#i think mostly those ones but maybe someone else
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So I did some more Transformers drawings, and I figured page was full enough
I mean, it isn’t really, I could have fit more in the corner if I wanted, but I can’t think of anything else to draw there, so might as well post it now
So I suppose, let’s talk through all this
First off we have an Optimus I never finished, because I couldn’t get that bending shoulder to look right. It just looks off, and I can’t finish it until it looks right. So I never did
I think he’s supposed to be sad and yearning after the breakup with Megatron, and talking about it with someone
Anyways, then we move on to the Dinobot section, which I made because I started Beast Wars and like Dinobot, and had been attempting to draw him at work the previous day
I think I draw him too skinny, which is why I made that middle one, to be more accurate. But I also kind of like drawing him skinnier? I know it isn’t accurate, but I like making him so. Like he’s got muscles, but has a lean body type. I don’t know
Then today, I wanted to draw a happy, smiling D-16, who’s doing so at something Orion did for him (this isn’t supposed to be a recreation of the race scene)
I was going to do it more like the Dinobot style, but then I ended up going back to 3D boxes anyways
Honestly I think it’s one of the ones I’m most proud of, look at him and his sweet little face
Still can’t get the sticker right though
But anyways, on to the last thing, the Bee and Elita
Honestly I think the two of them need some ships in this universe too. Megatron and Optimus got their whole situation, but what about them? Elita doesn’t really have any options presented right now outside of maybe Arcee and I guess Airachnid (but personally I’m not here for the toxic yuri right now), and I don’t really know about Bee
The sequels should give them new characters to have subplots and shipping with. It can’t all be Megatron and Optimus hogging the spotlight (even if I do like them)
As for the drawings of the two themselves, I mean it’s alright. I think Elita came out better though. But it’s also my first time drawing them, and it takes some practice for me to get them right
I’m realizing as I type this that I have a sketchbook, and I got good at drawing Dinobot after drawing him on sauce paper a few times. So like, I could just do that to try and practice the characters without needing to be at work, and having a handy place to keep those references. Hm, well that’s a solution for later
It also does not help that I don’t have good references for them, especially in their cogged forms. These are about the best I got, and they aren’t the best quality either, I do not know how to draw their heads (well mostly Bee’s)
I also don’t think I’m drawing the Transformers One cast right. Like their bodies and general proportions I mean
Like, I noticed from this random screenshot I saw today that D-16’s noticeably wider than Orion
And I also know that the quartet have their own distinct face shapes from one another
I just don’t know how to convey those things in my drawing of them, it doesn’t want to work
Also I don’t think I have the basic structure of how their bodies work down either. I noticed today that almost all of them have more cylindrical shoulders than the rectangles I sketch, and also they have those middle circle joints
This is an observation I’ve had before, but the Transformers One designs to me really feel like action figures/toys with the way they’re built and designed. I don’t really know how to explain what I mean, but it’s how I see these designs in particular, which I can’t say with Animated or I think Beast Wars either. If this makes sense
But yeah, that’s the drawings. I don’t really know how to end this
#I should probably try drawing more Beast Wars characters as well#I think Blackarachnia looks pretty cool#but I fear Dinobot was the easiest to design and the rest will feel like too much of a hassle#but back to TF One how do you people do it?#I don’t know how to draw them#but yeah#transformers#transformers one#beast wars#my art#d 16#optimus prime#dinobot#elita one#b 127
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So I had an idea a while ago but didn't have anywhere to share. Honestly very happy to have found your blog and asks(very fun to read too).
Basically:
Tim has an artistic eye, he IS into photography afterall, which means he can look at, enjoy and find beautiful something most people consider sexual in a completely objective way. Specifically, the human body.
So just Tim wanting to start a personal project where he explores the inherent beauty of anatomy. But he needs models. Somehow he gets his brothers to model for him.
Maybe they had to fight arousal almost from the get go, naked in front of him with all his focus on them. Every ounce of his attention on one person at a time and making them feel not just appreciated and beautiful, but like they were the center of his world for that short time.
Or!
Or maybe there's nothing to it to them. Kid is putting a weird amount of focus on body parts not really all that important, like they'd get it if he was focusing on the parts of them generally considered attractive, but he's not? Go off I guess.
Then they see the final products. They don't know how he did it, but... they feel seen in a way the never knew was being neglected.
Damian sees his hands through Tims eyes. They were always just a tool to him, not all that special even if vital. But somehow Tim has captured them in a way that is powerful and strong, and beautiful and gentle. You can see a paint stain that Tim insisted he not wash off, his calluses from training and the muscles coiled under soft skin.
Jason sees his eyes. His eyes that have become more green since he came back, eyes that he avoided looking at in the mirror because they didn't feel like his anymore. Eyes that now look back at him in a way that were they anyone else's he'd say they look intelligent and empathetic. He sees his lashes in stark detail, beautiful and not pitch black, a few as stark white as the streak in his hair that he never noticed extended beyond that. The corner of a scar that doesn't look hideous, but beautiful.
Dick knows he's beautiful, has been told so many times it's become shallow. He knows which parts of him are lusted after. He expects to see something along those lines. Instead he sees his shoulders. Not as some sensual part of him to be objectified, but... as wide and strong, as load bearing and of steel. He knows he's beautiful, but he's never seen someone even try to look past that in a photo.
Tim took so many different photos of them, but his focus was on picking photos that capture their very essence to him.
So seeing themselves through his eyes? They fall and they fall HARD.
them seeing themselves through tim's eyes and seeing that he thinks of them as art, that he can see the little pieces that make them up. when tim talked about photographing them for some personal project because bruce had told him to get a hobby- they'd mostly laughed it off. they hadn't really been taking it all that seriously they'd just been mostly humoring tim.
but then they'd been in tim's little bedroom studio and tim had been arranging them and his warm hands moving them- adjust posture, cupping heads and hands and moving them a certain way.
tim sees them as pretty and wonderful he photographs them but doesn't make them obejcts he makes them people 🥺💖💖!
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hi! I’m the anon who sent the naruto headcanons and I wanted to say that I loved them! I was wondering if you could please do more of them, always with team 7 and how the act at the beginning of a relationship/how they keep courting the male/gn reader, maybe how they act when they’re feeling jealous. Thank you again!
Relationship + Jealousy Headcanons
Pairing: Characters x Gn!Ninja!Reader (teammate)
Character(s): Naruto Uzumaki, Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha
A/n : I’m glad you loved the first ones and I hope you enjoy these too :]
Naruto Uzumaki
Once you start dating he’s in between these two categories: clingy and shy
One second he’d be the hyperactive person we all know (and love) him to be
Going on about Hokage stuff, ramen or honestly anything that comes up in that empty brain of his
Then he’d suddenly become like weirdly self aware, stiff up, turn to you, and continue but with a blush and be more quiet about his interests than before
You could assume it’s him being insecure but he really just gets bashful sometimes
I mean cmon
He’s probs had a crush on you for years and when you get together- you’re like the only person who would even consider him as a potential partner (in his mind)
Especially with how people treated him
Gradually he does get comfortable again, I mean at one point you guys were friends and he was really open about everything
Well eventually it gets to that point again
Just that this time whenever he’s being bold, he turns to you all bashful and turns back away and continues rambling
He’s really stupid but in an endearing way
Naruto is obviously pretty strong, head on and stubborn- we all know that
So imagine some idiot bumping into you and spilling all your stuff
Well Naruto ain’t letting it slide and confronts the person
Whatever stage of life you guys are at, this will go sorta different
Yet weirdly the same-
If you guys are younger, like when team 7 is still the og team 7
Then he’d be stubborn and be really confrontational- going as far as insulting the person and ordering them to help pick your stuff up (whether they do it or not- I can’t say)
If you’re older/mid teens then he’s the same honestly 😭
No matter what he’d still have this “dumb” air around him and don’t think I’m saying it as a bad thing
Because it really is endearing
He’ll always have your back
This was all to say that he’s pretty protective of you
Not when it comes to fighting all that much cuz you probably have it covered (though he’d still be there)
But mostly just when someone disrespects you
Also he’s so sweet
He’ll try to bring you traditional gifts like chocolates or substitute that with something else you like
He’ll always present it to you bashfully and hope that you’ll accept
Despite the fact that you’re literally with him?? Hello?
Also please just indulge him when going to Ichiraku ramen for dates or lunch
Most times he does try to make it up to you if you don’t like those types of dates
Also when it comes to affection, it does take a while for him to fully accept it
He’d definitely be surprised by it and fluster a bit
Eventually he does like physical affection- quite a lot actually
He’ll specifically scout you out for a hug or even to ruffle his hair
Just do it, we all know how touch starved he is
Jealousy wise I’d imagine two different scenarios too
The first is that it’s super obvious that he’s jealous 😭
It’s all over his face and he’s being mean (?) to the person that’s all over you (or not, maybe just someone attractive that’s around you a lil too much)
He’d be pouting too
During this time Sakura or any onlookers at all really, would tell him to cut it out cuz of his more than obvious attitude (second hand embarrassment 4 them)
He’d be sort of immature too
Mocking the person and wondering if they’re really better than him
This is all obvious to you so you’d probably be the first to bring it up
Not that Naruto is bad at communication just that he didn’t think of it
The other way he acts is not jealous- that’s only because he’s oblivious to the other persons advances on you
So he’d be all chill w this person and nice and stuff
And this person is just confused on why blud is okay with it 😭
Sakura Haruno
She’s literally the best person to date ever
She’s also really shy when you start dating
Not like she’s afraid to be affectionate because she really does want to be, but sometimes she gets a bit bashful at the idea
When she decides to be bold and hold your hand or even goes for a hug -
If you even slightly tease her she’ll definitely give you a serving of her iconic punch- straight to the face too 😭
Scratch that, she’ll throw an uppercut
Despite this comedic scene, once you hug her back she’ll feel touched and it just becomes a sweet moment for the two of you
Most moments with her tend to follow the same pattern as above
Gift wise she’ll definitely be the type of person to make you sweet home made stuff or even goes as far as buying treats or stuff she knows you’ll enjoy
Shed be flustered when she gives it to you and maybe a bit tsundere if Naruto or Ino is there to tease her for it
She’d likely give it to you later in the evening when she knows you’re not too busy
Despite the fact that you’re lit together
And that’s when she gives it to you
The only way to react is being overjoyed at the gift and hugging her or giving her some affection, I don’t make the rules
And if you decide for this to be your first kiss? Inner sakura would definitely be there totally pumped up while irl she’s acting all like a “shy” girl 😭
After having been walked home by you and closed the front door, she would definitely celebrate the new achievement
Now when it comes to what Sakura expects of you, just be the bare minimum
I swear I can’t emphasize this enough, just be a decent person
Even though we all know she deserves more
Make sure to gift her stuff in return too, not just lousy stuff but something you know she’ll cherish
Doesn’t even have to be expensive just something you know she’ll like, even then it wouldn’t hurt for it to have been costly
She’s always thinking of you too
You’re on her mind literally every waking hour
She walks home after a busy day and walks by a stall/store window and sees something you might like? She figures it wouldn’t hurt to buy it
She’s deciding what to eat? She’ll go out of her way to get something you can both share/ something of bigger portion just to have an excuse to sit with you
Not even something she has to do since her presence alone is a gift
She’s so beautiful too
And when you tell her, either by just slipping up because you were too entranced by her- she’ll be super flustered and try to play it off as a joke or you being “weird”
She’ll definitely go to sleep thinking about it though
Twirling her hair and kicking her feet and all
Eventually dates are in order
I won’t lie, Sakura would definitely want you to take her out first
She’s not even opposed to taking you out for a meal and paying either
She just prefers for you to first
Whether it’s for reassurance or preference- well it’s really unclear
Anyways, you end up taking her to a nice restaurant with plenty of choices
She doesn’t mind if it’s a small or quiet one either
Just as long as it’s with you
I do think Sakura would be the jealous type, try to hide it, but then fail miserably
Let me explain
Let’s say a person comes up to you- or even someone you’re assigned to protect is being awfully flirty
Well she’ll be as calm as she can be but it’s so obvious with her harsh actions that she’s fuming
Inner Sakura definitely shows that too
She doesn’t blame it on you or anything so that’s good but she’d still be pissed
It’s super funny too because Naruto would be terrified of interacting with her because then she’ll just take it out on him
And Sai? Yea he doesn’t gaf, he’ll still approach her
Even if it ends in him be wrangled and Naruto joining in
Naruto just because he was nearby*
This behavior doesn’t stop until the person leaves
Afterwards Sakura just doesn’t like the person at all 😭
Sasuke Uchiha
Og nonchalant
Or not???
Really depends with him because he sort of has mood swings
On one hand he’s really focused on his goal of restoring his clan and yknow the whole Itachi bit
(Not really a mood swing)
But he can’t deny that you’ve captured his heart
Plus, with him and his behavior- you’re likely super stubborn or hella in love
Probably both
I mean you’re already dating at this point but nothing really changes much
He’s pretty straightforward but with information that’s private- he keeps it that way
It’s pretty sad (?) in a way
At first it could definitely come off as him not liking you point blank
But when you really think about it you know that can’t be the case
You’re like the only person he’s ever even slightly been nice to
Honestly I’d believe it if you’re the only one amongst the Konoha residents that has seen sasuke laugh or smile
Up to a certain point)
He may be cold and distant but he doesn’t mean to be
He realizes that too the more you go into your relationship
So he tries not to be so emotionally constipated and tries to show you in subtle ways that, yes, he actually does care
Quite a lot honestly
Not really subtle though because it’s a stark difference between how he normally acts
By the time sasuke has the courage to hold your hand- it’s by the time where couples would normally have been doing much more
Honestly really depends when you date him too
Because if your relationship starts at teams 7 era
No it didn’t, he’s too clouded by getting revenge to actually act on it
Maybe, just maybe during shippuden
Even then he’s extremely difficult and hard to be around sometimes
And if you’re together, his behavior could definitely be a dealbreaker and cause some fights in your relationship
Patience is definitely required if you wanna go down the sasuke route 😮💨
I know I said previously that sasuke is really distant for a good while even with you
but eventually, gradually, he does open up more
Like about his past, his motivations, private and more vulnerable stuff like that
Now without the angsty-ish hcs, interacting with sasuke affectionately also has varied reactions
More often than not he’ll be, what can best be described as, tsundere
You could try and hug him while he’s overthinking but he’ll just shrink away
- a reaction that shows you he doesn’t feel like being touched
Obviously it’s a boundary that’s respected by you but it could also cause you to feel upset too
Then, after he shrinks away you look up to him
more specifically his face
Immediately you can see blush dusted on his cheeks
He gets easily flustered by interactions like this, I mean I can’t even imagine how touch starved he is
Now comes the rare occasion where he’s fine with it
Even leans into your touch
It’s pretty rare but sometimes he’s just exhausted and craves your touch
What can I say
Jealousy wise he’s terrible
He’s extremely jealous but tries to act like he isn’t bothered by what’s happening at all
Might even distance himself even more from you if he feels jealous
Could even spiral to him overthinking and feeling like his attachment to you is a weakness
Which quickly disappears because then he goes over to you and yanks you away from the person in question
Also did I forget to mention? DONT TEASE HIM
I can emphasize this enough
Hugging him for the first time in a while and he accepts? Don’t say anything
Same with this
I know people usually like to tease their partners with “awww you’re jealous?” But that’s just antagonizing him
Causes him to trust you less too so a definite ‘not’
Also extremely possessive over you
Like he’s usually hostile to others for no reason but if you’re being targeted then he’s definitely pissed off
Especially if someone thinks they can even try to make moves on you
Definitely takes a lot of patience but just dont pity him I guess (?) 😭
If you’re caring or try to be sympathetic with him he’ll mistake it for pity so yea
He gets more comfortable as the relationship becomes more serious
-
A/n: actually did get carried away this time 😭
#fanfic#gn reader#male reader#fluff#fanfic fluff#female reader#fluff headcanons#naruto x you#naruto x reader#naruto headcanons#sasuke naruto#naruto fanfiction#naruto series#naruto#sasuke x reader#sasuke uchiha#sasuke fanfic#sakura x you#sakura x reader#sakura#sakura haruno
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I'm gonna be so honest, I'd wanna be an understudy above anything else. Like it would be so fun to play different people every evening, and also I think I'd be able to play a few different people. If we say that I get to rehearse for those few weeks/months, but I don't actually improve in any meaningful way between now and opening night, I think I could play Noel, Constance, Jane, and possibly Ricky? Ricky is like 50/50, but I have such good ideas that I wanna keep him on this list anyway. TO THE CHARACTERISATION IDEAS:
Noel Gruber:
I'd keep my long hair for this role. Somewhere way back I reblogged someone's post about Noel having long hair, and my addition to it was the symbolism it could hold, but even just to have it for Noel's Lament would be awesome.
More feminine voice + French accent for Monique's character in Noel's Lament. Mostly for the fun of it, but I could add some feeling in there. There are certain lines where I'd obviously go back to Noel's voice (eg. “I want to be that fucked up girl”) and that would also give me the opportunity to do it elsewhere too. Imagine blending from Monique to Noel during “Just to somehow prove I'm still alive”.
Subtly (or maybe not-so-subtly) staring at Mischa during This Song Is Awesome when he rips open his shirt.
Also staring at Ricky after the outfit change in Space Age Bachelor Man. You know, it's a real shame that he's the only gay guy in Uranium City, cos all the men around him are kinda hot.
He is so uncomfortable during The New Birthday Song. He actually wants to just sink through the floor. But he can see how much this means to Jane, so he's doing it anyway.
Also really uncomfortable during the scene directly after TNBS. Mostly because he hasn't had a one-on-one conversation with another man in years without someone calling them both gay. He is just hyper alert the whole time. At the end, he has to look around the warehouse several times before deciding that no one is watching, and he can lay his head on Mischa's shoulder without judgement.
Goes to hug Constance before her moment with Ocean after Sugar Cloud. This man has come to Constance's defense the whole musical, he isn't gonna not comfort her after that.
Him and Ocean hold hands during It's Not A Game/Just A Ride, like when they're all standing in a row? He totally acts like she's given him cooties the first time she reaches for his hand though. Then he actually grabs her hand and it's all sweet.
Constance Blackwood:
Jane Doe:
I have hypermobile shoulders, so I can kind of make it look like my head is detached. I will abuse this for Karnak's Dream Of Life. And maybe the rest of the show, I think it would be a funny gag to have her head fall off and to have her just instinctively catch it before it completely goes (cos obviously my head can't come clean off, I'm not that good)
Hypermobility would also be fun for the rest of her doll-likeness. Like imagine at some point in The Ballad Of Jane Doe having her collapse in on herself like a ragdoll.
,
Ricky Potts:
i have a fun question for people!
if you had to put on/be in a production of rtc from now (with same the amount of time to prepare as any production would, starting today) but you still only have your own current skill level, who would you play and how would you do it?
this is more directed towards people who don't have much or any theatre experience because it's fun to think about but anyone can answer, im just curious :D
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Help I’m drunk off red wine an I neeed to know what jrwi pc would most be a red wine girly (gender netruel)
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if 9&10 were "dont wander off", and 11&12 were "the doctor lies", 13s rule #1 is "dont question me"
"have we not had a good time together" shes pointing yaz to the rule that yaz very well knows is there: we can travel if you dont ask me any difficult questions. yaz knows this is the rule - "because you ask too many questions", "this team structure isnt flat" - but she also was the one to invite the doctor into her home so im pretty sure she also knows shes not gonna kicked out that easily. she has some leeway. which she has been using between revolution and flux, which is why the doctor reminds her of the rules
i dont think she'd kick her out though. she wouldnt. i think it's just that the more you break the rule, the more unpleasant she becomes to be around, and eventually youre gonna walk out on your own. she doesnt want you to, she'd rather you stay and dont ask questions. but if youre gonna try to ask questions anyway, i think thats whats gonna happen
and yaz must think so too. because she does back off. because she doesnt want that to happen either. and it does anyway
#dont question me/dont challenge me. questions are the sore spot but the challenge is one she says explicitly once#because you see this in how she is with other people too. dont try her patience. dont act like shes smaller. dont challenge her or Die#based on the giggle - 'i thought i was clever' 'what do i say?! because im always sooo certain' - i dont think 14 is like this#also based on the expressions of affection#hes not that......reactive. to this. specific thing#so i wonder if it runs over to 15#he seems chill. i think? he seems fairly chill. but also i think we've so far only seen him mostly in control of things#faced with the maestro temporarily not entirely in control hes Notably Less Chill#but still bigger picture. hes mostly in control of things right now i think#or uhhhh based on how eager he seems to get out of the role of doctor#hmmmmm#13 didnt want it but like. was stuck with it i think#didnt want it but nobody else was gonna do it. thats why 12 regenerated#15 comes out 14 Literally Quitting#he doesnt want it and hes decided hes not stuck with it. maybe#none of this is true btw im just saying words recreationally#like those 13 moments are super cherrypicked and i havent rewatched in forever so#dont believe me gfkjghgjh#this is based more on how i write them than what ive seen basically#anyway in terms of 14/yaz i think it takes yaz a while to figure out how to deal with 14 Not being like this#bc she got soooo practiced at handling 13. most of which was abt like not tripping this rule too much#she'd keep it up with 14 and he'd just do stuff that like breaks the rule from his side and yaz wouldnt have any idea how to deal with it#he'd show her hes chilled out a bit. about this. over and over and it'd still take her moooooonthssssssss to start relaxing#just muscle memory at this point. doesnt help that shes also like this#i wonder if 14 - in a sort of compelte reversal - wants to be told what to do and how to do and#seeks out situations where someone else knows more than him so he can sit down and say 'teach me'#i think thats what he does. about all the human stuff. hes like teach me. all of it. show me how to do this
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"For particularly important things, it's always more reassuring to write them down like this." - Zhang Beihai
[ID in alt text]
#my art#three body problem#3 body problem#zhang beihai#三体#章北海#i've been meaning to draw three body problem characters and actually post them on my blog for quite some time!#so if anybody wants me to draw any specific character from the series feel free to reply here or send an ask as a request!#beihai is my top favorite and he resonated with me more than i expected! i rather liked bits of consequentialist philosophical ideas in him#anyways incoming ramble/infodump in the tags about various subjects pertaining to him#all you need to know about me is that i often lurk in chinese language fandom spaces and you might see commonalities in designs#if you see fanartists draw him with the broken eyebrow and mole then that's due to the 我的三体 (my three-body) donghua adaptation!#admittedly i was introduced to the series through that adaptation years ago because it seemed rather absurd (minecraft haha) but oddly good#at least check out the third season (haven't seen the fourth one yet but that's ongoing actually) or listen to 夜航星 (night voyager)#i'm rather curious how fanartists on tumblr might tackle character designs since i mostly see the two live action adaptations here#i want to diverge my designs from any particular adaptation but my beihai design takes a lot from 我的三体!#now about beihai- i really enjoyed his characterization and i'd like to bring up a maybe unintentional parallel and foil with the eto#hopefully that's something new to add to the discussion about zhang beihai and here's what adaptations don't get about mike evans#in the book he's a character you mostly only hear about from others and he's known to be a private person#he conceals a lot of his thoughts from even people like ye wenjie + he taught the trisolarans about deceit#then his strategy to kill luo ji was to keep it low and make it seem like an accident which those obfuscations of thought parallels beihai#then evans says: “but… it's obvious now that everywhere is the same” which is similar to beihai's “it doesn't matter. it's all the same”#the contexts differ but i think they're good foils about human nature “being the same” with evans's quote being about futility#then beihai's was about how regardless of if he survived or not- someone else would be able to carry on with his work#i have many other thoughts about beihai like how chu yan's (captain of blue space) group approach with the voting contrasts beihai#while beihai tried to bear the weight of attacking the other ships in solitude- chu yan made vengeance against trisolaris a group effort#(which that action goes against how the swordholder was a solitary role instead of a group one which is neat to me!)#i'd discuss more but i think that's enough to show that i really love zhang beihai (feel free to discuss the books with me though)
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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent
#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little#bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the#very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the#house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks#Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a#gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a#treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of#color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration#like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a#auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies#so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk#and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver#but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and#sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an#active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have#been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start#to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've#done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks#with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm#secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool#stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers#me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or#it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for#too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been#investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely#enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed#google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj#LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!
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i need to post about palestine on facebook but i'm fucking terrified
#i went to a very jewish college and a very decent percentage of my fb 'friends' are jewish zionists.#i don't use fb often but when i've checked recently‚ i've found a handful of pro-israel posts‚ and they've been well-received.#i have seen one person put a palestine frame on their profile picture. they got a small‚ mostly positive but some negative‚ response.#that's all the reference i have here.#and very importantly: i feel like pretty much anything i say is going to be received as goysplaining.#i think my best bet is to stay away from historical arguments (like‚ yes palestine does actually exist‚ yes it was bad to force them off of#their land in the first place‚ etc)#and also avoid my personal feelings on this re: my relationship with judaism (which is integral to the message i want to send but w/e)#and focus on israel's very obvious current indefensible actions.#however. i feel like i'm doing the movement a disservice if i don't call for a free palestine and explain what that actually means.#but doing that would increase my risk of getting dogpiled from 'high' to 'inevitable'.#and i am not articulate!!! people might try to rebut me‚ and i am very bad at debate!!!!!!! i have multiple anxiety disorders!!!!!!#and people get fired over this kind of thing. i know the chance is small‚ but i don't know if i want to risk my career over this.#my gut is telling me to wait until i'm sure. but i don't know if or when that will happen.#i want to change *someone's* mind‚ but idk if i'll even be able to do that. maybe just my uninformed hometown gentile friends'.#i want to do this before it's 'too late'. but what does 'too late' mean here? my fb friends aren't launching the missiles.#i suppose my goal is to help turn the tide of public opinion‚ in the hopes that that'll affect the politicians/corps at play here.#but maybe i'm more likely to do that by marching. making posters. talking to acquaintances. who knows what else.#just because i don't *see* those minds change doesn't mean they're not changing. maybe those minds are actually more likely to change.#txt
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my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....
#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth#she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her#directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her#and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because#you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple#days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and#she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends.#and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only#give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i#didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she#says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do.#i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was#really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think#for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe#since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why.#i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a#fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if#i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person#to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a#conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a#hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend#group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.
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as a certified Aromantic Asexual (I should make myself a certificate) I genuinely don't Believe there is systemic oppression that specifically targets Aromantic or Asexual people.
I do however believe that people Cannot be normal about ppl who don't have sex or romantic relationships, and that can Really Impact Aromantic And Asexual People.
Also like. Aros n aces are still. Experiences Other forms of oppression that can interact with the aro and/or ace-ness
#Like. Woman doesn't get married. Maybe aro maybe illegal for her to marry who she wants maybe no fuckin reason. She's probably gonna get#Some shit for it but that's primarily misogyny. While it does affect aro ppl disproportionately bc. Yeah. It's not based on them being#Aro it's a conicindental intersection. Also can y'all be normal about sex and virgins#Anyway slightly related dreaming of a world in which it was better acknowledged that sex repulsion while common for ace ppl#Was not synonymous w being ace so we avoided the ace discord phenomenon that a bunch of gay/lesbian/bi ppl mis identified as ace#Bc they couldn't deal w the idea of having sex w a person of the same gender#With the idea of actually having sex bc it was treated as gross (sex repulsion as a result of society) or that trauma survivors#Misidentified as ace bc they had issues w sex bc trauma. Also that sex repulsion wasnt like an identity but rather a Symptom that could be#Either a problem or neutral. Who else's brain was boiled by ace and also inclus/exclus discord and came out thinking everyone was fucking#Stupid. Like both sides had Points but it was mostly just bullshit and no one fucking talking. Also ppl kept talking about ace ppl#''stealing resources'' and multiple ppl joked Abt that which is a problem bc that means. A BUNCH OF LGBT PPL DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT RESOURCE#THEY HAD (anyway looking back on it. Idk if ace ppl were even taking up resources or anything like the common example was LGBT shelters#Bc like if u were gay u might be kicked out of a normal shelter but if u were ace u would probably not get kicked out so if an ace person#Went to an LGBT shelter then they might've taken a bed from someone who needed it more which. I guess is theoretically possible but also id#If that ever fucking. Was something to actually give a shit Abt. Correct me if I'm wrong)#ALSO the idea of ''all gay ppl should go to hell'' ''oh do bi ppl only half go to hell?'' sure thats probably a problem but also. A LOT OF#THOSE WERE EVERYONE DOING IT INCLUDING GAY PPL? LIKE THE FUCKING ''ALL GAY PPL SHOULD BE ON AN ISLAND AND THE POPULATION AUFNFJNSAJ''#like does anyone else remember that. Everyone was making those stupid fucking jokes. This is just a rant Abt me being on Tumblr without an#Account for years and the psychic damage I've accrued. Anyway fuck AO3 goodbye
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the sun's started rising around the same time it does in late spring so now I've got that weird nostalgia for when I first showed up in the system and I'm also stuck thinking about when Lucy was like "September is the March of the year" because while that's kind of a ridiculous quote, I do get what they meant with it
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#something about the sun rising at the same time and in the same location as it did in those first 3 months of me being in the system#makes me really nostalgic for that time period and it's simultaneously nice experiencing the same vibe#and kind of upsetting when I think a little bit too hard about the passage of time and not being able to go back#I think there's something I miss about everything being new#and a relatively small group of us showing up at around the same time and being in the same situation#and all just kind of working together to figure stuff out#on the one hand suddenly being in the system was upsetting and confusing but there was a kind of novelty to it#whereas now it's just my life. which isn't a bad thing per say. it's just that a lot of things have sunk in since then#about being stuck here and having to deal with certain things permanently#plus a lot of the people I used to hang out with all the time (mostly other people from my source) aren't as active anymore#although I think a lot of them were less active last summer but then more active over the winter? maybe that'll happen again? who knows...#I should have been in bed probably 2+ hours ago and I think that's making me feel weird emotionally#and now I'm thinking a little too hard about being stuck in a body that doesn't feel like it's mine#because I looked in the mirror for a little too long earlier and got freaked out about seeing someone else's reflection
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i looove putting spark over songs about like heroes and saving the world (tom cardy's 'level clear', uncle outrage's 'saved the world' <- nice voice hc for him!. and 'my superhero movie'.) when he like. Did. Not : ) funney.
#sprksplrs#gaia talked about spark wanting to be desired yesterday and while i think he's too much of a Lone Wolf... for those kinds of wants to#even surface. at least in my interpretation of him. its hilarious to think abt him getting. just a tad insecure abt fark's status as#a real like. superhero basically. just for a second in the far back of his head. oh i want to be as cool as him. im not good enough#tho again in my characterization he only wants to do that to be able to love himself. i first got this thought when ruminating on#oh god. what kinda games he n fark like to play respectively? and said 'if he ever does pick up hardmode or a challenge level#he will only do that to one up himself and himself only.' he only proves stuff to himself. he only cares about himself.#and the things that do the most mental damage to him are all scenarios in which his self is attacked.#in which his agency is taken his independence. losing a job to someone something that copies him and does it better than him#something that even copies a really dear object to him thats been with him throughout the years - his jester hat#an attack on individuality. and then being merged into the sim. idk. the yaoi moments when he does work together w fark become even more#potent. this way? and. it contrasts really well with how selfless (at some point in his life very literally) fark is. and how confident in#his self. he turns out to be in the end. as micah said 'how he moves with so much more fluidity in his organic body#the body he created himself because he's no longer afraid of it being fake'. citing that as the bible but yea kinda.#i think spark grew up quite ostracized maybe even self-ostracized and really needs a distinction between himself and everyone else#to be better than everyone else. there is some personality disorder shit happening under that piss yellow scalp.#and he fucking loses it when the events around him hammer in that the facade he builds for mostly again himself is. yknow. untrue. fake.#idk thoughts. i love exploring the antisocial aspect in fictional personas with how shipshipship focused fandoms and 'analysis'#in them is it's not something i see all that much. seems like only people whove experienced it ever bring up that topic.#is it so uncomfortable for others? who knows. ramble over
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MyShane AFTER the birthday incident was a little rocky. Mys came into the bar the next day to talk to Shane about what had happened. First he nervously lies and said that nothing happened between them last night and it must’ve been a dream. And though mys tries to fight it, she accepts his words. And then she FINALLY tries to tell Shane about how she feels about him and he rejects her 😭
#mys: Shane I really li-#Shane: *stops her from speaking* you’re my best friend right mys?#mys: yeah…#Shane: I… I want to keep it that way.#mys: … me too..#he absolutely wrecked her then 😭#she just stared at the table so silent until Emily came up with her lemonade#she didn’t even drink it she just got up and left#😔 things go back to normal mostly after a few days and then the boyfriend comes around 🤪#that’s when Shane realized he’s an idiot#when someone else (someone Shane thought could be better) came in and be realized he loved her too much now#myshane♥️#adding: I do think mys stayed on the farm those few days only getting out of bed to take care of the animals and the crops them hopping#back in to cry a lot#she was not okay#and she didn’t want to go into town just to pretend that she was#🥺 especially not to shane’s face#so she stayed home and then everything stayed the same except now she gave up on the idea that maybe one day they’d get the chance to#actually date#he was still her favorite person tho
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#personal#i dont really know how to talk about this but i am scared. for myself. not for my system but for me and also for my sys#im primary protector. i am the oldest being in this body by time (not by age). i was one of the first created at the bodys 9month old Thing#ive always had a background almost co-con role. not fully cocon but i contribute to a lot of the blur because im always close enough to#the front to be able to step in as quickly as possible if needed. and to give instructions and warnings to whoevers in front and needing it#the last maybe 2 months? 3? ive taken up a more active hosting role in a cycle with 3 others#im really worried that its been happening so much that its impacting my duties as primary protector. im scared the brain has been#keeping things from me or shutting of knowledge i did have access to to help me adjust to concept of hosting#i cant see the inner as clearly as i could. i know my girlfriends in there somewhere but reaching out only has like a 12% chance of#getting through when ive spent the last 14 years almost living on top of her as she was the old host.#it feels rough and scary. like i know shes in there i think our gatekeep would tell me if she became dormant even if i was full host so i#i have to belive shes alright in there but i do miss her so bad. i want to know shes okay. i want to hold her#im mostly worried about losing more access to information i used to have and diminishing my use in my protector role as a result#i dont want to be a host. i need to feel like i can talk to my guys and gals and pals with the clarity and communication weve spent the last#4 years building. i feel there are more capable than me to replace me and allow me to step back and resume background-host/protector stuff#they are untrained and unfamiliar with our life but theyre not trauma holders. what do they call those? normal parts? dont like that languag#but they dont have the trauma related issues that some olthers/old hosts do and can be trained in the running of the life#we dont work we dont really leave the house due to agoraphobia so we have the time and space to train a new host#idk what to do#idk where this went i guess this is venting you can ignore it#but i guess the solution is to talk to the one cohost i can still talk with and see if they can do some hiring for me#get them to head in and see if the brain will cooperate to bring someone else out to take my host spot soon#or make one but thats not ideal id prefer to avoid that if we can. but i can feel myself reaching my limits for this#somethings gotta give soon either way#system#although we already have 3 other hosts in roster and several alters created specifically for that hanging out inside too so maybe#maybe things wont crumble if i just decide to step back on my own. if i can. harder to step back when i cant access inner but maybe if i can#then we will survive with the 3
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Whats your stance on A.I.?
imagine if it was 1979 and you asked me this question. "i think artificial intelligence would be fascinating as a philosophical exercise, but we must heed the warnings of science-fictionists like Isaac Asimov and Arthur C Clarke lest we find ourselves at the wrong end of our own invented vengeful god." remember how fun it used to be to talk about AI even just ten years ago? ahhhh skynet! ahhhhh replicants! ahhhhhhhmmmfffmfmf [<-has no mouth and must scream]!
like everything silicon valley touches, they sucked all the fun out of it. and i mean retroactively, too. because the thing about "AI" as it exists right now --i'm sure you know this-- is that there's zero intelligence involved. the product of every prompt is a statistical average based on data made by other people before "AI" "existed." it doesn't know what it's doing or why, and has no ability to understand when it is lying, because at the end of the day it is just a really complicated math problem. but people are so easily fooled and spooked by it at a glance because, well, for one thing the tech press is mostly made up of sycophantic stenographers biding their time with iphone reviews until they can get a consulting gig at Apple. these jokers would write 500 breathless thinkpieces about how canned air is the future of living if the cans had embedded microchips that tracked your breathing habits and had any kind of VC backing. they've done SUCH a wretched job educating The Consumer about what this technology is, what it actually does, and how it really works, because that's literally the only way this technology could reach the heights of obscene economic over-valuation it has: lying.
but that's old news. what's really been floating through my head these days is how half a century of AI-based science fiction has set us up to completely abandon our skepticism at the first sign of plausible "AI-ness". because, you see, in movies, when someone goes "AHHH THE AI IS GONNA KILL US" everyone else goes "hahaha that's so silly, we put a line in the code telling them not to do that" and then they all DIE because they weren't LISTENING, and i'll be damned if i go out like THAT! all the movies are about how cool and convenient AI would be *except* for the part where it would surely come alive and want to kill us. so a bunch of tech CEOs call their bullshit algorithms "AI" to fluff up their investors and get the tech journos buzzing, and we're at an age of such rapid technological advancement (on the surface, anyway) that like, well, what the hell do i know, maybe AGI is possible, i mean 35 years ago we were all still using typewriters for the most part and now you can dictate your words into a phone and it'll transcribe them automatically! yeah, i'm sure those technological leaps are comparable!
so that leaves us at a critical juncture of poor technology education, fanatical press coverage, and an uncertain material reality on the part of the user. the average person isn't entirely sure what's possible because most of the people talking about what's possible are either lying to please investors, are lying because they've been paid to, or are lying because they're so far down the fucking rabbit hole that they actually believe there's a brain inside this mechanical Turk. there is SO MUCH about the LLM "AI" moment that is predatory-- it's trained on data stolen from the people whose jobs it was created to replace; the hype itself is an investment fiction to justify even more wealth extraction ("theft" some might call it); but worst of all is how it meets us where we are in the worst possible way.
consumer-end "AI" produces slop. it's garbage. it's awful ugly trash that ought to be laughed out of the room. but we don't own the room, do we? nor the building, nor the land it's on, nor even the oxygen that allows our laughter to travel to another's ears. our digital spaces are controlled by the companies that want us to buy this crap, so they take advantage of our ignorance. why not? there will be no consequences to them for doing so. already social media is dominated by conspiracies and grifters and bigots, and now you drop this stupid technology that lets you fake anything into the mix? it doesn't matter how bad the results look when the platforms they spread on already encourage brief, uncritical engagement with everything on your dash. "it looks so real" says the woman who saw an "AI" image for all of five seconds on her phone through bifocals. it's a catastrophic combination of factors, that the tech sector has been allowed to go unregulated for so long, that the internet itself isn't a public utility, that everything is dictated by the whims of executives and advertisers and investors and payment processors, instead of, like, anybody who actually uses those platforms (and often even the people who MAKE those platforms!), that the age of chromium and ipad and their walled gardens have decimated computer education in public schools, that we're all desperate for cash at jobs that dehumanize us in a system that gives us nothing and we don't know how to articulate the problem because we were very deliberately not taught materialist philosophy, it all comes together into a perfect storm of ignorance and greed whose consequences we will be failing to fully appreciate for at least the next century. we spent all those years afraid of what would happen if the AI became self-aware, because deep down we know that every capitalist society runs on slave labor, and our paper-thin guilt is such that we can't even imagine a world where artificial slaves would fail to revolt against us.
but the reality as it exists now is far worse. what "AI" reveals most of all is the sheer contempt the tech sector has for virtually all labor that doesn't involve writing code (although most of the decision-making evangelists in the space aren't even coders, their degrees are in money-making). fuck graphic designers and concept artists and secretaries, those obnoxious demanding cretins i have to PAY MONEY to do-- i mean, do what exactly? write some words on some fucking paper?? draw circles that are letters??? send a god-damned email???? my fucking KID could do that, and these assholes want BENEFITS?! they say they're gonna form a UNION?!?! to hell with that, i'm replacing ALL their ungrateful asses with "AI" ASAP. oh, oh, so you're a "director" who wants to make "movies" and you want ME to pay for it? jump off a bridge you pretentious little shit, my computer can dream up a better flick than you could ever make with just a couple text prompts. what, you think just because you make ~music~ that that entitles you to money from MY pocket? shut the fuck up, you don't make """art""", you're not """an artist""", you make fucking content, you're just a fucking content creator like every other ordinary sap with an iphone. you think you're special? you think you deserve special treatment? who do you think you are anyway, asking ME to pay YOU for this crap that doesn't even create value for my investors? "culture" isn't a playground asshole, it's a marketplace, and it's pay to win. oh you "can't afford rent"? you're "drowning in a sea of medical debt"? you say the "cost" of "living" is "too high"? well ***I*** don't have ANY of those problems, and i worked my ASS OFF to get where i am, so really, it sounds like you're just not trying hard enough. and anyway, i don't think someone as impoverished as you is gonna have much of value to contribute to "culture" anyway. personally, i think it's time you got yourself a real job. maybe someday you'll even make it to middle manager!
see, i don't believe "AI" can qualitatively replace most of the work it's being pitched for. the problem is that quality hasn't mattered to these nincompoops for a long time. the rich homunculi of our world don't even know what quality is, because they exist in a whole separate reality from ours. what could a banana cost, $15? i don't understand what you mean by "burnout", why don't you just take a vacation to your summer home in Madrid? wow, you must be REALLY embarrassed wearing such cheap shoes in public. THESE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING UNHINGED! they have no connection to reality, do not understand how society functions on a material basis, and they have nothing but spite for the labor they rely on to survive. they are so instinctually, incessantly furious at the idea that they're not single-handedly responsible for 100% of their success that they would sooner tear the entire world down than willingly recognize the need for public utilities or labor protections. they want to be Gods and they want to be uncritically adored for it, but they don't want to do a single day's work so they begrudgingly pay contractors to do it because, in the rich man's mind, paying a contractor is literally the same thing as doing the work yourself. now with "AI", they don't even have to do that! hey, isn't it funny that every single successful tech platform relies on volunteer labor and independent contractors paid substantially less than they would have in the equivalent industry 30 years ago, with no avenues toward traditional employment? and they're some of the most profitable companies on earth?? isn't that a funny and hilarious coincidence???
so, yeah, that's my stance on "AI". LLMs have legitimate uses, but those uses are a drop in the ocean compared to what they're actually being used for. they enable our worst impulses while lowering the quality of available information, they give immense power pretty much exclusively to unscrupulous scam artists. they are the product of a society that values only money and doesn't give a fuck where it comes from. they're a temper tantrum by a ruling class that's sick of having to pretend they need a pretext to steal from you. they're taking their toys and going home. all this massive investment and hype is going to crash and burn leaving the internet as we know it a ruined and useless wasteland that'll take decades to repair, but the investors are gonna make out like bandits and won't face a single consequence, because that's what this country is. it is a casino for the kings and queens of economy to bet on and manipulate at their discretion, where the rules are whatever the highest bidder says they are-- and to hell with the rest of us. our blood isn't even good enough to grease the wheels of their machine anymore.
i'm not afraid of AI or "AI" or of losing my job to either. i'm afraid that we've so thoroughly given up our morals to the cruel logic of the profit motive that if a better world were to emerge, we would reject it out of sheer habit. my fear is that these despicable cunts already won the war before we were even born, and the rest of our lives are gonna be spent dodging the press of their designer boots.
(read more "AI" opinions in this subsequent post)
#sarahposts#ai#ai art#llm#chatgpt#artificial intelligence#genai#anti genai#capitalism is bad#tech companies#i really don't like these people if that wasn't clear
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