#i still dont really know what to do with myself now

[kindred-spirit-93]

I KINDA CLEANED MY WINDOWS!!

its probably going to rain and render my efforts useless but idc its been bothering me for so long and today i did the bare minimum and im happy. i used wipes lol i can see dust lines but still. a win is a win

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kinda going through it. i think its a quarter life crisis lmao (or half whos to say ;)) except its very chill. like milestones and relationships arent bothering me (all in good time im in no rush) and i dont feel like im behind or missing out on anything.

im just existing and trying to make it till graduation yk? im tired

skipped another class today lol (last one no promises tho) to go to the cafeteria again. im allowing myself to compromise bc i really am not feeling great. ofc theres no one but myself to blame for that lol but this aint about her. also social anxiety can go cry in the corner >:)

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wearing my emotional support turtleneck lmao, ate a bite of yesterdays carrot cake (divine), my beloved honeybee plushie is within arms reach. im trying. and its progress

new year tomorrow so hopefully ill snap into it again and feel better after studying and ticking a few boxes. hopefully.

so many things i want to do. short term and long term. so little time and barakah these days. but we persist.

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i love my patho prof so much. my uncle taught her during at some point and she worked with another uncle of mine for some time so she knows the family well. shes so wonderful and always keen to learn and help (conflict of interest who? im joking were all very professional which surprisingly is the opposite of the norm here. but thats an essay for another time)

yesterday after class she read and went through the physicians oath (fun fact theres a muslim version! and generally modern versions lol iirc the og hippocratic one was a bit wild) with us and its beautiful. i plan on printing it out and sticking it somewhere i can see.

anyway i think its important to keep the end goal (visibly) in sight bc its easy esp for me to get caught up in the minutiae of the every day and get overwhelmed, so its a good reminder for me to renew my intention every now and again, and to appreciate how far ive come :)

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dont u hate it when ur upset or angry and then every inanimate object in existence conspires against u. like wtf are u doin. why are u unionising and why tf is it against me??? im on ur side u jerks >:'(

in ther news my baby cousin is the cutest lil man on the planet his shenanigans are always hysterical. yesterday he left all his toys to go play with the aubergines lmao. legos? nah we stacking tuna cans XD

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my dads meeting a friend today so i asked him over lunch what [friends] phd was about since his bachelors is in arabic. like what research do u do in languages, and he said the master thesis was abt the sentence structure of the nabataean language (aramaic i think) and how it resembles arabic. and if thst isnt the coolest fricking thing idk what is

i love languages so much i really wish i could learn every langauge under the sun and read every book in existence. maybe in heaven lol. anyway i asked him if he could ask him to recommend me a book and he said he will :3

the 2 books i bought last year when we went to turkiye abt the ottoman empire sitting on my shelves collecting dust: this bitch

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my hands are cold and im getting too lazy to type lol. thank u for reading this far, might post some class doodles today idk (my attention span these days is truly something scandalous)

hope ur all doing well! take care of yo selves, drink water or ill personally hunt u down, and enjoy da fireworks tonight!

"with alarm, your scholar" - kindred

[hershelchocolateart]

GIRL HELP I WASNT EXPECTING THE SATURATION PSA TO BE THE MOST POPULAR DRAWING-RELATED THING IVE EVER MADE IN MY LIFE

[awesomehoggirl]

Hey another year passed. It really did pass!

Plot twist I am not allowed to swim anymore. I am making some progress with stopping compulsive walking!

I sleep so normal now especially at college I get up at 8 and go to bed at 11 like CLOCKWORK

Nothing was finished outside of school screenplays i was busy and crazy. Big big goal for the new year is to write a new short story even if it sux bc i am paralyzed by perfectionism atm

I PUBLISHED POETRY EVERYBODY CHEER!!!!!! HOLY SHIT

i WON AN AWARD for my articles and also joined the magazine at my US college and wrote a feature for them (+copyedited lawl)

I got proper therapy for the first time ever it was a complex and multifaceted experience thank you NHS. i am going to start taking my meds again i think Because you know I stopped doing that

I love to pester. furthermore I love to put my hand up and answer a question. I love to schedule a 1 on 1 when i dont understand something. i love to send emails make phone calls and advocate for myself

Have gotten so good at turning things in early and made insane unprecedented steps towards freedom from perfectionism procrastination (only with assignments tho LOL) but still as someone who has been a Last Minute Essay Writer!! all my gay life... maybe the best thing ive ever done for myself

Unemployed :( But to be fair I'm in a different country

i think i do scroll less especially during term time bc i stay BUSY! didn't read as much i'd like to read when i wake up on weekends instead of scrolling i think :) but i just knocked out a book and a half in a week so i think STEPS ARE BEING MADE. THIS IS MY READING YEAAAAAR

I will continue to work on having confidence in my choices and thoughts rather than automatically assuming i am wrong. this is one of the things holding me in creative paralysis so i know this is a priority for me

So good at this now. reframing mindset for ever and ever and ever

Um What a freaky freaky freaky freaky freaky yeaaaaar!!!!! So crazy reading how well i thought i was doing last year when a week later i would have a breakdown that would change my entire fucking life lolll also i wasnt eating balanced food and exercising i had anorexia nervosa. JUST SHOWS how a person can SEEEM! okay but really theyre freaked up Makes u think... but U know what that doesn't negate my achievements from that year which DID set up some of my awesome achievements from this year. i think i have an entirely new look on life and i am genuinely excited to continue to learn and grow and mature. in 2025 i want to continue to work on recovery and break free from the fawking compulsions by challenging myself. i know what is best for me (getting out of my comfort zone) and i know this will make me happy.

yk what. i never made smaller new years resolutions just one big one so here are my small ones for the books

- start swimming once or twice a week again

- fix my sleep schedule (urgent)

- finish the thing im writing which is sucking up a lot of time

- write a new play

- publish some poetry

- write an article for the newspaper STOP being shy

- get over the Fear and book further therapy

- stop airing peoples messages

- pester my professors more

- turn in all my assignments at least one day before the deadline

- get a job. it can be tutoring if i cant find any but preferably something that requires working with other people and going outside

- scroll less. read and write more

- stop caring about what other people are doing. stop judging my life by other peoples standards. they are not me we are different entirely there is no crime in taking a different path in life

- stop stressing so much over mistakes and make an effort to a. always learn from them b. make better art because of them

[deoidesign]

I met the me who made different choices

[moeblob]

What if I straight up didn't explain myself? What if I just said trust me on this? Would you?

[rapidhighway]

avoidance is my fucking doom man, i know i should go to class but i fucking cant get myself to

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

[triglycercule]

what if because dust and horror wouldn't wanna be called anything aside from sans in a multiverse context and they were both good buddies they both just start calling eachother sans. i'm sans (dust) and i'm sans (horror) ahh duo

becaaause horror in his eye(s) still sees himself as sans!! he's sans!! who else is he SUPPOSED to be god 😒😒 stop attatching this stupid fake name onto him that just points out all his shortcomings in his au and also just dehumanizes him (because i get that aus are named after a key trait of something but COME ON the guy's name is HORROR it's like naming a poor person "brokie" or something,,,). horror is PROUDLY sans smh

and dust ALSO sees himself as sans!!! like,,, granted he's definitely not a better sans than he was before considering everything he did (but he still doesn't like his past self's inaction) but he's STILL SANS. nothing about him changed (really?) enough to warrant the whole identity shift. like dude dont discredit him DONT DENY HIS WHOLE LIFE!!! he IS sans no matter what,,, dust doesnt wanna think about what he became if he's not sans now anyways lul :3

now could they fight over the right to the identity of sans??? possibly,,, but also consider this: there are literally infinite numbers of sanses in the multiverse. at some point the shiny title of Sans would be something horror and dust are used to around the multiverse!!! so why fight over the name (that so many others share already so its not exactly exclusive) when they can just decide to make each other feel better!!! be delusional TOGETHER 🤞

[ironicsoap]

you are expendable, you are not expected to return

[ganondoodle]

i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo

[xxplastic-cubexx]

Magneto would love lumpia meanwhile Charles would have his Bibingka and Puto Bungbong hehe

Happy Holidays!

asks that remind me my bitchass friend kayla promised to make me *puto two years ago and she still hasnt

*puto is a filipino rice cake i do know it also means 'bitch' in spanish we do not have to address that thank you

[mellotronmkll]

Wverytime I sit down at a computer to make music I get so scared

[persephoneflouwers]

🌷

[deoidesign]

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[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

"my education is my highest priority" everything returns to vocaloid