everything-transmasculine

[everything-transmasculine]

please please dont abandon this blog its so rare that transmascs have spaces just for us that arent violently transandrophobic

i wont anon! i promise you, i have no intentions of abandoning this blog! ultimately my goal with having two blogs is to be able to talk about the things im most passionate about, without detracting from the message of everything-transmasculine - at the end of the day, whats most important to me is making sure transmasculine people have a place to speak about their own experiences, and i have a place to speak with all of you about things not limited to just transmasculinity! the best of both worlds. :)

[everything-transmasculine]

hello all! first off, a huge thank you to everyone here - without you, this blog wouldnt be possible!

i wanted to make a small announcement in between answering anons and the like - my sister and i have now made a blog for discussions outside of transmasculinity! this blog will be for discussing everything and anything, the sky is the limit!

come check morgan & i out on @everything-everythng !

(and dont worry, this doesnt mean this blog will be abandoned! i plan on dividing my time evenly between this blog, and the other!)

[everything-transmasculine]

Old friends cut me off and it made me reflect on our old friendship ig. It was. Honestly always kinda fucked. When I came out as trans I was immediately treated differently. Like, when they thought I was a girl I was treated nicely but apparently now that I'm a boy that means I'm "just as bad as all cis men" because I "betrayed women." I was constantly only gendered correctly only when it was to make fun of me and honestly it fucking sucked. Idk why I kept the friendship until THEY cut ME off (over something stupid but I'm not gonna go into detail)

Honestly I just wish most of my irl friends actually saw me as a boy

i was actually speaking with my sister (who is a cis woman) about this phenomenon of non-transmascs who intentionally misgender and malgender transmascs under the hopes that it will 1) detransition them or 2) reinforce the radfeminist pov that all men are evil, and therefore to “choose” to be a man is inherently evil” in a catch-22 sort of way.*

your friends were truly terrible to you, and you did not deserve that - there is no change to the person whenever someone transitions, you should treat everyone with respect, kindness, and dignity regardless if theyre cis or trans, because ultimately that person is still your friend. im sure youll be able to make friends that see you as who you are, and respect and care about you deeply. dont give up hope - not everyone is going to act like that, and the vocal minority who does is just that…. a minority.

*theres more i can (and want to) say about this, and i likely will on another post, with input from my peers.

[everything-transmasculine]

I don't want to be depressing but I'm a transmasc teenager so here we go

Is there ever a point where you stop wanting to claw your skin off? I love the trans community and I think I'm proud to be myself but I hate being trans. I can never get the thought out of my head that life would be so much better if I was a cis guy. I always feel like I have to miss out on all of the experiences the guys around me have. I feel so wrong all the time. Even when I'm happy I can't stop feeling just incorrect in some way. Will there ever be a point where that stops and people recognize you for who you are?

anon, 1) this is a good place to be depressing - im here for you, and im here to help with those feelings. 2) i can 100% promise you it gets better. coming from experience - that point is different for everyone, but you will get to the point where the discomfort, that feeling of missing out, that “incorrect” feeling… it completely stops, and all you feel is comfort and peace in your own body. im at that point now! sure, theres still surgeries id like to get, different things i want to do to my appearance, but that doesnt mean im not happy in my body!

truly, from the bottom of my heart, it really is just that nightmare of a time that is being a teenager coupled with the dysphoria and dysmorphia that comes with being trans in this day and age. ive actually talked with many of my peers, siblings, and friends on this - cis or trans, those feelings are actually way more common than youd think! everyone feels like theyre missing out, theyre not doing it right, theyre wrong or that they dont belong - even when theyre happy - its just a byproduct of how we, as a society, approach and treat people when they are in their teenage years.

it gets better, i promise. you just have to remember until it does - in the end, its going to be okay. if its not okay, its not the end.

[everything-transmasculine]

HELLO!!! yall are very cool !!!

im more a nonbinary with varying femme/masc presentation but i really appreciate all yall do!!!

so uhh yeah hope yall have a good day!!!

💙

[everything-transmasculine]

anon, while i completely agree with you, i will get termed if i post that unfortunately.

[everything-transmasculine]

i dont even know if i want to be trans anymore, everyone keeps telling me that i dont actually experience the things i do, the constant misogyny and misgendering and “youre a man, why dont you just take it” and then when i finally break down and tell people to please just stop hurting me, im labeled as some sort of dangerous monster who only thinks about himself. if this is what being trans is like, its almost better for me to detransition - because at least when i was a girl, people believed me when i said horrible things happened to me

anon, please please please do not put your worth in the hands of people who dont care about you. there are good and kind people out there, and there are people who will believe you, uplift you, and celebrate you. i hope to be one of those people - even if im just words on a screen, im here for you. you arent a monster, you dont deserve cruelty, and you certainly dont deserve bigotry.

there is a better future for us, we just have to keep fighting. you are so much more than what terms other people have decided to apply to you. you deserve the world, anon, you just have to reach out and take it.

[everything-transmasculine]

one of my fondest memories from my early days of transition is the first time i put on a binder and wore it to the lake. i was no older than 16 at the time, and it was the first binder i had ever gotten (a gift from a transmasc friend who had grown out of it over time - though i never minded wearing secondhand clothes)

i remember the way it felt to wear something identical to my skin tone on the shore, black swim trunks and all, and i felt, in that moment, a sense of euphoria - a feeling id chased my whole childhood, leaning into my “tomboy” nature and roughhousing with my brothers. i swam around the lake, for once not worrying about the lines of a skin tight bathing suit, or what other people thought when they saw my short hair and undercut, i swam freely and lightly and laughed as i enjoyed the hot air coupled with the cool water, and the freedom that came with being myself. i had changed my name to a nickname shortly prior - something close to my deadname, for plausible deniability, but still androgynous - and in that moment i didnt feel like i was anything but myself. and what a wonderful feeling it is, to be yourself.

its been a decade, but i havent stopped feeling that wonderful feeling since - sometimes all it takes is a little lake water, a severe sunburn, and a secondhand binder.

itll be different for everyone - but i hope we all get to experience that euphoria for many years to come.

[everything-transmasculine]

hello all! im doing a quick interest check here on something out of the ordinary for this blog!

[everything-transmasculine]

just saw that typo… 🤦‍♂️ thank you to everyone who has voted so far!

hello all! im doing a quick interest check here on something out of the ordinary for this blog!

[everything-transmasculine]

hello all! im doing a quick interest check here on something out of the ordinary for this blog!

[everything-transmasculine]

im assuming this anon will get deleted, just because when it comes to talks on intersectionality of race and queerness black and brown queer ppl are most often ignored and talked over, but i think it needs to be said that whenever someone is trying to play off transmascs as unable to face discrimination they usually pull up the national survey on transgender violence to be like “see! only 20% of murders were transmascs! youre not oppressed at all! transfems are murdered 80% of the time!” like 1) 73% of murdered trans women are BLACK. they are black women and brown women being brutalized, tortured, and murdered because they are POC and QUEER. in that order. and 2) why is any murder rate for trans ppl “acceptable”???? there should be ZERO ppl getting murdered for being trans.

anon, ive been thinking of how to best respond to this since you sent this in a couple weeks ago. i wanted to take time to research and learn more on how racism intersects with queerness, and how that intersection can lead to more danger for nonwhite people. but, ultimately, what i could come up with really doesnt add anything to this that you havent already said (or that wouldnt be speaking over you on an incredibly sensitive subject.)

why do we, as a community, feel comfortable taking the statistics of violence against WOC, and using them as a gotcha point to minimize the violence against other trans people? why do we, as a community, feel the need to take these, quite frankly, harrowing statistics for the deaths of WOC, and make them about white people? we should never be using the lives of our trans siblings of colour - lives that have been horrifically taken, no less - to prop up arguments to hurt eachother. we should be celebrating our trans siblings, and using our power and privilege as white people to make sure that those of us who are, categorically, denied privilege and safety are safe and cared for.

like you said - there should be zero people being murdered for being trans. there should be no acceptable rate of death for trans people, regardless of whether theyre transfem, transmasc, or transneu.

here are some resources specifically for trans POC, if anyone has any other resources please feel free to leave them in the notes of this post;

https://blacktransmen.org/resources

https://blacktrans.org

csu northridge resources (this has external links to many different resources outside of california!)

[everything-transmasculine]

apologies for the short hiatus everyone! i will be answering anons today, so please feel free to submit anything and everything if youd like to! :)

[everything-transmasculine]

hiii ive just found your blog and wanted to say some stuff, sorry if any of this is wrong place whoopsie

1. what is "transandrophobia" theory? ive heard the term before but not about a theory surrounding it

2. im getting top surgery real soon!!!

3. my mother is very supportive but at the end of the day, shes still cis. shes said that i dont know what misogyny is like, that i have male privilege, and that the trans community feels like a cult to her sometimes because i said that i would be more harmed by transphobia and transphobic legislation than her and the rest of my family would. also said that me saying shes cis was offensive and reacted like i was calling her a slur

theres lots of other weird things my family have said before, but none have hurt me as much as that. only exception maybe being when my aunt said she couldnt support me getting top surgery cus its mutilation ://

hi anon! welcome to our little corner of the internet! :) ill be responding to your anon in three parts.

1. transandrophobia is the (currently) used word to describe the unique intersection of struggles transmasculine people face - this includes misogyny, transphobia, and transmisandry (which is a specific form of antimasculinity that is applied to transmasculine people, but not cis men.) to break it down - its the derivative of transandro + phobia. the hatred and bigotry directed towards transmasculinity and transmasculine people because they are transmasculine.

2. congratulations!! i hope your surgery goes well, and your healing even better!!! :)

3. it sounds like your mother is going down an alt-right pipeline - i think its important to remind people who are going down that path that transition is no more dangerous or different than someone changing their name after theyre married, or someone getting a new nickname, or even just a new haircut. transitioning is not a cult, it is a community of marginalized people. when my mother started to go down that path, i reminded her that she doesnt consider other marginalized groups as cults - so why is she considering trans people one? its important to discuss and examine bias, and where that bias is coming from. ignorance is your worst enemy, next to misinformation! (and, if all else fails - remind people that just because they dont experience a unique form of oppression, doesnt mean that it doesnt exist!)

[everything-transmasculine]

hi there! Saw a post a bit back about facial masculinization surgery, and while I didn't have FMS exactly, I've had orthognathic surgery (essentially, "getting my jaw rearranged") that can be used as jaw masculinization. Just wanted to say— I'm open to messages + questions from people who want to know more about the recovery process + experience!

thank you so much for being a resource to our community!!

[everything-transmasculine]

my mom just ordered me a binder!!!!! (my first one)

congratulations anon!!! thats amazing news!! i hope its a comfortable fit, and brings you much joy!

[everything-transmasculine]

I'm getting real tired of being seen as a little boy lol

I don't mean infantalized, but I mean people visually mistake me for a teenager when I'm in my twenties.

I've had people ask me if I'm over 18 repeatedly irl, I've had people crowd around me in games that use voice chat saying I sound like I'm 15 (and not believe me when I say otherwise), I've had people respond with genuine shock when I tell them my age

Some say its a compliment to look so young but I'm sick of it. I want to look like my age as a man. I want people to see me as an adult man.

Like cool, I pass, but only as a teenage boy. Which makes it really hard to be taken seriously.

anon, i totally understand where youre coming from - i used to be mistaken for someone much younger, and its infuriating when it happens. ive found changing how i hold myself/my posture helped somewhat - societally, people tend to see those who walk and hold themselves with broad body language and things similar to that as more masculine. i hope that the people around you treat you with more kindness, and dont underestimate your age anymore!