#i think jason todd is in need of therapy

[voiddaisy]

i am convinced that jason todd gets extra aggressive and mean when he is not in control of a situation. and that extends to any situation, no matter how mundane or domestic it is. his brother is sad and he doesn’t know why? he gets angry and snaps at the brother. because he can’t control the situation and that freaks him out, so he bites.

[havenesc]

well now i’m thinking about pre-aditf dick and jason slowly connecting outside of bruce’s influence. at first, jason doesn’t know what to make of dick — dick is moody and busy and avoids bruce and obviously, seeing a new kid in the colors after being fired probably sucks, so for a while jason is convinced dick doesn’t like him. dick probably can’t tell him otherwise the first few weeks he knows.

but then he remembers how mountainous the role his, how he had to forge it but jason has to follow it, which feels like that might be punishment enough (dick did not leave a low bar, after all). and dick knows bruce of all people. so he tries. he tries to be a good mentor, older figure for jason to look up to. they don’t have to be close but the kid’s already had a shit hand in his early life and he doesn’t need dick’s ire.

dick picks jason up after school sometimes to go out to eat or see a movie or they bitch about bruce. jason calls dick’s number, scared shitless of the former robin the first time he uses the number even though dick gave it to him, and dick picks up. dick always picks up when he can. jason at first only calls when it’s something urgent, something pressing, but then, experimentally, he calls when he just had a Day and he needs to tell someone that’s not bruce or alfred about it. then he calls when he had a Good Day and needs to tell someone about it. then he’s mentioning a new movie, a new hangout, something here and something there.

and even in suits, they forge bridges. jason’s rising anger and frustration is not so foreign from what dick felt, even if from different angles, but he relates to working with the batman and he tries to help jason. he shows him different tactics. logic and thinking structures. takedown methods. jason is not batman and he certainly is not nightwing but he is his own, he is robin, and dick tries to show him that he does not have to be a carbon copy of any of those things.

(they take turns ragging on batman when they’re all working a case together. bruce is so exhausted by his sons that he eventually can’t even keep repeatedly telling them to cut the shit.)

they’re very tightly knit without even realizing it and neither are ever quite brave enough to use the term brothers, but the familial love is there all the same. dick does not feel the loss as a solemn mentor, but a shattered older brother.

[ellabiee]

I've said this to people before but like Jason Todd is very Come Over by Noah Kahan coded and I cannot explain how

[puddingcatbeans]

the particular tang of heartache that is jason todd, standing across the rooftop in his red hood gear, looking at batman and thinking, i don't recognize this man at all.

jason looking at this man who used to be like a father to him, and not being able to reconcile the safety of his memories to the angry shell of a man before him now. jason wondering if the bruce he knew died along with the scared kid that never came back from ethiopia.

[mattzerella-sticks]

You know what? Maybe it's a controversial opinion but it makes sense why, no matter what Jason does or how he changes or how long ago it was, Bruce will always hold how he has killed people in the past over his head.

We're talking about a man who puts on a cape and cowl every night because of the memory of helplessness he has from being a kid who watched his parents be mugged then murdered in front of him. A man who has control issues. A deeply troubled man who has contingency plans for even his children.

There is nothing Jason can do if Bruce isn't willing to work with him. Not as Batman and Red Hood, but as Bruce and Jason.

The ball is in Bruce's court.

He needs to start putting in the work to forgive Jason, forgive himself for the perception that he failed Jason by 'letting' him become a killer, and change how he sees Jason. Because while he sees his son, Jason? I'm betting he also sees a Joe Chill-esque 'monster' he had a hand in releasing on the world. Doesn't matter that Jason has a no-kill policy now. This is Bruce's problem he needs to fix.

And how does he do that?

Therapy.

[birbinabox]

I wish Alfred would just slap each of the bat fam members (not cass or Duke my baby’s seem to have some emotional sense ((I say like I really know.))) but like Bruce, Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, Steph and Barbra. They need a good sending to therapy, family therapy and or relationship therapy. So much therapy. But like NEED the sense to get knocked into them with a bag ton of bricks.

I honestly don’t know who had good or bad coping but as far as fanon goes these fuckers are so damn emotionally on roller coaster it’s sad and I think Alfie could line them up a good slap then a referral to some good therapists. Like “you’re going to listen and listen good.” Bro does not care for the puppy eyes dick. Damian that didn’t work with dick why do you think that would work now. Steph probably went because she’s not going to complain, dragged Jason with her. Jason went because alfie asked if it was Bruce who asked he would have avoided it out of spite sack of potatoes to the ground even if Steph dragged him. Bruce and Tim are negotiating how to get out of the whole ordeal, cass is listening to them plan and is recording the entire thing duke is watching Damian try to sneak off while dick tries the puppy face a few more times Alfred is holding strong and wont let anyone go on patrol till at least one appointment is attended to. Which cass and duke are fine with family movie nights don’t happen as often as they like.

(I am aware that this is probably so ooc but like idk it’s funny in my head.)

[rizzanon]

Undoing Fate

neglected to regressor batsis! reader x platonic batfam

what if after 20 years of neglect from your family full of vigilantes, you face an unfortunate death, only to find yourself regressed back to when you were 16?

⤷ lots of emotional neglect, reader was batgirl, reader was a tryhard and an overachiever, reader had no social life in her first life, mentions of drugs, mentions of human trafficking, mentions of death, regression themes, toxic and unhealthy relationships, dysfunctional family, toxic mentalities, reader and everyone else needs therapy…, canon divergence, major character death(s) | tba | based on this

⤷ info! (background) 1 | 2 | read this first to understand the plot and each batfam better :)

⤷ art!!! 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

⤷ if you’re bored m.list—under reconstruction

00 | And she cried over nothing

01 | Sixteen again

02 | A quitter? | ?

03 | Everything is awesome…

04 | Until it’s not | .

05 | Untouched memories

06 | Another suffocating day | .

07 | 1–Paranoia at its finest

| 2–To care or not to care

| 3–Sneaky link?

08 | 1–We’ve been here before (13/4)

| 2–Tricks and Riddles (16/4)

| 3– (TBC) (19/4)

09 | —

taglist is closed‼️

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(idk why i can’t tag some of y’all, must be your settings i think 😓) (or let me know if i accidentally spelt ur user wrongly 😭💀)

[prlssprfctn]

Batfamily get tired of Bruce and Jason's insanity and as true hypocrites buy them monthly sessions to the therapist that they cannot ignore, like, at all. That ensues some troubles.

Jason: *sprawled on the couch in the Batcave* Bruce: *brooding around* Jason: What's up with you? Bruce: I am dreading over the upcoming therapy session. Jason: Oh, lmao, they forced you, too? Bruce, irritated: That's a ridiculous waste of time. I don't even need it. Jason: Yeah, same. Wanna tip, though? Gaslight the shit out of your therapist. Bruce: ...What? Jason: Lie to them. Forge fake stories. If they are a good therapist, they will catch you. But you know what? Mine believes me. Can't wait to find out just how far it can go. Bruce: That's wrong on so many levels. Bruce: ...I'll try.

Of all things that could mend Bruce and Jason's relationship, this makes a trick. They start discussing their therapy sessions all the time. But not because they receive some kind of useful feedback, but because they keep giggling about gaslighting their therapists.

Bruce unleashes his full Brucie Wayne potential on that poor therapist. Like, yeah, he will discuss his traumas... No, no, not his parents' death! He, of course, meant that one incident with Oliver Queen, when they were seventeen and drunk, and-

Bruce: I think I genuinely didn't have so much fun since forever. Therapists truly can help. Jason: I have an amazing idea how to make it even more hilarious. This one is a little insensitive, but hey. Whatever makes it funnier. Bruce, squinting: ...Jason. Jason: Are you in or not? Bruce: ...

*a few hours later, in the living room of the Manor, with all family members gathered*

Bruce: Jason and I asked you to come since we have news for you. As you know, we had been visiting therapists for a while, and it was an immense help to our mental health. As it was expected, in the middle of the sessions we came to the topic of our relationship. Jason: Yeah, uh. We kinda decided to get a separate therapist for this. Like, family one. For us to go together. And fix things. Bruce: Yeah. We just wanted to update you on this. All support would be appreciated. Dick, wiping his tears away: Guys. Guys, I am so proud of you. Jason and Bruce: *high-fiving each other behind their backs*

Do they actually go to the family therapist? Yeah! Do they still continue creating fake ass stories to test their doctor? Yeah! Do they actually by the accident start oversharing their own emotions during acting by an established scenario and actually get a whole mental breakdown in front of terrified therapist? Yeah...

Therapist: So, uh... *checking scribbled notes of a messy drama that Bruce and Jason rehearsed a night before* ...H-how about we think about where it brings us now? Mister Wayne, do you feel guilt about what happened? Bruce, answering automatically, out of prepared lines: Of course, I feel guilt. I always do. Therapist: Okay, why won't you try to apologise before your son? Bruce, stammering: I-I don't know, I am a prideful person Jason, also abandoning their script: Oh, wow, and I am not?! Therapist: O-okay. Uh, mister- Jason: Like, not saying, but it would be nice to see you discarding some of your pride, when all I do is to stomp on my own to please you! Therapist: Okay, okay, how about... Jesus Chirst, mister Wayne, mister Todd-Wayne, are you crying? Jason and Bruce, sniffling: NO!

[gaywineauntsstuff]

Things I think about late at night

-discowing was Dicks dads costume

-the mullet everyone cracks jokes about (same) was given to him my mirage

- the OG Robin costume was based on his parents and his circus costumes and now it’s black, gray and orange

- Jason Todd’s biggest fear is not living up to Dick Grayson (in Bruce’s eyes)

- Damian Wayne’s biggest fear is disappointing Dick Grayson

- DC tried to make Dick and Donna a thing (no..just no)

-Dick and Damian both have a compulsive need to pick up strays (is this Bruce’s fault or did they bond over this?)

- Tim Drake is so cool in the comics and I wasted so many years hating him cuz fanon Tim is a lil bitch boy

-Jason Todd is such a loser in canon but it works so well on him god damn

-I’m actually rlly annoyed that Steph is never a contender for nightwing I think she’d do rlly well tbh

- Steph’s backstory is way sadder than Tim’s we should absolutely talk about it more

-Lian Harper :(

-Tim is so funny when he’s just some dude who ADHD hyperfixationed his way into a “I got adopted by my favorite band” y/n self insert fic except the band was a collection of deeply unstable people who fight crime and also happens to have an IQ of 180

-

This image

- the fact that Bruce and Dick/Damian/Tim have a deeply dysfunctional relationship and I need them in family therapy

- Cass isn’t actually Bruce’s favorite she’s just the one that should be.

- the fact that Jason Todd canonically likes Dick Grayson and doesn’t like Nightwing

- the fact that Donna and Stephanie Brown aren’t friends and have never had a run together in canon (they should be- give me mentor-mentee vibes fr ong)

- Damian wants to become a doctor like his grandfathers and his mom <3

-the fact that Dick missed a solid portion of Damian’s development if you consider both spryal and the Ric arc to have happened in the same timeline

- Dick stole Bruce,babs and Damian’s super

- Garth, Dick and Donna are a sliding scale of blue to black costumes (they come in a set!!!)

- the fact I don’t have enough Dick and Garth fanon and canon content

- Jason/ Red hood needs an iconic establishing story like Nightwing year 1. I feel like Dixons Grayson is so easy to reference as like the “standard Grayson” before you add all the other (imo better) stuff from other future runs and tbh I don’t think Jason has any (if you disagree gimmie some recs)

- the fab 5 are called that in canon

- Garth didn’t have any friends pre joining the OG titans

- nightwing is on every Pride cover every damn year and he hasn’t kissed Roy or Wally yet? Sir? Plz

- Wally lost his wife and children multiple times in canon

- young Roy was bitter and wanted to compete with Robin!Dick but adult Roy wants to punch Bruce in the face bc he realizes bby Grayson was so abnormal

[voiddaisy]

jason todd being a book nerd in canon is so funny to me. like mf is a violent vigilante but chows down some pride & prejudice on his off time. he is such a silly goose (homicidal maniac)

[harbours-lighthouse]

JASON TODD IN A RELATIONSHIP

This man will drive you up the wall—particularly in the beginning of the relationship.

He’s not good at communication, considering that that was never present in his life before he died and after he came back to life. 

That being said, I do think he, in some sort of subconscious way, is aware that there’s no communication. 

He’s somehow balancing on the thin line of being overly emotional and emotionally unavailable (hence, he drives you up the wall). 

When you first start dating, it’s hesitant. Slow and uncertain. There are many incidents where Jason, in all of his emotional maturity, believes that you must hate him. So he stops texting you. No longer calls. Never visits. And you’re left waiting, tearing yourself up every night wondering where he is, what you’ve done, and what’s going to happen. 

And each time, he comes back (a bit like a stray cat), and he asks if you can try again. 

Continuously, you have to remind him that there’s no reason for you to hate him—however, if he keeps leaving you like that, then there won’t be any more ‘trying again’. 

That kicked him into gear a bit, and made him realise that you’re not going to let his insecurities ruin you, but you don’t want them to ruin him either. You’re there for him, and you don’t hate him for the things he does, or what he has done. 

Again, a bit like a skittish stray cat, he starts warming up to the idea that you’re fully accepting of him (though his doubt lingers). 

As your relationship progresses, the more he begins to regulate his moods and emotions. That being said, his issues with Bruce and the rest of the vigilantes easily tip him over the edge, and he’s said many things in anger to you that have resulted in tears and strangled apologies. 

But things do get better, though it takes time, quite a bit of reassurance, and…possibly a nudge to therapy.

To clarify, however, getting Jason into therapy would be one of the most difficult achievements of your life, but insanely worth it. The conversation would open up painfully, and you’d lay it out plainly for him: he needs help in ways that you can’t provide, and if he’s not willing to put in the effort, the relationship will fall apart. 

This man, despite all his flaws, knows that he loves you. So he does it, but it’s never with himself in mind, but you instead. 

That never changes, unfortunately. 

Now this might seem a little depressing (he’s a depressing character), there is a lot of good in your relationship still, which is why it works out in the first place. 

You’re kind, smart, beautiful, lovely in a unique manner that can only be attributed to you—but you’re fiercely aware of your boundaries, which in the long run, helps heal Jason. 

Through you, Jason learns about the consequences of his actions, learns that not everything that’s good in his life will be ripped out from beneath him. He learns that those who want to stay will stay. He learns through you that he won’t taint everything with his past and his struggles, and through you he begins to see his own strengths, rather than continuing to tunnel vision on everything that’s ‘wrong’ with him. 

In terms of how well the rest of the Bats will know you, it would depend on the person themselves. Jason will do everything in his power to keep you away from Bruce, that’s for certain, but he might not have a choice when it comes down to Dick, Babs, Steph, maybe even Duke, and Damian and Tim will meet you on a whim (you love them, though they’re all really weird).

And after the trials and tribulations of the relationship, the both of you know each other like the back of your hands. You’re as familiar to Jason as the backwater laneways of Gotham are, and you could recite everything that you know about Jason in your sleep. There’s no stone unturned, no flaw unexposed, no secrets kept hidden. 

You’re Jason’s favourite person, and if the effort he puts into keeping you by his side doesn’t make that obvious, I don’t know what will. 

top divider credit: @/saradika-graphics © harbours-lighthouse 2025 / i do not give permission for my work to be reposted, translated, or fed into ai. all works belong to me unless stated otherwise.

[thebibliosphere]

Sat too long in my feelings about the Gotham Knights video game Jason Todd going to therapy and trying to engage with his siblings from a place of healing and hurt myself, so now I'm inflicting this on all of you, but:

Do you ever think about how Jason only ever gets to experience Dick as an extension of the breakdown of Dick and Bruce's relationship at that time? Granted, depending on the comic era, Dick maybe doesn't show up as much as he should, or Jason acts like an antagonistic little shit, but overall, Dick's falling out with Bruce overshadows all of it.

And, like, yeah, it's funny to joke that only Jason knows that Dick went through a shitbag teenage phase and that no one ever believes him. (Gaslight, Gate Keep, Gotham ✌) And Jason is irate about it because how can they not see through what is clearly The World's Best Big Brother Act? How can no one else see it's fake?

(Unless it's not fake, and Jason just wasn't worth loving... No, fuck off, he doesn't care, he doesn't. Leave him alone.)

But at the same time, what if Jason's the only one who realizes it's a trauma response?

What if Jason's in the middle of a therapy session or reading one of the self-help books we see him ordering, and he just has to take a moment to breathe because, of course, it's a fucking trauma response. Of course, it is.

Dick's not pretending to be anything. He was, in fact, so severely affected by Jason's death that he over-corrected and now refuses to let himself be anything other than the Perfect Big Brother. Because he can't. Because when he's not perfect, when he's not there for them, they die.

Suddenly the golden retriever's cheerfulness is less grating and more worrying. Dick's need for perfection is less an annoying personality trait to compete with and more an exhausted cry for help that no one else seems to see. Not even Dick.

Because Jason realizes now that he might have never managed to live up to the Golden Boy mantle, but Dick will never get to put it down, either. Because he can't let himself. Because bad shit happens when he does.

So what if that's what he hopes Dick reads between the lines in the email he sends him in GK?

What if, by saying, "Hey, I realize now trying to hold myself to your standards was damaging my relationship with you, but I need you to know it wasn't your fault," was also Jason saying, "Hey, this shit isn't healthy are you fucking okay?"

[dollishmehrayan]

HOW BATBOYS COMFORT INSECURE READER ── .✦

a/n: I celebrated my birthday and i had a fun time and tysm to all the people who wished me a hppay birthday (a lot tbh I was shocked and so happy) but this was a request by @cup-of-doodles !! so yeah (enjoyy)

(Tags: batboys x insecure!reader)

DICK GRAYSON ── .✦

Compliments for Days: Dick would not hold back. “You think I look good? Sweetheart, you’re the real catch here.” He’d follow up with a series of exaggerated compliments, like, “If beauty were a crime, you’d be serving a life sentence.” And then yk he’ll be like your hype man of like this tiktok audio (here).

Goofy Distraction: To lighten the mood, Dick would do something ridiculously goofy, like pretending to be a terrible dancer and saying, “See, you’re already doing better than me.” He’d shimmy awkwardly across the room just to make you laugh but if you cry even more he might feel guilty.

Overprotective Vibe: He’d pull you into a hug, ruffling your hair. “You’re perfect the way you are, and if anyone says otherwise, I’ll literally punch them in the face. Just give me the word.”

JASON TODD ── .✦

Grumpy Compliment: He’d cross his arms and look you up and down, pretending to be unimpressed. “You’re lucky I love you, because damn, you’re fine as hell, and I can’t even look at you without getting distracted. It’s annoying.”

Jokes to Distract You: Jason would then casually add, “But if you keep saying you’re not perfect, I’m gonna start charging you for all these therapy sessions I’m giving you.” His face might be all grumpy, but the look in his eyes is soft, reassuring you.

TIM DRAKE ── .✦

Logical Support: Tim would approach it in his usual, logical way. “Okay, so you feel insecure about that? Let’s talk it through. Statistically speaking, you’re practically flawless, the ratio between your lips and eyes are perfect with your nose calculating right in the perfect spot.” He’d likely pull out a notebook, listing all the reasons you're amazing, with a dry, humorous commentary.

Techy Distraction: To cheer you up, Tim would start showing you funny memes or videos he’s saved. “See? This is how you should feel—unbothered and hilarious.” He’d give you his best attempt at a cute smile, which might look a bit awkward, but he means it.

Self-Deprecating Humor: He’d then add, “And if you still don’t believe me, let me know. I can hack into the Batcomputer and get a list of all the things you’re absolutely amazing at.” He’d wink, though you know he’s completely serious.

DAMIAN WAYNE ── .✦

Confused, but Caring: Damian would be initially confused by your insecurity. “What is this nonsense? You’re perfect.” He’d cross his arms, giving you a disapproving look. “You don’t need to change a single thing. If you insist on thinking otherwise, I’ll have no choice but to lecture you on your obvious superiority.”

Unintentionally Hilarious Comfort: In his usual serious tone, he’d continue, “Whoever made you feel insecure is an idiot, and I will make them regret it. Though, I’ll do it in a proper way, without any unnecessary violence—unless it’s truly necessary.”

Small Gesture: Despite his serious demeanor, he’d take your hand, pulling you closer with a soft, “You are the best thing in my life, and I will ensure you never forget that again.” (Then he’d mutter under his breath, “And if you need more reassurance, I’ll just have Alfred tell you how amazing you are again.”)

BRUCE WAYNE ── .✦

Stern, But Loving: Bruce would give you a soft, stern look, his voice gentle but firm. “You don’t get to think that way, not about yourself. Not ever.”

Overprotective Vibe: He’d pull you into a hug, patting your head like he’s telling you a secret. “If I’m going to let anyone be insecure, it sure as hell won’t be you.” His touch would be gentle, that way he makes sure you feel seen and heard.

Dry Humor: He’d add, “Now stop trying to make me talk more than I need to. But if it makes you feel better, I’m always here to remind you how amazing you are, even if I have to do it in my very limited free time.”

[siddyyyyyyyy]

Unhinged

Jason Todd x Reader

MDNI wc: 0.7K summary: your roommate finds your messages you send your friend about him. warnings: suggestive themes, no y/n used, actually kind of cringe a/n: my dear friend accidently gave me this idea while spamming me with delicious Red Hood edits (@dollyure), evidence will be shared at the end. enjoy!!

You never thought this could happen. You were so careful to leave your own thoughts to yourself and never let Jason see the things you tell your friend. But of course, nothing really goes your way for some reason.

It took one thing for you to end up in this situation. One thing. And that was leaving your phone unattented on the sofa for a minute. Unlocked.

It was a typical evening as any other, just getting to relax and wind down at the end of the week on your favourite spot at the couch with your roommate. Jason was always pretty quiet but respectful of the shared space, a good friend if you want to wind down together. You rarely get to see him in the evenings but on days like this, when he stays in, it feels like a small reward for you.

Of course he doesn‘t know about any of this. Doesn‘t know anything about what your silly texts between you and your friends. You keep it a secret pretty well, so he won‘t think you are a complete weirdo.

Well, until that evening. Setting your phone quickly aside to get to your boiling tea kettle, you forgot to lock it. Jason sits at the other end of the fluffy couch and watches how you scurry away to get the boiling water to a stop. With an amused grin he gets back to his book but keeps getting distracted by the bright phonescreen just a little away from him. Glancing over, he sees the outlines of text bubbles but he can‘t see what‘s written in there yet.

He isn‘t trying to pry or get into your privacy, but the way the other person spams you non-stop is making him more curious. Whatever this conversation is about, he wants to know if it‘s a conflict or some sort of gossip.

Jason checks if you are still in the kitchen and sees you preparing your tea and some sweets. He technically has enough time to snatch your phone while it‘s still open and gets to have a look over the texts. Who knows, maybe he will find out some interesting things on there. So, with these weak excuses, he grabs your phone and starts reading through them.

UNTIL YOUR TONGUE FADES COLOUR??? I mean every word I say. Wow. Just…

His brows furrow. What does this even mean? Are tongues even capable of fading colour? With a quick glance to the kitchen, he scrolls up, reading through the older messages.

From the couch, to the shower, to the bed, from the wall to the floor from missionary to cowgirl, straddled on top JUST LET ME HITTT

His jaw drops. Jason quickly composes himself and sits up, clearing his throat. He is sure he will need extra therapy after this. Ignoring the unfamiliar, warm feeling in his lower abdomen, he continues to read through them. Unsurprisingly, he finds a picture of himself in the chat. His profile picture, some random pictures he didn‘t even you had in the first place.

Until my throat memorises every vein.

That‘s the last message he sees from you before you appear in his sight again. Tea in hand, some cookies in the other. But most importantly, your flushed cheeks and regretful expression. His hand drops your phone and his cheeks also flush.

You can‘t look into his eyes anymore. This is the next worst thing that‘s ever happened to you so far. There is no way you can talk yourself out of this situation at all. He knows basically everything now. From the fact that you crush on him to the fact that you literally want to devour him whole.

Silently, he sets your phone back to its original spot and gets off the couch to stand up. Again, he clears his throat and speaks up first.

»I‘m gonna pretend I didn‘t see all this...«

And before you could apologise or say something to your defense, he is gone, retreating himself into his own room. Maybe even for the better, you can‘t imagine how awkward it would‘ve been if you were to sit next to him for the next few hours.

here is the so called evidence ( from my friends perspective)

and this was the final message that made me do this:

hope you enjoyed it somehow(★‿★)

part two

←MASTERLIST

[cupidsworstcrime]

Jason Todd x reader

just shooting the shit - takes place after First Time

no smut, just inappropriate

I like to think jason would take every opportunity to fuck with his brother, even at his own expense to a degree. and dick would vent to alfred cause WTF ... this is completely unserious and so ooc but it makes me laugh so who cares

Jason leans against the counter in the Batcave, sipping shitty coffee with a grin so smug Dick wants to slap it off his face.

“You’re in a good mood,” Dick says warily. "What's the word, Jaybird?"

Jason hums, he wasn't much of an over-sharer, but he loved torturing his brother. “Y’ever—like—realize you’ve been starving your whole life and then someone hands you a full course meal and says, ‘Here, baby. Eat up.’”

Dick blinks. “...What?”

“I folded like a paper crane, man.” Jason stares into his coffee like it’s a vision. “She took me home. Taught me how to fuck. Like I’m new. Which I am. I’m newborn fawn level. First time I came in, like, five seconds. Not even ashamed.”

Dick makes a face. “Jason. Come on, man.”

“Oh, it gets worse.”

“Please don’t.”

“She let me eat her out this morning,” Jason says, eyes wild. “First thing. Didn’t even brush my teeth. I woke up with her thighs around my face, Dick. I was so hard I nearly passed out.”

“Jason—”

“And she kept callin’ me good. Her good boy. I almost cried.”

Dick is walking away now.

“Dude,” Jason calls after him, still grinning. “I came so hard my leg cramped. That ever happen to you? No? Just me? Cool.”

Dick doesn’t stop walking.

Jason shouts: “SHE LET ME CALL HER MAMA!”

“STOP TALKING!!”

Alfred is setting tea on the table when Dick slams the kitchen door open, looking like he’s aged ten years.

“Master Richard?” Alfred blinks. “You look... unwell.”

Dick collapses into a chair and groans. “Jason. Jason is the reason I’ll need therapy.”

“I would say be more specific, but…” Alfred sighs and pours him tea.

“He’s happy,” Dick hisses. “And in love. And loud. I know so much about his sex life now, Alfred.”

Alfred pauses. “I see.”

“No. No, you don’t.” Dick slaps a hand on the table. “He told me she let him wake up between her legs. That he almost cried. That she called him her good boy. He said mama, Alfred. Mama.”

Alfred very, very calmly sips his tea.

“He told me he came so hard his leg cramped!”

Alfred clears his throat. “Well, that does sound… vigorous.”

“VIGOROUS?!”

“I suppose we should be grateful he didn’t come to me for advice.”

Dick looks like he’s going to scream. “He will. You know he will.”

Alfred sighs again. “Then I shall ensure the brandy is stocked and the cutlery drawer is locked.”

“Why the cutlery—?”

“Self-defense.”