#i remembered to eat today though
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Second chapter of When the Ginseng Screams! Alfred gives Matthew of the estate, and Matthew takes a much-needed nap. And now I, too, will get some much needed sleep 😴 💤
#and once again i am using my blorbo to complain but instead of work matt is complaining about the heat#one of the thjngs i hate is how it makes it so much harder for me to figure out if im hungry 😩#i remembered to eat today though#that /and/ i finished this chapter? /and/ i got errands done?#im counting today a win despite being in pain the whole time
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sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
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Literally spent the entire day today watching sfth. It’s all I did.
#Barely remembered to eat (I did tho just almost forgot completely)#Hyperfixation is reaching disabling me status yay#What fun#its fine tho#its just consuming me 👍#I love it though#sfthposting#I spent about 11 hours watching them today/engaging in the fandom today so far#And im gonna watch them some more
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people with outdoor cats be like: yes my cat came back home half dead, caught hiv, is full of parasites and sometimes has gone missing for weeks but i don't care bc at least the cat is free and not locked inside like selfish people do!!!
#i cannot fucking stress this enough PLEASE do not let your cats roam outside freely if you care about them#if they're used to going outside leash them!!!!#the amount of cats we get at the clinic who come almost dead/with horrible wounds bc they're allowed to be outside is insane#not to mention how many run over cats i see where i live#they could get attacked by other animals too#like its just not worth it#we had to put down a cat today after the owners found her almost dead with an INSANE infection bc she had ruptured her intestines#her hip was shattered too#looked like probably some asshole kicked her#and the owners were like oh we had just buried one of our other cats the other day after she got attacked by another animal#and im just standing there like ?????? and that's normal to you??????#oh but at least the cats can climb trees though 🤪#remember the dude i talked about a while ago who brought his cat in honestly the worst condition I've ever seen?#covered in poop vomit piss and fuck knows what else?#that had a colony of cats all infected with FelV bc he refuses to vax them?#yeah this woman was a family member btw#thank FUCK he didn't come today because that would've been a shitshow#all things considered at least this woman seems to be... not absolutely fucking insane? i guess?#but anyway she kept saying how it was sudden! and how the cat was perfectly fine last night!#oh my gOD that cat had maggots eating her from the inside that doesn't happen overnight#cats are tough and will hide a lot of pain but can't you just tell the truth???#you either didn't care enough to bring this poor baby earlier or you just noticed now what had happened to her
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So, on the topic of kosher video game runs, I have just remembered that I'm challenging myself to do a kosher stardew run. And it's working out about as well as it's been working irl (there was a shrimp cocktail in my fridge and I was so scared 😭)
#jumblr#jewish conversion#jew by choice#personal thoughts tag#this is solely for fun though. sucks that to get perfection you have to cook every dish#my real reaction when i remembered shrimp is very not okay (i don't eat seafood of any kind irl): fuuuuuuuck#i'm glad i don't do things out of abject fear when it comes to g-d because i'm a huge fuck up#okay but today i remembered to say the correct blessing which i forgot last night when i was eating#i'm still frustrated with how much i know that i forget in the moment though :/#but i obviously prioritize following as much as i can irl#okay but video games allow me the fantasy of having a shabbos dining room#like i have a fancy little shabbos table that i don't have irl#sorry guys but i'm a gamer and i love mixing my favorite things together (judaism and gaming)#i need to learn how to program just so i can mod games for kosher things#like you can choose kosher-style (e.g. no shellfish) or strict kosher and the game will Remind you if you forgor somehow
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do you have any pets in your life (don't have to be yours i just wanna see aminals..) :0
hi jack :) can you watch this while i go smoke
#ask#raidendotcom#jack im so sorry i wanted to send like 9 images of possums i have saved to my phone and i was SO tempted to do so#but this specific one in particular..........#i dont have any pets though.... :(#my last pet was a cat we had named Fatso (we didnt name him that. it was the name he had when we got him)#but we had to give him to another family. im sure hes doing just fine today :)#before him we had a guinea pig named Munchy that i took home from the woman who'd cut my hair#the first animal i thought was our pet was a golden retriever named Rusty#he was actually my uncles dog (he lives close by) and hed always hang around our house and we also kept dog treats that my brothers ate#he was a golden retriever - poodle mix. but the only poodle part of him was his ears. he had curly fur on just his ears :)#we have a photo somewhere of Rusty and me with my aunt playing in some leaves#shoutout to Rusty... fucking loved that dog even if my perception of who owned him wasnt correct as a 3-5 year old...#also yes i remember a memory of being on my front porch and my brothers were eating dog treats out of the box#i feel like they were scooby doo branded or something.#it was between the years of 2001-2003#i also have a memory of them just throwing some CDs around outside like frisbees#like i remember broken disc bits in our front yard#i also remember drawing treasure maps a lot and me and my middle brother would light the edges on fire to make it look authentic#i also remember putting rocks in the airhole to the tornado shelter we had in our front yard#listen the doors to it were big logs so we werent in need of using it any time soon. plus tornadoes dont occur around here#its still there. but ive never been inside it so i have no clue what the inside looks like#its just a hill with two doors aimed 70 degrees towards the sky. and theres an airhole hidden at the top of the hill#or it was an airhole until i shoved some rocks in it#🤗✨ oh well#anyway thank you raaiden for the ask :)#sorry i was too committed to the bit to send more opossums :( i hope you can forgive me :) >:)
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I long for the belt buckles to arrive.
(My crafting hobbies are at a standstill until I can finish my gambeson)
But when they do arrive!! Watch out!
#in other news! submitted a big scary application today#will submit all of the remaining paperwork as soon as I can make final edits on Monday#but on Sunday I will rest#(and probably marinate on how to improve my writing sample)#that said this coming week is shaping up to be a doozy#every single day of the week has at least one major event! some have two!!#I'm excited for all of them! I'm stepping into new roles that let me learn a lot by doing#but also! I will Need Sleep and rest as much as I can get#and food. Gotta plan my meals out so I remember to eat nutritious meals#if you spare a though for me play pray for strength and resilience and bravery#the future is scary and so is presenting in front of strangers#anywho! goodnight#hope y'all have a good week by God's grace#alsike rambles in the tags
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so Leon drives into Raccoon City in RE2make blasting grunge in his Jeep
Ashley has a scene kid outfit in RE4make
this tells me that the two of them probably have very similar tastes in music (don’t get me started on the grunge to alt metal to post-grunge pipeline LITERALLY EVERY FUCKER IN MY IRL FRIEND GROUP WENT THROUGH THIS though some of us also had pop-punk thrown in there also as well but that’s not important for this post)
and while I’m not saying outright that that alone means that the two of them have more in common with each other than literally any other two people in RE and so it was probably the first thing that they bonded over after getting home from Spain and becoming just, like. normal people again.
what I am saying is that there was at least one instance where they fucked in the front seat of his car while he had Bush’s Sixteen Stone album in the cd player.
and now you all have to fucking live with the curse of that thought now that I’ve said it and you’re welcome.
#resident evil 4#leon kennedy#ashley graham#eagleone#i got a free day off from work today bc no one remembered to put me on the schedule#so all the roles were filled lmao#and this is what i thought about on the way home#because why not i guess#I HAVE NO IDEA WHY MY BRAIN WENT 'SIXTEEN STONE IT HAD TO BE'#do you even know how long it's been since i last even *thought* about bush???#probably literal decades LMAO#and i was even like#nickelback would be funnier#stone sour would be funnier#breaking benjamin would be funnier#specifically jimmy eat world's 'bleed american' album would be WAY funnier#but my brain was insistent#and now this is the post#fun fact about me though#sixteen stone is the first album i ever bought with my own money
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*sits in here kicking my feet and twirling my hair*
What is Quincy's favorite time of day/night?
Does Rrenne personalize his cane?
What does Banni do when absolutely bored out of their mind?
Does Laamb have any specific accent in your mind?
What is Ollie's favorite place to tour?
Does Miriam have a blood type preference?
Do Tueggi and Liffeh have any hobbies only one finds entertaining?
Is Bran free on Friday when I'm free when he's free when i-
@mystery-salad
oooh ty!
Quincy - I think he likes night, just after the sun's glow is fully gone, when you can hear the millions of frogs and insects.
Rrenne - I think you may have mixed him up with Fillan, since he doesn't use one! Fillan hasn't yet, but really should, it's fun. They're still stuck in a "practical matters, visuals are frivolous" mindset :(
Banni - climbs trees, or plays their flute if they're not hit with creative block! There's also a chance for the zoomies and a tendency to wander.
Laamb - no specific accent comes to mind (how American of me), but she's got a soft, lilting voice
Ollie - Orr is what they know, and they've come to love its coasts! They like what they've seen of Ascalon, but the waterways aren't especially navigable and it's pretty intensive to hike by land. They thrive in the desert portions of Elona...but they hate walking through dunes. (Ugh, I can feel the phantom soreness already - every step is like being on an exercise bike with the resistance set to high)
Miriam - he's mildly allergic to...I think it was A+ specifically, but my memory isn't very helpful right now! Types themselves don't convey a strong flavor, but he likes feeding on people who are a little bit dehydrated because it's (allegedly, anyways) richer in flavor. All of that said...once blood is spilled, he's not able to stop drinking regardless of taste
Tueggi and Liffeh - well, I wouldn't say she doesn't find it entertaining, but Tueggi isn't really interested in baking, and it's something Liffeh does as much for utility as for fun. In the other direction, (and for obvious reasons) Liffeh can't get into wildlife spotting the way Tueggi does. She does like trying to identify bird and frog calls, though!
Bran - sdkfhkjsdf he may be. Depends on how full the infirmary is (and whether he's due for a dinner)
#as per that last one I just remembered how the person showing us the bug collection today said their snake-#1. goes a week and a half usually between meals and 2. once refused to eat for multiple months (but turned out ok afterwards!)#and honestly i think a weekly meal is more reasonable for bran than my original 3-day schedule#though ofc the longer the time between the more he'll need#if HE didnt feed for months there would be a very serious problem#anyways hiii fox ty!
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Star Wars (2020) #6... top 10 comics that make me want to eat rocks
#ITS SO GOOD#“I THINK IM BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND IT TOO” LIKE BROOOOOOOOO 😭😱💖😭😱💖!!!!!!!!!!#the fact that i left my trade with it at home is unforgivable#luckily im going home this weekend but like its not enough... i need to eat it#im suuuuuper behind on that run too#like 25 issues or smth#need to catch up but GOD the fight scene in that issue... unreal#been in an unusually sw mood today actually#!!!!!!! i just remembered i have star wars club later actually so that may be it#theyre doing trivia too which is my BITCH#fucking love trivia. full on bragging here but i went to nationals with my team 2yrs ago like we slay#and im def feeling it today#my bff here wont be there though bc shes at home (like home home) sick but still. i will destroy. and also likely be the only woman there.#YOOO AND TRIVIA BRO WILL PROBS BE THERE#one of the club members also did competitive trivia in hs so were bros#i think hes on the other team though 😬 but whatevs#gosh im getting distracted yay sw comics!#blah#star wars
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grgrhgahahh i wanna read more pokespe but i cant do it on my phone and im not unpacking my stuff until the morning
#this is not a real issue i am plenty entertained rn and also am going to be going#to bed soon anyways. i just am rlly in pksp mood#im in a pkmn mood in general lol ive been reading reguri fics as previously stated#but also i got back into legends arceus earlier today which i havent played in TWO YEARS. which is crazy#and man i fucking loveee playing pkmn i rlly hope they make the next#mainline game not half baked. i didnt get scarlet and violet bcuz of that :(#i had a playthrough of it in the bg but. its not the same#it makes me sad that im not up to date like i dont know any of the new#pokemon i dont know anything about SV's region or characters or story#i want to though. maybe ill get around to actually sitting down and watching a playthrough at some point#i also want to get caught up with pokespe in my reread so my first#experience w SV might be thru spe. which is weird to think about#thats never been the case for me with a pkmn game before#i mean. in terms of just being familiar w the game not playing it myself#i have not played every mainline pkmn game lol#my first one was pokemon pearl. which i never beat. but after that i#got alpha sapphire which i was CRAZYYYY obsessed with. i played that game to the bone til there was#literally nothing left to do other than grind to lvl 100 for the hell of it#pokemon moon is INCREDIBLY special to me for a number of reasons#mainly that it was my first pkmn game that i ANTICIPATED. i remember watching the trailers#over and over. every time they dropped new info i was eating it up. i remember when the starters final evos#were finally revealed i was so excited. and ofc the INSANITY that was the red and blue reveal. good times#but yes i similarly played the shit out of moon til there was nothing left to do. and it was the first one#where i was INCREDIBLY invested in the story. i cared and still care about the alola casrt#soooooo much they were literallyyy my friends. i drew them sooo much. and ofc lillie was one of my#most specialest little blorbos ever. i was in LOVE with her as a kid. it was serious#anyways and then i played pokemon sword which i also love dearly. i beat the main game but i#actually still havent finished the dlc.... but i also care very deeply about the galar cast and drew them a lot as well#and thats all not mentioning from my years long obsession with pokespe lol. but anyways yes#serena.txt
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even if it doesn’t seem like it, i do think i’m getting stronger every day
#thoughts#today was a good day. i was free all day but still had fun! went to get groceries and lunch w mom#and then had fun playing in the park with my nui and didn’t feel lonely~ the weather was beautiful#and even though it was hot i survived ^^ i was able to take care of myself and remember to eat on t8me#van.log
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Sitting here licking my bloodied lip and I think: I am sooo vampire coded.
#aria rants#i was... peeling the skin off my lips out of habit and now its bleeding a bit so now im lickin it and it tastes sweet btw#idk why my lips are pretty dry today-- OH! i forgot to put vaseline (the one specifically for lips) on it. well now i understand why#welp-- gotta make sure to remember that later then. anyway blood is pretty interesting cuz rn mine tastes sweet#but there are times when it tastes pretty metallic and something ive observed a lot is that whenever i eat fried fish#my blood would also taste like fried fish! even though ive alrdy washed my mouth. its pretty interesting to me#i should research about that actually cuz now im wondering about what affects the taste of blood
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I fucked up my right arm somehow (yay for getting old in your twenties) and then road tripped to a friends, 8 hours each way, holding way too much tension in my shoulders/arms the whole time. Now it hurts to even sit at my desk and move my mouse
#i got even more nothing done than usual at work today because it hurts :(#also eating meals with another person for a few days reminded me of how bad a job im doing at remembering to feed myself#3 meals a day? i dont know her#i really should though#its not doing me any favors cognitively thats for sure
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I went grocery shopping today and realized just how much stronger I've gotten since pre-recovery and now I suddenly don't wanna relapse
#also just had a rather great day that reminded me i can feel happy still#its hard to remember that when it hardly ever happens#idk if i can give up on losing weight though... and it was just one good day. i still need some way to cope :(#idk what to do. i want to be happy. i want this to be the last time i ever had to get better#but i also cant really do anything. i need something more#i guess ill take it one day at a time... though i will probably relapse if i do that#but fuck it I guess it is what it is#well see what happens#I just dont wanna lose all this progress :( and i dont wanna go through recovery again#last time with my ed was so incredibly traumatic. i thought i was gonna die#there would be days id binge eat (relatively 'normal' amounts of food but a whole days worth at once)#and it was because id think 'today could be my last day- i may as well eat what i want now'#but id be in so much pain and have extreme nausea for hours or days not to mention the mental anguish-#god. it was all just really awful. i want things to be better now
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In that lovely depression place where if I make a tiny mistake my brain turns it into ‘I’m a complete failure and I should just die because nothing I do will ever be enough’ which is just great
#tw suicidality#suicidality tw#I’m gonna be fine it’s a classic low mood caused by stress but it does suck#I’m trying to remember that my mental health having been so great I was unaffected by any symptoms and then getting worse does not mean I’ll#never feel that way again it actually means I will do I just have to get through this#which I will do. it’s just annoying as fuck#I also have to remember that knowing I’ll get through it and having skills does not mean I can magically get out of an episode#I can cut it short and make it easier but I can’t escape it right away so I just have to live in it for a while#this chronic bronchitis is just really stressing me out though#however I signed a lease for a place to live next semester 🤙 I just need to pay my deposit later today#and do a thousand other things but I’m at this great diner across the street from me and I’m trying to let myself eat out without guilt#so I can get through this easier#and I’ll survive :) and play euchre with my friends and watch buffy with my s/o tonight#anne speaks
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