#i should be working on never quit
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I should've uploaded this earlier. Anyways I'm entering my ✨ astrology era :✨
#i also did their myers briggs if anyone is interested#i'm normal i'm so normal <3#i should be working on never quit#it's not dead i'm making progress i just. the adhd is winning#so here i am with my little notebook writing shit down#also fun fact this is called i think i'm funny.png#because i do think i'm funny :3
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It's a time-honoured tradition- every time Sam comes across Izzy (and Ed) in their travels, he asks Izzy to marry him. And every time, Izzy turns him down.
At this point, Sam is asking more for the sake of it than any belief Izzy will ever say yes, a remnant of childhood dedication touched with 30 years of heartbreak and regret- though even now, a small part of him still holds out hope. Sam's promises have only got more extravagant over the years, from a job as his first mate, to a captaincy, a fleet at his command, a whole fucking island if that's what Izzy wants- but he knows it isn't though, not really. If Izzy was ever going to agree to marry him, to leave his life and go with Sam, it wouldn't be for anything Sam could offer him. Izzy never did care for flashy shows of wealth, for a ship or to be captain. The only thing that ever mattered to him was loyalty given, and loyalty shown in return.
It all comes to a head after Stede left and came back, after Izzy lost a toe, lost his leg. Sam hasn't seen him since before things with Ed started to really slide off the rails, before stress permanently set into the lines of Izzy’s face. So, when he sees a dishevelled man with a hoof for a leg in a no-name port, he doesn't even consider the idea that he might know him. It's only when he turns towards him, and Sam catches a glance at those oh too familiar tattoos, he realises this is Izzy, his Izzy, that stands before him.
Knowing Izzy's discomfort with pity, he doesn't treat him any differently than he would in years gone by, positioning himself in Izzy's line of sight before approaching and sweeping him up into a bone crushing hug.
“Israel-goddamn-Hands!” he exclaims, as Izzy grumbles back a begrudging “Samuel-fucking-Bellamy”, a tradition almost as old as their friendship itself. Izzy might not hug him back, but he can’t keep the corner of his mouth from twitching, just for a second.
(If Sam holds Izzy a little tighter and a little longer than usual, well. That's his business)
By the time Sam lets go, most of the crew has appeared in the town square, drawn in by the commotion. They may have given Izzy his leg and welcomed him as one of them, but still there’s an underlying tension, with nobody quite ready to set aside everything that happened before the Kraken. Seeing him cosying up to an unknown man sets everyone on edge, unsure whether to come to their first mate’s aid, or to assume that they've been betrayed once again.
When Ed sees that the yelling was Sam, his hand goes tense where it's held in Stede's. He knows the routine, has seen it more times than he can count, but as he watches them part he realises that this is the first time in a long time he's unsure of what Izzy's response will be.
Knowing that something’s different, knowing that Izzy's feeling vulnerable already, Sam doesn't go for the same flashy proposal he’s been giving for years. He doesn't promise Izzy the world, he doesn't cause a scene (or, any more of a scene than he already has, anyway). He looks at the fractured man in front of him, takes his face in his hands, and says the exact same thing to him he said when they were little more than boys. “Israel, I have to ask you. I know what you'll say, but I have to try. Come with me. Marry me and sail away with me. I'll keep you safe”
And Izzy… hesitates. He glances over at Ed, at Stede, and says to Sam “...We’re staying in port for a week. Ask me again then”
That's the moment Sam knows there is something deeply, horribly, wrong. He's not just looking at an Izzy who got seriously injured in a fight and is struggling to cope, this is something so much bigger than that- and that Ed has something to do with it. Izzy wouldn't even be considering leaving if he didn't. Whether it was negligence or something more sinister, Sam doesn't yet know, but he intends to find out.
#i feel like the little paragraph about the crew is real clunky and out of place but i wanted some kind of establishment of where those#dynamics are at. its important that the crew is something for izzy to consider in his decision; but also that their relationship isnt so#solid he would stay for them alone; yknow?#im sorta aiming for a s2e5 era but like. early in those themes. he cant be all sorted yet i need him to be struggling#anyway this is part of a much larger scenario in my head that im never ever doing anything with but i wrote THIS bit in a daze in like. jun#and i got thinking about it again and i think?? it holds its own as a 'hey think about THIS' snippet. idk you decide#youre welcome to interpret this as solo bellhands but in my head it Has morphed into sam/izzy/ed/stede#because i cant not put edizzy in things any more. izzy has two hands#i also think the comedy potential of one of your boyfriends HATING your other boyfriend is gold. 10/10 dynamic#stede is mostly along for the ride in this but also i think they need him#aaaaand. the sam/ed bracket i think can only be closed in exceptional circumstances. i think they 'hate' each other too much#...which is WHY someones getting kidnapped!!! yay#anyway its all irrelevant because ill never write it out. i can do silly chill things but thatll require work#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#israel hands#sam bellamy#bellhands#i wanna also say. the general concept of repeated sam proposals has been floating around my head forever#it used to be a more silly thing like i referenced at the start but. s2 gave me angsty feelings i guess#i cant not have izzy have feelings for ed right now which inherently adds layers to Any bellhands scenarios i think.#but yeah. its a Classic Bellhands vibe for me. sam seeing izzy at sea or on shore and asking him to marry him (again)#i like to do this with jackie too. i think i just want that man to be obnoxiously desired#(theres also layers of my personal hornigold era lore built into this but i hope it holds up without u knowing it. tldr. sam lost izzy by#being an idiot n fumbling the bag. thats what matters. izzy went with ed and sams been trying to fix it ever since)#i probably should have readmore'd this but i didnt think it was Quite long enough. or had a good break point. sorry <3
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au where the el tigre tiger spirit is an ancient and sort of prehistoric spirit in the wildest reaches of the ghost zone, and the belt allows it to like... 1/4 possess someone (just giving them some extra powers [including retractible chain hands?? ghosts, idk] without affecting their personality)
#el tigre#nicktoons unite#as a result of this El Tigre is very hard to possess. theres already someone in there. get your own meat puppet skulker#mannys still 100% susceptible to overshadowing lol its a nontransferable skill#man i just think danny n manny should get an Explore the ghost zone episode#maybe precipitated by the belt not working.. manny grappling with the possibility that he may never be able to be El Tigre again...#or manny getting 100% possessed channeling the tiger spirit..something that existed millennia before good and evil..super powerful but fera#but also if normal El Tigre possession gives you just like a scoch of tiger spirit. like youve had a single shot of whiskey#el tigre is just a little more intense focused and scary than manny.. not enough to really notice unless you pay attention#also i had literally nothing else i wanted to work on so i put hours of sauce into this while staying up for work OTL#i wayyyy overdid it lol i shouldve quit an hour ago. so it goes#please admire my badly drawn tiger and excruciatingly drawn stripes... please clap
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i have a theory about shinji, gin, and aizen, but i'm not really sure how to word it.
we never really see shinji and gin interact all that much, which makes sense bc both of them have significantly more important relationships with aizen, but at the same time it's a little odd how much there isn't.
like. gin cut hiyori in half. shinji is understandably pissed about that, but he aims that anger at aizen - and this seems to be one of the very few things in the bleach world that honestly isn't on him bc he never told gin to do that, he never even implied it. hiyori was never a threat to him. hell, we don't even know if she was charging in the right direction; if anything, attacking her implies that she was which is a really stupid thing to do when you're surrounded by a bunch of people who super want you dead and would kill you if they could be sure you weren't tricking them into stabbing each other (ofc it could also be a fakeout but still)
but i don't remember shinji's beef ever really being with gin, even tho he didn't seem to anticipate that gin was working with aizen the whole time during tbtp. so like does he feel responsibility there? cuz gin went straight from academy to 3rd seat and shinji could plausibly feel like that sent him right to aizen bc he doesn't know that gin was always aiming for that. did he blame himself? does he feel like he should've seen it coming? does he still see him as some weird genius kid? does he just view gin as an extension of aizen, which is both dehumanizing to an extent but also entirely fair bc gin did that to himself?
the thing is, since we never really see them interact much, it's kind of only interesting on shinji's side of things, bc gin doesn't really care about much outside of whatever the fuck he thought he was doing and the version of rangiku that he has in his head who needs back something that the real one doesn't ever seem to have realized she lost to begin with. gin's so disconnected with basically everybody that most of the time you can usually assume his thoughts are just "lol. lmao" and there's no reason to think that doesn't extend to shinji as well (gin has deep thoughts on: aizen, ichigo, and matsumoto (massive asterisk on that one ofc) and i think everyone else is kinda set dressing to him lmao the guy is Fucked Up)
anyway i think it's interesting to toy around with that relationship as it was in reality as well as how it might've been perceived, but also in the sense of both of them being sort of opposite ends of the manchild spectrum - shinji leans into his childish side but still has a fairly adult worldview, and gin is able to pull off maturity to an extent but was never able to escape a deeply childish mindset
#bleach#meta#hirako shinji#ichimaru gin#aizen sousuke#sarugaki hiyori#matsumoto rangiku#kurosaki ichigo#this whole post should also come with a huge asterisk that i'm deeply critical of gin's backstory in general and usually try to ignore it#but. since it is canon. it is a part of this post#and yes btw kira is absolutely included in the ''lol. lmao'' part of gin's fucked up little head#i should also note that to shinji it's very possible gin's situation looks like. uh. well grooming kinda#so he might view gin as a victim that he could've saved but can't anymore bc. well. he has jackass-itis now and it's terminal sad to say#but seriously the fifth division was involved with the academy right?#so this super genius kid comes out of nowhere. graduates in a sixth of the usual time. jumps into one of the highest ranks available.#third seat mysteriously went missing juuuuust in time for gin to snatch that seat up too. quite the coincidence#so now he's suddenly aizen's immediate subordinate. and seems to get along with him better than you'd expect for a brand new graduate.#but aizen worked in the academy - he was a hugely popular teacher#so maybe shinji saw gin trotting along behind aizen in the middle of getting hollowfied and thought ''well shit that's on me''#it wasn't ofc. there was no way he could've known or done anything and neither gin nor aizen would've let him know enough to try#but he doesn't know that himself and unless aizen decides to share then he just. never will#and gin will never care bc he fucked himself up so badly idk if he even really knew how to care anymore
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uuh can i get the rusame apology special to go? yes the one with no "sorry" pronounced, that's right. and fries.
#don't let ame in the last panel fool you he's secretly quite happy.#sigh. sasha is just russified amechan. for seriousies. i saw it somewhere on tumblr when i was in middle school and i never let go of it...#slop#aph russia#aph america#rusame#russia takes minute damage and thinks you know what would make me feel better. america sadcute. and then he gets it and it's like#sniffles this is too good. now i get to unsad him myself. meanwhile ame is discovering the wondershorrors of how a brain works.#there's a more something happening here than ame wearing rus clothes and rusame banter but it's too like.#i can't explain it. but it's more to me. this guys is a little. yk#can't remember drawing rus neck bandages before. maybe i should. i don't think he wears them often though.#i should be shot#oh and ive seen sasha happening in a fic before. apart from My idiot fic. it rocked. can't find it anymore🤦♂️#myart
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Ay. An offer; one doodle of lovelie for the price of answering my question 🦅
Eh? Eh?— Anyways my question is; what’s an art tip you can give that really helped you? Anything special when drawing or do you just have a hand of god?
(Btw your one of my favorite artists and I love seeing your work homie, number 1 inspo fr. Keep on cookin 🦅💞)
WAHHH THEY LOOK SO SCRUNGLYYYY (despite his many, m a n y crimes)
#Also art tips?#One of them is don't follow some of my footsteps they are unhealthy LMAOOOO#Like me pushing through despite my artblock? Very unhealthy it can lead to a unhealthy relationship with art#Ya deserve breaks when your mind and body tells you you need it! Art should be a comforting experience!#No matter how long it takes smhh#I remember my partner had a really bad art block for like a year but they are still going strong with their art! Never feel discouraged!#Also another one is sometimes a messier lighter sketch is better for more dynamic pieces#If ya work too hard on your base it can lead to your piece feeling flat and too stiff#Go crazy go stupid! You might be surprised with what you can accomplish!#Don't be afraid to go outta your comfort zone with art stuff! You might find details you quite enjoy! HUZZAH!#Also also I fuggin love the liddol beetle doodles on the side of her LMAO SO TEENSY TINY#I'M SO HAPPY YA GAMERS ENJOY MY DUM LIDDOL ARTS IM JUST A LIL GUY BDJDJDJDJD;;;;
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erm HAPPY BIRTHDAY @vellichorom!!! THIS ART LAS LOWKEY BEEN IN MY WIPS FOR LIKE HALF A YEAR BAHAH. I sent an anon asking if I could draw goreguts and proceeded to not draw goreguts anyways the past is in the past HERE THEY ARE NOW. Sorry JT could have been more cleaned up but I got a *tad* lazy. I still really enjoyed this piece
(rosemary belongs to @tomiechu!)
#Blablabla#HAPY BRTHDAY#rickety’s art#tsp#tsp narrator#narrator tsp#the stanley parable#goreguts#Cw gore#tw gore#gore#the intestines were fun to draw#never get to draw someone’s insides nowadays.. sigh#Drawing them was quite fun I should draw Thierry more often#Also I’ve been pronouncing it “theory” this entire time you’re telling me it’s NOT SAID RHAT WAY.. /JOKE#Drawing him was reeeally fun I’ve been thinking about it for a while. He works well in my style
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5 Underrated Things or Tactics That May Aid Bell's Hells to Victory
Spoilers up to Campaign 3 Episode 116 below
Well Critters, it all comes down to this.
Vox Machina dismantled the Malleus Keep, killed Ozo (the Bozo) Kruft, and freed the Champion of Ravens which removed the tidal lock on Ruidus, and now the Mighty Nein have disintegrated the Weave Mind, completing essentially a full dismantling of the Kreviris Imperium, all of which quicker than I anticipated. All that's left is the Hallowed Cage, where Ludinus Da'leth and his inner circle are using his harness to try and fully destroy Liliana Temult. Bell's Hells begin a race against time to save her, but also a race to defeat Ludinus before he unleashes his intentions unto Exandria and its Pantheon with Predathos, and then decide for themselves what they do with the God Eater.
Suffice to say, and I dunno about everyone else but, I am terrified. I believe they can win but Ludinus is not to be underestimated, this second harness means he may be stronger - and he was already the strongest wizard alive - and have access to more powers compared to his simulacra, plus Predathos may come during or after this battle, which can put the Hells in a weakened state. Matt has likely prepared his best and worst for this final battle too, but the Hells aren't Lv. 20 combatants like the other groups; there's no 9th level spells, no Divine Intervention, and the group lost their cleric ~20 episodes back, so even though VM and the Nein were ultimately successful within 1-2 episodes having to use both of their auto-succeed Divine Interventions from their two clerics in the process, this is the battle. And with that is a ridiculous amount of tension for Ludinus and for what comes after. For all we know, the cast may've already recorded ahead enough to have finished the final fight, maybe even finished the campaign (though I hope not, partly because I don't want it to end yet but also I feel like the dawn of the new era should be explored regardless of what choice the Hells make, plus some characters could use a bit more resolution after the big fight and the pressure of stakes and time sensitivity have been alleviated) but for us it's a nervous wait, and a wonder of what can be done to win and what choice will be made to determine the future of Exandria, Ruidus, their faith and their people. So, this is my indulging into that first part, 5 lower-key things or tactics that might not have been initially thought of that could make things easier to defeat Ludinus.
Liliana, the Inner Circle, and the Arcane Battery Provided that the Hells make it in time to stop Liliana from being totally destroyed by the harness (which is very possible since Laudna does have that tracking spell on him since Aeor, it's all about speed and not running into enemies) she will still be without her magic to fight. Ludinus' inner circle holding her down is comprised of Reilorans but also other Ruidusborns, and that's something the Hells can expose. Liliana cannot fight, but Ruidusborns can take spell slots from each other, so Liliana and any KO'd Ruidusborns from the inner circle can be used as spell slot fuel for Imogen and Fearne. Ludinus also gave a 9-slot fully-charged Arcane Battery to the Hells in order to trigger Delilah within Laudna for his escape, the battery can help recharge Laudna's slots too which makes this tactic handy for the witches of the group.
Dunamancy One of Ludinus' most important tools for his plan has been Luxon Beacons, a device able to unravel even divine magic, but much like the Harness it can prove his undoing. Dunamancy hasn't been touched upon as much as early C3 hinted it could have, but for lack of a better phrase, the possibilities are still endless. The Hells have multiple Potions of Possibility at their disposal to aid with rolls, but they also were given a Sphere of Dunamantic Restoration by the Kryn, which will trigger the effects of a Short Rest and a health and spell slot recharge - which can be handy in a pinch and to reuse some once per short rest abilities. Ashton is the key factor though, I've mentioned it a few times already but we don't know if these items will behave differently with them, via their own internal dunamancy abilities. Given the unknown factor, that's why it's not deemed as much of a tactic as it is a Hail Mary, but it is one that could lead to Ludinus' own magic unraveling, and maybe even Predathos' too
The Whirling Dervish & Conditional Advantages In Vassalheim, Dorian received his family sword: Gambolcleft, the Vortex Blade. One of its yet to be used abilities involves a once a day repetitive use of striking an enemy, similar to how Ozo killed Vex, provided that they attack with Disadvantage. Dorian is already looking at a high attack roll given Gambolcleft's +3 to attack and hit rolls, and Master's Flourish means he doesn't have to use a Bardic Inspiration to stack a Blade Flourish (Defensive Flourish is probably best, the damage is also doubled by Gambolcleft), the only quibble is the disadvantage. Fortunately, most of the Hells have skills that can force Ludinus into conditions where attacks would do advantage on him: stunning and rendering him prone being most likely, but paralysis is possible if a Hold Person is successful. It would of course require his Legendary Resistances to be used up first, but if Ludinus gets stunned or knocked prone within Dorian's range, Gambolcleft could easily carve its way through him with continual hits, stacked potentially by Bless and Mark of the Messy End, for perpetual damage and make Dorian himself impossible to hit on his next turn. Stunning or Proning Ludinus also leaves Ludinus at the vicious mercy of the martial players, especially for conditions that auto-crit when hit.
The Hole (or the Bag of Holding) Occam's Razor. An old but gold tactic of the Hells could very easily be used against Ludinus too. The portable hole or the bag of holding are devoid of air, left in one long enough with it sealed would mean suffocation as have been the fate of many of the Hells' past opponents that they didn't have time to deal with. The Hole's downside is that a Strength check can lead to a creature forcing their way out, but the Hells do have plenty of skills that can impose disadvantage on Strength rolls and the aforementioned conditions could help that, Ashton's Hammer may also make it more difficult to unfold the Hole if its Immovable Rod is propped atop of it - but that'd be down to Matt's discretion. The Bag of Holding doesn't have the strength save, but it is smaller so it may not be able to fit him in it. I'm not sure if Ludinus can use Gate to escape either, dunno if that leads to the whole extradimensional rip thing that happens if you open one while in the other, but if he does it's a concentration spell so the Hells could just keep knocking him back from the other side, a bigger group of enemies in either also reduces the time needed before they suffocate.
The Harness and the One-Chance Polymorph Right now Ludinus is using a harness to destroy Liliana, comparing it to the one in Moleasmyr it'll potentially take about an hour to finish the process providing that this factor wasn't improved upon. However, removing magic within a being for a whole day only required a minute of contact in the Hells' one and maybe Ludinus', thus his creation and reason for long life and power can also be the key to his downfall. Holding Ludinus down for a minute is of course not as easy as it sounds but that's where Polymorph can come in. Polymorph lasts at most an hour, so as long as Ludinus is changed into a creature that can easily be restrained they can use the harness on it and remove Ludinus of his entire arsenal in order to finish him off without the risk of his high level spells. The tricky part is getting Polymorph to succeed; Wisdom is after all a Wizard's bread and butter, but there is a single gambit that could make it work. It requires all Legendary Resistances to be gone of course, and for Laudna and Braius to be conscious; Braius has a once per long rest ability to change a Wisdom saving throw to a Charisma one, which he used to allow Dorian to succeed in making the Dominox dance in the live show, Laudna's Void Puppet can force disadvantage on saves to those within 5ft of it, which will negate his magical resistance to just a clean roll. Orym can also use Hex to impose a disadvantage, which may be able to stack, but this would also hinge on Ludinus' charisma not being super high and if the Polymorph fails once it will likely not be able to be tried again.
The fight won't be easy, but there are avenues that can make it less dangerous, a strategy is very much required for such a foe. All the while my strategy remains keeping up the prayer circle. Deep breaths everyone.
#critical role#c3 spoilers#campaign 3#bells hells#c3#c3e116#cr spoilers#cr speculation#ruidus#ludinus da'leth#liliana temult#cr meta#also reminder Imogen/Ashton need to plant that brood pit for the All Minds Burn somewhere on Ruidus#can you tell I'm panicked because I'm panicked I just want them all to be safe#VM and the Nein were successful and that's great but also it feels like they succeeded too well...Matt and his machinations are waiting#I'd love for Ludie to get the Zathuda treatment but he is likely the final boss if Predathos isn't so it's gotta be big and tense and such#and the after part is terrifying to me too because I do not think that thing should be let out - it can't stay on Ruidus either though#gods can quit being gods without Predathos as an excuse#Many gods helped in the VM and M9 fights too that should be acknowledged - the dynamic has to change but maybe not via death or exile#risking our own for them is not gonna work - Matron won't leave and new gods not on the menu like Artie will take their place if they die#I'd say they must see that but since they're all winging it we can only know in the decisive moment - it'll likely fall to Imogen's choice#I guess it's good storytelling that it can all go either way but it's very difficult to function when I'm picturing 100 different scenarios#you all are welcome to join me in the prayer circle#added notes: titan powers aren't on the list but I'm hoping to see more stuff because Matt did give them a piece of paper full of abilities#really hope the cast just quickly looked through their characters' skills items and abilities before the big upcoming fight#never know what will come in clutch
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the main problem other than my country (NOT AMERICA🇭🇺) being a corrupt fascist shithole is that if i stay in the same place doing the same thing for too long i start going insane like just the idea of having to do another year of uni makes me want to gnaw at the bars of my cage that doesn't exist. slow tigers chasing me etc. but like 1) i need a degree 2) i need to get out of the country asap 3) having a degree would help me to/when i get out 4) i cannot bear the thought of buckling down and doing my work til mid 2026 like oh my.god. taking a gap year is definitely helping i literally only spent like 2 weeks of this semester in my house but like i need my entire life to be like that not just a few months of it. maybe i should work as a steward on a plane or smtg i dont KNOWW
#like im going crazyyyyyy i cant handle being in the same place doing the same thing for#more than like a few months at most. 2 or 3 or god forbid even more semesters of uni is actually sickening#I've completed 4 so it should only be 2 more but it's gonna be 3 coz i have to make up for the one i missed#the worst part is that im never gonna work in the field my degree is in it sucks ass#like the topic is rly interesting but the field and the work is atrocious i aint doing that#i dont regret picking it i met a lottttt of awesome ppl and i got to go to a bunch of random ass places#but i already have like 0 motivation to work towards anything ever especially when it's smtg i know I'll never use#I'm just gonna have to grit my teeth and get through it but i cannottttt do it while living at home like I'd die fr#i think that's what the compromise is gonna have to be like either they let me move out and i#finish uni or i quit uni and move abroad alone with no degree and no prospects#i mean i'll move abroad and get disowned no matter what but it'd be nice to do it with a degree#barking
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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ngl it makes me want to die a little bit that it's so often trans people who feel that sex is mutable but oppression is always-forever based on asab in ways that allow them to demand that information from other trans people. like it feels fucking bad. it feels bad when it's people holding up someone who posts a lot of selfies as transition goals to a degree they have to clarify what they have or haven't done or what "direction" they're going in, it feels worse when people are out there like "caster semenya is not tma" or whatever the fuck. i am, as always, not a trans woman, but here's a sentiment echoed by many of the trans women around me who log the fuck off, quoted directly from one: "people who draw a clear line where they say that semenya or khelif are tme and then call me tma are just calling me male at this point".
like i get it. i really do. we seek community and shared experiences, and we feel betrayed when people have less in common with us than we thought they did. [*more on this later.] but that's not those people's faults and my god in the case i'm seeing play out on twitter rn this poor person did absolutely nothing to intentionally mislead people, just posted pictures of their actual kid self. who looks a lot like i did, because shockingly enough "we can always tell" doesn't fucking work for trans people either!
on the one hand i move in intersex circles which are unapologetically welcoming in cis "dyadic" people with pcos, because it serves nobody to draw a clear line where mutilation or genetics or some ineffable childhood suffering are what make somebody intersex, especially when most of us (esp in places like nz) have never been karyotyped and are being treated for symptoms without a pinned-down cause anyway. the more of us there are the stronger we are, the more pressure we can exert on a medical profession which doesn't like to consider how common outliers are, how uneasy sex is at all. and then on the other hand there's dyadic trans people on the internet who've yelled me out of spaces because a couple of traumatised incarcerated trans women i worked with as a prison abolitionist assumed i was also a trans woman and i didn't immediately tell them my entire csa-involved history of being sexed in varying ways as an infant and child and/or exactly how big my phallus was at birth or where in my junk config my urethra lives so they could decide i was tme or whatever.
returning to the * for a related but not identical thought: i think presuming shared experiences leads to some fucked shit in general! "oh we all had a radfem phase" or "oh we all were channers" no we fucking weren't and it's particularly obnoxious when me & mine are trying to build trans community locally to organise and resist the growing wave of far-right backlash against our existence, and there's just white people in there on a spectrum from "straight up being antisemitic and trying to get the n-word pass" through "handwringing about how they need to make space for people who aren't politically correct" to "handwringing about how brown people are right to be mad at them but doing shit fuckall". and then the other fucking brown people in the space are on some identity politics shit where they're like "trans joy inherently excludes those of us who could get deported" or "big city white queers are killing us by being visible instead of going stealth bc it stirs up the discourse" or whatever the fuck i've heard pulled out this year. there's a bunch of reasons i primarily organise outside of trans spaces and that's one of them. i've never felt more alone in spaces where people claim we're all the same than being left as the brownest moderator or organiser in a space full of people to whom "this is a safe trans space" apparently means they get to abdicate all other responsibilities not to lapse into presumed shared patterns that are fucking racist or otherwise alienating. i've never felt more alone than surrounded by exclusively trans people who sort people into boxes and assume everyone in those boxes has the transition goals they have. like i was on cypro until it disagreed with me to the point of endocrine crisis and now i'm on t and at both those points people were so fucking presumptive or entitled to my reasons or journey or personal relationship w my body
literally just submitted on (and was invited to consult on) the nz law commission's review of the human rights act and like. it's straight up fucked how many nz trans people fully do not comprehend that any "sex assigned at birth" type definitions fundamentally exclude migrants who have no way of proving it and many intersex people who happen to have been reassigned later or many times or never assigned at all as a baby. we can't make law with this shit and that's why we have to have symmetrical protections for all genders/sexes/expressions/presentations, bc naming and defining a protected class here often leaves the people who already are left out from those shared experiences of marginalisation out in the cold when they face violence
#reblogs turned off because obviously i'm already bracing to be pilloried for saying one thing not quite correctly or whatever#and also bc i have zero interest in having this be boosted by trans dudes on their own transandrophobia agenda either#i'm just venting#but frankly the first time i got yelled at for saying that as an intersex person some of the immense violence i experienced as a child#was motivated by transmisogyny#i was a teenager and it was someone a fair bit older than me with more local clout so like. it's been a decade. how is it worse now.#intersex spaces have made SO much progress and yet#also yes i'm femme! i'm femme in a trans way! many dykes who aren't women are!#many of us got more comfortable w it as adults who had gender agency!#in literally the same way it took my wife ages after transitioning to work out she's also butch and doesn't actually want to do femme thing#bc that's a shared experience in how we've navigated the expectations of womanhood before opting out of the parts we don't want!#anyway the lawcomm shit was fucked bc honestl i don't give a shit if someone lost their gonads as an adult in an accident#they should be protected even if they don't consider themselves intersex#and we know that gender as an axis of oppression comes back to the reproduction of the nuclear family#and that cis women who can't have kids sometimes become the political football though ofc not as much by far and like#idk. y'all ever heard about solidarity? sometimes i feel like i'm back in the place where the loudest traumatised person at the party#is yelling at another young woman like “you'll never understand what it's like to be a victim”#when said young woman was assaulted the week before.#a politics that starts by defending and defining oneself w oppression kinda fucking sucks actually#and intersex people stopped policing intersexness by who got mutilated a long time ago#bc actually we want the generations ahead to not get that treatment#and when i see “trans elders” going on about how “if you pass and got on hrt before 18 you're not trans like i am” i'm like. why! what!#anyway. tired.#may regret this. we shall see#tony muses
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Divorce Saga Domon - A Haunted Honk Prequel
Hello Internet Stranger looking up G Gundam on Tumblr dot com!
This is an idea for a fic set in an Alternate Universe involving Queer Non-Canon Relationships between the characters of the series.
If you are not looking for this content please scroll on.
If you ARE looking for this content - and you're ok with reading my and other's Headcanons for this Alternate Universe I've haphazardly spun up -
Then go ahead and feel free to:
Check The Tags Of This Post For The Pairings
and click the Read More below!
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Ended up outlining a completely different fic as a Segway for an explanation instead of making progress on the Royal Flush Haunted Honk AU's Clown Motel Fic like I wanted to but uh....
For y'all's review for the AU: A Prequel Outline - Divorce Saga Domon
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Hey real quick - I'm thinking of maybe changing the timeline to 2 years post canon as opposed to 3 years and change post canon.
The reason being: I had a thought that this scene could either be part if the fic or if it's getting to big then it could be a stand alone tie-in prequel fic as part of this AU but - like
Immediately Post Divorce Domon Needs Space and runs off. As one does. And he runs to Earth because he just wants to Get Lost for a while.
He has Argo smuggle him out to avoid detection.
Argo has Andrew help stow Domon in a storage hanger of a Neo Canadian supply ship that's returning to the US - they have trade often enough and share agricultural resources - which leads to Domon ending up in New York when he hits Earthside pavement.
He's privately worked on his English the last couple of months and after being dropped in New York with a different hairstyle, outfit, and accent he's unrecognizable.
He considers making his way west to get some solitude in the wilderness, but something about that initial plan feels off now that he's on the ground.
Chibodee is also Earthside for a special series of prize fights aimed at raising charitable appeal for the US in the eyes of Neo Americans.
Domon decides to hit up Chibodee for a fight on a day between matches hoping it'll clear his head and give him the clarity to decide on a course of action. What ends up happening is an unexpected heart to heart via blows and a breakdown.
Domon is happy for Rain and Kyoji, and he knows it's not true; but he feels like he lost a piece of himself when his relationship with Rain fell apart.
Domon's instinct is to run after that but Chibodee knows this city and Domon doesn't hide out for long before Chibodee drags him back to his place to stay and just "Chill out and breathe. You don't have to be anyone but yourself here. You can take as long as you need to find out what everything changing means for you." Friends and teammates stick together.
So Domon spends a few weeks with Chibodee sparring and hanging out in New York. Chibodee does a frankly awesome job at containing his feelings because he's focusing on Domons feelings and being a good friend first and foremost. Whatever he's feeling can wait until after Domon is done going though it.
There's a bit of a twinge in Domon's heart as he leaves that he can't really place.
After he returns to Neo Japan and gets settled back into life with his family, The Dreams start.
They're mainly set in New York. Small things first like noticing Chibodee's smile and his eyes. Then sparring sessions that begin to turn lurid.
He thought these kinds of dreams would stop after he was married.... he doesn't know what to do about this.
I just figure it gives more clarity and sense of time for the journey from Comphet Marriage Dissolution to Feelings to Confession. Idk.
But I got stuck on a bit and then had this thought and needed to get it down before I lost it and it was so long it made sense to make it its own post as opposed to several replies.
The Maize and Clown Motel will probably still be 3 years and change post canon for clarification.
@thedragonchilde @amplexadversary @youreaclownnow
#Domon Kasshu/Chibodee Crocket#Royal Flush#Chibodee Crocket/Domon Kasshu#Royal Flush Haunted Honk AU#mobile fighter g gundam#I imagine he hasn't had time for a Big Gay Crisis yet but the time is absolutely now#Kyoji absolutely helps him through this crisis because he had a normal environment and university to figure his own shit out.#Kyoji has to figure out WHY Domon is imploding and explosive and avoiding everyone a second time though.#This doesn't seem related to the Divorce but it doesn't seem immediately obvious either. 🤔#Cue Schwarz FINALLY getting a fucking break and immediately coming to stay with Rain and Kyoji at their place.#Domon was aware that they had been living together in Neo Japan briefly before Schwarz was called back to Neo Germany for questioning#Once his rank was stripped of him he was back with Kyoji for a short period before the Divorce as part of Kyoji and Dr. Kasshu's study of#DG Cells. Once they had a breakthrough - Schwarz was sent abroad with a small military group and Doctors Without Borders group to assist#With immediate infection cases on behalf of Neo Japan as part of reparations. So Domon hadn't seen him in quite some time.#Domon certainly wasn't expecting to see him in the garden when he rounded the corner of the Mikamura residence#Leaned over Kyoji who appears to have been working outside on his laptop. Fingers intertwined a hand on Kyojis jaw and locked in a kiss.#Which ends pretty much instantly as they sense Domon and break apart. It occurs to Kyoji and Schwarz that Kyoji never#Got the chance to actually tell Domon much about himself and the man he'd grown into while Domon was training in Hong Kong with Master Asia#This might be a pretty significant shock to him.#I can't decide between Domon running from his Gay Revelation or IMMEDIATELY Losing His Shit at the thought of Rain's SECOND marriage ending#And knowing for sure now the reason why his and Rain's marriage didn't work out. He really does prefer men.#Bu HOW DARE Kyoji do this to her!!! She's been through enough!!!! This will HURT her SO BADLY!!! (Projection of guiiillllttt)#Back to square 1 fir a moment like damn#And once he starts fighting Kyoji about it (Thank God the ressurection gave them the option to make Kyojis new build similar to Schwarz's)#It comes out that Rain cant go through this AGAIN and he won't let him do this to her! Her honor means something to Domon#And it should mean something to Kyoji too as HER HUSBAND#Kyoji and Schwarz catch on the Again bit and Kyoji makes it clear that Rain has known about his situation with Schwarz since they returned#That they're quite literally inseparable and that Rain married him knowing this. She's fully aware and an active participant.#Domon takes a leg sweep and doesn't quite make his recovery as Schwarz steps in#Pinning his arms and one leg in place so he can't run from Kyojis question. Kyoji grabs Domon's hair to turn his head and asks
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'Radical feminist' is a role you have to perform and actively work towards not a label you can identify into. Lest any of y'all have forgotten: we are meant to be examples to the women and girls around us that you can exist and have a fulfilling life while defying patriarchal teachings and practices.
#lily responds#I don't expect any of you to be perfect feminist. but there should be a few tenants you can name you uphold visibly and openly#some of y'all don't do shit but hang out on radbler and act like that makes you a radical feminist. honey that makes you an orbiter.#a supporter at best#I'm so tired of in action being defended as actual feminism just because y'all agree with a lot of the shit we say.#its okay to be an ally. we need allies. quit pretending like you deserve to be at the table when you've done none of the work to earn it#this isn't about the other drama I've commented on. this is about watching some of y'all defend never reading a bit of the literature or#doing a slightly challenging feminist action in your life. half of y'all won't even talk to your friends about radical feminism.#you're just not a feminist because you're not an activist. you're doing no actions
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video game realism for me peaked with the early 2000s attempts with photo textures stretched over still kind of primitive blocky models, that one's really fun.
#so everyone has like. incredibly lifelike skin and hair and stuff but they're just cubes.#it should be uncanny. and sometimes it is. it works very well in horror games/areas' favour for both that reason#and limitations meaning your brain has to fill in a lot of detail which can make things more unsettling#but I do generally prefer it to the uncanniness of photorealistic humans that never move quite right#technically impressive but just feels off to look at
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friendly reminder this fandom isnt a job and you don't have to actively work to 'save the show' all the time, you can just have fun
#i saw a post earlier that was basically#'ok i see us all having fun but lets get back to show saving as well'#like????? no?????#WHEN did we owe anyone anything#this isnt a job we are here for fun.#messing around with posts and polls and fanart is not extra fun stuff. its what fandom is FOR#so yeah save the show thats all cool#but thats not what fandom is about.#never has been never should be im not here to work for someone its quite the opposite#what other fandom does this /neg#thank you so much to my moots for not being like this#but i went on the general lockwood tag and took damage#sorry im just mad#if you worry it's at you it's probably not tho lol#lockwood and co#lockwood and co netflix#save lockwood and co
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Just read your new work and as much as I adore anything you write I must confess seeing the past jonsa tag hurt me. I just adore them and have been patiently awaiting for the day the jonsa inspires you again! I hope this doesn’t offend you, it was meant to be a compliment. I’m just awful at wording, like I meant your my go to jonsa author of choice so seeing that tag just left me with feels that your moving on but I know experimenting and dabbling in other ships are great for authors!! I don’t know I’m just in my feels I guess?? So many talented Jonsa authors have become in-active or deleting their works, discontinuing, etc and while I know it just part of life and I’m glad some still continue to write or are SELF PUBLISHING!!! (Although sadly they won’t share their official works-I hunt it down one day) I just feel an odd pang in my chest when another one goes down like dang I just wanna hold you all and never let go. God this sounds like I have abandonment issues, I’m just going stop now before I embarrass myself even more
Aw...hello!,
I am your to-go Jonsa author? That like made my day, so thank you! Also don't worry, you are neither pathetic, not have your embarassed yourself. You have just shared in our common love for Jonsa, which I still believe will be the open endgame of the books, tbh, and I could not appreciate you more for it.
Of course I love experimenting and for a long while I have been uninspired in Jonsa, mostly because I have been hyperfixated on Aemondsa (which I think Jon and Aemond share so much traits it's ridiculous), but I have not forgotten all my wips for Jonsa, to which I mean to return in the Summer (I am a perfectionist, procrastinator so unless I am on the wave of hyperfixation I am never quite satisfied enough with my work to share it, but the updates shall come soon).
You know what else shall come soon, because my muse actually is never satisfied with just one story and just one ship at time?
A new Jonsa story I have been keeping under wraps, a season 7/8 rewrite with specks of book canon as well.
Look, I'll even leave the edit I've done for it, and the summary. I plan to get it out by the end of June with the first chapter, so prepare your popcorns, seatbelts and fav comf food because I'll be back on my Jonsa shit again. And it's gonna be epic!
A song for wolves,
The South has a new queen, a dragon queen who wears her name like a true Targaryen. Mother of the Dragons. Mother of monsters. Dark mother, brought ruin, death and fire to the Realm, and put to torch her enemies. With Fire and Blood she has torn at the lioness of the Rock and the whole world shall bend the knee to this foreign conqueror, or endure become ashes. And yet, to the North a new enemy rises. House Stark. The ancient kings on winter, the last defence against death and ice; battered, exiled and tortured they rose again in the name of the King in the North. A bastard deserter and his sisters; a Lannister's wife and a girl. “They are Starks, and the northerners never forget,” When winter comes... You'll hear no lions roar... No stags grazing the fields... No roses growing in the meadows... No snakes in the sand... The krakens will freeze where they swim... The flayed men will rot and wither... No trouts swimming in the river and no falcons flying in the air... Not even the dragons breath will warm you in your halls. Only the wolfs howl in the night... Winter is coming.
As always, hope you stay tuned, and yes the edit's got better since I started to make them, but alas no, those clips, music and quotes do not belong to me, we all knew how things would go if they did.
As always sending all my love ~G.
#jonsa#ask the hag#as if I ever forgot about Jonsa#don't you worry nonny#I've gotchu#I've got your back#I may experiment and sometimes even put pastJonsa tag because in every universe these two had something but doesn't mean I have moved on#quite frankly those two owe my muse#which is why I have a new work in the makings#and yay#more wips#but you all should be used to it by now#never fret my sibling-in-Jonsa I'm always here lurking and working and sometimes I may drop a new chapter or another#nonny love#anon love
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