about your team being one of the best performing out of the finance department. 

The list could go on really, but hearing about you, or even seeing you in the hall, always made him feel all strange inside. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he knew he hated it.

He wasn’t the only one who seemed intrigued by your charm; you made everyone around you smile with such ease. Anytime he would happen to see you in the office, your coworkers would be laughing and smiling about something you’d said. He’d tried to join in on the fun and talk to you occasionally— after meetings, in the hall when you were alone, in the office when he would pass by and see you still working late, but it never seemed to go well.

“Director Jeon! Did you need something from me?!” You had panicked that one time he startled you while you were standing by the water cooler. The minute you met his eyes, his mind went blank. Somehow his attempt at small talk had turned into checking to see if you were on track to meet the deadline for something he’d asked you to do.

Even Jimin had only the best things to say about you. 

“I really don’t understand why you have a problem with her.” Jimin side-eyed him one night when they were working late. Jimin had brought you up and mentioned a fun brief conversation you had, and somehow the topic had shifted to his hyung questioning why he was always so weird when it came to you. The only thing Jungkook could respond with was giving you more work. 

He didn’t have a problem with you.  He really didn’t, but as much as he found himself enamored by your work, he also found it hard to stop the anger from rising anytime you’d even cross his mind. And unfortunately, that was often.   

Jungkook really didn’t know you that well, but he’d seen you enough that you’d affect him in ways that he could never tell another soul about. 

One time he walked by the meeting room when you were leading a meeting along with Director Son. You never noticed him standing there, but just seeing you in your element made him quickly need to run back to his office after he felt his pants start to tighten.

It was often your dark red lips that he pictured when his hand would hurriedly fist his cock. Jungkook hardly masturbated anymore, Yuri hated the mess, and he always felt sex-crazed if he ever attempted these days. However, the last time he did it was your lipstick he pictured, it was the view he had earlier that day when you bent over beside him and he could see down your shirt, it was those stupid short skirts you would wear all the time, it was you who he pictured fucking instead of his wife as he desperately rocked into the pillow that he’d been clinging onto. 

Jungkook never did that again. Yuri had gotten so mad when he told her he had essentially ruined his pillow in a moment of weakness. Part of him wished he had told her it was another woman that he got off to, he would have loved to see how jealous she might have gotten. At least then he would have known if she truly cared for him at all. 

You would get him so flustered without even trying. Maybe if you knew, you would hate him as much as Yuri did. Maybe it was best this way. The thought of another person screaming how pathetic he was, was enough to send him over the edge. It was probably only thanks to the business deal that he found himself getting married. No one would have said yes otherwise. 

Jungkook’s attention remained on you, but you never noticed his gaze. His mind was going crazy at the thought of feeling you; the sounds of the buttons on the printer being smashed into filling the hallway as he desperately pushed into you from behind. You felt so good around his needy cock while he tried his best not to spill into you too soon. 

It would be too good, and—

His fantasy was interrupted when Taehyung, a member of your financial team, suddenly walked up beside you. Jungkook watched as he seemingly came over to help you in your struggle with the printer. He just rolled his eyes and tried to go back to paying attention to the presentation like he was supposed to. 

He had to remember to get that printer fixed. 

It’s not like Jungkook had a problem with Taehyung, but he’s heard the rumors about you two and how everyone who worked on this floor thought you were together. There was no reason to be upset; he could feel his wedding ring on his finger, but he couldn’t stop disliking seeing the two of you anywhere near each other. 

What if it was true? 

He wondered what made you choose Taehyung. What did he do to win you over? What did Jungkook lack that made him so unwanted? Jungkook's gaze drifted down at the ring on his finger. In another world where he wasn’t married, he couldn’t help but think you wouldn’t have liked him anyway. No one would.

“Director Jeon?” The executive called out, finally noticing that Jungkook wasn’t paying attention to the lavishly planned out presentation. 

“I-I’m sorry, what were you saying?” Jungkook hurriedly tried to shake himself out of his daze. 

The meeting went on for far too long in his opinion. The production team always liked to be detailed in their presentations ever since going on two years ago when they messed up the launch of the new line of TVs. Normally he would have appreciated it, but he had trouble keeping his eyes open the entire time.

The minute it was over, Jungkook rushed back to his office, hoping to finally get a few minutes of sleep. He had an hour before his next meeting so he could squeeze a thirty minute nap in before he needed to do some last minute work. 

Just as he sat on his chair, ready to lay his head down, suddenly his phone started to buzz in his jacket pocket. Jungkook groaned, the exhaustion easily made him annoyed; he just wanted to sleep. He was ready to slam that dnd button for a little peace and quiet, when he realized it had been a text from Dr. Min.

Dr. Min [4:23]: Yuri didn’t show up for her interview today. 

Dr. Min [4:23]: I waited an extra thirty minutes and even tried calling. 

Dr. Min [4:25]: We can still do our first official session tomorrow, just make sure she’s there :)

Jungkook stared at his phone in disbelief. 

After he finally managed to come out of the bathroom this morning, the first thing he did was remind Yuri about her interview with Dr. Min. They argued a bit, Yuri always going back to the fact Jungkook slept on the floor again, but he still kept reminding her throughout their discussion, and even until she left, about her appointment with the doctor.

Jungkook couldn’t help but wonder if she actually forgot, or if she purposefully didn’t show up. Yuri, just like his parents when he brought up the idea of going to couple’s therapy, detested it, but Jungkook was insistent until she finally relented and agreed. 

She knew this meant everything to him. 

Jungkook didn’t know how to react. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, he wanted to just break something. Instead, he texted Dr. Min a quick ‘ok’ before laying his head down to finally sleep. 

He was just so tired.

•────•──────────•────•

The next day it took way too much effort trying to bring Yuri over to Dr. Min’s office. She went on and on that she had plans with friends, and Jungkook almost had to physically drag her into the car to go with him. 

The whole fiasco made him incredibly flustered. She complained the entire time about how much this was going to be a waste. The whole way Jungkook was either on the verge of opening the car door and jumping out, or shriveling into a ball to just cry because why didn’t she want this as bad as he did? 

Did she not want to fix their marriage? Had she already given up?

It was thoughts like these that clouded his mind on the way to Dr. Min’s office. Yuri was in his ear the whole time sighing about how she could be “sipping sparkling wine with her friends at Han Cook’s right now instead of going to this fucking scam,” her words exactly. It was irritating, Jungkook even noticed Dae-Jung roll his eyes a couple of times because she just wouldn’t stop.

At some point, even he didn’t want to be there.

They were already 5 minutes late by the time they were walking through the door. Dr. Min was standing in the waiting room talking with his secretary when he and Yuri arrived hand in hand, but not out of affection, Jungkook was just scared she might try to run away. 

“Ahhhh, there’s my couple.” Dr. Min smiled at the sight.

“I’m so sorry we’re late…” Jungkook sighed, trying to repress any ill feelings he had toward his wife. Now was not the time; they were there now, that’s all that mattered. 

Dr. Min quickly guided the both of them into his office, repeating the same process as when Jungkook went in for the first time. Before he knew it, they had the blanket draped over their laps, and Dr. Min was sitting in his cozy chair in front of them with his yellow notepad in hand.

“Alright, for our first session I think it might be best that our main goal should be to try to open the doors before we really begin to explore what’s inside. We should try to lay out any immediate issues you think you might be having in your relationship. It could be anything— the little things, like someone not always forgetting to push their chair in, to bigger things, like that fight you both had that has stayed with you. But first, since I never got to meet with you Yuri, I just want to talk to you briefly.” Dr. Min smiled at Yuri and he noticed the way she rolled her eyes. 

“I understand therapy might be a little intimidating at first, but just think of me as a friend you’re ranting about your relationship troubles to. I’m someone outside of your relationship, I’m not here to tell you who’s right or wrong, but simply to advise and guide you in ways that might lead you both to being a happier and healthier couple.” Yoongi hoped that would do something, but Yuri continued to sit there with her arms crossed, looking completely uninterested. 

Hmmm. 

“Yuri, I want to first know if you have any concerns about our sessions.” 

She sighed with almost palpable annoyance. “No.” Yuri mumbled, looking out the window. 

Alright.

This wasn’t his first session with someone like this. Over the years, he’s learned that the best way to handle it, was to try your best to get your foot in the door. It’s all a matter of getting them talking.

“Alright Yuri, how about you tell me how you first found out about the arrangement? What were your feelings when you heard the news?” Dr. Min laid out a relatively simple question, hoping this would be enough to get her even just a little engaged.

“I mean…” Yuri looked over at Jungkook before turning back to the doctor. “We found out together, our parents sat us down and told us we were getting married. I felt indifferent to it, no one really wants to get married when they’re twenty-two but it was for a business deal, what could I do about it?” 

“It’s your life, you weren’t upset?”

Yuri shook her head. 

“I felt like I was doing my part for the family. My brother’s inheriting the company, and my sister works there as well. It was just me that went on a different path, so the least I could do was help secure a deal that would really benefit the company.” 

Interesting. 

“Alright then, let’s change the question a little. What were your feelings when you heard that you were to marry Jungkook?” The question was direct and it was asked with the hope of understanding her feelings toward her husband. 

Considering the concerning way Jungkook described their relationship, it was a good way to segue the conversation into uncovering her true feelings. Dr. Min noticed the way Jungkook’s eyes widened before he turned to face Yuri, anticipating her answer. 

Yoongi wished he had the opportunity to meet with her on his own. Normally, this would never be a question he would be asking with the spouse present, at least without knowing the answer first, but it was important information that would help him better plan their future sessions.

It was clear the question also took Yuri off guard. 

“It was Jungkook, we had seen each other a few times before and our parents made us go on a couple of dates. I would be more surprised if it wouldn’t have been Jungkook.” 

“You didn’t answer my question. How did you feel that it was specifically Jungkook?” 

Yuri’s face changed. He could sense she was slightly irritated again.

“What do you want me to say, I couldn’t wait to get married to him? Is that what would make you happy?” Her words were for Dr. Min, but she eventually turned to face Jungkook. 

“I’m not expecting anything. I just wanted your honest thoughts about what you felt like at that moment; the fact you were getting married forcefully, and that it was Jungkook at the end of that aisle. How would you have felt if it was someone else?” 

“No different. I was only doing it for the company, it just happened to be Jungkook that I married. I mean, it probably would have been his older brother if he hadn't left.” Yuri was looking at it very logically, but she didn’t seem to care when she finished ranting about Jungkook turning away to wipe away his tears. 

“How about now, do you feel the same way? You wouldn’t have cared whether it was Jungkook or his brother you married?” Dr. Min pressed.

“Well… I know Jungkook more. I’ve only met his brother a couple of times, and from those few instances, I think Jungkook and I work a little better.” This should have been the moment that gave Jungkook some hope, but all he was hearing was ‘convenience.’

It just so happened that his brother left for California and he offered to take his position. There was no “I’m so happy it worked out that way,” for all he knew, Yuri could have said the same thing if Junghyeon was here instead of him. Then again, his hyung probably wouldn’t even be here in therapy. His brother was always great with people and had ten times more experience in relationships than he did. Maybe Yuri would have been happier if she had married him instead. 

What was wrong with him?

“What makes you say that Yuri?” Dr. Min could sense Jungkook was spiraling, he just hoped this question would bring some sort of reassurance. 

“Me and Jungkook just… we just…” For the first time, she stumbled.

“What Yuri?” Jungkook suddenly interjected. “We what?”

“I think we work.” It was the same robotic answer from earlier. Jungkook sat there stunned wondering why she wasn’t telling him?

Something in him snapped.

“Yuri, why aren’t you telling him? He’s a professional; he’s here to tell me what I’m doing wrong. Tell him how being married to me makes you miserable. I'm trying to fix things, at least make you more comfortable. Tell him, please tell him!” Jungkook cried, he was desperate to finally understand what he had done to make her hate him so much. 

Why couldn’t she understand? He just wanted to make her happy.

Yuri just leaned back on the couch and rolled her eyes, again. 

“I can’t believe you’re crying about this.” She mumbled. 

Jungkook hurriedly wiped his eyes. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I can’t do anything right.” He tried to laugh it off. 

If the red flags weren’t waving before they were about to fly off at this point. It was so strange. Yoongi felt like this appointment was close to derailing, so he tried his best to steer them back on topic. 

“Yuri, are there any issues you have with Jungkook you want to address in our sessions? It could be anything, I’m sure you heard Jungkook is very willing to listen and hear any qualms you may have with him or your relationship.” Yoongi found himself worried about what she was going to say.

Yuri thought for a bit before settling on a simple answer. “He’s too clingy.” 

“In what ways?” Dr. Min hoped to coax more out of her. 

“I don’t know… he’s more into being close, I’m just not like that.” It was still vague and didn’t quite make sense. 

“I get that not everyone is the affectionate type, I’m the same way actually, but there are still ways to show you care besides physical touch. People have different love languages— considering you both were arranged at such a young age, you might still be trying to explore what works best for you. I might be able to recommend to you both some exercises you might be able to try in order to explore those sides of yourselves.” Jungkook was holding onto every word the doctor was saying. Maybe this might be it.

Dr. Min made a note to return to those exercises at the end of the session.

“Yuri, I would like to talk about something that Jungkook discussed with me in our interview. I don’t want to speak for him, so Jungkook, feel free to jump in at any moment, but one of the things he mentioned was his desire for you to touch him more. I think in regards to affection—“ 

“Is he talking about our sex life?!” Yuri exclaimed suddenly, turning to face him.

Yoongi’s eyes widened at her outburst.  “It was mentioned, but that’s not—“ 

“I can’t believe you…” Yuri scoffed, turning away from him.

“I’m sorry.” Jungkook didn’t even try to fight her.

“I think it’s healthy to discuss it. You’re meant to be a couple and I hope you both know that communication is one of the building blocks into facilitating a good relationship. Things like sex, which is a boundary you both have crossed, in order to make sure everyone is satisfied, should be actively discussed with each other.” Dr. Min pointed out. This appointment was going left, he had simply wanted this to be a point about compromise, but the topic shifted so quickly.

“I get it might be a little awkward with me being here, but if it’s something you feel like you need to work on in your relationship, this is the place to discuss it.” Yoongi watched Yuri scoff at his words.

“That hadn’t been my point though—  I only brought up intimacy to demonstrate how relationships take compromise to work. Jungkook had mentioned how physical touch seems to be something he really values in a relationship—  this could include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, small things like that. Yuri you don’t share those same values, which is completely fine. Relationships require both parties taking and giving in order to make work. In this case, Yuri, you could try and be a little more affectionate with Jungkook because you know that means a lot to him. And Jungkook, it is important that you give Yuri her space when she needs it. This balance is important in working toward a healthy relationship.” He finally seemed to hold their attention as he went on. 

“Communication is key. Knowing how to effectively tell your partner whenever you feel the balance might be off, is important to maintaining the relationship. This helps your partner feel seen, heard, and allows you both not to be in the dark about how each other is feeling. Jungkook, why don’t you tell Yuri some of the things we talked about in your session?” Dr. Min ushered, hoping Jungkook’s own words would be good when articulating these points, but he could sense Jungkook’s hesitancy on how he shakily looked between him and Yuri.

Jungkook sat up slightly. “All I want is for you to want me Yuri… maybe we shouldn’t have had sex so soon before getting to know each other but…” Jungkook felt horrible for even mentioning this, “I feel like I do so much— I try my best to make you happy, but I don’t feel like you’re putting in any effort, or even want to put in any effort into our relationship. I know we were arranged and things aren’t going to just magically work out, but I thought we both agreed on our honeymoon that we were going to try our best to make the most out of the situation.” Jungkook's voice started to shake as the tears had already begun to fall. 

“I know I’m making a mess of things, but I just want you to tell me what I do wrong. I want you to know I’m committed to you, to our relationship, and the reason I brought us here is all for our future, I want an ‘us.’ I just want to know you’re trying… I’ll take anything… don’t leave so early in the morning and stay in bed to cuddle, kiss me when you leave, hug me, kiss me when you come back, take me out on dates, invite me out with your friends, and—“ He was a mess, saying anything and everything that was coming into mind.

“Yuri, I want you all the time, you have no fucking idea. I promise I want this, I want you, but I’m frustrated. I wish I wasn’t, but I am because my wife is gorgeous and gives me every reason to want her every single day, but— fuck, but you always lead me on and… I know it’s hard to want me, I know it’s so hard…” Really, why would she ever want him?

“I know whenever we do have sex I’m not the best at it, I could be better, I want to be better, but—but…. but…” Somehow the tears poured out even harder when he realized he had nothing. Why would Yuri ever want him, why would anyone ever want him? 

Absolutely nothing about him was worth putting in the effort that he wished for so badly.

“Jung—“ Dr. Min was about to interject but Yuri was quicker.

“I can not fucking believe this, is this seriously how you talk about me when I’m not here?!” She was yelling, this shocked Dr. Min, but Jungkook almost seemed to completely shut down, staring at Yuri blankly with these wide, round, sad eyes. 

“You’re actually pathetic, I can’t believe I married such a fucking loser… And you want to know why I never want you? It’s because you act like this! You’re always fucking complaining about something, you cry about everything, you’re not normal for one fucking minute. You’re talking about our private business in front of this stranger and painting me like I’m just this bad fucking person!” 

Yuri suddenly stood up, the blanket dropping to the floor.

“Why don’t you tell him there’s absolutely nothing in that head of yours and the only thing that seems to do any sort of thinking is your dick, and you whine every time I say no.” All Dr. Min could look at was Jungkook as Yuri practically screamed in his face. Jungkook just looked like a deer trapped in headlights at how scared he seemed, and Dr. Min noticed the way his hands were shaking and grabbing onto the pillow on his lap a little too tightly.

Oh no. 

“Yuri please—“ Dr. Min tried to interject once again but was immediately shut down. 

“Jungkook, you want to hear why I don’t want you?! You never let me do what I want, it’s always us, never me. You make me feel claustrophobic, you cry at the littles things, you fuck like a robot, and you finish in two seconds. Why would I ever want to be at home? Why would I ever want to be with you?!” 

“Yuri!” Yoongi once again tried to stop her, a little more firmly this time, sensing disaster was near. 

“The fact that you wasted my time bringing me here because your dumb ass can’t figure out why I don’t want to deal with you—  I honestly have no words, because why did I have to marry such a pathetic fucking excuse of a man?!” Yuri lashed, and with that, she rolled her eyes one last time before she grabbed her purse and stormed out of his office. 

Dr. Min was stunned. In all his years of practice, nothing like that had ever happened during any of his sessions, but his own shock was dwarfed by how concerned he was for Jungkook. The minute Yuri slammed the door behind her, his trembling seemed to only get worse, and his choked cries were replaced with gasps for air.

What Yoongi had feared became all too real when he saw Jungkook desperately reaching to tug at his tie, and he suddenly looked like he just came back from running a marathon. 

Dr. Min immediately flipped from professional mode into caretaker, jumping up from his chair to sit beside Jungkook on the couch. 

“Don’t worry, I’m here.” Yoongi tried to reassure him, pulling him into a tight embrace and gently rubbing his back. 

“Everything she said— she-she’s fucking right.” He was hardly able to get out the words.

“No, she’s not Jungkook, don’t listen to her.”

“My wife— she’s my wife— how can I not listen?!” He choked into his shoulder. 

Yoongi sensed this was only going to get worse. 

“Jungkook, listen to me ok? I’m going to need you to take deep breaths for me, alright? In and out, in and out, in and out—“ Yoongi pulled back to demonstrate steady breathing, making sure Jungkook looked at him. 

Eventually, he attempted to join the doctor. Jungkook was definitely shaky, but it was better than nothing. 

“I’ll be right back, I’m going to get you some water real quick, but in the meantime please repeat over and over out loud— it’s okay to not be okay. Okay?” Dr. Min advised, but he could immediately tell Jungkook was not listening.

“She’s right— why-why did I—“ 

“Jungkook, say it with me.” Dr. Min made sure Jungkook was actually looking into his eyes before continuing.

“It’s okay to not be okay— say it with me. It’s okay to not be okay.” Yoongi kept repeating, waiting for Jungkook to join him, still trembling in his grasp. 

“It’s okay to not be okay.”

“It’s okay—“

“It’s okay to not be okay.” 

“It’s okay to not be okay.” Jungkook was eventually able to force it out.

“Keep repeating and continue taking deep breaths; I’m going to get you water.” Yoongi said and Jungkook shakily nodded, reassuring that he had heard him. 

Yoongi was finally able to get up and he quickly made his way out of his office to where his secretary sat. Luckily for him, right behind her desk was a mini fridge where they kept refreshments. 

“Dr. Min, what’s going on? I heard screaming, someone stormed out of here—“ She asked, her concern already on her features. 

“I’ll explain later, can you hand me a bottle of water?— My client is having a panic attack.” Yoongi rushed out. His secretary looked shocked but quickly rolled her chair over to the fridge behind her. 

“Oh my gosh, is everything ok?” She asked as she took the bottle out and handed it to him.

“We’re trying to get there. Thank you so much.” Yoongi said before hurrying back into his office. 

He found Jungkook still just as distraught as when he left, but he was still repeating the phrase and trying his best to take deep breaths in between. 

“Good job.” Yoongi smiled, trying to reassure him. 

“Here, this will help.” He handed him the water bottle, but Jungkook’s hands were shaking so much, he couldn’t open it. Yoongi was quick to step in and screw off the cap for him, gently guiding the bottle to Jungkook’s mouth so he could drink, fearing he might spill it if he tried doing it on his own. 

Yoongi put his arm around Jungkook as they both faced the window. By now, the sun had almost set completely. The city lights were bright, you could see a few stars decorating the sky, but a sliver of orange accented the horizon, the last bit of sunlight of the day fading.

Jungkook kept taking deep breaths and trying his best to repeat the phrase that Yoongi told him to, but occasionally those thoughts that probably garnered the attack would return with full force and suddenly he was shaking again and he struggled to catch his breath. 

Jungkook wondered if the doctor thought he was as pathetic as he felt, but he never said a word as he cried his eyes out and tried to pull himself together. All his brain could focus on was the look on Yuri’s face as she told him how she felt. How dare he say all that? He should have known better. Why didn’t he know that? What was wrong with him? 

After many more tears, Jungkook was finally able to calm down. His suit jacket was draped over the armrest of the couch, and the tips of his hair that sat right at his cheeks were soaked— which he needed a haircut. He kept forgetting to do that, it was getting too long now. 

“Jungkook, how long has this been happening?” Dr. Min eventually asked.

Jungkook was sitting with his head in his hands, his face burning at an alarming degree. He felt so embarrassed for causing such a scene. He was too much in his own thoughts to realize the doctor had asked him a question. Dr. Min gently pulled his shoulder back to make sure he was listening. 

“Jungkook, did you hear me? How long has this been happening?” Yoongi asked again. 

Jungkook sighed, his face was still wet from the tears that hadn’t stopped falling. 

“Not too long… I’ve only felt like this a couple of times before, it’s never been this bad though— which I’m very sorry for. I’m so sorry about making such a scene—“ 

“Don’t be, it isn’t your fault, and this is really serious.” Yoongi sighed, wishing Jungkook would stop blaming himself for everything. “Does anyone close to you know you’ve been having panic attacks?” He asked next. 

Jungkook slowly shook his head. 

The only other person who might know would be Yuri, but he’s always been able to run and hide in the bathroom before it got too bad. It was still new that this was happening at all. For some reason, these days when Yuri gets like that, he gets easily overwhelmed that suddenly the room he was in felt like it was closing in on him. 

In the past, he would have told Jimin, but he didn’t want his hyung to see him like this. He didn’t want him to know how pathetic he had been lately. 

“You should probably tell somebody. Did having me here help at all?” Dr. Min asked. 

“It really did, thank you so much.” It was truly more sympathy than he deserved. None of his attacks had been as bad as todays, but the doctor being by his side, and so attentive, made this one the shortest episode he’s had.

The silence settled in the room for a moment.

“Maybe I’m expecting too much out of this arrangement, and I’m making her miserable by trying to have us act like an actual couple.” Jungkook suddenly said, letting those thoughts take over again. “We agreed to try on our honeymoon, but— I think I did something that made her think otherwise. I’m so bad at this, Yuri wasn’t like this before we got married. She was so sweet— I just…” 

“Jungkook, you shouldn’t keep blaming yourself for this. A marriage, any relationship really, takes both partners putting in the effort to make it work. I imagine being in an arranged marriage would make things harder, but both partners still need to try. Even though I don’t know the exact details, to me, it seems like you should know you’re at least putting in the work. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if you’re going above and beyond.” Yoongi smiled. 

“There is nothing wrong with expecting something in return. Sure, I haven’t talked to Yuri enough to know if what you’re doing is exactly what she wants; but the fact that it doesn’t seem like she’s gone through that trial and error phase with you, is an issue. You’re trying to be a couple, you’re bound to have bad days, but there should be more good ones than not. I don’t know everything about your relationship, but I can’t lie and say I’m not worried about you.” Dr. Min was being honest. 

“I can’t leave though— we aren’t dating, we’re married, and not only that, so many people are relying on me to make this work! Golden Tech benefited so much from our marriage, Redno did too, and all the employees— I can’t give up. We signed a contract.” Jungkook looked panicked at the thought of what failing would mean. 

“I get that, but it seems like this marriage is starting to affect your—“

“I just need to make her happy, I have to make her happy somehow. Why is it so fucking hard?! Why can’t I just do that?!” Jungkook stared down at the ground, his hands hurriedly running through his hair and tightly gripping onto his dark locks. 

“Jungkook—“

“I feel like I’m letting everyone down these days— fuck, why can’t I get it together? How am I ever going to run a company like this?!” The agony he was experiencing pained his voice, and the anguish that painted his features was more than unsettling. They were sentiments that Jungkook tried to keep hidden, but everything was just spilling out at this point. 

“Jungkook, that’s not—“

But instead of letting the doctor finish, he just groaned loudly, his frustration with the situation becoming overwhelming. Jungkook tried his best to hastily wipe away his tears and shake away the despair. “I should probably leave.” He suddenly interrupted, standing up way too quickly and nearly falling because his head hurt so much. 

“Wait—“ Yoongi tried to stop him.

“It’s getting late anyway.” Jungkook stretched, noticing now the nightlife was already in full swing. 

Yoongi wanted to tell him to stay. He felt Jungkook was close to uncovering some concerning details, but he couldn’t keep him there. But he was just really, really worried about him. 

Instead, he just sighed and got up to finally turn on a light. He had kept them off, knowing Jungkook complained a couple of times that his head was hurting. Besides, the lights outside were more than enough to keep things from being pitch black. 

“Jungkook, do you have anyone you could stay with tonight?” Dr. Min asked.

“Hmm?” 

“I don’t think it’s right for you to be alone, and maybe a night apart from Yuri would do you some good.” This was the opposite of the advice he’d normally give, but he feared any time with Yuri would push Jungkook over an edge he sensed was nearing. 

Jungkook slowly nodded. 

“I’m so sorry. I overstayed and went way past our session. I hope I wasn’t in the way of any other appointments, I can pay for the extra time.” Jungkook offered but Yoongi shook his head.

“You were my last appointment for the day, and there is no need. You left early for your intake interview anyway, so let’s just say we made up the time today.” Yoongi smiled. Jungkook was about to protest otherwise, but Yoongi quickly shushed him. 

“Before you go though, I wanted to give you this.” Yoongi walked over to his desk and grabbed a smaller notepad out of a drawer, before hurriedly scribbling something on it. 

It only took a second before Dr. Min was walking back, after ripping a page off to give to Jungkook. 

“What’s this?” 

“I’m a couple’s therapist, but I have a friend who might be better to talk to about yourself and what you might be dealing with. If necessary he also knows someone who can prescribe some medication to help make your days a little more manageable.” At his words, Jungkook looked at the note a little more closely.

K͟i͟m͟ ͟N͟a͟m͟j͟o͟o͟n͟

T͟h͟e͟r͟a͟p͟i͟s͟t͟ ͟(͟S͟p͟e͟c͟i͟a͟l͟i͟z͟e͟d͟ ͟i͟n͟ ͟M͟e͟n͟t͟a͟l͟ ͟H͟e͟a͟l͟t͟h͟)͟

A͟l͟o͟n͟g͟ ͟w͟i͟t͟h͟ ͟a͟ ͟p͟h͟o͟n͟e͟ ͟n͟u͟m͟b͟e͟r͟ ͟a͟n͟d͟ ͟t͟h͟e͟ ͟a͟d͟d͟r͟e͟s͟s͟ ͟o͟f͟ ͟t͟h͟e͟ ͟c͟l͟i͟n͟i͟c͟.͟

“I think it would be a good idea to talk to him. I’m a little worried about you, I can’t lie.” Yoongi chuckled lightly, but he really was concerned. It would be wrong to say the red flags in his relationship were obvious when he only got such a brief look into it, but he also feared Jungkook’s mental health was in a dangerous place.

Jungkook nodded once again, staring down at the note and stuffing it into his pocket. He turned toward the door, trying not to show how even that simple movement made his head feel like it could split open. 

“I hope to see you again,” Yoongi said, hoping he’d come back at some point, yet there was a part of him that didn’t. Maybe Jungkook would take some time to think about what his relationship was doing to him, maybe he might realize he was better off without Yuri, or maybe all hope wasn’t lost and this session would be enough to spark some change in their relationship. 

“Me too…” There was something so sad about Jungkook’s tone. Yoongi wanted to question him,

but Jungkook grabbed his coat and was out the door before he could even get

another word out.

•────•──────────•────•

The minute he closed the door behind him, Jungkook was nearly blinded by the bright fluorescent lights of the waiting room. They only seemed to make his headache worse. 

Jungkook walked as he tried to put his suit jacket and coat on. It was still cold despite being a few weeks into spring.

“Everything okay?” His attention snapped to the secretary who was still sitting at her desk. 

When he turned to her, he noticed her shocked expression. It was only then that he considered how much of a mess he likely was. His eyes were probably red and swollen, his face puffy, and he knew his hair was a mess from pulling at it.

Jungkook bowed slightly. “I’m fine, I’m sorry for keeping you here late.” He truly felt bad.

“Don’t worry about it, go get some rest. Have a good night!” Her cheery voice couldn’t stop the small smile appearing on his face. For a second he believed it actually might be. 

Jungkook said his goodbyes before stumbling down the hall, trying his best to put on his jackets. His driver was already waiting for him downstairs. Dae-Jung had texted and said Yuri had left with her friends a while ago. He wasn’t surprised; he’d only been holding her back by bringing her with him. 

“Where should I take you, sir?” Dae-Jung asked as they both settled in the car. 

On his way down, Jungkook considered taking the doctor’s advice and staying with Jimin. He would no doubt let him stay if he asked, but he felt no greater need than to be alone right now. 

“You can drop me off at the apartment, I’ll only need a few minutes to pick up a few things. I made reservations at a hotel, so you’ll take me there next.” Jungkook sighed, staring outside at the rain that suddenly started pouring the minute he made it downstairs. 

Dae-Jung nodded before pulling off and beginning the journey back to the apartment. 

Just a little ways down the street they passed by a street bar where they had a sign outside that read in bold letters: “Today’s Special: Dakgangjeong” (Sweet Crispy Korean Fried Chicken). It was only then that Jungkook realized he hadn’t eaten all day. 

Maybe that’s why his head was hurting so much. He had been so busy earlier trying to get all his work done so he could meet Yuri at the apartment for their appointment, that he forgot to eat lunch once again. 

The second he remembered, it was like a wave suddenly hit him, making him realize how hungry he was. Jungkook was tempted to tell Dae-Jung to pull over— dakgangjeong with soju sounded amazing right now, but ultimately decided against it as they rolled by. 

It was raining, cold, and it was starting to get late. Besides, as much as he wanted to be alone, drinking by himself would bring him down to a whole new level of sadness that he wasn’t in the mood at all to explore. He already felt shitty enough, and being in an environment like that right now would only make him feel worse. 

Instead, he promised to bring ramen with him and make it at the hotel later. 

The ride back was long. Traffic was awful like it usually was, but Jungkook was so tired and his headache continued to worsen. Every little bump or sharp turn would have him rubbing his temples in hopes that it would somehow help; it didn’t. 

His pain only made him recount the awful day he had and, as much as he tried to stop it, the tears started falling again. The minute his eyes started welling up only made the pain in his head worse, and the thought of Dae-Jung noticing him crying made him quickly try to fan them away.

Jungkook had already received a concerning look the minute he came downstairs and Dae-Jung was standing there ready with the umbrella. He had given Jungkook the same strange look as the secretary did upstairs. He looked like shit and he knew it. What made it worse though was the fact that he sees Dae-Jung often, and he hated the thought of people close to him knowing how pathetic he was these days. 

The ride back home took almost an hour because of the traffic. By the time he was going up the elevator, all he wanted to do was sleep. 

Jungkook sluggishly made his way down the hall, staring at the note Dr. Min had given him before he left. He was considering if he should really call the number sometime tomorrow when he had time, but then he came to the door and mindlessly punched in the code. Jungkook was so out of it, he had closed the door behind him without thinking too much, too busy contemplating if he should bring that wine his dad gave him after his business trip to France. 

He was just ready to get this packing over with, but he was shocked when he turned around to see Yuri staring at him. She was sitting on one of the kitchen barstools, wearing a tank top and a pair of those boy shorts that normally would drive him crazy. 

It wasn’t like he was mad at her, if anything, she had every right to be mad at him. He just expected she would be out with her friends still (he wished she was). He had simply planned to text her that he was staying at a hotel— he didn’t expect her to care, she was hardly at the apartment anyway. He was thinking maybe she would have celebrated, maybe even thrown a little party like that one time he left for the US for a week.

No, he didn’t expect at all to see her here. If things couldn’t get any stranger, she suddenly got up from the stool and slowly walked over until she was standing only a few inches away. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her he was leaving for a few days (at least), and that he was there to pack and he’d quickly be out of her hair. But he just stood there, his eyes bouncing between her eyes that were looking directly into his, and the view down her tank top. 

“Uhh—“ He started, a little dazed. 

“What took you so long?” Yuri asked, the tone in her voice was low and made goosebumps quickly appear on his skin. 

He didn’t even really register her question. He wondered if he should tell her what happened after she left, or at least about all the traffic they ran into on their way over, but what would that do?

“I thought you were out with your friends.” He simply settled. 

“I was but—“ Yuri took a step closer, making Jungkook step back, and his back hit the door behind him. “I decided to come home early.” Her voice was sultry as she got closer, her chest eventually pressing into his. He couldn’t even look her in the eye anymore.

“W-why…?” He stumbled. 

“Because…” Yuri’s fingers slowly trailed up his arm. “You said I don’t touch you, so I was thinking…” her hand rested against his neck to pull herself up so she was right by his ear. “Why don’t I let you fuck me today?” She said it so softly that he nearly moaned.

As much as the very thought of having sex with Yuri excited him, what she said during the session today was still playing repeatedly in his head. The thought of disappointing her again was almost too much to bear. He knew he would, it’s been four months since they last had sex. 

It happened when Yuri had come back drunk from a New Years party; he had been sleeping in bed when he woke up to her tugging at his pants. It was 3am, he had to wake up for work in a few hours, but the minute she whispered “I want your cock,” he was suddenly very awake. This had happened a few weeks after the whole pillow drama, and he was desperate to get you off his mind and focus on his wife. He could have said he was tired, still trying to shake the sleepiness away, but the minute he got inside an actual person— not his hand, not his pillow— things did not end well. It probably only lasted a few minutes, at best, before he finished. 

He could never forget the look of disappointment on her face, though he pleaded to give him a few minutes so they could try again. He had never felt so small. Yuri said something similar to what she had said in therapy today, before grabbing her clothes and storming to the shower. 

The memory brought a frown to his face, which Yuri immediately noticed making her pull away. 

“Are we doing this or not?” She questioned, sensing his hesitancy. 

This really wasn’t something he should be doing. Dae-Jung was waiting for him downstairs ready to take him to a hotel. His head hurt. He was tired. He had no reason to be mad at her, but he didn’t want to see her. She made the anxiety he’d been fighting all day come back all too quickly. 

This was wrong, but he didn’t care. 

When was he going to get a chance like this again? In another four months? No, he had to do this. 

Before he allowed himself to think about it anymore, Jungkook hurriedly stuffed the note from Dr. Min back into his pocket, he grabbed her wrists to pull her close, and he gingerly met her lips.

He was soft as his hands came up to gently cup her cheek. The action made his heart flutter, he wished they kissed like this more often. This was nice. Jungkook would have been happy if they stopped here, really, it was all he needed at that moment, but he felt Yuri pull at his jacket. 

“C'mon, aren’t you going to fuck me now?” Yuri tried to make it sound sexy, but Jungkook could tell she was a little annoyed he wasn’t doing anything yet. 

Right. That’s all this was. 

He let his hands slide down and settle on her waist— he took a moment to admire her before moving back. 

When will he get another chance?

“Turn around…” He could tell Yuri was a little shocked at the command, but she smirked nonetheless before turning like he asked. 

“Want your hands on the table, arch your back for me.” Jungkook’s voice was low. He tried his best to be in the moment as he watched Yuri strut her way over to their dining table. Even in the darkness of their apartment the view was amazing. Normally he would be drooling right now, but he still found it hard to actually want this. 

He’ll make this quick— in, out, and then he’ll quickly pack. Simple. 

Jungkook let his coat fall to the floor before walking over to Yuri, and he swiftly had his hands on her waist. He hurriedly tried to lose himself in the moment, chasing his hips into hers and kissing her neck. The action got an immediate reaction out of Yuri, and he took this chance to let his hand slide down into her tiny shorts, his fingers ran through her slit, and he wasn’t surprised to find her soaked already. 

Yuri liked preparing herself in advance. Jungkook had told her many times that he wouldn’t mind helping, but she would always say she didn’t want him to get too turned on beforehand, fearing he’d finish before they actually got to fuck. Jungkook always tried to believe she knew best, but it was at times like these that he missed the most being buried between her legs, tasting her, and hearing her soft sighs of pleasure. 

It also made him sad to think that’s how little she thought of him. 

Jungkook tried not to think about it as his fingers settled on her clit, quickly stroking the bud, hoping her soft moans would be enough to bring him back from his spiraling thoughts. 

Usually by now he’d be hard, desperately trying to get his pants down so he could finally feel her after so long. He wanted that now, but he couldn’t stop his mind from being elsewhere. 

“J-Jungkook, are you—“ It was at that moment when she seemed to notice the divergence from the routine.

“You’re not hard yet?” She sounded so surprised, despite him only being in the apartment for probably not even five minutes.

“Ummm…” It was an insane expectation, but he still found himself panicking. 

“Let’s go to bed, maybe less clothes might help…” He sounded so unsure, but he hoped that’s all it would take. 

Yuri gave him a questionable look before she hurriedly grabbed his arm and led them to their bedroom.

The minute they were inside, Yuri tried to keep up her playful, flirty demeanor as she let go of him in the doorway and began a slight strip tease as she walked towards the bed. Her tank top hit the floor before she snaked her shorts down her legs. 

If this was last week he probably would have exploded at the sight, but all he could think about was how disappointed he was about to make her, and how much his head still hurts. 

No.

Don’t you see what’s right in front of you? You won’t get another chance like this for months. 

Jungkook flipped off the lights.

“Ummm…” Yuri was confused. “Jungkook, why the fuck did you turn off the lights?”

“Don’t—“

“Don’t you want to look at me?” She sounded as if she was about to get angry.

“You said you find it easier this way. You don’t remember?” How could she forget they normally keep the lights off for these things? It was her who told him that this was the only way she’d ever fuck him. 

“Jungkook, don’t be ridiculous, turn the lights back on and get over here.” She sighed. 

Seems like she didn’t remember.

Jungkook hesitantly did as she asked, he turned the lights back on and let his suit jacket fall to the floor. He took a deep breath, trying to ignore the thoughts in his head that only seemed to grow louder as he finally climbed on top of her. 

He tried his best to focus on Yuri, on the fact that she was here and wanted to do this with him. Right, she wants this, and he does as well. It’s been months, regardless of her harsh words in therapy, maybe there was a chance that she had actually listened.

This thought fueled him into pulling her close and kissing her passionately, he was soft just like earlier, but with a more hurried, desperate need. He wanted her and he was trying to convince his own body he wanted this as well.

“Jungkook, hurry, take off your pants,” Yuri whined, tugging at his belt.

Right, clothes need to come off. 

Jungkook looked down and realized he was still fully clothed. 

Right… right…

He quickly hopped off the bed, his belt hit the floor first. With burning cheeks, he undid the button and pulled the zipper down before finally his pants joined the rest of the clothes scattered everywhere.

He was about to get back on the bed, but Yuri stopped him with her hand.

“Your shirt too…”  She looked down at the button-up he was still wearing. 

Jungkook suddenly felt the anxiety he’d been trying his best to manage spike at the mention of taking his shirt off. He still hadn’t made time to go back to the gym this week, and of course, of all times Yuri wanted to have the lights on, it had to be the moment he didn’t look as good as he usually did.

Would she notice?

Yuri picked up on his hesitancy. “Hello? What’s wrong with you today?”

“I-I’m sorry.” He stammered.

He was going to disappoint her. 

With his heart nearly beating out of his chest, he slowly undid the buttons on his shirt, letting the fabric drop to the floor. 

Her eyes scanned over him and his feeble attempt at covering himself up. In that moment, all the thoughts he’d been trying to suppress came back with a vengeance. He remembered her words in therapy, the disappointment he brought, how he could never make her happy.

“Are you coming?” She asked, the irritation evident in her tone.

Jungkook slowly made his way onto the bed, trying to push those thoughts away. But as he kissed her, as he tried to ignore how shitty he felt, it just wasn’t working, and it was then that he knew she could tell something was wrong.

“You’re still not hard…?” She was angry now.

He wasn’t, but he wanted to be, he wanted her. He just needed something to take away the thoughts swirling around in his head.

“Maybe your hand might help…” He felt awful for even suggesting it. He shouldn’t be greedy considering what she was offering, but for a second he thought about what Dr. Min had said earlier: Both people need to try, and Jungkook was clearly struggling.

It was obvious his words shocked her, and Jungkook used this opportunity to lightly grab her hand. Despite how much he was shaking, he slowly guided it down his body in hopes that she’d reach into his boxers and fix the situation. He knew it would have worked. In that moment, he would have easily forgotten all his troubling thoughts, all his worries, how hungry he was, his awful day, his headache, and how much he just wanted to sleep. He would have forgotten everything the minute she would have wrapped her hand around his cock. He would have been able to fuck her like he wanted.

But no, the second it became obvious what he was doing, Yuri yanked her hand back. 

“What the actual fuck?” She was rightfully pissed.

He gave up at that point, he knew it wasn’t happening. Jungkook buried his head in her shoulder, hoping to hide the shame that was burning him away inside. Not only was he unable to give himself what he wanted, but he also let his wife down.

“Yuri I’m so sorry, I don’t think I can do this.” Jungkook sobbed. Yes, he was crying again.

“What?” 

“So much shit happened today​​— I’m so tired, I haven’t eaten all day, I can’t stop thinking, and, I just—” Was this really an acceptable excuse? He even had a hard time convincing himself. Still, he held onto her tightly. He wanted her here.

“Maybe we could try again later, please don’t leave me.” He finally pulled back to look into her eyes. 

“We could stay in bed and cuddle, or I could make us dinner— we could even watch this movie I heard was really good.” Jungkook noticed her displeased expression become more irate the longer he rambled.

“Or maybe there’s something you want to watch— we could do anything you want… just… just don’t leave me alone.” All he wanted was his wife in his arms for one night. It felt so good to see her, to have her here with him, and as much as he wanted to be on his own when he walked in, he didn’t trust himself to be alone.

He wanted Yuri, he wanted to feel she wanted him as well.

Jungkook stared down at her, pleading with his eyes she’d say yes to something, anything, and it would have made up for how shitty today’s been.  

He wanted to eat dinner together, to show off his mediocre cooking skills, something they could have laughed about over the wine his father gave him. Then they would have moved to the couch; Jungkook would have turned on that one movie he knew she would enjoy (he’s stopped himself from watching it, in hopes she would join him one day). 

In his fantasy, they would cuddle, but he would have been fine even if they were five feet apart. Jungkook would have just been happy she was with him. Eventually, his emotions and the sexual frustration from the past few months would have him leaning over and he would have taken her right there on the couch; the movie would continue playing in the background, but neither of them would have been paying attention, as they were too busy enjoying the sounds of each other’s pleasure more than anything playing on TV. 

Exhaustion would have come almost immediately after he spilled inside her, but Yuri would smile and pull him close, letting him fall asleep right there on top of her. It would have been too cozy, the feeling of her warm body embracing him as she ran her hands down his back, making him fall asleep instantly. 

Once the movie would have ended, Yuri would've lightly woken him up so they could wash up before bed. She would have guided him to the shower and teased him about the fact that his eyes kept fluttering closed, but the water was warm, and he was just so happy and at peace. He would have cried the minute her hands lightly massaged his scalp, but she wouldn’t have noticed. He would have happily gone to bed with his wife in his arms, and— 

This moment would have made up for all the hardships in their marriage, it would have been enough to give him hope once again, it would have erased his growing desire for his coworker, it would have made him believe that Yuri wanted him even only a little. Even if that wasn’t exactly what happened, he would have been just as happy. He would have taken anything…

Yuri rolled her eyes underneath him. “Jungkook, get off of me.” 

As much as he didn’t want to let her go, he listened. 

“Yuri, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He pleaded for her forgiveness as he watched her go over to grab her clothes off the floor. 

“I can’t believe I left my friends for this.” She angrily grumbled to herself. 

“Yuri ple—” 

“Jungkook stop it, ok?!” Yuri yelled and it instantly had him shutting up. “I can’t believe I keep giving chances to someone so pathetic.” The words had Jungkook frozen on the bed.

“How am I so unlucky? We’re only twenty-five, but my god, the guy I had to marry, his dick doesn't even work! I went out of my way to come home early for you, and this is what I’m welcomed with; pathetic excuses to make up for your incompetence. And then you have the audacity to try and make me touch you because you can’t get your shit together!” Yuri gave him that disgusted look he’d feared the minute he saw she was home.

Her words cut deep, like a sword to a piece of paper. It seemed so simple and easy to her, but Jungkook was left in pieces, shattered, destroyed. At this point, he was so broken, he believed he deserved every word she said. 

“And you’re crying again!” She acted shocked, but it was only an act because he really does cry a lot these days. There was nothing shocking about that. 

Yuri looked at him for a second. He probably looked like a mess. He knew his face was red, it certainly felt hot, and it was just covered with tears and snot. 

Despite this, despite everything, he didn’t want Yuri to leave. He feared the dark thoughts were beginning to be the only thing he could think about. He needed her here at least. “Yuri— please, don’t— don’t go. I don’t want to be alone, I’m scared, I—” 

Yuri sighed. “I’m going to shower, and I’m leaving with my friends right after.” Before she walked off, she made the dramatic point of taking off her wedding ring and stuffing it into the drawer of her vanity. It was then that she stormed into the bathroom and slammed and locked the door behind her. 

The silence. The fucking silence of the apartment after the door closed was too much to bear. Silence was always the perfect breeding ground for the vilest thoughts to flood into his head and engulf him entirely. 

It felt like they were trying to fit just one more person in an already overcrowded elevator, but he was already tightly pressed against the corner, and the elevator was buzzing from keeping the doors open for so long. But the people in front just kept pushing him further in, trying to squeeze and shove more people inside. Just one more person, one more person and he’s sure he wouldn’t be able to breathe. Just one more thought and he feared it would be the end of him. His thoughts screamed, shrieked, wailed in his head, but even in the chaos, Jungkook could hear every fucking word.

This was all his fault.

For a moment, Jungkook wished he had listened to Dr. Min and gone to Jimin’s apartment instead. Things would have been better and at least his hyung would have stayed by his side. Now he was alone. So fucking alone. 

Jungkook tried his best not to cry too loudly; he knew Yuri hated it when he was loud, so he pulled the covers over his body and put his pillow over his face to suppress his screams. He cried because he felt Yuri was right, he cried because he felt his marriage really was in shambles, he cried because he was going to end up worse than his parents, he cried because he knew he was the one causing it. But what was the loudest in the darkest chamber of his thoughts, was that he believed he wasn’t worth the love he craved for. 

Jungkook couldn’t stop thinking about how miserable Yuri seemed. Even if he thought he was trying hard, for someone to say those things, for his wife to look at him like that, it was for a reason. He knew it. 

Everything. Everything had to be his fault.

•────•──────────•────•

Jungkook ended up not eating that day.

Yuri left right after, just like she’d said, and she was hardly at the apartment for a few days after that. Jungkook was left largely alone, he didn’t go to work the next day, nor the next, or the one day after that. He found it too hard to get out of bed. 

He was gone for a week, ignoring most of the concerned calls he would continuously get from someone at the company.

It was that weekend when Yuri came home for a brief moment only to grab something she needed. She had almost missed it completely, but before she turned to head downstairs, where her friends were waiting for her in the car, Yuri looked out the window to see Jungkook sitting on their balcony.

Normally, it wouldn’t be a cause of concern, but it had been pouring outside all day. Jungkook eventually explained that he had been sitting out since the rain had started (which was around noon), but when Yuri came home it was nearly 8:30pm…

He got really sick after that, pneumonia. 

Yuri yelled at him for being dumb, but it just made things worse. Jungkook at least hoped the diagnosis would be enough to get Yuri to stay, but of course, why would she stay with him when he was battling pneumonia?

He believed he deserved the suffering. It was karma for skipping work for a week, for wasting his day instead of being productive, for being glued to the wine fridge and drinking everything he’d been saving for a special occasion. 

Jungkook was never the same after all of this. 

previous chapter « main masterlist ✩ series masterlist » coming 7/15

[er-osion]

Stay (in my life)

pairing: Jason Todd x gn!Reader

summary: Red Hood comes back to your apartment for a patch job again, but his injuries are a bit more severe this time so he accepts your offer to stay over

word count: 4.3k

warnings: blood, fairly detailed descriptions of injuries, fluff

author’s note: sorry this one’s a little long ya’ll, i got a bit carried away. hope you guys enjoy. you can read part one here.

⋄∘∗⋅⋆≁≁⋆⋅∗∘⋄

“Holy shit, you look terrible!” You gasp as you take in Red Hood’s battered form as he clumsily steps over to your couch.

“Thanks, you look great too.” Hood grits out in reply as he slumps into the cushions. You hurry to grab your med kit and rush over beside him.

“You’re getting blood all over my couch, Hood.”

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’m really good at getting stains out.”

“I hope you’re also really good at surviving what appears to be multiple stab wounds and severe burns.”

“You’d laugh at that statement if you knew my background.”

“We’re gonna have to move this to the bathroom, I need better lighting and access to the sink.”

“I just sat down.” Hood exasperated.

“You know it’s not far.” You rolled your eyes at his words but couldn’t fight the rising anxiety at his condition. On instinct, you got up and held out your hand for him to take. Hood moved his head to look at your hand.

“Considering my size and condition, I don’t think you’re gonna be much help getting me off this couch by yourself.” He noted, unimpressed.

You narrowed your eyes at him but kept your hand where it was, “It’s more the sentiment. However, in your condition you might very well need all the help you can get walking the short distance to my bathroom.” Hood paused but set his gloved hand in yours. It was dirty with dust and what you assumed was blood and gripped tightly, probably more so than he realized, but you paid no mind with your thoughts wrapped up in Hood’s less than favorable state. The vigilante got up slowly from your couch and he wobbled to and fro once he was on his feet. The two of you started to move carefully to your bathroom, which was just down the hall, but Hood seemed to be more injured than you initially thought because his knees suddenly became weak and you both had to make a combined effort to catch him.

“Did you hit your head tonight?” You ask as Hood tried to restabilize himself.

“You asking if I have a concussion?” Hood responded.

“That’s exactly what I’m asking, yes.”

“It’s highly probable. I was thrown against a cement wall pretty hard.” Hood moved and wrapped one of his large arms around your shoulder for more support, immediately putting more of his weight onto you. The man was heavy beyond belief, but he did his best not to pile his muscle mass on top of you. The arm around your shoulders was secure and his hand gripped the fabric of your t-shirt tightly. Hood groaned while he settled more into you and you began walking again. Despite your rampant mind, your heart hammered in your chest at the contact and you felt the skin touching his arm dance. By some miracle, the two of you made it to your bathroom, and you did your best to help Red Hood down onto the floor in front of your bathtub.

“Can you just start listing off all your possible injuries while I get all my supplies out?” You asked Hood while you opened the first aid kit. Hood complied, and started listing off all the places he suspected was injured during his patrol tonight. You noticed, though, that his words sometimes got slurred and his sentences kept drifting off —in other words, he didn’t seem all there. “Are you sure you don’t have a concussion?” You probed.

“Told you, it’s very possible. What do you think, doc?” Hood shot back.

“In all honesty, I suspect you have a concussion. Maybe not a severe one, but a concussion is still bad no matter the level. How does your head feel, where it got hit?”

“It hurts.”

“No shit Sherlock, but I was hoping for a more detailed answer.”

“I guess it’s kind of a dull pain? Not like a migraine, but it also hurts in my neck and back of the head.”

“Okay, I think we need to deal with your head first.” You stopped when you realized the implications of your words. You’d need his helmet off to examine his head for any open wounds, you’d never seen Red Hood with his helmet off. Hood seemed to realize this at the same time since you saw him tense suddenly. Neither of you moved or said anything for a couple seconds, trying to figure out how to proceed. You quickly tried to remedy the awkwardness, “Look, I know I’m not supposed to see your face, I’m just concerned about your head but the last thing I want to do right now is push your boundaries, so if taking off the helmet is a no-go we’ll figure something else out.”

Red Hood shook his head, “No, you’re right, as usual. I trust you won’t go mouthing off about what the Red Hood’s face looks like.” He teased as he moved his hand up toward his helmet. You heard a clicking noise and a quiet hiss and felt your body still with anticipation. Hood slowly removed the helmet and you saw him peel off a domino mask underneath.

When his face was bare and uncovered in front of you, you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. He’s beautiful. Red Hood was the most gorgeous man you’d ever seen. His eyes a mystifying swirl of green and blue, dim with exhaustion but there was still this inexplicable unnatural glow to them. His hair —while slightly matted from the helmet— looked deliciously soft, the color of the night sky with a bold white streak at the front. There was a long thin scar connecting one of his eyebrows to his pale pink lips. You were speechless as you took in Hood’s face, trying to wrap your head around how someone could look that goddamn beautiful. It really wasn’t fair. Your heart was racing out of your chest and you were having trouble maintaining a steady breath while you gazed at his features. Red Hood noticed your stare and shifted a little uncomfortably under your gaze, his gemstone eyes gluing themselves to the ground.

“You gonna stare at my face all night, or are you gonna fix me up?” His voice snapped you back to reality.

“Right right, sorry. I just… wasn’t expecting to finally learn what you looked like tonight… got caught up in the surprise I guess.” You tried to cover your embarrassment and scooched closer so you could examine his head. You looked around and felt very gently for any bumps or wounds. “Hood, you’re bleeding at the back of your head.” The worry in your voice was prominent.

“That would help explain the dizziness.”

Your lips pulled into a line and you started to clean his head wound as carefully as you could, and then wrapped it gently with a bandage. You then made the vigilante promise not to fall asleep on you while you worked on the rest of his injuries. The rest of his body made the head injury look like a splinter. Multiple abrasions were littered across his torso, the molested skin was red with blood and irritation. You could see small bits of debris lodged in the surface of his cuts and abdomen. The slashes on his arms were in a similar state. As if the knife assaults weren’t enough, spots of his body were marred with blistering burns the color of bright red and white. Your heart stung at the obvious pain your hero must be in. No one deserved this, especially not Hood. Your eyebrows furrowed deeper with concern and your frown carved further into your face.

You were startled out of your thoughts when a thumb brushed between your eyebrows, forcing the furrow to even out. You blinked, and shot your gaze up to the owner of the hand. Hood was looking at you with green eyes that were clouded with emotions you couldn’t pinpoint. He had been frowning, but when you locked eyes, the edge of his lips quirked upward ever so slightly. “Keep that face up and you’ll get wrinkles before you’re thirty.” He teased as his thumb once again brushed between your brows, to further his point.

You huffed and shook your head slightly, but not too much to force his hand off of your face. “Keep coming here on the brink of death at 2 am and I definitely will.” You fired back with the ghost of a smirk. Neither of you felt the need to say anything more, Hood’s hand lingered at the top of your head for a brief moment before he retracted it back to his side. You instantly missed the contact. But, you turned your attention back to the task at hand and began caring for Hood’s various other injuries. You used tweezers to fish out the pebbles that had burrowed into his skin and then cleaned the subsequent areas with water and your saline solution. You looked at each cut to determine if it needed stitches or not. For the ones that did, you warned Hood of your plans each time and made extra careful work of numbing the areas before stitching his wounds neatly and efficiently.

Jason watched you in a daze. He could never get over how well you handled everything. Even though he knew you were worried and filled with anxiety, you worked calmly and with composure. You were focused and didn’t let your fears rule your movements, something he greatly appreciated as the one with the injuries. Jason hadn’t planned for any of this to happen. He hadn’t planned for tonight’s ambush to go so wrong, he hadn’t planned to hobble into your apartment nearly blind with pain and dizziness, and he certainly hadn’t planned to take both of his masks off in front of you. Sure, the two of you had been getting closer as of late. After your offer to host him even on nights he wasn’t injured, Jason had been showing up to your apartment a couple nights out of the week to make dinner and watch tv with you. In the past few weeks, Jason had been relishing in the change in your dynamic. Just existing in the same space as you put Jason’s head into a flurry, but in the most exciting way. The best part of his day has been visiting you these last few weeks. And of course, each time he’s entered your place he’s thought about removing the helmet and allowing you to get closer to him in a way he hasn’t let anyone in years. But each time, he’s stopped himself in fear. Fear of what exactly? Fear of putting you in danger, fear of scaring you, fear of disappointing you. Jason Tood would not be able to handle it if any of those things occurred. But there’s no time like the present, as they say. At least you didn’t flinch when you saw him. He couldn’t exactly figure out what you were thinking (whether it was positive or negative) but it wasn’t disgust he saw on your face, so a win is a win.

The black-haired man is suddenly overtaken with words and spits out without realizing, “I’m Jason, by the way.”

You freeze and look up at him questioningly. “I’m sorry?”

“My name, it’s Jason.”

“Oh! Okay, Jason…” You test the weight of his name on your tongue, “Jason, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” You conclude with a genuine smile.

Jason’s entire stomach has just done at least 20 flips. His heart is beating so hard and loud in his chest he hopes you don’t hear it. The man never knew a person could say his name so sweetly. He never knew his name could be uttered without any hint of malice by someone outside of his family. Your pronunciation of his name is echoing in his mind like bells to a dizzying effect. He’s been a fool. He’s been such an idiot. How could he let fear prevent him from lifting his helmet and telling you his name, when he could’ve been hearing the beautiful way you say it all this time? Jason realizes he’s left you verbally hanging for a good minute just staring, so he clears his throat and adverts his eyes. “The pleasure is all mine.” When Jason looks back at you, he sees your smile is still plastered on your face and it gives him a strange sense of pride.

“I want you to know though, I know the mask was probably a lot tonight. I don’t want to force you to say or give up anything for my sake, I’m the one treating you. I’m so glad you trust me enough with your face and name, but I don’t want you to think I need it to help you, Jason. I’d fix you up even if you came in here one day as a bat-Frankenstein.” You’re worried you might’ve pushed him too far tonight. You don’t want Ho—Jason, to think you’re only out to discover his secret identity. You want him to understand that you’d care for him no matter the circumstances, whether you knew his face and name or not.

All at once, Jason felt his throat close up and tears brimming his eyes. Do you know what your words mean to him? Do you know how instantly you make him feel loved? Jason is so certain he is undeserving of your kindness and understanding, but here you are giving it to him freely. Will you ever understand the effect you have on him? How you heal pieces of his soul he thought long shattered. Jason’s full, pink lips quiver into a small smile. A smile of profound gratitude, appreciation, and sadness.

“Angel, it’s long overdue. You’re right on one thing though, I do trust you. I trust you far more than my colleagues would probably advise, but I do so anyway because I can’t do anything else. I keep invading your life in sharp broken pieces and asking you to pick me up off the floor, even at risk of hurting yourself. Yet, you do it each time with a grace Shakespeare wishes he could write about. The fact I want you to understand is that; if I didn’t want you to see my face or know my name, you wouldn’t. End of story. But that’s not the case, so it isn’t the end of the story. You’re not pushing me. And to know that you’d fix me up even if I did end up a bat-Frankenstein, is some of the most relieving news I’ve had all month.” Jason had to end his monologue with a small tease, worried his vulnerability would be too obvious without it. You listen to his words with so much intent you’ve forgotten the rest of the world. An invisible hand is squeezing your heart to the point it hurts. You can only take shallow breaths and you feel as though you might tear up.

“Well then, let’s finish fixing you up.” Your words come out barely a whisper and you go back to tending to his wounds. But neither of you can ignore the change in the air. The swift shift into a heavy lull that keeps a smile on both of your faces. You realize you’ll be done treating him soon and a wave of panic rises in you. He can’t leave now, not after everything we just left unsaid. But he leaves every time I finish taking care of him, without wasting a second. Then, an idea comes to mind. One you’ve conjured up multiple times in the past but never really entertained because of its unlikeliness to occur. It’s a risk, for sure. It’s very possible you mess it up and ruin the evening, but things have gone smoothly thus far and the success has given you a boost in confidence. Plus, you are still majorly concerned for his health, so you brave the question once you’ve completed the last bandage.

“I’m done wrapping your injuries, but that in no way means you’re recovered. I know you’re probably anxious to get back to your safe house or whatever, but you’re a severe liability in your condition.”

“So what do you suggest?” Jason asks with a skeptically raised eyebrow.

“…Um well, I was going to offer —and it’s perfectly acceptable if you say no— but I was going to offer you stay over here for the night, to have somewhere to lie down without having to brave Gotham at night with a concussion and several broken ribs.” You refused to meet Jason’s eyes as you offered him to stay the night, so you missed how they widened in surprise and then lit with anticipation.

“Yeah that— um, I—” Jason coughed awkwardly, something you’ve never seen him do but find endearing, “I mean yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Not sure I could make it a block without collapsing. But you uh— you sure you don’t mind?” Jason’s voice softens in volume at the end of his query.

“I wouldn’t be offering if I did.”

“Fair point.” You smiled at his acceptance of your invitation, secretly giddy at the idea of him spending the night. “But um, I don’t really have anything for you to change into.”

“Understandable. I have my compression shorts on though so I’ll be fine.” Jason assures you and you nod your head. You then help him up off of the bathroom floor. Jason once again lays his arm around your shoulders for support and your stomach twists into knots. The two of you say nothing as you move toward your bedroom. Jason helps open the door with his free arm so you can shimmy your two bodies through the opening. Jason suddenly feels very awkward and misplaced inside. He’s never seen your room before, and to do so now feels so intimate it makes him light headed. This is the most personal space in your entire apartment and it is just now striking Jason that this is where he’ll be sleeping since you don’t have a guest room. Too lost in his racing thoughts, the vigilante doesn’t notice you’ve helped him to sit down on the edge of your bed. You reluctantly pull away from his grip around your shoulders to go turn on your bedside lamp, immediately feeling the absence of his body heat. Jason is pulled back into reality at the loss of contact and is hit with the need to say something but he searches for words with no avail.

It’s you who breaks the silence in a quiet but firm voice, instinctively not wanting to ruin the quiet air of the room. “You can sleep in here tonight. I’ll be in the living room if you need anything. If you get thirsty or hungry please help yourself to anything in my kitchen. The bedroom door locks too, just in case that’d make you more comfortable. Like I said though, if you need anything just come grab me, I’ll be on the couch.” You turn to leave him in privacy, but Jason quickly speaks up.

“You’re gonna sleep on the couch?” He asks incredulously.

“Well that is the only other option.” You affirmed with a raised eyebrow.

“No no no. It’s your house, you can sleep in your bed. I’ll take the couch.” Jason started to get up, but you could see him straining with each movement. You rushed over and gently but forcefully pushed him to sit back on the bed.

“Yeah, no. You are the one who’s severely injured, I’m not letting you sleep on a couch in your state. I really don’t mind anyways, it’s just one night.”

“Well I refuse to make you sleep on a couch in your own home, you already sacrifice enough just letting me in here.” You were about to protest his use of the word ‘sacrifice’ before Jason continued, with a suggestion that made you still. “We could… we could share the bed? I mean— it’s big enough for two people and we’re both apparently too stubborn to let the other one sleep in the living room.” Jason’s lake green eyes scanned your face for any sign of disgust or hesitation, his palms felt sweaty and he suddenly felt like an idiot for even suggesting such a thing.

You were frozen, the cogs turning in your head at the implications of his offer. Your heart was racing. The two of you sleep in the same bed? You had just learned his name, and now you two would be sharing a bed? You tried to stop yourself from feeling so excited at the idea. Jason took your silence for uncertainty and continued blabbering, “We’re both adults, right? I don’t mean anything by it, I just— I don’t want you getting a bad night's sleep on your couch, and your stubborn ass clearly won’t let me sleep anywhere that isn’t a real bed so… I don’t know, maybe it was a dumb suggestion. You can forget about it, I’ll take the couch—”

You interrupted him with a burst, shaking your hands in front of you to keep Jason from getting up. “Oh, no no no. It’s fine, it's fine. Really, it’s cool. We can— we can share the bed I don’t mind. It’s a smart idea. Just, ya know, be careful with your stitches and bandages. I’d hate for you to worsen any injuries in your sleep.” You tried to sound calm and collected, but really you were shaking with excitement and nerves. Jason just nodded slowly, still looking a little unsure at your agreement, but he moved to step out of his armor anyway.

You walked over to your side of the bed, and started fiddling with random nick nacks on your nightstand to try and appear busy while Jason got undressed behind you. Lord almighty, it was taking every ounce of your strength not to look behind you and oogle at what you knew were rippling muscles. “Focus, gotta get through this night without making a fool of yourself.” You thought as you felt the bed dip on the other side, signaling Jason was ready to sleep.

With that, you turned the lamp off and slipped underneath the covers. Jason copied you wordlessly and you both laid in the dark, staring at the ceiling in silence. The air was so thick with tension it was near suffocating, but the two of you were too scared to speak and break the spell of the night. You unconsciously let out a little sigh and turned on your side so your back was facing Jason. You closed your eyes to try and force yourself to sleep, but your mind was hyper vigilant at this point. You could feel the bed dipping to accommodate Jason’s gigantic form on the other side. You weren’t used to sharing this space with anyone, and the fact that you could feel his breath through the mattress had your mind in a frenzy. You were fighting every fiber of your being that was telling you —no, begging you to move closer to the man beside you.

Jason was pleading with the universe in hopes that you couldn’t hear how his heart was thundering in his chest. For someone who’s lying down, his breathing sure is quick. Jason thought this would be enough. Just having you near by, occupying the same space, he thought that’d be enough to satisfy his urge to be near you. But for some goddamn reason, it’s making it worse. How can you be so close yet so far? How much closer can he get before he crosses a line? Jason blames his exhaustion for his next move.

Out of nowhere, you feel something heavy curl around your waist. Your eyes pop open in surprise, and you have to force your body to be still. Jason uses the arm draped across your middle to pull you closer to him. Your back presses against his solid chest and you forget what it was ever like to be cold. You can feel warmth seeping into your skin from every point of contact between the two of you. You can feel each breath Jason takes pushing into your back and you can feel the speeding rhythm of his heart, which you’re sure is close to the speed of your own. Your lips have curled into a smile and you’re fighting off a sigh of contentment.

“Is—is this okay?” Jason’s question comes out in an unsure whisper. If you hadn’t been so close you wouldn’t have heard him.

“Yeah, this is okay.” You reassure at an equal volume, worried that being any louder would shatter the moment. Your smile has evolved into a full on grin.

“Okay.” Jason mutters and then presses his head into the curve of your neck. His muscular arm tightens around your waist and his hand grips your shirt gently. You subconsciously shuffle further into him, though, you didn’t think there was anyway you could physically get any closer. Still, any space left between the two of you was eliminated. Your two breaths became one as your heartbeats synced up. You could feel Jason’s warm breath against your neck and it sent shivers down your spine. Jason felt so warm and happy, here with you in his arms. Holding you felt like a reward he didn’t deserve. He only hopes he’ll be able to do this again…and again, and again, and again.

You’ve never felt so safe as you do in Jason’s arms. It’s almost euphoric, being like this with him. You never want this moment to end, but the warmth of Jason’s embrace is quickly dragging you under the spell of sleep. You hope you wake up with him in the morning, you hope this isn’t a dream. You two have probably crossed some sort of line tonight, not that either of you care right now. The unclear nature of your relationship with the vigilante is something for you to wrestle with in the morning. For now, you’ll fall asleep wrapped in Jason’s arms, with the happy thought that he’ll surely be coming back to do this again.

[miyasturniolo]

WISHING STAR | matt sturniolo

pairing: crush!matt x f!reader

summary: where you both go stargazing for a casual hangout, taking a break from everyone else but later matt spots a shooting star and makes a wish, which later comes true.

warnings: fluff, use of y/n, pet names (darling, love), swearing.

a/n: not my photos, on pinterest. sorry for not posting and this is short but I’m busy for a few months so I don’t have time..

WORDS: 1.1k

miyasturniolo on wattpad

you - pink | matt- blue

-

It was late at night, and both of you wanted to clear your minds. You both had planned to meet because you could talk about anything and feel better afterwards.

With your head resting on his chest, you both gazed at the stars while conversing, alternating between talking and comfortable silences. Right now, silence prevailed as you sought clarity in your thoughts.

Matt had recently been in a tense argument with his brothers, leaving him feeling overwhelmed. Meanwhile, you found yourself in yet another argument with your parents, the third in a row, over something seemingly trivial that escalated unnecessarily.

His arms enveloped you, pulling you closer to ward off the chill of the night. Despite knowing he shouldn't be so attached, he cherished your touch, even though he wants it more than a friend.

Unspoken feelings lingered between you both though while he thought you think of him as a friend.

"Are you cold?" he asked softly, as his warm hands met your skin, causing faint goosebumps. You nodded slowly in response.

He gazed at you briefly, taking in the details of your face before tapping you on the shoulder to indicate that you should move your head off his chest. You followed his instruction without hesitation.

With a gentle smile, he moved and handed you his hoodie once he took it off. “Are you sure?" you asked, a faint blush coloring your cheeks. He simply nodded and helped you put it on without you having to ask.

A soft chuckle escaped him as he pulled you into a hug once more, prompting you to snuggle against him with his jumper on as you both gazed up at the stars.

There was a peaceful silence between you, a sense of safety emanating from his presence. You knew that you could be honest with him without fear of judgment, as he seemed to understand and possibly agree with you.

"What would you do if you were a star?" you inquired after a moment of silence, causing him to furrow his brows in confusion, finding it hard to believe your question was serious.

"What?" he questioned, unsure if he had heard you correctly, though he knew deep down that he had. "How would I know y/n? That's such a random and bizarre question," he remarked with a small laugh then brushing your hair away from your face.

"It's actually a serious question," you corrected him as he just rolled his eyes and pulled you closer which was impossible since he had you so close to him.

"Well, I guess I'll just be the same as any other star love- y/n," he shrugged, pretending he didn’t say anything he wished he could say.

He looked at the stars once again, trying to picture any that he recognised but finding nothing yet.

You chuckled slightly, glancing at him and then back at the sky. There wasn't much to say, as you both always talked and knew the situations you both be in so well, and always gossiping about someone.

He bit his lip gently, focused on the sky, trying to spot shapes or words but finding nothing still.

His blue eyes scanned the sky until he spotted a shooting star, moving his hand to show you. "I spotted it first," he said quickly, indicating that he would make the wish.

You looked at the shooting star as it streaked across the sky, a smile playing on his lips as he likely made a wish. "You're such a kid," you teased him, but he playfully covered your mouth as he finished thinking of his wish.

He chuckled and gently rubbed your back once he released your mouth. "Shut it," he teased, looking into your eyes.

His wish was silly, as he knew it was unlikely to come true, but he was willing to try anything except asking you out, afraid of rejection, especially from a girl who is pretty.

You shifted to face him more comfortably, and he smiled back at your smile. "What did you wish for?"

He heard your question but hesitated, unsure whether to tell the truth. Eventually, he decided to fabricate a lie.

“I didn't wish for anything... I just ignored it," he said casually, though his voice betrayed a hint of uncertainty, causing you to laugh as he looked slightly perplexed. "Tell me your real wish," you insisted.

He glared at you before shaking his head no, prompting a soft groan from you as you gave him a pleading look, but he just huffed. “You can’t be serious,” he said.

You couldn’t help but laugh as he kept his glare on you, quickly stifling your laughter upon noticing an emotion on his face that you couldn’t quite discern.

“Wanna know what I wished for? Actually, forget it. I already know the answer,” he said once he stay silent for a few seconds, sounding like he regretted his words already but still continued speaking.

Confused, you sat up, though he still had his arm around you. “I hate that I have to keep this hidden, but I love you so much. I always have and always will. It’s just so difficult because I know you only see me as a friend. So what I wished was for you to be my girlfriend,” he blurted out.

You stared at him in disbelief, about to speak, but he silenced you with a kiss. You froze momentarily, but then kissed him back. “I mean it... I love you, darling.” he whispered against your lips.

You couldn't help but pull away, albeit not abruptly. He glanced at you, a hint of guilt in his eyes before shifting his gaze to the stars above.

You shook your head, let out a soft chuckle, then gently took his chin in your hand, guiding his eyes to meet yours. At first, his blue orbs wandered everywhere but to you, until finally locking onto your eyes, his heart pounding.

"I love you too... and if you want, I'll be your girlfriend," you whispered, causing him to stare at you in disbelief, his eyes brimming with love and passion. "Are you serious?"

You shook your head in affirmation, his fingers brushing a strand of hair behind your ear.

He was at a loss for words, finally overcoming years of hesitation, feeling somewhat foolish for waiting months for you to reciprocate his feelings.

"Okay, well then, will you be my girlfriend, y/n?" he asked with a hopeful smile, anticipating your response..

MIYAS MASTERLIST & INFO

[paracosmic-murdock]

longings locked

pairing: benedict bridgerton x fem!reader

summary: you were the earl of warwick's sisyphean task—your father's endless and ineffective responsibility to tame you; but him and your brother had the perfect solution, which was to force you to marry a man that kept you caged like an exotic bird. however, the imprisonment only began to be an issue when you met certain benedict bridgerton, who inspired the fatalest fantasies of your mind. how on earth were you to leave that hedge maze, even for the littlest while, to choose you and him?

warnings/tags: infidelity, "i wanna kill my husband" kind of intrusive thoughts, references to family issues, references to arranged marriage, masturbation (r), smut, inappropriate 1810s behavior, no chastity only sluts in this house, class differences, sex work mentioned, song: guilty as sin? (taylor swift)

word count: 8.9K

❁ mila's anthology (main masterlist)

“I want, in fact, more of you. In my mind, I am dressing you with light; I am wrapping you up in blankets of complete acceptance and then I give myself to you. I long for you; I, who usually long without longing, as though I am unconscious and absorbed in neutrality and apathy, really, utterly long for every bit of you.” (Excerpt from Letters to Milena by Franz Kafka)

If anyone asked about you, the reply would surely be something about how kind, lovely, respectful, and fine of a lady you were.

You were born and raised to be one. You had to be, for your rank required you to be just perfect. That, however, couldn't be further from the truth.

As the daughter of an Earl, you were supposed to maintain an impeccable reputation, be well-mannered, and fulfill your duties to your family.

But, no.

You used to ruin dinner parties with contrarian comments about whatever the main conversation was about. You always knew who would come that night, and your week was spent in reading and researching the main topics of conversation the guests would bring to the table. The worst part was that you mostly ended up convincing everyone that you were right, even when you weren't. Especially when you weren't.

You would often tell your father that the best option for him was to allow you to replace him when he passed. According to you, your brother was everything but suitable for the role of an Earl, and you would do way better as a Countess. With how often you would comment on it, your father came to believe you could kill him any moment. He wasn't right, he knew, but nobody could discard the idea completely with how unpredictable you had come to be.

Late night escapades weren't uncommon. Once you learned that there was life outside your home, you marveled at the idea of being part of it. You met a musician on a Tuesday night at a ball and let him show you the wonders of the world, of what the city had to give outside the jewels and palaces. He “made you a woman” —as your mother had called it— before your husband ever could. It was magical until your brother caught you. You never saw Mr. Pike, the violinist, again.

Spending time with the help was your favorite time of the day. Unladylike activities like gardening and baking were strictly forbidden, but you couldn't care less. Begonias and orchids were your favorite flowers, and chocolate éclairs were your star recipe. You had to beg your father not to lay off Virginia, your lady maid back home—who you took to London with you—, for allowing you to do such things. He noticed it took the time you often used for doing more things you shouldn't and ended up indulging you.

You think, every single day of your life, that Lord Warwick hates you. You are not right, but you are not completely wrong either.

Who would have possibly thought that the only thing William Eldridge III, Earl of Warwick, could not control was his own daughter?

You drove him to a despair that only Lord Radcliffe, a man who was in need of a wife for display, could solve. Your father knows what kind of man he is. And still, he chose him as the one who would take that burden—you, off his shoulders, because you were your family's Achilles heel. Even when they had firstly wanted you to marry out of love, they had “no other choice but to force you to take Lord Radcliffe as your husband”, according to your brother. You protested, clearly, under the misconception that you had the privilege of living unmarried to death.

Lord Radcliffe is a vexing man. Ill tempered, proud, egotistical, and a terrible husband.

However, you are grateful that the only time you were intimate was when it was your duty to consummate your marriage. After that, he has always asked if you wished to and respected whenever you said no. You know it will eventually be time to conceive a child, which you dread, but Michael Radcliffe certainly looks at it as a mere obligation he has plenty of time to fulfill.

You know he enjoyed your wedding night. If you were to be honest, you did, too. That, you wouldn't admit to anybody. You also know he prefers some prostitute called Maria, whose name slipped out of his lips when he made you hate him a little bit less for a night, when he, as your mother said, allegedly made you a woman. Only if they knew.

Other than that, he is a terrible husband.

You are not allowed to leave your home under any circumstance unless beside him on your way to a ball or event. The only time you see your parents and siblings is for dinner every fortnight at Radcliffe House. Your only friends are the help, and you cannot receive any visitors unannounced without being approved by him first. And, as if it wasn't enough, he would leave for London every week to see his mistress. Said time, you are not allowed to leave the house.

In terms of being accustomed to being locked in a cage, you are not accustomed. You used to live in the countryside with your family, you rarely ever visited London, but you used to travel abroad and spend time outside. Oftentimes, you hated it, so you made sure to punish everyone since they punished you by taking you places you did not enjoy. Your entire life has been some sort of punishment, you know.

What you also know is that you deserved it more often than not.

Now, you are your husband's most precious possession. Miss Eldridge, the daughter of the Earl of Warwick, is now Lady Radcliffe. His Lady Radcliffe. Three years into your marriage, to look better with you as his wife, he took you to London where nobody knows of your misbehaving back home. Also, it is to be near his mistress.

And it was fine.

You used to love being at your home, having excuses not to receive anyone wanting to befriend you, being most fortunate for only having to pretend to be a happy wife at balls, spending your time reading books on random topics and different stories, gardening, writing, and baking.

The imprisonment, the boasting, the neglect, the infidelity, it was all fine..

All that used to be fine until you met him.

Perhaps it was the alluring white ball gown or the fact that it was your first appearance in London, but everyone was staring at you.

You were uncomfortable. You felt scrutinized by society. You missed being locked right that moment.

“I must speak to those gentlemen, dear,” he notified you. “Fetch some lemonade, I ought to be back shortly.”

You nodded, letting out an exasperated groan as he left.

Dear? You were everything but dear to him, but some lady was right behind you to hear his every word. Nobody should know he actually couldn't care less about you.

You wish he could just vanish. Perish. Die, even!

The lemonade was right in front of you, but you turned around and took a fifth glass of champagne from a waiter's tray instead, opting to leave the ballroom and not waiting for your husband to finish his conversation with those men.

Walking outside wasn't an easy task. You had to dedicate sweet smiles to the ladies trying to approach you and talk to you. The smiles had to be polite enough to please them and your pace quick enough for them to miss you. All of that while still seeming well mannered and respectful.

Difficult, but you could finally put those things your mother taught you when you were younger to use. What every member of high society, especially the ladies, must show: civility.

Difficult, but not impossible.

The air was colder than it was when you first set foot in the Danbury residence. However, the backyard was magical enough for you to consider spending the rest of the evening there.

You took a seat on a bench near a tree, the dark of the night making it difficult to see much color around.

Once you were sitting, you let out a tired breath.

Dear God.

You just wanted to go back home. Being your husband's white peacock felt particularly tiring tonight.

“Good evening.”

You sat straight, looking up to the man whose voice interrupted your prayers for the night to go faster. “Good evening.” You replied, doubtful, the ability to control the movement of your eyes long forgotten: you were fixated on him.

He smirked. “I have not seen you around before, Miss…”

“Lady,” you corrected him. “Lady Radcliffe. My husband and I just moved to London.”

He seemed off, you could tell, and got surprised to see him speaking to you in the state he was in.

“Lord Radcliffe?”

You nodded. “Yes, Lord Radcliffe is, unfortunately, my husband. And you are…?”

“Benedict Bridgerton,” he answered, hiding a chuckle at your honesty, and pointed toward the free seat beside you. “May I?”

You doubted your answer.

“By all means, Lord Bridgerton.”

“Lord Bridgerton is my brother,” Benedict said between a groan as he sat. “It would be Mister Bridgerton, but just Benedict is fine.”

You shook your head. “That sounds terribly improper, Mr. Bridgerton. I am Lady Y/N Radcliffe; Miss Y/N Eldridge by birth.”

“Eldridge? It sounds rather familiar.”

“Ah, my father is an Earl.”

He hummed. “Eldridge? Of Warwick?”

You nodded. “Correct.”

“I have met him. Fine gentleman.”

“You can be honest, Mr. Bridgerton.”

He chuckled. “Well, he is slightly presumptuous.”

“Forgive my father. It is likely I upset him when you last saw him.”

“My, you are quite honest, Miss Eldridge,” he teased you, and just when you were about to correct him, he spoke. “If having Lord Radcliffe as a husband is so upsetting, perhaps calling you by your birth name can ease you at this moment.”

You smiled. “That is so darling of you, Benedict.”

“Ah, is it?” He smirked at your use of his name.

“It is.”

Then, there was a pause. Silence reigned, but you could not be more comfortable.

You wished the rest of the evening could be like that very moment.

“Why is it so awful to be married to Lord Radcliffe?”

“Oh, Benedict,” you muttered. “Where to begin?”

“Hm?”

“I would not know what a good husband should be like,” you said. “My father is one, I assume, but he does not love my mother. He is simply her husband. But Lord Radcliffe is a bad husband. He only married me because he wanted a wife to vaunt, and what better than an Earl's daughter?”

“I see.”

“He has a mistress who lives here,” you whispered. “That is the sole reason we moved to London aside from the fact that he wished to settle himself somewhere no one knows about my reputation. Michael wishes for nothing but prestige, and I am the most wondrous horse that shall take him there. So submissive, compliant. Kind.”

You let out a bitter laugh.

“Kind,” you remarked. “Was anybody to know all the different paths I have designed for my mind to decide how to respond to simply their glances, the word kind would never be used to describe me.”

“You are certainly a particular lady.”

“Only if you knew, Mr. Bridgerton,” You looked at him with a slight smirk as you stood up. “I will be looking forward to seeing you promptly.”

He smiled widely. “Likewise, Miss Eldridge.”

You turned around in an attempt to hide the joyful smile at his way of addressing you.

“Do you not think we should be more present in society, Lord Radcliffe? One ball, I fear, is not enough to show ourselves.”

He frowned and looked at you. “Whatever do you mean by that? I had believed you despised it.”

“Well, yes, but… is there really any point in fighting it any longer?”

“It is true that it is your only duty as my wife. You receive your good share of liberties; it is time for some retribution.”

Liberties. You thought you could kill him.

“Perhaps it would be proper to promenade once a week after breaking the fast. If we establish relations with other high society families, we should be invited to more events.”

“I suppose you are right, wife.”

You exhaled in relief as soon as he looked at the newspaper again. There is, clearly, an ulterior motive from your part. One that would be worth the pain, you know.

Ever since you first met him, you have caught the plague of his memory. His voice, his smile, his words haunted your every thought.

“Shall we go now?” you wondered.

He sighed tiredly. “I am exhausted. Perhaps next week after I return from my trip.”

“Perhaps if you hadn't gone to the tavern last night and returned hours past midnight, you would be well rested.” You rolled your eyes, not thinking twice before speaking your mind.

“I was wondering how those true colors of yours would shine when in London and its new lifestyle,” he noted. “Such generous dowry certainly was not only proportional to your wealth, but to the hard work you have proven to be.”

You pursed your lips, trying your hardest to eat your words.

“Not very opinionated now, are you, wife?”

But he makes it way too difficult.

You dream to wake up one day graced by the divine to the terrible news of Lord Michael Radcliffe passing peacefully in his sleep. When he finally drives you to the ultimate level of despair and insanity, you might cause it prematurely.

“As if I was allowed to speak my mind in this cage,” you spat. “Not that you care. I can be a perfect wife outside this property, and you can be an unfaithful husband outside this marriage whenever you please, as it has been up until now. You only have to bear with me, ignore me, or indulge me. It's not a terrible price to pay for having sycophants left and right because your father in law is the Earl of Warwick.”

He debated in his mind what to do.

“Indulging you is what works best.”

You hid a smirk.

“I hope this satisfies you enough to keep you silent for as long as possible. You know I might run out of patience for you any moment now.”

“Be my guest, husband. Lead the witch hunt.”

Lord Radcliffe wonders why he did not try to draw you in romantically instead of just favoring your father.

He knows the unstoppable pair you would have made had you begun with the right foot.

You know you would have never accepted his advances. Michael Radcliffe might be wealthy and handsome, but he is the worst nightmare for a woman like you.

Who is not a nightmare is that Benedict Bridgerton you met three nights ago, the one you are stealing glances with from afar.

You introduced yourselves to the Bridgertons.

Lord Radcliffe seemed to get along well with Lord Bridgerton, the Viscount, and he did not waste the opportunity to mention you are the daughter of a man with title. He did not fail to notice your annoyance at your husband's comments but decided to ignore it for the sake of you.

Lady Kate Bridgerton, the Viscountess, was making enjoyable conversation with you while your husbands spoke of other matters.

“Life in Mayfair is quite different from life in the countryside, is it not?”

You nodded. “Unbelievably so, My Lady. Adapting to being around so many people all at once this often promises to be a difficult challenge.”

“Certainly,” She smiled kindly. “Perhaps having a friend could make it a little easier, you think?”

“I suppose so. What are you suggesting?”

“Would you like to join us for tea this afternoon?”

You looked at your husband, noticing he was immersed in whatever conversation he shared with the Viscount. Eyes darting to Benedict from afar and then to Lady Kate, you smiled. “If it is not an issue, could we schedule it for tomorrow?”

“It is not an issue, Lady Radcliffe.”

As soon as you bid your husband goodbye, you ran towards the next carriage, making Frederick, the driver, laugh slightly.

“My Lady, where to?”

“Bridgerton House, please,” you replied hastily. “Could you call Alice and Virginia?”

He made a sign to Benjamin, the nearest footman, and he called your lady maids.

“I suppose we shan't announce to Lord Radcliffe what will happen today.”

“Nor my whereabouts whenever he is gone,” you added. “Thank you for doing this.”

“You are the head of Radcliffe House as well,” he replied with a smile. “There is no need to thank us.”

You shook your head. “I surely hope you do not see me only as the lady of the house, but as a friend as well.”

If something is clear, that is how powerful a lady can be when she is friendly with the people she lives with: the people who serve her husband and help her.

That is how things are in Radcliffe House. You have gotten in trouble with your husband about it numerous times.

You couldn't care less.

All the maids, footmen, drivers, gardeners, cooks, everyone is friends with you. When your husband is gone, you dine with them, you have tea with the women, and you chit-chat. You lend them your books and tell them to eat whatever they want, not just whatever there is left of the meals and the low quality food of the day.

You have always treated everyone as equals, even when you aren't allowed to show such behaviors. It is not fatal for a lady to be kind to everyone and to say please and thank you, regardless of their rank.

That is what nobody but you seems to understand.

“We do.” He nodded to then take his place and start driving to Bridgerton House.

“Are you comfortable leaving the house, My Lady?” Alice wondered.

You smiled. “I am.”

“What if Lord Radcliffe finds out?”

“He will not, but I will face the consequences, whatever they might be, when the time comes. Today, he is visiting his mistress, so that time is not here yet.”

You disobeyed your husband as you spoke happily about anything with Lady Kate and Lady Violet Bridgerton, getting to know a few of the siblings that were in the drawing room as well. Including Benedict.

It was a great afternoon, and you enjoyed it as much as you could until it was over. Being near a family was a feeling you hadn't experienced in quite a while.

And a family as united and loving as the Bridgertons? Probably never in your four and twenty years of life.

“Leaving, oh, so soon?” Benedict asked teasingly, seeing you about to leave Bridgerton House.

You smiled as he walked closer to you, almost too close. “Indeed I am, Mr. Bridgerton. It was a pleasure to meet your family.”

“I suppose I will see you before long?”

“There is a ball next week,” you announced. “As long as you attend, you shall see me. Or earlier, perhaps.”

“I will hold onto that promise, hopefully seeing you sooner than later. Though, I swear I will attend the ball…,” He looked you deep in the eyes to then whisper. “... Miss Eldridge.”

You felt your cheeks go warm.

That night, you returned home right on time to take off your gown and jewels and receive your husband as if you hadn't left in the first place.

The smell of the other woman on him got stronger with every moment he spent beside you, but tonight, you cared even less than ever.

Silence reigned during that dinner with your husband, but you were so full of thoughts of Benedict that you could barely eat.

That night, you went to your room and got ready to sleep in utter silence. You took off your dress again, all by yourself, touching your body gently and imagining it was Benedict instead of yourself. You put on the chemise, wishing you could simply wear nothing with him lying beside you and wearing as little as you.

That warmth, once so familiar but now quite distant, took over your body.

You closed your eyes before you could go further in those fantasies.

In vain.

Dreams of him plagued you, his phantom touch burning your skin, his urgent kisses devouring you alive, his name falling off your lips like a prayer… but then you woke up to solitude.

You were desperate. He was driving you mad.

You needed him with you.

For the Smyth-Smith ball, you are wearing your best dress and your finest jewels, and, perhaps, tonight, you can be both your husband's finest display of honor and Benedict's temptation alike.

Oh, what a way to die.

You arrived by your husband's side, letting your imagination run wild enough to imagine it is Benedict instead.

“Enjoy the ball, wife,” he said. “The Bridgertons must be there somewhere. I didn't fail to notice that you and the Viscountess seemed to form an acquaintance during our promenade.”

You nodded. “Indeed we have. We have not talked much, but I should like to befriend her.”

“Then, do. Having a respectable lady as a friend could help tame that recent disposition to misbehaving of yours and give us an important spot in the Ton.”

He is right. As of late, you were even less of a perfect wife.

You were defiant, you ignored him, you were impolite, driving him to forget all about chivalry and basic decency. What is more, is that you confront him regardless.

Your husband yelled at you, caged you in your room, accused you of being mad, and let out numerous empty threats. Well, you believed them to be empty, but they probably were not. At least if he killed you, you would be free of all this torment.

It is more likely you killed him first.

You wonder more often than not if the Ton would confuse the wretched in you for grief instead of the truth, that you are tired of being a good wife, if you tried hard enough. Would they confuse the relief of being finally free for acceptance of your loss?

You wanted to be free.

“Does this mean I have your blessing?” you questioned with irony.

He didn't seem to have read your tone. “So you do.”

“Fine.” You accepted, leaving his side and joining Lady Kate and Francesca Bridgerton. “My, don't you two ladies look absolutely ravishing this evening?”

Lady Kate chuckled, and Francesca blushed. Both thanked you and complimented you, too.

“Did you just arrive?” Lady Kate asked.

“Yes, yet I am tired already.” you commented.

“You must save some energy for when your husband asks you to dance,” Lady Kate said. “I just danced with Anthony for the second time, and getting ready for a third would be wise of me.”

“Have you danced a lot, Miss Francesca?”

She looked at you. “Uh, twice, yes.”

“How has the debutante life been treating you?”

“Well,” she looked around shyly. “There certainly is way much more attention than what I am used to.”

You smiled sweetly. “The price to pay for being such a lovely young lady, I presume.”

“I suppose so.” She blushed, making you smile.

“Dear, there you are.”

You couldn't contain the annoyance in your sigh. Miss Francesca and Lady Kate noticed it but said nothing.

“Husband, here I am.” you confirmed, trying your best to be nice.

He greeted the two Bridgertons in front of you with a charming smile. The signature Radcliffe smile you know your children will inherit alongside the Eldridge imposing frame. “May I have the honor of your first dance?”

You saw yourself being obliged to comply, so you did. A sweet smile took over your lips, as if the man holding your hand was the one you wished to dance with.

Again, your brain did the careful process of imagining your husband's hazel eyes were Benedict's green. You imagined your husband's neat, chestnut curls were Benedict's soft, black hair. Your husband's perfume turned to Benedict's, and his careful touch was replaced by Benedict's steady hold.

If you kept your eyes closed, Michael Radcliffe might look just like Benedict Bridgerton.

So, you did. You kept your eyes carefully closed, being guided by your husband's steps. He was a splendid dancer, certainly, though you weren't as good as he was. You always tried for him, even when you couldn't care less.

You always tried to make that home's coexistence as bearable as possible. It was not easy in the slightest, for you had to bite your tongue and kiss your argumentative nature goodbye. Though, at least, your indoors tendencies could be safely kept.

However, setting your feet on Mayfair and meeting Mr. Bridgerton made you want to see him at all costs, including, but not limited to, having to speak to others more frequently.

A sacrifice you were willing to make and whose resulting stress you get rid of by defying your husband.

Once the dance was over, and before parting ways, your husband spoke: “Careful not to accept any invitations from the Bridgertons, nor to invite them to our home. God forbid anybody discovers how resentful of a wife towards her husband you are.”

“Resentful, Lord Radcliffe? How uncharacteristic of me,” you noted. “Was anybody to hear you speak of me in such a way, they would find out how careless of a husband towards his wife you are. God forbid anyone realizes you do not know your wife at all.”

He smirked. “You are menacing, wife. Keep up with the good work.”

I want to kill him, you thought. Again.

If you could muster the guts, you might as well.

You couldn't speak to Benedict that night. Many balls passed in which you would only exchange longing stares from afar or spoke the smallest bit.

Before, being trapped in such a cage was fine. Now? Now, it is a tragedy to have to spend so many days without seeing Benedict.

But, in all honesty, it is the price to pay.

However, you write to each other rather constantly.

It all started one morning. Alice brought you an envelope to your bedchambers, so careful that your husband wouldn't see it and ask. You know that as soon as he hears it is for you, he would simply assume the letter is from your mother, any of your brothers or sisters, or a friend from home.

Instead, it was addressed to you. The envelope said Lady Radcliffe, but the head of the letter gave away the sender.

Dearest Miss Eldridge…

Your heart skips ten beats each time you read those three words because, right then and there, you know you will be cherished by Benedict's words.

You are thankful your husband knows of your every hobby, so he does not suspect anything when he sees you writing almost every day. He does not suspect anything, or he simply does not care at all.

Either way, you couldn't be more relieved.

When your husband leaves…

I should like that. I wish to see you once again…

Quite an uncommon acquaintance…

Not a soul should know that you and I are writing to each other, nor that we are this close to one another…

How close do you imply we are, Mr. Bridgerton?

You have the most enchanting smile I have ever seen…

Am I bad for wanting this? Am I mad? Am I wise?

I long to see you, Miss Eldridge…

Might a tryst be scheduled for the Cowper Ball?

What kind of man would I be to deny ourselves of such pleasure? I am only human, after all…

Everyone is dancing or conversing, and so should you. Instead, you are looking for Benedict restlessly with your eyes.

The Cowper Ball has been splendid thus far. You wouldn't deny it. Your lavender dress attracted many gazes, even your husband's.

You only ever wanted to attract someone else.

Benedict Bridgerton, as per usual.

As the two of you locked gazes, you moved your head ever so slightly to indicate the hallway that would drive you out of the ballroom to another room, any room.

And you left, observing your husband speak to Viscount Bridgerton, ignorant of everything; Benedict followed you from a respectable distance.

You hid a small smile.

Once you were alone in the hallway, you looked behind and saw him. A boyish grin, one full of mischief, adorned his beautiful face.

Fatally handsome and far too mesmerizing for you to resist.

He walked fast until he was right beside you and led you to the lonely library in the Cowper residence.

He closed the door.

“A fulfilled promise.” you mentioned as soon as you noticed it was the two of you completely alone.

“Did I ever mention how much I adore a woman of her word?”

You chuckled. “Is that so, Mr. Bridgerton?”

“Indeed, Miss Eldridge.” Benedict confirmed, getting, oh, so dangerously close to you.

“Does that mean I am remotely worthy of your affections?” you teased him, fighting the urge to take a step back at his proximity.

“Only if they are reciprocated.” he whispered close to your face.

“I can guarantee you, Mr. Bridgerton, that they are, in fact.”

His fingers traced the silhouette of your features softly, as if you were a fine sculpture found in a museum. One that was forbidden to touch, but he craved to nevertheless. One he had to leave intact, so nobody noticed his actions.

He whispered your name, closing his eyes as his nose rubbed yours softly. “I rot, every second, in hopes to see you. You haunt me every single night of absence, and you own all my dreams during the daytime; you even haunt me every moment I am beside you, for I know you are not mine. I fear, then, that I have never known envy such as the one that travels through every inch of my body at the sight of you and your husband. You must believe that only in your proximity I get to mute my agony, Miss Eldridge. You must… you must believe me…”

You exhaled, breaths blending together and urgency palpable in the air.

Agony, like Benedict said.

You felt it, too.

“You must know that,” he breathed out, lips grazing yours gently without properly doing so. “You must feel it, too.”

“I do,” you confirmed. “I love you, Benedict. It's ruining my life.”

Benedict nodded, attempting to kiss you but stopping himself before doing so. “Mine as well. I have not acted myself since we met, or at least not like the Benedict Bridgerton I was used to. Now, I am someone else; someone whose entire existence is centered in you, and… You could not possibly imagine all the things I want to-”

“You couldn't either,” you interrupted him, taking his hand and driving it to your waist as you buried yours in his soft hair. “For we have done all those things in my head already.”

“When will we take all that outside our minds, Miss Eldridge?” he whispered close to your lips. “And make it a reality?”

“You shall hear from me, Mr. Bridgerton.” You vowed, taking a few steps back.

He called your name.

You shook your head. “Trust me.”

And he trusted you.

You tried your best to shut the voices in your head that called you out for wasting that night. It was the perfect opportunity to finally have each other, but you ruined it with all your paranoia of being caught.

Or, perhaps, what you wanted was for that night to be perfect.

“Dear?”

He excused himself from the conversation with the other gentlemen. “What do you need, wife?”

“Can we go back home now?”

“Why?”

“I am feeling rather unwell.”

Your husband sighed. “Can you not just wait until others start leaving?”

“I said I am feeling unwell.” you remarked. “Or is it that you want me to faint here?”

“Alright.”

You were surprised he had agreed so relatively easily, but decided not to jinx it by questioning it.

The ride home was silent, but you noticed your husband was particularly understanding this one time. However, he didn't care enough to postpone his trip, but not a complaint from you, clearly, as you were far too occupied replaying in your head what had happened between you and Benedict less than an hour ago.

As soon as you were in your bedchambers, you had your lady maid take your jewels and garments off. You wished it had been more hastily as your despair and need were making you go mad, but took the opportunity of another's touch to close your eyes and picture him.

“Are you quite alright, My Lady?” she asked, folding your underwear neatly.

You cleared your throat. “Indeed I am. Why the question?”

“You seem to have a fever.” Alice answered, approaching you with the sleep chemise.

“Leave.” You ordered, knowing that she would notice how aroused you were once she began to put the sleepwear on.

“My Lady?”

“I-” you whimpered. “Just leave, Alice. Sleep tight.”

She nodded. “As you please. Have a good night.”

Certainly, your imagination will make you fulfill her good wishes.

The door clicked shut, and you ran to your bed until you faced the ceiling.

Make it a reality.

What would have happened later? Would he have taken your ball gown off as urgently as you wished to get rid of it just now? Would he undo your coiffure until your hair is finally free of decorations? Where would he kiss you first?

Your lips, perhaps.

You barely touched your lips with the tip of your finger and then traced a slow path to your neck. Lower, to your chest, lower, to your nipples.

You played with them, and with your eyes closed, it was Benedict instead of yourself. Would he touch or pinch or both? Would he lick or suck or both? What would he say to you now? Would he praise you? Would he touch you like Mr. Pike or your husband did? How different from them would he be?

By now, your breath was getting labored, and your body heated up tremendously. Between your legs, there was this need. It was the core of the heat, and it threatened to burn down your whole body if you didn't attend it. So you did.

You are not remotely used to doing it by yourself, and you don't really know what role could your hands play, but you did know what they should replace. However, as soon as your hands reached it, the sudden meeting of your middle finger and your clit made you flinch in delight.

Was this supposed to happen?

You frowned, curious, deciding to do it once again, to explore yourself; the result was magnificent. You imagined, perhaps, that Benedict knew about this particular way of bringing pleasure to a woman, a way you hadn't experienced in any of your previous encounters.

You rubbed yourself, the wetness making it easier to do it faster and faster, the longing making Benedict's name fall off your lips softly, then louder.

Everything surrounding you was lit on fire, bedsheets ablaze, chambers like a chimney lit up on a hot summer day. You didn't do anything else but imagine it was him there with you, and that made you come undone like never before.

You kept rubbing yourself, now more slowly and reaching other parts you did not consider before.

You kept doing it until it hurt, until not even the thought of Benedict could give you the strength to come again.

Holy fuck.

“Virginia, would you join me this morning?” you asked. “I shall invite the Bridgertons to dinner tonight.”

“My Lady, are you sure of this?”

You nodded. “I am. My husband will be with his mistress for the next few days, so I am safe to do as I please.”

She agreed, calling for a carriage to take you to Bridgerton House.

There, the first to greet you was Lady Kate. You joined her in the drawing room while waiting for her mother in law and everyone who wished to join you over tea.

“Can I ask you a question? You can say no if you do not feel like answering.”

You frowned. “Of course, do tell.”

“I couldn't help but realize the tension between you and your husband. More than once, so…” She cleared her throat. “Is there any problem between you both you should like to… converse?”

Lady Kate Bridgerton was new at making friends. She was fine with the circle of people in her house and she could be cordial with others, but befriending a lady just like her —you, in this case— was rare. She didn't know how to approach you nor how to ask you questions. She was not entirely sure how open you would be to sharing things with her, but decided to test the waters this time.

“There are many things I could say about my husband,” you began. “He is not particularly a good one. In fact, he does not know I am here. I am not really allowed to leave the house unless it is with him.”

She tilted her head slightly with an angry frown. “You aren't allowed to?”

“I am not, though it is alright,” you confessed with a sigh. “It was alright until-”

“Until you arrived in Mayfair?”

“Yes,” you confirmed. It was technically true, since you met Benedict in Mayfair, right? “But I do not want to keep living like this, which is why I came to invite your family for dinner tonight. Even if I am not allowed to, I would really appreciate a friend like you.”

“We would be honored,” She smiled. “I could speak to Anthony and tell him not to mention it to your husband.”

“Would you really do that?”

She gave you a sympathetic smile, putting her hand on your shoulder. “That is what friends are for, are they not?”

You chuckled. “I wouldn't really know.”

“No, neither would I.” Lady Kate laughed. “We will see you tonight.”

“It would be my honor.”

“Know that you can come visit me anytime you want to speak about anything and, if it won't get you in any trouble, I could come visit you sometimes, too.”

“As long as my husband thinks of it as an unplanned visit, then I should be fine.”

She sighed. “This seems rather a… delicate matter, you and your husband.”

“I suppose so,” you agreed. “There is nothing I can do in regards to that.”

“Is there any way I can help you?” she inquired. “If I can be honest, Lady Radcliffe, I am biting my tongue to not say anything about your situation.”

“Well, what if we discuss it over tea tomorrow?”

Lady Kate gave you a weak smile. “I would love to, my friend.”

“Why, good morning!”

You looked up, a smile appearing instantly on your face. “Good morning, Miss Hyacinth.”

“Lady Radcliffe, it is nice to see you again!”

“Likewise, Miss Hyacinth,” you replied. “How are you this morning?”

“Quite well, thank you,” She took a seat next to Lady Kate. “Brother, look who is here! It's Lady Radcliffe!”

It was Benedict.

As soon as his sister said your name, he stopped abruptly and joined you in the drawing room instead of continuing his path along the hallway.

His sister in law frowned as she noted his behavior with you.

“Lady Radcliffe, it is a pleasure to have you.”

You felt your cheeks go warm. “I am most thankful, Mr. Bridgerton. I came to invite all of you for dinner tonight at Radcliffe House. I would be honored if you could attend.”

“Certainly, My Lady. I wouldn't miss it for anything.”

Lady Kate and Miss Hyacinth shared confused glances.

“Well, I suppose I have done everything I was planning to,” you announced. “I must return home, then.”

“See you tonight, Lady Radcliffe!”

“I'll be delighted to see you.” you replied to the girl.

“Uh, allow me to lead you, My Lady.” Benedict joined your side and offered you his arm. Lady Kate looked at the two as you felt, figuring it out instantly.

“Tonight, is it?”

You smirked. “Tonight it is.”

“How are we gonna be together with all my family around?”

“I was hoping you had to retire early for some sort of event in my bedchambers.”

He faked a surprised gasp. “Are you aware of what you are implying, Miss Eldridge?”

“As aware as one can be,” you confirmed. “See you tonight.”

You spent the whole evening acting automatically. You knew what to do, and that is what you did: nothing less, nothing more.

The dinner passed rather quickly, to your good fortune. Benedict left right before the dessert could be served, and you knew you would have been upset about it if his whereabouts weren't your bed.

His mother almost killed him, but he insisted it was rather urgent and you reassured the family it was quite alright.

Oh, sure it was.

You would be lying if you said you didn't enjoy the feeling of being one of them. It was an enjoyable dinner, losing formalities to some jesting between the siblings. You were reminded of your brother and sisters because that is the kind of relationship you always wanted to have for your family. It was unfortunate to know that you wouldn't have a family like theirs since you and your husband aren't remotely as amiable as you guessed Lady Violet and her late husband once were.

Ultimately, you decided to stop the overwhelming trail of thoughts and relish the moment, hoping you could host more dinner parties whenever your husband is out with his mistress.

And you did enjoy it, also knowing you would enjoy what would come later. So, when the evening was over, you ran to your bedchambers where you met Benedict.

As soon as you closed the door behind you, he ran to you.

“You could never imagine how much I have longed for this moment.” he confessed, lifting your chin with his fingers softly.

“As have I.” you sighed, a demand for proximity obvious in your tone.

“I would have been mad that I missed dessert,” Benedict whispered against your lips. “if it weren't for the fact that the actual dessert is right before me.”

And he kissed you.

Benedict started with a haste he had never experienced before, but then he slowed down. If he was going to make sure to honor his longing, he would have to make it last.

The way he took off your gown and corset from behind made you hate time itself, and the way he groped your breasts and played with your nipples made you hate your father. The way he took off the remaining piece of clothing, however, made you hate your husband.

Why were there so many things keeping you from Benedict? Why couldn't you just run away with him?

“Your skin is as soft as I have dreamed of in the past weeks,” Benedict noted, turning you around. “But you are far more beautiful here than in my imagination all those nights ago. I could not close my eyes if I didn't think of you first, and-”

You looked at his eyes deeply, quite ready to confess. “If this is wrong, Benedict, so be it. There is no such thing as bad thoughts, the actions are the ones that count… I have dreamt of you and I have touched myself thinking about you, too. Now, our actions can finally talk. It is all worth it if I am with you.”

He cupped your face and brought you to him. Then, he kissed you and it was so sweet it actually felt, oh, so vicious as soon as your tongues joined the moment hungrily. It was way worse when he pushed you against the nearest wall, placed his thigh between yours, and applied pressure, making you flinch.

“Benedict…” you whimpered with your eyes locked on one another, a pleased moan leaving your lips as his hands held your hips and guided you up and down his thigh. “Fuck.”

“You will feel so good tonight, you will want to repeat this the rest of your days.”

You smirked, receiving a short peck from his lips and holding onto his neck. “Well, you will feel good tonight as well. Actually, you will feel so good, you will want to sneak here and fuck me everyday.”

“Would you let me?”

“I would deeply encourage you to.” you replied, burying your hands in his hair to pull him closer.

“More encouragement might as well kill me.” he said, leaving your hips unattended for a minute —but trusting you to continue— to free himself of his shirt and to unbutton his breeches.

“Shall we get rid of all these garments?” you proposed. Benedict nodded with a smirk, putting you down so he could get rid of the breeches and of your undergarments as well.

Now, you both stood there completely naked before the other. It didn't take you very long to return to your previous position, with you pinned against the wall beside the chimney and grinding on his thigh and him kissing you and guiding you.

Your skin was burning in a deadly fever, covered in a fine layer of sweat that made it shine under the glow of the fire giving light to your bedchambers. Benedict was not that different, just more desperate, almost dizzy. The smell of your arousal was becoming intoxicating, so much that desiring it that bad could make him faint at last.

He stopped the movement of your hips and put you down. You contemplated expressing a complaint until you saw him kneel before you.

“Benedict?” You frowned, not knowing the purpose of his new position but not protesting either. His hands squeezed the soft skin of your ass and then lowered to the back of one of your thighs, driving it to lie on his shoulder and give him better access to your cunt. “What are you-? Oh…”

Benedict smiled from underneath you, looking up as your back arched and eyes rolled back. One of your hands went to his hair and the other to the mantle of the chimney for support. His hot breath on your wet cunt made you gasp and flinch slightly, causing a loud moan to fall from his lips.

He began with short kisses on the inside of your thighs, delicate sucks, and you felt frenzied. You never could have guessed this was a thing.

“Dear God-” You sighed, caressing his hair as he continued. However, it transformed into a harsh pull of his hair as soon as his tongue licked your cunt. “Oh, my God!”

Benedict let out a short chuckle, giving you some unexplainable feeling of pleasure. He kept on licking and sucking and teasing, and now you feel like nothing can be better than this.

Sooner than you expected, you came in such bliss. Benedict didn't stop his ministrations and you didn't either until you came once again, a feeling so enticing you would accept your faith if you were told just now that your time finally came around.

“Your taste is a gift from the heavens.”

You chuckled. “Your mouth as well.”

“Shall we go to your bed?” Benedict proposed.

You nodded eagerly, leading the way.

“Do you sleep here with your husband,”

“No,” you answered, lying next to him. “He has his own room and I have mine.”

“The two of you don't…?”

You shook your head, getting closer to him and leaving gentle bites on his neck. “Only on our wedding night.”

“Did you enjoy it?” He drove his hands to your hips and brought you even closer, making you gasp when you felt him hard against your cunt.

“Yes,” you confessed, grinding on him. “But not nearly as much as I am enjoying it with you.”

“Am I hearing correctly?” Benedict questioned with a smirk, suppressing a loud, grotesque groan. He then spoke. His purpose was to tease you, but a glimpse of insecurity slipped from his heart. “Lady Radcliffe's husband doesn't satisfy her, which leads her to me…”

“If he does not satisfy me, I can always satisfy myself,” you answered, looking deep into his eyes and trying to reassure him as you stroke his hair. “But not having you is a void not even God Himself could ever fill.”

With that, he softened his expression and looked at you lovingly. Adoringly. Unbelievably so. His focus was all on you, eyes touring your face meticulously, as if wanting to memorize your every pore.

“Is it not time we do something to fill that void, then?”

“I concur,” You pressed your forehead against his and put your leg on his, giving him better access. “Make me yours, Benedict. In heart and soul, I already am… Make my body as yours as it is in my every dream.”

“You wish for me to make you mine?” he asked in a whisper. His hand went from your hips to the inside of your thigh, tracing soft circles with the tip of his fingers on your skin. “What do you propose?”

Benedict ached for you, for some release, for anything, but all he wanted was to please you. As he now knows that you have been deprived of pleasure for so long, he wanted nothing but to give it to you even if that meant he had to deprive himself of it for a little.

“Please,” you begged, almost in a whisper. “Make me yours.”

He smiled softly to then give you an adoring kiss. In it, you felt all the love and longing in his heart, and you knew you loved him and longed for him, too. You kept them all locked, but not anymore. Now they are out in the wild and displayed for him to know that you love him.

The kiss didn't end, not when his fingers reached your clit and began rubbing it softly and not when you felt him finally get inside you. Right where he belongs, that is with you.

Benedict made you lie underneath him, now in and out, out and in, and it all almost felt like a delusion.

“Mine,” he muttered as he broke the kiss. Benedict's lips went to your neck, kissing you there now. “Mine, mine, mine…”

“Yours only.”

“I have never loved anyone,” he confessed. “Not even a little bit, Y/N. But I love you. I have been with others, but not quite like this, not with such feelings and longing. You have no idea how empty I am… nothing on Earth has given me a small amount of purpose; not art, not family, not friends, much less parties or empty bonds, but you… you make me feel like I belong somewhere, like it is quite alright to want someone as much as I want you. I want you.”

“Benedict…” you moaned, intertwining your hands to his and locking your eyes so you could let him know with a glance that he was not alone in those feelings.

“You vanish all my emptiness, my apathy, my imperfections, my loneliness. Your presence overwhelms my very being, as if I was drowning in a cup of tea or as if I was trapped in a portrait, forever frozen in time. Agonizing, static, utterly lost, but blissfully yours. I am yours, you are mine, and not a thing in this lifetime matters compared to my love for you. I wish for nothing but to spend the rest of my life with you because I love you so passionately it could kill me any moment, and I would gladly admit defeat to your devastating self. I would ruin myself and let you do whatever you want with my broken pieces. I trust you to break them in smaller pieces, for I know they will be neat; I trust you to dispose of me, for I am certain I will perish in peace; I trust you to rebuild me, for I know I would end as good as new, or even better than I have ever been. I love you so much I cannot breathe in your absence, nor in your presence. I am oblivious to my entire existence, and I wouldn't have it any other way as long as you are the one causing it all. As long as you're mine.”

You cupped his head in your hands and kissed him. It was not a kiss, it was the kiss. You left all of yourself in that contact.

Some people consider kisses to be vain. Kisses are insignificant and prove nothing more than the heat of a moment. Words, intimacy, actions, however, prove it all.

But this kiss proved otherwise, and it was so powerful that you exploded in delight in it and felt him do the same inside of you.

“I love you,” you admitted. “You are not a whim, nor a pastime. You are all that I want and love, and I will do whatever it takes to be with you. I am terribly exhausted to pretend to be perfect when all I want is to be imperfect with you.”

Benedict left your body empty, but you couldn't feel more complete now. “I will wait for you, however long it takes.”

You kissed Benedict one last time before snuggling close to him.

“It shan't take too long. Trust me.”

“With my life.” He kissed your forehead and held you close.

Benedict hoped to God he could hold you like this forever and evermore.

benedict bridgerton taglist: @imgondeletedis