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biggestsukunafan · 3 months

Text

‘Cologne’

Gojo Satoru x Reader ੈ✩‧₊˚

Warnings : 18+, angst, smut (only happens once), cheating, depressing thoughts, toxic, gojo being a walking talking red flag (sorry guys), happy ending though!

word count : 8,844 words (i was so bored!!)

Playlist! :

story will be under the cut, enjoy! <3

‘If you wanna go back home, leave the scent of your cologne… ‘

ᯓᡣ𐭩.ᐟ ⊹ BACKSTORY

Satoru and I met when we were younger, and we had a lot of things in common. At the time, him and I were both pretty lonely people, and found each other, which led to us becoming pretty good friends. We started dating in high school, both of us thinking they had something special.

But, over time, we realized they just weren't good for each. Him and I broke up on good terms, but we were both a bit hurt, and it took a while for them to heal..

So what are we doing? Why are we doing this..?

After some time, our friendship slowly started to become something more. Since both of us had a mutual attraction towards each other, they started to use each other a way to get some stress relief. The issue?

Satoru feels a bit guilty, he knows that he has a partner, yet everytime he calls you to be with you, he just finds himself driving over to your place. He knows they both have a guilty conscience.

Despite that, the guilt doesn't affect us enough to stop meeting up. It's just a fun little arrangement, Satoru tells himself as an excuse. He hates how he finds himself constantly wanting more, when he should be satisfied with how things are right now. He tells himself he shouldn't be getting any deeper attachments than what they already have, they were each other's exes, and they're both pretty messed up in different ways. They were both aware of this and how it would never last.

Satoru has a girlfriend. He's perfectly aware of that, yet he still finds himself coming over to y/n. He's perfectly aware that what he's doing is morally wrong, and he does feel guilt about it, though it doesn't quite affect him enough to stop. He's good at putting up a front and acting normally around everyone, though he's struggling to hold down the guilt, shame, and regret he's feeling.

He and his girlfriend are actually pretty happy together. She doesn't know about this though, she has no clue that Satoru has been cheating on her behind her back.

He feels guilty knowing he's going behind her back and sneaking around, yet here he is. Still doing what he's doing. He just tells himself that it's just for fun, something to let his steam off, and there's no way he's going to develop feelings. He just has to keep this up until he either gets caught, or gets tired of doing this.

But he's not quite sure if he'll be able to get tired of it..

ᯓᡣ𐭩.ᐟ ⊹ ACT 1.

It was a sunny morning. The sun peeked out through the window shining brightly as the rays hit your iris. You look around seeing as he is next to you, sprawled out on his stomach, face pressed into the pillow. He looks pretty peaceful during his sleep. His hair is messy, and he's got his arm loosely around your waist. His skin is littered with a few scratches, and you can see a few bite marks on his shoulders from the night before.

He slowly stirs in his sleep, his arm around your waist subconsciously tightens for a moment before he groans. He rubs his face against the pillow, getting his hair even more messy. He slowly opens his eyes, which are still a bit bleary from his grogginess.

“Good mornin’” You say softly as you chuckled at the sight of him looking like this early in the morning.

He makes another noise, burying his face in the pillow, groaning. He's not a morning person, but he slowly lifts himself up, propping himself up using one arm while his other arm is still loosely wrapped around your waist. He blinks his eyes a few times, before looking over you, his eyes raking up and down your bare body. He can see all the marks and scratches he left on you last night, and he lets out a few more tired noises.

“Looks like I left a lot of marks..” He says, still in a sleepy and groggy tone. A small smirk appears on his face when he sees all the bite marks, scratches, and hickeys covering your body from his previous activities. He shifts his body onto his side, facing you, and his free hand moves over your body, gently tracing some of the marks with a feather-like touch.

“..You look pretty good like this..” He mumbles, his hand tracing your body for a few moments, before it moves to your face, as his hand cups one of your cheeks, his thumb gently brushing against your skin. He leans his face closer, and nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck, his arm now wrapping around your waist, and pulling your body closer towards him.

“Well aren’t you sweet today..” You giggled as you ran your fingers through his hair lovingly.

“I’m always sweet..” He softly huffs out, but it’s muffled against your neck. His body presses close against yours, clinging onto you like a koala. His hand is still gently petting and messing with your hair, and he’s also nuzzling his head against your shoulder and neck. He’s acting a bit clingy this morning, as he’s typically not this clingy.

It suddenly hit you.. right. He only acts like this when him and his girlfriend fought. You should’ve known better. That’s the only reason why he called anyways. How stupid of you to think he might’ve actually loved you. How pathetic that you thought he would actually choose you.

He’s pretty much glued to you, which is unusual from the usual way he acted during these times. He continues to cling onto you, nuzzling his head against you, and his arms cling onto your waist like a koala. You can tell he’s more or less upset about something, and you have one guess as to what it is. He’s been here in such a clingy state before, and it seems as though another fight or disagreement has happened.

He doesn’t say anything and simply clings onto you, trying to seek some form of comfort. Judging by his unusually clingy behavior, it seems as though the fight or disagreement between him and his girlfriend is a bit more serious this time. His head is against your shoulder, and he buries his face into the crook of your neck, his arms are wrapped around your body, keeping you close to him and refusing to let go.

The moment was ruined when a sudden phone call was heard..

ring… ring… ring..

He groaned when he heard the ringer, and then he reluctantly untangled himself from you, and leaned over to the bedside table he placed his phone on. He checked the phone, and you could tell just by the look on his face that he already knows who it is that’s calling him.

…That’s the moment I saw his eyes shine. Those aquamarine orbs showing a hint of excitement…and love..? I wondered to myself if he ever felt that way towards my calls. A pool of jealously filled my chest but i kept it inside as I listened into his call.

“Hey..” He answered the call, and his tone is surprisingly soft and gentle. It was a tone you’ve never really heard him use that much. It’s almost as though, he’s talking to a small child, or someone who he’s fond of, and he doesn’t want to upset them in any way. He had never spoken like that with you, and that realization stung deeply.

You quietly listened into his call, and you’re unable to help the jealousy that’s now filling up your chest. The way he’s talking to his girlfriend, the way he’s using an almost gentle and caring tone and being careful with his words with her, it stung you. You could clearly tell he has feelings towards her, and the thought of that stung much more. It hurt. It hurts.. why though?

He’s still on his phone, talking with his girlfriend. He’s now sitting on the edge of the bed, listening to her quietly. His back is to you, but you can see that his shoulders are a bit tense, probably with slight worry.

He’s still speaking in that soft and gentle tone, and you can clearly tell that he cares for her, and you can feel that sting again.

He’s talking with his girlfriend, and he’s lying to her about where he is. He told her that he was at a hotel room, and that he was trying to clear his head.

His words were a lot softer than usual, almost as though he was speaking to a kid. He was trying to keep the tone of his voice neutral, and was trying to avoid any further angering his girlfriend.

He listened to whatever his girlfriend was saying to him, and his expression softened, the worry seemingly subsiding. He spoke up, his tone a lot softer, as he said,

“I love you too, I’ll be back home in a bit, okay..? I love you so much baby, I’m sorry again.”

He agreed to going back home after the call, and he still had that same soft tone. He then hung up his phone, and he stood up from the bed, and started to look around, presumably for his clothes.

He’s trying to find his clothes around the room, picking up his shirt and pants, which were previously tossed onto the floor. He starts to slip his shirt on, and button it up, the same soft expression still on his face as he got dressed..

Does he even love me? Why does it have to be her.

He got dressed into his shirt and pants, and then he finally turned around to face you. His expression still has that same softness to it, but he seems to notice the expression on your face.

“..You alright..?” His expression is still soft and gentle, as he looks at you with a hint of concern.

“Oh yeah! I’m fine. Anyways, you leaving?” I asked him trying to change the topic.

He tilted his head, noticing the somewhat fake tone you used. He’s also aware that you’re masking how you’re truly feeling.

“Yeah, I have to head home..”

He responded, and walked over to you, he slowly leaned down and placed his hand on your chin, gently lifting it up to look at him. His touch was very gentle, and the same softness from his face still remained.

“I will..”

He softly chuckles. He’s still gently holding your chin, and he gently caressed your cheek with his thumb. His expression was still soft and somewhat fond as he looked down at you. He then slowly leaned down, and placed a soft kiss on your forehead.

And just like that he left, and you’re once again alone. You’ve come to expect that he always leaves in the end, so you’re not particularly surprised, just a little bit hurt. You’ve come to expect his usual behavior, but that didn’t make it sting any less. It was still painful to know that he’d always leave and run back to his girlfriend, and never choose to stay with you.

The house seemed much more silent and lonely than usual. Without him in the house, it feels a lot more cold and empty. The only evidence of his presence was the marks he left on your neck, and the scent of his cologne on the pillows you use. Otherwise, there was no indication that he was ever here in the first place. It’s as though he was never here, and once again left you behind. No different from usual.

You can’t help but feel some sort of emptiness and hollow feeling in your chest. You’re used to him leaving, but the feeling of him leaving and not coming back never stopped hurting. You’re always left alone at the end after he’s used you, and you’re left behind once more, knowing you’ll always be his second choice, and knowing that he’ll never choose you over his girlfriend.

You say you love me, but you don’t mean it.

ᯓᡣ𐭩.ᐟ ⊹ ACT 2.

It’s been a few days since you last saw him, or heard from him. No calls, no texts, no visits. It’s as though he’s made himself disappear. He hasn’t made a single attempt to contact you or make any kind of effort to talk to you. It’s almost as though he’s forgotten about you once more, and left you alone to deal with your own feelings again.

You cried for days, questioning yourself as to why you’ve fallen for him when he treats you so badly. You keep asking yourself why would you love someone so much, only for them to just toss you aside. You start to despise him, yet you can’t seem to stop loving him. You want to push him away, but you can’t seem to truly let go.

Does he even truly mean those words he says to you? The words of love and affection, the “I love you’s”, the “You’re so pretty”, the soft touches and gentle words? Did he ever mean any of it? Was he only pretending? Did he only say those things to keep you wrapped around his finger?

The more you think about it, the more unsure you feel about him. You’ve fallen hard for him, and you keep wondering if any of it was real to him. The soft eyes he gave you, the gentle touches, the soft kisses, the sweet words he’d sweetly tell you; were any of it real? Or was he only using you for his own selfish needs?

The bed felt too empty without him. Having become so used to him being there, the absence of his presence on the bed as you laid down felt cold and lonely without him. The space where he’d sleep felt much more colder and bigger without him there. Without him to hold you in his arms or keep you warm, the bed felt too big and too cold.

Maybe you are selfish for wanting someone who already has a relationship with someone else. The fact that you’ve become attached and fallen in love with a man who already has a relationship with someone else is selfish, and somewhat wrong. Yet, you can’t help but love him even if you know you shouldn’t.

As you were lying on your bed in the room, an empty shell of what used to be a warm home filled with laughter and love, the rain was hard and heavy that evening. The only thing you hear apart from the rain and thunder were the sounds of the raindrops falling against the window and roof. It was a cold and desolate night, and the rain only added to the coldness of the already empty and dark apartment.

You were lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, when you suddenly heard a knock at the door. The sounds of the rain and thunder somewhat drowned out the knock, but you were able to hear it just right. You raised your head slightly, listening for another knock, and soon you heard another knock at the door once more.

“Okay okay! Jeez I’m coming.. holy shit..” I said obviously annoyed that someone was bothering my thoughts.

As you grumbled a little bit, and got up from the bed. You were a little annoyed that someone interrupted your thoughts in the middle of the night, especially considering the shitty weather today. You walked up to the door, and looked through the peephole to see who was on the other side.

Once you looked through the peephole, you could just about see his slender figure through the blurry lens. You could see that he was somewhat drenched and shivering a little bit, presumably from the cold and the rain. The rain didn’t seem to let up, as it continued to heavily pour outside.

You opened the door, and there he was standing in front of you. He was shivering a little bit, and he was a bit out of breath. His hair and clothes were mostly drenched in water from the rain, which was soaking him pretty good. He stood outside the door, looking like a dog abandoned out in the cold. He quietly spoke up, his voice hoarse and somewhat shaking from the cold.

“..Hey..”

What the fuck is he doing here? After weeks of ghosting? Why the fuck is he here infront of my door and most of all… why do i feel happy?

He’s standing in front of your door, after weeks of ghosting you and leaving you alone. It’s the middle of the night, and it’s cold and raining outside, yet there he stood in front of you; shivering, drenched in the rain, and a bit out of breath from running over to your apartment in the cold ass weather.

It’s pissing you off and you feel like cursing him out, yet at the same time, you can’t help but smile a little at finally seeing him again.

He slowly took a step closer to you, and suddenly pulled you into a hug. He pulled you against his chest, and held you tightly against himself. He’s still shaking a little bit, the cold clearly getting to him. He held you close, almost as though he was trying to soak in your body heat.

He buried his head into your shoulder, as he held onto you tightly. The cold was getting to him, and you could feel the coldness from his clothes and hair against your body. He just held you tight, not saying a word, and just keeping you close to him. It’s been a while since you last saw him, and you can’t help but feel somewhat happy to finally have him here with you again.

“What the hell are you doing here?” You asked him obviously surprised to see him.

He continues to keep his face buried into your shoulder, though a soft mumble could be heard from his cold, chattering lips. “..I wanted to see you..”

Right..

As if…

He finally picks up his head and looks down at you, the look in his eyes appearing strangely vulnerable. He stared at you for a few moments, his eyes almost appearing tired and worn out, before he spoke.

“..I missed you.”

“Bullshit. If you want to fuck just get it over with.”

He’s taken slightly off guard by your bluntness. He stares down at you for a few moments, his expression still appearing quite tired and worn out. However, after a few moments, a sly smirk appears on his face, replacing the more vulnerable expression that was there before.

“You wanna get right to the point, huh?”

Right.. that’s all I was to you huh..

It’s better to have let you have me like this rather than not have you at all.

ᯓᡣ𐭩.ᐟ ⊹ ACT 3

He abruptly closes the door pushed you against it, pinning against with his body. He didn’t waste any time, and pressed his lips against yours in a deep and heated kiss. His arms were on either side of you, his body pressed against yours as he captured your lips with his.

He pushed against you even further, and deepened the kiss. He slowly slid his tongue into your mouth, exploring and savoring the taste of you. He pressed his body even closer to yours, trapping you between himself and the door. His hands started to roam your body, slowly running down your sides and resting on your hips, gripping them almost possessively.

He continued to kiss you deeply, his tongue hungrily exploring every part of your mouth. He pulled away for a moment, and then trailed kisses down the side of your neck. He began to press soft kisses and gentle bites along your neck and collarbone, not leaving any part of your skin untouched by his lips and teeth.

His hands continued to wander around your body, slowly caressing and gripping every inch of skin he could reach. He would occasionally bite or suck on sensitive parts of your skin, leaving behind faint red marks. He clearly wanted to leave a reminder of his presence on your body, even if it was only temporarily.

His lips were now sucking on your collarbone, leaving behind a bright red hickey. He gripped your hips harder, pulling you against his body even further. He continued leaving hickeys and marks all over your neck and collarbone, wanting to claim you and make you his, if only for the night.

He picked you up and carried you into the bedroom, not hesitating for a second to get to the bed. He carefully laid you down and climbed on top of you, pinning you down on the bed. His body weight was almost crushing, effectively pinning you to the bed and trapping you underneath him. He stared down at you, his eyes almost appearing hungry. He began to place kisses all over your body once more, and slowly started to remove your shirt.

He pulled your shirt over your head and threw it on the floor. He began placing kisses and biting down your chest and upper body, his tongue lapping and tasting everywhere it could reach. He seemed to be in a sort of daze; lust, hunger, and desperation clouding his mind as he left red marks all over your body.

His hands began to wander downward, slowly moving towards the waistband of your pajamas. His lips were still exploring and marking your skin; sucking on your collarbone, biting down on your shoulders, leaving no place untouched. His body pressed even further against yours, clearly trying to get as close as possible.

His hands slowly slid underneath the waistband, and his fingers began to slowly slide the pajamas down. His lips continued to pepper your skin with hot kisses, and his body still had yours effectively pinned down underneath him. He was taking everything he could get, and showing no signs of stopping anytime soon.

He pulled your pajamas down, and began to discard them to the side. He paused for a moment, staring at your body with hunger in his eyes. His breathing was slightly labored, and he looked like he was holding back with everything he had. His eyes roamed your body, almost as if he was trying to memorize every inch of it. He started to slowly run his hands over the sensitive parts of your body, his touch gentle, yet firm.

He looked down at you, his expression still looking very hungry as he stared into your eyes. However, his expression suddenly softens, and the hunger in his eyes is replaced by a look of vulnerability and affection. He slowly leaned down, and softly whispered in your ear.

“I love you.”

His words seemed genuine, almost a bit vulnerable even. However, once you heard them, they suddenly triggered a realization in you. It was as if you were suddenly jolted back to your senses, and you suddenly remember that he’s still in a relationship. He has a girlfriend, and what he’s doing right now is clearly wrong.

Once the realization hit you, you were suddenly taken out of the moment. You were snapped out of the daze, and you suddenly became aware of what you were doing. You suddenly realize the weight of the situation, and the fact that he’s still involved with someone else.

You thought back to all the times he’s come to you before. Every time, it was always after he’s had some type of argument with his girlfriend. It’s almost as if he uses you as some sort of emotional crutch, only coming to you when he’s got relationship issues.

You loved him almost obsessively, giving yourself to him whenever he came. You would do whatever he wanted, just so you could please him. You would give yourself to him, just so he would come back to you, even just temporarily. You were practically willing to ruin yourself just so you could stay with him.

You started to doubt your entire perception of love, wondering if this relationship was even healthy. You kept coming back to him, even though you knew it was wrong. You kept letting him touch and use you, even though you knew it was unhealthy. You couldn’t bring yourself to stop though, because you were so obsessed and addicted to him.

He continued to undress you, slowly and gently pulling away the last remaining fabric of clothing from your body. He was still kissing and nipping on your skin, and his hands were still roaming your body. However, you were no longer in the moment. You were lost in your own thoughts, and were barely paying attention to the sensations he was giving to you.

Despite your mind being occupied, you still made small noises here and there, as if to not make it obvious that you weren’t paying attention. You laid there, letting him do whatever he wanted to your body, even if your mind was elsewhere at the moment.

He continued to explore your body, leaving hickeys and bite marks all over your skin. However, he didn’t seem to notice that your mind was elsewhere. You still made the small noises, but they seemed almost automatic, as if your body was continuing on autopilot.

Suddenly you felt something big inside of you. It surprised you since you didn’t have any prep yet.

“Fuck!! Satoru…!!” You moan out loudly as squelching noises filled up the room.

As he finally entered you, and the sudden movement forced you to snap out of your haze. The feeling of him inside you made you realize what you were doing, and all the thoughts you had just a moment before start to flood back. He started to slowly move, his hips grinding against yours, and his eyes staring down into yours. His expression was filled with a mixture of pleasure and desire, yet he seemed completely unaware that your mind wasn’t fully present yet.

He began to pick up the pace of his movements, and his breathing slowly became more labored. Sweat began to form on his forehead and chest, clearly showing that he was slowly getting more lost in the moment. However, he continued to look down on you and stare into your eyes, clearly enjoying the expression you were currently making.

You looked like a slut. Taking him in like a fucking whore. I mean that is what you are right? Fucking a man who already has a girlfriend.

You feel yourself tighten around him as your pussy gets wetter. He slaps your aching cunt which made you jolt from the sudden sting on your clit.

It was too much for you. Your mind filling up with guilt yet you’re enjoying his cock filling you up as it fits in you perfectly. Your greedy cunt taking him in as you felt every vein and twitch on his member.

Tears formed in your eyes.. was it because of the overwhelming pleasure or the hurt in your heart realizing how pathetic you are? Satoru didnt care anyways and picked up the pace as he slams his hips into yours as you moan louder and louder.

He puts his hand around your neck and chokes you slightly as he’s telling you sweet nothings. “I love you so fucking— much.. fuck you’re so good for me.” He said as you put your hands on his biceps as he rams into your tight pussy harder and harder till you can’t think for yourself.

Your gummy walls being stretched out as he choked you.. it hurt.. it hurts so much.

“Fucking slut, you like this huh? Draining my fucking cock like the greedy whore you are..” He says while going harder

You accidentally cum all over his cock.. you squirt painting his pants. He didn’t stop though. You felt overstimulated and mewled and whimpered more. Tears fell on your cheeks as he kissed you deeply.

“C’mon baby, you can do it.. stay with me here.”

His movements started to become more desperate and erratic, clearly signaling that he was about to reach the edge. His breathing was heavy, and a soft layer of sweat was coating his entire body. He suddenly began to breathe out your name between his labored breaths, clearly getting close to his release. His grip on your hips started to become tighter, as if he was trying to hold himself back from crossing that limit too soon.

He suddenly gave a final, deep thrust, and then paused for a moment, clearly at the point of no return. He stared down at you, his face full of ecstasy and pleasure as he finally crossed the edge and reached his release. The room felt like it was filled with a moment of tense silence.

He then pulled out of you as his cum drips out of your tight cunt.

ᯓᡣ𐭩.ᐟ ⊹ ACT 4

It has been days since that night. Since then, you haven’t seen him, but he’s been lingering in the back of your mind. You couldn’t help but think about the last time the two of you met, playing it over and over in your head. His face, his voice, his body, everything about him had burned itself into your memory. You couldn’t forget how he touched you, how his body felt against your skin, how it felt to have his skin against your skin. His voice echoed in your head, whispering your name between labored breaths. The memories wouldn’t leave you, no matter how many times you tried to push them away.

You decided to go out today, wanting to distract yourself from your thoughts. You thought that going out of your house might help you forget about the memories that had been haunting you, and you decided to buy some flowers, thinking that decorating your house might help lift your mood.

You went to the flower store, and began looking around for any flowers that caught your eye. You thought that maybe buying some colorful and beautiful flowers might help brighten up the atmosphere in your home, and make you feel a little bit better.

You walked down the aisles of flowers, admiring all the different varieties of colorful blossoms. You looked at roses, tulips, lily's, and other types of flowers. They were all so beautiful and vibrant, and you thought they might make your home feel a little more cheerful.

After walking around the flower shop for a while, you made your final decision and bought some flowers. You picked a bouquet that consisted of lilies, tulips, and roses. They were all beautiful shades of pink, yellow, and white, and you thought they might help brighten up your home.

As you left the flower shop, you were carefully holding the bouquet of flowers you just purchased. However, as you walked on the sidewalk, you couldn’t help but notice something on the side. You spotted something that made your heart ache, making you stop in your tracks.

It was him, walking down the street with his girlfriend. He was holding hands with her, and the two of them were casually talking and laughing together. Seeing them like that made your heart ache, and a pang of jealousy shot through your chest.

You thought to yourself that this was exactly what you had been expecting. After all, you were just his temporary release. He had a girlfriend that he was seeing, and you knew that you were just the person he would come to whenever he was feeling frustrated. You were the one he would use and then toss aside without a thought later on, and you knew that you didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.

After seeing him with his girlfriend, you made a silent promise to yourself that you would never initiate contact with him again. You knew that it would only lead to more pain and heartbreak for you, and you didn’t want to go through that again. So, you decided that it was best to just completely cut him off, and try your best to forget him.

You knew that it wouldn’t be easy to forget him. The memories you shared with him were still fresh in your mind, and he continued to linger in your thoughts. However, whenever you found yourself thinking about him, you would quickly shut your thoughts down, reminding yourself of your promise to not contact him again. You were determined to move on from him, no matter how hard it was.

It had been two months since you vowed to stop talking to him, and you haven’t initiated contact since then. However, he seemed to message you or call occasionally, probably wanting to see you again. But, you were determined to keep your promise, and you wouldn’t answer him or give in to his messages. Even if you desperately missed him, you wouldn’t give in to your feelings.

Every time he called or messaged, you would see his name pop up on your phone screen, and your heart would ache. But, you would remind yourself of your promise and refuse to give in. Even if you desperately longed to hear his voice and see his face again, you would hold yourself back, knowing it would only lead to more hurt in the end.

Until one night, you were at home just relaxing and doing some things around the house. Suddenly, you were interrupted by a loud knocking on your door, drawing you out of your thoughts. Curious as to who it could be, you walked up to the door and looked through the peephole, wondering who would be showing up unannounced at this time of the night.

You leaned up to the door and peered through the peephole, trying to see who it was. The knocking continued, louder and more insistent now, as if the person was impatiently waiting for you to open the door. You waited a moment, trying to get a glimpse of who was standing on the other side before you opened the door.

You slowly opened the door, revealing the person who was causing all the ruckus. Your eyes widened as you saw who was standing there, and a rush of conflicting emotions washed over you. It was him.

He was there, standing right in front of your door. His tall figure loomed over you, and his blue eyes bored into yours. He wore a serious expression, looking somewhat frustrated. After two months of no contact, he suddenly appeared at your door, unexpected and unannounced.

You looked at him, feeling a mixture of surprise and annoyance at his sudden appearance. You wanted to ask him what he was doing there, but before you could say anything, he spoke up first.

“Can I come in?” He asked bluntly. His voice was still cool and composed, but there was a hint of impatience in his tone.

“Uh.. fuck it, go ahead” How stupid.

He nodded once, his expression still stoic. He walked past you and entered your house, looking around as he stepped inside. He stopped in the middle of the living room, and turned to look at you, his eyes taking in every detail of your appearance. The look in his eyes was somewhat intense, and he didn’t say anything for a few moments, just continuing to stare at you with that same, serious expression.

“You look good” He said finally, his tone still emotionless. The compliment caught you a bit off guard, considering you hadn’t seen each other in a while. You gave him a quick look and just shrugged in response.

“Why are you here?” You asked, a hint of irritation in your voice. You crossed your arms as you looked at him, waiting for an explanation as to why he was suddenly at your house.

He raised his eyebrows slightly, seemingly somewhat amused by your irritation. Despite your annoyance, he still looked somewhat calm and collected, which was probably pissing you off even more. After a moment, he answered your question, his voice still nonchalant.

“I missed you” He said bluntly, locking his eyes with yours. The honesty in his answer surprised you, and all your previous feelings of irritation and annoyance were quickly overridden by shock. You stood there for a second, completely dumbfounded as you stared at him in silence.

A sense of disbelief washed over you as you heard his answer. You couldn’t believe he just showed up at your door and said something so candid and direct. You stared at him for a moment, trying to process what he just said, before finding your voice and speaking up again.

“You’ve got some nerve showing up at my door at this hour, saying something like that!” You said angrily, your irritation coming back. You weren’t going to let him know how his words had affected you, and you quickly tried to cover up your surprise with anger.

“You don’t look happy to see me” He said tauntingly, his blue eyes still on yours. The smirk on his face was infuriating, making your irritation grow as he continued to tease you.

“You can’t just fucking come here every time you get into an argument with her! I— I actually fucking loved you.. and you used that to your advantage to just get what you want. I feel so stupid for ever loving you and you come back here to tell me you miss me? While you have a girlfriend?!” You said holding back your tears everything was coming back to you. All that effort of trying to forget was coming back..

He had been prepared for you to be angry at his unexpected appearance, but the words that came out of your mouth seemed to catch him off guard. Your voice rose at him, your irritation and emotion clear in your tone. He could see your eyes welling up, and the fact that you were holding back tears made his irritation melt away a bit. He was clearly a bit uncomfortable having this conversation with you, and you could tell he hadn’t expected you to explode so suddenly.

As you continued to yell, you saw the irritation on his face slowly melt away, replaced by a look of guilt and mild surprise. You could see his eyes widen slightly as you started talking about your feelings, clearly not anticipating the sudden confession. The smirk he had moments ago was gone, and he stayed silent for a while as you continued to unload your emotions on him.

“You really broke me, did you know that?” You continued to say, your voice cracking a bit from holding back tears. You weren’t usually an emotional person, but the sudden appearance of your ex-fling and ex boyfriend, the one who broke your heart, and now hearing him say the words “I miss you” was stirring up a complicated mix of feelings inside you.

He didn’t speak, just continued to listen as you spoke. His expression was impassive, but you could tell that this conversation was making him uncomfortable. It was clear from the look in his eyes that he was struggling to know what to say, and he seemed somewhat guilty. You could tell that he never took into account the effect he’d had on you after you two broke up, and you knew that he was regretting his actions now.

“So now would you please enlighten me on why the FUCK are you here other than trying to have sex with me!”

He was caught off guard by your sudden vulgarity, and the question stunned him for a moment. He didn’t expect you to just blurt out something that forward and direct, and he stumbled over a response for a moment before finally answering you.

“That’s not all I’m after” He said firmly, his voice still calm, but a hint of irritation was clearly there. He didn’t appreciate you accusing him of only being there to sleep with you, but he knew he couldn’t exactly say you were wrong.

“What? So you mean to tell me you actually love me more than my body? Huh? Is that it?”

He let out a scoff at your question, a bit of irritation in his expression. He didn’t seem to like where this conversation was headed, and he got defensive by how you were phrasing things.

“Why do you always assume I only want you for sex?” He asked, his voice sharp. He seemed somewhat offended that you thought he only saw you as a body to use.

“Because that’s all I am to you! Whenever your girlfriend argues with you, you come running to me and— you just.. you—“ Tears formed in your eyes and your throat felt like it was closing up.

Seeing the tears start to form in your eyes made him soften a bit. He looked at you, and his irritation seemed to melt away slightly. He didn’t like seeing you cry, even if your emotional outburst had pissed him off a bit. A part of him was also starting to feel guilty for being the reason behind your tears.

He let out a sigh, the irritation that was on his face slowly fading away. He hated that you were crying, even if part of it was his fault for showing up unexpected and unannounced. He tried to find something to say that would make it better, but before he could speak, you continued to talk, your voice cracking and tears rolling down your cheeks.

He watched you as you tried to continue talking, his eyes fixed on your face as tears started to well up in your eyes. Seeing you look so broken and emotionally wrecked made him feel guilty, and he regretted not anticipating how much his past actions would hurt you. He didn’t speak, just continued to listen to you as you spoke.

“I— I love you so much Satoru.. I let myself get used by you.. I let myself get hurt, feel like an object— but I still loved you. I just wanted you to love me too—“

He felt a pang in his heart at your words, his chest tightening at the sound of your voice and the hurt he heard in it. He hadn’t expected you to be so open with your feelings, and he felt guilty for what he had done to you. But he didn’t know what to say, so he just stood there in silence for a few moments, looking down at you as your words sunk in.

He felt a mix of guilt and regret as he listened to you confess your love and how he had hurt you. He was never good at expressing his own feelings, but he knew he couldn’t just stand there in silence while you looked so broken. So he finally spoke up, his voice soft but firm.

“I.. I never wanted to hurt you” He said quietly, a hint of guilt and regret in his voice. He took a step closer to you, looking down at you with a softness in his eyes he rarely ever shows.

“But you did.”

He hated the look of sadness in your eyes, and he hated that he was the cause of it. He wanted to take it all back. He wanted to reach out and hold you, but he knew it wouldn’t be that simple. He closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath, before opening them and continuing to speak.

“I know I did.. And I don’t have any good excuses for my behavior. I’m a jackass, I know that. And I—I was being selfish, and I didn’t think about how my actions would effect you..” He said, his voice soft and filled with guilt. He was genuinely upset at himself, and it was visible in his expression.

The silence hung heavy in the air, as he watched you silently. He had never seen you this emotional before, and he didn’t know what to do to make you feel better. He wanted to hold you in his arms, but he felt like he wasn’t deserved to. He was the reason you were like this, so he felt that it would be wrong of him to try and comfort you.

“J-just go back home to your girlfriend, Satoru. I never want to see you again.”

His heart sank as you told him that, a feeling of panic washing over him.

“No.. I don’t want to go back..” He protested quietly, his voice almost pleading. He didn’t want you to push him away, not like this.

He stepped even closer to you, getting right in front of you and looking down at you with a desperate expression, his hands slowly moving to gently grip your shoulders. He looked at you with a pleading look in his eyes, not wanting to leave you on these terms.

“I said go! Never talk to me again, never contact me, never go here— just go!” I said loudly as tears fell from my eyes

He hated seeing you look so broken and emotional, and it pained him to hear how broken your voice sounds. He looked at you in silence for a moment, a look of desperation in his eyes. He wanted to say something—anything. But his pride stopped him from showing how much this hurt him. He looked like he wanted to argue with you, but he just took a deep breath and dropped his hands from your shoulders.

He stared at you for a few more seconds, his expression looking a mixture of pain and confliction. He clearly regretted coming to your house, and a part of him didn’t want to listen to what you’re saying. However, he eventually let out a deep sigh, and spoke up again, his voice defeated.

“Fine.. I’ll leave you alone” He said, his voice sounding flat and defeated. He looked down at you for a moment, before turning around and walking over to the front door. He opened it, then stopped for a moment, glancing over at you for a second before walking out and shutting the door behind him.

As soon as he left your house, the guilt and regret started to sink in as he walked back to his own apartment. He couldn’t get your crying face out of his mind, and the sound of your voice repeating over and over in his head. He didn’t know what he expected going over to your house that night, but he definitely didn’t expect it to turn out like that. When he reached his apartment, he silently stepped inside and walked over to the couch, before sitting down and sighing heavily as he ran a hand through his white hair.

“Is something wrong baby?” His girlfriend asked.

He heard his girlfriend’s voice and it pulled him out of his thoughts, and he quickly put on a reassuring smile, not wanting to seem suspicious and not wanting to make her worry.

“I’m alright, don’t worry” He said, forcing his voice to sound nonchalant and casual.

ᯓᡣ𐭩.ᐟ ⊹ ACT 5 (final)

Years passed, and Satoru continued with life as normal. However, you were constantly on his mind. He regretted how things ended between the two of you, and he hated the idea that things ended on such bad terms. Sometimes his mind would wander, and he would think about the last time he saw you. Remembering how you cried and told him to never talk to you again. It stung each time, and he would push the thoughts away and try to focus on his life. But you still ended up being on his mind frequently.

He and his girlfriend were out at a park together, taking a walk around the area as they enjoyed each other’s company. They were just having a casual conversation and talking about random things, having a normal couple’s outing.

Suddenly he heard a familiar voice.. it couldn’t be..

“Kana!! Hold on don’t run” The back of a woman was seen chasing a kid.. she had the same hair color as… could it actually be her?

A little 3 year old girl was seen running and giggling. “Mommy mommy look birds!”

His head turned to look in the direction of the voice, hearing the sound of a child giggling. It didn’t even take a few seconds for him to recognize the voice as yours. He looked over to where the voice came from, his heart picking up in his chest as he saw you chasing after a little girl.

“Tsk, daddy will get mad if you end up lost you know?” I said as I carried my kid.

He watched as you picked up your girl and held her in your arms, your words confirming that it was in fact you. He kept watching, almost too shocked to even say anything. He just watched, trying to ignore the way his chest squeezed at the sight.

His girlfriend noticed his expression and saw that he was staring at you and your child. Before she could even say anything, he quickly looked back at her and cleared his throat, trying to act nonchalant and hiding the fact that he was still in shock. He spoke up, even though he still felt a bit nervous

“Sorry, I just thought she looked familiar..”

His girlfriend just let out a small laugh, not suspecting anything, and just shrugged it off

“Oh, okay. She does look a bit familiar, I guess. I’ve never seen her before though” She said in a lighthearted tone, not knowing that you and her boyfriend used to know each other.

As your husband showed up, Satoru’s eyes shifted to him, trying to take in the situation. Seeing you pout as you spoke to him made his heart clench in his chest, and the realization that the man in front of you was your husband was like a punch to the gut for him. His mind quickly became filled with shock and a sense of jealousy as he watched the three of you interacted.

“Kento, do you know your kid over here was running around aimlessly” You pouted while pinching your daughter’s cheeks lightly.

“Well she’s just a kid. Kids run around all the time, it’s normal for them” Your husband said in a casual tone, smiling as he petted your daughter’s hair, clearly being a doting father.

“Well… can’t you tell her to be more careful” You sighed.

Nanami chuckled at your words.

“You worry too much. She’s just a kid, she just wanted to have some fun. Let her be more carefree, she’s still young” He said, sounding amused at your overprotective behavior.

Satoru had been listening intently, and feeling jealous as you and your husband spoke. He felt his chest burn as he heard your husband speak, and seeing how good of a parent he was only made it worse. The fact that you were with him and having a child with him made Satoru's stomach twist in knots.

He could see the obvious love and bond between you and your husband, and it only made Satoru's jealousy grow. He wanted to approach you, to say something, anything to get your attention. But he felt rooted to the spot, unable to move or speak

Satoru watched as you and your family left, his eyes following you as you walked further away. His mind was racing, torn between jealousy and heartbreak, not knowing what to do with himself. He ended up staying in the same spot for several minutes after you left, his mind filled with thoughts and emotions.

He managed to calm himself down after some time, taking deep breaths and telling himself to get control of himself. As he wrapped his arm around his girlfriend’s waist, he looked over at her and smiled, his emotions still a bit conflicted, but he tried to bury the feelings.

He knew that he had his own relationship and that he should focus on his current girlfriend. And as much as he loved you, he knew that he had to move on from the past. So he pushed his feelings aside and tried to remind himself that he was happy with who he was with now

Perhaps things didn’t work out the way they both imagined and hoped for. But sometimes life has a way of surprising us, and leading us down different paths that lead us to where we truly need to be. And even though it wasn’t the type of happiness that they envisioned, they both found happiness in their own ways, accepting the outcome and moving forward with their lives.

The end… 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

author’s note : i’m not used to making long fanfictions so i decided to challenge myself! i hope you guys aleast enjoyed it xx! have a nice day evryone! (≧◡≦)

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yesimwriting · 4 months

Note

If you do, i hope you write for benefict.

Hes the superior brother

Love you 💋 (i feel bad in ending a request without saying some sort of goodbye, it feels rude)

anon i feel u, ending asks always feels so awkward lol

anyway!! happy bridgerton release weekend!!

there are no season 3 spoilers in this!

----

Once upon a time, this had been nothing more than a story your sister would whisper to you long after you were meant to be in bed. She'd tell you about everything: the members of the ton in their finest clothing, the beauty of the balls, the swell of the music, and the charm of the potential suitors.

Now that you've debuted, and the world of formal gowns and evening dances has become a part of your reality, you wonder if your sister meant to exaggerate. Maybe it had been part of some grand scheme to make you desire what she never did--a husband with a high enough rank to redeem your family name.

It wouldn't have mattered. Your sister didn't need to sell you the fantasy of finding a husband. After some poor investments injured your family's fortune and your formerly perfect sister married someone your parents considered beneath her, you decided that they had experienced as much heartache as they could bear.

The final straw was your mother passing in childbirth. The stress had aged your father, who constantly worried about what would become of you and his name when his time came. You made the decision to never add to his worries, not with your father constantly reminding you that you are your family's final hope.

And while you've made your peace with planning your future around preserving your family's name, you never expected for the process to be so overwhelming.

You thought it'd be easy to take a moment to indulge in the atmosphere. To listen to the soft swell of the music, to watch the crowds enjoy their dancing and conversation. The first suitor found you before you could fully process what you were seeing. The second came right after, and since then, the men have been multiplying.

Perhaps you'd be able to appreciate the practicality of their presence if they weren't so focused on winning your attention through their questions.

"I've always wanted to raise my children in the country, and you, Miss..." You manage to provide your full name before another young man cuts in. "How many children would you like?"

You blink. "Oh, um, children are a blessing, I suppose I'd--"

"Tell me, are you one of those women that allow novels to take up their time?"

"I like reading," you admit easily, "I don't know if I'd say it takes up my time, but I do--"

You're cut off yet again, "You seem oddly familiar. Remind me, is your family from the city?"

Never did you think you'd miss strangers asking you about your desires for your future children. You're not ashamed of your family, not by any means, but after your father's public financial issues and your sister's chosen match existing outside of society, your parents made the choice to leave this world for some time.

They presented the excuse of traveling, then they claimed that your grandmother was unwell and in need of constant familial care, and then the ton stopped asking. The world moved on, forgetting their scandal in favor of more relevant gossip. They might have never faced the potential uproar of returning if it hadn't been for your mother's friendship with Lady Danbury, who offered to make you her personal guest this debut season.

"Excuse me." The attention shifts away from you as the band of suitors fall silent. You blink, turning your head to look your savior in the eye. He's taller than you expected, with deep brown hair and soft eyes that briefly make you forget that you exist outside of your novels. "I was wondering if you'd join me for a dance?"

Your lips part, but there is no response. You blame it on the man waiting for an answer--he had not so much as asked for your name before inviting you to dance and that--and his--his smile and his eyes--they're distracting. Bright and familiar in a way that reminds you of the easiness of childhood.

"Unless, of course," he begins, "Your next dance has already been spoken for?"

The others had been too distracted by their desire to turn what they perceived as a stranger into something more digestible. They wanted to assess before allowing themselves to be seen dancing with you at the first ball of the season.

One of the other lords raises his chin slightly, a precursor to an intervention. The thought of having to let go of your ability to escape brings you back to. "No," you manage, "No, it has not." The answer feels more jumbled than it should be. You're meant to be a lady--a mature lady that does not turn bashful at the first sign of attention. "I'd be delighted to join you for a dance, Lord..."

His eyebrows briefly pull together as he responds, "Bridgerton. Benedict Bridgerton."

Bridgerton. It hits you with no warning. The summer afternoons spent--much to your mama's horror--running through the gardens, the conversations in the library, the birthdays, teas, and large family gatherings.

Benedict Bridgerton is standing in front of you, asking you to dance. If the version of you that used to hold onto the every word of her sister's stories could see you now, she'd faint of happiness. While you were always closest to Eloise, often joining her and Penelope as your parents spoke to the older Bridgertons in the foyer, the first boy you ever wanted to imagine in this situation was Benedict.

Your feelings for him might have been defined by the innocence of childhood, but they were also painfully obvious. Your only saving grace was the fact that Benedict never looked at you long enough to notice.

"Then...I'd be delighted to, Lord Bridgerton."

He offers you an arm. The other men are forced to give you the space needed for you to approach Benedict. Your movements feel hazy as you step forward. This reunion has been fun, and extremely satisfying for your childhood self, but you really should mention that you know him. He'll likely go back to viewing you as a child, which is okay. It's not like he'd marry you. After the way you disappeared on his family after the passing of his father, you'll be lucky if he doesn't hate you.

Benedict guides you forward, the music coming to an end as the pairs already on the floor begin to still. "Forgive me if the intrusion was unwelcome."

The comment surprises you as you step back. "Unwelcome?" His lips press together as he places a hand against your back. The uncertainty does not suit him. "You do not have to worry about misstepping." His eyebrows draw together, and you realize your misstep. Benedict does not remember you. A lady should not encourage any man, suitor or otherwise, to speak so freely.

"I mean--" You pause as a soft melody begins to play. "All I meant was that I value honesty. If you were to unintentionally say something that you viewed as too transparent, I'd sooner appreciate your candor than pass judgement." The words tumble out, too jumbled and heavy for a first dance. Instead of responding, he watches you. "A courtesy I've often relied on. Clearly."

Benedict shakes his head once, a smile you'd like to believe is as good humored as it seems tugging at his lips. "No, no--for the sake of transparency, I was just thinking that I didn't expect to enjoy our conversation as much as I am."

The response immediately burrows into your chest, forcing all of the air out of your lungs. In the moments it takes you to recover, you're surprised that you don't miss a step of your dance. "And what were you expecting?" The question feels too sharp and sudden. "For the sake of transparency."

You're not sure if the joke has run its course, but Benedict seems to ease at it. "I was expecting...an escape from the mamas attempting to find me for their daughters."

Benedict's admission is stiff, his eyes focusing on something just beyond your shoulder. You would have never imagined that the eligible men had their own version of feeling trapped by the confines of politeness and societal duty. Despite Benedict's lack of malice, the mental image makes something in your chest ache. The thought is oddly endearing. A hovering mama, inserting herself in her daughter's affairs, guiding her through finding a match.

"I did not mean to offend you--"

"No," you shake your head, forcing yourself to think about what you do have, "No, it's not you. In fact, I was just thinking that I was also in need of an escape."

Benedict steps forward, continuing to lead you through the dance. His expression softens at your response. "Then it appears we've helped each other."

The music swells to its climax. The song will end soon. "It appears we did."

You match another step, careful to remember the dances your sister made you go over before arriving at Lady Danbury's home. "Unless your mama was part of the pack hunting me down."

"Pack?" You repeat, forcing yourself to feel your amusement more than your grief. "I did not realize I was in the presence of a bachelor so eligible, he's quite literally hunted by a frenzy of mamas desperate for him to speak to their daughters."

Benedict laughs at that, the sound fighting to be more restrained than it actually is. Your awareness of your surroundings isn't enough to keep you from laughing with him. "That's not how I meant it."

"I know." A beat passes, and when the glowing feeling slowly but surely growing in your chest doesn't dissipate, you continue, "Actually, my mama's not here." It's as close to getting the words out as you can get. Not gone, not buried, just not here. "I am here as Lady Danbury's charge."

The music comes to an end. Some quality of his expression that you can't translate shifts. "Really?" You nod. Okay, Benedict now knows who you're staying with. It's time to confess who you are. Your lips part, but Benedict beats you to it. "I know who you're with, and I still don't know your name."

An undeniable question. You swallow, preparing to force out your own name.

"Benedict." At the sound of his name, he turns his head. A young woman you vaguely recognize from your debut approaches him. "I think I should need some air, brother." Oh--his sister. A Bridgerton who's closer to you in age--Francesca. You tense, waiting for some sense of recognition to pass over her. She barely glances at you, her body language stiff and uncomfortable.

Benedict seems to pick up on her worry. He allows her to take his arm. "Alright...I'll escort you." He looks over at you, expression apologetic, "I'm--"

"It's alright." You mean it. "Go, help your sister. You've already helped me more than I thought possible."

Benedict nods, offering you a parting glance as he escorts his sister away from the floor.

What were you thinking? Discussing an appreciation for honesty and transparency while actively keeping a secret from him? Perhaps Francesca's appearance was a sign that things are better off ended there.

Benedict's aversion of mamas implies that he is not ready to be married. He has no plans on courting you, and you may very well go the rest of the reason without speaking to him. The thought of getting to keep your secret, of not having to find out if Benedict holds the fact that after his father passed and your family moved, you didn't write to him or his family against you, is a blessing. It should make you happy, but instead, it only magnifies the hollowness of your chest.

----

i want to write a part 2 for this something BAD i love bridgerton

#bridgerton #bridgerton x reader #benedict bridgerton #benedict bridgerton x reader #netflix bridgerton #netflix bridgerton x reader

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yandere-writer-momo · 11 months

Text

Yandere Baki Short Stories: Wish Upon A Star

Yandere Hanayama Kaoru x Sweet Afab Reader

This piece is a little darker and very unsettling. It’s over 7k words, making it one of my longest Baki pieces. I had a dream about this so I HAD to write it immediately. Hanayama cat >>>

TW: Yandere behavior, dubcon, mentions of past abuse, angst, fantasy elements, and other dark subjects. Do not proceed if you are sensitive to these topics. You have been warned

Red Salvias mean “Forever Mine”

“I don’t need your input on my personal life.” Kaoru said in a crossly tone, he glowered at his fiancée (your name). Despite this being an arranged relationship, she treated it as if they were truly in one. And it annoyed Kaoru to no end. “This is just an arrangement. Nothing more. I’d greatly prefer if you left me alone until the marriage.”

(Your name) shrunk under his gaze. The young woman did her best to make herself as small as possible, despite her already being dainty. She hadn’t meant to upset him, she merely wanted to spend time with him… she wanted to know him better so they wouldn’t be miserable together. Plus, he spent more time with other women rather than her. It wasn’t fair.

“I just wanted to-“ Kaoru held up his hand to cut her off, the yakuza boss pointed to his office door.

“See yourself out and take the bento with you. I don’t need your affections.” (Your name) bowed her head and took the bento with her while she held in a sniffle. She truly hadn’t meant to upset him…

“I won’t bother you again then. Have a good one.” (Your name) bowed her head to him for the final time before she turned on her heel and left. She wouldn’t make an attempt to get close to him again.

Kaoru grumbled and got back to his paperwork. His eyes glanced at her retreating figure. Hopefully she would keep her word.

(Your name) kicked off her shoes once she made it back to her small apartment. The young woman reached up to undo her bun as she locked her door behind her.

She sighed heavily before she plopped herself in her reading nook. Her body sunk into the plush pillows, the calming scent of lavender soothed her heavy heart.

“Rejected yet again.” (Your name) bitterly chuckled to herself. She hugged a pillow close to herself at an attempt at comfort. How foolish was she to think she could find the love she so desperately wanted all her life.

To cope with her loneliness, she’d read fairytales. The ones of romance and happy endings to dull the senses. Her only escape was in her head.

(Your name) sniffled, the dam that held back her tears started to crack. And soon a loud sob followed. Was there something wrong with her? Was she not pretty enough? Not curvaceous enough? Was she too loud?

(Your name) didn’t know but she knew none of the physical things mattered on Kaoru’s interest in her. She was her father’s daughter and their families had been at odds for generations. Their marriage was simply a truce to stop the blood shed between them.

(Your name) glanced at the night sky, her eyes filled with wonder at the shooting star that danced across the sky. A childish delight filled her pitiful form yet the bitterness from her rejection still burned in her heart.

“I wish...” (Your name) sniffled, her fingers wiped away a few of her tears. “I wish for him to fall in love with someone who has no interest in him.”

Kaoru strolled through an alleyway with one hand in his pocket and the other smoking a cigar. Every time he saw (your name), it left an awful taste in his mouth.

She always tried to come to him with her soft smiles, hopeful eyes, and warm meals. She reminded him of a bunny with those innocent eyes and shy glances. (Your name) was weak, she wouldn’t last in the yakuza world.

Kaoru took in a deep inhale of his cigar, the smoke burned his lungs a bit but it soothed his frustration. She was the daughter of his enemy. The chess piece meant to be a peace offering.

Kaoru would never be able to give her what she wanted. Not when her family has been at war with his for so many generations. Kaoru hated her for where she came from. She’d never have his heart nor a place in his bed. He only agreed to marry her to end the blood bath between their families.

Kaoru exhaled the smoke and stomped his cigar out under his shoes. Even the thought of her disgusted him.

Kaoru glanced up at the sky, a bright light caught his eye. Was that a shooting star?

Kaoru chuckled to himself, a bitter wish spilt from his lips.

“I wish for that woman to no longer be interested in me.”

And that’s when a bright light consumed him. His eyes wide in shock as his body began to shrink and sprout white fur that matched the suit he wore. What the hell was going on?!

And before Kaoru could get a word out, he was now a cat. A very fluffy one at that.

How on earth was going to explain this one to Kizaki?

For three days Kaoru roamed the Tokyo streets as a cat. So far, he’s been chased off by his own men and had rocks thrown at him from ornery children. Kaoru had no choice but to hide from the elements and the people. They weren’t friendly to cats that looked like him.

Kaoru had seen his reflection in a puddle. Sure he was a Persian but his face was riddled in ugly scars. What may have made him intimidating as a man, only made him ugly as a cat. No one wanted to touch or take care of a cat that looked like it fought.

Kaoru was miserable and at this rate, he may die of starvation. He didn’t know anything about being a cat. He has never been so humiliated in his life.

And that was when he heard a familiar, soft voice. His body froze from under the dumpset. (Your name)…

Kaoru peaked out from the dumpster, his now copper eyes took in her familiar form as she bought groceries at a local market. Why was she in a place like this? She was the daughter of a yakuza boss. She should be at an estate.

“Are you sure you’re alright dear? You look so tired.” The elderly cashier expressed concern for (your name).

“I’m alright. Thank you for your concern, Hana.” (Your name) gave the cashier a smile. Her arms scooped up the paper grocery bag. “Thank you for the fresh fish.”

“Of course! You need some more sleep. Maybe you’ll attract a husband then?” (Your name) had a disgruntled expression on her face, but it was gone in a flash.

“Maybe. Thank you again.” (Your name) bowed a bit in respect. And then she was off.

Kaoru immediately pursued her, his fluffy tail stood straight up. His small paws tottered after her.

Come on… look at me. Turn this way.

(Your name) sadly was not a mind reader so Kaoru had no choice but to swallow his pride and…

“Meow.” (Your name) froze in her tracks, her head turned around to see the fluffy Persian that sat behind her expectantly. Its white tail flicked back and forth like a clock.

(Your name) studied the scarred cat in curiosity. What on earth was a Persian doing on the street? That breed was such a high maintenance one and it could get sick… was it abused?

(Your name) bent down and held her hand out for the cat to sniff. She didn’t have a clue that this cat was her fiancé.

Kaoru reluctantly rubbed his head against her hand. His copper eyes stared up at her pretty face. Even he had to admit that she was attractive despite their circumstances.

“Are you lost?” Her voice was barely above a whisper, her expression soft. “Poor thing…”

(Your name) frowned at the mats in the cat’s white fur and the dirt on it. It was most likely abandoned… just like her.

(Your name) slowly wrapped her hand around the cat and hoisted it up in her arm next to her groceries.

“You’re a heavy thing.” (Your name) whispered while she continued on her way to her apartment. A small smile on her lips when she felt the cat’s stomach growl. “And you’re hungry… well I have some extra fish. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

Kaoru sighed. Of course she’s take in an ugly cat like him. If he would have known, he would have come to her first.

Hopefully this situation was temporary. He had no intention of staying with her once he became human again… or so he thought.

(Your name) gently bathed the cat in her tub. Her fingers gently worked through the mats with dish soap. So far, the cat has been silent since she’s brought it home.

Perhaps the cat’s trauma made it mute? The cat didn’t even purr when she pet it. It hurt her heart to know this poor animal has never felt love before.

“I wonder if you’re a boy or a girl?” (Your name) muttered, her hands turn the cat around to check. The cat hissed loudly and swatted at her. “Oh I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to upset you.”

(Your name) apologized to the cat like it would understand her (Kaoru did). But she caught a glimpse of male genitals so now she knew her furry companion was a boy.

(Your name) scratched the cat behind the ears while she pulled the plug to the tub. She then gently picked the cat up and dried it with some towels. She found that the cat’s entire body was covered in so many scars. Most likely from years of abuse.

(Your name) studied the cat’s face in thought. Now that she had a better look at the cat… “You’re a little ugly.”

Kaoru furrowed his brow, which made (your name) giggle at how grumpy the cat looked. “But you’re also kind of cute.”

Kaoru flicked his tail back and forth while she continued to dry him off. He was perplexed. Even when he was a cat, she was still sweet to him.

Kaoru couldn’t understand her. What did she gain from this? How could someone be so kind to a fault?

Kaoru felt something stir in him as his copper eyes studied her face. A thought running through his head for only but a single moment…Had she always been this beautiful?

Kaoru was fed pretty nice meals for a cat. (Your name) would share some of her vegetables and fish with him. Food he knew he’d never find on the streets.

Yet he’d catch her nearly prepare a lunchbox once and awhile. The young woman would mumble curses at herself and hurriedly feed him whatever she was about to prepare.

“Oops. A bad habit. How could I be so stupid?” (Your name) quietly scolded herself once more before she fed Kaoru the chicken she had cut up. “Here you go. At least it will go to someone who will eat it.”

It took Kaoru a week to realize that her bad habit was preparing a lunch box for him. Human him at least. She had truly stuck to her promise of not bothering him again but Kaoru could see the hurt in her eyes whenever she caught herself. Why did she look so sad? They barely knew each other?

Kaoru’s copper eyes observed her clean up the kitchen in haste. She was such an anxious thing. She was like a scared bunny. Always jumping at the slightest noise and apologizing. Kaoru found it kind of endearing.

Kaoru perked up when she sat at the little nook in the center of the apartment. Her dainty body sunk into the cushions while the city lights reflected off her eyes. She looked so beautiful… like an angel.

Kaoru found himself trotting over to her before he realized it. His feline body now seated beside her.

“Oh? Do you want to see?” (Your name) softly asked him before she picked him up and placed him on her lap. The view was beautiful from the window. Kaoru could see most of the city from here. “I bought this room just for the view…”

Kaoru turned his head up to look at her face, only to be taken aback by the sadness in her eyes. Why did she always look so sad?

“I hope to enjoy it furfor as long as I can… I wonder if I’ll have a nice view once I have to get married?” (Your name) thought aloud, which made Kaoru freeze. “I hope… I’ll just sit there all day and read. I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good.”

And that’s when Kaoru slowly began to realize the signs. She was always so quiet, her voice was barely above a whisper at all times. She’s never been treated well.

Kaoru felt so awful when he felt a few tears drop on his head. He had assumed she was an awful person because of her family and yet she was just as much a victim. She was genuine and she had hoped to cultivate a relationship with him because she’s never had one.

Kaoru rubbed his head against her hands which shocked her. His copper eyes took in the small smile on her face. He burned it into his memory.

“Are you comforting me?” (Your name) gently held the cat close to her chest. Her fingers pet the cat’s head fondly. “Thank you… Yuki.”

And for the first time in the week and a half she’s had him, Kaoru purred.

Kaoru found himself rubbing against (your name)’s legs whenever she was in the kitchen after two months with her. His custom made collar jingled while he purred. Kaoru was content with her. He was happy to be by her side.

She’d talk to him sometimes and she’d read to him her favorite stories. (Your name) let him sleep beside her in her soft bed. His feline life was peaceful with her. Kaoru wanted to stay with her. He wanted to make her smile. He wanted to make her laugh.

She told him her secrets. Of how abusive her family was. How she was scared of thunder storms. How she would hide in her closet whenever she was scared. And what her father did to her first pet. How she wished she could move far away and start over. It made his blood boil to know what she’s been through.

Kaoru didn’t want her to ever be sad or scared again. He only wanted her to smile and to live a peaceful life. Kaoru would give her an amazing life if he ever became a man again.

Kaoru would make sure she could eat her favorite meal more often. He would sit with her as she read aloud. He would hold her close if a thunderstorm passed through and whisper sweet things into her ear. He would make love to her every night. He’d spoil her like a princess. He’d give her the world.

But with her interest in him as her cat, as her companion Yuki, he failed to realize that she had completely lost interest in him as a man.

A harsh reality he’d soon come to realize…

“I’ll be out for groceries.” (Your name) smiled warmly at her cat. Kaoru purred as he sat by the door. “I won’t be long.”

Kaoru sat by the door, even when it clicked shut. His paws touched the wood as his heart raced. Six months with her… he’s been by her side for six months. And it made him realize how much he loved her. How he adored her. Kaoru wanted to tell her… he needed to tell her.

“I love you.” Kaoru was shocked when he spoke rather than meow. His body soon began to change back into that of a man. The small purple collar snapped but Kaoru was able to quickly tuck it into his suit pocket.

Was this whole situation some crap version of beauty and the beast? Was love what broke the strange magic off of him?

Kaoru admired his hands and stretched them. It was nice to be a man again… but (your name) wouldn’t understand why he was there… maybe he should make it look like the cat was taken?

He’d have to make a scene in this apartment and then he’d have to find a way to explain his absence to Kizaki.

And what better excuse to use than to say (your name)’s family had harmed him? Kaoru was going to have to make sure to rough himself up before he went home.

Kaoru used his strength to break the door knob off and threw it against the wall on the apartment. Her then threw her cheap coffee table across the room and broke a few glasses. There. Now it was a breaking and entering.

Kaoru quickly fled the scene before he was seen. He didn’t want to be caught in her home and he didn’t want anyone to see him.

Kaoru’s heart hurt. He knew she’d be so crushed that her cat was gone but he’d swoop in to save her.

He’d be her prince just like the ones in those fairytale books she loved so much.

(Your name) held her groceries close to her chest. Her heart fluttered at the thought of Yuki being excited to see her.

She made sure to buy his favorite, salmon. Maybe he’d like to sit at the table with her?

That cat had no idea how he saved her from her pit of despair. How he made her want to live again.

(Your name) began to climb up the steps to her apartment but she stopped halfway. Her eyes wide in horror when she saw police outside her door.

“Ma’am is this your apartment?”

“Y-yes.” It was so hard for her to breathe. Yuki… was Yuki okay?

“I’m afraid there’s been a burglary-“ the cop froze when she dashed up the steps and frantically checked her house. “Ma’am. This is a crime scene.”

“I just need to make sure Yuki is okay…” (your name) felt her body tremble when her beloved cat didn’t come to her. Has her father taken yet another thing she loved from her?

“Ma’am-“ the cop froze when he saw the young woman sob. The cop awkwardly put an an around her.

“I’m sorry ma’am. Is there a place you can stay until the investigation is over?” The cop softly asked. “And you called out for a Yuki. Is that a child?”

“No… he’s my cat.” Her life. He was her life and he was gone.. gone.

(Your name) sat in her old room at her family’s compound over the last few days. She never wanted to come back here but her father didn’t want her to become ‘damaged goods.’

(Your name) curled up in the dark room and hugged her knees. A small light from the ceiling her only light.

Perhaps this was her fate? To live in a dark room for the rest of her life without any light. All for being a (last name).

“Yuki…” (your name) softly whispered, her hands held her body tighter. She should have just fled with her cat when she had the chance. She no longer craved love from anyone.

All she needed was her animal companion and she would have been content. Animals were better than people. They didn’t hurt her unless they were scared. Not like people… not like her father.

(Your name) jumped when gunshots and screams echoed throughout the estate. What was going on?

(Your name) began to panic, her head whipped over to her closet. The young woman crawled into it and made herself as small as possible. She just needed to make herself small… tiny and invisible. She wasn’t here. She was far away.

(Your name) was far away and with Yuki. She was safe. There weren’t footsteps in her room- there were loud footsteps in her room.

(Your name) put her hands over her mouth and held her breath. Her body as still as water.

The figure now stood in front of her door. She could see their large silhouette. She was going to die. (Your name) hoped someone took care of Yuki, if he was still alive. That they’d feed him bits of salmon and let him lay with them.

When the door opened, she was surprised to be pulled into a hug. A large body held her tightly to his, his body shook in powerful tremors.

“It’s okay… you’re okay.” (Your name) froze at the voice. Kaoru? Why was… why was he here? “Your husband has you.”

(Your name) was still frozen in fear, which made it easier for Kaoru to scoop her up in his arms. The yakuza boss pushed her face into his neck.

“Don’t look, okay? You don’t need to see them anymore.”

(Your name) trembled and clutched onto his shirt. She didn’t have to look to know what he had done. She knew he massacred her family.

The question was… why didn’t he kill her too?

“Boss, if you want I can take care of her-“ (your name) flinched when she heard a loud slap. Her body still held tightly against Kaoru’s.

“Don’t even think about touching her.” Kaoru pressed his lips against the top of her head. “She is mine. Do you understand?”

Kaoru safely escorted (your name) into his limousine. His arms held her tightly and refused to let her go. It confused (your name) to no end.

Why was he so sweet with her now? What made her special?

Or… was he just prolonging her inevitable death?

Kaoru was frustrated. Despite (your name) being with him for a month now, she refused to come out of her room. She trembled whenever he touched her and it upset him.

“Boss, what’s gotten into you?” Kaoru froze when Kizaki furrowed his brow. “You’ve been so… obsessed with Miss (last name)-“

“Missus Hanayama.” Kaoru corrected Kizaki. The man swirled his whiskey in his glass in thought. “Why is she so scared of me-“

“You killed her family. I think that’s a normal human reaction.” Kizaki pointed out which only made Kaoru huff.

“She hated them. They were awful to her-“

“How do you know so much about her anyways?” Kizaki asked with his brow furrowed. “Where were you actually for the last eight months? Were you truly being held captive?”

Kaoru sighed and gave Kizaki a look. “If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me. But (your name) saved me.” Kaoru muttered, his expression soft. “I love her.”

Kizaki sighed. He could tell Kaoru was telling the truth and he knew Kaoru meant every word he said.

“Okay… just start off small with her?” Kizaki advised Kaoru. “Maybe you could eat with her or something?”

Kaoru’s face lit up when an idea hit him. Why hadn’t he thought of it before?

“Kizaki. Let’s move her to a room with a big window and add a reading nook in front of it.” Kaoru smiled at Kizaki. “She’ll love it.”

(Your name) was led by Kaoru’s servants to a new room. The young woman clutched her hands close to her chest in nervousness. He’s been hovering around her for the last month like a surveillance drone. Had he been plotting all this time? Was she finally being brought to her execution?

(Your name) was shocked when the doors opened to reveal a cozy room with a reading nook that was eerily similar to her one at the apartment. Except it was much bigger than her old one. How did he know she loved a reading nook and how did he pick the same colors?

(Your name)’s fingers traced over the large nook in wonder. It looked so cozy…

“Do you like it?” (Your name) nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard Kaoru’s deep voice. Her head whipped around to see him standing in her rooms, the servants had already skittered away like mice. “I thought it would make you more comfortable.”

(Your name) glanced towards the floor. She was still scared of Kaoru… and she felt as if his kindness had a hidden motive. She was terrified of him.

“It’s lovely. Thank you.” (Your name) jumped a bit when Kaoru grabbed a strand of her hair. The oyabun pressed a tender kiss to the silky strands.

“I just want to make my wife happy.” (Your name) was shocked when Kaoru suddenly pulled her into a hug. His lips pressed to the top of her head.

“Oh… but we don’t have to keep the arrangement now.” (Your name) replied in a mousy tone. If she had rabbit ears, they’d be folded back. “You’re free from the promise between our families-“

(Your name) squealed when Kaoru grabbed her face, his obsidian eyes filled with an emotion she’d never seen on his face.

“Has someone told you to leave me?” Kaoru asked, his eyes filled with an angry fire. “Have any of the servants been mean to you? You can tell me.”

“N-no.” (Your name) began to cry which made Kaoru move his hand down to hold her. “I… you said you didn’t want my affections…”

Kaoru froze in horror. He had forgotten he had told her that almost a year ago… that he always pushed this beautiful, sweet girl away.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” Kaoru bent down and pressed kisses all over her cheeks. “I will make it up to you. You’ll live a good life with me.”

(Your name) gasped when he picked her up and laid with her in the large nook that perfectly fit the two of them. Kaoru’s large hand moved to hold her head again his chest. His heart drummed in his chest and his cheeks felt warm since he was close to her.

This was the way it was supposed to be… this was perfect. His princess was safe and sound in his arms.

(Your name) sniffled but relaxed in his hold. There was something oddly comforting about Kaoru but she couldn’t put her finger on it. He knew so much about her… it was scary. She’s never told anyone anything about herself.

Except her cat, Yuki. She hoped he was okay. She hoped he wasn’t on the streets starving or cold. She felt like an awful pet parent.

“What’s on your mind?” Kaoru asked in a gentle tone. His cheek pressed against the top of her head.

“…I miss my cat.” (Your name) admitted in a whisper which made Kaoru frown. He was her cat… but that would be such a strange thing to admit.

“You can tell me about you cat.” Kaoru replied. “Maybe I could help you find him?”

“Really? You’d do that for me?” Kaoru’s breath hitched at the beautiful smile on her face. There it was… there was her smile.

“Of course I would.” Kaoru smiled down at her. “I’d do anything for you.”

(Your name) smiled and cuddled into his chest. Yes… she’d find her cat.

And then she’d make a run for it.

Kaoru made a lot of effort to help her find her beloved cat. He had a sketch artist draw her description and he even walked around the city with her whenever he wasn’t busy. Kaoru was wonderful to her.

She began to trust him and accept his subtle touches as the weeks turned to months.

Kaoru would have his chefs prepare all of her favorite meals and he’d sit with her on her nook to read.

Kaoru would make sure to cover her windows if there was going to be a thunder storm. He would even lay with her in her bed and hold her when it was storming. He didn’t care when she shook and cried, he’d shush her with sweet words.

(Your name) just couldn’t figure out how he knew so much about her without her telling him anything. He was a completely different man now.

It was almost like he was a prince… but that pain of the rejection from long ago was still there. She wasn’t sure if she could be with him romantically.

Today would be the first time she would seek him out. (Your name) felt bad that he always doted on her.

(Your name) opened his office door and peered in. He must have been out.

She was about to leave but something purple caught her eye. Was that… Yuki’s collar?

(Your name)’s hand shook as she lifted up the collar to her eyes to examine it. The engraved heart name tag broke her heart. It was Yuki’s…

(Your name) felt her knees buckle from under her but strong arms caught her. Kaoru had snuck up on her and flipped her over into an embrace. His face buried in the crook of her neck.

“I can explain-“

“Is he…” (your name) felt a sob rack through her body when Kaoru only held her tighter. He knows she’d never believe him if he told her the truth.

“I was so afraid to tell you. I didn’t want you to fall apart thinking you’re alone.” Kaoru whispered, his lips pressed against her shoulder blades. “I’m here.”

(Your name) melted into his hold. Kaoru was right. He was here and he was warm. He looked just like Yuki in his white suit. He even had the same facial scars…

(Your name) froze while her mind began to race. How did Kaoru know she was scared of thunderstorms? How did he know she loved to sit by a window in a nook and the color scheme she liked? How did he know about her abuse? Her favorite food?

Kaoru suddenly was affectionate with her when he had only ever ignored her and pushed her to the side.

“Kaoru…” (your name) felt like something was stuck in her throat when Kaoru nuzzled his head on her shoulder the same way Yuki did.

“Yes?”

“This is going to sound crazy but… are you Yuki?” (Your name) felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up when Kaoru went completely silent. “That was stupid to say wasn’t it. I’m sorry-“

Kaoru silenced her with his lips. His hands grabbed at her flesh like she was his lifeline.

(Your name) gasped when he shoved his tongue into her mouth and eagerly danced with hers. His body trembled and his embrace tightened like a snake’s coils.

(Your name)’s eyes were still wide while Kaoru sensually moved his lips and tongue against her still ones. What… what was he doing?

Kaoru slowly pulled away, his body shivered. His cheeks were a bit rosy and he felt so warm. He finally kissed the woman he loved.

“I love you.” Kaoru whispered, his eyes filled with so much adoration in them that (your name) thought she would drown. “I love you so much.”

The wish… she had wished for him to fall in love with someone who was not interested in him… why did it have to be her?

Kaoru frowned when she didn’t reply. Her eyes stared straight ahead.

“Say something… please.” Kaoru furrowed his brow. His heart hammered in his chest in anticipation of her answer. “Do you love me too?”

(Your name) shook her head, her hands tightly gripped his white suit.

“There was a shooting star almost a year ago… what did you wish for?” (Your name) muttered under her breath. Her body shook like a leaf.

Kaoru went still. The star… the star turned him into a cat. Was that (your name)‘s wish? Had she… no. She wouldn’t wish him harm. She was too kind.

“I wished… for you to no longer be interested in me.” Kaoru whispered, he gave her body a squeeze from in his inescapable hold. “But I love you now so we can be together-“

“I wished for you to fall in love with someone who wasn’t interested in you.” (Your name) whispered so softly that Kaoru almost didn’t hear it. The tears started to fall down her face. Their wishes corresponded with each other’s… is that why it was granted. “But it wasn’t supposed to be me. You’re not supposed to love me-“

Kaoru pressed another kiss to her lips. His whole body shook. She couldn’t be uninterested in him. He was the perfect man for her. He knew everything about her. They shared so much with each other. She completed him.

“Perhaps this was meant to be then?” Kaoru replied, his hands tugged his tie loose. “It doesn’t matter because I’ll make you love me.”

(Your name) could only cry when his lips descended against hers.

She should have never wished upon a star.

(Your name) found herself in Kaoru’s bed as he hurriedly undressed himself. The twenty five year old cursed a bit in his frustration.

Kaoru had lit candles around the room for a dim, romantic lighting. Yet he was restless.

“I wanted this to be perfect… I don’t want you to experience anything less than perfect.” Kaoru sighed while he ran a hand through his hair. The black tresses now a bit messy. “But it’s all fallen apart now.”

“Kaoru?” (Your name) gulped when he glanced towards her. His eyes heavy with a mixture of lust and obsession.

“Yes, my wife?” (Your name) shivered when he sat himself on the bed beside her shivering form. “What’s wrong, dear?”

“I… I don’t want this-“

“You will.” Kaoru smiled at her, his lips pressed against her forehead. “I’ll show you just how much a man can love a woman. I’ll show you love and pleasure you’ve never experienced before.”

Kaoru’s lips descended to softly kiss her stomach. His eyes glanced up expectantly into hers.

“You’re so beautiful. My beautiful wife.” Kaoru whispered. His lips trailed up her stomach while his hands pushed her shirt up. “I want to see all of you… I want to love all of you.”

(Your name) tried to push him away but Kaoru grabbed her hands and kissed them. His expression soft.

“It’s like it’s the first time again for me… except I’m going to make love to the love of my life.”

“K-Kaoru. Please-“ Kaoru pressed his lips against hers and pulled her hips into his. A gasp escaped her lips when she felt something big press against her. There was no way… there was no way he was going to fit.

Kaoru could feel her nervousness so he helped her out of her shirt. His hands and lips covered every bit of bare skin he could reach.

“It’s okay. If you get scared, you can hold onto me.” Kaoru smiled at her, his hands tugged her pants down.

(Your name) inhaled a deep breath when Kaoru tenderly pressed his lips against hers. His plump lips nearly devoured hers from how much bigger he was than her. She felt as if she was a lamb about to be slaughtered rather than a lover.

Kaoru moved his lips from her to kiss her cheeks and down her neck. He made sure to greedily suck on each sensitive spot to leave his mark on her.

Kaoru snapped her bra apart with two of his fingers with ease. His breath hitched at the sight of her bare chest.

“So beautiful… my beautiful wife.” Kaoru sung her praises while he continued to kiss and nip at her flesh.

Kaoru then gently placed one of her pert buds in his mouth and gave it a suckle. His pointer finger and thumb softly pinched the neglected nipple while he paid utmost attention to her pert chest. A smile on his lips when (your name) began to moan and gasp under him. There it was. She was starting to fall under his spell.

Kaoru continued to suckle her chest, the man switched between each nipple to give them both equal attention. His tongue and teeth circled each bud in a salacious manner. Small waves of pleasure began to stir within (your name) as her eyes stayed locked with his. She couldn’t look away no matter how badly she wanted to cover her face in her hands. And that only encouraged Kaoru to take more steps.

(Your name) gasped when his fingers ran up and down her clothed slit. Her lacy panties her last line of defense from his starving eyes. Kaoru’s expression lit up at the dampness.

“I knew I could make you feel good… I’ll be slow, okay?” Kaoru quickly ripped the panties off her and threw them across the room. The man pulling back a bit to admire her completely bare form. “Beautiful. You’re so beautiful.”

“Kaoru, please-“ (your name) gasped when Kaoru began to kiss down her stomach until he stopped right on her pelvis. Kaoru gave her one last look before he dragged his tongue down her damp slip, which was only the beginning.

Kaoru gave her one last look before he dove into her folds. His tongue swirling and thrusting into her entrance. Sinful noises echoed throughout the room, his hands held her hips in place so there was no escape from him.

The young woman elicited sharp gasps at the sensation, her hips bucked forward and her toes curled. Her fingers tangled in his dark lock to try to ground herself from his assault. Her body betrayed her mind as he began to bring her to the brink of ecstasy.

And Kaoru knew that from the way her body began to go taut and the cute bit of drool that dripped down her lips. She didn’t need to fight it, he wouldn’t waste anything she’d give him.

(Your name) cried when her orgasm tore through her. Her body convulsed and shook to try to get away from Kaoru but he kept going. The man greedily riding her orgasm with her until she felt so over stimulated and spent.

(Your name) felt her body go slack with bliss. The poor girl has never experienced anything like this in her entire life. Not nearly to that magnitude.

(Your name) gasped when Kaoru sunk a finger into her, the man hummed at how greedily her pussy sucked the digit in. Her face scrunched up at the uncomfortable stretch. His finger was so thick…

“So greedy. Do you want some more?” Kaoru softly asked her with a smile. A bit of her essence glistened on his lips, his pink muscle quickly darted out to lick it off. “I’ll have to prepare you a bit more. I’m more than likely bigger than any man you may have had before.”

“I… I haven’t been with a man.” (Your name) nearly screamed when Kaoru began to thrust his finger in and out of her. His eyes filled with stars and his mouth agape.

“Then… then that makes you all mine.” Kaoru whispered in a hushed tone. (Your name) could only gasp when he began to insert a second digit. “My wife… my beautiful wife.”

(Your name) began to cry from how over stimulated she was. Her poor body trembled as his fingers expertly curled in and out of her. Her hands grabbed his forearms to try to brace herself.

“You’re ready.” Kaoru pulled his fingers from her, his fingers covered in her fluids. Kaoru pulled apart his fundoshi to reveal himself to her. (Your name)’s eyes widened in terror. There was no way… no way that was going to fit inside of her.

(Your name) attempted to scoot back but Kaoru was faster. His hands grabbed her ankles and yanked him back towards him. The man smiled down at her as he aligned himself.

“I’ll be gentle… just hold onto my back.” Kaoru pressed kisses to her knuckles, his hands placed her on his back. “I love you.”

And he pushed in, his bulbous tip pushed past her tight muscles to enter her warmth. His eyes rolled back in his head from the sensation.

“So tight… you’re so tight.” Kaoru hissed, his body shook as he slowly eased himself into her. His eyes softened at her tears. “It’s okay. It will only hurt for a bit. I promise.”

Kaoru kissed away the tears in her cheeks until he was all the way in. His hands affectionately rubbed the bulge on her stomach. His eyes held so much love, (your name) swore she was drowning in it.

Kaoru gave an experimental thrust, his eyes studied her expression in awe. Her cute little gasp only egged him on.

(Your name) clutched onto Kaoru as he began to thrust. Her body slowly was being pounded into the mattress by this massive man.

“You’re too big.” (Your name) cried, her body shifted from under him. She could feel him all the way in her guts. She could feel his tip forcefully kissing her cervix in a way she didn’t think possible. He was all she could feel. All she could smell. And now she was all his.

“You’ll get used to me as time goes on. You’re taking me so well.” Kaoru grunts from above her. He made sure not to be too rough with his thrusts despite the temptation to pound her into oblivion. “You feel so good… like a dream. You were made for me.”

Kaoru smirked when she let out a loud moan at a particular spot he thrusted. He found her special spot. He quickly angled her hips up and began to hit that spot repeatedly.

(Your name) whined when she felt that coil start to build up. Kaoru’s palm pressed down on her stomach to help her reach her high.

“It’s too much! Too much!” (Your name) felt her body be brought to the edge of yet another orgasm. Her toes curled and her body stiffened.

“I love you.” Kaoru whispered into her ear, his body trembled from above her. “I’m so close… I’m so fucking close. Please say you love me…”

“I…” She knew she wouldn’t mean it but she was currently lost in pleasure. She only wanted this to be over so she didn’t care about the consequences. “I love you too.”

“Cum for me.” Kaoru smiled down at her, his body trembled from above hers, his thumb rubbed lazy circles on her neglected clit. The sensation of her scratching his back and tightening around him was too much. “We’ll cum together.”

(Your name) came with a cry, her body convulsed and her fingernails dug deeply into Kaoru’s skin. And she felt something hot fill her. Without a doubt she knew he had came inside of her but she was so tired… she didn’t want to think about the consequences of this tryst.

Kaoru’s breathing was heavy, his cheeks a bit rosy from the ordeal. He never felt so fulfilled… so loved.

Poor (your name) was so exhausted. Her body sunk into the plush mattress. Kaoru pulled out, their fluids spilling out of her in a small stream of white. Kaoru marveled at his work for a second, his fingers pushed some of his cum back into her to prevent too much of a mess.

Kaoru plopped his body beside hers, his arms caged her in to stay with him. He placed tender kisses all over the top of her head.

“You did so good. You took me so well.” Kaoru grabbed the sheets and pulled them over her. He cuddled his large from into her smaller one. “I love you so much.”

(Your name) felt a wave of exhaustion wash over her. And she had no desire to fight off her body’s desire to sleep.

Kaoru smiled down at her sleeping form, his fingers plays with a few of her silky strands of hair.

“I love you.” Kaoru whispered in her ear. “I’m so happy you love me too.”

Kaoru ran his fingers through her scalp while she slept. How could someone be so beautiful? So perfect? He was so happy he was able to please her. To show her pleasure and his love for her.

Tomorrow he would scoop her up and take a bath with her if she wanted. And then he’d get them breakfast in bed before he had to leave for work. He wondered if she wanted to get married soon since they’ve taken this big step together.

Hanayama Kaoru would do everything in his powers to make her dreams come true. Kaoru would keep her safe from the world outside until his final breath. He would do his best to be her Prince Charming like the ones in those fairy tale books she loved so much.

Sadly he failed to realize that he was no Prince. He was the dragon that kept the princess locked in a tower.

“We’re going to be together forever.”

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m1d-45 · 1 year

Text

second chances

summary: baizhu knows he isn’t your favorite, but he still finds himself hoping for the impossible. maybe, with enough prayer, he’ll get it.

word count: ~2k

-> warnings: major spoilers for baizhu story quest + lore + liyue archon quest, based on me and my experience (vaguely disliked baizhu at first due to partial information, immediately changed my mind w his quest and now adores him, doesn’t have kirara)

-> gn reader (you/yours) and unspecified traveller (they/them)

taglist: @samarill || @thenyxsky || @valeriele3 || @shizunxie || @boba-is-a-soup || @yuus3n || @esthelily || @turningfrogsgay || @cupandtea24 || @genshin-impacts-me || @chaoticfivesworld || @raaawwwr

< masterlist >

baizhu knows he isn’t the most favored.

from the first moment the traveller set foot in his office, he knew. he wasn’t met with anything special, no big flair from his god when you first saw him. it was to be expected, with how much time he spent praying—could gods have regulars?

it was simple. a quick ‘oh, the snake talks?’ thrown his way, a comment or two about his choice of outfit or the jade pendant hanging off his vision, and that was that. mostly, you seemed preoccupied with qiqi and the funeral parlor’s consultant, something to be expected. he was a quick stop on your journey, a note in the margins about the doctor you met at the pharmacy. it made sense, of course, that you’d be occupied with the death of rex lapis during the failed rite of descension, and the return of osial and beisht surely took priority over him. he offered little, only a dialogue or two actually shared between him and the traveller when you were present. he’d gathered as much of his energy, saved it for your arrival to make a good impression, so… it made sense you’d fret over qiqi, constantly forgetful as she was.

it made sense. he’d… made his peace. he had more to worry about, surely, what with orders to fulfill and his own condition to manage. maybe not more important—never, not maybe, what was he thinking?—but certainly more.

when your attention on qiqi flared, spurred by some unknown whim, he delighted a bit in being close to her, even if your thoughts on him weren’t entirely positive.

it was fair. you liked qiqi, and were concerned. it made sense you didn’t know every detail of teyvat, and since he’s never had the chance to come to you and spell out his story directly, it made sense you’d make some assumptions.

“i guess that makes sense, but still… qiqi deserves better.”

she probably did, in truth, but hearing it from you…

he’s had his vision for years by this point. he’s hd it for as long as he’d had changsheng, to be exact, and she was always able to remind him of exactly how long that had been.

“ssseven yearsss, four monthsss, thirteen daysss, and counting…”

“ah… thank you, changsheng.”

he knew he wasn’t special. out of the thousands of vision wielders across teyvat, only a handful have started having their constellations appear in the sky. just under a hundred, by his approximation, but he tried not to count. if he sought out the proper numbers, tried to pin down a percentage of those with a vision that had a chance to hold their god’s attention, then he’d start trying to find patterns. he was a doctor, patterns and rhythms were his literal job, but he knew that wouldn’t end well.

(a librarian, an alchemist, a lawyer: did you perhaps favor more studious types? a bartender, an exorcist, a detective: or those with a drive in their lives? a nobody, a traveller, a wandering samurai: or those seeking one out for themselves?)

there wasn’t a pattern. it was random. and part of him hated it.

baizhu had had his vision for seven years, eight months, and thirteen (was it fourteen? the sky was growing dark) days, and had never once seen his stars in the sky.

he had one. he had a constellation, something he knew was rare among vision wielders, but it didn’t guarantee him a spot in the sky any time soon. kirara had hers long before she had her chance in the heavens—they’d spoken about that, both hesitant to show the other their divine gift, but willing to speak of its existence.

and now kirara’s turn had passed. though her vision didn’t shine any brighter, he could see the pride in her smile when she dropped off another delivery at the pharmacy. sign here, check these, make sure this is what you ordered, goodbye have a good day, pretend like yours doesn’t weigh more after seeing hers.

it wasn’t as if he was unremarkable. a perfectly healthy man who had thrown himself into illness to find the cure for all of them? surely that was interesting, wasn’t it? but it wasn’t his time, he was being impatient, slipping back to the same mindset he condemned his patients for.

“patience. medicine doesn’t work in an instant, and you’ll need to be taking this for the next week at minimum.”

“but it’s so bitter!”

“then tell me, what tastes worse: bile, or this pill? if you want to stop being sick, you need to take it.”

patience.

qiqi was blessed with a place in the stars near instantly after she’d gotten her vision, but she was not the norm. perhaps his expectations were weighted, then? or maybe you disliked his work entirely? he didn’t like entertaining what ifs, but when various aches kept him up, there was little else he could do while he waited for his medication to take effect. patience, he tried to remind himself, counting his breaths. be patient. wait, be calm, don’t agitate yourself. count in, count out, are your breaths getting shorter? just stay calm, be patient…

the first time he saw you, he knew you were coming. he’d saved as much energy as he could, doing his best to make a good impression. but now, with changsheng nudging him awake urgently, pushing him into his shoes and putting his glasses on for him, the first thing he’d expected was the millelith, maybe, or perhaps the ministry of civil affairs. maybe he was needed urgently, maybe something had happened to qiqi, maybe he was late for his medication and he’d get terrible headaches if he wasn’t quick- oh, but then why would she bother to coil around his shoulders?

and yet, out of all those possibilities, none were correct.

“hey! who’s talking about me behind my back?”

“changsheng, qiqi meant that as a compliment. there’s no need to be upset.”

it had been so long since he’d felt your light, far longer since he’d been properly healthy. he’d forgotten how it felt to walk without the dull ache in his joints, and yet here he was. standing by gui and a familiar looking child, speaking with your traveller. it was easy to say words he didn’t choose, his throat not getting dry despite the lack of his morning tea.

the quest was long, and by the end he should have been exhausted. between taking on jialiang’s sickness to turning him into a zombie, he should have been out of commission for the next few days. as it was he had a nasty cough, his breath coming shorter than typical… but that was it. he took his regular medication at the dinner with your traveller, the linger of your aura on them still seeming to dull his pains. how curious, that you could cure ailments even he couldn’t name anymore…

“baizhu, are you alright?” idly, he wondered if the traveller noticed the change in their voice when they were speaking for you. it always sounded a bit lighter, a bit of your emotions bleeding through… a pity he’d never know why. “today must have been taxing for you…”

all eyes were on him now, even qiqi’s. “i’m doing fine,” he said simply, taking another sip of his tea. “better than normal, if anything, which i have to owe to our guest.”

paimon still seemed nervous. “but what about when we leave? what if everything hits you all at once? normally you stay at the pharmacy, and using your power so much…”

a fair assessment. while he was no stranger to combat, to be thrown in the middle of a pack of such vicious hilichurls was a shock. still, he had made it through—even if, privately, he doubted it would have been so clean without you there. “i will be fine. even if my condition declines, i am well equipped to handle flare ups.”

it seemed the whole group was hesitant to let him go. changsheng insisted he stay up until three hours had past since the traveller left, when his limbs again felt heavy and his head began to hurt. something odd was stirring in his chest, and he was eager to get to bed before it sparked into anything more. it was reasonable, he knew, but there were only so many prescriptions to prepare before he had nothing left to do. gui had long since went to bed, leaving just him in the lobby of the pharmacy, quietly double checking his stock of herbs.

eventually, he stood from his seat, returning the sweet flowers to their proper place. he held up an hand to let changsheng climb up his arm, closing up the pharmacy. she curled around his shoulders twice, a familiar weight. the night was cool, a slight breeze bumping the chain of his glasses against his cheek. it had been a long few days, and he was happy that everything was settled. he’d done all he could for jialiang, and he and his family hopefully wouldn’t be coming back for quite some time. back to routine…

“…baizhu?”

he checked the lock with a quick tug, “yes? what is it?”

“the ssstarsss… they’re due, aren’t they?”

ah. the cycles of constellations, switching through the sky. if he thought about it.. yes, they were, weren’t they?

“by my memory, they are. why?”

her head was turned, looking off to the part of the sky not obscured by the roof of the pharmacy.

“…changsheng-“

“look.”

“it’s late.” his heart began to pick up, false hopes being raised. patience, he chided himself, but what follower did not wish for acknowledgment from their god? “we should go to sleep before we fall too far out of schedule.”

“baizhu! i know you have better sssenses than that.”

perhaps he did. his vision burned where it was clipped to his side, invisible vines creeping up toward his heart. “don’t be too hasty,” he said quietly, the words tasting as bitter as his pills.

don’t be too hasty. you could still be wrong. don’t get your hopes up. be patient.

one hand went to his hip, undoing the clasp of his vision, the other settling on the railing. a few clouds dotted the sky, but he lifted his vision anyway, searching for any stars tinted green.

everything happened at once. the terrace was replaced with an ocean of skies, the slight mumble of “i do have a guaranteed…” getting lost in the whirlwind around him. he was weightless, trapped in by an invisible box, only dimly aware of the fact that his pain had once again disappeared. he was floating, dressed in the attire he normally saved for formal events—dressed in what he’d put on when you’d first arrived—with no sight of the pharmacy below him. it was just him and changsheng, him and changsheng and the bright light that came from everywhere, lifting him from his unseen prison.

a laugh, a smile, a rush of power flooding through him, and when he next set foot in front of the pharmacy, he did so with a new gleam to his vision. he could hear a door open behind him—qiqi, if he had to guess, as why wouldn’t she be drawn to the power the adepti could only hope to imitate?—but couldn’t turn, breathless.

“welcome home, doc.. it’s good to see you.”

it had taken seven years, four months, and 25 days, but he was here. and it was more than he could have ever asked for.

790 notes · View notes

randomshyperson · 11 months

Text

As It Was (Part 2) - Milf!Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Summary: Once the truth is out, will you be able to forget and forgive the past, or the weight of choices be heavier than the feelings you and Wanda never learned to outgrow? | The Second Part is more based on "Satellite" than "As It Was" tbh. | Part One

Warnings: angst(ish) with happy ending, milf!Wanda, age gap, ex-lovers meeting again, witchcraft lore, some making out but nothing explicit in this part | Words: 6.552k

A/N-> At the request of many, I managed to write a sequel to that one "As It Was". It was much longer than I expected, but I managed to write things that I hadn't done before, so the result pleased me. Forgive me for the lack of smut, it ended up not fitting within the context and rhythm of the story, but there is the possibility of specials. I hope you all enjoy your reading.

General Masterlist | AO3 | Wattpad | Song-Based Collection

-&-

It occurs to her that you are distant.

Physically speaking, it's quite evident - Wanda hasn't seen you for five days. Not even on her secret getaways from family dinners, school reunions, or anything typical of an American suburban mom's routine so perfectly set up for herself, brings you back. You don't visit her on any of the days that follow, not for lunches or late afternoons, nor do you send either quick or long messages made up of intense declarations that always shake her with all the emotions she might have.

Wanda has no idea where you are, and the lack of control over the situation almost suffocates her.

But there is something new that occupies her enough not to take action on it. Or rather, someone new.

It's true that time passes differently in Westview. The leaves are starting to turn orange when Pietro Maximoff arrives on her balcony. Wanda is trying to find her footing with so many ghosts from the past coming back at once and she has to admit that her twin brother's presence impacts her enough for her not to escape her house and family in an attempt to find out if you were still in the same motel where she left you in the early hours of one morning almost a week ago.

Wanda tries to focus on the good things in life; she has the family she always dreamed about, complete at last. A husband, children, and even her long-missed brother. She has friends and a house. She should feel happy and fulfilled, or so she tries to convince herself while she tries to ignore the not-so-easy feeling in her chest when she lies next to Vision at night.

He doesn't mind that she's distant herself. Sometimes, Wanda thinks he doesn't even notice. Maybe it's her will, playing with everything around her and ensuring she's not disturbed. In fact, Vision has stopped noticing many things since the last heated argument they had, on the same night that Pietro reappeared. He's just as distant as she is as if he has a whole life going on outside those walls. Wanda could say the same.

She falls asleep with difficulty, and it’s one of those nightmare nights once more.

When she opens her eyes, she knows she’s still dreaming.

Nevertheless, she allows herself to fall into that fantasy with peace of mind.

The atmosphere is familiar, and the smells and sensations too. Wanda remembers well how things were before Hydra, and before the outbreak of civil war in her country. In the few years of tranquillity at the end of her adolescence, where the revolution group was almost a pastime for irritated young people, for a moment, she could imagine herself as nothing more than a schoolgirl.

Of course, the war would get worse, and almost the entire group of her former colleagues would leave the universities to occupy the streets, but in the safety of the dream, none of this would happen.

Wanda could leave the soft bed and follow the smell of food. She knew she would find you in the kitchen, moving your hips softly to a gentle melody because this was a memory Wanda had never learned to erase.

Her voice came out raspier than she expected once she tried to call your name. But luckily, you were distracted enough by the food to notice the tears welling up in her eyes. After a whole week without hearing from you, she truly believes she lost you once more.

But in this dream, things were saved. Your hands just continued to separate the mixture. “Morning, krasotka (gorgeous). Sit down, there's coffee on the table."

Wanda swallowed, controlling her temper. She watched your back for a moment, trying to memorize every feature of that appearance in case this was the last time and she wouldn’t have another chance before that fantasy ended.

When she didn't sit down you looked at her, offering her an easy smile from a face marked with flour and youthfulness.

"What's wrong, Wanda?"

She moves instead of answering, determined steps until she reaches you at the counter. Your confused eyes close as Wanda, who has just grabbed your belt, pulls you close and kisses you firmly.

It takes you by surprise, but you respond without hesitation. The position isn't ideal, but you kiss her eagerly, as breathless as she is once she breaks the act. Wanda's tight grip around you makes you chuckle softly.

"Hey, Pietro will wake up soon." You warned in the same casual tone, rubbing your nose against hers. "He'll kill me if he finds out about us like this..." Your mouth pecks down her jaw to her neck.

Wanda giggles tearfully. She had forgotten about that. The teenage fear of telling her protective twin about you. Thinking back at how obvious you two were, she was sure that Pietro knew. To be fair, anyone could notice the way you looked at each other.

You tried to pull away, but Wanda didn't allow it. A sigh escaped your lips, which formed a mischievous smile.

"Behave yourself, Wanda." You warned softly, but she raised her hand to your cheek, the touch surprising you a little. Your curious expression didn't intimidate her.

"Where are you?" She questioned and curiosity gave way to confusion.

"Here, dorogoya, what do you mean-" But green irises turned red, and the confusion vanished once your eyes reflected her magic as well. Your shoulders tensed, and you sighed as if you were tired.

You tried to pull away and this time, Wanda allowed you to. Your hands reached for a cloth, and the flour from her favorite pastry that you had prepared for her in that memory was leisurely wiped from your skin.

When you sighed again, more calmly you were leaning on the counter, with your arms crossed and your gaze distant.

"That's different." That was the first thing you said, with a small smile at the corner of your lips. Wanda swallowed, pushing her emotions down. She looked in the same direction as you next. "The sofa was dark blue, not brown."

"Some things..." She cleared her throat, trying to hide the urge to cry. "We remember it differently. Some things, they're just... different."

You hum thoughtfully, shrugging. "Yeah, like ourselves."

Wanda fiddles with her fingers. "Y/N..."

"I wasn't afraid to tell Pietro." You cut her off with no emotion in your voice, but seriousness in your gaze. "You were. I was always ready to shout out to the world that I loved you, but you were terrified of his reaction. Why did you change that?"

"I didn't." Wanda fights back immediately, defensive. You look away with a dry laugh, and she sighs. "I didn't do it on purpose. I... It's only been a long time, Y/N. It's hard to remember exactly what it was like."

"I heard that grief changes things." You retort more softly, and Wanda is sure she's going to start crying. She hugs her own body, and you sigh. "When..."

"No." She cuts you off, her voice breaking. "Why can't you just give me this day? This memory? Just... stay here. Let me live it again." She practically begs, but you don’t flinch, stepping away for the kitchen counter to move closer.

Your hands hold her arms, and your gaze makes something in her spark.

"Don't you think you deserve more than a fantasy, Wanda?"

She chuckles tearfully because this has to be a joke.

"And what choice do I have?" she retorts, tears running down her cheeks. Wanda doesn't have the opportunity to wipe them away, you do so almost immediately. Your instinct is as quick as hers to lean into your touch. "God, there isn't... a day that I haven't missed this. Us."

You smile tenderly at her confession, and Wanda closes her eyes for a moment. She’s just enjoying the feeling while you wait. It takes another sigh for her to ask: "Where are you?"

Being asked again doesn't surprise you. You caress her cheek, and your other hand entwines around her waist.

"It doesn't matter."

She sighs impatiently. "Of course, it matters!" She insists. "I want-I need to see you." She corrects herself and you frown slightly. Wanda lets her hands grasp the collar of your blouse, and her red eyes are almost desperate in yours. "Tell me. Please. Where-"

You kiss her, hard enough for the protest to turn into a needy moan. The hand around her entwines her completely to lift her onto the counter, and Wanda melts. She kisses you as she manages, almost overwhelmed by the longing she has felt over the last few days for the sensation of your lips again.

When you part, she's tingly all over, but your hands don't go beyond her clothes. Your affected breath hits her cheek before you look at her again.

"I remembered."

Wanda almost breaks down in a sob but she manages to keep her emotions around her border. With a sniffle, she guides pleading eyes to yours. Her legs tighten around your waist as if she fears your escape.

"Please stay with me." It comes in a whisper.

You chuckle and Wanda can feel her cheeks burning, her heart breaking. She fears your answer more than she's ever feared anything else in her life.

"You don't understand, Wanda." That's what you say, pulling away and grabbing her hands. Before she can despair, imagining that you were pushing her away, your hands entwined with hers, your eyes tender and intense. "Tell me what you remember."

She looks at you with confusion before denying it with her head. "I don't like... thinking about that day."

"I know, but I need to talk about it." You say, kissing her hands for a moment. "I'm not a memory, Wanda. I'm here. I really am here."

But she shakes her head, her shoulders tensing and her breathing going out of rhythm. "My mind is playing tricks on me... First you, and now Pietro. None of it makes sense. The only thing I know is that I don't want to lose you again. Please don't leave me again."

She doesn't even realize she's started crying. You hug her, trying to calm her down with pats on her back as she wets her shirt.

Wanda clings to you as if you're going to disappear, but you stay there until the tears dry.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise." You whisper. "Never again, Wanda. I can't change what happened to Pietro, but I'm staying. Screw the consequences, I'll never leave you alone again."

She looks at you with confusion, wiping her wet face with the hem of her blouse. " What consequences- what you talking about?"

But you smile, kissing her cheek quickly. "It's time to wake up, my love. Meet me when you're ready to leave. I'm waiting outside for you."

Wanda tries to grab you by the blouse, but she wakes up in a jolt. Vision complains low in bed so that she stops making so much noise and Wanda hides her tears in her pillow.

She dares to try to search for your presence around the house, every floor, every room but all there is is Vision and her twins.

Her mind is playing tricks on her. A stupid dream just to try to break the perfect life she has now.

She goes back to sleep and makes sure that she won’t dream of anything else.

-&-

It's not the ideal place or your favorite setting, nor does it have the best food, but the dinner is the closest outside the Hex that you could find, so it's enough.

The back table becomes the mystery traveler's spot (that's how you hear the waitress and some truck drivers refer to you) for the next few days.

It takes almost two for Agatha to show up.

"You're late, witch." That's how you greet her, outside in the parking lot. The cigarette is hanging unlit from your lips, and Agatha snatches it from your mouth before you have a chance to light it. Your relaxed posture breaks, and she hits you over the head with a slap.

"Insolent child! Irresponsible! Arrogant-" You let her hit three more, they don't hurt, and it's good for her anger. The next time she's about to swear at you for something else, you hit her first.

"Get a grip, you grumpy old woman." You snap. " Don't cause a scene, huh?"

Agatha raises a finger in warning, her eyes blazing with fury before she walks away with an annoyed grunt.

"You're unbelievable." She retorts, taking up your personal space again. She pulls a box of cigarettes out of your leather jacket pocket and takes one for herself. You roll your eyes but watch her light one, and blow the smoke away. Agatha keeps muttering to herself “Challeging a direct order; what will the council say? In the worst scenario, they will know I helped you and I’m done. This little shit…”

You adjust your posture to lean on one of the parking lot irons, your hands in your jacket pockets. You pull the witch out of her complaints with a question:

"What's the matter with you anyway?"

Agatha chuckles dryly, the cigarette between her fingers. "Your girlfriend."

Your posture doesn't change, but the glint in your eyes is almost sinister. "Watch your next words carefully, Miss Harkness."

It's her turn to laugh dryly and take another drag before turning her face toward you. "What is with little show you put on anyway? Standing guard outside, waiting for Rapunzel to leave her tower?" Her teasing only makes you chuckle. Agatha sighs impatiently. "You laugh now, but the whole place is surrounded. If that crazy witch ends up getting shot, I won't sell you any spells to fix it."

You roll your eyes, snatching the cigarette from her fingers. "Stop talking shit, Agatha." You retort. "There are no agents inside, I kept my part of the deal. Now, if the whole thing's still on, it's you who's not doing yours."

Agatha clenches her jaw, looking at you angrily. You just flick the cigarette, and she rolls her eyes.

"I've had unforeseen difficulties."

"Right." You laugh. "You're getting soft, that's for sure."

The cigarette flies out of your hand with her hard slap. You snort in annoyance, but Agatha is busy pulling something out of her purple suit, back now that she's out of the Hex. It's an old piece of paper that she presses hard against your hand.

"Do as written, it will be irrevocable. He'll be forced to show up." She guides between her teeth. "I doubt Mephisto will explain, but just getting his presence should do some good. And don't talk about me. I still need a big job to get back on his good side."

There's something like gratitude in your gaze, and Agatha waves you away, turning her attention to the barrier not invisible to magical eyes a few meters from dinner while you tuck the paper safely away in your pocket.

"I'm going to end all this crap today, Y/N." She declares, and you look up immediately. "Are you sure you won't-"

"No." You cut in, forcing a smile. "I'd just be getting in the way. Either side, I suppose. Wanda thinks I died, and well, I have no idea how to break the whole story to her. 'Hey baby, you thought I died but I kind of sold my soul to keep you and your brother alive. When that didn't work out for him, I ran away for fear of fucking up your life too, but whatever your magic rank, it's high enough to summon one of Mephisto's riders against his will. Any chance you would want to date me again?'”

Agatha laughs softly at the statement, shaking her head. "Don't forget the part where you're helping a witch take down her little fantasy town."

You grunt slightly. "In gratitude for my memories, only. You're a tricky merchant, Miss Harkness."

The woman chuckles, shrugging. Before she can walk away, you clear your throat and Agatha looks at you curiously. "Anything else?"

"Our arrangement, don't forget." You retort. "You won't do anything against her, or the boys."

Just to torment you, she raises an eyebrow. "No request for her husband's safety?"

You snort, rolling your eyes. "He's already dead." You grumble, and Agatha laughs darkly.

"Until recently, you were too."

"I wasn't really!" You retort indignantly, but Agatha is already turning and waving goodbye.

Alone in the parking lot, you feel the weight of the summoning spell in your pocket. Your boss would have to listen to you at some point.

-&-

Being betrayed by what seemed to be her only real friend for some time felt like a punishment.

Well, maybe it was karma. For what she was doing to Vis, and by God, to all those people trapped and subjugated to her wills, fears, and desires. But Wanda wasn't to blame, or at least, she wasn't ready to take on any of it. There was only emptiness at first, and then there was contentment. Crude and meager, but there. Her peace was as superficial as the magical fantasy surrounding her, and it didn't take long for the fear to creep back in; until finally, she was confronted with the reality of what she and her brother had never been able to accept in their youth: there is no magic formula to fix things. Just as Hydra didn't save Sokovia and cost her her twin, her magic didn't fix her grief but made it even worse.

Wanda would have to say goodbye to her children, and for this kind of pain, she had never been prepared.

Agatha seemed to take some amusement from her agony; a lot of ironic jokes as she searched through her memories. But even centuries of experience didn't rid the witch of her innate arrogance, and just as the Black Widow had once taught her, Wanda saw the opportunity to exploit her opponent's weakness.

The victory was not that satisfying, even if Wanda felt more powerful than ever.

And Agatha, in a last desperate act, said the name of the one person who would make Wanda hesitate.

With her fingers still in the air, the redhead narrowed her eyes at the witch lying on the ground, powerless and frightened.

"I know you're bluffing."

"I swear I’m not!" Agatha assured hurriedly. "I'll take you to her. I can-"

"She was one of your tricks, then? It's as cheap and cruel as using my brother, Agatha." Cut the redhead off coldly, but the witch held up her hand, asking for time.

"Wanda, by the wizard oath." She insisted, letting out a laugh exhausted by the effort of the fight. "She was one of your tricks, not mine. You summoned her to this place."

Wanda nodded, sniffling a little. "Stop lying! I know she's dead."

Agatha shook her head. "She's not! Let me go, I promise I'll take you to her."

Wanda hesitated, in her gaze, in her posture, in her heart. Agatha continued to insist, and she looked back at her family waiting for her and all those agents around.

She turned to Agatha, who fell silent when her hand was raised again.

"I'll say goodbye first. And I swear if I find that you’re trying to trick me again-"

"I know." Agatha cut in, forcing a smile. "I promise."

That seemed true enough to Wanda, and Agatha's determined look convinced her. She sighed and nodded, then turned away to hug her children, who were already running towards her. A mask of happiness, despite the heartbreak, stamped her face.

When it was all over, Wanda was physically and emotionally exhausted. She said goodbye to Agent Monica too, realizing bitterly that perhaps that woman was the only real friend she had made since Natasha and that she would have to lose her now too.

And as she crossed the city limits, she assumed that Agatha had taken the opportunity to escape, and came to the conclusion that she didn't care about that at all. Something inside her broke the minute she had to put her children to bed for the last time. No silly rivalry could really bother her.

"Look alive, Maximoff." The joke was unwelcome, but Agatha didn't mind. Nor did she get out of the parked vehicle.

"Have you ever heard of magic portals? Or, I don't know, flying?" Wanda asked as soon as she noticed the witch waiting for her from inside the car parked outside the city. Wanda didn't understand how the witch had kept the SWORD agents away from that edge, but her mind was elsewhere to ask.

The older woman chuckled at the question, adjusting herself to lean her arms on the window and look at Wanda. "Did I mention I like the new look? Did I leave the oven on or is that heat coming from you, hot stuff?"

Wanda chuckled with more indignation than anything. When she was close enough, she sighed. "Just do what you agreed to do."

Agatha smiled mischievously. "Well, you're the one with your back to the show." She retorted, pointing at something behind her.

When she turned, she saw two figures, too far away to be identified. The sunlight didn't help either. The people had been talking for some time and it didn't seem to be a peaceful discussion.

"Who...?"

"Who do you think?" Agatha interrupted somewhat ironically. Wanda's heart leaped, and her stomach did a complete flip. It couldn't be you, could it?

"B-but she... she was-"

"Yeah, the confusing world we live in." Mocked the witch in the car seat. "She wanted to explain everything to you but she has been a pain in the ass so I'll do it. Your friend made a deal with the devil, in the literal sense of the expression. Whatever Hydra did to her, it almost killed her. Mephisto, being the good opportunist he is, offered her a deal and perhaps because she had two people to protect and a hole in her chest, she accepted without reading the terms." Agatha smiled at her own narration, while Wanda continued in shock, being able to imagine the whole story. "And of course, like any deal with the devil, nothing goes according to plan. Mephisto must have known that the boy would die in battle, so he lied to get your friend's soul. She chickened out, by the way, after she heard about her brother. She thought the same would happen to you if she got close, of course at the time neither of you must have known your true power and authority..."

"Authority?" She interrupted hoarsely, getting a laugh from the other witch.

"By Hecate, young witches these days don't know anything," muttered the woman. "As I said before, Wanda, you are the Scarlet Witch. You're the greatest magical authority on earth. And the fact that you don't know this is exactly why I'm needed." Agatha explains. "You need a magical tutor, Miss Maximoff. Someone to train you, and explain important things, like your magical power to break a contract of souls and summon one of Mephisto's ghost riders as you please."

After everything that had happened, absorbing and accepting the madness of this whole story seemed like just one more little push for Wanda to collapse.

Lucky for her, she wasn't alone this time.

You finally started walking towards her, until the figures became clearer, and without needing to ask, Wanda was sure that the man with a skull pipe walking next to you was Mephisto.

Everything about his posture was intimidating, and the air seemed much heavier and darker once he was close enough. But Wanda didn't mind the audience, she threw herself into your arms and was greeted in an equally enthusiastic embrace.

Mephisto waved to Agatha from the car, letting the two of you have a moment of reunion as he commented quietly to the older witch:

"I send you to collect an undeserving one and you not only fail, but you make me lose my best rider."

Agatha swallows dryly, annoyed by the scolding. But if there's anything she feels besides fear, it's pride. And that's something she and the man share, and Agatha knows it very well.

"No creature, not even the Lord of Hell, has power against the Scarlet Witch. The humiliation of losing is strong, but you get used to it." She teases, and Mephisto loses his temper, punching the car hard and trying to grab Agatha by the neck.

A scarlet tug pushes him away.

"You filthy hag, how dare you-"

"Watch your temper, Big M." You interrupt with a serious expression, despite the provocative nickname. You gently put Wanda down, who until now had been lifeted in your arms, but you continue with a hand around her waist.

The man huffs angrily, but visibly struggles to contain his anger, while Agatha hides a little smile and Wanda tries to gain confidence in her new title and the respect that comes with it.

When Mephisto addresses her, he is much more submissive than anyone would expect after the scene.

"My Queen, please, there has been an agreement. With both of the present, this treacherous witch owes me favors and the rider owes me her life. It's not fair that I go unpaid. If I'm not compensated, I'll obviously have to withdraw the loans..." He speaks but Wanda raises a hand in the air, interrupting him.

"I think I understand what you mean. You saved my friend, and if she doesn't serve you, she dies?"

"Yes, my lady."

You tried to protest, but Wanda put a hand on your shoulder and looked at you quickly: in her eyes was the simple request that you let her handle this.

Agatha didn't interrupt either, nor did she react when Wanda approached Mephisto.

"I've been told that the title of Scarlet Witch makes me the highest magical authority." She begins, and somewhat begrudgingly, the man nods in agreement. Wanda sighs. "I don't understand this power entirely, but I will. What I do understand now is that if I am the authority, you must obey me."

"My lady-"

"I am not done talking." Mephisto bites his tongue, but doesn't risk challenging the red irises again. "Let's make a few things clear, sir. These two don't belong to you, I do not care about the debt. I don't know how to settle it yet, but I will. So for now, you should know that they're off-limits. Agatha will be my tutor, and any extra activity must come with a guarantee that she'll return to lessons in one piece, and as for Y/N, well..." Wanda takes a step forward, a dry laugh escaping her. "She's mine, do you understand? You're not going to harm her in any way. Not ever. You've kept her away from me long enough, toying with her perception of the truth. Of that, I think we both understand well."

Mephisto clenched his jaw, seeming to fight the urge to end you right then and there. You exchanged a proud glance with Agatha at the witch's posture in front of you.

"This will be my only warning, Mephisto. I'm taking her with me, and it's better that she keeps breathing after we leave."

Irritated but restrained, he retorts: "A rider must serve, my lady, and I don't say that to contradict you. Even if she doesn't obey me, she won't be able to ignore the call. Her soul only stays in this body because of its usefulness."

"We'll deal with it without your intervention in the matter, don't worry." Wanda assures him. "And as for your payment, I still don't fully understand how this realm works, but I'll learn with the help of Agatha and the Darkhold. I believe the Lord of Hell can wait."

To Wanda's surprise, he grew friendlier, with a smile full of evil intentions. Without her realizing why the mention of the book made him so excited, Mephisto bowed again briefly. "I see a promising future for our professional relationship, Scarlet Witch."

He adjusts his hat as a sign of farewell, and it's as if the sun changes direction only for rays to obscure her vision for a moment. Just long enough for Mephisto to disappear.

"He's always rude, don't take it to heart."

The older witch commented, but neither you nor Wanda were paying much attention to her. Wanda came back to you, wrapping you in a tight hug as a confirmation that things were really happening. And as you held her, you exchanged a quick glance with the witch in the car, a grateful one, and all Agatha did was offer the first sincere smile of the day before breaking the moment with a loud honk.

"I'm sorry, but your girlfriend is a fugitive, and flirting in the middle of the street isn't really appropriate for this moment." Mocked the witch, remembering the dozens of federal agents in the area all too willing to ask Wanda for a statement. It wasn't really a problem - but it was a nuisance.

Your girlfriend ignored Agatha's warning to kiss you on the mouth. It almost takes you by surprise, the intensity, but you manage to match it until the older witch honks again and you and Wanda break into a shared giggle.

"Don't worry, we'll have time." You meekly assure her, kissing her cheek before pulling away to open the car door. Wanda doesn't seem too keen to let you go - not that you'd want anything different - so you follow her into the back seat. Even under Agatha's warnings about behaving or she'd throw the car off the first bridge.

Once on the road, the witch met your gaze through the rearview mirror.

"My place or yours?"

You sigh. "Mine's fine."

-&-

The first fight happens as soon as Wanda finds out that for years, you've lived nearby.

So many days when she could have taken a different route from Avengers Tower downtown to the Compound and bumped into you.

Of course, you assured her that you kept a safe distance and that New York was full and big enough for that, but the justifications only made it worse.

And Wanda started crying and locked herself in the first room she found on the way.

You tried to look at Agatha on the sofa - very much comfortable in other people's homes, by the way - but the witch shrugged as she used her magic to bring food from your kitchen to where she was.

With a sigh, you leaned your forehead against the door.

"Wanda, I'm so sorry I left you alone. I swear to God, I lost count of how many times I wanted to break into that tower and just say that I was with you. But I couldn't. I went to the memorial, to visit Pietro. I saw the news about the fight. I saw him die, and I kept seeing it, every time I closed my eyes. And my nightmares replaced him with you. I was sure that if I got close, you'd get hurt, and I'd rather live away from you than lose you." You confessed with emotion, knowing that she was listening even if she didn't answer now. With another sigh, you continued. "I kept my distance, but I never left. I went to all your public events, I even sent you gifts as an anonymous fan. I almost risked everything so many times. And when your friends got into fights and you disappeared to the Raft, I lost my mind. That's when... he made me forget you. It was the only way I could keep doing the jobs and not go after you. But I still lived here, and there was this lack in my chest and I had no idea what it was. Then one day I heard your voice, like a whisper in my heart, and I followed it. I ended up in Westview, and the lack was gone. It was Agatha who gave me back my memories, and we ended up here. With me trying to make you understand that there hasn't been a day since we were separated that I haven't missed you, that I haven't loved you. Please, Wanda. Forgive me."

It takes a long moment, almost long enough for you to think about letting her have more time to think about it, for Wanda to open the door.

She hugs you by the neck, very tightly, and you waste no time in reciprocating.

"Agatha has to leave." That's what she says as she releases you, making you assume a confused expression. You're ready to recall that the witch, despite her mistakes, helped you when Wanda pulled at the edges of your shirt while hiding her face in your collarbone. The way she speaks again makes you understand. "We've lost a lot of time, my love. She needs to go, so we can make up for it."

You nod foolishly, glancing quickly at Agatha who is already getting up without abandoning a bottle of your most expensive drinks that she opened without permission. Not that you're paying attention to anything other than the woman clinging to you.

"You two are disgusting, I'm out." Complains the older witch, practically running out the door as Wanda kisses your neck again and you sigh.

The door had barely closed and Wanda had already pulled your face back to hers, meeting your mouth in an intense, passionate kiss that almost made you lose your bearings.

Your hands wandered across her cheeks in a foolish attempt to gain some control of the kiss, then towards her hair and down her arms to her waist, squeezing and earning a satisfied sigh in return. Wanda's hands were busy undoing your clothes, bursting buttons, and finally throwing your belt aside.

Your blouse ended up somewhere in the room after you kicked your shoes away and while using the interruption and distance necessary to undress, Wanda spoke again.

"All this time you've been keeping watch... tell me, how far have you gone?" she asked between kisses, leading the way to the sofa as she pulled you up by the straps of the barely hanging pants on your hips.

You fought your own arousal to reply: "Hm, never very close. Except, once..." You try to count between kisses, almost losing your train of thought when Wanda pushes you sit up and looks so stunning with her flushed face and out-of-rhythm breathing standing in front of you. "On your birthday. I went to your window, and I just... watched you sleep."

Wanda let out a curious giggle. "Do you fly now?"

"Not really, it's something called astral projection, I'm sure Agatha will teach you." You mumble quickly, and it's your turn to tug at the straps of her jeans. "Can we talk later? U-unless of course, you don't want to do this anymore, because then I'll need a minute to stop shaking and then I can tell you everything-" She interrupts you with a determined kiss, taking the opportunity to sit on your lap too.

With another sigh, she assures you, "We'll talk later." Those are the last firm words of the evening, really. After that, all that leaves Wanda are begging moans and whimpers of pleasure calling out your name.

You wouldn't have it any other way.

-&-

It's a simple routine, within the normal range of living with two witches and having your soul in imprisonment with the Lord of Hell at least.

Agatha becomes a tutor - it suits her, even if she is grumpy and mean and doesn't have much patience for teaching magic. She ends up doing a good job, and in a few months, Wanda already has the same knowledge that a witch who has spent half her life in a coven would have.

As well as classes with the grumpiest teacher on the planet, Wanda has the Darkhold. You don't see her use it that much, because she always chooses the times of your rider duties to study. That, and well, that book gives you a very bad feeling. But Wanda always makes sure that everything is under control and kisses you until you forget about it.

Of course, over time, people tend to waver in their lies and perhaps because it's a Rider's business to feel dark magic, you end up discovering exactly how bad the Darkhold is for your girlfriend.

Or maybe the black fingers gave you a hint.

"It's not too much to ask that you be careful!" You were arguing - no, discussing - Wanda's intense study routine with a book that apparently condemned all readers. "Actually, it's quite reasonable for me to worry-"

"Oh, that's rich coming from you!" She interrupts you. Even though she is now twice the age you first met her, Wanda Maximoff is still as beautiful as the first day you saw her. And just as stubborn as the angry teenager she once was. "Do you want to talk about being reasonable? Do you think you made a good decision when you decided to sell your soul, or when you believed you could stay away for ten years and act as if it didn't affect our relationship?"

You hesitate. "I-I... you said you forgave me."

But Wanda snaps back: "Forgiving isn't forgetting! And why do you think I'm doing all this? I have to learn to control my magic, and I have to learn to be the Scarlet Witch. But most importantly, I have to learn to undo a deal with the devil because at some point you thought it was a good idea to be the Dark Lord's little slave!"

"I did it for you!"

"I know you did!"

"Then why are you angry?"

"Because I love you, you idiot!" she retorts breathlessly. "I love you and I hate how stupidly loyal and impulsive you were to do something like that. And I hate the pain we were forced to endure, and I hate that we wasted so much time."

"Wanda, I-"

"I know." She interrupts with a sigh. "I love you too."

You smile. "Stop reading my mind."

She returns the same smile. "There's not much to read." She teases, wasting no time in bringing her hands to your shoulders when you take her by the waist. You chuckle with a false offense.

"Wow, I'd forgotten how evil you can be." You retort in the same playful tone, nipping at her jaw and lowering your mouth to her collarbone.

Wanda sighs, hugging you for a moment. In the bedroom mirror by the wall, she can see her true reflection and all the Darkhold's influence on her hidden appearance. She blinks away from the demonic appearance to focus on the person holding her so dearly.

"You have no idea, my love." She whispers, forcing a smile when you look at her again. "I just want to keep us safe. Nothing and no one will ever break us apart again. I'll make sure of that."

You don't want to worry, or at least, you don't want Wanda to notice your hesitation about the frightening determination in her eyes. So all you do is kiss her forehead and hold her close.

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #elizabeth olsen x reader #marvel imagines #as it was

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fangirl-erdariel · 2 years

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Ok I know this has been said before and more eloquently than I can rn (it's past midnight and I should be sleeping)

But the older I get, the more important it becomes to me that Eowyn is in a really dark place mentally when we first meet her in the book. That she rides to war out of suicidality, to get herself killed in battle. And that she heals, finds the will to live, finds the desire to heal things and make things beautiful rather than attempting to give her life meaning through dying a "glorious" violent death in battle.

I think when I was 12-ish and first read the book (or had it read to me as a bedtime story, rather, but same difference), I liked her because "oh look cool girl warrior character who doesn't do what she's told and defeats the monstrous evil bad guy no one else could kill!" And that is. that's fair, honestly. I was 12. I don't think I would want my 12-year-old self to have fully grasped the implications of Eowyn's actions, to have really understood that underlying despair and suicidality. I liked cool warrior girl heroes (I still do, honestly). And Eowyn does do amazing things, she is a hero, she does fulfill the prophecy and kill the Witch King, and it is cool, I'm not saying it isn't.

But like. Living in this world, reading the news, a lot of times I end up feeling just this utter despair and horror and helplessness at the bad things happening. And because of that, I really do end up feeling it when I look at Eowyn and see her despair, see how she's trying to die in battle because she doesn't want to go on living like that anymore and because she thinks her death in battle would make more difference and be more meaningful than her going on living.

And it's just so important to me that then at the end of the story, she's able to look at where she is and who she is and look at the world and go "no, actually, I want to live. I've had enough of death, I want to heal things, I want to make other people and other things also live". That she's able to want that, and believe that she is able to achieve that, that her life can have a purpose and meaning beyond a death worth telling a story about, and that that's something she wants to do, wants to work towards. It is just so important to me

Like, LOTR is in so many ways a story about hope and despair, it's present in damn near every character we meet in some way. And maybe it's just because I imprinted on Eowyn as a kid that her story in particular and her being able to overcome the despair and be hopeful about life again is so important to me but like. Fuck. The more horrible things I see happening everywhere in the world all around me, the more important Eowyn's story and her being able to find peace and healing becomes to me

#eowyn #lotr #lord of the rings #middle earth #meta #lotr eowyn #lotr meta

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monkey-network · 6 months

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Good Stuff: Bluey's The Sign

Bluey is still great and I don't need to go into why again. What's most important is that even in such short time of knowing this cartoon, you can see the growth of it all. Joe and the crew share how the world of the Heeler family gets to learn, adapt, and grow without rapidly warping the status quo. You go through and see how everyone is able to work through rough and weird times with sincere maturity. Season 3's Finale is where this all comes to a head and it's as beautiful as I expected, MORESO.

Brandi got to be happy would've been enough for me

The Sign deals with the idea of hard ideas. Those hard ideas that aren't inherently about change, but issues that when faced with initially, it feels like a bad ending. A bad ending which can't be easily fixed and you don't know where to go from there, and it hurts. It hurts when hard ideas swoop in, ruins your mood, festers your mind, and leaves you aimless. Bluey shows that it happens, this is the rare time where a ton of crap hits the fan in one day and it's not something Chili or Bandit or any adult can fix right away. I've never experienced this, but I felt the pain Bluey, Bingo, Frisky, and Chili went through where they're bargaining, burying, and avoiding confronting a potential reality they didn't want. This is where the real hero of the special comes in...

Haven't said before, but Calypso is a masterful teacher

The parable of the farmer works as an incredible seedling thought for Bluey when she reveals her moving. It's not a story I ever heard, but known the message all too well. The message of not just accepting bad things that happen to you, but know that it'll never be the end of the world because of them. Don't think of it as deep, but a natural motif to grow with. This is where a debacle regarding the episode churns with me. It can seem like a cop-out that every character gets what they wanted by the end, as I said before the cartoon can be more idealistic than what our real life allows. Then again, the true beauty of Bluey I believe has always been if it's possible, the family will find a way and do it responsibly.

If happiness can be achieved, they'll know how to get it

Beyond all this, the special is great. They waste no minute here in art and storytelling, and as said before, it's like Smash Bros Ultimate where everything is here. There are great callbacks to episodes you probably wouldn't have thought about, on top of getting to see the whole Heeler family on Chili and Bandit's sides like that blew my mind. Plus I love seeing weddings, dude, like I wish I was there with them. The feels are tsunami-ous like it's unfair to say this is the all-time best episode of the show, but darn if it wouldn't be earned.

When else will I see the epicness of riding shotgun?

But to conclude, it's been said that after this the Ludo crew will take a indefinite hiatus from Bluey the series, especially when they have a new project underway. And honestly? I'm more than satisfied. The show could've ended here and I would've been somewhat at peace with them giving us this beautiful episode. I of course didn't get into this series since its beginning, but I came around the right time to enjoy it myself, to see others recognize its greatness, and to finally make it here. It's great to know this was only another chapter in the book, and I'll see to be around when it gets to come back. As for The Sign? What else is there to say?

It was Beautiful. Cheers to the crew for everything.

#Bluey #bluey cartoon #bluey the sign #the sign #cartoons #reviews #Good Stuff #long post

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withdenim · 6 months

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I think it’s time I introduce my doomed ancient yuri to the ninjago fandom. I’ll leave the story under the cut if anyone wants to read it 💜 it includes my Wojira backstory and why I draw Nyad as oni

Wojira is the younger, less powerful sister of firstbourne, I think. Wojira and Firstbourne we’re both chill with Oni, but Firstbourne was more Reserved about it . Like, she didn’t enforce weird rules or anything but she also . Didn’t stop her kids from being really awful.

Wojira spent more time with Oni than other Dragons. Even her kids (wind and water Dragons) were sort of weird about it. She didn’t really like the sort of power hoarding attitude of the other Dragons and decided to teach them a lesson about it.

When the first master was born she realized that Oni blood COULD bear elemental magic, and she took in two Oni kids (Nyad and her brother who I made up and haven’t named yet lmao) and gave them wind and water (separately) magic. And the other Dragons were VERY mad about this. They thought it was disgraceful.

They tried to get Firstbourne to banish her . Firstbourne refused and so her kids just all worked together to banish her instead. And sort of gave her a fucked up cursed eternal headache (in the amulets) Whoops . Nyad and her brother followed Wojira into the realm of Ninjago and tried to ease her pain for years but eventually it just sort of broke her mind and she started laying absolute waste to everything.

The FSM goes through his whole story (still figuring out details of it in my headcanons) and comes to Ninjago, desperate for a new home. And Nyad and her brother (I really need to name them DIFNDKFM) are scared of him at first. But he shows them his elemental magic and they realize he’s like them (Oni with elemental magic). And they bond over that and tell him about Wojira. The first master decides to help Nyad convince the Merlopians and Islanders to resist Wojira and hopefully bring peace to the realm.

Over several months they become good friends, and they often calm Nyad’s brother by making beautiful little worlds out of their elemental magic for him. And the FSM promises that one day Ninjago will be safe like these worlds, and they’ll all be able to live there.

And these very very lonely people have made a little family.

Of course, the Oni hunters are sent to track down the FSM, and Mystaké is the first to find them. She announces herself and demands the first master return with her. He begs to stay just long enough to make this world safe for the people there, and she reluctantly agrees when they show her the safe world they’re planning to build. It looks beautiful.

Mystaké joins their efforts, hoping to speed along the process of the first master’s return to the first realm, but she finds herself amazed by their magic and (worse) deeply fond of the little trio. She falls in love with Nyad, and starts letting herself indulge in their hopeful fantasies of a safe world where no one will find them. In this time, Nyad gives the FSM a name of his own to use when they have their safer world. Hajime.

When the preparations are as ready as they’ll ever be, the Battle of Nine Days begins. On the eighth day, Nyad’s little brother (who wasn’t even fighting) is struck near-fatally, and Nyad launches a risky attack to try and end the battle once and for all. It’s unsuccessful, but she realizes Wojira’s weak spot. Like in canon, she merges with the sea, desperate to give the others a chance at the world they’d all hoped for, and hoping that her brother could be saved if the battle ended and he could get proper help.

She knows she should kill Wojira, but she can’t bring herself to. And instead of killing her she decides to take the amulets, and send Wojira into a deep, painless sleep, hopefully eternal.

Hajime is devastated by Nyad’s death, and though Mystaké grieves her as well, she’s a lot more accustomed to death, and watches her go, surprised by the ache in her heart.

The brother lives, but passes on his element very soon after the events of the battle, sick of it’s consequence. Hajime builds the new world and appoints new masters, though he doesn’t know where the water and wind elements went (not his domain). Mystaké never even brings up the idea of taking Hajime back to the first realm again, and protects him from other hunters when she can. Hajime lives a long long time before choosing to pass on and find peace for himself. Mystake lives another thousand years, farming strange enchanted teas, occasionally a companion to Wu and Garmadon.

In Hunted, she confides in Lloyd that if or when she dies, she would like to be sunk into the sea where the battle took place (not that she tells him the story. Just the location), and Lloyd thinks it’s just some weird senile old lady talk. But when she does die at the hands of his father and the Sons of Garmadon in Hunted, Lloyd doesn’t get a chance to row her out until after March of the Oni.

She liked Lloyd. He was a lot like Hajime.

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writer-logbook · 1 month

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My story doesn't have a villain, so what ?

Does a story really need a villain ? What is a stake where there's none ? How can the protagonist evolve when they've got no one to face ?

In which I explain how the conflict can lie elsewhere - and it's a bit more challenging yet sometimes more interesting.

The world, and society in general. They are often a good starting point to create tension in your novel (because everything is most certainly wrong everywhere lol). For example : what happens if you don't share the beliefs of your city ? What choices can make you defy the current order and break the status quo ? It's a convenient way to plot distopian books, but it's not yet a cliché because of to the complexity of the trope and the different aspects you can explore as it is broad.

The complexity of your characters : the personal quest. The famous "You are your own worst ennemy" is a actually very effective in this case - but any other significant event, trauma, fear etc. can be consistent enough to be the core of a novel. I believe the journey is more important than the "plot" or the ending itself. The path of finding answers, healing and overcoming a traumatic event is easy to suggest, harder to write about, yet somehow always powerfull. I think it's hard to be cliché with 'personal quest' trope because everyone deals with their suffering in such different ways that you can't be exploring it twice. (Or it can be something lighter, like the pursuit of an artistic dream).

Various characters, same event. Multiple POVs are a great way of exploring all the aspects of the issue, based on the different beliefs and perceptions that drive your character. For this to be really effective, you need to have characters who do not share the same opinion on the subject. It doesn't have to be a difficult idea to come up with. For instance: in a futuristic world, you can choose what to do with your memories: keep them or erase them. Some people will argue in favour of the process (because you can erase a traumatic event), others will argue against it, saying that memory is what makes a person. In that kind of scenario, morality plays a huge role.

A destabilising event, much bigger than ourselves or a discovery that could shape the future. A destabilizing event, much bigger than ourselves or a discovery that can shape the futur. Think of that sci-fi novel where the end of the world is brought about by an incoming asteroid. It's the same thing. Either you try to avoid it, or you try to accept it, or you try to fight it. Each way is valuable to a story, if you create some consistent characters.

To conclude : we have to think a bit more about what is at stake when no one actually treathen the peace of the community. There's no manichaeism, we have to go beyond good and evil ; the solution isn't clear - sometimes there's none at all. And that's okay.

Thanks for all the kudos and reblogs, I feel relieved to see that my posts are of some help ! ❤

If it's a bit fuzzy for you, let me quickly explain what my story is about, because that's what motivates me to write this essay.

My MC is a priest in a religious town that is suddenly plagued by an unknown and incurable disease. She tries to get used to it, until her family contracts it. She manages to acquire the power of the goddess and, doing so, shakes the foundations of her entire city and society, believing that she is now able to act. There's no villain whatsoever, just a poor girl trying not to see her family dies and who has to face the consequences of her own actions.

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one-chaotic-bee · 1 month

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I NEED a Nightwing/Deathstroke/Talia comic

For some reason Dick, Slade, and Talia are forced to work together, maybe they’re all going after the leader of some criminal organization (for Dick because the evil boss man has expanded to Blüdhaven, the boss could be a ex-shadows that’s why Talia after him, and Slade is there because the boss has a hit out on him) and to take him down they need to work together.

This could have so many angles.

One, this is a team-up between three of the most dangerous people on the planet, so you know those fight scenes would be FIRE.

Second, just think about the character dynamics. Slade and Talia being bitter exes that both pretending to be over each other. Dick and Slade need to have the dynamic that they had in early 2000’s Nightwing comics (simultaneously hating and respecting each other while being comfortable enough together to do things like Slade leaving messages in the fogged up mirror while Dick’s taking a shower and Dick not even being phased when he walks into his apartment to find Slade chilling on his couch reading the newspaper)

But the real drama would be between Dick and Talia. They have so much potential, to list just a few:

Damian, they could talk about how Talia regrets the things she did to him and how she really does love him. While Dick could confess that no matter how much he love the kid, he still kinda resents that he had to give up his life and identity to raise a kid that should never have been his responsibility.

Bruce, they could both confess how Bruce has let them down over and over again. Talia could tell Dick about how hurt she was when she realized that Bruce would never love her how she loved him and how jealous she was Dick because she knew that Bruce would always love Dick more. And Dick could tell Talia about despite all love for him Bruce has, that hasn’t stopped Bruce from hurting him over and over again. He could tell allude to Spiral and how Bruce kicked him out of the manor multiple times. He could tell Talia that even though he acts like he’s over it, like none of it bothers him anymore, he’s not. He just pretends he is to keep the peace in his family. They could bound over the lesson that they both learned the hard way, they might be able to trust Bruce with their lives but they will never be able to trust him with their hearts.

Fathers, obviously Dick would unload about Bruce here too, but Talia could make things interesting be talking about Ra’s. Maybe despite how loyal she is to him, she resents never even having a chance at a normal life or Talia might have even been jealous not just of that Bruce loved Dick more but of the type of love that it was, a type that she never really got with a father like Ra’s. And if anyone could understand and sympathize with her it would be Dick Grayson.

Third, there could even be an element of comedy with three very different people being forced together. Dick would obviously have problems with the other two’s morals so working together would be difficult. And Talia and Slade could easily but heads over how Talia is loyal to her cause while Slade is only loyal to whoever pays him the most. So there would be plenty of bickering.

Not to mention how great it would be to remind people that Dick when shit hits the fan, he is probably the scariest person in this little team up. Like I can just imagine a scene where maybe they find a part of the organization that’s trafficking children and Dick just snaps. Talia’s like: “Should we stop him?” and Slade just leans against the wall and is like: “Nah, let him get it out of his system”. Meanwhile there are screams of pain from below while Dick just beats the shit out of them.

And of course there would be a creeping sense of dread for what happens when the mission is over. Throughout the story the characters are all bonding with one another but in the end only one of them can get what they want. Dick wants to bring the guy to justice, Talia wants to bring the guy to the league, and Slade just wants to kill him. So there would be the constant pressure that before the end of the mission they will have to betray one another. No matter how much they may have bonded throughout working together or how much respect they’ve gained for each other.

I need this to be a comic.

#dick grayson #nightwing #slade wilson #deathstroke #talia al ghul #dc #comics #someone please make this happen #I’m literally begging you

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 8 months

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Cater, Ruggie: The Secret in a Smile

Caycay, bestie… I am so sorry that SSR Crowley stole your spotlight 😭 (Is that why Cater looks so Mean Girls in his groovy... He's seeking petty revenge against Crowley/j)

Some cute stuff from the vignettes that I wasn't able to include in this fic: Cater makes a reference to TsumTsums! He mentions being into this mobile game with cute round creatures. Cater also tells a story about a 5-year old girl giving him a flower after his club's performance at a cultural festival (omg, do they mean the one in book 5?!). Ruggie teases him and says Cater must have been that little girl's first crush 😂

A Tale as Old as Time.

“Ne, ne, Ruggie-kun! Check this one out~ It's all the way from the Queendom of Roses!"

Cater jabbed a thumb at a painting of a young blonde girl dressed in a modest sky blue frock and apron, a small black bow in her hair. She couldn’t have been older than 10 years of age, still petite enough to squish inside a glass bottle with a narrow neck. The bottled child was adrift in a sudsy sea, her face frozen in an expression of slight worry.

Ruggie took one look at the artwork, then wrinkled his nose. “Sure sucks to be in her shoes. What’s this even supposed to show us, anyway? Doesn’t make a whole lotta sense to me.”

"Not a lot from the Queendom does if you aren't already familiar with its topsy-turvy stories~" Cater placed a hand on his hip and leaned forward, grinning. "This one is pretty popular! It's about a girl that wants an audience with the Queen of Hearts. She gets lost on the journey there, meets strange people and experiences even stranger things on the way. This is just one leg of that trip!"

"Wouldn’t the castle be further inland? How'd she end up in the middle of the ocean?"

“It’s about the perspective of the shot.” Cater formed a frame with his hands, catching his underclassman in it. He pulled back, creating the illusion of sizing Ruggie down. “She drank this bottled liquid she found and that shrank her down—so really, the ocean isn’t that big.”

A grimace.

“Man, talk about no sense of self preservation. She just chugged an unlabeled bottle without a second thought. Must’ve been real desperate.” Ruggie paused. “Weeeell, not like I’m one to talk about being desperate. You really can’t afford to be picky sometimes. If it fills your stomach, it fills your stomach.”

“You’d drink it too, huh… I don’t think I could do that. I’d at least want to see how the menu describes it before I order—though I guess it also depends on how ‘cammable the drink is! And hey, think about all the cool pics I could grab from a worm's eye point of view!”

"Heh, you don't seem too pressed about living life as an ant."

"Cay-kun likes to look on the bright side of things!" he declared with a wink and a peace sign. "The lost girl... she worried so much about finding her destination, she forgets to stop and smell the roses. She overlooks a lot of the fun people she could have spent time with."

Hopping from place to place, missed people—familiar elements, resurfacing a childhood of being uprooted and dragged about. Never to fully settle.

A tea party here, a brief convo there. Just enough to keep him placated, but not enough to see beyond the surface of the looking glass.

His curiosity still left wanting.

She got into so much trouble, but didn't have any real friends to come and help her.

Sadness tugged at his heartstrings, but Cater's smile didn’t waver.

"... I can’t help but kinda pity the poor thing," he said quietly. Then, brightening in the next moment, "All her issues could've been avoided if she just looked before she leapt and made some connections."

“Yeah, she definitely should’ve played smarter, not harder. Maybe if she kissed up to the locals, they’d have come to her rescue." Ruggie shrugged. "It works for me and Leona-san."

“Right? A smile goes a long way to getting what you want!” Cater poked the corners of his mouth. “You totes get me.”

“Cuz it takes a trickster to know another one on sight.”

"Wow, it sounds so mean when you put it like that. We're not tricksters, we just know how to use our smiles to problem-solve~"

"Giving a word a fresh coat of paint doesn't make it any less shady. At least be honest with yourself," the hyena smirked.

“Eeeh, I’m always honest!”

They shared a laugh—Ruggie, a snicker. Cater, lighter, more bubbly, like a carbonated mystery drink. When the effervescence died down, he cast another glance at the painting.

Too big for her small world of the sea, too small for the big world that loomed beyond it. Trapped within glass walls. Curled into herself in her delicate chambers.

Her perspective and his, one and the same.

Poor thing, poor thing, poor thing.

Cater summoned his strength and bore the full brunt of his smile.

“I’m sure she’ll find what she’s looking for… one day.”

#twst #twisted wonderland #Cater Diamond #twst imagines #twst scenarios #twisted wonderland imagines #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #Cater birthday takeover #something no one asked for #spoilers #twisted wonderland scenarios #Ruggie Bucchi

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caligvlasaqvarivm · 4 months

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I know you've touched on it in your Gamzee Essay/general alternative timeline post but may I hear some more about your ideas regarding GamTav (or only Tavros)? You get these two in a way the broader fandom doesn't (which is fine, I'll still reblog even the most vanilla ooc art of them) so I'd really love hearing more of your thoughts:3

Ok, I think this is going to be someeewhat controversial, but I think they're destined for pale together, despite Gamzee's initial flushed flirting. I did in fact reread ALL of Tavros's logs for this.

I think the first thing we need to establish is that Tavros actually feels really shitty about himself. It's obvious that his problem is "self-esteem," since he's constantly prattling on about it, but there's a bit he says as Tavrossprite that's pretty enlightening as to where his actions stem from:

TAVROSPRITE: i SYMPATHIZE ENTIRELY WITH YOUR SOCIAL IMPASSE, cAUSING NOT GOOD REFLECTIONS ABOUT YOURSELF, tHAT MAYBE ALSO DOUBLE AS LIBERATING STUFF ABOUT YOU THAT YOU RANDOMLY DECIDE IS FINE SUDDENLY, TAVROSPRITE: oLD ACQUAINTANCES, aND GUYS YOU ONCE CALLED FRIENDS, TAVROSPRITE: tHOSE ARE VERY HARD, TAVROSPRITE: bECAUSE OVER TIME THEY GET EXPOSED TOO MUCH, tO ALL MY FLAWS AND INSECURITIES, TAVROSPRITE: aND THEY START LIKING ME LESS BECAUSE OF THAT, TAVROSPRITE: aT LEAST, tHAT'S HOW THE TRUTH FEELS, iN MY BRAIN, TAVROSPRITE: sO i START THINKING, mAYBE THEY CAN'T BE THAT IMPORTANT TO ME, aFTER ALL, iF i'M GOING TO WANT TO FEEL NOT SAD ABOUT MYSELF ALL THE TIME,

He has a mixture of self-loathing and social anxiety, the latter of which exacerbates the former, as his mind tells him that his friends secretly hate him. However, his real problem is what he then does with those feelings - he avoids them and the situations that cause them. This causes two major knock-on effects: the first is that he actively ends up distancing himself from people who ARE nice to him and DO care about him, only adventuring with Vriska because he's a pushover and she's very pushy (he adventures completely alone up until that point, and winds up sleeping almost all the time afterwards); the second being that, because he refuses to actually sit with and address his negative feelings about himself (or anything else), he's never able to fix them, or remove himself from shitty situations.

Something consistent with Tavros is that every time he tries to make a decision before his death and Vriska-prototyping, it's by trying to rely on something external - whether that's his imaginary friend, his robot legs, or the story of Pupa Pan... or relying on advice from Kanaya, or seeking approval and forgiveness from Vriska, or earning flushed interest from Jade. He believes himself to be deeply flawed and untrustworthy, so he allows other people to make his decisions, and when relationships do get intimate enough that someone might get him vulnerable, he peaces out. Even his ill-fated attempt to kill Vriska is heavily encouraged by Vriska herself:

AT: aND THAT BEING THE CASE, AT: eVEN THOUGH i'M TERRIFIED OF YOU, AT: aND nOT AS STRONG, AT: oR REAL CONFIDENT, AT: oNLY MOSTLY FAKE CONFIDENT, AG: Yeeeeeeees? AG: Go on. AT: i THINK, AT: i AM GOING TO HAVE TO STOP YOU, AG: Yeah! That's the spirit. AG: Pretty weakslime threat there, 8ut it's a start. AG: Tell you what. AG: If you can find me in this la8, you can have at me. AG: I'll even give you a free shot! No funny 8usiness or anything. AT: oK, AT: tHEN, AT: hERE i COME, AG: I'll 8e w8ing. <3

As we see with Jade, whom he's attempting to flirt with flushed, he's actively trying to impress her using "self-esteems" explicitly gained from "fake" things he's acknowledging as fake - that is, refusing to be genuine and vulnerable with her, because he doesn't believe anyone would like him the way he actually is.

AT: bUT WHAT ABOUT, AT: mY ATTRACTIVE BRAVADO, AT: aND IGNORING MY INSTINCTUAL COWARDICE HARD ENOUGH TO SAY THAT i LIKE YOU, AT: iSN'T THAT, AT: sUPPOSED TO BE VERY ATTRACTIVE, aND ENCOURAGE THE MAJOR HAVING OF FLUSHED FEELINGS IN OTHERS, AT: i GUESS WHAT i MEAN IS, wHAT ABOUT ALL MY CONFIDENCE, AT: wHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT,

His "dating" Vriska in the dream bubbles is also dubious and one-sided at best, as John calls him out for faking it and Tavros isn't willing to bring up wanting the Ring of Life because he was planning to propose to Vriska. Thus, once more, he's attempting to use something disingenuous (in this case, a human proposal) to win another person's affection, which he believes would be a symbol of actualizing his "self-esteem".

We also literally see him do the "deciding someone wasn't actually important to you after all, so it hurts less when you cut them off before they can hurt you emotionally by noticing your flaws" thing with Nepeta - he actually quite likes Nepeta, and would certainly have enjoyed having her play the game with him, but he assures her that it's not a big deal basically immediately, and insists he'll just find someone else:

AC: :33 < tavros im sorry i cant be on your team :(( AC: :33 < im not allowed AT: oH, AT: tHAT'S OKAY, AT: tHEN i GUESS HE SAID NO, tHEN, ... AC: :33 < hmm purrhaps AC: :33 < but i still f33l bad AT: i'LL FIND ANOTHER PLAYER, iT'S NOT A BIG DEAL, AT: gOOD LUCK, bEING, AT: oN THE BLUE TEAM, AC: :33 < ok thanks :((

But, perhaps most strikingly, is the way he leaves his good friend Gamzee on read after Gamzee suggests... gasp... intimacy.

TC: WhEn wE Up aNd sTaRt tO KiCk aT ThIs rEd TeAm NoIsE, TC: YoU ShOuLd mAkE YoUr wAy tO GeT YoUr hAnG On aT My hIvE. AT: oH, yES, tOTALLY, TC: We cOuLd sPlIt a tIn oF ThE PiMpEsT SnEeZe i gOt oN HaNd, BaKeD Up aLl sPeCiAl fOr yOu. TC: AnD ThEn mAyBe mAkE OuT A LiTtLe. AT: uH, TC: ;o) AT: , AT: ,,

It freaks him out, and he's never seen hanging with Gamzee again. And this is a huge shame, because not only is Tavros one of the only people who is nice to Gamzee and appreciates his religious beliefs, but Gamzee is one of the only people who hears out Tavros's genuine insecurities and desires without making fun of him:

AT: tHE ONLY THING MORE FLY THAN THE RHYMES, AT: i'M SAYING TO EXPRESS ALL MY MALICES, AT: iS THE ABILITY HE HAD i WISH WAS MINE, AT: iNSTEAD OF i GUESS, THIS EXCESSIVE PARALYSIS, TC: (lOoK OuT FoR ThE HoOk bRo!!!) TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs. TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS! AT: bUT HIGH, iN THIS CASE, hAS DOUBLE THE MEANING, AT: iT MEANS HE CAN FLY, pLUS DOES HIGH SELF ESTEEMING, AT: tHAT'S TWO THINGS HE HAS, tHAT i'D RATHER WERE MINE, AT: hIS TWO FLAPPY WINGS, aND hIS BIG HEALTHY SPINE, AT: oOPS, AT: tHAT'S THREE THINGS,,, TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs. TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS!

(Compare:)

PAT: i'M SORT OF, lYING ON vRISKA'S FLOOR RIGHT NOW, PAT: lIKE, iN HER BLOCK, PAT: lYING DOWN, PAT: uHH, yOU KNOW, bECAUSE i CAN'T WALK, CCG: OH NO SHIT REALLY??? CCG: YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN.

He isn't able to do a REAL self-confidence at least until he gives Vriska the bird and flies away, for the first time asserting that he thinks she's an asshole and doesn't actually want or need her validation or approval. After that, he's able to convince a ghost army to follow him using friendship and asking and niceness. Breath powers! Also Page powers! Also actual self-esteems! Although I don't personally hold anything after Game Over as anything more than soft canon, I think we can still see a fairly straightforward character arc reach a natural conclusion there.

But as to why I specifically think him and Gamzee are destined for pale, despite what appears to be flushed leanings from Gamzee's end, and despite the fact that I usually believe what the comic tells me, is because what brief few interactions we see between them are very much pale in nature, and it would be kind of narratively bizarre if Gamzee were set up to have a failed moirallegiance - the quadrant described as "soul mates" - without managing to find his real soul mate after. And who's it going to be? Equius? Or the guy that Gamzee literally says he feels "at chill with" talking to?

Gamzee kissing Tavros's corpse is often used as evidence for his desire for flushed, but I disagree - however Gamzee feels about Tavros romantically, kissing a dead player is how you revive them, so it reads to me - especially given how sad Gamzee is about Tavros dying - more like a desperate act to bring him back. Lest we forget, Terezi also gives it a try, and Karkat kisses Kanaya for the same reason - the reality that their extra lives are gone hasn't sunk in yet for these 13 year old kids, so they must try revival even if they know it won't work.

Moreover, Gamzee indirectly describes Tavros as his "best friend," after having called Karkat that through most of the game, and having an implied pale crush on Karkat during that time.

TC: YOU MOTHER FUCKING KNOW, BROTHER. TC: its the fuckin puppet. TC: THE ONE THAT'S ALL GOT TO BE MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND I GOT NOW. TC: now that my other buddy managed to be having his head chopped off. :oC

Moreover moreover, what Karkat cites as being the cause of their moirallegiance's failure is Gamzee's religious beliefs:

KARKAT: HE STARTED GETTING SO UNBELIEVABLY SELF SATISFIED AND PIOUS, LIKE WAY MORE THAN HE EVER WAS BEFORE. KARKAT: LIKE HE'S JUST SO COMPLETELY CONVINCED HE'S FOUND HIS CALLING, THAT THIS SESSION IS THE GATEWAY TO THE PROMISED LAND WHERE HE'LL FULFILL HIS DESTINY. KARKAT: HE'S SO CAUGHT UP IN HIS IDIOTIC SCHEMES HE COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME ANYMORE.

Which are explicitly what Tavros invites Gamzee to speak on, and appreciates:

AT: yEAHHH, yOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE CLOWN THINGS, wHICH, AT: i DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND EVER, bUT THAT'S OKAY, AT: bECAUSE IT'S KIND OF FUNNY, AT: wHEREAS, i'LL ADDRESS SOME TOPICS PERTAINING TO MY INTERESTS, AT: aND i GUESS, pERSONAL MOTIFS, TC: YeAh! FuCk YeAh, ThAt Be HoW sHiT's AlL uSuAlLy Up AnD fUcKiN lOcKeD bRo. ... AT: dO YOU HAVE TIME FOR, mY MIRACLES, rELIGIOUS FRIEND, }:) TC: Do yOu gEt yOuR NoTiCe oN Of tHe mIrAcLeS AT: sO MANY, uH, gRATUITOUS EXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, tHE MAGIC MOTHER, aLSO eXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, TC: FuCk yEs, HeReS WhErE ThE SlAm tUrNs tO NoThIn bUt hOnKs... TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk AT: HONK, TC: FuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuCk! AT: iT'S LESS APPROPRIATE FOR ME TO DO THE HONKS, tHAN YOU, bUT THAT WAS STILL GREAT, TC: YeAh, BrO. yEaH!!! AT: tHE SLAMS WERE TRULY PRIME, aND, AT: yOUR RELIGIOUS VIEWS, tHOUGH i DON'T SHARE THEM, aRE, AT: rEASONABLY INSPIRATIONAL, AT: i THINK i'M IN THE PROCESS OF RELEASING AT LEAST ONE TEAR,

But also in Tavros's single conversation with Gamzee, we see Tavros stand up to a highblood:

TC: :o) HoNkHoNkHoNkHoNkHoNk AT: }:o), hEH, TC: hAhAh FuUuUuCk, YoU sToLe My FuCkIn NoSe BrO! TC: WhAt GoT yOu EvEn Up ThE gUmPtIoN tO aLl FuCkIn Do ThE sHiT lIkE tHaT? AT: eRR, i DON'T KNOW, iT'S JUST, AT: kIND OF THE OBVIOUS THING TO DO, AT: sTICK THE CIRCLE IN FRONT OF THE DOTS, aND, bEHIND THE BENDY ONE, AT: pLUS, oH YEAH, mY HORNS, TC: hAhAhAhA. AT: mAYBE WE CAN SLAM ABOUT IT, ... TC: fUuUuCk, So FuCkIn FrEsH. TC: YoU nEeD tO bE sLaPpEd FuCkIn SiLlY wItH a MoUtH lIkE tHaT! hAhA. AT: aND, iF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT, AT: tHEN i SUGGEST YOU GO AND RAP IT DUDE,

He feels safe with Gamzee, enough to take a bit of an attitude with him, enough to open up about his insecurities about his disability and how much he wishes he was like Pupa Pan, and Gamzee explicitly states he feels calm when he talks to Tavros, which is the stated function of a moirallegiance.

TC: Me tOo, BrO, yOu mOtHeR FuCkIn kNoW ThErE Be sOmE Of mY EyE's RoYaL JeLlY To gO WiTh yOuR EmOtIoNaL pEaNuT BuTtEr. AT: wHOA, aHA, hA, TC: ThIs iS BeAuTiFuL, dUdE, i fEeL So aT ChIlL WiTh yOu. AT: yEAH, fRIENDLINESS WITH YOU IS, pRETTY MUCH ALWAYS NICE, aND FUN TO HAVE,

And the thing is, trolls are constantly getting into moirallegiances when they want to be flushed (Eridan, Kanaya), having palecrushes when they want to be friends (Gamzee), and winding up flushed with their moirail (pale solfef is forshadowed in the same breath as pale erikar, and they don't seem to confirm a matespritship until after Sollux's actual flushed crush, Aradia, explodes). Especially for Gamzee, who was neglected by his lusus and struggles with social interaction to the point where he feels like he has to hide his real self (casteist beliefs, constant talk of religion and murder, which, by the way, come out when he talks to Tavros), it'd be easy for him to mistake the "instinctive attraction" of moirallegiance for the passions of matespritship.

These thoughts are all pretty disorganized - I'm really sorry, it's super late/early for me and I'm exhausted for other reasons - but I hope that that . was what you wanted? hahah

#homestuck #gamzee makara #tavros nitram #gamtav

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