#i remember why i got so into audiobooks now

[deergravity]

Oh jeez I can tell I've gotten too deep too fast with woe.begone because someone was telling me a real life story about a fuck up and my first idle thought was "hm I wonder if they'll issue a correction for that"

[13eyond13]

.

[hippo-pot]

can Tumblr start some discourse about Naomi Klein so I can make up my mind as to whether I’m comfy with her or not

[crushedsweets]

what do you think natalie and jack interacting would be like or. if they do at all or

jacks the only one taller than nat. ok i have words now

nat and jack met through toby, shortly after she was finally 'released' from the operator.

really it would just be nat and toby talking in jacks cabin, while jack listens. they never spent time alone together UNTIL toby and nat got into this massive argument and went weeks without speaking. this put nat on edge when she was at the barn that jeff usually crashed at, and she ended up also getting into a huge fight with jeff. so now she couldnt crash at tobys or the barn(when jeff was around) because she would get too angry.

so she went to the next place she deemed safe, jacks cabin. he accepted because he felt bad.

it was a really awkward night, but when she woke up jack awkwardly offered to make her breakfast because that's always how he was with his little siblings. she was kinda surprised, asked about it, and he awkwardly told her about how he used to cook a lot. she said smth about 'kinda ironic you dont eat this stuff then' and he just laughed. etc etc and they finally start actually talking.

natalies lack of filter and jack just accepting whatever the hell people say oddly works out...

she stays another night, she cleans up around the place because like. he sort of has like... echolocation and thermographic vision, so he gets around real easy and knows when there's stuff on the floor, but doesnt really see dust and dirt and whatever. he never even realized his place was kinda dirty and gets hella embarrassed and is like 'why the hell didnt anyone say anything' . he cleans a lot more thoroughly now. he gets so upset whenever he remembers all the times toby was there and said nothing LOL

theyre just.... so relaxed around eachother idk how to explain it. jacks always been pretty calm, and only got more quiet/distant after the sacrifice. natalie isnt super chatty but she keeps a decent conversation and he's oddly appreciative of her bluntness.

eventually they start talking about stuff they like. she shares that shes always liked stories, mentioned how toby tried reading to her bc she has pretty bad dyslexia but they thought it was cringe so she started listening to audio books, and jack was like holy crap. WHY HAVENT I THOUGHT OF AUDIO BOOKS. because hes always been a bookworm but cant read anymore on account of... well....

they listen to audiobooks together while doing their own thing. she'll be painting or something and he'll be cooking and it's overall pretty nice.

inevitably she ends up going back to the barn and her and toby reconcile, plus she doesnt really wanna live at jacks cabin cuz she sleeps on the couch and doesnt like to intrude more than she already has. but jack tells her she's always welcome

they never connect on a like, deep emotional level where they share trauma or something, but overall theyre just really good company

[yonderghostshistories]

My (Rambling) Eulogy for Graham Chapman

Today marks the 35th Death Anniversary of Graham Chapman, who was unfairly taken away from this Earth FAR too soon and FAR too young from throat cancer. He was 48 years old.

Graham means a lot to me, as you all may know. When I first started getting into Monty Python back in 2023, Graham was (and still very much is) certainly my favourite Python…but I wasn’t as obsessed (not in weird way though dw) with him like I am now. When 2024 hit, I pretty much became OBSESSED (again not in a weird way dw) with him, like I bought his autobiography (fittingly called “A Liar’s Autobiography”), the animated movie adaptation of “A Liar’s Autobiography” (2012), then a few months later I got the audiobook cassette tape of ALA (read by the man himself) and THEN a few months after that, I recently got the DVD of Graham’s college tours in America, called “Graham Chapman : Looks Like a Brown Trouser Job”.

This all may or may not sound kinda waffling and somewhat pointless when I listed them out to y’all (to which I get) but the reason I got these was because of my treasured love of Graham. I love Graham with all my heart’s desire.

Graham was (and still is) very much indeed a remarkable and unique human being. Not just for his comedy (Altho that is equally important as well as his creativity and unique style for it really benefited the entire group of Monty Python, if you know what I mean) but for his transparency for speaking about his personal problems and insecurities, such as speaking about his alcoholism. And not only that, he had genuinely really thought provoking and inspiring things to say about, not just his life, but for life itself and for other people as well. He was a gay-leaning bisexual, and he was proud of it as well! He, like Michael Palin, had the versatility of playing both straight (hehe) and serious characters (like the Colonel) as well as truly bonkers and crazy characters as well (like Raymond Luxury-Yacht (pronounced Throatwobbler Mangrove)) and he played these characters with absolute PERFECTION!

I think that’s why I relate to Graham so much. I mean I’m not an alcoholic obviously, but I do relate to certain aspects of Graham’s personality and his problems, and his bonkers attitude does remind me of my own ADHD and autism, or at least certain aspects of my own neurodivergency.

As sad as it is that he died way too young and way too soon in the late 1980s, I’m still happy and proud of Gray for having achieved sobriety very early on in the late 1970s, and having lived his last years of life with a certainly different and happier spirit!

I wish that if Gray hadn’t got throat cancer and had lived, I would’ve the chance to meet him, and aside from fanning out so much, I feel like we would’ve been best friends, or at least have a nice (if short) time together.

Graham Arthur Chapman, the bonkers yet brilliant man that he was, the wonderful and hilarious legacy that he has left on this Earth will live on forever and ever!

Graham Arthur Chapman, you will be missed….but….you will also be remembered for the craziness and emotionalness and hilarity that you’ve brung to the world.

Rest in Peace Graham Chapman (8th January 1941 - 4th October 1989), you’re not the Messiah, you’re just a very naughty Angel of a boy 😇🕊️🫶❤️…….

[mimicha-arts]

SGDLR Audiobook, Ep 33

The audiobook and new arcs are my blessing. I really love the 5th story and the final scene just knocked the ground out from under my feet. It's so sweet, so sweet. I really wanted to write it down and keep. Basically this post is a copy of my thread from twitter for the archive.

Friendly reminder, I'm not a native speaker, there is also no subtitles. I'm trying my best, but I can't hear everything and probably made mistakes. Please keep in mind, I wrote it just for reference.

For context: The client in this arc is Nannan. At the end of the case, after some time Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang come to the amusement park where they meet Nannan. The three of them have a rather funny convo, Nannan is also very cute, I think he’s a little bit not able to “read the room” <'D

In the end, Nannan asks why they both came here today, and Cheng Xiaoshi first says that they are just taking a walk, but a little later he answers more honestly - that his parents also took him to this park when he was a child, that’s why he and Lu Guang came here.

He feels awkward talking about it. But Nannan, who was also abandoned, understands Cheng Xiaoshi. Nannan even asks Cheng Xiaoshi “did he find anything” - Cheng Xiaoshi shakes his head negatively, then Nannan replies “neither do I”. And says that he still remembers that day he was abandoned, right down to what color his mother's dress was. It can be said that they understand each other, their traumatic experience very well. The final scene: Afterwards, Nannan leaves. Cheng Xiaoshi looks at his back, standing still, until - Until Lu Guang brings the lollipop to Cheng XIaoshi’s face, pokes at his cheek with it. Cheng Xiaoshi: What are you doing? Lu Guang doesn’t move, still holding the lollipop in his hand, his face doesn't express anything. After Cheng Xiaoshi doesn't receive any response from Lu Guang, he takes the lollipop from him, indignantly pulls off the paper wrapper and puts the lollipop in his mouth. Surrounded by soft morning light, Cheng Xiaoshi almost sees Lu Guang‘s smile. But before this smile is captured, Lu Guang hides it. Lu Guang: There aren't enough memories from the past, let's make some new ones He doesn’t wait for Cheng Xiaoshi’s reaction. After these words, he starts walking away without turning his head towards Cheng Xiaoshi. Cheng Xiaoshi didn't expect Lu Guang to say that. He freezes in place, doesn’t know how to react. Until Lu Guang turns to him, looks at him - by the narrative, at that moment they are both drowned in tender sunlight. Then, Cheng Xiaoshi thinks - that’s right, to make new memories. Cheng Xiaoshi moves, walks towards Lu Guang, walks towards “new memories.” Cheng Xiaoshi pesters Lu Guang with questions. He asks about where Lu Guang has got the lollipop. Then, assuming it isn’t from the nearest kiosk, asks again - does it even open or not right now? Lu Guang doesn't give him an answer. It all ends with following: Cheng Xiaoshi: Do you have more (lollipops)? Lu Guang: No Cheng Xiaoshi: Then I'll buy you one. Lu Guang, embarrassed, raising his voice: Don’t! Stop talking! Cheng Xiaoshi laughs back.

[pippin-katz]

I need a cast audiobook of RWRB. If no one else, then at least Taylor and Nick reading Alex and Henry. I need it in my life.

And in ACD fashion, here’s a few lists of lines/conversations from the book that I am desperate to hear them say. I want to hear them read all of the lines, but these are the ones that pop out to me!

Post Writing Note: These turned out to be way longer than I thought they were going to be 😭😂

Alex Lines:

Oh yeah, that was a wild night. Two whole keynote speakers. Nothing sexier than shrimp cocktails and an hour and a half of speeches on carbon emissions. - page 5

'Archnemesis' implies he's actually a rival to me on any level and not, you know, a stuck-up product of inbreeding who probably jerks off to photos of himself. - page 7

Jesus Christ, it’s like they can see into your soul. Cornbread knows my sins, Henry. Cornbread knows what I have done, and he is here to make me atone. - page 77

I always thought you’d kill me in a more personal way. Silk pillow over my face, slow and gentle suffocation. Just you and me. Sensual. - page 80

Shut up, shut all the way up, oh my God. - page 131

For fuck's sake, man, you just had my dick in your mouth, you can kiss me good-night. - page 145

What in the rich-white-people-sex-dungeon hell? - page 149

Bisexuality is truly a rich and complex tapestry. - page 194

Listen: I'll fly to London right now and pull you out of whatever pointless meeting you're in and make you admit how much you love it when I call you "baby". I'll take you apart with my teeth, sweetheart. - page 204

You don't get to sit up here and pretend like it's someone else's problem. None of us do. - page 209

i want to see a cage match between your grandmother and this fucking ghoul running against my mom. - page 221

I do think I got a gut feeling with you, I just didn't have what I needed in my head to understand it. But I kind of kept chasing it anyway, like I was just going blindly in a certain direction and hoping for the best. I guess that makes you the North Star? - page 244

Henry! Your Royal fucking Highness! - page 269

Really nice. Fuckin' ghost me for a week, make me stand in the rain like a brown John Cusack, and now you won't even talk to me. I'm really just having a great time here. I can see why y'all had to marry your fucking cousins. - page 270

I fucking love you, okay? Fuck, I swear. You don't make it fucking easy. But I'm in love with you. - page 271

I'll leave, as soon as you tell me to leave. - page 275

Okay, I'm into making history. - page 280

I completely fucking love you. - page 291

I'm there for whatever you decide you want to do, just, like, let me know if I need to start practicing gazing wistfully out the window, waiting for my love to return from the war. - page 296

AN INCOMPLETE LIST: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HRH PRINCE HENRY OF WALES Note: just the entire list, I need it, but I'll point out some of the best ones anyway lol

9. How hard you try. 10. How hard you've always tried. 11. How determined you are to keep trying. - page 303

16. Your huge, generous, ridiculous, indestructible heart. 17. Your equally huge dick. 18. The face you just made when you read that last one. - page 303

20. The fact that you loved me all along. - page 303

God, I want to fight everyone who's ever hurt you, but it was me too, wasn't it? All that time. I'm so sorry. - page 303

Listen, I'm telling you right now, I will physically fight your grandmother myself if I have to, okay? And, like, she's old. I know I can take her. - page 312

You and me and history, remember? We're just gonna fucking fight. Because you're it, okay? I'm never gonna love anybody in the world like I love you. - page 312

Sería una mentira, porque no sería él. (It would be a lie, because it wouldn't be him.) - page 317

but i've kissed your mouth, that corner, that place it goes, so many times now. i've memorized it. topography on the map of you, a world i'm still charting. i know it. i added it to the key. here: inches to miles. i can multiply it out, read your latitude and longitude. recite your coordinates like la rosaria. - page 319

give yourself away sometimes, sweetheart. there's so much of you. - page 320

Zahra, you're my mean friend. - page 339

I've never... I haven't been through anything like that. But I've always felt it, in him. There's this side of him that's... unknowable. But the thing is, jumping off cliffs is kinda my thing. That's the choice. I love him, with all that, because of all that. On purpose. I love him on purpose. - page 344

For what it's worth, that is the bravest son of a bitch I've ever met. - page 347

My life is a cosmic joke and you're not a real person. - page 371

You are, the absolute worst idea I've ever had. - page 372

FIRST SON ALEXANDER CLAREMONT-DIAZ'S ADDRESS FROM THE WHITE HOUSE, OCTOBER 2, 2020 - pages 372-375 Note: just, the entire speech, the whole thing

America: He is my choice. - page 374

Henry Lines:

Hmm, I always liked Luke. He's brave and good, and he's the strongest Jedi of them all. I think Luke is proof that it doesn't matter where you come from or who your family is--you can always be great if you're true to yourself. - page 45

The turkeys are not going to Jurassic Park you. You’re not the bloke from Seinfeld. You’re Jeff Goldblum. Go to sleep. - page 82

You are the thistle in the tender and sensitive arse crack of my life. - page 73

fucking eyelashes - page 142

I shall just have to make it the best orgasm of your life. What can I do to make it good for you? Talk about American tax reform during the act? Have you got talking points? - page 196

How is a man to get anything done knowing Alex Claremont-Diaz is out there on the loose? - pages 202-203

They wanted something less fruity than the truth, but truly, what is gayer than a woman who languishes away in a crumbling mansion wearing her wedding gown every day of her life, for the drama? - page 205

Someone else's choice doesn't change who you are. - page 229

Most things are awful most of the time, but you're good. - page 230

The phrase "see attached bibliography" is the single sexiest thing you have ever written to me. - page 241

Should I tell you that when we're apart, your body comes back to me in dreams? That when I sleep, I see you, the dip of your waist, the freckle above your hip, and when I wake up in the morning, it feels like I've been with you, the phantom touch of your hand on the back of my neck fresh and not imagined? That I can feel your skin against mine, and it makes every bone in my body ache? That, for a few moments, I can hold my breath and be back there with you, in a dream, in a thousand rooms, nowhere at all? - page 242 Note: based on the parts of this we did get to hear Nick say in the film, I think this would kill half the fandom lol

When have I ever, since the first instant I touched you, pretended to be anything less than in love with you? - page 272

I never thought I'd be stood here faced with a choice I can't make, because I never... I never imagined you would love me back. - page 273

The Mail will write mad speculations about where I've gone, if I've offed myself or vanished to St. Kilda, but only you and I will know that I'm just sprawled in your bed, reading books and feeding myself profiteroles and making love to you endlessly until we both expire in a haze of chocolate sauce. It's how I'd want to go. - page 294

Here lies Prince Henry of Wales. He died as he lived: avoiding plans and sucking cock. - page 298

"Because I'm not like the rest of the men of this family, beginning with the fact that I am very deeply gay, Philip." - page 298

But the first time I saw you. Rio. I took that down to the gardens. I pressed it into the leaves of a silver maple and recited it to the Waterloo Vase. It didn't fit in any rooms. - page 300

I thought, this is the most incredible thing I have ever seen, and I had better keep it a safe distance away from me. I though, if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire. - page 300

And then, inexplicably, you had the absolute audacity to love me back. - page 300 Note: I really wanted to just type out most of the page, but I restrained myself lmfao

I don't know if I would have chosen it yet, but it's out there now, and... I won't lie. Not about this. Not about you. - page 338

Bit short for a stormtrooper. - page 340

I've bloody well had it. I've sat about long enough letting you and Gran and the weight of the damned world keep me pinned, and I'm finished. I don't care. You can take your legacy and your decorum and you can shove it up your fucking arse, Philip. I'm done. - page 347

I've been as gay as a maypole since the day I came out of Mum, Philip. - page 353 Note: there's never too many times to hear the words "gay as a maypole" and the emotional infliction here is lot different lol

Both:

Am I offending you? Sorry I'm not obsessed with you like everyone else. I know that must be confusing for you. Do you know what? I think you are. Only a thought. Have you ever noticed I have never once approached you and have been exhaustingly civil every time we've spoken? Yet here you are, seeking me out again. Simply an observation. - page 18

This is idiotic. Let's get it over with. I'd rather be waterboarded. Your country could probably arrange that. Go fuck yourself. Hardly enough time. - pages 36-37 Note: yes, I know Nick read this part in his book-to-screen video thingy but it's not the same as having them both saying the lines fully in character.

What does Jedi have? Fuckin' Ewoks. Ewoks are iconic. Ewoks are stupid. - page 52

yo there's a bond marathon on and did you know your dad was a total babe I BEG YOU TO NOT - page 84

I'm going to die. I'm going to kill you. Yes, you are. - page 133

You were jealous. You want me. Yes, you preening arse, I've wanted you long enough that I won't have you tease me for another fucking second. - page 137

Hi. Hello. I'm gonna take your pants off now. Yes, good, carry on. - page 141

Ugh, you look ridiculous. Should I-- What? No, of course not, keep them on. Oh my God, what are you doing? I can't even look at you. No, Jesus, I just mean--I'm so mad at you. Just, come here. Fuck. I'm quite confused. Me fucking too. - page 150

I'm not... historically great at talking about things. Well, I wasn't historically great at blowjobs, but we all gotta learn and grow, sweetheart. - page 165

Bitch, you took me there. alskdjfadslfjad NORA YOU BROKE HIM - page 212

D'you know what I want? What? I want, to do the absolute last thing I'm supposed to be doing right now. Then tell me to do it, sweetheart. Fuck me. Well, when at Wimbledon. Just so we're clear, I'm about to have sex with you in this storage closet to spite your family. Like, that's what's happening? Right. Awesome, fucking' love doing things out of spite. - page 217 Note: I think this conversation could singlehandedly kill the fandom if we got to hear Taylor and Nick deliver these lines

Can't you ever just do one thing without having to be so goddamn extra about it? That is bloody rich coming from you. - pages 260-261

What do you want? I want you- Then fucking have me. -but I don't want this. - page 273

You seem... less pissy. You're one to talk. I wasn't the one who stormed the palace in a fit to call me an 'obtuse fucking asshole'. In my defense, you were an obtuse fucking asshole. - page 277

I honestly have never thought I deserved to choose. But you treat me like I do. You do. I think I'm actually starting to believe that. - page 279

What about you? What about me? Christ, Alex. The whole bloody time. The whole time? Since the Olympics. The Olympics? But that's, that's like- Yes, Alex, the day we met, nothing gets past you, does it? 'What about you,' he says, as if he doesn't know- Shut your mouth. - page 283-284

Hello, what was that for? I just, like, really love you. - page 286

What are you doing? I'm taking a picture of a national gay landmark. And also a statue. It's funny. I always thought of the whole things as the most unforgivable thing about me, but you act like it's one of the best. Oh, yeah. The top list of reason to love you goes brain, then dick, then imminent status as a revolutionary gay icon. You are quite literally Queen Victoria's worst nightmare. And that's why you love me. My god, you're right. All this time, I was just after the bloke who'd most infuriate my homophobic forebears. Ah, and we can't forget they were also racist. Certainly not. Next time we shall visit some of the George III pieces and see if they burst into flame. - page 289

If Alex from this time last year could see this. He'd say, 'Oh I'm in love with Henry? That must be why I'm such an arse to him all the time'. - page 387

Thanks for reading!! If you enjoyed this post & would like to support me, you can give me a tip on my Ko-Fi! ☺️

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

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123 for 🧟:

---

Buck feels relieved. She didn’t travel all this way not to have a support system in him. 

“Hershey didn’t get the worst of the outbreaks,” Maddie says. “Roads closed from Harriburg, and… Well, it was stemmed.”

Buck remembers that, from the early days. Before the internet went out. He’d tried to reach out. Even to his parents. 

“But everyone went into lockdown mode,” Maddie says. “At first I thought that would exclude me, being in healthcare. I thought I was needed more than ever.”

“Weren’t you?” Buck asks. 

“Oh, I think probably.” Maddie admits. “But Doug came home one day with new guns and told me neither of us was leaving the house again. Not without his say so.”

“What the fuck?” 

“I think he was happy, honestly. Society had gone to hell, and he didn’t have to be careful anymore.” Her eyes tear up a little. “He could do whatever he wanted.”

Buck’s blood goes cold. He knew Doug didn’t treat her right. Didn’t treat her well at all. But what she’s implying? If he had known… Oh god. He would have never left her. 

“Maddie…”

“Don’t say sorry,” she says firmly. “I worked hard to make sure you didn’t know, okay? It’s why… It’s why we lost contact.”

Buck’s head hangs a little. “I would have helped you.”

“I know. That’s why. He would have killed you.”

Buck sighs. “So what happened?”

“He got sick,” Maddie says. “Went out on a supply run one afternoon, came back sick. Infected.”

“Shit.” Buck hisses.

“So I shot him.” Maddie says, very quietly. 

“My god, Maddie.” Buck exhales. “I’m so sorry. That must have been awful.”

“It was,” she agrees. “But I wasn’t going to die there. Become infected or wait for him to fully turn and… Eat me.”

“I’m so glad you didn’t,” Buck replies. “I’m so glad you survived.”

“Me too,” she says, inhaling a little. Like she’s convincing herself. 

“Can I ask what happened to Mom and Dad?” Buck asks. 

They’re obviously not close. Never were. He hasn’t worried for them, the same way he’s worried for Maddie. But it’s not like he wishes them harm. Though, harm has come for most people anyway. 

Maddie shakes her head a little.

“I don’t know entirely,” she admits. “By the time I left and was able to check on them, the house was abandoned. No trace of them. No remains.”

Buck bites the inside of his cheek. So it will always be a question, then. 

“Sorry,” Maddie says. 

Buck shakes his head. “No, that’s… I mean, everyone has people like that, right?”

She nods. “I’m glad you’re not one of them, now.”

Buck throat feels tight. “Same with you.”

▪️▪️▪️

Buck starts his shift on cams after Maddie is asleep. He’s on from eight until two in the morning, when Bobby will switch with him. 

It sounds painfully boring, but Buck doesn’t hate cam shifts. He did at first. The stillness was grating. Drove him crazy. He learned to entertain himself, over the past months. He can’t read, really. He could miss something. But he can listen to music or audiobook CDs. Not just CDs, either. Karen’s iPhone is still in good shape, and it had dozens of audiobooks, podcasts, and music downloaded onto it. She leaves it in the cams room with a charger for whoever is on shift. So there is a lot for Buck to do to occupy his mind. Even if some of the podcast episodes and audiobooks start to get repetitive on the second or third listen. 

Tonight, he’s listening to a nonfiction selection of Karen’s. Something academic and a bit smarter than Buck. But the only way he learns is by challenging himself, so he’s trying to focus. It’s nearing ten o’clock. Most everyone has gone to bed. It’s been a long, tiring day. Full of activity. 

All this to say, Buck is surprised when he sees someone pop up on the security camera. Not just someone. Eddie. He’s walking, purpose in his step, down the hallway connecting to the front foyer, right out the big glass entryway doors. Oh. Well, that’s stupid. The doors lock from the outside. Bobby locks them before he goes to bed. Buck will have to leave his post to let him back in, which is annoying. 

He’s about to do as much, making the short walk to bang on the glass and let Eddie know, when what he sees on the screen stops him short. Eddie walks to the side of the building, leans against a brick wall, and starts to cry. 

Oh.

Well, this is very awkward. 

And, hey, there’s nothing wrong with crying. Buck has cried twice today. One over the radio, once over his sister returning. No shame in it. It’s just that, Buck has all the off-cam good crying spots down. Including his private room. This poor guy doesn’t realize Buck can see him. 

He shouldn’t watch. Surely no zombies or other forms of villain will come in the next… Well, how long does it take to cry? Buck doesn’t know. He doesn’t know anything about this guy. Other than that he saved Maddie. Really, the polite thing to do would be to turn away and give him a minute. He’s going to. Definitely. 

Except, he finds he can’t look away. 

Something in his heart cracks, watching this guy. He’d seemed friendly and collected earlier. Steady. Not like someone hours away from weeping. Maybe that’s just a front. Maybe he wants to seem tough in front of his kid. Buck thinks he could understand that, despite not being a parent. 

The crying lasts less than ten minutes. Buck watches Eddie straighten himself up, rub his eyes, and turn back towards the entrance. Which is still locked. Shoot. Buck bounces to his feet, leaves the cam room, and jogs down the hallway towards the entrance. By the time he reaches the door, Eddie is trying the handle to no avail, a panicked expression on his face. 

Buck reaches forward and opens the door. 

“Sorry, man,” he says. “It locks from the inside. Safety.”

“No, right,” Eddie nods. “That makes sense. Thanks for letting me in.”

“Don’t mention it,” Buck shrugs. Really. He literally saved Maddie’s life. Buck opened the damn door. Not the same level of effort.

“How did you know I was here?” Eddie asks.

Buck’s cheeks go a little red. “Uh…”

[solitaire-addict]

A deep dive into Solitaire, its Characters and Relationships

Solitaire is a deep, complex and entertaining book. Once opened, it becomes very hard to put down and it is the type of book you would read multiple times, listen to the audiobook version, and create a blog fully dedicated to. Solitaire has that kind of seasonal feel like when it snows for the first time and your feet are cold no matter how many blankets you put on or you’re nose keeps running because you’re outside waiting for someone to come pick you up and you’re putting your hands in fists because they might just freeze off. Solitaire isn't romanticized winter, it's the gross parts that make people hate the cold seasons but you still like them because it still has a nice feeling to it, even though it may be the end of you. Personally I have read solitaire in every season but Solitaire can't be beat in January, when everyone is stupid depressed and there isn't a point to living anymore.

 Victoria (Tori) Spring portrays this deep depression and bitter feeling that everyone feels at some point and she is the embodiment of the term “pessimistic complex”. While being a relatable character to everyone, I've found that she really strikes a chord with the Asexual/Aromantic community. In recent events, it has become canon that she is Asexual and most suspect she is on the Aromantic spectrum which seems reasonable due to her behavior around one Micheal Holden. Micheal Holden, who is Tori’s friend and co-investigator in the Solitaire mystery, is (at first glance) an upbeat and strange character. Micheal holds the role of curious, and a bit mysterious and his and Tori’s friendship forms from the fact that they both got curious and did the exact same thing. In many ways, these two are very similar and when thrown together by some force, Tori ignores this and uses some freakish defense mechanism that (to anyone else) would drive away the opposing force, however, Micheal is not an opposing force, or any kind of force for that matter. He’s just a guy who happens to be a little strange and who ice skates and is secretly mad all the time. When Tori and Micheal first interact, Tori does not in any way want to talk to this guy, in fact i bet she would rather have thrown herself out the nearest window than exchange more than two sentences at once. Michel wants to be friends with Tori, so much so that he will not stop showing up out of nowhere even if he doesn't mean to. Keep in mind that Micheal has no friends and Tori has one friend and that isn't even going well.

 Becky (who has been Tori’s best and only friend for quite a while) is popular. Not in the sense that everyone knows her, more so that everyone knows of her and a couple extending details, this leaves her feeling alone in the world and her only support is Tori, who frankly, is not doing well in the slightest. And of course they’re drifting, not quickly but over time, like a call that gets worse in audio quality over time. When Becky seeks support from Tori and wants to share things with her, Tori is disengaged, I'm sure she doesn't mean it but that still sucks when you’re the one who needs to talk. There are many versions of the book and in the first one when Becky tells Tori that she just had sex with her almost boyfriend. Tori is disappointed, she even goes on to say that it made her respect Becky more for being a virgin up until now. Now remember that the first addition of this book was released in the early 2010’s so it's a bit desensitized and there are probably better words to put it other than not respecting her as much anymore but it's still a good example of Tori’s distance and self isolation from the rest of her public life, which brings us back to her relatable self destructive tendencies. 

When with Micheal, Tori continuously keeps him locked out of her life. When Micheal tells her that he wants to be friends, Tori goes on a tangent about how she doesnt know why he wants to be friends and says “i'm not some manically depressed psychopath” and they get into a fight that ends with michael saying “well maybe you are a manically depressed psychopath” and everyone ever is disappointed because Tori cant let people care about her. There's a point where Tori and Micheal finally accept each other as people and decide not to question one another, they both care and they both are okay with that, Micheal is there when Tori needs him and Tori is there when Micheal needs her, it's one of the most beautiful things and their friendship and care for eachother is deep and true and it's my favorite thing in the universe. When Tori is about to get killed by a firework, when she's literally standing on the edge of death, when she's sat at home after Charlie's relapse Micheal Holden is there. Micheals constant anger has noticeably taken a toll on him and he has said “i'm always angry, other emotions just overrule it” he means that Tori’s presence is the emotion that overrules, not in a cheesy love story way but in the way that when you’re having a bad day and then you go home to your bed and take an advil and drink some water, it makes you feel better. Tori is Micheals bed, Advil and water, no matter how cold the bed is, or how gross the Advil is or how unfiltered the water is. She’s still there, overriding the constantly lingering aggravation with himself. When Tori’s about to kill herself, Michael is there to save her, pull her back into reality and even though Tori isn't okay in the slightest afterwards, Micheal is still there, and they still care, even if the water is muddy.

 In between the 4 month gap between Solitaire and Heartstopper, nothing is technically canon on what happens between them but 4 months later Micheal has proposed the idea that they confirm their relationship status as girlfriend and boyfriend and this scared Tori. Not because she doesn't like him in that way, but because she doesn't want him to get bored of her. Along with Tori’s asexuality being confirmed, it's also confirmed that Tori and Micheal had sex and Tori was sent a confirmation email for her ticket for the asexual train. Charlie and Tori’s conversation about this is very touching, Charlie brings up that he once said that if Nick never wanted to have sex with him, he wouldn't want to either and it wouldn't change how he felt about Nick in any way. This is an example of why Asexuals FLOCK to Alice Osemans writing, it focuses on the emotional connection between characters, not the sex and tension between them. Charlie reassures Tori that Micheal will understand and he most definitely will not get bored of her (considering that they canonically stay together for at least like 10 more years) Tori’s fear of a labeled relationship is an important factor within the idea that Tori is on the Aromantic spectrum, as an aromantic person, when a relationship that I’m in is labeled, it stresses me out. It creates this internal fear of commitment and that might be what Tori is experiencing. At the end of the page, Tori and Micheal are shown talking probably about her being asexual. My hopes are that Tori and Michaels relationship remains unlabeled because it's very important that different types of queer relationships are shown in mainstream media, especially ones that aren't labeled or inside queer norms. There's nothing like queer erasure from other queer people.

[12thbiologist]

I just got into the southern reach trilogy. Have listened to the audiobook of the first book and have now started actually reading it. But anyway, I had a thought. (May contain typos and non sensical statememts written at 00h30

The moaning creature is described in a later book at looking boar-like, right? And we know the Psychologist is able to hyponotise the others into seeing the abnormal things as normal.

When the boar attacks, the phrases 'it's face becoming stranger and stranger... inner torment... its head pulled willfully to the left... great cry of anguish'

And with the moaning creature:

This close the sound was more guttural, filled with confused anguish and rage

...

It was coming so fast, too fast. I could tell I wasn’t going to make it, couldn’t possibly make it, not at that angle... But then the way was clear, and from almost right behind I heard a high keening, and the feeling of the space, the air, suddenly filled, and the sound of something massive trying to brake, trying to change direction, and being pulled into the reeds on the opposite side of the trail by its own momentum.

But anyway, I'm wondering if the boar was maybe the moaning creature but they just couldn't *tell* it was the moaning creature because of prior hypnosis (i know the Psychologist didn't have time during the charge to hypnotise, but surely they had been hypnotised to see things as normal before that? After all, the biologist see the tower as stone until she gets the spores in her face.)

And, if the boar and the moaning creatuee are the same, whether it wasn't her brightness that allowed her to escape the moaning creature but rather it was whatever had caused the 'boar' to veer aside. Just, the imagery of the charges seem so similar to me.

OOH FASCINATING!!!! i have not seen this idea posed anywhere else but i really love it and i think it fits well. the moaning creature is not described as looking boar-like (the biologist never actually sees it), but i dont think that makes this any less viable. the vibes feel EXTREMELY similiar!!

its important to remember that before the biologist is exposed to the brightness, all of her narration and thoughts are completely unreliable and change at the whims of the psychologist. the psychologist can also give commands that are completely forgotten, but still followed. there are a couple times where the biologist thinks things that are completely out of character for her, so its evidence of the psychologist's tampering. i think the situation with the boar could be one of these times! the biologist thinks:

"There was no time for the psychologist to prepare any hypnotic suggestion designed to keep us focused and in control; in fact all she could offer was 'Don't get close to it! Don't let it touch you!'"

which is odd, to me, since it makes it seem like the biologist wanted to be hypnotically suggested AND its just wrong! the psychologist had plenty of time to suggest, the boar was coming towards them for long enough that the anthropologist started giggling. so probably a minute, at least. the psychologist suggests more complicated commands in less time later in the book, and she has no reason to assume it would take longer. so why is the biologist thinking of this?

maybe because the psychologist DID suggest to them, but didnt want them to catch onto the danger of what it actually is and especially didnt want them to open fire and anger it! i'd imagine the command was something like "You see a boar in front of you. You are too afraid to fire any weapons and are intimidated by it. You wish I had commanded you to focus. You won't remember any of this," or something. the psychologist may have had reasons to believe the moaning creature was extremely dangerous/infectious, so she probably wanted to avoid a real combat with it!

as for why the boar veers to the side and why the biologist is able to escape the moaning creature... i'm not sure! what the boar is experiencing sounds a lot like the brightness:

"Inner torment ... I had the startling impression of some presence in the way the gaze seemed turned inward ... A kind of electricity sparked in it's eyes that I could not credit as real."

the moaning creature, presumably, is the transformed form of the man the biologist finds in nasty shell form later on. maybe he was still in the beginning his transformation here (under the boar vision), so he has enough sense to veer away from an expedition team? but thats really just a guess.

i absolutely love this, 100% incorporating it into my canon of the story now. really really good find!!!! welcome to the southern reach fandom, you already found something awesome \o/ !

edit: aha! i was wrong! the moaning creature IS described as looking hog-like, in acceptance! i'll admit, its been a while since i read acceptance so i totally forgot about that. adds even more credence to this!

[paradoxcase]

Harrow the Ninth audiobook, Act 3

Harrow's memory of Crux giving her advice about her hallucinations just does not hit the same with the Moira Quirk Crux voice. When I was reading, at this point I was like, hmm, maybe I should reevaluate Crux slightly, but with the audiobook, the voice just sounds very incongruous

When Harrow talks to Ianthe about seeing G1deon with Cytherea's corpse, no precise description is in the text of the book, but it sounds like Ianthe expected something a lot worse than Harrow described, and then later Harrow tells John that she saw him "kissing" the corpse. Did Harrow actually just get all morally outraged about just a kiss?

I can't remember if I commented on it before, but Harrow says about G1deon that it was "as if he'd carried the name of a dead family pet" and I can't tell if this is some reaction that has something to do with Gideon or if she actually just thinks of Ortus as a "dead family pet"

John talks about G1deon killing Wake as if he were actually there when it happened, but he can't possibly have been, could he? If he wasn't there when Wake died, and had no idea that G1deon was having an affair with her, what does he actually know about how G1deon felt about killing her? He's not exactly a talkative guy. Mercy and Augustine knew that talking about Wake would get him to leave later on, too, but I don't think they were sharing a lot of info on her - he didn't know why Wake had a baby with her, for example

At some point a biscuit that was given to Harrow is described as a "repeatedly uneaten biscuit" which is definitely something

I can't remember if I noticed this the first time, but Harrow intentionally put all of G1deon's least favorite vegetables in the Trojan Soup so that he would eat more of the broth, haha

"The First Reborn" is used as an epithet for John at one point. Is John meant to have resurrected himself in the mythology?

After the Soup Incident, Augustine is looking "as if he had seen the ghost of someone he did not particularly like" which make me wonder what kind of stuff Anastasia got up to at Canaan House

Mayonnaise Uncle is in Harrow's River bubble, and he's acting just like himself, which I realize now must mean that his soul did not actually get consumed or corrupted by a devil thing after Colum's death. If they can really just infect anyone they injure, as is implied at the end of Nona, I wonder how he avoided that, since devil!Colum very much did fatally injure him

I pointed out before that later on in the River bubble they wind up congregating in the Second Lyctor lab, which seems to be relatively safe from Wake possibly because it belonged to G1deon and Pyrrha, but in this earlier part of the book they are also taking refuge in the quarters given to Judith and Marta as being the least leaky, and now I sort of wonder if they were given those rooms because they also had something to do with G1deon and Pyrrha and that's also why they're the least leaky in Harrow's bubble

Magnus, on the bad weather in the bubble: "It'll be a damned sight worse in the River." You know he's just extremely disappointed that Harrow is not able to see the joke, since I'm pretty sure both he and Abigail know what's up by this point

On Corona's "death" Abigail says "If she's gone, then perhaps that means--" and never finishes. I wonder if this is Abigail figuring out that Corona may still be alive

Ianthe says, "I wish killing [Naberius] had given me his needlepoint, too." I am actually kind of curious why it didn't, unless she means like, the actual physical pieces of clothing he embroidered or whatever and not the skill?

Harrow thinks she looks like her mother in the dress Ianthe makes for her, and then immediately says "I look like am imbecile." I know most people don't usually have positive thoughts about their mothers' senses of fashion, but even so this seems a little harsh

Augustine claims to be helping Harrow kill G1deon "for reasons of my own" and says that "he has caused me more pain over this past scant 40 years than I care to admit." When I read this originally, I just figured, of course Augustine dislikes G1deon, all my homies hate G1deon, because he'd said like three total words of dialog the whole book and done nothing but try to kill Harrow, but now I'm actually curious about this. Since they've known each other for 10,000 years and it's only the past 40 that have been a problem, this can't just be Augustine and G1deon not getting along for personality reasons the way that Augustine and Mercy don't get along (and also, Augustine never actually conspires to kill Mercy) so now I'm curious about what sort of falling-out happened between Augustine and G1deon in the last 40 years. I don't think it's just that Augustine was plotting with Mercy to kill John and G1deon was loyal to John, because I think Augustine and Mercy have been plotting to kill John for a lot more than 40 years. Was 40 years ago maybe when Wake first started to become relevant? Maybe Augustine and Mercy secretly conspiring with Wake to kill John at the same time that G1deon and Pyrrha were secretly fucking Wake caused some encounters between them that Augustine misinterpreted, honestly there could probably have been some hilarious Shakespeare-level dramatic irony here

Augustine says that Cristabel was a fanatic, which seems accurate to the account in Nona, but what was the object of her fanaticism after John resurrected everyone with no memory of Christianity? Although... Cristabel did help found the Eighth House, which honestly might sort of explain some things

John thinks BOE finding out about resurrection beasts must have been "an intelligence effort" since the resurrection beasts are classified information within the Nine Houses, which is hilarious as a concept after reading Nona, and G1deon does in fact correct him here that the only piece of actual intelligence they would have had to learn was where the fuck they came from

Ianthe goes on while drunk about being Harrow's sister, and it seems clear that she really wants Harrow to be like a replacement Corona

Harrow is mystified about why there is an incinerator on the Mithraeum and this question is ultimately never answered, although I guess it's possible that there will be an answer in the fourth book

When Pyrrha says "ba--" when talking to Harrow, it is not pronounced like the first syllable of "baby", which is kind of odd, since that's definitely what she was going to say. And she does definitely say she can feel Wake near or in Harrow, even though Wake is clearly in Cytherea's body at this point, furthering my suspicions that part of Wake's soul may still be in Gideon's sword even after Cytherea's body was shot at the end of the book. The voice also isn't different yet, but she is pretending to be G1deon here

[coulsons-fullmetal-cellist]

Bedtime Stories

(Dieter x horror loving female)

Words: 1, 426

Summary: thanks to this lovely idea from @nell4now I wrote this adorable idea where Dieter reads to his family even when he’s away

Warnings: pregnant reader, all the pregnancy nausea, so much wholesomeness so maybe have some tissues, Stephen King

Check out masterlist here

“‘The operation was called hobbling, Paul, and that is what I’m going to do to you. For my own safety…and yours as well. Believe me, you need to be protected from yourself. Just remember, a little pain and it will be over. Try to hold that thought.’

Terror sharp as a gust of wind filled with razor-blades blew through the dope and Paul’s eyes flew open. She had risen and now drew the bedclothes down, exposing his twisted legs and bare feet.

Seriously honey cakes, you want me to read this?”

You opened your eyes and looked over at your husbands concerned face. Humming an affirmative, you nodded your head.

“Won’t this make you more nauseous?” he asked.

“Your voice is soothing.”

“It’s not your favourite voice though?”

You gave a little smile, “It’s in my top five of sexiest voices.”

“Top five? Wow, I’m honoured.”

“There’s a lot of sexy voices out there,” you rubbed your stomach. “Yours is the Things favourite.”

Dieter put his hand over yours, “Am I your favourite, cupcake?”

“Don’t talk about food or I’ll vomit.”

“So back to the crazy violence?”

“Yes! The Thing wants violence!”

“Aw,” he patted your stomach. “You’re already taking after your mama!”

*****

This tradition of Dieter reading to you started when you got pregnant. Trying various ways to distract yourself from the constant nausea, the only thing that brought comfort was your beloved horror. While watching a film, you’d end up falling asleep to the sounds of mindless teenagers falling victim again and again to the slow-paced serial killer. You’d wake up hours later with a blanket draped over you and a fresh glass of water on the table.

Reading also helped but it was hard to keep your eyes open. Dieter quickly learned that the best way to soothe your battling body was to read to you, his voice providing a gentle hum, the perfect vibration to cancel out the painful buzzing of nausea. It was so comforting to cuddle up with your husband while he read the words of your favourite books.

Sadly, he wasn’t able to read to you every night. He made himself busy so you wouldn’t have to work, and it would leave him with plenty of paternal leave once the baby was born. Technology helped in some ways but not always. Lying in bed with a few good pillows to prop you and your growing bump up, you answered your phone, Dieter showing up on screen.

“Hey honey cakes, sorry I haven’t been able to call later, filming has been hectic and-you’re lying in bed. Have you been sick again?”

“No, it’s just a pain in the arse to move around. Have you tried moving around with a watermelon attached to your stomach?”

“I’d have to check over my filmography.”

You both laughed but you stopped and shifted, letting out an uncomfortable sigh.

“Are you okay honey cakes?”

“Yeah, the Thing is just excited to hear you.”

“Hey cupcakes,” he addressed your stomach. “Have you been missing daddy?”

“I had to find something to stop the summersaults. I ended up using some audiobooks you did.”

“I did some audiobooks?”

“Yeah, I never knew you did the audio for Never Go Down to the Neverwoods. That’s my favourite werewolf trilogy. I liked that the main character Celina was a female werewolf. And it had creative werewolf lore with original werewolves being priestesses of Artemis and…”

“I narrated a werewolf series?”

You described the story to hopefully trigger a memory. “Small town suffers strange animal attacks which turn out to be a werewolf.”

“Sorry but when I read things out loud, it goes in one ear and out the other. But not with you, I’d never with you.”

“I know,” you sighed happily. “You probably don’t remember some chapters. Had to skip them.”

“Really? Why?”

“Sheriff Luca and Celina finally get together and have some babies, so it gets a bit spicy.”

“I really must’ve not been paying attention because I’d remember some spicy reading.”

You laughed, “So how is it on the other side of the country?”

Dieter sighed, “I tell you; I’m bored out of my brains here.”

“Do you have enough yarn?”

“Thankfully yes. And this small town is big enough to have a small yarn shop. I’m nesting now. Actually, let me show you what I found yesterday.”

He moved out of frame for a second and came back trying to move his object into frame. You managed to see a set of books.

“I found the complete Winnie the Pooh stories!” he declared. “It’ll fit great with the nursery.”

“That’s so sweet!”

“I can’t wait to read them,” he wiped a tear from his eye.

“You know, could you read them out now? Record them I mean.”

“You’d like that?”

“I know someone who’d like it,” you said rubbing your stomach.

*****

Clara loved it when her father read to her. Dieter noticed this early on as she’d always give a wide grin whenever he’d talk to her, smiling a toothless grin. Eventually she would understand the words he was saying, and she went on a magical journey every night before bed.

“Now one day Pooh and Piglet and Rabbit and Roo were all playing Poohsticks together. They had dropped their sticks in when Rabbit said ‘Go!’ and then they had hurried across to the other side of the bridge, and now they were all leaning over the edge, waiting to see whose stick would come out first. But it was a long time coming, because the river was very lazy that day, and hardly seemed to mind if it didn’t ever get there at all.”

“Can we play?” Clara asked looking up at him.

“You want to play Pooh Sticks?” she nodded. “Of course we can cupcake. We’ll do it as soon as I’m back.”

Dieter wanted to be there at every bedtime but sadly, his work didn’t make that possible. He was sad to leave his family as he went off to be several states away.

The timing became terrible as Clara came down with a terrible fever that warranted a trip to the emergency room. Thankfully it wasn’t as bad as you thought, your motherly instinct taking it to the extreme. Coming back home after a few hours with medication, Clara was put straight to bed, your bed as you wanted to keep her close. She was still restless with fever, so you put the headphones over her ears like you did when you put them across your pregnant bump. As soon as the dulcet tones of Dieter’s voice played, your daughter instantly calmed and fell into a deep slumber.

You only informed your husband once Clara’s illness was in the clear as he would have come straight back home. He did still call you as soon as he was able.

The ringing of your phone woke you from your slumber. You quickly forgave it as it was Dieter calling, soon seeing his face on your screen.

“How is she? How are both of you?”

“She’s fine. We’re fine. It was just a small fever.” You moved the screen so a sleeping Clara could fit onto your screen.

“She’s sleeping next to you?”

“It made sense. You’ve spoiled her with cuddles.”

He sighed, “I do. And I spoil you with cuddles.”

“Cuddles are nice.”

“She can’t wait until she gets cuddles from you again.”

“Has she been missing me much?”

“Only a little. I brought out your recordings to help her sleep.”

“Really?”

“Really really.”

 “Glad those recordings helped you again. Tell her I found the perfect place to play Pooh Sticks.”

“I will. Love you Dieter.”

“Love the both of you.” He put his fingers to his lips and held them up to the screen and you did the same.

*****

The recordings were used every night while he was away. Clara would happily listen to a story every night. But before she closed her eyes, she’d say “Night night daddy.”

This left you confused until you decided to listen to the recordings. You never heard them in full as the stories were purely for your daughter. Rewinding a little, you listened to the ending. What you discovered brought a tear to your eye.

“So they went off together. But whenever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the Forest, a little boy and his Bear will always be playing.” There was a pause then Dieter said. “Night night cupcake, daddy loves you.”

Lovingly tagging @boliv-jenta @simpingcowboy @ellenmunn @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @chaithetics @myloveistoolittle @cevans-is-classic @glshmbl @cupcakehp @gswizzsstuff

[dipstick-university]

i'm further processing my decision to move away from wifi, and so i'm trying to make a list of all the ways i have attempted to lessen unnecessary internet use. almost every tactic worked a maximum of three times and then i forget about them and went back to my ways:

scheduling when i can access the internet

setting time limits which i immediately turn off

buying $100 software that i eventually figure out how to turn off and forget to turn back on

hiding the phone somewhere inconvenient

turning the wifi off

only looking at the phone while standing up

using one of those cute grow-a-flower app (that one was actually nice and felt good and i should try it again)

physically giving my phone to someone nearby to 'hold onto' but then feeling too embarrassed to ever repeat the experiment

going a full day without (i always forget by like 11 am)

keeping my phone away from my bed (i go to sleep to audiobooks and i can't not. this is the actual most deeply ingrained habit and drives me nuts. i get a nice little kick knowing i get to lay in my bed, do crossword puzzles and listen to scifi)

setting the screen to black and white

pomodoro timing breaks of 20 min on 5 off

deleting all social media and scrolling apps

turning the damn thing off

taking up genuinely more fun hobbies

changing my screen wallpaper to remind myself to use the phone less

putting something around the phone that i then immediately forget to put back on

all the mindfulness stuff of examining why i compulsively check it (boredom, anxiety, a way to distance from larger feelings)

having only a flip phone for two years (i got lost soo often and i had to write everything down in a notebook because the phone was so poorly made. but i still loved it and i only gave it up because a friend very aggressively gifted me an iphone 5se that i still have)

the only thing thats actually lowered my usage is regularly reading communities like r/nosurf and going through their recommended book list. i knew that big tech was pretty evil, but hearing about it repeatedly in longform is forcing me to absorb it fully. really, all these books are just asking what the fuck we're doing here. everyone knows its not great for us and yet we continue on for the assumed benefits. isnt that one of the major signs of actual addiction?

and i hope it comes across that i say this with complete empathy for all of us. no judgement. it is just surreal to be in a crowd of people staring at their phones and feeling im the only one being so crabby about a social norm. i know im not and yet...!

i was at a party saturday and someone (can't even remember his name but it still felt important to cite that it was him) mentioned how to make art you now have to be a master of social media--a conversation for a different time--while also having the self control of an ascetic who can deny the siren call of checking checking checking the internet.

this combination makes it almost impossible for so many of us to make art, let alone have commercial success with it. so i ask again: what are we doing?

[solaris-amethyst]

🪻Cappuccinos and peonies🪻

✨Pairing: Hendery x gn!reader ✨Chapter 1. Y/n and Ten are informed by Sicheng about the newest collaboration between his flower shop and the coffeeshop on the other side of the street. Y/n get to go over with some flower arrangements and also see the cute barista they've had a crush on since January. ✨Genre: Flowershop au x coffeeshop au, romance, fluff, angst in future chapters ✨Word Count: 3.3k ✨Tag list: ☀️Authors Note: Hello all! This is the first chapter of an 8 part series I am working on! Do let me know if you'd like to join the tag list for this series🥰 <Next>

The day started out in a slow fashion, getting on the early morning bus, which was practically empty, sitting near the window and watching the sun color the sky in a bright orange. It was beautiful to see every morning, to see how the sun worked it’s magic onto the sky and the buildings and trees in your city. That time of the day never failed to amaze you despite seeing it almost every morning whilst going to work. The orange reminded you of the new flowers that came in yesterday, the marigolds, poppies, hibiscus and begonias. It brought you a sense of serenity thinking back on the flowers, their orange hues varying but still shining brightly. 

You glanced down at your phone to see the time saying 6:10. It was early, some of your friends had thought it was way to early to be up at this hour and had questioned why a flower shop opened that early. You had told them time and time again that your shift started at 7:00 but the shop opened at 8:00, it’s just that you and your colleague enjoyed having that extra time at the shop. Figuring out the daily bouquet that will be sold next to the monthly bouquet or perhaps rearranging things whilst listening to some relaxing music or an audiobook the two of you were listening to together. And the fact that you and Ten, your colleague, had started a ritual every morning. Getting your preferred drink at the coffee shop and a pastry to enjoy in the morning as you worked slowly until the owner of the shop arrived at 6:45 to go through the day with you two and be just as present in the shop as his employees.

Ten had been so happy yesterday when all the flowers were delivered and the two of you could start to unpack them whilst decorating the shop that you knew that he’d be buzzing with energy when the two of you arrive at work. You would not deny it, seeing all the flowers and new pottery and decorations to put up always made you feel the same kind of happiness. Sicheng had been away during the day letting the both of you know he was working some things out with the owner of the coffeeshop on the opposite side of the road of the shop. He had promised that he’d tell you two today what the meeting had been about and if they had been successful.

It takes you 30 minutes before the bus stops at the stop 10 minutes away from the shop. Ten is standing outside waiting for you as you get of the bus. He smiles at you and the two of you embrace before walking together, linking arms as you two chatt about anything and everything.

”Do you think Sicheng will tell us today what he and the owner, I think his name is Kun? Talked about yesterday when they had that meeting?” Ten inquires curiously and you nods confidently knowing that Sicheng rarely kept things from the two of you. 

”Yeah, you know he rarely keep things away from us, he’d let us know if it was positive or negative.” You look at Ten before continuing ”Remember how he came and told us immediately after he got off the phone when he bought the building we are in now? All excited running up to us with a big grin telling us how he will finally start his dream.” 

”Yeah i remember that. He was so cute when he cheered loudly.” Ten said and you nodded agreeing that Sicheng had been cute when he had cheered loudly. 

”Or that time when Sicheng came and told us about that fiasco with the bride who refused to pay for the flowers we had fixed that he delivered and how he got kicked out of the wedding. He was devastated that we lost out on the money and that he couldn’t take the flowers back without them attacking him.” Ten hummed and you nodded trying to fight back the anger that would bubble up within you whenever you thought about that day.

Sicheng always wore his heart on the sleeve when he was around you and Ten. He had been devastated that day and had sobbed on the phone when he had called the two of you once he was in his car to tell you both what had happened. That day you and Ten had traveled to that venue and cussed some people out and caused a scene because no one treats your friend and boss badly like they did and on top of that refuse to pay him for a service they had booked. To outsiders Sicheng sometimes looked cold and unapproachable but that was far from the truth. He was silly and kind and loved being around the flowers and plants in his shop.

You would sometimes catch him in the back of the store reading some stories to a little plant he had bought, claiming that reading and talking to the plants helped them grow. Sometimes he’d hum lowly as he worked as well. Sicheng was just that person who was incredibly kind to others and you felt lucky he was not only your friend but your boss as well. 

”I’m looking forward to today. I even know exactly what to order at the café. Have you decided what you wanna order?” You ask Ten and he nods.

”Yeah I was thinking of a latte and one of their bagels and then a muffin. Good way to start this day.” He admitted

”Their bagels are to die for! One of their servers, I think his name is Dejun, always warms mine to perfection and it never fails. I hope they got the egg and bacon bagel today. Or the salmon one.” You tell him as you get closer to the store and the café.

Once the two of you got closer to the building, you quickly opened the door allowing your friend to step inside first. Dejun was the only person inside, soft music was playing as he was setting things up slowly. Hearing the door open and close he looked up and smiled once he saw who it was.

”Good morning you two! How are you today this early morning?” He asked as he moved closer to the register where the two of you were waiting with a kind smile.

”A bit tired as usual but otherwise really good.” You told him with a smile as he nodded.

”I’m great! We got a bunch of flowers to work with today so I’m super excited.” Ten told him and Dejun chuckled.

”Thats great!” 

”How are you today Dejun?” You asked and he smiled ever brighter at you.

”I’m good now that you are here.”

”Eugghhhh keep your flirting away from me!” Ten pretend to barf looking disgusted as you shove him harshly, fighting the heat that is climbing up your cheeks.

”Ignore him Dejun.”

”Anything for you.” He winks before continuing ”What can I get the two of you today? A drink? A bagel?”

”I’d like a cappuccino and a egg and bacon bagel if you have one? And perhaps a carrot muffin too?” You inquire and he writes it all down before looking at Ten.

”I’d like a vanilla latte, a salmon bagel and a blueberry muffin please.”

”Sure! Please sit down while I get started on both of your orders. To go right?”

”Yes please that would be great!” 

”Perfect.”

Ten rolled his eyes at you two as the two of you sat down at the table, he always found it annoying when Dejun flirted with you, cute, but annoying nonetheless. It was like seeing someone flirt with a younger sibling or something for him and he never hid it from you. You on the other hand found the flirting a bit funny from time to time but more often than not would you wish in the back of your mind that it was the other cute barista that would flirt with you and not Dejun.

”Don’t roll your eyes at me Tennie!” You pout as you kick his foot under the table.

”Ow! Don’t hit me!” He hisses back at you leaning down to nurse his leg.

”That’s what you deserve for doing that!” You tell him before picking up your phone to just doom scroll until Dejun called for the both of you.

”I can’t stand the sight of him flirting with you every day!” Ten starts leaning over the table to whisper ”How would you feel if I flirted with a regular customer of ours that is your best friend or a younger sibling?” He asked

”Ten… he’s not actually flirting with me you know that. It’s all a bit of fun, like playful flirting the way you and I sometimes playfully flirt with each other.” You bit back and he groans leaning back into his chair again.

”If that’s what you want to call it then fine. Be oblivious.” 

You were just about to respond to him when Dejun called the two of you over, letting you know all the things you bought where ready to go now.

The two of you walks up to the counter where to paper bags where neatly next to each other and two cups as well.

”Thank you Dejun. It means a lot.” You tell him with a thankful smile as you take the bag and your cappuccino.

”You’re welcome Y/n. It always makes me happy to be able to make the start of your day a little bit easier.” 

”Let’s go Y/n! We got flowers to arrange!!” Ten calls from the door wanting to get away from the one sided flirting as quickly as possible. 

”Wait for me! Bye Dejun! Have a great day!!” You call before rushing after your friend who’s already at the other side of the road opening the door to your shop. You can hear Dejun calling out for you to have a great day as well before the door shuts. You manages to get inside before Ten closes it shut and locks it again so no outsider can come in while you two work and enjoy your breakfast.

”You don’t have to be so rude to him Tennie!” You tell him with a huff as you put down your bag and coffee on the table. Handing him your jacket since he motioned for you to give it to him so he could hang it up with his own.

”I can’t stand hearing him flirting with you. Eugh!” He makes a face before continuing ”Like he gotta know you’re not interested in him, like you got feelings for his coworker not him.” He says

”Well yes, but like I said its just playful banter and friendly flirting he doesn’t actually mean anything by it! Now sit your ass down so we can enjoy breakfast before we start unpacking again!” You tell him, pointing to his chair as you lean back connecting your phone to the speakers and putting on some calm classical piano music for you two to enjoy.

You sit mostly in silence, enjoying your bagels and having light conversation from time to time. Ten tells you about his cats, Louis, Levi and Leon, the glimt in his eyes as he tells you about their shenanigans is lovely to see. You love watching someone light up with that love and passion when they talk about something they love dearly. You often wonder if you light up the same way he does when you talk about something you’re passionate about and if others noticed it. 

The fear of talking passionately around people wasn’t always there for you. Before him you used to be very open about all of your interests but now there are few you tell about what you like. Fearing being judged like you had been before, it was easy being open around Ten and Sicheng, they were your best friends, they were kind, loyal and loving in the unconditional way. But around others it was hard, hard to open up and move past what had happened back then.

”Hey, you okay?” Tens soft voice could be heard, it was laced with concerned and he had reached across taking your hand in his gently. ”You were zoning out.” He explains and you can feel your cheeks heating up.

”Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore what you were saying. I just got lost in thought.” You told him.

”That’s okay, wanna talk about it? You looked a bit upset?” He inquires and you just shake your head not wanting to talk about it and Ten being the amazing friend he is didn’t push you. He never did unless he felt it was serious enough that he needed to know what was going on to be able to help you properly.

It doesn’t take long after you have opened the store for Sicheng to walk through the doors. He looks a bit tried which is evident by the slight darkness under his eyes but his smile is bright and cheerful as he sees the two of you.

”Good morning you two! I have some great news!!” He said before going up to hug the both of you causing you both to laugh.

”Okay what is going on? I haven’t seen you this happy since the day Leon cuddled up to you when you were sick?” Ten says happily looking at him curiously.

”So yesterday I had a meeting with Kun who is the owner of the café at the opposite side of the road and we came to an agreement of collaborating between our two shops! So we will decorate their shop with some flowers and also make some lighter flower arrangements for them to sell throughout the week and they will come over with some sweet treats for us to sell as well and for a limited time both stores will allow a 15% discount if you show your receipt from the other store!” He told you both, gesticulating wildly with his hands.

It was clear he was so excited. Sicheng had often spoken about ways to expand and reach more customers whilst still only having this one store and now it seemed like he had a good way of perhaps encouraging more customers to step foot into the humble little flower shop he worked so hard to keep afloat.

”That’s amazing Sicheng!!” You exclaim before hugging him and celebrating with him excitedly.

”No wonder you’re so giddy!” Ten chuckles watching the two of you dance around the store fondly.

”Now we gotta fix some pots to bring over to the shop. They’re expecting us to come over at around 11:00 so we have no time to waste!” He said quickly ushering the two of you to start working with him.

It took the three of you roughly three hours to put together flowers and greenery in pots, making enough flower bouquets and arrangements they could sell that would last them the week out. The time had been spent with lots of laughter and arguing about what would fit the quaint little shop. Sicheng argued that bright colors were out of the question whilst Ten argued that the pop of colors was exactly what the coffee shop needed dubbing it as dull and boring. Causing you to hit his arm and let him know the shop was not boring and dull it just had a different aesthetic from his own personal preferences.

”Okay I think we shall be able to walk over now, Kun just texted me that him and his two co-workers are waiting for us to arrive. So Y/n you take the flower bouquets, Ten takes the arrangements and I take the pots. We’ll put up a sign saying we’re away for a while before we leave so any potential customers knows to come back a little bit later, okay?”

”Sure sounds good bosscheng.” Ten grunted as he picked up the big basket of all the arrangements and Sicheng rolled his eyes at the nickname Ten had given him way back. 

”Good then we should go now.” He said as he quickly put up the sign and you picked up all the bouquets.

There were so many you could barely see anything when walking. Ten had to guide you vocally to make sure you wouldn’t trip when crossing the street or walk into a door or lamppost. It was a struggle to say the least to get though the door, you felt so awkward as you groaned when you first got stuck until Sicheng gave you a nudge making you go through the door. The only problem was you almost fell forward had it not been for two arms catching you, stopping you from hurting yourself and destroying the flowers.

”Watch it next time.” A voice said and you almost froze when you heard it. You’d recognize that voice anywhere. It was the cute barista, the one guy you had had your eyes set on since January, the one person who made your heart beat faster every time you saw him. At a distance he always seemed cheery and happy, him and Dejun always laughing and chatting but now he sounded cold and irritated and you could only swallow the lump in your throat before looking sideways at him.

”I-i’m sorry I didn’t mean to slip… I’ll be more careful next time.” You told him timidly and he just gave a silent nod before letting you go and walking away.

”Ey Hendery! Be nice to my favorite customer!! You’re okay right sweetheart?” Dejun chastised his friend and co-worker before checking on you and you could only nod, hoping and praying that Hendery wasn’t angry with you. Perhaps you had just ruined any chances you had of getting to know him better just now.

”Ignore him okay? He’s just in a bad mood because he lost a bet and have to clean the bathrooms today.” Dejun tried explaining to you but a part of you couldn’t believe what he was saying. You had seen the look in Henderys eyes and seen how cold and stiff he was.

He wasn’t happy with you at all.

”Welcome you three! I’m so glad to have this partnership with Sicheng and the two of you! My name is Kun! I’m the owner of this place.” A young man with a pair of glasses introduced himself to the three of you.

He was handsome you noted and he had a lovely smile that made him look very kind. He was so welcoming and excited to help the three of you put your stuff away and tell you where to put things. Both him and Dejun helped out decorating the place and putting everything away. During the hour it took you could feel Henderys eyes on you during multiple occasions and you couldn’t help but worry the cute guy you had a crush on was now keeping an eye on you so you wouldn’t make a mess or a fool out of yourself again.

”Earth to Y/n??? Helloooooo???” Ten waved his hand in front of your face with an annoyed face. ”Are you going to ignore me again today??” He pouts ”I asked if you were done with your section and if we could head back to the shop?”

”Uhhh yeah yeah sure. I am done with my section let’s go!” You grab his hand and drags him towards the door.

”Thank you Kun! Dejun! Hendery! We look forward to be working with you!! Byeee!!” You said hastily before rushing over the street still dragging Ten back into the shop and quickly closing the door leaning against it with your back before looking at your friend and saying dramatically:

”Well that went shit.”

”What? What are you on about?!”

[navigator-vahnya]

I’ve been listening to the Thrawn 2017 audiobook with my husband on our way to and from work. We just finished the Dromedar incident and got to the part where Captain Rossi gets all pissed off at Thrawn for saving the Dromedar’s crew instead of the Tibana gas. She suspends him, but then Thrawn razzle-dazzles her with some reverse psychology, getting her to kick Eli off the Blood Crow along with him. For those that don’t remember, the convo goes something like this:

Rossi: “One word out of you, Ensign, and your ass is staying behind on Ansion too.”

Eli: *seethes silently*

Thrawn: “i’M sUrE EnSigN VanTo WiLL bE Of gReAt VaLuE tO yOu On tHe ReMAiNDeR oF yOuR PaTroL.”

Rossi: “On SECOND thought, I can hardly deprive my extra special lieutenant of his aide. Congrats on the extended shore leave, Vanto. Peace, bitches.”

Eli: *surprised pikachu face*

At this point, shaking his head in disbelief, Ricky paused the audiobook. This was the conversation that followed:

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Ricky, exasperated: “Why is Thrawn OBSESSED with Eli?”

My brain, who’s an unapologetic Thranto shipper: «Where do I even BEGIN? Let me launch into a detailed monologue on how Thrawn and Eli are actually soulmates, only at this point in the story, Eli doesn’t know it yet.»

But in reality, I don’t want to sway his opinion, and I’m really curious about his unadulterated take on the Thrawn trilogy, so all I said was this:

Me: “Why do you think Thrawn is obsessed with him?”

Ricky: “I dunno, because he keeps manipulating his life? First he asked Palpatine to put Eli with him. Then he pulled that shit to get Eli assigned to the Blood Crow instead of the job he wanted. Now he’s getting Eli kicked off the Blood Crow too. Wherever Thrawn goes, he’s making sure Eli comes with him. Seems pretty obsessive to me.”

Me: “Hmm…”

Ricky, thoughfully: “…Is Thrawn in love with Eli or something?”

My brain: «Yes. Definitely.»

Ricky, not waiting for an answer: “Well, my man Eli better watch his back. Thrawn seems like the kind of dude who’s got people chained up in his basement.”

My brain: «Yep. I’ve definitely read that fic before.»

Me: “Lucky for Eli they don’t have basements in space.”

Ricky: “Are they still roommates? He might not actually need a basement…”

My brain: «And they were ROOMMATES!»

So I really enjoyed my husband’s take for several reasons. Firstly, he picked up right away on the fact that Thrawn’s early relationship with Eli was super manipulative. When I first read the book, I think I was wearing Thranto-colored glasses. I only saw the things I wanted to see. Like how Thrawn saw potential in Eli and wanted to cultivate it. Or maybe it was the bonding experience of Thrawn and Eli both being outcasts together, “the Wild Space yokel and the Unknown Regions alien”; they could succeed when all those core-worlders wanted to see them fail. But in reality, even if he did indeed see potential in Eli, Thrawn screwing around with his whole life and career was hella manipulative. Of course I know now that Thrawn wanted to keep him close because there was concern of Eli being a spy or even a Grysk plant. Even though he did indeed come to appreciate Eli’s unique talents over time, that’s not why he kept him close at first. But I was impressed that Ricky immediately called Thrawn’s behavior out as “obsessive,” because…well, it does come off that way.

Secondly, the Thranto shipper in me found it really interesting that Ricky asked me, “Is Thrawn in love with Eli or something?” Even though the love in question is of the manipulative and obsessive variety, I found it interesting that that word crossed his mind. It goes to show that even people who aren’t looking for it, and who aren’t reading between the lines, can pick up on some sort of Thranto vibe while reading (or in our case, listening to) this book. I really can’t wait to hear what he thinks once Eli’s loyalty to Thrawn begins to grow.

[the---hermit]

16|03|2023

Today was a good day overall. I have been very productive even though my focus is not at its best. I have also been thinking a lot. The book I am currently studying had a section dedicated to talking about how important it is to read out loud to kids. And for some reason that triggered a lot of memories. In particular I was hit by feelings when I remembered about how my mom would read to me at night when I first started to experience panic attacks. It was a really dark time, but this memory kinda made me want to cry happy tears. Her way of comforting me and being there for me when I didn't know what was happening to me were stories, just like when I was a little kid. I never really thought about it in all these years so that's probably why this memory hit me so hard, but I am happy it got me, because it's like now I actively remember about it.

Productivity:

continued reading and annotating La Lettura by M. Vivarelli (I only have one chapter left and I cannot wait for it to be over)

updated my reading journal

wrote for the creative project I am working on with a friend

posted this book review

started listening to the audiobook of Peter Pan (for some reason I have been struggling with picking this book up. And that is probably because I associate this story with a person who really hurt me in the past, but it is my year of healing so I am taking that back from her)

started writing a letter to my penpal

Self care:

read first thing in the morning

journaled

strechting exercises for my back