#i should see if i can switch primaries

[gamblersdoll]

so since sukuna goes for a woman who can hold her own, what would happen if she always won?

well let me tell you.

talks of sex, maybe praise???

he has always been on your side. a bitch tryna argue? “whoop her ass!”

a man tryna holler at you? “either you do it or imma do it. it looks hot when you do it.” (he has seen your short frame bring a six foot plus man to his knees and cry, and he got a raging hard on.)

and when you both bickering hes always baffled by your snarky ass remarks.

“ha, women. am i right?”

“yo thousand year old ass smells like earwax and piss, play wit cho mama.” and hes like …? and when he takes a whiff of himself after hes the primary host hes lowkey livid cause how dare you put him on the spot??

each fight youve won, hes lustful. hes not begging (he is) he’s demanding to switch with yuuji, he wants to hold you, kiss you, reward you for makin him proud. but its not like you do it for him, you just are on a different level than these lousy boys and girls.

or do you do it in the sentiment of pleased for yourself? sure you could get kicked out of jujutsu tech high school, but hey you got slurped up and dicked down? thats a plus?

so when you exercise a cursed spirit, a special grade all on your own, matter of fact, four of them, he’s practically drooling. (women in his age could not necessarily handle that, so seeing it turns him on severely.) and he wants to spread your folds and slurp your clit. he wants to so bad he can only try to remember the last time.

“how would you rate my fighting skill, ryo?” you would ask, meanwhile hes having you stand against a wall while he has his head between your thighs, noisily slurping and sucking, and having to tap this man to signal hes too fuckin loud.

“it makes me so excited to see it.. fuck woman, do you know what you do to me?” he growls, and somewhat a groan. he sticks his tongue out, shaking his head side to side and it makes your knees buckle, but hes your stability.

hes been looking forward to slam his cock into you after a fight, he had to know how it feels when your adrenaline is still up. or was it light work? did you have adrenaline at all? he was growing inpatient, and your name being called along with yuuji’s make him debate should he just kill the whole school so its you and him alone.

he doesnt because he… somewhat cares? sure, you arent able to eliminate sukuna. but you did give him a hard time, harder than mahoraga, the frustration of not being able to knock you down and if he did you still got back up, even pinning him (he was originally angry, but then it turned into a lust/love.) frustration of seeing you get back up, not giving in unless it was a legitimate mutual tie. not backing down just because hes the king of curses.

sukuna could admit he loved that about you.

even if he did knock you down once, (a two hour battle,) he did not want you to be discouraged, the LAST thing he wants.

“stand up and look at me, y/n. youre strong, my strong woman, a perfect concubine to be next to me on my throne.”

[heizours]

YOUR FIRST

summary. he overhears a conversation about who was your first favourite character in the game, and they grow jealous about it

tags. gn! reader, grammatical mistakes may occur

cw. none as far as i have check

feat. scaramouche, thoma, childe, xiao, dottore

< back to event m.list

INTRO.

"Who was my first favourite character during the early days I was playing it?" You repeated the same question that your friend was asking you.

"Precisely! C'mon, I'm sure there is someone who had really caught your attention the moment they entered a quest you were playing or something like that."

They responded back, as they waited eagerly yet patiently for you to tell them, while you were busy thinking and reflecting back on who it was.

Little do you know, that they are not only one who's itching to know your big revelation.

If the doors have eyes, then the walls or perhaps the screens have ears as well.

"Well, I'd say that the first character who caught my attention and became my favourite in a short span of time is-"

SCARAMOUCHE.

"-Childe! 

Scaramouche acts like he is not deeply affected by it and acts like it wasn't a big deal to him, but the expressions that were painted on his face betrayed the best of him.

Why are you smiling when Childe's the topic?

What did he do to make you joyous like this?

But... if he is the first character you like, is it now a liked?

There is this some sort of uneasy feeling that continues to brew and swirl inside of him the very moment your face had brighten up at the mention of the harbinger's name, and he has no idea how to stop it and why was he feeling it in the first place.

Is this another emotion that a heart can experience and learn, from time to time? What was it called again?

Ah yes, jealousy.

Scaramouche suddenly scoffs at the realization, finding it hard to believe that he would feel the bitterness of what enviousness is like sooner than he had anticipated, and the primary cause that triggered it was none other than that side character.

Childe? Cool and Captivating? Please, you haven't even seen how he could be a million times better than him.

"You mean to tell me that I'm simply getting worked up all for this? Why should I be bothered over it, when I could be a whole lot better than him? Heh"

THOMA.

-Itto! 

Thoma rarely taste the medicine of jealousy but seeing that look on your face when you rambled on about the oni, somehow snapped him into his senses. He felt the need to grab your attention from the screen to tell you that he is here too, and maybe - just maybe you could switch your favours around. 

I'm not jealous...being one is simply irrational

Maybe — I am a little bit jealous

Alright, I am jealous...

While he would be in denial at first with the jealousy he is dealing with, he would still come to the generalization that he is indeed jealous, and if he will have to cope up with it, he would put back on his smiley facade, only this time something about his smile is a little unpleasing, that even Itto himself will not dare to breathe around him.

But, instead of continuing to bottle up his jealousy and act petty like the others, he would understand why you favour the oni and would put that first before his feelings.

Don't be fooled though, compliment him too while you're at it!

“Oh...I didn’t know they like him. It sounds very surprising coming from them, but who am I to judge? Well then, has anyone seen Itto? I bet he will be delighted to hear the news!”

CHILDE.

“-Thoma! 

Childe laughs it off - Yes, it’s the laugh that you are thinking right now where he is this close from committing another arson. He is definitely not a second away from taking a trip to Inazuma and is on the go to plan a competition with the housekeeper, because he’s too cool to even to something like that.

I see, another challenger perhaps?

Hmph, what’s the point of challenging him if I know that I am the strongest?

Clear skies Ajax, clear skies

At this point, it is quite clear that he is turning into the embodiment of jealousy due to the amount of assurance that he is telling to himself, not because he is threatened by Thoma but because he is threatened that your favouritism about him will be the reason for his downfall.

He is threatened by the fact that you could easily evict him from your main team and replace him with someone else from another region who is just newly released and is almost a carbon copy as him, if not for the differences of their physical appearances.

It is indeed true that jealousy is a disease, that not even Ajax himself could flee from it.

“Thoma? I have heard of that name, but I also heard that I can excel ten times better at the things he could do. No- I’m not showing off, I am simply describing that I am a way better option than him, that’s it.”

XIAO.

“-Scaramouche! 

Xiao stays the same as he is, or -  that’s what he thinks. Truth to be told, he doesn’t even realize that he is jealous, but as they say - actions speaks louder than words, and the way he is acting right now shows how he is envied by this favouritism topic.

Did I expect too much?

I don’t like this feeling...

Is this what those mortals call as jealousy?

It takes a while for him to accept that he is jealous, but after that whole feeling finally sinks in, well let’s say he is displeased by this realization because by every second, that feeling continues to sink deeper and deeper as if it’s attempting to land in the deepest depth of the ocean. 

But, like Thoma, he is another who tries to get over with it and respects why you favour that character the most. Maybe it’s because you see them in a different light that others can’t, and he understands that.

Everyone has favourites, and he can’t blame you for that because even him has one which is you but he would rather not say it.

"Hm, while I do not fawn over him, I suppose I understand why you like him in the first place. Whatever makes you happy, is simply enough for me to know why."

DOTTORE.

- Alhaitam!

Dottore remains indifferent or so what he assures to himself, because if anyone where to see right through him, displeased is not even used enough to describe how disturb he is by that revelation.  

The Akademiya scribe is what they fawn over the most, hm?

How interesting....

Though, irritating would be the right word for it

His pride is wounded, and what makes it even more worse for him is he is a man of intelligence. So naturally, he is intimidated and threatened that the scribe who is also intelligent but not as him, could be the reason why he can’t turn the favour of you to him.

To get rid of the jealousy that he is feeling, he will dedicate most of his time (like he isn’t in the first place) inside his lab, doing things where only he knows what it is. He is one of the upper rank harbingers and dictated as the doctor for a reason, and the only way he could could get off the steam he is feeling, is to be busy.

While he is ordering around his clones and agents at the same time, any step or news that he gets from them and will be deemed as a failure, will have to face some serious issues from him, especially that Dottore is not in the mood to be in a dilly dally manner.

“Anything I need? Perhaps you can give me a little information about the scribe - take it or leave it. Either way, leaving it is not even an option in the first place.”

[lilykatelyn-blog]

𝓓𝓪𝔂 1 - 𝓵.𝓶𝓱 - LILY’S KINKTOBER

Demon!Lee Know x AngelFem!Reader

theme: choking

pt. 2

genre: smut, ig fluff at the end? Idek.

warnings: ewb2l (enemies with benefits to lovers) choking, collars, reader has sensitive wings that can retract, penetration, monster cock, making out, fingering, drunk guy (for one second), references of Satan and the devil so if you are uncomfortable with that I would recommend not reading it, also they have telepathy??, Dom!Min, Sub!Reader, they’re both kinda switch towards the end of the smut scene, unsafe sex.

wc: 1.4k

MINORS DNI

smut under the cut

It’s been a while since you’ve last been to hell, or seen him. Every now and then when you were on earth, your brain would play tricks on you, making you think you saw him. Your human friends finally managed to drag you out of your apartment and into a club, full of drunkards and people looking for a good time. You just needed a few drinks and to unwind. “I’ll take a gin and tonic, on the rocks.” You told the bartender, he complied, making your order at the back while you waited. When he got back with your order, you heard a familiar voice order a familiar drink. “I’ll take a Manhattan, on the rocks.” He ordered, you tried to not turn around and look at him, opting to walk away, but his voice stopped you. “Long time no see, Angel.” You could practically hear the smirk in his voice, it made you wet and want to hurl at the same time. “Long time no see, jackass.” You replied, walking back towards him. “So, what you been up to? I hope you haven’t been sleeping around with anyone but me.” He asked, the last part making you pissed. “We’re not dating Lee.” You replied curtly, he simply smirked again. God, you wanted to slap that attractive smirk off of his extremely attractive face. “Oh, but you know if the big boss knew of what you did with me, you’d be removed. An ordinary human.” You tsked at the very obvious statement. “No shit, Sherlock. It was one time.” “It was 7 times that, darling.” He whispered in your ear, making you shudder. “See you, princess.” He grabbed his Manhattan and went to dance, leaving you speechless.

“So.. who was that hottie that you were talking to at the bar, huh?” Your friend nudged you after you got back with your drink. “It was no one, an old friend.” You lied, not thinking she would ask about schooling years. “Ooh! Primary or Secondary School?” “Neither. An old job, I quit it and haven’t seen him or kept in touch since.” They all went back to their own conversation after you explained it, you could practically feel Minho’s eyes burning holes in the back of your head. Meet me outside, princess. I own an apartment 2 blocks away. His voice rung in your head, you just agreed, knowing how this goes and that you will be back to strangers in no less than 12 hours.

“finally, you listen.” His annoying voice spoke from behind you as you exited the club. “Finally, you stop calling me ‘princess’.” You mock, his smirk returning. “I’ll never stop that habit, Angel. You should visit me down in hell sometime soon.” He winked, leading you into a cab. The entire ride, his hand was on your thigh, going up, only to go back to your knee. He was obviously riling you up, so you decided that two can play at that game. You slowly creeped your hand up his toned torso , and then his chest, and then his throat, lightly circling it as his breath hitched, only to bring it down to your lap. You got out, him paying and leading you to his apartment. As soon as he unlocked it, you were pressed against the door, his tongue being shoved down your throat. You moaned as he went down your jaw and neck, making sure not to leave any marks so that you could both keep your wings. “Bedroom,” you breathed, tugging his hair, he lifted you up, leading you to his bed. He sat down, making you straddle him, going back to your make out session. He pulled away, you chased his lips while pouting. “Hm, anyone ever been as good as me? Maybe that drunk guy that you ran away with for a few minutes?” He whispered, going back to his assault on your neck. “No-no one. I-I escorted him back to his car- Minho!” You choked out, throwing your head back as he found your sweet spot, mouthing at it for a few more seconds. “I want this off.” He tugged at your tight white shirt. You complied, letting him take it off of you, suddenly remembering you wore your black matching bra and panties set. “Shit.” He murmured, his mouth going straight to your chest, kissing them over the fabric while his other hand went to your other boob. “May I?” He asked, despite being a devil, still a gentleman. You nodded, giving silent confirmation. As soon as it was off, he went to your nipple, sucking harshly. “Nngh- please,” you whined, he just chuckled, pinching the other one. He pulled away despite your pleas, he silently asked to remove your skirt. You hummed, lifting your hips up for him to remove the garment. He pulled both your underwear and skirt down in one movement, flipping you onto your back.

he got in between your legs and spread your lips. “Beautiful..” he trailed off, giving a singular lick and then coming up to make you taste yourself. He sat on his knees, removing his shirt and revealing his beautiful abs and scars. Getting back over you, he kissed you again. While his tongue explored your mouth, you traced his abs and scars, the one that you kept coming back to was the one on his midriff, a result of a nasty encounter with his father before he became a demon. Finally, he pulled away and tugged his sweats down, leaving him in his boxers. He didn’t bother removing his jewelry, and walked over to the dresser, you got on your elbows and looked in confusion. “What-“ “it’s a collar, Angel. Chill, I’m not gonna leave you high and dry after how hard you got me.” He signaled to his huge cock, bigger than any dildo you’ve ever seen or felt.

“Wonder how you still have those beautiful white pearly wings after all we’ve done together, considering the wings are a sign of purity. I’d say your anything but after all we’ve done.” He went on as he fastened the collar around your neck. “Beautiful.. and it’s all mine.” He traced the collar around your neck, pushing you down. “Open your wings, gonna use them for your first orgasm.” He commanded, and obviously, you complied. Your wings were out and super sensitive as well, he slowly traced them with the tips of his fingers, resulting in a series of whimpers from you. His fingers circled your hole to prep you, only teasing, not going in. He had you distracted with your wings, taking you by surprise when his fingers pushed in and out at a brutal pace “Ah! Min-Minho!” You moaned, losing your ability to use your brain, the only coherent thing coming out of your mouth was pleas for him to keep going. Not long after your high, he took his fingers out and replaced them with his huge dick, only making your cries of his name speed up. He went at an ungodly pace, god, you were so close already that it was kinda embarrassing how quick he got you there. “Oh god, oh god, oh god- hnngh” your moans were soeeding up, as was your breath, your words got cut off by his tip hitting just the right spot. “Not god, baby. Lee Minho.” He whispered, getting you an intense amount closer to the edge. “I’m-“ “let it out for me, Angel.” That brought you over the edge, your orgasm hitting you like a boulder. “Shit, I’m close, getting close- mmph.” He started whining, his words interrupted by your hand shaking up his chest, squeezing his throat just hard enough to tip him over. “That’s it, Min. Let go..” you trailed off, feeling him spill into you. After he cleaned up and lay beside you, you both fell asleep in each others embrace.

The following morning, you woke up alone, to a note. Angel, I know you’re probably confused since I never leave, but I had to go to work for my ‘Human’ job. Do me a favor and stay, yeah? I’ll be back in a few hours, considering how late you wake up. I don’t have roommates and I still have a pair of your clothes from last time, either that or you can wear my button up and your panties, ya know, a little treat for when I get home? Anyways, stay there and here’s my cell: ***-***-****

P.S. I refrigerated breakfast, your favourite. Text me if you need anything, your dog was well fed before I left, so don’t worry. We’ll talk later, but you should consider moving in with me, at least until we have to go back. I love you! &lt;3

This is gonna be fun.

note: send an ask if you want a part 2 because I, myself, wanted to write a part 2 that isn’t part of kinktober. Also I’m sorry that this is kinda half assed Love you guys! <333

TAGLIST:

@aaasia111, @hgema, @obeythemasters, @imwithurmother, @unlikelysublimekryptonite, @virluna148, @sanzusfavgf, @ivyisnotokay, @stanskzsstuff, @luvkpopp

[lawva-girl]

Historically.. We don't mix.

Law x fem!Reader, College AU

Notes: the things that don't mix are history and stem majors!!! this came to me in a dream forever ago and ive been sitting on it since. This is only part one to... idk how many but yes! I have a loose outline, we can bet on 5 parts but thats a scary bet to make methinks. Enjoy :) also i apologize if the pov switching in the first bit is weird, i thought i was cooking and i kinda think its cute now so it is.

WC: 1976

The classroom was quiet, you were the only one there. Class officially started in 4 minutes. Right as you pulled out your phone to double check the room another person walked in. You assumed she was a student since she was about your age, at least she looked it. When the woman instead walked to the front of the class you realized she was the professor. Shoulder length black hair, with bangs trimmed right to her eyebrows. Wearing a white cowboy hat, which you thought was peculiar. 

She removed the hat and set it on the desk, resting her bag in the seat. 

She wrote on the board “Robin, overview of women in war” then she leaned against the desk and pulled out her phone.

You looked back at yours, 11:18. Two minutes until class began, and there was now roughly 15 people in the room. You sat in the second row back from the front, and you noticed only one person in the front row. He had a weird beanie on, dark hair, and pierced ears. You tried not to stare, since you knew he could glance back at any second.

“Okay everyone, I am Nico Robin. I’m your professor.” She smiled for the class, and continued, “this class should be very exciting, we get to learn about women like Joan of arc, who really was a delusional farm girl, and Molly Pitcher, a women who fought in the American revolution. The syllabus is online, you will need books by next class. The student store has them for 15 dollars, I won’t take any excuses.” 

The professor paused, then opened her bag and pulled out the book, “it looks like this. It’s a small booklet of primary sources, mostly text and images, that we will take a deep dive into. Your grade this semester will be 40 percent exams, 25 percent homework, and finally 35 percent participation. Yes it is a lot, this class is modeled after my time researching, you cannot be a historian or teacher without being able to work as a group and communicate. I know it’s a challenge but try your best.”

A beat.

Law felt sick. He was not a talker, especially to people who were history majors. The men were always blood hungry, the women always poetic. This class would be rough, but if he could find one person bearable enough it might be okay. Sitting in the front seat, he couldn’t glance around to see his peers. While the professor was going on about the school's mandatory syllabus information, he took a quick look behind him, as if checking the clock. 

No one was paying attention, and he glanced quickly around the class. There was only one person who looked back at him, meeting his eyes. Of course they looked away immediately, and so did he.

The professor finally finished and gave the students time to “meet their neighbors”. Law turned and found the one student who made eye contact with him. 

“I’m Trafalgar Law, I’m a double major in history and biology.” He stated right to the girl, with no excitement in his voice, tone steady.

“My name is Dracule y/n, I’m a history major, and you are insane, Trafalgar.” She had a bit of sarcasm in her tone, which he took offense to. She was the fifth person to tell him that today.

“I’m not insane, I just like history and I want to be a doctor.” 

“That’s cool I guess, I’ve never met a stem major I liked though. You guys are all so “history is just memorization and dates”, I can’t stand talking to ‘em.” 

Law looked back at her and thought ‘I have never met a history major I liked either’. He decided on saying, “If you ask me historians are basically philosophers, you just think all day and pretend like the world changed.” 

She made an obvious frown, putting her hands onto the table with a bit too much force. “Huh?!”

“History majors have two options, teach or research, both are dead end jobs that don’t help people. It’s simple.” He stated nonchalantly, like it was crazy to major in history. 

“Well life isn’t all about jobs and helping people. It’s about living?” She looked him dead in the eyes before finishing with, “it’s not like the world collapses when doctors aren’t around.” 

“Well it was nice talking, but I’m gonna chat to my other neighbors.” He said with a huff, he didn’t have to talk to you at all, in fact he hoped he wouldn’t have to again. 

After about 10 more minutes, professor Robin spoke up again, “okay okay, since we don’t have textbooks yet I decided to make a fun assignment. I’m giving you your first and last handouts, you will need to fill them out before next class. Other than that, please look at the canvas page. Read over the syllabus and take my obligatory syllabus quiz. You are now free from this class.” 

You walked out into the hall, and booked it to the student store. You told your only friend and sister, Perona, that you would meet her there.

Law, coincidentally, told Bepo the same thing. Bepo was his only friend, having grown up with the white haired bear. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Only 10 minutes after class had dismissed you arrived at the store, already spotting Perona’s pink pigtails. 

“perona!” You whisper-screamed in her ear, trying to scare her. 

“Ahhh y/n”, she sighed, clearly unaffected, “you know you’ll never scare me. Anyways, what is my cute depressed friend doing on Friday?” 

You and her walked into the store, “studying... So I’m busy.” Giving her a quick smile before you two settled in the textbook section. 

“You are so coming with me then! I’m going to the mall that’s next to campus, I’m already so bored of our dorm room decorations. If we go to 5below I can get way cuter stuff for us! You need to come since it’s your dorm too, so I won’t take no for an answer.”

“Perona you have really good taste in stuff, you should be fine on your own!” You put some enthusiasm behind your voice, to encourage her. 

She frowned back at you, not buying into your typical antics. “If you don’t come then you won’t be leaving all weekend! You need to go outside y/n!” 

“Perona!? Hi!” A voice from behind you called out to her, causing you to turn instantly. 

“Bepo! What a coincidence! Do you have a picture of the textbook we need for thermodynamics?” Perona said, already stepping towards the bear.

“Of course! I have to be studious this year!” 

The two of them found the text book, it costed a whopping $300 dollars, and was written by their professor. 

“We can share, right Bepo? That way it’s only 150 dollars?” The both of them had a cloud over their heads as you watched the sad situation unfold. Peronas face was for sure one of desperation.

“Wait is there a digital version? It’s usually cheaper.” You suggested, reaching to pull out the info card. 

“Bepo! I’ve been looking.” Whoever said that sounded quite angry, and familiar?

“I’m sorry Law! I saw my classmate and got excited… sorry” Bepo turned to face the man. 

“You couldn’t have texted? just once?” Law replied, only just then looking at the two people who were with Bepo.

“Great this guy again.” You said with sarcasm dripping from your voice and turned to Perona, “we should leave, he hates me.” 

“I don’t hate you. I don’t even know you.” Law said, pinching his nose.

“Whatever, do you have Bepo’s number Rona?” Calling her by her self appointed nickname always made her happy, right now you were hoping it would get her to leave with you to the history section. 

“I don’t actually! Bepo! Here, put your number in!” She said with a smile, being way more friendly than usual. “I’m Perona by the way, how do you know my friend y/n?” 

It was a simple question but the way he answered really bugged you, rattling off a “we have a class together”. He was looking down at his phone and didn’t even bother to look up when he answered. Hell he didn’t even bother to introduce himself! 

“His name is Trafalgar by the way, we have women in war together.” You had a straight face, conveying how much it bothered you well.

“Awww how wonderful!” Perona had an enthusiastic tone but looked at you with a smirk like no other. “Would you be her friend? I’m the only one she has right now!” 

You cursed your friend and her constant medling. She loved to stir the pot, and when you got upset she would always say “you are so cute when you’re mad though!” With her words to Law, he finally looked up. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but was instantly interrupted. 

“He only had one friend too!” Bepo handed back Perona’s phone, “it’s me!” He said with a big smile.

“He seems like he would have no trouble! My y/n is super awkward and shy!” Perona practically ignored you, as you had started to form words before she interrupted you.

“No no! He’s pretty judgmental so a lot of people stay away from him, he also thinks he’s smarter than everyone!” Bepo replied back, as if they were two parents gossiping about their kids.

“She thinks the same! Maybe they could be friends?” Perona and Bepo look at you and Law.

“I am smarter!” Both you and law said in unison. Immediately looking at each other with frustration.

“Don’t say what I say!” You said to law.

“How would I know what you were going to say? Do you even think?” Law argued back.

“Of course I do! Do you?” You couldn’t think of anything better… 

“Good one. Bepo we’re leaving.”

“Rona we are leaving too! At least I don’t constantly speak in contractions…”

Law turned his head so you would hear, “you just said one too!” 

You and Perona had already turned the corner, you quickly led her to the history section. You spared her no look, you figured you would talk about it once the two of you got back to the dorm. Once you reached the history section, you squatted down in front of the book you needed and saw there were 3 left. Grabbing one then standing. Just as you were about to go pay for the book, you heard him again.

“Are you following me Dracule? Typical.” He said, with a touch of sarcasm. 

“Typical? We both know you don’t have anyone interested enough to follow you. Also, are you even thinking? We are in the same class so of course we would both need the same book.” 

“Whatever, I’m getting my book and leaving.” He quickly bent over, grabbed a copy and was gone.

“No comeback!?” You said, just a bit too loud. You wanted him to hear you, so that he knew you knew he couldn’t come up with anything. Feeling a bit triumphant you turned to Perona, who was standing behind you with a smile. 

“What now?” 

“He’s cute y/n!”

“No chance. He’s mean, and a biology major!” 

She scoffed, “there is always an exception to the rule! Like me!” 

“Yes Rona, an exception. A single exception. There can’t be two exceptions.” 

“Anything could happen! Plus if me and Bepo end up sharing a book you might be forced into hanging out with all of us! Who knows, maybe they also share a dorm!” 

You sigh and look at her, she looks so happy at the prospect that you might have a friend, especially one that’s a guy. You settled, your good side winning out. “Fine. I’ll be open to it. Only if he is nicer.” 

[queermediaanysis]

So a lot is bothering me about the narrative structure of season two. If I didn’t have my own novel to work on and didn’t have several more edits commissioned, I’d write a fix-it fic for all of season two to fix the narrative stuff and to really delve into character arcs that felt off. Maybe I will anyway. Idk. If someone who actually has time wants to take any or all of this and write a fic, go for it. Can’t wait to read it. Anyway, this is a very rough outline that’s subject to change if I do write the fic, but from a developmental editing perspective, here’s my two cents nobody asked for on season 2:

Thematic elements: Atonement and coping with trauma, the crew leaving (especially in regards to Stede’s emotional wound where he’s worried about people being better off without him) and identity (especially in regards to Ed/Stede/Izzy). These are present in the show as-is, but they don’t play out well just yet. I’m focusing on these to make things cohesive.

Episodes 1-3: mostly perfect. Loved these and the pacing felt correct for the most part. I would keep the tone from these episodes through the season. Ricky would be introduced here. Zheng is fantastic and all of her stuff stays here.

What I’d change: Ned Low would be the primary antagonist for this season. Ricky would be set up through this season to be the primary antagonist next season. Ned Low’s record is Ed’s original suicide by proxy plan, and that needs to be introduced here. There needs to be a scene showing how Ned tortures people in these episodes. Izzy needs to bring it up as a concern to Ed. Ed doesn’t care about the crew’s safety, obviously, someone (Izzy) needs to mention Ned’s record and possible repercussions here. I’d also NOT play Lucius’s trauma reveal with Stede like a comedy beat. (Like seriously, I HATE that the show played SA as a comedy beat.) Black Pete would be shown crying of Lucius so it’s not just told randomly after the fact. Olu would be shown missing Jim.

Episode 4: The unicorn thing with Izzy was beautiful and I’d keep that. Stede and Ed going to Mary and Anne’s is fine. Buttons can APPEAR to turn into a seagull.

What I’d change: The Kraken Crew and Lucius need to stay paranoid longer. They need to tally things up and realize that Low’s record has been broken (I think Ed was too checked out from reality/high on rhino horn to even realize he’d broken it; Izzy has bigger things going on and likely also lost track) but that record being broken was NEVER shown in the original, just told after the fact. In order to NOT switch to a speculative genre randomly for a convenient metaphor, Buttons appears to turn into a seagull but he doesn’t literally. Revealed to the audience but not to Ed/Stede (more on this later). Stede doesn’t put it to a vote that Ed can come back. He’s the captain and decides that that’s how it’s gonna be. The crew is also gonna look to former first-mate Frenchie (whose trauma is in a box) for direction when Izzy is struggling. It’s Frenchie’s idea about the leg. Izzy is still struggling a little more after his new leg, and I think he should be shown happy at the end but with a bottle of something not far from him (but more in that later).

Episode 5: Ed’s influencer non-apology clearly written by Stede works. Ed and Stede need time apart. The cursed suit can stay for the levity of it. Ed and Fang can go fishing. The moonlight kiss scene works for the most part.

What I’d change: Izzy can be sassy with Lucius, and a bit of a mentor to Stede, but he’s going to be drinking in this episode. Not plastered drunk like ep 4, but it’s gonna clearly be a struggle and everyone is just Not Talking About It. Lucius might start to parallel that a bit and I’d like to see more interaction with them there. I’d also like to see the Kraken Crew (all the crew really) treating Izzy as their captain. Stede says he doesn’t feel like the captain and there should be a reason for that. If he forced them to let Ed back on the boat in ep 4, that can be addressed here. Izzy is following Stede so he can eventually persuade everyone they have to as well, though Izzy’s earned more trust than anyone at this point. I’d delve into him doing for Stede what he did for Ed pre-season one (“massaged the crew” when Ed’s moods seemed off to keep things running (I can’t remember the exact quote past that, but that’s essentially the idea). The Kraken Crew needs to be wary of Ed longer. They do not believe Buttons is a seagull. They all think Ed killed him and Stede says he didn’t see Buttons turn into a seagull, but he takes Ed’s side and doesn’t think Ed killed him. That starts a rift and an “us or Ed” thing that’ll play out later. Ed can try to interact with the crew and get the cold shoulder. He’s done nothing to restore his reputation. As far as the cursed suit goes, I would have them receive some sort of warning from Ned Low when they go to pawn the suit off on the other ship. Stede or/or Izzy would keep it quiet from the crew, who are only just now starting to follow Stede as the captain. Ricky needs to be shown here wanting to end piracy, and interacting with Zheng. After the moonlight kiss, I’d have them holding hands as they walk off. I think maybe Lucius would want to leave the ship here. The Swede and Buttons are gone already, and it makes sense for Lucius to want to leave but Black Pete to want to stay. They’ll both still be on board here though.

Episode 6: Calypso’s Birthday will be the plot for 7/8.

What I’d change: let me preface this by saying I haven’t worked Zheng’s plot fixes out fully. But. If we’re moving this to the next two episodes, something has to happen here. I’d keep the bit with the guilt room and with Ed giving away treasure to the urchins saying don’t be pirates, but have him say more in front of Stede about how piracy is bad for specific reasons that Stede just doesn’t clock as Ed wanting to stop. I think the plot will be along the lines of Stede engaging in more piracy. Ed will quietly be struggling with the fact that Stede is becoming a more and more proficient pirate in his own way, Ed himself not wanting to pirate anymore, and his tentative new relationship with the captain of a ship he is definitely not wanted on by anyone other than Stede. Zheng needs to interact with Ricky here about him wanting to end piracy. Izzy is a good first mate here but he’s still drinking. Lucius may start to parallel that here. Former first mate Frenchie picks up the slack and falls into a leadership role when Izzy is struggling too much, and this is eventually gonna cause him to have to deal with his trauma that’s bottled up, when he has to talk to Izzy about clearly not handling his own. Eventually, things will come to a head with the crew not wanting Ed on board. It becomes an “us vs him” thing with the crew threatening to leave if Es doesn’t. Stede will try to smooth things over but Ed will interrupt and say don’t bother, he’s leaving. He doesn’t know who he is but at least fisherman would be better than pirate. Episode ends with Stede heartbroken and Ed going off to fish in something that isn’t his leathers, so he wouldn’t be recognizable from a distance. Low pinpoints Stede’s ship but doesn’t see Ed on it, and plans to bait him out by boarding and torturing the crew.

Episodes 7-8: Nope. I’d keep almost none of this.

What I’d change: This part is also still rough and I need to flesh it out a bit more, BUT: Calypso’s birthday would be episode 7. The crew would wanna party but also wanna cheer up their sulking captain. They’re glad Ed is gone. Izzy is a good first mate here but still drinking. He encourages the party to Stede who agrees. They’re spending Ed’s treasure that he’s left, turning the poison into positivity by getting rid of the bad memories the Kraken Crew has of obtaining it. Stede and Izzy bond a lot here. Ned Low does interrupt the party (I think maybe he’s also “working” with Ricky but not really, he has his own agenda) planning to bait Ed back. The scene in Stede’s quarters would be Izzy and Stede, not Ed and Stede. Once again the crew are suffering for Ed’s actions, and THAT is how Ed can atone for it. He can save them, probably with the help of Zheng who he’ll have met when he goes off to be a fisherman. So there’s some camaraderie going there. Also, with help from Lucius and Black Pete, who will have to trust him in order to save the crew/themselves. Stede will be the one to kill Ned Low, and he and Ed will still impulsively sleep together as a coping mechanism at the end of episode 8. Izzy is still alive and well (though still drinking a lot; and I think this could be a key to Frenchie having to confront trauma instead of locking it in the box), and things aren’t smoothed out with Ed and Izzy yet, that’s for next season, Ed has ACTUALLY done something to earn the crew’s trust back, and it appears to be a happy enough ending for Ed and Stede. Also, IF Ed says “I love you”, Stede is GONNA say “I love you too” because WTAF was that in the show?! But I’d end the season with La Vie en Rose and fireworks, Izzy happy and celebrating with the crew, a happy moment for Ed/Stede, the antagonist defeated, and Ed actually having atoned for his previous actions.

All of this is rough, but it’s my original thoughts. If anyone wants to use the base of this to write a fix-it fic, go for it. I may do it myself if I can find the time between work writing responsibilities.

[logan-lieutenant]

i didn't win the wheel: episode 8

(i made a post earlier as a preface as to what to expect in this IDWTW, check it out if you missed it)

Alex [leading the intro of the video]: "....Logan and I, we're here in honor of Wimbledon to play *turns to a detached and uninterested Logan* table tennis. Because nothing says Wimbledon like table tennis."

Logan [finally looking up right at him, starting to laugh]: "I think that's like... disrespectful..."

[they both laugh]

oh, alex. alex albon. you beautiful human being you. something i've mentioned earlier that i'm going to get into now: their dynamic is fluid and compatible and gentle, but it's hard to exactly fit them into roles because they switch back and forth. there might be two primary positions, but they flip back and forth between them easily depending on what the other needs. so Role A might have this sort of gentle leadership and reassuring presence, guiding the other through the task and getting them to engage with the game even as they're unfocused and overstimulated. Role B is a little lost, too in their head, unable to focus and unable to engage until they find themselves prompted by the reminder that oh, it's not just a game, it's a game with him. but it's impossible to put either of them down as always A or always B because earlier in the series we've seen logan help alex stabilize and recenter himself through his hyperactivity and now, more and more often, we're seeing alex coax logan out of his little shadowy corner. and alex does it in a way that even though it's an unspoken but obvious instruction (get your head in the game etc.) it's so personal it actually looks intimate, even on camera. the way he waits til the end of the sentence (while logan tries to pretend he isn't there) and then turns to face logan, lifting his arm to make a point but also opening up his shoulders toward logan and straight up leaning forward with that smile. he's tilting his entire face away from the camera so he can smile it logan, so he can say with his eyes "i know we're just doing this stupid challenge but i want you to know i'm not trying to drag you through it, i know you they're making you jump through these hoops and it's not fun and it's condescending and insulting, but i'm here and we're gonna do it and i'm gonna make this fun for you." and logan looks up and meets alex's eyes and they're so on each others' levels that these connections happen within a split second, almost easy to miss but when you catch a glimpse of it i feel like i'm intruding through the lens of the camera...

no reason to include this other than i felt like citing my sources (it's written all over their faces)

generally underwhelmed by william's admin choices for these videos. not only are the challenges really unoriginal, but they're also really simple. there's not a whole lot of challenge and there's also not a whole lot to go off. even ferrari adding a blindfold to everything ends up with better content than this. it should be obvious– mclaren admin has this down– but what makes the content popular isn't the score of the stupid table tennis game, it's the interaction. it's the dynamic. one of the reasons we're seeing alex go so obviously out of his way to bring logan into the picture is because admin has given them basically nothing to work with, so there isn't a backtrack of this is fun! this is interesting! this is amusing! to distract us. there's just alex wanting logan to have fun with him and logan not being in a situation to want or even be able to have fun.

[Pretty uneventful game over, Alex wins]

Alex: "5-3, to the champion, it's the– uh, this was a great victory for me and I'm, I'm very happy, I–"

Logan 😊😊: "Does that mean you could win Wimbledon?"

sorry if you ever thought you were babygirl for alex albon, logan sargeant has blown you out of the water. this is the cutest thing i have ever seen. this is how my dog looks at me when i come home from college.

ahhh this is nice to see. these are the roles i was talking about earlier. this is a pretty good callback to episode 5, but once again vice versa– then alex was still feeling hyper and silly from the game and logan was the one both guiding the activity and kind of letting alex calm down on his own time and still engaging him, now we've swapped. logan is almost looking at the camera now– he's almost doing the actual media presentation part of his job as opposed to the cap covering his face, head down, body language less expressive than a statue. only he can't make himself look at the camera for more than a few seconds because he's looking at alex.

he isn't even moving the video along. he's just straight up interrupting. alex has to due some mental and verbal gymnastics later on to get the activity back to the wheel-spinning part but still makes a point to segue from what logan's yapping about to the wheel instead of cutting him off completely.

also, round of applause for whatever moment between this video and last video where they've both become totally at one with the "awkward slanted shoulder one arm on the table so they can inconspicuously face each other" pose because unless they're actively swinging a paddle that's pretty much their default for this video. because that's the game for them. the fact that they're with each other.

i think i have one more episode to do. i'm still going to do it, because leaving this unfinished would somehow feel worse, as if none of this ever happened. but it fucking did. it was here and it's on video and alex fucking remembers and i'm not going to give up on immortalizing these moments and what they might have meant just because james consonants somebody wants to erase them.

[vashtijoy]

haru: "we'll just take him out again"

Ah, this 1/10 line of Haru's, about what they should do if Akechi betrays them all a second time.

I've talked about Haru and Akechi before—she is overwhelmingly compassionate towards him. She shows him understanding he has not earned and does not deserve. She contrasts, in fact, with Futaba, who takes a consistently harsh tone with him—and well may she do so.

Haru is done dirty by the bulk of the fandom with this flanderised crazy axe mean girl schtick, and this translation does not help. So it's time for another big red....

Let's take a look.

tatakau: "to fight or battle"

Haru また裏切るようなら戦うだけだよ。 mata uragiru you nara tatakau dake da yo Plus, if he does betray us again, we’ll just take him out too.

mata uragiru you nara—"if he betrays us again, then we'll...". tatakau dake da yo—"we'll just tatakau him". But what's that verb; what's tatakau?

戦う tatakau means to fight, or do battle, or to make war on someone, or to oppose them. It's a common word. ALC has a number of examples:

戦うか逃げるかの反応 tatakau ka nigeru ka no hannou, "fight-or-flight response";

戦うことを諦める tatakau koto o akirameru, "to give up the fight";

戦う必要なく tatakau hitsuyou naku, "without even having to fight".

It is excessively common in P5:

Ryuji (before one of the robot minibosses in Okumura's Palace) こりゃもう戦うしかねーな! korya mou tatakau shika nee na! Looks like we're gonna have to fight. Haru (when you try to switch her into the party too early) 私も戦えるよ! watashi mo tatakaeru yo! I can fight too! Haru (before a robot miniboss) こうなったら戦うしか⋯! kou nattara tatakau shika...! It looks like we just have to fight!

tatakau is the word we translate as "fight"; "a fight" is often tatakai, from the same root verb. When the PTs fight in the Metaverse, they are tatakau-ing. And when they fought Akechi in the engine room? They tatakau-ed him:

Ann 同じヤツを憎んでるのに、なんで戦うの!? onaji yatsu o nikunderu no ni, nande tatakau no!? We both hate the same guy! Why do we have to go against each other!? Morgana 戦う前に笑ってたの⋯あれ、本心だろ? tatakau mae ni waratteta no... are, honshin daro? That smile before we fought… Isn't that how you really feel?

See? Let's look at Haru's line one more time:

Haru また裏切るようなら戦うだけだよ。 mata uragiru you nara tatakau dake da yo Plus, if he does betray us again, we’ll just take him out too. And if he betrays us again, we'll just fight him again.

the phantom thieves' ghost murder victim

The other key point is this: though this isn't present in the Japanese, the localisation still says "too". "we'll just take him out too". Who's that "too"?

They're not killing Maruki, despite Akechi's efforts. They didn't kill any of their targets. They didn't even kill Shido, who they all held responsible for the murder of Haru's father, and Futaba's mother, and who knows how many others.

In short: nobody is getting murdered in this line—except Haru, by the localisation.

"take him out"

In fairness to everyone who fast-forwarded all of Haru's dialogue and so thinks she's even worse than Akechi, cold-bloodedly planning murder as a form of revenge, "take him out" is a confusing choice of words.

"take him out" means to disable a target. This is how it gets its primary meaning of "kill him". It means to get something or someone out of your way, in a way that corresponds with its death or destruction—or, as in this case, with extreme violence; remember they KO Akechi in the engine room, just like every other boss.

This is why it's common in so many contexts—sport, business, politics. You take out targets in many fields, but you don't kill them! In the same way, Haru intends for them to eliminate Akechi as a threat, if he ever makes it necessary again.

Futaba makes this explicit to him the next day, on 1/11:

Futaba けどまた裏切ったりしたら、絶対許さない。 kedo mata uragittari shitara, zettai yurusanai BUT if you ever betray us again, we'll make sure you regret it.

Futaba says this right to his face: "if you betray us again, don't think you'll get away with it"; "if you betray us again, you're done for." She tells him this is his one and only chance.

(That zettai yurusanai, of course, is the same wording she uses about the men in black suits, and the men who killed her mother—it's fighting talk, blood debt talk. And it's interesting that she has clearly not yet put Akechi into that category. yurusanai is also the word Haru uses to him in the engine room, often translated as "I can't forgive you".)

context matters

Many common misunderstandings of P5's characters and plot boil down to something like this: an overfocus on one memorable line, at the expense of the bigger picture. Again, in fairness, P5 is a huge game, which makes this very easy to do.

But the fact that the Phantom Thieves have chosen not to kill comes up over and over. It is absolutely fundamental to them: their justice does not include murder.

Again: the fact that they don't go in for vigilante killings is what makes them better than Akechi! Part of the essence of their conflict is that Akechi has made bad choices that the PTs avoided—such as Ann's fateful choice to let Kamoshida live:

Just as with Ann and Kamoshida, I don't think the Thieves would stop Haru or Futaba, if they decided Akechi should die. But I also don't think it would pass without question, as Haru's "take him out" line does. Even if nobody else said a word, Makoto would say something. Because the Phantom Thieves are not murderers.

when someone shows you who they are, believe them

On top of that, if you want to read Haru's "take him out" as meaning she wants Akechi dead, you have to ignore everything else she says about him—and, frankly, every other time she's onscreen. Because Haru oozes kindness, compassion and thoughtfulness from her every pore.

Remember, Haru expresses compassion for Akechi, not hate. Here she is on 12/25:

Look at that. Commit it to memory. Show all your friends. Haru is glad Akechi is alive. She's glad he turned himself in and thinks he should pay for his crimes—but she didn't want him dead, and she certainly doesn't want to kill him.

In the engine room, when he's at the point of death, she's afraid for him. She runs forward to call to him; note that Futaba does not, and is at the back of the group, furthest from Akechi.

Even when Haru judges Akechi for what he took from her, she is sympathising with him:

When Cognitive Akechi arrives, Haru isn't just trying to stop Akechi turning on them to save his own skin. She empathises with him, and understands how complex his feelings towards Shido truly are—and why that puts them all in so much danger:

Say it again and say it loud: Haru understands Akechi.

but how does she really feel

Haru tells us her secret feelings in the safe room:

See? Just like Futaba, she doesn't want to be around him; she doesn't want him as part of the group. But she doesn't want to kill him.

That's not her nature. Haru is not a murderer. I'll say it again for the kids at the back: Haru is not a murderer. Her compassion is what makes her unlike Akechi. It's what makes her so much better than him.

She doesn't need to be his best friend to understand him. She doesn't need to hang out with him to see herself in his situation—because the two of them have so much in common. She can acknowledge that he wronged her without secretly (or not-so-secretly) wishing him dead. Haru is a better person than most of us, and her feelings about Akechi are complex.

what is the line actually about?

The sad thing is that Haru's "we'll just take him out" is a beautiful line.

Remember, Haru could be justifiably afraid of the prospect of being around Akechi. He's not safe. He's responsible for one of the greatest traumas of her life. But she shuts that fear down: "if he betrays us again, we'll just fight him again".

She removes his power over her—power to control her, to intimidate her, to make her afraid. Haru can stand up to Akechi and look him in the face, because she's surrounded by her friends. And her friends will stand with her. They prove it over and over in the third semester, when they repeatedly prioritise her feelings and Futaba's. It's made clear repeatedly that if either of them have a problem, Akechi will not be on the team.

So Haru is prepared to work with the scorpion by the river. She understands what made it how it is, and that it can only act according to its nature. But she'll be watching—and she'll be ready. Just like Akechi, who steps forward to fire on Maruki when the rest of them are paralysed.

It's just that Haru's bag of tricks doesn't include murder. Akechi has kept that in his back pocket—but Haru never had it in hers. It's a shame that Haru's clearsightedness here, and her readiness to act—something else she shares with Akechi—is so badly misunderstood as "lol funny murder psycho girl".

Akechi's second betrayal looks like them beating the shit out of him. I'm sure Haru would shoot him in the face a second time, and good luck to her. I'm sure the Phantom Thieves would, each and every one of them, make him deeply regret it before he was again turned in—voluntarily or otherwise.

But murder? No. That's never on the table. That's not Haru, and it's not the Phantom Thieves. And, ultimately, that's why they're the good guys, and Akechi is not.

revision history

Click here for the latest version.

v1.0 (2023/10/13)—first published.

[utilitycaster]

1. Why do you like or dislike this character? - Percy and/or Keyleth?

I like both of them, so:

I like Percy for the surface reasons of intelligence and witty comebacks and the general Taliesin Jaffe Arrogant Guy Is Confidently Wrong About Many Things reasons, but more specifically I like how incredibly aware he is of social structures and doesn't dismiss them as stupid or fake or meaningless just because he is aware how much artifice is involved. I love how much he validates Vex in this, as someone who's been on the other side of that social divide most of her life and who knows she "shouldn't" care but does, deeply. It would be so easy for him to say "look, titles are stupid and fake, I should know, I have one," but instead he says "no, I see what this means to you, because yes it's all an accident of birth and yes it is kind of stupid and fake, but it's also the reason why you lived rough for your teens and early 20s, and you are not silly for wanting this security." I also think he's a great exploration of guilt and of someone who has a lot of complicated feelings from the gods but does value their counsel; we don't get a lot of characters with that sort of nuance. His scene with the Raven Queen remains a standout for me and for all he can be melodramatic and obnoxious at times, he is also like 25, traumatized, and should be at the club. I think the question he answers (why would someone invent the gun) is an interesting one, and I think the way that his story ends up with the obvious inevitable happening and yet he still finds happiness is unexpected and wonderful to see.

I like Keyleth for a lot of reasons people will probably be annoyed about, which is...she is annoying. Annoying women: may we know them, may we be them, and may we raise them. Anyway, I think her terror of doing the wrong thing at the cost of doing anything sets up a fantastic arc for someone who is expected to become a leader. I admire how she knows she's not the most eloquent and is scared of her responsibilities but does not back down from speaking up when she disagrees with the party. I like how she's perhaps the only example of lifespan angst that is actually portrayed as making a lot of sense, especially since she is also extremely young (probably shouldn't be at the club given the bar crawling results. She should be at ZooLights and have like, one cider.) I think in general her fears are incredibly real and make sense for the character and shape her, and that's not something you see portrayed with this amount of depth very often. I stuck with the VM-era portrayal of Percy but I will say I especially love how Keyleth is portrayed in Campaign 3, because Percy hasn't changed a ton in adulthood, merely mellowed out a little, but Keyleth very much has as she's grown in confidence, as she was only at the beginning of that during the Campaign. I think her relationship with Vax is incredibly good for both of them; her sense of belonging to a place and his ability to support. I do like that she gets angry, especially after so much time being insecure, but I feel much has been made of her anger and I don't have a ton to add there, and also while I like that she is angry and expresses it, there are other characters I gravitate to for that specifically. Also I have incredible respect for her having to take on a much bigger magical burden than expected; I have said this before but my longest-running character was in a campaign where the player playing sorcerer switched to ranger, and the cleric left, leaving me as the only full caster and primary healer (though thankfully we got a baller paladin shortly after). The fact that Keyleth had to, and could, be whatever the party needed mechanically was a godsend. I know VM died a lot but they would have died like 20 times more without her and Scanlan and especially without her.

[wheelie-sick]

was it difficult getting a wheelchair prescription/referral for eds? and how has your experience with deconditioning been? was the switch to wheelchair from other mobility aids worth it? i have eds and am expected to get a wheelchair prescription later this year and i’m anxious about how the appointment will go

while I would love to help you my wheelchair is not primarily for hEDS 😅

[proceeds to write a really long fucking post with answers anyways]

anyways it's beneath the cut

I had a very easy time getting a referral because I have numerous comorbidities and my wheelchair was primarily for miserable malalignment. it was done in combination with the hEDS and lupus.

I'll still answer the other questions though

deconditioning

deconditioning was and is a very huge struggle for me especially because in the past I was a near full time wheelchair user and occasionally was completely unable to weight bear for about a month at a time. this meant I was basically doing no walking. this had all the consequences of doing no walking. I haven't had physical therapy in a long time either (even though I should) which did not help the situation.

I didn't really notice the deconditioned until I started shifting back to walking more. my legs were extremely weak and I was having a hard time walking short distances. I definitely had to build up to longer ones and it was a slow process.

I now walk significantly more--I'd say about 30% of the time--which is not a large number but it's enough to keep my legs strong enough that I can do things like hike sometimes. I do try to keep up with PT exercises. I am bad at it but anything is better than nothing.

basically my point is walk as much as possible and do your physical therapy

I will say that to some extent the muscle you build in your arms does make up for the muscle lost in your legs. it's not a 1:1 but it's not like you're losing muscle and gaining none- you are gaining some.

other mobility aids

god this is another one that's really influenced by other factors that weren't hEDS but I'll answer it anyways and try to pick out what's hEDS and what's not.

when I got my wheelchair referal I had active, untreated lupus leaving me unable to make it to the bathroom more than 1-2 times a day. when I got my wheelchair I had worse active, untreated lupus and was in and out of the hospital. I was also struggling to make it to the bathroom and was not eating (in part because I was throwing all of it up, in part because the campus dining hall was outside my radius of movement even with my hospital wheelchair) my point with this is that I needed that wheelchair pretty desperately. I had a hospital wheelchair, it was very difficult to use because it was 4 inches too large. I did use it, it was my primary mobility aid, but it limited my life a lot. it was more a "go to the bathroom" mobility aid than a "go to my classes" mobility aid

active lupus likes to attack your connective tissue a lot so it was also making my joints more unstable. couldn't figure out where to include this in the last paragraph but part of the cause of my pain was lupus' impact on my hEDS joints.

when I got my custom wheelchair I started using it for just about everything immediately because it was the most freeing thing I had ever experienced. (I got to leave my dorm building!!!!! I got to leave my dorm building!!!!!!!!!!!!)

[ID: a window selfie taken in a window with decals saying "UNM lobos" the person is sitting in a rigid manual wheelchair with his arm on the wheel]

look at me outside my dorm building for the first time in a month!!!! you can't see it but I was so absolutely thrilled

so was it worth it for me? yes, 1000× yes. I cried when I first moved around in it in the ATP's office

hEDS and the switch

so while it was absolutely worth it for me I wanted to share some of the factors that are actually hEDS related (though most of these are influenced by other parts of my disorder cocktail)

when it comes to pros, I do experience a lot of pain from hEDS and my leg pain is very mitigated by my wheelchair. when it comes to cons my shoulders have new pain! it's awful. when it comes to pros, my wheelchair is fit in a way that really helps alleviate my back pain from SI joint in instability-- if your chair doesn't have a good backrest SI joint pain will get worse, get a good backrest (I personally recommend the varilite icon so much thst they should start paying me for the advertising) it also supports my comorbid scoliosis a lot. it's useful during comorbid POTS flares but my POTS is pretty well managed now so that's mostly irrelevant for me (and you have to be careful using wheelchairs for POTS because they can decondition you and make things worse in the long run)

speaking of deconditioning you already seem pretty aware of deconditioning concerns so I won't dive into that one

it has made my joint dislocations & subluxations much less frequent because mine were primarily happening in my knees. it has made elbow subluxations a revived problem

basically it's what you'd expect- easier on the lower body harder on the upper body. also your spine. there's a lot of stress on your spine using a wheelchair so you have to take that into account. push for a good backrest, consider one that's medium height (at least, depending on other needs) understand you will probably throw your back out multiple times.

was it worth it with hEDS for me? I'd say yeah. while my wheelchair is not primarily for hEDS, hEDS is still a large component in it.

this was very rambly, sorry about that, I am writing this at 3 am, I hope this helps some?

I wish you so much luck getting your wheelchair they are so life changing and I hope you find it to be worth it!!!!! 💕💕

[automaticpizzahologram]

Sorry, I'm a crap writer, I didn't expect it to get as popular as it is .

If you have any ideas, feel free to say

Part 3

Bill and I have been at the park for around about an hour laughing and telling each other stories when I get a call from my mam, telling me that I need to head home. I don't really want to go as Bill and I are having a great time

" I have to go home. it's getting late, and mam wants me home." I say, looking him in the eyes, he has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.

"That's fine. I should head back. The others are probably wondering where i am."

We both walk out the park and down the narrow path side by side as we reach the end, Bill turns to me and gives me a piece of paper, which I assume has his number on it.

"Call me, bye,"

"Bye," we both go our separate ways, I turn my neck to look at him, a smile creeping onto my face, making my face go hot. I turn back around and practically run home feeling giddy. I don't get much attention from boys ,none, really, so it doesn't take much to fluster me. I mean, the last relationship I had doesn't even count as it was a primary school one in year 5.

Once I reach my house I open the door.

"I'm home,"

"GREAT, HAVE YOU DONE YOUR SPARXS HOMEWORK," mom shouts.

"Yeah, I did it on Wednesday,"

Huffing I run upstairs and jump straight on my bed gazing at the ceiling, I think back to the park, smiling I remember about the piece of paper. I open my phone and add him to my contacts.

'Hey,it's Y/N.' I type out as soon as I send it. I slam the phone onto my bed and walk to the other side of my room. My phone buzzes, not even 10 seconds later. Rusing back over, I pick up my phone

'Hey, miss me already?'

I blush,

'You wish hahaha'

Getting ready for bed, my phone buzzes again, picking it up it's a picture of what looks like one of Bill's friend with semi long brown hair looking at the camera with a shocked face and Bill and the others not having a clue in the background.

'Future cover of vouge'

'Ikr, all the ladies love me,I'm georg btw, iak who u are, he hasn't shut up about you lol'

'Really? '

'Yeah, ima see how long it takes for him to notice that I have his phone.'

' You do that then'

'So what do you like to do? Personally, I like to play guitar and

hang with my bros'

'Hang with my bros💀, I really like plants, and I guess I like where I work'

'Lame'

'OK, Mr., all I do is play guitar, I did that in y4'

'Ma.meh mehmeh'

'Are you seriously making fun of me over text'

' What are you gonna do about it?'

Suddenly, I get a video call, and I pick up knowing who it is.

"Well, hello, oh famous y/n."

"Hello,georg. I'm guessing they still haven't figured it out yet. "

"Yep. They're still playing uno. " The camera switches around to reveal Bill and the others in a hotel room. The camera switches back around to face Georg.

" You look like a drowned fish."

"Well, at least I don't have my pants so low, not even my belt can help,"

We bicker on for a few minutes until a shout comes from the other end of the phone

"Jeez, okay, who got your thong in a twist gustav?" Mumbled shouting, is heard until I heard a loud

"Is that my phone? Who are you talking to?"

"Yes and y/n"

'WHAT,' loud stomping is heard until it stops and the phone is wrestled out of goreg's hand and a makeup free Bill is on screen.

"Halo"

"Hey Bill, had a nice game of uno?'

His face starts to heat up a tad .

"Yes, did you miss me so much you wanted to call me?"

" Totally, yeah, it's not like a rat looking creature called me," I say, referring to goreg

" I heard that you ugly chihuahua,"

I ended up talking to the whole group until 22:30pm, we would have continued to chat if it wasn't for me needing to get to bed as i need to get to school at 7 in the morning.

My weird ass alarm wakes me up . Wanting to curl back up in bed and cry, I get up and head to the bathroom to do my morning routine.

I have to leave the house at about 6: 30 as it takes 20 minutes just to walk to the school gates. If it wasn't for my GCSES, I would have missed so many days off school just to sleep.

Munching on my toast, I walk along the extremely long path that's right next to a road to school. Music blasts in my headphones as I bop my head to the music.

Once I reach the gates, I walk around to the schools student entrance. I hate having to spend an extra 2 hours at school, but it's going to be worth it in the long run. Walking into the dining room, I see pheobe sitting at our table.

"You're here early,"

"I woke up at five and couldn't get back to sleep,"

"I don't know how you do it,"

"I can't be arsed for math at 7 in the morning,"

The school day passes by slowly, I mean, imagine being at school for 8 hours.

Once the school day ends, I finally look at my phone to find about 30 texts from an unknown number.

' nah gustav is being hella boring rn'

'I look too good rn for this'

'Do you know any good fast food here'

'Why aren't you answering? It's literally after 3 '

'Georg?'

'The one and only'

'How did you get my number'

'I have my ways'

'You took it from Bill, didn't you?'

'Totally not, anyway as I asked earlier what's good food around here'

'I dunno, domino's.?"

'OK, why so hesitant? It's not shit is it?'

'No, not really, just kinda pricey '

'Doesn't bother me, I'm rich'

'Totally'

'Bye ,Mrs kaulitz'

'GEORG'

'BRO'

'NO'

' Are you really leaving me on delivered rn-'

As soon as I get home, I run to my room to get changed into some comfortable and baggy clothes instead of this uncomfortable uniform .

Lying on my stomach, I flick through my true crime magazine until I get bored and place it to the side.

Not knowing what to do, i huff and stand up, walking out of my room and into maddies room.

"Who are we going to see next week?"

"Tokio Hotel, Tom is literally SO HOT,"

"And how old is he?"

"16"

"Your 13 maddie"

"And?"

"Oh my godddd," walking out of her room, I hear my ringtone playing from my room. Picking up the phone, I quickly check who's ringing, It's Bill"

" Hey Bill,"

"Hallo, y/n, do you wanna maybe wanna come over and watch movies and have pizza georg says that he found a good place called Domino's, and you don't have to pay"

"Sure , that'll be cool. I'll text my mom saying I'm going out,"

"Awesome, where are you? I can pick you up. "

I gave Bill my address and then ran to my desk, making sure that I looked good and applying some soap and glory mascara, then downstairs to get my shoes on. Not long later, a black SUV pulls up out on the path.

God, georg wasn't bluffing. A knock on the door pulls me out of my thoughts. I grab my keys and open the door

☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆

Thanks so much for reading. I'll get to work on the next chapter soon.

[tokillamockingbird427]

Struck by the sudden mental image of Logan calling Keegan "Kitten" completely unironically. Is he kidding/doing it to mess with people? Yes. But he also uses it like he would his actual name. Keegan was so mad the first few times (not really) but he got used to it/gave up and just accepted that Logan is going to bully him relentlessly with the name.

I also think he'd only speak when he's trying to get people to look at him (so he can then switch to ASL) so it'd be probably one word lines like "Hey," "Listen!" or just peoples names... What I'm saying here is; Logan would just go "Kitten." at Keegan in his lil raspy "I never speak" voice and it would cause a shock wave that concusses everyone in a five mile radius. And then when Keegan snaps to attention there's another shock wave that physically annihilates every GI in a TEN mile radius. (Logan would just chuck something at him/tap somewhere on him because they're close, so when he speaks to get Keegan's attention he knows it's important and jumps to see what's up.)

Also because deaf/non vocal people give people sign names (So they don't gotta finger-spell it out every time.) I'd like to submit the idea to the public that Logan's sign for Keegan is also Kitten.

I think what would be funniest is if Keegan learns what Logan is signing at him as just "Oh that's the sign that means my name! :)" without knowing it's Kitten. He doesn't grasp enough ASL to realize it's two signs tied together. He is gleefully oblivious. (He'll learn eventually and will realize again he is never gonna hear the end of it from the blonde ever.)

Hesh however, very much does know/is aware what it means, and would laugh his ass off the first time he asks what Logan is calling Keegan and the fucker signs "Kitten" in response. He'll admit, it works because Keegan is always aloof and hissy when he's mad (While also being snuggly and affectionate to his loved ones,) but he was not prepared.

How to sign kitten in ASL: Sign for "small" + Sign for "cat" = Sign for "small cat"/Sign for "kitten" Small - Hands apart, facing each other, move them closer. Like you're squishing something. (But they don't touch!) Cat - Pinch air with index and thumb near nose/mouth and drag away from face. Like you're pinching or plucking a whisker. Other fingers should be relaxed and don't join the pinching motion. Just do em one after the other. Very intuitive signs when you think about it.

(Disclaimer: By no means do I know a ton of ASL, I ain't an expert. I'm just trying to learn it and this is what I learned by looking it up. I'm also aware it's supposed to be someone in the deaf community, or someone who is deaf, or someone who uses ASL as their primary language, who gives a name. Given that Logan falls under the last one by being non vocal and using ASL as his primary to communicate (and also experiences no self autonomy by virtue of being a fictional character), I picked the name. It's also meant to be silly.)

[annoyinglandmagazine]

Elrond and Elros Series Ideas 2

For a framing devise, which maybe shouldn’t be revealed until maybe halfway through the first season, I think it’s probably Elrond explaining it to Bilbo as he tries to compile his songs and history extracts of the Old Tales and takes full advantage of any primary sources he can find. The story is interspersed with Elrond packing things away for his journey west, you see things like murials of ships coming to life at the start of an episode and rings being taken out of their boxes suddenly switching to a scene where you can see them on the hands of one of the characters of the show.

As a battle scene with Maedhros taking out an entire battalion of orcs single handedly (pun fully intended) fades out you can see the same sword carefully taken out of its intricate scabbard and despite the layer of dust it is sharp as ever as it is cradled in hands that clearly aren’t the scarred one’s from the scene. The finale absolutely has to end with Elrond balancing on the prow of the ship to Valinor with a soft smile on his face and one tear rolling down his cheek as he gazes at the horizon.

The framing will also serve to explain why most of the first half of the season or so, four or five episodes, are in a more broad strokes epic style with very few little details or casual dialogue, mostly it’s political and military discussions, it comes across as if it’s more a story that’s been passed down because it’s not from Elrond’s point of view. It’s mostly a large scale kind of story with big battle scenes and political drama.

This is juxtaposed with the clips of the twins and their relationship with the Feanorians in the camp and Maglor and Maedhros in which we see Elrond learning how to heal because he’s the only one there that can and there’s loads of really sweet emotional moments where it looks like Maedhros is finally starting to accept them and you get much more dialogue with little bits of humour as well because this is what Elrond remembers.

Basically it feels like an entirely different show about two feared war lords letting down their barriers in order to try and form a tentative bond with these scared children as they grow up and it’s a really moving subplot next to the main plot of armies fighting dragons and Balrogs and kings and lords trying to form stable alliances in the unnavigable situation that is elf politics (especially the Finarfin and Gil Galad High Kingship of The Noldor situation because there is a lot of mileage in that one.)

The first time we see the Third Kinslaying properly is a bit later in the season, there’s vague flashes that allude to it in the twin’s nightmares, is Oropher explaining to Thranduil that they mustn’t fully trust the Noldor which comes on the heels of intense political manoeuvring the entire episode between him and Gil Galad. He refers to how they destroyed two of their people’s cities and ended the line of their royal family in one brutal attack. The way this scene is done should definitely open up with warning bells ringing louder and louder as the camera cuts from Mirkwood to Sirion and the most menacing music possible plays over the Feanorians entering.

It absolutely has to be an intensely brutal scene, maybe not in the graphic violence sense but emotionally the destruction has to be devastating, buildings set on fire, maybe a toy in a child’s limp hand or something like that; it’s horrifying is the point. Elwing flings herself into the sea and it ends with Oropher looking over the burning wreckage from the distance, just a few hours too late, a thriving settlement reduced to nothingness in the space of a day.

The Sindar all believe the twins to be dead and no one ever speaks the name of Elwing’s child or children, it isn’t specified, because it’s such a dreadful tragedy; they don’t show Elrond and Elros as Elwing’s sons until the end of the first season when we see two six year olds hiding in a wardrobe in a burning building and suddenly there’s footsteps and the door is thrown open to reveal Maglor stained with blood.

It’s referenced previously that the twins guardians have a dark reputation and it may have already been said that they are the sons of Feanor who were responsible for the massacre so it’s not a leap for it to be confirmed that they found the twins through dubious means but this is the first time people who don’t have the background knowledge will see where the twins came from.

Elros might brandish a sword at him but Maglor slowly takes off his helmet off and tells him they won’t come to any harm. Eventually he manages to coax them out and takes them in his arms and just as the camera pans out over the wreckage of Sirion once more you can hear the hushed voices of a conversation something like this; Maedhros: Elwing’s sons? Truly Maglor? Maglor: Well who else will take them? We killed their mother after all.

[pasiphile]

Hi there! Twiddling my thumbs on how to/whether to say this, but finding your Sherlock fic as a teenager (yeah, we’ve both been here that long, I am now eyeing my thirties in the street) was incredibly formative.

TVD (and Good Girls Don’t) was one of the first brain-changingly good pieces of online fiction I had ever read, and it made the days I worked that soul-wearying first job a little brighter. Or a lot. You gave me imagination and a playground for exploring my own writing, which continues to be a primary joy in my life. So — these two words aren’t enough. Thank you. 🩵

So, on to the writing! I have to ask for a Mormor prompt. Maybe the boys enjoying each other after a long absence, bonus for domesticity?

(gosh. I occasionally get messages like this and I always have to stare at the wall for a bit. I wrote it at a rather shitty time for me too and it definitely helped me get through it, so the thought that I made - make!- other people feel the same way means A Lot. Thank you <3)

The flat feels empty. Too empty.

It’s strange. It never did before. An empty place all for himself had been a luxury for many years. And after that, a necessity, a way to relax, recharge.

Except now all of a sudden the silence is too silent, the order too neat, the spaces too big. It’s absurd, and annoying.

He leans his head forward against the window, looking down at the street below. So many people and yet there’s just one, just one out of seven billion, who feels like –

The door opens behind him and he straightens up. “I’m back!” Sebastian’s voice bellows through the living room.

“I can see that.”

Sebastian starts, only spotting him now, then grins. “And I’m sweating like a pig. Manchester to London on public transport and let me tell you, those trains are not equipped to deal with thirty-five degrees Celsius, so if you’ll excuse me I’ll head straight for the shower.”

And before Jim can even think to react, mind and action sluggish in a way that’s totally inexcusable, Sebastian has dropped his bag and he strides past, already taking off his stained T-shirt and leaving behind a waft of deodorant and sweat and stale cigarettes, disgusting except it isn’t.

“Pick up your dirty laundry, you’re not a teenager,” Jim says, more on automatic than out of conscious thought, but Sebastian obediently doubles back to pick the shirt up, no comment.

The bathroom door closes. A moment later, the sound of the shower.

When did this happen? When he’d invited Sebastian to live with him? Before that, the first time he’d let him into the flat? When did he start to fill the spaces Jim hadn’t even been aware were empty?

He goes to the bathroom and slips in, quietly even though it’s futile to Sebastian with his SAS-instincts.

The dirty clothes are obediently in the hamper, tidied away. The steam smells of soap, not his, all alien and all familiar.

The shower switches off and Sebastian steps out. He grins, again, and spreads his arms as if to present the goods. “Did you miss me, then?”

“Yes.”

Sebastian’s smile slips. It’s too open, too bare, they don’t do this sort of thing, Jim doesn’t do this sort of thing.

“Of course I miss a loud, stinking oaf of a man dirtying up my flat,” Jim adds, and Sebastian relaxes, never mind that it’s actually true. “And you? Pining for home?”

“The moment I stepped out of the door.” Sebastian shrugs and turns to the mirror, absently running a hand through his hair. “You know me, I’m sappy that way.”

Jim grabs Sebastian’s arm and yanks him around, other hand finding his throat and slamming him against the wall, or rather, Sebastian lets him do all that because as always the balance is in his favour, Sebastian could break him like a twig if he wanted to.

But he doesn’t. That’s the point.

“Missed you too,” Sebastian says, voice slightly constricted through the chokehold. “This, especially. Now can you calm the fuck down?”

Jim loosens his grip, breathes out. “You know I should have you killed.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, calmly. “But you don’t. Do you?”

“No.” He leans in, nose against Sebastian’s throat, nothing there left now but the scent of soap, the one Jim got him a month ago because he was tired of Sebastian smelling like a locker room full of teenaged boys.”

“All right. Now that’s out of the way, can we  nghk “

Jim gets his teeth from Sebastian’s neck and leans back, smiling beatifically while his other hand keeps a new chokehold on Sebastian’s cock. “Yes?”

Sebastian gasps for air, then smirks, so wide it threatens to split his face. “Whatever you want.”

That’s the point.

Jim returns the smirk, then lets go and without even needing prompting, Sebastian goes to his knees.

[tobiasdrake]

Well, as long as we're rafting the temporal streams, might as well head back to Dormont. Got some errands to run in the past.

I'm like 98% sure you're trying to flirt with me but you're too nervous to actually go through with it. Would you please just finally ask me out so I can rock your evening?

Look, be glad I was tasteful enough not to go for the other pun.

My guy, what could possibly compel you to think I'm not comfortable with basic human conta--

...you know what, that's fair. I guess I do go out of my way to minimize any and all possible exposure of physical features, don't I?

Anyways, go on and get out of here while I chat with my Lemonfriend.

Oh, I've always liked you. I'm just also creeped out by you. Two things can be true.

...huh. If I can die here in Dormont, then... that does make things easier. I was planning on throwing myself on a Tear once we got into the House since you said I can loop forward as well as back, but dying here in town would save me some time.

Oh shit yes. I'd love the ability to call you and chat about what I'm seeing while the rest of the crew looks at me like I've lost my goddamn mind.

Especially since the ultra-secret fourth sign is making a phone shape out of your fingers and then talking on it. That's hilarious.

This.

This is it.

This is the key to killing myself in Dormont.

...

I should probably wait until I've finished up here.

OH

ISA

I didn't realize you come up here after we're done. I don't have anything else to talk about but it's great seeing you up here.

Didn't accomplish as much here as I expected to. But at least we can take another crack at that desk drawer.

Okay between this and the rock switch, I no longer have any confidence in my own ability to do my job. It's distressing that each setback thus far has been the fault of a bad d20 roll on the primary reason that I'm with this party.

Ha! Rock trap for the Rock key. I get it.

Really? They're frozen in time right now but I am looking for a book. You think they might have set it out for me in advance? That would be awfully nice of them.

Oh shit. There was a person in town who sometimes thinks they have a sister but can't recall where they moved to. That shit got super weird. This has to be related.

No idea how it's related to our current mission. But. It's gotta be related.

Always trust in the puns. The puns are life. The puns are the secret of the universe. Those who do not heed their wisdom face the ultimate punishment.

So the Rock Key was in a room guarded by a huge rock and the Paper Key is in the library. I am. Kind of. Terrified. Of where the inevitable Scissors Key will be found.

And one Star Crest. Well. *heavy sigh* Shit.

Gonna have to temporally save-scum this one.

Can't argue with that. Isa's my brofriend-maybe-more so his vote automatically weighs more than anyone else in this--

................

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Okay. It's okay. We can work this out mathematically.

Isa, as previously noted, is worth a million points because he's a precious slab of adorableness who flirts with me in the cutest ways imaginable and I'm super feeling it.

Mira, meanwhile, is worth half a million points because she's also awesome and cool and she's our wonderful team leader and I adore her.

Bonnie is worth infinity points because they are a child whose hopes and dreams we are responsible for and I don't want to let them down.

However, Odile is worth zero points because she's mean to me and sometimes makes me want to cry. I still haven't forgotten that crack, Odile. Even though you have because it was in another time loop.

If we add them together, then Team Beauty is worth a million and a half points, but Team Age is worth infinity points.

However my sign is Scissors, and the shape of Scissors forms a multiplication symbol, not a plus symbol. Which means that Team Beauty is actually worth 500,000,000,000 points while Team Age is worth 0 points.

Thus, the objective and entirely unbiased answer is that Team Beauty wins.

I'm sorry, Bonnie! But math never lies. We must go south. It is our destiny to go south.

I know you will. It is my destiny to have a future filled with spuds. I accept my fate, but I do not apologize.

[seradae]

Patch Tuesday [TF/agender] [robotics] [hacking] [sex mention but no sex]

Jess walked into the living room to see her partner sitting on the couch, twitching violently. "You doing okay, sweet?"

"Not... really. I keep having these glitches. My actuators are over-responding and I can't figure out any way to change it in my settings." It twitched again and sighed. "But I'll be okay. Don't worry, love."

She sat down and put her arm around Q. "I'm so sorry; have you checked with Phantom Robotics? They might have a fix or workaround."

"They said they don't have anyone who can fix it up here. I'd have to go down to Earth and wouldn't see you for weeks," it pouted. "Assuming they can even fix it."

She trailed her fingers over its back gently. "I could take a look, you know," she said, thinking through the process. "I'd have to disassemble you, but I bet I could fix it."

It blushed, looking down at the floor. "You'd violate my warranty, love. You wouldn't be able to return me or get me fixed if something else breaks."

She grabbed its chin and softly turned it to face her. "What part of you thinks that I would ever in a million years return you, sweet? I love you so much and you're mine for as long as you'll allow it. And if I can't fix something, no one can!"

Q leaned in and kissed her softly. "I love you too. Thank you for doing this for me; it's been killing me."

They went into Jess' office and she cleared a desk for it to lay atop. "You sure you want to do this? There's a chance -- however slim -- that I might make things worse," Jess asked, gripping its hand.

"I trust you, my love. Will you leave me on, at least as much as you can? I love watching you work."

She leaned down and kissed it tenderly. "For you? Anything. I love you, sweet."

"I love you too, so much. While you're in there, think you could give me a jetpack or tentacles?" It grinned, relaxing onto the desk.

"I'll see what I can do," she chuckled. She kissed its left hand and began unscrewing it, removing it and placing it to the side. She repeated the same process for its other limbs, treating them with the utmost care. "Feeling okay?"

It grimaced slightly. "It's really weird not feeling my arms and legs. Alarms keep going off and I can't disable them. Maybe there's a maintenance switch inside me? I don't think I was supposed to be on for this."

"Want me to turn you off? I'm not very good at that," Jess joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Ha-ha," it said flatly, rolling its eyes. "But nah, I'll be okay. It's more annoying than anything."

She kissed it again and opened its torso, tracing all the cables and giving a cursory inspection of its circuitry. "Okay, so good news and bad news here. No maintenance switch or anything like that, but I see a JTAG interface right near your primary FPGA. Guessing that will give me everything I need."

"JTAG? I don't think I know about that," it said innocuously, secretly hoping for one of Jess' infodumps.

"Okay, so," she began, as she always did, making it grin to itself. "JTAG is commonly used for access to flash chips, in-circuit emulators for FPGAs like yours, and more. When I hook up to it, I should be able to talk to pretty much every interesting chip in you. At least in theory; it's a finicky protocol."

She reached into a drawer and pulled out a box with a USB cable on one end and a ribbon cable with a blocky connector on the other. "Here goes nothing," she said hesitantly as she plugged it into Q and then into her computer. "Everything okay?"

"Didn't feel a thing! All systems nominal," it said, the second part coming out like a robot from the 1980s.

She chuckled and typed a command. "Dork."

"Your dork, though. You bought me."

"Best choice I ever made," she grinned. "Okay, good news! The scan chain -- the devices in you -- looks like it has everything I'll need. And everything looks like it actually wants to cooperate, which is ... rare." She rolled her eyes, flashbacks of hacking game consoles flooding her brain temporarily; nothing ever worked the way it should.

She typed another command and saw a progress bar pop up in her terminal. "Okay, extracting your firmware now. This'll take a bit, but once I have this, I can see how you tick. This should include all your built-in functionality, FPGA bitcode, et cetera." She slid her chair backward and turned around, giving it a kiss.

"I know I'm in parts on your desk right now, but I have to say: this is fucking hot," Q said, biting its lip. "But I'll be a good bot and not distract you too much."

"You're such a perv," she grinned, kissing it again. "Maybe next time you're open like this on my operating table, we can have a bit more fun with it."

It let out a soft moan. "Any time, love. Doing anything tomorrow...?"

She turned back to her computer and started typing. "You, if I'm lucky. But now it's time to patch you up!"

A few hours later, everything was prepared. "Okay, it took some time, but I think we're good to go. I didn't change your actuator configuration, but I gave you control over it. I also rooted you so you can make future changes without having to take you apart; I set the password to 'iloveyou' with no spaces. You'll wanna change that to something I don't know. Ready for me to reflash and reboot you?"

"Do it, my love. See you on the other side," it said, closing its eyes. She sent the command and saw it go still for a few minutes. Once it completed, its eyes opened and she let out the breath she was holding. "Hey, I'm not dead! And holy shit, I have so many new settings," it marvelled.

"Welcome back! Want me to close you all up? Did you change the password?" She smiled wide, kissing it.

"Yes please, I wanna fix those settings and I need to be able to test. And yep, I already put the new root password in our shared vault."

She started closing it up and reattaching limbs gently. "The whole point of changing it was so that only you have access to your internals, sweet," she chided.

It tweaked the settings and tested moving its limbs around as they were fixed in place. "Every part of me is yours. I know you would never change anything to hurt or control me. I love you and I trust you; if that ever changes, so will the password."

It sat up on the desk and pulled her in for a deep kiss. "You really are amazing, you know," it said softly, in awe of its girlfriend. "And you're stuck with me, now; no going back from that experience."

She smiled and kissed it again. "What a cruel fate, being stuck with my favorite person in the universe. Guess you'll just need to cuddle me about it."

[zuzsenpai]

more thoughts on getting screened for autism

I see my psychiatrist next Monday and my therapist next Wednesday, and I want to ask either or both about the process for getting screened. But I've read stories about mental health professionals outright refusing to help someone get screened. They either don't believe their patient is autistic because of X reasons, they think they know better, or don't believe it should matter in the first place. I don't know how to qualify for a screening, tbh. I don't know how it works. Does my insurance even cover it? I'm worried I'm going to have to work really hard to explain myself and my case for getting screened, and I'm going to fuck it up so badly. I'm notoriously TERRIBLE at advocating for myself, and I back down pretty quickly from arguments about myself because I can never find the words to say and I get too emotional. I'm going to stumble on words and my hands are going to shake and my throat is going to close up while I try to read aloud from my Notes app. I'm SO scared I'm going to be denied right from the beginning. I'm going to be told I don't "look" or "act" autistic and that everything I'm describing is because of depression and anxiety. I don't know where to turn if my psychiatrist and therapist deny me. Do I try my primary care doc who knows next to nothing about me beyond my physical health? All three of them are women, so I'm really hoping at least one of them will understand what I'm going through trying to get screened.

I truly just want to know. Even if the screening says I'm not autistic, I am desperately searching for answers about myself right now and I feel like it would help me either way. I've been thinking about this almost every day, and have been dipping my toes into the community. It's been helpful, but I don't know if a self-diagnosis is right for me.

Meanwhile my burnout is not getting any better, and I'm almost certain it was triggered by Zuko's emergency and recovery. Just like all the weeks since that happened, I did exactly zero relaxing things/hobbies/entertainment while on vacation last week. I could not focus. I could not relax. I could barely switch my brain on to go for a walk. I was pretty dang miserable and probably shouldn't have wasted the PTO days honestly.

Anyway, I'm going to write something concise in my Notes app to list off to my psychiatrist on Monday.