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cozycottagetarot · 1 year ago

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The Next Chapter Of Your Life

How To Pick A Pile:

Everyone has their own technique for choosing a 'pile'. My recommendation is to clear your mind and focus on each image for a few seconds. The image you find yourself coming back to even when you focus on the other images is the pile for you.

Quick notes on this reading:

It's a long one -- This reading is a lot longer (I think) than what I typically post. I'd appreciate any feedback on the length since it's something I'm experimenting with. The pile titles are colour-coded -- Hopefully, it helps make scrolling to the next section quicker.

Each pile references multiple scenarios -- some scenarios came through stronger than others, but I did my best to write what I was getting to be applied to situations not mentioned.

‼️ THIS READING IS MEANT FOR SELF-REFLECTION AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY -- While this reading does contain a bit of advice and reflective questions, IT'S IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM MEANT TO REPLACE PROFESSIONAL ADVICE OF ANY KIND. Please use your discretion, think carefully before you act and only take what resonates be it a little, some or none at all. (The usual disclaimer is at the bottom).

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PILE 1 (Scrapbook)

Who are you? Cards: The Poet, The Founder rev, The Queen of Roses

This pile may be the pile for you if any of the following resonates:

Wanting to connect or being very connected to your loving, nurturing and supportive side. You've been receiving messages or sensing that a new connection is on the horizon. Motherhood/parenthood or marriage. Seeking resolutions to a relationship. Leaving behind relationships that have been in your life forever. Giving too much to others. Ending toxic relationships. Finding or wanting freedom. Finding your voice. Finding you. Tapping into your creative side. A quest for happiness.

If none of these individual sentences resonate feel free to check out a different pile.

Who will you become throughout this next chapter? Cards: The Muse, The Gambler

You will begin to bloom. Maybe not fully, but you’ll be more open to taking the necessary steps (which may feel like risk) to flourish. The end result will be you tapping into your creativity and creator energy. But also putting in the work, and changing your approach. I pulled all the cards at once so being able to take in all the cards at once, it’s this sense of making you happen. Gone will be the sense of being who you think you should or are expected to be. You’ll be gaining a new sense of self that is brighter and more wild. The risk is non-existent. It’s more perceived. It seems like a risk to indulge in the aspects of yourself that may seem like they’re more whimsy, but by actually making those things happen, you will transform into someone who can inspire themself. You won’t have to look for inspiration elsewhere, you’ll have it there within you.

How will you find success? Cards: 3 of Keys (The Chess Game), The King rev

Through changing your tactic. This chapter won’t necessarily be easy. There will be conflict with those around or above you, especially if this relates to career or relationships, possibly even both. Detach from the situation and be objective. Waiting for your opening will be the key to your success. For some, it’s a situation where everyone is only looking out for themself and I’m picking up that it's creating a stalemate. With the king reversed, you know what’s best in the situation but someone with more authority than you or a level of seniority if this is a personal relationship thinks they know better but they don’t. It’s about being firm and holding your own as well as not letting your emotions, or the part of you that’s super connected to the situation, get the best of you and influence you to make rash decisions.

Challenges you may meet: Cards: The Astronomer, The Orator, Reflection rev.

I see the biggest challenge here for you being one of mastering yourself in this next chapter. There’s a battle between your emotions and your intuition. To navigate this you need to have a conversation with yourself and determine why you’re having such strong emotions. Where are these feelings stemming from? The astronomer card is here to remind you that whatever the situation is, it’s not really about the past-- it’s not going to help you navigate this chapter. Especially if you’ve been acting according to what’s expected of you when the current/upcoming situation(s) requires you to do what is true to you. I hope I'm not repeating myself too much here, but the challenge becomes exploring the why behind the emotions so you can better make decisions and listen to your intuition. BUT, keep in mind that it doesn’t mean not to listen to your emotions at all.

Another message here is that working with other people may also show up as a challenge. There's a reminder to listen to other people's perspectives but also know that choosing to hear someone’s POV doesn’t mean you have to absorb it as yours either.

Finally, even when it gets tough, don’t doubt yourself. Take your time. It may seem like you have to have it all figured out and know what to say and which decision to make, but not really. It’s easy to feel that way when it feels like everything is at stake, but again, if you feel that way, pause and ask yourself why? Once you have your why, you can take on the world.

Lessons To Be Learned: Cards: The Painter, 8 of keys (the master artisan)

This definitely feels like it relates to career or passion projects, but of course, just adjust to your individual situation. It may or may not mean anything, but your cards have lots of florals.

Your lessons in this next chapter of life relate to learning to connect with yourself, speaking up and putting yourself out there. Your energy is one that makes me feel like you have such an amazing talent you're hesitant to embrace. You have so much to learn and just as much to offer... this is the beginning of that journey. Don’t be shy. There are opportunities out there waiting, you just have to figure out the way to pursue them that is most authentic to you. Even if it’s simply an opportunity to give love and kindness. I know I focused a lot on career and creativty, but this goes for relationships too. There is a lot of heavy energy covering this beautiful light-hearted one that just wants to break free. If you are considering going into teaching or taking up a teaching opportunity (not necessarily even in a formal education system) or enrolling in a course of some kind, I feel like this is a nod to say go for it. Especially pottery or beadwork? Trade work as well, maybe even culinary school or food-related skills. (I could be projecting there on the culinary aspect though as that's what I did and the imagery on the card reminds me of it).

Advice to take with you in this next chapter: The hound and pear (loyalty) — This card is always a bittersweet card whenever I see it. The message here is one of loyalty and friendship. A new relationship (of any kind), one founded on friendship, is precious but also delicate. Don't make irrevocable decisions based on conclusions. It must be treated with care on both sides because it can be damaged easily.

The deer and oat (healing) — Rest and recharge. Moderation and mindfulness are also key for recovering from difficult or intense situations. Ask yourself, how you can rest and nurture yourself?

The snake and fern (starting over) — it’s time to finish breaking free from the past so you can become something new. So you can return to your true self. What has protected you and brought you to this point? Are you in a position to release it? Are there any parts of your past self that you can regrow from (like snipping off part of a plant that may be unhealthy and leaving the rest so it can re-catch itself, not sure why I picked that analogy) or must you grow anew? (Planting a new seed, from the old plant. The essence is still there but a completely new plant will grow)

If you made it this far I appreciate it. Feedback is welcomed and if there's a topic you'd like me to cover in a pac, feel free to let me know!

Pile 2 (Compass)

If you’re drawn to pile 1 feel free to check that out as well.

Who are you? Cards: The Oracle of Delphi, the Sentinel, the Forgotten

This pile may be the pile for you if any of the following resonates:

Intuitive. Connected to a higher power. Diety work. Past lives. Psychic powers. Perseverance. Fighting back. Confidence threatening to become arrogance. Dominance dancing on the lines of domineering. A force to be reckoned with. Someone who's sometimes brash. Amor fati (love of fate). An academic. Dreamlight Valley. Self-esteem issues (past or present). Someone who was looked past and from it learned not to try. Fear. Anxiety. A lost soul stumbling in the dark. Chaos. Morally grey. *You may be an avid reader or enjoy fantasy media as well.

My Overall Impression: You’re a force to be reckoned with and reckon you will. Your energy is just pure power and chaos. I low-key feel like you’re battling with life/the universe (call it what you prefer, that’s just how I prefer to call it). There’s this energy of "Try me" and the universe is like "I got one for you, watch and see". But there’s no malice. I just get fed-up vibes from you and the response from life is like "Okay 👀, but chill." Enemies to lovers with life itself.

Who will you become throughout this next chapter? Cards: The Ark of the Covenant, Beith — Birth, The Queen, The Assassin

The Queen and The Assassin flew out with such fury! You’re going to become someone worthy of wearing a crown. But it comes at a price, though it’s not one you can sit around and sulk about. The next chapter of your life reminds me of being forged in fire. Now you’re stepping into the role and identity of someone who can achieve your goals. It’s dark at times, but you’re gaining the skills to do what you want to do and I get the feeling this "thing" you're meant to do is one you may feel on a deep or soul level. (It is) fulfilling a higher calling or purpose. At the very least, you’re becoming someone who has decided that this is the last time they repeat a cycle.

You’re working towards something more and it feels like by the end of this chapter, you’ll be granted a brief reprieve. There’s still more work to be done though. You’re stepping into a new era where so much will grow from you. For some of you, a new romantic relationship is coming in and/or you're expanding your family-- that includes found family as well.

How will you find success?

Cards: 4 of Roses (views of the ego) the Witch. Rev

The first message that comes through is that your success lies in cutting someone off. Someone selfish and self-absorbed to be exact. It’s a relationship you’ve stayed in too long... they could have had some kind of hold over you, not necessarily in a controlling way, but they could have meant something on a deep level which could have been why you held on. You may have done a lot you’re not happy with because you’ve done it with this person in mind. Cutting ties with them grants you success as it allows you to focus on what’s truly important to you.

The other message with the witch reversed is the importance of remembering that while you’re forging your own path, it’s okay to look to others who have made it or 'gotten out'. Maybe they haven’t gone through the exact same thing, but it doesn’t mean there isn’t wisdom in the stories of others who’ve forged through and paved their own way as well. Pile one was about breaking away from the expected, but you’re being called to review what is expected and see if there’s anything worth considering. Kind of like shopping around for inspiration? You might come across someone else's story and it might spark an idea within you on how to navigate your own.

Challenges you may meet-- Cards: The Tailor Rev, The Scribe

Your challenges in this next chapter involve trying not to force your will upon the flow of your life and refining your focus. I know, I said forged in fire. There’s an imbalance of sorts... instead of firing and hoping you hit the target (your goal), you need to pause and take a good look at what’s working vs what isn’t. The 'wheel of life' worksheet/exercise comes to mind but I personally hate that exercise so much. I bring it up because it allows you to get a visual of what areas of your life you've been focusing on vs neglecting and pinpoint which areas of your life you’re lacking in. From there you can further assess and gain a better grasp on what you should be focusing on. After all, you can do anything, but you can’t do everything.

With the scribe, you may need to study or fine-tune your skills regarding a specific matter more. Here, there's something you need to learn to influence your life in the way you want, but you have to take the time to figure out what it is that you need to learn. It doesn’t have to be formal learning either. It could be something such watch a YouTube video, reading a book or article, or even taking a free online course or masterclass. Nothing is too big or too small here, as long as it's helping you to develop to get from point A to B.

Lessons To Be Learned:

Cards: 8 or scrolls (path unknown), the diviner, the puppeteer

The 8 of scrolls here reminds you that you’ve been travelling on a path where you know the outcomes, but to get to where you want to be sometimes requires walking down paths that may mean you don’t know what’s going to happen until it happens. At the same time, that’s how opportunities we didn’t know we needed arise. In the card imagery, there’s a basket next to the girl filled with scrolls, the same type of scrolls pictured in the scribe card. I think for you it’s learning the skill or information I mentioned that is going to help you feel more confident and assured on this path you’re following. You’ve got the energy of the queen archetype (regardless of gender), and though it may be a challenge, you’ve equipped yourself with the skills necessary to go after what you want. You’ll have what it takes 100% to move on to the next phase (after this one we're talking about).

The Diviner is about divine timing and evaluation. Here you’ve done all that you can with what is in your control. What’s left now is waiting for your desires outcomes to come to fruition. While you can’t rush or force things, you can make sure you set yourself up for success when you get it. So let's say you're waiting on receiving a sum of money, in the meantime you can learn/brush up on the skills to manage money etc.

Finally with the puppeteer, mending relationships could also be a lesson. Although I think it’s more about learning to interact with others better? But also remembering that sometimes apologies can mend relationships and other times they can’t. Going back to that relationship mentioned way before, it could be a matter of "are you willing to forgive the other person if they were to apologise and see the error of their ways?" (Though with the type of person mentioned that may be unlikely but, who knows).

Another possibility with the assassin card is that you may ruffle feathers at some point, so you may learn the power or limits of an apology in that sense as well.

Advice to take with you in this next chapter:

The Finch and Peach (romance) — romance is on its way to you. Things to ponder on could be: do you feel ready to welcome love into your life? What are some things that make you feel loved/how do you like to receive love?

The Marten and Foxglove (mischief) — this card asks you to stay open to opportunities that allow you to tap into your playful side, be spontaneous or travel. Ask yourself how can you make room for spontaneity? (It could be through trying new foods, reading a different genre, visiting a place you wouldn’t typically visit, changing up your daily routine etc). Also are you at a point where you can open yourself to new adventures, big or small?

The Boar and Pumpkin (confidence) — You’re not wrong to be confident in yourself, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Take a moment to acknowledge your accomplishments and think about what you’ve done that you’re proud of (doesn’t always have to be tangible, it can also be mindsets, situations you’ve walked from etc).

The Snake and Fern (starting over) — Again, if you were drawn to pile one, I suggest you check that out. Here this card nods to beginning a new and asks you to see if there are any parts of yourself you can return to, or if it’s time to completely start anew and discover yourself from scratch.

If you made it this far I appreciate it. Feedback is welcomed and if there's a topic you'd like me to cover in a pac, feel free to let me know!

Pile 3 (The Trunks/Suitcase)

Who are you? Cards: The Smith, The Twins, The Lookout, The Askashic Library, 3 of Forces (Bird’s Nest)

This pile may be the pile for you if any of the following resonates:

The overthinker. Having a twin or prominent Gemini placements. If you're considering something you’ve been wanting to do for a while but keep putting off. A relationship with someone in which you both started on the same path but they went in another direction. Holding onto resentment. Feel like everything is up in flames. Writing. Seeking self-awareness. Manifesting. Intuitive. *Read that book you’ve been meaning to read. Needing a backup plan. Expanding. Hopeful prospects.

*If this doesn't feel like your pile, and you were eyeing pile 4, definitely check it out. This pile was actually the last I pulled and the hardest to read for and it felt like many aspects of it related to other piles as well. I recommend checking out a secondary pile in general if you were drawn to one.

Who will you become throughout this next chapter? Cards: The Waker, The Runaway, The Warrior (Sorry, I forgot to write down some of the cards 🤦‍♀️, I believe it was 'Fated Meeting' and 'Queen of Scrolls')

You’re becoming someone who is becoming centred/aligned and more intuitive. Your internal world and external world are going to become more connected. Connected to your ‘higher self’ as well, it’s going to be you vs you (levelling up). You’re going to become someone who can face the things you’ve been running from head-on.

That thing you’ve been putting off, you’re going to be able to finally put into action. Coming into being filled with inspiration, clarity and direction. This is especially if you’re considering careers/education, or projects in the fields of writing, publishing, marketing, communication, counselling or teaching. If you’re seeking a mentor, this person could help guide you to becoming this way. It could also be someone in your life already that may help you who is in one of these fields.

For a select few of you, you’re becoming the version of you that was meant to meet your person. If it’s not a romantic partner, then you’re coming into contact with a soulmate (meant as someone you have a ‘soul bond’ with).

Where Will You Find Success? Cards: 4 of Keys (Clearing The Way), Reflection, The Cartographer rev, The Weaver

If you find yourself prone to many different avenues of ideas and project but never settling on one, you’re going to find your success through settling on one thing and focusing on it. It’s time for you stop buckle down and stick with one of those brilliant ideas of yours and make it happen.

Also while it may be time for you to focus on one thing professionally or creatively, when it comes to yourself, it’s time to embrace all the pieces of you that seem random. It reminds me of this post I saw a couple of days ago about how we don't have to force ourselves fit perfectly into an aesthetic... that it's okay to have and embrace parts of your personality that are completely left field of the other bits that go hand in hand. So for some of you, maybe it’s time to embrace all the pieces of you that don’t go together neatly. Maybe that’s why you have these ideas and start them and then ditch them, because you’re a multifaceted being and you’re not allowing yourself to be so and that is the way it manifests in your life? Maybe it’s time to learn how to let all the sides of you coexist without getting lost. Food for thought maybe?

Regardless, it’s time to remove distractions that are holding you back. Tap into your intuition. Become more aware of your emotions. There's a sense of self-mastery is needed here.

Challenges You May Meet? Cards: The Pathless, The Miser, 1 of Scrolls (On Track), Up In The Air, 6 of Forces (The Waterfall) rev

Your challenges kind of relate to the things that were mentioned already. Being in your head, overthinking things, being unable to settle, but also trying to avoid falling into a headspace where you’re being pessimistic and stubborn. Just because you stick to one thing doesn’t mean you can’t shift and adjust your approach. And if you find that you’re really stuck don’t be afraid to just take a step back. If this is all relating to something where other people are giving you their unsolicited advice, don’t be afraid to brush it off and say “Hey, I might have hit a block but trust that I know what I’m doing”. Another scenario is to not internalise any unsolicited advice or opinions because I feel like that could be a trigger for getting lost in your head for some of you.

For overthinking, it'll be about learning to accept that you won’t be able to know the exact outcome of certain things. If you’re working with someone else, then feeling like you are in control or that you have a say may be the challenge. For others, the challenge may simply be making the decision or committing. It could also be coming to terms with the fact that you waited so long to pursue this goal.

Lessons To Be Learned: Cards: The Brawler, The Forgotten, 2 of Roses (The Winged Messengers), Uriel and the Sphinx, the king of roses

With the Forgotten you’ll learn that you can’t be afraid of mistakes. Mistakes help you grow. You'll come to realise how much fear has been holding you back. There's also learning how to make something out of your anxiety. Learning not to run from conflict or maybe how to properly address it could also be another lesson. This could be regarding internal conflict or conflict with another person as I am getting multiple scenarios come up.

Again there's a message here that for some of a romantic suitor specifically coming in. Overall for everyone there’s an important relationship making its way into your life. The mentor shows up as a neutral energy throughout the reading (or balanced feminine and masculine). Their energy is thoughtful, nurturing/comforting and supportive.

Advice — The Goat and Willow (overdoing obstacle) — even though there are losses to suffer, you can overcome them with renewed energy and the right balance. When obstacles appear, prioritise realigning yourself with your goals. You can even get ahead of the game and brainstorm ways to handle potential obstacles before they arise. The Chipmunk and Laurel (success) — Your path to success will be a unique one, one you have to create on your own, but there will be adventures along the way. The Elk and Ash (strength) — Don’t be afraid to fight back when met with a challenge.

If you made it this far I appreciate it. Feedback is welcomed and if there's a topic you'd like me to cover in a pac, feel free to let me know!

Pile 4 (The plane around the world)

CW: Brief implication of strong language

Who are you? Cards: The storyteller, the mascareri, 1 of roses (commitment), 6 of roses (the war of roses)

This pile may be the pile for you if any of the following resonates:

Someone who struggles with the 'self'. You may hide your true self and struggle to accept others' true selves. For you, you could spend a lot of time crafting your persona. For some of you you maybe in positions where you delegate to others or are responsible for others' behaviour (managerial or boss positions). Some of you could work with kids or want to work with kids. Putting on a mask. Neurodivergence. You could enjoy writing or be a writer of some kind. The arts. Struggling with a partnership (romantic or business), trying to balance honouring yourself and their wishes? Conflicted about a relationship. Feeling like there's a battle between your head vs your heart.

Who will you become throughout this next chapter? Cards: 4 of Scrolls rev (The Karmic Trenches), The Patron rev, The poet You’re becoming someone with so much to offer and is still looking to grow. However, people may want to take advantage of that. Becoming someone who doesn’t hesitate and is in love with life. Embracing that life is imperfect. Becoming more vulnerable. Finding like-minded people. Embracing happiness. Tapping into your creative spirit. There could be an ending of some kind, though you didn’t want it, it brought a world full of new opportunities. You're finally breaking a pattern but also having the awareness to know when you’re tip-toeing along the lines of going back. Coming out of the dark. This sense of being healed on multiple levels and being able to finally experience joy.

Where will you find success? Cards: The Astronomer Rev, The Hound, 5 of forces (summer/winter), 7 of keys (The Ascent) You’re going to be finding success through setting long-term goals. If this is about a financial situation especially, then also finding a balance between focusing on what is necessary and not letting the 'wishlist' desires lead you astray. It can apply to any situation in general though. Focusing on what’s necessary and the things you would like to do coming afterwards.

There's also a matter of assessing where your loyalties or priorities lie and releasing habits, relationships, and ideas that are no longer serving you. Loyalty and staying true to your word might be something you value heavily and stand by, but I also see you finding success in this next chapter of your life by realising, you know what, sometimes you have to cut your ties, count any losses and move on because staying is only doing more harm than good. For some of you who have a relationship in mind or the relationship part resonated with you, this is especially true.

Taking action in general will bring success. This chapter could either close out or begin in the summer, or summer will mark an important time for you. With the 7 of keys, your success is guaranteed as long as you put in the work.

Challenges You May Meet: Cards: The Founder, The Shepard, 3 of Scrolls (Setting Your Course), Caught in The Ruins With The Founder, a challenge you might run into is needing to put yourself before someone else who is asking you for your help, although I'm also feeling it maybe asking you to put them first. You might struggle to determine whether or not you should offer them your help. The Shepard urges you to step up and take the lead when others need guidance. However, I think the best question to ask is what kind of person do you have to show up as in order to offer them your support? And also what type of person do you have to show up as to meet your goals? I’d say make a decision on how to proceed based on whether the two can successfully coincide or not.

A lot of different situations come up in this pile— relationships, career/finance, behaviours… but the common theme here seems to come down to mindset. Whatever the situation is that has you feeling trapped, you have to realise that it’s not definitive, even if it seems that way in your head. It seems like a lot of what is going on, and what you have to overcome, is self-sabotage and realising that just because you’ve always done something a certain way or a situation has always played out that way, doesn’t mean it will always be that way. You have the power to change; the challenge here simply lies in picking yourself up and dusting yourself off. There’s so much more out there for you than what you’re seeing right now. If relocating or travelling, especially where you have to cross the ocean, is something you’re hoping to do, then the end of this chapter we’re discussing in this reading might be the beginning of that next chapter in your life.

Lessons To Be Learned: Cards: 3 of Roses (Loving Elementals), 5 of Roses (The Garden)

The lessons here are about having a sense of child like wonder, and learning to find joy and exploration in life. Being able to laugh and play and find inspiration once more. If any of you have been thinking about starting a family (not necessarily right away) then it’s likely that this chapter will set you up for that. If not then I think a matter of legacy here. Being exposed to opportunities to nurture and grow the future you desire.

You’ll learn that sometimes you are the one who has to be the catalyst to change your life. I love this line from the guidebook of my Citadel Orcale cards regarding the catalyst. It says “ You are the bolt of lightning that topples the tower”. If you think about the Tower card in the traditional tarot deck, there’s lightning striking the tower and setting it on fire. Whenever it comes up it talks about upheaval and there’s often a sense of “oh great, something’s about to come **** up my life” but maybe [we] should consider that we’re not always the tower, but instead, we are the lightning. You have to make the decision to do or become something different, even if goes against what you've always known or what everyone tells you you should do.

What’s also important is not dwelling on past mistakes or regrets, it’s about learning from what happened and using it to make a better decision. Stop doubting yourself and overthink until your head hurts. Give yourself some grace and self-compassion. Take your time, changing isn’t going to happen overnight and often times we have to adjust to who we’re allowing ourselves to become.

Advice to take with you in this next chapter:

The Bee and Pomegranate (productivity) rev — If you find yourself struggling with procrastination, don’t be afraid to rest a while before giving whatever it is another go. Consider what makes you productive as well as what you can do to change why you’re not feeling productive towards another task.

The Racoon and Sycamore (curiosity) — The time is now to do some self-exploration. Explore new interests and hobbies as well as take time to think about how you’ve evolved and how you’d like to further evolve.

The Finch and Peach (romance) — Love is on its way to you. (I did kind of feel like it’s romantic love but it wasn't a prominent message in the reading.)

The Bear and Cedar (leadership) — You’re being guided towards leadership opportunities but remember to ‘rule’ with fairness and care. Ask yourself how can you be a better leader? Who can benefit from your knowledge and experience?

If you made it this far I appreciate it. Feedback is welcomed and if there's a topic you'd like me to cover in a pac, feel free to let me know!

*** Disclaimer: All readings and tarot/blog games are for fun and entertainment purposes only. It is in no way meant to act as or replace professional advice of any kind. You know yourself and what’s going on in your life best so I ask that you trust yourself above all else. Finally please take only what resonates from the reading which may be some of it, all of it, or none at all.

#pick a card #pick a pile #pick a card reading #pac reading #pick a picture #pac #pick a pile reading #tarot reading #cozycottagetarot

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the-s1lly-corner · 3 months ago

Text

Wearing their robes (COTL) (2/2)

I need to write more cotl stuff hmmm hmmm... I kinda want to write something for clauneck but I know no one fucks with him silly style like I do

Characters: lamb, narinder, baal, aym

Notes: reader is gn, NONE of these bitches know that it's partially a sign of affection!!!, post game, this was originally going to include the goat but I still don't know how I want to write them

CWs: none

LAMB

Oh... you've taken their fleece... that's okay, they have a couple extra ones- powerful ones with talismans put into them.. so they're not too bothered about you stealing one of their spares!

That said they do make plans to have something custom made for you... it is getting rather cold out nowadays... hmm... may put some of their wool into it to really make it personal

If you tell them you stole it due to missing them they feel... a certain way... running a cult is so time consuming they didn't mean to make you feel left behind... they try to make more time for you asap-- even if it's not... as soon as they'd like

NARINDER

Give it back, he doesn't like sharing his things all that much. If you're cold he will get you something to cover yourself

The idea that you missed him doesn't cross his mind at all, you may have to explain yourself. He's likely to ask you about it anyway, so there's your opening

He... does not know how to feel about it. Had this happened before his imprisonment he would tease you.. and while the urge to do so is still present, the idea that he was not only wanted but also missed sits oddly in his gut

He.. "begrudgingly" let's you huddle with him under his robe- it's nice and loose on him, there's enough room

BAAL

Honest to god thinks you're cold and asks if you want to go inside. You can keep his robe if you need it, he's not too bothered by the cold. The afterlife wasn't freezing but it wasn't warm either, so he's used to some level of chill... maybe he can convince his mother to make hot coco for everyone...

His ears press down against his head when you tell him you just missed him and that's why you took his outer robes... had he really been that busy lately?

He didn't mean to he promises! It's just been so nice being able to explore the lands after being stuck in one place for so long, and- he's going to take you next time! Explore with him! After you get your own robe- silk cradle is a little chilly...

AYM

Literally tries to tug it off of you, give it to him! That's his! You can go get your own! You probably already have your own somewhere!

You can see the gears in hisbl head turning as you pass it back and tell him you missed him and generally find comfort in wearing it and- oh! He's pushing it back into your hands. Take it. Just take it!! He's not doing it out of pity or passive aggressiveness, he genuinely believes you should keep a hold on it if it brings you comfort

You can have his and he can get another one. He doesn't fully process that you were inviting you to spend more time with him-- he still spends time with you, though! Will forcefully drag you around to check things out

#cotl x reader #cotl x you #cotl imagine #cult of the lamb imagine #cult of the lamb x reader #cult of the lamb x you #lamb x reader #cotl lambert x reader #cotl lamb x reader #cotl narinder x reader #narinder x reader #baal x reader #cotl baal x reader #cotl aym x reader #aym x reader #canon x reader #canon x you #x reader

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xthescarletbitch · 10 months ago

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bg3 ladies helping with chronic pain (x reader)

sfw, but i still prefer no minors

cw: gn!reader, chronic pain mentions, fluff!!

word count: 1000+ (each is roughly 250-300)

author's note: no, i haven’t finished the game yet, but pain has been kicking my ass lately, and i was curious about how the ladies would react if their partner had chronic pain. self-indulgent? maybe. (and i realize everybody has different experiences; these are just based on my own.) enjoy. <3

lae'zel

it takes lae’zel some time to understand the concept of chronic pain, but she tries her best to comprehend it for you. at first, she struggles with the idea because she thrives on the pain she feels from battle, but she soon realizes that it is not the same as the pain you feel. with the realization comes a more gentle lae’zel, one who just wants to take some of the pain away from you, at least for a little bit. lae’zel considers many different ways to aid you when you’re having a particularly hard time, and she feels that the best approach is to get you moving, if you are able to. she has had good results in the past by working her body to help ease some of her pain, so she only hopes for the same results with you. lae’zel happily and patiently guides you through some exercises geared to your most painful areas. she comes to understand your limits and grants you some breaks, should you need them. during your breaks, she’ll provide you with a drink to hydrate and some comments about what you are doing good and what you can improve on. she also makes it a habit of checking in on you throughout the workout routine to see where you’re at and if she needs to increase or decrease the intensity. lae’zel is also really good at yoga and will show you the ropes with that as well. she’ll demonstrate the pose for you and then help you in getting into position, being sure to spot you if you need it.

minthara

minthara may not understand chronic physical pain, but she gets the concept after some time with you. in the beginning, she’d question your outward symptoms because she assumed somebody had wronged you, or even outright hurt you. her first question was always: “who do i need to kill?” she was always fully prepared to murder the person responsible for your pain, not knowing that it was just something that happened to you. as mentioned before, minthara does eventually come to understand how and why the pain presents for you. she notes how debilitating the pain can become for you and figures that the best way to help is to try to distract you from your pain. oftentimes, that includes doing things with you, like reading her various texts or simply telling you her own stories. when this happens, she has your head laid on her chest as she runs her fingers through your hair, trying to bring some more comfort with her touch. using more of her touch, minthara will offer to massage the areas hurting you the most. she gets the best oils from baldur’s gate to use on you, ensuring that you get the best treatment. she takes her time to work the stress from your body and finds moments like those to be so intimate. it’s also important to note that minthara is extra protective of you when you are in pain. she just wants you to lay back and relax, taking no company besides her until you’re better. she’d also still keep the option of murder open for you if that would make you feel better.

shadowheart

shadowheart is probably the one who understands your pain the most. she is afflicted with her own form of chronic pain and knows just how difficult life can be when you’re juggling that and other things. for her, your company and affection are enough to make her symptoms feel manageable, so she wants to provide the same for you. she is more than willing to be there for all of your most painful moments and try to help you as much as she can. sometimes, this help can be in the form of healing spells that she caters to your affected areas. she’ll take the time to allow her hands to roam your body, touching the areas that are bothering you so that she may bring you a moment of relief. and during those moments, she’ll check in on you and make sure you’re doing alright. once her spells have been cast, shadowheart wants nothing more than to just hold you tight in her arms. she really feels for you—she knows it hurts, and she wants you close to her so that she can heal you as best she can. you will receive a lot of kisses. maybe she’ll even cast another spell on you to get you to relax in her arms, aiming to further lull you to sleep with some of her affirmations and declarations of her affection for you. shadowheart’s ultimate goal is to show you that she is there for you through it all, even the bad moments when you may lash out at her due to the amount of pain you’re in. she wants you to know that she understands, and she loves you regardless. you are her catharsis, and she wants to be yours.

karlach

karlach gets it; pain can be such a harrowing experience. and, like shadowheart, she wants to be there with you through it all, whether she understands every bit of it or not. dedicated is one way to describe this tiefling who will do just about anything to help you out in your worst moments. karlach’s first resort is to always become a living heating pad for you, available to provide heat for any area of your body. you could just lay right on top of her, and she’d be happy, using her hands to rub up and down your back, paying special attention to the areas that hurt you the most. it’s a form of cuddling that she cherishes deeply because she is able to take something malicious from you. if you just wanted to lay on your back, that’s fine with karlach, too. she’ll use her warm hands to apply heat to the affected areas, staying as long as you need her to. should you want her to, she’s even willing to provide massages to your tense areas. that, with the combination of heat, makes for an excellent treatment. and it’s good to note that as soon as karlach knows you’re in pain, she’s canceling all of your plans; you’re not going anywhere. she’ll have no arguments about it, either. she’ll convince you to stay in bed to soak up all the rest you can. she’ll take care of whatever needs to be done for you, and afterward, she’s all yours. she can also be like minthara and be protective of you; she doesn’t want you to lift a finger until you feel better.

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heytherecentaurs · 10 months ago

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The Bad Parents would see Kristen in crisis, sort of in free fall, and all endeavour to help her. She's a kid who had to leave home because her parents are bigots. Then she moved in with her girlfriend's family (which thankfully is also her best friend's family). But do you ever think she was scared, even briefly, that she'd have nowhere to go when she and Tracker broke up? Like maybe in the back of her mind she wondered if the grace they'd shown her was because she was Tracker's girlfriend.

I think the bad parents would have rallied around her. Jawbone who knows how hard she's been grinding at school. Sandra Lynn who fully understands what it's like to be a young woman in crisis. (And who is used to dealing with Fig's special brand of bullshit; Kristen's problems might seem easier to tackle.) Wilma and Digby who are so kind and understanding but don't put up with bullshit and won't be pushovers. Even Sklonda who didn't want Riz's friends exploiting him, but you can't tell me she wouldn't hear from Riz that Kristen is Acing her cleric classes and crushing it on the campaign, and now you're telling Sklonda this girl who's really applying herself in shitty circumstances is being punished for it and on top of that it's going to effect her own kid's academics and future. Get the fuck outta here.

Kristen just needs one adult to march into that school with her and say "You're out of order." Like the school may be able to push around some kid and force her through hoops, but Sklonda or Sandra Lynn? No way. "You can't expel her. Kristen has perfect grades and is an active student in extracurriculars. What do you mean, 'She fails because her deity is dead'? Does Kristen still believe in her? Yes. Does Kristen still have her magic? Yes. How then can her goddess be dead? Last I checked Cassandra is a goddess of mystery. Just because you don't understand the mystery doesn't mean you have the right to punish Kristen for it. In fact combined with the cleric teacher's behaviour, this constitutes discrimination on religious grounds." Like... "Who's in charge here? You don't have someone qualified at the head of your administrative faculty? I'm going to have a class action suit brought against the school on behalf of the student body and you don't have Arthur Aguefort here to protect you."

Kristen needs an adult to reasonably address these issues on her behalf and failing that, an adult who will be mean.

Put me in a room with whoever you want from that school and I'll eat them alive. I'll make them cry. I don't care if Jace Stardiamond is evil or not. And I certainly don't care what big tent megachurch bullshit Bobby Fucking Dawn slithered out from. Fuck him and his Kentucky-fried drawl. I'll crush him.

(Side note: Kristen should have immediately begun whatever emancipation process Solace has because Mac and Donna should not be making legal and medical decisions on her behalf.)

#dimension 20 #d20 #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #fhjy spoilers #kristen applebees #bad kids #the bad parents #sandra lynn faeth #sklonda gukgak #wilma thistlespring #digby thistlespring #jawbone o'shaughnessey #jace stardiamond #bobby dawn #hey there centaurs

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ask-rain-world-characters · 4 months ago

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Hello everyone, and welcome!

We are the denizens of the wonderous world we all know and love. And we have all gathered here to speak with you! Got anything you desire to say, ask, or send our way? Do it anytime you wish, and we shall respond - through our voices! - We are voice acting enthusiasts, some of whom, you may have already heard in some Rain World fan projects. You can send anything at a character - images, art, questions, ideas, videos, whatever you wish! And the character shall react - just like in any other askblog. But the difference is not just that we use voiceovers to answer (instead of art), but that the process is fully collaborative. As the VAs of the characters all have full creative control over what they say, instead of following the standard practice of one person writing/deciding everything.

Important things to note (please read before submitting):

When you send us something, make it abundantly clear which character you're addressing. You're allowed to address multiple, or even the entire cast.

NSFW submissions are not allowed. Mildly suggestive ones are fine, but they will not get a response, if the character you're addressing has a minor as its VA, or an adult that would be uncomfortable with it.

This project is fully non-canon. VAs are allowed to use headcanons and personal interpretations when answering. It's also not really meant to be serious, so feel free to send us silly stuff :3

You should only submit things for characters that actually have VAs, as you wouldn't be able to get a response otherwise.

List of available characters, that you can currently send stuff to:

Survivor - @oliverwritesnow

Monk - @isnt-a-blog-blog (Spooky ARK is currently taking a break from the role)

Hunter - @astur-x

Nightcat/Watcher - @areon103

Gourmand - @fadebolt

Artificer - @arti-draws

Rivulet - @daikonical

Spearmaster- @dysfunctionalcore

Saint - @imjayig

Inv/Enot - @isnt-a-blog-blog

Looks to the Moon - @mewguca

Five Pebbles - @cctv-catgirl

No Significant Harassment - @ifoundthishumerus

Seven Red Suns - @meggolorbuggolor

Sliver of Straw - Anonymous by request

Unparalleled Innocence - @bigtimefreq

Gazing Stars - @the-separated-colony

Chieftain Scavenger - @wildbilldoo (backing up for @unrealwasas)

Lizards: Green, Pink, Blue, Red, Caramel - @asdasdasdasd1840

More Lizards: White, Salamander, Cyan - @astur-x

Black and Yellow Lizard - (@urealwasas was the old VA, but they seem to be gone, so the roles are free for taking)

Eel Lizard - @oliverwritesnow

Train Lizard - @wildbilldoo

Scavenger - @areon103 (backing up for @unrealwasas)

Other creatures: Squidcada, Lantern Mouse, Pole Plant, Yeek - @asdasdasdasd1840

Atlas (OC of @solarshaku) - @dysfunctionalcore

Pearl (Artificer's second pup) - owned and voiced by @the-separated-colony

For images, refs and pieces of information regarding the OCs of our blog, you can check up on our Google Doc, which will be updated if we get new characters, or the VAs/owners want to change something.

The person primarily running this project and blog is me, @fadebolt. If you wish to voice act a character yourself, shoot me a DM, either here, or in Discord (my name is also 'fadebolt' there, and I'm in the main RW server, so finding me should be easy). There's absolutely no limit with the characters you could ask to VA. Slugcats, iterators, ancients, echoes, scavengers, any other species... they're all available! We also aren't limiting ourselves to just the base game. Characters from Downpour, characters from mods, OCs, and non-canon characters in general are also available (though if you're planning to VA a character owned by someone else, then make sure to consult them first).

One important thing I must note is that recently, the VA for the Scavenger Chieftain, Regular Scavenger, Yellow Lizard and Black Lizard, has randomly disappeared off the internet without a trace, so their roles are now available for taking - at least until they return (if that ever happens). Do note that the Scavenger Chieftain was already taken by someone else, but the other 3 roles are still available! Just... don't ask for characters who are already taken. Asking to be a backup is fine (in fact, backup VAs would be more than welcome), but we're not stripping anyone of their role, just because someone else asked for it as well. This post will be regularly updated, with the list of all the taken characters, and their VAs. Characters who are not on the list do not have VAs, and are fully open.

Submit your OCs, to be featured on the blog:

If you're looking for some elaboration on the OC thing, you can find it within this post.

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riyangiis · 1 year ago

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flowers for you ! ─ han yujin

you've had a crush on yujin for so long, you just gave up on trying anything because you're nowhere near his level. but rumors started to go around about him and another idol in your school, you couldn't help but be jealous.

pairing , han yujin x reader

warnings , idol!classmate!yujin, idol! oc, rushed..

𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 !

han yujin, a name known all around your school. insanely talented, unbelievably attractive, his whole existence is precious, and so many more. you were absolutely nowhere near his level. he's adored by many and probably has his own group of admirers.

you know there are so many other talented people like him in your school, so you don't even bother and try to get him to notice you unlike delusional daydreamers who can't seem to catch a break.. chocolates here, letters there.. you just sort of ignore him the whole time to ease the pain of knowing that there isn't a single chance of him liking you back.

just one thing caught your attention, seo jiwon. she's the rising star of the infamous group starlinx. the frequently praised and adored, the super talented maknae, the drop-dead gorgeous girl. she was exactly what you were scared of.

jiwon's had her own share of admirers too, but rumors started going around stating that yujin and jiwon have a thing for each other after a fan recorded their interaction in school. it's nothing really, socializing at it's finest. but fans started realizing how 'good' the both of them would be for each other. you felt a little bit of jealousy bubble up at the thought.

nevermind. articles like k-daily use their aesthetic and unique style more than the main focus of the entire website. so it shouldn't matter at all, right? maybe. you snapped out of your thoughts and went to a specific app to see other's opinion on this. you scrolled on twitter and find some tweets about the whole situation.

this whole idea may sound stupid, but you really thought of fully ignoring both jiwon and yujin as if you were only able to sneak a few glances with them whenever you got lucky. give up.. it's not like they will notice and as if it's gonna do anything major.. (maybe)

you turned your phone off and started getting comfortable in your bed, trying to get some sleep. all you could think about was yujin, jiwon, yujin, jiwon, it was suffocating. if anything you should be drowning in your soft bed and get some sleep, not drown in those stupid thoughts.

what should you do tomorrow? just let them be? safest option but your intrusive thoughts or your heart will never agree to that. be mean to them? might get cancelled by their fans around the school. fully ignore them and act like they never existed and dodge every option that leads to them? maybe.

"gosh jiwon, no wonder people called you helpful."

yujin sighed and dropped the notepad with a million ideas to make the first move. for who you ask? you'll see. he checked each page to see how many recommendations jiwon did with a whole lot of research about what that lucky person likes and possibly wants in a guy.

"how do you even do this?"

yujin's face was full of shock and wonder, jiwon smirked and looked and yujin's reaction in satisfaction. she snatched the notepad and flipped every page to boost her ego a little bit more.

"hey, it's me, the super wonderful maknae, jiwon! you'll never get anything wrong with me around!"

"i don't understand how you're good at this more than taking simple notes and putting the teacher's lectures to use."

jiwon slowly looked at yujin to create a more dramatic effect, she stared at him as if she just failed her exams. yujin just sits there confused.

"was i wrong?"

jiwon smacked yujin in his shoulder playfully and made sure he wasn't hurt at all, yujin acted as if he just got shot and played along with her.

"all we need to do is focus on the main thing, get [name] to like you and not get scolded or caught."

a camera from afar failed to hear their conversation and just snapped a picture of yujin and jiwon at the back of the school, jiwon seemed to notice an awkward presence and looked around in her surroundings, yujin followed. the person slowly walked away without the both of them knowing that they pretty much screwed their plan up. a little bit i guess.

the bell rings, a few people sigh after getting tired of hearing the teacher's boring lesson in mathematics. everyone grabbed their bags and rushed out of the classroom. jiwon and yujin involved. jiwon sneakily watched the both of you exit the room, why do you look more gloomy than usual? yujin hold the chocolates in his hand feeling a little nervous, he walked up to you and tapped your shoulder, you continue walking.

"hello?"

you continue walking.

"i'm busy."

he tried to catch up and stopped in front of you. in which you tried to pass by him, is anything wrong? you usually tried to greet him but his fans were always near him that time. he gently pulled you to a private spot and held you as if you were delicate. you blushed at the thought, but snapped out of it.

"what is it that you want?"

"i was about to ask if we could hang out for lunch, since you were busy i just wanted to give you these."

yujin opened his hand that had pieces of your favorite chocolate inside. you slowly took them and kept them inside your pocket. he knew what you liked?

"wait.. why are you giving me this?"

oh, yujin didn't think about that. he tried to brush it off with a pretty bad excuse.

"i always saw you buy them in the store or eat them at least once a day. and you're really kind to me and treat me like a normal person instead of some deity.. i just wanted to give you these as a thank you.."

yujin nervously looks down at the floor with his face fully red. he tries to cover his blushy state with one hand but you noticed right away.

"i.. thank you, i don't really know what to say. don't hide yourself, yujin. you look so cute right now."

you teased him and removed his hand covering his face and held it. you remembered that he asked you to hang out with him, you can't miss that opportunity.

"uh, also, we can hang out another time if you want? i can ditch my friends-"

"what? no need to ditch your plans.. that's pretty ridiculous to do for someone you only interacted with a few times.."

"someone? you're the han yujin! even if i tell my friends they will probably get it.."

there goes your blushing yujin again. he's all giggly as well, you could honestly ditch everything just to see yujin blushing. maybe that's just how adorable he is.

"maybe we can hang out at the park, if you're free at saturday?"

and there it is. you finally got to have a pretty long conversation with him, is this a dream? whatever. you just had to get prepared for saturday, get your best outfit, maybe prepare incase anything happens.

"what do you mean you're gonna hang out with someone?"

gyuvin asks yujin confused, they had a packed up schedule and this is the first time yujin was able to hang out with someone.

"are they special? what did they do for that hang out? is it jiwon asking you to do your 'secret sessions'? what is it??"

gosh, gyuvin really sounds like a curious mother. curiosity kills the cat (ricky) you know? (probably why he's really curious)

"hyung, calm down. were only studying for a quiz.."

yujin looked down on the floor knowing he messed up big time, that horrible excuse did not do anything but peak gyuvin's curiosity more.

"a quiz?? you can ask hao hyung for help.. or maybe gunwook.. what is it that you need help for?? are you hiding something from me??"

yujin inhaled and tried to explain to gyuvin about everything.

"uhm.. iwantedtoaskjiwonforhelpbecauseilikesomeoneandiwantedtomakethefirstmovesoiaskedthemtohangoutwithmenowweregoingtotheparkonsaturdaybutidon'tknowwhattodo."

gyuvin's brain was processing on what yujin just said. holy, his son is a rapper too?

"wait wait, YOU LIKE SOMEONE??????"

gyuvin shouted out loud enough for the other members to hear.

"be quiet!"

hanbin, zhanghao, and ricky scolded gyuvin for #1 being too loud, #2 disrupting hao's precious beauty sleep, and #3 ricky just wants to scold gyuvin. gyuvin's jaw is still on the floor after what yujin just said. him? liking someone? his son is growing up?

"wait, i have an idea."

gyuvin dragged ricky and hanbin to a flower shop and asked hanbin which one should yujin pick for his.. crush..

"what are their preferences anyway?"

yujin looked around and spotted a bouquet full of pink tulips.

"this, i once saw in their instagram post that they liked pink tulips."

ricky looked at the price and the quality of the flowers. hanbin seemed impressed by yujin.

"pink tulips.. affection, caring, good wishes, and love.. not as deep at red tulips, which is good because you guys are still kids. impressive yujin."

ricky grabbed the bouquet and his wallet to pay for it. they walked out of the store and talked about what yujin should do on the way back to the dorms.

(i cant add more pics so pretend this is a divider)

it's saturday, you decided to pick a casual but good-looking outfit. you tried to look as presentable as you can, you're literally gonna hang out with an idol. yujin probably has better things to do.

you walked all the way to the park and waited for yujin to meet you at the spot you both agreed on. you waited for a little while until a familiar voice called your name. yujin walked up to you holding something behind his back with that cute smile he has.

"what's that behind your back?"

he slowly revealed the bouquet of pink tulips. you got flustered and took the bouquet, the price tag was still attached, it looks pretty expensive for flowers.. you looked at yujin in shock, how did he know? he just smiled in satisfaction. it's obvious that you love his gift.

"flowers, for you."

#riyangiis #yura.writes !#zb1 yujin #han yujin #han yujin x reader #yujin x reader #zb1 #zb1 x reader #zb1 fluff #zb1 imagines #zerobaseone #zerose.library

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charmandabear · 10 months ago

Note

18 for the smut ask game 😈 Astarion x Reader or Astarion x any OC of your choice 😩

oh fuck yes

From @astarionfreak's smut ask game ~ other entries

18. "I'm not going to beg." "Oh but you will."

This was supposed to be a short little drabble and then became a multi-day writing exercise 😭 I have a few more of these sitting in my inbox, so they'll be coming out eventually.

Note: I'm experimenting with writing the characters in Office Hours in third rather than second person. This isn't canonical, just me banging my dollies together to see what happens lol. But yes, in theory, Rosalind is Tav from Office Hours, if just slightly modified. She is also explicitly plus sized (which I plan to do in the edited version once OH is done.)

"I'm not going to beg," Astarion smirks, looking up at Rosalind over his glasses while his hands rest on her plush thighs straddling his lap. He leans against the back of the couch with unearned confidence.

"Oh, but you will." She ghosts her lips over his as she runs her fingers through the silvery curls at the back of his head. She grinds her hips against his, but his expression gives little away. Her only indication that he's struggling to remain stone-faced at all is the slight quaver in his breath. She captures his lips in hers, keeping the kiss languid and sensual. His hands travel up her hips and over the swell of her ass, resting on her lower back. She presses her tits into his chest, breathing deeply to push them into him further. She slides her hands down his neck, gently grazing against his earlobe and delighting in the subtle buck of his hips.

"Cheating," he murmurs into the kiss, and Rosalind's lips curl into a smile.

"Then you should have said something beforehand," she hums back, and her hands continue their journey down to his collar and begin to undo the buttons of his shirt. She fails to keep her own desires in check as she gets more desperate with each button. Her kisses grow frantic and his fingers dig into her ass, pulling her harder into his lap. When the last button slips through its hole, she roughly grabs his collar and yanks him off the couch to follow her lead. "Bedroom, now." Her voice is almost a growl and Astarion chuckles in response.

Rosalind continues to pull him backwards through her apartment and into her bedroom. She pushes him back onto the bed and peels off her shirt as he scoots himself into the center of her queen-sized mattress. She settles herself between his legs and dives down to plant sloppy kisses across his stomach. He slides his hand into her hair as she unbuckles his pants and flashes him a mischievous smile before pulling them down under his ass. He may have been able to keep his cool through her ministrations, but his cock standing fully erect tells a different story. She can feel her pussy clench instinctively as she thinks about sliding herself down on him. But not yet. He needs to beg for it first.

She leans forward onto her elbows with her ass in the air and flicks her gaze up towards Astarion, who studies her carefully. She runs a slow stripe up his shaft with the tip of her tongue and watches for the change in his breathing. She gently takes his tip in her mouth and swirls her tongue around it, gathering enough spit for her to take a hand and slide it down his length. He hisses lightly and his hands tighten in her hair.

"Hmm, you like that, don't you?" she whispers while slowly pumping his shaft with her hand.

"I- ah- I think I'm allowed to enjoy a blowjob from my girlfriend," he retorts in what's almost certainly a shakier voice than he intended. "I just said I wasn't going to beg."

"We'll see about that," Rosalind snickers and takes him back in her mouth, working the underside of his cock with her tongue. He grunts as he slams his fist down on the bed with a soft thump. She begins to twist her hand around the base of his cock as she bobs her mouth up and down the head. His hips twitch, like he's trying desperately to keep them still and failing. She reaches her other hand up and gives his balls a light squeeze, earning the softest moan in response.

She pulls away suddenly and he snaps his gaze to her at the loss of contact. She watches him smugly as she unhooks her bra and releases her impressive tits to hang down and ever so lightly brush against the head of his cock. He bites down on his lip, breathing growing more rapid as she lowers herself down and pins his cock between his stomach and her breasts.

"Gods, fuck," he groans, letting his head fall back onto the bed. She squeezes her tits around his length and strokes him, giving his tip a little lick when it pokes through her cleavage. Rosalind watches Astarion carefully as his erratic breaths wrack through his chest. She wraps her lips back around the head of his cock and takes him in as far as she comfortably can. She begins to suck lightly and his legs squeeze against her sides in response.

Once she feels that he's sufficiently worked up she pulls away and she's certain he's going to deny the little whimper that escapes his lips. She stands and slips out of her skirt, tights, and panties in one easy motion. He cranes his neck up to see where she's gone and she laughs.

"Someone's eager," she coos, crawling back onto the bed and straddling his hips. She lets her belly graze across his cock and he shudders, squeezing his eyes closed.

"I'm in complete control," he huffs without opening his eyes. She brings her face to his, hovering their lips inches apart.

"It's okay if you're not," she breathes, and his furrowed brow relaxes ever so slightly. "I've got you, I won't let you fall." She closes the distance and kisses him softly, and after a moment of tension he melts and wraps his arms around her neck.

She breaks the kiss and presses her forehead against his. "Are you still up for the challenge?" Her voice is still quiet but there's just a note of mischief. He takes off his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose. Then he opens his eyes and the corners of his mouth pique upwards ever so slightly.

"I am if you are," he says in a low rumble that he knows drives Rosalind crazy. She nips his bottom lip and takes his glasses out of his hand, placing them neatly on the bedside table. Then she lowers her hips to drag her folds along the length of his cock. He hisses and jerks his hips, then smirks and presses his lips together obstinately.

"Dick," she snickers.

"Yes, I do believe that's- ah- the point," he stutters as she teases the tip of his cock with her cunt again. Her mischievous grin widens as she pulls up on her knees, hovering over his erection.

"Anything to say?" she croons, and he lets out a breathy chuckle.

"Darling, I think you want it more than I do at this point."

"Oh me? I'm doing great." She leans back and rubs her slit along his cock again, letting her arousal coat his length. He keeps his lips pressed tightly together, but she can see a thin sheen of sweat forming on his brow. She continues to grind on his cock, starting to moan as her clit rubs against his wet shaft. He watches her with wild eyes as she gets herself off just by sliding herself along his dick. Her breathing picks up with her pace, whimpering in time with her rolling hips.

"Fuck, Rosalind," he's rasps, and her breath hitches when she hears him say her name.

"Mmf, yes babe?" She's struggling to keep it together just as much as he is, but she's determined to make him crack.

"Ha, you're close, aren't you?" He's panting but he keeps his eyes trained on her.

"Yes, but that wasn't part of the terms," she says hoarsely without slowing her movement.

"But wouldn't it just feel so much better to feel me inside you, my thick cock stretching you out?" he purrs, and she lets out a debaucherous whine.

"If you think so, then you know what you need to do," she says in a strained voice, knowing that she won't actually last much longer herself. She holds fast, and if it means coming on the side of his cock like she's a horny teenager and he's her pillow, so be it. She grinds against him faster, building herself back up to the edge.

"Fucking hells," he groans, letting his head fall back onto the bed. Leaning forward, his tip poised right at her entrance, she puts her lips close to his.

"Yes, hon?" she whispers, and she knows she's already won. He's barely hiding his whimpers anymore.

"I- gods, fuck." His hips thrust up instinctively, but she shifts out of the way.

"Say it, Astarion," she hisses through gritted teeth.

"Rosalind, I- ah-"

She slides her hands into his hair and pulls hard. "Say. It."

"Fuck, Rosalind, please. Please, gods, let me fuck you." His mewling whine is utterly delicious, and they both groan loudly when she drops her hips and sinks onto his cock. He digs his fingers into her thick flesh, thrusting up into her as she slams back down. Moving together like this, it doesn't take long for them to both to reach the precipice. Rosalind pulls Astarion's face into a rough kiss while continuing to furiously ride his dick. He bites on her lip hard enough to draw blood and she moans into his mouth. Once the taste of iron hits both their tongues their orgasms crash down on them in unison, their hips jutting in time as they ride through wave after wave.

They eventually still, panting heavily with their foreheads pressed together. Astarion's eyes flutter open and he kisses Rosalind, tenderly sucking on the wound he made on her lower lip. A light giggle escapes her as she pulls herself off him.

"Told you," she says with a positively insufferable grin.

#office hours #sorta #bg3 smut #astarion smut #baldur's gate 3 smut #astarion fanfic #astarion x tav #astarion x oc #astarion fluff #smut ask game

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floret-affini-research · 3 months ago

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RESEARCH LOG 014

RESEARCHER M. Arum

Opening file...

I have finally begun to regain consciousness and mild physical control over my body. I am still mostly relying on being carried around by Mistress which, while a lovely and most heavenly feeling, has absolutely thrown my exercise routine into disarray. Mistress says that I shouldn't be moving on my own for a while anyway, but I'd like to be able to do something.

On a different note, I have given my thanks to Marianna for keeping my logs up to date, even if the way she has written them is highly unprofessional. This is still a researcher journal, even if it is easily publicly acceptable. But I thanked her regardless. She had asked me for some rather... physical affection in order to thank her but I declined due to not reaching such levels of comfortability. I did, however, give here a gentle kiss upon her lips. She seemed rather joyous about that as she then spent the next 12 minutes (I timed it) running around and jumping in the air. I will admit, she is very adorable and pretty when doing so. She is so very sweet and kind to me.

As for my research, it seems I will have to wait until the implant is no longer impairing me in order to continue any kind of interview or in person interaction. I will attempt to see what I can do from my bed in the mean time. Research waits for no one.

Wellness check, may as well see how my health is after several days of nothing but rest.

Physical health: Average, onset muscle atrophy due to minimal movement within past few days, exercise and consumption of nutrients recommended

Mental health: Optimal

Emotional health: Optimal

Addendum: I do not enjoy asking for assistance in my research as I do not believe it will allow for accurate results. However, as I am still not fully recovered and thus still unable to conduct interviews or research, I am reaching out now. Would there happen to be any fellow researchers or florets who would willing to speak of their experiences with their Affini owner? I thank any of you in advance for such assistance. If anything, Mistress says I should be able to move again in about a day or two.

(>>Hiiii everyone, out of character moment here. Genuinely thank you to everyone reading, this has been tons of fun so far! Gonna take a little break from this series just cause I can feel myself starting to burn out a bit, but I'll be back soon! Thanks for understanding <3<3)

#hdg #human domestication guide #affini #personal log

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p0orbaby · 1 year ago

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Pandoras Box

Summary - Days of waiting has lead to this moment, but your waking may have unearthed more questions than answers

Authors note - I’ve rewritten this like three times and I hate it but here we are

Warnings - mentions of; drugs, forced usage, alcohol I think? Hospital setting, (inaccurate) medical talk, addiction recovery, Wanda being a sad bean

Word count - 4.3k

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There’s nothing more disorienting than waking up in a place you don’t remember going to sleep in.

As a child, falling asleep on the couch and waking up in your bed the next morning felt like magic. As an adult the magic is quickly replaced by some sort of negative emotion. Dread. Confusion. Fear. It raises questions that you might not want the answers to.

You stirred to the gentle beeping sounds of machines on either side of your head. The sterile smell of cleaning products and clinically fresh sheets took over your senses. Well, whatever ones you were able to determine still worked. It was unsettling and confusing not knowing where you were or how you got there.

Your head was groggy. Filled with fog and a pounding that made you close your eyes tight to relieve some pressure. To ground yourself. Gain some sort of balance back to an already unstable start.

Where were you? The question swam through your mind as you tried to think. The last thing you remember was…you weren’t exactly sure. You tried to conjure memories but your head hurt too much to make any clear sense of what could have happened.

Then when a warm hand clutched your cold one and a brush of lips ghosted over your temple, it was as if fog had cleared. You could feel the familiar throb where the I.V. was inserted into the skin of your hand. The stiff sheets rough against your sensitive skin. The scratch of a pen nib on paper attached to a clipboard.

“Vitals are stable. Heart rate has increased slightly, but that’s normal and nothing I’m too concerned about. Their consciousness is catching up so they should hopefully come around fully soon”

“Thank you, Doctor. Really”

Hospital.

“No need to thank me, it’s what we do. I’ll be back in a few minutes to check on your wife’s progress. In the meantime just sit and wait. A friendly face is always reassuring to patients when they wake up”

There was rustling of what you presumed was a doctor's coat, and the tapping of several feet on the tile floor. Then it was quiet. For a time anyway. It was Wanda’s small sob that cut through the beeping and the muted bustle of the corridor outside.

“Please Y/N, can you just wake up already?” She choked through gasps of air. You could tell she was trying to keep it together. God knows how long you’d been in hospital for. Or how long she’s been waiting by your bedside. Guilt flooded through you as your mind raced with the whats and the how’s and the why’s.

So with as much strength you could muster up with what little energy you had, you squeezed your wife’s hand. It was gentle, a barely there gesture, but she felt it. You knew she did because she sucked in a breath and squeezed back.

You did it again.

So did she.

When you finally opened your eyes, your eyelids fluttered at the harsh lights of the hospital room. Lashes fanning your cheeks. The light made your vision hazy. Blurred around the edges as you tried to focus on the indistinct figures that surrounded you. Then like a beacon of hope, a light emerging from the dark, you saw her.

Wanda. Your Wanda. Her eyes were filled with both relief and concern. Red rimmed, from tears, you suspected. Or tiredness. Worry even. Her free hand soft against your cheek, the pad of her thumb delicately tracing a line under your eye. Her touch was gentle and full of love. As it always was. The weight of her presence washed over you suddenly. Having to catch up to how your body craved her. As if you’d been without her for months, though you only remember seeing her the same morning.

The clearing of a throat sounded from the foot of your bed. More silhouettes emerged, making themselves known. Your eyes slowly finding Tony, his usual cocky demeanor was replaced by a somber expression of furrowed brows and a downward curve to his mouth. A look you know comes from a place of seriousness.

He had Natasha standing next to him. Her arms folded over her chest, nails digging into the leather of her jacket. A gesture stemmed from stress, you’d learnt. Years of knowing her made things like that hard to hide. It made you wonder why you were here. Why your friends surrounded you, protesting signs of worry you hadn’t been privy to for years. You were to find out what happened to you as you tried to make the mental calculations with what little information you had.

Wanda’s voice broke the silence, her words wavering. “You scared me”, her voice filled with a raw vulnerability you don’t often hear from a woman so strong. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you”

Your eyes welled up instinctively at her words. The weight of them seemed to sit on your chest in a way you couldn’t explain.

Tony stepped forwards then, his voice filled with both concern and sternness. You got flashbacks to your younger years at his tone. “I can’t say I’m happy with how you got here, but I’m sure as hell relieved you’re back with us”

Natasha nodded in agreement. “Gave us all a bit of a heart attack” she added.

You went to reply, to try to ask some of the questions you had plaguing your mind, but your mouth was so dry only a croak managed to find its way out. A nurse brought a plastic cup of water to your lips out of nowhere. The liquid was cool against your dehydrated skin.

“There’s no need to speak right now, Y/N”. Another voice was added to the mix. You turned your head so you could see who it was coming from. You gathered it was the person stood with a clipboard. The one you heard being written on earlier you presumed. “It’s good to see you awake. I’m Doctor Evans. You’ve been through a lot, but you’re on the path to recovery now”

Recovery? Your mind raced, trying to recall the events that could have led up to a moment like this. The doctor's expression softened slightly as they registered your confusion. Your worry.

“You were in an induced coma” they explained gently. “You had a drug overdose and we had to intervene to stabilise your condition. A critical one, I admit, but lucky for you and your family, you’ve pulled through with the help of our team”

As Doctor Evans shared the details, a flurry of emotions overcame you. Shame. Fear. Confusion. A drug overdose? That can’t be true can it?

“I- I’m sorry?” You finally croaked out. “A drug-“

“We have a team of specialists that can support you,” the doctor continued. His statement filled with genuine concern. “We’ll address not only the physical aspects, but also the underlying issues that may have contributed to this situation. Recovery is possible, and you don’t have to face it alone”

How could this happen? You’ve been clean from drugs for years. You’ve fought tooth and nail to break free from the clutches of addiction. The torment of those dark days will forever be etched deep within your memory. A constant and serious reminder of the uphill battle you have faced. So why now? How did you end up in this hospital bed, fighting for your life once again?

The hospital room was dimly lit. The day had gotten away from the two of you. Emotions of the news and circumstances you found yourself in making the sterile air around you thick with, something. Guilt perhaps. Or anger. Wanda could sense it too. She was feeling much of the same. Guilt that she didn’t spot the signs. Anger that you’d jeopardise everything you’d built together over the years in just one night.

She sat at the edge of the bed, her eyes shining from frustrated tears. Finger fidgeting with the loose threads of the old sweater she wore.

She’d dismissed Tony and Natasha hours ago and sat stewing in your room whenever she found the chance. Her gaze was fixed on you, her once soft demeanor now replaced with a torrent of rigid emotions. Years had passed since this topic had made her feel this way. With sobriety being your focus for so long. But the scars it had left on her heart were far from healed. And now they’ve been reopened, it made her wonder if they had ever healed at all.

Her voice trembled as she began to speak, her words full of disappointment as you braced yourself for something more than a slap in the wrist. "Do you have any idea what you have put me through these last few days? The fear, the uncertainty? I thought I was going to lose you, and I was left here thinking about how I'd have to raise our children alone. Do you even know how much I worried that I might become a widow, that my children might never know their mother?"

You cringed. You could feel the weight of her words crushing you, the guilt seeping into your bones as you looked at the floor from where you sat defeatedly between the sheets. Unable to meet her gaze, like a child being disciplined. Wanda's anger was justified, of course it was. Her tears only adding to the heaviness of the moment. The magnitude of the potential consequences of your actions.

"I can't believe you would be so reckless, so selfish," she continued, her voice breaking as she struggled to keep her composure. "You have a family, responsibilities. And you almost threw it all away. All for a fucking high!”

The room seemed to close in around you, the seriousness of everything weighing heavily on your chest. Crushing you under its unforgiving thumb. You hadn't had the chance to truly grasp the extent of the pain you had caused until now, even as your brain swam with questions. But as Wanda's voice cracked and tears streamed down her face, whatever happened has shaken her in a way you never wanted to be responsible for. Not again.

You looked at her finally. Her throat blushing red with rage as she seemingly held back more things she wanted to get off of her chest. Eyes glistening in the low light of the lamp on your bedside. You weren’t sure how you ended up in this situation, but you knew that facing your wife and all her anger was essential. That only through this confrontation could you hope to mend the wounds you had inflicted. It was a reckoning long overdue, a storm that needed to be weathered before the healing could begin.

“I’m so sorry, Wanda,” you eventually managed to whisper, your voice heavy with remorse. Timid. “I never meant to hurt you like this. I- I don’t know how it happened”

Wanda’s anger seemed to ebb ever so slightly, replaced by what can only be described as exhaustion. She was tired. Of what specifically you didn’t know. But you’d bet you and your antics were high on her list. She wiped her tears roughly with the back of her hand, taking a shuddering breath. “I need you to listen. I need you to fully understand how scared I was, how close I was to losing everything. Our family was almost shattered because of your stupidity. For God sake Y/N, you have a family!. What the fuck were you thinking?”

Tears welled up in your eyes again. Replacing the drying ones. A potent cocktail of emotions bubbling within you. “I don’t know. Shit, Wanda I don’t know! I have no excuses. I was foolish, thoughtless even” you stopped to suck in a breath. To gather yourself slightly. “I’m sorry, but I- I don’t even know what I’m sorry for. For everything I guess”. There was nothing else you can say, really. Nothing would ever reach the corners it needed to. Not yet anyway. Not until you yourself could understand what was going on.

However much you believed them, the words tasted bitter in your mouth. Not because you didn’t mean them exactly, but you felt like you were apologising for something you weren't conscious of doing. Like being ridiculed for sleepwalking, or cheating on someone in a dream. How could you really apologise for something you couldn’t even recall?

Wanda’s anger looked to soften further. She knew you were trying. She’s not blind to your struggles. And the tears now flowing down your cheeks made her heart ache for you. She reached out, taking your hand in hers. It was a small gesture, but it held a world of forgiveness and understanding. “We’re a team, and we need to be there for each other, especially for our children. But you have to promise me that you’ll never put us through something like this again”

“I promise,” you said, your voice filled with sincerity. “I promise that I’ll do everything in my power to be a better wife, a better parent. I won’t ever let this happen again. I swear”

Wanda’s grip on your hand tightened, her eyes reflecting a mix of emotions back at you. Relief, love, and the beginnings of forgiveness. She leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead, a gesture of reassurance that you were still loved, even through the darkest moments. It softened you around the edges. Like butter at room temperature.

“I want to meet them,” you said quietly. Not having to elaborate what you meant. “Please Wanda, I’ve already missed so much”

“They’re beautiful, Wands” you choke as you brush the tip of your finger over the eyebrow of one twin, Billy, who sleeps peacefully in your arms. “Perfect. The two of them”

You awoke almost three days ago. The tiredness slowly but surely removing itself from your body as you healed. Almost three days of fighting sleep and nagging Wanda to wheel the boys in so you could meet them, until the doctor finally deemed you well enough to have some time together. And Wanda had decided you'd earnt your right to be introduced to your children.

“He’s got your nose” you state. Not to her specifically, but just out loud. Voicing your observations into the quiet of the room.

“They’ve both got your pout. Maybe you’ll see it if they wake up wanting to be fed” your wife responds as she gently turns the other twin, Tommy, in her arms so you can see him better. “They’re milking me dry”

You laugh but wince slightly as your head throbs. Still sore but better than the previous days. Painkillers helping ease some of the discomfort.

“I’m not sure if you would. Breastfeed, I mean. You didn’t know whether you’d be up for it”

It was a conversation the two of you had a while back. In a rare moment of peace, her back to your front in the tub. Your hands gently placed on her bump as you kissed the damp skin on her shoulder and neck languidly. She never did give you a full answer.

“The lactation consultant suggested I give it a go. They both latched with little struggle so I thought why not? But I do a bottle feed if they get hungry close together”

You hummed in response. That made sense.

“Do you want to help do the next one? The nurses have been good. They’ve moved us into a family suite so we’ve got everything we need. Diapers, formula, the works”

“You don’t want to go home? Get them used to their cribs?” It wasn't a demand. Your questions came from pure curiosity. It wasn’t often you got people volunteering to stay in hospitals longer than they needed to. Especially with healthy newborns they wanted to get home and show off.

“I didn’t want to take them home without you. We’re a family. We do those things together”

“I love you” you found yourself saying. You were about to lean over, to kiss your wife to confirm what you said was true, when the baby in her arms started to fuss. His little face screwed up, making it go red. Fists clenched next to his head.

“I told you they have your pout” she stated, looking down at the boy with a smirk. “Swap?” She asks suddenly.

You maneuver yourself on the mattress so you can take one child from your wife and give her the other. A move you think you’ll both have mastered in weeks to come. Tommy starts to grunt the longer he has to wait for food. Another trait from yourself he seems to have inherited already. Poor thing.

Wanda hands you a bottle she seemed to make without you even realising. Pressing it into your palm as you settled the baby correctly in your arms.

“If you gently touch the nipple of the bottle against his lips. He should open his mouth reflexively”. You do as she says, hanging onto every word as she directs you. The rubber tip of the bottle against the boy's lips prompts him to open, as expected. “Now if you keep the bottle mostly horizontal, but tipped a little, the milk should come out when he sucks”

Then, just like that, his little hands reached for the bottle over yours, his face unfurled and his eyes opened, revealing two baby blues that you’d never forget.

“See, you’re a natural”

With impending crying now under control, it gave you the chance to admire what you have. Looking at your boys angelic faces, coming to realise how unique they are, yet also undeniably a reflection of you and Wanda. Tommys tiny fingers wrap about your own. Billy huffs dramatically as he finds comfort in Wanda’s arms. A wife that you wouldn’t change for the world.

It makes your heart swell.

There in the quiet room of the hospital, listening to their delicate breaths fill the space, a new chapter of your life begins. A new opportunity. A silent vow to give these precious souls a lifetime of cherished memories.

Then, as if some higher being was against you, a loud knock on the door broke you out of your moment, causing the pair of you and the two boys in your arms to jump. The catalyst of wailing and screaming breaking the surface of a once calm storm.

You and Wanda both turned your heads in annoyance, staring daggers at whoever it was that had just upset the twins.

“Shit, sorry guys” one man said, and you realised it was Steve as he shuffled into the room, followed by Bucky in tow. “The doctor said we were fine to come in”

Your heart softened a fraction at the sight of your friends, their familiar faces offering a small semblance of comfort amidst the irritation flooding through your body.

Wanda, her emotions still raw, hot one minute, cold the next, shot them both a pointed look before turning away, gathering the boys, and heading toward the door. Her shoulders tense with frustration. She didn’t say anything as she left, her silence a heavy reminder of the impact of your actions despite everything. Despite the progress you had made over the last few days. You felt for Bucky and Steve having to be on the wrong end of Wanda’s animosity towards you.

There was no doubt in your mind you still had a lot of making up to do.

Once the door closed behind her, Steve and Bucky exchanged a concerned glance before approaching the bed, their expressions showing worry and trepidation. “Hey, how are you holding up?” Steve asked gently, his blue eyes reflecting genuine concern.

You managed a weak smile, feeling a lump forming in your throat. “I’m- I’m struggling, Steve” you said honestly, wondering if you should lie to save face. “It’s hard to see how much I hurt her. How I almost destroyed our family. Even though my brain doesn’t want to tell me how”

Bucky placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. “We know you’re going through a lot right now, but we’re here for you. And we’re going to help you get through this”

Steve nodded in agreement. “And part of that might involve talking about what happened”

You groaned, turning away from them to look out of the window. Keeping your eyes trained on the birds flying outside to try and block out their voices.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it right now, Y/N. But it’s important, really important, that you try and give us some insights to what might have happened”

You know Steve, you know his train of thought. He was gearing up to interrogate you. As a friend sure, but the fact he was in his uniform didn’t go unnoticed. Not by you, and certainly not by Wanda. The knife twisting a little deeper.

“Do you remember anything from that night? Any people or places that come to mind?”

You sighed, your gaze dropping to your hands as you wracked your brain for answers. The memories were hazy, a disjointed blur of emotions and actions that were hard to piece together. “I… I don’t remember much. I was at a club-“

“Andromeda” Bucky interjected.

“Yeah, I think that was it” you carried on, clearing your throat. “And I was with someone, a friend but, I can’t…” you trailed off, frustration welling up within you as you struggled to grasp the elusive fragments of memory.

Steve leaned in slightly, his expression gentle. “It’s alright, take your time. If anything comes back to you, even small details, it might help us piece some things together”

Closing your eyes, you tried to focus on the scene in your mind. The thumping bass of the music, the flashing lights, the feeling of being lost in a crowd. A snapshot memory of a moment frozen in time. Fog on a highway. There, but untouchable.

“I remember the club scene,” you began, your voice distant as if you were reliving it. “The music was pounding, people dancing. And exit sign”

Bucky’s understanding gaze encouraged you to continue. “Go on”

“I remember wanting to leave. Then being stopped. Being grabbed” you continued, your words slowly coming together as you sifted through the recollections. “And then… I remember being dragged into a room. It was dark, and they offered me something. I didn’t want to, but they were insistent”

Your head hurt. The effort of trying to think back last the fog and the pain. You shook your head slightly to clear your mind, but it didn’t help. Anxiety rising in your chest as your body remembered something your brain couldn’t.

Steve’s jaw tightened, his concern deepening. “They forced you?”

You nodded weakly, your heart heavy as more memories started to resurface. “I think soz I remember it was aggressive. I felt trapped and scared. I didn’t know what was happening, but they… they made me”

Bucky’s grip on your shoulder tightened, his expression full of anger and empathy as he absorbed your words. Their meaning . “You didn’t deserve that, no one does.”

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions as the memories continued to resurface with more clarity. “After that, everything’s a blur. I remember feeling numb, disoriented. The edges of reality were all fuzzy, and I couldn’t tell what was real anymore. I just…I know I wanted to keep Wanda safe”

As the room seemed to fade around you, you could feel their presence grounding you, anchoring you to the present moment.

“And then?” Bucky prompted softly.

“And then, then I must have blacked out,” you whispered, a shiver running down your spine as you recalled the darkness that had swallowed you whole. “I woke up days later in a hospital bed. I was so confused, disoriented. It felt like I had lost chunks of time”

Steve’s voice was gentle but persistent. “Thank you for sharing. I don’t want to push, but do you think you could remember who you were there with, at first? Who you went to the club with?”

You frowned, your brows furrowing as you tried to sift through the haze of memories. It was as if you were grasping at fragments in a foggy mirror, the pieces eluding your grasp. “I- I can’t quite remember. It’s like some parts are missing, and the rest are so jumbled.”

Bucky offered you a reassuring smile, his eyes filled with understanding. “It’s okay if you can’t recall everything right now. Memories can be tricky, especially in times of stress”

You nodded, a sense of frustration mingling with your gratitude for their patience. “I wish I had more answers”

Steve’s expression softened. “You’re doing your best, and that’s all anyone can ask for. The fact that you’re trying to piece this together shows that you want to help”

Bucky’s grip on your shoulder remained steady. “We’re here to support you, no matter what. And if more memories come back, or if you need someone to talk to, we’ll be by your side”

The weight of their reassurance was a comforting balm, soothing the ache of uncertainty that had been gnawing at you. The road to healing wasn’t easy, and the journey to unravel the events of that fateful night was like navigating a maze in the dark. You were taking steps toward understanding, toward forgiveness, both from those around you and from yourself, and you were determined to see it through, one memory at a time.

Steve knew this. Bucky too. They, along with everyone around you will do everything they can to get to the bottom of what happened that night.

But the way they looked at each other as you closed your eyes, tiredness washing over you again, spoke a thousand words.

They knew that what happened, what went on inside that club that night, wasn't by chance. And they needed to find out why.

Taglist

General Taglist: @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @jromanoff @diaryoflife @xxromanoffxx @marrymemcgrath @smileyromanoff @rice-wiife @homiesexyall @wanda-is-my-joker @wackymcstupid @when-wolves-howl @sayah13 @lesbicentism

OTM Series Taglist: @lattayhottay16 @fxckmiup @laylasbunbunny @raqelacevedo @marvelogic @wandsgale @smromanoff @alwaysbimyself-blog @holiday-house-of-m @cherlenovix @theenglishswiftie

W.M Taglist: @olsensnpm @anaaam @wandsmxmff

#one too many #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #mom!wanda #mom!wanda x reader #wanda maximoff angst #angst

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honeylemonteaasblog · 8 months ago

Text

Loved You Once

summary: Our MC, Jia, moves back to Korea after living abroad and reconnects with the boys, including Jungkook, the boy who has been in love with her since they were kids.

pairing: Jungkook x Reader (Named MC)

genre: angst, some fluff, healing

word count: 6.3 k

warning (triggers— please read them): domestic abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation, implied physical abuse, trauma, depression, talk of mental health

note: I tried to portray mental health in a real way that represented trauma and abuse without romanticizing it. I understand that parts of this may be difficult to read, but I also firmly believe that we should talk about mental health, trauma, and abuse in an effort to create safe spaces for survivors’ stories. Please let me know if anyone has advice or concerns about writing about sensitive topics. I’d love to hear it.

“Did you hear? Jia’s back.” Jungkook’s head snapped to Hoseok. It looked like the rest of the boys were also surprised. Your family had moved to the states when you were still in high school. You all had maintained your friendship for a while through excessive texting and random facetimes, but the distance made it difficult. Then, life got really busy and you all fell out of touch. Well, you fell out of touch with them; they still talked with each other.

It was something that the boys would never forgive themselves for. They had each other, but they felt like they had abandoned you. Even if that wasn’t the case and you didn’t actually blame them. The boys felt bad that they were all friends still and didn’t even know how you were doing. They don’t check in anymore. They were supposed to be your best friends, but they had done a horrible job of maintaining that relationship. However, it was also something they would never admit to each other. Mostly because they didn’t want to say it out loud. None of them had talked to you in years.

“I overheard my mom talking to her mom.” Hoseok admits. They could see the frown on his face. And they could all relate. They wish that they didn’t need to resort to overhearing their parents’ conversation to hear about their best friend’s life. Well, the girl who used to be their best friend, now they aren’t sure where they stand anymore. It’s not like they had planned on growing apart. They still cared for you. Now, it’s just… hard.

Jungkook wasn’t sure how to make sense of his emotions. Of course, the 8 of you had been best friends, but he was in love with you. He thinks that he had always loved you, even before he had realized it. But you moved away before he was able to fully understand that you were the love of his life and he would never be able to love someone else like he loves you. He’s not trying to be dramatic, he had a few girlfriends. It’s just that he quickly realized that none of them were you. You were across the ocean. Then, he remembers seeing an instagram post about an anniversary and decided that he needed to move on. You looked happy in the photo and he decided that he couldn’t threaten that by claiming that you were the love of his life. He couldn’t just barge into your life after abandoning you. It’s just, that he couldn’t get over you. How was anyone supposed to get over you?

“Maybe she’ll come to the event on Friday?” Seokjin wondered aloud. Hoseok’s family and your family were close. So, if you were back in town it made sense that you would be at the Jung family’s charity event. Your parents would be there. They just didn’t know how to prepare for seeing you. Were they supposed to act like nothing happened? Were they supposed to beg for your forgiveness and apologize profusely? It’s not like you had made an effort to maintain your friendship either. It was just… that life got busy. They would never hold that against you though. Your entire life changed. They were the ones that were supposed to keep your life stable, but they didn’t.

“I guess we will see in a few days.”

You sat in front of your vanity for a while because you couldn’t bring yourself to get up. You had already finished getting ready but you didn’t want to go down stairs because then you would have to see all the people that you had left. Your family had moved while you were in high school, but your parents moved back to Korea when you went to university. You had gotten a scholarship and didn’t want to waste it, so you stayed. It was one of the hardest decisions you had ever made. You didn’t know if you could live in the states without your family. But you were also in love, which made the decision easier though you would deny it.

You lived in the states for four years as you finished college. You had a masters program lined up but then everything went to shit— well everything was already shit, you just hadn’t realized it yet. You hated yourself for dropping out of the masters program. It had been one of the most competitive programs in the country and you just… left it. Even though you know it’s not your fault (a fact that your therapist made sure to remind you over and over until you could remind yourself), it feels like your fault. It feels like you gave up.

You blink away the tears. You had spent way to long on your make up to ruin it now. “Let’s get this over with” You mutter to yourself. You are already tired just thinking about the small talk.

To be honest, you hadn’t thought about seeing the boys. Of course they were your best friends, but now they weren’t. Unlike the boys suspected, you didn’t blame them. You had drifted away from them and you knew that they were pursuing their dreams. You would never let your problems hold them back. But that means you also hadn’t thought about seeing them. Ever since getting back you had been struggling, so no offense to the boys, but they weren’t really the priority.

You allowed yourself one deep breath before pushing the door open. The event was being held down stairs so you knew that you wouldn’t have much time to steel yourself once you left the room. You had to be prepared before you left.

The room was beautiful. It was like an extravagant ballroom fit for a gala. Hoseok’s family had gone all out this year. The doors at the back opened into a garden. You could see a beautiful water fountain out in the garden. You knew that you would spend most of the evening outside, hiding away from everything else. It’s not that you didn’t want to see anyone, it’s just that you had only gotten back a little more than a week ago. That’s not a lot of time to adjust to life in Korea again. Let alone, prepare for the Jung Family’s charity event, which was always an impressive event.

You didn’t see the boys until the event was almost over. You had been successfully hiding in the garden for most of the night. But the fountain was really beautiful so you decided to sit on one of the benches. Yoongi had seen you sitting there for a little while and decided that he had to consult the rest of his friends to decide what they should do. To decide how to approach you. What to talk about and which questions were good questions. How not to overwhelm you. They knew all of them going over at once would probably be overwhelming, but none of them would wait. They didn’t even play rock paper scissors to decide; the stakes were too high and no one wanted to risk losing.

Besides, if some people were forced to stay back, they would most likely end up watching from the bushes and that would be even more awkward when you inevitably noticed.

You looked up when you heard the footsteps approaching. Your eyes widened comically and the boys thought that you were about to begin a long rant about how everything was there fault. They really should have kept in touch just to save themselves the scolding. But you didn’t. You simply took two long strides and threw yourself into Jungkook’s arms. Jungkook easily caught you. Like the rest of them, he was surprised, but he didn’t dare not catch you. You felt Jin pat your head, ruffling your hair. You turned to glare at him, but kept your arms wrapped around Jungkook.

“Jia, it’s been so long. We’re sorry we didn’t keep in touch.” You simply waved Namjoon off, much to the boys surprise. “Life got busy.” You reply. That was the understatement of the year.

“We have plenty of time to catch up.” You reassure them, still clinging to Jungkook. Though you reluctantly pull away and put some distance between the two of you so you can hug the rest of the boys. Jungkook thought he felt physical pain when he let you go.

You always knew that Jungkook had a crush on you, and you thought it was adorable. Mostly because you thought Jungkook was adorable. When you left you had a crush on him too. The secretly-writing-in-your-diary, middle-school-love, innocent kind of crush. The one that you would never act on because it was too pure for this world. The love that you would hold on to when other boys broke your heart to prove that love really did exist. But then you had been in the States and Jungkook was here. You couldn’t let yourself be stuck on him. Then, you fell in love with another man and dreamed of marrying him and your children and a happy ever after. You dreamed of experiencing the love that you felt for Jungkook with another man. You should have noticed that first mistake, to think that that love could be replicated. None of those dreams worked out, but despite all of it, you never didn’t love Jungkook. He was your first love. Deep down, you think you’ve only loved Jungkook, but you aren’t ready to think too much about that yet.

So the rest of the night you keep your distance from Jungkook and catch up with the boys on what you’ve missed. You fill them in on some of what they’ve missed, but you decide to keep most of the shit show that is your life to yourself. It’s not that you think the boys would judge you, but some things you aren’t ready to admit out loud to anyone, not even in your room by yourself with no one else home.

When you leave the boys at the end to the night you all decide to meet the next morning at one of your favorite cafes. You used to go there multiple times a week when you all were still in high school, before you left of course.

You knew that today was going to be a hard day as soon as you woke up. The past week you had been full of energy and happiness, most of which you attribute to seeing the boys again for the first time and having your schedule packed with cafe hopping and catching up with their lives. But here you were, lying in bed with the covers pulled over your head, crying for no real reason other than that today sucks. It was only 9 in the morning. You were supposed to meet up with Jungkook, Jin, and Yoongi for brunch, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. You wanted to curl up and die.

Are you being dramatic right now, of course. But that’s also the reality of life. Some days are harder than others. And today is one of those. Once your life went to shit and you realized the love of your life was not in fact the love of your life, there were a lot of hard days. You tried to power through them through sheer determination and will power, but quickly realized that you were too exhausted. You had been fighting to stay afloat for so long as your life tried to drown you, that you didn’t even have any fight left once you realized that you were being drowned in the first place.

It took you a while to realize, and accept, that somedays were slow days. The days when you let your self roll around in bed and cry without needing to feel guilty. The days when you ate all the chocolate in your apartment and didn’t change out of your pajamas. Honestly, there were a lot of those days.

It is admittedly harder to allow yourself those slow days when your back in Seoul, and when you have brunch plans in a couple of hours. But you are also well aware that you aren’t going to be able to show up for brunch in a few hours. It’s simply not something you have the energy to do and that’s okay. The boys will understand. They have to. If they don’t, and they aren’t able to accept this new, broken version of yourself, then you aren’t sure how your friendship will work. And you can’t lose them all over again. So, they have to understand that sometimes there are hard days and you won’t be able to make it to brunch.

You reach over to your nightstand to text the new group chat, with you and the boys. You send out a text about not being able to make it to brunch, you aren’t completely sure what to tell them and you don’t want to lie. You decide to leave it ambiguous and hope that they don’t read into it. When you sit up in bed and assess your situation, you think that your therapist would be proud of you. Recognizing your emotions. Setting boundaries. Communication.

You realize that, despite everything, you are proud of yourself.

Today’s slow day will start with a bath, you decide. And ordering pastries and coffee from your favorite cafe.

The boys are all gathered in Namjoon’s office reading your text, again.

“I’m sorry I can’t make it to brunch today. I’d love to reschedule tho. Some time later this week work?”

They had called an emergency meeting as soon as they had seen the text this morning, despite some of the boys working. They rearranged their schedules for it. They didn’t want to seem overbearing. You had just gotten back from the States. And they have been making plans with you constantly for the past week. Now that they think about it, it might have been a little overbearing. Okay, definitely overbearing.

There was something formal about your text that they couldn’t figure out. Hence the impromptu meeting. You didn’t make an excuses or claim that you were tired. You just said that you weren’t coming. Honestly, it stumped them. It made them feel like something was wrong. But they weren’t sure how to ask if something was wrong without being even more overbearing than they already were.

Hoseok had asked your parents where you were staying, claiming that they wanted to deliver some food for you. But they also didn’t want to intrude on your space. And you clearly wanted some space. They just also wanted to check on you. They needed to check on you. Ultimately, that was the deciding factor. The guilt of the past years was consuming them whole and they couldn’t bare the idea of you hurting in your apartment alone as they continued on with everyday life.

They decided on Jungkook heading over to your apartment to check on you. If anyone was going to get through to you, it’d be Jungkook. And if anyone needed to see you and make sure you were okay, it’d be Jungkook.

Jungkook got to your apartment before you had time to order from the cafe which would have been bad because you really wanted coffee and a chocolate croissant. But Jungkook brought coffee and a chocolate croissant.

You still made him sit on the couch until you had drank half the coffee. And he was happy to wait, he thought that you looked like you needed the coffee. It made Jungkook happy that he was the one to bring you the coffee.

You looked exhausted. He could see bags under your eyes but he couldn’t tell if they were from last night or it was the first time he was seeing you without makeup since you had gotten back. You were wearing a sweatshirt and baggy sweatpants that seemed to be swallowing you whole. You looked really comfortable. And cute. Like really cute, but in a way that made Jungkook want to pull you into his arms and cuddle with you for the rest of eternity kind of way.

“Why did you come?” You didn’t bother asking how he knew where you lived, you knew your parents would’ve provided the information easily. They adored the seven boys who both protected and comforted you throughout your childhood. Jungkook watches you with careful eyes considering your reaction. He doesn’t see any anger.

“You look exhausted.” Jungkook didn’t really mean to say that, but he couldn’t help himself. “Are you sleeping okay?” He is suddenly overcome with guilt. The boys had wanted to make up for the past, they had wanted to learn about your life without them, and they had wanted to share their lives with you. Suddenly, Jungkook wasn’t sure if that was the right choice. They should’ve let you settle in and get adjusted to life in Seoul, rather than drag you around where they wanted to go. They shouldn’t have pushed so hard.

You laugh a little, breaking Jungkook out of his mental spiral. Guilt can do that to you, especially when it’s a little misplaced.

“I am, but that’s why I’m in Seoul. Right?” Your voice is firm, but vulnerable. Jungkook wants to push because he wants to understand what that means. Were you not sleeping well in the States? When he looks into your eyes he sees a vulnerability that tells him not to push you. So, he holds his tongue and instead reaches over and pulls you closer into his side.

“Then let’s rest.” Jungkook doesn’t leave room for your protests. But when he glances down at you, he doesn’t think you were ever going to. You simply burrow into the couch more and suggest that Jungkook turn a show on.

By the end of the first episode, you are asleep and Jungkook is smiling.

This is what the boys should have been doing, even well you were so far away. They should have found a way to comfort you, even when you didn’t ask for it. Especially when you didn’t ask for it. They should have showed up for you, both metaphorically but also literally. Why hadn’t they ever visited you?

The next few weeks are slower. You and the boys still go to brunch and try as many new cafes as you can. You still learn about each other’s lives and introduce each other to the new parts of yourself. You can tell that they care. It’s just like how they used to be: a perfect mix of protective and caring while creating space for you to be the person you want to be.

There are moments, mostly in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep, that you think about how they stopped reaching out after you went to the states. But even in those moments you scold yourself. Life was changing for all of you. You never wanted to blame them for your friendship falling apart.

More often than you would want to admit, you think about the man that you loved, the man who broke your heart and tore you apart. You wonder what the boys would have thought of you if they saw that. A part of you wanted them to rescue you. Another part of you was glad that they weren’t there. That they never saw how much power you gave to someone else and how he used it break everything you loved about yourself. He turned you against yourself.

You fell in love with a man who seems so perfect. It wasn’t until you had been dating for over a year and moved in together that you realized he wasn’t perfect. Rather he was an angry drunk. You knew that he was under a lot of stress with work and you liked to think that he loved you, but the more rational part of your brain also knew that you didn’t deserve to treated like that. No one did.

It’s a shame that it’s really hard to leave a relationship with someone who tells you that they love you. It’s really hard to leave a relationship with someone when you live with them and the rest of your family is an ocean away. And it’s really hard to leave a relationship when they apologize every time that they hurt you and promise that they will never do it again.

The longer you stayed, the harder it became. You started to think about how everyone would be disappointed that you hadn’t left the first time he put his hands on you. You started to think about how this is all your fault, and that you should have know better.

It wasn’t until you called a crisis text line in the middle of the night when he was on a work trip that you started to realize how wrong he was. You were under the blankets like someone was going to hear you. You didn’t tell them what was going on because you didn’t want it to be real, but it was the first time in years— since the boys— that someone just listened to you. That someone wanted to hear how you were doing and what they could do to help make life, even a little bit, easier.

After that call you started online therapy. It took a little bit until you found the right therapist for you, but when you did, you both just clicked. Within a few sessions you had spilled your story to her and despite all of your worries she didn’t blame you. She told you how strong you are. She told you that you were never the one to blame. She told you that he is the one at fault. Over the course of the following weeks she helped you move out and build a new foundation. She helped you reframed your thoughts so you weren’t blaming yourself for things that weren’t your fault and could recognize that no one should treat someone so horribly. That he is responsible for his actions. And possibly the hardest thing to recognize, that no matter what he told you what he felt for you wasn’t love. It was in those dark moments that you thought about Jungkook. You clung to those feelings and promised yourself that that was what love felt like.

And slowly, so slowly, you rebuilt your life. Then you moved back to Seoul because you couldn’t bear to be in the same city as that man. You never pursued any legal action, you were too exhausted. But you also knew that you’d likely be fighting a losing battle. You could tell your therapist wanted to hurt the man and see him in jail, but didn’t voice her opinions because ultimately they didn’t matter. Only your opinions mattered. You were the one who got to make decisions about your life.

Now back with the boys and in a city that you once loved, you are starting to feel better. You aren’t naive enough to think that your healed, in fact you think that you are broken, but you are no longer blaming yourself for being broken. There is something beautiful in being broken. At least that what you try to convince yourself.

You rush around your apartment, shoving things into closets and preparing for the boys who are coming in a few minutes. It will be the first time that all of the boys are coming over to your apartment together. You decided that you would host a dinner. It had been a month since you had gotten back to Seoul and you wanted to thank them for being there for you— even if they didn’t realize how much it meant to you.

When the door bell rings, you hesitate. You know it’s not true, but you can’t help but think that they will find something missing or think that you’re inadequate. You think that there will always be that little voice in your head that sounds like him. You shake your head and go to the door. You’d rather hear their voices.

Jungkook is standing there holding a bottle of wine. But Taehyung shoves the man out of the way at the last minute to pull you into a hug. Jungkook scowls and starts muttering threats. Hoseok slaps him on the shoulder before pulling you in for a hug, which makes you giggle. The boys immediately shut up and watch.

They love it when you laugh.

The dinner had been perfect and you were all sitting in front of the tv for a mario cart tournament when your phone rang. You didn’t think about it when you answered. That was your first mistake. You had gotten so used to the boys calling you. And if it wasn’t them it was probably your parents. They loved having you back in Seoul. They had missed you so much after they moved back to Seoul from the States.

“Jia.” His voice cut through the phone and it made you still. When you think back to this moment you won’t be able to help being a little disappointed in yourself. You had put so much work into getting better and into becoming stronger. Yet, all it took was one word to send you right back into that old version of yourself. The version that thought that what he felt for you was love. That’s what trauma does to you. No matter how much healing you do, you often can’t help some things from triggering you. You can’t always stop something having power over you. One day you will make sure that this man never holds any power over you, but until then you’ll always be scared of him.

The boys are so caught up in the race that they don’t realize. They will blame themselves for not realizing sooner, but how were they supposed to look out for something that they didn’t know was a threat.

You didn’t say anything, not to the boys and certainly not to him. Instead you stood up and shot the boys a little smile and walked to the balcony. You closed the door behind you and sunk into a chair. The boys that had seen the smile began to worry, it was their first warning, but they weren’t sure what to make of it. They weren’t sure how to help you.

“You left.” The anger in his voice startles you. It shouldn’t have. “You didn’t even say goodbye. I came home and you were gone. How could you do this to me!” You knew he didn’t actually want you to answer the question so you stayed quiet. You kept reminding yourself everything that your therapist had told you. You kept reminding yourself of everything that you told yourself in the mirror at night when the nightmares were particularly bad.

He was talking, but you weren’t listening. You hung up the phone. Even if you weren’t listening to him, you didn’t want to hear his voice anymore. There was a moment of panic after the line went dead that you were worried about what you had done. That you worried about what he would do to you. Then you looked around to remind yourself that you weren’t in the states anymore. You were in Seoul. He couldn’t hurt you anymore. You wouldn’t let him.

You started to laugh. It was a broken laugh that portrayed just how much that phone call had hurt you. The kind of laugh that screamed pain and trauma. But it felt so good. He had called you, ranting about who knows what, and you had just hung up. You hadn’t said a single word to the man and truthfully, he didn’t deserve anything. Despite all of the pain and knowing that the next few days were going to be hard days, you felt like you had taken back a little piece of your power. You had stripped him of his voice, just like he had taken yours. You had silenced him.

When the laughing stopped, the crying began. But this time it felt different. It didn’t feel like the world was ending, it felt like you were being reborn. You were mourning over something that had happened, rather than crying over something that was happening to you.

The boys sat there watching you cry. They had never felt so lost, so helpless. They wanted to fix it, but they didn’t know what happened or where to start. So they just stood there. Some of them were crying out of frustration and helplessness. Others had a heartbreaking, blank look to mask everything that they were feeling.

Yoongi turned to Jungkook. “Help her. Tell her that you love her and support her through whatever just happened.” Then he turned to the others and told them to get out. You didn’t need an audience. Besides, Jungkook would be able to help you.

If nothing else, Yoongi was sure of that. Jungkook would do anything you needed.

The boys shuffled out of the apartment, tossing worried looks in your direction, but when Yoongi leveled them with a glare they started moving. Some of them looked like they wanted to argue, but Yoongi again just glared at them and they accepted defeat. Yoongi is a difficult man to argue with.

Jungkook didn’t ask what was wrong. He wrapped you in his arms and took you inside. Then, he held you close until you stopped crying. By that time you were asleep and his shirt was wet. He held you close as you slept, afraid that if he let go you might start crying again. He held you close even after he fell asleep, his body intuitively knew that he never wanted to let go ever again.

When he woke up again, you were still asleep so he continued to hold you in his arms.

And when you woke up, you snuggled deeper into his chest. You felt him laugh which made you laugh too. “Are you okay?” His voice was deep, like he had just woken up and it made you want to look up and see what his hair looked like in the morning. But you stayed snuggled into his chest instead, not wanting to meet his eyes.

You nodded, but apparently that want enough for him because he pulled you up so he could see and asked again.

“Yeah, I’m feeling better.”You hesitated, but Jungkook could tell you wanted to say something so he stayed quiet and let you think. “I know that you want to know what happened, but I’m not ready to talk about it.”

“Okay.” He didn’t look mad and that made you relax a little. “But whenever you’re ready. Any of us would be privileged to hear. We’re all here for you.”

“Why do you care?” It’s not that you didn’t know. You know that Jungkook loves you. You know that you love Jungkook, but there was that part of you that would never believe him until he said it out loud. And despite everything that you had gone through you wanted to believe it.

You had mourned the girl who lost everything in the states. You had mourned the girl that believed love was apologies and flowers to make up for missing your anniversary rather than for your anniversary. So, you were ready to move on and experience everything that love actually was. Doesn’t mean it didn’t terrify you though.

“I love you.” Jungkook’s voice was strong. A true declaration. “And I know that you love me too.”

“I can’t Jungkook.” God, it was everything you wanted to hear, but it also hurt to hear it. Because you were selfish. You wanted Jungkook to love you because you wanted to experience that love. Yet you also weren’t sure if you could say it back despite how you felt. The last time you told a man that you loved him, he explained that you loved too much. That it felt suffocating and you needed to be less. When you had cried he kissed you softly and apologized for being too harsh, stating that he had forgotten how soft you were. It had been a sugarcoated insult, and one you hadn’t noticed at the time because you were so desperate for affection. You had wanted him to love you so much that you missed the toxicity underneath his false apologies.

Jungkook makes a distressed noise and holds you tighter as he watches you spiral. “I can’t.” Your voice cracked, but neither of you moved. You couldn’t bring yourself to move and Jungkook didn’t want to move until he understood what you were telling him, but his heart was breaking because of how broken you sounded.

“I don’t want to love anyone again. I’ve always gotten hurt. And…” You hesitated because it was painfully to recall the words that had been thrown in your face. “My love is a burden. I am a burden.” You tore your eyes away from Jungkook, finding the floor because you were too humiliated to look at him. So, you didn’t see the devastation that crossed his face. You didn’t see the tears that welled up in Jungkook’s eyes when he realized what you were saying. He could tell that a part of you believed it and that was utterly devastating to Jungkook, it felt like he had just gotten punched in the gut.

You tried to get out of Jungkook’s arm, but he just held you closer. You started to feel like you were drowning in your own selfishness. You wanted to hear this and yet now you can’t face it. You had practically begged him to say it. You’ve never hated yourself more.

Just moments earlier you thought that you were ready, but now that the moments come you don’t feel ready at all. It’s cruel, but its true. Everyone feels prepared until you’re faced with it. It’s easier to feel ready compared to actually being ready.

“You aren’t a burden.” Jungkook tilted your face up so that he could see your eyes. He wanted to make sure that you were hearing him. You had this unbelievably annoying tendency to avoid all reassurance because self doubt was easier. That’s something many people may not realize. Some people have struggled for so long that they have normalized all their negative thoughts and that they are too scared to deviate from their normal, even for reassurance.

It was one of the main things that you were working on with your therapist before you left to Seoul.

You search Jungkook’s eyes for doubt or malice or literally anything that will reaffirm your own belief that while the world is a cruel place, people are even crueler. Deep down you know that you wouldn’t find any, not with Jungkook. But a part of you wants to be able to see that Jungkook is lying because then you could make yourself walk away and protect your heart, even though it may be from love. But instead you are stuck here looking at him. You find that you are wanting to believe him. You want him to be telling the truth because you don’t want to feel sad anymore.

That scares you more than anything else.

“You aren’t a burden.” Jungkook repeats his words because he can tell that your mind is beginning to get distracted and he really wants you to hear him. His hands cradle your face, softly rubbing your cheeks as you look up at him. It’s like he think that if he touches you with enough softness it may weaken your defenses enough to see how to fix everything. Even though deep down, he knows that this isn’t something that he can simply fix for you. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to.

You don’t know what to say to him. You’ve never heard someone tell you that you aren’t a burden. You aren’t sure what is expected of you. But then again, you think that is what he is trying to tell you. That there aren’t any expectations. There is no right way to respond. All of your possible responses are right. So you take the leap of faith.

You press your lips to his, trying to say everything that you don’t know how to vocalize. You don’t know how to say what you are thinking. You don’t even know what you are thinking, but you trust that Jungkook will be able to get the message. And he does because one hand slips to your waist, holding you even closer. You hadn’t thought that was possible.

You break away first, a shy smile on your lips and flushed cheek. He loves how close you both are. He loves that he can see the vulnerability in your eyes. It’s the first time since you were children that you are letting him in.

“I love you.” Your voice is soft, but it holds this sharpness to it that lets him know how serious you are. You never thought you’d ever be able to say that again. It isn’t just a declaration to Jungkook, but it’s also your own little act of defiance to your past self who thought that you would never recover. It’s defiance to the last man to hold your heart. The man who no longer owns any part of your heart.

“I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner.” You murmur, unable to prevent yourself from apologizing. Jungkook understands, so he simply kisses the apology away. “I love you.”

“I love you so much.”

25 notes · View notes

companionjones · 2 years ago

Text

Hurt You

Pairing: Elijah Mikaelson x Fem!Reader

Fandom: The Originals

Summary: Some really rough sex followed by some self-loathing Elijah.

Warnings: Rough smut, self-loathing, cursing

“Ride my leg.”

You did so without question.

At that point, you were naked. Elijah was still fully clothed, yet he had already made you cum once already. It looked like he was about to do so again.

You moaned his name, stretching out the syllables.

Before you could finish making that sound, Elijah put a hand over your mouth. “You may not open this again until you’re cumming. Understood?”

You nodded your head, and continued to ride Elijah’s leg. You were so sensitive that you were already speeding up.

“Cum, Y/n,” Elijah suddenly asked of you too early. “I said, cum.” He was an Original vampire, he should’ve been able to sense that you weren’t-- “I told you to cum, Y/n.” He was getting more impatient. “I said cum!”

You had sped up and pressed down harder each time he demanded. It was too much for you. Right as he yelled at you, tears burst from your eyes as your legs shook violently and juices squirted from your cunt.

Elijah gave you absolutely no time to come down. In a flash, he had you across the room on the bed, and he was naked on top of you as he jack-hammered into your pussy.

Needless to say, you cried out. More like screamed, honestly. Elijah stared you down from above as he clenched his jaw. Suddenly, he bared his teeth, swooped down, and bit into your neck.

“Elijah!” you screamed at a high pitch as you came.

He wasn’t far behind. Elijah came inside you with one final thrust, and he fucked as deep as he could inside you.

Elijah released your neck. He didn’t look you in the eye as he pulled away from you and used his vampire speed to get a cloth to clean you up. When he did so, it was with a great, almost hesitating carefulness.

As you watched him walk back from the bathroom to his side of the bed, you softly questioned, “What is it?”

You got no response. He still wouldn’t look at you.

“Elijah.”

All it took was a little pressing.

His eyes flocked up to meet yours. You saw a minute shake of his head. “I...should not have acted like that.”

“Elijah--”

“I could’ve hurt you. For all I know, I did hurt you--”

“Lovely,” you liked that pet name on him, “Did I use our safe word?”

He just glared at you.

You continued, “Did I? Because I don’t remember using it.”

Still, you got nothing in return.

You stretched your arm out to him. “Come here.” You easily pushed him down on the bed and under you. “You always worry you get too rough, but I would tell you. You have to believe that by now.”

Uncertainty shown brightly in his eyes.

“I want you to say it,” you gently pressed.

He sighed, “You would tell me if I...if I hurt you?”

He could barely even say it, you knew in your heart of hearts that he would never be able to do it.

“Good,” you smiled, “Now, maybe, we can enjoy the rest of our night?”

Elijah couldn’t help it, he smiled back at you.

You were playing with Elijah’s hair as you leaned down to capture his lips with your own. You deepened the kiss a little before Elijah realized what you were trying to and moved you off him.

“I hope you know that you’re insatiable,” he laughed, and you laughed along with him.

*******

Author’s Note: Thank you for reading! Fill up that heart and reblog if you liked it. I would also really appreciate a comment if you have the time. If you would like to read more, check out my masterlist. Have a nice day, night, or whatever time it is for you! <3 <3 <3

#elijah mikaelson #elijah mikaelson x reader #the mikaelsons #the originals #the originals cw #elijah mikaelson x reader smut #elijah mikaelson smut #daniel gillies #companion jones #hurt you #tw cursing #cursing #tw smut #smut #tw rough smut #rough smut

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luvhughes43 · 2 years ago

Text

devil i know | trevor zegras x reader

suki waterhouse masterlist - luvhughes43 masterlist🌷

note: this is part 2 to nostalgia

summary: trevor finds out yn is engaged, and things escalate

lyrics: "i'm okay with history repeating, tell me i'm the one you can't forget"

"back in hell, at least i'm comfortable. need your body when my fire's cold. hand to heart, i'm gonna stay faithful to the devil i know, the devil i know"

word count: 2.4k

you haven't seen, talked, or checked any of Trevors socials in a while. you moved on. you were engaged to a nice man, and you dutifully accepted his promises of forever.

your fiance wasn’t like Trevor at all. he was home all the time, he didn’t prioritize anything above you, and you knew he wouldn’t just leave you as soon as he got his dream offered to him. but he also wasn’t the good parts of Trevor either. he didn’t try hard to make you laugh, he didn’t shout out his i love yous for all your friends to hear, and worst of all, he didn’t make you feel those butterflies that everyone tells you to watch out for. you knew you were supposed to go for the guy that makes you feel calm, like your fiance. but you'd be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t want those butterflies that only Trevor could make you feel back.

y/nuser posted one month ago !

y/nuser

liked by jackhughes, yourbff, and others

y/nuser 05/04/23 🤍

Trevor wasn’t going to lie, he did keep some tabs on you. although he didn’t follow you on instagram anymore, his friends did and when there was a major life update they’d update him. It all started with them updating him on your wellbeing, knowing that Trevor was upset with how he broke things off.

but you knew better. you shouldn’t have messaged him back, especially with your fiance laying asleep right next to you.

Instagram dms

trevorzegras Hey yn… I know it's been awhile but I just wanted to check up on you

y/nuser why? It's been years…

trevorzegras I've just been thinking a lot about us lately

trevorzegras I’m really sorry about how I handled things. I should've tried harder for us

y/nuser you didn't try at all. you literally broke up with me and kicked me out. we didn't even have a proper talk about it.

trevorzegras I know and that’s all on me. I’m sorry

…

trevorzegras Can I see you?

you shouldn’t have opened the first message, but you definitely shouldn’t have responded. And now here you were, debating on whether or not you should go see Trevor. A man you haven't seen in years… your dms with Trevor still lit up your screen, providing you with the light to see the man sleeping peacefully next to you.

…

y/nuser when would you be able to meet up?

trevorzegras Are you still living in michigan?

y/nuser yes. i live about 40 minutes from the lake house

trevorzegras I can be in mich by the beginning of May

y/nuser I’ll see you then

i'm okay with history repeating, tell me i'm the one you can't forget

“what are we having for dinner?” your fiance asked as he thumped down the staircase. you were fixing your makeup in the living room mirror, getting ready to go meet up with someone you shouldn't.

“i'm going out, remember?” you asked, turning around so you could fully face your fiance.

“uh, right. with the girls?” he questioned.

“yeah. we’re going to go hit the bars so i might be home late. You don't have to wait up,” you turned back to the mirror, capping your tube of lipstick and moving on to scrutinise your hair. Trevor always told you he liked it up, so you grabbed an elastic and tried to figure out a style you could quickly do.

“right. well maybe I'll just order take out or something?” his statement took on a questioning tone and you lightly sighed.

“yeah that sounds like fun. maybe you can finish that show we’re watching, what's it called again?” you said flippantly, hoping to find something that could distract him from asking too many questions. although you knew there was nothing for him to question you about (it wasn’t unusual for you to go out with your friends) it felt different this time knowing who you were going to meet up with.

“The White Lotus?” he supplied, but then quickly added “it’s not the same without you. it’d be traitorous to watch without you”. you cringed at the word traitorous but quickly covered it up as you knew he could see your reflection from the mirror.

“maybe you could start a new show?” you stated in a lighter tone “you can tell me all about it when I get back,” you turned around smiling at your fiance. he smiled back and moved over to the couch to find something on the tv. he seemed pleased for the moment and so you decided to make your escape.

“I’ll see you later,” you waved to him from the front door as you gathered the rest of your belongings needed for the trip.

“no kiss goodbye?” he pouted, causing you to smile.

“goodbye” you teased, dragging the last syllable out for emphasis. “bye!” he shouted as you shut the door behind you.

the drive was short, and soon enough you were standing outside of Trevors rental house, unsure of whether or not you should go through with meeting him. you were convinced earlier that you should, but with the deception of your fiance… you felt guilty for what you were about to do.

Trevor opened the door, giving you no more time to question and let yourself be consumed by the fresh waves of guilt washing over you.

the first thing you noticed when you saw Trevor was his smile. you don’t know what you expected, but he looked the same. he was more grown up of course, but seeing him ignited everything you ever felt for him inside of you. you felt the pain, the heartbreak, and of course the longing and loving that came with being so close to him for so many years.

“do you want to come in?” Trevor asked in a low tone, momentarily startling you. you nodded in response, and he moved aside to let you in. closing the door shut behind you.

you spent most of the time just talking on his couch. you had gotten the tense apology out of the way, and you couldn’t believe how quickly you were forgiving him.

“I just think it’s interesting how now-” Trevor leaned over mid sentence, cutting you off with his lips on your own. you didn't pull back, but you didn’t react either, letting Trevor decide how things would go. he pulled away slightly, a soft apology leaving his lips but you couldn’t hear anything.

lust and longing clouded your vision as you pulled him back to you, arm slung around his shoulders as the other lightly caressed his jaw. as soon as you kissed him you started remembering just how Trevor felt before, how often you two would be in situations just like this… how much you had missed him when he left.

you woke up in the morning in the airbnb bed.

“good morning” Trevor said lightly as he brushed one of his hands along your hair that was now out of its updo.

“good morning,” you whispered back as you sat up in bed taking in your surroundings. yours and Trevors clothes were strewn around the room. your body felt on fire once you came to recollect last night's events.

fiance💍🤍: You haven't texted me an update

fiance💍🤍: Are you staying the night with one of the girls?

fiance💍🤍: Message me when you wake up. I love you

you shut your phone back off and groaned.

“Is that your…” Trevor started but trailed off, becoming aware of what you both have just done the night before.

“my fiance? yeah…” the two of you said nothing, looking away from each other and the mess that littered the bedroom floor.

you quickly got up and ready.

“please don’t go,” Trevor pleaded as you stood in the entry with one hand on the doorknob. you quickly dropped your hand.

“i can’t stay Trev i have a fiance at home and-”

“leave him. just stay with me, please” he pleaded, reaching out a hand to grip yours. you didn’t push him away.

there was a brief silence, “tell me i’m the one you can’t forget” you cut through it.

“what?” Trevor asked in shock, glancing up to look at your face.

“tell i’m the one person you can’t forget” you basically pleaded, no sense of pride left in your body.

“i can't forget you yn. i haven’t and i won't” he said, moving to stand less than a foot away from you. he leaned down so his forehead was resting against yours and you both sighed out.

“i’ll see you soon, okay?” you whispered, looking up into his eyes. Trevor nodded slightly, pulling his head away from yours and leaving a small kiss on your forehead. he watched you walk away.

"back in hell, at least i'm comfortable. need your body when my fire's cold”

after the first time, you snuck out to meet Trevor multiple times throughout his stay in michigan. things gt tricky with him leaving the airbnb about a week into your rendezvous and moving into the hughes lake house for the summer, but you made it work.

you felt sick admitting it, but you were comfortable with the routine you and Trevor had created. The guilt from sneaking off into the night soon turned into pleasure, and your love for your fiance turned into something meaningless. the vow you were supposed to take in a few short months meaning absolutely nothing to you.

It was one stupid comment made about dress shopping from one of your friends. your fiance had overheard and agreed. he was actually nervous for you. the fact that you might not have your perfect dress weighed heavily on his mind as he kept pestering you to make various appointments at different bridal shops.

you had tried on about twenty dresses, none of them looking or feeling right. you felt absolutely miserable. the weight of the fabric weighing heavily on your body as the secret you’ve been keeping from you soon-to-be husband weighed on your mind.

“yn come on, this one looks beautiful on you!” your best friend expressed as your entourage soon became tired of waiting and watching you try on different dresses just for you to reject them.

you smiled lightly in the mirror, letting your hands trail down the dresses bodice and onto the skirt. it would have been perfect if this was what you wanted at all.

“why are you marrying him?” Trevor asked one night. you had your head on his shirtless chest, arm wrapped around him in a makeshift hug.

you tensed at his question. you weren’t even sure why you were going to get married. it had seemed like the natural progression in your relationship earlier, but now with Trevor back… you knew it wasn’t right.

“i don't know. I feel like i have to” you admit.

“you shouldn’t feel like you have to get married,” he replied, hand resting against your bare back.

“what other choice do i have?” you replied, sighing as Trevors hand trailed up and down your back softly.

“you have so many options,” he whispered. “you could come back to cali with me or-” you sat up looking down at him. there was a slight blush tinged across his cheeks, and the small smile on his face made you a little nervous.

“Trevor…” you trailed off.

“no, please hear me out. you can move in with me, and we’ll figure it all out” he exclaimed, a slight frown taking over his face at your hesitant reaction.

“i’m comfortable doing this with you,” you gestured between the two of you and the room that you were in, “but leaving… Trevor i don't know how to tell you this but-”

“but what? this isn’t what you want?” he gestured to himself, obviously meaning that you didn't want a relationship with him.

“It's complicated” is all you said, but that wasn’t enough for Trevor.

“this,” he gestured between the two of you and the room just like you had done earlier, “is an affair. yn you’re cheating on your fiance” he stated. “you want to hook up with me? have an affair? fine. i agreed to that. but you can't just say it means nothing to you when you're going so far out of your way to meet up with me. To lie to your fiance that you’re perfectly fine with marrying him despite everything going on with us right now” he said more aggressively as he pushed you aside so he could sit on the edge of the bed, facing away from you.

you stayed silent, taking all of his words in.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered out as Trevor huffed and got dressed. leaving you behind in the hotel as he left.

“hand to heart, i'm gonna stay faithful to the devil i know, the devil i know"

it was your wedding day. you were in the dress you had picked out, you had walked down the aisle with your dad holding onto your arm. your fiance had cried, you could see your friends and family smile as the officiant kept talking about promises and forever.

your vows were over and done with next. You watched in silent horror as your finance professed his love to you in front of everyone you knew. he was holding your hands and you were terrified to break away. scared to continue on with the rest of the ceremony and terrified that you’d have to live the rest of your life out with a man you knew you didn’t love.

“if anyone objects to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace,” the officiant continued and you turned, almost comically, to see if there was anyone out there who was going to stop this.

your eyes were big and wide, you were clearly nervous and scared. your hands that were still holding on to your fiances seemed to be slick with sweat. the wedding party looked around a little nervously at your appearance.

“don’t get married,” a man's voice sounded throughout the tense venue and you visibly relaxed as soon as you saw Trevors mop of hair rise from the crowd. “please yn” Trevor pleaded painfully.

you didn’t even look back at the man holding your hands before you dropped them. shocked gasps and chatter sounding throughout the hall as you took off running towards Trevor.

#suki waterhouse fic list #trevor zegras x reader #trevor zegras imagine #trevor zegras blurb #jack hughes x reader #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagine #nhl fic #nhl blurb

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