#i think i handled that well but just the reminder that ppl like that exist is grrrr

[thickest-slimiest-malware]

grrrrrr

[velvetvexations]

Ppl act like gender essentialism (the man/beard brand) is necessary to keep women safe but even that scenario could actually make them less safe bc it downplays the danger of bears, which I think also illustrates the issue I have with true crime. When you're taught as a woman that there are certain dangers that are the worst (be it men or serial killers or rape as the very worst thing that could possibly happen to you), you might underestimate dangers that appear less obvious to you like wild animals, unpreparedness, inappropriate equipment, lack of spatial awareness, going alone when you're inexperienced, heat exhaustion bc, dangers from other animals or bugs bugs (where I'm from in Europe we need to get vaccinated against tick-borne encephalitis, my father didn't, got it & almost died).

I'm from a culture that's big on hiking & hiked a lot pre-transition, mostly with a cis male best friend, and I never had a bad experience with other ppl (except maybe when someone didn't say hello, very impolite) but we did get lost pretty badly once on a new trail with no phone signal & that was scary. I was always safer in the woods with men around bc if there are ppl, you know you're on the right path & won't get lost! Also it you get injured & can't walk or god forbid lose consciousness, you want other ppl there to help you. I also worked at a homeless shelter (pre-transition as well, they all knew me as a short, not at all threatening looking woman) and that taught me to shake off the fear I had of homeless people, men especially, because they too are just ppl & it was bigoted of me to have my gut instinct tell me I was in danger when I saw a homeeles man just existing or behaving erratically in public. It was classist, ableist & was not in fact justified just bc I was navigating the world as a woman.

Yes, keep yourself safe, but actually learn to recognize potential dangers & how to handle dangerous situations, don't just rely on your gut instinct.

I also think we can absolutely teach ppl how to keep themselves safe around other folks without resorting to gender essentialism & sex profiling simply by focusing on behaviors instead of gender presentation.

This would serve to protect trans & queer ppl with a masc appearance/presentation including non cispassing trans fems/women, trans mascs/men, non-binary & multigender ppl, intersex folks, even cis gay men, who are also at a higher risk of being assaulted than cis straight men and yes, even straight men, who are also capable of being victimized. Because nobody is truly safe from violence & abuse, we all need to know how about dangers & be able to get protection from others in our communities!

That reminds me of what I've been talking about recently where someone blamed a fixation on punitive justice on people being tricked into it by white supremacist background radiation in Western culture when it's actually just an apolitical fault of the way human brains are wired that goes back to the earliest human civilizations. And like, granted, this is the third time I'm bringing that post specifically up so maybe I'm overexaggerating the issue because I don't follow that kinna discourse closely, but especially in conjunction with transandrophobia discourse I feel like there's this trap of viewing the things you face as cosmic forces rather than mere sociology, you know?

[wilcze-kudly]

I know your recent post abt Amon is meant to be silly but it reminded me of something that was so frustrating in the fandom. So many ppl missed that Amon is a demagogue, and he’s *meant to be* wrong about what divides the city. Amon talking about “bender privilege” obfuscates the real issue, in the same vein as Republicans in the U.S. attacking immigrants for ‘stealing our jobs’. If anything benders are poorer on average-it gives them more of an incentive to work shitty jobs like the lightning plant. Plus, having him be right about societal issues makes Korra defeating him nonsensical. Sorry to rant lol, I just still get mad that a large part of the fandom didn’t understand that “bender privilege” is made up and not a real issue for Korra to address (tbf many of these ppl did so bc they liked to pretend that Asami was worse off than Mako & Bolin)

No, I mean you're right? I think that the concept of the bender/nonbender divide certainly exists.

Like while we see trained nonbenders be able to go toe to toe with benders, between regular civilians benders will still have the upper hand. This is probably why so many triads seem exclusively focused around benders.

And benders are preferred as police officers, soldiers, etc. So if we're talking being able to push an issue by force, benders certainly have an advantage.

On the other hand, however...

I can see 'bending-based' jobs being paid pretty low since you could classify is as unskilled manual labour, I assume? Another reason is that bending is probably seen as a very much physical/combative skill and since benders have been mainly sought out by militaries, it could be so that benders are just seen as less likely candidates for "regular" jobs. Benders are also seemingly a minority in the world, which could perhaps actually lead to certain prejudices against them.

I really liked the idea of focusing on bending/nonbending relations, Amon's storyline just doesn't cut it? Like for all the talk of benders oppressing nonbenders and being "impure", the only examples we see of nonbenders being oppressed is a misguided response from Tarrlok, renown corrupt politician.

And I know that benders can oppress and cause harm to nonbenders, it was explored in "Imbalance", which I think handled the concept much better.

It does really feel like Amon is spewing empty words, especially that he posits himself under a false identity, presenting himself as a fellow nonbender and victim to benders.

Part of me wants to think Amon truly believed what he was saying, since being forced to learn an invasive form of bending like bloodbending at a young age could certainmy give him an aspect of self loathing.

But the more cynical part of me feels like he was just using a unique talent, charisma and manipulating a disgruntled majority into fearing and hating a minority. Tale as old as time.

Which is dissapointing, since Amon really was set up as a super interesting character with an intriguing mystery surrounding him and amazing presentation.

I have my own ideas and concepts for rewriting Amon's storyline but most of them would jive with established canon and go into the "tlok rewrite" folder in my brain lol.

And honestly, it seems like wealth is a big reason for the unrest in Republic City. Like what's up with the concerning amount of homeless orphans who probably end up working with triads to survive, like Mako, Bolin, Skoochy and probably countless more did.

And the wealthiest members of Republic City society seem to all be nonbenders. Varrick, Hiroshi and Asami, probably the cabbage corp guy too.All nonbenders. And I get it, just because one person from a demographic made it, doesn't mean that the demogramic is well off as a whole but would it kill them to show us a millionaire levitating a rock or something?

Also for some reason I was really annoyed with Hiroshi Sato's "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" story I wanted to punch him. He's obvs fire nation just let him bebefit from the wealth given to him by potential colonis ancestors. Republic City is super americanised so it would totally be on brand. Like they can't all be self made I'm calling bullshit.

[daemon-in-my-head]

1 and 7 for the new asks 😊

Thank you those are the spiciest ones lmfao. Answering my latest abomination.

1. Your hottest Durgetash take. The kinda heat Gortash had to endure in HoH. (But be respectful about it fellas, this means everyone)

I mean this in the nicest, most respectful way possible, but: the durge story line in game is absolute and utter trash I'm so sorry. The absolute lack of reactions from ur companions, the fact that there's no consequences from them except Wyll and the 2 guys you met literally 5 minutes ago, the sudden shift of tone in Act 3 when Durge remembers who they r and immediately goes 'I'm daddy's lil princess and yall can smd'. It's just infuriating atp. Like I love Durge and I do appreciate the vagueness cuz it allows for a lot of topics to be brought up but none of them r really tackled by a game thats praised for handling trauma in a tactful manner. They're made to be the laughing stock and comedic relief and honestly it's just distasteful when you recall that a lot of ppl with certain types of trauma or addiction issues can so greatly relate to them. There was a lot of dark shit they could've expressed with that origin. And they did. But it was cannibalism and necrophilia for the sake of sensationalism and slapstick comedy.

As for Gort it's the remote work I've talked about b4 lmao. They rly just banished the most powerful political leader of the Gate from the Gate and made him work remotely from a shabby fortress outside of the city he's ruling. I know why they did it, I can understand it, but it's still hilarious and probs a hot take cuz like yk that man wouldn't reside there if it wasn't for the scrapping of the upper city.

7. Would Orins premature death have impacted them and their dynamic? How? Why? Why not?

Okay, so first up, there's smth ya need to know to understand this. Elli had a sister, and even if they weren't blood related he considered his foster family to be his, well, family and loved them. And that man, at least pre tadpole, is pretty much aware of what happened when the urge awakened and how he's the very thing he couldn't protect his treasured people from, despite that being his greatest desire.

So in other words, he's 10000% projecting the sister he's killed onto Orin. He's lenient with her and protective over her. To him, she's the sister he could and will save. She's the last bit of family and treasured people he has left. So if anything were to happen to her, he'd snap. Because that man is utterly traumatised and he simply wouldn't be able to deal with another loss like that, but he's also the type to run away so he'd just become the perfect pretty puppet Bhaal would've always wanted and simply cease to exist as a person, wholly devoting himself to the plan just so he can escape this dreadful hell he's forced to live in ASAP. Which, in turn, would also destroy everything Gortash enjoyed about him. Elli would remove himself to the best of his ability and simply become someone following orders without thinking, smth Gortash enjoys in everyone but his equal, which would cause him to withdraw as well. They'd just kinda get miserable by themselves again, completely terminating whatever was before. Cuz Gort can't see Elli breaking to such a degree thx of his own issues and him being a permanent reminder that Gort himself isn't safe even after everything, and Elli simply has 0 capacity for any sort of attachments left. 'If he's gonna lose them anyway, might as well not forge them in the first place' kinda mindset.

Now, if Gortash somehow had his hands in that, and Elli would find out however... Well, Elli considers death to be a mercy, so Gort would probably live to see his age turn three digits, all while he suffers from the Bhaalspawn's wrath. Seeing all he's ever built crumble and fall for no other reason than the elfs spite and desire to destroy the one who took his sister. Like that man would grind Gort down to the point where Gort would even consider his time in HoH a walk in the park, all while Elli ruins himself as well cuz arguably the second he loses someone else he'd absolutely discard any attachments to life and staying alive too. His motivation to obey Bhaal was the promise of control and protection, and without someone left to protect, he'd have no reason left to make sure Bhaals plans don't go up in flames.

If he hadn't lost his memories Orin would still be alive nd thriving simply cuz Elli couldn't kill her and would instead either protect her or die for her sake, no doubt abt that.

[jaaankiey]

leafpin headcanons, go.

ME WHEN... WHEN ANYBODY TELLS ME TO TALK ABOUT LEAFPIN !!!111!!!!!111111

jus a reminder that how i hc leafy and pin strays faaar from canon (i feel like a lot of ppl that come to this blog are already aware of that but i do be stressing this b/c i don't want to blindside people 💔)

sorry they are like my angry little meow meows, your honor

but CIRCLING back to the actual question here we go, the sheer LIST of headcanons that exist in my mind forever:

i mentioned it like numerous times but the height difference,,, leafy is tall while pin is short

related 2 above headcanon, but this means leafy is much faster than pin (because longer legs means longer strides). leafy often lets pin piggyback on her so they can get to places faster. a lot of other objects tend to also be taller than pin so leafy will like give her a bit of a boost there too.

leafy has a long mental list of silly pet names to call pin. not all of them make a lick of sense, but as stupid as these names get, pin just really enjoys them.

pin doesn't really use pet names for leafy other than leafster.

leafy goes through phases of interests on really random things. i had a silly oneshot planned where she gets super into horses and how silly they are as animals. typically, pin does her best to provide her girlfriend a lot of enrichment in these times even if that means sitting and listening to leafy's hourlong lecture about horse coat colors.

pin definitely has a hard time expressing or communicating her emotions because she is constantly set on "resting bitch face" mode. leafy always helps her put a name to what she's feeling.

they're big cuddlers. they always wake up in each other's arms (real)

speaking of sleeping, leafy takes all the blankets for herself because she gets cold easier. pin gets hot too easy so shes ok with it

leafy is literally the only one pin listens to wholeheartedly. to others, pin often just dismisses them or zones out entirely.

pin lets leafy win at tic-tac-toe as well as other games

in terms of their temperaments, leafy is much slower to anger compared to pin. this allows leafy to pacify pin whenever its needed

leafy is the only one able to read pin's absolutely HORRID handwriting

leafy is good at artsy stuff. pin isn't except for cartography stuff.

winter is a tough time for them. it's pin's favorite season because she can handle the cold easily, but its dampened by the fact that leafy goes through hibernation. it always turns out ok and she does it because there's not enough sun for her to be awake, but it REALLY stresses pin out. she's extra overprotective over her plant gf during this time.

pin comforts leafy when she's upset. she does it with lots of snuggles, compliments, and little treats to snack on. when leafy feels better, pin proceeds to beat up whoever made her sad in the first place.

pin has a bad habit of forgetting her own well-being. she WILL give up life and limb if it means leafy will be safe in the end. this affects all aspects of her life and leafy often has to sit her down so she can rest. this is especially very important whenever pin is injured or sick b/c she will absolutely not give herself enough time to heal.

leafy doesn't feel safe sleeping alone, she has to be next to pin or else she'll have some major sleeping troubles.

they just LOVE to gossip with each other. think the plastics in Mean Girls with their burn book. yeah, that, but only between them.

i could go on but i think the list is too embarrassingly long now 💔i hope u enjoyed these anon

[aechaz]

AB / BG / CP / PP.

hi everyone! this is isa (23, she/her) coming to u live with park aecha, a soloist under culture creative. direct links above will bring u to her pages, but i'll do my best to breakdown her background below. i have discord available upon req, but i can plot thru tumblr as well!

somewhat of a standard, subpar childhood tbh. born out of an affair btwn her mother and her father's (?) best friend in l.a. and it's something that sticks with her constantly: a reminder that she really wasn't supposed to happen. her father draws back significantly after, who ends up divorcing her mother afterwards because it's. a lot!!! she moves on quickly, hopping between boyfriends and husbands and affairs in between.

aecha's raised a lot by her aunts and an uncle, who try to minimize the effects of instability to no avail. if she's here, she knows she will end up there in a matter of weeks. aecha gets used to change really fast - she doesn't like it; but she gets used to it. it's easier to get used to it as opposed to fight it and resist it.

ends up officially moving in with her fifth stepfather; moving in with the dude on his tangerine farm in jeju. it's the closest thing to stability aecha has ever known honestly, and her favorite memories are there. her mom ends up moving and disappearing out of her life not too long after, whisking away to another country with another potential husband. unbeknownst to aecha, her mother finally settled down with this one and had children too.

ends up joining a singing club at school purely on a dare (pls don't tell her she can't do something because she will purely in spite of it) and ends up liking it, alot! becomes close with the teacher running the club and eventually is scouted by culture creative staff, who was a former alumni and friend of said teacher.

the rest, as they say, is history!

-

aecha is considerably known for her ice princess demeanor. very stoic, sharp, in general icy persona. (think irene, krystal, etc) at the start of her career, she became pretty obsessed with what ppl thought of her and tried super hard to curate her music style to hit that appeal (#mommyissues), which is why her first album sounds so different from everything released afterwards.

learned to stop overexplaining and forcing other people to know her, so she gave up, which is why the bitchy persona stuck. she also stopped trying to justify herself to others and well, that's what the public was left with. the type to let others run and believe what they want - wont go out of her way to correct it. is very much this emoji 😐 on the outside

inwards however!!!! aecha is soft like butter. it's rare to see honestly, she really keeps to herself as much since she's a public figure and yadda yadda, but she's so soft hearted it's a little sad. sometimes her eyes can give away what her face will not, and you can see her almost beg with them. she loves deeply and strongly, and values platonic friendship over romantic or familial ones. she's very supportive of her friends and goes out of her way (sending flowers, cafe carts, reposting on her socials, etc) to make sure its known.

shes a woman of a handful of words, her expressions almost always give her away, but she's slowly evolving into becoming much less logical focused and blending in her deep emotions in as well to her craft and herself. definitely multilayered, a chameleon, and always questioning her existence.

all her social media handles are: @aechacha.

-

currently: aecha is working in the background to release an ep at some point soon, but it's coming around slowly. she hasn't had the most inspiration or motivation so it's a long awaited piece. she's been more focused on her modelling aspects and a few talk show / radio appearances. she also wants to focus more on producing and songwriting - definitely working behind the scenes as of late.

she'd like to dive into acting at some point - but is just starting to take acting lessons. when she's not doing work stuff, she has biweekly pilates and pottery lessons she takes. likes to dip her fingers into a little bit of everything.

a big homebody, she likes to hang out with her cat (chickpea, the very definition of an Orange Cat) and tend to her plants. work on random song pieces - some that may never be completed, or cafe hop with friends.

-

i have a few plots listed above, but i'm big on brainstorming and going back and forth / seeing what works best with our muses. if none of mine or yours work, let's see what we can come up with together!

[trkstrnd]

hiya. wanted to pop in after i read ur rant post, i hope that's ok.

i agree with what you've said, and personally for me, after i knew That had happened, what had kept me sane was that deep down, i knew carlos would never do this, it is so out of left field, and this is just a shitty plot point the writers pulled out their asses in the s4 writers room (if they kept insisting that they thought of this since s1, they're going to have to try harder, and even then, i'm not sure i would believe them.) for the sake of drama. they know having a wedding planning arc throughout this season doesn't make for good drama, so what do they do? add in this shitty plot to impede their wedding planning.

what really kills me is, in the process of this, it might have undermined carlos' entire character arc in the previous seasons. it really hurts. i don't hate him at all, i understand completely where he's coming from. what i hate is carlos' as a character (in canon at least) suffers as a direct result of the showrunner and writers' shitty plotting and writing (i think this post makes a damn good point of what i'm trying to say,) and i hate how there's nothing we can do in the face of this. i feel helpless, and it hurts to see them go down this route for the sake of 'good drama', whatever the hell they think it means. clearly the writers and the fandom as a whole have wildly different understanding of things, as clearly shown in the interviews they've done so far.

which is why, i'm willing to wait it out and see how this unfolds, even though from the snippets i've read re: the upcoming eps, i think it will piss me off and probably the fandom as a whole. at the end of the day, as the eps start airing and we slowly move past it, i think we can easily choose to take away whatever we want to from this arc, and shove the rest down in a deep, deep drawer where i personally would never revisit again.

it just really sucks for now bc we only have one ep of information to work with, and 5-6 more days to wait until the next ep. i really do appreciate posts of ppl reminding us of how they've handled previous bad arcs (tk relapsing, the breakup, gwyn's death, etc., you get the drill) that have turned out to be phenomenal in hindsight, and i'm clinging to this until the eps start airing, and we get a more coherent picture. until then, we only have each other to discuss and perhaps rant to, to try to make sense of it all.

sorry for the rant, and thank u for reading this all the way through. sending u love in the meantime, and i know we'll get through this with time.

anon i mean this with everything in my body and soul and heart.

you summed it up perfectly.

we know it’s a bad plot, and we know we will move past it, and i really think the thing that hurts the most is it does really taint their entire story so far, knowing he had this all along, but i am hoping and praying that we get more, better plot in the next few episodes, and hopefully we can shove this down and forget it ever existed.

the disconnect between these writers and the fandom is insane, though. that’s what’s getting me. it’s like tim genuinely likes making us upset. remember when his twitter handle was cancelledagain? it’s like he doesn’t care about his own show, and the real drama for him is watching us all react and hate him for the plots he pulls out of his ass.

it’s so out of left field, and it fucks with everything we’ve known so far, and that’s why i see a bunch of people giving up on this plot and show, because it feels like we have been lied to the past few years as well.

even though we haven’t. it wasn’t the truth until he sat down and wrote it in. it’s fucking dumb, and surviving on 43 minutes a week with a plot like this is exhausting.

thank you so much. please never hesitate to dm me, anon. this ask was so very appreciated.

[maybevillage]

i remember you mentioned you were reading the HDM books at the same time as shadowbringers, do you have any thoughts on the similarities?

omg yeah i had just recently finished it before i got to shb and it's likely a coincidence bc it's not necessarily that the concepts at their most fundamental haven't been used before but it really was like. idk were they inspired or something

really really big spoilers for both his dark materials and shadowbringers:

i'm trying to remember what it was that really struck me bc i didn't take notes on this or anything. im thinking it was def seeing the sin eaters for the first time and the way they essentially made travel or life impossible for the population. they really reminded me of the spectres--those ghostlike shimmery forms in hdm that suck the dust (i think.. dust was also largely metaphorical at times for other things) out of adults and leave them as these permanently lifeless-but-still-alive shells of their former selves. like is that not what being struck by a sin eater did as well...they exist solely and single-mindedly to consume.. and mindlessly gobble up aether within people the same way spectres gobble up dust (so like this horrible/perverse consumption of some life-sustaining essence) and leave them essentially without spirit/energy/life so theyre just husks. like in shb the explanation is a bit different.. i don't have the best feel for what dust was supposed to be exactly (in the sense that i don't think it was meant to be exact, and kind of just something to rotate around in your mind like things like consciousness, emotion, the soul etc as is what ppl do w those concepts) bc it encompassed so much but without it people just aren't people. and in shb i think the nebulous concept of what makes a person a person was approached in its own way (much like it is in many other stories) when the scions were trying to find a way to get back to the source--how they realised it wasn't just soul but memory that needed to be transported back. that's kind of a tangent though lol but in regards to becoming a husk i liked shb's version a lot. i think it was one of the most interesting concepts introduced to me maybe in the game itself: how an abundance of light aether leads to stasis... like i think that's really cool.

it was also the way the world felt so desolate bc of the sin eaters. it was similar to citagazze where it was mostly just random settlements about the place in this seaside town and kholusia was where i went first so i was like what da hell....desolate seaside town. nobody can get anywhere or walk around freely etc. also the fact that sin eaters are as a result of humans' actions (the hero's causing an overabundance of light) and how the spectres are a result of humans' actions (the creation of the subtle knife and then every time it's used a spectre is created) all just feels like a sort of religious punishment for the actions of humans. so i was just getting very similar vibes from shadowbringers while i was playing it.

i think the other thing was the traveling to a different world and how that weakens your body over time. like the scions can't permanently be in the first bc its not their original world and in hdm you can't remain in a world other than your own forever either or you'll eventually just get very sick and die. it was ofc different in its particulars in either series and it's not like this concept is original to them either but it was a new concept for ff14 (maybe not final fantasy on a whole, i wouldn't know) and i was just fresh off of reading hdm so i was like omg?

i think by that point the overarching atmosphere was just reminding me of hdm. like the oppressive shimmering curtains of light in the sky vs. the (gentler, mystical) northern lights in hdm, the precarity of being in another world and stuff. aether also is like very scientifically and logically handled in ffxiv at times but its also used for just about anything, like they can do all sorts of things with it, and it has a lot of emotional and spiritual sense attached to it for sure so it was just making me think very vaguely about hdm and now that im putting it into words its like yeah hdm has dust for real. like when daemons die they burst into light and stuff. light! light! there's a lot of light in both stories

not shb but there is also a really offhand moment in the quest to unlock the optional hell's lid dungeon (stormblood) where the i guess portal or path to even get there in the first place like... you get told by soroban to unlock it using this random magical knife. like this is all withini one line of dialogue... like......it was just so random. path-opening knife.

i hope im not forgetting anything bc i feel like i would just randomly be struck by how much shb would remind me of hdm. oh well....

[tenyasleggies]

I just need to go on a small Neito Monoma appreciation rant because i keep coming across him in fics where he is incredibly awful and the characterization hurts my soul. I think fandom needs no reminder of the reasons they don't like Monoma, so I'm going to focus on the parts they always ignore. Please ignore this rant lol.

He's always written so ooc and just used as a convenient antagonist in fic when he clearly states his motives multiple times in canon. He's never mean just to be mean.

He's complicated.

He (for very understandable reasons, this is s1/2 Bakugou when he was being particularly abrassive and dismissive of other human being's worth after all), found Bakugou's behavior repulsive and wanted to knock him and the other arrogant class A kids down a peg.

He worked well with and encouraged his classmates and very nearly succeeded. He helped them play to their strengths and compensate for their weaknesses. These are things that would be very useful and keep people safe in actual heroics, but a televised competition doesnt really reward that behavior.

No one is a bigger supporter of class B and the underdog than Monoma. This victory wasn't for Neito Monoma, either, it would have been for his whole class. He encouraged his classmates when they were losing confidence in their ability to win. He saw how capable Uraraka was when even adult heroes in the audience didn't. He shows great disdain for people who just wrote her off and didn't pay attention to her strategy against Bakugou. And just in case this needs to be spelled out, it's obviously because he can relate. He seems to have some serious issues with ppl with strong quirks he sees as arrogant and people with weaker quirks being written off.

In the forest training arc he's shown to be terrified, but gloats when his teacher has the upper hand against the villains. Confidence and lording his victories over people who can easily kill him or badly hurt him is clearly ingrained in him. Projecting confiderence in the face of a much stronger opponent as a coping mechanism? Idk.

He's extremely kind to Eri and very clearly deeply unhappy when he can't do anything to help her. He seemed to really want a moment where his quirk would finally save the day. Even when he's treated as the "dark side of UA" by one of the otherwise nicest people on earth who happens to be one of the big 3. He just has a knack for drawing people's ire, I guess.

He sees 1-A as needlessly risking lives and endangering the rest of the school. Hence the lunch room taunting that is one of his most callous moments (and I think that the fandom decides to use as the only basis for his character (??)). As someone with a quirk that depends on others, I always imagined he had to be very careful about risks and resents ppl like Bakugou who rush in head first without a thought for how their actions affect others - and still come out unscathed.

He also seems to expect Bakugou to be the same brash and extremely callous person he was when they first met. For whatever reason, he didn't think people like Bakugou were capable of change, and this really threw him off when the two classes competed again.

He's also shown to really admire and support Shinsou for what I think are obvious reasons. No quirk discrimination or even a hint of uneasiness from this boy. Just pure unadulterated appreciation. I also kind of hc that he sees the potential in all quirks as someone who is always analyzing and figuring out how others' quirks work. It's all about how you use what you've got.

His entire existence at UA has been one disappointment after another. He clearly has a chip on his shoulder and an insurmountable need to prove himself and his fellow underdogs to a world with a de facto quirk based class system. Yet at each turn his apparent inferiority seems to only be reinforced. One crushing blow to his paper thin confidence after another.

Does he handle this soul crushing experience well? No. But is he some asshole who rips people to emotional shreds in their darkest moments for literally no reason? Not at all. He may not have actual confidence that his quirk is powerful, but he relies heavily on his words and wit to compensate. He doesn't give up either.

[cognitosclowns]

so, we've talked about Reagan's reaction to Brett dying, but can I get some HC's for how the rest of the crew would react? also, how do you think Brett would react if any of the Team died?

</3 a a a a a a </3

tw death and dying, mortality and similar topics. also substance abuse! also food mentions!!

When Gigi hears the news her hands just,, immediately go to her heart.

There’s this massive ache like someone punched her in the chest. She doesn’t have the words or energy to react - she just takes a long, deep breath and leaves to sit in her office for a while.

She’ll recover - this is not the first person she’s lost, it isn’t going to be the last, but it’s gonna take a while. This job never gets easier.

She takes care of his affairs - his family isn’t involved in his life, and she doesn’t want them fucking with his estate. She manages finances, gets his will sorted, etc. All the Big, Frustrating Stuff that you shouldn’t have to be thinking of when someone you love is dead

She doesn’t want (or,, trust) anyone to take care of those sorts of things when they’re grieving.

Glenn probably handles it the best

He was an army man, active service for years. He knows how to deal with death, with grief, how to comfort others and what ppl need when they’re grieving.

Brings food to the war room bc,, he knows they’re gonna be forgetting to take care of themselves. 

Sits with Gigi and just,, holds her hand. They don’t really speak? Theres kind of a quiet understanding between them.

He’s genuinely the biggest help to everyone. Nobody really has the words to thank him properly but,, they appreciate it.

Myc is used to humans dying? mostly,,

This is why he doesn’t get attached - and fuck did he get attached to that stupid, brainless hunk. He regrets it now, obviously, but there’s no going back now.

It’s probably the only time they’ll see him quiet? he just,, doesn’t engage. No jokes, no ribbing, for at least a month or two. He probably tries to cut himself off from the gang at least a few times

He just,, doesn’t wanna have to deal with that again. He really doesn’t want to have to attend 4 more funerals.

This is a feeling he hasn’t had to deal with in a very long time, so it sucks absolute ass. He gets through it, but it’s gonna leave a lingering worrying about,, when the Next One Is Gonna Be.

Andre absolutely cracks a joke when he finds out. It’s badly timed and completely tactless, and the team doesn’t get upset bc,,, they get it. He’s just trying to cope.

Something about,, being reminded of how fragile he is?? is Way Too Much??  

He goes on a week-long (maybe a few weeks?) bender, drinking and partying. The thought of dealing with that sober is,, something he does not want to deal with.

He phases in between remembering Brett is dead and not even knowing his own name. He can’t grieve the loss of a friend he can barely remember existing!

He’s piss-drunk at the funeral, Gigi and Myc make sure he doesn’t make too much of a scene. Myc has a few tentacles around him, maybe just trying to mellow him out and make the event pass Quickly for him.

It definitely hits him hard - the team knows not to mention Brett anymore around him.

Brett would genuinely do everything in his power to keep a happy face if one of The Gang died. 

He feels the pressure to pretend everything is fine, and be the Beacon of Hope he always is bc,, if HE can't even be positive, how's everybody else going to?

Eventually he's going to break, because nobody can deal with grief by just tamping it down, but he's sure as hell gonna try smd. 

Someone’s gonna ask how he’s dealing with everything so well and,, he’s just gonna burst into tears.

Expect a group hug or two <3 

AAAAA THIS ASK <3 FUCK THIS WAS SO FUN (??? AGONIZING???) TO WRITE TYSM!!!

[beetlemancy]

Violence against young kids is a pretty huge trigger for a lot of ppl though. I think even D20 put up a content warnings for that in one of their seasons. There is a difference between wanting an extremely common and widespread trigger like that tagged compared to something like cw: geese. I’ve never been triggered by anything in CR, but it seems like they’re a little behind the ball on this. Even TVMA shows on actual TV give basic content warnings at the top (violence, swearing, drugs, etc.).

It reminds me of how slow they were to get professional captioning. Not like super bad or anything, but later than a lot of their contemporaries. F@tT uses content warnings for a whole bunch of stuff, so it’s not absurd to have a real play tabletop show do that kind of stuff on a basic level. Obviously I’m not going to scream at the cast on Twitter about it, but I think it’s be nice to either get an official “we don’t do content warnings” message from CR company or just like an official policy of some kind. (If that exists and I’ve just never seen it, uh, my bad)

I don’t think it’s a huge deal, but it also doesn’t seem fair to write it all off as classic fandom entitlement.

Well, first of all, THEY were not slow to getting captioning. Legendary was. This is blatant misinformation that continues to permeate this fandom. As soon as CR was their own company, captions were made a priority. This needs to stop being erased because its a source of constant nonsense in this fandom.

Also, I never said that TW “kid death” would be difficult - I was specifically referring to the many, many tweets asking for EVERY episode to list EVERY possible trigger. I literally said that I have zero issues with people going through proper channels to request a different approach (as in, more than what is already on the CR official site). By the way, since apparently this will keep coming up, here is what that site says specifically:

[img description: CR’s FAQ page Is Critical Role kid-friendly? Our shows are intended for adult audiences and you may want to watch an episode or show first and then decide if its appropriate for the little ones in your life. A note about content warnings - Due to the improv nature of Critical Role and other RPG content on our channels, some themes and situations that occur in-game may be difficult for some to handle. If certain episodes or scenes become uncomfortable, we strongly suggest taking a break or skipping that particular episode. Your health and well-being is important to us and Psycom has a great list of international mental health resources here, in case its useful.]

As a sidenote, you can also find out more information about CR’s captioning services via that FAQ as well. Link is HERE. 

[midoriyaizukustan-inactive]

yall i get so Tired when i see some ppl complaining abt how “boring” midoriya is like if u could think critically for one second my dude,,

like. stop and think for one second for me. where have you ever seen a character like midoriya before? like, beyond a few similarities? i see ppl compare him to fuckin naruto but beyond their demeanors, theyre not the same character at all

like ok.

midoriya’s smart, not naturally, but because hes observant and a critical thinker. bro is constantly shown to be thinking and calculating and that this is a skill he has honed over the years; where else have u seen a smart main character act like that?

he cares so fucking much its kinda a flaw sometimes (like how hes never held bakugou accountable for his actions). idk this is kinda typical of shonen protags but he’s not a weird dick abt his compassion either; he cares and shows it in ways both the audience and the ppl he cares abt understand

he cries all the time. THATS definitely different. he’s in touch with his emotions through and through and is never really ashamed for it (except for that one scene in the manga where he’s having a rough time and has that whole “heroes dont cry” mantra going through his head, but that doesnt last). i think thats rlly a great characteristic. ppl make jokes abt him being a little bitch but lol,,,sorry a character actually expresses emotions instead of being a ~stoic badass~ all the time

his mom is still alive, which breaks shonen main character cliches (which tbh doesnt have much to do with his character particularly but still its a point in his favor). in a similar vein of thought, he doesnt have daddy issues canonically (at least not yet idk what hisashi/dad for one is gonna end up being djkdjk)

most importantly tho, midoriya had to WORK to get to where he is; he was never some “chosen one”. no one “just had a feeling” about him. literally everyone told him he couldnt become a hero, everyone implied that he could try as hard as he wanted to but that he would never make it, but he persevered despite that.

bc of his hardworking and determined manner, midoriya EARNED every. single. chance and opportunity he was given. bro had to prove himself first even to ALL MIGHT, who ended up being the FIRST person to believe in him. all might didnt just trust him bc midoriya reminded him of himself. no one believed in him until he believed in himself first, and thats why he DESERVES one for all (and respect in general but yall are clowns)

hes a light for all of those kids who felt like giving up. he’s living proof that the situation youre born into, that society forces you into, is not your ending; you can still push on regardless. you can still be happy regardless. thats important for both kids in his society, and in our real one!! midoriya is a guide for so many ppl, real AND fictional.

and some other stuff;; hes socially awkward but still tries his best because he never wants anyone to feel how he felt when he was growing up. this isnt abnormal for protags, but the way he’s socially awkward is both more genuine and also more realistic like. “im a dick but ohh wait i have a soft exterior that you must dig for” is such an annoying way of showing off “social awkwardness” and midoriya breaks that stereotype so thank GOD.

hes baby but hes also an absolute feral child sometimes as well; hes more complex than people give him credit for in that regard. kid literally will only value rules at face value. he works with them only until they go against his interests; then he has no issues whatsoever breaking them

and this last point is v important: midoriya has been through a lot in canon; his once best friend became abusive for ten+ years, before just becoming a prick he could handle himself in high school; his mom is single and trying to work for both him and herself; he was completely alone until he was 14/15; no one, NO ONE believed in him until he could prove them otherwise, and even then, he still received some doubt concerning his abilities, purposes, and intentions (bakugou, aizawa, and nighteye). at the same time though, midoriya’s not angry with the world; hes not really angry at all. despite all hes seen and gone through, midoriya is still kind and optimistic and i think thats really what separates him from other main characters, especially those in his genre

midoriya is a guide. he is a light. ik i make jokes abt him being sunshine but he really IS; his whole POINT of existing is to inspire kids both in real life and in his fictional world and to reassure them that their situation will only end the way they make it; they can get out. they can be safe. they can live up to want they want to be

and thats important. thats inspiring. that is the farthest fuckin thing from “boring” you can get

anyway so if i see one more person saying midoriya is “boring/bland/etc” one more time just bc he isnt an edgy bitch like other main characters, im gonna throat punch someone. stan my boy or die

[rupertgayesarchive]

That ask and your answer about what if Sam was out of hunting and never left Stanford because Gabriel wanted to stop the apocalypse and threw him into a pocket dimension and I’m like. Obsessed. primarily with gabriel and how Sam would go.

I think he would stick Sam in a like… you remember when Zachariah stuck sam and dean in the office job and it was a parallel universe but also it was real life? like coplanar planes, I think Gabriel would elect to do that instead of his you’re going in my alternate universe, because it’s less detail consuming and I think Sam would notice small things that were off like how he figured out it was him in mystery spot.

You said Sam deserves to have the apple pie life but if he was comfortable with that it wouldn’t like.. work he wouldn’t be ready to ever confront Lucifer or anyone. i agree but also I don’t think he would stick with his normal life. like in the zachariah episode he had a normal life and fake memories of that but he still wanted to hunt and help people and also figure out wtf was happening. I think in this scenario Sam would still be psychic because I love that but Gabriel would probably try like… suppressing his visions and such, because they would lead him back into possible angel business. I think he’d still get little snippets because that’s fun and having reminders in that that the supernatural like.. exists and ppl are getting hurt, I think that would overrule his want of complete normalcy and even his spite toward John.

I don’t think he’d go back into hunting like, completely because I want him to have something good and also be semi well adjusted. but like we saw in the terrible life episode I think he’d like.. if he got bored and started looking up strange deaths well now he has to go help them!!

also it is sooo fun to me if he starts realizing something is wrong but he doesn’t know what. like in mystery spot I love that trope sooo fucking much also in s1 sam gets back into hunting through John Winchester style revenge quest and I want to give him a reason to start poking around that is like.. for himself and not anybody else. he can have a little obsession over it as a treat because i like seeing him be a bitch <3

i think initially when Gabriel found out the apocalypse was like in motion and Sam was at Stanford he’d have an opportunity there to do something without revealing to other players that he is alive because he was pretending to be a trickster. like he’s very much in this for self preservation and if he did some time traveling shenanigans, or disappearing both Winchesters and maybe even Adam out of nowhere, I think he’d worry that the angels would take notice. Randy your vessels!! But Stanford gives him a natural window to hide a key player. he needs to do away with Adam too so Lucifer can’t possibly have a true vessel to fight.. maybe he can kill him in a freak accident because I find that funny. sorry this is long and it will be getting longer

anyway I think as time went on Gabriel would pay like less meticulous attention. he’d still keep away like key players but as other people also started trying to stop the apocalypse he would become more relaxed also he’d be overconfident in himself like in changing channels. I think this would lead sam to notice more stuff that just doesn’t make any sense and maybe start looking for dean or even his dad, or going out of his way to look for hunts. maybe get involved in magic because i think he deserves to be a witch. wait actually that’s how he should find Dean. i think Gabriel would hide Dean from Sam and vice versa, and he didn’t foresee Sam using magic or anything. Also at this point it’s been years and I think Sam is more invested in this than his like… normal life. he’s more well adjusted but I can definitely see him just impulsively quitting his job to figure out what the fucks happening. Also I think he’d feel animosity at dean during this for not being there and not helping him, even though that anger doesn’t make complete sense. sorry i like the early seasons salmon dean reconciling and learning to like each other and sam realizing Your Parents Are People and I would like to see it with them having like, completely different lives and also some fun miscommunication bc of Gabriel. also sam having to reconcile dean having cas OHRHDHJ also dean and cas trying horribly to cover cas being not human is so fucking fun to me. unless this happens during a cas is dead time period which is fun in a different evil way.

I also think dean would only stop looking if he though Sam was dead, but I think… Gabriel might have hidden him but other people ARE still meeting him even with like altered memories. so I think angels or something can sense that Sam is alive but they don’t know where and I think they’d gloat and use it to taunt dean that he is like.. suffering while his brother is living a perfect normal life. Also because this adds another miscommunication that can be discussed and end in reconciliation in a way I don’t think would feel contrived and is in line with it the characters. it’d be Amelia s8 but Sam would be like (Sam voice) I did look for you!!! where were you when I needed you! also I want Sam to find out John died and he’s in absolute despair while cas is standing there like oh yes that’s so awful your father was an. absolutely a man😔😐🏳️‍🌈

idk when this would occur and i think every season offers like… different flavors of enjoyment for an audience of just me. like s7 proto widower arc?? Sam reconnecting with Dean during TMWWBK when he is not familiar with the dean and cas dynamic and has to be witness to Trying So Hard To Be Loyal. additionally that would be fun because bobby is there and dean is like, covering his ears and back talking bobby regarding cas. and if they’ve taken pains to hide cas being an angel Sam being like .who is this to Dean. is suchhh a fun concept.

WAIT post goodbye stranger. or maybe Sam can show up pre goodbye stranger to watch dean go from clingy after cas gets back from purgatory to wrongfooted to like ANGRY. well not Angry… to dean having dean emotions. when cas is off with the tablet ignoring him and he feels betrayed. and this Sam isn’t as close to him so he doesn’t know ANY details until Dean stats divulging them as they reconcile. ALL GOOD OPTIONS..

also if this happens during s6 i think it would be nice if cas started collecting allies, and at the same time as Sam trying to figure out what was keeping him away from dean and the angel business Cas could figure it out FIRST and use Gabriel as an ally against Raphael but he’d feel like he has to hide it from dean and sam. like in this scenario. actually any time I talk about s6 hypotheticals Cas’ conflict IS the A Plot. the Winchester’s were on a side quest idc. s6 is a fun time for these reasons but i don’t like it as much because Cas is still in the process of like.. formative development.

okay one last thing I’m SOOO sorry for my essay. you said if Sam was dispossessed the apocalypse would just.. not happen. i agree to like, a certain degree, because I do think they could have found another way but all of them would have been dust compared to swan song. so maybe Gabriel semi succeeded but instead of stopping the apocalypse he just… prolonged it. this changes a lot but if either Michael or Lucifer didn’t have a viable vessel I think the angels would scramble to actually for real stop the apocalypse but others would still want it to happen even if it was like.. Perfect they just want it to be over. this provides angel politics which I am in love with and we can still have like TMWWBK development for cas. I don’t know where I’m going with this sorry

op this is a lot, this is so much. i love it, i hope you have a google doc open somewhere and are typing away furiously.

now i didn't rewatch a lot of spn past s3 (surprise) in part bc i can't handle the brain damage and some scenes are seared into my cerebral cortex in a way that induced a temporary bout of eidetic memory, meaning i'll never forget the crypt scene in Goodbye Stranger for as long as i live. that being SAID, my s6-s7 knowledge is not as firmly coalesced. so because of that i'm letting your thoughts roam free as i don't know how accurate my own takes would be? but i feel like without sam there, like... hm. would dean even be the same person... would the past however many seasons even OCCUR remotely similar with sam out of the picture for literal years? we might be looking at a completely different world at that point.

my other theory is that the s2 plot of special children - we know azazel was raising a new 'crop' of psychic kids. i think that was a plot thread that they ended up dropping anyway, but if they didn't i do wonder if we'd be dealing with a lot more shenanigans like in s1 and s2 except with kids? and dean and cas trying to figure out what to do with these young psychics that might be turned into a vessel for lucifer or - whatever they wanted to do with those kids. hm.

i also question if purgatory would be a thing. like it probably would come up and be on the table, but maybe the godstiel arc wouldn't, bc if like you're saying dean and cas are together at this point, like. cas might have grown to love humanity (not just dean but like 99% dean) to the point where he might not be doing this risky gambit for more souls. and if gabriel is still around, cas may start petitioning gabe to help throw his archangel weight around against raphael while he tries to do the actual strategizing.

i think sam would still have his visions, like you said, and then maybe those lead him to dean or to a case that dean is also on? or if angels are more well-known later on, he tracks one down, maybe cas, maybe not (if it's NOT and it's one that works on raphael's side. ohoho. the possibilities...)

[angeltrapz]

hhmmmmvnfj asks abt Lawrence? umm in a selfship way: what’s ur favorite gift he’s gotten u? — in a character analysis way, bcuz I’ve posted a lil abt it n u mentioned it in DMs too: if William had survived, bc Lawrence was handling new disciples at that time (like Brad n Ryan), how do u think Lawrence n William would’ve interacted? (esp bc we know William was at least vaguely aware of who Lawrence was pre-trap bc of their connections to John)

dfhskj thank u!!! finally getting 2 this

okay fr the selfship part: mentioned it a little bit when replying 2 the other ask u sent, but it’s a worry stone made out of rhodonite (which looks a lil like this), bc he knows how interested I am in gems + rocks n stuff like that but also bc he wanted me to have smth to fidget with in case I forgot my lil lanyard of rolling beads when we went somewhere! it’s smth I just run my thumb along bc it’s smooth n soft n fits perfectly in the palm of my hand. a lot of times if I’m in an uncomfortable situation I can’t get out of, having that w me helps a lot bc it’s grounding n it reminds me of him 💞💞

fr the character analysis part: KJSKFS YEAH I love getting 2 talk abt that bc I actually think abt it quite a bit. as u said, William and Lawrence have always been vaguely aware of each other on account of being connected thru their interactions w John, the doctor who he felt wasn’t kind/sympathetic enough n the insurance agent who denied his (EXTREMELY experimental, mind u) foreign treatment request. I’m not sure that they ever interacted face-to-face PRIOR to John’s death, but after William survives his test it’s just kinda like... who else does he have 2 talk to that might be able to understand even the tiniest bit what he went thru? he loves Pamela to pieces, of course he does, she’s his only family - but she didn’t see what he’d had to do, doesn’t rly KNOW like Lawrence would.

but I still think he’d absolutely be Cautious, bc even w the desire to be understood n maybe even have someone he could confide in, William knows now that Lawrence has been helping John for quite some time - as we see in 3D and as u said, Lawrence is the one handling new disciples, something that only John ever did; Amanda didn’t have her own apprentices, n Hoffman sure as hell didn’t either. that, n William doesn’t know how much involvement, if any, Lawrence had w his own test - that’s smth that wld haunt him a lil, I think. it’s hard to be comfortable around a person who is not only directly involved w the person who felt it necessary to put u in a trap, but who Also may have been the one to put fucking explosive bracelets/anklets n tattoos on u + SEWN A KEY inside of u, which is INCREDIBLY violating of his bodily autonomy. that could warrant a whole discussion of its own tbh.

but. Lawrence is the closest John ever got 2 having a TRUE successor (which I have conflicting feelings on; my reading of Lawrence in SAW 2004 was not someone who wld have joined up w someone who caused him so much pain, but fr the sake of exploring this, I think tht after going thru something as horribly traumatizing and irreversibly changing as he did, he sought that life of control n routine that he felt he had prior to his game, and well, John could certainly provide that,,,) n William would likely know this. Amanda’s dead, Logan is off doing who knows what n living his life, Hoffman is only doing it out of a weird sense of obligation?, and Jill isn’t rly a disciple, just some1 who’s been dragged into it too. (I think William n Jill actually would’ve gotten along tbh,, it’s a different thing entirely whether William would WANT to interact w her.)

I think Lawrence wld want to be able to reassure William that he had no hand in what happened to him (I don’t even know if Lawrence is the one who fitted the bracelets/did the key?), but he like. wouldn’t even know where 2 begin bc how can he explain that in a way that William could ever rely on? how could he ever convince William that he truly wasn’t responsible when all the other man wld have 2 do is look at all of th ppl he assisted John in securing/operating on? Hoffman was the one who put William in his trap, but Lawrence doesn’t know he’ll ever b able 2 prove that in a way William can believe. n I don’t think he’d expect William to believe him, not at all, but I think Lawrence at that point truly doesn’t have anyone - he and Alison are divorced and she has Diana, Adam isn’t around obviously, John + Amanda are gone, Hoffman doesn’t know he exists, so who does he have? I think he longs fr that sort of connection, even if it Is forged thru smth as terrible as what they were both individually put thru by John - they have tht common ground of being involved in his diagnosis + the way he responded to them (petty fucking grievances... kramer I will literally knock yr teeth in u fucker) n being ppl he considered partially responsible fr his downfall in a way (Lawrence wasn’t “kind enough,” William said no to a highly expensive and experimental international treatment that they weren’t even sure wld WORK). and like, not necessarily 2 the same extent, but they were both physically altered by what they went thru. Lawrence is missing his foot. William has scars + tattoos that he could get covered up, sure, but the experience isn’t going away. the scar on his side where the key was hidden is never going away. Lawrence’s prosthetic is functioning but the fact that he cut his fucking foot off isn’t going away. n that’s not even TOUCHING the lasting mental effects.

so I think William wld be feeling rly lost. he just doesn’t know what to do. he doesn’t know if he can even go back to the life he led b4 (if he does, it’s not for a very long time) n he has a hard time looking Pamela in the eye bc he feels personally responsible fr her having been there too + bc of what he’d been made to do to so many ppl. he feels alone, much more than he ever has before, n that’s saying smth bc his personal life was already extremely solitary bc he felt it was safer for him + his career. no one could possibly understand what he went thru, bc nobody saw it. nobody saw the way he tried so hard to keep every1 alive, the way he tried to help the people he worked with + CARED FOR even if he had 2 put himself thru pain to do it (holding onto those pulleys until his shoulders were almost DISLOCATED fr Addy n Allen, burning himself w the steam so Debbie could get thru the maze, the entirety of the shotgun carousel). Tara + Brent didn’t see him sacrifice himself fr his coworkers, n neither did Pamela. nobody knows. William wants some1 to connect with, n that just doesn’t seem like a possibility given that what he went thru in there is knowledge that only he himself + Hoffman carry.

but Lawrence knows. he understands n he's the one 2 kinda make that offer, to just be like “u don’t have 2 trust me right now, or even ever, but I understand n if u want some1 2 talk to, I’m here.” bc what does he have to lose? Adam is gone. Alison n Diana are gone. he’s by himself. and so is William, though he has Pamela. they’re both men who went thru smth unspeakably terrible bc a dying man wanted 2 play god n they came out of it much worse off than they ever were b4 John “helped” them. n William is just like. how much worse could it get? after Jigsaw, what could possibly be worse than what he’s already gone thru? so he’s just kind of like, “okay, we can work this out, I can’t say I trust u right now but maybe I can in the future. we can do this together. we can help each other.” n that’s how they end up meeting for coffee or breakfast/lunch/dinner every so often (coffee meets are at least weekly), n it’s just kind of like. the reassurance that some1 has seen the very worst parts of u and are still around. the relief of knowing someone sees u and knows how hard yr fighting to rebuild a life that’s been shattered into a million tiny pieces. n they’re struggling against that current together, and maybe it starts in a place of “I have no one else so I might as well chill w u,” but eventually William and Lawrence kind of fall into this uneasy friendship. they’re there for each other. William calls Lawrence when he has a nightmare that keeps him up fr hours after, shaking n w his heart beating out of his chest bc he doesn’t want to remember. Lawrence spends th night at William’s place every now n then bc he can’t be alone w his thoughts n the phantom pain in his leg just won’t quiet. they meet for coffee. they have breakfast sometimes. Lawrence has clothes n a toothbrush at William’s and vice versa. they’re in this together.

n maybe that escalates into more (which I believe wld only happen after they get 2 a point where they’ve discussed, at length, John’s legacy n who exactly would be continuing it + if anyone WLD be, n after Hoffman is “disposed of” in a sense), but even if not, they both know they Have Someone who looks at them n doesn’t see them as a monster, not the horrible person John thought he needed to “fix.” they both carry scars, both physically n mentally, frm what they went thru. they’re both struggling to get their bearings + Lawrence is still coping w what he’ll need to do after John’s (and eventually, Jill’s) passing. it won’t be easy, but they’re not walking alone. they’re wading thru the mud together, hand in hand, and fr William n Lawrence, that is enough.

[inqilabi]

sorry maybe i misunderstood but in one of your posts when you said "Stalin and Mao killed millions" was propaganda, what did you mean? like did you mean Stalin's repressions/purges/ethnic clensings weren't real or...?? cos i'm Russian and there's hardly a family here that wasn't affected by that, including my own. It's all still in living ppls memory, it's not something we're just told by the government lmao. It's actually extremely insulting to suggest otherwise. Like literally ask a person from an ex-USSR country and 9 times out of 10 they'll tell you of an ancestor/relative that was executed/sent to gulag/forced to flee the country/etc during Stalin's rule. Esp if you ask a jewish or other ethnic minority person.

Not sure if you’re genuinely interested in the perspective, if so I can provide resource reccs. I don’t think it’s insulting to ask people to consider that the history they have known may be entirely wrong and to question the common narrative/claims they hear. 

Especially considering the fact that CIA was literally created to fight USSR first and foremost, and then any other emerging socialist states thereafter. And the fact that Britain had been at it long before that. The Allies literally supplied troops for the ‘White Army’ to as Churchill put it “strangle the [Bolshevik state] at its birth” in 1917/1918. Formation of NATO itself is an alliance of capitalist anti-communist states. Not to mention that post WW2, when CIA formed, it absorbed existing Nazi and fascists into its CIA & NATO operations to terrorize any leftists orgs in Eastern Europe (Operation Gladio) because of how great they were at terrorizing, infiltrating and sabotage. And in the USA itself, Ukrainian fascists were incorporated into various intelligence orgs. A NSC directive (4A, 1947) stated the following: 

The campaign against the Soviets would include “primarily media related activities, including unattributed publications, forgeries, and subsidization of publications. Political action would involve exploitation of displaced persons and defectors, and support to political parties’ paramilitary activities, including support to guerillas and sabotage”

It is in this context that I understand the USSR. I may have criticisms of the CPSU, though it wouldn’t matter now. For us now, even though the exact conditions that the USSR faced will not be repeated again- I think it is necessary to learn from the successes and failures of the first socialist state founded amidst WW1, fall of Tsarist rule/semi feudalism/civil war, rise of Nazism and being surrounded by fascists, WW2 in which America & Britain both directly and indirectly let Germany destroy USSR as much as possible before getting involved, and the USSR was also dealing with a Japanese invasion threat in the east. To me its a feat that the people rallied behind its foundation, that there was fervor of the masses at that time- I can’t imagine it today. There were nearly 2 million party members in 1930. Some 3-4 million people enrolled to take classes with the communist party in 1933.

Yes the repressions, Yezhovshchina & reallocation of people were real. Repressions of the Kulaks and other class enemies was real. And to define class enemy, the kulak case is an interesting one: we’re talking about a class who regularly exploited peasants, & when a drought reduced the grain harvest, raised grain prices so the soviet government couldn’t afford to buy the grain to feed people (and this is where the rationing came from). The government in response encouraged peasants to form collective farms (kolkhoz), which was actually a youth peasant movement and grain harvest from these kolkhoz was soon as much as the kulaks. The kulaks then realizing that they can no longer control the markets, started murdering people in these kolkhoz. And this is the point where the Soviet gov decided to seize the kulak wheat, expropriate kulak land (dekulakization program as is known in the west) & give the land to the kolkhoz. In response, the kulaks burned their wheat, and killed their own livestock in the millions.  And despite this, most of them were only exiled, forced to reallocate or sent to the gulags. Also, forced reallocation of probably millions of people from the east to prevent Japanese invasion, and from the western region as Germany was invading did happen. 

Yezhovshchina of 1937-1938 was excessive. Here they replaced their normal voting process (e.g, Trotskyites were voted out with a vote of 700,000 against to 6000 for) with a 3 person tribunal who just handed out sentences like candy- in this period alone, I think there was some 300,000 sentences handed out. Though they were responding to Nazi infiltration among their party. Eventually the party committees got a handle of it, overturned half of the sentences. Many of the remaining sentences were never carried out because there wasn’t that much infrastructure to do so. But certainly innocent people were caught in the cross fire here. But imo the typical perception in the west that this purge was to eliminate any political opponents or to consolidate power is not true. It was primarily to eliminate Nazis in the party and any other counter-revolutionary who would have essentially handed USSR to Germany. There were definitely executions. There’s a quote from Ludo Martens on his study of the USSR that indicates a bit how unequipped USSR was to handle sentences of Yezhovshchina:

"Grigorenko, a well-known Rightist general who defected to the West, stated that, to escape the Purge, it suffice to simply relocate to another city."

There’s also interesting notes from Hitler (via Goebbel’s journal)and Churchill’s WW2 memoir that Hitler had hoped to take advantage of these antagonisms, defeatist tendencies and fascists sympathizers within the Red Army, but Stalin had succeeded in making sure via purges that the Red Army could not be taken advantage of.

But to address what is actually your main point: to assess history based on lived experience. What you stated is not reconcilable with the following examples:

Frankly I think the further breakdown of the 35+ would yield even more interesting insights. Also its expectedly low in Lithuania, Estonia & Latvia. What do we know about the history of these three countries that would help us understand that? There’s also this interview and this one specially about Stalin & the gulags, which sounds different from the experiences of your family.

Here is a quote from Ludo Martens book:

‘But how is it possible', asked a friend, `to defend a man like Stalin?' There was astonishment and indignation in this question, which reminded me of what an old Communist worker once told me. He spoke to me of the year 1956, when Khrushchev read his famous Secret Report. Powerful debates took place within the Communist Party. During one of these confrontations, an elderly Communist woman, from a Jewish Communist family, who lost two children during the war and whose family in Poland was exterminated, cried out:

`How can we not support Stalin, who built socialism, who defeated fascism, who incarnated all our hopes?'

And also, Normal Finkelstein stated that his parents, both of whom survived concentration camps, would refuse to listen to any criticism of Stalin and called anyone who criticized him a traitor. 

So how do we parse through these different lived experiences? What helps us understand the differences in these lived experiences? 

[reversecreek]

lily for magda (thinking about figs feeling evil), tulip for cricket, marigold for ziggy, chrysanthemum for bradley, belladonna for nyla

lily :   how does your muse view their mother ?  

magda doesn’t know a lot abt her mum. she knows vague snippets n details bt they’re all very elusive. it’s kind of a tricky subject where her mum’s concerned bc when she was younger she’d come up w all these assumptions abt how her mum was n who she’d be if she were with her but the rational part of magda was like..... u don’t know any of this. ur literally making things up. it’s kind of hard for a kid to have that vital person missing from their life n to resist the urge to fill in the blanks with their own projections so the space feels less empty. it’s like having a tooth missing n ur tongue always going back to poke at the spot in ur gum. there’s a constant reminder of loss in that. magda knows her mum liked to sing bc her dad said once she’d always sing to her belly when she was pregnant. this is a lot of the reason why magda has always cared so much abt music bc she took this fact in her fist n grasped it tight n never let go n in a way grew parts of herself around it. it’s like............. i feel like her mum dying in childbirth gave her lots of issues when it comes to her identity n like. who she is n who she wants to be.......... bc of magda’s issues w her dad i feel like she got into this habit growing up of rly putting who her mum could have been on a pedestal n basing everything around that.... she’d be like I’m More Like Her (a belief which was only accelerated bc her dad would drunkenly say she looked so much like her) n cling onto that so she liked herself more bc the other option was her dad who she loves but he’s also an incredibly flawed person n they hv a complicated relationship...... i think as she’s gotten older she’s realised her mum cld very well have been that way too n putting people on pedestals isn’t the way to go about things but. idk. as a kid she was kind of obsessed w this idea of her n this idea that her mum being gone was the beginning n end of everything wrong in her life. for the most part now magda accepts she never knew her n sometimes even feels stupid for grieving her at all bc she never knew her to grieve in the first place but. there’s a tiny part of magda tht still hangs on to the comfort of what she could have had n it’s obvious by the fact she still keeps a photograph of her folded up in her pillow. she loves the mum she made up in her head n she wishes she got to meet her. there’s this sense tht maybe then she wouldn’t feel like this culmination of missing parts more than a person if she’d had that in her life. sighs n lks away holding my dyed black emo bang.....

tulip :   how does your muse view people in general ?  

cricket is like. the strangest little anomaly of a person FGHKSFGHSFKGH bc like. u would rly think that after everything he’s been thru he would just have this absolutely jaded view of people and life in general and i wouldn’t even......... blame him for it if he did like. i’d understand completely bc he’s experienced A Lot of bad stuff. n yet somehow he just.... idk. i think i wrote in a reply once this comparison of cricket n a cockroach in the sense that they have this incredibly reinforced exoskeleton n even if they’re stomped flat they can keep living n bounce back from it n that’s very him but it’s more specifically the hope inside him. he has this little candle lit that good things can still happen midst all of the terrible things n i genuinely can’t see it snuffing out at any point even tho sometimes he might want it to. sometimes i think he even gets into these frames of mind where it jst infuriates the fk out of him bc in his head he’s like why do u even think good shit can happen when u have sm overwhelming evidence to the contrary but then he’s also like. look u can dwell on the bad or u can notice the way the light falls thru the leaves in the trees and u can think to urself inside ur head as u listen to someone u love talking abt something that makes them happy ‘hey this feeling is nice n there’s a dozen others like it’. idk. against all odds he’s an optimist. he has tinnitus in his left ear n sometimes he pretends the ringing is angels trying to talk to him. he likes to search for the silver linings in things to make them bearable n that’s how he gets by. obviously he knows there’s evil in the world n that a lot of people can be shit bc he has firsthand experience w that but he also believes there are people to serve as the antithesis to that n he wants to focus on them bc like. why give bad stuff the time of day. not necessarily always a positive coping mechanism (if u bottle up bad feelings n thoughts they leak thru one way or another aka his overwhelming anxiety) but like.... i think there’s a lot of bravery in that n i respect him for it i won’t lie. he cld have become very bitter bt instead he’s like that quote that’s like 'the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it'. suddenly slaps his little anxious rump (supportive) (affectionate)

marigold :   is your muse prone to jealousy ?  how might they handle envious feelings ?  

it’s hard to say w ziggy............... i feel like he doesn’t want to think he’s prone to jealousy bc he’s like i’m literally a god wdym i simply wld never give a fk bc i know i’m above all else................. but like. do u actually believe that ziggy. do u. FKGJHKSJGHFGSHFGKSHGKFHG. he’s good at convincing himself at least........... has me fooled too most of the time. bt. thinks abt this.............. i feel like he doesn’t tend to get jealous over ppl he hooks up w a lot of the time bt there’s definitely a few select ppl he might.......... n then he doesn’t rly know what that feeling is bc he’s so unused to feeling it so he’s like wtf why am i so fking pissed off over the thought of this person fking that person? like literally doesn’t even. connect the dots n make the logical conclusion bc it jst seems so bizarre n nonsensical to him. rly is awful at working out his own feelings like. he cld just suddenly explode one day n have to smash a bunch of shit in a junkyard n after his chest is heaving n he has all this broken stuff around him n he’s just like yo wtf was that man forreal lmfaoooooooooo..... like he just doesn’t even get how his own emotions work it’s tragic n it’s men for u. w anxious feelings he represses them a lot he doesn’t rly understand what they r or know how to recognise them........... i honestly feel like he has a lot of anxiety surrounding his mum esp w her dating n like some of the guys they’ve both had to deal w that she’s dated in the past.......... i doubt he processes that healthily or expresses it healthily either..... probably contributes to the tensions between him n his mum they hv a lot of underlying issues that come out in the form of bickering n petty disagreements...... probably a huge contributor to him acting out so terribly in high skl was just all this pent up worried energy with no means of making sense of itself or like. place to go. like shaking a coke bottle over n over n finally having to crack the lid n let it fizz on something. i also think he probably swallowed a lot of jealousy growing up whenever other kids had gd relationships w their fathers or parents in general probably ws kind of like lmfaooooo yo why don’t mine love me like that. in his head...... so ya. i think he copes w anxious feelings by acting out n also fucking if we’re being honest......... it helps him let off steam <3 king of clapping cheeks ig....

chrysanthemum :   how does your muse express romantic love ?  how do they feel about love as a concept ?  

bradley is kind of hard to read romantically like from an outside perspective but slides on my thin rimmed spectacles n picks up my scalpel to delve right in to the nitty gritty of her brain... omg... that sounded... kind of scary actually but. it’s ok. basically settles in. bradley struggles to verbalise her feelings in this regard but also in a general sense honestly.... like she’s spent a lifetime having any vulnerable or negative feeling shut down....... her dad’s the type of personality where it’s like... u can’t win. even tho he’s narcissistic n thinks he’s a god if u compliment him or express affection he’ll act pleased but there’ll also be this register in his eyes where he thinks less of u for it. so this rly had a domino effect in bradley’s emotional expression in all grounds of life...... romance is probably the most frivolous concept to tony so bradley definitely internalised some of these views n wld feel stupid for ever taking anything seriously in that regard or rly investing herself..... she also just. idk. love has only ever left bite marks in bradley’s world so she’d kind of like ‘why wld i ever expose my tender spots n open myself up to someone just so they can sink their teeth in’. i will say tho that like. despite that she can in rare instances develop those feelings n it’s always like..... quite a struggle for her when she does. she doesn’t rly understand it or how to deal w it. she finds talking about it hard n she feels childish or weak in the eyes of whoever knows how she’s feeling. it takes a long time n a lot of work to earn it bt bradley in love is like. ur the only person on the planet who knows how gentle she can b. she’d literally like. touch the face of this one guy i wrote her being in love w when he was sad so gently it was shocking it ws like a love tht deep unlocked a whole other part of her she didn’t know existed. sex is a big part of her love expression jst like. a lot of it. so much. JHGSFKHGSFGKHFKGSHG let’s get it.......... she’s a ride or die n doesn’t do anything in halves. she has a nasty habit of pushing good things away n also wld probably do this to protect the other person bc her world is a never ending shit show with her father’s presence in every room even when he isn’t physically there. she wldn’t wna subject someone she loved to the danger of that bc she hates it enough herself so. idk. smiles w hand on hip. love isn’t something bradley thinks is on the menu fr her bc she’s only ever known it to be hard or mean n why bother trying when that’s the case. it feels like there’s always small print attached tht will hurt her in the end n nothing is free or genuine. very doomed outlook on love in general tbh.

belladonna :   how does your muse respond to silence ?   do they take comfort in soundlessness ,   or seek to fill the void with noise ?  

nyla honestly doesn’t mind silence at all........ they always wake up rly early in the morning no matter what time they went to bed. it’s like someone programmed an oven timer into their brain n often when they wake up at 6am or something they’ll go on walks around irving tottering in their own little world which is quite a quiet experience in itself when the rest of the world’s asleep........... always off on impromptu adventures they came up w on the spot.......... sometimes they get lost in their own train of thought too so they just randomly fall silent bc they’re having a whole conversation w themselves inside their head or like. writing a whole children’s story abt an iguana in a trench coat floating in a hot air balloon smoking a little vintage pipe all the way to peru. honestly for every 1 thing nyla says there’s about 4987295749572592745 things they don’t say tht are x100 times stranger n more nonsensical they sort of let it all drift thru their head like an open sieve for the most part. having said tht i think in order to sleep at night they probably need some sort of white noise or smthn................. it’s handy living in a beach house bc they just leave the window open to let the ocean gush bt sometimes if they’ve snuck into like. mido’s bed fr the night or someone’s bed idk the sound of them breathing works too................. they used to always sleep w bob ross playing on loop n that was rly comforting to them esp bc he reminds them a lot of their dad w his calming voice n energy.............. sometimes they’d have taken smthn n they’d literally hallucinate it as their dad instead of bob ross n this happened so many times in a row fr a period of time tht when they finally watched it sober they were like wtf since when did they recast my dad in this show...... KJHFGSHFGKSHFKGH but also. frowns... bit sad considering.