#i think i would need a second opinion bc honestly the logic stands up TO ME but its like. a very not normal perspective on the topic i think

[sodrippy]

you ever thinking through something out loud and suddenly realise 'oh, i have like. ISSUE-issues...'

[bandsanitizer]

Hello!🤍🐥

5, 20, 43 & 51 for the 5sos asks

hi!! thank you for the ask!! hope you are doing well 💖

5. top five songs overall?

this is a difficult question LOL based solely on my tastes and preferences etc I’ll go with (in no particular order outside of the only reason as 1st):

the only reason, story of another us, os/co, close as strangers, and high (honorable mentions to moving along, over and over, red desert, and kill my time)

20. a song that indulges your emo needs?

I’m going to say over and out? first because drums. second because alex gaskarth writing credits.

43. what color do you associate with each of the members?

THANK YOU FOR THIS QUESTION! I have so so so many feelings about 5sos and colors that I’m putting it in small text to save space. if it’s difficult to read pls let me know and I’ll make it bigger. it just got a bit… long and honestly I have more thoughts about like their ships/pairings as well

okay so easily Calum is dark green. like specifically dark green like forest green-ish in terms of like range of green between yellow and blue, as well. this is because Calum is very very much a cool color—but blue is too cool, like even teal isn’t warm enough to capture the grounding that Calum has, yet he lacks the energized aspects of the warm colors. he definitely has some yellow—he’s pretty friendly and he has his brighter moments, etc (I’d say a lot of his luke and duke interactions are this) but he’s an earthy color. he’s grounded. he’s thoughtful and introspective and while that can be self-orientated he’s very aware and observant. like he’s just… he’s the dark green that resembles the non-creepy sort of comforting surrounding of a forest/trees.

michael is red and I mean bright red like his hair. an unforgiving and unapologetic red. the kind of red that sticks to everything it touches and sticks out in a crowd. which seems odd for michael, but to me he’s always comes across as someone who doesn’t go down quietly or without a fight. someone who wants to know they done something with their life. which is pretty universal, but michael is such a driven dude and he’s 5sos’ number one spokesperson regarding pushing them towards bigger risks and greater chances (them dropping out and the killer queen recording are two examples) and that’s something I find to be bright red? that it’s a fiery sort of passion that can be burning or just a light? that michael is emotions in the sense that I’m sure he has a bit of a temper? but also is so… when he’s happy and proud? he’s so genuine about it? like in general he’s very genuine whether he tries to pretend like he’s not and that’s bright red bc there’s no hiding bright red? it sticks to everything and I do think something about michael is so specific that he leaves behind something with everyone he meets.

luke is blue, usually a sky blue, but a wide array of blues. like everyone has duality but luke does in a way that’s unsuspecting? in the way that blue jeans aren’t usually bold but a swipe of blue eyeliner is a whole statement. he’s blue in that luke moves a lot between softer and harsher sides, deeper and brighter moments. that there are distinctions between front man luke and interview luke and livestream luke and luke posting things on social media that are… subtle but stand out. that he can take up a whole arena with his presence but just from an interview? hard to tell he’s the lead singer sometimes. he’s blue in how blue is full of things. full of meanings from stormy seas to clear skies. full of capacities from making an outfit go from dressy to casual to stepping up an all black fit to a focused statement moment. he’s also just a cool color in the sense he’s introspective and logically led (which is how I associate colors) but he’s a lot more free? airy? than a grounded color like green. he’s mostly clear skies though. and it’s a warm and happy that’s not necessarily the full warmth from the sun on skin? more like that feeling of “today will be a good day” that he’s a star but night skies and bright lights or going unseen in the daytime. just a whole lot of duality in this man i’d say.

last but not least, ashton is a deep red. the kind of red that’s usually velvety or viscous. to start, he and michael are both red (in general) for the emotions I associate them with. they both carry an ability for warmth (think red and fire etc) and they both are emotion dudes. passionate af. they’re the kind of colors with something to say and won’t go unheard. that said, ashton is the “layers” deep red can have. which is like more so the way ashton has very purposeful personalities for situations (like I said with luke) but they’re very *line down the middle* sort of distinct. that he’s the dad friend and the uncle and the older brother and the snippy cousin who won’t talk to you at family reunions and also that other cousin who will start up a conversation out of no where. he’s full of opinions and thoughts and it’s deep red in the sense that he won’t always share them? but they pull or reach out and sprinkle in things he creates. idk if calum’s the open comfort of a forest then ashton is the embrace of a library or comfy couch in a dimly lit room.

51. realistically, what member do you think you’d get along with the best and the least (based on how they appear to the public)?

I can tell you that I would get along with Ashton the least. Particularly as current Ashton, while earlier 2014 Ashton might’ve been the best for this question. I just don’t think I’d vibe with him? We’d probably get angry at each other lmao

Maybe I’d get along with Michael best? He comes across as a friend you don’t need to have a lot of shared interests to maintain a friendship with and I’d say he comes across as pretty patient with people. I think we’d get along regarding these burst of wanting to talk to people and hang out but also having moments of needing space and some realm of alone that isn’t lonely.

5SOS asks!

[witchofrvnswood]

awwp rant pt. 2: the characters!

oh boy we’re finally back with part 2! 

so in part 1, i discussed plot points that i found troubling and nonsensical. this time, i’m talking about the characters and how they each pissed me off <3

note: am only doing the ones i have beef with, everyone else is cool

let’s start with sophie:

sophie

i’ll be honest, i’ve been conflicted on her character in this book for quite some time. but i think i understand my opinion on her in book 2 much better now that i’ve really thought about it. 

so this is the book where she’s probably at her most vulnerable (book 3 could be a contender too). she just lost her mind, killed many people, and is trying so hard to prove that she is good and deny everything that she had done the previous year. we also see why she behaves the way she does, with losing her mother at a young age and blaming her father for neglecting them. we understand why she goes so far to obtain love and why she ranks true love above everything else.

but her methods with dealing with this is toxic. she sees agatha as a tool for a happy ending, and it seems to come more out of desperation to belong with someone, then wanting agatha herself, as she easily dropped her for rafal and then tedros in book three. she does whatever she can to ensure agatha chooses her and only her much like tedros does in this book.

she sneaks out and follows agatha, makes agatha believe tedros tried to hurt her, comforted her and claimed she had “warned agatha” but also acted super forgiving as if agatha was the one who was in the wrong for doubting her and when the truth comes out, pins it all on agatha for trying to choose someone besides. her. now, agatha is not completely in the right in this situation, but what sophie does is so manipulative and cunning. without knowing her backstory and sympathizing with her, she would easily be soon as a cruel and toxic person.

her time as filip was very humbling for her and she realized what she did was completely wrong and she begans to sympathize with tedros and realize maybe he isn’t the villain of the story like she painted him to be. of course, this goes a bit far and she finds herself attracted to him.... which..... did not need to happen considering how toxic their relationship was in book 1.

at the end, she chose rafal out of desperation to be loved, showing she still hasn’t changed and ended up staying with him as he supposedly was the only person in the world who still loved her. (wrong very wrong he’s awful but we’ll get to that later-)

tedros

bro. broooooo. when i tell you i wanted to throw the darn book when i read his scenes in the first half of the book-

when dovey was explaining tedros’ actions after sophie and agatha left, i could not believe it, i thought she had to be joking because no way does an individual overreact to THAT point.

he literally wanted to murder sophie as revenge for taking agatha away from him?? what?? is he mentally okay? i understand seeing her as a barrier between them because, yeah, he’s always been insecure cause his dad’s best friend stole his mom away from him so that must’ve hit a nerve, but agatha willingly went with sophie. why does he need to hurt sophie over this? it’s up to agatha who she chooses, not sophie. and she chose him! she told him right to his face that she chose him and he’s still like “no we have to kill sophie first-” sir-

not to mention how generally messed up this message is? tedros claims that you can’t be in a relationship and have friends at the same time. what?? why is this in the book? why is this even a theme? of course you should be able to have friends and have a relationship, when did that suddenly become impossible?

 “I let her live last time and she took you! I can’t make the same mistake, Agatha. I can’t lose you again!” (Chapter 12). this is basically tedros trying to cut off agatha’s friendship because he knows she’s close with sophie and is worried she’ll choose her over him and he sees his only solution to this to be killing sophie. honestly, if i were agatha, i would be fucking terrified of him, like when i was reading it i was thinking “run from this relationship please-”

which sucks because i’m a huge tagatha fan but they were undeniably toxic in this book for me.

in the second half though, that’s when i started feeling bad for him because he genuinely thought he got betrayed by agatha too and ugh that killed me bc after her, he had no hope for happiness left and that’s why he turned to revenge, but the moment he freed the teachers, he got locked up, starved, beaten, and tortured which is ??

i wouldn’t wish that on anyone (except aric lawl) and god he did not deserve that i felt so horrible for him. everyone turned against him, the entire school hated him, he fully believed his true love betrayed him, and he got beaten by aric every single night. as much as i despised him before this point, he did not deserve any of that and i’m so glad filip came when he? she? did because yeah it’s tophie all over again (yikes) but he REALLY needed a friend then and i’m so happy he got one.

ONLY TO GET BETRAYED BY HIM AGAIN RIP. sorry that was not needed but ahem

i was so so happy when he realized agatha never lied and ended up going home with her, as much as i hated the ending, i was happy for him and only him, boy’s been through too much.

but overall, i’d say i dislike him as a character in this book but i also felt super bad for him?? book 2 is so complicated y’all i have so many mixed feelings about everyone in this book.

agatha

okay. so. i keep going back and forth between being fucking annoyed at her and feeling bad for her which i feel is an understandable summary of how she is in this book.

her being scared of sophie - i completely understand that. i’d be surprised if she wasn’t. this is a girl who tried to kill her, tore her down, and went batshit crazy just nine months ago and is now suddenly calm but there’s still a bad vibe to her? and she chose her over someone who finally treated her well, finally saw her as an equal, and showed her that she doesn’t have to bear so much burden just to be loved back.

but i honestly felt kind of annoyed at how she automatically, no hesitation wanted to stay with tedros forever and never look back. um. honey. let’s break this down. we’re talking about a boy she has had no contact with for nine months, wasn’t even in a solid relationship with before she left, and said boy probably has beef with her for leaving him in the first place. and she feels completely fine with sneaking into his school and telling him she wants to be with him forever the SAME day she got back.

what??? is??? this???

this is the same agatha who berated sophie for trying to get with tedros the same day she met him without even knowing him well, right? the same agatha who you’d expect to be smart and think through emotional decisions like these, right? did they replace her personality what???

i get the coven pushed her to meet him immediately but this was just so poorly planned out and so tactless i can’t help but judge her sorry hun.

after that she makes herself believe sophie is good and perfect and maybe this is just her lying to herself because she’s mad at herself for choosing tedros but reading about her talking about how sophie is so amazing and perfect and loves her more than anything compared to being ready to bolt at the sight of her was just so fake. can we talk about how fake their friendship in this book? how fake it is in general? i think wbk.

at the end she finds out sophie lied despite the obvious clues (the scim suit (WHY WOULD BEATRIX USE IT), the spirick marks on sophie’s wrist yada yada yada) and she dumps her ass for tedros and decides they’re staying together forever despite barely knowing him as a person not to mention he just tried to kill her um-

(where is the logic in this book please help me i can’t seem to find it-)

the coven

i’ll be honest: they annoyed the HELL out of me in this book. well, specifically anadil and hester. they pressured agatha to choose tedros and go to him on the first day she got back (BAD PLAN) all so they could return to normal,,, which i guess isn’t out of character for them to do anything to get what they want but it really wasn’t their business? or at least they had no right to be as pushy as they were.

not to mention how HORRIBLE they were to dot. oh my god. the way they treated her in this book was disgusting and the lowest point in their friendship. at first i passed it off as them being hurt that dot replaced them and were lashing out because they had no better way to deal with their problems, which is true but also?? let’s not forget they BULLIED dot so bad in their first year and even kicked her out and replaced her with sophie and as far as we know, they never apologized for it. can we really blame dot for wanting new and kinder friends?

but even then they persisted to isolate her from others, shut down her book club which she used to make friends, and ended up forcing herself to gain weight if she wanted to keep their friendship. y’all i don’t even think anyone realizes how toxic the coven can be at times, the books spend a lot of time solidifying their frienship to the point that it ignores how awful it was at first. and not to mention dot is used to this treatment as she’s been physically and emotionally abused by her father, so as much as she dislikes their treatment of her, she still sees them as her friends and she will do anything to keep them.

i’m glad dot has learned to stand up for herself and gave it back to hester in tlea but god was her and anadil’s treatment of her sickiening.

professor dovey

i did not like her scene in the beginning of this book. she was awful to agatha and sophie and kept tossing blame for how the woods changed on them and yelling at agatha for not choosing tedros - um, she had a split second to decide and her friend literally died and came back to life a minute ago, how was she expected to leave her?

i dunno the way she berated them really got on my nerves because they’re just 15 year olds? they didn’t ask for their story to be told or for their personal relationships to affect the entire world? yes, if it had to be pointed towards anyone, it’s them, but instead of comforting them and trying to help them find a way to fix this, she goes all pointing fingers and straight up saying it would be easier if sophie was dead (not gonna lie i had a good giggle when i read this part but if you think about, that’s actually really sickening).

i’ll be honest, i love professor dovey as a character but she just seemed so cruel in book 2 i mean i get she was super frustrated but these children are confused and distraught enough already? she’s their teacher, she’s supposed to look after them but instead she just insulted them and stressed them out.

as for lady lesso, yes she did the same, but that was pretty in character for her. yes, it was wrong of her, but idk it’s something you would expect from her and she’s known to be the type to be tough on her students, while dovey is just not like that at all. and also, dovey was WAY more mean and short-tempered in this mean, i have to say.

evelyn sader

she was... an interesting villain. super cunning super devious i really admired her except for her doing all of this toxic feminism bullshit (which was honestly already bad enough!) for rafal,  A MAN. WHAT. how does that make ANY sense?

evelyn: #kam2020 make them boys your slaves we got this in the bag girls

also evelyn: omg rafal senpai notice me uwu i did all of this for you *gestures towards girls annihilating boys*

anyways her death was um... shocking. rip. or maybe not.

aric

do- do i have to go into this one? killing yara, torturing tedros, being misogynistic, honestly pick one, i just don’t have the energy to rip him apart for the thousandth time.

[gyujeongfmd]

restructuring task 1 / changes *+10 ecp

1. assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different? these can be as small as an opinion on a song they hadn’t released previously or as big as a major change in their background. (wc / 297)

if the spectrum lies in minjung not changing at all, and taejin doing a 180. then, gyu’s right in the middle. there are a few changes — one being that now he dances, and he’s no longer a main rapper. but the dancing portion isn’t something he trained on or necessarily has a passion about, but instead something that comes instinctively to him? he’s the opposite of a 몸치 aka he is the opposite of not having any sense of rhythm. that kind of stuff comes natural to him, and even when he was underground inside his hyung’s apartment — his dancing was above average for someone who’s never had a dancing skill. however, that becomes polished once he enters gold star.

another change is that he’s at gold star now — it came about when he tried to audition for show me the money as a young child, but instead got recruited (all thanks to his looks. but turns out he’s more than a pretty face). this meant he trained under gold star and they promised him a bunch of things? he believed it because he was still naive, and under the thought that he’d find some freedom by debuting as an idol (he had no idea what idols did prior to this, or a bad general understanding).

i’d say his general change is his attitude towards his group? knight was more focused on him not liking his group at all, but with platinum he feels in a way sorry though he doesn’t outwardly show it. there’s some sense of brotherly bond but not enough to tether him, but also not far off that it brings him to completely leave. as a result, he’s in limbo about how he is — still grappling with that one day at a time.

2. what does your muse think of their company and their group? (wc / 259)

compared to bc, gyujeong likes gold star. at least, enough that he doesn’t outwardly want to start a smear campaign about bang sunyoung like he did with kim byungchul. that being said, he doesn’t really like the company either — the noonas that recruited him promised everything and for a while, when he was a trainee he did get good treatment compared to the half basements he was living in with his hyungs. however, he debuted and he realized that this was all bullshit — everything they promised was gone and done especially when the songs he releases are complete shit and they rarely let him take a hand on it. (well, that’s because of his punishment).he realizes now that there’s no freedom in debuting, and a bit too late. it’s hardened him to the point where he blames gold star for his big downfall of being this new persona he wasn’t when he was a child.

as for his group? he doesn’t hate his group nor does he love his group either. the music they release, he thinks is corny for the most part — especially the ballady nature. however, he feels somewhat sorry for dragging them down in a way? he feels the shit they get is mainly because of him, and he feels some loyalty to his group especially because they’ve picked up on where he’s fucked up in the past. he’s still not letting them be all blood brothers, hugging and saying ilysm! lylas! but he’s learn to grow with them, and just take it as is.

3. is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract? if they haven’t renewed, what are their current thoughts on the end of their eventual first contract? (wc: 303)

gyujeong renewed his contract with gold star in 2018. honestly, he knows why he did it. but he regrets it to a degree — half of it, i’d like to say is the gold star pressure. they pressured him, basically giving him the lines of ‘what are you gonna do now? you have no career outside of platinum.’ which was true considering he had 0 solo opportunities back then. he was 26 at the time, so he was aged so even if he wanted to make his debut as a rapper, it’d be hard since he was getting so much shit for selling out to be an idol to begin with. plus, public hate surrounding him at that point was a high, and gold star basically made it like they were the only option to save him — his 26 year old ass was scared on the inside, as much as he hates to admit. as a result, he signed on for another year thinking he didn’t want to retire because what skills did he have to offer? he didn’t graduate high school, he didn’t go to college. he makes music, but if gold star decided to black list him then he’d be fucked with a 0 person fan base.

another reason he chose to sign on was because of his group. this is unknown but deep down he felt sorry for the shit he caused within his group — and seeing as how his group all signed on, he felt some sense of responsibility to carry on, especially because they’re a four person team. one person lost is 25%, and that’s a lot when you have more groups in the horizon waiting to take over whatever niche platinum is in. 

so, all in all, he signed on bc he had no choice / kinda felt guilty.

4. what are your muse’s goals and motivations? (wc / 324)

gyujeong doesn’t have many goals at all — at this point, he’s given up having any goals within gold star because he feels he’s been fucked over by them one too many times. he got a solo? which was great, and oddly well received by the public — but he also thinks those were pity listens, and not worth much. doubts it transfers over if he came back (he kinda cares). but realistically, his goals might be to release another album in the future? 

right now, his attention’s on fashion though. he’d like to get more global recognition for his line, far from the asia target market. he’d want to be known with the greats (that’s just wishful thinking lmao). but it’d be nice to house a fashion week set, or go at least. he’d want to carry on his relations with chanel because he truly loves the brand and everything it stands for.

motivations? he has none. he doesn’t know what love is, has basically no friends and a cat. he’s living life day by day and seeing what becomes of it — ideally, what he’d want to really have as a goal is to find happiness. corny, i know. but the happiness he once had as a child (void of any parental figures).

i’d suppose his goal right now is to stop writing music based on what his company wants. they know the tracks he touches usually are generally better received than the public, and because his ‘ban’ aka punishment for getting into scandals is over (ala a solo debut), gold star seems to want to make him use his creativity for platinum’s tracks. however, he doesn’t want to be a pack mule and wants to start creating music for the sake of him — basically, he’s exhausted from his solo debut doesn’t know if he wants to make a comeback at all or wait another ten years or just retire completely.

5. what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future? (wc / 329)

he’s at a low — he has no real friends, minus hidden figures here and there. he has no music left on the table that gold star seems to want (they always tell him last minute and pick the songs he doesn’t want to release). he basically got told off by someone he loved to get over it — he has nothing left. he’s a dramatic little bitch, but what can i do? 

he’s dealing with how to handle these things one by one. 

career wise — he’s doing a lot in fashion? and that becomes a piece of confusion when he neglects music for fashion and gold star wants something released, and they can’t because gyu hasn’t touched logic or ableton in near months prepping for the next line of his work. he does it when inspiration hits and works at his own pace. then again, he can’t? because he has the guilt of having to carry the burdens of his past he doesn’t let show. it’s a recipe for disaster when it all brews internally and he doesn’t let it out and instead runs to different avenues for escape. 

he doesn’t know what he wants. he just wants to live life like kanye, but knows that he can’t because he’s not kanye.

he’s also dealing with the conflict of being pigeon holed into one genre. his earlier works focused more on being true to himself, and his core — into the new world, empty. etc. the more sentimental ballad-esque pop songs were when he was more carefree / optimistic about the world. however now, he’s been more hardened? and the scandals have left him more contained as to what gold star would let him do — aka, keep up the bad boy image the public seems to know him for. as a result, he’s not able to venture out or get back in touch in fear of what others may think / his underground buddies may think

6. if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why. (wc / 384)

gyu’s established career claims fall under three categories — variety, modeling / fashion, and music. musically is the easiest as he’s released his solo album after ten years, lmao. i like that he hasn’t touched music in ten years just because gold star hasn’t let him release it — they finally let him off the leash after so much despite letting him work behind the scenes. behind the scenes, they let him work on a lot of things. his overall mood / 감성  when it comes to music is just that it’s soft and sensitive — hence why his first piece is into the new world. you’d never expect it to come from someone like him, but it’s really just the soft gentleness that’s part of his core hence why it’s one of the melodies closest to him as an individual. aside from that, he works on a lot of darker equinox tracks because that’s what his vibe is lately, and it’s that house clubby r&b funk that works with him, and gold star likes that enough to keep asking him for it. he’s worked more in-house than out-house, and not really looking to branch out into any territory. he just wants to make music for him : )

modeling / fashion wise — chanel picks him, and he picks chanel. a matchmade in heaven when he sports their bags and their tweed jackets like no other. it’s enough that chanel inspires him to create his own line otakgyu which he’s heavily involved with. that’s his focus for now, creating new pieces to appeal to his own fashion sense. he wants to create more pieces that are “edgier’ but also fall more into the androgyny of fashion. 

lastly, variety. he doesn’t even know how he ended up in this — yet, each time he appears on variety, more fans fall in love. i like to think of it like song mino and how stupid he comes across on variety which basically shatters his stage image of being more ‘hardcore’. aka, the public likes how goofy and silly gyujeong gets (unplanned and completely candid) on variety. it’s why he shows up and why gold star signs him up. gyujeong, on the otherhand, finds it more of a nuisance and an invasion of privacy as that’s one side he’d not want to reveal. 

[xxconclusione-aperioxx]

Okay so I'd like to share what I commented on this video. I watched it and it sent me into a whole rant about the motives and characterization of Draco. I recommend watching before reading this:

@quinncurio is the original poster

Here's the copy paste of my comment/ Essay. I was slight heated when I wrote this, but my points still stand.

"OH BOY. HI, HELLO I VERY MUCH DISAGREE. ALSO: DISCLAIMER: DONT TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY, YOU WILL FIND I HAVE A VERY LOGICAL EXPLANATION, FOR WHY THIS ANALYSIS DOESN'T WORK.

Calling a Draco a cowardly bigoted bully, and a carbon copy of Dudley is the most SHALLOW and LOW EFFORT CONCLUSION YOU COULD POSSIBLY DRAW. IT IS LOW HANGING FRUIT. I'm going to have to break this into sections to truly explain why your conclusion is soooo incredibly shallow. You may have done your research, but I feel like you learned nothing more about Draco then if you'd never seen more then 5 min. So I'm going to start the same way you have and break this down into the same points.

PART 1 : AN ANALYSIS OF HARRY MEETING DRACO

I'm not going to go into detail of Harry's impression or ideas of Draco, because this analysis is about Draco, Not Harry. Also remember the books were written from Harry's POV, not a neutral party. I'm not obliged to Harry's opinions, just facts. Which brings up the first true conclusion about Draco's character. *Draco Malfoy feels a strong need to impress others, to gain their affection.* He does this through incisive bragging, trying to make people believe he knows best, and tearing down the reputation of others, so the object of his desires sees Draco and the most obvious choice. Where we differ is:

You believe Draco does this, because he thinks, he's better then others.

I believe,(which circumstantially has more evidence), Draco does this because he wants the affection, and acceptance of others

Whether you believe he acts out this way bc of how he is raised, his privilege, or something else, it doesn't change the fact that Draco was truly trying to make a friend, perhaps the only way he knew how.

In noble wizarding society, traditions, and your family does mean a lot. Not even looking at it from a pureblood view, imagine having a family that old and known. They really are a type of nobility, with family Lords even having political seats in the Wizengamote just because of their family name. The Longbottoms and Weaselys hold this same political influence, and it's not tied to Slytherins, pureblood ideals or anything like that. Draco is an only child, and an heir to his family line, so he is going to be treated importantly bc of that. He is raised with that responsibility, and in social situations not only represents himself, but the whole heritage of his family. Draco hasn't had the ability to act like a normal petulant child (part of the reason he tends to act out at Hogwarts.*ie. away from home*). He's been taught to act proper, make good allies, and impress others for the good of his reputation. I'd say most noble wizarding children probably get the same training and lectures, and have their own customs and culture of educate. What may come for Draco as polite, and diplomatic, may sound rude or arrogant to Harry. This is because Draco was not aware how different Harry's upbringing was from his own, and has never dealt with not having enough. Perhaps if Draco knew how different and ignorant Harry was he would have felt pity, or a sense of wrongness at Harry's injustice. Though Draco is just an 11yr old boy, who's only ever had a loving family, and almost anything he wanted. It is difficult for him to relate to the lack of others. As all wizarding children, he probably grew up with the story of the boy who lived and may have even been excited when his father said he wanted them to become friends. He truely was excited to meet Harry and genuinely wanted to be friends. While yes Lucius definitely wanted Draco to befriend Harry to help lighten their family reputation, I also think that Draco, being a child, would more likely be more excited of making a famous friend. Maybe he even had some hope seeing he'd met Harry before when he saw him on the train.

Part 2 : THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN DRACO AND DUDLEY

Draco's sense of superiority comes from his traditions and pride in his family, while Dudley's is strictly from his own greed and selfishness. Draco would't do half of the things Dudley does simply because it's incredibly unclothe, and he has better ways of getting what he wants. Dudley isn't smart enough to compare to Draco. Though Draco and Dudley might both have things handed to them, Draco is not gluttonous or greedy about it. Dudley will trash his gifts and belongings, constantly wanting more, and viewing things given to him as disposable. Draco wants things yes (like every child does) but he's proud of his possessions and cherishes them, brags about them. Dudley is an animal compared to Draco. He doesn't have the same skill, smarts or self control. Dudley is abusive, and a tyrant in his bullying. Dudley wants to see Harry hurt and bleed. He is very violent compared to Draco. While we constantly and repeatedly see Draco shy away from violence, and use more his words.

Part 3 : DRACO'S "HARASSMENT", STRATEGIES AND EVOLUTION.

Draco despite his threats and facade is Not a violent person. This is because despite all Draco's bravo, and cruel words, Draco is kind. Yes he is conflicted, but that is only more proof of his inner kindness. If he didn't feel guilty, he wouldn't feel conflicted. Which means he really doesn't want to be mean to others, but he's just acting out based on how he thinks he's supposed to feel/act, but doesn't really enjoy it. I think when you strip Draco back behind his actions, and pose, you'll find a very different person. The half-blood prince gave us some of that, but it's another thing to see it in Draco from the beginning. Essentially Draco's attempt at bullying started when Harry rejected his friendship. Draco had probably never been rejected before, and probably couldn't possibly fathom why Harry would choose anyone else over him. While yes that's a bit coincided, Draco was also incredibly sheltered and probably wasn't introduced to children who weren't already tied to his family. Harry's rejection irrevocably shattered Draco's confidence and perception, which sent him into literal years of lashing out at Harry for his hurt emotions, and pining for his attention. It is the most pathetic excuse for bullying, and Draco antagonizing Harry is the equivalent of pulling a girl's pigtails. Draco did get quite shrewd with words, but he was really just trying to get the biggest reaction, especially since Harry is so volatile at times. The truth of the matter is Draco is actually very jealous, because deep down he really admires Harry. He want's the same freedom Harry has. He doesn't want to worry about his duty or who he has to be, but to be able to live authentically the way he views that Harry does. Draco really just wants to be more like Harry, but feels he is stuck, by the Dark Lord, his family obligations or anything else. Draco isn't a bully, he's just sad. Not even Ron or Hermione take him seriously after a while. *cough*this is why Drarry is so huge*

Part 4 : He had no choice?????

Everyone has a choice, but I think you over estimate how easy a choice can be. Family is important to Draco, they are probably the only people who love him for who he is, not what they can get out of him. As a child Draco felt pride in his family, and family made him feel special and important. As he got older that pride turn into expectations, and responsibility. Lucius and Narcissa value the preservation of their family above all else. They are protective and loving and those feeling extended to Draco. It's where he gets his kindness. It is indeed a Slytherin trait to value those you care about above everyone else. We protect our own, a loyalty probably stronger then Hufflepuff for those select few a Slytherin deeply cares about. Draco's parent would let the whole world burn to save him, and Draco would do the same for them. While Draco's family did hold pureblood ideals, after the first war Voldemort was not someone they willing wanted to follow. The light sided also would have never offered aid to death eaters, because fundamentally they were still against the dark, and there was no other place for dark wizards to go except Voldemort. Most of the death eaters had actually been somewhat relived at the news of Voldemort's death, and the boy who lived, as Voldemort had already become insane to the point of torturing his own followers, and wasn't getting them anywhere near their goals. Except for the also insane brainwashed few like Bella who'd follow her lord to the grave, many of the death eater's were content to be peaceful and stay quite after the war. Probably even grateful for it, as there were many needless casualties on both sides. I feel like the Malfoys were one of those families that were happy to get out. If the side they are on is harmful or losing, they are ready to abandon ship. This may sound like they are cowardly with no resolve, but if it was the life and death of your family, and your loved ones, I think you might think differently. I feel like we aren't too far off in agreement here, but where we differ is in judgement and motives we feel the Malfoys, or Draco had. Lucius made a mistake in the first war, and spent the second trying to keep his family out of danger. I can't imagine the fear he had in Azkaban for his family, the dementors feeding off him and what he thought the Dark Lord would do to his only son, his wife, his family. Meanwhile Draco was left with the threat of his father rotting in Azkaban, and his mother being killed. His mother also with the thought of her son being killed. So yes Draco could have made a choice, and he did make a choice, a choice to protect his family, and honestly I can't see that as wrong. Maybe if Harry would have actually taken his offer of friendship things could have gone differently and it wouldn't have come to that.

Part 5 : Abuse Theory

I definitely agree with you here. The Malfoys were not abusive, and get a better anthology for racism then something which in fact could be solved with a study on culture rather then blood. If you want a good parallel for racism in HP forget muggleborns, and look at creature blood, not dumb house elfs either, but werewolves, goblins, centaurs beings just as intelligent as wizards. The bigotry towards werewolves especially is horrific, especially from the "light side" who avidly labels them as dangerous dark creatures. *Also note about the scene in Borgen and Berks* Lucius stopped Draco from touching the artifact because it was probably cursed, as many dark artifacts are. Even if you know what you're doing they can be dangerous to handle carelessly. So Lucius was actually very wise and protecting Draco, his 12 yr old son, from getting badly hurt. Why the cane? If touching a cursed object curses you, then its better not to get close with your actual hands. Using his cane to push Draco away was actually a precaution. Lucius is anything but careless,

Part 6: Draco's Wand and Symbolism

I generally agree here too, but I believe this symbolism is more reflective of the things Draco wishes he could have had, or done differently. If anything the wand and symbolism Draco has is representative of the good in him, and not cowardice, or inability to do enough.

Part 7: Redemption

Tbh I'm part of the crowd that would have liked that deleted scene to stay in the final cut. However I understand what's justifiable for one person, may not be enough for someone else. This is where you get more into the topic of morality, and how much are you morally responsible for as a person. Harry has been drilled with the mindset for years that he has to save everyone, and that if your not in it for the greater good, ready to lay down your life you better forget being in it at all. Personally I don't believe Harry has any right to claim that rhetoric, as Dumbledore(and by association Grindlewald) practically spoon fed it down his throat; but I wont talk about that as it's a whole other issue. Draco, you have to understand has a whole type of different morality. Objectively I believe he's a good person, if not pressured by the echo chamber of ideals around him. Yet Draco repeatedly gives signs, and expresses the desire to want to do good. In order to properly analyze Draco you have to look past his outward facade, and actions, or you'll never see him as anything more then he pretends to be. If you can only read plain text, if you can't see past the obvious, you will always have a very flat one dimensional view of a character or a person. To me there's no redemption needed. Draco is already good, more good then his parents, and perhaps more good then some who claim goodness.

In summary Draco is a very complex person, who tries to over compensate for his flaws, struggles to express honesty, but deeply cares for others, especially his family. His duality lies in how he wants to be good to others, yet how in the end he always chooses to save the ones he loves, over the majority. Draco will always have his flaws, but he will always have his goodness too, and I hope you won't disregard that.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

P.S

Kudos to anyone who read through all that.

[trashexplorer]

BLCD Review: Kanawanu Koi no Musubikata

Title: Kanawanu Koi no Musubikata ( 叶わぬ恋の結び方)

Author/Artist: Yoshio Akira

Release Date: 2019/11/29

Cast: Shingaki Tarusuke x Eguchi Takuya

Synopsis:

Kamisawa Kaoru can see - and cut - not just the red thread of fate, but any of the many threads which bind people to each other in varying forms. He uses this ability to run a business where he gets rid of pesky relationships for others. Ironically, Kamisawa himself has no red thread, and therefore is forever fated to watch his lovers find their destined one and leave him behind. He thought he had long since come to terms with this harsh reality, until the day when a man named Hara comes to him for help getting rid of a stalker...

Review Proper

I’ve been avoiding listening to this for the longest time because this fucking series is a personal attack on me. 😂 Bitch is Kamisawa Kaoru incarnate. I do know that I’ve made the most logical decisions, but this series never fails to make me second doubt that. YOSHIO AKIRA, WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST ME, HUH?!

Anyway, my personal bs aside, there’s actually another reason why I couldn’t listen to this immediately: the casting. 

I’ve actually had a feeling that it would turn out to be disappointing, but I didn’t expect it to be that bad. Thank goodness I didn’t place this last. Let’s just hope that the voice work for Yoidore and Koi ni Ochitara saves us bc I’m actually a little nervous for them. Don’t get me wrong, the pacing was great, and as was the bgms, but whoo I’m actually offended by the voice work and chemistry.

There, I said it.

God, where do I even start? 

I know he’s a decent voice actor, and he’s definitely a cut above his batch mates bc I actually can distinguish him from them, but when I saw his name up on the cast list in Akai Ito, I honestly knew that he wasn’t going to be able to be Kaoru. Eguchi Takuya’s voice is too deep for Kaoru. I know how he sounds as an uke because of Blue Sky Complex, but Kaoru isn’t Terashima. Idk what Brilliant Prin was thinking by giving him a pass to use that voice. He was also trying to replicate something like Kondo Takashi’s Onodera Ritsu but couldn't commit to it. In my opinion, Kaoru should have been voiced by someone like Suzuki Tatsuhisa, Satou Takuya, or even Nakazawa Masatomo. Actually, Nakawazawa Masatomo is my best bet for this because his performance in Escape Journey could be the perfect Kaoru with just a little adjustment to it.

However, my issue with Eguchi Takuya doesn’t end there. If he was only able to make this role his even though his voice didn’t match the role, then I wouldn't have minded the deeper voice and the BLCD would’ve been great if it was just a stand-alone and not an adaptation, but wow; his acting was really disappointing. He certainly didn’t feel like he was reading off a script, but his acting was so bland and inconsistent regardless. He also wasn’t doing a good job synchronizing with Shingaki Tarusuke—scratch that, he wasn’t even able to do a good job with ANYONE. Not the twins, not Akira-san in Akai Ito, and not even his own brother Kakeru (who he did not voice which is odd because they’re twins). Was he recording separately from them???

I’ve only ever listened to his performance twice, but this is his worst. It’s been how many months since the release of this? 3? He should take some workshops or something because he really needs to improve before daring to do more work. Even Furukawa Makoto could do a better job than that, sheesh. FURUKAWA MAKOTO HAS FOUND HIMSELF IN ANOTHER REVIEW

Moving on,

Oh, I didn’t want to say this. I don’t even want to think about this—more like, I want to forget about the whole BLCD because of this. Man, this is the worst I’ve ever heard of Shingaki Tarusuke. He was the right choice for this role, too! 😩 What a waste of talent! The pitch he was using for this was wrong. It was too deep to be Hara-san and idk what Brilliant Prin was going after because they made him a clutz. I mean, Hara-san was a little clumsy, but he wasn’t tripping over nothing clumsy. They made him trip during their first meeting in the BLCD which wasn’t in the manga, but then they just scratched that and Hara-san was this cool ass almost sadistic man that I didn’t know! That isn’t the “get-you-a-man” I fell in love with! He was supposed to be an older and a little more matured version of Akai Ito’s Hiro, and that certainly isn’t what happened. I can assure you that if you listen to this BLCD without reading the manga alone you would think that Hara-san in the manga and Hara-san in the BLCD were two different people. 

Also, the tone Shingaki Tarusuke was using was so deep and slow that you can hear him growl because of the strain it does to his throat. It was even deeper than Utou’s in Kurui Naku! Yo, Hara-san got Kaoru to fall because of his sweetness and the sense of security he gave him, but Hara-san here was honestly scary. Why didn’t y’all just make him use his regular tone because that is Hara-san to a T! Literally any of his other tones could have done a perfect job! Also, if they could have just casted Satou Takuya or Nakazawa Masatomo for Kaoru, then best believe Shingaki Tarusuke could make this the best adaptation of 2019 with them because Satou Takuya had Wonder Border and Nemuri Otoko to Koi Otoko with him, while he also did Ano Ko wa Sore wo Gaman Dekinai with Nakazawa Masatomo, and their pairings there almost had the exact same dynamics with Hara-san and Kaoru. Heck, he did a better job with Furukawa Makoto in Boku no Omawari-san than this. This wouldn’t have happened if y’all just casted Katou Masayuki for this role jk. I do have a gut feeling that his performance in Therapy Game as Kazuma will be what I was looking for, and maybe they didn’t want that and his Hara-san to sound the same, so it turned out like this, but why’d they pick a bad performance over a similar performance if that’s the case??? BOY SAITOU SOUMA DID A BETTER JOB AS A SEME THAN YOU IN AKAI ITO WHAT THE FUCK!

Kakeru’s cast was also a bit sketch, and I don’t even know who that was. Also, where was the need to get another person to do it when that was supposed to be Eguchi Takuya’s job in the first place? Or did they actually have no faith that Eguchi would be able to do pull a Nakajima Yoshiki here? For context, Nakajima Yoshiki voiced the Momose brothers in Tada no Classmate 2 and “I loved how he voiced Tatsumi so differently, but not too differently from Koutarou adding to the brother vibes”. And ooh, Nakajima Yoshiki is Akira-san in Akai Ito—double burn! 🔥🔥 It was too deep for him. Like, literally the only good casting choice for this BLCD was probably the twins. I really hate how much of a far cry this was to Akai Ito when the manga was the opposite. 😩

Overall, this was a bad adaptation. Like, it’s not even better as a stand alone, and it’s definitely not a “could do better”. It’s certainly not as bad as Konomi ja Nakato’s, but it’s a close second. There are also a lot of ad-libs and rearrangements in the dialogues, so I honestly can’t recommend this to beginners. The extra shteamy scenes were good, though, but length does not equal to quality. That’s what she said. To sum, we had great pacing, a lot of addends for the dialogue, and devastatingly disappointing voice casting and chemistry. I do not look forward to the adaptation of Tsunaida Koi—more like, I hope they don’t ever make it bc it ain’t worth it. Yo, you gotta understand. I was actually pretty biased about this from the start (best believe I already planned out how I was going to structure such a positive review for this and was so sure that this will be in the running for one of 2019's best adaptations) because I did work my ass off on Tsunaida so that just made me more hyped and made my expectations for this super high, but then they had the audacity?! 😂 My copy is actually a gift from my beautiful fairy godmother, and I did plan on buying my own when I went to Tokyo back in January, but seeing how this turned out, thank goodness I didn't spend the coin. I’m so sorry, Yoshio Akira! 😭😭😭 This is still the best Christmas present I ever received, though! 😘 

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Cardcaptor Sakura S1

For faithfulness reasons, I’ll forgo rewatching in English even though I’m Jared 19 and never learned how to read 

I will say the original English dub had a BANGER of a theme song and I do miss that

"I’m a Fourth Grader at Tomoeda Elementary” I know I watched this like when I was age 7 or smth but SHE’S LIKE 10?? OH MY GOD who is letting this ten-year-old roam the streets

“I’m gonna stomp on him” [Lucille Bluth voice] good for her

I fully forgot Sakura had a dad I was ready to accept her Grade 11 brother raising her

Sakura’s roller blades give me visceral memories of my barbie skates

Lmao is Yuki’s ability to throw a piece of candy at a child from a moving bicycle backwards foreshadowing his superhero abilities

Okay having checked this scene in both English versions and Japanese, my opinion no one asked for: the Aminax version is bad voices on all counts, Japanese has a better voice for Toya and original English dub has a better voice for Sakura and Yukito (who they called Julian lmao) I am not accepting constructive criticism 

Tomoyo and Sakura sound so similar I could not even tell that Tomoyo was speaking omg

“There isn’t anything cuter or more interesting than you Sakura-chan” Tomoyo is really honest with her feelings I guess ten-year-olds be like that sometimes

“Is someone there” home invasions are what happens when you don’t lock your front door

This is not a study lmao this is a personal library there is hardly a workspace just aisles of shelves

Oh shit The Clow WIND RAIN SHADOW WOOD SWORD POWER THUNDER SLEEP CARD CAPTORS OF THE CLOW EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED NOW

Wait if this is hanging out in her dad’s study was her dad the last Cardcaptor lmao

Or probs her mom, since she’s gone the way of all anime moms

Sakura is accepting this whole “tiny magical flying lion” thing p well

“I accidentally fell asleep” “For how long” “30 years” same

“Stand right over there” Kerberos does not ask permission before magical girl transforming you lmao

“Why are you acting so wimpy” bc she’s 10 and you’re asking her to fight a giant ghost bird???

Honestly I love a good quest-to-collect-important-items maybe Inuyasha and DBZ ruined my taste but it’s a great formula 

“You’ll be a better adult if you have all sorts of experiences in your life” r u going to take career counselling advice from a tiny flying lion Sakura

I do kind of miss Kero’s slightly unhinged young man energy

I like that whenever Sakura’s brother is rude she steps on his foot or kicks him fkjhjgkh excellent little sister depiction

I was expecting more secrecy but it is very funny to see Tomoyo try to convince her friend to be a superhero

“Do a flashy one” kfhkjdhkj Kero supports the use of magic powers for showing off

“Trademark poses and skills are the basic parts of being a magical girl” oh my gooood

I mean if I walked into my school and there was a mountain of haphazard desks waiting there I too would be threatened 

Sakura is the only one in this group who has a reasonable understanding of what ten-year-olds should be allowed to do

LMAO @ Tomoyo’s team of bodyguards dropping her off to break into the school ONLY TO DRIVE AWAY

Tomoyo and Kero’s friendship is killing me the SHENANIGANS

I’m not sure I accept this light logic bc you need light to cast a shadow

Sakura’s “heart-racing first date” ur TEN oh my god

I mean it’s nice that Sakura wants to save the penguin but why did it take that for her to get upset it was going to drown a whole adult woman

Did Toya just RIP APART a WHIRLPOOL with his BARE HANDS

I wonder how Toya feels that his little sister has a crush on his boyfriend lmao

This cell phone is really top of the line for 1999 lmao I love it 

U know if I were a high school student and my friend asked my 10 year old sibling out to lunch instead of me I’d be confused

"They’re not even gonna hold hands? Kids these days” This is a VERY weird vibe for an episode

You know I guess if you never watch the second episode you never have context for all of these superhero outfits LMAO

None of these locations have security cameras I guess the 1990s was a lawless time

Will all of Yuki’s magical advice be delivered in the form of mysterious field trips

LMAO @ YUKITO ALWAYS TAKING SAKURA TO TOYA’S TEMP JOBS

Say what you will about the ominous influence of the other card, I think Wood is being fairly polite since it’s contorting around her house instead of destroying it lmao

“I was planning to film ‘Sakura Dances in the Jungle’ in the park today” I love Tomoyo 

Every little girl in this show sounds so similar lmao this is not good for my distracted watching style 

Wow Ms Maki is really unloading on these two fourth grade girls 

Since Tomoyo clearly interacts with even the more spirit-like Clow Cards I really have to wonder why no one else in this town is seeing these giant ghost monsters loom around the city

Well I guess this episode is a direct response to my previous comment 

“I can’t stand scary stories” says the girl who spends her nights going into isolated areas and fighting magical ghosts

Seeing Sakura activate her Fly card really gives me overwhelming nostalgia for the days I wanted nothing more than to be a Cardcaptor I used to wave around a toy broom like that magic key ahhhhhhhh

In the absence of the first English voice and with the added gentle Japanese intonation for his speaking, I am constantly forgetting that Yukito’s character is a 16-year-old boy 

Toya is really casually bomb-dropping the fact that he used to see ghosts and Yuki’s just like ‘dope are there ghosts around now’

Omg Kero’s sad face as he dropped the flower in Sakura’s lap 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“I want to see if she wants to tell me something” like maybe ‘don’t run around town at night chasing ghosts ur 10!!!’ 

UHHHH AGAIN TOYA REAL CASUAL ABOUT THE GHOST THING 

Yukito Tsukishiro: Chronic Aid-er and Abet-er of Pre-teen Mischief 

Also if I’m right his name means something like “Ice White Moon?” Very heavy-handed foreshadowing lmao

“After we left, I went to the museum again and borrowed one” TOMOYO U CASED THE JOINT KJDHFKJHF

WHY IS EVERY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL KID IN THIS TOWN ABLE TO BREAK INTO THIS MUSEUM SO EASILY

Tomoyo is eerily well-prepared for this mission it’s like she has been planning to burgle a museum all her life

They really made an executive choice to have both a Yuuki and a Yuki that was a decision that someone made

Oh hey it’s the other pre-teen supehero!!! That guy!!

The more I think about it, the stranger the height difference between Sakura and her brother becomes bc compared to him she’s really like 2.5 feet tall they did not pick a proportion scale

U see this what I mean by gentle intonation, Syaoran somehow sounds older than Yuki simple by roughness of voice

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH TOYA U DEFEND UR SISTER

“Here, a steamed pork bun” Yuki sure nows how to de-escalate lmao 

“That is made out of an insulator as well” Tomoyo is really prepared for any and every situation

It’s not fair of Li to compare what is probably years of magical training from his family to ‘trial by fire for eight weeks with a plush toy who doesn’t explain anything important until critical moments’

I’m really not sure what’s happening with Rika and the teacher but I DON’T LIKE IT

“I just want to be with you as long as possible” [cut to floral pattern] Tomoyo is aiming to supersede Yuki as Gentle Shojo Protagonist Sakura Fixates On looool

I’m sure there’s NOTHING significant about this familiar-looking sword brooch

Kero biting Li whenever whenever he says something rude to Sakura kghkjghk direct feminist action

What IS THIS business with Li running away flustered like that are pre-teen Cardcaptors ONLY allowed to have a crush on Yukito

“I guess I’ll have to beat him up once” Toya has zero qualms about fighting a ten-year-old

Two fourth graders giving Yukito chocolate while he peacefully hangs out with his boyfriend is the funniest version of executing this weirdness that could happen

What I’m really wondering is how the hell they cut out or explained away Li’s crush in the first English anime

“You were just a fledgling teacher and you married one of your [high school] students!!” u did WHAT what the FUCK MR. KINOMOTO I’m on Sonomi’s side

“Mother got married when she was 16″ MR. KINOMOTO CANCELLED! BANNED! THE HELL IS THIS!

“It was I who was granted time with Nadeshiko from her 16th to 27th birthdays” GO 2 JAIL DO NOT PASS GO 

This episode has added a lot of layers to this show none of which I like

“What kind of person was my dad” someone who should be banned from teaching

“Your father is a disgusting person” WELL

SONOMI I KNOW UR TRYING TO BE NICE BUT HE HAS AT LEAST ONE MAJOR FLAW

Lmao they’re not even giving context why Yuki is around anymore he’s just an accepted artifact of the Kinomoto household

How is that the Time card is Li’s but not Thunder since he also returned that one to its original form

“Their fastest confirmed speed is over 100km/h” Yamazaki leave Li alone he just wants to adore the sloths jhfkhgjhgkhg

Ahhhhhh Li helping Sakura get the Power card?? These motives are quite hard to read but it seems sweet

OMGGG @ TOMOYO MAKING SAKURA DEADLIFT A PLAYGROUND

“I heard a rumour that everyone who asked Kinomoto out has been denied.” Well. [x]

“It’s one of the seven strangest things at this school, that both Kinomoto and Tsukishiro don’t have girlfriends.” WELL. [x]

AWWWWW YUKI DOESN’T LEAVE THE OTHER PRE-TEEN FAN CLUB MEMBERS OUT OF HIS KIND GESTURES

[Hannibal Buress voice] I was so caught up in euphoria of festival arcs, that for like a minute I lived in a world where the rest of this anime didn’t exist 

TOYA BEING THE STAR OF DRAG CINDERELLA... OP UR MIND

I have no idea what the premise of the next Clow Card is but I really hope it’s “turn u into whatever ur acting as” bc I will LOSE my mind

I have not heard Yuki once intone as passionately as he did when he thought Toya was going to fall 

“You like someone else” 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

“I didn’t promise anyone else a dance” Can I just say I LOVE TOYA?

The moment of stillness before Yukito revealed who he was asking to dance lmao... the repressed teenage wlw inside me LIVES

Yuki and Toya tag-teaming as the Sakura Support Team my heart!!

Geolocating someone from a fax... the incredible 90sness of this act....

I seriously don’t understand this world in which you leave 5- and 10-year-olds unattended for hours where are your child welfare laws

I am really choosing to ignore how absolutely bananas the concept of Tomoyo having a hidden Sakura Movie Theatre is

Speaking of weird, are we just trusting that this old man is normal? Is everyone doing that? I’m still not ready to trust yet the Sakura’s dad situation really burned me

“Girls look their best when they smile” a sweet thought that would not fly if an old man I just met told me that lmao

I’m REALLY not trusting this old man dressing up this girl in his dead (missing?) granddaughter’s clothes and staring broodily when she mentions there is a parent with her

“My great-granddaughter seemed happy” YOUR WHAT NOW 

Their school trips seem much more fun than ours were we never went to the beach or fishing or got disappeared briefly in a cave

It continues to be funny how Sakura and Li have 0% tension re: Clow Cards, 99% tension re: Yukito who is already in a committed Something or the Other with Sakura’s brother

“Why were you on the roof” “Because it’s nice out today” LOL YUKITO

There’s no rhyme or reason to these card types huh some are like “I will destroy an entire zoo for fun” and other ones are like “mood lighting :)”

Sakura really isn’t out here to teach us any lessons lol it’s really a ‘get others to do your homework if you can get away with it’ episode

Rounding out the triad of superpowered pre-teens with Meilin I suppose

“Syaoran is my fiance” I have had it up to HERE with this anime cousinfuckery I don’t CARE if it’s cool in Japan or Hong Kong or whatever STOP BEING WEIRD WITH YOUR COUSINS

Poor Syaoran he was doing so well with getting along with Sakura until Meilin got here

"It was done by a girl again?” Oh my god is Meilin beating up grown men in parks for street cred

“It seems our relationship chart has gotten rather complicated” Tomoyo probably means astrology chart but here’s my understanding so far:

Speaking of complex relationships I wonder how Meilin will react to Syaoran’s crush on Yuki

This rivalry between Sakura and Meilin could not be more one-sided

I really was wondering for a second if the card was going to split in half

I love the vibe of Sakura and Toya teaming up to help their creepy dad but even MORE SO I love that Yukito is In This Household

“The contents are already up here” This episode really doesn’t hit the same way now that cloud storage exists and also what were all those floppy disks for if not to save your work Mr. Kinomoto

I love that Tomoyo always pulls her weight in her superhero sidekick role like she is here to support and help whenever needed 

Sakura using her powers to impress her crush with a ghost duet lmao these priorities 

“Sakura’s Little Adventure” I see what u did there

Kero’s little shoulder pat with his paw to let Sakura know he’s there aw

Omg this Clow Card is so cute “Is it your fault I’m so small now?” [nods pleasantly]

It is very bold of Sakura to be doing magic so casually when her brother and Yuki are right downstairs 

I like that this show recognizes the inherent intimacy of allowing someone to cut your hair

“Information about you has gotten around to the cards” well this is an ominous start to this funky tarot reading

Well the experience of seeing his little sister try to murder him has got to be traumatizing for Toya I hope he doesn’t remember this

UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM DID TOYA JUST FALL OFF OF A CLIFF

“Can you give me a break... and stop looking like Sakura” EXCUSE ME

“My mom’s up there too, so say hi to her for me” OH MY GOOOOD TOYA REALLY DOES SEE GHOSTS AHHHHHHHHHHH

WAIT SO IT WAS A CLOW CARD DOES TOYA HAVE MAGICAL POWERS TOO

Omg @ Toya feeding Yuki from his bed this really is an intimate episode

I kind of appreciate the slow build of this show like it took them 25 episodes to introduce meaningful stakes

“But it might be tougher than the earth going ‘boom!’ Depending on who you are...” Well hello threatening figure in sunglasses standing outside Sakura’s house what’s up

“I’ll look the other way” Ms Mizuki is literally this meme:

I can only assume that if Toya knows Ms. Mizuki then she must be a ghost

Personally if Mizuki gives Syaoran the heebie jeebies I trust his instincts

“Um... do you like Yukito too?” Oh my goooood they’re sincerely discussing being Not Straight in middle school in this 90s anime that I watched when I was 7 I cannot believe

“And it’s been a year since you told me you loved me here” WHY DOES EVERYONE IN THIS FAMILY WANT TO DATE SOMEONE TOO OLD FOR THEM WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING DATING SOMEONE TOYA’S AGE MIZUKI

Also I have to rethink every thought I had about Toya being gay. I mean bi is great too but my thoughts..... racing...........

“Because the next time I see you, you’ll have someone else that you’ll be in love with” Yukito BF confirmed but oh my GOD this relationship chart IS complicated good lord

If there’s anything the episode “Sakura and Her Shrine of Memories” has taught me it’s that everyone in this show is bisexual and all teachers in their neighbourhood should be in jail

I understand that Meilin is a kid but poor Syaoran he is constantly being harassed 

I love Yuki’s bottomless stomach lmao

Syaoran and Sakura have such a genuinely supportive relationship but it is very funny how they try simultaneously to get Yuki’s attention with the exact same words

“I’ve been thinking for a while that Mr. Terada is a lot like my dad” oh thank you Rika for someone finally being normal in this show

“Well it’s a harmless one” You see this is what I mean the dichotomy of Clow Cards is like... “I’m going trap you in a maze until you perish” or “I’m gonna give you a sugar rush :]”

I like that Sakura and Syaoran are starting to partner up as a duo on purpose like yessss I love a 1-2 finish and friendship development

Ahhh poor Syaoran he’s realizing that Yukito’s #1 in his life is the Kinomoto fam

We’re all familiar with the eternal struggle of whether using ur superpowers for school sports is cheating 

AWWW SYAORAN USING HIS POWERS FOR MAGICAL PEP TALKS AFTER HE HELPED TURN REI’S PET FOX INTO A POKEMON CARD THAT’S MY BOOOOY

“I will stomp on him” it’s been 31 episodes let Sakura stomp on her brother

Oh my GOOOD does this Big card mean that Sakura WILL FINALLY STOMP ON TOYA LMAO

Ur telling me that no one else in this ENTIRE TOWN notices this altercation of a giant preteen vs a dragon

Why does the logic for how voices travel based on size apply for the Little card (when Toya was speaking) and not for the Big card (when Sakura is speaking)

Sgskdhgkhkgjh honestly body switching as a trope will never not be funny

Syaoran blushing and running away from Sakura oh how the turn tables

Every domestic scene that Yuki and Toya have adds ten years to my life we love some gay/bi teens about to be gay/bi adults

Ffskhhfkj I absolutely cannot relate to this Southern Hemisphere nonsense of finding ten degrees celsius arctic cold like BRO that is a normal spring day here

“We’re not frozen because we have magical powers” I know that cutaway was to confirm Mizuki’s magical powers again but this would’ve been a hilarious time to reveal that like Yamazaki the Compulsively Lying Classmate had powers

Awwww he likes her now that’s cute 

“I got work that day” I will bet someone ten dollars that Toya is working at that quiz rally

Update from 5 minutes later: PAYPAL ME $10

Kero keeps whispering to the moon when in fact some iteration of the moon is right around the corner (literally)

GOOOOOOOOD SYAORAN REALIZING HE HAS A CRUSH ON BOTH HALVES OF THAT TEAM KILLS ME SWEET BOY

Shared Gaze of People Who Have Dated* Toya and Have Magical Powers They Haven’t Revealed Yet

*Go to jail Mizuki

I am really going crazy wondering when they’re gonna reveal stuff about Yukito like bitchhhhhhh I know you’re a moon man when will u tellll usss

How many more times will Sakura have this same threatening dream before she realizes her math teacher is probably going to try to kill her

Update from one minute later: I guess it was exactly one more time

“That’s right, Yukito’s birthday is on Christmas day” is this coming to be a coming of age where he like suddenly sprouts wings at age 17

I’ve been thinking this for a while but this show makes it seem like Japan has a much more fun approach to athletics than my school experiences

Yukito really is unflappable about hanging out with a bunch of kids half his height huh he’s like the Fourth Grader Whisperer

I KNEW IT YUKITO NEVER GOES WITH SAKURA ANYWHERE UNLESS HER BROTHER WILL ALSO BE WORKING THERE DFHKDFHKJ every time it’s just “Hey Toya :)”

“This kid...” HAHAH TOYA HAS JUST REALIZED THAT SYAORAN HAS A CRUSH ON HIS LITTLE SISTER AND HIS BOYFRIEND THE UTTER SUSPICION IN HIS TONE

“Wind become a binding chain” Whoops Sakura foiled by 4th grade knowledge of the elements

Oh shiiiit love a world-building moment now we have two card combos in play ayyyyy

Lmao @ Kero using his returned powers immediately for fireworks mood lighting is a serious Clow Card priority

“I would like to come again this year” everything in this show feels like foreshadowing for dramatic irony

[midnightzephyr]

#4

like all weekends, my best friends and i would always go out and spend nights in a place located somewhere we all don’t know. a place that is distant from where we stayed in. somewhere vacant, with nothing but the ground and the sky, and the stars and the galaxy.

that one night was tiny bit different. apart from the guys brought girls along, and i wasn’t one of them. i was sort of lonely, even though i had the other guys with me. it just felt wrong somehow. it felt as if i should have brought my own girlfriend, a person whom i could snuggle and hug and pepper kisses all over without being judged.. but melancholically, i don’t even have a girlfriend. girls just didn’t want me more than just a friend. or maybe my standards are just too high.. i don’t know.

three of the guys had their girlfriends glued to their sides with arms wrapped around their waists, and the leader of the whole group brought his little sister. the thing that wasn’t magnificent was that the group of girls tagged along another one, another best friend to complete the whole squad of five. she wasn’t dating any of the single members, and it just so happens that i’ve always been in love with her.

basically the seven of us guys and the five girls, rode two vans driven by the ones we all trusted the most. i would have got into the truck we guys took on our way to meet the girls, but it ended up in a jumbled mess. the girlfriends sat with their boyfriends, and the leader’s little sister was elsewhere. i was startled when there were no seats left in that van, but i guess it was for the good.

i sighed and hung my head low as i trudged my way to the other vehicle, feeling worn out even before the trip even started. i kicked the air, honestly i didn’t even have a clue why i was so upset. it wasn’t the end of the world, i know.. but i just really didn’t feel like i was in the spirit to have fun. not at that time.

i reached the other van, it was placed merely ten feet from the other one, but it sure felt as if i walked ten miles. i grabbed the door and pulled it open, scanning around the vehicle for the best seat. i had multiple choices, there were a lot of empty seats in this van. i kept on glancing at the empty seats, i couldn’t make up my mind until..

“can’t you hurry up?“ james snorted and started the engine.

i wasn’t always the one who gets surprised the most, but his voice was so strangely loud i felt like my heart dropped. i got into the van and before i could even place my bum properly on a seat, he drove off in the speed of 100 km/h. who even drives that fast when you just started getting on the road?

i crashed onto an empty seat, but unlucky me, half of my body was pressed against someone. the upper half of my body pressured on the person beside me. she jumped in surprise, and i swore to myself i could have gotten my dick cut off if this girl was anyone’s girlfriend.

the movements in the van were inhumanly insane and i kept on hitting against the window, and to her. i couldn’t even sit up straight, not until the car slowed down on the highway to track down the other vehicle. that freak.. what was he thinking? did he want us all to die?

i finally got the chance to sit up and straighten myself. i brushed my hair off my forehead in annoyance and grunted in slight moodiness. i was mad, but crashing in the seat beside the window was a great thing. i held the sill before sliding the windoe open. the midnight breeze felt amazing, and the scent of the grass filled my nostrils. it was beautiful, the moon shone brightly and i’ve never thought it could be that ethereal. it was.. amazing. and it felt so close to me that i could just touch it, and feel it with the tips of my fingers.

but then i felt soft eyes pierce my head behind me. that’s when i realize that i should apologize to her, to the person i caused so much pain just because i couldn’t get a grip of myself.

i closed my eyes as i turned my head, praying to god she wasn’t anyone’s girlfriend or sister. but i prayed harder hoping that girl wasn’t her.. wasn’t the one that has a hobby of making my heart race. that would be so embarrassing.. ah i’m already blushing at the thought of her face.

i opened my eyes, and the first thing i saw were her irises. her dark eyes, reflecting the moonlight beautifully. i could see myself mirrored in her orbs, and no one can deny that she is the most beautiful creature god has ever created.

she was looking at the moon too, like what i was doing. it was rather stupid of me to think that she actually was looking at me, but when i stared in her eyes unintentionally, her pupils moved and focused on me. her head tilted slightly so it was aligned parallel with mine. our lips were far apart, but i was nervous as if she was close enough to kiss.

i attempted to apologize for the chaos, but my words choked me and i had trouble breathing for a split second. she got worried, her hands flew upwards and held me by the sides of my face. i didn’t know what she was trying to do, but all i knew is that the person i love is holding me tenderly, looking at me in the eyes with worrisome. i cannot not love her, she’s the greatest.

she asked me if i was okay, and i, unaware of what i was doing, remained still and stared at her. she repeated her voice, and finally i snapped back to reality. i nodded and gulped in the piling saliva in my throat before sitting myself back on the seat like any sane person would. this sure is going to be a long trip.

she giggled, and god i hope nobody had any superpowers that could read minds and hearts bcs i swore my heart skipped a beat. her laugh.. oh her gentle voice. i was so weak, and defeated. i was so in love i could honestly drown in a pool of her voice.

i stammered an apology. it was so hard to even say anything, ah i was a mess. i could feel it in my bones.

she pulled her hand and draped it on her thigh, intertwining with her other hand and squeezing them together. she replied saying it was okay. i knew it was not. at least i thought it was not. my heavyweight body pressed on her and crashed on her so suddenly, i was sure she was culture shocked by it.

i tried to maintain a relaxed posture and an empty mind, i tried my best to not tilt my head to my right and stare at her unknowingly. it was hard, and i was just so pressured by it but i knew i had to it in order for me to not seem like somekind of freakish stalker.

i stared outside the window, my eyes roamed across the empty road. the flowers were colourful even though it was dark. the moonlight reflected beautifully against the surface of the sea. the waves hit the shore rhythmically, and the smell of the cold midnight breeze was amazing. i couldn’t wait to get out of the van and lay on the sand. i missed nature, i missed being able to love and think about it freely. it had been a week, and it was torturous for me to be hooked up in the studios. but my stresses were getting lifted, my shoulders were coming to an ease and i can finally smile a distressed smile.

the sight was as beautiful as her. i still remember the first time i have ever encountered her beautiful smile. it was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, it also felt as if all my sins were washed away. she was that beautiful. the instant my eyes landed on her, i was loss for words. i choked on my drink when she first started a conversation, it was embarrassing and she laughed at me. but i knew that she knew she was beautiful.

it all started on that one day. daniel wanted to go to a coffee shop that morning to have a fun talk with his little sister since she was busy with her college life and he was busy in the studio. at that time i woke up to pee, but the water was so insanely cold i couldn’t fall asleep because my goosebumps were so high up it nearly touched the sky. he invited me along, and i supposed why not. i needed something to warm me up, and coffee should do the trick.

i bought espresso for myself, and daniel bought his own drink with a bagel. we sat down on a table of four, sitting side by side because he wanted her sister to seat opposite him. i didn’t care, i mean i was just there for coffee anyways.

it took her a couple of minutes to arrive, and daniel stood up to squeeze her in a hug. i was staring outside the window, until she greeted me and told me to get up. i was lazy, she knew how i was anyways so i was rather annoyed that she wanted me to stand up. however my instincts tingled saying to just get up, so i did it anyways.

she grabbed me by the elbow and dragged it in front of someone. she wore a pinkish peach cardigan, with a white shirt and white jeans. daniel’s little sister said my name, and another name. and i didn’t notice she was introducing us to each other until she grabbed my hand. all i knew was that her eyes are pretty, and her smile is too.

she grabbed my hand rather gently, and shook it a couple of times. her skin was so soft, and i didn’t have a clue anyone’s skin could feel that feather-like. it was as if she touched the clouds, and the essence of it seeped through her tissues. although logically i’ve never held a cloud in my life, but i know they are soft. the gases combined made it look like cotton, gentle cotton. and i wouldn’t need to wish to touch the clouds, all i need was to wish i could hold her hands.

i sat down and scooted to the window, giving space for my great friend to sit. she sat in front of me, her hands were grasping each other against the table. she had a couple of bracelets on, and the scent of her captivated my smell buds. i could barely smell the scent of the espresso anymore even if i place the lip of the cup against my philtrum. the smell of roses and jasmines, god.. she drove me insane.

she started a conversation, and she asked me the things no one has ever asked. she wanted to know about what my opinion on flowers, and what were my favourites. i didn’t know what to say, since it was a rare question and particularly i didn’t have a huge admiration for flowers. i didn’t want to say the truth of my not liking it, since she seemed so in love with plants and i just couldn’t cope with seeing her smile fade. so i ended up saying i liked it, and flowers are my escape even though honestly that will never be true.

she grew eager to know about my favourite plant was. i was reluctant in answering, i was afraid that flower didn’t even exist. i told her my favourite was.. what is it called? uh.. it starts with a c, and ended with a sis.. the name was so scientific, i was sure i just blurted that name because i couldn’t think. but then she said the flower suits me. she said coreopsis held the meaning of always cheerful, and that’s what i am.

ah.. that’s the name. coreopsis. i guess she mentioned the non-scientific name, but i forgot. i think it’s called thickseed? yeah, something like that.

she told me her favourite ones were mostly white. i forgot their names, but they held sincere and pleasant meanings. truthfully i didn’t know what she meant about the meanings of these plants, or whether she goes to classes or writes a dictionary about it. she seemed to know it all, and as she spoke her knowledge, i fell in love deeper and deeper.

the only thing i remembered was that she said someday she wants someone to send her a bouquet of baby breaths, nothing much, just that. she told me it meant everlasting love, and she told that it would be beautiful to have someone as thoughtful as that in life.

day by day, we talked more. she knew me by heart and in the end she got to know that flowers weren’t my actual escape. but she wasn’t furious, she was rather delighted. she wanted to tell me more about plants, and the beauty behind the language of flowers, as long as i was willing to listen. it was her anyways, i couldn’t resist. of course i was willing to listen and pay attention. her voice was as sweet as honey, and i could get diabetes if honey could bring diseases.

i grew more in love with her, and somehow a couple of months, or years maybe, we parted. she went abroad, to continue studying language and graduating in england. she changed her number, she didn’t contact me anymore. i would have asked daniel’s sister, but i was afraid if it turns out that she was done with me. i was afraid she didn’t want me to know more about flowers, and literature. so i avoided. but until this day, this exact second, the moment she’s sitting beside me again.. i still loved her the same. perhaps even more than before. she was right there by my side in the tight area inside the van.

the loud noises from the others in the van muted down as they all drifted to sleep. i, wasn’t even a glimpse tired. my eyes were wide open and my brain was fully functioning. i was sure the only ones awake were me and james. she was lightly snoring beside me, and i didn’t even have to glance at her face to know she still looks drop dead gorgeous even with saliva drooling down her chin.

the vehicle came to a stop, and the other van parked right beside ours. i looked outside the window, and adam was there grinning and raising his eyebrows. that jerk couldn’t be even more stupid, i was already embarrassed having to sit beside my beautiful girl the whole ride, and here he was poking me over the edge of a cliff. my cheeks were burning, it felt as if i was a volcano that was about to blast.

everyone woke up just before we stopped, so it didn’t require me cooing her name and shaking her gently to make her eyelids flutter open.

we got down and took our bags. i didn’t know where mine was since i wasn’t the one loading them. i went to the boot of the van i rode, but there were only tents and hammocks. who even brought that? there weren’t even trees here.

eventually i got my hands on my bag and helped them carry the tents and food. the guys built the tents and campfire while the girls gathered the food. i don’t have a clue what time it was, but i knew it was late enough for the temperature to drop low. it was freezing, and she couldn’t handle the cold. i knew it, i always caught her shivering.

the girls cooked and served, and we ate in our sleeping bags because it was too cold. it was really cold.. i had two jackets on and i still shuddered as the temperature hit my bones. i glanced at her, her small hands were pale and she held her meal in shaking hands. i just wanted to pull her tight in a hug, but she was stones away from me. ugh.

i tried my very best not to stare at her and instead join the conversation they all were having. but i couldn’t help it. sure, i was a laughing dumbass through the night, but i constantly caught myself glancing at her to take a glimpse of her beauty. why am i like that honestly?

after finishing our food and cleaning up, everyone took place and laid down in their sleeping bags. we all watched the sky, staring at the constellations and making out possible shapes. like there was one that looked like a horse one of our friends pointed out, and i spotted a combination of stars that looked like lily’s small hands.

slowly, each and one of them fell asleep. i was the last one, even though i didn’t get any sleep in the van but again.. i wasn’t even a glimpse tired. i smiled to myself, i was glad i could finally lay under the blanket of stars again. it’s great, i really felt alive at that time.

i glanced to my left and saw caitlin curled up in a ball beside adam. they always did that unknowingly, and when the guys and i told them how they sleep together, they protest. if only i could take a picture and prove it to them.. but i was too lazy to get my phone. it was in our bags inside the tents and i was already comfortable in my sleeping bag. guess i just really couldn’t care to bother.

i tilted my head to my right, and i saw her. my girl. well okay.. the girl i wished i could call mine. she was hugging her knees, and was leaning in my way. i don’t know how i could not notice that.. how in the world could i not even notice her body being inches away from leaning against mine? i didn’t even know she was laying down beside me.. what the fuck was wrong with me?

her eyes were closed and her lips were apart. her nose was slightly red, and so did her cheeks. she was cold and freezing. she was asleep, i knew that she was already in deep depths of her dreams, so i didn’t hesitate to turn my body and face her.

i laid on my side, my right arm folded and tucked under my head while my left arm hung low on my waist. i admired her beauty, i was falling in love with her all over again. she was different, she was definitely not like any other girl. she looked fragile, and delicate, like a flower petal of her favourite.

something struck into me and for some reason my left arm rose and my fingers danced against her cold lips. the strains of hair covered her face weren’t a bother to me because every inch of her was beautiful. there was no such thing as beauty covering beauty right?

my thumb rubbed against her cheek, and my index finger traced down the bridge of her nose. i could just touch her like this until the next life comes. i can just run my fingers through her until they get numb because i would never get tired.

she shuddered in cold, and without me realizing, i scooted closer to her. i don’t know if my eyes played tricks or they were being real, but her lips curved in a small smile. it was as if she felt the warmth in my body, even though i was cold myself but at least i could share my last drips of heat in me with the girl i loved the most.

i got closer, and she leaned nearer. her cute figure came closer to me and almost instantly, my arm pulled her tightly in an embrace. her face tucked in the spance under my cheek, and i could feel her breathing against the skin of my neck. she laid herself cozily there, and her fingers grasped the patch of clothing near the left side of my chest. i was sure she could feel my heartbeat, and i was sure she was smiling at how nervous i was.

she puffed out a small smile, and it was as if she was trying to tell me to relax. i reconsidered the thought of her actually sleeping.. maybe she was awake the whole time and noticed the way i stared at her sleeping and touching every structure of her face. i was doomed.

after some minutes and i was sure that my heart rate was reaching a normal pace, i tried closing my eyes. but still, i couldn’t drift off to sleep. she was in my arms, snuggled tightly and i was holding her tenderly. her fingers grasped my shirt and my fingers were tracing shapes against her back. it was surreal, i just wanted to yell and scream and shout and tell everyone about this.

i smiled and opened my eyes. i stared at her instead since i couldn’t get a slice of sleep. i didn’t want to miss an opportunity to look at her like this again. this was just a once in a lifetime experience.. i can’t lose it.

her small voice cracked but her eyes were shut. i wasn’t aware if she was conscious or just sleep talking, but somehow i wished she was awake still. i wanted her words to be true. i wanted her to say it again and again and kill me again and again. i wanted to hug her closer and kiss her lips and feel her hands on me because that would be the only thing that need to complete my whole life.

as she spoke her words, my grip around her tightened. i leaned my cheek against the crown of her head and my muscles under my flesh moved as i smiled.

“under the skies and above the grounds, i will always be yours,” she whispered delicately.

—

[naancypants]

@nancydrew-onthecase, this is my argument post 4 you because I have waaaayyy too much to cram into a bunch of asks lol! I also took this way too seriously, so sorry for how Extra this is 😂😶

My previous posts have already summed up some of my favorite things about Joe/Nancy as a pairing, so I’d like to take this opportunity to also compare it to the opposing Nancy ships - please, please don’t view this as me bashing Nedcy and Francy to “prop up my ship” or whatever, I think they’re both totally valid ships in their own ways and I can understand their appeal. But in the 10+ years I’ve spent shipping Jancy (omg), I’ve spent a LOT of time analyzing the other two relationships to identify the things that do and don’t work in my personal opinion, and I felt that going over the latter is helpful in highlighting some of the reasons I love Joe x Nancy as much as I do. I’d like to present this as an open, honest discussion, so hopefully I can share my views & opinions without coming off as rude, haha. I’ve taken steps to make sure I’m remaining as self-aware as possible while still stating my thoughts exactly as they are.

Also know that I’m basing this mainly on the games and similar interpretations of these characters, not so much on the OG book series.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO… (under the cut bc of length lolol)

- Ned/Nancy, for me, is very sweet because of Ned’s dedication to being there for Nancy no matter what, but it also has that persistent dark cloud of Nancy going off all the time without telling him (which, although I love her to death and I understand why, is pretty crappy on her part). Ned is a precious boy who is “okay with it” and thinks it’s “worth it” to be with someone like Nancy, but… God. He’s SO SOFT and, as someone else who is Very Soft, I would be heartbroken if my s/o was never around, cancelling our plans at the last minute, etc. And we do actually hear this loneliness from Ned many times. He almost always comes around with these supportive, encouraging speeches which is one of the biggest points in Nedcy’s favor, but on a larger scale there’s sooo much he could be getting out of his relationship that he’s just… not. He’s a simple hometown boy who just wants to give all his love to the lucky girl and live a nice life with her - he doesn’t have the same thirst for adventure that Nancy has. He’s totally a romantic who doesn’t.. really.. get to be that way with her? Not often, at least. A good guy like Ned deserves someone he can truly be with, rather than wondering if or when she’s ever going to be home - even for the important stuff (like birthdays and anniversary dinners). I mean if homeboy is really content to put up with her being gone all the time then good for him. I still just feel like, if he did some serious soul searching and prioritized what he truly wants in life, he could be happier. 😭

- Frank/Nancy doesn’t struggle with the lifestyle differences of Nedcy, which is a point in their favor, but I’ve always personally seen Francy as being a bit stagnant due to their similarities & differences. They’re both logical, studious, hard-headed individuals - yet Nancy has this inherent inclination to break the rules, which is a quality Frank doesn’t generally possess (unless it’s absolutely necessary). Nancy is stubborn about the daring methods she often uses to solve cases, and Frank is stubborn about wanting to go by the book first & pursue everything with caution. This leads to an ongoing dialogue that VERY closely mirrors the dynamic that already exists between Frank & Joe, so for me it’s a little less interesting of a pairing (just my opinion, of course). It’s true that Nancy & Frank’s matched intellect is pretty much unrivaled, but I don’t think they have much to offer each other in the way of everyday development and growth. Their mindsets are already so similar, there isn’t much new for them to learn or gain from being together. Lots of intellectual stimulation, certainly (which would be GREAT for them), but otherwise they mostly just reinforce the qualities in each other that they share. Obviously Frank & Joe make a great team and so do Frank & Nancy, there’s NO disputing that, but a romantic relationship takes so much more than just working well together. That’s a big part of it, for sure, but there’s so much more. Take a look at my next paragraph and compare these two dynamics to see what I mean.

- Joe/Nancy is the middle ground between the two. They share similar life goals, so there’s no off-and-on issue of “when are you coming home?😢”, yet mentally they’re very different. They’re both extremely smart, but in completely different ways. They can challenge each other in everyday life, which helps them stay on their toes and become better people. Nancy is the head, Joe is the heart; they can effortlessly achieve that emotional balance with no major obstacles standing in their way. Plus, the qualities they DO have in common are stimulating and beneficial to their relationship; both Nancy & Joe have more of an unbridled, adventurous spirit than Frank does (though perhaps this is more noticeable in Joe). They’re both eager to take risks and do what others are afraid to do. Yet Nancy is logical/grounded enough to keep Joe in check, and Joe is able to feed that inner desire of hers to be bold & fearless - not only that, he can usually be seen in the background emphatically cheering her on because that’s a quality he has IMMENSE respect for. He doesn’t love her in spite of this dangerous habit, it’s part of why he has soooo much admiration for her in the first place. Joe makes no secret of the fact that he absolutely loves this about her, even in canon. He has no doubt that she can handle herself, so Nancy has the freedom to make her own choices without the initial resistance she usually receives from Ned or Frank. Of course Joe cares, and he does remind her to be careful, but he does so in a way that doesn’t feel like he’s wrestling with this lowkey desire to hold her back. Despite how much Joe wants her to stay safe, he doesn’t feel the need to worry himself sick over her because he trusts her entirely, and besides, “that’s who she is. That’s what makes her so freakin’ AWESOME” (- Joe Hardy, probably). Please see this link for the rest of my thoughts on this. And, as I also stated in the linked post, something that’s often overlooked is that Nancy & Joe both actually have the dorkiest sense of humor so they can easily make each other grin over stupid jokes and puns and I am so very here for that. Not to mention Jancy’s shared enthusiasm for mysteries; Frank enjoys it for the intellectual rush, but Joe enjoys it for the adrenaline rush. Nancy is both. I love those phone convos where Nancy tells them she’s still on the case and Frank is like “aw man, I know you can do it Nancy, just keep at it” and Joe’s like “HECK YEAH YOU HAVE MORE MYSTERY TO SOLVE! GO GET EM, NANCE!!!” bc Nancy honestly loooves working a case. I just find it so wholesome.

And… perhaps this is another personal opinion, but stop for a second and think about the subversive nature of a well-written Joe x Nancy narrative. Got it? Yeeeah, I’m all about that. 😉

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. I love Joe Hardy and Nancy Drew with my whole heart

[tomiyeee]

finished the story quests for bl3 (but barely any of the side missions yet) and i got...Opinions(tm)

(sorry if this doesn’t cut on mobile! also if you want to hide spoilers i’m tagging all my bl3 posts as “bl3 spoilers” so ny’all can blacklist it)

in no particular order:

i honestly wanted to give gearbox some slack and try my best to like this game bc i know people had probably unfairly high expectations for this game given all the build up, but they really just kept letting me down in everything but the graphics

said this before but overall, the characters are all Quite lackluster

^^ tyreen and troy included. adding the word "bitch" to every sentence does not automatically make it funnier

that being said, i super love their backstory + relationship with typhon/nekofeyo-whatever

the character designs are equally boring. moxxi was the only one who got a real improvement imo. lilith and maya are okay. rhys...i dont think i have to explain. lia...i dislike her hair; the black felt like it balanced out her design better and the white streak was interesting and cool but full white just looks bad tbh. zer0 feels less sleek and more bulky which doesnt fit him much. tina lost her pretty color palette and cute outfit. where are all the bright pretty color palettes in general???? there are other colors besides brown and black???? use them?????

ending of pre-sequel: “you will need all the vault hunters you can get” me: “ooh does that mean all the vh’s from previous games are back? i can’t wait to see everyone meet each other! :D” bl3: only nine of them come back, 3 of them die, the rest are involved in maybe one mission at most

boss fights. super. boring. and tedious. i mean this could be partly because i was playing on ps4 which made it extra not fun but if the only reason the fight is difficult is because they have a lot of health...it's not fun or challenging. i want fights like handsome jack with interesting mechanics. i want fights like angel with emotional impact. i want fights like the pre-sequel final boss that i forgot the name of with variation that isnt just "now they have an attack that shines bright lights in ur eyes, covers the whole arena, and can knock you down in one hit im looking at you traunt and killavolt". tyreens fight was the only one that i somewhat enjoyed because of this. all the others were just like "ughhhh again?"

im really enjoying melee amara playstyle. taking out badass enemies in four hits is my jam. this is just my fallout 4 playthrough all over again babey heck yea

typhon just wanted to be a good dad!!! he called tyreen starlight which is adorable!!! he did the best he could and tyreen hated him for it!!! i don’t blame either of them for that tbh, it makes sense from both their perspectives. tyreen definitely should have been more understanding, but she’s a dick so :/ (not saying this is a writing flaw, just a character flaw)

hammerlock needs higher standards in men but i really appreciate the undeniably in-your-face "fuck you" to all gamer dudes

i really. hate. how little the player character seems to matter in the story. in pre-sequel the vh's all had unique dialogue AND npcs would respond, sometimes even with character-specific lines. even when it was the same across vh's, it still felt like the npcs were interacting and speaking directly to them. the player character felt like a character of their own, rather than just a vessel for the player to do quests and kill enemies with or an errand runner for the important characters. i thought that was the direction they were going in with bl3 too but this just feels like bl2 only worse. there’s a separation again between you and the story and it feels like you’re just watching things happen. now ur not just a silent protagonist, but instead your a speaking protagonist who gets completely ignored. whats the point of including unique dialogue if it's not even acknowledged beyond an "uh-huh, moving on"?

sometimes the logic just feels kinda dumb. the twins killed/disabled maya and lilith in a heartbeat, they can literally disintegrate the most powerful beings in the universe, but the vault hunters? absolutely not. they must fight them for 40 minutes and then die.

after the fight with troy, no one even touched tyreen. there's no way they could have thought "yup she's definitely dead, no need to shoot her in the head or anything just to make sure. we didn't do anything to even hurt her, we just assumed." turns out she's 100% alive and gets up to start the apocalypse. who'da thunk! i know they wanted the end to seem more dramatic but it just seems stupid that they could have stopped tyreen like 5 missions earlier had they even the slightest bit of common sense.

lilith was one of the biggest threats to tyreen and troy's whole plan. of course they should leave her alive and simply steal her powers. let's kill the monk siren instead.

i know they didn't include this to give all players a fair experience instead of favoring sirens, but it kinda sucks playing a siren character and it's just completely ignored outside of ur action skill. tyreen and troy are sapping siren powers left and right, but they choose to leave you with yours. when you enter the eridian place with typhon tannis starts glowing because it has "something to do with sirens". what about the one standing right next to her? this applies to bl2 as well...jack i would willingly charge ur vault key for u pls why do u take lilith instead :'(

oh yeah speaking of tannis! i LOVE that she got angels powers. for some reason it just makes me really happy. maybe it's bc i think it's sweet that part of angel survived. maybe it's because it makes for cool fanart. maybe it's just cool. idk. also like that we got a solid explanation of what angel's powers were (influence over technology). i always thought her having control over it in bl2 might've been cuz it was hyperion tech and she had access to it same as she had access to the satellite from bl1. it wasn't super clear since it seemed like she could also materialize things like the ammo during her fight.

that also reminds me: all the dramatic reveals in this game felt kinda badly done.

the very first one with zer0/katagawa. like the whole time i was walking around looking for him i was trying to think why he might've turned/something must have happened to him or rhys. everyone was saying it was undeniably zer0. i finally meet him and take one look at his bright ass maliwan armor and its like. really. you couldnt have made it anymore obvious that thats not zer0. and then his helmet gets knocked off and surprise! it's not him. i totally didnt already figure that out with one glance 10 seconds ago. (maybe even earlier when you got glimpses of him around the building but i always missed it cuz i was looking at the fish tanks n shit)

also the tannis reveal. she was speaking to me in the same way that only known siren characters could. weird unexplained things were happening and seemed to be related to tannis. i wonder if she's a siren? surprise! she's a siren.

tyreen and troy knew about the great vault through some unknown means. typhon was talking about having a son and a daughter who he told stories about the great vault. typhon calls tyreen his daughter a while later and lilith acts surprised like honey ur a little slow, i figured that out several lines ago.

basically i'm not saying they were so obvious that i knew from the beginning of the game; i only figured them out a little before they were outright stated. but it was enough that it kinda ruined the effect and the characters acting surprised only when it was blatantly spelled out for them just made it annoying.

i feel like most of this is pretty negative, but i don’t mean that i hate the game and was miserable playing it. it was honestly okay...like i said i wanted to like it, but gearbox hates me specifically and killed/ruined all my faves just to spite me sooo...*waves hand back and forth in a sort of “ehhh” gesture*. i think my opinion on bl games from most to least fav would be: tftbl, bltps, bl2, bl3, and bl1. so it’s not the worst, but deeefinitely not one of my faves. i mean jack’s not in it (or if he is he doesn’t have a big role) so it’s already at a huge disadvantage. the ending was ok, it was all dramatic n stuff and it kinda makes sense i guess, but it was just about as okay as the rest of the game really. i don’t hate it but it’s not great either yknow?

[fearnyas]

TAGGED: @etoilenyas​ bc we love to suffer! TAGGING: i don’t even remember who’s active in my following man just steal it from me

▌𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 : Oliver Quincy Issac Wright.  ▌𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐍 : In an established relationship with Dmitry Jones. The state of their relationship varies throughout their canon. They’ve been dating since high school: for four years by the time the Vegas Arc takes place, and they’re engaged in the NYC Arc after Ollie proposes. Post-NYC Arc, they get married. ▌𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐑 𝐏𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐒 :

Uses a magical bell to transform into Nyan Diamond, defender of love & justice and second-in-command of The Cat’s Nyas. His bell when not in use is often worn as a choker.

Thanks to the contract, Oliver has cat-like senses. Meaning, his eyesight, hearing, sense of smell, etc. are all heightened even outside his transformation. This effect is permanent so long as the contract is enforced. Better vision at night. Includes cat-like reflexes, flexibility, quicker speed, and the ability to still land on his feet were he to fall from a great height. He may still obtain injuries, but is objectively safer than an average human might be.

Additionally, in the early years of his contract, under intense emotional stress (whether that’s positive or negative) he may sprout a cat ears and tail, or completely turn into a cat temporarily. (His particular breed is a Scottish Fold!) How long these consequences last varies on how much stress he was under, but he will eventually return to normal. He can still talk normally even in his cat form, which is...distressing...so any meows around non-Nyans are entirely fake. Eventually, the Nyans gain more control over this, and it becomes less of an inconvenience. 

When transformed, he has the ability to use water magic to attack his opponents.

The strength and usage of these attacks vary. Typically, he’ll summon blasts or waves of varying temperatures and strengths, but the possibilities are only as limited as his imagination is. However, everything new takes time to practice before he can use it to its full potential. Not limited to exclusively water, but anything liquid. 

This eventually extends to manipulating ice states, but the element itself is not something he can control outside of what he’s summoned. Pre-existing resources in this instance are of no use to him.

Water that he summons, if paired with another Nyan’s element, is beneficial. For example, combining his abilities with Nyan Clover’s vines/plant magic, Clover’s plants grow stronger, and Diamond’s water magic serves as a boon.

Most if not all of his summons come directly from his staff. The crystal embedded within it serves as a way to store his magic, and it makes any attack easier to control. His weapon-of-choice makes it so he’s more effective at a distance, but he’s comfortable taking enemies on close range if he has to.

After the Nyans defeat Oleander, the vice that Oliver forms in the middle of the Vegas Arc, he gains luck magic. Rather, the ability to manipulate luck itself. At its best, this is a major boon for the team if it works in their favor. However, when first obtained, it isn’t something he can predict accurately, and poses a high risk if used improperly. Has to rely on intuition and chance, luck and probability can be shifted at a price. It’s something he needs to be incredibly careful with.

▌𝐄𝐘𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐑 : Naturally violet as a civilian. | As Nyan Diamond, the color shifts to light blue with purple and pink hues throughout. ▌𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐑 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐑 :   Light honey brown as a civilian, has natural red highlights. | When transformed as Nyan Diamond, his hair is light blue. ▌𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐒 : Scarlett Wright, often goes by Carly or Carla - mother. She primarily works from home as an accountant. Prior to moving to America, he saw her the most often, so he was naturally closer to her. She was the first person he confided in about his sexuality and both her and Samuel have been incredibly supportive. | Samuel Wright - father.  Works as a sports coach and physics teacher, the main influence on a lot of Oliver’s interests and hobbies. When he wasn’t busy helping the local secondary school teams, he’d spend a majority of his time planning short family trips or trying to bond with his son. Oliver and him have a positive relationship, as far as families go. | Oliver doesn’t keep in contact with his extended family due to a variety of factors. He uses the distance as an excuse, though it’s an obvious lie. His relationship with them has always been incredibly strained, particularly after he realized his sexuality. As a result, he’s never come out to them, and he doesn’t intend to. ▌𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐒 : Presently, he helps take care of their contractor, Lucky, with Dmitry. Prior to his move, he had three dogs. All border collies, Lexi, and two of her twin puppies that his family grew attached to. Their names are Parsley and Sage! | While not pets that he owned, when his family was able they also fostered a variety of animals. As a result, it’s something he wants to take up again in the future. ▌𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 : People who are unnecessarily cruel for no reason. He doesn’t personally like swearing, and quit himself ages ago, he’s willing to overlook it for other people. Doesn’t really like religion as a whole, or people who force their beliefs on others (especially unprompted! The kinds of people who assume you’re just like them and share the same mindset, that kind of thing.) Not necessarily fond of himself, or how easily he cries; doesn’t like being overly sensitive. Absolutely hates being lied to, or people who skirt around the truth; thinks its easier to hurt temporarily than to hide something, which is...terribly ironic. ▌𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐁𝐈𝐄𝐒 / 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 : Gambling and cardistry. Sports, both playing and watching--likes playing soccer, rugby, swimming primarily. Watches national games for the former two, as well as American football, albeit with less interest. Cooking, baking, trying to figure out recipes for both himself and Dmitry with varying degrees of success. Binges of romcoms or trashy ‘dating’ shows. Violin. Most outdoor recreational activities--primarily hiking, fishing, or camping. Studying. Logic puzzles. Taking care of animals. Sewing. Playing video games casually, usually popular titles. ▌𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 : Not intentionally! His vice caused a lot of harm, but it was mostly contained within its own realm. Doesn’t get into fights otherwise. ▌𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 : No, keeping his vice contained + it’s own abilities (ironically) helped prevent casualties. There were cases of severe injury though, although not many. ▌𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌 :  Scottish Fold cat. ▌𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐒 :   He second-guesses himself a lot, rather than listening to his gut, as a result--this tends to backfire. (Vegas Arc) He’s meek, and doesn’t stand up for himself or speak his mind. Bottles up more of his feelings than he actually expresses, which leads to...some more than unsavory situations.  Has a tendency to doubt other’s intentions and feelings towards him, making assumptions of what they feel towards him even without provocation. Pretty petty and passive-aggressive, especially on shift, it’s rare this is directed towards his friends. Tendency to isolate, or at least makes attempts to. Assumes the worst of most every situation. Extremely self-depreciating, will find a way to shift the blame to himself if something goes wrong. Apologizes for literally everything. Hypocritical in the sense the advice he’ll willingly give other people is the same kind he knows he should take, but doesn’t. ▌𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐒 : His best friend, Lacey. His boyfriend, Dmitry. The other Cat’s Nyas, his friends. (Jules and Romeo especially!)   ▌𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 : Homoromantic homosexual. For a while, especially when he was closeted, he dealt with varying degrees of internalized homophobia not aided by the influence of his extended family, which fed into his worsening mental health. At home, he was selective and hesitant with who he came out to as a matter of safety. This is no longer an issue. ▌𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐍 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐆𝐄 / 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 : He didn’t think much of marriage prior to dating Dmitry. Mostly, he didn’t think he’d be able to, or that he deserved to. That being said...he does think highly of it, and absolutely wants to. He thinks its sweet, and by the time they’ve graduated high school he would have already brought up the idea of it. When he eventually proposes, he already has a vague idea of what he wants in his vows and the ceremony he’d like. Isn’t sure about children due to a small degree of self-doubt, but isn’t opposed to adoption. No opinion on how many kids he’d want to adopt, as he hasn’t really thought about it. ▌𝐒𝐓𝐘𝐋𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒 : Dress casual and light colors. Button ups and cuffed jeans, muted or slightly pastel-leaning colors, he likes loose t-shirts and jackets/cardigans, anything that looks nice but too flashy. Doesn’t wear a lot of jewelry outside of his piercings and the trinket. ▌𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 : Dmitry, first and foremost. He’s his first and only boyfriend and he’s honestly never been happier with someone. Didn’t buy into love at first sight until he met him, and even then, he only found more reasons to fall harder. He loves his childhood friend, current friends, and his parents too of course, and would do anything for them, but his feelings for Dmitry are notably stronger. ▌𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐀𝐂𝐇 𝐓𝐎 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐒 : Tries his best to be amicable, albeit, he’s extremely shy. He grows out of his shyness by the time the NYC Arc is in place, but he’s still pretty soft-spoken and is inclined to let them lead in conversations and plans. Relatively warm and easy to get along with, and likes hanging out with the friends he has when he’s able. Goes out of his way to try and talk to people who seem like they need the company, and is deeply empathetic, willing to lend an ear to those who need it. Although this doesn’t go both ways. He doesn’t want to burden them, so he often overextends himself with making others happy at the expense of himself. ▌𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐊 : Alcoholic, he likes beer most, particularly lagers or ale, but isn’t opposed to anything else. Non-alcoholic, black coffee or fruit-based teas are an immediate go to. Doesn’t drink a lot of soda. Should drink more water. ▌𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐀𝐓 : The easy answer is anywhere his boyfriend might be. The more in depth answer is anywhere outdoors; he likes to sight-see and experience new things. Favors beaches or local parks. Likes hanging out at the casino he works at as well, even off shift; it’s lively and he has a good time actually placing bets of his own, he knows a few of the regulars by name. ▌𝐒𝐖𝐈𝐌 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍 : Ocean, no questions asked. History aside, he enjoyed going out to local beaches a lot as a kid, and swimming in the ocean was something he really liked. Give him directions to the nearest beach please and thank you! ▌𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐓𝐘𝐏𝐄 : Romantically, someone who’s self-assured and knows what they want in life. Someone with a good heart who does good things, or at least tries to. Someone patient who won’t judge him for his seemingly-endless list of fears and is willing to help him as he tries to ‘get better.’ Someone who takes the time to understand him, just as much as he does them. Brave, beautiful, and willing to set aside time just for the two of them. Basically, everything Dmitry is, thanks, he thinks he’s perfect and this has never changed. Platonically, he just likes people who are kind, funny, and humble--he doesn’t like braggarts or anyone with a huge ego--the most important thing is just being willing to understand him and not judge him for what he perceives to be his many, many flaws. ▌𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐎𝐑𝐒 : Camping, absolutely. He’s a surprisingly outdoorsy type, and he has gone on a few family camping trips before. Not to mention, stargazing is kind of romantic if you think about it...he’d really like to do that at least once with someone he really, really loves. (Hey? Dmitry? Are you listening?)

[lowcalfics]

SVT when their crush (you) gets them alone and tries to seduce them

First request, woo! I’m sorry some of these are less seduction and more like cheesy pick up lines bc I hate being repetitive and there are only so many ways to seduce someone.

And I’m so sorry that the short ones are shorter than woozi, i swear they’re finished, I just suck :(

Requests are still open!!

Y/S/N = your stage name Y/G/N = your group name  Y/M/N = your member’s name i dont think i even used these lol

S. Coups:

“Coups, oppa?” he turned to you quickly along with 12 other heads. And now there were 26 eyes on you so it only seemed natural that you would get nervous, “I-I need your help, please. In the practice room.”

It was a miracle that he even heard you, but you were glad that he did. You quickly rid yourself of the nervous feeling that you had because you needed confidence to do what you were about to.

“What do you need my help with?” he rightfully asked closing the practice room door behind himself.

“Well, I need help working on my facials for the performance. I don’t know how to do like sexy faces so I need you to tell me if I look good,” you explained really hoping that he hadn’t noticed that you were lying. He did, obviously, but Seungcheol decided to keep that to himself and see why you were lying.

Instead, he nodded and pulled a chair in front of the large mirror facing you head on while you went to play the music.

You went through your routine trying much harder to be sexual than you usually would, defining your body rolls and swirling your hips slower than you would. Instead of watching yourself in the mirror like you should have been, you watched for Seungcheol’s reactions to things. 

When you ended the performance out of breath and super eager for his opinion, he silently stood and walked towards you.

“How was it?” you looked up at him and he looked down at you with a questioning look.

“Why’d you ask me to help you?” his question surprised you.

“I, um, I d-didn’t think I would take advice f-from someone who wasn’t my elder,” you didn’t even think the lie through.

His response was a quick and heated one, “But you have three other oppas in Seventeen,” he tilted his head and stepped impossibly closer, “Why did you choose me?”

You stuttered and avoided eye contact with him, trying to search for your answer.

He smirked, “Were you trying to seduce me?”

You gasped and were about to defend yourself when you looked up at him and met his eyes. He was too perfect, you realized that your plan wouldn’t have worked anyway, “Did it work?” you asked shyly, confidence drained from you.

He laughed and smiled really wide and your heart was practically soup by now, “You tell me,” his voice changed and you suddenly realized that the eyes you were looking into looked a lot darker than they usually did as he pushed even closer to you letting you feel Not-so-little Coups digging into your hip.

Jeonghan:

“Jeonghan, could you come here for a second?” you called the boy in and took a deep breath. When the door opened you adjusted your skirt raising it higher.

Jeonghan cleared his throat, “Did you need me, Y/N?”

You turned around and smiled at him, “Yeah, how do I look?” you spun a few times, heels clicking loudly. When you finished your spinning and Jeonghan was still looking at your body you smirked, “Jeonghan,” you called out for him in a singing tone, “see anything you like?”

“Seeing a lot of things that I like,” you walked towards him as he spoke, swinging your hips more than usually.

“I’m not a statue, Jeonghan,” you moved even closer, your lips right next to his ear, “If you want to, you can touch.”

(jeonghan stans feel free to send hate my way bc honestly id kill me)

Joshua:

“Joshua you wanna be Woozi so bad, just give up,” you taunted the boy.

“Why would I want to be short and angry like you?” he retorted with an innocent smile.

“You know I’m better, Jisoo!”  you stomped your foot.

“Y/N, I’m literally the king of aegyo,”

You laughed throwing your head back, “Bitch, where?”

He gasped, “Don’t use that language, I’m still your elder,”

You smirked to yourself because he had fallen into your trap. When you looked back into his eyes you had an exaggerated frown on your face, “I’m so sorry, Jisoo,” you sniffled before whining, “Y/N didn’t mean it!” you came closer to him tugging his shirt and looking up at his batting your eyelashes, “Y/N is sorry, oppa.”

Joshua gasped and blushed at the word and you had to hold back a smile. You had hoped that he would have this reaction.

You blinked at him innocently, “What’s wrong, oppa?” you popped the “p” in your question already knowing the answer well.

“Nothing,” he started to get defensive and backed away from you, “just stay there.”

“You don’t like me, oppa?” you tilted your head to the side and started forcing tears up, “please like me, oppa, I like you!” you moved impossibly closer to him pressing your bodies together.

“I-” he stuttered, know that you could feel him.

You looked up at him and smirked. Finally using your normal still high pitched voice you whispered, “I knew you liked me, oppa.”

(well i’m ready for hell)

Jun:

You were seeing red, slamming down your ingredients and utensils so loud that everyone in the dining room could hear.

“Barely even see the guy all day and he doesn’t even say hello? Thanks for coming, thanks for coming! To 5 out of 6 members?!” you were officially insane, “Well, I guess I could just make 18 cupcakes, forget you exist like you forget I exist hm?”

“Uh, Y/N?” you whip your head around and are faced with the same boy that you’d been complaining about, “are you alright?”

“What did you hear?” you ask, avoiding eye contact with your elder and placing the batter bowl on the counter behind you.

Jun’s eyes followed you when you went to bend down and get some muffin tins, “Only muffled ranting, like everyone else. I wanted to apologize.”

Your ears perked up at his words, “For?” you questioned the older boy, keeping your chest down as if the muffin tins were not right in front of your face.

He walked towards you while speaking, “For forgetting to thank you for joining us. Your presence is definitely one that I am grateful for,” he smiled when you finally stood and met his eyes.

“Hm,” you hummed and started to line the muffin tins, “why aren’t you eating?”

Jun dipped his finger in the batter and licked off you hard work, “I was full. And bored.”

“Oppa, you can’t eat my batter! It has raw egg and it’s for dessert!” you scolded him even if he was the older of you two.

“Stop me then,” he dipped two fingers in the batter again and began to raise them to his lips so you did the logical thing.

You grabbed his hand and licked the batter off of his fingers. You went slowly taking a lick up the side before closing your lips around his digits and sucking them down, wiggling your tongue to get them completely clean.

Jun was taken aback by your actions but while you looked into his eyes, you could sense him pleading for you not to stop. And you didn’t, you wouldn’t, not until you heard someone walk into the kitchen. 

“Y/N?” you heard Y/M/N call out, “dinner is finished, do you need any help in here?”

You pulled your mouth off of Jun’s fingers with a pop and let your tongue linger for a second before responded, “No I’m okay, Jun oppa says he wants to help me,“ you smiled devilishly at the shocked man in front of you, hoping that you he would let you show him other ways that you could use your mouth.

Hoshi:

You should’ve known that something was up when your members were all giggling at the table. It wouldn’t have been weird but even your leader had a small smirk. And her eyes were on you for at least 5 solid minutes. She never paid that much attention to just one of you! When you finally asked them what was going on you didn’t know if you wanted to kiss them, hit them, or vomit on them.

You don’t remember anything between then and now-standing in front of Hoshi of Seventeen in a room that you’d be alone in for about 30 minutes. All you knew was that you wanted to cry and you had to use this time wisely.

Once you thought that you cursed out loud hitting yourself on the head and reaching down to reach your toes, “I’m so sorry, hyung, I forgot that I needed to stretch before I came. Please don’t be upset with me I was just nervous because I’ve really ad-”

“Hey, it’s alright,” he chuckled, “Don’t be nervous, we can be the same. You’re already very very good with what you performed with,” you blushed at his words, glad that your head was currently between your legs where you wanted his head to be.

That’s it! You slowly began to spread your legs until you were in a full straddle with your stomach on the ground, “Thank you, oppa,” you said in what you really really hoped was a sexy tone.

When you slowly picked up your chest keeping your legs wide apart and looked up at Hoshi, you were very excited to see his tongue just barely peeking out from his newly wet lips.

“You’re quite flexible aren’t you?” his voice sounded so you don’t even know what but you have no clue how you hadn’t jumped his bones yet.

“I think it’s one of my best assets, don’t you think so?” you asked him rolling your hips forward and closing your legs behind you.

“Seems like it,” he says again watching you bend your back and touching your nose with your toes.

“Oppa?” you called him a sweeter, higher pitched tone.

“Yes?” he answered snapping back into his usual voice,.

“Oppa, I’m sorry, I really need your help with the last stretch,”

He came over to where you were now sitting in cat stretch. You moved to lay on your back and lifted your right leg straight up into the air, “I need you, oppa.”

“Fuck,” he mumbled.

“I mean that I need you to come closer to me, in between my legs,” you blushed because you never thought that you could get him this close to you. He did what you ask and you both sighed softly, “Ok now please push my leg back slowly. No matter what I say, push it until it hits the floor, then hold it there for about 20 seconds,” you were just realizing that you had to pretend that you couldn’t do this stretch alone.

As he started to push your leg down, you could feel how warm he was getting from your efforts and it prompted you to moan softly, only helping you in the long run. You whimpered when the boy started to reach resistance, “Keep going, pretty please,” you begged him.

He had to move his body forward in order to push your leg all the way down, making you guys chest to chest(and crotch to crotch). You looked up at him when you felt your centers meet, “oppa,” you whimpered as he finally touched your foot to the floor.

“You feel it, Y/N?” you wanted to just respond with a moan but you had to keep it together just a little bit.

You nodded feverishly, “there’s no way I wouldn’t feel it. It’s so big,” you whispered the last part, halfway hoping that he wouldn’t hear you because it was so cheesy.

This is what made Hoshi lose his composure, finally bending over to attack your mouth with his own.

(anyone who’s hoshi biased better love me right now)

Wonwoo:

Adrenaline was still twisting through your veins while you were walking back to your seat. You smiled at all of your oppas and onnis that you were passing and feeling so lucky that you had gotten the chance to perform in front of them.

You were snapped out of your starstruck daze when you heard your name called next to you, “Y/N! Come sit with me for a while,” you looked down to see your friend Wonwoo missing 12 members. You smirked at him and sat next to him. 

“How did we do?” you both asked at the same time before laugh.

 “Well I’m sure you know that you did well girls basically cry at the sound of your voice,”

 “Do you?”

 “No, something else gets wet,” you smiled at him as if what had come from your mouth was completely normal. Wonwoo choked on his water. “You see that’s how I want you to choke me, oppa.”

 “What?”

 “What?” you imitate his deep voice, “do your moans sound like that? What do I have to do to hear them?”

“Quite a lot more than what you’re doing now, Y/N. You’re very bad at seducing people, so I guess that I’ll have to show you how it’s done.”

Woozi:

Jihoon sighed finishing the last note, “How was that?” he asked you. Except you were busy drooling over him, “Y/N, helloooo,” he waved his hand in your face snapping you out of your daze.

“Oh, I’m sorry oppa,” you mentally kicked yourself. You usually weren’t like this, but around him you couldn’t function.

“Don’t be sorry, be alert,” he shook his head at you. You knew that he was just tired but you could feel your chances of catching his eye slipping away. 

You stood up from where you had been sitting for hours and stretched causing your shirt to rise enough for the boy to see your belly button, “why don’t we take a break, Jihoon?” 

“Shouldn’t you be using a formal tone?” he joked with you.

“Geez, tough crowd,” you mumbled softly as you sat down on the ground and laid there.

“Did you honestly just get up from a chair to lay down on the dirty floor?” 

You sighed and rolled over onto your stomach, “you should try it, Jihoon, you look really tense,” you pouted, “do you need some help relaxing?”

“I know how to relax,” Woozi lied, “I’m not tense.”

You laughed at his blatant lie standing up and walking behind him, “I know that’s not true, I can prove it.”

“Wha-” he started but was cut off when he felt your light touch upon his shoulders.

You tried to push down into his shoulders and immediately came to strong knots, “If you’re not tense, then what is this?” you asked as you softly began to unwind the knots in his shoulders.

He didn’t even respond, instead just softly biting his lip. He didn’t even realized that his eyes were closed until he thought about how he didn’t want to open them.

“Is that good, oppa?” you whispered directly into his ear from behind. He only hummed in response but you knew that he was finally enjoying something and it was because of you. You were so excited that you almost forgot that you were seducing the boy.

“You work so hard Woozi oppa, I just want to take really good care of you,” you let your warm breath trail over his neck and he tilted his head to the side almost asking for more, “you can always call me if you want to relax, oppa. Just take me whenever you need me,” you took a risk and planted a small kiss, just a peck, onto his exposed neck.

Jihoon reached to stop your hand and pulled you to face him with only this much space separating you two, “I need you now, Y/N.”

DK:

“Whoa,” you heard an unfamiliar voice exclaim before bumping into that person and falling backwards. Thankfully, strong hands caught your waist before you could embarrass yourself anymore, “Sorry, usually no one is here this early,”

“Oh it’s okay I-” you pause when  you see who it is that you’re speaking to, “I-I like to come more early, I mean earlier, to do um vocal warmups,” you could feel fire in your cheeks.

“Oh, me to!” he smiled at you and you licked your own lips wishing that his were on them. You were very surprised to see his eyes follow your tongue as it wet your lips. All you knew when he looked back into your eyes was that you wanted him to keep looking at you like that forever.

When you separated, you had to walk to the other side of the room to grab our water bottle and on your walk you came up with an evil, barely-there plan to seduce your hyung and crush.

You and Dokyeom smiled at each other when you came back to him. You practiced a few common vocal exercises and neither of you noticed how you would both either close your eyes or follow each other’s lips.

You only noticed his wanting stare once you placed your water bottle against your lips. When you were done taking a sip you let your tongue linger and play with the opening of the bottle.

You could hear and see the boy gulping when you closed the bottle and let your tongue run across your bottom lip before taking it in between your teeth.

“Stop it,” you suddenly heard your elder and lifted your eyes to his, “you don’t want to be marked up.”

You swallowed your last bit of hesitance, “and what if I do want to be marked?”

He swallowed his last bit of composure, “Then let me do it instead.”

  Mingyu:

He was only eating ramen. The activity wasn’t even remotely sexual but here you were, unable to switch your gaze from the boy. And it was his fault too because he had no right to look so sinful.

You knew that this needed to come to an end. Every time you were anywhere near Mingyu (all the time because you were both signed to pledis) you couldn’t keep your composure. You would just drool over him until someone called you out on it. Even then you would steal glances when no one (anyone) could see.

You moved your chopsticks around your lunch box looking back and forth between it and your crush. When you picked up some kimchi and his eyes followed your chopsticks, you decided that you weren’t really that hungry anymore.

“Do you want some?” that snapped him out of his daze as he looked at you and nodded.

He went to move his chopsticks to your food but instead you started bringing your own chopsticks to his lips.

Realizing that feeding was not the same as seducing, you knew that you had to do something else. You pretended that you couldn’t reach his mouth hoping that whoever was up there blessed you with acting chops. You fake sighed before scooting a little closer to Mingyu and putting your hand on his thigh.

He looked at his thigh but you softly cleared your throat and when he looked back up the food was centimeters from his mouth, your face inches from his own.

He raised his eyebrow at you as you fed him so you just smiled innocently. When he was done that bite and you didn’t move your hand that was on his thigh, he realized that something was up.

“Y/N, wh-” he started but stopped when your hand moved further up his thigh getting dangerously close to what he was now realizing was his “awakening” crotch.

You acted normal as you took a bite of your food then looked over at him and smiled. When you smiled, you squeezed his thigh and smiled even wider when Mingyu closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh.

You giggled, “You alright, oppa?” trying to pretend that your actions only affected him.

Your laughing quickly ceased when Mingyu opened his eyes and they were much darker than before. There was no longer any way that either of you could hide from each other.

(um hi sorry that this was trash but awakening crotch? what???)

The8:

You let out a long sigh as you laid next to an oblivious Minghao. He had no response even after you let out a longer, more exaggerated sigh.

Finally, you gave up on getting him to talk to you first, “it’s really hot today, right?”

“yeah,” was all that he gave to you so you had no idea how to hold the conversation.

“I don’t wanna get too tan, ya know?”  you raised your eyebrow at him, not even able to tell if the boy’s eyes were open because of his sunglasses, “Might just go inside.”

Minghao only hummed in response. You were feeling less and less confident about talking with the boy. For a few minutes, you stared and played at the hem of your cover up before getting a new idea cemented into your head.

If he doesn’t want to talk, you thought, then I’ll give him something to watch.

You crossed your arms and grabbed the hem of your shirt pulling up. When your shirt was halfway off you sent a loud yet relaxed moan to the boy hoping to earn his attention while you basically stripped.

Sadly, by the time your shirt was off you didn’t feel a set of eyes on you. You sighed and shook out your hair before flipping it and giving Minghao what you hoped was a better view.

When you caught him out of the corner of your eye, your heart stopped for a second.Minghao had both hands behind his head, flexing his biceps so much that you almost gasped.

Actually, apparently you did because soon the oppa was turning his head to see what was the matter. But he never got a chance to ask because before he could, he noticed your new lack of clothing.

You blushed under his gaze as he drank your body in but arched your back deeper anyway and pointing your toes to make your legs seem longer.

When  it he was silent for a long time you started to become self consious, “Minghao? Are you there?” you joked waving in his face.

“Hm? Oh, yeah, I’m fine, just having a,” he paused and bit his lip, “very good daydream.”

Seungkwan:

Seungkwan rubbed his eyes stumbling into the kitchen. He jumped silently when he flicked on the light and there you were sat on the counter finishing opening a cherry popsicle. Your presence wasn’t what made him nervous, just the fact that it was you.

You giggled at him and whispered, “Morning, sleepyhead.”

“It’s not the morning yet,” he motioned to the clock that read 23:53, “and why are you awake?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” you explained finally popping the frozen treat into your mouth.

“Mhm,” it seemed like the boy didn’t believe you, “it wasn’t because you wanted a midnight snack?” he asked as he walked past you and opened the fridge.

He peeked over the fridge door waiting for your answer but only found you taking a long lick up the side of your snack and sucking sweetly at the top. You watched him watching your lips intensely, “It seems like you’re enjoying my snack more than I am,” you giggled at him.

The boy blushed, his cheeks almost matching the bright red that was staining your lips from the inside out, “you’re a sight to see, Y/N.”

“Why only watch? You could feel if you wanted. But first..come taste,” you smirked at him and waved your frozen treat tauntingly.

The boy walked in between your legs on the counter and you took his hands placing them on your own waist. You brought the popsicle close to his mouth as he opened it before quickly snatching it away and bringing it back to your own lips.

Seungkwan didn’t even seem angry when you laughed at his confused face but the second that you removed the sweet from your lips, his lips replaced it.

In his opinion, you were the sweetest thing that he had ever tasted.

Vernon:

You laughed as you closed the door quickly, hearing the pillow hit it where your head would’ve been, “Is that everyone?” you asked your members who had been waiting for you.

Y/M/N hung her head in shame, “I’m sorry, onni, I couldn’t wake Hansol up.”

You nodded in understanding, “It’s okay, he sleeps all day long, I got him.”

When you walked into the room and only Vernon was there, you knew that the boys were planning something terrible. You didn’t focus on that though because here was this beautiful boy that you had liked for almost a month now and he was sleeping.

You moved close to his ear and traced your tongue over the shell of it before, “HANSOOOOOOOL!”

He literally didn’t even flinch. You frowned and stood up, disappointed. That was when you got the idea

You straddled the boy and sat up. After a deep sigh you tried the first option, You bounced up and down on the boy trying your best to wake him up, but when that didn’t work you had to do what you wanted to in the first place.

You put your hands on Hansol’s chest to steady yourself before rolling your hips over his ya know. You could see and feel him stirring awake so you continued your slow drawn out motions.

Just when you thought he wouldn’t wake any further and were about to give up, Vernon reached out and grabbed your waist.

You looked at his his hand before looking at him. When you did you met a wide awake Hansol with lust clouded eyes.

“I’m your oppa Y/N,” his raspy voice brought you up to the level of turned on that he was before he surprisingly flipped you onto your back, “So I’m in control.”

Chan:

“Chan, come look!” you called the boy in and quickly moved next to the bed with your other two members getting in position. You fluffed your hair and pulled your shirt before raising your arms and making a little gun and jutting your hip out. If one of your members smacked you on the ass, no one had to know. 

(this is the pose, idk if charlie’s angels is an american thing)

When he walked into the room you were all smiling big smiles at him while you shouted, “Happy birthday, Channie!”

The younger boy was speechless as he read the “Channie’s Angels” logo you had printed on the shirts. Thankfully, your shirt was the most visible so he was really forced to look at your shirt to read it. And you were not wearing a bra.

You and your members giggled getting up and hugging him. You hugged him last, making sure to press your chest extra close against his and when you backed away, you made your steps extra bouncy.

“Thank you, noonas,” Chan was smiling wide but blushing a ton.

“Hey guys, I have to give Channie his other present,” you winked at them and they giggled leaving the room. When they did you turned back to the younger boy, “Do you like them?” you asked him pushing your chest forward, “The shirts, I mean,” you clarified, although you didn’t truly mean the shirts. You wanted Chan to notice his new favorite part of you.

“Yeah, they’re really…really nice,” the boy sighed hoping that he wouldn’t seem perverted. He couldn’t help it though! Your nipples were piercing through the shirt as if you were a porn star and he had already pinched himself to see if it was a dream. And now he was alone with you and getting impossibly harder by the second, “You know,” he snapped himself back out of his thoughts, “you didn’t have to get me anything else. I’m really happy with this already.”

You smirked at him and turned around walking towards the bed, “This present really didn’t cost much at all, Channie,” you get down on your knees and reach under the bed for the gift, intentionally giving Chan a nice view of your ass before pulling out a little coupon book and standing up where you found Chan sitting on the bed with a pillow over his lap.

You giggled at him an handed him the gift, “Is this that free hugs thing? That is very sweet, noona.”

“Something like that you,” smiled and crawled onto the bed looking over the boy’s shoulder at the book.

Free oral from Y/N (redeemable any time)

Try any position w/ Y/N (redeemable during sex)

Anal! w/ Y/N (redeemable after giving 4+ orgasms)

Condom Free Sex w/ Y/N (redeemable once Y/N is on the pill)

“Y/N?” the boy sounded nervous and aroused.

“Yes, Channie?” you giggled.

“Is there a coupon to make you my girlfriend?” he looked you in the eye and now it was your turn to be nervous. He kissed the breath out of you turning around fully and cupping your cheek.

You broke this kiss to say, “There is but,” The boy stopped looking worried, “it’s only redeemable on your birthday.”

[mrsgojosatoru]

Was your buffy post sarcastic because it was completely wrong

No it wasn’t sarcastic and it fucking wasn’t wrong. Like usually I wouldn’t make a big thing about this, but I’m kind of pissed off 

1. the btvs fandom hates lesbians. 

Call Willow Rosenberg a lesbians and sit back and fucking WAIT for how long it takes for someone to go “no she loved oz!! she’s bisexual !!” despite the fact that Willow Rosenberg is historically a. a very important and iconic lesbian character. From a time when there weren’t lesbian characters like willow on tv and they certainly weren’t on NETWORK TV. Like there are three fucking paragraphs on her wikipedia page dedicated to the cultural impact willow had because she’s a lesbian. 

ALSO saying that relationships with men invalidate a woman’s sexuality is super harmful and toxic to lesbians who don’t know that they’re lesbians right from the start. Compulsory heterosexuality is a very real, very fucking hard to deal with thing and when people invalidate Willow’s sexuality they do invalidate the sexualities of every lesbian who has come out but has had a relationship with a man. Like no it’s not “just headcanons” or “just a tv show” those opinions are toxic. 

therefor - the btvs fandom hates lesbians. 

2. the btvs fandom hates buffy summers. 

literally you guys write and consume the some 50 fanfics where buffy apologizes to spike for “being a bitch” during season six and see nothing wrong with that ??? how about the fucked up power dynamic fics where Spike is buffy’s boss or her father’s boss or her step-father? What about the fics where she has to sleep with him to save the world or is under a spell? 

ALSO like the shit I have seen to excuse spike’s behavior is UNREAL. This post took FIVE YEARS OFF MY LIFE. like that post happened in the year of our lord 2016. Don’t try and tell me the constant need to excuse what Spike did to Buffy isn’t bred from hating women. Like if you can’t take the victim’s side in that??? how do you not hate women. 

ALSO PS. LIKE THESE ARE REAL THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT BUFFY  

3. the btvs fandom hates dawn summers

it took me 3 seconds to find a post last night hating dawn summers in the tag. also talk to literally anyone who watches btvs off tumblr and ask them what they think of dawn. i could make a post on facebook right now asking people what they think of dawn and my friend who introduced me to the series would go on a long rant about how she’s so annoying. 

ALSO PS THESE ARE REAL THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT DAWN. 

4. the btvs fandom hates women in general. 

see the three posts above. like honestly. just the way you treat buffy in relation to spike is proof that you can’t stand women. you don’t treat harmony as an abuse victim. if anything there seems to be a steady trend of harmony deserved her abuse. i’ve literally seen people blame dru for spike attemping to rape buffy instead of blaming spike. like ya’ll hate women. 

so this leads to 5. 

reading comprehension. that you can read a fic where 

buffy has to sleep with her father’s boss or her father will lose his job and think that’s not misogynstic is incredible. 

Or that you read a fic where s6′s AR is written out, and buffy apologizes for being a bitch and that’s not misogynistic. (over and over and over and over and over again. that fic is the groundhog’s day of spuffy fic)

 Or you love how infantilized buffy is and she can’t cook for herself (even though she made a thanksgiving meal while being attacked by vengeance spirits) so spike cooks for her (even though there’s literally no logical way that spike should know how to cook). 

or you have other women in stories like joyce constantly telling buffy to just give the mass murdering vampire who brags about killing slayers a chance and to stop treating him so poorly. 

um any au fic where willow ends up with a man instead of a woman is cursed and evil. and lesphobic. 

LIKE ALL OF THAT. IS RIGHT THERE IN THE FANFICTION. wHICH YOU HAVE TO READ. 

also i’m not responding to any long winded responses about how i’m wrong bc i hate that i had to type this much. and i sure as shit am not reading this much. like honestly if ya’ll want to be that lacking in awareness about the sludge pits of this fandom go for it. 

[ruwithmeguys]

What are overalll thoughts on Dinah from the past 2 episodes, 11+12? I still don't see why ppl are freaking out on a potential O/D? I think the writers are trying to set up a GA/BC partnership that lacked from the LL version of the BC. I thought it was interesting that felicity didn't trust her yet and called Dinah an unknown quantity. Still burned from Evelyn. So dinah now has to earn Felicity's trust and respect that was freely given to LL. Another strike against LL and her integration into TA

Sorry this took so long toanswer Anon – I’ve had a brutal shift change at work that no matter how hard Itry I can’t seem to get used to! I really wanted to have this posted BEFOREepisode 14 but oh well…

Here’s the low down: I neveronce thought they were bringing in a new BC as a way to redo the GA/BC romance.Not once. Technically it’s been done twice in the show and neither time endedwell. They’ve learned their lesson. Before I get into this (LIKE I DO WITHEVERY ASK) I just want to add something I’ve never had the chance to before.

The BC/GA romance in thecomics suited the comics. It was likeable. I’ve read some of it and have noproblem with saying that. But sometimes transferring from comic to screen hasthe opposite affect to what was intended. It didn’t help that KC’scharacterisation of LL was beyond hard-core judgemental and bitter in season 1- it was understandable why but she didn’t allow (plus her and SA’s chemistrywasn’t close to what was wanted) for much softness and when she DID she took itback with a vehemence and confusing twist to logic that left many a fan reeling- nor did it help that she wasn’t believable when the time came to arise as theBC. It also didn’t help that, as part of her contract, her character was madeto be unaccountably and unbelievably self-entitled and contradictory (I amreferring to the way she  did a 180before she died and the way they couldn’t kill her off or make her leave BEFOREshe became the BC). OR that, thanks to KC’s, her agent’s and the writers/producersinput, her character was reduced to two things in her time as LL & BC: anadrenaline junkie (an addict) and someone who couldn’t let go of the past, i.e.her and Ollie and her and Sara.

Way to reduce the heroicfigure of the comic version of BC.

But what do I mean by that?

‘Ollie’ was the love of LL’slife and she held that torch until she died (btw was actually painful to watchher say those words to Oliver only to have him keep silent; he NEVER SAID AWORD BACK- he couldn’t even give her a lukewarm ‘love ya too’ because itwouldn’t have been true). EVEN though we all know, because Stephen Amell confessedto it and because Oliver said on screen (plus he never told her he loved hertoo) that she wasn’t the love of his, she still kept to her season 1foundation. This lack of change, of progression, got her killed. That, in part,was KC’s accountability for never letting go of her season 1 moniker (mainfemale LI and character/budding hero) and the writers (or whoever’s job it wasto promote characters) error for never bringing her character forwards with therest of cast.

Even LL/KC knew in the endthat she had to go.

In many ways, her loyal fansseem to see the attention she’s gotten this season as tribute to her. Buthonestly, they should see it as more insulting than anything else. LL isreceiving more love and respect NOW – dead – then she ever did in life. She wasonly granted the Ollie/LL closure she should have had in season 2 in season 5after death and it was a literal rendition of ‘we would have never workedLaurel ; what we had died years ago’.

What the hell? Smack to theface.

Her (ugly ass) statue wasdestroyed by her doppelganger of all people, like they were saying it was timeto move on.

And notice how everyone canonly repeat how brilliant she was but can never give examples as to why theythink that?

Notice how LL/BC didn’t have anemesis. Not in 4 seasons did the writers ever grant her a bad guy of her ownwhich is the hallmark for hero’s on a TV show; if you get either a loveinterest or a storyline set apart from the other characters involving a battleyou fight and prevail through, it means you’ve made it as the female lead.

LL’s character failed inrepresenting the comic book BC many love.

Then along came Sara. CaityLotz man, she stole it.

In season 2 there’s a line LLsays to Sara and it FITS: “You stole my life.”

In a way she did.

It’s Sara who get’s Ollie/GA.It’s Sara who is the preferable BC. It’s Sara who gets her own TV show. ItsSara everyone wants back. It’s Sara who is able to progress, to have loveinterests and storylines. She was awesome.

Except… she didn’t work out onthe show either.

She was good in small doseswhich isn’t what we want in the female lead and for BC mantle. Her brand ofheroism didn’t fit with the show.

To a fashion, she temporarilyworked with Ollie/GA. But they couldn’t make it last: their romance was basedon the connection of their darker selves (believing no one else wouldunderstand or accept them) and, at times, lacklustre. There was no reason – notanywhere – for them to progress and the idea of that happening felt flat-outweird because the only reason why they started was because of their pasts.

And just like the LL & OQromance, they nipped Sara and Ollie in the butt. It had nowhere to go.

According to Stephen and MarcG, both of the above romances where based on the past, something that isconfirmed for the last time (because some fans won’t let it go either) inseason 5 when Oliver tells the Laurel hallucination that he could never loveher the way she wanted – that they would have never worked – because he was nolonger the man who she fell in love with. He died in the ocean.

Sara’s Ollie died in theocean.

Laurel had always been waitingfor him to come back, even after she donned the mask.

And notice that everyone whohas ever called Oliver ‘Ollie’ has died.

(Thea is exempt)

In Arrow, the past has to die.

I know Sara came back butaccording to the directors, she was missed so much they HAD to bring her back.Not LL, Sara.

Now, in its dullest terms it’s‘fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me’

No way are they going to makethat mistake again.

There’s another aspect to theGA/BC comic canon that doesn’t represent well.

On-screen, this pairing – theGA/BC part not the OQ/LL/DD part - are obnoxious. And by that I mean, they’reconstantly in competition with each other.

Like too much will andconviction onscreen at once; both figures fight for supremacy and it becomes abattle of wills that’s exhausting and often confusing to watch. It’s the Arrowshow not the BC and Arrow show.

Even when they weren’ttogether, LL and OQ fought constantly on opinions, on the reasons why they dowhat they do and how they eventually do them. She fought with him on how hedealt with Felicity being shot for God sakes. ‘How dare you be emotional when Ibrought my sister back and let her loose on the city and and and…’

SO did Ollie and Sara: onlywhen they split up this petered off and it turned into a friendship.

It seems with this new BC,Dinah, they’ve taken on board everything that didn’t work in the past and cutit out.

First, her backstory is -though redone/familiar - plausible.

Second, she – the actress andcharacterization - more believable.

Third, her relationship withOliver is exactly how it should have always been: she’s a team mate. Evenbetter, she’s learning from him. Not competing.

LL, even Sara to a degree,could not stand up to Oliver on the basis of experience. I know Sara was in theleague but learning how to be a professional assassin is a very different setof experiences and skills to the daily hell of discovering the monster withinthat Oliver had to face – alone - on his nomadic journey.

Notice how her first year onthe Amazo was spent being in the care of Dr Ivo?

Notice how his first year wasspent battling to survive with everyone trying to hurt him?

Notice how, when Sara wasbrought into the League, she had Nyssa the ENTIRE time to have some sembalncepeace in.

Notice how Oliver justcontinued to loose and infect the people around him with his growing darkness.

Notice how, when he was giventhe choice, he didn’t return home whilst she was never given one?

These are just a few examplesof their differences and I am not undermining the horrors Sara faced.

Those five years for Oliverweren’t one long lesson in being an assassin; it was filled with terrorism,violence, gang warfare, biochemical warfare, murder, vigilantism,sort-of-espionage, spying, missions and magic. And they weren’t five yearsspent building a grudge like with LL.

You can’t compare to thatexperience.

And LL tried to all the time.

Sara did when she was datinghim.

Both were repetitive and bothbecame irritating fast.

This new BC, listens. Learns.Watches. AND she’s totally badass on her own. She’s a female Oliver Queen andone day she’ll step out of his shadow and become her own hero. And when shedoes, FULLY, she’ll leave the team. They may team up in the future buteventually she’ll want to do things HER way and she’ll know not to rock theboat.

It’s so refreshing bringingher in because not only is she believable, not only do they give her courtesyof grieving the man she loved, not only is she physically capable, not onlydoes she fit in with the team, not only does she not fill the screen with pointlessmoments, not only does she not compete… she and Oliver have zero romanticchemistry.

A BC being placed on theromantic chemistry pedestal with GA on the Arrow TV show is like a deathsentence for the character, despite the actress. LITERALLY.

At the moment she’s getting toknow the team and Felicity recently gave her a mask which, as we all know, isArrow’s way of saying ‘okay, NOW you’re in business’. She’s been given thegreen light.

I think she’s also there tobalance the scales: Thea’s gone and so is LL/SL. SO is Evelyn. They needed awoman in there stat who could hold her own.

Like you said, not everythinghas to be about romance. A lot of people have decided that EVERY new femalecharacter on Arrow this year will be a love interest. It’s been super tiring towade through that kind of angst and I’m pretty sure it hasn’t made the watchingof it more enjoyable.

Stephen Amell doesn’t dobelievable romances with most actresses on Arrow anyway, other than Felicity.

And I believed in him andHELENA, more than I believed in him and Sara. Laurel.

The spiral needed to changeand change it did. They’ve made this new BC, this redo of BC/LL, a story onsecond chances and redemption. Oliver can give her the time and patience hewouldn’t give Laurel (and for that he’ll always feel guilt). But with this, hecan learn to let that go.

And hopefully, season 6 won’tbe a constant worship of a dead woman when, in life, no one really cared whathappened to her.

But I believe this new BC hasalready generated her own fans. Good luck to her.

(PS – with Stephen’s interviewthis week NONE of the above was necessary and I’m laughing)

[elizabethrobertajones]

About Destiel... Someone close to me who loves Spn and chat with me and all that but doesn't involve in Tumblr, or fanarts or whatever bc of man stereotypes (those are crap, really) told me yesterday that Dean was egocentric. I was like Are you fúcking kidding me, but he explained that there is a very thin line between hate and love, and for Dean to hate himself he had to have loved himself before, or something like that. I think it's interesting, so i wanted to know your opinion about this

Pfft, Tumblr cooties. 

I have to say I didn’t expect that logic to go where it did :P

I think Dean has a lot of anxiety and obvious self-esteem issues, but if I was going to look at him as being egocentric I’d be much more interested in examining his personal relationships than that… I’ve been musing on this while drinking my morning coffee (and sorry, this is going to be a headache & coffee reply :P) and thinking about Dean would ever have loved himself for that to turn into hate by that logic. 

I could think of 2 suggestions for how you could get to self-hate from there - the acceptably selfish love he’d have learned for himself as a kid while Mary was still alive (someone deserving of hugs and having the crusts cut off his sandwiches) and would have been destroyed under the burden of having to put himself second or third in the family unit, especially to Sam, once they’re on the road and he’s sort of raising Sam as the stand-in mother from age 4 onwards… Dean suffers from more and more extreme arcs about the loss of self, but the first “version” of Dean is one he lost early on and might have been the only Dean really able to uncomplicatedly love himself and believe himself worthy of that love, even if it’s in that way where to a 4 year old of course they’re the centre of the universe :P

There’s also a more complex thought I had and sorry, this is first thing in the morning for me so I hope I can explain properly… (Also this reply gets really long because of that… Sorry :P)

Looking at Dean’s self-loathing backwards, in how he ever expresses positive things about himself, I’m coming up mostly with all the snarky cutesy comments about how awesome he is and so on, which is pretty much always a great big helping of performing Dean. His self-worth is tied a lot into being a hunter (and he is occasionally sincerely proud of himself there), but overall that’s another persona, and the one he grew up into instead of the happy Dean with a normal childhood who might not have so many reasons to hate himself (Dean in 2x20, what you can gather about his personal life in the dream, is still completely affected by Dean’s own perception of himself so I don’t think it’s good data on how he’d live his life if he grew up with no monsters). 

Performing Dean, which that sequence at the end of 3x10 still shows best of any moment in the show, is all (when it comes down to it) something Dean acts under the expectation of what John would want or self-policed by what he thinks John would approve of. There’s an idealised version of Dean in his own head who is basically John or what Dean thinks John would have wanted him to be, and Dean’s lack of self-esteem is sometimes (dramatically) expressed in relation to feeling like he’s disappointed this spectre of John’s memory, and a great deal of his self-loathing comes from falling short of these standards. He’s definitely got better over time and learned to express himself more (by Dean standards) but his progress is always being interrupted, and this is such a core part of Dean I don’t think he can ever completely change it without altering his life in such a way there wouldn’t even be a show any more :P It’s not strictly “love” but it’s an idealised version of himself and also a key part of Dean’s sense of self and at least in the early seasons (before 3x10 let’s say :P) the version of himself he would want to love and live up to.

Anyway… idk about linking any of that directly to Dean being egocentric? I mean, that’s a reading you can make of him, I’m just not sure what part it plays. I should probably say immediately that I think Dean is very empathetic, and so that necessarily means in general he’s putting himself in others’ shoes when we’re looking at generic interpersonal relationships, plus the whole saving people thing, mean anything else I talk about, I’m giving Dean huge allowances here because I do think he’s kind and IN GENERAL puts others first, all the time. 

I know I have a tag about Dean being the centre of the universe, but for the most part I treat that as a joke on Dean where he doesn’t know it. On the other hand, the one major major time he exerts that power, in 5x22, he absolutely makes the entire apocalypse about him and his feelings and his need to talk to Sam before Michael and Lucifer fight, and uses that to save the world, so… Idk :P It’s not strictly a bad thing at all on a grand scale? Staying in season 5 for a minute (and sorry, Superwiki is not working right now so no quotes >.>), 5x11 explores Dean’s sense of the burden of the entire planet, and I think you could argue either way that he has an altruistic sense of having to save everyone, or focus on the “but why does it have to be him” thing, about how much he’s internalised that burden and in a way made it about himself. I feel like between his conditioning growing up to save people (and in season 1 he was altruistically the “saving people” side of “saving people hunting things” while Sam was the latter and revenge-focused) and the huge burdens the world puts on him, I don’t really think it’s fair to consider that Dean just happened to absorb this message because he’d be inclined to the idea of the world being on his shoulders, but that he is what the world made him especially with all the talk of Destiny and the feeling like no one else is remotely stuck in the cross hairs like they are. His reaction to being resurrected in 4x02 is skin-crawling horror that he’s been centred out for this sort of attention. When in big plot situations, his response can be read as egocentric, it’s not necessarily a criticism, especially as Dean is usually right, and it mostly gets the job done.

… Dealing with people, though. Idk, then it gets tricky :P Dean’s got a very strong moral centre and he expects others to hold up to his standards all the time. (I just watched through the end of season 6, and for example Dean arguing with Cas after the reveal is asking Cas to trust him and do as Dean says just because Dean believes it’s completely right and Cas is wrong. He doesn’t have any answers to help Cas this late in the game when they’re so deep into all these plans and disaster is looming and they’re out of time to deal with it, but in a way it’s almost like in 4x21 where Bobby’s telling Dean that Sam will die if they keep detoxing him, and Dean yells that at least Sam will die human - better to go out honourably than to betray yourself/Dean’s expectations of you. Being the moral core of the group DOES make it revolve around Dean’s principles, especially as he has a natural leadership to him and he can get used to what he says, goes. Like, in the latest episode, he makes the deal with Billie, and expects it to be about him when it comes to time to die… Mary getting between that abruptly shatters Dean’s centrality there, because the family unit is bigger than Dean and with so many more people involved in it, Mary and Cas hog all the drama of that moment, and in a way Dean only brought it to them. (And Sam, who only agreed to the deal, aside from badgering Dean to talk about it and getting shut down because Dean would clearly not want Sam to be the one to die, is also most used to operating under Dean’s rules and as the assumed survivor in Dean’s ideal scenario for that deal, had basically nothing to do with it aside from agreeing to a sketchy blood pact in the first place >.>)

Anyway watching through as far as I have (just watched 7x03) I do feel like I’ve been watching Dean’s moral authority grow and grow - as a response to trauma and to all the unimaginable situations he’s found himself in. Like the other characters, all the stuff that got them to the finish line in season 5, once in season 6 becomes much more dangerous and under the microscope for character development in a different way as the story switches from being sort of mythical to more about the interpersonal stuff. Dean by 7x03 has been shaken up by the ongoing problems with Sam, and Cas’s betrayal, and monsters that they don’t know how to kill, to the sort of place where his need for control, which was nurtured by all the apocalypse arc stuff by putting the burden directly on him, kind of now is definitely crossing over from a positive to neutral character trait to a definitely bad one… Honestly I feel like him ditching Sam and driving off to kill Amy because he doesn’t trust Sam is the real moment Dean snaps and sets off his arc that eventually leads to the Mark of Cain stuff, or Gadreel, which were all about Dean’s sense of control and his problems maintaining it that all play into his downfall arc as demon!Dean. (I honestly believe he’s so much more well-balanced in season 11 and 12 after all the character development Dean went through in season 10 - he was getting alarmingly zen and full of self-acceptance just before they pushed him  back over the edge… although it really needs a long view on it, like, I wasn’t certain for sure until 11x23 about how this was going for Dean, and he keeps doing stuff like these deals so it’s sort of like… he’s getting BETTER I’m not saying he’s perfect now :P) 

Anyway when it comes to Destiel, which I guess was the original reason you asked this based on your opening line… I think Dean DOES sometimes come across as egocentric - times when he puts himself or his problems first (the worst example being kicking Cas out of the Bunker). I’ve seen it argued a lot that Dean doesn’t really understand Cas to a certain level of Cas being vulnerable and/or someone he can really hurt this way, mostly because he has expectations literally to high Heaven about what Cas is and what he can do, and Cas is getting more and more human (only sometimes literally) but Dean has a lot of trouble bringing Cas down to his level. That “applications for sainthood” line about Dean and relationships is one of the best for looking at Dean and interpersonal relationships. That mixes HIS expectations (the egocentric side) with adoration and an expectation from others that he projects onto them, which is a much more selfless love but I guess no less dangerous when it comes to people disappointing him, because it comes as a blow to his entire world view. Like in 6x20 where Dean refused so long to think that Cas would betray them. Not just because Dean selfishly thinks everyone should do what he says (which is how it can come across) but because he truly believes those he loves would not do bad things. (Which also can explain his really extreme reactions to the bad stuff Sam does and Dean’s absolute reactions to it. In 4x22 when Dean’s moping about Sam to Bobby, Bobby calls Dean out on sounding like his father, which I think says a lot about where this behaviour in general comes from, again, all the absolutes and black and white thinking.) 

Anyway Dean said himself in 11x23 to Cas in the beer run, that he and Sam can get very caught up in their own stuff and forget to care about the things outside their problems, acknowledging how Cas had got a bit left to the wayside. I think that means Dean does genuinely struggle with this - and it’s now finally something that maybe they can really address after it was allowed to escalate so far over many seasons… historically almost every time there’s something wrong with Cas, Dean is slow on the uptake or it comes to smack him in the face he can’t be objective about it and generally makes the situation worse before it gets better (or swept under the rug into the growing pile of trauma Cas deals with >.>)… 

Now we’re getting some real Cas-focused episodes/a whole arc, and Cas’s problems are really out there again, I hope that means for Dean getting to face them properly as well and NOT reacting in the same way he often does. If there are far fewer issues around because all the plot has de-escalated a bit, HOPEFULLY that will let him focus on stuff outside himself? Like, though he didn’t react great to Cas leaving afterwards, when Cas actually announced he was going, Sam and Dean chased after him, and it was clear in that moment Dean genuinely was tuned in to something being up with Cas and without any other major problems to worry about that could take priority over that, and was concerned about Cas. 

I’m really hoping when it comes to Dean’s awareness of Cas’s issues he’s just had a huge wake up call, especially about how much Cas cares about them all, and while that was all about “the Winchesters” the show endlessly puts Dean n Cas just a little notch above everything else in that dynamic (Dean getting the more dramatic reaction to seeing Cas, sitting with him in the car, being the one to phone him, Sam as an outside observer to that and what Dean did and didn’t tell Cas… Even when all the language seemed to be very generically about the family as a whole, they are still singled out within it…)

But yeah, I’m not at all a bitter Cas fan who thinks Dean is cruel to Cas so I’m saying this out of wanting them to be better than they already are, not like this is a barrage of accusations levelled at Dean for being self-centred :P I try to always follow both their perspectives on a thing because there’s always huge misunderstandings. And sadly when Dean has a misunderstanding with Cas  he often lashes out at him, and that also makes it look in a lot of circumstances like Dean is being self-centred, where from his perspective he feels just as wronged by Cas and is already desperate and angry when they start a conversation (still thinking of season 6 and I guess their epic miscommunication in the end of season 7, or Dean’s lack of understanding in season 8 after the crypt scene, which is a moment that piles on a huge mess Dean’s already feeling so he doesn’t react out of the blue to randomly be angry with Cas when he shows up again…) Dean’s kind of terrible all round at interpersonal relationships… I’m very sympathetic to him there so it doesn’t upset me as long as I can understand WHERE he’s gone wrong. 

… I should probably stop talking here because I have no idea what you actually wanted here but I have been spewing way too many thoughts at you to no real conclusion… This reply is way too long but I can’t think how to cut it down aside from just not making entire points or not answering :P 

[unitedstatesvsdisbelief]

i’m... kind of annoyed. i’m just thinking about my cousin who i used to be very close with. incredibly close. i used to drive 3.5 hours away to see her & my aunt like AT LEAST once a month. sometimes twice or more. my cousin & i started really having issues probably 2016. maybe before but i couldn’t tell you, i don’t remember. i just remember her being SO personally offended by my political opinions starting specifically before & around the 2016 election. she always hated that i was a democrat and she always was very backhanded about obama but it wasn’t like, mean??? she just disagreed and would be a smart ass but like, not in a really hurtful way or at the time i didn’t perceive it as so. it got really personal during the 2016 election. it’s like every little thing i did and every single opinion i had she felt was a direct and personal attack on her. she deleted and blocked me on facebook, she would screenshot my political snapchats (which sometimes, i’ll admit, were posted with the intention of getting under her skin) i mean she literally just started to not like me?? because my opinions were so offensive to her. after having a close relationship with me all of our lives. like her political opinions to me?? deplorable, literally disgusts me to the very deepest pits of my core. SOME of her opinions literally made me feel unsafe, made me feel unaccepted. her treatment of me made me feel unloved. but i never once argued with her. i never once stooped down to her level. with every single fight she picked with me i just told her “hey, we don’t agree. that’s okay. we’re family, we don’t need to agree. agree to disagree.” before she deleted me even my own friends would stand up for me against her when i wouldn’t stand up for myself. if i didn’t fit this exact mold that she had put me in EVERYTHING i ever did offended her. it’s still that way. like no matter what i do, what i say, i’ll never be good enough for her. our relationship honestly hurt me more than almost any familial relationship i’ve ever had. she really made me feel inadequate and it really hurt me, all of it. i know logically that i am better off with out that kind of relationship in my life but there is a part of me that still feels incredibly hurt, incredibly small, etc. i don’t think it would even be so bad if it weren’t for her kids. i love those kids like they were my own. i still miss them every single day. genuinely every. single. day. if it weren’t for them, i don’t think being like ostracized by her would really bother me so much. i mean yeah it’d annoy me but not to the level it does now. now those kids think i am just another family member that doesn’t keep in touch, another family member that left them. and i hate that. it fucking kills me. bc i remember that shit from when i was a kid, with other family members. to go from seeing those kids more times than i could count a year to once in the past 11 months? it’s shit.

it’s not for lack of trying on my part. i’ve reached out to my cousin every single time i’ve been anywhere remotely close to where they live. left on read, radio fucking silence. could not be more clear that she wants nothing to do with me. she comes into town once every month or two to see her half sister (who i actually AM close with. despite the fact that she’s not my actual blood) but when they come in? she doesn’t reach out. hasn’t once tried to see me or my siblings. idk. i’m just harboring SO many bad feelings about her. i want to not care. i want to not be hurt, to not feel so worn down by someone who doesn’t think twice about my feelings. i have so many fucking feelings i’m sitting here at almost 4 am on the night before i have to get up for working writing PARAGRAPHS of it. she doesn’t even spare me a thought unless i’ve done something to offend her (like a few weeks ago when i was “disrespecting christianity” by posting a picture of the collection of jesus pamphlets we’ve saved up at my restaurant job from shitty/no tippers.

when i responded kindly, respectfully, offering up a genuine conversation over what she was accusing me of? left on read. never responded. she just wanted to fight. and that’s all it ever is really. all it’s ever gonna be again i guess. i’m not going to give up pieces of me to someone who would rather break me apart. the funny thing is i still stuck up for her all the time, if my dad says something backhanded. i still, despite how she’s treated me, have enough kindness in me to stand up for her. idk. like. cutting off her mom was different. cutting off her mom was like emotions sliced with a knife (we had a big falling out. she hurt me but due to her alcoholism. my cousin isn’t an alcoholic she just hates me because i’m

not who she thinks i should be. who she wants me to be. my aunt was just a fucking bitch. i cut her off the SECOND she hurt me. the moment she fucked me over it was over for us. i felt hardly anything. i miss who she used to be sometimes, sure. but i don’t dwell on it like i dwell on this. idk man, i’m gonna delete this in a few days once i read it all to my therapist lol i just really REALLY needed to externalize clearly. if any of you have any tips on how to not feel like shit bc your family is mean lemme know!! also to be clear, yes i hate her political views. but for family, there was still a piece of me who was willing to look past it, so that i could still be a part of their lives, of the kids lives specifically. idk if that makes me weak, or what.

if any of you /actually/ read all of this.. damn. you’re a real one. lots of love if anyone made it this far lol. sorry to clog ur feed with my bs

oh also one more bitch abt it all... she got mad at ME bc i didn’t tell her that i was bi. i came out on fb and to her mom (bc i was closer with her at the time) she made MY coming out about herself. and then tried to gaslight me when i was rightfully upset. i told her i wasn’t sure she would accept me.. which honestly??? isn’t crazy. with her views, the man she voted for. the president she fucking loves so much?? why would i feel safe coming out to her? god!!!! sorry i really will shut up now goodnight all