xiayunz

[xiayunz]

Music

After listening to a bunch of song through out life, I feel I’m still found of Asian music, especially the old ones, like J-pop or game back ground, and some HK and K-pop songs. they just got a different style, sometimes slower and more relaxing

[xiayunz]

Feeling gratitude

I’m thankful I found the job I’m doing right now, they really taught me a lot, and my manager thinks for me.

I’m a person that’s always skeptical towards other people, and have run into problems with people. But in the end everything works out because people around me are friendly towards me. I should not focus on negative aspect of things and focus on the positive.

I feel by the end of the contract I would be learning so much, and would be a more confident person.

On top of that I found many source to learn more in life. Things will get better, I just need to do things one step at a time

[xiayunz]

Thoughts on book: Liar’s Poker

Lately I’ve been starting to read, and I feel it would be fun to share my thought on books I read.

This book “Liar’s Poker” by Michael Lewis, really walk me through one aspect the the financial industry, many years ago I tried to read it but couldn’t read through the whole thing, because there are so many terms I don’t understand, and there are things they are describing that’s about the financial industry I don’t know of.

Last year I took a course on Canadian Securities, taught me a lot about how to capital flows and the tools to help make money flow between people who lend it and people who borrow it. Which is a big part of what the book Liar’s Poker is talking about, this book is about the epic rise and fall of mortgage bond in USA in the 1980s. It talks about how and why did that market rise, and brings benefit to this trading company called Salomon Brothers, and how it falls in Salomon Brothers.

In the beginning I thought it’s a book about the main character’s adventure in the industry. Turns out it’s just a part of it. the book spent most of the chapters describing the bigger picture, and some what talks about how the main character fits in to the story in a humorous way.

It really opened my eyes to a different world. Although if you have no knowledge for the security market, it can be difficult to understand.

[xiayunz]

questions on this equation

[xiayunz]

Waiting

Everyday I live my life as if you are not here, I sing, I read, I search for job, I take a nap, as if I'm alone.

Everyday I live my life as if you are here, I ask for your opinion, while walking, laying down, sitting, I imaging you are next to me.

I'm getting used to live this way, at the same time the fear of I might never see you again sadden me.

But I told myself to be patient, the most romantic moment will happen if I don't force it to happen, if it happens in the most unexpected way.

Today I'm still living this way, my brother made a dumpling without meat in it, he purposely put one piece of flour in side another piece of flour to make it look like a dumpling with meet, and my dad ate it feeling angry there's nothing inside. It's very funny. Everyday there's funny things like this happening, to live like this day by day, nothing would ever go wrong with living this way

[xiayunz]

Reading thoughts

Lately I’m reading this book that gives me a lot of pleasure. I feel like living another life through these characters. I should definitely do this a little more. other than that, seeking for job is not easy.

and there’s mystery how my story will end. I miss him, I miss them, but will there ever be an encounter? I don’t know. I escape into the book and job hunting, seeking peace in these things.

Most people in the book have successfully been with their lover, which made me feel a little bitter sometimes. I wish my dream can come true as much as the characters in the book.

[xiayunz]

My one hour emotional routine, and it repeats through out the day

[xiayunz]

In hell

[xiayunz]

via @extramadness

[xiayunz]

[xiayunz]

Sometimes I don’t know if trying is the right thing to do.. Some people, don’t ever interact, don’t ever contact, and what was there before stays strong as before even though time pass by. Interaction is risk, because you never know if the new memory will make the old ones stronger, or it would make them disappear, and to people who cares, the most painful thing is something beautiful is fading away in dramas and new mess. Do you want it bad enough to see it die? is your believe strong enough to keep it alive? How much pain can you tolerate?

[xiayunz]

Sometimes it feels sensitive, and it hurts, sometimes it feel numb, and feels like it’s far away. I don’t know if it has anything to do with what I do, or what he feels. I rather feel hurt, it make me feel like I still have feelings. Sometimes I let myself go and have some fun, comes after is worry. Worry it would damage something really fragile. I know I should be grateful but this don’t feel like something very happy, it’s not happy

[xiayunz]

My selfish desire

[xiayunz]

Uncomfortable

Maybe he hated me, I feel so uncomfortable, this is a bad feeling, watching the show is not gonna help me, lately I’ve been numbing myself by watching shows, maybe it’s because I’m not working hard enough, but I rarely have something I liked, which is the show, that’s why I’m constantly watching it. Why do I have to live with such a negative feeling, why should I be judged by him, why should I care about what he thinks? and John is not replying me again, which I hate, and tingting is not replying me, which make me feel bad. I feel I’m constantly living with these uncomfortable feeling, what’s these people’s problem?!

[xiayunz]

This is a new piece of art I did, let me talk for a bit. Lately I like this boy, but I already decide I’m not gonna try to do anything, because he can be my imagination, but I still want to wait, wait for miracle to happen, I guess wait is a action too, it’s just a passive action. I don’t want any more action to damage the feeling I have for him, or what he feels for me. So all I can do is wait. But I’m not gonna just do nothing, I plan to live a better life, everyday give a little effort to live a productive day. 

I also got a new dream, which is to work for a game studio in Japan, from now on that’ll be my goal. 

As for entertainment I’m now watching a TV show about fighting corruption, I think I really like shows like that, which is about detective stories or solving political problems, I wish there’s more shows like that

[xiayunz]

Lately I like this boy, he’s very energetic and he’s unpredictable, I have no plan on how to make him like me, or have any ideas in my mind, I just like him the way he is, and there’s nothing I can do, I feel a little helpless, and I don’t want to ruin the subtle feelings that’s there right now, I don’t want to damage the feeling, I want to protect the feeling we have right now, which is innocent, I’ll just keep on being myself, and let life lead me

[xiayunz]

This is the monkey king I did for the game I'm making, also testing to connect Instagram with tumblr