#I love making lists

[thenightshadowqueen]

Top ten SFTH character couples

(in my biased opinion)

Okay, first of all I’m so sorry to anyone who followed me for anything other than Shoot from the Hip content; I swear I’ll put in more variety. Someday. (Also go check out Shoot from the Hip.) Second of all, I did not join Tumblr with the intention of making a bunch of lists, but they’re fun to write and people seem to enjoy them, so here goes.

10. Justin x the Beetroots MC (headcanon)

Listen, I do NOT condone the whole “if they’re bullying you, that means they like you” bullshit. That being said, years and years later, after both of them have grown as people, I think they could have a really sweet relationship, at least after they work through everything.

9. André Beetroot x Xavier (canon, somehow)

I kind of ship this in a joking way, but also kind of not? They make sense together in a really weird, fucked-up way, and I’m so here for it. (I cannot believe that they’ve canonically hooked up. Multiple times. I love AJ so much for giving us this.)

8. Andrew x Nigel (headcanon)

It’s so toxic. It’s so toxic, and I know that, and it would never be okay in real life, but some dark part of me is really fascinated by the possibilities. (I cannot emphasise enough how much I am intrigued by this in FICTION ONLY.)

7. Jack and Jackie (canon)

Complete turnaround from the last two, but these two are genuinely so sweet. I honestly don’t even have much to say about them, but I love them. So much.

6. François x Mimi (canon)

They are so toxic. They’re horrible people, and they only make each other worse. And I love it. (You know, making this list did make me worry about my mental health slightly. Just slightly.)

5. Toby x the meth wife (canon)

First of all, this is the gayest straight-presenting relationship I’ve ever seen, and I love it. (I totally headcanon them both as bi/pan/queer/etc., but that’s not the point of this post.) And honestly, they’re so supportive of each other. They’re, like, genuinely a healthy couple (in a SFTH play? Can you imagine?). They have so much love for each other, and I could talk about them all day, but I’m fairly sure no one needs that, so I’ll stop.

4. Andrews x Betruva (headcanon)

Listen, I might be a little biased because they’re new, but they kind of have everything I look for in a ship. They have millennia of history, which is always a good start. They’re ancient nemeses. They founded a church named after them both???? Honestly how much more gay can you get?

3. Esmerelda x the vampire slayer (canon)

I like to imagine that Esmeralda survived, and they fall in love, and they have to work through the trauma of the slayer (I think I saw the fanon name Samantha? But I’m not sure) trying to kill Esmeralda. There’s just so much angst potential, and oh, now I want to write a fanfic.

2. Bubba x Jeramiah (canon)

They’re a fucking classic, okay, and they’re a classic for a reason. They are the best gay cowboys, and I love them so much. I know I should have more to say, but I feel like it would just be incoherent screaming.

1. Derek x Titch (canon)

Listen, who else could it be? They are so fundamentally amazing. It’s a classic case of “he fell first, he fell harder” (even if we don’t get to see a lot of the “he fell harder” part, I believe it with all my heart). I love Titch working though his issues and learning to open up, and I love Derek being so helplessly in love with him. I love them so much, and they deserve the top spot.

[circusclownproductions]

Celebrities with the funnest names to say

-Wayne Gretzky

-Mariska Hargitay

-Steve Buscemi

-Orlando Bloom

-Lucille Ball

[frkdoll]

(╥﹏╥) girls’ must read list

the bell jar by sylvia plath

wuthering heights by emily brontë ✓

the complete poems of emily dickinson

the unabridged journals of sylvia plath

anna karenina by leo tolstoy

war and peace by leo tolstoy ✓

letters of sylvia plath 1940-1956

the complete poems of sylvia plath

diarios (diaries) of alejandra pizarnik

the master and margarita by mikhail bulgakov

the divine comedy by dante alighieri

the portable edgar allan poe

crime and punishment by fyodor dostoevsky✓

the karamazov brothers by fyodor dostoevsky✓

frankenstein by mary shelley ✓

the idiot by fyodor dostoevsky

matilda by mary shelley ✓

jane eyre by charlotte brontë

diaries of franz kafka

the portable dorothy parker

pride and prejudice by jane austen ✓

emma by jane austen

the Northanger abbey by jane austen

the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde

diaries of virginia woolf

the count of monte cristo by alexandre dumas

mrs. dalloway by virginia woolf

antony and cleopatra by william shakespeare

꒰ ⁐⁐⁐⁐⁐⁐⁐⁐⁐⁐୨୧⁐⁐⁐⁐⁐⁐⁐⁐⁐⁐ ꒱

[i-arch-my-backula]

Making a list of the biggest freak characters I know of and Lestat is at the very top of it

[youreyesaremyfavoritecolor]

good things that happened today because i need to see the light.

i felt like applejack from my little pony all day because i drew apples on my shoes (for fiona apple but it still made me feel like apple jack)

zach bryan announced he is releasing music tonight

i talked to my aunts for the first time in a while

i passed my science quiz ( i thought i was going to fail)

i understood what we did in math

i woke up to my cat snuggled against me

i talked with someone about bands for a long time

i found new music to obsess over

demko has started practicing again

me and my sisters talked a lot

i had cornbread

i realized i am not alone in my fears

i had a good hair and outfit day

i helped my friend

i had a good dinner

the weather was really nice

i had a loooooong conversation about batman villains.

today was a hard day. the next four years will be hard. take it one day at a time. see the good things.

[teddybeartoji]

atsumu is such a fucking LOSERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

[simplydm]

Alright I’m doing another “pairs id like to see in the life series”

-Scott and Etho: Etho is scared of Scott. Scott will definitely bring up the sexyman poll

-impulse and skizz: please

-Joel and skizz: guy whose humor is over-the-top confidence and the ceo of hyping people up

-mumbo and Cleo: I think it would be funny to watch her try not to kill him

-grian and Cleo: same as above

-Martyn and Etho: they’d be deadly if they teamed up

[tallmadgeandtea]

Richard Woodhull pronounces Patriot as “Pat-tree-at” if you need any other reason to hate him btw

[whumpy-wyrms]

Anton is giving Flint Lockwood vibes! Cloudy with a chance of meatballs is one of my favorite movies lol

Of course Anton is a lot more whumpy about his science!

i’ve never thought about this before but you’re SO RIGHT. i loooved that movie as a kid and he was my favorite character but i never thought about those two being similar before. ahahahha i love autistic mad scientists they’re both so silly and have wacky hair

i don’t remember much about that movie but i neeeed to watch it again.. wow it used to be like my favorite movie. woooow (<— remembering. i loooved the giant orange jello part and the spaghetti tornado and the giant ice creammm and all the science parts. that movie was so great)

[sammyloomis]

writing a physical list of all the films on my watched list on letterboxd so i can cross reference it with my spreadsheet fo movies i own so i can figure out which ones i need to download <- is unironically having a great time

[soweli-musi]

ough I need to make a list of everyone I follow and why so I can more accurately recognise mutuals by their special interests and best know how to indulge them

[dykebarbie]

i am going to rank all the spirit songs based on how much i like them. for funsies

bringin’ back christmas [the instrumental. the visuals. it’s the closest thing we have to a villian song. im obsessed]

that christmas morning feelin’ (curtain call) [really like ryan reynolds’ voice in this one, plus it’s so fun. PLUS the harmony on ‘playing our parts, changing hearts one by one’. so good]

the story of your life (marley’s haunt) [this song fucks. LOVE the instrumental, especially the drums. wish stupid clint didn’t cut it off /lh]

unredeemable [i’m always a slut for this chord progression. love the build in it so so much. i really like will ferrell’s voice on the lines ‘or do i deserve to find’ and ‘or is all i am unloveable’]

the story of your life (clint’s pitch) [the guitar is really gorgeous in this one, plus i like the fast drum at the end. once again, wish it didn’t get cut off]

do a little good [so catchy plus, once again, i think ryan reynolds’ voice shines in this one, gets points off for the ‘on the right track’ part because i think it sounds bad and kind of strained. i like the tune on ‘a random day in may’ though]

that christmas morning feelin’ [i like this one, i just like the other version better. gets bonus points for the harmony on ‘so sing out his praise and raise a toast’]

ripple (cut song) [this song is very fun, love the build, love the tap dancing]

the view from here [i like the tune of this one. gets stuck in my head. octavia spencer kills it with the vocals]

good afternoon [fun, but i think there are better songs]

present’s lament [i think this song is just ok. don’t love it don’t hate it]

the view from here (riverwalk) [i’ll be honest, the original song was good but not my favorite and i could really care less about this romance so this one is at the bottom]

[cl0udpup]

Autism self-discovery

This post will be detailing the thread I referenced in my last post. Here we go.

I’ve spent the last few months researching autism, trying to decide if it fits for me. I feel like I need to basically write a report with all the reasons I may or may not be autistic, before bringing it up to anyone in my personal life.

I’ve already gone through so many diagnoses, mental and physical health, because I’ve had so many problems my entire life. This adds to my fear of being disbelieved, or called a hypochondriac, or that people might think I’m just collecting diagnoses. In reality, I’ve known there’s something wrong and/or different about me as long as I can remember.

Some things fit, and give me a sense of relief and understanding. As time goes on, and other symptoms or circumstances clear, I feel I get closer to witnessing the real me. The clearer a picture I get, the more at peace I feel.

Right now, I’m at the end of a year that’s been almost entirely focused on my health issues. I found myself more disabled than ever before (and learned for the first time that I do indeed fit that label,) unable to work, do hobbies, take care of myself... I was falling apart.

Thankfully, also for the first time, I have genuine, unwavering, non-judgmental support. I have someone who believes and validates my struggles, and encourages me to continue healing.

After my physical ailments were brought under control, I was able to focus on my mental health. I went back to therapy, got a psychiatrist, adjusted my depression/anxiety meds, got diagnosed with ADHD - Inattentive type, started meds for it recently.

Yesterday I felt clarity like never before. I realized I felt “nothing”. I felt “normal.” It was amazing.

I’ve mentioned this before, but being sober now has been wildly eye opening as well. I’m sober, stable, medicated, and feel I finally can look at myself and my life, free from the fog.

I have always questioned WHY my life has been the way it is. Why I’ve had such a hard time, despite my best efforts, despite using any resources I could, despite trying to be self aware, research and learn about my problems, my behavior, my thinking.

ADHD explains a lot, but my experiences don’t fully align with other ADHD’ers I talk to or read about. In contrast, I feel seen when interacting with autists online, especially with AuDHD’ers.

The experience of being:

so sensitive (in every way)

chronically both over and under-stimulated

feeling like an outsider

excelling in some areas (or appearing to) but struggling deeply in others

always falling behind / can never catch up 

quirky and annoying

drawn to “weird” subcultures

bouncing around to communities without a group to call home

desperately plotting routines and schedules, but never able to stick to anything

always trying to “get my life together” 

I’ve been searching for so long for an answer to explain everything, why I feel so deeply, like I’m too sensitive for this world; I don’t understand how people can be so detached and uncaring. I’ve just been bewildered by it all, and don’t understand why people think I’M the weird one for caring so much about everything.

I’ve read others stories I see myself in. I feel it could be me, but I just still am scared, and don’t know. I told my therapist today I think my sibling is autistic, and we are alike in many ways. I’m thinking next week, maybe I’ll say: maybe I am too.

The replies:

“The fact you connect with what you’re learning about Autism and especially AuDHD’ers lived experiences is a good indication. Internalized ableism and Autistiphobia are hard to overcome.

I learned I was AuDHD as a young adult, and while it was liberatory in a way, I felt it was wrong of me to co-opt something I didn’t think I deserved to take the title of, as there were people who have more or different support needs. That was the ableism.

It’s okay to take your time. Feeling the need to justify your existence to others is their neuro-normative expectations on you, not your burden to bear.”

“I’m autistic and have all the traits you mentioned too.”

“Whatever you decide, you’re welcome between us! It took me a couple years to bring it to people close to me, and even then I have been really guarded about it in general, that’s ok too!”

“This is wildly autistic; which is to say, so awesome. You don’t need a test to know who you are.”

“I relate to a lot of what you shared. I went from social anxiety to BPD to cPTSD to ADHD before ever considering autism. I needed to know why I am so different and why life is so hard for me. I needed validation which I never got before finding the autistic community here.”

“This is autistic as fuck. Reminder that autism self-dx is absolutely valid. You don’t owe an explanation to anyone.”

“You do you and what works for you, but as soon as I started reading your thread I was like hmmm, yep, sounds very familiar! :)”

“That would be a very autistic thing to do, you probably don’t need to do the list. ;)”

“Something I’m learning is that people who are not autistic don’t spend time wondering if they are.”

“This is me but 4 years of intensive research. My traits are recorded in sections in a document.”

“This first post right here is all the diagnosis you need. You just described the most autistic thing. This is the journey for so many of us. Welcome to the club.”

“So you’re saying you’re autistic then. ;) I agonized as well, making lists, weighing ADHD with ASD. Then I came here and talked about it and was assured that NT’s don’t make lists about whether they’re autistic or not. In fact, their brains are apparently rather quiet from what I hear.”

“There’s not much in the world that’s more autistic than extensive research on whether or not you’re autistic.”

“Making a list is a very autistic approach. I use it often.”

“This tweet shows your autism. Extensive research and writing a report, that’s your autism tell right there. Also, no one who isn’t autistic wants to be autistic. You have done the research; self-diagnosis is VALID because of gatekeeping of the diagnosis.”

[keekry]

Crushes I have had, but never really talked about.

1. This waitress in a Korean desert shop. BTS was playing in the background, I was like 14 and newly inducted into rainbow antics, and she was really, really pretty

2. A boy I would see in the lift every morning. I was maybe 10? He played the cello I think, and was very polite.

3. Three girls in the same friend group, one after the other. This was extremely embarrassing on multiple counts for different reasons each time. I just had lunch with two of them after maybe 6 years and we get along like a house on fire. I think I have a thing for English majors.

4. A very cute boy I met, once again, in a lift. He was also an English major. (I cover my face) He told me the horrible cat my friend had drawn on my arm was cute and I was kind of smitten with his voice. I never saw him again but I think about him sometimes. Nice hands.

5. Shiro, from Voltron. Please do not comment on this.

6. My gay awakening! I almost never talk about this, because she reacted pretty badly when she found out, and homophobia was alive and well in my high school, but she was cool as fuck. Got me into writing and drawing so you can blame her for my 3AM thoughts.

(I say reacted badly but it wasn’t hostile or anything. My friend group was just very misinformed.)

7. A guy who came up to me after I gave my thesis presentation, shy as fuck and adorably charmed by my (quite intense) gesticulations about queer retellings of folklore. I confess I didn’t really have a crush on him but I do think of him fondly. Baby boy. Deep deep voiced baby boy.

[so-many-ocs]

[on the verge of having a complete breakdown] i need to make some kind of list or perhaps sort things into categories

[youreyesaremyfavoritecolor]

things i love. a list from my notes app

feta cheese

peppermint tea

sour strips

biking in cold weather

swimming

listening to music

italian man with rope-john singer sargent

going on walks

seeing birds

seeing bugs

talking

wearing sweaters

brie cheese

bread

reading

finding new songs

the smell of vinyls

really soft blankets

sketching

swings

going on drives

pumpkin seeds

montana

sweet tea

solomon tea

people watching

cool cars

toyota tacoma sr5 from 90s-10s

head phones

hockey

ranting about stupid things

racing

warm beds

contacts(for seeing)

sand

orange

figs

rain

my window

cold water

donuts with pink glaze and sprinkles

blocking people-i have over 100 people blocked over various social media:) including the stars and their mascot

candles

blue

zippos

fiona apple music videos

complementing people

bikers

red sharpie

taking photos

painting nails