#i think finding out that other ppl can find me attractive has literally turned my brain into slime

[lovetheorem]

...

[confused-disaster32]

Hi! So you can call this a rant or a vent or whatever I don't rlly care - I just wanted to put some of my opinions out there bc it is eating me inside out to keep my opinions on Alastor's sexuality and all of the discourse about him being shipped to myself.

Also i'd like to state that I'm writing this as someone who is aroace but has no actual wish to be in a romantic relationship and actually struggles to so much as picture what that's be like for myself. I would also like to state how I'm not speaking for the whole community and others will have different opinions to myself.

Firstly - aroace is a spectrum (as someone who is on the aroace spectrum btw) and I completely agree with ppl who say that it is a spectrum and shipping has always existed and you can't rlly stop an entire fandom. My only problem is when ppl completely ignore that he is aroace while doing this, bc to me it seems like there's so much potential to having him have to go through those types of emotions and to write him off as if he's completely allo not only can make some people feel unseen but also just isn't as fun.

Also I kind of believe that he'd possibly date someone for the entertainment - like even if he didn't exactly feel romantic attraction maybe he'd be willing to be around someone closely bc he might like the reactions he'd be getting. (example: he might've stayed in a relationship with Vox maybe not out of pure attraction but if he found out that affection could make the TV short-circuit? He'd be interested)

Adding to that, I personally do not actually ship him with anyone romantically due to his character + the fact that I am projecting my own distaste for romance on him but you do you ig.

Also, on the note of nsfw around him - sometimes you cannot stop a fandom, rule 34 exists and some people who are asexual sometimes may want to have sex and all of that stuff. Personally I think he'd probably be sex-repulsed due to the fact that he canonically has issues with being touched.

ALSO, i personally think that way too many people are brushing over the idea of putting Alastor in a QPR - like that would literally be so awesome.

Alastor x Rosie? Cute af (to me Rosie gives of aro vibes too, but more romance - favourable) like they're already besties and honestly I think that Rosie would defo help him figure out about his identity considering that he's quite obviously not all that sure about slang and stuff.

Vox x Alastor - It has the potential to be SO FUCKING FUN like, you get to experiment with how they feel for each other, maybe what Alastor's got going on bc he died before being aroace was rlly a thing and he'd be confused about how he felt about Vox for sure.

Lucifer x Alastor - I quite like it, ik that Lucifer is supposed to be with Lillith but she did take an extremely long hiatus on her family up in heaven so i think it's okay. Plus the idea of them bonding and becoming close due to Charlie is wonderful.

Even angel and Alastor - maybe after Val Angel doesn't want a super sexual relationship - maybe he's not all that interested in something purely romantic either and though I love huskerdust this would still be pretty cool.

Really all I'm saying is; be considerate. Incorporate the fact that Alastor is Aroace, even if you do ship him - in or out of QPRs - and ofc sometimes writing someone who is part of a group ur not in is difficult (coming from someone who often struggles in writing especially when it comes to romance) but taking a crack at it might actually turn out to be rlly cool.

But please don't ignore his aroace-ness, there's not a huge amount of aroace characters out there and acting like someone isn't can be annoying for ppl who want to find rep around their identity, esp if they haven't seen much before (I can relate and he was one of the first aroace characters I was introduced to after I found out what it meant).

So yeah, that's my piece.

[pumpkinsy0]

PUMPKIN I NEED YOU TO GIVE ME AS MANY REASONS WHY PURLY IS THE BEST SHIP!! MY FRIEND IS TRYING TO CONVINCE ME THAT IT SUCKS AND I NEED TO PROVE HER WRONG

-🍵🧊

this feels like the equivalent of giving the bat signal in the sky for me to come

ANYWAYS LETS GO🚨🚨🚨

shipping papercut is like making a sandwich at subway, u can say it sucks all u want, but my brother in christ, U made it that way, this ship is like one of thee “u can do whatever the fuck u want w these two and u can make it make sense” ship u can possibly have in this fandom, if u dont like papercut, maybe its just UR rendition of it u dont like, pick it up n try it again w different things added to it to see if u like it🙄🙄

this ship is literally at the VERY BASE of it, opposites that compliment each other attracting and high school sweethearts and ur telling me ur not at least a lil interested🤨🤨AND I WASNT KISSING W THE ARTISTIC LIBERTY U CAN TAKE W THESE TWO, they can literally be enemies to lovers, that aloof couple trope, fake dating that turned real, u can even make ur own way on how they got together, u can pick and choose its like an all u can eat buffet, ur not rlly “trapped by canon” here

these r literally two dumbasses together like all the time, just imagine the dumb but sweet things they find themselves doin, and the ppl they annoy, just have a heart

if u like angst, curly was in the reformatory for 6 months after ponys life was quite literally changed forever, curly doesnt quite understand his own emotions, pony tries to see the good in the world while curlys always in trouble, AND THERES OTHERS IF U JUST DIP UR TOES INTO SHIPPING EM, the angst potential is RIGHT there🗣️🗣️

at the very base of this ship, theres nothing wrong w it, theres no weird age gap, they wouldnt be abusive towards each other, and ik some ppl have issues w this but also, but its a rare “not dating within the gang” ship, so u would HAVE to go out of ur WAY to make it weird, literally nothing wrong w this ship

if u love the relationship pony has w the gang, this ship can definitely help u expand on ponys relationship w everyone as a whole and u can show off just how protective the guys can become when it comes to pony in his own romantic relationships, what other ship u know is doin that🤨🤨BARELY ANY OF EM IF U DID NAME SOME🗣️🗣️🗣️

honestly same thing goes w the shepards, theres no other ship where u have angela and tim’s relationships w curly being explored through any other ship

while pony and curly r friends during the outsiders, its obvious they arent THAT close to each other, and so what i find interesting about this ship is that u can imagine their own little relationship actually building up and the trust in each other growing, as time goes on, i just think its cool to see them actually flourish, just make something entirely new because of the other and with each other, in a different way from other ships in this fandom

im a literal suckerrrr for cultural hcs so i love when theres cultural aspects actually shown with this ship i think its so cool bc it can get pretty intimate, like curly showing and introducing pony to parts of his culture???? so intimate actually SO underrated, and thats rlly only something i see done w the shepards and it rubs off on this ship as well and i love it 1000/10 (while we here can i convince u of haitian shepards🤔🤔 /lh)

they have shared experiences!!! yes they r opposites attract but they r also just some guys who r put in the same situation, trying to navigate life and protect each other, together, and even in their personal lives, theres things that should push them away from the other but it doesnt, they r this fandoms ship equivalent of the indomitable human spirit and thats all bc they r stupid lil dudes together

are u not a sucker for a guy whos pretty much been closed off emotionally a good chunk of his life finding someone to share his life w and finally finding learning to chillax once in a while w that person and that person alone cause theyre special to em?? boooooo🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱thats such a good trope

this is like the only ship where u actually have “rival” gangs interacting w each other,,,WHERE IS UR SENSE OF ADVENTURE

every shipper of them is literally so cool, like literally, ive never met a shitty shipper of these two, shipping them is like having a vip pass, and its not even like a huge group of ppl, its a small community, we r like a quiet village, unlike SOME SHIPS HERE🙄🙄

ANYWAYS i rest my case, ur just bein a lil haterrrr

if this aint convince ur friend that they arent at least a lil good, the problem isnt the ship,,,its ur friend,,,drop em immediately, but if this did??? welcome to the cool club

[revehae]

I’m a sagittarius sun/gemini moon/leo rising/scorpio mars/sagittarius venus/scorpio mercury

Literally anything helps 😭😭😭

sag sun/gemini moon can give the impression that you’re always on the move. this is, for one, because they’re both mutable signs and they’re not exactly afraid of change. sagittarius doesn’t like to be confined to pesky little things like routine and gemini is always seeking something to stimulate its constant need for excitement. so you’re probably adventurous and constantly looking for a new experience, and you may dread feeling stagnant or like you’re stuck in the same place.

leo risings in my experience always seem to draw people in a very natural way. you guys don’t have to try, people just automatically love you and want to be friends with you and you may even draw a lot of unwanted attention… this happens to my friend all the time lol like she’s very beloved but sometimes people act overfamiliar with her… particularly when she posts she always reaches more people than she intends which has gotten her in trouble but also earned her a lot of friends! long story short ppl with this placement usually have a lot of charisma

mars in scorpio is a very comfortable place for mars and this basically gives you intense fixed energy in your way of life. mars is all about action/conflict/energy/sex/anger and scorpio is about transformation/sex/power/death/passion. like, you are a warrior. this is a placement that screams mad willpower and determination. but this placement may also make you come across as mysterious and/or secretive which only strengthens my idea that you definitely attract a lot of people into your life 😭 some ppl call scorpio the fire sign of water signs but really it’s just all that passion. you can’t hide it. you might try though! more keywords that come to mind are intuitive, deep, loyal (debatable… you guys don’t tend to just give away loyalty like ppl have to WORK for that. but once you’re in? you’re in for life), etc like that always seems to check out

sagittarius venus i don’t have much direct experience with ppl with this placement but from my understanding, y’all are silly and unserious and playful and adventure-loving. you might get bored easily but at the same time it’s all about not letting things get boring and/or finding someone who helps make sure things are never stale. you are likely attracted to someone who can constantly impress and excite you, and repetition may kinda ruin things for you. and like i said with your sag sun/gem moon, you probably give off the vibe that you don’t stay in the same place for a long time. and you probably would rather be single than be with someone who makes you feel stagnant or trapped

scorpio mercury i have never met a scorpio mercury that liked small talk… but i have met some that use it in a strategic way 😭😭😭 this placement + your venus also makes me think you may be a bad texter. i could be wrong. but i notice things. anyways this + your venus and lowkey everything else also makes me think you are just more fond of deeper convos. you want something fun, something stimulating, something alive. my girlfriend is a scorpio mercury and she does all of the above but she’s also really good at noticing when people are lying to her. the scorpio mercuries i know have really deep and intense thoughts that can draw “????” reactions from others, but it can also make you sick of yourself and wish you could turn your brain off lmao

TL;DR: you’re here for a good time, not a long time lol

[ladyseidr]

happy sinday here's the flirtation headcanon post which def has some suggestive themes lmao. some aren't exclusively abt flirting but who cares lmao

very good at flirting, but maybe a little blunt for some people's taste

knows what she wants and isn't afraid to say it

absolutely will speak French if she thinks sb will find it attractive

big physical flirter—both in a body language sense and in a touch sense ( def has this in common with my william )

technically uses flirtation to keep her distance at times. she doesn't have trust issues per say ( er. well. unless it's post-divorce lmao ) but she has a habit of hesitating to commit at the start of a relationship. she will blow off questions of dating / etc with noncommittal flirting at first

cannot start a flirtation with a stranger to save his life

however: if sb else starts flirting with him, he can usually match the energy and actually isn't a bad flirt

gets significantly better at flirting with sb he has an established relationship with. he loves good flirty banter with someone

loves a good flirtation mind game. he won't initiate one, but he will play into it HARD. yes, it is unhealthy. yes, he does know that. no, he had no plans on changing

will use jealousy and / or challenging his partner as a flirtation tactic "against" them ( if relevant ). not in an immoral way ( as in, he's not going to actually flirt with someone else or something shitty like that ), but he will like. bring up that someone hit on him for literally no reason other than to make his partner jealous and hopefully get fucked out of his mind

( which is to say, yes, jealousy turns him on. and also he himself is extremely jealous, though he tries to hide it if it's uh. not a welcome trait lmao )

FLIRTING. THROUGH. HUMOR.

seriously. loves joke flirting and just very playful flirting in general

not afraid to get blunt with it, lbr. if it's cool, she is going to joke abt ur muse sitting on her face and then, ideally, will follow through with the idea dsfkdshfkal

very charming smile ( literally this is genetic because i have said this about hers, william's, and michael's. singular positive af.ton family trait lmaoooo ) and she uses it

abso-fucking-lutely uses the fact that she's an artist and "you're the perfect muse, can i draw you?" as a flirtation. but also like she genuinely means it every time fdkhfakshdja

literally loves nothing more than hitting sb with a hugely obvious flirtation out of nowhere

if he's flirting and sb doesn't realize?? he is not afraid to literally point it out.

also loves humor as flirting

enjoy giving compliments sm like appearance, skills, personality—it's all fair game

will interrupt ( mild ) bickering with some dumb shit like "god just kiss me already" and not only does it diffuse the situation, it sometimes actually works lmao

despite his own style of flirting, can and will get very sweetly flustered over sb he likes flirting with him unexpectedly

another case of humor for flirting lmao

literally has no qualms abt calling someone hot to their face with absolutely no warning, but in such a weirdly casual way that it won't always be clear whether they're flirting or not ( they are )

despite that, he's very attracted to personality and if he likes someone's personality he becomes much more obviously flirtatious

will back off flirting if he doesn't get a positive response after the first attempt, which can technically backfire if the person doesn't recognize it and / or is just shy. likes clear reciprocity.

their love language is quality time so like. if they're hanging around a lot, they've probably got a crush <3

Flirting With Anxiety ( tm ) dskhsfdkshsaj

no but like literally Won't flirt with sb unless she's 100000% sure they're interested in her. or, like. . . flirts so mildly that it's not recognizable as flirting ( meeeeee )

will blush when flirted with or when flirting herself. literally so easy to read that it hurts and i love that for her

early on / with new ppl will not have quick responses to flirting and will be way more prone to just like. laughing and blushing.

in an established relationship, definitely gets better at flirting and can develop quite a playful flirting style because she feels more confident

honestly if she's acting visibly shy, she likely has a crush / is in the presence of a pretty woman

[webslingingslasher]

https://www.tumblr.com/webslingingslasher/739224380667772928/hi-j-can-i-talk-ab-smth-thats-making-me-sad?source=share

thank you🫶🏻. i read this reply earlier and it made me cry bc you’re the only one who actually cares. thanks for letting me talk. also this is long and i’m v sorry but i just wanted to share w someone. part of it gets deep but i swear u don’t have to reply to that part, i fr just wanna make one point ab guys fighting

i hate violence so much. the jokes ab men punching walls don’t make me laugh and men beating the shit out of other guys to protect their girl isn’t attractive to me. i just hate all of it

it used to be funny and attractive until it wasn’t. my dad was so mad at me yesterday bc he was drunk and i wouldn’t give him more alc, that he punched a wall. i took a pic of the hole in my bedroom door and sent it my friends in our gc and we were laughing so hard at it bc white men and punching walls yk? It was so funny and we kept making jokes/memes ab it til i realised he punched the wall bc he couldn’t punch me (i closed my door and he couldn’t get in) and that’s a weird fucking realisation.

i just don’t like any of it and i’m having a v bad day. i told my mum and brother and nobody gets it. they both blame me. it’s ridiculous. and now i’m convincing myself that i DID do something wrong, when i know i didnt. it’s fucking crazy. he could beat the shit out of me (he wouldn’t) and they’d still find a way to make it my fault.

im gna send u my mums response (english is her 3rd language so ignore the mistakes) and she’s literally blaming me.

for context, my dad has a history of abuse (against my mum, yet she still defends him) and my mum is just as bad.

this is what she texted me:

“Ppl have limitations. If you push them they do things or say things and you turn and call names to those can’t bare any more. You should be a bit more patient and a bit more respectful to your parents

You shouldn’t keep shouting at him. We’re both doing our best even we are not the best I know, but as a return I thing we deserve to be respected , if you are better than us then you should understand what I am saying”

i just feel so alone. i stg it’s like no one understands.

anyways long story short i don’t like violence and i don’t find it attractive. i don’t shame anyone / any girls bc i’m a girls girl at heart, but i hate how people have romanticised violence bc it really does send the wrong message to guys and younger boys growing up and hearing “fights are so hot” and “it’s so sexy when guys beat the shit out of other guys” even if they deserved it. like even tho they wouldn’t do that to you, the reminder that they can makes me sick. i just don’t like it and i feel like i’m the only one :/ violence just makes me icky and anxious and scared even if it’s not directed to me/supposed to “protect me” (when it’s at another guy at a bar or whatever).

thanks for listening to my rant. ur legit my bestie. i have an anon emoji & we’re mutuals/we talk on here like all the time but i don’t wanna use it on this

ily

i don’t think you’re wrong for having this opinion or have it belong in an unpopular opinion category. i think the issue is that violence (esp w. men) has been so desensitized that it’s “normal.”

i also don’t like violence and grew up with an angry man in my home. i will never be an angry man and i will never be with one for that reason. but when i read something fictional i feel like im taking control back (? if that makes sense.) because i can “control” the violence.

your dad was wrong, and it was wrong of your mom to try and protect him. you deserve to feel safe and i’m sorry you don’t. i’m here always <3

[bellewintersroe]

im so so so happy to see that a BoB writer as amazing as you is still active, you have no idea. I would like to ask for a romantic BoB ship if it’s not too much trouble for you? if it is than that’s perfectly fine

if you take a very quick look at my page you’ll see that i’m a little biased 💀, but it is what it is

physically: i’m 5’2, very pale, I have long straight layered brown hair, green eyes & full and (for some reason) always very red lips. I would say i’m skinny, have a small waist, B cups (😭) and a big ass. I dress girly and like to feel pretty

Iam born & raised in Brazil and currently am in medical school (med school process is a bit different around here)

I’m an INTJ, a HUGE introvert (but only w ppl idk), very sarcastic, honest, insecure, and i’m usually the funny friend. I’m welcoming, shy, VERY stubborn, quiet, sweet, really curious and observant. I believe I can read people really well, I laugh all the time, im strong willed and extremely loyal.

i’m not a big flirt and i’m not very easily attracted to most guys but when I see the effects I have on a guy I MELT

I’m always willing to put my safety and comfort at risk to help other ppl, even the ones i’m not really close to actually (it’s became a bit of a problem tbh, I must admit💀). I’m always doing everything I can to see my loved ones happy.

my hobbies are painting, reading, listening to music, going out w close friends and artistic gymnastics. my fav season is the winter and I absolutely LOVE the rain.

ok i’m not the best talking about myself, and doing that in my second language is even worse lol, so I sincerely apologize for anything that may have seem rude or that is grammatically incorrect, I swear I really did try my best.

thank you sm sm for having your requests open 💞💞

hey! So sorry for the long delay in doing these ships!!! My inbox is still open so if anybody does want a ship or a request, let me know <3

also your English is literally amazing, don’t doubt yourself!!

I ship you with … you guessed it, Gene Roe 😏

I literally couldn’t NOT ship you with Gene. I think you’d genuinely be perfect together omg.

First of all your features sound pretty similar, like you’d be such a gorgeous couple and when Gene see’s you he’s literally in awe.

you’re soooo beautiful, omg Gene is almost wide eyed. He loves a short girl, idk why just the fact you’re so petite is very attractive to Eugene.

I think Gene would love your lips fr, like when you’re talking at first he’s very respectful and maintains eye contact, but the more comfortable and close you get together he finds his eyes falling down to your lips and it’s sooo seductive without him even meaning to.

I think two introverts together works perfectly, but as always it’s somehow even more nerve wracking at first? Like it’s a little awkward the first time you’re left alone at the bar- but you can read him so well and he’d be blushing and he’d have the sweetest little smile on his face.

the attraction between the two of you is immediate, there’s such a strong spark- and it’s sooo attractive to you that you can physically tell Gene likes you.

like he has this shy little smile that progressively turns into a smirk when you pay him one on one attention.

Fascinated at the fact you’re Brazilian, so are all the other men, but he asks such respectful and genuinely curious questions about your upbringing and culture.

I think Gene would be a big foodie, especially after the war he can’t get enough of anything omg- so he’d be keen to try Brazilian food I feel like??

idk just wants to know more about you in general. I think when he finds out you’re studying in med school his ears kinda perk up and this is when he becomes less introverted with you.

he’d ask you so many questions and I think whenever he’s anxious about something he feels comfortable enough to turn to you about his worries of becoming a medic in the army.

Because you’re so sweet and observant you catch his worries from a mile off and I think depending on the type of question Gene was worried about- you could laugh about it with him, or genuinely sit and give him good advice.

So he pretty much just falls in love more and more every time he see’s you. I think at this point, once you’ve become more open with each other he’d find more reasons to spend time with you.

lets out the cutest laugh and blushes when you make a joke.

When you two kiss for the first time I can imagine Gene being shocked that you’re so flustered.

Obviously you’ve literally made him blush and stammer for so long and now he’s doing the same to you? Omg he’s in shock.

whenever he makes you blush he’s stroking his thumb over your cheek- ugh he’s so soft.

Maybe you do something a little too risky for him, like you either could’ve got badly hurt or in alottttt of trouble to protect Gene.

Gene gets a little annoyed, not angry, but he’s a little sharp like “why’d ya do that?!!???” He’s in shock. But you’re soooo sweet and he’s too grateful for you, but hates the idea of you getting hurt or in trouble for him. He’d never forgive himself.

very mutual energy, you both take care of one another, you’d take a bullet for one another. There’s an element of protectiveness for another, I’d say you’re both fairly introverted so when you go out and something happens uhhhhhhhh you’d both definitely just enjoy relaxing in the comfortability of your bed together.

Gene isn’t used to cold winters, especially living in Louisiana, so you’d probably drag him out into the snow and I feel like at first he’s like wtf is this shit.

you build a snowman together, and throw snowballs at him- he’d be so gentle but when he gets playful he’d get a little too excited and accidentally plops you into the snow.

throws himself down with you and kisses you- soooo romantic oh my god.

fascinated by you doing artistic gymnastics. He wants to watch you practice but I think he’d be a little worried of coming across weird? Nah he’s too cute, he’d support you so much.

Gives you the biggest hugs ever, comes up behind you and wraps his arms over you- ugh I’m a sucker for this man and so are you- lots of forehead and cheek kisses- lingering gazes as well oh my godddddd.

your love would be so beautiful and pure, you’d be such a beautiful couple and I think your relationship would just be super super happy- I can’t omfg.

[frizzy-frizz-frizz]

I wanted to copy and paste my fave bits of what you said about kevjean but all of its amazing and I love it "kevin and jean are so intrinsically tied together, they know each other first and foremost." Kill me now jesus christ "kevin had to leave and jean couldnt." Literally just stab me in the chest "that is where the song ends almost as abruptly as the books" im screaming???? I literally did not think of this but you're so right oh my god let me go listen to this song again right now

"Also is it just me or does it feel like neil josten, 'demisexual who never really understood his own attraction' is listening to this while making a kevin day binder on the run" you've honest to god read my mind that's exactly what I'm associating when I listen to the song. His obsession and jealously and the binder and if one of them had to make it he wanted it to be kevin. Also "I can't dare to dream about you anymore" him on the run for sure but also when both of them thought neil was going to be dead by the end of the year

"oh to be a random exy fan in the aftg universe." Honestly the edits ppl would make would be incredible

"NEIL REMEMBERING WHAT KEVIN WAS LIKE AS A KID" BABE YOU GET ME THIS IS SO IT "known for who you know, you know you'll always know me" kevin being the one thing from his past that he wanted to keep that he was still attached to. Also the song reminds of the name of the game by dayurno (it killed and revived me) and Neil just watching Kevin's game in chapter 2 and just fucking marvelling over him

BELIEVE?? The way he has so much faith in Neil and Andrew the way he sees so much potential in them and insists on dragging it out

THROUGH THE GHOST?? "ITS SO KEVIN" You're so right tho the world will never know him like he knows himself him looking at his past self not being able to recognise himself anymore it's all so good

Also I know I said I've never considered nothing new with him in mind but now that I have him in mind it's just "HOW DOES A PERSON KNOW EVERYTHING AT 18 BUT NOTHING AT 22" ALSKSK "WOULD YOU STILL LOVE ME IF I WAS NOTHING NEW???" MY GOD

I adore him to primadonna I've always thought the song was so him and I'm glad for the agreement "all I wanted was the world" "the rise the fall" "you say that I'm kinda difficult" "I know I've got a big ego I really don't know why it's such a big deal though" LIKE HELLO IT WORKS SO WELL

ALSO I NEED YOUR THOUGHTS ON MY TEARS RICHOCHET "And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want, just not home" Kevin directly after leaving the nest??? Or directly after joing it "And you're the hero flying around, saving face" the ravens pretending it was a skiing accident??? "You turned into your worst fears" Honestly there are a couple of ppl that could be referring to

TEEN IDLE "The pretty lies the ugly truth And the day has come where I have died Only to find I've come alive" him leaving the nest thinking his life was over to everything that came after

You'd be paranoid too is a song I've literally never heard of but jesus christ "I learned to live with these eyes in my closet Hands in my pockets Alone but surrounded" growing up famous?? In the nest?? ALONE BUT SURROUNDED???

Overwhelmed is literally every anxiety/panic attack scene from the books and I lost a friend kinda makes me think its about him towards riko in like a very "how did I lose a friend I never had"

God this is probably longer than the first message I'm so sorry its gotten out of hand but unfortunately I'm not done

My brain fucking perked up when it heard my alcoholic friends I have no idea why is sounds so familiar but its such a great rec I'm obsessed it fits and it's such a fun song to bop to for some reason

I'm obsessed with willow as a kandrew song kevin is so "They count me out time and time again" and "I come back stronger than a 90s trend"  "Rough on the surface but you cut through like a knife" HELLO "I'll meet you after dark" night practice??? "Show me the places where the others gave you scars" That one fucking scene where Andrew takes his left hand and checks it over I can't deal

This is me trying is so very very Kevin it's hard to just pick a singular line. ALSO Liquid Smooth LIQUID SMOOTH

Anyway I think this is longer than the last ask lmao

i dont mind at all that this is longer than the first message. in fact i am ECSTATIC. im so glad you're liking the playlist, its the BEST feeling

the kevjean dynamic has me in a chokehold i cant stop thinking about them. i feel so validated rn FINALLY someone gets my attachment to that song

"Also "I can't dare to dream about you anymore" him on the run for sure but also when both of them thought neil was going to be dead by the end of the year" GOD and when he looks at kevin that night, kevin who wanted to give him everything the world has to offer and, "will you still teach me?" "Every night" i am DECEASED. THIS SONG. IT MAKES ME THINK OF THAT SCENE AGAIN

SAME dororthea and liability and lost remind me so much of 'the name of the game'...i should reread it again...

believe hit so close to my heart AND YEAH YOU GET IT. kevin's unflinching faith and trust in those two always astounds me. he's the kind of person who just see right through you. past the words and pretensess, right down to your core. just looks at you and sees everythinig you are. everything you could be. and THEN he tells you that you can make it. that you can do it all. he puts the world and all it offers within your reach for the first time and- OF COURSE andrew and neil are obsessed with him. and, no one had ever told them they were worth it before. these three will be the end of me i swear.

"LORD WHAT WILL BECOEM OF ME ONCE IVE LOST MY NOVELTY" YES YES EXACTLY. it so perfect. even the AGES are right.

YES my alcoholic friend s sounds so familiar and i think its cause it sounds like a marina song?? somehow?? but mostly i added it cause of the last verse, "Should I choose a noble occupation? If I did I'd only show up late and sick,

"And they would stare at me with hatred Plus my only natural talent's wasted on my alcoholic friends"

KEVIN FEELING LIKE HE'S TIED TO EXY LIKE. he will keep going back to exy. even if he got to choose to do something else, showing up late and sick, his natural talents only on display on a court.

"ALL I EVER WANTED WAS THE WORLD" YES THANK YOU its works so so well

disclaimer: you might not agree with me at all about my tears ricochet and that's totally fine, my interpretation is VERY self indulgement.

hear me out, i associate my tears ricochet with post-baltimore kandrew. specifically the fallout and the arguments and guilt and pain that followed. because not only does andrew have to earn back kevin's trust, they both have to rebuild their relationship from the ground up. SO imagine my tears ricochet as that process

"I didnt have it in myself to go with grace, cause when id fight you used to tell me i was brave" kevin is all caustic, brutal honesty. he would hurt, and he wouldn't soften the blow. but he'll always come back

"Cursing my name, wishing I stayed, you turned into your worst fears" I FIRMLY believe andrew has had some horrible horrible thoughts about being like every person who's hurt kevin. of kevin being afraid of him. he would throw all of himself into

"We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean. Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring" kevin and andrew know each other all too well. they're the only ones who can truly push each other. remember when kevin walked intllo court with a raquet in his right hand and andrew was right behind him?? When kevin made andrew TRY for the sake of it?? ('UNSTOPPABLE FORCE VS IMMOVABLE OBJECT' DYNAMIC MY DARLING)

"And you can aim for my heart, go for blood,but you would still miss me in your bones" You think after calmed down from the fear of losing neil he'd see those bruises on Kevin's throat and NOT panic?? That the thought of losing kevin wouldn't send him into a full blown panic? Bullshit. and KEVIN who after it all keeps choosing andrew, who keeps putting faith in him, WOULDN'T keep trying to rebuild?? listen those two are practically melded together okay

"and I still talk to you (when im screaming at the sky)" ANDREW ON THE ROOF

"You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same" IM SOBBING THESE TWO THEY END ME I WILL NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT THEM

I HAVE MORE KANDREW SONGS THAT I HAVENT ADDED YET BUT I WILL

I have so many kandrew songs

I think of them too often

To be honest, I associate 'I lost a friend' to kevin and jean. specifically kevin thinking about jean and all the emotions that come with. this is, once again, about kevin running away to the foxes and jean being at the nest. BUT for extra sad you can remember all the drafts nora wrote where Jean died.

ALSO I like you thoughts on the song being about kevin and riko. riko who he was friends with once, when they were very young. who promised him they'd make court together. who got worse and worse until, soon enough, there might as well have been no trace of the boy who was kevin's friend

WILLOW KILLED ME ITS SO THEM YOU'RE SO RIGHT

"Wherever you stray, ill follow, begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans" not kevin and andrew barging into each other lives and refusing to let the sink, stubbornly staying afloat and lifting each other up. utterly craving each others plans and expectations of the future. Andrew digging his heels into the ground and yet following Kevin and he promises andrew the world and them drags him towards it

"Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind" and "Like you were a trophy or a champion ring, and there was one prize I'd cheat to win" ANDREW ABOUT KEVIN who pushes and pushes and constantly gives all he has and demands the best

"Wait for the signal and I'll meet you after dark, show me the places where the others gave you scars" Just. THEM. IM SOBBING

more kandrew recs:

Silence by marshmello, Im not okay by weathers, 505 by arctic monkeys, I am not a robot by marina, (twin sized mattress and lost are already on the playlist), and MOST IMPORTANTLY,

wolves without teeth by monsters and men THIS SONG IS SO. THEY ARE SO. its perfect to me.

[grntaire]

gender? i hardly know her!!!

(ranting abt my gender and sexuality. prob more personal than i should put on the internet but i am feeling Raw)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i literally do not know. who i am lmao. i identified as cis (afab) and bi from the age of like, 13 i think? and that didn't change until i was 22 or so and i was like... she/they?? maybe?? which turned into they/she which turned into they/them which led me to nonbinary and pansexual which is where i've been chilling. but i don't even know if that feels right. like yes i am a girl but no i'm not a woman (i'm 25 so like, that Should Be a descriptor that i feel comfortable with. but it's not?) but im also not a girl either. my gender is more akin to like, the embodiment of chaos, lmao. i am everything and nothing all at the same time.

(i'm gonna use very much binary language here–i've personally only ever been with cis men or cis women, so when i use the binary language i'm specifically referring to it in terms of my experience) my sexuality is even more confusing to me now which is crazy?? my first crush was on a boy, and i had crushes on boys and girls through middle school and high school. i had a crush on my best friend in middle school and she was my first kiss. it felt like magic and i loved every second of kissing her. i ended up breaking up with her after a month or so and i still to this day don't know why. i think i was feeling like, constricted in it. drowning in the attention. also i was 13 and was living on a diet of nothing but nutella and pretzels so who the fuck knows lmao.

but as a teenager it oddly seemed so much more clear to me? my attraction to ppl was different and based off of their gender. like for me, my attraction towards girls was very emotionally based and the more i got to know them the more i wanted to be physical with them, too. with boys it was kind of the opposite, in a way, but not always. i didn't date any girls in high school–i had a big ol crush on one in particular but that was my Oh, She's Straight moment. i dated two boys. the first was a super nice dude who i hope is doing well. i broke up with him after 7 months or so i think? i was straight up convinced i was a lesbian. and then i dated a boy like two months later. i was OBSESSED with this dude. like, hormones gone wild, really just wanted to destroy this mf. he broke up w me after a month out of the blue, and i was devastated for a minute. in college i dated a dude for 2.5 years. he sucks.

my current partner is a man, we've been together for about 2 years. he is the kindest person i know. and yet i still constantly find myself second guessing everything. which, granted, i've always done. when i've been with women i second guess everything too. i think they're intrusive thoughts, and they'll look like "do you even like men/women?" a lot of it, too is that i don't think i've had the feelings of A Crush since i was a teenager, truthfully. i mean w my partner now, i'd get excited when his name would pop up on my phone, but there was no like, pining or whatever. loving him has always been easy and we got together easy.

so where i sit now is that i love my partner. but do i want an open relationship? am i poly? what if i like, actually am a lesbian and it's been comphet this whole time? but i have felt like, absolutely feral abt men before. but then i'll be like, fuck, what if the whole time i've been straight? but is that just from the desire to feel wanted? from the societal pressure to feel wanted by a man? that the act of being wanted by a man is proof that i am attractive enough and worthy? or am i second guessing these things bc my partner isn't what i need in a partner, regardless of gender. do i need someone more extroverted, who matches my energy more? can i bear the weight of being the outgoing one? and how do i cope with the fact that by choosing a partner i'm loosing connections that i could be forging with other people? but even if i'm poly, what does that mean for me? for my partner?

i am Overthinking so much. all of the time. and how much of it is intrusive thought and how much of it is... not, is incredibly hard to discern. i feel deeply tied to my queerness but i don't even know what my queerness is.

ik this is very oversharing but if u read this i appreciate u. u gay people in my phone make me feel less alone sometimes, mwah.

[gibbearish]

just took your uquiz lol! about being trans! what do you think it could mean if I wanted to be a guy but didn’t really mind being who i am? it’s not even any guy, it’s like specific guys (like actors,. I don’t know). Sometimes people say they’d rather be an ugly guy than a good looking woman, and I couldn’t relate less. Part of the reason I’m so scared about this (and it’s a big part) is that I’m just so terrified of being ugly. I’m finally conventionally attractive after years of trying to be, and now I’m scared I won’t be anymore. I’m wondering if maybe the first time i thought i was trans i went about it the wrong way (i was obsessed w masculinity, cut my hair, things like that). And is it even worth it doing anything about it if I’m not dysphoric? I’m also very scared about the finding someone to love me and also losing all my friends and family thing (100% will happen). This whole maybe not ever finding a guy to love me thing is really bothering me, too. You can ignore this I’m just venting a lot. Sorry.

hey friend! i think it could help out a lot if you looked into the idea of gender euphoria. the quick description essentially is the opposite of dysphoria, where rather than "being x makes me feel bad," its "being x makes me feel good". there's been a lot of discourse about this over the years and you will still find people out there who will be shitty, but as someone with dysphoria, i have always fallen firmly on the "you do not need dysphoria to be trans" side of things. i believe that if it makes you happy to be a specific way, you shouldnt have to hate being the way you are to be allowed to pursue that. i dont have to turn down a cheesecake just because i don't hate poundcake, suffering is not a requirement to get to the things that make you happy.

i will also say, to me it does sound like a lot of this struggle is based around your ideals irt attractiveness, and while that is very human, it sounds like you also know that your relationship with that is somewhat unhealthy? like, yes, people by and large want others to think they look nice, but that shouldnt come between you loving the body you're in. there are billions of people with billions of opinions and you will never be able to satisfy all of them, and if you try then all those opinions pulling in different directions will draw and quarter you lol. so to me it sounds a bit like itll be hard for you to really unravel your thoughts irt your gender until you're able to work through those hangups around attractiveness? or even that these may be something youll have to unravel in tandem

something that might help start that is next time youre feeling unattractive, rather than pulling away from that feeling or changing something about your look or wallowing in it, take some time to sit with it as a friend. ask it what's so scary about being unattractive. is it societal pressure telling you Girls Have To Be Pretty? is it your parents picking apart your appearance often? is it your friends treating you poorly because of your looks? figure out what it is that has created the unattractive=bad association in your mind, find who has been punishing you (literally or metaphorically) for looking "bad", and ask if you actually did anything wrong that deserves punishment by simply existing on your default settings, or if perhaps it wasnt actually about you at all, and was just about those peoples insecurities. when you pay attention, you start to notice that 99% of the time, attacks against others are defensiveness, they are insecure about something and something you did or said reminded them of it, so now they feel uncomfortable and want it to stop, and the way you do that is either investigate why, or take it out on someone else. and investigating why feels bad and takes a lot of time, so, yknow. path of least resistance, most people will lash out. and that does suck, but in my experience, realizing that made it a thousand times easier to not worry abt other ppls opinions' anywhere near as much. the way that i look is the way that /i/ like, not how society does, because im the one that has to live with me 24/7. society can deal with the horrific terrible burden of seeing me getting gas looking like a 1 occasionally, bc like literally how does that effect them yknow? theyre not harmed in any way by me existing and not looking how they want me to, and it would be weird for them to expect that of me because I Didnt Know They Existed Before Now so how could i possibly dress for them? and why would i?

(that can help w insecurities too ime is like. imagine someone else saying those things to you, would you think theyre an asshole and tell them to fuck off? if yes, you have permission to tell your brain the same thing)

as far as finding someone to love you, i definitely feel that fear but 1000% you have nothing to worry about. the adult queer scene is bursting to the seams with people who will want whatever it is that youre bringing to the table like a man lost in the desert for fifty years being offered a crisp mcdonalds sprite. "but what about-" yes that too. like, enough that they had to make a word specifically for cis people who Really Really Want To Date Trans People A Creepy Amount to distinguish between them and respectful ppl. i promise your dating pool is not small, you're just still in school and/or a small town and dont have access to them yet. give it time, you have decades ahead of you

as far as family and friends, honestly, yeah, you might lose them, im not gonna sugar coat that. and that sucks . so much. and i can tell you theres more people out there to befriend and that you can build a new family but id bet thatd hit about as well as it hits for me. bc truth is that yeah, you can make a new family, but that just isn't the same. there will still be a little hole in your heart reserved for the accepting and loving family and friends you deserved. and i cant really offer any advice on making that go away if thats how it turns out bc its still there for me.

but i also gotta say? the hole is a lot easier to deal with than the knife that put it there. theres still a painful spot but at least im not still actively being hurt More by them. so like im trying very hard not to just say "fuck em who needs em" here bc i know its not that easy and for a lot of people that isn't the right answer anyways, but yknow. thats what i did and im doing better, and at the end of the day i can really only speak from my own experience. either way, just know that there are in fact people out there who will accept and love you regardless of who you are or how you look, and in fact will encourage you to do things that make you look "worse" by society's standards if it makes you happy.

anyways. i hope that wasnt too depresso there, i think ill finish this off by addressing "is it even worth doing anything about it if im not dysphoric?": imo, yes, absolutely. there are parts of me that i wasnt dysphoric about before starting t that now make me ridiculously happy. i never knew i wanted chest hair and yet now i sometimes just sit here staring at it like "!!!!!!". you deserve a body that makes you happy. not a body that makes the people around you happy, not a body you can tolerate, a body that makes YOU happy. you could probably tolerate living in a featureless square apartment with all the bare essentials and 0 decorations if it was cheap, but would it make you happy? personally, i think you deserve to put up posters even if the world thinks theyd look dumb.

[eztowkativeworld]

Interview/podcast with myself ep1: goss and trust

:so gossip, they say that i have them, alot of them, and i really cant defend myself anymore cus its true right?

:absolutely, people will come straight for you or used to right?

:ya, i mean i dont find gossip it finds me, yk giving i dont chase i attract vibes

:and can we pleaseee stop the nonsense gossips

:well all gossips are nonsense right?

:i mean yeah kind of

:its the who is being talked abt thats important and makes the gossip MORE valuable and juicy and more interesting to hear!

:i mean do i like the fact that i spreqd gossip around? no ofc! but im not the one who made that certain goss, half the time, i just get it from my sources then it just slides into different conversations i have with friends and alot other ppl and yk that can fkng start a conversation lets be fr.

:totally! and the only important part abt spreading it is that u have ur identity protected, nobody will know that it was YOU who spread goss, in short, nobody will snitch and tell it to other people that it was u who spread.

:exactly! like i had this one friend who had MAJOR goss issue but only my how can i say this, a certain circle of friends only know it, she was like, i dont wanna make this a bigger deal so lets keep it between us all yk this group, BUT IM ME I want deals to be bigger, but ofc I gossed it to my other friend and turns out she already knows it because another gorl from the groupchat, that circle, has already told her, because they on the same circle, so im like ok thats cool, it was actually hilarious, because we laughed at it, and seriously i thought i was the first to break but no.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

:now lets talk abt loyalty thats something

:thats really something

:for you what does it mean to be loyal anyway?

:well, loyalty really depends on how they treat you and yk the treatment u get, for me if i see and know that ive basically crossed mountains, swam across oceans and eat dirt just to be a friend for you and youll just basically hurt me and treat me like fkng trash i dont know why i should be fkng loyal to you anymore

:that makes sense

:but, that doesnt mean i wont be your friend, its just that I will be finding other ppl to hang out with, talk to, and be more loyal to

:yeah,same with trust yk, cant mend something that can easily crush in to alot of peices, and think that a simple sorry can bring it back yk, its not just like that, yk, its not like microwaving cold food for u to eat warm, its not that simple.

:i agree totally.

:and if u let it like be like that, yk, u trust them like immediately after ur trust on them got broken, thats not healthy. really youll just get urself hurt again and again if u just trust them that quickly

:literally.

:ppl who really give their trust to other people like that really quick are fools, im sorry ik that sounds rude or smth, but ye, as humans we must have the ability to think "is this person a real friend?" yk we must think twice before trusting them that quick.

:absolutely. trusting someone is really really antagonizing thats why some have trust issues as they call it.

:at the end of the day, people are the ones at fault how they do shit, how they treat others, care for others in short theyll be the main reason why people hurt, hurt each other rather.

:that ends this episode.

:great

my mind is now unboggled till next time!

[snonkerdoodledreams]

although tbh I feel like a freak bc I don't have a romantic partner. Like. Everybody around me has rizz and social confidence to find someone they're close to and love...and I fuckin don't. I could blame it all on having a dysfunctional family and trauma and all that but the truth is that I have nobody but myself to blame. I feel like if I didn't see what other ppl have I'd feel better...so I wasn't reminded of what I. Don't. Have.

like...HOW? how the HELL did you find someone so fucking...genuine?!?! Loves you? Cares for you? All I want is to know that someone knows me inside and out but do you know how fucking scary that is?!

I feel like a freak. I want to die. I am such an abnormal piece of shit that I can't even find someone who loves me. I don't think I experience a lot of sexual attraction towards anybody but my celeb crushes. Maybe a girlfriend if I had one. Theoretically, I would want sex. But practically?

I don't know. The thought of a random person touching me makes my stomach turn. The thought of, realistically, even a favorite rockstar having sex with me makes my stomach turn (a little less, but I still feel scared)...don't take me srsly on this, guys. After all. What the fuck am I talking about? I'm a virgin...haha...

But back to the point...how do I find someone that I can love? Nobody. Fucking. Knows. Me. The only friends I have are from school but they all have different sets of friends...my mother would never let me have a bf and gf would prolly get me shunned by her (would she go so far to kick me out? Idk)

I don't have ppls number other than friends and if I do, they see me as a fuckin nerd who acts weird sometimes (comes out of shell. I'm a fuckin weird person.) Too scared to talk to anyone...see.

Other people have like. Social circles that they can talk to. They're the kind of people who, well, talk to others outside of a school setting. They talk on weekends maybe. Text a little. Relationship blossoms. They just. Hang out with other ppl outside of a professional environment.

And I don't. God forbid, heaven fucking forbid I ever do that...I just...don't?? I don't get ppl. I don't mesh with society. I don't know the latest gen z slang or TikTok trend or whatever. Don't know what they're talking about bc I don't pay attention to the stuff they're obsessed with. I don't get when ppl are being sarcastic sometimes...my jokes go over sideways most of the time. Even when I'm talking with my best friend we just talk about memes funny stuff or just rant. Not rlly that deep...I feel like I have different personalities depending on who I'm interacting with (DIFFERENT SIDES OF MYSELF. I ACT DIFFERENT I THINK DIFFERENT BUT IM STILL MYSELF ITS NOT DID I SWEAR). So it's impossible for anyone to get to know me. I'm the idiot who doesn't know what she's doing...one of my friends knows she can tell me anything and she has struggled with being left out a lot...and she told me about how she recently got included at something and it made her feel so great.

Am i overanalyzing things? Or have I really been floating on my own cloud for so long that I think being this way is normal? I don't think it is normal to feel the way I do...BUT I CANT FUCKING EXPLAIN WHAT I FEEL, I DONT HAVE THE FUCKING WORDS!!! And my fucking therapist will probably say that it's...all in my head? Nothing I need to worry about? Maybe ur just overcomplicating things, it's normal, blah blah blah. Cuz that's what my dad would say if I told him. I DONT HAVE THE WORDS BUT I KNOW I FEEL THIS WAY. JUST. DIFFERENT. NOT FITTING IN. NOT MESHING. NOT LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE WITH FUKING NORMAL LIVES

I feel so different and I don't know who I am. Other ppl my literal fucking age have this shit figured out (I think) and start knowing other ppl. Loving them. Knowing the other person very well. Well enough to love them. Well enough to even have sex. Why can't I do that?

Oh. I know. I'm different. A freak. A leech who wants to mooch off love and never give it back. I feel like I take too much and never give back and my therapist says that "you're perfect the way you are" and I'm like "no bitch. NO IM NOT. IM A FUCKING FREAK THATS DIFFERENT FROM THE REST OF FUCKING SOCIETY." (I feel like a mental case sometimes...bc I am dysfunctional human in fact that I don't do anything normally and have fucking madd, my paraself is better than me...)

Whenever I talk about having trauma and everything, I feel like a faker. Like I'm over exaggerating for clout and bc I did that, everyone believes me and when I say it feels like clout chasing, they say it's not. Everyone means my therapist and y'all. Clout means sympathy etc. I feel like a paraself who was more abused than I was is the one talking. I feel like a paraself, not my true self, whenever I talk about shit like this and tell myself "maybe you DO have that." I just. Feel fake.

tl;Dr: rant about not having romantic partner, wondering how everyone else does it, ranting that idk how to interact with ppl and I can't do it, that I'm different, feeling fake.

[gaymerasmus]

Ayo, i've arrived for a tf2 matchup bc im assuming ur requests r open? If not we'll pretend this never happened💀 My pronouns are she/he, i'm 5'4, my MBTI is INTJ and my sun sign is gemini. I'm VERY into metal/goth culture and 80s pop/industrial and i wear alot of makeup and dress for shock value p much. I have 10 piercings and a single finger tattoo but i def want more of both soon. I can play bass but not professionally.

I do not seem approachable at all partly due to my fashion choices but also bc of my resting bitch face and mean spirited sarcasm. I harbor severe anger issues that i luckily control most of the time. I keep people at arm's length, even purposefuly "unsettling" them to test them if they are willing to hang out around me since i am p intense as you can tell. Once comfortable around someone i DO NOT stop talking. I love debates/mental stimulation so anyone who's willing to "handle me" and engage into the convo would be ideal.

On another hand, i have a bad habit of bottling up any emotion that isn't anger so i'm def not the best at showing any feelings. I am hyper aware so i can def tell if someone likes me it's just that i myself suck at expressing lmao. The least i do is drop hints and "annoy" others by making up excuses to hang around them.

As for interests, i'm big on sociology, psychology (very fond of analyzing ppl), philosophy as well as being intrigued by anatomy. I love horror and true crime media and am fond of binging movies and videos of said nature.

That would be all, tysm if u so decide to do it💜

Sorry for the wait I hope you like it :))) you've been paired with

Mr. Mundee Motherf*cking Snoipah!

It took one look at you to activate this man's Simp neuron and it has not turned off since.

Maybe a little "opposites attract" but something about the difference in your style really gets him going.

Adding on to that point, it seems like that difference also plays into your dynamic personality-wise. Unless he's been drinking (or hanging around you) he really doesn't speak much, but loves to listen to you ramble.

The only exception to this would be when he feels like going back and forth on things you both find interesting. Anyone outside of this might say it looks like bickering more than a debate, but he really does love talking with you. He can't help but smile when your face lights up as you think up another point to make.

Another difference would be how you act when you realize the other has caught feelings. You may not show it much, but that doesn't stop Sniper from straight up asking if you've developed feelings at the first hint. He would also be extremely blunt about how he feels in return, but he definitely won't say anything if you don't question it.

However it really isn't that difficult to tell with him. He finds you distracting, to say the least. It's very easy to catch him staring at your newest outfit or makeup, or just you altogether. Blushes like crazy when you call him out on it though.

Sometimes on a slow day he might try to find you on his scope, nestled away in his tower where he can (spy) admire you in peace.

He'll definitely say like "hate to see you leave, love to watch you go" or something corny like that to flirt.

He'll never admit it but he enjoys the company you offer. He spends a lot of time alone and, despite it being "just work", sometimes he can't help but feel isolated.

So, even though you do sometimes really annoy him, he loves having you around. He wouldn't mind the occasional visit to his nest while he's working, he might even give you a shot at sniping people.

Oh and good luck trying to ruffle his feathers. Dude's literally died (by his coworker's own hand) seen heaven and came back (also by his coworker's hand). Not to mention before that he tied up his boss and other coworker and threatened to mutilate them for answers about his parents. Man is the master of being unsettled, but he doesn't mind you trying.

Part of why you get along so well may also be because Sniper is an Aries! (I did a little sleuthing and found NOTHING so I drug myself though as many birthday headcanons as I could find and came out with January 23rd.) Gemini and Aries are often paired together because of their shared habit of connecting on an intellectual level.

All of this points toward a match that would be stimulating as well as understanding. Wether it be work or personal reservations, Sniper isn't one to let people get too close too often. So when he feels a connection with you he can't stop himself from wanting to be spoiled by your company. He just thinks you're really cool <3

[bratz-kitten]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS [part 5]

— people with jupiter in the 8th may experience an “abundance” of traumatic experiences throughout life, often relating to death; these are the people who truly feel like everyone they love ends up dying. at their worst, they can become desensitized to death— jupiter is ruled by sagittarius, a sign known for being in denial when in difficult situations in favor of optimism. these natives can pretend like nothing actually happened, or minimize the situation in their head so that they don’t have to face it.

— okay this might be a weird one... like, you know in asoiaf when arya was walking through the streets and was always like “i’m as quiet as a shadow”? that’s literally the energy of someone with planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house. these people are so stealthy. they’re able to move so quietly and without anyone noticing, both literally and figuratively. on one hand, they’re very quiet about their plans and ambitions to the point where other people only find out when they’re achieving success over it; on the other hand, they just. don’t like making noise while walking idk bitch you’ll only see me coming when i’m right beside you, i even get paranoid that i’m breathing too loud and that other people will hear 

— people with moon aspecting mars can be incredibly impulsive when they feel hurt or triggered. yall need to be careful with doing things in the heat of the moment that you know you’ll regret later... but in the moment, you feel so hurt that it clouds your rational side. please be more self-aware about this because you may make decisions that will directly affect you for the worse in the future 

— people with leo mars ft. constantly asking you for pictures... about anything. they just wanna SEE LMFAO THEY DON’T CARE WHAT IT IS THEY’RE SEEING. you just got ready to go out? “send pics of your makeup and your full outfit”. you’re waiting in a long boring line to get the covid vaccine? “send pics of the line”. your mom baked cake? “send pics of the cake”. plus they send so many random pictures while texting, it’s their special love language

— having moon conjunct moon/venus in synastry feels insane. you tell them something you’ve been through, and they’re immediately like “that happened with me as well.” it doesn’t even have to be something grand, sometimes just very specific things you thought were particular about you. the amount of understanding that comes with this aspect in synastry can feel very new and intense especially if you’re used to seeing yourself as the “odd one out”, used to feeling isolated in your experiences 

— people with pluto in the 1st house often feel the need to erase “traces” of their existence, for example deleting messages that they sent people, deleting all of their social media posts. they can feel anxious and paranoid about other people having access to their past self, even if the past self in question is from, like. a week ago 

— people with chiron in the water houses (4th/8th/12th) might’ve suffered bullying to the point where they repress their memories. a lot of their memories of their school years may feel foggy if they were bullied in those years

— also. people with chiron in the 8th house may feel as though they’ve been punished for wanting to experience intimacy. it’s like, the people who were supposed to be the closest to them – for example, their sibling or something – were the ones who hurt them the most. 

— people with mercury-neptune aspects and strong pisces/neptune energy in their birth chart might struggle with only remembering things when they’re right in front of them. you should keep things in your peripheral vision to remind you of reality, especially when it comes to feelings— so that you won’t start getting lost inside your own head. like... keep the letters your friends wrote you by your bedside table so you can read them every time your brain starts convincing you that you’re not loved. keep the gifts you’ve been sent on display in your bedroom wall, or sentimental material things that remind you of past happy experiences.

— earth placements and their thing for asmr... omfg. it’s like they’re always looking for things to up their sensory experience/sensitivity. like, earth signs are the ones most connected to worldly experiences so they feel so soothed with the whole asmr experience: just hearing someone gently whispering or tapping on/scratching things calms them down and helps them fall asleep. they love the tingles it’s heaven for them

— moon-saturn aspects might hold and caress themselves while they sleep because their parents never did. yes i woke up and chose violence <3 your secret is NOT safe with me 💋

— while we’re on the topic of sleeping, a majority of the pisces moons i know need to sleep while hugging something, at least a pillow. they can’t just not hug something while they sleep, it’s very instinctive for them. anyways if any pisces moon needs a pillow to hold, i volunteer as tribute 💋

— virgo placements feel sososo soothed by hearing their cats purr. thinking about how my virgo placement friends are always the ones who send me videos of them petting their cats... and then i get soothed by how soothed they feel. it’s a win win situation, if you have virgo placements it’s hereby your duty to send me a video of you petting your cat while they purr. right now. GO

— people with gemini in the 3rd house might have shaky movements of the hands when other people look at them doing things. very specific i know but the third house rules hands and gemini is a sign that has somewhat of an anxious, twitchy quality to it. on the other hand, people with capricorn in the 3rd house (scorpio risings, using whole signs) have the steadiest hands i’ve ever seen lol their movements ooze confidence, these bitches know how to make you feel as thought they know exactly what they’re doing

— people with venus in the 1st house ft. altering their pics with photoshop and hating posting selfies without filters because they never feel like their appearance is good enough. stop it. you don’t need to always look your best and especially not if your ‘best’ isn’t even what you actually look like. also... don’t even think about making self-deprecative jokes about your appearance. next time i find one of yall saying “ahaha im not bad for a 5 without talent” i’m squishing your head between 2 pieces of toast and calling you an idiot sandwich. you’re BEAUTIFUL 

— having venus in the 3rd house in composite with someone? do you mean calling each other the absolute ugliest nicknames in the most endearing way? 

— leo deals with themes of the ego, and it seems that leo placements often struggle with attracting narcissistic people into their life... leo suns/mercuries can be raised by loud, overbearing, narcissistic parents who see their kid as an extension of themselves and who teach the kid to always be very supportive and caring towards them or else they’ll deny them of words of affirmation-- either by insulting them to shatter their self-esteem or simply never complimenting the kid back. leo moons/mars/venus tend to attract narcissistic partners who only care about serving their own emotional needs and ignore the ones of their partner, and who feed off of their supportive and giving nature. which is why leo placements really need to watch out for being gullible, naïve and dismissing the red flags because my god, you be falling for some shady people. 

— people with personal planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house might feel like they can’t let go of their past life— they may dream of memories, people or places from another life. it’s like they can’t detach from it, and even if they can’t directly remember their past life, it’s like they feel it in their bones. also, they might’ve felt... estranged from their family ever since childhood; there may have been feelings of being unable to emotionally connect to their (often, distant) parents, and they might’ve even wondered if they were adopted because of how different they felt to the rest of the family. 

— okay so, a thing that people with saturn in the 3rd house need to look out for is mentally checking out of conversations while they’re still happening. these people can detect when they’re being manipulated really fast and their way of dealing with it can be to immediately shut down, to grow cold and silent and not even bother answering when you’re expected to respond. and, like, that’s great when someone starts screaming at you or being insulting/trying to coerce you into shit, but take notice if you find yourself shutting your loved ones out as soon as they say anything that triggers you. don’t simply detach from them, communicate what’s wrong

— aries placements, ESPECIALLY aries suns and moons, value generosity so much and they get so turned off by stingy ppl who don’t share with others, especially when others need it. like.. if you’re hanging out in a group with them and someone asks for a bite of your food because they have no money and you say no... espect them to never respect you. ever. 

— people with libra placements use soooo many adjectives to describe things. something can’t just be beautiful, it has to be DIVINE and CELESTIAL and INTOXICATING. they can be so expressive god it’s so fcking funny 

— capricorn placements HATE asking others for advice because they think no one knows better than them (and they’re not wrong, lol). when they truly care for someone, they might ask the person for advice simply as a sign that they respect, trust and value their judgement. even if they don’t plan on taking it LMFAO 

— people with mars in a water sign can have this terrible habit of expecting other people to guess what they want. and then they get passive agressive when you don’t instinctively feel what it is they want... and when you ask them “do you want this?”, they go like “FINALLY. i thought you’d never get there”. stop it. i know that you want people to understand you in a way that transcends words, but you can’t expect people to read your mind and then get disappointed when they don’t, thinking “oh if they loved me that much then they would’ve known that i really want chipotle for dinner :(” GIRL WHAT. COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS  

[fairycosmos]

Opinion: It's so much harder to grow up as an overweight child than as a weird skinny child (both are pretty bad though to be fair). My sister and I grew up in a very broken home; bastard of a dad, crazy but fun mom lol. Lotsa personal things happened that led way to my sister and I to having different eating disorders. Her with bed and I with ana. And I will never ever forget the way adults and children alike acted towards her. It was animalistic and venomous and I've never seen such depravedness until I saw how people interacted with my sister. But you know what, I was fucking babied for being underweight! The worst of it was being frequently being pulled aside by teachers as they questioned about what I ate at home and getting called a bag of bones. I was mainly picked on for being quiet and being poor but boys and girls would defend me for being underweight. So I never felt that it was my thinness making me unlovable and ugly. No one would protect my sister but me and a few other girls. She would come home everyday from being bullied at school to being bullied by neighborhood "friends". Not even 10 years old and she couldn't take a break from anything. Yet she remained a tight suitcase, never let anyone see her cry about it, she turned to food for comfort. Food for us was how we were showed love. Our mom would take us out of the house away from our dad to get MickeyD's or when our dad didn't want to verbally apologize he would get us ice cream. I would refuse to eat but seeing my sister finally be able to breathe and enjoy herself could bring tears to my eyes. My sister and I are both grown now, and she has lost weight and you know what, she's one of the prettiest women I've ever seen. It's funny how that works as her bullies aren't so attractive as adults lmao.

uaghhh, as someone who grew up as a fat kid i'm surprised at your like, level of understanding and self-reflection and genuine honesty regarding your experience vs your sisters. i don't like kind of measuring ppl's pain as x is worse than y but fatphobia really is built into society in a truly structural way and it hurts so fucking much growing up with it like a shadow over you and everything you do lmfao, i swear. my heart just absolutely aches for both you and your sister because you obviously each went through some absolute bullshit, like it's awful on either side. though it just fucks me up so much and takes me back to childhood to hear that ppl would really have it out for your sister and that hardly anyone would defend her whereas you were at least supported in that regard. it was the same for me, like ppl absolutely took pleasure in dehumanising me and scorning me for being overweight - it was literally like i wasn't even a person and i know that sounds dramatic but in the most literal sense of the phrase, it really felt like that at times. just white hot shame following you everywhere, and your peers despising you for it. i think it's interesting how using food as a crutch when raising a kid can have such polar opposite yet equally unhealthy and awful effects on a childs mentality and their perception of body image, but it is so so common for us as people to find comfort and companionship and even a vice in food/hunger. that is definitely used against us in general, esp in the furthering of diet culture, it's a fucking hellscape. i'm wishing nothing but health and stability and self love for both you and your sister in the future - those people who messed with her are fucking demons, idc LOL. i'm so proud of you for working your way through that. sending so much love to you both! x

[golbrocklovely]

I’m not trying to be rude but I get so sick of hearing Sam talk. Like yes we know life isn’t easy but sir you have two mansions lmao I feel like he gives the same energy as kim k telling people to get off their ass and work. Rich people are so detached from reality and sadly Sam seems to be one of them. Sure he makes some good points here and there but most of the time it’s just a bunch of nonsense bullshit

this might have turned into a bit of rant here but i'm constantly think about this type of stuff anytime sam goes on his spiels lol

i think one of the things i've always hated about celebrities, influencers included, is that they all like to pretend that they just worked hard and that's how they got where they are. and while that's true to some extent, to pretend that luck wasn't also a huge factor pisses me off deeply. to just tell ppl "work hard and you'll go far and succeed" is such a cop out to admitting that hard work can only do so much for you. and if luck isn't on your side, you're not gonna be as successful as you want to be. that's just a fact.

so with sam, and colby too, while they definitely have worked their asses off, i also think a lot of it was also right-place-right-time and luck. and maybe that luck manifested itself into smart business decisions. maybe their luck was being born attractive thus ppl paying attention to them more. maybe it's a whole list of other shit i can't think of. either way, they were lucky. and for both of them to not admit that, or at least not tell ppl that that to some degree that's how they got where they are now, is annoying.

and as for what sam talked about on snapchat….. oh brother lmao

this is gonna be a long winded story, but it goes with what i think about sam. so i went to a liberal arts university. and since i was in the arts side of the school, i knew plenty of philo majors. i also had to take a bunch of philo classes myself (plus my brother was a philo major too) so while i'm not the smartest about all different types of philosophies, i've heard of a lot of them and can understand them decently well. and one of the things i HATED when i was in college was the amount of ppl, literal teenagers/young adults, claiming to know the meaning of life or trying to argue which one was right or not. and i think the reason why i hated it so much is bc i was literally suicidal the last two years of college. and at the time i hated hearing about "oh life is about this and that and this other thing" when life to me has never had meaning. even now, while i'm mentally a lot more healthy than i was back then, life doesn't have meaning. but i don't mean that in a cynical or sad way. i just mean that i don't think there is an answer. you're supposed to exist, and what you make of that existence is your own meaning or reason. i don't think there is one mold that fits everyone. especially when you haven't lived that much life. and on top of all of that, i don't think the meaning to life, if there is one, is easy to find. so a random 20 year old in philly ain't gonna know it lol

most times, it felt like a lot of the ppl that were saying what they thought the meaning of life was, or just generally any philosophy that they were talking about, it sounded to me like they were trying to sound deeper for the sake of looking smarter. they wanted to come across as intelligent so that's why they were saying nonsense.

so, to bring this back to sam, he reminds me of those ppl i went to college with. good ppl, kind ppl, but they were only speaking to sound smart. and personally to me, i would much rather talk about "vapid" things than pretend to talk about something i don't understand fully (or might not even have an opinion on). plus, sam hasn't had a bad life and hasn't had any crazy experiences, at least to my knowledge. and i'm not trying to discredit him just bc he hasn't had any major death or loss in his life, but… when you have experienced hardships, things are put into perspective in a way that ppl who haven't experienced that type of stuff just don't see. i don't wish the life i've lived on anyone bc i've experienced a lot of terrible things. at the same time, i've grown from those experiences and realize what truly matters and what doesn't.

it also helps that i'm extremely introspective, which i kinda think is sam's major issue: he isn't. every book he reads is a how-to book; how to be stoic, how to influence ppl and make friends, how to speed read, ect. i think he's doing everything in his power to find himself in other ppl's work. "oh see, i relate to how stoic ppl act", "i can see myself doing something like that to make friends". he's trying to understand himself thru other ppl's work instead of just looking inward and trying to figure things out. which is why i find it funny he talked about emotions for a while on snapchat bc i was just like "…you are one of the most emotionally constipated ppl i've ever not met. what the fuck do you know about controlling your emotions?" but then it kinda makes sense bc that's all he does is control his emotions. he needs to express them more.

like i'm extremely expressive with mine, and i might react with them a lot, but i don't just blow up at ppl. i think most ppl who are emotional based in their thinking or acting aren't constantly angry or sad. and plus i've gone on this rant before, but those two emotions are always used as the negative emotions when i really wish ppl would realize there is no negative emotions. the only thing that can be perceived as negative is your reaction to your own emotions and what you do with them.

to kinda connect this all together, i think some of this type of stuff is why i always disliked metalife. for the short period of time i was on there, i just… didn't get why ppl were going insane for the shit snc were talking about. like a lot of what they were saying was either really basic or not as deep and profound as others claimed it was. not to mention, even if i wanted to follow with what they were telling me, it's hard to see two privileged white guys who haven't had even an ounce of the struggle i've had tell me life is worth living and all i gotta do is put in the work and i'll succeed.

they don't want to seem like they're above us, but they're trying to tell us this information from the top of their grand staircase in their gated community mansion so…. it's a little hard to listen lol