#i say straight but really i might be bi who the fuck knows i sure don't lmao

[exhuastedpigeon]

I was tagged by @butchdiaz to do a 2024 fic roundup! In 2024 I posted 29 fics for a total of 201,143 words, which is the most I've ever posted to Ao3 in a single year (that that doesn't count the 75k wip I have in the works right now or the other 40k of wips I have, don't look at me). In 2024 I also posted my favourite fic I've ever written and posted a fic every month.

January

one is one too many, one more is never enough (2.2k | teen) Hangovers, drunken love confessions, getting together

They say hangovers get worse as you get older. Buck never believed that until his first hangover in his thirties hit him like a fucking freight train. He’d spent the entire day moving between the couch and the bathroom throwing up and had vowed to never get that drunk again.

every road and every highway led me right back to your door (Teen) Accidental baby acquisition, magic!Stiles

Derek would like it noted that he had been in way worse situations before. He would like that on the official record. His current predicament honestly doesn’t even make the top five worst situations he’s ever been in. It might not even make the top ten.

if you keep reachin' out (then I'll keep comin' back) (2k | teen) Rescue, minor injury, hurt!Eddie

“Don’t make me jealous,” Buck said, leaning in close and tugging at Eddie’s clips like he hadn’t already tested them three times.

“I would never,” Eddie winked, relishing the way Buck blushed. It probably wasn’t the best idea to flirt with Buck before a rescue but Eddie couldn’t help himself. He’d been struggling with keeping his feelings for Buck locked down for months now, maybe even longer if he was honest with himself. 

We don't even have to try, it's always a good time (2.2k | Explicit) Established relationship, closet sex

“Can I help you?” Eddie asked, fighting back a smile because Buck looked a little bit like he’d just swallowed a lemon. He was pretty sure Buck wasn’t in here to touch his dick, not with that look on his face.

February 

there ain't no turning back (28.3k | Explicit) Road trips, mutual pining, sharing a bed, future fic

Eddie let out a yelp when he finally took in the room. It was a two queen room, white blankets, a TV, a desk and chair near the window, nothing about the furniture was strange, except for the fact that Buck was lounging on the bed closest to the windows, his legs crossed at the ankles, feet clad in MIT socks that he’d gotten for himself the day Chris sent his application in because Buck was that confident he’d get in.

March

lay your cards down, down, down (6.3k | Mature) Bachelor party, woke up married, friends to husbands

At that moment a few things happened at once that all felt equality important. Buck noticed a black ring on Eddie’s ring finger. Buck felt Eddie’s hard cock pressed against his hip. And Buck saw a matching black ring on his own ring finger. Maybe it was silly to put Eddie’s hard cock at the same level as what looked a lot like wedding rings, but it felt just as important as the other two observations.

Baby, take me (4.4k | Explicit) Fluff and smut, bachelor party, love confessions

“Pretty sure I turned it off just fine last night,” Eddie said with a smirk that went straight to Buck’s cock, already half hard just from the way Eddie’s stubble is dragging across his skin. “Is that how I get you to stop thinking?”

I want to be your fantasy (maybe you could be mine) (7.2k | Explicit) Bachelor party, pole dancing, former stripper Eddie

“I’m going to be really good at this class,” Eddie said, his voice low. “Because one of my jobs before moving to L.A. was stripping. You’re the first person who didn’t work at the club or go to the club to know that and I’d prefer if it stayed that way.”

April

ain't no lie (bi bi bi) (8.6k | explicit) Eddie/Tommy, friends with benefits, jealous!Buck, pre-relationship Buddie

Eddie fools around with Tommy, Buck is jealous, Tommy's just trying to have a good time

kiss him once for me (935 words | gen) Feelings realization, pining, pre-relationship Buddie

Nothing changed between them. Or at least, nothing changed until he sees Buck and Tommy kiss.

give your heart and soul to charity (12.5k | teen) Character study, Catholic guilt, coming out, getting together

Eddie dumps God, gets some more therapy, accepts parts of himself he was taught to hate, loves his best friend, and loves himself.

wipe your mouth when you done (4.1k | Mature) Hockey AU, hockey fights, injury recovery

Buck would like it on record that he didn’t go looking for the video of Eddie’s fight with Jonah Greenway because he didn’t even know Eddie had gotten in a fight with Jonah Greenway. Ravi sent the video into the group chat with the comment that “Fans are weirdly horny over fights” and no other context.

May

keep on whispering in my ear (2.1k | explicit) Drunk hookups, infidelity, pre-relationship buddie

Eddie and Buck get extremely drunk at Chim's bachelor party and hook up

June

I'll Show You Magic (7k | explicit) Alternate universe - magic, witch!Eddie, Witch!Buck, different first meeting

"Who the hell are you?" Buck asks before his brain to mouth filter is fully online.

"Eddie," The guy - Eddie - says with an amused little smile pulling at his mouth. "I'm guessing you're Buck. Lucy said you’d be coming in and that you don't have much of a filter."

July

so far away but still so near (6.2k | Teen) Eddie & Lucy & Ravi friendship, personal growth, coming out

In which Eddie Diaz learns who he is outside of being a father, builds some new friendships, and loves his best friend

loves a game, wanna play? (57.5k | Mature) Love Island AU, Post S7, the silliest thing I've ever written

In the aftermath of Chris leaving for the summer, Buck convinces Eddie they should apply for Love Island together.

August

baby, get me off again (2.4k | Explicit) Lutalia, casual sex, praise kink, semi-public sex

“Natalia Dollenmeyer.”

“I remember,” Lucy turned in her seat so she was facing Natalia. “At the risk of sounding like a bad pickup artist, what’s a beautiful woman like you doing alone in a bar like this.”

from the ashes (5.6k | teen) Art as therapy, Eddie fic, getting together, self discovery

A call at an art studio inspires Eddie to take an art class, it turns out he kind of loves it.

 September

 I can fix that (4.2k | Mature) Flirting, teasing, pining, Eddie's moustache, home improvement

“What’s what?” Eddie asked, but the smile tugging at his mouth, the smile that was just slightly obscured by the hottest mustache Buck had ever fucking seen, told Buck Eddie knew exactly what he was talking about.

how to slay a dragon (2k | gen) Uncle Eddie, babysitting, Jee-Yun, playing make believe

Buck didn't know what to expect when he walked into the Han house. He definitely hadn’t expected to see Eddie sitting on the floor with Jee in front of him carefully french braiding her hair. He also hadn’t expected Eddie to be wearing a pink sparkly tiara. He definitely hadn’t expected Eddie to smile up at Buck when he saw him with soft eyes, eyes that didn’t feel like looking into an ocean of sadness, and carefully tie the end of one of the braids he was working on with a little bow.

The Pink Fairy (2.6k | teen) Magic!Stiles, mystery, banter

“Derek Hale, as I live and breathe,” Stiles grinned at him, leaning his elbows on the bar so he could get closer to Derek. It wasn’t loud, not yet. Not at 4pm, but Stiles had never really figured out how to stay out of Derek’s personal space. Apparently, years of distance between them hadn’t magically solved that for him.

the cat's meow (4.2k | explicit) Cats, love confessions, hand jobs

Eddie adopts a cat and let's himself have good things.

October

Gimme S'more (1.8k | Teen) Fluff, s'mores, flirting

“Damn, you’re right,” Buck’s laugh was bright. He’s been brighter in the last month, since Bobby finally got the captain's seat back and since Chris came home. Since basically everything that was royally fucking their lives up and the team’s lives finally ended.

Sweet as Pumpkin Pie (2.3k | Gen) Uncle Eddie, Uncle Buck, pumpkin patches, Jee-Yun, fluff

“That’s pretty cool,” Eddie said and Jee nodded at both of them, her hair already coming out of the little pigtails that Maddie had put it in when they picked her up. “How many pumpkins do you think it took to build it?”

“A billion!” Jee yelled, running through the pumpkin house with a giggle.

A-maze-ing (2.7k | Teen) Corn maze, fluff, autumn

“Would you want t-to go with me? To the haunted pumpkin patch?” Buck asked, sounding way too nervous for asking Eddie to go to a pumpkin patch. Unless - Unless.

Unless Buck wasn’t just asking him to go to a pumpkin patch. Unless Buck was asking Eddie on a date to the pumpkin patch. Eddie felt something warm and fizzy bubbling in his chest. He kind of felt like he might bubble up and float away, so filled with joy at the prospect of Buck asking him out. Of Buck wanting him that way. 

all dressed up (with somewhere to go) (3.4k | Teen) Mistaken Identity, getting together, making out, fluff and humor

“Hey,” Buck grinned when he reached Spider-man, grabbing him by the wrist to turn him around. He peeled the mask up just enough to kiss him. That was weird too, he’d never had to lean down to kiss Tommy before, even if it was only by an inch. Maybe the boots Buck was wearing had a bigger sole than he’d realized.

The kiss didn’t feel like Tommy either, his lips were softer and fuller than usual, but Buck chalked that up to the tequila. It was a good kiss though, that was the thing. It was a great kiss. He didn’t want to stop kissing him and actually, he didn’t have to. Buck wrapped his arms around him and deepened the kiss, groaning just a little when he felt Tommy wrap his arms around Buck too.

“Evan?”

November

please don't go (646 words | Gen) 8x08 Coda, inspired by fanart, pining

"Don't go."

The words are trapped in a cage at the back of Buck's throat. Every time he's opened his mouth in the last week he's had to speak around them. He feels like a tiger pacing his enclosure, like he's going to snap at the bars if anyone gets too close.

December

I should be pushing daisies (5.5k | Teen) Character study, light angst, love confessions, happy ending, extend metaphors

“I miss you so much, man,” Eddie says as easy as anything. Like those words don’t have the power to breathe life back into Buck’s body and steal that breath back at the same time. “It’s dumb but - I guess I didn’t realize how ingrained you are in my life until suddenly you weren’t there.”

“I-I miss you too,” Buck manages to say, though he has no idea if he sounds normal or if he sounds like there’s an anvil on his chest.

I took a little journey to the unknown (4.1k | Teen) Hurt Eddie, dreams, medical inaccuracies, holding hands, love confessions

Eddie groans, his tongue feels too big for his mouth and his thoughts are moving slowly, like they’re trying to wade through pudding and getting stuck on the way to his mouth.

“I-it’s okay, you don’t have to talk,” Buck says and the comforting warmth is back on Eddie’s hand. The only thought that rings clearly through his head is that Buck’s hand is safe. Buck is going to keep him safe. “Just - can you squeeze my hand if you’re awake?”

That feels nearly impossible, his body feels like lead, heavy and useless, but for Buck he can try. He focuses and squeezes as tightly as he can - it’s not very tight, but that doesn’t seem to matter when Buck lets out a long breath and then a choked sob.

no pressure tagging @inell @rosieposiepuddingnpie @queerdiazs @thekristen999 @glorious-spoon

@jeeyuns @vanmarkus @actualalligator @elvensorceress @sibylsleaves

@rainbow-nerdss @organizedstardust @spotsandsocks @shitouttabuck @generatorkitty

@hawkbutt @jesuisici33 @cal-daisies-and-briars @bekkachaos @cranberrymoons @diazsdimples

@devirnis @daffi-990 @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @honestlydarkprincess

@lonelychicago @monsterrae1 @dangerpronebuddie

[suzukiblu]

Why did i only just now learn you were doing 30 days of think pink? oh right bc tumblr decided to hide all of it behind a mature content label 😡 anyways I just caught up from where I left of...in june 2024 and I read until the End of That Scene. fucking cliffhangers, man

ok followup thoughts: kon is actually just as crazy as I would be if I had been repressing my feelings about my best friend for most of a decade and we had saved each others lives countless times. And also I died, got forgotten, and came back to the narrative to find out that my best friend was bi now. with a boyfriend. but tim might be crazier. what do you mean my best friend who I was repressing feelings for for most of a decade is into gay sex now because of a plot rock? Is he going to be straight again after this?!? I can have him, but only for one weekend? My best friend is into every fantasy I can throw at him but there's a time limit. that man (tim) can't stop thinking about the implications even when the best boy is in his bed. No wonder he colored look all I'm saying is that if there exists an outtakes chapter with Tim's perspective of any of this I want to see it

rUDE, Tumblr, jfc.

I will say the "mature" label def does seem to cause some issues that way, because I feel like at least sometimes it just doesn't even show the posts as a thing you CAN choose to expand on? idk if that's a filter thing or just a hellsite thing, admittedly, god knows, hah.

. . . so like, you are objectively correct about everyone's crazy and also I understand the desire for that outtake chapter concept, but I am PRETTY sure that if I wrote Tim's perspective of any of "think pink" whatsoever it would take another 50k to get through literally just the phone call, ahahahaha.

Tim Drake has so much crazy to hide and so much to contain over this long weekend and he is CERTAINLY having some THOUGHTS, and then also is having to deal with Kon, like, being into or ASKING for those thoughts, occasionally unprompted!! FREQUENTLY unprompted, in fact!!!!

Also, like:

"oh, Kon's into D/s too.

oh, Kon's a sub, that's convenien--

. . . oh, Kon's REALLY into D/s too.

. . . . . . oh.

. . . . . . . . . O H ."

That was CERTAINLY a thought process that Tim Drake got to experience in real time. It certainly, certainly was.

[thenightshadowqueen]

Top ten SFTH character couples

(in my biased opinion)

Okay, first of all I’m so sorry to anyone who followed me for anything other than Shoot from the Hip content; I swear I’ll put in more variety. Someday. (Also go check out Shoot from the Hip.) Second of all, I did not join Tumblr with the intention of making a bunch of lists, but they’re fun to write and people seem to enjoy them, so here goes.

10. Justin x the Beetroots MC (headcanon)

Listen, I do NOT condone the whole “if they’re bullying you, that means they like you” bullshit. That being said, years and years later, after both of them have grown as people, I think they could have a really sweet relationship, at least after they work through everything.

9. André Beetroot x Xavier (canon, somehow)

I kind of ship this in a joking way, but also kind of not? They make sense together in a really weird, fucked-up way, and I’m so here for it. (I cannot believe that they’ve canonically hooked up. Multiple times. I love AJ so much for giving us this.)

8. Andrew x Nigel (headcanon)

It’s so toxic. It’s so toxic, and I know that, and it would never be okay in real life, but some dark part of me is really fascinated by the possibilities. (I cannot emphasise enough how much I am intrigued by this in FICTION ONLY.)

7. Jack and Jackie (canon)

Complete turnaround from the last two, but these two are genuinely so sweet. I honestly don’t even have much to say about them, but I love them. So much.

6. François x Mimi (canon)

They are so toxic. They’re horrible people, and they only make each other worse. And I love it. (You know, making this list did make me worry about my mental health slightly. Just slightly.)

5. Toby x the meth wife (canon)

First of all, this is the gayest straight-presenting relationship I’ve ever seen, and I love it. (I totally headcanon them both as bi/pan/queer/etc., but that’s not the point of this post.) And honestly, they’re so supportive of each other. They’re, like, genuinely a healthy couple (in a SFTH play? Can you imagine?). They have so much love for each other, and I could talk about them all day, but I’m fairly sure no one needs that, so I’ll stop.

4. Andrews x Betruva (headcanon)

Listen, I might be a little biased because they’re new, but they kind of have everything I look for in a ship. They have millennia of history, which is always a good start. They’re ancient nemeses. They founded a church named after them both???? Honestly how much more gay can you get?

3. Esmerelda x the vampire slayer (canon)

I like to imagine that Esmeralda survived, and they fall in love, and they have to work through the trauma of the slayer (I think I saw the fanon name Samantha? But I’m not sure) trying to kill Esmeralda. There’s just so much angst potential, and oh, now I want to write a fanfic.

2. Bubba x Jeramiah (canon)

They’re a fucking classic, okay, and they’re a classic for a reason. They are the best gay cowboys, and I love them so much. I know I should have more to say, but I feel like it would just be incoherent screaming.

1. Derek x Titch (canon)

Listen, who else could it be? They are so fundamentally amazing. It’s a classic case of “he fell first, he fell harder” (even if we don’t get to see a lot of the “he fell harder” part, I believe it with all my heart). I love Titch working though his issues and learning to open up, and I love Derek being so helplessly in love with him. I love them so much, and they deserve the top spot.

[cha-melodius]

Fic Fest!!

You know it’s gonna be FirstPrince … and I need that Kennedy Garden AU!

Congrats on your 100th work!! You’re an incredible writer and person and I feel quite fortunate to know you.

(Thank you for this lovely prompt Sam!! I'm sorry this took forever, but I hope you enjoy this AU!)

Flowers Only Grow Where There Are Seeds

(T, 4k, read it below or on AO3)

“Are you watching that guy like a weirdo creep again?” June asks, too close to his ear, and Alex jumps a fucking mile.

“I’m not being a weirdo creep,” he huffs, folding his arms over his chest as he steps away from the window overlooking the Kennedy Gardens.

June gives him a look. “But you are watching him.”

“I was just— I was walking by and I happened to notice him, and—”

“You should go talk to him,” June interrupts blithely, already sauntering away.

“What? No,” Alex scoffs.

“Why not? He’d probably be flattered he caught the attention of the First Son.”

“He’s working, June,” Alex says. “He doesn’t want to be bothered.”

June shrugs. “Suit yourself.”

~~~~~

Alex doesn’t know exactly what about the gardener first caught his attention. Maybe it was the fact that he was younger than a lot of the other people who were employed to work on the landscaping at the White House—Alex’s age, or thereabouts. Maybe it was the way he was always still somehow so pale after working in the sun all day. Maybe it was the fact that he could have been a model, with his long legs and swooping cheekbones and full lips, and yet he was spending his days clipping bushes and digging up bulbs.

Actually, all of that’s a lie: Alex knows exactly when the gardener caught his attention.

It had been an abnormally warm early spring day, and he’d been pacing in front of a bank of windows as he tried to wrestle his ideas into something that might resemble a coherent essay for one of his classes. He wasn’t even looking out at the gardens, not really, but a flash of movement caught his eye and drew him over to the glass. A hose had failed somehow, leaving the man who’d been working with it looking like he was re-enacting Mr. Darcy emerging from the lake (what? June has those movies on all the time, it’s not like it’s his fault if he gets caught up in them sometimes). The gardener had plucked at his thin white shirt as it clung to his torso, revealing a truly breathtaking collection of muscles sculpted by regular manual labor, before he’d finally peeled the whole thing off, taking his dingy ball cap with it.

That was when Alex discovered that they were currently employing what might very well be the most gorgeous man on the planet.

That was also when Alex realized he might be something less than 100% straight. Ok, it had taken some more time after that, and more than a few instances of catching sight of the beautiful gardener again, before he started to understand what he was feeling. He still isn’t really sure if he’s actually bi or just lonely and horny, but that was definitely the start.

He’s well aware of how weird it would be to go hit on the man, for many, many reasons, so he just… appreciates from a distance. It’s fine. In a few months it will be winter again, and Alex probably won’t see him around anymore. He’ll get over his stupid little infatuation on someone he’s never even spoken to, and that will be that.

~~~~~

It’s one of those days, when there’s too much going on and he can’t get Cash to go with him on a run outside of the White House grounds, so Alex just ends up looping endlessly around in little circles on the path around the South Lawn, trying to get out some of the excess energy that’s thrumming in his veins. Eventually, he manages to tire himself out enough and ends up sprawled out on his back behind some bushes in the Children’s Garden, staring up as the clouds drift past. He doesn’t know how long he lies there, only that he still hasn’t quite come back to earth when he hears the sound of footsteps on the nearby path. Probably he should get up, but he can’t really bring himself to care who sees him like this.

That’s before the hot gardener comes around the corner. His light blue button-down shirt is hanging open, thrown loosely over a white tank top that’s smudged with dirt and sweat-darkened at the neckline, and Alex might have fallen over if he wasn’t already on the ground.

“Sorry, I didn’t know anyone was out here,” the gardener says. The accent is a surprise. An extremely sexy surprise. Fuck. “Do you need a hand?”

Alex could use a hand with something, all right. In his own tank top and the running shorts that June says are an inch away from a misdemeanor, he’s really not wearing enough clothing for this. Or maybe he’s wearing too much. Closing his eyes, he forces himself to get a fucking grip before he starts to push up off the ground. The gardener’s proffered hand appears in his line of vision, so he takes it because it would be more awkward not to. It’s warm and dry and rough with callouses that Alex feels no particular way about, and he lets the gardener’s strong grip tug him upward, until he gets his feet under him again.

It’s only then that the gardener seems to clock him. His eyes go wide as they track over Alex’s body and linger on his face. “Oh. You’re…”

Their hands are still clasped together, and Alex tightens his hold around Henry’s. “Alex.”

“Henry,” the gardener says in return as his lips part in a smile, which is devastating, actually.

“Nice to meet you, Henry,” Alex says. He might let a little of the southern drawl slip out, honey smooth. Sue him.

“The pleasure’s all mine,” Henry replies, his rounded vowels dipping low, and ok, he’s a smooth motherfucker too. Alex is officially fucked.

“You’re British.”

Henry laughs, cocking an eyebrow at him. “An astute observation.”

“No I just mean—” Alex cuts himself off and shakes his head. “I didn’t expect it, but I guess it fits.”

“Why?” Henry asks, tipping his head as a little furrow appears between his brows.

Alex bites his lip. “Because everything about you is unexpected, Henry.”

~~~~~

Alex should leave him alone. He should listen to what he told June and not bother a White House employee when he’s working.

The thing about Henry, though, is that he’s ridiculously easy to talk to, and he always seems so pleased to see Alex. It’s impossible to stay away whenever Alex spots him working in the gardens, which is frequently these days. It’s the middle of summer, which means Henry is mostly working in the mornings and evenings when the heat isn’t quite so bad, but occasionally Alex finds him doing something ridiculous like digging a hole to plant a bush in the middle of the day.

As he’s now wont to do, Alex makes his way out to the gardens with a large glass of lemonade. Henry’s entire face lights up when he sees Alex coming, which Alex is sure is less because of him and more the promise of ice cold refreshment. The poor guy is absolutely drenched in sweat, which Alex absolutely is not thinking about licking off his collarbones. As Alex walks up to him, Henry sinks the shovel into the loose dirt and pulls his ball cap off, the muscles of his arms rippling when he pushes a hand through blond hair darkened with sweat. Alex narrowly avoids swallowing his tongue as he hands the glass off, and when their fingers brush, Alex feels the contact tingling in his fingertips long after Henry’s pulled away.

And that’s before Henry tips his head back and takes a long drink of the lemonade, the muscles of his throat working as he swallows. Thank fuck it’s hot outside, because Alex is sweating like he’s the one who’s been working in the sun for hours.

Somehow, he manages to regain his faculties for conversation by the time Henry’s finished the lemonade, and they fall into their usual easy banter as Henry works. (Alex once offered to help out, feeling bad for standing around while Henry was sweating his ass off, and Henry had laughed and laughed and told him that he’d be fired if he let the First Son do his job for him.) They talk about everything and nothing—about movies and music, about the best food trucks that frequent the area around the mall, about what Alex has been up to during the summer, about the many projects always going on in the gardens.

“How’d you end up working here, anyway?” Alex asks from where he’s reclining in the shade, plucking bits of grass out of the lawn and tearing them apart.

“It’s a long story,” Henry grunts as he shovels. “I moved to the US for a fresh start. The gardening, I sort of fell into. I needed a job, and I always liked working with my hands. I’m certain that my friend sent me this listing as a joke because I—” His voice fails as his eyes cut over to Alex, then drop quickly to the ground again. He clears his throat. “Well. It’s not important. But I decided to apply anyway. I think Rodolfo thought I was having him on when I showed up at the interview, but he must have seen something in me.” Henry huffs a laugh. “Or maybe I was the only one who passed all the frankly mental background checks that were required to work at the White House. And now, here I am.”

“You’re my age,” Alex says, squinting at him. “You didn’t go to college?”

“I dropped out of Oxford,” Henry replies simply.

Alex can’t help it; his jaw drops open. “You dropped out of Oxford? What happened? Did you not like it?”

He knows he shouldn’t pry, but he can’t help it. He wants to know everything about Henry.

“I loved it,” Henry says, and there’s a smile on his face but an unmistakably melancholic note in his voice. “I wanted to be a writer. But I couldn’t stay. Not with the pressure from my grandmother and the way she was insistent on ruling my life.” He stops speaking for a long moment, but never pauses in his digging. “Sometimes I think about going back to school eventually. For now, I’m happy with this. I like it. There’s a beautiful simplicity to my life.”

“Wow,” Alex breathes. For once, he doesn’t really know what to say. “I’m sorry that happened to you, Henry. But for what it’s worth… I’m glad you ended up here.”

Henry leans on the shovel, smiling at him. “Me, too.”

~~~~~

Alex is trying to make any kind of sense of a bill that the Republicans are going to try to push through the Senate—don’t ask how he got the draft—when Nora lets herself into his room without so much as a knock.

“Wow, entitled much,” Alex huffs, barely glancing up from his work. At least she brought burritos.

“You invited me here, dumbass,” Nora retorts as she flings herself onto his couch. “Remember? Bisexual awakening movie night? Don’t tell me you forgot about Rick and Evie.”

Alex groans, wiping a hand over his face. “No way it’s fucking Sunday.”

“You’re not serious.”

“I might be.”

“All the more reason you need a break,” Nora tells him firmly. “Your classes don’t start for another week. Why are you working?”

“Because I’m gonna be a senior next year and I have to have something lined up for afterward,” he grumbles.

“I’m sure your mom will give you a job on the campaign,” she says as she finds the remote to his TV and starts navigating through streaming services.

“Maybe I want options. Don’t want everyone to think I’m just a useless nepo baby.”

Nora snorts. “Because I’m sure no one will think your connections got you a job in Rafael Luna’s office.”

“Fuck off,” he groans, turning away from her again. “We’re not talking about this.”

“Ok,” she agrees, too easily. “You got a secret admirer or something? Who sent you those?”

“What?”

“Those,” Nora repeats, gesturing to the small vase full of multicolored roses that’s sitting in front of her on his coffee table. Red, lavender, orange, blue, and even these neat yellow ones tipped with red around the edge of the petals.

“Oh,” Alex says dismissively. “No one sent them. Henry brought them by.”

“Who the fuck is Henry?”

“He’s a gardener who works here.”

“Hold on, the gardener? Your gardener?” she says, sounding too delighted by half. Alex may have talked about him before, once or twice.

Alex huffs and sets his pencil down, turning back to glare at her. “He’s not my gardener. He’s an employee of the White House.”

Nora grins smugly. “He’s the one you’ve got a crush on, though.”

“I don’t—” He breaks off with a frustrated grunt. “We’re not having this conversation, either.”

“And he brought you flowers,” she continues, ignoring him.

“It doesn’t mean anything. He has to prune the roses so that they keep producing more blooms, and he brought me some extras because I said I liked them one day while I was out in the garden. That’s all.”

That’s what Henry told him when he showed up with the first ones, his face flushed red from being out in the sun. Alex’s heart had done something very fucking complicated in his chest, but he’d accepted them in the spirit with which they were given: as a friendly gesture, and nothing more. The haphazard arrangement is all Alex—Henry brings by a different color almost every day, and Alex adds them in the vase, which is getting rather full.

“That’s all,” Nora scoffs with obvious deep skepticism.

“What?”

“Alex, when a boy gives you roses, it always means something,” she says solemnly. “Did you look up the colors?”

“Huh?” he replies, becoming increasingly lost.

Nora shakes her head at him, like he’s the crazy one. “Different colored roses mean different things. Maybe he’s sending you secret messages.”

Alex snorts dismissively. “Pretty sure they’re just whatever’s blooming in the garden.”

“If you say so,” she says, sounding extremely unconvinced. “Can we watch the movie now?”

“Please.”

~~~~~

By the time November rolls around, the gardens are looking pretty dire. Alex never really took notice of what was going on before this year—the plants were just there, in the background, and sometimes it was more colorful than others. Now, though, he notices. Notices the autumn flowers as they come into bloom and die back, notices the trees dropping their leaves, notices the bushes getting thin and scraggly. Henry’s still been around, working in jackets and hoodies as the temperature dips, but between the lessened need for garden care and Alex’s punishing course load, they haven’t seen each other as much. Alex pretends like he doesn’t know that’s why he gets unaccountably grumpy sometimes.

Today he’s on a mission, though, and after confirming that Henry was on the work schedule, Alex scours the grounds until he finds Henry by the tennis court, trimming some bushes. There’s a biting chill in the air, and Henry is bundled up, his nose and cheeks red from the cold. He seems surprised but pleased to see Alex, and Alex bites down on a too-large grin as he holds out the envelope he’d brought with him.

“What’s this?” Henry asks, pulling off his work gloves before he takes it and carefully breaks the seal.

Alex shifts nervously and jams his hands in his pants pockets so he doesn’t fidget. “It’s an invitation. To our big New Year’s party? You’ve probably heard about it.”

“I’m familiar, yes,” Henry says dryly, smirking a little as he glances up from the embossed paper. “But I was under the impression seats were thousands of dollars and reserved for the who’s who of America’s hot young glitterati.”

“First off, you’re young and hot, and it doesn’t matter if you’re not rich,” Alex says, pretending that he didn’t just call Henry hot to his face. Whatever. It’s an objective truth. “We waive the seat cost when there’s someone we really want to come that can't afford it.”

“And you really want me to come,” Henry surmises, still looking vaguely amused by the situation.

Fuck it. “Yes,” Alex answers firmly.

Henry looks back down at the invitation, trailing a finger over the engraving. “I can afford it,” he mutters.

“What?”

“I said, I can afford it,” Henry repeats as he meets Alex’s eyes again. “I know I don’t look it most days, but I have a rather large inheritance that I’m delighted to spend on good causes.”

Alex blinks. He knew Henry’s family back in England was wealthy, but he kind of assumed that after Henry dropped out and moved across an ocean to work as a gardener, he wasn’t in the same boat. “Oh,” he breathes. “Well, you can certainly donate if you want.”

“I do,” Henry confirms. He taps on the invitation with a finger. “It says here I get a plus one.”

Alex’s heart plummets to somewhere near the Earth’s core. Of course Henry has someone. He’s young and hot and amazing, and it’s frankly ridiculous to think he wouldn’t already have a significant other. Or maybe there’s someone he wants to impress—an invite to the year’s biggest party would do wonders. Alex is just the guy that pesters him while he’s working. He never had a shot.

“Yeah,” he manages, cursing the way the word croaks out of his throat. “Of course. It’s, ah, standard, I guess, so if you want to bring someone…”

Henry just smiles at him. “Wonderful.”

~~~~~

Alex stares up at the stars, watching as the cloud of his breath briefly obscures them, making them twinkle before it dissipates. It’s freezing out here, especially after being in the heat generated by the crush of bodies at the party, but for once, Alex appreciates that. He takes another breath, letting the cold air flowing into his lungs numb the ache in his chest.

The crunch of footsteps on the frosted lawn draws his attention, and he looks over to see Henry hovering nearby, still nothing short of stunning in his clean black tux.

He’d arrived with an ostentatiously dressed man he introduced as his best mate Pez, which was a fucking trip because of course Alex had heard of Percy Okonjo. Pez was charming and handsome and immediately the life of the party, but Alex couldn’t tear his eyes away from Henry. Saying he cleaned up well would be a trite cliche, but fuck if it wasn’t true; he looked more like a prince or a movie star than the boy with dirt ground into the creases of his hands that Alex knows. Alex had been buoyed for a while by the fact that Henry had not brought a date with him, but as midnight crept closer, his spirits had started sinking again.

The Kennedy Gardens had seemed like a safe place to retreat. He should have known better. 

“I’m fairly certain the host isn’t supposed to hide from the party,” Henry teases gently, a tentative smile playing on his lips.

“I’m only one of three. June and Nora have it on lock,” Alex replies with a sigh. “Sorry for leaving you to the wolves though.”

“It’s fine,” Henry says, shaking his head as he walks a little closer. “Believe it or not, this isn’t my first time at this kind of soirée.”

Alex snorts at that. “Oh, a soirée. Aren’t you fancy?”

“Says the man in a velvet tuxedo.”

“Touché,” Alex returns. His smile falters a little as he stares back up at the stars. “I needed a break. Don’t get me wrong, I usually fucking thrive at these things, but sometimes being ‘on’ all the time starts to wear on you, you know?”

“Why do you think I’m a gardener?” Henry says wryly.

“Fair enough,” Alex says with a puff of laughter. “I just… needed a moment to myself, I guess.”

“I shouldn’t intrude, then,” Henry replies softly, already stepping backwards.

“No,” Alex blurts, probably too desperately, but he couldn’t care less about that if it means Henry won’t leave. “I mean, you don’t have to go. I don’t mind the company. When it’s you.”

Henry halts in his tracks, his eyes going wide. “Oh.”

Thankfully, he stops trying to leave and instead comes closer, until he’s right next to Alex, a few bare, aching inches separating their shoulders. For a moment they both just stand there staring up at the sky, until the champagne soaking Alex’s brain gets the better of him.

“If I’m being honest, I wasn’t so excited to count down to the New Year.”

Henry shifts a little to face him more directly. “No?”

Alex shrugs. “The winter’s one thing when you’ve got the holidays to look forward to, but after tonight, it’s nothing but cold and gray. Everything’s dead and brown, and it’ll be months until things are growing again, and you won’t be around…”

He trails off slightly too late to save himself. Whatever. He’s allowed to say he’s going to miss seeing a friend. He stares fixedly up at the sky, resolutely refusing to look at whatever Henry’s face is doing, but then Henry moves to stand in front of him, and he has little choice but to meet those gorgeous blue eyes. They’re crinkled slightly in amusement, but not unkindly.

Fond, he thinks distantly. Henry looks fond.

“Let me make sure I have this right,” Henry says carefully. “You’re out here pouting tonight because you think this is the last time you’re going to see me until spring?”

Alex huffs out a laugh and looks down, feeling his face heat. “I mean, I don’t know if I’d put it that way.”

“You’re wrong about some things, love,” Henry replies, inching closer. Moving slowly, he reaches out to slide a hand onto Alex’s waist, the mere pressure of it lighting a fire under Alex’s skin even as Alex trembles involuntarily under his touch. Then he looks out at the gardens. “They’re not dead. A bit dormant, perhaps, but still in need of care. And I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re not?” Alex asks breathlessly.

Henry shakes his head. “There’s plenty to do over the winter. Planning, cleaning, prepping the beds… Rodolfo has plenty to keep us busy. I’ll admit, I was intending on taking some time off, but you certainly won’t get rid of me that easily.”

Alex feels like he’s fucking flying, or would be if Henry’s steady presence wasn’t tethering him to the ground. He’s shifted even closer now, nearly pressing Alex back against the tree, and Alex lifts his arms to loop loosely over Henry’s shoulders as he lets a pleased grin curl onto his lips. “There aren’t any roses, though.”

“I’ll buy you roses, you absolute menace,” Henry huffs, but he’s smiling too broadly to sell being put out about it.

“I have another confession,” Alex breathes into the rapidly vanishing space between their lips. “I also ran away because I wanted to kiss you at midnight, but I couldn’t.”

Henry pauses, pulling back a little, though he thankfully doesn’t let go. “Ah. I understand if you can’t afford the questions—”

“No, that’s not it. I don’t care who knows. I mean, I should probably make a plan for officially coming out, but that’s not why,” Alex jumps in before he can get anything else out, because it’s important that Henry knows.

Alex isn’t ashamed and he doesn’t want to hide but, like so many things in his life, it’s not that simple. He takes a deep breath, forcing his jumbled thoughts into something that makes sense, which is no mean feat when he’s tipsy and his arms are full of a very handsome gardener who he’d much rather be kissing.

“It’s a lot, being in the public eye the way I am, and I couldn’t ask that of you,” Alex says as he stares fixedly at Henry’s tie. It’s got little yellow roses on it, and he can’t resist dropping a hand down to run a finger down the silk. “You like your quiet life.”

“I like it,” Henry murmurs. He lifts a hand to Alex’s chin, his fingers icy cold on Alex’s overheated skin, and nudges Alex’s face up so that their eyes meet. “I like you more.”

“Oh,” Alex breathes.

“Now, about that New Year’s kiss…”

Henry is biting his lip, looking hopeful and coy all at once as he stares down at Alex through pale lashes, and Alex… can’t believe this is his life, actually. He’s going to enjoy it while it lasts, though—just them, in the garden that brought them together, and a kiss that holds as much endless potential as the plants around them. Not fragile but resilient, perennial, ready to grow and bloom into something truly incredible.

[bidisasterevankinard]

Not even close to 7 sentence sunday

i have plot and some sentences that I was quick to imagine for my fratboys bucktommy au, but ofc it might be editing when I'll write the whole thing still i need opinion on this part(again not really bucktommy)

“So, you bang both girls and guys?” The guy, Sal, who Buck already during his first shift pinned as a jerk, definitely just proved that he is right. 

“Sal!” Hen hits the man’s shoulder, and Buck smiles at her with a slight nod in appreciation, but he knows how to fight his fights against the type like this one.

“What? I'm just curious,” Sal says it with the same assholish manner and Buck just rolls his eyes. He looks at Buck with the challenge and Buck will not let this idiot win. He is not ashamed of himself and he will not let anyone try to make him ashamed. 

“Yes. I bang both,” Buck sips the coffee Hen bought him, making a mental note to say sorry to her, Chim and Bobby, and even Tommy, for the way he behaves now, but he should say it to shut this guy.  

He looks Sal straight in the eyes and smirks.

“Even tho, most of the time I prefer guys to bang me. Or girls. Or anyone who wants to actually,” Buck licks his lips and leans closer to man, using his best charming lower voice, in which sarcasm is heard, and smiles, not forgetting batting his eyelashes. “Wanna try as it's our day off tomorrow and you're so interested? I’ll even ride you so you don’t have to do a lot of work.”

Tommy chokes on his food and Bobby and Chim hit him on the back, while they are like Hen laugh so hard Buck’s sure they can start crying.

Sal the one who looks pretty angry, clenching his jaw so that Buck can hear his teeth sliding against each other. Buck loves the face Sal makes. The jerk knows he lost and Buck is too smug. Buck 1, Sal 0.

When laughter dies and Tommy stops coughing the pasta Bobby made, Sal makes the worst fake smile.

“Nah, I'm not that interested. You are definitely not my time. I like chicks,” the man says it like he is the best guy ever and any woman should be happy he looked at her. Buck just rolls his eyes again and he smiles at Hen who does the same.

It was such a weak come back, Buck barely contains his laugh. 

“Yeah, I had enough guys who said that they only like girls. And you know what? They really liked fuck me so I can't walk for at least half a day after or cried in pleasure under me, begging me to fuck them harder and deeper. So never say never, sweety,” Buck blows the kiss into Sal’s direction and decides to make himself useful. “Now if your ‘cool straight guy’ questioning of bi guy is done, I'm gonna go and clean the truck.”

He sends a fake polite smile to Sal, and then real apologetic to everyone in the room and goes away from the loft.

I was tagged by @wikiangela @dangerpronebuddie @daffi-990

@watchyourbuck @rogerzsteven @tizniz @theotherbuckley @pirrusstuff @saybiwithme @spotsandsocks @devirnis @diazsdimples @fortheloveofbuddie @hippolotamus @cal-daisies-and-briars @bibuckbuckley @bi-buckrights @bewilderedbuckley @neverevan @monsterrae1 @rainbow-nerdss and anyone who wants too

[thetommoway-oioii]

Rant Time™ !!!

so i recently became invested in the 9-1-1 universe. not gonna lie I started with lone star because tk and carlos kept popping up all over my feeds everywhere with their wedding pics and of-fucking-course I immediately looked up the show because I'm not gonna pass up any canon queer rep?? hello!! anyway this ain't about tarlos. after I was done with lone star I started interacting with stuff from that fandom and came to find that one of the characters from the main show recently came out as bi and boy oh boy was I excited as fuck. two days later I'm starting my 9-1-1 binge. I knew absolutely nothing about the characters, storyline or the show except what I saw in the crossover episode and I was so pleasantly surprised that there's already canon queer rep present from the beginning of the show!!! (shout out to henren and michaeldavid absolute legends)

anyway I keep getting sidetracked, what I'm here to rant about is how fucking dumb some of the new watchers like me are?!! I had no idea how this t*mmy person was because all I knew was a gif of him kissing buck. you can imagine my surprise when I first saw him in the flashbacks and found out what an absolute dickwad he used to be?!?! and I could not believe that buck was gonna kiss this dude in the future. there was no fucking way. either there was gonna be a huge redemption character arc or something or he'll have a fuckin twin or something cause no chance they're setting future buck up with this asshole.

anyway lo and behold s2 comes around and in comes eddie diaz with this big brown eyes and slutty tank top and of course I knew who eddie was. come on now be for real. I might have not been a part of the fandom before but there's no way you can exist on tumblr and not know who eddie and buck were. and like any other shipping-prone fan, I thought people were setting buddie up based on subtle sterek-esque subtext but imagine my surprise when slowly throughout the show they became deancas-esque obvious. the connection they developed, the trust, the bond. how they found home and family and sense of belonging and safety in each other. how eddie and chris and buck himself baby trapped himself. I was so sure that buddie would eventually become canon in s7 because there's no other way right. maybe the the whole BT thing was some weird profound realization moment for buck or something.

back to the point. what I'm mad about is how the new watchers are completely Ignoring clear signs of buddie and on top of that shaming or right out calling the buddie shippers crazy all the while blindly supporting a character that is clearly a Major Fucking Dickwad from the beginning. making excuses like he was figuring himself out in the past or he's canonly queer while eddie clearly isn't. as if T*mmy figuring himself out excuses him being a shit person or the literal fact that just because eddie has not come out yet he's not queer. buck was straight UNTIL he came out as bi. anyway that's mostly all I wanted to say. yes I started the show because of a BT kiss gif but once I actually watched the show, it was easy to figure out what was right in front of me.

I urge new watchers like me to take the time and really understand and watch the show and not just look at it from face value or consume information through social media osmosis.

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

30 for the writing ask?

30: describe a fic that almost happened, but then didn't.

Whilst away from my computer and therefore all my WIPs, I started a little one shot titled "Who the Hill?" and actually the premise is easier to explain by just giving you what I wrote for the fic before I abandoned it lol!

The bass thud of the club rattles Jason's sternum and thrums through his organs pleasantly as he surveys the rest of the room from his spot in the corner. He's not really looking for anything in particular, just too in the habit of counting exits and tracking glasses to stop even when he's just here to be around other people having fun.

Then he sees Tim - or well maybe that isn't Tim - or no that is absolutely, definitely Tim - but probably Tim's not the right name for the spike and chain adorned person leaned against the bar with the dark, expressive makeup, the short, black skirt, and the high heel boots.

Then he's caught staring and (Not?) Tim's eyes go wide in what looks like fear and ah shit, there's no way he she was ready to come out to him, but hey, he can be cool, he can roll with this and make sure she knows he's not gonna be a prick about it.

Tim watches Jason approach with absolute dread, because he never, EVER wanted to have to explain the whole 'hi, I'm bi and I love the way my ass looks in a mini-skirt' thing to the most depressingly unavailable straight guy he's ever met. He braces for simply the most awkward 'so is this a sex thing?' conversation ever held between two vigilantes.

Instead though, Jason surprises him, "Sorry for putting you on the spot like this, but can I ask for your name?"

Tim blinks and realizes that between the makeup and the breast forms there's a very good chance Jason has no idea who he is! In fact he probably only intended to chat up some cute goth girl, and if he can manage to play along right he might get out of this with his secret intact!

He pitches his voice up a bit and hopes to god that feminine cadence and the loud music carries him, "Carolina, but you can call me Carol if you like."

"Cool! I dig the spikes by the way," Jason smiles like Carolina's name is some beautiful treasure he's been allowed to glimpse and the dread comes right back up as Tim realizes that he's somehow going to have to find it in himself to turn Jason down.

He ought to do it right now. He ought to tell Jason he's an awfully polite guy but she's already late to go home and dropped her phone in the harbor and is currently walking out the door-

[That paragraph's phrasing was inspired by this song hehehe]

But right now Tim is a weak, weak man, who chooses to pluck at Jason's jacket flirtily, "Thanks, I dig the leather and the white streak! You dye it like that?"

Jason gives him the most adorable deer-in-headlights expression back, "Uh, it's um, it's actually a cold brand? You can kinda see the scar around it if you look close."

"Wait like, liquid nitrogen and metal- deliberately?"

"I mean I dyed it the once, but then uh..." He trails awkwardly with a shrug, "I like it. Nice not to have to do anything more to keep it there. Kinda annoying it doesn't keep any other colors, but, ya'know." Another awkward shrug.

"Huh," He'd always assumed Jason just came back with it, but it being an injury instead actually makes a lot of sense? Was it really deliberate though or was he just saying that? "That's pretty fuckin hardcore."

Jason smiles again, feeling warm at all the compliments, and then internally panics.

Tim Carol is flirting with him probably?! That was not- did he say something weird? How did he come off like... And even if he did how the fuck is he supposed to handle this??

She's a girl, and he's very gay.

It feels sort of awful and cruel to think that he might fall out of love with her just because she changed a few words and her shape. Are human hearts really so fickle that the same person in a different cloth cannot be loved the same way?

At the same time though, Jason has historically been a solid six on the kinsey scale and he's sadly gotta admit the boobs are really not doing it for him. But maybe the above the belt feelings will stay? Is that how this works?? Or maybe he can just kinda... Coach himself through moving to a kinsey five???

He nervously fidgets with his hands and tries looking at her legs. He usually really likes Carol's legs and wants to do all kinds of things with them, and legs are things most people have regardless of gender... He attempts to force himself to focus on all the same features he usually likes, but it's just not the same with the heels and the skirt. The spark is gone.

This is so fucking stupid. He's stupid. This isn't how anything works and he should know it, and maybe he even does know it...

He just can't bring himself to give up on this, though. He's never had a crush reciprocate anything before, and now the world demands that he breaks both their hearts over basically nothing?!

He can't and he won't and he fucking refuses!

[Lots more awkward and not so awkward flirting flipping between their perspectives. Tim enjoying the power trip of turning Jason into a nervous mess just by being fem, thinking it's newly realized attraction that Jason can't normally feel towards him, and Jason panicking about whether or not he can be attracted to her at all. This goes on until they leave so Tim/Carol can catch his/her taxi]

Tim glances out at the road, and prepares to rip his own heart out by giving him a fake number, "Hey, um, I kinda ordered a taxi like before I even went out, so... text me?"

"Yeah sure, I've still got your number, and I'll see you back at the cave tomorrow anyways."

Tim, half turned away, goes rigid, "When the fuck did you figure out who I am?"

"What? Who the fuck else would I think you were?"

"A woman!"

"But like, you are a woman though??"

Tim stares at him, baffled, until the taxi driver leans on the horn and he decides to have this conversation on the way home. He grabs Jason by the wrist and hauls him into the car.

Jason hiss-whispers, "Wait are you in disguise right now? Did you just fucking use me for a case?!"

"No!" Tim hisses back while slamming the door shut behind him, "No, it's unfortunately infinitely more stupid and embarrassing for me!"

"Then...?" Jason gives him a confused gesture to spit it out already.

"I'm a crossdresser. My name's not any different. I'm not a woman. I'm sorry, I swear I didn't mean to lead you on, I just didn't know what the fuck to do when you came up to me asking for my fucking name."

And that's as far as I got before I abandoned it!

The problem I had with it and the reason I'm never gonna finish it is because there's not really a way to resolve the core tension/conflict that would be satisfactory to me. I need to emphasize here that I don't care about trying to find some kind of """"morally correct"""" way to end it, I just mean personally satisfying for me; any of the possible ways to end it would be morally fine, they just also all make me feel bad lmao

So like obviously the original resolution to the miscommunication was that Tim was a cis dude who just happened to be into dressing up in girly clothes and enjoying men's attention that way. That part on its own would be good, but it does mean that the moment of resolution from Jason's perspective comes out to being "Oh thank goodness you're not trans/not a woman/not a trans woman" and I don't feel great about that. Again, not a morals thing, it'd just leave a bad taste in my mouth.

My second idea was to have Tim realize he might be non-binary/a woman via Jason treating him like a woman and being so accepting of her. As a gay trans man who likes to cross dress in order to enjoy men's attention, this would give me bone dissolving levels of dysphoria!

There was also the problem of how to resolve Jason's sexuality.

As a gay man who spent many, many years of my life attempting to convince myself I was bisexual, any version of making Jason bisexual would give me bone dissolving levels of dysphoria! But like sexuality dysphoria instead of gender dysphoria. It would also eliminate an important source of narrative tension and character motivation.

The traditional version of keeping him gay would mean that Jason turns Carolina/Tim down altogether, which would break Jason's heart, and break Carolina's heart, and break my heart, and also turn the reveal into "it's a tragedy that you're trans/a woman/a trans woman". Infinite pain for zero gain!

I'd actually love to have Jason simply want to try being sexually intimate with an enby/woman Tim and have him decide he likes it even though he's still gay and still not attracted to Carolina/Tim at all. The experiences of sex having ace folks and people who have sex with people they aren't attracted to are really interesting to me and I'd love to explore that - if there was a bit more room to explore it right. This is a tiny one shot. I don't feel like I could properly convey that without putting in way more time and effort than I have to spare on this side project.

I MIGHT someday be convinced to finish this for a few different reasons, but for the forseeable future it won't be worked on. I have SO MANY PROJECTS that are better, more interesting, less awkward to handle, and already half published, like I got better things to do lol, so for now this is the one that got away.

In the meantime though: Please steal this!! If you find the premise interesting, especially if any of the versions that would give me bone dissolving dysphoria appeal to you, please take my words and write more onto them! I'd love to see some version of this finished someday, and I don't mind if someone (or several someones!) end up doing it instead of me, just lemme know if you do and throw a lil bit of credit my way and it's all good :3

[one-squash-one-end]

>1.6k words on bi Gansey

Hi! This belongs to my big Raven Cycle analysis, click here for the masterpost.

Today we are diving into all the reasons why I think Gansey is a bi king (and then some more). Enjoy!

(I think there might be mild spoilers up to trk, nothing too bad though, more character interactions than plot)

b) Gansey

Alright hear me out. This man. There is nothing this rich boy can do to beat the fruit allegations. He is a bi king, through and through. Everyone but him knows, including you, because what I have to say is the absolute truth and I am great at convincing. I once saw a tumblr post that said “Gansey has to physically restrain himself from kissing all his friends” and there has never been anything more true.

And it’s important to note that this is really not only reader interpretation. Or, at least, reader interpretation includes other character’s interpretations, which are sometimes incredibly straight(lol)forward.

After doing Adam a big favor, Gansey’s sister Helen (who is aro-ace btw, because I said so) immediately assumes he is sleeping with him, which is a conclusion she jumped to way too quickly if Gansey has never previously shown any interest in Adam or other boys. Like, she seems to know him quite well, and for her to just think he’s in a relationship with Adam says a lot about the homoeroticism prevalent in Gansey’s friendships with both Adam and also Ronan.

Because then we have Kavinsky, another canonically queer character, who thus might arguably have some sort of gaydar, assuming Ronan and Gansey are in a romantic (but most of all, sexual) relationship. Admittedly, this has largely to do with Kavinsky assuming things about Ronan and his sexuality, as is explicitly mentioned in the book. However, you can very easily speculate about someone’s sexuality without knowing their (previous) partners, if there have been any at all, so to correctly believe Ronan is gay does not have to randomly entail relationship speculations. So somewhere, even from not interacting with them so much, Kavinsky must have gotten that idea. That somewhere is the deep affection the two of them share, which is absolutely palpable for everyone around. Yes, I know their relationship is described as brotherly (please note I do not condone incest!), but also somewhere within “they’re bros” lies the implication they are gay. Two bros chilling in a hot tub. They’re having a bromance. Let bros kiss.

Another person who seems to believe in a Gansey romance above bromance is Henry, who at that point of book three had only interacted with him at school very superficially. We can assume the way Gansey behaves with Adam and Ronan at school is very much homoerotic, or elsewise Henry would have no reason to be surprised about seeing Gansey with Blue (“a chick”). He can’t be surprised about Gansey pulling… someone, considering he is apparently super good-looking, he just never had reason to assume Gansey was anything but achillean.

Now this was mostly people who don’t know Gansey that well, or at least people not part of the inner circle, so it can’t mean that much, right? Surely there would not be anyone who truly, deeply knows Gansey, who would assume he is queer. Right? Wrong. I have since forgotten the context of that quote, but Adam, someone who is very close to both of them, thinks that Ronan and Gansey could date. Make of that what you will, but I will it to be homoerotic subtext. (Or text, as what Adam says is what he says, no room for interpretation there.)

Lastly, Adam’s father called him the f-slur. Ok, I will admit that it’s not completely confirmed to be that, but what else would a censored word with f stand for? Again, it’s hard to tell, because my two options would be the slur and just straight-up “fucker”, but both “f*g” and “fuck” are used directly in the following books. The f-slur was used directly in Ronan’s narrative though, in that of a character who talks very obscenely in general, so I have no trouble believing Gansey just wouldn’t have wanted to repeat that word, especially if it’s just a memory.

The line between romantic and platonic interactions is thin enough in this series as it is, but Gansey seems to blur it especially. I am going to touch on that at a later point, but platonic affection is given a very important role, so much that in some parts it carries as much significance as romantic actions do (as it should- relationship anarchy rules), if not more. With Gansey that seems to be especially strong, a lot of the things he does with his friends seeming romantic.

First of all, he is co-parenting with Ronan. Yes, it is a bird, but Ronan loves her like a human daughter so the point stands. The two of them even squabble about it like an old married couple, Gansey’s legendary “this is exactly why I didn’t want to have a baby with you” speaks for itself.

Then there is the insomnia quality time, as I like to call it. We, as the readers, are probably supposed to focus on the late night phone calls and drives with Blue, the fact that “she makes [him] quiet”, and that he can sleep after talking to her. But what I find equally important is the time he spends with Ronan at Monmouth during those sleepless nights, them getting orange juice at three a.m. While it might not be something super comforting that makes them both fall asleep, this routine they seem to have fallen into, just spending time while not expecting anything from the other, is something that means a lot to me; they are very much giving platonic soulmates, but also what if they kissed?

Of course I cannot not mention “While I’m gone, dream me the world. Something new for every night.” That boy is being unnecessarily dramatic about going away for literally one weekend. And why? Because “they had been a two-headed creature for so long, Ronan-and-Gansey. He couldn’t say it, though. There were a thousand reasons why he couldn’t say it.” What are those reasons though? Is it because he is actually in love with Ronan but admitting to that would make the friendship super fucking awkward so he whips out a dramatic, half-romantic metaphor quote? Yeah, that makes total sense.

Staying on my Ronsey bullshit, let’s not forget the glorious, deleted pool table scene. In case you are not familiar with it, or have forgotten the way it sounds (probably the reason it was deleted), I’ll just let two quotes speak for themselves. “There was something suggestive about how [Ronan] wore the suit” Oh yes, of course there was. Sometimes you wear clothing with a certain intention, and in Ronan’s case, that intention is to be bent over the pool table by Gansey. This becomes even clearer here: “Gansey was well aware that Ronan rather fancied the way he looked while he played pool, and the way he reached across the felt now, intentional and elegant and coiled, indicated that he was fancying himself at this very moment.” Once again, everything is super intentional, and Gansey wants to fuck him so badly. Not even kidding at this point, the way Maggie wrote this scene really makes it look like Gansey finds Ronan super hot; even as an aromantic asexual person I have to say, this is a lot more than “bro appreciating his best friend’s glow-up in a completely heterosexual way”. This iconic scene is gay brainrot, which is exactly why we did not get to experience this masterpiece within an actual, published book. The Ronsey shippers would have gone too wild.

[Speaking of which, I’d like to clarify that I do not ship Ronsey in the way some other people do, I do prefer them with their canon love interests, however I clearly see the potential of them having had some kind of mutual attraction in the past, I just think it makes the dynamic a lot more fun and interesting, sort of like how Jesper had a crush on Kaz in Six of Crows.]

Gansey has received at least one (1) dick pic of Ronan. The circumstances do not say anything about either Gansey or Ronan, but I think it’s funny, it builds character, so I chose to include it in this.

Perhaps the strongest evidence for him running with the lgbtq+ is the fact that he goes to an all-boys school. Come on, what is he supposed to do, surrounded by all those guys rich enough to afford good haircuts and a private trainer? Should he just not have gay thoughts? Impossible.

Now all this was mostly evidence for Gansey swinging that way, somehow, but of course he’s one of those doors that open both ways. Yes, he has a girlfriend, but there is even more proof for him being specifically m-spec, just you wait. To begin with, apart from his friends Gansey has two true loves. Henrietta (the town with a female name, who his sister refers to as his girlfriend- the same sister who assumes Gansey is sleeping with Adam; Helen is a bi Gansey truther) and Glendower, the dead, male king. Obviously, this is totally serious business. Additionally, I have talked through to a very full extent how he is in love with Ronan, but of course he is also in love with Henry, I do not have to elaborate on this. He is also very much jealous when Blue and Adam are dating, as is described multiple times, but we don’t find out exactly who he is jealous of. Yes, he likes Blue, and he is sad that his best friend is sort of being stolen away etc., but what if he also just wanted to hold hands. With both of them. At once.

It’s not only Gansey being in love with all of them, it’s also all of them being in love with Gansey. His bi swagger. It was this: Blue finding him irresistible. It was this: Ronan wanting to smash his fist through a wall because of how hot Gansey is. It was this: Henry saying Gansey is a “Caucasian with great hair”.

Bi Gansey is the truth and I will defend that until the day I die.

However, I will admit that he is absolutely a cis guy, no question. At no point in his life has he had to be afraid to take up space or anything, but that man supports trans rights of course. He would not wear a crop top on his own, but considering how he is in love with them, Blue, Ronan and Henry could bully him into it and he would rock it.

[triplexdoublex]

Let Go (Chapter 1)

Paring: Jaden Hossler x Landon Barker

Tags/Warnings: blonde Jaden, dual POV , internalized homophobia, homophobia, religious gulit, scent kink, masturbation, mentions of Coopers death,

A/N: Breaking this long ass fic into chapters as requested. Landon’s 20 as this takes place last year.

Landon

Ever since Jaden started working with my dad and signed to his record label, our house has become his second home. And with a new Album in the works, Jaden’s been here more than usual lately, recording with my dad in his home studio until late at night. Most nights after recording he just crashes here. Despite the house having numerous guest rooms, Jaden usually opts for sleeping in my room.

The first time my dad introduced me to Jaden the two of us clicked right away and quickly became best friends, so I don’t mind the company; in fact I might enjoy it a little too much.

Jaden

After a long , but productive day of recording it feels great to just chill and play some video games in Landon’s room before we go to sleep. Landon’s sitting cross-legged on his bed just scrolling through social media, while im sitting at the end of the bed kicking serious ass in Call of Duty. I honestly love that about our friendship, how we can be doing totally different things at times and yet still enjoys eachother’s company. And there’s never any need for annoying small talk or pressure to feel like either of us have to keep the conversation going. But at the same time we can talk to each other about anything and everything. The only other person I was able to do that with was Cooper. Fuck, I miss him, man. His death broke me, and although I’ve been getting help and healing I’m not sure I’ll ever be fully put back together, but I’m trying. It’s part of the reason why I crash in Landon’s room almost every night. Besides it being easier than going back home for the night, staying with Landon makes feel less alone and keeps me from getting lost in own head. He’s been a big help with adjusting to life in LA too, Moving from the south to LA a few years ago was a bit of a culture shock for me, and I don’t know what I would have done without Landon in my life to guide me through it. I seriously love him so much…No Homo. Ugh, I wish I could stop feeling the need to think or say shit like that anytime I compliment or express how much one of my male friends mean to me. Growing up in a Conservative Christian household in Texas and Tennessee will definitely do that to you. I’ve definitely grown as a person and have become more open minded and accepting since moving to LA. I’ve met and worked with some of the coolest people, a lot of which are from the LGBT+ community, including some of my fans—who i adore more than anything. I’m tying my hardest to let go of the homophobic ways of thinking that’s been ingrained in me from my life in the south and Christianity, and for the most part I have. I even joined an inclusive church out here but something about it still makes me uncomfortable for some reason and I can’t quite put my finger on it, and why I have the insitent need to make sure no one assumes or gets the impression that I’m gay, because I’m not, I’m totally straight.

Landon

I’m bisexual, I’ve known that for some time. Maybe bi-curious is more accurate? I don’t really know. All I know is as far back as I can remember I’ve found both women and men attractive, I thought everyone did. It wasn’t until I was like fourteen and one of my friends asked me if I liked the outfit he had picked out for the first day of freshman year, and I told him I thought he would look cute in it, and he asked me if I was gay? I never gave it much thought before, with LA being one of the most LGBT+ friendly places in the United States, I never really had to, it didn’t matter. But after that I found myself wanting an answer to that question too. And with some unsupervised computer time and a bottle of lotion, I quickly learned that I was, in fact, at the very least, bisexual. And although I never actually developed any crushes on my male friends or felt the urge to experiment with them, the glow of the computer screen in my dark bedroom at night became a routine, became like NyQuil to me. I’ve kept it to myself all these years, never feeling the need to come out as it was more of just a guilty pleasure and I was content with not taking it further in real life, but that all changed one day this past year while playing basketball with Jaden in the LA heat. I was about to go for a slam dunk, when Jaden jumped right in front of me, arms up, blocking my shot. The sweaty musk of Jaden’s underarms fighting its way through his fading deodorant took me by surprise. I don’t know if it was his pheromones or what, but I would have bottled the scent and doused myself with it until I drowned, It was that intoxicating. I wanted more, wanted him, his sweat, his smell, his body, his everything— fuck, I wanted Jaden.

Jaden

I’m about win Call of Duty when out of nowhere I get shot.

“Fuuuck, I was sooo close,” My body falls back in defeat, my head accidentally landing in Landon’s lap. “Oh shit, dude, sorry!” I quickly sit back up, but Landon stops me.

“It’s fine,” he says “I don’t mind. You’ve been playing that game all night. Just relax.”

“O-ok, you uh..” I scratch the back of my neck, “You sure?” I question, but I’m laying back down before he even answers.

My brain is overflowing with confusing thoughts: Is this normal? Do guy friends do this type of stuff? Is this cuddling, it certainly feels like at least a form of cuddling. And my body seems to be responding the same way as it does to cuddling; I feel safe and comfortable and a little warm inside. I’ve only cuddled with girls though. I didn’t know you could cuddle with your guy friends too? And that’s like acceptable? I’m still learning where the line between anti-toxic masculinity and being gay crosses or if that’s even a thing? But one thing is for sure, LA and the South have VERY different opinions on what’s considered gay.

What’s considered gay in the South: looking at another guy for more than two seconds, hugging another male (a quick pat is all you need), giving a guy a compliment, having excellent hygiene— hell I know some guys that don’t wash their ass cuz ‘it’s gay.’

What’s considered gay in LA: Actually being gay. So since I’m straight I guess this is okay? I hope so because I hate to admit that I really like this.

Landon

Don’t touch his hair, don’t get hard, don’t touch his hair, don’t get hard .But fuck it’s all I wanna do. I’ve had this fantasy many times before except usually he’s face down in my lap, my fingers lost in his hair as I palm the back of his head.

I shake my head to clear the image from my mind like an Etch-a stretch.I hate that sometimes my desire for him is so strong, I think about him in ways I know he wouldn’t approve of. It feels like betrayal, it feels wrong. He’s my best friend, I don’t like hiding this from him, but I know, he would be disgusted with me if he knew, I mean wouldn’t anyone, gay, bi or not? Imagine finding out the person you trust the most has been secretly getting off to you. I do my best not to give into the temptation, but how can I not when he’s gone at the studio all day and my bedsheets still smell like him.

I shouldn’t but I do, I let my fingertips flirt with pieces of his bleach blonde hair— my absolute favorite look on him by the way— aimlessly twirling small tuffs as Jaden searches through Netflix for something to watch. In the short time it takes him to choose something, my fingers have found themselves even deeper, my nails lightly grazing his scalp in a circular motion. I half expect him to tell me to stop any second now but when he lets out a small moan, it’s me who stops.

Jaden

“Holy shit, man, I’m sorry. I-I just got way too relaxed there for a second,” I blurt out in embarrassment the second I feel Landon’s hand pause in my hair. It was kind of an odd thing for him to do in the first place, and at the beginning, my old ways of thinking started creeping back in, but then I noticed my body slowly relaxing into his touch. We’ve spent so much time together lately, I think he’s just stating to know me better than I know myself, because after a long day in the studio, relaxation, is exactly what I need

“No worries,” Landon says with a small chuff of laughter “Everything’s all good bro. You really gotta stop apologizing tonight.” He starts scratching my scalp again but then pauses once more. “Do you want me to stop?”

“Actually, umm i-if you don’t mind doing it just a little longer, it’s really helping me unwind before bed.”

“Of course,” Landon agrees.

Landon

And now he’s asleep in my lap. God, he’s so beautiful, I could stare at him forever; his flawless skin, jaw so sharp it could kill a man, his full pink lips just slightly part—nonooonoo, fuck, I gotta get him off me before my dick wakes him up first. I cradle the back of his head with my hands and gently lift him from my lap, replacing my body with a pillow. He’s on my side of the bed, so I have no choice but to sleep on his.

Not even five minutes into being on his side I know there’s no way I’m getting any sleep, because despite being tired, part of me is very alert right now. I can’t control it, his smell is all around me; the sheet under me, the blankets on top, and don’t even get me started on his pillow— I can see the TMZ headlines now: ‘Landon Barker dead at 20! It appears the son of Blink182’s drummer, Travis Barker has died from accidentally asphyxiating himself with a pillow.’ I’d bury my face in it and forget to come up for air.

There’s only one thing I can do to fix it, it certainly isn’t gonna go away on its own. This time I allow myself to think of Jaden as I tug on my cock because I know it’s the quickest way to finish; alternating between pretending my tight grip is his mouth and his ass. I get too lost in the fantasy and before I can stop myself a breathy “Jaden,” tumbles from my lips…

[bachissidehoe]

no vacancy

chapter 2 of it's classy not classic

“Bachira? Hello?” Isagi panics into the phone, pacing around his bedroom in a plain white t-shirt and boxers for the second morning in a row. 

“Hey boyfriend.” Bachira’s groggy voice comes through on the other end. It sounds like he’s still in bed.

“So you’ve seen it.” 

“Yeah I saw it, it was sent to me like 50 times.” He yawns. 

“I’m so sorry. I can’t even believ- I’m really sorry I’ll tell everyone-” Isagi rushes through his words, speaking so fast that it doesn’t even sound like real sentences. 

“Calm down, calm down. Sheesh.” Bachira replies, sounding much too casual about this situation. It sounds like he’s just calmly stretching in his bed, while Isagi continues his panicked routine. 

“I need to tell everyone that’s not true, I can’t believe I dragged you into this-”

“You really don’t wanna date me that much?” Bachira giggles. How can he be so normal about this? 

“That’s not-” 

“It’s alright Isagi, it’s not a big deal. Some people took pictures of us together and it wasn’t hard to make the jump- you know, I just got out of a relationship and the breakup was pretty publicized in my circles.” Bachira explains.

Isagi holds his phone in front of them, scrolling through the tweets and articles about he and Bachira’s little date yesterday. Looking at it from an outside perspective, Isagi can completely understand why people may think that Bachira sipping from Isagi’s drink may indicate something more than a normal friendship. But anyone who knows Bachira personally would understand that these little quirks of his are just part of his personality.

“Oh- I didn’t even know.” 

“I know, my ex already texted me about it to ask what’s going on.” He chuckles. 

A situation like that would make Isagi even more panicked, but once again, Bachira just takes everything in his stride. 

“What? What did you say to her?” Isagi asked.

“You mean him? I didn’t respond to him yet.” Bachira replies.

Isagi pauses, nearly choking on air. That makes even more sense. “I didn’t know you were gay.” He blurts out. How did they hang out and it never came up? Especially because of the topic of conversation. But all things considered, that makes even more sense as to why the public seems to assume the two of them are in a relationship.

Bachira just laughs. “I’m bi.” 

“Oh. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said it like-” 

“Yeah. In my community it’s very known, so it makes sense that people would see me with you, and you just “came out”, and assume something’s going on.” Bachira sighs. “I probably should have thought of that.” 

“Well-” Isagi pauses. “What are you gonna say to him?” 

It’s not necessarily surprising that Bachira Meguru is bisexual. Isagi wouldn’t think anything of it if he weren’t involved in this current situation. But honestly, Isagi feels bad that his friend identifies this way at this specific point in time. Because if Bachira were straight, that would be an easy fix. 

“Not sure.” 

Isagi just sighs. “I’m sorry man.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “I’ll make a public post and clear everything up.” 

“Actually.” Bachira pauses. Isagi can hear him shuffling around, possibly leaving his bed. “I don’t think you should.” 

“Huh?”

“I think you should wait. It might not be worth explaining.” He continues. 

“Are you-”

“I’m saying we should just fake it. I’m in Tokyo for a couple months for work, we fake date until I move away, and then we fake break up because I’m moving and you’re a pro player and all.” He suggests. He says it so casually too, like it’s not the most insane idea Isagi has ever heard. “You know, just like the movies!” 

“You’re insane.” Isagi replies. It’s really all he can say. This can’t possibly be real life. 

“I’m so serious.” Bachira laughs. “Hold on, I’m coming over. Send me your address.”

“What the fuck is even happening?” Isagi feels his body shaking, he’s sweating yet freezing. He’s probably having a stress reaction. He might have to end up in a mental hospital. How the absolute fuck is he going to be able to show up to practice today?

“We have to make a plan. So I’m coming over. I’ll bring some food.” Bachira says, explaining his intentions as if they’re spies planning the heist of the century. Like it’s some game they have to win. Even after so many years, Bachira’s Blue Lock ego still hasn’t wavered. 

Isagi agrees, since he doesn’t really see himself having another option, but the entirety of the situation still doesn’t feel at all real. Back in Blue Lock, Isagi truly felt like his friendship with Bachira was special, like even though they hardly knew each other, they were on the same wavelength from the start. He assumed both of them would make it out, and he still believes they would have if not for Bachira’s injury. 

After that, Isagi was too embarrassed to talk to Bachira as often anymore. He felt guilty, like he didn’t earn his title over someone as talented as Bachira. It felt too weird to maintain their closeness. But now, it’s like it’s all back to normal, where Bachira is just as comfortable with him as he was six years ago. 

But that’s just how Bachira is. Clearly Isagi hasn’t respected Bachira’s ability to innocently trust the world. 

“Hey there!” 

Isagi opens the door to a smiling Bachira Meguru, holding multiple bags of takeout.

“That’s a lot of food.”

“Is it?” Bachira giggles. “I don’t know what you liked so I picked one of everything. Except the stuff I hate.”

“Geez. How much do I owe you?”

“Nothing.” He lets himself in, placing the bags of food on Isagi’s dining table. “I have more money than I know what to do with anyway.” 

“I get that.” Isagi replies. It’s true, being 22 years old doesn’t really require as much money as the two of them make- Isagi being a pro soccer player and Bachira being a successful artist. They can pay their bills, buy their own food, donate to charities and whatever else will make them look good to the general public, give some money to their families, and they still seem to have a lot of it. Neither of them are used to it. “Thanks.”

“Think of it like a date. Our second date.” 

“Stop it.” Isagi looks away, feeling his face flush. He doesn’t understand how Bachira can still be so casual about this despite being caught up in a blatant lie. Isagi can’t help but assume that the worst will happen, that he’ll be outed for being a liar and a horrible person and fired from being a pro player. Bachira, on the other hand, seems like he couldn’t care less. 

“So let’s talk about it.” Bachira sits at the table, making himself at home as he starts unpacking some of the food. “I think we should just keep giving the public what they want, we can hang out and go on “dates” and stuff, go to each other’s events, and it’ll die down on its own.” 

“You’re being so normal about this.” Isagi replies. 

Isagi figured he couldn’t eat with how much stress he’s under, but those pork buns smell good enough to convince him to sit across from his friend and try one. 

Bachira shrugs, shoveling a few chopsticks full of rice in his mouth. “Well, it’s not as big of a deal as you think it is.” 

“Huh? I trapped you in this with me because I lied on an interview. Now you have to pretend like you’re my boyfriend and I’m not even gay, I don’t know if you’re trying to fix things with your ex or whatever, and if you weren’t but wanted to date other people your entire time in Tokyo is just ruined because you wouldn’t be able to date if everyone thinks you’re dating m-” 

Bachira flicks a grain of rice at Isagi, hitting him in the nose. 

“What the fuck Bachira?” Isagi swipes the rice away, meeting the gaze of his smirking friend. 

“Just say you don’t wanna date me.” He giggles. 

“Can you be for fucking real for one second?” 

“Fine, fine.” He picks the face-rice off the table and tosses it in an empty bag. “I don’t care that you’re straight, I like hanging out with you and this would just mean hanging out with you more. I am definitely not trying to get back with Hiro, and after that relationship, I’m also not trying to date or fuck anyone else for the forseeable future.” Bachira explains. “I think that covers everything you were concerned about.” 

Though much of Bachira Meguru’s cutesy, eccentric personality remains the same as it was back in Blue Lock, much about him has changed as well. Isagi can tell that he prefers to be lighthearted, but that he’s also matured a lot. He’s put together, he dresses nice, it’s clear he’s maintained his physique and takes care of himself, and he’s obviously working hard. 

“Any of that could change, though.” Isagi says, but much quieter and less confident than before. 

“Stop making it seem like you’re ruining my life.” Bachira smiles, softer this time. 

Isagi sighs. It doesn’t seem like a big deal to Bachira now, but anything could change in the next couple of months. 

“Fine.” He says after a while. “It’s not different than just hanging out with you, I guess.” 

“Yippee!” Bachira raises his chopsticks into the air. “My new classy relationship, Blue Lock best friends to lovers, rich boys from different worlds-” 

“Damn don’t get too excited.” Isagi jokes. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” Bachira leans in as if there could be anyone listening in Isagi’s completely empty apartment. 

“Uh, ye-”

“I sort of want Hiro to be jealous.” He admits. 

“Oh-”

“Anyway!” Bachira quickly shoves some more food in his mouth. “Moving on.” 

“O-kay?” Isagi finds it best if he just lets Bachira lead the conversation. It’s always been that way, with Bachira doing whatever he wants and Isagi simply letting him. 

“I have to ask, have you ever even dated anyone? Sorry if it’s too personal.” 

“No, no, I guess we should make sure we know things about each other.” Isagi answers. “I’ve dated here and there, but never a serious relationship.” 

“So you’ve kissed girls?”

“I mean yeah-”

“Have you had sex before?”

“Not super often but occasionally-” 

“Ah.”

Isagi answers the barrage of questions quickly, but it’s clear Bachira needs some additional context. They’re definitely personal questions, but nothing Isagi is super uncomfortable sharing with him. They’re “dating” now, after all. He decides to elaborate.

“I just can’t saddle anyone with being in a relationship with me. Any girl would always be second to soccer. There’s no vacancy in my life for a person to come between what I really love. I just don’t think it’s possible for me, so it wouldn’t be fair to her, you know?” Isagi explains, looking down at his untouched pork bun. Now’s as good a time as any to actually start eating. 

He makes a mental note to ask Bachira where he ordered from later. This food is damn good. 

“Do you know that girls are interested in you?” Bachira inquires further.

“Yeah, I mean of course. But like I said, there’s no room for anyone between me and soccer. It’s the only thing I care about that deeply, I guess it’s like my one true love or whatever.” Isagi answers, taking another bite. 

Bachira chuckles. “I totally get it, but I think you’d be surprised.” 

“Hm?”

“You’d be surprised how simple it can be to have two loves at the same time, where both of them are number 1.” He smiles. 

[oh-surprise-its-me]

Roy/Jamie fic idea: Instead of hate, what if when Jamie first comes to Richmond it is love at first sight between him and Roy. Like Jamie's always loved Roy since he was a kid and is starstruck at finally meeting his fav while Roy has to battle to keep up his gruff and grouchiness when all he wants to do is gawk at the gorgeous new striker who walked through the door and immediately looked at him like he's hung the fucking moon. How differently would things have played out if Roy took Jamie under his wing, Jamie stopped being so much of a prick because he wanted to be a good teammate and please Roy too, and then when Ted Lasso himself arrives, Jaime and the boys soak up his positive ethos quicker and start winning?

AWWW I LOVE THIS

(Also are you a mind reader I was literally thinking about this last night)

Roy knows he needs to stop looking at Jamie.

He hasn’t had a problem with keeping his eyes to himself for years. Why is this kid any different. But the way Jamie is practically bouncing in place with energy, his eyes, his ass. Roy normally hates when new players say they loved watching him growing up but Jamie? Jamie saying it made Roy feel special.

They are the only two in the locker room at the end of the day, Roy has been debating this for the last 15 minutes but fuck it. He taps Jamie’s shoulder, “wanna come over and eat? I’ll cook. Give you some advice.”

Jamie blinks at him for a second like he can’t believe Roy is real. “Uh yeah sure mate that would be incredible.”

Roy nods. He takes Jamie’s phone from his hand, he typed in his house number into Jamie’s map app. “Come over whenever, I’m going straight there.”

Jamie nods. “Yeah fab I’ll be there.”

—————

It’s been about six weeks of the them getting to know Lasso, Roy’s gotta say he’s impressed. Jamie works like magic under him, even dropped a bit of the prick attitude.

They still have dinner together almost every night. Roy every once and a while asks if Jamie has been on any dates. He selfishly hopes he hasn’t because that means he’ll be Roy’s more nights.

Jamie doesn’t really seem to date. Roy figures he’ll drop the fact he’s bisexual tonight just to see how Jamie reacts.

•

Jamie is sitting on Roy Kent’s kitchen counter. Fuck if 17 year old Jamie could see him now he’d be crying.

Okay lie.

He’d be asking to blow Roy under the dining room table they eat at some nights. But that doesn’t matter because Roy is straight and Jamie just needs to adjust his love for Roy to a more platonic intentions.

He’s swinging his legs when Roy drops the biggest bomb of all times. He’d asked Jamie if he’d dated recently. No. The answer is always no. Why date when he could be here with Roy. He returns the question to be kind, but prays to a god he doesn’t believe in that the answer is no.

“No no dates since a failed date with a guy two months ago.”

Jamie slams his foot into the cabinet. Shit.

“You’re gay??” Roy freezes. He spins and looks at Jamie, “no bisexual. Problem?”

Jamie can’t shake his head fast enough, “no god no I mean same, me too, I’m. Uh. Bi. First time I’ve actually said that out loud. To someone it actually could effect.”

Oh goddamn it Jamie you really fucked it. Your goddamn big mouth wouldn’t shut up.

Roy clicks off the stove, he sets down the whisk with such care that the whirl of emotions Jamie sees when he turns is shocking.

Roy steps over in between Jamie’s legs, shit.

He slowly places his hands on Jamie’s thighs, “tell me if I’m wrong but I think we both want to kiss each other.”

Jamie frantically nods, he reaches and holds Roy’s face.

They kiss.

Once Jamie needs to breathe again he pulls away, shit. He loves Roy. “Shit I might love you.”

Jamie goes bright red. Cool great fabulous this was nice. Time for him to go die of embarrassment.

“Think I might love you too Jamie.”

Scratch the dying he’s about to become a fucking God. “Seriously?” Roy kisses Jamie’s collarbone, “yeah. Guess love at first sight does happen.”

“Shit Roy you are literally never getting rid of me now.” Roy laughs, he leans in and kisses Jamie again. “Wouldn’t want to get rid of you anyways.”

(They move in together in two months) ((and are extremely but healthfully co dependent))

[solomonomenon]

i think skz know how they can use their star charm to woo people anyone they want but heres my personal thoughts on each membernot that it matters at all i just dont get if there is a real ship why their hard core fans force them to kinda become gay without considering the idol themselves? not saying they cant be gay at all but there is a difference between what the fans delusions want and what the members personally want

but heres my thoughts anyway

felix, bisexual. i think felix tends to lean towards a more genderless type image and i think he would not care who he loved as long as they are a decent person towards him he can sway anyone into loving him be it man or woman so i will say bisexual for him he just has that aura about him that make anyone love felix even if they arent a fan of the group as a whole

lee know again bisexual i think bro just doesnt gaf either way he will date whom he loves and if its han then great but i dont think he would willingly choose him right off the bat despite what some of their fans think but he does seem to lean more towards being comfortable around men than women? i could be wrong ofc but im saying both mainly due to his very dont give a fuck attitude, if he likes someone i think it wouod take him by surprise tbh bro doesnt seem as romantic as the other members

seungmin straighter than a ruler. need i say more?

changbin also straight. bro is a walking bank account too so i would not be surprised if he is very generous maybe too generous with his love for women and helping others out

bangchan no doubt about him dude is straight, he acts so awkward especially around some twice members i think he may have a crush on them very very easily / anyone whos foreign enough for chans liking will get chans approval immediately

IN i'd say hes straight maybe bisexual? but same with lee know i dont get romantic vibes from him right away i just dont think he would care to date right this minute but he definitely loves the attention he gets from female fans very much

han? either very gay or bisexual tbh, hes another oddball of the group tbh i dont really know much about him and i think hes very self fulfilling so not really romantic material at the moment thats why i said hes either very gay or bisexual at the very least or just not interested in dating, he plays into the parasocial relationship way too much from what i have seen of him so could be either. if i had to compare he is the harry or louis of the group someone whos just weird asf lol

hyunjin straight but also could be bisexual again i think hes a bit of a toxic mess especially in the readings ive read about him he seems all over the place hot and cold so could be straight or bi but i wouldnt pin him as good dating material

oh wow thank you for sharing your thoughts I appreciate it and yeah I could see what you're saying so let's discuss it a little

for felix, I agree that he's giving bi or even pan but I think what he wants to present himself might be different from what he wants romantically or sexually. he's definitely aiming for that unisex, androgynous look but for his interests I can see women but I'm not sure about men. one thing for sure is if he's not a part of community he's fully an ally

for leeknow, we know he does have female friends and he seems comfortable when he was working with minju sullyoon and nolto's casts. I think main reasons are the industry itself and all the crazy fans, he's a pro idol (his word lol) he wouldn't share with us much about female friends oh and also isn't it better to be close with women than only men? a group that consists only of men isn't really a nice thing to be around lol

seungmin? no notes 🤣 I think he's also a walking bank account like changbin and maybe chan as well

for jeongin, hard agree with the female fans part, he's evidently enjoying it

I think han was super straight back when they just debuted like the first few years. rn? not so much but still gives off straight vibe with a hint of something else. maybe he's gone through some self-discovery, he does seem like he's more comfortable in his own skin

I agree with you on hyunjin but I don't think I'd use the word toxic, he's just hopeless romantic which yeah, not really a good dating material

again all of this are only my opinions nothing absolute I could totally be wrong and if that's the case I'll change my opinions lol

[lover-of-mine]

your post about how eddie fell first is literally what made me follow you last year 😄

i know you said you’re enjoying the time before the show might… well, squash the theory… but you never know! it could be the reveal/pining/slowburn of the century!

what are your theories for if they don’t go that route? eddie didn’t know all along?

I love that you followed me through that post because I feel like that one really sets the mood for the madness you're about to experience following me kspakspakpakapaka

No but can you imagine, revealing that Eddie has been in love all along and aware of it for whoever long they decide (I know I say even all the way down to the lawsuit could work and that the shooting was his oh moment, but my guess if they ever went that route it would be post breakdown, like, he figures it out and accepts between dumb luck and starting over, so confirm he was pining during all of season 6) and then make Eddie canonically explicitly pine as Buck dates a guy who's literally him in a different font? What kind of fanfic bullshit would that be? I would die, like legit. Buck being bi almost made me call my psychiatrist to adjust my meds, Eddie being in love with Buck all along confirmed would put me in a psych hold kspalapalapopkspsk

That being said, if they are going there with buddie, which I'm 90% sure they are, since Buck is fully unaware of the Eddie of it all and Eddie is about to have problems with Marisol, you can have Eddie watch Buck with Tommy and be like "I want that", especially when it seems like they'll focus a lot on being soft and fun and something that just makes Buck happy, and then be like "oh shit do I want Buck?" Because they never really saw each other in a happy relationship, so that can absolutely spark something for Eddie and Eddie wouldn't need something as on the nose as being grabbed and kissed by Buck to realize he loves him, yk? So he can be longing for what they have, even more if he does break up with Marisol before he finds out Buck and Tommy are dating, and then have him be like oh fuck. Because even though I strongly believe Buck needs to make a move, the show needs to explicitly state Eddie's interest in Buck before that happens or else you risk people saying it came out of nowhere or it's just repeating the bucktommy start. Like, I wouldn't be surprised if there was something like Buck and Tommy dancing at the wedding, and Eddie watching them, and you just see the progression happen on his face (that Ryan would BODY because the way that man can make you feel exactly what Eddie is feeling without saying a single word amazes me) and then we enter a pining era that eventually would evolve into a mutual pining era and eventually getting them together. But my guess right now is not that Eddie is gonna be jealous, it is that he's gonna be longing, and that will lead to him finally being like oh! for real.

Fantasy scenario though, is the reveal that Eddie has in fact been aware of it at least throughout all of season 6, settled into the fact that Buck was "straight" and he had to move on, now has to pine as he watches Buck with a guy he has so much in common with, and not do anything about it again not because he thinks Buck can't feel the same way, but because Buck just doesn't want him and is happy, so he won't mess that up and take the secret to the grave. Especially if you consider the way you can totally frame the cemetery scene to make it seem like Eddie thinks Buck "broke up" with him (cemetery scene my beloved 🫶), you have him double down that feeling, "I'm still not what he wants, that doesn't change just because he's attracted to guys" and you have him try to figure out what to do with it since moving on didn't work he and he would want to be as supportive as possible because Buck is still Buck and he is his person and he wants Buck to be happy, all while trying to figure out how to be happy with himself, and while Buck and Eddie work on their friendship (talk boys, please, I'm begging). Then Buck and Tommy break up, Buck and Eddie almost die together in the finale and we have a buddie cliffhanger to close the season (drown Buck 2024 I will always believe you) and buddie get together at some point during the beginning of season 8.

Also, can you imagine the CHAOS if the show gave us bi Buck and buddie canon on Eddie's side within a week of each other after only 5 episodes in the network? We would LEGIT break the internet. And I would owe everything to abc lol

[officialgleamstar]

Personal DnDads Pride Headcanons

some of these are simple but most are paragraphs long because of who I am as a person (incapable of saying things concisely), so they're going under a readmore. vaguely organized by age group.

one quick note: feel free to cheer on or rag on any of these that you please, variety in opinion is the spice of fandom life! everyone's headcanons are so real and valid to me, i am a strong believer in having as many contradicting fandom opinions as you want. for this list, i just went with everything that is "default" to my fan content. others' transfem sparrow is shaking hands with my gnc sparrow and yes, i'm listing that one on purpose, because if you make fun of transfem sparrow, you are getting hit by my bat. be fucking nice.

please enjoy!

Season 1 Dads and Spouses

Carol is a lesbian. This is simply canon to me. It’s important that this is first and visible to everyone.

Bi/pan polyamorous Henry and Mercedes is also simply canon to me. Honestly that one might be fully canon based on some of the things that happen in Odyssey

Henry is unlabeled but in the sense that he calls himself ‘queer’, ‘bisexual’, ‘gay’, or ‘pansexual’, fully depending on his mood and the conversation happening

Ron is also unlabeled but in the sense that he has never thought about it in his life and isn’t intending to now

Glenn is bisexual but never talks about it unless someone else mentions it first, and he tries really really hard to never think about his gender once in his life. The queer angst I give Glenn could be a whole post of its own but just know he has issues. He does fuck men though

Darryl still isn’t really sure on his sexuality and probably never will be, but he’s actually explored it a bit, so that’s better than whatever the fuck was going on with him before the show started. Henry likes giving him subtle bear pride flag accessories because Darryl actually wears them a lot. His favorite color is brown, after all.

Jodie, Nicky, and Taylor all are bisexual with a preference for women. Sexuality isn’t genetic but it is for them specifically.

Morgan is also bisexual. Literally none of the season 1 parents are straight except maybe Samantha and even with her, my opinion fully matters on the day and how I’m feeling.

Henry and Lark have definitely had an exchange at some point where Lark asked him how it was to ‘experience twink death’, to which Henry just went ‘get back to me in a few years on that, kid.’ and Lark spent the rest of the week furiously moping because clearly, he’s a twunk, Father- (words of a man who did not take care of himself well enough from the ages of 18-25 to ever be a twunk)

This is my little shipper brain but Jodie only realized he liked men after being stuffed into the Odyssey and being around Ron 24/7 for months on end (and the demon stuff, but he didn’t know that yet for obvious reasons). In his timeline, he had a whole arc about it and now he’s persistently attracted to strange men who don’t make sense as well as women light-years out of his league. He’s still a little miffed that Henry doesn’t remember the very long conversations they had about it, but him and Nicky get to wear matching bi pride bracelets now, so he guesses it’s fine.

Kiddads and Spouses

Lark is bisexual. He has known this since kindergarten when his parents explained what the flag all over their house was and has never thought about it since.

Lark also helped Rebecca realize she was bisexual because she would ask him about it in a class they shared in high school

This is utterly unrelated to LGBT headcanons but I think Veronica and Rebecca grew up in San Dimas with the kiddads, and were friends with them in high school. It just makes sense to me

Unlabeled Terry Junior is something that can be so personal to me. In a general sense, he likes everyone romantically, and identifies enough with the asexual spectrum to wear an ace ring, but he doesn’t really see the point in putting a name on it. He’s just Terry Junior and he’s happy with that.

Him, Lark, and Nicky did have a group chat called ‘bisexuals with an agenda’ in high school though, where they would make plans for pranking or otherwise harassing their fathers during group outings. Terry loves Ron but that does not mean he is above ruining his day. It’s done with affection.

My thoughts on Sparrow could be a full fanfiction but gonna try to keep it simple (retroactive edit: did not keep it simple). Sparrow is the token cishet of the kiddads, but in the queerest way possible. He’s an Oak-Garcia, of course he’s explored himself very thoroughly. At current, he identifies as gender non-confirming cis man, but he has had periods of his life where he transitioned and then detransitioned. In early high school, he identified as non-binary. From senior year up until just before Hero was born, he lived as a trans lesbian. He doesn’t see these periods as phases, just as his identity changing over time. Currently he’s perfectly happy identifying as a man, but wouldn’t be wholly shocked if he transitioned again. Calls himself “cis but gender is obviously, massively, a social construct and so it feels unfair to expect myself to fit into these boxes when identity can be so fluid and-”

Rebecca still calls him her wife, and also a granola lesbian or MILF from time to time because it makes him laugh, and while Nicky was still in his life, he would send Sparrow trans memes a lot. Sparrow also has always liked being seen as non-binary, he sees it as ‘winning at being androgynous’. Competitive to the sense of nonsensical Sparrow my beloved

Sparrow always wears women’s clothing but that’s for autistic reasons. They just fit nicer for his brain. It helps the gender(tm) thing though, he near exclusively wore hand-me-downs from Mercedes throughout all of high school

Sorry for talking so much about Sparrow. He’s my favorite character so he is the focus of many of my thoughts. Anyways

Never been a huge fan of the ‘Grant was outed by his crush in the Forgotten Realms’ headcanon, I think Grant came out about a year beforehand. Long enough where everything about it has settled but it’s still new enough that Darryl forgot for a split second and thought Grant might have a crush on Killa during the Four Knight arc. He’d known he liked boys a while before that, and also his parents kind of figured he was gay most of his life since he had 95% girl friends

Marco is pansexual! He met Grant in college because he worked the front desk of their dorm building and would always wear a bunch of pride pins

Nicky was Grant’s first good friend who was a boy, I like to think that they were childhood friends. Grant announced this to his dad at the age of 10 by going “Nick Close is transgender now, so that means you don’t have to worry about me only talking to girls because he’s a boy.” and Darryl went “…Alright?” and then googled what ‘transgender’ means

Speaking of, Nicky realized he was trans because of Mulan. Both Glenn and Jodie, in their respective timelines, googled ‘How do I know if my daughter is a lesbian’ before he came out because Nicky would rewatch the reflection song so often and also the tomboy-isms. Everyone felt very stupid for being surprised when he cut all of his hair off, cried, and asked to change his name

T4T Nicky and Cassandra is canon and they rubbed it into everyone's faces when they were together, Anthony is just afraid of the truth

Cassandra is trans het. I love trans het people more than anything and I love her so this makes sense to me.

Veronica is non-binary, in the sense of “girl but to the left”. They/she pronouns, calls themself a girlie and a mom but not a woman, dresses in a kickass pantsuit at formal events. I’m also in love with her

Season 2 Teens and Friends

Hero and Normal are both trans. When Hero came out, Sparrow sat Normal down to explain why Hero was now a sister instead of a brother and Normal responded with “Well, that’s not fair. How come Hero can be a girl but I can’t be a boy?!” and Sparrow just stared at him for a really long time before going “You can be a boy, honey.” and they went thrift shopping as a family for new clothes the next day

Normal is stealth trans, mostly because Hero is the same way and he copies her, but also because it doesn’t really occur to him that he passes. He just figures that people knows even though he is on testosterone and binds and presents masculine. It helps that his family presents pretty gender-neutral as a whole, so most people assume he had long hair as a kid because his parents are hippies. They had a son and daughter, both with long hair. They now have a daughter and a son, both with short hair. To the general populace, nothing has changed, they just misremembered which kid was older.

Taylor is a demi-boy and spends every year growing more and more feminine. Definitely calls their gender something like ‘boy with a dash of girl on the side’ with their friends. Growing out his hair was a newer thing and he regrets cutting it, even if it was a super cool sequence and he looked like an anime protagonist, because he liked how it framed his face.

Cassandra has always maintained an openness about her trans identity, so Taylor’s the same way. He’s always got the he/they pronoun pin on (I figure this is normalized by the time of season 2, but he’s just very pleased about it), he has a variety of trans and non-binary pride pins that he cycles through, and they like painting their nails because it’s an easy way for them to feel a little more feminine.

Cassandra’s living room is decorated with a massive trans pride flag and LED lights. The first time the teens walk into Taylor’s home, Scary says “it looks like a Twitch stream in here” at the same time that Normal says “it looks like my sister’s room in here” and they high-five while Taylor yells at them to be nice.

Hermie is genderfluid and uses any pronouns. This is real to me. He has my own teenage trait of gender shifting every three hours and never knowing what to do about it and he will be suffering with this until he exits puberty, at which point he gives up and just sees what gender other people choose for him.

Hermie is also pan/ace! No further thoughts here. She just is.

Erica just goes by queer because she doesn’t think the common passerby deserves to know her rich inner life and she’s right, they don’t

I tend to say a lot that all of the S2 kids are bisexual, and I represent them as such, but I truly believe that Lincoln and Normal both have no idea what’s going on with their sexualities. They say they’re bisexual for bisexual teen squad reasons but Normal is going through a constant crisis of “Am I gay or bisexual?” and Lincoln looks up the definition of aro/ace on a weekly basis. Neither of them will ever express this until Scary goes “maybe I’m not bisexual, actually.”

On that note, Scary is a lesbian but she’s not going to realize that until college. For now, she’s rocking with the bisexuality and pretends it’s not weird that her ‘crushes’ on boys feel wildly different than her crushes on girls. Yes I am projecting. This is not a secret. We project onto Scary here.

[dykeyote]

ok my dndads queer hc post randomly gets notes but i disagree w many of the takes now so im updating it . spoiler warning theres a WHOLE lot of lezzies . just doing the dads kiddads and teens HOWEVER i will say that mark likely is for sure a lezzer

darryl: bisexual and probably the most cisgender one here but he's actually SO cis that it becomes almost gnc . he/him

ron: transhet guy but he thinks his transition is like very unique to him and everyone else is doing it the exact same as each other so he doesnt really get that hes Transgender bc he thinks everyone else is doing it in a really different way than him all together . not in an angsty way hes perfectly okay w that . he/him

henry: trans bi guy we know this to be true . he/him but if you called him they/them prns he would be like well yknow ive never thought about that before but you know what go right ahead (: he doesnt exactly enjoy it but he appreciates just how gosh-darn nonbinary positive you are that he'd still encourage it

glenn: bisexual and like .... hes cis he doesnt really care abt gender much but when nick came out as trans he definitely said something about like . "dude if i was trans? id totally use they/them pronouns thats sick as fuck" and then moved on and this sort of haunted nick for a while . he/him but again he doesnt really care

jodie: cis and bisexual but in such a boring way that he might as well be straight

sparrow: tgirl lesbian who was out at one point but is not now for Normalcy Reasons . she/her in theory

lark: transneu nonbinary and aroace . not out about either of these things but not really as a like Actively Closeted thing they just dont really think abt it . they/he in theory

terry jr: tgirl lesbian also but this time out AND butch . she/he

grant: gay of course . and like .... he is cis and this wont change but he'd be a good deal happier if he was more gnc i think

nick: tguy butch lesbian . he mostly but he doesnt really care that much

link: kinda-stealth tboy (not really intentionally or anything he just doesnt really see it as relevant that often so most people dk) and gay . he/him but he doesnt really care that much

taylor: honestly idk what i think is going on w his gender but i DO know hes aro and bi . give me some time to think on that ok

scary: out nonbinary tfem lesbian!!!!! we know this!!!!!! she/it and when she writes her pronouns down she always writes the it in VERY BIG AGGRESSIVE HANDWRITING to make it clear that its SUBVERSIVE AND WEIRD

normal: bisexual tgirl . currently in a like . Questioning Phase in s2 i feel like ..... her turmoil abt being a Normal Son is tied to that . any pronouns but she primarily

hermie: bigender (girl + boy) gaybian :3 was an open bisexual tguy originally but around the poison ivy era had some Gender Complexity . he/she but certain Method Personas have diff pronoun leans whereas normal herm is pretty 50/50

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

I know it is only anybodys guessing really, and I truly do not want to sound like 'the historian' but you would go as far as calling these relationships of napoleon 'homoerotic'? Why? Couldn't it be the case of him having just very warm attitude and be close to his friends like that?

Again nothing against it, but I needed to ask since I as well am the person to get alike towards my close friends and I don't feel it having any attraction undertones.

Thank you for the ask! As usual for me, my response got really long.

I mean correct! It’s literally anyone’s guess. Who knows? Certainly not me! Certainly no one who is alive right now!

I’m just a queer on the internet having fun who sees Napoleon and goes "ah yes, a chaotic bisexual even though the concept of modern sexual identity wasn't a thing in his time etc. etc. [insert all the other usual disclaimers required on this webbedsite]" so that's why.

[How do I know he’s a chaotic bi? Well, it’s very simple, he couldn’t sit properly in a chair, liked to sit on his secretaries’ laps, pull their ears, and tell them Fun Facts he learned that day, and wanted to make the tsar of Russia his mistress. He also dearly loved Josephine and wrote about how he liked going down on her. This is clear proof that he was a chaotic bi king and we should be so lucky to know this about him. ;)]

I'm also a writer who likes to slap a queer lens onto most things because that's how I role and I'm very unapologetic about it. Which most people who follow me know.

I’m also someone who has incredibly deep, intimate friendships with a close selection of people in my life that are not romantic/sexual or whatever in their nature—but they are incredibly intimate. They are friendships where partners of my friends have been jealous and insecure because of how close we are—which is a them problem, not an us problem.

I would go so far as to argue that friends are more likely to slot into that problematic category of “soulmate” than anyone romantic (ymmv). And from the outside, I’m sure people might read my friendships with a few people (have read them, in fact) as romantic/homoerotic and frankly I don’t care. Whatever. I know what my friendships are, why does it matter what other people read them as? More to the point, why does it matter that someone reads a dead person’s friendships as homo-something? How does that impact my friendships which may, or may not, mirror that dead person’s friendships? Who cares? One should love one’s friends however one wishes to. Fuck everything else.

--

In an effort to avoid the Great Queer Napoleon Discourse War of 2013-14 I shall include a disclaimer because hot damn do people get REALLY uppity about this: I’m a writer, first and foremost in all things. I’m not a historian. As noted above, I’m a queer fag on the internet having fun. Take what I say with a grain of salt.

(Honestly, doing anything with Napoleon’s sexuality aside from He Was the Straightest Straight Who Ever Straighted, gets everyone’s hackles raised. I think that says more about those with hackles up than it does the person going: maybe he might have had a bit of a queerness about him, it’s not implausible.)

--

Some general stuff on Napoleon & That Doesn’t Seem Entirely Straight, Even For the 18th and 19th Century:

From Cronin’s biography on Napoleon:

“Napoleon found that his friendships with men often began with physical attraction, and this took a curious form. ‘He told me,’ says Caulcaincourt, ‘…that for him the heart was not the organ of sentiment; that he felt emotions only where most men experience feelings of a different kind; nothing in the heart, everything in the loins and in another place, which I leave nameless.’ 

The feeling Napoleon described as ‘a sort of painful tingling, a nervous irritability…the squeaking of a saw sometimes gives me the same sensation’.”

In addition, Talleyrand speculated Napoleon and Bourienne were, uh, intimate in all senses of the word. Talleyrand, of course, well—one should treat his hot takes with some caution.

There is also the (in)famous letter Napoleon wrote to Josephine about Alexander where he said that he and Alexander were inordinately pleased with one another and if the tsar were a woman, he’d take Alexander as his mistress (Napoleon, honey, don’t write that to your wife).

I mean, do what you want with that. Take it for what it’s worth /shrug

---

Of the three friendships under discussion: Lannes, Duroc, Junot—I always read Lannes and Napoleon’s friendship as just friendship. Duroc and Junot though. That’s where we start getting into arguments for a homoerotic friendship—or romantic friendship, if one prefers that term.

I’ll do a little ramble for each, because they all deserve it.

Lannes

Napoleon’s friendship with Lannes was intimate, close, and they loved each other dearly—but as said, I always read them as friends. Even if they lived today and were free/able to be whatever they wanted to be to one another, it’d still just be friendship.

People did make Achilles/Patroclus references to them—particularly around Lannes’ death—but that was the mode of how people spoke back then. It’s the 19th century version of comparing everything to LOTR or Harry Potter (read another classical epic people, jeez).

Their friendship was volatile for sure—these are two hot headed, strong minded, opinionated men who were not afraid to snap and snarl at one another—but at the end of the day I do not doubt their love for each other. But it’s what we would term a platonic love.  

Brian Martin writes this in Napoleonic Friendship: Military Fraternity, Intimacy, and Sexuality in Nineteenth-century France:

Napoleon’s grief for Marshal Lannes took on the very public character of open lamentation. Rather than grieve behind closed doors and conceal his personal vulnerabilities in order to show public strength, Napoleon’s mourning for his beloved friend became a matter of great public spectacle. Like Achilles mourning his beloved Patroclus, Napoleon wept publicly and openly expressed his affection in a way that was widely reported, discussed, and admired by the officers and soldiers in his armies.

[…]

Napoleon’s public grief at the death of Jean Lannes represented a new model for social relations between soldiers in the early nineteenth-century France. weeping over his friend’s broken body, Napoleon demonstrated how the revolution and empire had made it possible not only for an emperor to grieve openly for a fallen marshal, but for a soldier to love his comrade. This uncharacteristic expression of affection between Napoleon and Lannes was echoes in similar relationships between officers and foot soldiers in Napoleon’s armies. Military memories of the first empire bear witness to a wide range of intimate relationships among generals, colonels, and captains as well as sergeants, corporals, and grunts (grognards), the infantry soldiers who made up the majority of the imperial armies. Napoleon’s love for Lannes might thus be said to represent a broad spectrum of masculine affection and intimacy in the ranks of the Grande Armée, or what could be called Napoleonic friendship.

So yeah, I’ve not much more to say on them. Their friendship was loving, affectionate, intimate, and complex. Lannes could be frustrated with Napoleon (often was, the longer Napoleon remained in power—because Lannes loved Bonaparte not the emperor), but Lannes loved his friend and Napoleon loved Lannes. But my read on them has always been that it was what we would term platonic.

------

Junot

This one is messy. Because Junot and Napoleon are messy people. I also think this one is the strongest case for “something more than friendship”. I personally believe Junot loved Napoleon in a deep, phenomenal, possibly obsessive fashion that absolutely was romantic—maybe sexual/erotic—and Napoleon for a time may have returned at least some of those feelings. Then it all went south.

I’m ripping a lot of this from a previous ask I received about Junot—since it covered a lot of the more romantic aspects of his and Napoleon’s relationship.

Junot and Napoleon were close friends when they were in their 20s. Incredibly close. Laure Junot, whose memoires one should treat cautiously, intimated that there was more than just friendship between them at this point. But if that is the case, we’ll never know for certain.

Brian Martin sums it up well (and saves me from having to dig out my copy of Laure’s memoir):

Soon after his imprisonment, Napoleon was released and exonerated, but with little money and no desire to take on a new military post in Brittany, he returned to Paris where, as Laure Junot explains, he lived with his comrade Junot and depended on his friend’s emotional and financial support … The 1794 letter from Toulon initiates a half-year period in the lives of the twenty-five-year-old Bonaparte and twenty-three-year-old Junot when … these ambitious young men relied on each other during their impecunious days in Paris. Describing how Junot “loved Bonaparte as one loves at the age” (1: 188), Laure Junot implies that the young Jean-Andoche developed an adolescent crush on Napoleon, as the two young men grew in intimacy.

[…]

Laure Junot tactfully observes many years later that it was difficult to assess the nature of these friendships [with Duroc and Junot] without offending their masculinity: “These are the very profound and abstract mysteries of the human heart. It is difficult to explain them without first wounding a man’s dignity” (11: 131).

In relegating Napoleon’s military relationships to the realm of the mysteries, Laure Junot defines Napoleonic friendship — long before “the love that dare not speak its name” was articulated by Lord Alfred Douglas in 1894 and invoked at Oscar Wilde’s trial in 1895 —as an enigmatic and unspeakable love incapable of being articulated without shaming a soldier’s manhood. Amid such ambiguity, it is unclear if such “mysteries” encompass both the emotional and the erotic. What is clearer is that Napoleon and Junot shared a degree of affection during their youth in Paris that was undeniably intimate.

As Napoleon climbed up the greasy pole, the power dynamic changed and expectations of interpersonal relationships became more formal putting a strain on his and Junot’s friendship. Junot, like many who knew Napoleon from the early days, loved Bonaparte, not the emperor. As Laure put it in her memoire: “Now let me explain the sadness and pain which afflicted Junot on learning that Napoleon was no longer his General Bonaparte of Toulon. Perhaps the affair simply followed a natural decline. But Junot … did not see it this way. He wanted reciprocity, which he craved even more as his own affectionate fantasies increased … He loved the man, not the emperor.”

In 1800, Napoleon named Junot Commandant of Paris on the condition that he marry because, it seems, there were too many rumours flying around about the two of them. (As noted above, Talleyrand was already making some “huh. Interesting closeness, there” comments about Napoleon.) Dutifully, Junot married Laure.

Junot always exhibited some signs of mental illness throughout his life and at one point he received a head wound (I forget which battle) that massively exacerbated whatever existing mental health troubles he had. (And note that this was one of many wounds - nor was it his first head wound. It’s just the one people in his own life pointed to as a moment of change.)

Junot had jealous and possessive tendencies, something that drove Napoleon a little batty, and they got worse. While Junot was in Portugal, and later Spain, he wrote Napoleon a series of desperate letters begging him to reappoint Junot as his aid-de-camp. We unfortunately don’t have these letters anymore, Napoleon was notoriously secretive and private when it came to personal correspondence and had a habit of burning lots of it. However, we do have Laure’s account of Napoleon’s reception of Junot’s pleading. Laure writes:

"Look here, Madame, what your husband writes to me!’ said the Emperor, ‘Read this and tell me if he sends you such letters."

I read these letters, and this caused me some pain: my husband sent me affectionate missives, but never in the tone of a lover; here were letters that resembled those between Julie and Saint-Preux, or those of the Portuguese nun.*

Napoleon then goes on and says:

“In admitting that Junot loves me more than anything in the world … [he demonstrates] that he does not love me more than his own ambition”

To which Laure replies:

“He loves you, Sire, more than all the honours that you can give, more than your crown, more than me perhaps, for it was pride that made me say the contrary just now, perhaps even more than his children!”

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*Note: She’s referencing Guilleragues’s Portuguese Letters (1669) and Rousseau’s Julie or the New Hélo��se (1761)

Also, as I said above, treat Laure’s accounts cautiously. As with all memoirs, she is positioning certain scenes with a purpose and some things are downplayed, or exaggerated, accordingly.

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In 1813, Napoleon dismissed Junot from military duty and sent him off to be governor of Illyria which Junot, rightly or wrongly, saw as a form of exile. During his ambassadorship he famously entered a ballroom wearing nothing but his epaulettes and his medals. [above para' edited per conversation in the notes]

Brian Martin:

While one could blame Junot’s naked diplomacy on his progressive dementia, his shocking entrance can also be seen as a kind of buff rebuff to Napoleon. After a lifetime fighting for Bonaparte, watching shrapnel rip into young men’s bodies, leading thousands of soldiers to their deaths, and suffering twenty-seven wounds* of his own, Junot offered his own ravaged body as a hideous and spectacular product of Napoleon’s violence.

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*Note: Junot says he had 17 wounds, not sure where Martin got 27 - unless there were wounds Junot wasn’t counting.

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After this incident, Junot was swiftly recalled back to France where he soon after died by suicide.

In his final letter to Napoleon he wrote:

“I who love you with the affection of a savage for the sun, I who am entirely yours. Well then: this eternal war that we must fight for you, I want no more of! I want peace! I want finally to repose my tired head, my sore limbs … to enjoy that which I earned … with my blood! The blood of an honest man, of a good Frenchman, of a true patriot. I therefore ask, at last, for that tranquillity that I earned through twenty-two years of effective service and seventeen wounds from which my blood has flowed for my country, and for your glory.” (emphasis in original)

After Junot’s death, Napoleon ordered that Junot’s personal papers be seized and destroyed as he was afraid their personal correspondence might make its way to a public forum.

So yeah, Junot’s love for Napoleon was definitely on the romantic side, I would say. Because Napoleon burned all their correspondence we don’t know what he sent in reply to Junot—especially in the early days of their relationship. I suspect it was intimate and possibly in line with what Junot continued to send him throughout their life and like hell did Napoleon want that escaping to the public.

Anyway—Junot and Napoleon, I would argue definitely had some homoerotic/romantic undertones and such to their friendship. I think it was mutual in their 20s then Napoleon’s feelings retreated to more platonic but Junot’s never changed.

It just man, gives me strong flashbacks to when I was a teenager and one of my best friends at the time  declared herself my soulmate and carved my initials into her arm and left me a million and a half messages on the home answering machine and said that I was cold like Napoleon and she loved me for it etc. etc.

When I look at Junot and Napoleon I see myself and my old friend in all that glory of the strange complexities of young, intensely emotional and intimate friendships that absolutely blur the line into romantic/erotic.

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Duroc

Ah sweet Duroc! Duroc who regularly compared himself to Junot in terms of his relationship to Napoleon.

Duroc to Laure Junot in May of 1813:  “Poor Junot! It’s that he’s like me! The Emperor’s friendship is our whole life.”

And again, this is from Laure’s memoirs:

‘Junot and some others,’ Duroc said to me, ‘misjudge me and misjudge my position as well. The Emperor would disgrace me if he made me a marshal of France. What would I do away from him? No doubt it’s a great honor; but my attachment to him, how could it not be affected by that distance? I love the Emperor as Junot loves him. And isn’t he going to choose the post of first aide-de-camp instead of that of governor of Paris? So why judge me otherwise!’

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Duroc’s a hard one to pin down because he was such an exemplary marshal of the palace, in addition he left us no diaries or memoirs so we have the word of others and what survived of his letters, little else to go on.

However, I think it telling that Duroc compared himself to regularly to Junot—who everyone was aware of how he felt about Napoleon—and that Junot was so jealous of Duroc. That Junot saw Duroc as a rival for Napoleon’s affection and love but not Lannes tells me that clearly Junot could see the similarity of what Duroc and Napoleon had to what he and Napoleon may have once had but didn’t anymore. And, that Lannes was different. It was a different relationship and one that Junot didn’t find threatening.

It's also worth nothing that Duroc was the only one of Napoleon’s officers, aside from Lannes, who was allowed to use tu with Napoleon. Las Cases writes: “I’ve heard the Emperor say that in all of his military career, Duroc alone possessed his blind confidence and received all his affection … Duroc loved the Emperor for himself; he was devoted most of all to the private man, even more than to the monarch”

Duroc’s role as marshal of the palace also put him in an interesting position as a sort of quasi-wife to Napoleon. The role he played was very much a “wife” role—Cronin summarizes Duroc’s duties thus:

"Napoleon was struck by Duroc’s sweet nature, his beautiful manners and the patience which he himself lacked. So he employed his friend as a diplomat and when he became Emperor chose him to run the household and court. […] He had his hands full ensuring that the grocer did not overcharge for the Chambertin, since Napoleon would be sure to notice, and, as Napoleon put on weight, tactfully persuading the Imperial Tailor not to make new clothes but to let out the old ones a couple of inches. He also had to make peace when Napoleon lost his temper: pushing over the table, for example, when he saw crépinettes of partridge. He did this admirably, because he was devoted to Napoleon. Many a time, when the Emperor had hurt a visitor with a sharp word, Duroc would murmur on the way out: ‘Forget it. He says what he feels, not what he thinks, and not what he’ll do tomorrow.’"

No one else of Napoleon’s intimate friends really takes on that wifely role—even after Duroc’s death. Bertrand has the same role, Marshal of the Palace, and he was damn good at his job, just as Duroc was, but there was a difference in their relationship and Bertrand doesn’t read as so close and devoted on a marital level to Napoleon. Not that Bertrand didn’t love Napoleon, he did, gods know he did, but it was more in line with Lannes than Duroc or Junot.

Napoleon describes Duroc to Las Cases:

‘Duroc,’ concluded he, ‘had lively, tender, and concealed passions, little corresponding with the coldness of his manner. It was long before I knew this, so exact and regular was his service. It was not until my day was entirely closed and finished, and I was enjoying repose, that Duroc’s work begun. Chance, or by some accident, could alone have made me acquainted with his character. He was a pure and virtuous man, utterly disinterested, and extremely generous.’

[…]

When he [Napoleon] went to see Duroc, after he had received his mortal wound, he attempted to hold out some hopes to him; but Duroc, who did not deceive himself, only replied by begging [Napoleon] to make them give him opium. …

After this recollection, the emperor, with an apparent effort, began abruptly to talk of something else.

I believe that Napoleon and Duroc were able to see each other’s interiority in a way that few others were able to and that formed the basis for their affection, love and friendship.

Duroc’s letters to Napoleon, anytime they were apart, are also more intense than usual. Plenty of Napoleon’s friends wrote about wanting to be by his side when they were sent off on diplomatic missions or what have you. But Duroc’s express a particularly intense form of devotion:

Duroc to Napoleon, May 29, 1801:

I am waiting to leave, Citizen Consul, until I receive a response to the letters that I had the honor to write you, unless the circumstances or the letters I receive from Paris let me judge that I can leave earlier. I beg you to remember that I am eight hundred leagues from you and, although I’ve been well-received here, I am never better than when I am near you. (Emphasis in the original)

Duroc to Napoleon, July 7, 1801:

I have sought to conduct myself here, Citizen Consul, in a manner that would satisfy you. I am well-regarded and thought highly of everywhere because I belong to you particularly, but I will not be happy until I’m sure that I deserve your approval. I am waiting to set my departure until I know that you’ve received the letter that I had the honor to write you and that I sent with Captain Leclerc. I very much want to find myself near you as soon as possible. (Emphasis in the original)

When Napoleon offered to have Hortense marry Duroc, Napoleon’s proposition was that Duroc would receive five hundred thousand francs and be named commandant of the 8th military division and would be stationed in Toulon (Napoleon was against having a son-in-law in the house).

When the proposition was passed on to Duroc he turned it down because he didn’t want to be sent away from Napoleon’s side and if marriage meant being apart, he didn’t want it, even though from all accounts he was quite fond of Hortense (and she was fond of him).

Later, when Napoleon was having to negotiate his name in exile he said to Barry O’Meara:

“The name of General Bonaparte was the one which I bore at Campo Formio and at Lunneville, when I dictated terms of peace with the Emperor of Austria. I bore it at Amiens when I signed the peace with England. I should be proud to bear it still, but the honour of France forbids me to acknowledge the right of the King of England to annul the acts of the French people. My intention was to take the name of Duroc.”

But he felt he had to keep Emperor Napoleon in order to Make A statement.

In another account, I forget to who, he repeated his intent to have taken on Duroc’s name in exile in order to be a little more incognito/not draw attention to himself, but because England refused to acknowledge that he had been emperor he was like “fuck that, I’m going to insist on being called emperor”. So, had England not been like “you were never emperor” it’s possible Napoleon would have taken Duroc’s surname as his own.

How very married of them.

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Apologies for the long reply. Not sure this will really answer anything, but it's an amalgamation of my thoughts.

Junot is the clearest of the homo-something friendship between Napoleon and another man. Like, I think that's a tough one to read as anything other than a messy break up. Which is why, when we were all nattering on about queering Napoleon in film yesterday, I focused so much on Junot over the others.

But same sex intimacy, even in Just Friends, can have homo-something undertones to it. Friendships can be complex, multilayered and include some romantic and erotic aspects to them. This doesn't mean those friendships are Romantic Relationships as we think of them, but if there's a romantic tinge to it, or a strong homoerotic tinge to it, then why not explore it? See where it takes the story or the interpretation and undestanding of the person and their actions. Maybe it'll go no where useful, maybe it will. Only one way to find out.

Thank you for the ask!