#i should i'll turn this into a book
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thevoidstaredback · 2 months ago
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I'm gonna be a bit more specific
You've developed a superpower. It's not common, but not so rare as to justify you suddenly going to ground the second you develop them, cutting yourself off from everyone in your life to drop off the grid as effectively as you can on such short notice.
The power is a generic one; healing both yourself and others, super strength, super speed, enhanced senses, -lepathy of some kind, -kinesis of some kind. (You decide, though you only get one)
Of course, every power has its weakness. Exertion of energy, faster metabolism, etc.
Though the power is not at first visible without use, it slowly mutates your body over time, slowly nudging you into the uncanny valley.
Powers in society aren't a new development. As far back as human record goes, there have always been humans who are more than the rest. Ancient people's called them Gods and Demigods, children of which were labeled Legacies.
The governments of the world have always had a branch to watch over these extraordinary humans. There's always been a space carved out for them
Examples, definitions, and expansions below the cut I'll ask again:
Superhero - A benevolent [fictional] character with superhuman powers - Superman, Wonder Woman, Captain America, Iron Man
Hero - A person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities - Civil Servant like a Doctor, Nurse, Cop, Lawyer, Judge, Military Personnel, etc.
Vigilante - A member of a self-appointed group of citizens who undertake law enforcement in their community without legal authority, typically because the legal agencies are thought to be inadequate - Spider-Man, Daredevil, Nightwing, Batman
Anti-hero - A central character in a story, movie, or drama who lacks conventional heroic attributes - Deadpool, Punisher, Venom, Red Hood
Villein - A feudal tenant entirely subject to a lord or manor to whom he paid dues and services in return for land - Corporate CEO, Cop, Land Lord, etc.
Supervillain - A [fictional] villain with superhuman powers - Joker, Darkseid, Dr. Doom, Thanos Would you start a superhero team? (Justice League and affiliates or Avengers) Would you start a supervillain team? (Sinister Six or Court of Owls) Would you start a vigilante team? (BatFam or Team Red)
Or would you continue life as a civilian, hiding your powers as best you could, but using them for yourself? Maybe you'd continue life as a civilian, but you'd use your powers in the comfort of your own family and closest friends, not sharing with anyone beyond that closed circle. Or maybe you'd continue life as a civilian, openly using your powers to help the people in your community. But what if you went on the run, using your powers to help those you come across but not going out of your way? Or maybe you'd go on the run, hiding your powers from everyone and constantly looking over your shoulder, afraid that someone will see or you'll get caught by something.
But, why are you running? The government only wants to employ you. It's for the greater good. You use your powers to help the people of your country, and you'll get paid. You'll get all the pay and benefits of a government worker as long as you're a good dog
Doesn't matter the power you get, I'm genuinely curious. Explain your answer?
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dorothywonderland · 2 months ago
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I started doodling greek gods, it's over for me. I have to accept that I'm officially addicted to epic the musical
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bonefall · 8 months ago
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I personally like Thunder's prosthetic. Explained it to my friend (who does use a mobility device, a cane and wheelchair, and listens to me rant and infodump about BB) and they agreed, it's important to know that not every person needs what someone wants to give them. It's another example of "bad ableist person does a thing that hurts a disabled person because they are bad and ableist".
Clear Sky got Jagged Peak killed and would have killed Sunlit Frost! He would absolutely force his disabled son to be "normal" and present it like a privilege. "I wouldn't do this for anyone else, it's special, why don't you want to be helped?"
Thunder Storm should toss it in Clear Sky's face. (I would say toss it into the river but we do not pollute waterways in this house)
Thank you for telling me this, and tell your friend I'm thanking them too! If they have anything else to add please forward what they have to say
Since BB!DOTC tackles some of the heaviest topics in the entire series because its canon equivalent is so dark, I think very carefully about what I do here and how I show it. I take feedback on its sensitive aspects very seriously. If I'm understanding the criticism properly, it's that I should avoid stigmatizing prosthetics by making sure Thunder Storm's not the only one with it-- which he's not! And I'll add even more.
I don't want to avoid something only because it's uncomfortable if the topic is important, and my portrayal is respectful. Ableism IS uncomfortable! There are some situations where a prosthetic is not wanted! I think the rejection of this particular one is both a good opportunity to show a type of ableism and ALSO is very fitting for the characters.
In BB!Clear Sky's mind, the villain, he's fixing an old mistake. He can't admit that he got Jagged Peak killed or take REAL accountability for it (though he will, occasionally, apologize insincerely), but deep in his bones, he knows what he did was cruel. He'll never tell anyone this because he doesn't really cognate it himself, but Thunder Storm NEEDS to take his gift.
If Thunder doesn't take it, it blows a hole in his newest story. You see, throwing Jagged Peak out was All That Could Have Been Done back then. It was a Tragedy and he simply Made A Hard Choice. He regrets it very much, But You Have To Understand.
But now? Now? Well, behold. Look at what he's accomplished since the tragic death of his little brother. His cats are well-fed, cared for, and stable enough to make such incredible advancements. If only Jagged Peak had been able to hold on longer, if only he could be here now, I could fix him.
Just like I can (MAKE YOU JUST LIKE ME) fix you.
"Everything I've ever done is for Jagged Peak. For Fluttering Wing. For you." Thunder Sky is SPECIAL, but if he rejects any gift, tries to turn down the "privileges" offered to him, in an instant that becomes ungratefulness and arrogance. He both forces him to be special, and then leverages it against him if it's rejected. "Spoiled brat, doesn't appreciate what I've worked so hard to give him."
It all goes back to him and his own guilt. He can NEVER be wrong. He can't accept his family doesn't have to be "normal" or reflect his own ability. He won't see himself as a bully, let alone a murderer. It was never about his son's comfort or finding out what Thunder Storm wants or needs, it was about his own ego.
...All that said I'm still taking feedback if there's anything else I should keep in mind, or if anyone has a counter point, especially if you also have experience here.
(In the interest of having a link trail for posterity, here's the critique/call for feedback this is in response to)
#ALSO also I will take suggestions on other characters who should have prosthetics#Sunlit makes sense and it will make a really nice character moment later for him to have one built#There's also an amputee in RiverClan few people talk about called Stonestream#I can give him one and bump him up into a bigger character. In BB he is the sibling of Willowshine#BB!DOTC#better bones au#Also just as a side note... I love writing BB!Skystar. My ire for the character comes from his redemption arc so I feel like I get to--#--write the character I WANTED to see#Same with Bramble in other BB arcs#cw ableism#tw ableism#ableism#They're fascinating in that they always have to see themselves as the victim or the hero#They believe every lie they tell.#If you ever catch them in a contradiction they will still try to find some way to turn it on you and YOUR lack of understanding.#Interestingly both of them are ableist. Sky's is just more obvious because he's LOUDLY bigoted.#But BB!Bramble is *notably* less close to Jay for a very sad and very subtle reason.#Jay just doesn't serve his ego like the others do until much later in his life.#unfortunately most bigotry is like that.#the type you have a hard time calling out because it's a deniable bias. the constant gaslighting of being part of a marginalized group#Maybe I need to address the criticism by adding a character with a prosthetic to THIS arc even earlier#Problem is that like... Thunder's small merc group is already full of disabled characters and their THING is forming in response to ableism#OH maybe I'll put someone in the Forest Cat group which is lead by Slash?#I need to finish that last book and then gather up all the cats for sorting into allegiances
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fellamarsh · 2 months ago
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another thing i've been trying to do recently is read more self-published stuff. "but fell," you say, "you're a self-published author. surely you've been reading self-published stuff all along" and then i laugh for so long in response we both become uncomfortable.
see, the fear (which has for a long time been killing my mind) that i'll read other self-published stuff and find out that it's so much better than mine that i might as well stop writing forever kept me from doing that basically ever. i have a hard time not unfavorably comparing my work to others and had convinced myself i was being smart by withholding an avenue of de-motivation (reader: i was not being smart). it also doesn't help that i'm pretty low income and have a hard time spending money on books i haven't already read, and that self-published stuff isn't always available at the library---but really a lot of it was just me being a coward. which i'm working on. i could talk about how this particular cowardice is Very Silly, but i think enough has been said about it on writeblr and in the Writing Space in general that i don't feel the need to (though i will if anyone wants me to).
instead, i wanna talk about the self-published things i have read in the past few months and ask about the self-published things you love!
so: what happened was i got real sick, and while i was real sick i (naturally) read over 200,000 words of ace attorney fan fiction in the span of a few days. eventually i got bored of it (and also maybe annoyed at how people were characterizing some of my guys), but i still wanted to read something gay and romantic and nice, something i knew was gonna end happily, which isn't my typical fare.
now you may be saying (having gotten over all the uncomfortable laughter from earlier) "fell, you write gay romance. what do you mean that's not your typical fare?" listen. until a couple months ago i hadn't read a cut and dry romance novel since before i finished college. for context: i graduated in 2015. i know it doesn't make sense. i'm a guy who doesn't make sense.
but in this case it worked to my advantage. not the not making sense thing, but the not having read Published Romance in 1000 years thing. I didn't know where to start. I was very skeptical of everything the library had Available Now in the Gay Fantasy Romance category. what if it was all bad and also not good?
and then i scrolled past the familiar cover of our very own @ashen-crest's A Rival Most Vial.
now this was comfortable territory! this was a novel by a very nice writeblr person whose posts i enjoy! i already loosely knew the plot, i was familiar with the characters, i knew the names of things like rosemond street and the griffin's claw and that ambrose had blue hair and that at the end of it all there would definitely be Boyfriends. i didn't have to worry that this would be bad! i only had to worry that it would be really good!
but i wasn't worried about that, because i was officially Not Writing at the time, and because why the hell hadn't i read this book yet Ash literally emailed me some very kind words last year when my cat died??
Y'all, I devoured ARMV. If you haven't read it yet---especially if cozy fantasy is more your thing than it is mine---you should check it out Immediately. It was fun! It was heartwarming! It was sweet and earnest and confident! I was delighted to find it was occasionally hot! Ambrose and Eli snuggled up into my sick exhausted heart and found a permanent little place there. (Especially Ambrose. I have such a thing for Stiff Guys who Kind of Suck for Tragic Backstory Reasons and are So So Lonely They Don't Even Realize It. gawd)
(And a very small part of my brain spent the whole time wondering why I had been so afraid to really engage with the work my community is doing. The community that I'm in. The one I'm a part of. Why?! Maybe more on that later.)
But from there the curse was broken! I immediately devoured @stjohnstarling's What Manner of Man in a similar sort of frenzy (and hooooly shit guys am I excited for the expanded, finalized version to come out at the end of next month!) and started digging into @lurinatftbn's The Flower that Bloomed Nowhere (which I can already tell is going to be an All Time Favorite).
And now I want to ask you what your favorite self-published books are so that I can read them, too, but I think I will in another post that doesn't dedicate so much space to talking about my various and sundry Issues and isn't Terminally Long
#my god the library. darling. beloved. breath of my life and heart of my soul.#i should make a post about her#also. and maybe i'll make a separate post about this at some point too#but i truly think the free serialized webnovel rough draft ala What Manner of Man is The Future#i should probably make a whole separate post about all these novels too tbh.#boutta become Posting Guy. The Guy Who Posts#and writes novels in the tags. but i've always been like that#i never talked about the dream i had where i was emry karic from the lutesong series did i? i totally meant to. fucked up!#so i had a dream where i was emry karic.#I (emry karic) was fleeing a bunch of elves in a forest with my mom and sister (who were fully my irl mom and sister)#they thought i had done a murder and were chasing me (emry karic) with spears and stuff. they almost caught me#but i managed to escape. later i came upon a weird old-timey fantasy carnival.#and for some reason one of the fun attractions at this carnival was A Day in Court#where you watch someone defend themselves in court.#you'll never guess who had to defend himself in court and what the charges were!#notably there were no other characters from the lutesong series involved.#and i also have yet to read any of the books in the lutesong series. emry and his flower crown simply invaded my brain out of nowhere#i thought about turning this post into separate posts or rewriting it or smthn because it's so long and all over the place but#that sort of defeats the whole trying to just post and not be so up my own ass about it that i never actually post thing#so here you go#if you are also someone who struggles or once struggled with reading other people's stuff because of self esteem issues. hi!#we're now spidermen pointing at each other
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tleeaves · 1 year ago
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The art is lovely and now I'm gonna ramble because that's what I do when I care about something.
For the love of women, please PLEASE can fan artists remember to add muscle to their Shadowhunter ladies? I'll commend Bowater for cleverly giving James that sculpted and lean look without making him a beefcake (nothing against beefcakes, I'd love to hug them), but Cordelia is once again suffering from Arms And Shoulders Too Slender It's Hard To Even Imagine Her Picking Up A Sword. There is some there, yes, but artists shouldn't be afraid of giving particularly Female Main Characters weight and toned muscle. Cordelia is supposed to be nearly the same height as James as far as I can remember, and she's curvy, and full, and she wields a sword like it's second nature to her. Please explain why she looks so tiny in James' lap.
Also I'm pretty sure marriage runes are supposed to go over the heart whenever possible (thinking about Will's parabatai rune being over his heart instead -- he didn't get Tessa to draw over the scar, did he??) and... either I'm looking at the picture wrong or James' rune is not over where his heart should be.
For the matter, where are their other runes and scars?? James' Voyance rune isn't even on his hand. And I'm pretty sure he's right handed. I could have that wrong though.
Another thing: no one can ever decide what Cordelia's hair looks like and it's the funniest thing to me. This is what happens when all you do is vaguely say the colour is like fire but also like rose petals but also a flowing river of those things but also is Red (probably for redhead, but then from there I never understand where the rose petal analogy comes from considering the typical rose is a deep bloody colour -- I do acknowledge the existence of those light orange varieties though which might more closely resemble red hair). In the end, I'm glad readers can infer what they want and imagine the characters how they like.
Anyone else think James looks like he's built like a tennis player? Oddly specific, maybe, but it was a thought I had. Mostly the arms and somewhat narrow body.
James' hair is nice, his eyes are an interesting take on gold in the shadows. Bowater managed to also make him look closely related to his father, so bravo for that.
In the end, the focus is obviously on the marriage runes and not other physical aspects outside of it being clear that this is James and Cordelia. Bowater's style is very beautiful and elegant. Love the way fabric and lighting is done too. I'll add also that it is possible to be a smaller person who is slender but still strong so I mean Cordelia's not necessarily done wrong, I just interpret her appearance differently. Obviously, they're both hot and they're both attractive and I have my qualms with the series, chronicles, and author -- the fandom I am so-so on, though I'm still here, aren't I? And I'm taking the time to ramble about my thoughts on a piece of fanart -- but this is good. Gorgeous, even. Both James and Cordelia are beautiful.
#side note: am I the only one who thought cc made a mistake trying to describe james as handsome in cordelia's eyes#as opposed to matthew being the beautiful one#when there has always been a deep and aching strange beauty to james??#james herondale#cordelia carstairs#vaguely crediting charlie bowater though it isn't like you can't find a dozen more copies of this with the credit#also yes I mercilessly picked this apart because I am still trying to find avenues to express my dissatisfaction with tlh#I search for flaws what else can I say#I am aware of it but it's hard to turn those thoughts processes off#maybe I'll write a post at some point all about the authors I once Loved that I am now deeply critical of#a lot of people would hate me for it but eh#also we all know about the marvelisation of cinema#but is it time to talk about the marvelisation of book series/worlds?#or perhaps it has a better and more book-focused name? the jkr approach? rick riordan's marvel-esque flaw? the sjm plague? the clare affair?#we'll workshop it#maybe it's the curse of middleschool-YA series and the issue of aginh readers in fandoms#and I don't mean this as discriminatory against anyone older in fandom because there is not really a limit nor should there be#for most media#but the issue of when the readers grow up amd authors try to accomodate for that -- not necessarily by making their work more adult --#but by making MORE because there is also an influx of new fans and they want to stay relevant while retaining the old#it's a whole thing though I'd need to sit down to properly organise my thoughts to talk about it
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marlynnofmany · 3 months ago
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I've been working on making a notes document for my own use, for the next time I need to format a book. It always seems simple at first, then more and more little annoyances pop up like a game of literary whack-a-mole. I'm hoping to make a more streamlined checklist of what things to do in which order.
I started on this document when I started formatting the current project (the yearly anthology for my local writers' club). It was very neat and orderly at first.
It was not by the end.
The end is all things like "consider doing the next book with the dang widows & orphans thing turned off" and "….aaaaaaaugh I didn’t update the TOC numbersssssss."
It's like one of those before and after photosets of someone's first day of college compared with their first day of finals.
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supersymmetries · 8 months ago
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i've finally reached the part in the semester where we're covering the second law of thermodynamics. matt bellamy we're in it together now
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unopenablebox · 9 months ago
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posting urge but nothing to post of
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seaofreverie · 2 months ago
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The Me who bought tickets to see TMBG in february 2023 and the Me who's going to actually go to the show next month are two completely different people
#slash extremely negative#it's funny to actually live this whole sort of cliche of: the time between buying tickets and going to the show can be so absurdly long#with what was supposed to be my 1st 'real' concert no less#'i bought the tickets as a teenager but i'm going to see them in my 20s etc' and stuff like that#and then when it gets rescheduled too... well. a year and 9 months is in fact a pretty long time!!!#and i'm not even talking about rescheduling due to covid because god at least i didn't have to deal with that i guess#(it IS funny though that by the time the 30th anniversary of flood tour ends#flood will be 2 months away from turning 35. so yeah lmao a lot happened in the meantime huh)#anyways day two of going crazy going insane for no reason other than well i guess that's just my life now!!!!! 😃😃😃#me when i say i'll stop documenting my rapidly progressing mental breakdown online and then keep doing it anyway#but idk maybe this will heal me in some way. my only hope rn no joke#and my mom actually seemed to be unsure if i we should book the hotels and stuff because. ig i'm this obviously unwell even over the phone#but BY GOD this is the only thing i can really look forward to right now i really need this to survive#(trying to forget how i was doing in september of last year when they rescheduled the tour#and i couldn't even be sure if i'd ever get to see them in the end lollllll#and at the heights of my tmbg obsession this was my number 1 dream. i mean it still is)#also i think i'm finally entering my tmbg autumn era now with some more frequent listening after not doing so for a while#how could i let myself pretty much forget that i love tmbg??? and that their music is so good and makes me happy???#they're still my fav band of all time just like they were back then. THAT didn't change at least#it's just that now they share that spot with sparks also lol. can't choose between them and why should i anyway#what else. ig i just hope i get the energy to finally draw tomorrow at least#because if i don't turn the ideas i have into reality then they will never become real! and that would be so sad#so maybe this can be my main reason to continue for now. whatever#goosepost
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queenerdloser · 10 months ago
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i've been trying to schedule a time to take my driver's test for literal months because i shit you not there have been literally zero appointments at any of the five (5) dmvs within 20m of me that offer the driving test. so i scheduled one at a place that's a literal hour drive bc i was like. well at least i have it on the books and if i have to drive an hour out there to do it so be it! but i've been regularly checking the website at odd times (as suggested by multiple people) for any cancellations.
and lo and behold! i just checked it (literally 2m ago) and there was an 8a open slot at a place 10m from where i live. i had to think about it for maybe about 30s or so (checking the map to make sure it actually is close to me, considering if anyone i know with a car would be available to take me over there to take the test at 8 fucking am in the morning) and by the time i convinced myself i might as well just do it the fucking appointment had already been snatched by someone else.
i get that dmvs are probably just as understaffed as anywhere else. but this is fucking untenable to me. like. how are you so understaffed that i have not been able to schedule this appointment for literal months (i have been regularly checking! since last fucking october!) at any of the places that are within a normal distance to where i live? why on earth are dmvs in fucking st. cloud somehow more available despite the fact that they only have one vs the like five within the twin cities limits? why are you not opening more slots/hiring more driving instructors to ensure that there is plenty of availability for this apparently so essential service that you are constantly booked up for it??? most importantly why is there not!!! a fucking dmv!!! that offers a driving test!!! actually in one of the twin cities? why are they only in the suburbs? i am chewing off my own arm, this whole process is incredibly frustrating and i can't believe i caught a lucky break for the first time in five months and lost it because i hesitated for less than one minute.
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rollercoasterwords · 2 years ago
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reading the first edition of whipping girl (2007) and getting to the last ch where serano talks abt her current observations on queer activism and then makes predictions abt what the future might look like
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well she certainly was right wasn't she!!!
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kjscottwrites · 2 years ago
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ok y'all this is probably unrealistic but I'm on the 9th chapter out of 37 in draft 2 edits and my goal is to be ready for beta readers by.... january which is going to require some intense focus but MAYBE i can do it....................... this is going to be my accountability thread:
Status: 8/37 done
The chapter I'm on currently is going to be a page one rewrite. It's one of only two chapters in the whole book that needs this, so getting past it will be a bit of a milestone. Wish me luck.
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vlindervin7 · 2 years ago
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rereading i’ll give you the sun (aka the ya book of all time) after years and years in honour of the fourteen year old inside me who used to love it so much 
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goldenliartrash · 7 months ago
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i only came to class today because i had an assignment to turn in and i work better in a classroom... but now i've done the assignment and there's still more than half the day left... what do i do...
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ereborne · 7 months ago
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Song of the Day: April 15
"Something in the Way She Moves" by James Taylor
#song of the day#it's been two weeks + two days since the last song of the day#the issue is you see that I started the songs up again in December because my insomnia was fucking up my perception of time#and I wanted some kind of regular marker to help me keep track#and then what happened two weeks + two days ago is that I lost all track of time and subsequently the songs of the day failed#I'm gonna see if I can keep up again for a bit now that I've re-restarted without an alarm on my phone#but if I miss any this week I'll just give in and turn the alarm back on#updates from the last two weeks are going to sound so chaotic let's see#I got a new project at work /and/ I got demoted /and/ I got added to a higher access level /and/ I'm in charge of a new database#yes all of those things together. I'm to be an accountant now! not instead but in addition to my other stuff. should be interesting#I didn't get April Fools off like I was scheduled to because all my scheduled vacation got unapproved#(I was here for about twenty nonsequential minutes to boop people and I'm glad I made time for it. extremely fun to boop)#I lied shamelessly to get eclipse day off and we went on a full-day roadtrip and it was wonderful. everything I dreamed and more#I killed one of my baby succulents through clumsiness and rabbits ate my pea plants but my sage and cabbages look promising#got a massive pot of mint flourishing on my porch and the horseradish is gorgeous#got Duncan lights and plants and a filter system for his frog tank but we haven't set up the substrate yet#so there's just potted plants sitting inside a terrarium. very amusing honestly#I've been playing a little Stardew and eating a /lot/ of hot sauce and tofu#drinking tons of klass aguas frescas--especially the soursop one. holy shit is it good. the mango and hibiscus also#and these past few days I've been sleeping better#for most of those two weeks I was getting a handful of twenty-minute naps each workday and then crashing unwillingly on the weekend#I haven't read any comic books since February :'( this weekend we're going to costco and then I'm reading comics until Monday#what have y'all been up to? I've missed being around#edit: oh shit the actual song part. anyway this is James Taylor! makes me happy and helps me settle. good vibes songs#I'm half-panicked about work all the time recently and then also today was tax day (Nick's taxes. blegh)#James Taylor doing some heavy lifting round here
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monster-noises · 9 months ago
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I love second hand book shops, I got to them frequently and always leave with Something and have a good time just peakin around
But i gotta say
It's one of the Worst spots for me in terms of imposter syndrome
I feel like everyone's uneasey with my presence as though i'm a stranger who just stumbled into their inner sanctum and they're.. they're gunna let me stay but they're gunna be weirded out the whole time and breath a sigh of relief when the Strange Unwelcome Freak Leaves
It also happens at record shops and sometimes at small antique shops or cons+festivals
Just this immediate foreboding of being Angrily Tolerated in a Space I Don't Belong
#monster noises#it's Incalculably stupid because 1) it's a store. anyone can go in there.#and 2) in all those locations... I do beling there!!!!!!!! not even in the sense of point 1 where it's a retail location but like!!!!#Book shops Record shops Antique malls Cons... are all like super 100% right up my alley nerd shit these Should be like '''''my people'''''''#which is i think a strong contributing factor to this pervasive feeling like#there's an underlying current of not just being in there to Shop but that i want the other people there to Like Me? I guess?#in our limited interaction?#i want them to see that i'm One Of Them and it makes me nervous#because whenever i am trying to be a Part of something i Immediately feel like some kind of isolated hollow fraud#like i'm worried that i not only Look like a poser#but that i Am#secretly#a Poser#so secretly that I don't even relaiE i'm a poser#it probably doesn't help that i also always have The most off-kilter interactions with the staff in these scenerios#it's never anything truly embarassing#but it's always like i try to be as nice as possible but their reaction is never what i expect#and it throws me off#it's a hard thing to pin down in words but like.. it feels like they are more than anything just Waiting for me to leave#if not from the get-go then from the moment i open my mouth to answer a question#and like idk !!! i'm trying so hard to be open and friendly and not just use canned response but also not be Too weird or too loud#and be engaged in conversation but it never works!#it's like i ooze some deeply unpleasant vibe and it turns everyone off me immediately when i enter their space#i'll see other customers having lovely conversations with staff and stuff and then when it's me it's like Cold#truly it does nothing for my self esteem#not everyone has yo or is going to like me but i really don't think it's too big an ask to not be scrutinized by store staff Constantly ;<;
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