#i think it could facilitate kids/teens to help more too

[threadmonster]

The local laundromat is gonna have an arcade and that is the exciting news for the summer. Just like random older machines like the truck stops. If you understand, you understand.

They used to have just this singular one that sat on a table and my friend and I would just hang out there in middle school.

I'm from a small town, okay.

[runespoor7]

WWX/NHS for the ship ask?

based on the nature of the questions, I'm gonna say *make a so-so gesture with their hand* kinda.

What made you ship it?

It's not so much shipping as... a mix of "sure why not" and "this could be interesting" and a pinch of "this is funny /chengxian-related".

What are your favorite things about the ship?

As far I'm concerned, there are two flavours I can see.

a) is teenaged shenanigans in Cloud Recesses. Bros helping bros fooling around together. JC is way too stuck-up for this kind of fun, but NHS and WWX have no such compunction! The book has this amazing description of NHS when WWX sees him in the Cloud Recesses, something like "he looked like you could bully him into anything" or something equally side-eyeable. NHS sounds like he would be up to every single of WWX's bad ideas and he wouldn't grouch about it either.

it's about teenaged experimentation, and more than a little it's also about chengxian. (as in, it's hilarious to me when WWX is going after everyone who isn't JC, rip JC; and also it's about WWX running from thinking about JC and what he feels for JC. as usual.)

b) is post-canon stuff, and that part is super interesting to me. WWX was brought up because of NHS; how does he feel about that? (does WWX make a parallel between who he was to NHS, and what WN is to him? does he feel used, is my question?)

NHS has changed since they were kids, but unlike JC WWX wasn't very invested in him back then. Of course WWX is happy by the end of the book, but... if he gets restless, if his life is sated enough that he starts wondering in the direction of NHS... NHS too has become a mystery. One that WWX saw through at the end of the book, sure, but did he really?

I can see WWX poking around NHS, trying to get a picture of who NHS is now, what he's doing. NHS hasn't seemed as taken with WWX as any of WWX's sidekicks flavor of the month LWJ/JC/WN sidekicks... not even in the Cloud Recesses... or did he, back then? did WWX just not really realize because NHS was more timid than them, not as likely to throw himself into danger? it was a long time, though. Even if he once was willing to follow WWX, now he isn't. ...But he did facilitate WWX's return. Why WWX.

What I like about this idea is that WWX comes into it not as sure of himself as usual. NHS is an unknown-dangerous quantity, one who used to be friend-like. WWX doesn't own NHS even a little bit.

I think maybe NHS wouldn't hate playing games with WWX. They're only little games. NHS doesn't have any more secrets or grand plans. But talking with WWX is a thrill all the same - like he still has things to hide! And WWX was always such a fascinating person, charming and fearless.

I see them having pointed conversations over drinks that turn into veiled flirting that turn into something more over time.

I see NHS sighing about sect leader duties, and WWX wanting to nod; still neither of them likes the weight of responsibilities. And it would be poignant, I think, for them to commiserate and yet to feel the gulf that separates them from who they were as teens.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I don't know what's popular here, sorry.

[mylawcitrus]

Why age gaps bother people

Where I live, there's old people and there's young people, then there's normal people, who are somewhere in the middle, a little bit too young for some, a little bit too old for others.

The fact we seek interaction is an internet phenomenon that's widely known and majorly accepted, but the nature goes through some "funneling" and I don't wanna discuss this with poets, I wanna discuss this with Tumblr, and not the staff, I think. I've never used Tumblr to seek age gap associated content. Never, ever. This is not my problem. I've used WordPress, in fact, to shed a light on some of the problems I was seeing.

But there are a few things you should know.

Nobody even understands or accepts "consent".

This means to say that if you're talking to someone who's underage, it's a crime, if you're an adult, potentially -- no matter the content, and most importantly, no matter the nature of the rest of the interactions, which is a place where people don't go to: you're gonna have to label stuff more precisely, for example classifying teens separetely from pre-teens, and you're gonna have to figure out whether or not someone in between the ages of 18 and 21 is an "adult".

2. There's psychological studies about brain development that deny consent as were taught it meant

People will say that not until you're over 30 have you fully developed a consciousness of things around you and a capacity to critically process and act upon the most important aspects of your practical life, or something along those lines. These people are not the lawyers of Snapchat, are they?

3. Personally, I've always sought consent

I've had conversations with lots of teenagers, and I've said things like "you look young". And I had to learn that some people weree triggered by that. They were just tryng to talk. And then I said things like "I'm just trying to see some different people, skip if you want" (on Omegle). On Snapchat, I've used Quick Add to find people looking for sext, but the platform facilitates and actually (this is serious) actively engineers incentives for interaction between people with an age gap. Seriously, I've seen avatars with white hair with patches missing. I've sent lots, but everybody knows it doesn't even mean anything, it's just like, "annoying" after you're trying to have decent conversation and everyone's acting retarded -- is the common sense, but the parents! Oh the conservative parents! When they don't threaten you one way, it's another! They want the best for their kids, and in the end they're raising a generation of bullies, to put it lightly, and people who couldn't care less about school, who do horrible things in school, by the way, and in case they take school too seriously, which is the other side of the spectrum, they're not gonna consider the fact that, "hey, I could talk to a stranger today". These people are planning to be AI specialists by 21, and practicing with generative text today which is based on such a series of preconceptions that they don't even notice that the AI wasn't trained to talk like Gen Z, but if they allow that, everyone's gonna be like "wait, they did what to our data?" -- and there's your consent...

4. The so-called "unsolicited" interactions, pictures and the like were solicited as fuck, bitch!

I didn't go to a point where I used my ssocial media to promote my body and ask money to get undressed and perform explicit sexual acts, honing my skills, so to speak, or anything like that. I just sought people who were lonely. My story, all of it, is exactly that, and I've found people who shared very serious stuff about their lives and we fucking helped each other, I made friends, and my friends were ordinary people, not famous and rich people. Eventually, I would be more "straight to the point" in what I was seeking, but you don't get to shove that in my face while you and I know that there were outside actors propelling this behavior, incentivizing, betting on it, for personal gain or for whatever the fuck you wanna twist it into to fit the word "representation". It's like having the freedom to say the word "bitch": notice in the world around you (and search for your wording in your language) what bothers you when it comes from a teenager, and you'll see that the problem is a little deeper. It comes from what the internet represented in terms of how society was organized, including moms who have to work and don't have time to take care of the kids, dads who are never there, and a lot of really young people having sex and having babies. Was the baby fucking solicited, honey?

So with all that in mind, I hope I can have a meaningful, positive conversation with the girl who I met and is graduating from college this year, even if it's to say "congrats on your new chapter", and that's it... while the internet, no matter the case, no matter what's happened, no matter what my rights are, no matter what's best for her, no matter how much people have already explored this and so many other cases, will be like "lol he ain't getting pussy no more, bro be mad as hell, nigga gonna ask for money in the street to buy a fleshlight lmao"

Because, I don't know if you noticed, that's going soft. A homeless person just approached me and said that "people comment" on stuff. She insinuated something, she strolls the neeighborhood. I'm aware, honey, that people comment. But I'm fighting for a world where justice means you and I both have dignity, and maybe you, lady who I often help, should either seek institutional help or at least realize that I can't fix your issue while having a lot of my own to deaal with -- and just half an hour ago I was treating severe leg infection on my dad.

Tumblr,

Thanks for listening.

My Patreon:

[unproduciblesmackdown]

oh hell yes, had entirely forgotten those details about the novel & sure relevant...had definitely been thinking about how they both have their Veneers, of course meant to protect themselves & help them succeed, but with alana's being this energetic cheerfulness that doesn't necessarily mean like, chipper, much less constantly so, but more Always On & being glass half full what's next Optimism / Momentum (! always gotta be moving forward!! taylor!!!) & is also trying to be friendly & connect to others, with her ready to relate her own experiences to theirs & vice versa, despite the "normal" standard i guess dictating that if you do anything but go "wow that sucks" you Failed....while taylor's veneer is of course less outgoing & is really usually more about withholding the expression of negative emotions, while what people think about is this expectation of more Positive ones from them, which is more about the idea that taylor doesn't have the power to not try to "appeal" to people with Warmth or whatever....while alana as an isolated teen among teens Is trying to be warm and invite interaction, and we have that difference in her usual demeanor, but again this is seen as her doing things wrong / her trying to hide Her negative emotions / reactions with more positive ones is also not "right" b/c taylor's not "wrong" in their approach, alana being seen as having a cooler demeanor too wouldn't actually guarantee her success here....both have the issues of why they can't be more genuinely vulnerable in the first place, why their vulnerability is already made more vulnerable than others (also that alana being black could heighten this pressure to Be Warm, when a "lack" of that could be all the more scrutinized for it), why Anyone's sharing vulnerability is not facilitated / supported & not necessarily unpunished, regardless of how they put up any front / buffer against that. and very relevant and interesting that the novel perhaps writes her as, perhaps after seeing her as, "cold" as she's hurrying past any vulnerability (while the movie seems to approach giving her more sympathy from the start but also like dialing back her Whole Thing)

which then it's like, thinking of their Situations, school is supposedly not adversarial but yes it is, supposedly all about Merit, as grades & extracurriculars/other things recognized as Achievements, at least the latter of which we know alana is all about & recognizes herself as Succeeding in, though we know although this could be framed as like, wanting the competitive win of what looks good to college applications & the like, as evan accuses, that she does care about what she's doing & doesn't just consider herself to be looking for other people to acknowledge a Win....whereas taylor shakes up their environment right away via the "merit" as measured by success in business wins that thee boss recognizes & acknowledges, whereas an adversarial competition between the people trying to achieve is seen as what ought to matter to the point of being intrinsically equivalent to whatever Merit they have; taylor being this younger nonbinary intern who isn't aggressive & has skipped over "earning" whatever from employees is resented....thinking of a potential link too in if it's supposed to be resented like alana thinks she doesn't have to "earn" being liked if she's just on her own gotten these achievements she can cite, i know, wow....both ofc misfits, the good shit

definitely also thinking of that Momentum link, & both having the like, drivenness, ambition, Goals as important to them & something they're like set to pursue on their own. naturally alana's trying to succeed in the academic framework, presumably, where yeah extracurriculars can sure matter as like [uh oh college] is repeatedly made relevant for us, but also like as a kid Good At School is that whole huge overall thing you're Supposed to have going, so she can also just be interested in that in its own right, as taylor kind of is in being Good At Finance, in its own right wanting to see how good at it they are by just being here doing that, indefinitely. while caring at all about ethics also, pointed out as somewhat in opposition to this lol, your idealism is at war with your profit drive....while alana's relevance in tcp is first & foremost about idealism, of course, though characters & audiences can interpret how aware she is / motivated she is by her getting Anything out of it of course, popularity, image, an extracurricular to cite, her desire to connect, her desire to yknow Herself feel like she's succeeding in helping other people, when only now do we see her getting access to all these people's response to her efforts in apparent confirmation of that successful connection & helping....and that both characters are quite like, presumably very used to being on their own & so like, self-defined, -determined, -motivated, of course caring about connection & feedback but like again with the goals they've been pursuing on their own anyways so are set like, here's alana pushing ahead with tcp stuff & willing to handle it on her own if need be, taylor has to eventually have a tmc, they like to have friends, but they only Must have allies in terms of like, they never have all the power they need to avoid more total thwarting without it

also like, well wait i was gonna say this came from some like way early in development stuff so hardly necessarily fully counted as like applicable to the bway version as the main reference point here: wherever that too-official comment on alana's character was from yknow basically framing it as her personal failure to not have friends lmao, that she like fails to get why her approach hasn't succeeded in that realm, like nice resent that always....compared to taylor in their material where like as you said the Criticisms that taylor's a nonhuman nonemotion sicko robot happening a bit too often and not being apologized for or recanted, while also taylor has to claim that wendy, the most prominent understander that taylor has feelings of course (& user of that knowledge to hurt them as much as possible but whaddaya gonna do (nothing!! or else!!) she's gotta be wendy!), is that crucial copilot, wendy who also e.g. steps in when taylor's bestie says they don't have feelings & doubles down w/o apology thee end, & wendy being like "hmm that's right i didn't Manage you well enough. only for sicko business wins" Almost As Though the show that has wendy Managing the feelings of axe & the like, primarily how he gets to turn them all into the problem of everyone around him while wendy's job is to enable this by sabotaging those affected from just getting away from this & to also be in charge of being on speed dial to pat axe on the head if he's noticed he's sad about something....as though the show thinks wendy's role to taylor is actually comparable when mostly wendy hurting them on purpose is the cause of taylor lashing out, which then other non wendy people handle &/or else just suffer, & wendy sometimes giving taylor advice or being a business sidekick for a moment but it's more fleeting & peersish than wendy's life handling axe's shit, & wendy sometimes giving taylor driveby criticism b/c they thwarted Her & she'll say they're like axe, who btw she unconditionally supports & will bail on taylor to help never vice versa & nobody's calling axe a sicko robot & etcccc a bit of a tangent there to get around to "billions does think taylor's too Weird with their affect & feelings; this is Wrong, a Failing" such as that it's objective, necessary feedback that now & then someone says they're not having feelings being a person right & stalks off & while ofc taylor is a person with feelings & the show knows it, it just sure also seems to be like, yes, it Would be better if taylor was warmer & more emotive in a deemed "normal" way, people Would stop getting to accuse them of being a machine & be treated like that's Right by characters, arcs, lack of [what happens b/c they're wrong], comparative lack of [what happens b/c it was Right to notice taylor's feelings more accurately]....while of course alana's source material is different in many ways but her "failures" to connect compared to others do also go a bit More punished as it were, there's only so many characters & the teens are peers in [age basically, being in high school, degrees of extra isolation] but alana & jared are gone in the end & the [the Theoretical concept of Romance is intact] & [no Families have further fractured!] with which evan has some Resolution in the finale are, so far as we know, not particularly applicable to these two when (a) evan didn't regard them as romantic candidates, so far as we know & (b) what we heard about their families is that alana's grandma died & jared's parents don't know anything about him, which he prefers. & then also You Don't Need Friends They Disappoint You.gif applies all around lmao. & can only speculate about anything else, like how the rest of tcp went for alana, though we know the orchard that's crucial in this finale was reopened, & seems like alana would've been involved & seems less likely anyone else would've been. taylor walking into tmf alone....

well an effort to discern any key points as its own effort to wrap this up, for now, juxtaposition thoughts are eternal: yeah the difference in their demeanors while in both cases it's extra vulnerable people who can't show it, extra alone people who are used to having to Go it alone & can / will do so, they're strategic & focused on these goals & always wanting to be moving forward / doing more, we could of course compare like [characters who feel defined by some measure of Success & if they don't have the achievements to show for it then who are they, what are they doing, what now] perhaps lol in broader classic themes, similarly/relatedly/perhaps mostly restatedly lol that of course amidst these supposed more objective measurements of success it's like but what about the Personal motivation, which perhaps we want to resolve....criticism about their motivations & their efforts to realize goals, whether from other characters, or perhaps the story/material, or audiences, some like "this character criticizing them isn't considered accurate" vs when it more so Is, when there's this double standard at play scrutinizing this character on xyz basis vs others....both being these characters like succeeding on their own but of course being unfulfilled upon their introduction, pushing towards these goals along the path they see fit & willing to go it alone but knowing that's not ideal, even in terms of just strategy, characters we do of course get these looks beyond their most usual kind of relatively guarded / defensive modes, Performing, Achieving, Impressiveness, if i just keep [merit]ing it then surely [...? everything i want? what else could i do to pursue That?], being seen as intense, perhaps even both cold, despite the differences in affect....lone person continuously striving to Achieve while there might be people around going like "but have you tried being more Normal with it though" but if people need them to be "appealing" in that way and will leave them on their own, there they go, making it on their own some more just as they have been

thinking about those "the ways alana beck and taylor mason can be juxtaposed"

much to consider… first thing that comes to mind is the deh novel leaning hard on evan going “wow i always thought alana was so robotic and calculated… but maybe… she Is a person after all?” (as detailed here), compared & contrasted with multiple characters going “god taylor you’re such a robot, you’re not even human” and then never apologizing for or recanting it. and this is despite them taking very different approaches here, alana going for Smiling And Happy And Helpful while taylor goes for stoicism and emotional Neutrality. hm what else is there. i’m kind of stuck here actually. what are your thoughts on the matter

[harderbetterfasterstarker]

not starker, but why the hell not. i recently finished this endhawks fic, and endhawks is a ship that i feel like hits a lot of the same buttons for me as starker does, so if you’re interested, check out the first two chapters below, and the rest is on ao3 here. 

Local Teen schemes to shame father, accidentally gets him a boyfriend instead.

Enji watched carefully now, took in the way that Hawks and Shouto were tucked into a corner of the room. Enji couldn’t see his face clearly, just the edge of his profile, but it was enough to see that the sharp grin that had fallen from his face while he listened to Shouto was replaced now by a soft smile. Whatever he said brought a similar expression to Shouto’s face. Without understanding why, Enji looked away, struck with a sudden pang of emotion, too much all at once, and at first it registered as anger—always anger—but he wasn’t that kind of man anymore, so after a long moment clenching his hands, the tight hot knot of anger loosened, fell into separate threads of—sadness (I’ve never seen Shouto smile like that before, never), jealousy (why Hawks? what did he do to make you smile? why are you sharing this moment?), pride (because I’m glad it’s Hawks, you are both such good heroes, such good men), and, right there at the center of the knot, anger (at himself, always at himself, for not deserving these moments).

It had been a long meeting, at the end of a long week, but, after all they’d been through, there was something comforting about even the mildly overwhelming roar of so many heroes’ discordant chatter. Ostensibly, the purpose of these meetings was to facilitate information sharing, but Enji knew that they were as much about the reassurance of each other’s presence as anything else. They’d lost enough that it was still a relief to hear Fatgum’s loud laughter, Mirko’s booming voice as she retold the story of some villain capture. One voice he kept waiting to hear and didn’t—and Enji found himself turning to scan the room, until his eyes found bright red wings, and he could let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. It wasn’t that he didn’t know that Hawks was fine, but there was something about seeing those wings flutter and shift, the slope of his jaw as his mouth edged into a grin as he said something to make Shouto laugh—

Shouto?

Enji watched carefully now, took in the way that Hawks and Shouto were tucked into a corner of the room. Not out of sight, obviously, but far enough away that their conversation obviously read as private. After the laughter ended, Shouto said something else to Hawks, his face falling back into that tight little frown that he seemed to wear most of the time. Hawks listened for a while—actually listened, which was a shock in and of itself, that he wasn’t interrupting to bug and nag like he constantly did to Enji, which much mean this was something serious—and then was reaching out to rest a hand on Shouto’s shoulder. Enji couldn’t see his face clearly, just the edge of his profile, but it was enough to see that the sharp grin that had fallen from his face while he listened to Shouto was replaced now by a soft smile. Whatever he said brought a similar expression to Shouto’s face. Without understanding why, Enji looked away, struck with a sudden pang of emotion, too much all at once, and at first it registered as anger—always anger—but he wasn’t that kind of man anymore, so after a long moment clenching his hands, the tight hot knot of anger loosened, fell into separate threads of—sadness (I’ve never seen Shoto smile like that before, never), jealousy (why Hawks? what did he do to make you smile? why are you sharing this moment?), pride (because I’m glad it’s Hawks, you are both such good heroes, such good men), and, right there at the center of the knot, anger (at himself, always at himself, for not deserving these moments).  

“Endeavor-san?” Enji turned around to see the Midoriya kid looking up at him with those huge green eyes, holding one of those notebooks of his, and turned his attention to answering the kid’s question.

*

“Shouto.”

They were on their way out of the agency, Bakugo and Midoriya arguing over something just a few yards ahead, so Endeavor kept his voice low. The only indication that Shouto had heard him was a slight tension to his shoulders and a muttered ‘what’ so low that Enji almost didn’t hear it.

“What were you talking to Hawks about today? After the hero meeting?”

If anything, Shouto got tenser, his shoulders creeping higher.

“Nothing.”

“Is it something about hero work? Because Hawks is undoubtedly a good hero, but I could help with any questions you have.”

“Drop it, it’s nothing.” Shouto’s voice had edged out of his normal monotone and into a dangerous level of flatness, one that Enji was beginning to learn to heed, so he stayed silent and let Shouto catch up with Midoriya and Bakugo and slot in-between them to play peacemaker.

*

A week later, Hawks climbed through his office window while he was doing paperwork.

“Hawks.” He was trying for stern, but since everything at Jaku, Enji had had a hard time being stern with Hawks.

“Hey big guy! I know, I know—doors, not windows, but, c’mon, you’ve ridden in your elevator. Long wait, crowded, bo-ring. Why ride when you can fly?” Hawks was crossing the room to lean on an edge of his desk, while he let one of his feathers shut the window behind him.

“What are you doing here?”

“I just happened to be in the neighborhood, decided to drop in, check in, you know—the usual.” At that moment, Enji heard the distinct sound of a stomach growling, and turned to glare at Hawks.

“Really?”

“I mean maybe I forgot to eat lunch, but you know how busy heroing is! That’s not why I dropped by—or at least, not the only reason. I like you for more than your wallet, Endeavor-san.” Hawks was laughing, but his feathers were ruffling in a distinctly nervous way and he was running a hand through his hair. Enji sighed, and shoved his paperwork to the side.

“I’m too busy to go out anywhere—behind on paperwork after that minor gang bust earlier this week. We’ll go to the cafeteria.”

Hawks kept up his inane chatter as they walked through the halls down to the agency cafeteria on the second floor of his building, through the line for food, and all the way to the table, where Enji noticed that, as soon as they sat down, Hawks’ left wing slumped slightly, at an awkward angle.

“Hawks,” he said, interrupting the younger hero mid-sentence halfway through some kind of story about one of Mirko’s sidekicks’ birthday. “How did you get here?”

“Well, you see, when a mama bird loves a daddy bird—”

“You flew, didn’t you?” The sudden tightness in Hawks’ jaw and the bob his throat as he swallowed gave him away. “Hawks—you’re not supposed to be straining your wings or the new muscle in your back like that.”

“Number one, I didn’t know you cared!” Hawks was laughing cheekily, but avoided making eye contact.

“If you strain the muscle, you could do permanent damage. It’s a hero’s job to take care of themselves, Hawks.” He listened to Hawks’ half-hearted apologies and promises, making a mental note to keep a closer eye on the man, and noticed Shouto’s eyes on them from across the cafeteria.

*

“Was it about starting your own agency?”

“Was what—my conversation with Hawks? I told you to drop it.”

They were walking towards the UA dorms together—Shouto insisted that the students didn’t need to be walked to the door like children, but, thankfully, Eraserhead agreed with Enji that no matter how much the kids had proved themselves in battle, unnecessary risks remained unnecessary.

“Because while I hope you know that I would be happy for you to take over the agency some day, it’s fine if you want to start your own. Admirable, even. I could tell you about the early days of the agency. When I inherited it from your grandfather, it wasn’t—it was essentially starting anew. I could—”

“It wasn’t about starting my own agency.” Shouto had quickened his pace, and they were at the door to the dorms now.

“Well, then, was it—”

Shouto had shut the door in his face.

*

Enji knew he should drop it. He’d heard enough from his therapist about respecting boundaries, especially the fragile ones his children were trying to draw as they struggled their way towards healthy relationships with their father. But he couldn’t stop thinking about the look on Shouto’s face, that soft little smile—the trust in it, the comfort in it—and the twist of jealousy in his gut when he thought about that smile directed at him. He just wanted to show Shouto that if he would just let Enji in, he could be worth that smile too.

They were washing up after family dinner on a Thursday, the only two left in the estate. Fuyumi and Natsuo had already left to go back to the home they shared with Rei, and Enji would drive Shouto back to the UA dorms soon. Even silently washing dishes, Shouto’s mouth was drawn into a tiny little frown, and Enji couldn’t help but picture that smile.

“Was it about—”

“Seriously? It wasn’t even hero stuff, it was about guy stuff, okay?” Shouto dropped the plate he’d been holding, and Enji winced as he watched it chip against the counter.

“Guy stuff? Shouto, I’m a—”

“Not about being a guy. About being… into guys.”

There was a long, hesitant pause between them. Enji’s mind was flickering between stunned silence and deafening moments of too many thoughts, too much input.

“Because, you know, Hawks and Mirko are the only out heroes in the top ten.”

One thought floated to the top of Enji’s brain, and he couldn’t begin to (refused to) guess at why it was the first thought that came out.

“Hawks is gay?”

“I—Are you kidding?” One of the parts of Enji’s brain that was still working noted a lick of flame flickering across Shouto’s cheek. “I come out to you and that’s the first thing you have to say? You’re not surprised I’m gay?”

This—this he knew the answer to, though his mouth was still moving faster than his brain, and his therapist had warned him about speaking without thinking about thinking through the consequences first, but the last thing he’d said was Hawks is gay and the realization was still ringing in his brain when this should be about Shouto.

“Shouto. When you were six you informed me you were going to marry All Might.”

“And you told me to shut up with that disgusting nonsense!”

“Of course I did—you weren’t going to marry All Might!”

“Oh my—so you’re seriously trying to tell me you weren’t homophobic, that this was just about your stupid hatred of All Might?”

“Of course I’m not homophobic, I—” Enji could feel the temperature rising on both sides of the sink, could see more flames licking across Shouto’s face, uncontrolled, and he stopped himself. Took a long, deep breath the way that he’d practiced, let his mind clear into nothingness and then let himself feel each emotion, let each unnecessary thought drift away until he could find the words he wanted to say, the ones he meant to say.

“Shouto. I’m sorry that I ever made you feel like you had to hide this part of yourself from me. Who you love will not stop me from being proud of you. I understand why you didn’t want to tell me or talk to me about this, and I’m glad Hawks is someone you feel comfortable speaking about this with.”

Shouto looked frozen, eyes wide open, as Enji slowly turned to continue doing the dishes. Silence reigned until they were sitting in the car on the way back to UA, when Shouto finally muttered, eyes fixed firmly out the window—

“Thanks, Dad.”

*

The next day at the weekly hero meeting, Enji couldn’t help but notice Hawks more than usual. He’d never bothered learning any personal information about his fellow heroes—irrelevant—and he told himself that it remained irrelevant. It shouldn’t change the way that he saw Hawks at all.

He watched Hawks stretch his wings behind himself, laughing at something Mirko said.

Nothing should change.

He watched Hawks take a seat next to his intern, the one from Shouto’s class, leaning over to mutter something to the stoic teen that made a hint of a smile break out on his face.

Nothing should change.

From across the room, Shouto’s eyes on him caught his attention. Shouto looked away before they made eye contact and turned to Bakugo, saying something that started more of Bakugo’s infernal yelling.

Nothing had changed.

*

It wasn’t even a week later that Hawks was at his office door again.

“I used the elevator this time. Aren’t you proud of me, number one?” He looked pleased with himself, and a little more put together than the last time Enji had seen him. His wings looked good—fuller than before, no drooping. He could never say that out loud, though, because even Enji had the emotional wherewithal to realize that Hawks hated to be pitied, for anyone to act like Hawks should be anything other than his absolute best, so his brain just skipped ahead to—

“Why are you here?”

At that, something in Hawks’ bright grin faltered, and something somewhere in Enji’s gut fell painfully in response.  He’d been trying to be—not nicer, per se, but… better. Not for everyone, but at least for the people who mattered. For his family. For Shouto’s friends. Inexplicably, for Hawks. He’s told himself that he owes Hawks, is all. Hawks’ injuries were his fault (Hawks’ beautiful red wings, another casualty burned up in Endeavor’s flames).

“For lunch. You… invited me?”

Hawks’s tone fell just short of his usual carefree air, and Enji blinked, momentarily stunned by the realization that Hawks actually wasn’t just doing his usual teasing. “I didn’t.”

“I did,” another voice echoed from the hallway outside his office, and Enji’s attention shifted to see Shouto, his friends hovering behind him awkwardly, mismatched eyes meeting Enji’s gaze with a challenging stare. “Is that a problem?”

And—oh. “Of course it’s not a problem,” Enji replied, keeping his eyes on Shouto’s, ignoring the urge to examine the nervous fluttering of Hawks’ wings he could see in his peripheral vision. “I’ll just—uh, see you all later.”

“The reservation is for five,” Shouto said, turning around and heading towards the elevator. “Might as well come too, old man.”

Shouto said nothing further on the subject as the motley group made their way out of the agency and through streets teeming with the midday lunch rush. Shouto said nothing further on any subject, actually, keeping his usual silence. Between Midoriya, frantically quizzing Hawks on his latest villain takedown while scribbling notes in that damn notebook of his, and Hawks, answering good-naturedly and dealing with any civilian interest in the group, the walk passed with as little awkwardness as could be expected. Enji had never thought he’d be grateful for Midoriya’s incessant chatter, but he supposed there was a first time for everything. And, when he was honest with himself, the kid wasn’t that bad; even before Shigaraki, Enji had found himself almost fond of him, if only because he was such a good friend to Shouto. He looked between the babbling boy and Shouto, spying Shouto huffing a short laugh at something Midoriya was saying. Maybe they—should he tell Shouto that he would approve? Of Midoriya? No, Shouto wouldn’t care for his approval, right? Unless… Shouto had, actually, in the end, been nervous about telling Enji about his sexuality, had thought that Enji had disapproved. But would saying he would approve of Midoriya imply that there were choices that Enji would disapprove of? And while that wasn’t necessarily wrong—Enji’s eyes lingered on Bakugo, who was currently yelling at a passerby who’d had the misfortune of being saved from stepping into traffic by the angry teen—for Shouto, Enji would put those feelings aside.

They’d made it the restaurant and were sitting down, and Enji still didn’t know what, if anything, to say to Shouto. Enji never knew what to say to Shouto. He’d spent his whole life working from the scripts of his father, and his grandfather before him, only to realize that they were—that he was a failure, as a hero, and as a father, and to start all over at square one, half his life spent walking down the wrong path. He kept trying to be better, but even still, he knew that more than half the time he said or did the wrong thing—voice too loud, tone too harsh, Shouto’s shoulders flinching imperceptibly or his stare going just that bit more icy. And now there were more landmines for him to desperately try to avoid.

Caught in his own thoughts, he didn’t notice the attention of several sets of eyes on him until he felt one of Hawks’ feathers nudging at his back.

“Sorry, Shouto-kun, didn’t quite catch that,” Hawks said breezily, and Enji glanced over at the grinning hero and wished that he was the kind of person who knew how to express his gratitude in some kind of simple, subtle way. But he didn’t have Hawks’ feathers—all his fire could do was burn.

“I asked if you knew of any gay bars.” Shouto’s stare shifted to Enji, though his tone didn’t change at all. “I decided I’d like to go to one.”

Blessedly, everything was silent for a long moment, while Enji tried to force his brain to think of—if not the right response, any alright response. He instinctively knew that this was a test, of sorts, a public challenge from Shouto, and one he couldn’t afford to mess up—not just in front of Shouto, but in front of Midoriya, bright red and eyes wider than Enji had ever seen them, Bakugo, snorting and rolling his eyes, and in front of Hawks—Hawks who was looking up at him with real surprise in his golden eyes and a light flush across his cheeks, Hawks who had been his biggest fan, Hawks who had looked up to him as a hero since he was a kid, Hawks who was gay.

But time was running out, the moment was stretching too long, and so Enji just sighed and said, “No drinking until you’re 20.”

Bakugo let out a short bark of laughter, though Enji breathed easier when Shouto scowled, as if the laughter was at his expense and not at Enji’s. He cast a half-glance over at Hawks to find that even though the flush on his face had deepened, he was looking back at Enji with a smile, big and bright like he’d done that first time they’d had lunch in Fukuoka. Fuck, Enji needed to thank Hawks. He couldn’t say anything in front of Shouto, it would embarrass him, and it wasn’t like Enji was any good at putting together the right words, anyway, but—

Because Enji was staring right at Hawks, he noticed the sudden tension in the younger man’s body and the shiver that rippled through his wings a half-second before he registered the vibrations of the ground beneath them and the beginning sounds of screams, so he was only a step behind the winged hero on their way out the door, listening to the interns tripping over themselves to follow them.

Now wasn’t the time, but later—he’d thank Hawks later.

*

Later didn’t come the next time Enji saw Hawks, or the time after that, or even the time after that. Enji was used to Hawks dropping by his office once every couple of weeks, if that, seeing him at top hero meetings, maybe an occasional phone call on a tip or lead one of them had. But somehow, Shouto had figured out that Hawks was working on a long-term case and staying nearby, and so the awkward lunches had become a weekly event, and then twice weekly. Not that Enji had an issue with Hawks’ more frequent presence, but all the moments that he used to get with Hawks bled into their lunches, he didn’t dare say anything to Hawks with Shouto around—he still got the sense that Shouto was assessing him somehow—and he didn’t know how to get a moment with Hawks alone. He could say something, but the words never quite came right to his brain, he always felt half-tripped up, and so he just… left, ignoring the feeling of Hawks’ eyes on him.

And then there were the times Enji was glad Hawks wasn’t around.

The agency was oddly quiet, for once, and Enji walked down to the cafeteria to see a group of his sidekicks huddled around a table with their heads bent low, the interns too, mumbling and passing something back and forth. Shouto glanced up when he heard Enji come in, and Enji saw a shadow of something like amusement pass across Shouto’s face, but before he could really identify what it was, his expression was back to its usual placidity.

“Why don’t we get the opinion of the number one hero himself?” Shouto said, just loudly enough for his voice to carry across the room to Enji’s ears. He started heading for the table, curiosity bleeding into his irritation at his staff for whatever distraction they were entertaining, growing stronger as Burnin herself looked up from whatever was on the table, her normally grinning face horrified and as red as Enji’s flames.

“What is this,” Enji said, staring down at whatever Burnin was trying to half-cover with her body.

“We were just looking at Hawks’ latest advertising campaign. What do you think, old man?” Shouto’s voice had that challenging tone again, as he pulled what turned out to be a magazine from Burnin’s desperate grip and handed it to Enji.

It took all of Enji’s hard-won control to keep the flames on his face from flaring out dangerously as he looked at the image in front of him, but he did note that several of his sidekicks winced at the sudden temperature increase he couldn’t help. Because Hawks’ face was staring up at him from the page, looking over his shoulder from between red wings spread proudly, his usual playful expression suddenly intense, body posed in such a way that he looked half a second from taking off, perched on a boulder in nothing but a pair of too-tight swim trunks. After he’d torn his eyes away from picture-Hawks’ piercing stare, his attention caught on the line of Hawks’ back—a long, lithe line, rippling with the muscle Enji knew Hawks had worked painstakingly to build back up so he could fly again, and—absolutely covered in burn scars, skin mottled and warped, jarring differences where the grafts had been, and Enji couldn’t stop himself from bringing his thumb up across the page to trace the skin. The text, advertising—cologne? who knew?—read “fly free”.

Someone coughed, and Enji realized he’d been looking at the picture for too long. He fought the urge to flare up in embarrassment again, and instead cleared his throat. They’d asked for his opinion?

“Being a hero means being a public figure, which means getting asked to do endorsements and advertising like this frequently. How to handle it depends on the type of image you have and want to project as a hero—endorsements that seem genuine and are well-received from heroes like Fat Gum or Mt. Lady would seem awkward or insincere from a hero like Eraserhead or Nighteye.”

Midoriya had reached into his backpack to get his notebook, but Shouto shot an impatient glare at the magazine in Enji’s hand.

“That’s why I don’t do these kind of things often—not because I disapprove of them categorically, but because they don’t fit with my image. The hardest thing to balance with endorsements and advertisements is how to appear in them while still maintaining enough an appearance of strength that people feel they can count on you as a hero in times of crisis. Hawks is the current hero who achieves that balance best.”

Enji noticed, with some small satisfaction, several jaws dropping around the table. He didn’t often praise others, but what he was saying was true—he’d known it from the first time he’d patrolled with Hawks, that the younger man could pull off a public image that simultaneously led people to both genuinely like him as a person and genuinely trust in him as a hero. It wasn’t until after Jaku that he’d realized just how much of a well-orchestrated facade it had all been, but it just made Enji admire the man more—that Hawks knew what it meant to struggle for the success.

“And the best heroes can make these opportunities work for them. Hawks’ injuries after his—after the—” Enji stumbled slightly, thinking of Touya’s face twisted in maniacal glee, “after last year are public knowledge, to a degree. By taking an opportunity like this, he ends the quiet speculation about them while still showing them from a position of strength. And the product tagline might as well be a hero slogan here—not only emphasizing the strength in flying, but the freedom of showing the scars.”

Midoriya was writing so quickly Enji thought he could hear the pencil ripping through paper, and Shouto was looking up at him with a dumbfounded expression on his face. None of them knew he was essentially paraphrasing a conversation he’d had with his PR agent long ago, on whether to attempt reconstructive surgery to reduce the appearance of the scar on his face after the battle with the High End, but the point had been the same both times. He’s glad Hawks got the chance to make this point, to show his strength for the whole of Japan to see, because—Enji glanced back down at the magazine in his hand, the glossy sheen of the paper over the gnarled lines of the scars, and realized his thumb was running over the proud angle of Hawks’ back again.

He tossed the magazine back onto the table, where it landed with a smack that seemed too loud for the suddenly quiet room.

“Now get back to work, all of you.”

*

The next week, Shouto came to Enji’s office of his own volition for the first time since he’d started at the agency. Enji dropped his paperwork immediately.

“Shouto.”

“… Endeavor,” Shouto returned, and Enji tried not to let the missing ‘Dad’ bother him. It was enough that Shouto was here—speaking to him, learning from him, tolerating him. He didn’t deserve to ask for more. So he just nodded, waited while Shouto realized that Enji wasn’t going to say anything about the form of address.

“What you said about Hawks’ ad campaign…” Something twisted in Shouto’s expression, and Enji startled to realize that he looked almost… sad, or guilty, just for a moment. “It’s not something we’ve talked about a lot in school yet. I know some of the other students at their internships and work studies have gone along to things like that, and I wanted to…” Shouto trailed off, just the hint of a blush on his cheeks, embarrassed at having to ask, and Enji understood.

“Of course. I don’t often do those, but I could find another hero for you to shadow to—”

“No,” Shouto interrupted, all traces of his blush gone. “I mean—I’d like to see how you handle it.”

And Enji hadn’t done any kind of advertising campaign in at least ten years, but—Shouto cared about how he would handle it, as a hero. Shouto wanted to learn from him, and not anyone else.

“I’ll talk to my secretary and try to get something set up.”

In lieu of a response, Shouto just nodded and turned to head for the door. After hesitating for a moment longer, watching his son’s back with a mix of hope and pride and guilt, Enji finally reached for the paperwork he’d set down when Shouto first walked in.

“Thanks,” Shouto suddenly said, stopping on the threshold and looking back over his shoulder at Enji. In the moment before the door shut between them, Enji thought he could see a hint of that same guilt he’d seen before, when he’d mentioned what Enji had said about Hawks. But then the door closed, the expression was gone, and Enji was left to chalk it up to underlying guilt about Touya—something Enji was painfully familiar with—and let it go.

[bestworstcase]

farran rereads lost lagoon: chapters 5-6

- mixed feelings about eugene’s first impressions of cassandra here. on the one hand, she did make a snide remark about him being a thief, which must sting when he’s already making an active attempt at self-improvement and attending classes in criminal justice. this isn’t tts eugene - who spends 6-7 months loafing around the palace basking in luxury until cass drags him for being self-absorbed and lazy. this eugene has a work ethic and seems to feel some actual responsibility regarding his new role as rapunzel’s consort. it’s not fair for cass to make a snap judgment about him based on his past and decide to be rude to him because of it.

on the other hand… he and rapunzel did just barge into her space against her will and her subsequent prickliness was reasonable, which eugene doesn’t seem to have any awareness of. and taking into consideration the likelihood that this cass is supposed to be about 17 while eugene is an established adult, that isn’t a fun vibe.

- sort of amused by the role reversal of eugene, in the licensed fanfic cassunzel s1 au, is the one who introduces rapunzel to the library. i guess the key to unlocking rapunzel’s romance option is to not show her the books. but also, why is eugene the one showing her around lol

- did he steal from the coronan palace so much that he just knows where everything is

- the dialogue in this chapter is… hm

“You can take these books back to your room if you want,” Eugene said.

“I can?” I said, staring at the stocked shelves around me.

“I think I’ll open a window,” Eugene said. “It’s a little musty in here.”

like what’s going on here? is this a dialogue bug introduced by spot editing that didn’t get patched before publishing? does eugene have adhd? is this a romance novel™ thing to demonstrate that while eugene and rapunzel talk to each other plenty they’re not on the same wavelength to such an extent that raps asks a question and eugene responds with a complete non-sequitur, which will be contrasted with how completely rapunzel and cass ‘click’ together later? hello?

- one point in favor of the romance novel™ theory is that immediately after this eugene conks out instead of sharing in rapunzel’s discovery and exploration of the library and it is implied he is having a fun flynn rider dream ie he’s lost in his own fantasies and oblivious to rapunzel’s. symbolism!

- anyhoo, this is when the plot device of the ‘lost lagoon’ book of poems turns up. i will say that, having spent the better part of my teen years working in an actual library, it beggars belief to say that a book got shoved behind other books in a popular section (sports) by mistake and got left that way for so long that dust blooms out of it when it’s finally cracked open again; likewise, anyone who attempted to intentionally hide the book this way is an idiot. my dude, you are in a palace riddled with secret passageways. maybe hide the secret book there?

like it’s not even well-hidden. rapunzel pulls out one (1) book from the sports section and immediately spots it. which also just feels dumb. like… there’s a million other ways this book could have been hidden. inside another book would have been more believable. rapunzel rips a bone-dry book of census records off the top shelf because she’s insatiably curious about corona’s people and surprise! it’s got this slim little book of poetry crammed inside it. like ??? i know it’s juv fic but make an effort

- coronans canonically speak english according to this i’m die

- rapunzel hides the book from arianna just… because, and i can’t help but feel this is another case of anxiety written by someone who doesn’t quite get it. she’s ‘just not ready’ to share this book of poems that means absolutely nothing to her yet except that she thought it sounded pretty.

but like. this girl grew up with gothel, who made a habit of belittling her interests, thoughts, feelings, and desires. everything rapunzel had she had because gothel deigned to give it to her, and anything she valued could have been snatched away just as easily. in the film it’s made clear that rapunzel hides pascal’s entire existence from gothel, and while the reason for this isn’t spelled out, it’s clear to me that she was afraid gothel might hurt or get rid of pascal should she learn of his existence. so, like. this is all a recipe for rapunzel having this general anxiety about things being taken for her and with this fear being linked to mother figures it makes sense that arianna would tend to trigger it especially. there is a perfectly obvious, understandable reason for rapunzel to be terrified of sharing anything she found by herself and sees value in or is excited about with her new mom, even if she knows rationally that arianna would never take it from her.

as it is, it really comes across more as an arbitrary plot device to keep the lagoon a cassunzel-only thing.

- there’s a lot of odd characterization decisions in this book but i think rapunzel being resistant and reluctant with regards to the idea of having a human companion is probably the weirdest. ??

- arianna feels like she’s characterized the way a lot of fanworks characterize her, i.e. the authorial mouthpiece who (in the case of cassunzel fic specifically) overtly ships cassunzel and does things to facilitate that relationship. don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to see her doing stuff at all, but… i dunno, i find this brand of arianna doing things just a little wearying. let her just be her own character.

- implication is that arianna and the captain agreed that cass would be rapunzel’s lady-in-waiting, arianna okays this with rapunzel and then tells rapunzel to announce it to cassandra at this public holiday feast. with no prior warning. wow. i think the kindest possible reading here is that the captain has been telling arianna that cass would be delighted and honored to receive this position and arianna assumes he’ll give cass a heads-up as a courtesy beforehand, but that paints the captain in a pretty bad light on account of him lying and essentially manipulating the queen in order to force his teenage daughter to accept this huge responsibility that she vocally does not want. in any case, absolutely nobody involved in this shitshow gives a damn what cass wants.

- lagoon comes in hard with the saporian!cass symbolism l o l. rapunzel reads a saporian poem out loud, not knowing what it means but loving the sounds, while daydreaming about becoming friends with cass.

- arianna seems to genuinely believe cass will be thrilled to have the lady-in-waiting gig sprung on her, which seems to lend credence to the theory that cap has been talking it up as something cass wants. or the intention here is to paint arianna as an out of touch noblewoman, but i don’t think that’s what howland was going for. i don’t know, it’s an odd conversation.

- eugene calls cassandra “sport” lmfao

- lagoon cass has never read a book in her life, apparently

- i don’t want to keep harping on this too much but it keeps leaping off the page at me; cass’s behavior throughout this dinner scene really just bleeds teenagerhood. eugene and rapunzel both make actual stabs at conversation by asking her about things they know she’s interested in, and cass brushes them off/stonewalls them. in tts, on the other hand, cass is actually pretty open to deep conversations with both rapunzel and eugene—it’s just that they never. ask her about herself. eugene goes 6-7 months before he asks cassandra a personal question in cassandra vs eugene, which if i remember right is the only time he asks her a personal question. rapunzel gets very invested very fast in becoming friends with cassandra, but she does it by strong-arming cass into being her partner in a contest, and when cass decides to open up to her it isn’t in response to rapunzel asking her things. the dynamic is totally different.

- actually now that i think about it - lagoon cass feels a lot like the cranky new dreamer version of cass (you know, the flavor of new dream fans who resent cass for ‘being mean’ to eugene, ‘being controlling’ of rapunzel, and ‘stealing’ eugene’s narrative spotlight). this cass is rude, she does come off as a bit spoiled and very bratty, she is nasty to eugene for no good reason, and while i do sympathize with her on the grounds of her evidently being a child i don’t find her to be especially likable or compelling as a character. if cass acted like this in tts i think the cranky new dreamer contingent of the fandom would have a much stronger leg to stand in - especially if she was still supposed to be 22.

like… this:

“So,” Eugene said, distracting me. “What’s it like to be the daughter of the captain of the guard? You obviously have a thing for weapons.”

“So,” I said.

“Have you been training since you were a little kid?” Eugene pressed on. “Do you have friends in the castle?”

“No,” I said. “Who needs friends?”

“Jeez!” Eugene muttered while Rapunzel whispered with the queen. “I don’t need just any icebreaker here, I need a pickax.”

I rolled my eyes.

this is way more interest in cass as a person than eugene shows in tts… like ever. at this point, eugene has met cass ONCE for a few MINUTES and he already knows more about her than he does in cassandra vs eugene, after six or seven months of frequent contact. yet cass scoffs and gives him monosyllabic answers and radiates way more hostility for way less reason than she displays even in tangled before ever after. i think eugene is totally justified in going, yeesh, what’s this kid’s deal?

- rapunzel goes straight from “i’d like you to be my lady-in-waiting” to “you’re my new lady-in-waiting!” without waiting for cass to answer. and i mean, at this point it is a done deal, queen’s orders and all, so i can’t hold this against rapunzel at all. but man, the adults involved in this decision sure aren’t concerned at all about making sure rapunzel learns how boundaries and consent works.

How was I going to train? How was I going to live the life I was born to live?

Fury heated my blood as I stared down the moon.

heh.

i wonder how much howland knew regarding the planned villain arc, because on the one hand lines like this are drenched in foreshadowing, and she’s done a much better job establishing cassandra’s belief in destiny than tts did. but on the other, had she known about the gothel twist, she would surely have known that cassandra is several years older than rapunzel, and that doesn’t square with how cass… acts.

this is half-remembered hearsay so take it with a grain of salt, but i seem to recall something about cass, in her original conception, being younger than rapunzel (and also aware of her parentage, and secretly villainous all along). could howland have been working from information given to her during the transitional stage between that proto-cass and tts cass? that would explain a lot.

- the last paragraph of 6 is the most effective passage in the book thus far:

This was a decision that had bars around it. I couldn’t protest without falling out of favor with the king and queen, and then there would be no way I’d ever be allowed in the guard. I couldn’t argue my way out of this with my father. A royal assignment was the final word. My fate had been sealed. I fell to my knees and stifled a scream.

[this-is-quite-homoerotic]

Another Janto AU idea I’ll probably never write

Okay, this one’s a bit weird. TRUST ME THOUGH, I WON’T LET YOU DOWN!

(Warning: there is no underage, I swear. In case it looks like that’s where I’m heading, I promise I’m not.)

I’ve been thinking about the Jack&Owen father/son dynamic and the Owen&Ianto brothers dynamic and.

No-aliens Modern day AU where a young Jack marries Owen’s mum after a short and tumultuous love affair when Owen’s a kid. The marriage doesn’t last, Jack starts growing out of love with her when he sees how she treats little Owen, who at this point would be 7 or so, and soon other flaws he’d been too enamoured to notice start becoming more and bigger issues until the couple breaks up.

Jack is in his early 20s, and if you’d ask him before he married he’d have told you he wasn’t anywhere near ready to be a father. That doesn’t stop him from imprinting on Owen within minutes of meeting him, however, and with the way Owen’s mother treats him, he actually ends up taking him in the divorce, after many rows and a few teary discussions, because he loves the kid, and he can see that she was not actually in the position to raise anyone, for a variety of reasons that I won’t elaborate on here. She does visit him, Jack is always happy to facilitate her visits with Owen, but not terribly often.

It takes a few years, but Jack eventually adopts him legally, with his mother’s blessings. He talks to Owen every step of the way, always listens to what he has to say, always respecting (within reason) what he wants. Through mutual agreement, they never change Owen’s last name.

Jack isn’t the best father ever, by any stretch. It’s a learning curve, and there’s a few big stumbles. But he loves that kid so much, and for the first time in his life Owen has an adult and parental figure who listens attentively to what he has to say, who always asks for his opinion before making any choices that affect him, who would kill and die for him, who loves him, unconditionally, and it makes a difference.

So Owen grows up with love and support, and once he hits puberty he’s only a tiny bit nervous to tell his father he’s bi since Jack has been dating people of all genders on and off since he divorced his mother. Owen was consistently suspicious of all of them, and privately thought none of them was good enough for his father, but he never said it. He did want Jack to be happy, after all. None of them last too long, and in the end it’s always just the two of them. Jack seems happy enough with it, so Owen doesn’t worry.

Anyway, his coming out goes great; Jack is so proud he cries a little and he insists on hugging him even longer than usual. (Jack is a hugger, Owen has resigned himself to it.) Owen huffs and doles out the eye-rolls and the ‘it’s-not-a-big-deal’s and ‘oh my god, dad, you’re so embarrassing’ but he’s secretly very pleased. Jack takes him to pride for the first time that very year, and it becomes a yearly tradition.

Owen befriends Ianto Jones by proxy at first: Ianto was in his group of friends and they ended up hanging out together a lot, first in a group and later more one-on-one. He’s alright, even if he is two whole years younger than him and a bit of a nerd. There is one (1) instance when Owen almost got mad at him, when Ianto asked if he’d been adopted (after another mate of his mentioned something about it). But after he’d replied defensively, he realised Ianto wasn’t trying to be mean about it. At all. 

“That must be great, though. You know for sure that your dad wanted you, was willing to fight to keep you.” That’s how Owen found out about Ianto’s not so great home situation.

So they became mates, and soon Owen starts inviting Ianto over.

Now, the problem with being raised by a young, stunningly attractive single parent, of course, is that all his friends are more likely to have a crush on his father than they are to like him that way. Not that Owen fancies Ianto or anything. But it’s weird, Jack is old.

Ianto, like most of Owen’s female friends and some of his guy friends, develops a crush on his father. Fucking hell. The little shit keeps sneaking furtive little glances Jack’s way, and whenever Jack actually addresses him, he smiles beatifically and pretends he’s not the acerbic juvenile delinquent he really is (as if Owen would hang out with him if he was that boring). He perks up whenever Jack is around; smiles all the time. It’s bizarre.

Jack doesn’t notice. Once the initial weirdness wears off, Owen thinks it’s hilarious that his father can’t see through Ianto’s polite, helpful little boy facade. So he doesn’t say anything. He just enjoys the show. It goes like this: Ianto comes over, they hang out for a while. Jack gets home from work, Ianto gets starry eyed and promptly becomes this alien perfectly-behaved A-student right in front of Owen’s very amused eyes. Ianto’s crush goes right over Jack’s head the entire time. Owen gets to laugh at Ianto being flustered and/or pretending to have perfect manners, and Ianto gets whatever dopamine rush he gets from staring at Jack. Win-win.

They keep in touch when Owen goes to uni and later when Ianto goes to a different one, but they don’t see each other very often and eventually grow distant. Yadda yadda, life happens and eventually they re-connect.

Ianto introduces Owen to a friend of his, Katie, obnoxiously telling her that while he isn’t as hot as his father, he’ll do. (Katie fully believes he’s joking until Owen brings her home to meet Jack. She still thinks Owen is hotter, but she can see what Ianto meant, certainly. “That’s love for you,” Ianto laments. “It blinds you.” Owen pretends to be offended.)

The thing is, Owen falls head-over-heels with Katie. He’s absolutely gone on her, and after discussing it a little to make sure she’s on the same page as him, he pops the question. Ianto is, of course, invited to the wedding.

So that’s how we get to 25-year-old Ianto seeing early-to-mid 40s Jack again for the first time in almost a decade. For the first time ever, Jack sees him right back.

Understandably, Jack feels a little guilty about noticing how nicely his son’s younger friend looks in a suit, but there’s no harm in looking, right? The ceremony is lovely, Jack cries (and so does Owen, though he glares when anyone mentions it), after which they swiftly move on to the party.

Deep into the night, late enough that the bride and groom have retired to start their honeymoon, Jack is having one more drink as he watches the mostly drunk guests dance and toast to the happy couple. He’s feeling old and maudlin and so happy for his son that his chest could burst, when Ianto makes his move.

Talking leads to snogging leads Ianto pushing Jack up against an out-of the-way wall and whispering all the dirty things he’d like to do to him in that sinful Welsh accent leads to them falling in bed together at Jack’s hotel room and staying there for the next several hours (not all of them spent awake).

Jack, having had no clue that Ianto had harbored an intense teenage crush on him and had been dreaming about this for literal years, figured it was just a one-night-thing brought about by loneliness or boredom.

The morning after, however, Ianto formally asks him out.

Jack protests (only a little, and with no real force behind it) that he’s almost twice Ianto’s age, surely he can’t mean to actually date him. Ianto assures him that he does.

They go out to have a very late brunch. It’s their first official date, and Jack has more fun than he’s had in years. Ianto, who’d only thought of Jack infrequently if still fondly during the years he hadn’t seen him, is positively giddy. Turns out seeing Jack again was all it took for the attraction to come roaring back. But now he can really get to know Jack as an adult, beyond the fantasies he made up as a hormonal teen. The real man holds up surprisingly well against the fantasy. 

Ianto confesses his teenage crush, confesses that he wondered what Jack might look like after all these years when he realised he’d be seeing him again at the wedding, but he never in a million years had expected Jack to somehow look even more delectable than he had back then. (Jack doesn’t blush, but he wants to. They end up right back in his hotel bed once they’re done with brunch.)

Truth is, Jack hadn’t expected it to last, not really. He’d hoped to have some fun with a gorgeous young man before said man got bored and moved on without him. He didn’t expect to fall in love. He certainly didn’t expect, wouldn’t have believed that sleepy morning when he’d woken up in the arms of a warm, sleep-soft Welshman who asked to take him out on a proper date, that a man young enough to be his son and handsome enough to have his choice of partner would be falling in love with him.

Owen choked on his own laughter when Jack told him Ianto had taken him out on that first date. “I cannot believe it. He did it. He actually did it. The absolute mad lad. It only took him a decade, but he did it. That crazy motherfucker. Fatherfucker. Oh my god, fatherfucker.” Then he started cackling again. Jack was too relieved he wasn’t upset about it to be offended. Despite Ianto’s reassurances that there had never been anything other than strictly platonic friendship between him and Owen, Jack still had the tiniest of worries that Owen might have harbored a crush on Ianto back in his teens. He’d invited Ianto more often than any of his other friends, and the atmosphere had always been different with him, though Jack had never managed to put his finger on how, back then.

Owen laughed even harder when Jack carefully broached the subject. “Are you kidding me? He was too busy ogling you to ever notice me, thank Christ. Would have been awkward if he did, I always saw him more as a little brother, really.” Well, didn’t that make Jack feel supremely awkward. His son saw his latest lover as a little brother. Weird, even by Jack’s standards. At least Ianto’s teenage crush confession was true. Still a bit weird, but flattering, now that that kid had grown into a gorgeous young man who still found Jack 'disarmingly attractive’ (his words).

“Of course you have my blessings,” Owen griped good-naturedly when Ianto called to ask. In retrospect, calling him during his honeymoon with the woman he loved who he’d only met because Ianto had introduced them had been a good tactical decision. He was feeling charitable towards him, and he was too high on love and sex to begrudge Ianto this.

“Thank you. You can call me ‘Tad’ if you want,” Ianto countered, because he was still a little shit with a sarcastic streak a mile wide and a penchant for annoying Owen even when he was technically begging for his blessing to date Owen’s father.

“Fuck off,” Owen told him, but there was no bite to it, he sounded amused if anything, and Ianto knew then that Owen had meant it.

“Of course. I won’t rush you. I can wait until it feels organic, son.”

Owen hung up on him. Less than a minute later, Ianto got a text message that said. ‘If you break his heart, I’ll kick your arse xoxo’. He sent back a string of heart emojis.

A year and a half later, Ianto called Owen to tell him he was planning to propose. Owen demanded to be his best man.

The year Owen turned thirty-one, Jack and Ianto adopted two siblings (a little boy and a baby girl). They named Owen their godfather (yes, both of them).

That day, as Owen was asked to sign the papers that would legally make him the children’s guardian in case anything happened to their fathers, he remembered the day he met Jack, when his mother had brought him over for the first time. He remembered, a bit blurry due to time, the talks Jack and his mother had had with him when they were in the process of splitting up, how Jack had fought to convince them both that he should be the one to raise Owen. He recalled, like a much-beloved photograph he took out to stare at when he needed it, the well-worn memory of walking into their new house for the first time, and realising that it was real, that Jack really did mean to adopt him, that he’d really be living with him from then on; that Jack really wanted him. He remembered all the times Jack had told him that family wasn’t blood, family was love, and trust, and commitment. And he remembered, with perfect, stunning clarity, a 15-year-old Ianto telling him he’d like to adopt when he was older, even if he ended up with someone who could get pregnant.

He also remembered a 15-year-old Ianto making heart eyes at his father in their living-room while Owen struggled not to laugh at him, and really, one had to respect a man who stuck to his convictions. Ianto certainly knew what he wanted and put in the work to get it.

At least he was pretty sure he could trust Ianto with Jack’s heart.

(Epilogue:

Because Ianto has a terrible sense of humour, he spends an entire summer calling Owen ‘son’ and ‘kid’ and ‘sport’. Owen makes a face the first couple of times, but he’s brought around pretty quickly between 1) the way Katie laughs whenever Ianto does this, and 2) the bewildered looks it gets them whenever someone hears it, because not only is Ianto younger than Owen, he also looks it. It makes for interesting situations.

So rather than be annoyed, Owen starts to enjoy it. He decides to lean into it, starts calling Ianto ‘tad’ and ‘dad’ and ‘father’, and one memorable time ‘the man who literally birthed me’. Katie chokes on her drink and laughs so hard her abdomen hurts for the next day. Jack actually falls off his chair laughing. Ianto looks like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, the little shit.

And they were a loving family who were disgustingly happy for the rest of their lives and never had tragedy befall them, not even once, the end.)

[modestybae]

I wrote a recent post that made what I thought was a simple, uncontroversial point about early marriage as a solution for avoiding zina and all kinds of concomitant sins and social ills.

I've been absolutely *shocked* at the kinds of opposing statements some people have made, at the leaps of logic, at the vehemence of some people's disagreements with this fairly straightforward point.

Let's break this issue down a bit more, as there seems to be a need.

My initial claim: We as Muslim parents should try (as a collective) to facilitate marriage for young Muslim men and women so that they have less of a need/ excuse to go behind parents' backs and hook up/ date/ have a boyfriend or girlfriend/ watch porn.

Less haram stuff, more halal stuff.

Seems like a no-brainer. Or so I thought!

Some people's reactions:

-No, they should masturbate instead of getting married early.

This is one of the most shocking things I've ever heard a fellow Muslim say with a straight face. *Multiple* people have commented recommending masturbation while shooting down marriage as a solution for young adults.

A brother: "just have a wank, bro."

A sister: young men "should lower their gaze and are permitted by some scholars to relieve themselves (masturbate) as long as it doesn't become a habit. It's that simple."

Really? That simple, huh?

How have we come to this??

Anyway, let's continue.

-No, because divorce is worse than zina. Just "try getting divorced in today's society!"

-No, because "marriage doesn't prevent zina."

-No, because "marriage is not only for fulfilling sexual desires."

-No, because easy come easy go. Anything that comes too easily "won't be appreciated." You "can't have everything on a silver platter."

-No, because what about the children?

-No, because late-teen or college students are not emotionally mature and have no communication skills.

-No, because they first need to be settled and have built something to prove their competence.

-No, this solution is "too simple and idealistic."

-No, because "marriage steals childhood." (???)

-No, because who is going to provide?

-No, because you can't "deflect to earlier Islamic cultural practices" that are only "idealistic, simplistic, and unrealistic" for our modern times. Plus, "romanticized ideals from earlier times is not going to solve the problem of youth."

-No, because you just need self control and you need to learn to "regulate your behavior."

-No, because this "supports the trend of ghosting" and teaches people to "walk away from relationships."

-No, because people in their early 20's don't really know themselves and might change.

-No, we should instead "teach our kids to self-soothe as babies and teach them delayed gratification. Rape is a classic example of what happens when people don't have patience and want instant gratification. Marital rape included."

-No, because sexual urges "are actually quite easy for a lot of people to control!" And "if you can't stop yourself from having sex or you can't control your sexual desires, then there is something inherently wrong with your ability to self regulate your behavior."

-No, because marriage solves nothing. "Sexually deviant people will continue to be sexually deviant whilst married."

-No, because "it's difficult and problematic to compare today's society to the society of the Sahaba and the Prophet SAW."

-No, because "young girls shouldn't be groomed for marriage from the age of 12 just because horny testosterone plagued boys can't control themselves." And also, I "don't want my daughter's youth cut short just to save a young boy who can't control his sexual desires just because he has more testosterone than her."

-No. "Sex isn't everything!"

This sums up the majority of the reasons people brought up to disagree.

It would make this already-long post much too long to respond to each point individually, but here is my general reaction:

1. Marriage, Sex, and Zina:

Marriage is, in fact, one of the strongest and most primary ways to avoid zina. Yes. This is true. I cannot understand how some people try to deny this basic fact.

There are certainly some people who cheat even though they are married. I know this happens. Yet these outliers still do not invalidate the institution of marriage as a way that *on the whole* protects one from falling into zina. Islam encourages marriage as the default for most human beings, as this is more virtuous and safeguards against a plethora of كبائر, grave sins.

2. Masturbation:

How is masturbation a serious solution that some people prefer over marriage?? I am still astounded.

I think people may be confusing the idea that masturbation is preferable to zina, and make the blunder of asserting that masturbation must also therefore be preferable to getting married early. This is false. Masturbation and zina are both sins. There are degrees of sins, and zina has a hadd and is a graver sin than masturbation (which is ALSO still a sin). Getting married early is not a sin.

3. Marriage and Babies:

When I talk about early marriage for young adults (age range of 17-22), that doesn't mean I'm also recommending that they start having children immediately. You can be married and wait for several years before having kids. We all know this is very possible, right? It is a leap in logic to assume that marriage = instant parenthood.

4. Maturity, Readiness, and Preparation for Marriage:

Recommending early marriage does not preclude recommending proper childrearing (including teaching kids early on delayed gratification, patience, self-control, taqwa of Allah, healthy boundaries, etc) or proper marital training, anger management, healthy communication, emotional and psychosocial skills. All of these aspects are important. But they can all work together, no?

It is a leap in logic to assume that we have to choose between marrying as a young adult and emotional maturity.

When I recommend marriage for 17-22 age range, I am in no way trying to say marriage is a joke or a light matter to be played around with. It can be done in this age range with all due seriousness and responsibility and readiness.

5. Severity of Zina:

Zina is classed as a كبيرة , a major sin. Allah commands us clearly and severely not only to avoid falling into zina, but actually to avoid COMING NEAR zina.

وَلَا تَقْرَبُواْ ٱلزِّنَىٰٓ ۖ إِنَّهُۥ كَانَ فَٰحِشَةً وَسَآءَ سَبِيلًا.

"Do not go near adultery. It is truly a shameful deed and an evil way." (Surat Al-Isra', 32)

There are different types of zina, as we know from the hadith: zina of the eyes, zina of the hands, zina of the feet.

The reality is that zina comes with a whole host of concomitant sins. It doesn't just happen by itself. There are precursors to zina. It comes with خلوة (khalwa, blameworthy seclusion), تبرج (tabarruj, displaying feminine beauty), إختلاط (ikhtilat, inter-gender casual mixing), flirting, sexting, porn, masturbation.

And people get addicted. Some youths have serious porn addictions, others are addicted to masturbation, while others are addicted to the haram relationships they're in. They can't get out.

Knowing that "I can get married soon; I don't have to wait another whole decade before I am allowed a halal outlet" really helps young people. It gives hope. There's light at the end of the tunnel for them.

Making marriage difficult to attain is one way to shut the door in their faces, and so, in despair and spurred on by a gleeful Shaytan, they just shrug and masturbate/ watch porn/ hook up.

6. Libido: Girls vs Guys:

Some people are under the mistaken impression that early marriage serves only men. They seem to think that teenage girls and young women have little to no sexual urges and only teenage boys have those. This is false.

Many girls (starting from the onset of puberty and through young adulthood) have high libidos and strong sexual desires. Marrying earlier would tremendously help these girls and satisfy their desires and protect them from falling into sins. Marriage is NOT just a tool to help "horny testosterone plagued boys" at the expense of poor abused girls.

I know that anecdotal evidence may not count, but for what it's worth: I personally have known and worked with many girls and young women who have either skirted the territory of zina or fallen headfirst into it.

One Muslim girl who was a sophomore in high school (15 years old) joined the drama club just to meet after school with a non-Muslim male classmate so they could make out without her parents finding out.

One Muslim girl I know went to college deliberately far from her parents with the express purpose of going to parties and having sex. She "experimented" sexually with both men and women. She became so promiscuous that even her non-Muslim friends worried about her.

One young Muslim girl started secretly texting online with a non-Muslim American guy. She was 14 and he was 19. Now she's 21 and he's 26, still talking daily. She occassionally flies to meet him in a different state under the guise of visiting her older married siblings so that her parents don't find out. She goes out with him to eat, smoke weed, and chill. She knows that zina is a very bad sin, so she hasn't had sex with him, but she takes off her hijab when she's with him and wears crop tops that show her midsection and show off the bellybutton ring she secretly got.

Please open your eyes and see the reality of the young Muslim men and women raised in this secular society surrounded by promiscuity and hypersexuality.

Please don't deceive yourself or others regarding the enormity of kaba'ir like zina and masturbation. Don't minimize the gravity of these destroyers.

Please help Muslim youth.

- Umm Khalid

[rpgsandbox]

A special kind of magic happens when kids gather around a table to play a fantasy role-playing game. Legends are born, friendships are forged, and they begin to experience real-world personal growth.

For the past seven years, we have been using tabletop games as therapy to help kids become more confident, creative and socially empowered. We're ready to help thousands of children around the world, but we need your help!

Critical Core is a tabletop role-playing game designed to help kids on the autism spectrum build social skills and confidence. It's a great way for parents to engage with their children at home, and for professionals and experienced gamers to use as a group social skills tool.

Critical Core is brought to you by Game to Grow, a 501(c)(3) not-for-profit organization, and co-developed with autism advocates, parents, therapists, and educators.

Suitable for cognitive age 9+, including teens and adults.

2 to 4 players recommended, plus one adult that acts as the facilitator. (Game Master)

Players must have basic listening and verbalization skills.

When running games with young players on the spectrum, parent or certified therapist should be present.

Experienced gamers will be able to integrate Critical Core into their favorite platform: Ruleset is adapted and streamlined from D&D's 5th Edition OpenSRD.

A great introduction to tabletop role-playing games for everyone.

The Critical Core Starter Set has everything you need to play. The game has been tuned to be as easy as possible to get started and stay engaged.

Facilitator's Guide - For parents, therapists, and Game Masters, our best practices on running fun and effective therapeutic gaming groups.

Player & Game Master Guides - Quick-start rules and playing guides for players and Game Masters.

Adventure Modules - Tested and tuned to be challenging and fun.

Dice (4 sets) - One for each player, one for the Game Master. Enough to run a 3 player game out-of-the-box.

Character Sheets - 4 popular hero archetypes, each with their own unique abilities.

Game Cards - Not required for play, but helpful aids for both players and Game Masters - Visualization, quick-reference rules, and spell cards.

Game Tokens - Visualization aids for working with the included map.

Reusable map - whiteboard marker friendly.

Please note: Artwork shown is work-in-progress and may be subject to change!

Critical Core is fit-for-purpose, designed to help neurodiverse players get started and stay engaged. At the same time, facilitators are provided with the right tools to make the experience effective without it 'feeling like therapy'.

Each encounter the players face is targeted to help build strength in areas that are related to challenges associated with autism spectrum disorder.

Critical Core is scaffolded around the DIR/Floortime model, and game encounters map to the FEDC framework. (Function Emotional Developmental Capacities)

But all of this is under the hood. At its heart, Critical Core is simply FUN.

When kids engage in a world of fantasy play they are free to explore new ideas and relationships in a safe and fun sandbox. Skills learned while playing Critical Core can last a lifetime.

Although designed for kids on the autism spectrum, Critical Core is just as beneficial (and fun) for all kids. It's an easy stepping stone into the fantastic world of tabletop role-playing games.

Critical Core is built on established developmental frameworks and distills seven years of practical gaming therapy experience into an easy-to-use format. It is an amazing tool that can be used at home, at school, in a therapist’s office, or out in the community. And above all, it's great fun.

Game to Grow - Adam Davis (MA Ed) and Adam Johns (LMFT)

Critical Core is brought to you by Game to Grow, a 501(c)(3) organization that runs tabletop RPG therapy gaming groups every week. Founders Adam Johns and Adam Davis are distilling 7 years of experience and best practices into the Critical Core project so that the benefits of intentional gaming can be spread to an even wider audience.

Virginia Spielmann (MSOT) - Executive Director of STAR Institute for Sensory Processing Disorder in Denver, Colorado.

Virginia is a British trained Occupational Therapist with more than 20 years experience working in pediatrics. Virginia co-leads the development of the Critical Core Project, defining the system within the established DIR Floortime™ framework of developmental intervention.

mcgarrybowen Greater China - creative agency

The Critical Core project was initiated and co-created by creative agency mcgarrybowen Greater China as part of an ongoing program to provide creative solutions for social good.

ICDL - The Interdisciplinary Council on Development and Learning

A not-for-profit organization dedicated to promoting each person's development to their fullest potential. ICDL was formed over 20 years ago to be the official home of DIR® and DIRFloortime, recognized as the next generation of evidence-based intervention for autism and other developmental challenges.

Your passion and support can make Critical Core a reality. Please, pledge now and then get a friend to do the same. Together we can bring the incredible benefits of intentional gaming to those who need it most.

We're committed to getting this right. The majority of our time will be spent improving and refining the Critical Core Starter Set with the feedback from beta testers and testing groups. We also have some final artwork and design work to take care of, and of course there is the physical production. We'll be keeping you informed throughout the process, and probably asking for some help and advice along the way!

Game to Grow is a not-for profit 501(c) company, and our donations are allocated to helping run game groups for kids across the Seattle region. Kickstarter is important for two reasons:

First, you are an amazing community, and if anyone can help spread the word about the incredible benefits of role-playing games, it's you!

Second, there are costs involved in developing and manufacturing Critical Core, so Kickstarter helps us to produce this amazing project!

Perhaps you already have a favorite role-playing game and are wondering how Critical Core can fit into your gaming life. Like many of you, we are avid gamers and have many games we’ve loved for years.

Critical Core can improve the games you’re already playing.

If you’re already playing an established RPG with your kids, your students, or your community, Critical Core can still help you improve your game and boost your outcomes.

Critical Core contains a rule system, designed to be easily accessible to a neuro-diverse population as well as new facilitators, but that’s not all! If you are already established using a game that you enjoy and find effective, you’ll be able to use the other components of Critical Core that are designed to support a game facilitator in helping their players learn and grow.

Critical Core contains a unique module design where in-game scenarios are targeted to real-world development outcomes. This can be translated to most established role-playing games. Additionally, the Critical Core kit includes a facilitator’s guide which contains the learnings of the past seven years of facilitating role-playing games for social growth.

Do I need prior experience with role-playing games to run Critical Core?              No. Critical Core is a 'rules-light' tabletop RPG, and the instructions will be designed to help brand new Game Masters quickly learn how to facilitate games that are enriching and fun. We are also planning to release video guides and tutorials to help you out!

I'm already playing tabletop RPGs with my kids!

Awesome! You already know the amazing benefits we're talking about. You also know from experience, that tabletop RPGs can be easy to pick up and play, but learning how to be a great Game Master can be challenging, especially for new players.

Why not use an established role-playing game platform?

Critical Core's rule set is adapted from D&D's 5th Edition Open SRD. We have taken out some of the complexity for new players and Game Masters. Think of Critical Core as an entry-level platform: easier for parents, schools, and clinics to pick up and play.

Are you trying to replace my favorite game?

No way! We see Critical Core as a stepping stone to the wide world of RPG gaming. Actually, we hope that as kids grow familiar and comfortable with the system, they can move on to your favorite platform. If you're already using some of the great games out there, then more power to you!

So how is Critical Core different?

We have applied our experience and best practices to help children (and caregivers) have the most effective and fun experience possible.

Meticulously designed adventure content to help empower kids with social and problem-solving challenges.

Game encounters, guidebooks, mechanics heavily influenced by established developmental frameworks (DIR/Floortime).

Rules have been adapted to be easier for new players and Game Masters to pick up.

Adventures divided into 'one-shot' chapters that can be completed in 90 minutes.

Goldilocks Content' ��-  not too complex/scary and not too easy/cartoony. Just right.

I've been GM'ing for years, what's in this for me?

For starters, you'll be able to pick up the Critical Core system in minutes. We have had inquiries from organizations from across the globe who want to start using Critical Core. You could be a great mentor or GM partner for Critical Core games. Please contact us for more info on how you can help!

Kickstarter campaign ends: Fri, April 26 2019 8:00 AM BST

Website: Game to Grow

[scrapyardboyfriends]

What I want for all of the characters on the show right now (A mostly comprehensive list)

Aaron - Post spiral, give him Seb. Let him be a single dad. Give him a new friend (a new character, Billy, Vic/Matty/Amy) Have him either get a new partner at the scrapyard or get rid of it altogether and buy into the garage so he can interact with people again from time to time. Also...overalls. 

Liv - Get her away from Aaron. Let her mix with the teens again. Especially the Gabby/Leanna/Jacob crowd. Explore her epilepsy in that setting. Explore her asexuality more. I’d love to see her realize she might have a thing for a girl. 

Chas - Cheat on Paddy. Get out of that character suffocating relationship. Get her spark back. 

Paddy - Break up with Chas. Take a holiday? Stick to scenes with Marlon?

Bear - LEAVE - He serves no purpose. Even less so now that Faith has gone too. He’s just dead weight and his and Paddy’s relationship is not interesting in any way. 

Eric - I’d like to see the B&B more. I miss when we used to see him there with Val all the time. 

David - I’d like to see him stay single for a while. Take more of an interest in Jacob and keep being a dad to Theo. Could have new parent stories with Vic or Chaddy (**shudder I know).

Leyla - I’d like to see her get to do more at Take a Vow, get to plan Sam and Lydia’s big village wedding and more. I would definitely be up for her and Liam if they want to go there. 

Jacob - I’d like to see him actually continue to mention that he’s getting counseling and see some of the effects of that. If they don’t go with Liam and Leyla, I think he and Leanna properly together could be nice. 

Liam - Keep being the amazingly fabulous person that he is. I’m sad we lost Bernice, but I do think he and Leyla really could work if they wanted to go there. 

Leanna - I’d like to see her keep up her friendship with Gabby even though their parents aren’t together anymore. I’d be open to seeing her and Jacob actually date if their parents aren’t going to.

Gabby - I’d love to see Gabby get a bigger story. Let her start being a bit more adult. I’d like to see her get a job in the village. She could go back to working at the B&B but we actually see it. I’d love to see her get a real love interest or a big issue story. Rosie has proven she can handle bigger material with the Ashley stuff, so I’d like to see her get to do that again. 

Diane - I’d love to see more of the B&B again in general. I miss it. I’d keep her to the comedy stuff. Let her interact with Eric more and Liam too. Maybe a few heart to hearts with Aaron since she’s the only one who will listen to him apparently. 

Wendy - LEAVE - I really don’t know what purpose she serves once she eventually realizes Lee was a rapist and Vic wasn’t lying. I just want Vic to be free of these people and I don’t see what Wendy brings to the village and Vic shouldn’t have to forgive her for all of the harassment and the stalking and she shouldn’t have to accept her into Harry’s life. Just let Wendy go Emma Barton and babynap Harry and be done with it. 

Luke - LEAVE - I don’t really have a problem with Luke but I’d rather Vic just get a fresh start away from all of Lee’s family. If he did stay though, I guess he could be a candidate for being Aaron’s friend as long as they built that up in a more natural way rather than him just happening to be there when he’s getting chucked out of clubs. 

Victoria - Needs a fresh start for her and Harry. I think Vic is a character that needs to be rested for a while. She had a big year last year and I think she could just enjoy being a mum and juggling that with work and supporting her friends. I think in the second half of the year, perhaps they could explore her trying to date again. I just wouldn’t have it be Luke.

Matty - I know he just moved back to the farm, but I need him to move right back out again. Matty needs to have his own story, not just be stuck on Moira duty. I really really want to see them explore a relationship story for Matty again. 

Amy - Since they’re obviously never going to give her any consequences for Frank’s death, I’d sort of just like to see her keep being a supportive friend for the time being. I think she’s good in that role. Or, and we’d have to see how it worked out chemistry wise, they could have Amy try and help Matty find a girlfriend and end up falling for him instead. 

Kerry - Keep using her in small doses only. Her and Mandy make a fun comedy duo in the salon but they need to be kept at a minimum to appreciate them. 

Cain - I’d like to see him have a thing with Cara again perhaps. If he’s ever going to get back with Moira, they need to take their time with it and really properly build it back up and make it stick this time. 

Moira - Let her lose the farm for the love of god so a new family can move in. She needs a massive shake up as a character because she’s just going in circles. She needs off the farm and back in the mix of the village. I have considered the idea of her buying Charity out of the pub with the farm sale money. She could fight with Chas as they work out how to run the pub together. Give them both their spark back and that could pave the way for her and Cain to work things out if they want to go that way. She’d just have to learn to not drink the place dry first. 

Nate - LEAVE - I want Cara to stay but Nate still seems pretty useless to me. I just don’t think Cain ever needed another kid in the picture. I don’t see what it does for him as a character. I don’t see why he should have to forgive Nate for what he did. So...what’s the point. Plus Pete is leaving so he won’t have him to help on the farm anyway. Mostly, I want him to facilitate Cara staying and then get run over by his own tractor or something. 

Cara - I’ve liked her so far in the three episodes we’ve gotten of her. I’d be up for her staying for a bit and sorting Nate out or pushing him in front of that tractor and maybe having a thing with Cain or anyone else she wants to. 

Charity - I’d love to see her get out of the pub and get back to using her business skills. I’d love to see some real conflict between her and Vanessa that lasts more than a week and a half. But if they’re going to ever get married, just let them get married and then let them have conflict or something. I’d love to see her continue to pay attention to Noah. 

Vanessa - Again, conflict for her and Charity. Could be interesting to finally get her mum to come to the village. She could come for the wedding, cause some friction between her and Charity. I’d like them to continue her friendships with Rhona and Moira. She’s good in friend mode. 

Noah - I think they’ve been doing well with Noah lately. I would like to see him and Charity work on their relationship more. I’d like to maybe see him mixing it up with the older teens again too. Maybe a crush on a girl. 

Sarah - Same as Noah, I’ve liked what they’ve been doing with her lately. And I’d just keep her hanging out with the rest of the teens. 

Ryan - LEAVE?? - I hate to say that because obviously having a disable character on the show is a good thing but he just never should have been Charity’s son. She didn’t need another kid and they haven’t done nearly enough with that relationship to make it worthwhile. They barely let him interact with his siblings. All he does is show up for occasional tech help. And he’s only up at Home Farm to facilitate Graham murder stuff so just like...do something with him or let him go. 

Kim - Keep her interacting with the rest of the village. It’s the best version of her. I’d love to see her properly fall for someone and have real feelings rather than it all feeling like a manipulation. 

Jamie - Keep him and Andrea separated. Let him keep this backbone he’s developed. I’d like to see him repair his relationship with Rhona post Graham because I did like it at the start. I think he and Belle could be good together. 

Andrea - LEAVE??? - She’s another one who they either need to do something with or let her go. She might be the one to kill Graham and leave that way, who knows. If she’s going to stay, she needs to move into the village and get out of Home Farm and away from Jamie and make her own life. Get a proper friend, find someone new etc. 

Rhona - Rhona probably needs a post Graham break. Then I’d just like to see her repair all of her relationships with everyone she’s hurt. As far a romance for her goes, I did consider her and Marlon getting back together. Although as things currently stand...that’s gonna take awhile. 

Al - If they’re going to put him with Kim, I want real feelings. Mostly, I want them to let him be a real villain. The show needs a villain and the Al that first showed up in the village had that potential. 

Ellis - LEAVE - Damnit Asan! I loved Ellis but New!Ellis just doesn’t work. I don’t know if he could if they actually gave him screen time and his own story but as it is now, I just want to ship him back to Dubai. 

Billy - I really like Billy right now. I love that they’re keeping his relationship with Marlon going. I like him and Dawn. They could probably use some real conflict at some point too but so far, I like them as they are. If Al was going to go full villain, that could also provide some good material for him. He is a candidate for a friend for Aaron too. I know how he was introduced and that they never really resolved that between them but there’s always the chance for them to have a proper conversation about it and move on. I think they could be good for each other in the long run. Aaron is lost without Robert and Billy no longer has a proper Ellis, so it could work potentially. 

Dawn - As I said, I like her and Billy together. I think they need to make a decision with Lucas once and for all. If she’s going to get him back, I think it could provide good material for her and Billy, dealing with having a little kid to parent. 

Harriet - Zzzzzzzzzzzz - Is it time for a new vicar yet? Mostly, I think she needs to stick to the village events and the background snark because whenever she gets a real story, it’s just so dull. 

Will - much the same as Harriet. He could stay or go, I wouldn’t care. He’s fine as village color I guess. 

Marlon - He’s great as he is, serving up snark and food from the Woolpack kitchen. I love him playing support to everyone, he always elevates whatever scene he’s in. I’d love to see him get a love interest that is going to stick around for a while. Both he and April need that stability. If they can get past the Graham of it all, he and Rhona have always worked well together. So...maybe?

Zak - I assume Zak is off because of the actor needing the break. I hope Steve Halliwell is doing okay. Before Lisa got killed off, I always thought it would have been an interesting story for Zak to get killed off but for now he can just be if he ends up coming back. 

Belle - I’d like to see her get more to do at the vets and I’d be up for her and Jamie. 

Sam and Lydia - LET THEM GET MARRIED!!!! A big, crazy Sam and Lydia wedding is all I want. Also would like to see Lydia continue to deal with the Huntingtons stuff and her family.

Mandy - Like Kerry, she’s best in small doses. I like her up with the rest of the Dingles though. She is fun. I wouldn’t mind it if she stuck around a bit longer. 

Vinny - I still don’t have a clue what’s going on with Vinny and who his parents are and if that will ever be relevant. If it’s going to be, I wish they’d just get it over with already. Other than that, if he’s staying, I’d like to see him actually leave Wishing Well and make friends with some of the other teens in the village. 

Bob - Stick to bar work and stay the hell away from Wendy. 

Brenda - Keep being you. I’d like to see them properly do something with her and Doug though because I forget they’re actually supposed to be together most of the time. 

Doug - Let him plan a garden show or something insane like that. 

Rodney - SMALL DOSES

Nicola and Jimmy - Keep being the legends you are. I want to see Jimmy get properly absolved for all of the Arthur/Archie stuff. I want to see so much more of Councilor Nicola. I’d like to see Jimmy take someone new on at the Haulage firm and maybe just sigh all the time that they’re not Robert because he was better. 

Laurel and Jai - I want to see them stay together. I think they work well together. They just need to get through this Graham mess in tact and sort out their kids’ problems. I’d like to see them continue to blend their families though, maybe living together eventually. I’d also like to see Jai have some success in business. Either at the outdoor pursuits place or starting his own thing again. 

Priya - LET HER BE A SHARMA AGAIN. Let’s forget Rakesh ever existed. GET HER A STORYLINE!!! GIVE HER A NEW LOVE INTEREST! Literally anything. 

Rishi and Manpreet - I want to see his chocolate business grow some more. And for them to just keep being as they are. 

Pearl - I MISS PEARL! I hope she’s okay. Any Pearl we can get is good. 

Dan - Small Doses, stick to the background. 

Pete - Please need to leave to go tend to your one remaining brother because his girlfriend got hit by a bus…

Tracy - Let Tracy find some business success again. I really liked her trying to start her own business. Or if Andrea goes, let her go work at Take a Vow with Leyla. Let her find love again too. 

New Characters I want

A new family at Butler’s Farm - let them be a big family with multiple generations. They decimated the Bartons and the show needs another bigger family coming in all together to balance out all of the Dingles. 

A new gay male character in his 20s to take the pressure off of Aaron needing to be in a relationship. I think it would be nice if they were friends though. Let the new guy have some crazy relationships of his own. Could be part of the new family.

Teen lesbian. Could be part of the new family too. I think it’d be nice to explore coming out or already being out for the younger generation. Also could be an interesting potential love interest for Liv. 

[erickatto]

look,  it’s  erick  atto,  did  you  know  they  now  work  as  a(n)  sober  coach  /  uber  driver  ?  you  know,  they  can  be  a  bit  collegal  &  impartial,  but  they’re  honestly  changeable  &  mulish.  when  i  hear  their  name  i  think  of  the  comforting  smell  of  homemade  cooking,  the  ready-to-volunteer  designated  driver,  brown  eyes  that  could  never  feel  like  a  stranger’s,  listening  to  the  bustle  of  the  city,  a  heart  to heart  they  also  seem  to  be  a  bit  thrilled  about  everyone  getting  together. 

FULL NAME: erick atto NICKNAME(S): rick, ricky DOB: october 4th, 1986 AGE: thirty-three GENDER: cis male  NATIONALITY: american  ETHNICITY: ughandian  HOMETOWN: willow, maine RELIGION: none, raised by roman catholic parents  SPOKEN LANGUAGE(S): english ( fluent ), swahili ( hardy, much to the dismas of his mother ) OCCUPATION: uber driver  /  sober coach  

the one in the back 

hjHKJDHWKE i don’t know what to SAY about erick. he was the boy that had an odd affliction for kung-fu movies that followed him into his teens as much as his poster of jackie chan from the drunk master did ( i wouldn’t be surprised if it’s still in his room to this day, even if it’s been shoved to a corner wrapped back up ). odd hobbies aside, anyone with a problem would end up talking to erick, whether it was because they knew his nature from their own experiences or by a recommendation from a friend. he was a real problem-solver and had a way with people - and most importantly, he kept his mouth shut. 

erick didn’t necessarily need the validation from the dogs about his hobbies n other stuff - he was assured in the fact he liked them and that was kind of ?? all he needed. but knowing that they wanted to be involved ( even if that was just to make him feel involved ) meant a lot to him. he’s a quiet extrovert, for sure, and being around a group of louder personalities kept him balanced. he was definitely not one to miss out on a group outing and probably didn’t ?? ever. you could rely on erick to always be there because spending time in the group would always bring him comfort over being alone. i’m also imagining that he took a lead role in planning a lot of events because of this. if nothing was going on, he wanted to make sure something Was. he’s always found comfort in familiarity, which is ironic when you think about the fact he moved Away from all that. 

but as much as he loved the dogs, it was willow that he couldn’t stand. freedom from his parents sounded like something he could do with, even if it was only for a few years until college was finished. some extended family lived in new york - he’d visited a lot throughout his childhood and adolescence and became enamored with the city. it was only when a compromise was reached between him and his parents in which he could move there after graduation, given that he attended a community college there, that his dreams of moving there would be ultimately fulfilled. while in new york, he moved into a shared house with a cousin of his and some others desperate for housemates ( it wasn’t as if the city was short of them ). he attended college, as promised, picking the degree that made the most sense at the time which was business. looking back, it made little sense - but looking back, college altogether made little sense. he’d never responded too well to academic restraints. 

when studying at college, he was introduced into the world of cab driving. originally, it was more of a necessary evil in order to continue his payments for college. but after a few months - once he saw the money he could accrue from the same hours he was doing at a local hardware store as a cashier  - college became the secondary thing. with any increase in rides came an increase in money and truly, at that time, there was no better city than new york with its population just shy of 8 million - at least in comparison to willow. he eventually quit college and took cab driving full time.

somewhere along the way was an unhappy marriage, the result of a somewhat happy relationship. they were both young ( in their early twenties ) and it made sense at the time ( he really do be doing a lot of things bc they ‘make sense’ dfhkd ) ; he has a large array of family members and almost all of them are married and the same went for his wife. as with a lot of marriages, this one came with a pregnancy and quite soon, too. by the age of 24, erick was married and now a father. fast forward five years and a whole lot of same for erick, he found himself finalising a divorce. it wasn’t the messiest of divorces, but with there being a child involved, things were destined to be complex. neither parent was willing to take any less than full custody, which is why their only option was to settle for joint-custody. the two week by two week schedule worked for a few years, each parent living local to one another and having family to facilitate the handoffs. it worked until erick’s ex-wife moved back to her hometown near quebec city, canada. suddenly a journey between homes that took an hour max was going to push closer to ten. it wasn’t feasible. and so, for the sake of his kid, he moved back to willow, inching the eventual journey down to just a few hours, manageable enough for the both of them - but more imprtantly, fair for their daughter, violet. 

BASICALLY, he’s now 33 and has been living in willow again for the past four years. he moved back in with his parents and as much as he could, relied on his work with uber and local cab firms to help with the rent. his mother works in care and has done since erick was young. there was a volunteer opportunity in the local drugs and alcohol centre that she saw advertised and knowing that her son needed all the transferable skills he could get, she suggested it to him. after volunteering there for a year, when a job opportunity came up, erick took it and ran with it. he wanted something more than driving and tbh, the talking therapy he was providing to addicts was not too dissimilar to what he’d spent the past ten years doing as a cab driver. he genuinely adores his job for what it gives those he can help and for what it gives him. when he’s not at work, he’s with his daughter and that’s something he’s more than okay with. responsibility is a comfort to him in ways.

one of his worst traits is that he can be SO lazy. he’s a good cook ( his mom made Sure of that ), but instead of cooking his daughter a gorgeous meal, he’d much rather stick on some chicken nuggets and smiley faces bc it’s Easy and he’s tired. 

 i imagine he’s kept in touch with those who remained in willow ( especially in the past few years ) - and to those that flew willow’s nest, he’s used social media to keep it touch, even if that ‘touch’ only extended to a few likes on facebook profile pictures. 

wanted plots?

the person in the dogs erick kept in touch with the most ( mainly over facebook ) during his time in nyc. 

someone in the rats whom erick developed a friendship with post-high school ( again, likely started on facebook ).

an old flame 👀

someone who stayed in or has lived in willow for the past few years and has become a close friend of erick ; they help out a lot with violet when his parents can’t.

someone erick had eyes on during high school ... but they happened to be dating someone else at the time ( or he just never made a move )

ANYTH I NG GIB ME 

[helloecoleglobale]

Ways to Give Your Teen Constructive Criticism

When you say, "You shouldn't try this," to an adolescent, your feedback is probably going to be met with an eye roll. By the time youngsters change into teens, they don't assume they have much facilitated by adults—especially their parents. When a student started to live in boarding school he/she faces the criticism at some point in their school so here is the need to prepare kids to deal with the problem. Ecole Globale, one of the best boarding school in dehradun that provides a good atmosphere of their student and behaves equally.

But, simply because your teenager doesn't appreciate your words of knowledge, doesn't mean you shouldn't provide your recommendation. Constructive criticism is often essential to your teen's well-being.

Your teenager has to know how to enhance his social skills and various best school in Dehradun are also teach them to become a social personality. He'll want guidance on steps he may take to be healthier. He'll need your recommendation on how he will improve his possibilities of success. There are several reasons why you must offer your teenager constructive criticism.

Why Constructive Criticism is Very Important

Your teenager must be ready to hear constructive criticism while not mechanically turning into defensive or litigious. His future boss, school professors, and the partner can likely offer him constructive criticism from time to time. Having the ability to listen to those words—and apply them—could facilitate him to become a far better person.

But before he takes that recommendation, he'll need to be open to listening to it. Then, he'll be ready to evaluate that recommendation and be open to changing his behavior.

Every time you offer your teenager constructive criticism, you offer him a chance to grow and change. You also provide him with an opportunity to follow handling feedback from others.

Critiquing your teenager's performance, whether you're giving feedback on; however, he filled out his application, or you're telling him what you noticed during his football match, it is very important.

Pointing out mistakes in a very mild manner will help your teenager see that mistakes aren't something he ought to be ashamed of. Instead, you'll be able to use it as an opportunity to indicate him how to bounce back from failure by turning his errors into a learning opportunity.

Constructive Feedback vs Setting Limits

If you're offering constructive feedback, view your role as a guide. Point out what your teenager did well whereas adding what she may do higher next time.

Remember that constructive criticism is your opinion. It's totally different from addressing a broken rule or a serious violation. Instead, it's regarding recommending how your teenager may improve.

Suggesting your teenager finish his shirt before he heads out to dance is constructive criticism. Grounding him for missing his curfew is regarding setting limits.

Start With a Positive Relationship

Have you ever received criticism from your senior whom you didn't respect? Are you able to recall a time throughout your adolescence when an adult you didn't admire offered you uninvited advice?

If you don't trust the person providing you with feedback, you won't hear what that person should say. Instead of thinking about the way to apply their feedback to your life, you'll invest your energy into thinking about why this person's recommendation doesn't matter.

So before you offer your teenager constructive criticism, check that you have a healthy relationship. If your teenager respects you, he'll have respect for your opinion.

But even though you aren't on the simplest of terms, make sure you continue to set right limits and follow through with consequences when necessary. As you're employed to make your relationship, you'll be able to start giving more feedback regarding the little things.

Address the Behavior, Not the Person

Please keep your comments centered on what your teenager will, not who she is. Therefore instead of saying, "You always dress like a slob," try, "Wearing your pajamas pants get into public would possibly send the incorrect message to individuals regarding however you are feeling about yourself."

Point out the behavior that concerns you and say why you're concerned. Don't attack her and avoid referring more than one issue at a time.

Be Kind, But Direct

Resist using sarcasm or teasing your teenager regarding her choices. Specific your concern in a kind, but clear manner.

So rather than hint around that her dress is just too tight, be direct regarding your concern. You'll be able to be still kind and gentle while also using direct communication.

Use a neutral tone of voice and check out to use "I" statements rather than "You" statements. Rather than saying, "You don't ever manage to get your homework done at a reasonable hour," say, "I think it might be a good plan to establish a schedule for yourself, therefore, you'll be able to get your school assignment done earlier within the evening."

Listen to Your Teen's Opinion

After you've expressed your concern, ask your teenager for his opinion. Raise queries like, "Do you think that that could be a problem for you at some point?"

Don't be surprised if your adolescent doesn't see things the same means you are doing. Your years of knowledge can offer you a distinct perspective, and he's likely to insist you don't understand what it takes to be a teenager in today's world.

But showing a willingness to listen to your adolescent will go a long way toward encouraging your teen to listen to you.

[cruzrogue]

Into the future partI

Doing 31 prompts. #fictober19

There is no rhythm or reason just the beloved characters in short or multi-chapter stories.

#arrow fanfiction @fictober-event  #olicity Rated; general 

Chapter 1 prompt: “It will be fun, trust me.”

Hope you enjoy!

 Entering the old bookstore situated just off Quincy Market, the seemly gothic girl glances at an old bookshelf that needs a good dusting. With Halloween coming this month she and a college roommate decided to finally enter this establishment that has given both girls the heebie jeebies. Like a summoning that could not be resisted.

“It will be fun, trust me.”

Those famous words always used before the fun would vanish and despair and fear will win over. As Felicity finger swipes at an old book cover as she tries to make the words out. She doesn’t see a pair of eyes glancing her way from the open balcony observing the girls in a quaint little shop that seems to only be opened around the Autumnal Equinox.

Her fingers hoover over a certain book. The way her heart speeds up it seems as if she can’t help but touch the really small scripted Latin words on the binding. “saecula saeculorum diligit animarum” She has no idea what it truly says. She understands some of the words like ‘Souls’ and the word ‘love’ It’s the deep sultry voice of a woman who tells her that she has invoked a vision of her future love.

“A what?” says the seventeen-year-old confused, she just came in because her roomy said it would be fun to go into this cryptic store during the Halloween season. There was no way she cares to find love of any sort. Love isn’t anywhere in her top ten priority list as she’s studying at M.I.T. Her passion is technology. She has no room for silly love notions. “I’m good. No need for any…” she doesn’t get to finish her sentence as she’s transported into a purple haze and a man she’s never seen before welcomes her.

He looks old, has a very distinct haircut and seems to favor metallic clothing. She gets a good look at his cape and she can just tell right there that this man is really not her type. “Who are you?”

“For you should not be here. You have created a paradox. It is your offspring who should be standing by my side.”

“My what?” Felicity glances around and its really devoid of anything. “Mister? I don’t know who you are? I actually don’t really care. I’m not into you so bring me home right now!”

“I am the Monitor.”

“Yea, well I’m Felicity Smoak and I’m a minor so you freaky robo-man that lives in a bookshelf take me home right this instant!”

“I know of who you are. You are actually of great significance. Though you being upon this dimension before 2040 is of great concern.”

“Buddy, it’s 2006 I think you’re off your rocker.”

“Mrs. Queen, I make no mistakes. You are destined to be of great importance but towards the crisis you helped facilitate bringing in the wrong people into your circle. They are your greatest threat.”

“So, I become a queen? What the dark ages happen again and I get my own castle?” Rolling her eyes at her own words. She must be dreaming because this is just to wild and way too far out then any reality could ever muster.

“No, you aren’t a queen per se. You marry a queen and it is your child…”

“Wait! Wait. Hold on. Your telling me I’m married to a woman. No offense to that but are you sure? I mean I’ve never been attracted to any friends in that way. Oh my gosh… Is this like a coming out party in my own head? I… I need to sit down.”

The Monitor hardens his fists. This conversation isn’t particular going according to any plan. He needs to just state facts before this child before him brings on certain doom. “Your destiny is always parallel to your husband, Oliver Queen as long as you find each other in each dimension it is a love of ages.”

The teenage girl just glares at the out of place dressed man. She is relieved that he’s not her future love interest she would seriously think of what her life choices have been to be into a tinman. Yes, she always loved the movie Wizard of Oz but come on, she’s also a teen that enjoys grunge music and her gothic look. This man is just so futuristic and he makes her feel queasy so hopefully that isn’t how love supposed to feel.

“Okay, so I’m married. I guess there are worse fates. I mean I’ve always seen myself fighting the man.” With his stare on her she shrugs. “Hey I have ambitions. Becoming a cyber-fighter for good. It must be relevant because I’m talking to you. Aren’t I?”

His sigh tells her enough. She must be annoying him. He turns to a new haze and she just watches as it becomes more fluid and wonders if they are going to go through.

Instead a man walks out and stops short. Felicity can see that somehow she is recognizable to him but she doesn’t know him at all.

“What is she doing here?”

“It seems your wife found a way to cross time and space. She’s looking for you.”

Felicity gives the tinman the stink eye. She never came looking for anyone. Particularly older men. Just yuck. She just wants to go back to where she comes from and run out of the crazy bookstore.

“This version of Felicity is to young. She’s not my wife.” Oliver looks at the younger version of his wife. He doesn’t know what dimension he is in but no one can replace the love of his life.

“Hey buddy. You’d be lucky to even have me.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just you’re a kid. I…” Oliver turns to the Monitor. “What is going on?”

“It seems that she is here to help you. Her fiery spirit opened a gateway.” The Monitor than begins to walk towards the still fluid gateway that Oliver came through. “It seems she is another key once placed by design. Rather fascinating. I must gather intel on this phenomenon.” The man disappears.

Felicity now observing her so-called future husband, “What year are you from?”

“It’s 2019. I left you with our child.”

“What do you mean left? As abandoned? Because that is just super sleazy. My dad…”

“Felicity? I had no choice. Saving my family is my top priority.”

She looks at the void they are in. She doesn’t feel the confidence he does. Somehow she states it, “Wow! That is just some whopper that you must feed yourself. You abandoned your family! There is always a choice.”

Oliver just looks at the teenage version of his wife-to-be. She really does have this fire inside of her. Knowing now that her story about Cooper and how her resilience dimmed somewhat actually pains him. That she’ll coast along until his mission gives her something to fight for again.

“You’ll always be amazing.”

She’s looking up at him and for the first time since meeting tinman she’s actually comfortable. “I’m not one to be bashful to complements but I don’t understand any of this.”

“I need you to go live your life.” With a head tilt she makes, it has him reading her, knowing it is an inquiry. “You said you’d always find me. I’ll hold you to that.” Her eyes seek his and she smiles for the first time since entering this weird dream. His words soft but she can tell he means it, “I will always love you.”

“Even if this is the weirdest fantasy ever. I will find you… again.”

He just winks at her. “I’m counting on it. Goodbye Felicity Smoak Queen.” Without her noticing the strange bubble that is wrapping around her, he just pushes a stain of her dark hair from her face needing some small contact with her. It brings a newfound hope in him once again. They’ll find one another again. He knows it. Then poof she is gone. He just takes a moment and walks through the portal there is much to do and he can’t wait to see her again, hopefully in her older version form he has come to love.

Felicity gulps as she takes in her surroundings again. She back in the forsaken bookstore and just looks to hightail it out of there.

A strong woman’s voice stops her before truly departing. “A glimpse of things to come. Though you’ve been granted a way to change an occurrence for that future is dreary my child.”

“How?”

“Take this key. On any keyhole you’ll be granted this world.”  Felicity looks around. There is a lot of books in this tiny store. She notices her friend isn’t in the store anymore. “Do as you will and heed to protect those you love and our world.”

“Our world?” The girl shakes her head at the nonsense but just as quickly there is an understanding. She has a chance to save the love of her life. If that makes any sense? She just met an older good looking man that she supposes she marries in the future. She now wonders about this Oliver Queen? She’ll have to take a look at what the internet says about him. Taking the key and saying her goodbyes.

Leaving the shop to look for her roommate. The moment she steps out the brightness of the day’s sun has her squint her eyes and as she quickly turns to look for the name of the bookstore. She gawks as she is now standing upon a small vacant alley. There is nothing there.

As she stands there confused, the world around her is bustling with people walking around not particularly noticing the small alley. Her fingers dig down a pocket and only with her hand wrapped around a brass key does she know that everything that just occurred is real.

Her eyes still focusing on the emptiness before her that when a hand reaches her shoulder she jumps startled. Facing the perpetrator.

“Felicity, where have you been?”

“What do you mean? We went into the bookstore together.”

“I know and I have no clue where that place is anymore but while I was browsing some old looking books you basically left. I said it would be fun but the place was a total bore. No tech books in sight.”

Felicity just nods her head. “You know what we need?”

As her roommate looks to where her friend is regarding and they both call out, “Ice Cream!” Yep, ice cream will make things better. As she takes one last look at the empty lot she knows the strangeness in her life is just beginning. Whomever this Oliver guy is… he is now her field of study. She will find him again.

[pinkielord]

Fictober 2019 Day 1

Prompt #1: “It’ll be fun, trust me.”

Fandom: Pokemon (Based off of the events of Pokemon Sun), Homestuck (very slight though like, the homestuck is simply a facilitator for the pokemon)

Ships: Slight onesided Female!OC x Lillie, Platonic Female!OC x Hau, mentioned Female!OC x Female!OC

Rating: T for Teen

Warnings: Death mention, Swearing

“It’ll be fun, I promise.” “Hau. I am the first ever champion of the Alola Pokemon League. Sure, I might not know a lot of stuff about Alola given that I came here what, a few months ago? But, last I checked, specifically meeting up with a legendary pokemon that could smite us right where we stand, because of a weird dream that felt real, isn’t really anyone’s idea of fun.”

                                                          ~O~

To Vriskaya, Alola was…Interesting to say the least. Even when she first arrived here, somewhat reluctantly as she was perfectly fine staying staying in Kanto MOM, however it wasn’t a huge loss because at least she met nice people. Like Lillie, who was so cool and amazing and actually really pretty, and stood up to her BITCH of a mom like a bo-, okay maybe Vriskaya had a little bit of a crush on her, but that’s all it was! Besides, friends are just as good, admittedly it would be pretty hard anyways to go further, as Lillie was all the way in Kanto now; helping out her mom with that therapy thing that Bill guy made. Which would, of course, help get those neurotoxins out of her mom’s head.  And then, there were the dreams. Hell, they usually felt so real, that it was hard to realize that they were dreams at first. One thing about it that was really weird though, was that they didn’t start happening until she met Tapu Koko. She never told anyone before now because they were just dreams, nothing more, nothing less. And that brought it to the present. Where, after being unable to sleep due to missing Lillie already, despite it only have been about two months since she left. Vriskaya decided to talk to Hau, since hey, he missed her too so why not try and see if the two of them could feel better by talking to each other. And after talking about multiple things, including how bullshit it was that it was only until NOW that Vriskaya’s mom had unpacked all of their things, as she had LOADS of time on her hands when Vriskaya was out doing the Island Challenge, she had brought up the dreams. And then it all went sideways.

“I’m just saying, if they felt so real, then maybe they aren’t dreams y’know?” Hau said, shrugging slightly. Vriskaya then laughed a bit at the seemingly preposterous suggestion, “What are they then? Memories of a past lifetime? Come on! They are just dreams! Sure they are lifelike, but hey, some dreams can be.” She explained, because what else could they be but dreams? “Well, they could be memories. You’ve heard that story about the legendary beasts right? Well it could be like that!” He said, thinking of the story he read while in Malie City about the legendary beasts and how they came into being. Vriskaya nodded and then said,”Well, yeah, but! That was a special case, and that was specifically with POKEMON and I’m not even sure what I saw were even of this world! Not to mention, I have never seen a Ho-oh, and I am pretty sure the Tapu do not have that kind of ability. Besides, why would I be having some dead person’s memories? I am just me.” Seriously, other lifetimes? Yeah right! Sure, it was definitely within certain pokemons’  powers to bring the dead back to life, but from another world? Of course not!

And that just got him excited, because of course it did. “Well then, no time like the present to find out what’s up with it right?” He said while getting up, and offering a hand to his friend. She gingerly took his hand, and used it to pull herself up. “You are kidding me right? We’re seriously going to go to the Tapu about this?” She said warily, not entirely sure what was going on inside Hau’s head, and she’s not sure if she liked it. From what she heard while doing the challenge, the Tapu were nothing if not fickle. Which, actually makes sense given that they were fairy types, and sometimes fairy types were like that. Vriskaya’s mind going back to when she met her mimikyu, and how it had been several hours before she had found the little bugger, not even counting how long it took her to catch it. Conversely, Hau’s smile showed that he was definitely serious. “C’mon, you said that you started getting them when you met the Tapu right? Well, maybe the Tapu can shed some light on it!” Vriskaya sighed, she knew that it was a lost cause when Hau got something in his head, whether it be eating 100 spicy malasadas in a row, or challenging her at the league everyday for a month, he would stick to it no matter what.

Hau noticed how it seemed like she wasn’t completely on board with his decision. So then he smiled and said,  “It’ll be fun, I promise.” Vriskaya then replied bluntly, “Hau. I am the first ever champion of the Alola Pokemon League. Sure, I might not know a lot of stuff about Alola given that I came here what, a few months ago? But, last I checked, specifically meeting up with a legendary pokemon that could smite us right where we stand, because of a weird dream that felt real, isn’t really anyone’s idea of fun.” She wasn’t exactly enthused with his snap-decision, but hey, who knows what might happen. “I’m still gonna come but I am not entirely sure who would call what we’re going to do ‘fun’.” She said, doubting his words about it being fun. “Hey! It could be fun! Who knows, maybe you might wrestle with it!” He said, with his seemingly never-ending optimism. And, with that last remark, Vriskaya facepalmed. “Yes, because I could totally wrestle with a Tapu.” She said sarcastically.

She then shook her head and grabbed her bag, so she would at least be somewhat prepared for what might happen. “Though, if we get smote, it will totally be your fault for letting me do this.” She informed him, as if making sure that what might happen would be no fault of her own. “Oh come on, I’m sure it won’t be all that bad! Besides, I think the Tapu likes you so it won’t do that!” He said, patting her so hard on the back that she stumbled for a second. “Geez, those lessons with your gramps sure have been paying off huh?” She said, not expecting him to hit that hard.

The two of them then set off for the Ruins of Conflict, not knowing what exactly would be there for them, though it would probably not be fun in the way Hau meant it. Of course, like good friends, they began to converse between the two of them, and eventually, the topic of conversation made it’s way to Lillie. “Hey, Hau, did you… have a crush on Lillie? Before she left I mean.” Vriskaya asked timidly, as if she was unsure if she could ask about that, Lillie did just leave a few months ago after all, the hole from her leaving was still fresh, for both of them. “I-I, dunno, I mean, she was our friend. But, aw, I dunno! Emotions are confusing!” He stammered a bit while blushing, due to the unexpected question. which was understandable, as emotions aren’t really bound to anything logical. Then, Hau said, “What about you Vriskaya? Did you have a crush on her?” And then it was Vriskaya’s turn to blush, and it was much more noticeable, as even with how long she’s lived here, she still doesn’t have that much of a tan. “L-like you said, she was our close friend, and well, emotions are very confusing! M-maybe, if I had known her for longer though…” She admitted, not entirely sure how to deal with stuff like romance. “However, there’s one thing I think we can both agree on! She was, and is, totally awesome!” She said cheerfully. Hau nodded in agreement, “Yeah, she is really cool! I bet she’s enjoying Kanto right now!” Vriskaya then nodded, “Of course! Kanto is really cool! Oh man, I wonder if she has been to Celadon yet, the department store has some really cool items, like some pokedolls and stuff!” She said, remembering when her mom took her there a few times when she was younger.

Then, after not too much longer, they finally made it to the Ruins of Conflict. “Well, we’re here Vriskaya! Now go in and ask Tapu Koko about the dreams!” Said Hau, as he gave her a reassuring pat on the back, though with less force than he had earlier. “W-wait, aren’t you going to come in with me? This was YOUR idea!” She exclaimed, fully expecting Hau to come in with her since he brought up the idea of going here originally. “Well, yeah it was, but, it’s because of your dreams that we came here, not to mention, you are the champion after all, the Tapu will probably listen to you more because of that. Also you saw it once before so you might have some sort of connection to the Tapu, it is the one who gave you the stone for your Z-ring after all!” He explained. “I…guess you’re right. Though, if I don’t make it back alive, find my ashes and have them sprinkled on top of my favorite outfit, it’s the one that’s hanging on the doorknob to my closet.” She said, preparing for the worst case scenario. Which, when going to meet a fickle legendary could very well mean death.

Vriskaya then took a deep breath, and entered the ruins, with one of her hands wrapped around a pokeball, just in case it challenges her to a fight, which is very likely given this particular Tapu’s temperament. When she made it to the altar she kneeled in front of the altar, and said. “Tapu Koko, I, Vriskaya of Melemele Island, the current Alolan League champion, have come bearing a question for you, as it is something that has left me curious. I have been having dreams ever since I first met you months ago, and these dreams, they almost feel too real to be dreams, they are more like…memories. So I come to you to ask, what are these? Are they simply dreams or are they something more?” She then looked up and for a few seconds nothing appeared. Then, suddenly, like a bolt of lighting striking a tall tree in a forest, Tapu Koko appeared!

Then, the Tapu started to speak. But not like actual speech, instead it spoke directly into her mind via telepathy, “Rise Vriskaya of Melemele Island, Current champion of Alola. For the answers that you seek, you must show your worth to me. For you have already shown your worth to those of Alola by protecting them from the one who was corrupted by one who was outside of this world, and by becoming a champion to look up to. Now come!” As Vriskaya rose, she threw out a pokeball that was containing her mudsdale. “Go, mudsdale! Use High Horsepower! to get up to it and then use Heavy Slam to bring it down!” She said, as that was a start of a truly tremendous battle between Alolan spirit and Tapu.

After the battle, Tapu Koko bowed, “You have truly shown your worth to me, not only as what one would call a ‘trainer’, but also as a champion of the Alolan people. Now, for the answer you seek, those ‘dreams’ as you called them are not dreams but instead memories. Memories of a past life, memories of a place that no longer exists.” it told her. “Wha? But, I mean, how?! I am just me! I was born Vriskaya 11 years ago to my mom and my dad, and I lived in Kanto until my mom made me move to here because Dad died and she couldn’t keep up the rent!” She said, freaking out and unsure of what exactly this whole thing was about. Past lives? Places that don’t exist? What the hell does that even mean?! The Tapu nodded slightly, “I can see you are distressed, maybe this will help. now kneel so you can receive the gift of the Tapu.” after it said that, she kneeled and then it floated towards her and placed something akin to a hand on top of her head.

When it did that, everything became known to her. Her name was Vriskaya Serkyam, she was a…troll? And also had a chainsaw that ran on dice? And, she had two friends, one male friend who she cared for a lot, and made sure he didn’t die, no matter what. And one female friend who she probably had feelings for. Their names were Solska and Davenaya. She could also use something called…magic? There was also something about anger, and frustration as well. The three of them were fighting…something, when suddenly an explosion occurred. It was so large and so…different, it felt like every atom in that specific place had collapsed and then… nothing. 

By the time that was over, Vriskaya shakily rose up, somehow seeming just a bit more mature than what she was originally. “T-thank you, Tapu Koko. But, if I may, why was I brought back? That enemy, it destroyed me and my… friends” She asked, curious as to why she had been brought back, after all, she was originally from a destroyed universe, one that didn’t even have any sort of pokemon! “There were some who thought you still had potential left in you, so it was because of them, that you were brought into this world. However, they could only save your soul and not your body, that is why you are like this. They also believed that you would be too distraught if you were aware of all that had happened, that is why your memories were specifically with me. When I saw you when you were saving the cosmog, I felt it was only right to give back some of what once were yours.” It explained.

“Again, thank you for this. I sincerely appreciate it Tapu Koko.” She said, doing a small bow then starting to leave.”Wait! Before you leave, take this.” Tapu Koko said, giving Vriskaya the Tapunium Z. She held it for a little bit before putting it with her other Z-crystals. “You may use it to call upon the power of the Tapu anytime.” it said. “Thank you, I promise I will only use it if I need to.” Vriskaya said, before finally leaving the Ruins of Conflict. 

She then smiled when she saw Hau at the entrance. Thank goodness he was still there. “So…How did it go? Was I right? Were you right?” He asked, bombarding her with questions, since he was definitely worried about her, especially given how serious she was before entering. “Geez, I am fine Hau! And also, I will tell you later okay, since it’s getting pretty late yknow? I’m pretty sure that Hala will notice if you’re not there for your training tomorrow because you slept in from staying up to late!” She said, with a bit of levity in her voice that wasn’t there before.

“Oh man, you’re right! We’d better run so I can make it home on time! But, you gotta tell me eventually okay?” He said, getting a little bit antsy at the mention of Hala’s training. “Now c’mon let’s go!” He said, pulling on her arm, as if to make her go. “Alright, I’m coming, I’m coming.” Vriskaya said, at Hau’s insistence. Once the two made it back to Iki Town, they bid each other goodbye and then went their separate ways. 

Once Vriskaya made it home, she went into her room and started making some sketches for what looked to be three different outfits, each with a slightly different look to them. One being more ninjaesque, while still being a bit formfitting, with a few gear patterns around the front. An outfitthat looked similar to some of the dresses that she had sketched up before, but it was now seemingly mixed with a tuxedo jacket giving it a nice cinched look to it, and it also had some spiral patterns on the arms, and the front pocket of the jacket. And finally, an outfit that at first glance doesn’t look like much, but still has a few flourishes here and there, mainly around the arms and the chest. And they had the titles of “Davenaya”, “Vriskaya Serkyam”, and “Solska”. She then pinned it to a corkboard that had multiple other designs, mainly of poofy dresses, on it. Also, on top of the titled designs, she put down stick notes that say “Do ASAP” on them. For she did not want to forget her friends. Not then, not now, and not ever.

[weaselle]

how to boss

I spent most of my life turning down promotion after promotion working in restaurants and hotels. As a result, when I finally became a restaurant manager, I had twenty+ years experience in the trenches as part of the crew. And that, I think, was very very helpful for me to be the best boss I could be. I told my crew things like:

“You are the expert in your area. I know how to do that job, but you actually do it all shift every shift; I rely on you to tell me how it could be better, where the issues are, what you need. If your section would operate better if it was organized differently, let’s get it set up that way” “You never have to let a customer berate you, be mean to you, or be rude to you, ever, you don’t get paid enough to deal with customers like that and it’s my job to deal with problems. If a customer is being rude or mean, just say ‘I’m going to get my manager’ and come get me, I’ll deal with them. If they are actually yelling, or if they cuss at you, you can walk away without a word, or hang up on them, I will deal with any fallout from that, you don’t deserve to be treated that way and I would never ask you to accept that.”

I had occasion to tell my cashiers (mostly teen girls) “I noticed how (delivery driver) treats you like his personal secretaries, telling you what to do all the time, and I want you to know that even though we encourage all our employees to help each other, you can refuse to do what he says, you can tell him no any time, he doesn’t get to just order you around, and I don’t approve of the way he assumes he can. If you ever feel like his manners cross the line into creepy, please tell me immediately” I also told all the young women who worked for me (nearly everyone there was younger than me) to come get me immediately if a customer was creeping on them, that if they ever got a creepy feeling from a customer they were not obligated to interact with them, that if I had to be that table’s server or be the cashier for that customer I would much rather that then them having to deal with someone that was making them uncomfortable that way. Then I learned that the new kitchen manager was a fucking creep to them (like women were asking to not be scheduled for closing shifts with him so they wouldn’t be alone in the building with him after close) and I got his ass fired. I had to go over my own boss’s head to do it, but my crew deserves a work environment they feel safe in. 

I never asked somebody to do something I wouldn’t do. I made sure when I started as manager that the first couple times the toilet clogged and overflowed, I plunged and mopped. The first couple times a kid or drunk puked, I cleaned it up. I just can’t look someone in the eye and ask them to do a terrible task like that unless I know they’ve seen me also do that thing.

I maintained a level of professionalism. Every once in a while, because my management style is very one-of-the-crew, a driver or cook would come over with their phone and be like “you gotta see this” in such a way that I suspected the kind of material in question and I had to tell them “if that’s drug related or sexual in nature, I have to ask you not to show me that, and tell you that I don’t think showing it to anyone while you are on the clock is a good idea” and they chose not to show me the thing. There were a few other times crew would start talking about things and I would have to excuse myself with a “it’s not appropriate for me to participate in this conversation”

I always stood up for my employees, to each other, or to customers, or to upper management. If somebody said a coworker was lazy, I would point out ways they were not, if someone complained about how a section was closed the night before, I would point out the likelihood of the closers having a very hard and busy night (and offer to help them get the section in order). When customers would complain about someone, I would say things like “I’m so sorry that’s been your experience, that’s very unlike X, she’s very good at her job” or “I don’t know what could have caused such a mistake, X is one of our best ___s here” If management said there was a complaint about a cashier or server and asked who helped that customer, I would say things like “I don’t remember who was scheduled that night, but I was there, it might have been me helping that person” I never stopped working unless I was clocked for a break. On ten to fifteen hour shifts I would often only get a single ten minute break, but when I was on the clock I was always doing a task, because I don’t feel right about asking someone to stay on task and be working if they are on the clock unless I am doing the same. I never asked someone to do something if I wasn’t in the middle of doing something myself. When I asked someone to do something, they could always see that I had my hands full, and they always knew I would do it if I could get to it. If you’re going to ask someone to work hard for you, you should be working at least as hard yourself, imo. 

I never saw my job as overseeing employees FOR upper management, but always saw my job as representing my crew’s interest TO upper management. I never saw my job as telling people how to do their job, but rather as facilitating and supporting them into being able to do their job correctly -- people mostly WANT to do a good job, you just have to give them what they need to be able to do that, and then let them know you notice when they do. I was always extra sure to pass on when customers had compliments about the food or service, even just “hey, table seven says the food is delicious” or whatever -- the complaints always get passed on to the cooks and servers, so it’s really important to for them to hear the good stuff too.

I kept little treats around for the crew, like flavored coffee creamer and instant  hot chocolate, which I paid for out of my own pocket. Once after a particularly nightmarish dinner, when all the customers had left I told everyone to go ahead and sit down and take a break on the clock and I made the whole crew something to eat, didn’t charge them the 1/2 price I was supposed to, and we all sat and ate together and I told them all how much I appreciated their hard work through such a difficult shift.

Every shift, every single person who clocked off got thanked for their work by me. “goodnight, thanks for all your hard work” at the very least, and often thanked for something specific. 

All this stuff goes a long way with a crew. When I left I had employees I really didn’t like tell me I was their favorite boss, which was a special kind of important to me, because it means I didn’t let my personal likes and dislikes affect how well I came through for my employees. My last week there, some of the parents of the teens who worked there came in and thanked me, saying their kids talked about me at home and that they’d matured and become more confident people under my management. A month ago I dropped by to visit, and the cashier and two servers all started crying and came over and hugged me. I hated being a restaurant manager, restaurants are the worst. But I loved being a manager of people. I was much better at it than I was afraid I would be.

[purplebenjy]

2005-Part 1

“I’m not going to know how to talk to them.”

He’s pacing in front of the couch, Darling following his every turn. Benjy’s been muttering to himself on and off in Gujarti for the past ten minutes or so, meaning Cass could still continue to read whatever incredibly thick and dense book he was reading. It was supposedly fiction, and not assigned reading and therefore ‘for fun’ and Benjy didn’t understand how he was able to fit that in on top of grad school work, nor what the hell the story was supposed to be about even though Cass had patiently explained it at least three times.

Saying something in English, however, gains his boyfriend’s attention. Benjy hears the book thud close but he doesn’t stop moving.

“I’m not gonna go.”

“You are gonna go. You’ve been talking about this and been so excited for the past two weeks.”

Benjy stops to face Cass, taking a moment to let himself admire the view. His hair was short enough that it was curling around his forehead and over the tops of his ears-he needed a hair cut, but he was letting it go back to his natural color, which Benjy loved almost as much as he loved Cass. His newly acquired wire glasses were perched on the end of his nose and they magnified his eyes-Benjy could see the little crease when he smiled. He was wearing a white and blue striped shirt that Benjy had bought him cause he thought it made him look like a pirate with black jeans. He’d painted his nails yellow the night before, but, as usual, all Benjy can do is stare at his lip piercing.

“Benj.”

He looks into his boyfriend’s eyes and sighs.

“Don’t give me that sexy professor look, you know it works on me.”

Cass raises his eyebrows at him.

“The disappointed ‘I can’t believe you’re joking about that’ look works on me too, Cassie.”

“You’re deflecting.”

Benjy whines closes the short distance to the couch, replacing the book with himself on Cass’s lap.

“Maybe.”

“Not maybe.”

He presses his face into the front of Cass’s shoulder and sighs.

“What if they don’t like me?”

“Wanna try that again and look at me? Perhaps looking at me and not muffled?”

“No.”

“Benj.”

“Don’t Benj me.” He says, sitting up and tracing the shell of his ear.

“It worked.”

“Didn’t.”

Cass catches his hand and pulls Benjy into a kiss. He feels himself relax against Cass’s touch, letting out a sigh.

“What if they don’t like me?”

Cass smiles at him softly.

“I don’t think that’s humanly possible.”

“I’m being serious.”

Cass shifts on the beanbag, causing them both to sink in more.

“I am too. Speaking as a former teen admitted against his will in a psych ward, I would’ve liked you.”

Benjy smiles. He’d been feeling stuck the past couple of months since graduation-the agents who had shown interest in his work at his showcase hadn’t had time to meet with him yet-though he had a few voicemails insisting they’d make some time for him in the next couple of months. He’d vented about it at group, talked about how he was trying not to be so hard on himself and not let this be any sort of ‘proof’ to what Forest had said about Benjy not being able to find success on his own. Bernie, their facilitator, had pulled him aside after to tell him about the art therapy volunteer program at the same hospital that ran their program. After a background check that was shockingly clean, he was all set up to teach patients painting skills, giving them something to do while in recovery, a positive outlet. His first session was today, and he’d specifically requested teenagers, for a lot of reasons but the main one was currently wrapping his arms around Benjy’s waist.

“What if I don’t know what to say?”

“Hasn’t happened yet.”

Benjy laughs softly and brings their lips together for another kiss. He doesn’t have to leave for another hour and he’s had his stuff packed since he’d woken up that morning. He presses himself against Cass’s chest and closes his eyes, only opening them when he hears the sound of a page turning.

“Are you reading right now? While I’m moping?”

“You’re not moping out loud.”

“Hmm.”

He tries and fails to glare at Cass’s smile.

“Can I uh, ask you one more question and then I’ll leave you alone?”

Cass pushes his glasses up on his nose and Benjy reaches up for another kiss before he responds.

“That’s not true, but sure.”

He looks away from his boyfriend, his attention drawn to the faint scars he can see at the top of Cass’s forearms.

“It’s pretty stupid-”

“I guarantee it’s not.”

“Is it scary? To be there?”

Cass nods slowly, his eyes looking up and away like he always did when he was thinking.

“Like to visit? Or to be there?”

“Both, I guess.” Benjy says, shifting so he can properly trace the lines on Cass’s arms. “I feel like a coward for even asking.”

“Benj.”

He doesn’t have to say anything else, he rarely does.

“Okay, not a coward just...I don’t know. I wanna be prepared, I guess.”

Cass nods again.

“Yes, it’s scary. Not like those movies I make you watch it’s more...jarring I think would be the better word. Cause there’s sick people all around you and they’ll all kind of look like it. With the scrubs or gowns or sweats they’ve got on. And it was scary to be there, obviously but…” He taps lightly three times on the back of Benjy’s hand.

“It’s also a place that makes people better. And it’s obviously a good one if they’re doing something like this-once I realized that, at least kind of, it made it a little less scary. Some of the kids you’re gonna be with might be there, some of them might be scared--and some of them probably aren’t gonna care. That’s where I was for a lot of it, Benj. Just kind of...there, I guess, until they got me talking to Kevin and stuff…”

Cass trails off and Benjy bends forward to kiss some of the scars on his left arm.

“I’m glad you’re here, baby.”

Cass smiles at him, lifting his head slightly and cupping his face with his right hand.

“Me too. “

~

The staff had been almost too friendly and enthusiastic, chattering away about how they’ve been trying to find someone who fit to do this for a long time. Benjy made small talk easily, but couldn’t really focus, a little too worried about how it was going to go.

“And I’ll be in there, just in case anyone needs assistance-and truthfully because I’d like to pick up a thing or two, too.” Benjy smiles at that, reading the name ‘Dorcas’ on the nurse’s ID tag. She leaves him to set up, telling him he’s going to have three patients plus herself. He puts a few pieces of the weird paperboard canvas they’d told him to buy (no staples) and a bunch of non toxic paints at each of the little tables they’d set out. He smiles to himself at the rickety old easel someone (probably Dorcas) had put out for him, and decides to use it instead of his travel one. He puts his bags in the corner of the room closest to him and waits, rocking back and forth on his heels. He’d turned in his cellphone at the front desk, and he was too jittery to try to text right now anyway. He grabs one of the soft lead pencils he’d set out and starts sketching, instantly relaxing and almost calm by the time Dorcas and her patients came in. The first was a teenage girl with long, dirty, blonde hair, so thin Benjy could see her ribs through her grey sweatshirt. She shot him a shakey smile and sat down at the first table, right beside Dorcas who reached over and gave her a hand a squeeze as soon as she sat down herself. The second was a boy who was only a little taller than Benjy with very dark circles under his eyes and a weird sort of shuffle walk, he didn’t look up when he entered the room and sat at the middle table. The third was a girl who looked absolutely and totally average-a big shock of curly brown hair that went down to her shoulders-frizzy but well cared for. She had poked thumb holes through her sweatshirt sleeves and had them pulled up to her knuckles-she already looked bored and raised her eyebrows skeptically at Benjy’s set up before sliding into a seat at the back table. Four pairs of eyes were on him now, and Benjy takes a breath before grinning at them.

“Hi, uh, you probably already know why you’re here, but-I’m Benjy. I...Bernie, who i think some of you know, he’s helped me to get better, he’s helped me a lot, but um, nothing’s really helped me feel better like painting has.”

“Not even meds?”

The girl in the back has a glint in her eyes that makes Dorcas frown and turn around, but Benjy laughs.

“Fair enough. Almost nothing has made me better than painting. That work for you?”

She shrugs. Benjy continues.

“Art uh, it’s actually helped a lot of people for a long time. Which sounds like I’m making it up, but I promise I’m not. I’m not really good at talking in front of people really but…”

He shuffles some stuff around on his easel and turns it to them, showing them a print of Starry Night.

“Vincent Van Gogh was an impressionist painter--that was a period of art in the 1870s and 1880s-a fucking long time ago-I probably shouldn’t swear, huh?”

Dorcas kind of shrugs and Benjy laughs.

“Well anyway, Vincent struggled for a really long time but there’s evidence through letters and stuff that he wrote when he was around that painting made him feel better. He’s considered one of the best artists ever, and he did a lot of his work when he was in hospitals to get better. I don’t know if any of you guys care about that, but I thought it was pretty neat. So-uh, one of the styles in Vincent’s time period was to like, make a bigger picture out of little shapes. Like dots or squares. That’s what I thought we could try to today but uh, for me, the best part of painting is you can do whatever you want. So let’s just go-”

He catches himself before he says ‘go nuts’. Nice one, Benjy.

“Let’s just go-”

“Van Gogh?” The girl in the back pipes up. Benjy laughs.

“Sure. Paint whatever you want. Just kind of...let it out, you know? You can paint what you’re feeling, you can paint something you want, something you think is cool, something you hate...it’s literally always up to you, you know? You’re in control of what you make. I always liked that.”

He pulls his own table over to everyone else’s and starts setting up.

“I think we’ll just kind of sit here and make shit-if that’s okay with you guys?”

Dorcas, the boy and the blonde girl both nod and Benjy smiles. The girl in back already has a paint brush out and is getting to work.

“I’m gonna do that impressionist thing I was talking about, if anyone wants to do it with me.If you have any questions just ask.”

“I have one.”

Curly girl dips her brush into the black and makes eye contact with him.

“Shoot.”

“What fucked you up?”

“Deena!” Dorcas turns around in her chair, obviously pissed, but Benjy laughs, dipping his brush into the blue and speaking as he starts to do a background wash.

“No, no, it’s okay. Really. I was in a very emotionally and physically abusive relationship when I was nineteen. I was able to get out-which I’m very grateful for-but the person I was involved with was in a position of authority over me and it was incredibly damaging and stressful.”

Benjy starts mixing a purple and glances up at Deena. She addresses her canvas as she speaks.

“So you got beaten up by a girl?”

“Sorry about her.” The blonde girl speaks in an impossibly soft yet somehow fierce voice. “She’s attention starved.”

“You’re not supposed to bring up shit we talk about in group, Katie.”

“You’re also not supposed to make someone else share their story if they don’t want to.” Katie retorts, a flash of fire appearing in her expression. She holds up her canvas to show Benjy, she’s made a tiny sun out of yellow dots.

“Is that okay?”

He smiles.

“That’s great, Katie. But you don’t have to show me, I’m not grading you or anything-if you like it then it’s perfect.”

She nods, her lips tight as she scruntizes her work and then dips her brush back into the yellow.

“And to answer your question, Deena. No, I wasn’t beaten up by a girl-though that does happen, anyone can be abusive. But my abuser was in fact another man.”

“It was?”

The boy looks up for the first time really, his whole demeanor changing and making Benjy’s heart break in half at the wonder in his voice. Benjy nods.

“Yeah. He wasn’t great, but my new boyfriend is.”

“And your parents are cool with it?”

Benjy bites on the inside of his cheek and takes a breath, looking down at the paint so he doesn’t have the wrong reaction.

“Mine are but...Cass’s weren’t as cool. My mom’s the coolest person in the world, actually, so pretty hard to beat. But, you know, Cass and I kind of made our own family. It was hard for him for a little bit but he’s uh-I mean not to toot my own horn, but I’m pretty amazing and I think I make him happy.”

He glances over at Dorcas, who seems only to be concerned with the boy, not reacting at all to Benjy outing himself. He should’ve figured as much given that he knew Bernie from a support group for LGBTQA victims of partner violence, but still. It was nice to know he could be as much as himself as he wanted to.

“That’s good.” The boy says quietly, picking up his paintbrush for the first time. They play with the paint for another fifteen minutes or so, just making small talk which mostly consisted of Deena asking a variety of personal and art related questions.

“Okay I’m gonna come around and see if I can give you any tips. I’m hardly an expert-”

“Whoa.” The boy, who Benjy knew was named RJ, was staring at the painting on Benjy’s table. It was a portrait loosely based on Cass, per usual, but he was all different shades of purple triangles. “You didn’t tell us you were good.”

Benjy laughs.

“Good is relative.”

“I’m not impressed.”

“Thanks, Deena.”

He encourages Katie to be a little looser with her strokes, guiding her hand into a more flowing motion as she paints a sea scape. Dorcas had a canvas completely covered in red spots that she told Benjy was either a fire or a tomato fight. He showed her how to try to make shading. RJ had just painted a bunch of triangles fitting together, all impossibly small and not colored in. Benj had given him a half assed explanation of color theory and moved back to Deena. He had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. Her entire canvas was covered in penises with angel wings on them. When she glances up, a big grin on her face, Benjy tries to keep his face neutral.

“You said to paint what we wanted.”

“Interesting interpretation. Are you going for a realistic rendering or do you want it to be more cartoonish?”

He sees surprise cross her face. Benjy guessed she was waiting for him to lose his patience, to tell her she was being innapropriate, get mad at her for not taking it seriously. He smiles pleasantly at her-waiting for her response.

“Um...what do you think?”

Benjy shrugs. “Doesn’t matter what I think. It’s not my painting. I can show you how to do both.”

Deena blinks down at them.

“I say cartoony cause it’s a little-”

“Ridiculous?” Benjy says, his smile growing. Deena laughs for the first time, and Benjy almost thinks he hears embarrassment in her voice.

“Yeah.”

“I like it, it’s hilarious. And even if it’s ridiculous, if it makes you feel good to paint it, who gives a shit, right? If you make the lines a little bolder on one end and then have it taper off towards the other, you can kind of give them a little like, comic book-y effect, do you wanna try?”

He watches her try and nods.

“Good, now do that however many times you’ve uh, made one of those.”

“There’s sixty-nine of them.”

“Ah, yes, of course.”

Deena laughs again. Benjy glances up at Dorcas and finds actual surprise on her face which leads him to believe that this isn’t a side to Deena seen all of the time.

“Don’t get paint on your sleeves, or I mean do. Everything I own is covered in paint.”

“I don’t think I technically own this.”

Deena rolls up her sleeves and Benjy is glad she’s focused on her painting so she can’t see the change in his face he knows is there. The bandages up her arms are white save for almost perfect lines of rust red at three places on her wrists.

“You’re doing great, D.” Benjy says, keeping his voice even as he swallows against the emotion in his throat. Deena whips her head up at him.

“Did you just call me D?”

“Oh-yeah, sorry. I won’t if you don’t want me to. My family has a thing with nicknames-”

She smiles at him, a real smile. A sad smile. A scared smile.

“No, it’s ok. My family does too. That’s what my parents call me. I like it.”

“It suits you.” Benjy says, watching her work.

“Cause I’m a dick?”

Benjy laughs.

“Not what I was going for, but sure. Sure.”

Their hour passes quickly, and when they’re done, Dorcas promises to be right back after she takes Katie to her room. Rj nods at him, holding his painting close to his chest. Deena pulls her sweatshirt sleeves down and marches to the front of the room, presenting Benjy with the flying dicks.

“Here. Something to remember me by.”

Benjy laughs.

“Well first of all, you’re fairly unforgettable. Second of all, I’m coming back next week.”

Deena’s face lights up.

“Really?”

“Yeah I mean if y’all want me back-”

“We do.” Deena actually blushes, realizing how quickly she’d spoken. She pushes the painting at him again.

“I still want you to have it.”

“I can’t take it until you sign it, dude. A true artist always signs it.”

“Oh good call, it’s gonna be worth millions some day.”

Deena takes the pencil Benjy’s holding and scribbles something in the corner before pressing the painting and pencil back into his hands.

“See you next week.”

She smiles at him again before stomping out of the room, picking at the sleeve of her sweatshirt. Benjy looks down at the hastily scribbled “D” with a little heart next to it and smiles.

“I’m really glad you were here, Deena.”

He’s not sure if she hears him at first, until she turns around and flips him the bird. Benjy watches her dissapear down the hall and then waits for Dorcas, looking down at the flying dicks and very glad he was there too.