midnightzephyr

[midnightzephyr]

#4

like all weekends, my best friends and i would always go out and spend nights in a place located somewhere we all don’t know. a place that is distant from where we stayed in. somewhere vacant, with nothing but the ground and the sky, and the stars and the galaxy.

that one night was tiny bit different. apart from the guys brought girls along, and i wasn’t one of them. i was sort of lonely, even though i had the other guys with me. it just felt wrong somehow. it felt as if i should have brought my own girlfriend, a person whom i could snuggle and hug and pepper kisses all over without being judged.. but melancholically, i don’t even have a girlfriend. girls just didn’t want me more than just a friend. or maybe my standards are just too high.. i don’t know.

three of the guys had their girlfriends glued to their sides with arms wrapped around their waists, and the leader of the whole group brought his little sister. the thing that wasn’t magnificent was that the group of girls tagged along another one, another best friend to complete the whole squad of five. she wasn’t dating any of the single members, and it just so happens that i’ve always been in love with her.

basically the seven of us guys and the five girls, rode two vans driven by the ones we all trusted the most. i would have got into the truck we guys took on our way to meet the girls, but it ended up in a jumbled mess. the girlfriends sat with their boyfriends, and the leader’s little sister was elsewhere. i was startled when there were no seats left in that van, but i guess it was for the good.

i sighed and hung my head low as i trudged my way to the other vehicle, feeling worn out even before the trip even started. i kicked the air, honestly i didn’t even have a clue why i was so upset. it wasn’t the end of the world, i know.. but i just really didn’t feel like i was in the spirit to have fun. not at that time.

i reached the other van, it was placed merely ten feet from the other one, but it sure felt as if i walked ten miles. i grabbed the door and pulled it open, scanning around the vehicle for the best seat. i had multiple choices, there were a lot of empty seats in this van. i kept on glancing at the empty seats, i couldn’t make up my mind until..

“can’t you hurry up?“ james snorted and started the engine.

i wasn’t always the one who gets surprised the most, but his voice was so strangely loud i felt like my heart dropped. i got into the van and before i could even place my bum properly on a seat, he drove off in the speed of 100 km/h. who even drives that fast when you just started getting on the road?

i crashed onto an empty seat, but unlucky me, half of my body was pressed against someone. the upper half of my body pressured on the person beside me. she jumped in surprise, and i swore to myself i could have gotten my dick cut off if this girl was anyone’s girlfriend.

the movements in the van were inhumanly insane and i kept on hitting against the window, and to her. i couldn’t even sit up straight, not until the car slowed down on the highway to track down the other vehicle. that freak.. what was he thinking? did he want us all to die?

i finally got the chance to sit up and straighten myself. i brushed my hair off my forehead in annoyance and grunted in slight moodiness. i was mad, but crashing in the seat beside the window was a great thing. i held the sill before sliding the windoe open. the midnight breeze felt amazing, and the scent of the grass filled my nostrils. it was beautiful, the moon shone brightly and i’ve never thought it could be that ethereal. it was.. amazing. and it felt so close to me that i could just touch it, and feel it with the tips of my fingers.

but then i felt soft eyes pierce my head behind me. that’s when i realize that i should apologize to her, to the person i caused so much pain just because i couldn’t get a grip of myself.

i closed my eyes as i turned my head, praying to god she wasn’t anyone’s girlfriend or sister. but i prayed harder hoping that girl wasn’t her.. wasn’t the one that has a hobby of making my heart race. that would be so embarrassing.. ah i’m already blushing at the thought of her face.

i opened my eyes, and the first thing i saw were her irises. her dark eyes, reflecting the moonlight beautifully. i could see myself mirrored in her orbs, and no one can deny that she is the most beautiful creature god has ever created.

she was looking at the moon too, like what i was doing. it was rather stupid of me to think that she actually was looking at me, but when i stared in her eyes unintentionally, her pupils moved and focused on me. her head tilted slightly so it was aligned parallel with mine. our lips were far apart, but i was nervous as if she was close enough to kiss.

i attempted to apologize for the chaos, but my words choked me and i had trouble breathing for a split second. she got worried, her hands flew upwards and held me by the sides of my face. i didn’t know what she was trying to do, but all i knew is that the person i love is holding me tenderly, looking at me in the eyes with worrisome. i cannot not love her, she’s the greatest.

she asked me if i was okay, and i, unaware of what i was doing, remained still and stared at her. she repeated her voice, and finally i snapped back to reality. i nodded and gulped in the piling saliva in my throat before sitting myself back on the seat like any sane person would. this sure is going to be a long trip.

she giggled, and god i hope nobody had any superpowers that could read minds and hearts bcs i swore my heart skipped a beat. her laugh.. oh her gentle voice. i was so weak, and defeated. i was so in love i could honestly drown in a pool of her voice.

i stammered an apology. it was so hard to even say anything, ah i was a mess. i could feel it in my bones.

she pulled her hand and draped it on her thigh, intertwining with her other hand and squeezing them together. she replied saying it was okay. i knew it was not. at least i thought it was not. my heavyweight body pressed on her and crashed on her so suddenly, i was sure she was culture shocked by it.

i tried to maintain a relaxed posture and an empty mind, i tried my best to not tilt my head to my right and stare at her unknowingly. it was hard, and i was just so pressured by it but i knew i had to it in order for me to not seem like somekind of freakish stalker.

i stared outside the window, my eyes roamed across the empty road. the flowers were colourful even though it was dark. the moonlight reflected beautifully against the surface of the sea. the waves hit the shore rhythmically, and the smell of the cold midnight breeze was amazing. i couldn’t wait to get out of the van and lay on the sand. i missed nature, i missed being able to love and think about it freely. it had been a week, and it was torturous for me to be hooked up in the studios. but my stresses were getting lifted, my shoulders were coming to an ease and i can finally smile a distressed smile.

the sight was as beautiful as her. i still remember the first time i have ever encountered her beautiful smile. it was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, it also felt as if all my sins were washed away. she was that beautiful. the instant my eyes landed on her, i was loss for words. i choked on my drink when she first started a conversation, it was embarrassing and she laughed at me. but i knew that she knew she was beautiful.

it all started on that one day. daniel wanted to go to a coffee shop that morning to have a fun talk with his little sister since she was busy with her college life and he was busy in the studio. at that time i woke up to pee, but the water was so insanely cold i couldn’t fall asleep because my goosebumps were so high up it nearly touched the sky. he invited me along, and i supposed why not. i needed something to warm me up, and coffee should do the trick.

i bought espresso for myself, and daniel bought his own drink with a bagel. we sat down on a table of four, sitting side by side because he wanted her sister to seat opposite him. i didn’t care, i mean i was just there for coffee anyways.

it took her a couple of minutes to arrive, and daniel stood up to squeeze her in a hug. i was staring outside the window, until she greeted me and told me to get up. i was lazy, she knew how i was anyways so i was rather annoyed that she wanted me to stand up. however my instincts tingled saying to just get up, so i did it anyways.

she grabbed me by the elbow and dragged it in front of someone. she wore a pinkish peach cardigan, with a white shirt and white jeans. daniel’s little sister said my name, and another name. and i didn’t notice she was introducing us to each other until she grabbed my hand. all i knew was that her eyes are pretty, and her smile is too.

she grabbed my hand rather gently, and shook it a couple of times. her skin was so soft, and i didn’t have a clue anyone’s skin could feel that feather-like. it was as if she touched the clouds, and the essence of it seeped through her tissues. although logically i’ve never held a cloud in my life, but i know they are soft. the gases combined made it look like cotton, gentle cotton. and i wouldn’t need to wish to touch the clouds, all i need was to wish i could hold her hands.

i sat down and scooted to the window, giving space for my great friend to sit. she sat in front of me, her hands were grasping each other against the table. she had a couple of bracelets on, and the scent of her captivated my smell buds. i could barely smell the scent of the espresso anymore even if i place the lip of the cup against my philtrum. the smell of roses and jasmines, god.. she drove me insane.

she started a conversation, and she asked me the things no one has ever asked. she wanted to know about what my opinion on flowers, and what were my favourites. i didn’t know what to say, since it was a rare question and particularly i didn’t have a huge admiration for flowers. i didn’t want to say the truth of my not liking it, since she seemed so in love with plants and i just couldn’t cope with seeing her smile fade. so i ended up saying i liked it, and flowers are my escape even though honestly that will never be true.

she grew eager to know about my favourite plant was. i was reluctant in answering, i was afraid that flower didn’t even exist. i told her my favourite was.. what is it called? uh.. it starts with a c, and ended with a sis.. the name was so scientific, i was sure i just blurted that name because i couldn’t think. but then she said the flower suits me. she said coreopsis held the meaning of always cheerful, and that’s what i am.

ah.. that’s the name. coreopsis. i guess she mentioned the non-scientific name, but i forgot. i think it’s called thickseed? yeah, something like that.

she told me her favourite ones were mostly white. i forgot their names, but they held sincere and pleasant meanings. truthfully i didn’t know what she meant about the meanings of these plants, or whether she goes to classes or writes a dictionary about it. she seemed to know it all, and as she spoke her knowledge, i fell in love deeper and deeper.

the only thing i remembered was that she said someday she wants someone to send her a bouquet of baby breaths, nothing much, just that. she told me it meant everlasting love, and she told that it would be beautiful to have someone as thoughtful as that in life.

day by day, we talked more. she knew me by heart and in the end she got to know that flowers weren’t my actual escape. but she wasn’t furious, she was rather delighted. she wanted to tell me more about plants, and the beauty behind the language of flowers, as long as i was willing to listen. it was her anyways, i couldn’t resist. of course i was willing to listen and pay attention. her voice was as sweet as honey, and i could get diabetes if honey could bring diseases.

i grew more in love with her, and somehow a couple of months, or years maybe, we parted. she went abroad, to continue studying language and graduating in england. she changed her number, she didn’t contact me anymore. i would have asked daniel’s sister, but i was afraid if it turns out that she was done with me. i was afraid she didn’t want me to know more about flowers, and literature. so i avoided. but until this day, this exact second, the moment she’s sitting beside me again.. i still loved her the same. perhaps even more than before. she was right there by my side in the tight area inside the van.

the loud noises from the others in the van muted down as they all drifted to sleep. i, wasn’t even a glimpse tired. my eyes were wide open and my brain was fully functioning. i was sure the only ones awake were me and james. she was lightly snoring beside me, and i didn’t even have to glance at her face to know she still looks drop dead gorgeous even with saliva drooling down her chin.

the vehicle came to a stop, and the other van parked right beside ours. i looked outside the window, and adam was there grinning and raising his eyebrows. that jerk couldn’t be even more stupid, i was already embarrassed having to sit beside my beautiful girl the whole ride, and here he was poking me over the edge of a cliff. my cheeks were burning, it felt as if i was a volcano that was about to blast.

everyone woke up just before we stopped, so it didn’t require me cooing her name and shaking her gently to make her eyelids flutter open.

we got down and took our bags. i didn’t know where mine was since i wasn’t the one loading them. i went to the boot of the van i rode, but there were only tents and hammocks. who even brought that? there weren’t even trees here.

eventually i got my hands on my bag and helped them carry the tents and food. the guys built the tents and campfire while the girls gathered the food. i don’t have a clue what time it was, but i knew it was late enough for the temperature to drop low. it was freezing, and she couldn’t handle the cold. i knew it, i always caught her shivering.

the girls cooked and served, and we ate in our sleeping bags because it was too cold. it was really cold.. i had two jackets on and i still shuddered as the temperature hit my bones. i glanced at her, her small hands were pale and she held her meal in shaking hands. i just wanted to pull her tight in a hug, but she was stones away from me. ugh.

i tried my very best not to stare at her and instead join the conversation they all were having. but i couldn’t help it. sure, i was a laughing dumbass through the night, but i constantly caught myself glancing at her to take a glimpse of her beauty. why am i like that honestly?

after finishing our food and cleaning up, everyone took place and laid down in their sleeping bags. we all watched the sky, staring at the constellations and making out possible shapes. like there was one that looked like a horse one of our friends pointed out, and i spotted a combination of stars that looked like lily’s small hands.

slowly, each and one of them fell asleep. i was the last one, even though i didn’t get any sleep in the van but again.. i wasn’t even a glimpse tired. i smiled to myself, i was glad i could finally lay under the blanket of stars again. it’s great, i really felt alive at that time.

i glanced to my left and saw caitlin curled up in a ball beside adam. they always did that unknowingly, and when the guys and i told them how they sleep together, they protest. if only i could take a picture and prove it to them.. but i was too lazy to get my phone. it was in our bags inside the tents and i was already comfortable in my sleeping bag. guess i just really couldn’t care to bother.

i tilted my head to my right, and i saw her. my girl. well okay.. the girl i wished i could call mine. she was hugging her knees, and was leaning in my way. i don’t know how i could not notice that.. how in the world could i not even notice her body being inches away from leaning against mine? i didn’t even know she was laying down beside me.. what the fuck was wrong with me?

her eyes were closed and her lips were apart. her nose was slightly red, and so did her cheeks. she was cold and freezing. she was asleep, i knew that she was already in deep depths of her dreams, so i didn’t hesitate to turn my body and face her.

i laid on my side, my right arm folded and tucked under my head while my left arm hung low on my waist. i admired her beauty, i was falling in love with her all over again. she was different, she was definitely not like any other girl. she looked fragile, and delicate, like a flower petal of her favourite.

something struck into me and for some reason my left arm rose and my fingers danced against her cold lips. the strains of hair covered her face weren’t a bother to me because every inch of her was beautiful. there was no such thing as beauty covering beauty right?

my thumb rubbed against her cheek, and my index finger traced down the bridge of her nose. i could just touch her like this until the next life comes. i can just run my fingers through her until they get numb because i would never get tired.

she shuddered in cold, and without me realizing, i scooted closer to her. i don’t know if my eyes played tricks or they were being real, but her lips curved in a small smile. it was as if she felt the warmth in my body, even though i was cold myself but at least i could share my last drips of heat in me with the girl i loved the most.

i got closer, and she leaned nearer. her cute figure came closer to me and almost instantly, my arm pulled her tightly in an embrace. her face tucked in the spance under my cheek, and i could feel her breathing against the skin of my neck. she laid herself cozily there, and her fingers grasped the patch of clothing near the left side of my chest. i was sure she could feel my heartbeat, and i was sure she was smiling at how nervous i was.

she puffed out a small smile, and it was as if she was trying to tell me to relax. i reconsidered the thought of her actually sleeping.. maybe she was awake the whole time and noticed the way i stared at her sleeping and touching every structure of her face. i was doomed.

after some minutes and i was sure that my heart rate was reaching a normal pace, i tried closing my eyes. but still, i couldn’t drift off to sleep. she was in my arms, snuggled tightly and i was holding her tenderly. her fingers grasped my shirt and my fingers were tracing shapes against her back. it was surreal, i just wanted to yell and scream and shout and tell everyone about this.

i smiled and opened my eyes. i stared at her instead since i couldn’t get a slice of sleep. i didn’t want to miss an opportunity to look at her like this again. this was just a once in a lifetime experience.. i can’t lose it.

her small voice cracked but her eyes were shut. i wasn’t aware if she was conscious or just sleep talking, but somehow i wished she was awake still. i wanted her words to be true. i wanted her to say it again and again and kill me again and again. i wanted to hug her closer and kiss her lips and feel her hands on me because that would be the only thing that need to complete my whole life.

as she spoke her words, my grip around her tightened. i leaned my cheek against the crown of her head and my muscles under my flesh moved as i smiled.

“under the skies and above the grounds, i will always be yours,” she whispered delicately.

—

[midnightzephyr]

#3

the doctor told, he would call him in a couple of minutes. but it had been over half an hour. he would have came bursting through the door, but that would be disrespectful. and even if it wasn’t, he still wouldn’t do it. what if the doctor was giving her some kind of anesthetic gas or some kind of injection? he didn’t want to make the situation worse by merging so suddenly in the hospital room.

the nurse told him to go and eat supper, though most restaurants might have closed down since it was midnight. she knew he skipped lunch and dinner, she reckoned he was hungry from all the waiting. the doctor might take a longer time than expected, she said. but he refused to do so. he refused to leave because he swore he would be there with her through thick and thin. he choked on tears and asked the nurse permission to go in an empty room.

the nurse led him to a new room, the walls still smelt like paint and the other necessities still had the scent of silicone. he turned to the nurse, bowed down to her as a thanking sign along with a sweet but forced smile before proceeding to go inside the room. he sighed, and massaged the bridge of his nose and moved to his temples.

previously the nurse insisted on switching the lights on, but he requested her not to. he wanted a dark atmosphere, somewhere he could weep and not feel as if he was stared or looked over.

he trudged his heavy steps to the window and opened it. the cold air of a midnight in gwangju was all needed to make his eyes well in tears. the thin curtains were blown and covered his back. he crossed his fingers, he prayed to god the surgery would be okay. he was weak, he didn’t want this, no one would ever want this.

if god gave him a chance to choose who got into this mess, he would wish it was him. he kept repeating apologies for not being the one getting the minor injury even though things already passed and there was no use turning back time. however he never stopped apologizing, it wasn’t like she could hear him, but he just won’t stop pleading. it sounded like a deep prayer. his fingers interlocked together and his hands were caning his heavy head. his eyes were shut tight in high hopes he would wake up from a terrible nightmare, but he didn’t.

“it should have been you,” he whispered as he saw his reflection on the closed window.

he stared blankly at his reflection, hands searching their way to pull the other window and closing it tight. he was fucked up, his feelings were mixing altogether and he was lost. he felt like he was dying inside, he wasn’t sure of what there is. he was afraid but he couldn’t admit. he told her he was a strong, strong man. he promised he wouldn’t shed a tear throughout the relationship, but he was confused on what to do now. he was confused on what to think. he was terrified.

“it should have been you,” he repeated, fingers clawing the window sill.

“this is all your fault,” he whispered and saw his cheek glistened with a few drops of tears.

“if only you let her win. if only you didn’t pick up the fight,” his eyes moved from his reflection to his worn out hands that never stopped clenching each other. “you know she was right, she was never wrong,” now he scoffed and his neck rolled back in attempt to stretch his tightened muscles.

“if it wasn’t for you she wouldn’t have ran out. if it wasn’t for you she wouldn’t have got hit by that truck. god, if it wasn’t for you,” he choked on his words as he saw how much he was crying. he scrambled across his words in search of a proper sentence, he slapped himself, hard and abusively. he still wondered if he was in a bad, bad nightmare or if reality was ruining him as a whole.

“if it wasn’t for you,” he yelled. “she wouldn’t be unconscious!”

he forced open both of the windows and was on the urge on jumping, but there was no good in that. he yelled, he screamed, he was losing his mind because he couldn’t do anything. he wanted everyone in gwangju to know how much of a dick he was, he wanted the world to know that he was a jerk, a scumbag, a dumbass for being the fault of someone’s death, and that someone is whom he loved the most.

he just stood there and cried, his knees were feeling weak and he was falling. the only way that made him kneel was because his elbows were hanging on the sill. he was afraid of losing the light of his life, the person who gives joy to him. he feared losing her, he never expected this day to come; ever.

the nurse came rushing in the door and hurried to him. she had worry plastered all over her face. cold sweat were forming on her forehead, sticking some strains of hair on it.

“mr jung,” she called. “mr jung, please calm down.”

he turned to face her, cheeks and eyes looking puffier than eyer. blood vessels appeared clearly in his eyes. the tip of his nose was red. his whole face whispered fear.

“mr jung, it’s past midnight—”

“how is she?” he stopped her and stood up on his feet.

“i’m sorry but—”

“i am asking, how is she?” his voice trembled. he tried very hard to contain his anger and the nurse understood well enough.

“she is very ill, mr jung.”

he stared at her for a short while before walking in a fast pace to her ward. “mr jung, she is unconcious,” the nurse chased and successfully stopped him. she seemed worn out, certainly because he walked in a wider gap than her.

“the doctor advised you to not go in there until the ECG stops.”

“you’re saying i cannot go and see my girlfriend until she dies?” the nurse sighed and stared at her nibbling fingers. “miss, i am talking to you.”

he grew frustrated as the nurse wouldn’t talk so he wasted no time and darted into her ward. there, two more nurses stood up and kept repeating that the doctor would not let him see her. “nobody cares what the fuck the doctor says!” he exclaimed and the nurses bowed in apology before rushing out.

he stared at her, and his weight pushed him so he was leaning on the wall beside him. his world was crushed, she looked weak, and dead.

the nurse came back in, and tugged his sleeve. she walked in the ward and pulled a chair and a stool together. she sat on the stool and patted the other seat for him. he wiped his tears, his sleeve was crusty from the snot of crying. he walked and sat in front of the nurse, her face was filled with concern.

she sighed and placed a hand on his knee, which made him jerk but relax as soon after. “i know, it’s hard for you to think about it. she is my step sister, either way,” she whispered. and that was when it him, hard, in the face, with an electric saw.

“i’m afraid you don’t know me well,” she laughed. “i rarely meet up with her because i live in a different house.. i’m jenna, by the way.”

he was staring at her, and his eyes moved to his fingers. they were cold and his skin was rough, if his girlfriend was still here, she would force him to use her favourite rose-scented lotion. he looked at his dearly beloved, the one he adored and lived for the most. the ECG machine was slower than ever; she’s going to die soon.

“hey..” she called. “talk to me. what happened?”

he loathed, but spoke. his voice was full of tears and cracked at every pronunciation. his fingers ran through his hair and he sighed. “we got in a fight.”

“we got in a fight, it was restless. i yelled at her and she screamed back, it was at the point where none of us could hear each other,” he breathed.

“it was hard, and torturous. i was mad, i lost my mind. i love her so much, i was afraid of it,” he tossed his words and his sentences were repeating itself. the latter insisted him to explain what the fight was all about and rubbed his knee to soothe down his burning feelings.

“i accused her for cheating. i yelled at her, cussed at her, called her a slut because i was stupid. i was a jerk, i am a jerk.”

“sweetie,” her voice was gentle. “she was out with josh. josh is her stepbrother, and yes, he’s my brother. i thought it was better for you to know.”

he stared at the nurse and smiled, a bitter and cold smile. he shrugged, “she ran out. i didn’t chase her. it was raining, and all i heard was a loud noise coming from a truck. the whole accident was merely indescribable, i can’t believe my eyes.”

“jenna, i love her. with all my heart. if i could squeeze my heart and desire for her, i could feed an entire generation with it. her love shines through me, and i have never expected to stumble across someone as beautiful as her. she lights me, she waters me. she showed me what it was like to live in a different story and life. she gave me purpose to live, and i broke all the fragile pieces she lined up for me like a kid throwing a stupid toy.”

“everything has either a happy ending or a sad ending. and to the every sad ending, there must be consequences to it. everything has a reason and a purpose to happen. life might give you something better than her—”

“nothing is better, jenna!” he yelled, but it came out more like a hushed and forced whisper. his head was screaming at him. “nothing is better than the best! jenna, i’m a fuckhead. i pushed her off her limits while all she did to me was be the person i needed the most. i was wrong, i am shit. i could have started this over, but she’s dead.”

the stepsister puffed out a sigh and turned to face the ECG machine. she patted his knee gently and got up. “sit by her, it won’t be long,” she said and stood up, leaving the room.

he bit his tongue so hard he swore it could tear off. talking to her didn’t give him anything to be relieved of, she literally gave him more weight to carry in his drenched heart. a tear slipped off his waterline, and soon he realized he was crying again. he stood up and and carried the stool the nurse sat on before to the side of her bed.

he sat down by her and his fingers reached out for her hand. it was soft, like holding the petals of a rose. she never stopped using that rose-scented lotion, but even if she did, her hands were always this soft. like feathers. her hand didn’t respond to the touch, it was frozen and stiff. a tear fell off his eye.

he wished her eyelids would flutter open, like a butterfly fluttering it’s wings. she always looked beautiful doing it, especially in the morning, in bed, with the sheets covering her body with no clothes in between. she was beautiful, and magnificent. she was one of a kind and he loved her with all his might. another tear fell off his eye.

his thumb rubbed the inner part of her palm and massaged it, something she loved. now, he felt empty. she couldn’t leave just yet, she can’t leave. and another tear fell off his eye.

as the tear fell, it touched her wrist. that was when the ECG machine stopped, making a loud and long beeping sound. he gave the back of her hand a last kiss and stood up. he walked to the lights and didn’t look back. he couldn’t bear it. “i’m sorry,” he whispered.

although it was no use, even though it was like apologizing to a cold, grey statue, he needed to. “goodnight.”

he took one last glance at her dead body, and whispered where even himself could barely hear. “i love you.”

he switched off the light, and walked out the ward. leaving the hospital. leaving it all behind. leaving her.

—

[midnightzephyr]

#2

the afternoon was white and the weather was rather temperate. the windows were wide open and the sheer curtains were blown by the mild wind. she was in the living room, sitting in nothing more than a thin shirt two sizes larger with a pair of boxer shorts on the velvet cream sofa. with her legs folded firmly against her chest and her arms toyed with her own hair, she hummed sweetly to the tune of her new favourite song. palette.

“peppermint,” he remarked in a soft tone barely above a whisper, passing the heavy transparent mug to her cold hands. the heat from the tea warmed her, and she smiled tenderly as her humming came to a slow pause. her ivory fingers wrapped the glass and pulled it closer to her philtrum, sniffing the strong distinctive in pure bliss.

she looked up to him, eyes following every movement he made as he elongated his body on the couch, contracting the already limited surface area.

he groused to himself as he had to force himself back up, just because he left his tea on the coffee table. “you know i could just get that for you instead of you grumbling yourself up,” she laughed. he scratched the nape of his neck with no feeling of itch, simply trying to hide the slight stupidity his brain decided to make.

“anyways..” he queried. “how do you stand drinking berry tea?”

he attempted what seems like his second sip of the pinkish-red coloured brew, squinting in sourness as the acid acted up to his taste buds. “seriously,” he whined, shaking off the intense flavour.

“why didn’t you take green tea instead?” she asked, her hands travelling up to his parted hair and brushing a few strains back into place.

she drank her peppermint tea in small mouthfuls and placed her mug on the coffee table. she took his glass and placed it parallel to where hers was. staring at his eyes waiting for an answer that seemed to never come, her eyes darted directly at his tinted lips. “come on,” he mouthed. “kiss me.”

she laughed and grabbed him on both sides of his face. her nails digging into his hair, continuing with her fingers rubbing his ears. Her lips longed the taste of his. her tongue voraciously wanted to savour him.

he dominantly pushed her and sprawled her against the sofa, fitting himself perfectly in between her legs and arms. the kiss didn’t broke, instead got deeper. got hungrier. and got even more vigorous. his teeth pulled her bottom lip, earning himself a pleasing cry.

their tongues overlapped each other’s and the warm feeling of love spread across the room. it wasn’t the taste of the tea they drank that appealed, but it was the feeling of comfort and tender care of one another. the feeling of wrapping his fingers around her waist, the feeling of her running and clutching her fingers in the forest of his hair. It was those feelings that made it seem like home.

“though i must say, peppermint and berry don’t really go as well as i expected it would be,” he laughed.

her eyes curved as her lips formed a smile. it was the nicest thing to see in a breezy afternoon. the love of her life smiling above her after a long needed kiss. maybe.. that is what heaven is capable of.

he grabbed her by the waist and shuffled his movements so he was lying on the sofa with her lying flat on him. “you asked me something, didn’t you?” he reassured in the form of a question. his fingers traced loving shapes on her spine, where her light shirt exposed her skin.

“why didn’t you take green tea?”

“because..” he paused. “there was only one sachet left.”

she moved her head so she faced him fully. Her chin rested on his moving chest, a flustered look plastered on her face. “and so?”

“so?” he nervously tittered. “i knew how much you love green tea. Do you think i would actually drink the last sachet while i know it’s reserved just for you?”

“peppermint?”

“the one you’re drinking now is the last. i had a small internal fight with myself thinking if you preferred peppermint or green tea more today, but i just end up picking the sachet with my eyes closed.”

“and the natural ones?”

“i truthfully have no clue how you can drink those without adding sugar or creamer.”

“exactly my thoughts when you drink coffee,” she mumbled and snuggled into the crook of his neck. her nose brushed softly against his sensitive skin, her lips planting surprising pecks on it.

“well at least i put brown sugar in them. you’re inhuman.”

“there’s a tub of honey in the fridge for a reason.”

“peach?”

“strawberry is better.”

“then why didn’t you drink that one instead of the berry one if you knew that one is better?”

“well..” he simpered. “we need to go and restock your cabinet of tea. we’re only left with a sachet of green tea, a couple of berry ones and like..” he paused and his fingers counted in the air before adding, “and two or three natural ones.”

all she could do is laugh softly. grabbing his hand and toying with his fingers, she picked up the song she hummed to where she left off. palette.

—

[midnightzephyr]

#2

she untied the strings that wrap the apron around her waist and placed it on the counter. she went to the stove, turned off the heat and took the empty pot to place it in the dishwasher before proceeding to her bedroom which was accompanied by her love.

the day was great. even though it was only a few hours past sunrise but the weather simply spoke that it was going to be a great day. the beautiful leaves unattached from the branches of tress, piling on the ground looking ever so breathtaking. the colours of the leaves mix well and complimented the view, it just looked so nice; and the breeze wasn’t too cold either, it was.. just right.

the stove had two pots on it, one of them was half filled with some carbonara pasta while the other had some pumpkin pureé leftovers— which was placed in the dishwasher previously. it was a pretty good brunch menu, since people were coming and she had to prepare something extra special and memorable for the guests.

she walked to her room, which had the door ajar. she stepped closer and pushed the door open, smiling to herself as she spot her boyfriend under the sheets. the lump shifted and curled up tightly in a ball, which seem to appear adorable and heartily huggable. she leaned on the wall, admiring him from a few meters. her heart skipped a beat when he said something, something inaudible. she couldn’t catch what he mumbled but.. he was still asleep.

her bare feet lightly took steps and knelt down beside the bed. his face was flat on the pillow making his lips form a silly pout. his eyes were shut, eyebrows twitching for some apparent reason. his dark, silky hair was ruffled from the friction he got for moving too much during his sleep. gosh, he looked so handsome.

she embraced the beauty of him, everyday accepting that this beautiful human being is hers, no one but only her love. it was tight in the heart because in mornings like this where he was still in deep slumber and she was admiring him, she kept on thinking what it was to be left. she feared being alone, ever since what happened when she was a child, she never opened up.

until she met him.

he stirred closer to her and she was not sure if the guy is actually still in dreamland or if he is in reality. she loathed, but eventually stuck her hand out and caressed his cheek, his soft and milky skin. her fingers danced lightly and brushed off the hair that covered his eyes and brows. she admired him, so much that it hurt her inside.

“stop thinking so much, babe,” he mumbled but it was clear enough for her to catch the words. his eyes were still shut tight. his raspy voice mixed with the deep sound of sleep, she was so in love with those little things.

she stuttered a short eh, feeling some blood rushing to her cheeks and redden the apples of it. she tugged her hair behind her ear, even though there were no strains of hair sticking out. her hairpins secure tightly her hair and there was absolutely no piece of hair out of place.

“do you think i don’t know what you think of when you’re staring at me?” he chuckled and slowly rose his eyelids.

“i— i thought you were still asleep..”

“i may enjoy sleeping but i enjoy spending time with you more,” he said. “don’t you ever think that again, whatever you were thinking of. you know i won’t leave you.”

her breath muffled slightly and her words choke her. she was lost in words, there was nothing that could be uttered out other than an apology.

he stared at her and shook his head. his face muscles move up and form a gentle smile which spoke to her that things are okay and will always be okay. “come here,” he whispered and she scooted closer, faces only a few centimeters away.

his right hand rose and led itself to her hair. he undid a hairpin, and a few strains of hair went misplaced. he undid another hairpin, and more strains went down. he undid more, and the rest, and lastly he undid her bun. he pulled the elastic band, careful not to pull her hair and hurt her scalp. he ran his fingers through her hair and the bun fell out of place.

her long hair fell to the sides, covering her face and his too. he smiled as less light got through the little tent they built. his smelling reseptors were filled with her cherry-scented hair he always loved. he stretched his muscles and puckered his lips to kiss her, but she moved back and teased him a little bit.

he whined and pouted, looking a little to adorable for a man who spits fire on stage. she giggled and came back closer, touching his nose with hers and colliding their lips for a soft and passionate kiss. it didn’t last as long as she wanted it to, but he grabbed her by the arms and pulled her closer so her body was rested on his.

they wrestled in bed and tickled each other for a couple of moments before they breathed in tired breaths. “can we stay in bed a little longer?”

“no.”

“but— ”

“your parents are coming for brunch, remember?”

“but we have like two more hours for brunch.”

“don’t fake as if you don’t take an hour for a bath, darling.”

he stared at her for a while, pleading her with puppy eyes but it didn’t really work on her. she laughed, poking him in the belly and sat up. “get out of bed, lazy pants.”

“lazy pants, huh?” he got up without her noticing and grabbed her by the back of her knees. he took her bridal style and jogged his way to the toilet. “if you can’t spend time with me in bed, can we spend time in a bath?”

—

[midnightzephyr]

gentle reminder for when you feel demotivated

there’s nothing wrong with feeling demotivated, so please don’t punish yourself for that – everyone, even the most successful people in the world, can fall into a slump

you can do it

i believe in you

it’s not going to be as bad as you think

don’t place too high expectations on yourself, especially when you’re feeling low

set small and specific goals – little steps are always important

print out or write down what you need to do and put that note where you know you’re going to see it

set yourself a specific time for when you’re going to start working on something, but don’t put too much pressure on yourself if you’re unable to

see what others are doing and achieving, and use that as motivation instead of comparing yourself to them and putting yourself down

call for help from others to cheer you on when you can’t do it on your own

counter your negative thoughts with positive ones

think about the benefits of doing the task, instead of the difficulties it will take to get there

take deep breaths and take a step back when things become too overwhelming or the stress takes over (here’s a written breathing exercise, or a gif you can breathe along with)

take breaks, don’t overload yourself

if you think that your schedule is becoming more and more of the same thing every single day, that can heavily impact your motivation - so try your best to try something new, or even just do something that you would usually do in a different way, or with a different outlook; it doesn’t matter if the change you make is big or small, because every attempt goes towards progress

when you’ve completed what you needed to, or even just worked at it a little bit, make sure to congratulate yourself, because you’re trying and i’m so proud of you for that

try your best, because your best is good enough

you got this

[midnightzephyr]

reminder that it is okay to sit there and cry your heart out, that doesn’t make you weak, it just means you’ve been strong for too long and you need a break and thats okay, take your time, you’ll get through it. I believe in you.

[midnightzephyr]

jeongguk wearing namjoon’s jacket

[midnightzephyr]

#9

the afternoon was white and the weather was rather temperate. the windows were wide open and the sheer curtains were blown by the mild wind. she was in the living room, sitting in nothing more than a thin shirt two sizes larger with a pair of boxer shorts on the velvet cream sofa. with her legs folded firmly against her chest and her arms toyed with her own hair, she hummed sweetly to the tune of her new favourite song. palette.

“peppermint,” he remarked in a soft tone barely above a whisper, passing the heavy transparent mug to her cold hands. the heat from the tea warmed her, and she smiled tenderly as her humming came to a slow pause. her ivory fingers wrapped the glass and pulled it closer to her philtrum, sniffing the strong distinctive in pure bliss.

she looked up to him, eyes following every movement he made as he elongated his body on the couch, contracting the already limited surface area.

he groused to himself as he had to force himself back up, just because he left his tea on the coffee table. “you know i could just get that for you instead of you grumbling yourself up,” she laughed. he scratched the nape of his neck with no feeling of itch, simply trying to hide the slight stupidity his brain decided to make.

“anyways..” he queried. “how do you stand drinking berry tea?”

he attempted what seems like his second sip of the pinkish-red coloured brew, squinting in sourness as the acid acted up to his taste buds. “seriously,” he whined, shaking off the intense flavour.

“why didn’t you take green tea instead?” she asked, her hands travelling up to his parted hair and brushing a few strains back into place.

she drank her peppermint tea in small mouthfuls and placed her mug on the coffee table. she took his glass and placed it parallel to where hers was. staring at his eyes waiting for an answer that seemed to never come, her eyes darted directly at his tinted lips. “come on,” he mouthed. “kiss me.”

she laughed and grabbed him on both sides of his face. her nails digging into his hair, continuing with her fingers rubbing his ears. Her lips longed the taste of his. her tongue voraciously wanted to savour him.

he dominantly pushed her and sprawled her against the sofa, fitting himself perfectly in between her legs and arms. the kiss didn’t broke, instead got deeper. got hungrier. and got even more vigorous. his teeth pulled her bottom lip, earning himself a pleasing cry.

their tongues overlapped each other’s and the warm feeling of love spread across the room. it wasn’t the taste of the tea they drank that appealed, but it was the feeling of comfort and tender care of one another. the feeling of wrapping his fingers around her waist, the feeling of her running and clutching her fingers in the forest of his hair. It was those feelings that made it seem like home.

“though i must say, peppermint and berry don’t really go as well as i expected it would be,” he laughed.

her eyes curved as her lips formed a smile. it was the nicest thing to see in a breezy afternoon. the love of her life smiling above her after a long needed kiss. maybe.. that is what heaven is capable of.

he grabbed her by the waist and shuffled his movements so he was lying on the sofa with her lying flat on him. “you asked me something, didn’t you?” he reassured in the form of a question. his fingers traced loving shapes on her spine, where her light shirt exposed her skin.

“why didn’t you take green tea?”

“because..” he paused. “there was only one sachet left.”

she moved her head so she faced him fully. Her chin rested on his moving chest, a flustered look plastered on her face. “and so?”

“so?” he nervously tittered. “i knew how much you love green tea. Do you think i would actually drink the last sachet while i know it’s reserved just for you?”

“peppermint?”

“the one you’re drinking now is the last. i had a small internal fight with myself thinking if you preferred peppermint or green tea more today, but i just end up picking the sachet with my eyes closed.”

“and the natural ones?”

“i truthfully have no clue how you can drink those without adding sugar or creamer.”

“exactly my thoughts when you drink coffee,” she mumbled and snuggled into the crook of his neck. her nose brushed softly against his sensitive skin, her lips planting surprising pecks on it.

“well at least i put brown sugar in them. you’re inhuman.”

“there’s a tub of honey in the fridge for a reason, jeon jungkook.”

“peach?”

“strawberry is better.”

“then why didn’t you drink that one instead of the berry one if you knew that one is better?”

“well..” he simpered. “we need to go and restock your cabinet of tea. we’re only left with a sachet of green tea, a couple of berry ones and like..” he paused and his fingers counted in the air before adding, “and two or three natural ones.”

all she could do is laugh softly. grabbing his hand and toying with his fingers, she picked up the song she hummed to where she left off. palette.

—

[midnightzephyr]

Some words to use when writing things:

winking

clenching

pulsing

fluttering

contracting

twitching

sucking

quivering

pulsating

throbbing

beating

thumping

thudding

pounding

humming

palpitate

vibrate

grinding

crushing

hammering

lashing

knocking

driving

thrusting

pushing

force

injecting

filling

dilate

stretching

lingering

expanding

bouncing

reaming

elongate

enlarge

unfolding

yielding

sternly

firmly

tightly 

harshly

thoroughly

consistently

precision

accuracy

carefully

demanding

strictly

restriction

meticulously

scrupulously

rigorously

rim

edge

lip

circle

band

encircling

enclosing

surrounding

piercing

curl

lock

twist

coil

spiral

whorl

dip

wet

soak

madly

wildly

noisily

rowdily

rambunctiously

decadent

degenerate

immoral

indulgent

accept

take

invite

nook

indentation

niche

depression

indent

depress

delay

tossing

writhing

flailing

squirming

rolling

wriggling

wiggling

thrashing

struggling

grappling

striving

straining

[midnightzephyr]

[arguing]

jk: jimin-hyung is so short jm: at least i kissed a girl unlike someone jk: actually i have kissed one jm: forget it ur mom doesnt count jk: yeah? but yours does

[midnightzephyr]

[midnightzephyr]

it’s just sad that jungkook read every sentence of the song and tried to understand the meaning and charlie puth couldn’t even get his name right

[midnightzephyr]

i’m so in love with jungkook

[midnightzephyr]

me: say it. those three words and I’m yours.

jungkook: chong jojun balsa

[midnightzephyr]

lil pup just wanted his hyung’s attention

[midnightzephyr]

[midnightzephyr]

Under The Stars - Taehyung (His P.O.V)

title ; Under The Stars

pairing ; Taehyung x OC

genre ; i don’t consider this as fluff but it’s sweet love

word count ; 3.8K

a/n ; ok i was supposed to write this as a simple drabble but god forbid me to keep it short

—

like all weekends, my best friends and i would always go out and spend nights in a place located somewhere we all don’t know. a place that is distant from where we stayed in. somewhere vacant, with nothing but the ground and the sky, and the stars and the galaxy.

that one night was tiny bit different. apart from the guys brought girls along, and i wasn’t one of them. i was sort of lonely, even though i had the other guys with me. it just felt wrong somehow. it felt as if i should have brought my own girlfriend, a person whom i could snuggle and hug and pepper kisses all over without being judged.. but melancholically, i don’t even have a girlfriend. girls just didn’t want me more than just a friend. or maybe my standards are just too high.. i don’t know.

three of the guys had their girlfriends glued to their sides with arms wrapped around their waists, and the leader of the whole group brought his little sister. the thing that wasn’t magnificent was that the group of girls tagged along another one, another best friend to complete the whole squad of five. she wasn’t dating any of the single members, and it just so happens that i’ve always been in love with her.

basically the seven of us guys and the five girls, rode two vans driven by the ones we all trusted the most. i would have got into the truck we guys took on our way to meet the girls, but it ended up in a jumbled mess. the girlfriends sat with their boyfriends, and the leader’s little sister was elsewhere. i was startled when there were no seats left in that van, but i guess it was for the good.

i sighed and hung my head low as i trudged my way to the other vehicle, feeling worn out even before the trip even started. i kicked the air, honestly i didn’t even have a clue why i was so upset. it wasn’t the end of the world, i know.. but i just really didn’t feel like i was in the spirit to have fun. not at that time.

i reached the other van, it was placed merely ten feet from the other one, but it sure felt as if i walked ten miles. i grabbed the door and pulled it open, scanning around the vehicle for the best seat. i had multiple choices, there were a lot of empty seats in this van. i kept on glancing at the empty seats, i couldn’t make up my mind until..

“taehyung, can’t you hurry up?“ seokjin snorted and started the engine.

i wasn’t always the one who gets surprised the most, but his voice was so strangely loud i felt like my heart dropped. i got into the van and before i could even place my bum properly on a seat, seokjin drove off in the speed of 120 km/h. who even drives that fast when you just started getting on the road?

i crashed onto an empty seat, but unlucky me, half of my body was pressed against someone. the upper half of my body pressured on the person beside me. she jumped in surprise, and i swore to myself i could have gotten my dick cut off if this girl was anyone’s girlfriend.

the movements in the van were inhumanly insane and i kept on hitting against the window, and to her. i couldn’t even sit up straight, not until seokjin slowed down on the highway to track down the other vehicle. that freak.. what was he thinking? did he want us all to die?

i finally got the chance to sit up and straighten myself. i brushed my hair off my forehead in annoyance and grunted in slight moodiness. i was mad, but crashing in the seat beside the window was a great thing. i held the sill before sliding the windoe open. the midnight breeze felt amazing, and the scent of the grass filled my nostrils. it was beautiful, the moon shone brightly and i’ve never thought it could be that ethereal. it was.. amazing. and it felt so close to me that i could just touch it, and feel it with the tips of my fingers.

but then i felt soft eyes pierce my head behind me. that’s when i realize that i should apologize to her, to the person i caused so much pain just because i couldn’t get a grip of myself.

i closed my eyes as i turned my head, praying to god she wasn’t anyone’s girlfriend or sister. but i prayed harder hoping that girl wasn’t her.. wasn’t the one that has a hobby of making my heart race. that would be so embarrassing.. ah i’m already blushing at the thought of her face.

i opened my eyes, and the first thing i saw were her irises. her dark eyes, reflecting the moonlight beautifully. i could see myself mirrored in her orbs, and no one can deny that she is the most beautiful creature god has ever created.

she was looking at the moon too, like what i was doing. it was rather stupid of me to think that she actually was looking at me, but when i stared in her eyes unintentionally, her pupils moved and focused on me. her head tilted slightly so it was aligned parallel with mine. our lips were far apart, but i was nervous as if she was close enough to kiss.

i attempted to apologize for the chaos, but my words choked me and i had trouble breathing for a split second. she got worried, her hands flew upwards and held me by the sides of my face. i didn’t know what she was trying to do, but all i knew is that the person i love is holding me tenderly, looking at me in the eyes with worrisome. i cannot not love her, she’s the greatest.

she asked me if i was okay, and i, unaware of what i was doing, remained still and stared at her. she repeated her voice, and finally i snapped back to reality. i nodded and gulped in the piling saliva in my throat before sitting myself back on the seat like any sane person would. this sure is going to be a long trip.

she giggled, and god i hope nobody had any superpowers that could read minds and hearts bcs i swore my heart skipped a beat. her laugh.. oh her gentle voice. i was so weak, and defeated. i was so in love i could honestly drown in a pool of her voice.

i stammered an apology. it was so hard to even say anything, ah i was a mess. i could feel it in my bones.

she pulled her hand and draped it on her thigh, intertwining with her other hand and squeezing them together. she replied saying it was okay. i knew it was not. at least i thought it was not. my heavyweight body pressed on her and crashed on her so suddenly, i was sure she was culture shocked by it.

i tried to maintain a relaxed posture and an empty mind, i tried my best to not tilt my head to my right and stare at her unknowingly. it was hard, and i was just so pressured by it but i knew i had to it in order for me to not seem like somekind of freakish stalker.

i stared outside the window, my eyes roamed across the empty road. the flowers were colourful even though it was dark. the moonlight reflected beautifully against the surface of the sea. the waves hit the shore rhythmically, and the smell of the cold midnight breeze was amazing. i couldn’t wait to get out of the van and lay on the sand. i missed nature, i missed being able to love and think about it freely. it had been a week, and it was torturous for me to be hooked up in the studios. but my stresses were getting lifted, my shoulders were coming to an ease and i can finally smile a distressed smile.

the sight was as beautiful as her. i still remember the first time i have ever encountered her beautiful smile. it was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, it also felt as if all my sins were washed away. she was that beautiful. the instant my eyes landed on her, i was loss for words. i choked on my drink when she first started a conversation, it was embarrassing and she laughed at me. but i knew that she knew she was beautiful.

it all started on that one day. namjoon wanted to go to a coffee shop that morning to have a fun talk with his little sister since she was busy with her college life and he was busy in the studio. at that time i woke up to pee, but the water was so insanely cold i couldn’t fall asleep because my goosebumps were so high up it nearly touched the sky. namjoon invited me along, and i said why not. i needed something to warm me up, and coffee should do the trick.

i bought espresso for myself, and namjoon bought his own drink with a bagel. we sat down on a table of four, sitting side by side because he wanted her sister to seat opposite him. i didn’t care, i mean i was just there for coffee anyways.

it took her a couple of minutes to arrive, and namjoon stood up to squeeze her in a hug. i was staring outside the window, until she greeted me and told me to get up. i was lazy, she knew how i was anyways so i was rather annoyed that she wanted me to stand up. however my instincts tingled saying to just get up, so i did it anyways.

she grabbed me by the elbow and dragged it in front of someone. she wore a pinkish peach cardigan, with a white shirt and white jeans. namjoon’s little sister said my name, and another name. and i didn’t notice she was introducing us to each other until she grabbed my hand. all i knew was that her eyes are pretty, and her smile is too.

she grabbed my hand rather gently, and shook it a couple of times. her skin was so soft, and i didn’t have a clue anyone’s skin could feel that feather-like. it was as if she touched the clouds, and the essence of it seeped through her tissues. although logically i’ve never held a cloud in my life, but i know they are soft. the gases combined made it look like cotton, gentle cotton. and i wouldn’t need to wish to touch the clouds, all i need was to wish i could hold her hands.

i sat down and scooted to the window, giving space for my great friend to sit. she sat in front of me, her hands were grasping each other against the table. she had a couple of bracelets on, and the scent of her captivated my smell buds. i could barely smell the scent of the espresso anymore even if i place the lip of the cup against my philtrum. the smell of roses and jasmines, god.. she drove me insane.

she started a conversation, and she asked me the things no one has ever asked. she wanted to know about what my opinion on flowers, and what were my favourites. i didn’t know what to say, since it was a rare question and particularly i didn’t have a huge admiration for flowers. i didn’t want to say the truth of my not liking it, since she seemed so in love with plants and i just couldn’t cope with seeing her smile fade. so i ended up saying i liked it, and flowers are my escape even though honestly that will never be true.

she grew eager to know about my favourite plant was. i was reluctant in answering, i was afraid that flower didn’t even exist. i told her my favourite was.. what is it called? uh.. it starts with a c, and ended with a sis.. the name was so scientific, i was sure i just blurted that name because i couldn’t think. but then she said the flower suits me. she said coreopsis held the meaning of always cheerful, and that’s what i am.

ah.. that’s the name. coreopsis. i guess she mentioned the non-scientific name, but i forgot. i think it’s called thickseed? yeah, something like that.

she told me her favourite ones were mostly white. i forgot their names, but they held sincere and pleasant meanings. truthfully i didn’t know what she meant about the meanings of these plants, or whether she goes to classes or writes a dictionary about it. she seemed to know it all, and as she spoke her knowledge, i fell in love deeper and deeper.

the only thing i remembered was that she said someday she wants someone to send her a bouquet of baby breaths, nothing much, just that. she told me it meant everlasting love, and she told that it would be beautiful to have someone as thoughtful as that in life.

day by day, we talked more. she knew me by heart and in the end she got to know that flowers weren’t my actual escape. but she wasn’t furious, she was rather delighted. she wanted to tell me more about plants, and the beauty behind the language of flowers, as long as i was willing to listen. it was her anyways, i couldn’t resist. of course i was willing to listen and pay attention. her voice was as sweet as honey, and i could get diabetes if honey could bring diseases.

i grew more in love with her, and somehow a couple of months, or years maybe, we parted. she went abroad, to continue studying language and graduating in england. she changed her number, she didn’t contact me anymore. i would have asked namjoon’s sister, but i was afraid if it turns out that she was done with me. i was afraid she didn’t want me to know more about flowers, and literature. so i avoided. but until this day, this exact second, the moment she’s sitting beside me again.. i still loved her the same. perhaps even more than before. she was right there by my side in the tight area inside the van.

the loud noises from the others in the van muted down as they all drifted to sleep. i, wasn’t even a glimpse tired. my eyes were wide open and my brain was fully functioning. i was sure the only ones awake were me and seokjin. she was lightly snoring beside me, and i didn’t even have to glance at her face to know she still looks drop dead gorgeous even with saliva drooling down her chin.

the vehicle came to a stop, and the other van parked right beside ours. i looked outside the window, and jungkook was there grinning and raising his eyebrows. that jerk couldn’t be even more stupid, i was already embarrassed having to sit beside my beautiful girl the whole ride, and here he was poking me over the edge of a cliff. my cheeks were burning, it felt as if i was a volcano that was about to blast.

everyone woke up just before we stopped, so it didn’t require me cooing her name and shaking her gently to make her eyelids flutter open.

we got down and took our bags. i didn’t know where mine was since i wasn’t the one loading them. i went to the boot of the van i rode, but there were only tents and hammocks. who even brought that? there weren’t even trees here.

eventually i got my hands on my bag and helped them carry the tents and food. the guys built the tents and campfire while the girls gathered the food. i don’t have a clue what time it was, but i knew it was late enough for the temperature to drop low. it was freezing, and she couldn’t handle the cold. i knew it, i always caught her shivering.

the girls cooked and served, and we ate in our sleeping bags because it was too cold. it was really cold.. i had two jackets on and i still shuddered as the temperature hit my bones. i glanced at her, her small hands were pale and she held her meal in shaking hands. i just wanted to pull her tight in a hug, but she was stones away from me. ugh.

i tried my very best not to stare at her and instead join the conversation they all were having. but i couldn’t help it. sure, i was a laughing dumbass through the night, but i constantly caught myself glancing at her to take a glimpse of her beauty. why am i like that honestly?

after finishing our food and cleaning up, everyone took place and laid down in their sleeping bags. we all watched the sky, staring at the constellations and making out possible shapes. like there was one that looked like a horse hoseok pointed out, and i spotted a combination of stars that looked like jimin’s small hands.

slowly, each and one of them fell asleep. i was the last one, even though i didn’t get any sleep in the van but again.. i wasn’t even a glimpse tired. i smiled to myself, i was glad i could finally lay under the blanket of stars again. it’s great, i really felt alive at that time.

i glanced to my left and saw yoongi curled up in a ball beside hoseok. they always did that unknowingly, and when the guys and i told them how they sleep together, they protest. if only i could take a picture and prove it to them.. but i was too lazy to get my phone. it was in our bags inside the tents and i was already comfortable in my sleeping bag. guess i just really couldn’t care to bother.

i tilted my head to my right, and i saw her. my girl. well okay.. the girl i wished i could call mine. she was hugging her knees, and was leaning in my way. i don’t know how i could not notice that.. how in the world could i not even notice her body being inches away from leaning against mine? i didn’t even know she was laying down beside me.. what the fuck was wrong with me?

her eyes were closed and her lips were apart. her nose was slightly red, and so did her cheeks. she was cold and freezing. she was asleep, i knew that she was already in deep depths of her dreams, so i didn’t hesitate to turn my body and face her.

i laid on my side, my right arm folded and tucked under my head while my left arm hung low on my waist. i admired her beauty, i was falling in love with her all over again. she was different, she was definitely not like any other girl. she looked fragile, and delicate, like a flower petal of her favourite.

something struck into me and for some reason my left arm rose and my fingers danced against her cold lips. the strains of hair covered her face weren’t a bother to me because every inch of her was beautiful. there was no such thing as beauty covering beauty right?

my thumb rubbed against her cheek, and my index finger traced down the bridge of her nose. i could just touch her like this until the next life comes. i can just run my fingers through her until they get numb because i would never get tired.

she shuddered in cold, and without me realizing, i scooted closer to her. i don’t know if my eyes played tricks or they were being real, but her lips curved in a small smile. it was as if she felt the warmth in my body, even though i was cold myself but at least i could share my last drips of heat in me with the girl i loved the most.

i got closer, and she leaned nearer. her cute figure came closer to me and almost instantly, my arm pulled her tightly in an embrace. her face tucked in the spance under my cheek, and i could feel her breathing against the skin of my neck. she laid herself cozily there, and her fingers grasped the patch of clothing near the left side of my chest. i was sure she could feel my heartbeat, and i was sure she was smiling at how nervous i was.

she puffed out a small smile, and it was as if she was trying to tell me to relax. i reconsidered the thought of her actually sleeping.. maybe she was awake the whole time and noticed the way i stared at her sleeping and touching every structure of her face. i was doomed.

after some minutes and i was sure that my heart rate was reaching a normal pace, i tried closing my eyes. but still, i couldn’t drift off to sleep. she was in my arms, snuggled tightly and i was holding her tenderly. her fingers grasped my shirt and my fingers were tracing shapes against her back. it was surreal, i just wanted to yell and scream and shout and tell everyone about this.

i smiled and opened my eyes. i stared at her instead since i couldn’t get a slice of sleep. i didn’t want to miss an opportunity to look at her like this again. this was just a once in a lifetime experience.. i can’t lose it.

her small voice cracked but her eyes were shut. i wasn’t aware if she was conscious or just sleep talking, but somehow i wished she was awake still. i wanted her words to be true. i wanted her to say it again and again and kill me again and again. i wanted to hug her closer and kiss her lips and feel her hands on me because that would be the only thing that need to complete my whole life.

as she spoke her words, my grip around her tightened. i leaned my cheek against the crown of her head and my muscles under my flesh moved as i smiled.

"kim taehyung, i’m yours,” she whispered delicately.

—