#i think that's the first time i get to use that tag for him... might need to go back and edit previous posts

[baker-chan-senpai]

some friends

[cuntyji]

CUPID'S DUMBEST SOLIDER ౨ৎ RYOMEN SUKUNA X READER

summary: ryomen sukuna, king of the school and reigning bad boy extraordinaire, has one rule: prom is for losers. but apparently, his too-good-to-be-true girlfriend (seriously, what are you doing with him?) thinks promposals are cute. so now he’s stuck planning the most over-the-top, cringe-inducing spectacle known to mankind. armed with zero artistic talent, a ton of misplaced confidence, and multiple dumb ideas, sukuna’s on a mission to prove that he’s boyfriend material. will he survive the humiliation of public vulnerability? will his classmates ever stop laughing at him? and more importantly, will you even say yes after watching him trip over his own ego mid-promposal? spoiler alert: sukuna might hate prom, but he doesn’t hate you — just don’t tell anyone or his bad boy reputation is toast.

warnings & tags: all characters except yuuji are high-schoolers [aged eighteen]. 100% sfw and crack. lots of high-school and social media related drama. sukuna is ooc but he's a loverboy. slight angst, misccommunication and misunderstanding, reader gets bullied. mentions of drugs & vaping. reader is sort of preppy [only when compared to sukuna], implied stsg and tomema. mentions of: yuuji, choso, gojo, geto, shoko, nanami, toji (zenin), naoya, yorozu, mei mei, uraume, mamaguro, wasuke itadori, mai and maki zenin.

a/n: i'm writing this because i'm thinking about my last year of highschool a lot. please enjoy <3

‼️i recommend reading on ao3 :) thank you for being here!

chapter one: love at first “you’re kidding, right?”

prom sucks. 

sukuna's decided this long before he even knew what it was, back when he was a kid and thought dances were just for the weak. now? the banners are inescapable, plastered on every wall like wanted posters, except the only crime being committed is how much glitter they used. seriously, who thought this level of sparkle was necessary? he doesn’t even want to look at them, let alone read the overly enthusiastic “prom countdown” in bold bubble letters.

but here’s the kicker—you’re excited. 

you. his girlfriend. the only person he’s ever willingly given his jersey to, the one he pretends not to care about but secretly loses his mind if you’re even five minutes late to meet him after practice. you’re actually grinning at the posters, casually mentioning how it might be “fun.”

fun. the word leaves a sour taste in his mouth, much like the time he accidentally puffed on his teammate’s fruit-flavored vape, pretending he didn’t low-key enjoy it. and now, just like back then, sukuna refuses to admit the truth: the idea of seeing you all dressed up, looking at him like he’s worth more than a fistfight and a bad attitude, is enough to make his brain short-circuit.

“you know,” you say one day, glancing over your shoulder at him as you tug on his sleeve. “prom doesn’t have to be a big deal. it’s just one night.”

“then why’s everyone acting like it’s the olympics?” he mutters, shoving his hands in his pockets. he keeps his eyes firmly on the ground, not on the way your smile softens like you already know what’s going on in his head.

because of course you know. you always know. it’s annoying.

but the thing is, sukuna’s always been a fighter. he knows how to take a hit, how to deliver one back, how to keep moving even when his ribs feel like they’re cracking under the pressure. this, though? asking you to prom? it feels like trying to fight blindfolded in a ring full of glitter bombs.

“you’re thinking too hard about it,” you tease, leaning closer, and he has to resist the urge to snap back with something sarcastic. instead, he just grumbles something incoherent, hoping you’ll drop the subject.

spoiler: you don’t.

“come on, it might surprise you,” you add, giving him that look—the one that makes his chest feel annoyingly tight and his brain feel like it’s melting. and just like that, sukuna knows he’s doomed. he doesn’t even know how you managed to turn this whole thing around, but here he is, contemplating how to ask you to prom like it’s some epic quest.

but for now? he’ll just keep glaring at the posters, convincing himself it’s all for you. definitely not because he’s secretly imagining what it’d be like to see you under those stupid lights.

yeah. that’s it. it’s for you.

why is sukuna losing his absolute mind over asking you, of all people, to prom? it’s not like you’re some untouchable deity perched on a golden throne. you’re just you—the one person who’s seen him shirtless and sweaty post-practice and didn’t immediately gag. the one who has the audacity to call him “cute” after he’s just finished smashing someone’s face in and honestly? he still hasn’t forgiven you for that.

and yet, here he is, spiraling like a damn teenager—which, fine, he technically is, but that’s beside the point. this isn’t just prom. this is war. but why does it feel like he’s already lost?

he doesn’t even know when this whole “you and him” thing started. 

oh wait. yes, he does.

cue the flashback: sukuna, bloody and bruised, crouched in an alley after picking a fight with college kids who were built like linebackers. he was sure this was it. the end. game over. then suddenly, you appeared, haloed by the sun.

or maybe that was just his swelling eye playing tricks on him.

“are you seriously bleeding again?” you’d said, hands on your hips like you were scolding a toddler who’d colored on the walls. you looked so annoyed, so unimpressed, so... angelic? he doesn’t know. blame the blood loss.

“what’s it to you?” he’d snarled, expecting you to walk away like everyone else. but instead, you crouched down, pulled out a first-aid kit from god-knows-where, and patched him up right there. like some feral stray, he’d just sat there and let you.

and then, because subtlety is not in sukuna’s vocabulary, he’d yelled at you a few weeks later to “just be my girl already,” fully prepared for rejection. except you’d said yes. casually. like it was no big deal.

liar. it was a huge deal. he’d wanted to cheer so loud they’d hear him across town. instead, he’d just grunted and said, “fine,” as if he hadn’t just won the lottery.

now, here’s the thing: sukuna doesn’t “do” feelings. or labels. or mushy crap like this. but somehow, you’ve made it your personal mission to take care of him, and the worst part? he lets you.

so, yeah, obviously he needs to “man up” and ask you to prom before some other idiot gets the idea. the thought of someone else—someone less deserving—getting to stand next to you in those ridiculous photos everyone takes? absolutely not.

but how is he supposed to ask you?

“hey, wanna go to prom?” no. too boring.

“you and me. prom. be there.” god, no. too aggressive.

“i’ll fight anyone who tries to take you if you say yes.” okay, maybe, but he doesn’t want to scare you.

and what if you say no? …no, scratch that. you wouldn’t. right?

“why do you look constipated?” your voice pulls him out of his internal chaos, and he realizes he’s been frowning so hard his face hurts. 

“shut up,” he grumbles, shoving his hands in his pockets. you just laugh, that soft little sound that makes his chest feel annoyingly warm. “you’re so silly sometimes.”

silly? silly? sukuna’s this close to snapping back, but he bites his tongue. for now. he’ll figure it out. eventually. probably. 

unless someone else beats him to it.

nope. not happening. over his dead body.

chapter two: swipe, stress, repeat

if sukuna from a month ago could see sukuna right now, he'd be frothing at the mouth. the self-proclaimed king of school, the untouchable badass who spent his time punching people and skipping class, reduced to lying in his bed, phone clutched in hand, scrolling through tiktok like some lovesick idiot? 

embarrassing. absolutely humiliating. 

the guy would’ve torn his own future self apart, verbally and probably physically, for this kind of behavior. but present-day sukuna? he couldn’t care less. if past sukuna had a problem, he could take it up with the tiktok algorithm because, damn it, he was busy right now.

sukuna's room is peak sukuna. the walls are painted a deep gray—an edgy, brooding shade that screams “it’s not a phase mom,” and yet the color somehow sets off the aggressively pink hello kitty lamp on his bedside table. don’t ask why he has it. it’s your fault, anyway, since you bought it for him, and when he told you he wouldn’t use it, you pouted. now the damn thing stays on every night. 

his bed is a mess of black sheets, crumpled in a way that suggests he both sleeps like a starfish and fights imaginary enemies in his dreams. the single poster above his bed is of some obscure underground metal band you probably pretend to care about when he rants, but the corner is peeling because he’s too lazy to fix it. 

on the desk? chaos. protein powder tubs, half-used cologne bottles, random dumbbells, and a notebook that’s only ever been opened once—probably because he mistook it for a coaster. nestled among this battlefield of masculinity is his phone charger, tangled in a knot that somehow feels symbolic of his life choices.

but let’s talk about the tiktok doom scrolling session. sprawled on his bed, legs dangling off the edge, sukuna clears out his notifications, which are predictably 90% you tagging him in ridiculous couple reels. “this is us <3,” you captioned one, featuring two lopsided cartoon bananas cuddling. another one? a video of raccoons stealing food with the words “me and you robbing mcdonald’s after your practice :3” plastered over it. he groans loudly but still clicks the tag, because god forbid he misses one.

and then he sees it: the initials trend. he stumbles across a video with the letters r + your initial floating on-screen, surrounded by sparkly hearts. it takes him a solid two tries, but when the stupid thing finally lands on the right combination, sukuna practically slams the save button. the smug grin on his face could rival the one he wears after winning a fight. “got it,” he mutters to himself, as if he’s achieved something monumental. and maybe he has—because nothing screams romance like a tiktok filter confirming your undying love. his phone buzzes again, and it’s you, sending yet another video. he opens it, and it’s a clip of two fat seals flopping in the water together. “this is us,” you text, followed by a string of hearts. sukuna lets out a sharp laugh, shaking his head. “you’re so dumb,” he mutters, even as he saves the video.

but tonight, sukuna is a man on a mission. a stupid mission, in his humble opinion, but one he’s reluctantly accepted because of you.

his night started the same as it always does lately—on call with you while you go through your nightly skincare routine. he pretends not to care, half-listening as you ramble about serums and exfoliators, but if anyone asked why he knows the difference between niacinamide and retinol now, he’d deny it with his whole chest. “okay, goodnight,” you say eventually, and he feels weirdly warm when you pause, waiting for his reply. “yeah, yeah. goodnight,” he mutters, then sends you a five-line-long text he drafts with the precision of a tactical operation. it’s disgustingly sweet, full of things so cheesy he could probably use it as a weapon in a fight. 

of course, he ends it with a selfie—him lying on his bed, shirtless but casual, because he knows you eat up this couple-y nonsense. “cute,” you reply immediately, followed by a flurry of heart emojis that make him roll his eyes and grin at the same time. with that out of the way, it’s doom scrolling time. 

but tonight isn’t about your endless tags of raccoon memes or seal videos. no, tonight, sukuna is diving into the depths of promposal content.

his room is dimly lit, the only light coming from the soft glow of his phone and the offensively pink hello kitty lamp on his bedside table. the contrast between the lamp and his deep gray walls is glaring, but he’s gotten used to it—he even mumbles a “thanks, kitty” when he turns it off at night. sitting cross-legged on his bed, surrounded by a haphazard array of items—a half-empty protein shake, a stray dumbbell, and a random sock he’s too lazy to find the pair for—he scrolls through tiktok like a man possessed. 

promposals flood his feed, one after the other, and his frown deepens with every video. flowers, posters, confetti—it’s all the same. one boy after another holding a sparkly sign with some cheesy pickup line, and a group of random bystanders shrieking like it’s the second coming of christ. “yuck,” he mutters under his breath, barely noticing when he tosses his dumbbell off the bed with a loud thud! “this is how people live? pathetic.”

then he sees it: a video of a guy holding a giant poster that reads, “are you a parking ticket? because you’ve got ‘fine’ written all over you.”

sukuna’s jaw drops. “oh, hell no.”

without thinking, he types out a comment: “i can do better.” and when the notifications flood in from strangers defending the boy’s cringe-worthy effort, he actually guffaws, shaking his head in sadistic satisfaction. but then a thought strikes him. what if this is what you expect? what if you want the cheesy pickup line, the sparkly poster, the ridiculous crowd cheering you on? the idea makes him physically recoil, but he can’t ignore the tiny voice in his head whispering, it’s for her.

and when he exits tiktok, his matching hello kitty profile picture with you stares back at him, painfully cute and obnoxiously pink. it’s a sharp contrast to the guy who spent ten minutes this morning threatening his neighbor’s dog for barking too much.

groaning, he sets an alarm on his phone for tomorrow morning. “five hours of sleep,” he mutters to himself, glaring at the clock like it’s personally offended him. with a dramatic sigh, he reaches over and switches off the hello kitty lamp. the room plunges into darkness, but his mind is already racing, plotting ways to outdo every cringe-worthy promposal he’s seen.

you’d better appreciate this, he thinks, punching his pillow into shape before flopping onto it. because if sukuna’s doing this, he’s going to do it better than anyone else.

—

the next day, sukuna wakes up with the vague hope that he’ll somehow embody the effortlessly cool energy of those coming-of-age movie protagonists you seem to fawn over. the universe, however, has other plans. his “cool boy” morning routine includes stubbing his toe on the corner of his bed, swearing loudly enough to make the neighbor’s dog bark, and grabbing a shampoo bottle to wash his face before realizing, mid-lather, that something isn’t right.

by the time he’s dressed in a ratty old lakers jersey his mom gave him ages ago (that’s definitely seen better days), he’s already on edge. he triple-checks that the beaded bracelet you made him is securely on his wrist. one time, he forgot it in the abyss of his bag, and you didn’t talk to him for all of lunch period. the memory alone makes him shudder. high school relationships are no joke; he’s convinced they’re scarier than any fight he’s been in. “yuuji!” he bellows, dragging his seven-year-old brother by the scruff of his neck like a misbehaving cat. “we’re gonna miss the bus!”

“but i’m watching powaaaaa rangerrrrsssss!” yuuji wails, kicking his legs in protest. for the fifth time. in a row.

“i don’t care if they’re morphin’ again for the hundredth time,” sukuna snaps, hauling the squirming kid out the door.

once on the school bus, sukuna practically shoves yuuji into the front seat with his group of loud, chaotic little friends—toge, the broody one, and nobara, the one who’s probably already plotting world domination. “don’t cause trouble,” he growls, earning a cheeky grin from nobara and a half-hearted glare from toge. then, sukuna retreats to his rightful throne in the backseat. people probably think he’s texting some gang leader to set up a fight or maybe coordinating a weed deal. but no. you know what he’s actually doing?

writing you the sappiest good morning text imaginable.

with his phone held at a suspicious angle, he types furiously:

good mornin sunshine ❤️❤️❤️ sorry this is late. woke up thinking about you and totally forgot how to function lol. you’re probably already looking perfect but don’t forget to eat breakfast okay???? can’t have my girl passing out and making me look bad 😏. also did i ever tell you your bedhead is cute? bc it is. anyway have a good day baby i’ll see you in school soon. love you.

he stares at it, debating whether it’s too much. but then again, you’re the type who sends him texts like, “did you know sharks existed before trees? good morning !! <3 :3” so he figures he’s safe. after hitting send, he leans back with a satisfied smirk, like he’s just conquered the world. if anyone dares to ask, he’ll lie through his teeth about what he’s doing. but deep down, sukuna knows he’s whipped. totally and utterly.

—

sukuna’s morning ritual of chaos continues as he practically shoves yuuji toward the elementary school section, muttering curses under his breath while dodging questions about his bracelet.

“but when can i get tattoos like yours?” yuuji asks, for the millionth time this week.

“never,” sukuna snaps, ruffling yuuji’s hair just hard enough to mess it up.

“but why nooottt?” yuuji whines, pouting. “they’re cool! toge said they make you look like a bad guy!”

“tell toge to mind his own damn business,” sukuna growls, ignoring the way yuuji’s tiny friends scatter at the mere sight of him. when one of the kids starts crying, he scoffs loudly. elementary schoolers are weak.

with yuuji safely deposited, sukuna sprints—yes, sprints—to the high school section, expertly weaving through crowds of students. if anyone asks, he’ll say it’s because he’s late to class, but really, he’s looking for you.

when he spots you at your locker, a familiar warmth floods his chest, but he quickly shoves it down, replacing it with a carefully practiced scowl. if sukuna could have it his way, he’d profess his undying love for you in the most dramatic way possible—on his knees, quoting some shakespeare nonsense about your ethereal beauty or whatever the old dead guy used to write about. but alas, his bad boy reputation is at stake. 

so instead, he settles for a gruff, “yo,” as he leans against the locker next to yours, arms crossed, trying to look casual. you glance up, smiling brightly. “morning! did you sleep okay?”

“yeah,” he lies, conveniently forgetting the part where he only got five hours of sleep because of tiktok research.

you go on, oblivious to the way he’s fighting the urge to smile like an idiot. “ugghhh, i got up five minutes late today. five whole minutes!” you pause dramatically. “so i didn’t have time to pack my stationery, and now i have to use my backup stationery pouch from my locker. do you know how annoying that is?”

“devastating,” sukuna deadpans, nodding solemnly. “truly, the world is cruel.”

“right?” you huff, pulling the pouch from your locker. “like, what if the backup doesn’t have my favorite pens? what am i supposed to do then?”

he watches you, amused, as you rummage through your locker like your life depends on it. secretly, he loves how animated you get over the smallest things, but god forbid anyone else find out. “wish i had backups,” he mutters, half to himself. “my locker’s just got junk. extra shoes, pants, a charger, and, uh…” he pauses, eyeing you carefully. “a vape.”

you turn to him, raising an eyebrow. “a vape?”

“it’s not mine,” he says quickly, standing straighter. “holding it for a friend.”

“sure,” you tease, smirking. “it’s true!” he insists, trying to look indignant but failing because you’re smiling at him, and it’s making his brain short-circuit.

as you shut your locker, you start rambling about your next class, and sukuna does what he does best—stands close, nods occasionally, and tries to act nonchalant. inside, though, he’s cataloging every word you say like it’s gospel, marveling at how even your complaints sound cute. he stuffs his hands in his pockets, pretending not to care, but the truth is written all over his face: sukuna is hopelessly, ridiculously in love. and it’s a problem he wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.

as you and sukuna make your way down the hallway, everything seems normal—or as normal as a high school hallway can get. the fluorescent lights buzz overhead, lockers slam shut, and a cluster of juniors are trying to tape a "kick me" sign to someone’s back. sukuna’s tuned most of it out, but that’s when the universe decides to test his patience. smack dab in the middle of the hallway, it happens.

“oh my god!” you squeal, tugging on sukuna’s sleeve.

he already hates this.

in front of you both, a whole crowd has gathered. there are girls crying into their hands, boys hooting like it’s a football game, and teachers yelling about how this is a fire hazard, which no one is listening to. and at the epicenter of it all is none other than gojo satoru.

“suguru!” gojo announces, holding up a bucket of kfc chicken in one hand and a bouquet of roses made entirely out of dollar bills in the other. “you’re the butter to my biscuit, the drumstick to my chicken, and the love of my life! if you don’t go to prom with me, i’ll throw myself into oncoming traffic!”

“oh my god, he’s so dramatic,” you whisper to sukuna, but your voice is dripping with excitement. “this is adorable!” sukuna blinks at the scene, trying to process what’s happening. “adorable? this is a migraine waiting to happen.”

meanwhile, geto—poor, unsuspecting geto—is standing there looking like he’s debating whether to run or laugh. “satoru, what the hell?” he finally manages, his voice somewhere between exasperation and amusement.

“it’s love, suguru!” gojo declares, dropping to one knee for added effect. “say yes, or i’ll never recover!”

“that’s definitely not true,” sukuna mutters under his breath.

“shh!” you scold, hitting his arm lightly. “this is so cute!”

“it’s cringe,” sukuna grumbles. “he’s holding chicken.”

“the chicken makes it better!”

“the chicken makes it worse,” sukuna counters, crossing his arms. but he can’t deny that the bouquet of dollar bills is kind of genius. if he had to respect one thing, it’s that. geto sighs loudly, clearly resigned to his fate. 

“fine,” he says, shaking his head but unable to hide the small smile on his face. “i’ll go to prom with you, satoru.”

the hallway erupts.

girls start crying harder, like their hearts have been ripped out of their chests. “geto’s off the market!” one of them wails, collapsing into her friend’s arms. the boys cheer, probably just glad they don’t have to be involved in anything like this. and gojo? gojo lets out a triumphant yell, pumping his fist in the air. “i told you he loves me!” their friend group immediately piles on, clapping geto on the back and hyping up gojo like he just won the lottery. you, meanwhile, are clutching sukuna’s arm and bouncing on your toes. “oh my god, that was so cute!” you gush. “did you see the chicken? and the bouquet? sukuna, that was so sweet!”

sukuna looks at you, then at the chaos, then back at you. he feels a headache creeping in. “sweet? that was... loud.”

“you’re impossible,” you say, laughing as you let go of his arm to keep walking.

but sukuna isn’t laughing. oh no, because now there’s a new problem: he has to top that. as he follows you down the hallway, he rubs his temples, muttering to himself. “chicken and dollar bills. great. what’s next? fireworks? a live band? a damn parade?”

you glance back at him, raising an eyebrow. “what are you mumbling about?”

“nothing,” he snaps, quickening his pace to catch up.

but inside, he’s panicking. topping gojo satoru’s level of absurdity is a tall order, and sukuna isn’t sure whether to be pissed off or impressed. probably both. one thing’s for sure, though: he has his work cut out for him.

sukuna finally wades through the chaos of the hallway—largely composed of gojo clinging to geto’s foot like a very loud termite—and drops you off at your first class of the day: english language and literature. you sigh dramatically, digging through your bag and muttering about how your lack of highlighters is basically a crime against academia. “how am i supposed to annotate macbeth without my stationary pouch?”

sukuna, leaning against your desk with all the casual confidence in the world, rolls his eyes. “it’s not that deep.” but then, in a move that makes you freeze, he pulls a neon highlighter out of his pocket and tosses it to you. “use that,” he grunts, like he just handed you a scrap of paper, not an intimate act of love. 

you blink at the highlighter, then at him, like he just gifted you the moon. “did you just—where did you even get this?”

“don’t ask questions,” he snaps, already looking like he regrets the decision. (he definitely stole it from someone’s pouch months ago.) but you’re staring at him with so much adoration it’s almost embarrassing. 

“this is... this is the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for me.”

sukuna freezes. “you’re joking.”

“i’m not joking.”

he looks like he’s questioning every life choice that brought him here, but before he can respond, his phone buzzes in his pocket. it’s a text from toji zenin. the message is cryptic and infuriatingly vague: “grounds. now.”

sukuna sighs loudly, shoving his phone back in his pocket. “gotta go,” he mutters. he leans down and plants a quick kiss on your cheek before bolting out the door, and you both freeze for half a second, equally flustered. “uh—bye!” you call after him as he practically sprints out of the classroom, the beads on his bracelet jingling against his wrist.

by the time sukuna reaches the school grounds, he’s already mentally prepared for a fight. he’s even got his tough guy face on—jaw clenched, shoulders squared, the works.

but when he spots toji zenin and shiu kong standing by the bleachers, something feels off. toji isn’t cracking his knuckles or smirking like usual. instead, he’s pacing, running a hand through his hair like he’s stressed. 

sukuna narrows his eyes. “what the hell is this? if this is another one of your stupid pranks, i’m decking you both.”

“relax,” toji says, holding up his hands. “i’m not here to fight.”

“yet,” shiu mutters, earning a glare from toji. sukuna crosses his arms. “then what do you want?”

toji looks around, as if checking to make sure no one else is listening. then, in a voice so low sukuna almost doesn’t hear it, he says, “i need your help.”

sukuna blinks. “what?”

“you heard me.”

“no, i definitely didn’t. because it sounded like you said you need my help.”

“i did.” toji looks like admitting it physically hurts him. “look, it’s about fushiguro.”

sukuna raises an eyebrow. “who?”

“you know, my... my...” he gestures vaguely. “crush.”

sukuna stares at him. “you dragged me out here to talk about your love life?”

toji groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. “listen, it’s not that simple. i need your help to... to bully her.”

“...what?”

“bully her,” toji repeats, like it’s the most logical thing in the world. “you know, make her life miserable so i can swoop in and save the day. it’s foolproof!” sukuna stares at him for a long moment, trying to process the sheer idiocy of what he just heard. 

“you want me to bully your crush so you can play knight in shining armor?”

“exactly.”

“you’re an idiot.”

“c’mon, sukuna,” toji pleads. “you’re good at the whole intimidation thing! you don’t even have to go hard, just—”

“no.”

“but—”

“no.”

shiu snickers from the sidelines. “told you he wouldn’t do it.” toji glares at him, then turns back to sukuna. “fine. then give me advice or something! how am i supposed to ask her to prom?”

“i don’t know, maybe try not bullying her?”

“wow, thanks for the groundbreaking advice,” toji says, deadpan. sukuna rolls his eyes. “look, just—give her something she likes. flowers, chocolates, whatever. don’t overthink it.”

“flowers? chocolates? what is this, a rom-com?” toji scoffs.

“then figure it out yourself,” sukuna snaps, already turning to leave. “i’ve got better things to do.”

“like what?”

“none of your business.” sukuna snaps, already regretting every second of this interaction.

this is the point where toji is wailing, absolutely wailing, and it’s honestly one of the worst things sukuna’s had to witness, and he once saw yuuji eat spaghetti with his hands. 

“you don’t get it, sukuna!” toji cries, pacing back and forth. “if i don’t get fushiguro—mamaguro, the love of my life—i’ll look like a fool for calling myself toji fushiguro all year! do you know how many people think we’re already married? do you understand the pressure?”

“no,” sukuna deadpans, crossing his arms. “because i’m not insane.”

“this is a matter of marriage or death,” toji insists, dramatic as ever. “marriage! or! death!”

shiu, leaning against the bleachers, snickers. “it’s more like marriage or public humiliation, but yeah, sure, toji. go off.”

“shut up, shiu!” toji snaps. then, in the most embarrassing move yet, he turns back to sukuna, clutching his arm like he’s begging a god for salvation. “please, sukuna. please. i’ll do anything!”

sukuna yanks his arm back with a grimace. “don’t touch me.”

“i’ll pay you,” toji adds, desperate now. “how much do you want?” shiu, ever the opportunist, pulls out a wad of cash from his jacket. “i’ll double whatever you’re thinking.”

sukuna glares at him, then at the money, then back at toji, who’s practically vibrating with nerves. the sheer audacity of these people.

“what do you two think i am?” sukuna growls, stepping closer. “someone you can just buy?”

toji and shiu exchange a look.

“yes,” they say in unison.

“you’re not wrong,” sukuna mutters, snatching the cash out of shiu’s hand.

and that’s how sukuna finds himself storming into the art room, where fushiguro—lovingly dubbed mamaguro by the school fraternity, who is also the unknowing subject of toji’s unhinged obsession—is peacefully painting a landscape. 

“yo,” sukuna calls, making sure his voice sounds just gruff enough to make an impression. mamaguro looks up, confused but polite as ever. “oh, sukuna. what brings you here?”

“uh…” sukuna falters for half a second. then, remembering the script toji forced on him, he clears his throat. “your art sucks.”

mamaguro blinks at him. “excuse me?”

“you heard me,” sukuna says, louder this time. “these clouds? they look like—like… mashed potatoes!”

“mashed potatoes?” she repeats, her tone teetering between disbelief and amusement.

“yeah! and this—this tree? it’s—it’s… ugly!”

he’s running out of insults fast, but thankfully, he doesn’t have to keep going because, right on cue, toji bursts into the room like a man possessed.

“stop right there, sukuna!” toji yells, pointing dramatically.

sukuna rolls his eyes so hard he nearly pulls something.

“how dare you insult her art?” toji continues, marching forward. “you know nothing of the beauty and grace she pours into every stroke of her brush! apologize to her, right now!”

sukuna glances at mamaguro, who’s now staring at toji like he’s grown a second head.

“um…” she starts, clearly confused.

“and not only that,” toji adds, dropping to one knee, “i, toji fushig– i mean, zenin, would be honored if you would accompany me to prom!”

the silence that follows is deafening.

“…what?” mamaguro says, her voice a mix of shock and secondhand embarrassment.

“say yes, please,” toji begs, still on his knee.

sukuna takes this as his cue to leave before his brain cells start dying en masse. as he walks out, he hears a mixture of toji’s frantic pleading, mamaguro’s incredulous laughter, and shiu’s obnoxious whooping from the hallway. “cringe,” sukuna mutters to himself, shoving his hands into his pockets. on the way out, he snatches the rest of the wad of cash from shiu’s hand. the guy doesn’t even protest; he’s too busy recording the whole disaster on his phone.

normally, sukuna would use this cash for something like a new vape or a pack of cigarettes. but now? now he’s a man with a mission. he’s going to use this money for your promposal.

assuming he can think of something. preferably something that doesn’t involve dollar bill bouquets or public humiliation.

as sukuna storms off the art room steps, he’s already thinking of how he could possibly top the circus act he just witnessed. whatever he comes up with has to be cool, low-key, and—most importantly—not the type of thing that makes people point and say, "look at ryomen sukuna doing that." because if there’s one thing sukuna won’t tolerate, it’s losing to toji zenin in a battle of charm.

he stuffs the cash into his pocket, muttering to himself, “this better be worth it.” and by "this," he means putting up with high school drama, helping idiots like toji, and figuring out the best way to ask you to prom without looking like a total sap.

little does he know, shiu is already uploading the footage of toji’s “promposal” disaster onto his burner account with the caption: “zenin family downfall: live footage.” 

and in the back of his mind, sukuna knows one thing for sure—he needs to act fast. whatever he does has to blow everyone away, especially you.

—

sukuna leans against the wall outside the school gates, trying to look as nonchalant as humanly possible despite the fact that his brain is doing cartwheels. his day’s been an absolute dumpster fire—between toji’s soap opera, shiu’s cryptic smirks, and some freshman mistaking him for a guidance counselor (how? how does that even happen?), he’s just about had it. and then, like the climax of one of those rom-coms you force him to watch, you step out of the school building. sukuna swears he hears a choir of angels, some harp strings, and maybe even sees a glowing halo over your head.

but of course, he’s ryomen sukuna, and he’s supposed to be the "bad boy." so instead of saying something poetic like, “you’re the light of my life,” he settles on:

“what the hell took you so long?”

your indignant pout hits him like a sucker punch, and he immediately regrets his choice of words. “excuse me, mister,” you huff, hands on your hips. “i was finishing my community service hours.”

“community service?” sukuna raises a brow. “what’d you do this time? steal a library book? jaywalk?”

you roll your eyes. “not everyone’s a delinquent like you, ‘kuna. i was helping clean up the school garden.”

“right. of course you were.” sukuna mutters, trying to ignore the sharp contrast between the two of you. while you’re out here being a model student with a résumé the size of a textbook, sukuna’s résumé might as well just say “can punch really hard.”

you don’t notice his inner turmoil as you launch into your usual spiel about your packed schedule. “so after that, i had drama club practice, then i’m helping with the fundraiser for the library, and then i have to—”

sukuna zones out for a second, overwhelmed by the sheer productivity radiating off of you. jesus, she’s a walking linkedin profile, he thinks, mentally comparing your extracurriculars to his…well, lack thereof. unless fistfights, bad decisions, and looking hot in leather count as extracurriculars.

“—and next week i’m presenting at the school board meeting!” you finish, beaming.

“you know, some of us don’t have time to kiss ass,” sukuna mutters under his breath, though there’s no malice in it.

“what was that?”

“nothing,” he says quickly, reaching out to grab your hand before he can think too much about it. he gives it a small squeeze, hoping it’ll shut up the voice in his head that’s been nagging him all day. you glance down at your intertwined hands, your expression softening. “you okay?”

“yeah, fine,” sukuna lies, looking away so you don’t catch the slight pink tint creeping up his ears. you let it slide, leaning closer as you walk beside him. “you know, you don’t have to wait for me every day.”

“and let some idiot try to ask you out while i’m not around? yeah, right.”

you laugh, and sukuna feels his chest loosen a little.

“you’re silly,” you say, swinging his hand a little as you walk.

“and you’re too good for me,” sukuna blurts out before he can stop himself. 

you stop in your tracks, blinking up at him. “what?”

“uh—nothing,” he says quickly, his brain screaming at him to shut up. but you don’t let it go. you tighten your grip on his hand and give him a look so sincere it nearly floors him. “sukuna, i like you for you, okay? not for some résumé or checklist or whatever you’re overthinking right now.”

“who says i’m overthinking?”

“your face.”

sukuna scoffs, trying to mask the relief that washes over him. “yeah, well. you’re lucky i like you too.”

you grin, leaning up to kiss his cheek, and sukuna swears he hears those angel singing again. maybe you really are untouchable, he thinks. but then again, you’re holding his hand, choosing him out of everyone else. and maybe that’s what true love is—messy, imperfect, and way too good to be true.

—

sukuna stumbles into his room after the long, exhausting day. his feet drag on the floor as he sheds his jacket, but leaves his shoes on—he's too tired to even care about a single thing right now. his bed looks like a warzone, clothes scattered across the floor in what can only be described as a "i’m a badass" fashion, but anyone who’s seen it knows it’s just laziness masked as chaos.

one of his dumbass bandanas is hanging off the lamp, and his hello kitty nightlight still glows faintly by his desk, casting a strange aura around the room. a vape lies carelessly tossed beside his pillow, some loose change, and a stack of junk food wrappers. he’d never admit it, but there’s a half-open box of chocolate chip cookies on his nightstand because, surprise surprise, he bought it for you earlier but kept it for himself when you weren’t looking.

ryomen sukuna, ladies and gentlemen.

plopping down onto his bed, he lazily scrolls through his phone before flopping down, leaving the screen bright enough to nearly fry his eyes. as if the day wasn’t already overwhelming enough, now he’s doing something even dumber. he opens discord. 

and without thinking twice, sends a message to uraume, the e-friend he’s been talking to for months, mostly while they’ve been playing apex legends. he had no clue how this strange friendship even started, but honestly? uraume was sarcastic, annoying in a way that made him laugh, and didn’t take his “bad boy” persona too seriously. 

he leans back, staring at the ceiling for a few seconds, holding the vape in his mouth while scrolling mindlessly through tiktok videos, making mental notes about the stuff you liked—stuff like cheesy couple memes, random boyfriend-girlfriend skits, and, of course, the tiktok videos of couples doing those “promposals.” sighing dramatically, he sends the message to uraume.

kingofcursezz: yo kingofcursezz: how the hell do you ask someone to prom without making it cringey kingofcursezz: help me out bro kingofcursezz: i'm trying to avoid looking like an idiot

he exhales a puff of smoke, irritated with himself for even reaching out to uraume about this. this is beneath him. but the thought of you—and how you’re so sweet, how you deserve the best….

yeah... he can’t screw this up. not now, not after all the effort.

his phone pings with a reply, and sukuna, having put it off for a second, glances down at the screen:

starume666: LOL starume666: are you seriously asking me this?

kingofcursezz: if you don’t help istg i’ll show up with a bucket of chicken and a bouquet of dollar bills. that’s my backup plan so you better give me something good.

he pauses to let out a tired, humorless laugh as he wipes his face. god, he’s not gonna survive this.

starume666: lmaooooo starume666: dude you’re way too hard on yourself starume666: just do smth simple but meaningful  starume666: what’s the thing you know will make her smile?

kingofcursezz: uhhhhhhh kingofcursezz: how about not being a weirdo who doesn’t know what the fuck a promposal is?  kingofcursezz: i’ll be the guy in the background who just buys her flowers and does the bare minimum like some jock that’s been forced into this tradition 💀💀💀💀

starume666: yeah but you’re not a jock bro  starume666: you’re a bad boy 😹 so act like it starume666: maybe do something unexpected n go off-script.

kingofcursezz: i mean ig she’ll like it if i show up in a full suit kingofcursezz: but i don’t have a tux so kingofcursezz: 💀

starume666: i swear if you don’t do this right i’m flying to your school and putting a bucket of kfc on your doorstep starume666: figure out what she likes and then do that. just be honest dude.

kingofcursezz: okok fine kingofcursezz: i’ll show up and do smth kingofcursezz: if you could stop texting me like my mom, that’d be great.

starume666: [reacted 😹 to your message]

sukuna rolls his eyes as the conversation ends, staring at his phone for a long while. he can’t help but think about you and the fact that he might actually care enough to make this promposal thing work. he shakes his head and grins at the absurdity of it all. for you, though? he’ll do anything. even if it means figuring out how to pull off the world’s least embarrassing promposal.

with that, he flicks his vape one last time, sits up, and starts brainstorming—maybe a simple bouquet? or, wait—does she even like roses? the inner turmoil continues, but one thing's for sure: he’s committed to this, for you.

chapter three: flowers are expensive, but regret is worse

sukuna’s day is just one monotonous loop of chaos, like some cruelly predictable high school sitcom. the cycle starts as usual: he drags yuuji, still wailing about his half-finished power rangers episode, onto the bus. the kid still begs for face tattoos, and sukuna swears he’s about to lose his mind if yuuji brings it up again. after that, he waits for you by the school gates like some lovesick loser who’s too proud to admit it, walks you to class, and then spends the rest of his day dodging every cheesy, cringe-worthy promposal happening at every corner.

but today? today, he’s got a mission. because apparently, the hellscape of high school doesn’t just end at promposals. no, the school administration has to rub salt in the wound by charging $20 per ticket for prom. 

$20. per person.

“are they funding a space program or what?” sukuna mutters under his breath as he trudges toward the admin desk, a wad of cash in hand. the admin, of course, isn’t at the desk. instead, gojo satoru is standing there, grinning ear to ear, holding a stack of offensively pink prom tickets. sukuna stops dead in his tracks.

“you’ve gotta be kidding me,” sukuna grumbles, glaring at gojo. “good morning to you too, sunshine!” gojo chirps, twirling the tickets between his fingers like he’s actually enjoying this. “what are you doing here?” sukuna asks, shoving the cash across the desk with zero ceremony.

“volunteering,” gojo says, batting his lashes as if he’s some kind of saint. “community service, you know? unlike you, i’m giving back to the school.”

“you mean they forced you here after you nearly set the chem lab on fire last month,” sukuna deadpans. gojo gasps, clutching his chest dramatically. “how dare you? those were experiments! i’m a man of science, sukuna.”

“you’re a man of stupidity,” sukuna snaps, snatching the two tickets from gojo’s hand before he can start twirling them again. the pink nearly burns his eyes.

“aw, come on, don’t be like that,” gojo says, leaning over the desk like some smug cat. “you excited for prom? oh wait, let me guess. you’re one of those guys who’s too cool for prom, huh? you’re just going for your girlfriend’s sake, aren’t you? how adorable.” 

sukuna grits his teeth, refusing to give gojo the satisfaction of a response. instead, he grabs the clipboard to sign his name and yours, hastily scrawling the details. “oh, and while you’re at it,” gojo continues, leaning further into sukuna’s personal space, “you should totally sign up for prom king. i mean, look at you. tattoos, brooding face, bad-boy aura. the people would eat it up.”

sukuna freezes, pen hovering over the clipboard. “prom king? really?”

“absolutely!” gojo beams. “and hey, if you win, you’ll get to dance with your queen on stage in front of the whole school. talk about a moment, right?” sukuna scoffs but signs his name anyway. not because of gojo, of course. but because there’s no way in hell he’s letting some random idiot stand next to you on stage as prom king. 

gojo squints at the clipboard, noticing sukuna’s addition. “wait, you’re actually signing up? no way! oh my god, this is going to be epic. i can already see the headlines: ‘bad boy turned prom king—how sukuna stole the crown.’”

“shut up, gojo,” sukuna growls, shoving the clipboard back across the desk. “you got it, your majesty,” gojo smirks, giving a mock bow.

sukuna storms off, tickets in hand, muttering to himself about how much he hates this school. but deep down, he’s already imagining you as prom queen, standing beside him, both of you looking annoyingly perfect.

sukuna’s first instinct when he spots you walking toward him is to shove the glaringly pink prom tickets into his mouth and chew. problem solved. except, knowing his luck, you’d catch him mid-act, choke on the damn thing, and die right there in the middle of the hallway like some bad joke. 

so, instead, he opts for plan b: stuffing the tickets into his shirt. brilliant. considering you’re shorter than him and can’t reach his chest, it’s practically foolproof. he adjusts the tickets awkwardly under his jersey, patting them down like some suspicious drug mule as you get closer. totally suave. totally inconspicuous. 

“hey!” you chirp, completely oblivious to his internal crisis.“yo,” he grunts back, hands jammed into his pockets like they’ve been superglued there. 

you squint at him. “...you okay? you’re standing like you’re hiding a bomb or something.”

“nah, i’m good,” sukuna says quickly, shifting his weight like he suddenly forgot “how to human.”

you tilt your head, but thankfully don’t push it. instead, you start talking about your day—something about a community service meeting and a teacher who forgot their own syllabus—and sukuna does his best to nod and grunt in all the right places. but his mind? it’s running a marathon.

how the hell is he supposed to propose?

the obvious answer is to just...hand you the tickets. easy, straightforward, zero theatrics. you’d say yes, because of course you would—it’s not like you’ve been subtle about dropping hints that you wanted him to ask you. but then he remembers the look on your face every time you watch one of those elaborate promposal videos on tiktok. the way your eyes light up, how you gush about the effort people put in, how cute it is.

and that’s when it hits him like a brick to the face: this isn’t about proving a point to the rest of the school, or even about outdoing gojo’s obnoxious stunt with geto. it’s about you. about making you smile, giving you a moment you’d remember fondly for years. he’s gotta do it right. for you.

but how?

his brain is a war zone of terrible ideas:

buy a giant teddy bear and make it hold the tickets? nah, too cutesy.

write a message in the sky? too broke.

pretend to lose the tickets and ‘find’ them in front of you? too stupid.

he realizes, with a sinking feeling, that this is why he’s been spiraling. because this whole relationship thing? it’s uncharted territory for him. you’re his first relationship, his first everything, and the last thing he wants to do is screw it up.

goddamn it.

you’re still talking when he zones back in, noticing the way you’re looking up at him expectantly. “...so? what do you think?”

“uh,” he says, blinking. “yeah. sounds good.”

“sukuna, i just asked if i should shave my head for charity,” you deadpan.

he stares at you, caught red-handed. “...no?”

you roll your eyes, but you’re smiling, and he feels something in his chest unclench. for now, at least. he’s got until the end of the week to figure this out. totally doable. right?

wrong.

sukuna slumps onto the gym floor after basketball practice, sweat dripping off him like he’s just crawled out of a swamp. he grabs a water bottle, downs half of it, and tosses it aside like he’s starring in a gatorade commercial, all while muttering to himself, “this is a nightmare. i’m surrounded by idiots.”

“what’s the crisis this time, king sukuna?” naoya zenin drawls, leaning against the wall and doing absolutely nothing productive. the guy wouldn’t even break a sweat if his life depended on it, yet somehow he’s always the loudest voice in the room. “none of your business, zenin,” sukuna snaps, trying to ignore the fact that he even brought this up.

“aw, come on,” naoya smirks. “let me guess. girlfriend troubles? did she finally realize you’re all bark and no bite?”

sukuna shoots him a glare that could probably set someone on fire. “i’m trying to plan a prom-posal, dumbass.”

“oh, that’s why you look constipated,” toji pipes up from where he’s sprawled on the bleachers, looking like he’s auditioning for a mattress commercial. “need me to step in? i can bully her a little for you. worked like a charm with my mamaguro.”

“toji, shut the hell up before i make you swallow that smug look,” sukuna growls, though toji just chuckles, completely unfazed. “don’t listen to him,” nanami says, peeling off his sweatbands like he’s had it with everyone’s nonsense. “if you want a genuine suggestion, vogue says simplicity is key. a heartfelt speech, some flowers—”

“you’re reading vogue now?” geto interjects, raising an eyebrow.

“it was for a research paper,” nanami replies, deadpan. “and no, i will not elaborate.”

“you’re all useless,” sukuna groans, running a hand through his sweat-soaked hair. he turns to geto, the only one who hasn’t actively annoyed him yet. “what about you? you’re practically married to gojo at this point. what worked for you?” geto groans like he’s been asked to relive a traumatic experience. 

“please, don’t remind me. the guy brought kfc and roses made of dollar bills. do you know how many times i’ve had to explain to people that i didn’t say yes because of the chicken?”

“but you still said yes,” toji points out, grinning like the devil himself.

“because he threatened to throw himself into traffic if i didn’t!” geto snaps, throwing his towel at toji’s face. “what was i supposed to do, let him die in front of the school?”

“yes,” sukuna mutters under his breath, earning a snort from nanami.

“look, you’ve got this,” nanami says, attempting to be the voice of reason. “just think about what she’d like. something meaningful. and maybe, just maybe, don’t get advice from this crowd.”

“i hate all of you,” sukuna announces, standing up and grabbing his bag. “but especially you, toji. never speak to me again.”

“love you too, bro,” toji calls out as sukuna stomps out of the gym, muttering curses under his breath. he’s no closer to a plan, but at least he’s 100% sure of one thing—he’s never asking these idiots for help again.

—

sukuna drags himself into the house, tossing his bag onto the floor like it’s personally offended him. the sound echoes through the living room, but yuuji doesn’t even flinch. the kid’s sprawled out on the couch, a juice box in one hand and the tv remote in the other, utterly engrossed in mean girls. “the hell are you watching?” sukuna asks, toeing off his shoes.

“mean girls,” yuuji replies, eyes glued to the screen. “it’s ‘bout some mean girls, duh.”

“you’re seven, yuuji. why are you watching a movie about high school drama?”

“’cause i gotta get ready for high school. duh again.”

sukuna rolls his eyes but stops when he catches the prom scene on the screen. his brows furrow as he watches. could this help? nope. just people dancing and some heartfelt speech about how everyone’s a queen or whatever. useless. he groans and flops onto the armchair, rubbing his temples. out of pure desperation—and because his brain’s running on fumes—he asks, “hey, yuuji, how would you ask someone to prom?”

yuuji pauses the movie and turns to him with the seriousness of a kid about to give the most groundbreaking advice in the universe. “easy! dress like their favorite power ranger.”

“what.”

“and then you go, ‘will you go to prom with me? hiya!’” yuuji does a karate chop for emphasis, nearly spilling his juice. “and if they say no… boom! mass destruckshin.”

“mass what?”

“mass destruckshin!” yuuji repeats, puffing his chest like he’s just dropped the most foolproof plan of the century. “you gotta show them you mean business!” sukuna stares at his brother, wondering if it’s possible to feel both amused and like his life is spiraling out of control at the same time. 

“yeah, no. thanks for nothing, yuuji.”

“you’re welcome!” yuuji chirps, unpausing the movie. “don’t forget to do the hiya part!”

sukuna groans and leans back in the chair. he’s not about to karate chop his way into a promposal. that’s a one-way ticket to you dumping him on the spot. his mom would’ve been a better bet, but she’s probably halfway through her night shift by now—and even if she were here, she’d skip prom entirely and go straight to planning your wedding. he shudders at the thought. not because he doesn’t like the idea of marrying you—hell, the thought of you in a white dress has his brain short-circuiting—but because his mom would absolutely order a three-tier cake before you’d even said yes to a prom date. “get a grip, sukuna,” he mutters to himself, shaking his head. prom first, wedding later. priorities. 

yuuji, oblivious to his brother’s existential crisis, pipes up again. “hey, ‘kuna, if she says no, can i have your power ranger costume?”

“i’m not wearing a damn power ranger costume!” sukuna snaps, chucking a throw pillow at yuuji, who ducks with a laugh.

“okay, okay! fiinnnneee. but if you mess up, can i have your juice money?” sukuna glares at him. “shut up, yuuji.”

“love you too!” yuuji sing-songs, turning back to mean girls like nothing happened. and sukuna? he’s mentally preparing himself for what feels like the most important mission of his entire high school life.

—

sukuna woke up with the enthusiasm of a cat being dragged to a bath. it was the weekend—not the artist, fortunately, but the actual day—and the irony of hearing the weeknd's "reminder" on loop in his brain from all those tiktok promposals wasn’t lost on him. tiktok really had a way of making everything worse, didn’t it? he groaned, rubbing his face as he sat up in bed, his hair a complete mess and his shirt wrinkled from falling asleep in it.

“alright, flowers,” he muttered, standing and grabbing a hoodie off the floor. it was one of those old, oversized ones with some random logo he’d stolen from his cousin choso. paired with his basketball shorts and beat-up sneakers, sukuna looked like he was ready to run errands or rob a gas station—either worked.

the neighborhood was its usual weekend self—kids playing, dogs barking, and aunties gossiping by gates like it was their full-time job. sukuna stuck out like a sore thumb as he wandered from florist to florist, hands shoved into his hoodie pocket, trying not to look like he was about to hold the place up.

his first stop was a quaint little flower shop with pastel walls and a ridiculously cheery name: bloom haven. sukuna stepped inside, immediately overwhelmed by the overpowering scent of roses and lilies. “good morning!” the florist, a middle-aged woman with a bright smile and an apron covered in flower prints, greeted him. “how can i help you today?”

“uhhh… bouquet?” sukuna said, voice low like he was ashamed to be seen in public buying flowers.

“wonderful! who’s the lucky someone?” she asked, practically sparkling with excitement. “just… someone,” he grumbled, glancing at a bucket of roses. “how much for these?”

“oh, roses are $5 per stem!” she chirped.

sukuna’s brain screeched to a halt. “five bucks? for one flower?”

“they’re premium quality!” she said, as if that justified daylight robbery.

“yeah, premium my ass,” he muttered under his breath, leaving the shop before she could try to sell him anything else.

the next place wasn’t much better. a hipster-owned flower truck parked near a cafe, blasting indie music and decorated with fairy lights. the owner had a man bun and greeted him with, “peace and petals, brother.”

sukuna hated him immediately.

“you got bouquets?” sukuna asked flatly.

“absolutely, bro. we handcraft our arrangements using sustainably sourced—”

“how much?” sukuna interrupted.

“oh, a bouquet starts at $45,” the guy said, like that wasn’t insane.

“forty-five?” sukuna’s voice cracked. “for flowers?”

“yeah, but they come with vibes,” man bun said, gesturing to the arrangements like they were ancient artifacts. sukuna turned on his heel and walked away, muttering, “i’ll give you vibes, idiot.”

by the time he’d hit his fourth florist, his mood was sourer than expired milk. flowers were so stupidly expensive. why did people even like them? they just died after a week. he considered the idea of pulling a tree out of the ground—free, big, dramatic. totally memorable. but then he imagined you looking at him like he’d lost his mind and immediately scrapped the plan.

“what are you even doing, sukuna?” he mumbled to himself, stopping on a street corner to rub his temples. the hoodie wasn’t doing much to hide him from people who were now giving him concerned looks as he stood there, muttering like a lunatic. eventually, he caved and called the only person who might understand his suffering: geto.

“yo,” geto answered, his voice muffled. “what’s up?”

“how the hell do people afford flowers?” sukuna barked into the phone.

“uh, normal people have jobs?” geto replied.

“i have a job,” sukuna snapped. “it’s called surviving high school and taking care of yuuji. do you know how much that little monster eats?”

“okay, calm down,” geto said, laughing. “why are you even buying flowers? is this for her?”

“obviously,” sukuna muttered, lowering his voice like the trees might overhear. “just go to the supermarket,” geto said. “grab some from there. they’re cheaper.”

“supermarket flowers?” sukuna sneered.

“they’re not bad,” geto said. “it’s the thought that counts, right? plus, you’re gonna make up for it with the rest of the promposal, right?”

“...yeah,” sukuna lied, glancing at his empty hands and feeling like the world’s biggest idiot. “good luck,” geto said, clearly trying not to laugh.

“shut up,” sukuna muttered, hanging up and sighing. supermarket it was, then. hopefully, you wouldn’t mind flowers that came with a discount sticker.

on his way to the supermarket, sukuna didn’t plan to get distracted. but there it was—a tuxedo shop with mannequins that practically mocked him, standing tall in their fitted suits. he told himself he’d just peek. just a look. but somehow, sukuna was inside, staring at a rack of tuxedos, his hoodie feeling embarrassingly out of place in the crisp, polished environment. he ran a hand through his hair, eyes landing on a sleek black tuxedo with satin lapels. it was classic, clean, and exactly the kind of thing you’d probably love seeing him in. just try it on. what’s the worst that could happen?

five minutes later, sukuna was glaring at his reflection in the mirror, fumbling with a tie that refused to cooperate. “stupid, overcomplicated—” he grunted, yanking at it so hard he nearly choked himself.

“you’re gonna kill yourself before prom, kid.”

sukuna turned to see a short, older man with a grumpy face and an air of authority that reminded him of a drill sergeant. the man—wasuke, according to his name tag—walked over and snatched the tie out of sukuna’s hands.

“stand still,” wasuke barked.

“i’m not a kid,” sukuna muttered, but he stood still anyway, letting wasuke adjust the tie with the precision of a man who had probably done this a thousand times. “you’re fidgety. just like i was before my prom,” wasuke said, his gruff tone softening slightly. “you nervous about asking someone?”

“...something like that,” sukuna admitted. wasuke grunted, finishing the tie and stepping back. “i was nervous too. didn’t think she’d say yes. but she did.”

“yeah? how’d you ask her?” sukuna asked, genuinely curious despite himself.

“showed up at her house with a dozen carnations, a guitar, and no plan,” wasuke said, chuckling. “played the worst version of wonderwall you’ve ever heard. still don’t know why she said yes, but she did. forty years later, she’s still here.”

sukuna blinked, caught off guard by the sudden sincerity. for a moment, he imagined himself and you forty years from now. he hated how much he liked the thought. “cool story, old man,” sukuna said, brushing it off.

“you’ll figure it out,” wasuke said, patting him on the shoulder. “just don’t overthink it. and maybe don’t strangle yourself with the tie.”

with that, wasuke waddled off, leaving sukuna to face the mirror again. the tux fit perfectly, hugging his broad shoulders and tapering at the waist. the black-on-black look was sharp, especially with the skinny tie wasuke had wrestled into place. he looked...good.

too good, apparently, because he did the dumbest thing imaginable: he pulled out his phone and snapped a mirror selfie. “what am i even doing?” he muttered, staring at the photo. it was too late to stop himself, though—his thumb hit send before his brain could catch up.

the text went to you.

you.

“shit,” sukuna hissed, panic gripping him as he watched the message deliver. seconds later, your name flashed on his screen. video call. “hey!” your voice came through immediately, bright and excited. “are you trying on a tux? lemme see!” sukuna groaned, holding the phone at arm’s length so you could see the tux. “don’t freak out,” he muttered.

“oh my god, you look so good!” you squealed, and sukuna swore he felt his soul leave his body. “is this for prom? are you finally gonna ask me?” 

his heart slammed against his ribs. “uh, no,” he said quickly. too quickly. 

and then, like the coward he was, he hit end call.

he stared at his reflection, his ears burning. “god damn it,” he muttered, yanking the tie loose. wasuke’s voice echoed in his head: you’ll figure it out. “yeah, right,” sukuna muttered, shoving his phone back into his pocket and heading for the fitting room. he wasn’t sure what was worse—your reaction, or his. probably his. definitely his.

—

a hello kitty phone charm dangled from your phone, clinking softly every time you tossed it onto the bed after furiously texting sukuna. you giggled like a maniac, clutching your phone with both hands as his unread replies piled up.

you: omg you’re SO HANDSOME, why didn’t you tell me sooner???!!! you: can’t believe you look THAT good, excuse me while i pass away you: also if you’re dressing like that for prom, consider me yours all over again </33

your fingers flew across the keyboard, unable to stop yourself. there was just something about seeing him all polished up that had you swooning, even if he couldn’t see your reaction. sukuna being flustered? rare. sukuna being flustered and looking that fine? a national treasure.

your room was the perfect mix of chaos and comfort, a little shrine to your personality. fairy lights twinkled around the edges of your room, casting a soft glow over the colorful mess that was your bed—a heap of throw pillows and the softest blanket you refused to part with since middle school. your laptop sat open in front of you, the screen glowing with pinterest boards full of prom dress inspo: sleek satin silhouettes, dreamy tulle gowns, and even some edgy alternatives, because why not keep your options open? stickers covered your laptop’s lid—mostly cute animals, a few doodles of your favorite characters, and a sneaky, ironic skull-and-rose design that reminded you of sukuna.

your room smelled faintly of vanilla candles, the remnants of last night’s study session still lingering in the air. posters of your favorite bands and a few anime characters covered the walls, some slightly crooked but perfectly placed in your eyes. your vanity table overflowed with skincare, hair clips, and makeup products, while a laundry basket overflowed in the corner—a battle you’d deal with later.

you rolled onto your back, phone still clutched in your hand as you refreshed sukuna’s chat. no reply yet. that was fine. you grinned, imagining him struggling to come up with something cool to say.

you: don’t tell me you’re too busy being HOT to reply now 🙂‍↕️😹 you: also hi ily bye 🤭

closing your chat for a moment, you leaned back against your pillows and stared at your laptop screen. prom dress inspo was serious business, and as much as you wanted to keep teasing sukuna, you couldn’t ignore the excitement bubbling in your chest. prom was coming, and with a boyfriend like sukuna, it was going to be perfect—even if he was probably sweating bullets over the whole promposal thing. let him sweat a little longer, you thought with a giggle, clicking on yet another gown that made your heart skip a beat.

chapter four: gossip girls and a guy who can’t communicate

the bathroom was dimly lit, the flickering bulb above one of the stalls doing nothing to make you feel any better. you hadn’t even been planning on overhearing the conversation when you snuck into the last stall, phone in hand, planning to scroll mindlessly through pinterest to distract yourself during the break. but then their voices carried in, sharp and intentional, like knives aimed straight for your heart.

"i mean, can you believe she hasn’t been asked yet?" yorozu’s saccharine tone dripped with malice, her voice echoing off the tiled walls. "like, it’s kind of embarrassing at this point. you’d think someone as clingy as her would’ve forced sukuna to do it by now." 

mei mei let out a low laugh, the kind that made your stomach twist. "maybe he’s just not into her like that. i mean, bad boys don’t exactly do promposals, do they? unless it’s for someone worth the effort."

"exactly," yorozu snickered. "like, if he really cared, she’d have already been bragging about it all over instagram. but nope. maybe he’s keeping his options open? can’t blame him." their laughter cut through the air, and you pressed your hand over your mouth, trying to steady your breathing. your chest felt tight, and for a moment, you thought you might actually cry. not here. not in front of them. not where they could hear.

from the sinks, shoko ieiri’s voice came sharp and cutting, a stark contrast to her usual laid-back drawl. "god, can you two shut up? it’s break, not your audition for mean girls 2."

"what’s your problem, ieiri?" yorozu snapped, but there was an edge to her voice—shoko wasn’t someone to mess with lightly. 

"my problem is your ugly-ass voices ruining my smoke break," shoko replied, exhaling a cloud of smoke with practiced indifference. "if sukuna hasn’t asked her yet, it’s probably because he’s not a performative little attention whore like, oh, i don’t know, you two."

mei mei sniffed. "whatever. we’re just saying what everyone’s thinking."

"yeah, everyone," yorozu added, her voice dripping with mock concern. "but hey, maybe sukuna will surprise her. or not."

their laughter followed them out the door, and the sound of it made your stomach churn. the bathroom felt unbearably quiet once they were gone, the only noise the faint hum of the fluorescent lights. you stayed in the stall for a moment longer, gripping your phone so tightly your knuckles turned white. their words circled in your head like vultures, each one pecking away at your confidence.

maybe he’s just not into you like that.

bad boys don’t exactly do promposals.

someone worth the effort.

your mind spun in spirals. was it true? sukuna had been acting distant lately—or was that just your imagination? he hadn’t replied to your texts about the tuxedo selfie, and now that you thought about it, what if it wasn’t meant for you? what if it was meant for someone else? maybe mei mei and yorozu were right. why would someone like sukuna—brooding, aloof, undeniably cool—want someone like you? you heard the stall door creak open, and shoko’s voice startled you out of your thoughts. 

"hey. you okay in there?"

you hesitated before opening the door, forcing a tight smile. "yeah, i’m fine."

shoko frowned, her cigarette dangling loosely between her fingers. she looked at you for a moment, as if debating whether to say something, before finally muttering, "those bitches don’t know what they’re talking about."

"it’s fine," you lied, brushing past her. your hands were trembling as you gripped the strap of your bag, and the lump in your throat made it hard to breathe. shoko didn’t stop you as you left, her awkward, apologetic smile lingering in your mind as you walked down the hall, head low, trying not to let the tears spill over.

is he really stringing you along?

does he even care?

two days until prom, and he hasn’t said a word.

the voices in your head were relentless, their whispers feeding your growing self-doubt. and for the first time in your relationship, you wondered if you’d been wrong about sukuna all along.

the day had dragged on forever, the weight of yorozu and mei mei's words pressing heavily on your shoulders. by the time school ended, you were so emotionally drained you couldn’t even think straight. but when sukuna pulled up on his bike, leaning casually against it with that stupidly handsome smirk of his, you plastered on your best smile, determined not to let him see how much you were spiraling. "hey, handsome," you chirped, sliding onto the back of his bike, your voice just a little too bright. "miss me?" 

he glanced back at you as he handed you the helmet, brow furrowed slightly. "you good? you sound... weird."

"weird? no way!" you forced a laugh, strapping the helmet on. "just, you know, long day. classes were boring. people were annoying. the usual."

sukuna didn’t look convinced, but he shrugged it off, revving the engine as you wrapped your arms around his waist. the ride home was silent, save for the growl of the bike and the occasional honk of a car passing by. usually, you’d chatter about everything and nothing, filling the air with your stories, your laughter, your plans. today, though, the words felt stuck in your throat, your mind too tangled in thoughts of prom and sukuna and you. when he stopped in front of your place, you hopped off and handed him the helmet, hesitating for a moment before blurting out, "can i ask you something?" his eyes narrowed slightly, his usual nonchalance giving way to something more guarded. "what’s up?" 

you took a deep breath, trying to steady your voice. "why haven’t you… you know… said anything about prom?" sukuna blinked, caught completely off guard. "huh? what d’ya mean?"

"i mean…" you trailed off, suddenly feeling stupid for even bringing it up. "it’s just… prom is in two days, and everyone else is, like, getting these cute proposals and stuff, and i thought maybe… maybe you’d—"

"oh, come on," he cut you off, his tone more defensive than he intended. "you know i’m not into all that cheesy shit. i’m not gojo or toji, running around making a scene." your heart sank at his words, and you tried to keep your voice steady. "it’s not about making a scene, sukuna. it’s about—"

"about what?" he snapped, rubbing the back of his neck. "you already know we’re going together, right? so what’s the big deal?" you stared at him, your chest tightening. "the big deal is… i just wanted to feel special, okay? like you care. but if that’s too much to ask, then—"

"you think i don’t care?" he interrupted, his voice rising slightly. "you think i’m just stringin’ you along or some shit? what kinda dumbass idea is that?" the tears you’d been holding back all day threatened to spill over, and you quickly looked away. "forget it. i shouldn’t have said anything."

"no, seriously, where’s this coming from?" he pressed, his frustration clear. "you’ve been acting off all day, and now you’re throwing this at me?"

"you’re impossible," you muttered, turning on your heel and walking towards your door.

"wait, hold up—" he started, but you didn’t stop, the lump in your throat making it impossible to respond. sukuna sat there on his bike, watching you walk away, his chest tightening in a way he didn’t know how to describe. he wanted to call after you, to explain that he was trying, that he wanted to give you something special, but the words just wouldn’t come out. instead, he clenched his fists, cursing himself under his breath. 

as you closed the door behind you, you leaned against it, tears streaming down your face. your thoughts were a chaotic mess. does he even care? am i being unreasonable? is this all in my head?

meanwhile, sukuna sat outside for a few moments longer, staring at your house with a sinking feeling in his stomach. he’d messed up, and he knew it. but how the hell was he supposed to fix it?

—

sukuna was lying on his bed, arms splayed out like he’d just been KO’d by life itself. staring at the ceiling, he let out a groan so deep it rattled his soul. it’s so over, he thought. this is it. the end. the fat lady’s singing. the curtain’s dropping. i’ve fumbled my way into boyfriend hell. his phone was propped up on his chest, the screen dimmed but still visible, waiting for the one thing that could bring him solace: a notification from you. no cute animal reel, no cheesy meme, no “omg this reminded me of you <3 :3” tag. nothing. nada. silence. sukuna stared at the unlit screen like it was actively mocking him.

so this is how it feels to die inside, he mused, scrolling aimlessly through tiktok, where every other post was either a cringy promposal or a “men ain’t shit” rant. great. he tossed his phone aside, facepalming hard enough to leave a red mark.

"bro, can you NOT," yuuji’s voice boomed through the thin wall, followed by the sound of something heavy slamming against it. "some of us are trying to get good sleep over here!" sukuna didn’t even flinch. "and some of us are trying to figure out why we’re the literal worst boyfriend on the planet, yuuji," he shouted back, voice muffled by his pillow.

there was a pause, and then yuuji called back, "sounds like a skill issue!"

yeah, thanks for the moral support, kid, sukuna thought bitterly, rolling onto his side and glaring at his phone like it held all the answers to his problems. should he text you? call you? grovel at your feet and beg for forgiveness? nah, too much. probably. "but what if it’s not too much," he muttered to himself, his overthinking spiraling like a tiktok rabbit hole. he grabbed his phone and opened your chat, fingers hovering over the keyboard. he started typing:

sukuna: "hey."

no, too casual. she’s probably still mad. delete.

sukuna: "sorry for being a dick earlier."

ugh, too vague. she deserves better than this half-assed apology. delete.

sukuna: "pls don’t leave me i’m stupid and i love you."

god, get a grip. delete.

he groaned again, tossing his phone across the bed and burying his face in his hands. he was spiraling, and not in the cute “omg i like her so much” way, but in the “my life is a flaming dumpster fire” way. the worst part? he couldn’t even properly apologize yet because the grand promposal he’d been planning wasn’t ready. and if he apologized now, you’d probably forgive him, but it’d ruin the big moment he was hoping to surprise you with. but what if waiting too long means she never forgives me at all?

“fuck,” he muttered to himself, staring at the ceiling again. “why is being in love so goddamn hard? people on tiktok make it look so easy. just dance, propose, and boom, happy ending. where’s my happy ending?”

from the other room, yuuji shouted, "SHUT UP, ROMEO!"

"eat shit, yuuji!" sukuna barked back, even though the kid was right.

god, he needed to get his act together before you realized you could do way better than him. but for now, he just laid there, shriveling up and dying like the dramatic dumbass he was, waiting for a miracle.

—

your room was a disaster zone: laptop open on your bed, your playlist stuck on “prom dress” by mxmtoon like it was 2019, your phone precariously balanced on a pile of mismatched socks, and tissues littered around like you were auditioning for a sad indie movie. the death metal hello kitty pajamas—thrifted with sukuna—clung to you like a bittersweet hug, the fabric somehow feeling heavier tonight. you weren’t about to cry over a boy. but also… you might cry over a boy. the duality of woman. and because emotional self-destruction is best paired with a sprinkle of pettiness, you grabbed your phone, snapped a cute selfie in said pajamas, and slapped a caption on it: “cozy nights >>>> everything else 💕”

posting it was an impulsive decision, but it was also calculated. you knew the power of a cute, casual post. it wasn’t technically aimed at sukuna, but you also weren’t about to sit here and pretend you didn’t want him to see it, to notice you, to maybe—just maybe—grovel a little in your DMs. the likes and comments started flooding in immediately because your socials were basically the hub for school tea and wholesome vibes.

mamaguro: our little fashionista!!! thrift QUEEN 😍

god bless that woman. she deserved the world.

shoko: (attached gif of a woman dramatically fainting on a chaise lounge)

classic shoko.

maki: ugh, if i thrifted this, mai would burn it out of spite. cute though. thumbs up. mai: shut up maki. also, not bad. 8/10. maki: don’t rate her outfit like it’s your stupid games, nerd. mai: cry about it.

sibling banter in your comments? worth it.

and then, of course, there was:

naoya zenin: so glad someone else noticed how good you look in pj’s 😏

you rolled your eyes so hard you saw another dimension. of course he had to slither in. you didn’t even bother giving it a pity like.

you refreshed the page once, twice, twenty times. still no sign of sukuna. no like, no comment, no DM. you threw yourself back onto the bed, groaning into your pillow like a banshee. was it really that hard to double-tap? and then, the spiraling started.

what if he didn’t like it?

what if he thought it was cringe?

what if he saw it and scrolled past, thinking about how much of a baby you are for posting this in the first place?

or worse — what if he thought it was for someone else? like naoya? 

ew.

you shook your head violently, trying to physically rattle the thoughts out. sukuna wasn’t that stupid. right? he had to know this was for him. but as the minutes ticked by, and the comments from your friends kept rolling in, the notification you wanted most stayed stubbornly absent.

boys are so stupid, you thought bitterly, scribbling “stupid sukuna and his stupid abs and his stupid everything” in your spiral-bound diary. it stayed locked away in your closet, expertly hidden in the event of an accidental snoop, because some things were too raw to share with the world. you hit play on “prom dress” for the 17th time that evening, feeling the lyrics a little too personally as you kept refreshing the post like a woman possessed. love, as it turns out, was truly exhausting.

—

sukuna had just slumped back in his chair, doom-scrolling tiktok and internally mourning the lack of a “girlfriend tagged you in a tiktok” notification, when your instagram post pinged onto his phone. for a solid five seconds, he froze. like a caveman discovering fire.

you looked ethereal. the death metal hello kitty pajamas, the soft glow of the fairy lights, the cozy chaos of your room in the background—sukuna didn’t even know how to process it. you looked like, uh, a… renaissance painting? yeah. except, sukuna was 98% sure he couldn’t spell renaissance if his life depended on it. 

r-e-n-a…sauce? god, no.

whatever.

like an idiot, his thumb hovered over the comment section for too long, his brain scrambling for something cool but romantic but not cringe but also boyfriend-worthy. and then, because he was absolutely useless under pressure, he panicked and commented:

sukuna: 🔥🔥🔥

the second he hit send, he let out the longest groan known to mankind, slapping his hand over his face. what the hell, sukuna? he might as well have sent a dm saying, “wyd ;)” for how basic that was. wasn’t he your boyfriend? he was supposed to be above fire emojis!

meanwhile, across town, your phone buzzed, and when you saw the notification, your entire soul ascended for half a second before crashing back down. fire emojis? that’s what he gave you?

your reaction was visceral. 

a gasp so loud it nearly knocked the fairy lights off your wall. your heart rate skyrocketed. every fiber of your being screamed, is this what my life has come to? my boyfriend thinks i’m fire-emoji-hot, not love-letter-hot? "oh my god, no," you muttered, pacing your room. this is it. the tiktoks didn’t work. i failed as a girlfriend. what’s next? marrying someone who comments ‘send bobs and vagene’ on my posts?

but before you could plan the ultimate self-roast in your diary, another notification came through. sukuna, clearly in full damage control mode, had added a second comment:

sukuna: my girl. 💪

you stopped mid-spiral, blinking at the screen. the simplicity of it. the possessive undertone. my girl. two words, and somehow your heart went from shriveled raisin to blooming flower.

back at sukuna’s place, he was staring at the new comment with narrowed eyes, second-guessing himself yet again. was that too much? was it cringey? what if she thinks it’s corny? what if she screenshots it and sends it to shoko, and they both roast me? what if—

and then, your like on his comment came through, followed by you pinning it under the post. sukuna let out a dramatic exhale, flopping back onto his bed. ah, love. exhausting, anxiety-inducing, and, somehow, totally worth it.

chapter five: when subtlety isn’t an option

dragging yourself onto campus that morning felt like a herculean effort. you were running on fumes and whatever scraps of serotonin sukuna’s ridiculously over-the-top goodnight message had left you. sure, it was sweet—ten whole lines about how he’d “reshape reality” for you or some nonsense—but was it an apology? was it a promposal? absolutely not. boys were a disease.

as soon as you stepped through the gates, gojo’s obnoxiously loud voice rang out, cutting through your existential crisis like a foghorn. “diva down!” he declared dramatically, clutching his chest like you’d personally betrayed him by showing up in less-than-perfect condition. before you could even muster a glare, geto’s hand shot out, smacking gojo square in the stomach. “read the room, satoru,” he said, shaking his head in disappointment. “ow!” gojo wheezed, doubling over. “i was just stating facts!”

you ignored their antics, trudging toward your locker, when the crackling intercom interrupted the usual morning chaos. nanami’s voice, as calm yet strained as ever, floated over the campus. “attention, students. all of you are required to assemble on the football field immediately. this is not a drill.” a murmur rippled through the halls. was it a fire drill? a surprise pep rally? something worse? you glanced around, half-hoping to see sukuna leaning against a wall with his usual “i don’t care about anything” face, but he was nowhere to be found.

“weird,” you muttered, joining the slow shuffle of students heading outside. on the field, clusters of confused teenagers were gathering under the bright morning sun. you scanned the crowd, squinting against the light. no sign of sukuna. where was that idiot? meanwhile, gojo and geto had caught up to you. “what do you think this is?” gojo asked, clearly already bored.

“hopefully not another motivational speaker,” geto muttered. “or a fire drill,” you added, your voice flat.

“whatever it is, it better be quick,” gojo whined. “my skincare routine does not involve standing in direct sunlight for this long.”

you rolled your eyes, turning your attention back to the crowd. something about this felt off. and you couldn’t shake the feeling that whatever was happening, it had something to do with sukuna.

the murmurs in the crowd were growing louder, restless. one of the jocks inhaled, clearly gearing up to yell something stupid—probably “this is so lame” or some other brilliant insight—when the jumbotron sparked to life with a loud buzz. everyone froze, heads snapping toward the giant screen.

there he was. 

sukuna. 

in a tuxedo.

he looked… disheveled, to say the least. his tie was slightly crooked, and his bloodshot eyes gave him the appearance of someone who hadn’t slept in years. or maybe ever. but the way he leaned back in a chair, dressed like a mob boss with the confidence to match, had the crowd whispering excitedly.

“oh my god, is this for real?”

“is he—he’s wearing a tux! is this, like, a movie?”

“is he single?” one girl whispered, earning a sharp glare from her friend.

you? you were just standing there, slack-jawed, because what was he doing?

on screen, sukuna let out a deep sigh, his voice lower and rougher than usual, probably from the late hour. “hey,” he started, glancing off-camera like he wasn’t sure how to say this. “so, uh. this is for… my girl.”

your heart stuttered.

“listen,” he continued, running a hand through his hair, “i know i’m the world’s worst boyfriend. like, bottom of the barrel. absolute trash. no one’s worse than me.”

“i mean, he’s not wrong,” gojo stage-whispered from behind you. geto smacked him again.

sukuna’s voice dropped even lower, making half the girls in the crowd swoon. “but i’m trying. and if i have to humiliate myself in front of the entire school to make it up to you, then so be it.”

your breath caught as the screen cut to black with a simple message: turn around.

you whipped around just in time to see sukuna—your sukuna—riding his motorbike onto the football field like he was in a damn action movie. the crowd gasped, screamed, and scattered as he skidded to a stop in the middle of the field, yuuji riding behind him, holding on for dear life. “this is better than coloring claaaasssss!” yuuji yelled, his little voice carrying across the field. in his tiny hands was a bouquet of… lego flowers? some of the pieces were dangerously close to falling off. behind them, sprinting full speed like his life depended on it, was choso, carrying an actual vintage boombox over his head. half the girls in the crowd were now screaming, but not for sukuna.

“who’s that?”

“he’s so hoott! does he go here?”

“you’re all so basic,” geto muttered under his breath.

as sukuna parked his bike, yuuji jumped off and ran toward you, yelling, “you hafta say yes! otherwise big bro will cause mass destrunkshun!” 

sukuna groaned, glaring at his little brother. “yuuji, shut up!” but yuuji ignored him, shoving the lego flowers into your hands. “here! they never die, just like big bro’s love for you!”

the crowd erupted in a mix of laughter and cheers as sukuna finally got off his bike and walked toward you, his face red but determined. “listen,” he said, loud enough for everyone to hear, “i know i’m an idiot, and i suck at this whole ‘romantic boyfriend’ thing. but i love you, and i want to take you to prom. so… will you be my date?”

you blinked, tears welling up as the boombox suddenly blared heart of glass by blondie. choso gave you a thumbs-up, still holding the boombox over his head like a champ. “say yes! say yes!” yuuji chanted, jumping up and down.

“oh my god, yes!” you finally shouted, throwing your arms around sukuna’s neck. the crowd roared, clapping and cheering as sukuna hugged you back, a relieved smile breaking across his face.

“finally,” gojo muttered. “that was so painful to watch.” but you didn’t care about the crowd, or the noise, or even yuuji yelling, “yay! no destrunkshun today!”

all you cared about was the way sukuna looked at you, like you were the only person in the world.

—

sukuna flopped dramatically onto your bed later that evening, still in his slightly wrinkled tuxedo from the ridiculous escapade earlier, his head hitting the pillow with a soft thump. “do you even understand what i went through to pull that off?” he groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes. “i might as well retire. i’m too old for this.” you snorted, sitting cross-legged on the floor, your gaze flicking to the lego flower bouquet proudly perched on your desk. “you’re eighteen, sukuna. relax.”

“eighteen with back pain,” he muttered, shifting to look at you. “and a vendetta against a certain flower set. do you know how many pieces are in that thing?”

“clearly, enough to drive you insane,” you teased, reaching over to nudge his shin. “so… tell me how it all went down. i need to know what mastermind put this together.”

he rolled onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow with an exaggerated sigh. “fine. but just know that i better get some kind of boyfriend-of-the-year award for this.”

“you’ll get a sticker. now spill.”

“okay, first of all,” he started, counting off on his fingers, “i had to beg nanami to bend the rules. i was like, ‘listen, dude, just one announcement. i swear i won’t get detention for the rest of the year.’”

“and he believed that?” you raised an eyebrow, skeptical.

“well…” sukuna grinned sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. “i might’ve also thrown in a promise to help him clean the chem lab after school for a month. he was this close to saying no, though.” you laughed, imagining nanami’s face at sukuna’s desperate pleas. “sounds about right. and choso?”

“ah, choso,” sukuna said dramatically, pressing a hand to his chest like he was reciting a shakespearean monologue. “the real goat. he flew in from across the state—i’m talking dead of the night—to bring me that stupid lego flower set.”

“you made him travel for legos?” you gasped, barely holding back laughter.

“hey, it was symbolic!” he defended, pointing a finger at you. “and he didn’t just deliver it; he stayed up with me all night building it. i thought we were gonna lose a piece at one point, and let me tell you, i almost cried.” you couldn’t stop giggling at the image of sukuna and choso frantically building lego flowers in the middle of the night. “okay, okay. what about yuu?”

“oh, he was the easiest to convince,” sukuna said, smirking. “i just told him, ‘power rangers need good deeds on their resume, like helping their big bro.’ he was all in after that.”

“of course he was,” you muttered fondly, shaking your head.

“so, there you have it,” sukuna finished, stretching out on your bed with a satisfied sigh. “a night of blood, sweat, and legos. all for you, baby.” you smiled, leaning back against the edge of your bed. “you’re ridiculous, you know that?”

“yeah, but you love me,” he shot back, his tone smug.

“unfortunately,” you teased, though your cheeks warmed at his words. there was a brief silence before you hesitated, biting your lip. “sukuna?”

“hm?” he hummed, eyes half-closed.

“mei mei and yorozu said some stuff yesterday. about you and… us.”

his eyes snapped open, narrowing. “what kinda stuff?”

you shrugged, trying to play it off, but he wasn’t having it. “they said you were stringing me along. that you’d never—”

“oh, hell no,” he growled, sitting up so fast he almost hit his head on your fairy lights. “i’m gonna—”

“no, you’re not,” you interrupted, grabbing his arm before he could launch himself off the bed. “we don’t beat people up, remember?” he grumbled under his breath, clearly displeased. “fine. but if they say one more thing—”

“they won’t,” you said firmly, giving him a look. “because we’re gonna ignore them and enjoy our nap instead.” sukuna sighed, flopping back onto the bed with a resigned groan. “you’re lucky you’re cute,” he muttered, tugging you down beside him.

“and you’re lucky i put up with you,” you shot back, settling into the warm space next to him.

the two of you lay there under the glow of your fairy lights, the faint scent of your vanilla candle filling the room. the lego flower bouquet sat proudly on your desk, a quiet reminder of sukuna’s chaotic but heartfelt effort. as you drifted off, you couldn’t help but smile. love with sukuna was messy, dramatic, and over the top—but it was yours.

you tried. you really tried to fall asleep. but how could you, when sukuna had casually dropped an “i love you” like it was just any other sentence? sure, he said it before when he asked you to prom, but that was in the middle of a chaotic proposal involving legos and yuuji screaming about power rangers. this? this was casual. this was deliberate. this was real.

your brain spiraled faster than your pinterest boards during finals week. did he mean it? like, really mean it? was it a slip-up? does he just throw around the word “love” like that? you stiffened in his arms, your body going ramrod straight like a ruler, and sukuna, ever the perceptive one (at least when it comes to you), noticed immediately. “you good?” he mumbled, voice groggy as he cracked one eye open.

you didn’t respond right away, too busy drowning in your thoughts. was this what all those romance novels meant by ‘confessions catching you off guard’? but this wasn’t a confession, was it? or was it?

“hey,” sukuna nudged you lightly, his brows furrowing. “you’re acting weird. what’s up?”

you sat up suddenly, twisting to face him, your fairy lights casting a soft glow on his confused expression. “you… you said you loved me.”

his eyes widened slightly, and for the first time in… well, ever, sukuna looked genuinely nervous. “uh… yeah? i mean, yeah. i did. i do. why?”

“you do?” you pressed, your voice rising slightly. you couldn’t help it; the man was notoriously bad at expressing his feelings, and now he was just casually confirming his love for you like it was no big deal? “uh, yeah?” sukuna scratched the back of his neck, suddenly very interested in the corner of your ceiling. “i mean… why else would i do all this crap? the flowers, the tux, the boombox…”

“so you’re saying you really love me? like, love-love me?” you clarified, your hands now gesturing wildly because, of course, this needed to be crystal clear. at this point, sukuna’s face was turning an alarming shade of pink—like, my melody type pink, and you could practically see the steam coming out of his ears. “yes, okay? i love you. love-love you. happy?”

you blinked at him, your heart doing that annoying fluttery thing it always did when he looked at you like that, all flustered and frustrated but undeniably sincere.

“wait, why are you smiling?” he groaned, covering his face with his hands. “this is so embarrassing. i knew i should’ve just—”

you didn’t let him finish, leaning forward to kiss him, your lips cutting off whatever self-deprecating nonsense he was about to spew. when you pulled back, his ears were now as red as his eyes, and he stared at you like you’d just stolen his soul. “i’m smiling,” you said softly, “because i love you too, dumbass. and because i think it’s cute when you get all flustered.”

“cute?” he repeated, deadpan. “did you just call me cute?”

“yep,” you chirped, lying back down and snuggling into his chest. “get used to it, my melody.”

sukuna groaned dramatically, throwing an arm over his eyes, but you could feel the way his heartbeat quickened under your cheek. and as he tightened his hold around you, mumbling something about how you better not tell anyone about this, you smiled to yourself. maybe you wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon, but at least now, you’d be lying awake with a warm, fuzzy feeling instead of overthinking yourself into oblivion. love-love really was something else.

chapter six: the painting, the prom, and the prince

the evening of prom was finally here, and sukuna rolled up to your house looking, dare he say it, hot. okay, maybe he wouldn’t say it out loud, but judging by the double-take you gave him when he stepped off his bike in that sharp tux, it was safe to assume you thought so too.

and then you walked out.

he swore his brain short-circuited. he’d seen you in a hundred different outfits, every single one somehow better than the last, but this? this wasn’t just a dress. this was art. 

“you…you look…” he stammered, his usual cocky bravado completely out the window. “uh…you look like…you know…like…a renaissance painting or something.”

you blinked at him, clearly amused. “a renaissance painting?”

“yeah,” he muttered, scratching the back of his neck, clearly regretting his life choices. “you know, like, those really fancy ones. with, uh, good lighting.” you bit back a laugh. “i’ll take that as a compliment.”

“you should,” he grumbled, averting his eyes because looking at you too long felt like staring into the sun. “you look perfect.”

as the two of you got on his bike and headed to prom, sukuna felt like he was riding on air. that was, until you turned to him halfway there and asked, “so, do you have the tickets?”

oh, shit.

his mind raced as he remembered exactly where those tickets were: stuffed into his t-shirt so you wouldn’t find them during his promposal planning. and then, last night, in a frenzy of cleaning and trying to look cool, he’d tossed the shirt into the laundry. “uhhh…” he stalled, trying to come up with a lie, but your raised eyebrow told him you weren’t buying it.

“‘kuna,” you said, already exasperated. “please don’t tell me—”

“okay, okay, maybe i left them in the washing machine,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. you groaned, but to his surprise, you didn’t seem mad. instead, you reached into your purse and pulled out two tickets. “lucky for you, i bought these ages ago,” you said, smirking.

“wait, what?” he blinked, genuinely stunned.

“what? i wasn’t about to risk you being unprepared,” you teased.

“okay, wow, first of all, rude,” he said, though he couldn’t help but grin. “second of all, you’re amazing. third of all…can we pretend this didn’t happen?”

“not a chance,” you replied, laughing.

fast forward to the gym, where the school had, of course, gone full cliché with the decorations: fairy lights, balloons, and a weirdly overused “enchanted evening” banner that looked like it had been recycled from at least three other events. but none of that mattered when you spotted yuuji and choso standing near the punch table. well, you saw them. sukuna, on the other hand, saw chaos.

“why the hell is yuuji here?” sukuna hissed, his hands already on his temples. “don’t ask me,” you said, equally baffled. “how does a seven-year-old even get in here?”

“puppy eyes,” sukuna muttered, his voice dripping with disdain.

sure enough, yuuji was grinning ear-to-ear, his hair plastered to his head in spikes from what must have been an entire bottle of power ranger-branded gel. “big bro! you made it!” yuuji shouted, running up and practically tackling sukuna in a hug. “yuuji,” sukuna groaned, prying the kid off him. “what are you doing here?”

“helping!” yuuji declared proudly. “plus, i used your tickets!”

sukuna’s jaw dropped. “what?”

“he’s surprisingly resourceful for a kid,” choso muttered, clearly wanting to be anywhere but here as he adjusted his tie. “next time, don’t leave important things lying around.”

“you’ve got to be kidding me,” sukuna grumbled, running a hand down his face.

meanwhile, you were barely holding back laughter, especially when you noticed the cluster of girls gawking at choso from across the room. “looks like choso’s got some fans,” you whispered, nudging sukuna.

“yeah, well, they can have him,” sukuna muttered. “i’ve got everything i need right here.”

and just like that, the stress melted away, replaced by that smug, confident grin you loved so much. prom was a mess, but it was your mess. and honestly? you wouldn’t trade it for the world.

—

the night was winding down, and with prom nearing its end, you and sukuna made your way toward the photobooth. sukuna had his arm slung over your shoulder, and you leaned into him, already envisioning how cute your pictures would turn out. but, of course, peace was short-lived.

“oh, look who it is,” came mei mei’s unmistakably smug voice.

you stiffened, turning toward her and yorozu, who stood there with their arms crossed, both looking like they had nothing better to do than spread bitchiness. “figures you’d show up,” yorozu sneered. “thought you’d be too busy fixing your ‘perfect relationship.’”

“is this where you get your weekly drama fix?” sukuna drawled, his voice low and sharp. he glanced between the two with a look that could’ve cut glass. “or did you just run out of things to do since no one wanted to take you?” mei mei opened her mouth to retort, but before she could get a word out, sukuna bent down and scooped you up bridal style.

“sukuna!” you yelped, clinging to him in shock.

“don’t waste your energy on people like them,” he said simply, striding past the two women without so much as a second glance.

“you can’t just—hey!” mei mei called after him, but sukuna didn’t bother stopping. yorozu muttered something under her breath, but even she knew better than to push it.

“you really didn’t have to do that,” you mumbled, though you couldn’t hide the warmth in your voice. “didn’t have to?” he scoffed. “like hell i’d let them talk to you like that.”

the line for the photobooth wasn’t long, and before you knew it, you were stepping inside with sukuna still holding you as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

“you’re not putting me down?” you asked, raising an eyebrow. “nah,” he said with a smirk. “you look too good tonight. gotta keep showing you off.”

you rolled your eyes, but your cheeks flushed all the same.

once inside the booth, sukuna finally set you down, pulling you close for the first set of pictures. the two of you posed like a typical couple at first, all smiles and laughs. then sukuna decided to make things interesting by pulling faces, sticking his tongue out in one, and pretending to bite your shoulder in another.

“these are gonna look so stupid,” you laughed, pushing at his chest. “nah, they’re gonna be fire,” he said, grinning.

just as the final photo flashed, the curtain whipped open, and toji’s booming voice rang out.

“move over, lovebirds! we’re crashing this party.”

toji and mamaguro squeezed into the booth, nearly squashing you and sukuna against the wall.

“what the hell, toji?” sukuna groaned, glaring at the intrusion.

“what?” toji said innocently. “you think i’m missing out on free photobooth pics?”

“scoot over, lovelies,” mamaguro chimed in, pushing toji aside so she could squeeze into the frame.

“there’s no room!” you said, laughing as you were squished further into sukuna.

“there’s always room for one more,” came another voice, and before you could even register what was happening, gojo leapt into the booth, landing half on toji and half on sukuna.

“what the—get off me!” sukuna growled, shoving at gojo.

“smile, everyone!” geto called, popping his head into the frame at the last second.

the camera flashed, capturing the chaos in all its glory. by the time the prints came out, you were crying from laughter, holding onto sukuna to keep from doubling over.

“what a night,” you said, wiping tears from your eyes. “yeah,” sukuna said, his voice warm as he looked at you. “what a night.”

—

the picture on sukuna’s instagram was a beyonce level of iconic. the both of you stood side by side, wearing your prom king and queen sashes, though sukuna refused to actually wear his properly—it hung off his shoulder like he was in a fight club. you, however, looked perfect as always, your sash gleaming and your tiara slightly askew from all the dancing. sukuna was leaning just enough to rest his chin on your head (a “power move,” as he called it), and you were holding the bouquet of lego flowers proudly. the caption? equally sukuna.

prom king and queen, obv. any losers who’ve got something to say can take it up with me. she’s the queen, i’m the muscle. try us, idk 🤷‍♂️ also yeah, she's mine. no refunds.

within seconds of posting, the comments started flooding in.

gojo: the muscle? more like the court jester 💀

yorozu: lmao no one even voted for you two 💀💀💀

choso: solid pic 🔥 i’ll be charging for the lego flowers btw

mamaguro: MY BABIES LOOK AMAZING!!! 👑😭💕

toji: me and my girl did it better 😹

“yorozu really can’t keep my name out her mouth,” sukuna muttered, already cracking his knuckles. “ignore her, my king,” you teased, throwing a pillow at him from your desk chair.

your room was a warzone after the night’s chaos. your shoes were discarded near the bed like a crime scene, your fairy lights had a sad strand that had gone out mid-celebration, and your makeup wipes, bobby pins, and jewelry were strewn all over your vanity. you’d kicked off your sash somewhere in the mess, and your dress was neatly hanging off the edge of your chair because despite the chaos, you couldn’t risk ruining it. meanwhile, sukuna was lying sideways on your bed, scrolling through his phone like he owned the place, his tux jacket slung over the back of the chair you were sitting in.

“should we clean up?” you asked half-heartedly, already knowing the answer.

“nah,” he said, throwing his phone onto the bed. “it’s post-prom. chaos is mandatory.”

before you could argue, sukuna’s phone buzzed. he picked it up, squinting at the email notification, and then froze.

“what’s up?” you asked, turning to look at him.

he stared at the screen for a second before a grin slowly spread across his face. “i got in.”

“what?”

“sports scholarship,” he said, holding the phone up like it was a trophy. “same college as you.”

your jaw dropped, and then you were practically tackling him onto the bed, laughing and hugging him at the same time.

“we’re going to college together?” you asked, beaming.

“hell yeah, we are,” he said, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close. “best decision ever.”

and as the night wore on, with your messy room, tired limbs, and full hearts, you realized he was absolutely right.

epilogue

the morning sun cast a golden hue on your driveway, and there was a quiet buzz of excitement mixed with nervous energy as the taxi rolled up. your suitcases, meticulously packed with everything you thought you might need for college, sat neatly by the curb. sukuna, leaning against the taxi door, looked as relaxed as ever, though his towering frame and sharp features gave him an intimidating edge. “you ready?” he asked, a smirk tugging at his lips. he was holding your suitcase because, apparently, carrying your own bags was “not allowed” anymore.

“as ready as i’ll ever be,” you said, patting the strap of your carry-on bag nervously. the realization that you were actually leaving home was starting to hit.

“you’ve been glowing lately, by the way,” sukuna said casually, as if he hadn’t just paid you the highest compliment. “probably ‘cause you’re spending all your time with me.”

you rolled your eyes, though you couldn’t stop the small smile creeping onto your face. “it’s called a skincare routine, sukuna. maybe you should try one.”

before he could retort, a loud, familiar voice shattered the morning calm.

“WAIT! WAIT!”

both of you turned to see yuuji sprinting toward you, waving something in his hand like a man possessed. “YOU FORGOT THESE!”

you squinted, trying to make out what he was holding. as he got closer, it hit you: your prom queen sash and tiara. “oh my god,” you muttered, burying your face in your hands. “i knew i was forgetting something.”

yuuji skidded to a stop in front of you, panting heavily. “you’re welcome,” he wheezed, thrusting the items into your hands. “how could you forget these? you’re a queen!”

“thanks, yuuji,” you said, taking the sash and tiara from him and trying not to laugh at his dramatic delivery.

“don’t forget to wear it on your first day of college!” he added, grinning ear to ear. “yeah, sure,” you said, ruffling his hair. “and maybe i’ll wear a ball gown to class, too.”

“you’d still look better than half the people there,” sukuna chimed in, snatching the sash from your hand and draping it over your shoulder like he was crowning you all over again. “okay, that’s enough theatrics for now,” you said, adjusting the sash so it wouldn’t wrinkle. “we’ve got a flight to catch.”

yuuji’s face fell slightly, and he threw his arms around you in a sudden, tight hug. “i’m gonna miss you,” he mumbled into your shoulder.

“i’ll miss you too, yuuji,” you said, squeezing him back. “but we’ll visit, okay? and you better facetime me every week.” he nodded, pulling back and giving sukuna a pointed look. “you better take care of her, big bro.”

“always,” sukuna said without hesitation, ruffling yuuji’s hair in return. “and don’t eat all the snacks mom buys, okay?”

“no promises,” yuuji replied, grinning.

as you settled into the taxi and it pulled away from the driveway, you glanced back to see yuuji waving wildly until he was out of sight. you leaned back in your seat, holding the sash and tiara in your lap. “i can’t believe i almost forgot these,” you said, shaking your head.

“you packed a literal hello kitty lamp,” sukuna said, one eyebrow raised. “but not your prom queen stuff. priorities.” you laughed, swatting his arm. “the lamp’s for your dorm, thank you very much. i’m not letting you live in a depressing man cave.”

he smirked, but there was a softness in his eyes as he looked at you. “yeah, yeah. but hey, this is it, huh? college.”

you nodded, the weight of the moment finally settling in. “yeah. it’s the start of everything.”

“good thing we’re doing it together,” sukuna said, reaching over to take your hand.

and as the taxi sped toward the airport, you realized he was right. this was just the beginning—not just of college, but of a whole new chapter of your lives. and with sukuna by your side, you had a feeling it was going to be a damn good one.

thank you for sticking till the end <3 this was a drabble i decided to format into a full length fic because i recently came across my old prom photos and the nostalgia was very real. while i can safely say i did NOT have the ideal high school experience, i am deffo making my reader[s] have it 🙂‍↕️ if you'd like to find out what type of reader are you (based off of my fics), click on the quiz link here <3 thank u for reading !!

[suzukiblu]

I beg you desperately and with all the hope that makes a lump in my throat, may we please get some more Jason going home accidentally. My week is testing me aggressively and I'm tipsily seeking comfort.

I tried to write a bit of new content for this but tbh I did not have the spoons or the focus to manage it, so instead here's the whole current story-so-far all put together and all in order behind the cut here, since even the "chrono" tag for this story is not really all that chronological and I'm, like, eighty-five percent sure that there's gotta be at least a COUPLE excerpts in here that haven't gone up yet. If nothing else, I know there's some little bits and pieces I've added or adjusted in editing, and hopefully it'll be a satisfying read to get all in order and all together for . . . quite possibly the first time, yeah, hah.

Well, it's 16.5k, if nothing else, haha.

Sorry for the day or two's wait on getting back to you with this; hope your week's improved, friend.

.

.

Jason fucked up his suppressants somewhere in fucking Barbados, of all places, and by "fucked up" he means "lost in a firefight". 

So that was a problem, definitely. 

He'd had two days before it was going to be a serious problem, though, and a lot of bad guys to deal with before he could deal with said problem. But it would've been fine, if there hadn't been a local supply chain issue with omega suppressants. 

Or it would've been fine if he hadn't been with Roy and Kori at the time. If he hadn't been with two unfairly gorgeous alphas that he'd been relying on to watch his ass for months, who'd both saved his life and carried him out of the shit more than once; who'd both looked at him like he was a real and actual person, still, and had never once been disappointed in the kind of real and actual person that he really and actually was. 

Or maybe just if he hadn't known damn well just how fat both their knots were from Dick's goddamn locker room gossip when he'd been a fucking stupid and stupidly impressionable not-dead-yet teenager. 

Dick was a goddamn beta, the bastard. He shouldn't have even known how good Tamaranean knot supposedly was! That should not have been a thing! 

Jason, unfortunately, had been gifted with an absolute whore with absolutely no shame for a predecessor, and so had spent his accidentally suppressant-free time thinking far, far too much about Dick's goddamn dumbass war stories from his Titans days and exactly how many of them had ended with "and then Kori blew my fucking back out and it was the fucking shit". 

The bastard. 

So yeah, Jason had gone into a stress heat after two lousy missed doses of suppressants, because of fucking course he had! Of fucking course that was his fucking life! 

And of fucking course said stress heat had happened while he was laying low in a bare-bones safehouse with Roy and Kori and a California king and absolutely no other methods of distraction. 

Of course it had. 

.

.

.

"Do you require assistance, friend?" Kori asks, and Jason probably could answer her verbally, but instead he just very literally climbs her and refuses to get down until she promises to blow his fucking back out. And really, he only actually gets down at all because Roy is standing just slightly out of reach and Jason very, very desperately needs to get his mouth on him. 

Just–desperately. 

"Oh–both of us?" Roy manages, his face going bright red. 

"Both of you at once," Jason growls, and then tackles him to that damn California king. Kori is clearly delighted.

Jason is pretty damn delighted too, once he’s gotten both their knots in him. 

Dick had not been exaggerating the locker room talk. If anything, he'd undersold things. Roy was so fucking careful and thorough and Kori was so fucking confident and relentless and Jason was . . . Jason was . . . 

Actually Jason might be in love, maybe? It's possible that this is what being in love is. Like, as a thing. 

Or whatever. 

.

.

.

So Jason had spent a week getting fucked so good that even the pit hadn't had any complaints, and then it'd been back to business as usual for the next couple of months and he hadn't thought about it again outside of his personal time, and maybe once or twice when Roy or Kori had stepped in a little too close or made casual eye contact or just smiled at him like they were actual friends or something, the utter bastards. But otherwise, yeah, no. Business as usual. 

And some very vivid and imaginative new sex dreams and stupid romantic daydream fantasies not as usual. 

But again: whatever. That crap was Future Jason's problem. Current Jason is busy shoving alllll of that inconvenient emotional shit into a nice helpful repression box and just leaving it there to rot, and that’s just gonna be that. 

And no, he isn't reading romance novels again. Shut the fuck up, Roy. It’s Pride and Prejudice, not goddamn bored housewife smut. 

Admittedly, the bored housewife smut might've actually been less embarrassing than the romantic yearning, especially when Kori asks him what his new book’s about and Jason already knows that Roy knows it well enough that he'll be able to tell if he bullshits her, but whatever. 

Last time he watches that stupid A&E miniseries with the prick, no matter how damn good Colin Firth looks in a wet shirt. 

Ugh. 

.

.

.

"We need to talk," Roy says while standing in the middle of a kill floor with a trick arrow nocked and a stranger's blood all over his face. Jason wants to kiss him. Or kill him. Or maybe do both of those things at once? Maybe? But like–biohazards. "Like, about our feelings. Specifically the specific feelings that I am specifically having about the two of you and your specific feelings." 

"Oh!" Kori says with a bright smile as she lights up with both visible delight and destructive solar radiation. She is also very kiss/kill-able right now, Jason thinks, though the radiation thing could also be an issue. "Well, my specific feelings are that you and I should mate our lovely Jason at his earliest possible convenience and then consummate said mating under the stars. Repeatedly. I have refreshed my knowledge of the appropriate Earth customs, so do you think Lian would rather be the flower-bearer or the ring-girl?" 

"I'm going back to Gotham," Jason blurts in panicked self-defense. 

"Is that an invitation or an escape route?" Roy asks, raising an eyebrow at him. 

"I'm going back to Gotham right now," Jason says, which he understands is not an actual answer but is still not going to clarify any more than that. Then he flees the kill floor. He flees the kill floor very, very quickly.

Repression box time. 

.

.

.

So yeah, Jason ditches them both in Prague and heads back to Gotham the long way. He doesn't answer when Roy tries calling his burner, though he does text their very small group chat a vague confirmation that he isn't dead again yet a day or three later. Kori immediately sexts him in response, but he's pretty sure that she just still thinks that's how texting works. 

Look, he hasn't corrected the misassumption. 

Fuck, she is just unfairly attractive all the time, though, isn't she. And even more so when he's desperately trying to avoid her and also his emotions. 

Roy also sexts him, and is also unfairly attractive despite being who he is as a person. Then the two of them get distracted sexting each other instead, and Jason just lets himself pretend that they can't see his "read" receipts as he follows along. 

So he hadn't been all that subtle about how much of a turn-on it'd been the handful of times that they'd gone at each other during his heat despite both being alphas, okay? Sue him. Who the fuck could've been? Not fucking Dick, that's for fucking sure. 

Jason is pretty sure that he will never again see anything as mind-meltingly, panty-soakingly hot as the sight of Roy taking Kori's big fat knot in Jason's own damn heat nest and whining for it in his alpha voice while she so-sweetly told him what a good bitch he was being for her. Just–nope. No. Definitely not. 

Jason didn't even know alpha voices could whine like that. Like, he had not been any kind of aware that was an actual thing that an actual alpha voice could actually do. 

Also they were both a lot more flexible than he'd ever really let himself think about too much before. 

And had a lot more . . . endurance. 

So that'd all been very extremely destructive to his sanity, yeah. And his higher thought processes. 

And just his . . . everything, pretty much. Pretty much his everything, yeah.

.

.

.

Kori and Roy keep sexting the group chat with annoyingly helpful visual aids until Jason has to stop in a shitty motel just outside of Gotham and fuck himself stupid for a few hours, because they're the literal worst teammates in the literal entire world and he hates them both and also he wants both their stupid fucking knots in him right fucking now and Lian can be the flower-bearer and the ring-girl as far as he's concerned, he doesn't even care. 

Bastards. 

.

.

.

Jason catches up with the group chat, takes a very, very cold shower, and then drives the rest of the way towards Gotham. He does not check his phone even one more time, because knowing Roy and Kori he'd probably crash his fucking bike if he did. 

He doesn't think about any fucking romance novel bullshit either. 

It's weird that he misses them already, isn't it? He doesn't usually miss people this quick. At least, not these days. He's gotten too used to being stray for that. 

He's been a stray for so fucking long, it feels like, and he just . . . 

Fuck, he can't even remember the last time he had real packscent on him. Which, well–yeah, of course he can't. That would imply having a pack, wouldn't it. 

He thinks it was Alfred's scent, the last time. 

It must've been. 

He misses Alfred, too. 

Maybe he'll swing by the manor in a few days, once he's settled back into the swing of things in the city and he's shown his face in a few key places and made sure nobody's fucked too much with his territory while he was away. Maybe Alfred's missed him a little himself. Maybe the others won't mind him taking up a little bit of space in their space for an hour or two. Maybe Bruce will . . . 

Fuck, is he high or something? What, exactly, does Jason think Bruce is going to do if he sees him, besides say something shitty to him about how he handles his territory or lives his life or just whatever else? 

Maybe he'll drag his ass back to Ethiopia again. 

Yeah, that'd be a great time. Real fun for the whole family. 

Not that they're any kind of family anymore. 

Bruce doesn't want them to be. Doesn’t want a blooded killer or Crime Alley trash for one of his pack's omegas. Doesn't want to explain Jason being alive or help him establish a cover identity that they could somehow know each other through or publically claim him or do just . . . anything like that. Red Hood has a comm link that can connect to the Bat pack's devices and conditional access to their intel as long as he hasn't either killed anyone or freaked out on pit rage too recently and nothing else. 

He isn't family. 

He isn't pack. 

Hell, even when Jason had been pack to Bruce, it'd only been the two of them and Alfred and the occasional semi-grudging visit from Dick. Nothing like it is now, with more goddamn Bats than a belfry. Now there's Tim and Cass and Steph and Damian and . . . 

Jason knows perfectly well that there isn't a place for him in that pack, much less in the manor. There isn't even a place for him in the cave, unless some absolute asshole decides to count that bullshit memorial. 

Maybe he should tell Bruce how much he fucking hates that memorial, one of these days. Not like Bruce would care, but . . . just–maybe he should. 

One of these days. 

.

.

.

Jason is distracted, he thinks. Or not thinking, maybe? 

Or just very fucking stupid, maybe. 

There's literally no other reason he would've just driven his bike up the road to goddamn Wayne Manor first thing into Bristol. Which . . . whatever, he's not in Red Hood's gear right now, that's all packed away in his go-bag, but still. He knows better than to pull this kind of shit. 

He's not welcome at the manor. He doesn't deserve to be. Not after what he's done. What he's become. What he is. 

And even if he ever were welcome, he still wouldn't belong here. 

Jason wants so, so fucking badly for that not to be true. 

But it is true, of course. It's always been true. 

Always was true. 

Jason parks his bike outside the front gate and checks the group chat. Roy and Kori are–mostly–done sexting and are talking about flowers, the fucking weirdos. Like they'd even bother having a ceremony if they actually did get mated. Who'd even care? 

Not anyone on his side of the goddamn aisle, that's for fucking sure. And what, they're gonna invite Blackfire and Green Arrow? 

Yeah, no. Definitely not. 

Jason thinks about the absolutely ludicrous idea of texting his opinion on mating ceremony flowers to the chat, but doesn't. 

He feels . . . off, kind of. Restless. Nervous. Nauseous. 

Like fucking crying his fucking eyes out until he fucking dies. 

Again. 

He really misses Alfred. It's a little late–late enough that he's definitely missed dinner, but not really late enough to interfere with anyone's patrol schedule. He could just . . . duck in for a bit. Check in. See what the old man's been up to and catch up on the pack gossip like he actually deserves to know any of it. 

Maybe Alfred would let him sneak into the cookie jar like he always pretends he isn't gonna. 

Jason still remembers every single goddamn cookie recipe Alfred ever let him help him with back in the day, but somehow not a one of them has ever tasted the same as they do when he's sneaking them out of that stupidly fancy old cookie jar or off a cooling rack on one of Alfred's immaculate kitchen counters. Not even close. 

Jason really wants one of those cookies right now. And also Alfred. And also . . . 

And also he wants to be fifteen and afraid of absolutely nothing, with Bruce's pack bite on his neck and Robin's cape around his shoulders and the certainty of having a place, of being something, being someone, being . . . 

Belonging. 

Like he thinks he has the fucking right to, or something. 

He texts the group chat. 

i am the stupidest motherfucker alive or dead, he says. 

fuck u zomboy thats my crown n i will fight u 4 it, Roy says. 

are you well, loveliest? Kori asks, and thoughtfully includes a shot of her tits, which are as irritatingly resplendent as ever. Especially because her come is currently smeared all over them, but Jason's just gonna have to process that particular image a little bit later, when he's not having a weird emotional crisis in the manor driveway over fucking cookies. 

Though he saves the pic to come back to for said "later", obviously. He's having a crisis, yeah, but he's not an idiot. 

i want a cookie, he says. 

. . . like in a sexy way or in an emotional regression way?? Roy says. 

i fucking hate your new therapist

regression it is ok!! well u gotta b in gotham by now right?? go c ur man alfie n ask him 4 the hookup

go to hell and burn there

Roy sends him a dick pic in response, probably so Kori won't wonder why they aren't being as porny as usual and start to emulate them. Jason grudgingly saves it for later too and also fucking hates him. 

we can provide you with all the emotional regression cookies you wish, loveliest, Kori says, including a very nice shot of her half-blown knot that makes Jason's traitor of a mouth water. He glazes over briefly and really hopes Babs isn't creeping on the cell phone towers yet tonight. He's almost sure that wasn't actually meant to be a come-on, but . . . we would be most appreciative of the opportunity to satisfy your desires.

Never mind. Definitely a come-on. 

. . . almost definitely. 

It is Kory. 

Jason saves the new pic, obviously, and then sighs to himself. 

if you never see me again, it was possibly tim but probably damian who did me in, he types out resignedly. in which case, either fair or fair play

k but what if it was dick tho?? Roy asks. 

then i want you to burn down this whole fucking city in my fucking name, Jason says. 

it would be our honor, loveliest, Kori says hopefully not too sincerely. 

Then again, "burned down by a sexy alien on a vengeance bender" is a lot better of an end than Gotham really deserves at this point. And anyway, Jason's not gonna tell Kori how to live her life. 

He puts his burner away and looks up at the manor. The lights are on, obviously. It's getting dark, so why wouldn't they be? 

He still really wants that stupid cookie. 

Jason sighs again, then gets off his bike. He'll just go up and knock, and if no one's too busy to answer then he'll just . . . go in for a little while. That's all. He has a key, technically, but he's never fucking used it and he's never fucking going to, outside of maybe a possible life or death or global crisis-level emergency. 

This isn't his home. Not anymore. 

So yeah. He's not gonna use the damn key. 

Jason walks up to the door. It smells like Bruce has touched it. Not especially recently–not any more recently than this morning, at least–but still. It smells like Bruce has touched it. 

Which it obviously would. It always does. Bruce is the pack alpha, after all. He scents this door all the damn time. It's always smelled like him. This stupid fucking door has smelled like it belongs to Bruce for a lot longer than Jason ever got to. 

It smells like Alfred has touched it too. And Dick, and Damian, and Duke, and . . . 

Fuck, he can even smell traces of Selina on it. 

No trace of himself, though. 

He hasn't been in Gotham, Jason reminds himself. He hasn't been in Gotham and he doesn't belong in the manor anyway and this isn't his home anymore. So it shouldn't hurt, that this stupid fucking door doesn't smell like him. It really shouldn't. 

It shouldn't, but . . . but he still feels off, kind of, and he just . . . he isn't really . . . 

He feels off. Really, really off. 

The door is really bothering him. And he really wants a cookie. And . . . and something . . . 

Something's wrong. He's forgetting something. 

Is he forgetting something? 

Jason frowns to himself and pulls out his burner again. Checks the notes app. Checks his calendar. Checks his . . . 

Wait. 

Jason stares at his apps. 

Stares at his cycle tracker, which he hasn't opened all month. 

Or all of last month. 

Stress heat, he reminds himself abruptly. Stress heats throw off people's cycles all the time. And he's never been all that regular anyway, really, especially since dying and getting dumped in the pit. 

Except he's been being an overemotional absolute fucking lunatic for weeks now and he already misses Roy and Kori after three lousy days and he came to the fucking manor without even fucking meaning to and . . . 

Fuck. 

Fuck. 

Jason, very calmly, unlocks the front door with the key he's never once used. Then he bolts into the manor and beelines for the second-nearest bathroom, because Bruce is always over-prepared and that's the one where they always used to keep the pads and tampons and birth control and fucking pregnancy tests. 

And still is, apparently. 

Jason finds a test. He takes the test. 

He sits down to wait for the test. 

He doesn't think a single damn thing, because it'd be pointless. He doesn't have all the information. No point in catastrophizing when he doesn't even know anything yet. 

So he doesn't think. 

.

.

.

The timer on Jason's phone flashes. He looks at the test. 

It's positive. 

And if it's accurate, then doing the math, "bred" has got to be bleeding into his scent by now. Which Roy and Kori were probably already subconsciously noticing at least a week ago, so no fucking wonder they've been talking about their fucking feelings in the middle of fucking kill floors and saying they want to fucking mate him and won't stop sexting and fussing over him. 

Shit. 

He's pregnant. He's pregnant and he probably fucking smells pregnant and he's in the fucking manor like this. 

He really is the stupidest motherfucker alive or dead. 

. . . and he's pregnant. 

.

.

.

Jason snaps the test in half and buries it in one of the hidden scent-blocked pockets at the bottom of his go-bag and just . . . thinks. Or tries to think, anyway. He's pregnant, and he was stupid enough to let himself come to the manor like he's actually a part of this pack–like he's a fucking traditionalist or a romantic coming home to present his pack with his pups and nest up with them all safe and protected until he whelps. Like this pack would even want his pups, much less want to put up with him and all his bullshit for that long. 

God, he's such an idiot. 

He should've fucking known. He should've just gone to the opposite side of the goddamn planet and denned down there and blocked Roy and Kori's numbers and deleted all the Bats' and broken his phone for good measure. He should've paid more attention to taking his birth control on time while he was on the road and not begged Roy and Kori to knot him raw for his heat no matter how good it'd felt. He should've . . . he should've . . . 

He should've . . . 

Jason paces from one end of the bathroom to the other. He paces back the other way. He thinks about panic-texting Roy and Kori for advice or sneaking out to get an abortion before anyone can find out he's bred or never telling anyone this happened ever or running away to Talia or having a fucking anxiety attack on the fucking bathroom floor. 

He thinks, very briefly, about going and presenting the pack with his pups. Like he's an absolute fucking moron or something. 

But he thinks about it, and once he's thought about it . . . once he's considered it . . . 

Jason twists his hands together. Jason paces the bathroom. Jason grits his teeth. 

Jason thinks about presenting the pack with his pups. Presenting the Wayne pack with his pups. 

Not the Bat pack. 

His hands fist against his sides. His shoulders tighten. 

His stomach does nothing except for what it's already doing, which is carry a pup or two or . . . however many. Jason was a single, he semi-reliably knows. Roy was . . . maybe a single? He's pretty sure? And he only sired Lian on Cheshire, at least as far as Cheshire ever admitted to anyone. But Kori and Komand'r and Ryand'r were a litter of three, right? Or Jason thinks they were, anyway. 

Probably asking Kori about that right now would be suspicious. Or at the very least give her and Roy the wrong idea about Jason's opinion of them all actually getting mated. 

Not that it'd actually be the wrong idea so much as . . . 

Fuck, who even knows which one of them actually knocked him up. Maybe both of them did–that happens sometimes, with omegas. Especially when the potential sires are alphas. Technically he thinks it's even possible for female betas, though that's a hell of a lot rarer and really more of a–

Just, Jesus, what in actual hell is Jason gonna do if he ends up whelping a half-alien kid in Gotham? Or if he has to explain to Lian that she's not her daddy's only pup anymore? Or if–

Jason pictures a sweet little redheaded newborn all nestled up to his chest, maybe softly glowing and floating or adorably stupid and wickedly clever or just ridiculously tiny and defenseless and all those other things all at once, and feels far, far too many feelings about the idea. His heart fucking hurts with how many feelings he feels about that fucking idea, in fact. 

Alright. Ruled out sneaking out to get an abortion, apparently. 

Dammit. 

Jason can't actually be a real mom, though. He can't protect a pup with his lifestyle, much less properly raise one. Catherine at least tried even in the worst of her addiction, but that doesn’t mean she was in any place to actually do all that good a job, and Sheila was just an absolute piece of shit as both a dam and a person, and those are his only examples so far as "mothering" behavior goes because he is just not emotionally prepared to ever count Selina–and not even because of her actually being an alpha and therefore more the "fathering" type or all the times he tried to get her arrested back in the day. So just–just how would he ever know how to be a mom for some poor stupid kid who'd probably be just as much of a mouthy, difficult brat as he'd always been? How would he know how to be a mom for a kid genetically crazy enough to jack the fucking Batmobile's tires? How?!

Maybe . . . maybe Roy would want them, though, or . . . or something. He wants Lian even though she's Cheshire's, after all. And like, Jason is also a fucking murderer, yeah, but he’s at least never done it for the fucking money. And who knows, maybe Kori would want them herself, if they were hers. Like–that might be a thing, for all he knows. She’s got worse people than him in her immediate nuclear family, for fuck’s sake. She might not care about the pup having a dam like him any more than Roy probably would. 

Jason would have to actually ask to know if either of them would actually want a pup that was half him, of course, which just sounds like some fresh fucking hell right there. Just . . . absolute and total hell, yeah. 

If they didn’t, though . . . well, he couldn't put the pup up for adoption unless he was absolutely sure they weren't Kori's, given the whole alien superpowers and horrible genetic experiments issue, obviously, but that's what DNA tests are for, right? And even if they were, he could probably– 

. . . wait, fuck, does he maybe have, like–alien royalty in his gut right now? Is that an actual concern that he has to actually be concerned about? 

Fuuuuuck, it really might be. 

Well, that'd be fun to explain to Bruce. 

. . . not that Jason is actually going to be explaining any of this to Bruce, of course. Ever. Just–fuck that, fully and completely. 

Please let Tamaran as a whole just not care about this pup, like, ever. Just–never. Please. 

Please. 

They shouldn’t, at least, because why the hell would they? Jason is slightly undead and fully murderous Crime Alley trash with no prospects and no legal identity and no pack that would ever claim him. There isn't a single planet in this or any galaxy that would be happy about hearing one of its princesses knocked up someone like him. Best-case scenario, they just cut the kid out of the line of succession completely and never ever ask them to visit. 

Maybe he should just be hoping it's Roy's pup. Or pups. Or whatever. 

Still could be Roy and Kori's pups, of course. That's still a disaster that could very easily be happening right now. 

Jason tries to imagine raising a pup that knew they were superpowered alien royalty alongside a completely human pup that knew that their sire already had another pup and just . . . does not want to deal with that particular potential parenting minefield. Ever. 

Fuck, talk about sibling rivalry. And that without even considering Komand'r being in the family tree. Or him and his whole . . . everything with Tim, basically. 

Please, please let the universe at least have the mercy to let this pup be a single, Jason prays. He just seriously can't have any more attempted fratricide or whatever in the not-technically-family.  He really can't deal with that. He's hit his lifetime limit. He's done. Finished. All wrapped up. Tapped out. 

Or he's currently carrying the second coming of Cain and Abel. Whichever. 

Fuck his life. 

Jason exhales. Inhales. Tries not to panic or catastrophize or freak the fuck out. Really, really wants an Alfred cookie. 

Really wants Alfred. Alfred could fix this. Alfred could make this better. Alfred could–could– 

Jason wants Alfred. Jason wants– 

Jason exhales. 

Inhales. 

Jason . . . 

.

.

.

Jason catches a scent. Jason . . . follows the scent. 

Yes. He follows the scent. The scent is what he wants. The scent will make things better. The scent will . . . 

Jason leaves the bathroom. Crosses the foyer. Goes down the hall. Heads into the back of the house, where everything smells like tea and coffee and sweet, sweet things. 

And like a very calm and steady and nurturing beta. 

A very specific calm and steady and nurturing beta. 

Jason walks into the kitchen. There's a couple of other packmates at the table; he ignores them. He loves them, obviously, but they're not who he's here for. 

Grandpa is standing at the counter, pouring tea. It smells nice. Soothing. Sweet. 

Not as nice as Grandpa's soft and steady pheromones, though. 

"Master Jason, what a pleasant surprise," Grandpa says, setting down the tea to smile at him in a way that makes Jason feel very, very warm and very, very overwhelmed. "I didn't even hear you knock. Would you like a cup?" 

Jason is vaguely aware that he should say something that counts as an actual response to . . . any of that, he guesses. 

He really doesn't care, though. He just drops his go-bag full of Red Hood's gear and all his useless weapons and the snapped-in-half pregnancy test on the kitchen floor and heads straight over to Grandpa and ducks his face down to bury in his neck and breath in his scent. Soft. Steady. 

Pack. 

"Master Jason, are you–" Grandpa starts, sounding alarmed, and Jason grabs his hand and puts it on his own stomach and just–

Purrs. 

Grandpa inhales. Gets Jason's scent too, Jason assumes. 

And chokes, very quietly. 

"Jason," he says, sounding absolutely wrecked, and Jason purrs again. 

"Holy crap," a packmate says disbelievingly. It's–Little Brother. Not Pup Brother or New Brother or Big Brother. Little Brother, who smells like too much coffee and not enough sleep and sounds very surprised about something, and–unsurprisingly–has a laptop set up on the table in front of him. 

"Alfred, oh my god, I have literally never heard you say a single one of our names without a ‘Miss’ or a 'Master' or anything attached, is Jason fucking dying?" the other packmate at the table demands worriedly. Loud Sister–not Quiet Sister. Loud Sister smells like less coffee than Little Brother and a rush of nervous energy and also sounds very surprised. Jason wonders why. 

Well, it's not really important, he guesses. 

"Present," he croons lowly, pressing Grandpa's hand tighter against his stomach, and Grandpa puts his other hand on the back of Jason's neck and squeezes it very, very tight. 

It feels nice. 

Jason purrs again. 

"Ohmygod," Loud Sister chokes. 

"Jason," Grandpa says again, his voice all rough and aching as his fingers splay against Jason's stomach just where the pup should be. Or . . . pups? Maybe pups, yeah. More would be better, right? Lots of pups for the pack. 

And lots of grandpups for Alpha. 

That would be nice, Jason thinks, purring louder. 

Jason nuzzles Grandpa's throat and leans down into him. Grandpa swallows. Tightens his grip on the back of Jason's neck. It still feels nice. 

Jason thinks . . . it's been a long time, he thinks, since someone held his neck like this. 

Too long. 

"Okay, so he's definitely feral right now," Little Brother says. "And not in the pit rage way." 

"Ohhhhh so very feral right now," Loud Sister agrees. Jason wonders who they're talking about, but isn't really worried about it either way. They're all in the pack den. They're all safe. So if somebody in the pack is feral right now, they can just ride it out here and they'll be fine. So it's fine. "But he came here? Like . . . I'm not being crazy, right, he's presenting his pup to us right now, isn't he? Like–really presenting it to us?" 

"Well, to Alfred," Little Brother says. "But uh . . . yeah, I think so." 

"Grandpa," Jason says contentedly, squeezing the back of Grandpa's hand again. Grandpa makes a choked noise. "Great-Grandpa." 

"Fuck, I think I kinda wanna cry," Loud Sister says. 

"Would you like to . . . nest, perhaps? Master Jason?" Grandpa asks carefully, clearing his throat. Jason considers the question. Nest means warm. Safe. Good things for the pup. Or pups? 

Whichever. 

"Nest," he agrees contentedly, nuzzling Grandpa's throat again. His scent is so nice. Jason's missed it so, so much. 

Jason missed Grandpa's scent before he ever even knew it existed, he thinks. 

"Then would you prefer your bedroom or the front living room for it? Or . . . somewhere else?" Grandpa asks even more carefully. Jason considers again. The bedroom would be easier to defend. Smaller. Harder for the pack to come visit, though. More out of the way. And if he needed backup, they'd be farther off. The front living room is right up by the foyer, though. Easy for everyone to check in when they come home or before they leave. Lots of room for them all to fit in it, too. He can't really think of a better option for that. 

"Living room," Jason decides. Grandpa makes another choked noise. 

"Of course, Master Jason," he says, his voice all tight. "Please come with me.” 

Jason purrs. 

Grandpa takes his hand and takes him to the front living room. Jason knows where it is, obviously, but it's nice being taken anyway. Grandpa wants him to nest. Grandpa wants his pups. He thinks Jason did good and he's pleased with him for doing good. 

Good, Jason thinks. 

"I'll just be a moment, Master Jason," Grandpa says thickly, then ushers him through the door and leaves him in the living room. Little Brother and Loud Sister linger in the foyer, Little Brother’s laptop tucked under his arm. Jason didn't even notice them following them. 

Well, it's helpful that they did. 

"Pillows," he tells them matter-of-factly because there aren’t really very many nesting pillows in here, and then starts fussing over the blankets draped over the couch as they both share a brief glance before heading off, hopefully in search of the requested pillows. 

The pup definitely needs pillows, Jason knows. And his nest definitely needs pillows, too. 

It won’t be big enough, if there aren’t more pillows. 

.

.

.

Jason turns the front living room upside down and most of the assorted blankets and pillows that he finds in it smell like pack, so they're good, but a couple smell more like Pup Brother's suitors, so those ones Jason tosses out into the foyer. Pup Brother's suitors are . . . fine, he guesses? But not for his nest. 

"What on earth are you doing in there, Todd?" Pup Brother himself asks, eyeing the crumpled blankets on the foyer floor. Quiet Sister is standing beside him and looks excited, leaning forward towards the doorway on her tiptoes. Jason didn't hear them coming, but he wasn't all that worried about listening for anyone either. Also, they're both very quiet when they move anyway. 

"Nest," he says. He doesn't think he's being all that subtle here, but Pup Brother didn't get a traditional pack upbringing, he knows. At least, not the kind that allowed for nesting. That's not really how the League works. 

He definitely never nested when he was with the League. 

". . . nest?" Pup Brother asks, and just a little hinted flash of curiosity crosses the back of his eyes for a moment. Does Pup Brother ever build nests, Jason wonders? He's an omega too. He should learn how, if he hasn't yet. 

"Nest," he repeats firmly, then gestures beckoningly with a blanket that smells acceptably of packscent. Nobody specifically stronger than anybody else; just an easy tangle of a whole mess of different packmates all mixed in together. Pup Brother frowns, looking confused. 

Nest! Quiet Sister signs delightedly before giving Pup Brother an encouraging push into the living room. She doesn't come in herself, though. Which–Quiet Sister is an alpha, of course, so that makes sense. Jason just wasn't sure if she'd know the etiquette, all things considered. 

Well, he isn’t sure if Pup Brother does either, really, but that’s fine. He’s the one who’s supposed to teach Pup Brother that kind of thing anyway. 

"Er," Pup Brother says doubtfully, glancing between them. "Do you require . . . assistance, Todd?" 

Jason dumps an armful of throw pillows on him, then starts demonstrating how to arrange them on the floor. Pup Brother frowns again, holding the unused pillows in his arms and observing the building process intently. Jason’s pleased by that. Pup Brother should learn this. Pup Brother should learn this, so he's showing Pup Brother this. So he's being good! Very good. A good omega. Yes! 

They're both being good. 

So that's good. 

Jason purrs some more. Quiet Sister flutters her hands happily, still waiting in the doorway. Jason wants to invite her in, but really needs to get the nest more established first. 

He'll let her in the nest itself, he already knows. Once it's done, obviously. Quiet Sister probably hasn't really been in a nest before–Pup Brother is the only other omega in the pack, after all, and she doesn't have an omega mate or any omega friends, so when would she have? 

. . . unless she's still courting that weird flirty omega from Little Brother's other pack, maybe? The sort-of-alien-sort-of-human one that makes cloud castles and almost drowned with her in a basement that one time or whatever. Whatever his name is. 

Or . . . wait, was Little Brother the one courting him? 

Hm. 

Well, maybe they both were. Jason isn't really sure, come to think. 

He'll ask later, he decides, and lays down some more throw pillows. Either way he's still inviting Quiet Sister into his nest once it's done. Quiet Sister deserves all the nests she can get. 

Jason hopes she'll like his. 

He finishes with the throw pillows and starts looking for more blankets. Grandpa is back in the doorway with a whole stack of them, which is very conveniently timed and therefore very Grandpa. 

"I was not aware that Todd could become feral without invoking the pit," Pup Brother says skeptically. 

"I suppose maternal instinct has somewhat superseded its effects for the time being," Grandpa replies with a wry, warm smile, looking a bit misty-eyed. Jason purrs at him again, then takes the stack of blankets and starts shaking them out and sorting through them for suitability. They all smell good–all smell like pack. 

"‘Maternal instinct’?" Pup Brother repeats blankly. 

"That seems to be why Master Jason is here tonight, Master Damian," Grandpa says. "He is presenting us with his pup." 

"He–oh!" Pup Brother says, his eyes widening as Quiet Sister beams. "I didn't–realize. Er. Should I be . . . in here?" 

Jason teach, Quiet Sister signs. Pup Brother looks flustered. Damian learn.

"Oh," Pup Brother says just a little weakly. "I–er. Yes. Very well." 

Jason purrs at him too, then resumes sorting the new blankets. This one smells like New Brother, and this one smells like Big Brother and his mate, and this one . . . 

Oh. 

Jason . . . pauses. The blanket in his hands is soft and heavy and dark and smells like . . . smells like . . . 

It smells like Alpha. 

"Is that one . . . acceptable, Master Jason?" Grandpa asks quietly. 

Jason rubs his thumbs across his grip on the blanket. Buries his mouth in the edge of it just long enough to taste the pheromones scenting it. Breathes it in. 

Yes. It smells like Alpha. 

Their alpha. 

Jason lays the Alpha-scented blanket over the bottom of his growing nest like a foundation, purring soft and reverent as he tucks all the corners in, and then resumes building from there. Grandpa makes a very quiet choked noise again. 

"Delivery," Little Brother says as he and Loud Sister reappear in the doorway with more nesting pillows than Jason actually realized were in the entire pack den. Good, he thinks, crooning approvingly as he nudges Pup Brother to go and fetch them. Good for his mates' pups. Lots of pillows. Lots of warm and soft. 

Just–lots. 

"Do we know who sired Todd's pup?" Pup Brother asks warily as he ferries back the nesting pillows just a little awkwardly. It’s going to take him a few trips to get them all, but Jason doesn't mind. There's no rush. 

"He hasn't said," Grandpa says. 

"Surely we should inquire, then," Pup Brother says. "It seems . . . important." 

"Damian, you and Bruce are literally the only people in this pack currently living with any kind of a blood relative," Loud Sister tells him wryly. "Except for Jason and the baby now, I guess. And also that is a super-rude kind of question to ask somebody who's in feral drop anyway." 

"Well, they could be someone dangerous," Pup Brother grumbles. "Or a civilian, in which case they would need to be retrieved as soon as possible." 

"‘Retrieved’?" Little Brother asks with a frown. "What for?” 

"They would not be safe outside the manor," Pup Brother says. "The sire of the first pups of our pack's next generation would be a valuable target for our enemies." 

". . . okay, good point there," Little Brother mutters as he and Loud Sister both wince. "Uh, Jason? Who'd you spend your last heat with?" 

"Mine," Jason replies, contentedly fluffing the new layer of pillows in his nest. It’s much more important than that question. 

". . . your what, exactly?" Loud Sister tries. 

"Mine," Jason repeats, still more absorbed in the process of nest-building than anything else. They can talk once his nest is done, he figures. If they really have to, he means. "My . . . mmmmm. My sun. And my arsenal." 

"Please don't mean a Kryptonian when you say 'sun'," Little Brother mutters under his breath. "Or an assassin when you say 'arsenal'." 

"I love them," Jason replies in satisfaction, and lays down another blanket. This one smells like Grandpa. It's so nice. 

"Oh wow, Jason just actually admitted an emotional attachment willingly and in cold blood and without triggering the pit," Loud Sister says, her eyes wide. "Yeah, okay, we reaaaaally shouldn't have asked about the sire." 

"No, Damian's right," Little Brother says, shaking his head. "This is important. They could be in danger. Or, uh, planning to attack us. Depending. Are your sun and your arsenal civilians, Jason?" 

Jason laughs. 

That's such a funny question. 

"They're gonna burn down Gotham for me," he says dreamily. 

"Not the most reassuring answer but noted," Little Brother says. "Are they going to burn it down with, I don't know, specifically heat vision?" 

Jason laughs again. 

"I'm just gonna call Kon real quick," Little Brother says, pulling out his phone. 

"Isn't he an omega?" Loud Sister asks doubtfully. 

"Yeah, but Supergirl's an alpha," Little Brother says. "And, relatedly, so is Power Girl." 

Jason takes a moment to think about Power Girl. Just, like . . . as a person and everything. And as an experience.  

He purrs.

". . . yeah, definitely call Kon," Loud Sister says, half-eyeing him for some reason. 

Little Brother calls. 

"Hey, Tim," Little Brother's phone hums as Jason's busy demonstrating how to build up the sides of the nest for Pup Brother, who's still watching the process intently. "What's up, dude?" 

Oh. It's the cloud castle omega, Jason realizes. 

"I forget which one of you's courting him," he muses distractedly as he reinforces the nest a little more. He’s pretty sure he knew, anyway. But maybe not. 

"Wait, who's getting courted?" Little Brother's phone asks, sounding puzzled. 

"Nothing! No one!" Little Brother sputters as he turns red. So maybe he's the one doing the courting, then? But also Quiet Sister is leaning in towards the phone with a very pleased expression on her face, so maybe not. 

"Kon," she says happily. 

"Oh, hey there, Batbabe," Little Brother's phone says, sounding pretty pleased too. "Nice to hear from you again." 

"Kon," Quiet Sister repeats in a low and carrying alpha-voiced rumble, which may or may not count as an actual response to her, and the phone giggles flirtatiously. Little Brother makes a face. 

"Kon, do you know if Power Girl might've heat-partnered Hood recently?" he cuts in quickly. "Or . . . ever, I guess?" 

"I don't know, Tim, do you remember how we talked about boundaries and how some people still have them even when they're wearing coordinating superhero costumes?" his phone asks dryly. 

"Yes," Little Brother very clearly lies. 

"Yeah, well, Power Girl and I definitely have them," his phone says. "Despite the super-hearing and the X-ray vision and how absolutely desperately I want her to throw me down and fucking rail me, which should tell you a lot." 

"Jason just showed up at the manor pregnant and feral with literally no warning and when we asked him who the sire was he just called them his 'sun'," Little Brother says. 

". . . alright well so much for boundaries, I guess," his phone says. "Lemme text her." 

"Thank you," Little Brother says in relief. 

"You're just lucky that you're cute and I'm easy," his phone scoffs. "Hmmm. She says 'no, does he need me to?' Lucky bitch." 

"Dammit," Little Brother says. “Alright, thanks anyway. I’ll see you this weekend.” 

“Such a romantic,” his phone teases. “Speaking of heat-partnering, you bringin’ Cass along next time?” 

Quiet Sister rumbles warmly. Little Brother’s phone laughs, then purrs back. Little Brother looks briefly sour. 

“Sure, great, thanks,” he says. “Bye, Kon.” 

“Hate to see you go, love to watch you leave,” his phone coos, and Little Brother ends the call with an exasperated expression. 

“Why is he like this,” he mutters. “Why don’t I have better taste?” 

“Because you are an idiot,” Pup Brother informs him. Little Brother eyes him dubiously. 

“Helpful as always, demon brat, thank you,” he says. “Alright, it’s not Power Girl, so small favors. I don’t know how concerned we should be at this point, honestly. It might just be, I don’t know, some random assassin’s kid or something.” 

“Ugh, I hope not, a Kryptonian’s pup would’ve been way less of a problem than an assassin’s,” Loud Sister huffs, making a face as she folds her arms. 

“. . . explain that logic, please,” Little Brother says. 

“Kryptonian babies don’t get superpowers until the sun happens to them, so they wouldn’t accidentally hurt him kicking around in-utero or anything, so we’ve got nine months ‘til shit might get complicated,” Loud Sister replies reasonably. “But assassin babies come with at least one guaranteed murderous relative and probably also-murderous rivals of said relative who are all already grown-ass murderous adults that probably don’t care about stabbing pregnant people.” 

“I hate our lives,” Little Brother mutters, putting his face in his hands. 

“Assassins will not be a concern,” Grandpa says dismissively, and Jason feels warm and safe. Anyone else, that might just be an assumption. From Grandpa, it’s a promise. 

He loves him so much. He loves all of them, obviously, but Grandpa he loves so much. He purrs happily in his direction, and Grandpa's face goes soft for a moment, and then solid as steel. 

“You’re safe here, my boy,” he says quietly. and Jason purrs again and stacks up some more nesting pillows. He knows that. Grandpa’s here, so of course he does. The pack’s here. He’s not alone this time, so he’s safe. 

And Alpha will be home soon, too. 

So yes. He’s safe. His pup is safe. 

He wouldn’t have brought them here if they wouldn’t be. 

Jason stacks up a few more nesting pillows; drapes another blanket over them and tucks in all the loose corners of it. He’s making sloping walls. He likes those the best. They’re the nicest. 

( Mama built her nests with sloping walls. real Mama. not the liar.

he always wanted his nests to be like hers. )

This blanket smells like Loud Sister. A little bit like Quiet Sister too, but mostly like her. It’s nice too. Jason checks the corners of it, then gets more pillows. 

“I was unaware this was such an involved process,” Pup Brother says, sounding perplexed. 

“Depends on both the omega and the situation, but yeah, kinda tends to be,” Loud Sister says with a shrug, then glances towards the door. “Who’s–” 

Brother, Quiet Sister signs, unconcerned. Jason perks reflexively, because there’s only two options left for that sign, and–

Ah. No, he can smell New Brother coming; not Big Brother. Well, that’s alright. Jason doesn’t know New Brother very well yet, but he should be here. Obviously he should. The whole pack should. He’s pupped now, so they’re all just going to have to hurry up and get home to meet them. Her. Him. It? 

. . . whatever. Jason doesn’t even understand most of the human genders, much less any Tamaranean ones. The pup can just tell him when they figure it out. 

“Hey, what’s everybody doing in–” New Brother starts to ask as he walks into the foyer, and then catches sight of Jason and startles in surprise. “Oh!” 

Jason hums in idle acknowledgement at him, but doesn’t look up from the nest. New Brother is a beta; he doesn’t need nesting lessons. Though he could come in, Jason supposes. 

To the room, he means. Not the nest. He doesn’t know him well enough for that yet. 

. . . maybe later, though. Mm. Yeah–later, maybe. 

But Pup Brother and Quiet Sister first. 

“Jason came home,” Little Brother says. “Came home pregnant, specifically. He’s presenting his pup to–well, he presented them to Alfred, technically, I think the rest of us were more incidental in that. But he did let Steph and I get him pillows and he’s teaching Damian how to nest. Also he's definitely feral as hell right now, so keep that in mind.” 

“Huh,” New Brother says, looking bemused. “I . . . was not under the impression that he would literally ever do any of that. Except maybe for the going feral part, though in that case I would’ve expected more blood and screaming and murder. Uh–no offense.” 

“None taken, I’m sure, Master Duke,” Grandpa says dryly. 

“I didn’t mean–I just, you know, I didn’t think he really considered the manor home anymore,” New Brother says awkwardly, and Jason . . . Jason feels a little unsettled, and thinks . . . is that . . . right, or . . . ? 

“This manor will be a home to Master Jason for as long as it stands,” Grandpa says, simple and certain, and Jason is immediately soothed. Grandpa knows, after all. So if Grandpa says so, it’s true. “To all of you. No matter what.” 

Jason loves him so much, he thinks contentedly, and layers a few more pillows. 

“We should call Bruce, actually,” Little Brother says. “Do you think we should call Bruce?” 

“No,” Grandpa says. “Master Bruce will just rile himself up on the way home if we call him and show up in an alpha snit. Best to just let him arrive as scheduled. He should be on his way by now anyway.” 

“I guess, yeah,” Little Brother says, biting his lip. “I don’t know, I just feel like we should call him.” 

“We should call Dick,” New Brother says. “Speaking of people who’re gonna get riled about this.” 

“Ooo, good point,” Loud Sister says with a wince, tapping her lip. “Where is he tonight again?” 

“Master Dick and Miss Barbara are already enroute as well,” Grandpa says, linking his hands neatly in front of himself. “I did call them. Though I will admit that I did not specify the purpose of my call, only that there was vital pack business to be attended to at the manor.” 

“Alfred, I’m pretty sure you gave them a heart attack,” Loud Sister says with a wince. “Like you definitely gave them a heart attack.” 

“I did not say that it was urgently vital,” Grandpa replies, clearly unconcerned. “Master Jason, are you hungry? Would you like something for the pup?” 

Jason pauses consideringly, mulling that over, then nods agreeably. The pup needs fed, yes. The pup definitely needs fed. Especially if there's more than one. They have to grow up strong and healthy. They need taken care of. 

“For the pup,” he confirms. And he still wants a cookie, too. 

He really wants a cookie. 

A cookie would be nice. 

“Just a moment, then, Master Jason,” Grandpa says, then heads off towards the kitchen. Jason hums contentedly to himself–because Grandpa–and then goes back to showing Pup Brother how to nest. 

“Damian is also fine with this?” New Brother mutters in an aside to Little Brother and Loud Sister. “Like, that’s a thing?” 

“Damian is, more pressingly, not deaf,” Pup Brother says dubiously. New Brother looks momentarily embarrassed, then just shrugs. 

“Look, you can’t tell me it’s not a valid question,” he says. Pup Brother glowers at him. 

“Todd is an omega who trained within the League of Assassins,” he says. “He is the most acceptable candidate to provide me with these teachings.” 

“They nest in the League?” Loud Sister asks skeptically. 

“No,” Pup Brother says, the corner of his jaw momentarily tightening. “They do not.” 

“Oh,” she says, just barely wincing. Jason purrs encouragingly at Pup Brother, then reaches out and tugs him in close enough to rub his wrists along the scent glands in his throat, scenting him with nest safe-nest-safe-nest pack-omega-protect. Pup Brother stands very, very still for it very, very stiffly. Jason purrs again, then nuzzles his hair before taking the rest of the pillows he’s holding from him and working on working them into the nest. Pup Brother stays still one moment longer, then heads back to the pillows left by the door and scoops them up to bring back. Jason purrs approvingly again, and a very faint note of . . . acknowledgment, maybe, enters Pup Brother’s scent. 

Pup Brother’s scent very rarely gives off anything but challenge or disdain, if it gives off anything at all. The only ones in the pack with more control over their pheromones are Quiet Sister and Grandpa, Jason thinks. Even Alpha can’t hold himself back as well. 

Alpha grew up different, of course, Jason remembers idly, and fluffs up a few of the pillows before placing them. 

He turns over the pillows consideringly once or twice, then fluffs them again. After a while Grandpa comes back with a small stack of folded clothes and a tray of little sandwiches and cut-up celery sticks and apple slices with peanut butter to dip them in, and Jason very vaguely remembers being twelve years old and consistently not hungry for maybe the first time he could remember and that one weird, stupid phase where he’d refused to eat anything without cheap store-brand peanut butter being involved and driven Grandpa very politely up the wall, probably, but Grandpa had found about eight million different ways to use the stuff and Alpha hadn’t complained or forced him to eat anything he didn’t want or anything like that. 

Psychologically, Jason knows it’d probably been some stupid regression thing or just because he’d never really been in a situation where he’d been able to be actually picky about food before. But at the time . . . at the time, it’d felt like proof that Grandpa and Alpha had really cared. Like, even more than getting taken in off the street to begin with had. 

It’d been . . . weird. Weird that that’d made him feel that way. 

Weirder than they’d put up with it, though. 

So seeing Grandpa bring him peanut butter now is . . . 

Jason thinks about crying, but it makes more sense to hug Grandpa and nuzzle into the scent glands in his throat, even with the high stiff collar of his shirt halfway in the way. It doesn’t matter, because Grandpa smells familiar and safe and Grandpa is familiar and safe and he brought him peanut butter like maybe he . . . remembers, maybe, that one weird stupid phase Jason’d had. Like maybe he . . . cares, still. 

There’s cookies on the tray too. Jaffa cakes. 

Jason hasn’t had a jaffa cake since before he died, he’s pretty sure. 

If he has, he knows it couldn’t possibly have compared to Grandpa’s. 

Jason purrs into Grandpa’s half-covered scent gland, then takes the tray and sets it up neatly just outside the nest, in easy reach but not in any packmates’ paths. Easy to step around. He picks out the nicest-looking jaffa cake and pushes it on Pup Brother, who looks puzzled but takes it. 

“Er,” Pup Brother says, frowning at the jaffa cake in his hand. “I have reached my necessary caloric intake for the day, Todd.” 

Jason doesn’t know why that matters, so just watches him expectantly. Pup Brother looks awkward, glancing towards the others. Jason prods insistently at the jaffa cake. 

“Master Jason seems to want you to eat as well, Master Damian,” Grandpa supplies helpfully, seeming faintly amused, and Pup Brother looks puzzled again. 

“Why?” he asks. “I am not the one with pups to feed.” 

“You are a pup to feed, Damian,” Little Brother says wryly. Pup Brother’s expression turns dubious. 

“Hardly,” he says. “The fact that I have not yet presented is irrelevant to my capacity to feed myself.” 

Jason doesn’t really know what Pup Brother’s going on about, but he needs to eat. He pokes meaningfully at the jaffa cake again, a little concerned. Is Pup Brother not feeling well? Is he sick? He doesn’t smell sick, or like he’s in pain or anything like that either. But he’s still not eating the jaffa cake, and it’s one of Grandpa’s. 

“I think if you don’t eat it you’re gonna stress him out,” New Brother says. Pup Brother scowls at him. Maybe he really doesn’t feel good, Jason thinks, and presses the back of his hand to his forehead just in case, frowning at the thought. “See?” 

“This is ridiculous,” Pup Brother mutters, but he takes a bite of his jaffa cake and Jason immediately relaxes and starts purring encouragingly at him, twisting his wrist to rub his scent glands along Pup Brother’s hair with the scent of pack-pack-BROTHER-pack. Good. Pup Brother isn’t sick.

Pup Brother . . . blinks, very slowly, and then eats the rest of his jaffa cake. Jason purrs louder and scents him a little more. He’s such a good pup. Jason wants to–

The front door slams open. Everyone jumps, but Jason isn’t worried about it, because at the same time he hears Big Brother’s voice shout, “ALFRED!”

So it’s just Big Brother, and Grandpa will take care of him. It’s fine. 

“Master Dick,” Grandpa says, turning towards the front door with a mildly disapproving expression, still holding the clothes he brought with the tray. Jason wonders what they’re for. “Please refrain from shouting in the den.” 

“You said it was vital pack business!” Big Brother’s voice protests. Jason can’t see him from here, but isn’t worried about it. Big Brother will come into view soon enough, and then Jason will let him in the living room. Not the nest, but definitely the living room. “You haven’t said that since the last time the Court of Owls was making trouble!” 

“I didn’t say it was urgent,” Grandpa says, mildly put out. 

“What happened?” Big Brother’s mate asks, and Jason hears the slight squeak of her wheels. They should oil her chair, he thinks absentmindedly. It’s safer if she can move quieter. “And why is everyone in the foyer?” 

“Everyone is not in the foyer, actually,” Loud Sister says. 

“Bruce and Selina are still on the way, aren’t they?” Big Brother’s mate asks. “My news tracker didn’t ID them as leaving the gala until pretty recently.” 

“Yeah,” Little Brother says. “She meant Jason and Damian aren’t out here, though.” 

Big Brother and his mate both pause. Jason lays out another blanket. 

“. . . ‘out here’?” Big Brother repeats. 

“We are in the living room,” Pup Brother says, sounding annoyed. “Obviously.” 

“What do you mean ‘we’?” Big Brother asks in confusion, then leans into line of sight to look into the living room past the others. Then he goes very, very still. Jason wonders why, idly, and shakes out another blanket. “. . . Jason. Are you nesting? In the living room?” 

Jason huffs, because obviously, and then drops the blanket to go over to the doorway and grab Big Brother’s wrist and yank him into the living room past the others. He’s taking too long. 

“Present,” Jason croons anyway, because the important part is that Big Brother is finally here, and he pulls Big Brother’s hand to his stomach. 

“Oh,” Big Brother chokes, his eyes widening. Jason just pushes his nose into one of the scent glands in the other’s neck and nuzzles in contentedly. Big Brother smells strong and sure and safe, like always. 

“Oh, you got the full intro,” Little Brother observes, sounding a little surprised. “Only Alfred’s gotten that so far.” 

“Jason,” Big Brother says, his voice still choked, and then Jason has to suffer through being hugged with Big Brother’s free arm, but it’s fine. Big Brother’s just like that. 

Anyway, Jason can keep his nose in his neck for a little longer this way anyway. 

“Mmm,” he hums, nuzzling Big Brother again. “Uncle. Don’t spoil ‘em.” 

“I’m gonna spoil ‘em so bad, Little Wing,” Big Brother says with a shaky little laugh, squeezing his arm around him tighter. Jason grumbles in annoyance and bites him, but not too hard. 

The bruising won’t last that long, he means. 

. . . probably. 

Big Brother probably is gonna spoil his pup, the dumbass. Jason’s gonna have to make sure he doesn’t go overboard. A little bit of spoiling is probably okay, though. Like–just giving the pup a little bit of it can’t hurt. Jason doesn’t really know if he knows how to spoil a pup himself, so . . . Big Brother’s gonna be useful for that, yeah. 

Though he’s still gonna have to make sure the idiot doesn’t go overboard, obviously. 

Big Brother squeezes him tighter again. Jason bites him harder, then shoves him off. Big Brother coos happily and Jason rolls his eyes. 

Moron. 

“Master Jason,” Grandpa says, and holds out the clothes in his arms. Jason realizes they’re probably meant for him, so he takes them. They’re soft. Nice-feeling. 

And they smell like . . . 

Jason holds the folded stack of them against his chest and breathes in the scent of Alpha, and settles into his own bones. 

“We have been unable to ascertain the identity of the sire,” Pup Brother informs Big Brother. “Todd did not provide a clear response when questioned.” 

“Oh, yeah, I don’t even know if he’s seeing anyone,” Big Brother says. “Well, does it matter?” 

“As Dames pointed out earlier, if they’re either an assassin or an easy target?” Loud Sister says. “Definitely. Like, very, very definitely.” 

“. . . point,” Big Brother says, making a face. “What did he say?” 

“He called them his sun and his arsenal,” Little Brother says, sounding bothered. “That was all he said. Power Girl said she hasn’t heat-partnered him, thought we probably should ask Supergirl too just in case, since–” 

“Tim,” Big Brother cuts him off, staring at him as his mate muffles a low snicker. Little Brother pauses, then blinks at him. 

“What?” he says. 

"Jason called them his sun," Big Brother repeats, raising an eyebrow. "And his arsenal.” 

"Yes?" Little Brother says. 

"You know, I remember your friends' names, Timmy," Big Brother says. 

"Wh–oh!" Little Brother groans, smacking a hand against the side of his head as Big Brother's mate starts laughing outright. "Starfire and Red Arrow?! Seriously?!" 

"In Jay's defense, I might've talked them both up a bit back when he was young and impressionable," Big Brother replies wryly. "Or maybe a lot. So like, good job on bagging them both at once, Little Wing, I'm impressed, never actually pulled that one off myself." 

"You and the damn redheads," Big Brother's mate snorts. Which . . . her hair is also red? So Jason's not really sure what that's about. "And how's Wally doing today, honey?" 

"I'm sure I don't know, honey," Big Brother lies primly, folding his arms. "So how was their double-team game, Little Wing? Just for totally innocent and unselfish reasons that have nothing to do with either any unsatisfied teenage curiosity or outstanding bets with Vic or my own personal spank bank." 

"They want flowers," Jason hums contentedly, finally unfolding the clothes Grandpa’s brought him. They smell so much like Alpha he must’ve slept in them last night. 

"Flowers?" Big Brother tilts his head questioningly as Jason kicks off his boots and strips off his own clothes and bare remnants of weapons and armor one-handed, letting it all drop carelessly to the floor. It’s not any more important than Red Hood’s gear, right now. 

"And stars," he says, still more contented. 

"Stars?" Big Brother wrinkles his nose. 

"Yeah," Jason says, stepping into Alpha’s soft sleep pants and pulling on his T-shirt. They fit, which is funny. Alpha used to seem like the biggest thing in the world, even face-to-face with Killer Croc or Clayface or just . . . whoever. 

Good, Jason thinks, smoothing the shirt down over his stomach carefully, even though nothing’s even showing yet. Then maybe the pup will think he’s someplace that safe too. 

Big Brother blinks at him. Blinks again. 

Blinks one more time. 

"Oh my god, are they actually mating you?!" he yelps, clapping his hands over his mouth as his eyes widen in delight. "Little Wing! My baby boy! Please let me be your man of honor, I will wear a bridesmaids' dress if I have to, I don't even care.” 

Jason is admittedly tempted by the offer, if only for the entertainment factor of watching Big Brother learn to walk in heels. Although even being a male beta Big Brother would still probably look distractingly better in the dress than any of the other bridesmaids, so maybe not . . . ? 

Also, really, Big Brother can probably already run in heels, knowing him. 

Maybe not stilettos, though. 

Hmmmmm. 

Jason does like stilettos. 

"A bridesmaids' dress?" Big Brother's mate asks wryly, raising an eyebrow. 

"Babs, baby, you don't even know what I would do to get Jason to have an actual mating ceremony that I could actually attend," Big Brother says feelingly, waving his hands in the air between them. "Wearing a bridesmaids' dress is the least of it." 

. . . Jason plucks at the collar of his borrowed shirt and wonders if Alpha would give him away, if he asked him to. If he'd . . . if he'd like to. 

Want to. 

If he'd dance with him, at the reception. That's normal, for the pack alpha to dance with the . . . with the bride. 

So maybe Alpha would, if Jason asked him to. 

Jason bites his lip, considering, and then just . . . goes back to the nest, and back to building it up. It's almost done–it doesn't need much more work. He's mostly just onto finishing touches now, really, and showing Pup Brother how to make sure everything's all comfortable and secure. 

"Are nests typically this size?" Pup Brother asks, peering over his shoulder with poorly-concealed curiosity. "It seems somewhat larger than necessary." 

"Depends how many people you want in 'em and, like, said people’s feelings about personal space," Big Brother replies with a shrug. "Seen both bigger and smaller, depending. You should see Donna's heat nests, they're amazing. Like, they're basically fortresses and we can literally fit the whole Titans roster in them at once, reserves included. Apparently it's an Amazon thing, they just pile on the sisters like crazy." 

"That seems . . . excessive," Pup Brother says with a grimace. "Although quite frankly I cannot imagine wanting to be in a nest with anyone else at all. Certainly not while–compromised." 

"I mean, maybe, but you might change your mind about that someday," Loud Sister tells him with a laugh. "I didn't ever think I'd care about nests until the first time an omega I liked invited me into one of theirs to cuddle and then, welllll . . ." 

"Or if you ever get mated, you might want to then," Little Brother adds. "Partners that nest together report healthier relationships and deeper communication, and better socialization and emotional support for their pups." 

"I do not 'cuddle'," Pup Brother sneers with utmost disdain. "And I in fact have no expectations of ever finding an alpha worthy of either my time or the gift of my womb." 

"Isn't Jon an alpha, though?" Big Brother asks curiously, tilting his head with an expression of perfect innocence. "He's like your best friend. And that Colin kid's an alpha too, right? Wouldn't consider giving either of them a little time? Or just following Jason's example and going for broke on both?" 

"I–that's–shut up and die, Grayson!" Pup Brother sputters indignantly as everyone else muffles laughter, his face bright red and own expression absolutely mortified. Big Brother grins winningly at him, all sly amusement. Pup Brother glares back darkly. "I will kill you and I will not regret the necessity of it." 

"Okay, well, too bad for you but you've conditioned me to find murder threats adorable, so check and mate, pup," Big Brother replies with a wider grin. 

"A promise is not a threat," Pup Brother retorts darkly, narrowing his eyes at him. 

"Awwwww," Big Brother coos adoringly. Pup Brother hisses at him. 

He seems grouchy, so Jason hugs him. Pup Brother bristles. Jason should probably hug him harder, he figures, and does. 

“Todd!” Pup Brother sputters. Loud Sister and Little Brother start laughing, and New Brother muffles a snicker. Jason wonders what’s so funny, but it’s more important to hug Pup Brother and scent him with safe-safe-safe. Big Brother and his mate can handle whatever the others are distracted by, he figures. Or Quiet Sister or Grandpa. Or just whoever isn’t busy, he guesses. 

He should get Pup Brother another jaffa cake, he decides, and drags him back over to the cookies. 

“Todd!” Pup Brother squawks indignantly, attempting to escape his grip. He doesn’t use any nerve strikes, though, so Jason figures he’s not that serious about it and just sits him down on the edge of the nest and pushes another jaffa cake on him. Or two. 

. . . maybe three. Three might be better. 

“Oh my god, I would kill for my camera right now,” Little Brother says, still laughing. Pup Brother growls at him. Jason nuzzles him, then grooms his hair a little as he fusses him into eating the jaffa cakes. 

“Should we call Kori and Roy?” Big Brother’s mate asks. “They can’t possibly know he’s pregnant and not either be here.” 

“I mean, you’re assuming Jason didn’t deliberately ditch them, but point,” Big Brother says, his expression turning considering. “Or that he’d have told them he was pregnant. Especially since they’re not mated yet.” 

“They’ll mate me when I let ‘em,” Jason huffs, grooming Pup Brother some more and then pushing him down into the nest to tuck him in. Pup Brother doesn’t flail, but he stiffens a little, so Jason scents him some more. safe-safe nest-safe-nest

Pup Brother doesn’t relax, exactly, but warily untenses, at least. 

“Todd, this is your nest,” he says with a frown. “Why am I in it?” 

“I want you in it,” Jason hums, rubbing his wrists along Pup Brother’s throat with more safe-safe-safe. Pup Brother wrinkles his nose, looking bewildered. 

Dumb kid. Why else? 

“That is the least convincing possible answer you could have provided me,” Pup Brother accuses. Jason rolls his eyes, then leans down to nuzzle his hair and scruffs the back of his neck lightly. Pup Brother stiffens instead of melting, but it’s Pup Brother, so Jason isn’t surprised by that fact and just nuzzles him again before looking towards Quiet Sister instead. The nest’s good enough now, he thinks. 

“You too,” he says, jerking his head towards it. Quiet Sister’s eyes widen in surprise, and then her face splits into a warm, delighted smile. 

Thank you, she signs before slipping into the living room and approaching the nest. She stops outside it to bow in a formal, unpracticed request. Jason spares a moment to hate her asshole sire, then reaches up and grabs her to pull her down into it. She lets him, which makes him feel a little better about things, and lets him settle her into the curved side of the nest. She beams at him, reaching up to brush sister-scent along his throat from her wrists, and he stops to nuzzle into them. It’s nice, so obviously he does. And it makes it easier for her to scent him, too. 

“Holy shit,” Loud Sister mutters under her breath. Jason doesn’t know why. 

He nuzzles into Quiet Sister’s wrists one last time, then turns to scoop Pup Brother into his arms and pull him down onto their sides. He cuddles them together, wrapping himself around him and leaving Quiet Sister space to spoon up behind him. Them. Whichever. Pup Brother makes an indignant noise and Jason hushes him with a humming purr and nuzzles safe-pup good-pup good-good-pup into his hair. Pup Brother makes an outraged noise this time, and Little Brother and Loud Sister both laugh. Pup Brother growls at them and reaches for a knife, and Jason hums another purr into his hair. He lets Pup Brother throw the knife at them, since they don’t need knives in the nest. Not while Grandpa and Big Brother are here, anyway. It’s safe, with both of them here. 

. . . and Alpha will be home soon too. 

Little Brother and Loud Sister dodge Pup Brother’s knife, still laughing. Jason just buries his face in his hair again and squeezes his arms around him tighter with another purr. Pup Brother hisses, but relaxes. Slightly. 

Well, doesn’t go for another knife, anyway. 

Same difference. 

“This is undignified, Todd,” Pup Brother growls. Jason doesn’t know what he’s talking about, so just ignores it to cuddle him some more, petting more good-pup safe-pup scent onto him. What’s “dignified” matter, anyway? They’re in the pack den. They don’t have to worry about things like that here. 

Even if Grandpa always does himself. But that’s just Grandpa, anyway. 

“I don’t think he cares, Dami,” Big Brother says, sounding amused. “Can everyone else come into the living room too, Little Wing, or do you want your space?” 

“Come in,” Jason hums easily. Obviously they should all come in. Why wouldn’t they? 

Grandpa gives a soft hitched sigh, and Big Brother lets out a choked little laugh. 

“Cool,” he says. “Yeah, that’s–okay. Yeah. Thanks, Jason.” 

“Just get ‘em all in here and quit fuckin’ loitering,” Jason snorts, then nuzzles Pup Brother again, who gives an aggrieved sigh but still doesn’t stab anyone. So that’s fine, Jason figures, and scents good-good-pup into his hair again. 

“Absolutely undignified,” Pup Brother mutters sullenly as the rest of the pack slips quiet and careful into the room. New Brother and Loud Sister take the couch. Little Brother tries to follow them, like an idiot, and Jason growls. 

“Not there,” he snaps irritably, baring his teeth. Stupid Little Brother. 

“Uh,” Little Brother says. “You don’t want, uh, me in here?” His scent flickers with restless self-consciousness, and Jason growls again. Idiot. 

He sits up just enough to glower his exasperation at Little Brother, then leans over and snakes out an arm to grab his ankle and yank. Little Brother goes down with a yelp, and Jason drags him over to the side of the nest and pulls him in against it. Not inside it, obviously, but against it. He snatches Little Brother’s laptop off him to make sure he stays, then unfolds it and sets it up on the edge of the nest facing out towards Little Brother. He also glowers at him again, just to make the point. 

“There,” he says, still annoyed but mostly satisfied. “Sit. Stay.” 

“Um,” Little Brother says. “Right . . . here?” 

Jason gives him a withering look, then lays back down between Pup Brother and Quiet Sister and curls up around Pup Brother, who huffs over it. Quiet Sister rumbles softly, then presses up against his back. Jason feels . . . settled, maybe. Quiet Sister won’t let anything happen either. They’re safe here. 

All of them. 

“Am I flattered that he just set up a workstation for me on the edge of his nest or insulted that he wants me on the floor?” Little Brother wonders. Loud Sister laughs and he flips her off, but settles properly into his seat anyway and adjusts the tilt of his screen. Jason growls again on principle, then spares Big Brother a suspicious glance to make sure he sits where he should. Big Brother lets out a shaky laugh of his own, but sits down cross-legged on the floor on the other side of the nest. 

Good, Jason thinks in satisfaction. 

Grandpa sits in the armchair by the doorway, unfortunately, but it's Grandpa, so Jason allows it. And Big Brother's mate wheels over and parks her chair behind Big Brother. That's fine, Jason decides, then relaxes almost as fully as he can. 

As fully as he can without Alpha around, anyway. 

Alpha should hurry up and get here. Jason needs to present his pup to him already. 

It's . . . different from the last time he was waiting on Alpha, he thinks vaguely. Then he just–doesn't think about that anymore. But it is different. 

Alpha's actually coming this time, so it's different. 

Jason tightens his grip on Pup Brother and Quiet Sister tightens her grip on him. He can smell the whole pack's scents–smell the whole pack's packscent–and he feels . . . good about that. He likes that. 

He missed them. He shouldn't have stayed gone so long. Though now there's a pup, and maybe even more than one, so he supposes it was worth it. 

And either way, he's home now. 

Grandpa said. 

“ETA on B?” Big Brother asks. 

“Eighteen minutes, if they avoided the downtown traffic,” Big Brother’s mate says. Jason hums acknowledgment, then lets himself relax just a little more. More than he even thought he could, really. 

It's nice. 

It's really nice. 

And they're all safe, too. 

“Holy crap, is he purring?” New Brother mutters under his breath. 

“He is definitely purring,” Loud Sister confirms. “Like a big grumpy motorcycle.” 

“Pretty sure I've heard quieter motorcycles,” Big Brother's mate says wryly. “It's pretty cute, though.” 

“It is so cute, oh my god,” Big Brother says in despairing delight. “This is bad enough, how are we gonna handle him being like this with an actual baby?” 

“I think that's mostly a ‘you’ problem, Dick,” Little Brother says. 

“That is definitely a ‘you’ problem,” Loud Sister agrees. 

“For sure,” New Brother says. 

“Very cute,” Quiet Sister hums, nuzzling the back of Jason’s neck and patting his shoulder. “Baby brother.” 

“Thank you, Cass,” Big Brother says with a huff, folding his arms. “This is so adorable I can’t even stand it.” 

Jason huffs, rolling his eyes, then just settles in and closes them. It’s safe to. And he has a nest to let his scent seep into and through, and “bred” pheromones to let settle into and fill up the den. He’s early enough along that it’ll probably take a little while, so it’s past time to concentrate on putting those off and scenting the room. The nest’s all made, and Pup Brother and Quiet Sister are in it, and Grandpa’s by the door and Big Brother and Little Brother are just outside the nest, and Loud Sister and New Brother and Big Brother’s mate are all here too, so . . . 

So once Alpha’s here, then everything will be perfect. 

“He’s purring again,” New Brother mutters. “I literally did not even know he was physically capable of making that sound.” 

“Capable of making it to motorcycle-shaming levels, apparently,” Loud Sister says with a laugh. “Damn, Jason.” 

Jason doesn’t know what she’s talking about, but he isn’t worried about it. If it’s important, someone will take care of it. 

Everyone’s here, so of course someone will. 

“Silence, all of you,” Pup Brother grumbles, sounding long-suffering but staying settled secure in Jason’s arms, which is good. Definitely. He should be there right now. 

Jason nuzzles him some more, for obvious reasons, and then just concentrates on letting his pheromones spread through the room. His nest already smells like the pack and so does the den, obviously, but it doesn’t smell like pup-is-coming. 

It needs to, obviously. 

Someone’s purring. It’s not Pup Brother, but Jason’s not sure who else could be. 

Well, it doesn’t matter, really. 

Some of the others talk about some things, their voices soft and quiet. Jason doesn’t worry about it. It’s just little stuff, like patrol schedules and classes and appointments. Normal little things for a pack to talk about, and easy to settle into the background as white noise while he lets his pheromones fill up the room and makes sure Pup Brother’s eaten. 

He eats some of the apple slices and peanut butter, himself. The pup needs to eat too. 

It’s the same cheap, shitty store brand that he used to insist on as a pup himself. 

.

.

.

“ETA five minutes,” Big Brother’s mate says eventually, looking at her phone. Jason’s not sure what she’s talking about, but isn’t worried about that either. If it’s important, someone will tell him. Or handle it. Or both. 

All he has to do right now is wait for Alpha to get here, and then everything will be fine. 

Everything will be perfect, actually, once Alpha gets here. 

The others talk a little more. Their voices are still soft and quiet, so Jason still doesn’t worry about it. He just stays curled up around Pup Brother and in Quiet Sister’s arms, letting his pheromones fill up the den with bred and home-safe and all the usual things that are usually part of presenting a pup to the pack. 

It’s nice. The . . . being here. It’s nice. He missed it here. 

He wonders why he missed it so bad. Has it been that long, or . . . ? 

He just missed it, he guesses. 

But now he’s here, so he doesn’t have to miss it anymore. 

Grandpa turns his head towards the door and pushes himself up out of his chair. Jason whines in distress. Is he leaving? Why’s he leaving? 

“I’ll just be a moment, my boy,” Grandpa assures him, and Jason settles, a little. If Grandpa says he’ll be just a moment, then he means it. 

Grandpa steps out into the foyer again and everyone else goes quiet all at once, and Jason realizes–oh. The front door just opened, didn’t it. He doesn’t hear footsteps, though. 

. . . does that mean . . . ? 

“Alfred?” Alpha says from the foyer, sounding just barely concerned, and something in Jason vibrates at the sound of his voice. “What’s going on?” 

“Is someone purring?” Alpha’s mate asks curiously. 

“Master Jason came home, Master Bruce,” Grandpa says. 

“. . . he what?” Alpha says, his voice sounding–strange, just a bit. Jason isn’t sure why it does, but feels . . . 

“Just–the living room, Master Bruce,” Grandpa says. “You should come and see for yourself.” 

Grandpa steps back into view of the doorway, and Jason still feels unsettled and just a little bit uncertain, and isn’t sure if–

Then Alpha steps into view too, Alpha’s mate right behind him, and Jason forgets everything else and purrs. 

Alpha’s home. Alpha came this time. Alpha came for him this time. 

That’s all he ever wanted him to do. 

Alpha stares. He looks around the room just briefly, because it’s Alpha so of course he does–but then he stares. 

“Jason?” he says, and Jason purrs louder. 

Alpha came. 

“He’s, you know–definitely feral-brained right now, obviously,” Little Brother says, gesturing sheepishly. Jason wonders who he’s talking about, idly, but isn’t really worried about it. “Kinda just showed up and let himself in, and then, uh . . . well, he’s, uh, presented to Alfred and Dick so far and was teaching Damian how to nest, so . . .” 

“He did?” Alpha’s voice sounds a little–choked, maybe. Jason wonders why. 

He’s still over in the doorway, for some reason. Jason wonders why that’s a thing too. 

Alpha should know he’s allowed in the room, after all. 

“Alpha,” he hums, loosening his grip on Pup Brother just enough to half-reach for Alpha. What’s taking him so long over there, anyway?

It’s dumb. 

“Jaylad,” Alpha says tightly, half-taking a step forward and then–stopping, for some reason, just outside the doorway. Gripping one side of it, but not coming through it. 

Dumb, Jason thinks, and furrows his brow impatiently. 

“Alpha,” he insists, smacking the side of the nest once. 

Really, really dumb. 

“He accepted clothes with your scent, so . . .” Big Brother trails off. 

“And a blanket with it, as well,” Grandpa puts in. “He used it on a foundational layer of the nest.” 

“Ah,” Alpha says roughly, tightening his grip on the doorframe. 

“Don’t hover, Father, Todd clearly expects your presence,” Pup Brother says in exasperation, which is much more useful. Jason purrs appreciatively and nuzzles him, and Pup Brother sighs in aggravation, but doesn’t try to squirm away or anything. 

Good, Jason thinks, and nuzzles him harder. 

Pup Brother rolls his eyes and sighs. 

Alpha finally steps into the room, which is a start. Jason reaches towards him again with another, deeper purr. 

Alpha . . . swallows, visibly, and then comes over to the nest; kneels down outside it beside Big Brother. 

Close enough, Jason figures lazily, and catches Alpha’s wrist to drag his hand to his own stomach. He’s not wearing body armor, but it’s fine. It’s Alpha. 

It’s . . . 

“Present, Dad,” he hums, letting his eyes close again. Alpha makes a very tight noise, and his hand presses in very, very gently against Jason’s stomach. 

And the pup, obviously. 

“Jaylad,” Alpha says, cracked and hoarse. Jason hums back contentedly, squeezing Alpha’s wrist once. 

Good. That’s everybody, then. 

Good, yeah. 

“Who’s the sire?” Alpha’s mate asks curiously from the doorway, leaning against the frame. She hasn’t come in yet. Jason should probably tell her it’s fine, but he’s a little . . . distracted, maybe. Distracted. Yeah. 

Mmm. 

“He says either Kori or Roy, so we’re not technically sure, but the suspect list is pretty short,” Big Brother says, and Alpha’s mate laughs. 

“Could be both,” she points out teasingly. “Think you could handle double grandkittens, Bruce?” 

“More concerned about the risk of having Oliver Queen for an in-law, thanks,” Alpha says dryly, letting out a rough little noise that isn’t quite a laugh and curling his fingers gently against Jason’s stomach. His eyes are kind of shiny, Jason notes when his own half-open again for a moment. It’s . . . weird, a little. 

The shiny, he means, though he’s not really sure why. 

“Jason might’ve mentioned that they both offered to mate him, so yeah, that is in fact a concern,” Big Brother confirms with a laugh of his own. “But pretty sure Kori and Roy don’t know about the pup yet. Even if he managed to slip ‘em, there’s no way I wouldn’t have heard from either of them by now if they were trying to find him while they knew he was bred.” 

Jason huffs, because what does Big Brother mean “managed” to slip them? He could absolutely lose them whenever and wherever he felt like it. And anyway, he texted them earlier. So it’s not like they don’t know where he is. 

. . . or didn’t extrapolate where he is, anyway. But whatever, same difference. 

“Ah,” Alpha says again, and swallows again too. Jason rolls his head back enough to peer up at him a little closer, not really sure what’s going on with him. Hm. 

Well. He’s here. That’s all that really matters, really. 

Except . . . 

“Alpha?” he says again, not sure if . . . Alpha hasn’t taken his hand off his stomach, but he doesn’t seem–happy, really. Or pleased. Or . . . anything like that. Jason’s not . . . sure, exactly. 

Alpha’s hand presses in a little firmer against Jason’s stomach. Not too firm–not too much. But like . . . comfortably firm. If that makes sense, or whatever. 

It feels nice, and Jason relaxes a little. Okay. That’s–better, he thinks. Right? 

Alpha’s here, so . . . it’s better, yeah. 

And it means he’s doing alright. He’s being a good omega. He brought home a good pup to present to the pack–good pups, maybe, if he’s lucky. Alpha will like that, right? If it’s more than one pup? 

Any pup would be good, he thinks. Kori and Roy are both good sires. Lian’s great, for one. And Roy and Kori are great too. Just–definitely, yes. They’re gonna be such a good pup. 

Even with–him in them, they’ll be a good pup. 

He thinks so, anyway. They’ll have . . . better things than he did. They’ll be safer. 

Won’t ever end up alone in an alley without a pack or alone on a warehouse floor with no backup coming. 

Won’t ever doubt who actually loves them. 

Alpha makes a strange, choked noise. Jason doesn’t know why, really. Someone’s purring really loud, but he doesn’t know who it is. Not Pup Brother, and there aren’t any other omegas in the pack, so . . . 

Hm. Weird, yeah. 

Well, everyone’s here, so he’s not worried about it anyway. He’s being a good omega, and he brought his pup home to present. Grandpa and Big Brother were happy about it, and everybody else is here and settled in and safe. That’s all that matters, really. 

As long as Alpha’s happy about the pup too, anyway. And Alpha’s hand is still on his stomach, and Alpha’s still next to the nest, so . . . yeah. That means he is, right? 

So it’s good. Yeah. 

The purring gets louder. Jason nuzzles Pup Brother’s hair and melts under Alpha’s hand and in Quiet Sister’s arms. 

It’s definitely good. 

Nice. 

“Jason,” Alpha says tightly, and Jason cracks an eye open to look at him again. He doesn’t really remember when he closed them, but it’s not really important or anything. 

Alpha has a hand half-over his face, and his head’s ducked down. Jason blinks sleepily, tilting his own head to peer up at him again, but can’t really see his expression. He squeezes the hand he has around Alpha’s wrist; a little bit absent, a little bit like a reflex. He missed Alpha so much. 

The purring’s gotten really loud. 

“You’re home,” Alpha says. 

Jason wonders why Alpha says it like that. Like it’s a surprise or something. 

Like he’d ever bring his pup anywhere else. 

“Yeah,” he hums anyway, because he is home, and lets himself finally, finally fully relax into the nest. Quiet Sister makes a soft, acknowledging sound and winds her arms tighter around him, and Alpha's hand stays resting on his stomach. Pup Brother grumbles some disparaging things in Arabic, but settles in his arms. 

The purring is really loud now, but Jason doesn't mind. 

“Selina, please call Harley and Ivy,” Alpha says. “I need a favor tonight.” 

“What favor?” Alpha's mate asks curiously, though Jason can already hear the little rustle of her pulling her phone out of her pocket. 

“Them answering the Batsignal if anyone hits it,” Alpha says. “Kate's out of town ‘til Friday and Gotham can handle them for one night.” 

“I really don't think it can, but alright,” Alpha's mate says, sounding amused. 

“Can survive them for one night, at least,” Alpha amends. “And if the Justice League needs anything from me in the next ten to twelve hours, well, that's their problem to solve. I’m not going out tonight.” 

Jason, idly, wonders why Alpha’s staying in, but it's nice to hear anyway. If Alpha's gonna be home for that long, well . . . 

He can sleep a lot better, if Alpha's gonna be here. 

That’s good, because the pup needs him to sleep. 

So he tunes out the pack’s quiet voices as they all keep talking, and he sleeps. 

.

.

.

Jason wakes up to pale early-morning light in a disoriented snap of sudden adrenaline and clocks: soft surface. Sleeping bodies. Someone on either side of him and other presences close by and a room that smells like– 

Fuck, did he drunk-dial the Bat pack? 

Fuck. 

Even Tim’s asleep on the edge of the nest that Jason is inexplicably in. Like, all curled up and hugging his laptop like a teddy bear, but definitely asleep. And Dick’s on the other side of the thing, and that’s Cass pressed up against his back and–is Damian hugging him? In his sleep? Without a visible knife in hand?! 

Jason might’ve fallen into an alternate reality again. Fallen very, very far into an alternate reality. 

At least hopefully, anyway, because if this is his reality, he’s gonna have to deal with whatever the fuck happened last night, and whoever even built this nest that smells like the whole damn Wayne pack and slopes like–like Catherine’s always used to, like . . . like his mom’s always . . . 

Fuck. This is his nest, isn’t it. This is exactly how he builds the damn things every time he fucks up enough to go feral. And he definitely went feral, because he doesn’t remember a thing about last night after accidentally ending up at the manor like an idiot, except–wait, no, shit, now he is remembering things about last night, and they’re all fucking mortifying. 

Fuck. 

Jason needs to get out of here. He has no idea why anybody humored him taking over the living room like he thought he–like he actually–

He needs to get out of here, because the moment somebody wakes up and tells him he needs to leave or, worse, pities him enough to not tell him he needs to leave, he’s gonna lose his entire damn mind. If he just–

Cass’s fingers flex against his chest, very briefly, and he nearly panics. 

Of fucking course he couldn’t wake up in Cass’s arms unnoticed. 

“Jason,” she says quietly, and then Jason is officially fucked, because nobody in this room is gonna sleep through someone actually speaking. 

Why the hell couldn’t she at least have signed it? Why the hell couldn’t–

And then he registers that Bruce is in the room. 

Everyone else wakes up at the sound of Cass’s voice saying his name at the exact same moment that Jason freezes at recognizing Bruce’s scent. 

Bruce’s–Bruce’s . . . sire scent. Not on him, but . . . but still here. Still in the room. 

Jason hasn’t been this close to Bruce’s sire scent since– 

He’s not going to think about that. 

He’s definitely not going to think about that. Not ever. Not for anything. Not–

( he’d scrubbed it off so ANGRILY, that last time; so angry and betrayed and– 

he’d regretted that, on the warehouse floor. he wouldn’t have been able to smell it through the scent blockers in Robin’s suit anyway, couldn’t have stripped them off while all tied-up and bleeding out, WOULDN’T have stripped them off with any chance of that fucking bastard clown coming back, but–but–

but he’d regretted– )

Jason isn’t thinking about that. 

Bruce sits up along the sloped side of his nest, just outside it. Or–almost outside it. Almost. 

Bruce has an arm extended half-into Jason’s nest, which was deliberate, obviously. Bruce never does a damn fucking thing that isn’t deliberate. Not ever. 

Not a thing, Jason thinks, remembering everything every single awful bastard in Gotham ever survived and the batarang scar on his own neck. 

But Jason can’t even hate the asshole for reaching into his nest uninvited like that; can’t even curse him out or shove him out. He can’t, because–because he’s the one with his fingers hooked into the cuff of Bruce’s rolled-up sleeve with the hand of the arm he has draped over Damian. He’s the one holding onto him. 

So it’s not Bruce who was deliberate about this. It was Jason’s own stupid, stupid feral-brained stupid self, who thought–who thinks– 

Who always thinks–

Bruce isn’t his pack alpha. Bruce isn’t his sire. 

Bruce isn’t his fucking dad.

Bruce’s arm is in his nest, laid down the sloped side of it, and he smells the most like home that anyone’s smelled to him since his mom died in a nest built just like this one.

[myfairkatiecat]

Okay! Let's do this. (settles in and prepares for very long read)

OK THIS IS ONLY PART ONE. This goes through the end of Neverseen.

I'll finish the second half at some point I promise! Just wanted to put at least this much out there and give stria time to go back to liking me before i publish the next part

Oh and by the way. This is all in good faith, or at least it's meant to be. You said we could debate and I love debating. I also happen to be a lover of Keefe's character (but NOT an apologist for all of his actions). And if I misinterpret anything you say call me out on it immediately!

**note from Katie who finished writing this half: OK I MIGHT HAVE GOTTTEN OCCASIONALLY A BIT MAD. In my defense I love Keefe and you hate him, so.

I think my argument here ultimately amounts to: Keefe is a good character, in my opinion. I like him. You don't. You don't have to like him. All this stuff you've written is free to be a reason you don't like him, but you present a significant amount of it as objective reasons that everyone should agree with, and I feel like absolutely nothing on this list actually warrants everyone banding together to hate him. It can be a you thing or an anyone else thing, but these aren't "reasons to dislike keefe" but rather "reasons I dislike keefe + some unsympathetic readings of his dialogue because I dislike him". (As you can tell, post-writing-this Katie is more fired up than pre-writing-this Katie, but I'm sure you can relate and forgive that.)

REFERENCING THIS IMPORTANT LEGAL DOCUMENT:

So yeah! Here's some tags @lilliesandlight @ramblings-of-lola @permanently-stressed @doodle-do-wop @milo-igidk @lotusishere

Book 1 Arguments

Your first point has to do with Keefe bragging about his looks almost immediately, as well as the way the initial writing sorta pushes the whole "bad boy" thing. I mean, I can't force you to like that trope obviously or make you not cringe, and I'm not going to try cause it's your right to feel that way, but also consider: I take the opening scene as Keefe attempting to make the first impression he always tries to make. He is pushing the whole "bad boy" thing pretty hard, and he's doing it smooth enough that Sophie buys right into it, because it's an important part of Keefe's character that he hides behind that facade. I know that isn't ever explicitly addressed with this particular scene in canon, but it is addressed in others. While it's more often addressed in the fandom, it is the case in canon that Keefe uses his image to hide what he's feeling and keep people from looking deeper into who he is and what he's struggling with, which is addressed most specifically in his Unlocked memory logs.

"He clearly wasn’t going to let it go" and your commentary on that are valid. I mean in this case, he knew it didn't matter, she knew it didn't matter, and no one thought it was that deep, but you aren't wrong about this becoming a character flaw of his. And you know what? I'm going to leave it there. I'm not even going to say it's not a character flaw. It just doesn't particularly make me dislike his character, but that's a personal thing.

The sexism stuff I'm gonna skip by because you're totally correct and it's soooo annoying in the first book. Like, it's not even a Keefe thing, it's an every single boy in that book thing and it drives me insane, and I don't think it really has anything to do with his character since it pretty much vanishes after the first book where pretty much everyone was sexist.

[“‘Aw, don’t go getting good at alchemy, Foster.’” Again, this is completely subjective, but I find the way he calls Sophie by her last name to be a cheap trick to make him seem funnier and cooler. Which, in my humble opinion, it doesn’t.] I mean, yeah, that is subjective, and I don't think it's really fair to Keefe's character to make judgements on the reasons he calls Sophie by her last name. I never thought it made him seem funnier or cooler, but I don't think it was really meant to. I've personally always interpreted it as Keefe attempting to distance himself from her slightly because he liked her when he first saw her, but that is way into personal headcanon territory, so I digress. I think even if Keefe using her last name is supposed to make him sound cooler, I'd like to point out that he's a fourteen-year-old sad art boy trying to seem cool for attention he doesn't get at home, so it doesn't seem far off base to me. I think that interpretation is actually more fascinating for his character than my cute little sokeefe-related headcanon. Either way, I think deciding it's just a choice by Shannon to make him seem cool is both an unfair snap interpretation of the author's motives without any reasoning and also takes out of it any possibility of it actually being a part of his character in an interesting way, which I would argue it is.

[Why is it that everytime an author wants to make a guy “cool”, they just make him wink so much you’d believe he has an eye twitching disorder???] Again, I think this kind of assumes lazy writing by Shannon instead of interpreting his character within the universe, so I'm going to try to tackle this from an in-universe standpoint. I don't think Shannon is necessarily trying to make Keefe seem cool (I mean. She could be. But given that only a few chapters after we meet him we find out his life at home sucks, I think she was always going for the whole facade-covering-up-what-he's-really-dealing-with thing), but Keefe is definitely trying to make Keefe seem cool. Again, he relies on that image. Random winking when he takes Sophie's hand is probably would I would do if I was trying to seem as cool as possible, which it's totally canon that Keefe starts doing starting after his level two midterms.

[“‘It’s almost too easy to annoy you, you know that?’” The thing about Keefe is that he doesn’t just joke around. He usually jokes around with the intention to annoy or embarrass someone.] I think this might genuinely be an overanalysis of that line. Keefe's not trying to say "I really like making you feel uncomfortable" but rather "I think teasing you is really fun." Like... that's the type of stuff my little brother says. As a person who gets annoyed pretty easily by teasing, in real life I'd probably ask him seriously to stop (not jokingly) and I'm guessing based on what we know of his character he would. I'm not saying he's Awesome and Super Great with Boundaries, but I think the biggest thing to notice in his teasing of Sophie is that it doesn't genuinely bother her. She's more like, "*endearing groan* he's so annoying *eye roll*" than "okay he's genuinely irritating me and won't stop," and when Keefe notices Sophie getting genuinely upset about things, he usually feels it in her emotions and switches over to concern pretty quickly. I think it's a common event in the books, actually, that Keefe is like, "okay, whoa, that was a lot of worry I just got there, Foster," and immediately wants to make sure she's okay.

As for Keefe winking at Sophie for the entire detention, I refer you to my paragraph above about this loser trying to seem like the Coolest Bad Boy on the Planet as a character device rather than a lazy writing choice.

As for Keefe grabbing the present out of Sophie's hands and reading out the note, yeah, that's a Thing He Shouldn't Have Done. I get why it's in the essay, but I also want to point out that you could probably make 75 pages in google docs of Things Sophie Shouldn't Have Done or Things Fitz Shouldn't Have Done just because characters, like people, do things they shouldn't do. (I use those two characters as examples not to make this a love triangle thing, but just because they're present in the series often enough that you could really compile a list of all their good and bad qualities.) So like, yes, this is not a good thing to do, but Keefe's also a fourteen year old and it feels a little :/ to decide you don't like his character at all because sometimes he does things akin to taking something out of someone's hands and read it out.

And here we are with Keefe and his empathy! YES! EMPATHY NEEDS RESTRICTIONS! But Keefe has also been taught his entire life that it doesn't, so I'm not surprised his immaturity (once again gonna point out that he's. 14) manifests in this way. I mean... a lot of fourteen-year-olds are gossips who would jump at the change to learn information they have no business knowing about their friends. I'm not saying it's not a character flaw, but I'm saying that it's just that: a character flaw, which I'm pretty sure good characters are supposed to have. I also think the way this might have developed (ignore my little Keefe overanalysis tangent if you'd like here, since it's only half relevant) is that since Lord Cassius is an Empath who obviously had no real boundaries with his son and constantly would grab his wrist to make sure he was telling the truth or check what he was feeling, Keefe has a really skewed version of what's normal regarding empathy. It's not that he thinks his dad is a good guy, but he doesn't really have any way of knowing which of his dad's actions are his dad being a bad person and which of them are normal things. To tie this back into the point, I think it's part of what makes Keefe a really interesting character (to me) that most of his character flaws stem from things we know about his childhood. It's not just that Shannon writes him sometimes doing things he shouldn't do, but that with all his character lore, it's actually really clear where his specific negative character traits stemmed from!

[“He’d hardly looked at her gift when he opened it, too distracted by the tunic Keefe gave him, which had I know what you’re thinking—and you should be ashamed of yourself embroidered across the front.” I will give credit where credit is due, though. This was cute as hell. But it also makes me frustrated, because it shows that Keefe can be a good friend if he tries. It’s not like he straight-up doesn’t know how to. He just doesn’t. Which is arguably worse.] Okay, so... here I'm going to get a little... I don't know how to describe it, but the nature of this argument... it's a little selective-reading-ish? I know this rant is specifically about Keefe and I know that you clarified that, but I want to point out here that this is actually an instance of Fitz not being a great friend to Sophie. Wait wait wait! Before you get upset with me and say that isn't relevant, let me also say this: there are lots of moments where Fitz is a very good friend. But in this moment, he isn't. And there are other moments where he isn't a good friend, too! So now back to Keefe. Because he was a better friend in this moment than he is during other moments in the book, should we just assume that he's good at being a friend and sometimes just chooses not to? No! Not any more than we should assume Fitz is just choosing to be a bad friend in this moment to Sophie by ignoring her thoughtful present entirely and focusing only on Keefe's. I see... teenagers having good and bad moments. That's not not really a fair way to judge someone as a person or as a character. Sincerely, a teenager who has good and bad moments

THE "You're my hero" LINE IS DEFINITELY IN MY BRAIN BELIEVE ME. As a Keefe Sencen lover who finds nearly all aspects of his character fascinating and also believes that deep down he's a really good person with a lot of issues stemming from external things and events from his childhood, yes, I see this line, believe me. And I think it's another one of those things where Keefe sort of wants to seem as bad as possible. It's an attention thing. With the way he talks about all the girls wanting him and making comments like this about how one day he wants to be cheating on three girls at once, you'd think he's somewhat of a player, right? I mean at this point he's definitely old enough to have at least had a girlfriend, and he has no shortage of Foxfire girls at his feet. But as we find out much later in the series... he really wasn't. He'd never even kissed a girl before. And this shocks Sophie. I'm pretty sure she said something like, "Seriously? You?" because that's not how Keefe presents himself at all. Yes, he's fourteen, which is a perfectly normal time to have never kissed anyone before as you have said, but the fourteen-year-olds who say shit like this absolutely have. But Keefe is obviously very, very different from the way he presents himself. I'm not saying it's cool of him to present himself that way, but I also think there are a lot of character-specific reasons he does that. And yes, I think it's relevant that there are reasons, because one of the things you clarified about this essay is that it's both things you don't like about him as a person and about him as a character, and this is one of those things that I think are actually really interesting about him as a character regardless of whether you like those traits on him as a person. (I've also always been very open about the fact that Keefe's character flaws and their roots are like, half the reason I'm so obsessed with his character.)

[“‘All right, enough girly drama,’ Keefe said, shoving his way in. ‘I was part of the rescue too, remember? I’m the one who knew the tree you told Fitz about was the Four Seasons Tree, so if it weren’t for me . . . ’” How self-centered do you have to be to make the rescue about yourself??? Like, my guy. Have some self-awareness. Also, acting like Biana apologizing is just “girly drama” instead of a very real emotional moment is so, so degrading (and misogynistic, yippee). Disgusting behavior (which I wouldn’t mind if he ever apologized for it and showed some development, but it’s Keefe, so he never does, of course).] Uh... I don't like the last part of your commentary there, considering you cut your cited block of text short right before the part where Keefe realizes he's probably gone too far and backs off. Like. Shannon's commentary notes on this scene in the annotated edition are like "I wanted to use this scene as an example of a time Keefe realizes his joking has gone too far." And Sophie intentionally communicates to him silently that it's okay and she isn't upset with him. Like. Sure the apology/forgiveness were entirely implied in facial expressions, BUT SHANNON WROTE IT DOWN FOR A REASON!!!! As for the sexism thing, I largely ignore that in this book, from everyone, because I think that was just Shannon writing boys in 2012.

Keefe laughs at Sophie sleeping with a stuffed animal not in a mean way? He does the same thing when Fitz gets a stuffed animal, and totally flaunts how cool he thinks his stuffed animal is when he gets one. It's joking teasing and it obviously doesn't bother Sophie in this scene, since she just ignores it instead of being like "wow what a jerk, wish he wouldn't laugh at me and my stuffed animal." Once again I want to point out that teasing in such a manner is a very normal thing. My dad and brother do it a ton in this manner. Now, I, Katie, DO NOT LIKE IT, it annoys the CRAP OUT OF ME and I ask them to stop all the time. But calling my brother and father bad people for those things is a major stretch. And here we're talking about Keefe's comments towards someone who takes all of it in stride. Honestly, the question to ask here is why Shannon wrote an entire friend group of characters who are largely ok with Keefe's needling in the ways that actually matter.

Exile Arguments

[“‘Hey, a guy’s gotta look his best for the ladies.’ Keefe patted the back of his head. ‘Right, Foster?’” Ah, Keefe’s trademark cringily atrocious “humor” starts again.] Okay I'm not gonna lie, I'm starting to be confused by your beef with a 14-year-old's humor in a middle grade series. I've never found a 14-year-old boy funny in my life. I'm not sure why that makes him a bad character. If anything, it makes him realistic. Also, aside from this playing into the image he's crafting for himself, this is actually one of those scenes that shows a shift away from the sexism of the first book, because when Alden shows up with Keefe and Biana and says that someone took too long doing their hair, it sort of seems initially like he means his daughter, Biana, but no, it was Keefe, trying to impress his crush, and revealing this fact with a dorky, unimpressive comment, as 14-year-old boys do. AGAIN. IF YOU DON'T WANT HUMOR TARGETED AT CHILDREN. MAYBE READ ANOTHER BOOK. MAY I SUGGEST ONE THAT ISN'T FOR CHILDREN

As far as Keefe usually being the one to react to the jokes Shannon makes in the series, I agree that it's probably the case that Shannon could lay off of it, but I'd also be really surprised of our dorky snickering boy wasn't always laughing every time something mildly funny happened. I mean it could get a little frustrating as the audience I suppose? I've never been bothered but that's a preference thing.

[“‘Lame. I vote for The Unstoppable Team Keefe! Or Team Foster-Keefe if you’re one of those egomaniacs who needs your name in there. I can share some credit.’” Ah, here we start with Keefe’s list of atrocious nicknames for things. It’s one of my least favorite aspects of the way Shannon writes “humor”.] Once again kinda surprised by how much a teenage boy acting like a teenage boy bothers you. He's actually way more accurate of a high school boy characterization than Fitz, if I do say so myself. Sincerely, someone who was recently in high school. Oh, I also think it's one of those things that points out that Keefe is actually younger than Fitz despite being in the same grade. Finding Keefe's naming tendencies grating, by the way, I don't think says anything about his character at all, whether he's a good person or a well-written character. I think he can still be both things no matter whether or not your find his humor funny. You aren't obligated to like him, but like, reeeeally? This is going on the same list we're putting "invading people's privacy with his empathy" on?

[“‘I’m not talking about anyone. I’m talking about you. And I know you’re up to something. I can feel it.’ He grabbed her hand, sucking in a slow breath as the crease between his brows relaxed. ‘I can feel your hope. It’s not much—but it’s there. And there has to be a reason for it. Besides—you’re going to need my help. Who knows the Vackers better than me?’”] This scene is so cute what?? "I can feel your hope. It's not much, but it's there" that's so sweet. I think he only grabs her hand for emphasis, showing her that he knows she's feeling hopeful (which is actually adorable) because I'd like to point out that, with Sophie, he doesn't have to try to read her emotions. He just knows. Also, I think the thing about forcing himself into the situation when she didn't actually need his help is a little insensitive to Keefe in this moment, not gonna lie. Like... Alden was a father figure to him. And for some reason, he can tell, without trying, that Sophie actually has hope about the situation. So he knows there's a way that Alden might be able to be saved. Do you know how insane that must feel in that moment? After attending the funeral of a really important mentor figure, you find out that he might not actually be dead (which is a good real-life equivalent here, I think)? Regardless of whether or not my help is actually needed, I know I'd want to be there! I don't think Keefe is manipulating to get his way or anything in this scene--and if he is in some small way, uh, I think he's, you know. Trying to be there for the thing where his father figure who he just went to a funeral for might actually turn out being okay.

[“‘It’s a date, Foster!’ Keefe shouted, turning every head in the corridor and making her grit her teeth so hard her jaw hurt. ‘Looking forward to it.’” Keefe stop humiliating Sophie in front of everyone challenge.] Fandom stop using Keefe's realistic and consistent character flaws as reasons to hate his character challenge. At the risk of sounding like a broken record... I mean seriously, I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying every single character could have a list of their worst moments made, and a long list would probably be a pretty solid sign that they're a complex character, rather than a bad one. Like I'm being so fr right now, SPECIFICALLY this is one of those things Keefe is kinda bad with throughout the series.

The next point is that he's whiny, which I'm going to skip with no further commentary than "he is a kid" and leave it at that. I don't want to sound like a broken record. Like genuinely read a YA novel at this point

[“He reached out and brushed Grady’s arm. ‘Whoa—that is some serious tension radiating off of you. Is it that bad?’” Again, here we see an example of Keefe breaching boundaries and using his ability to get people to tell him things they aren’t comfortable telling him. If Keefe was a Telepath, this would be breaking the law. In case you care.] Hey throwing out there again that he's not a telepath and there's not a law against it. Yes ethics and morals aside from the law are A Thing but where the hell would Keefe be learning any of that? regarding empathy I mean? I do think he needs better boundaries (love writing about it!) (i really love his consistent character fl--oh look it's that stupid broken record again) but it seems VERY understandable that someone who has never been taught that you need permission for an empathy reading ever and is also a kid and also grew up with a father who probably grabbed his wrist whenever he suspected him of literally anything would have boundary issues in this area. Once again this an example of Keefe being a product of his circumstances--A VERY INTERESTING WAY TO WRITE A CHARACTER.

[“‘Is that a diary?’ Keefe asked as Sandor handed her the sparkly journal. He tried to snatch it, but Sophie yanked it away just in time.” I- I don't even have the words to describe how atrocious this behavior is.] Feel free to "objection speculation" me but I feel like he was kidding here and wouldn't have read anything she seriously told him not to. This is the type of jokes my friends and I like to make. you know. "oh you got a text from who??" *attempts to look over shoulder* that type of stuff. So either Keefe is lacking boundaries again, something I've explained rather than disputed (and also something that doesn't inherently make someone a bad character? again i feel like we're talking about him as a character right now? not even as a person?) or he straight up wasn't going to do this, which makes his behavior here very normal and consistent with how teens in friend groups act.

[“‘Should’ve figured it would have something to do with a boy.’ ‘I was five, Keefe.’ ‘What, and cute boys didn’t exist when you were five? Well, it’s true you hadn’t met me yet, but . . . ’” Ah, Keefe’s trademark cringy-ass flirtation starts. For the record, I think this might be my least favorite aspect of Keefe’s “humor”. I don’t tend to like characters that go on about how good-looking they are. I just find it so incredibly cringy and tone-deaf. But that’s just my opinion.] lmao i joke this way and that sure is your opinion. "we're the two hottest girls on this beach" - me. If it's not your cup of tea it says NOTHING about keefe's character

[“‘Now we know they still have the pages. So we just have to figure out a way to steal them back.’” Ah yes, Keefe’s straight-up stupidity, which isn't quite my least favorite quality of his, but is the most frustrating. He’s really, really stupid if he thinks he can just. Track down the Black Swan and steal the pages back from the infinite amount of places they could be.] Child: "here's the obvious simple thing we could do to fix this problem!" Adult: "you're so stupid, it's not that easy what's wrong with you" ?????? Keefe isn't even the only kotlc character who does this so like? hm?

[“‘Hey, Captain Mood Swing,’ Keefe said, gently grabbing her arm.” Keefe’s cringy sense of nicknaming humor continues.] The thirteen-year-olds who like it are banding together to throw you off the map right now. Like I'm not gonna lie the naming humor isn't my cup of tea either but I'm also aware that I'm a college student reading a series for kids.

[“‘It’s just a theory right now—I need to think it through.’ ‘You mean we,” Keefe said, hooking his arm through hers. “We need to think it through. Team Foster-Keefe!’” Keefe stop forcing yourself into Sophie’s personal business challenge.] Feel like if literally anyone else said this it would be interpeted as them kindly prodding Sophie to accept help from her friends instead of forcing herself to go off on her own. That's literally intentionally developed throughout the series, so idk why you're coming after Keefe for this. "How dare he not let his friend drive herself crazy trying to think over a crazy problem all by herself!" is kinda what that sounds like. Keefe isn't always great but in this scene he was a pretty good friend. Sophie doesn't get enough sleep as it is and she definitely doesn't get things done when she's working alone. He's 100% right here and I doubt you'd react this way if fitz or biana or dex said the exactly same thing in the exact same words. You just don't like Keefe.

[“‘So, let me get this straight,’ Keefe said when Sophie was done explaining the new plan. ‘We don’t know where we’re going, or how long it’s going to take us to get there, and we’re flying to meet the Black Swan—who may or may not be evil murderers—and this whole thing could be a trap?’ [ . . . ] ‘Awesome! ’Bout time this project got a bit more exciting.’” Keefe is so fucking tone-deaf. He learns they need to go meet the Black Swan (who at that point they thought were maybe-murderers) to heal Sophie and that’s what he says? Wow. Real upstanding guy. It really just shows how he thinks this whole thing is a game, not a serious issue. (Yes, I know he later says that his jokes are a mask and that he does care and see the seriousness in an issue, however that doesn’t change the fact that his jokes are just straight-up insensitive to the people around him.)] Your last sentence there encapsulates the whole thing. Like. Yes. The jokes are a mask. For the most part Sophie usually appreciates some of the comedic relief. When she feels like he's making things into a joke and she isn't chill with it SHE LITERALLY TELLS HIM. THAT'S A THING THAT HAPPENS. So we can infer that when she doesn't, it's not an issue. And if others are annoyed with it, they have every right to be, but I also want to point out that I've never made the argument that everything Keefe says or does was the Right Thing, just that it's consistent with his character and clearly written intentionally by Shannon to showcase his development. The fact that he's bad at reading a room feels... *flips through a book of keefe's entire life up to this point* very understandable for his character actually (<-the argument I've been making this whole time. the only argument i've ever made, really)

[“‘Of course I told them. Sheesh—you act like I’m some sort of troublemaker.’ He winked.” Take a shot everytime Keefe winks. You won’t even make it through half the series. It highlights another issue I have with Keefe. He thinks he’s so cool. With the swagger and the winking and the hair and the clothes, he tries way too hard to be ““““““cool””””””.] He sure does and sure isn't! Astute observation. Please point to the part where that makes him a bad character, seeing as I wrote this in my DEFENSE of him like a few paragraphs up.

[It just doesn't feel like something anyone would ever do in real life.] ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? I want to say something mean about your experience interacting with other people right now but in the interest of the fact that I actually like you the rest of the time I'm gonna move on

[“‘No—for the millionth time. You’ll know when we are because we’ll stop flying.’ ‘Okay, that’s how I’ll know when we’re there. But how are you going to know?’” Another example of Keefe being intentionally annoying, and another example of Keefe being so stupid you have to wonder if his abusive parents dropped him on his head as a child.] I'm confused is that not like. A normal question. A very good question, actually. They're surrounded by ocean on all sides and everything is disguised with the black swan. Keefe is hundreds of feet in the air on a flying horse's back with Sophie, who is the one who from his point of view knows what's going on here, and he just wants to know what the plan is. Yeah I don't see the gripe

[Have to say, I love how annoyed Sophie is by Keefe in Exile. Everytime she is forced to involve him, she expresses visible annoyance. Wish that carried through the entire series.] Exile is in fact one of the books where sophie expresses genuine dislike for a lot of keefe's mannerisms. This fades as the series progresses, so I can't tell whether your issue here is with a lack of character development or the fact that character development happened. Their relationship changed and developed and Sophie finds him a lot more endearing in later books. When she's mad at him she yells at him. two people who have a relationship whether it's romantic or platonic or whatever. seems pretty standard

yes he admits that he uses jokes to cope, yes this is still a part of his character, yes the fact that you don't find it funny still doesn't mean anything about the series or the character

[“‘You don’t have to be. I meant what I told Sandor. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.’” How chivalrous. And how exactly is he going to do that? By being stupid at the kidnappers? Just the fact that Keefe thinks that he can protect Sophie shows how unprepared he is.] holy crap you really have an issue with keefe attempting to be nice. Yes this isn't fully within his power but the fact that he wants to protect her is pretty sweet? Yes he's overwhelmingly reckless and isn't a fantastic strategist but at this point the amount of "wow he's so dumb" just feels like bullying.

[“He leaned back, taking his warmth with him. But at least she felt like she could breathe again.” Yep, Sophie literally felt like she couldn’t breathe because Keefe was all up in her personal space.] objection intentional misunderstanding of what was written here. I know you well enough to know you're way smarter than this so it has to be intentional. It is literally OBVIOUS to anyone who isn't just fishing in every line for reasons to dislike the guy that what Sophie is saying here is that Keefe's attempt to encourage her WORKED. He wanted to take away some of the panic and it WORKED. This literally has the same energy as the people who heard taylor swift say in a song that she was in love with a friend and went "she didn't specifically say the friend was a boy! SHE'S GAY!" Reading for what is clearly intended by the writer is A Thing

Everblaze Arguments

[“‘Want me to push you?’ Keefe offered, laughing as Sophie jerked away from him ‘Come on, it’ll be fun—for me at least.’” (4) I have a physical copy of Everblaze, so I can list page numbers, and boy it didn’t take long for Keefe’s jerkish tendencies to show. He literally admits to Sophie that he’d find it fun to watch her be uncomfortable, which not only makes him completely selfish, but also somewhat cruel.] The fact that this is a joke feels very relevant. If you wanna argue that reading the situation isn't his strong suit I won't interrupt, but there's nothing cruel about this scene. He's trying to lighten the mood and it does not work because Sophie is too stressed about the thing he's joking about. This is a pretty normal way of kidding too? Like I'm watching a show on netflix rn where there's a scene where a guy tells his daughter he's glad his mom's there so he gets to see "this" and then the camera pans over and shows us what "this" is (his mom freaking out about the fact that she stepped in horse poop) and he chuckles. He loves his mother! He's being silly as one does! It's not that he enjoys the discomfort of his loved ones, it's a lighthearted way of teasing. Sophie doesn't respond positively here, I'll admit, which I understand, because I wouldn't, but like, at least get his intentions straight. intention vs consequence.

[“But he shot Sophie a look that seemed to say, You will tell me everything later [ . . . ]” (63) Again, an example of Keefe insisting he should be a part of Sophie’s personal business] I've read identical lines to this in like a million books so its only crime is being overused. It's that moment between two friends where one is like "hang on I need to show you the craziest thing" and then you make eye contact with your bestie and they raise an eyebrow that's like "you are DEFINITELY spilling this tea later." Like. Average interaction. This is something I do, something my friends do, something that gets written about in a lot of books, something I write about, and something I feel like you're only villainizing specifically because Keefe is doing it. Imagine Sophie interpreted a look from Biana the same way. It would just be a moment between best friends.

[“‘Dude, what is up with them not rhyming?’” (113) Shannon also does this thing where she’ll make Keefe use the same joke over and over and over.] It's called a running joke, google it

[“‘Write this down, Gigantor: You may not want to meet, but we definitely do. Name a time and a place or we’ll pelt you with sparkly poo.’” (114) I really wish Shannon would stop with the potty humor. Keefe is fourteen, not six.] If you've never heard teenage boys make obnoxious fart jokes you haven't hung around enough teenage boys

[“‘That’s why you keep me around. Well, that and my stunning good looks.’” (115) More of Keefe’s trademark cringy and tone deaf flirtation. Nobody talks like this in real life, Shannon, because they would be laughed at.] *taking the stand as a witness* yes your honor a few of my friends say stuff like this. Yes we think it's funny

[“‘But I’m coming over after school and you’ll tell me whatever you’re hiding.’” (121) It is so annoying how Keefe thinks he’s entitled to Sophie’s secrets.] See four bullet points above. average behavior

[“‘You let Keefe help.’ ‘Not by choice.’” (124) Sophie literally admits that she didn’t want Keefe to help her.] THE WHOLE POINT IS SHE KEEPS NOT WANTING ANYONE TO HELP HER. IT'S A PROBLEM. A CHARACTER FLAW. SOMETHING WE WANT HER TO GROW OUT OF and in flashback it seems like she has! Also my books are in my dorm and i'm at home right now so i can't access the book, but this feels to me like one of those "why didn't i get to help? THEY got to help" scenes in which case it makes sense for sophie to point out "it's not like i chose him over you guys, he was just extra insistent" which is a good thing bc girl needs at least one friend who's gonna not let her work alone, like do we want her to have time to sleep or not????

[“‘This is just a normal day for you, isn’t it?’ Keefe asked . . . ‘Go to school find out you’re covered in a dangerous substance, melt off a few layers of skin, and then hail your besty Councillor, tell him you’re ditching study hall to save the world, and he says “Cool, I’ll come with you!”’” (149) Leaving aside the objectively incorrect spelling of bestie, here's another example of Shannon using Keefe to recap and narrate at the audience.] This was my favorite line in the series when I was in middle school. I had it memorized and quoted it when people asked what my favorite line was. It isn't anymore, but I'm also older now. Out of the target audience. I think you're overanalyzing

[“Okay, I’ve changed my mind,’ Keefe said . . . ‘Let’s plant this somewhere she’ll trigger it.’” (181) Keefe gets Sophie in trouble and once again shows no remorse. I don’t understand why Sophie hangs around him when she doesn’t need him in any capacity (at this point) and all he does is annoy, embarrass, and get her in trouble.] The fact that she DOES continue to hang around him says something, doesn't it? And then Stria said "if someone kept doing this I would be so super annoyed" and Sophie said "but... I'm not stria?" If she wanted to find different company that didn't have as much of a tendency to get in trouble, she would. She could! She's got Dex! She names him as her best friend! It's not like she has no options here! Just because sophie chooses her friends differently than you would doesn't make him a bad character at all

[“‘Has he ever even had detention?’ ‘Only when he listens to me. [ . . . ]’” (183) Yet another example of Keefe dragging someone down with him, this time being Fitz.] The quote is meant to be self-depracating obviously, and it's keefe's whole "yeah I'm a screw-up" thing that's a part of his whole THING it's like one of those MAIN keefe character things and yes it's wrapped up in a ton of flaws but this one is so obvious that the eleven-year-olds get it! and write about it in their fanfic! Because the only way you miss it is if you're just searching for reasons to tell everyone keefe sucks!

[“‘Clearly it’s not a good idea to get you angry. Uh-oh, should I be afraid?’” (221) Keefe continues to be annoying on purpose.] There's nothing inherently annoying about this line. You're framing it like Keefe is maliciously using his words to hurt others when in reality it's just you not liking a joke he made, once again, and... honestly... this is not that bad as far as his bad humor goes

[“‘Oh—maybe we could be the Keefitzter!’” (343) When will Shannon stop torturing me with this painful nickname humor?] She's not torturing you, she's feeding the ten-year-olds and you willingly entered the club

[“‘Nah, I’ll save it for my own wedding. Make my bride feel even luckier.’ He winked.” (396) I think the worst part is he really thinks he’s being smooth there. Honestly, it just comes off as needy.] Giving you points here because you successfully spottted the secret sad reason behind one of his quips, which is the point, you know is the point, i know is the point, and everyone knows is the point

[“‘ . . . keep in mind that Miss Foster is, and always will be, my first priority.’ ‘Mine too,’ Keefe said [ . . . ]” (408) Another thing that strikes me as incredibly weird with Keefe is this strange obsession he has with Sophie. It becomes incredibly apparent in later books, but it definitely starts here. Sophie should really just be another random friend he’s made at Foxfire, but he’s willing to go to so much trouble for her, but why?] puppy crush. He took interest to her fast. I mean who wouldn't take interest? but then he also has a crush on her, so it adds together. Also they're very very close at this point. He really likes her ever since the first book, something I wasn't sure I agreed with or not until Shannon basically said it in her explanation of how kotlc became a love triangle. And they are incredibly close now so I'm not THAT surprised. He's definitely unhealthily obsessed with her by the point of unraveled, so this does not shock me in the slightest

[“‘Cute and smart. No wonder Dex gave you a ring.’” (410) Keefe continues to make unfunny jokes that embarrass Sophie for his own amusement.] Hey stria just because you don't like being complimented doesn't mean that giving compliments is a bad thing hope this helps

[“Plotting and scheming really were Keefe’s forte.” (431) We’ve been told this, but it’s simply not true. Keefe hasn’t come up with a single good plan up until this point] he's good at scheming as far as unimportant things like pranks go. The issue is that NOT everything is a joke, honestly

[“‘Admit it, Foster—you’ve been checking out the Keefster. And maybe even . . . the keester.’ [ . . . ] ‘[ . . . ] Unless you’d rather I go first so you can admire the view.’” (440) I think this might be Keefe’s cringiest joke yet. It’s a perfect combination of Keefe humor: annoying, embarrassing, tone-deaf, a dash of potty humor, all topped off with a finale of horrific flirtation.] He's so dumb *chuckles fondly* but seriously if his immature flirting bothers you that much fine what is it doing on the same rant as his genuinely problematic flaws

Neverseen Arguments

[“‘I totally could’ve pulled that off. But then again, I’m Batman, so’—he draped an arm over Sophie’s shoulders—‘I could be your hero any day.’” (9) Keefe's horrible flirting is back. And he very obviously sees himself as Sophie’s “hero”, ready to save the day for her, as if she’s completely helpless] using another "this is obviously a joke" card. Now I want to make it clear right now that I think "All I Want" by Olivia Rodrigo is a fantastic song and i assign the first verse to keefe mostly because of "he's lying to my face / does he think that i'm the kind of girl who needs to be saved" which is okay when I say it because Keefe is such an interesting character and I have never once tried to use this as a reason that everyone should just start hating him? Like genuinely this is almost as out there as everybody taking the fact that fitz has genuinely lost his temper a few times and blowing it up into "fitz has anger issues."

[“Keefe grabbed Fitz’s wrist and pressed his fingers against the exposed skin. ‘Hate to break it to you, but I can tell you’re hiding something.’” (26) Another example of Keefe breaching personal boundaries] Been over this. I don't want to repeat myself so how about we play a game where whoever is currently reading this tells ME why Keefe has issues with boundaries regarding empathy

[“‘[ . . . ] and tell the Black Swan to knock it off with the lame, non-rhyming riddles.’” (27) Shannon, repeating a joke for the umpteenth time isn’t going to make it funnier.] I beg to differ, the only reason it's funny at all is because it's a running joke

[“‘You know he’s going to keep pushing until he gets what he wants, right?’” (31) That quote is said about Keefe, for context. And yes, I do know that. It’s one of Keefe’s most annoying qualities.] what i'm hearing right now is honestly that if i was a character in a book instead of a human person you would not like me very much lolllllll i backslide to major pushing a LOT that's like a big thing for me. I'm also not big on giving out apologies for it so. yeah 2.5 years wouldn't break that habit lmao i've been trying for five. guess i'm a walking red flag who deserves a 75 page essay written about what a bad person i am. Or is that not how the complexity of humans that exist works. For what it's worth, I do have a tendency to try to write his development out of this flaw into my fanfictions because shannon hasn't explicitly addressed it in any way (though he's subtly pullled back about it MAJORLY)

[“‘Uh, you guys are totally ignoring the much more important question,’ Keefe interrupted [ . . . ] ‘Am I the only one who’s noticed that dude is naked?’” (38) Keefe doesn’t know how to be serious, even when the time calls for it] The comic relief is much appreciated for the most part so like. this is not an issue with the character or series. it's a personal distaste. And honestly, if Keefe DOES have issues with being serious, I could write an essay on why, which would be for my fellow keefe fans and not for you cause i have a feeling you don't really care why. which is fine i can't make you. But i'd like you to consider the fact that the reason keefe is a likeable character for a lot of people is his relatability (which is why i keep bringing out the "I'm like this" and "my friends do this") and the reason I like him is because he fascinates me (which is why a lot of my responses are just... the reasons he does things. The reasons to like his character are in the REASONS HE DOES THE THINGS he's so INTERESTING i am SHAKING YOU)

[“‘They’ll have to keep their faces very close together,’ Mr. Forkle noted. ‘Foster and I volunteer!’ Keefe shouted.” (59) Volunteering someone for a very uncomfortable experience without their permission, ah yes, my favorite. And yes, Dex does it too, and so do Fitz and Mr. Forkle.] yeah he's not the only one who does that in the scene but also that was very unchill of him. be more chill keefe. what i never said i was gonna argue that he never had a single bad moment ever

[“He leaped from his pleisosaur to hers and prodded Sophie’s eckodon to swim away from the rest of the group.” (63) Shannon forgot to add “without Sophie’s permission and without giving any thought to breached personal boundaries” to the end of that sentence] Even YOU are admitting the fact that you're overinterpreting here? Like that actually was not there because this was not written as a scene where someone is disregarding her boundaries? If Sophie was upset by the fact that a friend pulled her aside to talk privately (oh how dare a friend to that) it would have been in the narration, like you said, but it WASN'T, ALSO like you said, so... this point makes no sense at all???

[“‘I will never let my mom hurt you again.’” (63) It’s hilarious that he thinks he can control that.] My gosh he's trying to be nice. The "I'll do everything in my power" is implied. Like yeah he can't control that but the fact that he cares is the POINT. "I hate Keefe so much because his encouraging remarks assume he can help his friends more than he actually can!" <-interesting reason to hate a character for sure

[“‘Thanks,’ he whispered back, so close she could feel his breath on her cheek.” (65) He managed to be even creepier! Wow! This feels incredibly forced, too. I think Shannon assumes she can make any scene “romantic” if she makes Keefe lean too close to Sophie and then makes a mention of Sophie's heartbeat.] again with the coming at two characters who care about each other for sharing intimate moments. I know you don't like him but Sophie does?? This isn't really that weird? He leans in so he can whisper it. The reason Sophie makes a remark about feeling his breath on her cheek is yes, a very obvious call for the audience to see the scene as romantic, but that's just foreshadowing of her own feelings/their relationship. It's not my favorite way to write that and it's one of my least favorite overused lines, but it's not really a reason to hate Keefe.

[“‘We know some of the Neverseen are hiding in Ravagog. Give me a green crystal and I’ll hunt them down.’” (90) Moments that make me want to shove Keefe into a brick wall. Is he stupid???] kinda, yeah. the better word is reckless. it's kinda important to the plot if you look closely or from medium distance or from far away

[“‘Why is everyone assuming I’m going to get caught?’ Keefe asked. ‘You guys are clearly forgetting how awesome I am!’” (91) Because you will.] He will! they're right. You know, if you attempted to look for signs of Keefe's responses to grief in literally anything in this book instead of reading EVERYTHING as unsympathetically as possible, you might find that he's a fascinating guy who's painfully realistic for someone facing the life Keefe has lived! Like genuinely an ounce of sympathy while looking at any of kotlc would do wonders to add dimensions to how you view Keefe. you feel like he's a flat character because you only ever read him through one 2-d lens... shannon isn't the one doing that to you.

[“Fitz said something else too, but it was drowned out by the plethora of gagging sounds coming from Dex and Keefe.” (96) I don’t like Dex either, but that’s not what this is about, so we’re gonna leave that alone for now. Anyway, Keefe and Dex are both incredibly immature, acting like six-year-olds as opposed to thirteen and fourteen] Keefe and Dex are not in fact acting like six-year-olds. Middle school boys are ONE HUNDRED PERCENT like this. I mean not all of them are, but it's not unrealistic in the slightest. I found them annoying in middle school for sure. Now I just find them immature. Question: did you go to a middle school with boys?? (ok that's a bad question to pose because I didn't go to a middle school with boys but I knew plenty of boys from the boys school and also freshmen in high school and also my brother and I gotta say, this is a crazy thing to say lol)

[“‘In fact, after I swear fealty I should have you all call me Emo.’” (110) I don’t think you know what emo means, Keefe] he's shortening the word "emotion" not using human slang

[“‘You’ll be Sophitz! Or Fitzphie!’” (110) I hate it when authors put ship names in their stories] your issue here is CLEARLY with shannon???? and not keefe??????

[“‘Yeah, Fitz can pull off anything.’ Sophie blushed as she considered the implication of her words. Keefe groaned. ‘I knew we should’ve gone with the balding elixir. Next time!’” (123) To be fair, the argument I’m about to make is very thin, and I acknowledge that, so feel free to disregard it. But notice how Keefe immediately suggests a balding elixir right after Sophie complimented Fitz’s looks. It’s almost like he’s jealous of Fitz, which is not a bad thing, necessarily. Jealousy is a very natural thing to feel. But so many people try to make arguments that Fitz was cruel and jealous toward Keefe later on down the line, so I thought I’d point out an example where (in my opinion) Keefe is being jealous.] He's 100% jealous in this scene! Absolutely! That's not a weak argument at all! That's possibly best argument in this rant so far! Also being jealous doesn't make him a bad person any more than it makes fitz a bad person

[“‘Anyone else getting tired of the Black Swan bossing us around?’” (142) God, Keefe’s whininess is so annoying in this book. Yes, the Black Swan are being annoying. But he should’ve dropped it after the first few times that he complained. Complaining isn’t going to fix anything and only makes him look annoying] Nah he's so valid here actually, and while he does complain a lot in this book, he also has a few outbursts that point more to the actual issue (keefe feeling useless and wanting to have more power than he does) which in turn sets up his betrayal at the end of the book. the whole setup there actually feels like very good writing. It's way subtler than some of the other foreshadowing but it's GOOD

[“‘Is it okay if I enter your mind?’ Fitz asked. ‘Dude, do you realize how creepy that sounds?’ Keefe interrupted. ‘It’s less creepy than reading her feelings all the time without telling her,’ Fitz argued. ‘Hey, it’s not like I try to do that! You’re just mad that Foster can’t hide things from me.’” (144) Keefe gets bored, so he interrupts Sophie and Fitz’s cognate training for no reason. You know, because he’s incapable of keeping his nose out of others’ business for two seconds. And not only that, he has the audacity to say he doesn’t try to read Sophie’s emotions. Sure, he’s not doing it all the time, every time, but he does it when he feels she’s hiding something] It really confuses me, like genuinely, how you manage to make the leap from "Keefe points out he can tell when she's hiding something by grabbing her hand" to "Keefe is intentionally trying to tell when she's hiding something." Like... I don't get it. He feels her emotions WITHOUT TRYING. If he can tell she's lying and then says "hey you're lying" maybe there are situations where he could handle it more tactfully but like? That doesn't mean he's trying to read her emotions?????

[Instead of letting her keep her secrets and tell him on her own time, you know, out of trust, he uses his empathy to force it out of her] I think it would be good for you to have some experience being a natural human lie detector. Like without trying, like Keefe with Sophie. I've never been one bc that's not a thing, but we'd see how you feel about the concept of trust then. Like I'm not saying it's not a valid thing to say, but actually think about it from his pov for a second. It is waaaaay more complicated than you're framing it to be.

[“‘Promise me you won’t hate me,’ he whispered.” (175) We go into another one of Shannon’s famous forced consolation scenes. It makes no sense that Keefe would worry about Sophie hating him. He hasn’t done a single thing to make her hate him] "ughhh he's being insecureee that's so annoying and cringyyy" literally stop saying this. Like I'm gonna lose it. In what world is feeling badly about yourself forced or annoying. He's a depressed traumatized teenager who is secretly plotting to betray the group maybe what do you MEAN this is forced

[It makes so little sense that Sophie tried so hard with Keefe, but didn’t do the same with Fitz and Biana in Exile] I feel like when your friend is going through a tough time, it makes sense to react differently to the friend who is like "i don't want you to hate me" than the friend who was like "this is your fault/you've done enough." The fact that Sophie blames herself/feels like the vackers blame her in exile MAJORLY infroms the way she acts around them. This whole thing with Keefe? She doesn't think it's her fault so her own insecurity doesn't play a role at all. Again, this is no reason to see the scene as forced.

[“Keefe ruined the moment by grumbling. ‘But you didn’t learn anything! You had the Neverseen right in front of you—you talked to him!’” (197) That’s right, everyone. The sweet, selfless Keefe blamed Sophie for failing to learn anything!] Keefe is far from the only character to suddenly blame someone he shouldn't about something that wasn't their fault? This is also common human behavior so like I get that they're elves but come on. I think everyone forgets about this moment which is why an apology never comes up. If it stung sophie and she was holding onto it later an apology likely WOULD have come up? it just didn't. I'm not saying Keefe doesn't have issues showing remorse. He definitely FEELS remorse but showing it is difficult for him, something I personally understand and could also write a whole other essay about. But I still think the fact that this never came up again and Sophie basically forgot about it has a lot to do with the reason that scene never happened. He's also upset about a genuinely upsetting thing! Yeah Sophie couldn't have done anything to change it but it's not like he's going "SOPHIE HOW DARE YOU NOT DO BETTER" he's just frustrated that he was right there and they got no info. Which. valid, even if no one could have done better.

[“‘My mom was probably part of everything that went down with Jolie.’” (221) No??? No! Jolie died over sixteen years ago.] Your beef here is with shannon, not keefe, lol. But even still. oh no he forgot how many years ago someone died. only the dumbest of dumb could ever do that

[“‘And Fitz isn’t perfect, by the way.’ ‘He’s close enough.’” (238) No??? Nobody is. And here’s a fine example of another forced consolation scene. Keefe lathers it up with the self-pity and feeling sorry for himself, and later on down the road, Shannon realizes that and her solution to that particular problem is hilariously atrocious. I’m writing this quote in blue so that it’s easy to come back to later, because I’m going to talk about it once we get there. But for now: Keefe’s personal pity party is clearly only there to make the audience pity him. All he’s doing right now is acting weirdly whiny and jealous of Fitz for . . . being “perfect”? Which again, jealousy is natural. But Keefe has never in his life tried to achieve perfection, and has in fact always tried to do the exact opposite, so why would he be jealous of Fitz for being perfect all of a sudden? It’s completely out of character for him. Shannon. You can’t just make Keefe jealous of Fitz for the sake of being jealous of Fitz because you want a forced consolation scene. It has to make sense. Keefe would never be jealous of Fitz for this particular reason. Keefe doesn’t try to be perfect at all. Why would he care that Fitz is “perfect”?] THIS PART ANNOYS ME, STRIA. But to give credit where credit is due, @lisalovesapplesauce wrote this fantastic response in your ask box as the never change anon, and I think she's so super right and I'm going to expand on it. Keefe trying not to be perfect had everything to do with feeling like he COULDN'T be. he couldn't please his parents so he'd intentionally displease him. So yeah, seeing someone succeed in the ways he failed to (he didn't, not really, but that's how his parents made him feel) makes him jealous! To him fitz seems perfect! And Keefe feels like he never had that option, hence this whole other personality he's cultivated! What in the misunderstanding of Keefe's character!!!! (ARGH sorry Stria I'm serious I do like you I just don't like this rant)

[“‘And you’re also there when your friends need you.’” (238) That is a laughably twisted version of the events of the previous couple of books. Keefe is not “there when his friends need him”, rather he forces his ways into their plans by either pressuring them or using his empathy very dubiously] Actually, this is just proof that my interpretation of the events of the previous books (Keefe getting Sophie to work with others because he was worried about her and putting it across in a way he found lighthearted bc he prefers to communicate that way whether you find it funny or not) is exactly how Sophie interpreted them! You Just Overinterpreted. Like i've been saying.

[“‘[ . . . ] you promised you wouldn’t hate me.’” (239) Obligatory “don’t hate me” plea from this particular forced consolation scene.] Continuing to call the scene "forced" for no actual reason than that YOU wouldn't have acted like sophie towards keefe that way is NOT changing the fact that this is actually an emotionally impactful exchange between sophie and keefe both times if you care to read it that way

[“His aim with the throwing stars was flawless [ . . . ]” (343) How???] Strange writing choice on Shannon's part fr! Makes no sense! Do point to the part where this means anything about his character like at all

[“‘You know what I think when I see things like that?’ ‘I never should’ve agreed to help such a loser—even if he has awesome hair?’” (345) Here’s another forced consolation scene. Why would Keefe think Sophie thought that, when literally a few seconds ago she confirmed she didn’t?] Why do you have such an issue with Keefe being insecure? Do you want him to behave like a teenager or not??? It's not forced it's how keefe's character works. He's at a low point! Why is that an issue???

[“‘I have a major dark side, Sophie.’” (347) Shannon tried to make this all serious and dark, but it just made me laugh] Yeah he's being dramatic here, once again point to the part where this says anything about his character other than that he's dramatic and self-loathing (two character traits he just. has. like the rest of the time too. they aren't NEW and they aren't BAD THINGS)

[“[ . . . ] ‘and it’s a lot creepier when it’s Sophorkle.’” (369) Did. Did Shannon actually write that???? And the editor saw nothing wrong with that??? Oh, boy . . . I don’t even think I have to explain this one] the issue here is once again shannon messenger and her team and not keefe

[“‘And I thought secret Telepath conversations were the worst. Just so we’re clear,’ he told Tam. ‘I’m the president of the Foster fan club. And we’re closed to new members.’” (474) Keefe acts jealous of Tam for . . . talking to Sophie. What a great guy] Help now you're not even saying it's unreasonable for him to be jealous you're just mad at him for being jealous in the first place what is even happening

[“‘Someone needs to tell Shade Boy the role of Troublemaker with Daddy Issues is already filled.’” (478) I- I don’t even have the words to describe how uncaring this is. Keefe literally sees a struggling teen and his first thought is “My ‘position’ is in danger”. How selfish is that?] Not his finest moment for sure! I definitely think it's less his "position" than the fact that he's worried that others having similar struggles diminishes his own. Which it DOESN'T and that's WRONG but it's an understandable reflex. After that he and tam mostly don't get along bc tam won't trust him bc he won't let him read his shadowvapor. So yes he's wrong in this moment, but it doesn't feel like it speaks to his character or him as a person. This is a response to a horrible situation and a lot of trauma, and I don't think anyone, fictional or otherwise, should be judged for what they say then. To be upset with them is fine, but you're out here making statements about how Keefe just isn't a good guy, and using THIS as evidence.

[He’d turned into the boy in the boobrie dude’s tent again—scared and angry and lost.” (479) That doesn’t justify his callousness and horrible behavior towards Tam] No, it doesn't justify it, it explains it. wow i haven't had to say that sentence in a while *flashbacks to being in the star wars fandom* don't ask me my fave star wars character you would not like my answer. i like his marriage too, you'd probably strangle me. Keefe hasn't even committed a single genocide why are we being so tough on him smh (this is a joke) (I'm not actually comparing keefe to anakin I've just had to defend both people)

[“Keefe laughed. ‘Annnnnnnnd, the Foster panicking begins.’ ‘I’m not panicking,’ Sophie told him [ . . . ] She ignored Keefe’s laughter as she gave Fitz permission to enter her mind.” (496) First of all, counting and typing out all those Ns was a nightmare. Second of all, I think the reason Keefe’s intrusive behavior is accepted is because it’s just so normal. It’s just something you expect to happen with him because it’s Keefe] no no wait i'll hear you out once you explain what's so intrusive about noticing someone is panicking and saying it out loud and then laughing when they obviously lie about it

[“‘Whoa, now everything’s red and ripply,’ Fitz said. ‘Is that because she’s angry?’” (497) Keefe literally annoyed Sophie for his own amusement and fun. You know, as good friends do.] Once again please point to where in the quote keefe annoyed sophie for his own amusement. like show me where that happened

[“‘Why didn’t you tell me about this?’ Fitz whispered to her. ‘Dude, you don’t get to ask that,’ Keefe told him.” (505) Fitz can ask whatever the hell he wants. Especially concerning a group that they are all fighting. Telling someone they don’t get to ask why something was hidden from them is so completely out of line. And guess who calls Keefe out on this? Nobody.] Keefe saying this would hold up a lot better if he wasn't guilty of the same thing, so I'll give this one to you, but I once again feel the need to point out that Keefe not always being in the right means literally nothing about him as a person. That is how EVERYBODY IS. if i had a book of your life i'd break down everything you ever said that you shouldn't have and put it in a document to prove a point

[“‘Because I seem to remember you having a bummer few weeks and then everything went back to perfect Vacker-land. So where’s my perfect fix?’” (505) Keefe disregards other people’s feelings and problems if he sees them as not as bad as his own] Uh, hang on, since when is Keefe the reason everyone thinks the Vackers are more perfect than they are? He's just? Seeing things the same way everyone else does? This is not a him thing at all? His friend appears to have it all and he's going through the lowest point of his life. He's not trivializing their problems, but he's just as guilty as EVERYBODY ELSE of not seeing them in the first place.

[“She knew Keefe didn’t want to talk to her, but when she saw his lights on she couldn’t walk away.” (507) Another piece of evidence suggesting that Sophie paid way more attention to Keefe and spent way more time making sure he knew she was there for him than she did with Fitz and Biana in a similar situation] Once again pointing out that the situation in exile was ENTIRELY different seeing as she blamed herself in the first place

[“‘How are you going to get inside the city? And if you do get in—what then? You don’t even know where you’re going.’ ‘I’ll figure it out.’” (560) Keefe is so unbelievably stupid. The justification Shannon gave was that the guilt is making him reckless, but recklessness doesn’t equal stupidity] actually this is. very much recklessness. feel like it's kinda important to point out that this particular brand of stupidity is called recklessness

[“‘Fine. I’ll wait until tomorrow night,’ he said. ‘Then I’m leaving.’” (561) Sophie didn’t even manage to completely dissuade him, she just stalled him. That proves that Sophie can’t save him from himself. Nobody can] Ding ding ding! Nobody can save him from himself! How are you not RUSHING to read the angst fanfiction

[“‘Yeah, this is why I should go by myself,’ Keefe said. The suggestion was met with a resounding ‘No!’ But Sophie knew Keefe wasn’t going to listen. If she didn’t figure something out, he would go alone.” (564) They just talked through all the challenges of their plan, none of which Keefe has a solution to, yet he’s still arrogant enough to believe that he can do it all himself] congrats you found a character flaw let's go do this for all the other characters too

[“‘Oh good, Bangs Boy decided to join us,’ Keefe grumbled [ . . . ]” (570) Instead of being grateful for extra help that could get them out alive, Keefe continues to take shots at Tam for no reason] the reason is jealousy, a concept i can't tell how you feel about since you seem to change how you feel about it every time a new argument needs to be made.

[“‘I could be back with the cure while the rest of you guys are still sleeping.’” (575) Words cannot describe how much I want Keefe to try to do just that, so the ogres can lock him in a cell and we never have to see him or his stupidity or arrogance again.] Ok since we still haven't figured out how this character trait operates allow me to give you a point of reference

[“Dude, you did not just insult the Hair.’” (581) Have some more cringy Keefe humor.] I'm so serious read a YA book if you hate the middle grade humor that much

[“Sophie couldn’t fight back her sob as Keefe handed Alvar the cache.” (661)] IIIII LOOOOOVE THIIIIS SCEEEENE AAAAAAAAH. I LOVE THIS WHOLE ARC. Would have loved it more if he had to do more morally dubious stuff. I mean yes stealing the cache, blowing up foxfire, stealing the alluveterre crystal and saving alvar were all majorly problematic, but why is the list so short? MAKE IT LONGER! LET THIS SELF-DESTRUCTIVE RECKLESS MORALLY SCREWED-UP BOY BE EXACTLY WHAT HE IS! shannon's just a coward. It could have been a longer list. ANYWAY, i literally don't care about what you say about this scene because it's reckless and dumb and horrible and that is the POINT that is literally the POINT

[“‘I have to do this,’ he said. ‘Please don’t hate me.’” (663) Keefe has no right to ask this of Sophie in this scenario] ikr *kicks feet and giggles*

The Ultimate Anti-Keefe Sencen Rant (Part One: Keeper through the first half of Unlocked)

taglist: @ahoyimlosingmymind @lucyshypemaster @myfairkatiecat @lilliesandlight @noideawhattodoorsay @sacrificialloving @i-want-to-be-hit-by-a-car @loreintheaether @whatistheretofearlookatrunfrom

Disclaimers before I start:

Do not, I repeat, do not hit that read more button right now. You will regret it. I promise you, you want to open this post in a new tab before you hit that button. This post brings new meaning to the word "long". To give you some numbers, this post is about 75 pages long in Google Docs, size 12 Times New Roman font. It took me more than three hours to read through it. You shouldn't expect to read this entire thing in one sitting. Do not, under any circumstances, hit that button without opening this post in a new tab. I'm warning you.

This rant will be very biased against Keefe. I'm only listing the things I do not like about Keefe. I have not listed a single thing I enjoy about him, few that there are. So if you're going into this looking for an unbiased "pros and cons" analysis, you've come to the wrong place. This is not an analysis. This is a rant. Do not confuse the two.

I will only list things I do not like about Keefe. If you want to argue that "oh, but [other character] did that too, and you didn't mention them!!!" that's because I'm not getting into any gripes with any other characters in this particular post. I despise Forkle just as much as I despise Keefe, for instance, but this is not a Mr. Forkle rant. This is a Keefe rant. This is solely focused on the things I do not like about Keefe. I may or may not agree with you on whether that other character that supposedly did the same thing deserves to be scrutinized for it, but the point still stands that I will not be getting into any Keefe vs. [other character] debates. In my rant, I do occasionally compare Keefe to other characters, but that's just to highlight my points about Shannon's treatment of him.

I am not a Sophitz shipper. I don't ship Sophie with anyone, actually. This rant does not come from a place of "Fitz is a better love interest for Sophie because Keefe sucks so much!!!" I will just put that to bed right now.

Feel free to pick fights with me or tell me that I'm not being fair. Feel free to counter every single one of my arguments. But please don't make bad faith arguments like "Keefe was basically just waiting around for Sophie and Fitz to break up in Legacy!!!" that are just not true in the slightest. (Yes, that is in defense of Keefe, I'm just trying to show an example of a bad faith argument.) I tried my best to be fair and not extrapolate anything beyond what I genuinely think Shannon Messenger intended for the audience to understand. So if you want to make a counter-argument, I kind of expect the same.

I actually really like fanon Keefe. No problems there whatsoever. Every single gripe I have is with canon Keefe. So, obviously I will only be discussing canon Keefe moments in this rant. I won't be talking about fandom issues at all.

My problems arise with both Keefe the person (his personality) and Keefe the character (the way he's written/his character arcs/development), so obviously this will be heavily critical of Shannon Messenger's writing. Just be aware. But I don't hate Shannon. In YouTuber withcindy's words, I find her writing to be unbearable sometimes, but I hope she gets her coin. I don't want this to make anyone hate Shannon. I don't hate her, her writing choices just frustrate me sometimes and I think it's fair to criticize them. There are many things I love about Keeper, like the worldbuilding (I have an entire post in my drafts ranting about how great the world is for the themes Keeper's trying to convey). I directly "address" Shannon at several points, but that's mostly for the sake of not making this a boring slog to get through.

I don't have physical copies of Keeper, Exile, Lodestar, or Nightfall as of the making of this rant. So quotes from those don't have citations. Every other book has a page number. I probably should've cited chapter numbers instead for those four but I didn't think of that at the time. Oh, well.

This will be very negative and discourse-y. I'm not really planning on sugar-coating anything. In my opinion, it's really important to be able to criticize the things you love, and I do love Keeper. So if you want to have a purely positive, uncritical fandom experience, it's probably not a good idea to keep going. Also, if you ship Sokeefe or like Keefe, just be prepared. While I personally do not believe they/he were written well, I understand that some people do enjoy them/him. I don't want this rant to make any people that genuinely love Sokeefe or Keefe start hating them/him. If you don't like Keefe or Sokeefe, you've probably come to the right place.

This entire rant is my personal opinion. We can agree to disagree. I get that some things I say are completely subjective, such as when I talk about Keefe's humor. That doesn't mean I think that anyone who loves Keefe's sense of humor is an idiot. I do use some strong language to describe some things, but that doesn't mean I think people who have different opinions than me are stupid. We just clearly have different tastes when it comes to things like this.

New disclaimer that I need to add right before posting this: I am not that blue anon (or any anti-Sokeefe or anti-Keefe anon). I don't even know how they managed to do that on anon. I also don't think Keefe was emotionally cheating with Sophie in Legacy. That's a completely bizarre statement to make. However, I do find that some of that person's statements are valid, however weirdly and passive-aggressively they made them, but I'm going to try to address it in a more respectful manner. So hopefully, if you continue reading this and you do like Sokeefe or Keefe, you at least understand where I'm coming from.

Keeper

“‘I mean, I can’t really blame her’—he gestured to himself—’but still, it’s awkward, you know?’” I don’t tend to like characters that brag about their looks. I know it’s a popular male-love-interest trope, but I can’t stand it. It makes the author feel like they’re trying way too hard to make the character ““““““cool””””””. Yes, I know he’s joking, but it quickly goes way too far later.

“From his disheveled blond hair to the way he’d rolled up his sleeves and left his shirt untucked, she could tell—he was cool.” Again, the narrative tries way too hard to get us to buy into the “cool bad boy” thing and it just makes me cringe so hard.

“He clearly wasn’t going to let it go [ . . . ]” Just keep in mind, Keefe just met Sophie a second ago and he’s already starting to push her for things she doesn’t want to tell. Yes, in this case, it isn’t particularly serious, but this definitely becomes a habit later on.

“‘Wow, most girls would be crying about a wound like that—most guys too. Even I’d be playing it up for sympathy and stuff.’” Going to let this go because they fix Keefe’s sexist comments in the graphic novel, so it clearly wasn’t intended for him to come across that way, but I’d just like to say that I’m so tired of the casual sexism in YA novels as a way of making a male love interest seem “cooler” or “snarkier”. It makes me cringe every time. (Keefe isn’t the only one that’s like this either. Fitz and Dex both make similarly sexist comments as well earlier: “What is it with girls?” said by Fitz and “Girls” said by Dex.) It comes across as even more annoying when you consider the whole thing about how the Lost Cities are supposed to be gender-equal. Shannon. What the heck.

“‘Makeovers?’ Keefe scoffed behind them. ‘You girls sure know how to have fun. Maybe you can braid each other’s hair and giggle about boys while you’re at it.’” Again, I’m going to let this go because they fix it in the graphic novel, but oh, boy. I have no idea what Shannon was thinking when she wrote this. All the guys make sexist comments, but Keefe easily gets it the worst. It just proves my point about how Shannon jacked it all the way up to eleven in an attempt to make Keefe “cool” and “funny”. 

“‘Actually, maybe that last part is a good idea. You could get the dirt on Foster, find out which guys make her heart go pitter-patter.’” This is completely subjective, but I find Keefe’s general sense of humor to be incredibly cringy. Like, who talks like that and doesn’t immediately cringe at themselves??? In real life, if someone spoke like that, I can guarantee that everyone around them would laugh at them. Also, he still doesn’t know Sophie very well and he continues to put her on the spot.

“‘Eh, that’s what they all say. But deep down girls always have one guy they can’t take their eyes off—isn’t that right, Fitz?’ ‘Why are we talking about this?’ Fitz complained.” Say what you will about Fitz, but I will forever be grateful to him for shutting down that nauseatingly cringy shitshow.

“‘Aw, don’t go getting good at alchemy, Foster.’” Again, this is completely subjective, but I find the way he calls Sophie by her last name to be a cheap trick to make him seem funnier and cooler. Which, in my humble opinion, it doesn’t.

“He winked, reaching for her hand.” Again, completely subjective, but my number one pet peeve when it comes to love interests in fiction is winking. Why is it that everytime an author wants to make a guy “cool”, they just make him wink so much you’d believe he has an eye twitching disorder??? Keefe is so unoriginal as a character. I have seen this sort of male love interest a thousand times in a thousand different YA series. 

“‘It’s almost too easy to annoy you, you know that?’” The thing about Keefe is that he doesn’t just joke around. He usually jokes around with the intention to annoy or embarrass someone. 

“[ . . . ] forced instead to sit alone in the corner while Keefe winked at her [ . . . ]” He winked at her throughout the course of an entire detention??? Wow. That’s just. Okay.

[cut because character limit]

“‘What do we have here?’ Keefe asked, snatching a red box from her thinking cap. He was definitely back to his old self without his father around. He glanced at the card and cracked up. ‘“Dear Sophie. I really enjoyed our dance, and I hope we can do it again sometime. Love, Valin.”’” Another example of Keefe making jokes that are just straight up embarrassing for someone else. Also, he just grabbed her present like that without her permission??? 

“‘I’m just teasing—sheesh.’” Keefe literally pulled the “But it was just a joke!” excuse as justification for putting Sophie on the spot like that. Wow, such a great friend.

“Keefe nudged Dex’s arm, then grinned at Sophie. ‘Interesting.’ ‘What?’ Dex asked. ‘Which one’s your gift, Dex?’ Sophie interrupted. She didn’t have to be a mind reader to know what Keefe was going to tease Dex about.” Here we mark the start of Keefe using his empathy to learn people’s secrets without their consent. He feels not a hint of remorse for it, and instead uses it as a way to breach people’s boundaries and embarrass them. As a lot of people have already said, Keefe is the primary reason empathy should have similar restrictions on it to telepathy. 

“She stared at Dex for a minute, so amazed she wanted to hug him. She knew Keefe would have a field day, though, so she fought the urge.” You shouldn’t be scared to hug your friend in front of your other friend for fear of what the other friend will say. 

“He’d hardly looked at her gift when he opened it, too distracted by the tunic Keefe gave him, which had I know what you’re thinking—and you should be ashamed of yourself embroidered across the front.” I will give credit where credit is due, though. This was cute as hell. But it also makes me frustrated, because it shows that Keefe can be a good friend if he tries. It’s not like he straight-up doesn’t know how to. He just doesn’t. Which is arguably worse.

“‘Yeah, busy juggling two girlfriends,’ Keefe interrupted. Alvar grinned. ‘Three.’ ‘Three?’ Della’s voice was as horrified as her expression. ‘Alvar, that’s awful.’ ‘Are you kidding? It’s awesome!’ Keefe corrected. ‘You’re my hero.’” That’s right, everyone. The sweet, thoughtful, funny, perfect Keefe dreams of being a cheater one day. What the heck, Shannon? Why would you make a guy you clearly want your audience to like and will eventually be the love interest a wannabe cheater? It’s clearly because she wants to make him seem cool and funny! So hilarious. Although this is more on Alvar. I know the fandom headcanons about polyamory, but given the use of the word “juggling”, it’s more likely that Alvar is a cheater. But I will also assume that this was another product of Keeper’s time, and will be changed in the second part of the graphic novel.

“‘All right, enough girly drama,’ Keefe said, shoving his way in. ‘I was part of the rescue too, remember? I’m the one who knew the tree you told Fitz about was the Four Seasons Tree, so if it weren’t for me . . . ’” How self-centered do you have to be to make the rescue about yourself??? Like, my guy. Have some self-awareness. Also, acting like Biana apologizing is just “girly drama” instead of a very real emotional moment is so, so degrading (and misogynistic, yippee). Disgusting behavior (which I wouldn’t mind if he ever apologized for it and showed some development, but it’s Keefe, so he never does, of course). 

“‘Ella!’ Sophie buried her face between the floppy ears, ignoring Keefe’s snickers.” Imagine laughing at your supposed friend (and crush) during an emotionally and physically devastating recovery period because you found it funny that she sleeps with a stuffed animal.

Exile

“‘Hey, a guy’s gotta look his best for the ladies.’ Keefe patted the back of his head. ‘Right, Foster?’” Ah, Keefe’s trademark cringily atrocious “humor” starts again. 

“‘Why do you need my help? Aren’t you the expert?’ Keefe snickered. ‘Ooh, good one, Foster!’” Another thing I don’t like about Keefe is that Shannon uses him as narration sometimes in order to pat her own back over making a joke. Like here, Sophie makes a comment regarding Vika’s ability to train Silveny, and we, the audience are obviously supposed to be like “Ooh, good one, Sophie! Get her ass!” But instead of just letting the audience have their natural reaction, Shannon feels the need to tell us what she thinks we need to feel. It becomes annoying because Keefe does it so much. It’s like Shannon doesn’t trust that the audience will have the correct reaction, so she has Keefe have that reaction so the audience knows what to feel. It’s basically the writing equivalent of saying “Get it? Do you get the joke? The joke was that Sophie made fun of Vika. Do you get it now?” This is more a Shannon thing than a Keefe thing, but Keefe gets it the worst. 

“‘Lame. I vote for The Unstoppable Team Keefe! Or Team Foster-Keefe if you’re one of those egomaniacs who needs your name in there. I can share some credit.’” Ah, here we start with Keefe’s list of atrocious nicknames for things. It’s one of my least favorite aspects of the way Shannon writes “humor”.

“‘What was up with the whole Amazing Flying Foster routine?’” Completely subjective, but I find Keefe’s nicknaming tendencies really grating.

“‘That’s another day of detention, Mr. Sencen,’ Sir Rosings shouted. ‘And one for you, Miss Foster!’ ‘Ooh, we can be detention buddies again!’” It’s a little thing, but Keefe never feels regret when he gets someone else in trouble. He only lathers it up with more teasing. I’d be so angry if someone got me in trouble and it wasn’t even my fault. It’s just terrible behavior.

“‘I’m not talking about anyone. I’m talking about you. And I know you’re up to something. I can feel it.’ He grabbed her hand, sucking in a slow breath as the crease between his brows relaxed. ‘I can feel your hope. It’s not much—but it’s there. And there has to be a reason for it. Besides—you’re going to need my help. Who knows the Vackers better than me?’” Keefe uses his empathy to force his way into Sophie’s fixing-Alden’s-mind plan. He tries to read her emotions without her permission so that he can use it as justification to get her to let him help. It’s just so icky. He then manipulates Sophie by insisting she needs his help (even though she logically doesn’t). 

“‘It’s a date, Foster!’ Keefe shouted, turning every head in the corridor and making her grit her teeth so hard her jaw hurt. ‘Looking forward to it.’” Keefe stop humiliating Sophie in front of everyone challenge. 

“‘Wow—you really sleep with this thing? I thought Fitz was kidding when he gave it to you when you were recovering.’ Sophie snatched Ella away [ . . . ]” Keefe continues to make fun of Sophie for her stuffed animal tendencies. You know, it’s possible to be funny and make jokes without actively tearing people down. But wait, you may say. Keefe shows some development later because he starts to sleep with his own stuffed animal! Doesn’t that mean he learned and grew? No, I would argue back at you. The issue is not actually that Keefe made fun of Sophie’s stuffed animal in particular. The issue is that most of Keefe's jokes actively revolve around making fun of someone and putting them down. And that never changes, even later in the series. This is simply one example.

[cut because character limit]

“‘This isn’t nearly as exciting as I thought it would be,’ Keefe complained as Sophie finished explaining her theory about removing Alden’s guilt and how she was trying to track down her own journal. ‘When do we get to, like, fly into the line of fire or sneak away to the Forbidden Cities?’” Another thing I don’t like about Keefe: he’s so whiny. For no reason. Shannon loves to use his whininess to make him ““““““relatable””””””. And he never develops! Ever! Most of the things I list about Keefe here would be fine if Shannon acknowledged them as character flaws and let Keefe develop. But he never does.

“He reached out and brushed Grady’s arm. ‘Whoa—that is some serious tension radiating off of you. Is it that bad?’” Again, here we see an example of Keefe breaching boundaries and using his ability to get people to tell him things they aren’t comfortable telling him. If Keefe was a Telepath, this would be breaking the law. In case you care. 

“‘Is that a diary?’ Keefe asked as Sandor handed her the sparkly journal. He tried to snatch it, but Sophie yanked it away just in time.” I- I don't even have the words to describe how atrocious this behavior is. Keefe just casually tried to invade Sophie’s privacy. For a joke. And imagine if she had written something embarrassing in there and he’d managed to grab it from her. He’d never stop embarrassing her over it, never stop spilling its contents to other people casually in the name of “humor”. And he’d treat it like a joke, instead of a very serious breach of personal boundaries.

“‘Should’ve figured it would have something to do with a boy.’ ‘I was five, Keefe.’ ‘What, and cute boys didn’t exist when you were five? Well, it’s true you hadn’t met me yet, but . . . ’” Ah, Keefe’s trademark cringy-ass flirtation starts. For the record, I think this might be my least favorite aspect of Keefe’s “humor”. I don’t tend to like characters that go on about how good-looking they are. I just find it so incredibly cringy and tone-deaf. But that’s just my opinion.

“‘Now we know they still have the pages. So we just have to figure out a way to steal them back.’” Ah yes, Keefe’s straight-up stupidity, which isn't quite my least favorite quality of his, but is the most frustrating. He’s really, really stupid if he thinks he can just. Track down the Black Swan and steal the pages back from the infinite amount of places they could be. 

“‘Hey, Captain Mood Swing,’ Keefe said, gently grabbing her arm.” Keefe’s cringy sense of nicknaming humor continues. 

Also Keefe’s nickname for Silveny will never not be the most cringeworthy thing in the entire series. His nickname humor is already horrible enough, but combine it with his tendency to crack potty jokes like he’s six? Simply atrocious.

“‘It’s just a theory right now—I need to think it through.’ ‘You mean we,” Keefe said, hooking his arm through hers. “We need to think it through. Team Foster-Keefe!’” Keefe stop forcing yourself into Sophie’s personal business challenge.

[cut because character limit]

“‘So, let me get this straight,’ Keefe said when Sophie was done explaining the new plan. ‘We don’t know where we’re going, or how long it’s going to take us to get there, and we’re flying to meet the Black Swan—who may or may not be evil murderers—and this whole thing could be a trap?’ [ . . . ] ‘Awesome! ’Bout time this project got a bit more exciting.’” Keefe is so fucking tone-deaf. He learns they need to go meet the Black Swan (who at that point they thought were maybe-murderers) to heal Sophie and that’s what he says? Wow. Real upstanding guy. It really just shows how he thinks this whole thing is a game, not a serious issue. (Yes, I know he later says that his jokes are a mask and that he does care and see the seriousness in an issue, however that doesn’t change the fact that his jokes are just straight-up insensitive to the people around him.) Also, remember what I said about Shannon using Keefe as narration? She does it like this, too, where she’ll recap a lot of what she just wrote using Keefe as a mouthpiece, just to make sure the audience really gets it. It’s a sign of insecure writing. But it’s not boring recap exposition, because a funny character says it! Right, guys?

“‘Of course I told them. Sheesh—you act like I’m some sort of troublemaker.’ He winked.” Take a shot everytime Keefe winks. You won’t even make it through half the series. It highlights another issue I have with Keefe. He thinks he’s so cool. With the swagger and the winking and the hair and the clothes, he tries way too hard to be ““““““cool””””””. And for me it just makes him extra cringy. But that’s completely subjective. Yes, I am aware it is a mask. It does not make it any less cringy. It just doesn't feel like something anyone would ever do in real life. I don't know how to explain that it just feels unrealistically fake. It’s just so . . . try-hard-y to me. 

“‘No—for the millionth time. You’ll know when we are because we’ll stop flying.’ ‘Okay, that’s how I’ll know when we’re there. But how are you going to know?’” Another example of Keefe being intentionally annoying, and another example of Keefe being so stupid you have to wonder if his abusive parents dropped him on his head as a child. Two for one!

Keefe continues to be stupid and annoying on purpose for a few more lines of dialogue during this scene, but it’s too much and I don’t want to copy it all. I’ve already put a sample in the previous bullet. 

Have to say, I love how annoyed Sophie is by Keefe in Exile. Everytime she is forced to involve him, she expresses visible annoyance. Wish that carried through the entire series.

“But then he leaned closer—close enough that she could feel his breath on her cheek as he said, ‘I know I crack a lot of jokes, Sophie, but . . . that’s just because it’s easier, you know? It’s how I deal. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I do. A lot.’” Ah, the famous boy-behind-the-jokes confession scene. First of all, why does he need to lean closer and get all up in Sophie’s personal space??? Especially since they are already really close together. That is so ugh. Secondly, just because he uses humor as a coping mechanism, doesn’t mean his jokes have to be rude, annoying, embarrassing, cringy, over-the-top, cracked at the wrong times, and just plain stupid. It’s possible to have a sense of humor that’s, get this, actually funny and cheers people up instead of tearing them down.

[cut because character limit]

“‘You don’t have to be. I meant what I told Sandor. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.’” How chivalrous. And how exactly is he going to do that? By being stupid at the kidnappers? Just the fact that Keefe thinks that he can protect Sophie shows how unprepared he is. But seriously, Keefe has only demonstrated stupidity up until this point. I still don’t understand how Grady thought it was a good idea to involve him. He’s just as vulnerable as Sophie, so that’s just a second person that’ll get hurt if something goes wrong. He’s not a bodyguard and he doesn’t have any training or special experience that would qualify him to protect Sophie. He’s just some guy. I think the logic was “Sophie’ll have a second person to protect her in case of an emergency”, but that makes no sense, because Keefe can’t bring anything to the table in terms of protection for Sophie. But how else are we going to kickstart a fan-favorite ship?

“He leaned back, taking his warmth with him. But at least she felt like she could breathe again.” Yep, Sophie literally felt like she couldn’t breathe because Keefe was all up in her personal space.

Everblaze

“‘Want me to push you?’ Keefe offered, laughing as Sophie jerked away from him ‘Come on, it’ll be fun—for me at least.’” (4) I have a physical copy of Everblaze, so I can list page numbers, and boy it didn’t take long for Keefe’s jerkish tendencies to show. He literally admits to Sophie that he’d find it fun to watch her be uncomfortable, which not only makes him completely selfish, but also somewhat cruel.

“But he shot Sophie a look that seemed to say, You will tell me everything later [ . . . ]” (63) Again, an example of Keefe insisting he should be a part of Sophie’s personal business. Why does he constantly want to know every single thing she knows? It’s none of his business.

“‘Dude, what is up with them not rhyming?’” (113) Shannon also does this thing where she’ll make Keefe use the same joke over and over and over. This is only the second time Keefe has made this joke, but it happens again and again and again. And even though the first time was pretty funny, the overuse kills the joke. 

“‘Write this down, Gigantor: You may not want to meet, but we definitely do. Name a time and a place or we’ll pelt you with sparkly poo.’” (114) I really wish Shannon would stop with the potty humor. Keefe is fourteen, not six. It makes him look even more annoying and childish. 

“‘That’s why you keep me around. Well, that and my stunning good looks.’” (115) More of Keefe’s trademark cringy and tone deaf flirtation. Nobody talks like this in real life, Shannon, because they would be laughed at.

“‘But I’m coming over after school and you’ll tell me whatever you’re hiding.’” (121) It is so annoying how Keefe thinks he’s entitled to Sophie’s secrets. He doesn’t ask her. Just forces his way in, just like he forced his way into everything else. It’s textbook manipulation. And she does. Not because she trusts him. But because he forces his way into everything. 

“‘You let Keefe help.’ ‘Not by choice.’” (124) Sophie literally admits that she didn’t want Keefe to help her. But in typical Keefe fashion, he forces his way into everything, because he’s nosy and rude and can’t keep himself in line. I’ve said this already and I’ll probably say it again, but I wouldn’t mind this if Shannon treated it like a real character flaw instead of just a quirky little trait. I would be okay with it if Keefe realized what he was doing was wrong and apologized and made an effort to get better. But he never does. 

“‘This is just a normal day for you, isn’t it?’ Keefe asked . . . ‘Go to school find out you’re covered in a dangerous substance, melt off a few layers of skin, and then hail your besty Councillor, tell him you’re ditching study hall to save the world, and he says “Cool, I’ll come with you!”’” (149) Leaving aside the objectively incorrect spelling of bestie, here's another example of Shannon using Keefe to recap and narrate at the audience. It’s like she doesn’t trust us to understand the story ourselves. You don’t need to pat yourself on the back by summarizing what just happened, Shannon. It doesn’t make it any less exposition-y if the character info-dumping stuff we already know at us is ““““““funny””””””.

“Keefe replaced it immediately. ‘I could do this all day.’ [ . . . ] Then he snatched the rest of Sophie’s effluxers and raced away, stabbing them in random places all over the grassy field.” (179) Keefe understands why guarding the school from ogres is so important, and yet he treats it like a joke. I’ve seen people say that Keefe can be serious when he knows something is important, but here he is, abusing a serious security protocol for cheap laughs and frustrating Sophie. He tries his very hardest to be annoying and honestly if I were Sophie, I’d just walk away and let him do his own thing. He can’t be serious, and he’s incapable of thinking about anything except playtime for more than a few seconds at a time. 

[cut because character limit]

“Okay, I’ve changed my mind,’ Keefe said . . . ‘Let’s plant this somewhere she’ll trigger it.’” (181) Keefe gets Sophie in trouble and once again shows no remorse. I don’t understand why Sophie hangs around him when she doesn’t need him in any capacity (at this point) and all he does is annoy, embarrass, and get her in trouble. If you want to get in trouble, that’s your prerogative. But dragging others unwillingly into your plan is one of the most selfish, egregious acts you can do.

“‘Has he ever even had detention?’ ‘Only when he listens to me. [ . . . ]’” (183) Yet another example of Keefe dragging someone down with him, this time being Fitz.

“‘Clearly it’s not a good idea to get you angry. Uh-oh, should I be afraid?’” (221) Keefe continues to be annoying on purpose.

“‘Oh—maybe we could be the Keefitzter!’” (343) When will Shannon stop torturing me with this painful nickname humor?

“‘That doesn’t really have the same ring,’ Keefe told her [ . . . ]” (344) This is like the third time he’s made this joke. Repeating a joke over and over doesn’t make it funnier; it’s quite the opposite, actually. 

“‘Nah, I’ll save it for my own wedding. Make my bride feel even luckier.’ He winked.” (396) I think the worst part is he really thinks he’s being smooth there. Honestly, it just comes off as needy.

“‘ . . . keep in mind that Miss Foster is, and always will be, my first priority.’ ‘Mine too,’ Keefe said [ . . . ]” (408) Another thing that strikes me as incredibly weird with Keefe is this strange obsession he has with Sophie. It becomes incredibly apparent in later books, but it definitely starts here. Sophie should really just be another random friend he’s made at Foxfire, but he’s willing to go to so much trouble for her, but why? There’s not a particular reason. Sophie didn’t do anything that meant he owed her and therefore had to help her and they didn’t have a particularly strong bond at all before he forced his way into her reverse-Alden’s-guilt plan. It’s understandable now that they’re closer friends, but the fact that he was just ready to fly across the ocean for a somewhat random girl is just. Very strange. Keefe is a massive case of obsessed-with-the-love-interest syndrome that plagues YA novels everywhere you go. And he doesn’t even have a particularly good reason.

“‘Cute and smart. No wonder Dex gave you a ring.’” (410) Keefe continues to make unfunny jokes that embarrass Sophie for his own amusement. 

“Plotting and scheming really were Keefe’s forte.” (431) We’ve been told this, but it’s simply not true. Keefe hasn’t come up with a single good plan up until this point, so I don’t know what Sophie’s talking about. Telling isn’t showing, Shannon. Show us a single good plan that Keefe has come up with. You can’t just tell us that and expect us to believe it because “Oh, it’s Keefe!!!”

“‘Admit it, Foster—you’ve been checking out the Keefster. And maybe even . . . the keester.’ [ . . . ] ‘[ . . . ] Unless you’d rather I go first so you can admire the view.’” (440) I think this might be Keefe’s cringiest joke yet. It’s a perfect combination of Keefe humor: annoying, embarrassing, tone-deaf, a dash of potty humor, all topped off with a finale of horrific flirtation. 

Neverseen

“‘I totally could’ve pulled that off. But then again, I’m Batman, so’—he draped an arm over Sophie’s shoulders—‘I could be your hero any day.’” (9) Keefe's horrible flirting is back. And he very obviously sees himself as Sophie’s “hero”, ready to save the day for her, as if she’s completely helpless. (I know it seems like this is just a joke at the moment, but there are several moments later on down the line that prove this point. I just wanted to put this quote here so I don’t miss it later.) That’s another thing I hate about Keefe. He’s always sacrificing a good plan for his own, because he thinks he’s smarter than everyone else and wants to be the hero. (Again, there are several moments later that showcase this, we’ll get there.)

“Keefe grabbed Fitz’s wrist and pressed his fingers against the exposed skin. ‘Hate to break it to you, but I can tell you’re hiding something.’” (26) Another example of Keefe breaching personal boundaries and using his empathy to extort secrets out of people to get him to tell things they wouldn’t ordinarily tell him. This happens a lot starting in this book, and yes, I am going to point them all out. By the way, what Fitz was hiding was not at all important to their mission. It’s a secret of Sophie’s that Fitz accidentally saw and was forced to tell because of Keefe. And Keefe tries to make fun of Sophie for it, but is cut off.

“‘[ . . . ] and tell the Black Swan to knock it off with the lame, non-rhyming riddles.’” (27) Shannon, repeating a joke for the umpteenth time isn’t going to make it funnier. And Keefe gets this the worst.

“‘You know he’s going to keep pushing until he gets what he wants, right?’” (31) That quote is said about Keefe, for context. And yes, I do know that. It’s one of Keefe’s most annoying qualities. But what I want to focus on is the fact that Shannon herself acknowledges that. It’s not like she isn’t aware. She just doesn’t want to give Keefe any development, instead treating it like a quirky little habit. 

“‘Uh, you guys are totally ignoring the much more important question,’ Keefe interrupted [ . . . ] ‘Am I the only one who’s noticed that dude is naked?’” (38) Keefe doesn’t know how to be serious, even when the time calls for it. They were in the middle of a discussion about how the Neverseen could’ve set a fire in the Forbidden Cities, and Keefe just jumps in and completely derails the conversation for a joke. Keefe. Learn the time and the place for this sort of behavior. No, indeed, Keefe cannot be serious, even when the time calls for it.

“‘They’ll have to keep their faces very close together,’ Mr. Forkle noted. ‘Foster and I volunteer!’ Keefe shouted.” (59) Volunteering someone for a very uncomfortable experience without their permission, ah yes, my favorite. And yes, Dex does it too, and so do Fitz and Mr. Forkle. I’m not exempting any of them from the blame. I’m just saying that this was something Keefe unironically said (and he said it first, too).

“He leaped from his pleisosaur to hers and prodded Sophie’s eckodon to swim away from the rest of the group.” (63) Shannon forgot to add “without Sophie’s permission and without giving any thought to breached personal boundaries” to the end of that sentence. Seriously, he just leaped onto Sophie’s eckodon with no sign she wanted him to, just because . . . he wanted to? Sophie’s wishes? Never heard of them.

“‘Relax,’ he said, tightening his grip on Sophie’s waist. ‘I won’t let you fall.’” (63) I hate when Keefe does things that Sophie doesn’t need “for Sophie”. It’s his worst quality, by a long shot. He projects what he thinks Sophie wants and then tries to fulfill his projection. Sophie wasn’t even scared she was going to fall. And he randomly starts putting his hands all over her. But I guess when you’re a love interest, that can be seen as ““““““romantic””””””. Keefe stop treating Sophie like a helpless object that he needs to save challenge.

[cut because character limit]

“‘I will never let my mom hurt you again.’” (63) It’s hilarious that he thinks he can control that. Just adds to his mind-numbing stupidity. There’s naivete, then there’s Keefe. Also, this entire scene is the first in a series of scenes that I like to call “forced consolation”, where either Keefe or Sophie will try to reassure the other of some fear they don’t have or are just not in control of. Shannon loves to lather these scenes up with “I promise I won’t hate you”s and “I will do everything I can to protect you”s and all sorts of other things that feel either forced or over-the-top. And at the end of the scene, you feel nothing’s changed or developed. It’s just Sophie and Keefe repeating things at each other and at the end you just feel like it was handled with too heavy a hand and you didn’t really get anywhere. In other words, it’s one of Shannon’s favorite forms of filler.

“‘Thanks,’ he whispered back, so close she could feel his breath on her cheek.” (65) He managed to be even creepier! Wow! This feels incredibly forced, too. I think Shannon assumes she can make any scene “romantic” if she makes Keefe lean too close to Sophie and then makes a mention of Sophie's heartbeat.

“‘We know some of the Neverseen are hiding in Ravagog. Give me a green crystal and I’ll hunt them down.’” (90) Moments that make me want to shove Keefe into a brick wall. Is he stupid??? Like, genuinely. He is so dumb. I cannot stand stupid characters. Maybe that’s me, but oh my gosh. This. This is just. I don’t even have the words to describe how stupid Keefe is. And the worst part is Keefe clearly thinks this is a smart plan. Like, wow. He’s so arrogant he genuinely thinks he’s the savior they all need. Not a stupid, reckless boy with no experience or training who’s going to get himself killed. Keefe. What are you on.

“‘Why is everyone assuming I’m going to get caught?’ Keefe asked. ‘You guys are clearly forgetting how awesome I am!’” (91) Because you will. Hundred percent guarantee. He knows nothing about ogres and their technology, nothing about sneaking into places with a large amount of security, he probably doesn’t even know what a Markchain is and why he’ll be found out because of not having it. The English language doesn’t have the words necessary to describe how dumb Keefe is. And he doesn’t even realize it. He’s just so convinced he’s better than anyone else and that other people haven’t created anything strong enough to hold the all-knowing Keefe Sencen. But stupid characters that genuinely think they’re amazing is a personal pet peeve of mine. 

“Fitz said something else too, but it was drowned out by the plethora of gagging sounds coming from Dex and Keefe.” (96) I don’t like Dex either, but that’s not what this is about, so we’re gonna leave that alone for now. Anyway, Keefe and Dex are both incredibly immature, acting like six-year-olds as opposed to thirteen and fourteen. And it’s rude. It’s not a good quality. They clearly do it on purpose to be annoying, so. Tearing down people because you can’t keep your nose out of their business is just not good behavior. Again, I’d be fine if Keefe showed some development. But as far as I know, he never apologizes for his rude behavior at all. (I believe Dex does, though, so Shannon clearly knows this is a possibility.)

“‘In fact, after I swear fealty I should have you all call me Emo.’” (110) I don’t think you know what emo means, Keefe. Also, in my humble opinion, it makes no sense that elves have a concept of being emo. My guess is this is Shannon’s attempt to make Keefe seem more like Tam. But more on that later.

“‘You’ll be Sophitz! Or Fitzphie!’” (110) I hate it when authors put ship names in their stories. It’s so cringy and almost feels like the author is trying to pat themselves on the back for acknowledging a certain ship in the series. And of course, it’s an undeniable aspect of Keefe’s “humor”. I can’t just not address it. 

“‘We can be Keefex!’” (111) Another instance of putting ship names into the series, although I doubt Shannon meant it that way.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Yeah, Fitz can pull off anything.’ Sophie blushed as she considered the implication of her words. Keefe groaned. ‘I knew we should’ve gone with the balding elixir. Next time!’” (123) To be fair, the argument I’m about to make is very thin, and I acknowledge that, so feel free to disregard it. But notice how Keefe immediately suggests a balding elixir right after Sophie complimented Fitz’s looks. It’s almost like he’s jealous of Fitz, which is not a bad thing, necessarily. Jealousy is a very natural thing to feel. But so many people try to make arguments that Fitz was cruel and jealous toward Keefe later on down the line, so I thought I’d point out an example where (in my opinion) Keefe is being jealous.

“‘And don’t think I was going to allow a Sophex meeting to happen.’” (135) More cringy ship name “humor”. 

“‘Anyone else getting tired of the Black Swan bossing us around?’” (142) God, Keefe’s whininess is so annoying in this book. Yes, the Black Swan are being annoying. But he should’ve dropped it after the first few times that he complained. Complaining isn’t going to fix anything and only makes him look annoying. 

“‘Is it okay if I enter your mind?’ Fitz asked. ‘Dude, do you realize how creepy that sounds?’ Keefe interrupted. ‘It’s less creepy than reading her feelings all the time without telling her,’ Fitz argued. ‘Hey, it’s not like I try to do that! You’re just mad that Foster can’t hide things from me.’” (144) Keefe gets bored, so he interrupts Sophie and Fitz’s cognate training for no reason. You know, because he’s incapable of keeping his nose out of others’ business for two seconds. And not only that, he has the audacity to say he doesn’t try to read Sophie’s emotions. Sure, he’s not doing it all the time, every time, but he does it when he feels she’s hiding something. I’ve already pointed out several instances of this, and there are many more to come. Instead of letting her keep her secrets and tell him on her own time, you know, out of trust, he uses his empathy to force it out of her, or pressure her to talk when she’s not ready (which by the way, is a textbook sign of a toxic relationship). He does this to people besides Sophie, as well. So yes, it is creepy. Way more creepy and toxic than asking someone for permission, by the way. So not only is Keefe straight-up lying about not trying to read Sophie’s emotions, he’s defending it. And the last part where he says that Fitz is jealous because Sophie can hide things from him. He’s missing the point entirely. When someone tells you something willingly, without being extorted or pressured, they trust you. When you have to force them and guilt them into telling you, they don’t trust you. So Fitz has no real reason to be jealous here. Keefe’s just being an asshole.

“‘You make her super nervous,’ Keefe answered for her. Sophie wished the Black Swan had given her laser eyes so she could skewer Keefe with her death glare.” (144) Keefe not only reads Sophie’s emotions without her permission, he also breaches several boundaries by announcing them to the entire room before she’s ready or when she doesn't want to. Why? Because he’s selfish and wants to cause a scene. Why? Because he’s bored. I wish I were kidding. That is seriously the reason. He got bored. He doesn’t care about Sophie’s feelings, or else he would respect them. 

“‘Promise me you won’t hate me,’ he whispered.” (175) We go into another one of Shannon’s famous forced consolation scenes. It makes no sense that Keefe would worry about Sophie hating him. He hasn’t done a single thing to make her hate him. Shannon just realized that she needs something for Sophie to comfort Keefe over, so she pulled something out of her ass. And it makes no sense. 

It makes so little sense that Sophie tried so hard with Keefe, but didn’t do the same with Fitz and Biana in Exile. This forced consolation scene goes on, ending in a “window slumber party”. Another thing I don’t like about Keefe is that it’s very obvious that Shannon favors him. It’s very unsubtle.

[cut because character limit]

“Keefe ruined the moment by grumbling. ‘But you didn’t learn anything! You had the Neverseen right in front of you—you talked to him!’” (197) That’s right, everyone. The sweet, selfless Keefe blamed Sophie for failing to learn anything! Which, by the way, he never apologizes for and never shows remorse for.

“Sophie heard him mumble under his breath, ‘He was right in front of them.’” (198) Keefe continues to blame Sophie for not figuring anything out, as if he could’ve done any better.

“‘My mom was probably part of everything that went down with Jolie.’” (221) No??? No! Jolie died over sixteen years ago. Keefe says this in response to the knowledge that his mom joined the Neverseen shortly after becoming pregnant with him. Keefe is only fourteen, meaning Lady Gisela was not part of what went down with Jolie. This is probably just Shannon forgetting her timeline again, but oh, boy, does it make Keefe look stupid. 

“‘When you or Fitz start dating, there will be crying in the Foxfire halls.’” (236) Another example of Shannon trying way too hard to make him seem “popular” and “cool”. It appears she hasn’t set foot in a school, because that’s not how it actually works.

“‘Everyone loves the bad boys.’” (236) Did. Did Shannon unironically write that??? I’m laughing. Oh my gosh. The sheer tone-deafness and cringe, I can’t.

“‘And Fitz isn’t perfect, by the way.’ ‘He’s close enough.’” (238) No??? Nobody is. And here’s a fine example of another forced consolation scene. Keefe lathers it up with the self-pity and feeling sorry for himself, and later on down the road, Shannon realizes that and her solution to that particular problem is hilariously atrocious. I’m writing this quote in blue so that it’s easy to come back to later, because I’m going to talk about it once we get there. But for now: Keefe’s personal pity party is clearly only there to make the audience pity him. All he’s doing right now is acting weirdly whiny and jealous of Fitz for . . . being “perfect”? Which again, jealousy is natural. But Keefe has never in his life tried to achieve perfection, and has in fact always tried to do the exact opposite, so why would he be jealous of Fitz for being perfect all of a sudden? It’s completely out of character for him. Shannon. You can’t just make Keefe jealous of Fitz for the sake of being jealous of Fitz because you want a forced consolation scene. It has to make sense. Keefe would never be jealous of Fitz for this particular reason. Keefe doesn’t try to be perfect at all. Why would he care that Fitz is “perfect”?

“‘I hate watching it,’ he whispered. ‘Them and Della. It’s all so happy and easy.’” (238) Wanted to include this because this is a good example of how jealousy actually works. Keefe has never had a loving family. So naturally, seeing a loving family would make him jealous. So, again, I will give credit where credit is due: this makes sense for him. 

“‘And you’re also there when your friends need you.’” (238) That is a laughably twisted version of the events of the previous couple of books. Keefe is not “there when his friends need him”, rather he forces his ways into their plans by either pressuring them or using his empathy very dubiously. The way Shannon has tried to twist Keefe into this pitiable, pathetic boy is just. Not working, when you consider what he’s been doing for the past few books. Just straight shot after straight shot of him annoying and embarrassing the crap out of Sophie and extorting things she very clearly doesn’t want to tell him out of her.

“‘[ . . . ] you promised you wouldn’t hate me.’” (239) Obligatory “don’t hate me” plea from this particular forced consolation scene. 

[cut because character limit]

“His aim with the throwing stars was flawless [ . . . ]” (343) How??? He hasn’t had any proper training??? And this goes for the climax of Exile, too, by the way. Shannon once again wants Keefe to be flawless at everything and save Sophie, but she fails to make any of it make sense, because Keefe never trains with throwing stars. This is a textbook sign of a character the author wants to make look “cool” without making it make any sense whatsoever. Why is he good at using throwing stars? Not because he trained! Probably because Shannon just wanted to make him look cool and badass. 

“‘You know what I think when I see things like that?’ ‘I never should’ve agreed to help such a loser—even if he has awesome hair?’” (345) Here’s another forced consolation scene. Why would Keefe think Sophie thought that, when literally a few seconds ago she confirmed she didn’t? I’m not kidding, Sophie literally says “‘You shouldn’t have to carry all that alone’” (345) just a couple of lines right before this line. She clearly doesn’t think Keefe is a loser, but he’s so wrapped up in his self-pity, he’s not listening to her. Shannon’s trying to milk the shit out of this, so she repeats the same thing over and over and over to instill pity for Keefe. And again, she lathers it up and uses too heavy a hand, so it just feels like we’re suffocating in Sophie’s pity for Keefe, not to mention Keefe’s pity for himself. 

“‘I have a major dark side, Sophie.’” (347) Shannon tried to make this all serious and dark, but it just made me laugh. Like, no. He doesn’t. He doesn’t have a dark side whatsoever. He’s stupid, sure, but he’s really soft, too. The fact that Shannon is trying to get us to believe that and trying to put us on edge is laughable. 

“[ . . . ] ‘and it’s a lot creepier when it’s Sophorkle.’” (369) Did. Did Shannon actually write that???? And the editor saw nothing wrong with that??? Oh, boy . . . I don’t even think I have to explain this one. And yes, this is in the name of Keefe cringy-ass “humor”.

“‘If you’re saying we should sneak into ogreville instead of sitting here watching Dex poke a gadget with sticks, I’m in,’ Keefe said [ . . . ] Keefe tried to drag her toward the door.” (405) Why did Shannon make that so literal? She literally made Keefe just be like We’re going to Ravagog right this minute, and then had him drag Sophie to the door. Like, wow. The literalness of the action is just so cartoonish and comical. Like I’m watching an animated cartoon for seven year olds. I don’t know how else to describe this.

“‘I say we storm Ravagog,’ Keefe said. ‘Who’s in?’” (457) Keefe continues to push for a plan that has no merits whatsoever and will just put people in danger. You know, because he couldn’t use his brain if his life depended on it. Also the way he says it implies he sees it as this fun joke-like thing, not something that needs serious thought put into it.

“‘And I thought secret Telepath conversations were the worst. Just so we’re clear,’ he told Tam. ‘I’m the president of the Foster fan club. And we’re closed to new members.’” (474) Keefe acts jealous of Tam for . . . talking to Sophie. What a great guy. What a non-possessive, non-controlling, completely justified thing to do. He acts like Sophie just talking to a guy is a threat to him. And let’s be honest, he says that the Foster Fan Club is “closed to new members” because he’s worried about whether Tam could like Sophie, or vice versa. And the fact that his idea is to try to stop Tam and Sophie from talking to each other is easily the ickiest thing he has done. Like, please go bang your head several times into a wall, Keefe. Hard.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Someone needs to tell Shade Boy the role of Troublemaker with Daddy Issues is already filled.’” (478) I- I don’t even have the words to describe how uncaring this is. Keefe literally sees a struggling teen and his first thought is “My ‘position’ is in danger”. How selfish is that? Tam (and Linh) have struggled way more than Keefe can even comprehend and yet all he can think about is this stupid jealousy he has for Tam. Also, the fact that he literally thinks in stereotypes and archetypes is laughably bad writing on Shannon’s part. Dumbing people down to categories to check off is atrociously terrible writing, and this is another symptom of Shannon using Keefe as a narrator to tell the audience things she doesn’t trust us to pick up on ourselves. She doesn’t trust us to know that Keefe is a troublemaker with daddy issues, so she has to tell us. Just like she doesn’t trust us to realize the same about Tam, so she has to tell us. 

“He’d turned into the boy in the boobrie dude’s tent again—scared and angry and lost.” (479) That doesn’t justify his callousness and horrible behavior towards Tam. Just because you can see why someone is doing something, doesn’t automatically absolve them of blame. Someone should’ve kept Keefe in line by explaining how tone deaf that comment was. But of course, since it’s Keefe, his actions will always be justified by the narrative instead of corrected.

“Keefe laughed. ‘Annnnnnnnd, the Foster panicking begins.’ ‘I’m not panicking,’ Sophie told him [ . . . ] She ignored Keefe’s laughter as she gave Fitz permission to enter her mind.” (496) First of all, counting and typing out all those Ns was a nightmare. Second of all, I think the reason Keefe’s intrusive behavior is accepted is because it’s just so normal. It’s just something you expect to happen with him because it’s Keefe, and treated like a joke. But it shouldn’t happen. Just because Keefe can feel Sophie’s emotions, doesn’t mean he has to tell them to people she’s clearly uncomfortable telling them to. And third of all, he laughs. He laughs because she’s panicking. What an upstanding guy.

“‘Whoa, now everything’s red and ripply,’ Fitz said. ‘Is that because she’s angry?’” (497) Keefe literally annoyed Sophie for his own amusement and fun. You know, as good friends do.

“‘Just tell them to stare into each other’s eyes and they’ll be good.’ ‘None of that, Mr. Sencen.’” (497) I will give credit where credit is due, Shannon did finally hold Keefe to a modicum of accountability. But this is the one time in all his atrocious behavior that he’s been held accountable, and even then, he never says sorry. 

“‘Why didn’t you tell me about this?’ Fitz whispered to her. ‘Dude, you don’t get to ask that,’ Keefe told him.” (505) Fitz can ask whatever the hell he wants. Especially concerning a group that they are all fighting. Telling someone they don’t get to ask why something was hidden from them is so completely out of line. And guess who calls Keefe out on this? Nobody.

“‘Because I seem to remember you having a bummer few weeks and then everything went back to perfect Vacker-land. So where’s my perfect fix?’” (505) Keefe disregards other people’s feelings and problems if he sees them as not as bad as his own. Now, you might be thinking, didn’t Fitz lash out at Sophie during Exile? Why isn’t that bad? Well, that’s not as bad because Fitz realizes what he did was wrong, apologizes for what he did and tries his hardest to improve and develop. You’ll notice we don’t get a similar heartfelt apology from Keefe for this incredibly hurtful and invalidating statement, or anything else he does or says throughout this book.

[cut because character limit]

“She knew Keefe didn’t want to talk to her, but when she saw his lights on she couldn’t walk away.” (507) Another piece of evidence suggesting that Sophie paid way more attention to Keefe and spent way more time making sure he knew she was there for him than she did with Fitz and Biana in a similar situation. Here Keefe is mad at her, not wanting to see her, and she still tries too hard to make him see reason, which is not something she does with anyone else. And that is another thing I hate about Keefe: Shannon shows clear favoritism toward him. He gets let off the hook for things other people don’t. He gets Sophie trying and trying and trying to make him see reason when he’s mad. And later, he gets a plotline all to himself, and takes up so much page time, it squeezes the other characters out. You can already see it in this book. 

“[ . . . ] she could’ve sworn he muttered something about Sophitz.” (510) Keefe is a horrific friend. He tears Sophie and Fitz’s cognate relationship (and friendship) down every chance he gets, and nobody calls him out on his incredibly possessive behavior.

“‘How are you going to get inside the city? And if you do get in—what then? You don’t even know where you’re going.’ ‘I’ll figure it out.’” (560) Keefe is so unbelievably stupid. The justification Shannon gave was that the guilt is making him reckless, but recklessness doesn’t equal stupidity. And when Sophie asks him perfectly valid questions, he says “I’ll figure it out”, meaning he put not a single thought into this. He’s really so arrogant that he thinks he can just walk into Ravagog with no plan and steal the cure. God, he’s so stupid, they should just leave him out of their plans for everyone’s safety. Stupid characters are a particular pet peeve of mine, so if I seem angrier than I should be, that’s why.

“‘Fine. I’ll wait until tomorrow night,’ he said. ‘Then I’m leaving.’” (561) Sophie didn’t even manage to completely dissuade him, she just stalled him. That proves that Sophie can’t save him from himself. Nobody can. And later, Keefe puts so much more than himself at risk. He has Sophie constantly worrying about him, so his actions affect her, too. That’s selfish behavior. And how much does he grow from it? I’m sure you can guess. 

“‘Yeah, this is why I should go by myself,’ Keefe said. The suggestion was met with a resounding ‘No!’ But Sophie knew Keefe wasn’t going to listen. If she didn’t figure something out, he would go alone.” (564) They just talked through all the challenges of their plan, none of which Keefe has a solution to, yet he’s still arrogant enough to believe that he can do it all himself. Stupid characters that think they’re great are the worst kind of character to me. The fact that Keefe genuinely thinks he can sneak past ogres and find the cure is mind boggling. He thinks he’s so great that he won’t get caught, but we know he would’ve. Someone is going to pop out of the ground and say “Well, he’s only fourteen!!!” Yeah, he’s fourteen, but this is straight stupidity, not youthful naivete. And the fact that Sophie specifically thinks to herself that he’ll go if they don’t figure something out just proves how selfish he is. Nobody wants him to go alone. He’s not achieving anything for anyone, and his actions do more harm than good. So, no, his actions are not selfless. More so the opposite than anything. He’s doing something that nobody wants and nobody needs. Except himself, of course. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Oh good, Bangs Boy decided to join us,’ Keefe grumbled [ . . . ]” (570) Instead of being grateful for extra help that could get them out alive, Keefe continues to take shots at Tam for no reason. No reason other than he’s strangely possessive of Sophie, of course. Also, can I just say that Shannon wrote this rivalry so poorly? It’s not even a rivalry. It’s completely one-sided. And in later books, Shannon tries so hard to convince us that Keefe and Tam don’t like each other and it’s this whole thing and it’s all drama and this and that and the other. But she puts so little effort into describing why they don’t like each other that it falls so flat. Tam doesn’t even dislike Keefe. My guess is that he just (rightfully) sees Keefe as a nuisance. So really, it’s just Keefe that has this pathetic hatred for Tam, while Tam barely even acknowledges Keefe. As he should. But that’s just a guess. To know for sure, Shannon would actually have to focus on characters that aren’t Sophie and Keefe, so. 

“‘How do we know his little Shade tricks are even going to work?’” (572) Valid point, but Keefe is so unnecessarily mean and rude with that comment.

“Keefe snorted. ‘How does it feel to be rejected by dust?’ ‘Pretty good, actually,’ Tam snapped back, ‘since it means I can survive this mission.’” (573) Yeah, get his ass. About time someone called Keefe’s constant whining out. Keefe continues to haggle on Tam’s power, which will no doubt save his life several times, for no other reason than his pathetic hatred for Tam. 

“‘I could be back with the cure while the rest of you guys are still sleeping.’” (575) Words cannot describe how much I want Keefe to try to do just that, so the ogres can lock him in a cell and we never have to see him or his stupidity or arrogance again.

“Dude, you did not just insult the Hair.’” (581) Have some more cringy Keefe humor.

“Sophie couldn’t fight back her sob as Keefe handed Alvar the cache.” (661) We’ve at last arrived at the famous betrayal scene. And this is Keefe’s most selfish, asshole-ish action yet. First of all, it’s not him who was entrusted with the safety of the cache. It was Sophie. Which means that by handing over the cache, he puts her in massive potential danger with the Council, not himself. But that’s typical Keefe behavior. Thinking about how your actions will affect the people around you? Never heard of her. If the Council entrusted the cache to him, then it would be somewhat less selfish, because he’s the one that would then be in trouble with the Council. So he puts Sophie in danger and tosses the world’s most important secrets to a terrorist group without a thought in the direction of how he’s going to get it back. And for what? For the miniscule chance that the Neverseen would trust him and he could learn something important enough to finish this? That’s the thing with Keefe. He’s stupid, but he doesn’t think he is. He takes huge risks where the reward can’t in any scenario measure up to the price. It was a stupid risk. Not in any capacity could anything he learned ever measure up. But of course, Keefe thinks it’s brilliant. Because, you know. He’s stupid. Tell me why anyone trusts this guy again? Oh, and in case you think that Keefe learns or grows from this mistake, just you wait.

“‘I have to do this,’ he said. ‘Please don’t hate me.’” (663) Keefe has no right to ask this of Sophie in this scenario. He’s chosen his path, and that was his choice. He will and should suffer the consequences of that choice. Including all the people who now see him as a traitor. But of course, since this is Keefe, he doesn’t suffer a single consequence, and Sophie never truly hates him, although that would’ve encouraged at least a single iota of development for Keefe’s arc. 

Lodestar

“‘Sorry my note was so hasty. Next time I’ll make sure it rhymes.’” Sorry, no more page numbers, I don’t have a physical copy. I don’t know why Shannon insists on running the rhyming joke into the ground. Repeating the same joke over and over doesn’t make it funnier. 

So the thing about this scene where Keefe breaks into the principal’s office is that he does get held somewhat accountable. Every time he makes a joke and isn’t serious, Sophie calls him out. When he plays dumb and says he didn’t expect Sophie to hate him, she calls him out. He tries to defend his atrocious plan, she shuts him down. But that doesn’t last. 

“And there it was. Keefe’s guilt.” I still don’t understand what Keefe is guilty over. Because Shannon doesn’t bother to make it make sense. No logical person would feel guilty over their parent’s betrayal. Especially not when they didn’t like that parent much to start with. But how else are we going to get our precious forced consolation scenes, if Shannon can’t make up something for Keefe to angst over?

“‘What is the Lodestar Initiative?’ she pressed. ‘And what other lost memories did you recover? You said there were more.’ ‘It doesn’t matter.’ ‘Obviously it does.’” Sophie tries to get solid answers from Keefe and he continues to withhold. These aren’t just any old personal secrets either, they’re secrets that have something to do with the enemy they’re both fighting. By keeping this information away from Sophie, Keefe actively hinders her cause. But of course, he’s so stupid and arrogant and thinks he knows what’s best for Sophie that he’ll never see it that way. He is such a frustrating character and this book is almost the worst portrayal of him. 

“‘There’s always a choice, Keefe.’ ‘Yeah—I’m going to find a way to end this on my terms. That’s my choice.’” Wow, Keefe is such an arrogant idiot. He really just admitted that he was the only person he was going to listen to. Not anyone smarter than him, more experienced than him, hell, not even Sophie, who he’s supposedly doing this for. No, it’s just his way or the highway. Because he thinks he’s smarter than everyone else. Including their enemies, who have proven time and time again to be at least twenty-two steps ahead. He doesn’t even bring up his plan with the Black Swan. They might’ve taught him or told him something that could help. But no. He does it all himself, but he only cares about his own opinion, and Sophie’s. Oh and by the way, Sophie doesn’t call him out on any of this this time around.

“‘What happens when they notice it’s gone?’ He shrugged.” He literally just admitted he didn’t have a plan. That’s his thing. He’ll do something reckless (like giving Sophie the pendant back) and then not think about the consequences. He is so stupid, it hurts my soul. I cannot fathom how he manages to entertain this delusion that he can beat the Neverseen single-handedly. 

“‘You’d rather keep hurting the people who care about you?’ ‘I’m helping you!’ ‘And hurting us.’” He’s not helping. At all. Helping would be executing a plan that everyone agreed was a good idea. Helping would be brainstorming ideas for a plan with a group, so they can figure out all the pros and cons and go from there. Helping would be being there for the people that need him. But, no. Keefe instead embarks on a selfish quest to end things all by himself so that he can feel good about himself and maybe even so that Sophie will think highly of him. He doesn’t care about anyone else, he just cares about himself. If he did care about other people, he would consult them and consider their advice instead of disregarding it and assuming he’s the smartest person in the room, when in actuality, he’s most likely the stupidest. By a lot.

[cut because character limit]

“‘That’s what I’d been hoping for. But [Fitz] didn’t even raise his voice. He just looked away so I wouldn’t see him crying. So did Biana. Even Dex teared up.’ Seconds ticked by. Maybe minutes. It felt like forever before Keefe whispered, ‘What about you?’ [ . . . ] ‘I also helped you escape,’ Keefe reminded her.” Another thing that is so irritating about Keefe is how he doesn’t care about anyone except Sophie and puts her on this pedestal. He doesn’t care about any of his friends as much as he does Sophie, and he only bothers opening up to her. He doesn’t try to form a bond with anyone else, and he neglects all his other friends for Sophie. In this example, when Sophie tells him how the others reacted, he simply changes the subject back to her, instead of saying something about the others. When Sophie tells him how she reacted, he acts interested again. 

“‘Even if it is, the things you’re doing are real. That cache could destroy everything. And you handed it over like it was no big deal—’ ‘Because it wasn’t! They can’t open it. They’ve had all their Technopaths working on it, and they can’t break through the security.’ ‘And when they finally figure it out?’ ‘I’ll steal it back long before that happens. I can handle this, Sophie.’” No, he can’t. He’s proven that he’s incapable of thinking even an inch into the future, with his response to the monocle pendant situation. There’s no feasible way Keefe could’ve known how incompetent the Neverseen’s Technopaths are at getting into the cache. He’d never even heard of a cache before Neverseen. So it could’ve backfired massively. And how is he going to steal it back? He has no plan. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.

“‘It’s not a test. They . . . sent me here.’ ‘Why would they do that?’ Keefe’s eyes returned to the ceiling. ‘Probably because I suggested it.’” So let me get this straight: Keefe told the Neverseen to send him to Foxfire where all his friends go to school, and he thinks they didn’t find that suspicious at all? I'm laughing. Honestly, that’s hilarious.

“‘Miss Foster understands Mr. Sencen in ways the rest of us simply cannot. [ . . . ] He opened up to her. Leaned on her. Trusted her.’” Yes, because she wouldn’t leave him alone. Which is not a level of effort she put into anyone else’s problems. Think about when Fitz was spiraling over his father in Exile. Or when Fitz got stabbed. She didn’t pay nearly as much attention as she did to Keefe in his times of crisis. Again, Shannon has a massive bias toward Keefe. He’s treated much better than the rest of the supporting cast. But somehow, despite that, he doesn’t get any development at all. And the reason Keefe opened up to Sophie and nobody else is because he only cares about her opinion, and nobody else’s. He pedestalizes her heavily.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Need I remind you that Keefe’s doing the same thing our daughter tried to do?’” Oh, boy. I hate when people use this argument. In short, while Jolie and Keefe had the same plan, their executions couldn’t have been more different. Jolie was reached out to by both sides and the Neverseen had no idea that she was involved with the Black Swan at all. The Neverseen are well aware of Keefe’s involvement with the Black Swan. So, where Jolie just had to get the Neverseen to trust her, Keefe has to convince them that he betrayed his friends, a much harder task. Jolie also had a feasible motive, to get her bad match status erased. Keefe doesn’t have anything even resembling a possible reason for why he’d want to join the Neverseen. So the Neverseen are going to be even more suspicious of him. Jolie trained. She told the Black Swan what she was doing. She planned. Eventually, she got the Black Swan’s approval and she had their help. Keefe, on the other hand, did not do a single modicum of actually valuable training. He didn’t tell anyone, and he didn’t talk his plan through with the group. Nobody thought it was a good idea, and nobody’s helping him. He’s completely on his own. Keefe also has to live with them, which Jolie never did. That’s more opportunities to slip up, and a small difference like that can add up. And I know I’ll sound like a broken record, but Keefe is just. So stupid. He doesn’t think about his actions and their consequences, just barrels right into them. Jolie has proven to be very clever, leaving a list of clues that she knew only a Black Swan member would be able to find. 

“‘Oh good—so the thing That Boy stole is putting all of us in more danger,’ Grady muttered.” For the record, I find Grady to be an incredibly immature guardian, with what and his calling Keefe “That Boy”. But that’s not what I’m here for right now. And he does make a good point right here. Keefe is putting them all in danger, and he doesn’t even know if what he’s doing will have any sort of payout.

“How does Fitz not pee his pants every time you do this—or wait, DOES HE?” This book easily gets it the worst when it comes to Keefe’s humor. The potty humor is at an all-time high, and Keefe is even more cringy and annoying than usual.

“Besides—if she was going to trust Keefe, she had to trust him.” Why??? He didn’t do a single thing to earn her trust. Why should she trust him??? This shouldn’t be about Sophie’s feelings, they’re in the middle of a war, and that’s what should matter. Keefe has compromised a very important piece of intelligence, so she shouldn’t be trusting him at all. “Oh, but he's her friend!” Yes, he’s her friend, but the war is always more important than foolishly placing your trust in the wrong hands because of . . . feelings.  

“[Keefe] Luck had nothing to do with it. I planned it perfectly. [Sophie] That’s exactly the kind of overconfidence that’s going to get you killed. [Keefe] Not necessarily.” He really thinks he didn’t get lucky and that the whole thing was because of his “perfect” planning. But no plan is perfect. That fact that Keefe doesn’t know that is proof as to why he shouldn’t be doing this. A good planner understands that every plan has inherent risks and never, ever gets cocky because something can always go wrong. Keefe’s just not willing to see the risks to his plans. And that makes him dangerous. And so, so stupid.

“Yep—it’s a date. Tell your boyfriends not to be jealous.” Have some more cringy Keefe-style flirtation. 

[cut because character limit]

“[Sophie] Keefoster? [Keefe] Sounds way cooler than Sophitz or Dophie, right? And don’t even get me started on Bangs Boy.” Keefe’s cringy ship name humor is back at it again. I’m pretty sure he uses ship names more than the entire fandom combined. God, Shannon needs to stop using him to pat herself on the back. Keefe once again displays jealousy toward not only Tam, but Fitz and Dex. He subtly tells Sophie that she should be with him, not any of them, which is so utterly out of line that I don’t even have the words to describe how much I want to punch him in the face for his possessiveness. It’s not his right to tell her that. Also, objectively speaking, Keefoster sounds atrocious. It also sounds like “Keefe Foster”, and I’m sure Shannon is patting herself on the back for seeming so subtle. Sokeefe is a much better ship name, but is never actually brought up in the series. If Shannon intends to continue with this atrocious in-story ship-name-dropping, she could at least use a good one.

“[Keefe] [  . . . ] it is kinda nice having someone look out for me. [Sophie] You don’t make it easy. [ . . . ] His floating thoughts made it clear how determined he was to protect her.” Yippee, another forced consolation scene! Sophie and Keefe basically tell each other that they’re out to protect each other. Sophie says Keefe doesn’t make it easy on her, which is true. He takes advantage of her trust, runs into dangerous situations without a care in the direction of how it’ll affect Sophie’s mental state. And Keefe doing this whole thing to protect Sophie . . . no. Just no. He’s already admitted he’s doing this because he’s only willing to do it his way. He wants to do this for a multitude of selfish reasons, one of which is Sophie’s opinion of him and his character, which is not the same as doing something “for Sophie”. He’s doing it for himself. He doesn’t care about Sophie’s opinion on what he should do, or he would’ve listened to her. And the part about how it’s “nice [to have] someone look[ing] out for [Keefe]” is just. I can’t even. Keefe is so whiny. Plenty of people care about and look out for him. The Black Swan, frustrating as they are, Alden and Della, his friends, even Grady and Edaline. But of course the only one he cares about is Sophie. Because he only cares about Sophie’s opinion of him and nobody else’s. 

“You can ignore it all you want, Foster, but sooner or later you’re going to have to solve the triangle. Or should we get real and call it a square?” Fantastic, some more horrible Keefe flirtation! Also my feelings on authors using the term “love square/triangle” in their books is pretty much the same as my feelings about authors using ship names in their books. It’s so pick-me, like Look! I acknowledged the love triangle in my own book! Aren’t I the greatest? Isn’t that so self-aware of me?

“There you go, rocking the whole adorable-when-you’re-angry thing. I think that’s what I’ve missed about you the most.” Keefe infantilizes Sophie by saying she’s cute when she’s angry. She is trying to express her feelings, and all Keefe can do is be all Awwwwww. Isn’t that so cute? She’s angry! How adorable. It’s a form of invalidating someone’s feelings, by treating them like they’re just entertainment or by brushing them off like that. It’s some of the most manipulative behavior out there. It also saves Keefe from having to actually take Sophie’s feelings into account. His infantilization of her also shows up in his incessant need to protect her. It’s icky and gross, and authors should stop encouraging this behavior.

“Yes, I will call you Lady Lectures-a-Lot every time you transmit to me.” Have another example of Keefe’s cringy-ass nickname humor. 

“[Sophie] And can you focus for one second? [Keefe] I suppose I can try. . . . ” Keefe continues to try to frustrate and annoy Sophie on purpose. You know, for his own entertainment. As good friends do.

[cut because character limit]

“‘We also found my favorite bramble jersey,’ Fitz added. ‘I knew he stole it.’” Because stealing your best friend’s personal possessions and never giving them back is a completely normal thing to do. 

"But she needed to see Wylie’s memories for herself and make sure Keefe wasn’t there.” Here’s an example of Keefe’s decisions impacting Sophie. Her mental health has been on a decline the entire time she was at Dex’s; all she thinks about is whether Keefe will be involved and whether he’ll be able to trick the Neverseen and how he’ll get out of this one. All she does is worry, worry, worry. And it’s all on Keefe. He didn’t take Sophie’s advice into account when he made his decision (which he would’ve done if he truly cared about her) and it’s affecting Sophie.

“‘I know you’re going to get mad at me for saying this. But before we keep trusting him, we need to find out what he knows—and I don’t just mean the little bits he tells you during your nightly flirt sessions.’ ‘That’s not what they are,’ Sophie snapped. ‘Maybe not for you. But I doubt the guy who calls himself the president of the Foster Fan Club is going to have a bunch of private convos with you and not use that chance to try to keep winning you over.’” Exactly. Thank you, Tam. Finally, someone in the story who gets it.

“‘Keefe—we’re serious,’ Sophie said. ‘Oh, I know. Fitz is giving me his “I’m so serious” scowl. And you’re hitting me with a whole mess of emotions.’” Can’t believe I have to put up with Keefe again after all this page time without him. And does he know that? Does he really? Because if he knew, he would be serious. But Keefe is incapable of acting serious, even when the time calls for it. All he can do is joke. 

“‘We need to make sure you weren’t involved.’ Keefe rolled his eyes. ‘Would I be here if I was?’” Yes??? He could do all kinds of things. And Fitz was perfectly valid when he said that they needed to make sure Keefe wasn’t involved. Keefe is currently working with the enemy. It’s as simple as that. It’s not unreasonable to want to know if he was involved with one of their plans. On the other hand, it is unreasonable for Keefe to ask them to put all their trust and faith in him when he’s working with their enemies. He needs to stop demanding everyone change to accommodate him, and accept the consequences of his actions. 

“‘I would never be in your position,’ Fitz argued. ‘Yeah, you’re better at taking the easy way.’” No, he’s better at taking the smart, unselfish way. He’s better at not throwing everyone’s faith and trust in him down the drain because he wants to be the hero. 

“‘They have a network that stretches way farther than you could ever imagine. I’ve only seen a tiny piece of it, and it’s seriously terrifying. I can’t fight it without making some hard calls!’” By Keefe’s own admission, the Neverseen’s organization skills, plans, and goals are “seriously terrifying”. And yet, he thinks he alone can defeat them by working from the inside out. He also uses the word “I”, like he thinks he’s the only one. A Freudian slip if I’ve ever seen one. No, Keefe, you are not the only one fighting the Neverseen. 

“Uh, hello—you have me. I know I got a few details wrong yesterday [ . . . ]” Keefe says he got “a few details wrong” as if those few details didn't result in someone getting tortured. He’s incredibly incompetent, but trying to hide it. He’s got it flipped, actually. He got the plan as a whole wrong, and only got a few details correct. He didn’t get any actually useful information, and still thinks they should rely on him despite the fact that he’s proven he has nothing useful to offer. Because he’s stupid and arrogantly wants to believe that his way is the best way.

“‘Dude, are you blushing?” Fitz asked. ‘Only because I can feel what Foster’s feeling,’ Keefe snapped back. Sophie rolled her eyes. ‘I’m not feeling anything.’” Nothing particularly wrong with this, just this exchange makes me cringe every time. But that’s subjective.

[cut because character limit]

“[Sophie] You get why we had to make sure, right? [Keefe] It’s still not awesome knowing you guys sat around talking about how you don’t trust me. [Sophie] You don’t make it easy.” They can’t trust him. This is bigger than Keefe’s pathetic boo-hoo-my-friends-don’t-trust-me. They would if they could. He ran off and joined the enemy and they’re in the middle of a war. They have to think with logic, not emotion, and logic always says that anyone working with the enemy can’t be trusted and must be treated as such. It’s not a personal attack on Keefe. But Keefe will always see it that way.

“I can’t worry about that, Foster. I can’t think about what-ifs or maybes. I can only take it one day at a time—one assignment at a time—and fight my way through.” Did- Did Keefe just admit he doesn’t plan ahead? And try to spin it so it looks like a good thing? This is the guy they’re supposed to be trusting??? This is the guy that thinks he’s smarter than the Neverseen, who, by his own admission, have networks that stretch farther than the mind can comprehend? Serious???

“And ten minutes ago you thought I was Wylie’s fourth kidnapper. Remind me to thank Bangs Boy for that the next time I see him. And the Fitzster.” Thank them for making a logical decision? During a war? Yes, you should. 

“[Keefe] Aw, come on, Foster. I’m the cute guy who chooses to save the kids, remember? How can you resist me? [Sophie] Who said anything about cute? [Keefe] It totally goes without saying. Don’t even try to deny it.” Keefe’s flirtation is back and cringier than ever!

“[Keefe] And in the meantime, maybe I need to lose this cloak and see what happens. . . . [Sophie] Bad idea—especially after you took such a risk to meet with us today. [Keefe] There you go again with your logic. It’s really cramping my style.” First of all, why does Sophie need to tell him that losing the cloak is such a bad idea when Keefe himself literally said a few pages ago that it was a bad idea? Is he really that drawn to ideas that seem stupid? Is he really so arrogant that he thinks he can get away with that a second time? And secondly, here’s another example of Shannon using the same joke again and again.

“Ugh. I guess you do need to see that memory, don’t you?” This isn’t the best quote (said by Keefe, for context) to represent what I’m about to say, but oh, well. I can’t copy this entire scene down because this goes on for a while, but Keefe literally stalls on his end of the bargain he makes with Sophie for quite a long time. He considered not even holding up his end, even though Sophie had already held up hers. He only relents when he realizes Sophie needs to see the memory. Which is not good. It shows that he can’t be trusted to hold up his side of a deal unless he decides he needs to. 

“Keefe turned away, watching the waves crash onto the beach. ‘I don’t want you feeling sorry for me.’ ‘I can’t help it. But it’s not pity. It’s . . . I don’t know what the word for it is. I’m too conflicted.’” So, remember that quote I wrote in blue? We’re circling back to it. I said that Keefe is constantly feeling sorry for himself and that the scene just drowns in his self-pity. Shannon then realizes that this isn’t really a good thing necessarily, and her solution is just to have Keefe say that he doesn’t want Sophie feeling sorry for him. This is a sentiment that continues through the story, where Keefe claims he hates people pitying him. But that’s just Shannon telling us that. What she shows us is a completely different story, and that reveals that Keefe does nothing but wallow in his own self-pity, usually during his forced consolation scenes. It doesn’t matter that Keefe apparently doesn’t want anyone to pity him, because Shannon spends so much time trying to convince you to pity him that the whole thing falls flat. There are several more instances of this, but for now I’ll just write this in blue as well, because these two quotes are connected in one larger point I’m trying to make. 

[cut because character limit]

“[Keefe] Wow. That’s just . . . He burst into a fit of snorty giggles. [Sophie] I’m glad you find this so amusing. [Keefe] You don’t? Don’t tell me you actually believe him.” This isn’t about whether or not something sounds strange or funny or ridiculous. It’s about whether or not it’s plausible. At this point in time, it was very plausible that Keefe was created as a counter to Project Moonlark, even though he’s older than Sophie. So they were treating it like a real possibility. But Keefe laughs at it, because it sounds stupid to him. He doesn’t even consider it. Just immediately discards the possibility. Which isn’t a good thing. It’s a very close-minded attitude to have. Which is not good in the middle of a war.

“‘They know I’m here,’ Keefe told her. ‘There’s an ogre enzyme that stinks like the entire world is rotting, and I may have accidentally knocked a vial of it into the laundry basin while I was washing Fintan’s favorite cloaks. It can only be removed with selkie skin, so they sent me to get what I need to clean up my mess.’” I’m laughing so hard. Collecting selkie skin probably isn’t going to take more than a few minutes, and they’ve been talking a long time, so the Neverseen are definitely going to be suspicious of him. Honestly, this plan is even dumber than I remember.

“‘And I used those five seconds to drop off the bead before I headed here. It was perfect.’” Every time Keefe describes a stupid part of his plan and then refers to his plan as “perfect”, I take psychic damage. Smart people know that no plan is ever perfect. So the fact that Keefe thinks his plan is shows why he isn’t ready to be a double agent.

“‘Woo-hoo for bonus Keefoster time! Try not to get jealous, Fitzy. She still likes you better than me—but someday I will wear her down. I’m sneaky like that.’” Was- Was that a real line??? That Shannon actually wrote??? And then didn’t immediately erase? Keefe is such a jerk. This line proves he just sees Sophie as the rope in the tug-of-war he’s playing with Fitz. He doesn’t care about her. He just wants to “wear her down”, as if a real person with real emotions is something he can just mess around with until he gets what he wants.

“You’re so cute when you worry, he told her.” More classic Keefe infantilization. He once again invalidates Sophie’s feelings by dumbing them down and acting like they’re this cute, quirky, inconsequential thing.

“Fine. Forgive me for trying to have a little fun after yesterday’s drama.” Did you know. That it’s possible. To have fun. Without infantilizing others? More of Keefe’s jokes being mean/rude/generally atrocious behavior.

“[Keefe] She puts Bangs Boy to shame—and she doesn’t have stupid hair. [Sophie] I thought she always hid under her cloak. [Keefe] She does. But as the crowned king of good-hair land, I can tell when I’m talking to one of my rightful subjects.” Keefe’s jokes about his hair are so painfully unfunny and come off as cocky when Shannon oversteps. Which she does. A lot. We get it, he styles his hair to look a certain way because he’s such a wannabe bad boy. Now can we talk about anything else?

“But after everyone went to sleep, I tore open the seam in my cloak and found another black disk right where you said it would be.” He . . . tore the disk out of the cloak. When they have no idea what it does. And they know the Neverseen put it there for a reason. And he’s trying to be careful. He just tore it out??? How’s he going to put it back in and make everything seem normal again??? Is he really that dumb?

“Actually, I’m pretty sure this is good enough news that you’re going to want to kiss me—and I’m happy to accept an IOU, by the way.” Ah, Keefe, your humor never fails to make me cringe.

“[Keefe] ‘Ode to Keefe Sencen—that brave, lovable nut. He may not have teal eyes, but he has a really cute—’ [Sophie] KEEFE!” Keefe’s favorite pastime of annoying Sophie rears its ugly head once more. Also, will he stop comparing himself to Fitz for two seconds?

[cut because character limit]

“[Keefe] And brace yourself because I’m about to blow your mind. Are you ready for it? [Sophie] I’ve been ready for the last five minutes. [Keefe] You think you’re ready. But there’s no way you possibly can be. [Sophie] JUST TELL ME.” More of Keefe annoying Sophie just for the heck of it. I honestly don’t understand why she’d constantly want to be around someone who’s so annoying, it makes no sense.

“Just like I haven’t gotten any more info about the ogres’ test, or King Dimitar’s meeting with Fintan, or Fintan’s cache, or any of the things I can’t get anyone to talk about [ . . . ]” I don’t understand how Keefe is so stupid that he can see all this evidence right in front of him, even admit it to Sophie, and still think his plan to join the Neverseen was a good one. I- He’s just so stupid. He just ignores every. Single. Red. Flag. Just because he thinks he’s smarter than everyone else. You cannot trust someone this tone-deaf. You just can’t. I don’t know why the narrative keeps pushing the idea that Keefe just needs Sophie’s trust and he’ll be fine. Can’t he understand that Sophie just cannot trust him? That it’s just not possible?

“[Keefe] I did warn you. I just didn’t know the specifics. [Sophie] I know. But that’s the thing neither of us have wanted to admit. If you can’t give the specifics, everything you’re doing is worthless.” How stupid do you have to be to have to have that spelled out for you? You need to give specific warnings or they’re worthless. But Keefe needs to believe what he’s doing is worth something. How else will he keep his head inflated?

“He thought she didn’t have a plan, and that everything she’d said was just an angry rant.” Wow. Just wow. Keefe doesn’t trust Sophie, nor does he listen to Sophie. He only listens to himself. Sophie just admitted that to herself. By not listening to her and taking her advice to heart, he invalidates her feelings and her plans for his own. Now, why is Sophie’s plan better than Keefe’s, logically speaking? Because Sophie has a specific idea of what she’s going to do now. Keefe doesn’t. And he doesn’t listen to her or take anything she says into consideration. If he genuinely believes he’s doing this “for Sophie”, he’s seriously delusional. 

“Is this going to be another one of those nights where you spend the whole time yelling at me to come home? Keefe asked, making her sit up straighter as his thoughts filled her head. Because as much as I love it when you get all feisty on me, now’s really not a good time.” God, Keefe is so subtly invalidating. He treats Sophie like she’s just his personal worry machine, not a person with valid concerns and ideas. The flippant way he talks about her worry for him makes me so mad. He takes her worry for granted and throws it back in her face, without a care for how it would affect her mental health. He brushes her off and invalidates her because he thinks he’s so much smarter than everyone else. Not to mention he calls her worry “feisty” and further infantilizes her feelings and ideas. 

“‘Dude, save your daddy issues for another time,’ Tam ordered. ‘Fintan doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t trust you. And if you go back to him, he’ll destroy you.’ Keefe’s eye roll was epic. ‘Don’t you need to go fix your bangs or something?’” In case you need more proof that Keefe is the stupidest, most pathetic idiot ever. First of all, Tam brings up a valid point. And Keefe’s response is to make a personal attack. You know, because he’s stupid and has nothing actually good to say in response. He’s completely pathetic, with his stupid rivalry with Tam clouding all his judgment. He treats Tam’s suggestion like it’s stupid because . . . Tam is the one who said it. He can’t even dignify Tam with a proper counterargument. He is so stupid, I can’t stand it. He doesn’t know when to stop joking around or when to stop taking shots at people. He’s straight-up mean, and this isn’t even a time to be joking. This is a serious situation, and all Keefe can think about is this pathetic animosity he has toward Tam. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Please don’t do this,’ she begged. ‘If you leave here with that crystal, you’ll trap us—and you’ll compromise Alluveterre.’ ‘The Black Swan can sacrifice one hideout for what this will get me,’ Keefe said. ‘And you can teleport. There has to be a cliff around here you can jump off to get the momentum.’” Yes, what this will get you. What that’ll get you is . . . something that you turned over to the Neverseen yourself (Kenric’s cache). This whole mess is Keefe’s fault. If he had just been less stupid, he wouldn’t have to sacrifice the Black Swan’s hideout to get the caches. Yes, Fintan’s cache would be a gain, but it’s not strictly necessary or needed. Nobody asked him to get it, he just arbitrarily decided that it’s what they need. You know, because he thinks they need it. He doesn’t understand risk or reward, and he doesn’t understand that some things aren’t worth sacrificing. Other people will have different opinions on whether or not something’s worth something else, but Keefe doesn’t do teamwork. He hijacks plans, then ruins them. He works off of what he, an inexperienced, scared, reckless teenager, thinks is best. Then he executes his atrocious plans without a drop of consideration from anyone else. 

“[ . . . ] but I’m even better at fixing things.’” No, no you’re not, Keefe. When has he ever fixed a single thing, up until this point in the story? Never. He’s only ever tried to do things that would get him killed but then is always stopped by Sophie. No, not stopped. Stalled. Even Sophie can’t reel him in. He’s only ever made Sophie go out of her mind with worry over him. He has no credibility to say that he’s ever “fixed” something. It’s simply untrue. The truth is: Keefe messes things up way more than he fixes them. 

“‘[ . . . ] know that I will end this.’” Keefe still thinks he’s everyone’s savior, he still thinks he’s the hero they all need, instead of the idiot all their carefully arranged plans are ruined by. I have never seen such a stupid, idiotic, arrogant, blind character. But maybe I just need to read more.

“You realize I’m not actually pooping, right? I mean, I know we’ve shared a lot of things, but I don’t think poop should be one of them—unless it’s sparkly and from an alicorn. Or blasting like a geyser out of a gulon.” Keefe knows Sophie is mad at him, and knows he should be grateful she’s even reaching out to him, and yet all he does is make the stupidest, unfunniest jokes to annoy her. It’s like he’s trying to sabotage his relationship with her. Also, Shannon’s use of potty humor never fails to feel incredibly out of place and so, so juvenile. 

“It doesn’t matter what I think. It’s not like you listen to me. The thought had a snap to it, and Sophie could see Keefe’s mind sting. But she wasn’t going to apologize.” Good. She shouldn’t. He deserves to feel that “sting”. All he’s done is ruin things, worry Sophie, and think he’s the greatest ever. He deserves to be put in his place. This isn’t even half of what he deserves. 

““I’ll be outside Lumenaria as soon as I bust out of here. I don’t care if there are patrols, I’ll find a way to evade them. I want to be close—that way if you need me, I can help.” Keefe, you realize you can’t just bypass security, right??? Like, they’re experts, and you’re a stupid teenager. You can’t just hide from them forever. Also, wow. The sheer arrogance Keefe needs to have to assume that Sophie’s going to need him, and him in particular. He still sees himself as Sophie’s savior.

[cut because character limit]

“[Sophie] I wish he wasn’t coming here, she told Mr. Forkle. It’s way too risky, and he’s only doing it because he feels like he needs to make everything up to me. [Mr. Forkle] He does need to make it up to you. Haven’t you realized that yet? That’s why you and Mr. Sencen work so well together. You both push each other to believe in yourselves. Don’t go easy on him now because you’re afraid he’s too fragile. The more you let him prove himself, the more he’ll realize he’s still worthy.” He does need to make everything up to Sophie, but Mr. Forkle is just. So wrong. If someone consistently ruins everything, they shouldn’t be given several more chances to prove that they’re “still worthy”, especially not without some additional reflection on their actions and especially not in a high-stakes war. They’ll just mess everything up again??? That should be common sense to a leader of a rebel group. Keefe needs to learn his lesson, and the only way to have that happen is to punish him for his actions. He needs to face consequences, and in a way that makes sure he doesn’t screw anything up again. And that’s by forcing him to stand on the sidelines. He cannot be allowed onto the “battlefield”, so to speak, when he actively puts everyone in danger by being there. He needs to understand everything that happened was his fault, and he needs to do something to stop himself from screwing it all up again.

“Keefe’s smile was somehow both breathtaking and heartbreaking, but it faded as he stroked her cheek [ . . . ]” Why is he randomly stroking her cheek when she just got up??? It’s so weird. Nobody does that. It’s weird and he needs to stop. And no, “they’re good friends” is not a good excuse. It’s incredibly strange to start touching someone’s face out of the blue. I can practically see Shannon patting herself on the back and thinking it makes their bond so much stronger. Really, it makes it so much creepier.

“‘All those months with them, thinking I was playing everything perfectly. I bet they were onto me the whole time. Just like my mom said. And they were planning this.’ He punched the sand, sending it spraying around them. Sophie held him tighter. ‘This is not your fault, Keefe. None of us realized what they were up to.’” Ah, another forced consolation scene, my dearly detested! And, look, Shannon even squeezed a “It’s not your fault” in there. While Lumenaria coming down is obviously not Keefe’s fault, it definitely speaks to his ego that he thought he was smarter than the Neverseen. Yes, he’s realizing now that he was wrong, but it doesn’t change the fact that he should still have to face the consequences. He joined the enemy without anybody’s approval. He can’t work with a team without hijacking everything himself and overturning everyone else’s ideas. He should still have to face the consequences of what he did. “I know now that I was wrong” doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t show any real consequence. It shows a tiny bit of growth, but nothing solid or meaningful. It’s a throwaway line that you could honestly miss if you weren’t paying close attention.

“‘It’s still huge,’ Sophie promised. ‘I know it doesn’t feel like it—but the secrets in those caches have to be important. That’s a victory!’ ‘A pretty weak one,’ he grumbled, trying to look away. She reached up and turned his chin back, waiting for him to meet her eyes. ‘You have to let this go. Don’t let this ruin what we have here.’” No, he’s right, Sophie. For once in his life. Sophie tries to comfort Keefe, and this entire scene feels so weak, like Shannon is desperately reaching for drama to fuel her beloved forced consolation scenes. In reality, it’s very simple. The caches have nothing on real-life implications. So, yes, the caches are a victory, but it’s a very, very weak one, and not at all worth the things Keefe did to get them. Also, Sophie grabbing Keefe’s chin like that is very, very weird behavior. Nobody does that with their friends, just grabbing their chins to force them to look at them.

Nightfall

“He’d also been working every day to make up for his mistakes.” Thank you for telling us that instead of showing it, Shannon. If he really felt sorry, he’d understand that he needs to change and stop being so reckless before he can safely be a part of plans and schemes again. If he doesn’t realize that, he’ll never stop putting people in danger.

“So, when Fintan asked for my blood, I told him he needed to prove that I could trust him by answering one question. And once he did, I had to hold up my end of the deal.” In case you’re wondering, the number of things Keefe screwed up during his time with the Neverseen is now: compromising Alluveterre, giving up his blood, freeing Alvar (although we know that probably wouldn’t have mattered, since they got away, but Keefe didn’t know that at the time, so I mean), and being wrong several times about the Neverseen going after Grady and Edaline. 

“But Fintan interrogated me when I got back, and I had to use the crystal to convince him not to burn off my arm.” This is the guy Keefe thought trusted him, by the way. Come on, he can’t be this stupid. 

“[Sophie] Do you really think Fintan would help you steal the caches if they’re actually important? [Keefe] Yeah, Foster. I do. Because he had no idea that he gave me the other piece of the code phrase weeks earlier, after he had too much fizzleberry wine.” Wait, the leader of the Neverseen got drunk in front of a teenager he doesn’t trust, and Keefe didn’t find that suspicious??? At all??? Really??? I can’t believe Keefe is that dumb . . . actually wait. This is Keefe. Never mind, I believe it entirely. 

“Trading my blood was a bad call. But I SWEAR the caches are still a score.” Keefe’s cockiness has come back in full force, y’all. Remember that forced consolation scene at the end of Lodestar where Keefe lamented about how the caches were a weak victory? Well, why bother with consistency? He thinks they’re a “score” now! This is what I mean when I say the forced consolation scenes are so dumb and only there for Shannon to milk some worthless comfort between Sophie and Keefe. She has to force it, which means half the time it makes no sense, so she either has to pretend it didn’t exist and reset for the next one, or contradict herself like she did here. Either way, it will just lead to another forced consolation scene, and eventually there’s only so many times you can take Sophie and Keefe having the same conversation over and over again.

“I’ll fix this, okay? Keefe promised. I’m going to fix everything. You mean ‘we,’ Sophie corrected. WE are going to fix this.” Speak of the devil. Here comes a forced consolation scene. Also the fact that Keefe still believes he’s going to fix everything by himself shows he learned absolutely nothing from his mistakes. It’s Keefe, so why am I surprised that he’s gotten zero character development?

“Does that mean you don’t hate me? Keefe asked. His mental tone sounded softer—almost timid. [Sophie] I told you, I’m never going to hate you, Keefe. [Keefe] But I keep giving you new reasons to change your mind. [Sophie] Yeah, you really need to stop that. She offered him half a smile, and he gave her the same when she added, But we’re in this together.” Wow, Shannon didn’t even take that long to dive into a whole mess of a forced consolation scene, complete with a trademark “Don’t hate me, please”. Again, it makes no sense why Keefe thinks Sophie would hate him. She’s talking to him, isn’t she? And she never stopped. She isn’t mad at him and she doesn’t hate him, and that’s plainly obvious to anyone with a brain. But how else is Shannon going to milk the drama for all it’s worth, if not by repeating the same conversation over and over and making her characters look dumb in the process?

[cut because character limit]

“Sophie fussed with her jeweled sleeves—which matched the emeralds lining the knee-high boots she’d slipped over her lacy gray leggings. Biana had frustratingly pointed out that elaborate clothes would do a better job of disguising her gloves, so Sophie was trying to force herself to get used to wearing glitter and frills. Keefe’s lips tilted into his famous smirk as he crossed the room to stand closer. ‘I meant that as a compliment, Foster. Sparkles look good on you. So does the new hairdo.’” I know this is a (very annoying, very harmful) trope in fiction, but the fact that Sophie is visibly uncomfortable wearing fancy clothes, and Keefe's only response is to be like “Well, it looks good!” is so objectifying and degrading. It shows that he doesn’t particularly care about her feelings or comfort, only the way she looks to him. I get that it’s a trope, but most things about Keefe that I’m criticizing are tropes, so. 

“He reached up, his fingers skating gently along the edge of the intricate braid weaving through the front part of her hair.” Possibly Keefe’s most creepy trait is the way he just . . . randomly touches Sophie. Like completely out of the blue. He’ll just touch her face or hair, which is so strange. Like that isn’t normal, and you shouldn’t be touching someone there without explicit permission. Especially not in such a . . . implicative way.

“‘If you’re trying to impress me, it’s working,’ he told her, and she felt her cheeks warm—until he added, ‘But, you always impress me, so maybe you were thinking of someone else?’” What makes him think she’s dressing up for him specifically, or even for someone else? That’s such an arrogant assumption to make. As if everything Sophie does out of the ordinary must immediately be for him or some other guy. Also, if Sophie and Keefe are so close, why doesn't he know about her plan to dress up to hide her gloves?

“Somehow he’d moved closer, and Sophie’s throat went dry as he reached up and touched her braid again.” Keefe sure invades Sophie’s personal space a lot in this scene. That’s not romantic, by the way. It’s creepy and possessive.

“‘[ . . . ] and while I’m sure you and the Fitzster won’t mind the excuse to stare into each other’s eyes—’ ‘It’s called Cognate training,’ Sophie corrected. ‘And that’s not what we do.’ ‘Keep telling yourself that.’ Sophie ignored him.” Again, Shannon making the same joke over and over again isn’t going to make it funnier. Also, Keefe is once again annoying Sophie because he thinks it’s funny and cool. Sophie having to ignore him shows that she doesn’t want to talk about it.

“‘And yeah, she’s fooled me in the past. But I’ve had a lot of time to think about things, and I’m pretty sure I’ve figured her out.’” You’d think that Keefe would learn not to underestimate a Neverseen member from his double agent catastrophe (and he did, canonically), but of course, Shannon now needs to undo all his (small bit of) character development so he can make the same mistakes over and over. He is so stupid. And arrogant. And so many other things. If he thinks he can outsmart his mom, who’s been playing the long game this entire time, without a care or thought in even the vaguest direction of a plan, then I don’t even know what to say. And his use of the words “I” and “me” prove that he still thinks he can do this all himself. With no input from anyone else. So tell me, where exactly is his development from his failed double agent disaster?

“‘Pretty sure?’ Sophie repeated. ‘You want to risk everything on pretty sure?’ ‘The only thing I’m risking is me.’ ‘Which is way more than I’m willing to lose.’” Again, Keefe doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings about a plan except his. He only wants to barrel his way through life and he’ll do what he believes is the best thing for everyone, regardless of whether or not everyone else agrees. His constant need to risk himself is tiring and repetitive. When is he going to change and grow? It’s also incredibly selfish. He knows how that will affect his friends and loved ones, especially Sophie. And yet, he still wants to do it anyway. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Keefe snorted. “I’m betting Bangs Boy won’t.’ ‘Well, maybe he would if you’d stop calling him Bangs Boy.’ ‘Yeah, but that’s never going to happen.’” Shannon once again makes a pathetic attempt to create this narrative that Keefe and Tam have this mutual dislike of each other and it’s funny because they’re similar and this and that and the other. Again, no, the “rivalry” started when Keefe got jealous of Tam because he saw Tam as competition over Sophie. And Tam doesn’t even hate Keefe. He just finds him an excruciating nuisance. Which he is.

“‘Sorry, Gigantor,’ he said through gritted teeth as he scrambled to the other side of the room. ‘Foolish is my specialty.’” Keefe displays a resistance to valuable character development and change, almost as if Shannon heard complaints about Keefe’s lack of development and doubled down on it, but none is as bad as this book gets it. Keefe adamantly states that “Foolish is [his] specialty”, as if that justifies his actions, and talks about being stupid as if it’s just a quirky little personality trait, not a flaw he needs to work on and fix. It’s not a flex. It’s something that he needs to fix, and as soon as possible, too. He can’t just keep being stupid and, when confronted, say “Well, that’s just how I am, so you’ll have to deal with it”. That is so selfish, I can’t even process it. He displays such a resistance to change, such an arrogant attitude toward himself where he thinks he’s fine the way he is, that even though he actively puts people in danger, he doesn’t see a need to work on himself.

“‘I’m all good now, Foster. Unless you want to try kissing it to make it better.’” Have some more hideously horrific Keefe-style flirtation.

“‘Unleash the lecture! Here, I’ll even start it for you.’ His voice shifted up to an uncanny impersonation of hers. ‘How dare you ambush me, Keefe? I don’t care if you’re the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever seen—WAY better looking than other guys with their dimples or weirdly teal eyes. You had no right to show up and surprise me like that!’” Keefe just can’t stop bashing Fitz or Dex, can he? He’s so possessive that he actively brings down his supposed friends in his quest to gain Sophie’s attention and approval. Tell me, if he’s really meant to end up with Sophie, why does he act so insecure about her friendships with other guys? And the fact that he’s treating a very serious issue like a joke shows, once again, that he cannot be serious. He can’t think about other people for even a millisecond if it means going against his own wishes. And when it’s all over, all he wants to do is joke about it and hope that calms the other person down so he won’t have to face the consequences of his actions. It’s really quite manipulative, if you think about it. Means that he can distract the other person from the fact that he disregarded them and brush it all under the rug. 

“‘Don’t I at least get points for not hailing her by myself, making the deal alone, and running off to Ravagog without you?’” No, because he still forced his own plan onto Sophie and didn’t care about her opinion at all, despite the fact that apparently they’re a team. Remember, Sophie did not have a say in any of this. 

“‘I didn’t want you hesitating because of me, so I thought I’d make the hard decision for you—but everything after that was up to you.’” There is no good justification for taking someone’s choice away from them, and the fact that “everything after that” was “up to” Sophie is irrelevant, because she’d already been forced into a course of action she didn’t believe was correct.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Or maybe you’d rather I put my incredible Empath talents to work and help you solve the complicated square you’re always telling yourself is a triangle?’” More cringy humor that’s Shannon's horrible attempt to be self-aware in her own story, featuring the literal use of the word square and triangle with regards to Sophie’s love life.

“‘Come on, Foster, admit it—that was pretty clever.’” There is nobody on the face of this planet that brags as much as Keefe does when he pulls one tiny, slightly smart thing.

“‘Did the Mysterious Miss F. just agree that I’m a genius? Because that’s what I heard! And it’s filled my heart with all the warmest, softest fuzzies.’” This quote is only a couple pages after the one before and oh, boy. Keefe really can’t stop patting himself on the back for a single good idea. I wonder where that comes from . . . maybe that arrogance I was talking about . . . 

“‘But whatever it takes, it’s going to happen. Do you know why?’ When she didn’t answer, he took both of her hands, and she couldn’t ignore the rush of warmth that tingled through her when she met his eyes. There was no teasing glint to be found. Just pure determination when he told her, ‘Because Team Foster-Keefe is going to win.’” Shannon’s ability to cram forced consolation scenes into just a few lines is truly astounding. First of all, this is incredibly cringy. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Keefe’s dialogue has never been so horrifically embarrassing to read. Also, the way he just randomly grabs her hands and stares into her eyes is so weird and so forced. Isn’t that what he’s always making fun of Sophie and Fitz for? At least they have a good reason. So that also makes him a hypocrite. 

“‘Just the usual,’ Keefe told him. ‘Foster’s going on and on and on about how she can’t live without me. It’s really quite exhausting.’” Keefe’s flirting is at its worst in this book. It’s genuinely so bad, I can’t understand how it can be mistaken for charming or funny. 

“‘His idea of excitement is when he changes the way he parts his hair.’” More examples of Keefe tearing people down using his jokes, even if it’s subtle.

“‘Maybe not run off and join the enemy?’ Fitz suggested. The words were like a record scratch, screeching everyone into awkward silence. This was the first time they’d all been together since Keefe’s betrayal. Keefe cleared his throat. ‘Yeah . . . so . . . about that.’” Keefe only apologizes because Fitz brings it up. He never would’ve done it without that. He doesn’t bring it up himself, so it doesn’t really mean much. Yes, Sophie tries to tell him he doesn’t have to apologize and he still does it, but he wouldn’t have without Fitz bringing up how he ran away. 

“‘I’m sorry. I know you think I’m an idiot for running off. And . . . I guess I am. I thought the fact that my mom had built something she called my “legacy” meant that I was valuable enough to the Neverseen that they’d bring me in on all their plans and I could find a way to stop them. But it turns out I’m worthless.’” He’s not worthless, he’s stupid. And the wording of this is very intentional on Shannon’s part. It’s intentionally worded to attract pity and sympathy. It’s poor Keefe again, being called worthless again, oh, we should all go and feel sorry for him now. He is such a pity magnet. And he didn’t even apologize for the right thing. He apologizes for being stupid, sure, but he never apologizes for disregarding everyone’s feelings and ideas and forcing his own plan into action without consulting others. He never apologizes for not considering others’ feelings. It’s all just me, me, me with him. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘No, you’re not.’ Surprisingly, the words came from Tam. ‘Having a family like yours messes with your head,’ he added, tugging his bangs over his eyes. ‘I know how that goes. You still made a bad call—or lots of bad calls, actually. But . . . if you don’t do it again, we’re cool.’” Oh, and it works! The next line is Tam telling him that it’s not his fault, because his family’s bad! That doesn’t change the fact that Keefe made a decision to not tell anyone what he was planning, deciding to compromise several key pieces of intel so he could get back something he gave away, and generally be very arrogant. He didn’t consult or talk with anybody about it. Yes, Tam acknowledges that Keefe made “bad calls”, but where’s the mention of Keefe’s utter disregard for ideas that aren’t his?

“‘The only reason I’m including Keefe is because his mom seems to want him involved. Why else would she insist we contact her with his blood?’ ‘Plus, y’know, Foster can’t live without me,’ Keefe added. ‘Don’t make me smack you,’ Sophie warned. Keefe smirked. ‘I’d like to see you try.’” First of all, Sophie’s reasoning is chock full of logical fallacies. Yes, Keefe’s mother wants him to be involved, but why does that mean he, in particular, needs to go to Ravagog? They have no information at this point that says that he needs to be the one to go. And why should they listen to Keefe’s mom anyway? They don’t trust her. Also, Keefe annoys Sophie on purpose once again, and his annoying flirting gets even worse. Also, Shannon insists on making the same joke over and over, but this time, the last time he made that joke was less than a chapter ago, so it’s even more annoying. 

“‘Should we take bets on how many stairs Foster makes it up before she trips?’ Keefe asked. ‘I say she’ll lose it on the sixth step.’” Who. Wrote this??? It’s genuinely so bad. I swear, almost everything Keefe says in this book is top tier cringe.

“He snickered. ‘At least this proves I know you better than the Fitzster.’ ‘No, it’s that I have more faith in her,” Fitz corrected. “That’s what being Cognates means.’ ‘And yet, I seem to remember Foster hiding some sort of important secret from you during your trust exercises. Did something change while I was gone, or . . . ?’” Keefe is so weirdly possessive of Sophie. He acts like every single thing is this ridiculous tug-of-war over her with Fitz. He never passes up an opportunity to take shots at Fitz, his supposed best friend. Also, guessing when someone will trip is pure chance. That doesn’t show any sort of bond at all. I’m going to interpret that as a joke, because there’s no way even Keefe is stupid enough to believe that. He prods at Sophie and Fitz’s weak spots (the secret), like he’s hoping it will unravel. All he cares about is putting down Sophie and Fitz’s cognate relationship and bolstering his own relationship with Sophie. It’s such a disgusting yet subtle thing to do. Honestly, if Shannon had handled Keefe better, he could’ve been a character that could be used to teach kids about subtly manipulative and toxic relationships.

“‘Ugh, anyone else ready to vomit from the Fitzphie?’ Keefe asked. ‘I am,’ Dex said, as Linh asked, ‘Did Fitzphie become an actual thing?’ ‘I don’t even know what “Fitzphie” is supposed to mean,’ Tiergan noted. ‘Want me to explain it?’ Tam offered.” Seriously. Who wrote this. Shannon. What. What is this. The excessive use of in-story ship names is atrocious, but Shannon decides to double down on it. Leaving that aside, Keefe expresses a desire to “vomit from the Fitzphie”. Tell me that’s not possessiveness. Keefe is such an atrocious, toxic friend, and Shannon really cranks it up to eleven in this book. All he does is whine about how close Fitz and Sophie are, tear their cognate relationship down, claim his relationship to Sophie is better, and generally act very possessive of Sophie.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Ugh, score one for Fitzphie,’ Keefe mumbled.” Here, we see Keefe literally track points as if Sophie is a game he needs to win against Fitz (his “best friend”). All Keefe does is act jealous of Fitz and Sophie because he selfishly wants to be with Sophie. His constant whining is so annoying and again, Shannon use of ship names in-book is the most cringy, appalling move I’ve seen her make.

“‘I know! Our little girl is growing up and getting so snarky!’ Keefe pretended to wipe his teary eyes. ‘I’ve never been so proud.’” “Our little girl” . . . that totally isn’t creepy or infantilizing at all. The way Keefe talks about Sophie here is genuinely so gross, even if it is a joke. 

“‘We still do,’ Sophie argued. ‘We just have a lot going on.’ ‘And yet I sure seem to see a lot of Keefe these days. . . .’” He’s not wrong, Sophie. You kinda, sorta neglect everyone that’s not Keefe. It’s annoying how much attention he gets when he’s not even the main character.

“Keefe spotted the crush cuffs about ten seconds after he got to Havenfield the next morning—despite the long-sleeved tunic Sophie had worn to keep them covered. And he dragged out the rest of the story with a relentless bombardment of questions.” Can Keefe keep his nose out of Sophie’s personal business for even a minute??? The “dragged” here is very telling: Sophie would not have chosen to tell Keefe all this of her own free will. He bombards her with questions, and so she tells him, not because she wants to, but because she knows that he won’t shut up until he has the full story. This is Sophie’s secret. Sophie’s business (and Dex’s). Keefe has no right to ask about the cuffs at all. The fact that he “retelentless[ly]” asked her questions until she was forced to tell him the entire story is not a good thing. It does not demonstrate trust, but quite the opposite: a breach of personal boundaries. Keefe is so toxic, I honestly find it impressive how Shannon has twisted him into a seemingly perfect-angel love interest.  

“‘In his head, he wanted the Dexphie ship to set sail so badly that he kept fighting for it, even when he got some pretty clear signals that he was bound for a crash.’” I’m sure you can guess my feelings about the use of the word “ship” in-story with regards to romantic ships. Shannon really needs to stop making Keefe act like he’s outside of the story observing it like the audience is. It’s just. Too cringe. 

“Keefe smirked. ‘So that’s what kept you up tossing and turning? Wondering if I’ve registered for the match?’ ‘Ugh, that’s so not what I was saying.’ ‘Suuuuuuurrrrre it wasn’t.’” Keefe once again annoys Sophie just because he thinks it’s funny. Also, thank everything that’s holy for e-books. I would not have looked forward to typing that whole word out by hand. 

“‘Everything?’ Keefe asked. ‘Even . . . ’ He made an obnoxiously loud kissing sound. Sophie shoved him away.” Keefe’s horrific flirting is even cringier than normal in this scene. Nobody talks like this. And his favorite pastime of annoying Sophie comes around again.

“But then he leaned back and added, ‘I have way too much fun annoying you.’ Sophie sighed. ‘That does seem to be one of your talents.’ ‘And you adore me for it. In fact, maybe we should find out if we’re meant to be.’ He puckered his lips and Sophie shoved him a little harder that time.” Keefe blatantly admits that he loves to annoy Sophie. Annoying someone is not the basis for a good relationship. What are Keefe and Sophie even going to talk about once the Neverseen are defeated? It’ll just be Keefe annoying Sophie and Sophie acting annoyed, and Shannon pretending that’s romantic. And the part where Keefe says Sophie “adore[s] [him]” for annoying her??? What??? There are several points in the story where it’s clear that this isn’t true (and I’ve pointed out all of them, hopefully). Nobody likes being annoyed. Especially not on the regular and especially not when that’s Keefe’s only real personality trait. Put this all together with some of Keefe’s heinous flirting, and you get the recipe for a perfectly cringy scene. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Do you realize that thanks to you, sweet, innocent little Dex has now kissed someone before I have? And you too?’” It’s not a competition, Keefe. Geez. Also, wow he really thinks that because he’s a “cool prankster rebellious bad boy”, he should be the first one to get a kiss??? That’s what the “sweet, innocent little Dex” comment is telling me. Does Keefe really, actually think in stereotypes???

“‘I realize it’s hard to believe, considering . . . ’ He waved his arm in front of himself, like his looks said it all. ‘Don’t get me wrong—I’ve had plenty of offers, but . . . ’” Kill me now. This is a fantastically cringy line, complete with Keefe’s cringy tendency to draw attention to his looks. We get it. You look good. It doesn’t need to be your entire personality. 

“‘How about I steal the Fitzster’s match packet for you?’ Keefe suggested.” I hope that wasn’t a serious suggestion. Genuinely. But Keefe is such a shitty friend, I think he would’ve done it if Sophie had wanted him to. He’s willing to steal a very personal document and give it to someone Fitz doesn’t want to see it. You know. Just because.

“‘Am I supposed to see this as bravery?’ Dimitar asked him. ‘The arrogant young elf lord who dares to taunt me?’ ‘Psh, like the Council would ever make me a lord,” Keefe snorted. “Though, Lord Keefe does have a nice ring to it.’” Who responds like that to that sort of question??? Keefe was accused of arrogance by a king that has something he desperately needs and his response is literally just make jokes. More evidence that he can’t be serious even when the time calls for it.

“‘That’s not what we agreed on!’ Sophie snapped. ‘Maybe not. But I’m not going to let you face any consequences for this.’ Keefe slipped his mom’s scroll from his pocket and Sophie felt her jaw fall, wondering when he’d stolen it from her.” I think you know what I’m going to say, because I’ve said it a million times already: Keefe doesn’t care about Sophie’s feelings or input, he hijacks their shared plan for his own, he steals from her, blah, blah, blah. But you might be thinking, Wait, but Sophie does get mad at Keefe this time and does hold him accountable this time. He actually learns and grows! And you would be partially correct. But not completely. So this quote is mostly here because I’ll refer back to it later. I’ll write it in red so you can find it easier. 

“‘That was an incredibly dangerous move,’ Lady Cadence told Keefe, blocking him from following the ogre king. ‘Oh, you want to talk about dangerous?’ he asked. ‘How about the part when you almost started a brawl with King Dimitar? You were supposed to be the person at this meeting that he actually likes—that’s why we brought you!’” The two scenarios are not even remotely comparable. Keefe acted irrationally, with no inkling as to how Dimitar would react. He didn’t know what would happen, and he clearly planned this all in advance, even though he knew it was dangerous. Lady Cadence simply pointed out a breach in trust in her relationship with King Dimitar and told him she didn’t appreciate it. She knows Dimitar and considers him a friend, so she knew she wasn’t in any real danger from him. The idea that she “almost started a brawl” with the king is a complete exaggeration. She also wasn’t planning on having that conversation, it simply came up.

“‘And you can hate me if you want. But I made a promise when I found out my mom was with the Neverseen—she only gets to hurt me. It’s the only way I can live with myself.’” How noble. Except it gives him a convenient excuse to play the hero and ruin a group-made plan in favor of his own because of his own arrogance and overconfidence. So, not so noble. 

“Keefe grinned. ‘You really are adorable when you worry. But you don’t need to. I wouldn’t have agreed if I didn’t know I can handle it. See?’ He pulled his hands free and showed her how steady they were.” More of Keefe’s infantilization of Sophie! Yay! And if he really thinks he can handle it, he’s a massive idiot. A massive, arrogant idiot.

[cut because character limit]

“His motions were somehow both sluggish and erratic, and when he tried to pivot, the weapon slipped from his grasp.” And here is where we need to talk less about Keefe as a person and more about the way he’s written. Here, it’s explicitly stated that Keefe is terrible with a blade. Makes sense, he’s never handled one before. But, as we know, he’s about to defeat the ogre king in a sparring match. Keefe largely uses his skills in the match, but in terms of plot, it still makes no sense that he’d be able to defeat the king of a species whose entire culture is based around fighting and war. Yes, he’s trained in his skills extensively, but he’s never actually used them in a spar like this. There’s so much more to battle besides simply throwing everything you’ve got at your opponent. Dimitar should be able to predict what Keefe’s going to do next, even if Keefe tries a sneak attack, because Keefe’s never learned to hide that and never learned how to disguise his next move. Dimitar should be able to wear Keefe out so much that he doesn’t have the energy to use his skills anymore, because Keefe’s never learned how to conserve energy in a useful manner during a battle and never learned how to make every single strike count. Dimitar should be able to take Keefe down in a single strike, because Dimitar should know where the body’s weak spots are and how to cause the most pain with the least effort, which Keefe doesn’t know. So, no, Keefe simply using his skills should not be enough to defeat Dimitar when he has nothing else in his arsenal. And this is all to say: the point of this sparring match is to make Keefe look a hero. Even if it makes no sense. Keefe is written to be triumphant in this scene. It’s plot convenience at its finest. Shannon loves to do this with Keefe, where she’ll make him have some ability he realistically wouldn’t have because she needs him to be somewhat badass to uphold his “bad boy” image. 

“‘The grip on that one’s faulty,’ Keefe mumbled, kicking the weapon aside and snatching a dagger with a palm-length blade. ‘This one looks perfect for sneak attacks.’ ‘You can’t sneak up on him in an open ring,’ Sophie argued.” More evidence of Keefe just straight-up being incompetent when it comes to fighting. Which is fine by itself. But he can’t be incompetent at fighting and also win a sparring match against the king of a species known for their legendary fighting skills. Again, this scene is a massive example of plot convenience to make a character look good. It shows how Shannon favors Keefe. Honestly, he should’ve just lost the sparring match. Would’ve made the scene more interesting, and might’ve given Sophie, the main character, a chance to shine by quickly improvising a way to talk King Dimitar into giving up the starstone anyway. It might’ve also curbed Keefe’s ego, though I doubt it. 

“‘The only loss will be yours!’ Keefe sidestepped Sophie and charged into the ring, dagger raised, eyes wild, leaping for the ogre king.” Another example of Keefe’s straight-up stupidity. 

“‘There you are,’ Keefe whispered, his breath warm on her cheeks. ‘You’re good now, right?’” Keefe stop breathing all over Sophie’s face challenge. 

“‘I’ve never been so proud of us!’ Keefe said, holding up his hand for a high five.” I’d just like you to remember that Keefe can feel Sophie’s emotions. He knows how angry she is at him right now. And his immediate reaction is to try to joke his way out of it instead of treating it seriously until he’s forced to by Sophie. He literally tries to dumb this down and make it seem like it’s not as bad as it is so that Sophie won’t be mad at him. It doesn’t work, but it’s an incredibly manipulative thing to do. 

“‘Awww, my girl keeps getting snarkier and snarkier,’ Keefe said proudly. ‘I’m not your girl,’ Sophie snapped back. ‘And don’t think I’m done being mad at you!’” Keefe calling Sophie “my girl” is a form of infantilization, because he obviously doesn’t mean “my girlfriend”. Thankfully he gets called out on it. This time. 

[cut because character limit]

“Foster’s not ready to face her feelings,’ Keefe stage-whispered. ‘I’m ready to strangle you,’ Sophie countered.” Keefe’s joking here (and in the process annoying Sophie, but what else is new), but the implication is obviously that Sophie’s too scared of her feelings to face them and that she needs Keefe to swoop in and decipher them for her. Her own feelings. Do you see how that might not be the best thing to say, Keefe? Do you? Even if someone is wrong about their own feelings, that’s their prerogative. It’s always their choice of whether or not they want to face their own feelings or not.

“‘Maybe you’ll finally knock some sense into him.’ ‘I doubt it.’ Keefe winked, but Sophie looked away.” More of Keefe acting like his stupidity is just a quirky little trait instead of a flaw that could cost him or someone else their life. Being stupid is not a personality trait. It’s a flaw. He needs to stop treating being stupid like it’s this innate trait that’s just a part of who he is. It’s not.

“‘I’m guessing at least a week. Maybe more.’ ‘Yeah, that’s not happening,’ Keefe told him. ‘You’ll regret it if you don’t,’ Elwin warned. ‘Play this smart and the most you’ll have is a thin scar. But if you’re not careful, you could end up with nerve damage.’” Is Keefe really so stupid that he’s going to choose to have permanent damage because he won’t bed rest for a week of his life? This is. I can’t even.

“‘That depends on what my mom tells us,” Keefe argued. “If we’re heading straight to Nightfall—’ ‘You’re not going to Nightfall,’ Sophie interrupted. ‘You’re doing bed rest until Elwin says you’re better.’ Keefe smirked. ‘It’s cute that you think that.’” Why does Keefe need to be so stubborn about everything? Even this??? He literally throws away a perfectly smart thing to do with no drawbacks because . . . he wants to be with Sophie when she goes to Nightfall. That’s it. Again, he pedestalizes Sophie to such an extent that it makes him stupid. 

“Keefe wrapped his arm around Sophie. ‘Foster gets all worked up when she’s trying to protect me.’ ‘That’s not what this is about!’ Sophie snapped, pulling away.” Keefe literally tries to flirt his way out of Sophie’s anger, with a dash of infantilization thrown in for funsies. 

“‘Though would it kill you to do the smart thing, just once, and actually listen to someone when they’re giving you good advice, instead of thinking you know everything and doing whatever you want?’ Keefe considered that for a second. ‘Yeah, that might actually kill me.’” I seriously have no words. Keefe literally admitted that he’s stubborn to an excruciating extent, stupid, and arrogant, and he doesn’t see a problem with that at all. He genuinely just believes that they're innate parts of him, not flaws. 

“Sophie couldn’t look at Keefe after that. She didn’t want to see the hurt in his eyes as she dug out her home crystal.” If he’s hurting in this scene, then he deserves to be hurting. All he’s done is do stupid stuff and hijack everything without consideration for other people. So, yeah. He deserves it. 

“‘In case you need help deciding, I’d go with the part of you that wants to run over here for an epic Team Foster-Keefe hugfest, and not the part that wants to rip off my arms and smack me with them.’” Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. Starting in this book, Shannon uses the suffix “fest” incessantly, and doesn’t stop. It’s such a terrible choice that while it’s cringy the first few times, it quickly becomes unbearable as she keeps doing it. And Keefe gets it the worst.

[cut because character limit]

“‘I’ve also been eavesdropping outside—plus, Forkle hailed me this morning and caught me up on everything that’s been happening. So I already know about the giant beast things my mom made, and how we have a drugged Alvar in custody, and how all that boring stuff from Lady Cadence’s report about bacteria turned out to have something to do with flowers, and how there’s apparently another Nightfall in Atlantis that’s not part of my legacy, and that’s where we need to go to get your parents. Oh, and my mom wants us to steal from it and destroy it—which totally kills the fun, but I’m still game for blowing a Neverseen hideout off the planet.’” Another example of Shannon using Keefe as narration. It’s like she doesn’t trust that her audience will follow the story, so she feels the need to recap it. But wait, that’s boring! It’s fine, just have a ““““““humorous”””””” character do it! It’s a trick a lot of writers do when they think their audience is stupid, or they think what they wrote is too convoluted and want to make sure their audience has it straight. It’s also something authors do to pat themselves on the back, like, See? I wrote all that. And you just spent the last third of the book reading all that. Now, appreciate how much work I put in. I’m not saying Shannon doesn’t deserve praise for that plotline, and I genuinely think it's good, but I can’t stand it when she uses Keefe as a summary or narration gimmick. She could’ve just had Keefe say “I know everything I missed” and left it at that.

“‘How much groveling am I going to have to do before you trust me again?’” Keefe shouldn’t have to “grovel” to regain Sophie’s trust. Groveling is just words, no action. To regain trust, he’s going to have to prove that he won’t hijack everything and take over again. This is why this particular arc (miniarc?) of Keefe’s makes no sense. He only goes through this development because Sophie was mad at him, not because he actually realizes something about himself. And then Sophie immediately trusts him again and lets him work with her on everything again without any period of time where she’s suspicious of Keefe. What I’m saying is, Keefe’s breach of Sophie’s trust never really impacts their relationship. They have a fight, immediately make up the very next time they see each other, and then it’s over and done. There’s no period of time where it’s still a sore spot. No work to get to a point where Sophie feels like she can really trust Keefe again. As a result, it falls completely flat because Keefe didn’t earn anything. He just apologized and that’s it. But that shouldn’t be it. He should have a long way to go from now. An apology is just the start. Sophie shouldn’t forgive instantly. It just feels so cheap. It really shows how Shannon just wants a quick fix to Keefe’s problems instead of a real arc with real character development. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘I’m sorry, Sophie. Really. And I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. That’s why I stayed in bed, even though I knew my mom had to be dragging you into a million dangerous things. I wanted to prove that I could do the right thing. Well, that and Ro threatened to tie me down and cover me in flesh-eating bacteria if I didn’t, and I could tell she meant it.’” Keefe says that he stayed in bed because Sophie would’ve wanted him to and because he wanted to “do the right thing”. That’s . . . not what his motive should’ve been. His intention should’ve been to get stronger and heal. That’s it. There should be none of this nonsense about “doing it for Sophie” or “doing the right thing”. He should want to get better so that he doesn’t have permanent damage. Again, his weird obsession with impressing Sophie and doing whatever he thinks she’ll want is showing through, and had Shannon been a better author, she could’ve made it a flaw and related it back to his abusive parents and how he’s always craving attention because he never got enough from them or something. But instead, it’s hailed as a great quality. So, remember when I said I’d refer back to that quote I wrote in red? This quote is a primary example that, while he does apologize to Sophie, he doesn’t actually change from this incident. There are several moments down the line where you will see that Keefe still hijacks plans and still disregards Sophie’s feelings. An apology, sure, but there’s no actual growth. (I’ll put this quote in red too, so it’s easy to see that these two things I’m bringing up are connected into one big point.) So to people making the argument that Keefe was finally held accountable and developed from this whole thing, I hate to say it, but Keefe is just as infuriatingly arrogant as before. 

“‘Because you can be wrong and still smarter than these guys,’ Keefe told her with a grin.” Ah, Keefe’s arrogance never fails to make me cringe practically out of my body. Maybe if he was more open-minded, we wouldn’t have to deal with his stupidity.

“‘So maybe you do it wrong,’ Tam suggested. ‘It’s a puzzle,’ Keefe argued. ‘The pieces should only fit together one way.’” Keefe is so stupid that he literally tries to claim that the “pieces should only fit together one way” after just having seen evidence to the contrary. Literally, I’m not kidding, Sophie just put the puzzle together differently than him like two seconds ago and he says this. I knew he was arrogant, but damn. Can’t Shannon tone it down a little to at least try to make it seem like she gave Keefe actual development?

“‘She probably thinks I’m too dumb to put the key together the right way.’” This logic is so stupid. Even if Keefe was dumb enough to not be able to put it together, it’s not like he works alone. Someone in the Black Swan or something would’ve figured it out. And his mom knows that. His entire argument here makes no sense.

“He reached up and wiped one of the tears trickling down her cheeks.” Another weird example of Keefe touching Sophie’s face. It’s quite creepy, and it’s strange how Shannon tries to make it seem touching.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Okay, two choices,’ Keefe told her, standing up and tilting her chin toward him. ‘You can tell me what’s wrong. Or I can put my Empath powers to work—but keep in mind, Option B will likely pick up on all kinds of other feelings.’ Sophie gave him her surliest scowl, but he didn’t back down.” First of all, here’s another example of Keefe touching Sophie’s face creepily. Secondly, Keefe just extorted Sophie’s personal feelings out of her. He just threatened to use his empathy on her if she didn’t tell him what was going on. He then said that if she didn’t tell him the thing she obviously doesn’t want to tell him, he’d not only use his power on her and figure it out, but would also probably pick up on other things she doesn’t want him knowing about. Sophie then makes it very obvious that she doesn’t want to do it, but he “didn’t back down”, by which Shannon of course means “didn’t respect Sophie’s feelings and her right to keep them to herself”. That is so. That is just. I don’t understand how Shannon somehow managed to twist this into Keefe caring about Sophie. He threatened, coerced, manipulated, and extorted her into telling him, sure, but caring about her??? Don’t make me laugh. Keefe is possibly the most toxic character in this entire series, and it is disgusting how Shannon gives the impression that this is caring behavior, or correct in any capacity at all. When someone wants to be left alone, you leave them alone. Keefe needs to go back to seventh grade health class, where they teach you that no means no. 

“‘I take it that means you haven’t joined Team Foster-Keefe?’ Ro asked. ‘Because I have to admit, they’re pretty cute together. Especially when she gets that look in her eye like she’s going to tear off his head.’” Ro is . . . a whole other subject. But oh, god. Shannon. What are you doing. If someone consistently and constantly “gets [a] look” in their eye like they’re “going to tear off” the other person’s head, then that’s a sign that that other person is annoying and that they don’t enjoy spending time together. The other person is obviously driving the first person crazy and enjoys it, so why would you encourage that??? Stop feeding into this narrative that that’s a healthy thing to have. It’s not. It’s completely toxic for Keefe to take pleasure in annoying Sophie, and it’s disgusting that Sophie is just expected to put up with it.

“‘Figured you guys would say that,’ Keefe told them, ‘even though you can’t really stop us.’ He winked at Sophie.” Oh, boy. Shannon’s really leaning into Keefe’s “bad-boy” persona, isn’t she? Someone needs to explain to her the level of cringe this invokes. Also, the winking is back. Wow, isn’t Keefe so cool. You know, cuz he winks at Sophie like they're in on a secret or something. Isn’t that so badass.

“‘But I think you’re also forgetting, Foster, that we’ve managed to get a lot done when school is in session. We stopped the gnomish plague while going to Exillium—and you managed to look into the Everblaze while juggling midterms. You even got your abilities fixed—and healed Alden—during the first term this year.’” Shannon, please stop using Keefe as summary and narration. We know. We read the series. We don’t need you to recap it for us. We’re well aware.

“‘You’re welcome for making it so you don’t have to stare at ten thousand reflections of yourself every day,’ Keefe told him. Sophie elbowed Keefe as she sat beside him. ‘You don’t get to brag about leaving me covered in shattered glass.’” Keefe literally just joked about destroying Foxfire . . . wow. The audacity is. Just, wow. Sure, Sophie calls him out, but it’s very light-hearted. Again, Keefe is incapable of being serious, even when the topic or time calls for it.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Much as I’m enjoying this sudden overflow of adorable Foster-rage—it’s not worth it.’” Ah, more of Keefe infantilizing Sophie and invalidating her feelings. If someone finds your anger or worry “adorable” and acts like it’s this cute little quirk, then that’s never a good thing. Especially if they enjoy it. Someone who cares about you should never enjoy seeing you angry or worried. 

“‘Uh, we all know Foster can’t bear to be away from me—and art is about honesty. That’s why I made sure I have the best hair.’” Sometimes, I wonder how some of the shit Keefe says can even be real. How is he not collapsing from the cringe? Keep in mind, this is all taking place in front of a large audience.

“‘Only for some people,’ Biana noted. ‘He gave the rest of us mood candy. Again.’” Yes, because he only cares about Sophie and prioritizes her over everyone. He only cares about her feelings and her wishes. He doesn’t extend the same courtesy to anyone else. In other words, he pedastalizes Sophie to such an extent, it makes him blind to other people’s wishes. He has such tunnel vision, it’s funny. He’s very neglectful of his other friends.

“‘I’m sure she didn’t. This’—he traced a finger over the crease between her eyebrows—’doesn’t make you very convincing.’” Keefe really needs to stop touching Sophie’s face weirdly.

“He strode over to her, and she tried to back away but crashed into the wall.” Ah, the infamous scene. Keefe once again invades Sophie’s personal space. He moves toward her, and when she tries to move away from him, he doesn’t let her move. Wow. Real upstanding guy. This is not romantic. This is creepy. 

“‘Oh, I know. But you’re forgetting something, Foster.’ He was close enough to reach out and gently tuck her hair behind her ear as he leaned in to whisper, ‘I like a challenge.’” And then, as if creeping all over Sophie wasn’t enough, he gets up in her face, touches her face, and says this cringy-ass line. Again, this is not romantic. This is creepy. 

“‘On the one hand, the look on Fitz’s face is pretty priceless right now, and I know it’s killing him not to say, ‘But we’re Cognates!’ But on the other hand . . . don’t go thinking this lets you into the Foster Fan Club, Bangs Boy!’” Can Keefe let any guy in their group do anything for Sophie without immediately seeing him as a threat?

“She could feel him reaching for her glove—and yanked her hand away.” Keefe tries to breach Sophie’s boundaries. But what else is new.

“If she’d had it her way, she’d be alone. She’d even tried asking Keefe to leave, but there was no getting rid of him.” Sophie literally asked Keefe to leave her alone, and he didn’t. He disrespects her boundaries, invalidates her feelings and assumes that she wants him around all the time, even when she tells him she doesn't want him there. That’s not being caring, that’s thinking you know someone else’s feelings better than they know their own feelings. This might be Keefe’s worst act yet. When someone wants to be left alone, you leave them alone. You don’t assume that they don’t know their own wishes and encroach on their space, instead. It’s disgusting and manipulative, and the fact that Shannon said that in a throwaway, forgettable line shows that she doesn’t understand how horrific that is. It’s also another example of Keefe being arrogant and assuming that Sophie always needs him when she’s down. Only him, because he knows her so well! It’s very cocky and somewhat entitled behavior.

Nightfall Short Story:

“‘Look! I’m all better!’ Keefe promised [ . . . ]” Why did Shannon have to make Keefe so unbearably annoying. Like, seriously. He’s told he’s going to have permanent damage if he doesn’t do bed rest and his reaction is literally Oh, well. He needs to stop treating serious issues like jokes.

“‘I can always pry those pouty lips open and pour it down your throat,’ Ro added with a smile that showed every single one of her pointed teeth.” Why is Keefe refusing to take his medicine??? Is he really that stupid and excruciating?

“‘It’s only for a week’ ‘Uh, do you realize how many times Foster can almost die in a week?’” Does Keefe really think he can stop Sophie from almost dying??? Just because of his . . . presence??? Wow, he’s even more arrogant than I thought. 

“He didn’t care what anyone said. Sophie needed his help.” Oh, boy. He really does see himself as her savior. How adorable. And by adorable, I mean obsessive and creepy. Is he really so stupid and stubborn that he’s willing to risk doing permanent damage to his body just so he can . . . see her? He won’t even be able to go with her to Nightfall??? What exactly does he think he’s going to do?

“Then he was lost to his floaty dreams, most of which focused on the gold-flecked brown eyes he could never get out of his head.” What Wattpad author held a gun to Shannon’s head for her to write this??? Damn . . . he really does have an unhealthy obsession with her. 

“‘It is. It’s going to take me a little while to make it—but it’ll seriously top every gift she’s been given before.’” Fantastic. So he’s still as arrogant as ever. Even after whatever miniscule amount of character development he supposedly gets in this story.

“From that point on, he only had one goal: to be whatever Sophie needed. Not the hero. Not the one taking charge of everything. Just a guy ready to listen and help and be there for her. A friend. Until she was ready for more.” The fact that his “one goal” is essentially to be obsessed with Sophie is kinda. Not good. Keefe is a classic case of obsessed-with-the-love-interest syndrome. It takes over everything and he can’t even do a week of bed rest without obsessing over her every single day of it. Also, the part at the end where he says “Until she was ready for more” . . . bro. I do not have the words to describe how disgusting that is. He just sort of . . . assumes that one day he and Sophie will end up together. Now, think back to all the times he’s begged Sophie not to hate him. Even at this moment, he knows Sophie’s angry with him. If he truly thought she would hate him, why would he assume that he’d end up with her someday? It’s a walking contradiction. It’s so revolting to assume that one day someone you like will end up with you. It also proves my point that Shannon only throws all those “Please don’t hate me”s in there to attract pity for Keefe. If he actually believed she would ever hate him, he wouldn’t assume so readily that one day she would be “ready for more”. Pick a lane Shannon: he can either be sure Sophie will want to be with him someday, or he can think she hates him, but you can’t have it both ways. They’re opposites.

Flashback:

“‘[ . . . ] forced herself to meet Keefe’s ice blue eyes. ‘I’m fine.’ When he raised one eyebrow, she added, ‘I’m just frustrated [ . . . ]’” (7) That’s right, the page numbers return. And I have physical copies of the rest of the series, so they’re here to stay. It may seem like Keefe is just trying to check on Sophie and make sure she’s okay, which is a noble cause, but when someone says they don’t want to talk about something, that means they don’t want to talk about it. That does not mean you prod and prod until they spill. So many things Sophie tells Keefe get twisted and people think she tells him because she trusts him, but more often than not she doesn’t and he just prods her or extorts them out of her.

“‘You’re so adorable when you worry. I’ve told you that, right?’” (12) Yes, you have, and saying it more doesn’t make it any less icky and gross and infantilizing. It’s like he’s dumbing Sophie down to this object who only exists to entertain him with her adowabuw wittle feewings, instead of a person with very real, very complex emotions.

“He traced his thumb over the sliver of skin between her glove and the edge of her beaded sleeve. ‘There’s something you’re not saying right now. I can feel it.’” (12) Keefe once again breaches boundaries because he can’t keep his nose out of other people’s personal feelings. He has no right to just help himself to Sophie’s emotions like that. It’s a massive breach of boundaries, and then using that to try to pry the secret out of her is nothing short of repulsive behavior.

“‘Come on, Foster. It’s me. You know you can trust me.’” (12) Does she? Does she know that? Because it seems like in order to trust Keefe, Sophie would have to know that for herself, instead of having Keefe feed that to her. Sophie likely does trust Keefe, even if her trust is misplaced, but saying it like that is very, very manipulative. And Sophie really shouldn’t trust Keefe, because almost everything she tells him is manipulated and extorted out of her. She’d tell him a lot less if it weren’t for his toxic traits and extortive empathy. 

“‘Lord Hunkyhair,’ Keefe corrected. ‘What? It’s accurate.’ He tossed his head like he was in a shampoo commercial.” (20) I forgot about this atrocious nickname.

“‘Fintan knew Keefe would be dumb enough to go after them,’ Ruy added, ‘so he had our Technopath make a couple of replicas.’” (89) I mean . . . he isn’t wrong about Keefe’s stupidity.

“Tam and Keefe had been feuding since the moment they’d met—even though they were so similar it was kind of hilarious.” (117) Again, if Shannon wants us to believe that Keefe and Tam have this deep rivalry, rather than Keefe being jealous of Tam and Tam thinking Keefe’s annoying because he gets possessive of Sophie, then she’s going to have to put a lot more effort into it then that.

“‘It’s okay to hate me,’ Keefe said from the doorway.” (138) Oh, boy, here comes the forced consolation scene pity-party. That’s going to take up a whole two chapters, by the way. I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want to watch Keefe wallow in his own self-pity while Sophie strokes his ego for two entire chapters. 

“‘Fintan’s good. His emotions always felt normal when I asked about the caches. A little nervous. A little suspicious. Exactly the way he would’ve felt if they were real.’” Wait, Keefe asked Fintan about the caches??? This is just getting better and better, by which I mean Keefe’s getting stupider and stupider. My guy. Have some subtlety. When asking about something you want, you don’t just outright ask that. Keefe’s even dumber than I thought. Seriously, how did he think he was smarter than the Neverseen?

[cut because character limit]

“‘Don’t beat yourself up about the caches. We’ll figure something out.’” (140) That’s the thing, though. Keefe needs to do some serious thinking about his choices and how they affect the entire thing. He needs to have that development. But Shannon wants to convince the audience that he’s fine the way he is. He doesn’t need to repent and change! He just needs to be entirely devoted to Sophie and everyone will still love him. He faces no consequences for running off with the Neverseen at all, despite the fact that he set them back. A lot. He’s still allowed to be in on all their plans and still trusted. Do you see what I mean? It’s like it never happened. It’s like he never ran off to join the Neverseen. There’s no impact. Everyone still trusts him, everyone still relies on him, nobody’s wary, nobody thinks he’s going to mess something else up, even though he’s proven, time and time again, that he’s reckless and cannot be trusted. Keefe cannot be trusted. But the narrative refuses to acknowledge it. He should be forced to sit on the side while everyone else comes up with a plan that excludes him. That should be when he realizes he can’t be trusted because he thinks he’s smarter than everyone and messes everything up. Keefe’s arc practically wrote itself for Shannon, but she refuses to let her character have growth. Keefe needs to have people, especially Sophie, be mad at him, so that he can realize what he did that was so wrong.

“‘You don’t have to tell me I’m a jerk,’ Keefe mumbled. ‘I already know.’” (147) Does he? Because if he was truly sorry, he would volunteer to sit on the sideline, so he knew he wouldn’t mess anything up again. He would volunteer to face whatever consequences he should’ve had coming for his actions. But he doesn’t. Because he isn’t truly repentant. He’s just throwing a pity party for himself. In the end, he’s just a pity magnet whose only purpose in the story is to lay it on thick so that he can gain more and more pity. There’s really nothing to pity him for. He did the action, so he has to face the consequence. It’s that simple. But he doesn’t. Remember what I said about how Keefe, despite Shannon claiming he doesn’t want pity, really does nothing but wallow in his own self-pity to make the audience feel sorry for him? Well this entire scene is a prime example.

“[ . . . ] every reckless decision he’d made over the last year was all part of his desperate attempt to relieve the shame and fear that were eating him up inside. That was the problem with guilt.” (148) By the way, Keefe’s whole “legacy” backstory is just another excuse for his actions. In the barest sense, nothing Keefe’s mom does or plans for him is on Keefe. He has no control and none of that’s his fault. So the fact that Shannon built his entire story on the fact that he’s guilty over something he didn’t do is so stupid I don’t have the words for it. If he doesn’t have something to be guilty over, how can he be a pity magnet? But if he does have something to be guilty over, he’d actually have to do something to deserve that guilt, right? So Shannon tries to have it both ways. Her precious Keefe can’t do anything actually wrong, or he won’t be so perfectly innocent anymore. So where’s his sob story going to come from? Oh right, he’ll just feel responsible for his mom’s actions. A perfect fix to the conundrum. But really it makes no sense at all. And it gives her every excuse to heap a suffocating amount of pity on him while simultaneously having him insist he hates pity.

“‘Too bad I’m stuck being the designated loser,’ Keefe said under his breath.” (149) Quite the pity party he’s throwing for himself there. Nothing ever got accomplished because someone wallowed in their self-pity. And that’s all Keefe does. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Do you trust me?’ she asked. ‘Of course I do---that’s not the problem.’” (151) No, he may think he trusts her. But he really doesn’t. If he truly trusted her, he wouldn’t keep thinking he’s smarter than her and making plans without consulting her. He would value her input in his plans if he trusted her. He would stop feeling this incessant need to protect her and trust that she’d be able to handle herself. Because, let’s face it, more often than not, Keefe ends up giving Sophie more grief and worry than anything. She’s always worried about him and he’s even set her progress back several times. But he still thinks he needs to be there for her all the time. Not to mention, he doesn’t trust her decision when she says she doesn't want to share her feelings and thoughts with him, so he forces them out of her. True trust isn’t constantly leaping into that person's business and constantly trying to save them when they don’t need or want you to. True trust is trusting that they know what they want and need, and acting accordingly. 

“‘Umber wouldn’t have been able to find you if I hadn’t given you that pendant. Just like the day the Neverseen broke Silveny’s wing because of the Sencen crest I was wearing.’ ‘And you know what both of those things have in common?’ Sophie asked. ‘You had no idea that the Neverseen were manipulating you.’” (151) You know what I’m going to say. Forced consolation scene. The first statement Keefe says is valid. That mistake was on Keefe. He’s the one who thought he was smarter than everyone and then made such horrible mistakes that Sophie and Fitz will now have to recover for a third of this book. That was entirely on him. And honestly, pity shouldn’t be the automatic reaction. Anger is fine, too. But if Sophie’s angry at Keefe (as she should be), how can the narrative continue to pity him? But Keefe’s second statement is clearly thrown in there to attract pity. Look, it’s poor Keefe again, blaming himself for his mom’s actions again. It’s not pitiable. It’s just plain stupid. That wasn’t on Keefe in the slightest. The narrative then tries to equate both these actions with each other in Sophie’s statement, which is clearly an attempt to absolve Keefe of any blame for what he did when he was with the Neverseen. He underestimated his opponent and in his overconfidence, thought he could outplay them. He took a stupid risk without considering what his team would think and stole the pendant back without a thought in the direction of whether the Neverseen would suspect him. He even says in Lodestar that he didn’t know what he was going to do if the Neverseen figured out what happened (I have the quote up there somewhere). That’s the thing. That entire situation is on him. It’s his mess and his fault. But the Sencen crest isn’t. Shannon, please stop comparing two incomparable situations to make Keefe look good. Also, what does Keefe even want? What is the point of him doing all this wallowing? Does he want Sophie to blame and hate him? No, obviously not. Does he want to be punished and face the consequences of his actions? No, because if he did, he would suggest that. So, in the end, all his wallowing, and dare I say whining, is just that: whining. It leads nowhere, does nothing, results in no ideas for how Keefe wants to prevent something similar from happening again, and is just Shannon trying to make Keefe pitiable. There is no point to any of this. It results in no change, no development, no ideas from Keefe about how he will change, which makes it the perfect recipe for an easily resettable conversation. Because that’s all these forced consolation scenes are. The same exact conversation, which results in no change, so that it can be had over and over and over. 

This scene is so unbearably long, and for what? Unfortunately, I can’t copy down the whole thing, but oh, boy. Shannon really needs to stop these horrible forced consolation scenes that eat up so much time. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Ugh, I shouldn’t tell you this, since it’ll just make you think I’m even more messed up than you already do—’ [ . . . ] ‘All I know is, weapons and blood don’t bother me the way they bother other people, so . . . yeah. Feel free to think I’m super creepy—” (161) The forced consolation is really being laid on thick. Shannon has switched from Sophie comforting Keefe over his guilt over something he didn’t do (over and over and over, just so Shannon can really annoy the point into us) to Sophie saying Keefe isn’t creepy because . . . weapons and blood don’t bother him. Huh??? Why would someone get freaked out because someone else isn’t bothered by blood??? That doesn’t automatically make them a killer. What kind of leap in logic is this??? But of course, Shannon has to have something to fuel her forced consolation scenes, and she’s burnt out all the Keefe’s-guilt-over-his-mom thing, so she has to switch to something else. Also, Keefe couldn’t be more of a pity magnet. He literally thought that Sophie would hate him because . . . weapons don’t freak him out. While they’re in the middle of a war. Wow. Shannon so badly wants us to pity him, it’s pathetic. Sophie needs to be Keefe’s personal assurance robot over something, so now it’s his nonaversion to blood. That’s the thing. Sophie always has to reassure Keefe of some dumb thing he shouldn’t worry about, and Shannon loves to blow it out of proportion to make it seem like this huge thing when it’s not. That’s why her forced consolation scenes are so forced. Because the consolation happens over the stupidest things. And there’s so many of them, like Shannon’s trying to convince us that we should really think this is something worth spending so much page time on. 

“‘Well, I think it’s safe to say that the Fitzphie slumber party is a total snoozefest,’ Keefe said [ . . . ]” (219) Keefe’s incessant use of ship names and the term “fest” returns with a vengeance. I honestly don’t get how Shannon didn’t see how juvenile his dialogue sounds. He doesn’t sound fifteen. He sounds six.

“‘You’ve had this campus to yourself all night every night, and you haven’t caused even a tiny bit of chaos.’” (223) Is this guy for real??? Serious??? While she’s literally on bed rest? I- I don’t have the words to describe how stupid he is. And if he isn’t being serious, then oh, boy, are his jokes so atrociously bad it concerns me.

“‘I’m really not in the mood.’ ‘I know—that’s what makes it extra fun. Go on.’” (225) Keefe stop salivating at any opportunity to annoy Sophie for his own amusement challenge. Keefe stop being a selfish piece of shit challenge.

“‘I thought if they saw me as Captain Committed, they’d teach me something good.’” (227) Shannon really needs to stop with the atrocity that is her nickname humor. 

“‘I shouldn’t have brought up any of those worries. Edaline warned me that you need to stay calm right now.’” (231) Nothing to say about this right now, but just remember this quote. I’ll touch on it in a little bit. Coloring it green to make it easy. 

“‘Rest. Recover. Take whatever medicine and time you need to get strong again. And trust the rest of us to cover anything that comes up while you’re down.’” (233) If only Keefe had taken his own advice a book ago . . . and someone's going to say "But he learned his lesson, didn't he?" To that, I say I've already covered all the reasons why he really didn't.

“‘I didn’t get swoony,’ Sophie felt the need to point out. ‘Keep telling yourself that, Foster. Keeeeeeeeeep telling yourself that.’” (235) First of all, counting those Es out was misery. At some point in Nightfall, Shannon really starts to jack up the amount of times she does that stretchy-word thing. And secondly, Keefe’s lack of self-awareness is as cringy as ever.

“‘I think Scaley Butt should be near Krakie so it looks like they’re swimming together. And then Bitey could be close to The Stink so it looks like he’s trying to chomp him.’” (251) A perfect example of Keefe’s atrocious mixture of potty humor and nickname humor, in the worst way possible.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Yeah, what time should we arrive to catch the Great Fitzphie Ooze Fest?’” (301) Someone needs to take away Shannon’s ability to type the word “fest”. Also Keefe’s horrible nicknames paired with immature humor strikes again. 

“‘I thought you weren’t supposed to be teasing Fitz,’ Sophie reminded him instead. ‘I’m not, but . . . he makes it so easy.’” (303) So when Keefe doesn’t want to set Sophie’s recovery back, he takes measures to make sure he doesn’t (remember that quote I told you to remember?), but when he has to do the same with Fitz, he doesn’t even seem remorseful when he slips up. He clearly favors Sophie, and remember, Fitz is supposed to be his best friend. He really doesn’t care about Fitz or his recovery at all. But he cares about Sophie’s.

“‘Hear that, Ro?’ he interrupted. ‘She’s giving me her serious voice.’” (304) Another example of Keefe infantilizing Sophie and dumbing her feelings down for the sake of a joke. Awwww, isn’t her serious voice so cute? She only does that when she thinks she has something important to say to us grown-ups! Awwwwwww. 

“‘He really doesn’t know when to quit, does he?’ Ro asked Sophie. ‘I’m pretty sure it’s a disease,’ Fitz told her. ‘Coping mechanism,’ Keefe argued.” (309) Shannon, pointing out Keefe’s flaws doesn’t give him character development. You actually have to like. Develop him. Also, the fact that Keefe had the perfect chance to reflect and change and instead decided to be as resistant to growth as he always is really says something about him.

“‘Why else would you spend so much time helping Miss Foster’s cause?’ ‘Uh . . . you’ve seen how cute she is, right?’” (312) Oh, gosh. Shannon really cranked Keefe’s atrocious humor up to eleven for this book, and since a good chunk of this book is filler, that’s all we have to go on for a good section. And if I thought it was bad when it was sectioned out, it’s even more unbearable now that Shannon is dumping it all on us at once. First of all, Keefe basically flat-out admitted a good chunk of his motive is because he wants to impress Sophie. People will argue and say that he’s just joking, but reading his short story was proof enough that he’s not really kidding. And second of all, Shannon really uses the word “Uh” a lot in this book right before someone makes a joke. It was fine at first, but it becomes so noticeable as the book goes on. It’s like she’s trying to tell us to brace for a joke. 

“I tell Keefe that stuff because it’s been the only way to get him to open up to me, she explained.” (323) Actually, more often than not, she doesn’t want to tell him anything. Usually, he forces it out of her with his empathy or manipulation or his general annoying demeanor. But thank you for twisting the narrative, Shannon. 

“Keefe guessed most of the story on his own, and I couldn’t deny it because Empaths are annoyingly impossible to lie to.” (324) That is not what happened. It’s explicitly said that Keefe “dragged the story out of her through relentless questions” (paraphrase, I have the real quote up there somewhere). He didn’t have to ask that. He could’ve respected Sophie’s boundaries and feelings. But he always has to stick his nose in everything when he thinks it’s his business. Fitz actually has a way better reason to know than Keefe; he just wants to improve their cognate relationship, but Keefe just wants to be nosy.

“She wasn’t sure if they were allowed to tell him—but it was so much easier than arguing.” (336) Keefe has literally annoyed Sophie so much that she doesn’t even think it’s worth the fight to keep a secret. That’s not good. It means that Sophie just succumbs to whatever he wants without a thought. That’s pretty much the highest sign of a toxic relationship.

“‘But you're kinda scraping bottom if you’re using me as the model of good decisions. Especially decisions concerning my parents.’” (337) Once again, Keefe shows that he’s fully aware of how dumb he is, he’s just so overly stubborn that he refuses to change. Shannon acts like this is an innate part of her personality and refuses to acknowledge it as a flaw. 

[cut because character limit]

“It’s always fun when you get feisty.” (355) I’ve said this about a gajillion times, but Keefe’s infantilization of Sophie is so horrific, it’s like he doesn’t care about her at all. He just sees her emotions as amusement for himself. 

“My life isn’t perfect, Fitz argued. Maybe not. But it’s pretty close, dude. I mean, yeah, Alvar’s a creep—but you still have your dad. And your mom. And Biana. And you’re still top of our class. And you’re Foster’s Cognate and . . . even without all of that, you’re still a Vacker. You’re always going to be the golden boy everyone expects greatness from. And I’ll always be the mess.” (360) Wow, Keefe is throwing quite the pity-party there for himself. If he didn’t want pity (which he explicitly says), then why does he keep saying he’s a mess? What are people supposed to say to that, besides You’re not a mess? Does he want them to tell him he’s a mess? This is a real thing people do, by the way, where they say negative things about themselves so that other people will reassure them they’re wrong. Keefe’s a massive hypocrite. If he truly didn’t want any sympathy, he wouldn’t keep saying he’s a mess and keep forcing the subject. Also, Fitz’s life is not perfect. Especially not now. I touched on this briefly before, but Keefe wouldn’t be jealous of Fitz being the top of their class. It makes no sense, when Keefe goes out of his way to cause trouble for himself in the academic department. It might make sense if Keefe tried and studied and still never matched Fitz, but we already know he doesn’t care. So this is another statement that’s just meant to attract pity and sympathy.

“Sophie had no idea what that meant—but it didn’t matter. I’m always going to be your friend. So am I, Fitz added. You sure about that? Keefe asked [ . . . ]” (361) Again, if Keefe really didn’t want pity, he wouldn’t keep going out of his way to say things that invoke pity. He would try to stay as far away from the subject as possible.

“‘Remember that? Such a classic Keephie moment!’” (380) Shannon needs to stop doing this whole self-aware thing. It doesn’t make her look smart to have Keefe talk about the ships in this series like he’s not involved in the story. It’s incredibly cringy.

“Is this that thing adults do where they make you think they’re giving you what you want but really they’re just wasting your time?’” (381) Another thing Shannon does is try to make the kids ““““““relatable”””””” by having them complain about adults all the time. Which is not how teenagers actually are. And once again, Keefe gets it the worst. Also, ungrateful much? Tiergan essentially offered to give him what he wants and he still fights it.

“‘Yeah, well [Sophie wearing Linh’s tunic] still breaks the fan club rules. As penance, I’m getting you a tunic that says, Empaths Give Me All the Feels, and I expect to see you wear it twice as often as Bangs Boy’s.’” (421) This is a joke, but the fact that Keefe makes such a big deal out of the tunic says a lot about his pathetic jealousy of Tam.

“Nah, he likes you better than me. Everyone does.’ ‘No they don’t.’ ‘Oh really? Tell me this: Have you heard from the Fitzster since he went home for the happy family reunion?’” (519) Another example of Keefe wallowing in self-pity. This book easily gets it the worst. It feels like everytime Keefe’s on-page, Shannon uses it to invoke more and more pity for him. If he doesn’t want people to pity him, then why does he keep saying things that invoke pity??? He doesn’t need to. Again, what exactly does he want Sophie to say? “Yes, Keefe, everyone hates you”? He is such a pity magnet and I get so tired of his constant whining because Shannon just does it so much. Then Keefe has the audacity to turn around and say shit like “I don’t want your pity”. Like, Keefe. My guy. You kinda sorta aren’t really giving them a choice with the things you say. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Everything okay? Need me to leap over there? I will—I don’t care if Ro wins the bet.’” (521) First of all, if Sophie was not okay, what is Keefe going to do to make her feel better? Talk to her? He’s already doing that right now. Maybe read her emotions and extort a secret out of her? Also why does he automatically assume that Sophie needs him when she’s feeling down? That’s just. Such a bold assumption to make. Also, the fact that he’s so obsessed with Sophie to the point of throwing his bet under the bus just because she . . . looked tired? Is not good. That’s not a good thing. It’s a textbook sign of obsession. And Keefe’s obsession with and prioritization of Sophie is incredibly toxic. Again, if Shannon had made that out to be a negative quality on his part, it would be fine. But instead, she makes it seem like a desirable trait. He’s probably not willing to do that for anyone else, too. Like I’m sure he wouldn’t be willing to do that for Fitz, since he’s already admitted that he hasn’t talked to Fitz since he left the Healing Center. That’s on Fitz, too, sure, but a relationship goes two ways. So it’s also on Keefe.

“‘Sounds like I need to head over there after Daddy’s little hugfest tomorrow.’” (522) I just ranted about his obsession with Sophie, but this line is mostly here because it’s another example of Shannon’s love for the term “fest”.

“‘I can tell there’s something you're not telling me right now—but I’m not going to force you to talk about it. If you say you’re good, I’ll trust you.’” (522) Where did this sudden change come from? I know I’ve complained about this incessantly for this entire rant, but this seriously came out of nowhere. There was no development that led to this. It’s also a complete throwaway line, like blink-and-you-miss-it kind of thing. It’s a good thing, but it feels like Shannon randomly realized how creepy Keefe has been this entire time and shoehorned this in so it’d make him feel less creepy. Well, telling isn’t showing, Shannon, and it doesn’t change the fact that Keefe does this. A lot. 

“‘[ . . . ] if you and Fitz are visiting troll-baby hives without me, I am definitely losing at life, you know?’” (671) Someone needs to tell this guy that he doesn’t have to be a part of everything that happens in Sophie’s life. 

“‘So . . . you don’t hate me?’ Sophie rolled her eyes. ‘Ugh, how many times do I have to tell you—I’m never going to hate you!’ His smile looked tired. ‘Well. I guess that’s good enough. For now.’” (684) Again, Shannon really tries hard to make us pity Keefe. Also, that last part. Sophie not hating Keefe being “good enough” “for now” obviously implies that Keefe expects something more from her in the future. Shannon almost certainly wrote this with Sokeefe implications in mind, which is such a shitty thing for Keefe to say. He’s basically saying “You being my friend is fine for now, but one day I expect something more”. It’s honestly incredibly shitty. But also really subtle. So it can be skipped over or accidentally ignored.

“‘Thank you for thinking about me,’ he whispered. ‘No one does that.’ ‘Lots of people care about you, Keefe,’ Sophie gently corrected. He sighed. ‘I guess, but . . . ’” (725) The end of that sentence should be “those people who care about me aren’t you, and yours is the only opinion I care about because I pedestalize you heavily”. Again, if Keefe really didn’t want pity, he wouldn’t keep bringing things like this up. Plenty of people care about Keefe. He just pushes them all away except Sophie and then turns around and basically claims Sophie’s the only one thinking of him. Again, he prioritizes Sophie and then gets all woe is me, nobody cares about me except Sophie when he is the one pushing them all away.

[cut because character limit]

There isn’t really a quote to go with this, but Keefe only uses his emotional-calming breezes for Sophie, when it’s been proven they can work on anybody. He doesn't use them to help Fitz, although Fitz definitely could’ve used a couple throughout the climax of this book. He doesn’t use them to help Linh, either, when Linh learns about Tam. It's another way he pedestalizes Sophie to an unhealthy extent, and it’s not a good thing. 

Flashback Short Story: Keefe

“‘Sophie’s not some prize that Fitz and I get to fight over. She’s a person. And she has her own feelings—and no one knows those feelings better than I do!’” Again, it feels like Shannon randomly realized she had Keefe act like a jealous, possessive, manipulative asshole for the past book and wanted to turn that around so she added this in. But saying it doesn’t make it true. The mountain of evidence I’ve provided should make that clear enough. Again, it’s part of Shannon’s not-so-subtle pedestalization of Keefe. And the part where he says “no one knows those feelings better than I do” . . . oh, the nerve. The only reason he knows why she’s feeling what she’s feeling half the time is because he uses his empathy to extort her secrets out of her. It’s usually not because she wants to tell him or trusts him with whatever she’s feeling. 

Legacy

“‘Tell me why you have that cute little crease between your eyebrows.’” (70) You already know what I’m going to say. Keefe finding Sophie’s worry cute is textbook infantilization. But also, if he finds her worry and anger so adorable, what’s he gonna do when the Neverseen are defeated and Sophie doesn’t have as many things worrying her?

“‘You already know my mom gave me a letter to deliver to a house in London with a green door,’ he reminded Sophie as she made her way over. ‘And you said Fintan told you she sent me there to recruit somebody.’” (75) Yet another example of Shannon using Keefe’s dialogue as narration for things the audience already knows. I’m sure you’ve all heard of the “As you know” cardinal writing sin, but this is even worse than that because writers usually use it to convey something the audience doesn’t know. But Shannon literally used this to convey something the audience is already aware of. What the heck??? Shannon, stop treating your audience like we’re stupid. We read the previous book. We know what’s happening.

By the way, Sophie has some of the issues I’ve talked about here, too. Within a few pages alone in this chapter, she’s already gotten butthurt that Keefe left her out of one of his personal projects and tries to force her way into it (being nosy about things that aren’t strictly her business) and grabs one of his notebooks without his permission while he looks visibly uncomfortable and flips through it (invading his personal privacy). So it’s not just Keefe that has the problems I’ve listed here. But this list is strictly about Keefe, as I’ve said, so I won’t talk about anyone else, so in case you’re thinking “Well, [other character] did that too, and you never talked about it”, it’s because this list is solely reasons I don’t like Keefe. 

“‘I’m not sitting any of this out! And if you try to lock me up, it’s on.’” (88) Keefe once again demonstrates a startling lack of growth. He acts like a petulant child whose parents won’t let them go outside while it’s raining or something. He just got information that the Neverseen, specifically Tam, have been ordered to kill him. And knowing this, he insists on not “sitting any of this out”, even though he knows that he’s been ordered to be killed. He once again doesn’t care about how this might impact Sophie’s mental health, and his stupidity is back with full force. When you’re told that someone wants you, specifically you, dead, you listen. He’s so headstrong and arrogant that he thinks he can just, what, not be killed by pure determination? The Neverseen have already proven he can’t just do that. If Keefe could just make a single smart decision in his life or listen to a single good piece of advice, he might not be so annoying and frustrating as a character all the time.

“‘If something goes down in Loamnore like Forkle’s predicting, I will be there with you guys. Just like I’ll be there for anything else that happens—so let’s not make this into a fight, okay?’” (90) Once again, Keefe proves that he cannot take good advice. He throws his loved ones’ mental health under the bus because he’s too selfish not to sit one battle out for their sake. He still hasn’t faced a single consequence for the whole running-off-to-join-the-Neverseen thing, which he admitted in the last book was his biggest mistake. Actions like that should have consequences. And when you’ve been preemptively warned that you might be killed and still choose to go into the battle . . . wow. That’s just plain stupidity. And again, the fact that Keefe is willing to forsake Sophie’s opinion on the matter is ridiculously arrogant and taking-over-ish.

[cut because character limit]

“‘You’ll say, “Wow, that’s the hottest Wanderling I’ve ever seen! Who knew a tree could have such awesome hair?” And then you’ll all sit under my stunning leaves and write poems about my general amazingness.’” (91) Again, Keefe doesn’t know when to be serious. You can’t just joke your way through everything. Some things need to be treated with an appropriate amount of gravity. And Keefe doesn't know when to shut up with the jokes. It’s not a good quality. It makes him tone-deaf and insensitive. 

“‘I can joke about anything!’” (91) Like I just said, this isn’t a flex. It’s not a good thing. It’s very much a bad quality to have. People don’t need jokes all the time. They need them during appropriate times. 

“‘We’re always complaining that we don’t have any good leads. But I’m the lead. And I can’t help you guys if I’m hiding.’” (93) Keefe’s even stupider than I thought, which is really saying something. If Keefe’s the lead, then by definition, he doesn’t have to go anywhere to be useful. His argument is literally “I’m a lead to possibly useful information so you should let me go places”. Serious??? Real??? Bro. Keefe can be a lead sitting at home just fine. You don’t have to go anywhere to draw in a notebook. The fact that this is his argument and the fact that it’s not countered is just plain ridiculous. And stupid. Did I mention stupid? Because this argument is so stupid.

“‘Master elixir maker, ultimate gadget manipulator, and he scored a Foster kiss before Fitzy.’” (94) Keefe literally just casually spilled Sophie’s secret, emphasis on secret, to Sandor and Ro when he knew Sophie didn’t want him to. That’s just. And it’s treated so casually by the narrative. Sophie gets over it in half a second, and she just tells Keefe to stop distracting her. That’s it. This is a huge violation of trust and privacy and Keefe just every-so-casually violated it to try to distract Sophie for half a second. That’s just. It’s so. That is revolting behavior. It’s toxic, it’s selfish, it’s embarrassing (for Sophie), and Keefe, once again, faces no consequences for his actions. The line is a complete throwaway one, and Shannon’s attempt to make this a seemingly normal thing to do instead of the disgusting thing it really was is pathetic. I’d also like to mention that just a book ago, Sophie wouldn’t even tell Fitz, her cognate, who only wanted this information for the sake of their bond, the full story, because Dex had not consented to having the secret spilled. And now Keefe just spills it and you’re telling me Sophie’s just chill with that???

“‘See, but “smart” isn’t my brand. I’m more “reckless dream guy without a care”! It’s part of my whole “bad boy” image.’” (95) Did. Did Keefe just describe himself using blatant stereotypes? Wow. I- That’s just. Wow. Shannon really doesn’t have a single iota of shame. Also, her trying to make Keefe’s recklessness seem like a personality quirk instead of a very real flaw that could get someone else or himself killed is very troubling. Shannon. Stop treating Keefe’s recklessness like a good thing and stop letting him do reckless things without a hint of consequence. I promise nothing bad will happen to you if Keefe is allowed to grow and develop like a good character.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Yup! But I can’t stop her, so I might as well let her take you down with me.’” (97) This is Keefe talking about Ro using him as a lie detector to extort Sophie’s secret out of her, by the way. Which Keefe agrees to do. Which he wouldn’t do if he really was a good friend. Just like Sophie wouldn’t have to make this deal with Ro if Keefe would just listen to good advice for once and do the smart thing. But he doesn’t care about Sophie’s mental health, and he doesn't care about Sophie’s feelings, because or else he would respect them by agreeing to stay out of the Neverseen’s way and not using his empathy to extort secrets Sophie clearly doesn't want to share out of her. And Ro. Honestly, she’s even worse than Keefe, partly because of her personality, but mostly because of the wasted potential. Keefe was always going to be the “bad boy angsty prankster with daddy issues that causes trouble” trope that we've seen a million times. But Ro could’ve been so much more. She’s the ogre princess, and the most Shannon could do with her is make her a Sokeefe fangirl.

“‘He just doesn’t take no for an answer—you know how Keefe is.’” (147) Take that quote out of context, Shannon. I dare you. I wish Shannon would stop treating Keefe’s toxicity as a quirky little trait. The “you know how he is” implies that he’s like that because Keefe’s just Keefe, not because he forces his way into everything even when he shouldn’t. No means no. That is the number one rule of a healthy relationship. We teach this shit in school to teenagers so they don’t end up in abusive relationships, come on, Shannon. Even some random kid with a C- in health class knows more about toxic relationships than you do.

“‘I just love how it took you less than a day after your little chat with Bangs Boy to cut me out of everything.’” (215) Why are we looping back to this conversation??? We already spent almost a hundred pages of the book on it, and no, that is not an exaggeration. You can check. But of course, Keefe can’t not whine. He can’t not be annoying. He can’t not be stupid and nosy and unconcerned for his own safety and take everything Sophie does without him personally.

“‘Not saying she wouldn’t try. But I bet you anything Keefe will find a loophole.’” (270) I really wish people would stop acting like Keefe’s this super smart, all-powerful entity that can get out of any situation just because he’s Keefe. More often than not, Keefe is really stupid. He’s certainly not smart enough to figure out a way to escape an ogre dungeon. People need to stop acting like Keefe could get out of anything. It’s just another way Shannon tries to convince us he’s this smart guy, which is another way of propping up his arrogance.

“‘Yeah, Dex told me all about how not exhausting that was last night, when he checked in to tell me how things went for you two in London, while someone was off doing something with Mr. Forkle that was clearly both frustrating and intense—as most things with Forkle tend to be.’” (351) Sophie immediately goes to Keefe, and he subtly blames Sophie for not telling him what happened because of what she was doing with Forkle, which he even admits was frustrating and intense. That is such an asshole move, I can’t even. He literally blames her for not checking in with him because she had an emotionally exhausting day. Wow. It’s like he expects Sophie to be as obsessed with him as he is with her. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘But do you really think you’re going to be able to leave here without telling me what happened with the Forklenator? If you do, you’re going to be sorely, sorely disappointed—and covered in biscuit crumbs.’” (351) Again, Keefe as good as admits that he’d force Sophie to spill if she didn’t tell him what happened with Mr. Forkle. His extortive ways need to stop being glorified and start being treated like the horrific manipulation it is. 

“‘Soooooooo, what you’re saying is, you think I’m the king of bad decisions,’ Keefe said, laughing when Sophie fumbled for an apology. ‘Relax—I know what you meant. I’m just giving you a hard time. And you have a point. I’m not necessarily great at doing what I’m supposed to do and giving people what they want. And I’m not usually sorry about it either.’” (352) Those goshdarned Os. Shannon. Please stop doing that. It’s so annoying. And why is Sophie trying to apologize? It’s clearly Shannon’s way of making Keefe seem somewhat right. But the truth is, Keefe needs to have these hard truths shoved in his face. He needs someone to tell him unapologetically that he makes horrible decisions and he needs to reflect on that and change. And lastly. That third sentence. Keefe literally sounds . . . proud. Of the fact that he’s never sorry. He’s never sorry about his horrible decisions and he’s fine with that. His arrogance extends so much so that he knows he’s made bad decisions and knows that he should apologize, but doesn’t. And then he brushes that off so casually, like Haha, I don’t apologize for my mistakes. Aren’t I so quirky? People who are genuinely trying to be better usually aren’t like that. Keefe's toxicity and refusal to change even when he knows he should is so frustrating. Like he’s completely resistant to change and Shannon thinks that’s cool and badass. It’s not. It’s cringy and try-hard and most importantly, annoying.

“Keefe snatched Fitz’s wrist. ‘I knew it!’ ‘Knew what?’ Fitz shouted, trying to wrench his arm away. Keefe tightened his grip. ‘Shhhhh, let the Empath work.’” (367) Oh, boy. Keefe really is such a manipulative asshole. He grabs Fitz’s hand to read his emotions because he wants to know why Fitz is offering to search his dad’s memories. He really can’t respect his supposed best friend’s privacy, can he? He can’t control himself; when he wants to know something he needs to have it right away. He breaches people’s trust and boundaries. Fitz tries to “wrench his arm away”, meaning that he’s uncomfortable and clearly doesn’t want this. But Keefe instead tightens his grip and forcibly extricates what he wants out of Fitz, even having the audacity to say “let the Empath work”. What an asshole. Honestly. He’s such a piece of shit. He’s a terrible person and the fact that Shannon is romanticizing this behavior is revolting.

“Keefe smirked. ‘I think the moral of this conversation is, females are cruel.’” (369) I know I said I was ready to forgive Keefe’s sexist comments in the first and second books because they likely weren’t intentional in the way they came off (and are more of Shannon’s problem than Keefe’s really, but all of Keefe’s problems are inevitably Shannon’s, so) and they’d been removed from the graphic novel, so it was safe to say that Shannon didn’t want them there on second thought. But this book? It was released in 2019, seven years later. So yes, I’m counting this. And I said this once or twice already, but authors need to stop having male love interests be so casually sexist as a way of making them ““““““cooler””””””. Especially in a world where sexism isn’t supposed to even exist, oh my goodness. 

[cut because character limit]

“But she couldn’t leave without making sure Keefe was okay. He assured her he would be—and the third time he said it, he almost sounded convincing.” (371) That’s right. Sophie checks on Keefe not once, not twice, but three times to make sure he’s okay. Because . . . his dad’s going to have his memories searched by Fitz. Something that doesn’t even really involve him. But Sophie didn’t show even close to the same level of concern for Fitz, even though he’s clearly going through something with Alvar and Keefe explicitly says he’s feeling a mixture of embarrassment and anger. She doesn’t try to talk to him about it, doesn’t try to make sure he’ll be okay. Nothing. But Keefe has to be pampered and pitied. Of course. It shows another clear prioritization in the narrative of Keefe.

There’s not really a single quote I can pull to show this from Legacy (although there is actually a quote from Flashback page 48 that I have up there somewhere), but Sophie claims she understands all of Keefe’s actions because he’s doing it because of guilt with what happened with his mom. Every reckless decision he’s made was in an attempt to cope with that, right? But now, Fitz is going through the same thing. And not for a single second does Sophie try to apply the same understanding to Fitz about what it must be like to feel guilt and shame over a traitorous family member. Instead, all that spare pity goes to Keefe. The double standards, honestly.

“‘And don’t think I’m going to forget about the E.L. Fudges you owe me,’” (371) It’s a small thing, but Keefe never actually asks Sophie to get him the cookies. He just demands it from her, and now she apparently “owe[s]” them to him. 

“‘I mean, I feel like if there’s one thing Fitzy and I both excel at, it’s making you angry.’” (542) You should never excel at making someone you care about angry. That’s not a good thing. (Yes, this applies to Fitz as well, but at least he always apologizes and makes amends. Keefe, not so much.)

“‘Okay, but just because you guys are smart enough to think of that doesn’t mean the Neverseen are,’ Keefe argued. ‘And even if you’re right, isn’t it worth it to double-check?’” (558) Is he really this stupid. Please tell me this isn’t real. Keefe. This is the Neverseen. Of course they’re smart enough to think of that! They’re always a million steps ahead and for the last seven books, we know that underestimating them leads to terrible things. Keefe’s stupidity is really just so. Ugh. And no. It’s not “worth it” to “double-check” a place where they know the Neverseen frequently go. All Keefe ever wants to do is run straight into danger without a plan and all Sophie (and the narrative) ever does is let him without any consequences. 

“‘Yeah, well, then you proved my mom’s a murderer, so excuse me for freaking out a little,’ Keefe snapped, tearing a hand through his hair.” (559) Freaking out would be understandable. And he is. But Keefe wants to go straight to London to a place where the Neverseen are known to go without a plan just because . . . he thinks it will trigger a memory. No guarantee, he just thinks it will. This guy is so stupid, and I’m so tired of the way everyone in the story (mostly Sophie) just bends to his will. Because it’s Keefe. 

“‘I don’t care about safe or smart right now,’ Keefe added quietly. ‘I care about finding the truth. Just let me walk those streets. That’s all I’m asking.’” (559) No, “all [he’s] asking” is to go to a place where they know the Neverseen go. He also literally admitted that he doesn’t care about safety or being smart. Why the heck does anyone take this guy seriously? He should be put in his place right now, not encouraged. But that’s what the narrative does. Instead of punishing him for his reckless behavior, the narrative instead glorifies it. Not to mention, he’s not supposed to go anywhere the Neverseen could be right now. Because they think they’re trying to kill him. 

[cut because character limit]

“Mostly, though, she’d seen Keefe like this before—dangling by such a very, very thin thread. There was too high of a risk that it would snap and he’d run off without her.” (560) And when Keefe needs something, everyone needs to bend over backwards to accommodate him. He’s such a spoiled brat and it’s so tiring to watch the narrative justify his actions over and over again. He gets special treatment. As soon as he needs something, even if it goes against every single logical decision that could possibly be made, Sophie will make sure he gets it. Or at least Shannon will. He should not be encouraged, he should be punished for this. 

“‘I know I’ve made huge mistakes in the past, but I’m trying to learn from them—and the last thing I ever want to do is let you down. Okay?’” (568) He says, while going on an excursion to a place where the Neverseen regularly go after blatantly admitting he doesn’t care about safety or being smart. He just wants to get his way. That’s his problem. He’s so emotional, and not at all rational. He can’t see two steps in front of him because all he cares about is himself and what he thinks he can find, and he’s willing to sideline smarter ideas because he still thinks he’s smarter than everyone. So no, he has not learned a single thing. It’s laughable that he thinks he has. And we also get more pedestalization of Sophie, with him saying he never wants to let her down. What about letting Fitz, his best friend, down? What about the rest of their team? What about Mr. Forkle? What about Alden and Della, who he thought of as his own parents? Goodness.

“[ . . . ] she was planning to use midnight as the ‘we need to get home and face the consequences of our actions’ handy cutoff [ . . . ]” (573) It’s worth it to say that Sophie doesn’t want to go to London. She never did. She only goes because Keefe goes, and she knows that he will do something dumb if she is not there to babysit him. She knows it’s a bad choice, but she (rightfully) doesn’t trust Keefe, so she takes the responsibility to make sure they get home safe on herself because she’s knows Keefe will not prioritize that. The fact that she goes is again, another clear show of her lack of faith in Keefe, because all he’s done is do reckless stupid things. To say Sophie trusts Keefe is blatantly false, because if she did, she would not have given into him so easily even though she herself thinks this is a bad idea and she would have trusted that he wouldn’t try to run off himself.

“‘Thanks for the warning, by the way,’ he told Tam. ‘As you can see, it worked super well.’” (579) Keefe is just so. I don’t even have the words. Not only does he not listen to Tam after being warned about a possible attempt on his life, but he literally flaunts his disobedience and stubbornness in Tam’s face. He’s so arrogant, he literally cares about one-upping Tam over the possible attempt on his life. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘We had her,’ Keefe said again. ‘And Tam would’ve been free if he’d just come with us.’ [ . . . ] Just like she stopped herself from reminding Keefe that when he’d been with the Neverseen, there’d been a moment when he’d chosen to help Alvar escape instead of fleeing with her and her friends. They’d have that conversation later. Once Keefe had calmed down. And once she’d had more time to process what had happened—because even if Tam did have a good reason for what he’d done, it could still end up being the kind of mistake they’d all pay the price for.” (587) Except they never do “have that conversation later”. Shannon loves to drop the ball on important conversations that should take place between Sophie and Keefe in exchange for her forced consolation scenes. Then she says that even if Tam’s “betrayal” had a good reason, they’d still all pay the price. Which she never thinks about when Keefe did a similar thing in Lodestar. She never allows herself to think that Keefe may be in the wrong after Keefe escapes with Alvar and the crystal. Even though Keefe did that of his own free will and Tam was forced. Just. The double standards when it comes to anyone that’s not Keefe. It’s just another example of how the narrative favors Keefe. 

“‘This . . . is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me—by a lot.’” (598) Again, with the pity-partying. I don’t understand why Shannon insists on making Keefe wallow in all this self-pity. He takes any opportunity to remind Sophie of just how terrible his life is, even when it’s not relevant, and then we’re supposed to believe he doesn’t want pity? That’s laughable. Why would he keep saying these things if he didn’t want pity or sympathy? That’s not how that works. Also, this statement is objectively untrue. Alden and Della cared for him as much as they could. All the adults offered their places when he didn’t know where to go. But, once again, Keefe only cares about what Sophie does for him. He takes everything else for granted. It makes him come off as whiny. I think offering your place to stay is a much better favor than getting someone cookies, but okay. Why must he be such a pity magnet?

“‘I mean . . . the next time I see Bangs Boy, I’m going to kick him somewhere extra sensitive.’” (598) For what? For helping Gisela escape? Like Keefe did with Alvar when he was with the Neverseen? Oh, what a hypocrite. By that logic, someone should kick Keefe, since he did much worse things. Here’s a list: compromising Alluveterre, giving up his blood, freeing Alvar (which probably wouldn’t have mattered, given the whole Lumenaria thing, but Keefe didn’t know that at the time), being wrong several times about the Neverseen going after Grady and Edaline, giving up the cache and bringing back fakes, and giving Sophie the tracker that led the Neverseen to her and Fitz. Where’s his punishment for all that? Why is everybody so ready to forgive him? Of course, Sophie doesn’t call Keefe out for any of that despite saying she would not even fifteen pages ago (the quote from two bullet points ago). 

“‘If you have other things to do—’ Keefe tried to tell her. But Sophie shook her head, channeling Sandor when she told him, ‘I go where you go.’” (625) Sophie then sidelines her duties for Keefe’s incredibly stupid mission to find two black bottles from literal years ago. When I say the narrative favors Keefe. This is what I mean. Sophie puts Keefe above her team. She cares more about his ill-fated search for the bottles than she does about her own job. Shannon. Stop acting like everything Sophie does when she blatantly puts Keefe above everything is justified. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Uh-uh, Foster. You’re not making me sit all this out.’” (643) Keefe is really so dumb that even now when he has all the information, he still wants to go running straight into danger. And I think this is a good time to talk about one other thing. You can count on two things when it comes to Keefe. One: He’ll always throw a pity party for himself and mope around and whine and cry and be all It’s all my fault, woe is me, and then immediately follow that up with a “I don’t want your pity”, as if that lessens his pity-partying, and two: He’ll always want to be in on the action because he thinks he’s smarter than everyone else, although he’s usually the stupidest person in the room. However, these two things are directly contradictory. If Keefe really thought everything was all his fault, he would volunteer to sit missions out. He would say that he’s a liability and that he’s trying to work on himself and that he wants to make sure he won’t fuck anything else up, so he’d want to sit out things like this to ensure he didn’t mess everything up. That’s how I know he doesn’t actually care about anyone but himself and his wishes, and that he’s just trying to make everyone feel bad for him when he brings up how everything is his fault. If he really did want to change and improve, he’d do some self-reflection, realize he’s always the problem, and tell everyone that he’s going to not go into the field so he doesn't mess everything up like he always does. Yet, he’s the opposite. He always wants to go straight into the action without a thought or plan. When he throws his pity-parties, he never explains to Sophie how he’s going to stop himself from messing everything up again. He just says “I’ll do better, I’m trying to be better”, and then he just leaves it at that. If he truly felt that everything was his fault, he would not always think he’s smarter than everyone and override everyone’s plans with his own. Bottom line is: Keefe’s a massive hypocrite. Every single thing he does or says is in stark contrast to something else he says or does. And the narrative just lets him get away with it, every time. He is so frustrating. 

“‘You won’t be missing out on anything, except watching me fail epically at being Team Valiant’s leader and Fitz’s girlfriend,’ ‘You’re not failing at either of those things,’ Keefe assured her quietly.” (644) Oh, she definitely is. And Keefe is a major part of that, too, because Sophie favors him over everyone, including Fitz and her team. But that’s not his fault, it’s the narrative’s. What is his fault is telling Sophie that she’s not bad at these things. Good friends know when to call out their friends on their bad behavior. They don’t instead tell their friends to stick their head in the sand and ignore it. They don’t pedestalize their friends to such an extent that they are incapable of believing they could ever be in the wrong. This is an extreme example, but if your friend was an alcoholic, would you tell them that everything’s fine and that they aren’t failing miserably at life because they’re drunk before ten in the morning everyday? No, because good friends know when to call their friends out. They don’t encourage it or sugarcoat it. If Keefe would stop pedestalizing Sophie, he would tell her that yes, this is all her fault, actually, and he would assure her that she can still fix her mistakes and might even give her pointers on how to do that. But Sophie is failing at these things. It does nobody any good to pretend she’s not. Navigating this miserable minefield of a forced consolation scene and getting to this quote actually made me put down the book and laugh. Because seriously. How is this real? How?

“And Sophie started to shake her head, but he reached up, gently grabbing her chin.” (644) Another example of Keefe creepily touching Sophie without her permission. It’s not okay, even if they’re close.

[cut because character limit]

“Sophie closed her eyes, taking a second to remind herself that Fitz had every right to be upset. But for some reason that felt hard to believe at the moment.” (675) There’s no real quote that goes with what I’m about to say, so this’ll have to do. This has more to do with the way Keefe is written rather than the character himself. When Keefe has a reason to go batshit, Sophie’s there with him, usually in an atrociously written forced consolation scene, comforting him and telling him it’s not his fault. When she’s not, the narrative at least justifies his actions a considerable amount. Most other characters don’t get that same treatment. For example, Fitz. Fitz told Sophie and Keefe both (well, actually, it was forced out of him by Keefe, but details, am I right?) that he was searching for Alvar. It’s that same mix of guilt and frustration and anger and embarrassment (the last two are canonically confirmed, page 367, I have the quote up there somewhere) that causes him to embark on this quest. Sound familiar? That’s exactly what Keefe feels with regards to his mom, and his feelings manifest as reckless decisions. They make him stupid. They make him overly emotional. They make him dangerous. And most notably, they make everyone fall over themselves trying to feel sorry for him. Of course, Keefe does deserve some sympathy, but the amount that the narrative showers on him is completely over-the-top. Where is that treatment for Fitz? He embarks on a mission to find Alvar to relieve himself of those same feelings, which isn’t viewed with nearly as much sympathy as Keefe’s reckless decisions to do the same with his mother are viewed with. Then when Keefe and Sophie take over his project and completely screw him over, then literally let Alvar go which is exactly what Fitz has been trying to avoid which they are fully aware of without even getting Fitz’s permission, the narrative makes Fitz out to be the bad person. He’s just trying to do the same thing Keefe is, in a less reckless, dangerous, stupid, and emotional manner, may I add, and he’s instantly villainized for it. How much do you want to bet that if this exact thing had happened except it was with Gisela and Keefe, the narrative would have tripped over itself to justify Keefe’s (rightful) anger? Oh wait . . . it already did. With Tam in London. I almost lost sight of that moment among the mashpot of similar moments that are all designed to heap as much sympathy as possible onto Keefe. That’s what I’m saying. Most people don’t care as much about Fitz’s feelings as they do Keefe’s, not because his feelings aren’t valid, but because the narrative drains any excess sympathy you might feel for him and dumps it all onto Keefe. It’s nothing but biased writing. 

“‘I mean, how hard is it to shape a threat into a clever couplet or two?’” (694) Shannon needs to stop making the same joke about rhyming notes. Also, Keefe once again demonstrates a lack of seriousness during a crisis.

“[ . . . ] ‘you don’t have to worry. I’m not going to let my mom hurt anyone.’” (694) As if he can control who his mom hurts. You would think he would’ve learned that by now, but it’s Keefe. I am not even close to being surprised. Also, another example of a forced consolation scene with no point! Yay!

[cut because character limit]

“‘Did I not mention?’ Keefe called from somewhere in the shadows. ‘I brought friends.’” (729) Exactly. So he didn’t have to come. He claims he came to help out with an exit strategy using Linh’s dwarven bodyguards, right? So really only Linh was necessary here. Keefe didn’t have to come at all. His excuse was pathetic. He really can’t stay out of the crew’s way, even when everyone, including Keefe himself, agrees that it’s the best plan. But he can’t help but hijack their shared plan for his own. Sound familiar? That’s right, it’s what he did in Nightfall and so many other books and claimed to be learning from. But this right here is proof that he didn’t learn anything. The crew’s entire plan hinged on the fact that Keefe wasn’t going to be in Loamnore. That was the whole point. So by coming, Keefe didn’t just trip up a few small details, he literally ruined their entire plan. He didn’t have to come, he came because he wanted to. Because, once again, he really thinks he’s smarter than everyone. His arrogance never fails to astound me. 

“And she wondered how much it had cost Tam to give her that warning about Keefe. How desperate he’d been to avoid the exact situation they were now in.” (740) And Keefe knew that. He knew exactly what it would mean for him to come to Loamnore after explicitly and clearly being told not to. He’s literally that ungrateful of all the warning attempts, all the ways Tam risked his life to deliver them, and completely takes Tam for granted. He’s a horrible excuse for a person, honestly. 

“‘I know,’ Keefe told him. ‘And I tried to listen.’” (744) What does that even mean??? Excuses, excuses, excuses. He could’ve listened if his head wasn’t so far up his own ass. Once again, the “reason” that Keefe came to Loamnore was because he realized they didn’t have an exit strategy, right? But the exit strategy didn’t need him. It needed Linh’s bodyguards. He was completely and utterly unnecessary.

“Keefe slept through the next day—and Sophie chose to stay in the Healing Center with him.” (774) Which she never does for anybody else. Not Fitz in Neverseen, not Biana in Nightfall. As a matter of fact, she never even checks in with Biana on-page to see how she’s doing after the Nightfall incident. More examples of Sophie and the narrative favoring Keefe to such an extent it’s ridiculous. And of course, Sophie will neglect several things and people because of this. And it’s even worse because Keefe brought this all upon himself, while Biana and Fitz didn’t.

“Victory? Didn’t they care about what happened to Keefe?” (776) The narrative is so caught up in what happened to Keefe that it’s completely biased. What happened in Loamnore was a victory. Everyone survived and Enki was made to pay for what he did. That is literally a victory. But as soon as something bad happens to Keefe, that’s enough to make it so that it’s not??? It’s another example of biased writing. 

“He hadn’t woken up the next day either—the third day—even after Sophie decided to transmit the plea over and over.” (778) Sophie literally stays in the Healing Center for three days to look after Keefe, who’s not even awake for her to talk to or cheer up or anything. So she’s effectively wasting time, but of course the narrative doesn’t see it that way. How else will Keefe get his special treatment? How else will Sophie neglecting everyone for Keefe be justified? It’s honestly such an insult to both Sophie and Keefe as characters. Keefe is favored far too much by the story and it’s very obvious that Sophie would do several things for him that she wouldn’t for anyone else (and vice versa), like stay in the Healing Center with him while he’s unconscious for three days just wasting time. 

Unlocked Part One (Sorry, I only finished everything up until the novella. Part Two coming soon, I guess?):

First of all, I have to say that Keefe’s editing of his file is just ridiculously immature, even for a sixteen(?)-year-old. It’s very obvious that Shannon did this because people like Keefe so much and because she’s trying to make Keefe seem “cooler” and more of a bad boy. Personally, I find the attempt hilariously pathetic, but it probably landed with most people, so. And his edits are so boring and unwitty, too. Typical Keefe.

“SPYBALL APPROVAL: None [BUT I HAVE FRIENDS WITH CONNECTIONS, THAT’S ALL I’M SAYING. . . .]” (92) Why would you. Say that. In an official file. And purposefully cast suspicion on people around you. Why.

“SIGNIFICANT CONNECTIONS: [ . . . ] [SWORN PROTECTOR OF THE MYSTERIOUS MISS F]” (93) I would say this is probably a joke, but given Keefe’s attitude throughout the series, It’s very clear that it’s not. Why would you embarrass yourself like that in an official government file???

“[[ . . . ] SHE THINKS SHE’S WAY SMARTER THAN SHE IS. [ . . . ]]” (93) Oh, I think she’s pretty smart. Gisela’s shown time and time again that she’s capable of outwitting and manipulating people into doing what she wants. Meanwhile, here’s Keefe, a stupid teenager, who, by the way, as of this point hasn’t gotten the better of her even once. So I’m not really sure how much we should be believing this guy.

“[[ . . . ] ‘HE KNOWS FOSTER BETTER THAN YOU DO! BETTER THAN SHE EVEN KNOWS HERSELF’?]” (94) I- I don’t even have the words. This is the cringiest thing I’ve read today. Possibly the cringiest thing I’ve read this year. Why is he saying this weird shit in an official government file??? Is Shannon really that desperate to show us that Keefe has a crush on Sophie??? Also, nobody knows anyone better than they know themself. To say that is to write off someone’s feelings. Sophie will always know Sophie better than Keefe knows Sophie. That’s just how it is. Also, this section is about his empathy, nothing to do with Sophie. But see how his mind jumps right to her and immediately connects her to it? That's a textbook sign of obsession and pedestalization. Sophie has nothing to do with his strong empathy. But he brings her up anyway. That’s not a good thing. 

“[THOUGH . . . KEEPING IT REAL? THE FOSTER OBLIVION CAN BE KINDA NOT COOL SOMETIMES.]” (94) Why the hell would you say that in an official government file??? Also, the fact that he thinks the “Foster Oblivion” is not cool . . . like that’s literally none of his business??? God, I wish people would stop harping on Sophie for being oblivious. It’s literally none of their business and also not a bad thing. Sophie can decide what she wants or doesn’t want to believe.

“[BUT THE REST OF THE STUFF IN THIS SECTION IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GETTING REDACTED. SERIOUSLY—BOUNDARIES, PEOPLE! FOSTER’S AMAZING—AND OBVIOUSLY WORKING WITH ME MAKES HER EVEN MORE AMAZING. . . . ]” (97) First of all, counting out all those Os was hell (there are twenty-two). Shannon really needs to stop doing that. That’s what italics are for. Second of all, “boundaries”? Oh, wow. This is so funny, considering all the times Keefe violates Sophie’s boundaries all the time. So not only does he encroach on her space, now he’s a hypocrite. He (rightfully) thinks it’s weird that the Council have an entire section speculating on their relationship, but then in a previous section he says that the Foster Oblivion can be “kinda not cool sometimes”? What?

[cut because character limit]

“[[ . . . ] FOSTER GETS TO DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS, OKAY? SHE CAN LIKE WHOEVER SHE WANTS OR BE CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT SHE’S FEELING. SHE CAN EVEN BE OBLIVIOUS—IT’S HER LIFE. HER CHOICE. AND EVERYONE NEEDS TO STAY OUT OF IT.] [EVEN ME.] [ESPECIALLY ME. I WOULD NEVER WANT TO . . . ] [NEVER MIND. MY POINT IS, LET THE POOR GIRL FIGURE THIS OUT ON HER OWN. [ . . . ]]” (98) If you’ve seen withcindy on YouTube, you probably know about the whole “It’s your choice” thing and how Rhysand invented feminism. If you don't, I highly recommend watching her ACOTAR videos. They’re hilarious. Anyway, that’s what immediately came to mind when I read this scene. Aw, how noble Keefe is. I really wish Shannon would stop beating the audience over the head about how good and sweet and pure and selfless and kind and amazing and spectacular and perfect and angelic and endearing Keefe is. Like Shannon, show not tell. Every time Shannon wants us to see how perfect Keefe is, she just makes him spit out some bullshit that nobody would realistically say. Then he just turns around and continues with his shitty actions, and Shannon thinks that makes him the perfect guy. No, it does not. He’s honestly giving fake-woke vibes with this word vomit. You know, the kind of people that say all the right things but never put it into action? That’s Keefe. He claims everyone needs to stay out of her life because it’s her choice, but then he goes around reading her emotions without her permission and extorting information out of her that she isn’t comfortable sharing. What a hypocrite. Honestly, Sophie should be running. He then says to let Sophie figure it all out herself and even he shouldn’t interfere, which directly contradicts all the times he himself interfered and made jokes about Sophie’s romantic life for his own amusement. More hypocrisy! Love this guy.

“[[ . . . ] I DIDN’T FIGURE IT OUT FAST ENOUGH, AND SHE USED ME FOR A WHILE. BUT THAT’S ALL DONE NOW, AND IT’S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE I TAKE HER DOWN. LET’S MOVE ON, SHALL WE?]” (98) Here, we have a serious contradiction. We’re constantly told Keefe feels overwhelming guilt at his mother’s betrayal (for what reason, I can’t fathom, but whatever) and that he thinks he messes everything up. But at the same time, he’s also easily able to brush right past it and claim that at some point he will for sure “take her down” (because his arrogance is the only thing that can trump his guilt). 

“[[ . . . ] I REALLY DON’T NEED ANYONE REMINDING FOSTER HOW MAD SHE WAS AT ME. [ . . . ]]” (100) Another example of the section having nothing to do with Sophie (it’s about him becoming a Mercadir), yet Keefe still somehow managing to drag the topic of Sophie’s anger at him into it. She’s on his mind all the time. I cannot emphasize enough how strange it is to think this is a good thing. It’s not romantic, it’s obsessive and borderline creepy. Also, Sophie is not going to read this file. Calm down, Keefe.

“[WHY IS THERE NOT A SECTION ON MY AMAZING HAIR????]” (100) Have some more old-school, cringy Keefe “humor”. Ah, it’s just like the good old days when he would talk about his hair almost non-stop.

[cut because character limit]

“But I was only half listening because she gets this cute little crinkle between her eyebrows when she’s trying to be serious, and it makes me want to reach up and smooth her forehead with my fingertip—and I’m betting she’d think I was super weird if I did that, since it’s not like she’s my . . . ” (481) Yes, this is an actual thing Shannon wrote that got past the editors without anyone dying of cringe. First of all, I hate the way Keefe talks about Sophie. She’s just this soft, kind of ditzy, child-like sort of figure in his head. He admits that he doesn’t care what she has to say, he just cares about how adorable she looks while she says it. This is a textbook sign of a toxic relationship. You should care about what your partner/crush says, because that shows that you see them as a person, not as your personal cover model. Also “trying to be serious” paints Sophie as this impudent little child who’s trying to get the attention of the older, more experienced adults and it very much implies that Sophie is not serious, but awwww, look how cute she looks trying to be serious, isn’t it adorable? Except Keefe and Sophie are the same age. So this is another case of textbook infantilization. I hate how this is made out to be normal and healthy in this series, it makes me so angry. And that last part isn’t anything specifically bad but it reads very oddly and is not at all the way real people think. What the heck.

“Pretty sure I’m just stalling, because this feels kiiiiiiiiiiiinda pointless.” (481) Not a Keefe-specific thing, but Shannon needs to stop stretching out her words like that. Especially since he’s literally writing this. Who writes like that??? Just underline it please, Shannon.

There’s a whole paragraph here on page 482 (if I had a digital copy I would copy-paste it here just to show you how cringy and long it is, but sadly, I don’t) which is clearly Shannon just trying to make Keefe look smart while also rubbing his daddy issues in our faces so we can drown in our pity for him. It’s not funny, which I assume it was meant to be. It comes off really, really cringy.

“I’m sure I’ll be digging into my mess of mommy issues soon enough. For now, let’s get back to the day Daddy Dearest met the Mysterious Miss F, shall we?” (484) Correct me if I’m wrong, but the point is this whole draw-memories-and-write-about-them thing is to try to find stuff Keefe’s mom might have erased from his head, right? So why is he completely sidestepping that very valid quest for a deep-dive into his daddy issues? This is not an issue I have with Keefe the person, but rather the way he’s written. Shannon sidesteps what makes logical sense for the story in order to fluff up the story with more Keefe content. In other words, the story’s coherence and logic is sacrificed for more Keefe page time where it doesn’t make sense. And I’m sick of it. It’s ridiculous, and nothing short of shameless fanservice.

“Once they do, they either feel awkward, or weird, or they start pitying me for having such a horrible family.” (485) Maybe if you wouldn’t talk about it all the time and rub it in people’s faces all the time, people would pity you less, hm? (And I am not saying Keefe shouldn’t talk about it, by the way. I'm just saying talking about it so much is not indicative of a person who wants to repress this or doesn’t want people to pity them. If Keefe truly didn’t want anyone’s pity, he wouldn’t keep bringing up his family all the time when it’s not necessary. But he does. It’s really contradictory. Pick a lane, Shannon.) It’s very clear Shannon only has Keefe constantly talk about how much he hates everyone’s pity because she needs to hide the fact that half the time, he’s the one committing that particular act. 

[cut because character limit]

“Thankfully, Foster didn't do that. She just felt sad—and a little bit indignant. And if I hadn't already known I liked her, I would’ve—” (486) First of all, what? Sophie has pitied Keefe for his horrible family several times over the course of the story. It’s constantly shoved in our face as every single other character takes a backseat in the story because poor, precious Keefe needs his pity from the audience, remember? So he’s not even right. Also, how is feeling sad for someone significantly different than pitying them? In both cases, you understand what the other person’s going through and wish it weren’t that way. You feel sorrow at the other person’s suffering. Pity is bad, but feeling sad for someone is good? What? Shannon’s really out here in the trenches trying to make Sokeefe sail off of weird, irrelevantly tiny details and minute differences like this. Keefe literally says that if he hadn’t already liked her, he would’ve started liking her . . . because of that completely insignificant difference. What. What, what, what. The entire point of this horrifically put-together explanation of the memory is to push Sokeefe. Please, can we please involve Keefe in something that isn’t designed to push Sokeefe? That last sentence . . . nobody talks like that. Certainly nobody writes like that. I think it’s supposed to be cutesy, like awwwww, look at poor Keefe with his adorable crush on Sophie, he’s so down bad, but it comes off so weird.

“[ . . . ] I guess that might’ve also had something to do with the bumps and scrapes and broken ribs I got when Mommy Dearest and her Neverseen buddies showed up and tried to steal Silveny. [ . . . ] But that’s not what this memory was about.” (486-487) Once again, we are veering in the exact opposite direction of what the point of this all is. Why do we care about Sophie and Keefe on an alicorn? What exactly does that have to do with Keefe searching for memories his mom might’ve taken from him? Nothing. It’s just another example of Keefe and Sokeefe being pushed above all sense and logic. It’s ruining the cohesiveness of the story. Why do we care? What is the point? 

“All I did was make a bunch of jokes to distract her—and it was super fun feeling her get all annoyed and embarrassed. I mean, look at that adorable blush! I could see it even with the moonlight washing out most of the color.” (488) Keefe’s thoughts about Sophie are truly heinous. He enjoys annoying her and embarrassing her, even back then, when he didn’t really know her that well? Wow, sign me up! I love it when guys annoy and embarrass me. Makes me feel really great. Definitely makes them well-rounded and grounded in reality. I suppose the comment on Sophie’s blush isn’t infantilization in this case, but the way Shannon tries so hard to push Sokeefe at every moment possible is really grating on me. And that last sentence. Who talks like that??? “I could see it even with the moonlight washing out most of the color” what the heck. Why does he talk so stilted like that??? Who. Talks. Like. This.

[cut because character limit]

“In fact . . . if I’m keeping it real . . . I’m pretty sure that blush is the reason I drew this memory. [ . . . ] That was the first time it felt like . . . maybe I had a tiny shot at making this brave, beautiful, blushing girl like me. [ . . . ] But there’s a teeny, tiny chance. And that’s enough. For now.” (489) This all feels so incredibly forced, like Shannon wants so desperately to show you why Sophie and Keefe would be so good together before she actually puts them together. It’s such an insecure way of writing. You shouldn’t have to spoonfeed your reader with weird rambles to show why a pair clicks. The readers should be able to see that themselves through the genuine, candid interactions you write. Through their dynamic. Through their relationship. But Sophie and Keefe’s relationship is chock full of boundary breaching, constant annoyance and embarrassment, and a lack of trust. So spoonfeeding it is! Also the way Keefe thinks about Sophie is just so. Ew. To me. Like it’s so over-the-top for no reason. Nobody thinks like this, even about their crush, even about their long-term crush, even about their long-term crush who they really, really, really like. I cannot believe this got past the editors, I am dying of cringe here. Also, I really wish Keefe would stop tacking “for now” at the end every time he talks about who Sophie will pick, because it really undercuts his supposed support for her choices. What, sometime in the future, he’ll feel like a chance isn’t enough? That’s what that “for now” is giving.

Keefe: I don’t want your pity. Also Keefe: “It’s super, super fun to be me, isn’t it?” (491) (Yes, I am aware that he said this in a private journal. But he says plenty of stuff like this out loud, too. So yeah, he really is just an overhyped pity magnet.)

“Any trust I was supposed to earn from handing over Kenric’s cache vanished the second Sophie did. And I knew the Neverseen were never going to trust me.” (494) He knew that from the start? And didn’t just leave after that? He knew his plan was hopeless and still went along with it. I know I’m beating a dead horse but somehow this makes his plan even stupider than it already was, which is pretty stupid. He literally knew his plan was bullshit. And he still did it. Because he wanted to “save[] the day and fix[] everything” (493). What the heck. Keefe is just. I don’t know how this is a real character. He is just so infuriatingly stupid, I’m actually speechless.

“And I’m pretty lucky no one got seriously hurt, and that Foster forgave me. I wasn't sure if she would.” (494) She really shouldn’t have, not without some serious work on Keefe’s part to gain her trust back. And what has he done since then? Oh, right, he’s hijacked their shared plans, refused good medical advice until he was forced to, extorted her feelings out of her, spilled personal secrets, and not agreed to stay away from the Neverseen when they thought they were specifically gunning for him. Where has he ever done anything to show even the slightest bit of development? He’s basically the same Keefe. No growth, no change. It really is a miracle that Sophie forgave him. Oh, wait, no it’s not. Because Shannon’s writing the series, and she needs Sokeefe to happen. Right. I forgot.

[cut because character limit]

“Sometimes I still worry that some tiny part of her holds it against me. That she’ll never fully trust me. That she’ll always see me as the guy who betrayed her and stole from her and ran off with the enemy.” (494) This would be really cool to explore if it was actually done. Sophie holding this against Keefe and struggling with that in the aftermath of Lodestar would be an awesome way to develop their relationship and have them overcome that hurdle and give them both some much needed development. But we know that aside from a single line at the beginning of Nightfall, Sophie never really blames Keefe. She just immediately forgives him for his time with the Neverseen. It’s pathetic writing. Something like that should have consequences. But it doesn’t, because then our poor Keefe will have to be *gasp* villainized. There could be this whole arc about how Sophie doesn’t trust Keefe the same and it impacts their relationship subtly and both of them feel it but don’t want to talk about it and it’s this giant, gaping hole. Then finally there’s a climax where Keefe confronts her about it and maybe she yells at him and he agrees that he’ll do anything to get her trust back. Then he does it. He does the smart thing, takes the smart advice. And he learns. He understands what he did was wrong and is truly a different person now. Honestly, the fact that Shannon explained this out shows me that she’s aware the possibility of this arc exists, but unfortunately, didn’t actually put it into action. Would it have been the most original conflict ever? No. But it would’ve been much better than whatever this dumpster fire of a lack of an arc she actually wrote is. I think I might’ve genuinely enjoyed Sophie and Keefe as a couple if she’d just made them have some distrust that they overcome through genuine work and growth.

“I make myself remember that expression every time I have to be around Fitzphie. It stops me from screaming, DON’T PICK HIM—PICK ME. [ . . . ] I did that. Not sure I deserve to be forgiven.” (494-495) One thing I really don’t get is why we need this commentary. Half the actual novella is written from Keefe’s perspective. I’m sure Shannon could’ve snuck in something to this effect into his actual inner monologue. Instead, we get this incredibly unsubtle, beating-over-the-head of a pity party. The implication here is that Keefe feels if he hadn’t made so many mistakes, he would’ve been a better partner for Sophie than Fitz, which is not his right to decide. Even if Keefe was a perfect angel who’d never made any mistake ever in his life, Sophie still has the right to choose who she wants to be with. Being a perfect person doesn’t automatically make you entitled to a romantic relationship. So the fact that Keefe thinks this is just so icky and gross. Seriously, the only thing stopping him from being unsupportive of Sophie and Fitz’s relationship (who are his friends, may I add) is the reminder of his own mistake? So if he hadn’t made that mistake he would shamelessly think he was a better choice for Sophie? This is borderline “nice guy” behavior. Then at the end he throws himself a pity-party as a little cherry on top, but of course he doesn’t actually think that, because if he was truly worried about whether he should be forgiven or not he would try to be better. Listen more. Deflate his head a little. Stop thinking he’s the smartest one in the room all the time. But he doesn’t, because he doesn’t care. He is a walking contradiction, the definition of a hypocrite. He annoys the shit out of me.

Also this memory contributed nothing to finding his erased memories and was instead just another vehicle to beat us over the head with Sokeefe content, which makes the Everblaze memory the only one that has actual significance to the task at hand so far.

[cut because character limit]

“I almost lost her. And if I had, it would’ve been all my fault. All of this is my . . . ” (497) Keefe go one page without throwing yourself a pity-party challenge (impossible). Seriously, instead of blaming himself for things that are his fault and that he can learn and grow from, he blames himself for this??? I don’t know how Shannon is even coming up with this stuff. But how are we going to get our pity-parties, no matter how little they make sense, if she doesn’t pull drama out of her ass? Also, once again, this memory has nothing to do with Lady Gisela or Keefe’s erased memories or anything to do with his condition at all.

“That’s been my plan for a long time—and not because I don’t think she can take care of herself. Because she shouldn’t have to. She’s dealing with enough pressure and responsibility and people trying to kill her. If there’s anything I can do to make things easier for her, I’ll do it. No matter what.” (499) I really wish Shannon would stop beating us over the head with all the reasons Sophie and Keefe are perfect for each other. Stop spoonfeeding us, Shannon. If they really do go together well, we’d be able to see it from their bond with each other. We don’t need to have all the reasons they should be together listed out in front of us like we’re reading a textbook. Shannon makes Keefe say all the perfect relationship green flags, as if any normal person talks, writes, or even thinks like this. This is an amazing example of Shannon’s tendency to tell, not show. Now that we’ve covered the tell, let’s talk about the show. Keefe feels the need to take care of Sophie because “she shouldn’t have to”. Okay, but that goes beyond just her physical health. What about all the times she’s wondered what stupid shit he’s going to do next and worried about him? What about her constant need to babysit him so he doesn’t do something dumb? What about the fact that she’s started giving into his plans because she knows she can’t stop him (when they go to London, for example)? Does he care about her enough to think about how his decisions might affect her? Is he even really taking care of her in any effective way? Oh, and this next part actually made me laugh out loud. Sophie’s dealing with so much pressure and responsibility, what if I made that worse by constantly doing stupid things and making her not trust that I’ll listen to good advice? What if I made that worse by making her constantly worry about me because she can’t trust that I’ll do the smart thing? “No matter what”, my ass. If Sophie asks him to sit something out, he doesn’t. If Sophie asks him to obey good medical advice, he won’t. If Sophie comes up with a plan with the group, he ruins it. He’s clearly not willing to do even the most basic things for her. Again, telling us this doesn’t make it true, Shannon. If you look at Keefe’s actions throughout the story, they tell a very different story. When has Keefe ever done anything to make Sophie’s life easier?

Also, this is another memory that doesn’t add anything to Keefe trying to trigger his lost memories. Just more Sokeefe propaganda. Yes, I’m calling it propaganda, because as I’ve hopefully made painfully clear, often the things we’re being told in this commentary thing don’t align with Keefe’s actions throughout the story.

[cut because character limit]

“Or the fact that I was only there because Alden basically asked me to join Team Fitzphie. (Yeah, I know. I wanted to say no. But I said yes for her. She deserves to decide what she wants—even if it’s not me.)” (500) Even if it’s not you? How generous of you to make that clear, Keefe. Sure, Keefe’s above the bar, but the bar’s in hell, so I don’t really know how much that means. Also, he only came because of Sophie? Sophie? The trial wasn’t even personal for her. It was personal for Fitz, his supposed best friend, and Biana, who he apparently thinks of as a sister. And he came for Sophie? Keefe’s gargantuan tendency to pedestalize Sophie and revolve every single one of his decisions around her strikes yet again. He wanted to say no, and the thought of Sophie changed his mind. Sophie. Not Fitz and Biana, for whom this would certainly be a strenuous occasion. Sophie. Goodness. 

“Pretty sure that’s what my mom is counting on. . . . And before I go any farther down that depressing thought-path, let’s move on.” (501) Isn’t that the point, though? To think about his mom and try to see if that triggers anything important? He really should go down that path. Why does Shannon keep sidestepping the actually valuable point of this exercise in favor of . . . whatever the heck it is that I’m reading???

“Pretty sure that proves this project is a waste of time. It hasn’t triggered any new memories. I haven’t learned anything new about stellarlune, or those humans my mom killed, or the letter I delivered, or anything else. Seems like a pretty epic fail. But what else is new?” (502-503) No??? Keefe cannot be this dumb. I refuse to believe it. Maybe the reason the project failed was because . . . none of the memories you chose were of your mom or anything to do with her projects, with the exception of the third and last one, and in those cases the connections to the behind-the-scenes of his mom’s projects were so vague that it’s hard to get anything solid. We know for a fact that Keefe drew the human guy holding the letter. Why didn’t Keefe try to write about that? That actually has a connection to his mom’s project. Same things with the shattered memory they discovered. The memory he remembered about his mom using a starstone to leap to Nightfall. The memory of his mom talking to Brant and Alvar. Anything actually connected to what he’s trying to find. No shit you aren’t going to remember stuff about stellarlune if you draw and write about riding an alicorn with your crush. Are we being for real right now??? And yeah, Shannon could’ve done any of the things I just described. This Keefe-draws-his-memories-and-comments-on-them concept is actually a great idea, Shannon just used it in the worst way possible: to push Sokeefe instead of actually using it for its intended purpose. Imagine how cool it could’ve been if we got a drawing and commentary on the letter or the starstone, or even anything Keefe may have seen during his time with the Neverseen. This is such a waste of potential it pains me. I really wish Shannon would stop sacrificing logic for the love triangle. It’s ruining the story.

Congratulations, you made it to the end. That must've taken you at least a few hours. Go drink some water. I'm going to make a Part Two after Unraveled's release, so. That's a thing.

[lunarmothim]

lines in the sand - simon riley x gn!reader

Ghost is the first to draw back. He always is.

word count: ~700 tags/warnings: just some garden variety mild angst, mild hurt/comfort small descriptions of wounds, minor shit talking of florida.

hi friends have a lil angsty drabble i decided to finish instead of focusing on my other responsibilities that is all :)

The jungle is hot. The air is humid, damp and swampy, a wet heat that has sweat pouring down the back of your neck even in the shade of the safehouse with the sun long below the horizon. It's gross- it kind of makes you think of everything you'd ever heard about Florida, not that you'd ever been. Not that you ever wanted to go.

Still, it's a thought that distracts you from the fire in your arm, the burn of the graze wound Ghost is currently cleaning out for you. Thinking about the last place on earth you'd ever want to visit keeps you from thinking about the way your knees are stretched to fit Ghost's hips between them, standing far closer than he really needs to with one large hand wrapped around your bicep, the other swiping antiseptic-soaked gauze over the wound. It doesn't hurt much, the local anesthetic he'd injected doing its job to numb your nerve endings.

"Got lucky," he says quietly, shadowed eyes fixed on his work, trading the dirtied gauze for a fresh one. His hands are gentle, cautious, like he's afraid you might break. It's a pattern of his, you've noticed, something you've only ever seen him do with you. "It's superficial. No stitches."

"Good." You watch the swipe of his finger through the shallow wound tract, the antiseptic leaving a wet sheen on the blue nitrile gloves from his med kit. The colour looks strange when you're used to seeing him in skeletal-patterned black. Your breath catches when his fingers flex, tightening slightly before relaxing again, your voice wavering slightly. "Thanks."

"'Course." Your gaze tracks up to meet his, finding him staring down at you. His mask does nothing to hide him from you.

How many times have you done this now? Too many, you think, looking between guarded brown eyes that have refocused on his task and the gentle way he handles you. Always dancing on the edge of something neither of you are quite sure how to name, something you're not sure either of you are ready for. One wrong choice away from something you can't take back.

Your hand closes over his before you can really think too much about it, closing your eyes when he inhales sharply. His thumb smooths over the edge of the bandage he's just secured over your arm. His exhale is shaky, his forehead pressing to the crown of your head.

It's the closest thing you'll get to an acknowledgement from him, the closest he'll ever allow himself to get to the narrow line you're both walking. The line he'd drawn himself almost a year ago now, in a similar safehouse in a different country while you frantically tried to keep his blood in his body, begging him not to bleed out on you.

You'd told him you loved him that day, sobbing the words between shattered pleas and promises you weren't sure you could keep. A cliché uttered when you thought he was dying; words you should have said sooner, words you shouldn't have said at all. Words you'd meant and refused to take back.

And you know he loves you too, in his own way- he hasn't said as much and you know he never will, but he doesn't need to. You see it in the way he looks out for you on ops, always searching for you in his peripheral to make sure you're okay. You feel it in the tenderness of his hands when he patches you up, the way he lingers for a moment too long before letting go, the violence of war so deeply ingrained in him entirely absent in the way he touches you.

You feel it in these moments, his breath warm on your forehead even through his mask and the way he stays close, just listening to you breathe.

Ghost is the first to draw back. He always is, closing himself off from you again. The nitrile snaps as he pulls his gloves off, cleaning up the mess he'd made patching you up.

And as always, no matter how much it kills you inside, you let him go.

dividers by: @/gildui

please like/reblog if you enjoyed! :)

[gaelsstuffiehome]

Welcome back to our third and final part where we learn all about Gael's Stuffie Home and meet the various plushies who help her each and every day! Click here for part 1 and Gael's own story, and click here for part 2 where we meet the first members of her team!

While she's resting a bit as we get ready for new listings this Friday at 12 Noon EST, let's meet the others!

Trumpet: An odd little multicolor elephant from Avon and their Full of Beans line! He came to us from another adoption home, as did a few others of Gael’s friends, so he understands how important it is for the stuffed animals who come to the home to feel as calm and safe as possible. This has made him something of an expert on the best blanket and snack combos for stuffies who are sad or scared. He might be a little too cheerful sometimes for some of our grumpier stuffed animals, but everyone loves him all the same.

Bonnie: A non-binary handmade bee who came to live with us after my wife found them at a craft fair! Bonnie is very     squishy, not soft, so is a little different from the others in the group. Not a problem! We love all sorts of stuffed animals, and Bonnie is a good reminder that friends can come from all sorts of interesting places! Bonnie loves to drink chocolate milk and sometimes provides a lot of calm to some new-arrival stuffies who might be overwhelmed by everything that’s going on.

Winks: While obviously a very good friend, Winks the TY elephant is also perhaps the most argumentative member of Gael’s staff. It’s not that he’s a know-it-all. He just happens to think he’s always right and everyone else is almost always wrong. It would be nice if everyone could just get on board with that. To be sure, Winks does know quite a bit about important things like picking a good go-kart and how to make the best ice cream sundae, but when it comes to things like thrifting or quantum physics, everyone generally agrees Gael is the expert.

Tiny: This poor elephant has always had a bit of an identity crisis. To be clear, Tiny loves being here and loves her friends and family, but she also wishes she knew just a bit more about where she came from. This is something stuffed animals can struggle with sometimes, if they don’t have any tags, and it’s hard to figure out where they might have come from. Tiny doesn’t want this to be the only thing about her, because she loves to visit the ocean and enjoys karaoke and old video games, but someday she would like to learn more about her origins. Gael and the gang help her whenever possible, and maybe someday, we’ll find something!

Freakshow: The story of Freakshow is a bit sadder than the others. He’s very quiet and sometimes gets very anxious around humans, or even other bears, but he’s incredibly kind and loves to spend time in the sun. He enjoys stories and giving hugs to smaller plushies. Gael and I are so glad we were able to rescue him from a haunted house that had glued a horrible mask to his face. Then someone threw him in a pile of old broken things the haunted house wasn’t using anymore, and that’s how we found him. We brought him home and learned that the mask could not be removed without severely damaging his face. In the two years he’s lived here, he’s learned to love the way he looks, even if it’s very different, and he picked the name Freakshow because he wants others to know there’s nothing wrong with being a freak. In fact, he sometimes says very, very softly, being a freak is actually pretty amazing.

Freddy & Chica: Found on the floor of a Dave and Busters arcade. Freddy and Chica try to cause murder and mayhem wherever they go, but they’re extremely small size, soft bodies, and lack of functional limbs makes it almost impossible to do anything more elaborate than growl once in a while. When they aren’t wee little harbingers of doom, they like to watch horror movies and love to help Gael make snacks for some of the older stuffed toys in the home.

And that's our team! Gael's Stuffie Home opened almost three years ago, and in that time, I've watched Gael make so many neat friends, while finding homes for every sort of old stuffed animal you can imagine. I can't wait for you to see what we're going to do next, and I thank you for coming along with us!

[rootspiral]

i’m thinking about how agatha says “my thoughts are not available to you, toots. they never, ever were. so don’t go giving yourself a migraine” to wanda and then “you’ll get a nosebleed trying that hard to read my mind” to billy.

a few things about this are interesting to me, particularly because of the layered ulterior motives she has for saying it:

1- agatha’s need to brag about being stronger lol

2- the fact that it does sound almost protective, the way she chooses to let them know they might get hurt from trying too hard. idk if it was just wanda, i could let it go, but i feel like it’s meaningful that it’s wanda AND billy, you know?

because we know for sure agatha cares about billy and she would try to avoid him hurting himself, so the fact that she used such a similar tactic on wanda makes me feel like it might have been a tiny hidden shred of evidence that she didn’t want to cause wanda any more hurt than necessary, either.

and, most notably,

3- we don’t have an origin story for agatha’s ability to block out telepathy, but to me those scenes might indicate that she taught herself that skill, rather than having been born with it. because maybe, if beings as powerful as wanda and/or billy tried hard enough, they would be able to read her mind. and she doesn’t wanna risk that, so she just makes it very clear that they can’t and sorta hopes to hell they’ll believe it.

aaanyaways, this just crossed my mind and i wanted to share and maybe ask if you have any thoughts on it?

hope you have a nice day!

(also btw re: the tags on your response to my last ask, i completely understand needing to take some time! no need to explain yourself :)

First of all, YES to Agatha teaching herself how to block out telepathy. On the shows we only scratch the surface of her immense self-taught knowledge, which I think is a cornerstone of her character. We get plenty of clues, from a very young Agatha accused not of murder but of stealing "knowledge above [her] age and station," to Agatha being constantly shown learning from books and teaching Nicky, to her whole relationship with the Darkhold, not to mention how she seems to understand Wanda's and Billy's powers better than they ever could.

I imagine her being obsessed with chaos/reality magic as soon as she learned about it from the Darkhold (because it's the only thing powerful enough to go against Rio's laws of nature / bring Nicky back) and as a consequence she learned to block telepathy, or if she already knew how, she definitely set out to become the greatest thought-blocker in history, she's just the kind of nerd who would do that. Plus she's extremely jealous of her inner thoughts and feelings, she regards her sorrows and fears as her greatest weakness, so it stands to reason that she'd be eager to learn how to hide them from everyone. I've talked about Agatha not giving a damn about being physically naked, it's her mind she wants to keep secret, and that is why being so uncensored as Agnes was much more humiliating.

Agatha boasting her thought-blocking abilities to Wanda and Billy has layered reasons like you pointed out – that's what I love about her, she's both complex and very predictable in her complexity. She's showing off, she's proud she's better than them at their own game. She's also calculating because you never know, they could break her barriers if they tried hard enough so better discourage them. And I don't know if she was being protective of Wanda too, maybe unconsciously.

But with Billy there was more overt affection, and I keep thinking how important it is for Billy to have someone in his life that is not constantly screaming in his head, and how significant the little exchange they had on the couch is, in retrospect. "I like it here. It's because it's quiet. You're quiet, Agnes." I like to imagine the whirlwind of thoughts this produced in Agatha, because you know her mind is always going a million miles a minute. In that moment her relationship with Billy was truly born I think, in all its three aspects: selfish (this is Wanda's son with Scarlet Witch-like powers that I can steal for myself), selfish in a different way (this is a magical little boy that I can claim and raise as my own, like I never could with Nicky) and selfless (I'm sorry for this kid born with powers he doesn't understand, I need to protect him.) So yes, I guess that even if she was smothering out the protectiveness she felt for Wanda, with Billy she's more ready to embrace it.

[aventurineswife]

Barbatos x gn!reader, study date, maybe fluffy but you can do what you want. Well, tbh, it wouldn't be much of a study for him because I feel he would already be well-versed in the topics they study at RAD, so either it would be a refresher for him or have occasional topics of development that he hasn't heard of yet. Because he's so old he probably has a semi-history in his mind of different discoveries and theories and the public's reaction to historical events and I just think that's neat sksksks

I hope I did that right? You can tell me if I didn't. I'm not used to sending writing requests.

Study Date w/ Barb!

Summary: You spend a quiet evening studying at RAD's library, only to be joined by Barbatos, who offers his company and vast knowledge. What begins as a study session quickly turns into a fascinating journey through historical anecdotes and philosophical discussions. Barbatos’s insights and calm demeanor provide not only clarity on your studies but also a warm, meaningful connection.

Tags: Barbatos x GN!Reader, Fluff, Study Date, Light Teasing, Intellectual Bonding, Soft Moments.

It was a quiet evening at RAD, and the library was more peaceful than usual, save for the occasional rustle of pages and the soft clicking of pens. You had been spending hours immersed in the dense pages of your textbooks, trying to grasp some of the more complicated concepts of the latest lesson. You weren’t struggling per se, but the material was certainly taking some time to digest.

A familiar figure appeared at your side, his calm demeanor as impeccable as ever. Barbatos, dressed in his signature elegant attire, offered you a soft smile.

“I hope I’m not interrupting,” he said, his voice as smooth as the fine china you’d seen him use to serve tea. His eyes gleamed with a subtle warmth. “I thought you might appreciate a bit of company during your study session. It’s not often I get the opportunity to enjoy a quiet evening with you.”

You couldn’t help but smile back at him. His presence was always calming, and the thought of him offering to study with you felt like an unusual, but welcome, treat.

“No interruption at all,” you replied, gesturing to the empty seat next to you. “I’d love the company.”

Barbatos settled into the chair, smoothing out the cuffs of his white gloves. His movements were practiced and precise, the epitome of grace. He glanced at your open textbooks, a small, knowing smile tugging at his lips. He had likely already mastered the material you were studying, but he didn’t say anything—he was always polite, ever the thoughtful gentleman.

You watched as he flipped through the pages of a different textbook you had left open on the table. "Ah, the developments in ancient demonology," he remarked, his voice quiet but laden with a hint of interest. "I remember when this theory was first introduced. The public reaction was quite… enthusiastic. Some hailed it as groundbreaking, while others dismissed it outright as fanciful. I wonder how they’d react to the modern interpretations now."

You blinked, taken aback by his knowledge. "You were around when it first came out?" you asked, trying to suppress the awe in your voice.

He chuckled softly, the sound warm yet slightly mischievous. "I’ve been around for quite some time, my dear. There are a few events that remain fresh in my memory." He turned his gaze back to you, his eyes softening. "I must admit, however, there are some modern developments that have eluded me. I find it… fascinating to see how some of the theories have evolved."

You smiled, grateful for his input. His centuries of experience made him a walking encyclopedia of history, though he didn’t boast about it. It was moments like these that reminded you of how much you could learn from him—not just about academic subjects, but about life itself.

"So, you don’t mind a little refresher?" you asked, a teasing note entering your voice.

“Not at all,” Barbatos replied with a faint smirk, his fingers lightly tapping the edge of your textbook. “It’s always a pleasure to revisit old material. Sometimes, the smallest details can make the difference in how we view the present.”

As you continued to discuss the material, you couldn't help but notice how deeply engaged Barbatos was. His observations were always insightful, drawing connections between historical events, theories, and even the way modern society approached those ideas. You found yourself asking questions, not just to learn, but to hear him share his knowledge.

“Did you know,” he continued, his voice lowering as he leaned slightly closer, “that during a particular revolution in the Human World, the public’s reaction to the first mass production of a certain item caused widespread debate? Some believed it would be the downfall of society, while others viewed it as a blessing.” He paused for a moment, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “I, of course, knew the outcome.”

You raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "And what was the item?"

"A printing press," Barbatos said, his smile barely contained. "It changed the course of history, but at the time, most people thought it would bring ruin. It’s amusing how much the human perspective can shift with time."

You laughed softly, charmed by his knowledge and the way he seemed to enjoy sharing these stories with you. "I guess that makes sense," you said. "So, what was the general reaction when that happened in the Devildom?"

Barbatos’s eyes darkened for a moment, as though he were pulling a memory from the depths of his long existence. “In the Devildom, I’d say the reaction was more… indifferent,” he said thoughtfully. “It wasn’t until much later that the value of such a development was fully understood, but the difference between human and demon responses is always fascinating.”

The two of you spent the next few hours in an easy conversation, with Barbatos providing insights into history, philosophy, and modern-day theories. As he spoke, you found yourself captivated, not just by his knowledge but by the way he effortlessly made the most complex topics seem like stories of old. It was as though you were sitting with a living piece of history, someone who had seen the ebb and flow of time and had the wisdom to match.

Eventually, the quiet of the library enveloped the two of you once more, and the only sounds were the occasional turning of pages and the soft clink of Barbatos adjusting his glasses.

"Thank you for this," you said, breaking the silence. "I think I’ve learned more in these few hours than I have all week."

Barbatos smiled at you, a warmth in his gaze that spoke volumes. "The pleasure was mine," he said softly. "Sometimes, it’s not about learning everything all at once, but understanding the journey of discovery. And if I may, I believe you’re well on your way."

You felt your heart flutter at his words, and for a moment, the study session became less about books and more about the connection you were sharing. Barbatos, always so composed, had a way of making you feel seen, not just as a student, but as a person. And you couldn’t help but look forward to the next study date, knowing it would be another opportunity to learn from the enigmatic butler at your side.

[alphabotanical]

fuck neil gaiman. obviously. what he did was monstrous and utterly indefensible. his flimsy excuse of a statement is laughable and i believe and stand with the women who have come forward. he deserves prison, and it's despicable on the part of the justice system that he'll never get it.

but speaking as someone in fan spaces dedicated to media gaiman created, i don't appreciate the people who have taken it upon themselves to be the media police. a lot of people have all of a sudden declared themselves the arbiters of morality and instantly condemn anyone who didn't immediately take a torch to every page written by gaiman they've ever possessed. i'm not saying this is not a valid reaction; i never enjoyed his solo novels and will be getting rid of the only one i ever owned (i did not get even a quarter of the way through american gods before getting bored and weirded out by the way he wrote women). you can erase his name from your shelves, you can scribble it out, hold a bonfire, whatever is cathartic for you.

however, if you're on tumblr reading through the tags, you probably have some kind of emotional attachment to a piece of media he created, and a blanket command to destroy a book or delete a tv show you love is not helpful or productive in seeking a resolution. obviously the most important thing here is the victims. our personal feelings about his work obviously don't really matter. but shaming someone for having complicated feelings about the creator of something they really love turning out to be a horrible person doesn't do anything besides strengthen your own sense of righteousness.

because the thing is, we already knew this. anyone in the loop about good omens knew why production was halted last year and basically presumed dead. that podcast told the truth about him months ago, and i and many others spent months processing this and hurting for the women who came forward. anyone who just learned about it because of the new yorker hasn't had that time, is still in the knee-jerk reaction phase, and with the new details that have come out i too am horrified all over again. but after the first allegations, i grieved for good omens. i thought it was done for, that there would never be a season three, and i knew if gaiman wasn't divested from the production and would continue to profit from it that i would rather never have a third season at all. then gaiman stepped back, new directors and writers came in, and somehow it was going forward. i was so happy. i wanted season three so badly, and even though it was truncated, it was genuinely the best outcome anyone could have hoped for. gaiman's scripts wouldn't be used and he wouldn't be profiting. and as far as i know, production is still happening. what i'm trying to say is that we have known all of this for the past several months, and we have processed and watched the rollercoaster of season three's production and eventually come to our own conclusions on whether we want to support it. gaiman is financially severed, and the separation of art and artist is an issue in and of itself. but personally, my decision was that good omens is important to me, and the tv adaptation is a bigger thing than just gaiman.

other people might have made other decisions. i know some people have decided they can't watch it anymore, and i'm heartbroken that something i love has this stain on it now. but as long as i'm not giving him money, and that's a line i absolutely will not cross (pirating is a valid way to access media), i want to see good omens to its end. i don't know. i'm just really tired of being called a terrible person for feeling sad that something i love is now forever tainted, and i don't think it's helpful to see things in immutable black and white.

[nighttimepatrons]

:D :D :D I'm so please that you like them, a few times I was working on these the thought crossed my mind that peasant-player (!!!) might see this and their marker art is soooo good! anyway I'm thrilled.

Thank you! Celebrian came out about half a head shorter than Elrond and I am so happy about it!!

Ahaha yes Glrof still has his pretty hair, he will always have his pretty hair no matter what strange body i force him into! It's a part of his character :) and you noticed the horns! Hehehe he's my favorite character so he's gonna get rainbows! what can I say lol

All the clothing came from my elf fashion tag and it cracks me up that I actually used that tag for art and not just for keeping fashion I like xD

Yeah Erestor turned out nicely :) I did him first so I think I was a lot more relaxed and more inclined to be a but playful with the makers. By the time I started coloring Glorfindel I was like "aw man I've put so much time into these pieces, if I mess this up I'm gonna have to start over" which luckily yielded a nice drawing but it certainly isn't as visually interesting as Erestor.

Here it is!!! I have been cooking in every spare moment and finally it is done! AAAaaaaaa!!! This is easily the best drawings of Elrond and Celebrian I've ever done, and the dragon designs for Erestor and Glrofindel literally make me grin every time I look at them :D Originally I planned for these pieces to belong to my Great Beasts AU, however, once I started on the Celebrian and Glorfindel piece I just- I'm just getting the vibe of some sort of arranged marriage au, ah! Elrond and Celebrain just have Such a Vibe about them! I am in love!

These pieces each provided their own difficulties but I'm really really glad I just stuck with it, I could hardly be more pleased!

Below the cut I've added some detail shots, I hope you enjoy :>

This is the first time in a while that I've done such an intensive work with alcohol markers, they can be a bit of a challenge, especially since my hands aren't ultra steady, but adding the scale details to the dragons and all the extra highlights with my gel pens really brought it all together.

Also,the markers bleeding through the pages left a lovely ghost image in the spread between the two pieces

This work came out so well that I really wish I did them on actually good paper, and not just in my little scrappy sketchbook. Oh well, that seems to be my curse xD

[sieglinde-freud]

ok i think im done i think ive finally done it. i have completed the awakening ship chart with the second gen. except for nah sorry nah. yes i do love rarepair hell thanks for asking im never leaving

[kakusu-shipping]

Oh right before my migraine kicked in I made the collection of blushing Koro-Sensei for Valentine's day! Didn't get to post it till now because of aforementioned chocolate induced migraine

[kumakuma-circus]

shoutout to the p4 party rebalance mod giving naoto basically every element's ultimate skill.

she deserves it-

[anastacialy]

y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'

[girls-and-honey]

.

[wreckedhoney]

"WONDERFUL SHOW TONIGHT, FORREST."

a KILLER FREQUENCY Marie Campbell/Forrest Nash ship playlist on YT

"Good to talk to you again, Forrest. You know, I've really enjoyed our chats tonight." "I guess we've had some moments."

Tracklist under the cut

Is Everybody Going Crazy? - Nothing But Thieves / The Perfect Girl - Mareux / We Don't Have To Dance - Andy Black / Night Issues (Nightcall x Daddy Issues) Mashup/Remix - FuturePastPerson / "Bassically" - Tei Shi / Cold Summer - Mareux / Diet Mountain Dew - Lana Del Rey / Destruction Of Us - Mr.Kitty / Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer / HUSH - Ari Abdul / DTLA - Mareux / Make You Mine - Madison Beer / FEAR YOU - Kat Von D / Bad Romance - Lady Gaga / Dark All Day - GUNSHIP / Maniac (feat. Conor Mason of Nothing But Thieves) - AWOLNATION