#i think my period’s soon
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i was just hungry earlier
#also dealing w allergies#still feel a little insane mode though#i just don’t know how to say no to anything#i feel like if i don’t say yes i will miss out on an opportunity#but then i over do it#and i’m in a state like this one where i feel super discombobulated and like i’m losing a sense of self#i wish i could talk to someone abt this but i feel like there’s no one who would take this other than dumping info on them#i just want to be cared for :^<#maybe that’s why i say yes so much#bc i hope it will make ppl like me and enjoy my company more#i guess i think abt ppl like food#the more you’re around them the more you will like them#i think my period’s soon#maybe that’s adding to the psycho brain#back to dreaming i live in a field and i lay in the tall grass
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if anyone is able to help me out i'd appreciate it, im still broke as hell. this month has been really difficult for me. i worked a total of 5 days all month and my bank account is in the negatives again after paying bills and getting some living essentials. i dont know how im going to pay my rent like this. i applied to a financial relief fund from a local trans advocacy group but it's going to be a few weeks until anything comes from that. if you have literally anything to spare it would help me out a lot 😭🙏 i feel bad ive been asking for help so often and i know everyone is struggling, im working on getting my life back in order but everything fucking sucks and is difficult right now :( even just spreading this is a huge help
pp: paypal.me/bewearrr vnm: tobias_leviathan
thank you 💕💕
#im looking for a new job but i dont think its gonna happen any time soon :( my current job is fucking miserable#im working on comms to the best of my ability but i can only draw so fast and i dont want to injure myself and its hard to stay motivated#when ur mental health is tanking so hard#my physical health has been tanking too like stress is getting to me so hard i fucking started a period out of nowhere#i havent menstruated in like 10 years legitimately#im so beyond stressed i have to stop myself from panicking all the time#i have a bunch of work coming up this week but its nowhere near full time#they schedule based 'on performance' when youre part time and since im only here one day a week and they put me at the station i hate--#the most its almost inevitable that theyre using this as a way to get me to not be there. i dont think my boss likes me very much.#bc then they can claim my performance isnt good BECAUSE YOU PUT ME ON THE TASK THAT IVE SAID FROM DAY ONE I DONT WANT TO DO
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Two skeletons in a trench lab coat (Patreon)
Bonus:
He’s very careful! Everything was fine before you interrupted!
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#FJdlsafjdsf Handplates fuzzes my brain#I cannot tell you how weird it feels to draw Gaster with the Lost Soul head after all this time away haha#It drops me back into the person I was when I first read Handplates - for better or for worse. It's a very strange feeling#Even drawing Sans and Papyrus again sends me back! Not as strongly but certain little details stand out#Sans' eyes especially... Very strange feeling#Anyhow! Since Fellplates sent me back down the rabbit hole and I've gotten back into rereading lightly - still not a full commitment!#Maybe soon tho 👀 I feel like I always say that haha#But in the meantime thinking of the pre-Plates Handplates time period <3 Since that's the one I'm still most familiar with haha#I love when they're still growing and learning ♪ Scaffolded baby talk! Twin language! Love 'em ♥#And fearless* mischievous little troublemakers hehe#They're so cute <3 I love the little ways they interact as young'uns - like when Papyrus will just lift Sans by his arms lol#I'd been thinking about and then had to go read the one of Sans as a the blanket/coat tickle monster and then - this ✨#''Excuse me sir I'd like One Ticket to the R Rated movie I am an adult Monster'' lol#Probably another one of those moments where Gaster is just *nervously sweats in Dad* lol - stop being so cute!#Also there's no particular meaning to when I use WingDings for his text :P Just convenience and if I remember to lol#Comics where he talks a lot are not convenient XP I have enough trouble editing on this paper ugh I will Not miss it when it's done#Even attempted this comic in as few pencil strokes/erasing as possible and it was still a pain to work with! >:0 Rude#Doubly so that I've had a Handplates comic idea for past like - year lol - and /this/ was the first one I finished pfftbl#To be fair to the other I do want to at least attempt making it a look-alike hehe ♪ You know how it is with Ideas™#I can't be too mad about it haha ♫ It did turn out quite cute after all :3
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do you remember exactly where you were when basically im gay dropped? are there other d&p videos/content that you’ve had that experience with? am reminiscing and curious
#I was living in New York and I had to go soon so I had my phone propped up on the shelf in the closet so I could watch while getting ready#(kind of hilarious that my phone was literally in the closet while I watched him come outta the closet!)#but then I was crying and grinning#and I just remember feeling so unfathomably proud#and becoming a mess and I just couldn’t even remotely begin to process it all#and then I had to go to work and just be normal and not say a word and I just wanted to SCREAM don’t you know don’t you all know#you need to know!!!!!!!#and then I passed timothee chalamet on the street we nodded politely at each other that’s literally not remotely a lie#real rush of a day that was#I clocked him from like 3 blocks away bc yes I was gagging for him at the time and yes cmbyn changed my brain chemistry fuck you#I think I privated all my charmie bookmarks after the cannibalism stuff dropped lol but maybe not too lazy to check#ANYWAY.#dan and phil#phan#dan’s finest work one of the best videos on the platform period really such a beautiful perfect brave piece i love and appreciate him so.
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day 2 - energy / life / green
#alek art#lego ninjago#ninjago#ninjago inktober 2024#morro wu#sensei wu#tw blood#cw blood#(ask to tag)#2024#was very unsure how to tag this piece... i definitely won't be able to do as many of these as i'd like (joints)#but its still something to look forward to. gonna do which ones speak to me 🔥#yes this is based of jesus and the virgin mary. why? not entirely sure. not meant to be any religious connections here#just the loss of a child and destinies. maybe there is a religious connection here#ft my very inconsistent young wu design. also morro is around 15 here ? i refuse to draw a child (its hard) and hes not himself in s5#thinking about how thats wu's son... i think of wu and get very sad. so many losses so soon after each other. mostly preventable.#the ribbon here is a hc of mine. after losing garm he started wearing purple to honor him. timeline strangeness i know#not meant to be any set period of time. just overall loss#originally was going to draw IIoyd for this one but i had this idea and went swinging#typed out most of these tags before acfually finishing the drawing oops#the colors are a little strange (blue light filter when i catch you) uhm .. also wu's hat kicked my ass#THIS TOOK SEVEN HOURS !!! which is longer than usual oops
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Suptober - Day 14 || Fever 🤒 [x]
#suptober23#destiel#destiel fanart#dean winchester#castiel#spnfanart#wiggleart#some sick comfort lol#and of course the day of this prompt is the day I get my period smh#I wish I had a Dean to help nurse me back to health lmao#get well soon Cas!#for the coloring pages I think I’m going to put a pattern on the blanket I just didn’t have the time today
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analysing haikaveh's body language and distance in a parade of providence compared to cyno's story quest 2
in Cyno’s Story Quest II Kaveh seems secure in his position as Alhaitham's equal, and as such, Alhaitham is regarded as Kaveh's equal in turn. There is no reference to the superiority of a senior's expertise as “correctness” has been disregarded, and with this, the unequal power imbalance (as discussed here). The two have surpassed this issue on their road to reconciliation. The lack of titles within this story quest serves as a means of equality between the two now that scholarly pride is no longer an obstacle between them.
As such it is interesting to (over)analyse Haikaveh’s body language and distance within A Parade of Providence and in Cyno’s story quest 2
They are the most distant within A Parade of Providence, in which the two are always separated by a physical barrier, such as a desk:
or standing at a distance from one another and on opposite sides, preventing them from facing each other directly:
or with Alhaitham being elevated upon a platform, whilst kaveh is on the ground below:
Within the event, the only time the two are physically on an even level is at the end, in which Alhaitham tells Kaveh that they have move past being “wrong” or “right”. In this, the only time in which they are physically open with each other, and on equal elevation levels, is when the potentiality for the overturning of scholarly pride is discussed, and therefore there exists the potential of a true, mutual understanding.
Comparatively, in the flashback scene within cyno’s story quest 2, Kaveh is observed on two occasions to sit on the table rather than opposite or next to Alhaitham on a divan. This ensures that the two directly face each other:
This can be seen again in the House of Daena, where, when studying, the two sit on opposite sides of the table, facing each other, as they are of equal standing:
In terms of equality, this can be speculated as physical manifestation of their aligned perspectives. Rather than one existing on an elevated level, through one sitting and the other standing, or directly sitting next to each other (which can restrict the observation of the others’ gestures and body language), the two are now on equal standing.
The only time the two are shown sitting next to each other is in Puspa’s Café, but rather than this being an indicator of inequality, it serves as a reinforcement of mutual intimacy, as the two are paired together rather than being separated in the large gathering
In this sense, this equality in elevation levels can also physically advocate for the open communication the two have now established. This can be seen in their current in game relationship as the two now fully physically reveal themselves, alongside their thoughts, to the other, rather than concealing themselves with defensive body language, and double entendre in speech. They are now open and honest with each other - mutually equals in all respect!!
(This analysis snippet is from my Haikaveh queercoding essay found here!)
#haikaveh#kavetham#alhaitham#kaveh#genshin impact#cyno story quest#haikaveh meta#i was reminded of the alhaitham camera angle post when doing this#this was v fun to analyse because i truly was screaming that alhaitham and kaveh never directly faced each other#in a parade of providence#the only times they could have done is when we dont get to see it?? like after the second round#and alhaitham is tweaking at kaveh in their house#and also when alhaitham misses the dinner in apop we never get to see where he would have sat#so basically its honeymoon period in haikaveh nation i think#in other news!! i have finally had time to play genshin and will soon play the odd textual mystery so i can yap about that#for those who are interested in my thoughts(???) sorry its taken me so long!!!
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ovulating as a shifter is a fucking nightmare
#VOLO LUNAM#LUNAM est. 2024#thankfully im not rn but i wont be surprised if im not far off#actually my period is soon i think oh boy#reality shifting#shiftblr#desired reality#shifting community#shifting realities#reality shifter#shifting
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You guys aren't ready for the conversation of how Quackity sincerely loves bottoming
I'm not at all saying he wants to always bottom, I'd say he still prefers topping most of the time, but whenever he's down to get something up his ass, he's DOWN to get something up his ass, if you know what I mean
(the switching applies to position only, tho. I sincerely can't see him genuinely enjoying subbing, and neither can I see Wilbur actually domming unless they're both being influenced by years of internalised homophobia and patriarchy and all that bullshit, but even then it's just cringe and they're just both pretending it's not cause it's easier that way (and the sex itself isn't like, actively bad, not to mention that it provides some degree of an emotional connection which they both desperately crave), plus it's still basically vanilla just with a little bit of dirty talk - that's how i see them in Pogtopia (with Q bottoming - if you want another huge post on their Pogtopia dynamic let me know cause I have so many thoughts on it and how their traumas affected them and their relationship and how complicated it all was))
That being said, man's 10000% intensely fucking traumatised
(tw personal hc and following the logical path from canon implications idfk)(also exaggeration) like, if he were ACTIVELY evil and had ZERO (even personal) moral code, then the amount of anger he feels towards Schlatt for taking away the enjoyment of it is probably enough to ignore all ethics and torture Dream so utterly unimaginably he ends up violating entirety of the Geneva convention, and then having 50 new ones written specifically to condemn his actions, just to break every single one of those as well on the way, just so that Dream gives him the revival book so that he can re-kill Schlatt with his own hands
Also he absolutely re-traumatised himself with Karl and Sapnap cause he was for sure like "I shouldn't be having an intense panic attack right now, I'm going to push all my energy into pretending that everything's ok and that I don't want to cry and scream and rip my skin off. I'm just being silly and dramatic anyway ha ha" which just resulted in them unknowingly hurting him all over again. I take no criticism. Q's got MASSIVE communication issues when it comes to validating his feelings and Karl and Sapnap are "everything's fine"-ing way too much on the daily. And whole Quackity should work on his issues, it IS a partner's job to at least try to check up on the other(s) (and vice versa), and Karl and Sapnap clearly always preferred to ignore any hints that something might be wrong as a general life rule. The relationship was immaturely focused on "fun and good vibes" from the very start, so any bad topic obviously felt out of place. It started off with lack of communication and it died cause of it too.
That's also actually why I will always firmly stand by the fact that Wilbur (during las Nevadas era) is the only person with whom he could ever heal, btw (yes, including Charlie as a hypothetical romantic interest). Cause Schlatt's abusive, Karl and Sapnap "deserve better" in his eyes (so he pretends to be fine until shit hits the fan and everything falls apart)(that also applies to his hypothetical relationship with Charlie). But with Wilbur there's enough distance to feel safe and call out his bullshit without retaliation in form of abuse, and on the other hand he doesn't care to pretend to be perfect - hell, he probably purposefully shoves his issues onto the guy cause he's like "you think you're so strong and stubborn you can handle me??? You think???? Think again." (Wilbur does the same btw). They're purposefully trying to push each other away, destroy the "relationship", show each other just how fucked up they are. They're psycho-competitive. Even being the first one to be "too much" and get abandoned turns into a competition.
But it backfires. They bond. They're real with each other. They're stubborn, they're determined enough to stay just long enough to see each other's walls crack. And once they do, the feelings are quick to spill. They're each other's only people to be GENUINELY themselves with - no masks, no manipulation, no bullshit. Just themselves. And that's the first, CRUCIAL step to developing a healthy relationship (or at least healthier than all their other relationships).
So with Wilbur he probably only tries to bottom either once he ACTUALLY begins to feel like he could maybe try to reclaim it, or even if he tries it in a self-destructive way, (considering their history+patriarchy and shit) Wilbur'd know and care enough to realise Q's just trying to hurt himself. And as shitty as Wilbur can be sometimes, he's not a bad person - he'd stop Q if things'd go too far, or give him (at least a temporary) safe space to safely go through a breakdown without hurting himself like that. He wouldn't take advantage of such a low moment, and he would know enough to recognise it's a low moment in the first place.
Anyway once they figure all that out and Quackity's genuinely comfortable with it again, it's for sure not uncommon for him to enjoy some nice aggressive pounding, all the while having one hand in Wilbur's hair, pulling it to hold him close, and the other hand on Wilbur's neck, lightly choking him as they're intensely making out
All that to say Q's a massive sadist but he's also a huge massochist and he'll absolutely have Wilbur on a nice leash and call him a pathetic, desperate, horny dog or something like that as the man's (purposefully) sloppily thrusting in and out of him, causing the most "carnage" he can (Wilbur will be double fisting Quackity and Quackity will be just looking at him unfazed like "your hands are small" (they're not)/hj)
Oh btw to clarify [TW ok more direct talk of SA so please be careful and take care of yourselves]- yes, I'm absolutely saying Q got repeatedly SA'd by Schlatt throughout their relationship. The guy was canonically generally verbally and physically abusive, AND basically the whole point of his character is that he's like, the epitome of everything wrong with society. Add to that the sexual comments which were constantly used to demean, insult, and objectify Q, as well as Quackity's intense, palpitable discomfort which noticeably grows each time the topic comes up when they meet after Schlatt's death during Las Nevdas era, it's a pretty safe bet to assume Schlatt didn't stop at "just" verbal and physical violence. Sexual violence is almost a guarantee when you consider all that context - it's hardly even "reading between the lines". And you can't tell me that in our society that views being penetrated during sex as something negative, especially for men, while viewing penetrating someone as an act of "conquering" and "winning" and all that a character who's supposed to embody as many of this world's faults as possible wouldn't shove his dick where it's not wanted, even just purely to prove he can despite lack of consent.
#tbf i think it's low-key the human condition to enjoy penetration#like obviously there'll always be people who don't enjoy it for whatever reason (and that's perfectly valid)#but i think the majority of people enjoy/would enjoy it (looking at you cishet men with internalised misogyny/homophobia)#like literally going by the most common and normative anatomy of both afab and amab bodies most all of us have the parts to enjoy it#this may or may not be what you'll read in my gay people fanfiction#quackbur headcanons#anyway#tntduo#dsmp#tnt duo#quackbur#quackity#dream smp#tntblr#c!wilbur#c!wilbur soot#revivedbur#revivebur#las Nevadas#dsmp wilbur#fernless rants#fern rambles#ferns spicy art#anyway gonna get to art soon enough (?) I'm really sorry to all asks in my inbox I'm oniy finishing up a pretty hectic irl period
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Oooh, I'd love to hear some of your fav books! I actually have Wuthering Heights on my to read list because of your artwork.
A few titles I've found myself returning to consistently throughout the years.
#trashtalk#tearueful#I will be leaving home for an extended period of time soon and I've been holding off on packing because...#I can't decide what book(s) I want to take with me#I think it's finally time to unearth my Kindle#I have a real problem reading on screens but I'm going to have to make it work#I can't pack books in lieu of clothing (AGAIN).
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hehe~~ i am soooooo sleepy and tired right now :3 i’m all cuddled up in all my blankets🥰 so warm and comfy hehe…..oh and also my past is haunting me😐
#girl help i tried to go to sleep but remembered the Anger™️#experienced a Situation recently that i have been very bravely and sexily ignoring#and - literally WHO would have known - ignoring it is not making it better lol#so now i lay down all comfy to sleep and my brain is just like: the thing😦#and then i gotta stay AWAKE😒 so i can distract myself from the thing#until im tired enough to sleep BEFORE my brain remembers the thing#smh#it sucks#also im good mostly!#it’s just hitting me worse rn because my period always puts my emotions out of whack😪#but im getting proper sleep and everything#and hope to take action to lessen the impact of the thing soon it just takes time ya know#like sometimes things ARE going to hurt you and bother you for a while#and that’s just how it is#but life will move on eventually and good things will come to steal some of the space those bad things take up#just gotta be patient😪#sorry for my nonsense rambles again#i just found it really funny#because tonight i really was legitimately more annoyed by the disruption to my sleep than i was about the life changing situation lol#sleep is my number one priority at any given moment fr#to be fair though i WAS so comfy and tired from cramps and really looking forward to sleep#so i think i was justified😤😤
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it kind of baffles me how little sympathy eurylochus gets :( everyone is so mean to him…
#idk i could on and on for hours about him#and maybe it’s just the spaces i find myself in within the fandom#why is he reduced to his mistakes and not his every attempt of redemption?#why is he reduced to a choice made at his breaking point?#i think. i’m going to get my period soon becuase im crying over eurylochus#he’s my babygirl#and he tried so hard to do the right thing#and he trusted odysseus until he died. the deep trust that survives the lowest points of your friendship#the trust that kept him coming back to odysseus. until he died.#he looked odysseus in the eyes as he was sentenced to death and still loved him#he doesn’t argue#or plead#he states the facts he confirms that odysseus understands#they’re in love they’re in love#doesn’t matter what kind#platonic or romantic or whatever#eurylochus loved him waaaah <- words of a delusional man
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Why are you so obsessed with NatLouis?
I mean LOOK AT THEM! They are so silly and make me so happy I'm actually in tears
#genuinely shed tears#i think im gonna be on my period soon anyway#they got me though a pretty rough time#kiseki dear to me#kiseki: dear to me#louis chiang#taiwanese bl#jiang dian#chiang tien#nat chen#chen bowen#natlouis#BoDian#taiwanese actors
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i think i officially set my sights on a therapist and i'll be contacting her very soon?? therapy was legitimately not on my 2024 bingo card (or in the cards for me at all) but here we are????
#this blog always had a focus on social science and detangling feelings and experiences. like it's basically been serving as my diary#bc this blog has always been my main outlet for it. i hate talking feelings to anyone irl. it's a bad habit but i hate it#so it was a game changer and helped me grow up sooo much. esp supplemented w other people's experiences.#being raised by a stoic engineer mother who's very much warm but also not very good at feelings at times has caused me to suppress SO much#compounded w being the eldest daughter. like that is a damning sentence in and of itself#tumblr just gave me an outlet for stuff like this. and every social media is essentially a highlight reel of ppl's best moments.#tumblr is the opposite. i've always loved that too whether it was in the form of humor or more earnest posts#could i work through my own issues by myself? yes probably#and my blog will always have that facet even if i get a therapist#but a therapist's input. just a professional's input. will expedite a lot of improvement for me i think#this has been a critical time period for me anyway bc i'm budgeting my whole schedule for once vs being handheld by uni deadlines#and it's just gonna keep getting more and more intense from here bc i'm truly pushing my comfort zone more than ever before#it just feels like the right call even tho i'm lowkey nervous ab it bc i HATE talking feelings in person.#this therapist will not fall for my trying to deflect by asking her about her life. which. usually works on my friends <3#we will see. a therapy arc is coming very soon basically#p
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i know i’ve rambled about this before but I think about it a lot with the various like “can reptiles/fish/non cat/dog pets ACTUALLY love you back” posts and articles about how to tell when your cat loves you and I just sometimes think it’s a little silly to act like love is both this grand ineffable mystery in regards to pets (or people) and something to be measured and assessed
like does Baloo let me hold her paw for a long time (a Measure of Trust according to many articles)? No, she doesn’t really like having her paws touched. But when she gets her head stuck in the back of a chair or her scarf’s caught on something, she stills the moment I touch her head and lets me—a big, strange creature (who frankly often runs into furniture and doorframes)—manipulate the most fragile and vital part of her body in order to help her.
love is an action imo. your dog doesn’t need to be able to comprehend the words ‘I love you’ to feel loved, and your snake doesn’t need to purr to show that it trusts you and likes being around you. love is going to look a little different in every setting and trying to both box it in and demand it meet certain criteria is just...kind of dumb
#my sister's cat insists on sleeping curled up in my sister's arms every night#meanwhile baloo often likes to sleep on this one corner of the living room rug she's obsessed with#do i think that means baloo loves me less? no??#idk i think why this type of thinking picks at me is like#i think if we had a broader and less....not distrusting exactly but insecure#view of love#we'd be better /at/ loving both pets and people#people wouldn't dismiss cats as being too aloof and unfriendly#or dogs who don't match up to their doting ideal#and in the same vein#people would be better at recognizing love as it's offered in its myriad forms#whether that's clinging or from a distance#ANYWAY#baloo is currently passed out on her favorite rug corner but positioned so she can check on me periodically#after her grand adventure of briefly trying to run away to the hallway (she laid down outside my door and refused to move)#and the great crisis of both a rainstorm AND the vacuum (The Horrors)#and soon i'll go to bed and she'll hop up and hyper purr directly into my face until i turn off the light#she is very stupid and full of love#personal
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every time someone in a period drama wears a corset on bare skin, no chemise, i personally lose a year off my lifespan
#i can rant about period drama costuming for DAYS#very much down to make a post about my thoughts on the topic. might be doing that soon#who are the offenders i can think of#bridgerton#the alienist#downton abbey#there's so many others it's a struggle#period drama
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