#i think it's very helpful for people with ongoing depression

[weird-obsessed-girl]

Harry dealing with abuse trauma/people finding out about Dursley’s treatment

Ok so I didn’t know exactly how to word this particular genre of Harry Potter fanfiction, but I have been reading some fanfics where either the teachers, Sirius or the golden trio find out that Harry has been abused by the Dursley’s and how Harry deals or heals from that trauma. #cupboardreveal

so therefore below is a list of fanfics that deal with this topic, this is pretty obvious but TW for child abuse, some of these I haven’t read yet so i don’t think any of them feature active abuse, more so past abuse.

All of these will be angst but many with a hopeful/happy ending. Organised by word count. If you would like some fic recs that don’t focus on Harrys abuse here’s the link to my master list Harry Potter Fic Rec (mostly Drarry)

How Each Weasley Found Out About The Dursleys - burnthebodiesandbedonewithit

What it says on the tin, Harry/Ginny (very light tho), protective Weasleys | G | 1k

Food For Thought - LoveHP

Snape notices some things throughout the years, have not read yet so IDK | T | 1.2k

Bottle It Up - mallfacee

Disabled Harry, Severitus, hurt/comfort, hiding medical issues, apart of a series | T | 2.1k

Aftermath - CreateImagineWrite

Post-final battle, Harry is dealing with trauma, Ron helps him and finds out, Trigger Warning for food issues and trauma responses | G | 3.1k

Disguised as something else - aloneintherain

Everybody lives, au war ends early, Wolfstar custody of Harry, hurt/comfort, THIS IS SO GOOD #cupboard reveal | T | 3.1k

Muggle Management - LadyWinterlight, NerdyKat

Hermione recognises the signs of abuse, part of a series, Hermione finessing the muggle system | G | 3.4K

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell - IamShadow21

Not focused on past abuse but is mentioned, Ron and Harry friendship through the years | T | 3.7K

The Cupboard - GreenEyesGreySkies

Drarry, panic attack, harmless prank that turns out to not be so | T | 4K

Bruised Hearts and Painted Skin - mikimouze16

Lupin, McGonagall and Snape find out, therapy, depression | G | 4.4K

Cascade - taradiane

Drarry, post-Hogwarts, Harry has nightmares, discussion about the Dursleys | PG | 4.7k

Claustrophobic- Annie1025

Summer at Spinner’s End, sevitus, 5th year, hurt/comfort, panic attacks | T | 4.8k

Where the Sunbeams Start - zedpm

Sirius/Severus, Soulmate au which leads to Severus getting Sirius freed, then they adopt Harry! T | 7.1k

Locked Cupboards - Lomonaaeren

Redemption, Draco is assigned to guard Dudley, Dudley talks about their childhood | T | 7.2k

Darker Than You Think - Lomonaaeren

Drarry, Draco is very much a psycho, bent on revenge, dubious consent | M (definitely should be E) | 7.8k

Fac Mihi Viam - MistressKat

Canon divergence, Harry stays at Grimmauld Plac, abuse not necessarily discussed but implied, Wolfstar | T | 7.9k

The Uncle - copprbadge

Wolfstar, gangsters au, Remus saves Harry from Dursley’s | T | 7.9k

Tugging Sleeves - Windschild178

Harry isn’t responding to Rons letters, POV Ron, Ron to the rescue | G | 8.1k

Harry Potter And The Summer At Grimmauld Place - Silver_Queen_DoS

What it says on the tin, Sirius is free, home renovation, book 3 | G | 8.6k

Listen - Marchling

Need to sign into Ao3, Sirius spies on Dursleys, hurt/comfort, misunderstandings, reconciliation | T | 10.9k

Finite Incantatem - skullcandy11

Rogue spell hits Harry and reveals some truths, manipulative Dumbledore, Harry joins the dark side | T | 12.3k currently, ongoing

Scars - pheonixgirl26

Some Gryffindor’s see some of Harry’s scar, and decide to help | M | 12.5k

Timeshare - astolat

Honestly i have not read this yet but it looks promising, Harry is spending summer at the Dursleys and then the Malfoy’s | M | 14.1k

Seven Plus One - ABlackRaven

Sirius adopts Harry, 7 times Sirius is called uncle and 1 time he’s called dad, Peter caught, hurt/comfort | T | 15.4K

What’s Left Unsaid - angel74

Post-Order of the Phoenix, Hermione and Ron look into Harry’s life at the Dursley’s, angst, hurt/comfort | T | 16.1k

A Hero - Celebony

Dudley begins to see his family in a different light | T | 18.1k

The Lioness - Aya_Diefair

Molly becomes suspicious of Harry’s relatives, she visits them, BAMF Molly, Sirius is freed | G | 18.3k

That’s Your Punishment? - slytherclaw7

Molly actually asks Harry questions, this is definitely a fix-it fic, Sirius is freed, Peter is caught, Dumbledore bashing, Tonks family taking Harry in | IDK how fanfiction.net ratings work | 19k

Pinky Promise - etymolodrarry, huffinglepuff

Remus is observant, angst with happy ending, Dumbledore bashing, implied self harm, Wolfstar | T | 19.5k

Listen Now - mrsfizzle

Harry confides in Remus, hurt/comfort, Wolfstar adopts Harry, moving into Grimmauld | G | 21.2k

Conquering the Dark - noeon (noe)

Healer!Harry and neuromagic!Draco, both work together, unearths trauma | E | 23.7k

The Chamber of Secrets and Half the Adults are Idiots - Des98

Apart of a series, Drarry, Harry recognises Lucius’ treatment of Draco, fix-it, inter-house friendships | M | 42.8k

The Article - LeeASherlook

outed by the Daily Prophet (not in the gay sense), 6th year, Drarry friendship | T | 43k ongoing

Burnt - lastcrazyhorn

Disabled Harry, Slytherin!Harry, have not read so refer to tags | T | 104.9k

Memories and Dreams - paganaidd

Series, one part Dudley’s POV | T | 140.3k

Malfoy Family Values - belana, Merry1978

This only really mentions Harry’s mistreatment but i thought it is an interesting fic to possibly explore, Malfoys adopt little Harry | G | 141.7k

Stronger At the Broken Places - enigmaticblue

More so focus’ on Sirius’ trauma, but it’s a whole Wolfstar family affair | T | 174.9k

Digging for the Bones - paganaidd

Hogwarts starts screening students for abuse, Snape conducts Harry’s screening, Snape is Harry’s bio dad, Severitus | M | 212.2k

The secret language of plants - Endrina

Severus/Remus, Sev rescues toddler Harry, this is a series of Severus/Remus being Harry’s parents, pre-Hogwarts to post, future Drarry | rating varies | 373k

Innocent - MarauderLover7

Ok so this does not focus on Harry’s abuse but Sirius gets freed and raises Harry when he’s 8 | M | 487.5k

A Year Like None Other - aspeninthesunlight

Disability, slightly Severitus, 6th year, canon divergence, Snape forces Harry to read letter from Dursleys | T | 789.5k

[ldysmfrst]

American Mate (13) - Shall We?

Paring: Hybrid!BTS Ot7 x Plus-sized Human FemReader

Status: Ongoing series

Chapter number: 13 of unknown

Word count for Chapter: 9,681

Work count for Story: 96,460

Genre: Hybrid Playmate Au inspired by works created by @yoongiofmine

A little about the author: I am a mother of two beautiful children, one of whom has special needs, and the other loves everyone. I started a Patreon, and I would be grateful if you donated to help me make ends meet while I am out of work because I almost died in August of 2024.

Warnings: NOT BETA READ!! This chapter does have pack dynamics, comfort, possessiveness, angst, major mentions of past trauma, Violence, Loss of pregnancy, and Alpha fronting.

BTS HYBRID ANIMAL TYPES: Seokjin - Roan Ferret, Yoongi - Black Jaguar, Hoseok - Marten, Namjoon - Alaskan Timber Wolf, Jimin - Red Panda, Taehyung - White Southwest African Tiger, Jungkook - Flemish Giant Rabbit

AMERICAN MATE MASTER LIST / LDYSMFRST MASTER LIST

Knockknockknock

Startling you out of your depressing thoughts, you call out, “Who is it? I am in the bath still.”

“Ma’am, I am Bethan Ann, Omegan Alaskan Bear Hybrid and head of the preparation team. Prime Alpha Kim sent us to get you ready for the Gala. Whenever you are ready, please come out,” calls a sweet voice.

“Oh, is it really that time already?” you comment.

“Yes, ma’am but no worries, we have plenty of time. Prime Alpha Kim stressed the importance of going at your pace to ensure your relaxation,” Bethany Ann informs. “We will wait for you in the living room.”

You think whelp time for solitude is over as you climb out of the bath and dry off. You have to remember that in the future, you can ask the boys for anything, even alone time. They have told you that, and so has their manager, Sejin. 

After slipping on Namjoon’s robe, you cannot help but smile as the scent of leather blends with the vanilla from your bath. Surprisingly, it is a delightful mix. The vanilla softens the leather, offering comfort and a sense of safety. 

Namjoon is the leather boy of the group. Being a Prime Alpha, it makes sense that his scent is naturally stronger. It makes it easier for him to leave his scent behind as a show of possession and territory.

Walking out of the bathroom, a blush settles over your cheeks at the thought of having the Alaskan Timber Wolf hybrid claim possession over you. 

“Ma’am?” asks a younger woman standing at your doorway. “If you please, would you follow me to the living room? Bethany Ann thought that it would be easier for the Alphas of the house to watch you from there without being in the way.”

“Sure, but you won’t have to worry about them. Jimin and Yoongi know to stay out of the area,” you mention, following behind her.

“True, I believe it was the two of them that may have dragged the third one away,” she giggles.

“Oh? Third one? Jungkook?” Your confusion is showing.

“Ah yes, he wasn’t happy with Bethany Ann being present since she is of hybrid descent,” the young lady smiled softly. “He was worried about scent tainting, but Miss Bethany Ann doesn’t have any scent glands.”

“Yep, I was born with them but they weren’t very strong. My mother was human, and my father was a hybrid, which means I only got the smaller scent glands, fluffy hair, body structure, and strange sleeping habits,” Bethany Ann says as she joins the conversation. 

“Oh, I didn’t know that traits would pass down like that,” you say in awe. 

“There are more hybrid mixed humans out there than people are aware of. Many end up losing their physical animal features but keep some of the other behavioral or physical traits.” Bethany Ann smiles.

“How can you not have a scent but you have scent glands?”

Bethany Ann’s smile falters, but before you can withdraw your question, she says, “Bears have glands in either their hands or feet.  I ended up with skin cancer that spread to the scent glands in my feet. I was lucky enough that we caught it and removed the infected tissues before it got any farther.”

“Anyways, we are here to turn you from the pretty woman you already are into a gorgeous princess ready for her ball right?” Bethan Ann says as she has you sit in a salon chair. 

Everything before you that is set up on the vanity before you look brand new: makeup, jewelry, and hair pieces. Bethany Ann is the principal stylist and has two human assistants: Cindy and Kat. 

Bethany Ann oversees your makeup, Cindy works on your hair, and Kat deals with your nails. Soon enough, the three of you laugh, and it feels like you have known them for years. 

You learn that Bethany Ann met Cindy and Kat, a mom-and-kid duo rocking the Cosmetic industry, during BTS’s Love Yourself World Tour. They were set to go on the Map of the Soul tour, which got canceled. However, they got along so well and had an equal love for Ateez that they made their own line of cosmetics called MayNell.

You notice a purple, white, and silver trend in all of the choices. “I take it my dress is purple or white?”

“Ah, well we have a few choices for you that are either purple, white, silver, or black. Namjoon already has his suit ready and we will match his accessories to the color of your dress,” Bethany Ann informs you.

It seems time flies when you are having fun.

Kat, you had learned, is gender fluid, born female. Their mom, Cindy, was a widow and that “cat friend” that everyone had. Both were human but found themselves more comfortable around hybrids than anyone else. 

“Oh yeah, I… you guys were amazing. I feel great and relaxed because of you three,” you sigh. “I just wish I could see you again. Can we exchange numbers?”

“Oh of course! In fact, I am sure if you bat your eyes a little and let those boys know that you want us around we can find a way to become your primary team,” suggests Cindy. 

“Really?” You question with your hopes up as you hand over your phone. “I couldn’t flat out ask Namjoon for that. You have others to work on.”

“Actually, we are contracted. Which means we can take on any client we want, if the proposal to be your prep team comes by our desk…” Bethany Ann looks at the other two, “I don’t think any of us would be against it.”

Taking back your phone, you think about the proposal. Could you ask for that? You are just a Playmate. It’s not like you will be in front of the camera that often, right?

You got along with all of them, but Bethany Ann felt more like a sister, like how your Omega Evie felt. You could easily see her getting along with your family pack, but now wasn’t the time to add new members. 

You learned that as a hybrid descendant, she didn’t have a “predominant” second gender like full-fledged hybrids, but she identified as a Beta. When she was younger, she hated being a part of the hybrid “collective,” as she used to call it until she was an adult.

She got her college degree in fashion and cosmetics and started working under JYP. While working under JYP, she met several Idols and ended up working with StrayKids. She admitted that she now follows the hybrid culture because of one of the StrayKids members. This led to an almost hour-long session for all four of you about StrayKids. 

You confess that your Bias is Flix and your wrecker is Chan, which causes the others to almost fall off their chairs in laughter.

“Chan as in Bang Chan aka Christopher?” asks Bethany Ann.

“Well yeah, not Changbin though I used to get their names confused at the beginning because I knew Chan as Chris but that man has like so many names. I mean heck one of them even has numbers in it!.” 

You look at Bethany Ann as she continues to laugh but pulls out her phone.

She puts her phone on speaker, and you hear it ringing a few times before a voice comes on, “Hey, babydoll, aren’t you working right now?”

Your eyes turn to saucers as you hear the Australian accent in the voice over the phone. Involuntarily, you let out an unladylike gasp of “no way in hell” and cover your mouth, looking rapidly between the phone and the bear hybrid. 

“Hi Channie, I am at work and my client turns out to be a StrayKids stan,” she says with a giggle still in her voice.

“Oh, was that her in the background that I heard?” Chan asks. Of course, he would hear it. Like most idols, StrayKids has only two human members but Chan, the leader and Alpha, is a Tasmania Tiger-wolf hybrid.

Shaking your head, your eyes still unblinking, you attempt to stop Bethany Ann from bringing the phone closer to you. 

“You got it. Guess who her bias is?” teases Bethan Ann.

“Me?” questions the Aussie with a hilt of excitement.

“Nope sorry love. It’s Felix-ah. Is he nearby? Though maybe she could say hi,” inquires Bethany Ann.

“Nononononono,” you hiss quietly, “Bethany Ann… noo.”

However, to your luck(??), you hear Chan’s muffled yelling before he gets back on the phone, “Can I talk to the Stay, babydoll?”

You let out an undignified eek sound, which caused another laughing fit and a laugh from the phone: “Wait, wait… did you tell her?”

“Nope. Guess I should though. Y/n, Christopher is my mate. We found out the first time I worked with StrayKids, he courted me and it's been official for a little over a year.”

“Oh my god! My wrecker is Mated! I am sorry! I can pick someone else. I promise!”

Again, you are met with more laughter from everyone. “Babydoll, let me talk to my Stay.”

“You are on speakerphone, and her name is Y/n, and technically, she is Felix-ah’s Stay,” Bethan Ann says as she places the phone in your hand. You just look at it.

“Hello Y/n, I am Bang Chan, leader of StrayKids. Thank you for being a stan of my pack,” he says smoothly, his Aussie accent coming out the more he speaks. 

“Hi,” is all you can say. 

“You don’t have to worry about picking a different wrecker. Bethany Ann knows that I have people who like me. While I can’t say that I am happy to only be your wrecker, I can say that I am honored to have a fan who would respect my mate as well as you do.”

“Hey, Innie said you wanted me, Alpha?” A very deep-voiced Felix is heard through the phone, causing your breath to catch.

“Bethany called and wanted us to talk to someone. Here. Say hi and introduce yourself properly,” Chris says before you can hear the phone move around.

“안녕하세요, 저는 StrayKids의 Felix입니다. 잘 지내시죠?” the deep voice says. 

It’s at that moment you die. 

Like almost literally. 

It isn’t till Bethany Ann nudges your shoulder that you respond, “안녕하세요, Felix-ssi.”

“Oh, Y/n speaks Korean? She was speaking English,” you hear Chris comment in the back.

“Y/n, do you prefer English?” asks Felix.

You nod, then remember this is over the phone, “Ah yes, please. I know Korean... kinda but I am American so English is my first language. Icanspeakineitherwhicheveryouwantmeto.”

You hear a chuckle rumble over the speaker as Felix understands what he got brought into. Dropping his voice into his lower register, Felix asks,  “Y/n, you wouldn’t happen to be one of our lovely Stays would you?”

Your palms are sweating as you answer, “I am.”

“Hmm…” he almost growls. “I take it from Channie-hyung’s face that he isn’t your bias then?”

From the background, Chris comments, “I am her wrecker, at least.”

“That’s very nice,” Felix says, causing you to giggle softly. “I would think it would be even more nice if that meant… I was your bias, Y/n. Am I?”

“Ah huh,” you affirm, as you cannot believe you are even having this conversation.

 StrayKids is known for not working with any Playmate service companies, so you knew you would only get to meet or talk to them if you could only find a way to afford a fan meet or a send-off.

“Well now you at least have talked to us, Y/n.” Felix states.

“Shit. I said that outloud?” you question, looking around only to have the team trying their best not to die from laughter.

“Yes, you did, but that is okay, you're mine, and any friend of noona’s is a friend of ours,” the blonde Aussie says.

“Careful now, Felix-ah. Y/n-noona is Bangtan’s newest Playmate and my client. So keep the flirting to a minimum thank you,” Bethany Ann playfully scolds the boy. 

“Alright, noona, I will behave, but you have to find a way for her to come see us. I would still love to meet her,” says Felix with a whine.

“That is if she can get away from Bangtan Pack,” Chris pipes up.

“두 분이 계시네요,” another voice joins in . “이제 행사장으로 갈 시간입니다.”

“Okay Innie,” Felix agrees. “Oh wait, INNNNIIEEE.”

“뭐가 필요하세요, Lix?” the voice, now known as Innie, says.

“Say hi to my Stay Y/n-noona,” Felix instructs. “In english.”

“Oh. Hi noona! I am Jeong-In. You may be Lix’s stay for now but don’t worry. I will save you!”

“Yah!!!” you hear before a clattering noise takes over. 

“Jeong-In-ssi, Felix-ssi, Chan-ssi???!!!” you exclaim.

“Got it!” Chan says, picking up the line. “Innie always tries to convince Felix's stans to fall for him instead. No worries, noona. It’s all fun and games. But yeah, you should come see us one day,” Chris affirms.

“I hate to cut this short but we really do have to get over to MusicBank. Babydoll, you know what to do. See you when you get a chance,” Chan says before the line goes dead.

“I cannot believe you!” you playfully slap Bethany Ann’s shoulder. “I was not prepared! Like you cannot just call up someone like that!”

“Sorry, but I couldn’t help it after your 5- —or was it a 10-minute speech about why Chan is the best leader and how amazing Felix was for persevering,” Bethany Ann smiles at you and goes back to getting you ready.

(NOTE: If you would like to see what is being described, please go to American Mate- LACMA Gala with Namjoon)

After trying on a few gorgeous dresses, your heart stuttered in your chest when you tried on a specific purple one. Purple had always been your favorite color, and you had your fair share of purple dresses, but this… this was something else. 

It was a Fongt African Evening Maxi Dress, allowing you to move comfortably while showing off your natural shape.

There was a peephole in the chest area that was not very provocative. According to Bethany Ann, “You gotta keep it classy but still appealing.” 

The sleeves had a slit from neckline to wrist with one strip of cloth allowing it to still move with your arms just above the bend of your elbow. 

The cuffs were lined with satin and pearls, which you learned were real when they matched with beautiful dangle earrings with a flower resembling the bracelet that Seokjin gave you. 

Your shoes were made of white satin and wrapped around genuine pearl ankle straps. The heels were high enough to be a heel but still comfortable to walk in, but what they did was elongate your leg when you stepped forward, and the slit in the skirt of the dress opened to just above the knee. 

Your makeup was done with a dramatic black winged liner, purple eyeshadow to match the dress, and white accents to pull more pearl and satin into your look. Your lips were kept natural with a simple satin-speckled gloss.

Your nails were painted an almost hombre look, going from white tips to deep purple and an almost matching satin-speckled topcoat. 

Finally, your hair was curled, re-curled, and pinned within an inch of your life, but it looked amazing. It flowed like a river in soft waves down one side of your head. Somehow, they gave you volume and fake bangs, which you could never do on your own. 

“All done,” announces Bethany Ann.

Ring Ring

“Hello?” you answer your phone.

“Y/n, it’s Namjoon. Jen should be there with the car shortly. Are you almost ready to go? Did MayNell do well?”

“Yes, they were amazing. I haven’t had this much fun getting ready for a Gala in my life,” you say, smiling at the team. Movement behind them catches your attention as you see Jen approach.

“Oh, Jen is here now. I have to go, Namjoon. I will see you soon.”

“Really quick hand the phone to one of the team, please, before you go,” instructs Namjoon.

“Bethany Ann, he wants to talk to one of you,” you say, holding out the phone. A series of Yes, Prime Alphas, that won’t be a problem, understood, and humms come from her while you wave hello to Jen. 

The conversation isn’t long and ends with Bethany mumbling something about it being in the trunk before she hangs up and hands you back the phone. 

“It looks like we will be seeing you again, as we will be on stand-by at the Gala for last-minute touch-ups and maintenance throughout the night,” she says with a smile. The other two clapped excitedly as they piled up the used makeup so they would know what to use for later tonight.

“Miss Y/l/n, we should get going soon. Prime Alpha Kim is already on location,” Jen informs you.

Nodding, you make your way to follow Jen, waving goodbye to the team. Once outside, you see that it’s the same black car that was used for your date with Seokjin. Carefully making it down the stairs to the car, you hear a cat call coming from behind you. 

Spinning around, you see Yoongi still whistling at you, and Jimin and Jungkook join in with hoots and hollers.

“Who is that sexy beast?” Jimin calls out, causing you to blush.

Jungkook is snapping probably a trillion pictures while he yells, “Work with me, pose, and pose. Now Vogue!”

“Have a lovely night, Princess,” Yoongi calls out while holding onto the back of his younger mates to keep them from running after you like he wants to.

The drive is calming, Jen, having put on 104.3 MyFm. The pop songs allow you to just live in them for now. 

You thought you would be more nervous about tonight than you really are, but Bethany Ann, Cindy, and Kat made you feel comfortable, and the boys made you feel wanted. 

Even if they were a bit dorky about it. 

With that, your mind wanders to the rest of the boys. They all knew that you were nervous about tonight. It wasn’t just the Gala with the dancing, tons of famous people, and the media that was making you nervous– it was Namjoon.

Sure, you went on a non-date date with Seokjin, which felt more like an actual date than any you had ever been on, but that was with Jin. Someone closer to your age, not the Prime Alpha of a sizeable mate-bonded pack, and someone not powerful enough to make or break your career. 

Prime Alpha Kim Namjoon was. 

Looking out the car window, you see you are on a beautiful winding road, not the busy streets you expected.

“Jen, where are we?”

“We are almost there, Miss. Prime Alpha Kim is waiting for you just ahead,” she responds with a smile.

Turning around a final bend, you see the unmistakable dome of the Griffith Observatory. When you first got to California, you used to come here all the time. You can see a few spattering groups of people, but it was fall and getting colder earlier, so there weren’t many. 

After Jen parked the car, she got out and opened your door. Guiding you around the side of the building, you see a few men in suits blocking a path for visitors, but allow the two of you in. 

“He is right down this path, Miss,” Jen instructs. “The car will be waiting and ready to head to the Gala when you are finished.”

“Thank you, Jen,” you say as you walk down the path around the left of the main building.  

Once you come around the last of the curve, you see a stunning view of Los Angeles. The sun is starting to set, which is casting a red and orange tint on the skyscrapers. You can see the lights from homes and offices turn on, making it look like the sky has blessed the ground with stars, but that isn’t what falters your steps.

Right now, you see him. 

Namjoon. 

He was observing the same setting sun with his back to you. He looked like a king looking over his kingdom, and his power and presence exuded from his very being. 

100% Alpha.

His suit isn’t the one from this morning—no, no. It’s solid white from top to bottom, and against the bleeding colors of the sun, it makes him look stunning. His broad shoulders and solid back look like they could carry the world. The suit jacket accentuates his waist. The pants—wow, the strain of the material emphasizes the musculature beneath them.

Absent-mindedly, you have continued to walk forward with timid steps, and the slight breeze from behind you carries your scent to the Prime Alpha before he hears you. 

With a quick turn, he faces you with a smile that turns to awe and shock as he takes you in. He knew you were beautiful before, but now, “You look like an angel.”

You shy at his words as you join him, “You are the one in all white, Namjoon. You look more like an angel.”

Upon hearing your words, a faint blush dusts his cheeks. Clearing his throat, he genuinely smiles at you, dimples and all, “I could never be an angel, but you sure could be mine.”

“Thank you,” you accept his compliment with your own responding blush. 

Looking past him to gather your thoughts, you smile again at the view, “It’s so pretty up here. Isn’t it? I used to come here all the time.”

“I know,” he comments, causing you to look at him with a furrowed brow. “I may have asked your Beta, where your favorite spot in the city was. I hope you don’t mind?”

“Looking into me, I see,” you tease. “I don’t mind. I think it’s sweet that you were interested in knowing and wanting to surprise me. Brownie points for caring.”

Your last comment now draws a look of confusion from him: “Has no one ever brought you here before?”

Walking up to the railing, you debate how much you want him to know before the Gala. This would be the best time to discuss things with him before he goes from Namjoon to RM.

“I... I don’t have much experience in this, Namjoon,” you start. “Everything I tell you tonight, you should tell Bangtan.”

Without waiting for his agreement, you continue, “After moving to California when I was 11, I pretty much became an only child with a controlling but distant mother. I learned what it meant to be a family or a pack from Evie’s family.”

Namjoon joins you at the railing. His body turned to face you, his attention on nothing else. Glancing at the intensity of his focus, you pause and focus back on the slowly darling sky.

“I learned in high school that touching, hugging, cuddling was equal to whoring since I wasn’t a hybrid. So when a boy or girl would become comfortable with any of it, I took it as if they wanted to be with me.”

“How wrong I was,” you sigh out. Namjoon, having moved closer to you while slowly pushing his calming leather scent into the air.

“I dated a few times. According to my mother, I slutted my way through the short time I was in college till I ended up meeting Eric. I thought he was going to be my forever.”

It takes everything within Namjoon to keep his Alpha at bay while you talk about being with someone else. You are their mate and no one else’s. How dare someone lie to you about you being theirs.

At your silence, Namjoon tentatively takes a step forward and places a hand on your shoulder, “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, Y/n.”

“I know, but with you being the Prime Alpha of the pack, there are things you should know.” 

Taking a deep breath and leaning into Namjoon’s touch, you feel your nerves settle down a little bit more. 

“Eric was fantastic at first. He even helped my mother when she was ill and bought her a condo when we decided to move in together. Mom was thrilled that I was not only with someone from a societal class, but he wasn’t a hybrid. He was so kind, respectful, attentive, but that changed. At first, I thought it was me. I didn’t make dinner on time. I was being flirty with the waiter. I dressed improperly for the occasion.”

“It started with underhanded comments and backward compliments. It wasn’t long before it turned into leaving bruises from harsh grips to busted lips from getting slapped and the occasional twisted ankle from him pushing me out of his way.”

“I was with him for almost ten years because I thought he loved me. Why would anyone who didn’t love me buy me gifts and sleep with me if they didn’t love me? Right?”

You wipe the tears that start falling, only to have Namjoon hand you a handkerchief, “oh thank you.”

“I am sure you saw in the medical portion of the contract that I had a miscarriage, right?” you question, turning to face him.

Not trusting his words, Namjoon only nods in confirmation. His Alpha is eerily quiet now, waiting for your following words.

“I had found out that I was pregnant. Seven weeks along. I was so happy because it would explain why I constantly felt exhausted and nauseous. I just knew that this news of a baby would make Eric elated and then we could get married and he would treat me better because I was carrying his baby.”

By this point, your lip is trembling, your breath is stuttering, and your skin is hot from the turmoil of emotions, but you knew Namjoon had to know, not only because of the contract but because of his pack. He needed to know that you had so much more baggage than what the contract said. 

They all needed to know that you were broken and worthless.

“So I made his favorite dinner, wore his favorite pink dress, and waited for him to return home from work. I waited… and waited… and waited but ended up falling asleep at the dining room table before he got home.”

“He finally came home late that night, almost 2 am, and yelled at me for wasting food. He was slightly buzzed and had gone out with the boys. I of course apologized but told him that I had something special to share.”

“So I told him,” looking down at my nails, my throat so tight it is almost impossible to speak, I try to continue, “He wasn’t happy. He punched me for the first time that night. Right in the stomach. Then he grabbed my purse, took me by my hair to the stairwell, and pushed me down it.”

“The whole time, he was screaming at me about how ugly I was, how fat I was, how worthless and pathetic I was. He threw me my purse and told me to get rid of the devil’s pawn that I was carrying.”

“I ran and ran. I don’t remember calling Evie. I don’t know how she found me and got me to the hospital. But she did. I ended up with two fractured ribs, an ankle sprain, and a miscarriage.”

Next thing you know, Namjoon is pulling you into a hug. His large form engulfs you in leather and vanilla scents, a soft growl rumbling in his chest, and he just holds you like you will fall apart if he lets go. 

“It broke me,” you mumble into his chest. “I moved into my flat, brought Derek into the pack, and took time healing.”

Pushing slightly on his waist, Namjoon slowly releases his hold. Looking at you, you can see his eyes hold pain and anger for what you have gone through, but there is something else. It isn’t pity. It almost looks like awe.

“Namjoon, I haven’t been with anyone since,” you say, hoping he understands what you mean. 

Rubbing his hands up and down your arms, you see the thought process: “That is… he caused… skinship. This is why you are hesitant about skinship outside your family pack. The one person you allowed to be close to you with skinship destroyed the meaning and true purpose behind it.”

“Angel. Y/n. I don’t mean to be rude, but he is an asshole. He is worse than but, but,” growl. “I don’t want to rant. Thank you for telling me all of this. I can see why you have reacted to the pack as you have so far.”

Namjoon takes a moment to look at the now-set sun and the night skyline before continuing.

“First off, Angel, you are not broken; you are beautiful. Bangtan is so lucky to have such a strong and fierce woman to be with. Secondly, there is nothing wrong with not being with anyone else after going through what you have been through and we are not going to force you to do anything that you are not comfortable with.”

“But the contract said..” you start, but Namjoon cuts you off.

“I know what the contract says, and we are sticking to it. You don’t have to be the world’s best at skinship. Skinship takes time, trust, comfort, and connections. Omegas are naturally prone to want skinship, Betas see it as a way to regulate the pack but Alphas do it out of desire and want.”

“Yoongi-hyung wants to be your safe space, Jungkook-ah desires to be your happy place, and the rest of us are right there with them. We weren’t lying when we told you that you are special to us, but we just need you to see if we are special to you as well. In time.”

Taking in a deep breath, you shudder as you look him in the eyes. “Derek told me to heal and see where this all goes before he left the meeting yesterday. I know now that he was talking about more than just my wrist.”

“And are you okay with that?”

“I…I think I am.” Your statement draws a stunning smile from the wolf hybrid, “but. But… it’s still going to take time. I mean just today Jungkook and Taehyung barely kissed and I felt like I was watching a private moment.”

“It was a private moment but it was a private moment they wanted to share with you, Angel,” says Namjoon. “In front of the cameras, Bangtan pack is very playful, like on Run BTS, or stoic, like at Awards. However, behind closed doors… Bangtan is very affectionate. Sometimes, the younger ones can get a bit lustful and I have to shove them behind closed doors because it’s too much for even me.”

You giggle at the thought of locking the trio in a closet or “Have you ever tried a bucket of ice water?”

That pulls a hearty, honest laugh out of the Prime Alpha, “That would be very funny, but no, we haven’t. Jinnie-hyung would hate getting the packhouse wet like that.”

Taking your hands with seriousness on his face, Namjoon says, “Y/n, I will let the rest of the guys know what you told me. I will do my best to ensure that none of them hunt down this Eric person.”

“But I want you to be ready for them to comfort you, to want to hold you, to show you what skinship is supposed to mean. Also, be aware that if we don’t want you involved in our private moments, as you call them, we wouldn’t do them while you are there.”

You smile softly, and something inside you vibrates with almost excitement about being able to feel all of these things again, even though it still scares you a bit. “Well, you don’t have to worry about Eric. Evie and Derek, even before he was a pack member, had been collecting documentation and evidence of Eric’s abuse, and now he is in jail. He isn’t getting out because there were others before me.”

Stepping away from him, you glance at the sparkling city below. “Even though this chapter of my life started with a minor disaster, I think it will be a journey worth taking.”

“And you have seven men to take it with you, even step of the way,” Namjoon says, stepping up behind you and placing his hands on your shoulders, observing the sights below.

You learned more about Namjoon's family pack, his underground rapping start in the music world, and some funny stories about their first few years as BTS before they became famous.

By the time you had to leave for the Gala, any and all nerves about being around Namjoon had vanished. He was super intelligent, caring, and thoughtful. 

You just felt calm around him.

He offered you his arm as you walked back to the car, which you were grateful for since it had turned chilly with the night sky. 

“Angel, I have something for you,” Namjoon says as he points to a purple and white bag one of the guards at the trail entrance holds. 

He reaches inside and pulls out a lovely satin and lace bundle. Shaking it out, you see that it is a cloak!

You reach out to take it from him only to get it pulled away, and Namjoon wraps it around your back with a flourish.

“I had this made for you after I heard how well your date with Jin-hyung went. I wanted you to join me tonight, and I knew what I would be wearing, so I wanted us to match.”

He continues talking as he ties the cloak in place, “It’s made of thicker satin around the shoulders because I heard you get cold quickly, and the lace is made in the design of our Smeraldo flower which symbolizes love and hope.”

Wrapping yourself tighter in the folds of the cape, you can’t help but feel like the material is hugging you back. “It's lovely, Namjoon. Thank you so much.”

“It also has a hood, but I don’t want to ruin your hair.”

After driving to a preparation area, you meet with Bethany Ann, Cindy, and Kat. All three rush to fix your make-up and playfully scold Namjoon for making you cry. 

When you try to explain that you were the reason for crying, they still playfully scold Namjoon for allowing you to discuss matters that made you cry. 

They also do a bit of makeup on Namjoon, transforming him from handsome to devastating. Yeah, you won't survive them all in makeup and suits. 

Nope.

After adding a purple pocket square, amethyst cufflinks, and button covers (you didn’t know that was a thing) to Namjoon's look to match you more, Bethany Ann deems you ready for the Red Carpet.

You are escorted to a different car with extremely heavily tinted windows. Jen is still your driver but is now in an all-black pantsuit with purple and white satin accents. 

You guess it is a BTS image thing to be all matchy-matchy.

The drive to the Gala is relatively short but still long enough for your nerves to try to kick in. 

Namjoon is holding your hand while scrolling on his phone, “Well, it looks like the news broke about you being our new playmate.”

You reactively squeeze his hand tighter.

“It seems like many are supportive of it because we are on tour, and they hope you can comfort us,” he smiles down at you with moon eyes. “Army already loves you and after tonight so will everyone else.”

The car stops, and you can see the flashing lights through the tinted windows. Both of you take a few deep breaths.

 “Ready?” he asks. With your nod, he knocks on the window, and Jen opens the door. 

The next eternity is spent getting blinded by flashing lights and being asked an excessive number of questions that you can barely hear. Namjoon, thankfully, noticed your anxiety. Bending to whisper in your ear, “Don’t worry about answering these questions, just ignore them.”

Well, you thought before that you were getting blinded and bombarded… now it was 100 times more than that just because of the whispering.

Finally, you go to areas where panels and cameras are set up. You notice a few Hollywood Stars, like Dakota Johnson from 50 Shades of Grey, Lil Nas X, who stopped to say hello to Namjoon, and even Kate Capshaw with Steven Speilberg.

You had lived in Los Angeles long enough to conduct yourself properly around the Hollywood Stars and not embarrass yourself or the name of BTS.

Soon, it was time for the interviews. Thankfully, most of the questions were geared toward Namjoon. The random few that were asked of you could be answered simply. Some interviewers made you laugh, while others were more serious, and Namjoon would step in and take over if they got too pushy or personal.

You were concentrating on the cameras and the questions so much that you missed how Namjoon’s attention was on you any time you spoke up. His pride in your strength to not waver or fumble your words was amazing. 

You were perfect. 

You were his angel.

The eternity you felt in the Red Carpet turned out to only be about 45 minutes.

“Well, that went smoother than what I thought. It’s not so bad and kinda easy now that I look back on it,” you comment once inside the Gala.

However, the groan and the headbutt on your shoulder contradicted your feelings, “Namjoon? Are you okay?”

Holding on to your shoulders with his nose at the nape of your neck, Namjoon breathes in your sweet pea scent laced with god knows how many emotions. His Alpha is back to clawing his way forward, wanting to get your scent to stabilize.

“Namjoon?”

“Hello, is everything okay?” A woman’s voice asks. Looking up, you see it is none other than Jennie from BlackPink.

“안녕하세요, Jennie-ssi. Umm.. I think everything is okay but umm,” you look over your shoulder as best as possible, only to be met with a deep growl. “Okay, maybe everything is not okay.”

“Your Y/n, right? The new Playmate for Bangtan pack?” 

“Yes, I am. My word travels fast,” you smile and attempt to bow in greeting again to be growled at by the Prime Alpha at your neck. 

“Miss Y/n, I don’t know if you know this, but I am a Siamese Hybrid and your Alpha is not happy with your unsettled scent… I think,” she states with a look of concern.

“Oh! Well, I don’t have a good handle on my scent. Umm.. Do you know if they have hybrid rooms for situations like this?”

“Yes! They do… umm, hold on,” she says as she walks over to another man, and they talk in rapid Korean. 

Soon, they both return to where you are, but now Namjoon has decided to band his arm around your waist, keeping you closer than before.

“Hello, I am Lee Jung Jae, human, but I know where the rooms are. Please come with us. We already told Jennie-ah’s manager to let Namjoon-ah manager know where you two are going,” the man says.

Following them down the hall and around a corner, you see a few rooms labeled “Hybrid only.” 

“Oh, 감사합니다 선생님! Thank you for all your help,” you smile, hoping they will excuse you for not bowing.

Jennie holds the door open for you, “I haven’t seen him act like this since Jungkook-ah joined the pack. It’s a good thing, you don’t have anything to worry about. Just take 5-10 minutes to relax and everything will be fine.”

Nodding in understanding, you shuffle the two of you into the dimly lit room. There is a desk with a chair and a small couch. Couch it is. 

“Alpha? Alpha, can we sit down, please?” you ask, moving toward the couch. 

You feel Namjoon move his head, hoping he is looking around the room. When he still doesn’t verbally respond, you try another tactic. 

“Alpha, my feet are hurting. Can we please sit together on the couch?”

That works.

Before you finish the sentence, Namjoon pulls you to the couch. Taking a seat, he grabs at your hips and sits you down on his lap. His arms curl around you, and his eyes, now a lovely forest green, observe your expressions.

“Hello, Alpha Joon. Are you going to be alright?” you ask while casting your eyes downward. You remembered something about eye contact and wolves not being an intelligent thing to do.

“Your scent is everywhere,” Alpha Joon replies, which shocks you since it's not the stilted speech you have heard from Alpha Yoon and Alpha Chim.

“Oh, well, yes. I suppose it is because this is a new experience for me,” you smile as you remember the reassuring touches from Namjoon during the whole thing. “Alpha was very helpful in keeping me safe and not panicking. Thank you for your attention Alpha Joon.”

The compliment pulls a smile from the wolf hybrid, “It’s my job as Prime Alpha. Need to calm your scent. Sweet pea. Angel’s sweet pea.”

Adjusting how you sit on his lap, Alpha Joon gips on tighter, but you smile and move a little bit more, allowing you to lean against the arm of the couch while still leaning on his chest.

“I should be fine soon, Alpha Joon. I actually enjoyed walking the carpet with you.”

“Too many were watching you. Lots of people were flirting with you and with what you shared earlier… I guess my Alpha was just in protection mode or something,” he grumbles, resting his head on yours.

“Oh, you are silly, Alpha. They are just doing their jobs. You saved me when it got uncomfortable, but everything is fine now. We just get to enjoy dancing and stuff now.”

The room is silent when you feel a large puff of air on your head, “Sorry about that, Angel. My Alpha has been trying to front since the observatory. I guess your mixture of emotions was too much,” the wolf hybrid says.

You tilt your head to see his eyes return to their darker brown color, “No worries, Namjoon. I am just glad that Jennie-ssi and Jung Jae-ssi were around to help find this room,” you smile at him, still looking between his eyes. “Your Alpha’s eyes are pretty, by the way.”

“Thank you. The green is a rare color but the pack says it makes sense because it takes a rare breed to be a Prime Alpha.”

“I would agree with them. Your Alpha also has better speech than the others so far.”

“Ah yes, that is also part of why I am the Prime Alpha. It allows for me to be understood in order to protect my pack.”

“Make sense. Now, do you think you are ready to head back out? I am sure Manager Sejin is worried by now.”

“I am, if you are or we could just go home… if you wanted to?”

“I would like to stay. I haven’t been to a Gala with a dance floor in a while and it looks like fun.”

Now that you didn’t have a leeched on Alpha, walking inside the venue was like walking into a fairytale. Beautiful works of art were tastefully displayed everywhere you looked. 

Those attending looked like they walked off the catwalk from New York or Milan’s fashion week. Quietly, you thank whatever powers that be granted you the talented team to make you look like you might be able to fit in with this elegant crowd. 

Before taking a seat, you were able to spot Jennie and Jung Jae, give them a quick thumbs up, and say thank you again for all their help. 

The evening's events started with Michal Govan and Eva Chow’s speeches about LACMA and why we were all here. They were followed by tributes to Amy Sherald, Kehinde Wiley, and even Steven Speilberg. A short film by someone you had never heard of but now were interested in was shown. 

Next came the dinner. 

Shit dinner! 

How would you avoid being rude and eat the food without knowing what was in it? Gourmet meals at these high-flaunting Shindigz never look like what they are made of.

As if sensing your internal panic, Namjoon squeezes his hand over yours. You glance up at him, your concern showing in your eyes, but before you can say anything, he leans over and says, “Are you worried about the meal?”

Nodding you, lick your lips, trying to figure out how to explain to Namjoon how you could… could… maybe hide in that room again til dinner was over?

Watching your tongue wet your lip, Namjoon smiles at the nervous habit you share with a particular mate. “It’s okay, angel. The seats are assigned, and they know your restrictions.”

Instant relief comes from his words. You should have known. They have told you many times that they will take care of you. He has told you that he will take care of you. 

Maybe it’s time to start believing them.

Smiling brightly at the Prime Alpha, you turn over your hand and lock your fingers with his. You hope this conveys gratitude for the precautions and attentiveness during such a grand event. 

Namjoon's eyes widen at your movement, now focused on your intertwined hands. His mate is holding his hand, not out of need but because his new mate wants to. 

At that point, a strong wave of vanilla comes over the Prime Alpha, the mate bond. It’s forming between the two of you. He can feel the pull now. He didn’t destroy the bond before it got a chance to start with his proposition. 

He may be known as the God of Destruction; however, when it comes to his mates and you, he will never allow any breaks.

The rest of the program was relatively interesting but boring. There were performances and more tributes, but once that was over… the party was on!

A famous DJ took over for the small, formal orchestra-like band that had been playing in the background. He played music from all around the world. 

Namjoon danced with you as best he could. That man almost had two left feet, which caused you to laugh never-endingly.

“How?!? Namjoon! How can you be so bad at dancing?”

“I can dance! I have only stepped on you twice and that was because you were doing some kinda fancy thing that I hadn’t seen,” he huffed but still danced along with you until you abruptly stopped in your tracks.

“Hey, you almost got stepped on agai…” Namjoon stops talking and takes in your wide eyes and blushing(?) face. 

You aren’t looking at him; you are looking past him. Turning around to see what you are looking at, he sees nothing but other guests. Looking back at you again, he notes that you are watching something or someone moving. Trying to track what you see, it hits him… Lee Min Ho. You are watching Lee Min Ho.

Stepping behind you, placing his hands on your hips, Namjoon leans into your ear, “Should I be jealous that your eyes are on another man? Not only that but Tae-ah’s good friend Lee Min Ho?”

You snap your attention back to Namjoon, “Friends? You know Mr. Lee? Wait… jealous?”

Chuckling to himself, Namjoon looks back at the famous Korean Actor and whistles, catching his attention. A smile blooms on Min Ho’s face at seeing Namjoon, and heads towards the two of you.

“Namjooooonnn! Why did you do that?” you harshing whisper through your own toothy smile. 

Whispering in your ear again, “I thought you would want to say hi to someone you clearly know of.”

“Min Ho-hyung! I didn’t know you were going to be here tonight. It’s good to see you. How is the pack search going?” Namjoon greets the stunning actor with a hearty handshake-guy hug thing. 

You move out of the way, and your brain is awed to see him up close. You can handle Hollywood stars because they are everywhere, but foreign stars… that is a whole different thing because they don’t come here often. 

You accidentally watched him film a little for his show The Inheritors back in 2012 or something. That is when you first noticed him, but since most of his stuff was on streaming channels you had to pay for, you didn’t watch many things until recently.

Namjoon noticed your movements but continued to speak with his friend to let you relax or fangirl out. 

“Joon-ah, may I ask who this lovely creature is?” Min Ho asks, turning his attention to you.

With a prideful smile, Namjoon introduces you, “This angel, is Y/n. She has graced me as my date for the Gala tonight.”

Attempting your best to maintain professionalism, you smile and respectfully bow, “만나서 반갑습니다, 선생님.”

“Oh, you speak Korean?” Min Ho says with a shock, “Joon-ah you did find a gem for tonight. Tell me, Y/n, how does it feel to dance the night away with this clumsy wolf?”

“Yah! I am not that bad,” exclaims Namjoon.

You giggle out, “It’s not bad. He keeps shying away from the classic dances with too much footwork but then again I think my feet are grateful for that.”

“I am not shying away from classical dances. I just don’t know much about ballroom forms. Besides, the band is there to give the DJ and guests breaks from dancing like we are now. That’s all,” Namjoon defends himself. 

“Guest breaks? And here I thought I was the oldest one,” you tease.

“You ballroom dance, Y/n?” asks Min Ho. 

Looking at the actor, you can’t tell if he is asking because he doesn’t think someone of your size can ballroom dance, or he is honestly curious.

“Yes, Mr. Lee. I have been trained in multiple ballroom dance techniques, but I prefer to compete in either a classic Waltz, Salsa, or Tango. " Your face sets into a defensive mask. “I wouldn’t expect anyone to guess that. Besides, it's not like those dances are very popular anymore.”

A look you are not sure of what it means flows over his face. “Joon-ah, you know it is rude to deny a lady her request to dance. Since you won’t be joining her, I will,” he says, stepping closer to you. He bows.

“Miss Y/n, I would very much like to have this dance with you,” he asks.

You stand there shocked, your mind trying to grapple with the fact that A)Lee Min Ho just asked you to dance, B)Namjoon is right there, and C) LEE MIN HO just asked you to DANCE!

Before you can accept or deny the request, the band starts up with a piece you recognize as Underground Tango by Goran Bregovic. The actor takes your hand, pulling you to the center of the floor.

“Mr. Lee. Mr. Lee, I..” you try to say before he pulls you into the classic Tango hold.

Bending down to your ear, he says, “Namjoon is a little slow when it comes to taking what he wants. Dance with me but watch him. Let’s see how long it takes before your Alpha fronts.”

You glance at Namjoon and see that he is, of course, watching you. You're his date, so why wouldn’t he? 

“Shall we?” Min Ho asks before he takes the first step into the dance. 

Your eyes automatically return to Min Ho’s, and your body falls into the dance like it was meant to be there. 

The Tango is an intimate dance with constant body contact and wordless communication between the dancers. It requires concentration to perform well, and at this highly publicized Gala, you don’t want to look like a fool. 

It was surprisingly easy to follow Min Ho’s lead. He kept his hands in proper and respectful placements, showed respect with his movements, and played up the sensuality of it all with his facial expressions. 

You maintained proper eye contact with Min Ho and followed the energy of the dance by adding flourishes to your movements and the flicks of your dress. Pretty soon, it felt like old times: just you and your dance partner on the floor, with the music acting as your lifeblood. 

In one turn, Min Ho brought you back into his hold but placed your back in his front, which, in the proper hold, pressed the two of you together. That’s when you hear a soft chuckle.

Glancing up at Min Ho, he tilts his head toward the audience, causing you to follow his gaze. You would have frozen in place if it hadn’t been for the years of training and Min Ho’s stronghold on your body.

No longer was Namjoon standing and watching you dance with his friend – It was Alpha Joon.

The forest green eyes are watching you like a predator watches his prey. Flicking all over your body, they sear heat into your skin as they trace all your contact points with the actor. 

“If I could wager anything, I would think your Alpha doesn’t like you being touched by me right now. Possessive much?” Min Ho says quietly.  “Let’s finish this with a show.”

Min Ho spins you around without warning and takes you into a dip. As he dips deeper, you cling to the actor, afraid to be dropped. Trailing his nose along your neck to your shoulder. His hand is securing your lifted leg through the slit at his hip. 

As the music dies, he pulls you up and stands you nose to nose. Your heart is pounding, not because Lee Min Ho looks like he will kiss you. No no. It’s because Lee Min Ho looks like he is going to kiss you, and Alpha Joon is somewhere seeing the same thing. 

A coy smile plays on his lips as he glances behind you, “I have a feeling you may be going home early, but still, enjoy the rest of your night, Y/n.”

Next thing you know, strong hands grip your waist, and a low growl rumbles through you. Your breath is stolen, and your body is not only thrumming from the dance but now from the Alpha at your back. 

Min Ho steps back, looking Namjoon in the eyes. He says, “Hello, Alpha Joon. Thank you for granting me the opportunity to dance with your date; she was divine.”

“Mine,” a deep, gravelly voice comes from the wolf Hybrid. 

“Is she?” asks Min Ho, his eyes flashing yellowish. “My Alpha thinks she is unmarked.”

“Your Alpha? You’re a hybrid?” You are shocked to hear this as you really take in the man before you, but you do not see any hybrid features.

“Alpha Bobcat hybrid. You didn’t think I was this graceful by being just any human, did you? Couldn’t you feel my athletic but lithe build while we were dancing so closely?” 

Min Ho’s eyes wander up and down your form. A look of something passes over his face when Namjoon’s grip tightens, and the growl grows louder. Putting his hands up, Min Ho steps back farther.

“Alpha Joon, I don’t want to push or pry. I only meant to allow your date a moment of fun. I will respect your claim on her… for now,” the actor says, his face turning into a mask of friendliness that does not meet his eyes.

Without looking at you, he says, “ Y/n, please tell Tae-ah he needs to give me a call. It was an honor to dance with you this evening.”

With that, he turns and disappears into the crowd. However, you want to disappear into the crowd but cannot because you have a Prime Alpha at your back with a death grip.

Glancing around, you are at least relieved to see that it is mainly hybrids watching with worried looks on their faces, but no one has responded or reacted like anything is out of the ordinary. 

This may be something normal for Alphas.

Running through all the things you could do next to get away from the dance floor, you think more about the fact that you didn’t know Min Ho was a hybrid and Namjoon is unhappy.

Instinctively, you should be scared, and you are… right? 

Or are you excited? 

It’s just adrenaline. That’s what it is; you attempt to convince yourself until you shift your weight and feel the so very telling dampness between your legs. 

Why?

Why are you, now of all times, turned on?

It isn’t from the dancing; you would have noticed that with all the movements. Here you go again, getting turned on by a mated man: his possessiveness, his Alphaness, the body-consuming growls. 

“Sweet pea, bergamot, and sugar,” Alpha Joon says as he takes a deep breath. “Min Ho left none. Good. Mine.”

“Alpha Joon, umm, should you be fronting right now at the Gala?” you ask softly.

“Fine, many hybrids are here,” he responds, rubbing his wrists along your sides and sending out calming scents to you. “Bergamot means scared. Nothing to scare from, my Angel.”

“Can we talk about this somewhere else, please?” you ask. Stepping out of his hold and quickly facing him. “Scenting in public won’t look good for your pack, Prime Alpha.”

His forest green eyes narrow at you. The look is calculating. Dropping his hands to his sides, the Alpha hybrid steps forward and cautiously asks, “Scenting is accepted, but not here?”

You smile at his tone and respond, “Yes, Alpha Joon. You may scent me, but please remember I am still getting used to this.” 

Reaching for his hand, you step into his personal space, “Alpha Joon, can we head home now? You can scent me in the car, if you’d like.”

His green eyes shine like emeralds, “I’d be honored, let’s go home.”

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[reasonsforhope]

I'm sorry I'm sending so many asks. I've been struggling like this for a year now, and it's barely gotten easier, but you've often been a good help with my anxiety. I really appreciate everything you do. It's hard to have hope.

I've had a really bad moment again recently. I have to be honest, the worst thing, that makes me the most anxious out of everything else, is COVID. Because it feels like nobody is paying attention, and that there is no good news. There is never any good news. COVID is always the catalyst for the worst of my anxious slumps. It's really bad. COVID is very, very scary. If you somehow have anything for that, I'd be thankful. Often I've only been able to set my heart on nasal vaccines, or next gen vaccines in general, but they're not going fast enough whatsoever.

I'm sorry, again. I don't want to try and treat you like a therapist. I just trust you. If this is too overwhelming, you can just delete it, but if you do, I'd like to know. Just so I'm not waiting for it to be answered.

I just ravaged through someone's doomy collapse blog, again, after stumbling on it in my rising anxiousness, and it was not good. I think I'm clearly too open-minded of a person to some degree, and I feel so pulled around by information that I see. I don't want to be placated, out of the loop, or lied to, but I don't want to feel hopelessly depressed. Everything is too complex. I feel like I've been through this maze, top to bottom, over and over again, and again. I just wish I knew how much truth their words held, or anyone else's words held.

And I wish we were all masking, at the very least. I'm holding myself back from swearing. I don't know if you'd have a good way to counteract general "collapse" thoughts, either. But that's also a thing.

<3 I'm touched by your trust.

I just found some good news about COVID - the first genuinely good covid-related news article I've seen in a while, instead of all of the "ah but young abled people are fine!" bs - and remembered this ask.

"As new varieties of the coronavirus took center stage during the COVID-19 pandemic, the odds of developing long COVID dropped. Those who were vaccinated against the virus saw the biggest plunge over time.

For every 1,000 unvaccinated people, 104 developed long COVID up to one year after an infection during the pre-delta phase of the pandemic. That fell to 95 per 1,000 during the delta variant’s era and 78 during omicron’s reign. Among vaccinated people, just 53 out of 1,000 developed long COVID up to a year after infection during delta and only 35 during omicron, researchers report July 17 [2024] in the New England Journal of Medicine.

The study of U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Health Care System data looked at people who had a COVID infection from March of 2020 — the month the pandemic began — to the end of January in 2022. The researchers, from the Veterans Affairs St. Louis Health Care System, compared the rates of long COVID during three phases of the pandemic among those who had and had not gotten vaccinated...

A comparison of omicron infections with infections from prior eras found that 72 percent of the drop in the long COVID rate during omicron was attributable to vaccines. The remainder was due to changes in the virus and improvements in medical care and the use of antiviral treatments during the omicron phase.

Even with the steep decline in the occurrence of long COVID for vaccinated people, there is still a risk, the researchers write. With “the large numbers of ongoing new infections and reinfections, and the poor uptake of vaccination,” they continue, this “may translate into a high number of persons” with long COVID."

-via ScienceNews, July 17, 2024

--

Masking continues to be important. The virus continues to be a problem. But especially given the decline in masking, I'm really encouraged to see this news. Because long covid IS scary. And I'll take any good news on this front that I can get.

It's especially encouraging because it shows how much staying on top of your vaccinations really does matter and really can prevent long covid.

I'm also really hopeful (though I don't have a related background and have no idea how realistic my hopes are) that this trend has been continuing past the end of the study (2022).

[pastel-medic]

So, wait, if Axel is the Spy that Red Medic removed the head of, how are they in a relationship? Wouldn't that spawn some kind of resentment?

I'm going to trigger warn this post for topics of s//cide, depression, and poor health because I can't exactly explain their dynamic without getting into Axel's mental health. I tried to make this as brief as I could but it ended up becoming an oc ramble anyway 😭 sorry in advance for the long post!!!

Also please note my personal lore and hcs for them isn't strictly based on canon lore, so RED Medic having Axel's head in fridge is due to different reasons than just being a crazy doctor :V

You have been warned!!!

This will be delving a bit more into Axel's character, and a lot of this I will try not to spoil too much as it is a plot point in an ongoing fic I'm writing.

Axel is, to put it simply, someone who struggles immensely with self identity and has a very nihilistic point of view. Working as a Spy for years since he was young has created a sense of worthlessness in his mind, as he viewed himself as a nobody who wears the faces of other people (especially after an incident that I won't detail since it's spoilers). He hasn't been able to hold relationships because he constantly "changes his identity", adopting a new fake name and fake history with every new assignment he's given while leaving the people he once formed bonds with behind once his work is done.

On top of that the people who had taught him to be a Spy often compared him constantly to his brother Pierre (RED Spy), so he never felt like he was good enough. He developed depression when he was a young adult and hasn't been able to cope in healthy ways, which led to him having very poor health and malnutrition. Every time he was offered help and support he rejected it out of fear and ran away (metaphorically and literally), the folly of pride and the guilt of being a burden to someone else. He's had many s//cidal tendencies (a lot of Axel is split from my personal trauma so bear with me), and believed that if he were to just disappear one day nobody would notice. He's waiting, HOPING, that one day he can just disappear forever...

So when he's taken by the RED Medic as a mere head in a fridge imagine his confusion when the enemy doctor refuses to kill him immediately no matter what he says. "Kill me" he keeps saying. "Later" is the only response he gets. Yet the doctor doesn't ever seem to want to. At first Axel thinks it's because of scientific curiosity, and he'd be right at first, but that's not the real reason Medic keeps him around. As it turns out Ludwig has a slightly twisted and odd excuse for keeping him around.

Seeing the Spy in a state of self destruction and withering health hurts Ludwig as a medical professional. A doctor's duty to heal others is something that even with his crazy mind still remains true. He can't help but feel the need to heal this person, his own enemy, who has become nearly broken beyond repair. He wants to help the Spy, but his solution is pretty bizarre and unconventional. If he keeps the Spy around he can try to heal the brokenness in his mind. As a head in a fridge he can't run away from the help offered to him. He realizes he doesn't want to just heal the Spy, he wants to help him; He wants to give Axel that feeling of value in his life that he struggles to have. He wants to be the person who can save Axel no matter how insane his methods are, a Don Quixote.

He wants to help Spy live.

"You are not the masks you wear, nor are you a nobody without them. You are you. And you are important no matter what."

As foolish as this logic is it's effective, as it doesn't give Spy that door to escape to. Now he HAS to see the damage to himself. Though the longer Spy stays with the enemy Medic the more he can see that he isn't the only one who needs healing. Out of all the people Ludwig can heal, he doesn't seem to be able to want to heal himself. All of his struggles are private, and he keeps the pain hidden away behind closed doors. It seems Spy is not alone when it comes to blocking others out. Medic knows he has sins crawling up his back, yet he actively pretends the Devil on his shoulder isn't there. Yet the more he ignores his mental strain the more volatile and unstable it becomes. He cannot see the damage he is inflicting on himself, and Spy knows he will continue to turn a blind eye unless he sees the harm it is causing. Regardless of how crazy it is, he realizes he wants to help the doctor too.

Spy wants to be someone who can help Medic see his self worth, a mirror to show him that he is more than simply a healer for others.

"How can you help those around you if you refuse to help yourself? You are deserving of healing too."

TL;DR to reiterate one of my previous posts about my MedicSpy ship their dynamic has always been about healing and finding security and comfort in someone who cares about you. Yes they have their flaws and are not perfect by any means, but they uplift and support each other because they care.

[rederiswrites]

I want to talk about my health journey over this last year, improving my function and getting better with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. But talking about chronic illness is so incredibly difficult. Look at the backlash people get for saying that exercise and sunshine and regular sleep really DO help depression. What I have to say is in many ways the same thing! It's an incredibly delicate issue, and very often, talking about solutions you can implement yourself sounds like blaming people for their own suffering. On the other hand, if all you hear is the conventional medical line that there's nothing but some medicine that sort of helps, that's where you're stuck. I was stuck.

I didn't want to hear that learning to fucking relax was going to be a huge component of my journey. That sounded like exactly the same shit the people who said "have you tried yoga" and the doctors who told me it was all in my head were saying! It's not, really. Not at all. It's missing far too many critical components. But uh....learning to relax is in fact incredibly important.

For example, yes, the pain is in my head. Pain is ALWAYS in our heads!! That is where the brain decides to interpret data received from the nerves as pain! It is ALWAYS heavily influenced by factors well beyond the objective experience. Science has thoroughly demonstrated that we can feel pain without an injury--indeed, that we can feel pain when the sensory input wasn't even on our body! And in the inverse, we can have injuries and not experience pain. Pain is not nearly as reliable a signal of injury as we believe it to be.

And yes! Yoga might help! It helps a lot of people! But if you go and do yoga with, say, a teacher who is not trauma-informed, or without at least some understanding of what your nervous system is up to, or the strains and trouble points in your body, you'll get little benefit and might experience harm.

The nervous system is our body's OS, in a very real sense, and for me as for many people, addressing that turns out to be really important to healing. But the nervous system isn't really designed to be user serviceable! So if it's being overreactive, constantly on high alert, keeping you in a stress response that physically blocks healing, feeling pain where there's really only a light and innocuous pressure, or maybe just a runaway inflammatory response that, like a highway traffic jam, is literally just creating itself-- well, fixing that is hardly a matter of just "oh silly goose you should stop that! It's all in my head!" But there are ways. Mindfulness techniques. Visualization. Meditation. I almost mistyped medication but it's actually true--a lot of the time fibro and ME/CFS patients get treated with antidepressants! It does help, for a while, but it doesn't change the underlying problem much.

For me, while I've tried and gotten benefit from some of those--actually, come to think, ALL of those things--pure information is my medicine of choice. Just exposing myself over and over to the message that you can get better, that people have, that there's nothing detectable mechanically wrong with me, to the science of physiology and the nervous system and pain. Books, TED talks, youtube videos, research papers, articles...

And most importantly, I had to commit. I had to reach a point where I said, I will do whatever it takes. No comfort, no habit, is more important than getting better, and I believe I can get better. No doctor ever told me that--I had to find survivors who had recovered online, largely by accident. Once I believed I could get better, working to achieve that goal became vastly easier. So I radically changed my diet. I restructured my days massively. I spent hundreds of hours consuming information that reinforced my hope and commitment and my understanding of the problems. I worked incredibly hard to get my sleep under control, and it's an ongoing process but there has been progress.

Today, I got out of bed before the second alarm that tells me to get off my phone and get up. Because getting up wasn't so crushingly hard. I didn't have a perfect night's sleep, but it was enough. Yesterday, and the day before, I worked steadily through the day, I accomplished my goals, and I didn't end the day crushingly drained OR bubbling with adrenaline from pushing myself beyond my normal limits. I don't need to recover, today. Because I didn't do more than I could sustainably do, and yet I made progress. I did laundry. Had great conversations. Planted three dozen tulips. Pulled weeds. Attended a webinar and learned how my state legislature works. Took care of the chickens. Ate a really healthy lunch that I enjoyed, and made the family a really healthy, delicious dinner. Caught up on the news with the family and then read a thought-provoking book. Made beads.

I still have a long way to climb on this spiral staircase. Probably the cold weather and midwinter will really challenge my ability to regulate myself and stay functional. I still have to incorporate regular exercise as a critical pillar of ongoing good health. I'm still struggling to find resources on meditation and mindfulness practice that I resonate with. (Three books in on that subject, one of which was interesting but annoying, two of which I actually quit in exasperation.) But I do really feel like I'm making progress that's not just luck or the usual fluctuation of symptoms. I am, in quiet ways, doing Pretty Okay. And that's a lot, when you've been bedbound.

[gffa]

If Kenobi season 2 happens and they bring back Commander Cody, how do you think they should handle Obi-Wan and Cody storywise?

I'm so very on the fence about whether I would even want a second season of the show--the first season was never meant to be anything beyond a mini-series and I think having it be self-contained that way made it so much more satisfying. It wasn't meant to be an ongoing story like The Mandalorian is, and Ewan was just leaving the door open for any potential future stories. On the other hand, I WILL NEVER HAVE ENOUGH OF EWAN'S OBI-WAN. For me, I think any potential second season needs to really feel like it has a point and feel sufficiently tied to Obi-Wan's core story if they're going to the effort of bringing all the actors back again. Which means: Anakin needs to be a central figure in it, even if I'm not sure how well that would work after that unnamed moon wrapped things up pretty well between them and Obi-Wan was where he needed to be for ANH. An Obi-Wan show needs to be centered on Obi-Wan's story. Versus that I think whatever Cody's storyline is, it needs to be about him, and not about someone else story. Which means I'm not sure how good I would feel about him being part of an Obi-Wan show, which would make his issues about Obi-Wan, meanwhile Obi-Wan's been more about Anakin and Luke and the Jedi. (Leia worked because she was about Anakin and Padme and Obi-Wan's connections to the Republic/Bail.) I would prefer Cody's story about what he does after leaving the Empire to be told elsewhere because I think Cody deserves to get that to himself. What I really want is a story that can fully focus on Rex and Cody meeting up again and maybe joining the Rebellion or working together to help other clones. There's some really potentially good, crunchy conflict to be had between Obi-Wan and Cody because of Utapau, and theoretically what I would love is if it could be tied into a story about rescuing Luke and some clones somehow, that they intersect for an episode or two, that it has this undercurrent of how well they worked together--and still do, they fall right back into seamlessly understanding each other and complementing each other's fighting styles--but that they're on different paths now. Obi-Wan has his sacred duty to watch over Anakin's son on Tatooine. Cody has his need to help his clone brothers or fight in the bigger Rebellion. Both important paths, but they part ways as friends again, maybe Obi-Wan can put him in touch with Bail to join the Rebellion proper. I would love to see Cody and Obi-Wan crossing paths again, conflict about what happened on Utapau, maybe that's how Obi-Wan finds out about the chips, Cody gets closure and can go on to fight against the Empire that oppressed him and his brothers, Obi-Wan is watching over Luke to ensure the galaxy has a future, and both of their core stories are respected, but there's resolution here. I'm not against cameos in Star Wars, I just want them to be used for emotional resolution, not because of Rule of Cool. This is why I thought the 501st trooper was perfect for the show, because it was part of the theme of Obi-Wan seeing Anakin's ghosts everywhere, that's why Leia worked so well for me in the show, because it was about Anakin's ghosts again, about the missing part of Obi-Wan as a Jedi who was a teacher, about the loss of Padme in the galaxy, about his duty to help the people of the Republic where he could versus his own crushing depression and trauma. Whatever role Cody would play on the show, I would want it to support the core of those same themes, while also respecting that Cody has his own story to be told. What I picture so clearly in my head is, post-fight scene where they've wiped the floor with whoever was coming after them, is just the two of them nodding at each other in understanding, that there are scars between them but they both can let it go now, Obi-Wan knows it wasn't a betrayal, Cody knows that Obi-Wan doesn't hold it against him, they both know the other has purpose in their life, and they each have regained a friend. The galaxy looks a little brighter after that.

[crippleprophet]

Is it okay for people with agoraphobia to look and take some of the advice you have for housebound people on here? I'm not really great at picking up nuance so I'm worried that it'd be crossing some boundary or that it's not the intention of the tag

that’s completely okay, i appreciate your desire to be respectful even though i’m sorry you were concerned! i absolutely consider folks with agoraphobia my comrades + community members and i’d be super honored if anything i’ve shared is helpful (+ am always interested in hearing what that was if you’re comfortable!) the rest of this is not anything you need to answer your question, just thoughts i’ve been having on the subject

i haven’t had the opportunity to talk to enough homebound [due to chronic illness / “physical” reasons] people to know if this is a common experience but for me i’ve noticed that similar to chronic illness often carrying depression with it, since becoming homebound i’ve become terrified of leaving the house.

this is definitely influenced by the fact that it’s untenably painful, my photosensitivity (in the UV sense not the epilepsy sense), the ongoing pandemic, the fact that i only left the house to go to the doctor for over a year & i’m afraid of the doctors appointment itself due to medical trauma, etc etc but like. there’s also the very strong pull of habit – i’m an incredibly obsessive & ritualistic person – and what Goffman refers to as “the relief of self-isolation” for marginalized people sheltering from a hostile society, a phrase i read in undergrad 5 1/2 years ago that’s stuck with me ever since for how profoundly it resonates.

i’m not trying to say these are necessarily your or any other person with agoraphobia’s feelings & experiences, more to illustrate how the liberation of all homebound people & shut-ins & hermits is bound up together; any sanist strategy for oppressing agoraphobes can easily be leveraged against me, not least because as a severely underdiagnosed person, the medical establishment does not think there is any “legitimate” “physical” reason for me to be homebound. to respond to this oppression by arguing it’s inapplicable because i’m not crazy would be untrue + a cruel act of lateral violence.

i’ve been reading a lot of butch/femme history recently (i post about that on my main @campgender; followers age 18+ only please) & have found myself entirely reconfiguring my understanding of the queer art of isolation, the incredible ability of our ancestors to hunker down & survive under circumstances unimaginable to the average person. i absolutely don’t want to deny the deep pain – not only the aspects i experience but also the heightened isolation of people without or before internet access + the ways these circumstances / forms of oppression can foster abuse –

but my god, so many 50s butches didn’t leave their homes during daylight hours for years in order to not be hate crimed for their gender presentation, & that’s the folks who were making it to the bars. so many others – “discreet” couples who didn’t want to risk being outed by engaging in queer community; people assigned female who “passed” as men & their partners; butch sex workers & other people with identities perceived as contradictory or unacceptable – existed marginalized by both queer & normative communities.

every time i think substantially about homeboundedness i always get tracy chapman’s “subcity” stuck in my head. obviously my access to housing period is a huge position of privilege, & i’m in the most economically secure position of my adult life so far; the abjection i experience is nowhere near the scale of people in the position of the speaker of the song, who’s implied to be street homeless. but the line “people say it doesn’t exist ‘cause no one would like to admit that there is a city underground” is such a succinct & accurate depiction of living the kind of life society tries to convince itself is impossible. but there truly is a rich genealogy of homeboundedness especially in queer history.

again i hope some of my posts & such are helpful / resonant! wishing you all the best 💓💓

[emblazons]

Note: I am finally posting this (something that has been in my drafts for actual months) because @pinkeoni hurt my feelings talking about Will and Alan Turing). So...you can inavertently thank Robin for this LMAO

I don’t delve much into Stranger Things analysis anymore, but having just watched The Imitation Game, the biopic they made about Alan Turning in 2014—I’m thinking that maybe Will doing his presentation on the man might have an delightful (secondary) parallel to this film’s exploration of him, given Will’s burgeoning queerness + ongoing relationship with normalcy.

Throughout the film, the ongoing theme of "differences bringing about greatness/change" permeates every character, but Turing especially—something that the conversation he has with a character named Joan near the end of the film showcases well:

In this conversation, Joan is trying to encourage Turing to come out of depression and rely on her, given he is struggling immensely with physical effects of chemical castration—which he obviously resents, but feels is better than giving up the life he has and being “entirely alone” because of his sexuality / desires (sound familiar)?

This ongoing exploration of queerness as tied to greatness and/or otherness is something that is very often explored in Stranger Things as well, primarily with Will—to the point where Will has nearly the exact conversation Alan has with Joan with Jonathan in S2:

—in addition to us exploring the relationship between a lack of normalcy, queerness and even nerdiness through/by other characters like Robin, Mike & Lucas.

Now (as we all know), Will’s homosexuality has been forever and inherently linked to his otherness/lack of normalcy—whether with how he was bullied in S1-S2, his struggle to be open with his feelings for Mike in S4, or the million literal / metaphorical things in between, Will has always been encouraged not to conform, but still struggles to self-actualize enough to embrace himself fully…which most of us expect for him come S5.

Basically: the underlying theme of this film for Turning (much like the underlying themes at the heart of ST) revolves around how most people strive for normalcy, despite normalcy being undesirable if you expect to do anything great/interesting. While Turing was a homosexual man, he was also one who struggled greatly with fitting in overall—much like Will, which I think perfectly reflects how the Duffers have set up their S5 resolution + solving Will’s ongoing internal struggle with his romantic feelings for Mike + ongoing dissonance with normalcy.

(sidebar: there are articles exploring the idea of "embracing difference" in this movie that parallel Will's "Being Different." See: Embracing Difference - The Imitation Game)

Both TIG!Turing and Will exist in on the fringes on their respective worlds due to their differences and homosexuality—just as both of them are both most inspired by their (romantic) love for their male best friends....to the point that those relationships define their contributions to the story: Turing with the machine that helped the Allied powers break the Nazi Enigma code, and Will in ways I'm sure we'll be talking about in 2025.

TL;DR: While Will still has another season to sort through what his love for his best friend means for both his rejection of normalcy and his greatness, it's fairly apparent that (much like Turing) it is the embracing of both difference and homosexuality that leads to greatness—no matter how the world feels about that overall.

(We love it when the gays learn life lessons (and when they win)).

[millionancientbees]

Something I think a lot of ppl forget when they’re dealing with suicidal people is that a lot of us are suicidal because we can’t afford or access basic needs, let alone creature comforts.

Before sending your suicidal friend to the mental hospital to maybe be severely traumatized by even less autonomy and also potentially lose their jobs and housing, have you:

-spent time with them so they’re not alone with their thoughts and organized a care group of their friends to help take care of tasks that are overwhelming?

-made a post or group chat to raise funds for bills that are looming and making them feel like they’ll never be able to succeed at life? Tried to help connect them with resources? Offered to sit down with them while they make calls? Offered to take a look at their debt and see if it can be refinanced? Etc, based on your skills, who you know, what you have the resources and comfort and closeness with the person to allow

-taken them to do some fun things? Gotten them out of their house and into the sun?

-gotten them something sweet or comforting or good smelling or whatever? A simple $5 candle can be a reason for someone to smile and feel cared about.

-gotten them tools to manage their sensory needs? Are they over or under stimulated? I will become immediately suicidal if I hear too many sounds while hungry or tired or upset or overheated or or or

I’m not saying the hospital is never the answer. I’m not saying don’t take people who are immediately in danger. I’m not saying you have to do this for people who are behaving in a way that will hurt you. But if you care about someone who is suicidal, this is something to think about.

I have literally been suicidal for as long as I can remember (and I remember a lot of my very early childhood) and some of the small things that have legitimately kept me alive over the years include:

-my friends buying me noise canceling headphones

-my friends taking me on a vacation

-my partner letting me read out loud to them when they were playing video games every night

-my friends buying my art or sending me money to help pay bills, get my car fixed, etc

-my sister giving me rides to my doctor appointments and buying me a little treat afterwards

-my friends sharing their audible/netflix/hulu/libby accounts with me so i had something to focus on other than wanting to die

-friends taking me out to dinner and letting me talk about my special interests

-my friend giving me houseplants and teaching me how to keep them alive, which required spending quality time together whenever I needed to learn something new and gave them an excuse to bully me into leaving my depression nest when nobody else could

-my friend buying me a vape when I was breaking apart and had nothing to do with my hands and nothing to calm my very upset nervous system and $2 in the bank and also I was going through withdrawals

-my friend teaching me how to drive and helping me get my license so I could have some autonomy

Like it really can be that simple. We sometimes forget that therapy and meds can only do so much at a time, and some people get treatment for their entire lives and still struggle a lot even when they do everything right, especially when they’re dealing with complicated issues like other disabilities, chronic pain, poverty, abusive situations/ongoing trauma, etc.

[yuhi-san]

Alright for trigun fanfiction appreciation week by @trigunfanfic I made a small fic record, though I might add more

In the meadow by @eomma-jpeg

Rating M

Tags: Milly has a Savior Complex, No Smut, Slow Burn, farm life, Knives Redemption, Hints at Vashmeryl, but I have other plans for them, POV Multiple, Post-Canon, Post-AnimeTrimax influences, Character Study, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety, Mutual Pining, References to both Millywood and Vashwood

ngl I just opened it because I was starved for ‘post series knives needs to learn how to live with people’ content. I thought Millyknives was just a case of pairing the ‘leftovers’ but I figured the rest might bee good.

It is so, so good and also, not a case of pairing the leftovers (if you think you don’t care for millyknives, this story will probably convert you lol).

Its 98 trigun with some trimax and stampede elements (Roberto!!). its sweet, its funny, they have ups and downs and without wanting to spoil anything, I love how it does explore that a lot of knives hate for humans stems from fear.

All the original character are great, everyone gets their time to shine, vashmeryl are so cute and silly

Sinking sand by @rainflamestudio

Rating T

Tags: Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Found Family, Whump, Smoking, because Wolfwood is here, Trust Issues, Friendship, Mixed Canon, Alien Biology, Nick's dying but he walks it off, dadberto, Nick learns he has friends, Panic Attacks, Sensory Overload

We all love some hurt comfort for vash but this time its wolfwoods turn! he’ is not having a good time but cant ask for help either. Not that this is topping vash, meryl and Roberto from coming to his rescue and staying by his side no matter what.

Hot water by OpticalCrown

Rating G

Tags:   Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Chronic Pain, Character Analysis, Light Angst

A short story about sleeping arrangements, the things vash so desperately wants to hide but Roberto and Wolfwood notice anyway

 

New growth by @puffinpastry

Ongoing

Rating T

Tags: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Millions Knives-centric (Trigun), Depression, Implied Mpreg, Mostly trimax with some tristamp for seasoning, Trans Vash the Stampede (Trigun), Trans Millions Knives (Trigun), Millions Knives domestication arc, Brief suicidal ideation, Knives gets to heal but hes got to confront his past first, Angst with a Happy Ending, past trans male pregnancy, Knives doesn't know how to interact with kids, Silly but its buried under all their issues, Hey knives what if you were confronted with the forgiveness of a small child?

Still ongoing but very good knives has to learn to live with people, specifically vash. its very well written, I love knives in this and the struggle he and vash both have, especially because vash cant just move ast what had happened, even though he kinda wishes he cold. cute kids, also bless wolfwood

The heaviness we’ve known  by @cosmictapestry

 Rating T

Tags: Heart-to-Heart, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Vash the Stampede (Trigun), Vash the Stampede has Prosthetic Legs (Trigun), Caretaking, past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Violence, Vash the Stampede's Scars (Trigun), Body Modification, Father-Son Relationship, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Episode Tag, Parent-Child Relationship, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Unresolved Tension, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Vash the Stampede Needs a Hug (Trigun)

Look, I love trisamp brad and his relationship to vash. he didn’t do right from the start but he cares so much and this one is just, oof. Goes deeper in the lost tech that keeps vash together and the pain he has from it and how little brad and others sometimes can do. Set after episode 9.

Ricochet by @heffawhump

Rating G

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Sick Character, Poisoning, Caretaking, Hidden Injury, BAMF!Meryl Stryfe, dad!berto, Fluff

Classic hurt comfort and sick character. Very well written, absolutely in love with the gang ready to kick anyones ass that wants vash harm. get them, meryl

Never understood a word by @aboxthecolourofheartache

Rating T

Tags: Road Trips, Introspection, Character Study, Developing Friendships, Trust Issues, Trust, Loneliness, Treasure Hunting, Brotherly Angst, Dysfunctional Family, POV Alternating, Developing Relationship, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, the inherent vulnerability of bringing someone to a favorite location, the inherent sanctity of natural places, eccentricity as plot device, Vulnerability, several instances of blink and you miss it Trimax-flavored Plant lore, Singing

Absolutely amazing story and character study about vash from the view of Roberto, meryl and Wolfwood. Love how it shows that there is so much rage and other emotions bubbling under vashs cheerful attitude because knives tormenting him one way or another is not so easily brusched of. But my favorite part might be that it also shows vashs silly and clumsy persona isn’t all fake either, rather it is an exaggeration of genuine traits he has. Also some really great Roberto rep!

Like Eden by @revenantpoet / @revenantghost

Also known as untitled E fic lol

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, narrative poetry, Frottage, Vash the Stampede Has Plant-Like Genitalia (Trigun), Sexual Inexperience, First Time, They're so in love and they're stupid about it, Written as Vash being demi and Wolfwood being grey but, All I know is Vash is Wolfwood, sexual and Wolfwood is Vashsexual ok, Emotional Sex, Trauma, the usual Guilt, This was supposed to be a quick pwpIt is not, Canon Compliant

Look, I’m not usually one for poetry stile and it never occurred to me before to give it a try. It’s worth getting over the hang up though. It ready very nicely, like following Vash’s thoughts which fits soo well for the situation. Also we need more fics where they get some time after the sandsteamer disaster. And especially of vash getting the chance to show ww the geodome and for him to have a chance to be actually comforted after what happened to livio. It’s a really sweet one, though of course Wolfwood and vash cant make things too easy on themselves… communication is hard isn’t it boys

sorry if this looks all so messy, i have no idea how people have the nerve and patience to put thing togetehr nicely. I might do another list later in the week because there are so many lol

maybe a seperate E list, too (Like eden gets to be here because in my opinion it isn't really that much about the smut and its smal compared to everything else going on.)

[skellymom]

"Vagabonds"

Ongoing OC x Hunter/Bad Batch Fanfic Series

Introduction: "Chaos On Coruscant"

And Chapter 1: "Weight of the Galaxy" (posted 8/14/2023/reuploaded 1/2/24)

ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜰ��ᴄ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴꜱ ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ. ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ 18+ ᴅɴɪ.

(Credit: Cool moving star dividers by @4ngelic-wh1spers )

BACKGROUND: The following story takes place in the Bad Batch Star Wars Universe, and I tried to keep within the timeline of Season 1-2 before the Batch Left Ord Mantell for Mount Tantiss.  The OC characters of my invention are Maadienne “Mad Momma” Dax and her genderfluid Teen named Love.  Mad is an older single mom.   

Mad and Love also are coded as belonging to something similar to the American Nomad population in the US.  Think Nomadland, off-griders, bikers, Slab City transients, hobos, tramps, hippies, punks, carnies, faire circuit vendors, survivalists, societal dropouts, etc. And they intersect with other nomadic groups coded as similar to the Roma (Romani), Travelers/Tinkers (Irish), Romanichal (British/UK). All of these people in this story universe refer to themselves as “The Star People”.

WARNINGS: Shades of neurodivergence, mention of deep sorrow/depression/hurt/lost love/relationship breakups/estranged parents/heavy mental baggage/ugly crying.  There are hints of the beginning stages of fascism and xenophobia.  Some mention of erections, arousal, sexual/sensual feelings, flirting.  Lots of swearing (Star Wars swears mixed with Earth swears).  Fictional prejudicial slurs.  Poverty, class struggle, slavery, war, child abduction, politics, very amorphous mention of genocide, animal cruelty living conditions (brief), animal death (postmortem) and both of these are redeemed. 

Original art of my OC: Maadiene "Mad Momma" Dax. Art markers on paper.

Original art of my OC: "LOVE". Art markers on paper.

FYI-We WILL get to Hunter! But first I need to introduce my OC’s!!!

Introduction: "Chaos On Coruscant"

The outer streets of Coruscant started to show their seediness and poverty the longer Mad and Love walked away from the bustling city center.  They had just picked up a considerable payment of credits after dropping off two young orphans to a well-heeled couple living within the upscale high rises of the capital.  They had the help of clearances, chain codes and disguises.  Both wearing a bland headscarf veil and shift dress over their clothes and skin tattoos.  Mad’s face was uncovered and Love’s full coverage.  To anyone who passed on the street, they were two household nannies taking care of their rich owners’ children. 

The orphans, Edda and Oddo, were refugees from a distant Outer Rim planet that the Empire had newly “colonized” for resources.  The people of that planet fought and lost control of their sovereignty. Many lives were lost in the battle.  So many refugees and newly orphaned children were begging to flee the planet to avoid becoming slaves of the Empire.  Mad and Love saw an opportunity to take whomever they could away from that situation and bring them here to a better life.  They hated the Empire.  Before that The Republic.  Before that…whatever governing forces that had killed, enslaved, or pushed their people out among the stars.  Homeless Nomaadi that nobody wanted.  Dirty marked “Caitiff” scum.  Now the Empire was doing this to other “outsiders” all over the galaxy.  

When Mad and Love dropped off the children, the stipulation was it had to be at the back servant’s entrance.  The couple wouldn’t let it be any other way.  Even though Mads contacts were secure, and this job was very low on the risk scale, there was no room for compromise.  The couple didn’t come out expressly and say anything prejudicial about Nomaadi delivering the children.  But it was heavily implied through the thin veneer of niceness as they opened the door to welcome the children.  Mad and Love were instructed to wait at the threshold, to hug Edda and Oddo and say a hurried goodbye.  The siblings protested tearfully, but gave in. Mad caught a fleeting look at the large opulent apartment, meeting the eyes of the servant at attention on the other side of the room.  The husband, giving them a brusque “thank you” while handing over the bag of credits, shut the door in their faces.  Standing in the servant’s hallway, Mad and Love looked at each other in sad silence.  The siblings had travelled with them on the Beldame several weeks before.  Bonded with them.  The children didn’t care who Mad and Love were.  They were so grateful to be safe and have someone in their life that cared. 

The credits helped smooth the sting…a little.  The encounter was so jarring and surreal, but par for the course.  Mad and Love couldn’t eat or survive without steady revenue coming in. The couple who paid for the lives of these children paid handsomely.  To them it was just a drop in the bucket, easing their guilty conscience.  Taking in homeless orphans as their own children…while not using any of their privilege to stand against the Empire seemed like a glaring example of blind privilege.  Love was neutral on the subject, looking at the glass as half full.  The children have good homes now.  Mad saw the glass as leaky with a huge crack in it.  The damned thing didn’t work well and was fundamentally broken.  

Their ship, the Dread Beldame, was parked on the outskirts of the capital city to keep a low profile.  That meant a lot of walking, but it kept the Coruscant Police off their backs.  Getting the hell off the planet relatively undetected was the goal now.   

The narrow streets led to a small public square complete with an open-air second-rate vendor market.  Tourists visiting the Capital, locals, and Neuvo riche citizens of the city center visited these spots due to lower prices on goods.  The awful smell of the exotic meat vendor wafted up into Mad and Love’s noses.  The smell of a hundred naturally and genetically designed animals housed together in a small space. 

Mad ignored the smell and kept a brisk pace.  However, was surprised by a familiar voice and warm Nomaadi greeting.  

“Auntie?” 

Mad Stopping in her tracks and looked past the front counter into the shadows towards the back of the stall.  A familiar face slowly stepped out.  Mad thought she was looking at a ghost.   

Nephew Sil, covered in dirt and slaughter offal, underweight and wearing a slave collar sadly smiled at her.  She hadn’t seen him since he was a boy, when he was abducted from his family.  Now Sil was a teen. The Nomaadi chest tattoo a clear identifier.  Her experience was that many Nomaadi children were stolen.  The authorities didn’t care to help the families to find them, so they were easy pickings by slavers and traffickers. 

Love, totally unaware of Sil, followed the scent and was shocked by the scene at the meat vendor’s chopping block.  A small live puppy was held aloft shrieking and scruffed by the butcher who was barking at any possible patrons in the crowd. 

 “Loth Wolf-Vornskr hybrid!  Tender delicacy.  Butchered fresh right here.  Last one goes to the highest bidder!!!”   

In his other hand was a very large meat cleaver. 

Love was mortified to witness this.  As their eyes looked past the puppy, cages upon cages of trapped animals came into view.  Small wire cages stacked up high holding dirty tortured souls stuffed into small spaces.  And beyond that, a bigger reinforced pen holding a large bellowing beast hiding in the shadows.  The smell of animal shit, fear, blood, death, and pain hit Love in the gut and assaulted their senses.  Patrons rushed forward with their money to bid on the last small life in the butcher’s hand.  Love was knocked aside and bounced from one patron to the other before being shoved down onto the hard pavement.  The obscene display of crude materialistic greed while being trampled was too much for Love.  And concern for the pup brought anger out of them, vibrating the very air within the space. 

Mad called out to Sil, “Come with us!”   

“I can’t” and winced as he touched the shock collar.  It was electronically locked, live and would not allow him to leave the market stand.  Sil was the meat butcher’s property and locked in, just like all the animals stuffed in the cages around them.   

Mad unbuttoned the top of her blouse to reach for the credits stowed in the security pocket of her binder.  The high neck fell open to reveal her own circular Nomaadi chest tattoo.  She could attempt to buy Sil back from the Butcher and help locate his parents.  The job’s payment would allow this luxury and still have enough for them to live on until the next job. Before Mad could pull out any credits, she could feel every hair on her body stand on end.  Sil could feel it too.  Mad knew exactly where it was coming from. 

“LOVE!  NOOO!!!” 

Mad suddenly turned to see Love levitating 10 ft above Coruscant street.  The patrons facing the butcher never saw what was coming, but he had a front row view.  The butcher froze and his eyes went wide. Mad could feel the raw emotion and power pulse from Love’s body.  They were gonna blow, and Mad couldn’t do a damned thing about it.  

The puppy and the animals in the surrounding cages fell silent.   

All.  At.  Once. 

What happened next to Mads recollection was in slow motion.  A silent Force scream emanated from Love’s mouth.  It shorted out EVERYTHING within that city block.  All the technology, transportation, everything…and the locks on all the cages within the meat stall.  Everything was at a standstill for 5 seconds.  Love still levitating above the street, the butcher standing in the same position, the vendors at a standstill.   

Then things sped up.   

And… THE SHIT HIT THE FAN!  

The animals, sensing freedom, burst from their cages in a frenzied wild blur.  Screams could be heard from patrons slowly realizing what was happening as animals escaped beneath their feet, swooped near their faces, leaped on or past them.  Love still levitating as people and animals ran pell-mell through the square.  Nobody cared to notice a skinny veil-shrouded teenager floating above them.  The butcher let loose a litany of curse words and pointed the meat cleaver in Love’s direction…while still holding onto the puppy.   

Love reached out with the Force and snatched the puppy from the Butcher’s grasp.  He turned 3 shades of red and chucked the meat cleaver at Love.  They cradled the puppy and force deflected the cleaver.  It fell ineffectually against the pavement below.  Love was still levitating at 10ft and giving a calm intense death stare to the Butcher.  He foamed at the mouth in a rage, stooped down and yanked a laser rifle out from under the counter, swinging it around to aim right between Love’s eyes.   

Love, unfazed, didn’t move from his aim.  Mad almost shit her pants in fear.  It was all too much.  They were going to get caught, and Love’s luck was going to run out.  Today was the day she would see her offspring’s brains all over the streets of Coruscant. 

The Butcher pulled the trigger…which did absolutely nothing as Love’s scream had shorted out his weapon.  He was thwarted once again from dispatching this teenage menace, and absolutely lost his composure, chucking the weapon at Love. 

They calmly Force pushed the weapon aside, keeping the death stare.  Having nothing left to assault Love with, the Butcher leapt onto the counter and launched himself up towards them… 

…and was immediately taken out by the large animal held captive in the shadows of the meat vendor’s stall.  There was an explosion of metal, wood, and small animals…that hadn’t escaped from the first rush to freedom.  The Behemoth ran past Love and caused total mayhem to the remaining people in the square.  More blood curdling screams mixed with angry animal cries. 

Love calmly turned on a dime and floated airily away from the scene, pulling off the veil and gracefully dropping it to the ground below.  Their Nomaadi tattoo in full rebellious glory to all of Coruscant.  Love’s facial expression calm as ever, still cradling the puppy. 

It was a total sight to behold.  Mad was beside herself watching Love float away from the scene.  And then yanked almost off her feet as Nephew Sil ran past and grabbed her hand.  He ripped the now inactive slave collar from his neck and threw it aside.  Behind them a cab and several speeder bikes fell from the sky and exploded on the pavement, they had shorted out as well.     

“We gotta go, go, go!  Run Auntie Mad!!!  Where’s the ship???”  Running high on adrenaline he dragged Mad out of the square into the narrow streets for cover.  They tripped over scurrying marmots.  And, Mad had to pull a small, flighted escapee from her hair as they tried to catch up to Love. 

“Love, come down outtya head!  Or we are gonna lose ours!!!”  Sil let go of Mad and ran ahead.  He took a huge running leap and yanked on Love’s leg, pulling them out of levitation mode.  It was like he was trying to catch a balloon.  Love landed on two feet with a proud smile.  

They signed “Hello” warmly and presented the puppy proudly.  

“You CRAZY!”  Syl shook his head “Causing big trouble.” 

They were interrupted by a bedraggled Spice Head grabbing both teens by the back of their shirts.  “Catiff scum!  You should be worth some credits!!!” 

Mad had enough of everything that had gone to total shit today.  Anger welling up, she would have shot him on the spot had her blaster not shorted out.  Instead, she ran full tilt into the assailant, knocking him to the ground.  From there, proceeded to grab handfuls of hair and repeatedly pound his head into the pavement accentuating each screaming curse:   

“KEEP.  YOUR.  HANDS.  OFF.  MY.  KIDS.  YOU.  KRIFFING.  BANTHA.  FUCKER!!! 

He started bleeding, lost consciousness, and stopped moving.  He was still breathing, though.  That was a plus.  Mad’s view cleared and could feel Sil and Love pulling her off the man.   

“Mommommom!”  Loves voice echoing inside Mad’s head. 

“Auntie, stop!  Please get up!!!”  Sil’s voice outside her head. 

Looking up, more Spice Heads were watching the scene unfold, shrinking back into the shadows.  Fear on their faces.  

“See this?  Keep your hands off us and your mouths shut!  We were never here!!!”      

Mad gathered herself, stood up and firmly barked, “Get your asses in gear, the Dame’s this way!”  Sil and Love, clearly shaken, followed behind. 

She gave murderous glances to the onlookers, who cowered as Mad, Sil, and Love passed.  One threw the Eye of Protection sign, showing the fear Outsiders had of The Bad Fate believed (wrongly) spread by the Nomaadi.  Mad sometimes wished she could really curse these people to silence so her family could escape safely.  Every excursion was dangerous to her people.  Snitches were a constant hazard. 

From there, they ran several blocks to the outer port where the ship sat waiting.  

The Beldame with its mismatched junky exterior looked so welcoming.  The sensors picked up Mad and Love’s proximity and opened the gangplank.  All three ran in and found their seats.  The Dame automatically closed its gangplank and Mad got them out of there quickly.  Two local precinct police speeders appeared in hot pursuit firing handheld blasters at the ship.  The speeders could only follow so far before falling behind…but not before shorting out the Dame’s antiquated deflector shield.   

While the Dame exited Coruscant’s planetary atmosphere, Mad brought up the coordinates for Ord Mantell, scrambled their jump signature, and punched the ship into hyperspace. 

You could cut the silence inside the ship with a vibroknife.  Both teens unsure if Mad was still…MAD. 

Both were seated behind her.  The light of stars coursing past casting shadows down Mads back.  It was an uncomfortable 15 minutes before she swung the chair around and met Love with an intensely serious stare.  Only Love heard Mad’s voice in their head. 

 “Dank Ferrick, Love…what the hell was that back there!” 

Sil sat watching a silently animated display of physical movements while both Love and Mad argued back and forth inside their heads at each other.  It was like watching manic mime comedy.  He knew they both could communicate like this.  Just never seen an argument between the two since he disappeared years ago.  He could only guess what the row was about. 

“I couldn’t help it.  Everything about that place was so horrible.  All those animals living and dying like that.  The people trampling me.  And… I miss Edda and Oddo.  I’m sad we let them go.” 

“We needed the money.  We were broke, Love.  Can’t keep everyone we ferry across the galaxy.  What you did in the town square…it was over the top.  You blew our cover.  Our contacts that we worked so hard for won’t help us now.  We will NEVER be able to go back to Coruscant again!” 

“Good, that place is fucking POODOO!!!” 

“But we had allies there, Love.  Without allies we can’t do any business there.  We just lost a good steady income.  The Outer Rim only pays us enough to scrape by.  And now we might have eyes actively looking for us!  You don’t really understand how dangerous everything is now for us…YOU…especially since the Jedi were murdered, do you???” 

Silence.  Surprised face. 

“DO YOU???  We already have shit rain down on us normally.  Things are getting worse out there with the new Empire.” 

Silence.  Angry face. 

“And what the hell was that…thing you did?  It shorted everything out!  That’s new, Love.  You need to control whatever the hell that is.  What did you do?” 

Silence.  Offended face.  

Mad sighed.  “I’m sorry I upset you.  I’m sorry I yelled.  It scared me.  The thought of losing you scares me.  I love you”. 

Silence.  Neutral face. 

“Ok…” Exasperated sigh.  “I… We’ll talk later. “ 

More silence.  Still neutral faced, Love starts to levitate and zone out.  Swaddles the puppy tighter. 

Mad knows she overreacted again.  The rebellious Love was something she wasn’t prepared for.  No idea on how to control these powerful urges.  A Jedi might be able to help if there were any left.  But then, the Jedi were problematic and antiquated.  Had they not been, Love would have been a Padawan long ago…and probably deceased now.  With a heavy, tired sigh Mad turns finally to address Sil. 

“I missed you so much Nephew.  I’m sorry for the drama.” 

Sil immediately got up and hugged Mad.  She grabbed him in embrace and squeezed hard.   

“It’s been so long.  Your parents will be happy to know you’re safe.” 

Sil was quiet.  Then Mad heard soft sobbing and felt his body shake.  She kept quiet and just held on until he wanted to be let go.  Love, dropping their angst, floated over and placed a hand onto his back and slowly rubbed in circles. 

He eventually let go and stood up.  Both Mad and Love spoke at the same time: Mad verbally and Love signing in Basic, “In your own time.  I’ll be here.  I love you.”   

Sil wiped his eyes.  “I’m hungry, Auntie”.  He was so thin.  Clearly, he was underfed while gone.  Probably starved to be kept in line, in addition to the shocks he received.  An outline of rough scar tissue from the slave collar worn into his neck stood out.  It was a very sobering thing for both Love and Mad to consider. 

“Let’s see what we can rustle up, huh?”  Mad got up and made a beeline for the ‘Dame’s tiny galley kitchen. 

“I missed you too Couz.” Love signed.  “Can you hold Tiggy for me while I help mom?” 

Sil nodded and took the puppy from Love.  “Hello, Tigglet” he whispered while settling into the pilot’s chair to watch the stars and Purrgils float past. 

Thanks for your patience. Hunter makes his entrance in this next chapter!

Chapter 1-"Weight of the Galaxy"

Back at Ord Mantell, Mad knocked back the Spotchka to steady her nerves.  While leaning on the bar of Cid’s Parlor with head in hand, she contemplated the huge clusterfuck that transpired on Coruscant. 

They were so kriffing lucky!  Especially finding Sil like that and getting him freed.  Being able to keep all the credits from their last job without having to haggle for his freedom.  The animals and exploding vehicles provided diversion.  The Butcher was being scraped off the concrete, so he wasn’t talking.  The Spice Heads might present a problem…if anyone cared to listen to a bunch of Tweakers. The only reason they were pursued and lacked a shield was due to the Coruscant Police suspecting those running away from the scene and fleeing the planet were to blame for the crime of…property damage.   

The authorities and media didn’t give a Womp Rats ass about the dead butcher, his sketchy meat market front, or the slaves he ran through it.  They feigned some concern about the injured citizens of the downed vehicles and those maimed by the market escapees.  The News Holos were calling the incident “eco terrorism” by a small band of indigents who set the animals free.  Fortunately, a well-known Enviro Group stepped up and claimed responsibility, inspiring its many supporters to clog the streets around the Capitol building in open protest.  The Butchers Trade Org, Pro Meat Groups and rando hooligans looking to profit and cause havoc clashed against them.  This brought out the Coruscant Guard to try to bring order to the chaos.  The upper crust of Coruscant railed against the inconvenience to their day and clutched their pearls.  Total mayhem and a convenient smokescreen. 

This kind of luck is what Nomaadi Maami Dall would call “A Gift from The Force”.   

“But make NO mistake, the Force is Fickle.  It won’t last for long.  Get out of yer own head, or it will be your end!”  Could hear her Elder preach the message like she was sitting right next to Mad at the bar.  She sorely missed Maami Dall…and Paapi Dall, Brothers, Sisters, Aunties, Uncles, Couzins, Friends of The Nomaadi Star People.  The whole Community.  It had been so long since they could all safely come together for Reunion.  Fond memories of feasts, Hand Fastings, Parting Ceremonies, musicians in drum circles around large bonfires, people singing and dancing all night, helping to repair transports during the day and restore supplies for travel, children playing, community coming together to share news, information, trade, settling disputes, healing family rifts, making love, birthing babies, and just safely relaxing from the nomadic lifestyle for a while.  

Oh Maker…the nostalgia HURT.  Being transient was The Way.  Everyone had a different journey.  Paths diverging, converging constantly.  Nomaadi were encouraged to leave, live their own truth, and be independent.  Plus, their survival depended on it.  Too many of them in the same place for a long period of time made the community sitting ducks.  This is why they would occasionally meet for Reunion by word of mouth and never permanently settled anywhere. 

Mads’ thoughts shifted back to their luck…this time.  How long before it ran out?  Love started as a quiet introspective child.  Their use of the Force started early.  It always manifested itself as gentle, non-threatening, defensive and never offensive.   

Mad also deeply regretted the show of temper.  She really hoped to not permanently injure or kill the Spice Head.  He was stupidly dangerous and a victim of a fucked-up system that kept so many down on Coruscant.  Hell, the universe.  All the people on the bottom fighting for the scraps that the powerful occasionally threw at them.  She sighed…when was it ever going to kriffing change?    

Mad’s only plan for tonight was ordering several more drinks to help forget the rising worry in her mind: After the wholesale slaughter of the Jedi and those showing Force abilities, how was she going to keep her powerful and now rebellious child safe? 

At the other end of the bar slumped Hunter, attempting to drink himself into oblivion.  He was at the start of his journey tonight several drinks in.    

His brothers and sister were back at the Marauder.  Tech and Echo had mechanical Maintenace to do.  Wrecker planned to take Omega for Mantell Mix and browse the Traders Market.  Hunter didn’t feel any of it, except guilty for turning Omega down when she begged him to come along.  He couldn’t get the vision of Crosshair out of his head, standing alone on the platform of Kamino as they left the planet.  Oh, and he felt guilty for that too.  Sad as well, and some frustration that his brother wasn’t touched by the plea of brotherhood offered by most of The Batch.  He very briefly considered having Wrecker drag Cross back inside the ship, refusing to leave without him, or stunning the sniper to do so.  It would have not changed Crosshairs mind in the long run.  Stubborn brainwashed sibling.  Hunter still loved him. 

All the while the remains of his home…no, his family’s home lay in the Kaminoan sea smoldering.  The remains of which The Batch narrowly escaped from.  Almost resigned to a watery grave. What happened to all the future unborn and young clones he had seen at the facility the day the Empire took power?  Were they safe?  Even alive?  All The Regs brainwashed by the chip.  All the Jedi murdered by them.  Did Caleb Dume ever make it to safety?  If so, was he scarred for life after seeing his master gunned down on Kaller, then having the Clones turn on him too?  It was all too much.  He felt small and overwhelmingly powerless.  Like absolute miserable shit. The only thing he could do was drown his emotions in whatever Cid’s bar was serving. 

Sometime later, after draining his drink, Hunter’s senses tingled.  Sitting up and rubbing his face, he caught a scent.  His nose found the source down the opposite end of the bar. She looked and smelled intriguing, and was staring intently into an empty glass.   

“Hey”, Hunter addressed Cid and nodded down the bar, “Who’s she?” 

The Trandoshan rolled her eyes, “Why?  Ya looking for a world of hurt, Bandana?  “Cause that’s all you’re gonna get with that one.” 

“No seriously, what’s her name?” 

“She comes here to drink alone.  The last idiot who didn’t respect her space left a permanent stain on my carpeting.  That Momma has zero patience for Bantha shit” 

“Momma???” 

“Yeah, she’s got a kid.  The dad split.  Just the two of them now.  And she’s protective of her kiddo.  They’re ‘Nomaadi”, so they tend to keep to themselves.” 

“Nomaadi?” 

Cid sighed and rolled her eyes again gesturing wildly, “Nomaadi!  Travs!  They wander the galaxy with no known homeworld.  Come on, Bandana, you never heard of ‘em?  Met ‘em???  Her people are scattered all over the place.  You must have had to move them along while you were working for the Republic?  The Republic considered Nomaadi trash, so they got pushed out.  And they just keep on moving around the galaxy.  This new Empire absolutely hates them.” 

Hunter let that sink in while staring down the bar.  Cid contemplated these two sad saps sitting at either end.  

“She reminds me of someone I know.  Got the weight of the whole galaxy on her shoulders.”  Hunter’s gaze immediately snapped up to meet Cid’s eyes.  She held his gaze for a long, uncomfortable moment hands on hips. 

“Her name is Mad.” Cid finally answered as she turned and walked away. 

Mad.  Was her name Mad for angry or crazy? He couldn’t tell, but he wanted to find out.  She was a welcome distraction from the things he wanted to stop thinking about tonight. 

Mad’s inner stream of consciousness was abruptly interrupted by Cid. “Find any amazing revelations in the bottom of that glass? You’re here to drink, not meditate.”  

Immediately she looked up to meet the bright green eyes of the Trandoshan. Cid’s first language usually was heavy sardonic sarcasm tinged with menace, but Mad saw a bit more in her demeanor. A tiny bit of empathy shining through…before the sarcasm blocked it out again.  

“Dark and Broody at the end of the bar wants to buy ya a drink if you’re interested.”  

Cid pointed towards a very handsome man with a red bandanna and face tattoo staring up the bar at them. He raised his hand in a brief two finger wave and cheesy half smile. An attempt of levity with some drunken smolder.  

Heavy sigh and groan from Mad. “No creepers, Cid.  Remember last time?” 

Cid leaned in against the bar. Her voice finding some softness, “He’s ok. Done some jobs for me. Got a kid of his own, no partner. Kinda lonely. You both look like you need a drink and time out of your own heads. Whaddya say?”  

Another sigh from Mad.  What did Mad really have to do tonight? The next job wasn’t until tomorrow afternoon.  And Love was back at the Beldame with Sil fiddling with the shield generator.  The puppy was probably tearing up and crapping all over the ship.  Maker, what was she gonna come back to?  Mad didn’t want to deal with any of it tonight.  Luckly, Sil seemed somewhat responsible enough, and Love rarely if ever left the Beldame without Mad at their side.  Both teens had dragged Mad down the gangplank in the direction of the bar. “Go have a drink!” they chimed in unison “We got this!” as they ran into the ship.  Oblivious young'uns, dear Maker, now she had two…three with the four-legged pot roast they just “adopted.” 

“Fuck it. You’re right. Can’t turn down free Spotchka.”  

Cid winked and turned away to grab a glass. Mad straightened up, looked down the bar, and gave her best devil may care smirk.  She then gracefully signed “thank you” in Basic Sign Language to Dark and Broody.  

Cid plunked down the Spotchka.  Mad tipped it back with abandon, enjoying the feel of the drink on her tongue. The pleasant burn. The warmth of it down the hatch…  

“HELLO.”  

Mad choked and spit the drink right onto Cid.  

“Smooth move, Bandana”, disgusted and slightly pissed Cid retreats to wipe herself down. Dark and Broody had suddenly and stealthily materialized in the seat next to Mad.  

The pleasant burn is now a fire in Mad’s nose and throat. Spotchka ran down her chin and onto the bar. “Are you trying to Kriffing kill me!” in between coughs. Anger rising. What the fuck, this guy! Dark and Broody looks embarrassed and concerned.  She briefly considers punching him in the face.  

“Sorry…I should have given you more warning” he replies while offering several napkins. Mad grabbed some from his hand holding them to her mouth.  

Cough subsiding, nose still burning, Mad takes in the visage of Hunter: Head of amazing thick black hair, trim body, muscular, deep brown eyes that she could get lost in… She shakes her head and his smokey, sexy voice slides into her ears, “You ok? Anything I can do?”  

Mad’s expression was ambiguous while trying to calm down.  She sits staring intensely at Hunter.  He noticed the depth of her eyes: flecks of yellow mingled with green.  While her surface demeanor gave little away, Hunter’s senses pick up anger, confusion…and a slight glimmer of attraction.  She looked like she might attack and eat him alive.   The prospect seemed exciting.   His eyes dropped and scrutinized her chest tattoo for the first time. 

“My eyes are up here, Stud” she growls.  He notices her noticing him looking at her chest and immediately becomes embarrassed.  His expression shows it, as his eyes widen and immediately shoot back up to her face.  “Just looking at your tattoo.  Honest” he raises both hands in surrender. 

“You always this smooth with the ladies?” 

“Little off my game tonight.  Can I try again?”  Hunter gives Mad a sly smile. 

Cid sidles back up to the bar, “Drinking only, no maiming…and NO sex in the bathroom.  If ya wanna do that, then leave my bar!”  Hands on her hips, looks across the room and suddenly shouts, “SHUT UP, YOU TWO, and mind yer own business!” 

Bolo and Ketch stop laughing and solemnly return to their game of Djarik. 

“Mad, I need Dark and Broody here in working condition for my next job.  So go easy on him.  He’s harmless.  Bandana, quit being such a laser brain.  You guys are stinkin’ up the joint with your buffoonery” she nods to Hunter, then Mad “and your angst.” 

Both Hunter and Mad, taken aback by Cid’s scolding, soften and relax.   

“Cid’s right.  I really am harmless…and a laser brain.  My name is Hunter.”   

He extends his hand to shake.  Mad continues to stare into Hunter’s deep brown eyes for several beats before extending her own and taking his hand.  As her fingers slide into his grasp, there is an intense warm wave that passes between them both that ends in a tingle.  Hunter and Mad’s body hair stands on end as the tingle runs up one arm, crosses their hearts and runs down the other arm.   

Hunter, trying to maintain his cool, gives a lopsided attempt at a smoldery smile while still holding Mads gaze.  Mad was never prepared for this sensory experience and immediately inhaled while her pupils dilate, and her face slightly flushes.  Hunter can hear her heart skip a beat, then pick up to a frenetic pace.  He smells perspiration as it begins to form upon her skin.  He also smells a faint hint of arousal.   

“Mad…”  She’s thrown off by what just happened and quickly pulls away.  She’s used to whatever crawls into the bar trying to daftly impress, threaten, cajole, talk down to, manhandle, or manipulate her.  He’s self-depreciating, disarming, and a bit goofy…while smoking hot.  She’s confused and warming up to this Hunter guy. But the walls are still up.  The urge to bust him in the chops has left her mind. 

“Wooo.  That was…intense!”  Mad’s feral demeanor fell away to shit eating grin and head tilt.  She fans herself with her hand.  That sensation was amazing!  What the hell did HE do?    

Hunter chuckled.  “Uh, yeeaaah…” Casually crosses his legs to hide a semi erection.  That sensation was amazing!  What the hell did SHE do? 

“That happen often?” 

“Nope.  You’re the first.”   

“Shush…flattery will get you everywhere” Mad leaned in closer to Hunter, still not breaking intense eye contact.  She was falling into the pool of those warm brown eyes.  Basking in them.  Hoping not to drown. 

“I can only hope,” he counters.  His heart flutters first, then he feels a second flutter between his crossed legs.  Physically he feels amazing.  Mentally, he feels like an idiot.  

Cid, leaning against the back of the bar, rolls her eyes.  “Can I get you love birds to move the party to The Oasis?  I can’t handle the melodrama.  Give ya a bottle of free Spotchka to get lost.” 

“The Oasis?”  Hunter said suddenly.  He was very confused.  To the best of his knowledge, Cid never mentioned it. 

“It’s a secret little hideaway.  She doesn’t let just anyone use it.”  Mad winked at Cid then gave Hunter a conspiratorial grin. 

Cid wrinkled her nose and shot Hunter a nasty look, “I never let your Batch in on it…except for Tiny.  Your ship smells like poodoo.  If you trash my Oasis, you’ll owe me FOREVER!”  She followed this up by pointing her long bony Trandoshan claw at him.   

Yep, that did it: Totally killed Hunters erection. 

Cid plunked down a full bottle on the bar.  Mad grabbed it as she got up from her bar stool.  “Care to join me for Spotchka under the stars…Hunky?”   

Two loud and very offended scoffs from across the room, “How come we don’t’ get free bottles?” 

“SHUT IT!” from Cid “Or you both are gonna get a bottle each…upside your heads!!!” 

Hunter could only answer with a smile and nod, grateful he could now get to his feet without embarrassment from a certain bodily function.  He followed Mad to Cid’s office and through a hidden doorway.  

“Don’t trash my Oasis!  I MEAN IT!!!”  came Cid’s shrill threat from the other room.   

Mad grabbed Hunters hand and led him through several dark winding stairways, many doorways, purposeful twists and turns that confused the sense of direction. The last door opened to a rooftop area… 

PLEASE like, comment, and/or REBLOG!

To read Chapter 2

https://www.tumblr.com/skellymom/728315714878980096/background-hunter-and-mad-bond-make-love-and?source=share

[animeredhead101]

Dick Grayson / Danny Fenton Masterlist

Complete

Holding Me Now in Hand by DisillusionedDanny :

After Tim Drake tells his family about his new insane chemistry teacher, Dick Grayson decides to do some investigation himself. What he wasn't expecting was to instantly fall in love with the chaotic science teacher. Danny had managed to make a new life for himself in this new dimension as a science teacher at Gotham Academy. He had a fulfilling life, teaching the kids of Gotham how to survive on the streets and then at night protecting the bats who roamed the streets. Now, to make things even better, he had somehow caught the attention of Dick Grayson. If Danny had to be honest, his life was going pretty great for him. Now he just needed the other shoe to drop. Word Count: 67,299

Emergency Contact by DisillusionedDanny :

Bruce Wayne is shocked to find out that he is not his son's emergency contact after Dick is involved in a standoff.

Color him surprised when he learns that his son has been keeping secrets from him.

Word Count: 2,423

Enchanted to Meet You by DisillusionedDanny :

Danny finally sees his soulmate outside of his dreams and it's everything he wanted and more. Word Count: 2,114

weary soldier, welcome home by halfgone (milkywxy) :

Dick misses his boyfriend. He waxes poetic about this, to himself that is. Then, inevitably, he gets to go home.

Word Count: 2,870

Constantine Bingo by EKat18

Danny turns Constantine selling his soul into a game. Word Count: 1,132

Ongoing

Danny Kidnaps Damian (not actually) by thebritishspider :

Danny doesn't like being summoned. He really doesn't like being summoned. Especially by the league of assassins. Those guys suck. If you're going to summon an all powerful entity at least do it right. A sandwich or something would be nice. He still wouldn't do their bidding anyway but it's the thought that counts. The one time he mentioned this to the league they offered him a child. Well. If they're offering Danny's gonna get the kid out of there. I mean really. Who in their right mind would offer him a child without laying out parameters. It was insulting really.

Or The League summons Danny, offer Damien as a sacrifice, Danny goes "All right then" and takes Damian. "Do you got another place to go kid?" "My father is Bruce Wayne" "Lol, wacky. I'll drop you off with him then." Danny sticks around because the Waynes are pretty cool, and Damian is very clingy.

Word Count: 32,492

Rings of Power by docmartins :

One moment Danny was chilling in space the next he was thrown into a world of heroes. A world that brought him family and friends and siblings and love. or Danny Phantom unexpectedly finds himself becoming the protégé of certain greenclad, ring-weilding heroes. Word Count: 123,437

I’m Falling for you (Now we’re both Falling) by Milaley,zizippy5379 :

Danny Fenton is just your average big city paramedic living in one of the most dangerous cities there is: Gotham. Or is he? What most people don't know is he is a retired superhero from the small town of Amity Park known as Phantom. After the burn out that comes from being a lone teenage hero and a difficult reveal to his parents he decides he needs to get away. And what better city than Gotham for a man who loves to help in medical crises.

Dick Grayson: detective by day, superhero by night. Well that's what he was until the reality of working for the Bludhaven police department set in and his depression took over. Now he's quit his day job and works for his adoptive father's charitable organization. But that doesn't stop him from continuing his superhero work as the one and only Nightwing.

But when these two soulmates meet on a rooftop at night and their timers run out, happily ever after isn’t as easily achieved as one might think.

Word Count: 75,437

Falling for you, again and again (adventures in getting kidnapped and meeting your soulmate) by ziazippy5379 :

Danny gets dragged to some event in Gotham and meets his soulmate. The first meeting goes great. The rest of the night not so much. Word Count: 32,352

[ldysmfrst]

American Mate (13) - Shall We? (TEASER)

Paring: Hybrid!BTS Ot7 x Plus-sized Human FemReader

Status: Ongoing series

Chapter number: 13 of unknown

Word count for Chapter: 9,681

Work count for Story: 96,460

Genre: Hybrid Playmate Au inspired by works created by @yoongiofmine

A little about the author: I am a mother of two beautiful children, one of whom has special needs, and the other loves everyone. I started a Patreon, and I would be grateful if you donated to help me make ends meet while I am out of work.

Warnings: NOT BETA READ!! This chapter does have pack dynamics, possessiveness, history of abuse discussed (bring tissue box), jealousy, forced interactions (phone/in person), and self-doubt.

BTS HYBRID ANIMAL TYPES: Seokjin - Roan Ferret, Yoongi - Black Jaguar, Hoseok - Marten, Namjoon - Alaskan Timber Wolf, Jimin - Red Panda, Taehyung - White Southwest African Tiger, Jungkook - Flemish Giant Rabbit

AMERICAN MATE MASTER LIST / LDYSMFRST MASTER LIST

Knockknockknock

Startling you out of your depressing thoughts, you call out, “Who is it? I am in the bath still.”

“Ma’am, I am Bethan Ann, Omegan Alaskan Bear Hybrid and head of the preparation team. Prime Alpha Kim sent us to get you ready for the Gala. Whenever you are ready, please come out,” calls a sweet voice.

“Oh, is it really that time already?” you comment.

“Yes, ma’am but no worries, we have plenty of time. Prime Alpha Kim stressed the importance of going at your pace to ensure your relaxation,” Bethany Ann informs. “We will wait for you in the living room.”

You think whelp time for solitude is over as you climb out of the bath and dry off. You have to remember that in the future, you can ask the boys for anything, even alone time. They have told you that, and so has their manager, Sejin. 

After slipping on Namjoon’s robe, you cannot help but smile as the scent of leather blends with the vanilla from your bath. Surprisingly, it is a delightful mix. The vanilla softens the leather, offering comfort and a sense of safety. 

Namjoon is the leather boy of the group. Being a Prime Alpha, it makes sense that his scent is naturally stronger. It makes it easier for him to leave his scent behind as a show of possession and territory.

Walking out of the bathroom, a blush settles over your cheeks at the thought of having the Alaskan Timber Wolf hybrid claim possession over you. 

“Ma’am?” asks a younger woman standing at your doorway. “If you please, would you follow me to the living room? Bethany Ann thought that it would be easier for the Alphas of the house to watch you from there without being in the way.”

“Sure, but you won’t have to worry about them. Jimin and Yoongi know to stay out of the area,” you mention, following behind her.

“True, I believe it was the two of them that may have dragged the third one away,” she giggles.

“Oh? Third one? Jungkook?” Your confusion is showing.

“Ah yes, he wasn’t happy with Bethany Ann being present since she is of hybrid descent,” the young lady smiled softly. “He was worried about scent tainting, but Miss Bethany Ann doesn’t have any scent glands.”

“Yep, I was born with them but they weren’t very strong. My mother was human, and my father was a hybrid, which means I only got the smaller scent glands, fluffy hair, body structure, and strange sleeping habits,” Bethany Ann says as she joins the conversation. 

“Oh, I didn’t know that traits would pass down like that,” you say in awe. 

“There are more hybrid mixed humans out there than people are aware of. Many end up losing their physical animal features but keep some of the other behavioral or physical traits.” Bethany Ann smiles.

“How can you not have a scent but you have scent glands?”

Bethany Ann’s smile falters, but before you can withdraw your question, she says, “Bears have glands in either their hands or feet.  I ended up with skin cancer that spread to the scent glands in my feet. I was lucky enough that we caught it and removed the infected tissues before it got any farther.”

“Anyways, we are here to turn you from the pretty woman you already are into a gorgeous princess ready for her ball right?” Bethan Ann says as she has you sit in a salon chair. 

Everything before you that is set up on the vanity before you look brand new: makeup, jewelry, and hair pieces. Bethany Ann is the principal stylist and has two human assistants: Cindy and Kat. 

Bethany Ann oversees your makeup, Cindy works on your hair, and Kat deals with your nails. Soon enough, the three of you laugh, and it feels like you have known them for years. 

You learn that Bethany Ann met Cindy and Kat, a mom-and-kid duo rocking the Cosmetic industry, during BTS’s Love Yourself World Tour. They were set to go on the Map of the Soul tour, which got canceled. However, they got along so well and had an equal love for Ateez that they made their own line of cosmetics called MayNell.

You notice a purple, white, and silver trend in all of the choices. “I take it my dress is purple or white?”

“Ah, well we have a few choices for you that are either purple, white, silver, or black. Namjoon already has his suit ready and we will match his accessories to the color of your dress,” Bethany Ann informs you.

As a paid member of my Patreon, you can read the whole chapter now with the early release benefits!

Perminate Taglist - OPEN

@bethanysnow @braveangel777 @danielle143 @elliegrace1999 @skyys-universe

Series Taglist - Closed

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[witchy-v1xen]

No , because I agree and disagree at the same time. Analyzing the trailers and posters.

What I agree with-

Both sides doing some fucked up shit.

Corlys not being a person who sucked (bro lowkey made it to the end until his execution , was just an ass kisser , and was trying to live his life by doing what was asked of him)

Both being highly hypocritical.

Blaming Viserys (no need to explain)

Blaming Daemon (He has good fathering qualities but , he's a walking red flag and the blood and cheese incident in my perspective was psychological warfare to a certain degree. I'll explain this in another post)

Blaming Rhaenyra (to a certain extent , yes!)

Blaming both sides to a certain extent (All the way because , they weren't thinking about how this could effect their children)

Yes viserys could of got a paramour to help cope with Aemma or find an AGE APPROPRIATE suitor for himself (Not some innocent 14 , 15 , 16 , or 17 year old girl who wants to be teen idle and enjoy her girlhood)

Yes , Viserys treated Alicent like a glorified mistress and the children did get treated second-class.

What I don't agree with-

Blaming Alicent entirely (she was maritally raped; she was married young into an unwanted relationship she could not refuse at the hands of her manipulative, mentally abusive father and King Viserys himself) I do, however, know she did things out of fear, and we can see that in the trailer, she's slowly reverting back to her childhood self, hence why she's looking at Rhaenyra in the posters. She still feels guilty over what happened twenty years ago, and it's sad. Rhaenyra, however, is just like, "Fuck you, I'm coming for your son, no if's or but's about it." I do believe she is to blame for her children's deaths (to a certain extent , not all the way because , remember we've got Daemon , Viserys , Rhaenyra , and Otto in the conflict as well.)

Blaming Aegon (Yes , I agree with blaming him for his personal mistakes. Him being put on the throne obviously wasn't his fault. Aegon is quite impulsive and it shows. As the abused becomes the abuser.(This is shown with how Otto treats Alicent and how Alicent is with Aegon when it comes to fulfilling his forced role as king. I honestly do hope we get a good character development with Aegon. I'd like to see a very serious side to him especially after the future incidents that'll take place besides blood and cheese.)

The Jaehaera hate club (Like the Blackcels need a moral compass. I don't understand why some of you have hate towards a girl who has nothing to do with what happened, though she saw events take place and they affected her. She also succumbs a fate familiar to her mother.)

When "He or she is nothing but a victim" card is pulled on characters who've done some deceitful and feisty shit. The only characters who get the green light to pull this card is Jaehaera , Laena Velaryon , Aemma Arryn , Aegon the third , Viserys the Second , Laenor Velaryon (He just wanted to be in peace and live his life. People that he did justice for did him dirty.) Maelor (Aegon II's second son) , Helaena , and Jaehaerys the second. (I would add Joffrey Velaryon onto this list but , I'm not sure.)

Alicent deserved what happened to her; she deserved better to some extent, and so did Rhaenyra. Rhaenyra, however, is wrong for blaming Alicent and having beef with her two-year-old son. Both made mistakes to some extent, and what can be rightfully defended can be rightfully defended with logic.

Viserys not being bashed. He paved the way for people with daddy issues , mommy issues , anger issues , Depression (different types) , sociopathic issues , and adhd (Aegon) to all go to war with each other. He failed his children and set them up. They all deserved better to some extent. It's an ongoing domino effect that happened with Aegon the conqueror, his two sister wives and their children , Aegon the unworthy and his illegitimate children who he legitimated upon his death. The dynasty got fucked over multiple times in history but the dance made the biggest permeable impact. Everyone's desires came at a cost and most did not take accountability. In conclusion, that is my analysis.

[dandymaximilian]

I know the idea of Winnie the Pooh characters representing mental illness is overdone to death, but I can't help but be intrigued by it. What if the reason everyone display these symptoms is because they were specifically created to hold onto them?

What if Christopher Robin has Dissociative Identity Disorder or Otherwise Specified Dissociative Disorder?

What if, to cope with severe parental neglect, his brain created a world of people who would love him unconditionally?

Disclaimer: This is for a fictional interpretation of Christopher Robin, not the real person. This is based on the Disney version of the stories. Also, this idea is for entertainment purposes only, so artistic liberties are made.

--

We start with Roo and Kanga, who are the classic mother and son archetype.

Roo represents the person Christopher wants to be in real life. He wants to be curious, bold, and michevious, but he also wants to be nurtured.

Essentially, Roo's a child alter meant to hold onto Christopher's innocence. Kanga exists to be Roo's, as well as everyone else's, caretaker and soother. She represents the mother figure Christopher wishes he had in the outer world.

Next, Tigger holds onto Christopher's ADHD/autism symptoms, as well as his desire to stim openly.

In the outer world, Christopher is severely stifled and is not allowed to express these traits to people. Therefore, they are passed on to Tigger to hold onto. Tigger is very rambunctious and carefree.

However, his desire to find other Tiggers and his catchphrase of "being the only one" represents the loneliness Christopher feels because of his neurodiversity. He wants to be proud of being unique, but really, he feels alone.

Furthermore, characters like Piglet, Rabbit, and Pooh are all symptoms holders as well.

Piglet holds onto anixety. Additionally, he holds onto Christopher's feelings of being overlooked and underappreciated. Meanwhile, Rabbit holds onto perfectionism and an obsession for order.

Due to being raised in a strict environment, Christopher feels immense pressure to live up to the high expectations of society. Thus, Rabbit and Piglet are high-strung because that's how Christopher feels in his day to day life. Rabbit also represents the limitations society puts onto Christopher, which is why he is so judgemental.

Similarly, Eeyore holds onto Christopher's traits depression and isolation. He feels left out even among the other alters because he is inherently created to be an outcast.

Eeyore's desire for a tail stems from a longing to be "normal." Just as Eeyore thinks a tail will make him happier and more accepted by his peers, Christopher thinks that "masking" will do the same. In reality, what they want will always be out of reach. Perhaps temporary, but never permanent.

Owl is a factive based on Christopher's teachers, presenting as a mentor to the other alters. Yet, his lessons are confusing and nonsensical to the audience because Christopher's own struggle with school.

Owl also holds onto Christopher's dyslexia and learning disabilities, concealed by a false sense of ego and bravado. The same type of attitude that Christopher's teachers presents on a daily basis.

Lastly, Winnie also holds onto Christopher's autistic symptoms. While everyone displays these traits, Tigger and Winnie hold onto the "least socially acceptable" qualities. Hence why Rabbit often has conflict with them.

Winnie and Tigger lack social awareness, are blunt, and can accidentally hurt the others due to misunderstanding their body language and facial language.

On a different note, Winnie is obsessed with honey, which represents Christopher's desire to overeat in real life. This is a coping mechanism for his isolation, and later on, the ongoing stress of boarding school.

Overall, the Winnie the Pooh cast are alters created to hold onto traits that Christopher can't express in the outer world. The Hundred Acre Woods acts as an inner world for the alters and Christopher to escape the daily stress of life.

Unfortunately for Christopher, the demands of boarding school leave him unable to visit most of the time. However, he can still watch their misadventures from the outside.

Additionally, the various stories of Winnie the Pooh represent changes in his life, as well as actual events in the outer world.

Tigger's movie represents Christopher wanting a family that is neurodivergent but finding solace in his alters. On the other hand, Piglet's movie showcases Christopher feeling like an outcast that is taken for granted and once again finding solace in his alters. And so on, so forth.

In the end, Christopher is forced to suppress his alters, so they are permanently trapped in the Hundred Acre Woods, always yearning for their host. They have no idea what lies beyond their home because they have never known anything else. And they never will.

[floodkiss]

A couple weeks ago, I led a zine making workshop/Palestinian solidarity event for my local Asian racial solidarity group. I gave a primer on zines and DIY as well as the political roots of DIY publishing, and some tutorials. The theme was reconnecting to resistance in an open learning circle since the Asian continent has a long and wide breadth history of resistance. We provided zine making supplies and I brought both some Palestinian zines and a curated collection of examples from my personal zine library! It was also potluck style.

It was kind of interesting leading this workshop! I don't consider myself to be an expert on revolutionary histories, there's a lot of theory and info to catch up on, but I read a lot of PFLP and Palestinian resistance writing when I was in my undergrad because I was able to meet Joe Sacco who was the cartoonist who published Footnotes in Gaza and Palestine (around 2017?). I also designed some posters for his Toronto visit in partnership with the TPFF. Most significantly, I read Strategy for the Liberation of Palestine by the PFLP - it is both a historical document and a live program that lays out the fundamentals of Palestinian liberation as well as localized analysis (160~ pages). There were Asian people in attendance originating from all over the continent and of varying faiths but no one was familiar with historic Palestinian resistance, only with the current narrative about israhelli occupation - so of course I was happy to to talk about Ghassan Kanafani, Leila Khaled, and the PFLP and the historic 3rd world solidarity movements across Asia!

Most people weren't familiar with zines either, so I was also very sparkly-eyed in info dumping about zines to the room! One of the participants brought musakhan rolls which are a traditional Palestinian dish... they were SO yummy... I did have more than I should have... and they included the recipe as one of the zine pages!!! There were also many Filipinos present resulting in me going home with a lot of leftover turon (it helped me survive my ongoing depressive episode in April lol)

Overall it was so nice having conversations with others regardless of where they were at in their politicization journey. There is always more to learn, and more time to spend with one another...and we can all grow together too 🫶🏼 politicization can be very personal and I think as long as we can develop principles, sense for collective, and maintain revolutionary imagination - we can survive together!

Here are some of the Palestinian zines that I brought for people to sift through! I have like 20+ pdfs on my computer and more from encampments that I've visited and will hopefully scan soon!

Palestine: An Introduction from DecolonizePalestine ABCs of Occupation & Resistance by Rachel Mattson The Palestinian Struggle for National Liberation by OBF-HRD/Manila University BDS: What it is, Why it matters by Leila Abdula Razzaq Digitized copy of Ghassan Kanafani by Anni Kanafani (Beirut, 1973), found via the internet archive! From Galilee to Gaza, A voice from Palestine from CrimetheInc. Handala and Other Symbols of Palestinian Resistance & Revolution by...me! (I'll add a link later)