#i stayed in bed for hours earlier trying to get myself to take a shower first before cleaning

[lotusmar]

Request pls!

Housewife reader struggling physical with postpartum, the constant cries from the newborn the breastfeeding lack of sleep and the discomfort from birth. :(

you ask, you shall receive :) (this is the earlier days when milo was just a newborn)

I don’t feel like myself anymore.

houswife!reader x bluecollar!rafe

WARNINGS: postpartum, exhaustion, crying, breastfeeding struggles, body discomfort, sleep deprivation, emotional vulnerability, soft comfort

You hadn’t slept in almost two days.

The house was quiet except for Milo’s soft, hiccupy cries. The kind that weren’t loud enough to panic over but never really stopped. You were in the rocking chair, again. Shirt half unbuttoned, nursing bra down, blanket over one shoulder, eyes glassy from staring at nothing.

Your body still hurt. Not in the sharp, sudden way like the first few days. But in that slow, deep, dull ache that never quite left. Like your bones hadn’t caught up with everything yet.

Your chest was sore. Your back was tight. Your nipples felt raw. Milo kept unlatching and crying. Then latching wrong. Then crying again.

You were so tired.

You didn’t hear the front door open.

You didn’t hear Rafe come in, or kick off his boots, or whisper a “hey baby” like he usually did.

But you felt him stop in the doorway.

And when you didn’t say anything — didn’t even turn your head — he knew.

“Milo asleep?” he asked softly.

You shook your head. “No.”

You didn’t mean for your voice to sound so flat. But you didn’t have the energy to fix it.

He crossed the room, crouched beside the chair. You saw the frown on his face before you saw the sweat on his shirt.

You whispered, “He’s not latching right again.”

Rafe glanced at the baby in your arms, then back at you.

“You want me to try?”

You shook your head quickly — too quickly. “He wants me. It’s always me. I’m all he wants.” You say, almost frustratedly.

There was silence.

Then your voice cracked: “I haven’t showered in three days. I haven’t brushed my hair. I bled through the sheets last night and I didn’t even notice.”

Rafe’s eyes softened. “Baby—”

You looked at him then. Really looked. And it all tumbled out.

“I don’t feel like myself anymore. I don’t feel pretty. I don’t even feel like a person. Just a machine that feeds and rocks and cries.”

He reached for your hand, but you pulled back.

“I love him,” you whispered, tears slipping out. “God, I love him. But I don’t know if I’m doing this right.”

Rafe stayed quiet, then stood slowly. You thought he was going to walk away — maybe to go shower or fix dinner — but instead, he leaned down and carefully lifted Milo from your arms. Held him against his chest like he’d done it a hundred times.

“C’mere,” he said softly, nudging your knees apart with his hips, settling in the chair with you in his lap. One arm around the baby. One around you.

You cried into his shirt, finally.

“I’m sorry,” you sobbed. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing,” he murmured into your hair. “There’s nothing wrong with you, baby.”

He rocked gently, the three of you pressed together.

“I’ll take the next one,” he whispered. “You just rest, alright? Let me hold both of you a while.”

And for the first time in hours — in days — you let go.

You woke up to the sound of gentle humming. A low, off-tune version of something familiar. The house was still dim — early morning — but the sun was just beginning to warm the curtains.

You blinked.

You were… in bed.

You didn’t remember getting there.

Your chest was tender, but the aching throb had dulled. The soreness was background noise now. And for the first time in what felt like a century, your head wasn’t pounding. You realized, slowly: I slept. Not a nap. Not a half-hour twitchy doze. Real sleep.

You sat up fast — panicked. “Milo—”

“He’s fine,” a voice said gently from down the hall.

You followed it.

And what you saw in the kitchen made your throat close up.

Rafe — shirtless, hair a mess, dark circles under his eyes — holding Milo to his chest with one arm, bottle in the other hand, barefoot, swaying gently while humming some nonsense melody.

You stopped in the doorway.

He looked up and grinned. “Well, hey there, Sleeping Beauty.”

You blinked, still caught in that thick fog of just-woke-up emotion.

“I… you fed him?”

“Yep. You slept through the whole bottle.”

You stepped closer, slowly. “Was he okay?”

“Didn’t cry once,” he said. “Kinda scary, honestly. Thought maybe I was magic.”

You snorted. “You’re not.”

“Let me have this.”

You slid into his arms, resting your forehead against Milo’s soft head.

“You’re really good at this,” you whispered.

Rafe looked down at you — sweat and all, tired as hell — and kissed the top of your head.

“So are you, mama.”

[darbonime]

up at night

contains: dad! alex, fluff, smut. he is a munch. also a tiny bit of masturbation and fingering.

word count: 3.9k.

Baby fusses in the crib, her tiny hands messing the blanket that affectionately was put over her hours earlier. Her small face crunched in discomfort and upset. Quiet wailing calls out for the parents. A night lamp on a dresser dimly lit the nursery, guarding little girl from the horrors of the darkness. And yet something put her in babyish melancholy.

You toss and turn, but exhaustion forces you, pins to bed, no matter how baby’s sobs call out for your attention and care. Rustle of the sheets beside you, make your bleary with sleep eyes to open – you guess the vague silhouette in the blankets of gloominess is Alex, letting him to handle the situation you peacefully shut eyelids again, disappearing into beauty sleep with his departing steps and weeps somewhere far away behind.

A minutes after you sit up as if hit with a thunder – it’s unusually silent. Anxiously silent. You look around, but Alex isn’t here. That stirs your concerns even more. Just one indulgence guilt trips you about not getting up yourself to check on Karen. You trust Alex. Absolutely. Yet it’s better to do everything your own hands. That’s how you lived all your life - by yourself. Waning through the tiredness that sticks to you like one of these unpleasant thoughts in the back of the mind, you pull on your cardigan. The stinging feeling in the eyes hardly gives you the ability to part your eyelids. You meander in the dark room, trying not to bump into a dresser on your way to find your family.

Peeking into the room, you crack the door open, it creaks and standing near crib Alex, holding a baby, startlingly jumps. His frame turns to you with wide eyes, caught of a guard, exhausted and yet with a pinch of annoyance. No one likes to be caught off guard, and he never exactly liked to be seen in his vulnerable gentle state.

“Bloody hell, love,” he murmurs, letting his gaze lovingly come back to the baby, rocking her ever so slightly, initially begging for her not to wake up. You are much better with her - little one rarely dozes off quickly with him. Alex conceives about it without a break, not even noticing that those thoughts take him down like a swamp. The possible reasons pop out in his head constantly becoming his migraines.

He still holds her very carefully as back then in the hospital when you just gave a birth to her, “Karen lost her bunny in the crib. Started cryin’.” Not being even, a year old, she is already attached to the stuffed creature as much as to parents. Getting older, she probably will get a name for this one bunny. Being very honest, he might have a few name variants for that poor stuffed animal covered in baby saliva and showered in innocent child love.

“Yeah, I heard… Couldn’t force myself to get up. Sorry, babe.” You nestle against his side, cradling the vulnerable head of your daughter. Hints of hair are smooth and soft against your palm, “Thanks for… y’know.” Your eyes close for a second in helplessness, knowing he understands you without words. You lean your head on his shoulder.

“It’s ‘kay.” His eyes stay on the little frame clenching bunny as if it’s the dearest thing in the world, “You’re knackered.”

You are knackered. Karen can be quite handful. She drops plastic plates spilling all food on the floor, wants to be on the arms all the time and when you or Alex put her down, she throws an immediate tantrum. A loud one. At a very young age she already decided both of you have at her hand. Alex said to you couple of days ago: “I have no idea how we are gonna survive later when she starts walkin’.” Neither do you.

But now she is silent. Karen’s breath is stable, full baby cheeks are pinkish, looking very squeezable as her whole. She is peaceful in her own dimension, not quite here, body curled in the blanket. Alex holds her head, so it didn’t fall – the essential support. You and he look at her, still with curious expressions as if she’s a peculiar little creature. Someone who is from a different planet. A few months after her birth, Karen still didn’t become something “common”. Every day, she has the ability to bring small things that she never misses to surprise with. First smile, first laugh, first “peace” sign with fingers. You are terrified of her growing so fast, and you know he is too. Time slips through your fingers and now a wish of ABBA to freeze the picture to save it from the funny tricks of time feels to the pain familiar. It’s selfish, probably.

Never being against having a child, you still find yourself surprised by the amount of boundless love your heart can create. Alex changed too, when the prepared crib finally found a small habitant to it, he became calmer, at least that’s what he shows. You see the ocean anxiousness waves over him from time to time, especially if Karen goes out of control, but you always have his back. Some things that are natural to you, don’t sit right with him. You had a couple of skirmishes about it, and yet united exhaustion never made these arguments too long. After all, neither of you want to pout on different sides of the couch, or moreover in the bed.

A cold crawls on your skin, a sheer of early spring chillily runs over the floor. Looking up you see a cracked window – letting in a fresh air in the nursery before putting down Karen to sleep, someone of you forgot to close it. The lost sleep steps away, not wishing it, you feel more awake, having a baby ruined your sleep schedule fully and undoubtedly. You wrap your arms around yourself, thin strap top underneath cardigan doesn’t hide the sensitive nipples. Alex notices. Details became crucial to ignore these days. He puts small frame back in the crib delicately – Karen has a sound sleep – gets sure she is wrapped in blankets and her bunny securely clenched in tiny hands.

“Forgot to close it…” He scratches his neck with a yawn, the necklace clinks faintly against his old to-sleep-in t-shirt. His eyes follow your movements as you stride to close the window, too intensely for that late hour – he just wants to catch a glimpse of your chest again. To see it. Alex feels guilty, ashamed. Conscience tells him to leave any impure thoughts. At least keep them for later. At least not in the nursery. The starvation forms in him as a disease, it drives him crazy, urges him to want the closeness he never had to you before – closer than pregnancy. He doesn’t know what it is, how that closeness looks like or what sensations should give, and yet he desires it undeniably and deeply.

You close the window, capturing the family aura away from the other world. A warm island of chaos and love. Street sounds disappear, replacing with a monotony sound of ticking clocks and steady breaths, only flows of a wind still try to break inside. Turning to him, you see his lost-in-himself gaze, the usual one when he is reluctant to ache in the bones.

“I don’t think she gonna get a cold,” you reassure him, knowing his tendency for overthinking, but he shakes his head.

“Not that. I…” His eyes look over your body expectantly.

Your body still hasn’t changed to the form it has been in before, swollen and not entirely healed, but he doesn’t mind. Opposite. You shy away from his touch, scarcely but do, but he just wishes to feel you the way you are now, to know what your body became, to find out what he had done to you. It shouldn’t be perfect. Alex imagined his palms sink in your body, in your skin. Caressing it, examining it with new fondness, adoring it with acquired passion. Making love can’t bring the point of proximity he so violently wants, he needs it much tighter, much nearer. To cry with you, squeeze your body in a hug until you whimper in shock of your ribs being crushed.

“Jus’…” Alex sighs heavily, with his full lungs, “I feel like we aren’t the same.” He brushes back his tousled strands, then runs down his stubble with his palm, an anxious demeanor rests beneath the gestures. Gifting a glance to the crib, he mumbles, “Guess we shouldn’t discuss it ‘ere.”

You follow him out of the room, wondering, yet having guesses, what does he mean. The night lamp is left to defend Karen from dark monsters as you quietly close the door. Rooms ring with silence, you can hear his, with a tinge of heaviness, breath, fatigue slip out in between his exhales. You sit on messed up bedsheets, he lands on the bed beside you.

“Al… We can’t be the same when now… Karen is here,” you softly explain, fully knowing it’s tough to change the way they were living – in a windless atmosphere, that subsided away with the child. Playing a fool you now, too nervous to address elephant in the room you speak only vaguely.

“It’s… I know,” Alex grumbles at your stubborn attempt to not hear him, his palms curl into tight fists. “It’s not that. I feel like I haven’t touched you for an insanely long time. Too long time for me to bear, being completely honest, love.” His voice is raw and attacking, words come out without any hesitation nor stutter.

Your eyes follow his movements and behavior, brows furrowed, his body is tense and clearly the topic is hot, even burning – he was waiting to finally say things out loud, to speak out. The night, the lateness, the dark bedroom, such an inconvenient moment – you both want sleep to death, and yet it feels like a right time to finally explain ourselves. In cold shades of the night. Your delicate fingers entwined with his rough, making him look up at you. Alex’s eyes pierce you; his expression is written with disappointment about how much he probably pressures you right now, and hopefulness to feel you.

Alex bumps his forehead against your neck like a baby deer and you can’t hold back a chuckle. You love his little habits – this one might be your favorite. Nuzzling into your neck, breath lashes over your skin with a warm wave, his lips start peppering you with faint careful kisses, letting you pull away anytime. You close your eyes to let him take what he wants, your fingers find his hair, silky strands melt in between them leaving you in desire to never stop touching his hair. The softest hair you have ever touched. Uncoupling hands, his palm eagerly runs down your thigh to the knee, giving it a light squeeze. The fabric of your pajama pants is tepid, but the body underneath is characteristically hot.

The affection he gives you is silent with words but loud in caresses, you don’t have to question it. Alex is needy, he’s not the type to say be loud about feelings – the words he said a minute ago probably gathered in him for a long time like rainwater in the bucket, until it started to pour out of the rims. His nose huffs over your collarbone, giving a nip to the skin here as a kitten that just endeavors to learn how to bite. Your hand languidly slips from hair to the neck, and the little hunch on his back – his posture far from the best – you massage it, and he immediately straightens a bit. That makes you smile. Trailing your fingers to the nape of his neck once again, you play with short strand of his hair here, you twirl them around your finger, tug it, holding a tuft a hair in between fingertips. He isn’t greedy about reaction, pleasant shiver runs down the back and arms, a small twitch from bliss skips here and there. The moment could be ephemeral, except it feels like a step that should be taken after a newfound life, after pregnancy and with Karen now. There are still plenty of steps to take for both of you, and you are willing to do it as long as Alex is taking them with you.

His face playfully nuzzles into your cleavage clearly knowing you will start giggling. He grins but doesn’t stop just yet, his nose slides away the clinging fabric of your strap too. You feel the satisfaction of familiar scratching of his unkept stubble. Alex could blame everything on exhaustion, but age brings indifference to these things.

 “Alex…” you mutter through the quiet laughter.

He leaves one final kiss on your cheek, now looking at you, “Couldn’t help meself.” Just a second touch of his lips on your skin flourishes with the tingling joy inside. Alex’s smile is tired, with remnants of sleep, that already feels far away, his expression is warm to the pain in the chest, skin around eyes is creased in wrinkles but makes him more adorable. His voice is rough, just how you like it, and yet still there’s the tenderness glimmers through the intonation. You can’t hold back yourself from a peck on his lips – a quick one, but both of you close eyes to not waste even that little kiss.

“You want to do it now?” you whisper against his dry lips, you could feel the dry parts he usually bites away.

Alex swallows, “Yes.” His head dips back to your cleavage, his finger hooks another strap of your top to lower it down your delicate shoulder.

You let him have his way.

His body lashes over you like a wave, an intense one, you wrap arms round his neck as you lie down on the bed. The vein on his neck thrums with silent excitement keeping it at bay, as if emotions could wake little one in the next room. Alex caresses you gingerly as for the first time, as if you are the first flower that sees the light after the long chilly winter. He palms your waist under the top, it doesn’t feel the same – something is different, and he feel the urge to get used to the new you. He lifts it glancing at you as a scared animal, in case you want to stop. His lips never cease the kisses, he licks his lips to make kisses softer for you. You softly run over and through his hair, closing eyes you let yourself sail away and only soft sighs indicate your presence here.

Alex leaves a loving kiss on the rear, then makes his way to your sternum and kisses it with an especial sense. Fatigue crawls into eyelids and he decides to not stretch the moment because you are clearly tired too – to his desire to savor and go slowly he feels a tad of burning disappointment. There’s only a wish to catch up on intimacy in the morning. He lifts the top higher, the breasts are perked up just for him and not because of the cold, his lips wrap around the nipple, his eyes closing and he feels buzzing contentment throughout his body. With teeth he teases it and nips – your fingers tighten in his hair, means he does right. It awakens the tremble in his body, and you never could feel more loved than with him.

His face now finds yours again, leaving a fervent peck on your lips, and then another. Alex grinds his lower body against yours, arching into you with a groan as close as possible, his hardness in a satisfying bulge rubs against your pubic bone. You feel the rushed pulse strikes down to your lower body; the whimpering neediness appears right in your center.

“Bloody…” he mumbles out, with tightly shut eyes. He finally feels the closeness that was lacking between you and him all that time, “Fuck.”

The familiar feeling of your pajama trousers being moved down and thighs being spread, you lift on your elbows to watch him. Alex is between your legs, looking up at you as his fingers part your folds teasingly. His eyes are dark, deep, absorbing the wildness of an animal gradually appears. Following the reaction and how your face sculpts by pleasure he gives you, his mouth dives forward to partake you.

You lift your hips with a quiet whimper asking for more, your head bends down not being able to hold your neck for longer, “Please...” you beg shamelessly.

Alex’s another hand finds his cock, keeping his head where it should be, he squeezes himself through the fabric, it sends sparkles to his head – he feels dizzy. Lifting his ass, his hand finds way inside of the sweatpants. Closing his eyes, he touches himself, so openly in front of you, finally not lurking in the shower as previous times. Alex knows it wasn’t right. He should have told you, come to you. That felt dirty back then, treacherously, but when you watch him moving his palm up and down his shaft, relieve splashes through his body to the shiver. He adores being watched, he adores your sultry gaze at him while he reaches the bottom in front of you. Focusing on the tip of his cock, his mouth sucks at your clit, then burrows deeper inside as his curled fingers slide down close to the balls. Your noiseless gasps sound like you are about to lose breath, change with soft, almost innocent sighs in the process.

“Fuck…” he curses one more time. Sensations are overwhelming, a long break made both of you sensitive to ridiculousness.

His arms find the way under your body, sprawling on your lower back. Holding, gripping you tightly, that his wrists start to hurt with tension in them, his nose nudges against your pubic bone as his tongue licking stripes through your core. Your toes curling with a deep moan – never it felt so good like now. He grips your thigh, letting you throw it over his shoulder to let his tongue het deeper into you. Alex’s mouth slurps at you as the sweetest nectar alive, as the cat licking at the milk. Your back arches and lifts from the bed. That will be a vivid memory for you just as for him.

“Al…” you mumble out, losing yourself. Everything around fades away. Just the sensations he gives you. You are sure he knows what you mean again – you are about to finish with fireworks.

“Mhm.” Suddenly his finger pumps into you, giving a break to the mouth, as his cheek is leaned against your thigh watching you closing to the edge, “Let it go. Come, love.” His voice is loving soaked with longing.

Alex doesn’t waste time, stretching you more when he adds the second finger. He curls them inside with a winning smirk.

The sharp gasp sticks to the back of your throat when you are going through the climax. His mouth finds the way between your folds again, enveloping your clit with his lips completely, while you tug his hair to the pain in his scalp. Your legs tremble as Alex’s tongue flicks over you riding out your orgasm. He hums teasingly as if munching the cake.

Alex falls with his head on your stomach, his cock still demands for attention, but he barely can be up anymore. Not tonight, not now. Emotions and sensations take too much energy to bear, he clearly missed out that part. You gasp for breath, railing a hand through his hair, feeling how sweat strips down his forehead.

“Let me help you out too…” you murmur fervently, trying to force yourself to move not minding the pleasing after sex exhaustion.

Alex shakes his head, “In the mornin’, darlin’. Can’t move.” His eyes are already drooping. He is so quick with drifting away to a somnolent condition, usually there is not enough time to snap your fingers as you hear stable sleeping huffs.

You groan, “Alex.” That feels incredibly unfair not to give the passion back.

“Jus’ gimme a sec,” he mumbles with his rough voice that blurs with nearing sleep.

Giving up, you sigh. You untangle his hair, playing with it carelessly waiting a minute for him to reload and be able to function. First time during the intimacy you listen attentively – Karen sleeps. You breathe out, relieved. A small detail caught your attention. Being near Alex always meant enjoying, or not really, the smell of cigarettes on him. The scent gone – almost gone. The thought makes tiny smile raise on your lips; he became very attentive about his smoking addiction since you became pregnant, and he still is. Never smoke around the baby. It’s a rule.

A quiet snore comes out from Alex. Your eyes goes to him with raised brows. He dozed off, sprawled on your warm body using it like a pillow and heater at the same time.

“Al,” you whisper.

No reaction.

“Alex,” you say in the full voice.

“Wha’?” He shuddered at the loudness. What a silly innocent man. You like having him that way, just as only you can have. Tomorrow, he will be grumbling about the coffee machine and complaining about the weather. You call it oldie pattern – every day the same, but no way you would replace him with someone else. Once, you were told that every person contains something unreplaceable when they leave, you considered it with skepticism but if Alex would leave, you know for sure there is no other human being that could match you better. It hurts.

“Baby let’s move to the pillows,” you say. Both of your bodies lose its hotness, and you have a strong desire to slip under a blanket like a cat looking for a place to hide.

He grunts lifting on his elbows to look at you, hair falls on his eyes barricading the view. Barely he can form a thought nor some answer. Alex obediently climbs on pillows after all. God, he only hopes for at least four hours, it will be enough to survive the day. Maybe a nap after lunch. If Karen will be willing, of course.

“Want to sleep for years. Like a bloody volcano,” he murmurs.

You quietly giggle, snuggling close to him. You want absolutely and entirely the same.

Lying with him in bed always has special sense, you could feel the weight of his body near and that always brings you peace – he is there with you and safe. His arms encircle you in a loose hug, curtains are drawn letting in just a straw of light. You tuck your face into his neck sneakily breathing in the familiarity of him – his smell is your favorite, much better than vanilla or gasoline.

Alex started to snore again. He fell asleep, and this time you won’t bother him. You listen to his stable breath, look at his features, still mildly tight but soon he will look relaxed and younger. His back faces you. Your fingers feel his spine, every bone, you trace it up and down and hear a relieved sigh. Wrapping arm around him he unconsciously locks his fingers with yours, and then you let yourself sleep too.

a/n: it's not really good, i guess. i really didn't want to write smut, but thought it might have a place in the end. i write a fic that is much more important for me than this one. yeah. have no clue when i will post it but who cares anyway. bye bye.

masterlist

[sourcherryandsprinkles]

Hi. Could you write a rafe smut with 16 and 7 ‘’Be a good girl and spread your legs.’’ + ‘’Does that turn you on?’’

Here it is, part 2 of Rave x Thornton!reader (part 1 here)

Warnings: 18+, smut, p + v, mention of oral (f receiving)

my taglists are here + you can send requests here at any time

—

It was past 1am when the boys came home from the club. Judging by the voices, Topper's 23rd birthday had been well celebrated. Your brother didn't abuse alcohol very often, but you could hear his drunk voice talking to Rafe in the hallway. 

 You laughed quietly. Happy birthday, Top!

You heard his door close, then shortly after Rafe's opened. He didn't turn on the big light, moving around in his bedroom as he was taking off his clothes and tossing them in a corner before going into his en-suite bathroom for a quick shower. 

When he came out of his shower, that’s when he noticed you in his bed. 

‘’What are you doing in here?’’ he asked, a white towel wrapped around his waist. 

You didn’t move from the comfort of his pillows. ‘’I told you I was taking your bed.’’

‘’I never agreed to that. Get out.’’ Rafe dropped his towel and opened one of his dresser’s drawers to pull out a pair of clean underwear. He didn't care that you saw anything. It was nothing you hadn't seen before - or tasted.

You propped yourself up on the pillows, grinning mischievously. ‘’Come on, Rafe, you’re really gonna kick me out at this hour of the night? I’m already in bed.’’

‘’I don’t care. I don’t let people sleep in my bed.’’ He walked to his bed and yanked the covers from you, catching the small matching pink pajama set you were wearing. It was hugging your figure in a way that made his cock twitch. ‘’Take a pillow and get out. I have shit to do in the morning.’’ 

‘’I’m not sleeping on the fucking couch,’’ you said stubbornly, tipping your head up to look at Rafe. 

The latter groaned, his patience wearing thin at this hour of the night. Without warning, he reached down and firmly grabbed your ankles, roughly pulling you towards the edge of the bed. 

You grabbed at the sheets, trying to resist his grip, but he was stronger. ‘’What are you doing—’’

‘’Getting you out myself.’’ 

‘’I'm not leaving,’’ you repeated, pushing at his hands and kicking your legs and feet. ‘’Let go of me, Rafe.’’ 

In the midst of your erratic movements, one particular hard pull made Rafe lose balance and topple over you on the bed. The scene felt right out of a cliché enemies to lovers rom-com. Your first instinct was to push him off you, but then it came to your realization that you could use this position to your advantage. 

‘’Let's make a deal,’’ you suggested, trying to ignore the heavy body on you. ‘’Earlier, we got interrupted before I could fulfill my second part of the agreement. So, how about I let you fuck me and you let me stay here?’’ 

‘’Absolutely no—’’ 

Before he could finish his sentence or get up, you pushed your hips up, purposely rubbing your bottom halves together. Although there was thin cotton separating both, the contact made Rafe groan — and his cock stiffen. He usually didn't get hard so fast, but the alcohol in his blood was making his hormones increase. 

‘’What was that? I didn’t hear,’’ you asked with a teasing smile, tilting your head to the side. 

A mix of desire and frustration filled the blue eyes looking down at you. He was trying to resist your advances, but Rafe was a guy and he was having a full on cock to brain dilemma. 

You gasp when his mouth crashed on yours. You won.

There was nothing slow or sweet about this kiss. It was rough and passionate and heated, just mouths smashing into each other. Exactly what you expected from Rafe Cameron after getting his patience tested by his best friend's little sister. 

His hand ghosted over your jawline, along the side of your neck, and then you felt him wrap it around your throat just lightly enough that you noticed it. Rafe broke the kiss, his blue eyes looking right into yours. No one ever did this to you, but you didn’t hate it. Your lips curled into a devilish grin, waiting for his next move.  

‘’I’m gonna show you how I deal with little bitches like you.’’ 

Rafe’s words had you dripping between your legs. Some girls preferred to be good, but it wasn’t your case. You liked to tease and get punished. 

He nudged your knees apart with his and you melted into his touch, mewling when he pressed against your clothed clit. ‘’Does that turn you on?’’ 

You pushed your hips against him to get more friction, but he removed his knee and stood to get a condom. One thing about Rafe was that he never hooked up with a girl bare. 

‘’This needs to come off,’’ Rafe said when he returned to the bed. He peeled off your pajama shorts and panties in one go. ‘’Be a good girl and spread your legs.’’ 

You spread your legs as wide as they’ll go, giving him the perfect view of how dripping wet your pussy was. Being completely exposed like this should be embarrassing, but if your legs could open wider, you would. You clenched around nothing, feeling Rafe's eyes on you.

‘’Look at that,’’ he said, giving your pussy a tap that echoed in the room. You squirmed at the contact, secretly wanting him to do it again. ‘’Looks better from the vip seat.’’ He then pulled at your pajama top up to free your tits and palmed your breasts as his fingers rolled your nipples, pinching it hard.

You hissed and his face bored the meanest smirk as he ripped the foil packet. He jerked himself a few times before rolling on the condom. 

You were about to be completely ruined. 

Rafe teased your clit with his tip, but plunged his cock into your cunt before you could push back against him for more. It would be a lie if you said it didn't hurt, your tight walls hugging every inch of his cock. 

You had been thinking of this since Topper interrupted you in the afternoon. How his cock would feel inside you. And now it was finally happening.

You grabbed at the bedsheets until the discomfort subsided, pleasure slowly taking over as Rafe began to thrust. You gasped in pleasure, clenching around him.  

He folded your legs for a deeper angle and groaned, looking down and watching his thick cock disappearing in and out of you. ‘’Such a good pussy. Surprised it’s still so tight after getting stretched out so often.’’

The urge to slap him was strong, but every thrusts felt so good that if you opened your mouth, only high pitched cries would come out. He may be an asshole, but the dick was good. 

Getting bored with this position, Rafe pulled out and flipped you over like a ragdoll, your bare ass raised in the air. You didn’t get time to register what was happening; Rafe wasted no time and began pounding you from behind, his big hands gripping your hips. You pressed your face in the mattress to muffle your moans, terrified that Topper would hear on the other side of the hallway. He was likely sleeping like the dead, but you didn’t want to risk it.

It was a matter of minutes before you felt close to your edge, the sounds of wet slapping of skin mixing with Rafe’s low groans echoing in the room. You reached below you to rub your throbbing neglected clit, but Rafe grabbed your hand with a vice grip and pushed you down on the mattress, holding you down as he pounded his last thrusts. 

When he was done, Rafe pulled out and threw the used condom in the trash, then flopped on his bed and pulled the covers over himself, leaving you there. ‘’Good night.’’ 

‘’Are you being serious?’’ 

Rafe looked at you, amused by how mad you looked. ‘’Aw, you haven’t cum yet?’’ 

You narrowed your eyes at him. He knew. He was doing this on purpose. 

‘’Get over here. Sit on my face, I’m tired.’’

—

OBX taglist: @moralina @eudximoniakr @toylewestinnyc @rottenstyx  @sweeterheartxamerica  @jordierama @viridwityy @izzy-laufeyson @kenzi-woycehoski @lilaconner @Katsukis1Wife  @hawkegfs @mommyruuetrue  @acornacreacure @snownjune @nmedina8611 @slvtherinseeker  @slvtherinseeker @poppet05 @1stevelacyfan @illf4iry @withbeautyandrage  @maybankslover @sunflowerziva @laylasbunbunny @Honey-marvel15 @leoluvsur-pappy @slytherhoes @kcskye123 @outerbanksacc  @pedrosprincess  @mikaelsonsstuff  @skyesthebomb  @a1mzcruml3y @iluurmom  @popeheywardssecretgf  @madelynie  @loverofdrewstarkey  @radiant-whore  @outsider-at-hogwarts @luci1fer @bbycowboi @rafecameronsbadussy @urbfsbitchlol @nomorespahgetti @bloodyhw @Veescorneroftheworld  @papayaboyluvr @slytherinambitious @darylscvmdumpster @tommysaxes @johannelis2302nely @lynbubble  @straberryshortcake143 @beth-gallagher22 @doestalker @rubyliquor @theflcwer @angelxxrose @sierraluvzz @cruzgrecia @evelestrange @sunnysunny133696  @under-seasoned-pasta @hoeforsirius  @buckyswhxre @emerald-09  @simonessolarsystem @rehead1180 @stvrkey

All and more taglist:  @kenqki  @hawkegfs  @gillybear17   @black-rose-29 @fudge13 @cece05 @laylasbunbunny @gemofthenight @beautyb1ade   @mellabella101 @vxnity713  @bisexualgirlsblog @queenofslytherin889 @thatbxtchesblog @softb-tterfly @ethanlandrycanbreakmyheart  @xyzstar  @graceberman3   @mikeyspinkcup @jackierose902109 @daisydark @laurasdrey @mischieftom @fanatic4niall @peterholland04 @idkwhattonamethisblogs  @lexasaurs634  @notasadgirlipromise @zoeynicolas @thejuleshypothesis @multi-fandom-bi-bitch @lexasaurs634  @notasadgirlipromise @thejuleshypothesis  @katherinejess  @rafesgirlstuff  @lafleshlumpeater @iamluminosity

[hmhas-00]

Ch. 21

Hit Me Hard & Soft

A/N- Okay so everyone get ready because it’s about get messyyy. Like and rb, it makes me happy! 🤍

Billie’s POV

I woke, my eyes failing to focus for a few minutes, shutting again, then opening as I fully came to. My hand involuntarily swung backward, dropping flat on the nightstand behind me, tapping around, fishing for my phone. The time read 10:15am, which was earlier than I thought, especially since it wasn’t unusual for me to stay up past 2am most nights.

Now that I’m back home for the next few months, it’s become more and more difficult to close my eyes at night, without psychoanalyzing aspects of my life I couldn’t even change. So, instead, I chose to stimulate my brain with mindless scrolling, rewatching movies, occasionally attempting to write a new song… Nothing good came out of it.

I left my phone next to me in bed, pulling the duvet over my head. I could just go back to sleep, I thought. Wake up a couple hours later to save myself, buy some time before I had to use my brain at full, self-scrutinizing capacity. However, today was different. Today was my birthday.

I threw the covers off me and got out of bed in one swift motion. I entered the bathroom, purposely looking past the things that were not mine, and turning on the shower. Stripping, I keep my eyes on the mirror in front of me so I don’t notice the black, glittery toothbrush in a clear cup, next to my electric one.

I knew better than to pay too much attention to Remy’s belongings at my vanity. The day I came back home from tour, I crashed in bed. I slept the majority of the day, but as soon as my body refueled, I noticed every single one of Remy’s things she’d left behind for the next time she visited. Her shimmery lotion, her skin care products, a hairbrush…

In the shower, I let the steam open up my pores with closed eyes, leaning my head back so the hot water can soak my long hair. On autopilot, I reach for my shampoo, but knock over whatever is next to it. I bend over to pick up a half-empty, white and blue Verb shampoo bottle, as it spills out a bit on the tile. The smell filled the air, giving me all too familiar flashbacks.

“Give me my phone back!” I yelled, pouncing in her bed, cornering her against the wall she always slept next to. Giggles echoed in the room, the neighbors probably hearing every one of them.

“Not until I hear this!” We wrestled over what would be a message I sent Finneas about my feelings for Remy.

She tapped play on the iMessage thread, my voice note getting louder as she messed with the volume.

“…It’s just so fucking frustrating… How bad I want her and she’s right there in front of me…”

I mustered up the strength to climb up and straddle her, putting my knees over her arms, finally being able to take the phone from her hands before I said her name. I deleted the thread, locking my phone and throwing it off the bed.

“Noo!” She layed limp under me, giving up her fight.

I hovered over her, panting from previously running in circles around furniture, through the tiny apartment, onto her bed, and struggling to take what was mine. I watched her chest rise and fall with each breath, as I tried to catch mine.

“Fuck. You’re fast.” She laughed.

“And you’re annoying.” I rolled my eyes in between shallow breaths.

She looked up at me with her beautiful eyes, her cheeks flushed, and her mouth slightly open.

I rolled off, flopping next to her, finally noticing where the fruity scent was coming from. Her hair smelled like fresh cucumber and pear, with base notes of fresh floral blossoms. It always smelled so good, even when we were sweaty mouth breathers, inches away from each other’s faces.

“Who’s the girl!” She quickly turned to lay on her tummy, kicking her feet in the air.

“No one you know.” I stared at the ceiling, my heart rate not as normal as hers yet. How could I steady my breathing when she was this close to finding out. I lied, trying to save my ass. I didn’t know if she bought it, but she eventually stopped bugging me about it.

I put the shampoo, and its matching conditioner bottle, on the top glass ledge, out of reach. I thought about using some of it, but I knew smelling it all day would only make me suffer.

I went along with my day, trying not to think about tonight. I’d be spending my first birthday without her in over 10 years. My friends and family insisted they throw me a party, but to be honest, the last thing I wanted to do was go. I wanted to see everyone, spend time with everyone there, and even the thought of being distracted for a long time tempted me. I just know I’d miss her, that it would just make me emotional. I don’t know how, but I don’t want to find out in front of all those people.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Before I could even realize, I was at my party, surrounded by people who love and admire me. My lack of awareness started to become a hazard as I knocked over someone’s drink when they walked by. Mentally, I didn’t know where I was. Just going through the motions, holding conversations with people, although completely disengaged.

After walking around and thanking people for coming, I took a seat. My friends were huddled around a coffee table, where the usual game of Uno took place. They offered me to join but I declined.

Hours went by and the night carried me through several interactions successfully. No one even knew I was missing the other half of my heart. I pride myself in being able to hide it so well, all the time.

My mom waded through pools of people, smiling at me. She sat, wrapping an arm around me. “How‘s the birthday girl?”

“I love you, mom. Really, this is awesome.” I leaned my face in the crook of her neck. “You guys didn’t have to.”

“Oh, but we did.” She kissed my head. “Dad and I are gonna take off. Enjoy your night, okay, honey?”

I looked at the time, surprised it was already almost midnight. “Get home safe, mom. I’ll see you later. Thanks again!” I shot her a smile as she stood up, getting up and bear hugging her before she left.

I walk over to the kitchen, looking down at my phone, scrolling through hundreds of birthday wishes from everybody. Except Rem. I stuff it carelessly back in my pocket, pouring myself something to drink.

“Do you have any water?” A voice behind me startles me out of my thoughts.

I look over my shoulder to see a girl standing behind the island. “Maybe in the fridge.”

I reach over and open it as she walks up and searches. The fridge light glows on her as she pulls out a small bottle, twisting the cap and tilting it back to drink.

I lean on the kitchen counter, sipping my drink, eying her over my cup as she chugged water. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. A wave of dejavú passed over me, as she finished the bottle, wiping her mouth and taking a deep breath.

“I needed that.” She laughed, her cheeks forming small dimples. Her hair has the same texture, the same pattern in which it falls over her shoulders. The same hair color and almost the same way she styles her bangs. There was an uncanny resemblance to Remy that I couldn’t ignore.

“What are you drinking?” She snapped me out of it, leaning back on the island counter across from me. The hem of her olive green halter top lifted a bit, revealing a strip of tan skin over her low rise jeans.

“Ginger ale.” I bring my gaze up, taking a sip.

“Want me to make you a birthday drink?” She smiled.

“No thanks, I don’t really drink.” I fixed my hair, fidgeting. “What’s your name?”

“Ellie. I don’t really drink either. Except for when I do.” She laughed.

“Ellie. I love that name.”

“It’s short for Elena.” She smiled.

My eyes wandered all over her as she talked, trying to figure out where I know her from. If I even do. My gaze fixed on her hip, where I noticed a dainty, fine line tattoo trailing down into her jeans. I want to know what it is.

“Where’d you come from?” I took a step forward, leaning on the same counter as her now.

“I came with Sydney, she said it would be okay.” She looked down, licking her lips.

“It’s totally okay.” I looked at her, sipping my drink.

She breathed out a laugh, “I didn’t mean to crash your party.”

“Hey, I didn’t make the guest list, I just showed up.” I kept my eyes on her, switching my target from her lips to her eyes. There was a slight difference I noticed in the curvature of her lips. Her cupids bow wasn’t as pronounced as Remy’s but they were just as full.

“I’ll see you around.” She passed by me, her hips swaying me to follow after her.

I watched her walk away, crazy ideas flowing through my mind. A light wash pair of low-rise mom jeans hugged her curves in the right places. I take another sip, looking around and landing my eyes on a bottle of gin. I pour out the rest of my can into a glass, following it up with a couple ounces of gin, and add a lime for no reason.

I walk out to the crowd, making half-assed small talk with people, hoping to run into Ellie again.

The rest of the party makes me feel somewhat normal again. I get several drinks throughout the night, play some games, even dance a little with my friends. Occasionally, Remy pops up in my mind, but only because I keep catching glimpses of that girl around the house.

“Do you need a closer look?” I felt a soft tap behind my shoulder as I danced. A playful laugh caught my attention and I spun around. It was her.

“Huh?” I blushed, feeling stupid. She definitely caught me staring at her every chance I got.

“You keep that up, you’ll give me false hope.” She smiled, sipping her drink, swaying to the music.

I laughed with her, noticing my friends exchanging glances, giving us space.

“Are you doing anything after this?” I managed to get out, tipping back the last of my drink.

She shook her head, “Depends.”

I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to think of something equally smart, but I fail. Instead, I find myself watching her turn around in one fluid movement, her body undulating against me. The alcohol made everything feel like slow motion. Her energy was such a captivating mix of sensuality and playfulness, it was impossible not to go along with it. Her hips welcomed my touch, as her hands intertwined with mine, tracing them up her waist and beyond.

I sang along to the music, letting go of all my rigidness, all my worries, all my precautions. Her laughter echoed in my ear as we lost ourselves in the moment. Her curves gliding and causing friction against my body while I gripped her waist sent electric shivers down my spine with every pulse of music.

I want her so bad.

“You wanna get out of here?” I leaned into her ear.

She grabbed my hand, “Let’s go.” Her devilish grin sent shivers down my spine. I took the lead and guided her through the crowd, out the door, and into my car.

“Let’s go to my place.” She smirked. “It’s like five minutes away.”

“Alright, put your address in.” I hand her my phone with Apple Maps open.

When we arrived at her apartment, she took her seatbelt off as I parked.

She put a hand on my wrist and looked into my eyes. “I have a roommate, I hope you don’t mind.” She batted her long lashes, licking her lips, waiting for my response as I melted at her presence. “She’s really chill. She’s probably already asleep honestly.”

“Yeah, that’s cool.” I nodded, taking my seatbelt off.

We made our way up to her door. I trailed behind her as she unlocked it quietly and brought me inside. Her place was bigger than Remy’s. A two bedroom with a large living room area. It was neat and tidy, just like Remy’s but it smelled different, and the decor wasn’t as cozy. It was more… beige. Maybe her room would be more colorful.

“Well look who’s finally home.” A voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “Oh! Hey.” She turned the corner, surprised to see me too.

“I thought you’d be asleep.” Ellie laughed.

“I came out for a snacky snack.” She put her dark curls in a bun. Her long, oversized tee barely allowed her shorts to show under them.

“Come on.” Ellie gestures me toward her room. She disappears through a hallway and waits for me at her door.

I look back at her friend, who is standing on her tippy toes, reaching into the cupboard. “It’s nice to meet you, uh-“

“Trinady.” She smiles.

I smile back, walking down the hall, toward a white, bedroom door. I turn the knob, pushing it open.

[milkoomi]

₊˚⊹ ᰔ new year, new you ᝰ.ᐟ

everyone always talks about their “new year’s resolutions” but never really follows through with them. instead of creating those resolutions, practice new routines & lifestyle changes while going into the new year!

let’s begin !!

ᝰ.ᐟ set small goals

while having bigger goals set for yourself is great, you should still set smaller goals for yourself that can be achieved in an easier manner! keeping your goals simple can lead to greater and bigger successes while still leading you on the path to complete those bigger goals for yourself or just put you on a better path for your own personal growth!

small goal examples:

practicing good, proper hygiene! making sure you brush your teeth everyday, being consistent with your skincare routine, taking daily showers, etc. taking good care of yourself can be a great small goal to set for yourself! especially for those who struggle with their mental health (like myself), practicing these simple tasks and creating goals out of them makes you feel more accomplished! & with more accomplishments, the better you might start to feel!

making your bed every morning! getting into this simple habit can help you feel more put together & prepared for your day! i honestly struggle with this one because i’m always so busy, but the times i have been more consistent with this have always led to me having better & more productive days!

increase your water intake! staying hydrated is so, so important! plus!! water has a plethora of benefits! what helped me start drinking more water than other fluids was by simply getting a cute, new water bottle for myself. having something that i thought was super cute to drink out of helped me drink more water!

cooking more! honing your own cooking skills & also spending less money on outside food is a great small goal to set for yourself! you can always start small by picking one meal out of your day to cook for yourself whether that be breakfast, lunch, or dinner! try choosing one of those meal times to dedicate to cooking at home and then you can gradually start cooking more of those meals personally!

journal at least once a day/week! whether you find a good journaling prompt or if you’re reflecting on how your day/week went, journaling more is a fantastic way to go into the new year and bring that with you as the year progresses! it helps you practice mindfulness, regulate/process/comprehend your emotions & thoughts, and can also even help with just your own writing skills!

getting 7-8 hours of sleep! setting up a good sleep schedule for yourself & practicing going to bed earlier was one of the goals i had set for myself this year actually! it’s helped me so much because i used to struggle with insomnia like really, really bad, but ever since i set that goal for myself to get at least 7 hours of sleep, my sleep schedule has greatly improved and now my body is so used to going to bed at an earlier time! sleep is so important for your physical and mental health, so do try to set that goal for yourself!

ᝰ.ᐟ be more active

you don’t have to jump right into the gym or immediately come up with some kind of workout schedule, but just simply getting your body moving more will be enough to jumpstart becoming more active! go on walks, play just dance or dance to your fav songs, do some simple yoga, get those morning stretches in, or (if you can & the weather permits it) walk to school/work!

ᝰ.ᐟ lessen your screen time

this is something i’ve gotta work on myself, but lessening your screen time & being more focused on the present and being in the present can be so fulfilling. if i’m ever out on a date with my fiancé or hanging out with friends, i try to keep my phone in my bag or pocket so that i can really be immersed in the moment. also just finding more hobbies and things to do that don’t involve your phone can really help to romanticize your own life if that’s what you wanna do! go outside, spend time with your family/loved ones, work on art, make music— do something that makes you happy but doesn’t involve your phone.

social media especially can have such an impact on your life, more negatively than you may think. if you want to be on your phone to chat with friends or listen to music, try disconnecting from your socials! free yourself from the toxicity that social media might bring you and i promise you’ll see a change! i recently deleted my twitter account & i’ve been avoiding doom scrolling on tiktok, and i seriously mean it when i say this: i’ve been so much happier!

ᝰ.ᐟ dedicate more time to your studies

this is for anyone who’s currently still in school (whether that be high school or college), but putting more time into your education will be putting so much more effort into your own future! being able to have the opportunity to be educated is a privilege, and if you’re lucky enough to be able to attend school (and even afford it), focus more of your time to your studies! success starts in school!

also, if you aren’t in school but you’re maybe learning a new language, learning a new art form, teaching yourself a new skill; spend more time honing those things and focusing on getting better at them! teaching yourself something new or learning something different than what you already know just makes the mind stronger!

side note: don’t push yourself too hard when it comes to your studies. remember to take breaks! i had to take a couple gap years from college because i was burnt out, and if you feel like you need to take a semester off or even a gap year, do it! school will always be there when you’re ready to go back! your own mental and emotional well-being always comes first!

ᝰ.ᐟ learn to let go

there’s so many things from this year that have probably held you back from so many different things. whether it was a toxic friendship/relationship, unhealthy social media trends that kept you from being you, habits that probably impacted your health; learn to them go. leave them behind in 2024, don’t start the new year with things or people who have kept you from being happy. learn to never let anyone or anything disrupt your peace!

i’ve cut off toxic friends this year and, as i mentioned earlier, i spent less time on & even deleted social media that i felt was hurting my own well-being, and let me tell you, i’ve been happier! it’s so freeing to finally let go of things that have been holding you back from your potential to be the person you want to be. you’re allowed to live how you want, but that can’t happen if you hold onto things and people who keep you from doing so!

ᝰ.ᐟ start planning

this is something i’ve been practicing getting into the habit of! having some kind of planner (whether it’s a physical planner or a digital one) will just help you feel more organized! especially if you’re in school or your job requires a lot of deadlines to be met or even if you just want to keep track of important dates, keeping a planner and actually using it will not only keep you up to date, but also help with your time management and help you prepare for the day, week, or month ahead!

𝜗𝜚 final notes 𝜗𝜚

let 2025 be your year! you can achieve great things even if you start small, but you can’t be your best when you aren’t doing the best for yourself! be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself, and always show yourself love and care. if you want to be a newer, better version of you, it’s all gotta start with learning to care for yourself how you want to be cared for!

live and love, babe.

sincerely, juno ⭑.ᐟ

[punksyeet]

- Jealousy ❥

Plot: After watching her man do a segment with another female on television, Gianna (OC) becomes super jealous. And let’s just say that, when he finds out, she’s snapped right back out of her delusions.

Warning: Hefty flirting and smut!

It's Monday night and I just finished an everything shower and changed into some comfy PJs.

I make some popcorn, head to my couch, and wrap myself in a comfy blanket.

"Right on time," I whisper, smiling as the classic WWE introduction appears on my screen.

Tiffany Stratton is opening the show, so I take the opportunity to text my boyfriend Josh.

My Lady 💍��: Hi lovebug. Have a good show. I'll be watching! <3

My Love 🤍: Thank you babygirl. Your support means the world. I love you. ❤️

My Lady 💍🩵: I love you too 🫶🏽

Some time later, the Bloodline appears on my screen and I smile and get comfy in my seat.

Josh is wearing a black shirt that reads "Right Hand Man" and his hair is all damp and curly.

He's standing between his brother and cousin, who share some rather negative looks.

"One day, Uce, you gon' be in the Hall of Fame," Josh’s twin brother, Jon, begins. "Yeah! Future Hall of Famer! But you ain't gon' be inducted as Roman Reigns, Uce. You gon' be inducted as a spoiled bitch."

I raise my eyebrows, as I pop another piece of popcorn into my mouth, my eyes never leaving the screen.

"You see what he's doing?" Joe, their cousin, asks after turning to him. "What'd I tell you? You see how he's putting you out there in the middle?"

"Ain't nobody doing that, Uce!" Jon fights back.

And soon enough, they're talking over one another, both trying to get into Josh’s head.

I watch, heavily intrigued, as my boyfriend finally spazzes out on them both.

"Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Chill out! Enough!" he yells. "Man, I'm tired of this!”

“I’m tired of you!” he continues, turning to Jon.

“And I’m tired of you!” he says again, but turned to Joe this time.

There’s some silence before Josh finally breaks it again. “Man I’m out!”

Eyes widened, I sit there chewing slowly.

Did he really just walk away from them?

Is he finally cracking after all the manipulation?

While Jon and Joe continue arguing on the screen, all I can think about is Josh.

I know WWE is scripted - hell I work for the company - but it almost kills me to see Jey hurting so bad.

As the show rolls on, I unexpectedly see my man on the screen again.

Two segments in one night? I see you baby!

I sit up and smile, until a female makes her way over to him. And this said female is......B-Fab?!

My smile slowly fades as I turn up the volume.

"Hi Jey," she coos flirtatiously, stroking his biceps. "I saw you and your family arguing earlier. And uh, I just wanted to let you know that if you ever need someone, I'm here."

She kisses his cheek and prances away.

He doesn't speak a word in reply - he kinda just stands there, arms folded, with a look on his face.

A look of confusion I’d say.

My cheeks become hot to the touch and my blood pressure must've increased by 500.

I know I shouldn't be acting this way, but I can't help it.

That bitch was all over him.

And putting her crusty lips on his face? Really?

I let out a deep sigh, turn off my TV, and head to my bedroom.

About half an hour after the show ends, my phone rings.

I look at the contact name: My Love 🤍

I take a deep breath before answering.

G: "Hi."

J: "Hey baby. Whatchu up to?"

G: "Relaxing in bed."

J: "Oh. You're not watching the show?"

G: "I turned it off early tonight."

There's a bit of silence and he breaks it.

J: "Gotcha. So what'd you think? Jon and Joe killed it, huh?"

G: "Yeah."

There's a pause again.

J: "Is everything alright ma? You sound kinda...out of it?"

G: "I'm fine."

J: "Nah your 'I'm fine' means the exact opposite. What's wrong?"

G: "I said I'm fine."

J: "But, baby, you're no-"

G: "Babe I'm fine."

He stays silent once again.

J: "Alright ma, if you say so. I just called to give you an update. I'm headed home now."

G: "Okay."

I hate that I’m so upset over this, but you can’t blame me.

That bitch was all over him.

J: "Baby, are you sure nothing is wrong? Please talk to me."

G: "It's nothing. I promise."

There's yet another moment of silence, and I hear him take a deep breath before speaking again.

J: "Any chance this is about my segment tonight?"

I stop in my tracks and stay silent for a minute.

Maybe if I play dumb he’ll believe me.

G: "Why would a bloodline segment bother me? You guys have been fighting for weeks."

J: "Baby, you know what I mean. My segment with B-Fab."

G: "Oh."

J: "Oh?"

I sigh, mentally facepalming myself.

G: "I know I shouldn't be jealous. I know it's all scripted. I know we get paid to do stuff like this. I know it's strictly professional. But I can't stand how close she was to you."

He lets out a deep sigh before responding.

J: "I understand my love. I'm sorry if it upset you."

G: "No, Josh. You don't need to apologize. I'm the one that got jealous. And I should know better. I'm sorry."

J: "Once again ma, I completely understand."

A moment of silence falls over the call before he speaks up again.

J: "How about I come over and we can have the night all to ourselves? That way we can talk in person."

G: "Are you sure? I don't wanna get in the way if you had plans to go home."

J: "Babygirl, you know you're never in the way. I'll see you in a bit. I love you."

G: "I love you too."

—————————————————————————————————

About twenty minutes later, I hear my front door open and close.

The sound is followed by footsteps that get closer and closer to my bedroom.

Josh knocks on the door and peeks his head in. "Baby?"

"Hi," is all I can utter out.

I feel so guilty.

He gives me a soft smile, shuts the door behind him, and walks over.

"Hi beautiful," he replies, leaning down and wrapping his arms around me.

He smells incredible. And feels incredible too. So warm and soft. So comforting.

I take a deep breath, resting my head on his chest, as he rubs my back.

"You okay?" he asks, pulling out of the hug, his hands moving to my arms.

I shake my head slowly. "I feel so guilty. I don't know why I got like that. I'm so sorry."

A soft smile appears on his face, as he tucks a curl behind my ear. "Like I told you a thousand times, I understand mama. If anything, I'm glad you still get jealous after all this time we've been together."

I raise an eyebrow. "Really?"

He nods. "Really."

I can't help but smile.

He truly knows every way to make me feel better.

"There's that beautiful smile," he coos, cupping my face and stroking my cheek with his thumb.

After a few seconds of staring into each other's eyes, he leans in and presses his lips to mine.

I sigh in the kiss and practically melt in his arms.

I'm so lucky. So lucky that he's all mine. So lucky that he loves me and only me. My beautiful boy.

After a few strokes, we slowly pull away.

He gently lays me down and hovers over me and resumes the kiss, as his cold chain brushes against my chest.

He eventually moves down to my neck, giving me light and wet kisses across my chest.

"Ba-" I try to speak but he interrupts.

"Shhh," he says quietly. "I love you and only you, princess. Let daddy prove that to you."

"Baby you don't have to prove anyth-" I begin but I'm cut off again.

This time, by him pressing his lips to mine once more.

** smut warning! **

The kiss turns steamy quick, as his hands slide up my shirt and play with my breasts.

"Mmm," I moan into the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him closer.

"You like that mama?" he mumbles against my lips, and proceeds to glide his tongue across mine.

"Mhm," I reply, tugging at his bottom lip softly.

"Use your words baby," he orders, sliding one of his hands up to my neck and ever so gently gripping it.

"Y-yes daddy," I utter between moans.

He smirks and brushes his thumb across my bottom lip. "Good girl."

Moans uncontrollably pour out of my mouth as he kisses his way down my body, giving me tons on my inner thighs.

"J-Josh?" I whisper, my fingers wrapped in his curls.

"Hm?" he replies, in between kisses.

I bite my lip and hesitate before speaking up. "C-can you fuck me already?"

He lifts his head up and raises an eyebrow once his eyes meet mine. "Feeling extra impatient tonight, I take it?"

I nod, my bottom lip between my teeth. "Very. I need you so bad baby."

"Well then," he begins, taking off his shirt and exposing his sexy tattooed chest and torso. "What my baby girl wants, my baby girl gets."

I softly moan at his dirty words, as he reaches down and pulls up my shirt.

Once it's completely off, he throws it across the room.

"Look at you mama," he coos, playing with my breasts once again. "So fucking sexy. How you could even remotely think I'd want anyone else.....it's insane."

My back automatically arches and my face practically meets my headboard as he takes both of my breasts into his mouth and buries his face between them.

And soon enough, he slides my shorts off, kissing down my body and places a wet one just above my pussy.

"Daddy stop teasing mee!" I whine, tugging at his hair.

He smirks, buries his head between my legs, and proceeds to give me the best head of my life.

From his thick tongue, to his plump and soft lips, I feel like I'm ascending the entire time.

After he swallows my cum, he gives my clit one last kiss and sits up.

"Flip over and get on all fours," he orders.

I obey and, as I'm doing so, he pulls down his sweats and boxers.

He kneels behind me, pressing his dick onto my ass and places one hand on my hip and the other on my back, signaling for me to arch it.

"Mmmm," he moans, slapping my ass. "You're such a good girl for me baby. I love you so fucking much."

"I love you too daddy," I reply.

He bends over my back, pulls my neck up gently, and pulls me in for a sloppy kiss.

"Mmm fuck me," I mumble against his lips, and proceed to suck on his tongue.

He chuckles, tugging on my lip gently, and whispers in my ear. "You got it sexy girl."

Moments later, he's absolutely railing me, giving me the best back shots I've had in a painfully long amount of time.

Once I'm used to his size, I start throwing it back and bouncing on his long and dreamy cock.

"Fuck baby," he whispers, grabbing my ass and thrusting into me harder. "You take this dick so good. You're daddy's girl. Forever."

As moans uncontrollably leave my body, I reach back and he instantly takes my hand and intertwines our fingers.

He kisses my knuckles and continues railing into me. "This is my pussy, right baby?"

"Uh huh," is all I can get out, my face pressed against the pillow and mouth hanging open.

"Use your words, pretty girl. I wanna hear you say it. Whose pussy is this?" he asks, still thrusting into me.

"I-it's your pussy d-daddy. M-my pussy b-be-belongs to you. And only you." I say, obeying his every word.

He slaps my ass. "That's right princess. Good girl."

About fifteen thrusts later, I explode everywhere. With zero warning.

Oh the things this man does to me.

** smut over! **

Once he pulls out, I plop down, panting like crazy, my face never leaving the pillow.

He chuckles and cleans me up, then proceeds to lay next to me and rub my back. "You feel good baby?"

I nod slowly, unable to speak a word.

"Good," he replies and kisses my bottom lip. "I'll get a bath started, okay?"

I nod again and finally start to catch my breath, and he kisses my shoulder and heads to the bathroom.

** Josh's POV **

Just as I'm shutting the faucet for my lady's bath, the door opens.

I look up and my beautiful lady is standing there, her hair all messy, but her face as gorgeous and glowy as ever.

"Hi baby," she coos, blushing hard.

I stand up, giving her a warm smile as I kiss her cheek. "Hi beautiful. You okay?"

She nods and plays with my hair. "I just gotta pee."

We share a laugh and I move out of her way. "You're adorable mama. Go ahead."

Once she finishes, I take her hand and help her into the tub.

"Mmm," she moans lightly, as she sinks into the water.

Watching over her, I smile.

I love when my lady is relaxed. It relaxes me.

"Is it good mama? Need anything changed?" I ask, feeling the water.

She shakes her head. "It's perfect."

I smile and kiss the top of her hand. "I'm glad, baby. I'll be in the bedroom if you need me."

I start heading towards the door until she calls me. "Baby?"

I turn around, looking back.

She holds out her arms as if she's asking for a hug. "Join me?”

I smile and gladly accept, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her neck.

Soon enough, we're both in the tub - my beautiful lady's back against me.

"I love you baby," I coo, and proceed to kiss her temple.

She rests her head on my shoulder so that she can look up and see me.

We make eye contact and she smiles, brushing our noses together. "I love you too Josh. More than anything. More than you'll ever know."

I hold her chin gently and we share a kiss.

Not a peck. But not a makeout.

Just a sweet, lengthy, and passionate kiss.

My favorite kind of kiss to share with the love of my life.

About twenty minutes later, we finish our bath.

I help her wrap into her fuzzy robe and watch as she does her skincare.

She's so stunning without even trying. I'll never understand it.

She catches me staring through the mirror and smirks. "What are you lookin at?"

I flash a soft smile and playfully slap her juicy ass. "You."

"Take a picture," she begins. "It'll last longer."

I raise an eyebrow and fold my arms. "Maybe. But that pussy of yours won't if you don't relax yourself."

Her mouth drops open and I take the opportunity while I can, grabbing her face and shoving my tongue down her throat.

It turns into our third makeout of the night, as I lift her up and put her on the counter.

Her arms wrap around my neck, her hands stroking my curls.

Best feeling ever.

My hands slide down her hips, stroking her inner thighs and pulling her in closer.

"Mmm," she moans, pushing my hands away and separating our mouths. "Baby my pussy has been through enough tonight."

I smirk, licking my lips. "Alright you get a pass tonight. But once you feel up to it, you're all mine."

She giggled and kisses the corner of my mouth. "Deal."

I kiss her temple and head into our bedroom to find something to sleep in.

I lay in bed, scrolling through my phone, until I see my lady walking out of the bathroom.

I smile as she walks over and climbs into bed.

I wrap her in my arms and she lays her head on my chest.

"Tonight was a dream," she begins. "Maybe I should claim to be jealous more often."

I chuckle and kiss her cheek. "No need, mama. Just say the words and I'll gladly fuck your brains out any time."

She smirks, plays with my beard, and yawns.

"Get some sleep babygirl," I whisper, running my fingers through her hair.

Her favorite feeling.

She nods and kisses my cheek. "I love you."

I smile and kiss hers back. "I love you too mama. Goodnight."

Tag list: @uceyliyahh ♡

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[glo0b]

Cuddles with a croc

I do not own the art or characters

whom: Sebek x gn!reader

TW: nsfw? if you squint hard enough

word count: 791

request: He gets turned into a camen in alchemy class, we’re one of only 3 responsible-ish people on campus, so crewl has us watch him, but doesn’t tell us what’s going on cuz he’s in a hurry. Croc in a blanket burrito, lots of Steve Irwin behavior from us and lots of kisses on the snoot, crewl takes croc back, Sebek now  gets quiet and turns bright red when we’re around lol

Thank you lovely @anunholyabomination for requesting this! I hope you like it since it's my first time writing a fanfic lol. Remember to drink lots of water and get lots of sleep so you can stay beautiful you!

================================================

It was any normal day in Alchemy class with Sebek. He was yelling at his poor partner for being an idiot and putting the wrong ingredient into the transformation potion till thick green smoke started to form. “HUMAN! WHY ARE YOU BAC-” Before poor Sebek could possibly continue destroying his classmates' ears the caldron explodes, covering the room in the thick green smoke. Slowly the smoke clears revealing a small caiman sitting where Sebek should have been standing.

Here you were peacefully sitting in Ramshackle relaxing on your very much needed day off when you heard a knock at the door. You gently move Grim off of your chest, careful not to wake the sleeping cat thing. You still had no idea what kind of species to identify Grim as. He could be a feline- aaaand now the knocking on the door is even louder and frantic. “Coming! Hold on!” You quickly responded as you rushed to open the door. You opened the door to reveal an equally tired looking Crewel holding a bundled up blanket that seemed to be emitting chirping like sounds…wait was that a caiman?! “Here pup, take care of him for me” Crewel simply shoved the bundled up caiman into your arms and leaves.

“But I don’t- sigh well I guess I’m gonna have to figure out how to take care of you myself.” You look down at the small caiman and coo at its cute little face. “Awww, you’re just a little guy~ Oh! I should totally give you a cute name to fit that little face!”. Poor Sebek, now he has to be cuddled by this human! Well maybe the cuddles won't be that bad. “Hmmm, y’know you remind me a lot of friends….plus you’re just as cute as him!” The caiman looks up at you as if he understood who you were talking about. “Your name should be like his, what about Seby?” Yuu looked into the caiman’s eyes and understood it didn’t seem to enjoy the name. “Don’t judge me! I’m bad at names…” You pout, trying to think of a name the small creature would enjoy. “What about Sebok then?” The caiman moves its head as if it was nodding. “Sebok it is!” You held Sebok close and kissed his little snoot. You had put Sebok on the couch and wrapped him up in more blankets so he would stay warm since you remembered how an Australian guy on tv had said caiman have to stay at least around 97 degrees and no more than 104 degrees. “I wonder how a caiman possibly got into NRC especially when it feels like the dead of winter out there.” You look down at Sebok and giggle when he starts to make the same chirping like sound from earlier. “I really should send a picture of your cute little face to Sebek, you’re just too adorable!” You lean down and start kissing Sebok’s little head while making exaggerated kissing sounds. Thankfully Grim was still asleep so he couldn’t see this disgustingly sweet action and get jealous. Sebok didn’t seem to mind the kisses that much, he actually seemed to enjoy them. 

A few hours passed of you showering Sebok in kisses and cuddles. “Oh my! It’s already past twelve!” You quickly pick up Sebok and the somehow still sleeping Grim and head upstairs to your room. You placed both Grim and Sebok on the bed before looking through your dresser to find some sleepwear. You start to undress and take off your undergarments so you could put on clean ones. Once you finish changing you turn around and find Sebok frozen in place. “Oh? Are you ok little one? Are you cold?” You sit down on the bed and put Sebok in your lap. “I’ll warm you up” You smile as Sebok nuzzles into your body and slowly starts to drift off. When the small caiman finally falls into a slumber you pull the covers over the two of you and slowly start to fall asleep yourself.

It has been a week since Crewel had taken Sebok from you. Even though you only took care of the caiman for a day you felt really attached to him. You also noticed how Sebek would blush when he was near you. The poor thing would always storm off while hiding his boner. Perhaps one of these days he would get rid of this burden by telling you how he feels….well of course after he’s had some fun with you in the janitor's closet or an empty classroom. If not Lilia will have to intervene so he can get the grandchildren he wants. Hm? Why did you get an invitation from Sebek to come have tea at Diasomnia?

[klipkillakai]

"I open the lecture door and with my head down I walk to my seat and sit down quietly as my professors back is turned as he writes something borderline illiterate on the board, 'God I hate how he writes, how could he possibly teach literature?' "I think to myself as I pull out my laptop and notebook"

"Today we will discuss the fall of man"

"Are any of you familiar with the book paradise lost?"

"My eyes drift around the room as I softly tap my pen on my thigh looking to see if anyone raises there hand, a few do while I notice others are checking to see if it's on the syllabus, I smile softly and the teacher continues"

"This book or epic of you may is essentially a romanticism of the fall of man, it gives Adam and Eve more character and the author focus a lot on the love that Adam and Eve share, Adam loved Eve so much that he ate the apple and fell with her, the Bible makes mention of that too but we'll get into that, the book also focuses on The Fallen.. the angels that fell with satan, and what that kind of looked like too, now we aren't going to go into anything too deep today but I would like you to read the first few pages and tomorrow we'll come back and discuss."

"A few moments later my borrowed copy is finally passed to me and I softly open the book and skim the pages for a second before returning to listening to the lecture"

"I sigh as I walk across campus to my dorm as I finally got out of that long lecture, Mr peters can be long winded and I only got 3 hours of sleep after I stayed up all night watching twilight for the billionth time, i don't understand why I torture myself like that knowing I cannot function with anything less than 7 hours of sleep"

"I reach my door and I'm about to put my keys in but I hear a loud thump in the room next to mine, I peep it but ignore because it's not my business, I turn my key and when I do I hear the door burst open and I jump back a bit when I see a tall man stumbling out the door, he grunts and sort of sags against the wall before snapping his eyes open clearly trying to focus his vision while he looks at me"

'Um..you alright?"

"I ask and he just stares at me, and I stare back.. and he responds"

'No'

"Low key not expecting that response, I nod"

'Just checking' "I reply"

"And I turn around and open my door and walk in deciding not to push, I'm not a damn detective"

"After showering I lie in bed scrolling on tumblr, occasionally liking a book quote and saving smut for later, and I decide to start reading the book for lit, a bit curious about what it says, I grab my bible for reference as im well versed in genesis and I want to cross reference, i start the book and im immediately captured by the writing and I read for hours"

.....

"Storm"

"Lighting"

"War"

.....

"A powerful fight and a sword so mighty it cannot be destroyed not even by its creator, a battle cry so strong so loud it shakes the heavens, then.. silence.."

"I'm falling.. falling..falling"

"I gasp awake and I jump up on my bed, I breathe heavily and my chest heaves and I'm drenched in sweat, i quickly open my nightstand drawer and frantically search for my inhaler I'm when I do I take two deep puffs before i calm down, my hand shakes and I sigh out and rub my face before pushing the covers off me and getting up to rinse my face off, I lazily grab my water bottle off my dresser too and I open my door as I go to the communal sink, I fill my bottle up as I'm deep in thought"

"I haven't had that dream in ages, that's so weird, maybe it's the book, I shouldn't have read right before bed.. and did I even eat? god I've got to stop-"

"A throat clears and I snap my head up to see the boy who looked half dead earlier"

'You know your speaking out loud right?'

"I slowly close my mouth and, I watch a small smirk form before it dissipates"

'I know now' "I reply with indifference"

'What was the dream about?' "He sits down at the table in-front of me and I lean against the counter with my arms crossed"

'None of your business'

'It is when you practically yell it out for the whole dorm to hear" "he says with a low amused tone, even tho the conversation is relaxed his gaze is intense, it almost weighs me down"

'Just a nightmare' "I say softly, I've had it before but not for awhile"

'Tell me about it" "he says it like a command almost, but I'm getting this feeling like it's just his nature"

"Well... I'm in the sky.. and there's this war I think, it's very jittery and fragmented.. It's like I'm seeing bits and pieces, "I clear my throat a bit and I look down" anyways um.. and I think I'm fighting in it and there's this sword and every time I have this dream when I see the sword it's like my world is ending, like that's the last thing I wanted to see and I see this bright flash that practically blinds me and that's when I finally wake up"

"It's not particularly scary but it just feels so real, the feeling is so deep it's just startling when I wake up, "I say as I stare at the floor my brows slight furrowed as I think deeply"

'I understand the feeling'

"I hear him say, but he sounds distant like he's experiencing something too and I look up at him, and he's just staring at me, watching me, studying me"

'Yeah' "I whisper it knowing how to respond and I just look at him"

'So what happened earlier? You looked like shit"

"He snaps out of his daze , yeah um I was hungover"

"Oh, well I'm glad your better I guess"

"I softly grab my water bottle and I close it tight"

"Oh I never got your name"

"When I look up he's gone and I look around startled, where did he go? I just looked down for a second.. shit I didn't even hear him get up, I start walking to my room and I look at the door next to it for a second before going Into mine getting in my bed and getting the rest of my sleep"

-a work i had started and now i must finish, i present to you.. “the watchers”

ps: the male mc has a name but you can visualize any of your favorites

[vickyyoon]

You're mine

Genre: Angst but fluff?? (idk)

Paring: yandere!hyunjin fem!reader

Warning: kidnapping

Synopsis : hyunjin the boy who liked you since the first day he saw you finally found your adress

Pt-2 <-here

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

You wake up in an unknown place, it was someone's bedroom you never been to, it was a girls room, the walls were pink with purple lights and stickers, there was a white dressing table with fairy lights around it.

You were sitting on the huge pink bed, where were you? The last thing you remember was throwing your trash in the curb at night because you forgot to throw out the trash.

You leave the room and head downstairs, a delicious scent wafted through the air but your eyes landed on the main door, the exit.

You could tell someone was in the kitchen even from the kitchen, the sounds on a spatula on a pan and the frying sound coming from nearby.

You tip toe hoping not to get caught by the person, your heart was thumping, you were so close to the door when a voice startles you.

" Woke up princess? Take a seat I -" he turned around to see you near the main door, his eyes widened and his brows furrowed.

" what are you doing near that door? You aren't supposed to go anywhere near that! Come back here!" but your hand was already twisting recklessly on the knob trying to get it open.

He grabbed your wrist. " What did I say? Sit down, this was your first and last warning!" he gritted through his teeth.

Who was he? Why did he kidnap you? What is his intention? You were too stunned to speak as he gripped your wrist and dragged you towards the table.

" who are you? Why did you bring me here!" you finally pick up your words and his head turns to you with a shocked expression.

" You don't remember me princess? It's me! Your hyunjin, that boy you saw everyday at school but never really cared about . I finally found your address!" he smirked.

Hyunjin!? That Shy, quiet and introverted boy who always sat at the back of the class? Why would he kidnap you?

" Why would you kidnap me?"

" Well isn't it obvious, I used to follow you around everywhere, I was head over heels in love with you but you were too blind!" he sat you down on the chair.

He suddenly started to feed you, " I can feed myself." you stated but he glared a piercing gaze at you and you silently ate.

After dinner he told you to wash up because you two were going to watch movies together in the living room.

As you entered your bathroom you found the lost shampoo your friend gifted you from Italy, the soap you lost the day you bought it and the towel you used for 7 years.

He's been gathering and stealing small things he thought you wouldn't notice from your house, how long has he been doing this? It was disturbing. You needed to leave this place anyhow.

After shower you saw him waiting for you with a bowl of popcorn.

" you take so long, hurry up I picked some good movies." he acted like you two were dating for years now. It was so weird.

Throughout the whole movies you two were watching you could catch him glancing at you, his arm over your shoulder, your back on his chest tilted, your head rested on his should and neck crotch, he smelled so nice like flowers, his body warmth was so comforting and his hands playing your hair, his touch was so soft. It felt so good, nothing's ever felt this good.

You planned on leaving quitely when he fell asleep but your plan seemed to backfire when you notice him staying awake for ungodly hours, when would he fall asleep? It looked like he'd been drinking coffee just to stay up this late and watch movies with you.

You found yourself almost falling asleep, " aren't you gonna go to bed? How do you stay up so late?" he smiled at you

For some reason his smile was so mesmerizing, in the dark room the tv's light painted his face and he looked so ethreal, he was always handsome but why hadn't you noticed earlier?

You found yourself staring at him for too long when he snapped you back out of it. " Is my baby sleepy? Com'on let's head to bed then" his voice was so soothing, it felt so comforting, something you've yearning your whole life to hear from someone.

You haven't realized how lonely you've been your whole life that even small things like this seem to overwhelm you but what were you thinking? He's literally kidnapped you!? You are really a freak.

When you got in to your bed you felt a warm presence beside you? " y-you're gonna sleep here?" as he looked back at you. " yeah but if you don't like it I can go sleep in my room."

" I-it's fine" what the hell were you saying? You wanted him to sleep with you now? " really? If you say so then, you would have to get used to it anyways. " he inched closer to you, pulling you closer by your waist, placing your leg over his thigh and your head to his chest.

You were too stunned to say anything but it felt so good for some reason, usually small and constant noises woke you up and kept you awake but his heartbeat thumping every now and then suddenly had you falling asleep so much faster and it was so much more relaxing than you would ever expect it to feel.

You used to stay awake all night tossing and turning when all you needed was this, someone to cuddle with and share warmth with and you instantly fell asleep with him running his fingers through your hair, all your stress loosening with each stoke of touch.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Part 2???

[spicywhenspeaking]

Lost & Found : Noah x Reader OneShot

you're surprising your husband Noah while he's on tour! It's literally just porn 😀 because I wanted to practice writing so MINORS DNI

warnings: unprotected sex (p in v), oral (f/m receiving), throat fucking 🙈, umm creampie? How much are supposed to put in here, whiny Noah, men begging, two hot people in love.

this is a work of fiction!!!!

I also used promt 76&97 from here! And if you like it feel free to request more! 🫶🏻

•・◦●○◎◉◎○●◦・•

Trying to keep this a surprise has been virtually impossible, keeping Noah in the dark for weeks about my plan to come and surprise him while Bad Omens was touring in Europe took every trick in the book.

“Oh I have no idea why my location isn't working right now babe, you know I'm so technology-challenged.” I lie. “I’m so lost with this stuff when you're gone, I'll try to fix it soon” I reassure him as I'm racing around our house packing my bag because my flight leaves in 3 hours and of course, I'm running late. “I’m lost without you too baby, I miss you so much, when are you coming out to join us?” He asks and I can hear the sadness in his voice. “Soon my love, I promise” We say our goodbyes and I pack the last of my stuff racing out the door to catch my Uber to the airport.

I’ve been coordinating with the Nicks and Jolly while planning so they have a spare key waiting for me at the hotel they're staying at so I can sneak into Noah’s room before they get back from their show.

For some reason I’m nervous, I have no idea why. Why am I nervous to surprise my husband on tour? It’s like that gitty first-date nervousness. I’m just so excited to see him again, smell him, feel his arms around me and I really, really, really miss having sex. I had to stay back for the first 4 weeks of their European tour because my sister needed help with her kids and I needed to be there for her. Now that she’s doing better I can go join him and I’m so excited. He thinks I’m staying back for an extra two weeks to help my sister but that was another lie. The flight goes by faster than I expected and soon I’m in another Uber heading to the hotel.

I approached the front desk and tell them I was picking up a key that should have been left for Mrs.Davis.

“Ah, yes, Mrs. Davis right here” The receptionist hands me the key card and directs me to the elevator.

“Thank you!” I say, waving and turning towards the elevators.

I get to the room and head inside, Noah is relatively clean so there’s just an opened suitcase on the desk, but the room was cleaned earlier so the bed is made.

I set my suitcase down and take out the things I need to shower. I want to scrub the scent of travel off of me before Noah gets me back. If my timing is right I should have another hour or so before they get back. I jump into the shower and wash off with the body wash I know Noah likes, jasmine and white tea, fresh and sweet. Finishing up I wrap myself in a towel and dry off my hair. I slather on some lotion and slide into my red lace lingerie set that drives him crazy. The garters hug my thighs deliciously, the color popping against my alabaster skin that's slowly becoming covered in more tattoos.

Now I’m just playing the waiting game, I get a text from Folio that they were twenty minutes away from the hotel. My heart is beating so fast, I am so excited to see Noah, I'm laying on the couch waiting, starting to feel a little awkward when I hear the door ping from the key card swiping to unlock. I sit up and move to spread myself across the bed, my head resting in one hand with the other propped on my hip. The door opens and closes and I hear him whistle to himself as he walks down the short hallway towards the bed. He comes into view, eyes almost bulging out of his head when he sees me, and then he tosses his stuff on the ground and throws himself on the bed wrapping his arms tightly around me. “Oh my god, you're here” he mumbles into my hair “You're here, you're real and you're here” he pulls back to hold my head in between his hands. He leans down, and kisses me, moving his lips hungrily against mine seeking entrance into my mouth quickly moving from a gentle kiss hello to a passionate tangle of tongues. “I can't believe you're here” he pants in between kisses “I missed you so much” his hands are moving all over my body “God, you're so soft” he pulls away and looks down to admire my lace-clad body “fuck, you're killing me here” he whispers in a hoarse voice as his hips press into my side and I feel the hard outline of his cock. I reach my hand down to press against his solid erection and feel the wet spot growing on the outside of his thin sweatpants.

“Do I really turn you on that much?” I ask him seductively. “You don’t even fucking know” he responds and dives towards my chest, nipping and sucking at my skin, a moan escapes my mouth when his hand kneads my breast and tweaks my hardening nipple “Ah, Noah, I missed you too” I gasp out. “Mmm, yes, say my name again,” he pants, “please Baby, I need to hear your voice” his voice comes out in a whine. “Mmmm, Noah, Noah, Noah, I missed you so much, my Noah” I graze my hands across his cheek and stare into his beautiful brown eyes, and brush my lips against his. “I missed you so much,” I say to him warmly “I need you so badly” I take his hand and place it against my warming core. “Please Noah, I need you to touch me.”

His hand cups my sex and a wicked smile spreads across his face, wiggling his fingers her purrs “Wow baby, crotchless panties, you really missed me.” His index finger slides in between my folds and he groans “You're so fucking wet” he puts his finger in his mouth and sucks the evidence of my arousal off of his fingers. He sighs “Fuuuck, I missed the way you taste, I can’t believe I survived these last weeks without you.” Noah kisses me again, leaving a trail of wet kisses down my body, stopping to lick and bite down on my peaked nipples. I’m moaning softly as he continues down towards the apex of my thighs, grasping my thighs and pulling them apart until he’s face to face with my aching pussy. “Oh I missed this,” he says and then licks a line straight up the center and circles his tongue around my clit.

“Oh, fuck” I moan out loud as he sucks and tongues at my pulsing core, my hand reaches down to tangle in his hair keeping him in place while I grind against his talented mouth shamelessly. He takes two fingers and pushes them into me as he continues sucking relentlessly at my clit, my orgasm is close, I feel it burning in my belly and when he looks up at me through his long lashes and says “Please baby, I need to hear you cum” he says and I throw my head back and cry out in ecstasy. He withdraws his fingers and crawls back up to kiss me sharing the taste of my climax. I use the kiss as a distraction and flip us over so my legs are resting on either side of his hips and I can grind my bare pussy against his still-clothed cock. “Fuck baby, you're so beautiful like this” he reaches up to cup my breasts and plays with my nipples, pinching and leaning up to suck them again. I reach down to grab the hem of his shirt and help to remove it “You're wearing too many clothes” I tell him. “I want to feel you against me.”

Moving down his body I take the waistline on his pants and pull them down to his mid-thigh, exposing the hard outline and wet spot growing on his tight black boxer briefs. I bend down to lick at the head of his cloth-covered dick and he bucks his hips at the feeling “Ah, fuck baby, mmmm yes, can I have your mouth? Please?” he begs. I nod my head and grasp his briefs and pull them down to his sweatpants seeing his large erection springs free and pearls of precum leak down the tip. I quickly lick it up and start gently sucking at the head. Noah is whining and holding my hair back so he can get a full view of my ministrations. I start to take more of him into my mouth, relaxing my throat to make room for his full length and his hips thrust forward slightly and my eyes widen as I try not to gag. I tap his hip with my hand and nod, letting him know it's okay, he starts up again slowly fucking into my mouth and moaning “Oh, fuck yeah baby, missed you so much. Missing your hot mouth, and your tight pussy, mmmm can't wait to fuck you” he’s moving faster hips pumping back and forth as his cock hits the back of my throat and my eyes fill with tears threatening to spill and my pussy throbs with need. He pulls my mouth off of him with a gasp “Ah, too much. Want to cum inside you” he says out of breath. “Get up on the bed” he commands and I scramble to get up to lay my head back on the pillow while he stands up to take his pants off fully and then adjusts to settle between my legs. He grabs my thighs and pulls me so my pussy is resting against him, I feel his cock against me and begin to grind down on it looking for any type of friction. “I’ve got you baby” he takes himself in his hand and rubs the tip against my cunt, spreading my wetness around and coating his cock with it before slowly placing the tip against my entrance and moving in. While he's pushing to be fully seated inside our eyes are locked together and we're both moaning at the feeling of finally being back together. “Fuck Noah, I missed you so much”

“I missed you more,” he says, emphasizing each word with a shallow thrust.

Noah and I like to fuck in all types of ways, but after so long apart all I want is to be held in his arms a fucked tenderly. I know there will be plenty more chances tonight for rougher sex. But, for now, he holds me close and fucks into me at a slow tempo, each thrust pushing me closer to my second orgasm of the night, he reaches down and moves his fingers in slow circles around my swollen clit. “I want to feel you cum on my cock baby and then I'm going to fucking fill you up” his thrusts speed up slightly and my climax is reaching its peak, one last thrust, hitting just the right spot, and I'm calling out his name and milking his release. He finishes with a whimpering moan and collapses against me, kissing any skin he sees and softly saying “I love you so much baby, such a good girl for me.” I run a soothing hand down his back and tell him that I love him too and that I’m so happy that I’m back in his arms.

“I missed you so much baby, this is the best surprise ever.” We cuddle in each other's arms for a while longer and then I feel him stirring again when he looks up and gives me a devilish smile. “Round 2?”

———————————

Thank you for reading!!!

[goldenempyrean]

From Super to Sniffly

〚Notes - Miss Somber threw some random prompts at me last night so I stayed up WAY too late writing this :P Im gonna try and get some marvel done soon…maybe :,) 〛

〚 Pairing - Supercorp 〛

〚 Summary - Lena is more than willing to look after her girlfriend when she solar flares. 〛

〚 Wordcount - 3140 〛

〘 Check Out My Masterlist! 〙

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“Just try to take it easy this time, okay?” Alex had sighed after she’d finished taking her sister’s vitals, “Maybe we should get you under the solar lamps for a bit, help you recharge a little?” 

Kara shook her head, wincing a little at the cut on her arm where Alex had patched up earlier, “I can’t I need to get home and finish my report, Snapper will have my head if I don’t.” 

Typical. Of course, Kara was worrying about her work instead of the fact she’d once again became powerless. It wasn’t really her fault this time, not entirely. The alien she’d been fighting an hour or so early had entirely drained her cells of their solar energy, in turn, taking away her powers - leaving her just vulnerable as any other human. 

“Fine, well I’ll tell J’onn you’ll be out of commission for a few days. Just until we get those powers back.” Alex said, hurrying round the med bay before turning her attention back to the Kryptonian, “I’ll arrange transport to take you home.” 

“No, no,” She interrupted, pulling herself off of the bed and stretching her legs, “I think I’m gonna walk myself home, I could do with some fresh air.”  

“Alright, just take care, okay?” Alex agreed, there was no point in arguing. Kara could look after herself, even if it made her worry, “No crime fighting or gallivanting into danger, I expect you to go straight home.” She added as she began to escort her to the door, watching as the blonde headed to the exit. 

As she stepped out into street the cool evening breeze brushed against her skin, causing goosebumps to run up her arms and Kara pulled her jacket just a little tighter around herself.  

She continued down the street, not in a hurry by any means. She was taking her time, enjoying just how human she felt in that moment.  

But suddenly something snatched her attention, the approaching crackle of thunder overhead - she’d forgotten about the storms that had been forecasted… maybe she would’ve been better taking the transport after all. Soon enough, the first droplets of rain started to fall, lightly spattering the pavement around her. She glanced up at the darkening clouds and decidedly quickened her pace. 

Not that it helped much, before long the rain intensified, turning from a light drizzle into a steady downpour. They plastered her hair to her forehead and soaked through her jacket.  

Kara hunched her shoulders, shivering as the cold rain seeped into her clothes. She groaned, crossing her arms as she walked, just trying to keep a little bit of heat in. 

 Not that it really worked, on second thought maybe being Kryptonian had its benefits aside the whole superhero thing - her usually heightened body temperature normally would’ve been enough to stave off the chill settling into her. But she made her bed, so she’d have to lie in it - she’d wanted to enjoy being human and after all what was more human than this? 

She knew that, eventually, her powers would return, and the weight of her responsibilities would come crashing back. But for now, she finally allowed herself to be just plain and simple Kara Danvers. 

That could’ve been relaxing, only if Kara Danvers hadn’t completely overslept the following day and had to run around her apartment in a rush to get ready on time. 

After she’d finally got home that previous night, she’d was shivering and soaked to the bone. All Kara wanted to do was to sink under the hold of a hot shower before changing herself into some soft pyjamas and crawling into bed, but much to her annoyance she had that report to finish, and well, work came first.  

Maybe she could’ve gone to bed a little earlier, but if a jobs worth doing, it's worth doing well. That was what she had told herself as she stared mindlessly at the screen, the small time in the corner had way past midnight by now. On the bright side she did manage to steal a little sleep in the end though, a couple of hours at least – that wasn’t by choice, she had simply just fallen asleep as she worked. 

Still, it wasn’t enough to recharge her, not by a long run so here she was, rushing around, wasting the little energy she had left as she hurriedly grabbed her laptop and files before hurrying out the door. This time however she’d decided against walking, instead choosing the bus as a safer option.  

But as Kara boarded the bus, she couldn't shake off the feeling of exhaustion that seemed to have settled deep within her bones. Maybe she shouldn’t have skipped that warm shower after all. As the city passed by, her skin began to feel clammy - something she hadn’t felt before, it was felt strange - and that wasn’t mentioning the of a headache beginning to throb at her temples.  

Finally, her stop was approaching. She buzzed the bell and stood up, making her way to the front as the bus began to slow. It was just as she was about to take her step that she suddenly sneezed twice, barely able to cover with her elbow.  

That should’ve been the first sign something was up. But the blonde was too busy focussing on getting to work on time, instead she muttered a quiet apology to no-one in particular before rushing off towards CatCo. 

In the end she didn’t end up being that late after all. Only by about 10 minutes or so. Of course, no-one noticed. No-one except for Lena that is. The two may have only started dating recently but the two had been friends long before that and as a Luthor, Lena had learnt to become observant of people and their behaviour. So, when Kara wasn’t sat behind her desk, or waiting happily in her office with coffee she instantly knew something was off. 

“Kara! There you are, finally.” Lena sighed with relief as the blonde came into the office, “You okay? I tried calling you last night did you didn’t answer, I heard about your powers.” 

“I’m fine.” Her tone came out a little snappier than intended, as she kept walking over to her desk, planting her stuff down on the table, Lena following swiftly behind. 

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning, someone feeling a little grumpy today?” The CEO teased lightly, keeping her voice down as Kara rubbed at her temples as she sat down. 

“I'm not grumpy.” Kara sniffled discreetly as she pouted, “I just didn’t sleep too well, I had to finish this article.” 

Lena couldn’t help but sigh, she knew how hard Kara worked. Most of the time it the other way round and the reporter was often scolding her for overworking but it didn’t mean she didn’t notice how far Kara could push herself sometimes. 

“Maybe you could use some more sleep then.” She suggested lightly, taking on the files from her desk and pretending to read over it, not wanting to seem too bossy, not when her girlfriend was clearly exhausted, “I think an early night is in store for you tonight.” 

The reporter nodded, that aching in her head felt like it was worsening under the bright white LEDs above, “Yeah, maybe.” She mumbled, opening up her laptop beforehand absently tapping away, “I’m really sorry Lena, I really need to edit this article.”  She excused, not wanting to seem rude. 

Lena gave her a small kiss at the top of her forehead, just a gentle sign of affection before leaving her too it - she did have her own work to attend to after all. But she still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off so made a mental note to keep an eye on her. 

Unfortunately, as time passed Kara didn’t seem to be doing much better. She was keeping her head up by propping her hand beneath it, occasionally ducking down to muffle terribly stifled sneezes which had clearly been heard by the entire office. At one point the whole office had quietened at the sound of a rather chesty sound coming from her desk, earning a sigh of sympathy from her girlfriend. 

Her head was swimming was worry as she abandoned her own work and instead headed over to a supply cupboard before swiftly yet discreetly taking an unopened tissue box and placing it on the blonde reporters desk. 

“You sound like you need these.” Lena whispered, her voice filled with worry, “Baby, you don’t sound too well, did Alex give you the all-clear from the DEO yesterday?” 

Kara nodded before reaching out to open the box, “She did, I just hH-“ The Kyrptonian’s breath hitched off as she hastily pulled out a handful of tissues before ducking into them with a pitiful sounding sneeze, “Hh’itshhu! Ugh, excuse me.” 

“Awh love your nose is all red.” The CEO murmured, as she came to stand behind the reporter’s chair, her loving hand rubbing her back, “You sound like you’re coming down with something.” 

“Maybe, my head feels funny.” Kara admitted with a sniffle, too tired to lie to her girlfriend. She’d find out eventually anyway and as the throbbing ache in her temple increased, she was feeling too crappy to deny it. 

The Luthor’s caring hand came to cup her cheek, a small sigh leaving her lips as she moved upwards, letting her palm rest against Kara’s unusually pale skin, “Make that definitely, you’re quite warm dear.” 

“That’s dumb because I’m freezing.” Kara failed to bite back the hint of a whine seeping into her voice as she sniffled into her tissues. 

“Let me check your temperature, stay here.” Her girlfriend soothed. Kara must’ve been really out of it because Lena seemed to return just as quick as she left and before she knew it, the CEO was holding a small device to her lips, “Open please.” 

She did as told, allowed her girlfriend to slide the thermometer beneath her tongue. It was rather uncomfortable, especially considering the fact it had become very hard to breathe through her stuffed up nose. Lena’s comforting hand on her shoulder made it better though and before long, a small beep rang out. 

“There we are, good girl, let’s have a look,” It was hard to miss the concerned expression sank across her face as she read the numbers, “Oh Kara, 38.8, poor girl. That temperature can’t feel very good. What do you say to letting me take you home?” 

Lena's concerned gaze never left Kara's face as she waited for a response. The reporter's skin felt clammy under her touch, and the combination of fever and exhaustion was clearly taking its toll. Kara's head was pounding, and every movement seemed to require a monumental effort. She swallowed, wincing at the soreness in her throat, before finally nodding weakly. 

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea," Kara managed to rasp out, her voice sounding strained and raspy. She gave a pitiful sniffle as she clutched the tissue in her hand, “Stupid immune system.”  

Lena offered a gentle smile, relief washing over her features. "Alright, love. Let's get you out of here and back home." She offered her hand out but didn’t object when the blonde moved straight past it and instead cuddled into her side, her arm coming to sit on her waist. 

“What! Why’s she getting an early leave?” Came the annoyed grumble from a distant cubicle as the pair passed through the office, “Fucking favouritism.” 

Lena had to bite her lip to keep herself from yelling as Kara's cheeks flushed, partly from her fever and partly from embarrassment. "'m not feeling well.” She managed to mumble in response before breaking off and muffling a desperate sounding set of sneezes against her girlfriend’s sigh. 

“Ignore him baby, I’ll see that he’s reprimanded later, right now let’s just focus on getting you home.” Lena whispered, “Bless you.” She managed to bite back the anger from her voice - there was no way she was going to accept that behaviour towards her girlfriend - but the discipline could wait till later, Kara was what mattered right now. 

She kept the Kyrptonian carefully tucked into her side. Kara had forgotten her jacket that morning, so Lena made sure to pull her coat around the both of them, honestly, she looked like a little koala cuddled against her.  

As the doors to the elevator closed behind them, the pair finally relaxed under the shield of the metal box. Lena kept her arm securely wrapped around Kara's waist. The reporter leaned heavily against her, her once vibrant eyes dulled and glassy with fever.  

The journey down was quiet, only Kara’s small sniffles punctuating the silence before the bell dinged and they stepped out into the lobby, heading straight to the waiting car outside. 

Once they were outside, Lena led Kara towards her car, making sure she was steady on her feet. She opened the passenger door and helped her girlfriend get settled before closing the door gently. As Lena got into the driver's seat, she glanced over at Kara, who was bundled up in her coat, looking miserable yet somehow adorable. 

"You just focus on getting some rest love, you’ll be okay." Lena said softly, starting the car and quickly driving off towards her apartment, “We’ll get you home soon.” 

Only a short drive later and the two had pulled up to Kara’s apartment. But the blonde had long since fallen asleep and her girlfriend honestly didn’t have the heart to wake her. Instead, Lena gently slipped her arms Kara's legs and carried her inside the building. 

In her arms she could Kara's fever seem to be intensify, evident from her flushed cheeks. Despite her attempts at keeping her still, just as they approached her door, Kara began to stir. She sniffled again and let out a weak, congested sigh as she rubbed her eyes. 

“Darling, we’re home now, baby. Can you just stand up for a second for me.” Lena asked, quickly unlocked the door before carefully guided her inside and towards the bedroom. Kara's steps were slow and unsteady, and she seemed to be fading in and out of awareness, so she was quickly prompted to take a seat down on the bed. 

"Alright, love, let's get you ready for bed," Lena murmured soothingly. She moved to help Kara out of her coat, taking extra care as she noticed how chilly and feverish Kara felt against her touch. Lena set the coat aside and then knelt down to unlace Kara's shoes, carefully slipping them off her feet. 

She let Kara take off her own skirt whilst she went aside to take some of her blue silk pyjamas before gently helping her pull them on.  

It was no surprise that the exhausted fell asleep quickly, Lena had barely pulled up the covers around her before the small, congested snores could be heard coming from her. With Kara asleep it gave her some time to prepare her food. 

Rest, fluids and food. Those were the key things someone needed. Soup should be easy enough, something light but hearty. Just enough to soothe the soul. 

She wasn’t the best cook by any means, 

Alex was the go-to chef in the group. But how hard could soup be? Very hard, Lena came to discover not even an hour later. Somehow, she’d managed to burn a liquid, the stock had turned an unappealing brown colour - definitely not the light liquid displayed on the packaging. Just great, she wouldn’t be surprised if she’d managed to burn the pan too in the process. 

Lena had just finished discarding the remnants of failed attempt number 2 when she heard the soft shuffling of slow footsteps approaching behind her. 

“Oh baby, you’re supposed to be in bed.” She sighed softly as Kara’s arms came to wrap around the front her waist. 

"I couldn't sleep," Kara admitted with a soft sniffle, rubbing her nose with the back of her hand, “And I needed more tissues.” 

“I tried making you some soup, but it didn’t really work, if you go and clamber back into bed, I can fetch some tissues for you.” Lena smiled turning around to coo at the cute sight of her sniffly girlfriend. 

Kara's lips curled into a tired smile under Lena’s gaze, she moved forwards a little, her warm forehead pressing gently against Lena's shoulder. "You're sweet for trying, Lena. I appreciate it. Thank you for trying.” 

Lena sighed, her arms sliding around Kara's waist to pull her close. "You're welcome. But I think we might need to order some takeout soup instead, maybe from that place that does the potsickers you like.” 

The Kyrptonian nodded, “That sounds nice.” She tried to sound enthusiastic, but fatigue was quickly creeping back into her voice. 

Before she knew it, Kara felt Lena’s arms come to pick her up again, taking the blonde into her arms, “I’ll get that ordered for us then, but first let’s get you back into bed sniffles.” 

Kara rested her head on Lena's shoulder as she was carried back to bed, her arms loosely wrapped around Lena's neck. She let out a soft sigh, feeling grateful for Lena's care and comfort. As she was gently lowered onto the bed, Kara snuggled into the covers, already feeling warmer and more comfortable. 

"Thank you," Kara mumbled sleepily, her eyelids heavy with exhaustion. 

“It's okay my love. Don’t worry about it.” Lena smiled, gently running her hair through her blonde hair, “Do you need anything else?” 

“Just you” Maybe the statement would’ve kept its cheesiness if the Kyrptonian hadn’t had to duck into her blankets with a particularly loud sneeze only seconds later, “...and tissues.” 

Lena chuckled softly at Kara's sneeze, shaking her head in amusement. "Alright, love. Tissues it is." She walked over to the bedside table and grabbed a box of tissues, placing it within Kara's reach. Then she climbed into bed beside Kara, pulling the covers over both of them. Kara immediately cuddled up to Lena, seeking her warmth and comfort. 

"I must ask though; how did you even manage to get sick this fast?" Lena asked with a small, teasing smile, her tone light as her girlfriend nuzzled into her, “I mean I know your non-super immune system is downright awful but I recon this has to be a record.” 

Kara managed a small sleepy, chuckle, “I don’t think getting soaked last night did me any good.” 

“I don’t think so either,” Lena smiled sympathetically, placing a gentle kiss on Kara's forehead. "Well, next time, let's try to avoid getting caught in the rain next time."  

Kara nodded, a little sniffle escaping her. "Yeah. I’ll try.” 

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[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3901

i woke up earlier and then i fell back asleep and i missed the window to take my meds.

i slept in until 10 and stayed in bed, and then i finally got up and showered and dressed and went to the school to help kendall but she wound up talking to melissa for a long time and ended up only having like 20 minutes to work with me, 15 of which she spent getting a drink, going to the bathroom, and printing off an assignment. so i spent the remaining time explaining the assignment and foundation of it to her and then she realized she needed to leave for work. so that was frustrating. i love the girl but she has no concept of time or time management. absolutely none. priorities? nah. honey. that assignment was due today. not next week, not tomorrow. today.

sigh.

anyway, i stayed at the school for a long time doing nothing and trying to organize myself, but i got some good news! i got an email from a job i applied to last week and i scheduled a brief interview for thursday :) i'm excited! but i hope it goes well. there is a good chance it won't because the last company i spoke to during my search ghosted me, probably because she made some assumptions about why i left biogen that i did not correct. she didn't leave them open for answers; they weren't questions. besides, i wasn't told why i got fired so i can't give a reason. i'm still mad about that. just tell me. cowards.

anyway. calendar filled in, too much to do, i want to reschedule my dentist appointment tomorrow because i am NOT ready for fillings to be put in. i really just want to not deal with it. no please no needles please i have so much problem with it.

anyway.

i stopped at dairy queen on my way home around 7pm. had a twist cone and a root beer. took the trash out of my car. still the rental. had chicken pot pies for dinner, didn't eat a whole pie. hoped for it but did not. watched comedy tv for a bit. in bed now.

i'm fuckin tired. joel's gotta switch his mom's laundry over and bring it upstairs. it's "almost dry" and has been for like an hour. like it had 19 minutes and then half an hour later it was 23 minutes left. so that sucks.

it's fine. i have too much to do and i'm struggling with it. womp womp.

i need to change that appointment tomorrow. no thanks.

[backroomsbaddie555]

i thought i’d start doing little like journal entries that are really intricate and detailed and oversharey because i like the idea of knowing intricately about someone’s day despite not knowing them personally. anyway here goes

Wednesday in April

my day started off like many others do, with my alarm jolting me out of my sleep (very rudely might i add) and scaring me so much i simply cannot get back to sleep even if i wanted to and could. But this only counts if the alarm is set for anytime after 6am because i will not wake up at such times unless i am excited for something in the day ahead. if there is any other day a 6am alarm rings when there isn’t a need for it it’s usually to let me know that i a) have one more hour left to sleep or b) i forgot to turn it off. anyways, i took a moment this morning after scrolling on here to check how my body was feeling and my legs felt rough as balls so this then kickstarted the 10 minute back and forth i have in my mind about wether i should actually do today or not, but the sun was shining and i needed to write so i got out of bed anyway in hopes of being so busy i didnt have a minute to think or feel. i showered and picked out a cute outfit and made my way down to starbies to try and work on my essay in there but as i walked i peered into the window to see if my ex situationship’s best friend was working and he was. devastation. i felt awkward so i shuffled over quite sheepishly to the store across the road praying he hadn’t seen me too. I pretended to look for things for about 5 minutes and then shook my head like they didn’t have whatever i wanted and then left and made a beeline for the bus stop. i noticed an old bag who seemed very snotty and judgmental eyeing people up and down as i waited for the bus to arrive and i thought hmmm wonder why she’s so fucking bitter, but it was probably just the fact she was still alive. honestly living to very old age would piss me off too. then i got to my uni and i was the only person there, and i really only go to socialise seeing as i normally get more work done if i stay home. i was there now though so there i sat. every word felt like lifting a very large rock, honestly writing today felt a little like pulling teeth out without anaesthetic. just as i was wondering how i was going to kill this time i was offered to do a simulation experiment that was 45 mins long so obviously i did it… im pretty indifferent about it because if im honest there’s nothing impressive about my uni whatsoever so i expected a sub par experience. I did attempt to write more but it just got harder so i walked to the store across from my uni and browsed for lunch, i left with a salad as per usual. then i stood waiting for the bus home in the sun watching the cars go by and the wind flow through my hair as i listened to american teenager on repeat. i got home around 2pm ish. i ate my lunch and began watching a true crime doc but started to feel incredibly tired so i found a sunny spot on my bedroom floor and i slept in it for around 20 mins. i woke up feeling even more tired and scornful so i told myself i would do nothing but sleep and watch documentaries on my laptop in bed for the rest of the day and just as i had showered and changed my sister said she wanted me to come over. she’s been ill lately so i thought i’ll go over seeing as she’s a ten minute walk away. i go over and we talk about our lives and show each other clothes and giggle at the tv and order food until it started getting dark and i decided to walk back before it became pitch black because i had spooked myself by watching that true crime documentary earlier. i told myself when i got home i would do more work but ive not done any at all. in truth i got home, scrolled and scrolled and took some laundry off of the drying rack, filled my knock off stanley and took my tired ass to bed. currently i am contemplating taking a full rest day alone just for me tomorrow but also wondering wether my mental health would spiral if i were to do that. i’m not sure. i feel like i always have to be busy or asleep or with someone and i don’t know where that comes from.

goodnight :)

[afairmaiden]

The Others (Part 4)

For the Inklings Challenge (@inklings-challenge). A continuation of The Others, immediately following part 3.

Thursday morning I walked into the kitchen and saw Sarah holding a knife.

I had woken up early—or so I thought—feeling surprisingly well-rested given how long it had taken me to fall asleep. For a long time, I had simply sat on the edge of the bed and tried to wrap my mind around what had just happened, and failing that, remembered the food Ellen had brought earlier. There were fried potatoes again, and a slice of apple pie. I ate in darkness, remembering the candles in the drawer, but not daring to light them, and feeling that, in any case, darkness was the safer option. My headache had returned, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being watched.

I dropped the necklace in my backpack, then found my pajama pants and a first aid pouch with some pain reliever. Then I lay awake for what seemed like hours, trying to decide on the best course of action.

Stick to the objective, I imagined Gina saying. But what was the objective? Would I be able to escape, let alone make my way back to civilization? Would it even be worth trying to get the kids out as well? Strange as they were, they seemed nice enough, and it felt wrong to simply leave them in such a place, though I couldn’t see any help for it.

Suddenly it occurred to me that this might all be a test. We’d always known there would be one, before we became full Lightbringers, and now—there was a moment of brilliant clarity. Of course I was being watched; they were always watching. And of course I wouldn’t be able to rely on my powers. Could I prove myself worthy without them? Could I stay calm in the face of chaos and confusion? Could I open the eyes of the blind with only my words? I was grasping at straws now, but it was enough. The idea sent a thrill through me, followed by a wave of relief. At last I felt myself start to relax and soon drifted off to sleep.

I awoke to the sun streaming in through the window. The house was quiet, and for a moment it all seemed so normal that I wondered if I hadn’t dreamed up the events of the previous night. Then I tried to move and instantly felt sore all over, almost like I had a bad sunburn on top of my already aching muscles, and found that the headache I thought was gone had come back with a vengeance.

I took some more pain reliever and tried to meditate with little success, then settled for lying still and taking deep, calming breaths. Finally, the pain subsided enough that I could get up and start looking through the clothes Ellen had brought. There were two long skirts, in reddish-brown and gray, three button-up shirts, in faded yellow, pink, and white, a large apron, long socks, caps in various colors and styles, and a number of smaller items I assumed to be undergarments. I chose the white shirt with the brown skirt, then brushed my hair as well as I could and tied it back, embarrassed as I felt how greasy it was, before making my way to the kitchen, where the first thing I saw was a child with a knife.

There was a moment of panic, but I tried to sound nonchalant as I asked, “What are you doing?”

“Trying to start a fire.”

She didn’t look up. She was crouched in front of what I realized was an old-fashioned wood stove, the door open, a small pile of crumpled paper and broken twigs inside. In her other hand I saw what looked like a metal rod. She held it close to the pile and quickly ran the knife down its edge a few times, sending out showers of sparks. A few moments later, I saw a small flame.

I quickly looked around to see if the others were safe. David and Elizabeth were sitting at the table reading. The cat was perched on a shelf above them, glaring down at me. James was nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s your brother?”

“Out getting more wood. Aunt Ellen isn’t home. She had to leave early this morning to go to the Coopers’ and probably won’t be home ’til late. We’ve already done our morning chores and had breakfast.”

She kept her eyes on the fire as she added more sticks. David and Elizabeth smiled and said good morning as I sat down at the table, but immediately went back to their books. I couldn’t help noticing that they seemed less open than the day before, as though they were now as nervous of me as I was of them. I felt a twinge of satisfaction at the thought that we were playing on level ground for a change, then realized this was wrong. I told myself that I didn’t want to scare children, and I certainly wasn’t afraid of them. I was here to help them, and their aunt had given me the perfect opportunity. Although the more I thought about that, the more I felt anger rising up within me, and for once I wasn’t afraid of it. Of course I would never hurt them, but she couldn’t have known that. It was irresponsible, neglectful even, to leave them in my care.

Before I could get too worked up, I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, focusing on light thoughts—tolerance, empathy, compassion—and as I repeated to myself that I was going to help them, I felt my mood start to lift, as fear and anger were replaced with a sense of calm, collected benevolence and magnanimity that the Lightbringers were known for.

The feeling lasted only a few seconds before James came in and dropped an armload of wood by the stove.

“I guess that should be enough for now,” he said, then looked at me. “Good morning.” And then, “Oh! What happened to your eyes?”

I suddenly felt self-conscious as they all looked at me.

“I don’t know,” I said. “Why, are they red?”

They nodded.

“Did you have trouble sleeping?” asked Elizabeth.

“A little,” I answered, hoping they wouldn’t press further.

Fortunately, they seemed to accept this, only suggesting that I drink more water and try to rest later. I considered asking how they had slept and whether anything unusual had happened the night before, but decided not to press my luck. Now it occurred to me that they had clearly been up for some time.

“What time is it?”

As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized it was a stupid question since they probably wouldn’t have a clock, so it came as a surprise when Sarah looked out the window and promptly answered, “About ten-thirty. We were just about to make lunch.”

“We were going to make chili,” added David, casting a somewhat dejected glance at a pot on the counter, “but we forgot how long the beans have to cook for, so that’ll have to wait until dinner.”

I looked at the pot, and then to the stove. It seemed dangerous, as well as wasteful to use so much firewood for one meal.

“Maybe we could just eat them plain,” I suggested, but Elizabeth shook her head.

“Uncooked beans are poison,” she informed me very seriously. “They have to soak overnight and then come to a full boil for at least half an hour before they’re safe.”

I tried to contain my shock as I mentally added food poisoning to the long and growing list of dangers outside the city.

“Oh. Well, you know,” I said, “we never had to worry about that in the city. There you can just order whatever you want from a machine and have it come out fully cooked in a minute, just like magic.”

The children looked politely interested, but not particularly impressed.

“We know,” said Elizabeth.

“You do? How?”

“The others told us.”

I couldn’t help staring as I tried to understand what she had just said. I waited, but she did not elaborate.

“Well, we’ll just have to figure something else out,” said Sarah, setting the pot on the stove. “We still have some bread, and jam, and we might have enough eggs for French toast.”

As they began discussing this, I heard the sound of something approaching outside, and the next minute, the conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door. Before anyone could move toward it, I stood up.

“I’ll get it,” I told them, ready to act as the responsible adult, even as my heart started racing at the thought of meeting more people.

I opened the door to find a tall, dark-haired man in his mid-twenties, dressed all in black and holding a large wooden crate. Behind him stood a horse-drawn cart that looked like something out of a history book. He was, of course, shining with the same light as the others, a fact that was no less irritating today than the day before, but which I was now determined to ignore. Still, this came as less of a surprise than the fact that he looked strangely familiar. He seemed surprised to see me as well, and held my gaze a little too long.

“Ah, excuse me,” he said finally, “but is Miss Hall at home?”

“She left early for the Coopers’,” said James, suddenly appearing behind me.

“Already? It’s a bit early, isn’t it?” the man asked, then, without waiting for an answer, glanced back at me and added, “You all managing alright on your own?”

“We’re okay,” James said. “We were just talking about having some lunch.”

“Well, maybe this will help. Eggs, milk, and butter,” he said, setting the crate in the doorway, “as well as some of your aunt’s books I’ve been meaning to return. Tell her thank you for me.” He hesitated a moment longer, then gave a quick smile and a nod and said, “Well, guess I’ll see you all Sunday.”

“What’s happening Sunday?” I asked James once the door was closed.

“Church,” he answered. Then after a moment, “You are going, aren’t you? Everyone’s going to be there.”

I froze. It was a trap and I knew it, but in that moment, my desire not to offend them overrode every other instinct. I was just about to say of course, I’d love to come, when he seemed to remember something.

“It’s alright,” he said quickly. “You don’t have to.”

With that, he turned and hurried to put the books away, leaving me standing in the hall in growing confusion. By the time I returned to the kitchen, I found Sarah already cutting bread, while David and Elizabeth took dishes and utensils out of the cabinets and drawers. James set out a few ingredients and put the rest away before going back outside. He returned a few minutes later with a small brown paper package which he set on the counter, then started setting the table.

I felt like I should do something, but since I didn’t know anything about cooking, I contented myself with supervising as they worked.

At last, the meal, such as it was, was ready, French toast with butter and three kinds of jam. The children gathered around the table, and as I had observed the previous day, didn’t immediately sit down, but remained standing a minute as they repeated the words of an evidently familiar prayer. It was strange, and might have been almost amusing to hear them address their god as though he were actually present and listening, if there wasn’t the smallest fear in the back of my mind that it might actually be true. Maybe I was imagining it, but I thought as they spoke, their light seemed to glow a little more brightly. Fortunately, the moment passed quickly.

“What’s your aunt doing at the Coopers’?” I asked once we had all sat down.

“She’s a midwife,” said Sarah.

“A what?”

“She helps deliver babies.”

“Oh.”

I said nothing, but felt my heart race as I considered the implications. Of course they would have babies. Where else would the children come from? What was more, apparently they were born with enough regularity to justify employing someone just to deliver them. I remembered Ellen’s words from the previous day; they had lived here for two hundred years and somehow not only survived, but actually grown in population. They probably had no concept of birth control, let alone genetic testing or prenatal screening, and I shuddered to think how much needless suffering and death there must be as a result. Of course there was death in the city too, but with rare exceptions, it was by design, something that was carefully managed, planned, chosen. The idea of leaving life and death up to mere chance seemed almost as incomprehensible as leaving them up to God, and for all their apparent light, the idea of anyone choosing this sort of life seemed to be another undeniable proof of deep mental and moral darkness.

I gasped as I realized another thing.

“We should be quarantined.”

The children looked at me in confusion.

“She shouldn’t have gone,” I explained. “It isn’t safe. You don’t know—I could be carrying something—frankly, it’s reckless and irresponsible—” I realized, too late, that it was probably inappropriate to be telling them all this—it wasn’t their fault, after all—but they needed to understand the dangers. They seemed shockingly unbothered.

“We knew you weren’t sick,” Sarah said with a shrug.

“But you didn’t. Not really. See, there are these tiny organisms that are too small to see—”

“We know what germs are,” James said flatly.

I realized I’d better quit while I was ahead, and bring it up with Ellen later. I recalled that she’d also mentioned the children’s mother had died. I wondered what had happened to her, and if there might be a discreet way to raise the subject sometime. At the moment, however, I decided on another question.

“What other jobs are there around here?”

They immediately began listing off every occupation they could think of. I learned to my surprise that while most everyone had some sort of garden, most of their food, as well as their clothing, came from animals—cows, sheep, goats, pigs, rabbits, turkeys, chickens, ducks, geese, and quails—and raising animals was apparently considered a full-time job. There were a few normal jobs—doctor, nurse, mechanic—but most were related to the manufacture of some sort of product—carpenter, blacksmith, potter, stonemason, glassblower, leatherworker, and at least three different jobs related to the manufacture of clothing. There was also the butcher, the brewer, the beekeeper, the bookbinder, and people who made paper and ink and soap. Their father and uncle, I learned, were away—they couldn’t say exactly where—getting salt and fish. The list seemed to go on and on, but finally, they came to an end.

“I feel like we’re forgetting someone, though,” James said thoughtfully, finishing off his toast.

They all thought for a moment.

“Is there a leader?” I asked.

There was another moment of silence before Elizabeth shouted out, “Oh! We forgot about the pastor!”

“That’s it!” said James. “I think that’s everyone.”

“He’s not exactly in charge,” David explained, “not the same way as a governor or a president. He can’t make up laws or anything like that. But he is responsible for the church here.”

I wondered exactly what that entailed, but before I could ask any more questions, Sarah announced that the beans were ready. Now that everyone had finished eating, David and Elizabeth cleared the table while James went to the counter and began dicing up the other ingredients, an onion and bacon from the package he had brought in earlier. In a few minutes, he fried them up and added them to the pot, along with a small jar of tomato sauce, a jar of corn, and some peppers.

Before long, the dishes were done and the children began discussing what they would do next.

“I’m making more lights,” David said.

James nodded. “Good idea. I want to see if I can’t split and stack the rest of the wood Jordan dropped off last week.”

“I don’t know,” said Sarah, looking at her sister, “but I was thinking we could surprise Aunt Ellen by doing the laundry.”

I listened in silence, feeling somewhat uneasy as it occurred to me that I didn’t have the slightest clue what to do next or how to make myself useful. I was absently running my fingers through my hair when Sarah suddenly looked at me.

“Oh! Do you want to wash your hair?” she asked. “You could have a bath too, if you like, but we’d need to get more water.”

If I had known how much effort it would take, I might have said no, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to get clean after nearly a week of not bathing. And so Sarah went to light a fire in the wash house, while I followed the others out to the well, where they grabbed buckets and started hauling water. As we ran back and forth over and over again, I quickly grew tired and increasingly irritated as their seemingly boundless energy and undaunted cheerfulness began to grate on me. Again I wondered what sort of life this was, and how they ever managed to do anything when such simple tasks took so long. It was more than half an hour before everything was ready.

There was a large wooden tub, and above it, a simple shower, and Sarah gave me a bar of soap, shampoo, and towels. The arrangement was undoubtedly primitive, but nice all the same. The room was quiet and fairly dark, the only light streaming in through some high, narrow windows. I didn’t realize just how tense and sore my muscles were until I sank into the warm water, and then I just sat there for I don’t know how long, until the water started to cool. Then I bathed quickly and washed my hair once, then twice before rinsing off. The shampoo felt strange, and didn’t lather up like normal shampoo, but it seemed to do the job.

When I stepped outside, it was clear that some time had passed as the shadows were starting to grow longer, and though the woods now appeared bright and almost welcoming, they were beginning to feel a little too close for comfort. I guessed it was around two, and wondered how long it would be until Ellen came home. Before I could think much more about it, I saw James coming from the side of the house, looking tired and dirty, but grinning widely.

“Wood’s done!” he announced, stopping by the makeshift sink to wash his hands and face.

I followed him inside, where we found David at the table, pouring a thick liquid into a long, narrow container filled with rushes, Sarah putting wet clothes through some sort of wringer, and Elizabeth mopping the floor.

“Well, I guess we have managed pretty well on our own today,” James said as they finished up what they were doing. “What do you suppose we should do next?”

“We could always get a head start on tomorrow’s lessons,” Sarah suggested, then laughed as the others all made faces. “Alright then, how about a game?”

The others agreed. James and Elizabeth immediately left the room while Sarah and David finished putting their things away.

“Where are they going?” I asked.

“The living room,” said Sarah. “It faces west, so there’s more light in the afternoon.”

I couldn’t see that the kitchen looked any darker now than it had a few hours earlier, but I said nothing as I followed them to the living room, where the others were seated on a rug in front of an open fireplace, looking though the contents of a basket. To my right I saw a large window overlooking the road and a field, in front of which sat a couch and two large chairs around a small table.

“What sort of games do you play?” I asked, taking a seat on the edge of the couch.

“We have checkers, chess, dominoes, cards,” said James, pointing to different boxes. “There’s also Bible Bee and finish-the-hymn and answer-the-question-as. Or we could read a story.”

“What did you do for fun in the city?” asked Elizabeth, looking up at me.

My mind momentarily went blank as I racked my brain for activities that would appeal to children, figuring the honest answer of scroll the socials and sleep probably wouldn’t cut it. The most exciting thing I could think of was the displays, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to explain that to them yet. Fortunately, I quickly snapped out of it and jumped into tour guide mode.

“There’s lots of fun stuff to do in the city,” I said. “There are shops and restaurants and museums where you can learn about anything you want, and every building has its own gym and a pool where you can go swimming, and just outside the city there’s a nature preserve with a park people can visit to see all the plants and animals.”

“Were there any libraries?” asked Sarah.

“Well, we don’t really have many print books,” I explained. “They take up a lot of space, and they can get lost or damaged. But we have digital libraries you can access using a phone or computer, and you can borrow any book you like, as well as movies and music.”

“Any book?” David asked skeptically.

I hesitated a moment as the conversation from the previous day came back to me, but then I remembered—

“As a matter of fact, we do have Bibles.”—Kept strictly as historical artifacts, but no need to tell them that.—“We even have churches.”

Not that I knew anything about them, but they did exist.

The children looked unconvinced.

“We’ve heard,” said Sarah. “Mr. Walther said they all chose to change with the times, and hardly anyone goes there now, and the ones that do don’t read.”

I was spared from having to answer when out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of something moving outside and turned to see a hooded figure coming down the road. David followed my gaze and looked out the window.

“Oh!” he exclaimed. “It’s Nan!”

“Who?”

“Our great-grandmother.”

Before I could say anything else, they all ran out into the hall. I rose to follow them but stood frozen where I was, listening as I heard the door open and all of them talking at once, then shuffled forward and looked out to find them gathered around a woman in a long, dark green cloak carrying a covered basket.

She was old, there was no doubt about that. Her gray hair peeked out from a ruffled cap, and she made no effort to hide her wrinkles, but despite her great age, she stood tall and straight and seemed to be in full possession of her faculties, and her light was clear and strong. It struck me, from her manner and the way the children addressed her, that she must be a very important person.

“What’s the matter?” James asked her. “Has something happened?”

“Nothing you need concern yourself with,” she answered, “but I was hoping to speak with your aunt.”

Now David noticed my approach and gave me with a bright smile before turning back to the woman and taking her hand.

“Nan, this is our friend from the city, Miss Bree.” Then turning to me, he said, “This is our great-grandmother, Mrs. Eleanor Hall.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” I said awkwardly.

“Welcome,” she said. She looked me over with an inscrutable expression which quickly turned to concern. “What are you doing up? Come, sit down, sit down.”

She ushered us into the living room and had us all sit down again before asking, “Have you eaten yet?”

“We made French toast for lunch,” said Sarah, “and there’s chili on the stove for dinner. Would you like some tea?”

“I would, thank you. Tea will go nicely with this apple bread from your Aunt Rachel,” she said as she uncovered her basket.

As Sarah left the room, she turned to me. “Now, how are you feeling?”

“I’m alright,” I said, hoping she wouldn’t notice my nervousness.

She didn’t look entirely convinced, but seemed satisfied for the moment.

“Good,” she said with a brisk nod. “You seem to be settling in well.”

I didn’t know what to say, but fortunately she didn’t seem to expect a reply.

“We got our chores and lessons done,” David told her, “and we were just talking about playing a game.”

“Excellent,” she said. “And what have you decided on?”

They began going over their options again. I tried to listen but found myself unable to concentrate any longer, as though a sort of wall had fallen around me, leaving everything outside in a muffled haze. It occurred to me that whatever force was blocking me from connecting was now interfering with basic cognitive functions as well, and I felt almost certain it had something to do with this new visitor.

The haze lifted slightly after a few minutes, when Sarah returned with the tea and the bread was sliced and distributed, and soon they decided on a game that involved building a tower of long wooden blocks, then removing them one by one and placing them on top without causing the whole thing to collapse. It was almost absurdly simple, and I doubted such a game could have held the interest of any child in the city, but it was clearly one of their favorites. In between turns, I found myself continuing to drift in and out of focus, as the conversation generally focused on happenings in the town, and I wondered that they seemed to enjoy each other’s company so much. It was strange—everything was strange, I really did need to find another word to describe things—especially considering I hardly felt comfortable interacting with people my own age half the time. I wondered if this was just how families were here.

Now that things had settled down slightly, I found myself growing bored and wishing I had my phone. I’d barely thought of it in months. The tech had seemed almost laughably obsolete. But now I would have given anything…

Still, it was something of a relief to be able to just sit and watch without having to join in too much. They played for a couple hours, until the sun hovered over the horizon. From time to time, they would glance out the window toward the road. Still, Ellen did not return.

They had just taken a break so Mrs. Hall could start a fire in the hearth and light the lamps, and Sarah could check on the chili and make some fresh tea, when at last we heard the sound of horses. This time James was the first to look out the window.

“It’s Pastor Hansen and Dr. MacDonald,” he said. “What could they want?”

“Oh! You don’t think something’s happened, do you?” Elizabeth asked, looking worriedly from her brother to Mrs. Hall.

“Don’t fret, dear,” said the old woman, patting her hair, “I know what it’s about.”

She stood and went out into the hall, and a minute later we heard her open the door and greet the visitors with, “You can come in, but she isn’t here.”

There were a few more words exchanged that I couldn’t quite catch, and then, “Well, there’s no sense in running out at once. Will you stay a few minutes for some tea?”

The next moment, she returned with two men. The children quickly rose to greet them, and I followed their example a half-second later. I was once more introduced as their friend from the city, though I was almost certain that the introductions were entirely for my sake, as they undoubtedly already knew who I was.

“Well now,” Mrs. Hall said to the children, “it’s almost time for supper. Why don’t you all go on and set the table, and we’ll be along shortly.”

They nodded and ran off, and Mrs. Hall invited the three of us to sit down and talk a while.

“So,” began the doctor, once the tea was poured, “how are you feeling?”

“I’m alright,” I repeated, trying to smile as I kept my eyes fixed on the cup in my hands, grateful for the fact that we weren’t sitting directly across from each other as the combined light of him, the pastor, and Mrs. Hall was now nearly blinding, as they sat facing the window, fully illuminated by the golden light of the setting sun. I felt a migraine coming on.

It must have shown, because he refused to drop the subject. He asked a few more questions about how I’d been sleeping and what I had eaten before coming to the question I’d been dreading for the past two days.

“Do you remember what happened?”

“I–I remember—I don’t know,” I stammered. Fortunately, I was holding it together, but just barely, and mentally kicking myself for not having an answer prepared, and wondering exactly how much they already knew.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, then a moment of silence before the pastor spoke.

“We understand this is difficult for you to talk about,” he said in a low voice, “and you don’t have to tell us if you’d rather not. But you should know that you’re not alone here.”

Before he could say another word, I jumped as I heard a sound outside, and the next moment we heard the door open and Ellen call, “I’m home.”

I thought there was something unusual in her tone. The others seemed to notice too, as the doctor and pastor looked at each other and Mrs. Hall was up faster than I would have thought possible for someone of her age.

“What is it? Is Anna—?”

There was something like a gasp, followed by a long pause, and then—

“Anna is fine. She had a healthy baby girl a little after one. But I’m afraid we’ve had quite an eventful afternoon.”

Ellen came in looking more upset than I would have thought possible for one of them, though upon seeing us all gathered, she seemed to collect herself a little. It was somewhat alarming to see her so unsettled, and now the rest of them as well, but almost comforting in a way, to have proof that they were only human. Even so, their lights continued to shine as brightly as ever, not dimmed in the slightest by this new disturbance. I most definitely had a migraine now, and took the opportunity to quietly excuse myself from the room.

“Well now, what’s happened?” I heard the pastor ask.

“Julia Thompson.”

“It seems that Mrs. Thompson has been rather busy lately,” Mrs. Hall said dryly. “What exactly did she do now?”

I didn’t hear any more as I practically stumbled into the hall, now half-deaf and almost completely blind, and feeling like I would be sick. I just barely made it back to my room before collapsing onto the floor and curling up in a ball, willing my hands to stop shaking and my breathing to return to normal.

I don’t know how long I stayed there. I might have even passed out. Then suddenly, it was over. The attack seemed to pass just as quickly as it had come on. The nausea subsided, my hearing and vision returned, and I found myself standing, once more, just outside the living room, where everyone, including the children, now gathered.

“I have a question,” I heard Elizabeth say.

“Yes, what is it?” Ellen asked.

“Has Aunt Julia gone mad?” she asked seriously.

I risked a peek into the room and saw that for a moment, Ellen almost looked as if she might laugh. There was a long pause before she finally asked, “What makes you think that?”

“Well—I mean—I don’t know—”

She looked helplessly to her sister, who sighed and spoke up.

“It’s because yesterday at the quilting party, she was saying things that sounded just crazy. I mean, we all know what she’s like,” she glanced to her siblings, who all nodded in solemn agreement, “but whenever we were near her, she started going on and on about a stolen ring, and jewels, and how you and Father…”

The adults all exchanged glances. Ellen seemed to grow a bit pale, while Mrs. Hall turned quite red.

“There aren’t really any jewels, are there?” Elizabeth asked.

“As a matter of fact, there are,” Ellen said, her voice somewhat strained. “Some family heirlooms that had been in your aunt’s family since before the town was even established, some of which, by all rights, should have gone to your cousin when she comes of age. But you remember your uncle had that accident a few years back that left him unable to work all summer, and since your aunt was too proud to accept charity, as she called it, she insisted on selling them for food. Needless to say, your uncle was not pleased when he found out, but he felt better once your father told him we had them and would keep them for your cousin. As for the ring—”

Her voice faltered, and she looked to Mrs. Hall.

“Don’t even think of giving it to her,” she exclaimed vehemently. “She has no right—”

“I know, I know, but…oh, I am tired.”

Now the pastor spoke, his voice low and even. “Mrs. Hall is right. The ring is yours by right and by law, there’s no question of that. And even if there was, she would be the last person with a claim to it. But now,” he looked to the girls, “public slander is a very serious charge. Do you know if anyone else heard Mrs. Thompsons’ accusations?”

“I’m sure everyone did,” Sarah said. “She was hardly trying to keep her voice down. And Maggie Shaw said to her face that it was an awful shame to speak such nonsense, and she didn’t believe a word of it. You can ask Mrs. Hansen about it, or Cecily, or Joanna. They all heard her.”

The pastor nodded. “I’ll do that.” Then, to Ellen, “I have to apologize. I see I’ve been quite negligent in my duties. I might have guessed something like this would happen—”

“You’re hardly the only one,” the doctor interjected.

“Yes, yes,” said Mrs. Hall. “No doubt we’ve all let far too much go for far too long, and it’s high time something was done about it.”

With that, it seemed a decision had been made, and in short time, the pastor, the doctor, and Mrs. Hall had taken their leave and gone out into the night. Ellen once again told the children to run along to the kitchen and that she would be along in a minute. For some time she simply stood in the hall, her eyes closed, an unreadable expression on her face. When she finally looked up, she seemed to have regained some of her old energy.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"I'm alright," I lied.

"Good," she said briskly. "We've had a long summer, but they say the first frost will be here any day now. There are a few times in the year when we need all hands on deck, and this is one of them."

I found out what she meant the next morning, when I was awoken before sunrise by a loud knocking at my door. Ellen entered without waiting for a response and threw a jacket and gloves onto my bed.

"Get dressed quickly and put these on. We're heading out to the west field."

The field was about a fifteen minute walk away, and I learned we would be spending the morning picking fruit.

"It's late enough in the season that a good deal of it has been brought in already, but we can't afford to let anything go to waste," Ellen explained.

A handful of others were already there. A few acknowledged our arrival, but fortunately no one seemed to want to talk much. The one exception seemed to be when the pastor and his family arrived a few minutes after us, and he greeted everyone with a shout of, "This is the day that the Lord has made!"

And everyone responded in unison, "Let us rejoice and be glad in it!"

"The earth is the Lord's, and the fullness thereof!"

"The world, and they that dwell therein!"

I grabbed a basket and a ladder and moved to the very edge of the field, where hardly anyone else was yet.

A couple hours later, I had filled what seemed like dozens of baskets full of apples, pears, peaches, and nectarines, as well as some odd bumpy red berries I couldn't identify, and still the empty baskets kept coming. By now the field was filled with workers, and every single one, as far as I could tell, had the same unearthly glow about them. I stayed on the very outskirts of the field and kept my back to them as much as I could, and when I had finally gathered all the fruit there was, I slipped behind a large tree and simply waited until it was time to leave.

As the trees grew bare, the others also slowed down a bit, taking longer breaks and talking more. One group in particular was walking about and stopped directly in front of my hiding spot.

"Has anyone seen Mrs. Thompson?" I heard one woman ask.

"I don't expect we'll be seeing much of her anymore," said another.

"Did you hear there's going to be a trial?" exclaimed a third.

"Yes, though I can't see much point in that. We all know what happened."

"Oh, you don't know the half of it!"

"All the same, these things must be done properly. Matthew 18 and all that."

"I don't expect she will change, though."

"Can't say I do either. But we can hope."

"And pray."

"And pray."

Listening to them talk, I couldn't help feeling sorry for her, whoever she was, and thinking they were taking things a bit far, over what likely as not had been only a few careless words.

The signal to leave finally came a little before noon. The rest of the day and most of the next were spent in cleaning, sorting, peeling, dicing, cooking, baking, drying, and canning. No more was said of Mrs. Thompson, but a good deal was said about Mr. Campbell's prognostications for the coming winter, the state of the Longs' herds compared to the Johnsons', and whether we'd need to buy more blankets. Finally, on Saturday evening, the temperature dropped, and we looked out to see frost covering the window panes. Winter had arrived.

***

Sunday morning, I woke to an empty house. It was strange. The night before, I had excused myself from their nightly gathering as usual, but as I lay alone in the darkness, I toyed with the idea of joining them for church after all. My mind kept going back to James’ invitation, followed by his sudden change of mind. The more I thought about it, the stranger it seemed and the more my curiosity grew, until I was nearly ready to go out and tell them that I would be there, whether they wanted me or not. All the same, it was something a relief to find that the decision had been take out of my hands, and I now resolved to make the most of my time alone.

It didn’t take long to realize, however, that this would not be the nice, relaxing break I’d been hoping for. After a week of busyness and chatter, the silence felt unnerving. I continued to feel as though I was being watched, found myself jumping at the slightest noise, and nearly screamed when I opened the door and felt the cat slip in past my feet.

I found breakfast—an omelet, pickles, and something like hash browns—waiting on the table, ate quickly and washed up as well as I could, and was just looking at the books in the living room when I was startled by a knock at the door. I froze and instinctively ducked behind the couch as the thought of meeting any more people, especially alone, set my heart racing. There followed a long enough silence that I began to hope I might have just been imagining things again, when suddenly there came another knock. I took a couple of deep breaths and finally forced myself to peek outside the window, and in an instant, any apprehension I had felt evaporated, leaving only the most profound confusion.

There was a woman, early thirties, blonde, average height, utterly normal except for how completely out of place she looked here. In the first place, she was wearing pants. That alone seemed so striking that it took a moment to register that I could look at her without wincing.

She caught my eye and waved nervously. I waved back, then hurried to let her in.

“So, you must be our latest guest,” she said warmly, offering me her hand. “Julia Thompson.”

“Bree. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

And it was. Though I might have hoped she was someone from the city come to track me down, the knowledge that the were normal people around here after all was a relief beyond words. And the fact that she was now at the center of the town's gossip made perfect sense.

“Well,” she began, “I suppose you’ve heard all about the little incident a few days ago.”

“I…did hear something about a ring.”

She grimaced. “It was all just a terrible misunderstanding, but I do feel bad about it. I was just coming over to see Ellen and apologize for the whole thing, but”—she peered past me with a look of mild disappointment—“I guess she’s not at home?”

I shook my head. “But, as long as you’re here, would you like to come inside?”

I realized as I said it that it might not have been proper to invite guests into someone else’s home, but I was aching for some company. Maybe she was too, because she smiled brightly and followed me into the kitchen.

It was fortunate there was still a small fire in the stove, and the kettle was still hot. I found some cups and the tea without trouble and laid a few things out on the table. For a moment we simply sat in silence.

“So, how are you finding the place?” she said at last.

“It’s…certainly been interesting,” I offered diplomatically.

She laughed. “That’s one way to put it. Nothing like the city, I’m sure.”

“No.”

She laughed again. “Imagine coming from the city and waking up at the Halls’. I heard they don’t even have water these days. I think I would just die of shock.”

I stared.

“You mean…it’s not all…”—I waved a hand around vaguely—“like this?”

She rolled her eyes. “Well, like I said, it’s absolutely nothing to the city, but we are somewhat civilized. I told my husband before we got married, I refused to live in a house where I had to draw water, and he made sure we had a working pump and decent plumbing. But some people just prefer to live in the past.”

“I guess so.”

I couldn’t help staring at her clothes. Upon closer inspection, they might have been handmade, but they looked a good deal more normal than what I was wearing.

“It’s not a religious thing, if that’s what you’re thinking,” she said, eyeing my long gray skirt, “though some people might like to say it is. The truth is, back when the town was founded, they only had one seamstress, and I guess it must have gotten to be too much for her, because one day she pitched a fit and declared that if people wanted pants, they could make them themselves. She finally relented a bit for the men, but the ladies just had to make do until a new seamstress came along. These days, well—”

She took a sip of tea.

“Well, you know how small towns are.”

I didn’t, but I nodded anyway.

“People will look for any excuse to gossip, and eventually you decide, well, if I’m never going to fit in, I might as well give them something to talk about.”

The visit lasted about half an hour longer before she finally looked out and announced that she would have to run along and catch Ellen some other time.

I saw Ellen and the children coming down the road ten minutes later, and with them was a younger woman dressed all in black. I cleared away what remained of the tea and decided I would tell them about my visitor another time.

I heard the door open, and the next minute, Ellen popped her head into the kitchen and whispered, "Bree? Someone here to see you."

I followed her into the hall and came face to face with the woman in black. I felt her staring at me. I kept my eyes fixed on her dress until my eyes could adjust a little to the light. There was a long moment before she spoke.

“Bree? Sam told me it was you, but I couldn’t believe it.”

Her voice sounded vaguely familiar. As I met her eyes, it was all I could do not to scream. It was Jess.

[part 6]

[whats-wild-to-you]

Dr. Daredevil (Jay Park AU)

Chaeyeon

'Nurse Jung could become an issue.'

I replayed Kang Hyuntae's words in my mind over and over again.

Jaebeom had left for the hospital but insisted that I stayed here and, as he so eloquently put it, heal.

I was absentmindedly chewing on my french toast when I heard the front door spring open. Thinking that Jaebeom came back because he forgot something, I jumped on my feet, eager to meet him halfway.

Only when I stared into the cold eyes of his grandfather, I realized I was wearing one of Jaebeom's shirt that barely covered my ass.

"Figures." The old man commented dryly.

"Mr. Park, I-"

"Save it. I'll wait here while you get dressed."

Much to my surprise I complied and shuffled back to the bedroom, picking up my clothes that there scattered all over the floor.

"I had no idea Jae-"

"That stupid immature boy really thinks he can keep secrets from me."

"I-"

"Let's get to the point of my surprise visit. Ms. Baek, I'll make it quick. I want you gone! Out of my grandson's bed, and life. Out of Seoul. Tell me, how much will it cost?"

I was so taken aback that for a moment I was glad that I didn't sell my parents's house in Andong. But then I came back to my senses. Jaebeom's grandfather was controlling his life and maybe he was intimidating enough to threaten a few more people but he wouldn't succeed with me.

"I'm not quitting!"

"I gathered that much. I'm sad to say that leaves only one option."

He turned on his feet and left without finishing his thought, but I had a pretty good idea about what was going to happed. He would get me fired. I had no doubt that Jaebeom's grandfather possessed that kind of power. All I could hope for was that Kim Donghyun wouldn't let himself get bullied by an old man with money.

Kang Hyuntae

The minute I saw Chaeyeon walking towards me, I knew something was wrong. All her measly attempts to appear busy and dodge everyone who tried to approach her couldn't fool me.

When she passed by me, nodding her head in greeting, I grabbed her arm and dragged her inside the nearest supply closet.

"What the fuck is wrong?"

"With you? I'd say a lot!"

"Quit bullshitting. What happened?"

She pushed past me, shooting me a warning glare. I decided to let her go, I'd approach her later when she had time to cool off.

But I didn't see her for the rest of the day, and stayed well after I was done with work, waiting for her.

Chaeyeon

Thank God my day turned out to be busy. I welcomed the workload, as it kept my mind from spiraling. There was no doubt in my mind that Jaebeom's grandfather had threatened me. I needed someone to confide in, but I couldn't talk to either Jaebeom or Dr. Kang.

Twelve hours after I entered the hospital this morning I checked up on my last patient and handed my files to the night nurse. My job here was done and I had earned myself a hot bath and a warm meal at home.

"Dr. Baek?"

I turned around, looking into the frightened eyes of a younger doctor.

"The director wants to see you."

Even though I was desperate to take a quick shower and change out of these filthy scrubs, I nodded and changed my direction, walking towards the elevators.

At an easy pace I walked up to Kim Donghyun's office. I had caught a rare case earlier. A patient who came in, displaying conflicting symptoms. Every doctor was in his room, trying to figure out what was wrong with the man, but in the end it was me who diagnosed him correctly. I guess word travelled back to Kim Donghyun and he wanted to congratulate me. Maybe even present me with a premium. Already schemening about how I would spent the money, I pushed down the handle, casually walking in and plopping down on his comfortable couch.

"Hello, Mr. Kim." I said in a chipper tone.

Kim Donghyun looked up from his folder, acknowledging my presence.

"Dr. Baek, you're here."

I was still on a high from my earlier success that I failed to hear the dull tone in his voice.

"I heard you had an interesting case earlier..."

I was grinning from ear to ear, impatiently waiting to hear about my reward.

"... which makes what I'm about to say even more difficult. Dr. Baek, I'm sorry but you're fired."

It was as if someone had dropped a bucket of ice cold water over my head. I was petrified, my mind was racing to make sense of what I just heard, yet I couldn't move my lips to utter that one word swirling around in my head.

Why?

I watched as Kim Donghyun shifted his focus back on the folder on his desk, indicating that our conversation was over.

Just like that?

Fired?

Without any plausible reason?

Really?, the voice in my head screamed.

It took all my willpower to get up and leave his office with my head held high, when all I wanted to do was cry, drop down on my knees and beg him to change his mind.

You know why you're fired!, a much smaller voice answered in my head as I finally shuffled out of his office.

It appeared that Jaebeom's grandfather was a lot more powerful than I had imagined.

Not wanting to deal with anyone, I just exited the hospital, needing to get far away from this place. In reality I was cowering on a park bench in a nearby park, waiting for the time to pass. Eventually I had to go back for my clothes and stuff but the later it got the bigger were my chances to walk into an empty hospital.

It was close to midnight when I heaved my body off the wooden park bench and began walking towards the building. I passed by the security guard who greeted me and turned left heading towards the cafeteria. It was a shortcut. If I took the emergency staircase up to the fourth floor I could avoid the night nurse too.

"There you are!" I heard someone call after me.

I immediately recognized his voice. Moments later he emerged from the shadows.

"Maybe you want to talk about it now?"

"What's the point? You already know!"

"I do. You got fired. Did you run into Jaebeom's grandfather? Where? Did he threaten you? Ask you to leave? Talk to me!"

I cringed when Kang Hyuntae mentioned Jaebeom. For a moment I wondered if he knew. If I would find a dozen unanswered calls and messages on my phone.

"He doesn't know. He left early."

Does that mean everybody else in this hospital knows I was fired?

"I just came back to get my stuff."

"What will you do?"

I just shook my head, unable to form a coherent thought. I'd have to confront myself at some point and seek answers to these questions, but not tonight.

Jaebeom

After I had left work early, I had dinner with some businessmen my grandfather insisted I had to meet. Dinner led to drinks, which led to more drinks at a bar and by the end of the night I was drunk and had to call a substitute driver.

I barely made it into my apartment and sulked when I realized Chaeyeon wasn't there. Surely she must've seen the key I left for her on the shoe rack. I smiled to myself, realizing I probably had to spell it out for her.

I didn't think I was ready for her to move in permanently but I definitely wanted her to use the key and make a surprise appearance every now and then.

My last thought before I drifted off to sleep was how the sheets still smelled like her and how that was the closest this place ever felt to a home.

I texted Chaeyeon first thing in the morning, asking if we could meet outside the hospital for lunch. When I didn't get a text back I chalked it up to her busy schedule. As I walked in through the door I texted Hyuntae, asking him to meet me in my office.

When he showed up, he looked like he had a rough night and an even rougher morning.

"Everything okay? You look like crap."

He nodded, but there was surprise, astonishment and worry in his eyes. His lips formed into an o-shape and he avoided eye contact.

"You're being weird today. Weirder than usual. Hey, have you seen Chaeyeon this morning? She must be super busy!"

He shook his head, trying to squeeze his body past mine even though I was effectively blocking the door.

When I fixated my stare on him he sighed before racking his fingers through his hair.

"Last night Kim fired Chaeyeon."

"What?" The word came out as a angry roar.

Why didn't she contact me? Why didn't Kim contact me?

"I don't know the specifics, all I know is that this has Park Min Gu written all over it!"

"My grandfather? Why would h-" The words stuck in my throat. Of course he would do something like that. He probably had planned it all along.

"I tried to talk to her, yesterday morning, but she wouldn't tell me what was wrong with her!"

"Yesterday morning?!"

My mind was going a mile a minute. I left in my apartment yesterday morning. Could my gr- No! Impossible. I bought the apartment with my own money, using an alias. There's no way he found out I own it. But what if he-

"Fuck! Do you know where she is right now?"

"No idea. I tried to call her but her phone must be turned off."

"What about Lee Kangmin?" I hated this guy with a passion but he was Chaeyeon's friend. Maybe he knew something.

Kang Hyuntae's face lit up. "I didn't even think about asking him. I'll track him down and see what I can find out. I'll text you as soon as I know more."

He patted my shoulder and left me alone with my thoughts.

This time the chairman went definitely too far.

Chaeyeon

Soojung loaded my plate with scrambled eggs and french toast and placed a mug of black coffee next to it.

"Eat. Then talk." She demanded, while angrily stabbing the scrambled eggs with her fork.

I had showed up at her door late last night and initially offered no explanation for my sudden visit.

Instead I noticed the absence of her husband, but not only he was gone. His stuff was gone too.

'We're not going to talk about my failed marriage when you look like you've been crying. Spit it out or I'll make you!'

Soojung had always been intimidating, but because I was her friend I was immune to it. Last night though she was terrifying, so I gave her the Reader's Digest version before curling up into a ball on the couch and falling asleep.

After I had told her the whole story over breakfast the next morning, she sighed, impatiently tapping her perfectly manicured nails on the marble counter.

"What are you going to do next?"

"What else? I'm going back to Andong."

"No way! You have to stay and fight. They can't fire you like this!"

"What's the point? Jaebeom's grandfather has too much influence! I can stay but I won't get hired by another hospital in this city! Mr. Park made sure of that."

"What will you do about Jaebeom? I'm sure he's going to call when he finds out what the old man did. Are you going to ignore him?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "They're family."

"And you really want to go?"

"Want, no! But I have no choice. I'm going to call Hwang Inseok and beg for my old job back, and pray that the news haven't reached his ears yet."

My genius plan backfired, royally, when Hwang Inseok ignored all my calls.

An unnerving thought sat in the pit of my stomach. Did the old man's power reach so far that he was able to manipulate Hwang Inseok too?

Surely that wouldn't be the case, but I had to see for myself. I had to go to Andong and see Hwang Inseok in person.

After charging my phone, I switched it back on and, no surprise, found several dozen messaged and missed calls from Jaebeom. Out of instinct, I blocked his number and asked Soojung for the keys to her car.

-> next chapter

[pbandjesse]

I'm sitting in the ER. This is not how I thought today was going to go.

I shouldn't be to terribly surprised. I slept horribly. Like I was so excited to sleep in our new house. We already ran into a homeowner problem and our shower won't get hot. Fixable but something we couldn't deal with last night. We each took room temperature showers and went to sleep.

I was tossing and turning a lot last night. My breathing was bad. I was wheezing a lot. And my throat hurts so bad. Every time I swallow I grimace. It was pretty terrible. But that didn't really dampen my excitement for being in our house.

I really love the placement of the bed. And when the sun rose it made the room glowy and warm.

But even though I was really happy about that I felt like garbage. I was trying to convince myself I was well so I could go to work. So through my grimacing I got dressed. And James made the bed. And James packed me a little lunch. And I thought about staying home. But instead James drove me to work.

We would stop for hash browns. That was painful to eat but tasted good.

When we got to camp I was very surprised to see that the office has a beautiful new red tin roof! Very cool! I would learn later that it took 3 days to install.

James was trying to be supportive but I was struggling talking and they were struggling to hear me and I kept having to repeat myself which was very painful and I was getting very upset. James would head out with the car to do some chores. We decided they would come back for me around lunch.

I would occupy the first hour with checking my emails. Drawing my sticker of the day. And working on my example document for my workshop this weekend. This was nice and I felt productive. Even if I physically felt really bad.

Sarah would come in soon and was sad to hear I wasn't feeling good. But her and everyone else was really excited to hear about our trip to Disney. Which I was excited to talk about despite it been a little painful to talk.

I would have a nice morning overall though.

I got to help with some stuff. Me and Sarah drove up to Yukon to measure mattress covers. Forgot the keys and the tape measure and had to go back down to the office. Oops.

I would also help Elizabeth compile wedding interest emails for 2025. I was struggling but at least I was doing stuff.

I had originally asked James to get me at 1. But around 11 I asked them to come at noon. But they misunderstood and said they had planned on leaving at noon. But they would split the difference and come at 1230 when it was realized the confusion.

I was so happy to see them. I was so excited to go home. It would take a while to get home. I was drifting off and my head my lolling all over the place.

When we got home I was surprised the house was a little smokey. James has burned some butter. But that was okay but didn't smell or anything. All I wanted was to lay down.

I had to put a few things away. But it didn't take long. James came and tried to baby me. Sweetp was there. I was so cold.

I got my light up mirror and looked in my throat and was surprised by how inflamed and swollen it was in there. I had spit up a little blood earlier. I was worried.

I don't like going to the doctor. I avoid it. I have no fears of the doctor but half the time when you go because you're sick they tell you fluids and bed rest. Duh. But this felt more serious. I asked James to call our PCP and ask what to do.

They told James to take me to urgent care. But I was so tired. We negotiated and decided I would sleep for one hour and then they could take me.

It was actually really good sleep. I didn't wake myself up a bunch. I was cold but James out a heating pad on me and I went right to sleep.

When I woke up I didn't want to be. I didn't want to go to the doctor. But James said we had to.

I filled my new diet coke cup with water. My throat hurts so bad but I thought it would help sooth it a little. James would run around the house for a bit because they couldn't find their keys (had fallen into a shoe??) And I sadly sat in my studio until they were ready to go.

They were really nice at patient first. We didn't have to wait to long. They did a bunch of tests on me. No strep or COVID. But the nurse kept going "oh honey..." When she looked in my throat. The doctor who came back to look at me said he thinks it's an abscess and if it gets worse it could close off my airway. Terrifying. I was very close to tears.

They told me I needed to go to the ER. I did not want to do that. But he insisted. So after taking my blood and winding my white blood count was elevated, James would drive me to the ER.

And that's where I am now. With a dying phone. I am also super hungry. I'm going to wait to post this and update it as the night goes on. We have been here a while now, and will continue to be for a lot longer I'm sure. There's 50 people here at least. And it's been very confusing but at least every staff member has been so nice.

We are still waiting. I'm considering asking James to take me somewhere else. But a sweet boy just bought a pizza and shared with a few people who have been stuck here for hours. He's refusing money because he believes the karma will come back to him. What a sweet heart.

After someone who came in right after us was told there was still 50 people ahead of him we started calling other hospitals. We left Bayview and went to Union memorial around 8. And while it's much smaller and quieter, it is also full. And tensions are high?? Two people have stormed out. One girl has been verbally accosting the security guard. Like we're going to get seen eventually. At least it's quieter.

Progress! After an hour wait we have made it to a room! I am very excited to be laying down.

Someone has come back to speak to me. And she does not think it's an abscess that will choke me. But she is concerned. And it looks like I may be out on steroids but I am waiting to hear more. I am absolutely exhausted. I cannot wait to go home. I hope it's soon.

So after a bit more waiting (and my phone dying) they declared that because both of my tonsils are swollen it is not an abscess and I just have tonsillitis. An infection. They gave me steroids, a very strong ibuprofen, and a drinkable lidocaine and I already feel a lot better. My heart rate was high so they wanted me to sit and drink water to get it to calm down.

Taking the lidocaine helped but it was horrific to take. It was like a jelly and I gagged and almost threw up. I did warn everyone before hand because I knew that would happen. But at least it helped quickly and I don't feel like I'm drowning anymore.

We were free to go after they checked my heart again. And I was thrilled.

We just got home and I'm charging my phone. Im going to wash my face and James is going to bring me ice cream. And then hopefully I can just fall asleep.

I already let Alexi know I wouldn't be in work tomorrow. And James took off too. So I get to be babied a bit tomorrow. And I'm hoping that I can just feel better. Do some drawing. And rest.

I hope your night wasn't as eventful. I love you all. Goodnight