#i still minimize my time outside the house and wear masks in public - even in crowded outdoors spaces

[genkais-arcade]

I have Covid for the first time and I'm stuck in bed and sad :( No fever or body aches but big nausea, body chills, and headaches.

Edit: and also twitching. SO MUCH MUSCLE TWITCHING AND QUIVERING. Has anyone else experienced this? It's been wild.

[forcefulkitten]

a ride to remember

[hisoka morow x fem! reader] 

summary: you and Hisoka go on a date to an amusement park and he makes it an experience you’ll never forget.

warnings: 18+, nsfw, public sex, overstimulation, exhibitionism

word count: 2,229

You can’t remember the last time you were able to go out and have fun. Work and adulting consumes a large portion of your life these days. The minimal free time that you do have is spent catching up on much needed rest or lounging around with your boyfriend. So when he came home with tickets for the amusement park, you were thrilled. Being with Hisoka is always a fun time. No matter what you do, he makes it spontaneous. While he’ll never grow sick of doing face masks with you and taking a bath with your head rested on his chest, he can’t deny that you both deserve an actual date outside of the house.

Checking yourself out in the mirror, you’re happy with how you look tonight. You decided to wear a black plaid pleated skirt, white long sleeve turtleneck and sneakers. Hisoka snuck up from behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, looking at you in the mirror. “Mmmm, what fine taste you have my dear.” He’s dressed in his usual outfit and makeup, not that you’d prefer it any otherwise. You turn around and press a kiss to his lips. “Should we head out?” You questioned. “Yes pumpkin.”

Upon arrival, you’re overwhelmed by the amount of rides, games and food there is at your leisure. Energetic music, laughter and smiling faces fill the atmosphere around you. Hisoka pulls you towards the first ride he sees, a drop tower that goes up too high for your comfort. The excitement on his face and strong grip on your wrist gives you the motivation to put any fear aside. It’s rare that you two have the opportunity to go out lately and you’ll be damned if you don’t have the most fun this day has to offer.

Hours of heart pumping, adrenaline rushing entertainment pass by at the speed of light. After surviving what felt like your death sentence, you stomp away from Hisoka with tears in your eyes and make your way to buy a funnel cake with strawberries and whipped cream. He follows behind you, wondering why you’re so upset. Sitting down at a table, you push the dessert over to him on the opposite side. “Why would you do that? I was so scared Hisoka.” You question with sadness in your eyes. “What's the big deal? It was only some harmless fun.” His tone is taunting and you want to punch him in the throat for mocking you. “You call that... harmless fun? You broke our safety buckle right before the rollercoaster dropped from the top. The tallest fucking ride here.” Warm tears streamed down your face, you feel so small right now while he stares at you with pity. “I just couldn’t resist the chance to look at your adorable frightened face.” Hisoka’s arm reaches across the table and lifts your chin to look at him. “I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you. Besides, bungee gum has the properties-“ You cut him off mid sentence, slapping your hand over his mouth. You can't help but laugh whenever he says that line. He places a soft kiss on the back of your hand before pushing the funnel cake back to you and swiping some of the whipped cream on your nose. It’s times like this that remind you how you’ve grown to trust him with your life. He’s scared the hell out of you plenty times and even put you in dangerous positions but you’ve never been unwillingly hurt by or because of him. Hisoka scans over your face, taking mental note of your tear stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes. Even in this state you’re perfect to him. Normally, he thinks weak people are pathetic. But when it comes to you, he’s captivated by how you allow yourself to be so forgiving and kind with him even when he doesn’t deserve it.

After sharing your funnel cake and grabbing some overpriced, underwhelming grub to eat, you two continue to chit chat about your day together while your food settles. Gesturing to the games so Hisoka can win you a bear, he shakes his head no at your silent begs. “Why not? We’ve went on every ride that we wanted to go on! We're not leaving until you win me a bear. I deserve it since you nearly killed us.” He tuts, “You can have whatever you desire, my pretty fruit. But only after we get on the Ferris wheel.”

Handing two tickets to the operator, you and Hisoka make your way onto a cart. The seat beneath you is cold and it’s uncomfortable against your legs, so you move to sit on Hisoka’s lap with your back facing him. He brings his arms around your waist, pulling you flush against his body. The added warmth is appreciated. After such a long day, you could easily fall asleep here if you tried. Instead, the two of you overlook the amusement park while the Ferris wheel slowly makes its way up. Everything around you is perfect. Hisoka holding you tight. The night sky covered in stars. The moon that looks so close but in fact is so far. Happiness radiating in the air around you. The light atmosphere is exquisite, you’d stop time right now if you could.

Hands that were wrapped around your waist untangle. Hisoka brings one underneath your shirt, pulling the cup of your bra down and groping your breast, making you yelp at his sudden movements. His lips find their way to your neck, sucking and nipping the skin. You melt into his touch, small moans feeding his hungry desire. Hisoka’s other hand trails between your thighs, resting against your heat. He doesn’t slip his fingers into your panties, instead finding refuge on your clit through the fabric. You squirm in his lap when deft fingers start to swirl against your bud. “Hisoka..” You whimper when he bites your neck particularly hard, peppering kisses around the area afterwards. “Hmm?” His voice is thick like honey and he pretends that he doesn’t know what you’re whining about.

Leaning against his body, grinding against his hand, head thrown back onto his shoulder while singing his name between breaths only serves to stir him on. Part of you thinks it’s crazy to do this in public, on a Ferris wheel at that. A bigger part of you is caught up in the thrill and pleasure coursing through your body. He’s making you feel so good that you wouldn’t dare stop him. Hisoka can feel how wet you’ve gotten, helping his digits slide up and down your slit through your panties. His fingers circle your clit with precise and calculated movements. Not knowing where to put your hands, you latch onto the material of his pants, tight fists making your knuckles turn white. You feel the coil in your stomach tighten with every swirl against your sex, every pinch of your nipple. You look around, realizing that you’re almost at the base of the Ferris wheel. Hisoka’s fingers speed up, hoping to get you to cum right as you’re passing the operator. He has a knack for both frightening you and seeing you flustered. Fighting your orgasm with every fiber of your being, you clench your eyes shut and try to still your body. He shuffles your body closer to his, and you feel his erection press against you. He ruts up against you, the feeling of him touching every sensitive part of your body is overwhelming. Legs trembling and mouth ajar from the overstimulation, you feel your orgasm approach. There’s no use in trying to fight it. Hisoka brings his lips to your ear, “Cum for me darling.” His voice is laced with lust and persuasion. He doesn’t even understand the amount of power he has over you when he uses that tone. Letting go of your nipple, his hand moves up to grip your neck, rested between your breast like a seatbelt. His fingers ravishing your clit, erection prodding against you and moans in your ear send a rush through your veins. Amusement park music, people screaming on rollercoasters, the gears of the Ferris wheel. These sounds that filled your ears before aren’t registering to you. All you can hear is your moans and his hitched breath each time you rub against him. The knot in your stomach snaps, and you let out a cry while your cunt clenches around nothing. Hisoka’s fingers work your swollen bud even faster once he feels your orgasm begin. He jerks your head to the side and when you force your eyes open, the operator’s looking at you in confusion. Trying to move your face from his view is futile, the grip on your jaw is iron clad. You shut your eyes, promising to pay Hisoka back for this. Thankfully the operator isn’t able to see what Hisoka’s hand is doing under your skirt, but you can guess he knows exactly what’s going on. Shocked and embarrassed, you lean forward towards your knees while Hisoka cups your sex, allowing you a moment to gather yourself. As the cart makes its way back up, he gives the operator a sly grin.

You slide onto the cold seat, only for Hisoka to pull you right back onto his lap facing him. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders, you bring your tongue to lick the shell of his ear. You begin to straddle his waist, grinding against his thick length. Hisoka’s breath hitches at the friction between the two of you. Bringing one hand to hold you up, Hisoka pulls his cock out of his pants and lines himself up with your clothed cunt. You reach between your bodies, tugging your panties to the side and giving him a way in. His hands glide up the curve of your ass and find their way to your waist, inching into you. Your slick cunt sucks him in quickly, making you hiss at the stretch that turns from pain to pleasure. Hisoka bucks into you while you meet his thrusts. The squelching noises of your sex drives him wild. “Oh my, you’re soaking wet darling. So gorgeous taking my cock like this.” You bring him into a kiss, slipping your tongue in his mouth and biting down harshly. The pain makes him speed up his pace, thrusting into you so roughly that you know you’ll be sore after this. His long member hits your cervix with every rut, you can’t control the obnoxious moans leaving your mouth. The way he slides in and out of your sopping pussy makes you feel delirious. Your grip on his muscular shoulders tighten at the feeling of your orgasm building up again. Hisoka is latched onto your ass, squeezing so hard that his nails dig crescents into your fragile skin. He’s putting all of his strength behind his vicious onslaught, the feeling of his hips hitting your aching folds is invigorating. Amber eyes bore into yours, aroused by every contorted face that you make. Hisoka knows you’re close. Your legs are burning from meeting his thrusts, arms clutched onto him like he’s your savior. Hisoka can’t continue much longer. Seeing you such a mess, impaled on his cock while shamelessly taking him in public is driving him wild. Your legs finally give out, leaving him to use you to his heart’s content. You grind against him lazily, focused on chasing your orgasm despite the burn in your legs. Hisoka rolls his hips against yours, desperate for you to cream around him. You bury your face into his neck as you cum, letting out choked moans that bring a smile to his face. He doesn’t even give you a moment to catch your breath, quickly pistoning into you. He lets out a string of moans that could probably be heard by all of the other people on the Ferris wheel. Bringing your hands into his hair, you pull his face into your neck to shut him up. Hisoka bounces you on his length as if you weigh nothing, biting your neck hard enough to make you shriek. Your cunt gripping him like a vice proves too much for him. Shuddering, he coats your walls with his seed. Having regained some control over yourself, you sway against his length, greedily milking him until he stops twitching inside of you. He holds you close against him while drawing circles in your thigh. Your mouth meets his in a sloppy kiss, wordlessly thanking him for fucking you into the oblivion. Hisoka lifts you off of him gently, and you both fix yourselves properly into your clothing with perfect timing. Not even a minute later, you reach the bottom of the Ferris wheel and the operator opens the cart to let you both out. As you walk by, you keep your head down and follow behind Hisoka.

Exhausted is an understatement. Having spent over 8 hours at this place and going through several different emotions; you’re ready to go home, take a shower and go to sleep. Hisoka plays a couple of games, making sure to win you a small bear and an oversized one. Shortly after, the two of you make your way home after Hisoka buys candy to share on the way. Little do you know, he's already got two more tickets to visit again in the future.

[charkyzombicorn]

Okay thought up a quirk and a villain motivation so I'm gonna put it on Izuku because reasons.

The quirk is called Picture Perfect

⚠️Trigger Warning⚠️

Whoever Izuku takes a picture of (physical picture, digital doesn't count) is frozen, disappearing from the real world and only existing in that photo. Izuku doesn't discover his quirk until he's about 14, he was given the diagnosis of quirkless and no one uses polaroids anymore so it wasn't exactly easy to catch. Since he was 'quirkless' for a whole decade, his dad left and him mom had to work two jobs to support them both and he started coming home beaten bloody by his classmates and after ten years Izumi Midoriya is always tired. She rarely looked happy anymore, and Izuku couldn't help because the whole world seemed to be crushing her. And when Izuku is 14, he decides to get a polaroid so that he can start putting more than just his idol on his wall.

It's his mom's birthday, he made her her favorite dessert and picked up some shifts at the library so she wouldn't have to work that day. She was smiling the brightest smile he'd seen in years and he used his polaroid for the first time to take a picture of his mother. So he was terrified at first when he realised he'd accidentally trapped her, deducing that it was his quirk and that he could let her out if he tried. He almost did, but then he saw the smile on her face, frozen, happy. He put her picture down on the table and left, going outside and testing his quirk on a few strays to make sure he could absolutely get his mom back without hurting her. He went back home an hour later and he realised something.

She was frozen, happy, she didn't have to worry about anything in there, the world wasn't crushing her, she was safe. Keeping people safe and happy is what heroes did, wasn't it?

He carefully used double-sided tape to fasten the picture to the wall without tampering with the ink. That's what he was doing, he was protecting her from all the harsh things even pro heroes couldn't protect people from.

He didn't tell anyone, if he did, they would make her go back to working herself to death, they would take smile off her face. He wouldn't let that happen. He stopped going to school, he left his house with only a few pairs of clothes, some money, and his mother safely stashed away pressed in a hardcover cookbook. He had to give up the idea of UA, but that was okay, because he was gonna be a hero to protect people for all the harshness of the world instead of just villains.

He thought it was selfish that he had the power to freeze people in bliss and only gave his mother said freedom, so he marched up to the first homeless man he saw and explained his quirk, offered the man a trouble-free existence.

To his surprise, the man seemed horrified at the idea. He said he would keep his life and the hardships that came with it, and sped away as if Izuku were crazy. Izuku didn't offer anyone else, wandering around the red light district looking for a cheap hotel to stay the night. He ended up accidentally going in circles and it was starting to get dark when he came across an alleyway, and some part of his gut urged him toward it.

Eventually his steps became wet and he looked down, in the dim light he could barely see a figure to he turned on the flashlight on his phone. He threw up a second later. There in the middle of the alley was the corpse of that same homeless man, mangled and broken and not breathing. If he had just listened to Izuku this never would have happened, he would have been happy and alive and as well as his mother. He ran away, tears clouding his vision because he couldn't protect this one.

Next time, he didn't ask. Instead, he offered the homeless woman a sandwich and talked to her. It seemed she didn't get that sort of kindness often because she brightened at the wide-eyed little boy she met. They chatted and laughed and it was one of the best days the woman had had in months of misfortune. He decided to capture her, which he thought sounded much worse than it was. He whipped out his camera and told a lie about taking pictures of people he helped in the community for a school project and she obliged happily. He put her picture in the cookbook for safe keeping.

He kept doing this, for every down-on-their-luck person he came across, he was reported a missing person along with his mother so he started dying his hair and wearing a medical mask, purely to keep all his pictures safe and happy.

But then the news started getting on with all the missing persons, and he was labeled a villain. He knew why, the general public don't know how happy they can be, forever. He was given the name Broke Bandit, which was a rather dumb name, but a bit fitting considering he mostly took pictures of people who were down on their luck money wise. He started being more careful, only making people happy when they were alone because he'd already done too much good to give it all up now. He was helping people, no matter how much the public wanted to twist his motives. He took odd jobs to keep himself fed and housed, occasionally sleeping in empty bachelor pads and borrowing money from wallets that wouldn't be needed where their owners were. The UA exams passed and his Kacchan got into UA just like he always wanted, Izuku was so happy for him. But then UA was attacked by the league of villains and that wouldn't do. How could Kacchan be happy if he wasn't safe at his own dream school?

He did research, but that wasn't enough. He started taking up different kinds of odd jobs. People traded people for information, a few questionable individuals but if they were consorting with these types the people he captured must have been bad types. He gave away the photographs with minimal questioning, not releasing them from their pictures though. Even if these people wanted to kill the people he captured for them, he wouldn't let them hurt. That wasn't was heroes did.

He found the LOV base too late, Kacchan was kidnapped by those bastards and that wouldn't do. He made his way there as quickly as possible, he picked up a few tricks capturing people before they could see him, and he got into the base with a bit of struggle. He positioned himself right behind the chair they had crudely strapped Kacchan to, and got his camera ready.

He took a picture of everyone in the room from just above Kacchan's head so he wouldn't be captured too, and every villain disappeared into the tiny piece of paper.

He walked into view of his former bully, waving the picture casually as if he weren't internally bouncing off the walls with excitement to see his oldest and only friend. But before he did, he had business to take care of.

He held up the picture, showing the final moment of the LOV. "They're all in here, trapped until I let them out." He said evenly, before gently opening the blond's palm and placing the picture there before closing the fist, hearing the paper curl and crinkle. "Destroy it." He said, staring down at his friend with a mad glint in his eye.

Red eyes went wide, his jaw clenched before he started hurling insults like they were still five and he was having a tantrum. "What the fuck?! No! Why should I believe you?! Fucking asshole! I'll kill you! Why would I kill them I ain't a damn MONSTER!!" He struggled harshly against his restraints, accidentally making his palms sweat more.

No, Izuku couldn't get rid of the LOV, the credit would go to an unknown mask instead of Kacchan, and Kacchan wanted to be number one. Taking down a whole villain organisation that even got past All Might would surely help Katsuki more than him. He sighed, and decided once again, since people refused to see the bigger picture, he'd give it to them free of charge whether they liked it or not. He hooked a finger under his mask, and pulled it down. He smiled kindly at his friend, who suddenly looked like he'd seen a ghost.

Then all the rage that had been collecting over all those months since Deku had disappeared made him slip. He lost control and reflexively made an explosion big enough to decintigrate the tiny photo.

Ash fell through the teen's fingers as he realised he had just killed people. He struggled against his restraints more harshly, hissing and spitting barely comprehensible threats.

Izuku's work was done, so he tugged his mask back up before putting a finger over his covered mouth. Katsuki froze. "Don't tell anyone I was here, then you won't get all the credit for such an amazing feat, ne?" And he left.

Katsuki told. And Izuku had never felt more betrayed when he saw his face on the news of the cheap motel TV talking about all his heroism as if he were evil. He cried.

He needed advice, but he had no one. So after a lot of debate, he got out his mother's picture, still smiling in front of her birthday cake as she was when he'd taken her. He released her.

She stumbled backwards, losing all the colour in her face and falling as if she hadn't used her legs in months, her puples like pinpricks. She looked up at Izuku and everything she emitted was fear, not tainted with relief or happiness at all. Izuku didn't understand.

He tried to explain what happened, but she didn't say a word, she kept crawling away from him feebly as if he were everything bad in one small package. "Y-Y-You're a murderer." She said, and Izuku would have revelled in hearing his mothers voice again after so long were it not for the words.

"What?"

"I was there, I couldn't move, you let people die, you killed people, you trapped people." Her voice got more steady as she got more angry but it barely covered a portion of her skin-bleaching fear. Izuku blinked at his mother.

"I-I was just trying to help--" his words made her flinsh as if she didn't know he was her son.

Suddenly anger flooded the teenage boy. "I gave up UA to try to keep you happy, I gave up my name to protect people from killing themselves with all the hardships of this world! I gave my life to keep bad people off the streets and to keep people happy!! I lost everything, and now you won't even look your own son in the eyes?!" He hated this, he gave everything and she was looking at him like this. Angry tears flowed down his cheeks as he harshly grabbed the polaroid still hanging from his neck, and his mother scrambled to try to stop him even though all she could do with the lack of practice moving was crawl.

His next picture of her wasn't happy. She was pale, crying, pathetic, reaching for the camera with wide eyes that held nothing but fear for her only son. He crumpled up the paper into a crude ball, stomping out to the hotel parking lot and burning her picture on the concrete, followed by everyone else he kept safe in his cookbook.

If everyone insisted he was a murderer, if he was going to be punished as a murderer no matter what he did, he might as well be guilty.

[writetorace]

Picture Perfect – One Shot Harry Holland x Reader

Summary: to the outsiders, your relationship looks picture perfect, it anything but

Warnings: angst

A/N: feedback is appreciated, Picture Perfect by Every Avenue is such a jam. Taglist

The beginning is always the best; it’s probably the best place to start. At the beginning of your relationship with Harry, everything was perfect. He had been in your life for a year before he got the courage to ask you out, and even then he was so sure that you would say no. You remember the way his face was red, and how he kept fumbling over his words. It was cute to you which you told him.

He had brought you flowers on a Wednesday, the kind you had told him you loved only the week before, and he was wearing his signature dungarees. Before he came to see you, he had debated whether or not to wear a bandana but opted against it. The flowers had thrown you; he had never brought you flowers before. Friends didn’t do that for each other, but when he asked you out on a date, well, the flowers were a lovely thought.

He had asked you to go and see a movie with him. It was a night screening, and he drove you there and home, claiming he didn’t want you to walk in the dark night. He held your hand the entire movie, and you kissed him on the cheek when he dropped you home. Everything went from there. It was cute little dates, picnics, photoshoots with you as his subject, everything that made you fall in love with him.

Then things changed. Following your two-year anniversary, the kisses got shorter, gone were the long passionate kisses that left you breathless. Replaced with a quick peck on the lips, or sometimes a dodge, so you ended up kissing his cheek. The arm that held you at night, now replaced with coldness. The dates were replaced with group gatherings or being home alone.

When you came home from work instead of being welcomed with “Welcome home love. How was your day?” you were greeted with a short “hello” or just silence. A few times, it was an empty house, and you felt like you were failing in the relationship. When Harry came home late from work, you made sure that there was some food, knowing that he loved your cooking, or at least he did. Now when he came home, he went straight to bed.

Harry knew he would lose you, that was clear. The truth was, he didn’t think he was worthy of your love. He would put himself down and distance himself from you. He did this to protect the both of you. He knew that once you came to your senses and left him, he wanted to make sure that neither of you missed the other. It was a stupid idea, but he truly believed it.

When you were both out in public, it was almost like Harry was a different person. He would hold your hand and make you laugh. It was like being back with the old Harry, the Harry you knew and loved. He was the Harry who knew your favourite drink at the bar and would order it for you. He was the Harry who held you close, who whispered sweet nothings into your ear. It was the Harry who put on a show. It made you wonder how many other women he had done this to.

He was stood next to the kettle when you decided to take action. “Hey, Harry. What you doing?” You moved towards him to try to give him a hug, but he side-stepped avoiding you.

“Making tea.” His voice was monotone, and he turned away from you. His body language was cold, and you had had enough of it.

“Okay. Harry seriously what is going on? You’ve changed, where is my Harry because you certainly aren’t him?” There was so much more that you wanted to say to him, but right now, you needed answers. You had positioned your body to face him, whilst he was still turned with his back to you.

He wasn’t sure whether it was his own stubbornness or pride that prompted what he said next. “I’m still the same person; nothing’s wrong with me. Have you ever stopped to think that it is you, that is the problem?”

Laying on the floor was your heart, shattered into a million little pieces. Getting yourself out of the situation before you said something you would later regret, you went to your bedroom. Harry would not get the satisfaction of seeing your mask of happy fall to be replaced with sadness. He would not get to see you cry.

You avoided Harry for the rest of the day. It was made difficult with the fact that you lived together, but that didn’t stop you. Leaving the house, you went to a café that you often frequented with Harry in the early days of your relationship. The smell of the ground coffee and the freshly baked cakes was a welcome delight to your senses, instantly lifting your sour mood.

Grabbing your favourite drink, you go to sit down in one of the quieter areas. It was times like this that made you think what in your life had gone so wrong? You decided to ponder on Harry’s words, had you changed since the start of your relationship? All you wanted was too wrapped in Harry’s arms in bed, a peaceful silence sitting between the two of you. Not the awkward silence that settled between you in the late hours of the night as he lay as far away from as possible.

Going back to the counter, a particular cake catches your eye. It was the cake that Harry ate on your first visit to this place. Stepping towards the counter, you ordered a piece to take away. You knew it might not change anything between the two of you, but if it could make him either smile or talk to you, it was worth a shot.

Walking through the front door, you could hear the sound of the tv. Stepping into the room, you placed the slice of cake on the coffee table, “I got you this. Hope you like it.” You knew you sounded stupid, but you just wanted to hear his voice, see him smile. God, you missed his smile.

“Thanks.” His gaze didn’t shift from the tv. Instead, his body turned away from where you were stood yet again. Did you really repulse him that much? Instead of standing there, waiting for further humiliation, you went to do the one thing that had been weighing on your mind for the past few weeks.

You went upstairs and packed a bag. You didn’t know where you were going to go, but you couldn’t stay here. Not with someone who didn’t love you. The tears streaming down your face didn’t surprise you, what did surprise you, however, was the exhaustion you felt. You almost didn’t have the will to leave. Soldiering on, you knew you had to go, especially when a piece of you felt like it was dying the more you stayed in that house, in that relationship.

Hoping that Harry wouldn’t come and see what you were doing made the process quicker. The quicker you packed, the sooner you could leave without saying a word. Instead, you opted to leave a letter. Harry found it that night. When he read it, it was the first time he could be honest to himself about how he treated you. He knew it wasn’t right how he was treating you, but he thought it was for the best. Now you had left, and he was alone.

Dear Harry,

I love you. I need you to remember that. I don’t think that I will ever stop loving you, but promise me that you won’t come looking for me. Thank you for the memories, even the bad. It is because of you that I know what love feels like. Felt like.

I’m sorry I’m leaving without saying goodbye, but that would have made it harder for me. I couldn’t keep waiting around for you to talk to me; it was breaking my heart. Harry, two years of my life are gone, but I wouldn’t wish them with someone else. Those two years are reserved for you.

To the outside world, we were the perfect couple. Some even called us ‘Picture Perfect’, but we know the truth. There are minimal words spoken, barely-there kisses, yet a love that I feel for you so strong.

This may not be goodbye forever; this may just be goodbye for now. Just remember that I will always love you.

Love, y/n.

[buckleyydiaz]

conflicted looks good on me pt. 2/3

link to part 1 here length: 1.6k

ship: ralvez

summary: spencer tries to talk things out, which helps him more than expected

“Spence, I was wondering, do you see us coming out soon?”

The question took Spencer by surprise. He and Luke had been relaxing together on the couch after a wonderful date, lazily chatting about trivial little things. A question of such magnitude was in stark contrast to the rest of their evening, so it was unsurprising that he was taken aback by it. However, realising that his jaw had likely dropped, Spencer hurriedly tried to mask what he was feeling. Any further reaction could wait until he knew what Luke’s thoughts on the matter were.

“Do you want to?” Spencer asked, attempting to understand if they were on the same page or completely different ones to help make the situation easier on them both.

When Luke smiled and nodded happily, Spencer couldn’t help but feel overwhelmingly guilty, knowing he was about to wipe that beautiful grin off of his face. It was far from surprising that Luke felt that way, he was after all, a loud, affectionate and loving person.

Spencer on the other hand, preferred to keep his relationships quiet - for a multitude of reasons. There was a certain niceness to the status quo - not risking any change in the relationship or its dynamics - something risked by coming out. Although he was aware it was irrational as well, he couldn’t help but think that the team would see him differently - being out in theory is one thing, but to be out and dating another man, that was a whole different one.

As always, there were also the insecurities in the back of his mind, ever present, never letting him be. They told Spencer that this was only ever going to end up humiliated as a result of this, that once their friends, family, knew, Luke would break up with him for one of many viable reasons, and he would be left, embarrassed, having expressed his love only to have it be unreturned, at least not returned to the same intensity.

He couldn’t do that, couldn’t go through the process of telling people that no, they weren’t together anymore, and yes, they broke up - not when Spencer would know that it was his fault that something he was so committed to, something he relied on, had come crumbling down.

“I take it you don’t?”

Spencer watched as the light that had previously been present in Luke’s eyes faded, replaced by a glossiness that he tried to pretend wasn’t unspilled tears that he was responsible for. He didn’t say anything, knowing Luke would hate it, because he was trying to hide it, surely in an attempt to avoid making Spencer feel guilty - all to no avail, of course, because he already felt guilty, aware that he was letting his love down.

Seeing that look on Luke’s face was painful - Luke was such a bright, happy person. It was horrible to see him attempting to keep a straight face when he was so clearly upset - and knowing that he was responsible for that look was the final straw for him, and he could no longer even pretend to keep some semblance of a straight face.

“I’m sorry, Luke, I-”

Spencer tried his best to get the words out, to apologise, for not wanting what Luke did, for upsetting him, disappointing him, but his words were muffled by Luke pulling Spencer into his arms. Spencer rested his head in the crook of Luke’s neck as he sniffled slightly, trying to pretend that he wasn’t essentially crying, overwhelmed by all that had happened, all that he was feeling.

He cuddled into Luke regardless, glad for the comfort despite the overall melancholy air to what had otherwise been an amazing day. It was their own little private moment away from their troubles, that was popped by the buzz of Spencer’s cell phone.

As he picked up the phone, he pulled away disappointedly, not wanting to leave Luke.

“It’s Derek, he’s asking me to head over since we haven’t caught up in a while.”

Spencer was going to offer to decline, but Luke beat him to it, surely knowing that, and not wanting him to lose time with his best friend, which was already very minimal between both of their busy lives. 

“Go, have fun! This can wait.”

The badly faked smile on Luke’s face as he said that broke Spencer’s heart, but he didn’t think that he was capable of putting up a fight in his state of mind. As such, he got up and got ready to head out, not bothering to change out of the tracksuit pants and jumper (that was technically Luke’s) that he was wearing.

Maybe Derek would be able to help with some of his issues and reservations - he could tell Derek about their relationship, surely, and maybe that would be a step in the right direction, a step towards making Luke happy that was desperately needed after the debacle that had just occurred.

“Bye Cariño,” Luke called out to him as Spencer got into his old, dusty car and drove off.

The time in the car gave him far too long to spend in his own mind, despite being a very short journey. The guilt of putting such a sad look on Luke’s face, reducing him nearly to tears, was gnawing at him. Spencer hated knowing that he was responsible for that, all because of his own cowardice.

He tried his best to keep his eyes clear of tears and trained on the road, trying to focus all of his brain power on driving, although for him, it was hardly enough to distract him from the war being waged in his mind.

In many regards, Spencer did want to come out - and not just for Luke, but for himself. He wanted to be able to share their relationship with their family, to not have to hide away if one of them needed comfort, to be able to have public dates without driving far enough away that they wouldn’t be seen, but at the same time, his insecurities were stronger than his strengths.

Thankfully, it wasn’t long until he was outside Derek’s house. Spencer missed Derek a lot, and while he was really happy for him, for having a family, for having found happiness, he still missed being able to go to work and see him almost every day. He was a bit upset that Derek had invited him while Luke and Spencer were dealing with the whole coming out matter, but between both of their schedules, he didn’t know when they would next get the chance to hang out.

“Hey Pretty Boy!” Derek said as Spencer wandered in. It looked as though he had been about to ask how he was, before taking a look at Spencer and realising that something was definitely up. His eyebrows furrowed as Spencer got closer and it became even more apparent that things weren’t right. “You okay? What happened?’

They headed over to the living room, which was empty, with Hank and Savannah out with one of her friends. As they walked, Spencer tried to prepare what he could say to explain everything.

“Derek, you know the agent who took your spot? Luke Alvez?” When Spencer received confirmation, he continued on, trying his best to maintain his trust that Derek would never judge him, even though there was nothing really to judge him on. “We’re dating.”

Spencer watched Derek’s face light up with excitement for him.

“Spence, that’s great! He seems like a great guy, and I hope he is treating you well.” Derek then seemed to remember his sadness, his expression a mix of concern and anger. “Is he treating you alright? Is everything okay?”

Realising what Derek was concerned about, he was quick to dismiss that, reassuring Derek that Luke was nothing but a kind, perfect gentleman.

“It’s just… He wants to come out, um, to the team, but I’m scared, Der. I want to be open about our relationship, but if we are, then they all just once again get to watch as another of my few and far between relationships fails.”

Spencer had to take a moment to collect himself - he didn’t need to work himself up to the verge of crying yet again.

“I don’t want that to happen - I don’t want this to fail, let alone have spectators to it all - but I can’t just say no to him either. Not because I am scared of him or what his reaction would be, in fact, it's the opposite. Luke would do anything for me, for anyone he loves, even to his own disadvantage, even if it was tearing him apart - like this undoubtedly will.”

It was hard for Spencer to believe how lucky he had gotten with Luke, who was just so incredible, which is why, just saying it aloud, even without hearing from Derek, he knew what he would have to do.

As such, he cut Derek off before he could properly get into what he was going to say.

“I’m going to do it,” Spencer said, with as much conviction as he could muster. “Thank you for listening to me, Der. You’re the best.”

“Kid, you know I’m always here for you - even if you aren’t even going to listen to what I have to say.”

Derek chuckled, and Spencer did too - years ago, he would likely have apologised, thought Derek was criticising and laughing at him, but he knew better now.

“Do you have time to watch something and maybe have a beer or two before you go?”

Spencer scrunched up his nose at the suggestion of beer. It was something he had never acquired a taste for. He smiled though, and nodded. It would be a nice way to calm himself down before he went home to talk with Luke, to face his fears.

“Okay,” he agreed, “but you better have something to drink other than beer.”

[mikeysbride]

2020: So Long, and Good Riddance

It’s New Year’s Eve, the last day of a year that’s been less than ideal for most of us to say the least. I expect that, like most any year, I’ll be in bed asleep long before midnight. This, even though I’ve (half) joked that I should stay awake just to make sure 2020 actually leaves.

It’s been a year when we’ve seen a global pandemic affect every aspect of our daily lives. A year when civil discourse was intensified and where a brutal presidential election dominated the news cycle. When we’ve been asked to wear masks in public, stay home, and keep at least 6 feet away from others outside our households as much as possible and seen a large portion of the population refuse to do even that - the bare minimum to protect ourselves and each other. As a result, we’ve also seen hundreds of thousands of people catch COVID-19 and pass away and countless others recover from it only to still have long-term health concerns to contend with in its aftermath. A year where businesses shut down - permanently, in some cases - and families struggled to make ends meet after parents lost jobs. Kids did school at home on the internet, and those of us who could, worked at home too. And personally, it’s a year when I lost my father-in-law (thankfully, not to COVID, but lost nonetheless) and faced my own (also not COVID-related) health scare that I thought might cost me my own life. I still feel effects from that and will have to be cognizant of it for the rest of my life to do all I can to prevent a recurrence. For more on that, see my other recent posts.

Despite all that had to be sacrificed this year, there have been some bright spots. Thankfully, my husband and I have both managed to keep our jobs when so many others have not, and we have been fortunate to have the privilege to work at home for parts of the year, which was a godsend while the kids have been doing school virtually. On somewhat of a whim, we got a new car a few months ago - one I’ve wanted a while and am thrilled to finally have for my long commutes when I do have to go into the office. We’ve enjoyed having more time at home as a family, as that’s honestly our favorite thing, especially in a year that deprived us of Disney World, concerts, dining out at restaurants, and movie theaters; we’ve been grateful that we are so good at entertaining each other. We also got to see a return to reason and hopefulness with the election of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris to the White House. We are long overdue to move past the circus the Trump administration has been. We also have new vaccines for COVD-19 now, albeit in record time that some find suspicious, but they’re here, and hopefully they will put us on a course to a more normal world sooner than later.

And last, but never least, there has been music. Music has always been the great love of my life (aside from my husband, of course), and this year was no different in that regard. Although, live concerts were minimal, virtual concerts, CDs, and playlists still got me through 2020. As everyone else, I pray 2021 will be a vastly better year than 2020 has been for us as a nation and as a global community. It’s been hard all around, but through it all, there will still be music - happy, sad, or indifferent. I’ll end here with a shout out to some of the artists I’ve listened to the most this year: Allen Stone, Samm Henshaw, Tenille Townes, Richard Marx, Jon Pardi, Kelsea Ballerini, Tom Petty, The Chicks, Lukas Graham, and David Bowie. They may never know just how much their work lit the way for me to survive this crazy year, but I know, and I won’t forget. Thank you to music for always making the world a better, more bearable place.

[feralnumberfive]

I expect no one to read this at all. It’s more of a way to get some feelings off of my chest. This is a look into my personal life and what I went through in 2020. I cried quite a bit while writing this, haha.

My farewell letter to 2020:

To you 2020, the year that shook the world. You’re certainly one to go down in the record books. You changed my life as you did to everyone. To you, the month of March. I had hit the lowest part in my life since the shock of my parent's divorce 11 years ago. My beloved cat had died in October of 2019, a few days short of our one year anniversary of fostering him, which soon turned into us adopting him. It was sudden and unexpected. I still can remember clear as day that horrid call I got from my sister from the vet. “Hey, we need you to come up here. It’s kidney failure.” As she spoke through her tears, I instantly began to cry. I had felt sad for months after that. 

In December of 2019, the adoptive dad of one of my closest friends committed suicide. She was torn apart, having had three people she knew died earlier that year. I stood by her side and watched her cry. We colored together in the counseling room, making small talk and doing anything I could to comfort her. 

From late February into March, another one of my closest friends revealed to me a traumatic experience she went through. She had been raped by a classmate of mine, one who I considered to be good acquaintances. She was a grade younger than me, and was practically completely dependent on me and my friend, as she was too scared to tell her parents. She eventually completely relied on my friend as I became shoved out of the problem. Her story and the amount of support required from her, which she never gave back to me throughout our friendship, made me realize at that moment I had hit rock bottom. I was tired and so sick of it all. This sentence that I'm about to say is one I've never admitted to anyone: I didn't want to be around anymore, or at least alive. I needed somewhere to escape. I didn't want to commit suicide due to expectations I held upon myself. I was also too scared to commit suicide. 

I finally admitted I needed help, which was scary for me to do. In March of you, 2020, I was diagnosed with situational depression. I was soon put on an anti-depressant. It felt good to put a name on it, but little did I know I would pay the price for my relief. Preparing to go off to college, I needed to get a First Class Medical Certificate in order to apply to the flight program at the colloege I wanted to go to. I went and got my FAA Medical Certificate done, ticking off the boxes on my journey to fulfill my life long dream of becoming a pilot. 

Spring Break came and after watching schools around me close, it was announced that we wouldn't be returning until mid April, and then the end of April, then until May. I quickly realized it wasn't possible to return and that unbeknownst to me I had already spent the last days of my Senior year at school in March. A frantic question was suddenly formed amongst my classmates and soon the world: Will the class of 2020 graduate? I, being burnt out, didn't care what would happen to me or my class. We soon became a laughing stock and a sight to pity around the world. Class of 2020, Corona Class, The Class that would be telling this story to their kids. It didn't matter to me. As I held up the “Class of 2020″ shirt my uncle got me with the zeros as tp rolls, I sighed. I just wanted to graduate without getting laughed at. Spoiler Alert: That didn't happen. 

Around this time I ended my friendship with the girl who I cherished but didn't cherish me back. I still to this day can’t exactly understand why I did that. I blocked her and left without saying goodbye. That wasn’t the right thing to do at all. She had been raped and needed support, but here I was leaving her. She always needed and wanted my support but never gave it back. It was always “Aw you have a problem? Here, let’s try this minimal effort plan to help you. That didn’t work? Oh well, let’s get back to me.” This is no excuse at all for my actions of cutting her off. I really still don’t know why I did this. I had hung out with her everyday in the summer of 2019. Here I was, easily letting her go. Jackie, I’m so sorry. I hope you are doing well and get into ISU to follow your dreams of being an engineer. 

In May I received news that still hurts and effects me to this day. I had been denied my Medical Certificate. It wasn't due to me being on an antidepressant, is was due to the fact that I was depressed. This was soul crushing news, but there was still a chance I could reapply for the Medical Certificate if I jumped through multiple hoops. May also provided the announcement that my safe haven in Oshkosh, Wisconsin wouldn't be happening this year. It was definitely understandable due to the virus, but still very saddening to me. It’s really the only thing I look forward to each year, but I understood and agreed on why it was canceled for 2020.

In June I got the news that a beloved teacher of my family and I passed away due to a heart attack and complications of Addison’s Disease. She was the best math teacher I had ever had, and the best in my High School. Math is my worst subject, but she never made me feel stupid like the other math teachers. She always made sure I understood what I was doing. Sometimes when she didn’t feel like having class she would have a free day. She would gossip with my classmates and tell us stories of her youth. Sometimes though she would give us free days due to having intense migraines that sometimes hospitalized her due to her disease. It wasn’t fun to see her like that. 

In June she was hospitalized where even her husband and two kids weren’t allowed in to see her. The only person allowed into her before she died was her twin brother. The family decided to have a public funeral, with tons of people in the community and school district socially distancing and wearing masks to pay their respect. I began to cry as I listened to her husband tell everyone that he wasn't ready and was so scared to be a single parent. Their children were both under ten, and were now motherless. Mrs. Johnson it was so hard saying goodbye to you. I loved you so much, and I still do. You gave my friend who had lost her dad food and comfort. You did so much not only for my family and I, but for everyone in the community and school district. I miss you so much. 

Hot days came with hazy skies. Everyday I checked the wildfire smoke map as I watched the sun turn bright pink as the sun became a blazing red when the sun went down. For weeks our sky looked hazy. Some days looked cloudy, but it was actually smoke. As someone who lives the Midwest, this was quite surprising. 

In August I experienced something that will forever be remembered by me and everyone who lives in my state. A Derecho tore through and ravaged my hometown and the state that I dearly love. We watched through the window as trees snapped in half and branches and leaves whirled around everywhere. We watched through the window as water roared down the road, appearing as if a stream had started right next to us. We watched in fear as shingles were torn off and large items were blown through our yard. As the electricity flickered out, we wondered if we would be crushed by either tree that were on two sides of our house. Wet leaves were torn apart and slammed into our window, where they stayed there for a month afterwards. They looked like confetti, torn into thousands of tiny pieces. 

To the branches and trees I still see today in the neighboring towns and cities, broken reminders of the damage done. To you, the metal grain bins that still sit out in the flattened cornfields. Our once tall and proud cornfields that are a proud symbol of my state were now flattened to the ground, completely parallel to the rich farming soil that it stood in. Painting the countryside in flat waves of green with splotches of silver from grain bins and white from barns and houses damaged. Our proud stalks became damaged goods that costed us billions. To the buildings that still show their battle scars from months ago, the houses with the tarps on their roofs and the old wooden barns that couldn't handle the 140 mph. To you, Donald J, Trump, the President of the United States who was supposed to tour Cedar Rapids to exam the damage that still lies there today. You stayed in the airport and immediately left after getting your business done. You didn't care about us, you were there to do business and leave to start your campaigning.

My small town was able to clean up within a month or so, but even still TODAY the bigger cities are littered with damage. There are tree trunks and branches scattered along roads. Thousands of houses still have tarps on their houses and siding missing. 

In August my grandma was also diagnosed with Dementia. I've watched her deteriorate over the past few months. Every time we call she forgets that I’m not in school. Sometimes she forgets my name. When we tell her we’re on our way to visit outside her window, she forgets within 10 minutes. Grandma, I hope you never forget that I love you.

In September I finally met with a therapist. I am so thankful to be working with her. After months of my family getting angry and upset at me for being scared to go to the store, my therapist diagnosed me with Social Anxiety. I was so relieved to be diagnosed with it and to be working out the issues I have with my therapist. We work together weekly to help me become a better and more comfortable version of myself. 

Over the summer months the health of my already diseased cat took a steep decline. She was my cat, and I felt powerless as I slowly watched her die. She could no longer stay inside due to her having constant accidents. As we made our plan to take her to the vet to give her a peaceful death, I received a heartbreaking call from my mother on a cold September night. My little Jill had passed away in her sleep on our porch. I came over to say goodbye to my baby as I pet her cold fur one last time. I love you my little Jilly Bean and I miss you everyday. I miss and love you so so so much. 

September also brought the news that a precious B-25 had a crash landing. It always hurts to hear about a Warbird crashing or getting damaged. I was happy to hear though that they were going to fix it back to airworthiness.

In October I had to make a difficult decision with the FAA. Do I try to visit four different doctors for phycological examinations in order to complete my Medical Certificate or do I wait to get off my medicine and start feeling better on my own? I opted for the second part due to the decline of visiting all of those doctors coming up in November. We had been given that option early in the year, but Covid prevented us from traveling out of state to see those doctors. I sent a letter to the FAA to let them know what I was doing. I received a letter about a month ago that stated that I still needed to visit those doctors or something like that. I honestly didn’t look through it that well because it’s just such a pain in the butt.

Another thing about you 2020 is that you provided me with he opportunity to meet amazing people. I began to watch The Umbrella Academy in September, but I decided to make my account on October 1st. I’ve met tons of funny and talented people on here. The show itself had provided me tons of comfort. It has given me the courage to start writing fanfiction for it along with starting back up on drawing fanart

The end of 2020 has slowed down for me. One of my aviation heroes died this year, Mr. Chuck Yeager. It was heartbreaking for me to hear that. One of the worst days for me was ironically on my birthday in December. I felt really bitter and down and just wanted to sit in my room, but I didn’t. I don’t like celebrating my birthday anymore. As I get older it feels less and less special and in turn I feel sad about it. Another reason why is that I don’t like having a fuss made about it. I don’t like the attention from it haha. It’s okay though because even though this year I felt upset I eventually felt a bit happier as it turned to night. 

This year I witnessed history being made. Let me be clear that history is made every year, but this year was very eventful. I witnessed innocent black lives being slaughtered by the very people who are sworn to protect everyone. It’s so disappointing and soul crushing to see all of this. I don’t know if I’ve made it clear on here, but I strongly stand with the BLM movement. I may not understand what they haven been going through for decades, but I stand with them to make things right. Black Lives Matter, not All Lives. All Lives only matter when it’s actually true and Black Lives are included. If you saw a house on fire in an entire block of houses, you wouldn’t say “All Houses Matter!” No they don’t, that house on fire matters. Black Lives Fucking Matter, and All Cops Are Bastards.

To you, the Pledge of Allegiance. Everyday in elementary school I proudly held my right hand over my heart as I stared up at Old Glory and recited you. This year helped me realize that “With liberty and justice for all.” is total bullshit. The only thing I truly appreciate about my country now is the scenery and nature it provides. 

To you 2020, as I finish writing this letter on December 31st. You’ve made me cry a lot, including right now. You’ve deeply effected my life and brought me lots of sorrow. Despite all of this, I don't feel upset about you. Yes, you gave me some events that will always haunt me but that’s okay. 2020 even though you’ve hurt me, you’ve also shaped me. Yes, you also made my lose faith in my country and humanity, but I can only hope for the best. You’ve pushed me to become a better version of myself. 

So to you 2020, you’ve been a hell of a year. I’ve hated and loved you, but mostly hated you. I went through some shit, but others have gone through worse this year. To those of you who have had a very hard time this year, I love you. I sincerely hope things get better for you. Friend or stranger, you can always rely on me as someone to talk to, to rant or vent to, and to cry to. This year was excruciating, but don’t give up. It has ended and a new year has begun. Sure 2021 may also be bad and we’re all exhausted from 2020, but let’s fight till the end. 

[dailyexo]

[NEWS] Baekhyun - 190310 Allure: “How EXO's Baekhyun Put His Identity into Privé Alliance”

"Allure's Devon Abelman sat down with the K-pop star during his first-ever solo appearance in the U.S to discuss how he defines beauty and style on his own terms.

BY DEVON ABELMAN

If I didn't know who Baekhyun was before meeting him in February, I would have thought he was just a random handsome dude I met at a nightclub while on vacation in Los Angeles.

As he politely tells a roving cater waiter offering us mini cannolis, "No thank you," I find myself believing that Baekhyun truly is that guy. I'm fully aware of his claim to fame, but he doesn't look or act the part. For starters, Baekhyun's lids aren't defined with expertly blended smoky eyes, and his lips aren't stained with a raspberry lip tint. Those tell-tale signs of a man with his job description are noticeably missing. Not a single stroke of eyeliner or fleck of glitter is in sight, either (honestly, to my dismay). A part of me hoped we'd bond over our eye makeup.

Makeup aside, Baekhyun carries himself with a quiet confidence that is so unassuming that he seems weirdly familiar and incredibly normal compared to the influencers, actors, and singers milling around us in the private VIP area. He never acts like he's better or more important than any other person there. Instead, he has the affability of the construction worker who waves to me every morning on my way to work rather than the larger-than-life bearing of a superstar from Seoul who effortlessly hits high notes while simultaneously performing powerful choreography. During our interview, I felt like I should ask him about his dog instead of his skin-care routine. If I didn't know who Baekhyun was, I would have wondered why I was interviewing him for Allure at all.

Baekhyun's wavy hair reminds me why this article exists on the Internet and not solely as a story I recount to my friends over text messages. Parted in the middle and styled to have a wet look, his auburn ends are relics of internationally beloved K-pop group EXO's most recent concept. His hair, for all intents and purposes, is the reason why we ended up sitting together in a cushy booth in the back corner of the dimly lit VIP section of a club on a Tuesday night. Trust me, neither of us frequent this fine L.A. establishment, located next to the Museum of Death. You won't even catch me in a club when I'm at home in Brooklyn. To put it bluntly, I'm only in this club talking to a nice guy because he's a member of EXO.

The EXO Connection

If this is your introduction to Baekhyun, please know that EXO is a Big Deal. Among their long list of awards and chart-topping accomplishments, the nine-member group performed at the 2018 Pyeongchang Olympics and has racked up more than 100 million views on each of their music videos on YouTube.

By extension, Baekhyun — full name Byun Baekhyun, age 26 — is a Big Deal, too. In addition to being a talented performer with 14.5 million Instagram followers, his bright dye jobs, innovative hairstyles, and experimental eye makeup have sparked beauty trends in K-pop since EXO debuted in 2012. You can, more or less, blame him for the influx of mullets and red-streaked black hair among other idols and thank him for the proliferation of red eye shadow. No matter how controversial or dramatic the looks Baekhyun tries are, he always pulls them off with ease and joviality.

Back to Baekhyun's auburn hair, though. Like most K-pop stars, he constantly undergoes vibrant dye jobs in hues, like pink, silver, and platinum, to fit the group's concepts. For "Love Shot," EXO's latest music video, he paired his newly burgundy hair with a glimmering eye shadow of the same shade and sooty black liner. Now his look is an extremely streamlined version of this.

His current lack of makeup may be a stark contrast from the bold eye looks he typically wears onstage and in music videos, but his skin is just as dewy as ever with the help of a nearly undetectable layer of foundation. His brows are probably lightly filled in, too, but I could be reaching. If anything, Baekhyun's wearing the standard amount of makeup for celebrity men. Just enough to amplify his glow, not enough to make a statement.

Baekhyun's glow is due in part to a consistent regimen; he lists toner, lotion, and moisturizer as the official order. But how many times do you wash your face, I ask, causing a couple of people in the human bubble of managers, publicists, and security guards surrounding us to laugh. Baekhyun ignores their snickers and answers, "Two," in English. (That's right, double cleansing is no laughing matter.) "If I wash my face too many times, I get skin troubles," he adds.

Baekhyun says he hasn't changed up the steps of his skin-care routine in L.A., or ramped up the number of sheet masks he uses. With EXO constantly traveling for concerts and events, "My skin gets used to the environment," he says. "So wherever I am, I use the same skin-care routine."

The Privé Connection

In hindsight, I should have anticipated Baekhyun would present himself in this low-key manner for his first-ever solo appearance in the U.S. In Privé campaigns, he's usually seen as he is now: natural, casual, effortlessly cool. His makeup is minimal; his natural-colored hair looks like all he did was run his hand through it; his outfits are sleek. With all this in mind, I ask him if he could dye his hair any color for the next campaign, what would it be.

How did I end up interviewing Baekhyun in a club, you ask? Let's go back to May 2018. Baekhyun made it onto Vogue's home page when he was named the co-creative director of streetwear brand Privé Alliance. Alongside Danyl Geneciran, the brand's CEO, Baekhyun helps create pieces that "put highlights on the basics," Baekhyun explains to me. He later reveals that he's surprised that almost all of his ideas have been executed.

My favorite part of Privé is how its offerings have a certain fluidity to them, much like Baekhyun's onstage persona. None of Privé's shirts, jackets, and bags are confined to overtly masculine or feminine silhouettes, and the same designs are available for men and women. "It's very important to have everyone be able to wear the clothes comfortably," Baekhyun explains. "Without any official communication, we agreed that [Privé Alliance] is going to be unisex."

With the newest Privé Alliance collection launching in April, the brand invited the public to join Baekhyun for a fashion presentation. The location: the very club we are sitting in. Although he doesn't act like he is (he kept to himself for most of the event), Baekhyun is undoubtedly the center of attention. He is the reason the floor below us is with filled with people from all over the world. Everyone's here to see Baekhyun, not the latest Privé pieces.

The Identity Connection

This is the only question Baekhyun doesn't answer concisely and without hesitation. "I don't know," he says in English. After taking a couple of seconds to think about it, he adds in Korean, "I love the black," adding "simple" in English.

This single word — simple — perfectly mirrors Baekhyun's personal aesthetic. "Basics, but with many little details," he explains. "It’s like you just came out of your house, but it’s still cool." In other words, he's the epitome of "Oh, this old thing? I just threw it on." I ask if he prefers to keep his hair and makeup natural and low-key, too, and he quickly replies, "yes, yes," in Korean.

The fact that Prive's aesthetic is similar to Baekhyun's is intentional. "I put my identity and myself into this collection," he tells me, echoing a line he shared when he made a brief appearance onstage before the fashion presentation commenced. The theme of the collection was his birth year, 1992, with zip-up corduroy jackets and hoodies adorned with '92 in big text.

Another adage he repeats throughout the night is, "Be brave. Be humble." The same words are printed all over the collared white satin shirt he's wearing, layered under a similar navy blue one. After the event, I saw people saying the look recalled EXO's "Lotto" era, back in 2016 when his hair was styled in a similar way and he wore collared shirts with several of the top buttons undone and silver necklaces. Onyx shadow was blended all over his lids back then, though. Fans likened Baekhyun's look that night to a mafia boss. (Seeing those tweets made me laugh, because his charm is far from disarming.) But for Baekhyun, his outfit is more a matter of comfort. "I like how silky it feels," he says. I go on to compare it to pajamas, which makes him chuckle.

Baekhyun doesn't ignore the fact that he typically presents himself with intricate details. Performing, he points out, is his go-to form of self-expression, outside of working with Privé. And let's be real, Baekhyun's performances, which ooze confidence and allure, wouldn't be the same without his stunning hair and makeup.

To borrow a word from Baekhyun, identity — and the way we present ourselves — isn't fixed. For example, the way my best friend describes my identity could be strikingly different from the way my sisters would. The way I dress when I'm going to get a bagel on a Saturday morning (track pants and a T-shirt) is different from how I dress for work (vintage floral dresses) or an event like this (a blue-and-white plaid suit). The way I do my colorful makeup is also evolving, too.

We often see K-pop stars in narrow, controlled situations, though, so we know and define them according to what we're able to see. I'm as guilty of this as the next person, i.e., assuming Baekeyun would show up with eyeliner as bold as my own. When you take a K-pop star out of a K-pop setting, a different side of them is revealed. They no longer have to adhere to a group aesthetic, just their own. We get a glimpse of Baekhyun's at the airport and in the selfies he posts on Instagram, but Privé Alliance has given him a platform to truly show his identity on his own terms.

At that club, I felt like I was being introduced to Baekhyun all over again. Back when I watched EXO's music video for "Monster" the first time, I saw him as part of a carefully crafted package; the second time, I saw him the way he sees himself."

Photo links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Credit: Allure.

[chuckpnla]

Pandemified

The Present

Over three months ago when I left the office on a Thursday, I intended to work from home for “a week or two.”  That was the thought I had as I looked back at my newly renovated office and looked at the new tablet on my desk, thinking, “I’ll be back in a few days, I won’t need it.”  

A month passed, my husband and I started doing projects at home.  His company paid the entire staff full pay the entire time, even though they couldn’t go to work.  They were incredible, but it was a little worrisome to think of how long they could or would decide to continue the practice.  Those projects were deliberate on my part to provide a productive focus for both of us.  There were a number of things, lighting, a bigger TV, furniture, the patio, and several more, all designed to improve the comfort and appearance of our home.  It worked.  

My husband and friends had moments of uncertainty, as we all did.  

The Perspective

I’ve seen a lot of unprecedented, world changing events in my life.  To many, this was the first “Pandemic” they were really aware of.  But for a gay man, who came out during the height of the AIDS crisis, before any effective medication, it is not.  At 18 I moved to LA for college.  During High School I had both a boyfriend and a girlfriend and truly did not understand my sexuality.  Society equates sexuality with sex, but it is really about feelings. So, sex for me didn’t have an exclusive link to the other person’s gender, and because sex alone was society’s measure of sexuality, I was confused.  I came to understand that I’m just gay, period.  Because i feel complete sharing my life with a man.  

When I came out it wasn’t a big announcement.  It was more repeated attempts to bond with one person, some men, some women.  One therapist called it, “serial monogamy.”  During the time, sex was very scary.  The idea being that you were at risk for HIV and if you became positive, there was no effective treatment and a high percentage of people with HIV were dying.  HIV became politicized quickly.  “President” Reagan seemed to deliberately ignore the pandemic, and even mocked people who were sick, even though his own son is gay.  It was brutal to watch.  “Gay Rights,” as it was called at the time, no initials added just yet, had made enormous progress to that point in our culture, and this event set us back decades.  

Some History

The stigma of HIV extended to all gay men, not just those that were positive.  We were viewed by many, in the larger culture, as lepers.  They assumed every gay man had the virus and their ignorance and fear fueled their prejudices.  It increased the difficulty of coming out, because many didn’t want a gay man around for fear they’d somehow become infected.  I remember many conversations where someone expressed that fear and my glib reply was, “Unless you’re sleeping with him, I’m pretty confident you’re safe, so I wouldn’t worry...”  Discrimination in housing, jobs, social settings, and more was rampant and people felt “justified.”  Things like dentists wore masks and gloves for the first time to “protect themselves.”  The idiotic premise that magically disappeared as the pandemic became less a part of public consciousness.

The Change

When CO-19 started, it was far away.  A city in China was quarantined.  It reminded me of SARS, also a “corona virus,” which happened during a period in my life where I was traveling on planes every week.  People from other countries were wearing masks on the plane, but not us.  It seemed excessive.  It was concerning to be next to someone on a plane who was coughing and had symptoms, but that happens all the time.  I’ve had bronchitis and even pneumonia during this period, getting little rest and being exposed to all sorts of things on planes and hotels and being in different cities every week.  But, I took care of myself, went to the doctor and recovered.  

You can’t be a gay man over 40 and not have some knowledge of virology.  You also have knowledge of minimizing risk.  The idea that something as important as sex was as dangerous as it was for the first decade of my adulthood for me was a great teacher.  I have known many gay men during that time who decided not to have sex at all.  I found this sad, but respected their decision.  Sex is life-affirming and necessary for me, so I followed the recommendations, until I was in a monogamous relationship.  I’m still negative even after three long term relationships with HIV positive men.  

So, I stayed home.  I work about 60 hours a week, and it was fantastic to delete the commute from that equation.  My husband was home for 3 months and we have yet to celebrate our first wedding anniversary, so that time together was amazing.  We have made our home as comfortable and attractive as possible.  This matters.  To have options for places to go at home, different spaces for different activities.  If you work at home, you have to be able to “get away” from work.  Even if that is a corner where you work, only do work in that area, when you walk away from it, you are no longer “at work.”  

My company always had an ambivalent attitude about working remotely.  Personally, I really care about the people I’ve worked with for over two decades and like to see them in person, work with them live, and even eat together, most days breakfast and lunch.  Some of us have traveled all over the world together.  So being apart is a loss.  The corporate world can be a swirl of opinions, attitudes, changes, and plans.  The traditional way to understand ones place is to being around, to interact with people, and to share information.  Being physically distant makes this less possible.  

Adapt

So we adapt.  My counterpart at the office and I had breakfast together nearly every day for years, and we now do a call every couple of days.  My boss and I have a weekly call and talk every couple of days.  My husband is back at work on a limited schedule, so I plan my day around when we can be together.  

We have food delivered, which costs a few bucks more, but is pretty cool.  I have driven exactly twice during the quarantine.  I’ve left the house about once a week on average, with a mask, and social distancing.  The cats are thrilled to have us around.  

Unlike HIV, we as gay men, are not stigmatized, this pandemic affects everyone equally.  We are in it together.  I’m not surprised by all the conspiracy theories and the resistance to basic, common sense ways to protect oneself.  It’s a very strange experience and people try to make sense of it however they can.  Denial is not a surprise to me.  But like HIV, it’s hard to be willing but simple to protect oneself.  

Rumors, Theories, Fears

The most important thing to know about conspiracy theories is, if you can’t prove it, it literally doesn’t matter.  If it makes you feel better to believe it, that’s OK.  We can drive ourselves crazy trying to distill the truth and the facts out of all the ideas, exaggerations, “statistics” and “news.”  But, those of us who survived the AIDS crisis had one, very simple, idea to deal with all of that.  We assumed every person we would be intimate with was positive.  They could be positive and lie, they could be positive and not know, they could be positive and not be willing to talk about it.  So asking that question was meaningless, you had to take responsibility for yourself, and act accordingly.   CO-19 is the same in this way, you do not know who is infected, and they may or may not know either.  So act accordingly and take care of yourself.  Period.  This nullifies politics, fake news, exaggerations, and denial.  It’s simple.  

Action

We do not know what is next, but here’s something to consider.  Fear and denial are the biggest enemies to happiness.  We are all going to have moments of doubt and fear in our lives, regardless of things that affect us globally.  The way we respond is the difference between depression and despair, and hope.  Action is the best solution I have found.  Creating projects at home, keeping in touch with family more closely, learning to work well from home, if possible.  My husband started a weekly call with his best friends and they have been getting together on a call every Friday since the beginning, screen sharing and gaming together.  I’ve done every project, including new plants and furniture on our patio and a water feature, to make a safe place to go outside.  Be creative, what is important to you?  Who can you help?  How can you connect with the people in your life who aren’t with you right now?  We...have...options.  Forget the politics, pay less attention to the “news.”  Don’t ignore it, but get the facts that concern you and leave the rest.  You will feel better.  Avoid drama and exaggeration about what is happening.  Make your own life better, act as if you don’t know who is infected, and focus on protecting yourself with the basics, mask, wash your hands, don’t touch your face, and live your life.   Namaste

[bluescreening]

Things You Can Do To Save The World

It’s easy to feel like you’re no longer in control. When people say these are uncertain times they are right - we’re living through history. We’re surviving. And despite everything, there are still some things you can do to make things better. Even if you’re just helping yourself survive, that’s one life you’ve saved. Here are some definite actions you can take to help, in order of priority from high to low. I’ve tried to minimize costs, but if you have any spare money at all please donate it to a worthy cause.

Follow your local coronavirus rules. And if your local rules are vague or non-existent, here are the UK guidelines which I believe are fairly safe. Don’t go to unnecessary shops, try to order online if possible. Only go to work if you can remain 2m from your coworkers at all times. Wear a mask if you’re going inside with other people (e.g. supermarket, public transport). You can meet with up to 6 people from other households so long as you’re outside and 2m apart at all times. Wash your hands when you get home.

Self-care. I know this one sounds silly and frivolous, but you can’t help anyone if you haven’t helped yourself. If you’re feeling anxious, take some time to de-stress, stay away from the news and use whatever techniques help you to calm down. If you can, it’s important to get up and get dressed every day. Keep the house clean, eat healthily, exercise (I’ve found yoga particularly helpful) and find a routine. If you’re going to save anyone, save yourself first.

Check in on friends. When you are mentally able, keep up to date with everyone. Schedule video calls, watch movies together, play video games, randomly message them with a weirdly deep question, anything to spark conversation. It’s too easy to fall into the trap of isolation - the internet may be a poor substitute for real interaction but it’s helping you through this. If it’s safe to do so, visit your friends while socially distancing. Of course you may not feel like doing this every day, and it’s OK to take a break. Just make sure you’re checking up once every 3 or 4 days on another human being. Don’t lose that connection. Also, if you and your household aren’t at risk, consider volunteering to help in community quarantine groups. You can deliver food, support and provide connection to those living alone.

Spread the news. So you can’t donate to a cause because you’re broke, or you’re young enough that you don’t have a job (like me!). There is still something you can use against the racist, ignorant government. Your voice. Social media is a powerful tool, my friends. Even if you cannot protest and you cannot donate, you might get the word out to someone who can. Bear in mind that everything you post online is permanent, and that what you say might come back to bite you, so word your writing carefully.

Learn. If, like me, you find yourself with a lot of free time, the best way you can spend it is self-improvement. Open University has some great free courses (intermediate is about GCSE standard) about a range of different topics. You could catch up on your reading list or prepare for next year’s studies. You could get a hobby - some which you don’t need many materials for are drawing, writing and roleplaying games for example (see Roll20 for free online tabletop RPGs!). Most importantly, you could use this time for some valuable introspection. 

And that about sums up my list. If I have any further ideas I’ll add them to this post. I plan to make a separate post about how to be environmentally friendly during a global pandemic, which I’ll also link. Have hope, people. You are strong enough to make it through. I promise there is life on the other side of this.

[queengeekrose]

My silent struggle

I have a secret.  It’s one no one, not even my own family, who lives in the same house with me, has figured out, until very recently when I talked to them and told them, and it’s one I’m not proud of.  It’s time I talked about it.

It’s not exactly a secret that I’m overweight.  I have been my whole life.  I was even a very large newborn.  I get it.  And with my other health restrictions, I can’t exactly get a lot of exercise or move around a lot.  I have never been a gym rat or a fitness queen.  Everyone who knows me knows this.  Having asthma didn’t help these matters any either -- it’s hard to get excited about trying to do something that makes it hard to breathe.  I was also never particularly gifted at most sports or coordinated.  Let’s call a spade a spade here.  I’m clumsy and some of the other things going on in my life made that worse.  Anyway, I’m not athletic.  I don’t exercise much.  It’s hard for me to lose weight.  So I’ve always been called fat or chubby, or tubby, or plump (one of the kinder ones, usually by friends parents), or round, or rolly polly, or chunky, or some other, less than kind way of saying the same thing.  I mean ALWAYS.  It started when I was three, for fucks sake, going to a storytime at a public library, and other kid asked who the new fat girl was.  It beat me down and wore on me, year after year, decade after decade, become an ingrained part of who I was, what made me feel bad about myself in some way. 

It’s also not a secret I struggle with major depressive disorder.  Or PTSD.  Both of them are major factors in my life at this point and getting them diagnosed and starting treatment for them has helped me a lot.  I still have bad periods, like I’m going through now, where things just seem like an endless struggle to do the most basic tasks, but I know I can get through this because I have before.  My mental health will always be a factor in my life, I suspect, just because I have been through so much, even if the rest of my life were to suddenly be all sweetness and light.  Actually, that would probably make me a bit mistrustful too, just because of some of my history, but that’s a story for another time.  Today we are focusing on something more important.

Anyway, depression, self-image, a heft dose of self doubt, a smattering of self-hatred for being overweight for so long, and me, listening to some of those voices from my past, telling me I wasn’t worth the effort, the time, the expense, the love, the FOOD, ended with me silently spinning into a cycle of self abuse.  At first, it was things like literally picking at scars, cuts, or my skin until I bled, as close to cutting as I ever got.  Then, when I realized what I was doing, and I was diagnosed as a diabetic, and was forced to change my diet, I stopped.  Diabetics are more prone to getting infections because we heal slower and our body can be more at risk, so I decided it wasn’t worth it.  Instead, I decided to make a different change.  Now, please, keep in mind, none of this was actually done with me consciously thinking about it.  My brain just decided it would be the best way to handle things without me really making a choice that I knew of, other than to alter my diet to eat a more diabetic friendly diet.  I thought I was just cutting out sugars and carbs.  What I was really doing was starting down a very slippery slope.  One I’m still struggling on today, four years later.

The decision to cut carbs and sugar seemed easy for me.  I had a lot more willpower than I realized it seemed and suddenly I was just avoiding a lot of foods entirely and my blood sugar came under control in no time flat.  It amazed the doctors.  They had to take me off ALL the medicines, insulin included, except the very minimal maintenance medicine I still take now.  My blood sugars and long term blood sugars (A1C’s) measure more like someone who is not diabetic at all, most of the time, well below 100 daily (and below 5.8 for my A1C).  In other words, I no longer needed to maintain that super tight control and even push further.  My initial A1C had been very high, partly due to an infection, which as I understand it, often throws your body off, and I didn’t know I was diabetic at the time, so I hadn’t been taking very good care of myself either.  Now, I was doing better and going to the doctor, getting things checked, and trying to make a positive, or so I thought, change in my life.  I was even losing some weight!  That was an unexpected bonus. 

Now, as some of you no doubt know, at the same time I was diagnosed diabetic, my legs started giving out on me, due to an unrelated neurological condition.  The doctors have spent several years, countless procedures, and innumerable hours looking at me, my medical charts, going over my spine (they did multiple spinal taps and MRI’s), my legs (nerve biopsy, nerve conduction study, and countless tests of every sort imaginable), and even just focusing on my feet.  They found that the nerves were dead and dying from the inside out, but couldn’t find the cause (and the way they were dying, perfectly evenly on both legs, was extremely odd).  I definitely had something wrong, but they were all stumped.  Oh, and I had a VERY severely crushed spine that I hadn’t known about, probably from a car crash many years ago.  So I was told I needed to use a wheelchair whenever I was outside the house, so I didn’t fall, and even in the house, I should be careful.  My legs can randomly give out on me.  This didn’t help my mental well being, as it seemed like the doctors were kind of just giving up on me, saying “Oh, well.  Yeah, there’s something wrong, but we don’t know what.  Too bad for you.  Hope it gets better.  We’ll be interested to watch, if you let us.”

That was really the beginning of the dark times in my mental struggles.  I became passively suicidal.  I stopped eating almost completely and was often nauseous when I did eat.  I didn’t realize at the time what that was the beginnings of.  What I was starting to struggle with.  What I am still, two and a half, nearly three, years later, still struggling daily with.  ANOREXIA.  To look at me you wouldn’t think I had that problem.  I’m still overweight.  But here’s the thing, you can’t tell by looking at someone what’s going on in their head, heart, or body, most of the time.  I have had several extended family members struggle with anorexia, but I don’t think anyone in our family ever even thought I might be close, even when I said I hadn’t been eating.  No one paid attention.  I was giving them subtle warning signs, looking back, but the red flags all went unnoticed and flew under the radar.  I don’t blame them.  It took me a long time to realize I had been doing this to myself. 

So now my real work begins.  I need to find a way to somehow cope that isn’t so self destructive.  Hopefully, this time around things will be a little easier, as far as that goes.  Some of my stressors are gone.  My life is still rough and rocky, but such is the nature of life.  Some people just have more of an uphill battle than others.  I just wish mine were less of a mountain to climb at times.  And I know some of this is self-inflicted now, but it was never my intention to do this to myself, or to anyone in my family.  I now have to try extra hard to remember to eat everyday, and not skip, just because that’s what seems easier, and more what I want to do.  I can’t say it felt bad losing over 40 pounds in a year, even without much exercise, but that should have been a clue to everyone too, I think.  Even for someone who’s very overweight, that a lot.

Well, I’ve rambled long enough today.  I just wanted to get this out here.  If anyone is going through something and needs to talk, my DM’s are open, and I do have a Discord.  Send me a message and I can send you a link.  Depression, mental health, and eating disorders are all heavy stuff, but they need talked about.  I’m a firm believer that by keeping this stuff in shadowy back corners, we give it more power.  Bringing it into the light helps people and takes the stigma away.  It helps more people understand it too.  ANY ONE can suffer from an eating disorder.  ANY ONE can struggle with mental health.  You never know.  People wear masks in public to hide their innermost thoughts and feelings, so we don’t know what’s going on inside.  Sometimes reaching out is all someone needs.  Don’t be afraid to reach out if you need help, or to reach out if you think someone needs it.

Peace Folks. <3

[livinginlandmarketing]

Freshman Bailey Cabrera never imagined a pandemic would force her to begin her first year of college at the University of Redlands from her Bakersfield bedroom.

But when the university opened its dorms in January for spring semester, she jumped at the chance to move on campus. 

“I wanted to get as much of a college experience that I could, no matter how modified,” said Cabrera, 18. “… Now, living on campus, I feel more like an adult, with higher expectations and responsibilities.”

But with Inland Empire universities mostly shuttered for in-person classes, students like Cabrera who live on campus are having to adjust to a lonelier, socially distant, “ghost town” college experience.

Many Inland universities — including UC Riverside, the University of Redlands, Cal Poly Pomona and Cal State San Bernardino — have scaled back their dorms and residence halls to less than half capacity in hopes of curbing the spread of COVID-19. Gone is the tradition of a college roommate, as students now live alone to minimize their exposure. Students take classes from laptops in their rooms. Wearing masks, they eat together spaced out in quads. And some schools have added a new ritual for students — regular coronavirus tests.

UC Riverside first-year students Luis Sandoval, 18, left, Marjorie Serrano, 18, middle, and Miezue Primo, 18, finger paint as they interact with their resident adviser via Zoom at Pentland Hills Residence Hall on Oct. 12, 2020. (Photo courtesy of Stan Lim, UC Riverside)

Rajbeer Sahi, a registered nurse for UC Riverside’s Student Health Services, looks to make sure a coronavirus test is done properly by student Christian Arguelles on Sept. 28, 2020, at the Pentland Bear Cave. The test requires the subject to extract saliva and place it into a tube. (Photo courtesy of Stan Lim, UC Riverside)

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Resident adviser Thomas Valenzuela, checks in with first-year student Prabhnoor “Noor” Kaur on Zoom from his room at Pentland Hills Residence Hall on Oct. 12, 2020. Resident advisers such as Valenzuela are finding ways to interact with students safely during the pandemic. (Photo courtesy of Stan Lim, UC Riverside)

UC Riverside student Christian Arguelles takes a COVID-19 test Sept. 28, 2020, at the Pentland Bear Cave. (Photo courtesy of Stan Lim, UC Riverside)

First-year students line up to receive paint supplies from their resident adviser Thomas Valenzuela at Pentland Hills Residence Hall on Oct. 12, 2020. Valenzuela did a finger-painting activity with his students through Zoom as a way to interact with them safely. (Photo courtesy of Stan Lim, UC Riverside)

UC Riverside student Killian Andrews, 18, interacts with resident adviser Thomas Valenzuela and other students through Zoom from his room at Pentland Hills Residence Hall on Oct. 12, 2020. (Photo courtesy of Stan Lim, UC Riverside)

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The few who live on Inland campuses are a diverse group, but include athletes, those whose homes are far away, students with campus jobs, and those with specific needs or who have learning issues at home.

After mostly switching to online courses when the pandemic struck in March, some colleges, including UC Riverside and the Cal State universities, began to slowly reopen some facilities as the 2020-21 school year started.

At Redlands, campus residents are down from 1,600 in a typical year to about 600 now, according to university spokeswoman Jennifer Dobbs.

UC Riverside has nearly 2,000 students in three residence halls this quarter — far fewer than the more than 7,000 students living in campus residence halls, apartments and family housing during a normal school year, according to housing staff.

Cal State San Bernardino has about 200 students in two apartment villages, down from the usual 1,700 residents. And Cal Poly Pomona, which typically houses 4,000 students, has about 270 undergraduates in suites and apartments this semester, staff said.

Bailey Cabrera, 18, is a freshman at the University of Redlands and a vocal music education major. While living alone on campus during the coronavirus pandemic, she enjoys singing and playing music in her makeshift dorm room studio. (Photo courtesy of Bailey Cabrera)

For Cabrera, in addition to her seven classes on Zoom, the vocal music education major practices trumpet and piano from a makeshift “recording studio” — the extra bed in her dorm room. She and friends in the ensemble choir sometimes meet off campus to practice, socially distant, while wearing masks.

Music, she says, keeps her motivated while in solitude. She also enjoys caring for her room’s growing plant collection.

“It’s different for sure, but (it) brings a different kind of joy in the lockdown,” Cabrera said.

At Cal Poly, Hazar Eldick, a junior liberal studies major from Irvine, still remembers having to move out of her school’s new residence halls when classes went fully online.

“The energy was kind of sad,” she said. 

Eldick, 21, was excited to move back on campus in fall as a resident adviser. She takes classes and stays virtually involved with her sorority. Such community, she said, has given her a sense of normalcy that “most students don’t have now.”

“Things stopped and it was like, wow, I have so much time with myself,” she said. “I had to learn to be OK with that, find ways to stay connected, take care of myself and fulfill my social needs. But it’s hard because going to class can sometimes be your only social fix.”

Inland students follow similar rules, including a no-visitor policy, wearing masks when outside their rooms, no eating in dining halls, and staying 6 feet apart when dining outside in the quad and campus common areas.

Coronavirus testing can be campus routine

The pandemic has also added an extra step to housing procedures: coronavirus screening and testing.

Inland universities have their own versions of online daily health surveys, in which students living on campus must check in — via their school’s website or through an app — and report symptoms. Health officials monitor the responses for possible COVID-19 symptoms, and anyone who tests positive must follow procedures, including contact tracing or possible quarantine.

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The University of Redlands requires weekly tests. It partners with the San Bernardino County Department of Public Health to offer COVID-19 nasal swab testing on campus. In addition to daily health assessments through a smartphone app, students are supposed to report up to three “close contacts,” with whom they don’t need to wear masks while in their residence hall.

Neither Inland Cal State school has testing requirements, but students are encouraged to get tested regularly and must complete daily online health assessments to enter campus. Of the Inland Cal States, only Cal Poly Pomona offers on-site testing, administered by school staff.

Nick Leiva, 21, a fourth-year political science major at UC Riverside, is a campus resident adviser in the East Lothian hall. He says playing music and working out in his dorm room helps make campus life feel as normal as possible, even in a pandemic. (Photo courtesy of Nick Leiva)

UC Riverside has the strictest policies. Students test twice a week at “spit-and-go” stations, where they spit into a plastic pipette tube and give it to a staff member. The process, including check-in, takes one minute. Students can get results, processed at the campus COVID-19 laboratory, the same day. Lab staff can process up to 900 saliva samples a day.

“It’s the easiest and most efficient way,” Senior Administrative Director William Rall said. “If you did nasal tests twice a week, just think about the scars.”

UCR senior Nick Leiva, 21, agreed that spit-and-go testing is “a lot less uncomfortable,” and is something to which he and other students eventually became accustomed.

Leiva, who works as a resident adviser at the Lothian residence hall, said enforcing the rules — which include making sure people wear masks, stay socially distant and hold no private gatherings or parties in dorm rooms — comes easier when residents understand the implications of living on campus during a global pandemic.

“I know that when I first started college, I wanted to live in the dorms so bad,” said Leiva. “The fact that these students are choosing to do that during these times really speaks to the desire for adulthood and a feel for college life… I see it as my job to make them feel welcome and safe here.”

Students find community on campus

Though day-to-day campus life looks different these days, students say prioritizing “self-care” hobbies — such as meditation and exercise — and finding community keeps them going, even while pent up indoors. They’ve joined virtual club meetings and events, found friends to grab lunch with outside between classes and gradually established a routine in the quiet.

Hazar Eldick, a 21-year-old junior liberal studies major at Cal Poly Pomona, has lived on campus all three years. She wanted the full college experience, even during the coronavirus pandemic. (Photo courtesy of Hazar Eldick)

Jon Merchant, interim director for housing and residential education at Cal State San Bernardino, said it’s important to give students a “normal experience” as best as they can — knowing that nothing about the past year has been normal.

Reyes Luna, interim executive director and director of residence life and university housing services at Cal Poly Pomona, agreed that campuses are doing their best “to build engagement in a virtual world.”

Eldick, the Cal Poly student, said that living on a typically bustling campus with less than 300 others for the past few months has allowed students to get to know each other much faster, and to “get creative with how we spend time together.”

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She likes to skateboard with friends and hike to hideaway spots — such as the school’s iconic hilltop “Cal Poly Pomona letters” — around campus.

“Our campus is usually so crowded and busy, but I’ve been noticing more of its natural beauty when it’s empty,” Eldick said. “It’s very peaceful.”

Leiva said that, between a rigorous class and work schedule, he finds ways to exercise through his ROTC program. He said it’s all about “making the best out of the situation,” especially with the lack of social or extracurricular events. As a resident assistant, he enjoys hosting virtual programs with students, such as watching movies or teaching arts-and-crafts through Zoom.

“I’ve still been able to make good connections, even if it’s all virtual,” he said. “That’s what makes it all worth it.”

-on February 10, 2021 at 04:58AM by Allyson Escobar

[beheadingofmakai]

‘That’

A mutually self-indulgent gift for my friend, @moogiorin, fellow acolyte of similar tastes and appropriate standards, as congratulations for finishing his move. Based on a conversation we had regarding this and this. 2,396 words.

Sealing order, inspection slip, haunted house negotiation, public event security detail, another sealing order, and three different XCG-747-6 pink and yellows that need to be filled and filed before the day ends. Your job’s never been easy, but most of the time, it’s out there, in the field, in the streets, where things are happening, where your wits and calm discipline are needed to make quick decisions, not behind a desk, swamped under an interminable monolith of paperwork and stamps. You feel that if your wrist had hands of its own, its own wrists would be as tired as yours is from strangling you for putting it under this sort of labor. Six and a half hours, and you haven’t stopped for one second, sans the seventeen seconds it took you to produce a new piece of chewing gum from your drawer. Your job’s never been easy, but you were unlucky enough to be assigned as “the paperwork slave” this period, and it couldn’t be a more dull task if it tried. You’ve seen molasses slowly crawling down a wall more extreme than any of this. Slugs moving might as well be Formula 1 if put next to what you’ve been doing these last three days.

Quite frankly, and to summarize all of this in one line instead of trying to give more lyricism and tears than it needs: It Sucks.

But you’ve never been one to complain. Oh no, your pencil, this boredom be damned, carves a trail of graphite through these forms. You can’t be stopped. You can’t be contained. You are the Bureaucracy Behemoth, the beginning of a legend that will be remembered in Headquarters for years to come! Or so you thought yesterday, but you are really, really biffed right now. You have come to a halt, a piddling speed that is equivalent to half of a grandma’s scooter. You can’t take this anymore.

And someone else in the room has noticed this.

“You’ve been awfully slow today, Chief. What happened to that bravado? That enthusiasm? Those promises of victory and triumph? It’s not like you to get battered by such lesser foes.”

Ah, crap. Just what you needed. Her.

You make a thumbs up and a hand gesture that would mean nothing to anyone except her, but she knows it stands for “no problem”. Her response comes in the form of a sweet, mocking chuckle that doesn’t believe either of your gestures, flustering you just a bit. You tell her it’s fine, you’ve been at it for three days now, there’s a lot of work left, but it’s certainly less than it was two days ago, you got it. Her response comes in the form of a sweeter, even more mocking chuckle, punctuated with an “uh-huh.” that makes you wanna turn, face her, and make a bet with her, as you always do. You know that the incentive of a bet would really help right now. You wouldn’t mind seeing her eat her words and, most importantly, her chuckles. It’s been that way with you both ever since the Academy days. But you can’t do that. You simply cannot do that today. You cannot face her, not today of all days.

Because she’s wearing that.

She’d only been on the corner of your eye, and you immediately averted your sight. You could tell instantly that it was that, and you simply didn’t dare look at her directly. “It could just have been something similar”, you entertained, but every time she moved, in this closed, not too big room, you heard its rubbery stretching and contracting, subtle yet impossibly loud to you, as her legs moved. You could hear how tight that was around her abundant thighs with each step she took, pressing against those soft, pale, bountiful legs. Oh, she was doing work, alright, walking from cabinet to cabinet, from drawer to drawer, but it was always in a circle around you. If you weren’t any wiser, you’d think this is just a coincidence, but you know better, you know this is entirely deliberate, a conscious patterns she knows drives you nuts, because you and her know one important, quintessential, key fact:

She holds your weaknesses. By the lord, she knows every single one of them to heart.

This wasn’t a workplace, this was a predator taunting her prey, a mental domination that crushed your every thought easily and trivially.

She always held that power over you.

You cough and mention something about a dress code. “You know we don’t have a dress code.” she whimsically replies with naught but the truth as she intentionally takes a long step, the rubbery spandex making those accursed sounds even more pronounced as it stretches against her thighs. Your office has always been hyper efficient thanks to you two, and one of the perks this has given you is that Headquarters doesn’t waste your time with surprise inspections. This means that, yes, she can wear that and it’s perfectly fine. It’s an ambivalent feeling, knowing you’ve done well enough to get this special treatment, yet knowing, at the same time, that this is the very reason as to why you were being tortured this way right now. A torture that felt asphyxiating, and yet, one that you wouldn’t trade for anything in the world, emotions that brought by yet another feeling of ambivalence by themselves. Just thinking about this puts you in a weird and flustered mood, so you simply chew your gum faster and harder to try and distract yourself.

“You seem really tired, Chief. Your pencil stopped moving a couple of minutes ago. Perhaps you are focused on something else?” she says with a tinge of knowing mockery in her voice, her face sporting a smug expression that you couldn’t see, but knew for sure it was there. The rubbery sound approaches you with each step, much to your horror, until you can feel her presence right next to you. Notably, and regrettably, right next to your face, just outside of your peripheral vision, you know that is there. So, so very close to your face. You can feel the warmth from her thighs and her characteristically sweet and intoxicating scent strongly. “Hm? No response? You won’t even look at me, huh~? That’s kinda rude, Chief, even if it’s you. I don’t think I can let you get away with that.”

Now, based on your experiences and your knowledge of your years-long partner, there’s two outcomes to what she just said: Option one is that she just stands there for a while, very close to you, knowing the exertion and pressure this puts on you, overwhelming you with her presence and scent until she’s satisfied mentally dominating you like this with a knowing grin on her face, fully aware that you are powerless against her. Option two, less likely but far more lethal and thus it can’t be ruled out, is that she does The Forbidden Maneuver. The FM, as you call it, is a special technique she doesn’t do all too often, which only helps make it even more devastating when she actually does perform it, and it consists on, simply put, sitting on your lap unannounced and making herself comfortable, nuzzling against your body with hers until she is fully content. Of course, she never is fully content, so it involves a lot of rubbing, pressing, and shifting, which usually spells doom for your attention and more so for whatever task it is you’re trying to accomplish. This she-devil knows the destructive power of this maneuver, so it is only for special occasions, such as when you win a bet against her and she’s feeling a bit rancorous about it. Either way, you brace yourself for either and then it turns out you were wrong and didn’t consider option three.

She sits on your lap, alright, but she doesn’t sit normally, no sir, she sits facing you. If there’s anything that can be described as simultaneously shameless and graceful in this world, that is definitely the way in which she is currently pressing her whole body against yours, chest to chest, crotch to crotch, and forehead to forehead. Her arms are lazily slung over your shoulders, and most alarmingly, her lips are pressed against yours. It’s not a kiss, they are ‘simply’ pressed together, her cocky smile and your overstimulated grimace, touching. She nuzzles and cuddles a bit, trying to find a more comfortable posture, still plastered fully against you, your eyes invaded by her vermilion own, your thoughts occupied entirely by her scent and warmth. “Well?” she whispers in a minuscule voice, lips rubbing. “Can you focus now?”. This makes you accidentally swallow your chewing gum.

You avert your eyes, but she follows them. You press yourself back against your chair to minimize bodily contact, but she counters by pressing harder and fully. The back of your chair might as well be the wall against which this predator has you cornered against, with zero possibility of you escaping her. Her scent is intoxicating, her soft and abundant thighs pressed against you, the rubbery sounds of latex from her biking shorts, which you can no longer afford to not acknowledge, as well as the shuffling sound of your clothes rubbing together has sent your mind into DEFCON 1, red alert, maximum danger, what have you. Her arms fully circle around your neck and press your faces softly but boldly, and she does the same with her legs around your waist, a demure expression on her face replacing the smug mask she had seconds prior. “Hey...” she whispers, but you don’t answer, trying to move your pencil hand to try to pretend you’re still working, that this isn’t assaulting every single one of your senses, “try” being the key word here, because it tricks neither of you. “Hey...” she whispers again, a bit higher, her hips rocking back and forth to a slow, pacific, agonizing rhythm. You can feel your composure, or whatever facsimile of a composure you like to believe you are tricking her with, melting. Things that aren’t her are starting to, quite frankly, not matter in the slightest, and if it’s the office, well, so be it, you are cornered this badly by the Forbidden Maneuver 2, might as well just admit defeat and indulge in this feast of the flesh. You drop the pencil, close your eyes, and wrap your arms around her curvaceous body, ready to return the favor, when you realize you didn’t catch a thing between your arms. She was gone. Her scent, warmth, and her lovely curves feel as if they were imprinted in your body, in your mind, and you can clearly feel her body still, even though she’s not there.

“...Pff! You were actually going to, huh? It’s my win, then!” her voice comes from behind your chair. She was always really flexible and agile, so it doesn’t surprise you at all that she managed to pull off a escape like that. “That’s no good, Chief.”

Your embarrassment cannot be put into words with any human language. You really were gonna do that. You really had surrendered to your desires like that... But then again, who couldn’t, when confronted with such titanic and overwhelming seduction from the person you trust the most in your life? From the person that not only holds your weakness, but that has also had your back since you were greenhorns? That has walked the walk with you since the days you both were inexperienced and foolish? That has contributed to both of your mutual successes as much as she has? Well, those are excuses, this is still the office, and even though there’s no dress code, there IS a conduct code: Your own morality. You sigh somewhat dejectedly, disappointed in yourself, when she repeats those words. “That’s no good, Chief. You really are exhausted. If you weren’t, you would’ve noticed I moved out of the way. Hell, you would’ve caught me. As your second-in-command, I forbid you from working anymore right now.”

Your eyes spring at her, and you can tell she means it. This is no mockery, no taunting, no playing around. She truly is concerned for you. “I’m not going to try and convince someone as stubbornly dutiful as you to just not do that frankly ridiculous amount of work, but I am asking you, not as your second-in-command, but as your friend, to put the pencil down and take a nap. You’ve not slept well at all the last few days, have you? Well, get to that! Come here.” 

You try to argue, but she does have a point, and you can’t turn down a personal request from her, even if you really need to keep working. She locks the door and then sits on the sofa, waving for you to come close. As you sit next to her, she pats her thighs lightly twice. “Now come and sleep.” The implication is clear as water, and you give her that “what in the Two Worlds are you suggesting” look you give her when she makes a ridiculous demand, but she doesn’t budge. It’s not the dominating smirk that faces you right now, nor is it the playfully mocking chuckles. It’s a sincere, warm smile that could melt icebergs, affection mixed with genuine concern for someone important to her, an invitation not to a battle of wills, but a sincere lap pillow she’s offering to a certain someone that has truly worried her from his overworking. You sigh and resign yourself, again, to play by her rules. She has a way of making you do that.

As your head lays on her soft thighs, you feel your eyes become heavy, not helped by her fingers that run through your hair, gentle, caring, loving. Her other hand holds your own, and you can hear a few faint, almost inaudible “thanks for always working hard.” You’re not sure if that was your imagination or her, and you don’t have much time to think about it before you fall asleep on your pillow of soft thighs and latex biking shorts, involuntarily nuzzling on it to find a comfortable position as she keeps playing with your hair.

It’s just another day in your office, where you do a job you love alongside your favorite person in the world. Filling out a couple of XCG-747-6 pink and yellows doesn’t feel daunting anymore.

[lawrencedienerthings]

Mullica: Governor Polis, Colorado needs a statewide mask order

#socialmedia🗣📊 ⏩ 🗞 👹 👂 😊

more news https://northdenvernews.com

We continue to hear that masks save lives, and Gov. Jared Polis has not been shy in telling us to “wear your damn mask.” Let’s be clear: masks do save lives, and we should be wearing our “damn” masks. 

However,  we need to realize that no amount of social media posts or news conference statements substitute for actual directive and policy. 

As the United States falls behind the rest of the world in its fight against COVID-19, the science is clear that masks save lives and enable communities to begin recovering from the pandemic. 

State Rep. Kyle Mullica, D-Northglenn, outside Presbyterian/St. Luke’s Medical Center in Denver where he works as an ER nurse. (Eric Lubbers, The Colorado Sun)

A model out of the University of Washington shows that over 120 lives in Colorado will be saved by Oct. 1 if we have a 95% mask use rate. Every data point is a life lost, a family heartbroken and a community torn apart.

As an emergency room nurse who has been on the frontlines of this crisis in Denver and Cook County Jail, I have seen the devastating impacts of COVID-19.

Even before this pandemic, two of our best tools to protect our patients against infection were — and still are — handwashing and masks. For five weeks, I worked every single day for 12 hours a day in one of the hardest-hit areas in the country, and we relied on the best available science, which instructed us to wear masks and wash our hands, to protect the patients and ourselves.

These experiences affirm both the science and morality of following social distancing and mask protocols. Every patient intubated and every person fighting for their life in the ER is a painful reminder of the scientifically proven importance of mask-wearing.

READ: A lawmaker returns to frontlines of the coronavirus fight as an ER nurse: “You can see a tsunami coming”

Evidence shows that requiring masks reduces the rate of transmission. Now, we are only weeks away from sending our kids back to school without even minimal protections mandated to keep them safe, putting not only students at risk but also our teachers.

We all should be coming together to support our educators and school districts and doing everything we can to decrease community spread.

We need to work together to protect ourselves, our loved ones, and the people around us whom we depend on the most. We have more than enough data and stories of loss.

We should be relying on the science of public health and not let politics get in the way now more than ever. Unfortunately, this has not been the case. We are living in a time when pseudoscience seems more prolific than actual science.

READ: Colorado Sun opinion columnists.

If there’s a study showing masks aren’t effective or vaccines cause autism, as long as it’s on social media or Google, it’s often taken as fact. I can speak from my personal experience of fighting this anti-science rhetoric as the sponsor of pro-vaccine legislation for the past two years at the Capitol.

As a state, we should be thanking leadership in both the House and the Senate for ensuring legislation was passed to improve our last-in-the-country immunization rates. They didn’t let politics get in the way of passing sound, evidence-based policy that made our communities safer.

Unfortunately, too many communities are not showing this leadership in response to COVID-19 and are rejecting the science around masks. As elected officials politicize masks and challenge public health experts in order to please their base, they jeopardize their communities.

While some jurisdictions adopt mask mandates, others actively undermine mask-wearing. In some states including Colorado, these political antics have cost communities critical expertise and experience as public health workers have resigned after being harassed, bullied and threatened — just when we need them most.

These public servants dedicate their lives to making our communities safer and yet they face violent threats over something as simple as wearing a mask. 

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We need pro-science leadership from Gov. Polis during this critical time.  Instead of putting the burden on our counties and cities to address mask orders and piecemealing it together, we need consistent guidelines and directive from the state level.  

Gov. Polis deserves credit for his role in limiting the spread of the virus in our state thus far, but with cases rising again, now is not the time to let the foot off of the pedal. 

Now is the time to show proactive leadership and institute a statewide mask order. Now is the time that we rely on science; the safety of our state depends on it.

Kyle Mullica, D-Northglenn, is a nurse and a Colorado state representative in House District 34.

The Colorado Sun is a nonpartisan news organization, and the opinions of columnists and editorial writers do not reflect the opinions of the newsroom. Read our ethics policy for more on The Sun’s opinion policy and submit columns, suggested writers and more to opinion@coloradosun.com.

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[umassdonahueinstitute]

Worldwide check-ins from Civic Initiative alumni during the COVID-19 epidemic (part 1)

Mike Hannahan, director of the UMass Civic Initiative, asked alumni last week about how the COVID-19 pandemic was affecting them and what they were doing to take care of themselves during this unprecedented time across the world. Here are there responses, categorized by country.

The responses are to two questions: How has the coronavirus changed your life? How are you taking care of yourself?

###

Italy

Locked at home under "house arrest" on my own. No contagion, at least no symptoms. Family split, I am in Lombardy, the most dangerous place in the world, sister in Lisbon, parents in Taranto. E-teaching is a nightmare, always working in front of the computer.

Going out every 2/3 weeks to buy food, wearing gloves. No face mask, I can't find them anywhere, putting a scarf on my nose and mouth, like a far West outlaw man.

Argentina

Today we are in a complete quarantine, we cannot go out, unless we go to the market or the pharmacy. We have to be in our homes, not going to work or we could go to prison. It's complicated but it's a sacrifice for a good cause.

We cannot complain if we are at home with food and internet. It's hard but not impossible, it could be worst.  We don't have to forget that is the only way we could help to stop the virus. Just stay at home. We are not being asked to go to war, to risk our lives, we are being asked just to stay with our family. Call your friends if you miss them, call your boyfriend, but do not minimize what you could cause if you go out of your house.

 Turkey

Materially not much, I and my family are in good health, but mentally I am devastated by this development. As a professor of international relations, I observe very extraordinary/unusual developments and cases in my country and the world at large. I ask and wonder about many consequences of this coronavirus problem, which I call it as humanity's ontological war against the virus and the nature in general. In this respect we in Turkey also have extraordinary measures and policies: schools and universities are closed; distance learning started first time; travel, meeting, entertainment, even shops and many other places are restricted or closed. In short, our life is getting miserable and scary like in the "American horror films"! 

The first and the most important thing is that I and my family isolated ourselves from society and even our larger family connections, locked into home except for shopping. But, thanks to classical and social media such as Twitter, we are strongly engaged with the external world, learning things about and sharing my views with the world. Consequently, we are living in a strange world in many ways: coronavirus threatens us, but we struggle against, definitely defeat it. 

 Hungary

I am distancing... It is a state of emergency from March 12th in Hungary. The borders are closed for foreigners. More and more of the clothing, furniture and similar stores are closing, except for pharmacies, grocery stores, gas stations and tobacco shops. People can still go to work (if they are not in home office). My university switched to remote learning. However, we don't have clear rules for distance learning. So, I basically preparing informative slides with helping docs and video lectures in Camtasia (6-10 minutes each).

I was like a person in the joke: on the first day, I found a woman on my couch. (It turned out that she's my wife. She is nice.) More seriously, I am working from home. Luckily my wife, too. Our kid's kindergarten is closed since Monday (16th). So we are together. Since it is not mandatory yet to be in our homes, I try to take a walk every day. If I see somebody then I go to the other side of the street. We are cooking every day and in general, we try to have a daily schedule. The life is pretty much the same as it was in Yugoslavia/Serbia during the NATO bombing in 1999. A daily schedule could help a lot to get back in normal when this 'shutdown' is over.

 Pakistan

You may know, I am Resident of Internal Medicine leading to specialty now at HMC Peshawar, one of the prime teaching hospital, at the capital city of our province Khyber Pukhtunkhwa. I am actively involved in the health policy and advocacy for doctors’ rights as well. Currently, I represent the Provincial Doctors Association Khyber Pukhtunkhwa as official spokesperson and Member Executive council.

I am part of Corona (COVID-19) Combat Team of my hospital and Provincial policy board. The aim of both of the above is to contain the disease and treat the already affected ones. I was very instrumental in the process of devising a policy and now to accomplish what has been planned to combat this highly infective and deadly virus. In short, I am among the few to face and fight this pandemic in the front lines. 

How am I taking care of myself? The answer to the above question is simple, our government doesn't have many resources. The PPE's (Personal Protection Equipment) are missing. There are a very limited number of masks, goggles and protective gowns available. Most doctors are working without any protection. One of our doctors just died today at Gilgit, Dr. Osama. Our President of Association is isolated in quarantine as he dealt a patient suspected case of the virus with a positive travel history of China which later on come out to be a positive case after PCR testing. Many doctors are exposed due to the non-availability of PPEs. Yesterday, I did a press conference and demanded the Provincial government to provide PPEs to all the health staff working in the ERs and OPD clinics.

 Australia

I'm currently living in Sydney, Australia. One month ago I started to work as a Program Coordinator at Generation Australia, a non-for- profit that trains unemployed people to get jobs. Since last week all trainings were switched to on-line learning. So I work from home and all the students study from home. Apart from that, Australia has closed its borders for all people who are not Australians. So if I go out even to see my family back in Argentia, I won't be able to get in again anytime soon. That would mean losing my job. 

I wash my hands very frequently and try to avoid crowded places and taking public transport.

 Pakistan

The coronavirus is turning out to be surprising us with a new challenge every day. The government is saying numbers increasing day by day. For a person who has to work to earn, the uncertainty and now the lockdown is making her/him thinking how s/he will be managing things for the future. The lockdown is said to be for 10 to 14 days, but experts are suggesting that it can be prolonged to months and even for a year. The biggest challenge we are facing is uncertainty, no one knows what to expect and what to plan for the coming days which surely can be predicted as very challenging.

I personally am looking into and following the guidelines shared by the WHO, which starts from regular handwashing, not touching face and avoiding public places as much as possible. I am looking forward to social distancing, self-isolating myself and with my family until the situation becomes normal again.

 India

I as teacher and responsible citizen was always telling in classrooms and talks outside for years maintain personal hygiene...keep ur surroundings clean...wash hands whenever u have to eat anything...but most of the people in India doesn’t bother unless some epidemic breaks out. After that, its life as usual...spitting, urinating, keeping surroundings unclean are common sights on the roads here... No government can do anything if people in that society doesn’t have self-health discipline. I as warden and vice-principal saw that 1000 students under my control are asked to vacate hostels 2 days back and come back on 31st March. Told the students not to join weddings and festival gatherings...warned them not come with some virus when they return to campus later this month

As I am a sportsman too, maintain the utmost health discipline from the beginning. I must thank my parents for this. Alternate days tennis...mask when I go out...wash hands as frequently as possible as water is a scarce resource in our country.

 England

I am in London as I moved here 2 years ago but as you know all my family and friends in Turkey hence, it was a very hard decision for me to choice staying here...It has changed my life a lot already. My husband and I are working from home now. We tried to stay at home as much as we can even before the government advice. I am still frustrated with Boris for his very late decision to close schools, bars, pubs ext. I am a face-to-face major gift fundraiser, therefore, now we need to find out new ways how my role can evolve with the current situation.

In terms of taking care of myself, as I said we go out only for a walk or market shopping. Thank God, we are healthy and due to at-home physical activities, having enough sleep and ext. I feel good physically. However, it is challenging to keep sane and calm mentally.

I am terrified to get a coronavirus as NHS is not capable of taking care of any patients and we are expected to get well at home. Also, I am very concerned for my family and friends since the rates in Turkey is also increasing rapidly. At last, having thought of losing them and not being able to see them again is killing me, that's my biggest fear at this moment. Other than that I am fine writing my dissertation, working, cooking, painting at home to keep myself busy.

 Iraq

We registered more than 200 cases with 17 deaths and the spread is getting serious in our country, so there was a curfew forced by the government so we are staying home and that was so boring at first. I used to go out like every day and this is a big challenge for me to stay home. We have to adhere to our own benefit and the bright side is we are spending much more time with our families, so it won't be worse than catching the infection.

Some measures I'm taking to protect myself and family is by encouraging them to stay home, using some chemicals to fumigate the house, and when I go out for necessities I use good protection with face mask and gloves and using alcohol frequently.

My final word is to encourage everyone to stay home and enjoy what's in your houses, you will be surprised with the things you can do in your place.

 Finland

Finland is in lockdown since 18 March 2020. I am in self-quarantine since 14 March after arriving from a one week trip to Belarus back to Finland that day. I live with my husband in Joensuu, Eastern Finland where epidemics have not hit as yet. However, we are moving to our new flat in Helsinki 30 March which is now a stressful and exiting situations in the present circumstances.

In Finland there is a strong suggestion to stay at home and reduce all social contacts. So, we live quietly and go for walks with our dog twice a day. Shops are open normally and in Finland the globally exceptional emergency supply work supports the trustworthy situation with foodstuff and pharmacies in such time of crisis (we are proud for that!).

My daughters are students and staying in their homes in Helsinki region. High Schools and universities are closed down and all people who can do distance work. So, all kinds of challenges and solutions for distance work and supporting those alone at home without face-to-face contacts are important at the moment.

The present lockdown is issued till 13 April. In Finland first death due to Corona took place yesterday. We have 500 reported Corona cases at the moment. The most serious concern is about those over 70 years old.

 Cameroon

Although there is no nationwide lockdown, we are advised to stay at home, and to go out only if it is compulsiry. We had  a very busy first semester. I reduce academic activities.

May God make us safe.

 Pakistan

Watching the death toll rising around the globe has made me realize, how even at the peak of technology and billions of dollars at our disposal. To fight mother nature head-on is something we cannot do in one day.  The virus is spreading exponentially in our country and it is sad that only a few hundred thousand are taking it seriously, while millions are making fun of it. This has made me take on another challenge which is to teach and aware people of the dangers of this virus. As our majority of the population is Muslim, we live our religion, so I am trying to relate the awareness with the Islamic concepts. Hopefully, by teaching through social media will benefit some and creates a chain reaction.

This is a global crisis and must be tackled with everything a human can do.

Be safe everyone, be helpful and empathetic.

 Pakistan

Indeed this pandemic is a colossal test for the self and our collective character. Amidst the gloom of rising Covid-19, it’s understandable that every single person on this earth can be affected by it. It has a multidimensional impact at individual, national and international levels. This epidemic has changed my thinking patterns and make me more conscious of the philosophy of life. It is affecting my personal, professional and academic life. Actually, I was busy in the data collection of my postgraduate thesis; but unfortunately, I have to stop it. No doubt, it’s a challenge for “humanity”, the current situation is depressing and alarming but the indomitable human nature can deal with it. At the individual level, I am trying to isolate myself and my family; also, I am following all the authentic instructions by international(WHO) and national agencies(NIH) because, “health is wealth”. As a responsible community we should have to take serious precautions about this natural call. This is the crucial time to reflect back critically on ‘ourselves’ (self-purification) by evaluating the purpose and meaning of life. Hopefully, we will defeat this health war wisely, the required input from every policy stakeholder can act like a safety-chain for the entire human community. However-in proceeding years-it is clearly evident that there will be a neo-social   change in transnationalism and the domestic policy arena. 

 Indonesia

This global pandemic has certainly changed my daily routine. My workplace has been conducted work from home regulation to protect the employer from the events. My works have been much in their field, where I need to work with stakeholders and community, but this situation changed our plan. Though it is hard to still conduct some work with the community since we prevent to do face to face activity, but this moment we gave a try in initiating an online platform. In how we teach people to occupy current technology. There are still many challenges as it might not effectively work with a community who were never exposed or experienced any technology. At this moment, I learn about the technology gap as well.

On the other hand, this global pandemic also got me to learn about such a complex system in dealing with a global pandemic. I learn to see the gap in the socio-economic class dynamics in the ocommunity. Moreover, to see the systematic failure in addressing the issue. It has never been this concerning to see the vulnerable groups (elders, disabled people, women, low-income family, etc.) would be the ones who got the most severe impact of this event. As a civic society, we might be so aware about this issue, but we don’t have much ‘power’ to create such a significant change in dealing with this virus. But, I see the crucial courage to push people in power through advocacy to take such an important action and commitment to make sure that everyone could be treated fairly during this emerging situation.

I am trying to have healthy lifestyle. I consume more vegetables, fruits and a balanced diet. I do regular workouts. Reading and listening to music for my free time. And I am trying to focus on my works too. It is a bit overwhelming to keep reading the news and update, sometimes it has been too complicated and frustrating. In this very uncertain situation, it is good to balance what I need to know and when to stop scrolling Twitter.

 Pakistan

I was at my university when I got to know about the COVID-19 Pandemic. Our class finished before its usual time and we were asked to leave our class room quickly. When I came out of the room, we were informed that the university was closed for 15 days because of the coronavirus outbreak that has infected several people across Pakistan. It was very shocking for me because I was living my usual life. I was unaware of the occurrence of such an unexpected deadly virus causing a huge loss to humanity. We were overloaded with assignments, case studies, readings etc. I did not know anything about the pandemic at all or its horrendous effects on other countries. When I googled Covid-19, I felt so dreadful looking at its adverse effects in China, Italy, Iran and other countries.  The most frightening part was how it spreads fast among people and now most of the world was suffering from it. The unsympathetic, horrific coronavirus changed my life as it brought so much uncertainty, confusion and worry with itself.  Realizing that the virus has no vaccine or cure until now makes me so anxious and nervous. I spent last week constantly dreading about the future of the humanity. I am concerned about all the countries where so many people are illiterate and they are not aware of the seriousness of coronavirus and how lethal it could be to humans. I feel as if my life has become immobile. Amidst the chaotic situation, I cannot think about my future plans, dreams or goals. As a working woman, I used to work 8 hours as an English language instructor in a college and I would take post-graduate classes in the evening. Now, due to the COVID-19 outbreak, I am practicing self-isolation which made my life so dormant and passive. I miss my colleagues and friends. We cannot hang out like usual anymore. The news channels constantly update us about the rising number of coronavirus patients and how the situation is getting worst throughout the world.  Mostly countries despite trying their best are experiencing worst circumstances. The situation is strange, stagnant, desperate and hopeless but realizing how China successfully came out of it gave me hope.  Nowadays, I am focusing on how I can spread awareness regarding the coronavirus technologically. I am sharing and spreading coronavirus precautionary videos, voice messages, photos, text messages with people and groups. I miss my life before the coronavirus outbreak but I am concentrating on how I can help people amid the pandemic. My life and concerns have totally changed during the coronavirus outbreak. I have started focusing on the need of the hour which is to follow all the safety measures and to provide support to people through spreading awareness about safety measures and guiding them to be compassionate during this challenging time.  I am trying my best to act as a responsible citizen and human in order to contribute my share in controlling the coronavirus outbreak.

I keep on washing my hands after every 20 to 30 minutes. I am more conscious and attentive when I go out for doing some inevitable tasks. Initially, I used hand sanitizer frequently but they got finished in the market which was troublesome. I ordered gloves for myself and now I use gloves whenever I go out. Furthermore, I have been using a mask for pollution and seasonal allergy so wearing a mask during the pandemic is not something tough for me. I started practicing self-isolation the day I got to know about precautionary measures which all of us have to take during the COVID-19 pandemic.   Self-isolation which was boring at first as I used to be out till evening before the COVID-19 pandemic for work and evening classes. Now I spend most of my time reading, watching movies, playing indoor games, article writing, praying and working on my assignments. These activities keep me busy and I do not feel pessimistic or gloomy due to this sudden lifestyle change which was greatly depressing for me at the start. I am trying my best to act with complete responsibility as it does not only concern my life but many others too. We all have to try to break the chain in order to stop the spread of coronavirus. If we follow the precautionary measures, we can win this fight against this global pandemic. The restraint that we practice during this chaotic pandemic will help in restoring human life as it was before the coronavirus outbreak.  

 Iraqi Kurdistan

My city and all Kurdistan is under lockdown now. Because of the nature of my work, I am still allowed to go to work at my hospital, but pretty much almost all other non-essential businesses are closed. I hope this doesn't become the new normal.  

I try to not go out and stay at home unless I really have to. At work, we take the necessary measures. All the doctors, nurses and hospital staff have to use personal protective equipment (PPE) to protect themselves.

 Argentina 

The quarantine has affected us all at a personal level, but the economic effect is also very significant. Work opportunities are more scarce and the near future seems complicated in that sense.  Although what worries me most is how this will affect the people who depend on the informal economy.  Governments from all over the world have to develop policies to support marginalized groups in this context. It is easy to shelter in place if you can fill your fridge, it is more difficult if you can't.

Besides following the publicly known instructions, I am also wearing a mask when I go buy groceries. Some say it protects you better from the virus and some say it doesn't, but everybody agrees on the fact that it is good for not spreading it. You never know how it will affect you or even if you have it without showing symptoms yet. 

Ecuador

How has the coronavirus changed your life? Well, the university closes all installations and send students and professors to home. So, right now I am working at home and trying to fulfill all my duties until the beginning of the next semester. Besides by an order of the authorities, remain at home is compulsory and one just can go out to obtain supplies and medicines.

Since last Thursday I remain at home.

 Australia

A few minor things such as football season being suspended, travel bans, pubs and cafes being closed, and limited availability in supermarkets of some things such as rice, pasta etc. Major disruption has involved the University of Tasmania stopping all face-to-face teaching (tutes and lectures) and lecturers transitioning to fully online teaching. Things will change in Tasmania when either a government decision to close schools is made, or schools make the decision independent of government.

I’m socially isolating and following advice about hygiene. I’m still going for a bike ride when I can to keep myself healthy

South Africa

COVID-19 has redefined my pattern of social interactions among peers. It has placed restrictions on my movement and keeps me at home and my desk. Unnecessary visits discarded and concentrate more on my research. Nevertheless, it has created an atmosphere of fear and panic. It is a time that has drawn me closer to God and sharing the gospel with friends. I explore the social media platforms to encourage people to put their trust in God in the face of a raging pandemic.

I take care of myself by improving personal hygiene and maintaining my food habits. I keep social distance having restricted my movements and contacts with people.

 Ethiopia

I am deeply saddened by the death and suffering of thousands of people across the world. Here in my country, Ethiopia, the spread of the virus, according to official figures, is limited to a handful of people who contracted it while abroad. There is no report of domestic transmission so far. Nevertheless, schools are closed for two weeks (we are now into the second week) and classes are suspended for university students. As university instructors, we are supposed to help students study while at home but the problem is that we do not have the necessary preparations to do that. Though the spread of the virus is very limited the global situation is hitting the country very hard. The country is very dependent on exports and imports in the countries seriously affected by the virus. So, there is a shortage of important supplies such as sanitizers, alcohol, face masks and food items. So, people are turning to traditional ways of preventing epidemics. In fact, as we are yet to suffer from the spread of the virus, we are going to see the real reaction of the people in the immediate future.  Our thoughts are with those who are suffering from the virus.

[kristablogs]

The safest way to eat at your favorite restaurant during the pandemic

Think twice before sitting down, especially without a mask. (Pexels/)

Follow all of PopSci’s COVID-19 coverage here, including tips on cleaning groceries, ways to tell if your symptoms are just allergies, and a tutorial on making your own mask.

The clink of wine glasses, the buzz of laughter and constant conversation, a pair of familiar eyes smiling at you across the table, skimming through menus—dining out has been sorely missed.

After several months of only consuming takeout and experimenting in the kitchen, many of us are hustling to catch a glimpse or normalcy and get back into our favorite cafes, diners, and restaurants. But how can we chow down safely, without putting ourselves, our peers, and restaurant staff at risk?

Right when lockdowns spread across the country in March, restaurants immediately stood out as a public health hazard. When it comes down to it, restaurants are enclosed spaces, with people chewing, drinking, shouting, laughing, and bumping elbows at close proximity, for long periods of time. Basically, that’s the recipe for an epidemiological disaster, especially when it comes to diseases like COVID-19. Saskia Popescu, an infectious disease expert at the European CDC, points out that eating and drinking require a mask-free moment. Without that layer of protection, you become extremely vulnerable, and so do the people breathing in your un-masked breath. “You become very dependent on social distancing and air ventilation in the restaurant,” says Popescu.

In the last two weeks alone, thirty-nine US states have experienced an increase in new COVID-19 cases. Yet, seventeen states, including major hot spots like Texas AND Florida, have completely reopened their restaurants. Ten others, like New York and New Jersey, are in the process of doing so. Whether you’re in a state that’s heating up or cooling down, there are multiple options with different levels of risk on how to get your favorite meal from the chef to your plate.

Riskiest: dining inside a restaurant

“The more space, the better,” says Popescu. That’s why, whenever possible, avoid dining inside a restaurant. Studies show that COVID-19 depends on face-to-face transmission through air droplets. Throw in an enclosed space with mask-less people eating and chatting, and you’ve got a high-risk cesspool of transmission.

But if you’re absolutely desperate to go out, before you even step outside your house, assess yourself for any symptoms. Are you feeling sick, or have you engaged in any risky behavior, like socializing or meeting up with someone COVID-19 positive, in the last few days? “If my husband tested positive today, I would not go to a restaurant,” says Popescu. If you feel any symptoms at all, or somebody you’re close to isn’t feeling great, stay home to protect yourself and others.

Say you’ve been avoiding all risk, and nobody you know is sick. When you get to the restaurant, take a long, detailed look at its interior before you commit to dining there. Some big red flags are tables way closer than six feet apart from each other, closed doors and windows, and stuffy air. “If you see a restaurant that isn’t able to keep windows and doors open and just uses an oscillating fan, that’s not a good environment,” says Popescu. Pick a restaurant that’s not filled to the brim with people, and make sure that all patrons and staff are properly masked before you sit down at a table.

Once you’re inside, keep your mask on at all times—unless you’re sipping a drink or eating. “In a restaurant, you should wear a mask when you get there and order, and take it off when you eat or take a few sips of your drink,” says Popescu. Always keep your mask on while you’re interacting with any restaurant staff, and try to minimize your interactions with your hostess and waiter. After all, they are going through so much exposure during a single work shift just so you can order your favorite pasta and wine combo. The least you can do is try your best to keep them safe.

What about the difference between fast-casual spots, like Chipotle, or fancier, sit-down restaurants? It doesn’t really matter how swanky your meal is, says Amesh Adalja, an assistant professor of environmental health at Johns Hopkins University. It’s all about the time you spend inside, he adds, and if you’re carefully social distancing. So no matter how long you’d spend in your favorite places before COVID-19, now’s the time to distance from others and minimize the amount of time you’re lingering in a restaurant.

Yet, no matter how many precautions you take inside a restaurant, it’s always safer to dine outside.

Risky: outdoor seating

“In general, the risk is lower when you sit outdoors versus indoors,” says Adalja. “It’s easier to social distance, and there’s likely a breeze that will allow for greater air ventilation.” While some studies have shown that COVID-19 can travel up to 26 feet in your coughs and sneezes, epidemiologists still debate over whether the virus is still dangerous when in aerosol form. “There’s a lot of controversy, and the debate’s still going on in the epidemiology field about how dangerous that aerosolization is,” Adalja notes.

So even if you’re sitting outside, sit six feet away from others and keep your mask on whenever you’re not eating or drinking. If you’re set up on the sidewalk, there’s a chance that people will jog or walk right past you, so keep your mask on to protect you and the people out strolling in their neighborhood.

When choosing who to dine out with, look to your immediate household, advises Popescu. “We’re seeing such unabated community transmission that it’s hard to make the case for going out to get a meal or drink with friends,” says Popescu. Tables are designed to be far from each other, but everyone at your table will be sitting close enough together to chit chat and potentially pass along the virus, she says. If you are itching to see a pal from outside your coronavirus bubble, it’s time to break out the picnic basket and go sit somewhere in the park or at the beach where you can safely keep your six feet of distance.

We’re nearing the end of July, though, and temperatures are soaring. If the thought of sitting outside in the scorching heat is unbearable, look toward the safest option: takeout.

Not-So-Risky: takeout

Takeout falls much, much lower on the risk index than taking a seat anywhere at a restaurant. Just remember to wear a mask and social distance while picking your meal up, and to minimize the amount of time you spend waiting inside the restaurant. “Don’t enter the restaurant before your food is ready, unless you can sit outside or wait in your car,” says Popescu. “By choosing takeout, you’re decreasing the amount of time you’re in the restaurant. You’re minimizing exposure.”

When it comes to handling the takeout packaging, Adalja isn’t too worried. “Surface contamination is a secondary transmission type, compared to face-to-face transmission,” says Adalja. “I have no hesitation in getting takeout myself.” According to UC Davis virologist Erin DiCaprio, in an interview with Sactown, COVID-19 isn’t known to spread through food, so just because someone else is preparing it doesn’t necessarily make the food riskier to consume.

What Popescu always remembers is this golden rule—hand hygiene. “I open them, put the food on a plate, toss the container, and wash my hands before I eat,” she says and argues that sanitizing the takeout containers isn’t a big concern. Her husband, however, prefers to sanitize the entire container before handling it with his bare hands. As long as you make sure your hands are clean before you eat, you can take a deep breath, relax, and dig in.

With takeout, you can quench your appetite for supporting the local economy, eating delicious food, and fighting to protect yourself and others from getting sick all in one spoonful.