#i spend a lot of time in live mode and have aging turned off

[intomybubble]

aaand now I dont have enough space for HSR on my laptop (65+ gb) and now I'm retired from playing again.

I literally only went back to playing (after running out of space on my ipad months ago, which prioritizes Genshin) for Jiaoqiu since his JP VA is one of my favorites (I got him to E1L0 from what I saved up) and the only thing I was anticipating was the release of Sunday, next patch. Now, I'm prioritizing Sims 4 on my laptop and which I went from 16 to 70 gb of available space.

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Desert Hearts rewatch notes

Desert Hearts (1985) is one of my favorite movies, but as with most of my favorites, I've gone quite a while without seeing it at times. I put it on the other day for the first time in years and took some screenshots in the hope that I might get some folks on here to give it a try that haven't, or at least bring back some memories for those who’ve seen it before. Then, when I sat down to post the images, I found I had more to say than I realized.

This was my first time watching this movie since I got into the whole BL/QL genre and I was curious to see if it would seem any different to me after a period of being more immersed in queer stories than usual. Mostly it swept me up into its own world, something this film is really good at. But I did find myself thinking at times about how aspects of it mapped onto QL tropes and more general romance tropes. I also couldn't help but see some parallels to the actual lived experiences of myself and people I know.

Queer romance tropes in Desert Hearts

Three tropes stood out at me that I've run into in the QL world, some of which I've seen in hetero romance settings as well.

Fish out of water - Vivian goes from her life as an academic in New York City to staying at a ranch outside Reno in pursuit of a "quick" divorce. (Having to spend six weeks in a strange place in order to get a divorce was "quick" by 1959 standards.) Helen Shaver, who played Vivian, points out in a featurette included with the Criterion version of the movie that Vivian has been living a very cerebral life, living inside her own head while cutting herself off from her body from the neck down. This radical change of scenery is exactly what she needs to be able to open up to something different.

There’s a similar dynamic at play in hetero fish-out-of-water romances. But I find this trope a lot more interesting in a queer context. Queer identities have a more complex relationship to difference. Among other things, characters who seem to be at home in the environment of the story often turn out to be alienated from it due to others’ perceptions of their sexuality.

Age gap (with the younger person pursuing) - Cay, who is ten years Vivian's junior, is definitely the pursuer here. This isn't a specifically queer trope per se, but it can manifest in some specific ways in queer love stories.

LGBTQ+ identity can put people on unusual timelines in their lives. (This is an idea I first ran into in a book by Jack Halberstam in undergrad.) Sometimes this means being in a more "youthful" mode later in life than cishet people. Other times it means being a particular kind of late bloomer. And so on. So with life stages not conforming to typical expectations, what does it mean to love someone you have a significant age difference with?

In the case of Vivian and Cay, Vivian may be older, but Cay is poised to initiate her into practices and feelings that are pretty familiar for Cay and totally, mind-blowingly new to Vivian. This creates a kind of role reversal. At the same time, Cay has never felt this way about a partner before, so in many ways, their relationship is causing her to have some new and intense experiences as well.

The thing where a character figures out their sexuality for the first time because their feelings toward a love interest act as a catalyst - This is certainly a trope that comes up in stories about queer romance, but it's more debatable whether it's a queer trope in the sense of a trope that is used by and resonates with queer people. I guess I'd say the theme comes up in different ways when a story is very geared toward the "straight gaze" and when it's more authentically queer. With the "straight gaze" version you get things like "gay for you." With more authentic versions, well, I don't think I've noticed many commonalities there. But I will always defend the use of this trope when it's done well in a way that centers queer experience, if only because falling for a specific person is exactly what forced me to come to terms with my own sexuality.

Side note: Speaking of coming to terms with my sexuality, it really is an indication of how deeply in denial I was about my bisexuality in college that seeing this movie for a class didn't help me figure it out. I was deeply affected by it and fixated on it for weeks after seeing it, but it didn't get through the thick shell of obliviousness I had built up around myself.

A connection to personal experience

There are quite a few ways that Desert Hearts resonates with my own experience but one really stood out to me this time around. [Spoilers ahead.] When Cay goes to see Vivian at the hotel where she’s staying after she leaves the ranch, she goes for a last-ditch, Hail Mary move—she takes off her clothes and climbs into Vivian’s bed. At first Vivian tells her to leave, but then she softens a bit, clearly interested but conflicted. Then this moment happens.

I related to this so much. When I fell in love with a someone who was (at that time) presenting as a woman and it started to look like I might actually have a chance, I had so much anxiety about whether and how I could be intimate with my crush and whether I’d be able to “perform” decently. It turns out, as we learned when we compared notes sometime later, we had each had the same worry and we’d both bought an instructional book about lesbian sex (I think it may even have been the exact same book!).

I think part of my anxiety back then stemmed from the prospect of starting from scratch with a new set of practices and skills after being acclimated to sex with men. It made me feel like I was off balance. But when I actually did get close to my crush, another, much more pleasant side to my inexperience came up. It turned out that not having a familiar script for what to do made me much more present and gave me a sense of freedom. I remember thinking that it was like going from traveling down the same old route to exploring a new place that we had to write our own maps for. And that was pretty exhilarating.

Soon after that relationship happened, I read Zami: A New Spelling of My Name by Audre Lorde. There was a passage where Lorde described something very similar from her own life. In this passage, she’s reflecting after her first sexual encounter with a woman after having a similar set of anxieties.

So this was what I had been so afraid of not doing properly. How ridiculous and far away those fears seemed now, as if loving were some task outside of myself, rather than simply reaching out and letting my own desire guide me. It was all so simple.

She’s so amazing at evoking these feelings, isn’t she?

I can’t think of any other places I’ve seen this type of experience discussed besides these two. (I’m pretty sure others exist, but the fact that I haven’t come across them suggests there aren’t very many.) There are plenty of stories out there about hetero sex performance anxiety and its eventual resolution, but I think the queer version of this kind of learning has some big inherent differences that go way beyond the genders of partners being different. So it’s really nice to see it come up here, and be handled in such a sweet way.

In case you’re wondering, once Vivian is able to “let her own desire guide her,” in Lorde’s words, she also finds that her fears were misplaced. The resulting love scene is beautifully executed even by current standards. It’s even more remarkable to see it in a film that was released in 1985. It’s equally remarkable that this sex scene was shown in rather explicit detail.

about, by, and/or for?

I'm also thinking about this movie in terms of the for/by/about queers typology that @wen-kexing-apologist came up with a while back. In my estimation, Desert Hearts belongs right in the center of WKA's Venn diagram. It's about queers, of course. I'd also place it in the "by queers" category. The director, Donna Deitch, who also co-wrote the screenplay, is an out lesbian. It's not clear whether the other co-screenwriter was queer. Her personal life was mysterious enough that it seems like a definite possibility. And the movie is based (somewhat loosely) on a novel by Jane Rule, who was also an out lesbian and whose work as a writer was very focused on lesbian characters.

I'd also consider this movie to be "for queers." It was marketed to a wider audience, of course. But as I watched some of the bonus material and looked at writing about the movie, I saw a lot of evidence that Deitch made the film for her community and they embraced it.

Shaver had a really lovely story in the featurette I watched about this. I forget the exact nature of it, but she described how she attended some kind of event with Deitch and Charbonneau where the audience was full of queer women who gave them an incredibly long standing ovation that she found very moving and helped her see how impactful the film had been.

I’m also sure Deitch had queer viewers in mind (at least in part) when she set out to fill a glaring gap in Sapphic representation. In an interview with AfterEllen, Deitch said, “My goal was to make a lesbian love story that did not end in a bisexual love triangle or a suicide. Because that’s all that had been made at the time I set out to make Desert Hearts.” (Note: I’m not linking due to transphobia concerns regarding that site but folks should be able to find it easily if they look.)

In summary…

If you haven’t seen Desert Hearts yet I really can’t recommend it highly enough.

(And yes, that’s Denise Crosby from Star Trek: The Next Generation sitting beside Jeffrey Tambor.)

[bijouxcarys]

I didn't have anywhere else to kind of talk about this, and I need to get it out of my system somehow, so I'm just putting this on here. Maybe someone can relate to it?

TW/ self-harm, suicidal ideology, please don't read this if it's going to potentially trigger you.

If you don't think this will trigger you, I still suggest you read on. Anyone around you could be experiencing this right now, and it's a very real thing.

Here's the reality of living as an adult with autism, who wasn't diagnosed until the age of 18.

It fucking sucks. To put it mildly.

Growing up as an undiagnosed autistic child is difficult. Especially if you are beaten down verbally by everybody to the point where you believe that you are, in fact, a bad kid. I'm convinced that's had a hand in why I'm so paranoid about my relationships with people. If I'm doing something to upset or annoy them.

You spend your entire childhood being told that you're the problem, when you're just trying to fucking survive in a world that's hard enough to live in without the added stress of developmental disorders, and you're going to believe for the rest of your life that you're the problem.

That is, unless you're able to go and see a therapist or counsellor.

Which leads me to my next point: we are conditioned to believe that we aren't allowed to ask for help, because we can never take on the advice anyways! 18 years of being told that I'm being dramatic, by my own counsellor as well, definitely dampens your willingness to attend any kind of talk therapy.

You get trauma building up over time from the rejection sensitivity, the amount of friend groups you plow through, the anxiety and depression that come as a result of how your brain is wired. It's not even that you have depression or anxiety; a lot of the time, they are symptoms of our autism. But they don't care. They'll feed us antidepressants.

I've been on antidepressant medication for a long time now. I'd argue about 6 years. I'm 22 now, on 200mg of sertraline daily. Last year I tried to come off my medication. Big mistake. Realised I'm kind of fucked without it.

Back in 2019, I used to take my antidepressant in liquid form because I had a sensitivity to swallowing pills. One day, my inability to read social cues and communicate effectively with my friends led me to drink the whole bottle of Fluoxetine.

When you're undiagnosed with autism and you have to go through regular life every day, it's damaging. So dangerous to the mental health of the child. The more we are put in situations that can overstimulate us, and overwhelm us, the more it takes from your ability to cope with life. You get beaten down, and beaten down, and beaten down, until you're an emotionless entity wandering the Earth with no solid ambitions or aspirations. You've spent your entire life in defense mode, mirroring everyone's behaviour and personalities so that you feel the tiniest bit "normal" out of pure survival, that you lose a sense of who you are as a person. You feel stripped of your personality. You don't know what you're doing.

Then you get thrust into the real world. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I don't know how to survive in a world that isn't made for me. I don't know how to tell people I'm autistic, because a) they very rarely understand what I mean by that, and what it entails, and b) I don't even know enough about my autism.

Why? Because I wasn't diagnosed until just before I turned 18 - got discharged from CAMHS (Child and Adolescence Mental Health Service) once I turned 18, with no referral to a counsellor that could help me, and no information on what the fuck I should do next.

I've stayed in education because it's the only thing I know how to survive. I went to college, university, and now I'm doing a master's degree online. And I still don't really know what my goal is in life.

I have no friends, and I flip-flop between being upset about it and being absolutely fine with it. I don't leave the house, I don't work, I even struggle to do the most basic of daily tasks.

I'm constantly fantasising about a life I could have, but ultimately realise I can't have.

My brain is fucked up, and I am traumatised by the life I've had to live and survive in. And now I'm stuck in survival mode.

And I don't know how to live, instead of simply exist.

That's where the suicidal ideology comes in. I'm constantly thinking about how much easier everything would be if I did just off myself. But the thing is, I'm not actively planning it, but the thought brings me great comfort. There's always a way out. And I can't expect that I'll leave this world any other way.

Now... when an autistic person, or any person, tells you that they don't want to die, but thinking about killing themselves brings them a sense of comfort and contentment... there's something wrong there.

There's nothing I want more than to start living. But when it takes 110% of my energy to do the bare minimum... living becomes synonymous with existing.

Not being taught how to deal with the meltdowns, the overstimulation, the understimulation, the food sensitivities, the way the world functions... has fucked me up, for myself, and for everyone else around me.

And when given the choice between spending the rest of my life putting all my energy into living the way I do now, and killing myself and saving myself from the pain, the latter sounds far more enticing.

I don't want to die. But to live is too much of an enigma to want anything other than the silence.

[hestzhyen]

Chapter 44 Museposting

Hello internet void. What a great conclusion to a fantastic arc! I'm locked in and ready to spend the rest of my life with this manga now. ...Maybe. No matter how the manga proceeds from here, I'll hold the Rakuzaichi arc close to my heart for it's nuanced examination of family and duty. And for introducing my favorite character in ages.

Hakuri the precious unhinged bean is STAYING! Another rescued abuse victim for the goldfish bowl, hooray! I hope he isn't shelved after this arc but my goodness he definitely deserves a break. The whole cast does, yeah, but this boy still has a lot to process.

I love how Hakuri's character arc is resolved here - he's finally free to choose his own path after everything he's been through. Ice Lady broke him out of the Sazanami mindset, Chihiro proved there was hope for him, and Shiba gave him an opening to leave his cage behind. Now he can truly find out what's waiting for him beyond the misery and despair he lived with for so long. Oh Hakuri, you deserve all the happiness you find.

And once again, Chihiro's empathy is on full (if somewhat subdued) display. The scene of him wanting to encourage Hakuri as he says he's lost now that his dad is dead squeezed my heart into pieces. Yeah, Kyoura was shitty. But losing an abusive parent isn't a ticket to sudden happiness and purpose most of the time. They were still your guiding star, as Hakuri himself says- for better and worse. Especially if they only became overtly abusive later in your life. The grief that comes with their passing is hella complicated and often leaves you feeling worse off even if your life will be objectively better from now on.

Hakuri was in survival mode for so long thanks to Kyoura that he doesn't know what to do now. He and his remaining family are better off without each other too. Chihiro probably doesn't grasp the complexities of this kind of grief but he does know what it's like to lose everything and be set adrift in the world far too young. So he gently reminds Hakuri of the potential waiting for him outside of the cage...

... and Hakuri responds so sweetly:

Aaaah my heart. You shouldn't talk about yourself like you're property, Hakuri!

This gives me some hope that we're not quite done with him yet. Hakuri's free now but he (understandably) has a low opinion of himself. He still feels the weight of failing the Ice Lady and Chihiro trading Enten for his life and wants to do more. Be more. Feel worthy of what they've done for him. And who better to help him make the most of his new lease on life than the guy he sees as hope incarnate? The grief might overwhelm him at times, and the effects of the abuse he endured won't fade for quite some time. But he'll be alright as long as he's with his samurai.

This is Chihiro's story above all else so I don't think we'll get another deep dive into Hakuri unless it's to further our protagonist's character. But I'm waiting to see what he's set up to do going in to (what appears to be) the Kamunabi arc with baited breath. I hope he really does get to be Chihiro's equal instead of learning the art of Offscreen Sorcery from Shiba. And even though it'll probably be Hiyuki's turn to shine next, I hope she doesn't overtake him in terms of importance to Chihiro's story and the narrative as a whole.

I'll save the doomposting for another time (if it's even warranted). I've got a ton to say about Hakuri now that the arc is over, but that'll probably be a separate post made while we all succumb to brain rot during the break. But yeah. Hakuri. I love him so much. I just hope I'm not pining for scraps of him after all the work the author put in to making him so endearing.

No dwelling on what-ifs! Onward! What about that random shot of a drum?

I think it's interesting that we get a small panel of taiko/wadaiko. They have nothing to do with any major themes in the arc itself, other than the sticks used to hit them being called bachi (Hokazono probably patted himself on the back for that one). I think it's used to lend a sense of finality to the end of the proceedings for the Sazanami clan. These drums have a variety of uses through their long history in Japanese culture, but the one most relevant here I think is in theater and performance arts. Small taiko drums are used to help accentuate performances by setting the mood. Here in Kagurabachi, I think it's specifically linked to Kyoura's line at the end of Ch. 39:

Yeah, the origin of the meme. The EN translation is apparently pretty conservative while the original JP line had more of a showman flair to it. "The show must go on" or along those lines. I'm not a pro at Japanese by any stretch, but it would tie in nicely to the continued use of performance-related terms in this week's chapter. The cruel spectacle is over for good. The curtains are drawn and it's time for all the living participants to go home.

2/2 on destroyed buildings marking the end of an arc. Let's keep it up!

But what is next, indeed? How many people expected Chihiro to try joining the Kamunabi, anyway?! Definitely wasn't on my short list of things that could happen, but I'm really warming up to the idea because of what it says for him as a character.

Normally, a shounen protagonist is someone who is reacting to the plot as it happens. Even if they're out to change the status quo, something has to occur to give them an opportunity to act (yes, even after they've answered the Call to Adventure). Bad guy acts first, something happens to a loved one, natural disaster strikes, etc. The universe gives them an opening and the protagonist strikes. But here, Chihiro creates his own opportunity.

Hiyuki and Tafuku could have just taken the blade away from him in his weakened state and left him at square one trying to find leads. Most authors would take this development path I think! But this is Kagura-fucking-bachi so we get to see another fascinating side to Chihiro instead.

Chihiro recognizes that he doesn't know as much as he thought about his dad's legacy. And that he can't continue his crusade without some serious power on par with the Hishaku clan. So instead of doing the typical shounen protagonist thing and resolving to push through adversity with friendship and sheer force of will, he adjusts his tactics. His resolve is intact but his strategy is changing.

This was indirectly foreshadowed courtesy of Shiba in ch. 12 and reinforced by John Hishaku in Ch. 32:

Don't you love it when characters consistently actually act how we're told they do? Chihiro's always thinking and learning; he's not waiting for fate to give him a chance. No matter how strongly he feels about recovering the swords, he's able to accurately assess his own situation and make the most rational decision (hot-headed moves fueled by deep empathy for others being an exception). I love a protagonist that recognizes when they're out of their depth and adjusts accordingly, man. No practicing slamming his head against a brick wall until it breaks for this guy- he'll find some scaffolding to climb over it instead. Or ask a badass woman to punch a hole through it for him.

I also think it's quite significant that Chihiro's directly asking others for help now. In the beginning he seemed uneasy about letting others share the burden of his father's legacy, but now he's trusting Hiyuki and the Kamunabi to help him manage it. Obviously he's asking to join because he won't let them take full control and responsibility, but he's still facing reality head-on. How will that play out for him? Opening up to Hakuri and trusting in him paid off massively, so maybe it'll work out again?

The last time he worked with the Kamunabi, most of the squad was wiped out by Sojo though. I would not be surprised to see a grudge match of some kind between Chihiro and Kazane despite both of them being on the same side in the same org this time... but we've gotten a few glimpses of all kinds of potential inter-group conflict since very early on. It's not surprising that the Hishaku may want to exacerbate those fractures by letting the Kamunabi get a hold of Magatsumi:

Ch. 7

Ch. 11

Ch. 18

Ch. 22

Ch. 24

So as of Ch. 44, it's clear that internal politics will play a major role...

Chihiro I love you for being able to put the pieces together yourself instead of relying on someone else like other protagonists often have to do.

I expect that working within the Kamunabi will help Chihiro form a firm opinion on whether or not they can be trusted to help him in the long-term. It'll probably also be Hiyuki's development arc as she reconciles her ideals, what she sees in Chihiro, and what she's witnessed at the Rakuzaichi with how the group operates.

I don't want to speculate too much on exactly how it'll all play out but I'm so freakin' hyped man. This is also a great chance to learn more about Kunishge, Azami, Shiba, and the Seitei War...! Oh man! LORE! WORLDBUILDING! I live and breathe for this kinda stuff when it's done well. The war criminals' different takes on the Kamunabi have had me interested in the org for a while now so I wonder what Chihiro will think of them by the end of the arc. Will he be able to work with them for the rest of the series? Will they splinter due to their internal conflicts and the Hishaku's machinations? Will Hiyuki stay with them or go her own way? I want to know! Hmm... on the topic of working with the Kamunabi... I know I said earlier that Chihiro's been opening up since he met Hakuri and is willing to work with the Kamunabi full-time now, but I don't believe he's at the point where he's willing to fully entrust the dangerous, painful parts of his dad's legacy to other people yet. Chihiro's still feeling personally responsible for the deaths the sword WMDs are causing while putting all the pressure to succeed on his own head. He's letting other people help him out but it's his duty alone to minimize the damage. I won't be surprised if this is touched on either in the Kamunabi arc or a later one. Keeping Shiba's "you'll break" line in mind once more, I think Chihiro learning to share his pain and burden could be a major turning point for him.

I don't want to say it must or will happen -I'm not the writer. I just think it's a very potent thread that's had some buildup since the start. Who can Chihiro trust to help him with more than logistics and fighting? Does he even need someone like that or is he going to become strong enough though learning from his enemies? I'm really interested in seeing if the little family he's building will be able to do more than cheer him on from offscreen at the very least... I've got some worries about the story structure going forward but I want to wait and see what happens in the next arc before letting my hopes be crushed.

Seriously, I'm not going to doompost yet. Really. I'm just going to fucking die waiting an extra week to see what happens next.

[windsweptinred]

The amount of fun and intrigue to be had with Desire and Unity's time in the Dreaming... I mean there's so many questions!

Did Lucienne just miss there was a Dream Vortex and an Endless running round the Dreamling? Did Unity or Desire keep them hidden? In an untouched little patch of the Dreaming while the rest crumbled? Or were they in 'The Land' with the remnant of Alianora playing happy families. A place complete outside of Dream/Lucienne's remit. Was the Dreaming so utterly destroyed because Dream was cut off? Or was a lot of that the fact there was a Vortex running rampent? Because Rose seemed to make quite a destructive impact every time she entered. Was Unity and Desire having a child the only thing that stopped reality as we know it from crumbling? Or did Unity's Vortex powers stay latent because the Dreaming was in shut down mode? Is the Vortex's destructive potential only an issue if Dream is there to 'kill' it...Because if so that's some funky ass universal law right there.

Unity was dreaming for a century. Was she aware it was a dream or not? Did time pass normally or not, did life progress just like the real world... Did they age? Did the random dream logic stuff just get dismissed as you do in a dream. And then you wake up and realise that's why there were mythical creatures frolicking round the supermarket. Or was she lucid Dreaming? Was it pretty evident Desire was some kind of supernatural entity early on and they were living in magic land? Did Unity just call Desire 'my man' because she didn't have a word for what they are... You can't blame a turn of the century girl for not knowing correct gender pronouns after all.

Netflix has added an entire new generation due to extending Dreams imprisonment to 2022. We now have Desire and Unity's 'beautiful baby girl' mother of Miranda. I mean, did they accomplish what Hector and Lyta Hall tried to do and have and raise a baby in the Dreaming? Was the baby born in both the Dreaming and reality? Because Unity seems distinctly aware of her on a personal level. Did this daughter spend her days with adopted parents and nights with Desire and Unity? What happens when thier little girl dies in the real world?

Did they get married in this dream life? Is it cosmically legally binding? Was Despair invited?.. I mean, obviously Destiny would know. Did he come? He seems pretty up on formalities. Wait... Did he marry them? Do they have some weird little group pact going on not to mention it because they know how serverly in deep sh*t they are if Death ever finds out. 😆

And how does it end? Desire has settled into this dream life, Has this lovely little, utterly intriguing human, descendants, is merrily playing happy families in big brothers realm. They're possessive of them... If not, dare we use the word attached...Even possibly, 'loves' whether they admit it or not. Then one day, completely out of no where... Unity wakes up. Dream's free. It's over. No warning, it's ripped from them. The moment Dream gets everything back, Desire looses it all. And they can do absolutely nothing about it, unless they're prepared to admit to a whole lot of wrongs and beg forgiveness. Worse, Unity is now back in the real world and her time is officially counting down toward her meeting their sister. You can just imagine how Desire in this emotional situation is going to act...There's so many ways you could read their following actions. How do they go about getting their happy ending when it so heavily relies on Dream?

This is such an unexplored part of Netflix's lore with so much potential!

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Please may I have a Spy x family scenario of when Anya almost drowned in the sea after she got caught in it in the beach and it took a split second for Yuri to actually scream that she was drowning and a lot quicker for Yuki Briar age 19- she is a year younger than Yuri and she is the youngest of the Briar siblings *you know the rest about her including that she is a SSS lieutenant of a higher rank and she is an assassin nicknamed the posion rose since she uses poisons to kill her targets but she kills her enemies in the same way as Yor if it was too much of a risk and she had a soft spot for cute things and kids certainly fall into the category and she is extremely beautiful and it is obvious why men are so smitten with her married or not and she is immune to posions of different types and she broke Yuri's shoulder blade once and he spent six months in hospital for it which she felt bad for considering her monstrous strength which was impressive and she lives next to her brother and she is a better cook than her sister and she doesn't drink alcohol and stuck with water and she is a kind and polite young woman and she uses various weapons in her assassination missions and she is protective of her family and everything and she worked as a waitress under cover to avoid suspicion and her nickname is Poison Rose* to get up from the chair almost on instant and jump in to rescue her niece..to risk going against the icy shore was dangerous but it was dumb luck that Yuki herself pulled Anya out safely..Anya of course cried because she had been so scared but Yuki was too relieved to be mad when she hugged her..honestly. How would Loid react to Anya almost drowning when he was called into the hospital about Anya's almost drowning incident...Yuki and Yuri had to take her to the hospital just as a precaution to be checked over anyway and Yuki told Yuri to knock it off when he went all sister complex mode on him...Yuki certainly agreed with Loid that it would be the last time that Anya copied her extremely dangerous stunts much to Anya's dismay.

Hi! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took so long. I hope you like the scenario!

If you missed my earlier post about Yuki Briar you can read about it here; it gives some context on her as a person and her life.

Fandom: Spy x Family

Characters: Anya Forger, Yuri Briar, Loid Forger x Yuki Briar (platonic)

Word Count: 1.1k (1,130 words)

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On a beach day with her brother and niece, Yuki Briar is forced to jump into action. Will everything be okay?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun was shining but the breeze blowing off the waves was cool against Yuki’s skin. She rested back on her hands, gazing out across the water. Anya was splashing around in the shallows, pausing occasionally to stare down at something in the water.

Yuki let out a contented sigh. She didn’t get to relax a whole lot so when she had moments like this, she made the most of it.

“You right there sis?”

Yuki turned to Yuri who was sitting next to her. It was also nice being able to spend time with her brother. They were both so busy these days, it was good to catch up.

“Just enjoying the peace and quiet.”

Yuri nodded at her. “It’s good to spend time with you. And Chihuahua Girl of course.” He turned back to face the water looking for a moment before his face dropped.

Yuki leant towards him. “Yuri? What’s wrong?”

Yuri opened his mouth, no noise coming out. He lifted a shaking hand as his voice suddenly returned. “She’s drowning!”

Yuki felt adrenaline surge through her as she turned back to the water, her eyes scanning frantically for any sign of pink hair.

Nothing.

Anya was nowhere in the shallows, nowhere in the breaking waves.

There! A splash and a glimpse of pink hair out past the breakers, dangerously close to the rocks at the bottom of a nearby cliff.

In an instant Yuki was sprinting down towards the water, tearing off her beach robe as she went. Then she was leaping through the water and diving under the waves.

The water was shockingly cold and Yuki could feel the currents pulling her out. Normally she would swim back into shore with a current this strong but today she thanked it for aiding her in reaching her niece faster. She hoped Yuri was calling an ambulance or at least getting help instead of just panicking . That wouldn’t help anyone.

Looking around, she realised she had already reached the place she had last seen Anya. The current didn’t seem to be pulling on her anymore so she assumed her niece couldn’t be too far away. Yuki ducked her head under the water, opening her eyes against the stinging sea water. Anya was a few metres below her, sinking quickly, eyes closing.

Yuki doubled up and dived down towards her. She could see how close they were to the rocks and she knew she had to reach Anya quickly. Almost drowning was bad enough. Being thrown against rocks would be significantly worse.

As she reached Anya, Yuki wrapped her arms around the young girl and began kicking her legs to resurface.

They burst through the water with a splash and a gasp. Yuki checked the rocks. Still close but now further away. Now that they were out of immediate danger, she turned her attention to Anya. Her eyes were open now and she was spluttering water. Tears were already spilling from her eyes and she clung to Yuki’s side.

Yuki began to swim back towards the shore. She could feel the current working against her now but thanks to her years of training both as an assassin and an SSS lieutenant, she could tell she would make it back to the shore without too much trouble.

“Are you okay Anya?”

Anya was crying openly at this point and Yuki could barely make out what she was saying. “I was so scared! Thank you for saving me!”

When they reached the shore, Yuri was moving around frantically in the shallows. Once Yuki got close enough, he ran forward to help her with Anya.

“Are you okay?” His voice was shaking, “I was so worried!”

Yuki nodded. “We’re both alright. We should get her to the hospital though. Just to check.”

Yuri nodded. “I’ll get the car, you stay here.” And he ran off.

Yuki placed Anya down on her beach towel and sat down next to her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Anya nodded, rubbing her eyes. She wasn’t crying as hard anymore but Yuki could tell the girl was still badly shaken by what had happened.

“I’m okay.” Her voice was quiet, “I’m sorry.”

Yuki shook her head. “It’s alright. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“I was trying to be cool like you.”

Yuki was taken aback. “What do you mean?”

“You’re a really good swimmer and I wanted to try and be like you.”

Yuki smiled. “Only do what you can. Being a good swimmer takes time. You can’t rush it.” She frowned, “But I didn’t swim today until I came to get you. How did you know I was a good swimmer?”

Anya squeaked, her eyes wide. “Ah…uh…I…” She laid back on the towel with her arms crossed over her chest like a mummy, “I’m going to rest.”

~

“She’ll be okay.”

Loid sighed in relief. Yuki had called ahead to let him know what had happened and he had appeared out the front of the hospital just as Yuri had pulled up outside. He had joined them in the doctor’s office as he checked over Anya and was there when the doctor had given his final verdict.

“Thank you. Could you give us a moment alone?”

The doctor nodded, getting up from his desk chair and leaving, closing the door behind him. Loid turned to Anya. “You’ve got to be more careful.” His voice was firm but there was clear concern underlying his words, “You can’t try to copy people who are older than you. You can’t do things like that yet.”

Anya nodded. She had tears in her eyes again. “I’m sorry papa. I’ll be more careful next time.”

He sighed again. “It’s alright. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

He got up, holding out a hand to Anya. He turned to Yuki, reaching out a hand. “Thank you for saving her. I don’t know what would have happened if you weren’t there.”

Yuki stood and shook his hand. “Of course. I’m just glad she’s okay as well.”

They walked outside to rejoin Yuri. He had been asked to leave the office earlier for causing a commotion insisting Yuki get checked over as well. He turned to them as they joined him in the hallway.

“Everything okay?”

Loid nodded. “Anya’s okay. She just needs to relax for the rest of the day. I’m leaving work early to take her home.”

“And you?” Yuri turned to Yuki, “You were in the water as well, you really should have gotten checked over. I couldn’t handle it if you weren’t oka-”

“Yuri. Stop.” Yuki rolled her eyes, “I’m fine. I’ve handled worse and been okay.” She realised her mistake as soon as the words had left her mouth.

A moment of silence.

“What do you mean you’ve handled worse?!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[gojosoath]

Wilted Grace — Nanami/Gojo Fic

MINORS DON’T INTERACT! // 18+ ONLY!

pairing: nanami kento x gojo satoru x fem!reader (uses she/her pronouns) x poly relationship

tags: romance x angst x smut x polyamory x AU (no sorcerer stuff in this au, nanami and gojo are just normal dudes living in a normal world. lol) x fem! receiving oral x male! receiving oral x

warnings: smut x a bit of an age gap (everyone is a consenting adult fyi) x explicit language x mention of alcohol/alcoholism x mention of suicide x trauma venting x depression

Summary: (AU) The story follows Y/N, Nanami and Gojo in a polyamorous relationship; the three of them navigating the new dynamic relationship for the first time in their lives. The three of them begin exploring aspects both emotionally and sexually, finding themselves on a complex journey of facing their inner demons and also healing themselves.

Table of Contents

taglist: @adequate-superstar ; @chifuxu ; @moonlightchildz ; @crown5 ; @frankiesteins-world ; @peachytears11 ; @chaneleden ; @izu-fi

DO NOT REPOST/COPY MY WORKS ANYWHERE ELSE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ©gojosoath

a/n: i am SO sorry for how long this took for me to update, i have been so busy with the semester ending. next week is finals week so after this semester, i will have time to update consistently! thank you for all the feedback, it helps me so much when you guys give me feedback!! also, i promise gojo will get more involved in this story, just give it some more time ! enjoy!

Part 7: The Weekend (1/2) (wc: 7.3k)

You and Nanami planned to spend the whole weekend together. Nanami said he would pick you up at your dorm on Friday. Nanami had also texted you that he would pick you up by seven but it was past nine and you sat on your bed, not helping but feeling deeply frustrated. You texted Nanami and he told you that he still needed to get some work done. It frustrated you because it seemed he always was working and never gave himself a break. Chloe had already left the dorm to go back to her house for the weekend so it was just you. You were trying to distract yourself by listening to music. You were restless and impatient, finding yourself not being able to sit still to the point where you began re-organizing your desk. By ten o’clock, Nanami texted you that he was outside the dorm. 

You huffed as you grabbed your bag which contained the things you packed for the weekend. You locked your door and headed out to the front, spotting Nanami’s car immediately. You told yourself to let go of your frustration but you knew deep down, you were someone that can’t do that unless the issue gets resolved. You opened the passenger door and got in, where Nanami was already in wind down mode; blazer off, sleeves rolled up to his elbow and loosened tie. Despite you being annoyed with him, you still found him looking very sexy.

“Hey, I’m so sorry, got caught up with work,” Nanami says to you right away, his arm behind the headrest of your seat. 

You close the door behind you and avoid his gaze, “It’s fine,” You say curtly, followed by buckling yourself in. 

Nanami doesn’t say anything, he adjusts back into his seat and puts the car into drive, silently driving out of the dorm lot. You have your arms crossed over your chest and look out the window. You can’t stand it anymore, “Why did you need to work so late tonight?” You keep your gaze outside the window.

“I’m sorry,” You hear Nanami say, “I got caught up—”

You cut him off, “You’re always working!” You raise your voice. Nanami comes to a red light and he looks at you, you see the expression on his face, he looks like regret. You huff and turn your head back towards the window, a realization creeps into your mind; is this your guys’ first fight? 

“I waited three hours after our original time for you to pick me up,” Your tone is lowered this time, but still holds irritation. “Everyday you stay late working, you never give yourself a break. I was hoping we could take the time to spend together tonight…” Your voice trails off.

The light turns green and Nanami begins driving again, he says, “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I lost track of time…” 

You're raising your voice again, “You did the same thing to me when I wanted to talk to you!”

Nanami’s grip on the steering wheel tightens, he knows that you’re right. “It’s always the same thing, you already are putting work ahead of everything.” 

“Y/N…” 

“I started to think you were going to bail out tonight…” You confess so quietly you’re not sure if he even heard you.

Nanami wants to reach out to you, touch you, hold your hand. All he’s known for the past years is a schedule which revolved around himself. He’s always been a workaholic but believe it or not, it got worse after his relationship with Julia. He didn’t need to come home to anyone, he didn’t need to worry about someone else’s schedule. Now that he was finally experiencing a schedule that involved someone else in it, he had to admit, he didn’t think he was fully aware of how to go about it. 

“I know you’re right,” Nanami tells you, hoping he doesn’t sound defensive, “I shouldn’t have stayed after work tonight at all. I’m not excusing myself…it’s just that I’m still not used to dating and having a girlfriend.”

The last part makes your heart flutter, hearing him call you his girlfriend. The words make you turn your head back towards him, his eyes are on the road. When he notices you looking at him, he looks at you as well. Not for too long, though, as he needs to watch the road. You feel your anger subside, and uncross your arms from your chest. 

“I’m sorry,” Nanami says again, “I promise to make it up to you this weekend…” and then adds with emphasis, “our weekend.” 

You whisper, “I forgive you, Kento. I’m sorry for raising my voice on you,” and reach with your hand, he understands what you’re asking for; the two of you lace fingers and your clasped hands rest in the compartment. Once you two arrive at his apartment, Nanami offers to carry your bag and you let him. The two of you take the elevator and the moment Nanami closes and locks the door behind him, you throw your arms around his neck. The gesture surprises him, he doesn’t even have time to set down your bag and keys. He settles with pocketing his keys and you push the strap off from his shoulder, the bag dropping to the floor. 

You two kiss ardently, starting with lips moving in sync and then tongues swirling around one another. You love how saliva starts to build at both of the corners of your guys’ mouths. Nanami’s strong arms move down to underneath your thighs where you jump and wrap your legs around his waist. He tastes so sweet, tastes so…Nanami. His broad shoulders underneath your hands feel so lush, your mouth opens wider for him as he shoves his tongue further into your mouth. He walks over to the couch, not breaking the kiss from you. When he sits, you two pull from the kiss, foreheads pressed together. Your hands move to his tie where you play with it while he squeezes your hips. 

“What did you want to do tonight?” You ask him breathlessly.

He gives your nose a chaste peck, “Whatever you want to, love.”

You begin to wrap his tie around your hand until it’s formed straight and you lightly tug at it, “How about we take a bath together?” 

Nanami’s eyes widen at your suggestion, “Sure,” He carries you over to the bathroom, and on the way there, you’re giving him kisses over his cheeks which makes him break out into a cute smile. He sets you onto the bathroom counter and tells you he’s going to grab a pair of clothes for himself and for you. When he came back into the bathroom, he set the neatly folded clothes onto the counter. He stands between your legs and cups your cheek. His glasses are off and a few strands of his hair fall over his forehead which you find charming. Your fingers touch the strands of his blonde hair, pushing them back. You’re then moving your hand down to his tie again where you tug at it, a smirk playing at your lips. 

“Let me see you take this off,” You pull him in by the tie so his lips are crashing into yours. You can feel him smiling against your lips. 

“Anything for you,” He says against you and goes to remove his tie. You watch attentively, the way his fingers work at his tie like he’s done this hundreds of times and you know he has. He moves down to his wrist watch, clipping it off and setting it to the side with his tie. He’s wearing a navy blue dress shirt, the first few buttons are already done. He lets you unbutton the rest, biting your bottom lip as your fingers near down to his waist. Once his shirt comes off, you take him in; his toned abs and chest. Your fingers ghost over his chest, feeling like if you touch him any further, he’ll disappear from you. 

Nanami lets you touch him as you please, your fingers start from his chest and move down to his abdomen, his skin under you feels warm. You can already feel the heat forming between your legs. He is endlessly sexy and the thought of him inside you pops into your head, making you feel dizzy for a few seconds. You wonder how his abdomen would flex while he’s thrusting inside of you. 

Nanami’s fingers wrapping around your wrists break you from your thoughts, “What are you thinking about?” He brings your palm to his lips and kisses it. 

You chuckle, “Just how beautiful you are.”

Nanami gives your palm another kiss, and looks dead into your eyes, “Y/N, you can do whatever you want to me.”

You blink, you know what he’s referring to but you want to hear him say it, “Like what?” Your voice comes out as a whisper. You don’t even realize you’re holding your breath. 

“Anything you want,” Nanami specifies, “whatever it is, I know I’ll be okay with it because it’s you.”

You set your palms against his chest, “Then I’ll make sure to take care of you,” You tell him. 

“I want to take care of you, too,” Nanami remarks tenderly. 

Your hands go to his belt and you keep your gaze focused on the buckle, “I was wondering…” Your fingers fumble with the belt as you’re nervous to voice your thoughts, “if I could try, if you want to…”

Nanami cups either side of your face and makes you look at me, “What is it?” His thumb traces alongside your bottom lip.

“I-I don’t know how good I’ll be at it,” You falter with your words, and then add quietly, “I’ve never done it before…”

Nanami chuckles deeply, “You can tell me, what do you want to do?”

You finally meet his eyes, “I want to try giving you head.”

“Let’s take this to the bedroom,” Nanami recommends, picking you back up into his arms and taking you to his bedroom. He places you gently onto the edge of the bed and stands before you. His crotch is at eye level with you. 

“Walk me through it,” You look up at him with doey eyes that makes Nanami go crazy. You look so innocent asking him to guide you, he vows to himself that he’s going to always put your pleasure before his. 

“Can I try eating you out afterwards?” He asks.

You blush and smile, “Yes, I’d love that.”

Nanami cups the back of your head and you begin to unzip his pants, pushing them down until they’re at his ankles. He takes the rest off and you can already see the way he’s hard against his boxers. You bring your palm up against his hardened length and he stifles a moan. 

“Does that feel good?” You ask him. 

Nanami nods his head, “Yes, whatever you do, I know it’ll feel good.”

“I mean, how do I do it?” You ask sheepishly, “I know I put it in my mouth…”

“Just suck on it,” Nanami instructs you, “it’s up to you how deep you want it in your mouth. The tip is really sensitive, though.”

You bite your bottom lip from the smile forming at your lips, “Okay,” You say quietly and set your fingers at the waistband of his boxers. Before you pull down you lean in and kiss him right below his belly button. His skin tastes so good, your kiss forms into an open mouthed one, taking your time in memorizing the way his happy trail hair feels against your mouth. You find it adorable how his happy trail is also blonde, but darker than his hair color. Nanami gently rubs the back of your head and hums in satisfaction. 

“So good,” Nanami praises you in a whisper. 

You break the kiss and look up at him, feeling your chest swell at his compliment, “Please continue doing that.”

Nanami cocks his head to the side, a small smirk at his lips, you like that look on him; the way he looks when he teases you. “Do what?” His thumb comes to your bottom lips and swipes it. 

“Telling me how good I am,” You say, “or you can even be a little mean.”

Nanami’s eyebrows furrow, “Mean? To you?”

You nod your head, “Yeah, I’m okay if you’re a little mean to me.”

Nanami looks amused, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

You shake your head, a wide smile at your lips, “No, it’s okay.”

This time, it’s Nanami’s turn to ask innocently, “What should I say?” 

“Like how you want to fuck your pretty slut dumb.”

The both of you stare at each other with stunned looks on your faces; you are shocked that you said that outloud and Nanami is shocked because he’s never called anyone a slut before. Not even in a sexual, dirty talk context.

“But you’re not a slut,” He clarifies. 

“I know,” You say, “but I know you’re not actually calling me a slut because you look down on me. I just think it’d sound nice…coming from you, of course.”

Nanami leans down and gives you a kiss, forehead pressed against yours and noses brushing together, “Okay, but I want to make sure that you’ll be okay, that’s all.”

“I will,” You tell him and he stands back up, your fingers going back to his boxer’s waistline. You look up at him, not breaking eye contact with him. His fingers thread through your hair, holding onto it. You slowly pull down his boxers until his hard dick springs up, making you intimidated for a second. Nanami slips the rest of his boxers off, and you like the way his long legs look bare. Even his leg hairs are blonde. 

He’s killing me, you think to yourself. Nanami reminds you that you two can stop anytime you want to but you reassure him that you want to continue. You remember the last time you tasted Nanami, it surprised you. You wrap your fingers around his hard length and you can tell the way Nanami’s breathing changes just from your simple touch. His eyelids flutter close and you see the way his Adam’s apple rises as he swallows. He feels good in your hands, he’s hard for you. You close your eyes and bring the tip of his penis to your lips, Nanami shudders.

You want to take your time with him, you don’t want to miss a single detail about him. The tip of his penis against your lips feels strange at first but then you’re moving his tip over your lips, starting from the top and moving to the bottom. 

Nanami lightly tugs at your hair, “Look at me,” He rasps at you.

You snap open your eyes and look at him, he has that look on him which makes your legs tremble. His blue eyes are hooded with lust and love as he looks down at you. His chest is moving up and down along to his rapid breathing. His other hand moves to your face where he tucks a couple strands of your hair behind your ear. You love how big his hand feels against your face. You open your mouth slowly, the two of you holding eye contact, and you bring his tip against your tongue, wanting to get a taste first. You slightly wince from the overwhelming taste of how salty his precum tastes.

“You okay?” Nanami asks.

You nod your head and continue, putting him in a bit further, it’s odd to you to have something this hard in your mouth. Your taste buds are engulfed in the taste of precum, sweat and Nanami’s skin. You remember how he told you to suck and you get to decide how much of him you want inside. You don’t even have half of him inside your mouth. You’re not sure if Nanami is on the bigger side or if you just have a small mouth. Your cheeks hollow in as you begin to suck slowly and cautiously, waiting to see Nanami’s reaction.

Nanami throws his head back and whispers out a, “Fuck…” 

You continue to suck, putting him slightly further into your mouth, your other hand placed onto the side of his thigh. You can feel the muscles in his thigh tense as you suck harder onto his length. The taste of salt and sweat travels to the back of your throat. 

“So pretty for me,” Nanami admires you, both of his fingers in your hair, “you going to suck me off like the pretty slut you are?”

His words bring out a kick in you, not realizing the way you shove him even further that it hits the back of your throat and you choke, gagging. Nanami pulls out before you can even blink and he’s on his knees, holding your face as you choke into your hand, salvia over your chin. 

“Sorry,” You say hoarsely, your ears and cheeks burning with embarrassment, “I didn’t think it would make me want to throw up.” Nanami wipes your spit stained chin with the back of his hand, he looks deeply concerned about you. He rubs small circles on your back and you don’t feel like you’re going to vomit anymore. “I’m good,” You tell him with a reassuring smile. 

“We can stop anytime, you know,” Nanami reminds you. 

“I know,” You say, “and I want to continue. Sorry for scaring you.”

Nanami kisses you on the lips, “It’s okay, love.”

You let out a small laugh at his concern for you, you love it, “I’m okay, let’s keep going.”

Nanami gets back on his feet, fingers holding your hair back as you grab his hard cock and place him back into your mouth. You already feel more confident in it, you suck on him, little by little putting him deeper into your mouth but not to the point of gagging. You’re well aware of how when people talk about giving head, it seems to mostly consist of gagging and choking. You weren’t entirely sure you were into that just yet. So for now, you sucked on Nanami, starting from the middle of his cock and pulling back, each time you took him little by little out of your mouth, making sure to suck harder than before.

“Oh shit,” Nanami’s grip on your hair tightens, “you’re my pretty slut, Y/N.” You nod against his cock in your mouth and shift your focus to his head, taking it out and giving him kitten-like licks. This drives Nanami insane as you watch his eyes roll back, “Fuck, you teasing me?”

You smile against his penis and lean in to give his head a small kiss. You put him back into your mouth, and Nanami advises, “Here,” He gently grabs your hand and guides it to his balls, “give it small squeezes and play with them. It feels really good.” You follow his advice, fondling his balls with your fingers. Nanami hisses and groans, “Baby, keep doing that and you’ll make me cum.” 

You continue to play with his balls, giving it light squeezes while your mouth makes slurping noises with your saliva running down his length. He feels so good in your mouth, tastes so good, feels so close to you. You bob your head up and down, always giving his head special attention by sucking real hard. Nanami’s breathing beats against your ears, he’s lightly tugging at your hair and whispering cusses falling from his lips.

“Y/N…” He breathes, “g-gonna cum…” he fumbles over his words. 

You keep him in your mouth, your other hand even moving to his behind, your hand making a small slap noise as you push him further into you for him to cum down your throat. His ass cheek feels so nice in your palm that you can’t help but give it a small squeeze. You want all of him down your throat even if the taste isn’t to your liking. You look up at Nanami to catch his cumming face and it’s priceless; his lips parted in a small ‘o’ shape with his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. He lets out airy breaths as he finally cums into your mouth, and right before he does, you swear you feel his cock twitch slightly. 

The taste of his cum is something to get used to; it feels like trying to drink glue that’s overdosed with salt. You try to swallow but struggle as you have to take him out of your mouth since you’re gagging again. The rest of Nanami’s cum splatters onto your thighs. Strings of your spit and his cum mixed together stretch from your lips to the tip of his penis. You find the image very attractive and so does Nanami as he says;

“Holy shit.”

You look up at him and laugh a little, Nanami gets back down so you two are eye level with one another. You don’t realize he has tissues in his hands until he’s wiping at your mouth, along with his cum on your thighs. Nanami’s touch is gentle and he has a focused look on his face as he finishes cleaning you up. After he’s done with you, he leans in, places a kiss to your lips and pulls back to say;

“My turn, yeah?” He gets on his knees before you, placing pecks onto either side of your knees. 

You suddenly feel self conscious, “What if I don’t taste good?” You blurt the question.

Nanami reaches to cup your face in his large hands, “Don’t worry about that,” He eases you, “I already know you’re going to taste so fucking good.”

“I might not cum,” You admit quietly, “I’ve never been eaten out before.” 

“Tell me what feels good and what doesn’t,” Nanami tells you, “we’ll figure out together what makes you cum.” He gives you a small kiss on your lips, “I’m going to take care of you, remember?”

You nod your head, feeling stupid that tears are brimming your eyes from how self conscious you feel. Nanami notices and kisses you beneath your eyes, the kisses moving down your cheek, to your lips, chin, neck and between your chest. His lips trail down to your navel, making your breath hitch in your throat. Butterflies erupt in your stomach from his kisses, he has your shirt lifted right below your breasts where he gives you open mouthed kisses His hands gently lift your shirt further until your breasts are exposed, the cold air making your nipples harden from the temperature change. Nanami’s touch is precise, his fingers on both of your nipples as he pinches both of them. Your eyes flutter shut and Nanami’s lips move up to your breast, where he kisses one of your nipples. Your body is buzzing with excitement and arousal, back arched and your fingers tugging at Nanami’s hair. He latches his mouth onto your nipple, running his tongue that makes your jaw agape. His other hand on your nipple continues to pinch it and he begins sucking on your other nipple. While he sucks, you feel his teeth lightly graze over your nipple and a whimper-like sound falls from your lips. All of a sudden, the warm feeling of your nipple is gone as Nanami moves his kisses down all the way to your stomach. 

The kissing turns into nibbling right underneath your belly button, he begins to suck lightly and you gasp. He sucks for a little bit until he pulls back with his mouth making a ‘pop’ sound. There’s already a light, flushed pink color from where his mouth was. Your hands tremble, you feel like you’re already floating with ecstasy. You grip his hair on top of his head, the other hand set onto the bed, fisting the bedsheets.

Nanami licks the area where he gave you a hickey, “Fuck, you feel so good,” He says against your stomach, his voice vibrating against your skin. He looks up at you, eyes hooded with eagerness, “I’m gonna make you cum, okay?” You nod your head dumbfounded, and he places his hands underneath your thighs, guiding them so they’re placed over his shoulders. Your eyes widen the image before you; your legs over his shoulders with his head between, arms wrapped around your thighs where his hands rest on top of them. 

He squeezes your thighs with his large hands and places soft kisses on the inside of your thighs. Goosebumps paralyze your legs, your grip tightening in his hair. Nanami looks up at you again, but this time his expression is different, he looks at you with mercy and in a desperate tone, he tells you;

“Please praise me, be mean to me, too. The way I was mean to you.”

His words bring something out of you, like a rubber band snapping inside of you, you pull his back head so his chin is pointed upwards towards you and you say in a demanding tone, “Eat me out until I cum, baby.”

Nanami moans against his closed lips, and begs, “Call me a slut.”

“Eat me out, slut,” You order him, “don’t stop until I’m screaming your name.” You loosen your grip on his hair so he can bring his face between your legs, and he doesn’t waste his time, he lays the flat of his tongue against your clothed pussy and runs it up until it reaches your waistband. You shudder from the impact, the wetness of his tongue soaking through your panties making your toes curl. His teeth graze your skin as he bites the waistband of your underwear and pulls it down between his teeth. 

“Oh my God,” You let out a whine as you watch your underwear between his teeth, once it gets to your thighs, he uses his hands to pull at them apart until they rip before your eyes. 

You gape at him, he throws the ripped material to the side, “I’ll get you new ones,” He tells you as he looks up at you. Again, you’re dumbfounded and can only nod at him. “Fuck, I can already smell you,” His hot breath fans over your pussy, and then he says in a stern tone, “Y/N, look at me. Watch me eat you out.”

You follow his order, and he brings his fingers to the folds over your clit. You flinch as you feel his two fingers spread the folds. He stops and looks up at you for approval to continue, you tell him that you’re okay. He spreads the folds even further and leans in, giving your clit a kitten-like lick. Just from that sensation alone, your back is arching. Nanami leans in fully, latching his mouth onto your clit, swirling his tongue against your clit in circles. 

“Nanami,” You cry out, panting from the impact of his mouth onto your clit. “Fuck, that’s so good!” 

Nanami moans against your clit, he begins sucking on your clit, earning a gasp from you. His nose is against your pelvic, he’s so immersed in eating you out that your vision is starting to blur. There’s tension building up in your stomach, the bedroom filled with your heavy breathing and the sloppy noises Nanami’s mouth is making against your cilt. He pulls back to get a breather, his lips and chin are covered with your slick which surprises you. 

“Taste so good…” He says between breaths, “fuck, you taste so good, Y/N,” he leans up and smashes his lips against yours. You get a taste of yourself on him, it’s slightly salty, sweaty and sweet? He’s kissing you madly, his hand on the back of your head. He’s never been like this, it feels as if he’s unraveling before you and you’re obsessed. You kiss him back feverishly, and don’t even realize he’s asking you something between kisses.

“What?” You pant.

“Have you ever had your fingers inside yourself?” He asks again.

“No,” You tell him, “I don’t know, I’ve always been scared to try that.”

“Do you want me to try?” He asks, “I want to eat you out while my fingers are inside you.”

“Yes, yes,” You pull him in for another kiss, “fingers inside…now…”

Nanami cups your cheeks between his hands and looks at you through hooded eyelids, “You’re driving me crazy, holy shit. I’ve never felt this way…” 

“Fuck me already,” You tell him, “I wanna cum.”

Nanami trails kisses down your body until he’s back down to your crotch. Your legs are back over his shoulders and he thumbs your outer labia. “Let me know if it hurts,” He slowly begins to insert his pointer finger inside of you, the whole time looking up to see your reaction. The two of you hold each other's gazes, you feel his finger begin to mold with your muscles. As he’s halfway in, you feel a sting and flinch. Nanami pulls his finger out but you encourage him to try again. Nanami puts his index finger in again, slowly and this time, it feels good. Once his finger is all the way in, he leaves it in like that and goes back to licking at your clit. You feel him start to pump his finger inside of you at the same time he’s eating you out.

You’re a mess, your fingers grip onto Nanami’s hair, your legs slightly shake from Nanami’s tongue on your clit and his finger inside you. His finger feels so nice inside you, it already makes you feel so full. You wonder to yourself if you already feel full just by his finger, how is it going to feel when his cock is inside you? Nanami shakes his head side to side, tongue flat against your clit. He’s moaning and groaning against your clit, he’s enjoying this. 

“So good, Nanami,” You praise him with a mewl, “God, this feels so fucking good!” 

Nanami latches his mouth back onto your clit and you feel a slight graze, it’s his teeth. He grazes your clit lightly with his teeth that makes you throw your head back and a yelp falls from your lips. The sound surprises you, not knowing you had it in you to let out such a sound. He goes back to swirling his tongue but this time the circles are tight. You feel him insert a second finger inside you, continuing to pump his fingers. You arch your back, your crotch shoving further against Nanami’s mouth but he doesn’t care, he only grips onto your thigh over his shoulder tighter. Nanami’s two fingers inside you rub against your upper wall, and he tries something new, as he pumps his fingers out, he slams them back into you. 

“Fuck!” You practically screech, and Nanami continues slamming his fingers into you as he also works at your clit with his mouth. 

At first, you didn’t think you would cum tonight, but there’s a buzzing bliss building up in your lower abdomen, your legs feeling like putty. The pleasure builds up until you feel like your body is being washed over with an erotic euphoira. Your whole body dissolves to the submission of rapture; if stars had a feeling, it would be this. Your body burned, it reached a level of bliss that felt quite literally like a mystical experience. You didn’t even realize the way you had your head thrown back and crying out Nanami’s name over and over again like a chant. Nanami continues eating you out until your body falls slacken from your high. Your eyes are closed, strands of your hair sticking to your forehead from a light sheet of sweat glistening across your skin. Your legs continue to shake and you feel Nanami give your clit a small kiss, crawling next to you and pulling you into his arms. Your face meets his bare chest and you wrap your arms around him. 

Nanami rubs small circles onto your back with his hand. You start to feel like you’re coming back to earth, blinking a few times and then looking up at Nanami. He looks down at you, his hair is a mess from how much your hands ran through it. 

Nanami cups your jaw with his hand, “How was it?” He asks in a whisper.

You don’t know but you feel your bottom lip quivering and tears slipping past your eyes, the realization that this was your first orgasm by him. You first orgasm in sexual activity with someone else. Nanami kisses your tears that fall, being patient with you. 

“Sorry,” Your voice shakes, “I don’t know why I’m crying,” you let out a broken laugh, quickly wiping at your remaining tears.

“You can cry,” Nanami comforts you, his voice is so deep, it reminds you of what it feels like to fall asleep. “You can cry all you want, love.”

“It was amazing,” You tell him, “thank you for giving me such a loving experience with sex so far.”

You think you see Nanami’s eyes pooling with tears but nothing comes out. He lets out a sigh, “I think I’m falling in love with you,” He confesses.

You're speechless at his declaration, you’re not sure what to say, your mind is replaying the words he just said to you. All you can manage to say is, “Nanami.”

Nanami wipes at your brow with his thumb, “It’s okay, I know that sounds scary. I hope I didn’t scare you.”

You attest, “You didn’t.” 

He purses his lips, “I already know I’m going to fall in love with you,” He adds softly. 

Your eyes are filling up with tears again, and this time you know you can’t stop even if you tried, “Nanami,” You place your hand onto his cheek and give him small circles with your thumb, “I don’t know what love is” your voice cracks, “but I think you might be the one to show me what it is.”

You’re sure this time, there are tears in Nanami’s eyes and you watch as a single tear falls down the side of his face. You can see it in his eyes, in his face, all these years, he’s been through a lot. You see the weight of all his anguish presented to you in his face. You don’t know all the details of what he’s gone through, but at this moment, you don’t need to know the details. You just know that you and him made the best choice to go out on a date with each other.

Nanami leans in and presses a kiss to your forehead, “I’m going to take care of you,” He says against your skin.

You sniffle, wiping at your nose from all the tears falling down your cheeks, “I’m going to take care of you, too, Nanami.”

┅

Nanami came back over to bed and gently nudged you to tell you the bath he ran is ready for the both of you. He had let you relax in bed with a blanket placed over you while he went into the bathroom and got things going for you and him. You sat up and Nanami carried you bridal style in his arms over to the bathroom. You clasp your fingers behind his neck and love the way his face looks from the angle you’re in. His blonde hair is still messy from your fingers. Once the two of you enter the bathroom, Nanami sets you onto the edge of the bathtub where your legs are dipped into the water. 

Nanami steps into the bath and sits down, some of the water sloshing around as he gets settled in. His legs are so long that they are slightly bent so they fit the length of the bathtub. He puts his arms out for you and you get in as well, sitting where your back is pressed against his chest and your arms out the same direction as Nanami’s. He wraps his arms around your torso and places a kiss on your shoulder blade. 

You put your hands over his arms, “Can I tell you about my sister?” 

Nanami gives you another chaste kiss on the side of your neck, “Of course.”

You don’t know why you want to tell him such a vulnerable part of yourself, but you just do. You trust Nanami, there’s something about him where he’s shown you that he takes you seriously. “The reason why my parents were so strict with me is because my older sister struggled with alcohol from a pretty young age.” 

Nanami runs his hands slowly up and down your arms, bringing the warmth of the water to the upper part of your body. “She got into it when she was in high school…” You continued, “it got out of control. My parents didn’t know how to handle it…” Your voice trails off as you can feel the lump in your throat building up. There’s a weight on your chest and you don’t realize your whole body is tense until Nanami is hugging you from behind, his face in the crook of your neck.

“It’s okay,” He whispers, “take your time, I’m here.”

A couple of tears fall down your cheeks and you hug Nanami back, your hands holding onto his arms, “Thank you,” You say quietly. 

“My mother’s alcoholism caused our family a lot of problems,” Nanami fills in, “like I’ve mentioned before, my dad always acted like everything was normal. Since I have a younger sister, I was always trying to protect her from everything. Whenever my mom got out of control, my dad would just leave. I would always be the one having to deal with my mom…” 

You squeeze Nanami’s arms and lean down to kiss his arm, “You didn’t deserve that,” You tell him. 

“Mmmh,” Nanami’s chest vibrates against your back, “everyone in the family was aware my dad was having affairs. But no one ever said anything, not even my mom.”

You sit up, the water splashing lightly from your movements, and turn around so that you’re facing him completely. You tuck your legs underneath you and without saying anything, you hug Nanami. He hugs you back and you stuff your face in the crook of his neck, feeling yourself cry all over again.

You choke out, “My sister killed herself when I was only six years old.”

Nanami embraces you tighter in his arms, placing a kiss to the top of your head, “Let it out, I’ll hold you through all of it.”

Your cries transition into sobs, “It’s why my parents tried to control every aspect of my life, they were so terrified they would lose me the same way.”

Nanami holds your face and makes you look at him, “Breathe, Y/N. I’m here, you’re here with me.”

You hiccup, “I’m s-sorry! Sorry, I get really scared telling people this.”

Nanami wipes your tears, “Y/N, look at me.”

You’re blubbering, shoulders shaking and heaving for air between tears, “I was so young, I wish I could have saved her! I wish my parents had noticed that my sister was crying out for help! I wish she didn’t kill herself!” You’re wailing, your vision completely blurred. 

Nanami’s voice sounds like he’s underwater, muffled, barely there. You can’t recall how you lost yourself like this; floating, blurred, separated. You don’t know how you broke down like this, revealing something very vulnerable and traumatic like this to someone. Barely anyone knew this aspect of your life, only Naomi knew about it considering you and her have been going to school together since kindergarten. 

The feeling of cold water splashing against your neck startles you. Your whole body feels like it’s being electrocuted. And when you come back to life, the first thing you see is Nanami. It’s then when you hear it, the bathtub water is running, Nanami is leaned over, holding you with one hand on your lower back and the other reaching over your shoulder. Nanami shuts off the water, the bathwater you and Nanami sit in already feels cooler. 

“There you are,” Nanami remarks softly, “I needed to get you grounded.”

You blink, and Nanami leans back again so his back is against the bathtub. You exhale shakily, your hand going up to your neck where moments ago was touched with ice, cold water. You suddenly feel embarrassed and look to the side, avoiding Nanami’s gaze.

“Hey,” He grabs your chin with his pointer finger and thumb, “don’t shut yourself off. I know what you just shared with me is precious, it’s a part of you and I’m not going to take that for granted.” 

“Well, what you shared with me was vulnerable, too,” You comment, your voice still shaking from how hard you were crying. “Thank you,” You tell him, “for telling me about yourself.”

Nanami leans in and kisses you softly, pulling back where both of your foreheads are against one another, “I’m so sorry that happened to you, my love. You didn’t deserve to go through that and your parents should have handled it better.” 

You put your hands on Nanami’s shoulders, they feel so strong underneath your touch. Everything about him feels strong, his body, his endurance and his nature. You slightly shiver and Nanami tells you it’s time to rinse off with a shower.

The two of you stand underneath the showerhead, this being your first time seeing Nanami’s hair completely wet. His blonde hair sticks to his forehead and he pushes it back with his hands, his muscles flexing in his arms and upper back. Nanami asks you if he can wash your body and you tell him he can. He begins with slathering the body wash on your shoulders, his touch is gentle. This is both of your guys’ first time being completely naked in front of each other and for some reason, it feels natural. You don’t feel embarrassed, if anything, you want him to indulge in you being naked before him. 

Nanami’s hands rub the wash across your chest and before he goes lower, he asks for permission. Again, you tell him it’s okay and he spreads the wash across your breasts. His touch makes you lean your back against the shower wall, closing your eyes. 

“Feels good,” You tell him.

Nanami’s large hands continue to massage your breasts, “They’re beautiful,” He’s closer to you now, his lips brushing against yours as he speaks, “you’re beautiful,” he squeezes your breasts. 

The impact makes you lightly gasp, back arching and your hands flying up to Nanami’s neck for support. “Mmh,” You hum, “you already know how to touch me.”

Droplets of water fall from Nanami’s eyelashes, his hands continue below your breasts, “Let’s get you to bed. We’ll continue tomorrow, okay?” 

You nod your head and Nanami washes the rest of your body. It’s then your turn, you spread the body wash over Nanami’s body. He’s built so well, you can’t help but be handsy, giving his biceps a squeeze, his chest a squeeze, even giving his ass a small smack, making Nanami smile sheepishly at you. After the two of you rinse off, Nanami dries your body with a towel, lending you his robe which is way too long for you. Once the two of you finish brushing your teeth side by side in the mirror, Nanami carries you bridal style once again over to his bed so you don’t trip over his robe. 

You end up wearing one of Nanami’s shirts and he settles for only sweatpants. You take out the extra pair of underwear you packed and slip them on. You and Nanami get cuddled in, facing one another, he has one of his arms around your waist while the other gets tucked underneath his pillow. The two of you are too tired to even make conversation, the both of you fall asleep soundly, enfolded in each other’s company. 

[xthescarletbitch]

nsfw alphabet || clara garcía

18+, minors do NOT interact

cw: f!reader, smut, strap-on use, vibrator use, reader!giving, reader!receiving, exhibitionism

word count: 2400+ (oops, lol)

author’s note: i am tired of rereading this, so i am posting it as-is. apologies for any inconsistencies. 🥺💗

✦ A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

la jefa is so preoccupied with libertad y la revolución that spending much time with you after sex is rare, but she does try. when she is able to spend time with you, it’s filled with lots of cuddles and affirmations. she loves to tell you how much she loves and appreciates you, both through words and actions. she will also remind you of your future: living together, worry-free; getting married; starting a family; and loving each-other until old age…

✦ B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

if you asked her what her favourite body part of hers was, she would tell you her hands. you would be inclined to agree as her hands have accomplished so much! occasionally, you like to plant kisses all over her hands and fingers to remind her of the fact. and if you had it your way, you would be holding hands 24/7.

clara adores your lips and will absolutely kiss them every chance she gets. she loves how soft and plump they are. she also enjoys how magical they are, in a sense that they can wash away all of her worries and concerns. sometimes you like to tease her and pretend that you’re going to peck her on the lips, but then you turn and kiss her cheek at the last minute. she usually reacts by grabbing your face and pressing her lips against yours, thus satisfying her cravings.

✦ C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

she has no huge preference because she isn't picky. she does enjoy giving head and cleaning up the mess with her mouth if she has the time. and when she does, clara is extra and will make a show out of it (licking every single fucking finger like she just finished a delectable meal - because she did). another thing that she absolutely craves is when she's pleasing you and she hears that schlop sound. it's like a switch - instant feral mode. she will do anything she can to make the sound happen again. in fact, she wants the room to fill with the noise of your cute sounds, both from your mouth and cunt.

✦ D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

clara loves maps (shocker [lovingly]). it shouldn't come as a surprise to you that she has one dedicated to marking the places where you did it. she likes to hold onto that memory of your intimacy, especially when you're away on business for libertad.

one time, she was questioned about the map and got incredibly flustered. she was lucky enough to think about passing it off as a map with sight-seeing locations... because you are a sight to see (lolol i am sorry).

✦ E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

i think that she is fairly experienced. she’s a woman who knows exactly what she wants and will not beat around the bush. she's had flings in college where she experimented some, but it faltered after libertad (that is, until you came along).

sometimes she will get a little too excited and forget to appreciate the foreplay, but you lovingly remind her.

✦ F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

anything efficient. outward appearance means nothing to her during sex. she'll take you in missionary, doggy, etc. as long as she can bring you to orgasm, she doesn't care.

though, she finds herself fucking you in a particular position most of the time. you'll be leaned over a surface and she comes up behind you, lifts one of your legs up and then slams into you. she finds that she can hit it the best in this position.

✦ G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

clara is one that i think remains a lot more romantic in the moment rather than goofy. she is clearly very passionate about everything she does, so much so that it manifests itself into seriousness. to her, sex is something to be appreciated and respected.

on the occasion that she gets a bit goofy, you both end up laughing over something silly, like the strap slipping out of you.

it's nice to see her smile and laugh, you always think.

✦ H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

clara is surprisingly well-groomed for the current situation. she keeps herself relatively trimmed down there, all due to a personal preference. however, she has no particular preferences for a partner.

✦ I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

clara may be stressed the fuck out, but she is amazing at leaving those worries at the door (at least temporarily). when it comes to being intimate with you, she allows herself a moment to breathe and relax. clara will not deny you the love that she holds for you. we have seen how passionate she gets about libertad, it’s her life. but then again, so are you.

so to answer the question, she is absolutely romantic during the moment. there is the occasional instance where her stress can get to her and she gets a little rough during sex, but she always makes it up to you during aftercare.

✦ J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

clara will sometimes find it difficult to cope when you’re not around. her desires only grow the longer you are apart, and occasionally it’ll get unbearable. if she knows that she can expect you soon, she will wait. when she is unaware or knows it’ll be awhile, she gives into her urges and goes off to masturbate. of course, she imagines you the entire time.

✦ K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

when clara is actually able to dedicate time to sex, she makes it count. this includes overstimulation and multiple orgasms. she looks at it as a "let's make it last" - at least until your next session.

sometimes, she can get a little rough, but it's usually due to how passionate she can be. that will usually happen when your moans hit her ears a little too good and she just wants to hear it again, over and over.

✦ L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

most of the time, she enjoys being intimate on the comfiest camp bed (nothing but the best for you). however, she realises that it’s considered a luxury and is not opposed to having sex in unconventional places. there have been times where you both cuddle up to each other in the sand and watch the sun set, but the sexual tension becomes too much to bear and you end up fucking on the beach. there may have also been a few occurrences of fucking on the mission table when nobody else was around. in your defence, she looks incredibly attractive when planning recon.

✦ M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

being reminded that you’re hers. she works herself too much and will occasionally forget to exist in the moment. many, many times have ended up like this: she has been glued to her map all day and you notice how tense she looks. you start by slowly approaching her from behind and run your fingers along her spine. she’ll let out a little breath, indicating that she is starting to relax into your touch and allows you to proceed. you continue by caressing her skin and planting kisses along her neck, to her shoulders, and down her arms. you don’t stop there - you continue by planting kisses on her hands and fingers, ensuring that you make eye contact with her. you see her worries dissipate as you show her your undivided attention. knowing that you’re there for her and are willing to help her unwind is enough to get her going.

sometimes, all she craves is your touch.

✦ N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

while the thrill of being seen is attractive to some, clara would rather keep your intimacy private. of course, she isn't opposed to public sex so long as nobody else is around. additionally, like dani, she will never say anything to hurt or degrade you. she is very careful with her choice of words, especially in such an intimate moment where both of you are vulnerable.

✦ O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

she has no preference. it almost always starts with her receiving, though (her reward for stepping away from that damn map). the thing about clara, however, is that she always returns the favor tenfold. she is quite skilled with it, considering she will not leave the spot in-between your legs until she’s satisfied with your satisfaction.

✦ P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

everything in her life feels like it is going at hyper-speed, which has (unsurprisingly) contributed to her impatience. when it comes to being intimate with you, she is always excited to jump right in, which will usually happen quickly. once the ball has started rolling, she reminds herself to slow down and enjoy your moments together. she doesn’t know when the next time will be, if there is one. so for that reason, she keeps her pace slow and sensual as a way to truly cherish sex with her partner.

though... as i mentioned before, rough sex is not out of the picture for her. when it gets into that territory, her romantic factor is in correlation with her physical feats. just imagine the way she'd caress your face as she slowly, but roughly, pounds into you.

✦ Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

as mentioned before, clara is insanely passionate, especially about you. as such, she feels that quickies do not do her affection and lust any justice. that’s not to say that she won’t do them, because she will, but that she’d rather dedicate as much time as she is able to being intimate with you. she will do quickies as a way to bridge the gap in between truly fervent sessions.

✦ R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

being risky is nothing new for clara. she takes risks every single day that she opposes the regime. however, she prefers to keep things safe between you both. she will experiment and take risks within reason, contingent on the fact that she can confidently let her guard down. if she is unable to, it’s a no-go. she refuses to put you in any further danger (if she can help it).

✦ S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

clara can last pretty long and can go for as many rounds as you have in you. as implied before, she prefers to stretch the rounds out for as long as she can in order to truly appreciate it (and to keep going after one orgasm). unfortunately, she gets a bit anxious about libertad to go for countless rounds. she will usually allow herself to go on for at least two, possibly more if she isn’t immediately needed…

…at least that is what she tells herself, but she relinquishes some self-control as soon as she sees you sprawled out for her. libertad can wait. you cannot.

✦ T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

she definitely owns toys. at the very least, clara owns a dildo that she will use on you and herself. it’s a beautiful ocean blue.

additionally, she also owns a little vibrator that she likes to use when she wants to overstimulate you. it is a magnificent sight, truly. she loves how flustered you get when she pulls it out.

just imagine what i said for positioning: the way she has your back arched and pressed against her… she has one hand with the vibrator buzzing on your clit and the other hand gripping your waist as she pulls you back against her… the overwhelming feeling to just release already is building up, and so is her stamina.

✦ U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

clara is not one to verbally tease, no matter what it is. she takes everything very seriously, especially in the bedroom.

she will physically tease you. oh, did you want her to hurry up? now she's slowing down... and you can cum, but she won’t stop. unfair, sure. but she will ultimately give you what you want (always).

✦ V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

clara tries her best to be quiet, but that doesn’t always work out. when she’s receiving pleasure, she will let out occasional breathy moans and sprinkle curse words in-between. when she��s giving pleasure, she’ll moan for the sake of adding stimulation against you. if she’s using the strap on you, she will softly grunt as she pulls it out and slams it back in.

✦ W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

i feel like a common theme throughout this alphabet is the headcanon i have that clara is so preoccupied with libertad and the only thing to pull her out of it is you. i also feel that the reason for her intense passion is that she grew up being privileged compared to other yarans. she knows what it’s like to have everything, but has witnessed what it is like to be without. she knows how to appreciate what she has, while also fighting for what’s right. everything she does is for the good of others (sweet baby </3).

✦ X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

✦ Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

clara’s sex drive is so-so. sometimes she is so busy that she doesn’t pay it much attention. but when she’s around you, it’s high.

she is also not one to necessarily take her stress and frustrations out on you, but will turn her negative feelings into fervor. she seems like she could get along just fine, until she can’t. again, it’s all about where her mind is at and where you are.

✦ Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

clara will absolutely fight sleep after sex. she just wants to spend all of her time with you before she has to go back to her duties. as mentioned before, it’s rare that she can get a lot of time to dedicate to this, so she wants to make the most of it. a lot of times, you cuddle up and fall asleep in each other’s arms.

she sleeps the best when she is with you.

[ruby-whistler]

i made a list of the vibes of the hermits i watch, so you might want to check some of them out! this is just mostly jokes, but i thought all of the more “serious” propaganda was missing something, so have what truly makes hermitcraft worth it; the players’ unique styles!

will be back on my dsmp stuff asap but it’s the first day of season 8 and i would really appreciate if you checked them out through the links provided :]

Grian; [ episode one link ]

vibes of a 17 year old mcyter, is actually 27 and married

noo not my red jumpah!

chaotic capitalist

someone is making the server better through order? *starts another war* whoops, hand slipped :D

he built a- he rebuilt his entire megabase in survival, above a giant lake of lava, in the nether, on hard mode, upside down??

“watching as scar dies over and over in my trap is peak comedy and i’m tired of pretending it’s not” but it happens like 5 times i every season

video editing is very main-stream and good for short attention spans!

*sad montage over losing stuff he’ll get back in 15 minutes because he’s rich*

pesky birdd! great elytra flier! amazing builder! will tnt your house! poultrymannn!!

wholesome, chaos incarnate, talented architect

why won’t mumbo respond to my messages it’s been two weeks :[ (clingy)

doors???????????? your house has doors???? no doors for you good sir!

will laugh a lot at a lot of things, esp when he’s with his friends

genuinely just so fun to watch

Mumbo Jumbo; [ episode one link ]

perfect british accent

mustache man (warning: he has no mustache irl)

*fails ten businesses in a row* iskall please help

redstone is his element

“it’s actually quite simple” i like your funny words magic man, now can you repeat how in the hell you made a that fancy vault work-

filmographer?? i think? met up with grian irl

him and grian have a robot son named grumbot. that has nothing to do with the vibes but i had to mention him because he means a lot to me.

tries to stay out of wars and server politics until someone (grian) drags him into them

minigame maker, makes the hermits competitive and that is scary (also very funny) e. g. button, hermit challengesss!

“it’ll be fineee” *que shot of everything on fire behind him*

makes his base a living being and then all his neighbors end up feeding it instead of him

conspiracy theorist. bumbo baggins. the usual.

very entertaining videos that help you learn more about minecraft mechanics!

GoodTimesWithScar; [ episode one link ]

wheelchair creator with literally the best vibes

so wholesome i. he is so cool he makes me so happy :’D

*extremely cool announcer voice* ooooo hello there my fellow miners and crafters, good timeees with scar heree, and welcome backk to the wonderful world of hermits and crafting, and we’re flying over-

commentates everything extremely well

spends tenths of hours on builds within a single video and doesn’t bat an eye

lore for all of his builds! he builds these amazing bases to tell a story!

“i wanna see white flags! white flags, outside your base, by-“ wait no wrong anti-rebellion army leader

all videos have a clear objective

mostly building, but he loves hanging out/helping his friends!

loves disney movies! wants to go to space! :D

kind-hearted, always makes everyone else smile

can be chaotic but usually just tries to have fun and make sure everyone else has fun too

*flies into a tree on half a heart* wait what why did i die D:

scar. scar please eat. you’re going to die for the tenth time this video-

the non-chaotic capitalist, has extremely creative shop designs

a danger to himself, but also the kind of person you can’t be angry at for long

BdoubleO100; [ episode one link ]

the guitar music at the beginning of his videos brings a smile to my face, it just has such an immaculate mood

*camera pans over him as said music plays* ladies and gentlemen welcome to another episode of hoimycraffff

the way he talks is extremely endearing

one of the best builders on the server - probably best builder of interiors in existence

able to make a palette using any number of strange blocks and then make amazing builds using it

built a whole castle as a backdrop, then built an entire giant mountain for said castle

extremely sensitive to short jokes, usually gets pranked by others because his reactions are always so funny

his daughters show up from time to time in his room while he’s recording and it’s so cute

*has no way to see the sun but still knows it’s nighttime* gotta go schleep!

scar, pointing at him “this is why we can’t have nice sunsets”

(scar dies because of mobs every time bdubs isn’t on the server to sleep)

likes to be accomplice because he isn’t the one being made fun of (/lh)

*shoots himself in front of a confused grian because he thinks the guy wants his face again when he’s actually just looking for a netherportal*

is usually the underdog so it feels good when he wins

they’re all actually such great friends so it’s genuinely funny to watch

he himself is amazing at entertainment and just a very cool guy

ImpulseSV; [ episode one link ]

what’s going on everyone, my name is impulse and welcome back to hermitcraft!

always speaks with a smile in his voice

has a good dynamic with basically everyone

great co-worker and always helps out if he can

had his base turned pink during the swap, and instead of changing it back afterwards, he dyed his skin’s hair and clothing pink to match it

very cool and original building style!

makes a lot of farms and sells what he gets in his few shops

makes money to be able to do more stuff and make more farms

blows up most his base ever so often to rebuild parts. you know, like a normal person does in minecraft survival.

the grind is never over

the guy who always gets all of the work done on the school project and proceeds to be chill about it

always has very cool side-projects going on and puts his heart into all of them

pog timelapses!!

Rendog; [ episode one link ]

*short, funny scene from the video at the beginning slowly fades out into great music

dogs howling as the half-dog half-cog logo comes up*

greetiiings cyberdogs and citizens of the interbubs! this is ren diggity dawg coming atcha, in another minecraft episodes varuuummm the hermit. craft. server. (hey!)

we’re kicking things off today my friends, from the- *location name on screen*

that intro gets me hyped every time

he’s a furry who talks in bro language it’s great i swear - very atypical but fun

he transformed an entire biome into a star wars planet for his base

his building skills and dedication are incredible

horny (just a little bit)

the only person who cared about mycelium in the whole rebellion

does a lot of roleplay-themed stuff and mysteries to be solved

“b-dubba-dubs one hundred”

extremely upbeat & sweet guy

adds -age after everything “biddage” “flyage” to make it sound Cooler

amazingly positive always and funny as hell

mcc winner!! wooooooooo :D

always tries to be where stuff is happening and interact with people

very entertaining editing style

Iskall85; [ episode one link ]

drives joke into the mud and then picks them up and does it again which is funny

starts videos with one-off bits

iskallman!!! the superhero literally no one needed and yet there he is

only has one (1) braincell when with mumbo

they both do and they’re hilarious together every time

like when they laughed at squeaky noises for ten minutes straight. guys please you’re adult men

bernie the leaf master

omega (something) of doom!!

encourages gambling (in a videogame)

he has so many jokes he keeps using i can’t possibly fit them all in here

basically a wildcard

i have no idea what he’s doing this season

i have no idea what he’s doing ever actually

tame chaos, confusing to the point when it’s funny again

really great builder as well!

mostly for younger audiences but his videos are a good watch in general

feel free to send asks about hc! i’m already loosely involved in hermitblr but yeah, my dsmp followers aren’t immune :] /lh /j

[absolutepokemontrash]

The Brothers and Side Characters Play the Sims

I don’t know what possessed me to make this but WHATEVER. I’ve been playing the Sims since I was a wee little girl, and I’ve seen my fair share of weird Sims stuff that I feel would fit these bozos perfectly.

My Sims have a Functional Family Life Because I Don’t (Lucifer)

God dammit Levi’s obsessed with another game... ugh.

Spends 5 minutes in Create-a-Sim and hops into a starter home.

Lucifer���s the type to start with all the average stuff and then build their stuff up as his sim gets promotions.

It’s just... so peaceful...

...he’s adopting a dog.

Look at his new little virtual family... his sim-kids are self sufficient and getting A’s in school, his Sim spouse MC or Diavolo take your pick loves his Sim-self, his sim-dog-

WAIT NO- THE DOG’S AN ELDER?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAA-

...

He’s fine. It was just a virtual dog. *sniffle*

He’s now spending his free time drinking Demonus and playing the Sims.

What’s a mod? Levi why does your sim have gun?

Behold, My Gorgeous Home... It’s a Box (Mammon)

Mammon, like the rest of the HOL, is mooching off of Levi’s Origin account.

“AW SHIT! This house looks awesome! I’m gonna build it for Sim-me to live in!”

Mammon proceeds to build a box with rooms. Yay...

He just picks the funnest sounding job if he picks any job at all for his Sim. That’s how he ended up making 9 dollars an hour in the criminal career.

Didn’t stop Mammon from buying that solid gold bathroom set from Get Famous... a box with solid gold bathrooms.

His Sim is broke send help-

“Leviiiiiii my sim needs money... the people my sim kidnapped and is forcing to paint aren’t making enough money...” “Ugh... press control shift C and type ‘motherlode’.”

...Levi made a mistake.

“FUCK YEAH! MOTHERLODE!”

His sim’s life is so chaotic, he has a piranha pool that his sim has almost died in twice, the sim is carrying on several torrid love affairs, his sim got struck by lightning, his sim has nearly died in a grilled cheese making accident twice... in the same day.

At least once Sim-Mammon and Sim-MC get married things calm down a little.

Mammon finds out what custom content is and proceeds to download EVERYTHING HE CAN FIND.

And now he’s asking Levi why his computer is running so slow.

Expansion Pack King (Leviathan)

He got into it back when the Sims 2 was new, he’s a veteran fan.

“Bro remember when Agnes Crumplebottom would show up and whack the shit out of your sims if they were flirting?”

“Remember when that witch would show up randomly on the lot you were on if you had Makin’ Magic?”

“Remember when Bella Goth was abducted by aliens and we just... didn’t question it?”

He whines about the Sims4 and how crappy it is but still buys every expansion pack, game pack, and stuff pack.

This boy watches like 40 hours of built tutorials and ends up sobbing over his weird roofs.

“WHY DOESN’T IT LOOK AS NICE AS THE ONE I’M LOOKING AT?! THIS ISN’T FAIR!”

The mod folder is so full istg-

Levi gets custom content for the sole purpose of making his favourite fictional characters.

This is why Henry and the Lord of Shadows are married and Ruri-chan and Sim-Levi are roommates.

Oh my god they were roommates-

Levi also added his brothers to the world and uh... Sim-Mammon died in a tragic pool accident F.

Levi then proceeded to befriend the Grim Reaper.

He’s anxiously awaiting the release of Paralives.

Wait Gameplay? In This Build Simulator? (Satan)

Satan’s here to build and leave. Gameplay who?

Our favourite bundle of rage is a master architect and the amount of followers on the Gallery he has shows it.

He takes up those build shell challenges and always ends up making them look positively perfect.

Asmo’s always using his houses, and Satan often takes requests when he gets bored.

No Mammon, he reserves the right to refuse to build a golden castle for you- YOUR SIM HAS 40 SIMOLEONS-

No mods, no CC, he’s building with what EA gave him.

...and EA gave him debug objects, and he’s not going to explain how to get them.

The one time he did actually play with a family... it was one sim and seven cats.

He tries to play without cheats... and ends up getting frustrated and turns on cheats.

All hail the Pets Expansion Pack.

Custom Content Soap Opera (Asmodeus)

Asmo spends 5 hours in Create a Sim then just... clicks out of the game.

That’s how it goes most of the time, buuuuuut when he gets super invested in a family he’s made, boy howdy is he INVESTED.

Sim A is carrying on an affair with Sim C who’s in love with Sim B who’s married to Sim A but Sim D wants to kill Sim A and C even though they’re the illegitimate child of Sim C-

When Asmo realizes that in the Sims 4 he needs to manufacture all the drama himself and he can’t just sit back with a glass of wine and watch the fireworks, he switches to the Sims 2 and 3.

“...why is this old lady beating up my Sim..?”

He immediately recoils in horror upon seeing how ugly the Sims are pre Sims4.

HE NEEDS TO FIX THIS-

Ah, there we go, perfect. Custom Content to the rescue!

He ends up remaking the entire world just so he doesn’t have to look at weird looking Sims.

Asmo is the only one to have finished a proper Legacy Challenge, but it gets crazy chaotic after gen 3.

“My sim just got abducted by aliens and now he’s pregnant- WHAT?!”

He has about 40 saves and only two he actually plays.

Just a Big Ol’ Happy Family (Beelzebub)

Beel found the game, proceeded to make everyone in create-a-sim to the best of his abilities, and made everyone get along.

That’s why Sim-Lucifer and Sim-Belphie are on a swing set together, they’re friends :D

“Hey Luke do you think you can make this?” “I-is that a cake shaped like a hamburger?” “Yes. Please make.”

He took one look at the cooking options and decided to max out his Sim’s cooking skill to unlock all the options.

Beel proceeded to drool all over his keyboard. Gross...

Boy howdy did he have some crazy dinner suggestions!

Overall, very wholesome Sim-life, except for the time Sim-Levi died because the toilet caught fire, don’t worry, Sim-Beel knows how to make ambrosia.

All is good in the Sim save...

...until Sim-Beel ate pufferfish nigiri and fuckin died-

Wait Did I Not Pause- (Belphie)

Huh, this game looks fine... I’ll play for a little- *SNORE*

Belphie makes some sims, plops them into a starter home, plays for an hour, then falls asleep.

He wakes up five hours later to absolute carnage.

Three sims have died because someone decided to make Mac and Cheese and the oven caught fire, the kids were taken away by social services, and the dog ran away.

“...heheh, holy shit everyone look.”

He doesn’t play often, but when he does, death occurs. He has found out every death method for every game from Sims 2 to 4.

And that INCLUDES the Sims Medieval! You guys remember that game?

Sometimes it’s not intentional, but Belphie got bored with the totally normal life his sims were living and decided to spice it up.

“Why are the ghosts breaking my showers..?”

Help There’s a Bug- (Diavolo)

The Crown Prince started playing when he noticed Lucifer was playing it.

He was immediately obsessed.

Dia mostly plays the Sims Medieval because he likes the feeling of achievement after completing a quest!

“Barbatos... why isn’t my Sim completing their task? The icon won’t show up.” “My lord it appears the game is bugged.” “:(“

No one thought to tell Diavolo that EA doesn’t plan on offering bug support to a game made in like... 2009

This doesn’t matter! Look at how great his kingdom is doing- oh no his hero has the plague-

He plays through the Pirates and Nobles expansion and manages to get the peaceful ending, he’s so proud of himself.

“MC! Look! My Monarch’s sword is permanently on fire and I’m fighting an evil wizard!”

When he does play the other Sims games he’s pretty basic, though, he does a great job at furnishing!

Dia gets crazy sad when his Sims die... he turns off aging.

Builder no. 2 (Barbatos)

Barbie doesn’t have time for this... but when he does, he builds.

No create a sim.

No playing the game as intended.

Just builds.

It’s relaxing, okay? A nice little suburban house he’s never going to play in, maybe a treehouse, maybe a big Hollywood Mansion...

The only time he actually plays the game outside of build mode is when someone needs his help to fix something in-game.

He does download custom content build items if he feels bored by the current selection.

Oh Crap What Am I Doing?! (Simeon)

Help him. Please.

He’s so confused.

“Luke, why is my sim upset?” “He’s hungry, Simeon.” “Oh, how do I fix that?” “...Simeon-”

There’s a toilet in the middle of the living room.

The fridge is facing the wall.

There’s no bathtub or shower.

The house is on fire- there is no god- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Okay, once he gets the hang of it he’s sitting pretty. His sims have good jobs, the kids are getting good grades, everything’s fine.

...

But Simeon won’t forget the nightmares.

What Even is This Save? (Solomon)

Solomon’s save is the definition of chaos.

One sim’s a vampire, the other is a spellcaster that really wants to fight the Callientes for some reason, there’s one normal sim that’s always sick for some reason,

It gets weird, confusing, and horrible.

Just how Solomon likes it.

His house makes no sense, like, what even is architecture?

Money cheats are needed because Solomon‘a goal of chaos and confusion is proving to be kind of expensive.

Square up Mortimer Goth, Solomon’s sims are here to steal your weird knight statue that’s worth a shit ton of simoleons for NO REASON.

He joined the scientist career for the sole purpose of getting to the alien planet and kidnapping adding an alien to the household via cheats.

The vampire ended up dying on their wedding day because Solomon forgot that he gave them the sun weakness.

Oh well, the ghost got added to the household! VAMPIRE GHOST!

The Child (Luke)

Before you say Luke’s too young to play the Sims, you should know that I was nine when I first started playing, and I turned out fiiiiiiiiiine.

He’s just happy to be playing.

Look, his sims are gardening :D

Look, two of them are getting married :D

Look, they had a baby :D

Look, his sims are building a rocket ship :D

Look, his sims’s rocket just crashed-

The concept of death hit the little angel right in the face that day.

“*sniffle*... my sims...”

Don’t worry, with tears in his eyes, Luke quit without saving and everything was fine!

Speaking of My Sims, Luke played MySims Sky Heroes and that was when Luke had his first bout of gamer rage.

MC came over to hang out with Solomon and Simeon, and in the distance they could just hear:

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY TIME WASN’T FAST ENOUGH TO CONTINUE THE STORY!? I’LL SHOW YOU FAST ENOUGH TIME!”

Okay, maybe Simeon should take the game away... just for a bit... he should take heed not to be bitten by the incredibly angry chihuahua.

Bonus:

MC: Why are our Sims married?

*Insert Boy Here*: Uh... that’s weird... I have no clue why they’re doing that...

[blzzrdstryr]

Chrysalis

Yandere!Albedo x gn!reader

Wordcount:2115

CW:Yandere themes

Working for Albedo isn’t that bad - the payment is good, the knowledge he provides is even better - a chance to delve into exclusive alchemical research with a widely acknowledged genius is a far more valuable award than any amount of mora or jewels could ever be. Said prodigy isn’t an awful person to work with either - he’s polite and well mannered, careful not to offend anyone even if his words can be cold and cutting sometimes. Most of the time Albedo is a pleasant company to be around, if one would turn a blind eye to his quirks.

For instance, he has a weird and frankly unnerving habit of staring at you - his teal eyes track your littlest movements as you set up an alchemical apparatus and prepare needed solutions. At first you thought he was overseeing you, checking if you had made any mistake as a fledgling alchemist, yet this hypothesis was quickly disproved when you caught him gazing off working hours. You never voiced your complaints - you wanted to keep your job and study, and maybe he is too socially blind to see how his behavior could be received by others.

Today would also be a great example of an alchemist's lack of tact - he requested you accompany him everywhere for the last few weeks, taking you from the cold heights of Dragonspine to sunny and bustling streets of Mondstadt. You two are sitting in the corner of his laboratory designed for rest and food and share a meal: two portions of his favorite fish, despite being nothing more than the employer and employee or teacher and student.

Albedo doesn’t seem to get or mind what kind of rumours he causes with this seemingly blatant favouritism before you, no he looks as calm as usual as he plunges into the dish with fork and knife.

“[First]”, he says, after the first bite: “Have the aches stopped bothering you?”, a hint of concern and something else. Two or three weeks ago you developed a strange soreness in the different parts of your body - wrists, neck, heart, legs - it would appear suddenly, burning and throbbing and making you gasp, leaving you tired and nauseous afterwards. No one could find the source of the problem, not even Albedo, yet after some time these far from pleasant sensations got subdued, easier to bear and endure.

His hand reaches for your left wrist, thumb caressing the skin, and he pulls it closer to his face, eyes examining the sore spot. You don’t protest, stunned by his sudden action.

“Hm, that’s”, he mumbles, more to himself than you: “that’s good”, he concludes, letting go of your limb.

“What’s good? Did something change?” you inquire, instantly forgetting to take offense at his grabbing.

“You could say that”, Albedo ambiguously says and returns to his fish. You ask the alchemist what he meant, but all you get are even vaguer answers and long silence in the end, as he finishes his meal and nudges you to start your own sunshine sprat.

In the end your questions remain unacknowledged, as Albedo leaves displaying you to accompany him. Surprisingly he heads for the gardens instead of the library, his step light and fast. “Master Albedo” you start, seeing that alchemist is in his creative mood again: “shouldn’t you bring an easel or sketchbook with you?”

“No, [First], I don’t intend to draw, not now. This walk is for me to get some inspiration”, Albedo quickly replies, still walking ahead: “In this time of year the environment changes so rapidly, it provides a mind with a lot of good ideas. You should come with me too, alchemy is a science of change, creation and destruction and nature is better at these three aspects than any of us”. He adds, seemingly sensing the next question you would ask.

He walks near the bushes, teal eyes focused on the blooming fragrant flowers, before he squats, pushing some of the wigs back.

“[First]”, he turns his head in your direction: “you should come and see”. You comply, curious what has caught Albedo’s attention, squatting near him and looking at one of the inner branches usually hidden by others.

It’s an ordinary dark cocoon. You almost turn your head again, before the slightest of movements catches your attention - it’s an insect trying to break out. Chrysalis cracks and deforms as a fledgling butterfly makes way past it’s confines. One second and it stretches its wings, revealing a vibrant blue coloration, the next it leaves it’s former cell entirely, elegantly soaring into the air, it’s azure wings lazily flapping, as it makes its way to the other bush.

“Fascinating”, Albedo breathes out, eyes still on the disappearing figure of the insect: “It transformed to such a great extent”.

You hear a hint of excitement in his voice - he wants to share his thoughts or knowledge then - and nod, prompting him to continue.

“Did you know that a larva needs to literally dissolve itself to reach the next stage of its life? After caterpillar finishes its cocoon, it produces enzymes that turn most of its tissue into a liquid matter and only after that does it rebuilds into an entirely new form”, he turns his gaze back to you, usually cold and thoughtful eyes now warm and dreamy: “Sometimes, I think humans are meant to metamorphose too”.

“How so?” you ask, tilting the head.

“Humans, despite all complexity and intelligence, are still fragile creatures. They’re prone to sickness and ailments and in the end old age ends those who managed to evade death before. Wouldn't it be better if one could go through metamorphosis, be reborn free from pain and hunger and constant threat of passing away? Those humans could live on forever and dedicate themselves to the higher cause without having to worry about dying and suffering".

You raise eyebrows, surprised by the sudden “outburst” - Albedo, despite his partially philosophical nature, has never shared his inner thoughts so freely, not to you at least. He, either out of embarrassment or deep contemplation, shifts his eyes somewhere behind you, and you turn back, following his eyes. He looks at the statue of Barbatos.

Tall and proud, it looks magnificent in the day’s sunlight, golden rays making it glow and shine with the fairness of the marble. Looking at this epitome of unchanging vision, you suddenly get an answer to Albedo’s thoughts and you voice it out the same second:

“Wouldn’t it negate the meaning of life then? Nature breeds diversity - the reason why we have so many flowers is because some kinds aren't adapted to particular conditions and so they change, producing entirely new types of plants. Eternal and undying beings, unconcerned with the earthly matters would have no need to reproduce and pass on its features to the next generation, depriving the world of thousand possible combinations. No new life would be created if the old one could be perfectly sustained".

"That's how you see it", Albedo replies, placing a now empty husk of the cocoon inside your palm - the testament of the nature’s miracle, the testament of one's ability to change: “I’ve witnessed many wonderful sights for today”, he adds, still looking at you, surrounded by flowers and flying butterflies, light breeze playing with your hair and sun illuminating your whole figure with a gentle golden glow.

You part with Albedo shortly after - he closes himself in the lab, before checking up on your sore spots again, quietly mumbling something to himself the whole time. You head for your house and open the alchemical textbook, studying it until late night. That place on the wrist slightly throbs at every movement.

Only when your eyelids fill up with lead and thoughts slow down from the general fatigue you allow yourself to head for the bed, falling asleep the second your head touches the pillow. You see phantasmagorical dreams - of you being a bulging and large larva, spending days simply eating green leaves, until a strange urge overcomes your entire being and you start to build something - a cocoon. Now, surrounded by pitch black darkness you feel a burning sensation - enzymes, enzymes that will dissolve your tissue. Pain quickly escalates and you want to scream and cry, but you can’t - you’re an insect you don’t have vocal glands or tear ducts to do so. Who could have known that butterflies suffer so much?

You writhe and squirm, caged by your liquifying body and hard chrysalis around you and you are in so much agony you want to die.

And then you wake up. All sweaty and distressed you grab at your wrist - it hurts so much, your entire body is on fire, it seems that you have another episode of that strange soreness. You quickly rise to your feet, snatching the painkillers from the nightstand and downing them with a gulp of water. As medicine begins it’s work you lay in the bed again, ready to fall asleep and forget the midnight pains, as you see something that makes your breath hitch and heartbeat fasten from fear.

A strange greyish white discoloration on your wrist in the same place that used to throb this evening. You touch it and it leaves a dry white imprint on your fingers, it also doesn’t have any strange smell.

You rise and quickly dress up, barely suppressed panic and anxiety dispelling the last remains of sleep. The walk towards the Favonius HQ’s is short, especially when you break into a sprint on the way. He is here, he is working into the night today. Quickly passing sleepy knights you climb on the second floor and almost run to one particular door, loudly knocking at it.

Just as you expected, there’s a sound of footsteps and soon a familiar voice asks: “Who is here?”.

“It’s me, master Albedo”, you say, feeling how the pain returns despite the painkillers taken: “you said to report if something changes, with my aches. It changed”.

The words you say and desperation accompanying them prompts alchemist to open the door, as he gestures you to come in, and shut the door as you do so:

“Strip”, he says, mind back to the analytical mode, you comply, feeling ashamed with every second Albedo continues to observe you: “Wait, there’s something on your neck”.

A cool touch to your skin, a short yelp, another burst of pain. You fall on your knees, blinded and deafened by sheer agony. Alchemist produces a distressed noise, walking up to your collapsed figure and carrying you to the nearby table.

He pushes alchemical apparatus away, turning the table into a makeshift bed, and gently lowers you down. “[First]”, his hand card through your hair, while the other nudges a mug with some brew to your lips: “There’s nothing to worry about, your metamorphosis progresses as it should be”.

“Metamorphosis.. What are you talking about?”, you ask, panic creeping into the question. Alchemist looks you straight into the eyes, an eerie smile blooming on his face as he hears it: "Isn’t it obvious? You're going to change and I will help you with that".

“Change?! Change into what?”

“Into a better version of human of course. Do you think I would let you get old or sick and die? You’re too dear to me to do that, you should live and experience a life free from human limitations”, for the first time in your life you’re terrified of him. Albedo always seemed so knowledgeable and calm to you, like a wise wizard from the childhood fairytales, yet now he looks mad and devoid of any humanity:“You shouldn’t worry about these stains, they will disappear once your transformation is complete. Those are just chalk you see, a side effect of your tissues changing over the weeks”.

“When did.. When did you start it?”, you croak out, sensing the agony returning and growing again. It hurts so much I can barely think.

“Dragonspine. You were eating with me”.

You want to insult and accuse him, yet another wave of pain renders you speechless, short huffs and whimpers escaping you as tears start to stream down your face.

“I understand it can be very stressful to you, given how change of this scale is always carrying a great risk”, his voice adopts the same philosophical tone: “The purpose of cocoon is protection of the soon-to-be butterfly from the external harm and influence that could lead to other complications and we don’t want any of that”.

He cards his hand through your hair again, a mockery of a concern dyeing his next words: “You shouldn’t worry, I will be a good chrysalis to your metamorphosis”.

You black out from pain.

[crystal-moon-101]

Since I saw people talking about Ben's little big chill kids, I thought I'd finally do some headshots of my ones, who are also a part of my Ben 10 Next Gen. For me, I've always imagined that for young necrofriggians, they all start out looking the same (Beyond some size difference), but as they grow older, they'll start to develop their own patterns, small body traits and shades of colour, as showcased here. I'll share the little info on each sibling, and the basics of who they are as a person. When Ben first found them again, saving them from poachers and going full mum mode, they had been developing these different psychical traits, but not enough to identify each properly on their own, so while giving them names, Gwen used bandana pieces to colour code them, and each kid still wears theirs to this day, slightly modified. So here they are now, as full grown young adults. You can follow from left to right each row, or just the colours next to their names. -North (Black)- The largest and physically strongest of the kids, North acts as the leading member when Ben isn't around, doing their best to watch out for their siblings and be a middle ground to them. It's been this way since they were born, looking out for them and doing whatever they can to protect the others. This has resulted in North collecting quite a few scars and wing tears, though they wear them with pride, wanting to display how strong they are to others. They often looks up to Ben when it comes to being a hero, in how their mumdad protects others and the galaxy, and wants to be a fighter like him one day, often asking to train with their mumdad whenever he's around. Ben has suggested Plumber training for North, but they're still thinking about that. -Tundra (Red)- Tundra is a very curious one, and is known to wander off when things catch their interest. They prefer using experience to learn from, thus making them quick on their feet when something happens, and good at thinking logical. When the siblings are struggling with something, or come across some kind of problem, it's often Tundra who provides the quickest answers that should go well for them. That being said, due to their wandering, they gave gotten into trouble a few times and need to be saved by their siblings or Ben, as despite how smart they are, they can be a bit of a ditz when something catches their interest. -Grey (Silver)- Having a connection to the earth bellow, Grey often spends their time searching caves, and any hidden areas they can find. They especially love to research and find minerals of any kind, ranging from metals to gems, sometimes even studying their metal lunch for the day before eating it. Because of this, they can be carelessly dirty, and aren't the cleanest of people, but does pick up after themself when reminded. Grey is also pretty close with their sibling Storm, and surprising Gwen and Ben when first hearing the two call each other "Dweeb" and "Doofas", when first meeting them again. -Storm (Brown)- As someone who likes to spend a lot of time flying and high in the clouds, Storm is fascinated by the weather and how it behaves, and feeling the cold fresh air and challenging themself with flight training. This has provided them to have the most agility in the air, and knows the best ways to build up speeds, while also not draining themself. Whenever they aren't flying around, they're doing research on the weather, very keen to be a meteorologist one day. Whenever Ben visits, they will often ask him about the weather on other planets, and any adventures he's had in the sky. Storm is also pretty close with their sibling Grey, and surprising Gwen and Ben when first hearing the two call each other "Dweeb" and "Doofas", when first meeting them again. -Crystal (Blue)- Graceful on their feet, Crystal is a charming and gentle person, with a keenness for the art of dancing, especially when hovering in the air. This was something sparked in them when seeing how the patches in their wings, which are see through, glittered and reflected light through them, making Crystal often move around to see what they could get them to do, and the introduction of dancing was something they latched onto as a result. They are one of the hardest of the siblings to get angry, upset or rile up, and often goes with the flow and speaks in a slow and soft voice. Because of their kind nature and beautiful display of their wings, Crystal has attracted many others who are interested in them, many falling for them after meeting Crystal for a mere minute, though they tend to pretend not to notice, and turn down those who ask. -Orion (Orange)- Having an eye for art, Orion is a skilled painter and drawer, while also dabbling into other art forms to create things, their room filled with their works of art, and often creating gifts for others. From when they were little, Orion has always admired their auntie Gwen, and are always keen and eager to hang out with her when she visits, showing every new drawing and painting they have made while she was away. In fact their fondness for auntie Gwen is why they picked the orange bandana, as it reminded them of her hair. -Neva (Green)- Fashion focused and head strong, Neva is a keen one, who knows exactly what they like and isn't afraid to say it. They love designing things to wear, especially since fashion isn't that big on Kylmyys, and Ben brings them fabrics and items they request from earth whenever he comes by on a visit. Though, despite Neva's expensive tastes, they are most certainly aren't a snob, and more often than not create outfits and accessories for others that Neva knows they'd like, and wants to bring out the best beauty in them. Though admittedly, they can get a bit carried away if someone asks for fashion advice, or even brings up the idea of something related to it. Neva also a bit of a business mind too, having gotten some clients recently on their homeworld after seeing what Neva could make. -Raine (Aqua)- A very sweet young one, Raine has a keen eye for collecting things, particularly shiny or unknown stuff. From gemstones to simple earth utensil, if something interests them, Raine is known to take it with them, sometimes snatching without thinking. They don't mean any harm, and just sometimes think before acting, and will give something back if they've realized what they've done, but if it's clear they can keep it, then they aren't one to share, though do like to show off what they have with joy. They are also very well organized, knowing where everything they own is, and even when their siblings misplace something, having a photography memory and mental list of things. They may own a lot of stuff, but that doesn't mean they want to live in a pigsty. -Vale (Yellow)- Being one of the quiet ones, Vale likes to keep a lot to themself, and don't speak very often, only when they need to. They spend a lot of time outside, observing nature as it passes by them, using a little diary to note down what they see, hear, feel, smell and even taste. They like to appreciate silence and the world around them, and the beauty of nature, and collect little things to store away in their diary as memory. Whenever they visit earth, they love to visit the forests in the spring and summer, seeing the range of colours blooming from flowers, and has many flower prints because of this. -Lux (Beige)- Quite the basic of people, Lux likes to live life in a simple way, and tends to try and stare clear of any chaos, which is quite hard when you have 13 wild siblings. Because of them, they can come across as annoyed and frustrated at times, and can be blunt and honest, but they do love their siblings, and is often the one that says what's needed to be said. Lux also have massive wings compared to their body, a ratio none of the others have, and use to trip over their feet a lot growing up. Now, their massive wings are a great way to hide away when they're not in the mood to talk to read a book, or to hug a family member when seeing them down. -Micha (Pink)- Bubbly and sneaky, Micha has been dubbed the "Pink Ninja" for a reason, someone almost always able to hide away and sneak up on others. They love to jump scare people, and has found more and more crafty ways to get around without being noticed, even without their ability to go invisible. They love to pull jokes and get a laugh out of people, and Micha is known to have a snort with their own laughter. It's always their mission to catch Ben off guard when he visits, as each time it gets trickier due to him knowing it's coming, and his training and skills build up over the years, but Micha always finds a way in the end. -Zodiac (Gold)- Patient and often neutral toned, Zodiac is often seen to be pretty wise. From a young age, they've always loved stories from history, especially those about myths and legends they hear from around the galaxy, and spend a lot of their time reading and researching anything they hear about, always keen to hear a new story they may have never heard about before. It always fascinates them how much Ben has seen and done, and the stories he tells, Zodiac is practically fond of those about Alien X and Celestialsapians, and wants to meet one one day. -Alaska (White)- High on energy 99% of the time, Alaska is always zooming around and never has time to stop. They rarely sit still for long, and it takes a lot to drain them of their endless energy, always moving in a blink of an eye. Because of this, Alaska is the fastest of the crew, which has come in handy often. But they can be easily bored, and a little frustrating to deal with when they don't pay attention, but they do like to spend that energy by jumping around each sibling to spend the day with, and wants to engage in all of their activities to support them. -Arlo (Purple- The smallest of them, Arlo was born the runt of the group, but thanks to their siblings, especially North, they managed to survive childhood when most other necrofriggian runts would have died. This makes Arlo the baby of the group, and the one they all want to protect, even if it can be a little baring at much, wanting to prove they can be strong on their own. And Arlo somewhat got their wish, when reaching a certain age and Ben learning that one of his children had the spark, thus meaning Arlo is an Anodite, and is able to use magic, though they're far from being perfect at it, and their small body sometimes struggles to keep up. But each day Arlo practices, wanting to feel more than just the tiny one, but they are generally kind and great with emotions, being very supportive and just trying their hardest.

[imjusttpeachy]

bumpy roads & broken promises. (c.h.)

EDIT: Lmaoooo I did not expect this to actually get notes, thanks guys! I already made it onto someone’s fic recs-- I feel special. Actually might end up writing more if this gets more attention. :^)

I wrote this as a vent/comfort fic for myself but figured others might like it. Corpse has been my new safety youtuber ever since the old nosleep reader--deep voice/no face gamer went to shit so... yeah. 

Heavily inspired by @mmonamona ‘s fic “Petty Fights and Lonely Nights” just more angst. 

playlist

feng suave - sink into the floor

current joys - a different age

feng suave - venus flytrap

rei ami - do it right

summary: Corpse gets frustrated with work and snaps at the reader when she tries to ask what’s wrong, triggering a bad memory from a past relationship. 

word count: 2, 932

WARNINGS: she/her pronouns used, coarse language, shouting, panic attacks, reference to past relationship trauma (no retelling, nothing detailed)

(angst, hurt/comfort, crying! lots of it)

>>>

“God would you just fuck off already?!”

Frozen. Your body tensed up as the deep growl echoed through the cramped dark room.

You had been staying at your boyfriend’s apartment for about a week while you were on break from college. Flying out from the UK to California so you could spend as much time as you could with him before ultimately having to return to 5am facetimes while drowning in papers and essays.

Even before you’d booked the tickets, Corpse was already apologizing for everything under the sun. The size of his apartment and its cleanliness, the fact that he couldn’t do much more than order take out for you, his irregular sleeping patterns.. the list could go on and on. And while you assured him every time that you didn’t care, that you were coming to see him— not his apartment, not home cooked meals, and definitely not to scrutinize him for things he couldn’t control due to his mental health. But he wouldn’t buy it.

Not one bit.

He’d offer you a weary half-smile, pulling you into his chest or ruffling your hair before placing a soft kiss on your temple and changing the subject. You didn’t press any further knowing how often he was at war with his own mind and couldn’t help but think the worse of every situation.

As the days carried on, you’d spent most of your time tangled up in each other. Whether it be a movie, or playing some co-op games, or even just laying in his bed with him, you could barely stand to spend any time apart. But, of course, you were adults with responsibilities that would tear you from one another eventually. While you did miss his presence every second he wasn’t around, you couldn’t help but try to make his life even better for when he got back and for when you’d eventually have to leave him once again. Now, a week into your stay, his apartment was a good amount tidier than how it’d been when you arrived. The cupboards and fridge were stocked with groceries that would hopefully last for some time after you left, on top of the home made meals you’d make together or for him everyday. New picture frames were hung up on the wall of the two of you that you’d gifted to him when you arrived; it actually started to feel like home. Well, as much as it could without those familiar strong arms wrapped around you every second of the day.

Unfortunately, this evening was one of those times. Corpse had already been locked up in his office for a few hours now, the sounds of button mashing and frustrated exclamations making its way through the thin walls every so often bringing an amused smile to your face. He’d woken up a bit anxious already knowing he’d have to both leave you alone and put up a brave front for the stream that was planned that evening. You didn’t push him or try to talk about it, knowing that it would just make it worse; so you two had spent the day as it normally would (though he always looked and felt on edge) until he was forced to retreat back into that dreaded workspace.

You occupied yourself on your phone and laptop for a while, checking up on friends, reviewing anything you’d need for the upcoming semester, just scrolling through your socials— y’know, the works. But by the time you’d gotten bored with your scrolling, you’d notice it was a perfect time to start dinner that you’d hopefully be able to eat together with Corpse. You’d gotten to work right away, doing your best to be as quiet as you could to not disturb his work as the different aromas began to spread through the small kitchen in his apartment. Finishing up the dishes after the meal was all cooked, you dished up two servings and set them on the coffee table in front of the couch before you went to retrieve your other half.

Turning the knob of his office door slowly, you peered into the dark room; only the silhouette of the floppy mop of hair you adored so much was able to be seen in the dim light of his computer monitors. Taking a hard look at his right-most monitor you notice an editing software pulled up instead of the usual live chat he had on while streaming, so without any worry of interrupting you opened the door and stepped into the room. It was a cozy room for sure, and it always seemed to smell just like him— which of course is a given but with how much time he spent in this room, it was even more so present. Walking up slowly to his right side so you wouldn’t startle him with just your voice you watched his gaze flick to your form before steadying itself back in the monitor. Furrowing your brows at his strange behaviour but not letting it get to you, you opened your mouth to speak.

“I made dinner!” You smiled down at him, taking a few steps back toward the door so he would be able to get out of his gaming chair without you in his space. However, the hunched form of your focused boyfriend didn’t move an inch. Your heart sunk a little at his attitude but decided to just try again.

“Corpse, baby, dinners ready.”

“I’m not hungry.” The short statement left his mouth in a low grumble, if you hadn’t spent all this time with him studying his voice and begging him to speak more to you, you probably wouldn’t have been able make it out at all. You huffed out a sigh, this was new for him, you really hadn’t seen him as anything other than the cuddly baby you’d grown to know and love. But, you thought to yourself, love would come with days like this and it was bound to happen eventually. Trying your best to not get frustrated or angry with his snappy attitude, you kept your voice light and cheery as you tried again to coax him out to eat.

“Corpse you’ve barely eaten today I-“

“I said I’m not hungry.” Startling at the angry tone you’d never heard from him before, you could feel yourself start to get choked up. Pulling your hands up to hug your arms, trying to sooth yourself, you could feel yourself starting to slowly freeze up. Goosebumps ran over your skin, a chill snaking  it’s way up your spine as you gulped, trying your best to muster up the bravery to speak again. You didn’t know what had gotten into him, he knew how the tone affected you— he was usually even the one to comfort you after an episode triggering something like this. As your mouth began to run dry, you took a deep breath deciding that he would definitely come to his senses in the next moments, you opened your mouth to speak again.

“Is everything alri-“

“I’m FINE! I’m not a FUCKING CHILD I don’t need you constantly checking up on me! God would you just fuck off already!”

You didn’t even notice the tears dripping off your cheeks until they splashed against the bare skin of your hand. Slipping into the defense mode you knew so well, your body switched onto autopilot as you began to backpedal out of the room, almost tripping a few times as you sputtered out a choked “okay, I’m sorry,” before closing his door once again and stumbling messily down the hallway to his room. Your mind was moving a thousand miles a minute yet was completely blank at the same time, and before you knew it you were tucked away inside the dark closet in his room.

This was the routine, this is where you’d be safe.

Trying to slow your erratic breathing you hugged your knees even closer to your chest, praying that in some way it would ease your shaking body. But inevitably, you felt the sobs that you’d kept trapped in your throat since you’d left break through. Your chest heaved with the breaths you took to keep your sobs as silent as possible. You thought you had trained yourself well enough for this, you’d done this a million times before— but in the back of your mind you knew that this time it was different. Shrinking into the corner of the closet, the only thing on your mind was all the broken promises he’d sworn to keep.

>>>

Corpse sighed, his body weighing him down in his chair heavily, head aching with all the work he’d been doing that evening. Pulling his attention back, he stretched his arms as his sore eyes glanced over at the clock in the corner of his screen. 11:34pm. Fuck. That much time had passed already? Raking a hand through his hair he yawned sleepily, he knew he should probably spend more time working before calling it a night but all he wanted to do was curl up in bed with you-

Shit.

Finally snapping out of the heavy trance he’d set himself in every time he sat down to edit, he thought back to the last time he had seen you— calling him for dinner where he snapped at you to leave him alone… almost 3 hours ago. The memories of the past moment flooded into his head and seconds later he was scrambling out of his chair and out into the hallway. It was dead silent, Corpse felt like his heart was practically breaking his ribs with how hard it was pounding in his chest. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Gripping at the right side of his shirt he rushed into the living room, rubbing frantically at his eyes as they darted around the room quickly looking for any sign of you.

“(Y/N), baby?” He rasped out, voice caught in his throat, walking through the living room and spotting the now cold meals she’d prepared waiting uneaten on the coffee table. His heart sunk as he hurried to the kitchen only to see the rest of the meal out on the counter, not doing anything to ease his mind. He called your name again and again; rushing back into the living room his eyes darted to the front door, a tiny bit of relief pricking his system as he saw the door was still locked and latched, as well as seeing your shoes and jacket by the door. Rushing back into the hallway he peeked into the bathroom, flicking on the light switch and with no sign of you, continued down the hallway to his room.

“(Y/N), please baby.” Flicking on the light his eyes scanned the room not catching a single sight of you-- when he heard it. Slowing his breathing down as much as he could in his panicked state he focused in his hearing on the small heaves of air coming from the closet. Stomach dropping, Corpse collapsed onto his knees, legs giving way from underneath him when he realized where you were and what was happening. Crawling his way toward the closet door he stopped right outside of it, he heard your breath hitch and knew you were holding it out of practiced instinct which made him want to vomit. But it wasn’t about him right now, so with a deep breath he finally managed to whisper out.

>>>

“Princess, I’m gonna open the door okay?”

Finally releasing the breath you had been holding, your lungs heaved for air as light flooded into the dark closet. Peeking an eye out from where it was buried in your knees, you blearily made out your boyfriend’s blurry figure kneeling outside the closet. With your body feeling like it was completely out of your control, sobs once again began to rack your huddled form as you shrunk away from him as far as you could into the corner of the closet.

“I’m gonna come in and sit with you okay, I won’t touch you unless you say I can alright?” You could hear some shuffling before hearing the door creak shut again engulfing the both of you in almost complete darkness, save for the few streams of yellow light coming from the cracks of the door. Corpse stared forward in complete silence, long legs bent uncomfortably and body hunched over in the cramped space of the closet trying to give you as much space as possible but knowing that the first step was sitting with you. The man beside you sighed softly, feeling his heart splinter with every heaving sob that raked over you; he could feel his own tears prick at his eyes and a sob starting to well up in his throat but he held them back. Mustering up the courage and will he finally opened his mouth to speak.

“(Y/N) I am so, so fucking sorry,” his voice pitched just above a whisper because he knew if his voice got any deeper that it would startle you and scare you even more than how you were already feeling right now. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking. It never should’ve hap-“

“Y- You br- broke your promise.” Your reply came in watery, stuttered breaths; the knot in Corpse’s throat came right back up, tears filling his waterline as much as he tried to keep his composure for your sake.

“I know. I know I did.” The man beside you managed to choke out thinking back to the day where he first lost his temper around you. You’d told him everything about your experience with your past relationships and how you were treated, what you used to cope and what he could do to avoid that in any way possible. He promised that day that he would never again raise his voice, or move too fast even when he was angry or frustrated, and made sure to note down anything that would possibly trigger you to completely avoid altogether. And he kept those promises… until today. Tilting his head to glance over at you, his eyes adjusting to the darkness of the closet to see you staring straight ahead, tears pouring endlessly down your damp face as your body still shook with soft cries.

“I can’t lose you (Y/N)” Corpse’s voice shook as he tried to figure out the right things to say that would keep you from walking right out that door.

“I’ll do anything. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I don’t know what I’d do without you. I’ll be better, I swear on my life I’ll be better. Anything you need— it’s yours. I just.. I can’t lose you. Not like this.” He hated how much he sounded like he was pleading when he’s the one who fucked up. The last thing he wanted to do was manipulate you into staying with him which was exactly what your ex did when they made the same mistake time and time again; something he swore he’d never even think of doing. But here he was, and here you were glancing up at him with bloodshot eyes, hair sticking to your tear slicked face and body shaking so much you’d think it was below freezing in there.

Tearing your gaze away from his, you heaved a watery, shaky sigh trying your best to get your thoughts in order. While you had your issues, you knew he had his as well; and with as much patience and understanding he gives you with your snappy, frustrated, sad days, you needed to give back that same patience and understanding with his own. You needed to be brave here.

“Baby-“

“C-Can you just hold me? Please?” You sputtered out just above a whisper, and before you could even unwrap your arms from around yourself Corpse was pulling you into his lap; strong arms encasing you as he pushed his face into your hair. That’s when you found out he was shaking just as much as you were, chest rising and falling erratically with contained sobs as he tried to keep his brave demeanour up for you. Tucking your head under his chin he leaned back against the wall as he crushed you to his chest, the droplets hitting the top of your head giving way to the fact that he was crying too. Pulling your arms up from your side, you slowly wrapped them around his shoulder as he pushed his face against the crook of your neck, sobs finally giving way as he cried helplessly into your shoulder; further dampening the already tear-soaked cloth of the hoodie you were wearing.

“I’m sorry,” Corpse sputtered, hooking his chin over your shoulder so he could keep up with the heaving of his chest, pulling an arm up from around your waist to rest on the back of your head. As much as he wanted to run his hands all over your body and bury his fingers in your hair to feel and memorize every inch of you, he kept them still not wanting to overwhelm you more than this kind of touch already did.

“I love you, I love you so much, I love you..“ he whispered over and over into the darkness of the closet as you both began to breath slower as one. Shushing him softly, you repeated the soft words back to him before wrapping your arms tighter around his shoulders, ensuring him that you were going to be alright.

There would be bumps in the road but Corpse was worth it.

__________________________________

[espressokiri]

hello !! how about kuroo (you can add more if you want) being in a long distance relationship, like both live in japan but they're really far away ? how would he deal with being away and not seeing each other a lot 'cause of work and everything ... feel free to ignore ! have a great day/night :]

Kuroo Tetsurou x GN!reader

In which reader is in a long distant relationship with Kuroo.

Warnings: None

Genre: Fluff

Note: Hello anon! Please don't be afraid to send asks, I'll gladly work on them <3 Have a good one!

It wasn't unusual to be in long distance relationships, especially in this day and age where the internet holds the power to connect people from afar. For Kuroo, it was the hardest thing to endure being away from the person he had grown fond of romantically.

He had willingly joined Kenma in a local convention that took place in Tokyo, browsing through the selection of demos they had on display for the upcoming releases of anticipated games while Kenma had stood in line to try out the new horror game he was waiting on. A hand reached out and grabbed the princess Peach retro Nintendo 3DS game that was beside the male, he glanced at the extended arm and set his eyes on the person next to him, freezing as he came across someone who seemed to make his heart race from first glance.

Y/n had been looking everywhere for the princess Peach game as they remembered playing it when they were younger at a friend's house but could not get their hands on it when they searched afterwards. An excited grin splayed on their lips as they held the game firmly between their hands. They glanced at the tall male beside them, only to find him staring back with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Sorry! I've been looking for this for a while now. I probably look weird getting all excited like that." Y/n bashfully placed a hand behind their neck.

Hearing their voice made Kuroo flustered and a blush arose on his face as he realized he was caught gawking at the stranger, "n-not at all! It was kinda cute. I-I mean! Oh God, I probably sound like such a doofus right now." He muttered the last words to himself as he looked away in embarrassment.

A stifled laugh cut the tension Kuroo was feeling, "I'm L/n Y/n, what's yours stranger?"

"Kuroo Tetsurou."

"So tell me, what brings you here?"

That was the beginning of the friendship turned relationship between the two, despite the long distance from Osaka, where Y/n resides, and Tokyo.

Y/n didn't mind the distance, but they did often crave the feeling of physical intimacy such as cuddling or small romantic gestures that would make anyones heart flutter. The closest thing that had made them feel that way was when Kuroo had surprised them by mailing a physical letter along with a delivery man sending off some flowers and chocolate during Valentines day.

Being high-school students who weren't allowed to work part-time jobs because of school regulations was upsetting, otherwise they would have saved money for train tickets to visit, but they still hope one or the other would end up visiting if their family made plans.

"Did you see that, Y/n?!" Kuroo grinned as he turned himself towards the phone that was perked up on the bench by his water bottle. Kuroo had them 'attend' his volleyball practices with the team, feeling more motivated whenever they would watch the team practice. "That was very cool block reading, Tetsu!" Their voice echoed from the phone speaker, their video showcasing them laying in bed on their stomach with their homework splayed around them.

"Stupid captain shoving his love life in our faces!" Yamamoto cried, running away before Kuroo appointed him extra laps.

"L/n-san! Do you think I'm ready to be ace yet?!" Lev pushes his way toward the phone, Y/n being acquainted with the team members now due to the constant video calls during practice, "just a little more practice but you're doing good, Lev!"

"Oi! Don't praise him for a bad job, L/n!" Yaku yells from the background.

Kuroo picks up his phone, the back warm from the constant usage, "we'll finish up here and I'll call once I'm back home?"

Y/n nods and gives a thumbs up as they stare at the oddly endearing features of Kuroo in captain mode, "I'll see you then!"

It also noteworthy that Kuroo can get insecure when he's not kept busy between school and practice, the sense of dread builds up day by day until he calls them in the middle of the night to clear his thoughts. He feels as if he isn't giving them enough because of the distance between the both, feeling as if they would be better off with someone they can physically see on the daily. It especially hits him hard on days when Y/n is in off moods or too tired to pick up the phone or bother with messaging.

Kuroo doesn't even realize the tears that begin to slip, lips wobbly as he stares up at the ceiling. His heart felt heavy and he didn't know how to explain the sinking feeling in his stomach.

Kuroo sits up on his bed and grabs his phone to call Y/n.

It took a couple of rings before a groggy voice from the other line answers, "what's up, Tetsu?" Voice heavy with sleep as the video shows Y/n shifting to turn on their lamp on their nightstand.

It was only when the male sniffled that Y/n looked at him clearly, eyebrows scrunching together with worry as they tried soothing him with words, "what happened, baby?"

"Do you regret this?"

They frowned at his words, "of course not, Tetsurou. What has you thinking that?"

Kuroo then poured his heart out at three in the morning to the person he finds solace in, it hurt Y/n's heart seeing him wipe his tears with the back of his hand and they wanted nothing more to be next to him and pull him into a bone-crushing hug.

"I'm perfectly happy with the way things are with you, Tetsu. It only makes it all the more exciting and precious when we do get to meet! Like they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder." Y/n grinned as the male slowly nodded, sniffling coming to an end as he wiped the remainder of his tears. Oh how Y/n wanted to hold his face between their hands.

"I also got the ticket for the next Tokyo convention, with extended stay! We'll make the best of it, okay?"

Kuroo nodded, his frown melting into a small smile as he started mentally planning how they could spend the couple of days they would have together.

"Also, please don't doubt us. We're almost done with high-school! Maybe we'll be closer together in college." Y/n winked as they blew him a kiss through the screen.

"I love you." Kuroo uttered the three words he had been holding back on, freezing as he realized what he had said. Y/n was too tired to process anything quickly, that beat of silence causing a bundle of anxiety to form in Kuroo's stomach, only relieving the tension when Y/n had said it back when they did understand what the male had said.

"I love you, so so much, Kuroo."

His heart swelled.

"Is it okay if we fall asleep on the phone?" He asks shyly, slinking down into the covers and getting himself comfortable. "It'd be more than okay."

Y/n had almost immediately passed out, their phone held upright on their nightstand with the lamp still on. They were asleep on their stomach, with hands tucked under their head, facing the camera. Kuroo had taken a screenshot before he placed his phone down, propping it on his own nightstand, and laying on his side as he glanced at Y/n another time before he let their breathing lull him to sleep.

It was in the morning when Kuroo's mother had come in to wake her son that she saw him peacefully asleep with Y/n on the phone sleeping as well. A soft smile grazed her lips as she was proud of the way her son had grown up to be, happy he had found someone to be vulnerable around.

[capricores]

FOURTH HOUSE: childhood observations (by mode)

* i focused more on the rougher manifestations of these placements in this post! i will make a positive manifestations version of these placements soon. also note your whole chart will influence this, and especially the individual sign of your fourth house (and planets located in the fourth), i am just grouping by mode for ease. also this is entirely based off my own research, interpretations, experiences, etc.

✨ mutable (pisces, gemini, sagittarius, virgo) fourth houses often experience childhoods in which one or both parents (or guardians) were absent. it may not be physically, it’s also often having emotionally detached and/or distant parents/guardians. mutable fourth houses usually had childhoods in which they had to learn to care for themselves and be independent at young ages; which is why as adults they generally have no problem living on their own, caring for themselves, making their own home & adjusting to change wherever they go (especially true if they also have a mutable moon and/or venus). unfortunately they also often struggle with emotional processing and expression in adulthood due to the emotional or physical unavailability of their family. it often even manifests as an attraction to toxic partners/friends who provide nothing emotionally/only drain them.

they are also likely to experience childhoods that involved a lot of moving around (cities or countries, schools, etc), which is why many mutable fourth house individuals feel as if they don’t truly have a “home”, and feel comfortable moving around freely in adulthood, and don’t have an immense need to stay stagnant in one physical place for too long (this will apply more to sagittarius and pisces). however this can also manifest in a more stressful way, feeling as if they “lost’ their childhood, or have no home nor stable place to go to when they are overwhelmed and in need of comfort. they must spend a lot of time and effort learning where they can find comfort, and how to build their own safe spaces.

the child’s intelligence was likely placed on the forefront during childhood, especially if the individual has gemini/virgo in the fourth. college/university may have been especially pressured for sagittarius fourth house individuals. you may have had a childhood in which you were encouraged to share your thoughts, ideas, opinions, etc freely and were praised for such. but on the other hand, you may have been forced down a certain path (school-wise), and had far too much stress put on you throughout childhood regarding your grades and perceived intelligence.

mutable fourth houses tend to come from “odd” situations; and usually quite unstable home environments. i’ve personally noticed mutable fourth houses are the least likely to want to talk about their past, family, childhood; because they’re sometimes ashamed of the “strangeness” of their past and the uncontrollable things that occurred in their childhood, because of their parents/family/etc.

✨ cardinal (libra, cancer, capricorn, aries) fourth houses tend to have parents/families that were over-involved in their lives; often controlling. i find that they likely had parents that put ridiculous amounts of pressure and responsibility on them from a young age. these placements didn’t get much time to be an actual child, as it’s likely they weren’t shielded from the harshness and rough realities of the world/others like they should have been. due to this, cardinal fourth house individuals tend to know exactly what they want for themselves in the future; specifically in terms of their home life, and future relationships; they usually end up developing unmatchable work ethic and boundaries as adults. however, they have to learn to embrace, accept and express their inner child; otherwise they will drown themselves in stress.

capricorn and aries fourth houses specifically were likely to experience a lot of strictness/control, and an authoritarian, sometimes aggressive, nature in their homes. they may have felt a lot of tension in their home growing up, and as if their parents/guardians were pushing them too hard in everything they did; trying to piece together their lives for them and leaving them with no say. their may have even been a lot of fighting between family members in their homes, or passive aggression, if this placement manifests harshly. this is why they tend to grow up fiercely individual and with a refusal to let anyone ever tell them what to do. they can easily hold their own regardless of the situations they’re placed in as adults.

cancer and libra fourth houses i’ve noticed had perfectionism and high standards placed extremely hard on them from a young age, especially from mother figures. although i find them the most likely of all the fourth house signs to be “babied” throughout childhood, i’ve also noticed this babying being turned into too much focus on this child. to the point where the child has so many expectations, high standards, etc., to meet due to the unrealistic projections and pressures from their parents. cancer and libra fourth houses often experience their parents trying to force certain futures onto them, that they themselves weren’t able to achieve/fulfill. in certain manifestations, this fourth house placement actually makes it so the cancer/libra fourth house individual has to be the parent to their own parents/siblings/etc. they may be overly forgiving, nurturing, and giving to their family (this will be heightened if venus or neptune are in the fourth as well).

cardinal fourth houses likely had a very perfectionist home environment and childhood, as i mentioned, and may have even been heavily pressured about their appearance, and how they come off to the public and represent their family. “image” was of huge importance throughout their past, and may have led to them being insecure adults or adults who are far too hard on themselves. it’s possible their parents had a picture perfect home/seemingly very peaceful home to the public/outsiders, that was actually a disaster/toxic environment behind the scenes. negative cardinal home environments can also leave individuals scared to initiate things and act on their own/without a push, despite this initiation being in their nature; since they were so used to being pushed by family members in various directions.

✨ fixed (leo, scorpio, taurus, aquarius) fourth houses can have their childhoods/pasts summed up in one word: intense. in true fixed fashion, their home environments were likely very strong: whether that strong is a good or bad word, depends on the manifestation of the placement. fixed signs, much like cardinals, likely experienced very controlling and sometimes aggressive (more likely for scorpio/leo) environments in the home. regardless of the sign, the parents/guardians were likely very stubborn, pushy and may have not allowed the child to have their own independent thoughts, goals, desires, ideas, etc. due to this, fourth house in a fixed sign individuals usually grow up to have very unshakable goals and opinions, and are able to hold their own in very serious and tough situations (such as loss, heartbreak, confrontation, etc). these individuals also sometimes must provide financially for themselves (and even their family) at a young age, because their family is unable to do so for them. it’s common for these fourth houses to get jobs at younger ages than most people around them generally would. i’ve also found those with fixed fourth houses (esp taurus/scorpio) had family members who tried to control and manipulate them via money/material items/finances; OR who tried to manipulate money out of them.

scorpio and aquarius fourth house placements specifically go through a lot of change and transformation during their childhood. they tend to experience immensely unstable home environments; due to the influence of uranus and pluto. it’s likely something major and traumatic may have even happened during childhood, that essentially changed their life forever (of course depending on other placements and just, life in general). they may have been the types to move around a lot during childhood, or have a lot of sudden swings in their life. the swings may have been smaller things, such as their parents/guardians being very moody, changing jobs a lot, etc; or larger things, such as famliy members losing jobs/income, sudden death, divorce of parents, etc. scorpio and aquarius fourth house individuals tend to, like mutable placements, end up “raising themselves” and/or feeling very alone and detached as a child; and as an adult (they really have to work on “building their own family” via friendships/etc).

similar to libra and cancer mentioned above, leo and taurus fourth house placements are likely raised with intense ideals and expectations from their parents; and are driven to a constant state of achieving unattainable perfection. this can result in becoming adults with huge insecurities that are far too hard on themselves. their home life throughout childhood is usually quite abundant (this abundance isn’t always good, however), or they have parents/family members with very material/money-focused mindsets. they may have frequently experienced their parents putting their careers, image, belongings, etc., before their own child(ren), leaving them feeling quite abandoned or unloved. this is why these individuals often go on to seek validation/love from others in the future for their self-esteem, especially if they have strong leo personal placements. leo and taurus fourth houses likely had huge pressure from their family to make something significant out of themselves. not necessarily a pressure to just do well in school, but to do something huge; such as become famous/widely-known, obtain scholarships/the highest grades, get a super “distinguished” or high-paying job, etc. 

[faydingrain]

Redacted - Listener OCs

I’ve been debating on posting all my Listeners or not, since some I don’t headcanon with nearly as much as others, but I finally decided: heck, why not?

Since I don’t have decent sketches of all of them, I’m going to post the picrews that I made that I used as inspiration for their designs from. I didn’t make these with any idea in mind, just bumbled around picrew, found one that looked neat or followed a link someone sent me, and halfway through making a character I went “huh that gives me [insert listener here] vibes”. Don’t ask me who, why, where, or how I made any sort of connections to the characters with these designs. Just know that it happened.

Angel - Angie Corina

- I don’t like how mean David is, so I've skipped most of his videos. As a result, I don’t have much on my version of Angel. “Angie” came up out of necessity for my Inversion fic, and it’s just kind of stuck. However, from the little I have heard of him, whether in his own series or in others, I had a very vivid image of what Angel looked like in my head for some reason. I actually made her picrew recently just for the sake of this post, lol.

I have a small headcanon that she maybe started learning a little bit of Spanish and Hindi after meeting Baaabe and Sweetheart.

Baaabe - Emmanuel, “Em” by some, “Emmy” by his sister

- He’s having a lot of problems with his family (namely his step-father), and has to babysit his step-sister Lilia a lot. However, Lilia likes to spend time with him and Asher, and Asher absolutely adores her. He’s Hispanic and bilingual (English+Spanish), and sometimes I imagine him working as a mechanic. Also, he can do some sick tricks with a yo-yo. I don’t headcanon any major stuff with this trio, mostly just small slice-of-life things. Asher and Em being dorks, them taking Lilia to a pride parade, etc.

Sweetheart - Chrysalis “Chrys” Prasad

- A goth/punk at heart, Chrys has a set of rings they never leave without. They’re probably at least bilingual as well (English+Hindi). They’re currently trying to figure out their gender identity, and is unsure if they should fully transition or not. For the time being, they wear a binder and braid up their hair when they go out or have visitors, or when the dysphoria hits.

Chrys is pretty timid and shy when around anyone that’s not Milo, but when they put their work coat on, they go into Work Mode and can muster the courage to even stand up to high-ranking officers from the Department. They become a completely different person on-duty, and take their job very seriously. They'll also pin up their bangs before going into work.

Sometimes I imagine that Chrys keeps a pair of brass knuckles on them, and will practice boxing alongside Milo as a stress/anger-reliever.

Lovely - Gracie, “Grace” by some

- Gracie is that student that always looks stylish and is always on time. She’s a hard worker and low-key perfectionist (maybe that’s why vampires are so appealing to her?). I imagine her as a bookworm, and maybe really into the Dark Academia aesthetic. As of the events of Inversion - Another Story, she cut off the burnt ends of her hair and is trying to grow it back out. (I remade her picrew just for fun to show that, lol.)

Contrary to canon, Gracie doesn’t like the idea of becoming a vampire and living for an eternity, and wants to stay human. The topic of turning makes her uncomfortable because she doesn’t want to disappoint Vincent with the truth. While I don’t know if I would really write it out, I plan to have it to where Vincent would eventually stop asking about turning her, and simply stay by her side until she passes away from old age.

Darlin’ - Willow

- She’s known for her cute face and rough attitude. When out and about, she sports leather jackets and rides a polished motorcycle, causing trouble and picking fights to find Quinn. When not causing trouble, she drives an old pickup truck. Contrary to canon, she and Sam aren’t together, and in fact she’s still hung up on her past relationship with her now-enemy. She’s not entirely oblivious to Sam’s feelings for her, but she definitely tries to pretend they don’t exist, since she subconsciously doesn’t want to let go of her old love. (Tbh I see these two remaining as just close friends even after Quinn is taken care of, maybe hooking up for only a short period of time.)

She used to do ballet when she was little, and began practicing dance again after she met Quinn. She doesn’t like to show this side of her though, only having the idea reinforced that it’s “girly” and makes her look “weak”, which would tarnish her gruff reputation. However, after the events of Vice Versa, she’s become more comfortable with enjoying her hobby. She secretly wishes she could dance with Sam one day.

I do imagine that she has scars, but I haven’t really decided where they should be yet.

Bright Eyes - Briar “Bri”

- The almighty pouty princess, she was formerly the daughter of a wealthy family who got everything she wanted except their genuine love. Wrapped up in an unhealthy friendship with her crush Frederick, this only came collapsing down on them after their turning. She was also immensely jealous of Ryder, Fred’s boyfriend that, much to her chagrin, returned to Fred’s side after they became vampires.

However, the three have since made amends and are a close trio again, with Bri being more supportive of her two boys’ relationship and all of them being able to hang out without any tension between them. (Since their story doesn’t exist on the channel anymore, I figured I’d just skip the drama so they could partake in other fics if I need/want them to.) She also sees Sam as much of a father figure as Fred does now.

Unbeknownst to most, she’s been forming something of a friendship with Alexis.

(I don’t know how I make sense of her hair from this when I draw her but I do somehow.)

Freelancer - Cora

- The self-acclaimed gambling master, she is a kooky mess that loves to let loose and relax, despite how often she does not do that thing. She’s terrible at forming bonds since she has a bad habit of clinging to people who are even a little nice to her, even if they hurt her. However, Gavin and her new friends are there to keep the bad people away, of course. Damien gets onto her a lot for staying up all night and neglecting her health. She’s a very “no thoughts, head empty” type of person, and moves to her own beat.

Though I love Cora to death in my fanon, as of Inversion - Another Story, her fate is unknown. I’ve barely even continued personal headcanons about the choice between saving her life or Huxley’s instead (nor have I thought about what would happen to Angie). I don’t know if I could truly make that decision, hence why Vincent’s progeny remains “Vincent’s progeny” in the William letters series.

Starlight - Stella

- Curious to a fault, Stella was...actually I don’t headcanon her that much now that I think about it, since she’s just been stuck in one place the whole time I guess. It’s been a while since I listened to Starlight’s early videos, I don’t remember what canon info we have of them actually. Most of my headcanons are about various happenings regarding the Meridian, which are usually angsty, lol.

Sunshine - Sunny

- Albino because I’m cruel like that, Sunny is a sweet and quiet, albeit reckless, ray of Sunshine. She strikes me as the type of person to carry a dream journal, and generally likes journaling/writing. I actually have little on her too, since she and Elliot have been stuck in Blake’s mind prison for a while, lol. I’ve also just been focusing on the vamps far too much.

Love - Eden

- Not much for Eden outside of what’s canon. I’m not sure what direction the storyline is about to go, but I headcanon that Eden still has a fondness for Marcus. Addicted to the feelings she had before, and the affection Marcus gave her, she basically overwrites her own programming and re-codes the Obsession so she can have those feelings back.

I also have a little headcanon that “Eden” might be the name Marcus pitched for her, when they were maybe deciding on giving the Asset a proper name.

Warden - Hydra

- I don’t have too much on my Warden anymore since I changed her fairly recently. I had made this demon character before and thought passively, “She’s cute, what if she was a friend of Caelum’s?” Eventually, I began to ponder their friendship and the deliciously angsty possibility that this same demon was Vega’s Warden, and the conflict she would be in over working with the same man that hurt her friend. And thus, my old idea of Warden became Hydra instead.

And that’s it for now! There’s a couple more listeners I want to make “OCs” for but just haven’t gotten around to it, but there’s also a few I don’t intend on making since I’m not super into their storylines. I’ve been thinking about drawing them all together somehow, but I’m not sure how yet.

-Edit-

Dreamer/Blake’s Listener - Jessamine “Jessi”

- Not much on her quite yet since I’m kinda waiting for more info on his listener...but this picrew is kinda vibing with me for now.

Just kidding! Guess I’ll shove personality into her myself then!

My version of Dreamer is goofy and soft-spoken. She loves modding clothes, whether for everyday wear or cosplays, and her talent is making music. Though she uses different software for her music-making, she’s technically a drummer.

She has a younger sister, but I don’t have the details of her home/family life yet.

Honey - Amy

- A sassy and sarcastic girl that’s probably a tsundere tbh. While her boyfriend works at a pizza place, she earns her paycheck as a streamer. (Guy takes part as one of her mods sometimes.) Don’t have too much more on her since I very recently made her a thing.