#i started around 8 30pm

[rainbowgothdisaster]

i finished the animation and am exporting neow and imma gunna schedule it to post kinda early but considering i still have to edit the frames together i def wont wake up to reblog it that early

n e wayz first bigish animation of 2023 :) we out here beating depression with a fucking mallet

[hilacopter]

so about our new beloathed (but very funny) troll innocent-fandomite. I live in Israel so when I check the timestamps of posts on here it shows them to me in the Jerusalem timezone (which is the timezone for all of Israel). For someone who claims to be living in Israel most of their posts are posted somewhere around 2AM here, the earliest I've seen them post is their pinned post at 10PM. now this is very hypocritical of my night owl ass reblogging posts well into 4AM but I'm just saying if it took us comparing timezones for tikkunolamresistance to deactivate maybe we can do it again. also it makes them look even less believable if you somehow believe they're genuine and not the most obvious strawman troll.

[phagodyke]

this is like my fourth or fifth consecutive bad gym session I might as well just kill myself

[tittyinfinity]

well that was one of the most terrifying sleeps I've ever had in my life but hey at least I got 6 hours of sleep in the 12 hours I was in bed. lolololol

[jaffre]

made my first bread!

[allofuswantgwinam]

sometimes i don’t wanna get on tumblr bc i have so many requests and i feel bad bc im not writing anything 🤧🤧 i just get on here and be annoying by vomiting my thoughts and feelings then leave 🤣

[skysdelusions]

Needy girl.

Summary: You wanted to make Chris jealous but you didn’t think it out enough.

Pairing: Bang Chan x fem!reader

Genre : little bit of angst , smut , fluff towards the end

word count : 1.4k

Warnings : cheating , name calling , rough handling, hair pulling , oral sex (m receiving) , spanking , rough sex , unprotected sex (don’t ), creampie , overstimulation.

Notes : I just be having lots of ideas for stray kids , they shall be coming soon though. I’m trying to get as much of these ideas out but this is my first time writing smut, I hope I did good, I could use some pointers as well. I was listening to railway and pornstar by nessa Barrett while writing this. The edit of Chris I saw was so good it made big mama throb😼.

(This is not proof read , forgive me🧍🏽‍♀️)

It was one of those days where you felt needy and when you were needy. You’d become a brat.

You had this crazy idea to get at Chris because he was still at the studio , working overtime when he was supposed to be home hours ago. You know how Chris got when you’d go out late without telling him or at least texting him and letting him know you were going out.

Your girls had asked if you wanted to go out a few hours earlier but you had the thought to decline but you were looking for some excitement right now so you hit your girls up and asked where’d y’all be going. After texting back and forth in the group chat , you started to get ready. You were feeling a low cut black dress with some small black heels. As you looked in the mirror , you could just imagine what Chris was going to do to you. All you wanted was to give him a taste of his own medicine.

The drive to the place your friends said you were meeting up at was a bougie club. (clubs just seem like a fitting setting for this rn) As you got out your car ,you noticed some messages from Chris.

Mr.Bang : Just got home, where are you ? 8:00pm

Mr.Bang : Hello? 8:30pm

Mr.Bang : Y/N , if your trying to be funny, it’s not funny. 8:50pm

When you noticed the time , it was 10 o’clock

“No point in backing out now .” Y/N thought

So you turned your phone off and went inside the club.

You noticed your girls at a table in the middle of the club so you walked to them.

“Hey bitches”

As you all started settling down , you decided to get the first round of shots because you were planning to have fun before Chris got to you but you knew when he came , you’d enjoy every moment of it.

After several rounds of shots , y’all started to disappear to the dance floor. You knew Chris was coming at any second because you never turned your location off. You didn’t want to tick him off bad , turning off your location would’ve sent him over the edge.

You were currently grinding on a random man , just thinking about Chris. You knew you were in for it. You were basically cheating on him. You loved Chris so much that you’d never cheat on him or hurt him. You just wanted to have fun and show him what it felt like when he promised he would be home more often but he broke the promise and that hurt.

You were just thinking , not noticing Chris walking into the club. You felt the urge to check your surroundings so you looked up and saw Chris basically exploding, what happened next was a blur. You were dancing on someone now being dragged out of the club by your very angry boyfriend.

“Chris” you called

He just flat out ignored you

When you got to his car , he basically threw you in the passenger seat. You guess you would come get your car tomorrow. If you could walk.

The car ride was silent. The silence made you uncomfortable but you were turned on. As Chris was pulling up to your shared apartment, you tried speaking to him but he just parked the car , got out , and dragged you out the car all the way up to the apartment.

When you guys were inside , you turned around while Chris had his back to you.

“Chris-“

“Shut the fuck up.” Chris said

“You didn’t return my messages because you just wanted to go out and whore yourself out with your friends.

“You want to be a slut , I’ll show you how sluts get treated.” Chris deadpanned

You couldn’t process what happened next but Chris grabbed you by your hair and dragged you to your shared bedroom. He had thrown you to the floor and made his way to the foot of the bed. You were rubbing your thighs together , you were so turned on. Chris watched you get off on his anger towards you. You tried to collect yourself but Chris yet again grabbed your hair and started to unbuckled his pants.

“You're getting off on this. Such a fucking slut”

You started to help Chris with his pants but he smacked your hands away.

“Don’t fucking touch me slut. Your only job is to suck my cock like a good slut. That’s all your fucking good for.” Chris said

Once he got his pants down, he took no time to just gather your hair up into a makeshift ponytail and shove your head down on his cock. You started to bob your head up and down but Chris being so big , it was getting hard for you to breathe.

slob was running all down your chin, eyes watering as you made eye contact with Chris.

Chris threw his head back and started to thrust his towards your face. You couldn’t breathe while Chris was fucking your throat but you were enjoying it so much, the feeling of the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat , the sounds of his grunts and moans , you knew your voice was gonna be fucked in the morning (literally).

“Your gonna swallow all my cum amd if I so if see a little drop fall out your mouth , you won’t cum tonight.” Chris grunted out.

Chris was getting close and before you knew it , he was cumming down your throat. You made sure you didn’t spill any of it like his good girl. You loved the taste of him, salty.

“Strip.”

That’s all you had to hear and your clothes were off in a heartbeat.

Chris now has you bent over the edge of the bed. You felt his hand rub your ass then he stopped.

!THWAP!

The way you screamed as you felt Chris spank you. Chris had gotten his leather belt and he had the means to punish you right now before he fucked the lights out of you.

“You're gonna count everytime I hit you , if you mess up then we’ll started over, got it slut ?”

“Yes sir”

!THWAP!

“TWO”

!THWAP!

“T-THREE”

Chris continued until he had spanked you ten times. You were a sobbing mess right now , Chris dropped his belt and started to massage your sore and raw ass cheeks.

“Have you learned your lesson baby?”

“y-yes daddy , I’m sorry , I just missed you so much and I just wanted to feel how it felt when you broke your promise.” You cried

Chris' heart broke, you did all this because of him.

“I’m sorry baby, how bout daddy make it up to you hmm? You want daddy to fuck you to sleep ?”

“Yes daddy, I need it .”

Chris started to stroke his hard cock. He didn’t even want to prep you, he wanted to give his baby what she needed. Chris cock started to poke your entrance , you started to whine as you felt him bully his big cock in your little hole.

“Fuck daddy , too much”

“Shh baby , I got you” Chris groaned

It took a few minutes for Chris to bottom out but once he did , you were already fucked out , so full of his cock. Chris has started to set a brutal pace , knocking the air out of you.

You were clutching the sheets for dear life as Chris was brutally abusing your hole. You felt so overstimulated

“Fuck, too much daddy”

“Baby you can take it , I know you can”

Chris started to thrust faster , he was determined on stuffing you full of his come. Chris knowing you were close , you started to squeeze him in. You felt chris’ hand grab the back of your neck and push you further in the bed.

“I’m cumming”

“You gonna let daddy cum inside you huh baby? Let daddy make you a pretty mommy?”

“Yes daddy.” You moaned

With that you came hard, Chris wasn’t far behind you. He started ramming his hips into yours. Your hole wanted his cum so you started sucking him in and he came. You felt so full, you and Chris’ juices running down your legs.

Chris pulled out of you and you collapsed on the bed. As you started to fall asleep, Chris woke you up with a wet washcloth , he was cleaning you up. Once he was finished , he made sure you peed then he laid both of you down.

Chris kissed you goodnight and promised he’d do better.

[navramanan]

This settles it. I have to go to bed immediately after returning from terawih at the mosque

[frenchvanilla-mase]

fans are assholes | r. dias

summary: fans compare your pregnancy to fellow wags, leaving you to feel not so good.

notes: as requested! i don’t think i specified that it was twins but it still works. dad!ruben has to be my fav genre 🤪 i hope you all enjoy, some very cute at moments 💘 let me know what you all think! <3

IT WAS MATCH DAY, and although you were feeling rough like you had done the last 7 months, you had promised your fiancé you would make it to today’s knockout game rather than watching from home. he wanted you to support from the stadium, but he also wanted to get you out of the house too.

you were 32 weeks along and feeling very heavily pregnant.

yeah, it’s all fun and games when dating a tall man until you have to grow his unnecessarily large children.

all you wanted to do was lie down and moan this entire trimester, having nothing but a hard time with this one you were growing. you’d had every bad symptom imaginable, from the nonstop sickness and heartburn, to back and hip pain, difficulty sleeping and sore boobs, and now in the final stages you were experiencing braxton hicks, so yeah - all you did want was to lie down and whine. more than ever, you just wanted to stay in the comfort of your own home and nest.

“—you’re not even nesting though! you’re sitting here watching tv all day! get up and get ready!” rúben had said to you just yesterday morning after you’d told him you were too busy nesting to grab a coffee with him before training.

“mama, i think you should go tomorrrow . .” another sweet voice said from the sofa, glancing sympathetically in your direction.

your sweet boy, elias, didn’t want to offend you and make you feel like a slob, but he really wanted you both to go to his papa’s games. with school, you didn’t allow him to go to any late night matches which were always the majority, but tomorrow’s kickoff was 3:30pm and when he pitched the idea, you felt awful for feeling like you’d deprived him of some fun memories.

you really didn’t want to go, but your baby boy deserved it. he’d been working so hard in the last weeks of school and rúben would agree that you needed to take him - he wanted you both there just as much but he also knew not to tell a pregnant woman what to do - he wasn’t the one carrying an 8lb baby around in all summer.

“you nearly ready, baby?!” you called from your room, trying your best to look acceptable for today’s outing. you couldn’t remember the last time you’d done your makeup and styled your hair so neatly, baby dias was really kicking your butt that you hardly had any energy after a shower, let alone doing your makeup and hair.

you really needed them out so you could go back to your old self.

you didn’t remember pregnancy being this hard with eli. with him, you were able to get through the rest of school with him growing in your belly! taking notes and listening in class. sure, you had sickness and a sore back but that was really only at the start and at the end. given, you were younger and full of energy.

eli came along in the last of your teen years but you wouldn’t change anything for the world, same with rúben. he blamed that baby boy for being the reason he pushed himself so hard to get where he was today. he was such an easy pregnancy, and an easy kid.

being honest, you felt more unprepared for this new baby as a grown adult than you did as a teenager back in 2016.

with a few thuds across the landing and a solid jump at your bedroom door, you turned to see your 8-year-old all ready holding two thumbs up. with a man city kit on and trainers, he looked like rúben more than ever. seriously, if you got a photo of rúben back then, it was like looking at eli with a slightly different haircut. it scared you so much. “ready!”

traffic was always bad no matter what time you left, but you got there in one piece and already left eli with one of your closest friends and bernardo’s wife, ines, while you had to run to the bathroom even after such a short journey. jeans were longgg out of the equation so you’d gone with some loose, white trousers to go with the blue football shirt, hoping they didn’t wrinkle too much but still looked good with the outfit. “you are glowing!”

“no, it’s probably just my highlighter,” you pointed to your cheekbone as ines laughed cheerfully.

“no! you look amazing, what are you talking about?! i have missed you!” she couldn’t help but hug you again. “you’re ready to pop!”

she felt your bump and you huffed a sigh, pulling your sunglasses down, “i know, it feels like it.”

you didn’t really like being out this far along, not because you were afraid, but you were at that stage were you were starting to feel gross. like, you looked like a whale no matter what you wore or styled yourself to look like. realistically – you were one of the most beautiful pregnant women the internet had saw. truly, you may have felt like an elephant, but you were still posted on WAG accounts, getting shared by millions of women who begged they could only look as good as you when pregnant or better - envied you for still looking so hot while suffering the struggles of pregnancy.

how?! 😭❤️

life’s not fair!!!! 😫

what’s her secret?!!! 😍😭🙏🏼

but you could have gotten a thousand comments like that . . but all it took was the one bad one.

fucking hell, keep her inside 😂🫣

who is that??

🤣🤣🤣🤮🤮

a lot of the time you didn’t care because you knew how the internet worked, and you know the majority were sad-little-pathetic-football-fan men. they barely impacted you.

when it was women on the other hand . . .

“i just can’t believe one woman would say that to another woman,” you tilted your phone to show ines the replies. “what happened to the whole ‘girls help girls?’” you had to put your phone down before you ended up on a gossip page for arguing with people in your comment section.

“it’s always down to jealousy, babe. they hate you ‘cause they ain’t you,” she pointed, the same thing you had told her when she got her first negative comment, and you smiled at her attempt of making you feel better. she was such a good friend.

the internet was a weird place. your life was a weird place, you didn’t think there’d be a day people hated you for simply being with a person. you found it weird paparazzi followed you around when rúben was the famous one. you found it weird there were accounts dedicated to you when you didn’t do anything. it caught you off seeing people notice every little thing about you or knew things you forgot you’d explained. it did add a little bit of pressure knowing you were being watched and most likely compared to other beautiful WAGS. you’d be lying if you didn’t say you’d put on makeup in fear you’d be posted all over those news articles and WAG accounts.

you forgot how stressed matches made you until kickoff, two minutes in and already overthinking how this would go down. rúben had your heart fluttering nontheless with how he ran up and down the pitch, giving orders all sweaty and even repping the captain band for a bit. it made you feel real good about your baby daddy.

“come on, pa!” your son would shout when a bit of a ruffle would occur, his father speaking passionately to the ref with frustrating hand movements.

the halftime whistle blew and you let out a breath, fanning yourself as your body relaxed for a small moment. 0-0. “ma, i need to go to the bathroom.”

“me too, let’s go!”

perks of dating a footballer? renting out their own box for friends and family - including the private bathroom. no queues around hereee.

walking through the rows and steps, you couldn’t help but feel eyes pinned to you. ines would tell you because you’re a WAG of a player (you regret ever educating her on that term) but really you felt like it was because you looked like a whale making her way through the stands.

eli convinced you to do a lap of the stadium just once to ‘stretch your legs’ when really it was something he always liked to do as he believed it ‘made halftime pass quicker’. so hobbling around with few staff members recognising the kid (or rather seeing the clear evidence he was a mini rúben) , you strolled around the packed building, trying to squeeze past football fans, getting stopped once for a picture.

“thank you so much!”

“no worries at all,” you waved to the two girls, shooting them your kindest smile. they were so lovely, and even complimented you for ‘pulling off pregnancy so well’.

“you’re sLayiNg” eli mocked them, taking your hand.

“shut up,” you tutted. you appreciated being told you were still slaying.

“matt!”

the 8-year-old suddenly bolted to a familair security guard in a neon vest who was delighted to see the boy. “my man!”

you didn’t bother rushing over, you were out of breath as it was and decided to just lean on the wall while elias got his quick catch up, waving at matt instead. halftime was almost over. you should be heading back now.

“—not the best one though.”

“—no, sasha is definitely the best wag.”

i swear, the word ‘wag’ triggers you like nothing else.

you tried not to look around, but to your left, you could make out two bodies mingling with each other. both wearing light blue tops with stylish jeans and trainers, the two girls waiting outside the bathroom, trying to talk quietly between then in a mumbled manner.

you were a mum - you had mastered your hearing to hear the grass grow.

“–but sasha’s not pregnant?”

“–but if she was, she’d have a cute bump, not . . ”

their silence had you believe they’d glance in your direction, and it took every bone in your body not to stare dead on at them with a smile to let them know you heard every word - but you didn’t. you played oblivious and stayed watching eli, a forced sweet smile on your lips.

“–foden’s girl always has a cute little bump too!”

“–oh my god, yes. she’s stunning.”

“–he’s stunning too, to be fair.”

“eli, come on son!” you wanted to bang your head on the wall not wanting to endure the conversation anymore. now you’d tune in, you couldn’t tune out.

“–ok. bye matt! see you later,” he didn’t waste a second to return to you. “see you soon, buddy!”

you waved at matt and led him through the crowds, not meaning to hold his hand so tight until he pointed it out. “ow, ma, you’re hurting me.”

“sorry baby.” you didn’t sound sorry but you felt utterly hot and bothered. and not in the good way.

for some unreasonable reason, a small line of carts drove through the halls, and you stood against the wall as they passed by, holding your son by his shoulders. you could hear a small utter of whispers from your side but refused to turn your head. you really needed to fucking sit down.

“—dias’ girl! look at the size of her!”

“–rob that’s so mean! she’s pregnant!”

“WOW!” eli stole your attention as he almost stepped out in front of a last minute one zooming by. you smiled, and quickly manoeuvred him on your way.

“keep going, keep going,” you shuffled behind him in the stands, but stopped amidst a waiting line as someone caused hassle. your foot kicked something. “oh i’m so sorry!”

you accidentally tapped your foot to a lady’s handbag, but she smiled and waved you off. “you’re alright, don’t worry!” shortly adding, “i’m not surprised!” glancing to your belly.

it wasn’t malicious, but it was about to be the last straw of some floodgates. “ha! i know . . I’m like a whale.”

“how far along are you?” her friend asked.

“about 7-8 months,” you smiled sweetly, ignoring the fact they didn’t assure you that you didn’t look like a whale. thanks.

“oh wow!”

“i know,” you fake laughed. why wasn’t this line moving?

“is it twins or just the one?”

you tried to stop your eye twitching. who in the right kind said that?! was that . . a backhanded compliment?! what that even a compliment?! or was she genuinely asking in a stupid and nosey manner? “no, but it feels like it,” you fake laughed, and they did too. twats.

“oh my! you’re so big!”

“he or she will be a big boy or girl,” the other corrected with her pint in hand, knowing her friend’s words had just flown out of her mouth.

“yeah . .” you were done with this conversation but you didn’t dare be rude. thankfully, the line moved, and they waved goodbye. “congratulations!”

“thank you!” you replied, turning back around, mouthing absolute knobheads.

“mum, i don’t think you’re a whale,” eli’s hand patted your own that rested on his shoulder, bringing you back down to earth.

your heart thumped and although he didn’t look at you, your heart melted to a puddle as you squeezed his shoulders and ruffled his hair, knowing you’d embarrass him with a kiss. “thank you baby. you’re always to sweet to me.”

and he was. you actually . . wanted to cry. shock.

“hey!” ines greeted. “where’d you guys go?”

you only shook your head and nodded to you son who was standing again, ready and recharged for more yelling. you felt ines squeeze your hand and you looked at her, “are you ok? you look . .”

“yeah, i’m fine,” you dabbed your eyes and put your sunglasses back on. “just . . stupid stuff, and then e said something really sweet and i just,” you held your heart which made her laugh and reassure her for the time being. “ok, but . . you can tell me, y’know?”

“just being emotional,” you said the obvious, making her laugh as you leaned into her for support.

you would tell her later, but right now, you were going to use the rest of the game as your excuse to start screaming.

-

the game ended on a win. you saw rúben briefly when the players walked around and applauded, and eli mirrored his excitement and happiness, waving and calling to him as he spotted you guys. he was ecstatic you could make it.

it was after 6 by the time you got home and settled. you were about to order food when you second guess your options, today’s events replaying in your mind:

look at the size of her!

sasha would have a cute bump.

you’re so big!

you knew you were pregnant but there were far nicer things to say to a pregnant lady. what a bunch of assholes.

instead, you cooked some carbs up for eli and made yourself a seperate dinner, feeling the need to watch what you were eating now - you’d be giving birth soon and all those pregnancy cravings didn’t just leave when the baby came. you weren’t silly - you weren’t going to deprive yourself of food, but maybe they had a point - why wasn’t your bump considered cute? was it hard to tell you were pregnant? what were you doing differently?

you were on the verge of calling sasha and asking her what she put in her green smoothies when the door opened.

“meu amor?”

“in here champ,”

something rúben didn’t expect to see what you lying on the couch with a salad balanced on your bump, and you munching away like it was a 5-star dish. “what’s this about . . ?” he smiled sceptically, dropping his bag to the floor.

“what’s what?”

“that.” he nodded to your plate.

you shrugged. “took a notion for it.”

“for . . a salad?” he clarified, looking down at you, entertained in some sense.

your craving for the last 5 months had been anything with chocolate frosting on it. rúben had watched you talk yourself out of buying a tub of it on its own because you knew if was weird and would have to bake go use it.

“yeah.”

to be fair, the salad was tasty, and you were enjoying it but . . at 7 months pregnant? rúben tilted his head. “where’s eli?”

“is his room.”

“he had salad too?”

“he had pasta and garlic bread.”

now he knew something was up. you? not eating garlic bread? italian in general?

someone had said something to you.

he looked at you concerningly, but he was too afraid to ruin the peaceful moment. you seemed calm. he had won a game and you were in a good mood today. baby boy or girl mustn’t be giving you too much trouble so that was a win in itself. so he just leaned down and kissed you lovingly. “hi.”

“hi,” you smiled, pecking him three more times before he rose again. “well done today.”

“thank you,” his hand touched your belly for about two seconds before you swept it off smoothly with your own, squeezing it instead. you smiled up at him again, “love you.”

he kissed you again trying to hide his confusion – but something was up. you were being odd. “love you too.”

and he left and headed for eli’s room, leaving you to let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding before slouching again and continuing with your dinner.

-

the rest of that evening, rúben was correct. you weren’t yourself.

your mind was somewhere else, and your head wasn’t out of your phone. constantly scrolling, you had overanalysed every picture captured of you today and tried not to nitpick. reading comments. comparing yourself. he wondered what you were doing.

but everyone else did have small bumps. everyone’s looked so cute. they didn’t use pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever they wanted or slack with self-care. they still wore tight clothing. they still looked gorgeous. you began to compare yourself to all these other wives and girlfriends on the page, wondering how on earth they looked that good.

ummmm, ‘cause maybe they’re 12 weeks along and you’re triple that?

the next morning, rúben kissed you in the kitchen before leaving. “what’s that?”

“what?”

“that,” he nodded to the drink in your hand.

“a smoothie?”

“for breakfast?”

“well yeah,” you furrowed your brows, and he immediately shook his head, pulling that judgemental, disapproving look you sometimes wanted to punch. “no, no, come on, don’t be silly, now,” he almost laughed, “you need to eat something proper.”

“it’s a smoothie, it has everything i need in it?”

“y/n, make something to eat. you’re almost 8 months pregnant for crying out loud,” he looked at you seriously. he didn’t want to sound like he was scolding you or making you feel stupid but you knew he was worried about the lack.

overprotective rúben had always been a constant in your relationship but when you were pregnant — phew, “you got my baby in there.”

“–and he or she is looked after, it’s a healthy drink—”

he took it from your hand and kissed your cheek in the process, taking it with him to training with a smirk, “stop being lazy and cook.”

you were furious. you were actually annoyed that he had taken the drink himself and didn’t find it funny. he kissed eli’s head and the door closed, and you were left highly irritated.

you couldn’t see eli shrink, but he did, looking wide-eyed at the table as he considered his dad a brave brave man in that moment to do that to you - considering the look of your face.

and as a pregnant woman with her emotional struggling to stay in check - you lost it as they all blended together once eli was dropped off at school, sitting in a car park of a café you regretted going too now that you sat with your decaf latte and triple-choc muffin. the frustration quickly turned to tears as you had a moment, eyes in your hands, thinking over everything the last couple days.

yes you were pregnant, but was there a need to be that big? were you even that big compared to others? were you really that bad to look at? that unflattering? did it even looking like you were pregnant? the loose clothing probably didn’t help, but who wanted to wear tight clothing? pregnancy was hard - it was hard to glamourise it all the time!

you’d never cried over looking bad the first time you were pregnant, maybe once or twice when a pair of jeans didn’t fit or you couldn’t reach your shoelaces, but never over the way you felt about yourself. you actually were starting to feel disgusting, and it was embarrassing because you let randomers make you feel this way!

. . and then the pathetic-ness turned into anger because why were people such assholes?! how can they not keep an opinion to themselves?! making you feel bad about your baby!

. . and then the anger turned to guilt because your sweet little baby was just trying to grow and be healthy and you were upset over it. tears again.

you didn’t know how to fix it. the damage was already done, you had a month left, there was no going back now with salads and smoothies, you yanked your paper bag with your muffin off the floor, eating your money’s worth. rúben subconsciously popped into your head as he was probably eating some fruit salad or nutritious sandwich at this time.

oh rúben. you wished he was here but you also knew you wouldn’t want him near you at the minute, not when you weren’t feeling yourself and you had people in your comments telling you he was on his way of replacing you.

he would call you stupid, but rúben just wouldn’t understand. he wouldn’t get being on the other side, the built in competition that automatically comes with being a woman, more than ever with this lifestyle he had given you. one where you’re compared left right and centre with a certain standard to achieve.

you bet every handbag you owned, he’d screw his face up and go ‘are you serious’ if you told him your issue. he knew you were above anyone commenting stupid things on your posts and found it immature of you in a way if you did take those things to heart - i mean they were nobodies! jealous nobodies! but that’s easy for him to say, his comments are flooded with never ending support, guys praising him for his talent, physique and hard work and most girls telling him to hurry up and leave you. spamming with flame and tongue emojis, thirsting over your man just the way you did, only boosting his ego more which rúben did not need.

so you just felt silly, and picked at your muffin, accepting your were going to be a whale wag.

you felt like a slob when you got back home, staying on the couch after cleaning, and then crying except you were watching a movie to blame it on that.

you still couldn’t get comments out of your head, i mean what was an ‘expired wag?!’ or a ‘busted oven?!’ what did that mean? and why always the skull emojis?!

scrolling once again through photos of comparison, you scrolled onto a beautiful pic of your beautiful bestie, ines, and straight away phoned her. “hey.”

“hey! what’s up! what’s going on? why do you sound you out of breath?”

“why do you think?” you laughed.

“girl are you crying again?!”

and you started talking. you had to get things off your chest and you needed ines to make you feel better, to assure you and let you rant, and she happily did, after all, you’d always been there when she was having a moment.

“–what did rúben say?”

“nothing, i haven’t told him anything. he’ll just tell me i’m being ridiculous.”

“he won’t!”

“ines, he would, he’s not like bernardo. rúben’s harsh!”

“so are you! which is why i can’t believe you’re still crying over this!”

he was harsh in the good way, in the same way you were. you were both practical. real. realistic. you picked each other up and told each off when you were being ridiculous. pulled each other out their asses. brought you back down to earth.

but you just needed comforted at this current moment by your girl.

as you continued to chat and laugh more than you thought, the front door opened without your acknowledgment and rubes stepped through. freshly showered after a long morning of training, he instantly heard your voice rambling over the phone. he took notice of the tissue also crumpled on the floor by the door (you’d been carelessly tossing them for dramatic effect) and paused after he thought he’d heard a sad sniffle. he closed the door quietly and crept near the living room.

“i can’t help it, i do just feel . . blegh,” you felt like you were being ridiculous but you couldn’t help it. “like, why does everyone keep making a big fuss about it? am i really that massively huge or am i just not liked?”

he heard another woman’s laughter on your phone and recognised her as soon as she began talking to you, “y/n, i promise no one is making a fuss of it, it probably just seems in your face all the time because you keep going back to check. i promise the world is not broadcasting you,” ines chuckled sweetly, which followed your sad laugh also.

“well the wag world does!”

“y/n!” she laughed, “you’re overthinking it. i promise you have nothing to worry about. the only person who’s opinion should matter to you is rúben’s and everybody knows he has you on a pedestal!” rúben found himself smiling. he’d always been a fan of ines. “he’s called you his wife since you came to manchester! he’s always been proud to show you off, you look good - you look amazing! people are just saying that stuff about you to make themselves feel better.”

“mm, i guess,” you sniffed, holding your forehead. “i don’t know, it’s just been getting to me . . and i’m not saying to rúben because he’ll tell me i’m being stupid. i wouldn’t be surprised if he was leaving an hour earlier in the mornings to get away from me. it’s not like my looks can make up for my psycho-ness anymore,” you joked.

“y/n!” she tried not to laugh. “though, pregnancy psycho-ness is definitely real.”

it is, rúben mentally agreed also, though his heart still sank further as he heard you talk about yourself in such ways. he didn’t want to call you ridiculous but come on, you were pregnant! didn’t they all count as compliments to a pregnant lady?!

“it is,” you let out a sigh, “i wouldn’t want to be around me either, just this big angry rhino walking around the house,” you laughed together, “he goes to a paris event on friday anyway, he’ll get a break and have plenty of french models to—”

a clear of a throat had you whipping your head to the door, seeing rúben’s hard stare. your mouth went dry. “uhhh, ines i’ll call you back.”

you felt bad hanging up as she was speaking back, too shocked you’d been heard rambling for the last couple minutes. or probably longer! how long had he been standing there?!

“listen—”

“french models?! french models, y/n.”

“rúben, it’s not in context—”

“oh i heard the context, i heard everything,” he came in the room, not one spot of happiness found on his face. he was fuming. you could tell, and disappointed too, you felt like eli getting told off by him, throwing yourself back into the couch as he stood with that gruff, intimidating look, hands shoved in his pockets.

“you don’t get it—” you could already feel the tears welling in your eyes, though a pit of frustration was brewing in your chest hot and fast. this was going one of two ways.

“what don’t i get? you don’t tell me what’s wrong when i ask you!”

“‘cause you wouldn’t understand!”

“ok but what i do understand is my wife accusing me of what? getting to pick which ‘french model’ i want to take home next week?”

now your face fell flat, realising how ridiculous and cruel that sounded. you shouldn’t accuse him of that kind of stuff.

“rubes, i just—” your mouth felt dry again. tears brimming again, you could feel how hot they were. the words were on the tip of your tongue but you didn’t know how they were gonna come out.

“what is it? tell me,” he pushed, eager for you to actually get out what you wanted to say so he could help sort it. “i’m here to listen.”

and you did, you unleashed it all. “people are assholes. your fans are assholes. i’m sorry but i cannot believe the stuff people have no issue saying to other people - pregnant people at that! as if the 9 months aren’t hard enough, i have this mob of men and women on my back, judging and critiquing my every outting. i can’t do it anymore, it’s actually ruining whatever self-confidence i have left!” the tears were streaming as you began your rant, choking down sobs as you moved your hands, a fury behind all the sadness.

rúben crouched down, wanting to be nearer as you let it all out. “every day, every hour, i have someone online, reminding me off how big i am, how unflattering my paparazzi pic is, how whale-like i am! how hard it’s gonna be to shift this baby weight! i’m getting put in competition with every other pregnant wife and girlfriend of your teammate and showed how much better they pull it off! how gorgeous they look all the time! how their bumps are ‘cute’ and small and ‘suits them.’ i heard it myself at your game the other day! it’s like they’ve never seen an un-photoshopped pregnant woman before!” you met his eyes, realising you were probably being silly and that there were bigger problems in the world. “i just feel disgusting, rúben. i never felt like this with eli, i was in this perfect little bubble but this time so different. i don’t want to leave the house when i know a monstrosity of photos are getting taken of me, pointing out every flaw. i don’t have a cute, small bump! i do look like a whale! i can’t dress sexy! and i get what people are saying when they say it’ll be a bit before you can look at me again ‘cause god knows—”

“shh,” he quickly silenced you, placing a finger to your lips. his brows were furrowed as yours did, fed up of hearing you ramble about all the bad things about yourself. he felt pain in a way. he just couldn’t believe you actually thought these things about yourself. “wha�� . . . are you being serious?”

“OH MY GOD!” you threw your arms up. see!

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry, meu amor,” his big hands softly caressed your legs in front of him, along your smooth thighs to stop you from exploding again, “i’m sorry. it’s just . . i . . it annoys me that you let these things get to you, these random, strange people that you don’t even know. you take their opinion over mine. so mine doesn’t matter, it doesn’t count?” he looked you deeply in the eye, “how does that make sense? explain that to me.”

your head hit the cushion as you groaned but rúben held your hands comfortingly. he didn’t want to make you feel stupid, but he wanted to hear your thought process. “to me, it’s like . . you have the choice of walking into a room full of all these people who hate you, and you know the hate you, after being in one full of people you love . . and you go into the hateful one and are surprised that all these people are saying all these bad things about you when you could have just left it alone and focused on the lovely ones - from people who matter to you! who are actually in your life! do you understand?”

you nodded along, entranced by his eyes and how they were able to ground you alone. “you know that i think you’re the best thing in the world. you know i would love you if—” he thought off the top of his head, “you had 10 extra toes. a third eye. if you had a cow nose. elf ears!” your hair slipped silkily through his fingers, “you know i think you’re the most beautiful woman ever even dressed in a trash bag. i would still love you if you did wear trash bags. if you had a cow nose. if you weighed the same as a cow. if you weighed the same as a baby cow,” you broke a chuckle at that. “i’ve loved you through our ugly teen years, when i shaved my hair and your eyebrows were stick thin,” you laughed more as he let out a breath of relief, “i loved you when with vomit down your shirt and your hair dyed that weird colour—”

“rúbennn . .”

“what? and i loved you when you had eli in your stomach, and he was big baby,” his hand touched your belly, moving it in the same motion he always did because that’s when he got to feel the small kicks of this baby dias. “i loved you even more even when i saw how he came out,” he shot you a wildered look.

you facepalmed, dragging your hand down dreadfully at the thought of having to relive that moment all over again in over a months time.

his features turned as his thoughts turned sour, “why are you letting stupid fucking people affect you?”

“i don’t know . . i guess ‘cause so many people are saying it i . . it must be true to some extent—”

“y/n—”

“seriously, rúben. i don’t have a cute, small bump. ines and rebecca are always such sweet—”

“Y/N! have you SEEN the size of bernardo and phil next to me! is it any wonder they’re small! their child comes out the same size as them!” his hand shot out with passion.

now your head was in your hand with muffled laughter, caught off guard by his statement. “seriously! seriously, now you’re supposed to be the smart one,” he tried to look at you, that loving smile shining your way as his heart sang at the sound of you laughter. “you’re shocked that me, that we, have big babies . . that ines has a much smaller bump than you . . are you serious? that rebecca has a smaller bump than you? rebecca, phil and elway stacked on top of each other wouldn’t even reach the height of me!”

“rúben,” you laughed, feeling an actual blush of embarrassment coat your face at how stupid he’d made you feel, but in a good way.

he was so right. what were you thinking?

“i’m like, the biggest guy on the team! sorry i didn’t realise that was gonna be a problem for you,” you lightly hit his shoulder to wrap up the sarcasm, still giggling. he looked at you from the floor, his hands still on you, on your leg on bump — the bump that he did make look small next to his hand. “and please remember you’re a month away from giving birth, you’re supposed to be a healthy size. and i been going to training an hour earlier ‘cause i know when this one comes along, i’ll not want to go as much and i’ll want to stay with you both. i’ll start working on my dad bod . .” he felt the small, subtle movement happening inside, but he could feel them if he kept still enough.

“you’d look good with both.” you rolled your eyes.

“and you’d still look better. y/n, you’re not a whale. please stop saying that,” he finally crept to his feet, climbing on the couch on top of you, leaning his arm behind your head. “you are the most beautiful-est woman to me and no-one, NO-ONE can convince me otherwise. you’re my standard of perfect, of gorgeous and sexy and all the rest of it. i’ve found you sexy before this baby, during this baby, and after this baby — i still get comments of people telling me how ugly i look when you’re next to me! you bring my value down!”

his arm wrapped around your neck while the other threw itself over your bump, shifting and snuggling into the sofa more comfortingly, you relaxed alongside him, the tears no trickling down but with good reason behind them as you were shocked to find your love growing even more for rúben when you thought it was impossible. “i don’t know what comments you’re seeing because all i see are the ones calling you a milf, and it takes too much time to try and report them all.”

you held his hand at your shoulder, his lips kissing your cheek repeatedly, over and over again. you knew how much he loved you. “yeah, you’re right. fans are just . . assholes.”

“fans are assholes,” he agreed, stroking your cheekbone, “. . don’t listen to them. you think i listen to everything they say about me?” he perked a brow.

sometimes! you wanted to say but knew better. it was rhetorical question, and you knew his sweet intentions.

“alright? i don’t so why should you? you’re hot stuff babe,” he looked at the side of your face, inspecting every little freckle and faint scar, he just wanted to never stop kissing you. “i love you the way you are. eli loves you for the way you are, and this baby,” he rubbed circles on your belly, “he or she is going to be so unbelievably lucky when they see who they have as their mam. i know it’s not the smallest bump but i think it’s the cutest i’ve ever saw, with my baby girl or boy in there,” he kissed the size of your stomach. he grew more and more excited each day as he got a day closer to meeting who was inside. he couldn’t wait. “. . who they get their good looks from and skill and personality - well, i mean i would like to take some credit for the both of those ‘cause i mean their daddy is pretty c—”

you playfully jabbed his side, making him laugh. “yeah, he’s the hottest one on the field,” you glanced at him, kissing his cheek.

one thing about him, he’d always blessed you with beautiful children.

“yeah, and their mum is coolest one at the school pick up,” his lips trailed along your cheek to your jaw, the slight scruff of his beard tickling you. “you’re the biggest milf to walk the planet–”

“rúbennn,” you chuckled, blushing at his words whilst trying to push him away.

“i’m serious,” he proceeded, peppering kissed down your neck, “and she’s coming to paris with me for the weekend so she can outshine me like she does at every event she comes to.”

you laughed at that, smiling dreamily as he proceeding to love on you.

“and eli?”

“elias gets to stay with his favourite uncle who owes a favour,” he winked.

“hmm. ok.”

“and i’ll give her a reason to cry if she starts thinking like that again,” he whispered in your ear.

your heart slipped a beat. “oh yeah?”

“ohh yeahhh,” he nodded, standing to his feet, not before a loud ‘smack’ echoed the room as he mimicked what your poor backside would get if you kept up that kind of behaviour. “see you upstairs, mama.”

you blew your hair from your face, heart thumping, your hands slowly crept up to your adorable little bump where you caressed it gently as he headed for upstairs, whispering softly, “you are soo lucky he’s your papai.”

your heart raced as he peeled his hoodie off, back muscles staring right at you as he headed for your room, you felt your insides begin to sizzle.

— but you were even luckier he was your husband.

[ken-jaku]

happy valentine. zayne from love and deepspace

content warnings. smut, fem!reader, use of drugs (aphrodisiacs in choco-covered strawberries ), evol malfunctions, zayne's got a huge dick, inspired by mr. & mrs. smith, fucking you full nelson, cervix-hitting but realistic? aka it hurts like a bitch (might do a fantasy one next time idk), reverse cowgirl, riding, creampie oops, mentions of impregnating (could be just be a kink, up to interpretation), erm.. mentions of sharing wine.. via the mouth.. in a lewd way

word count. 1.3k (done in a timestamp format)

8:00PM

the two of you found solace in italy, going there for vacations whenever zayne was granted his leave of absence.

with his money saved and ready to spend on you, he bought a secluded house surrounded by a lake and mountainous terrain. it was perfect, especially for a guy like zayne who wasn't entirely a fan of pda but liked the idea of it.

zayne catches you outside, lying on an armchair, drinking your wine as you watch the sun disappear into the freshwater body. your skin looked oh, so radiant as golden hour did its job. sun-kissed skin, plump lips sipping your wine and your eyes appeared lighter than usual thanks to the beaming light.

"started without me, i see? did you bring them?" you smile, craning your neck to look at the tall man behind you.

"mhm!" you pull out a box of chocolate-covered strawberries, taking a bite of one before handing the rest over to your boyfriend. taking them, he takes a seat in the chair beside you.

8:25PM

"c'mere," zayne's words came out in pants, his face damp with sweat while you were practically drowning in your own. the aphrodisiacs were finally kicking in.

smiling, you take a sip of your wine before leaning over to kiss him. zayne wastes no time in prodding your mouth with his tongue, the kiss getting sloppy unusually fast as you two share the small drops of wine between you.

you break the kiss to put down your glass of wine, turning your face away from his for just a moment. as you're about to turn back, you find zayne standing right in front of you, impatience riddling his core. he bends over, his hand grabbing your neck as his lips find yours again.

just as he's about to lift your shirt, a loud firework startles the both of you.

"oh, fuck-" you almost shout before laughing. the startled look on zayne's makes you swoon- his eyes wide as his mouth parts just slightly. he's just so cute! the man can only rest his head on your chest in a sulky manner as he tries to calm his heart. you had honestly scared him more than the fireworks did.

his sneaky hands still find their way under your shirt and on your tits in an attempt to save the mood- as well as for his own pleasure... and comfort.

but you just can't hold in your laugh as you replay the image of zayne almost shitting himself, "i'm so-sorry." you snicker. zayne sighs, his eyebrows furrowed as he looks at you. your hand over was your mouth, cheekbones struggling to stay down as you just couldn't resist smiling. god, were you gorgeous.

8:30PM

"hm- fuck!" the atmosphere was no longer light-hearted. the sound of skin on skin with the distant drums of music and laughter from the festival across the lake could be heard.

zayne had you in full nelson. his thick cock bullying its way up into your cunt at a delicious speed. his cheeks were flushed red, lips bleeding as he broke the skin from biting it too much- too focused on pleasuring you. he also hopes that pounding you is enough for you to forget about the scare earlier.

the aphrodisiac fucking with your bodies gave you two an increased sense of pleasure, senses heightening as all he could think about was your pussy wrapped around his cock.

"fuck, you feel so good." he grunts. all you can do is helplessly moan as you look down at the sight before you. his cock was angled so right but zayne, not thinking straight, attempts to bottom out inside of you. he successfully does it... at your expense. holding you tighter, he pounds you, rapidly hitting your cervix a numerous amounts of time.

the pain makes you jolt as you hiss, tears welling, "zayne! fuck, it hurts! stop!"

zayne, himself, is startled. stopping his movements, he tends to you.

"are...are you alright?"

"fuck, zayne that really hurt. you know not to go that deep!" you pout, his dick still in you, deliciously filling you to the brim and deliciously filing your brain with him, your teary eyes severely dilated. he's not gonna lie, you saying that, especially with that face, made his dick twitch.

"fuck-baby. i'm sorry," he pants, "do you want to stop?"

"i wanna continue... just don't do it again," you mumble, a slight ache running through your body as you begin to ride his cock, your back facing him. moans start to build up again as the two of you continue to chase that high.

"hmm- d-does it feel good?" the sentence sounds borderline pornographic when you say it, chasing his validation. your thighs shake as zayne grabs your tits to squeeze, teeth biting at your collarbone as he lets you use him.

"mhm, so good, pretty girl. so good." he whispers even more praises by your ear, stumbling over most of his words considering he can't seem to keep a single notion in his head. the way you have him wrapped around your finger makes you smile and you lift yourself off of your lover to turn around and face him. you just had to see that pretty face before you came. sinking yourself back down on his cock, you speed up, the constant praises were doing wonders for your ego.

"mmphf- you're so pretty zayne. so pretty," you smile deliriously, " 'n i'm so happy i get to be with you-fuck!" your head finds its way to zayne's neck. diving nose first, you snuggle into him while his arms find their way around your waist, hugging you tight as he basks in the proximity.

"shit. are you close?" your thighs were beginning to burn but the way his burly cock jabbed at your spot, you couldn't let up- not when your orgasm was closely approaching.

zayne can only nod as his eyes roll back into his head. you were fucking him dumb. cunt clamping around his dick so deliciously.

"gonna-cum." your boyfriend chokes out, his hand reaching for your waist to lift you off him but you don't budge. shaking your head, you babble some words coherently while the others make no sense at all, "cum inside me. gimmeababy, please, fuck a baby up into me."

wasting no time, zayne attempts to meet your thrusts just enough so it doesn't hurt you again and instead coaxes both your highs with the utmost pleasure, his hands gripping your waist roughly.

"zayne, i'm cum-ming!" you cry out, nails digging into his collarbones and he follows right after you, spurting load after load inside of you, a whiny moan leaving him in the process as his evol malfunctions- frost covering his palm and your waist, specifically where his nails dug into. finally coming to your senses, blinking slowly, you feel the wet coldness, your body shivering despite the warm temperatures. looking down, you spot the transparent crystals sticking you to your boyfriend.

"zayne?" you whisper as you shudder. he hums, looking at you before he spots the crystals in the corner of his eyes. he stares at it, blinking once. twice. jolting up, he accidentally bucks his hips up into you, causing you both to hiss at the overstim, as he realizes what he was looking at was, in fact, real.

"shit, i'm sorry. you okay?" you nod, curiously poking at the crystals.

zayne closes his eyes in an attempt to relax, allowing the crystals to shrink in size before ultimately disappearing. he kisses your cheek, murmuring apologies as he runs his hand alongside your cold waist.

"you don't have to apologize... it's not you'll give me frostbite." you joke though zayne doesn't take it lightly, humming in response.

"happy valentines day, my love." zayne kisses your hand, his thumb rubbing it softly.

"mmm, happy valentines." you say drowsily, rubbing your cheek against his chest.

the two of you sit there, basking in the afterglow and silence as you watch the fireworks in the sky, cuddled up against each other.

with his cock still stuffing you full, of course!

note. dis shit late asl especially considering i wrote this so long ago, so sawry y'all! also the "fuck, zayne that really hurt." section kinda gave me ideas but i shan't speak on them. oh lawdy!

[milkoomi]

the basics of health & wellness. ᥫ᭡

a lot of us strive to be that health & wellness icon, but unfortunately we might stumble upon the struggle of trying to figure out where to start. we come across so many health & wellness accounts, creators, videos, books, etc. that might quickly become overwhelming and we just end up lost on where to begin. so let this little guide on the basics be your starting position!

let’s begin …

୨ৎ — physical basics

a lot of the time when we think of “health and wellness”, we think about our physical body. we look for workout routines, we might subscribe to a gym membership, we might try and follow workout youtube videos— but, we always somehow end up losing track of keeping up with that kind of physical activity, especially when we jump right into it.

start small! when i say we’re going to talk about the basics, i mean the very bare minimum basics.

make sure you’re getting enough sleep!

that 7-8 hours of sleep is absolutely vital for your physical health. i made this guide on how to get better sleep that i recommend for those who might struggle with getting a good amount of rest at night!

your body needs to rest and recharge. it needs to go into that sleep mode so that the next day you feel energized!

getting a good amount of sleep each night is an overall basic health and wellness tip! sleep doesn’t have just physical benefits, but it also benefits your mental and emotional well-being too!

drink water daily!

2-3 liters is that sweet spot for water intake, so let that be a daily goal for yourself! even if it’s one glass of water every morning, make sure you’re staying hydrated.

what helped me increase my water intake was by getting myself a super cute water bottle! i have this pastel colored owala water bottle and i’m absolutely obsessed with it and since i love it so much i’ve just been more inclined to drink more water!

stay away from the late night snacks!

i’ve been making it a goal for myself to not eat after, at the latest, 7:30pm. with that, i also try to refrain from getting myself a late night snack.

your stomach needs time to digest all the food you’ve eaten at dinner, and doctors/nutritionists always say not to eat 2-3 hours before going to sleep! going to bed with a full stomach can cause digestive problems, and we’re trying to promote health and wellness for ourselves! not make it worse for us!

get your body moving!

even if it’s going for a short walk or getting up from the couch to stretch or dancing around in your room, you need to start moving your body! get it used to physical activity before you start trying workout routines or going to the gym or following a youtube workout video.

if you’re already a little experienced with physical activity, keep your workout routines simple and short! find beginner level youtube workout videos! again, start small. don’t try to force yourself by diving in head first into something intense!

୨ৎ — mental/emotional basics

health and wellness also means making sure your mental and emotional health & well-being are in check. you can’t do physical activities if your mind isn’t in the right place!

journal, journal, journal!

i talk about journaling A LOT, and i’m going to keep reiterating it over and over again because it works! writing down your thoughts/feelings, brain dumping, creating gratitude lists, writing down daily affirmations; it all truly helps to get yourself into a better headspace!

digital detox

sometimes, it really is that damn phone! social media can be so toxic and draining, so spend some time away from it! i’m going to hold your hand when i say this: doomscrolling on tiktok or instagram reels isn’t going to make you feel better. log out and go do something else!

read a book, journal (told you i’d bring it up again), go for a walk, chat/hangout with a friend/loved one, clean your room, take an everything shower, dance around in your room; just do something that doesn’t involve your phone!

if you want to be on your phone, maybe create a vision board on pinterest or go into your notes app and journal that way! you can also go on youtube and watch inspirational videos/podcasts or any content creators that motivate you or make you feel good.

୨ৎ — spiritual basics

this may or may not apply to you, and if it doesn’t you can go ahead and skip this part! but if it does apply to you, then stay tuned!

your spirituality can be compromised when your health and wellness needs aren’t being met. if you’re a believer in God or you believe in another higher being or the universe, try to get yourself reconnected with your spirituality!

write down prayers/affirmations/manifestations

here i am with the journaling bit again, but seriously, write it down! get into the habit of writing these things down for yourself. you can start your day with writing this stuff down or you can end your day doing so!

consume media that inspires you

youtube videos, podcasts, books, articles, essays, whatever it is just find something that you feel helps you connect with your spiritual side and immerse yourself in it!

it could be content about manifesting, content about God, content about tarot cards/readings; anything that brings you closer with your spirituality.

୨ৎ — final notes

i want to give you guys a little bit of an assignment: write and reflect on your current health and wellness. what are some aspects of it that are going really well? what are some things that still need some work? how are you going to implement healthier habits into your routine?

living healthier and promoting your personal wellness for yourself doesn’t have to be complicated. it’s okay to start off with smaller goals! the health and wellness content creators you see have all started off with the basics and the basics have helped them grow! just because it’s a small act or a tiny change, it doesn’t mean you aren’t going to see big improvements!

with lots of love, faustina 🌷

[pshcomforts]

➳ afterglow | psh. — requested

non!idolsunghoon x olderfem!reader (feat. mark from nct)

“tell me this love is worth the fight”

synopsis: you forgot a special celebration with sunghoon, leading you guys to argue.

warnings/content: written in third pov. angst to fluff! slightly suggestive at the end (but nothing happens). age gap! (sunghoon’s 21, and reader’s 23). cursing! not proofread. sunghoon doubts himself :(

comments, likes, and reposts are appreciated :)

word count: 3.5k

a/n: message request.

༘˚⋆𐙚｡masterlist⋆.✧˚

current song playing: afterglow by taylor swift

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

1:28 ───────|──────────── -2:14

tick. tick. tick.

the clock ran faster within each minute y/n glanced back at it.

a sigh left her throat as she focused back onto her computer — typing in data to keep the files updated.

the girl worked an office job in her early twenties. it wasn’t as ideal, but for a paid internship, she had to take it.

months had passed since she started the job, and whispers of a promising position had been hinted each day she walked in.

and since then, y/n’s attempted to keep her score of being a trusting employee on a streak by staying past office hours.

she was a workaholic, if you will.

but who could blame her? the pay was good, and the work was her field of interest.

however, today was not one of those days she was willing to stay late for.

it couldn’t.

today marked her 1000 day anniversary with her boyfriend, park sunghoon.

her lovely, patient boyfriend who was younger than her by two years. the boy was in his early twenties, barely getting the hang of life with college.

a few significant dates had already been missed with the internship in the way, so she couldn’t possibly miss this one.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

a quick buzz formed in y/n’s pockets, allowing her to take a swift glance at her phone.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ 1000 day celebration with hoonie ੈ♡˳ ࿐ྂ

she groaned out a sigh as she felt a sudden pressure weigh in at her heart.

“just a little longer,” her voice mumbled before staring down at the time.

[ 4:37pm ] — it beamed.

just a few hours left and she’d soon be in sunghoon’s forgiving arms.

“hey y/n,” a deep voice called out to her, snapping the girl out of her guilt-eating thoughts.

she turned to her superior, mark, who was wearing a friendly smile.

“yeah?” she tried to sound cheerful.

“i know you get off soon, but with your hard work noticed, i was wondering if you could help out with a little more paper work?” he uttered with puppy eyes. “it’s just.. the way you file and organize suits how i usually go in on it. would it be okay?”

y/n froze in her tracks, conflicted with her options — leave work as planned for the important date with sunghoon, or further impress the manager for a permanent job.

“it wouldn’t take long, would it?” she chewed her cheek, lips almost bleeding with how much she awaited for an answer.

mark gave a light chuckle. “no, i wouldn’t make you stay too late, y/n. you always do that to yourself.”

the girl awkwardly laughed in return, murmuring empty words of how much effort she was willing to put in for the company before he left her with the paperwork.

her original plan of leaving early from such an exhausting shift had taken a pause as she huffed at the amount of files in front of her.

“shouldn’t take too long..,” she tried to reassure under her breath.

in seconds, y/n dove into the piles of paperwork — attempting to finish on time.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

[ 6:48pm ]

time was slipping through her fingers and the girl wasn’t even noticing it.

minutes passed within each time she glanced back at the clock, irking her to go quicker.

she had to finish on time, she just had to, at least before 9:30pm.

[ 8:21pm ]

coworkers around were now finishing their shift, leaving their cubicles to clock out for the night — leaving y/n with a few others.

“come on, i’m almost there.” she whispered to herself, sweat nearly dripping down her face with how much work she was powering through.

“good night, y/n!” — a few workers would beam to her, causing her to give a quick wave before going back to her job.

[ 9:18pm ]

the whole building was nearly abandoned now. the only remaining employees were mark, y/n, and about two more workaholics.

she was almost done. almost.

with such little time left, panic began to exude in the girl’s body.

“12 more minutes.. please,” she sighed.

a quick glance to the time was made before she decided to shut down every time displayed in front of her.

it was risky, but looking at the clock would only emit more anxiety to finish.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

soon enough, the filing job had run its course, and y/n was done.

“finally!” she beamed, stretching out every bone in her body.

her tired eyes glanced everywhere for the time before she realized her method of avoidance from earlier.

“did i make it..?” she questioned, but with every nervous breath she took, it was obvious she had no hope she did.

slowly, the girl lifted her phone to check the time.

[ 10:03pm ]

her fatigued body froze at the bright screen before feeling it defrost with a shiver to the spine.

she felt her breath get heavy as she searched for a message from sunghoon — just anything that may ease the guilty pressure on her heart.

but nothing.

no messages, no calls — nothing.

y/n bit her teeth together, clenching her jaw in regret.

sunghoon had been looking forward to their 1000 day celebration, and she failed him.

a shaky sigh left her throat as her hands fisted in shame.

“hey y/n,” a voice spoke from behind, causing her body to tense.

“oh, hey mark.” she murmured back, mind still flooded with sunghoon.

“you’re still here? i got your files, you’re good to go,” he responded. “by the way, i really appreciate your work here. i hope the ceo considers you here long term.”

y/n sighed in relief as a reply, body taking its final hit of exhaustion from sitting all day.

“you’re a great worker,” mark continued with a polite smile.

a few rewarding compliments remained to run through his mouth, allowing her to get a slight ego boost.

she beamed a smile towards him, truthfully forgetting about how much she had failed sunghoon.

“i hope to see more of this from you soon, y/n. we’re the last here so i gotta lock up.” her superior uttered to her.

the girl nodded her head before gathering her things and leaving for the boy to do as he said.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

the drive home from work was quiet.

y/n was worn out from the constant piles of paper work and to be quite frank, all she wanted was some peace and quiet.

the only thing that ran through her mind was how much mark had sweet talked to her about her work skills.

it was promising to hear all of that, and she couldn’t wait to tell it to her boyfriend — her boyfriend who waited hours for her.

but her energy was still wearing thin. every muscle movement she made in the car caused an aching bruise to form.

so when she arrived home, her hands slowly creaked the door open.

a sigh left her throat as she entered in.

everything was quiet and sunghoon couldn’t be found until she glanced to her left. the boy was sitting on the couch in silence, eyes lost in a daze and face blank with no expression presented.

then it hit her.

her blameworthy actions came back to guilt her once she found her person stiffly sitting down.

y/n took a gulp. she was the older one, but she knew how he was during arguments like these. she knew he was one to stay silent just to keep his emotions together.

“hoonie..?” the girl nervously mumbled, almost a whisper to his ears.

sunghoon only stood with a click to the tongue, jaw firmly clenching as he walked to the kitchen.

the atmosphere was quickly filled with tension in how much he ignored her.

“hoon?” she called out once more, only to get a slight glance back as a response.

the boy continued to gulp down some type of beverage, actively letting her presence go unnoticed.

y/n groaned in return, watching his petty efforts become the consequences of her own actions.

but truth be told, she was tired.

she was working all day, back to back with no break whatsoever and all she wanted was to get some sleep.

“sunghoon,” she sighed. “please, i’m sorry. i’m exhausted and work just kept pulling me back. my superior wanted me to file more before my shift ended and i-“

“work this and work that, that’s all we’re gonna talk about isn’t it?” hoon angrily spat, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. the boy ignored the mention of mark with how pissed he was.

✩ ‘fighting with a true love’ ✩

all y/n could do was pause at his outburst.

“i’m sorry, sunghoon, i’m tired and-“

“and i was waiting for you all day to come home for our celebration.” he cut off once more, teeth biting down to mush away the heart aches.

✩ ‘is boxing with no gloves’ ✩

sunghoon finally turned after softly slamming the drink down onto the counter. his darkened eyes met hers, burning holes before quickly tearing up.

“i know..,” she bit her lips, shutting her eyes to avoid her heart breaking at his gaze. “i’m so sorry, sunghoon, i am. i just couldn’t leave, staying after hours just promised me a permanent position. please understand, this is what i’ve been working for.”

hoon scoffed. “are you in a relationship with me or your work?”

she exasperated a sigh before walking to the living room and slumping down on the couch. almost instantly, her body felt the soft, cushioned seats that welcomed her — allowing her to feel drained again.

“please, hoon, i’m tired-“

“that’s how our arguments always end, doesn’t it? you forget a date of ours, then you come home and you say you’re tired, then we’re fine the next day.” the male ridiculed, walking to the living room as well. “when is this gonna stop, y/n?”

“sunghoon..,”

“no, you’re saying you’re tired but i’m the tired one.”

y/n sighed as she sat up, body becoming depleted of energy. “i’m sorry but this internship is worth everything right now, and i’m doing so well with making an impression.”

“worth everything?” sunghoon reiterated with a shaky tone. “even our relationship?”

✩ ‘chemistry till it blows up, till there’s no us’ ✩

“what? no, hoon, that’s not what i meant.”

“is that what our relationship means to you?”

she looked up to his eyes that were inflamed with betrayal. “this job defines my future, sunghoon. this job is what i’ve always wanted, can’t you see that?” a hint of irritation was made present in her voice, showing that her sleep deprivation was irking her to be annoyed.

sunghoon sniffled, quickly wiping away a few tears so his girl wouldn’t feel troublesome. “i see that, y/n, i see it very clearly. i feel like i never see you anymore, in fact. you’re barely here.” his tone was firm, hinting that he was reflecting the energy back.

“this job is for our future too, sunghoon. i’m working to get a good position for financial stability.” y/n uttered, feeling her droopy eyes threaten to close. her mind quickly recalled back to their slight age gap as she felt the weigh of carrying it all on her shoulders.

“our future? you really think there’s gonna be a future with us when i never see you anymore?” the boy murmured, fists clenching with every word that left his mouth.

he hated what he was saying, but it was the truth.

however, her heart still dropped when she processed what he had uttered.

“you don’t think there’s a future with us..?” she took a particularly harsh gulp as tears finally streamed down her cheeks.

“you’re never here, y/n. how can there be a relationship if it’s only one person putting effort?” sunghoon responded, tears taking its fall for him as well.

the two stayed quiet.

no more raised voices and no more hushed words.

they both had reasons to be mad at each other, but they couldn’t see the others point.

y/n didn’t know what to say. her reasonings were being constantly repeated, but it seemed like it wasn’t going through his head — same with him.

“hoonie.., i’m sorry that i’m not there a lot but, i.. i’m just trying really hard to impress my superior and it’s-“

“your superior?” his soft voice squeaked. “mark..?”

the girl raised her head to peer up at him, only to find his thick brows slightly scrunched while his lips were molded into a frown.

“yes,” she sighed. “mark.”

“you stayed late on our 1000 day celebration with mark?” he uttered, voice weakening at the thought.

“yes, but mark’s just my superior. he has to be there when i work late.”

sunghoon scoffed, shaking his head with a low chuckle. no words could be formed with how much jealousy was seeping through him.

“sunghoon.”

he turned his body away from hers as a response, jaw tensing with every envy thought that she unintentionally spent their 1000 day celebration with mark.

“park sunghoon,” y/n firmly called, causing him to look at her. “you can not seriously be jealous right now.”

“jealous that he got to have time with you, and i didn’t? ridiculous.” he let a small puff of air slip by his lips before gazing back at her.

at this point, the girl was completely worn out. she wanted silence, and this argument was bringing her to her limit.

“you really can’t be jealous of mark. i’m your girlfriend, he’s a coworker; and i’m only there late because of how hard i’m working to secure this job, to ensure our financial stability.” she repeated, voice slightly raised as her patience wore thin. her body was begging to rest, and she didn’t know how much longer she could take this quarrel.

sunghoon stayed quiet, considering his choice of words before mumbling, “how much does he make?”

they locked eye contact and y/n instantly saw his teary, red eyes that begged for reassurance.

“what?” she softly asked, word almost incoherent with how much her heart shattered at his gaze.

the tall male shamed his head away, tears painting his cheeks more as he reluctantly croaked — “nothing, never mind.”

“hoon-“

she stood, body barely standing on its own,

but her boyfriend walked away with a murmur — “good night.., gorgeous.”

he still said her favorite nickname even through all of this.

before y/n could say more, sunghoon had already disappeared from her sight — walking into their bedroom without another word.

she sighed whilst sitting back down onto the couch. her boyfriend had just built a barricade around his feelings, shutting himself out to push her away and she wasn’t sure on what to do.

✩ ‘i blew things out of proportion now you’re blue’ ✩

but if he needed space, then she was gonna give it.

✩ ‘why’d i have to break what i love so much?’ ✩

so she settled down onto the couch, situating between the extra pillows and blankets kept in the closet to not disturb him any further.

it wasn’t as snug as her bed with her favorite boy, but it’d do for now.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

[ 12:52am ]

y/n was half asleep on the couch now after having dreaded doubts about their argument.

her body faced away from the opening side, giving her no possible way of catching sunghoon if he were to get up for a bathroom run.

she felt cold and stiff without him. nothing would be able to comfort her as much as his embracing warmth could.

the girl softly sniffled, feeling tears well up in her tired eyes while attempting to go to sleep.

as her heart laid heavy with her, sudden feet movements were heard from her opposing side — hinting that her boyfriend had gotten up.

she figured that it was most likely for a quick bathroom break but when she felt his arms suddenly engulf her into his chest, the weighed feeling was relieved of her.

his soft breaths against her neck only acquired the way he couldn’t sleep without her.

“sunghoon?” y/n faintly whispered against him.

“we’re still mad at each other but i just can’t sleep alone tonight,” he hoarsely said back.

a smile curled onto her lips as she turned her body to face him. the boy’s eyes were closed but she could still find traces of tinted red all around.

✩ ‘it’s on your face, and i’m to blame’ ✩

“hoonie.”

✩ ‘i need to say’ ✩

slowly, he fluttered his eyes awake with a quiet sniffle in his nose. he raised his brows ever so slightly as a response, shattering her heart in the process.

she leaned in before placing a soothing kiss on the tip of his nose.

“let’s talk,” y/n uttered, lifting her drowsy body up to sit.

sunghoon softly groaned. “it’s late, baby.” he said in a low, attractive voice.

“i know, but i want us to talk this out so we can go to sleep without any worry.”

she pulled her boyfriend up so he could sit up as well.

he exhaled a heavy sigh of his before letting the quiet atmosphere take over for a second.

“you deserve someone who can provide more,” he broke out, causing her gaze on him to immediately soften. “someone who isn’t just a lost twenty-one year old figuring out life, someone like mark.”

sunghoon felt tears spark at the rim of his eyes once his confession was let out. “you shouldn’t be..,” he paused, throat closing at his reality check. “you shouldn’t be with someone like me. i’m still a college student and.., you just deserve better.”

y/n instantly felt her heart drop with his worried doubt. she let the boy stream down tears so he could cry it out and once he did so, she muttered — “hoon, please look at me..,”

but he avoided her stare, just for a second so he wouldn’t break down again. and when he finally looked at her, she embraced him into her arms.

she wrapped herself tightly around him, hinting that she wouldn’t ever leave like he said.

the male hugged back, arms clinging around her waist as he quietly sobbed a little more.

when y/n pulled away, her hands quickly cupped his cheeks — making him look at her with his eyes that were sparkled from the tears.

“you’re doing enough, sunghoon.” she confirmed with a sniffle. “everything you’re doing is enough. i don’t need or will ever want mark, i like working like this because it gives me motivation, and i love you.”

✩ ‘i’m the one who burned us down’ ✩

her last three words were emphasized before she contently sighed and continued — “i’m sorry that i stayed late on our anniversary. i shouldn’t have because i know this day was important to you too. i’m really sorry.”

✩ ‘but it’s not what i meant, i’m sorry that i hurt you’ ✩

the boy pressed his lips together to form a bread smile. “i’m sorry too, you’re a hard worker and that’s what i love about you. i shouldn’t have said those things earlier.”

y/n wore a half smile, shaking her head afterwards to say, “i know my work schedule is difficult with yours but we’ll make it through this okay? we always do because nonetheless, this is my life and i love that you’re in it.”

the girl placed a sweet and reassuring kiss on his cheek as she said, “you’re my boyfriend and i intend to keep it that way until we hit another chapter.”

✩ ‘i don’t wanna lose, i don’t wanna lose this with you’ ✩

sunghoon’s last tears dropped for the night as he pulled her into a crying kiss.

his lips touched hers and he immediately felt relieved. a quiet groan slipped by his lips in the process, allowing y/n to smile into their kiss.

his hands firmly cupped her cheeks while hers were entangled into his messy hair.

his thick brows were deliciously scrunched together in satisfaction before they both pulled away.

“another chapter, hm? want to start that right now?” the boy teased with a grin.

“sunghoon!” she shouted back, allowing her boyfriend to chortle out laughter.

“i’m kidding!” he flashed a wide smile at her before murmuring, “i’m tired anyway.”

y/n playfully rolled her eyes before smacking his arm. “sure.., let’s just go to sleep.”

she dragged sunghoon to their bedroom, slumping her body down immediately after.

the male giggled and laid down on his side, pulling her into his chest like he always did. her hands gently rested on him as he placed chaste kisses on her forehead.

“good night, pretty girl.”

“good night, baby.”

✩ ‘meet me in the afterglow’ ✩

★・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・★

[miriellesandthegiantpeach]

A sunbeam across his face is what wakes Tommy. He cracks open an eye and reaches over Buck's shoulder to grab his phone on the nightstand. 8:25 it reads. Fuck. FUCK. He's supposed to be out the door for work in 5 minutes. He's sure he set his alarm for 7:30, he frantically checks the alarm. 7:30pm is what he set it for. Motherfucker.

His cursing and groaning are what wake Buck up, also being jostled by Tommy urgently getting out of bed.

"What's going on?" Bucks asks blearily and rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

Tommy is running around in his underwear scrambling to get his jeans and socks on, his hair a complete mess.

"I'm an idiot and set my alarm wrong and going to be late for work," Tommy explains.

Buck rolls in his side smiling at Tommy, amused at his boyfriend's frantic movements. Buck has learned that time is very important to Tommy; he's always punctual and mindful of everyone's time. He loves that about him. So when time gets the best of him, Buck finds it endlessly endearing.

"It happens, maybe you were just so comfortable in bed with me your body said 'screw it'".

Tommy throws a glare at Buck. "Cute." He definitely puts his T-shirt inside out and backwards so the tag is sticking out at his throat. And Buck is definitely not openly laughing at him.

"Don't laugh at me in this stressful time," Tommy fake demands.

"So not laughing at you," Buck chuckles. He really likes seeing behind Tommy's curtain - seeing what ruffles his feathers and being the one who gets to see all sides of Tommy.

Tommy gets somewhat put together and gathers his phone and wallet, he goes over to Buck still relaxing in bed and braces a hand next to his shoulder. He cups his hand to Buck's cheek as says, "alright, I really gotta go. Bye, baby, I'll call you later," Tommy rushes out.

Buck's eyes widen and catches Tommy's wrist. "What?" Tommy asks, impatient.

"Baby?" Buck asks and at first Tommy looks confused. Oh right - the pet name just fell out. He thinks it's even the first occurrence of petnames between them.

"Yeah, it just slipped, that okay?" One thing that Tommy will never fail to do is check in; it takes over his obsession of time.

Buck feels the butterflies flapping away and his face splitting in a sappy smile, he finds himself doing that a lot with Tommy. He hopes it never never ends. "More than okay," Buck says dazed. "One more kiss for your baby?" Buck's smile has taken over his face by now and Tommy simply cannot refuse.

"Of course," Tommy says against Buck's mouth.

***

Buck is busy simmering the home made sauce he's making for their date night dinner as Tommy walks into the kitchen. Tommy comes up behind him and places two strong hands on his hips. He places a kiss on the free skin of Buck's neck. This haircut leaves more skin exposed and Tommy takes any opportunity to give it attention.

"Mmmm smells amazing," Tommy muses. He didn't know what he did to land such a stunning and funny and smart boyfriend who can also cook, but he's not going to question it.

Buck is hyper focused on the saucepan in front of him judging by the angle of his eyebrows. "Oh hi, honey. Yeah it's almost there."

Tommy's hands tighten on Buck's hips. Warmth starts in his stomach and spreads throughout his entire body. He's made a conscious effort to be present for every milestone in their blossoming relationship, big or small. And this is the first time Buck has called him anything but 'Tommy'. He's basking in this moment and committing it to memory.

He gently pushes and pulls his hands to signal Buck to turn around. "Baby." After a few seconds Buck puts down the wooden spoons and turns around in Tommy's arms.

"Something wrong? Am I cooking something you're allergic to?" Bucks asks, concerned. He's incredibly adorable.

Tommy laughs and shakes his head. "Not at all. You just called me 'honey' and I wanted to soak in the moment."

"Oh, good," Buck says, relieved. He wraps a hand around Tommy's neck and kisses him soundly. "It kinda just slipped out, you know how I get when I'm focused," Buck says and Tommy nods. He loves that he's seeing Buck's little nuances come out. "I'll keep calling you that then," Buck smiles and his eyes are sparkling.

"Yeah, yeah. I'd like that," Tommy says quietly, reverently.

"Good. Cause I like you. I'll call you that as long as you want, honey," Buck says and kisses his cheek before turning back around.

'How about forever?' Tommy thinks. But no, that's too soon.

Not soon enough.

[libingan]

im literally writing this in the middle of an online meeting LMFAO your bitch is in college, yall!!!!!!! and i'll be on this laptop until 8:30PM hahaha..... anw this is abt reader who wants kyle to be rougher in bed so she deliberately riles him up by getting him jealous there is no sex sorry guys

sex with kyle has always been good—better than good, in fact. he’s gentle, considerate, and utterly devoted to making sure you unravel with pleasure under his touch. every time, he focuses on you, putting your needs above his, ensuring you’re satisfied before he even considers his own desires. it’s sweet, thoughtful, and exactly what you’ve always wanted. but sometimes… sometimes, you crave something different.

you can’t help but fantasize about kyle taking what he wants from you, losing control, fucking into you like you’re just a toy for him to use. you want him to be rough and domineering, to show you a side of him you’ve never seen in the bedroom. you’ve tried everything—being bratty, sassing him out, sometimes even deliberately annoying him in hopes of pushing him over the edge. but it never works. he always brushes you off with a patient smile, calm as ever, as if he’s completely immune to your provocations.

that’s when you get the idea to flirt with another man during one of your shopping trips.

the market is bustling with activity, people moving around, chatting, haggling with vendors. kyle had just excused himself to the restroom, leaving you alone to browse. it’s then that you see your opportunity.

a man about your age, maybe a bit older, with a friendly smile and an easygoing manner, starts a conversation with you as you look over a display of fresh produce.

“hey there,” he says, giving you a once-over before focusing on the vegetables in front of you. “you new around here? don’t think i’ve seen you before.”

you smile back, trying to put just enough charm into it. “yeah, just passing through with a friend. figured we’d stop by and pick up a few things.”

he nods, leaning a little closer. “well, you’re in for a treat. this market has the best stuff. need any recommendations?”

you tilt your head, pretending to consider it. “i wouldn’t mind some suggestions. maybe you could help me find something good?”

the man grins, clearly pleased with the attention. “sure thing. name’s mike, by the way.”

you introduce yourself, and the two of you chat for a bit longer. he’s friendly, flirty in a harmless kind of way, but you notice the way he keeps inching closer, his eyes lingering on you. it’s exactly what you were hoping for.

then kyle returns. you spot him out of the corner of your eye, and for a moment, you feel a pang of guilt. but you push it aside, determined to see this through. mike suddenly wraps an arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer in a way that’s casual but undeniably possessive.

kyle’s expression shifts as he watches, his brows furrowing in confusion, then anger when you do nothing to stop the man’s touch. you can see it in the way his jaw tightens, his posture stiffening as he approaches.

“hey, love,” kyle says as he comes up to you both, his voice cool but with an edge to it.

you look up at him with a smile, but before you can introduce him, mike speaks first. “oh, hey there. you must be the friend they mentioned.”

kyle’s eyes flicker with something dark, and you can practically feel the tension radiating off him. “friend?” he echoes, his voice a low rumble.

you nod, trying to keep the situation light. “yeah, this is kyle. we’re just out doing some shopping.”

kyle’s gaze locks onto yours, his eyes narrowing slightly. “right. just shopping.”

there’s a moment of silence, the air between the three of you heavy with unspoken tension. mike, seemingly oblivious, starts talking again, but you barely register his words. all you can focus on is kyle, the way his usually warm eyes have gone cold.

“let’s go,” kyle finally says, cutting mike off mid-sentence. his hand wraps around your wrist, not harshly but with enough force to make it clear he’s done playing along.

you barely manage a goodbye to mike as kyle pulls you away, his grip on your wrist firm as he leads you out of the market and towards home. the silence between you is deafening, and your heart pounds in your chest, but it’s not the thrill of anticipation you’d been hoping for. it’s something else—something almost like fear.

when you finally reach the apartment, kyle lets go of your wrist, taking a step back as he runs a hand over his face. but he says nothing. he doesn’t even look at you, just stands there, his back to you, the silence hanging heavy in the air.

“kyle…” you begin, your voice trembling as you take a step toward him. “say something, please.”

but he doesn’t respond, doesn’t turn around. the stillness is unbearable, his silence so intense it’s like a physical presence in the room. you feel your heart pounding in your chest, your stomach twisting into knots as you wait for him to react in some way—any way.

“kyle,” you try again, desperation creeping into your voice. “please, talk to me.”

still, nothing. he’s like a statue, immobile and eerily silent, his shoulders tense, his fists clenched at his sides. tears prick at your eyes as the guilt and fear overwhelm you. this isn’t how it was supposed to go. you wanted to push him, to see a different side of him, but now… now you just want him to speak, to tell you everything’s going to be okay.

“i’m sorry,” you whisper, your voice breaking as you move closer to him. “i’m so, so sorry.”

finally, kyle turns to face you, his expression unreadable, his eyes dark and troubled. he’s still silent, his gaze piercing as he looks at you, waiting.

you can’t take it anymore. the words tumble out of you in a rush, your voice shaky and filled with regret. “i just wanted to rile you up. i wanted you to be rougher in bed, and i didn’t know how else to tell you. i thought if i pushed you, maybe you’d… i don’t know… take control or something.”

for a long moment, he just stares at you, and you feel yourself crumbling under the weight of his silence. then, finally, he speaks, his voice calm but laced with frustration. “you should’ve told me that. communicated instead of pulling this little stunt.”

his words cut through you, the calmness of his tone almost worse than if he’d yelled at you. there’s no anger, no shouting, just a quiet, controlled disappointment that makes you feel small.

“kyle, i didn’t—” you start, but he cuts you off with a shake of his head.

“you didn’t think,” he finishes for you, his voice still infuriatingly calm. “i get it, i do. but this? what you did? it wasn’t the way to go about it.”

you bite your lip, tears slipping down your cheeks. “i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean for it to go this far. i just didn’t know how to ask for what i wanted.”

he sighs, running a hand through his hair, clearly trying to keep his emotions in check. “you could’ve just asked,” he says softly. “i would’ve listened. i’m willing to try it for you, but not like this. not when you’re trying to push me into something i’m not prepared for.”

you nod, wiping at your eyes, feeling utterly ashamed of yourself. “i know. i was stupid, and i’m so, so sorry.”

kyle steps closer, his hands gentle as he cups your face, wiping away your tears with his thumbs. “we’ll figure this out,” he murmurs, his voice softer now, the tension easing slightly from his frame. “but you have to talk to me. no more games, alright?”

“alright,” you whisper, leaning into his touch, relieved beyond words that he’s still here, still willing to work through this with you.

he presses a kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment. “i love you,” he says quietly, and you can hear the exhaustion in his voice, the emotional toll this has taken on him.

“i love you too,” you reply, your voice thick with emotion as you cling to him, vowing to never put him—or yourself—through something like this again.

[logansargeantsbabymom]

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

Oscar Piastri x Fem!Reader , Lando Norris x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Warning: cursing, douchebag Oscar, cheating

A/N: I definitely did lie to you guys, I promise you that I am working on TGTSG pt 8, it's just taking more time than I'd like to admit! Sorry and I hope this makes this situation better <3

Follow my instagram account (THATS STRICTLY FOR THIS BLOG) for updates on when i post and fun stuff like that!

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F1 Masterlist

Was any of it true? Gazing at me starry-eyed. 

“Oscar, c’mon we’re going to be late!!!” I said ushering my boyfriend out of our bedroom closet. 

A light chuckle left his lips as he emerged from the magical sliding mirror doors “Babe, it’s only the car reveal. It’s okay if we’re a tiny bit late” Oscar said as he walked over to me, rubbing a hand up and down my shoulders

An unamused look became present on my face “Baby, you know how much I can’t stand being just a millisecond off schedule, right now you have us 10 minutes behind! You’re killing me here!!” I added a bit of an exaggerated sigh as I dragged out that last sentence. 

I wouldn’t say I had OCD or whatever but if anything and I mean ANYTHING was just the slightest bit off, I wouldn’t be able to focus on whatever task was at hand before it was fixed. 

“Okay, okay. Let’s go. Thank god you’re dating a Formula 1 driver who knows a thing or two about driving fast. I promise we’re going to be there on time.” A small smile made its way on the corners of Oscars mouth as he grabbed my hand and guided me out of the house and to his McLaren.

And your Jehovah’s Witness suit. Who the fuck was that guy?

We’d arrived at the headquarters just under 2 minutes till Zak had to go up and make his big speech before revealing the 2024 season’s car.

Oscar and I tried to make our quiet entrance as to not draw attention to us being technically 30 minutes late. 

See the drivers and the workers that didn’t help set everything up had to be there at 8:00pm whereas everyone else who had a special invitation had to be there at 8:20pm and then Zak’s speech would take place at 8:30pm but thanks to Oscar just NEEDING to find the perfect outfit himself instead of just putting on the one that his assistant brought him, he made us super late. 

Lando was the first to notice our not so subtle attempt at being sneaky “Mate, if you wanted to shag your girlfriend you couldn’t given me a heads up so I could’ve made up an excuse as to why you weren’t here when you were supposed to.” 

Embarrassment flooded my cheeks at the thought of more than half the people in our vicinity thought that t and I were late because we wanted to have a quick fuck before we left 

“No Lando!! We’re not late because we fucked! We’re late because Oscar here,” I started, gesturing at the handsome man next to me “decided he didn’t like the outfit that his assistant brought for him so he had to spend an hour picking and changing his clothes until he found what he thought was best for him.” 

My answer seemed to satisfy Lando enough because he wiggled his eyebrows at us before nodding, taking a sip of his very much alcoholic drink before walking away from us. 

“Oh my gosh Oscar, never again am I being late with you. I can’t have people thinking we fuck like rabbits all the time!!!” I groaned, rubbing a hand over my face.

You tried to buy some pills. From a friend of friends of mine, they just ghosted you. Now you know what it feels like. 

Oscar left to go get both of us a drink before the lights dimmed and a spotlight was shone on Zak, who was standing at the top of the steps.

Zak looked around to get a good feel of the crowd’s energy tonight “Hey guys, I’m the McLaren CEO, Zak Brown. I’m sure you all know why you’re here tonight but in case you don’t, let me tell you why. You’re all here because you either work here or was invited. Either way, tonight, we’re all going to witness the unveiling of our 2024 seasons formula 1 car! But before we get to that part, I want to call up my two Formula 1 drivers to say a few words. Lando, Oscar, please come up here.” 

And I don’t even want you back, I just want to know if rusting my sparking summer was the goal. 

I clapped and watched as my boyfriend and our best friend walked up to make their speech, Lando being the first to take the mic.

“First I just want to say: Thank you everyone for being here with us today to do this reveal, none of this would be possible without any of you guys and that each and every single one of us here at McLaren are extremely grateful to you guys. Thank you to Zak for believing in me enough to resign me for the next 2 years and uh yeah, I’ll pass it on to Oscar now.” That last part came out with a little awkward chuckle as Lando scanned the room before passing the mic to Oscar 

“Hello, Uh Lando said the majority of what I was going to say but I also want to thank my beautiful, wonderful, loving, thoughtful, talent girlfriend for sticking by my side” Oscar started as he looked deep in my eyes as the crowd around us ‘Aww’ed us “oh and thank you to Y/N for being there too.” he added with a laugh that caused the crowd to also erupt in fits of laughter.

My face turned red and my blood began to boil. Did he really just say that? I mean I could be making this a bigger deal than it is but to me, Oscar just embarrassed me in front of maybe 250+ people, who mind you might do a little ‘story time’ on their experience there and would add that part which means hundreds of thousands of people are going to hear about how Oscar embarrassed me. 

The rest of Oscar’s speech was a blur and I hadn’t even notice that him and Lando had left the top steps until I felt his arms around my waist and my body tensed at the feeling. Oscar’s touch right now made me feel sick, who did he think he was embarrassing me like that in front of hundreds of strangers and then acting like nothing happened? 

And I don’t miss what we had but could someone give a message to the smallest man who ever lived?

I shrugged Oscar’s arms off of me which earned me a confused glare from him which I quickly shut down

“I’m going to grab another drink. Do you want anything?” It was the best I could come up with. 

It got Oscar’s touch off of me and it gave me some space away from him, which I so desperately needed right now.

“No thank you, just hurry back” Oscar said sweetly as he attempted to place a kiss on my lips that I quickly dodged. 

I saw another look of confused flash across his face but I was too busy getting far away from him as possible to notice how long his face had stayed like that. 

Over at the makeshift bar they had, I poured myself a half cup of punch before making my way to the other end of the bar to fill the rest of my cup up with tequila. I closed my eyes as I took a sip of my alcoholic punch before letting out a satisfied sigh while feeling the drink burn its way down my throat, my solo bliss didn’t last long before I felt the presence of someone near me. Opening my eyes, I was met with one of my dearest best friends: Lando. 

“Having fun?” Lando said as he grabbed himself a cupful of punch awaiting my response 

“So much fun, I totally don’t want to be at home with a (favorite/drink) eating (favorite/food) while watching (favorite/ show) right now.” I said as I let out a sarcastic laugh which earned me a glare “I’m kidding Lando. I’m having a good time, what about you?” 

“Just a good time? Why not an amazing time?” Typical Lando to only catch the first half of my sentence 

“I have a mild headache right now, that’s why it’s just a good time I’m having right now. I didn’t have time to grab or take any medicine so I’m suffering right now.” that was the best lie I could come up with, let’s just hope that he believes it. 

By the look on his face right now, he was starting to believe the lie I just spewed to him. “I think Zak has Ibuprofen in his office, let me ask him to grab you some” before I could protest, he was gone. 

You hung me your wall, stabbed me with your pushpins. 

I realized that I was spending too much time at the bar and that Oscar was going to come looking for me soon so to save him the hassle, I made my way back over to him. 

Turns out he wasn’t going to be looking for me soon because he’s too busy having some blondie all over him. She’s running one of her hands through his hair while the other is resting against his forearm. The sight made bile rise in my throat as my stomach churned, I can’t be seeing this clearly right? Maybe I actually was suffering from a massive headache and that’s causing me to see all these things, right? This wouldn’t be the first time something like this happened, granted I’ve only ever heard of a ‘headache so bad you’re seeing things’ in movies before so I can’t really rely on it being a real thing. 

Once Oscar’s gaze quickly fell on me, he pushed the blonde off of him and quickly made his way over to me. 

“Hey beautiful, you were gone for a while.” He tries to plant a kiss on my lips but I placed a firm hand against his chest to leave a gap. 

Apparently me dodging his kiss for the second time tonight really upset Oscar because he rolled his eyes before bringing his concerns to my attention 

“What is wrong with you? This is the second time you dodged my kiss, what’s going on?” I could tell there was hints of an attitude lacing his words.

“Oh geez Oscar I don’t know, maybe it’s because I come back over from getting punch and I see a blonde girl all over you and you’re letting it happen?” I can’t believe he really has the audacity to question why I’m dodging his kiss when he quite literally was probably cheating on me in public less than 2 minutes ago. 

A scoff left Oscar’s mouth as he rolled his eyes at my comment “You’re kidding right? That’s what this” he gestured in between us, “is about? C’mon Y/N, she literally is my race engineer trainee, we were literally talking about work”

“Oh yeah because talking about work requires her to be handsy with you in public in front of your girlfriend?” I can’t believe Oscar was trying to downplay this right now. 

I watched as Oscar shifted on his feet before crossing his arms “First of all, you weren’t in front of us and second of all, she wasn’t being handsy. Sarah just asked what shampoo and conditioner I used because her brother needed recommendations and I told her the ones you buy me.” 

“That doesn’t give her the right to run her hands through your hair while holding your forearm, are you kidding me?” Everyone around us could feel the tension thickening. It was so thick that you could break 2 machetes trying to cut through it. 

“Go be insecure about our relationship elsewhere, I don’t have time to deal with this right now.” I didn’t even have a chance to get a word in before Oscar stormed away from me, leaving me alone in a crowd full of his co-workers and fans with nothing but my hurt feelings and confused thoughts about what the fuck happened in the last five minutes. There was only one thing in my head right now that was clear: I need to get the fuck out of here now before I make this a bigger deal than it is.

In public, showed me off. Then sank in stoned oblivion cause once your queen had come, you’d treat her like an also-ran. 

I don’t know when I got home nor do I know how I got home, all I know is that I’m home and home is where I’m free to drown my sorrows with a nice bottle of Brothers Bond bourbon in peace. Only, I wasn’t able to have a second of peace because a rapid set of knocks were being banged against my front door which caused me to jump at the sudden sound and tighten my grip on my drink. Walking to the door with an annoyed expression on my face I was met with Lando’s somber expression. 

“Lando, I’m sure you heard about the fight and I just really want to be alone right now.” I said as I attempted to slam the door in his face but was blocked by his foot.

“Ow, I didn’t expect that to hurt that bad.” Lando started as he tried to shake the pain out of his foot “Everyone knows about the fight-” 

“Ugh, great” I scoffed

“That’s not why I’m here though-” Lando didn’t get to finish before I cut him off again

“So why are you here? I mean no offense but I want to be alone right now”

“Stop cutting me off then. I’m here because, gosh I don’t know how to say this to you” He took in a deep breath before letting it out in one long exhale “I’m just gonna show you” I didn’t get to process the words that came out of his mouth before he flipped his phone showing me a video of Oscar and Sarah making out in the corner of the room before Sarah dragged him out of the frame. 

It doesn’t take a genius to know that they we’re going to find somewhere there to have sex. The video was a total of about 10 seconds and by the end of it, tears had already fallen. It’s funny how in a span of ten seconds your whole life could change, one minute I was upset over an argument I had with my boyfriend and the next I’m watching a video of him cheating on me. The sight before me made bile rise in my throat as I felt my heart shatter into a million tiny pieces.  I never knew that loving someone could cause so much hurt, that if they did wrong by you it would feel like you were dying. I couldn’t breathe, it felt like my whole world was caving in on me and I couldn’t do anything to stop it, that I was just there to watch this tragedy unfold. I never knew that someone who claimed to love you until the end of time could do something so terrible to the one person they promised to never hurt, that even after you watched video proof of him cheating on you that you didn’t want to believe it. I shared a lot of firsts with Oscar, the most important being that he was my first love, he took my virginity from me and that’s one that’s one thing I could never get back from him. Despite everything I’m feeling now, I wish there was someone who could tell me why my heart wants to go back to him. My heart yearns for Oscar’s touch, his love, his time, my heart just wants it all, everything Oscar is willing to give it. 

You didn’t measure up in any measure of a man. And I don’t even want you back, I just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal. 

It’d been 15 minutes since I found out about Oscar cheating on me and the whole time Lando’s been holding me as I sobbed into his chest, I was so hurt by Oscar that I couldn’t find any sense of comfort in Lando’s touch. I feared that I wouldn’t be able to find comfort in anyone’s touch because of how bad Oscar hurt me and that’s not how I wanted to live my life. That’s not how anyone should have to live their life, surrounded by so much hurt that you can’t find joy in anything. The pain was consuming me so much that I felt like the only way to make it go away was to drown it in alcohol and that’s what I intend on doing. 

Pulling myself out of Lando’s grasp, I leaned forward and grabbed the bourbon bottle on mu coffee table and brought it up to my lips. I took one big gulp, enjoying the burning sensation I was feeling as the liquid ran down my throat. I took another long sip before the bottle was yanked from my hands. 

“Lando please, give it back I don’t want to feel this. I don’t want to feel anything, I cant live like this.” I started to sob again, hoping he would feel bad enough to just let me drink the whole bottle. ‘

Unfortunately Lando didn’t cave into me “I know it hurts but you have to feel the pain. You have to feel all your emotions in order to get past this, I know Oscar hurt you but I’m here to help you. I’m your best friend and I want everything for you but you can’t drown your feelings in liquor, I love you too much allow that.” I almost wanted to believe the words coming out of Lando’s mouth because I know he’s not Oscar and that I can trust him but a part of me doesn’t want to trust him and Lando could sense that

“Y/N/N, I need you to believe me. I want the best for you and you know that, you know that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you but right now I need you to trust me. Alcohol isn’t the solution.” The look in his eyes were sincere and I knew I could trust him.

I buried my face in my hands as I reluctantly let the bottle go and allowed Lando to take it from my hands to lock it away in Oscar’s liquor cabinet. By the time Lando had returned to the living room   and saw my state he could obviously tell that at any given moment, I would start spiraling again and that was the last thing either of us wanted right now. I felt the sofa dip next to me before abruptly being pulled against a body.

“I’m going to hold you like this and you can talk about any and everything or we could just sit in silence but I can see it in your eyes that you want to be held.” Lando said as he rested his chin against the top of my head which I moved to look at him in his eyes.

I was able to whisper a faint “okay” as I looked in his aquamarine eyes, I never realized hoe beautiful they were until right now. Now that I think about it, everything I’m noticing on his face right now, I never had noticed before. I never realized all these little features in his face that made him beautiful, actually, I never realized how beautiful Lando was until right now. How plump his lips looked, how soft and fluffy his hair must feel against the palm of my skin, how the gap between us seemed to slowly disappear as I looked at him looking down at my lips and how soon the gap between us closed as our lips met. This kiss I was sharing with Lando felt different from all the kisses I’ve ever shared with Oscar, this one kiss alone had butterflies lighting fireworks in my stomach as I felt my broken heart mend. It sounds crazy, I know but something about this moment with Lando felt raw and real, it felt like everything I was missing in my relationship with Oscar was just found. 

The kiss consumed my whole being, I never want this moment to end. Everything felt right and nothing could ruin this moment. 

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?”

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[user9298274001127482]

Are you gonna break up with me?

pairing: bf!matt x gf!reader

warnings: slight angst, resolved ending, fluff

a/n: reader is also youtuber/influencer like matt

a one-shot where matt and y/n have been together almost 4 yrs and he starts cancelling plans with her a lot….

7:00pm

You were at your apartment sitting on your bed watching modern family on the TV. Your boyfriend was coming over to stay the night after what felt like months, he said he would be over around 7 but you just assumed he might be running late.

You were glad that he finally could hangout with you today since he had been cancelling plans so often recently and you hadn’t seen him in 2 weeks which doesn’t seem like much but you and Matt would usually hangout like 4 or 5 times a week.

8:15pm

You were so caught up in watching TV you didn’t even realise what time it was. It had been over an hour since Matt was meant to be here so you decide to send him a text.

Matt ❤️

| Hi baby is everything okay? Why aren’t you here yet?

| seen 8:21pm

He had left you on seen, these past few weeks you have been suspicious of him avoiding u and suddenly being so busy but you and Matt had been together for nearly 4 years. He would never cheat on you or do anything to hurt you.

Or would he? Why did he leave you on seen? Does he want to breakup?

9:30pm

Part of you had still hoped that miraculously he would walk through your bedroom door and give you a perfectly honest explanation as to why he was late and then everything would go back to normal.

But part of you also knew that there must be a reason why he is avoiding you, although you weren’t sure what it was, you weren’t gonna spend all night waiting for him in case he decides to show up.

You sadly start getting ready for bed, putting on your pajamas and brushing your teeth. You stay up watching TV for a few hours.

11:45pm

You hear footsteps and turn your head to the bedroom door and see Matt standing there, the most neutral look on his face, you couldn’t make out whether he was angry, felt guilty or if he just didn’t care.

You stand up as he steps into the room, still not speaking a word he attempts to pull you into a hug. You dodge his hug because how could he act like everything was okay? “Where have you been?” You raise your voice.

“I just got caught up in some stuff” He shrugs using the same excuse he used everytime he cancelled. “What stuff did you get caught up in, Matt? I want answers I’m tired of you avoiding me” you slightly yell.

“Oh my fucking god, not everything is about you y/n, your not my only priority I have a life besides being with you 24/7” he yells while rolling his eyes. I have a life besides being with you his words cause tears to well up in your eyes.

“We haven’t seen eachother in weeks, you keep cancelling plans on me and not answering my calls, what’s going on Matt?” you quietly say with a shaky voice. He looks at you with sympathy in his eyes, a look that makes you think he’s going to apologise.

But instead he grits his teeth and says “It’s too much y/n, I feel like we need some space”. Tears well up in your eyes even more but you don’t let them fall because you don’t want Matt to see, “Are you gonna break up with me?” you say looking away from him because if you look into his eyes you’ll breakdown crying.

A pause of silence, you can see his sad face from the corner of your eyes before he yells again “I don’t fucking know what you want from me!”. Matt storms off, slamming your bedroom door in the process. The second he leaves the tears fall down ur face, your cheeks being drenched. You were always a quiet crier so you don’t worry about Matt hearing you on his way out.

12:00am

A few minutes later you start putting away the pile of clothes on your bed with tears still running down ur face. You get startled when your bedroom door aggressively opens, it’s Matt. He doesn’t look at you face but he comes in and touches you shoulder “Y/n I…” he pauses when seeing your tears dripping down ur face.

Now he looks as if he’s about to breakdown in tears from guilt of making his girlfriend cry. He pulls you into an unexpected hug, your chins rested on eachother shoulders. “Fuck I’m so so sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry” he says with a shaky voice, although you couldn’t see his face you knew he was crying too. “What kind of boyfriend makes his girlfriend cry” he says.

You gently pull out of the hug and see tears rolling down his face now, you wipe your own tears. “Matt can we please just talk ……about us?” you softly say, he nods as you both sit on the edge of your bed facing eachother. “Be honest, why have you been avoiding me” you ask. “No, I- It’s stupid” he replies. “Please? I’d rather hear a stupid reason why than no explanation” you say.

He hesitates before speaking, “Okay well all my friends have been asking when I’ll propose to you since we’ve been together so long and I wasn’t planning to anytime soon and everyone told me you’d…”. With a confused look you ask “Everyone told you I’d what?” “They told me you’d break up with me if I didn’t propose soon and I thought they were right so I’ve been avoiding you cause I was scared of you leaving me” He shyly says.

“Oh matt, we’re both only 21 of course I’m not gonna break up with you if you don’t propose soon. We’re both not ready for that yet but I still wanna be with you until we are ready” you say in sadness that Matt thought you would leave him. “Yeah I realise that now, I was being a dick I’m so sorry y/n” he says with eyes glued to the floor. You lift his chin up so his eyes are meeting yours, “It’s okay I forgive you Matt but please don’t ever do that again I thought we were gonna be broken up” I say.

“I’ll make it up to you I promise, I’ll do anything you want” he genuinely says. “I just wanna watch modern family with you and cuddle and fall asleep in your arms and kiss you” you blabber. “Okay fine” he kisses you on the cheek.

12:15am

You both settle into your bed, your face buried in his neck with his arms tightly wrapped around ur back and waist. He occasionally gives you a kiss on the forehead whispering “I’m so sorry” to you as you lift ur head up and kiss his cheek every now and then.

1:00am

After a while you start getting tired and are half asleep, Matt thinks you’re fully asleep and doesn’t realise you can hear him. He keeps kissing your hand and whispering sweet things in your ear.

“I love you so much” “I’m so sorry” “I’m such a dick I know” “Your the best thing that’s ever happened to me” “I love you more than anything”.