#i should also really make one for the hospital staff because i’m still convinced there’s a mole there

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for ignoring a childhood friend?

This happened a while ago, but I still think about it pretty often.

I used to have a friend, let’s call her Ally. Ally and I shared one thing in common — we were the weird kids. We used to sit at a lunch table by ourselves and bitch about how mean the popular kids were. A little cringey, but hey, we were in middle school, what are you gonna do?

Our friendship suddenly cut off because, after she asked why she had such a hard time making friends, I suggested, “Well, you are kind of sensitive.” This caused a massive rift between us. This would be fine, since I had already made some better (though only slightly) friends. But she somehow convinced the staff that we were actively fighting, which we weren’t. I was mostly just avoiding her. This meant, a couple of times, I was called out of class just so that we could sit in the counselor’s office to “make up”. She also believed, even when we got older, that I should “protect” her from her bullies, even though 1) I never saw her get bullied, and 2) that shouldn’t necessarily be my responsibility, especially after we weren’t friends anymore.

But that was in middle school. People change. And she did, sort of. We obviously grew apart, and because of that, I thought she matured, since I wasn’t around her as much. We started becoming more friendly in high school. My friend group even included her during lunch, and she seemed to move past her petty stage.

Without going into too much detail, another classmate called someone in my friend group and said she was going to really hurt herself. When my friend called 911, this classmate was furious when she got sent to the hospital. Ally was friends with her, so this caused some high school drama. Ally took the classmate’s side, because she believed because of their mental illness and her attempt, that it didn’t matter how my other friend felt.

Ally only got more and more immature from there. Slamming her books together and stomping out the door during an argument at lunch, rolling her eyes and making a face every time she walked past me in the hallway, and generally being nasty to me and my friends. Luckily, I didn’t get the brunt of it, but my other friends sure did.

We tried going to the office about it, but they said because of her disability, they didn’t want to get involved, and suggested we just “ignore it”. So we did. And, eventually, everything blew over, as high school drama does. Even if it drains everyone of every last bit of energy we have before it does.

The next year, she starts trying to rebuild our relationship, which I don’t want to do. She starts constantly texting me (I don’t know why I didn’t just block her number), asking me why we can’t be friends again. She gets me Christmas gifts, then uses them against me during an argument. I keep telling her why over and over, how awful she acted a year before, how you can’t force people to be your friend, how her personality and constantly playing the victim made her difficult to be around. She kept making a face in the hallway, talked about me behind my back (or so I heard), and yet she wanted to kiss and make up.

Junior year, things went quiet again. We didn’t like each other, but we were civil. I had stopped responding to her texts, and she had stopped pestering me. She was gone for a while due to a surgery, and I didn’t see her again after that.

Then, suddenly, COVID happened.

Over online learning, I got a few texts from her about my desk set-up, like what kind of plant I had next to me, what was my stuffed animal’s name, stuff like that. I decided to be nice, and responded, but ignored every subsequent response, and she didn’t try again.

I didn’t hear from her again until my freshman year of college (I’m a junior now). From a new number, she asked me how I was, what I was doing, normal fare. Instead of responding normally, I sent her a response in Japanese, since I was learning it at the time. I pretended this was a new number, and that I had no idea who she was talking about. She bought it, and I blocked the number.

I know that she could have changed, and maybe she was trying to reach out. But, considering how awful she was, and the kind of people she surrounded herself with, I don’t know if she could ever change enough to make up for how she’s acted.

Should I have given her a chance? I can’t now, of course, but maybe I could make an effort to find her if you think I should?

What are these acronyms?

[talkethtothehandeth]

hi, i hope it's okay for me to bring up something in your carrd to warn you about. it's a really bad idea to put the usa suicide hotline up as a resource because i and other mentally ill people have been hurt by it. anyone who reaches out for help will be very unpleasantly surprised by the operator actually sending the cops to your house despite not seemingly intending to in order to "make sure" you go to the hospital just for contemplating thoughts of self-harm alone. we have been traumatized by being kept at wards involuntarily, especially wrt the painfully unsafe and uncomfortable furniture, as well as abusive staff who punish(ed) us for being scared and wanting help... or, y'know, actual treatment. maybe this is just me and my bias as an anti-psych activist but i'm speaking from my own, as well as others', experiences (and i can only imagine how physically disabled people are treated with disrespect). also, i apologize but i don't have any good alternatives to replace the link with instead, so i hope you don't discard my criticism. i simply don't want this to happen to anyone else who might wish to reach out through your well-intentioned advice. please take this message in good faith and have a good night.

TW suicide/suicidal ideation

Howdy!

You’re absolutely not overstepping by sharing this and the negative experiences/feelings you have regarding the subject of using a hotline. Though my blog focuses more on physical disabilities, I am diagnosed with multiple mental disorders that aren’t my autism and adhd, including bipolar type two, anxiety— which might be OCD, and a different personality disorder which I don’t talk about much due to demonization and stigmatization of it, it also isn’t something I’ve fully accepted myself, but that’s another post. I hear you and recognize the harm that psychiatrists/institutions have inflicted on people. I also am aware that these resources, regardless of the negative aspects (which, let’s be honest, there are a lot) are some of the only options that people have.

My psychiatrist/therapist’s [I’m forgetting the exact word for the building] has a crisis line, and the second thing I was told when the number was given to me, the number that can be reached whenever, was that if they think I’m in immediate danger, they would send the police to my house. I’ve come very close to getting into a ward, but I’ve never been forced into one. I am incredibly thankful for that as I know I probably wouldn’t receive adequate pain care there, but just because I haven’t been forced into one doesn’t mean that others haven’t, as you said.

I’ve kept it there because it should be an option still, I’ve had to call multiple times before and I’ve had some good interactions and some not good interactions, I am scared that they will do the same, which is allowing cops into a situation they are not adequately trained for. However, through this, I know that this hotline has still helped people, and has the crisis text line. I don’t want to take it away, but I think I should try to figure out a way to like, explain the potential risks. Everyone is allowed to make the choice for themselves about whether they want to seek outside help in order to aid in their times of distress. I text the crisis line, but many a times, especially during the late nights, they do not answer. Some of them are not helpful, but others are and it’s at times enough to just talk about things. I tell people I have suicidal thoughts, but not a plan, because no matter how much my brain tries to convince me I want to be dead, I understand that this is part of my disorder. There have been times when I’ve tried to take my life, too.

I hear you, and do not devalue your criticism based on your personal experiences, or the experiences of others. It seems to be a “hit or miss” kind of thing when it comes to psychiatric care, and I feel it is similar to us who are also physically disabled. Even though I’ve had some very bad experiences and have been mistreated (to say the absolute least) I’ve still found physicians and nurses who do treat their patients with dignity and respect. And just because I’ve had a few good experiences, it doesn’t mean that suddenly my medical trauma is wiped away.

It is saddening to know how rare it is to have these good encounters, especially with someone whose job it is to help care for something as significant as mental illness. And I feel the same for doctors being horrible about physical disabilities. Additionally, and rewording what I mentioned just in the other paragraph, these options should still exist for people to have the choice of pursuing a hotline, a doctor, or any sort of health care treatment. They can decide if they want to try, just as others can decide that it isn’t for them, whether it be from personal or outside experiences.

My page is welcome to criticism, I keep my anon and messaging open that way those who want to say something can. The one and only time I dismiss “critics” is when people send in nasty messages (like suicide bait). You are not wrong or bad for defending/supporting your position, and I never will take away the validity of other’s experiences just because mine have been different.

TL;DR: I absolutely agree that the mental health field is not as it should be, I agree it can be just as rotten and misguided (those are understatements) or even worse than how doctors who treat physically disabled patients. However, I do believe that keeping these resources can also be beneficial to a person, who is ultimately making a decision whether or not to utilize what is available. I do not support the incorporation of police in mental health situations, and I firmly believe that improper psychiatric care, just as physical care, can be detrimental to people. I understand the negative impacts, and as you mentioned, you (generalized) don’t have a good alternative. Until I am able to find one, I keep this in my carrd.

[panncakes]

i’m building my case against rungtiva (all us in this tunnel vision are right sue me) mostly because it’s not monday yet and i just want to have this written out before any big reveal.

so i think - other than her having access to a lot of information through varying different channels (including doctor bunn) and therefor probably being in the most powerful position (information is power after all) while still being able to hide behind her grieving older sister/business woman in a town full of powerful men persona - the most incriminating pieces of evidence we have against her (admittedly it’s not a lot yet) are her arriving at the crime scene in episode 2 still wearing her evening gown and her confrontation with por in episode 9.

in episode 2 she’s not only seen arriving at the crime scene in the morning; she is seen arriving at the spa (listen it took me a minute to realize jane’s home was at the spa okay) which i think implies her not having been home. in a show like this i don’t think they’d include this scene and not have it link back to a flashback at some point, especially not while she’s dressed like that. if they wanted to imply she was out early that morning she would’ve not still been dressed in her evening clothes; they are suggesting either she never came home after the party or if she did come home she didn’t stay there.

two points of note; the only other person still wearing their evening clothes at the crime scene is jane herself and usually in film not changing out of last night’s clothing is an indication of a love affair.

in episode 9 we get probably the most insight in rung through her conversation with por. the most obvious moment of por calling rung out is when she tells him that because she is a woman she is not nearly as influential as he is and he replies with ‘you and i are no different’.

now what we know about por is that he holds a lot of power in the shadows of the town; he’s a mafia boss who operates in a ‘grey legal area’ and seems to have a lot of people on payroll as well as a few connections to the more obvious powerful men in town. he’s also shown to be a very proud man; i don’t think he’d compare his influence to be equal as rung’s unless she indeed holds a lot of it; and i’d even wager that a man like him would sooner claim power equality to someone who holds more than him than the other way around.

por doesn’t seem to know everything that’s going on but he seems to understand rung on a different level than bunn does. when she says ‘i’m sure someone will stand by me and do the right thing’ he reads it as a threat and not as a plea for justice. now as someone who has been shown to appreciate deeds over words i wonder what por knows rung has done to warrant that reaction.

this all to say that this part of the conversation seems to confirm what a lot of us have guessed from rung constantly being involved with the right people at the right time; she holds a lot more influence than she wants to be known.

she also immediately ends the conversation after he makes the above statement.

now onto the part of the conversation i initially didn’t pay a lot of attention to other than ‘huh rung claiming to care for tan as a brother is weird considering we haven’t seen them acknowledging each other once’.

i think that’s the wrong thing to focus on though because por very clearly calls her claim to care for pued as a brother in question. rung has claimed to care for pued before; when talking to bunn she spoke about how ready she was to accept him as her brother in law, so her now claiming the same thing shouldn’t be anything of note. except it obviously is to por and rung immediately changes the course of the conversation after he says this by focusing on how tan couldn’t have killed pued.

now by itself this line might not be really all that important but if you add rung arriving at the crime scene in her evening clothes... i’m starting to wonder if they are hinting at rung and pued having had an affair? pued obviously has a thing for power; rung might be one of the most powerful people in town; they cared about each other and por refuses to acknowledge it as a family connection...

this doesn’t mean that rung killed jane per se; but it does add more complexity to the relationship dynamic between jane/pued/rung. did rung know about what situation jane was in? or was that all done behind her back? and if it was indeed pued who killed jane, which is still likely, would it not add rung to the suspect list of pued’s death even more? or did they want jane out of the way because she became a threat to the life they wanted together? did the guilt get to pued and was he about to confess to bunn and did rung silence him? would she sacrifice her sister for her power? would she sacrifice her lover?

rung’s motivations remain the most unclear out of all the characters but it is seems that she is very good at using chaos to put herself into powerful positions. i wonder if she cares a lot about who answers for all these deaths as long as she and whatever investments she might have remain unharmed?

this is all a very long winded way to say; i think rung has been playing a bigger role than we are aware of and i think we might get more insight on this soon. even if she is not the killer; she might still be the one pulling the strings behind the scenes.

[rawbins-undertale-blog]

hey there again!!!

might i slide in this fine ask box with another HC request?

if yes, then could you please write some HCs where uf and ht sanses and papyruses (seperate of course) s/o gets put in a hospital for a lil bit? you can decide what happened to s/o. maybe a bad heatstroke cuz its summer or something (totally not because its a bad heatwave where im living rn haha nope). idk, i just crave angst or hurt/comfort again from my fave skeletons.

if you're not up for this, its totally fine!!

thank you, have a chill day/night B)

- 🌌 anon whos sunburns arent stinging that much anymore B)

*Evil cackling* OH-HO-HO, yOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MONSTER YOU HAVE UNLEASHED…… I am an evil being who feeds off of angst and pain, and you’ve given me ample opportunity to make some of that sweet sweet angst >:-)))))))))

I tried to keep it ambiguous as to what you’re in for, mostly because I want you to be able to imagine heatstroke and me to be able to think “hahahah stab stab”! ^^

Also!!! The healthcare system in some other countries is fucking insane (like??? You guys have to pay to not die??????) so I’ll be going off of what I know about the healthcare system in Sweden where it’s free. (At least I’m 99% sure it’s free, except for like. Small things. For example, my antidepressants. I had to buy those myself when I was still on them.)

UF + HT BROS WHEN S/O IS IN THE HOSPITAL

Red (Underfell Sans):

He’s panicking so so bad, he’s terrified. What if you die?

Curses out anybody who tries to keep him from you, including the poor nurse who’s just doing their job

Actually he just. curses in general. He’s just spewing cuss words to seem angry instead of scared because That’s Definitely Better

Most likely out of all four to physically lash out at… well, anybody (except you obviously) lol

Red hates hospitals too, to make matters worse. He doesn’t know why, but they make him feel uncomfortable.

If somebody did this to you purposely and he’s not allowed by your side, he’s going out to find the person and kick their ass during that time lol

If nobody did this to you, he’s pacing and cursing and jfc Red, you do realise there are other people here right enjdjdjdjsjsk

This fucker tries to pull a “pfff nah i was never worried” but like. Red. Darling. Light of my life. Stars in my sky. Center of my universe. Bitch of my heart. Everyone can see right through your “anger” and literally your shaking voice is so not convincing. Get a better poker face and voice.

With some prodding, admits that finehewasscaredyou’ddieandhethoughthisheartstoppedforasecondwhichisweird’causehedoes’tevenhaveaheartanywaysthat’sovernowsowhocares

(He’s not great at expressing himself but it’s still progress)

WILL be staying right by you as you recover. You’ve no choice. (You do actually, he respects you and will back off if you tell him to)

Edge (Underfell Papyrus):

Oh no. Oh no.

Edge is trying his very best not to show any emotions but he’s not good at it because like. It doesn’t take a genius to see that him screeching angrily at people and demanding for the doctors to fix this is actually him poorly masking his fear. Edge doesn’t have the best poker face lol

He’s so pissed if he can’t stay right next to you the whole time. You’re his S/O!! What kind of bullshit is this?!

If you do need to be left alone with doctors and such things, Edge will do one or two things depending on why you're in the hospital, how bad what you’re in for is and for how long he can’t see you.

If you’re here for something like heatstroke - AKA something not brought on by somebody else - he’ll call friends and such while pacing and somewhat frantically share your current condition.

However, if anybody did this to you; and you’re in bad shape… Well, even fucking Satan will cower at the brutality of Edge’s revenge.

When he’s allowed to be, he’s by your side and - depending on why you’re in and for what - he might nag you for being careless, reassure you it wasn’t your fault, reassure you in general, and/or just stay silent.

It’s barely noticeable, but just noticeable enough, that you can tell that he’s shaking.

All it takes is a “are you okay?” For him to break and confess how scared he was.

For a moment he was back Underground and it was horrible and he felt so powerless and he hates that. He’s so, so happy you’re okay and he- he swears he’ll be with you on your way to recovery. Please just never get hurt again.

Dusk (Horrortale Sans):

If you thought Red and Edge were scared, just know it’s nothing compared to the absolute terror he feels.

Dusk knows how fragile the human body can  be. He’s seen horrific things happen to humans and monsters alike and he’s always hyper-aware of just how easy it’d be to kill and/or hurt you.

Logically, he knows you won’t die, he knows human anatomy well enough to know this is something you’ll bounce back from, but his instincts are going haywire and all he can think of are the mangled corpses back Underground. It doesn’t matter whether your condition has anything to do with broken limbs or not, because those pictures are what his mind is forcing onto him.

He refuses to leave your side. If he’s forced away from you by nurses/doctors/staff, he’ll protest but if he really can’t be by you for your safety, he’ll be anxiously hovering as close by as he possibly can. Whenever he’s allowed to touch you, he’s practically glued onto you.

If he’s sure it’s just the two of you, and you’re unconscious, he’ll probably cry.

He… He hates being reminded of your mortality. He hates the idea that any day could be your last. He doesn’t know what he’d do if you were gone.

(He’d dust, probably.)

If somebody else got your purposely hurt, he’s going to hunt them down after a while (after you’ve recovered enough for him to be comfortable leaving you alone for a bit). He’s not going to kill them, but he might rough them up a bit -- but most likely, he’ll just intimidate them and/or threaten them. (It’d be a different story if you were murdered.)

Whenever you’re conscious, he’ll do pretty much anything you say, so long as it won’t get you anymore hurt or risk stunting your recovery.

When you’re released from the hospital, he’ll be by your side nearly 24/7 because he hates the idea of you getting hurt again just because he wasn’t there to protect you.

Aster (Horrortale Papyrus):

Tries to look calm and composed, but he does about as poor of a job as his brother. He does better in that he doesn’t act out or get in the way of the nurses, but he’s also crying and shaking and sobbing and can’t stop.

You getting injured triggers him pretty badly. If you’re not bleeding, it’ll probably be “only” a bad anxiety attack, but if there’s any blood involved it’s escalating into a full-blown panic attack.

He’s a nurse himself, but I doubt he’d be allowed to work with the other nurses when it comes to you because of how unsteady he is. He’s not sure whether he’s thankful for it or not, because he doesn’t trust himself to do a good job but he also wants to be there for you. He trusts his colleagues, but it’s still nerve-wracking.

Just like the others, he’s glued to your side when he’s allowed to be. Very metaphorically. He’s the best of them all at giving you space, partially because he’s just more respectful lol and partially because he’s a nurse so he knows not to smother you with physical affection until you’re in the clear.

If somebody caused you to go into this state, he will just like Dusk go and find them. He won’t do anything physical, but he does intimidate the person very effectively. He’s a terrifying giant and he knows how to use that to his advantage.

When you’re fine again, he’ll be acting anxious and protective for a while. He feels really guilty about it (because he should be comforting you - plus, he’s a nurse! He’s seen way worse things on his job) but you’ll have to give him comfort. This whole thing didn’t inspire much positive feelings in him and it stressed him out a lot, it may honestly take more of a toll on him than it does you.

[whatdamiwatched]

Are we…a…family?

Sharpwin finally had the kind of confrontation that they’ve been needing to have since they got into a quick ass relationship, jumped over all the regular steps and moved to a whole new country together. Even though they had been whatever they were for three years, their personal relationship lived within the walls of the hospital. They didn’t have dinner some nights or hang out in each other’s houses, she didn’t babysit Luna from time to time- it was a work husband/wife dynamic that stayed at work. Understandably, moving from that very contained relationship into an extremely serious romantic relationship had to explode sooner or later- the show went for later - because timing isn’t their forte, but it was nonetheless satisfying.

I have never seen a character more loved and exalted as Max Goodwin. For some reason, the fandom is quick to see everything from his point of view and remind themselves that HE’S A GOOD MAN! It doesn’t help that his character is written to be the saintiest of saints- like even Jesus cannot compete- and every character that’s next to him has to be a little bit worse. An example is the entire hospital staff pretending that Helen leaving was a completely normal and inconsequential thing even though she had worked with these people for years, was best friends with some of them and had been a big part of Max’s transformation of New Amsterdam. A lot of that is a failing on the part of the writers, but also a part of this flattening of any character around Max to let his sainthood shine brighter.

When Helen brought up the subject of Max’s parents, he explained it away in two sentences and put a pin 📌 in the conversation. Helen respected that and didn’t push it. In that same conversation, Max then broaches the subject of where he wants her relationship with Luna to go.

Against the two things I have highlighted, we come to the basis of their first fight. After Helen explodes at her mother, and Max shows up ONE hour late, she leaves the restaurant angrily. Max stays. So much happened after that this point was very much overlooked, but ONE hour late to meet the woman you’re calling your mother in law is unacceptable. I also think if he could already not make the effort to be on time to something Helen expressed was already a fraught encounter, he should have followed her for that reason. She should have been in that moment, his priority and he should have been more conscious of the fact that he was walking into a thorny situation to start with.

Now, before I continue, let me address the people that would try to remind me that he moved country- boo-fucking-hoo. He made a choice that adults across the world make every day and he’s making it for someone that has LITERALLY saved his life MULTIPLE times. I don’t even want to debate what the weight of his sacrifice is because I’m not convinced it even compared to the 3 seasons of sacrifice from her beforehand and she didn’t ask it of him.

So Helen is back home, wearing one of Max’s shirts for comfort, drinking wine and trying to recover from maybe one of the biggest blow outs she’s ever had with her mum. Max comes home and he doesn’t ask questions- doesn’t say “omg that seemed really hard, what happened?” Or “how are you feeling now?” Or “do you want to talk?” Or “I’m sorry I was late”- you know what Max does instead?

Max says he’s solved the issue by setting up a standing weekly invitation for them to bond.

Put yourself in Helen’s shoes? WTF?

When she rightly says she didn’t ask him to solve it…and wait let’s circle back. As a couple, it’s really okay and ideal to deal with things together, but that was far from what he was doing- he was making a unilateral decision about something that was separate from their relationship. So when she’s saying “don’t solve this”, it’s not a “I don’t love you, stay out”- it’s a “this is still a space you’re not part of yet.” Max responds by bringing up moving. Now it’s not that fact that he said moving (actually it is a little bit) but it’s also the language he used. “When I moved across the world for you, your problems became our problems”- on first glance, it might seem almost romantic, on second glance, Helen was completely right. Even though he made the physical move with her, he had a different set of emotional touch points with the move. His emotional thing was - “I love this woman, I want her in my life, I want to be with her and that’s what matters now.” For Helen, it’s “I’ve run away from dealing with my family issues and I’m trying to discover who I was to find out how I am”. Those are difficult issues already without carrying the burden of the fact that your brand new boyfriend has moved his life to be with you.

So while she’s home with her wine trying to decompress from a big part of her move blowing up, Max comes home and triggers the other button- “I get to interfere because I moved here”. Boom.

By now, he’s frustrated that she’s not talking to him about the deeper background issues and being left with her mum and so where he should have pulled back, he pushes at it, leading to their back and forth which ends in him asking - “are we a family?”

What an unfair question. What a load to add on top of an already heavy day.

In a way, that’s Max. Max that wanted to be all of the above even when he was married- Max that pushed Helen to admit her feelings and then acted like the conversation never happened- Max that had a relationship he didn’t share, but questioned why she didn’t share hers- Now, Max that’s using her relationship with her mother to act as a shortcut to expressing his moving uncertainty.

I am happy the fight happened though and can’t wait to see where it leads them to next.

[winter-soldier-vibes]

What’s going on with you? (Bucky x reader)

What is going on with you?

Bucky Barnes x reader

Word count: 2633

Warnings: Purging, restricting, depression, anxiety

Summary: the reader is a part of the avengers, and has an eating disorder. It used to be worse, but whenever she feels like she makes a mistake r gets into an argument, she slips up. Bucky discovers this one day and tries to help her.

A/N: It has BEEN A BIT. I am home for the semester, and therefore have much more time. I should be able to write more, but I don’t want to get overwhelmed. I’ll make a separate post about what happened. Take care of yourselves!

You stood up on shaky legs, leaning against the sink for support. Your heart was still racing and your head was pounding. You flushed the toilet and looked in the mirror. Bloodshot eyes, tear-stained face, and sweat-slicked skin. You looked like you were sunburned and had just had an intense crying session. That or something much more likely.

You looked like you had just been throwing up. Which was the case.

You sighed as you turned on the water, cold. It helped with the redness. You washed your hands first, then cupped them to bring to your face. Ideally, you would shower, but you were too exhausted for that right now. Plus, you had a meeting to get to and this round of purging had taken longer than you had anticipated. Damn pasta nearly choked you on its way back up.

It was methodical. Wash your hands, then your face, make sure your eyes aren’t as bloodshot. Blow your nose 20 times, stick your face in a towel and sigh, take your hair down and make it look more presentable, like when you had come in. finally, when everything is presentable, spray the air freshener and practice your fake smile.

God, you hated this.

You tried to stop. It wasn’t like you enjoyed puking your guts out. But you felt like your say in the matter was long gone.

You either didn’t eat anything or ate and vomited everything. 

Thankfully, no one had picked up on it yet.

You sighed again as you turned off the lights and exited the bathroom. You felt lighter and calmer, although your heart was still racing. Family dinner with the Avengers is always the worst. No excuses to miss, no reasons to not eat, therefore, you just had to take care of it after.

Usually, it wouldn’t have been too bad - you hadn’t eaten anything in days aside from a few apples. But you had fucked up. You were sparring in the gym with Natasha and you kept missing your mark. You were weaker, unable to focus.

God knows why.

Nonetheless, it was a horrible training session and you got your ass beat. Not just normal Natasha-Romanoff-beats-everyone beat, but if-this-was-real-you-would-have-killed-me beat.

Not that that was too undesirable at the moment.

See, usually, you were able to just get away with not eating without trying too hard. But whenever you made a mistake, you felt that urge. You wanted to just eat everything. You don’t know why or where it came from, but you just wanted to eat everything in sight. Just so you could barf it up along with all your negative feelings about yourself.

You had tried to get over your issues with food for so long and it never really worked out. You had gone to therapy and hospitals as a teenager and they would always give up on you. The hospital staff knew your name by looking at you, you were the revolving door patient. Any discharge and goodbye really meant see you at your next admission when you relapse in a few weeks.

It wasn’t really about you recovering. It was about keeping you alive until your next relapse. 

It was better now. You used to be skin and bones, on the verge of dying. Then you started eating and vomiting your feelings. Now you were a healthy weight, no matter how much you tried to lose it. You missed being skin and bones. You wanted to get over this, but you wanted to be thin first. 

You weren’t dying but you weren’t living either. Your eating disorder was better but still was the silent shadow on your life. The only difference was now no one saw it or asked about it. So when you went longer without eating or purged more times, no one noticed. Because no one realized there was something to notice.

You didn’t think it would get better so you stopped hoping it would. You stopped trying. You were an adult now, so you were free to make your own choices. No parents or therapists in your way.

You made it into the common area, where Steve and Bucky were waiting. There were a couple of empty chairs - one for you and one for Sam. you had a mission briefing, and since it was urgent you would be leaving tonight. 

Great. 

You sat down - well, you more fell into your chair - and leaned back and closed your eyes. Bucky, who sat next to you, turned your way slightly and laughed nervously. 

“You okay there, doll?”

You opened your eyes and turned towards him. “Just a little tired I guess. Haven’t been sleeping well.”

Bucky chuckled. “You and me both.” He laughed a little, but you knew it was a touchy subject. Nightmares would keep Bucky up for days on end, and the dark circles under his eyes right now told you this week had been relentless for him. 

Steve, ever the one to care about his team, inquired, “Are you okay to do this mission y/n? I can get someone else if you need to -”

“I’m good Cap. Really, I’m fine.” you interrupted, sitting up and flashing a fake smile. 

He smirked a little. “There you are.”

Bucky was a little less convinced. “You sure you’re -”

At that moment Sam burst in and sat down. Steve perked up. “Finally. Alright, everyone’s here, let’s start.”

You caught the first few things that Steve said but began to zone out. You couldn’t focus. You kept your eyes on the files in front of you, but it looked like an entirely different language to you. You pretended to read but your eyes just glossed over the pages and pictures. All you knew was it was a HYDRA base you were going to. But that was a given.

Bucky shook you out of your trance, only for you to realize everyone else had left. You looked at him and he furrowed his brows together. “You sure you’re alright? You totally spaced out.”

You laughed. “Yeah, I’m good, sorry. Just tired I guess!” you said lightly, hoping he didn’t hear the nerves in your voice. You stood up and your vision went black for a few moments, so you leaned on the chair with one hand. 

Bucky was by your side in an instant. “I don’t think you’re fine. What’s going on?”

You shooed him off of you and flashed him another bright (fake) smile. “It happens all the time, I swear. It’s fine.” and before Bucky could protest you walked away to get ready to leave. 

You knew you should eat something. You’d only kept down a few apples in the past few days. But you were doing so well, and you didn’t have time to purge should you eat too much. You felt like you were about to pass out though…..

No

You shook the thought out of your head. You had gone longer on less food doing more exercise before. You would be fine.

You put on your uniform and went to the roof to get into the quinjet. Bucky was there as well, Steve up at the front getting ready to pilot. Once again, you were waiting for Sam. no surprise there.

You flashed a small smile to Bucky, and he gave you one back, but you could see the concern on his face. Silence was all there was aside from Steve up at the front. After a few awkward minutes, Sam came jogging in, and with that, you were off. 

“Shouldn’t take too long,” Steve called from the front. “It should just be a small base.”

*skip to the battlefield*

Boy, was Steve wrong. 

You hadn’t known what to expect, but from what Steve said (and how everyone was fighting), it was well over double what they had anticipated. You were with Bucky and Sam was with Steve, everyone fighting HYDRA agents on all fronts. Luckily, they were taking all of the hits. For now. 

As you were fighting, stars swam through your vision. You kept shaking your head trying to reorient yourself, but you were starting to get nervous. Your offensive and defensive moves were both delayed and weaker than usual. Bucky was covering your ass and both of you knew it. 

When all fronts were secured Bucky turned to you, slightly angry but also concerned. “What the hell is going on with you?”

You were panting and your heart was racing. Widened your stance nonchalantly to try and regain some balance, and placed your hands on your hips. “I don’t know…..What you mean…” you said between breaths. 

“You could’ve gotten us both killed! You’re lucky we didn’t all split up y/n. I don’t know what’s gotten into you!” 

You swallowed thickly and blinked back the tears. You tried to speak again, but your mouth went dry and you couldn’t speak. You saw Bucky’s eyes widen as he saw your face go white. He reached his arms out just in time as your knees gave out and you were unconscious.

He didn’t hesitate to pick you up and carry you back to the quinjet. Over the coms, he said “Something’s wrong with y/n. I’m bringing her back to the quinjet.”

Steve immediately asked, “What the hell happened?”

“I don’t know but she’s unconscious.”

A pause.

“Stay with her, Sam and I will finish this.”

Bucky laid you down across a few seats and scanned your body for injuries. Maybe a HYDRA agent had sliced you somewhere he hadn’t seen. But he found nothing and didn’t know what to think. No injuries, just a racing heartbeat, a white face, and shallow breathing.

And he was fucking terrified.

He’d never said anything, but the super-soldier had quite the feelings for you. He was always too shy, feeling damaged, and like he didn’t deserve you. He didn’t want to hurt you but what he didn’t realize was you were hurting yourself more than he ever could. 

And he still didn’t know. 

You came to after a few minutes, disoriented. You looked around and your eyes fell on Bucky, who sighed in relief. You tried to sit up but Bucky gently but firmly pushed you back down.

“What happened?” you asked groggily

“You passed out y/n.” he deadpanned

Your eyes widened. Shit…

“Does that also happen ‘all the time?’ Or is there something else going on?” he asked firmly, still worried about you but you mistook it for anger.

You felt tears prick your eyes and your face heated up with shame and embarrassment. You put a hand over your face, hiding your eyes. “I’m fine, Buck,” you said, but your voice cracked and you knew you didn’t sound convincing at all. 

“To hell you are! What the fuck is going on with you?” he nearly yelled, causing you to flinch. Bucky softened a little, and you started letting out small sobs, shoulders shaking. Bucky helped you sit up and pulled you into an embrace, hushing you and rubbing your back. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” you kept mumbling and Bucky just held you tighter. 

He was terrified. He had a feeling that something was wrong but he didn’t know it was something this bad. He didn’t even know what was wrong yet. “Please, y/n. Tell me what’s wrong. I just wanna help you.”

You shrugged. “No one can help me anymore.”

Bucky stiffened at your words, oh too familiar to his own thinking. But what could possibly have you feeling that way? You were the kindest person he had ever met. What could have you feeling so down? “Please tell me what’s going on y/n.”

You opened and closed your mouth a few times, unable to find the words to say. “I just...Sometimes I….and it’s just hard…..I don’t know what…” you exhaled, unable to form a coherent thought. After taking a few deep breaths, you closed your eyes and tried again. “I throw up sometimes.”

Bucky pulled back and looked you in the eyes with concern. “Are you sick? Why didn’t you say something, we could have brought you to medical -”

“It’s not like that Buck.” you cut him off and looked to the side. “Not exactly.”

He furrowed his brows and cocked his head. Why would you be throwing up if you weren’t sick?

You took another deep breath. “It’s a long story, and it’s depressing and I’m sorry. It’s just...I hate myself and I just need to lose weight and I’ve done this my whole life and I try to be healthy and sometimes I don’t eat for days and then I eat and I can’t stop and then I hate myself more and then I just need to get rid of it and I throw up and I can’t stop and ithurtstobadijustneedittostop-”

“Hey hey, breath…” Bucky said as he pulled you in, and you realized how you were hyperventilating. You tried to calm down and focus on Bucky’s heartbeat, trying to follow his forced deep breathing patterns. After a few minutes you felt yourself calming down. Still locked in his embrace, Bucky began to ask questions softly.

“How long has this been going on?”

“Since I was a teenager.”

“Why did it start?”

“‘Dunno.”

Some silence passed between you. 

“When was the last time you ate?”

Silence. 

You sighed. “Technically a few hours ago, but I didn’t keep it down.” you said softly. “Before that an apple a couple days ago.”

You felt him inhale sharply and swallow, wrapping his hands around you a little tighter. “Y/n…”

“I know, I try to stop I really do but it’s so hard.” you said, voice cracking and fresh tears filling your eyes. 

More silence passed between the two of you. Eventually Bucky took a deep breath before asking, “Can I try and help you?”

You let out a dry laugh. “I’ve tried getting help for years Buck… It never really sticks. It never gets better. I stopped hoping that it would.”

Bucky’s heart shattered. He’d never seen you so defeated before. And it scared him how much you sounded like his own thoughts surrounding his nightmares. “It can always get better doll. Please don’t stop trying. Please, let me help you. Talk to me, talk to any of us...But you can’t keep doing this to yourself. You passed out y/n, and it could get a lot worse...I can’t watch you do that to yourself. I care to much about you. We all do.”

You looked up at him. “You sure you wanna get involved in this? I don’t want to disappoint you.”

He smiled back at you. “You could never disappoint me with this. You’re trying your best, that’s all I can ask for.”

You smiled a little, still skeptical but nodded anyways. Maybe he really could help you. Maybe things could get better. 

And it was hard. There were days you slipped up, days you broke dishes, snapped at Bucky, locked yourself in your room, and found yourself bent over the toilet again. But there were also days that you couldn’t stop laughing, you enjoyed movie nights with the team, and family dinners weren’t so hard. It was a long journey, but that was exactly it - there wasn’t a destination. It was all a process. One that you had help with now. And you wouldn’t trade that for anything.

[necros-writing-stuff]

But what if PC did manage to save Bailey, Eden, and Whitney? (Maybe they found his gun/knife/etc or somethin) How would he feel waking up in the hospital to them sleeping in a chair nearby? I simp for these 3 and seeing them hurt, hurts me.

Writing angst hurts so bad man, I love when the LI hurts the PC, but when the LI gets hurt or others are added to the equation I want to cry.

Under cut for mentions of violence and length

Bailey

Was working hard all day, half asleep as they make some soup before bed. They take a quick toilet break, not being there to notice someone sneaking in and drugging it.

They're sat in their office, reviewing what they've been up to when you waltz in, pyjamas covering your body.

Let's you come sit in their lap while they finish up, knowing you'll want to stay in their bed due to nightmares you've been having.

They really shouldn't indulge you so much, but they can't really help it.

When your stomach rumbles they let you taste the soup, only for you to spit it straight out.

"That's drugged. Someone tried to give me that when I worked at the stripclub, Bailey, I promise," you turn to them, alert and panicked but they can only smile a little, the haze settling in properly.

Cursing, you run to their bedroom, pulling the handgun out from under the pillow and sitting back in their lap, grabbing for their phone and asking them to unlock it.

Constantly checking their temperature and lucidity as you do so.

It takes a little, but you manage to get it open and go straight to a contact you'd heard them speaking to regularly, asking them to send someone over to guard them and that there was a possibility people might try to break in.

The next morning, Bailey finds you still awake, sat next to their bed with the gun in hand, eyes trained on the door until their shuffling draws you eyes. Looking over Baikey is a private doctor they trust.

"Oh thank fuck, you okay?" You sit next to them, placing the gun down and grasping their cheeks, much to the annoyance of the Doc, who steps back a little.

Confused they'll ask what happened, immediately getting angry and jumping out of bed despite both of you telling them to lay down.

You'll have to convince them to slow down as they spends the rest of the day ordering their people to start asking questions, but ultimately they just let you follow them around worrying all day.

Needs to be working immediately because they don't want to show weakness.

Starts painting the windows shut in the orphanage so it's harder for people to sneak in.

Never ever leaves their food alone again.

Is very impressed you managed to remember the name of the person who works for them, thankful that you were so quick thinking.

Theres no telling who could have drugged them, hospital staff, police, Quinn. Good job on sticking to the inner circle.

When you come home the next day, you find a box on your bed. It's full of new, expensive clothes and you know it's from Bailey. A thank you for looking out for them.

Eden

Panic starts to encompass them as they fall to the ground, surrounded by hunters they'd threatened weeks ago.

Where were you, were you safe? They can hurt them, but not you.

Drifting out of consciousness a little as they hear a gunshot and a scream.

You stand at the door, Eden's forgotten rifle in hand after shooting one of the intruders in the foot. You shoot again, aiming for another when they start to scatter, not anticipating another person to be here, let alone armed.

You're silently thanking Eden for teaching you how to shoot, as you advance down the stairs, shooting into the trees hoping you hit another one of the fuckers you'd seen beating your spouse.

You can still hear them yelling as you run over to Eden's collapsed body, seeing them struggling to open their eyes.

You grab the water bottle they strap to their belt, dripping it over them and lightly slapping at their cheek, looking up and around every few seconds to check noone was sneaking up on you.

It takes a few minutes, but Eden starts being cohesive again, working with you as you get them up and bring them inside, locking the door behind you after ensuring you fetch anything that could be used as a weapon from outside.

You get the salve you made and start treating wounds, gently talking the entire time to remind Eden that it was you, they're safe, it's all okay.

Eden is just glad you aren't hurt, wrapping their arms around your waist and pressing their face into your chest, breathing in your scent.

So clingy for the next little while.

"I shouldn't have let my guard down, what if they'd been here to hurt you-"

"Eden for gods sake I'm alright, let me help you now okay? What if you have a concussion?"

Let's you fiddle with them to help calm you down. They feel fine, just come here.

Wants to cuddle, kissing you every so often.

"We should start building a perimeter tomorrow," they'll suggest, and you agree, eager to give them something that'll bring back their sense of control.

You can tell its hard for Eden, to have been beaten like that. You let them be more controlling for a little while so they can get their confidence back.

"And I'm proud of you. You can really shoot well," they'll mumble into your neck as they drift off, a little unsure of themselves. They aren't really sure how to praise others, how to show affection that isn't physical.

Makes you breakfast and gives you a massage the next day, a silent thank you for saving them.

Might also use their wood-carving skills to carve you a little figurine of you holding the rifle, letting you put it above the hearth to remember your brave moment.

Whitney

The good mood is interrupted, when the teens in tracksuits grab at you, separating you from Whitney and trying to subdue both of you.

You're not sure how many times you see Whitney get hit before you manage to rip your mouth free of whatever keeps it covered, drawing in a full breath as you scream "FIRE!" at the top of your lungs.

You'd read somewhere it was more affective than 'help' or 'rape', and sure enough, some adults run over to the alley and begin yelling at and chasing after the delinquents who run.

You fall to your knees and hold Whitney close as someone calls an ambulance, asking if anyone knows their parents so they can go tell them what happened. No one does, and you can't unlock their phone, so you just stay with them when the ambulance comes, trying to cover them with your body so people couldn't see how badly hurt they were.

With no way to contact the family, you're asked to accompany Whitney to the hospital, staying over night so the police can take a statement about what happened and so that Whit can have someone take them home the next day.

When they wake up, you're resting with your head on the hospital bed, right next to their hand, which they use to pet you till you wake up.

Whitney tries not to cry when you throw yourself over them and tell them how thankful you are that they're okay.

It's been a long time since anyones been so openly concerned. Since anyone has given a shit about how Whitney was doing. Most of the time people just wanted to be friends with them for the social perks.

Leans on you when they walk, limping along. This is after they've spent half an hour stumbling alone on their own, finally giving in and letting you hold them up.

At school, Whitney is a little quieter while they recover. River glances over to them in class, seeing them rest their head on the desk while you play with their hair. They're being quiet, and everyone can see the wounds, so they let you be.

Feels a little lost without you around for a bit, using you as a safety blanket. Walks home alone one night and end up flinching at every shadow.

Never actually says "Thank you." Just gets more and more kind, stops tieing you up on Mer Street, pulls you away from dogs trying to get at you, is slightly more gentle when you fuck.

Might get you a personalised lighter one day. Just in case noone believes you next time you need to yell fire.

[ad1thi]

underrated stevetony fics rec list (P2)

this is ridiculously late and im so sorry, but here’s part 2 of this list!!

//

sweet lips on my lips (kiss like real people do).: @nethandrake

Frankly, if anyone told Tony that he’d be carried out of a burning building, well, he would’ve laughed in their faces. And if they were being extra mean about it, he probably would’ve even thrown them across the Atlantic.

After all, he’s Tony Stark. And Tony Stark always makes sure he has a safety net installed in his armor for emergencies, so it wouldn’t be out of commission before the building decided to collapse onto itself.

And yet, here he is, his armor out of commission, and being carried out of a burning building.

Carried out of a burning building by Steven Grant Rogers.

(In which Tony's from Civil War and Steve's from Infinity War. It's a problem.)

Rising: @withstarryeyes

Heat is licking up his sides and he groans, feeling his knees turn wobbly, and fumbles his way to the wall of the elevator. The metal is blessedly cool on his forehead and he sighs, eyes burning when he closes them. It’s still dark outside and every fiber of Tony’s being is telling him to go back to bed but he has work to do and plans to make and a blueprint open on his desk in the lab, Fury approved, and he can’t not do his job. So he musters all his strength and pushes off the wall when the elevator lands, ignoring his wet hacking as he moves.

He falls before he makes it to the bench, his top coated in sweat, and his eyes shutting to the whirling sensation that takes his breath away and leaves him panting in nauseated gasps. His hand shakes from where it’s planted on the ground, keeping him up.

the square root of infinity: @firebrands

steve and tony have their first fight. tony doesn't handle it well.

A Social Engagement: @finduilasclln

Written for the prompt: “This is without a doubt the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’m in.”

Steve agrees to something without fully comprehending what it means. Modern times are confusing.

Wounds Without A Bandage: @gotthesilver

Tony burrows deeper in his blankets, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to forget the last year. Taking control of Stark Industries was one thing, even if it had been a shock to Obie and the rest of the board when Tony came of age and started dispensing of all his dad’s old cronies, but SI’s exploration team actually finding Steve? Tony deciding Steve should come live with him? Tony has regrets.

Well.

He has regrets this morning.

Before last night, the most Tony regretted in relation to Steve was not jumping him the moment it became clear all his faculties were intact and that Tony hadn’t defrosted a brain dead Captain America.

Love Like A Hunger: @gotthesilver

Pushing the door open to the bedroom, Steve pauses at what he sees. “Tony? I—”

“Surprise?”

“I—” Steve swallows, taking in the sight of Tony, blood instantly going to his cock as he looks him up and down. “You look—wow.”

Tony’s got on a damn Princess Leia outfit, gold curling around his chest and hips, with red fabric skimming over his crotch, and Steve’s brain feels like it’s shut down.

The Night Shift: @weethreequarter

Welcome to the Emergency Department of San Antonio General where Dr. Tony Stark joins the team fresh from his most recent tour in Afghanistan and - much to the consternation of the other staff - strikes up an instant rapport with Nurse Steve Rogers. Meanwhile, new resident Bruce Banner refuses to give up on his patient, and Dr. Sharon Carter learns something from her own patients. Throw in a pissed off hospital administrator, Clint using the coffee pot as a mug again, and a major car crash and you have, well, just another night shift.

the james braincell: @starklysteve

“Right. How do we get them to admit they love each other?”

In front of him, Bucky brings out a metal flask and takes a swig out of it. “Hell if I know. You’re the genius who went to MIT.”

“I studied aerospace engineering,” Rhodey rolls his eyes, “not how to get two idiots to kiss.”

-------

Or, Bucky and Rhodey are the braincells.

In a desperate last ditch attempt, they set Steve and Tony up for a blind date.

Steve and Tony don't know that their date is each other. But they might have a braincell of their own. Might.

the good place (is next to you): @starklysteve

“I mean,” Tony tries his best shot at breaking the tension, “if you’re stuck with the wrong guy, at least I’m sexier than your real deal?”

Tony died and got sent to some sort of heaven, with Captain America as his soulmate. Except, they got the wrong Anthony Stark, and to stay in the Good Place, Tony must convince Steve to teach him how to be good.

-x-

(watching The Good Place is not necessary to understand this AU, but will help)

president captain america: @livingtheobsessedlife

He’s supposed to be campaigning to be elected as president of the United States, not pining over some billionaire he met at one of his campaign events. And yet, Steve can’t seem to get genius, philanthropist (and his newest big-time donor) Tony Stark out of his head.

come build a home out of me: @maguna-stxrk

Steve clears his throat.

“What if I went with you?” he asks nonchalantly, like his heart isn’t threatening to beat out of his ribcage.

Tony blinks a few times, looking at Steve, his mouth ajar. “As a— As my date?”

“Yeah.” Steve nods, feeling a little breathless.

“You don’t mind?” Tony furrows his eyebrows.

“I don’t. In fact, you can just tell them I’m your boyfriend. I’m sure they’ll back off, wouldn’t they?”

What.

“I— Huh?” Tony stares at him, brown eyes blown wide open.

What. What. What.

“Huh? Uh, I mean— You know, that way people will see that you have definitely moved on. Monica will see that you have moved on. Right?” Steve smiles, hoping that it masks his inner panic, because what?

Steve Rogers, what have you done?

Between Two Infinities: @/anonymous

The Titanic, 1946. Steven Grant Rogers did not think that going to war would end up with him being three times his normal size with superstrength and agility to boot, and... rich...but hey, he wasn’t complaining. Steve also didn’t expect to fall out of love- if it was even love in the first place- with the woman he was explicitly told to propose to, and instead fall for a formerly rich, formerly a playboy, still a genius, Tony Stark. Especially because, you know, it was a little tiny bit illegal, and he was supposed to be “America’s Golden Boy”, as Bucky put it.

All Tony expected out of the trip was to escape Europe with his best friend thanks to a lucky game of blackjack. He didn’t think he’d find himself having sex in the back of a car located in the cargo hold of the Titanic, or almost jumping off said ship. But that was just the life of a rogue Stark child, wasn’t it? At least Peggy was nice. Her dad, not so much.

A Thief Like Tony Stark: @dontholdthiswarinside

Tony is a high ranking criminal, known for his talent to disappear. Steve is a disillusioned soldier who needs some cash.

And some people will always be heroes, no matter what they do for a living.

The Things We Can’t Unsee: @/orphan-account

The mission was simple: get in, gather information, get out. Of course, Steve never really expected the enemy to follow this plan. One way or the other, something was bound to happen. They were the Avengers, after all. Nothing ever went easy for them.

What Steve didn’t expect was it going as far as it did; he didn’t expect having to make a decision that nobody should have to make.

Now Bucky’s lying there, bloody and dying all because of him, and Natasha’s poisonous words keep ringing in his head. Thinking about the ring he carries with him every day, Steve knows she’s right.

He’d never be able to make that call if it were Tony.

The Last Barman Poet: @nativemossy

Tony wasn't expecting anything more than dealing with a tequila-drunk Clint and a slightly wrinkled suit on this trip to Mexico. He got plenty more than he bargained for when he catches the eye of a handsome vacationer at the swim-up bar. Tipsy shenanigans ensue.

[dreamylyfe-x]

In love with your metas! What are your thoughts on s4 Lip and Fiona’s “”I’m not guilty,” “Liam almost died”” scene/situation? Who do you agree with? Also same with the s9 “you got my sponsee drunk” between them as well? My opinion changes every time I think about it.

Oh, God. Sometimes it's like you guys must have a scope that looks directly into my brain. That dynamic is definitely one that haunts me.

So personal feelings first: I am always mad at Lip in these scenes and I always think he's mostly right. He just comes at Fiona with so much rage and so little understanding that I still kinda want to smack him. But that's Lip. Lip loves Fiona. He DOES understand, I think better than almost all the kids (except maybe Ian) how much Fiona does for them. But he also can be such a dick to her.

What happens with Liam is beyond horrifying. Beyond. And I do think Fiona needs someone to tell her that, even though she's done so much more than she should ever have been asked to do and she has essentially saved the life of her siblings, it doesn't matter because she also nearly killed Liam. You can see her clinging to her view of herself as this person who has selflessly done what's best for everyone and kept them all together and out of care, in a house with food and electricity (most of the time) for years. She dropped out of school for them and she gave up her childhood for them and SHE IS STILL GUILTY in the eyes of the law.

And it isn't, strictly speaking, fair that she doesn't get to fuck up at all and that the consequence for this is going to be huge and it DEFINITELY isn't fair that someone in those exact circumstances with more money would suffer less consequences (while probably being under less stress and with more resources to prevent the accident) because they could hire a less stressed and under-resourced attorney. She's not wrong to feel like her POV matters... but it doesn't matter to Lip, whose baby brother is in the hospital.

More key, though... and this is where Lip is not covered in glory... He knows that if Fiona goes to jail his entire life goes up in smoke, because he is going to have to become the Fiona. So he's mad at Fiona for being irresponsible and letting this happen. But he's also self-interested in having her take the plea because if she doesn't, and she loses (and I think he's right to say she will) then what happens to Lip's life?

It's one of those things early Shameless does really well. The Gallaghers keep each other afloat, but there's also this war among them about who has the right to try and get out and when. And I do think Lip thinks that it's Fiona's job to sacrifice her life for everyone else because he's the superstar and he's the one with the potential. (He's also not the one who fought for guardianship, but that doesn't make this root idea that Lip does feel like his future is worth more than Fiona's less gross.)

Season nine, I'm less on Lip's side, but Fiona is also less sympathetic. Because she really has just dropped her basket entirely. Like she got fucked over and she's in that same place she was in season four where every single part of her is screaming "THIS ISN'T FAIR!" -- but she's behaving like a child. She's having a long temper tantrum and is determined to make as many people miserable as possible. The way she treats her staff in that section of story is jaw-dropping. I feel worse for them than anything.

But. Again. Lip is doing all kinds of shit that season and not cluing anyone in and then he's mad at Fiona over stuff I think she should be mad at him for. Like Xan. No one seems to have agreed to Lip's plan to foster Xan but he's going ahead with it anyway. He's telling Debbie she's going to have to move rooms! It's a whole bunch of Lip in season 11, just bulldozing ahead with something when he has no buy-in because he's convinced he's right. And while he has a point that Fiona is drunk the middle of the day and that's a problem, the rest of it is pretty flimsy.

Even more so when it comes to Jason, because Jason is responsible for his own sobriety. Fiona doesn’t know he’s an addict. Fiona doesn’t know he is Lip's sponsee. He's an adult who asked to share a drink with her and she complied. It's really not reasonable for her to anticipate the consequences -- but it's also on ultimately on Jason.

That said. If Lip is just like "Fiona, you are a mess, not contributing, being horrifying to everyone and I'm really, really scared for you" that's a whole other thing. That's pretty valid. And Lip might feel all those things, but they're buried under a lot of rage. And unfortunately, I think the rage continues to be rooted in Lip's conviction that it's Fiona's job to be on top of everything. Which is honestly pretty childish. But.

I think, more than any other kid, Lip struggles to admit that Fiona is his spiritual mother. Because she's also his sister and his war buddy. But some part of him is so hurt and threatened by the moments where Fiona doesn't handle her shit and I think his reactions are often rooted in how scared he is of life without her. But Lip, being Lip, really doesn't express that well.

I like Lip a lot as a character but he is SO wrong so much of the time. And the show is so consistent about that. He's another character where, having seen how the show chose to close the book on him has informed my opinion of him overall. Lip's too smart for his own good and he struggles to look at the things that have hurt him and made him vulnerable. So he responds with anger and part of what makes those scenes hard is not that Lip doesn't have a point, it's that he's collapsing everything with all his feelings of rage and all his fear that comes from being abandoned by both parents. So I guess, to sum up, my feelings are this: Lip's not wrong. But he's not right, either.

[physicalturian]

[18+] Words of pleasure - Law x F!Reader - Part 8

[No spoilers] [Modern AU - College AU] [She/her pronouns used for the reader, no physical description; Everyone +18] Words : 6967 Archive of our own

Warning : Power play / Dom/sub Dynamics / Control / Stranger / Flirting / Fluff / Awkwardness / Making out / Anxiety / Oral sex / Exhibtionism… If you feel like I should add more warnings, send me a dm or and ask

– Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7

Halfway through my action, I had to stop. Still on Law’s lap, I looked at him to make sure this was happening. Nodding, he helped me off his lap, tucking his undershirt and shirt back in his pants and putting his belt back on. Part of me was disappointed to only have been able to slide my hands under his shirt and nothing more, but I was a grown woman, and I was not going to be childish about it and pout.

As a grown woman, I was also ready to admit I got a little caught up in the moment, I shouldn’t have rushed it, I was not sure I regretted it fully, but I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach, of slight shame. Turning around, I threw a quick glance to the man who had stepped inside the room in a hurry before looking around. I had seen the huge smile on his face when he looked at Law, then at me, but I was not going to say anything about it. The lesser was said, the lesser I had to be embarrassed about it.

 “There’s a meeting, apparently they need the approval of the staff for something, and we have to be there, they said it can’t wait.” Have to, being the key word here. Dusting myself off, I tried to get the wrinkles off my clothes, I hadn’t realized his hands had slid under my shirt at some point but saw how it was slightly risen. “I’ll be there in five minutes.” Law sighed in exasperation, closing his laptop and standing up from his chair, a look of annoyance on his face.

 Before the blond man could leave, Law called him, “Cora- get that stupid smile off your face.” He said it in a somewhat threatening way, but I could see the small smile on his lips. Rosinante’s smile only broadened. “Oh no, I’m going to be talking about this for a long time,” He paused in his steps and pointed at the both of us, “This? Amazing, go get some,” he almost tripped on his way out, catching himself before anything regrettable could happen.

 When we heard the mute sound of the glass door closing, I moved to grab my bag from the floor but was stopped by a hand holding my forearm. “This wasn’t supposed to happen-“ Law started,

“I know, I know, I just- you looked very attractive like that and I couldn’t help, I’m sorry-“ I was interrupted by the short laugh that escaped his lips while he let go of my arm.

“I mean, the interruption.” He stated, making me open my mouth in understanding as a stupid smile made its way to my lips.

 “Oh, right, right… That, yeah, I still got a bit out of hand though…“ I said hesitantly, tightening my grip on the strap of my bag. Law grinned, charmingly if I may say so, and leaned on his desk, arms crossed. “And I did not mind. I was going to stop you at some point, this is my workplace after all,” He seemed to be pondering for a moment, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know when I’ll be done, so you have two options. First one is, you stay here, you behave, and you wait until I’m done,” I widened my eyes at how he worded it, feeling a certain thrill from it. “I could still order some food, if you choose option one, since we don’t have time to go out,”

 I was still hung up on the way the word ‘behave’ rolled of his tongue, I hated myself for liking it this much and tried to get myself back on track as he talked about the second choice. “Second one might still involve some waiting, since it’d be you call Nami and see if she can come pick you up,” I was about to tell him I could just walk back to campus and take the next bus, but he told me there’s no way he’d let me walk out of here without being able to make sure I’m safe.

 Then he scoffed, “That’s a lie, you’re a grown woman, you could do just that: walk out and get back home. But, maybe I am trying to have you pick option one. I don’t like to leave a work unfinished,” his eyes traveled up and down my body, Law did not even try to hide his leering. Looking down at his desk where his beeper was, he checked it before hanging it at his waist. He pushed himself off the desk and made his way up to me, gently grabbing my chin to make me look up at him.

 “What do you say?” As usual, I pushed his hand away from my chin, before doing as he did and grabbing his and have him look at me. “As much as I’d love to stay here, I feel like it’s not legal because there is all your paperwork and shit, and you don’t know what I could do with all that info,” Letting go of him, I shrugged, leaning against the wall, I didn’t say anything more. Perhaps waiting for him to say I was right, I should go, but I think I was more tempted in him telling me that it didn’t matter.

 “You’re right,” He hummed before turning around and moving to his desk, I watch him as he cleaned everything up quickly. Putting them in the adequate files before closing his desk drawer and locking it up, making sure his storage cabinets were also locked. “Now, you’re good. As long as you’re behaved, there won’t be any problem. I’m taking a chance here, by letting you stay. Show me I wasn’t wrong leaving you here, if you change your mind and go, send me a text.” He gestured to the seats by the window, with the low table in front of them.

 I shuffled to the spot, “Oh no, I had planned on being nosy and rummaging through your stuff, what a shame you locked everything,” I said sarcastically while pulling my laptop out of my bag, along my headset. I heard Law laugh lowly before telling me to have fun, I called out his name quickly once he was by the door, “I’m holding onto that promise of takeout, don’t let me starve doc!” I grinned and gave him a thumbs up, he shook his head in response, a small smile adorning his features.

 Once he was out, and I was sure he wasn’t anywhere nearby, I let out a relived sigh and took my phone out to call Nami and tell her everything. While I was acting kind of composed until he had left, I was still feeling warm from being caught making out with him, by his colleague, nonetheless. If it had been Luffy or Nami, I wouldn’t have cared as much, but his colleague? And what was up with me being that desperate? Was I really that into his white coat? Or was it the contrast of his job with how he looked?

 Maybe that waiting had me more riled up than I thought. I felt a pull to the man, that I couldn’t explain, perhaps it was his charisma? All he did was flirt with you, bring you food, and be hot, I thought, but then again, what more could I ask for, for a simple one-night stand…. That, sure, was taking too long to happen. While I did say he was whipped, I think I was trying to convince myself. But then again, he did not say he wasn’t, and he cared a lot- before I could overthink any more than I already did, Nami picked up.

 “Did he fuck up? Do you need me to pick you up? I’m done, I can come-“ I had to interrupt her, I was expecting her to be ready to throw hands but I couldn’t help but laugh at how ready she was for it. Reassuring her, I told her that nothing bad had happened, it calmed her only slightly. She huffed, then I heard the jingle of keys being dropped on a wooden surface. “You were genuinely about to drive all the way here?” I asked with a huge smile on my face as I plugged in my headset.

 “Well yes, I know where he lives, he should be afraid of the power I have with that information by the way,” Laughing, I informed her I wasn’t actually at his place right now but, she asked me if I was still downtown, and I felt a bit shy for a second when I told her I was at the hospital. I did not realize how it sounded when she asked me what had happened. Confused for a moment, I asked her what she meant by that question, then the penny dropped. “Oh god no, no, nothing bad happened! I had finished my classes earlier, so I came by his work to wait. Turns out, I’ll have to wait a bit longer,” I told her.

 When she mumbled in understanding, I continued and slowly brought the topic of what had happened earlier. Her reaction was mixt, she seemed thrilled that it was going well, but still was not fond of the man, her excitement won when she asked me if he was a good kisser. “Nams, I think the important info to remember is that we got interrupted-“ she clicked her tongue against her teeth, saying it wasn’t important, “You’re still there, right? You’ll get railed, don’t worry, the interruption only adds some action to all of this!” She said enthusiastically.

 Rolling my eyes, I scoffed jokingly, “Well, I don’t want action, I want to fuck and maybe see if I like him, I don’t need drama. Just, casual sex,” Nami told me to shut up that I was just spurring bullshit, “Casual, casual, what you’re doing is everything but casual babe. You’d have to be blind to not see there’s something between the two of you. And it’s weird, right? Because you’ve known each other for…” She started counting under her breath before saying, “Not long,” Chuckling at that, I hummed thoughtfully.

 “You’re right, it’s rushed, should I just come back and tell him we should take things slow?” I asked, a bit lost, I don’t know why it was happening so fast. I appreciated him, I knew things about him, yet I felt like there was an invisible wall separating us. I did not mind, after all we started all this just to have sex, maybe that wall was a blessing, and it’ll help me not get caught up in… whatever this was.

 “Oh no girl, you’re getting laid, and only once you’ve gotten laid will I be accepting you back in the apartment!” In the back I heard Robin say that it didn’t work like that, that if I came knocking during the night while Nami was asleep, she’d let me in. Nami tried to argue back, it was all in good fun and in the end, I know that my ginger friend did not mind letting me back in if things didn’t go as planned.

 We kept talking a bit longer, she hyped me to keep doing what I was doing. One of her arguments being that he had money and he was always going to pay the food, which was only an added bonus to how attractive he was. I deviated the conversation to her and Vivi, which made her softer and cooled her curiosity about my situation.

 After a while, we hang up and I focused on my work. I had to use the hospital’s guest wi-fi, which was a bit too slow and limited my use for my research, but I managed to do things anyway. Feeling out of place in this room, I tried my best to not spread my stuff around. I had my bag closed right next to me, with a book opened on the low table and my laptop on my lap. I felt too aware of each of my action, thinking that anyone could come in the room and kick me out, or just give me a weird look when they’d see that Law wasn’t here.

 I kept my back as straight as possible; it was hard because every now and then, I’d want to sit in a more comfortable position; There were no pillows to support my back, and the seat was pretty uncomfortable, it took all the restraint in the world for me to not sit tailor-style and finally be comfortable. Time went by without me being aware of it, it’s only when I was startled by a light being turned on above my head that I noticed it was pitch dark outside.

 Sliding the headset off my head, having it now resting around my neck, I turned my head towards the door and let out a short breath in surprise. With a small smile, I thanked Law as he stepped inside his office, “You shouldn’t work in the dark, you’ll fuck your eyes up like that.” He said with a smile as he shrugged off his coat and hung it on the hook by the door before rolling his sleeves up. I had to force myself to look away, fixing my gaze back on my screen.

 “I hadn’t realized it was this late,” Putting a hand on my stomach, I made a pondering face, “Although it explains why my stomach’s empty, I did eat a few snacks while working but it’s clearly not enough,” I said out loud as I saved my file and turned off my computer, putting it back in my bag, carefully placing it so that nothing would hit it too roughly. Scoffing, I saw Law grab something from his desk before going to the bathroom and coming out of it with his earrings dangling from his lobes.

 Pursing my lips, I tried not to laugh but he saw it and asked me what was wrong with me. “Nothing it’s just,” understanding he was getting ready to go, I stood up and threw my bag over my shoulder, “It’s cute how, even though we’re going back to your place, you’re putting on your earrings. It’s just- the trip there isn’t that long, no one is going to see it,” Quirking a brow, he didn’t answer right away and first put on his black coat. He shoved his hands in his pockets to check for the keys and wallet, his eyes never leaving mine.

 “It’s not for the people that I’m wearing them, I just like the earrings. They were a gift, it feels off when I’m not wearing them, is that a good answer?” He said with a strained smile, I felt my cheeks warm up. I felt stupid for assuming anything and felt slightly bad for having had him tell me the story behind it, sure it wasn’t much, but I could have kept my mouth shut and he wouldn’t have given me that… awkward smile. “I didn’t mean to pry, but it suits you, that’s for sure.” I said with a nudge, lifting up the mood. I wasn’t sure it had even gone sour, but I made sure we were on the same page.

 Opening the door of his office, Law grabbed the cap from the coat-hanger, he was only going to put it on once he was outside. “Well, you are biased, but I’ll take the compliment,” He grinned, gesturing me with his head to go to the elevator. Following him, I scoffed, “How am I biased? Visually, it looks good, you know? With some perspective and all that,” Pulling me towards him when I was about to bump into someone, he kept me close by when we were in the elevator.

 We were stacked inside such a tight space it felt stuffed. I shoved my free hand in my pocket and put on a fake smile when my eyes could meet those of the other people in the elevator. I tensed when I felt Law’s breath behind my ear, he was standing right behind me and was keeping me close, a hand on my hip. “Biased because you find me attractive,” I shook my head, and looked at him over my shoulder, whispering back, “I do, you are handsome, that doesn’t mean the earrings don’t suit you. It only makes you look even more cute,” I felt bolder from not facing him straight on, but I could still see the slight blush on his cheeks.

 He leaned back, his back hitting the wall of the elevator, his hand on my hip only tightened I didn’t say anything, but found it entertaining to know he reacted as such when given genuine compliments. “Doctor Law! I didn’t know you had a girlfriend- oh and what a cute couple you two are, you know, I was talking about it with my husband earlier that we never saw you with anyone by your side, he’ll be glad to know you’re not as hopeless as he thought you were! He was dead set on setting you up with his friend’s grand-daughter-“ The old man that had started a one-sided conversation with Law got interrupted by the nurse next to him who gave us a short smile.

 She told him that he shouldn’t bother Law since clearly he had finished his shift and was on his way to leave; Law laughed politely, “You can tell Eliott that I’m fine, he shouldn’t worry about me. I can only hope to be as lucky as you are to be with him,” He said, that same polite smile adorning his features.

 The old man gave me a look, almost asking me to speak, so I threaded carefully. When I saw the door open, I slid my hand inside Law’s and grinned at the old man in the wheelchair, “Well, we have to get going, any time I spend with this guy is gold- yup, and I’m, a gold digger?” I kept the weird face I wanted to make, to myself and instead followed Law’s footsteps out of the elevator, bidding goodbye to the confused old man.

 When we were out, we made our way in silence to the car, Law let go of me and looked at me confused, “What did that even mean?” His voice wasn’t angry, nor was it happy, I didn’t know what he was thinking. He had the faintest frown on his face, which gave me the impression that he was mad but did not let it get to me.

 “I don’t know, I panicked! I’m bad at improvising, I wanted to be all poetic you know? Like, you have little free time, so it’s rare, like gold and- it came out so, so bad, I am truly sorry about that.” I confessed while struggling to put on my seatbelt. My hands were shaking from the feeling of being put on the spot when the old man had talked to us. It felt like stage fright, but there was no show, and I was no actress. Perhaps I could try my best to be one, and act like I did not care of what the man had said but there was pride swelling inside me as I recalled he had said we made a great couple.

 The black-haired man stared at me for a moment before bursting out laughing, he helped me with my seatbelt, leaning in close, “Well, you’ve embarrassed yourself by saying you’re a gold digger. At least I know what Mr. Coldwater will be talking about with his husband for the next few days.” When my seatbelt was fastened, Law did not lean back on his seat. Instead, he looked at me a little longer, his eyes darting to my lips before smirking.

 I thought he was going to pull away like he did when he had coffee together and was surprised when he placed a hand on my cheek and brought my lips to his. I don’t think either of us cared that this was getting hot so fast, it was slow and deep kisses, his hand that previously was holding the wheel tightly, moved to cradle my face closer. At this moment I realized how touch starved we both were, craving that intimacy we hadn’t had in too long. I pulled him closer by his tie only to be tutted in a reprimanding way as he broke the kiss.

 “You really want to take my clothes off, I’m getting worried you only want me for the sex,” he said jokingly, removing my hand from his tie and straightening it back in place as he fastened his seatbelt, giving me a side glance. “No, you’re right, I am also using you for the free food, I should have made that clearer,” I matched his attitude, giving him my best smirk, which only made him roll his eyes as he started the car.

 “You are truly living that gold digger life, or is it more the sugar baby life? I can hardly tell the difference,” A strained laugh escaped my lips when I heard his words, looking at him, astonished, there was still the beginning of a smile on my face.

 “Hey, come on, you’re the one offering and I never refuse great offers. I’m quite the opportunist, doc,” Humming, I felt my body flush with warmth and opened the window to get some fresh air. I looked outside, watching the flash colors of the city passing by as we drove on the highway. I was about to get lost in my thoughts when Law spoke loudly, so that I could hear above the sound of the wind.

 I faced him when he started talking, “Then I shall find an offer you can’t refuse, how about,” he trailed off, making me think he was pondering what to say next but from the smug smile on his face, he knew already what he wanted to say. “I get to enjoy some too, you’ve been enjoying free food for a while now, it’s only fair I get a taste,” His eyes left the road for half a second, looking at me up and down. My brows furrowed as I tried to understand what he meant; I was coming to a conclusion but the silence from my side must have been too long when he explained himself.

 “You’re the food, and I want to eat you out.”

An audible “Ah,” left my mouth, I stared at him for a moment, the radio playing at a very low volume was all we could hear along the loud wind in the background. Sliding the window shut, I nodded to myself, Law couldn’t see it for he was focused on the road. “Well, as I said… I can’t refuse a great offer, it sounds great to me, yep…” I smacked my lips, not expecting that at all and yet I was unable to ignore the excitement that started to build inside me.

 “Perfect, until then, how about we order Chinese?” He then proceeded to tell me about the restaurant that wasn’t far from his place, and we then spent time trying to find what we wanted on the app. I had to read out loud most of the plates there was on the menu since Law couldn’t look at them himself. When we had chosen what we wanted, I called the place and told them our order. They said it would take about an hour since it was rush hour and they had a lot of customers right now.

 The rest of the drive we chatted as if he had not just plainly told me he wanted to eat me out. I appreciated it, a deal was a deal, no need to mention it again until the right moment. While we did not mention it again, it was still very present in the back of my mind and I couldn’t wait until we were at his place to get things going. I felt like this was the longest I had to wait to get laid, but from what he keeps telling me, he’s good, and it’ll be worth it.

 I brought up the topic of his clumsy blond friend, and it made him smile a little albeit the rolling of his eyes. “He’s… a family friend, helped raise me, he’s great but don’t tell him I said that. He needs to get the love toned down,” He said softly, his fingers drumming on the steering wheel. We were driving straight ahead, so it was pretty quiet. Even more so at this time of the day.

 “Not to be that person, but are we there yet?” I asked him a bit shyly, I did feel like a child who had been promised a nice treat. But I was no child, and the treat was entirely different than what a child would expect. “We are, can you hold on five more minutes? Or do you really want to jump me that bad?” I laughed loudly in response, resting my elbow against the car door and leaning my head on my fist. “Oh babe, I can wait, I was curious because, thanks to you, I haven’t eaten and I’m getting car sick alright?” I huffed, focusing on the horizon with a frown.

 His humorous attitude turned into concern when he asked me if I was okay, I told him that as long as I get to have a bite of something, anything really, when we got to his place, I’d survive. “I should have gotten us something to snack on before leaving, it was stupid of me,” he sighed. I turned around and looked at him in confusion, putting a hand on his shoulder, “I was kidding when I said it was because of you. I should have prepared something don’t worry, you’re good, I’m good and alive too, I just hope you have bread at your place,” I finished with a smile, sitting back properly on my seat, hoping he’d stop blaming himself.

 Something in the back of my head sensed a certain familiarity in the way he was acting; Kind of like the man who made sure I’d eat and drink after… Shaking my head, I looked back at the road, making sure to ignore my thought. We weren’t on the highway anymore; we were driving through a fairly rich neighbor. Not the richest, but the housing did look very good. A lot of white houses and grey/white buildings too, “I do have food, yes, I also have to eat you know? I am human after all,” He said with a smug smile. I rolled my eyes, “Damn I thought you sparkled under the sun, here lies my hopes and dreams.” I sighed in faux-despair, I then met his eyes, “The more you know, right?” I added.

 His smug smile disappeared to let an exhausted playful one adorn his face, he did not say anything else. After a while, we arrived, and he parked his car in the underground parking lot of the building before leading us to the elevator. His place was on the eleventh floor, which made the ride there only more painful. “I think we spent too much time on elevators today,” I stated. Law huffed, giving me a weird look, “And I think we’re lucky to be alone in this one, or would you prefer to be pressed against me in a crowded one?” I bit the inside of my cheek and threw him a glance, considering his suggestion.

 The unsaid suggestion being: ‘shall we make out in the empty elevator?’, I think. “If you want me so bad, maybe you should come closer, see what happens? I promise I don’t bite.” I told him with a smirk, he was at the opposite of me, his arms crossed on his chest with his cap still covering his head. Grinning, he shook his head. “It’s cute, you’re trying to take control. Trying, being the key word. But you see, if I give you a taste right now, you won’t be able to behave until I fucked you properly.” He said dryly, only giving me a side glance before continuing, “We don’t want that, do we?” He smiled, approaching slowly, his arms falling to his side.

 He gently placed a hand on my cheek, I had a hard time keeping my reactions to myself. There was an unspoken battle of who would break first, and I had shown the first cracks by getting on his lap and initiating a making out session. Fortunately, I was brought back to reality when we got interrupted but with how he looked at me right now, I don’t think I could hold back a lot longer. “We wouldn’t want that, no,” I mirrored his smile, my hand sliding to his pants and pulling him closer by the belt. A surprised huff escaped his lips, turning his smirk into a strained expression.

 We stared at one another, daring the other to make another move. It was like playing Jenga but without the wooden blocks, without the support of the table, without the joyful laugh and angry screams of stress, but the tension was somewhat the same. Taking from the other to add more and more, trying to make each other tip. Trying our hardest to win by having the other succumb first, their composure crumbling like the wooden tower. If you showed one ounce of weakness, trembling hands, shivers, short breath, you’d be done for. And I knew full well I had lost long ago, yet we still entertained the idea.

 Our staring contest was cut short by the ‘ding’ the elevator made when we arrived on the eleventh floor. “Looks like it’s our stop,” I grinned, pushing him away gently as I pushed myself off the wall and gripped my bag tight. “I was going to lead the way, but I don’t know which one is yours so,” I stepped to the side and let him walk in front of me, “Guide me,”

 He chuckled and pulled the keys from his pockets, his pace fast in front of me. He stopped in front of a door and unlocked it, I followed and did as he did, removed my shoes at the entrance. When I was about to follow him further inside the place, I was stopped, “Wait here, I need to check something first,” with that he was gone, and I was left standing in the middle of the hall. I put my bag on the cabinet by the door and did not move. I still tried to look around, the place was open. To my left was the kitchen, it looked big enough for… creative activities.

 On the right there was the living room, with the dining room close by. No walls separated anything, which made the room very vast. Law had entered a room right ahead from the entrance, he closed it behind and stayed there a few minutes before coming out with a pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved black shirt he had rolled the sleeves of. He seemed a lot more comfortable than he had been in his slack pants, tight belt, tie and dress shirt. Looking at me, he grinned and approached me close.

 “By ‘wait here’ I meant, not follow me. But you stayed right…” He dragged the word, his eyes trailing on my form, “…there, you did not move an inch. You are obedient after all,” I looked at him with wide eyes, my cheeks warming up by the second. I don’t know what he meant by that, but I took his words as a permission for me to move. I walked past him and made my way to the kitchen, “I’m hungry above anything else,” I heard him say that I should make myself at home, so I did. I started making myself a sandwich while still talking, “And you said I should wait, so I waited, it’s not my place so I wasn’t going to take a look around, no matter how tempting it is.”

 I explained before taking a bite and groaning at how great it felt to finally eat after a long day. I did not miss Law when he joined me in the kitchen and handed me a glass a water, saying that if I was going to eat so fast, I might as well not choke. I thanked him, then kept eating in silence until he spoke up, “You said no matter how tempting it is, do tell me what you’re curious about. I’ll give you a tour, not that we weren’t going to do that anyway,” I quirked a brow, asking him if he really meant to give me a tour in the first place.

 “Well, not in those circumstances. I’d have had you on all the furniture, moaning, but by the end we’d have done it in all the rooms.” He did not falter once while delivering that line, his back resting against the countertop, his head only half-turned towards me as his eyes were looking at nothing. He was imagining it, a smile on his face. My mouth too dry when I swallowed, I started choking and quickly took a sip of water. Law looked at me with a look that said, ‘I told you so’, so I scoffed. “It’s your fault if I’m choking, don’t give me that look doc.”

 He shook his head, “That’s not how I choke, but you can blame me for having you so flustered you lost the use of your mouth,” I sighed loudly at his words, but the smile on my face betrayed the fake-annoyance I put up. If he kept that up, my tower of restrain would collapse, he was too good with words. I tried to taunt him, tease him perhaps, in the elevator but utterly failed. And here he was, simply standing next to me, but having me hot and bothered by the snap of his fingers.

 “If you don’t answer, I’ll think you’ve really choked, maybe I should help you out,” He drawled, his hand grabbing my wrist gently as he pulled me towards him. He placed himself behind me, my back against his chest. I let him move me as he pleased, curious of what he’d do, and did not say anything. You know what they said, if you don’t have anything sexy to say, don’t say anything, or something like that.

 I felt his other hand slowly travel the length of my body, from the side of my thigh to my hip, to my sides to finally rest on my shoulder. His hand delicately moved to rest under my chin, lifting it from under, barely holding my neck. “Tell me to stop and I’ll stop,” he whispered into my ear before letting go of my hand to rest a hand on my stomach, just under my chest. I breathed out, ‘Keep going,’ but could barely hear it myself. I felt him huff a laugh as his finger gently graze against my throat.

 “Something’s keeping you from talking, so I should help, right?” He continued, his hand leaving my neck to join his other one on my stomach. His lips moved to where his hand was on my neck and ghosted my skin as he spoke. “The trick is to put the thumb right here,” He clicked his tongue against his teeth and chuckled, “We can’t really see much like that, can we? Here,” he raised my shirt, and to not have to hold it he told me to keep the hem between my teeth. I tried to lean my head back on his shoulder, but he said I should watch and learn.

 “You put your fist right there, the other hand above it and you pull it up,” Instead of pulling up, he moved both of his hands right under my breasts, tracing oh so slowly. His mouth soon joined as he pressed kisses on the back of my neck, I laughed lightly at the tickling sensation of his hair on my skin. “Don’t move or I’ll stop,” he said in a low tone. His hands had started traveling down my body, but I stopped him and pulled away from him, “Stop what? You’ve barely done anything, we could stop everything right now and it wouldn’t change a thing-“ With an annoyed sigh, he pulled me closer once more, this time he did not lose time and took my shirt off.

 I raised my arm to help him, if he initiated it like that, I could still claim to not have lost. He had caved in first, and I had barely done anything for it to happen. “You talk too much, and moan so little. I’d like to change that,” he was about to help me on the countertop when I smirked and pushed him away once more. “Not here to fight you, but if you plan of fucking me properly, I’d like for it to happen in a proper bed too.” With another annoyed huff, he led me to his room but did not bother closing the door. Instead, he made me wrap my hands around his shoulders, his were resting on my hips as he guided me to the bed.

 I fell my back first on it as he let go of me and looked down at me with a wide grin. “Hopefully you didn’t forget my offer,” he asked rhetorically before leaning over the bed and helping me out of my clothes slowly, the excitement coursing through my body made my hands tremble a little as I tried to help me out, but he told me, “Keep your hands to yourself or I might have to tie you up,” while I knew he said it jokingly, I couldn’t help but found some thrill into it. I did not tell him I’d be into it, just like I did not tell him I dreamt of him in the most sinful ways.

 Instead, I scoffed, I don’t know where I found the attitude. I felt completely exposed while he was still fully dressed, I could however see the growing bulge in his pants and grinned before meeting his gaze. “My hands could be helping you too, you know,” His lips pulled into a smirk, he grabbed my ankles and put my legs over his shoulders as he knelt on the bed, between my legs. “I think they’ll fit better here,” he let go of my legs and placed both my hands in his hair.

 Without any warning, he dipped his head between my legs and starting working, my breath hitched in my throat as I let my head fall back. He started slow, painfully so, his tongue feeling strange at first but slowly growing into a pleasing sensation. It was enjoyable but not yet a bliss, I had yet to be gripping his hair in pleasure and must have noticed and stopped for a moment. His hands slithered from knees to the higher spot on my thighs, “Do you want to make this a bit more fun?” He asked, after having wiped his chin on my thigh.

 I nodded, he told me to try again, I furrowed my brows a moment then cleared my dry throat, “Yes, what do you have in mind?” I asked, he then instructed for me to grab the headboard tightly and not let go. If I did, he’d stop. If I wanted to stop, I’d have to hit his back with my heel. I liked that, it was kind of like… discipline… When I agreed, he went back to work, except this time, he used his hands too. While one finger was playing with my clit, his mouth was licking, sucking, his tongue lapping at my lower lips, another one was thrusting inside and out of me.

 At some point, he looked up at me and grinned widely, his eyes darted to where my hands were gripping the headboard with all my strength. I was panting, high pitched moans escaping my lips without any shame. He grazed his teeth against my skin and met my gaze as if to ask if he could go one, I told him he could go ahead and then felt a stinging pain of his teeth sinking in my skin enough to feel some pain but not to spill some blood. I tried to keep my mouth shut to muffle the louder moan that was going to escape but was only reprimanded in return. “Where’s the fun in covering up those pretty sounds?” He stopped everything and leaned over me, a hand on my chin to open my mouth.

 “See, if it can open like that, why not use it to let me enjoy those moans of yours, hm?”  A lazy smile on my lips, I wanted to do what he did to me: grab his chin back and maybe slap his hand away but I felt like I had to keep holding the headboard. “I’ll make a note of that, so keep going if you want to hear more of it, hm?” I mimicked his tone, only to be met with a taunting smile.

 “It’s cute, you’re still following the game of not letting go of the bed, but you’re talking back. Guess we’ll have to make you scream louder, hopefully you won’t mind,” I could feel my whole body warming up, upon hearing his words. He then gripped the hem of his shirt with both his hands before removing it, I suddenly felt a shiver ran down my body and looked up at him.

 “Oh god you’re-“

[Part 9]

[skellebonez]

Since it's been a while since I prompted you, 38/51 for Traffic Light Trio and Spicynoodleshipping?

It’s also been a while since you... sent this... I am getting through my prompts slowly but surely! Hopefully the wait was worth it, it has been a while since I have written TLT or SpicyNoodles alone so this was really enjoyable! I apparently missed this more than I realized as this is quite long! (There are references to a past fill as well, but this can be read stand alone.)

If you move from that spot, so help me, I will tie you down/Can you two save the kissing for later?

“For the love of- stop trying to get up Noodle-Brain!” Red Son snapped, albeit more with exasperated worry than anger this time. “You’re only going to make it worse!”

“No, really, I’m fine!” Xiaotian insisted, moving to once again attempt to stand.

He was not fine and his face soon came into contact with an impromptu date with Red Son’s open palm, catching him before he landed on the floor instead. Normally Xiaotian would have pulled his face back with a muttered "sorry" or "thanks" or "wow Red that was shockingly nice of you".

Instead he groaned and allowed himself to just kind of... hang there, his weight being held by that palm that probably felt oddly normal temperatured to him at the moment. Understandable given that his face was flushed red and that even to Red's naturally warmer body temperature touch he felt overheated in fever.

This was not quite the sight Red Son had expected to see when he had ventured out into the city on his own, just wanting to have some kind of time away from his work to gather his thoughts about... well, a lot of things. Ever since the entire fiasco with the Lunar New Year festival his mind had been wandering back toward when he worked with Xiaotian and Xiaojiao and things that happened afterwards.

He still had the phone he had accidentally kept from the green dragon and they had talked a few times. More than a few times. ... ok, maybe they had been texting near daily and had calls every other night and maybe he started watching her streams out of curiosity, and maybe he had been added to a group chat with the Noodle Boy and started to text him too, but he didn't really have anyone else to talk to outside of the his parents and Bull Clones! They were still enemies, just friendly ones! Frenemies! And it had been... nice. To talk to someone who seemed interested in what he wanted to say. And maybe understood him a little. Maybe possibly... didn't actually dislike him as much as he had believed initially.

... and maybe Red Son was deluding himself when he said he didn't actually like either of them, but that was neither here nor there! His thoughts were getting away from him!

The point was thus- he'd gone into the city for a break with the intention of heading to his private apartment he had for such occasions, happened upon one Noodle Boy laying face down on the seat of his (otherwise empty and clearly not being used for work that day) delivery vehicle looking absolutely miserable and burning up, and against his better judgment he took him back to said apartment. That was shockingly easy considering Xiaotian was pretty much passed out due to the high fever combined with his moving around and the fact Red Son could lift the vehicle himself if he wanted to (he didn't, he just took the keys with them so no one would make off with it).

And so that was how Red Son found himself in this predicament. In his apartment with the AC on just enough to be slightly uncomfortable, one sick Monkie Kid doing his best to remove himself from his couch with a cold compress on his forehead while insisting he was fine when he clearly was not, debating on whether or not he should have taken this dumbass to the hospital instead. If only because he was being frustrating to keep still.

"You are most clearly not 'fine', now lay back down," Red Son said with a warning growl, pushing his rival (gently, he wouldn't be so callous as to kick someone while they were down like this) back into the mound of pillows he had laid out for him. He never had visitors so he may as well make the best of this and pull out what he had in storage so they could be used for once. "If you move from that spot, so help me, I will tie you down."

"... ok," Xiaotian finally acquiesced, closing his eyes and laying back into the plush around him and looking even worse than he had before he had been trying to convince the other he was fine. (Though had he not looked clearly sick the sight would have been almost cute to-NO! Red was not going to think that.)

Red Son didn't know what precisely was wrong with him, though based on his symptoms and reactions it was likely a basic but now out of control flu (regardless, he knew he himself was in little to no danger of most human illnesses) and helping him recuperate here (because no one except Red Son was allowed to defeat the Monkie Kid, not even an illness!) was looking like a more reasonable idea now. But he couldn't help but wonder how had the other man allowed himself to get this bad. Why had he even gone outside in his state? He wasn't working, his lack of normal uniform or delivery orders was evidence enough of that, so it wasn't as if he had been forced to go out by his boss. Was he just too stubborn? Did he think he would be ok for a few minutes and not realize he was this ill? The delivery boy was of no help in that regard, brushing off every attempt from the fire demon to learn the answers to those questions. He wasn't delirious, he just refused to answer!

So instead of trying to push again Red Son sighed and stood up. When Xiaotian opened his eyes to look at him in curiosity he frowned at the deep dark bags under them (had he ever been sleeping?) and the dull sheen they seemed to have before he held his hand up in a "stop" motion.

"You stay right there. I meant that threat. I am going to be back in 10 minutes. Do not test me..." Red stood, lifting both his arms for a moment before giving the other another glance. "And don't, uh... die, I guess."

And then Red was gone in a wave of his arms and a flash of fire.

~

He landed at the entrance to a nearby convenience store, not somewhere one would normally think he would frequent but convenience was convenience. And they had very good coffee to grab when he ran out in his apartment. Yes, he was a Villain with a capital V and could just torment the staff for free goods... but he knew that if he did that long enough the stores would start causing him trouble or close down and that would negate the convenience.

No, it wasn't because the first cashier that greeted him was willing to pay for his goods believing he had forgotten his wallet and thus felt guilty for his first attempt at doing so. And he would deny that until the day he died.

That wasn't his goal for the day, however. Red Son may not get ill the way humans did, but it felt useful to him to know how how to treat the more common ailments in the event his family may be forced to work with one. So he grabbed a basket and made a quick beeline straight for the nearest aisle with medicine.

In even less than the 10 minutes he cited he had a basket filled with flu medicine, more cold compresses, soup broth, and much more. Yes, all of this was absolutely necessary. He didn't care that much about his nemesis, he just wouldn't let an illness make him weak. Nope. That was the only reason. Nothing else. He totally wasn't caring for someone he considered a friend, he didn't have friends, not even Xiaojiao was a-

"Red?"

Crap.

"What are you doing standing in line at a convenience store?" Xiaojiao asked, and as Red turned back to her he saw that she had... some very similar items in her own basket, plus some comics. At his eyes widened in realization she looked down at his own basket and sighed. "... either this is a very interesting coincidence or Xiaotian did something he shouldn't have."

~

Red entered his apartment through the door, the noise rousing the apparently lightly sleeping man on his couch.

"Red? You're back alrea-!?" Xiaotian snapped his mouth shut as he turned his head and opened his eyes to see the wide smiling face of a, clearly to someone who knew her well, angry Xiaojiao. "... I'm in trouble aren't I?"

"Oh you have no idea," she replied lightly, setting down the snacks and books and other assorted items she had purchased while Red made his way into the kitchen with his purchases. "I told you I would be at your apartment with stuff after I finished covering your shift for you, so would you like to explain why Red Son found you nearly passed out in your tuk-tuk half way to the nearest store?"

Though her words were sharp and snappy, it was clear to the listening Red that they were so in genuine concern for her friend. There was a mutter from Xiaotian and a questioning sound from Xiaojiao before the man cleared his throat and repeated himself.

"You already helped me out... I just wanted to try to get that stuff myself so you wouldn't have to do more. I was feeling pretty ok until I drove for a while..."

Ah. So that explained it. Xiaotian had just been going out for medication himself. Not the best idea with a fever of his magnitude, but understandable if he believed he could handle something that simple. Red had begun to wonder if he had been trying to head to Flower Fruit Mountain with bow evasive he was being, but this was a much less disastrous answer.

"Xiaotian, you're my best friend," he heard Xiaojiao say in a much softer tone, and there was the sound of the shuffling on the couch. "I wanted to help you, it didn't matter to me how much it was. I've helped you get to Flower Fruit Mountain and kick demon ass! A delivery shift or two and a convenience store run is something I'd do in a heartbeat. Now open your mouth, I grabbed a thermometer so we can see how bad off you actually are."

There was an agreeable sound and a chuckle, then silence as Red continued what he had been doing. Taking out a dose of medication and preparing something for Xiaotian to eat. Or, rather, drink along side the tea he was also preparing for himself and Xiaojiao. It was little more than chunks of tofu and soup broth with some mild flavoring, something simple and easy to make and eat while sick and-

Red Son held his face in his hands and groaned softly as he waited for the broth to warm. What was he doing? His greatest enemies were in his living room, one sick with fever, and he was preparing medicine and food for him. Frenemies? Only he could defeat them? Is that really what he was telling himself to justify his actions? That they were friend-enemies and they were his to beat?

That was a bold faced lie and he knew it. Had known it for a while. Maybe since he first called Xiaojiao just to speak with someone who would listen to him. Maybe since he first watched her stream in curiosity. Certainly, though, since he accepted being added to the group text she had named "Traffic Light Trio" (really? What kind of name that that?). He would have never done that had he not considered them his friends, he knew that deep down. He just didn't want to admit it (and he super did not want to admit that he maybe felt his own face warm up when they complimented him or that he had butterflies in his stomach the off times they called him by nicknames).

As he turned off the now lightly boiling broth and set it to the side to cool, Red Son began to admit to himself that maybe he was just as much of a dumbass as the Noodle Boy. It seemed that out of the three of them Xiaojiao had firm hold on the only available brain cells when it came to interpersonal relationships.

But that train of thought was not helpful at the moment, so he pushed it down (deeeeeeep down) as he gathered everything up and made his way to the couch again.

The sight that greeted him gave him pause Xiaojiao sitting on the arm of the couch and running a hairbrush through Xiaotian's tangled hair, Xiaotian looking slightly better thanks to the compress against his forehead and smiling softly against the pillows.

There were those butterflies. Oh. Red Son had it bad.

"So?" He asked, drawing their attention to himself as he sat everything on the nearby table. "How bad is it?"

"Not enough to take him to a doctor yet," Xiaojiao answered with a chuckle as she hopped down. "Though I think what you did before helped with that."

Red flushed a bit himself in response, grumbling under his breathe as he shoved the medicine and a cup of water into Xiaotian's hands. "WELL. Take this and. Maybe it’ll stay that way!" He attempted to sound as snappy as normal but the looks on both his guests faces told him he failed miserably in that regard.

"Thanks, Red," Xiaotian said with an earnest smile, and the butterflies were back and Red Son couldn't help the slight sparking of his hair in response.

"Don't mention it. Ever." He grumbled a bit, taking the cup before sighing and helping Xiaotian sit up straighter. "You shouldn't eat half laying down." He maneuvered the pillows to make a little wall between Xiaotian and a space next to the arm of the couch. A space he quickly occupied himself before handing him the bowl of broth over his shoulder. "So you don't have to move more."

The other two looked at each other with surprise on their faces before Xiaojiao smiled and sat on the other arm as they grew silent. Xiaotian eating, Xiaojiao playing on her phone, and Red... well. He tried to look like he was doing something on "his" phone, the one he took from Xiaojiao and replaced the old case with a showy flame covered one. But in reality he was just sitting there staring into space thinking "holy crap this is happening what have I done what happens next oh crap".

"Hey Red?"

"YES!?" He asked far too loud and quick with a squeak in his voice as his hair flared at Xiaotian's words, clearing his throat before repeating himself in a much more appropriate tone (only to earn a giggle from Xiaojiao).

He felt the other man lean back against him, and before he could even begin to fight his flush on his face he heard him chuckle as well. "I appreciate your help."

"L-like I said... don't mention it..."

Xiaotian chuckled again in reply and sighed, leaning completely against Red Son and as he looked over and down he saw his relaxed face and flushed deeper and... it felt nice.

He wondered why he ever pushed down his feelings before.

Xiaojiao grabbed the dishes with a knowing smirk, heading into the kitchen with a few parting words.

"Can you two save the kissing for later? Maybe when Xiaotian isn't sick?"

Both men flushed as deep as they could and sputtered out denials in response, and if that wasn't an indication that Xiaotian maybe felt similarly to Red as Red did to him...

[lovecolibri]

Things that did NOT Spark Joy-3x08

We finally, after 84 years, two pointless side “relationships” and two seasons of misery porn and frustration, got Malex kisses!! If you are still just wanting to ride that high and not get bogged down in the “random barns are this years bunkers” discourse, all the happy joyfull stuff is here. 

If, like me, you love this show and get frustrated with the plot holes and wasted potential, come join me in the salt mine! I’m going to address  everything else first, and then the negativity about how the writers are handing the Malex story will be under the cut so if you want to salt about other things but don’t want all the Malex negativity right now, you can avoid it.

*deep breath* WHERE IN THE ABSOLUTE FUCK IS THE CONCERN AND WORK TO SAVE MY DEAR SWEET SON KYLE VALENTI, HEART OF THIS SHOW AND PERSON WHO IS CONSISTANTELY THERE FOR EVERYONE ELSE?! WHERE IS IT?!?!

But seriously, this is getting ridiculous. I’m sure we’re meant to believe that Alex told them he found Kyle, but Alex is just now telling Michael (and only Michael) about Deep Sky. So how could he have told them anything about Kyle without mentioning Deep Sky in a way that would satisfy them? Liz and Michael always want to know everything, and Rosa not demanding to be taken to see her brother right now doesn’t make any sense. At some point Liz named drops Kyle saying that she's been listening to his advice but no mention that she has got to hurry up and figure out what's wrong with Maria so that she can deal with what's wrong with Kyle? That would have been an easy way to bring him into the episode but she isn’t the least bit concerned or asking questions about what he was dosed with. Rosa isn’t arguing with Liz that she can’t do anything for Kyle right now so she needs to be able to do something, and Kyle might as well not exist for Isobel or m*ria. Michael also named drops Kyle in regards to the bats and that he was right there was something going on but there’s no mention that he wants to help deal with whatever is going on with Kyle? No mention that maybe they should move Kyle to  the same barn? If this was last season, I might have bought all this because poor Kyle was horribly shafted last season. But the fact that the show built up Kyle and his relationships taking care of everyone else so much in the first few episodes, only for them all to be totally unconcerned when he’s still missing? And even if they somehow know Alex found him, to be fine just leaving him in a coma in a barn all alone? I don’t buy it. And especially for the writers to answer a question about if people will remember about Kyle with a flippant “Oh, we have cool stuff planed for him for the future!” is....frustrating to say the least. If there is one thing the writers are still really, really struggling with it’s with writing friendships well and whooo boy it SHOWS, to the point of ridiculousness.

Also, Kyle has a job. A whole ass grown up job at a hospital where people need him and where he can get into serious trouble for not showing up. Did Isobel do him a solid and convince the hospital staff that he’s at a conference or something? Who knows?! Not us. But don’t worry, we know Isobel used her powers to help m*ria and that’s really all that matters apparently.

Why is no one worried that Jones could just pop into any of their minds and grab the info on where the pod is or what their plans are and what they're doing? That was what made the fourth alien so scary in season one because no one knew who he was going to possess and it really upped the creepy fear factor. But now we have a character who is so much stronger and more powerful and scary and yet no one seems worried about that possibility? After he totally schooled everyone in 3x07 I was hoping for a little more caution and fear of him and his powers but again, everyone is too busy worried about m*ria and what’s going on with her to properly worry about Jones, and not gonna lie, I’m kinda hoping that comes back to bite them all in the ass. 🤷‍♀️

Where did Alex get the uniforms now that he’s been discharged? Could be from Ramos (he had his own uniform as well) but if Alex is going to him for favors like that, we’re back to why did they not all end up in the same barn with Kyle? Or even had a mention that Ramos was arranging to have Kyle brought over since Trevino and David don’t have full episode contracts. It’s easy enough to work them in without seeing them.

And as fun as it was to see Isobel and Michael in uniform, it also beg an interesting question as well. Is fake, TV Roswell a SUPER small town or not? Because Michael and those curls and his big reputation, and Isobel Evans, event hostess for the town that supposedly only has one church and a negative dating pool for m*ria so she can only go after her friend's exes and/or family members, are a little recognizable. Maybe Isobel’s powers at work again? But it’s a shame we don’t get to see her using them. Isobel has had some really great growth but she’s also felt a lot more in the background this season playing second fiddle and professional prop to m*ria’s storyline so it would have been nice to see her using her influence here.

a personal "me" thing, but I don't think aside from the pilot (due to an unused storyline) Michael EVER calls Alex "Manes" and even there he uses the "Manes Man" line, he isn't using it in replacement of “Alex”. It's something that always bothered me in fic because Michael knows about Jesse and how Alex hates being tied to that legacy so to hear him calling Alex that now? After deliberately calling him Alex for 2 and a half seasons? I didn't like that, and also it's going to be in ALL the fics even more now 😭😭😭 Neither Alex or Michael associate the name “Manes” with anything good, especially after the Caulfield reveal, so Michael never using it made sense which made it just SO jarring to me for it to come up after Alex makes a really big admission about what he’s doing and why. For Michael to use a distancing technique like that felt really off to me and I still don’t like seeing it on gifsets and stuff from that scene. Also, Alex literally sang a whole ass love song about Michael and there is a list of grand gestures Alex has made but the writers don’t want to talk about season 2 so we’re all left to suffer and dangle in the wind over it.

I know there are a lot of takes on this but for me, Rosa’s drinking was shown to be for self-medicating purposes because of what was going on in her mind. But this season we've seen hardly any discussion of her getting treatment for her bi-polar outside of therapy (no mention of medications) and just a few days ago she was talking with Kyle about struggling and what if Rosalinda is the sober one and not Rosa. And then we have several episodes where things are out of control and her powers are going haywire and she expresses that she's feeling frustrated because she wants to help and doesn't know how and at the end of 3x07 when they leave her at the Pony alone, she's feeling defeated and useless and like she somehow failed, and it was never brought up, and then again this episode, they were more celebratory but Kyle, her brother, is still missing/in a coma so the whole vibe of that scene was off anyway, but I just think it’s really weird that they keep trying to have Rosa’s sobriety storyline so separate from everything else. Her and Liz barely talk about it, and last season Liz basically left her to fend for herself until she was shoved off the wagon by Max. With a new showrunner I was hopeful that might change and while we did get a really, really good scene with Liz and Rosa and Liz talking about underestimating her, I’m frustrated that Liz still doesn’t seem to care one iota about Rosa’s sobriety enough to talk to her about it. Even a quick line asking Rosa if this is okay and Rosa saying yeah, she’s in a good headspace right now and it’s fine would go such a long way I think into not making it look like no one cares or is cognoscente of that part of her, or that it doesn’t affect her all the time. 

So this is already really long so I’m going to try not to harp too much on this being a m*ria centric episode but I will say that early episode info about it being half in her head WAS correct with her having nearly 20 minutes of screen time out of a 40-something minute episode and trying to downplay it to “1/3″ being in “people’s heads” was just a tactic to get people to stop saying they weren't going to watch, as was shoving all of the Malex development into a single episode. They needed the ratings boost for the big m*ria episode and to keep people watching an episode centered on her that didn’t need to be and ultimately provided no important information that couldn’t be found elsewhere or that Liz didn’t discover herself with Rosa. It's an absolute shame that you cannot watch the big Malex episode without spending most of the episode (twice their amount of screen time) on her. So. Who is the lead of this show again Because her character CAN'T carry an episode! As seen by the fact that is was Isobel and Rosa and Liz doing all the actual work while praising her for doing...what, I’m not sure. I think I’m going to do a separate post because it ties into other episodes but for the purposes of just 3x08, Liz and Rosa sorted the bonding thing, and they don’t need to know the clone stuff on the glass yet because they haven’t gotten Max back yet anyway and none of them as far as we know, know how to read it anyway. And the glass is in the Lockhart Machine which Alex and Michael are going to work to open, and Alex has the full file on the machine so anything they need to know is....already there. There is literally NO REASON for this plotline to occur, and it is endlessly frustrating that they are shoving m*ria into the middle of everything and giving her character the illusion of being useful while not actually having her do anything that couldn’t be pawned off on someone else with actually much better results. Hopefully they feel like they did enough damage after this season and stop throwing her into every storyline for no reason but I’m not holding my breath. 

Okay, this is already really long and I think, like my m*ria post, I might do a bigger, separate post about Malex (I have a couple asks that are going to address this all too that I need to work on) but my Malex salt is under the cut. I will say that this is entirely frustrations at the writing and pacing for what we are seeing on the show, and not about Tyler and Vlaims, and not even really about where Alex and Michael as characters are at. This season has really suffered with the juxtaposition of it being WAAAAY too long to justify Alex and Michael NOT being together (especially for being cosmic soulmates) and having two seasons building up to this moment, and wedging in a year-long time jump and providing the audience with extremely limited info on what the character have been doing with each other or how they are feeling about each other. So! Under the cut for more on that, but feel free to avoid if you just want to bask in the gloriousness Vlamburn gave us.

*deep sigh* I’m not gonna lie, fam, I am really, really disappointed in how the writers handled this whole thing. There were some really easy fixes they could have made to let us see more of this journey so we weren’t quite left with so much whiplash. Part of the issue, as mentioned above, is the time jump. A whole year as passed and now 8 episodes later we STILL don’t know if Malex had ANY contact over that time, though all signs point to “no”. If this was directly after season 2, barring the glaring omission of a discussion about m*luca, I could see things playing out this way. A little tense, some arguments, and then one day working together and being flirty and Michael listening while Alex confesses something. It’s basically 2x04, which was a great episode! So for these characters, right after the events of season 2 an argument could be made for this scenario. But it’s not right after season 2. Their relationship didn’t just spend a whole year on ice, Alex spent it out of town, and hooking up with someone else. And the characters have both had individual growth away from each other which is good, and we are seeing that growth in how Michael deals with Isobel and Max, and Kyle, and his moments with Rosa which are all so good, though still missing more moments to let us know more about where Michael stands on things with Alex. We all saw hopeful Michael in episode 1 but why is he hopeful after a year of no contact? Could we extrapolate? Yeah, we could, but we shouldn’t have to. 

And Alex. The show has given us next to nothing on how he’s feeling about Michael after letting Forrest go *checks notes* a week ago after a year of *something*. I want to see Alex’s perspective. This episode Alex says he joined Deep Sky for Michael, but the only discussion we saw him have about joining was with Kyle and....Michael didn’t come up. In fact, Alex admitted to waffling about even doing it, and running off with Forrest instead! Doesn’t sound like someone committed to joining to build a better world so Michael can live without fear and they can be together. This would have been the perfect time to have Alex and Kyle talking about Michael so this reveal in this episode didn’t seem to come out of nowhere. The audience gets the fun of knowing Alex is working to build something for Michael, for them, and being excited for the moment Michael finally finds out. 

The other big thing is how weird it is that Echo are totally tied up in not being able to move on because of what happened at the end of season 2, while literally everyone else is being forced to ignore everything that happened last season. They’re clearly never going to address m*luca which not only doesn’t allow m*ria’s character a chance to grow, but it leaves that whole issue unresolved. I’m hoping Michael and Alex get to talk more during the rest of the season, but how do they hash out their issues in order to truly move forward without addressing at least part of what happened? I feel like the reason we didn’t get them talking before now, the whole reason we didn’t get to see them be friends this season, and see them work on building a relationship is because there’s no way to do it without talking about m*luca (and to some extent, f*rlex). So the writers kept them apart and then threw everything all in one episode in hopes the fans didn’t notice all the missing stept because they finally got Malex content. I wrote a post back in season 2 or shortly after that the journey matters, and the journey to how Malex got back together matters. And they just...skipped so much of it, and so much of Alex’s part of it and seeing and addressing his emotions, but that would mean they would have to address m*ria’s behavior and apparently this season that’s a no-fly zone which is cramping the whole rest of the show, and stunting the other character’s and their growth and leaving Malex having to hop over important steps just to avoid dealing with what happened last season. And I cannot even explain how utterly disgusted I am at the writers for forcing Alex to be m*ria’s biggest cheerleader, and having him and Michael fawning all over her after how utterly awful she was to both of them last season. 

I had a few asks from people not in fandom who by the middle of this season were totally convinced Malex were over and done. Audience members should not have to be immersed in 7 layers of media of fandom meta, and BTS content, and actor interviews, and tweets, and livestreams, and con panels, and writer/showrunner interviews to figure out how the characters got from point a to point h 

I have other thoughts but this is so long already and I’m so tired of trying to figure out how to explain that yes it’s been entirely too long and there’s not way to justify Malex still being apart, but also there was NO reason to show so little of the journey here when a few moment of seeing them thinking or talking about each other could have gone such a long way. Especially seeing things from Alex who has so much more reason to be hesitant after Michael picked m*ria over and over and still hasn’t said anything to Alex to indicate that he’s moved on, and after Michael walked out on the song Alex wrote about them. I want to see how Alex got from “that was a long time ago” and kissing someone else, and hooking up with them for a year to 8 days later telling Michael that he joined this shady ass organization to make a safer world for them to have a relationship. Alex’s story deserves to be told, his emotions and feelings deserve to be seen even if it’s a private moment he has alone that just the audience is privy to. We easily could have seen Alex looking at that same photo of him and Michael out in the desert with the guitar then locking it away in the glove box as he gets out to start that Deep Sky interview. A few seconds of time could have given us all the info we needed but the fact that Alex’s feelings about m*luca have been erased in order to prop her up as the most perfect character is not something I’m willing to give the writers a pass for, just because Tyler and Vlamis know how to sell the story. Even they are frustrated with how this went and not getting to work together all season which they enjoy doing, but they also talk about how rewarding it is and how they are so proud of the work they do with they are together and it really shows in how good their scenes are. So the writers wasting ALL of that (again), just to give time to m*ria for no reason and at the expense of the other storylines and characters and their arcs is something I’m going to keep bitching about. Sorry not sorry.

[sheabeeprime]

I Drive Me Mad

AO3 Link

By: @sheabeeprime for @superherotiger as part of @friendly-neighborhood-exchange -> I'm so sorry this is late. I worked really hard though and wouldn't even read my story until this was posted so I hope you love it <3

Rating: Teen + Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark

Summary:

Even though he couldn’t make out most of the distinct features that would confirm this figure to be human, let alone someone he knew, he wasn’t afraid. This man wasn’t scary like his captors had been. No, he radiated safety and warmth and through the armor plating that now gently caressed his cheek, Peter detected a familiar smell of expensive cologne mixed with motor oil which he recognized as home. “D-Dad? Please…help me,” Peter whimpered, fighting spirit returning ever so slightly as he resisted the need to allow his eyes roll back into his skull and fall into the forever slumber. It hurt to stay awake and to try and comprehend reality, but something inside of him said that he had to. He had to, if not for himself than for the blob of red and gold which held him close. He couldn’t imagine how terrible it would be for a father to lose their only child. “It’s okay Peter; you’re going to be okay." Or: In the aftermath of his kidnapping, Peter takes comfort from Tony during a Thunderstorm.

References to Torture

The first time Peter called Tony “Dad,” he was tired and 100% drugged out. Whatever his kidnappers injected him with was strong, with its effects still lingering even after his captors ceased their torture and left for him dead. Peter only hoped the reason they finally abandoned his husk was because they realized Iron Man and the rest of the Avengers were hot on their tail.

It took an additional 36 hours after that, however, before Tony and the others finally found him. At that point Peter was damn near dead.

Days prior he was still trying to fight through the toxins as they were administered. He tried to stay awake and learn everything he could about his captors... Now, the spiderling was just trying to save his energy enough to stay alive, to maintain his vital functions, even if poorly.

Peter couldn’t even hold his head up anymore; allowing it to lull from one side to the other when his mentor tried to shake him back into awareness. The unpleasant feeling of his head rolling about his shoulders, however, was just barely enough ignite the fringes of his mind with a semi-consciousness. He mentally reached for the feeling, trying to hold onto it as long as possible.

“D-Dad?” He asked, tongue thick and cottony.

It took all his enhanced strength, but Peter lifted his head up just enough so that when his eyelids fluttered open, he was looking at the blurred figure before him in their eyes.

Even though he couldn’t make out most of the distinct features that would confirm this figure to be human, let alone someone he knew, he wasn’t afraid. This man wasn’t scary like his captors had been. No, he radiated safety and warmth and through the armor plating that now gently caressed his cheek, Peter detected a familiar smell of expensive cologne mixed with motor oil which he recognized as home.

“D-Dad? Please…help me,” Peter whimpered, fighting spirit returning ever so slightly as he resisted the need to allow his eyes roll back into his skull and fall into the forever slumber.

It hurt to stay awake and to try and comprehend reality, but something inside of him said that he had to. He had to, if not for himself than for the blob of red and gold which held him close. He couldn’t imagine how terrible it would be for a father to lose their only child.

“It’s okay Peter; you’re going to be okay.”

He clung to the feeling of hope that being in this figure’s arms brought him. Hands still bound behind his back with vibranium cuffs, Peter simply nuzzled into the neck of who he hoped to be his father, breathing in a heavy and ragged way while trying to hold back tears as the man cradled him and whispered sweet nothings, only stopping on the occasion to bark orders at the other Avengers.

Peter tried to ignore how every fiber of his body seemed to suddenly be subjected to hot flames when he was finally lifted up by the red and gold. As they took off into the air, Peter moaned, head throbbing to the same rhythm of his uneven pulse. His senses were both still dulled and on overdrive. He couldn’t even enjoy the way the cool air that filtered past them brought relief to his burning body because of the simultaneous wind sounds and air pressure that pounded in his ears.

Landing had to be worse than flying though. Peter wasn’t sure how long they’d been in the air for prior to hitting the ground, but the jostle it wrought was enough to displace Peter’s empty stomach such that his body, tired as it was, instinctually lurched forward in an attempt to dry heave. The strong arms holding him tightened their fatherly grip as Peter trembled in the aftermath, praying that the numbness he felt before might return and mask this pain once again.

There seemed to be no time to try and relax though. Almost immediately after his stomach attempted to turn inside out did a group of hands try to pry the crime-fighting-spider from his human safety blanket. Peter half expected the metal man to defend him, so when the man instead began the relinquish the hold he had on Peter to the group of strangers, Peter felt fear strike his heart.

“No!” he cried out, pushing back into the chest of the one person he knew was safe while trying to violent kick at his attackers.

“Pete, it’s okay. They just want to help. You’re safe,” The figure spoke in his ear, voice smooth and even, never once showing there was a reason to panic.

The words seemed to cocoon the spiderling up like his favorite MIT Hoodie. They allowed just the smallest morsel of comfort to sink into his skin and convinced him to momentarily stop bracing against the mass of hands just long enough for them to somehow release him from confines of the vibranium cuffs.

When Peter felt the pressure on his writs dissipate, his arms immediately snapped forward to wrap around his red and gold savior, gripping into the alloy mixture without fear of denting it. The person behind the armor didn’t even flinch he crunched the suit like aluminon foil.

“Don’ wan you ‘o leave me,” Peter slurred.

A couple minutes of silence passed, where the figure just hushed Peter by massaging his arms with one hand, supporting him still with the other, until the teenager could be coaxed into letting go and laying onto a gurney. When he finally relinquished the last of his grip and the medical staff began to work, Peter felt a stab of panic into his heart again. Behind his eyes, he could see the masked faces of his captors, taunting him in his intoxicated, helpless state and reaching to inflict more pain. Before Peter could open his mouth to scream, however, the sensation of someone holding his hand cut through the vision, anchoring him to reality.

The hand was about the size of the metal ones holding onto him earlier, except this time they were made of flesh. They felt soft yet calloused; gentle yet firm.

“Dad?”

Peter blinked a couple times, double vision lining up long enough to see Tony Stark’s face hovering over his own, concerned eyes and a worried smile. He ran his free hand over Peter’s sweat and blood matted hair, just like a parent would.

“It’s okay, little Bambino. I’m not going anywhere.” ~~~~~~~~

Peter didn’t remember calling Tony “Dad.” Actually, Peter didn’t remember much from his recuse at all. He wasn’t as embarrassed about it as his mentor, and even he himself, thought he was going to be though. Peter had recused people from kidnapping situations before and accepted that sometimes they say and do weird things. Never mind the fact that he had been fighting off calling Iron Man “Dad” in everyday conversations about a month prior to the incident.

Surprisingly, Peter was more flustered to find out that, true to his word, Tony stayed with him through all the poking, prodding, and evaluating. Even when surgery was deemed necessary

to reset some broken bones Peter had, Tony was there while he was put under and prepped for surgery. It was not until the lead doctor, Helen Cho, insisted that his presence in the surgery suite would be unsanitary and could inhibit the team of doctors that the billionaire finally did step aside. And even still, Tony’s face was the first he saw when he woke up.

Peter made a pretty quick recovery after that, all things considered. Once he gained enough weight back for his super healing to begin and work again, his bones and wounds seemed to knit themselves back together at an astronomical rate. 48 days after the incident and Dr. Cho even cleared him to be Spider-Man again, to Tony and May’s disgruntlement.

But Peter figured, this kind of thing…it happens to heroes. It happened to Tony. Sure, that was before he became Iron Man, but it still counts. And anyway, he didn’t want it to stop him from helping people; from preventing that kind of thing from happening to anyone else. He did the time in the hospital, he went to Tony’s mandated therapy, he should be able to be Spider-Man. It was the best thing for him anyway; to just move on.

Because that’s what heroes do.

Right?

But while he may have recovered from his physical wounds, his mental ones seemed tattooed with ugly ink on the back of his skull

Peter found he no longer felt safe in the apartment, with the sounds of the city beneath him. Whenever he closed his eyes, the dripping of their old bathroom faucet, or the sounds of his neighbors arguing, or the smell of the trash on the curb somehow brought him back to that grimy warehouse he had been kept in.

And when he was out and about, Peter’s Spidey Sense would constantly thrum. It made him seem paranoid. He would jump at just the sound of car doors closing or cats meowing or even just his friends approaching from behind. Everyone felt too close, but also too far.

The nightmares had to be the worst of it. Every night, he felt tortured again. Sometimes they were memories, sometimes imaginative scenarios, but always his fears playing out before his eyes. He tried to immerse himself with Spider-Man patrols and schoolwork in the late hour of night when sleep felt like imprisonment, but that wasn’t helping his mental state either.

That’s how Peter found himself sleeping at the Tower.

Peter wasn’t sure if being so high up and far away from the streets was what helped him calm down, or the bullet proof windows, or if it was just being close to Tony, but something about the Tower allowed him to sleep, even if only a little bit.

May was the first to approve of the arrangement.

“Anything to help my baby get better,” she said.

Tony had been pushing for him to stay anyway.

“It’s safer,” the genius would claim. And he was right, but there was more too it than that.

Either way, the Spiderling now had his own Star-Wars themed room in the Stark penthouse, down the hall from the master bedroom. And he would be lying if he said staying with his mentor hadn’t been great. The long lab days, the movie nights, the expensive family dinners, all of it was wonderful…except for one thing.

Thunderstorms.

KA-DUUUM!

Peter snapped forward in his bed, a mangled shout caught somewhere in this throat, never to make it out into the open. His eyes darted to the window which was being battered by rain. Part of him was thankful for the thunder for waking him from his impending nightmare. The other part of him, however, knew that this was almost worse.

FU-FOOM!

Another burst of noise had Peter jumping from his bed and into fighting position, hands balled into fists to keep them from shaking.

The tower was not soundproof. And being so high up, Peter felt the sounds of the storm were the only things that were made to be even louder.

Peter could feel see his veins throbbing with increased blood pressure. He squeezed his eyes shut to try and focus on his breathing, but the darkness behind his eyelids made his mind swim with anxiety.

“There is nothing to fear. There is nothing to fear. I’m safe here. I’m safe here,” Peter whispered to himself.

Logically, Peter knew this was just a harmless storm. He used to love watching them out of the massive windows in the tower. But ever since he came home from being kidnapped, he couldn’t handle it. The noises, the flashes of light, the way the tower seemed sway in the wind, all of it was too much for his heightened senses. The worst of it was, he didn’t know why. Maybe it was because it had been storming the night of his capture, or maybe it was just his PTSD, but either way it was driving him insane.

BARROOOM!

This time, Peter darted out of his room and into the hallway. Instinctually, he wanted to seek out comfort from the only other person in the house: Tony Stark. However, Peter was also trying to hide his fear of thunderstorms from his mentor, and up to this point he thought he had done a pretty damn good job. He had even had Ned hack FRIDAY so she wouldn’t alert Tony when he wasn’t sleeping well. He just didn’t want anyone to worry about him more than they already did. Which was a lot, by the way.

Tony didn’t need anything more weight on his mind, in Peter’s opinion. Despite how he hid behind a mask of sarcasm and sunglasses, Peter knew his mentor blamed himself for the world’s problems and carried that weight on his shoulders at all times. What kind of person would he be to add to that weight?

So, the young superhero padded past the Stark master bedroom and instead went into the kitchen to grab some water. He was about halfway done with his glass when another flash of lightening caused the kitchen-living area to momentarily flicker to life with a blinding white light. He could feel his stomach drop and hairs stand on end in the pitch black that followed, waiting for the room to be filled with sounds of thunder.

WA-BAMM!

CRASH!

Peter dropped his glass to the floor and jumped to the ceiling, whimpering when the glass he was using shattered beneath him. Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes as he crawled into the safety of a corner.

“Peter?”

Tony poked his head up over the back of his luxury couch, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes to help them adjust to the dark as he scanned the room for the spiderling. It wasn’t long before he spotted the human-sized form on the ceiling, huddling in a corner, silently sobbing.

“Oh Pete…”

Before Tony could even get up to go collect his kid, thunder struck again.

BUUU-DUDUMM!

Inhibitions falling, Peter scurried across the ceiling and dropped down on the couch next to Tony, curling up into his side like an infant.

“Dad, I’m sacred…” he mumbled into the genius’ oil-stained shirt, fear completely taking over.

Tony was sure Peter was unaware of what he had called him, but one look into the teen’s desperate, pleading eyes, and Tony decided he would let it be. The title gave him a warm, tingling feeling anyway. He knew in a second, he would be honored to be this kid’s Dad.

So, Tony did what any Dad would do and wrapped his arms around the boy, rubbing circles into his back and told him it would be okay. And they sat like the for the whole duration of the storm, until sobs became sniffles.

Peter was the first to break away, although not far enough that he was out of his mentor’s strong hold.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark. I don’t know what came over me,” he said, faced flushed from both crying and embarrassment.

Tony gave him the same concerned eyes and a worried smile that he vaguely remembered from his rescue. The man then ran his hand through the boy’s curls and, in a move that surprised them both, kissed the top of Peter’s head.

“You have nothing to be ashamed of. I know how difficult recovery can be. After Afghanistan…well…I guess you could say storms bothered me too, and I don’t have your senses,” the billionaire admitted.

Peter was shocked.

“Really? Is that why you were sleeping on the couch?” he asked.

“Uhh, actually, I just stay out here because I worry about you…ya know, in case you need me,” Tony answered, looking away a little nervously. He felt exposed, although deep inside knew his kid would never exploit that.

“Oh. I’m sorry,” Peter said quietly.

Tony noticed his guilt sinking in and immediately looked back at the kid and squeezed his arm so Peter would do the same.

“Hey, don’t be sorry. I really don’t mind.”

Peter looked skeptical.

Tony sighed.

“Listen. You are so good, Pete. What happened to me, I deserved that. But you? You do nothing be help people who have no advocate. I am so proud of you and the least I can do is be here when you need me. I’m not particularly good with my emotions but know that just how Iron Man will always look out for Spider-Man, Tony Stark will always look out for Peter Parker. Okay?”

Peter smiled. A genuine smile. Tony could swear it stopped raining in the moment and the room seemed almost brighter.

“I’m here for you too,” Peter said.

Damn this kid was too good.

“It won’t always hurt like this. It’s okay to lean on other people. I guess that’s something I’m still learning too.”

“We’ll get through this, Mr. Stark. Together.”

Tony smiled down at his kid, but a sudden thought turned his sweet smile into a mischievous smirk.

“Don’t you mean ‘Dad’?”

Peter flushed.

“Mrrrr. Starrrkkk.”

[obsidianfr3sk]

through the aching shell

Hello!!! After a practically two months without posting anything (not because I was feeling down or anything, school was just making me go crazy), I finally finished the thrid part of the shell series I’m writing with my mother and dear friend Dawn ( @honey-hippie-harper​), where we explore the angsty and depressing parts of Hugh and Simon’s relationship, because we’re crazy and we like to make it everyone’s problem. 

The last two parts (which you can find here and here, and should read in that order for you to understand this one) were from Simon’s POV, but this time I decided to take some creative liberties and write it from Hugh’s POV, since this is basically my own birthday present (yeah, people, I’m 18 years old now, I’m so grown up *emoji with cool glasses*) and I have a permit to do whatever I want (? so I decided to write about Adrian starting his criminal life (?), the Council fighting like my mental ilnesses do at 2AM, and how Georgie’s death affected her loved ones, but especially Hugh, since, like Dawn said, we firmly believe they were best friends and he didn’t grieve her in a healthy way:’) 

This ended up being... a lot longer than I expected (literally 67 word pages). And also a lot more depressing. I want to give a pretty important trigger warning for suicidal ideation, especially for the last scenes. Please, if you read, proceed with caution and take care of yourself. 

On other important news (?), I didn’t feel like killing people today, so I took this canon divergence post my moms did of how Callum and Winston survived the arena, and decided they were going to survive. I don’t think it’s super obvious because of how I wrote the scene, but I just wanted to let you know, so you can be happy with me about it. 

And what else? Well, I think that’s it:’) thank, Dawnie, for letting me continue this, I feel honored you let me form part of it skldhfjksdjhskd and I’m tagging @healing-winston-pratt and @the-wee-woo-girl in this, because I know you really like the shell series and want to know what happens next! Thanks to you too for your nice comments, I love you so much, my friends <3 and I hope you love this part too as much as I love writing it.

It wasn't until several minutes passed after he heard Simon going upstairs that Hugh realized he had been sitting on the ground during all this time.

He held onto the kitchen counter and stood up with difficulty. As soon as he saw his own hand, he noticed it had small silver drops all over it, and they reminded him of the coffee sometimes they accidentally spilled when they grabbed their respective cups before heading out of the house.

They also reminded him of blood.

In fact, they were awfully similar to blood.

He passed his sleeve over it to clean it. Not only did that refuse to work, but now he also had a gray stain on his uniform

Fuck.

But before he could come up with something to do about it, Simon started walking downstairs, slower and clumsier than before, while struggling with some heavy object. He stayed completely still for a couple of seconds, deliberating about what he was supposed to do.

Should he go to see what was going on?

Should he go help him?

Should he go and ask him to stay for the last time?

He was fast enough to turn his back on Simon when he showed up on the kitchen door hiding the trail of chrome he had left with his body

During the ten seconds Simon stayed there, staring at him, Hugh kept his eyes on his hands, flatly refusing to look back at him because if he did, he would meet her eyes too.

And he wasn't willing to go through that again in front of Simon.

In front of anyone, really.

He should have never allowed his emotions to come out in such a grotesque and explosive way. He thought he had learned to keep his anger, but the last time he had snapped like that was as recent as Genissa's Clark threat, after he couldn't stand how the rest of the Renegades were looking at the Council—

How they were looking at him.

It had been a slip. A pretty serious slip and that should not have happened again. Much less in the magnitude with which it had just happened a few moments ago, with Simon.

Simon.

Of all people, it had been Simon.

The man who irradiated the the most powerful beam of kindness without even saying a single word. The one who was able to talk people out of their evil ways because he was convinced goodness was a crucial part of human nature and no one was beyond repair. The person he thought about each time the fire of his anger started to emerge in his throat, and whose smile, eyes, and voice were enough for Hugh to be able to control him.

But today it hadn’t.

It hadn't been enough.

Simon hadn't been able to make it better.

The fire had gotten out of his control, and now, there was nothing left but ashes.

Ashes of anger that now was reduced to shame.

When Hugh turned around, Simon was closing the door on his way out.

***

He stayed leaning against the kitchen bar for a good four hours before he received the first message asking him where he was.

It was from Tamaya.

She said they needed to talk.

About what? She didn’t specify. But it was probably about how they left her alone for hours when it was supposed to be just during their lunch break.

While he texted her he would be there in a minute, he couldn’t help but look at his sleeves, and immediately knew, he couldn’t go there wearing those clothes, so he went through the small closet where they kept their clean superhero suits in case they needed to change after a mission or something. When he opened the closet and realized it was empty, he remembered Simon had taken them to the Headquarters, because he thought it was better to keep them there, since it was where they were most of the time.

Hugh clenched his fists and, before he could make a hole through the wall or something, he sighed and decided to take a shower first.

Tamaya would be fine if he disappeared a couple of hours more.

Maybe Tamaya could bring him one…

But Tamaya was in charge of the Headquarters, so she was pretty busy at the moment. Evander would take hours to get there and ask for explanations he didn’t want to give him, and… to be honest, he wasn’t quite sure if he was in the right state of mind to ask Kasumi to do him a favor.

“If Adrian wants to see me—”

Then, he remembered Adrian.

He was still at the hospital with Max. And if his mental clock was correct, he needed to be with his team in exactly an hour so they could start patrolling.

After showering, he put on some civilian clothes and grabbed the keys he had left on the entrance table.

Simon’s keys weren’t there though.

He had taken his own car.

***

Adrian wasn’t at the waiting room like he had said he would, but that didn’t surprise Hugh. No, what actually surprised him was how empty the whole hospital looked. No nurse was attending the front desk, and the few doctors he could see were either running to get to the next patient or whispering something to their coworkers. When he started wandering through the hospital, looking for a familiar face he recognized from the ones who were involved in Max’s case to ask them if he had seen Adrian (and if he could pay a quick visit to Max to kiss him goodnight because he probably wouldn’t be able to go to the hospital again before his bedtime), he noticed a group of nurses consoling a crying one a couple of meters from there.

He didn’t recognize her from anywhere, so he didn’t even bother to ask her anything.

Also… what the hell, he could pay a quick visit to Max without asking for their permission first. He was Captain Chromium, even if he wasn’t wearing his uniform at that moment, but most importantly, he was Max’s dad. He wasn’t going to stay there and wait for them to get their shit together and start doing their job.

After taking the elevator to get to the floor where Max’s room was, he noticed two doctors standing right beside the door, arguing in a low voice. They didn’t even realize Hugh was there until he was right in front of them, about to ask them if they could move to let him enter the room.

One of them interrupted what the other was saying and immediately tried to stop Hugh.

“I’m sorry, sir, you cannot be here, it’s a quarantine—” when she made contact with him, she and the other doctor’s expressions changed completely.

He had seen the same face a thousand times after people realized who they were talking to.

In other circumstances, he would have tried to be nice about it, but at that moment, he didn’t have any energy left to tell them about his intentions.

He needed to kiss Max goodnight. And then, he needed to look for Adrian.

So when he carefully pushed them aside and walked into the room, he didn’t feel any guilt for acting like that.

What he did feel, was his blood freezing the instant his eyes laid on Max’s bed and saw it was completely empty.

The small smile he had just put on his face to greet his kid immediately disappeared.

“Where—”

“Your sons have left this hospital, Mr. Everhart,” the doctor blurted out. “Together.”

But that wasn’t what Hugh was going to ask.

“Doctor— Where’s my husband?”

I need to see my husband.

***

According to what the doctors told him while they took him to one of their offices, Adrian and Max had escaped the hospital forty minutes before Hugh arrived. They knew it had been that way since one of the nurses saw them and tried to stop them, but they somehow made her faint for a couple of minutes, and when she was able to turn on the alarm, they were already gone. The doctors who were in Max’s room when he arrived were the ones who found the note Adrian had left, a note where he assured Max was fine, with his brother, and that the Renegades had nothing to worry about.

But Hugh was worried. He was so worried he couldn’t even yell at the staff for being so negligent and letting a teenager and a kid— two kids, go under their noses. He was so worried, that when Simon barged into the office, also wearing his civilian clothes, he didn’t run to hug him like he had been craving all that time he had to sit down and think about the horrible things that may be happening to his sons in those instants, while he heard the doctors doing their absolute best not to look like complete idiots in front of him and failing miserably; instead, he stayed quiet and let him ask all the questions he wanted to ask, doing his best not to look at him, not even out of the corner of his eye.

The last straw for him was when, by accident, the crying nurse (who apparently worked in the maternity ward) entered, and broke again as soon as she saw them, assuring them that she would never let them get to the roof if she had known their true intentions.

He heard roof and he heard intentions. And he immediately came to the realization, that even though the doctors had told him the whole staff was looking for them everywhere, no one told him if they had already looked for them...

If they had already looked for them outside the building.

After murmuring some words to the nurse, Simon got out of there, running like a crazy man through the hospital, being followed by the two doctors, trying to stop him, so he wouldn’t make a scene in front of the other patients.

And Hugh, who immediately felt uncomfortable as soon as they left him alone with the sobbing woman, stood up and followed the sounds of the doctors' pleas.

He knew where Simon was going.

When he got there, Simon was leaning over the roof, while the doctors stayed under the door frame, with mortified faces.

Seconds later (which felt like hours), he stumbled back from the edge of the roof and sat down on the floor, sighing with relief.

It was more than enough for him to feel able to breathe normally again.

“Mr. Everhart—” the doctor said. “I think you should call your son.”

He agreed and let him know with a nod of his head. Then, he asked something about if they wanted to go to the office again, but Simon answered before him and told the doctor it was fine. Then, his co-worker grabbed him by the arm and told them they were going to give them their space. That time, none of them answered her. So they left without saying anything else.

It wasn’t like it mattered to him anyway. At that moment, the only one he wanted to hear was Simon’s voice.

Simon’s voice yelling at him. Crying. Cursing. It didn’t matter in what tone he was talking as long as he was able to hear him say his name.

Say something.

Anything.

Simon kept his head low but pointed at Hugh’s bracelet.

Call Adrian.

The bracelet rang on the other side of the line, and the more it did, and the more silent Simon stayed, the more Hugh’s worry started to vanish.

The wind took away the ashes of his anger, and let the fire start again.

As soon as Adrian picked up, he put him on speaker.

But he didn’t let him talk.

“Where is he?” he barked through the phone. “Adrian, what have you done?”

Simon slowly stood up, stumbling a little, and Adrian clicked his tongue. “So… you got the note?”

Oh, my—

“Yes, we got the note!” he yelled. “What’s going on? Where’s Max?”

“He’s somewhere safe,” Adrian responded immediately. “Trust me.”

He almost snorted. “Trust you? What does that even—”

Suddenly, Simon grabbed him by the arm and brought the bracelet closer to his face. “Adrian, we do trust you.” And he quickly added: “And we trust Max.”

Trust.

“But this is serious,” Simon continued. “We need to know where he is. You of all people should understand how dangerous it is for him to be alone out in the world.”

“He is not alone,” Adrian argued. “No other prodigies will be at risk, and he’s comfortable and secure, maybe even happy, which is more than we could ever say about putting him back in that quarantine.”

Simon opened his mouth but he couldn’t find any words to say. His grip started to get loose little by little until he let him go completely.

He couldn’t take his eyes away from Simon’s hands.

He wanted to hold them so bad.

“How did you even manage to get him out of the hospital?” Hugh asked Adrian. “Did you find the Vitality Charm?”

“No, Dad. But I— I borrowed one of the hazmat suits from HQ and put Max into it,” he explained. “The barrier protected me from his powers long enough to get him to where we needed to go.”

That was enough for Simon to come back to reality. Just that this time, he just got closer to the bracelet; he didn’t touch him at all. “A hazmat suit? And no one noticed a ten-year-old kid wandering down the corridors in a hazmat suit?” just after saying that sentence, he subtly gasped and groaned. “Invisibility. Right. You know, I forget that he has that one, too.”

For a second, Hugh thought he was talking to him. But when Adrian answered, he knew Simon was not. “You did give it to him, so technically, it’s kind of like you helped him escape.”

“Don’t get smart,” he snapped. “And he didn’t need to escape. He’s not a prisoner!”

“Wasn’t he?”

He didn’t wait for them to answer him. It was a rhetorical question.

Not like Hugh knew how he would answer that question.

“Look, I know you guys love him,” Adrian continued, “but I’m not letting you put him back in that quarantine, end of story. For now, he’s safe where he is until we find a more permanent solution.”

Simon turned away, covering his mouth with his hand, and looking at the sky.

Adrian— Adrian didn’t sound like his usual self.  In fact, if he wanted to be completely honest with himself, the way his son was behaving reminded him a lot of a younger Adrian, who was just a little bit older than Max, entering into what would soon become his teen years, and liked to think all his parents did was making his life a living hell. Like when he asked Hugh to let him go to that Renegades Camp that was supposed to be only for the kids who were living in orphanages funded by the Council, or when he wanted Simon to get him a couple of new sneakers; in both situations, he received no for an answer, and proceeded to make a huge deal out of it, asking them why were they always trying to isolate him from other kids, or if they were poor again and would have to share a piece of bread between the three of them, like when they lived at Simon’s house.

Both of those situations were tantrums that Hugh could let slide. He let Adrian go to the camp that year (after a lot of consideration) and bought him the sneakers he wanted as his birthday present, even getting a little mad at Simon for not getting them when Adrian asked him to since it wasn’t like they didn’t have the money or something.

Even he could understand those situations were… things all kids went through at that age. It was a phase that Adrian outgrew.  

But that— that was not a phase.

That was not even a tantrum.

It was reckless and stupid, and dangerous.

And he was putting Max in danger. He was making Simon as worried as he had never seen him worried before.

And it was something Hugh could not let slide.

Not this time.

“No, Adrian,” Hugh said, “you are going to tell us where he is right this minute, so we can get him back to the hospital and make sure—”

But Adrian knew how to play that game too.

“We’ll talk about it later,” he interrupted. “For now, I’m late for a team meeting. Okay, guys? Love you, bye!”

And he hanged up.

And he didn't give them a chance to tell him they love him too.

But even if he had, Hugh knew he wouldn't say it back.

Just like that morning when they visited Nova at Cragmoor.

Before Hugh could even move, Simon left the roof, leaving him alone with those words echoing inside his head.

Trust me.

Hugh remembered he had trusted her. And, in a way, she had trusted him too.

And that was when everything started going downhill.

***

There was nothing Hugh could do at the hospital anymore. He encountered the doctors that had been informing them about the whole situation, and when he started telling them everything was fine and that they were able to locate their kids, they told them Mr. Westwood had already been there and notified them. They also promised everyone in the hospital was going to keep Max’s condition a secret and assure him no information was going to be leaked to the media to keep him safe. Hugh thanked them, but honestly, it was the least they could do.

When he went to the hospital’s parking lot, he looked for Simon’s car. Since he didn’t find it, he assumed he had gone to Kasumi’s house.

Hugh was going to return to Headquarters. To distract himself.

He entered through one of the back doors, so no one from the patrol units or the janitorial team saw him in his civilian clothes. He was lucky not to walk into someone while going through the corridors, but he didn’t feel safe until he entered his office and closed the door behind him.

And that feeling lasted… five seconds.

Because when he turned on the lights, Tamaya was sitting on top of his desk, with her legs crossed and drumming her fingers against the dark wood.

“Shit, Tamaya, why are you in my office?” he asked her with a hand on his chest.

She didn’t seem a little ashamed when she heard him scream. She didn’t even flinch.

“Shit, Hugh, why are you not in your office?” she asked him back.

She knew he didn’t like when people copied his exact words.

“Get off my desk,” he ordered her while walking towards it and sitting in his swivel leather chair. “You look super creepy waiting for me in the dark. Next time send a text”

Tamaya acted like she didn’t hear him. “I did,” she growled. “I did and you told me you were going to be here in a matter of minutes. What the hell happened there? What the hell was so important it made you think it was appropriate to leave me hanging here?”

Hugh opened one of the drawers (the bigger one) and found his uniform inside a plastic bag. It had a purple sticky note, and in permanent black sharpie, Simon had written his name with his wonderful, horrible calligraphy and drawn small hearts around it.

Hugh turned it into a small ball and threw it in the trash.

“Evander was here,” he reminded her as if she didn’t already know it. “I didn’t leave you hanging.”

“Evander doesn’t count. He’s asleep right now, actually.”

In Headquarters, they had a couple of rooms filled with beds, in case the patrol units needed to rest after a particularly long shift or wanted to take a nap before patrolling. For some reason, Evander liked to rest there, and if no one else was there, he even locked the door so no one was able to come in. Hugh thought it was very selfish of him to do that, but Evander assured him it was actually pretty comfortable (as if that was the problem he had with it) and Simon always told Hugh to let it go since it was something Evander only did after he finished his shift or was about to be up all night, just like the patrol units.

But he wasn’t going to let it go now. He decided that after putting on his uniform, he was going to kick the door down, grab him by the ankles, and throw him out of the bed.

Hugh closed the drawer. “Hey, I’m going to change my clothes, so—”

His lips sealed just as Tamaya put a hand on his shoulder.

Not like “I’m with you”.

More like…

“Move and I’m going to kick your ass.”

Hugh didn’t want to get his ass kicked that day.

“Answer. My. Question.” And she said it again. “What the fuck was so important it made you think it was appropriate to leave me hanging here?”

He tried to think of an excuse not to tell Tamaya the truth.

But, honestly, there wasn’t one. She was going to know all about it sooner or later.

“Max disappeared from the hospital.”

Tamaya let go of his shoulder and gasped. “What?—”

“Don’t worry,” he quickly added, “he’s fine, Adrian took him. Can I change now?” She sighed and then, she nodded. “Thanks. Hold the fort.”

Tamaya walked to the door and locked it, just to make sure no one was going to enter and see Captain Chromium, their boss, just wearing his underwear and trying to get into those tight leggings everyone had told him looked ridiculous since the moment he turned them into a crucial part of his superhero gear (and personality), but he kept wearing and will keep wearing until the day he died.

Hugh was going to hold on to that small piece of dignity he had left as if his life depended on it, because, maybe, just maybe, it kind of did.

So… one way to do it, was to make sure no one entered while he changed his clothes.

Tamaya could stay though. It would be stupid to put on an act of false modesty when Tamaya had seen all of them naked at some point in their lifes. However, the main difference between her and Evander, who had also seen everyone naked, was that Tamaya just remained quiet and closed the door almost as soon as she had opened it, while Evander started screaming so loud, that if they had had neighbors, they would have heard him say he had seen boobies (or a pee-pee, depending on the case) (he also hated the word pee pee thanks to that.)

Tamaya, respectful as she was, kept her eyes fixated on the ceiling. “So that’s why you were dressed up like that,” she mumbled. “I wouldn't change my clothes if my son went missing, either.”

That hadn’t exactly been the line of events, but what Tamaya didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. “How dare you. I have an incredibly good sense of fashion.”

Hugh was wearing a t-shirt, a hoodie, and ratty jeans.

In his defense, he hadn't done laundry that week.

That wasn’t a great defense, but still.

“Yeah, sure,” she scoffed. “When you entered, I thought you were an intruder and was about to get all defensive and shit.”

“Well, you’re not the only one—” he put his civilian clothes in the plastic bag “—When I went to the hospital, no one really recognized me at first either.”

Tamaya slightly smiled and then crossed her arms against her chest. “What do you mean Adrian took him?” she asked.

He stopped what he was doing for a couple of seconds. “I mean that,” he finally said. “He took him. Adrian got Max out of the hospital, took him somewhere else, and refused to tell us where he is.”

“And where’s Adrian now?”

“Patrolling with his team.”

Patrolling with his team.

As if he hadn’t kidnapped his brother and put in danger dozens of prodigies in the process.

As if he hadn’t worried them as if he had done before, because apparently, he was still too young and immature to comprehend that Max’s situation was something neither of them wished for, but at the same time, was a lot more complicated than he thought it was.

As if nothing had happened.

Tamaya stayed in complete silence until he sat down and remembered, he didn’t bring the boots that he wore with the superhero suit.

Great.

Those shoes didn’t even match the leggings.

“And what did you tell him?”

“Nothing. He didn’t give me the chance.”

Maybe if he stayed behind his desk until he finished his responsibilities of the day, no one would notice. And he could always exit through the backdoor.

“That kid. He wasn’t like that— Adrian had never done something like this before. I’m— I’m honestly shocked by his behavior.”

“You tell me.”

But he didn’t want to. Yet. He didn’t want to go to his house.

Not like that.

Not alone.

“What are you going to tell Adrian?”

And Adrian.

Alone, and with Adrian.

“What am I going to tell him?”

Tamaya nodded, and a wave of possible answers flooded his head.

Adrian, you’re in big trouble.

Adrian, you’re grounded for the rest of your life.

Adrian, please tell me where Max is, I’m begging you.

Adrian, grow up.

Adrian, your dad is not coming back for a very long time.

Adrian.

Adrian.

Your mom—

“Nothing.”

Because there is nothing that could be said.

Tamaya raised her eyebrows. “Nothing?” she doubtfully asked.

“Nothing.”

“You can’t say nothing to him,” she objected, incredulous. “That’s just not healthy.”

Hugh pretended he was going through the pages of a document someone had left for him on his desk. As if he could read those tiny letters without his glasses.

As if he couldn’t go years without talking to people.

Or about them.

“Hugh. Hugh, are you lis—”

“What did you want to talk about?”

“Huh?”

When he realized he was rolling his eyes, it was too late to stop. He just kept talking and hoped Tamaya didn’t gouge them out. “You told me before you needed to talk to me,” he explained.

“No, I said we needed to talk,” she corrected him pointing at him with a finger. She was wearing black nail polish.

You see? You remember perfectly.

“Well, in case you were wondering—” he opened the document and started reading it “—I’m listening. What’s the situation?”

Tamaya didn’t have time to react to his words. If she was going to scream, start talking about what she (she, because Hugh didn’t want to), or genuinely gouge his eyes out, no one, probably not even Tamaya herself, would ever know.

A loud banging, stifled voices, and a very familiar yell interrupted them all of the sudden.

“DAD!”

Hugh grasped tightly the pages of the document, while Tamaya grunted loudly and opened the door, her wings extended and bristly.

“WHAT?!”

The loud banging and stifled voices went silent. But the familiar yell didn’t fear Tamaya.

Because he was that reckless.

“Dad.”

Tamaya’s wings relaxed and she moved aside, letting Hugh see Adrian, still in his Renegade uniform, a little bit sweaty and dirty, like every time he came back from patrol. His team was sweaty and dirty too, but none of them had the same expression Adrian’s face had.

He seemed weird. Different.

He would dare to say he looked hopeful.

And the moments where they just stayed staring at each other, probably waiting for the other to make the first move, Hugh couldn’t figure out the reason why.  

***

Innocent.

She was innocent.

According to the Renegades, Nova Jean McLain was innocent.

They came to that resolution an hour and a half later.

When Adrian first told him Nova was innocent, he couldn’t understand what he was talking about, but Tamaya took control of the situation and immediately told Hugh to wake Evander up at the same time she told Adrian’s team to follow her.

Hugh didn’t kick the door down, but he did grab him by the ankles and made him wake up screaming.

Evander walked beside him, wearing a Blacklight t-shirt people sold at Cosmopolis Park and asking him questions about what was going on, but Hugh insisted he waited until the rest of them arrived because it was a delicate situation.

Extremely delicate.

So delicate, Hugh thought it would break like a roof made of glass and the sharp pieces would rain all over their heads, cutting their bodies like a piece of rotten fruit.

At the meeting room, Tamaya was talking to Kasumi over the phone they kept there in case of an emergency, and Adrian was gathered with his team. He was the only one who had bothered to pretend that he wasn’t worried at all because Oscar Silva and Ruby Tucker couldn’t stop throwing glances at each other, and Danna Bell shook her head every once in a while, saying something that sounded like “You’re making a mistake. You all are making a mistake.”

Oddly enough, he hoped she was right. He hoped Adrian and everyone who believed him was just making a mistake, so things wouldn’t get more complicated than they already were.

That was not going to look good for them.

Kasumi and Simon arrived ten minutes after Tamaya hung up the phone. Neither of them were wearing their uniforms or bothering to look at Hugh. Actually, Kasumi walked directly towards Tamaya to apparently ask her something (and Evander followed her because he was Evander), while Simon immediately went over Adrian, turned around the spinning chair he was sitting on, and hugged him, without caring a single bit about embarrassing in front of his team.

Adrian hugged him back. But then, he pulled him away to tell him he knew for a fact Nightmare was not Nova, but instead, Narcissa Cronin, Gene Cronin’s granddaughter.

Simon remained calm, and rubbing Adrian’s arms, told him that was a pretty serious accusation.

“But tell us all about it.”

And Adrian did. He and his team told them all about it.

Mostly him though.

He told them about them encountering Narcissa Cronin and that she explained her evil plans to them, in extreme detail. She planted evidence to make Nova seem guilty because, after the parade, she wanted to get the Renegades off her back, and Nova was the perfect person to incriminate for her crimes. She considered it her revenge against the Renegades for not doing anything when Ingrid Thompson shot the only family she had left, but after hearing a rumor of her execution, she realized she didn’t want Nova to die in the hands of the Renegades.

Not because she cared about her. She just had principles.

Or those were the words Adrian used, that made him question himself if he wanted to see her dead.

Because even when he gave Frostbite— or, Genissa Clark, permission to be the one to execute her, he still didn’t know if he did because he was sure it was the right thing…

Or because he was scared.

Which still— didn’t answer his question.  

Do you really want to see Nova McLain dead?

He wasn’t sure about it.

Tamaya, on the other hand, was.

She didn’t want to see Nova McLain dead.

And apparently, neither did Kasumi and Simon, because as soon as Adrian finished telling his side of the story, they immediately started talking about removing all charges that had been filed against her to get her out of Cragmoor as soon as possible. Evander tried to interrupt them and insisted that maybe they needed to hear the rest of the team (who had barely spoken through the entire conversation), as well as to go to the scene to look for clues. Danna Bell agreed with him and tried to take the word, but Tamaya stated they didn’t need to hear anything else, because the more they stayed there, listening, the more time an innocent girl stayed in prison. When Evander tried to argue again, Tamaya looked at Hugh, silently asking him to support her.

The five members of the Council knew the glass roof they had been standing under for God knows how much time, had shattered completely.  

The least Hugh could do was use his entire body to try to protect them from it.

So he agreed with Tamaya, and said, out loud, that Nova McLain was free of all charges.

Tucker and Silva smiled as soon as they heard him say that, and Bell just sighed. Adrian let out a “Yes!” under his breath and turned around to say, “Thank you.”

Evander just rolled his eyes and started playing with a pencil he found there, but Tamaya and Kasumi smiled at him, and Simon said, “No, Adrian, thank you.”

Before leaving the room with the rest of his team, Adrian cast a glance at Hugh.

But Hugh pretended he didn’t realize until Danna Bell told Adrian to keep going and he obeyed.

***

The Council stayed in the meeting room for a little while, to put all the cards on the table and make sure they understood each of the steps they had to take to get Nova McLain out of Cragmoor. Evander and Hugh were the only ones who didn’t participate in the conversation at all, but while Evander was doing it because he knew anything he had to say was going to be completely ignored and was mad about it, Hugh didn’t do it because he couldn’t take his eyes away from Simon.

Even if Simon wasn’t looking at him at all.

He talked with his hands. A lot. When they were teens, he remembered Simon constantly kept his hands in his pockets, especially when they were in public, so he wouldn’t draw any kind of attention to himself, and only dared to do it when he was at his house or very excited or sad about something. But now that he was an adult, he gesticulated even more, even during the most serious of conversations, with no shame at all. Hugh always had thought it was an adorable quirk of his, and being able to see him grow and embrace that part of himself (and get emotional when Kasumi pointed out Adrian was starting to talk with his hands too) felt like something very personal to him.

Every single thing that had to do with Simon felt so personal to him.

He wasn’t his other half. Hugh had once said that to him, and Simon confessed he found that “compliment” pretty problematic, and he couldn’t help but agree to him.  

Simon was more than that. It was something so much more important, so much, that the way he scratched his beard, raised his eyebrows, and looked at the ceiling to try to remember the word he wanted to say, made him realize how much he missed him already.

He missed him already; and he was right there, inches away from him.

Home.

Simon was his home.

And his house wouldn’t feel like it if he arrived there without him.

So when Tamaya dismissed all of them, he decided to make something about it.

That night, he would go back to his house with Simon— or he was not going back at all.

Adrian was leaning against the wall, waiting for them while playing with his keys. His team was nowhere to be seen, which was completely understandable considering how late  it was. As soon as he saw them walking through the door, he started to walk towards them, almost ignoring how Evander accidentally pushed him while trying to get out of there as soon as possible.

Then, he asked, “Are we going home now?”

And even if he was looking at Hugh when he said that, Hugh, instead of answering him, turned to see Simon. Not only because he knew that if he opened his mouth, the only thing that would come out of it would be… something not very nice about what he thought about Adrian’s behavior over the last hours; but also because, at that point, it all depended on what Simon had to say about it.

Even if he didn’t know it.

Simon.

Are we going home now, Simon?

But instead of answering the question, Simon smiled at him, and rubbing Adrian’s arms, told him, “I think Tamaya’s going to drop you at the house. You could do that, right?”

Tamaya and Kasumi were standing behind them. “Yeah, of course, I can.”

“Are you going to carry me in your arms and take me for a flight?”

“Funny. What about if you carry me, huh?”

“I can.”

“I cannot allow it though. It wouldn’t be very feminist of me.” Adrian laughed at her joke, and she pretended to act all cocky about it, brushing off her shoulders and trying not to smile. “Let’s go. Kasumi—”

“It’s all right. I arrived with Simon, my car’s here.”

Tamaya told her it was all right and then pointed at the elevator to tell Adrian they needed to get going. Both women started walking beside him, being slowly, but closely followed by Simon, letting Hugh standing where he was, probably waiting for him to follow them or—

Or maybe not.

But Hugh didn’t want to follow them.

He just wanted him.

“Simon—”

Adrian didn’t stop; the adults, however, did.

He was so happy, so relieved to see Simon turn around when he called his name, he didn’t even care that Tamaya and Kasumi also did it, with an expression on their faces he couldn’t tell what they meant.

That was enough for him to blur out his question.

“Can we talk?”

Simon slightly opened his mouth, but before saying anything, he turned to see his friends, for a reason Hugh didn’t understand (and didn’t bother to think about it).

Adrian called for the elevator, and realized, everyone was literally just standing there, without moving, and all their eyes were fixated on Simon. “Um… guys?”

Tamaya was the first one to come back to reality. “Wait for me in the car, Adrian, I’ll be there in a minute.”

He didn’t give it too much thought and nodded.

Simon still hadn’t said anything when Adrian left in the elevator. But now that his presence was gone, Hugh felt enough courage and serenity to— beg, he guessed.

“Please. Can we talk?”

Please. Please, please, please—

“Yes,” Simon said. “Yes, we can talk.”

He smiled. Just a little bit. Because Simon didn’t move towards him after he accepted. Instead, he stayed right where he was, as if he was in a line to get something from a store and if he moved, he was going to lose his place and the thing he had been waiting for hours to get.

After waiting for a good ten awkward seconds for Kasumi and Tamaya to keep walking, he realized they had no intention of doing so. And also, he realized that he didn’t want to talk with them either. Not at that moment.

At that moment, the only thing, the only person that mattered, was Simon.

“Could we… maybe go somewhere else more private?” he mumbled while scratching his eyebrow and trying not to make eye contact with any of the girls.

Simon clicked his tongue and glanced at Tamaya and Kasumi. “I’ll be back in a second.”

Or not.

The few instants they were walking towards the meeting room, Hugh looked at Simon’s hands, wondering when it would be the right moment to sneakily touch them, like he did when he was in love with him but still didn’t know it.

But Simon had his hands deep inside his pockets.

The only light that came into the room was the light of the few lightbulbs that illuminated the corridor; they turned off the majority of them during the night, not only because there weren't that many people around, but also to save electricity. Hugh entered first and Simon didn’t completely close the door behind him, only enough for no one to be able to see what they were doing in case some other Renegade was around there and walked past the room.

After that, Simon closed his eyes, grabbed tons of air, and then let it all go with a sigh. When he finally looked him in the eyes, Hugh realized it was the first time he did that after their fight in the kitchen.

And he realized all of that had happened in one day.

What a day. He bet they would remember it for the rest of their lives.

He hoped they wouldn’t. He hoped, and he hoped, even if his rational part told him it was not going to happen because memories didn’t work that way at all, but he kept hoping anyway, and started searching for the correct combination of words he needed for Simon to also forget about that day.

Hugh was willing to ignore everything they had gone through during that day. He would take Simon’s silence, words, and indifference, put it all inside a box, and then throw it at the back of his memories and never be opened again, if Simon was willing to do the same for Hugh’s cries, screams, and feelings.

He was even willing to let Simon stay mad at him for the rest of the night if that was what he needed. Yes, he could handle a night like that. He could be the one to stare at Simon’s back, for Simon to take a break from staring at his almost all the time they got into bed. He would do anything for him.

And he just wanted him to do one thing: to ignore everything that had just happened.

Forever.

While his mind was still trying to come up with how he was going to put all those thoughts into words, he caressed Simon’s cheek to buy himself a couple of extra seconds. But when Simon tensed and clenched his jaw, instead of tilting his head a little bit and putting his own hand over his, like he did every time Hugh touched his face like that, he knew there was nothing he couldn’t let more time go by.

Suddenly, his eyes were fixated on Simon’s lips. The same small, bitten, and dry lips he had contemplated for so many years, they felt like his own, and tasted like peppermint, a little bit of coffee, and sometimes even lavender.

When Simon opened them to speak, Hugh went from having absolutely no clue of what to do, to being absolutely sure of what he needed to do.

So he just did it.

He just placed his lips on top of Simon’s and kissed him.

At first, Simon didn't break the kiss. Instead, he went with the flow and kissed him back, as if he had been craving that kiss for months.

And he probably did. It was just that Hugh, suddenly, didn't.

Like. He thought he had. But now that he was there, with one hand holding Simon's head, and Simon's about to touch his hips, he started to feel like there was something very wrong with that situation.

But he was desperate. He wanted him back. He wanted him back and if that meant kissing him when he didn't feel like it, he was going to do it.

He would do everything for Simon.

He would never give up on him.

He just really wanted him to know that.

And really wanted to know if Simon hadn't given up on him either.

Simon kissed him one last time, raised his hands, put them on Hugh’s chest—

And pushed him away.

He pushed him away so suddenly, he tripped on his own feet and hit his head against the wall.

It didn't hurt though.

Still, the only thing he could answer to that, with Simon staring at him, realization dawning on his face, was a really fake:

“Ouch.”

Suddenly, Simon snapped. “What the fuck was that? Hugh, what the fuck was that?” he insisted. “Did you— do you really think that treating me as if I were a— a fucking animal, you're going to get something from me? Where do you think I have my brain? Huh? Where!?”

Hugh didn't respond. And Simon wasn't taking it. “Where?! Answer me! Where, where, where—”

Simon raised his hands above his head, and started pulling his own hair, hid his face with his arms, and just— broke down.

In a million pieces.

That was enough to make him flinch.

He preferred he pushed him again. Hell, Simon could slap him for kissing him without telling him he was going to do it first, and it would be much better than watching him suffer like that.

“Where, where—” he cried “—Stars, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for pushing you, it was— are you— I'm so sorry, lo—” and let out a loud sob.

Hugh kept gazing at his crying husband for a while.

“Do you really think that low of me?”

And kept pulling his hair. And his face remained hidden. His cries only became louder and louder, and Hugh didn't dare to move, much less to touch him, because even if he wanted with all his might to hold him and grabbed him by the wrists so he didn't continue hurting himself, he knew it would be useless.

Everything was useless.

“Stop that,” he finally dared to say.

He didn't say “No, I don't.”

He didn't say “Of course I don't think badly of you.”

He didn't even say he loved him.

He told him to stop.

Stop what?

“No, you stop!” Simon shrieked. “Stop whatever the hell you're doing, stop it. You're hurting me.”

Hurting.

You're hurting me.

He looked at his hands. Fortunately, they were completely dry and have not a single drop of chromium coming out of them.

But they felt as if they were on fire. And heavy.

Is that how they were supposed to feel when they were hurting someone?

And if they felt this heavy, and this hot, and this horrible, in how much heavy, hot, horrible pain could the other person be?

No, really: in how much?

How could you explain pain to someone who couldn't feel it?

“Why?”

And like an idiot, he asked back, “Why what?”

Simon removed his arms from his face and looked him dead in the eye for what he knew would be the last in time.

“Why do you have to make everything worse, Hugh?”

Hugh didn’t answer his question, and Simon didn’t answer his either.

A question he never got the chance to ask but was at the back of his mind.

Have you given up on me yet?

***

Hugh didn't come out of the meeting room until he was sure no one else was around. Until the elevator had gone and came back four times, and until his head felt so dizzy, he would faint if he didn't sit down.

He looked around, making sure nobody saw him, went to his office, and put a lock in the door. Hugh didn't want anyone to interrupt him. He had a lot of paperwork to do if he wanted to get Nova out of Cragmoor as soon as the sun came out.

***

It wasn’t the first time he had slept at his office. It had never been because he wanted to, but because he absolutely had to. Somedays, he would have so many responsibilities, that his normal working hours were not enough for him to finish them all. It was a little uncomfortable since the desk wasn’t the best place one could sleep on, and sometimes he didn’t have the energy to get up and go to Max’s quarantine room, to at least have the opportunity to sleep on a bed and an excuse to have a little more time with him.

Those nights, when he had to put his head on the desk and use his arms as a pillow, he would wake up and realized someone had put a blanket over his shoulders. And he always knew that someone had been Simon because the blanket smelled a little bit like him.

Even if Max’s quarantine area hadn’t been destroyed and he could go there to sleep, he wouldn’t have done it. Max wouldn’t be there. It wouldn’t be the same with him moving like he was possessed by a demon and kicking him in his sleep.

Which was something also Simon did.

The day Nova was released from prison, Simon stayed at Kasumi’s house. She didn’t comment anything about it and Tamaya had been the one who told him that the reason he didn’t come to work was that he had a headache. Hugh never asked her about it, but she informed him anyways. For some reason, he pretended not to be very concerned about it and just mumbled he hoped he felt better tomorrow.

When he woke up, after his second night of sleeping on his desk, he considered the crazy idea Kasumi and Evander had told him of getting sofas for each one of his offices; idea that he had brushed off because he thought they would only waste space, but now regretted he hadn’t listened to.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have an extra uniform for that day, so he just prayed the one he was wearing was clean enough for nobody to notice he hadn’t changed his clothes that morning, put on a lot of deodorant and cologne to hide the fact he hadn’t showered, and went out through one of the back doors, just to enter again a couple of minutes later through the front door, pretending he had just arrived from home and hadn’t stayed there all night.

As soon as he entered, he told Sampson if he could please notify him when Nova arrived at Headquarters. He didn’t ask for an explanation as to why he wanted that, but accepted anyway, clearly excited for having her back with them.

Hugh wasn’t… excited. Or happy, for that matter. Not that he wasn’t happy that she wasn't locked up anymore— of course he was happy she wasn’t locked up anymore.

What he was feeling reminded him more of when Simon, Evander, and he were playing a game they liked to call “Tag, you’re straight”, that consisted of the three of them throwing balls against a random wall at the same time, and then doing their best to dodge them while pushing the others so they get hit. Then, whoever got hit, would be smacked on the back of his head, and the other two would yell “Tag, you’re straight!”. It was a game he really liked and they kept playing even when they weren’t teens anymore, since in their family, bullying Evander was a great bonding activity, and “Tag, you’re straight” was the perfect opportunity to do so, especially because, as far as everyone knew, Evander was, in fact, straight, so that made everything ten times funnier when he got hit by a ball and got mad about it.

And yes, everything was fun and laughs, until Hugh broke a window, and a very angry Tamaya practically kicked the door down to ask them what the fuck had happened, yelling at the three of them for a good two or five minutes.

Even if Hugh had been the one who broke the window, everyone (even Kasumi, who was in the bathroom when the whole thing happened) helped clean up the mess and got cardboard to cover what now would be considered a hole in the wall, so the cold wind and dust wouldn't get in the house. It seemed like Tamaya had gotten a lot out of her system after yelling at them, because she chuckled at the jokes Evander and Simon made about the situation, saying that Hugh’s new power was turning straight everyone (and everything) he touched and that now the window was “one of them”. Hugh wanted to laugh too, but at the same time, he could only ask himself how she was going to react when she arrived home and realized what he had done.

And of course he wanted her to come home, as he always wanted every time she got out, to make sure she was still safe and sound, and so they could tell each other about their day and what they had done while the other wasn’t around. But now, he was also worried. And ashamed.

It was a combination of happiness, expectation, worry, and shame.

And he didn’t like it one bit.

So when Sampson let him know, after a while, Nova McLain was there, what he really heard, was Simon’s voice telling him she had arrived.

He knew it wasn’t the same person. But it felt pretty similar.

He made sure he didn’t look like a dead body before going to the first floor while making mental notes of what he was going to say to Nova.

Her situation had always been one that was pretty delicate, but now it had taken a new turn. A simple “I’m sorry”, with only those words, wouldn’t be enough for her, because it wouldn’t be enough for him either. He knew how Cragmoor was.

Hugh wanted— needed her to feel as if she belonged to the Renegades. Because, yeah, she did, but he knew that when she was back in her cell, she probably didn’t feel that way, and if he let this one slide, it would become a problem sooner or later.

Probably much more sooner than later.

It wasn’t like he was going to lie to her face or something; he just was going to point in the right direction. For her.

When the elevator doors finally opened, he spotted Nova surrounded by Adrian’s team (but no Adrian in sight). Silva and Tucker were smiling at her and touching her, but Bell, who was used to keep her hands to herself when it came to physical touch, just stayed there, watching her friends greet her without actually participating in the conversation that was happening in front of her. Actually, she was the first one to leave Nova alone after Silva said something about going out to eat (and Hugh could clearly listen to him because Silva didn’t know how to keep his voice down, so when he went to their house, he could hear everything he said to Adrian, even the most embarrassing parts), an invitation Nova rejected, even after they insisted her to got with them. Hugh decided to take that as an opportunity to talk to her.

Nova was a Renegade.

And the Renegades didn’t turn their backs on each other.

The feeling that he had just thought something pretty hypocrite started to creep at the back of his mind, when someone very small bumped against his chest, and before he could mumble a mechanic apology and keep walking, he realized that very small someone was Nova.

He had to think fast.

“Oops, sorry, Nova.”

He could call her Nova, right? Insomnia felt way too formal. And McLain seemed a little bit aggressive. Plus, she was Adrian’s girlfriend— or that was the last thing he had known about the topic. If they had broken up, Hugh would have probably received a memo or something. He didn't have Max or Simon with him to ask them about what they knew about it. They probably would tell him to go ask Adrian directly though, and that was something Hugh was not willing to do because he was still not talking to Adrian.

“Uh… hi,” Nova stammered.

Then, being completely aware he could break her hand’s bones if he grabbed her too hard, gave her a handshake as carefully as he could.

But still solid enough to show her he was being serious.

“I asked Sampson to let me know when you came in. I wanted to be one of the first to welcome you back to the team.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

He released her hand and stopped smiling.

The conversation couldn’t die there. He needed more.  

“And I wanted to offer you a formal apology for this abysmal misunderstanding,” he added. “I’m ashamed to think how we treated you, as one of our own, when your loyalty and dedication has been so unwavering. It’s just…” What was the word? “all this turmoil that’s been going on lately, you know? The parade, Cosmopolis Park, the attack on headquarters, Ace Anarchy… sometimes I feel like we’re jumping through hoops set on fire, and every one of them is a little bit smaller. If we don’t keep ahead of all the threats and dangers, then one of these days, the whole thing will go up in flames.”

That was a good analogy. And he had just come up with that one.

Apparently, Nova thought it had been a good analogy too, because she chuckled and said, “Well, good thing you’re invincible, at least.”

“Yeah, I might be,” he shrugged, “but there are people I care about that don’t have that luxury, and I’m just doing what I can to protect them. I hope you understand that we did what we had to do, given the circumstances.”

The circumstances, he thought.

Nova had people she loved. Adrian had mentioned she had an uncle before, as far as he could remember. She had proved to be pretty passionate about the things she cared about, and he bet that she would do anything to protect the only family she had left.

The circumstances didn’t matter. They never mattered as long as the people one loved were safe.

She would understand.

She had to understand.

And fortunately, she did.

“Of course,” Nova answered, with a smile on her lips.

“Good.” Good. Everything was working out as he wanted to. “Because you are a part of the Renegades family now,” and he added, feeling a little too inspired, “and it’s important to me and all the Council that everyone here feels like they’re being treated fairly.  That they are part of this team.”

You’re a Renegade, Nova.

And the Renegades don’t turn their backs on each other.

And as if Nova had listened to his thoughts, she lifted her chin and said, “I don’t blame you and the Council for what happened. You were given information and you had to act on it. I understand why you did what you did. But—”

Hugh had to use all his might not to growl or roll his eyes as soon as he heard that word.

He couldn’t appear too relieved because something was always going to get in the way.

“—I was surprised by the whole execution thing.”

Me too.

Honestly, me too.

“Yes…” he agreed, “it’s unfortunate that we… Well, I hate to think about what you went through.” Then, just to make sure the point was cleared, he quickly said, “But I am so glad it’s all worked out.”

Isn't it?

“Yes, it worked out for me, thankfully,” she answered, putting a lot of emphasis on “for me”, by slowing her voice “But I have to admit that I’d always wanted to believe the Renegades were, well, above capital punishment. To end someone’s life, giving them no possible chance for restitution, and to do it without even offering a fair trial, it seems—” she frowned and put her index finger in the space between her nose and her lips “—how do I say this? A little villainous.”

As soon as Hugh heard that, he chuckled.

Because telling her to stop talking back to him and go to her room was not an option, and he didn’t know what else to do.

“To be fair,” he mentioned, “we did believe you were Nightmare, and Nightmare did try to kill me.”

But most importantly, she tried to kill Max. And should probably go for Adrian and Simon next, if they didn’t stop her soon. Something he should be making sure they did, but couldn’t leave the conversation, because Nova still had a lot to say about the matter.

“I’m aware of that,” Nova agreed “but… don’t you think she would at least deserve another chance?”

During the whole conversation, he had tried to stay as impassive as possible, only showing the right amount of emotion on his features for him to be able to get his point across. However, he didn’t do a good job on that specific moment, because Nova’s tone quickly changed.

“Or, maybe not Nightmare, specifically,” she withdrew. “But think about it. I was in that prison—wrongfully, yes—but it still gave me time to think about my life and my choices, and to decide that, if I ever got out of there, I would do things differently. The Renegades have to be willing to look beyond the mistakes of the past and understand that people can change.” Nova shook her head. “And I’m not talking about the execution, either. I know you’ll never forgive Ace Anarchy for what he did, and maybe you’ll never forgive Nightmare, either—”

At least we can agree on that.

And the only reason they could agree on that, was because Hugh was hearing her words as if she were talking to him underwater, and instead of focusing on what she was saying, he could only focus on her gestures, her hands, and, for some reason, her eyes.

But weirdly enough, he only did it when she wasn’t looking in his.

“—But there are dozens of prodigies on that island, some who have been there for more than a decade. And yet—” she raised her finger “—we have no systems in place to see if they really are as dangerous as we think they are. To see if they deserve the punishment they’re receiving. Maybe some of them want to become useful citizens in this world;” she shrugged, “maybe some of them deserve that. But you want to strip their powers from them, without even giving them a chance to explain why they did the things they did or how they’ve changed in the years since. Many of them are still being persecuted for crimes they committed in the Age of Anarchy…” Nova clicked her tongue before asking, “I mean, didn’t you do anything during that time that you’re not proud of?”

Nova asking him something so directly made him realize his jaw had been clenched during the whole conversation with no apparent reason at all. Then, a lot of things he wasn’t proud of doing during the Age of Anarchy started to come to his mind, and he had to stop his brain from doing that, because if the memories kept running, they were going to get to a point of no return, and no one would like what they were going to see.

Because when he first did, something broke inside of him.

No. It didn’t break.

It died.

Something died.

“We did what we had to do to stop the villain gangs, to bring order and peace,” he answered. “We would do it again if we had to.”

He would do it again. Most of it.

Only most of it.

She arched an eyebrow. “Even if that meant doing things that you wouldn’t allow today as part of the Code Authority?”

He clenched his jaw again and pinched his lips, only that this time, he knew exactly why he had done it.

“Maybe some of those prisoners did things that were… justified, in some way,” Nova continued. “Maybe they stole things because there were no jobs back then. Maybe they fought against authority because authority abused and ostracized people like them. Maybe they would choose differently now, if we only gave them a chance.”

Give them another chance. Chances.

Nova seemed to be really interested in chances. But Hugh had learned that the world didn’t always give second chances to people, not even to those who deserve it the most, and the sooner Nova learned that, the less the world would hurt her.

He had to stop her right there before realization hit her in the face.

When his kids were little and did something wrong, he (or Simon) would kneel in front of them and make it clear why their behavior was wrong, so they knew exactly the reason they were being grounded. Now, Nova was not his kid, and especially, she wasn't exactly a kid anymore. But she was still young, and if he could do something to protect her, he would do it.

He couldn’t apply the same technique he applied with Adrian and Max. However, he could definitely show her the right path and hope she knew, it was for her own good.

And, again, she would understand.

She had to understand.

“Nova… I can tell you’re passionate about this,” he started, and clearly noticed how her jaw tensed too, “but… you have to understand that the people in that prison aren’t like you. You were innocent. You shouldn’t have been there in the first place. While they are criminals and villains, practically savages some of them.”

But to his surprise—

Nova didn’t.

“How do you know?” she spatted. “How many of them have you talked to recently? Or for that matter, how many of them ever received a fair trial?”

Hugh sighed and took a look at his surroundings. There were a lot of Renegades around them, pretending to be on their own thing, but clearly listening to the entire conversation for who knows how long.

He couldn't scream at them. Not again.

Nova, on the other hand, was also looking around but didn't appear as angry as Hugh was.

Maybe because she couldn't understand the severity of the conversation they were having.

“What are you suggesting?” he asked her, lowering his voice. Nova returned his attention to him. “That we postpone the Agent N reveal until we can… what, interview them?” then, he added, scoffing, “Or should we devote our resources to gathering evidence from ten years ago, all so we can prove what we already know? They are villains,” Hugh reminded her.

And in response, she reminded him, “I’m not a villain. But that wasn’t going to stop you from executing me.”

Hugh didn't doubt Nova's innocence. At least, not anymore. But, when she said it that way, she sounded so convincing and so sure of her words, that he wondered why he had thought she was Nightmare in the first place.

“And no,” Nova continued, “I’m not suggesting you postpone the reveal for a while, I’m suggesting you postpone it indefinitely.”

He stepped back, feeling shocked by the determination in her voice.

And her audacity.

That audacity.

Simon always said that one shouldn't be quick to judge other people's actions because there was always a reason why they were acting like that. Within those words (and Simon, always Simon) in mind, Hugh thought that there had to be a reason behind her audacity, and it couldn't be the one he was starting to think it was.

Nova didn't flinch at his reaction and continued to talk as confidently as before. “In fact, I think you should destroy Agent N. All of it. Along with any possibility that it could ever be re-created.”

Maybe it was resentment.

Maybe those were her ideas about good and bad.

Maybe it was that she was scared of losing her powers herself.

So he went with that, and recited the exact words he had been thinking about since Genissa Clark had been neutralized, and that he had been saying to each Renegade that expressed that very same concern. “If this is about what happened to Frostbite and her team, it’s important for everyone to know that we are working to ensure the safety of all Renegades—”

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” Nova interrupted him violently. “This isn’t about the patrol units or figuring out how to defend ourselves more efficiently or any of that” she clenched her fist, closed her eyes, and exclaimed, “The world doesn’t revolve around the Renegades!”

Suddenly, a shadow rose and turned into the familiar silhouette of the man who had used the exact same words years before Nova entered into his life.  

Hugh (and the rest of the world) would’ve been able to recognize his face on any occasion. At first, the only thing that made him less afraid of him was the knowledge that, at least, he didn't know how his face looked like, because he always hid it behind a mask and that made him have something to use against him that couldn't be used against Hugh.

Now, he knew how his face looked.

Now they could be… considered equals.

Even if Hugh had promised himself he would never let the power corrupt him the same way it had corrupted him.

He was better than him.

He would always be better than him.

But since no one could be better than him, Ace Anarchy's silhouette looked at him, raised an eyebrow,  and echoed, “The world doesn’t revolve around the Renegades. And the sooner Captain Chromium learns that, the less the world is going to hurt him and his cause.”

She shook her hands a little, but her eyes didn't open, and the shadow didn't disappear. “Isn’t it our responsibility to bridge the gaps between people?” she asked, more calmly than before. “To recognize that we all have to live in this world together? We need to start seeing other prodigies, not as villains, but as—” she blinked twice “—well, other human beings, who maybe aren’t so different from us after all. I want to believe that we can close this divide between us, but… Agent N isn’t the answer.”

Ace out his hands over Nova's shoulders.

“But that’s all the Anarchists have to say about the matter.”

And when their gazes locked, it hit him.

Someone was looking at him through Nova's eyes, and he immediately knew who it was because he recognized the feeling from when he looked at Adrian's and for those seconds he dared to do it, he didn't see his son, but her.

Through her eyes, he could see, for the split of a second, the man who had tried to stop Ace Anarchy even before they knew exactly how to do it. He saw the man who felt as if he had been a coward during all those years for staying by the Anarchist’s side, but in reality, was one of the best ones out of the bunch, because in the end, he had been able to have the courage to do what was right.

And she said that one cannot be brave who has no fear.

He wanted to get close to her. He wanted to kneel, grab her by the shoulders, and take a closer look at her, just to be completely sure he wasn't going crazy, because it for sure sounded crazy and maybe Hugh was indeed a little bit crazy, but he was also desperate enough to do all of those things he was thinking about just to get an answer once and for all.

But Ace's hands were still on her shoulders.

And she seemed so far.

And he feared it would happen again. Like when he saw Adrian's eyes, looking for her, just to realize she wasn't really there.

The Artino girl wasn't there either.

All the Artinos had been killed during that same night and nothing was going to bring them back.

“I know this is coming from a place of good intentions,” he stated. “I don’t expect you to understand the challenges facing our world of the difficult decision we’ve had to make, but I can assure you that none of our decisions have been made lightly.”

None of them.

Not a single one.

“I know that, but—”

“Everything the Council has done these past years has been in service to the people of this world who need our help, for protection and justice. I’m afraid this isn’t up for debate, Nova. Our decision regarding Agent N, and the fate of those villains, has already been decided.” But before Nova McLain could object, he sentenced, “And our decision is final.”

He turned his back on her before she could do it, and pretended he didn't notice she kept following him with her eyes until the elevator doors closed, and he leaned his back against the wall, doing his best not to start hyperventilating.

She didn't turn your back on you.

She didn't fail you.

She died.

She just died.

***

He stayed the rest of the morning inside his office after that, without (luckily) no one entering his office to ask him about anything. Not even Evander did it, and he had this horrible habit of just bursting into their offices to pretend he needed to seriously talk about something to ignore his own responsibilities. Hugh hated when he did that, so when he heard someone knocking on his door, he was ready to yell at Evander to get the hell out of his office, as if he were a seventeen-years-old teenager again, saying, “EVANDER, GET OUT OF MY ROOM!” (only that this time, Evander wouldn’t be able to answer him with “WE SHARE THE ROOM, YOU CAPTAIN CU-”)

But Hugh didn’t have to yell anything, because it wasn’t Evander. It was Tamaya.

And whoever dared to yell at Tamaya could consider themselves a dead man.

“I’m going to get some take out for lunch,” she said, leaning against the door frame, “you want me to bring you something?”

Tamaya was the one who went out to get the others lunch each time they needed because she was able to fly to the coffee shop and get there a lot faster than any of them could. She didn’t seem to have a problem with it, even though she did have a lot of problems with a lot of things, and people taking advantage of her powers were one of them.

Maybe she liked to feel useful. Or maybe something she just needed to get out of there every once in a while.

“No, I’m fine,” he answered her.

“Oh, you brought something to eat then.”

“Of course.”

Tamaya wasn’t convinced by that answer.

“What did you bring?” she asked.

Without hesitation, Hugh opened one of his desk’s drawers. Fortunately, there was a can of soda that he didn’t know how had arrived there, but he was glad it did.

He took it out and showed it to her, pretending to be super proud of himself or something, and Tamaya rolled her eyes. “Well— if you don’t want anything, I won’t bring you anything.”

“That’s literally how things are supposed to work.”

She was about to leave when she remembered something. “Oh, by the way— Kasumi wants us to have lunch together.”

Hugh couldn’t help but growl. “Why?”

“Because she says so,” she answered him. “So take your… soda, and meet us at the dining room in half an hour.”

Hugh just went back to what he was doing and told her he was going to be there. Tamaya didn’t say anything else.

The Council didn’t eat at the cafeteria with the rest of the staff. They had a private dining room on the same floor their offices were. The cleaning staff never went there, because the six of them took turns to mop and sweep, and the main unspoken rule was “If you spill it, you clean it”. It was like when they lived all together in one house and had to work as a team to keep it clean, which Kasumi said was nice and brought her nice memories, but most of the time, Hugh thought it was a pain in the ass, since, obviously, sometimes people didn’t respect the unspoken rule, probably because they knew that someone else would be the one who would clean it anyways.

Just like when they lived together.

Only that, now, that someone was Hugh.

The dining room was mainly used by him and Simon. Sometimes Adrian went there to have lunch with them, but lately, he preferred to do it with his team. It wasn’t very common for the Council to eat together, because each one had their own schedule. He didn’t know why Kasumi suddenly wanted to do it and he thought it was a little bit annoying she didn’t take into consideration that maybe the rest of them had other things to do, but at the same time, couldn’t find a good reason for him to say no.

When the half an hour Tamaya said went by, he walked to the dining room and saw Kasumi for the first time that day.

She didn’t greet him or anything. Evander was with her, chattering about something that he didn’t comprehend, and didn’t want to know about, so he sat down on one of the chairs and completely ignored their conversation until Tamaya appeared uncomfortably sitting down in the chair beside him.

She didn’t bring him anything. Anything at all.

And, well… yes, Hugh had told her he didn’t want anything; but he always told her he didn’t want anything and she brought him something anyway. When one of them forgot their lunch, Tamaya bought them a sandwich or a sushi roll and basically stayed there until they finished the whole thing, and since Hugh was the one who forgot about his basic human needs the most, he had a lot of recent memories of Tamaya watching him eat, like a mother making sure her kid eat all his vegetables (which turned even more accurate when Hugh informed her he didn’t like green peppers and she told him to grow the fuck up and eat the damn thing.)

The next thing he knew, was that everyone was sitting at the table, eating their respective lunch in complete silence. Tamaya had bought a gyro, Kasumi was having a bowl of rice and pasta salad she had brought from home and was drinking a white milky beverage that Evander got for her when he went to the taco stand Oscar Silva and Adrian had told him about.

“You know how many calories are on those things?” Hugh asked Evander.

Evander looked at him and pointed at the soda he was drinking. “Is that all you’re having for lunch?”

He remained silenced for a little. “No…”

Tamaya rolled her eyes and Evander scoffed. “Evander, chips and soda do not count as lunch, eat grapes, grapes are the chips of nature,” he said in a ridiculous voice that intended to sound like Hugh’s (and didn’t). Kasumi snorted and tried to hide it by drinking some of her weird water/milk, but wasn’t able to. “Come on, Kasumi, make the Hugh voice,” Evander told her.

Don’t you dare.

Kasumi didn’t dare.

“Maybe later, Vandy,” she said, with a serious face. “Maybe later.”

“Come on!” he insisted, after taking a sip of his drink (the same he brought Kasumi). “Zoomie, you make a pretty good imitation of Hugh.”

Tamaya nodded. It was true; Kasumi was pretty good at imitating voices. He just wasn’t in the mood to hear them make fun of him.

Luckily, Kasumi wasn’t in the mood for that either. “Evander, I said no.”

Her voice was so severe and chilling, that Evander understood immediately. Tamaya asked him for a napkin, and the whole dining room fell silent again.

And it was also like when they lived together.

It hadn’t always been like that though.

“You know, this is the first time in, like, five years, I don't have any paperwork to fill,” Evander announced.

Literally nobody asked.

“Well, I do have tons of paperwork waiting for me on my desk,” Tamaya said, “I wouldn’t mind sharing it with you.”

“That’s low, dude, I’m telling—” he frowned and looked around “—Wait… where’s Simon?”

And with that simple question, the room’s silence turned into a completely different type of silence.

One that he could not only feel, but also touch. One that made his vision blurry, a lump in his throat, and his eyes water. One that it was more like a fog than silence.

One that he could tell came from an imaginary fire that was so dangerous, he always shared a look with someone to make sure they were also aware of the situation they were in.

Only that this time, he didn’t share a look with anyone.

Tamaya and Kasumi did though.

And then, they turned to see Hugh.

But he didn’t turn to see them back.

“He wasn’t feeling well,” Kasumi said. “So… he stayed home.”

Evander arched his eyebrows. “Huh. Again?—” he turned to see Hugh “—Does he have a cold?”

“Evander—” Tamaya said.

“What? Dude, I’m literally just asking.”

“Well, don’t ask,” Hugh blurted out. “It’s not of your business.”

“But—”

“Not of your business,” then, he echoed, mockingly, “Dude.”

It’s not of anyone’s business.

He pretended he finished his soda and threw it in the can that was beside the water cooler close to the door. Even though the rest of them had just started eating, he saw no point in staying there longer than he already had. He had done enough by just being there for a while.

And he had other things to do.

Hugh excused himself and stood up. Neither Kasumi nor Tamaya said anything to him and just kept eating their lunches, probably because they already knew there was nothing that could be said.

But Evander didn’t know that.

So, before Hugh walked through the door, he said loud and clear:

“Someone didn’t get it last night.”

Kasumi got all pale and Tamaya started choking with her gyro. When they were able to recover from the initial shock, they cast an expecting and preoccupied glance at Hugh, waiting for his reaction for what felt like hours, and not seconds.

It took him a lot of time to process those words. He considered himself someone who reacted pretty quickly to everything, but the words Evander said to him were like freezing water, or a blow to the face, or…

Those things that would never be able to hurt him, but for some reason, if they were cold or powerful enough, would disorient him for a couple of seconds, before he would be able to get back up again and do something about it.

So at that moment, the only way he could react was asking him:

“What did you say to me?”

Evander raised an eyebrow and smirked. “I said you didn’t get it. You know”

But everyone pretended to not know what he was talking about.

Seeing they didn't react the way he expected them to, he frowned and clicked his tongue. “You didn’t tap that ass. You didn’t do the PP. He didn’t rub your silver spe—”

Kasumi got all red. “Evander—”

“I’m explaining it to him, I’m explaining it to him,” he told her as if trying to calm her down. “Let me finish the last one, I’ve been wanting to say that joke for months.”

Tamaya left her gyro on the plate and massaged her temple. “Evander, seriously, shut the fu—”

“Wait, no, I got this—” he chuckled, put his elbows on the table, closed his eyes “—Your hubby didn’t make love to you last night?” And then, after opening his eyes again, he added, “Darling.”

And with that, Hugh lost his head.

He went there.

He really went there, and the worst part was, he probably didn't even realize that.

He closed the door violently and screamed, “THAT'S IT.”

He threw himself at Evander before he could process what was happening. But Tamaya and Kasumi were a lot faster than him, and swiftly got in between the two of them, Tamaya grabbing Hugh by the shoulders and pulling him back, and Kasumi pushing Evander out of his way.

“BRO, WHAT THE—”

“I SAID IT’S NOT OF YOUR BUSINESS,” he yelled. “IT’S NOT OF ANYONE’S BUSINESS”

Tamaya and Kasumi finally managed to put them behind each of them, creating a weird barrier between the two. And even if they were almost as tall as the two of them were, they still weren't tall enough to completely block each other from the other's view. Hugh could perfectly see Evander paralyzed by his reaction, almost tripping with his own feet because of how much Kasumi kept pushing him and having to hold all of his weight on a chair to not fall backward.

But that still wasn't enough to stop him from shitting on him.

“WHAT’S YOUR DAMAGE!? DID YOU FALL OFF THE BED!? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.”

“Evander, lower your voice,” Kasumi urged him, “people will hear you.”

“Tell him to lower his voice!” he answered pointing at Hugh with the palm of his hand. “He started it! HE’S THE ONE WHO'S ACTING LIKE A FUCKING LUNATIC!”

Kasumi didn't agree with him directly. Instead, she turned around, looked at him from head to toe, slightly closing her eyes and pressing her lips, and before she even opened her mouth, he already knew he didn't want to listen to anything she had to say.

She hadn't listened to him first.

But now she was going to.

Everyone there was going to hear him.

“Hugh, I think—”

“Why did you tell him?” he asked.

Evander frowned even more. “Huh? Tell me what?”

But Kasumi barely moved.

“Why did you have to run to Evander and tell him about my personal life?” he kept asking her. “No, the real question is,” he scoffed, “why do you feel the necessity to get in my personal life, Kasumi?!”

Now it was Evander the one who carefully pushed Kasumi aside and put her behind him, but before he could scream at him or punch him in the face, knowing perfectly well that wouldn't do anything, Tamaya put his whole arm in front of him, giving him a deathly look, and Kasumi slightly touched his shoulder, completely poker-faced.

And for some reason that made him even angrier.

She had no right to act like she was the sane one in the situation.

“It’s not only your personal life,” she explained to him in a calm voice. “It’s also Simon’s. And I’m not getting into your personal life, he was the one who told us what was going on.”

“Us,” he echoed.

Tamaya let her arms down to her sides. “Yeah. Us. He told us everything.”

Evander didn't take her distraction as an opportunity to punch Hugh. “Everything?” he asked instead.

“Everything,” Hugh repeated.

But he wasn't answering Evander's question.

“Yeah, that’s great,” he said, faking a smile. “That’s fucking great. He went with you and talked shit about me behind my back.” The words were coming out of his mouth before he could question them, “What a great fucking husband he—”

“Do not finish that sentence,” Kasumi ordered him, giving a step forward. “He wasn’t talking shit about you, he was worried. Simon was worried sick about you. He is worried sick about you.”

“Why— why is he worried about him?”

Everyone ignored him one more time.

Hugh crossed his arms. “Well, he doesn’t seem like it.”

Tamaya massaged her temple one more time and sighed. “Maybe if you—”

“Maybe if I do what?” he interrupted. “Should I make the first move? I already tried it, and it didn’t work.” He tried to scoff one more time, but what came out of him sounded more like a growl. “You should know; Simon must have told you.”

“When—”

“Yes, he did,” Kasumi answered, shameless. She crossed her arms too and frowned. “That wasn’t right, Hugh.”

What do you know?

You weren’t there.

No one was there.

“No, everything was going fine.” He clenched his fists. “Look, I don’t know what Simon made you think, but we were fine.”

“Not kissing your husband for weeks and then trying to do it just to avoid talking with him about the issue doesn’t sound fine to me.”

Evander gasped. “Wait, you actually haven’t been getting it—”

Hugh laughed out loud, and even he could notice he sounded like an absolute maniac. “You too? You too are going to pull that card on me?” he questioned her. “I do kiss him, and I do hug him, and we do have sex, and I shouldn’t be telling you any of these things, because these are private details of my life you shouldn’t know about! My private life is completely okay.”

Tamaya took him by surprise.

“But are you okay?”

Her voice sounded so soft, so calm, and so genuinely concerned, that he didn’t dare to lie to her, or to even look at her when he answered:

“Again. Not of your business.”

After that, Tamaya was herself again. “Hugh, listen—”

And Hugh managed to get the courage to lift his face. “No, you lis—”

The entire room went dark before Hugh could finish talking. A pair of blinding white lights started shining right in front of him, and, even with his eyes slightly closed, he could tell they were coming out of Evander’s fists.

The spotlight wasn’t on him at that moment. So he decided to steal it.

Classic Blacklight.

Classic Evander Wade throwing a fucking fit when the world dared not to revolve around him for a minute.

After making sure he had grabbed everyone's attention, he opened his hands again and the tiny balls of lights returned to their light bulbs. But his face was still clouded by a strange darkness that even made Kasumi flinch and move backward towards Tamaya.

“What the hell is going on?” he asked, clenching his teeth and glaring at the three of them. “What the hell are you even talking about?—” and then, he turned to see him “—Why does everyone seem to know what the fucking problem is except me!?”

“…and she left me here!

ME!”

Him.

It was always him.

It hadn’t been enough for Evander that their lives practically had to revolve around him during all his childhood and teenage years. He now wanted them to stop their discussion and tell him what was going on as if they couldn’t have their own problems without him feeling he was entitled to know every single detail about it.

And hadn’t that been how that whole fight had started in the first place?

He hadn’t been able to control Tamaya and Kasumi finding out about what was going on because Simon had told him. But Hugh wasn’t Simon, and he was sure as hell he didn’t feel comfortable at all sharing that part of his life with him.

He wouldn’t understand. He would pretend he did for a couple of minutes, and then would use it against him on the first opportunity he had that would benefit him one way or another.

He knew Evander. He knew he was capable of that, and more.

“I think you should leave,” he told him.

His expression hardened. “I think you should answer my question.”

“I told you to leave!”

Hugh raised his arm to point at the door—

And Evander grabbed him by the wrist.

Kasumi’s eyes widened and Tamaya’s face contorted while her wings bristled, alerting her of the danger.

Hugh knew Evander was taller than him. At first, all of them made a lot of jokes about how it was Hugh’s worst fear and that he wasn’t allowed to stand beside him at any moment so nobody noticed it. But every one of those comments stayed like that.

Jokes.

Not only because, well, they were. But also because, inside his head, Hugh always saw Evander as shorter than him, probably because he had gotten used to the idea of things being that way, and he wasn’t in the mood for other detail of his life changing again, it didn’t matter how small it may seem.

Yet, now he couldn’t keep pretending he didn’t see what was right in front of him.

He could tell his hands were getting warmer and warmer, to a point that if he had normal skin and his suit wasn’t covering his arm, he would start to feel as if they were burning him, and Evander didn’t appear to have any intentions of letting him go.

As if he wanted to burn him to death.

He kept staring at each other, with a vein popping out of his neck. The corners of his lips curved up, but before it could turn into a grin, it disappeared, and instead of laughing, he ordered, “Don’t you talk to me like that.”

“Me.

She left me here, guys.

She left.”

“Evander, that’s enough,” Tamaya said, with a calm, but terrifying tone. “Let him go.”

But Evander only grasped him tighter.

Her fingers shone with the electricity they carried. “Let. Him. Go.”

He glanced at Tamaya, then at Kasumi, and finally, he returned his attention to Hugh, waiting.

Waiting for him to say it.

“She left.”

“Let me go.”

Evander pressed his lips together and lost his grip until his arm fell, and he sat down again.

“And for the record—” Kasumi’s voice said, “—Don’t talk to any of us like that.”

Hugh turned his back at them and took off one of his gloves as fast and discreetly as he could. He heard Kasumi asking something to Evander but she said it in such a low voice that the only thing he could actually listen was Evander’s childhood nickname, which Kasumi always used and Hugh didn’t because it felt so personal to both of them he didn’t dare to interfere with that.

His hands were dry. And he forced his eyes to stay that way too because he could sense them getting wet at the thought of Evander really believing Hugh was going to hit him.

He heard Tamaya’s footsteps getting closer to him, and he rapidly put his glove back on and turned to see them again, scoffing. “So, that’s what today is about? You collectively decided all you were going to do was contradict me?”

Tamaya stepped back the steps she took and scoffed too. “Sounds familiar?” she asked. Hugh couldn’t ask her at first what she was talking about. “You can’t ask us to blindly follow you b and get mad when we decide not to do it. Especially when the things you’re doing are—” she looked for the right words “—not right.”

Kasumi straightened her back and nodded, agreeing with Tamaya. Evander tilted his head to one side while raising one eyebrow, and Hugh fought the impulse of doing it too.

“What?” he asked instead. “Tamaya, what are—”

“I’m talking about the fucking execution of Nova McLain,” she blurred out. “That’s what I’m talking about.”

Evander growled and put his feet on the table, leaning in the chair he was sat on. He was so confused by Tamaya’s reaction he didn’t even bother to take the time to tell Evander to sit like an adult for once in his life.

“What does that have anything to do with what we’re discussing right now?” he exclaimed.

“It has everything to do with what we’re discussing right now!” she answered. “You, and you—” she pointed at Evander, and Evander pointed at himself, confused “—decided that, since you were too afraid of a spoiled girl ‘ruining’—” she made quotes in the air “—our reputation we were going to let her kill, in front the entire city, a child. A child, guys! A child who probably had parents who worried about her, just like you, Hugh, worry about your kids, or you, Evander, will worry about yours when they are born. Would you like them to be publicly executed without a proper trial just because the adults that were supposed to protect them, acted as the children in the situation?”

But before Hugh could tell her his kids would never act like Nightmare, more than comfortable with the idea of pretending as if the whole Max and Adrian situation hadn't happened, he heard it again.

But this time it was not a quiet chuckle.

This time, Evander was shamelessly chucking so loud, it almost sounded like a burst of laughter.

Tamaya was talking about Nova McLain’s situation and Evander was chuckling.

“Child?” he asked, trying to contain his laughs. “Nightmare is not a child. Children do not do the things she did. Children don’t try to overthrow—” he turned his hands into fists and glanced up to the ceiling for a couple of seconds, and then added, to no one in particular “—Children do not try to kill other children. She wouldn’t have tried to kill Max, or Adrian, or his team if she were truly a child because she would see herself in them. That’s just how things work.”

Inside his head, maybe.

But Evander had a lot of things inside his head and most of them were so twisted Hugh couldn’t tell what he truly believed and what he did not.

“Genissa Clark is nineteen,” Tamaya reminded him. “And Nightmare, as far as we know, it’s sixteen. They’re still children.”

Evander rolled his eyes, smirking for a microsecond. “Age doesn’t matter. What matters is this—” he tapped his temple “—the head.”

Out twisted and merciless heads.

“If they act like adults, they deserve to be treated as adults.”

“No,” Kasumi said, playing with her fingers. “No, they don’t deserve that. They don’t deserve anything that happened to them. Children…” she raised her head “children are never to blame.”

But, instead of looking back at her, Evander rolled his eyes once more and crossed his arms.

Like the child he still was even if he always acted he was not.

“They may not be kids anymore, but, stars, you’re acting like one,” Hugh quipped.

He immediately put his feet on the floor and his jaw clenched. “I’m no longer nine years old, Hugh.”

Yes.

Yes, you are.

You’ve done nothing to prove me wrong.

Hugh didn’t have the opportunity to say anything though, because Kasumi put herself between Hugh and Evander once again, with her hands in her hips, and clearly said, “I wasn’t going to attend the execution.”

He froze. “You what?”

“Neither was I,” seconded Tamaya.

Hugh gazed at them, without being able to recognize their faces behind that proud expression they had all over them. “Why the fuck not?”

Kasumi scowled and rubbed the fingers of her right hand as if she wanted to snap them but didn’t, closing her eyes and keeping her head low. Tamaya instantly noticed that, and after throwing a quick attentive glance at her, her eyes bared into him.

“Because it was a monstrous and villainous thing to do,” she answered, barely opening her lips. “And the Renegades are not that.” She put her hand on her chest. “I’m not a villain, and I’m sure as hell I’m not a monster either. And I’ve spent too much time hating myself to let you or anyone allow those toxic thoughts to win.”

He looked over Tamaya’s shoulder to have a clearer vision of Kasumi. “And you? You agree with this?”

“Leave her her alo—”

“Yes, I agree,” Kasumi answered, without opening her eyes.

That was enough for him.

“So— are you insinuating I am a monster and a villain?” and he put his hand on his chest, the same way Tamaya had just done.

Kasumi stopped rubbing her fingers and saw him out of the corner of her eye.

“Take it as you want to take it,” Tamaya declared, crossing her arms. “I’m not surprised you’re trying to make it about yourself.”

“You know what? Yes!” he barked. “This is about me! I’m the one who's getting totally dragged right now, I’m the one you're criticizing, and I’m the one who’s getting attacked by all of you!” and he pointed at the three of them. “So yeah, this is about me, Tamaya, not about you!”

As soon as he said it, he knew what was coming next. He knew what Tamaya was going to do. She was going to spread her wings, close her fists, and get a lighting bolt for her to throw at him. Then, she would get so close to him, he would see the anger glowing in her eyes, and she would proceed to yell at Hugh for five minutes nonstop, and when Kasumi or Evander was able to make her keep quiet for an instant, he would start yelling back at her, and they would get trapped in an endless cycle, where neither of them knew when to shut their mouths and give up.

And he knew it because there had been times where the only thing the two of them did was fight, and yell, and try to silence the other by making sure one’s screams were louder than the other’s.

However, Tamaya didn’t do any of that.

Tamaya’s mouth fell open and was unable to say a single word while she stepped back, and leaned against the table because she wasn’t able to sit in a chair without feeling extremely uncomfortable.

Her silence was worse than her screaming.

He needed to fill the silence in one way or another.

“Why won’t you listen to me anymore?” he asked the rest. “Why don't you respect me, or my privacy, or my decisions? Do you think it’s easy? Do you think it’s easy to have this weight on my shoulders?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “No, it’s not. But I man up, I shut my mouth, and do it, you know why? Because we stopped playing superheroes a long time ago, and now we’re governors, and I don’t want us to fail, which is something the Anarchists would love to see—” he extended his arms, like pointing at the rest of the world, when in reality, he was just pointing at the small room that seemed even smaller than before “—Tell me, do you want us to fail?”

This time, he did want an answer. He did give them the time to respond, but they didn’t take it. Tamaya stayed in complete silence, Kasumi started rubbing her fingers again, and Evander just turned redder and redder with each word he said.

“Do you want us to fail?!” he insisted. “DO YOU?!”

Still, no answers.

“You don’t, do you?! YOU DON’T!”

Silence.

Silence and Kasumi covering her ear with her fists.

“YOU DON’T! So—” he pointed at Evander, “—man up—” at Tamaya, “shut your mouth—” at Kasumi, “and listen to me!” And finally, at himself. “Because I am your leader! I AM YOUR CAPTAIN! AND YOU’LL DO AS I SAY!”

His yelling immediately was cut short by the sound of the tap of the water turning on savagely and the screeching sound of Kasumi asking:

“WELL, WHO MADE YOU CAPTAIN?!”

The water in the room started to go crazy. Not only the taps had opened, but also her drink was spilled all over the floor, small drops started to float around them, and the water inside the cooler became a strange swirl, that with each passing second just turned faster and faster.

And Kasumi was crying.

Or something like that.

It was water. They seemed like tears, but they were actually water that was coming out of her eyes, without any emotions in them. Her face, which at this point was soaked, didn’t change at all, as if it had changed if she were really crying.

Still, Hugh felt it like a slap across his face.

Evander was the first one to react. “Kasumi—”

“WHO MADE YOU OUR LEADER?!” she rasped. “WHO, HUGH?” and she grabbed him by the shoulders “WHO?”

The floor started to flood. Tamaya got on the table and moved her eyes from one side of the room to the other, trying to process what was going on in front of her, while Evander stood up in the chair he was sitting on. “Kasumi Hasegawa—”

“IT WAS US!” she answered, letting go of him and stepping back. “IT WAS US AND WE CAN TAKE YOU OFF THAT POSITION AS EASY AS WE PUT YOU THERE! SO CUT. THE. CRAP!”

“Zoomie!”

The cooler felt down on its side. If Tamaya hadn’t moved slightly to the left, it would have hit one of her wings. The sound of the heavy metallic object crashing against the floor was enough to make everyone in the room go quiet, and their eyes fixated on the water that was coming out of it.

Like blood in an open wound.

He was the last one to come back to reality, after the water started to disappear right in front of his eyes, and realized Kasumi was manipulating it to form a small wave that she dropped in the sink.

She closed the taps and sighed.

“You’re… you’re not acting like a leader right now,” she mumbled, leaning against the sink without looking at him. “You’re… you’re acting like… like—”

“Like what?” he asked.

As if he wanted to hear the answer to it.

“I don’t know— You’re just…” Kasumi turned around and the water running down her face was actual tears this time. There was no sadness clouding her features that was able to hide that fact. “You’re just not my friend.”

She looked at her own feet while walking towards her the things that remained on the floor. Tamaya grabbed the plastic cup of water she had been drinking from, and even though she took it (because Kasumi liked to reuse those things) she didn’t say thank you or acknowledge her gesture, and instead, kept talking to Hugh.

“We’re not your sidekicks. We’re not even your coworkers or your employees. We are your family. We are all a family. But somehow— you forgot it.”

She grabbed her small fabric bag and started to put all her things in there, with the rest of them quietly watching her, without daring to get close.

“I’m going to ask the three of you, but especially you, Hugh, to leave me alone.”

Before Kasumi left the room, Evander got down from the chair and rushed to her. She stopped in her tracks and pressed her bag against her chest. A small tear started to come out of the corner of her eye and her lower lip trembled. He extended his hand to wipe away her tears, and Hugh suddenly felt the urge to look away.

Until Kasumi stepped back, rubbed her eyes with one hand, and mumbled: “I said the three of you. Please, respect my decision, Evander.”

Kasumi walked out of the room, without closing the door behind her. Evander followed her, but stopped right under the door frame, grabbing to it. He glanced at Tamaya, and she, almost imperceptibly, shook her head saying no to something he was silently asking her.

His eyes didn’t well up. Instead, after a blink, they turned to see Hugh, burning and glimmering an emotion he could not describe as something else but hate.

His eyes were burning and glimmering with hate.

And his words too.

“This is all your fault.”

He walked in the opposite direction Kasumi went.

I know.

This is all my fault.

“Kasumi was right, you know?”

Tamaya was the only one remaining.

“You have acted like the biggest idiot that has ever existed,” she continued. “I don’t know how you’re going to fix this and I don’t know how you’re going to fix yourself.” Her expression dulled and she slightly bent down to try to look him in the eye. “But we are your family. And you are ours.”

Hugh ignored her attempts to make eye contact and felt his hands getting moist and hot under his gloves.

But he couldn’t decide if tell her or not, because Tamaya sighed, grabbed the rest of her lunch, and without turning to see him, sentenced:

“Talk to us when you start acting like it.”

And just like that, Hugh was left alone in an empty room, again.

***

Everything had started two months ago.

It wasn’t like there weren’t somedays where they didn’t have sex. After all, they were part of the Renegades Council. The days were long, and there were occasions when they just arrived at the house and went directly to bed, without eating dinner or anything.

Despite that, they had managed to keep a certain schedule. And if he wanted to be completely honest, those days when he could have a little time alone with Simon were the best.

Until they weren’t.

“What’s going on?” Simon asked suddenly.

“Huh?”

“What’s going on?” Simon asked again.

He wasn’t mad at all. He was genuinely concerned.

It was… adorable. So Simon.

“Everything all right?”

Hugh knew something was wrong. But he felt a little bit embarrassed about backing down with something he had started.

Which was… weird.

Because nothing was embarrassing with Simon.

“Hugh—”

“I think I’m no longer in the mood to keep going,” he blurred out.

Simon’s eyes widened. He licked his lips, like he did every time he was analyzing a situation, and smirked. “You aren’t in the mood? You? You, Hugh Everhart, aren't in the mood for sex?”

Hugh couldn’t laugh at the stupid face he had made. “No.”

Luckily, Simon noticed that. “Oh. All right. Well, don’t worry, love. It’s okay.”

“I’m so—”

“No, don’t be sorry,” he interrupted him, using the same tone Hugh used all the time when they were younger to tell Simon not to be sorry. “There’s no need to apologize.” He ran his hand through his hair and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. “I’m just— going to the bathroom—” he grabbed the pile of clothes he had left on the nightstand “—I won’t take long.”

Hugh couldn’t tell if he took long or not. He just put on his clothes again too and got under the covers. He didn’t even turn around when Simon asked him, “Do you wanna be the little spoon tonight?”

He was never the little spoon. But he accepted anyway.

There were a lot of other nights that ended up that way. Nights that Hugh started something just to follow the schedule, things that they never finished because Simon always noticed something was wrong and said they should stop. Then, he kissed him, told him there was nothing to be sorry about, went to the bathroom to change, and went back to be the big spoon.

Until one day, Hugh fell asleep in a position that didn’t allow Simon to cuddle with him. Or at least he pretended to fall asleep to avoid any questions as if why he didn’t want to cuddle that night.

He couldn’t avoid any questions the next morning though.

When he went downstairs to have breakfast, Simon was waiting for him in the kitchen.

“Glad you’re here so early,” Simon said. “We need to talk.”

It was Saturday. Simon was wearing his cotton rob and had prepared an avocado toast and a cup of coffee.

Just the mere fact of him drinking coffee, plus the “We need to talk” phrase, was a bad sign. Not only because Simon got really anxious when he didn’t control how much coffee he drank, but also because the last time he had told him they needed to talk, was when he found some not very family-friendly videos on the family’s computer and thought that it would be better if he asked Hugh if they were his first because he didn’t want to accidentally introduce Adrian to that kind of… audiovisuals.

Stars…

That day had been one of the worst days of his life. And Hugh had fought a civil war. The bar for “bad days” was pretty high, but Adrian still managed to go higher than that.

“What did he do now?”

“Oh, God, no— Adrian’s clean. He’s still sleeping, actually,” Simon responded, completely aware of what Hugh was talking about. “But that’s why I want to talk to you before he comes.”

Hugh felt a little bit less tense. A little bit.

He took the coffee pot and started pouring it on the first cup he found. “What do you wanna talk about?”

Simon drummed the fingers of his right hand on the bar and scratched his beard with his left hand, staring at his unfinished breakfast. “Love… are you having problems?”

“Problems?” he scoffed. “What kind of problems?”

“Oh, you know… problems… down there.”

He lost focus and he poured the coffee on his hand. “Shit—”

“Look, it’s just that I think it’s kind… strange what has been going on these last days,” Simon said without noticing the whole coffee situation. “We— we had a schedule, and now we don’t, and I’m not mad at all, I just want to know if there’s something more to it.”

Hugh left the coffee pot where it belonged and Simon kept talking.

“You should— we should go to see a doctor,” he whispered. “I know you have never had an appointment with a doctor before, but we could… I don’t know, ask around, until you find one that makes you feel comfortable.”

And he would have probably kept talking if he hadn’t interrupted.

“It’s more common than you may think, you know,” he assured him. “And there’s nothing wrong with it. Everyone once in a while has— you know, some kind difficulties, or it hurts, or—”

“No.”

Simon suddenly went silent. “No what?”

“Nothing hurts,” he answered. “I literally cannot feel pain, remember?”

“Oh, no, I mean, of course I remember,” Simon mumbled. “It was— it was just an expression.”

Hugh frowned. “I’ve never heard that expression before.”

Neither of them said anything for an uncomfortable amount of time, while Hugh stirred his coffee with a plastic spoon and Simon pretended he was really focused on his breakfast.

“You didn’t answer my question though,” he said after a while. “Are you having any kind of problems?”

Hugh gave him the same answer. “No.”

“All right. I believe you. And I trust you. You know I’ll always trust you, don’t you?”

When Simon said he trusted him, Hugh usually responded to him saying he trusted him back. But this time, he said, “As you should.”

At that moment, Adrian walked into the dining room, letting them know their conversation had come to an end.

Hurting.

What a strange word.

He couldn’t comprehend it. And he’d never liked things that he couldn’t comprehend.

Nevertheless, even if he had lived his whole life hating things he couldn’t comprehend, now he didn’t understand why he felt so attacked by the way Simon formulated his question. The rational part of him knew he had no intention of making him angry, but his emotional side got angry at him anyway. He got so angry, he dedicated the rest of the day to ignore him.

And things didn’t change after that conversation. They just got worse.

So much worse.

Hugh didn’t even bother anymore to make the first move. He slept turning his back on Simon, so he could make clear he didn’t want to be touched at that moment. But sometimes, Simon didn’t understand (or pretended he didn’t understand) his signals, and asked him in a thousand different ways if that was going to be the night everything was going back to normal.

“How are you feeling, love? Are you better now?”

“How about we try something new today?”

“Hugh, are you awake?”

“Hugh, love, please… answer me”

But Hugh never answered him. Not with anything else but “Fine”, “Other day”, “No”, or just silence. Because sometimes silence counted as an answer.

And sometimes it was the loudest of sounds.

He was already ready for bed. He had brushed his teeth, had put on his pajamas, and had gone downstairs to make sure Adrian was still breathing, being especially careful not to wake him up.

Fifteen minutes had passed since that, and he was still standing up next to the bed, without feeling like getting in yet.

Then, he realized they hadn’t made the bed since the day of the fight. The coverlet was almost touching the ground and the pillows were everywhere except where they were supposed to be. He felt a strange energy going through his body, that ordered him to get closer and start making the bed.

No one liked to sleep on an unmade bed anyways.

However, the moment he started doing that, he made the mistake of graving Simon’s pillow. And Simon’s pillow made the mistake of smelling just like him, and the smell of mint, fabric softener, hit and the citrus body lotion he used was so intense, it made him feel, even if it was for a couple of seconds as if Simon were there.

That feeling lasted, at least, five seconds. And when he tried to smile, he started crying.

Because that pillow wasn’t Simon. Because Simon was not there.

Because Simon had left. He really left.

Without letting go of the pillow, he sat on the cold and hard floor. His elbows accidentally hit the nightstand he had next to his side of the bed, making the lamp and the couple of glasses he never returned to the kitchen tremble a little, but he wouldn’t have cared less if they fell to the floor and broken.

It wasn’t like they could cut him or anything.

He smelled the pillow one more time, and it was more than enough to make Simon’s ghost appear a couple of feet away from him, with empty eyes and a serious face, asking the same questions over and over again.

Why don’t you ever touch me anymore?

Why am I always invisible to you, even when I’m not?

Why are you so fucking cold all the time?

Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?!

“Because I don't even know what is wrong with me,” he finally answered.

Simon’s ghost didn’t ask what he meant. After all, even if he did and Hugh answered him, he wouldn’t have understood.

In fact, he knew Simon hoped he never would.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t attracted to Simon anymore. No, it was not that. For him, Simon was the most perfect man he had ever seen in his whole life. He loved his voice, soft like velvet. He loved his hands touching his skin. He loved his eyes that looked at him with adoration, and he loved his body, toned and covered in body hair, that used to make Simon feel self-conscious, but that Hugh had always found really appealing and he made sure to remind him that in every opportunity he had.

Simon had not a single flaw because he was perfect for him.

But when the darkness filled the room and he stretched out his hand to touch him…

It was like something fell upon him. Something so heavy and so big, he couldn’t get rid of it, not even using his powers at their maximum capacities. It didn’t let him move, it didn’t let him speak, and the only thing he could do was to soldier on, praying to a God he wasn’t sure it existed, asking him to please take that weight off him when the sun came out because if he didn’t do it, Hugh would have been capable of staying there for the rest of his days.

Completely still. Without any strength to move his head or change into a more comfortable position. Letting his body get all dusty as if he were part of one of those sets of furniture that they kept in the guest’s rooms that were never used because no one visited them, other than the rest of the Council.

Now, he didn’t know if it was God the one that took that weight off him, but he did know that as soon as the sun started to come out, the weight became lighter and lighter until it finally disappeared and Hugh was able to move again. He dusted off his whole body, prepared to go to the Headquarters, and put on his best face to convince others (and himself) that he wasn’t tired at all.

It had been a long time since the last time Hugh was able to sleep comfortably. He would say it was something that affected him even before his whole… situation with Simon. It had been going on for years. Adrian was still a kid when it all started.

“You should pop some pills or something,” Evander told Hugh when he dared to look a little bit more tired than normal. “You know— to help you sleep.” He clicked his tongue. “After the Day of Triumph, I began to take some sleeping pills, and they helped me a lot.” But before Hugh could ask him why he needed to take sleeping pills, Evander grabbed the folder where the documents he had asked him for and walked to the door, not without patting him on the shoulder first. “Maybe they can help you too.”

There was no need to say Hugh didn’t listen to him. Not only because Evander’s advice wasn’t always the best advice someone could receive, but also because there was something about taking pills he didn’t like at all.

Besides that, it wasn’t like Hugh could take any pill he wanted. They needed to have a strong effect or he would have to take more than one at a time. And Simon already needed to take pills to help him control his anxiety and went to therapy every two weeks.

He hated to say it, but it was a lot of money. It was not worthy. Simon had it worse than him, he needed those pills and those therapy sessions.

Hugh didn’t.

So, yeah, he didn’t listen to Evander. Neither did he listen to Kasumi when she gave him the same recommendation, and couldn’t contain his laugh when she suggested he should do some yoga. He also got into a big fight with Tamaya when she pointed out something was wrong with him, even though the reason that made her think that was that Hugh had broken one of the cupboard doors and was going around looking for something to eat without noticing at all he had destroyed his perfectly designed kitchen.

As time went by, going to sleep became like playing Russian roulette. He never knew if that night he was going to be able to go to sleep or not, but it wasn't like sleeping made a huge difference because each morning he woke up feeling tired anyway.

Probably, the only difference between sleeping or not, was that when he didn’t, when he stayed up all night, all he could see were ghosts.

During his childhood years, Adrian developed a huge fear of ghosts. Adrian was afraid of so many things Hugh couldn’t name each and every one of them, but he did know ghosts were very high on the list. He woke up in the middle of the night all the time, and the most common excuse he gave for his behavior, was that he was afraid the ghosts of the people who were murdered in that house would suddenly start hunting him.

Hugh didn’t believe in ghosts and he didn’t think Adrian should do it either. But when he started to see his own ghosts, he stopped complaining each time Adrian woke him up, asking him, “Daddy, can I sleep in your bed tonight?”

Of course, he didn’t see the same ghosts Adrian thought he saw. Hugh’s ghosts were completely different.

Sometimes, it was a man, who despite his young age, he appeared to have lived a thousand years. He had deep circles under his blue eyes and the saddest smile it had ever existed. Occasionally, he was accompanied by a woman, with long and dark hair, who carried in her arms a chubby and loud baby that cried each time she felt her mom wasn’t close enough to her. And most of the times, they also brought with them a little girl, that got between the sheets at the same time Adrian did, and that each time he got closer to Hugh to ask him if he could cuddle him until he fell asleep, he felt as if he were hugging the dead body of that tormented soul, asking him why he didn’t arrive on time.

Hugh didn’t like other people’s kids. Especially if those kids liked to meddle in his business.  

So one of those nights, he locked the door. That way, no ghost was going to enter his room.

And neither would Adrian.

That night, he was starting to kind of fall asleep, after spending hours looking at the window, when he heard a couple of small hands trying to open the bedroom’s door. For a second, they stopped, trying to process why it wasn’t opening as it should. Then, they tried again. When they failed a third time, Adrian started bawling.

Simon woke up immediately.

But Hugh wasn't surprised at all.

“Adrian…” he mumbled. “Adrian, hold on, I’m coming!”

He removed the covers so quickly, he punched Hugh on the face, waking him up completely. He tried to open the door the same way Adrian previously did, but the panic he was feeling at that moment didn’t allow him to process why the door wasn’t opening, and just made his anxiety levels go to the roof.

“Hugh… Hugh, the door,” he mumbled. “The door’s— the door’s not opening, help.”

But he didn’t help.

Not because he didn’t want to. He wanted to help him. He wanted to tell him to calm down, and that the door was just locked.

But there was something on the sound of Adrian’s cries and the way Simon called his name that made the weight on his chest start to choke him.

Really choke him.

“Hugh! The door, please.”

“DADDY! DADDY, LET ME IN, DADDY, LET ME IN!”

“Aren’t you listening to me?! Wake up! Wake up and help me, Hugh!”

“LET ME IN, DADDY, PLEASE!”

“Hold on just a second, darling,” Simon squeezed. “Hold on just a second— HUGH, FOR FUCK’S SAKE, COME HERE AND HELP ME!”

“DA— DADDY, PLE— AAAAH!”

First, he heard something getting violently hit. Then, complete silence. And finally, Adrian started crying again.

When Simon turned on the lights, Hugh was able to turn around to see what was happening.

Apparently, Simon had kicked the door down, and Adrian had been fast enough to get away from it before it punched him in the face...

Bit he still got hit on the forehead pretty hard.

“Oh, Adrian, dar—”

“DADDY! POPS HIT ME! HE HIT ME!”

“DARLING, I SWEAR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, FORGIVE ME!”

Hugh rubbed his eyes, annoyed at the sudden change of light in the room. He noticed Adrian was wearing the blue pajamas Kasumi had brought him during his ninth birthday and was holding the Baby Indomitable blanket.

The blanket she had made for him.

Simon kneeled in front of Adrian and grabbed him by the cheeks. “We need to take him to the hospital,” he said. His eyes were all watery and his voice broke. “We need to take him to the hospital,” he repeated with more emphasis. When Hugh didn’t respond, his worried expression turned into one of pure angriness. “Fuck, Hugh, why did you lock the door? WHY DID YOU LOCK THE FUCKING DOOR, HUH? WHY?”

For some reason, the weight that was suffocating him decided that was a good moment to let go of his throat for a second, just for him to give Simon a reason why. And the only thing that came out of his mouth was:

“Adrian is too old to be sleeping with us every night.”

Adrian started bawling again, and Simon realized going to the hospital was going to take too much time, so he took his son in his arms, and went downstairs to call Tamaya’s husband, Owen, the only doctor they truly trusted.

When Simon got out of the room, he didn’t turn off the lights. Hugh got up to do that, but in the end, decided it would be more appropriate to go with his husband and kid, in case they needed anything.

In the kitchen, Simon was holding Adrian with one arm and holding the phone next to his ear with the other. After a long wait, he hung up, ready to start yelling and punching the first thing (or person) he saw.

Luckily, the first one who noticed Hugh was there, was Adrian.

He had a big bump on his forehead.

“Give him to me,” Hugh whispered. Simon (who was dialing the phone one more time) doubted for a second but finally accepted. “How are you feeling?”

“My head hurts,” Adrian whispered.

There it was again. That word.

He sat him on the kitchen bar. “Of course it does, buddy. Do you want some juice?”

Adrian nodded. “Can I have apple juice?” he shyly asked.

Hugh looked for it inside the fridge. “We only have strawberry juice,” he said.

“I like strawberry juice too.”

“Good.”

He took two strawberry juice cartons and gave him one. At that moment, Simon pointed at the phone with a hopeful and scared expression, and said, “Tamaya, I almost ripped Adrian’s head off, I need your husband.”

While a really confused Tamaya asked Simon what the hell did he mean with almost ripping Adrian’s head off, Hugh sat down on one of the stools, right in front of his son. He had his legs crossed and was drinking his juice, moving his head as if he were listening to a happy melody.

“... and accidently hit him with the door,” Simon said to the phone. For his change of tone, Hugh could tell he was talking to Owen too (he knew Tamaya well enough to know she was still listening to everything that was going on after putting the phone on speaker). “No, he didn’t lose consciousness, he just… cried a lot… he’s—um, actually kind of hungry right now. Yeah, he’s… he’s drinking some juice. Um… let’s see— Adrian, darling.” Adrian turned around to see him. “Do you know what day it is?”

“Um… Sunday.”

“Great job—” he returned his attention to the call “—He doesn't seem disoriented either.”

Hugh paid a little bit more attention to the nasty bump Adrian had on his head. He didn’t dare to touch it for fear of hurting him more, but a part of him remembered having seen someone wrapping a bag of frozen peas on an old cloth and putting it on the injured area.

So he did that too. He just changed the bag of frozen peas with the strawberry juice carton.

“Can I drink that one too?” Adrian asked, chuckling slightly.  

Hugh smiled at him. “No, you can’t. Too much sugar.”

And when Adrian laughed again, he remembered where he had learned that piece of medical advice.

And he stopped smiling.

“Ice? Just… just ice?” Simon asked Owen, incredulous. His gaze met Hugh’s. “It seems like… Hugh already did that. Are you sure that’s all he needs? And can he go to sleep? Sure? He’s not gonna— no, but… Tamaya, please, let the doctor speak— ok, there’s no need to talk to me like that, I’m sensitive, all right? When you hit your kid with a door, you'll understand my concern.”

After Owen and Tamaya were able to calm Simon down, he hung up the phone. “Well, Adrian, Owen says you’re fine,” he said a little bit less shaken up than before. “And Tamaya is not invited to next week’s party.” Adrian chuckled again. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Simon carried Adrian all the way to his room. Hugh followed them closely, and stayed at the door, listening to his son asking his dad if they could sleep with him that night.

“You’re not too old to sleep with me anyways,” he assured.

Simon looked at Hugh, but he was so far away, he couldn’t tell what he was trying to communicate with his eyes.

If he was trying to communicate anything at all.

There was nothing Simon could say though; it still didn’t seem right for him to sleep in the same bed as Adrian that night.

After all, he had been the one that locked him out of his room when he needed him the most. Adrian was asking for his dad (or “daddy”, like he called him at that age), and he had not reacted immediately after hearing his first cries.

And to make matters worse, he hadn't bought apple juice, even if he knew it was Adrian’s favorite.

Hugh felt like the worst parent on the planet.

Simon was the one who stayed with Adrian that night. Hugh told him the three of them wouldn’t fit in the same bed anyway. Adrian wasn’t that convinced by that answer, but as soon as Simon kissed the top of his head, he seemed a lot happier than before.

He wasn’t able to sleep that night. Not because it was the first time in forever he slept on a bed all by himself, not at all.

It was actually the opposite.

Because from that moment on, two things happened: first, each time Adrian woke up in the middle of the night and went to their bedroom, Simon grabbed him by the hand and together went back to Adrian’s room, where Simon slept on the same bed as his son, and Adrian cried until he fell asleep. And second, after that night, a new ghost joined in. It was no longer the man with blue eyes, or the mother and her loud baby, nor it was the little girl who made too many questions for her own good.

It was her, whose smile could light up the darkest of rooms. Her, whose laugh he heard everywhere, without actually hearing it. Her, who sometimes made him think was seeing her through their son’s eyes, and her who, when no one else was there for him, hugged him from behind and assured him everything was going to work out at the end of the day because there was no force on the universe that was able to take down Lady Indomitable and Captain Chromium.

But she had been wrong.

Like the night after that mission.

It probably had been an unimportant mission, because Hugh could no longer remember what it was about. He just remembered he had planned it and it had failed. They were not able to get what they wanted and the bad guys won. Also, all the members of the team had gotten hurt in some way or another. For example, Simon was left temporarily deaf on one ear after a big explosion and his right hand had first degree burns. Kasumi had been able to avoid getting burned by using her powers to make a kind of water dome around her, but she still got her knees all scraped when she tried to run and fell, and when he said scraped, he meant really scraped. Tamaya wanted to electrocute one of those guys by herself when they tried to take Evander by grabbing him by the leg in a way she didn’t like at all, and even if she did leave all of them unconscious, both still got deep cuts on their hands and arms.

When they arrived, the house became a hospital, where she was the one and the only doctor, because she didn’t get hurt that much and was able to move around without bleeding to death or something.

Hugh also helped her take care of everyone’s injuries (and to calm down Simon when he started panicking about the whole “I CANNOT LIVE MY LIFE ONLY HEARING WITH ONE EAR” thing.) But he wasn’t as good as a doctor as she was, even if he was the designated nurse when one of them got sick of something that may be contagious. That’s why he limited himself to passing her the bandages, towels, and anything she needed, without complaining or giving his unsolicited advice like he constantly did with everyone except her.

After they were finished attending everyone, they decided to go to sleep. Hugh didn’t feel like sleeping that night though, so he went to the roof, thinking he was probably going to stay there until the morning came, to be able to get in bed again and pretend like he had been there the whole night.

However, someone did notice he was gone.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

She was flying a couple of inches above the ground and was wearing her pajamas and a little blanket as a cape, to cover herself from the cold wind.

With one hand, she was holding a bag of frozen peas wrapped in an old rag and put it on the small bump she had got when she got hit during that night’s mission.

Hugh just nodded, and she sat beside him, sighing.

They stayed in complete silence, and when he was about to ask her if he could help her with anything, she asked him:

“Where does it hurt, Hugh?”

“What?”

“Where does it hurt?” she asked again.

“No, I heard you the first time,” he answered. “It’s just—”

Just what?

But Georgie didn’t ask him that.

“I know it may not… physically hurt,” she explained herself after realizing he was not going to finish that sentence, leaving the bag of frozen peas on her lap. “But I also know there are a lot of ways someone can be hurting, and those wounds that are on the inside, are as important as the wounds we can see on the outside—” she grabbed his hand, and gently took him by the cheek to make sure he saw her in the eyes.

He would recognize those eyes everywhere.

“Why does it matter?” he asked her softly.

“Because… you’re very strong, Hugh,” she answered caressing his cheek. “Very, very strong. But maybe, if you tell me exactly what’s going on inside your head, we can find a way to cure your pain together. Because we’re in this together. You don’t have to do it alone. Not again. Not ever again.”

She closed her eyes, and he pressed his forehead against hers, looking at their hands, holding each other like their life depended on it.

“So tell me… where does it hurt?”

He didn’t answer the question; but he remembered it was the first time in forever he cried in front of someone who wasn’t Simon. He wasn’t even sure why he was crying and his memories about that moment were blurry as if it had been a dream. What he did remember very vividly was that she didn’t judge him at all or made him like his feelings didn’t matter. On the contrary, she stayed there as long as he needed, crying with him, until he was able to calm down again, and asked her if she wanted to go back inside. She didn’t think twice and accepted. After returning the frozen peas to the freezer, they pushed together the two couches they had in the living room, covered themselves with the small blanket she had brought with her and cuddled until they fell asleep.

From that moment on, it became more common for them to cuddle together. She was always cuddling with everyone, even with Tamaya and Simon, who were the ones with more difficulties accepting physical affection from others. But not even them could refuse her hugs, and her kisses, and her not so uncommon tickles, which Evander and Kasumi loved. Hugh couldn’t help but notice though, he was the one she hugged, kissed and tickled the most, even after she had Adrian and had to share her love with one person more, that probably needed it more than him.

And he loved to be her favorite.

Well— her second favorite. Adrian went first.

He just wished he had hugged her, kissed her, and tickled her more. She was always the one who looked for him, but he rarely looked for her to show her physical affection.

Hugh didn’t look for her at all. Not even when she disappeared.

He didn’t even know why.

He didn’t know anything.

But he did know that she had been wrong when she told him he was strong.

If he were truly strong, he would have protected her, like he had promised her he would do thousands and thousands of times.

If he were truly strong, he would have been the one that was there when the Artinos needed the Renegades, and he would have stopped the hitman Ace Anarchy sent to end them.

If he were truly strong and death had come after him the same way it came after her, he would have survived the fall.

Because he always did.

Because it was not possible for him to get hurt.

It was not her fault she hadn’t survived though. She wasn’t built that way. While Hugh was made mostly of chromium, Georgia Rawles was made of flesh, bones, blood, but mainly, she was made of love, and sometimes, love could be indestructible, but other times, it could also be fragile.

Very fragile.

It didn’t matter how strong she was.

Oh, because she was strong. She was really strong. She had the kind of strength his superpowers couldn’t give him, and that was the one that was going to change the world they lived in.

Georgia Rawles was so strong, she kept her cool when things were going to hell.

Georgia Rawles was so strong, she raised a child in the middle of a world ruled by anarchy, and was the best mother that child could ask for.

Georgia Rawles was so strong, she became the face people saw when they thought about hope, and didn’t let her beautiful heart to be changed by the obstacles life threw at her, no matter how horrible they were.

And it hadn’t been her fault she died. She didn’t fail anyone, not even the Artinos.

No. The one who had failed the Artinos, the one who had failed her, had been Hugh.

He should have been the one who died that night. He should be dead and buried, and she should be there, alive, with her son and her family, living in the world she had made a better place.

A world he didn’t feel he deserved.

Suddenly, a couple of familiar white boots appeared a couple of inches in front of him. He tried to convince himself not to look up, but his curiosity was bigger than his fear, even if he already knew who it was because she appeared every night after the door incident. It was Georgie’s ghost, just that this time, she was holding Simon’s hand. Her golden cape had not a single drop of blood and looked like new. She was wearing her whole superhero uniform but without her mask, so he had a clear view of her whole face. She let go of Simon for a second, and tried to walk towards Hugh, without taking her eyes away from him.

She didn’t even have to talk to let him know what she was trying to say.

Georgie was trying to remember him the good things his world had. He had raised two brilliant and kind sons who were his pride and joy, even when they weren’t in their best behavior. He had a friend who felt like an older sister, that fiercely loved him and the rest and had always done even when she was still learning how to love herself for the good, chaotic, intelligent, and beautiful person she was. He had another friend who, on the other hand, felt like a younger sister, and whose gestures, voice, and movements were like the calm before the storm, but when it came the time to defend others or defend herself, she became the storm itself, ready to drown whoever dare to treat her in a way that didn’t fit the respect she deserved. He also had a friend, who felt like a little brother, that he had seen grow up since he was a kid that had to get on his tiptoes to high five him, and the memory of his smile, his laugh, and his jokes that sometimes seemed to be hidden behind that strange villainous mask he wore was enough for him not to hate him, even if he hated Hugh.

He had… or had had a husband too. A husband that made him feel like he was at home each time he saw him. A husband who laughed at all his jokes, even when they weren’t that funny, and made him fall in love with him all over again each time he opened that smart mouth of his. A husband whose personality, humor, and body perfectly fit his, because if Hugh had been made for someone, it had been for him. A husband who always chose him, above anything else, but when it came to the point Hugh had failed him so many times, he had no other option but to choose himself.

And it wasn’t like Hugh could blame him. Simon deserved to be happy. Simon deserved each and all of the good things that this world had to offer to him, even if one of those things wasn’t Hugh.

Suddenly, Georgie extended her hand towards him, but when she was about to touch him, an invisible and polarized wall suddenly got in her way.

It was the first time Hugh actually saw it.

It was something grey, hollow, and invisible, that was coming out of him like the chrome that was dripping from his fingers at that very moment.

But Georgie, being Georgie, didn't flinch when she saw that wall. Instead, she flew over his head to try to get in that way. Hugh was following her with his gaze and realized at the same time as her, that thing was not a simple wall that had the sole purpose of making him get away from the people he loved.

That thing, that grey, hollow, and invisible thing, was a shell that impeded the people he loved to get closer to Hugh.

And Georgie was stubborn. Probably as much or more stubborn that Hugh was, even if she constantly was acting as if she weren’t. First, she proved her luck by kicking the shell into letting her in. Then, she used all the force in her body to try to crack it open. She got so desperate that started using her fists, punching and screaming his name, calling him “darling”, and imploring him to hold on a little longer.

The thing was… the thing was he didn’t want her to do that.

He didn’t know what she was feeling, but each time she kicked, she punched and she screamed, Hugh felt like his body was hurting. Not from the outside in, like he had heard physical pain felt, but from inside out; it was a pain that didn’t limit itself to his chest area, and went through all his body. He felt it in his legs, his face, and his arms, and gave him the sudden need to scratch it away. However, the aching shell was pretty similar to the real world, in the sense that when he did it, when he scratched his body in order to make the pain stop some way or another, his skin, and therefore his pain, didn’t react to it. It was as if he hadn’t even moved or made the most minimal effort to help himself.

Please, Georgie.

Please stop.

Please, please...

Please.

Just give up.

So Georgie fell to her knees, leaving bloody marks of her hands all over the shell. The small body of a girl grabbed her by the arm as if she wanted to hug her the same way Adrian hugged Hugh when he had a nightmare. A woman put her hand on her shoulder and quickly soothed her baby before she even started crying. Then, the man of the family wrapped his arms around the four of them, with a fearful but determined expression, that only brave people like him had.

She had heard him. She had given up on him.

The same way Simon, who didn’t stop watching the whole scene, had.

The same way he himself had.

Georgie tried to make him understand one last time.

You live in a beautiful world.

But she was wrong again.

Not about the part of the world being beautiful; it was about the part of her thinking Hugh didn’t already know that.

He did know the world he lived in was beautiful because the people who were part of it made it that way.

However, each time a happy moment occurred or a tragedy knocked at the door, it was as if Hugh wasn’t able to experience the happiness or the sadness that he was supposed to feel. When they cried, they laughed, or they yelled at him, their sobs, their smiles, and their screams felt real, but when he tried to imitate them, he felt like something that had come out from another planet pretending to be a human. Even those tears he was crying now, were more of a way his mind had found to fill the hole he had on his chest, while it waited for that weight to come and take its place.

Not like it was going to matter though. When the sun came up, all those imaginary ghosts will disappear. All the tears he had cried will dry, and all the aching he had felt will turn into the deepest of numbness.

He laid his head on the floor and grasped Simon's pillow tightly.

The next morning, he would feel no pain, in the same way, he would feel no comfort because that was part of being born with the powers he had.

But was there any point in living if you couldn’t feel anything?

***

The answer to that question was about to come to him when he was standing in the Arena, actually tearing up, after both sides of the battle had suddenly ceased fire.

He wasn’t able to see his family in the middle of the chaos, but for some reason, that didn’t scare him at all. The five of them were competent and strong, and they probably were also looking for him, so it was a matter of time and keep looking for them.

Also, this chaos— this chaos was nothing compared to what the Age of Anarchy had been.

He had been alive during the Age of Anarchy. He had experienced on first hand the horrors and the violence of it and had felt like there was no alternative but to roll with it, even if it was painful, horrible, and made him feel hopeless and small.

But then, he met them.

He met them, and the five of them were so full of light that they turned him into light too. The six got together and were able to bring hope into a world that had already given up on people like them, and constantly told them to do the same.

But what they didn’t know was that their secret was not to give up on each other.

They never gave up on each other, not even when one of those lights was gone.

Maybe she never really went anywhere. Maybe she had always been there. Maybe she was on their monthly dinners, in the internal jokes they still shared after all these years, and in the small gestures that reminded them they still love each other and they were still all in this together.

And she would have loved to see them like that.

She had been right about him being strong. But that wasn’t going to be the reason why he was going to be able to end with this chaos and why the Renegades were going to win in the end one more time. He was going to win because she was right when she said he was not only strong, but he was also vibrant, wonderful, valid, and most importantly, he was right. He was right that this world was worth protecting because life was full of moments and people that he would have never met if he weren’t alive to do it in the first place.

Hugh was alive. He was alive and he still could do something about it, to fix what was in his power to fix, and one of those things was himself and the mistakes he had made. There was nothing wrong with accepting what he had done wrong and in becoming a better person, not for others, but for himself.

There was nothing wrong with being alive.

He asked himself again.

Is there any point in living if you can’t feel anything?

But the answer slipped through his fingers. Because he was about to say it out loud, when something grabbed him and dragged him out of that dream, woke him up, and made him realize he was trapped inside a nightmare.

The helmet fell off Callum Treadwell's hands, and he fell on his back, covering his wound and trying to stop the hemorrhage.

He didn’t even bother to try to stop them when they grabbed Ace Anarchy’s helmet. He also didn’t tremble when they assured all of them had fought bravely, but now it was time for them to know fear, and he barely moved as he saw them turned into a phantom creature and soared like a bird of prey while he made his way to his master to give him the key to gaining back all the power he had previously lost.

Instead, he looked at Wonder, who now was with Nightmare, and then looked at his own boots, who also had the blood of numerous people he probably didn’t know.  

Or he did.

Maybe it was his family’s blood.

With the thought in mind, he started searching for their faces in a crowd full of people looking for their loved ones while trying not to get killed in the process. He didn’t have a lot of time to do it though, because as soon as he thought he had seen Simon, the sound of shackles springing loudly reached his ears, followed by the same voice saying:

“Master of Anarchy, rise again, and let us watch them fall.”

As soon as Ace Anarchy started to float upward, the arena began to shake. His powers grabbed each piece of the structure they could find and were used against the few Renegades who were still trying to fight back. The stand he had been gazing at was yanked up from the floor, and Ace Anarchy hurled it at where he was standing.

He threw himself on the ground to dodge it, and then, he turned to see Ace, who was already gazing at him with a condescending grin on his face.

He hadn’t tried to kill him. But he hoped he had.

Actually, he hoped Ace Anarchy killed him right there, and that he did it fast.

Because that would be a lot much easier than whatever the hell he was supposed to do at that moment.

A pair of white boots tripped with Hugh’s body. He had to blink twice to make sure what he was seeing wasn’t a hallucination brought on by stress before turning to look at them and recognize Evander’s black superhero suit. At first, he thought he was going to say something like “Get up!” or “The fuck you’re doing on the ground?!” or a mixture of both, but instead, he just kicked the silver spear in his direction.

Hugh instantly grasped it. Evander gave him a small nod with the head before running towards Ace, and watching him getting closer and closer to him made something inside of Hugh move, giving him the strength he needed to get on his feet again and follow him.

As soon as he saw him throw a blinding strobe into Ace’s face, he knew what Evander wanted him to do.

Hugh took advantage of those few instants Ace gave them when he ducked his head and hurled his weapon at him.

Ace dodged it. Just for a few inches.

Hugh made eye contact with him.

Kill me.

Please.

Please.

Kill me. Right now.

And as if he had heard him, a grin appeared on his lips.

He directed the chains that had been used to contain the prisoners at what he thought it was him, and his whole body shriveled at the idea of their cold touch of the metal being the last thing his skin touched.

But Hugh had been wrong, and the chains wrapped Evander's torso and gagged his mouth.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to get on his knees and beg him to spare Evander's life. He wanted to go feral, throw himself at him, and kill him in a way that made sure he dragged both of them directly to the hell he had been told by Ace he was going to when he died, just to make sure he wouldn't hurt anyone else when he was no longer there to protect ones who were left. He wouldn't care that it wasn't heroic of him to ask his worst enemy to end his life on the verge of tears and with a broken voice because it would be even less heroic of him to let the younger member of his family die this way.

He couldn't bear to let another person die instead of him. He couldn't.

He wouldn't be able to take it.

He wasn't strong enough.

Hugh glanced at Evander one last time, to let him know everything would be fine and that he was going to be the one who took his place. But when he realized Evander hadn't taken his eyes away from him, and terror had overtaken his entire face, the words, the begging, and the crying stayed in his throat, now completely unable to come out.

Ace flicked his fingers.

And in a blink, Evander wasn't looking at him anymore.

His scream didn't sound like him. It made his throat hurt and his entire body feel cold.

No.

No, no, no, no.

It was supposed to be him.

He was the one who should be dead right now.

And why wasn't he dead then?

Why were Evander and Georgie dead— and Hugh wasn't?

A pair of knees fell to the ground beside him. He turned around, mechanically, and he saw Kasumi, whose mouth was slightly open and her face had grown pale. Suddenly, instead of breaking down and crying like he thought she was about to do, she made her hands into fists, her jaw clenched, and after a blink, her eyes had turned into the bluest of blues he had ever seen.

Her scream was so guttural and so full of pain, she didn’t sound like her. Kasumi had never been able to make a wave that big out of nowhere in just one second and she had never used her powers with so much hate drawn all over her face full of tears that she didn’t seem to realize she was crying.

But with a simple flick of his wrist, Ace flipped the entire platform and created a barrier that protected him from the wave, breaking it and flooding the arena. Kasumi quickly tried to control the water to protect Evander’s corpse; he took advantage of that distraction to throw the platform at her.

And the only thing Kasumi could do was cry out and raise her arms to defend herself from the crushing weight that now was on top of her.

She didn’t even try to move or to run away. But he didn’t know if it was because it all happened so fast she didn’t have the time to do it—

Or because she simply didn’t want to.

Hugh looked up to the sky, searching for Tamaya. He expected to find her flying, keeping her distance, throwing bolts at her enemies, and when they were able to make eye contact, he would yell her name and ask her for help.

Not for him though.

For them. For Kasumi and Evander. Because each second that passed with Kasumi still under that platform, paralyzed and alone, and with Evander still at the mercy of whoever that passed and that could trip with him or kicked him, was a second that they were being—

Hurt.

But Hugh didn’t see her. She wasn’t anywhere he expected to find her, and he did his best to scan the whole sky, even if the little smoke that still remained in the area made it difficult for him to see.

Then, a dark thought clouded his mind.

Tamaya wasn’t reckless. Not anymore. She wouldn’t risk her life by staying on the ground, and she would know that the best way she would be able to help the rest of them was if she flew and got closer only in case they needed her help.

If she had stayed in the sky, she would have been able to see Evander blinding Ace with his powers. She would have seen Kasumi breaking down and her wave would have touched her wings. She would have known they needed her help long before Hugh did.

Then why wasn’t she there?

Why couldn’t he bring himself to lower his head and look for her in the ground?

Why was he so… numb?

Suddenly, Ace’s roar filled his ears. The villain had a knife buried on his left side, and when he tried to hit whoever had stabbed him, he wasn’t able to find them.

It wasn’t possible that someone had thrown a knife at him since the attack had clearly been from behind. And no one would be fast enough to get out of Ace’s reach and disappear before he realized he had been hurt.

Disappear.

And it was as if he could see him again. He was able to see him standing behind Ace, piercing him with his gaze, ready to push him, made him hit his face against the ground, and kill him himself. He could see his face—the face he had kissed thousands of times— contorted in anger even before his presence was revealed by Honey Harper, who screeched almost as if asking for his husband’s head, and sent every one of the creatures she had control over in his direction.

Simon cried in pain and, after flickering a couple of seconds, he curled into a ball, to protect his body from the bee’s dangerous stings.

An eerie beam of light flew over his head and made Honey Harper fall into a row of plastic chairs. Her bees suddenly lost interest in Simon and flew towards her, hearing their queen calling for someone’s name. When he looked around for whoever had attacked her, he recognized the Sentinel’s armor and noticed how he slowly lowered his arm, as if he couldn’t believe he had just shot someone right in the chest from that distance.

From the corner of his eyes, he saw Leroy Flinn tossing a couple of Renegades who were about to attack him and running towards his ally to check on her as if he were one more of her bees who blindly followed her command. Ace watched the scene as the same time Hugh did, but instead of asking Cyanide if she was fine, or even trying to pretend he cared for her, he used his powers to pull his back out of his knife.

He pulled the knife out of his back, probably because he was too full of himself to realize that he could bleed to death if he did that.

Simon knew that. He would have done it himself if he only had time.

Simon knew a lot of things.

And Hugh saw in his eyes that he knew Ace was aiming at his throat when he threw his own weapon at him.

But before the knife touched any inch of Simon’s skin, a swarm of monarch butterflies covered him and Danna Bell used her forearm to knock it from the air.

The Renegades who were still on condition to fight started using their powers at maximum capacity to try to stop Ace Anarchy. Hugh began to walk around with his head low, looking for his weapon because that was the only thing the dark fog that made his body feel dizzy and his thoughts fuzzy allowed him to do.

Look for it.

Look for it, grab it, get up, and fight.

The spear was nowhere to be found. And Hugh didn’t feel like fighting anymore.

He wanted to lay on the floor. He wanted to lay on the floor with Tamaya, with Kasumi, and with Evander, close his eyes, and try to remember how he felt when they were kids and all of them slept together in the same giant bed. He would try to imagine the sound of their breaths and suffocate the yelling, the crying, and the screeching, to at least feel like he was falling asleep before someone came and finished the job for —not for Ace— but for him.

And if no one did, at least Hugh knew what he was going to do next.

His knees began to tremble and his feet refused to keep going. He saw the Silver Spear a couple of meters behind Ace. Maybe if he was able to get across those barriers Ace had built around him with his powers, he could use it.

He had never tried to use it to see if it could physically hurt him in a way that could potentially kill him.

But he could try.

Immediately after that, he noticed someone’s gaze was fixated on him. He looked at Ace but just at that moment, he was struck by a bolt of smoke, distracting himself by his own coughing.

Two hands covered with black gloves slightly touched his weapon and made it move towards him.

The same hands he had been wanting to hold for so long.

The same hands that belonged to the same person who hadn’t stopped looking at him after all this time.

Simon probably didn’t even notice what he did. When Hugh looked back at him, he wasn’t paying attention to him anymore; instead, he was trying his best not to keep slipping on the muddy ground while he stumbled his way out of there.

Simon was slipping through his fingers once again.

The difference was that this time when the Sentinel landed beside a kneeling Simon, hurt and full with stings on his face and neck, he knew he couldn’t let watching him go away be the last thing he did in his life.

Hugh didn’t like running after people when they decided to go because he would never want anyone to do it if it were him.

After all, leaving took a lot of strength. Someone following him would only make it so much harder.

And being the one who followed and was rejected at the end, was even worse.

But some people were worth following. Just one time. Just to make sure they really wanted to leave, or if they wanted to stay just as hard as one wanted them to.

Just so each other knew they haven’t given up on each other yet.

Because he would never give up on Simon; not even when Hugh had already given up on himself.

When he kneeled beside him, he just threw a glance at the Sentinel to try to figure out his intentions, but immediately centered all his attention on Simon.

The hell with the Sentinel.

“Simon, what happened?” he asked him, with his voice trembling as much as the ground did. “What’s wrong?”

And Simon—

Simon answered him.

“At least one of those hornets must have had Agent N—” their gazes met “—I’ve been neutralized.”

He bit his lips and lowered his head, almost as if he were apologizing for something.

But Hugh didn’t want him to apologize. He wasn’t the one who needed to do it.

That Simon was still his Simon. With or without powers.

Hugh put his arm around Simon. “We need to get you out of here. Can you stand?”

He expected Simon to flinch at his touch and ask him to get away from him as soon as he touched. What he didn’t expect was for him to completely ignore his question and his arm around him, and instead, ask him, “Have you seen Adrian?”

Hugh immediately tried to remember if he had seen him during the fight. But, to his horror, the last time he had seen Adrian had been the night he and his team discovered Nightmare’s true identity because he had been avoiding him during the last days.

Those things now seemed insignificant and petty compared with what was happening now.

First, he only shook his head, and while he helped him to get up, Simon’s eyes started to fill with tears. “We’ll find him,” he assured him. “He’s strong. He has to be fine.”

And it was a threat to the universe.

Simon tried to give a step, but his legs couldn’t hold the weight of his body, and he almost fell again. Hugh instinctively held him tighter. “I’m okay,” Simon quickly said, waving his hand. “It’s just…”

It’s just—

Hugh wanted to ask him: “It’s just what?”

But she hadn’t asked him that question. So he didn’t ask Simon either.

He did want an answer though.

And Simon was so good, he gave it to him.

“My whole body feels like it’s burning up from the inside out. Whatever venom those wasps have—”

Simon groaned and Hugh heard his words echoing in his mind.

Feeling.

At least you’re feeling.

You’re feeling, and that’s what matters.

Hugh tried to speak, but the Sentinel interrupted him before he could even say a word.

“Here, let me take him.” He frowned, and the Sentinel added, “You need to stop Ace Anarchy.”

He contemplated the Sentinel's armor, about to tell him to move and let him take his husband out of there.

Hugh didn't need to do anything.

The only thing he needed to do was to get Simon away from danger as quickly as possible.

But he would be lying.

Because deep in his heart, he knew he had to stop Ace Anarchy before he did anything else.

Not because he wanted to. It was because he had to.

That was the way it had always been.

He would like to hate the Sentinel for making that remark, but as soon as his eyes met with his helmet, he realized he had become one of those insignificant and petty things he couldn't believe had taken so much of his time.

And he had also saved Max.

Without him, Adrian wouldn't have had a little brother to kidnap, Hugh wouldn't have had two sons to worry about, and probably, a husband for the Anarchist to hurt.

“Thank you.”

He meant it.

He really meant it.

If the Sentinel smiled or felt something when he heard those words, he didn't show it. He moved towards them to help Simon put his weight on him, but as soon as he got close, he flinched and held Hugh tighter.

A lot more tighter.

With all his might.

Hugh looked him dead in the eye, and Simon did it too.

He would never forget how soft, yet determined, his voice sounded when he said those three words to him.

It was a plea and it was an order.

It was a question and it was an answer.

They were full of vulnerability and they were full of strength.

It was the first words he had really said to him in a long time but might as well become the last ones.

Simon said, “Don't get killed.”

Two realizations came to him at the same time.

The first one was that Simon's lips were slightly open after he said that.

And the second one was that he couldn't die yet.

Not because of the world. Not even because he was sure he wanted to keep living.

He needed to live because he had to find Tamaya to tell her he was sorry, even if he had to look for her on the ground. Because he needed to help Kasumi, ask her to forgive him too, and assure her she had been right all along. Because he needed to fulfill the silent promise he had made to Evander since the day he appeared on their life's door and protect him one last time.

He needed to see Max, hug him, and get him ready for bed.

He needed to talk to Adrian again and tell him he loved him, without him having to be the first one to do so.

And he needed to hold, touch, but above all, kiss the love of his life one more time, and make sure he would never again think Hugh didn't love him until his last breath, and that his last thoughts were all about him.

So he not only needed to live.

He had to live.

Just one last time, he had to live.

He had done it before; he would do it again.

“I'd like to see him try.”

***

The last thing Hugh saw before falling, was Adrian’s face.

And he looked small. Very small. And completely terrified.

He looked so terrified, that the few seconds he was falling, he could only think about all the horrible things Adrian and Max must be feeling, and not actually about what he was feeling.

But as soon as he realized that, he hit the ground.

At first, he did his best not to give up and stay awake for as long as possible. But he started wondering what Georgie felt when she fell from the sky. If she had looked like a shooting star. And he wondered if it was really her the one who appeared in front of him, wearing a golden cape. If it was really her when she held his face in her hands, caressing his cheeks without saying a single word, and kissed his forehead before getting up again and starting flying, and flying until he couldn’t see her anymore.

He also wondered if she would have been woken up by the pain had she survived the fall, just like he eventually did. If she would have also felt the instant relief everyone felt when they came to the realization that they were alive, just to immediately be followed up by guilt. Or what Georgie would have thought if she had stayed a little longer, just to ask him that one last time.

Where does it hurt?

Hugh would have told her the truth. Because of course he would have told her the truth. He would never lie to her. Not even when all he had done for the last ten years, had been lying to himself.

Everywhere.

It hurts everywhere.

She didn’t ask him anything though.

Not that he was mad at her for not doing so.

He just wondered what she would have thought.

[sasuhinasno1fan]

A promise to keep you safe- Lukadrien June Day 1

It’s here! My second @lukadrien-june​. I haven’t started s4 but just going off what I’ve heard others talk about, I don’t think I will. Instead I’ll just focus on my love for lukadrien which by this time last year had been a small growing love but is now my top ship of the whole show. Sorry Adrienette, just not really doing it for me anymore, but I still love you. Anyway, back to this month long event. This story was inspired by the k-drama, The Last Empress, which is basically about a normal girl who marries into the royal family. However, she finds out it was all a lie and that the royal family is corrupt and messed up and decides she’s going to bring them down. The head of security is an inside man also hoping to bring them down and the two get closer. We were robbed of them getting together in the show, but you can’t deny that’s where they were going, no matter how that show ended. I hope this doesn’t count as salt towards Gabriel, cause I can see him doing this and Audrey, well I needed a bad guy. Anyway, enjoy. Promise

Luka watched his sister pretty up the gift bag, trying not to think of the reason he had it in the first place. The royal family of France was, well, corrupt. It hadn’t always been like that, or maybe it had been but no one ever noticed because there were actual people who cared who spoke louder. To Luka, it was just the people he had to live ruling over his life. Then things changed.

He’d been on the Liberty about to sit down for a movie with his sister when they got a call no one ever wanted. Their mom, who’d been going to visit a friend had been hit in a hit and run and died. Having to go identify the body was one of the worst things in Luka’s life. The funeral, the Viking send-off she wanted (a safe version), the fear that they’d lose the Liberty and each other had it not been for an anonymous donation for the boat to stay with them and to help with Luka’s emancipation and getting custody of his sister.

During all this, he’d gotten a letter with an SD card. The card had a video, a traffic cam. It showed his mother walking back home when a black SUV suddenly came and ran into her. He watched the driver get out and look annoyed as he nudged Anarka with his foot. That driver was the King. The letter stated that the King’s engagement was used as an alibi to keep him clean and his car had seemingly vanished. If he wanted to help take the corrupt monarchy down, he needed to work at the castle. The only open position was part of the royal Imperial Guard. He’d promised his mom back when he was in lycée, he’d stay out of fights, but he hoped she’d forgive this just once. With a friend’s help, he created a fake identity, knowing the name Couffaine would raise flags with the King, passed the written exam and had been the only person still standing in the physical. He told Juleka to say he’d gone traveling to deal with their mother’s death and stay with her girlfriend if she thought it safe. He’d entered the palace, not knowing how things would go or even who to look for when it came to joining to bring the monarchy down.

Imagine his surprise when it turned out the Crown Prince was the one who sent him the letter.

“Why are you doing this?” Luka had growled, holding Prince Adrien by his collar in the unused wing of the castle he’d been asked to come to.

“Because it doesn’t matter who my father is, he deserves to be punished. I wish I could say he hasn’t always been like this but I know he has. Isn’t it strange that the Crown Prince almost never leaves the castle and neither did my mother after marrying my father?  My father has always been like this. My mother tried to bring him down and she’s dead. I’m not going to stop until I finish what she started.”

So he agreed to help, but he was cautious. For all he knew, the Prince would turn against him. He had quite the team already. Marinette, his personal assistant, whose grandfather had his heirlooms stolen by the King after refusing to sell them. Alya and Nino, Adrien’s PR team. Alya’s younger twin sisters and Nino’s younger brother all had rare blood types and needed a surgery for a simple procedure. Said blood type was also shared with the King and after an accident he had, the blood had been ripped from the kids. The children had gotten sicker and now stayed at the hospital waiting for another shipment. Chloe, who was the daughter of the King’s newest wife, had been insulted beyond believe by the King and treated like dirt. And now him, a person’s who mother was taken too early and the King wouldn’t take reasonability.

It became clear very quickly that the Prince, that Adrien meant what he said. He was good at pretending to be the prefect prince and obedient son, but he’d been collecting seeds and releasing them too slowly. First with the announcement of Duke Felix, nephew to the King was actually his illegitimate son. Then starting to release the questions of what happened to the Queen, starting with leaving clues to her real body.

He could see that doing all this was taking a toll on Adrien. The public was getting distressed and people wanted to point fingers. Luka wanted to help but instead Adrien wanted to focus on getting more information about Anarka’s death. The cover up, the moving of her body to be found else were, finding the missing car, finding out Nathalie’s whole involvement in all this. It started to boil up emotionally for Luka and after nearly taking care of the King himself, he left the castle and sat in front of his mother’s grave for hours before Adrien found him there.

“It’d be so easy to kill him, to make him pay.” Luka said, still holding onto his anger.

“It would be, but I don’t think your mother would want that.”

Luka remembered the anger just releasing at the thought of what his mother would tell him if he’d been closer to killing the King. “My mom was this wild chaos driven person. She came from a proper family and hated it. So when she got older, she went her own way. She raised us with such trust that we knew hiding things from her wouldn’t help us and we never wanted to disappoint her. I used to get into so much trouble with fighting. I guess my empathic ways really had a hard time dealing with everything and I would lash out. She was the one who encouraged me to use my music to speak, not my fists. I was never this weird person or uncontrollable child. I was her kid and she loved me and she didn’t deserve this.” He stared at her headstone. “She hated the cold.”

He hadn’t been expecting Adrien to take his scarf off, exposing his neck to the cold fall weather and wrap it around the headstone as best he could.

“I don’t know if this is enough, but I hope it helps. I’ll keep him from going too far, I promise. We’ll avenge you so you can rest easy knowing your kids are safe.” Adrien promised out loud.

If Luka hadn’t known it then, he knew it now. Prince Adrien Agreste was a kind person, nothing like his father and if the monarchy was ever to continue, would be France’s greatest ruler. He took so much on his shoulders and never said a word about it. So Luka promised himself he’d do whatever it took to lighten the load. Which lead him to now. It was a small thing, but he got his sister to pretty up the bag with a new scarf in it for Adrien.

“All done.” Juleka said, pushing the bag to her brother. “You know, I saw the scarf on Mom’s headstone. Rose said the scarf is actually pretty expensive.”

“I don’t think he cares about that.”

“No, I guess not.” Luka knew his sister worried about what he was doing but with the soft look on her face, he had a feeling she knew he was safe. “I think Mom would have liked him. She would have totally adopted him.”

Luka smiled to himself at the thought of his mom attacking the King just to protect Adrien. “Yeah, she would. I better go. Be safe, ok? Let me know what Rose’s parents say about you going with her to Achu.”

“I will as long as you stay safe too.”

“I promise.”

                                                       _____________

Adrien stretched out his neck. Being ordered by his step-mother to organize the annual bazar was weird. Usually the Queen would take care of organizing it but somehow Audrey ended up convince his father that Adrien and Felix should do it as Crown Princes. Felix wanted nothing to do with it and even though Felix was on his side, Adrien wasn’t about to force his brother into it since he had to announce to everyone who Felix really was in order to forward their plans. He had no clue how his mom had done this every year. Even with a bases of what to go off, it was a lot of work. Not to mention Audrey was monopolizing all the Queen’s staff that could help him with this. He was worried what she had in store for him and if his father would care for a few moments like he usually did.

A knock on the door interrupted his break. Hoping it was Marinette with more info he needed, he called for the person to come in. He was surprised when he saw it was Luka.

“What are you doing here? I thought you had the day off?”

“I do. I had to go get something.” Adrien then noticed Luka was hiding something behind his back. He raised an eyebrow at the bodyguard, who only smiled before pulling a gift bag from behind his back and placing it on the table. 

“What’s this?”

“Open it.”

Adrien was usually cautious when people gave him gifts as a fault, but he knew he could trust the people in his group. So he opened the bag and pulled out the deep blue scarf. The colour reminded him of the colour Luka used to have in his hair.

“You kept my mom warm and I know she’d ring my ear if I left you to get cold.” Luka explained.

“You didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to.” Luka plucked the scarf from Adrien and slowly wrapped it around his neck as to not startle him. “It looks good on you.”

Adrien pressed his face into the scarf, hiding his blush. He wondered if it said something that he didn’t flinch as much with Luka putting the scarf around his neck as he sometimes did with Nino throwing an arm around his neck. Maybe because they had the chance to interact more or maybe, when around Luka, Adrien just felt things he thought he wouldn’t feel.

Luka just had a way of getting past a person’s walls.

                                                   ___________

Luka tried not to feel rage. The royal family just didn’t give up. Audrey had practically ordered Adrien to take care of the annual bazar and then dragged Chloe and Felix – The Forgotten Royals as she played them up to be – to a photoshoot with the King that ran over into the bazar, leaving Adrien the only member of the royal family to attend the bazar. Audrey came down with a sudden illness.

The auction had been going on, still no sign of Chloe, Felix or the King when they reached the final item. An antique clock from the King’s collection. Luka watched Adrien talk about the clock, his hand on it when he yanked it away with a sudden ‘ouch’. He watched as he joked to the crowd about how metals retain heat and to not place the clock in direct sunlight. Luka remembered trying to understand how an antique clock, that had been out of the sun, could be hot. Unless there was something inside radiating heat. It what felt like snapshots, he’d warned Adrien, thrown the clock away and pulled Adrien to the floor as the bomb inside exploded. To see Adrien unconscious, blood dripping from the shallow cut on his neck, though at that moment, it looked much worse, it scared him. He barely even recognised the King as he picked Adrien up to get him to the medical wing. He wasn’t sure how long the concern the king held would last. Adrien didn’t stay in the medical wing long once he woke up. He demanded to stay in his room while he recovered and once the doctor set up his IV bag next to his bed and gave him a dose of pain killers, Luka was told to stay with the Prince and watch over him.

Luka knew as head of the guard for Adrien, he had paperwork to fill out for the incident, but he couldn’t move. He realised he was starting to feel stifled in his suit and stood up, hoping to duck out to change but stopped when something grabbed his hand.

Adrien looked up at him with lidded eyes, eyes that screamed fear laced with pain. “Don’t go, please?”

Dropping back down onto his chair, Luka held Adrien’s hand, using his other to wipe the tears that escaped the green eyes. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Those same green eyes locked on the one scratched Luka had gotten. He felt like such a failure for not keeping Adrien safe, for letting him get hurt worse than he did.

“You’re hurt.”

“It’s just a scratch. Just focus on getting better, ok?”

‘Get better so I don’t go crazy and kill either your father or Audrey. I haven’t decided yet.’

Adrien gently squeezed Luka’s hand. “Promise me you won’t leave?”

Luka pulled his hand away enough to link pinkies with the Prince. It didn’t matter that they were adults, this was how he swore things.

“I promise, I won’t leave you.” he pressed a kiss onto the interlocked pinkies and watched the tension leave Adrien.

Adrien made promises to him and his family and this was one Luka would keep forever. 

[selenityshiroiml]

So...I’ve seen somewhere that, at some point, Chat Noir will not be a part of the show for a bit. And I started to think of a scenario where it would work, but I’m not a massive fic writer and all my ideas are building up into a huge plot but with no major desire to write it. So...massive post-Gabriel/Hawkmoth story idea under the cut

So, I had the idea that the miraculous crew (all reunited for the big event) would find out Gabriel was Hawkmoth and quickly work to take him out. And, yeah, Chat Noir was a bit off during the take down but at least they all stopped Gabriel and got him and Nathalie arrested and they got back the Peacock Miraculous (but the Butterfly got knocked off and is still missing because Butterfly User Lila).

And the crew are all ‘oh shit...what about poor Adrien (who none of us know personally of course) he wasn’t here at the mansion when we ruined his life so we should all split up and go look for him’

(Nino finds him crying on his doorstep)

But then the next day Adrien kind of closes off and goes off radar for a bit because comatose Emilie was found and he’s now splitting time between the hospital and trying to make sure Agreste Fashion doesn’t tank and take all it’s innocent employees with it and a hotel because he is not going back to that mansion. And all his friends are giving him space because they love him and know he’s gone through a lot with his dad and psudo-stepmom being magical terrorists. And maybe they also don’t want to push because they also feel a little guilty for slapping the cuffs on.

In the meantime Chat Noir and Ladybug are still looking for the missing Butterfly but Chat is still off and he asks Ladybug if he can take some time for personal reasons. And Ladybug is all ‘what??? is something wrong?’ and he tells her that a family member is has been ill for a long time and they might need to be transferred for specialist medical treatment. But he’s being sufficiently vague enough that Ladybug assumes he’s been taking care of a family member with cancer or something and ‘OMG how long has he been struggling, was this happening before Hawkmoth??? Did he put off telling her or asking to take time off because he was worried about leaving her alone to deal with the akumas and everything???’

So she’s all ‘of course you can take some time you are my friend and partner and I care about you and I know you’ll be back as soon as you can and I hope everything goes well in your real life’

But what’s really happening is that the Guardian Temple has been in contact with Adrien and are all ‘we can help heal your mother...come to Tibet’ and Adrien is all ‘well...I can’t take the Black Cat Miraculous to Tibet with me because Ladybug might need it to protect her’ so he sends Plagg off with the ring and tells him to take it back to the Guardian (he isn’t truly renouncing it, he’s just being a selfless moron).

Of course, Marinette gets home from school and finds Plagg hissing and spitting at all the Kwami in her room and she realises Plagg is there with the ring and they are both so angry and upset at Chat Noir because ‘how fucking dare he’ and she refuses to put the ring away and no way in HELL is anyone else wearing it. She puts it on a cord around her neck and keeps it under her shirt at all times.

And then a few days later Adrien (who has slowly started messaging his friends back and thanking them for their support) shows up at school to say goodbye for a bit because he’s taking his mother to a specialist in China and everyone is all sad face but hopes everything goes well. (and obviously no one thinks twice about the fact that Adrien is leaving Paris not long after Chat Noir stopped appearing) And Tikki is shoving cheese scones into Plagg’s mouth whilst they hide in Marinette’s bag because she’s afraid he’s gonna shout out for his kitten before he drives off.

But then he’s gone and Marinette misses Chat Noir like anything and she misses Adrien and Alya is all ‘sooooo...can we borrow the ring?’ and Marinette and Plagg are both ‘OVER MY DEAD BODY’.

And then at some point a weird Miraculous user turns up with another strange user acting as a Mandarin-French interpreter and they ask Ladybug for the Peacock to heal Emilie Agreste. And she is all ‘wt actual fuck???’ and is all ‘let me think about it’ because Plagg is hidden in her hair whispering ‘you can trust them...especially the young one’ and she says to come back the next night and she’ll give her answer.

So she does the only thing she can think of to get answers as to why the Peacock might help Emilie. She sneaks into jail and asks Gabriel. And Gabriel, who has had time to think about his defeat and add 2 and 2 together to make 4 has realised that she is Marinette (he’s also worked out that Chat Noir is his son but he’s keeping quiet) and is open with her about how Emilie fell into a coma because of the Peacock and that, yes, it might be used to help her recover but he has no idea how. He also asks pointed questions about Sentimonsters and how she treated the Ladybug Sentimonster as a living being because maybe there might be a repercussion you aren’t willing to be responsible for.

Ladybug agrees to give the Peacock Miraculous to the Guardian Temple representatives on the promise that it is returned to her via Adrien and Emilie Agreste when they return, safe and well, to Paris.

In the meantime the Adrien-less plot ticks away with new Akuma victims showing up (showing that some asshole really DOES have the butterfly) but the motives seem to be less ‘bring me their miraculous’ and more ‘fuck everyone in Paris because i’m angry and upset because no one believes in me or gives me the attention i want’ because fucking Lila.

And at one point Nino, Alya and Marinette go and check out apartments on behalf of Adrien who has shortlisted places from China but wants his friends to check them out physically for him because he trusts them (and they are all ‘oh shit...this is an apartment but it’s like three times the size of all our places combined why is our friend so rich...) because I think that would be cute.

Until one day the news breaks out that Nathalie has disappeared in jail and all that is left is a feather, mostly white but with tints of blue at the edges. Marinette is all ‘shit...that’s an amok thing’ and manages to convince the police to give Ladybug the feather. She purifies the feather and on the otherside of the planet Emilie Agreste wakes up.

(Because Nathalie was a sentimonster that critically ill Emilie made and was filled with her desire to look after her husband and son and the reason why Gabriel didn’t try to destroy Nathalie to help Emilie is because by the time he realised what Nathalie was she was already a real person in his eyes, like the Ladybug Sentimonster, and also she was a part of Emilie and he didn’t want to risk destroying her if it wouldn’t help because she was all he had of his wife and he’s actually sad that Nathalie might be gone, even if it means Emilie wakes)

And then Adrien comes home and Emilie is still weak but hey at least she is there and she pays attention to her son which is more than Gabriel ever did (and it’s kind of weird that she seems to know things that only Nathalie knew...it’s like she saw her son grow up as if watching a movie).

And then Adrien sneaks up on Ladybug whilst she’s out and about (because he knows all her normal patrol spots) in order to return the Peacock. And Ladybug has spent the last while swearing to Plagg that when Chat comes back she is going to say fuck it to the hidden identities because she is going to shove the ring back on his damned finger herself and never let him take it off again. So Plagg has no qualms about zooming out of Ladybug’s hair and smooshing straight into Adrien’s face screaming ‘IF YOU EVER LEAVE ME AGAIN I WILL COUGH UP A CAMEMBERT FLAVOURED HAIRBALL DIRECTLY INTO YOUR MOUTH YOU RAT BASTARD’

And that isn’t how Marinette or Adrien expected the reveal to go but whatever.

(alternatively they could hold out on the reveal and just have a cute Ladrien scene of Adrien thanking Ladybug for helping his mother heal whilst she is all awkwardly all ‘sorry I got your father arrested’ and then when Marinette gets home Plagg is all ‘wow...will you look at the time, I think Chat Noir might be mysteriously ready for me to take my ring back to him’ and then he flies off and two days later Ladybug finds Chat Noir on top of the Montparnasse Tower and she tackle hugs him off the side of the building and they have to quickly stop each other from falling to their deaths via yoyo and staff and they end up tangled together whilst ugly crying because they missed each other SOOOOOO MUCH)