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taechaos · 4 years ago

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Blackmail

pairing: bully!Jungkook x nerdy!fem!Reader

genre: drabble, smut, college au

synopsis: Jimin offers you information on Jungkook, but your friendship is misconstrued by Jungkook who ends it singlehandedly with one video of you professing your love to him between moans.

warnings: dubcon, fingering, degredation, mild squirting, manipulation

word count: 2.8k

a/n: jealous kook doesn't realize he's jealous. this part is a bit extreme, so beware ><

One doesn't come across someone like Jungkook every day. It's fate that you met him in your first year of college, extending to your second where he grows closer to you; fair, it's clear that he only intends to use you for his academic success, but you've deluded yourself into thinking you're in love with each other. Growing up, you only had your dysfunctional family to teach you about how to love, how to think. As long as Jungkook needs you, he will love you, and you’re willing to do anything to be with him, only him. You need him to live.

Birds sing in the background as you lay on your stomach on the grass of the yard across the campus. It’s sunny and breezy, the perfect spring day as you work on Jungkook’s research paper due next month. You compiled multiple credible sources in a separate file to create an outline for his essay the moment he forwarded the assignment to you. You want him to praise you, pet your hair, kiss your cheek for starting so early so he can turn it in before anyone else. He would be proud, flashing you his pearly whites and adoring eyes. The reward motivates you to work harder and you’re relentlessly skimming through articles while counting down the minutes of Jungkook's lecture. He'll be outside with his friends in 7 minutes.

With a bad childhood, you don’t care to befriend many people. You only have a few friends to keep you company and you’re socially awkward outside of that group. You’re content, so you steer clear of boys who try to sabotage your relationship with Jungkook. Jimin, however, doesn’t get the memo.

Typing away on your laptop, a shadow looms over you to give you a break from the sunlight. You glance up and stop swinging your legs absentmindedly when you recognize the shadow; it’s a boy with frames and a tight collar adorning his neck.

Park Jimin is a typical nerd whereas you’re more of a closeted nerd. When you’re in love, you usually put more effort into your appearance to impress the one on your mind, but that doesn’t work with Jungkook. It’s always other men giving you their attention through second glances, and that includes Jimin.

“What do you want?” you rudely greet. Jimin is ruthless with his attempts at pursuing you; he’s the perfect gentleman, and often volunteers to do group tasks with you. He is never mean to anyone, and has a squeaky clean reputation, but his only flaw is that he can’t take a hint. You don't bother being friendly to him because you don't want friends.

"I want to know why you look so happy," he bends over to curiously glance at your screen, "while doing homework?"

You slam the monitor closed to stop his ogling. "You wouldn't get it. And stop watching me," you sternly say.

"What's your secret?" he grins and sits down on the grass next to you with crossed legs. His upper body serves as a shade and you stop squinting.

"There is no secret, I was just in a good mood until you came along." You're not upset, but you don't want to lead Jimin on and he won't leave unless you blow him off.

"Thinking of Jungkook?" he teases with a mischievous smile.

"Are you stalking me?"

"No, you're just too obvious," he chuckles, but the sound is strained. You don't notice his melancholy as he continues, "You were doing his homework again?"

You shift on your propped elbows a little uncomfortably. Jimin doesn't need to know what you do in your free time. "Yes," you answer anyway.

"You know he has daddy issues?"

Your eyes round as your discomfort dissipates instantly; he's piqued your interest. "Really?"

"Yeah, he has a tough exterior but he's actually a real softie."

An involuntary smile carves on your face before it falters as you ask, "How do you know this?"

"We went to high school together. I can tell you some stories if you want," he boasts when he realizes he has your attention. The context makes his heart sink, but when he imagines your lovesick grin is directed at him, it fills him with joy.

"Tell me, tell me! Please."

"Weeell," he draws with a lopsided grin, "don't tell him I told you this, but he used to hate girls. I don't know if he still does, but back then he couldn't even stand talking to a girl."

"Why?" your eyes are wide with interest as you whisper.

He shrugs, "No idea, but he hit a girl once when she wouldn't stop clinging onto him. Not like drop-kick her," he laughs, "he just shoved her on the ground. Be careful with him, okay? He can be very aggres-"

"You guys forming a nerd club now?"

You gasp when you hear Jungkook's voice. When you look up at him, he's almost glaring as his eyes flicker from you to Jimin. You're gleeful at his approach, because he never comes to you unless it's about a new assignment. It flutters your heart to see him without any papers in his hand.

You don't take his subtle insult to heart as you immediately respond, "No, we were just talking. H-Hi."

"Pull down your skirt, you look like a whore. I can see your panties all the way from the gates," he seethes in distaste. You instantly sit up with a blush and tug your skirt down to your knees. He looks back at Jimin who's glaring at him under his lashes, "The fuck's your deal?"

"Nothing," Jimin grits. Although he hates Jungkook's guts, he's too smart to fight a lost cause. He has his own set of muscles, but it isn't enough. It's best to accept defeat now.

"Did you start on the paper?" Jungkook asks you.

"Yes, I-"

"Good," he cuts you off and crouches to peck your lips by pulling the back of your neck. You're stunned when he pulls away and nonchalantly walks off to his friends.

Jimin follows him with his eyes and mutters under his breath, "douche."

Your heart is racing and you clamp a hand over your chest as a lovestruck smile spreads across your face. You know this is your end of the bargain, but it never fails to shrivel you up in delight.

"Are you two dating?" he mumbles as he pulls on the grass with a pout.

"Something like that," you exhale as you caress your lips.

It’s become routine to link up with Jimin where he reminisces his high school memories and you don’t doubt a single word he says unless it sheds a bad light on Jungkook. You’ve learned so much about him in the past few days, and you’re eager to know more. He likes energy drinks to this day, he was athletic in school and often got into fights. He began interacting with girls when he entered college, as Jimin says, “only for a quick fuck.”

Though it hurts Jimin that you only talk to him for information on Jungkook, he can’t bring himself to care when you hang onto every word he says with a glint in your eyes like you’re doing now.

You're sitting in the bustling cafeteria across from Jimin, sipping on a homemade strawberry lemonade from your thermos, and you don't notice Jungkook glancing at your table every now and then. It is the first time he doesn't feel your heavy gaze on him. Jimin does notice however, because he is facing him every time he receives a threatening ferile look.

"He could become a lawyer with how much he blackmailed the teachers to give him a good grade," Jimin tells you as he glances back and forth between you and Jungkook. "He's quite dangerous, you know. He's manipulative, a liar and has no empathy-"

"He's clever," you counter defensively, "he knows how to get around the system."

He makes a disgruntled noise from the back of his throat with a grimace. "I don't think the judge would listen to that."

You laugh at his comparison of the conversation to a court hearing. Jimin can be funny sometimes, and you have to admit that he's not that bad of a friend either. You've come to enjoy his company without the topic of Jungkook the past few days, but talking about him is always appreciated.

"Are you the judge then?" you cheekily ask.

"I might as well be, since I'm not biased like a certain someone," he teases with a grin.

"A lawyer has to see the bright side of things, but if I was the prosecutor, I wouldn't tell you that your lecture is in five minutes."

His smile falters as his eyes widen; you remember his schedule? He ran late for a lecture yesterday, but he’s in disbelief that you reminded him today. "Th-Thanks," he breathes as he packs up his belongings before giving you a curt, shy nod. His heart pounds when he walks away, and he resists the urge to look back at you.

It's a good idea, because that's when Jungkook settles down on his former seat.

"I'm thinking you might be forgetting who you belong to," he starts as he gets comfortable on the stiff chair. You instantly smile at his appearance.

"No, I'm very well aware of it." Your tone is high-pitched in excitement.

"It wasn't a question."

"Oh..."

“You talk more than you work,” he observes with a quirk of his brow. “One would think another nerd would be a better influence on you.”

“I work at night,” you defend worriedly, “I promise I’m not slacking off. Can I get a kiss please?”

You’re so adorable when you’re needy. He hides a smirk with a bite of his lip; he thrives from your loyalty to him, but he knows Jimin is a threat to it. He wants you to stop talking to that freak, and he justifies it as a concern for his grades. “I’ll kiss you when you’re not procrastinating. Do you think you deserve even a pat on the head?”

“I do! I’m halfway done with the research paper, please Jungkook,” you beg pathetically, “I-I’ll show it to you, I have it with me right now.” You start unzipping the case of your laptop until he holds up a hand for you to stop.

“You’re going to read it to me, but not here.”

When he stands up, so do you in a haste. He leaves the cafeteria with you hot on his tail, almost jogging when his strides are much bigger compared to yours. You resemble a clueless lamb following a lion, desperate to hold his claws with your hooves. You don’t know where he’s leading you as you walk down the halls until you stop in front of a door. You’re about to freak out when he swings open the door, but you realize the lecture room is empty.

“You want me to read here?” you inquire meekly. It’s a little intimidating to do it in complete silence, because you have a tendency to stutter when reading out loud and you don’t want to embarrass yourself in front of Jungkook where no one can talk over you.

“Yup.” He snatches your laptop case from your hand with the handle, and roughly opens it before placing the device on the front row wooden desk. It’s a large hall, and the desks stretch out to the half of the room. You’re feeling stage fright for no particular reason; it feels like reverse claustrophobia. “Open the document and give me your phone.”

You don’t question him and hand in your phone before going through your files on the laptop. Jungkook is looking through your contacts and grins when he finds himself saved as: the love of my life ♡. Jimin is saved by his name, and he finds his WhatsApp through his information below. Once he opens your empty chat with him, he switches to your camera and pushes your back so you’re bent over the desk. You sharply inhale and ask, “Kook?”

“Don’t get distracted now,” he lightly scolds and starts pulling down your pants. You stopped wearing skirts after the incident a week ago to appease him. You stammer with your back arched, and your ass is on full display for him. It’s humiliating. “Start reading.”

“H-Humans are- Jungkook?” you warily look back at Jungkook when he slides the slit of your panties to the side.

“Are you slacking off?” he condescends.

You bite your lip anxiously and continue reading, “Humans are social animals that n-need social interaction,” Jungkook spits in his hand, “the extent of our social relationships is the most important predictor of h-happiness.” You squeal when you feel wet fingers graze your folds, but you know better than to stop and ask what he’s doing.

“Continue,” he coaxes softly as he brushes his fingertips over your pussy lips.

“Um, o-one of the main reasons our brains have developed the way they have is so that we can be social,” you speak between shaky breaths. Your cheeks are tinted crimson with embarrassment from his touches; why is he pleasuring you when he specifically told you, you didn’t deserve any? “Being happy a-all of the time is neither possible nor desirable.”

“Is it now?” He slips a finger in your cunt and you involuntarily let out a cry as you push your body forward. You don’t notice him holding up your phone behind you while slowly sliding his finger in and out of you. His saliva is mixing with your arousal as you answer in a gasp, “Yes.”

“Tell me why.”

“B-Because negative feelings are natural. When it comes to negative feelings, the most important thing to remember is to learn,” you pause to exhale with quivering lips, “to control certain potentially harmful thoughts.” You whine his name when another finger is added to your heat. You’re moving your hips back and forth until he slaps your wet folds as a warning. “Sorry,” you peep and continue in a breath, “Happiness all of the time entails epistemic irrationality.”

It’s difficult to keep your eyes open when you just want to indulge in his thrusts, but you’re encouraged to stop reading when he doesn’t comment on your moans. His pace is quickening and you chase his fingers with your hips, cum dripping down his wrist as you mewl.

“You enjoying yourself, whore?”

You nod and whimper, “So much.” You’re clutching the edge of the desk as he fingers you with fervor.

“And you're my girl?”

“Yes, all yours, I love you so much,” you pant, not stopping for a moment to question his words. He has a full view of your sopping wet cunt on the camera, and he lightly blows on you, making you shiver. He’s recording you confess your love for him while getting fingered.

“Only me?” he presses.

“Only you, Jungkook, I love you more than anything,” you slur as you start to feel a knot in your stomach.

“Then pee.”

“Wh-What?”

“Touch your clit and pee.” He removes his fingers from your clenching hole and takes a step back. “Prove your love to me.”

You mourn the loss of his hand while staring wide-eyed at the floor. You’re contemplating his demand as your hand slowly reaches down to your clit. Is he asking you to squirt? Your breathing is shallow as you near your climax, and you still don’t know if you’ll go through with his requirement.

It drips out in tiny drops as you come undone, moaning as clear liquid spills out of you for only a few seconds.

“Good girl, my good little girl,” Jungkook whispers as he intently watches you humiliate yourself in the name of love. You’re twitching and trembling in shame when he stops recording you and sends it to Jimin without a second’s waste. “Are you okay, baby?”

You hum with a pout as you collect yourself by standing up straight, a sway in your posture.

“Give me your panties, you’ve made a mess on the floor,” he chastises as he holds out a hand. You slip and step out of them before giving it to him. In return, he passes your phone before feigning a gasp, “Shit, I think I sent Jimin a video of you when I was trying to forward it to my phone.”

Your mouth falls open as heat consumes your entire being. “H-Huh?” Tears brim in your eyes almost instantly; your heart is pounding from anxiety.

“How will you ever look at him now,” he empathizes with a fake frown. “He must think of you as such a slut now.”

“Let me delete it,” you panic as you open your phone. “Wh-Where is it?”

He motions you to give him the phone and opens WhatsApp after. “He’s already seen it.” There are two blue ticks under the message.

“No, no, no,” you pull your hair in agony with a whimper. You quickly put your pants back on and cry as you do so.

“I guess that’s the end of your friendship,” he raises his eyebrows to himself without a hint of sympathy.

“What do I do?!” you wail and fling your hands in stress.

“Avoid him. I’ll make sure he won’t leak it.”

He steps forward to lean in your face intimidatingly. “And don’t talk to him ever again.”

You don’t exactly have a choice now, do you?

#bts imagines #bts scenarios #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #bts smut #jeon jungkook smut #jungkook smut #jungkook imagines #jjk smut

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jisungsmochi · 3 years ago

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favorite crime - na jaemin

this is the second installment for my SOUR series! you can read jeno’s one here!

a little bad boy!jaemin x troubled (?) but still a ‘goodie goodie’ reader // strangers to friends to partner in crime to strangers again :/

word count: 7.2k

summary: “It's bittersweet to think about the damage that we'd do

'Cause I was goin' down, but I was doin' it with you”

who would have ever thought that, jaemin, the quiet boy you met in detention, would become your first love? getting involved with his shenanigans was probably the worst thing you could have done in your life. you were lucky enough to love someone like him, someone who excited you, scared you, and most of all, loved you back. but what happens when his actions suddenly have consequences?

a/n: this summary sucks but i liked writing this alot,, explains why it took me so long to write it oops.

tagging the bestie: @skrtbabe

Know that I loved you so bad

I let you treat me like that

I was your willing accomplice, honey

as you walked into the near-empty classroom, you made a beeline for the closest seat to the window. if you were going to be stuck in detention for two hours, you might as well have a nice view. you let out a short sigh to yourself, one hour and fifty eight minutes to go. the supervising teacher was lazily marking her class’ essays, completely choosing to ignore the entrance of na jaemin. he gave her a subtle scoff before stumbling past the desk, making his way to sit behind you. you heard him roughly place his bag onto the surface of his desk. you’d be lying if you said you didn’t want to look back and see what he was up to. jaemin was always a mystery to you, and to everyone else in the school. despite keeping himself away from the majority, people had quite a lot to say about the boy. you heard rumours that he got stabbed (which you didn’t believe at all) but your classmate, haechan, insists he had video evidence. if anything, you don’t think you had ever spoken to jaemin in your entire life, but that was all about to change.

thirty minutes into detention and you were beyond bored. everybody was either catching up on school work or trying their best to not be caught on their phones. you opted to staring out the window, eyes following the movements of a particular butterfly. eventually, the butterfly decided it was time to leave your line of sight, causing you to let out a short huff. you heard a soft chuckle, belonging to the previously silent boy behind you. you slowly turned to face him, his eyes immediately latching to meet yours. he had his chin perched on top of his right palm, a cunning grin on his face. you gave him a glare,

“what are you laughing at?” you faintly whisper to him. this caught him off guard, he didn’t expect you to sound so stern.

“an explosion is about to happen” you grew to be more confused, what is he talking about?

“wha-“

“i’ll be right back! s-stay where you are!” your teacher suddenly blurts out, rushing out of her room as fast as she could. the rest of the students all looked over at eachother, some even opting to leave detention entirely.

you turned back to the snickering boy, who clearly had something to do with it.

“what the hell did you do?”

“put laxatives in her coffee” your jaw dropped, how the hell did he manage to do that?

“w-what’s wrong with you?”

“what’s wrong with you? learn to live a little” he suddenly stood up, slinging his bag across his body. his eyes still stayed on you, silently asking for you to follow him. this was one hell of a first impression. you weren’t sure what took over you in that moment, but you found yourself trailing behind na jaemin like a lost puppy as he led you both out of the school gates. he didn’t speak much to you, aimlessly walking to wherever the hell he needed to be.

“so what did you get into detention for?” he suddenly asked you, causing you to stiffen. you weren’t a stranger to getting into trouble, your short temper often being the root of your issues. but you weren’t exactly the most comfortable talking to new people.

“ah you’re a bit shy? i’ll start then, i stole lee haechan’s clothes after gym practice” he smirked to himself, feeling some sense of pride.

“that was you? he was running around school butt naked because of you” you couldn’t help but chuckle at the memory of seeing two full ass cheeks after your history class.

“that’s what he gets for claiming that he has proof i got stabbed? which is ridiculous by the way” jaemin shakes his head before coming to a complete stop. you slightly bump into his right shoulder, quickly stabilising yourself before looking at the quiet cafe infront of you.

“hungry?” you nodded in response, following him into the cafe. he seemed to have known some of the workers, earning you a free croissant and hot chocolate.

“so, i told you why i got into detention, now it’s your turn” he chimed, clearly entertained by having you as company.

“i punched kim yuna in the face” you slightly cringed at your own words. you weren’t the one to be physical in your confrontations, but this girl really struck a nerve.

“sheesh, i saw her earlier, you gave her nose a good bruising, i must say” he couldn’t help but find the entire thing entertaining. this was so odd to you, every person that had witnessed it, thought you went crazy. but here jaemin was, laughing at the situation.

“you think this is funny?” you asked curiously, rather than in a judgemental manner.

“well yeah, i don’t know why you did it, but she probably deserved it” he shrugged, taking a bite of his own pastry. you felt your shoulders begin to relax, infact your entire demeanour had changed. jaemin was the only person that didn’t push you to admit your faults and apologise. he didn’t need to know the whole story, he just took your words for what they were.

the next hour consisted of you and jaemin, sharing stories on some of the mischievous things you had gotten up to in the past. from small things like setting off stink bombs during an exam, to running from the mall cops after stealing a pair of pants from a store. jaemin liked your reactions to his stories, at first your face would be full of shock, then turn into some sort of enlightenment. he found it quite endearing to watch. he wasn’t too bad on the eyes either.

“need me to walk you home?”

“i don’t need you to do anything for me” jaemin just smirked at your response,

“but i wouldn’t mind if you did”

“ah i see how it’s going to be”

“what do you mean?”

“our relationship, it’s going to be very push and pull” what on earth was he on about?

“you got that from just spending a few hours with me?” jaemin nodded, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets.

“i think we’ll be spending a lot of time together” was all he said back. if you had told yourself earlier that day, that you’d become na jaemin’s partner in crime, you’d punch yourself in the face. but this was only the beginning.

from that day onwards, you would purposely seek out jaemin’s presence. whether it be you walking to the most isolated parts of school, or simply trying to get into detention in the case he was there again. as a result of the laxative prank, jaemin had earned a two week long suspension. you had caught wind of this information from the school’s chatterbox, haechan. you’d think after being humiliated by jaemin, he’d keep his name out of his mouth.

you decided to visit the same cafe you accompanied jaemin to, incase he was hanging out there. you weren’t sure why you wanted to be around him so much. if anything, you were more at risk of getting another detention, or becoming a social outcast. but you were going to take those chances.

as you entered the cafe, your eyes scanned near and far for any sight of the black haired boy. you were about to give up, when you heard a voice,

“stalking me now?” you immediately froze, too nervous to turn back. you felt jaemin’s hand on your shoulder, slowly turning your around to face him.

“i-i no it’s not what it looks like-“

“it’s fine, you must have missed me, no?” he let a cocky grin land on his face. you just rolled your eyes, ready to walk right back out that door.

“let’s get up to some trouble today” he gripped your wrist gently, dragging you out of the cafe. he didn’t let go of you, once again, you were aimlessly following him. why did you let him do this to you?

jaemin wasn’t too much of a talker, he tended to try and speak with his eyes. you found it interesting, the way he expected you to know exactly what was on his mind. he eventually stopped walking after reaching an abandoned building. you were beginning to feel slightly anxious, noticing that the sun was slowly setting and the breeze was getting cooler. jaemin plopped his carry bag on the concrete floor, you heard clinking sounds erupt from the bag. he moved to pull out a few spray cans.

“ever graffitied?” you shook your head,

“not spray painting, but i’ve drawn some not so pleasant pictures in the bathroom stalls” you shrug as he handed you a can of bright yellow spray paint. he slightly chuckled at your anecdote, which made you look down at the ground.

“well you won’t get in trouble for messing up this place”

“what is this place anyway?” you start to shake the can, watching as jaemin started spraying onto the blank wall.

“somewhere i come when i don’t feel like going home” you weren’t sure if you wanted to press him to elaborate, so you just nodded, beginning to spray a random design of your own.

jaemin found hanging around you quite amusing. you were always up for anything he wanted to do. you seemed so cheerful about the simplest things, and never pushed him to explain the questionable things about himself. you were a lot different than the people he would usually surround himself with. but like many things in na jaemin’s life, they often went sour very quickly.

And I watched as you fled the scene

Doe-eyed as you buried me

One heart broke, four hands bloody

jaemin had asked you to accompany him to the abandoned building one night. you were half asleep and freezing to death as you approached his car. it was quite beat up, making you worried,

“is this thing even safe to be driving?” you groan as you wrap yourself in your large puffer jacket. jaemin had previously insisted you bring a sleeping bag and pillow. you chose not to question it, too tired to argue back with him.

“don’t disrespect my sweet ride! be grateful i didn’t make you walk in the cold” he scoffed before starting the engine. the car ride was fairly quiet, you were drifting in and out of sleep, in which jaemin noticed. he thought you looked so peaceful, so he tried his best not to make any sharp turns or run over many speed bumps. in a matter of time, he parked the car, gently wiggling your shoulder. you woke up instantly, feeling his cold hand on your cheek. you furrowed your eyebrows before following him out of the car. he led you to the same wall you both had graffitied on before, but this time, it seemed to have become a complete picture.

“i wanted to show you this! isn’t it cool?” he gleamed, pulling you to his side, slightly rubbing your shoulder to warm you up. you quickly ignored his touch, focusing back on the wall. it was a mirage of different doodles and words that must have meant something to jaemin.

“this is amazing, you did this all by yourself?”

“yeah, i really wanted to see your reaction”

“what does it all mean?”

“it’s kind of a representation of what goes on in my mind? i’m not the best with expressing my feelings with words, so i decided to let it out on this wall” jaemin spoke with such ease, his voice filling your ears with warmth. he pulled you closer to him when he saw you shiver,

“care to share?” you slightly joked. jaemin never got too deep with you, so you assumed he would brush the comment off. but he just stares back at you, his eyes piercing into your own. you held your breath as he leaned in closer to you.

“sure thing” he slowly leads you back to the car, turning on the heater as you both wrapped yourselves in sleeping bags. you were huddled up in the back seat, your head leaning on his shoulder as he played with his fingers.

“i never had an outlet for my imagination. my parents weren’t the most warm or loving people in the world. i barely remember anything from my childhood, except for the unpleasant memories. when i started hanging out with some of the older kids, they showed me the ropes of their crew. they taught me how to graffiti, how to carve things with a pocket knife, you know, basic seventh grade stuff” he let out a soft chuckle, but you didn’t laugh. instead you placed your hand over his, feeling the coldness shoot through your body.

“i-i don’t like showing how i feel. because i think it makes me weak, or pitiful. that’s a bad way of thinking, but i can’t help it. so i let out my frustrations here, by either spray painting or smashing random things. it’s nice to get it all out” he stops speaking, his posture suddenly stiffening. you lifted your head from his shoulder, forcing him to look over at you.

“i’m here to listen to you. you don’t have to result to destroying things in order to reveal your feelings. you can just talk to me next time, okay?” you assured him, tightening your grip on his hand. jaemin just nodded, his eyes faltering from yours. why were you so considerate towards him?

“wanna know why i punched yuna in the face?” you saw jaemin crack a smile, nodding frantically.

“she said some things about my family, how they only took me in because they felt sorry for me. see, i’m actually a foster kid, my real parents weren’t in the ‘right state of mind’ to take care of me. well, in the eyes of the law atleast” jaemin didn’t know how to respond, opting to pulling your head back into his shoulder.

“i know she was just trying to rile me up, my foster parents aren’t terrible. but hearing those words just struck a nerve. how can people be so judgmental?”

“that’s just life, love. everyone will always have their own opinions, but it’s up to you, on how to respond. or you can simply choose to ignore them, it’s always worked for me” jaemin started tracing small patterns on the back of your hand, feeling his eyes become drowsy.

“but i don’t want to always ignore my problems. i want to be able to face them, how else will i grow as a person?” you sighed,

“we grow each and every day, most of the time we don’t notice. you’re doing better than you think. sure, you’ll grow up soon enough, you’ll develop your own identity, but for now, enjoy the moment. don’t care too much about what others think, this is your life to lead” jaemin looked down at you, feeling a warm sensation reach his heart.

“for someone who doesn’t like speaking his mind, you sure give some great advice. promise we’ll be there for eachother?” you pull out your pinky finger from his grip, watching as he blinks for a few seconds. you sensed some hesitation, but blamed it on him being tired. eventually, jaemin linked his pink with yours, sealing it with a gentle press of his lips. you couldn’t hide how flustered you had gotten, burying your head in his chest as he started stroking your hair.

“thankyou for being with me tonight” he mumbled as he felt himself fall asleep,

“anytime”

sometimes jaemin would leave you hanging for days on end. at first you would get concerned, mainly for his own safety. you were never sure what he got up to in his spare time, and to be honest, you didn’t want to know. but after a certain amount of days, he would pop back into your life that nothing happened, as if no time had passed. today was one of those days. he was sitting on your bedroom floor, flicking through your history notes. you couldn’t pry your eyes away from him, he looked so peaceful.

“you’re so much smarter than me” he huffs, scratching his head as he closed your notebook.

“no way, i’m pretty average. you’re more street smart than i am” jaemin perks up at your words,

“i guess i am huh” he smirks to himself, making you slightly smile.

“i can help you study if you want, you need a pass, right?” you scooted over to him, sitting so that your shoulders brushed against eachother.

“well yes, technically. but passing doesn’t secure i’ll get into college. not that i can even go” he shrugs, eyes focused on his rings, beginning to fiddle with them.

“what do you mean?”

“i don’t have the grades, my parents barely have any money saved for my college fund. i don’t have a job, you see the issue here?” you sensed him stiffen up next to you, this topic clearly striking a nerve within him. you placed a hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing it,

“you know college isn’t for everyone. i’m sure you will be able to live a good life” jaemin knew you were trying your best to cheer him up. but these were constant thoughts and struggles he had been dealing with for what seemed like a lifetime. he knew you would never fully understand, and he couldn’t be mad at you for that.

“y-yeah, i’ll be fine” he sighs, linking is fingers with yours. you worried about jaemin so much, it slowly began to take over your mind. you caught yourself thinking about him more often, how you wanted to be there for him during his dark times. but jaemin always shoved off the idea of getting too deep with his emotions. sure, he trusted you with most things, but there was always a thought in the back of his mind. you were way too good for him.

“what is this?” you smiled brightly at the boy standing across from you. he was leant up against your locker, gift bag in his hands, shoving it towards you.

“a token of my appreciation for our growing friendship” you chose to ignore the last word, your feelings towards jaemin still being undecided.

you slowly open the bag, your eyes landing on a small box. you furrowed your eyebrows, before opening it.

“t-this is beautiful, jaemin. how did you afford this?” you gasped, pulling out the shiny necklace from the delicate box. it was a silver chain, that sparkled under the light at just the right angle. there was a small pendent latched onto it, a butterfly.

“don’t worry about that, do you like it?” he grinned at you, taking in your ecstatic reaction,

“of course! i cant thank you enough!”

you pull him into a warm hug, arms tightening around his torso. jaemin chuckled softly, bringing his arms to wrap around your frame, slowly swaying you side to side.

“being there for me is enough, i promise”

The things I did

Just so I could call you mine

The things you did

Well, I hope I was your favorite crime

the following few days, jaemin went MIA again. you were beginning to become annoyed by his lack of communication. you wanted to believe he was gone for good reason, but something in your gut sensed something worse was happening. that’s when you decided to go to the abandoned building, remembering he often went there when he wanted to be alone. not having a car of your own caused many issues in your life. like right now, you were huffing and puffing once you hopped off your bicycle. you quickly set it aside, making your way to the building. before you turned to the main corridor that you met jaemin in many times before, you heard hushed voices, one belonging to the boy in question.

“we need this deal done asap. no excuses” a deep voice echoes through the building. you couldn’t get a good look at them without being caught, so you remained hidden behind a huge slab of concrete.

“b-but what if they think i’m scamming them because i’m new?” jaemin squeaked. you had never heard him so worried before.

“well you better think of some way to get them to buy, we can’t risk anymore losses. take this as initiation into the big boys club” what the hell was going on?

soon enough, the small group of men had left the building, walking past the concrete slab you were hiding behind. you let out a sigh of relief before rushing to jaemin. his eyes widened at the sight of you, part of him wanting to yell at you for being so stupid.

“what are you doing here?!” he was mad.

“i could ask you the same thing” you scoffed. jaemin suddenly became quiet, eyes avoiding yours.

“what’s going on? and i want the truth. the whole truth” he just sighed, dragging you back to his car. you folded your arms, in disbelief from what you had heard prior.

“i-i’m helping them with some deals okay? it’s just a side hustle to get some cash, i want to get out of this town. this is the only way”

“what are you dealing? drugs?” you gasped, watching as jaemin snapped his neck to face you.

“yes, it’s not as bad as you think-“

“not as bad? they’re literally part of a gang. do you know what happens to people who don’t seal these deals?” you couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“i know the risks. but i’m desperate. i just need enough to buy an apartment in another city and finally start my life” jaemin doesn’t know why he’s bothering trying to explain this to you. he brushed his fingers through his hair roughly, letting out a groan as he did so.

“when i said there are ways for you to live a good life, i didn’t mean deal drugs. i meant get an apprenticeship or something! literally anything but this”

“there’s nothing you can do to change my mind. i already swore i’d do this deal. i need the money. you wouldn’t understand” jaemin struck back, feeling attacked by your words.

“what the hell is that supposed to mean? i-i can’t do this. come back to me when you’ve come to your senses. this is stupid and you know it” you rush out of his car, causing jaemin to trail behind you as you stumbled to find your bike.

“come with me” you stopped in your tracks.

“pardon?”

“come with me to the deal. i-i don’t want to go alone” he says barely above a whisper,

“you’re crazy if you think i’ll follow you like a lost pup-“ jaemin pressed his lips on yours, hands stuck to your waist, gently rubbing your sides as he deepened the kiss. your words became jumbled as he continued to kiss you. as much as you wanted to argue back with him, feeling his lips on yours was only something you had experienced in your dreams.

“please” he whispered, pulling away from you momentarily.

“o-okay” you whispered back, hands now on his shoulders. jaemin smirked with pride before pulling you in once again. he led you back to his car, dragging you into the backseat. he began trailing kisses down your neck, erupting a pleased sigh from you. and just like that, you were wrapped around his silly little finger.

you were now seated in the passenger seat of jaemin’s busted ass car. your nerves were off the charts, and so were his. you had never seen him so anxious before, he was breathing in quick successions and couldn’t stop shaking.

“just get it over and done with...okay? get in and get out” you try your best to ease his nerves but how much could you really say? you were encouraging him to commit to a drug deal, this was not how you expected your friday night to go.

jaemin just nodded, clutching onto something in his jacket pocket. he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, gently stroking your hair as he did so.

“thankyou for coming with me” he mumbled. you just nodded, trying to ignore your intense gut feeling that something was going to go wrong. he led you by your waist into the noisy bar. you kept your head down, allowing jaemin to gain sight of the clients. he didn’t let you approach the group of men, so you tried to distract yourself with a random fruity cocktail from the bar. it wasn’t enough to push aside your worries.

after what seemed like hours, you caught sight of jaemin, who seemed like he was in a rush. he quickly scooped you away from your seat, swiftly leading you out of the bar. before you could even open your mouth, he interjects,

“no time for questions, get in the car now” he harshly shoved you into the passenger seat. now you were more worried than before.

“what the fuck is going on?!” jaemin didn’t answer you, starting the engine of the car. before you could press him any further, the same group of men rushed out of the bar, eyes scanning for the boy next to you. this wasn’t good.

“may or may not have given them the wrong amount...nothing a little hide and seek can’t fix!” jaemin tried to laugh it off, but you knew he was equally as scared. his dingy car wouldn’t start, adding to the panic in the atmosphere. the group of men were already in their own vehicle, approaching jaemin’s car rather quickly.

“fuck fuck fuck” he began shouting, slamming his foot on the accelerator as the car hurled forward. in a matter of time, he was speeding down the street. he probably ran a couple red lights and a few stop signs, but he wasn’t fazed. you on the other hand, were about to throw up. jaemin kept taking sharp turns to throw off the car chasing you, he barely looked back. you were terrified in this moment. anything could go wrong, one wrong turn, and it could all be over. soon enough, he stopped right outside the all too familiar abandoned building. he was out of breath, the adrenaline still present in his system. you were completely frozen, still in shock at what had occurred.

“wasn’t that riveting?” he smirked. he fucking smirked?

“are you kidding me? that was fucking insane. d-don’t do this again. i don’t want any part of this anymore” you began tearing up, feeling your heart pump out of your chest. jaemin’s face dropped as he tried to hold your hand, in which you pulled away immediately.

“t-take me home. please.” he didn’t say anything back to you. he respected your wishes and took you home safely. you didn’t even want to think about the punishment he would receive from the gang for messing up the deal. the only thought of your mind was your own safety. jaemin risked your safety this time around. you would have done anything for him, but in this moment, you were beginning to regret it. na jaemin was trouble. and you needed to stay away from trouble.

staying away from na jaemin was harder than you thought. subtle glances from across the classroom or school courtyard wasn’t doing you any good. so you sought refuge in the library. somehow he managed to find you there too.

“y/n, please, talk to me” you continued to read the novel you weren’t interested in, trying your best to remain angry. he sat across from you, pulling down the book from your face, eyes begging to meet yours.

“there’s nothing left to say” he just sighs, never seeing you be so stubborn.

“i know what i did was wrong, i shouldn’t have put you in that posit-“

“can we please not discuss this here? where anyone can hear us?” you quickly interrupt him, pulling him to the school parking lot. out of habit, jaemin led you to his car, opening the passenger side door for you. you got chills as you sat in the seat once again, the memories flooding back.

“i-i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have brought you into it. i just didn’t want to be alone...you’re the only person who doesn’t make me feel alone.” jaemin could barely look at you, too embarrassed of being vulnerable.

“you know how i’m against what you’re doing. and i know i can’t change your mind. i just can’t keep worrying about your safety. it hurts me knowing that you could get hurt one day” you began sniffling, which made jaemin’s heart ache. he pulled your face to meet his own, staring at your soft features. he slowly guided his fingers to wipe away your tears.

“don’t worry too much about me, love. i’ll be just fine” he pressed a soft kiss to your lips, and just like that, you were dragged right back into his arms.

“be careful” you whispered against his lips,

“always”

You used me as an alibi

I crossed my heart as you crossed the line

And I defended you to all my friends

jaemin wasn’t careful. not in the slightest. he showed up at your window, hands clutching to his lower torso area as he stumbled into your room. you hushed him to be as quiet as he could but you immediately knew something was wrong. he practically fell to his knees, soft whimpers and sighs leaving his mouth. you quickly moved to turn on your lights, taking a better look at the boy in pain. your eyes travelled along his face, covered in scratches and bruises.

“you good with playing medic tonight?” he joked, trying to relieve the tension. but you were not having any of it. you pulled him into your bed, allowing him to lay on his back. he had an array of cuts over his body, including a large gash on his lower lip. you swiftly rushed to the bathroom, grabbing your not so impressive first aid kit, but it would have to do for now. you tried your best to disinfect what you cold, until you reached his torso. you saw there were specks of blood leaking onto his t shirt, which made you more worried than you were initially. jaemin just sighed, lifting up his shirt slowly. your eyes were glued on the painful wound plastered on the right side of his body.

“d-did someone stab you?!” you felt tears prickle the side of your eyes. how could he be so stupid?

“n-no, its just a cut, it’s not even that deep” he tried to play it off, but the moment you pressed the cleansing wipe onto the wound, he winced.

“stop playing the tough guy. i hate when you play tough guy” you groan, trying your best to tend to his wound. jaemin watched as your expression changed from one of concern, to annoyance.

“hey, don’t be mad at me, okay?” he brought his hand to hover over your thigh, gently stroking his fingers on the surface.

“i’m sorry” he whispered, trying his best to sit up, but you immediately pushed him back down. you moved to lay next to him, allowing yourself to finally look him in the eyes.

“i can’t always be here to take care of you like this, jaemin. as much as i want to, there are going to be times where i just can’t. you have to understand that”

“of course, i didn’t expect you to be my personal nurse or anything. i just don’t want you to leave” his words sank deeply into your thoughts.

“i-i won’t leave”

“thankyou. i promise i will take you out and we will have fun. like old times. we can go on a road trip, or even that stupid homecoming dance you keep talking about. i’ll do anything to make it up to you because i ca-“ he immediately stopped himself, clutching his side.

“just get some rest, we can continue this discussion another day. goodnight jaem” you just sighed, turning on your back to face him. jaemin didn’t know why he couldn’t finish his sentence. he does care about you. more than anyone else in the world. but why couldn’t he just say it?

you on the other hand, were too busy imagining your future with jaemin. would he be there as your partner in crime for life? or was he just someone passing by to teach you a lesson? you weren’t too sure you wanted to find out.

“y/n, principal lee wants to see you in his office” your economics teacher informed you during class, eyes of classmates following you as you left the room. you swore you hadn’t done anything remotely mischievous lately, besides snatching a cheat sheet for the upcoming final.

“ah yes y/n, please take a seat” principal lee invited you into his office. you tried your best to stay focused on the stubby man in front of you but you couldn’t ignore the two police officers standing to the side.

“you wanted to see me, sir?”

“yes, these officers are here to ask you some questions. don’t worry, you aren’t in trouble. they just need some information for their investigation” he explains as best he could, shifting the conversation over to the two officers.

“as principal lee mentioned, we just need information. are you comfortable with us asking you a few questions?” you slowly nodded, hands beginning to clam up.

“we have reason to believe your friend, na jaemin, has been involved in an incident that occurred last thursday. he claims he was present with you that night. can you confirm this?” you immediately froze. you swore you didn’t even blink. that was the night he came to your window, all banged up a bruised. but you couldn’t tell them that part. so you went with a variation of the truth,

“yes, he was with me, we often study together and watch movies on thursdays.” you tried your best to maintain eye contact, not wanting to draw any more attention.

“have you noticed anything odd in his behaviour lately?” you knew they were just following protocol, but you weren’t prepared for any of this.

“not really. he is quite reserved naturally, but there hasn’t been anything too alarming, in my opinion” the officers just nodded, scribbling down your words.

“thankyou for your time, if we were to need any more statements from you, would you be okay with that?” you simply nodded, wanting nothing more than to get back to class.

“great, we’ll be heading off now, thankyou principal lee, and y/n” you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in. what in god’s name happened that night?

“why were the cops coming out of the office? did you do something?” your friend, jimin asked you as she rushed to your side.

“n-no, they were asking about jaemin” you sighed. you didn’t want to tell her much, knowing she wasn’t his biggest fan.

“y/n, you have to stop hanging out with him so much. he’s bad news. i mean, he’s got the cops questioning you? is that someone you really want to be with?” you knew she had your best interest at heart, but she didn’t know jaemin like you did. no one did.

“don’t talk about him like he’s some pest in my life. he makes me happy, okay? i’d do pretty much anything for him” you huff, beginning to walk away.

“but would he do anything for you?” her words made you stop in your tracks. she was right to question that. god, even you questioned it sometimes. would he?

And now every time a siren sounds

I wondеr if you're around

'Cause you know that I'd do it all again

jaemin insisted he take you to the homecoming dance — he even pinky promised you.

“jaemin! i’m so excited for tonight, what time are you coming by?” you excitedly squeal into the phone, making jaemin slightly chuckle.

“uh love, i-i don’t think i can make it tonight” you felt your heart drop.

“what? why?”

“i have some business to take care of. i promise you i’ll take you out soo-“

“i think you should stop making promises you can’t keep. hope you have fun doing whatever you’re doing” you immediately hung up, wiping the stray tears from your face. you quickly pulled yourself together. showing up alone to the homecoming dance after you told your friends you were going with jaemin, was probably one of the most embarrassing things you had ever experienced. they all felt pity for you, dragging you to dance, trying to get you to forget about jaemin. but nothing was working. you were beyond disappointed, partially in yourself, for believing he could actually keep his promise.

the moment you got home, you saw someone sitting on the steps just outside your front door. you let out a loud sigh, hoping he heard everything. you wanted to push right past him and go to bed, but jaemin trapped you in his arms. you felt something was off about him. he was stiff as a board, he didn’t say anything to you. you finally got a glimpse of his face, his right eye was swollen and there was a slight gash on his cheek. you immediately gasped, all your anger towards him had fizzled away.

“w-what happened?” you barely whispered, bringing your hand to the side of his face. jaemin winced as he felt the touch, quickly pulling away.

“finally got what was coming” he tried to laugh it off, but he knew you weren’t going to laugh back. instead, you allowed him to follow you to your room, hoping your parents were fast sleep.

jaemin slowly made his way to sit on your bed. you felt like he had something else he was hiding from you, but your main focus was yet again, tending to his wounds.

“i’m getting some real déjà vu right now” you sighed, cleaning his face. jaemin tried his best to not move, but everything stung. he really got it bad this time.

“i’m sorry for breaking my promise. i know how much the dance meant to you” he softly muttered, eyes avoiding yours.

“i-it’s okay”

“no it’s not! you do so much for me, and i couldn’t even do this one thing for you. i feel so shitty. why do you even keep me around? i’m deadweight and that’s trouble for someone with wings” he scoffs, replaying harsh words he had heard from others in the past. you slowly plucked away the medical kit, turning to face him properly. (a/n: not me using a quote from the show ‘panic’)

“you’re not deadweight...you’re a good person, jaem. you’re good to me, that’s what matters” you gently push away the stray strands of hair that covered his forehead. he smiled at your touch, leaning into your palm as you brought it to cup his cheek.

“i love you”

you almost choked on your own saliva...he loves you?

“w-what?”

“yikes, not the response i was hoping for” he yet again, tried to relieve the tension with a joke. but you weren’t having any of it.

“can you be serious for one minute in your life? you can’t just say something like that and not expect me to freak out! i mean, do i love you too? of course i do! i would be stupid not to, but jaemin, you cant just spit that out of nowhere!” you began pacing around your room, which made jaemin smile even wider.

“well i just did. and i mean it” he stood to meet you, standing in the middle of your room as he held your shoulders in place.

“s-so what happens now?” jaemin hesitated for a moment, did he just ruin everything?

“we can’t be together”

“pardon?”

“i-i can’t do that to you. i can’t let you be with someone like me. i’m constant danger. the cops are going to get me one day, and i don’t want you to see it happen” he started rambling, you were barely understanding anything.

“this makes no sense. you’re telling me that you love me but you can’t be with me? why would you do this to me?” you started sobbing,

“i-i don’t expect you to understand. i just needed to tell you before...” he paused, pulling you closer to him. but you pushed yourself away. you didn’t want to hear anymore but forced yourself to listen. you needed answers.

“before what?” you gritted through your teeth,

“before i leave” your eyes widened, tears stopped flowing for a moment. you couldn’t make out any words, allowing jaemin to explain,

“i cant stay here, not in this town. i need to go somewhere else. somewhere they won’t find me. somewhere i can start over” he sighed, sitting back down on your bed.

“take me with you! we can go tonight, i don’t care where i am, as long as you’re with me i’ll be okay!” you begged, pulling out your duffel bag from under your bed. but jaemin quickly gripped your wrists, pulling you to sit with him on the bed.

“y-you can’t come with me. it’s not fair on you, or me. i want you to have a better life, a life with no regrets. you have so many goals, i can’t hold you back from them. i won’t” he insisted, holding your hands in his as he pleaded you with his eyes. you weren’t thinking straight, everything became so overwhelming.

“why are you doing this to me? i cant do this without you! i cant get through all of this without you. please don’t leave” your hands began to shake. jaemin brought them to his lips, placing soft pecks on each knuckle in an attempt to calm you down.

“you can. i know you can. because you’re you. an incredibly loyal, intelligent and courageous person. you don’t need me. if anything, i need you more” he smirked at the last part. you kept shaking your head, not believing anything he was saying.

“just promise me one thing?” he whispered, leaning in closer to you so that your foreheads touched.

“don’t forget me. don’t forget all the things we got up to. i had so much fun with you, more fun than i’ve had in my entire life. i can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. i love you, okay? i’ll always love you” finally, he kissed you. his hands dragged to your waist, rubbing over the soft skin. you shined into the kiss, partially still upset with his departure.

“can we just have one last night together?” you pulled away, wiping away the rest of your tears. jaemin softly nodded, pulling you down onto the bed, wrapping his arms around you.

“thankyou for being my partner in crime. i’ll miss you” he sighed, gently scribbling random doodles on your arm with his fingers.

“i miss you already. maybe one day, we’ll meet again? i don’t know, am i being silly?” you didn’t want him to answer, afraid he’d break another promise.

“you’re not silly at all. we’ll see what life has planned for us” he responded. that was enough for you. you’ll leave it up to fate. you were just happy you were spending one last night with the boy you loved so dearly.

It's bittersweet to think about the damage that we'd do

'Cause I was goin' down, but I was doin' it with you

Yeah, everything we broke and all the trouble that we made

But I say that I hate you with a smile on my face

Oh, look what we became

you awoke the very next morning in an empty bed. your heart sunk, knowing jaemin was gone had finally hit you. your eyes drifted to where he once was, landing on a piece of paper.

‘go to the building for one last goodbye. i hope you like it.

- jaem <3 ‘

you quickly got changed and rushed there as fast as you could. would he be there to bid you farewell? you weren’t betting on it, but was still curious as to what he had to show you. you made your way into the building, your eyes cascading over all the graffiti. finally, you saw exactly what he left for you. he painted over the mural you both worked on. it had been replaced with a painting of a butterfly. its wings were all different colours, you could tell he spent ages on it. you finally reached the bottom of the artwork, a small inscription was engraved,

‘for the one with the wings, keep on soaring’

“so cheesy, i hate it” you joke to yourself, smiling at his words. this was his final gift for you. as you admired the painting once again, memories of all your little adventures came rushing back. everything you did together seemed like an eternity ago. although you wished you had confessed to him sooner, or kissed him harder, you knew that he was gone for good. jaemin wasn’t the time to keep many promises, so you’ve learnt. you started to put your faith in the universe. if you were meant to be, then you would meet again. but for now, you were content with everything you had gone through together. you were grateful to have known someone as amazing as jaemin, and you would never take that for granted. you only hoped he would do the same, no matter where you both were in life. you hoped you could both grow wings and soar through life without any regrets.

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engie-ivy · 4 years ago

Text

Another story for my candy heart fix from @goodboylupin and the Candy Hearts Challenge! Humour, lots of shameless flirting and a fed up Regulus.

Candy heart message: CRUSHIN'

Regulus has agreed to tutor a classmate in statistics, but quickly comes to regret his life choices when the only chance the guy seems interested in, is the chance of getting to snog Regulus’ older brother.

“You want to snog my brother!” Regulus points his pen accusingly in Remus’ direction.

Remus huffs and straightens his back. “In my defence, your brother is very snogable!”

Part one: Crushin'

Part two: Fallin'

What chance do I have? Part one: Crushin'

REGULUS BLACK: You can come over. My parents aren’t home.

REMUS LUPIN: ??

REGULUS BLACK: Oh my god. That sounded wrong.

REGULUS BLACK: I meant for the tutoring session.

REGULUS BLACK: I know my parents’ reputation. I thought you’d feel more comfortable coming here knowing they aren’t home.

REGULUS BLACK: I am NOT trying to hook up with you.

REMUS LUPIN: Oh thank god.

REMUS LUPIN: Not that you’re not an attractive guy.

REMUS LUPIN: I just don’t see you like that.

REMUS LUPIN: And I mean, you’re probably a bit young for me.

REGULUS BLACK: Lupin.

REGULUS BLACK: Please shut up.

Remus drops his phone on his bed with a shudder.

He’s not a bad student. He knows all about history and writes killer political essays. He’s just terrible with numbers, but he needs to pass his statistics course.

Regulus is a quiet guy, but he’s nice enough. Rumour has it that his parents are these excessively pushy and high-demanding lot, who bully their children to do nothing but study and threaten the school into letting them skip grades. Apparently, they want their eldest son to become the youngest doctor in town, and their youngest son the youngest lawyer, just so they can brag about their advanced children to their posh friends. They’re lucky both their sons are actually very intelligent. Regulus is in Remus’ class, despite being much younger, and they say his older brother, who should be somewhere around Remus’ age, is already in college.

In any case, Regulus won’t pass up the opportunity to earn some extra credit by tutoring Remus in statistics over the summer.

The house of the Black family is exactly like Remus would’ve pictured it. Very old-fashioned, with weird, old objects everywhere, but while some houses packed with old stuff seem warm and cosy, the Blacks’ house just seems cold and dark.

Remus is sitting at the kitchen table watching Regulus flip through textbooks, talking about how they’ll start with refreshing his knowledge on basic chance calculation before moving on to z-scores and significance tests.

Remus is already bored.

Suddenly, a tall, muscular, slightly sweaty guy barges into the kitchen. He’s wearing running shoes, shorts and a t-shirt that clings to his form and shows off his broad shoulders. As good as the shirt looks on him, Remus isn’t complaining when he takes it off, revealing his well-trained torso.

“Jesus, it’s warm outside,” the guy says, dropping the shirt on the floor while pulling the hair tie out of his hair and letting it fall in dark waves across his shoulders. He grabs a water bottle out of the fridge, and throws his head back to drink, spilling some water that drips down over his chest.

As Remus not very subtly ogles the guy, he wonders whether statistics was so boring that he zoned out and is now in some sort of hormonal teenage fantasy. Well, he hopes that if that were the case, he would’ve at least not fantasized Regulus sitting there, glaring from the guy, to Remus, and back to the guy.

“Sirius!” Regulus eventually snaps. “We have a guest.” He gestures at Remus.

The guy, Sirius, who must be the older brother, turns his head and only now spots Remus sitting there. He smiles sheepishly at him. “Oh. Hi.”

“Hello,” Remus says, and they just look and smile at each other for a while.

Then, Remus leans his head on his hands, giving the guy a sweet smile. “So, do you come here often?”

Sirius blinks at him. “Eh, yeah. Yeah, I do. I kind of live here.” He quickly recovers himself. “What about you? You’re a classmate of Reggie? You must be new. I don’t recall seeing you when I went to school there, and I definitely would’ve remembered a face like yours.”

Remus grins. “Yes, my parents moved around a lot, so I went to a lot of different schools.”

Sirius raises his water bottle. “Well, here’s to hoping you’ll stick around this time.” He takes a swig and then grins. “And hoping you’re so bad at... statistics, was it? That you’ll be coming around here more often.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Remus says, looking up at Sirius through his lashes. “I’m bad. I’m very, very bad.”

A slight flush appears in Sirius’ neck, but the grin stays in place. “Good. Then I guess I’ll be seeing you. I’ll try to keep my shirt on next time.”

“Don’t trouble yourself on my account!” Remus calls after Sirius as he leaves the kitchen.

As he stares through the window at other side of the house into the backyard, where Sirius has gone to stretch, Remus can feel Regulus’ eyes burning on him.

“What?”

“You want to snog my brother!” Regulus points his pen accusingly in Remus’ direction.

Remus huffs and straightens his back. “In my defence, your brother is very snogable!”

Regulus shakes his head. “What is it that people see in him?”

Remus points towards the backyard, where Sirius is just bending over to stretch the back of his legs. He doesn’t think he needs any more explanation.

Regulus groans.

The second tutoring session, Sirius walks into the kitchen in low-hanging sweatpants, clearly just out of the shower, with damp hair and a towel around his neck, again shirtless.

He smiles as he sees Remus. “How is it every time I see you I’m not wearing a shirt?”

“I guess I’m just lucky?” Remus suggests.

“I know chance calculation isn’t your strong suit,” Regulus says without looking up from his book. “But considering the fact that Sirius walks around shirtless ninety percent of the time, you don’t need much luck. In fact, it would’ve been more impressive if you saw Sirius with his shirt on.”

Remus lets his eyes wander over Sirius’ muscular chest and abs. “I highly doubt it.”

Regulus’ eyes snap up as Sirius sits down on the kitchen counter. “No. You. Out. Now.”

Sirius raises an eyebrow. “You’re kicking me out of my own kitchen in my own house? I’m not disturbing you.”

“Lupin has enough trouble learning anything as it is, without you sitting there making eyes at him, turning his brain to mush.”

Sirius glances at Remus, who just shrugs. Regulus isn’t wrong.

The third tutoring session is, to Remus’ disappointment, at his house. He’d wanted to protest, but Mr and Mrs Black are apparently back from their business trip, and shamelessly flirting with Regulus’ hot, older brother in front of their strict, high-society parents seemed a little awkward anyway.

When Remus opens the door, a disgruntled looking Regulus immediately pushes past him and strides into the house, leaving Remus looking at a brightly smiling Sirius.

“Hi! Regulus wanted to ride his bike here, but you know, it’s probably going to rain, so I thought it better to give him a ride in my car instead.”

Remus looks up at the clear blue sky with the sun shining brightly, not a cloud to be seen anywhere.

“I see,” Remus says. “And I suppose you have to give him a ride home as well?”

“Yes, definitely.”

“And it’ll be a lot of trouble if you have to drive all the way up and down again.”

“So much trouble indeed.”

“The best thing is probably for you to just stay here.”

“That sure seems like the best solution to me.”

For the fourth tutoring session, Remus has lost track of time sitting at the kitchen table at the Black family home, drinking tea and chatting with Sirius. Remus is telling him about all the different places he has lived, and Sirius is telling him what it’s like to be in college at his age.

REGULUS BLACK: What’s keeping you?

REMUS LUPIN: ?

REMUS LUPIN: I’ve been at your house for like more than an hour, waiting for you to come down from your room?

“You said you’d let me know when Lupin got here!” Regulus points a finger at Sirius.

Sirius blinks innocently at him. “It slipped my mind. I have such a bad memory.”

Regulus rolls his eyes. “You know the Latin name for each part of the human body by heart!”

“Did you know Remus wants to study history?” Sirius says, not very subtly changing the subject. “Won’t he just make the cutest professor?”

“Not so much as you’ll make the hottest doctor!” Remus replies.

“Yes,” Regulus says, while placing his books on the table. “I’m sure the scientific community and the world of medicine will be greatly benefitted from your good looks.”

Remus sighs.

Sirius has just gone upstairs after Regulus threw a book at his head when he interrupted his explanation for the fifth time, distracting a very willingly-distracted Remus with cute dog videos.

Remus sighs again.

Undeterred, Regulus keeps on talking about some jar of marbles out of which Remus for some reason only wants to take the red ones.

Remus sighs again.

“Is there any chance you’re going to stop doing that if I keep ignoring you?”

Remus shakes his head, and Regulus drops his pen and looks up at him. “Okay, what is it?”

“I don’t think I want to snog your brother anymore,” Remus says.

He had expected Regulus to be relieved, but instead something fiercely protective flashes over his face. “I swear to god, Lupin, if you were just leading him on all this time...”

“What? No!” Remus quickly says. “I just mean that I don’t want to just snog your brother anymore. I think I actually like him! Like, like like him! I think I have a crush on your brother! You know, the massive, won’t-go-away-on-his-own kind.”

Regulus just stares at him.

“I mean, at first I just thought he was incredibly hot, funny and charming,” Remus continues. “But now I found out he’s also clever, sweet and caring!” Remus’ tone makes it sound like it’s the worst betrayal he’s ever experienced.

“And this is a problem how?” Regulus asks.

“He’s in college!” Remus exclaims. “He’s probably just looking for a fun summer flirt to pass his time before school starts again, and now he has ruined me for other men forever!”

Regulus pinches the bridge of his nose. “Lupin, I know you’re terrible at chance calculation, so I’m going to put this in words even you can understand. The chance of my brother being into you is one hundred percent.”

“Really?” Remus’ face brightens.

Now it’s Regulus’ turn to sigh. “I never thought I’d ever be saying this, but I’ve had enough. Lupin, will you please go upstairs and snog my brother?”

Remus knocks once and then steps into Sirius’ bedroom. He’s immediately backed up0 against the door by Sirius’ body pressing against him. Sirius’ arms wrap around his waist and Remus’ arms almost automatically wrap around his neck, so he’ll soon be able to finally run his fingers through that perfect hair.

Their faces are so close together Remus can feel Sirius’ breath as he speaks. “Took you long enough.”

Part two

#rscandyhearts #CRUSHIN'#my tumblr writing #wolfstar #wolfstar fanfiction #wolfstar fic #marauders #marauders fanfiction #marauders fic #sirius black #remus lupin #remus x sirius #regulus black #regulus ready to scream #flirtatious remus lupin #confident remus lupin

412 notes · View notes

fantastic-bby · 4 years ago

Text

SKZ vs. their crush

Pairing: Gender neutral Reader x Member

Word count: 3.9k

Genre: Fluff

Summary: It’s just them crushing on you

Warnings: -

Masterlist

A/n: I tried a different format this time and used bullet points rather than just making it like a full story since my brain was going crazy when I wrote this. Let me know which format you prefer and maybe I might incorporate both bullet points and the essay ones since I actually quite enjoy writing using both.

Chan

You guys only met because you knew Jeongin

The tiny babie brought you to meet his friends

Chan was smitten when he first met you

He thought you were so pretty when he saw you following behind Jeongin

“Innie,”

“Yeah?”

“Who is that?”

He wants Jeongin to introduce you two

Sensing the vibes, the maknae is more than happy to introduce you two

if he was being honest, he already knew Chan would pretty much fall in love with you immediately

Chan’s flustered when he introduces himself to you

He’s almost blubbering all over the place

You find it kinda cute but he’s scared you found him really weird

He tries to steal little moments to be with you

Like ‘accidentally’ bumping into you in the hallway

Or how he just so happens to walk into Jeongin’s room when you’re on a call with him

Or how he just so happens to be lingering around the flea market nearby your college campus

Chan takes care of you without even realising it

If you bump into each other he asks whether you’ve eaten or how your day is

He loves the way you seem to parent his friends like he does

“Jisung, put the knife down. You’re going to hurt somebody”

“Hehe, make me”

“PUT IT DOWN 〴⋋_⋌〵”

Chan’s surprised he listens to you

He loves how everyone only seems to listen if you’re the one talking too

If you’re hanging out with them at the dorms and Chan can’t seem to control everyone, you just step in

“Guys, please”

And suddenly the chaos has calmed down

Chan finds it amazing

Everyone just… stops when you ask them to

You find it amusing

It’s like watching a single dad trying to control his seven wild sons

He chases after Felix around the dorm a lot because he’s usually done something weird with Minho and Jisung

He manages to get your number using an excuse of needing you to calm down the boys

“Please… they don’t listen sometimes”

Jeongin finds reasons to push you two together

“Yay! You guys made—oH nO I ComPleTeLy foRgoT!!”

Leaves the two of you alone

He honestly just thinks you two should get together and so does the rest of the group

So they find excuses to get you two alone together

But your relationship takes f o r e v e r

Only because Chan wants to be absolutely certain that he likes you

He doesn’t want to commit to someone he’s worried he’s not sure of yet

Slowly but surely, he starts to ease into the relationship

He sends you music he thinks you’ll like

Eventually he’ll start sending you his own music

He only confesses when he’s absolutely sure he’s pretty much falling in love with you

The way he does it just wins your heart immediately if you weren’t already as whipped for him as he was

He writes a song for you (´༎ຶ ͜ʖ ༎ຶ `)♡

Minho

Bumped into you at a dance studio he goes to often

He thinks your dancing is amazing

At first he doesn’t want to bother you

But then he’s all like “heyyyy I’m Minho”

And you’re pretty much taken away by how gorgeous the man is

Minho wouldn’t be too flustered

He would keep his cool around you

Doesn’t mean he wouldn’t try to impress you with his sexy dance moves

Tries to win your heart the romantic way which doesn’t work because half the time you’re too busy dancing to actually realise he’s trying to flirt with you

“Hey, baby ;)”

“Huh?”

“Nothing”

Wonders whether he should just make a dedicated advance towards you

He likes your humour

It’s similar to his

You both just laugh at really weird stuff together

When you share your numbers, he sends you weird videos that he thinks you’ll like

Minho’s not much of a texter, but when you do get a message from him, it’s either something he’s really excited about or something really weird

Only realises he’s actually crushing on you when Changbin points it out

“Why are you so nice to them”

“Who?”

“(Y/n)”

Then Minho realises that he really likes you

Starts slowly working harder to win your heart

Helps you with your dancing

“Your body looks a bit stiff”

Buys you lunch

“I got you the lunch box from 7 11”

It’s always something you end up liking if you hadn’t tried it before

Buys you drinks from the vending machine

“What is this???”

It looks like a double shot coffee

“Energy?”

Minho doesn’t know either but you both drink it anyway

And end up being at the studio until 3 a.m. because you’re both so hyped with caffeine

Offers to walk you home if it’s getting late

“It’s not safe on your own”

“Minho, I’ll be fineeeee”

Doesn’t take no for an answer and forces you to let him

His advances work

You’re pretty much whipped for him by the time he confesses

Which Minho does by buying you flowers and bringing it to the studio

Changbin

You work at the music shop that he goes to often

When he’s browsing the CD’s and the vinyls, he spots you at the counter

His heart almost explodes when he sees you

The first thing that caught his eye was the way you were dressed

Fits Changbin’s style

He’s nervous to approach you with the vinyl in his hand

Why was he so nervous?

Oh right, he was pretty much completely smitten by you

“Hi!”

He loves your voice even more

“H-Hey,”

Changbin’s so nervous

He likes your bracelets too

He thinks they’re really cool

He ends up coming back a lot and you wonder why this man needs so many CD’s and vinyls

Eventually, he builds up the courage to talk to you

Changbin comes by every once in a while just to say hi

Sometimes he just comes in to talk to you during your break

You tell him you’ve always wanted to try making music

He tells you he makes music

You’re all :0

Changbin tells you about it

And you get really interested in his music

He starts coming after your shift or during your break to play you his songs

He gets all uwu when he sees the way your eyes shine

You have him wrapped around your finger without even knowing it

Doesn’t admit that he’s pretty much whipped

Even though he visits you almost every other day

And how he buys you your favourite snacks

Or how he stays way longer than he expected to just bcs he’s talking to you

You’re just as whipped tbh

You love talking to Changbin

You like his music taste and he’s fun to be around

Confesses to you by taking you out on a date

He brings you to his studio

Shows you how he makes music

He finds it adorable how you’re so amazed by his equipment

So he teaches you whatever he can in the time you’re together

You both spend the evening just messing around

You make a short track that you’re sure sounds really off

Changbin reassures you that it’s nice

He teaches you how to layer the different tracks

And eventually teaches you how to edit them despite the few hours you have

You’re so excited

He smiles every time he looks at you

Bcs you’re so adorable he feels like he might burst

Confesses at the end of the night

“I like you a lot”

He blurts it out and it catches you slightly off guard

But you like him back so it’s fine

Ends up offering to take you to the studio anytime you’re both free

Hyunjin

Met you through Felix

Felix invited you to play a game with him and his friends

Hyunjin hears your voice the first time and he’s already curious

He thinks you’re really chill and he likes your vibe

You end up playing more games with them

He ends up wanting to get to know you more

The thing that honestly gets to him the most is the way you take every loss so lightheartedly

“There’s always another game”

You don’t rage or stress out over it

Over time, he starts spending one-on-one time with you

Until you’re both just doing literally anything else but gaming together

He denies them as dates whenever his friends ask, claiming that it’s just friend time

Until one night you’re both awake at four a.m. and talking about everything and anything

He likes the way you think

“Hyunjin, did you know that sometimes in movies, they use trash cans to replicate tiger roars”

“What???”

He likes how you’re joking talking about starting a revolution

He knows you won’t

“So, yeah, fuck capitalism!”

“Yeah!”

He loves the fact that you’re so open about what you think even if it’s something small or weird

“Mercy’s ass is so thick… for what reason…”

“She’s a video game character??”

“Felix, her ass is so thick, she could kill someone with it”

Hyunjin loves hearing you rant about your day

“And?? It’s so stupid!!”

“Calm down, (Y/n)”

“Don’t tell me to calm down, you egg!”

Hyunjin thinks you’re adorable when you’re all riled up

He finds it amusing because he likes hearing you talk

“You live there too?”

He didn’t expect to be so close to you

“Yeah, that’s how I met Felix”

He never realised you and Felix knew each other in real life

You spend more time together

Talking about whatever comes to mind until the dead of night

Sometimes you watch movies together

You stay away from horror movies because he doesn’t like it that much

But you’re always talking about something with him

The two of you are always the last to leave the call because you end up talking after games

Hyunjin asks you out without even realising it sounds like a date

“Is that a date??”

“Sure”

He didn’t even realise he asked you out until after he’s left the call

?!?!?!?!

Goes into panic mode

He just asked you out!!!!

Starts asking Felix about you

He laughs at Hyunjin but helps him anyway

Shows him what you look like on your Instagram

Hyunjin thinks you’re so pretty on your posts

When he sees you in person for the first time

He’s so taken away

You’re gorgeous

Whatever feeling he didn’t realise he had for you comes rushing in

Hyunjin loves your laugh

You spend the whole day together just walking around town

It’s nice to hear his voice when it isn’t coming out of your headphones

By the time the date’s over, Hyunjin wants more of you

So he tells you he wants to take you out again while he’s walking you home

You accept

He turns to you with a c: before asking if he can kiss you

Jisung

You’re a barista at the cafe nearby the JYPe building

Jisung was designated as the drink buyer that time by the rest of his group

If he was having trouble remembering all their orders before

He has even bigger trouble now when he sees you

YOU LOOK SO CUTE IN YOUR APRON

He freezes the moment he sees you at the cashier

“Hi! What would you like?”

Jisung’s eyes go ◑.◑

“Uhm… sir?”

“Sorry!”

He struggles to get his order out properly

But you’re patient with him and even though he barely knows you

He likes that you are

Jisung’s watching you the entire time you make his order

He can’t take his eyes off of you

You do notice it, but you find him adorable so you don’t say anything

He seems to be easily flustered

When you hand him his order, he’s still a blubbering mess

“T-Thank you…”

Your name tag says (Y/n)

So he thanks you using your name which you smile

“Have a great day!”

Jisung comes back the next day

He doesn’t even need any drinks, he just wants to see you again

When he does, he feels all fluttery on the inside

“Welcome back”

He orders a dark chocolate smoothie and an iced mocha for Minho

Minho would kill him if he found out Jisung went to the cafe without him

Jisung sits at an empty table and watches you again

The next day, the cycle repeats

And the day after that

Minho follows him at some point, wondering why Jisung seems to obsessed with the place

“Why do you like this place so much?”

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT”

Something’s definitely up with him

Minho only finds out when he sees the way Jisung’s face seems to light up when he sees you

“You like the barista, don’t you”

“WHAT BARISTA ಠoಠ”

That’s all he needs to confirm it

Minho lets Jisung order, seeing just how excited and giddy he is when he’s talking to you

Jisung’s practically bouncing up and down while you talk to him

When they leave, Minho’s all up in it

“You really like them, huh”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about >:c”

Knowing Jisung, he wouldn’t do anything about it

So Minho takes it into his own hands to bring you two together

The group is having a mini event and they need someone to serve drinks

Who else to ask other than you?

Jisung’s eyes almost bulge out of his skull when he sees you because

What are you doing here????

He’s so nervous

Minho practically shoves him your way

Again, you find him so cute that you don’t even realise he’s practically dying to know you more

“Hi Jisung!”

You learned his name over the course of him constantly coming back and Jisung just loves hearing it from you

“Hi (Y/n)”

“I can’t make anything ice blended, but I can trade if for an iced dark chocolate”

“Okay!”

As long as you make it, he’ll take it

The event comes to an end but Jisung’s pretty much spent more time with you rather than his group mates

Even they’re amused by how into you he obviously is

“Hey Jisung”

You stop him before you leave and he’s immediately at your side

“Since you keep coming over, here’s my number”

◑.◑

“Give me a call before you come in so that I can have your drink ready for you to pick up”

He’s so happy :D

He sends you pictures of cute animals and random snippets of his music

Felix

Met you through League of Legends

You have good synergy so you became friends through that

At first, he only managed to play with you occasionally

When he’s able to, he notices how you always sound so bright

“Hi Felix!”

He likes playing with you

You’re laid-back

You don’t stress over losses too much

“Ah, what to do?”

But when you’re irritated, Felix finds it funny

“Fucking asshole!”

“You were in the way, (Y/n)”

“Shut the fuck up!”

You’re so funny to him

“Felix, don’t go into bush”

“I can bait them”

“DON’T”

His character dies

“Oops ( ͡° ͜V ͡°)”

“-`д´-”

You’re easy to game with and that’s what he admires the most right off the bat

You always seem to be up for games

Even when he’s not able to play, whenever he logs into Discord he sees you’re online

Wonders whether you sleep at all

“I don’t need sleep. I am gamerrrr. Gamers don’t sleep”

“Please sleep”

“Lix, sleep is for the weak and I’m not weak”

“You passed out last night in call”

Honestly slightly concerned for you

Overtime he realises that he really looks forward to games with you

Before Felix would just go to sleep after practice or shows

But he’ll start waiting to see if you’re up for even one game

Which you always are

Slowly starts spending time with you just talking

Eventually it leads to the both of you staying up until 5 a.m. laughing at really stupid memes

During the day when Felix can’t join call

He sends you funny tiktoks and memes

You appreciate it because you like him

But you don’t admit it because you’ve never met him in person before

Until you both find out that you live only a few hours away from him

Invites you down to Seoul to spend time with him

You’re nervous

Felix is nervous

He knows what you look like

You exchanged Snapchats and started streaking a while before

He sends you funny pictures of his members

You send him selfies with random filters

But nothing could prepare him for when you appear from around the corner

He sees you appear and he’s all (゜ロ゜)

Your photos don’t do your natural beauty any justice

Is a bit of a mess when you’re walking around together

Eventually loosens up around you

Compliments you a lot and it makes you blush

You spend the day just wandering around the place

Felix takes you to his favourite places and favourite cafes

He wants to share his favourite things with you

You find it endearing

Tries to make you laugh a lot because he’s just grown to really like the sound of your voice

Since you’ve spent most of your time talking over call

Felix just loves hearing your voice

When the day’s over

He asks for more nights that aren’t just filled with games because owo he wants to do more with you

Seungmin

Bumped into you at JYPe because you were visiting a friend

Hears you singing with Yeji and he immediately falls in love with your voice

He peeks into the dance studio to see the two of you just sitting on the floor together

There’s no music

It’s just the two of you singing together

Your voice makes him :D

Seungmin leaves the two of you bcs he doesn’t want to intrude

But he ends up seeing you more often

Turns out you’re in Seoul for a while so you’re spending quite some time with Yeji

He sees you in the hallways a lot

When you walk past each other, it’s always just a polite bow

You don’t really think much of Seungmin other than the fact that you think he’s pretty handsome

Yeji teases you for that

When you’re walking through the building to look for her

You hear someone singing in one of the rooms

You peek through the glass

It’s Seungmin!

ಠoಠ

And he’s so good

You listen from outside the door

You knew he was good since he was an idol

But you didn’t think that he was that good

You don’t even realise he’s done when the door swings open and you’re standing there

When Seungmin sees you, he realises you were most likely listening

Now you’re just staring at each other like

(ﾟωﾟ;)

Because now he knows you were listening

And now you know he knows

“Uhm…”

You’re embarrassed

You’re lucky Yeji pops from around the corner and your eyes plead for her to drag you away

Which she doesn’t

“Sunbaenim!”

“Hi Yeji”

“Have you met (Y/n) before?”

You actually want to tear her apart

“Not properly, no”

“Well... “

“WELL WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE TIME”

You drag her away before she can say anything else

The next time you see Seungmin

You pass by him in the hallway once again while you’re looking for Yeji

“(Y/n)”

ಠ_ಠ

“We keep passing each other but we’ve yet to actually meet each other properly”

“Haha…”

“I know you were listening the other day”

“Haaahhhhhhaaaa…”

“I don’t mind that you did.”

“Huh”

You’re actually bit surprised that he doesn’t mind

“I overheard you and Yeji singing the other day in the dance room”

༼ : ౦ ‸ ౦ : ༽

“You sing really beautifully, (Y/n)”

There’s an awkward wall that takes a while before you two actually break it down

But when you do

It’s almost like you visit the building to see Seungmin rather than Yeji

She doesn’t mind since she saw it coming

Doesn’t mean she can’t tease you about it

Seungmin looks forward to having lunch with you in the cafeteria

At this point, the staff don’t even question your now daily appearance

You end up falling for Seungmin way faster than you thought possible

The feeling’s mutual

He just likes everything about you

You’re so sweet

You’re also really caring

He notices that when you follow him to the practice room where Stray Kids are

Changbin trips over Hyunjin’s legs

You’re rushing over to help without any of them really realising it

He loves how nice your voice is too

“Can you sing for me?”

You’re shook

You wonder why he wants to hear your voice specifically

“Your voice is just really nice

He realises he really likes you when you briefly disturb their practice to give Seungmin lunch

He briefly mentioned that he forgot his wallet and his lunch

Since you aren’t an idol or staff

You had to use your own money in the cafeteria

Seungmin’s heart flips at the realisation

Ends up asking you out so that you don’t have to spend so much time inside the JYPe building all the time

Jeongin

Meets you through Changbin

You went to the same high school as him and you kinda just stuck around

Changbin brings you to the dorm bcs he borrowed a hoodie

The entire dorm greets you really brightly

Jeongin’s the only one just watching in awe

He’s so shy when you wave at him

Seungmin notices and raises a brow

“I-I’m Jeongin”

“Hi Jeongin! Changbin talks about you guys a lot”

He’s so nervous

He wants to know you more, but he also doesn’t want to make it obvious that he’s taking interest in you

The others don’t really notice because they’re too excited by the new person

Seungmin, on the other hand, tells Changbin about it

Changbin now makes it his mission to bring you two together

He brings you over to the dorm more often

Especially if Jeongin’s the only one home

“(Y/n), you’ve met Innie before right?”

You nod

Jeongin’s adorable

Changbin ends up bringing you over for movie nights

Now you’re just an honorary member of the group

Everyone else loves you

Jeongin always tries to sit next to you during movie nights

Especially if it’s a horror movie

When you get scared, you hug his arm and he likes that

Makes him feel like he’s able to protect you like a big strong man ᕙ(`▽´)ᕗ

You kinda like him too

So you test the waters around him

You start talking to him more since Changbin told you he’s really shy

Jeongin slowly eases into your company

It takes a bit of time, but he’s started getting more confident around you

You visit the dorm thinking Changbin’s there because he stole your favourite belt

When Jeongin opens the door he’s all :D but when you ask where his hyung is he goes D:

Tells you he’s not home but lets you in anyway

No one else is home except for Jeongin and Chan

So you sit in the living room with Innie

You start talking about random things

You end up talking about almost everything because it turns out that Changbin’s gone way longer than both of you thought

Chan eventually emerges from his bedroom and waves at you

He orders fried chicken for you guys

You and Jeongin continue talking while eating

Chan finds it super cute

Jeongin’s playful around you

But he doesn’t want to make himself appear immature

But you like when he’s being playful so you slowly ease him into being more comfortable

He still just wants to impress you so you like him back

Wait, when did he start liking you???

He realised it when you were over for a regular movie night

You fell asleep in his lap

Jeongin thought you were so cute

When you wake up he asks you out

You accept

He cuddles you for the rest of the night and asks you to spend the night at the dorm

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aiyexayen · 3 years ago

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So uh that essay about how Wei Ying takes after Yu Ziyuan? I am LISTENING

There were two things that really made me start to think about this, one was this tweet which says, "You know what we don't talk about? Wei Wuxian getting his cry-laughing from Madam Yu" and this incredible ChengXian video which sets their relationship to the tune of When Doves Cry and wrecks me every time I watch it (I just watched it now when I went to get the link and I'm whimpering).

As to the first matter:

seems fairly conclusive.

The second matter:

maybe I'm just like my father, too bold maybe you're just like my mother-- she's never satisfied

Was there this much meta thought put into one line of lyrics in a video set to When Doves Cry? Hard to say. There is now, though! Because dang, what a line. Essay under the cut.

There's a (valid) tendency to pull out the ways Jiang Cheng is more like his mother, and the ways Wei Wuxian is more like Jiang Fengmian, especially where their relationship is concerned.

Jiang Cheng wants proof of care through passion, through a willingness to fight. He will provoke and poke at things better left lying, with no shame and no regard to who else is around, dredge up old hurts and old grudges and old matters even if they're long buried or long forgiven, so long as he thinks it will get him the reaction he's looking for.

He wants Wei Wuxian to fix things by rising to the bait, rising to the challenge, giving him pushback when he says blatant lies, showing him that his shige still thinks he's worth it.

This is terribly unhealthy, of course, don't do this at home kids, but it's one of my core Jiang Cheng Truths.

Jiang Cheng shows that he cares in turn by being willing to fight, by pouring his emotion out even if those often end up as negative expressions. He's messy and unrestrained when he feels things, not all of which is from his mother--a lot of that is just Jiang Cheng--however, you can see the way he tries to rein in his emotions when he's embarrassed about caring or is trying to pretend that he doesn't care. Whether it's pretending to shrug off Wei Wuxian and walk away when they have a problem, or trying to rein in his temper at Lan Wangji on Dafan Mountain. Because from his mother, he's internalised the message that to engage in the fight is proof of care, so the opposite is also true.

And oh, when he hurts, he seeks to hurt back. That's very Yu Ziyuan of him.

Wei Wuxian, meanwhile, frequently defaults to calming and placating with Jiang Cheng. Not as much as Jiang Yanli does--but more on her, momentarily. We see Wei Wuxian complain at Jiang Cheng to not get riled up, tell him he's being stubborn and just to accept the peace offering, etc. The difference is that, at first, with Jiang Cheng, a lot of that is just general pouty childishness and Wei Ying-ing, general sibling shit.

Plus, he was still willing to fight/express himself fully. They fought a lot. He always ran after Jiang Cheng, always roped him into expressing himself, always let Jiang Cheng fight it out. He understood, at least intuitively, and he didn't back down. The benefits of having grown up together, and of being an older one/middle sibling in the dynamic.

But when things really started to break down between him and Jiang Cheng, when the conflict was much bigger, much more grown up, much more real, Wei Wuxian started modeling his behaviour even more on Jiang Fengmian in regards to Jiang Cheng, possibly seeing more of Yu-furen in Jiang Cheng and responding the way that felt natural.

(Also, a lot of his own guilt and depression/apathy/intent to die and assorted other issues came into play at roughly the same time.)

Thus, we see Wei Wuxian start to turn down Jiang Cheng more often, and back off. He shrugs it off or rejects it when Jiang Cheng reaches out, and he stops reaching out himself. He tries to placate Jiang Cheng, tries to defuse him, tries to send him away. Some of this is because he cares and is trying to show he cares by taking himself out of the situation; some because he's trying to maintain his lies; some because he just doesn't have the energy to deal with this anymore.

After Wei Wuxian is resurrected, by which point he's done what he perceives as the worst things to Jiang Cheng, this intensifies. Jiang Cheng provokes him beyond reason, lashes out, starts fights, sneers, and Wei Wuxian almost rises to the bait but he stops himself. He lets Jiang Cheng be angry and he shrinks himself down, he backs away, he disengages. A decent portion of this is Wei Wuxian himself, and his faulty perspective on the situation and on Jiang Cheng's anger and complexity of emotion and intent. Some of it is lingering relationship modeling off of Jiang-shushu and Yu-furen's relationship. Either way, he's definitely "being the Jiang Fengmian" in the situation.

Additionally, Wei Wuxian tries quite actively to model himself off of Jiang-shushu's good qualities, which is understandable given that this was his primary benevolent adult figure and liked him quite a lot. We see it in the way Wei Wuxian teaches, the way he instructs with archery, the fact he prioritises archery to begin with, the way he expresses kindness the way it was expressed to him, through encouragement or noticing people who are down and out. Things that Wei Wuxian, at least, attributes to Jiang Fengmian's character (I'm trying so hard not to make this a Jiang Fengmian salt post) even if a lot of that is just his own outlook on life at the end of the day.

But all of these kids were around both of these parental figures/people of authority. This is most clear in Jiang Yanli. We see the way she's become a mediator figure between her parents when they're upset with each other and understands them both.

She takes all the kind intent and patience and willingness to placate and calm from her father, and adds in the knowledge and understanding needed to actually use it interpersonally. She's more open with communication, can identify the heart of an issue, and effectively diffuse a lot of tension. She has middling success with this with regards to her parents, but a lot more success with her brothers. It helps her see eye to eye with Wei Wuxian, and share that spark of playfulness between them too. It helps her understand why Jiang Cheng says things the way he does, and what he means.

We also see Jiang Yanli reveal herself to be the steely, fiery daughter of Zi Zhizhu when someone attacks what is hers. She is just as much her mother's child.

So, too, Jiang Cheng is his father's son. I think this is true much more when he grows up and inherits the sect and has held it for some time in the wake of tragedy. We see evidence that he's become a well-regarded leader, and for all we see cool, flashing, calculating glares and bitten-back sneers, we see worried disciples fussing over his health. We see a mild manner that was learned, and an authority that has accrued with time, and a self-assuredness when dealing with his peers that seems more modeled off what we see of Jiang Fengmian than of Yu Ziyuan.

Jiang Cheng is a match for Zidian, through and through, but he is also steady and determined and bold, good at making and keeping allies, or else how could he have achieved the impossible in rebuilding his sect? He learned to take some of his mother, some of his father, find something left over of himself out of the wreckage of his life, and meld it all together.

That brings us to Wei Wuxian. I had, at the time of first seeing that tweet, showed it to a friend who said:

Are we gonna talk about how Wei Ying gets his cry-laugh from her? Are we gonna talk about how he learned that intense glare from her, too? Or his tendency to act swiftly and decisively even when it might not be the actual best course of action? Or his violent protectiveness of his siblings?

Inspired. And yes, we are.

Yu-furen was a figure of absolute strength in Wei Wuxian's life. Uncompromising, unyielding, impressive as hell. She had the capacity to inspire deep loyalty and was fiercely protective over things that were hers. Her son, her daughter, her family's reputation, her sect, her home, her disciple. (Yes, even Wei Wuxian was hers, too, she made quite the point about that.)

Wei Wuxian is very easygoing. But when he decides something is his, whether that's a duty or a person or whatever, it's his to protect, it's his to do anything for, even cause a scene, even start a war, even lose allies or his own life. It's one surefire way to get him to fight no matter what headspace he's in.

You can see Jiang Cheng realise/remember this in real time in the Ancestral Hall, when he can't get a rise out of Wei Wuxian by talking about himself and his family, and that stings, but he's desperate to get a rise out of him somehow, and immediately he sets in on Lan Wangji. And it fucking works. That's what gets Wei Wuxian to almost fight him. If he'd posed a real threat, and if a whole bunch of other complicated psychological shit wasn't part of the mix for everyone involved, there would absolutely have been a fight.

Wei Wuxian latched onto the Wens, yes, and they were his, too, but they weren't the only ones. Lotus Pier was his, as was Jiang Cheng. Yunmeng Shuangjie was not just a pipe dream, and Wei Wuxian's loyalty was not simply easy to sway. Yunmeng Jiang's strength, their reputation, their future, and Jiang Cheng's along with it were always on his mind.

He lied, and fought, and even left and took himself out of the picture to that end. For Jiang Cheng, and for his ability to carry on. In so many ways, Wei Wuxian absolutely took so much of his perspectives on that from Yu Ziyuan, for better or worse.

Uncompromising, unyielding, even when turned on himself. Never satisfied, always pushing for more, for answers, for solutions, for the right path, even in his own frequently easygoing and curious ways. Unhesitating, across the board. Even if it meant his own life, or his core.

There is nothing wrong with hesitating. Hesitating, worrying, being uncertain, trying to think first, trying to find the right path, and then being able to find it, or choose it anyway, is such an act of courage. That's a quality Jiang Cheng has in droves. He hesitated, when he saw the Wen soldiers coming for Wei Wuxian. And then he chose to sacrifice himself. For Wei Wuxian, there was no hesitation whatsoever. No forethought. No choice, really. Just go. I think that's very Yu Ziyuan of him.

I had to go digging to find that message my friend sent me, and I'll conclude with my response:

If we're going to talk about how Wei Wuxian is like Yu-furen, then we'll have to talk about how Yu-furen knew that. Or at least, the only parts that she ever had cause to see in him while she still lived. How he was hers even if he wasn't her son. How Fengmian's lazy favouritism was intolerable in this way, too, in the way it sowed discord where there didn't need to be any, and was a barrier between her and the things that should have been more fully hers. How the farewell at Lotus Pier was more of a betrayal than she intended. How she thought she and Wei Ying met over more even ground at that moment, because she knew he loved Jiang Cheng as much as she did, in the way she did. How she expected more from him than for him to give parts himself up in such a horrifying way. How she underestimated the actual damage that had been done. And if she'd survived to see it, she just might have been truly horrified.

#a rambling essay but an essay nonetheless #the untamed meta #my meta #character analysis #i'm sure i missed some stuff but the essay was getting so long #and it's long past the due date #like i didn't even really talk too much about any potential influences on other relationships in their lives #but meh #these are just my takes on the characters #not some hard and fast rule or universal truth i'm trying to claim #i just love them #yu ziyuan #zi zhizhu #jiang fengmian #jiang cheng #jiang wanyin #wei wuxian #wei ying #jiang yanli

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mickstart · 4 years ago

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what do you think are some iconic/memorable schumi moments? i just got into f1 and would like to know more about him bc somehow i can’t really find anything like that about him.... just stats which are incredibly impressive but i can’t find anything about how he behaved or just anything about his personality..... thanks <3

:) Hi anon, thank you for unleashing the beast.

Ok I love you for asking me this thank you SO MUCH. Welcome to the circus I’m glad you’re here! Also yeah, Schumi is often talked about in terms of statistics and not as a human, Which is a shame bc like! Schumi is fascinating and the dynamics on the grid in late 90s F1 is so much fun! Also, this is mainly going to be late 90s -> early 2010s stuff bc I was born in 98 so uhhh I didn’t properly witness ANY 90s stuff and had to learn about it.

OK so I got super carried away but I’ve divided this into 3 sections: Drives/races that I think showcase some of his talents, human moments we need to talk about more, and Chaotic Little Bitch moments. The key thing to remember w/ Schumi is that he personally tends to be nice but as soon as you put him in a competition, Bastard Mode activates like a cat’s pupils going wide.

I am so sorry for the following short essay. Also some crashes are briefly mentioned but only ones with absolutely no injuries and there’s no details.

Chaotic Little Bitch Moments

Schumi debuted as a SUBSTITUTE driver for Jordan when one of their drivers was in police custody (yes. really.) The highest a Jordan had qualified all year was 10th and in his DEBUT at SPA, one of the toughest tracks, in the middle of the season, Schumi qualified that Jordan 7th! THEN his clutch failed before the first lap was even complete, but Benetton and Jordan WENT TO COURT to fight each other to sign him for their team before the next race in Monza. He couldn’t debut normally he HAD to cause a scene and set the tone.

The Red Strings of Fate: He qualified 7th, his iconic 7 starred helmet, his first victory next year was ALSO at Spa - his first complete race would be at Monza, Ferrari Holy Ground, and he finished 5th which 👀 1) he was immediately racing with The Greats. 2) Mr 5 Championships With Ferrari.

Winning a race by taking a stop and go penalty on the last lap, crossing the finish line in the pits, and making such a complicated argument about said penalty that in a hearing that was SUPPOSED to be Mclaren protesting the race result the stewards scrapped the entire penalty and the 3 who awarded it handed in their licenses??? Iconic.

Austria 2002 where Rubens was ordered to give the win to Michael. And then Michael fucking made him stand on the top step on the podium like “oh no no no RUBENS deserves this” and made a big SHOW out of it and its like “Michael stop you’re not making it heartwarming you’re making it WORSE Michael STOP” The Tension of germany 2010 podium VS the theatricality of THIS podium.

Team orders were banned because of this which also makes this indirectly responsible for Fernando Is Faster Than You having to be a coded message. You can’t escape him,

Blocking Alonso in Monaco qualifying and then, years later in 2010, overtaking Alonso technically illegally at Monaco (the race was ending under safety car, but the safety car doesn’t lead them over the line it pits and they’d crossed the safety car line and the regulations were NOT specific about the rules) and getting a 20 second penalty bc Damon Hill was a steward. Haunting FERNANDO specifically at Monaco like the ghost of christmas past? Getting a harsh penalty because ANOTHER driver he’d fucked over was a steward? Forcing the FIA to rewrite the rulebook to account for his nonsense when he was in his FOURTIES? I don’t know another chaos king.

Winning the 1995 championship by crashing into Damon Hill, getting AWAY with it for some reason, and then trying to do the same thing in 1997 to Villeneuve, failing to do so and simply rebounding off of him harmlessly, almost COMICALLY, and beaching his own car in a gravel trap at which point the FIA said “I have had ENOUGH of you Wacky Races Man!” and disqualified him from the entire championship

Forcing Mika off the track so bad at Spa 2000 that Mika realized the only way he was gonna be able to get past him was to re-invent the overtake and go for it whilst they were passing a backmarker. (The overtake itself is at 2:05 in the video but the build up to it is Important bc the key part it’s not just badass, it only happened bc Mika knew who he was dealing with.)

Spa 1998 was a Ridiculously Chaotic race it truly was the Mugello 2020 of its year, and after a crash at the start that took out almost the entire grid Schumi accidentally collided with Coulthard later in the race. (The teams used to have a spare car at every race then, so the race was able to continue after a restart.) This wasn’t a racing thing, Coulthard was getting lapped. So something in Schumi SNAPS, and he storms down the pitlane and tries to fight Coulthard while the mclaren and ferrari mechanics both hold him back and finally drag him away. He projected into the future, saw Coulthard was gonna talk non-stop shit about Seb, and acted accordingly.

Monaco 2012 Pole don’t talk to me about this I still can’t believe the audacity of this man to get the only pole of his comeback, at MONACO, at the ONE RACE where he had a 5 place grid penalty to take!!

In general, I know Cheating Bad but. I HAVE to admire the brainpower it must take to have the rulebook so memorized that whilst driving an F1 car Schumi could spot a loophole the size of the eye of a needle and then dance through it, forcing the FIA to add ANOTHER page to the rule book specially for him bc nobody else even REALISED that loophole existed.

Human Moments

A quick rant about Mika and Schumi’s entire friendship. After Spa 2000 Mika goes up to Michael, says something like “Don’t ever do that again” then they’re friends again. They had this mutual understanding that Racing was not Reality. This goes all the way back to their F3 days they were rivals AND friends for their entire career. They truly were the Sewis of the era if Sebastian was like 50% more evil. Their entire dynamic is “You’re the only motherfucker in this pit lane who can handle me”. Schumi would do some bullshit and every other driver would throw up their hands in frustration and Mika would just go “Okay” and drive better to put him in his place bc he was the only one who could keep up, and Schumi very visibly LOVED that he’s grinning after Mika owns his entire ass with that overtake at Spa. They were unstoppable force meets immovable object and I’m so sad their rivalry isn’t more talked about bc the way Mika is the only driver who can get him to behave like a normal human being is SO entertaining.

This is a sad one so I won’t link it but he started crying in the 2000 Monza press-conference with his brother and Mika when he equaled one of Senna’s records. The press kept trying to ask questions about it and Mika just has this death grip on his shoulder and tries to get them to stop or let them take a break and it’s so sad but also important to know about.

Once said he didn’t want Mick to race in F1 bc the pressure of his name would put Mick under so much stress and he wanted his son to be happy. (He fully supported Mick in his endeavors! But only after making absolutely sure it was what Mick wanted, and making sure he knew he could just race for fun if he wanted and it didn’t have to be F1)

This whole interview just after Mick was born with the Schumacher family. Special shout out to Gina on his head the entire video and also Corinna talking to the press while Michael is captivated by Mick. Me too Michael.

Once allegedly pleaded to take a stray kitten home from the track?

I reblogged this yesterday but. Sticking like glue to Sebastian at an F1 test and immediately being like “This is my new son he’s gonna go far”. There’s a lot of pictures out there also of Michael being a guest at the karting races Seb went to as a kid and baby Seb visibly losing his fucking mind at being given a trophy by his idol. Every day of my life I think about him trying to ruffle Seb’s hair through his helmet at Brazil 2012

WInning the championship in 2000. Him thanking the entire team individually and pausing mid-celebration to kiss his wife Corinna so tenderly it’s in the F1 opening. Also, the way it literally cuts from the rest of McLaren looking like they’re attending a funeral to Mika grinning at him and hugging him fucking SENDSSSSS me.

Schumi was a little shit in all the 2010-12 press conferences like, lowering Lewis’ chair, playing with a microphone wire, but ESPECIALLY corrupting baby Seb and getting him to mess with Nico Rosberg.

He’s just GOOFY! Like I refuse to let him be remembered as a terrifying force of nature he was so goofy kind of similarly to Seb. PLEASE watch this incredibly awkward interview he did with Coulthard on a golf buggy where they both had to pretend they hadn’t thought about murdering each other at least once. I think Sky F1 should force Brocedes to do this when covid’s over. “Do you mind if I drive?” “Yes.”

EDIT: I CANNOT BELIEVE I forgot the 1999 Canada press conference where Eddie Irvine and Mika Hakkinen get into a water fight and Schumi immediately grabs a towel and hides behind it and is like “I had NOTHING to do with it” 🥺 adorable, actually

A lot of people at Ferrari, including Rob Smedley (who was on the other side of the garage with Felipe Massa so not in his inner circle) have said that a lot of the success of the team came from Schumi’s LEADERSHIP more than anything, that he’d make the team get together to bond all the time. When Schumi moved to Ferrari in 1996 they were NOT dominant. He did the same thing Lewis did - went to a team that everybody said would be a huge mistake and helped build them up behind the scenes.

THIS bit of the Canada 2011 Rewind where his engineer gives him the strategy and he’s like “... OkaAaAaAay?” and then when it turns out to be the wrong strategy he cheerfully tells them it’s too late. Little shit.

Speaking of Mercedes I also wanna say that like. They were a MESS in 2012 and his car DNF’d because of a failing on their part MULTIPLE times. (In Canada qualifying his DRS was stuck open and they couldn’t close it.) He did not say a single bad word about them EVER even though the press used this to attack him non-stop as washed-up and bad without Ferrari to cheat for him. At Ferrari he was the exact same with the team, any bastard antics Schumi had for his rivals did not extend to the engineers and crew.

OK this one is soured bc Top Gear is trash BUT if you were like, a kid in England who followed motorsports? Schumi’s fake reveal as The Stig on Top Gear was like the coolest, sickest thing,

Please view this image of Schumi and Mika when they were young and stupid

Iconic Races

ok so I have limited myself to a few races that show off some of his key strengths!

Hungary 1998 / France 2004 - STRATEGY/SPEED - Schumi switched to a 3 stop strategy in 98 and a FOUR STOP strategy in 04 and won both races. In order for the strategy call to work he’d have to basically make every single lap a qualifying style ‘flying lap’ and you best fucking believe he DID THAT. God I fucking miss when Ferrari was the king of strategy.

Argentina 1998 - has it all. Talent, battling Mika, pit lane mind games with mclaren, and bullying coulthard xxx

Spain 1996 / a majority of the wet races - RAIN - One of Schumi’s nicknames was Rain Master bc he was so fucking good in the wet. If it started raining and you were a Schumi stan you were cackling evilly before the red lights even went out. I single out 1996 bc it was his first win for Ferrari and it was unexpected but in most wet races, even Canada 2011 post comeback, you can see Schumi thriving.

Malaysia 1999 - Schumi missed pretty much the entire second half of the season with a broken leg, came back for the last 2 races with everybody murmuring about whether he would struggle, and immediately put the Ferrari on pole. Also worth noting is that he was the number 2 driver for these 2 races bc his teammate Irvine was fighting Mika for the championship and he went along with that without complaint, allowing Ferrari to win the constructor’s championship if not the driver’s.

Monza 2002, 03, 04, or 06 just because it has the energy of the tifosi kneeling at the feet of an idol to their red god.

Brazil 2006 - Fuck All Y’all - Schumi’s last race for Ferrari. He got a puncture and ended up almost lapped, and then drove his way back from that to 4th bc he couldn’t go out without reminding us he’s a bad bitch.

Monza 2012 - Defending - Don’t tell F1 Twitter that there’s actual footage of Lewis and Michael having a genuine lengthy battle on track but DO watch Michael defending like a motherfucker and Lewis breathing down his neck for half the race we need to talk about this more.

Valencia 2012 - This isn’t necessarily anything special but I cried in my living room over the only podium of his comeback so it goes on here. It doesn’t have the same impact if you haven’t been watching him struggle with the car for years, DNF-ing from car failure most of 2012, and having BBC F1 telling you he’s washed up every single weekend, but you can just enjoy one of the best drives of FERNANDO’S entire career as he DRAGS that Ferrari by its hair to a home grand prix win and then watch the crowds embrace him like jesus and also Schumi being happy on the podium. Also, the very start of this clip from the press conference: him forgetting what language he’s supposed to be speaking

Basically, Schumi was a hyper-competitive ambitious bitch who turned into a goofball as soon as he switched the engine off. This is by NO MEANS everything if I was making an exhaustive best races guide I’d do more research and another post but I hope this is what you were looking for?? THANK YOU SO MUCH for letting me go MAXIMUM SPECIAL INTEREST and I apologize.

#asks #Schumi #Mika #Alonso #long post #god I'm so fucking sorry #Anonymous #This is not comprehensive bc I didn't want to accidentally turn this into a whole research project especially if you're new to it!

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haknew · 4 years ago

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pls talk about your thoughts about chanhee and also the other concepts!! I always have such a hard time interpreting music and videos but i love to read about it

“bestie pls share ur thoughts on make your own concepts specifically chanhee’s but any others that are ur fave too 🎤- mar”

omg mar thank you for enabling me all day today 😭🥺🧡 thenks bestie ily :,)) and thank you too anon ! i should preface that T-T i have not read any other theories or analyses so these are just my opinions / impressions but i hope it’s entertaining to read about haha :p ! (feel free @ anyone to add on or share your thoughts too ! :,))

HYUNJAE - okay so audio cues... if you listen to the beginning there’s a sound of a bomb going off before the music starts ? and that ties into the dystopian / cyborg aesthetics that jump out at me of course, but what i immediately thought of was their no air perfo ? like we know hyunjae in the no air mv got that shot where he’s laying in the bathtub filled with water but also their kingdom performance with it also had those underwater shots ! so i think it ties into that... i feel like we saw in gen z, he’s a very straightforward person he says things on his mind which can come off as blunt but he thinks it’s better than not saying it ? which is interesting bc i think that speaks to his self- determined personality, he’s much more inclined to do whatever it takes to get something done, which i think falls perfectly in line with the “make your own air” phrase that he gets, if it’s something he needs he makes it himself, in a situational sense methinks u.u

JUYEON - JUYEON’S DJSKHDG i’m waiting for dri’s essay but in essence we see the gen z “juyeon is not such a good boy” shot and these text bubbles that pop up that say “sexy” “you so hot” “such a bad boy” and tbh i like this ‘concept’ ? for him better than his gen z one ? it’s not bc of the concept itself but i like the idea that he can “make your own character” as in he has the capability and power to be whoever he wants to ! you see him throwing white paint at the gen z canvas and i think ?! that’s symbolic of like a fresh canvas ! of remaking himself to whatever he wants bc the canvas is now blank again thanks to the white paint and flowers usually indicate spring ? so renewal and stuff like that ! i really like his, it’s also fun word play on “character” which has been juyeon’s intro in tbz (bc his name sounds like main character in korean) but yea :o ! i really love his the idea he can just repaint / paint over a literal image of him gives it the possibility of becoming smth new and that’s so so cool

CHANGMIN - SCREEEEECH okie um oh boy um *windows shutting down noises* this was so so so very different from his gen z stuff but i actually think BOTH are equally perfect for him ? the way that he set up the sparklers and neon lights on this very obviously trashy and kind of rundown rooftop with the cityline behind him is so ?!?!? LITERALLY making his own stage as his tagline goes, sort of like how the physical stage itself does not matter but rather it’s changmin himself that makes the stage special ! i talked about this in gabi’s set that i rbed ;-;/ but changmin puts a lot A LOT of stake in his position as a dancer it means almost everything to him as a form of expression from what i can see ? so he’s always trying his best to put forward the best performance possible and seeing this segment makes me feel like he’s doing just that ! pouring himself into it to make his stage pls i care him

HAKNYEON - god i’m a jusadan but just u.u rest in peace me, i’ll ... T_T be kind of honest this one confuses me a little ? i have assumptions and i feel like i know ... quite a bit about haknyeon (LMAO) my best guess is it has smth to do with self assurance ...? the way he’s framed and the fact that he’s sitting on a bed in the middle of a church surrounded by candles gives me christ figure symbolism (where my ap english takers at :/) and the light that perfectly frames him in a halo gives me angel vibes too, but the tagline of “make your own romance” paired with him kissing his reflection makes me think it’s about self love ;;;; from what i can tell haknyeon has always been someone who really likes feeling validated and praised for the stuff he does well, which he does for himself a lot of the times too ! but sometimes i think the self assurances he compliments himself with is more for reassuring himself rather than bragging (which i think people misinterpret) so it’s more about becoming the person he wants to fully love and being happie with himself which *tears* i might be reading too much into who knows i just love him ok ... U.U

KEBINNN - i know !!! dri mentioned this in my gifset tags but ! kev on kpop daebak (? was it) or smth mentioned how he strives to keep a childlike wonderment for the world around him, which is a reason why i think he loves drawing and sound / music production, he talked in a fancafe post once about an artist who turned mediocre everyday objects into art and he said he really loves that sense of wonderment so peter pan who “never grows up” is actually perfect for his worldview ahhhh T^T also kev really likes disney lmao, the way he’s doing this outside in this “neverland” garden on a balcony which is a part of this very typical apartment backed by a typical city bg also i believe ties into this turning a mediocre everyday thing into smth wonderful through his sense of childlike wonderment and his tagline of “make your own fantasy” (i also care him a lot this concept >>>>>>) and keeps to his referencing movie plotlines like he did in gen z jddkfj

SUNWOO - i also mentioned this in my tags on sunu’s set but this gives me 100 degrees vibes which i still to this day think is one of the most “sunwoo” vibe things ever, it’s a lot of him having fun and doing his own thing, and mixes both more mature and youthful aspects together in a way that i’d only ever describe as sunwoo vibes LMAO like the roller skating around and all the soap bubbles ! cute and youthful ! the crop top and celine wasitband (don’t laugh at me we all noticed) more mature and a callback to his gen z look methinks U.u, think sunwoo has always been a more go-with-the-flow or do whatever he feels like doing sort of person and so “make your own vibe” fits well with him in that sense to me

SANGYEON - .... *silence* *more windows shutting down noises* *jess.exe has stopped working* OKAY i feel like ! sangyeon’s is also more self explanatory :p i love the juxtaposition of boxing AND the arcade type fighter games ?? like both require very different sets of skills i feel like one is more physical the other is more mental ? but both require adapting to changes whether in the game or the boxing ring which as leader sangyeon would know a lot about, esp being flexible and quick to respond to different situations, and the “make your own glory” i feel is maybe more on the nose, but tbz are this man’s pride and joy you can see it literally anywhere and for him, as leader, to have made it this far with tbz, winning rtk and building their popularity through their hard work and efforts really is building his own glory and i just HHHHHHHHHH

YES EYYSFDHSHF CHANHEE YES - i said it in the tags of my srb before deleting it so i’ll just repeat it here but CHOI CHANHEE !!!!! this detail i didn’t quite process first watch was the continuous flashing of lights in all his scenes, like ... from the shots and the set it looks REALLY empty ?? but the flashing seems to indicate cameras and photos being taken of him despite there being no people we can really see in any of the shots ? WHICH IS SO COOL i think the implication is like “all eyes on him” type which SO TRU i love that idea, like i said the walking past the wedding dresses ? v heavily implies fashion designer which i think you mentioned mar :o ! and i see it in the sense of his tagline “make your own stereotype” bc white wedding dresses are the very traditional / typical choice and obviously feminine in stereotypes, whereas chanhee is wearing a SUIT which is all black in a very clean b/w set with no color which i feel is very stereotypically MASCULINE and the glasses too, it’s such an interesting contrast of his “stereotypically feminine” features (in my view) with very masculine symbols, like glasses we usually associate with more soft hearted / meek stereotypes ? but the geometric shape of the windows and again his suit seems to indicate the very opposite ? it’s a mixing of stereotypes which i think is the point, by putting those together he quite literally makes his own stereotype and puts on the crown while the cameras continue flashing while pointed at him AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

YOUNGHOON - okie might have less to say about this one :o i feel like both hak’s and younghoon’s i don’t see the connections quite as readily but ! i think it’s interesting that his tagline is “make your own classic” but then in the scenes itself he has a flip phone ??? with an antenna (okay boomer /j JDHFKFG JK PLS) and a teddy bear while in PERIOD stylized clothing and setting where those two things are more modern / contemporary in origin (but also not modern enough bc ,,, it’s a flip phone LOL) like 90s kid vibes ? you know but as an emperor in the joseon era haha :p while eating shrimp chips and reading a (comic ?) book, like idk too much of what it means but it’s a cool dichotomy LOL, think it might also tie into actor ! hoon bc it’s make your own classic and i think acting has become a very important aspect to him :o after seeing what he’s capable of in love revolution and his atbz video so it’s interesting u.u (need help w/ this one)

JACOB - think my explanation in han’s set’s tags didn’t really make sense so lemme ... reexplain LOL,,, so ! similar to his gen z video ? like he’s talked about how difficult it is to open up about his own feelings etc. and he said it’s less bc he realizes he needs to but rather just to make other people feel more comfortable when it comes to understanding him, and like the whole breaking the mirror with his reflection in the wanna be angry jacob, it’s about freeing himself to the point he can express the emotions he wants to ! in gen z it was about being able to be angry when he felt that way instead of being tied by his image of being just nice ? and in the video with his pilot uniform not only does he control the ride but he also rides on it himself ! quite literally making his own freedom (symbolically), a sort of realizing he can free himself ? from what’s been tying him down and i think the really big smile he has while riding it just comes to show how he wants to feel :,))) (jacob bae i care you)

ERIC - last one :p AHHH this is one of my favs too, the quite literal “make your own pride” I LOVE IT ! sooo i think the biggest takeaway i got was that of course in this video his “pride” is symbolized by the hot pink car (that he’s going to pick up his christmassy date in of course u.u if he has a license which he does n- his driver’s license in this was literally his aaa / boy version of reveal photo which in no dmv anywhere would a license picture be allowed to look that good-) and LITERALLY when he finished and takes it for a joy ride while sitting on the roof he’s STILL covered in the dirt and grime stains ! from working on it ! which i think is so symbolic ! it’s my favorite detail actually, he literally put sweat into this car which is his pride and now that he’s finally riding around in it, it feels accomplishing ! his pride ! love that, also when he’s grabbing a stub from that flyer i noticed he chose “youth” over the others (which was like .... ca$h, beauty, ice cream, hamburger...) which i think also just indicates that despite all this hard work he put in he still cherishes his youth and still lets that be a huge part of who he is (i mean pink car so of course) so idk i think it’s very neat go bestie mwah

#sunnew #anon #asks #not tbz #jess.replies #be your own king analysis #I WROTE SO MUCH PLS #even more than my gen z analysis i think #anyway if anyone reads all of this oof thank you #HHHEEELP #i just did all of them ....#my weakest ones are def hak sunwoo yh #idk but i like what i came up with for the others ! ^^#i've seen a few twt threads but haven't read any lol #wrote the most about chanhee but no one is surprised of course

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randomestfandoms-ocs · 4 years ago

Note

Drop the Evie essay you wrote

okay so first of all it wasn’t really an essay the way some of my ramblings are, more like just me writing down all of my thoughts in a vaguely coherent manner bc my brain was running too fast to really organize it

and second of all, just to be on the safe side, these are the potential trigger warnings that I would give for the essay — I don’t know if they all actually come up or not, but better safe than sorry, so proceed with caution!

Potential TWs: being outed, parental neglect, character death (canon), suicide attempts (semi-canon), eating disorders, lots of mental health issues, and lots of general trauma and feelings of never being good enough, and canon typical references to drinking/drugs/partying/etc

so just like a fun fact, Evie’s vitamin water of choice is zero sugar strawberry lemonade and yes i spent too long reading reviews on different flavours all because gossip girl did an entire product placement episode

anyways now onto real thoughts let’s go lesbians let’s go

so okay evie has a... very negative experience with Lily’s various boyfriends and husbands. When Evie was younger she was always hopeful that this time would be different, that they’d be a family, that her mom would actually stick around, and every single time she’s been let down and left heartbroken. When her mom starts dating Bart, Evie is very against it but she just can’t be bothered to even try to talk to Lily — Lily will date him, maybe get married, play house, abandon her children, then get divorced, and the cycle will repeat, and Lily will never give a shit about how her children feel about it. Bart is just the latest rich man for Lily to set her sights on. Given the overall shittiness of most of Lily’s exes, Evie had figured she would be a lot more vocally against Lily dating again, but Bart...

Bart himself may terrify Evie, but Evie’s unwavering faith that Chuck will always protect her outweighs that fear, and Evie has long since given up on her mom caring about her opinions so she just takes comfort in the fact that Chuck will be there and tries to just ignore the rest — and the fact that Bart is pretty much always away does help with that. That being said, she was very distraught when Bart spends season 1 christmas with them, but then Bart’s “present” for her was flying Chuck home for a few days because Lily mentioned that Eric was teasing Evie about being excited about having Chuck as a brother, and he's trying to semi-win over the kids (aka bribe them into accepting him as Lily’s fiancé)

Evie speaks several languages! She started learning French and Spanish at a very young age, and then picked more up from Lily’s various husbands. She’s not fluent in all of them but she can hold conversations in eight languages — and four of them were from Lily’s boyfriends (and italian was half pieced together from French and Spanish), and she just keeps learning more because she tries to keep herself too busy to think at any given moment

Rufus is her favourite step-dad by far, but Chuck is her favourite step-sibling (and second favourite sibling, after Eric). That being said, Bart was surprisingly decent to her because even he quickly figured out that Evie has the innate ability to get Chuck to do basically anything, and he wanted her on his side, only he underestimated how much Evie hates him for treating Chuck like shit — as she says in 2x07, “if you want us to be a family, you should learn how to be a dad”

Evie has a bit of a thing for stealing coats lmao — it’s not unusual to find her stealing Chuck, Eric, Theo, or even Nate’s jackets when she gets cold or starts feeling particularly self conscious. At the housewarming party she actually gets to bothered by all the media watching her constantly that Chuck goes and gets her one of his blazers to replace the cropped one she was wearing, and she immediately feels a bit more at east

Evie is a jock like it’s understated but she’s on multiple sports teams at school and plays outside of school too — she’s also in dance classes several times a week, along with private vocal lessons, and being part of every theatre production at Constance Billard (musicals and plays), and is on the yearbook committee. Basically, Evie needs a fucking nap, and with a lot of pushing from Chuck and Eric and Theo (to balance out Blair “do absolutely everything in the name of Yale” Waldorf) she does eventually ease up on her extra-curriculars

She holds far too much power in the Constance-St Jude hierarchy. She’s a freshman, but it’s well known that Evie is completely untouchable. Some people (cough Jenny) might try to cross Blair, but no one is stupid enough to go after Evie — she’s not just Blair’s protégée, she’s also under Chuck’s protection. And when Jenny does try to cross her in season 3 (physical and emotional bullshit, public humiliation, telling the entire school she’d tried to kill herself and had been at Ostroff not “in florida”), well... she learns that even being family won’t stop her entire life from being destroyed

Speaking of Jenny... that’s a very messy relationship — I want to like Jenny, I really do, but I just... don’t so far. They’re a very sweet relationship early on, neither of them had dated before and they were just really smitten with each other and things were good. There were definitely some issues because of the Jenny-Blair war, but they’d been okay — or so Evie had thought, until Jenny dumped her by means of introducing everyone to her new boyfriend, Asher. Then of course there’s the party and Jenny outing her, and then just not talking to her for months until she needs something from them (an in to the White Party). Eric manages to convince Evie to play nice, but he does so under the impression that Jenny had apologized to Evie — he didn’t know she’d only apologized to him. Eventually Jenny does apologize and Evie tries to forgive her, and she keeps giving Jenny more and more second chances (especially once they become step sisters), but Jenny really just keeps hurting Evie to get on top because with Blair gone, Evie immediately becomes the new queen, and Jenny cares more about being queen than being nice. Little does she realize that part of why Evie became queen with no challenge is because she’s nice.

and regarding Evie’s other relationships... so serena was a really good big sister when Eric & Evie were kids — Blair was the responsible sister and Serena was the fun sister, but it was a good balance and it worked. But when the twins were around eleven and Serena was around 13, she became besties with Georgina Sparks, and everything went to shit. Serena started getting into partying and drinking and drugs and became just as flighty and unreliable as Lily, which takes a significant toll on the twins’ mental health — side note, one of their therapists at the Ostroff Centre believes that their significant codependency stems from the abandonment issues they have as a result of Lily and Serena just up and leaving them whenever anything “better” comes along.

And unfortunately for the twins, this was around the same time (grade 6) that Theo got sent to boarding school, so really they lost both their sister and their best friend at the same time, and Theo leaving also messed up the overall group dynamics and they half lost Nate too — he was still in their lives but he went from being the dad to Blair’s mom to being more of a big brother, and there was this sort of hole that didn’t get filled until a couple of years later.

And of course, a lot of it then fell to Blair to try to fill that hole and the holes left by Serena and Lily and went from being sort of “mom friend big sister” to “literally the closest thing we have to a mom”, which is also just a lot of pressure for a thirteen year old girl and part of why Blair and Chuck got a lot closer after he ended up becoming their dad was because she finally had someone that she could talk to too.

Also like full disclosure, Chuck never really intended to become their dad. He started off as a reluctant big brother because he was Nate’s best friend and Nate was the dad friend when they were younger, and Evie just kind of decided that she loved him and like no one can argue with Evie so all of a sudden he was part of the family. He doesn’t really become dad until the van der Woodsens move into the hotel because suddenly Eric and Evie are just always there, and he doesn’t even realize it until months later, after Serena is gone and he realizes that he’s been skipping parties to like play mario kart and shit with the twins and Blair is just like “lmao yeah buddy you’re the last one to get this memo”

and then there’s this list that I made of the NJBC’s roles in raising the twins and theo back when they were younger

Blair: holds their hands to cross the street, teaches them not to talk to people who wear sneakers or to strangers, teaches them how to dress themselves like respectable people, makes them finish their homework before watching tv, hates all of their nannies and only trusts dorota to take care of them Nate: teaches them to tie their laces and their ties, plays video games and sports with them, helps them with homework and doesn't get impatient when they struggle, lets them use his notebooks to draw in when they're bored Chuck: will destroy anyone who hurts them, teaches them street smarts and how to tell when someone is lying, is the one who lets them do dumb and reckless things because he'd rather they do them when he's there to get in trouble, still refuses to believe that they know what sex is Serena: reminded them that it's okay to have fun and draw outside the lines, stood up for them when lily was being a shit mom and always tried to protect them from the worst of her neglect, came up with games to play when they were sad to take their minds off whatever is upsetting them

And Theo!!!!!! Theo has been their best friend for their entire lives! They’ve known him since they were babies and the three of them have always been inseparable! Like highkey they were just a more functional NJBC lmao, and we love them for it! Theo getting sent to boarding school was really hard on all three of them but they stayed in constant contact and whenever Theo is back in the city, it’s almost impossible to see them not together. Theo does know that they were in the Centre, so once he’s back full time, he’s spending as much time visiting them as he can! Even when Eric and Theo are dating (and later when Evie and Theo are dating), the group dynamics really never change! It’s still always the three of them, and sometimes Jenny in s1, they’re still each other’s family, and they’re still just a bit too interdependent to be entirely healthy (it’s the trauma and neglectful parents)

on a slightly related note, neither of the twins drink anything other than champagne and sometimes wine, and neither of them touch drugs at all, and it’s entirely because of Serena. They’ve both seen how much she’s changed since she got into that scene, and especially since ‘liking partying’ turned into ‘alcohol addiction’, and they’re both too afraid of ending up like that to even take the risk. It’s something that definitely sets them apart from pretty much any of their peers, but they’ve gotten very good at just laughing it off with a “hey, I just don’t want to end up on Gossip Girl tomorrow” which people generally accept

(that being said, Evie did smoke for a while pre-canon bc cigarettes curb hunger, but she hasn’t smoked at all since ending up in the Centre, and once she’s out too many people have an eye on her for her to even try, and she does want to stop)

(TW ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, fairly detailed discussion) so okay the breaking point for the twins... lily had just gone awol again and Blair was away visiting her dad and evie was at the archibalds’ house hanging out with theo, who was home for a weekend, and eric didn’t want to call anyone because lily’s disappearance had left him in a spiral of feeling annoying and like people didn’t really want him in their lives and there wasn’t a specific trigger but instead of the spiral slowing down or evie/chuck/blair being able to pull him out of it, it just kept getting worse until he was slitting his wrist in the bathroom — only Evie had just gotten home and when he didn’t reply to her calling his name, she got freaked out and started looking for him and when she saw him, she just... couldn’t deal. She called 911 for eric but then she was just in the bathroom and covered in his blood and she didn’t know what to do and she needed to calm down so she grabbed a bottle of valium that she thinks was Lily’s but instead of just taking one pill she ended up taking all of them and downing them with a bottle of vodka serena had hidden — once she realized what she’d done she called Chuck and basically just said “I think I fucked up” and Chuck freaks out (understandably) and rushes to their suite and gets there basically just in time to see both of them being loaded into an ambulance; he claims he’s their brother and rides with them to the hospital where he calls blair, and arranges for his jet to pick her up asap, and then tries (unsuccessfully) to get in touch with lily

#lizziesxltzmxn #ask #answered #evie van der woodsen #about evie #freshman generation

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steveng-rogers · 4 years ago

Text

Hostie and Wine PRIEST AU(happygowriting kinktober day 1=Food Kink )

Pairings: Stucky(StevexBucky), Dandy(DaytonxAndy), slight Ducky(DaytonxBucky) Dark-ish!Steve and Andy. College boys Bucky and Dayton.

Rating: M+ (to be clear that is Mature, meaning if you’re under the age of 18 DO NOT READ or INTERACT)

Word Count: 4,143

Warnings: Explicit, 18+ ONLY. M/M. Heavy blasphemy kink. Food kink. Restraints, gagging(not too heavy). Dirty talk, mild degrading. Alcohol. Demonic chants(not too weird, translation will be at the end of the fic) the real warning is the bad Latin. Blowjobs, hand jobs, anal sex, male giving and receiving. Praise kink. (If there are any thats not listed and you think I should list, let me know)

Summary: Harmless fun for Bucky and Dayton turns into a fantasy filled night with the help of father Steve and Father Andy.

A/N: I used CPDV(Catholic Public Domain Version) translation of the Bible because it’s easier to understand. I don’t know any Latin, so what you find here is google translated. Don’t repost this anywhere unless you have asked me for permission. I worked very hard on this :) thankyou for curtisbb for proof reading this and happygowriting for providing this awesome prompts.

Morning Sunday mass, early, boring, and so hard to pay attention to. It’s

their day off and if it were any other colleges, they would be in bed and do

whatever they desired. But being in a Catholic private college means they live

under a strict rule of Catholicism and their many masses and some might say

“rituals”.

Dayton White and Bucky Barnes are now sitting on the third row from the

altar. Not stiff enough to sit on the very first row and not rebellious enough to

sit in the back row like those hooligans. Plus they have enough heads to keep

them from getting in trouble from talking to each other and from here they

have enough distance between those heads to steal glances at their new

priests. That is exactly their topic of whispers for almost three weeks now.

They look at each other, giving each other the “eyes” when the Bishop is

trying to use slang or use any remarks to be funny.

“In our reading today we learned that Jesus was brought out by the spirit to

be tempted by Satan. Now as you all know Jesus was or rather still is the OP

(Over Powered) man and God. He refused to be tempted you see..”

Dayton rolled his eyes, really OP? “What is this? A video game convention?”

Bucky laughs quietly at Dayton’s comment, making sure to bow his head so it’ll

look like he’s coughing or something. Dayton smirks and pat Bucky’s back to

make it more convincing to others that are watching. The angels and the

heavens are not the only ones who've been watching the two, there are two

pairs of glistening blues who already set their eyes on them. They know their

ticks and their subtle coded movements.

Dayton felt the burns of their stare and because he is Dayton White he

dares to look at the two priests. Father Andrew Barber holds up a finger to his

lips, ever so subtle and quick to tell him to “hush” and Father Steve Rogers on

the other side of him, just raised his eyebrows at the younger men. Dayton

nudges Bucky’s elbow and points with his chin to them. He looks up, a little too

quickly and finds Father Steve already looking at him. They look away and

back to the Bishop. Both of the young men feel the cold shiver running down

their spines, making them clutch the matte black blazer of their school’s

uniform tighter around their body. Something is amidst. Something dark.

“And just like Jesus said in Matthew 4 verse 7, you can say to Satan that

they cannot tempt you for you are a child of God and your faith will save you.”

When the time of the communion came, their favorite part. They wait for

their turn and go in line to receive their hostie and wine. The body and the

blood of Jesus.

Father Andrew holds out the white, round hostie and Dayton submissively

opens his mouth to receive it. And father Andrew places the hostie in Dayton’s

mouth and gives a light pressure on his thumb as it reaches the top of

Dayton’s tongue. Bucky on the other hand is on his way to receive the wine

from none other than Father Steve. Father Steve extends the gold chalice to

Bucky and Bucky couldn’t help but to lick his lips. The wine is not the one he

had in mind to satiate his thirst and father Steve saw that in his eyes. So he

tips the chalice to Bucky’s mouth, his index finger brushes lightly against

Bucky’s lips as it was so strategically placed on the outline of the chalice by

father Steve.

No one noticed when these exchanges happened, for they are subtle and

very easy to miss. But for the four of them, it leaves them breathless and

wanting more, so much more.

Long after the mass was done and dinner was served, Bucky and Dayton

decided to lounge around their common room. Dayton is sitting on the sofa,

close to the window, catching up on some assigned reading and Bucky is

sitting close to the fireplace finishing up his essay. After hours, both boys grew

bored. Their minds start to idle and they can’t seem to concentrate on their

task. And the saying goes, “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” Usually

Dayton is the one who would come up with things to do, but today Bucky came

up with something. Rather devilish.

“Dayton.” Bucky closes his laptop and sits towards his bestfriend, a playful

grin on his face.

“What is it?” Dayton looks up from his book and raises his eyebrows at him,

clearly interested.

“You know when the priests and church staff go to sleep right?”

“Yeah, around 9 oclock. Why?”

“What do you say we steal some hostie and raid the wine cellar?” Bucky

suggested and Dayton just shakes his head, impressed at how reckless Bucky

is being right now.

“No and you know why.”

Bucky stood and went over to Dayton. “They’re not yet blessed, so we'd only

be guilty of stealing. Plus the confession room opens tomorrow and you know

who is going to be there.” Dayton thought about being alone in the room with

father Andrew and he’s sold.

“Okay fine, you got me. If we get caught, you’re taking the blame.”

“Alright so you’re calling cauliflower?” Bucky said their code word and

Dayton gave him a nod. The plan is locked and loaded.

Around nine oclock, the two best friends waited until the light on their hal

l was dimmed. Then Bucky leads them to a room where the unblessed hostie

are made. Dayton waited outside while Bucky went in to snatch some bags of

hostie, sure they tasted like nothing but when you’re tempted the devil will help

you indulge.

Then out of the corner of his eyes, Dayton saw two figures walking towards

where he is at. It was so dark and Dayton can only see dark shadows and by

God, if these are ghosts he’s gonna make a run for it. Then as they walk

closer, Dayton can make up the outline of a face and oh. Oh. He knows that

beard, those broad shoulders, and the cross necklaces. It’s the twin priests.

They were too busy arguing quietly until father Andrew saw him and father

Steve followed his gaze.

“Mister White? What are you doing out so late?” Father Andrew raises his

eyebrows in question and Dayton can feel his palms getting clammy.

“And where is mister Barnes? You two are usually together, are you not?”

Father Steve asked as he looked around for Bucky. Dayton smiles nervously

and reminds himself to be calm.

“Oh well, Barnes and I are looking for uh..” He trails off as he hears Bucky’s

footsteps getting closer to the door. “Cauliflower!” Dayton exclaimed, loud

enough for Bucky to hear and the footsteps stopped abruptly.

“Cauliflower?” Father Steve and Father Andrew look at each other and back

at Dayton.

“For what?” Dayton cursed in his heart, damn it. “For a project that we’re

working on.”

“Well, I better not find you in the confession booth tomorrow confessing

about this lie. Or they will be severe punishments.” Father Andrew

emphasized on the word punishment and that sends chills throughout Dayton’s

body.

“Yes, father.” With that the two priests left him there and once they’re out of

sight, Dayton exhales and knocks on the door for Bucky to come out. “Oh my

god, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Bucky laughs with the bag of hostie in

his hands. “Shut up, we almost got caught.” Bucky grins and throws one of the

bags at Dayton. “But we didn't, so come on. One more stop.”

Dayton went inside the wine cellar this time and Bucky was outside, to look

out for them. Once they got the goods, they head back to their dorm room

completely unaware that they’ve been followed.

The clock strikes midnight and the two boys are enjoying their wine and

hostie in their dorm room. They’ve spiked the wine with vodka, a gift from their

Russian friend Pietro. They’re a giggling mess, the slight buzz was a nice

feeling, and the tasteless hostie somehow is sweeter in their mouths.

At exactly 12:12 am, the door opened and the boys were met with large

figures standing on the door. “You didn’t lock the fucking door Barnes.” Dayton

glares at Bucky, who is now looking up at father Steve. “I’m sorry..”

“What do we have here?” Father Steve crouches down and grabs the

opened bag of hostie from Bucky’s hand.

“This doesn’t look like a cauliflower, does it?” Father Andrew asked as he

inhaled the tip of the wine bottle.

Bucky and Dayton weren't sure on what to do other than to look up to the

two men. “But you knew that Dayton and Bucky?” Father Andrew looked into

their eyes. Both boys look down, shame burns the words out of their mouths.

“Come on, you two are smart right? Use your words.” Father Steve edge on.

But they can’t even whisper a word out. “Get up both of you.” Dayton can feel

his legs wobbles as he slowly stood. Bucky was not much better because he’s

still on the ground.

“Bucky.” Father Steve warns and Bucky immediately stands. “We can expel

the both of you for this. Do you want that?” Father Steve said, tilting Bucky’s

chin up to look at him. Both boys shake their heads. “Didn’t I say use your

words?” He warned them, annoyance laced his tone. “N-no father.” Bucky

managed to stammer out.

“Please we’ll do anything to not get expelled.” Dayton finally spoke. “Hm

anything?” Father Andrew hums as he locks the door behind him. “Yes, father

Andrew anything.” He stalks over and stands in front of Dayton. “Call me

Andy.” Dayton swallows the lump on his throat and nods. The older men

exchange a knowing look to each other and when they turn their heads to the

boys, the pupils in their eyes grow dark. The younger boys gasp, prickles of

arousal dance down their bodies as the men extend their hands out to them.

Steve snakes his arm around Bucky’s waist and Bucky voluntarily steps

closer to him, pressing their bodies together. Andy runs his index finger down

Dayton’s jawline slowly, eyes following Dayton’s lips.

“Kiss me.” They whisper to the boys with their lips so temptingly close to

them.

Bucky and Dayton close their eyes and kiss them. Dayton almost whimpers

when Andy returns his kiss, so demanding his kiss was. He kissed Dayton so

deeply, almost as if he wanted a taste of the wine he’d been drinking.

Bucky inhales deeply when Steve kisses him back, so soft as if he is to savor

Bucky’s lips with his. He wraps his arms around Steve’s shoulder, one hand

running through his golden locks and he tugs as Steve bites down on his lips.

That earned Steve a hopeless moan from Bucky.

Andy backs Dayton to his bed. His lips find its ways to Dayton’s neck as he

pushes him down to his bed. “Been wanting to taste you. Ever since you lick

my finger on our first communion. You know exactly what you’re doing to me.”

Andy whispers with his thumb brushing against Dayton’s lower lips and he bites

down on his thumb teasingly. “ ‘course I do father, had to lay my claim on you.”

Andy chuckles, dark and deep as he tugs Dayton’s white button down off.

Steve has Bucky’s legs wrapped around his waist as they kiss hungrily.

When Bucky lays down on the bed and looks up, Steve’s black button down

was already half opened thanks to Bucky’s wandering hands. Steve ripped his

shirt open and maybe it’s the alcohol, but Bucky lost it as he looked up, seeing

Steve’s bare chest and the little sun tattoo just underneath his left collar bone.

He groans and moans out, “Daddy.” Steve smirks down at him. “Oh? You’re

daddy’s boy huh?” Bucky’s face flushed red, pupils blown darker than the new

moon. “Hm.” And he nods. Steve huffs, hand palming Bucky’s crotch “Use your

words Bucky.” He gasps out, “Yes! I’m daddy’s boy.”

Andy pulls down Dayton’s pants along with his red briefs, then he starts to

stroke his length drawing sweet little noises from him. “You’re already

throbbing baby. What happens if I put my mouth on you hm? Are you gonna

cum right away like a horny teenager?” Dayton groans in protest. Sure he had

been deprived of this kind of fun, but that doesn’t mean he and Bucky hadn’t

fooled around or that he was an inexperienced virgin. “Why don’t you find out

mister Barber? Put your mouth around me and I’ll prove to you how

‘inexperience’ I am?” Dayton smirks, he can see a flash of anger on Andy’s

dark eyes. “You think you’re in charge here? Oh I don’t think so. I am and

you’ll do as I say.” Andy pulls his belt off his waist and runs the metallic tip on

Dayton’s bare chest, making him tremble. “I told you there is going to be a

severe punishment if I caught you and here we are.”

Bucky was bare as the day he was born, a quivering, and a flushed little

thing Steve thought. “Play with yourself sweetheart, imagine it was me just like

you’ve been confessing in the booth.” Bucky bites down on his bottom lips,

trying to contain his moans as he slides his hand up and down his own cock.

Steve grabs the bottle of wine and takes a huge swig out of it, palming himself

as he watches Bucky play with himself. “Don’t bother being quiet, come on let

daddy hear how good you sound .” Bucky’s toes curl as he moans out Steve’s

name. “O-ohhh S..S-Steve, daddy please touch me, touch me.” Steve takes

another swig of the wine, then he leans down to kiss Bucky, filling his mouth

with the red liquid. “Good boy, keep going. Keep touching that pretty thing.

Make daddy proud.” Bucky is a sucker for praises and Steve amplified that,

with his husky and soft voice and Steve, he goddamn knows it.

Dayton’s hand is now all tied up to the upper railing on his bed, his fingers

bare down on his palm, making his knuckles white as Andy toys around with

his nipples. “Don’t you make a fucking sound. Or I’ll edge you and make you

watch your best friend get fucked like you wanted while you’re here,

pathetically begging for me to make you cum.” Andy sits up and takes his

black button down off him, showing off the little moon tattoo under his left collar

bone and that makes Dayton’s mouth water at the thought of having his mouth

all over that tattoo. “Maybe I like to be edge Andy, won’t be the first time I

watched my best friend get his way.” Now that was a mistake and Dayton was

too late to pull back. Andy fished out his white, clergy collar, and enfold it

around Dayton’s jaw, muffling his mouth. The priest breaks down the hostie

into smaller pieces, placing it down Dayton’s chest to his happy trail where the

skin glistens with Dayton’s precum. “I want you to remember that verse from

Luke 22nd, about the last supper. Recite it, the last of verse 19.” Andy pulls

down the collar just a little so Dayton could talk. The younger man breathes

heavily as he tries to remember it. “This is my body, which is given for y-you.

Do this as a commemoration of me ohh...” Andy growls as he licks and eats

the white pieces of hostie along Dayton’s body. “Good, good boy.” He coos

softly, putting the collar back on to Dayton’s mouth.

Bucky almost came under Steve’s watch and of course, Steve being the

sadist that he is pulls his hand away. Bucky whined, closing his legs to hide his

painfully hard on from Steve. “No sweetheart, keep it wide open. I want you to

recite the memory verse I have given you. Come on I’ll help you, Luke 22nd,

the last of verse 20.” Bucky’s wine stained lips quiver as he struggles to

ground himself, Steve is all but smiles and proud because he knows Bucky

could do it. “This.. uhm chalice is the new covenant in my blood, which will be

shed f..f-for you.” Steve opens up Bucky’s jaw and pour the remaining of the

wine into his mouth. “Drink sweet boy and don’t waste a single drop.” Steve

commands him and Bucky gulps it down like he was told to. Before Bucky

could finish, Steve wraps his hand around Bucky’s neck and squeezes it,

enough to make him gasp and then he kissed him like a starved man. His

other hand, strokes Bucky’s cock making the younger man moan into their

kiss. “Bucky, sweetheart. Cum on my hand. You deserve it, for being so fucking

good to me.” He whispers as he licks the droplets of the red liquor along

Bucky’s lips and like the command of God, Bucky moans out and came all over

the priest’s hand. “Ah! Steve-oh god, da-daddy..ah.” Bucky’s whole body

trembles as Steve strokes his cock some more.

Andy and Steve are prepared to have this moment with them, have been

planning it for months, and it’s finally here. They came willingly, well one of

them certainly did. They glances at each other as they grab the small pack of

lube that they’ve brought with them. Once they’ve stripped themselves naked

and on their knees above their chosen ones, the twins starts to chant

something like prayers under their ragged breaths.

“Satanas Domino, per gratiam tuam

Concede mihi precor te

Ut ad virtutis in

Mente consipere ac reddere

Quam ad facere cupio.”

Steve teases the rim of Bucky’s hole and he shudders, still sensitive from

coming too hard. Steve hush him quietly as he slides his lube coated fingers

into him. Stretching him open and getting him ready for him. “Barely put up a

fight with me. Was I always the subject in your wet dreams Bucky? Those

things you’ve confessed to me in that dark booth, all me huh?” Bucky thought

he was being subtle, but the shame of getting caught shot arousal to his dick

and he tightened around Steve’s digits. “Answer me.” Steve demands and

Bucky whimpers out, “Yes, yes. ‘S all you Steve.”

Dayton is painfully hard, he wanted to protest, but his mouth is stuffed and

not in the way that he likes. Andy chuckles darkly at his attempts and without

warning he drips the cold liquid of the lube on Dayton’s red rim and that earns

him a choked out moan from Dayton. “You’ve finally found your match?

Somehow you know only I can make you like this, you came with me with your

inappropriate comments thinking that I might blush and came again wishing

that I do them to you.” Andy slides his digits in and made a scissoring motion

inside him, Dayton bites down on the collar trying his hardest to be quiet. Andy

adds to the torture as he licks and sucks on the top of Dayton’s cock.

“Mmmph-Andy!..”

They toy and play around with the two for what feels like hours. They want

them savored and teased like Satan did to Eve in the garden of Eden.

Steve strokes himself and with Bucky all ready for him, he slid inside him

slowly. Bucky immediately tightened around him, feeling every veins on Steve’s

cock. “F-fuck Steve.” He moans desperately, cock already twitching and

wanting to cum again. “By God Bucky, don’t you cum before I tell you to.” Steve

sets a slow pace until he’s all sheathed inside him. “Fuck. Oh yes, all hot and

tight for me. All for me huh Bucky? Goin to fuck the sweet sin into you.” Bucky

wraps his legs around Steve, hands on his back with his fingers clawing at the

older man’s back. Steve’s words, his cock, and the way his hand squeezes his

legs made Bucky desperate to let go, but he can’t it all feels so good and all he

wanted is for Steve to have him like this for the rest of his days. “Daddy oh

god, ngh- please fuck me, harder Oh!” Steve grabs the headboard and starts

to fuck him slow and hard, making Bucky feel every inch of him.

Andy has Dayton’s legs on his shoulders as he keeps teasing him, sweeping

the tip of his cock and slowly putting it inside Dayton but not quite fucking him.

Dayton let out a frustrated, pushing his hips down to seek more of Andy.

“Darling you’ve got to earn it, you know that don’t you?” Tears slipped down

Dayton’s flush cheeks, he’s so unbelievably hard and he hasn’t cum in the last

hour. He’s aching and desperate for Andy to just fuck the daylight out of him.

Andy took the collar off Dayton’s mouth, wanting to listen to Dayton’s pleas

more clearly. “Andy please, you’ve tortured me enough, ah-I can’t please.”

Andy smiles devilishly, kissing Dayton’s wet cheeks. “Can’t what hm? Take it

anymore?” Dayton nods, his walls finally crumbling down under Andy’s touch.

“I love hearing you beg. That honeyed voice of yours darling.” Andy gave

Dayton what he'd been pleading for and Dayton swore he saw the halo on top

of Andy’s head as he felt the delicious stretch on his hole. Dayton’s hole

swallows Andy’s dick almost all the way in and Dayton is already a whimpering

mess under the priest. Andy pushed in some more till he bottoms out, making

Dayton cry out in pleasure, “Jesus-ah! Andy, A-ah Andy.” The said man starts

one unrelenting pace as he pressed Dayton’s legs up to his chest to fuck him

deeper. “Sweet heavens, you felt better than I’d imagine. Look the way you

take my cock. Like a good fucking whore.”

Steve fucked Bucky until he’s on his third orgasm, Bucky is all but a writhing,

sweet thing under him and Steve hasn’t even come once, but he’s so

goddamn close. Steve’s hand closed around the metal railing of the headboard

as he moves his hips hard against him. “Steve, Steve oh daddy. Fuck, fuck. ‘S

too much.” Bucky whined, high pitched and breathy and that edged Steve on

even more. “Almost sweetheart, daddy’s gonna cum in you yeah? Fill up that

sweet ass of yours and make you cum again.” Bucky clenches around Steve,

making Steve bend the metal in his hand. He rams his hips harshly as he

finally spills his seed inside Bucky and Bucky moans lewdly as his own cock

twitch and he came for the fourth time. “Ouhh daddy. Steve hahh.” Steve holds

Bucky close as he rides his high, his hand loosened around the metal and he

moans deeply in Bucky’s ear.

Andy has Dayton on all fours, his reddened ass in the air and his face all

flushed against the pillow. Andy spanks Dayton’s ass as he rails him from

behind, making Dayton whined all high pitched into the pillow that he’s

clutching. “Fucking Christ Dayton, darling look at you. All nice and fucked out.

Want me to cum inside you hm? Fill you nice till all you can feel is me?” Andy

whispered in Dayton’s ear with his deep voice that made Dayton shiver. “Yes,

yes. Give it to me. Fill me up, fill me up -ah!” Andy rams that sweet spot of

Dayton’s as his hand snakes down to pump his cock. “Cum Dayton, you’ve

earned it. Be a sweet boy for me darling, make me fucking proud.” Dayton’s

mouth falls open, but not a whisper of word comes; instead his ass clenches

around Andy’s cock as his cock shoots out hot, white cum on the sheet

beneath him. “Yes, there you go sweet boy. You’re my sweet boy, keep coming

baby.” Andy gave a couple of hard thrusts till he came inside Dayton, his head

falling upward like Cain did when he worshipped God. Andy growled deep and

hoarse as he filled Dayton up, Dayton hums sweetly as Andy leans down and

kisses down his back.

The twin cleans their partners up with warm towels, making sure they’re

going to be comfortable come morning. The clock strikes 3 am and the two

priests quietly slip out of the dorm room. Their eyes gave out glints of red, a

devilish smirk painted across their lips as they walked side by side. “Who

would’ve thought?” Steve chuckles. “You know what he said, fruits taste better

when they’re forbidden.” Who would’ve thought that demons only prey on

beautiful women? They prey on beautiful men too.

Translation of the Latin piece: Lord Satan, by your grace, grant me, I pray thee the power to conceive in my mind and to execute that which I desire to do.

#StevexBucky #AndyxDayton #Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes #andy barber x dayton white #stucky #dandy #Stucky AU #dandyau #ducky 🦆#daytonxBucky #Steve Rogers #Andy Barber #Bucky Barnes #dayton white #twinandyandsteve #happygowriting #letsgetkinky2020 #kinktober2020 #happygowritingprompts

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mostlycompetentwriter · 5 years ago

Text

It’s All About The Game (Part 3)

Pairing: OC X Seo Changbin (Stray Kids)

Genre: High School AU, Enemies to Lovers, Sports Fiction

Warnings: Smut and Language

Word Count: 12K

Summary: Changbin is back from his family’s villa and Kayda is surprised that the handsome boy is still interested in pursuing her. Kayda, encouraged by her new friends, is willing to try this whole dating thing. Unfortunately, nobody ever told her that turning down Seo Changbin for prom would turn into such a cataclysmic event.

August

Life without Jisung is a summer’s day missing sunshine, clouds obscuring the crystal-blue sky with ugly gray layers threatening to fall at any moment. It was a lack of fresh air after being stuck inside a room watching the walls as they slowly caved in around you. A unique kind of pain that I felt deep in my soul because there is nothing to stop it from hurting.

A new academic year was right around the corner and I had not spoken to Jisung since last semester. He never responded to my sudden message back in June, leaving me to anxiously worry about him while I prayed to receive any form of communication to alleviate my concerns. At this point, I was willing to accept anything from him even if it was just one word sent directly to my inbox.

But those places where Jisung had left a noticeable absence in my heart were sternly occupied by Changbin, even if our summer together meant video calls and late-night text messages. Our relationship was still tentative, somewhere bordering between an intimacy shared between two people who considered themselves as more than just friends. A kind of relationship that I had never experienced before, but Changbin was surprisingly willing to give me space when I would ask, demonstrating himself to be a reliable confidant. Despite our rocky start together, I was now certain of my feelings for him. And without Changbin present over the summer, I was desperate for him to come home.

Of course, I don’t want to insinuate that Changbin’s friends weren't an acceptable company, inviting me to join them for dinners or to attend a movie together. But it wasn’t the same as being with Jisung and Changbin even as I tried to remain enthusiastic when Felix would randomly invite me out to play basketball. I’ve always been bad at hiding my feelings and I knew the others could pick up on my melancholic mood.

Thankfully, Changbin had finally sent me a well-appreciated message promising that he was planning to return the Sunday before school would start.

From Changbin:

I’ll come by and see you, Reynolds.

I schooled my enthusiasm, patiently waiting on the porch steps until Changbin’s car finally came into view, rolling to a stop along the sidewalk. Resisting the urge to run down the driveway, I concentrated on keeping a neutral expression, allowing a genuine smile when Changbin finally stepped out of the driver’s side door. “Reynolds,” he said, voice achingly familiar as I eliminated the distance between us, falling into his open arms. His heart was beating just as fast as mine, synchronized to the rapid rise and fall of our chests pressed together. “I missed you,” he said, pulling back to attach his lips to mine, kissing me with an urgency I had never experienced with him before.

I was caught off-guard, but Changbin’s grip remained persistent around my waist, swallowing my protests as I gasped into his mouth. But Changbin always had a way of easing me into these new and imposing situations, leading me by the hand while he demonstrated with an eagerness that was practically infectious and impossible not to share. “Changbin,” I finally managed, breaking our kiss because I was starting to grow light-headed. “You should warn a girl next time.”

“Couldn’t help it,” he said, warm against the side of my neck. “You definitely should have come with me, Reynolds.”

I grinned, unable to resist his charms. “Maybe next time.”

“Do you mean it?” he asked, eyes wide as he pulled back enough to meet finally look at me.

“Depends on how well you behave,” I teased him because this was the special dynamic I shared with Changbin and his returning smile told me that I wasn’t the only one who was aware.

“Honestly, Reynolds, it’s not a big deal,” Changbin said, maintaining a firm grip on my hand as he pulled me down the hallway.

It was easy enough for him to say since he was used to the attention. “Everyone’s looking,” I whispered, blushing under the watchful stares of my classmates.

“Let them,” Changbin insisted, pausing next to his locker. “They’ll get used to it.”

“But I won’t,” I complained, silently encouraging Changbin to exchange textbooks faster. “What if they ask questions?”

Changbin snorted. “Really? Why does this bother you so much, Reynolds?”

“It doesn't,” I insisted, straightening my stance. “I’m just not used to everyone paying attention to me.”

“Well, they’re all a bunch of gossips,” he said, whispering directly into my ear as if unaware of the effect it would have on me. “Let them talk.”

Changbin resumed his hold on my wrist and the two of us walked to first period together, finding a pair of desks at the back of the room. I quietly pulled out my used textbook, dusting off the cover. Meanwhile, I had yet to notice the way Changbin was currently looking at me. “What?”

He tapped his pencil against the side of my book. “Where did you get that, Reynolds? It looks used already.”

“That’s because it is,” I said. “I bought it online from an older student.”

“You shouldn’t use that,” Changbin declared, snatching the book from me with precision, elbowing his new edition in my direction. “Use mine for today. I’ll just buy another one.”

“Changbin,” I started, hesitantly considering the book. “I don’t want you to pay for something so expensive.”

“It’s not that much, Reynolds,” he insisted, but I could definitely offer protest because I saw the price for a new edition on Amazon. “Besides, you’re the brainiac anyway. You deserve this.”

My cheeks heated at his words. “But it’s really nice.”

“Of course it is,” Changbin said, flipping open the cover before pulling off the lid to his pen. “And now it’s yours.”

I watched as he scribbled my name across the front page. It almost physically hurt me to watch him devalue the textbook in one fatal swipe. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” Changbin insisted, expression warm as the instructor walked into our classroom.

I relaxed as the familiarities of the instructional setting eased me into a new lecture, complete with an impressive PowerPoint. I took notes diligently, ignoring the way Changbin would study me instead of the screen, chin propped in his upturned palm. I shook my head of the distraction because I had a shining 4.0 GPA to protect, a one-way ticket into the best colleges.

At the sound of the bell, I let out a deep breath while tucking my notes and Changbin’s expensive textbook into my bag. “I’ll see you at lunch, Reynolds,” Changbin said outside the classroom, holding me close for a moment longer than necessary. I waited until he was out of sight before hurrying in the opposite direction.

The front office was busy and I was growing impatient because I only had a ten-minute break before my next class. Still, my curiosity far outweighed the idea of receiving a late notice from my teacher. I was desperate for any information about Jisung, kindly asking the office secretary if she could tell me if Jisung was still enrolled. She offered me a bored nod, searching through the files on her computer while thoroughly testing my patience.

“Jisung is taking the semester off,” the lady informed me. “He’ll be back next term.”

“Really?” I questioned immediately. “Do you know what happened?”

“I can’t give out that information,” the lady said dismissively and I knew when I was pushing my luck.

September

Changbin and I settled into an easy routine. Since basketball had yet to start, the two of us often spent time at his house for hours after school. It was usually with great persuasion that I was able to leave at night because Changbin was growing more and more determined that I should just live with him. But I enjoyed spending time with Changbin even if it meant doing homework while he would (not so subtly) watch me from over the top of his textbook. In any case, I liked what we had together and Changbin was surprisingly nice to be around once he dropped the arrogant facade he insisted on maintaining for our classmates.

“What do you want to do, Reynolds?” Changbin asked me the moment we stepped inside his bedroom.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I have an essay due tomorrow.”

“Ah, that’s right,” Changbin acknowledged, lying across his bed with a sensual stretch.

“Can I borrow your computer?” I asked him shyly because I hated asking Changbin for something like that, but the library was crowded during this time of day.

“Of course,” he nodded, eyes closed as if considering the possibility of falling asleep while I was working.

I switched on his monitor, waiting patiently for the screen to load. Changbin had a really nice computer, equipped with a hard drive that could load dozens of applications with ease. It was fun to multitask when I had the ability right at the touch of my fingertips against the raised keyboard.

I relaxed in his office chair, thinking about the best way to open my assignment, when an obscene moan resounded through the speakers. I was immediately at attention, watching in horror as a scandalous video started to play right in front of my eyes. Almost immediately, Changbin was behind me, muttering a curse as he closed the browser with a resounding click!

We were both silent as I continued to look straight ahead, unable to forget the images I had seen. “Sorry, Reynolds,” Changbin finally apologized, leaning against the side of his desk with obvious shame written across his face.

“It’s okay,” I said, shaking my head. “I’ve just never seen....that.”

“You’ve never watched porn before?” Changbin asked, appearing entirely surprised by such an innocent revelation.

“No,” I said, gaze dropping from his.

“It’s not so bad,” Changbin said and I realized it sounded less defensive and more like someone trying to convince me.

“I mean,” I started, looking for the right thing to say. “I get that a lot of people watch it.”

“Yeah,” Changbin. “You know how we were talking about trying new things, Reynolds?”

I swallowed hard. “I remember.” It was a frequent topic of our summertime conversations.

“Maybe we could watch it together sometime,” he said, sounding more nervous than I was used to hearing from him.

“Really?”

“Only if you want to,” Changbin said. “Just as a next step or whatever.”

Honestly, the idea of watching porn was so incredibly taboo to me that I was surprised I could still form coherent sentences. “Okay.”

Changbin considered me for a moment, eyes searching my own. “Okay.”

October

Basketball workouts had started early this year because my coach was more determined than ever to push our team to the state championships. Apparently, she had a lot of confidence in the new players she had recruited. But whatever the case may be, I was suddenly spending a lot of time in the gym after school, body sore as I forced myself to run an extra mile before it was time to adjourn for the day.

On one such occasion, I was preparing my bag when I noticed that Changbin had entered the gym from the side doors, ignoring the envious stares from my teammates. I could see the perfect shine to his fancy docker-brand shoes in my peripheral vision. “Reynolds,” he said, drawing my attention.

“You stayed late?”

He nodded in response. “My parents are going out of town this weekend.”

“Oh?” I questioned absent-mindedly, zipping my bag closed.

Changbin cleared his throat. “I thought you could come over Friday night to uh-” he broke off as if unable to finish his sentence. I looked up at him, a silent invitation that he should continue. “Maybe try what we talked about before.”

I immediately caught-on to his implication, suddenly feeling far too flushed in the warm gymnasium. “Sure.”

Changbin nodded. “Is that alright?”

“Of course,” I assured him quickly, rising to my feet only to be met by his eyes suddenly very close to mine.

He was looking for something and whatever he found must have satisfied him. He brushed a soft kiss across my lips. “6:00, don’t be late.”

Changbin answered the door far too quickly for my expectations, standing in the entryway looking absolutely handsome wearing jeans and a t-shirt. We both paused, staring at each other for far too long considering how bitterly cold it was outside. “Uh...” I swallowed hard, “can I come in?”

“Right!” Changbin said, stepping back to allow me enough room to squeeze into his house. “We can go upstairs,” Changbin added, reaching for my hand to guide me to his bedroom. His hold was appreciated because my legs were shaking and I felt a few seconds away from passing out against the wall.

“It’s warm,” I remarked, ignoring the obvious way he had set up his room, couch covered with blankets while his laptop was sitting atop the desk.

“Since you’ve never watched before,” Changbin started, getting right down to the matter at hand, “I just picked some of my favorites.”

“Okay,” I said because I didn’t know how else to respond to the idea of Changbin’s favorite porn videos.

“We can sit down,” Changbin said, already half-way to the couch before I could even blink. I followed him slowly, trying to relax against the cushions while he pulled his computer closer, typing in his password before the home screen appeared. “You can...just relax,” Changbin said, pulling up the first tab to a familiar scene and I quickly realized it was the same porn I had accidentally discovered on his computer before.

“Okay,” I managed again, wiping my sweaty palms against my jeans while the video began to play. And I visibly shuddered at the sight of the actors already undressed on-screen, the woman arched dramatically as a male knelt behind her. “This is fast,” I observed, glancing at Changbin briefly only to startle when I realized that he had been looking at me.

He moved away quickly. “It’s good though.”

I didn’t know very much about sex with the exception of the unforgettable health education classes in middle school and my mother’s half-hearted effort of talking me through my first menstrual cycle. Back then, the idea of maturing was especially horrible with the added pain of cramps and bloating. But what I did know, thanks in large part to curious research, was the very basics which quickly manifested themselves on-screen when the male actor started to hammer his cock inside the moaning woman, hips moving at a rapid pace.

Changbin swallowed hard, hand pressing against the hard swell of his obvious erection through his tight jeans. The actress on-screen let out an exaggerated moan and I blushed furiously, squirming next to him on the sofa that suddenly seemed far too small to handle the two of us. It was difficult enough to watch the video without knowing that Changbin, the object of my affections, was also aroused. The same Changbin that I had once dreamt about doing those exact same things to me and the reminder was enough to get my blood pumping, crossing my legs against the sudden heat.

I studied Changbin now, watching the way he pressed down against his cock straining for release. “That looks uncomfortable,” I remarked without much thought, only realizing my words when he met my gaze. His eyes widened slightly when he read my expression and I nodded my consent because I didn’t know what I was doing anymore, but I really liked the way Changbin’s entire body seemed to flush. I watched as Changbin managed to pull his pants down to his thighs, grabbing his cock free from the confines of his underwear, holding it with a tight grip as he fisted the engorged erection. And I couldn’t take my eyes away from the unexpected sight, studying his movements with an unblinking gaze.

“It’s alright you know,” he said in a gruff tone, eyes wandering down to my lower-half. “If you want to do the same.”

I let out a shaky exhale, reaching down for the button on my jeans. What was I even doing? This went beyond everything that was expected of me, but the thought of touching myself was almost too much to resist, especially when Changbin had given me permission. I tucked my pants down to my knees, reaching into my panties because I wasn’t comfortable enough to go any further with an attentive Changbin sitting right next to me.

Meanwhile, Changbin maintained a steady rhythm, fist moving up and down with well-timed movements. His gaze had moved from the screen to where I had tentatively started to slowly rub circles against my clit, head thrown back to remedy the weight of his attention. He released a groan that somehow sounded way better than the practiced sounds of the actors on-screen and I pressed down harder, aching for a release from the built-up tension permeating the space separating us by only a few inches. If I moved just enough, I would be pressed up against him, feeling the way his biceps flexed as his hand moved on his cock.

The video on-screen was close to ending, and I sped up my movements, hearing a low grunt from Changbin who had managed to release sticky white semen across his hand. The visual alone was enough to take my breath away, circling faster until I felt the warning signs of my orgasm, closing my eyes to enjoy the accompanying feeling of divine pleasure from being stimulated just right. And when I reopened my eyes, Changbin was watching me as if he intended to never look away.

November

Changbin and I didn’t really talk about our unexpected pornography session, if that’s what we were to call it, but I had no time to linger on the subject. We were both suddenly busy, seeing less of each other as we both focused on our respective basketball tryouts. Because if there was one thing that Changbin and I shared in common, it was our commitment to the game.

For this reason, I was completely unprepared to see Changbin in the parking lot, leaning against the side of my car. “Fully Licensed now, Reynolds?” he asked me with a smirk.

“Very recently,” I agreed, pausing in front of him. “Your practice ended hours ago.”

“I went out to eat with some friends,” Changbin said. “But I really need to talk to you.”

“Okay,” I said, nodding at him in encouragement.

Changbin sighed heavily. “Tryouts are over this Friday. Wanna come over to celebrate afterward?”

I agreed easily, unaware of the evident tension in Changbin’s shoulders. “That sounds nice.”

“Reynolds,” Changbin hesitated and that was enough to catch my attention. “I want to ask you something.”

“Hmmm?” I encouraged him to continue, puzzling over the indecipherable look in his eyes.

“When you come over...” Changbin started, “maybe we could try getting each other off this time?”

I wasn’t expecting that, feeling my entire body stiffen at his intimate proposal. “Oh....”

“We don’t have to,” Changbin quickly added. “If you aren’t comfortable.”

But he was bad at masking his disappointment which might explain why I was so readily accepting when I nodded my head slowly. “Let’s do it.”

Changbin’s eyes widened, but a smile managed to break free. “Really?”

“You’ve been very patient with me,” I said with a shrug before mustering a look of total determination. “I’m willing to try.”

“You act like I’m asking you to do something impossible,” Changbin teased. “I’d never force you to do anything, Reynolds.”

He was always so earnest, and if we were to talk about things that were impossible, then saying no to Changbin like this was very high on the list. “When can I come over?”

Changbin leaned in closer, cologne heavy against his jacket. “How about now?”

I was a complete mess, moving constantly on Changbin’s bed while my boyfriend did his best to make me feel more comfortable. He brought me a glass of water at my insistence and even a plate of snacks that his mother had prepared. My fingers curled tightly around the glass while I reached for a handful of the little sandwiches that reminded me distantly of a fancy dinner show scene from a television series. It was a nice distraction until Changbin pulled his shirt off, messing around with his speaker to start playing music in the background. “It’s hot in here,” he offered in explanation and I merely nodded as I forced even more food into my already stuffed mouth.

“Do you have any homework?” I asked, trying to make conversation despite how obvious it was that Changbin was not interested in school, dropping a container of lotion onto the bed next to me.

“Not really,” he said.

“Essays,” I whispered, trying not to stare at his exposed chest.

Finally, Changbin joined me on the bed, tucking away our snack try on the floor before stretching out his limbs in a way that had me almost choking on my water. “Come here, Reynolds,” Changbin grumbled, and I let out a rather unattractive squeak when Changbin planted me on his lap, pressing our foreheads together. “This is better, right?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I agreed, holding tight to his broad shoulders for stability.

Changbin reached down, thumbing across his belt. “Are you okay?”

“Mhmm,” I nodded, watching as he carefully undid the intricate clasp of his belt buckle, unzipping his pants before letting out a sigh. It only served to heighten my awareness, hands moving across the smooth, muscled skin of his upper body. He was quiet for a moment and I realized that he was waiting for me, eyes focused from beneath a curtain of brown hair. “I’m not sure what to do,” I told him honestly.

“You’re doing fine,” he said with a gentle kiss that was obviously meant to serve as reassurance, especially once his fingers made quick work of the button and zipper attached to my own jeans.

“Changbin,” I said, closing my eyes as I helped him pull down the waistband, grabbing onto him tightly as I carefully maneuvered out of my jeans, leaving me feeling far too exposed for my personal comfort.

“Relax,” he whispered, raining soft kisses across my lips while his fingers smoothed down my sides. “This is your pace.”

I nodded furiously, forcing myself to open my eyes when I felt his fingers latch onto my panties, tugging them down my legs with slow and practiced movements. A whine was muffled against his neck to hide my embarrassment, especially when his hands grabbed my ass to pull me closer. “It’s okay,” I said when I felt him pause, waiting for my permission to continue.

“So beautiful,” he said, fingers delicately parting the folds of my throbbing sex, thumb offering a tentative stroke across the pleasurable organ.

“What about you?” I spoke into his skin.

“Watch,” he replied, using his free hand to direct my chin. I obeyed his request, keeping my eyes open when he reached into his underwear to pull his cock free from its confines, fully erect in his hand.

He tucked the waistband of his boxer short beneath him, stroking up and down in rapid succession. “But you’ve seen it before,” he teased, noticing the vibrant blush painting my skin.

“It’s different,” I said.

He nodded in understanding, jolting me in surprise when his thumb began its slow circles around my clit. “I’ll take care of you, Reynolds,” he said, allowing me to tuck my head back in against his shoulder.

“So good,” I made sure to tell him, releasing shallow pants as I fought to control myself, focusing on the rough force of his thumb moving harshly against my throbbing sex. Occasionally, he rutted against me, reminding me that his cock stood waiting for attention, red and furious against his smooth stomach. I held my breath as I reached down to gingerly touch my fingers against the curious bead of white collecting at the slit of his cock. Changbin let out a harsh gasp, stilling my movements as his free hand came down to take a firm hold of mine, manipulating my fingers to spread out across his erection, directing them into a position he clearly liked if the ragged moan he let out was any indication. “Do it like this,” he said with a husky tone, moving the hand that now fisted his cock in delicate strokes along the full expanse of his throbbing organ.

“Does it feel good?” I asked shyly, enamored by the gorgeous flush to his cheeks, the beautiful sweep of his bangs stuck against his forehead.

“It does,” he stuttered, obviously fighting to hold back as he continued to pleasure me in return. “Are you close?”

“I think so,” I exhaled, feeling the familiar symptoms of my impending orgasm take complete control over every rational thought raging through my head as I tried to keep a mental image of this Changbin permanently stored away.

“I want you to cum first,” he practically begged, looking at me with so much affection that I could barely breathe.

I leaned into him more, encouraging his practiced movements as I allowed my hips to tentatively thrust in time to his strokes. Everything was hot and wet, an intimate exchange of precious oxygen as we both struggled to keep ourselves together. “I’m here,” I tried to convey, grasping tightly to the short locks at the back of his neck, fingernails digging in slightly as I rode out my orgasm with a barely restrained moan. My head fell against his broad shoulders, hand still worshipping his erection until I felt his entire body tremble against mine, something thick and warm leaking around my hand.

December

Changbin was absent from school the following Monday to visit a college with his family. But I took advantage of the unexpected opportunity, confronting Felix because he was close friends with Changbin. If anyone could be considered a reliable friend, then it would definitely be Lee Felix. But that still didn’t prepare me for the nonchalant way he regarded my question. “So what?” Felix rolled his eyes with a dramatic flourish. “You jerked him off, is that really a big deal?”

I blinked rapidly, surprised Felix was treating it so carelessly. “I’ve never done anything like that before.”

“Good, that means the awkward part is over,” Felix said with a wink. “Now, you can do fun stuff.”

“Fun stuff?”

“Like actually fucking,” Felix said and his blunt honesty nearly had me choking.

“This isn’t what I meant by advice.”

Felix shrugged. “Most kids our age have already done way worse.”

“I guess that’s true,” I acknowledged, briefly considering the possibility that maybe I was overreacting. “When should we...you know...”

“Fuck?”

“Don’t say it out loud!” I whined, checking over both my shoulders to make sure nobody had overheard the two of us.

“Christmas break is coming up,” Felix said, pushing his lunch tray aside. “Why don’t you plan for something then?”

“Me?” I asked with a squeak. “How can I plan for something like that! I have no experience.”

“Well, Changbin insists on taking things slow,” Felix explained. “Which means only you have the ability to take your relationship to...that level.”

“What would I even do?” I asked.

“Don’t worry,” Felix said with a smirk. “I can always help you plan.”

I grimaced at the idea. “Isn’t that too personal?”

“Changbin is one of my best friends,” Felix said. “You have nothing to worry about, Kayda. Just listen to me and everything will work out the way it’s supposed to.”

“Felix,” I said. “How do I even bring something like that up? When would I have the opportunity?”

“Bringing it up is easier than you think,” Felix said. “You just need to be more confident when you talk about those things. As for the right opportunity...” Felix trailed off as his eyes landed on my cell phone. “Come outside with me.”

“What for” I grumbled, but still obediently followed Felix into the picnic area next to the main parking lot. Felix was engrossed in his own phone, barely paying me any attention until he suddenly paused next to the fence.

“Okay,” Felix said with a smug smile. “Any moment now.”

I frowned, waiting for further explanation until the ringing of my phone disrupted our conversation. “Hold on,” I said, holding up the screen so that he could clearly see Changbin’s contact name.

“Perfect,” he whispered. “Answer it!”

I gave him a wary look but accepted the incoming call. “Hello?”

“Reynolds,” Changbin said. “I have a proposition for you.”

My entire face heated as I immediately misinterpreted his implications. “Wh-what?”

“My parents invited you over for Christmas eve,” Changbin said. “We always have dinner with our family.”

I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized Changbin wasn’t asking for anything too intimate, especially considering the last time I stayed at his house. But then, I immediately tensed when his request was fully processed in my head. His family? The idea of meeting another Seo was incredibly intimidating and I rightfully panicked as I put my hand over the receiver to explain the situation to Felix.

“Your opportunity,” Felix whispered.

“But...it’s his family...”

“Yeah, but you can put my plan into action,” Felix said.

“You already have a plan?”

“I told you I would help.”

I was still hesitant when I told Changbin that I was fine with meeting his family. I was putting my trust in Felix who had proven to be a reliable source thus far during the short amount of time that I had known him. Meanwhile, Changbin’s resounding excitement was palpable, but Felix's accompanying look of mischief certainly did no favors to the steady thrumming of my heart.

Changbin’s house looked like an extravagant affair straight out of the Great Gatsby and I was Nick Carraway driving up in my shitty car that easily paled in comparison to some of the sports cars lining the driveway. There were people everywhere, standing outside in social circles while chattering with glasses of expensive wine, spilling out the front door with their gorgeous dresses and handsome suits. I already felt out of place and I still hadn’t killed the ignition.

I immediately pulled out my phone, pulling up Changbin’s name before bringing the device against my ear. “Reynolds?” he answered from the other end.

“Uh...” I cleared my throat anxiously. “I’m here.”

Changbin snickered. “Okay? I’ll meet you out on the front porch.”

He hung up without another word even though I was only seconds from begging him to find a way to sneak me in through the back entrance. Instead, I tried for a deep breath, checking my hair briefly in the reflection of the rearview mirror. “Hello,” I bowed to a woman who had pulled in behind me. She blinked twice before turning away without any further acknowledgment. “Perfect,” I grumbled because it was exactly what I was expecting.

Nevertheless, I found the courage to navigate the crowd of guests to stand awkwardly on the porch by myself. At least, for the most part, Changbin’s family and friends were more content to ignore me. This was certainly fine by me because I definitely didn’t want the additional attention. “Where is he?” I sighed, standing on my toes to look for Changbin over the towering stances of the rich assholes who were intent on blocking my view. Finally, I spotted Changbin from the doorway, nodding politely at the people who stopped to speak to him.

Changbin’s familiar smile eased my nerves as he eventually made a path to greet me properly. “Oh, wow, Reynolds,” Changbin said, eyeing me up and down as I stood on his front porch.

“It’s weird isn’t it?” I asked, fidgeting with the hem of the dress that Felix insisted I wear to the dinner.

“No,” Changbin immediately protested, reaching for my hand to pull me inside. “I like it.”

“Thank you,” I murmured quietly, suddenly all too aware of the sounds of intermingling voices emerging from the living room.

“I want you to meet my mother,” Changbin said, grip unwavering as we entered the maze of well-dressed faces conversing over wine and tasty finger foods being passed around on serving trays.

“Your mom?” I spluttered, wishing I had the strength to pull away from Changbin and hurry back outside where I the guests had the decency to simply ignore my presence.

“She’s been asking about you,” Changbin said. “I think she’s curious.”

“Really?”

“Of course,” he said with a smile. “You’re my girlfriend.”

“Uh-huh,” I agreed, easily recognizing Changbin’s parents standing together near the fireplace. After all, these were the same people who I had unfortunately met when Changbin had rear-ended my car Freshman year which suddenly seemed like an entire lifetime ago.

“Changbin,” an elderly woman screeched, holding out her arms in a friendly demeanor. “I haven’t seen you in ages!”

“Since Thanksgiving,” Changbin gruffed, but still allowed the woman to squeeze the life out of him as if he was used to the treatment.

“And this must be Kayda!” the woman said, finding my eyes from over Changbin’s shoulder. “How are you, young lady?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” I said shakily, glaring at Changbin who was clearly mocking my stuttered response.

“Don’t be nervous,” the woman said, pulling me closer by my arm. “Changbin talks about you all the time.”

“He does?” I questioned, studying the boy in question who was now talking to his father, hands tucked away in his pockets.

“My grandson tells me that you play basketball too,” the woman grinned. “And that you’re very smart.”

I blushed at the compliment. “I try my best.”

“She’s a genius,” Changbin suddenly declared, tossing an arm around my shoulder.

“So we’ve heard,” Changbin’s mother said and I felt myself subconsciously straighten my posture.

“We didn’t meet on the best of terms,” his father reminded me and I winced as I recalled the accident as if it had just happened yesterday.

“I’m good friends with some of your teachers,” his mom said. “They’ve mentioned you before. I can only assume that you’re much brighter than you like to give yourself credit for.”

“Ah,” I laughed, pressing myself even closer to Changbin’s side because I was entirely dependent on his strength at that point. “It comes naturally.”

“If only Changbin could share your passion,” his mother sighed. “All he wants to do is play basketball.”

“Well, when it earns him a scholarship,” his father added and I could clearly see how proud he was of his son’s accomplishments.

“Are you hungry, Kayda?”

“Maybe a little.”

Changbin’s mother smiled. “Binnie, take Kayda to the kitchens. We can talk later.”

Changbin’s arm was a helpful guide, pulling me along as I waved to his family members. I only glanced away once I realized we were moving upstairs. “Where are we going?”

“Do you want to go to my room?” Changbin asked and I immediately nodded my head. Changbin smiled, reaching for my hand before graciously excusing us from the crowded room of his relatives. It hadn’t been so bad, but I was still worried about embarrassing myself in front of the same people who controlled one of the country’s biggest enterprises.

Changbin’s room was a quiet sanctuary, and I made myself comfortable on his bed while he messed with the elaborate sound system connected to the generous speakers. Music began to fill the room, distracting me from the party still progressing downstairs. It was something familiar that Changbin liked, but I was too distracted to recall the name of the artist he deeply admired.

“What do you want to do, Reynolds?” Changbin asked as he joined me on the bed. I recalled my conversation with Felix from school, reminding me that this would be the perfect opportunity to explore his suggestion. Changbin must have noticed the way I nervously drew my lower lip between my teeth, catching me around my waist to pull me down on top of him. “Do you have something to tell me?”

“I want to try something,” I admitted nervously, looking down at Changbin lying pliantly beneath me on the bed.

“Yeah,” Changbin nodded. “Whatever you want, Reynolds.”

It was always so easy with him, but I still struggled to convey my expectations. I remembered Felix’s words, reaching down to run my hand down the front of his dress pants. Changbin’s eyes widened in surprise, reaching out to capture my wrist. “What are you doing?”

“Whatever I want,” I reminded him and he scoffed at my cheeky attitude.

“You know what I meant, Reynolds.”

“It’s no big deal,” I lied, and Changbin was quick to read through the fabrication, sitting up despite my faint protests.

“What’s going on with you, Reynolds? You know you can be honest with me.”

“I know,” I started, flustered beyond belief with the way he was looking at me. “I talked to Felix the other day...”

“Ah,” Changbin interrupted. “You don’t have to listen to him. He always thinks he knows everything.”

“But I liked what he said,” I insisted. “I want to try it.”

“Try what exactly.”

The words were still embarrassing even in my head so I whispered them into Changbin’s ears. Immediately, my boyfriend’s mouth dropped open in shock. “He said that?”

“As a suggestion,” I said, fidgeting nervously because of his reaction.

“You don’t have to, Reynolds,” Changbin said, delicately using one finger to lift up my chin. His gaze was sincere.

“I know,” I nodded solemnly. “It might be...interesting?”

Changbin chuckled at my choice of words, deft fingers already working apart the button and zipper on his dress pants. “We’ll see if you think it’s really interesting,” he said, pulling both his pants and boxers down to his ankles before allowing them both to fall into the floor.

“I want to,” I insisted, looking down at his exposed cock.

“I’ll help you,” Changbin said. “But it might be easier if I was on the edge.”

I nodded frantically, moving into the floor while Changbin made himself comfortable, fisting his cock as he parted his thighs. “How should I start?” I asked him.

“You can just try the tip?” he said, clearing his throat when I abruptly leaned in closer, opening my mouth to wrap my lips around the stream of pre-cum steadily leaking from his slit. “Woah,” he gasped, both hands grabbing my hair tightly. “Easy.”

I ignored his warning, taking in more of his impressive girth, tongue exploring the taste of him. It wasn’t bad, but I certainly wouldn’t declare it as one of my favorite moments with Changbin. My inexperience was obvious, saliva dripping from my lips, focusing on breathing in through my nose since it was proving difficult with his cock in my mouth.

“Shit, Reynolds,” Changbin moaned and the sound almost made up for the bitter taste coating my lips. “You won’t hurt me,” he added, almost as an afterthought. “Just-just don’t use your teeth.”

I heeded his warning, but it forced me to hollow my cheeks. However, that seemed to only please Changbin whose hips stuttered in place, fingers providing an unforgiving hold on my scalp. I moved my head up and down his cock, listening to the advice he offered and trying to ignore the light-headedness that warned me that I desperately needed to breathe. I pulled off for a moment, inhaling fresh oxygen while Changbin maintained his hold, barely allowing me time to recover before he was encouraging me to swallow him again. Testing my limits as my nose brushed against his pubic bone, but it was far too much and jerked back in surprise when I felt him at the back of my throat. “Be careful,” Changbin said, sounding like he was completely out of breath despite the fact that I was doing most of the work. Still, it made me feel almost proud of myself to be affecting him so much, especially when I was the one who lacked experience. “I’m close,” he said. “Trust me when I tell you that you don’t want to swallow.”

I heeded his warning, pulling back from his cock to take in heavy breaths while Changbin reached behind him for a tissue, wrapping it around his erection before jerking himself to completion. Afterward, the two of us could do nothing but stare at one another in obvious wonder at the new discovery we had just made together. Breathing hard as the music continued to play in the background.

January

“My mother asked about you,” Changbin said with a grin. “You made a strong impression.”

The two of us were currently driving my car to the mechanic shop, an extra layer of jackets to compensate for my broken heating. “I did my best,” I said, adjusting my sunglasses slipping down the brim of my nose. “Everyone was intimidating.”

“That’s just because you let them intimidate you,” Changbin said, reaching for my hand across the console. “You never had anything to worry about.”

“Easy for you to say,” I retorted. “You’ve been living with them for your entire life.”

Changbin laughed. “Okay, but I would be a good judge of character. Trust me, you were the star of the party.”

“Against Seo Changbin?” I gasped. “The most heavily recruited point guard in the state?”

“My accolades paled in comparison to you,” Changbin said. “My parents were thrilled when I told them what your GPA is.”

“Well, I guess that gives me more motivation to study,” I said, pulling into the empty parking lot of the mechanic shop.

“You can study with me,” Changbin pouted and I resisted the urge to lean over and kiss him when he looked so adorable.

“Let’s go inside,” I said, ignoring his question in exchange for the quaint little store attached to the mechanic’s garage. Inside, I found an immediate contradiction between my boyfriend and the shop that had been around since my dad was a kid. It was almost comical, how much of an outsider Changbin looked in the moldy shop, Gucci-toed boots scuffing against the linoleum floor in clear disparity.

“This is the place?” Changbin asked me.

“We’ve gone here for years,” I said, walking up to the bored, middle-aged mechanic slowly flipping through a magazine.

“Name?” he asked in a monotone voice.

“Kayda Reynolds,” I said. “I made an appointment online.”

The mechanic sighed, reaching for the faded keyboard attached to the computer monitor that belonged exclusively to the 90s. “You’ll have to redo the form,” the mechanic said, irritation leaking from his tone. “Most of the information is incorrect.”

“I’m sorry,” I quickly apologized. “Is there a way to do it here?”

“We don’t keep forms in the office,” the mechanic dismissed me quickly, returning his attention to his magazine.

I was more than ready to head back home, deciding that my father would probably have more luck than me when it came to these things. But when I reached down for Changbin’s hand, I noticed that my boyfriend was glaring at the mechanic. “You have a customer here who needs work done. Why the hell does it matter if the form is wrong?”

“We require the information on the form for all appointments,” the mechanic said. “It’s written at the very bottom of the screen.”

“Yeah? Well, maybe you could still work on the car and she can send you the form later.”

“Changbin,” I said, tugging on his jacket sleeve. “Let’s just go.”

“How the hell do you even stay in business if you won’t work on the cars from paying customers?”

“Sir,” the mechanic rolled his eyes, “your girlfriend filed the report, not us. It’s not the shop’s fault if she can’t read the fine print.”

“Say another word and I’ll make sure you wake up in a hospital.”

“Changbin!”

I practically drug the incensed boy outside the body shop, planting my hands on my hips as I fixed him with a reprimanding look. “You can’t say that!”

Changbin glared in the direction of the shop entrance. “Those assholes shouldn’t be allowed to treat you that way. I told you to go to my guy.”

“I can’t afford that place,” I retorted.

“I’ll pay for it,” Changbin declared. “Hell, I can buy you a better car, Reynolds.”

“Changbin,” I sighed, “you can’t just buy me things like that.”

“Why not?” he asked, perfectly earnest as he appraised me.

“Because I don’t want you to,” I said. “This isn’t even a big deal, I’ll just have my dad take care of it instead.”

“Reynolds,” Changnin glowered. “They shouldn’t talk to you that way. I wouldn’t give them another cent of your money.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “Why are you so mad? I don’t even care about them. They always act that way, but they do decent work at cheap prices.”

“I’m mad because they disrespected you,” Changbin said. “Right in front of me! Next time, I’m taking you to my guy and I don’t want to hear anything about money.”

I was surprised by how upset Changbin was, so I quickly agreed with his request because I didn’t want to ignite his anger any further. Of course, I knew that my father could handle any future problems, but Changbin didn’t need to know that. Because he had finally allowed me to take his hand, slowly leading him back to my car.

Jisung returned to school for the beginning of the spring semester. I saw him in the parking lot, grabbing his bag from the passenger seat of his car. My first instinct was to call out his name and run across the parking lot like a scene from a melodrama to demand one of his familiar hugs. But I knew we stood on shaky ground, and I could only watch from afar as he walked by himself to the school’s main entrance.

I needed to figure out a plan to confront him because I was feeling increasingly desperate the longer I was forced to pretend like Jisung and I were just simple acquaintances. What happened to our vacation together during Christmas last year? With the exception of our shared kiss, I had never felt closer to Jisung, sharing intimate secrets and desires by the warm fire of his family cabin. But instead of growing our friendship, I could feel us moving apart in entirely different directions and it was nothing short of painful to watch Jisung ignore me.

What could I do to convince him? I wondered to myself, ignorant of my boyfriend’s impending approach until his arms were wrapped around my waist. “Reynolds,” he said, offering me a chaste kiss. “What are you doing?”

“Freezing,” I replied, deciding not to share Jisung’s return with Changbin. “Did you finish your math assignment?”

Changbin’s apparent look of guilt told me everything I needed to know. “We had lat practice,” he reminded me, but I was having none of his potential justifications.

“You promised,” I said, fixing him with a stern glare.

“It’s my last class of the day,” Changbin pouted. “Will you help me at lunch?”

I hesitated because I had planned to confront Jisung at lunch, but I suppose it was better to figure out what exactly I needed to say to him first. “Okay,” I said, groaning when Changbin pulled me against his side. “But you need to focus! You won’t be able to play in any more basketball games if your grades slip.”

Changbin sighed as if he had heard the same lecture before. “Look, I promise that I’ll do better.”

“For me?” I tried again.

“For you,” Changbin agreed. “Just as long as I get my reward later.”

I blushed at his tone. “As long as you behave.”

But Changbin was clearly pleased with how flustered I was, smirking in that familiar self-satisfied manner. “See? A compromise.”

I bit my tongue to hold back a sharp retort considering that Changbin probably had greatly misinterpreted what a compromise really entailed. But my boyfriend was in a good mood and he started chattering away about a tournament his team was participating in that weekend. Meanwhile, I was consumed with thoughts of Jisung, determined to restore our friendship.

February

I would never consider myself a courageous person, but right now, setting my tray down across from Jisung’s, I felt just like an action hero. “Jisung,” I said quietly, shivering when we finally made eye contact. “You don’t mind, do you?” For a moment, I briefly entertained the possibility of Jisung asking me to leave, but I was willing to accept the potential risks. Because this was Jisung and I desperately wanted him to be a part of my life again. “Sungie.”

He glanced up at the nickname, expression blank. “Did you need something?”

I bit my lower lip because it was clear that Jisung wasn’t going to make this any easier on me. “I just wanted to make sure that you were okay.”

“I’m fine,” he said dismissively.

“Jisung, I don’t understand what I did wrong,” I said. “Tell me what’s wrong. I’ll do anything to make up for it.”

Jisung returned his attention to his tray. “What are you talking about?”

“You’ve been ignoring me,” I said, swallowing down a whine. “I’ve been sending you messages.”

“I got them,” he said shortly. “I don’t know if you even realized, but I took last semester off.”

“Of course I noticed,” I said, offended that he would insinuate otherwise. “That’s why I was so worried. Ever since I started dating Changbin...”

Jisung stiffened at the mention of my boyfriend and suddenly everything clicked into place. “Are you mad that I’m dating Changbin?”

Jisung cleared his throat. “I don’t care who you date, Kayda.”

“Don’t do that,” I said sternly. “I don’t want you to pretend like you don’t care.”

“What exactly do you want from me?” Jisung bit out harshly, pupils blown wide with his anger.

I wilted under that rage, folding my hands together in my lap. “This is hurting me, Jisung. I just want my friend back.”

“You hurt me just as much,” Jisung retorted, sliding his lunch tray out of the way as he glared at me. “I really liked you, Kayda, and you just pushed me away. Now, when it’s more convenient for you, I get an apology?”

He was right, and I struggled for something to say. “Jisung,” I finally sighed. “I know you’re right. Look, I’m really bad when it comes to apologies. I can never figure out the right thing to say, but I care about you a lot and if I did anything to make you think otherwise, then I want to try and make things better.”

“It’s not so simple,” Jisung said, but his expression had softened. “After the kiss, I thought we might have something more than just friendship, but you insisted that day...” Jisung broke off, appearing conflicted as he shook his head. “Things got worse with mom and then she passed away over the summer. I was forced to take the semester off and I had to do it without you.”

I’m sure the tears in my eyes matched the steady waterworks filling the corners of Jisung’s beautiful eyes. “Jisung,” I managed softly. “I’m sorry things broke down between us because I would have been there for you over the summer. In fact, I’ll probably regret this for the rest of my life.”

Jisung tersely wiped away a stray tear, blinking rapidly as he struggled to compose himself. “It’s done, Kayda. There’s nothing left to regret.”

“Of course there is,” I said, reaching across the table for his hand. I let out a sigh of relief when he didn’t pull away. “I miss you a lot, Jisung. You’re very important to me and I’d really like it if we could still be friends.”

Jisung took a long time to respond and I allowed him every second to think because I was determined to win back his trust. Finally, after an excruciatingly long pause, Jisung managed a slow nod. “I miss you too, Kayda.”

I offered him a warm smile, curling my fingers through his own. “You want to come over after school?”

He nodded again, soft eyes meeting mine from across the table. “I’m willing to try again for you.”

Jisung and I started to spend time together on the weekends, driving together through the countryside or reclaiming our former spot in my backyard tucked away beneath the trees. We talked a lot about Jisung’s mother and it was reassuring that Jisung appeared to be, for the most part, at peace with her passing. He was still obviously sad, speaking in a whispered tone when he talked about how hard it was to accept.

“I should’ve been there for you,” I said.

Jisung shook his head. “You’re here now and that’s all that matters.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath because it felt like everything was starting to return to normal. “What are you doing this weekend?”

“I don’t know,” Jisung said. “I might need a suit rental.”

“Why?”

“Prom is coming up,” Jisung said. “Even if nobody asks me to go, I still can’t miss out on my senior year.”

I shrugged indifferently. “I don’t care about prom.”

Jisung chuckled. “Yeah, but your boyfriend might.”

“I feel like Changbin could care less about a stupid dance,” I said.

Of course, only in hindsight can I look back on my words and regret them because the very next day at school, Changbin approached me in the parking lot with his hands behind his back. “Reynolds,” he said. “Guess what?”

“Hmmm?” I acknowledged, busy shuffling through the notes I was planning to lend to a teammate.

“Hey, look at me,” he insisted softly.

I entertained his request. “I feel like you’re planning something elaborate.”

“Maybe,” he giggled and I narrowed my eyes because Changbin only ever got this way if he was feeling particularly mischievous.

“What did you do?”

He brought both hands forward, holding an impressive bouquet of flowers between his hands. “Reynolds,” Changbin smiled, extending the flowers in my direction. “You should go to prom with me.”

I took the flowers since he was practically shoving them at my face. “Prom?”

“Yes,” Changbin agreed with a nod. “We have a lot to plan. What do you think about matching colors?”

I laughed at his enthusiasm. “Plan? Changbin, I don’t really want to go to prom.”

His smile vanished in an instant. “What?”

“I’m not that interested,” I shrugged, opening the door to my car before carefully laying the bouquet across the front seat. “You can always ask somebody else.”

Changbin was quiet for far longer than I was used to, but the way his jaw clenched spoke louder than words. “That’s fine, Kayda,” he said, shaking his head as he took a step back. “I don’t care.”

“Binnie,” I tried, reaching out for his hand but Changbin just ignored my attempts to pacify his anger, shoving his hands into his pockets before turning his back on me.

March

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

I glanced up at Felix in surprise. “Huh?”

“Why aren’t you going with Changbin to prom?” he demanded, foot tapping against the floor impatiently.

“What’s the big deal with all of you?” I grumbled. “I didn’t want to go to prom in the first place.”

“Kayda,” Felix groaned as if I physically exasperated him. “Of course it’s a big deal! You don’t understand how important this is to Changbin.”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s just a stupid dance.”

Felix gasped. “The audacity!”

“Felix, I’m not in the mood for a lecture, okay? I’m telling you that it’s not a big deal.”

“Alright,” Felix sighed, disregarding all formalities as he sat down next to me. “I guess you need a reminder.”

“Reminder?” I repeated, already tired of the conversation.

“Do you know how hard it was to get the two of you together in the first place?” Felix asked. “Impossible.”

“We’re together now, aren’t we?”

“Exactly! And you’re clearly oblivious to just how proud that makes Changbin.”

“I wasn’t aware you were a therapist,” I said, narrowing my eyes. “I’m trying to eat in peace.”

“Kayda,” Felix said. “Listen to me, Changbin has wanted you for a very long time. And now that you two are dating, he wants to do everything that normal couples do, and that includes going to prom together. Don’t you know how ridiculous it looks for the school’s basketball star to miss out on prom!”

“I doubt Changbin cares about that,” I scoffed.

“But he does care about you, and in his mind this is like the perfect opportunity to show you off to everyone,” Felix said. “Prom has always been important to Changbin, and he was so excited to ask you to go with him.”

“Are you trying to make me feel guilty?” I grumbled, jerking my gaze free from the intensity of Felix’s scowl.

“No, I’m just trying to help my friend. I didn’t know that would mean reminding his girlfriend that he had feelings too.”

“That’s enough, Felix,” I snapped, pushing my chair back as I stood up from the table. “I don’t have to take this.”

I was a storm of rage on the inside, seeing nothing but red, when a familiar voice sternly brought me back to Earth. “What’s going on over here?”

Jisung was standing at the end of the table, glancing back and forth between Felix and me. “Nothing,” I grumbled, grabbing my tray and brushing past Jisung without another word.

But Jisung followed me regardless, catching up to me in the hallway after I deposited my tray at the counter. “Kayda,” he said, grabbing my arm to force me to stop walking.

“What?” I said, spinning around with my arms crossed over my chest.

“Why are you yelling at Felix?” he asked. “What’s going on?”

I sighed because it felt like everyone was trying to worm their way into my private life. “It’s just something with Changbin.”

“The thing with prom?” he asked.

“How did you know?”

“Everyone knows,” Jisung admitted. “I guess it’s like a big deal or something.”

“Felix told me that I made a mistake,” I said. “But it’s my life and he has no right to interfere.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Jisung shrugged. “I saw Changbin yesterday in the parking lot. He looked pretty upset, and you weren’t glued to his side like usual...” Jisung trailed off as if waiting for me to fill in the gaps, but I determined not to give in this time. “Alright, look Kayda, I know what happened with Changbin, and I guess you’re probably tired of hearing about it.”

“Exactly!” I sharply retorted.

“Okay, but can you at least tell me why you turned him down? Do you really hate the idea of going to prom that much?”

“It’s not that I hate it,” I sighed. “I just don’t get why it’s such a big deal. I would honestly rather stay at home.”

“Even if it hurts his feelings?”

“So now you’re against me too?”

“No, no,” Jisung said, waving his hands around frantically. “That’s not what I meant at all, I just think you should consider that it might mean something to Changbin, even if it really doesn’t matter to you. Yeah, you might not like the idea of going, but it’s obvious that it means a lot to him. Maybe you should think about it that way instead of everyone turning against you.”

I froze upon hearing Jisung’s blunt honesty. “But now it’s like a whole thing and I don’t understand what’s wrong with everybody!”

“Well, if I know Kayda Reynolds, then I can only assume that this probably has a lot more to do with you being stubborn as opposed to refusing to give in to peer pressure or whatever you’re thinking.”

I considered his words, shoulders falling as I realized that Jisung was right. “I’m just tired of being told what to do.”

“I get that, but this involves more than just your feelings, okay?”

I hated that he was actually making a lot of sense. “So what should I do now?”

Jisung smirked, wordlessly pulling out his cellphone. “How do you feel about dress shopping?”

I pulled up outside of Changbin’s house, smoothing down my dress while trying not to trip on my heels as I walked to his front door. “Deep breaths, Kayda,” I encouraged myself, reaching out for the doorbell as I waited patiently on the outside porch.

I hesitated when the door finally opened revealing Changbin standing on the other side. “Reynolds?” Changbin immediately questioned me.

“Get dressed,” I said, glancing at the time on my phone. “We can still make it on time.”

Changbin didn’t move from his spot in the doorway. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Prom,” I groaned. “It starts in an hour.”

Changbin took a step back, clearly reeling from the encounter. “You want to go to Prom? I thought you insisted otherwise,” he said with a bitter tone.

“I’m sorry, Changbin,” I said, looking down at the sharp point of my shoes. “I didn’t realize how important it was to you.”

Changbin was silent for a moment. “So you just decided to show up here without calling me first?”

“I thought it would be better to surprise you,” I told him honestly, finally mustering the courage to meet his gaze. “If you still want to go. I’d totally get it if you, like, shut the door in my face or something because I probably deserve it after the way I treated you.”

Changbin’s gaze softened. “I’m not going to do that, Reynolds.” He sighed as he seemed to consider my proposal. “Give me twenty minutes.”

“I’ll be in the car,” I told him excitedly, thrilled that Changbin had opened up to my proposal. The next time I saw Jisung and Felix, I owed them a thorough extension of my gratitude.

“You’re driving?” Changbin scoffed. “That wouldn’t have been my plan, but I kinda like it when you take control.”

“Well, hurry up,” I said. “We don’t have all night.”

“Says the person who gave me no time to get ready,” Changbin said, but his smile seemed to suggest otherwise.

“I prepared nice transportation for you,” I said while retreating down the stairs. “My dad’s car actually has heat.”

Changbin laughed. “Stop distracting me, Reynolds. I thought we were on a time constraint.”

“We are,” I said, reaching into my pocket for the keys. “I’m giving you time while I try to make things as glamorous as you always imagined them.”

Changbin didn’t say anything, far too busy leaving the front door wide open while he rushed to change his clothes. Meanwhile, I was ensuring that everything was ready, switching the music to his favorite genre and reaching down for the messy boutonniere that Felix insisted was mandatory. As Changbin had desired, I made sure that my corsage matched in color, even going out of my way to splurge on a ridiculous clip to wear in my hair.

Jisung and Felix were both adamant that they help me plan for the occasion, and despite their annoying habits of perfection, I knew everything would only prove to benefit my night with Changbin. Even I threw away my usual inhibitions, spending more money on my prom dress than I would usually allow, especially since I was only going to wear it for this one occasion. I grinned as I thought about Changbin’s reaction. He would be the first to tell me that the money meant nothing because it was okay to indulge when the occasion was just right. Changbin always had that ridiculous sense of self-confidence that at one time might have infuriated me, but now I only saw it as another aspect of his character which I was unwittingly falling for with each passing day.

“Ready, Reynolds?” Changbin asked with barely concealed enthusiasm, fussing with his hair in the rearview mirror.

“Hey, you look fine,” I insisted, swiping his hand away before throwing the car into drive.

Prom might be a time-honored tradition, but that didn’t equate to the formalities that most people expected. In fact, the minute we walked through the door, I was greeted with the sound of some over-played pop song and a mirage of teenagers abandoning their high heels just so that they could grind on their partners. Well, I shouldn’t have anticipated anything different when it came to my fellow classmates. But this night was about Changbin, and I allowed him to drag me from couple to couple, talking with his teammates while I tolerated the envious glares sent in my direction from the masses of Changbin’s admirers. “Here,” Changbin said, handing me a plastic flute of punch. I took it gratefully, savoring the cool taste of the liquid as it soothed my hoarse throat. “Should we sit down?” Changbin asked and I nodded in agreement.

The two of us had been talking for hours, flitting from one person to the next like the social butterfly Changbin liked to be. We met Felix on the edge of the dancefloor, forcing him to take a break from what might have amounted to a stroke if the younger continued his dalliances. Felix was practically drenched in sweat, eyes wide with adrenaline. “Are you having fun?” Felix yelled at us with an unnecessarily loud tone.

Next, we found Minho and Hyunjin surrounded by a group of younger Freshman girls, soaking up the attention with smug expressions. “Laura,” Minho listed off, pointing to each girl in succession. “Katie, Amanda, Lisa...Amy?”

Finally, I convinced Changbin to give me a moment with Jisung. “Did you come alone?” I asked him.

“I came with a few other guys,” Jisung sighed. “But I think they abandoned me.”

“Poor baby,” I said, unable to resist squishing his cheeks between my hands.

“It’s fine,” Jisung whined, but I could tell he liked the attention. “Where’s your boyfriend?”

“He went to find us a drink,” I said, scanning the perimeter of the room. “Is it fun yet?”

“It’s alright,” Jisung shrugged. “But I think you might’ve been right about prom all along.”

I shrugged. “What can I say? If you go to one dance, you’ve been to them all.”

“I thought it might be different,” Jisung said. “Since the school actually paid for the caterer.”

“And the food?”

“Kinda gross.”

I laughed at his observation as Changbin joined the two of us with a drink in each hand. “Hi,” I grinned, leaning against his side.

Changbin leaned down to brush his lips across my forehead before offering Jisung a courteous nod. “How’s your night?”

“Interesting,” Jisung said. “I’ll see you two later.”

Which brings me to the present, perched neatly in Changbin’s lap while we took a break from the commotion in the empty lounge. My eyelids were growing heavy and I took the liberty of claiming Changbin’s shoulder as a suitable pillow. “This is tiring.”

Changbin’s arm tightened around my waist, bringing us even closer together. “I know you only did this for me.”

“Are you crazy?” I asked. “This is like...the most fun ever.”

“Don’t lie to me, Kayda,” Changbin said, fingers sorting through the mischievous strands of hair bothering my eyes. “I’m really glad we came.”

“Yeah,” I nodded, unable to hold back a yawn. “I wish I had more energy.”

“It’s cute,” Changbin said, ignoring my protests as he kissed me softly. “Thank you for entertaining me.”

“It’s my job,” I said. “But, if it’s okay with you, I might need to find a nearby audiologist because my ears are ringing at this point.”

“Let’s get you home,” Changbin said, offering me another kiss which I gratefully accepted.

April

There was a noticeable optimism following the events of prom, a sense of complacency settling amongst the student body. Despite the drama that offered a precursor to the evening’s events, I noticed that most people seemed happier, especially the seniors who would be graduating soon. This included Jisung who had managed to make-up his lost semester by promising to dedicate himself to summer school. In any case, the opportunity meant that Jisung would no longer be attending school with me next year and I was rightfully chastened by the thought of never seeing my best friend again, which is why I was determined to spend as much time with him as possible.

The two of us frequently liked to get together at my house, spreading out a blanket in the backyard like we used to do, laying together quietly under the steady influence of the warmer weather. “I like the spring,” Jisung said, stretching his arms above his head. “There’s always more sunshine.”

“Hmmm,” I agreed with him, distracted by the edging drowsiness eclipsing my ability to form rational sentences.

“I got my acceptance letter today,” Jisung said. “If I pass my summer classes, then I’ll start Community College in the fall.”

I perked up at this information, opening one eye to glance over at Jisung. “You won’t be going far away?”

Jisung smirked. “Not at first. I plan to transfer eventually, but this seemed like the right start.”

“I’m proud of you, Jisung,” I said without a single ounce of malice. Those hard feelings between the two of us had dissipated like the morning frost chilling the discarded leaves decorating the grass. Instead, all that was left was a beautiful trust that cemented us together as equals in every sense of the word.

May

The end of the school year was growing closer with every passing day, and Changbin and I had started making a habit of spending time after school at the park. The two of us liked to walk the trails together, talking about whatever it is that we found interesting. This could be anything from Felix’s new girlfriend to the topic of Changbin’s conversation with a college recruiter who was more than ready to offer him a scholarship to play basketball. I was proud of him, but I was also wary of the impending topic of our Senior year and what might happen when we both graduated.

Changbin didn’t seem to notice my anxieties, talking openly about his dreams. “The dorms were pretty small,” he said. “I wanted to stay off-campus or something.”

“They won’t let you?”

“Freshmen have to live together,” Changbin grimaced. “I’m not sure I want a roommate.”

I grinned because Changbin acted every bit like the only child who was never forced to share with a sibling. “It might not be so bad.”

“Maybe,” Changbin replied distantly, silent for a moment before pausing next to the lake. “We’re going out of town for the summer again,” Changbin said.

“That’s not surprising,” I attempted to tease him, but it was difficult when Changbin looked so serious. “You leave every year.”

“Reynolds,” Changbin said carefully, watching me through cautious eyes. “You should come with us this time.”

His words were met with silence while I took a moment to admire the way the sun reflected off the smooth surface of the lake. “It’s your family vacation.”

“Yeah? Well, I want you to be there,” he said, tugging my hand as if trying to convince me.

But Changbin should know by now that it took little to convince me when it came to the school’s revered sports celebrity. “I’ll go.”

“Really?” Changing gasped, managing to look completely taken aback by my simple acquiescence.

“It sounds like fun,” I shrugged, but I was hardly indifferent, especially once he leaned down to offer me a gentle kiss to seal my promise.

#mostlycompetent #stray kids #stray kids fanfic #seo changbin #stray kids seo changbin #seo changbin fanfic #changbin #changbin fanfic #seo changbin smut #changbin smut #seo changbin imagines

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jellicleetcetera · 5 years ago

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Cats 2019: A Spectacle of a Trainwreck

I saw cats 2019. And I had a lot of thoughts about it. So I thought I'd write an essay. Because that's what I do when I have a lot of feelings about something. I write about it.

So, I’m going to start this off by saying that I’m actually a huge fan of the original musical. I get the songs stuck in my head constantly. My personal favorite rendition is the 1998 direct-to-video adaptation. When I first saw the trailer, I was terrified. I saw that they were adding a speaking plot, and I immediately knew there were going to be a lot of changes. I was prepared, though, because the original musical would be very hard to sell to general audiences. Hell, Cats is hardly a musical for people that like musicals. Cats us a beast of its own kind. A lot of changes would have to be made if this were going to do well at all in the box office. So, I promised myself that I would go into it with an open mind.

My mom asked me a couple months later if I would go with her to see it. Now, as most of you die-hards would know, seeing Cats with your mother is a very dangerous gamble. Either she’ll understand what’s going on in That Scene, or she won’t. But either way, you’ll be uncomfortable the whole time. I didn’t know if they were going to include the scene or not. I was hoping so because I would love to see the reactions, but also praying that it would be cut because Jesus Christ I’m seeing it with my mother. I agreed, though, because I knew I was contractually obligated to see this damn thing and if my mom took me I wouldn’t have to spend my own money on the ticket. So, the release happens, a few days go by, and then my mom and I walk into an empty theater on the morning of Christmas Eve.

It was certainly a spectacle of a film. Everything was super vibrant and flashy. I absolutely adored the giant sets. I honestly think it’s incredible that they actually built giant sets so the actors would look effectively cat-sized. They looked a little too small, but then again, Jellicle cats are rather small. Also, my sense of cat size is warped because my own cat, Comet, is absolutely massive. But I digress.

Aside from the set design and the flashy palette, though, one thing really bothered me visually. And it will surprise no one. I really, really didn’t like the cats themselves. Design-wise, fine, they’re alright. Their faces are a little creepy but it’s not that bad. Add a little more cheek fluff and you’re good. However, there’s a specific reason I didn’t like that they did CGI fur rather than practical costumes. It cheapened the dancing.

The moment you slap something CGI onto something real, it makes the real thing look like it’s CGI. That’s just unavoidable. During the whole movie, I couldn’t really get over the fact that they looked CGI because it made the dancing look like it was computer-animated rather than real people actually dancing. Which sucks, because when you look past the gross look of their digital fur, the choreography and the dancers were incredible. (Although I do wish it was a bit more… feline. The original musical’s choreography wasn’t as complex or impressive, but it really got the message across that they’re cats, and not just human dancers with cat features.) It’s really a shame. If they had been in practical costumes, they would have looked like much better dancers. Creating practical costumes would have also added a bonus of getting to create interesting, modern reimaginings of the old 80’s fluffy wigs and legwarmers.

Now, on to the story and characters. Some changes I liked, some I was fine with, and some I didn’t like one bit. I think it would be easiest to share all of my thoughts by going down the list of musical numbers and sharing my thoughts on each one, with some digressions to talk about other related things. I don’t think I need to say this, but many spoilers lie ahead. I’m going to mostly assume that you, the reader, have at least a basic knowledge of the original plot and characters of Cats, but I’ll fill in crucial details here and there as needed. Here we go.

When the movie opens, we’re treated to a fresh new story for one of the main chorus cats, Victoria. In this film, she’s an abandoned cat dropped off at the dump in a canvas bag. I immediately knew she’d be our main character. I found the decision to make her a newcomer to be a pretty smart one. Victoria became the audience stand-in, since the movie is assuming you’re going into this having never seen Cats.

Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats was a banger. Can’t deny that. It was fun and upbeat, and the choreography was great. I loved the junkyard set, too. Plus, through the speaking plot, they gave The Naming of Cats a little more justification. Honestly, I think the entire speaking plot was just a huge justification for the songs for people that can’t connect the dots between them. But whatever. Anyways. Macavity also appears in this scene, but I’m going to get to him later.

I wish they kept Victoria’s solo dance… you know, a solo. The dance with Munkustrap was lovely, but I wish Victoria got to keep it. This is due to my own personal bias of that dance being my favorite, though.

Now, The Invitation to the Jellicle Ball brings me to a character that changed a lot. Mr. Mistoffelees. They say, in his song, that he is vague and aloof. There was nothing vague nor aloof about this Mistoffelees. They turned him into a hapless, bumbling fool. Personally, I thought he was kind of cute, but it seemed like an unneeded change. The plot would have been fine without it. I liked his pencil wand, though. I suppose they wanted to make the relationship between Victoria and Misto more sympathetic? Rather than making Misto this cool, distant character that any newcomer kitty cat would fall for, they gotta make him clumsy and dumb so Victoria doesn’t look shallow I guess? I dunno. It’s fine. I’m fine with it. Everything’s fine.

Also that song was fine.

Gumby Cat. Oh, Jennyanydots, what have they done to you? Okay, I’ll say it, I’ve never really found Rebel Wilson to be all that funny. I know, boo me, I’m the worst, I suck, moving on. She was fine in this role, and I’ll admit, some of the gags were pretty silly and fun, but watching Cat Rebel Wilson eat tiny roach people was just… not great. Also, the mice were creepy. *shudders*

Now, I’m going to go into this next song’s review with a disclaimer. The Rum Tum Tugger, in Cats 1998 specifically, is my favorite character. I love him. He’s an 80’s rockstar himbo delight with a smooth, sexy voice and he knows it. God help me. When I heard Jason Derulo would be playing the new Tugger, I found it to be a pretty obvious choice in making Tugger new and hip to the modern crowd. It’s fine, I get it. However, making him, like… Not as smooth? I don’t get why they did that. He’s supposed to be an unflinching badass personification (catification?) of swag and confidence. I didn’t like that change one bit. #NotMyTugger

Grizabella the Glamor Cat was pretty great. I loved Jennifer Hudson killed her role in this movie. 10/10 amazing job. However, this song brings me to another matter entirely. I couldn’t tell who was singing it! Pretty much none of the chorus cats were recognizable to me. I could pick out Jemima and that’s pretty much it! It took someone telling me that they changed Demeter to a russian blue for me to even have a chance of knowing which one she was. Demeter is one of my favorite cats, and we’ll be talking about her again later.

Although I wasn’t expecting it, I really liked Bustopher Jones. I thought that it was fun that they really went for it, making him shown literally digging through the garbage for all of the gourmet food he loves so much. It’s not made very clear in the original musical that this was what it was implying. I’m glad they did this, because otherwise it probably would have flown over everybody’s heads. I miss the “toodle-pip” though.

I loved Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. They chilled it down a lot, which I was fine with, though I did miss their loud cockney accents and eccentric choreography. I also miss the double cartwheel… The movie made up for it, though, with having really fun imagery. This one was definitely my favorite one from the movie. They made them more like sly, seasoned mischief-makers, rather than boisterous bastards. (I do love bastards, though…)

I loved Old Deuteronomy. Judi Dench is wonderful, and that song is always a lovely delight. Not much else to say about it.

Can we get an F in chat for The Pekes and the Pollicles? It shall be missed.

They cut down a significant amount of the ten-minute dance sequence that takes place in the middle of the show. DAMN them for shortening it. Cowards, the lot of you. However, this also means they cut out That Scene. I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. To those saying this movie is incredibly horny, I BEG you to go watch Cats 1998. THAT movie is horny. It has The Scene, and also a multitude of ass shots throughout the film.

Also I was fine with them changing Victoria’s dance with Plato. (I think they replaced him with Munkustrap? I don’t quite remember.)

I loved Memory. Jennifer Hudson. *chef’s kiss* Amazing.

Beautiful Ghosts was… fine. It was a lovely song, don’t get me wrong, but it doesn’t… sound like the rest of the musical. It sounds more modern than the rest of the soundtrack. And they modernized the soundtrack, too, so that’s saying something. It just felt a little out of place for me. Also, I don’t like its placement. Let me explain.

Grizzabella and Gus the Theater Cat are supposed to be comparisons of each other. They’re both old and nearing their final days, wishing for days long past. However, the thing that makes them different is their relationship to the other Jellicle cats. While Grizzabella is cast out and rejected, Gus is loved by the clan and he’s a very strong candidate for being the Jellicle choice. There’s already a song between their two songs, The Moments of Happiness, but that song acts as more of a bridge between the two songs, rather than an interruption like Beautiful Ghosts feels to be.

I liked Gus the Theater Cat. Ian McKellen seemed to like his role, which I liked. He’s amazing at everything he does, too, so his performance was no surprise.

Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat was fun and upbeat and everything I hoped it would be. 10/10 would tap dance again.

I didn’t like Macavity the Mystery Cat at all. They cut Demeter out of it entirely, removing her implied history with Macavity, and in the process removing her entire relationship with Bombalurina. Instead, they made Bombalurina Macavity’s bitch. She got the song all to herself. And I’ve gotta say it. I don’t like Taylor Swift. That song felt like nails on a chalkboard. I hated every moment of it. Also, I find it hilarious that they kept the lyric, “Macavity’s a ginger cat. He’s very tall and thin.” and he is very obviously none of those things in this movie.

I didn’t like a lot of things about Macavity, too. I liked Macavity he got more of a presence than in the stage musical, but some things were kind of… lame I guess. Some of the scenes on Growltiger’s boat (I thought they would do Growltiger’s last stand but I was wrong!) were slow and boring. Even their little “action” scene. They also removed the Macavity fight scene, where he tries to kidnap Demeter. Very cringe of them. ANOTHER thing that is very cringe fail terrible was what they did to Grizzabella. They stripped her of her original backstory and just made her Macavity’s ex. FORGET that. Horrible. Hate it. Stop making everything about Macavity.

Back to Mistoffelees and his own song. Although I didn’t like that they removed Tugger’s role in Mr. Mistoffelees, I understood why. They turned him into a main character, so of course he had to sing his own song. However, they kept the lyric, “His manner is vague and aloof,” (well, “My manner is vague and aloof.”) which I find very silly of them. Yet another lyric that directly contradicts what the movie is providing. Also, I didn’t like the lack of dancing in this scene! Mistoffelees is one of my favorite dancers in the original productions. Specifically the big, impressive toe touches. Cowards.

I wish they let Jemima keep her solo. I know why they gave her solo to Victoria, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Congrats, Webber, you got to cut your ex-wife’s part out of the musical. *claps*

I liked the reprise of Memory and the subsequent journey to the Heaviside layer. I loved the chandelier balloon, too. It was all very emotionally impactful. My mom literally cried next to me during Memory’s reprise. Amazing job.

I never really liked The Ad-dressing of Cats in the musical because it feels unnecessary after such an emotional, perfect ending note with the journey to the Heaviside layer, but this version was kind of fun, I guess. Old Deuts looking directly into the camera was a little off-putting, though.

Overall, I thought this movie was fine. Will I watch it again? I don’t know, maybe. If someone put it in front of me, I would probably watch it, but I’m probably not going to go seeking it out when Cats 1998 is right there. It was fun, and it was definitely a spectacle. But was it Cats? Mmmmmm… It sure does look like Cats, but it doesn’t really feel like Cats. Do I think it’s a good movie for someone that isn’t already a fan of the musical? I don’t know, maybe? I’m seeing that most people hate it, which is a shame. If anything, I hope this movie compels people to seek out other productions of this musical. It really is a fun romp of a musical that I think people might like if they give it a try. I mean, it was Broadway’s longest running show in its time for a reason.

Do I recommend this movie? Sure. Go see it if you want. I’m not about to give this movie a score out of ten, because I find those kinds of rating arbitrary. But sure, go see Cats. Maybe it’ll lead you toward the superior version. Cats 1998.

#cats the musical #cats musical #cats 2019 #cats 1998 #jellicle cats #cats review #long post

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arsnovacadenza · 5 years ago

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Lan Wangji, Sir, I’m Sorry

So, today my friend ranted about the changes in NCT Dream and how she feared that SM Entertainment might end up letting go of her favorite Chinese member to the Chinese management forever. It leads to us talking about weird marketing directions and the resulting alienation of the non-Chinese fans.

In the middle of that conversation, I found myself coming back to that time when I criticized the danmei’s characterization of Lan Wangji and his romantic plot with WWX up to chp. 59. Needless to say, the reactions I got were rather…..curious to say the least (more on that later).

After that painful trip down the memory lane, I decided to sit down and put into words what was it that made me stray away from Lan Wangji as a character and eventually the MDZS fandom as a whole. Now after some thought and seeing the matter through new perspectives, I’m ready to put this case to rest.

After some time away from the fandom, I began to watch the first season of the donghua, which, surprisingly endeared me to Lan Wangji’s character. It shows that, on his own, Lan Wangji actually has the potential to be a solid, complex, and relatable character (which, in my opinon, was in no small part thanks to the animation team, the show’s writers, and his outstanding voice actor). Therefore, I conclude that my troubled impression of Lan Wangji of the novels may have stemmed from factors related to the writing style (since the POV is exclusively Wang Wuxian’s) and other stuff lost in translation (although Exiled Rebels Scans’ translation was nothing but excellent), and me just being more interested in Wei Wuxian’s platonic relationships with other characters.

In any case, I understand that other fans find Lan Wangji (in any incarnation) an appealing character and a good romantic lead for Wei Wuxian. I respect their opinions because everybody deserves to be part of the fandom despite having different opinions.

But marketing-approved fandoms are where opinions and healthy discussions go to die. Especially if the producers or creators make demographic-pandering decisions that alienate portions of their fanbase. Especially if said creators micromanage what their own fans can and cannot produce (even ships, apparently).

And everything is made worse when the majority endorses their behavior and overtakes nearly the entire fandom by driving away other camps that voice objections to those decisions. Meanwhile, the creators continue to shower fans with loads of fanservice dedicated to the remaining demographic. What results is a symbiosis that not only alienates part of their audience but also ensures that newcomers from different demographics will never feel comfortable within the fandom.

That, my friends, is my impression of the MDZS fandom —now entirely converted to WangXian hell. And my plunge into the SVSS fandom further confirms that.

You see, I’ve been following SVSS fan artists on Instagram and while they do make MDZS art once in a while, I never follow artists or artwork-stealing fan accounts that exclusively post MDZS content. Still, this doesn’t keep Instagram algorithms from flooding my explore tab with WangXian pictures and nothing else, aside from the occasional Jiang Cheng or Jing Lin fanart. Thankfully, the whole thing died down a bit once the donghua’s second season and The Untamed drama came out (not gonna lie, I’m thankful for C-Drama and x nine fans suddenly getting involved in the fandom and making Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo content).

Last year, out of curiosity, I looked around Youtube for MDZS video essays and came back empty-handed. While there are plenty of review videos, the most views they can get is at 95K. Needless to say, I don’t recall ever seeing big-name reviewers specializing in animated series (Gigguk, Mother’s Basement, Saberspark, etc.) pick up the donghua. Which in my opinion is baffling since it made quite a scene among the Japanese BL fandom. And then I realized something.

To sum up what I feel about the MDZS donghua’s marketing as a foreigner: it’s a BL work made for MXTX’s loyal fujo fanbase. Not the Chinese-speaking or BL fans, mind you, just MXTX’s fujo fanbase.

The post I made (which mostly addressed my problems with LWJ’s characterization up to chapter 59) led to an interesting exchange with a Vietnamese fan who attempted to refute my opinions but couldn’t because of potential spoilers. I should probably chalk it up to the misfortune of reading slow-burn romance novels (which MDZS supposedly is) with untranslated chapters, but all direct responses to my post were all from people who share the same ideas, among them a fan who has read the novel from start to finish.

To date, no one has ever approached me directly via DMs or reblogs in the defense of Lan Wang Ji’s characterization. It could be that my post is just too irrelevant to warrant replies or reblogs by other fans, but it sure didn’t stop people from making passive-aggressive posts that in no way address the points made by me or other LWJ critics directly.

See, this is where the author-endorsed hive mind mentality rears its ugly head. As someone who didn’t immediately buy Lan Wangji’s setup as the romantic lead found it baffling at how quickly the English-speaking fans embraced him as the perfect Seme without question. It doesn’t help that we get bombarded by promotional pictures that fans quickly translate as Wangxian fanservice.

To be fair, the English fandom is directly influenced by English and Vietnamese speaking fandoms and the official materials they translate. However, I can’t accuse them of deliberately concealing information and refusing to translate promotional materials unrelated to Wangxian, because there are little to none, apparently. Which brings us to the bigger problem at hand.

Now, I don’t know if the donghua on its own has exploded outside of Weibo or Twitter (do tell me if you know), but it certainly doesn’t circulate well enough to be picked up by foreign audiences with no prior interest in BL, which is strange because the Donghua itself doesn’t contain the same amount of homoerotic elements, unlike the novels. It could be that Tencent is trying to protect its reputation to avoid association with a novel that is sure to put them in trouble with the Chinese government.

But why wouldn’t it garner a cult following outside of China, especially with more and more people embracing same-sex relationships in media regardless of whether or not they’re hardcore BL fans? While I understand that Western fans may have trouble accepting some aspects of MXTX’s depiction of same-sex relationships, I think that everyone can still have a good time and make great content together while respecting each person’s preferences and values—

Oh.

Well, my friend, to quote Anita Sarkeesian:

In case you mistake me didn’t get my point, the problem is not about the acceptability of MXTX’s depiction of her couples by Western fans, it’s her fans (Western, Eastern, what have you) that’s censoring discussions brought up by other fans and then deeming said fans unfit to stay in the fandom.

Funnily enough, people in the SVSS fandom do frequently point out things they don’t like with the main pairing or the characters themselves without facing repercussions from fellow SVSS fans. I also never hear anything about TGCF fans being banned from shipping non-canon pairings. CMIIW though.

So, to sum things up, I find the MDZS fandom uncomfortable due to MXTX and her fans acting like inquisitors whenever somebody critiques her work or simply pointing out things they simply don’t sit well with.

Cry all you want about me not being able to comprehend MXTX Chinese values and writing style, but I’ll have you know that I’m part of the SVSS fandom where everybody acknowledges that some parts aren’t for everyone due to language barriers and cultural dissonance and that’s FINE.

Ex-MDZS enthusiast signing out.

#mo dao zu shi #mdzs fandom #lan wang ji #lan zhan #danmei #also whatever your response to this post I won't ever try to be part of the MDZS fandom again #I'll probably consider rewatching the donghua and that's it #or move on to TGCF #or hell just return to reading sha po lang #check it out guys it's awesome

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timeclonemike · 4 years ago

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The War of the Words, Part 5: Counterstrike

Previous installments of this essay have repeated the point that the tactics used by nazis, terfs, and other varieties of bigot are those adopted by a force with a numerical and strategic disadvantage when facing a larger and stronger opponent, among other things. This may have given the impression that these types will eventually just die out. While I believe that this is true in the long term, it is demonstrably true that they can still do considerable damage in the short term, so this is unfortunately not the kind of problem that will solve itself. Action must be taken to undermine them at every possible juncture. This is especially true given that the current, semi-covert “secret agent” / muddy-the-waters approach was adopted because previous open displays of aggression were not getting the results they wanted. It is entirely possible that a shift in strategy will occur again and allow them to make more headway than they presently are.

Any given strategy employed by the nazis and terfs and racists has one or more potential counter-strategies, but simply waiting to recognize a specific type of propaganda or psychological manipulation or social engineering method puts everyone else on the defensive - by the time the problem is recognized and understood, it has already been effective for some time and may allow for a certain amount of momentum. Also, rapidly shifting strategies can lead to the defensive side lagging behind or being overwhelmed, which is one of the potential advantages of the “increase the signal to noise ratio when it comes to dog whistles” approach mentioned previously.

Therefore, as the old saying goes, the best defense is a good offense. The best chances of combating these ideologies involves going after them directly, rather than trying to play damage control after the fact (although that is also important.) And to do this most effectively requires a certain level of understanding of the psychology (and pathology) of the kinds of minds that are most amenable to fascism and radical exclusionism and racism.

The most important point worth considering is what I have taken to calling the Fascism Paradox. Fascism derives its name from the Fasces, a symbol that was adopted during the days of the Roman Empire and then appropriated by authoritarian political movements in the early twentieth century. It consists of a bundle of rods tied together, incorporating a handle and axe head, and the symbolism is pretty straightforward; a single stick might break, but a bundle of them together is much more robust. The obvious idea behind it is that many people united in a single cause and goal can accomplish what an individual cannot, which is why it was adopted by so many governmental offices and magistrates before the early twentieth century.

The titular paradox is that the Fasces symbolizes strength despite being an admission of weakness. The whole point of tying the rods together is because an individual rod is inadequate to the task at hand. Likewise, most authoritarian displays of power revolve around numbers; large military parades, massive rally crowds, mobs of angry young men wearing polo shirts and carrying lawn torches. The power of symbolism, and the attraction they hold, is a door that swings both ways; those who are attracted to the idea of fascism are those who are individually weak, and can only achieve strength and power by proxy, as part of a larger group.

Given that knowledge, the obvious counter is to strip away the protections of the group itself. After the Unite the Right rally, quite a large number of participants were identified by photographic evidence where they did nothing to conceal their identities, and the social consequences were considerable. These individual people were not part of a larger, dangerous force; they were people with names and addresses and once people could pair them with the faces in the photographs, it was basically open season. This technically wasn’t even doxxing; nobody can realistically make a claim to privacy when they are in a public space, much less when they are deliberately drawing attention to themselves. (The lessons learned from this are implicit in the “secret police” tactics used by unidentified federal agents in Portland as of this writing.)

If this sounds like a roundabout way of saying “Divide And Conquer”, it’s because there’s another element to the paradox. A bundle of sticks may be stronger than any individual stick, but the strength of said bundle is still limited by the strength of the individual sticks. For an object lesson in why this is important, compare breaking a single uncooked spaghetti noodle with an entire package of uncooked spaghetti. The whole package technically puts up more resistance, but the difference is marginal in comparison to the forces involved. So it is with fascism and the people who are enticed by it; because their attraction to the group and the cause is motivated (subconsciously or not) by an attempt to mitigate personal weaknesses, the group itself inherits all off these weaknesses. This is especially true when it comes to the subject of morale and courage under fire; each individual in the group is relying on the group as a whole, and they take their cues from each other, so as soon as one person falters everyone around them starts to hold back. The result is a chain reaction of hesitation and lost momentum. (This can be seen in real time when watching videos of right wing protests fighting with counter-protest groups, and can also be seen in recordings of police and riot cops against protestors when a charge doesn’t immediately turn into a rout.)

This paradox also comes into play with another peculiar psychological characteristic: Being disgusted or enraged by compassion. Compassion directed towards weakness can serve as a reminder of said weakness, or an admission, or symbolize a loss or negation of strength; the human mind is very complex and this can get rationalized and justified many different ways, but it all comes back to a central idea; that they can’t or don’t have what they want more than anything. This is another reason why these groups turn on each other at the drop of a hat, because displaying compassion for, or receiving compassion from another, is an insult in a culture where strength is prized: “I’m helping you because you’re weak and you need my help / pity / support.”

(In a world, and especially a year, where the hits keep coming and they don’t stop coming like some sort of Fae contract involving a Smash Mouth song, this attitude is even less healthy than it normally is.)

The sense of personal weakness at the heart of the paradox can take multiple forms, not just physical strength. Financial stability, social leverage, political authority, health and wellness, even good looks can all qualify. What matters is it’s something that a person wants and does not have. This by itself is the origin of most conspiracy theories; some other nation or ethnic group or political party is hoarding or stealing all the food or medicine or political power, and if they weren’t, things would be different. The conspiracy theory angle is so complicated it requires its own essay to explore in full, so for the purposes of brevity and clarity we will leave that unaddressed for now; all we need to focus on is the idea that these people want something that they can’t have. The “can’t have” part especially plays into the idea of radicalization and recruitment. Somebody who wants to be physically strong can work out and get swole, and can measure their progress over time in terms of sets and reps. As a matter of fact, they have to in order to determine what exercises are working for them. How much they can lift and for how long and with what body parts will vary greatly depending on factors like genetics, environment, childhood and adult nutrition, but what matters is that it can be quantified and measured and progress can be seen.

But fascists, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say, fascism-susceptible people, are in a different situation. As much as they glorify, praise, and fetishize strength and power, what really drives them is their weakness. No matter how ripped they may be and how much they can bench, it’s never enough; they will always be afraid and insecure and there is always the possibility, if not the certainty, of somebody stronger. It’s the difference between wanting to be strong and wanting to not be weak. This also applies to knowledge, to social acumen, to power and influence. So long as they are unable or unwilling to confront the root cause of what drives them - to admit their weakness in whatever form they find intolerable - they can’t come to terms with it psychologically, never mind take action to correct it practically.

This leads directly to the next strategy for dealing with fascists; mockery and ridicule. The insecurity and weakness that drives fascism is bone deep and borders on the universal, and this is why so many alt-right insults are disparaging terms referring to a perceived lack of strength or fortitude or power. Trying to use those specific terms against them is about as effective as children on a playground going “I’m rubber, you’re glue” but individual insults and derogatory remarks are not what’s important; the underlying insecurity is. Simply not treating them with the deference and respect they desire is itself a potent starting point, and from there any number of comedic possibilities present themselves. Autocratic and authoritarian regimes are notorious about cracking down on dissent for this reason even more than an attempt to keep the citizenry from being agitated; just look at Vladimir Putin’s heavy handed retaliation against Russia’s internet access when somebody photoshopped heavy makeup onto his face. Wannabe dictators with no power can’t remove the object of their ridicule and it eats them alive from the inside out.

The final aspect of this counter attack strategy has to do with enemy morale and opposition. As stated in previous parts of the essay, a number of fascists and crypto-fascists abandoned the cause and ideology when they decided it was less stressful to stop being one. In other words, leave the door open for somebody to switch sides. Consider an analogy where Fascism is an island; some people will burn all their bridges in pursuit of the ideology, but others might not; if other people burn those bridges, the result is the same and they end up trapped on Fascism Island anyway, so they have nothing to lose by doubling down. A number of people on and off Tumblr have discussed this topic and the problems with what is called “essentialist” thinking long before this essay was written; there is a nearly decade old TED Talk by a DJ called Jay Smooth who suggested we start thinking of bias and prejudice the same way we think about hygiene like brushing our teeth, that prejudice is something people do as opposed to an inescapable part of their character.

It’s worth keeping in mind that this may be interpreted as weakness by the fascist or fascists in question and this may prompt them to redouble their attacks or attempt to “play” the person giving them an out in order to get information or undermine their confidence or even try to recruit them into the fascist cause; it’s also worth keeping in mind that it is impractical and unrealistic to expect everyone to adopt this approach. Some people have lost too much personally, and some people are too close to the ideological or physical front lines to even consider letting their guard down. Not everyone can be Reverend Wade Watts.

#The War of the Words #On the Shoulders of Windmills

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luvknow · 6 years ago

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hero’s soup for the weak soul | lee felix

genre: superhero!felix x civilian!reader | superhero au ; friends-to-lovers au ; college au ; fluff ; light humor ; light angst ; swearing ; alcohol consumption summary: you find yourself stuck trying to get your friendship with a flaky felix back to what it used to be. on the way, you meet a strange and familiar friend who happens to be a superhero. did I mention he's kind of hot? wc: 11.8k

“Hey,” you said, shaking an incredibly unconscious Felix. “Wake up.”

He was so knocked out that his body moved as if he were dead, and honestly, he might as well have been - he looked all beat up from God knows what. There were always small cuts and bruises on exposed parts of his skin that either seemed to never heal or he just kept on getting injured in those places, but they were never too major for you to ever worry about. After he kept on giving you the same excuse of saying how he’s just really clumsy, you truly believed it. By now, you couldn’t keep count of how many times he’s tripped and broken your coffee mugs.

A tired, barely-audible groan came from the boy as he pulled his blanket over his head.

“I’m not here,” he muttered. “How did you even get in?”

“Bro, we have midterms in a couple of weeks and you’ve been to like, five lectures! I bet you haven’t even started studying yet. And Jisung never locks the door.”

“You have my iClicker. You know what to do.”

“iClickers won’t save you from an F on the midterm.”

“Ugh, why do you have to be such an honor student?”

“To make up for your lack of diligence. Now come on ~” you whined, pulling on his arm gently.

With an unfamiliar strong force, Felix tugged you down so hard that you fell on top of him in his twin-sized bed. Was he always this strong!? Maybe he wasn’t kidding when he said he’s been going to the gym. He held your arm close to his chest, like a child to his teddy bear, and if Jisung were to walk in on you two right at this moment, it would look like you were the big spoon. Felix knew how awkward you could get with skinship, no matter how long you both knew each other, and he hoped you’d get flustered enough that you’d forget the whole reason you came here.

“L-Let go, you weirdo,” you stuttered nervously.

“No, I’m cold and you’re warm.”

“Then turn on your heat for once!”

“Does it look like Jisung and I can afford that? C’mon, you never wanna cuddle ~”

With a heavy sigh and a bright blush on your cheeks, you pulled yourself free from Felix and headed towards the front door feeling defeated. At least you tried to get him to go to class, right? Hopefully today’s lecture wouldn’t be so bad or information-heavy, but the last few times were and you can confidently say that you’ve never wrote down so many notes in your entire college career until now.

After leaving his and Jisung’s bedroom, you heard a heavy thud come from said-room which you assumed was Felix stumbling and falling out of bed to catch you before you left.

“Wait, I was kidding! I’m coming, let me just put some pants on…”

“You pulled me in your bed and you weren’t wearing pants!?” you shrieked, completely appalled and embarrassed.

“Relax, I had my boxers on.”

Felix came out of his room wearing his favorite black hoodie that covered his unruly bedhead with his favorite sweatpants. It was his go-to look whenever he wasn’t feeling like he was on top of the world, and lately it seemed like he wasn’t because you saw this outfit way too often for it to be hygienic. At first you thought his repeat of this specific outfit was just plain disgusting and lazy and you refused to wear the hoodie anytime he offered it to you whenever you were cold, but on one unbearable night, while walking home from your favorite place to eat on the other side of town, you took the hoodie to wear. You remembered how soft and warm it was and how it was doused in Felix’s cologne that only added to the boyishness of it. You almost didn’t give him back his hoodie.

“Listen, I know I look good, but you don’t need to stare,” Felix teased, walking past you to the door.

“I’m only staring because I’m wondering when was the last time you washed your clothes.”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but two days ago, thank you very much.”

“Wow, I’m impressed - you’re really sticking to your word. Now only if you did the same whenever you talked about studying.”

“Me staying true to my word about my outfits versus my studying habits are totally independent of each other! One gives me clout and the other just reminds me about my crippling student debt.”

“How did you get admitted into college…”

“You did my essays, remember?”

Class was no different than if you just left Felix behind at his place. He covered his face with his hood, pulled the strings, and went right back to sleep, leaving you to take responsibility for his iClicker and notes for re-teaching him later. You always knew Felix was one to stay up late to play video games or watch his nerd shows and it never worried you before, but now you can’t remember the last time you’ve been with him and he’s been conscious for more than four hours at a time. It was like he completely flipped his sleep schedule and there was no way that he did that just by playing games, right? But who knows, Felix was a special kind of nerd.

During your lunch break with Felix, you noticed how he struggled to keep his eyes open even after his third cup of coffee. He looked like a little kid who insisted he wasn’t tired even when his head was bobbing back and forth. You felt like his babysitter, but if you had to describe your relationship in a nutshell, ‘baby and babysitter’ was the gist of it.

“What is up with you lately?” you asked after flicking his forehead.

“What do you mean?” he muttered.

“You’re up really late, you’re always tired, and you have all of these cuts and bruises on your arms, like what the hell is this?”

Gently, your hand took the arm he used to support his head and pulled the sleeves of his hoodie down, exposing the browning spots and healing gashes. You may not have been one for skinship, but when it came to something as serious as this, of course you would show some concern and want to take a closer look. Felix shivered when your thumbs grazed over the tender spots and yanked his arm away.

“For the last time, there’s no need to worry, ok ~?” he sang lightly, hopefully it would ease your mind even just a little. Worried that you might suspect something, he pulled his arm back to his chest. “Who even are you, my mom?”

“I might as well be. You can’t cook for shit.”

“I cook sometimes!”

“Name one thing.”

“Rice!”

“Anyone can make rice! A toddler could make rice!!”

“Hey, there’s a lot of factors that play into making rice! Like grain-to-water ratio, what kind of brand, the species - it’s not easy stuff.”

“That’s what the instructions on the bag are for.”

“Wait… there’s instructions?”

“It’s amazing how natural selection takes its time on some species.”

Felix’s phone buzzed for the hundredth time within that hour. You’re not sure what it’s about or who he’s talking to, but this was happening too often lately that you were dying to know what the deal was. At first you suspected it was his parents, but they were chill and they usually left him alone to make and figure out his own mistakes in college, so they couldn’t have been bothering him, especially at this early hour. Maybe he was talking to someone, like someone he met at a party or one of the guys hooked him up, but that couldn’t be it, either - he would have told you right away and proceeded to tell you way too many details about what went down that night. Or who knows, maybe he is hiding someone from you, but you couldn’t figure out what the reason would be.

Either way, this person was really cutting into your Felix time for the past month or so and you were beginning to feel irritated.

“Hi hello, I’m still here,” you pouted, waving a hand in front of his strained face.

Almost immediately, he put his phone down and covered his scowl with his loving smile. “Ah, sorry, this person has been bothering me all day.”

“Who is it?”

“My boss.”

“Your boss? You have a job?!”

“Oh, I didn’t tell you? Yeah, I got that internship like a month ago. That’s why I’ve been so sleepy lately, I work really late and underpaid hours.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I thought you found someone to replace me, or something.”

“Aw, do you miss hanging out with me twenty-four seven ~?” he teased while his fingers danced on your arms. “_____ misses me ~”

“Shut up, I do not.”

“You know, you’ll never have to worry about that kind of stuff.”

“Oh, yeah? Why’s that.”

“Because no one could ever replace you,” he said sincerely.

Another blush crept up on your cheeks. “I guess I’m stuck with you, huh?”

“Yup! You’re stuck with me forever, my love.”

“Gross, don’t say that…”

“My little cupcake.”

“Stop.”

“My strawberry-flavored Poptart -”

“Ok, bye,” you gagged, getting up from your seat.

“Wait, come back! We didn’t plan what we’re doing for dinner yet!”

“We literally just ate lunch, you fatass, how can you even think about dinner? Besides, don’t you have some matters to attend to?” you asked while pointing at the glowing cellphone in his hands.

“Oh right, that…” For a few moments, you watched him bite his lip and consider his options. He could report to Woojin now like he was asked, but moments with you were rare these days. He’s been so busy working lately that it’s a wonder why you’re not more upset about it. You were always so patient with him, and for that, he was grateful. He shook his head. “It’s ok, he’ll understand.”

“No come on, dude, don’t get on his bad side so soon.”

“No, he’s cool! He’s texting me so much because we just started playing this really cool game and we’ve been giving each other tips and tricks and stuff. He’s really into it right now, so he’s texting nonstop. I promise you, it’s fine,” he reassured, swinging his arm around your shoulder, hoping you’d believe the lie. “Right now is _____ time and it’s precious time that shouldn’t be wasted.”

“If you say so. You’re so soft, it’s disgusting.”

“Only for you, sugarplum.”

“You’re late. Again.”

It’s now midnight, hours after Felix dropped you home and just after he woke up from a nap to recharge. He was as awake as he would be if he were operating on a regular sleep schedule like a regular person, but he was a superhero college kid, so regular and normal were not words in his vocabulary.

Felix walked into Woojin’s apartment not bothered by his scolding from his fancy leather couch. He was doing HIM a favor, why was he always so grumpy and needy of his time? It wasn’t like they had any deadlines to meet or anything.

“Well, I’m here, right?”

“Just put on the suit,” Woojin said, tossing Felix the newest version of his suit.

“Ooh, it’s all black? What happened to the blue?”

“You looked like Sharkboy last time, so I figured you’d look cooler in all black.” Woojin looked up and down at his loyal test subject. “I’m not so sure it’ll work, though.”

“You’re so funny, Hyung...”

Felix wasted no time putting on his new aerodynamic form-fitting suit. In the mirror, there’s a mask that wrapped around and outlined his eyes, barely covering half of his face. It was like their only function was to hide his freckles. Really, it was crazy how no one recognized him in the streets before, but now there was absolutely no way anyone could because this new suit changed every strand of hair on his head to black.

“Whoa, this is new! How does this work?” Felix asked, pointing to his hair.

“They’re the same fibers in your suit, but they wrap around your hair strands,” Woojin smirked, satisfied with his creation. “Cool, huh? That took me DAYS to figure out. I even called Jeongin for help. They pretty much serve the same functions - it’s waterproof, fireproof, and bulletproof.”

“So…it’s a helmet?”

“Yup.”

“Cool!” he squealed. Then he began turning and getting all the good angle views in one of the huge mirrors. “Bro, I look so sexy. I’m diggin’ this for real, I’m gonna be the flyest superhero on campus!”

“But don’t all superheroes fly…?”

“No, that’s not what I - forget it, you’re too old.” Woojin chucked one of his very expensive silk pillows at a very poor Felix. He’ll never get over how rich that man was, spending it on pillows more expensive than Felix’s rent. He was at least smart to spend it on projects like these rather than nights out at the club, but Woojin always had some questionable purchases.

“So is this what I’m testing tonight?” Felix asked while closely examining the technology of his suit.

“Yup. Just fly around, press buttons, save a stolen purse - you know the drill. How does it fit?”

“Honestly, it’s like I’m naked. Fits like a glove! It’s form-fitting, insulating, and my butt looks absolutely fantastic! I swear, you outdo yourself every time.”

“That’s just what geniuses with a lot of money do. I’m like Tony Stark, right?”

“Ha! Good one.”

“Just get to work, you’re not getting paid to look at yourself.”

“If only, huh?” Felix joked, but Woojin was having none of it. “All right, I’m going! Just open your balcony.”

Woojin slid open the door to his balcony on the thirty-second floor. It was no wonder Minho wouldn’t partake in the testing - Felix couldn’t even see the floor below! Luckily he had like, zero fear, anyways. Well, zero fear of heights.

With one leg over the fence, he waved to his boss. “If I die, delete my browser history.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Felix rolled his eyes before he tipped over the edge, falling into what seemed like oblivion. No matter how many times he falls, he doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of the feeling of falling freely. It was an adrenaline high he was addicted to, which was one of the reasons why Woojin wanted Felix to be his test subject.

“Whoo hoo!!!” Felix screamed as he activated the flight function. “New software update?”

“Yeah. Does it fly smoothly? There were some glitches the other day.” Woojin asked through their connected ear pieces.

“Glitches!? Like, it could shut down on me at anytime!?”

“Relax, I fixed them! I think...” Woojin chuckled. “You should be fine, though. All of your stats look good so far.”

Felix flew in between the city buildings, over cars, near the ocean, through the night market to snatch up some snacks - you name it, he probably already flew through it in a matter of seconds. Tonight it was Felix’s job to keep watch over the city for any robberies, assaults, or drug busts. He secretly always hoped to catch some mafia smuggling drugs on one of those cargo ships by the pier, but alas, this city was too nice to have something that exciting ever happen. As a result, he was always stuck with the robberies and a handful of assault situations.

“See anything?” Woojin asked.

“Not really,” he replied, cheeks full of street food. “Seems like a rather quiet night.”

“I hope you find something. We have a quota to meet to report to the police. We’re one short.”

“Hey, give that back!!” Felix heard from below.

“Looks like I found the one,” Felix grinned.

Immediately, he took action and flew to the source of the call. Before doing anything risky, he decided to watch closely from the roof of a building. He learned the hard way the first time when his head got too big and he jumped right in the middle of everything only to get his ass beat and let the robber get away. From on top of the building, he saw the robber dressed in all black sprinting down the street with someone following him.

Wait a minute, was that -

“Get back here, you dick!” he heard you scream.

With a dropped jaw, Felix watched you chase after the culprit, keeping a steady pace but he doesn’t think you’ll last very long. He knows how you are when it comes to physical activity. He’d have to figure out a way to scold you for this later without revealing his identity to you because this had to be dumbest thing you’ve ever done in your entire life.

“_____, you idiot, what if he has a gun!” Felix said to no one in particular.

“You know that person?” Woojin asked.

“Yeah, we’re close friends.”

“Are they the reason why you’re so late all the time?”

“Ah, don’t blame them ~ Me being late every time is my decision.”

“You’re not going to follow them, are you?”

“Are you kidding me? Of course I am! What kind of superhero slash friend would I be to leave them chasing after someone who could have a concealed weapon!?”

“You might blow your cover! Wouldn’t your closest friends recognize you right off the bat?”

“I don’t know, _____ isn’t the brightest light bulb in the box,” he lied. You definitely weren’t dumb, and the chances of you realizing it was Felix when you saw him were quite high, but he couldn’t just leave you to your own devices! You were terrifying and lost all control of yourself whenever you got mad, so anything goes in your current situation. “I think I should follow - at least until I know they’re safe.”

“Just don’t be stupid.”

“Roger that.”

Before you were too far, Felix followed you, jumping from rooftop to rooftop block after block. How you were able to keep up with this guy was beyond him because he could so clearly remember how horribly you did on both the pacer test and the mile run back in high school. Even Felix was beginning to tire after chasing you, but still, he kept a close eye on you.

The robber rounded the corner and took advantage of the dark alley and there was when you halted, afraid of what might happen if you continued. So Felix took it upon him to help you out. Before the robber could reach the other side of the alley, he jumped down from the rooftop in front of him, causing the guy to stumble backwards and fall on his ass in fright.

“What the fuck?” he heard both you and the robber say simultaneously.

“Sup,” Felix greeted. “I think you have something there that doesn’t belong to you, friend.”

“Oh, yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?” the robber threatened.

“Guess I’ll have to take it from ya.”

Your eyes could barely follow the last three seconds. The first second, this figure skater-looking dude snatched your bag back from the robber, the second he’s at your side handing it to you, and the third he scooped you up in his arms and flew you away to God only knows where with the sound of firing gunshots echoing below.

How do you tell a superhero that you’re deathly afraid of heights without shattering his eardrums? You cling onto him for life, of course. Felix completely forgot about your huge fear of heights until he was already in the air flying you back to campus near your apartment. Looking down at you, Felix saw you had your eyes shut tight and your face buried in his shoulder hoping that would help you forget how high off of the ground you were.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the superhero landed smoothly in the middle of the empty Quad and set you down gently. Your legs felt like jelly from all of the running and fear of flying, so you fell to the ground and hugged the grass beneath you.

“Land… Good, sturdy, solid dirt…” you muttered to no one, though Felix couldn’t help but chuckle above you.

“Are you ok?” the boy asked, hovering over your seemingly-dead body.

“I feel like I died and been reborn at least ten times today…”

“At least you ended up reborn and alive, huh?”

“Yeah… Hey, wait a minute.”

You sat up from your limp state to get a good look at the boy who saved you. He was wearing all black - some parts were shiny and reflected the colors of the moon, some parts were matte, mimicking the dark negative space of the sky. His eye mask and dark hair matched the rest of his suit well, though you couldn’t get over the fact that he kind of looked like some gothy-vampire-greaser hybrid. He was cute, though, if you had to generalize, especially his eyes, which were big and wide staring into your soul (due to the fact that he was terrified that you might have found out who he really was).

“What are you, exactly?” you asked, unsure if that was the correct way to word such a question.

“Well, I identify as a dude, so I use he/him pronouns -”

“No, not that! Like, what’s with the whole tight suit get-up? Are you some kind of superhero, or…?”

“Eh, I wouldn’t go as far as calling me a superhero. I don’t really save the world from destruction - at least not yet, I think I have to wait until I’m promoted to do that.”

“So what, you’re like a vigilante?”

“Ugh, I hate that word, it’s so derogatory and incorrect. Why even bother with labels, anyways!?”

“You don’t even know what you are, do you?”

“Not a clue,” the boy admitted, taking a seat beside you. “I just started this gig, I don’t think I have a right to call myself anything at the moment.”

“Maybe not a superhero, but a hero would be appropriate.”

“You think so?” he beamed cutely.

“You sure saved my ass from having to purchase a new laptop and textbooks. That’s a hero in my book.”

“Ah, you flatter me. If I can ask, what at are you doing out so late? It’s dangerous for you to be walking home at this time.”

“I was working on a paper in the library that I totally forgot about, so I had to cram it in after dinner. I ended up finishing it, though! So this was all worth it in the end.”

“Ah yes, risking your health and life for school - typical you move.”

“How would you know that’s a typical me move?”

Shit. Felix knew he was bound to slip up some time the longer he talked to you. “B-Because you’re a student? I don’t know, aren’t all students like that?”

“There are a few that aren’t,” you said, and Felix knew you were talking about him. You stood up and dusted the dirt off of your pants. “I’ll leave you to your job then.”

“Oh no, I’m not letting you walk home alone again after what just happened.”

“What do you mean, I’ll be fine! What are the chances that I’ll get robbed twice?”

“More likely than you think. Come on, I’ll take you home.”

“We’re not gonna fly, are we - wait, hey!!”

With a mischievous grin that flashed before your tired eyes, the boy scooped you up again in his arms and flew high up in the air. Felix was about to go straight to your apartment, but that would be terrifying if a ‘stranger’ knew where you lived, right? So he hovered high over the Quad with you in his arms, keeping you safe and sound.

“Where do you live?” he asked, holding in his laugh as he saw your eyes shut tight again.

“O-On the corner of f-first and north.”

“Gotcha.” And so he began to fly once more. “You should open your eyes. The view’s great.”

“No, thank you.”

“C’mon! The stars are twinkling, the city lights are glorious - this is a once in a lifetime opportunity ~” the boy sang.

“Really?” Cautiously, you opened one eye and took a peak at the horizon. The city lights created a light halo over the city, like it was covered in a warm blanket. The halo was so bright that it was hard to see the stars, but they promised you their presence. “Wow… even in the tallest building in the country, I could never get a view this beautiful.”

“Breathtaking, huh?” Felix grinned. “I’m glad you’ve overcome your fear and opened your eyes.”

“Oh no, I’m still incredibly terrified,” you said, clinging onto him more. “But I’m still glad I opened my eyes.”

“Are you going to keep them open?”

“Of course I am! Who knows if you’re actually taking me to my apartment.”

“Even if I wanted to kidnap you, I know where you live now so realistically, I could snatch you up at any time.”

“Now I definitely feel safe that the fate of this country is in your hands...”

It didn’t take long for your mysterious flying knight in black armour to drop you off at your apartment doorstep. He gently settled you on your clumsy feet and his original plan was to just fly away without a goodbye, but how could he when you looked at him with your eyes so wide and cute? Your eyes were only ever this big when you saw a dog or food, so Felix must have been looking pretty good for you to look at him that way.

“Be more careful next time,” he scolded gently. “There are some strange guys out there.”

“Stranger than a superhero who flies and knows where I live?”

“Much stranger, I promise you.”

“Well, thank you for saving me. I guess I owe you one.”

“You don’t owe me anything other than promising you’ll be more careful.”

“Ok, I promise ~ Where are you going now?”

“To save some other beautiful soul, I guess,” he winked. “So goodnight, love. Duty calls.”

“W-Wait!” you blushed. “What’s your name?”

“My name?” Well, shoot… Did he ever think of a pseudonym? “I ~ don’t have one.”

“Wow, mysterious,” you teased. “An unnamed superhero? That’s pretty unique, I guess. At least it’s not something cheesy.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

“Can I give you a nickname for myself?”

“Depends - is it ‘My Knight in Shining Armor’? Or ‘The Handsome Hero’?” Felix smirked, flexing his muscles a bit.

“Ha! Quite full of yourself for a superhero.”

“Aren’t we all?”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. But actually, you were very close the first time. Can I nickname you Lancelot?”

“Lancelot? Like that one Knight dude?”

“Exactly like that one knight dude.”

“Why him?”

“Well, as you said, you were my knight in shining black armor. I could’ve been seriously injured if it wasn’t for you. And Lancelot also had a famous affair with the King’s wife, and I don’t know what it is about you, but I could totally see you doing that.”

“Thanks, I think… Lancelot it is. Can I give you a nickname, too?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Not really. How about Fearless Kitten?” Felix giggled.

“Oh come on, at least the one I gave you was cool! This one is totally lame!!” you pouted sourly.

“No, think about it! You were totally fearless running after the sicko who stole your bag, but you’re completely helpless when you’re two feet off of the ground! A very fearless kitten! You’re also very cute ~”

“Don’t try to flirt with me just so you could have your way with a nickname for me!”

“Too late, I spoke it into existence and now I like it too much.”

There’s something about the way you bickered with your hero that made you think you knew him somehow. Maybe he was an old childhood classmate? Some random kid in one of your lectures? A customer that came into your cafe one evening? You’re not so sure, but there’s something about him and the back-and-forth banter that you can’t seem to put your finger on…

“Hey, Lancelot,” you began. “Do I know you from somewhere?”

Looks like that’s Felix’s cue to leave. “Nope, I highly doubt it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some chivalrous duties to attend to -”

“Wait wait, one last thing, I promise!” you begged shamelessly.

“Yeah?”

“Will I see you again?”

Felix dropped his eyes down to your hands. Your fingers toyed with nothing but themselves and it was a nervous habit you developed sometime around second year of high school when you asked out some poor sucker to Homecoming and he rejected you on the spot. You picked at your hands for weeks after that, so humiliated that you dared to ask such a stupid question and it was pretty much Felix’s responsibility to make sure you didn’t peel off your dermis. Of course over time, the habit’s not that bad on your skin anymore, but you still twiddled your fingers here and there. Never in Felix’s time of knowing you did he think you’d ever do that because of him.

“Why? Will you miss me that much?” Felix teased, unable to bring his ego down from space.

“No, it’s just… I don’t know, you seem cool…” you said shyly. You felt like you were confessing to that one guy your second year of high school all over again. Toughen up, _____! It’s not like you’re asking him out on a date! “J-Just don’t be a stranger.”

“Don’t worry, I know we’ll see each other again soon, whether it be in passing or you got robbed again.”

“Promise?”

“Pinky promise,” he said holding out his pinky. “Knights always keep their promises.”

“If you say so,” you replied, hooking your pinkies together. “Stay safe saving the country, Lancelot.”

“For you, Fearless Kitten, I will.”

With that, he jumped into the air and flew away faster than your eyes could comprehend. Were you two really flying that fast!? Ugh, you had to lie down for a minute or thirty to process what just happened.

“Oh, my God, you two could not have been more obvious,” Woojin tisked in Felix’s ear.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s like the only language you both speak is flirt! ‘Ooh, Lancelot ~’ ‘Ooh, Fearless Kitten ~’ ‘Promise ~?’ ‘Pinky promise -”

“Ok, I get it! But we were totally not flirting! Well ok, maybe I was, but they weren’t! That’s not how _____ flirts anyways, they’re usually more awkward than that.”

“Well, if you ask me, you’re lucky they don’t know Lancelot is you.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I think they like you.”

“What? No way… You think?”

As if on cue, Felix’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He paused in mid-flight to pull it out and take a look. In a long stream of many heart emojis and caps-locked words, you sent him a text message.

y/n [00:54]: YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WTF JUST HAPPENED!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

“Told you ~” Woojin sang.

“Shut up…”

feelslix [00:56]: tell me all about it.

“Hey Felix, why do men suck?”

On a boring Sunday at your apartment, you and Felix spent the whole day together. Today was his day off and you had him all to yourself, but all you did was sulk about your precious Lancelot. It’s been almost a month since you told Felix about your fateful encounter, and even when Lancelot promised you he wouldn’t be a stranger, you hadn’t seen him since. You thought that you’d be able to pick his brain and get to know him more and who knows, maybe he’d reveal his identity to you and you’d fall in love and get married and have two beautiful children together, but maybe he could read minds and saw you think those creepy things and had avoided you ever since. And oh, poor Felix, who has been listening to you whine about him the entire month.

“Because men are incapable of having feelings?” Felix replied mindlessly next to you on your couch.

“Exactly!”

“You’re just mad because he’s not real.”

“But he is real!”

“It’s a shame you can’t prove it ~”

“Ugh!” You hated it when he was right, that you couldn’t prove your point to Felix, at least not yet. Until you had proof, he’d milk being right until he got bored, but for now he liked seeing your brows furrowed and your lips pout. It was cute.

“What’s so special about him, anyway?”

“I don’t know… He was just so charming and nice, you know? It was easy to be myself around him, even if he was a complete stranger. It was so weird, it’s like I’ve known him my entire life,” you sighed dreamily.

“Sounds like a cool dude.”

“Yeah. He’s also super hot.”

Mid-sip, Felix choked on his soda and went through a painful coughing fit while you patted his back to help ease the pain. Did he hear that right? Did you just call him hot? Well, not him, but you know… him?

“Are you ok?” you asked.

“Y-Yeah, just went down the wrong pipe…!” He coughed one last time. “So he’s charming, nice, and hot, huh? Sounds like me ~”

“Ha!” you scoffed insultingly loudly. “Far from it!”

“What!? C’mon, at least I’m nice, right!?”

“Only sometimes.”

“When am I not nice!?”

“You eat and drink all of my groceries, you leave a mess in my apartment all the time, you make me take your notes and do your homework -”

“Hey, that last one’s all your decision!”

“Yeah, ‘cuz I’m nice.”

“Ok, but what about the time when you got stood up on your date and I took you out instead? Or when I bought you three different pints of ice cream when your wisdom teeth got taken out? And I let you use my free laundry!”

“That’s why I said sometimes.”

“So ungrateful…”

You pulled a pouting Felix into a light headlock and ruffled his strawberry blond head. “Quit being jealous! You know I love you, right?”

“Barely. But I love you, too. And I’m not jealous!”

“Uh-huh ~”

Felix got up to get himself another soda and something to clean up the mess he made from coughing. “So what we doing for your birthday?”

“My birthday?” you asked, completely forgetting that it was coming up. “Oh, that’s next Saturday, huh?”

“Yup. Another year closer to death.”

“Eh, I don’t know. Can we just go out to eat?”

“That’s it? You don’t want to hit some nerdy museum, or bookstore, or some artsy fartsy store?”

“Maybe we can, but I don’t know, my birthday gets less and less special every year,” you shrugged, not really caring.

“C’mon, it was the day you were born! It’s a special day to celebrate!”

“I don’t know, now that I’m legal and can drink, there’s no point. That is, until I can rent a car.”

“Well, we’re doing something on your birthday and that’s that,” Felix said sternly.

“Why, do you have a plan?”

“Not at all, but I’ll figure it out.”

“Wow, you must really like me.”

“Yeah… only sometimes,” he teased, giving you the bright smile your heart was so used to.

You two locked eyes for a moment. Your cheeks began to flare, warming up your entire body, unsure of why you were reacting this way all because of Felix. You’ve been around each other for years - since middle school, to be exact - and yet you’ve never shared a moment quite like this, staring into each other’s eyes and being pulled into each other like a magnet. And you know what’s crazy? It was exactly like in the movies! That’s how your life has felt like lately, like think about it - a month ago you met a hot superhero that saved your life, your birthday’s conveniently coming up, there’s a weird spark between you and your best friend, your lips are centimeters apart, and you so wished whatever omniscient being that was controlling your life would just hit the pause button really quick so you could process everything and -!

To your… relief? Dismay? You’re not sure how you felt when Felix jumped up quickly to reach for his ringing phone.

“Y-Yes, hello…!?” Felix stuttered.

“Uh, did I interrupt something…?” Woojin asked.

“No! No, I’m just with a friend. You just startled me.”

“Whatever you say. Anyways, I called because I need you for tonight.”

“What? But it’s my day off.”

“I know, I’m sorry, but there’s a lead on some drug pushing that I thought you’d be excited about. Please come, I’ll pay you double.”

“Uh…” Felix looked back at you sitting on the couch, touching your cheeks and checking how hot you must be after what just happened. You were so cute, and God, there was nothing more that Felix wanted to do than to continue where you left off, but the money was too good for him to pass up. Until next time. “Ok, I’ll be there soon.”

“Great, I’ll see you soon.”

Felix sighed loudly after hanging up the phone and turned to look at you with a sorry look on his face. “I got called in to work just now.”

“On a Sunday?”

“Yeah. You know how interns are treated - like shit.”

“To think I’d have you all to myself for once,” you frowned.

“I’ll make it up to you on your birthday, I pinky promise.” Felix leaned down and pressed a light kiss on top of your head, a mutually, totally, exclusively platonic gesture you were both used to. “I’ll see you tomorrow in class?”

“Ok, bet.”

“Yeah, you’re right… See you at lunch?”

“Definitely.”

The charming boy left you alone for your confusion to brew into some concoction you’d think about all night or until you push it to the back of your mind. You’re still unsure of how to feel… or what to feel, other than confused. You’re not mad at yourself for leaning into what would have been a kiss because it’s not like you did out of loneliness or for the sake of your own selfishness. You’ve always been kind of curious what it’d be like to kiss Felix, and it was crystal clear that he felt the same way, right? Or was he just lured in by the force of the magnet and had no control over it? After all, he did jump up for his phone very quickly.

You may not have been sure of how to feel or how Felix felt about it, and he saw it in your face, but oh, how sure was he about it. The moment you were caught in each other’s pull, he took it upon himself to take advantage of it and lean in because he’d have to be an idiot to pass this up. But midway, he started thinking about how you must be feeling. He thought the same thing you did about him - that you were simply caught up and had no control of yourself. And so he was thankful that Woojin called because if your first kiss together wasn’t mutual, then what was the point?

What if he was just overthinking it though? That’s extremely likely, considering you were leaning in, too, right? And when your eyes fluttered closed… and when you puckered your cute lips… God, out of all times, Woojin had to call now!?

The longer you stayed in your apartment, the more you were overthinking those short ten or so seconds. Even the television couldn’t drown out your thoughts. So rather than sulking under your fuzzy blankets, you decided to take a walk to the grocery store because your pantry and refrigerator were depressingly empty.

The market wasn’t going to close anytime soon, so you took advantage of taking the long way, immersing yourself with your music and trying to drown out anything that had to do with Felix. But that didn’t work because every other song that came on was a song that either you and him listened to on repeat many times before or he showed it to you (“You have to thank me whenever you listen to this song because I showed it to you.” “Never in my life would I credit you for something so prestigious.”). After skipping twenty songs in a row, you decided tonight would be a night without music.

At the grocery store, you picked up the essentials, like snacks, instant noodles, drinks, and a carton of eggs. Since Felix wasn’t here to help you carry things, you couldn’t purchase a lot, and yet again have you come full circle thinking how much fun it was whenever you were with him doing simple tasks like this. You sighed deeply, daydreaming about those fun times. Maybe a snack from the night market would distract you -

“Hey, stranger!”

Sir Lancelot, in all his spandex glory, jumped right in front of you, startling you and causing you to fall flat on your ass on the hard cement with a loud scream. Felix had finished his job with the drug cartel Woojin assigned him to and on his way back home, he saw you walking with that dreamy look on your face that clearly meant you weren’t paying attention.

“Bro, what the hell!” you cried out. “Aren’t you supposed to protect civilians, not scare them!?”

“I thought this would be more fun.” Which it was. Felix always had fun startling you.

“My eggs!” you whined, seeing how every single one cracked and leaked with yolk. “These were cage free eggs, you monster!”

“All right, I’m sorry! How about I buy you something to eat. Will that make up for it?”

“Fine… I want that fish-shaped bread with chocolate from the market.”

“You got it, Fearless Kitten.” Felix took a handful of your groceries and led the way to the night market.

“You’re just going to wear that there?” you asked.

“Of course. I can’t have people knowing my real identity. I have a lot of enemies, you know.”

“But still, you’re out in the open and everything.”

“Maybe my enemies will be scared off with my presence. I’m very much not in the mood for anything tonight, so let’s hope for that.”

“Oh? A hero not in the mood to save the world?”

“Hey, I just busted a huge drug cartel right before I found you! I deserve a break.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it on the news.”

A pouty Lancelot walked beside you as you both entered the night market. Sundays were always one of the busiest nights, as tons of local places came here to purchase fresh ingredients and the tourists came to buy cheap souvenirs. Your hero gained a ton of stares and gasps from all the tourists, though the locals and the shop owners seemed to already know of his existence, including the bakery that sold the fish-shaped bread.

“Wow, free snacks? The privilege,” you noted.

“Free snacks in exchange for safety. Not sure if risking my life over it is equivalent, but it helps when I’m paying back my favorite civilian for breaking their eggs.”

“Cage free eggs.”

The biggest and most important downside to this whole superhero gig was that Felix missed spending all of his free time with you, but at least he could kind of make up for it this way. Although you might never find out that he was your Lancelot, the little moments together patched up his heart just a little. But was it possible to be jealous of his own self? There was a certain twinkle in your eyes and your smile was always shy whenever he caught you looking at him and he’d never seen you look that way towards anyone before. He’d always hoped that one day you’d look at him like that - Felix, not the superhero. It made him wonder if he had kissed you earlier, would you not be looking at Lancelot this way? Would you look at Felix like this instead?

Felix had offered to take you home once again and this time you insisted on just walking because you could really use the time and the company right now. He happily obliged.

“So tell me about yourself, Fearless Kitten.”

“For starters, my name is _____, not Kitten.”

“_____, huh? I like it.”

“Thanks,” you blushed. “I’m a student, I’m clumsy, and I like dessert.”

“That’s not fair, I knew all of those things already! Get a little extreme on me.”

“I’m incapable of love.” Whoa. Felix hadn’t heard that one before. He wondered where this was coming from all of a sudden. “Too extreme?”

“Not at all. What makes you think you’re incapable?”

“I don’t know… This always happens around my birthday. I get kind of lonely that I don’t get to spend it with anyone special.”

“I mean, I’m sure you have friends to celebrate with, right?” Felix asked, quite insulted that you would say something like that right in front of him, even if you didn’t know he was Lancelot.

“I do, but… See, I have this friend. He’s my best friend, we’ve known each other since we were awkward and going through puberty. We’ve spent a lot of time together since then, but recently he just landed this internship and it’s taking up a lot of his time. Of course, I’m super stoked for him, you know, but I can’t help but feel bitter that he’s no longer spending his free time with me. We’re supposed to hang out this Saturday for my birthday, but I’m worried he’ll have to work or something. Am I being selfish?”

Your hero held a soft smile on his lips. Felix had no idea that you felt this way and he wish he could tell you himself that you weren’t selfish at all and that he’d promise to be with you more often, but for now, only Lancelot could reassure you.

“I don’t think you’re being selfish at all. You just miss your friend, right?” You nodded as a response. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“Really?”

“Really. He’ll make time for you because he cares.”

“I know you have no idea who this guy is and you’re just saying words, but God, do I feel relieved.”

“I’m glad,” the hero cutely chuckled. His laugh sounded familiar. “So do you two like… have a thing going on, or…?”

“A thing? Like do we like each other? I don’t think so.” Felix dropped his head slightly. So you didn’t think anything of what happened then. “Although that’s funny that you mentioned it.”

“Why? Did something happen?” he asked almost too eagerly.

“Yeah, we almost kissed earlier.”

“Ooh, do I hear sparks?”

“I don’t think sparks is the right word. I can’t even remember how it got to that point in the first place, but I just remember being pulled in like… like…”

“Like two polar magnets?”

“Yeah!”

“And time was moving so slowly. Like no matter how close your lips were, it was like the universe made sure they wouldn’t touch?”

“Yeah… wow, hey that’s pretty good.”

“Thanks, I uh, took a poetry class once,” Felix lied, clearing his throat. “Did you feel anything?”

“I think I did. I mean, I’ve always been curious about us, like what if we actually dated. Typical best friends-to-lovers trope, you know? But then he jumped up so fast to get his phone when it rang and I think I scared him away…”

No! That’s not what happened at all! “What if he just thought it was an urgent call?”

“Nah, you should have seen the way he jumped up. No way he wanted to kiss me.”

“Who wouldn’t want to kiss you?” Felix said without thinking.

“Oh?”

Fuck. Maybe he could play it off as Lancelot just being flirty. “C’mon, Fearless Lover, look at you. Any guy would be lucky to kiss you.”

“Except him, apparently. But now that I think about it, maybe it’s for the better -”

“I think you should try again.”

“Are you crazy!? That’s friendship suicide! Kissing is like the number one thing that’s off-limits!”

“You were making it seem like you wanted it to happen!”

“Yeah, maybe in that moment! But can you imagine if I actually went through with it!? I don’t think our friendship would last long after that.”

“But what if it’s the best thing that could happen between the two of you?”

“I’m all for if it’s meant to be, then it’ll happen. So if he wants to kiss me, then he’ll kiss me. But my expectations could not get any lower.”

“God, are you always this stubborn?”

“Depends on the day.”

You and Lancelot arrived back to your apartment just as the conversation ended. You didn’t realize how long you’ve been talking to him this whole time. It was crazy how incredibly easy it was to open up to him and talk. In a way, he reminded you of Felix - a hotter, suaver Felix.

“Thank you for not only breaking my eggs, but for being my love consultant, too,” you said.

“I find that it’ll always be a pleasure whenever I’m with you, _____,” he bowed teasingly, as if he were a real knight.

“Will you ever tell me who you are?”

“One day.”

“Promise?”

Felix sighed. Should he really commit to a promise like this? If you somehow find out before he tells you, or even if he is the one to tell you, you might not ever trust him again. But you deserved to know who he really was, right? And how could he say now when you held your pinky out to him and held a pout on your cute, pink lips.

“Pinky promise,” he said, wrapping his pinky around yours once again.

“Just a reminder, my birthday is Saturday, so you better say happy birthday to me.”

He chuckled in his cute, boyish way that sounded too familiar. “Will do, love.”

“Stay safe saving the country!” You waved him off as he flew among the clouds and the stars off to God only knows where.

After putting your groceries away, you were completely exhausted from today’s events. From almost kissing your best friend to meeting up with your super cool superhero friend, your life really was like a movie. To be completely honest, you had no idea what you were going to do about your feelings for Felix or the weird flutter in your heart whenever you thought about Lancelot, but you figured that this was going to be a tomorrow problem and you’d figure it out after you slept on it.

Your week went by incredibly slow. It was a weird week, to say the least. Not only had Felix been coming to class more, but he’s been going out of his way to spend time with you every chance he got, as if you both were in high school again. You weren’t complaining or anything, it was just weird that you were talking about this to Lancelot on Sunday. It was like Felix was listening, or something.

Oddly enough, you didn’t see Lancelot at all that week. You’d take frequent peaks out your balcony window, even go on walks to random places at night while Felix accompanied you, but Lancelot never showed up even for a second. It was upsetting, really, because not only did you want to prove Felix that you were right, but you kind of missed him. That’s when Felix started to get jealous again because now that he was here with you more, just like you asked, you still ended up looking for Lancelot. So what was the truth - did you like Felix and wanted to kiss him or did you fall for Lancelot already and it was too late?

He had to make sure that wouldn’t be the case. On your birthday, he made it clear to Woojin that he could not and would not work at all that day just so he could spend your birthday with you. He had this huge plan set and ready. He was going to throw a huge surprise party for you at his and Jisung’s apartment with all of your friends and you would spend the night together drinking and dancing and having the time of your lives. He’d hold you in his arms on the dance floor, keeping you close so that no one else could snatch you up, dancing to your favorite songs all night until your feet could no longer move. Then towards the end of the night, when not many people were left, he’d take you to the roof to get some air. He’d tell you to close your eyes because he has your present behind his back. Then he’d kiss you. And in a perfect world, you’d kiss him back and you two would live happily ever after together.

That was Plan A. Don’t ask about Plan B because he doesn’t have one.

Saturday finally came around Felix promised you a whole day of hanging out. While you two had lunch, went to your favorite stores and museums, and ate dinner, Jisung was busy setting up his apartment for the party.

“You totally owe me if this works out,” Jisung pouted after reluctantly agreeing to such an effort-full task.

“I do, but if you end up hooking up with some poor sucker, that’s my payment.”

“... Fine…”

From lunch until dinner, everything went exactly how you wanted to spend your birthday - doing normal things with Felix. But after grabbing dessert, he put a blindfold on you and said he had one last place to take you.

“If you like ditch me at the park or something, I’m gonna kill you,” you threatened, keeping a tight hold of Felix’s hands on your shoulders.

“I would never do that to you! How mean do you think I am!?”

“I don’t know, blindfolds make me nervous!”

You heard a key fit into a lock and the door opened. You couldn’t hear anything, so maybe his last surprise was just taking you home and enjoying a relaxing night in -

“Surprise!!” When Felix took off your blindfold, all of your mutual friends and then some greeted you with a big smile and tons of party toys. Jisung decorated the place quite nicely, with the drinks and games in one section and the dance floor in another.

You couldn’t stop your grin from growing. Oh yeah, this was ten times better than just staying in.

“Did you plan all of this?” you asked Felix, who quickly became shy after.

“I thought we could celebrate with more people this time. Happy birthday, _____.”

“You’re so sweet. Thank you.”

“Ok, let the party begin!” Dj Jisung cheered as he turned up the music.

The apartment was packed, mostly with people you knew, but there were a few you didn’t recognize though you didn’t really care. It’s been awhile since you had fun at a party and what better way to celebrate it with these people on your birthday? You needed a distraction from all your thoughts about Felix and Lancelot anyways, but it was hard when Felix followed you around. Not that you didn’t mind taking shot after shot with your best friend, but in your tipsy state, you let things slip without thinking - holding his hand as you walked through the crowds, lips lingering near your ear just a moment longer whenever he had something to tell you, and having him hold you close on the dance floor were just a few examples of skinship you didn’t mind for once. You were much too tipsy to care and now you knew what all of those things felt like.

Needless to say, you really liked it.

Maybe you should tell Felix how you felt. You were high above the clouds the whole day and there’s nothing that could bring you down, even rejection. You had to take your chance, because the way he responded and reciprocated your little gestures, it was now or never. Luck was on your side tonight.

Hours later, though seemingly felt like short minutes, guests began to file out as it was already late. Only your closest friends stayed behind to catch up and clean up a bit.

“Wanna get some air?” Felix asked, tilting his head towards the balcony.

“That sounds great, I feel really gross in here.”

The fresh air felt cool against the bare parts of your skin. You and Felix leaned on the railing, enjoying each other’s company and the halo of light the city made over itself. It reminded you both of the time Felix held you in his arms and flew you home the first night he met you as your knight in black spandex.

“Did you enjoy the party?” Felix asked awkwardly, unsure of how to lead the conversation to a confession.

“I loved it. You really didn’t have to.”

“But I wanted to.”

“I know, and I love you for it. I would have been equally as happy if it was just you and I for the whole day.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Man, I wish I knew this earlier! I wouldn’t have gone through all this trouble.”

“Too late!” you giggled. “I had lots of fun. Today was the best birthday I’ve had in a long time. And who knew you were such a good dancer.”

“What, you always knew that!”

“Yeah, for a set choreography. I must say your freestyle isn’t one to be reckoned with.”

“I am the best, aren’t I?” he smirked. “I like dancing with you.”

“You do?”

“Yeah,” Felix blushed. “We should do that again sometime.”

“I’d like that.”

“I have one more thing I want to give you.”

“Felix, you’ve already done a lot -!”

“It’s the last one, I promise. Close your eyes for me.”

Though you were reluctant, you did as you were told and you couldn’t control the rate of your heart. You had a feeling of what he wanted to give you, yet you were still so nervous and unsure of yourself. Felix was feeling the same way, but he figured after tonight, his chances were looking pretty good.

As he leaned in, his phone rang.

“Shit,” he muttered, looking at the caller ID.

You opened your eyes. “Is everything all right?”

“Yeah, um, give me a sec.” Felix went inside and talked to an unoccupied corner in the living room. “What?” he sneered into the receiver.

“I need you to come over,” Woojin said in a shaky voice.

“I told you today is the one day I can’t!”

“I know, but I really need your help. I’m a bit tied up at the moment - ow!”

Felix sensed the tone in Woojin’s voice and a hard slap that followed. He was in trouble and the only one who could get him out was Felix.

“Fuck,” he cursed to no one in particular. “I’m on my way.”

“Thank you I owe you -!” The phone cut out.

From inside the apartment, Felix saw you patiently waiting on the balcony. God, did you look so heavenly in the moonlight. He didn’t want to leave you.

He opened the door and you can already tell he had bad news.

“Duty calls?” you asked bitterly.

“Yeah,” he sighed.

“At one in the morning?”

“I know, it’s ridiculous, right?”

“I don’t even know what you do.”

“I can’t tell you that. At least not now.”

“Seriously?”

“I’ll tell you when I get back. I promise you.”

This was your cue to say ‘pinky promise?’ but you’re so upset that not only do you not ask, you can’t even look at him, either. All you wanted was to spend your birthday with him, and granted it was already late and you were being selfish, but you were tired of him putting whatever internship this was before you. Felix hated your silent treatment, and if he could confess everything up to this point he would, but he has a boss in trouble waiting to be saved. He’d come back and save you later.

He put his hand on top of yours. “I’ll see you tomorrow…?”

You move your hand away from his and turn your head so he doesn’t see the tears well in your eyes. “I’m busy,” you lied.

“Then I’ll see you soon.” You only nod in response, still not turning to look at him, and it breaks his heart. “Happy birthday, _____.”

Before walking out the main door, Felix looked back at you. You were still facing the glorious city, but your hands were covering your face and your shoulders were shaking and he figured that you must have been crying all because of him. He so badly wanted to run back to you and hold you in his arms and press soft kisses all over your head until you stopped crying, but life had a funny way with screwing with him.

On his way to Woojin’s, the only thing that ran through Felix’s mind was how this was exactly what you meant when you told Lancelot that you felt lonely after he took up this ‘internship’. As Lancelot, he told you that he’d make time for you because he wanted to, and even when he tried, duty called and bit him in the ass.

He’d just have to make more time for you next time. If there was a next time, that is.

Despite Jisung and Changbin’s begging for you to stay, you insisted that you were tired and they let you go. You were tired of everything that had to do with boys and all you wanted was to bury yourself beneath your covers and never think about a boy ever again, or at least for as long as you could avoid them because Felix would catch you sooner or later. On the way home, you kind of felt guilty for leaving things on such a bitter note, but it was your birthday, dammit! Was it that hard for Felix to keep his attention on you for the entirety of your birthday!?

… So maybe you were asking too much, but to leave you for his job on your birthday!?

… So maybe he was just being a good intern…

Ugh, whatever! It’s your birthday, dammit! You were allowed to be a brat!

The distance between your apartment and Felix’s was quite a bit, as it was on opposite sides of the campus. You were only halfway home when someone grabbed you and held a knife to your neck and you swear you blacked out those last two seconds. The man was behind you holding the knife unsteadily and in front of you was your wide-eyed hero, stopped dead in his tracks when he saw it was you. What the hell was happening!?

You were the last person Felix though he’d be seeing tonight. Why the fuck were you walking home alone!? He couldn’t get mad at you now, not when your breathing was uneven and tears were streaming down your face. He just had to make sure you were safe and sound.

“Come any closer and their head is off,” the strange man threatened.

Felix raised his hands in the air as a surrender. “I’ll give you what you want. Just let them go.”

“Give me the suit first.”

Fuck. If Felix took off his suit, you’d know it was him all along. And Woojin would kill him! This project was his baby, after all.

The man pressed the knife into your neck, causing you to yelp out in pain, but no cuts were made. Fuck, what should he do!? “Give. Me. The suit -”

From behind, Woojin knocked out the man behind you by hitting the sweet spot on his head with the handle of his gun. He fell to the ground with a loud thud and you sprinted into the arms of your Lancelot who held you close and stroked your hair comfortingly.

“It’s ok, I’m here,” he whispered. “Thanks, Hyung.”

“You’re welcome. Take them home, I’ll take over from here,” he said, tying up the man below him.

Felix nodded, wasting no time taking you up in the air and flying you home. You must have been so exhausted from today because you fell asleep in his arms and couldn’t enjoy the view of the stars with him. But that’s ok because you looked so peaceful when you were asleep. If only he could hold you in your sleep all the time.

You woke up just as your hero was about to settle you down on your balcony. You were much too tired to care how he knew this one was yours, so you just let it be. You gestured him to join you and you’re glad he did because you don’t think you can be alone right now.

“This was not what I had in mind when I wanted to tell you happy birthday,” Felix sighed tiredly. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I think so. Just... A little shocked, that’s all...”

“I never wanted you to get involved with the dirty work. I’m so sorry.”

“Not like my birthday could get any worse, right?”

“Did you at least enjoy today?”

“I almost got my head sliced off.”

“You know I meant before that ~”

“I know, I know. It was ok.”

“Just ok?”

“I mean, it was great until my friend had to leave.”

“The same friend from last time?”

“Yeah,” you sighed. “He put work over me again.”

“I’m sure he had a reason,” Felix mumbled shamefully.

“I’m sure he did, too, but I just wish I knew what it was! I’m tired of being left behind for something I don’t even know about. And I’m so confused! Does he like me or not? It’s like I don’t know who he is anymore…”

His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach when you thought you were being left behind. Was that really how you felt?

“I’m tired of waiting for something to happen. Maybe I should just forget about it. It’s clear he doesn’t feel the same way.”

Here goes nothing. “I have a present for you,” he said.

“Really? You didn’t have to do that.”

“But I wanted to. Close your eyes.”

“The last time someone told me to close my eyes, they left me.”

“Please just do it,” he whined. “I pinky promise I won’t leave.”

Reluctantly, you did as you were told, expecting something to interrupt like his phone ringing or another mob boss was on the loose. But that wasn’t it at all. Felix did not want to waste a single second in case something did interrupt, so he cupped your face in his hands and stopped time when he kissed you.

Lancelot was kissing you. A strange boy dressed in all black was kissing you. His lips were soft and plush and you felt like you could kiss him for hours. You melted under his touch, unaware of how slowly time was passing and you only wished it passed by slower. He began to pull away, but oh no, you would not let that happen and pulled him back in for a deeper kiss, causing the boy to smile against your lips. Jeez, were you always this good of a kisser? Felix should have done this a long time ago.

But he wasn’t Felix right now. He was Lancelot. Would you still want to kiss him like this when he revealed himself to you?

With your hands in his hair and his around your waist, he had to pull you away and take a breather.

“Wow…” he sighed. “I did not expect you to react like that.”

“That’s your fault,” you blushed deeply.

“I, uh, have another gift to show you. Sort of. But you have to promise me something.”

“Which is…?”

“That you won’t get mad.”

“See, now that you said that, I’m gonna be mad.”

“Ugh, I’ll never win with you. Fuck it, I’m gonna do it anyways.”

“Do what -!?”

Stopping you mid-sentence, Lancelot took a step back and removed his eye mask. Soon after, the hairs on his head were no longer black, but the strawberry blond color you missed so much. Felix waited for your reaction and he couldn’t gauge if you were angry, confused, glad, or all of the above. Minutes passed and he still couldn’t tell how you were feeling.

You should be angry. You should be furious that Felix ditched you for such a dangerous job. You should be furious that even after you confessed your feelings about him to him that he didn’t reveal himself right then and there. And you should be furious that he just straight up lied to you these past couple of months! But you’re not.

“You’re my unnamed hero?” you finally asked Felix.

“Unfortunately. Are you mad?”

“Yeah, what the hell, man!” you screamed while hitting him. “How could you lie to me!?”

“You were a completely different person whenever I looked like this and told me things that you would never tell me when I’m Felix. I didn’t want to ruin that for you…” It was only now that Felix realized how stupid his reason sounded. “Are you really mad at me?”

“Kind of, you idiot. I’m embarrassed, if anything.”

“What, why?”

“I totally confessed to you last week and like five minutes ago!”

“So?”

“And you told me to try again, you sneaky bastard!” You threw another hit to his chest.

“Ow, ok I’m sorry!”

“My feelings about you and the other you were all jumbled up, I couldn’t think properly for weeks! This is why I hate boys like you.”

“But you don’t hate me, do you?” Felix teased, poking your arm annoyingly. “You like me ~”

“Shut up.”

“You like dancing with me, holding my hand, kissing me -”

“Shut uuuup!” you blushed deeply.

A laughing Felix wrapped his arms around your waist and you can’t deny a gesture you’ve been waiting a long time for. “Ok ok, I’ll stop. You’re really not mad at me?”

“If you keep asking me, I will be. But for now, I pinky promise you I’m not. In fact, this makes everything a lot easier for me.”

“Oh?”

“Mhm, because I get both of you and now I don’t have to choose.”

“Well, that’s one way to look at it… You know I was so jealous of Lancelot? You looked at me in a way I’ve never seen you be before. I couldn’t believe I was jealous of myself.”

“Good.”

“Yeah, I deserve that.”

“Can I ask something of you? Since you kind of owe me for a whole month of neglect?”

“Anything for you, love.”

“Kiss me again.”

And so he did by pulling his body close to yours and pressing his lips against yours with full force, causing you to laugh and smile against his lips. Your beautiful laugh was so contagious that he couldn’t help but laugh with you. For the rest of the night until the early morning, you spent your time in Felix’s arms simply kissing, with laughing in between each breath until you both realized it was too late to fall asleep without wasting the day. From when your lips needed a break, Felix would show you the mechanics behind the spandex.

It was a lazy evening and morning spent together, tangled beneath the sheets. The perfect way to end your birthday.

Felix’s arm was lazily wrapped around you as you both laid in your bed.

“What do you have going on today that you’re busy?” he mumbled lazily.

“Oh, that? I lied.”

“What!?”

“Yeah, I was just angry at you.”

“... I deserve that. Good, ‘cuz now I have you all to myself.”

And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

#felix #lee felix #skz #stray kids #skz felix #stray kids felix #skz imagines #stray kids imagines #skz scenarios #stray kids scenarios #college au #superhero au #AH I FIXED IT DKLJSLKFJSL #i had so much fun writing this #i hope you guys enjoy it!! please let me knw what you think #the ending is so ehhh with me #and im sorry i didn't expand more on the superhero part esp that one scene fml #i'll try that nexttime!!

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