#i remember playing the beta of the first game as a kid and my dad and i being so excited and counting down the days til it released

[roaringheat]

Logged on to Apex and felt an immediate joy just from seeing the lobby

[ellethespaceunicorn]

The Howling in Claw Creek Forest, Prologue

Title: The Legend of the Claw Creek Creature

Rating: Mature, 18+, Minors - DNI 

Pairing: Werewolf!Walter Marshall x Reader 

Word Count: 2K 

Series Summary: You live in a small town called Claw Creek, surrounded by a deep, dark forest. Since you were a kid, an urban legend of the creature in the woods has been told. If the distant howls at night and mutilated livestock are anything to go by, you fear the stories to be true.

Chapter Summary: The story of the creature in the woods is told to you by your grandfather. You pass it on later to the kids in your hospital ward as a funny story from your childhood. It seems all of this might not be just a story. 

Warnings: mentions of mutilated animals, spoopy vibes 

A/N: So, this is my contribution to Halloween/Kinktober. It was supposed to be a one-shot, but I digress. This poll helped me decide who is my main character. Thank you to @viking-raider for challenging me. Thank you to @milknhonies for setting a fire under my butt. And a special thank you to @peyton-warren for being my lovely beta and soundboard for this. 

Dividers by me 

Support/Reblog banner by me 

Cover Art by me 

Series Masterlist

My Masterlist 

“Grandpa, I wanna hear the story again, please!” You bounded over to your grandfather, your pigtails flopped on your shoulders when you landed in his lap as he sat in his favorite armchair. 

He smiled down at you and spoke, “And what story might that be, darling?”  

“C’mon, Grandpa, you know what story. The one about the Claw Creek creature!!” You reminded him of your favorite tale, the legend of what happened right here in your town. 

“Alright, alright,” He scratched at his gray beard and looked off into the distance, “So, way back when the town was first founded over two hundred years ago, there were only a few families that settled here. The first of which was a wealthy family from England. Then came a successful farming family from the South. And so on. Well, little did these settlers know that there was an evil lurking in the woods at the edge of town.” 

You listened to the story, even though you knew it backward and forward. You just liked to hear how your grandfather could make it so fanciful every time you heard it. 

“After a prosperous number of years, the townspeople started to notice livestock being mutilated overnight. One family would blame the other, of course. But no one was ever caught sneaking on the farms or taunting the animals. And sadly, it didn't end there.” 

You couldn’t hide the smile on your face. This is the good part! 

“Look at you getting all excited! I should have you tell this story.” He laughs and pats your head. 

“No, Grandpa. You tell it so much better than me.” You adopted a pout and looked up at him through your lashes. 

“Your mother used to use that same approach; she must have taught you well,” He rolls his eyes and smiles, continuing, “If losing cows and chickens wasn’t enough, the town suffered another tragedy. While playing a game of ‘Chicken’, a group of boys stood at the edge of the tree line with their backs to the forest in the dead of night. One by one, each boy would run away for fear that the noises coming from the trees were a signal that the creature was nearby. Until only one boy was left. When he saw his friends had all left him, he started to whoop and holler about his victory. And that was his last mistake, sadly—” 

“Are you telling her that damn story again?” Your mother interrupted your grandfather, her father, “You aren’t the one that must reassure her in the dead of night that this story isn’t real, Dad.” 

“Mommy, the story is real! And I promise I won’t get scared tonight. Please let Grandpa finish the story! Please please please please please—” 

“Alright, fine! But remember you promised not to get scared tonight, young lady.” She kissed your forehead, patted her father’s shoulder, and shook her head before leaving you two to your story. 

“Now, where was I?” Your grandfather starts, searching his memory for his place in the story, “Ah right, the last boy was making all kinds of racket over his victory. He started to walk toward where his friends were standing until something grabbed him from behind. All his friends could do was watch for one second, he was there, and the next second he was gone. His screams faded into the sounds of the forest. Those boys ran as fast as they could back to town to tell of what had happened. 

“When some of the townsfolk went to search the forest, they weren’t very lucky. They scoured those woods in search of the boy. All they found was a cabin that was covered in vines, and it seemed to have been there for quite some time. But there was no sign of anyone having lived there. They searched and they searched but only found the boy’s jacket which was in shreds and covered in rust-colored fur. With no bears in the area, they assumed maybe it was a wolf or something. Which would have made sense with the missing livestock as well. It seemed that whatever took him must have eaten him whole because they never found anything else of his. No pants, no shoes. Gone, without a trace. And they searched for days, never finding him. 

“After that tragedy, the elders discouraged everyone from going even near the woods. Unless it was daytime. If the sun was out, the forest was still a little scary but nothing like that night. Even now, with all the safety precautions we have, I wouldn’t go into that forest if you paid me a million dollars. Anyway, they ended up renaming the town Claw Creek in remembrance of what happened. Never found a wolf though. I guess after all these years, we can safely say whatever was there that night is long gone now. Occasionally though, the wind carries, and I could swear I could hear howling late at night. Whatever it is out there, I say we let him have the forest and we keep to the town. That goes for you too, darling. You stay out of those woods, okay?” He finished his story with a warning, and he’d never done that before. 

“I’m not going in those woods. I am curious, though. How come I’ve never heard any howling? That would be so cool!” Your excitement about the story stopped you from thinking of the danger. 

“Trust me, darling. You do not want to hear those howls. They are haunting. And I’m old, I’m barely afraid of anything. But that creature? I believe he’s still out there. That’s why I tell this story, even if your mother hates it. Listen a bit closer in the night, maybe you’ll hear the howls one day. But promise me that you won’t go in search of where they lead.” His serious face scared you a bit, he was usually so jovial. 

“If I hear it, I won’t go toward it. I promise, Grandpa.” You reach out your pinky to him and he locks his pinky in yours to seal the promise. 

“That’s my girl. Now, what do you say we go and see if there’s any milk and cookies we can get into?” With his warm smile back in place, you return it happily. 

You hopped down from his lap and took his hand to pull him up off the armchair. Pulling him into the kitchen, you took a seat and watched as he poured the milk and took out some cookies from the cookie jar. You sat and talked with him about the creature and how you hoped you could hear the howl one day. 

That night you stayed up extra late to wait for the sounds of the forest to float to your window. All you ended up hearing was the sounds of owls and crickets chirping. No howl that night and no howl any night after that. 

That is, until about twenty years later... 

It was just a bit past midnight and you had just finished your shift as a nurse in the children’s ward of the hospital. You were dog-tired but you loved your job. You made it a tradition to pass on the story that your grandfather told you about the town. Telling all the little kids scary stories had only one consequence. They wouldn’t want anything else before bed but your story. And you loved it. Of course, you gave them the same warning as your grandfather did, to never go in search of the ‘big bad wolf’. 

You made it home and had a quick dinner and shower before you poured yourself into bed. Your open windows allowed the night breeze to come and wash over you. It also allowed you some white noise to fall asleep to. 

And that’s when you heard it. 

Ahh-wooooooo... 

You shot up in bed, thinking you were hearing things. You went to your bedroom window and you peered out into the night. You could see the tree line from where your house stood and you listened again for the howl. There seemed to be only silence and you were about to give up when you heard it again. 

Ahh-wooooooo... 

Your eyes were glued to the trees as the sound traveled to your ears. You blame it on your lack of sleep that you saw yellow glowing eyes watching you before disappearing back into the dark of the forest. 

But your tiredness wouldn’t explain the sound. The howl was there. You heard it twice. You can’t mistakenly hear something twice. Can you? 

You wait at your window for a couple minutes and there are no more sounds and no movement from the trees. You close your window and lay back in bed. You toss and turn most of the night, thinking of that pained howl all night long. You even dreamt of those eyes that you thought you saw. 

You didn’t know it yet, but that was not the last time you would hear that howl or see those eyes. 

The next morning, you go out to your local coffee shop to fuel up. You notice there seems to be a commotion as some folks are gathering outside near the town square. With coffee in hand, you make your way over and spot your best friend. 

“Olivia, what is all this about? Why is everyone out here?” You ask, gesturing toward the crowd of people near the fountain. 

“Girl, you didn’t hear those howls last night?” Her panic-stricken face tells you everything you need to know.  

Those howls were real. And everyone heard them. 

“But...it’s just like a wolf or something? We’re outlined by a forest. That’s gotta be normal. Right?” You’re not sure whether you are trying to calm her down, or yourself. 

“Well, yeah. But that doesn’t explain what happened on a few of the farms. Actually, the Elliot and the Sullivan farms got it the worst. They say some of their cattle and chickens got mutilated. But the doors to the enclosures to where the animals were kept? They weren’t broken in, they were just opened. Like something opened the door and walked in, ate their fill of beef and poultry, and then just walked right back out. How could that even happen?” She shakes her head and wraps her arms around herself to try and keep warm in the brisk autumn morning air. 

You were fine with thinking you had gone crazy and heard howls and saw glowing eyes. In fact, you would rather have continued to think you were nuts. But this ain’t no dream. Other people heard the howls last night. And now there were animal mutilations. All like in your grandfather’s story. 

I bet he would have gotten a sick little thrill out of all this happening. But you’re suddenly glad that he wasn’t around to see all this nonsense.  

“Liv, I’m gonna go back home. If anything else comes up, call me ok? Just be careful out here, girl.” You give her a quick hug and make your way back to your house after she promises to check in with you later. 

Sitting at your kitchen table, your coffee gone cold, you stared off into space. Was this all really happening? Was the creature real? Had it seen you that night? You pour your coffee into a mug and place it in the microwave. While you wait for it to be done, you check your phone and see Liv sent you a text. 

‘Hey girl, so they’re actually setting a curfew for tonight. Can you believe it? Everybody needs to be indoors by ten. Anyway, let’s get together for drinks tonight. Your place or mine or whatever. Don’t really wanna be alone tonight with all this mess.’ 

You send a quick text back agreeing to have her over for some wine and bad television, not wanting to be alone tonight either. Grabbing your coffee from the microwave, you settle down in the living room with your laptop. You begin to search the internet for any local wolf sightings, and to your horror, there hasn’t been a single one. Which, in your brain, can only mean one thing. 

The creature your grandfather warned you about might not be just a piece of fiction. 

To be continued... 

A/N: I am really nervous about this story so any comments are welcome. I really wanted this to be a one-shot and I should have known better lol.  

**Tag List** 

@deandoesthingstome @cakesandtom @brattymum96 @ambinxe @avengersfan25 @kebabgirl67 @thabiddie23 @sweetandgentlecreature @foxyjwls007 @astheskycries @enchantedbytomandhenry @rebelangel1102 @milknhonies @peyton-warren @geralts-yenn @raccoon-eyed-rebel @cardierreh15 @viking-raider 

Let me know if you wanna be added (or removed) 😁 

[sommerflue-22]

i loved the childhood crush fanfic of yours! im wondering if your making a yuichiro choice one?

A/n: aaaa thank you sm! and ofc! i hope you like this one too :D

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Childhood Crush | Yuichiro Tokito

Muichiro version

Featuring: Yuichiro Tokito, aged up!Yuichiro

Content Warning: gn!reader, modern setting, fluff, not beta read

Word Count: 1.7k

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At first, Muichiro was the twin who caught your attention. How could he not? He was a kind kid, soft-spoken and very polite. Not to mention, he smiled a lot. You were in the same homeroom class with him back in your first and second year of elementary school. After that, you were separated. You didn't play with him during recess anymore, but it didn't matter because you made friend with his twin.

Yuichiro was an active kid, always running around playing tag or football whenever he had the chance. You were his seatmate for a whole semester during your third year.

One day during PE, the teacher paired you two to play badminton. It was a match made in heaven. You hit the shuttlecock back and forth, not even letting it drop. Sure, Yuichiro was strong, but you managed to match his energy. The game was really intense, your other classmates started to abandon their own games and watched you and Yuichiro instead.

From that day, you and Yuichiro were pretty much inseparable. You played together during recess, sat next to each other in science lab, exchanged collectible cards. Just two active kids having fun every day.

You remembered the first time you realized that, hey, Yuichiro is such a good friend... but he made your little heart beats a little faster, unlike the other kids.

Yuichiro came to school one day, eyes wide and a big grin plastered on his face.

"(Y/N), (Y/N)! Guess what?!"

"What?"

"You have to guess first!"

You pouted, annoyed, but gave yourself a few seconds to try guessing the reason Yuichiro's joyful expression. "You... got yourself a new bike?" Yuichiro did tell you he wanted a new bike.

"Ah, I wish! But no!" Yuichiro circled the table and sat next to you. "My Dad got me that dinosaur movie's DVD!"

You gasped, "No, he didn't!"

"Yes, he did!" Yuichiro bounced his feet, excited. "Do you wanna watch it with me after school? Mui don't wanna watch it, he'd rather watch cartoon."

"Eh? Sure! I wanna see the movie too!"

"Alright! Let's go to my house after school!"

The movie was all you talked about with Yuichiro all day. Even during recess, you both didn't join the other kids playing football. Instead, you sat with Yuichiro on the swing set and talked about dinosaurs. When the school bell rang, signaling the end of the class, you both were all packed up and ready to go.

Thankfully, the Tokito's house wasn't really far from school, only a ten minute walk. Once you got there, you borrowed the telephone to call your mom. You told her that you're in Yuichiro's house, about to watch a movie. Your mom let you, but also told you to go home before it got dark.

"All good! Let's go watch that movie!" You gave Yuichiro a thumbs up and he led you to the living room.

You sat comfortably on the sofa as Yuichiro put the CD in the player.

"Yay, it's starting!" Yuichiro plopped down next to you soon after.

"No, it's still the main menu! You gotta push that one there, the 'Play Movie' one! Give me the remote, you're so slow!"

You grabbed the remote from Yuichiro's hand and played the movie.

It was really cozy in the Tokito house. The sofa and the throw pillows were fluffy and soft, the floor was heated, and Yuichiro's mother made them hot chocolate. She also gave you two a bowl of popcorn and a few bags of chips to eat during the movie.

There were a few scenes that made you two jump, but you laughed them all off. Instead of getting scared, you and Yuichiro just commented on how cool the dinosaurs looked. The movie was interesting, but it was quite a long one. Almost two and a half hour long.

Things got a little bit boring when you reached the part where the characters had to plan an escape. It was a lot of talking, not enough dinosaurs. It was the first time the two of you fell silent. You kept your eyes glued to the TV, though, wasn't about to risk missing a dinosaur appearance.

You yawned as the two main characters got left alone by their other friends. They were supposed to guard the front door as the others went to find supplies. You weren't interested in their 'romantic' banter.

You were about to reach out and grab some popcorns when you realized Yuichiro had fallen asleep, his head rested on your shoulder.

Your heart started to beat faster than usual. You didn't know why, maybe because you were afraid of waking him up. As much as you liked watching the movie with him, you couldn't blame him for falling asleep. The movie was still on its boring part and school was tiring. It was normal for him to get tired and fell asleep.

You stayed on your seat and decided to watch the movie again. Wrong move. The two characters were kissing. Mind you, neither you nor Yuichiro knew the movie had a little bit of romance in it. You were just there to see the dinosaur.

But the scene that was unfolding in front of your eyes really made your stomach fluttered. It was your first time seeing two people kiss, and hug each other oh so tightly right after.

I wish I can hug Yuichiro like that...

...what?

You couldn't believe you thought about hugging Yuichiro like those characters. It was a tight hug, a really intimate one. They also did it after they kissed each other.

Gross.

You tried to forget about that feeling, but it never left. It stayed in the back of your mind, coming forward every once in awhile, during random moments you shared with Yuichiro.

By the time you were in the 6th grade, you fully understood that you did like Yuichiro... a little bit (a lot) more than a friend. Yet you never told him.

Apparently someone from another class had a crush on one of the Tokito twins. You had no idea which one, but you saw Yuichiro got pissed off when he found out. You saw him got angry because other kids teased him.

You thought it was better not to tell him about your little crush.

So you kept it to yourself.

You went to the same middle school and high school as the twins. You watched as they grew up to be really attractive. By the time you graduated high school, Yuichiro was already towering over you.

Oh, he's a bad news, alright, you told yourself. Yuichiro was tall, ripped, really good looking, and you waited for him to finish his kendo practices so you knew what he could do with those muscles.

The day after your graduation, you and Yuichiro drove down to the beach and had a little picnic to watch the sunset. It was something that the two of you loved to do since the ninth grade. For Yuichiro, it might be completely platonic. But for you? You loved to pretend that those sunset picnics were dates.

"So... you're moving out this weekend?" Yuichiro asked.

"Yep." You answered, still munching your chips. You got accepted to a really good program in a reputable university. The thing was, it's located on the other side of the country.

"My, my... It won't be the same without you here," Yuichiro whistled. "I mean, we've been friends since like... what, elementary school?"

You laughed, "Back when you still believe in Santa Claus."

Yuichiro threw an almond at you. "I was an imaginative kid... But, anyway... I hope you'll like it there! I'm really happy for you, you know. You deserve this. So go out there and explore the world! Make friends with a lot of people, fall in love with a few, then maybe one day I'll receive an... I don't know, a housewarming party invitation? Or maybe even a wedding invitation?"

You smiled, watching as he popped and almond into his mouth. He had no idea...

"The point is... I'll always be your friend. You can call me anytime."

You sighed. "Well... It would be great if I can find someone else out there, maybe date them, got my heart broken, fall for someone new, repeat the cycle... but I don't think I'll be able to experience those stuff... at least not in the near future."

"Eh?! Why not?!"

You turned to look at him right in his eyes. "Because of you."

Yuichiro blinked a few times before his eyes widened.

"(Y/N)..."

"You don't have to reciprocate. I just need to tell you that... just to let you know." You let out a laugh.

"Ah... thanks..."

Surprisingly, you didn't feel sad. You felt relieved. You finally let go of something that you've been holding onto for so long.

The two of you sat in silence as the sun set. Once you could no longer see the glowing, orange orb, you stood up.

"Right, we should get going, then!" You clapped your hands once. "Let me get the trash and dump them. Oi, Yui, stop zoning out and fold the mat."

You picked up the trash and walked to a nearby trash can. Once you disposed them, you went to a faucet near the stairs to the parking lot to wash your hands.

As you were washing your hands, you felt a pair of strong hands wrapped around your waist.

"Yui—"

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

You let him hold you close, feeling the warmth of his body embraced you, sheltering you from the cold wind.

"Because I don't want you to hate me."

"...Since when?"

"...third grade..."

Yuichiro chuckled, you could feel his breath on your nape. "Oh, (Y/N)..."

Yuichiro turned your body around and soon you were engulfed in his scent, earthy and clean. Your heart was beating like crazy, but so was his.

"So... do you wanna... try it out?" Yuichiro asked, voice quivered at the end.

You chuckled. He was nervous.

"Only if you want to." You lifted up your chin to meet his face.

He rolled his eyes as he leaned down to peck your forehead.

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A/n: I GOT CARRIED AWAY AJASOFEJOHGE

[cyanbugremix]

Reductive Audio #7 Spoilers

Uhh this is just a list of my favorite facts from the reductive audio

All d(a)emons are ambidextrous, and Ivan is left-handed, but the cool part is that Ivan became ambidextrous when Vega was controlling him (idk is that cool?? It's interesting for sure)

Brachium has only ever experienced vanilla extract through the memories of the dead.

Caelum on the other hand has made a "Vanilla Extract Tumblr Cake" (one of those polls where people "bake a cake" and it has too much vanilla extract voted for, i think) and it turned out horrible!

In Mario games, Elliot was forced to play as Luigi by Aaron, because of his at home nickname being "Ell/L" and Luigi starts with an L (you get the gist. It sounds the same)(Elliot wanted to be toad tho)(Aaron would play as Mario)

Gavin technically can and has pretended to read a book, he just has never actually committed to doing so

Lasko is scared of heights even though he knows that he could catch himself if he were to fall, so he thinks the fear is annoying

Damien peut parle français (Where did Damien learn french?? At home? School? As a hobby?)

Ash was taller than David, until David hit puberty and shot up (thus the big guy nickname came to be)(Seriously tho. So many boys would shoot up in like 3 months during summer break and be wayy tall when we'd get back to school and I was always amazed that someone could grow that tall that quick)

Oof T-T Sam was close with his Grandma Adeline (Adelene?), and when she passed he went back home to Mont Blanc to say goodbye to her grave (he snuck into the cemetery at night because he was a vampire by then)

Kody was gonna originally be involved with Closeknit, but then his character was taken in a different direction (makes lots of sense. He would be a closeknit guy)

Huxley was the fastest kid in his grade because he was obsessed with Bionicles (specifically pohatu with the mask of speed) (omg i forgot about bionicles until I looked them up again. I never did anything with them but I remember them)

Milo doesn't drink alcohol because he doesn't want to find out if he can get addicted to things as easily as his dad

Avior has HEARD of Gavin but never met him before

Oldest 3 d(a)emons in order: Polaris (Dead), Vega (dead for a bit but alive again), Ursa (elation daemon)

Camelopardalis has been in therapy for 2 years to work through the the bad memories that he had to keep of the whole Vega and Ivan problem (and he hasn't wiped his therapists memories yayy!!)

Arden took out the second most shades (David is the winner in taking out the most) during the Inversion, and Christian and her defended the VIP box through the whole night, even when Christian couldn't stay in wolf form

Kelsey started the Chrissy nickname! (Arden and Asher use it the most)

Aaron, when Elliot's powers first manifested, would imagine what it was like to be magical (He wanted to be a "Warder" and do force field stuff)

BLAKE WAS GOING TO ORIGINALLY BE CALLED CARVER OMG

Zeke (Member of Closeknit) drinks "Cactus Cooler" (orange and pineapple soda)

Xavier (contra-elemental) was originally supposed to survive the inversion

Bailey's mother is beta of the Keaton pack

DJ Anxiety (Hudson) still makes mixes, he just hasn't done live DJ-ing since the Inversion

Gregory Keaton doesn't exist in the Fooliverse (his parents never met in that AU)

Anton doesn't like gore, and bcuz of that he prefers black and white horror movies (modern ones often have too much gore in them) (Such a vibe for him)

Brachium was the last serenity daemon created by Min'Ara's own hands

E'Laetum has a grudge against Vega because Vega was specifically built to be the opposite of Polaris (even tho the dude didn't have a say in his creation)

Quinn sounded like he was interested in turning Darlin' (but they never could figure out if he was serious or not)

Hush was supposed to originally be apart of one of Echo's "deals"

Porter's maker was a dude named Felix, who got executed because Felix seemed to really like creating progeny (as well as being horrible to them)

Alexis resents Porter for becoming William's favorite when he wants someone to go out and do whatever, because Alexis does more "collateral damage" than Porter

(And there's cool Vampire lore from The Summit vampires from 26:18-27:36)

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

john (take me with you)

Chapter 3: i know the feeling (i really do)

Summary: John has a lot to think about.

==> John: Enjoy your stay. So far, it’s been great! Not very busy, though. There’s not a lot to do at Dave’s apartment, and neither of you want to subject yourself to the heat more than strictly necessary, so you’ve mostly just hung around. You’re surprised you haven’t seen Bro yet considering it’s been a few days, but Dave says he’s just reclusive like that. (You’re not sure you believe him.) You’ve played a lot of video games, watched a few movies, and spent ages just chatting. You don’t mind it, really! You’re not exactly the out-and-about type either. But you were starting to get a bit restless, being stuck indoors. The two of you actually left the house today, though! (Really, it was just you tagging along on errands with Dave.)

hey everyone! a new chapter of @eridan-amporaa 's fanfic just dropped! If you need a refresher on what it's about, check out the info below!

john (take me with you) (12667 words) by auspiciousAuthor Chapters: 3/6 Fandom: Homestuck Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: John Egbert/Dave Strider Characters: John Egbert, Dave Strider, Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Jade Harley

Additional Tags: Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Background Dad Egbert, Background Nanna Egbert, Bacground Casey (Homestuck), Implied/Referenced Abuse, Good Parent Dad Egbert, Abusive Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Meeting IRL for the first time, Eventual John Egbert/Dave Strider, Slow Burn, POV Alternating, POV Second Person, not formatted exactly like the comic but the command elements are in there for Funsies, Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider's Bad Parenting, Rated T for swearing, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, the trolls either dont exists or exist as humans who never met the kids. take your pick, Fluff and Angst, Domestic Fluff, Angst

Summary: Title from the song of the same name. TG: what is it GT: well… GT: remember how my nanna gave me a bunch of money for my birthday this year to do something cool? - - TG: where are you going with this GT: well, i negotiated with my dad… GT: and he said i can visit you for a week this summer!! TG: what? - - - - - - Or, John Egbert is finally able to visit his best friend. Dave Strider jumps through hoops to make it happen. Neither of them understand the ramifications of what they're doing, not yet. Good thing Bro's out this week.

[puhpandas]

Sorry about that last post I fucked and I barely woke up.

Can we celebrate it’s not Cassie’s dad as the protag

Since Gregory’s probably the protag does he actually know about the missing kids and Cassidy. From the dolls and to remember Jeremy (the beta tester or the missing child?)

at first i was thinking Gregory wasnt the protag but after reading this ask I thought about it a bit.

maybe he IS. like I've said this already in another post but someone brought it to my attention that Gregory speaks to you through a staff bot in ruin. and that tied with the cassie mask ending in hw2 makes me think that he watched her through the eyes of the staff bots and that's how he knew she was even there in the first place.

and like... we play as a staff bot throughout the game I think. so if Gregory controlled the staff bots in ruin, and in hw2 they show us a staff bot from ruin giving cassie the mask, then technically gregory could be controlling it

I dont really know why they would do this. this game is really vague but it seems like everyones story is being progressed somehow and it might mean something

[varietydivision]

Decided to put the chart together and do a little write-up. There are a few folks are excluded, including some oldies and a newbie. All of this is info we’re comfortable having out there, but also no pressure for anyone else to read. More for our own reference while being a little peak behind the curtain without too much detail. Some folks are fictives, some just took names akin to fictional characters; everyone these days has source separation but some still have a warm nostalgia for their source, if that makes sense. Feel free to ask questions, we’re always open to talking more about each other and our experiences. Anons are cool as long as you're respectful.

Chart and write up are under the cut because it's a generally long post.

First of all, here's the cursed chart:

There likely were more fragments or alters back in Early Childhood, but understandably, we don't remember and probably wouldn't have many names. Early Childhood and Childhood are heavily based on "imaginary friends" we remember having, as well as characters we would "pretend" to be often with friends that ultimately ended up as alters in our system. There also were a LOT of formations in our Adult years, and while I have a few theories on why that might be, the one I'll post here is "there's a lot of fragments that never fully formed while our brain was trying to adapt to new and old trauma." (ex. Dave, Connor, Que, Loki, Abel, and Starshine were all fragments, which is half of that list).

The arrows denote the direction of influence from one alter to another, though not the specific timeline when they did. There are a few cyclical moments, like Piers and Connor, which note a maybe subsystem, usually with one aspect (Connor in that case) being more of a fragment, that eventually integrated with the original that they broke off of.

Generally, though, this is an evidence board linking together where pieces of who went over time because I like my evidence boards  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Early Childhood: The earliest alters we can think of would have been Alessa, Amber, and O’Connell (codenames). Alessa was the typical traumatized child, Amber filled a protective motherly role, and O’Connell filled the strong but nurturing dad role. Alessa eventually broke into two additional parts, Katt and Rini. Rini maintained the childlike innocence while manifesting the want to be an adult and out of our home situation, while Katt retained the trauma holding in a ghost-like, detached from the external world way. O’Connell was almost like a beta version of Cooper, whose shift was largely because of games we used to watch older cousins or friends play and a general love of big-hearted action heroes (through the eyes of a child) that we wanted to save us. So he evolved as our perception of what kind of adult male figure we wanted in our life did.

Amber over the years developed into three of our more maternal alters, each fitting a different aspect: Maria, Kurt, and Ryou. Maria was the more traditional maternal figure with the syskids, willing to do anything to protect the system but never showing her harsher side to the kids. There’s a lot of our perception of our mom’s pain in her, too, but also good aspects of her. Kurt was very mom-friend: he just wanted to make sure everyone was healthy and had a smile on their face, no matter what was going on, and he handled a great deal of our complicated relationship with religion growing up. He also functioned as an anger-manager for Piet, a trait that later transferred to Damien who served a similar role with Piers. Ryou has the softer maternal traits while also being a trauma holder, like a mom friend that'll hold you and pet your head while building you up. After a situation with an ex-partner, the brain tried to re-write him into something better able to handle that new trauma, which now kind of manifests somewhere between a kintype and a subsystem.

Childhood: During this time, our biggest forms of escape were Saturday morning cartoons and comic books, so we’re not surprised that we ended up with Sonic-inspired fictives, plus our first Marvel folks, specifically from the Evolution cartoon (though both had elements of their 616 counterparts as far as trauma that was assigned to them). Devon was a bit of a wildcard, inspired by our interpretation of the comics and SatAM, and was our external personality for a large part of our childhood, but just not equipped for what we were going through. Shad developed to be an internal protector from the get-go and remains that to this day. Piet and Kurt may have formed out of parts of Devon, we’re not sure, but we’re fairly confident that most of our elementary and middle school years were handled by a mix of them and Ryou.

Teens: Mostly focusing on high school here. Pieces of us evolved to match what we and our best friends became obsessed with, which seemed to fit the anger that was manifesting internally from what we were going through. Maria formed as a maternal figure with a harder edge, Mells was another example of someone hard to the outside world except for one of our best friends, and a combination of Axel and Katt became our external personality, though Piet and Kurt were still influential. Katt was meek and withdrawn, existing to blend as small as possible at home, while Axel presented us as flamboyant, strong, and fun when at school/work. Mells handled conflicts, usually harshly. This was also when we encountered someone else with DID for the first time, though due to our own covertness and misunderstandings of their experiences (plus their partner at the time admitted to "roleplaying" with the system's alters), Piet lashed out at them. It’s probably one of our more distinct memories from our younger years because he may have meant it as a means of protection, but it was at the cost of someone else.

Young Adult: I’m focusing on 18-20 for this due to a specific relationship we were in at the time and life change that heavily affected us. We met N, who we dated for around 2 years. It was Bad because of their own mental health struggles and how it manifested towards us. We distinctly remember the exact situation in which Teddy formed in response to an event with them, which was heavily music-based and why we think he, Xav, and Silv may all be so musically-focused. Xav and Silv also formed during the relationship with N at different points to cope with different aspects of our life. Teddy specifically formed, though, to appease them and just kind of be the partner they wanted (by enabling their behavior to keep us, as a whole, as safe as possible). That relationship ended due to an intervention by a family member who moved us to NYC, and the entire process of moving, breaking up, entering into a truly adult office job, and generally feeling a mass of emotions that had been bottled up ended with Will. His purpose, as best as we could tell, was to essentially negate those emotions while processing a lot of our relationship with our father/family through the lens of all of the media his inspiration is from. For a few years, we existed as varying mixes, with the primary bunch being Teddy, Piet (who of course also dealt with our relationship with our father), Shad, and Katt.

Adult: Once living on our own and in a more stable, consistent living situation, our dissociative barriers started to drop, in that Katt started to become more aware of the presence of other alters, and through work with a counselor and friends that we just happened to have made via the community on tumblr, started to make contact and process being a system. We met a system (G) that Teddy was partnered with, and it was very much like reliving the relationship with N in ways that, had a different mix of alters been present, would not have been the case. Our brain went into overdrive between the awareness of the system and the stress of the interactions with G, and tried to replace/fill in gaps to make it more manageable. Axel, Ryou, and Devon came out of stasis with the brain intending to replace Piet, Katt and Teddy, Dyne formed as a mix of Undyne and an interpretation of our best friend. Nothing quite worked because it, fundamentally, was G being in a position where they needed help beyond what friends and partners could provide, and Teddy inherently was wired to enable unhealthy behaviors, not confront them. Eventually, our brain took Undyne and melded her into a different form to specifically be a protective barrier for Teddy, and when it inevitably fully ended, our brain started breaking the alters most affected by G down into different pieces, presumably to make it easier to process the trauma by breaking down the connections to their sources.

Teddy was broken into at least three parts: Quentin, Loki, and Starshine, with Que taking on the trauma that had just happened plus with N, Loki absorbing the lingering emotions, and Starshine essentially taking Teddy’s personality to try to be the main fronter. Starshine was quickly recycled into Piers, as were aspects of Piet, and he became our main front. After his own traumatic situation, he also formed a subsystem to go between high emotions and no emotions, which was around when Damien formed to, essentially, stabilize him. I (Scully) formed a bit later, after Cooper returned and became the main front, to help process more of our general childhood and adulthood trauma, to have another line of defense in some ways. The most recent split (though still several years ago) was Keegan, as a way to process a childhood relationship that had returned that was not and never was healthy, plus some other lingering childhood things.

These days, the only remaining alters seem to be Shad, Maria, Cooper, Scully, Teddy, Ryou, Mells, Silv, Will, and Dyne. We have less concrete roles than we used to, as we’ve dissolved a lot of trauma over the years, though there is still some stuff we’re working through. We’re not entirely sure who all might be left once we do finish processing trauma, or if this is the healthiest, smallest mix of us, but considering for a while, we thought that 20 was going to be our minimum, I will happily take 10, give or take.

[jellystarsdrops]

― Spider and the Moon // Chapter 2 ₊✩｡🕷˚🕸⋆｡

currently playing: awkward by sza

synopsis:  Uncle James suggests to Jefferson that Miles should work part-time at the roller skating rink to have some fun this summer. Miles reluctantly agrees, hoping to get on Lunella’s good side and not have a totally terrible vacation. Alas, it seems like trouble’s brewing in the city, and the two might have to become closer than they thought. . .

word count: 2087

ao3 link: 🌔🕷

a/n: this took wayyy longer than it should so I apologize for that! I got busy over the summer with a summer class and work (っ- ‸ - ς). Hopefully, I'll get into the flow with updating more frequently. Anyway, here's chapter 2! Shoutout to @sweeteaas with helping me with this chapter! You guys should check out their works!!^^ also kudos to my gf for being my beta reader :3 <3

“Okay Miles, right here is where all the skates are! We try and clean them every other closing night, although when we’re especially swamped…” Miles tried to pay attention, but Uncle James voice was fading out into a boring jumble of words. Sighing, Miles stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets and tried to look as interested as possible when his Uncle glanced back at him with a grin.

Miles had gotten the news that he’ll be working at the roller skating this morning and was immediately whisked into taking a tour of the building. The rink itself was pretty impressive, he had to admit, with glowing neon lights and fluorescent decorations making a colorful display. The funky disco music drowned out the sound of skates on the rink floor, as multiple groups of kids and adults alike were crowded inside. It was summer after all, and the rink was a popular hangout spot in the community. 

Despite the energetic display, Miles couldn’t help but feel put-off and uncomfortable. His interaction with Lunella just yesterday afternoon was itching at him. Why did she seem so annoyed at him? What was with that look? 

The fact that he was now set to work with Lunella for the summer would be a challenge, put lightly.

Despite everything with Lunella, Miles decided to look on the bright side of things. Although he’d rather be inside working on his sketches or playing some video games, the thought of his relatives owning a roller rink was pretty cool since it was the only one in the town. Plus, the job didn’t seem too hard, he'd just have to clean the rollerskates as people came in and he could pretty much chill! This can’t be that bad, it’s only for the summer.

Miles looked through his playlist on his phone, playing a song and putting in an earbud before he started cleaning the skates with a slight hum. It wasn’t too busy surprisingly. Just a group of kids and some families, though it would probably get more busy when it starts getting cooler at night. As he cleaned, he looked up to see Lunella walking into the skating rink. Looking around she would notice Miles, freezing for a moment before walking up to him behind the skate counter.

“...What are you doing here?” the girl asked, surprised to see him at the place she worked. This was the first time Lunella had spoken more to Miles since he got here.

“Well, Uncle James told my dad that it would be a great idea for me to work here part-time… so now I’m here,” Miles explained, looking down at Lunella and studying her expression. He didn’t think Lunella would work here, though now thinking about it, he was now starting to remember Uncle James telling him that Lunella does maintenance on the machines or something like that, but by her expression and frown alone, she wasn’t too happy knowing that Miles would be working this her.

After Lunella stared at him for a moment, she let out an almost annoyed sigh as she put a hand on her hip. She tried to put on her best smile even though Miles could tell that it was fake. “Peachy…” She muttered through her teeth before sighing again, taking her backpack off her shoulder.  “Just stay out of my way.” Lunella told Miles before walking away from the counter.

Miles watched as Lunella leave, he shook his head as he continued to clean. As he did so, his mind would keep wandering to the girl. Why is she so rude to him? ‘ They literally just met the other day. He can’t be that annoying when people first met him?’ Miles thought to himself. ‘Well… Miguel did but that was different!’

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

After about half an hour of cleaning skates and handing guests their right skate size, Miles would be done. The rink started to die down, so he was pretty much done until more people started coming in for whatever event was happening tonight. Sighing as he rested his elbows on the counter, he started staring off into space and waiting for the time to go by.

That’s when an idea would pop up in his head: This is a good time for me to bond with Lunella since it’s practically dead in here. 

Moving away from the counter, Miles walked around the rink to look for Lunella where she would be found behind the popcorn machine. It seemed like she was trying to fix it or something like that, Miles knew little to nothing about machines but he was surprised someone as young as Lunella would be into things like that.

Miles waited for a moment, trying to hype himself to speak up and say something to Lunella but his mind was going blank. ‘Why am I freezing up?? She’s like 5 years younger than me! This is sad,’ he rambled on in his mind before his thoughts were interrupted by Lunella clearing her thoughts.

“Are you just going to stand there or is there a reason you came over here?” Lunella asked annoyed, sitting up from the machine as she looked up at Miles. She didn’t have time for this.

Miles huffed a bit, putting on the best smile he could come up with at the girl before speaking. “So!... Machines… I didn’t think someone like you would be good with tools,” he exclaimed, trying to make conversation with his cousin and get to know her.

Lunella raised her eye, pushing up her blue frames. “Should'nt you be behind the counter cleaning skates?” she questioned him.

“It’s dead as hell in here, I think the skates will be fine,” he chuckled. 

She rolled her eyes before opening her mouth. “Is it a problem that I like fixing things instead of liking what? Dolls and boys?” Lunella accused Miles, answering his statement.

Miles immediately waved his hands around to defend from her accusations, shaking his head. “No no no that’s not what I meant at all! I just didn’t expect it! I think it's kinda cool and really impressive that you’re good at that stuff!” he explained. “I can hardly put a vacuum together and you’re over here fixing a machine!”

Lunella was completely caught off guard, having a surprised expression on her face before looking away as she put some tools back in her bag and took another out. “..Thanks..” she muttered softly, clearly embarrassed by the sudden compliment. 

Noticing Lunella’s embarrassed expression. He couldn’t help but smile a little at her trying to not to seem happy about his compliment and keep her unfazed attitude. He found it almost cute and it was a sign that he was breaking into her tough shell a little bit. He just has to keep budging her. 

Clearing his throat, Miles decided to keep talking to her. “So what does Lunella Lafayette like?” he asked, tilting his head a bit. He was trying to learn as much as he could so they would get long during the summer.

“Well…” Lunella starts off, trying to think while she continues to fix the machine. She wasn’t planning to talk to anyone today and just work but Lunella knew that he wasn’t going to leave until she talked. “Other than this… I like science stuff… Reading, roller derby, video games… Superheroes are pretty cool I guess.

As soon as ‘Superheroes’ came out of Lunella’s mouth, Miles’s eyes lit up. That just gave him a better idea to ask her. 

“Superheroes huh? Cool, cool me too… SO! What do you think of that Spiderman guy in Brooklyn? Pretty cool that we have a superhero in New York, right?” he asked with a smirk on his face, knowing damn well that he was gassing himself up.

“Spiderman? If your definition of cool is ‘a huge loser’,” Lunella says so bluntly, not even turning her head from her work. “I don’t get the hype, he isn’t that cool.”

Miles felt like he was just punched in the face.

He never met a kid or anyone who didn’t think that he- Spiderman was cool. 

“What?! He is not a loser!” Miles choked, trying his hardest not to sound defensive. “He saved a bunch of people and is a g-great part of the community!”

Lunella would almost choke on a laugh, covering her mouth so she could hold it back. “Oh really now?? Yeah right with a lame suit- is he bleeding out his armpits?”

“He’s NOT bleeding out his armpits! It’s a stylistic CHOICE!”

The amount of times he heard that comment Miles swore that he was going to commit a crime himself. The boy was trying his best not to sound crazy or give too much away but he just had to defend himself.

Lunella stared at Miles for a second in silence, not saying anything, just looking as if she was studying. He started to sweat, fidgeting with his fingers a bit nervously. 

‘She… She doesn’t know, does she…? I mean she seems smart but is she smart enough to know-’

“Listen, I really don’t have the time to listen to some Spiderman fanboy,” Lunella huffed, pushing up her blue frames as she talked. “SOOO, I’d really would appreciate it if you’d leave me alone and let me get back to work...” The girl says before returning to work on the inside of the popcorn machine.

Miles stopped his rambling thoughts when he heard Lunella telling him to go away basically. He still didn’t understand it. He has to spend the whole summer with this girl and he wasn’t going to let her bratty attitude ruin this. “Man, what is your problem?” he huffed frustratedly, trying his best not to let his annoyance get the best of him.

Lunella would snap her head up to look at Miles, hearing the frustration in his voice and it was starting to make her own blood boil. “What the heck are you talking about??” She questioned him, crossing her arms and now focused on him.

“I’m talking about you being so cold! I’ve only been here for a day and so far you have been nothing but rude as hell to me!” Miles criticized her, finally speaking about what’s been on his mind since he got to Manhattan. Based on Lunella’s reaction, she didn’t seem too happy about Miles confronting her.

“I’m not being rude first of all! I’m simply stating that I don’t want you bothering me!”

Miles rolled his eyes. “Please, you haven’t been doing anything important! You’ve only been a pretentious brat.”

That would tick something off in Lunella, getting up from the ground where she previously was and staring up at Miles due to their height difference, her fist clenched as it was very clear on her face that she was fuming now. “I’m NOT pretentious OR a BRAT!” Lunella growled, a light shade of red being present on her face. She had been called worst before, but brat was where she drew the line.

“Call me a brat again… I dare you.”

Miles’s frustrated expression remained on his face, not changing an inch. He wasn’t going to take this, he was the oldest after all so he thought he deserved some kind of respect. He bent down a little to Lunella’s height, looking dead into her eyes as if they were having a staring contest.

“You… Are… A… Br-!”

Before he could finish his sentence, there was a loud commotion coming from outside as people started to flood into the roller rink screaming in a panic. This would put a pause into the two’s argument. As James and Adria were trying to settle everyone down and get them to relax, both Miles and Lunella rushed over to the nearest window to see what was going on.

Outside the rink, a villain was causing some type of havoc in the neighborhood. He laughed menacingly, practically destroying everything in sight with some bags of cash attached to his back. Seems like he had gone to the bank before causing some chaos for fun.

Now this is what Miles needed. Some action for his summer.

“Uhhh I’m going to goooo help Uncle James right quick– I think he’s calling me or something!” Miles shouted out before Lunella could get a word in. 

Running to the back of the roller rink, Miles changed out of his clothes, revealing the black and red spider suit. With the final piece being his mask, Miles swung into action.

[nocompromise-noregrets]

hi! 💜💜 how about 🥤, 🌻, 🧃,🦷,🎨 for the writer's truth or dare ask game

hiiii! Thank you for asking! <333333 now...let's see...

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love There are so many! But today, a shoutout to my glorious beta-reader @lemurious whose lovely fics across Tolkien'verse and classics fandom are beautifully written and acutely observed. Special mention to Long Enough for Memory, Evenstar and As Soon As Things Look Dangerous which feature Arwen, Rosie, Elanor and Lobelia all being absolutely awesome. <333333333

🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis Again, there are so many, but I don't talk to @pikkuinen nearly often enough any more! <3333333

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before ahahahaha I've asked this one, but now realise I don't actually understand what it's asking for XD is this to do with my writing, or myself? hmmmm...let's assume it's about me, and go for what I think is probably my earliest memory, which is being in a hospital waiting room or treatment room, aged about two and a half, after having my forehead stitched back together, having tripped and fallen head-first into the glass-panelled front door in the house we lived in until I was six. I've had it reinforced by my parents talking about it (I used to run to the front door every evening when my dad came home, so my poor dad, getting out of the car after a long day at work, was met with his rather pregnant wife (my brother wasn't all that far off being born) holding his screaming two-year-old with a teatowel clamped to her head. Ooops.) but I do still dimly remember the room, and a large teddy bear that was there for the kids to play with. Apparently once I was stitched up, I was belting up and down the corridor quite happily, while my parents leaned weakly on each other. XD

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on Hang in there. Everything is cyclical, and everything ends eventually.

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it oooooh! Well, everything by the lovely @chicotfp (it is so lovely to see someone still doing manips and these are beautiful!), and also this piece by @deerlordhunter which was the inspiration and catalyst for basically everything I've written about grieving!Thranduil in Empty Vessel-'verse. It captures his sadness so beautifully and dynamically, I swear I can almost see his expression change, almost imperceptibly. It's amazing.

Wheee! Anyone else fancy asking me some questions? I'm off to bed now but will answer tomorrow. :D :D :D

[tranquilspot]

John: Check message.

Heeello 4th pesterlog!

TT: I understand you have recently come into possession of the beta release of "The Game of the Year", as featured in respectable periodicals such as GameBro Magazine. EB: that's an ugly rumor. EB: whoever told you that is a filthy liar.

'Respectable' eh? Nice one. John isn't all innocent and 'pure' as much as some people believe. He too can play at the Strilonde game. He has no reason to lie or be in denial about the game, right? Yeah they're just having fun.

EB: and you should probably stop hitting on him all the time or whatever. TT: I can't control myself. TT: I must have a weakness for insufferable pricks.

See Lalonde's sarcarm is a bit like Strider's irony. It's not sincere, but there is nonetheless a part of sincerity in her jokes. She's a lesbian obviously, but maybe she meant more on an intellectual and psychological way. She loves psychoanalyzing his behavior and dreams after all.

TT: John. EB: what? TT: You're wearing one of your disguises now, aren't you? TT: You are typing to me right now while wearing something ridiculous. EB: no, why would you even think that?? EB: that's so stupid. TT: Ok. TT: Why don't you go get the game from your father? EB: alright, wish me luck.

Ok first of, she's really good and observant to be able to pin out exactly what and when John's doing by remembering his mannerism.

Second, it just came in my mind, but isn't John disguising himself with a pipe (and soon with a bowler hat) a way to emulate his dad. Unconscious roleplaying and such? Each kid have a guardian which they look up to, a 'role model'. But there's a conflict inside him, he aspires to become a man/dad, and at the same time there's something that blocks him. His relationship with his dad which also impact and correlate in a echoey way with the relationship John has with his sense of self and dadhood. Does that make sense? That's why Rose gently guides him to interrogate the source of it. And because she has her reasons to play too, of course. TT: Why don't you go get the game from your father? Well she has an inkling, and her trying to unravel his issues unknowingly help her starting to untangle her relationship with her mother. Now that I think about it. Is John nervous about playing the Game? He 'seems' quite neutral, if not irritated. But only because Dad is getting in the way. The Game, for now, symbolizes fun and nonchalance. Is Dad holding, almost hostage, the discs a brutal step into the rite of adulthood? Sburb is a cruel bait, promising fun, meeting your friends, escapism.. But in reality, it forces them to grow violently, prematurely, and more isolated.

EB: alright, wish me luck. EB: oh, btw... EB: jk I was wearing a funny disguise this whole time. EB: gotcha! hehehehe TT: I know, John.

I like their dynamic :) I also like how the pesterlogs are short for now haha —>

[lostjudgmnt]

hi actually i am sharing them now. this is gonna get rambly because i have a lot of thoughts about yagami takayuki and i also love puyo puyo so im running with the fact that it technically canonically exists in his univers. under the cut though so as to not clog up the dash

when yagami was a little kid, his dad got the madou monogatari games and let yagami watch when he played them. yagami was the same age then as arle was in that game! there were some parts his dad wouldnt let him see though because he was like five and there are parts of those games that are unnecessarily fucked up. but its how the two bonded while yagami's dad wasn't at work, for the most part.

the first puyo puyo came out when yagami was eight, and they played that one together as well, but yagami's dad let yagami play it himself, too. it was the first game he ever played and completed entirely on his own. when puyo puyo tsu came out a few years later, yagami and his dad started playing puyo against each other. a lot of yagami's fondest memories are of playing this game with his dad, and its one of the reasons he grew up to be so competitive.

yagami's parents had already died before the next puyo game, puyo puyo sun, was released. in my headcanon timeline, yagami's parents died in early november 1995, and yagami ran away to kamurocho that december. he'd meet matsugane, who'd begin taking care of him best he could. matsugane would find out about yagami's love for those games when puyo puyo sun came to arcades in december 1996, as yagami began talking about them and how much he enjoyed them again. matsugane would then end up buying a sega saturn and the game so he and yagami could play them together, when it came out on the saturn in february 1997. its in playing puyo puyo sun with him that yagami began to consider matsugane his second father.

eventually yagami and kaito would stop fighting and become friends, and mastugane, now yagami's father, would continue buying him puyo puyo games for his birthday and stuff. yagami would continue to be fiercely competitive at the games, and kaito would try to play with him sometimes but would almost always get his ass kicked. one time, though, he set off a six chain by total accident and won and it pissed yagami off so much he physically attacked kaito and matsugane had to ban them from playing together.

puyo pop fever, which came out when yagami was 20, ended up having the mode that became yagami's favorite, and the one he’s best at: fever mode. then they'd play puyo puyo 7 when it came out a few years later, as well as both the anniversary games.

ive decided that the puyo puyo tetris games aren't in the rgg universe in the same year they were released in real time just because the puyo puyo arcade cabinets were beta versions of those games with the tetris characters removed. i know thats just because sega doesn't have licesnsing for the tetris characters, but im leaving them out for reasons im not getting into <3 ex and yagami are best friends forever okay im not elaborating. which would mean puyo chronicle would be next.

puyo chronicle came out not long after the okubo case and the death of terasawa emi. yagami would have just started his private investigator carreer, but it would still be way too fresh of a wound for him at that point. he would have just moved in to his new office, but since he was just starting out, he never had any work, and would spend most of his time curled up on that sofa that just became his bed or at the office tucked in matsugane's room so matsugane could try and protect him from the family's bad faith teasing, but still spend time with him. he'd end up buying puyo chronicle for him then (on whatever equavilant of the 3ds they'd have in that world, i imagine yagami would already own one), and he'd play it while sitting in that room. there's a song in that game that's a new arrangement of the dungeon theme from the first madou game, and i think yagami would recognize it and remember playing those games with his first dad, now playing this game with his second one. and i think it was probably a bit of an emotional experience for him, but in a cathartic way, considering how shit his life had been at that point.

puyo chronicle would be the last actual puyo game to come out in that universe until much much later whene the puyo puyo tetris games are released. matsugane would be gone by that point, too, but hoshino would take interest in the games and start playing them with yagami then. kaito would start trying the games again now that they technically weren't banned anymore, and while he still wouldn't be as good as the others, he'd start to enjoy playing eventually. it sort of spread after that, with mafuyu and saori picking it up, so they'd all start playing against each other (higashi acted like he wasn't interested, but it was mostly that he was intimidated by how good the others were, and their competitiveness, and decided he'd rather not get involved with that)

playing puyo puyo with people essentially is one of yagami's love languages. he'll kick your ass at it probably, especially if its fever mode, but he has a lot of fond memories attached to the series, and finds a lot of joy in it, and sharing that joy with other people is one of his ways of showing love. even, if not especially, he acts like he wants to kill you over it.

im gonna talk about my yagami puyo headcanons in a bit. you will hear about them

[talesofstyles]

Reconcile II

Ok so I know that I wrote the first part with reader insert, but after many, many attempts to keep it that way, it just didn’t work with this one. So I’d like for you to meet Emma. This is my first time writing with OC and wow game changer. I love her and I hope you do too!

Also, I honestly can’t thank my beta queens enough @oh-honey-styles @for-fucks-sake-h 🥺💛 thanks for allll the comments and suggestions and nice words!!! ily both xx

Read part I here

Harry

“So… are we okay now?”

We’re sitting here on the sofa, finally having that very much needed father-daughter date. Granted, a movie night in was not what I had in mind. I wasn’t too thrilled when she said she wanted to just go back home after we dropped George at his classmate’s house for a birthday sleepover. I thought she would hole up in her room instead and ignore me. But she didn’t. I got us pizza for tea, and we’ve got Shrek 2 on the telly. Her animosity towards me disappeared just like that after she asked for a puppy the other day. Of course, I’m glad to have my happy-go-lucky daughter back, but deep down I know that we need to have a proper chat. The change in her behaviour is so abrupt that I know there’s a chance that my daughter is still bitter with me deep down. And that won’t do. I can take a lot of things, but my daughter’s resentment is not one of them.

“Yeah, we’re okay,” she nods as she takes a bite of her pizza. “You’re still getting me a puppy right?”

“I still need to talk to your mum about it, poppet,” I tell her. “Puppies need a lot of attention. It’s going to be hard work and that puppy is going to be a permanent member of our family. We’ve really got to think about it before we decide.”

I expect a little excitement knowing that her mum and I are really considering getting a puppy. But what I get is quite the opposite. My little girl’s gaze drops, her face slackening. Her voice cracks a little when she mumbles, “except… we’re not a family.”

I wince, realising how serious the effect our split has on my daughter. Despite Emma and I putting on a friendly, united front for our children, Minnie is still sad that her parents are not together. 

“Of course we’re still a family,” I assure her, pulling her to me for a comforting side hug. “I’m still your dad, mummy is still your mum, and you and George are still the lights of our lives.” 

“But you and mummy aren’t together anymore,” she points out bitterly. “And you live so far away from us now. I miss having you at home.”

“I know, my love,” I murmur gently, and turn sideways so she can see my face. “It’s killing me too. But you never know what the future holds, right?”

“I guess,” she says glumly.

I wish I can tell her that I’m trying to win her mum back so we can be together again, but I know I can’t do that. This is far too early. I don’t want to get her hopes up in case I’m not successful in convincing my wife to give me another shot. That’ll only break her heart all over again.

Thinking back, I realised that this is the first time we have a proper chat about our split. I fled to LA the next morning after my wife asked me to leave our marital home back in London, leaving her to sit down with our children to tell them that I was not going to live there anymore. I was shocked and angry because I had no idea what I’d done. I thought we were fine. There were no fights leading up to that. I still remember exactly what I told her. ‘You’re the one who wanted to end it, you tell them.’ And then I left.

Just like that. Without a fight.

I swear to God, it’s something that I would never be able to forgive myself. 

“How’s your mum?” 

“She’s sad,” Minnie sighs. “She cries a lot. She thinks we can’t hear her in the shower, but we can.”

Knowing I caused that physically hurts. I rub at the throb of pain behind my breastbone and I think about all those private tears I shed through it. The ones you hope are hidden and silent.

“Can I ask you something, daddy?”

“Anything, poppet.”

“Do you still get sad too?”

I’m not sure how much to divulge here. Does my daughter need to hear that I stopped eating? That I once cried in the loo at Cafe Habana, and once had to be fished out of a bath by Jeff after I turned into a human prune? I was sad. I still wear that hat. 

“I do. It’s the end of something, that’s always sad.”

“I think mum is dating someone,” she says and my eyes widen. “She told us Luke is her friend, but I think he’s her boyfriend. They’re on a date now, aren’t they?”

I can try and deny it, but I know my daughter is smart and won’t buy anything I tell her.

“What do you know about boyfriends?” I tease, my attempt to lighten up the mood. 

“I’ve just turned nine, I’m not stupid,” Minnie rolls her eyes. “‘Sides I’m thinking about getting one of those boyfriend thingies.”

I sit there slack-jawed, and my daughter roars with laughter.

“Minnie Alexandra, you’re going to drive me to an early grave, you know that?”

“Hey, what are you middle naming me for? I was joking!” She says, still laughing as she picks a piece of pepperoni off her pizza.

“How do you feel about your mum dating again?” I ask her.

She pauses. “I don’t know yet. As long as he’s nice and doesn’t put me under the stairs…”

“I’m sure he won’t. In the attic maybe,” I joke.

She laughs again. I’m thinking about keeping that bloke in the attic so my wife won’t date him anymore. Or even better, six feet under my patio. That’ll do.

“It’s gonna be okay, right, dad?”

Honestly, I’m not sure. But I don’t have the heart to tell her that.

“Yeah, Min. It’s gonna be okay.”

***

I see the headlight shining into the front windows as I walk down the stairs from tucking my daughter into her bed. That must be Emma and her date. I pull back the curtain a little to peek outside, and I’m right as I see that bollockface’s car in front of the house. 

You know that saying; curiosity killed the cat? Well, in my case, curiosity fucked me with a chainsaw. 

I’m a bloody idiot. I should have just closed the curtain back as soon as I recognised the car. I mean… it’s the end of a date. What did I expect to see? A high five? I knew I was so sure when they left that he would not be getting anything more than a friendly kiss, but that date must have gone really well, because right now, my eyes may as well fall out of their sockets as I see that bastard’s tongue down my wife’s throat. 

I’m frozen. I’m gripping the curtain so tight that my knuckles are turning white. I stand there—stunned. Watching. I’m not even sure for how long. It does feel like forever. Like an eternity. 

In hell.

And then Emma pulls back, and everything seems like a blur. I have to remind myself that my daughter is sleeping upstairs so I won’t go apeshit and knock that wanker square on his arse. 

I’m still glued to the floor by the door. I’m too shocked to move. I hear the sound of keys rattling before the door swings open, and she looks surprised when she sees me.

And all hell breaks loose.

“What the fuck, Emma?!” She jolts at hearing me shout. I rarely did it. In fact, I’m not even sure if I’d ever yell at my wife before throughout our marriage. “You told me last night you’d never even kissed him. You told me you weren’t ready.”

“I- I don’t know. He caught me off guard. That was-”

“I told you I wanted to make this work,” I remind her, trying to lower my voice so I won’t wake my daughter up. She doesn’t need to see this. “Us. Our marriage. I told you I wanted to fight for you. But I can’t do that with someone shoving their tongue down my wife’s throat, can I?”

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I see her tear up and I immediately feel regret. That was harsh. But before I can apologise, I can see her lip curls up and I know she’s about to get nasty. It’s a rarity with her when we’ve fought in the past, but I feel it coming.

“You’re unbelievable, you know that?” She sneers. “You think that if you put a toy down, it’ll still be sitting there when you want to play with it again.”

“That’s-”

“You have no right to be upset at me. We’ve split up for nearly a year now. What I do and what I don’t do on my dates is none of your business.” 

“I want us to give our marriage another shot,” I say in exasperation. “I want to try to win you back, but fuck’s sake you’re not even giving me the time of day.”

“Oh, look how the tables turned,” she taunts. “Sucks, innit? Being the one struggling to find the time when it seems like the other doesn’t give a crap?”

“Cheap shot, Ems,” I retort.

“Truth hurts, doesn’t it, H?” 

Emma averts her eyes, her lower lip quivering. I can’t tell if she regrets her harsh words or not, but she doesn’t look back my way, and she seems to have said her piece.

I knew sooner or later this was bound to happen. We never had our big fight, not even that night when she decided that enough was enough.

“I cannot possibly go through that again. It physically hurts,” she says softly. “I know I was the one who ended it, but when you just left like that the next morning without so much of a fight as if ten years means nothing to you… that really did hurt. You left me alone to talk to the kids about what happened. And sure, you did call every day. But it took you nearly nine months to finally come and see your children?”

“I needed some time. Some space,” I tell her. “Do you think it’s easy for me being there? Away from my wife and kids?”

“You chose to be there.”

“You know I couldn’t stay in London,” I murmur. “It’s too hard. At least in LA sometimes I can just pretend that everything’s okay. That we’re okay. That my wife and kids will be there waiting for me when I get home. I can’t do that in London.”

“That’s a shit excuse and you know it,” she mutters.

“I still love you, Em,” I say with a sigh. I know trying to defend myself further for what I did will get me nowhere. “We can fix this. We can be a family again.”

“Harry, it’s too late.”

“Is it him?” I can’t help but go there, because that’s a possibility. “Do you love him already?”

“Luke is a fresh start for me, H. I may not love him now but at least it doesn’t hurt looking at him. It took me months to be able to get back up again, to get to where I am right now. To finally find a little bit of peace.”

Emma’s head hangs low, and she rubs at her temple with her fingers. I want nothing more than to pull her into my arms. But by how stiff her spine is, I can tell she wouldn’t come willingly. 

“I’m sorry, Emma,” I whisper, resigned. Tears well up in our eyes. There’s nothing I can say that will change her mind because we’re not seeing eye to eye. She’s still focused on the past, not that I blame her because I did hurt her badly, but I know that there is no way we can go anywhere if she can’t see past the harms I’ve caused in the past.  “I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive me.”

“I’ve forgiven you a long time ago,” she says, her expression softens. Her thumb runs at a part of her finger where a ring used to be. “Now, I just want us to try and make this separation work. Focus on the kids. Let’s do the right thing by them.”

I nod.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah.”

“When did it all start?” I ask, my voice cracks a little. “When did you start feeling like you’re invisible to me?”

“I’m not sure I can point down to one exact moment,” she takes a shaky breath and pauses. “The change was gradual that by the time I realised it, I didn’t even recognise us anymore. I spent days and nights wondering what happened to us. That wasn’t us.”

I wipe that one tear running halfway down her cheek, and as soon as my thumb touches her skin, I lose it. I can’t help it by this point. Tears flow as much as I try to hold them back. She’s crying too. This is painful. 

“And it’d be too easy to say that I felt invisible,” she continues. “Because the truth is, I felt painfully visible. You ignored me on purpose. I wasn’t even sure what I was to you anymore, because the only chance for me to get your attention was by getting you in bed. And that was wrong. It hurts, because it felt like you only needed me to warm your bed.”

I want to deny that statement. I want to yell it’s not true. That I never intended to take her for granted. That she still makes my heart skip a beat like a bloody teenager seeing his first crush. 

But I don’t.

Because she’s right. I’m not sure what happened either, but we’d changed. Maybe it’s our jobs, maybe it’s the endless responsibilities. Domesticity, children, they wore us down. Kisses became perfunctory. Hugs became less frequent. Hell, I couldn’t even remember the last time I took my wife for a date night other than for social obligations.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her again. I’ll spend the rest of my life apologising to her if I have to, she deserves it. “I hurt you badly. I really am sorry, Emma.”

“It wasn’t all you though,” she mumbles. “I never called you out on it.”

“You didn’t,” I reply. “I never worked out why?”

“I swept it under the carpet because it was embarrassing. It felt silly having to ask for your attention. And I don’t know… pride, maybe? And the kids. I didn’t want them to know something was wrong. So I played along and carried on like nothing was happening.”

“When really…”

“It was like a punch to the guts each time. You were an excellent father. You still are, the kids adore you. This may sound insane and it’s embarrassing and painful for me to admit this, but there were times when I saw you with the kids and I couldn’t help but feel jealous. When you couldn’t even be bothered to look at me… it felt like you took a dump over all my love for you.”

“Emma…”

“I wish I could get past that. I wish I could just forget what happened and trust you again.” 

I bring her in for a hug and say nothing. She needs to get this all out. This is part of the process, and I’m here to listen. 

But where do we go from there?

Reconciling a broken marriage is tricky. I am not a violent person but I have never wanted to strangle people as much as I want to strangle those who wrote articles with countless advice regarding this subject, making it seem like it’s easy. Talk it out, get your point across, and you’re out of the dog house. Well, you know what, bollockface? It turns out that listening is not enough. Sod you and your dumb articles. 

All I know is that I can’t rush this. She’s not ready, and that’s okay. Right now, we both have things to work on. She needs to learn to let go of her resentment, and I have to learn not to take anything and anyone for granted ever again. This is killing me, but there is no one to blame but myself. I take solace in knowing the fact that I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Maybe one day we’ll be back together. Maybe we won’t. 

“Thank you for telling me all that,” I mumble against her hair. 

“Thank you for listening,” she looks up and gives me a sad smile.

***

Emma comes from a big family. 

There’s Jamie, her eldest brother and the only guy. I think the fact that he grew up surrounded by sisters was what made us the closest in the first place. He hates wine, even though he makes a career out of managing his own vineyard. I know, the irony. The next is Suze, sister number one who lives in Sheffield with her husband and three girls. Suze and her husband are both orthopaedic surgeons. Then my wife, the middle child. Then Meg, sister number two who just had a baby. It’s another girl so my George is still the only grandson in the family. And then Lucy, the youngest of the clan who’s still in university. 

They all live nearby, and I knew that all my in-laws hated me a tiny bit for taking their daughter and sister away. They were a hard outfit to infiltrate. You don’t enter into a relationship with one of them, you get a whole gaggle of them. It was hard to get in, but once you’re in, you’re in for life. 

After we’d split, I called my parents-in-law the next morning just before my flight to LA. I wasn’t sure whether or not Emma had told them about what happened, but I felt like it was the right thing to do. After all, they’d become my parents too for a decade. So I explained and apologised. Of course, I didn’t tell them the details because I knew they were between Emma and me, and they respected us enough not to ask. They were upset, but they also understood that these things happen in life. All they wanted was just for their grandbabies to come out of this unscathed. 

Now here I am, walking behind Emma and our children as we step over the threshold into her parents’ home for their monthly roast. Her parents invited me and I accepted. I don’t want to turn down any extra time I have with my kids as I’ve decided to leave today and head back to London. I was prepared to stay longer, take some time off work and fight for my marriage, but since it all has gone to pot, I figured I should leave. The world doesn’t stop even when you’re struggling with marital woes. I’ve got work to do, and I also know that it is best to give Emma space. 

I hear voices as we walk inside.

“If littl’uns are going in highchairs then what’s that extra space for?” I hear Meg’s husband say.

Meg tells him. “Count again, addition was never your strong point.”

“Oh.”

The house is suddenly quiet when they see me. This is my first time seeing the whole family again after we split, and even though my parents-in-law and I are on good terms, and Jamie too, I know the sisters would be a different story. All four of them are beyond close and they’re now looking at me as if they should’ve chucked me in the oven instead of the chicken.

You don’t do that to our sister. You hurt one, you hurt all of us. 

“Uncle Harry!” Freya shouts in excitement. She is one of Suze’s daughters. She and her twin sister Tessa are only a few months older than my George.

Suze, who is sitting on the sofa, looks a bit sullen, not knowing what the right call is to make. Meg and her husband freeze. 

“Alright there, mate?” Jamie greets me, trying to ease the tension. Suze glares at him.

“Are you here to do magic then, Uncle Harry?” Tessa asks. 

I bend down to her level. “Not sure I know any magic, Tessie.”

“Yeah you do!” Freya pipes up. “Because when we were driving here, daddy said you did a disappearing act on Aunty Ems. Show us what you did!”

“FREYA!” Her dad barks.

Meg can barely contain her giggles.

“But we like magic. You’re rubbish at magic,” she says to her dad. He widens his eyes. 

The sisters are now all smiling smugly, knowing a couple of six-year-olds just shamed me on their behalf. Extra roast potatoes for those two.

Lucy, the littlest sister, suddenly enters. That’s definitely not a happy face. “Oh, it’s you. Is that why everyone went so quiet? What are you doing here?”

“Luce,” Emma mutters.

“Because I invited him,” says a voice emerging from the kitchen. My father-in-law. “Harry, glad you could make it.”

“Of course,” I reply. “Thanks for the invitation.”

Lucy stares daggers at her dad, knowing she can’t unleash her trademark rapier wit as she’s surrounded by her little nieces and nephews. That one may be the youngest but she’s the scariest out of all the sisters, my wife included.

“Look, if it’s weird, I can just leave?” I offer.

“Nonsense, you must stay for supper,” Emma’s mum replies.

“Yeah, Harry, stay,” says Emma’s dad, staring at his daughters. “I want you lot to be nice. Otherwise, I’m putting you on the kids table. You hear me?”

The three of them nod in unison. 

“You two look well,” I say, my attempt to make small talk. 

“You know, dad’s been singing this morning,” Emma’s mum chirps, tilting her head towards her husband. “He joined a male choir. They think they’re Westlife.”

We all can’t help but laugh. This is classic mum. The tension seems to ease away. 

Let’s just hope it stays that way.

***

There’s a strange feeling of déjà vu as I take a seat on the steps in front of the cottage. 

I’m all packed up and ready to go. My weekender bag is in the boot of my car. Nothing left to do but say goodbye to my wife and kids, but I don’t go straight inside. 

Not yet. I need a moment.

These steps witnessed a lot of our marriage even though we’d never stayed here for longer than a couple of weeks at a time. We loved to sit out here in the summer. I remember when I first brought my stuff here shortly after we got married, we sat out here with beers, sleeves rolled up, boxes stacked into Jenga-style columns. 

I also remember sitting here last year on Christmas morning. Emma and I were both in our pyjamas and slippers, sipping coffees out of our matching Christmas mugs. We watched the kids ride their new scooters up and down the street. Everything was perfect. I had no idea that my marriage would end in just two months after that.

“Harry?”

I look over my shoulder and I urge her to sit beside me. She comes over and does just that. There is silence. We don’t say a word to each other. A quiet hum of traffic in the distance, puffs of breath cloud the air making me think we should both be wearing coats. Christmas is nearly here again. My heart aches at the thought of this being our first Christmas since everything fell apart.

“I’m sorry,” she says softly.

“I should be the one apologising, Em.”

“I know you wanted to work things out,” I hear the sadness in her voice. “I really loved you, you know that, right?”

“I do,” I nod. “Our marriage, all those years… it wasn’t all bad, though, right?”

“Of course,” she quickly replies. “We had our moments. We have Minnie and George.”

We pause, letting that sink in. In all this mess, those two were and remain everything, some symbol of our marriage not being a complete disaster. 

“There were also times when you were a good husband,” she adds.

“Why do I feel like you’re going to pat me on the head?”

Emma laughs under her breath.

“Your new bloke seemed a nice sort,” I tell her, because it’s true. I may hate the guy with a burning passion, but that’s only because he’s dating my wife. 

“He is.”

“That got legs?” I ask her.

“Possibly.”

“I want you to be happy, Ems,” I tell her. “With or without me.”

“Harry…”

“But I also want you to know that I’ll be waiting for you. No rush, no timeline. I’ll wait for as long as it takes. Because for me, it’s either you or no one else.”

The front door opens and two little faces pop out from behind it.

“What are you doing out here? It’s freezing!” Shouts Minnie.

“Well then come here and give me cuddles to warm me up,” I tell her.

Emma and I take a kid each. She takes George and lets him entangle his legs in hers, cradling himself into the hook of his mummy’s arm. Minnie uses me like a climbing frame. I bop her on the nose as I’ve done since she was a baby, and I like that it never stops being hilarious to her. The sky starts to dim, trees casting shadows onto the pavement. A house down the road has some festive lights that switch on and flicker on and off in strange syncopated patterns.

“This is nice,” Minnie mumbles. “I miss the awesome foursome.”

“The awesome foursome, huh?” I ask.

“That’s what you used to call us,” I hear the sadness in her voice and my heart aches. I know she feels this all a lot more than her little brother. “I still remember.”

“Do you really have to go again, daddy?” George looks at me with sad puppy dog eyes. 

“Yeah, do you?” Minnie asks. “I love having you here.”

“I do, my loves,” I reply sadly. “Be good for mummy, alright? I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

“I don’t like seeing you go,” George mumbles.

The emotion is a little unbearable and I see a tear trail down my wife’s cheek. George looks petrified seeing his mum cry. 

“Don’t be sad, mummy.”

“I’m not sad,” she shakes her head, quickly wiping the tear off her cheek. “I’m just sorry daddy and I couldn’t make it work.”

“Did we do something wrong?” George asks, looking at his mum and then me.

“Oh, mate,” I reach out to cup his face, Emma pulls him into a hug. “Of course not. You didn’t do anything wrong. You two are perfect, you hear me?”

“Do you still love each other?” Minnie asks.

Emma looks at me in the eye as she answers our daughter. “I’ll always love your dad, because he gave me both of you.”

“And I’ll always love your mum,” I say, my eyes pinned on my wife. “No matter what.”

Emma

“So… tell me, he a good lay? He looks the sort to have some girth.”

I probably should have warned you beforehand about this sister of mine.

Lucy is my entertainer sister who has done every job going alongside studying. She went to dance school, spent six months on a cruise ship, has been an extra and once did a two-month stint in Les Misérables. On weekends she dresses up as Disney characters and does kids’ parties which means she owns a lot of wigs and always has glitter in her bra. She’s the fun one. I keep her close because as much as I love my other siblings, this one has been a good entertainment through my separation. Mum suggested for her to live with me for a couple of weeks when I first moved back to the Peak, and I’m so glad she did. It was around the time I lost a stone and would spend most of the time napping, crying and staring at the wall, surviving on cups of tea and Rich Tea fingers. She couldn’t cook or clean and she used all my shampoo but she brought some light into the house when grey clouds threatened to consume it. She was also a great distraction because I could live vicariously through her tales of going to gigs and clubs and hear how she’s not slept and got her boobs out for reasons of fun and frivolity.

However, when you talk to her, she always goes there. She’s brash and has no conversational limit. She thinks her purpose is to not only feed me but also revive a pretty dead sex life too. Actually, it’s not just her. After my husband and I split, my sisters think it’s their job to pique my interest in men again. Luke happened after a boozy Chinese takeaway about two months ago when I joked that a spring roll was the most phallic thing I’d had in my mouth for over half a year. I remember a dumpling rolled out of Meg’s mouth in shock, so Suze decided to play the matchmaker and introduced me to Luke who worked at the same hospital with her.

Tonight, we’re having another takeaway night since my parents have all the grandchildren for the weekend. Bless them for entertaining that crew of children we seem to have acquired over the past nine years. We have seven between Suze, myself and Meg, and I just hope that my parents are well stocked with wine. They will need it. 

We all sit around my dining room table with the remnants of a KFC bargain bucket, a selection of Thai food, a giant bag of chips and some battered sausages. I’d admit that we were already a little drunk to buy food sanely. Luke is also here, I thought it’d be nice to give my sisters the chance to get to know him. And it doesn’t take Lucy more than thirty seconds after Luke gets up to take a phone call before asking such questions. 

“I don’t know? I haven’t slept with him yet.”

Lucy looks at me in confusion. “But you’ve been on dates and stuff?”

“We did have a cheeky snog last week but we’re taking it slow.”

“What are you waiting for? Just go shag him. Erase the memory of that wanker?” 

“Hey, he’s your niece and nephew’s father,” I chastise her for calling Harry names. “Don’t call him that.”

“Why don’t you want to sleep with Luke?” Meg, my other sister asks me. “Lucy is right though. He’s really tall, I bet he’s VWE.”

“What’s that?” I ask.

“Very well-endowed.”

I chuckle. “Honestly, I wouldn’t know what to do with it.”

Meg giggles and places her head on my shoulder. 

“Last time I had sex was on Valentine’s Day, girls. Do your maths. The next day, my marriage collapsed.”

Both of them huddle into me like penguins. 

“Which is why you just need to get over yourself,” Lucy remarks. “You need to remember what sex is like. It’ll be fun and make you feel good. If you don’t want to do it with Luke, you can have some taster session? I’ve got a uni mate who’d shag you.”

“Lovely. No.”

Lucy huffs. “You’re so boring.”

“Honestly, Em, Luke is fit. Seems like a nice fella, and he genuinely likes you. I’d have a go on him if I weren’t married. You should just do it,” says Meg.

“Yeah, you could shag him tonight,” Lucy adds. “Meg and I can piss off out and then…” 

Then she does a strange rave-style dance as she thinks of her plan coming together. Luke returns from his phone call and Lucy jiggles in her seat. Don’t you bloody dare. 

“Luke, we need more wine,” says Lucy. “There is not enough and we thought you could walk down to the shop and get some?”

Meg and I look at each other for a second, wondering what our sister is up to. 

“Sure, yeah, I could get wine,” Luke replies. “Any other requests?”

If she tells him to get condoms in then I will skewer her with a chopstick.

“Anything you might fancy or need?”

She’s walking an incredibly thin, thin line. 

Luke gets up to retrieve his coat and grazes my hand as he does. This move doesn’t go unnoticed by Meg and she gives me a sly wink. I hand him my keys and he heads for the front door. Meg stares Lucy out.

“Seriously?” She says.

“We need to prepare you if you’re going to sleep with him.”

“Like mentally?” I ask.

“Like have you had a tidy? This will be your first time. You’ll need to at least tidy up the flaps and do a bit of topiary.”

“LUCY!” I gasp and laugh at the same time, holding my hand to my face. Who is this woman? How can you raise five children in the same house and come up with such a random entity?

She stands up and heads for my kitchen drawers, rifling around until she pulls out a pair of scissors.

“Show me your bush,” she orders.

“Lucy! I prepare food with those scissors.”

“And we’ll wash them?”

Meg is in hysterics as she sees this scene unfolding in front of us.

“I’m not getting my bush out in my kitchen.”

“You’re so dull,” Lucy complains. “I’m trying to help here. What are your pits like? Shame there’s no time to tackle your upper lip.”

I put my hand over it instinctively. “I’ve got a moustache?”

“Well, you’re not Tom Selleck but it could do with a bleach.”

“You’re being cruel now, Luce,” Meg giggles. “But I think we do need the comedy of seeing Lucy trimming your bush in the kitchen.”

I stand up reluctantly and unbutton my jeans.

“Ha!” Exclaims Lucy. “You’re wearing nice knickers, you knew this was going to happen. Just peel them back a little and let me have a look.”

“Be quick for fuck’s sake. This is something that no one needs to see.”

“Do you want a shape?”

“What?”

“Yeah, like a heart? It’d be cute.”

“No!”

Meg roars with laughter.

“I’ll just trim the length then,” says Lucy. “Meg, put your hand out.”

“Do I have to?”

“Don’t you love your sister enough to at least hold her pubes?”

I’m not even sure what’s happening here. One sister is very close to my private regions with a sharp object and I hear the creak of metal as she shears away. The other collects the trimmings in a napkin in her palm. This feels like an opportune moment to ring Suze, our other sister, and start a FaceTime chat. That time we all took one for the team so Emma could reclaim her sex life.

“Thanks, Luce.”

“You don’t say this enough I feel.”

“We really don’t,” says Meg.

“Want me to look at yours, Meg?”

“I’m good.”

“What if he’s into weird stuff?” I ask.

“Like?”

“I don’t know… maybe like choking? Stuff like that.”

“Well, no one breaks out all the moves on their first time,” says Meg but Lucy gives us a look like she begs to differ.

“And I’m not on anything. I stopped the pills months ago. What if I get pregnant?”

“That’s what condoms are for?” 

They both give me a look that says I am not fourteen and that I should have an inkling about how reproduction works and the preventative measures that I can put in place to stop myself from getting pregnant. 

“How do I initiate it?”

“Maybe you could dance for him?” says Luce mockingly. “You’ve both had a drink, let it just happen. Planned sex is the worst kind of sex.”

“I planned nothing. You’re the one who’s got the kitchen scissors.”

“I’m done, anyway. Not my finest work but then at least he’ll be able to find it?”

Meg laughs again as she goes to the bin with her napkin of pubes. I do my jeans up and sit at the table, downing what’s left in my glass. What if he can’t get it up? Or worse, what if he doesn’t like my boobs? I have modest boobs. They wouldn’t win any competitions. What if he wants better boobs?

“You’re overthinking,” says Meg.

“I haven’t got any condoms.”

Lucy reaches inside her handbag, pulls out two packets of johnnies and hands them to me. How far ahead has she planned this?

“Any other excuse?” Lucy asks.

“Look, tonight, just get naked with the fella, have some bloody fun. Enjoy yourself.”

I hear the key go in the latch of the front door. That was quick. Crap. Luke enters the kitchen with two bottles of red that I immediately feel guilty about as I’ve got a rack of it in the utility room. He also carries a few packs of crisps and takes the kitchen scissors that were on my table.

“No!” I stop him. “Those need to be washed.”

He looks at me in confusion and I love that he puts them in the sink without any further questions asked. He rips opens the packet of crisps with his hands instead.

“Crisps?”

Lucy grabs a handful of crisps before she grabs her phone, pretending to read some texts. “Bollocks! Meg, we forgot about the party.”

Meg quickly plays along. “Oh yeah, crap. It’s that birthday party, innit?”

I feel awful. I’m sending the sisters back out into the cold so Luke and I can have the house to ourselves. They both keep winking at me which is more down to the fact that they’ve had at least a bottle of wine each for themselves tonight. Luke stands at the kitchen door while I wave everyone off. This feels weird. 

“Have fun, kids!” Chants Lucy as she shepherds Meg away from the house. I shut the door.

And then there were two. I turn around and Luke is no longer at the doorway. I tiptoe into the kitchen to find him stacking plates. 

“Shall we tidy up now?” He asks.

“It can wait.”

My phone on the table lights up with an incoming text. It’s Lucy. Don’t forget to adjust your tits. Make sure they’re facing forwards. Show a bit of bra. 

Does this mean my boobs are not always facing forward? Where are they looking? This isn’t helping at all. I ignore it.

“Alright,” Luke says with a smile that makes me feel relaxed but also on the faint side of nauseated. It’s probably first time nerves. Is it weird that I’m thinking about the cleanliness of my bedroom? Did I pick up yesterday’s bra from the corner of my room? Do I remember how to go down on a man? What if he doesn’t fancy me?

Sometimes I can’t help but wonder whether my marriage ended with Harry because I was terrible in bed. Maybe I wasn’t attractive enough. I’ve had kids, parts of me are stretched and doughy. Maybe I didn’t provide what he needed. 

In the last year of our marriage, I think it’s safe to say that I was mainly the one to initiate things between us and my success rate wasn’t 100%. There’s this nagging thought in my head that maybe even on those nights I succeeded, those were just pity shags.

You know what, sod it. 

I grab him by the collar and kiss him. He stumbles a little but then lets his body fold into mine. I can do this. Crap. He’s lifting me up. He sits me on the counter and I’d like to say the moment overtakes but there’s red wine inches from my arse so I move the glass with my hand whilst still kissing him. We’re kissing. This is weird. It’s different. It’s not my husband’s lips. Why am I thinking about my husband’s lips? 

I shake my head, banishing that image. Harry doesn’t belong in this room with me right now. 

I feel his hands in the small of my back and then he lifts my jumper over my head. I’m in my bra. Don’t overthink it. Oh, the bra is off. My nipples are out in the kitchen. I run my fingers through his hair as he trails kisses down my neck. Is it weird that right now, at this very moment, all I can think about is that his blond, floppy hair looks like a golden retriever?

I gasp and push him away involuntarily when his mouth wraps on my nipple. This is wrong. This feels wrong. I thought it was just first time jitters but now I think this is deeper than that. 

“Are you alright?” He asks, looking concerned.

I grab my jumper and quickly put it back on. “I… I’m sorry, Luke. I can’t. I have to go.”

“Emma, I’m sorry,” his face reads panic. “Did I read the signals wrong? I thought you wanted this. I feel terrible. I’m so sorry.”

“No, please don’t apologise,” I say hastily. “You didn’t. I did want this. Or so I thought. It’s just… I’m not ready. I don’t think I’ll be ready any time soon. Or ever.”

“What do you mean? Are you breaking up with me?”

I have to be straight with him. I take a deep breath. “I want to give you the opportunity to walk away. You’re a good guy, Luke. I just don’t think it’s fair for me to string you along if we can never progress.”

“Is it your ex-husband?”

He’s still my husband. But I don’t say this out loud. 

“He told me that he wanted to give our marriage another shot about two weeks ago when he was here,” I tell him. “I did say no right away. I didn’t think it was a good idea. But…”

“Is it really?” He asks. “You two have a lot of history. Two kids. Why wouldn’t you give him a chance?”

“I’m worried.”

“And what are you worried about?”

“My heart?” I say quietly. “I don’t want to go through that again.”

Luke smiles at me through sympathetic eyes. “Listen to me, Emma. I’m not a cardiologist, but I know that the hearts are the strongest organs in the human body. They can go through anything.”

What happens next feels like a blur. All I know is that by midnight, I’m already halfway down the M1, on my way to London. 

Harry

It was a knock on the door that woke me up.

When I first open my eyes, I’m disoriented. I don’t know what time it is, or how long I’ve been asleep. Then I realise I’m on the sofa, and it’s still dark outside. It’s also raining. I walk towards the door and open it, just in time to catch a figure going down the steps, which doesn’t take me more than a second to recognise. I am in complete shock. Is this real? Is that really my wife, standing in front of my door in the middle of the night? Or are my eyes deceiving me?

“Emma?”

She stops on the pavement and slowly turns to face me. She’s spooked through—her jeans moulded to the curves of her legs, the sleeves of her jumper dripping, her hair flat, lips slightly tinged with blue.

“I don’t know why I’m here,” she says. “Don’t know what I was thinking.”

I open the door wider, and my voice is drowsy and deep when I say, “Come on, let’s talk inside.”

She takes a step back instead.

“I just… I wasn’t thinking. I’m here. I don’t know why,” she sounds genuinely bewildered—even a little panicked.

“Are the kids in the car?” I ask her and she shakes her head. The wind blows, spraying ice-cold drops across my bare skin where my shirt hangs open. “You’re shivering, honey, come inside.” 

She stares at me, so many emotions swirling in her expression. She’s like a skittish kitten who can’t decide if she should let the stranger pat her head or haul up the nearest tree. It breaks my heart.

“I don’t think I can.”

So I go to her. 

The rain is cold and hard, soaking my shirt. Her eyes dart from the pavement, to my chest, up to my eyes and back again, like she’s ready to bolt—but her feet stay glued.

I lean in so she can hear me through the rain. “Do you remember the first time we went to Paris together? When we were young and crazy enough to only rent one electric scooter for both of us, and we rode around the city at night?”

The corners of her mouth tug up a little. “I remember.”

“But then I was going way too fast and we hit a rock, and both of us went flying. I didn’t want to ride anymore the next day, because I was afraid you’d get hurt. Do you remember what you told me?”

“I said…” she begins, her eyes meet mine. “I said we had to keep riding. Because it’s the only thing that made falling worth it.”

I nod tenderly and hold out my hand. “I’m not going to let us fall this time, Emma.”

Her eyes are back on the pavement. “I’m not sure-”

I know she still doesn’t trust me. I know that sadness on her face and how it penetrates so deeply. I know she’s probably better off without me, the bastard who crushed her heart and soul and took her for granted for years. 

We shy away from the things that hurt us. But that’s what scars are for. They protect the wounds. They cover them with thick, numb tissue so we’ll never have to feel that same pain again. The scars that my wife has inside? They’re tough. 

I beg when she continues to stare at my hand, “Please, just come inside.”

Slowly, tentatively, her hand slides into mine. 

And we go in out of the rain.

I take her upstairs to the bedroom that used to be ours. Her teeth chatter as she sits on the edge of the bed. I throw a blanket over her shoulders, rubbing her arms, sliding down to cup her hands. 

“Shit, you’re freezing. How long were you out there?”

“A while. I was walking… thinking.”

“Just some friendly advice. Next time you go a-wandering, stop and buy an umbrella.”

Emma shivers as she laughs. I pull the blanket closer around her and rub her back. 

“So… you gonna tell me what’s this midnight adventure about?” 

Her voice comes out soft and wavering in the dark room. “I was with Luke.”

“Did he do something to you? I’ve watched enough crime documentaries to pull a perfect murder.”

She shakes her head and chuckles. “We were having a takeaway night. Meg and Lucy were there too, but then they left and there were just the two of us and-”

“Please spare me the details,” I beg.

“Nothing happened. I just… I couldn’t get through it. Your face kept popping out in my head and I knew that if I went all the way through, we’d lose our chance. And I didn’t want us to lose our chance. I know this is completely the opposite of what I said to you two weeks ago but it’s true. I wasn’t ready then and maybe I’m still not ready now, but I don’t know about the future and you said you’d wait for me and…”

Her words trail off and my chest clenches with that sublime mix of excitement and trepidation. Of wanting something so much it’s like every cell in your body is stretching, reaching for it, yet there’s a grey shadow of worry that you might never get to touch it.

“Oh, Ems…”

I cup my hands around hers and blow into them. Another shiver vibrates through her. 

For a moment we sit there in silence. Memories of us in this bed come flooding back. Of the kids piling in here bright and early, and us having cuddles and catch ups over the week just gone. Of the two of us and that sacred half an hour we had together before we go to sleep. Where we could have a proper chat without little voices interrupting us every few seconds. Sometimes we’d read together too, and other times when we just couldn’t be arsed, we’d simply spend that half an hour scrolling through memes and having a laugh together.

“You’ve got to get out of these wet clothes,” I say gently, with absolutely no teasing suggestion. We’re right on the precipice. I can feel it. And I have to tread so carefully, because one wrong move could send her away, truly lost to me.

I peel my soaked shirt off and let it drop to the floor. Her eyes move, trailing over my shoulders. I stand and slowly unbutton my jeans, leaving me in black boxer briefs. 

Her eyes follow my every move, looking at me.

I push the blanket off her shoulders and let it drop to the floor. I grasp her jumper at the bottom and lift slowly. I wait for her to push me away but she doesn’t. She raises her arms instead. I pull the jumper over her head and it lands with a plop on the floor. I remind myself not to enjoy the view. I’m trying hard not to look.

My chest rises and falls as rapidly as hers. I sink to my knees in front of her and reach out for the button of her jeans. She lifts her hips and my fingertips graze her skin as I slide them down her thighs, leaving the white lace knickers in place. 

“Get under the sheets,” I whisper and she does just that.

She scoots to her side of the bed, and I slide beside her. Without a word, she snuggles into my side. The cool feel of her flesh is a shock at first, but in just a few moments, my heat chases away her chill. Except for her feet. I practically jump when she runs one up my calf.

“Yer a bloody ice cube!”

She laughs kind of evilly. 

We face each other, almost nose to nose. Her hair still drips at the ends and a drop trickles over her collarbone, down her chest, and I’ve got to take a deep breath—because I want to lick it off her so badly.

“Talk to me,” she says softly.

“I’m taking time off work.”

“But you never take time off work?” 

“I’ve got a lot to make up to the kids,” I tell her. “So I told Jeff to bugger off for at least until after New Year.”

I see her smile in the dim light.

“I’m gonna stay up with my mum,” I add. “I’ll only be an hour away from you lot.”

This is something that I’ve been mulling about. If I really do want a chance with Emma, I need to move up there because absence does not make the heart grow fonder. That may be true in secondary school when you went away for the summer. But in marriage, especially in a broken marriage, absence separates people. It creates distance. That’s the opposite of what you’re trying to achieve. You want the closeness back.

My wife’s palm runs over my bicep—tentatively at first—then with a surer touch. “They’d love that.”

“Also, you remember my old mate Stu?” She nods. “We got in touch just earlier today. He’s got a litter of puppies and he offered one for us. I told him I need to talk to you first. So what do you think?”

“A puppy, huh?”

“A puppy.” 

“I think that’s a good idea,” she says. “But I’ve never had a dog though.”

“I can train it first at my mum’s?” I offer. “I’ll get it all settled. Then when it starts sleeping through the night, I’ll bring it over.”

“Does it make me a terrible mum for wishing we had that kind of service when the kids were newborns?” 

“We had that service. It’s called sending them to the grandparents.”

We both laugh, and when the laughter dies down, we’re silent for a few minutes. The thrum of my heartbeat jacks up as her hand continues to stroke my arm. 

“Harry?” Her voice is the barest whisper, like she’s checking to see if I’m asleep. 

“Hmm?”

“I… I’ve missed you. So much.”

And I’m done.

The need to kiss her, to touch her, has been pulling at me like a raging current ever since I saw her on the front step, and with those few words, I let the current take me. 

***

Numerous studies have shown that having sex extends the human life span. At this rate, Emma and I are going to live forever. We probably slept twenty minutes max throughout the night and I’ve lost count of the number of times we’ve done it. I’m pretty sure the last time we did something like that was ten years ago on our honeymoon. 

We’re sitting at the breakfast nook. Her hair mussy and she’s wearing one of my T-shirts. She looks freshly fucked, which I know to be true, and I reckon she’d be ready to crawl back into bed with me if I just crook my finger. But I don’t do that. Because this, us, sitting here in the morning sunlight, playing footsies under the table while we talk over coffee is all I’ve been dreaming about every morning.

“What are you thinking about?” She asks when she catches me looking.

“You,” I smile. “You look perfect.”

“No, no more,” she shakes her head frantically. “I won’t be able to walk.”

“You dirty lass, I was trying to be romantic and all that,” I can’t help but snort in laughter. “And you always do that… rebuff any type of compliment I try to give you.”

It’s true. If I tell her she looks beautiful, she waves a dismissive hand at me. If I compliment her mind, she blushes. Even an appreciative look from me has her turning shy like a schoolgirl.

When she doesn’t respond to me, I continue to poke at her. “Why is that? Why does it embarrass you when I tell you that you’re smokin’ hot?”

She wrinkles her nose at me. “Because it’s weird. I feel like you just have to say that.” 

She pretends to go through one of her old magazines from when she still lived here. I reach across the table and bat at it, causing one side to pull out of her hands and reveal her entire face to me. Now she’s glaring. “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.”

And I grin when I see red stain her cheeks.

“And you’ve got the most gorgeous body. I take one look at you naked and I can’t help but get rock hard.”

“Stop it,” she blusters, now blushing all the way down her neck.

I change tactics, but I know this will embarrass her just as much. “You are the most amazing woman. Kindest, genuine and grounded. Funniest too. And you’re the best mother for our babies.”

“Okay,” she snaps at me as she closes the magazine and slams it down onto the table. “You’ve made your point.”

Chuckling, I stretch back in my chair and nudge her foot with mine under the table. “You’re adorable.”

She rolls her eyes, which I find to be beyond adorable. 

Standing up from my chair, I walk around the table and hold my hand out to her. She willingly takes it and stands when I give her a tug. It’s a natural move for her, to walk straight into my embrace and press herself against me. I tilt my head and kiss her on her jaw. “It’s something you need to get used to… compliments from me. It’s never going to stop.”

She moans softly in my ear.

“Want to know what else you’re going to have to get used to?” I whisper as I kiss my way down her neck.

Her fingers come up, tangle in my hair, and fist tightly. “What’s that?”

“My face between your legs.”

***

Some people might not put Quaglino’s into the romantic restaurant bracket, but they’d be wrong, very wrong. In actual fact, it’s quite hard to top. The interior has this 1930’s romance charm with candlelit tables, dark-panelled walls and an adjoining room for dancing to the soft tunes of the piano man singing bluesy versions of classic songs. 

Tonight, I managed to convince Emma to go out to dinner with me before she goes back to our babies. I insist on driving her since I don’t want her to drive alone at night again, which she initially refused but finally agreed.

We finish our dinner and split a slice of cheesecake for dessert. Probably not my brightest idea since I keep having to readjust myself because seeing her slowly swallow a mouthful of white, creamy concoction is a pure kind of torture. But I try to kick those dirty thoughts out of my mind and focus. 

Since last night, we’ve successfully managed to avoid the talk. It feels like we’re in a bubble where everything is perfect and we’re just scared to burst it, but I know this can’t go on. Emma and I need to have a proper chat if we want this to work.

“Penny for your thoughts.”

“You and I need to talk, don’t you think?” I begin. 

“You’re right,” she nods. “So…”

“What is this?” I gesture between us. “Are you ready to give us another shot?”

“I think so,” she nods. “But I want us to take it slow.”

“You set the pace,” I assure her. “I want this to work more than I want anything else in my life. So I’ll do whatever you want me to.”

“We’ll see this as a new dalliance,” she adds.

I know this is supposed to be serious so I try hard not to break into laughter. “Okay. I will court you but I won’t ask you to move to an estate in the country. Not right away at least.”

“I’m serious.”

“You sound like Austen.”

She rolls her eyes. “And we can’t tell anyone either.”

“I agree,” I tell her. “And from now on, we talk to each other, alright? I’ll try to make you happy the best way I know how. But if it’s not enough for you, then you need to tell me.”

She nods, but then her graze drops before she asks. “You really do want this right?”

“I told you I want this to work more than anything else in my life.”

“It’s just… when you first told me you wanted to fight for our marriage, I was overwhelmed because it was all so sudden. You told me everything I wanted to hear. Even at that moment, everything in me screamed for us to just fall back into it all the way. But there was also a part of me that thought you were just lonely, and maybe you thought that us getting back together was the answer to it.”

“Not true-”

Emma holds up her hand. “Maybe not true, but it’s my fear. That’s why I kissed Luke that night, because I was desperate. I wanted to push things with him because I knew I’d never love him the way I love you. I knew that if things went to pot, I wouldn’t be half as devastated. But with you? I don’t think I can survive that type of heartbreak again, H. You don’t know how much it killed me to end our marriage. I can’t afford to fall back into something that’s not going to last.”

“Emma,” I reach across the table to take her hand. “I can’t even imagine how hard it was for you. I know for sure it was not a decision you made lightly, nor on a whim. I wish I had fought you on it then… had fought for you then. There was a time when I thought our marriage was over, and I was going to let you go. But I’m not going to do that now. If it takes you weeks, months, hell, Emma… if it takes you years to fully trust my devotion to you, I’m in this for however long it takes.”

Emma nods, biting into her lower lip. I can see her eyes starting to water because every bit of this is overwhelming. She turns her head towards the music floating in from the other room. It’s a Van Morrison cover, Crazy Love.

“Wanna dance?”

The request takes me by surprise since this isn’t like her. But I toss my napkin on the table and move to stand next to her, holding out my hand. The simple delight on her face when her hand slides into mine is everything.

We step out onto the edge of the dance floor. I wrap my arm around her lower back, holding her tight and flush against me. One of her hands rests on my shoulder, playing with the hair at the nape of my neck. The other is clasped in mine just over my heart. We sway, eyes pinned at each other for a few moments.

“Thought you hate dancing?” I smirk.

“Still hate it,” she answers. “I’m just using it as an excuse to be closer to you.”

She sighs, practically sinks into my arms. Emma’s head fits against my chest like she was made to be there. My chin rests against her hair.

“Emma?”

She lifts her head from my chest. “Yeah?”

“You don’t need an excuse.”

She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love… 

***

“What the-”

“Oi!” I yell, quickly pulling the duvet over my wife and I. “Heard of knocking?”

“Heard of a bedroom lock?” Lucy challenges.

Last night, we drove up the M1 straight from the restaurant. We took breaks in deserted services with shiny floors and bad lighting where we had coffees and wandered around WHSmith bulk buying sweets even though it’s really not that far. But you can never have too many travel sweets, can you?

And now, here we are, back at the cottage. The kids are still at their grandparents until this afternoon so Emma and I are enjoying the benefit of having the house all to ourselves by having a morning shag. That is until one of her sisters walks in on us. I’m very aware that I’m still inside Emma.

I pull out, roll over to lay down next to my wife, and we both stare at Lucy who is dressed from head to toe like Princess Jasmine from Aladdin.

“Party?” Emma asks her sister. We both try not to giggle as she sashays in to look at herself in the mirror then perches on the bed in her harem pants. Today, she’s gone heavy on the winged eyeliner and shows off a flat midriff. I quite like the pointy silver shoes though.

“No, Tesco,” she says dryly. “Obviously a party.”

“What are you doing here?” I ask her. 

Lucy glares at me. “What are you doing here? Besides rearranging my sister’s guts, of course.”

I don’t even flinch. I’ve been married to Emma for ten years, I’m used to this sister of hers.

“I’m trying to win your sister back,” I say earnestly. I know that Emma and I talked about keeping this a secret, but she literally walked on us shagging. There’s no point in denying it. It’s best that she knows my true intention rather than thinking we’re divorced with benefits.

“Eh, about time,” she replies nonchalantly.

“Luce, please keep this to yourself for now,” Emma begs her. “This is still new.”

“I will,” she nods. “Just a friendly reminder, though, Styles. If you hurt my sister again, I won’t even think twice before starting a business selling voodoo dolls of you. Bet I could make a fortune of that.”

In their girl gang, Lucy is the wildcard, the likeliest to carry a shank. I don’t even laugh because she could be serious. 

“Duly noted.”

“What are you doing here this early?” Emma asks her sister.

“I wanted to ask if I can borrow that giant tiger in George’s room?”

“Feel free to borrow the rug in the front room as well,” I cackle.

“Ooh yeah,” Emma chirps. “Are you going to find a whole new world?”

“Have you got your Aladdin?”

She pulls a face at our mocking. “My mate who’s supposed to be Aladdin is sick so I asked Jamie to fill in and he agreed because he owed me a big favour. But this lot changed their mind and wanted a genie so now I have to go to Jamie’s and convince him to let me do a full blue body paint on him.”

Emma and I roar with laughter. “Please, please, please, take some piccies.” 

***

A month later…

I can only imagine the joy on my children’s faces when they open the door. I’ll be standing there with the pup in hand, but I know I’m practically vibrating with excitement myself. I glance over at the little dog crate that we’d prepared to transport him in. It’s a sweet, nine-week-old Bernese mountain dog. He’s pretty chill, curled into a round ball, but he’s not sleeping. His eyes are open and alert, as if he’s just waiting to find out what’s around the next corner.

The back of my Range Rover is loaded with two boxes of food, dog toys, bowls, a leash, and appropriate treats. Since I’m still crashing at my mum’s, that will go to her place for when the kids and this puppy come to stay. Emma has an identical list at her home, already purchased and hiding until we hand the puppy off to the kids.

I’ve got a feeling that today is going to be a good day. All morning, Emma and I texted back and forth. Some of it was practical, like making sure we agreed on all the dog rules we’d lay down with the kids tonight. Some of it was lighthearted teasing. Some of it was dirty.

I can’t remember the last time I texted my wife throughout the day just for the hell of it. I had fun with it, and I know without a doubt she had fun with it too. Which made me realise what a twat I’d been for never doing something as simple as letting her know she was on my mind in just such a way. 

Pulling into the drive, I cut my headlights so the kids wouldn’t see me approach. I shut the engine off, quietly get out of my side, and press the door closed quietly. On the other side, I open the passenger door, then spring the latch on the dog crate, and this tiny little puppy totters straight at me with tail wagging.

I lift him in my arms. I shut the door and then move over to the patch of grass. I put the puppy down so he will go potty before I bring him in. When I was a kid, we had a dog called Max, but I sort of grew up with him so I didn’t remember when he was a puppy. And Emma never had a dog before, so we’re sort of winging it with this puppy training thing. But I don’t fret about it. I mean, we’ve had babies, they’re harder than this, surely? 

I patiently wait for this little fella to do his business, which includes a few minutes where he attacks my shoelaces and tugs. Shite, he’s cute. 

Eventually, he sniffs around, tail high and then abruptly squats to pee. I thought boy dogs lift their legs when they pee but maybe not at this age. I immediately bend and give him praise with an upbeat, positive tone that makes him excited. Who’s daddy’s clever little fella? You are! Yes, you are! You did well, mate. That was brilliant! He puts his paws up on my shin, accepting my stretches with tail wagging and tongue lolling out the side of his head. My kids are going to fall in love with this little guy. 

I scoop him up in my arms when he’s done and make my way inside. But instead of entering from the front door, I circle the house so I can enter from the back, knowing they must be all in the kitchen as this is usually the time when the kids would do their homework for next week. Walking past the window, I see that I’m right. Emma is at the kitchen island with George next to her and Minnie on the opposite side. My heart starts beating faster at the thought of spending the day with my family—and apparently our new third child in my arms—and I find it almost shameful I have such excitement over it. Shouldn’t I have always been this excited? Or is it normal for things to just settle, and we take them for granted?

I shake that thought off of my mind. I had this important talk with my wife a couple of weeks ago about how we shouldn’t focus on the past. We’re both committed to repairing our marriage, and for it to work, we both know we must commit to living in the present. Because at the end of the day, the present is all we have.

I knock on the door and as planned, Emma will tell the kids to answer it.

In moments, it’s swinging open. I get a flash of Emma walking up behind our kids, but my eyes are pinned on them. They’re both in complete shock, eyes wide open staring at the puppy squirming in my arms.

Both stare at me mutely, frozen, as if they can’t believe that this is real.

Finally, I say, “surprise!”

Minnie’s gaze rises up to meet mine. “Is that ours?”

“This is ours,” I nod, laughing. But still, neither of them move forwards, so I goad them. “Come and get him?”

That’s all it takes for Minnie to scoop this little fella into her arms, pressing her nose into his head and murmuring little endearments. George scratches him and he reacts to their greetings by wiggling frantically and trying to lick both of my kids’ faces. They both laugh in a delighted way I’ve never quite heard before.

I look at my wife and see her tender smile as she watches our littles. I can tell she’s as charmed by it as I am. 

I walk inside because it’s colder than a witch’s tit outside and shut the door. “He just peed outside, but we need to keep a close eye on him. If he starts sniffing around or circling, that probably means he needs a wee. Scoop him up and take him out to the back. After he’s done with his thing, give him lots of praise and affirmation.”

“Got it,” Minnie says as she plops down on the living room floor with the pup. The puppy jumps around, and all three of them start to play.

“Now, what should we name him?” Emma asks.

“Droolius Caesar?” I joke.

Emma laughs. “Jimmy Chew?”

“Sarah Jessica Barker?” I continue. “Wait, no, it’s a boy. Franz Fur-dinand?”

“Sir Barks-a-Lot?”

“Deputy Dawg?”

“Bark Twain?”

We both laugh. We’re shite at this. The kids are too busy with the puppy to comment on our suggestions.

SpongeBob SquarePants is on the telly playing in the background. None of them are watching, but I see SpongeBob scratching his snail pet under the chin before he picks up said pet and says, “I love you Gary. Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary…”

“Gary,” I say. The kids look at me and I point at the telly.

“That’s a ridiculous name for a dog,” Emma cackles. “But I like it.”

“That’s a human name?” Minnie’s brows knit slightly.

“I like it!” George exclaims, then proceeds to baby talk the pup who’s chewing on the end of Minnie’s braid. “I love you Gary. Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary…”

We laugh.

“H,” Emma calls, and my gaze moves to her. She jerks her chin to the kitchen. “Help me set up the table? I’ve got a cold beer for you.”

Minnie and George still completely ignore us as we move into the kitchen. 

It would be natural for me to sit at the kitchen island while Emma gets the beer and checks on the supper, but the kids can see me from where they sit in the living room. So I follow my wife behind the island instead.

Before she can make it two steps, I move right into the back of her. Hands at her hips, I push her all the way forward until the counter catches her hips, then I dip to put my lips to her neck. 

Emma’s head falls back and she utters the tiniest of sighs, one arm looping back to go around the side of my head so she can thread her fingers in my hair. It’s an intimate embrace, but not one to provoke lust. Just a message that I missed her even though I saw her two days ago, and I love touching her in this gentle, loving way.

“The kids,” she murmurs. “They might see us.”

“Oh, the tragedy,” I whisper dryly. “Our children seeing  their parents hugging.”

Emma snickers and pulls away, glancing over her shoulder. “It would be shocking to them. And until we know for sure what we are and where we’re going, we need to keep them in the dark, remember? I don’t want them to get their hopes up.”

“You’re right,” I mumble in a low voice before moving to the island. I glance back at the living room and see the puppy on George’s back, trying to climb up. “No touching around the kids.”

She smiles and hands me a beer. She’s got one in her hand, and we tap bottles. She then moves to the oven, where she bends to take a peek through the window. Obviously, I stare at her arse as she does.

“It’s done,” she announces, opening the oven to pull the pan of shepherd’s pie.

“Need help with that?’ I ask, noting it looks like it probably weighs fifty pounds.

Twisting, she grins. “Sure. I made a double batch to send you home with some leftovers.”

That gets me. Not only she made one of my favourite meals, but she’s also sending me home with leftovers. I pop off the stool, round the island and take the two potholders she’s holding out to me.

After I carefully lift the pan from the oven, she shuts the oven door. I set it down on the two trivets she’s placed on the counter.

Bending over, I inhale the scent deeply. “Smells fantastic.”

Emma bumps her hip against me. “Well… you’ve been pretty amazing these last few weeks, so…”

I bump her hip back before sliding my hand around her waist. Bending my head, I murmur. “Admit it… it’s for the orgasms I gave you after the school run the other day.”

She chuckles with a sly smile. “Possibly.”

Leaning in closer, I touch my temple on the top of her head, lowering to a complete whisper. “You do know that I can give you that any day you want, right, Em? All you’ve got to do is ask.”

“Oh, I will,” she teases.

“What’s going on here?” Minnie says from behind us.

Emma and I jump apart as if we’d been electrocuted by each other. We spin to see Minnie standing there, with George next to her holding Gary in his arms. These two must have worn that pup out as he is still, watching us curiously.

Minnie’s expression, on the other hand, is condemning and suspicious.

“Nothing’s going on, poppet,” Emma says, her voice a little squeaky in panic. It’s adorable.

“Your mum and I were just talking,” I calmly explain.

“With your arm around her waist and whispering,” Minnie challenges. “Looks more like flirting to me.”

“Are you upset about it?” I challenge back. I knew she was upset when we separated and she struggled with it for a long time. 

Her brows knit together. “I’m just confused.”

Emma’s expression indicates she has no clue what to say. I can’t say I’m any more well equipped, but I’m going to take this one. I give my wife a subtle chin tilt, silently telling her I’ll handle this and relief evident in her eyes.

“Come on, you lot. Help me sort Gary’s stuff,” I say, herding them towards the garage. 

All three of them follow me into the garage, Gary still cosy in George’s arms. 

I immediately spot the stack of supplies, which includes a dog crate similar to mine, as well as bowls, a soft dog bed, food and toys. I pick up the soft bed towards the door that leads back into the house. Minnie turns to precede me, but I stop her. “Hang on there a second, poppet.”

When she pivots to face me her expression is guarded. “You asked about your mum and me. What do you want to know?”

“Were you two flirting with each other just now?” She demands. Crap. She’s nine. She’s not supposed to know that stuff. 

I can’t believe I get a little warm in the face at such a question, but I nod. I know it’s probably too soon to tell them but there’s no point in denying this. Both of my children are smart, and they deserve to know what’s going on. 

Her eyes narrow. “So are you… what… getting back together?”

“Does it mean you’re gonna live with us again, daddy?” George chirps.

“Not yet, nuggets. It’s not that simple.”

“It kind of is,” she replies. “You left for months. You didn’t even come during the summer. Then once she started dating Luke-”

“What’s dating?” George turns to his sister.

“It’s when you like someone and they like you back and you become boyfriend and girlfriend then you go out to eat together and do other stuff,” Minnie explains, then she continues. “Then once she started dating Luke, you’re suddenly coming around more often. And then she told me that Luke wouldn’t come over anymore and now you two are making googly eyes at each other.”

We lapse into silence for a moment. I need to think carefully about what to say next. George beats me. “I think I’m dating someone.”

“You what?” My eyes widen.

“Yeah. I asked Poppy in the playground to be my girlfriend the other day and she said yes. Then after we were done playing on the slides we got hungry so she shared her raisins with me. I also let her take a sip of my Ribena.”

I try hard not to break into laughter but Minnie doesn’t even crack a smile. 

“Okay… so here’s the thing. I was very upset. I know that was wrong of me to just leave without saying goodbye, and it was wrong of me for not visiting sooner. I needed time to let it go, and to accept what your mum wanted. But not once during that time did I not want to come back home. I’ve always wanted my family back.”

“Then what changed?” Minnie asks.

“Your mum and I spent some time apart because we both thought that was the best decision. But we were wrong. Because we realised that we didn’t want to be without each other. So now I’m trying to prove that I’ve changed. That I’m a better man, and I’m ready to be a better husband. The one your mum deserves.”

“See,” Minnie murmurs, her expression filled with confusion. George dips his head and rubs his cheek against Gary’s head, who seems to be on the verge of falling asleep. “I don’t get it. You and mum always seemed to get along great. You never argued. I never understood why you left.”

I move in close to my daughter and brush a lock of hair behind her ear. “A lot of that stuff is private between your mum and I, poppet.”

George asks. “But why can’t you just move in now, daddy?”

“It takes time, mate. Your mum and I need more time to sort ourselves out. But I promise you two that we’re trying our hardest here, okay? We need you both to be patient. Can you do that for us?”

They both nod in unison. Gary blinks twice.

“I can’t wait for us to be family again,” says Minnie.

Grinning, I bend to kiss her head. “Me too, poppet…”

***

Emma

“Gary! This way, Gary!”

Harry and I look at each other across this rather windy hilltop. The kids and Gary are exploring the neighbouring bushes and pathways as we perch ourselves on a rock nearby. We take in the view, the breeze biting at my cheeks.

My husband turns to me. “Tea? I put some whisky in it.”

“Hell, why not.”

Harry pours the tea out and we clink mugs. He brushes his thumb across my nose for no absolute reason. I was born and raised here, but this is something I’ll never tire of: these swooping hills and valleys, infinite skies and bracing breezes. As much as I loved London, I’m glad we’ve traded that life with this simpler one. There is no taxi nor Tube in sight but our kids are somehow a little bouncier and carefree. They’re happy here, and that’s all that matters. 

 “Ey up,” greets Harry at a group of people walking past us. They are obviously tourists as they have no way to respond and one of them is wearing bog standard Reebok Classics.

We hear the kids squeal in the distance and we both smile at each other. Getting that pup was probably one of our best decisions.  

“Do you remember when we first dated?” Asks my husband. “You brought me up here.”

I nod. “I do.”

“The view was decent,” he grins. 

“I know you’re not thinking about the view.”

“I was thinking about what happened when we got to the top of the meadow…”

“That was some decent shag,” I chuckle. “Nowadays, I’d worry about getting ticks on my unmentionables.”

We laugh.

I stare over at my husband taking in the view and sipping tea noisily. He always pauses for a moment on any walk to drink it all in. He rustles in his bag and gets a packet of biscuit out, opening the packaging awkwardly and offering it to me. 

“Did you know that you’re supposed to call it ‘niece’ and not ‘nice’? Apparently, they’re named after the French town.”

“That’s proper pub quiz trivia knowledge right there, Styles,” I tease.

We stay up here for a little while, but since it’ll get dark soon, we start our walk back to the car. The one thing you forget about taking kids up mountains (small hills) is that for all that experience of green space and fresh air, eventually, you will have to bring them down. Despite having an entire packet of biscuit (with a whole lot of why did you bring this one? This is rubbish. You could’ve brought hobnobs), we failed to remember to pack enough snacks and a fine drizzle is now scratching at our faces. It takes George much persuading to keep walking and by the time we return to the car, the sun is dipping behind the clouds and the twilight sits in the air. 

Harry decided it was fine to park in a deserted car park in the middle of nowhere to escape the throngs of regular walkers and tourists but strangely enough, when we get back there, we are one of six parked up.

“Come on, mate. Literally, just to the car. Like twenty more steps,” Harry begs our son to keep on walking. 

“You lied!” He complains. “You said that twenty steps ago.”

“I’ve got Haribo in the car.”

He progresses to a light canter. 

“Where did all these cars come from?” Harry asks as he approaches our motor cautiously.

“Maybe you’re not the only smart one here and people are following your lead.”

A car flashes us. 

I look around at all the cars. People are sat in them. What are they waiting for? You see this sometimes when waiting for the rain to pass or when people decide to eat their lunch in the car. 

Suddenly, I hear a car door open and a gentleman approaches us. His footsteps are low.

I know him. It’s Patrick. He’s our postman, so, yes, we have our very own Postman Pat. It was the first thing that tickled Harry when he found out years ago. And even better, the joke is not lost on Pat. His wife even got him a stuffed black and white cat for his cherry-red van window. I smile at recognising him, as do all of the occupants in our car.

“Emma, Harry, kids. Fancy seeing you here, of all places.”

“We’ve got a new dog and we were just taking him for a walk,” I inform him.

“Oh, lovely. What’s his name?”

“Gary,” the kids say in unison.

“Have you got a dog, Pat?” George asks him.

“No, my wife’s a cat lady. But funny you should mention dogs. This place here, people like to come here for that reason.”

“Gary seemed to like it,” pipes in Harry. “I think it’ll be his favourite.”

“That it is. People come here all the time for walking and with their dogs and other such endeavours.” His face looks slightly ashen at this point, his eyes darting towards the other cars. “And the other sense of the word… I just thought I would mention it as you have the littl’uns and it’s getting darker. I think someone just flashed his lights to warn you.”

Harry and I realise what he means exactly at the same time. “OH!” we say at the same gobsmacked volume. 

“Dogg…ing…” Harry mumbles. “We should-”

“Leave, like definitely leave, like now,” I say finishing his sentence.

The kids appear confused. I look around and shield my eyes. I should shield the children’s eyes. Pat’s wife waves from the passenger seat.

“Give our regards to June,” I say.

“Will do.”

He salutes us and returns to his car. The kids have all the questions. “People come here to look at dogs?” George asks. “Where are the dogs?”

“Get. In. The. Car.” Harry mouths very deliberately.

I slink into the passenger seat. Our eyes dart in different directions trying to divert focus from any of the cars ahead. We’ll be good if Harry doesn’t drive us off a cliff face. He turns on the wipers, the engine roars to a start and he pulls away slowly.

“We could have stayed and seen the dogs,” says George, a little despondently. “Gary would’ve loved to see his mates. Wouldn’t you, Gary?”

I throw a packet of Haribo at him. Harry and I are silent. We’ve just strolled our children and our very young dog into an outdoor sex hotspot. We are terrible parents. 

“Who fancies chips?” Harry says as he changes gear. He finds our littles in the rear-view mirror and studies their faces. “There’s a decent chippy down road.”

There’s a chorus of approval from the back seat. My husband smiles. He then moves his hand over from the gearstick to find mine, fingers interlocked, the sky glowing a thousand different colours.

***

“Are you calling my turkey dry?”

I look over at my older sister Suze in the corner of our family kitchen wondering where on earth she had the courage to come out with a comment like that. Even her husband stops washing up to absorb what his wife just said to our mother. I mean, you think it, but you just douse it in gravy and make do. Such is the joy of white chalky meat like turkey. Why do this now? Now she’ll harp on about the bacon she puts on the breasts and all the goose fat. But it’s Suze. She likes the challenge. I secretly think the only way she believes she can have a relationship with our mother is to spar with her regularly so they at least have one line of communication.

“It was a lovely dinner, Mum. Did you make the mince pies?” Suze winks at me.

I shake my head at her and bring the plate of mince pies through to the living room. Amidst my mother’s wreaths and tinsel wrapped around the lampshades, it’s a familiar tableau: Pop, my grandfather, asleep in the armchair in the corner, a holy green paper hat covering his eyes. Small children crawl on the floor and make angel shapes with their bodies amidst remnants of old glittery wrapping paper.  I hope Mum’s made a trifle. My other sister Meg and her husband snooze on a neighbouring sofa, catching on much needed sleep since they just had a baby four months ago and I still remember four months sleep regression is hell. I like this part of Christmas where bits of old crackers litter the floor and twilight takes over.

I take a mince pie and escape to the last vacant spot on the sofa. George rests his head on my knees. “What are you eating, mummy?” I look down at his bright green eyes and wonder how he can still be hungry as he must be ninety per cent roast potato at this point.

“A mince pie.”

“With cow mince?”

“No, like fruity bits,” I pick out said fruity bits and drop them into his mouth like a baby bird. He pulls a face, tasting it, and then walks away.

Harry smiles at me from the bottom of the Christmas tree. He’s laying down on the floor with one of my nieces. He’s always been great with kids, long even before we have our own. My niece has her palm out, and Harry runs circles in it as he sings, “round and round the garden, like a teddy bear…”

She smiles and laughs, poising her fingers, ready to bounce. 

“One step, two-step, tickle me under there,” he pretends to collapse into giggles and my niece’s little face broadens into laughter before she rolls over and walks away to play with her cousins.

Finishing my last bite of the tiny pie, I roll under the tree to join my husband. He looks at me as I cosy up next to him, the lights reflect off his eyes.

My mother likes a real tree for Christmas. It’s the smell, you can’t beat the smell. I like to think you can get that real pine smell from a good supermarket brand toilet cleaner but I don’t say that out loud for fear of incurring her festive wrath. And so there’s always a real tree and like we endured when my siblings and I were teens, there’s still a daily rota of vacuuming up the needles as we watch that bastard go crusty and brown as it’s shoved up against the radiator. 

We lay there in silence, looking up at the branches and my mother’s multicoloured lights twinkling in some erratic fashion that my eyes can’t quite handle. I’ve been to raves that were less of an assault on the senses. It’s an overwhelming memory of our childhood, lying in silence wigging out on mum’s trippy disco lights, absorbing the magic of the season. 

“You’re drunk aren’t you, tipsy-tits?”

“You were the one who poured double shots of Baileys in our coffees this morning,” I cackle.

“That’s called Christmas milk.” 

“What are you doing here?” Minnie asks, her head nestling into my shoulder. I rake pine needles from her head.

“Nothing…” Harry replies. “Where’s yer brother?”

“Here,” George suddenly appears, rolling under the tree next to his dad to join us.

“Looks like the awesome foursome is back, huh?” Harry grins.

Minnie and George hum in agreement. I can see my babies smiling. 

It’s time.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?” 

I take a deep breath. “Will you come back home with us?”

-

tag list: @gohometoacactus @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @kikisparadise18 @2am-2pm @rogersdirty-louse @harrys-cherriesss @icycoldbeanieweanies @niallbestie3 @peakascum @coucoukayy @awesomebooklover17 @sunflowerryvol6 @stylessugarhigh​ @umadirectioner​ ​

[randomgamefan]

Playtester AU is finally back after I had to spend forever focusing on essays for school!! Yay!!

First | Previous | Next (coming soon!)

This chapter took so long, but chapter 6 will probably take longer and I'm not prepared wjdheksj. Big thanks to the Inscryption discord server for beta reading a chunk of this fic to help me find the problems lmao, hope it's improved guys!

Also! Luke's Siblings are mentioned in this chapter, for reference his family is based vaugly off my own! But I figure it's good to have them down so you know who I'm talking about :]

In order from oldest to youngest!

Luke - 21

Carter - 19

Jacob - 17

Alyssa - 15

Jack + Abagail (twins) - 12

I do want to give credit to @shiocreator for letting me use the name Carter! It was her idea, and I just loved it so much I had to include it. Also, if you haven't read their Carder Siblings AU, what are you even doing?

While we're here, I'm also going to tell you to read @lemonzone 's Cabinet Man AU, I literally love it so much! Stolen my entire brain smh.

I am so happy I've got to meet both of these people and read their writing, as well as everyone else on the server! Y'all are so amazing and kind and this story wouldn't be what it is without you.

Anyways, that's all I've gotta say, hope you enjoy this chapter!

"Luuuke!"

It was Christmas morning.

That was the first thing that came back to Luke, maybe out of habit, since that’s all he focused on when he was younger. Truthfully, he was still just a kid on the inside. Or, perhaps, it was because he was hoping for something great this year.

Or, maybe, he was just trying to remember why the crowd of his younger siblings were here to wake him up at only 7:00 in the morning.

"Wake up!" Carter repeatedly chanted, holding a rolled piece of paper to his mouth like a megaphone.

Jack and Abagail had no hesitation jumping on Luke’s bed, making him sit up rapidly with a laugh. 

Jacob and Alyssa stood aside Carter, chuckling to themselves as the twins stole a hug from Luke. 

"I'm up, I'm up!" Luke managed with a giggle, ruffling his younger sister's hair. "Jeeze, real early this year, huh? Have you guys woken up mom and dad yet?"

Jacob shook his head. "We were waiting for you, sleepyhead!" He teased. 

Luke sighed dramatically, falling back onto his bed. "oh no! Guess we can't get up, I'm going back to sleep!" He closed his eyes, much to the dismay of the twins. 

"Come on, Luke!" Jack huffed. "It's Christmas!!"

Luke peeked one eye open, before laughing. 

"Alright, but next year I get to sleep in! I'm an old man, I need my beauty rest." He said, swinging his legs out of bed before picking Jack up and putting him on his shoulders. 

"You're only 20," Alyssa commented with a chuckle, looking up from her phone with a grin. 

"I know, and I'm already an old man, guess what you'll be going through in 6 years!" Luke replied, ruffling his younger sister’s hair.

Carter rolled his eyes, as he began to lead the group into the hallway.

Luke's mind drifted to Christmas itself as they walked to wake up their parents - he probably had a lot of card packs underneath the tree. His channel had just exploded last month, and well, for card pack opening channels, there was a constant need to have more card packs. 

Still, there was one thing he was really hoping was waiting down there for him - the new Tengu party game. Being an online game, it was the perfect way for Luke to keep playing games with his siblings while he was away at college. 

Welp, guess he'd just have to find out for himself, watching Abagail tear through their parent’s door. 

"Wake up, it's Christmas!"

It was summer again.

Luke's family always went on a summer vacation, usually something small in idea, but their mom had a tendency to splurge for her kids. 

This year, they were out at a lake in a rental house. It was large enough for the family of 8, they had enough space and then more. 

Past midnight, most of the family was asleep, but Luke and Carter had snuck out to go sit by the lake.

"It really is beautiful," Carter commented, gazing out across the ripping water. The lake wasn't huge, but far large enough for the kids to enjoy. 

Luke nodded. "It is.. I'm glad I got to come. When I was younger, I figured mom would stop inviting me to these things when I turned 18."

Carter chuckled. "Like mom would ever do that! We love you, and she already misses you enough since you left for college."

"Same can be said for you!" Luke grinned. "I've heard Alyssa talking about it, she said mom missed you more than me."

"Now that's just a lie." Carter giggled, shoving at his older brother, not enough for him to end up in the lake though. Luke couldn't help but laugh, staring back out at the rippling water in silence.

There was a good 5 or so minutes of quiet before Carter spoke up again. 

"Hey Luke?"

"Hm?" Luke ruffled his brother’s hair.

"How do you do it? Living alone in a new town, especially so close to the woods like that. Aren't you scared?"

"Not really." Luke shrugged. "I've got a big gate outside the house, and the only thing in those woods is crickets and deer. Most people wouldn't bother coming up the driveway, past the gate, and to my door to bother me. Plus, I've been thinking about getting a dog."

Carter chuckled. "Oh my god, we would visit so much more often if you had a dog. Please get one."

"This time I get to name it! Thank god" Luke grinned. They had a family dog named Crackers, named by the twins when they were little. 

"Well, obviously you would get to name it, it would be your dog." Carter rolled his eyes. "But Crackers is a good name if you’re not dramatic."

The brothers took a moment to laugh, before Carter paused, frowning in thought.

"Actually, I brought that up because.. I've been thinking of switching degrees. Maybe even schools."

Luke blinked. "Wait, really?" Carter had been interested in biology his entire life, ranting and raging about all the discoveries he could make in the field. He'd never gotten a chance to explore it much before college, but from his determination, Luke would never have guessed that Carter wouldn’t love it.

"Yeah, actually. Bio just doesn't stick out like it used to, and there's so much I've found that I'm just.. squeamish about."

"Well, what degree are you thinking of?"

Carter paused, before shyly suggesting, ".. game development?"

Luke's eyes lit up, realizing quickly what his brother was implying. "Wait, are you saying you'd be coming to my school?" He felt himself grinning. 

"I-If you're okay with it!" Carter said quickly.

Luke hugged his brother. "Of course I'm okay with it, You can even come live with me! A lot cheaper than the dorms." 

Carter grinned. "Yeah, I'd like that!"

Luke sighed, looking out on the waves. 

"Guess we've got a lot to plan for."

Carter nodded. 

"Yeah, we do."

Luke woke with a start, sitting up quickly, only to find himself buried under some rather scratchy blankets. A soft surprised noise came from his right, and glancing over, he noticed Lone watching over him.

Oh right, Luke was in the final game he ever played, the cursed thing. Oh yeah, he was dead too! He put a hand to his head, squeezing his eyes shut.

He'd never see his family again, he'd never get to finish college, he'd just drop off the face of the earth. God.. how could this have happened? He should have never dug up this cursed game, much less played it. It should have stayed in the dirt. 

The feeling of someone touching his hair startled Luke out of his thoughts. Lone flinched back, with a startled "sorry!"

The wizard was quite small, eyeing Luke fearfully yet curiously. Poor thing probably just wanted some stimulation, he must not have been out of his horrible situation for long. 

Luke sighed, reaching over to pat the wizard on his head, which he seemed to enjoy immensely. After maybe a minute, Luke chuckled, pulling his hand back.

"Why did ya stick around here, bud?" Luke asked, pushing the uncomfortable blankets off him, only to notice he was laying on more. Did Magnificus have anything good for other people in this god-forsaken tower? 

"P03 and the other scrybes asked me to watch over you!" He chirped, bouncing in place. 

Luke nodded. "I see.. I assume they're probably fighting over something else now."

Lone gave an overdramatic shrug, with a half yelled “I’unno!” He fidgeted with his hands a lot, which made Luke wonder if Lone would prefer something to hold and mess with. Did they have Rubick cubes here? That seemed like something the small wizard would enjoy, not even to solve, but to mess with. He’d have to find out, give Lone something to do.

"I'm.. going to go find them. I need an explanation." Luke muttered softly, as if assuring himself.

"I'LL COME WITH!" Lone practically yelled, jumping up and down. It was an excitability that honesty reminded Luke of the twins. He smiled softly and genuinely, before offering Lone his hand. 

"Alright, bud, we'll go and find them together!"

Lone continued to bounce excitedly, taking Luke's hand as the two began looking around for the scrybes, though Luke could guess where they were by the sounds of argument coming from above.

Up the stairs, to the top of the tower.

They were fighting.

Luke didn't know what else he was expecting. 

Magnificus and P03 were shouting at each other from opposite sides of the circular room, looking about ready to brawl. Leshy and Grimora stood near the back, avoiding Magnificus' canvases, and apparently the two other scrybes. No one had noticed Luke in the doorway yet.

“I do not think jumping to conclusions is the best source of action here,” Mangnificus muttered, his voice steady yet with an accusatory tone. 

“Jumping to conclusions?!” P03 countered. “I think it’s pretty damn obvious. Unless you have found a way for us to move forward without a challenger.”

“Hmm, perhaps not, but I still believe it is not unimaginable that there is something we can do. Something that doesn’t have irreparable side effects, such as your last idea.” The scrybe of magicks seemed to glare across the room.

"And what plan do you have?" P03 asked Magnificus accusatorially with almost a growl, as much as a robot could conceivably growl. “I have already attempted to connect with the servers of wherever we are, and it’s all locked down. If you all hadn’t stopped the Great Transcendence, we could all be out of this mess already!” 

“Your ‘Great Transcendence’ was nothing more than a power show.” The bush wizard bit back. “Its failure was inevitable, you effete contraption.”

“Wow, insults again? That really helps your case, you blundering wizard. If y-”

Luke's babysitter instincts kicked in before he really had a chance to think about it, stepping in the room to get in between the two. 

"Alright, enough." He said firmly. 

This was treated with a great deal of surprise from everyone around the room, the scrybes taking a step back. Had Luke really just done that? Well, no way back now. 

"You fighting clearly didn't get you guys anywhere before, and it won't now. If you want anything productive to happen, you all need to work together. No more power grabs, or arguments, or sly planning behind the scenes." He took a deep breath, noticing Grimora nodding with a sly smile. "But, after all that, I need a fucking explanation. *Especially* from you." He pointed to Grimora, whose smile dropped.

Luke was shaking. This was a lot to process, and he was shaking. Did he just treat the scrybes like his little siblings? 

P03 and Magnificus glared at each other, neither wanting to relent. However, Grimora stepped in before either could open their mouths to bitch back at their surprise babysitter. 

"I agree with Luke.” She said, her voice calming and steady. “Now, will the both of you please come over here? Enough with this pointless argument."

That got a grumbled "fine" from the scrybes, muttering under their breath what Luke could only imagine were curses much older than he was. The scrybes mostly kept their distance from one another, but now stood in a manageable circle. 

Luke sighed.. thank god that worked. He went to stand alongside the edge of the circle, by the door. Admittedly, he didn’t quite like being in the spotlight, at least in real life. 

As he went to stand near the doorway he had entered through, Luke noticed a mischievous Lone had started climbing onto everything around him and had begun poking at the candles lighting up the tower. Luke would have to make sure he grabbed the small wizard on his way out, not trusting Magnificus to make sure Lone didn’t burn himself to a crisp. 

Luke took a deep breath, returning his attention to the scrybes, who were seemingly looking to him to start this ‘peaceful’ meeting. He took a deep breath, readying himself before speaking up.

"Alright. Let's talk."

[tyb1]

If It’s The Right Thing To Do (4)

Words:2886

Character: Seth Clearwater

Note: let’s imagine your Sam’s little sister 

Dialogue prompt:“So let me get this straight when I need you you’re nowhere to be found but when I do something dumb you magically appear.”

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tag list:  @alecvolturiswifeforever​ @scoverdale1​ @anndaydreamer​ @fae-lore​ @queen-of-embracing-uncertainty @nickangel13​ @bi-bi-spencer​@a-vild-bluemyrtle​ @little-miss-naill @crystalxavlove @ilovesethclearwater

Seth Clearwater Masterlist

A/N: message me or comment if you’d like to be on the tag list. sorry it took so long I love you guys:)

“I’m sorry Seth but you and I both know that what you’re saying is bullshit.” I snatched my hand away from his chest, the feeling of his racing heart was no longer there. I knew he wasn’t lying about what he said but for his and my sanity, we both needed this to end here. This entire relationship was causing too many problems...well before he decided to join the Cullens. 

“What (Y/N)....what are you talking about?.” He stood there with tears in his eyes, I’m surprised he didn’t let them fall like I was letting mine fall. That was one thing I hated about him. He held in all of his emotions and then when it came to the breaking point he would explode. Trust me when I say it’s not a good sight to see.

I had to put off a bold face for him. I couldn’t let him know that I was actually dying inside. I was letting a few tears slide down my face but that didn’t compare to the aching feeling that I was feeling inside of me. It was the same feeling I felt when he first left me.

“Fine since you want me to say it so badly”- I roughly pointed my finger in his face.- “ Leave me alone. We’re breaking up so don’t call me, or text me until you get your priorities straight. I’ll be home when you get your shit together.” 

Seth couldn’t look me in the eyes, he started to kick the dirt with his feet. The sand below him started to change different colors from the tears that were falling upon it. He started to mumble a few words but the only thing I could hear was. “You don’t have your priorities straight either (Y/N).”

“It’s because I’m dealing with your shit! I’m around here following you like a lost puppy when you only play mind games with me! I’m so done with you and your bipolar ass!” I spat bitterly, I turned my back to him then marched towards Sam. I turned around to look at him once more, I instantly regretted it. He stood there with his hands in pockets with his head still hanging low. His head shot up instantly making eye contact with me, I quickly snatched my gaze away from him. This was going to be a new start for both of us so I didn’t need to be drawn back in with his puppy dog eyes.

Seth POV 2 weeks later

 I was too much of a coward to say goodbye. I was truly heartbroken. I wish I could run to her and tell her that I love her and tell her that I cherish everything about her but I know she wouldn’t believe me. I was all out of options. The only thing that felt right to do was to cry and that’s what I did. I cried so hard that day that Jake had to carry me home on his back. It’s been two weeks since I have last spoken to (Y/N), two of the longest fucking weeks of my life. I thought losing my dad was painful but this...this has won the race. I couldn’t bear the heartbreak so I started to stay out longer. I asked to take over Leah and Jake’s patrol hours. I don’t even remember the last time I ate. I can only remember our last encounter, it’s like a nonstop movie in my head it was causing me to go insane.

I hate it here.

I have been spending most of my days down at the border. I was monitoring the days where Colin and Brady patrolled, they were my best option to trick into letting me cross the border. It was my only way to apologize to (Y/N). So here I was trying to wave down Collin and Brady so I could continue with my ridiculous plan.

“Hey! Colin, Brady pshhh, come here!” I yelled out in the distance to the two wolves. I was standing at the border waiting for them to shift as well. I wasn’t in my wolf form. The last thing I wanted to do was be a threat to them. 

Brady was the first to walk from behind the tree while Colin stood behind the tree too nervous to face me. I could read their body language from a mile away, they were very uncomfortable with being around me. 

Brady snarled at me, I observed as all of the muscles in his body grew tense as he spoke. “I heard you got into it with Paul. He should have ripped your fucking head off.”

“Wow I wasn’t expecting that from you Brady, but thanks I guess.” I wasn’t trying to be an ass but it just rolled off my tongue. Straight away I regretted it, it only pissed him off even more. 

Brady pulled Colin by the collar of his shirt pushing him towards me. The kid could barely keep his posture straight or his eyes focused on me. He had no confidence in his steps and started to trip over the branches on the ground.

Brady pointed between the both of us with his thumb. He had an irritated facial expression plastered on his face. “Tell him what you told me when he left.” he spat bitterly, a small smirk was rising on his face but soon faded as Colin spoke.

“Do I have to?” Colin mumbled, he waved shyly at me. I took this opportunity to wave back to him. I gave him a small smile as well. Colin, Brady, and I were always close but Brady was always the fiery type while Colin was timid.

“Yes, you have to say it!” Brady exclaimed.

Colin rolled his eyes, “Fine, I said that you were an ass for leaving us behind. It wouldn’t be the first time that you left us.” Brady glared at him to continue, “I also said that you have a reputation for turning your back on us.”

I noticed Brady smiling at Colin; he must have felt accomplished. I must admit, I did feel bad, I left them behind but it was some things that they have not come to reality with.  “Listen I need a huge favor. I need you to let me cross the border so I can see (Y/N).”

Brady rolled his eyes, “Wow so you just completely ignored what we have to say? Why would we let you cross the border and jeopardize us? Yeah, that was a stupid request.”

“You’ll do it because I am your superior. In Jakes’s pack I’m the beta...but don’t ask Leah or else she’ll lie. She thinks she’s the beta because she’s older but in reality, Jake named me the beta.” 

Colin had a questionably look on his face, by now he has grown more comfortable with me and now is standing face to face just like Brady. “Why would you want to see someone who doesn’t want to see you?” 

I was taken aback, “Why do you mean? She wants to see me, there is no way that she would not want to see me.”

“Umm I highly doubt it, she’s been living well since the accident. We went skating last week with us and the others. Not once has she mentioned your name.” Brady slapped Colin across the back of his head. I watched as the two bickered back and forth. Brady pushed Colin away from him. He snapped his fingers to gain my attention from my feet. I hadn’t realized that I was getting sidetracked but I was trying to figure out why (Y/N)  wasn’t heartbroken.

“She made it clear that she didn’t want to be around you anymore Seth. Dude if I were you I’d really leave her the fuck alone. She really wants nothing to do with you. If you try to see her she’ll probably freak out on you. You’re pretty much dead to her.” Brady then smirked, “There’s also another guy that has been keeping her busy lately.”

Ouch. Well, that hurt...it actually hurt a lot. I cleared my throat so I could stop the tears from arising. We’re not about to cry in front of them!

Colin now slapped Brady beside the head. “You could have said it nicer, idiot.”

“What! Her words, not mine!” 

“Just forget about it.” I spat bitterly, If you wanted to forget about me and everything we had then so be it. I could forget you just as fast as you did me. I could care less about those stupid ass memories we made together. Just like you said I really didn’t love you it was just the stupid feeling of you being my damn imprint. 

I continued to walk and degrade our relationship. Jake tried to stop and talk to me but I just shoved him out of the way. He started to piss me off as well. He had his nose shoved so far up the Cullens ass he couldn’t tell you what roses smell like. Then here comes my second problem, Leah.  I didn’t dare shove her. I didn’t want to pick a fight with her right now. I could explode on her and say some things I didn’t mean. 

“Where the hell have you been!? Were you down at the border again?”

“Does it really matter?” I rolled my eyes at the screaming woman. If she wanted to be my mom then she should have birthed me out. She tugged me backward pulling her face up to hers. I stared into her lonely eyes as she did the same with me.

“You’re my little brother so you are my business. Stop doing dumb shit, Seth.”

 I ripped my face from her hands. “So let me get this straight when I need you you’re nowhere to be found but when I do something dumb you magically appear.” I already knew where the conversation was heading. I was not in the mood to hear her shit right now because I was a walking bomb ready to explode.

“Did you go see (Y/N)?”

“No! I didn’t see her. Why do you make everything about her? I could care less about her.” I couldn’t control myself. I threw my fist into a nearby tree. It cracked and fell to the ground. I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt the tears roll down my cheeks.  As much as I wanted the tears to stop falling I couldn’t. I have never felt so empty in my entire life. That same feeling of heartbreak resurfaced throughout my body. My chest began to tighten, a sharp pain shot throughout my body as I tried to walk forward.

”Make it stop hurting Leah.” I began to sob uncontrollably. “It hurts so bad, why did she have to go? Why is everyone leaving me? What did I do to deserve this….I just try so hard to make everyone happy but when will it be my turn to be happy?  Mom is fucking dating Charlie now. We barely see her anymore only on fucking holidays!  Why did dad have to fucking go!? And you only check on me when it’s convenient for you Leah! Why is everyone leaving me, Leah!?”

“Seth I-”

I cut her off, “Don’t say it.” I knew I was going to apologize about the accident that happened with dad. I never blamed her for the accident. She didn’t mean any harm by it. I could never bring myself to blame her.

 I started to wipe my tears with the sleeves of my flannel shirt. It brought back the memories of the time that (Y/N) would take my flannel and wear it with her converse and shorts. I started to cry all over again at the thought. I started to choke on my words, everything that was coming out of my mouth was undetectable. “(Y/N) was always there for me and now I chose the bloodsuckers over her. She doesn’t understand that it was the right thing to do. They were going to kill a baby. Leah, I don’t have anyone else. I’m so fucking lonely!” 

“I know how it feels Seth. It hurts like hell but you’ll get over it. I’m sorry that you felt like I wasn’t there for you. I must admit that I was being completely selfish. I love you Seth and don’t you forget that.” I started to relax under her embrace. I haven’t seen this side of her since she and Sam were together. It was good to have her back though. “I love you too.”

I followed her gaze, she was staring up at the stars. “I want you to cry it all out, Seth. All of that heartbreak and sadness you have deep within you I want you to let it the fuck out. If you hold it in it’ll turn into anger then that anger will turn into bitterness. I’ll come back and check on you in the morning.”

I don’t want to be alone…

Leah’s footsteps started to become faint, I was left alone in my thoughts once again. I honestly didn’t want her to go. All I wanted for her to do was to hold me and tell me everything was going to be alright. I was stuck on ground zero like I was when my dad died, no one was there for me except (Y/N). She would probably hold me in her hands while whispering the things I wanted to hear. I wish you were here right now, maybe I wouldn’t be so angry at the world. 

“Fuck it!” I started to yell out in the night air. I threw punches in the nearby tree to try and let my anger out. I hit each syllable of the words in the tree. “Fuck you, Sam! And Fuck you too Paul!! I’m not scared of you!” “I don’t care what anyone does and says to me. I’m going to see her and no one is going to stop me.” I didn’t stop until the tree flew back by the force of my hits.

I shifted into my wolf and ran towards her scent. Brady and Colin were still on patrol however they were both on the other side of the forest. It would take them a while to catch up to me at the speed I was running at. A sinister laugh escaped from my lips. This power or maybe it was the adrenaline….no, this was most definitely power. It made me feel invincible, By no means this was me finally sticking up for myself, or how (Y/N) would say, this was me finally growing some balls.

Her scent was in the direction of the beach, oh how could I miss that scent. I followed the dominating scent but there was something a bit off with her scent. It was a mixture of something foreign. I gazed out to the beach scanning every person that was out there. It seemed like there was a party, there were so many teenagers out around the bonfire. I growled out as I watched you sit on a log with another guy’s hoodie on. His cheap polo cologne filled my nostrils. You were sitting there laughing at something that he said which probably wasn’t that funny. 

“Tch, I want to know what’s so funny.” Anger arose in my body causing my teeth and claws to sharpen. My breathing became irregular and there was a tight feeling in my chest. I tried to ignore it but the harder I breathe the more painful it becomes. I took a step forward and instantly collapsed on the ground. My wolf form quickly disappeared and there I was laying on the ground in the fetal position. I tried to crawl but my body felt numb. The only feeling I had was the tears falling from my eyes down my cheeks and onto the ground. I even tried to scream out your name but nothing came out but a gasping sound.

Was I dying?

I started to cry even harder, the thought of dying always freaked me out but the thought of leaving you with guilt made me feel even worse. The sobs were coming out more frequently than I anticipated. I didn’t have time to catch my breath or even think straight. Everything felt like it was closing on me. The air around me started to thin out making me feel dizzy. The pain in my chest starts to become more unbearable. 

“(Y/N) wait...I..I...can’t breathe!” I choked out the words barely having the strength to do it. My head started to pound from the lack of oxygen I was getting. My hearing was becoming undetectable. I felt my body go stiff and my eyes fluttered shut as well, everything became dark and warm. 

It took every bone and ounce of energy to draw a tiny heart near me. If (Y/N) found me like this then she would see the heart. She’ll know that I died loving her...right? Was I even dying or am I just being dramatic? I don’t know, I just want to embrace the warmness that surrounding me right now. 

[cafedanslanuit]

chapter guide | prev. chapter | next chapter | extra content

✖   —   chapter summary: after receiving a text from zeke, you go out to meet him, leaving porco behind. your head is full of questions and you're not quite sure how you're going to confront him about last night's events.

✖   —   pairing: porco/reader & zeke/reader

✖   —   chapter tags/warnings: college au, protected sex, zeke calls you a good girl, mentions and/or descriptions of parental emotional abuse/traumatic childhood, hurt/comfort, fluff, referenced cheating. 

✖   —   a/n: beta read by my friend @ofoceansandtombstones​ <3 the title of the chapter is a reference to “oh daddy” by fleetwood mac.

chapter two: oh daddy

The only sounds you could hear when you got to the tennis court Zeke asked you to meet at was the ball being hit with the rackets and grunts from the two blond men you were expecting to see. Even if Reiner was a part of the swimming team along with Zeke, he always indulged his friend into playing with him, especially in the early mornings.

Neither Zeke nor Reiner realized you were there, too focused on the game, so you walked to the bleachers and sat down, forearms resting on your knees and hunched back as you watched the game.

Reiner was one of your only friends that liked being around Zeke, which really baffled your mind as the only one who knew about your dirty laundry was Porco. Yet, even after two years of being together, Annie wouldn’t even try to start a conversation with Zeke the multiple times he was over at your place. Armin, being the sweetheart he was, tagged along with her, only saying hello or goodbye while making a beeline towards Annie’s room. Pieck, Marcel and Bertholdt also made sure to avoid interacting with him, each of them in their own ways.

You sighed, pressing the bridge of your nose. You didn’t have the time to worry about it that morning.

A hard hit from Reiner made Zeke miss the ball and turn around to retrieve it. This gave Reiner the chance to look around, waving at you when he noticed your presence. You gave him a small smile and waved back.

“Your girlfriend is here.”

Zeke turned around quickly, his grey-blue eyes finding yours. You hated how a smile crept up your lips even after the disastrous night you had spent. His boyish grin and friendly wave would always bring warmth to your chest, and that spoke about how much your heart still belonged to him.

Your eyes were so fixated on each other you didn’t notice Reiner chuckling softly at the way you were looking at each other. Walking around the court, he called up Zeke, startling him and shook his hand. You didn’t listen to what he was saying but after a short conversation, Reiner turned around, waving at you again and started walking out the court. Zeke gestured to join him and you nodded, getting up and walking to the court with your hands in your pockets.

The moment you stepped a foot inside the court, Zeke started walking to you and met you halfway. He grabbed your face and placed a kiss on your lips, humming happily to himself. You kissed him back half-heartedly, your hands still secure inside your pockets without an ounce of need to put them around his neck like usual.

“You look so beautiful,” he said once he pulled away, holding your face tenderly.

You gave him a strained smile.

“Why did you call me so early?” you sighed.

Zeke’s grin didn’t waver, instead pressing a kiss on your forehead.

“Give me a second,” he said excitedly, before turning around and walking to the backpack that was against the wall. He left his tennis racket next to it and, after rummaging for a short while, he came back holding a baseball and a glove in his hand.

With a hand on the small of your back, he guided you until you were on the edge of the court. He carefully put the glove on your hand and ran back to the other edge of the court, both of you staying just on one side of the tennis court.

There was a part of you that wanted nothing more than to throw the glove away, stomp on it and demand answers from him but Zeke’s eager smile was nothing like you had seen before. He was really excited about this and even if you weren’t sure as to why , you felt compelled to follow along.

Zeke threw the ball at you and you took a couple of steps back to catch it with your glove. You winced in pain, your muscles still mad at you for drinking so much last night. You threw the ball as hard as you could but it didn’t reach your boyfriend, instead falling to the ground. Without saying a word, he shortened the distance between the two of you and threw the ball again.

A silent game of catch started between the two of you under the morning rays of sun. Seeing how happy Zeke was made you remember why you had fallen in love with him in the first place. He only smiled like that when he was around you, a huge grin on his face and a small couple of wrinkles on each side of his eyes. It was completely different from the way he smiled in social events and you couldn’t help but feel your heart flutter knowing it was only you that could see him like this.

It had been almost two years since a junior that sat a few seats away from you at your History of Philosophy class had asked to take a look at your notes at the end of your second class. He confessed it was his third time taking the course as he has failed it twice already. It was his last chance to pass the course and he had seen you taking a lot of notes and answering questions right, hence he was asking for your help. You couldn’t help but giggle at the image of this tall junior asking for the help of a freshman but you agreed and even offered to help him prepare for the exam if he really needed it.

That was the first time he truly smiled at you. And since then you had been hooked.

From a hidden makeout session at the back of the library to him introducing you to his half-brother, you had suddenly become the ‘it couple’ on campus. Zeke always took you out to social gatherings along with his classmates, presenting you as his girlfriend and keeping an arm around your shoulders at all times, letting everyone know who you were with.

Time went by and he even took you to his grandparents’ house, a lovely old couple that lived on the edge of town. You had dinner with them and smiled as they went on and on about how much they loved and were proud of their grandson. As they told you endearing but slightly embarrassing stories about Zeke when he was a little kid, you couldn’t help but notice they didn’t mention his parents in any of the stories. When you went to the kitchen to help his grandmother bring the dessert you tried looking for a picture of his parents and didn’t find it either. But you knew better than to ask.

The conversation ran long and when you two noticed, it was already too late to drive back, so you both decided to stay at their house for the night. After his grandparents had gone to sleep, you sat in front of the chimney, sitting next to each other, your head on his shoulder and enjoying the soft music coming from his phone. Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Rumours’ album was one of Zeke’s favourite albums and it was slowly starting to become yours as well.

A sniffle distracted your thoughts.

You pulled away immediately, kneeling and holding his face tenderly. It seemed Zeke had been crying for quite some time now and your eyes filled with worry.

“Baby, are you okay? What’s wrong?” you whispered, your thumbs wiping the tears running down his cheeks to his beard.

“I miss him,” he mumbled.

“Your dad?” you asked softly.

Zeke shook his head and averted his gaze from you. You turned his head back to you again and pressed a kiss on his forehead.

“You can talk to me, Zeke. Stronger together, right?” you said with a soft smile. He reciprocated it with a small nod.

Words fell from Zeke’s mouth like a broken dam, tears falling from his eyes quicker than you were able to kiss them away. You listened to him in silence, your fingers running across his dark blond locks, trying your best to soothe him as he tripped over his own words, painting a picture of his childhood.

He told you about their parents and their strong alliance with a political party when he was a kid. How they would talk to him about the party’s history and why he should be on their side, often getting irritated at him for not remembering all the details. He blamed himself for being too young to understand, for not paying enough attention when they talked to him about it. When a chance arrived for him to apply to a scholarship for middle school in a very prestigious private school, both his parents registered him, saying he should study hard to get that scholarship so he could start talking about the political party to the sons and daughters of the high class, so more people could support them.

But Zeke had never been good at school. He reminded you the reason you had met was that he had already failed a course twice, only salvaging it because you tutored him. So when he was ordered to get that scholarship, he studied day and night, sometimes not even going to bed because he wanted to make his parents happy and going to school without having slept even for a minute. But his scores were still low, igniting long and loud fights between his mom and dad, making him silently weep inside his bedroom as he listened to how much of a disappointment he was.

“You’re not a disappointment,” you interrupted him. His eyes that had been set on the chimney turned to you and he lifted the corners of his mouth.

You knew he didn’t believe you.

“They were taken by the police a few days before my scholarship exam. Turns out the political party they were into was… a bit radical.” He didn’t comment further and you thought it was best not to ask for details. “So I came to live with my grandparents. I was enrolled in public middle school and got a sports scholarship to get into university, hence why I’m a part of the swimming team.”

“Are they still…” your question died in your lips.

“In prison? No,” Zeke sighed, taking his glasses off and passing a hand across his face. “They got out after a couple of years. My mom died in a car accident shortly after and my dad remarried Eren’s mom. He lives with her now. Honestly, she’s a very sweet woman, she has always been kind to me. I don’t know how she stands him,” he said with a small chuckle.

“Even so, it’s okay to miss him, you know? Families are… complicated. So it wouldn’t be wrong for you to miss him from time to time.”

“I meant I miss Ksaver,” Zeke said, a sad smile on his lips. He took your hand in his, playing with it absentmindedly. “He was my science teacher at elementary school. He noticed how much I was struggling and how little sleep I was getting. He offered to tutor me some afternoons and we always ended up playing catch for a while before I had to go home. I think I was only able to go by because I could always look for spending my afternoons with him. We kept in touch when I went to middle school and he was always willing to help me out whenever I needed help with my classes or with the girls,” he said, a chuckle escaping his lips. “He lent me his jacket for my first date and he was the one I told about my first kiss with a girl in high school.”

You smiled sweetly, squeezing his hand softly.

“I wish I could have introduced you to him. But he… died, a couple of weeks after I started uni. Cancer. I never knew,” he said bitterly, biting the inside of his cheek. “So being here, listening to my grandparents tell you stories about when I was a kid… just made me remember him, you know? And shit— I really miss him.”

That night when you went to bed, you made sure to hold him a little tighter as he laid his body on top of yours. The feeling of his beard scratching your skin as he kissed your neck made you claw your nails on his muscular back. The room was filled with the sweetest breathy moans as you tried your best to be silent so you didn’t wake his grandparents up.

He pressed a long kiss on your lips before getting off of you, rummaging through his pants and trying to find a spare condom in his pockets. You waited as he put it on, fingertips gently tracing his forearms as a subtle reminder you were still there. Zeke hovered over you with a loving smile, his grey-blue eyes locked in yours making you feel as if you were the only woman he had ever even glanced at.

He slid into you, your lips parting as your body adjusted to his length. He started at a calm pace, his pelvis rubbing just right against your clit, making you see stars every time he moved. You held tightly on his muscular arms, moving your hips as you desperately craved for more.

It wasn’t long until he was pulling out of you, turning you on your stomach and thrusting inside of you again. It didn’t surprise you, he had always shown a preference for fucking you from behind.

Zeke’s hands were holding your waist tightly while he kept bucking his hips against you, his hot breath tickling your ear. The low grunts coming out of his mouth as he buried himself in you were all you could think about as you muffled your moans on the pillow. His fingers were digging on your skin, for sure leaving marks for you to find the next day, a hobby you had grown fond of ever since you started sleeping with Zeke. He was relentless, hips rutting against you without mercy, each thrust getting deeper and deeper inside of you.

“Shit, you give it so good to me, baby,” he grunted, bitting down on your shoulder. You whimpered, closing your fists on the sheets as you tried to arch your back even more to him. “Yeah, just like that— such a good girl to me.”

The way he increased his rhythm for a few seconds and then stilled behind you let you know he has reached his high. You felt as he rolled away from your body, lying on your side with a content smile, lips parted as he tried to regain his breath. You smiled softly at him and caressed his cheek with your knuckles.

Maybe it was a stretch, but you wished to have the power to stop him from ever getting hurt again. You wanted to protect that smile at all costs, not even letting the cold air touch him or anything that could ever threaten his well-being again. It was at that moment that you decided you would make sure he was the happiest man he could be as long as you were there.

As you saw Zeke smile as he threw the baseball, you remembered your vow. He was really the prettiest when he smiled. After your last throw, he caught it and gestured to you to come closer. He kissed you once again and this time you melted in his touch, the familiar taste of his lips taking you back to that night in front of the fire. He put the glove and baseball into his backpack and took your hand, placing a small kiss on the back of it.

“C’mon. Let's get breakfast.”

Finding an isolated spot on campus was easy, both of you sitting down under a tree. On your way there, Zeke had bought a couple of juice boxes from a vending machine and once you had gotten comfortable on the ground you realized he had packed a couple of sandwiches for both of you. You took one and smiled at him as a thank you.

“Have you thought about trying out for the baseball team? Bet you would do great there,” you commented, taking your first bite.

“I… I honestly haven’t played in forever,” Zeke said, shaking his head. “Hell, I hadn’t played like this since Ksaver died.”

“What changed?” you asked softly.

“Found this baseball while looking through my tennis stuff this morning as I was leaving to play with Reiner. So I brought them with me because…” he made a pause, looking down at his sandwich. “I wanted to play with you. I wanted to— to share this with you. You know how much it means to me and I couldn’t think of anyone else I wanted to do this with after all these years.”

You smiled at his words and right when you were leaning to kiss him, the memory of Yelena leaving his house hit you. Right. You had seen them, how had you forgotten about this?

Zeke noticed the way your smile dropped and furrowed his eyebrows in concern.

“I saw her kissing you,” you said, in a makeshift stern voice. Zeke’s frown deepened.

“What?”

“Yelena. I saw you kissing Yelena last night when she left your house,” you said, the pressure on your chest making it hard to talk. You took a deep breath, trying to alleviate it.

“Wait, wait, last night? Where were you?” he asked, confused.

“I— a few houses away. I wanted to say hi but I saw her and— I saw you two kissing, Zeke, aren't you going to say anything?” you demanded, your voice breaking at the end.

“Baby, I was confused as to why you were saying this because we didn’t kiss. I have never kissed Yelena in my life.”

“Zeke, I saw you,” you said in a pained voice. “I fucking saw you and—”

“Wait, was that why you called?” he interrupted you. “I’m sorry, baby, I really am. I’m just having trouble understanding because we never kissed. The closest thing to that happening was Yelena kissing my cheek goodnight and that’s it.”

“But I—”

“You just said you were a couple of houses away. Don’t you think you could have confused a friendly kiss on the cheek with her kissing my lips? As if I would ever let her,” Zeke said, taking a sip of his juice. “She knows how much I’m in love with you. Hell, I’ve even told her how I plan to marry you once you graduate.”

You felt your cheeks heating at his words and then immediately shook your head, trying to focus.

“Porco saw you too.”

At this, Zeke’s calm expression turned into a disgusted one.

“Baby, please,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. “Porco will say anything to get you away from me. You know he’s in love with you, right?” he asked. You averted his gaze, looking down at your sandwich. “He’s so obvious about it. He’ll say anything to make you doubt your relationship with me enough for him to get a chance. Bet he kept insisting on you leaving me after you mistakenly believed Yelena kissed me last night.”

Memories of Porco’s arms around your body and his hazel eyes looking at you as he kissed your palm crept inside your head, guilt leaving a bitter taste in your mouth. Zeke was right. You were a few houses apart and all you had seen was her kissing the corner of his mouth, never a full kiss on the lips. And on top of that, you had been drinking a lot. There was a big chance you had perceived the moment differently and… Porco had definitely egged you on your distrust.

“You did nothing wrong,” Zeke assured you, taking one of your hands in his. “You trust people too much, you’re too good. But please don’t believe Porco’s intentions are innocent in any way.”

You nodded, keeping your head down. At this, Zeke scooted over to your side, grabbing your face gently and kissing your forehead. You smiled at his action and lifted your face until your lips met. A chaste kiss was exchanged, making the both of you smile.

“I’m sorry for… insisting on this but can I ask you something else about last night?” you asked in a small voice.

Zeke nodded. “Sure, anything that will make you feel better.”

“Why was Yelena with you last night? Why did she leave so late?”

“Yelena was going through a rough time, stuff with her family and the fact she likes girls,” Zeke explained, biting down on his sandwich. “Her family is very religious so it’s… a touchy subject. She needed to talk and we did just that— talk until she was feeling better.”

You nodded, still with a small frown on your face.

“But I asked you, I— I called you and I asked if the movies were fun by yourself.”

“And I told you I always preferred watching movies alone,” Zeke reminded you. “I didn’t lie, I really do. I’ve told you this before. Besides, I didn’t just want to air out her business. It was private for a reason.”

“But her Instagram—”

“Darling, don’t mind her. Please, as far as I know, she could have made that post in case her family saw it. She’s not even out on campus, so… I don’t know,” he shrugged. “But don’t think about it too hard. She’s my friend but trust me when I say she’s not worth your time.”

You felt stupid. So damn stupid for ever believing Zeke was cheating on you. All of Yelena’s Instagram photos made so much sense now that you knew she was trying to present herself as straight. Surely you would have preferred her to use any other guy than your boyfriend but… it just made sense. Since Zeke was the only one that knew about her sexuality, she made sure not to foolishly lead him on since he knew it was all a charade.

And the fact Zeke wasn’t asking about Porco— God, you didn’t deserve him. You had just admitted to being outside with Porco at three in the morning and he hadn’t batted an eye. He didn’t need proof or to interrogate you to trust you would never cheat on him.

“Stop worrying your pretty head around it. We’re good, okay?” he assured you, nudging your shoulder playfully. “Let's just forget about this whole thing, okay?”

“Okay,” you smiled.

Zeke took one last bite of his sandwich, shaking his hands to get rid of the crumbs. He scooted until his back was against the tree and pulled you by your wrist, content in how you were giggling as he set you between his legs, with your back on his chest.

“Thank you for meeting me this early without notice. When I found Ksaver’s baseball I just knew I wanted to share that moment with you,” he said, resting his chin on your shoulder and putting his arms around your waist. “I’m so weak when it comes to… remembering things from my past. But I know I can always count on you. You’re so much stronger than I am. Always have been.”

Your mind went back to Porco pushing you away after you tried to kiss him just a few hours ago.

“I don’t know about that,” you whispered.

“But you are. And that’s one of the reasons I’m so in love with you,” he smiled, pressing a kiss on your shoulder. “One of the reasons I plan to ask you to marry me as soon as you graduate. We’re stronger together, remember?”

Your heart fluttered at his words.

“Yes,” you nodded with a soft smile .”We are.”

[alienaiver]

Half the Battle, pt. 1

Kuroo Tetsurou x gn!reader

find part two here!

warnings: slight angst about childhood/parents fighting/divorce, one (1) bottle of wine is opened, someone is betrayed in Mario Party, NOT beta-read! apologize for any mistakes! (lmk if there’s any warnings i missed!)

wordcount: 5.5k

content: soulmate AU, mild angst, fluff, post-timeskip but slight canon divergence (i haven’t read the manga yet so this is loosely based off of their canon timeskip lives), gender neutral reader, reader is a video editor, reader is bad at eye contact but the details as to why are vague/up for interpretation!

notes: this was made for @gg9183 ​ ‘s wonderful birthday event, a soulmate collab! (go read the other wonderful works!) happy birthday once again, gray!! this was meant to be a 2k one shot but.... plans and inspiration changes sometimes, right? 🥺 so this ended up as a 5k part ONE lmfao i hope thats alright w u!!! part2 will be up asap, i promise!! i hope you enjoy this!!!! 

—————————

Not meeting his soulmate was fine, Kuroo often found himself thinking. The odds of finding your soulmate’s way too low to be realistic anyways, he supported the thought. It’s illogical to spend so much time fretting about it, he finally added for good measure.

Soulmates were a natural part of life, always had been. But with the big wide world filled with over seven billion people, meeting yours wasn’t completely unheard of. But given the powers of soulmates even existing, it wasn’t unrealistic to also believe that some kind of fate would pull you towards each other throughout your lives so that you would meet each other. Kuroo however, prided himself in not caring about soulmates. His life was rich enough. People explaining their feelings about “something being missing until they finally meet them” was incomprehensible to him.

Kuroo had lived for 29 years without being able to see color. And you know what? His life was damn well fulfilling enough. He had a beautiful apartment, an economy that flourished, an adorable cat named Cucumber and good people around him. What would he really need a soulmate for? He could ignore his friends comments on how wonderful the world was in color, if only he would just start looking for his soulmate, how much meaning it gave life. Just because the people in his closest circle had all magically met theirs – not to mention how many of them had already met in Goddamn high school, Kuroo scoffed and was always able to move on.

Even though a lot of people actively made eye contact with everyone they met, even people on the street, to make sure they would meet their soulmate, Kuroo kept his eyes down. He wasn’t insecure, come on, he was perfectly happy! He just didn’t need to be late for a meeting because he got eye contact with some stranger, you know?

His life was in perfect balance as is.. Until yesterday, of course. It had turned out there was mold in his apartment complex so they had to evict it for a month while a crew would go through everything to remove it. He didn’t want to go to his mother’s place, that was too far from his work, but he wasn’t in the mood for a hotel, that was way too expensive, so he turned to his best friend of many years with the biggest set of puppy eyes he could muster and the prospect of making every dinner while he lived there.

“Fine… but don’t get in the way,” was all Kenma had to say.

And so Kuroo spent his last weekend in his own apartment packing things down to make it accessible to the cleaning crew. Cucumber hated other cats with a passion so he couldn’t bring him to Kenma’s, where three cats already happily lived, so his mother would pick him up tomorrow afternoon.

__

He sat on his couch, scrolling his phone mindlessly with Cucumber on his lap who had been stressed with all the packing down, sensing something was up. He was being extra cuddly towards Kuroo who, honestly? Didn’t mind at all. He loved when Cucumber was in mood for cuddles, though it wasn’t very often. He had been told his cat was orange and while he didn’t have a measure for what that color actually looked like, he was happy with his gray cat.

His mother was supposed to arrive any minute now, so he should have gotten up and put the cat in his carrier but it was easier to get him in it if you had two pair of hands. He scrolled through Instagram, reaching a photo put up by Tsukishima of his soulmate, the light-haired manager of their high school volleyball club, with a tooth-eating grin on her face and proudly showing off a ring on her finger, the caption said, This smile makes me wanna brag. Kuroo could physically hear the provocative tone of his voice, knowing he was one of the first in his circle of friends to actually plan a wedding. Kuroo clicked his tongue with a smile on his face and double-tapped to like the picture.

He didn’t know if it was the combination of that post and the fact that his mother was on her way but memories of his parent’s wedding flooded his mind. For a lot of people, weddings felt obsolete in the face of the whole “you already got your soulmate and you know this” thing, so a lot of couples were happy not getting married but just being together. But there was also the benefits of marriage in the practical sense, so some people did anyways, some hosting parties, some not. His parents weren’t married when he came to, but after he turned five they decided to do it so he would be protected by both of them, in case of any emergency.

It had been a small wedding, only the closest family and friends but Kuroo was vivid, so excited about being part of that whole romantic ordeal, even helping his mom find a dress and everything. He had been a huge and important part of the wedding – if he did say so himself. Everyone had been glowing at the day, the food was delicious, there was laughter, song and cheers and everyone had brought so many presents – even some for little Tetsurou, who had been very excited about his new train tracks.

But when Kuroo was seven years old, it wasn’t as romantic anymore. His parents were fighting a lot, he wasn’t entirely sure why or about what because they would never tell him about it, no matter how much he asked. When he tried to listen in, the words he heard didn’t explain anything to him because even though they were yelling at each other, the important words were always whispered, as if they knew Kuroo was listening in.

When he was eight his mom had come into his room, hugged him and with tears in her eyes and said that they were going to move away.

“Where are we going?” he asked simply, no emotion to be read on his little face. He was exhausted from his parents being this way – they were soulmates, right? Why did they fight like that?

“To Tokyo, just you and me, my love.”

That’s when he met Kenma. He had been very closed-off and shy back when they met, he reminisced. He had been a regular kid when he was younger but the way his parents split up – his soulmate parents – had closed him off pretty bad, so it was a miracle he met Kenma and started opening up again.

Kuroo smiled to himself bitterly before scratching Cucumber’s ear. He supposed this was also why he wasn’t interested in his soulmate. So many people had romanticized the whole soulmate ideal so a lot of people forgot that relationships still took work, took effort and just because they were made for each other, didn’t necessarily guarantee that they would stay together. His mom and dad didn’t officially talk anymore, but when he asked his mom as a child whether or not she still saw color, she said that she did. He also found long letters in her bedroom when he was nine, letters from his dad, so he supposed they still talked together, though Kuroo wasn’t let in on it – nor was he particularly interested. And he definitely we wasn’t interested in ending up in a relationship with someone who would end up not wanting to put in the effort for the relationship to flourish.

After Cucumber had been picked up by his mom it was time to leave for Kenma’s place. He carried the last boxes of valuables down to his basement and locked them in before trekking down to the subway with his suitcase and sports bag.

_____

You were late for work, so you scrambled to pack your things. It was Wednesday afternoon and you were supposed to meet in at 3PM, because that was around the time that Kodzuken had planned to finish his recording, he told you yesterday. You were a video editor and had met Kenma through your old part-time job in his favorite convenience store quite a few years back, back when he had first bought his house when he was 24. You remembered talking to him about video games in the store since you also played some, and after a good while of polite customer service and talk about new games, you had started hanging out outside of work as well. When you had then told him you were actually a freelance video editor but just didn’t get many jobs, he had almost instantly hired you to do his YouTube videos for him and general editing and set-ups of his streams. I know video games, not recording equipment, he had told you so many years ago.

Your original thought had been wary, because working for a friend might get messy but Kenma cared a lot about keeping it professional when you were on the clock, which you appreciated very much. In his house, down by his game room, there was a room next door with screens and all the best editing software just for you to play with. Your pay was higher than average for such a “simple” but regular gig but when prompted about it, he simply shrugged and told you it wasn’t up for negotiation and no one was being treated unfair – and who were you to go against such a good pay for a job that you loved doing and wanted to do full-time? With Kenma being a famous streamer and gamer, he often made lots of different videos for various sites so your job hours resembled a nine to five job, easy, even if the hours were off from the more conventional jobs and you usually came in later in the day and sometimes finished off late in the evening – some of his videos had a time limit for a release date of a game, so there was also days where you were extremely busy and scrambling to get the video done right for a release of a game.

As you closed your bag and ran out the door towards the subway, you checked your phone for any updates. If he’d finished early, he would’ve texted you about it, so you put your phone in your pocket and hurried towards his house.

When you arrived you immediately rang the doorbell before catching your breath, you were used to Kenma spending a few minutes before reaching the door and opening it, so when the door opened almost instantly you took a step back before looking up. The one opening the door was taller than Kenma and in a loose dress shirt that was unbuttoned at the top - that’s all you saw before your eyes darted down to your feet.

“...Hi! I’m uh… Where’s Kenma?” was all you got out while fidgeting with your purse strap, it certainly wasn’t his boyfriend Hinata opening the door today.

“Oh, hey! You must be his video editor, right? He told me about you!” The man said, pointing to himself with his thumb,

“I’m Kuroo Tetsurou! Kenma’s childhood friend! Sorry to intrude, I’ll be living here for the next month, I promise not to get in your way!” As he finished his introduction, he moved aside so that you could enter. As you took off your shoes you heard Kenma’s feet shuffling towards you, “oh hey, welcome, you’re early,” Kenma said with his usual deadpan expression but you could clearly hear the teasing in his voice.

“At least I’m here now, right?” You smiled back, instantly relaxing at the sight of your boss and friend. You turned to Kuroo again, bowed and introduced yourself before taking off your coat and putting it on a hanger, while Kenma and the guy named Kuroo seemed to bicker a bit about whether or not Kuroo should answer the door while he lived there.

“I’ll go set it up, have you transferred the video files to the hard disk?” you asked Kenma as you moved towards ‘your’ office, sending Kuroo a polite smile while keeping your eyes on his neck.

Eye contact was hard for you, it always made you extremely uncomfortable and you didn’t really have any before you felt comfortable with the person. Your mother had often scolded you, saying you’d never find your soulmate at this rate, which you always acknowledged with a hum or a simple yes without starting a discussion.

You honestly weren’t sure whether or not you cared for a soulmate. Your biggest argument to wanting to find one was so that you could see colors, because it’d help your career. Kenma already had his soulmate, so he was the one deciding the color scheme for his videos and helped with the color-related editing, which worked fine as of now, but you would probably appreciate to be able to do it yourself. You had also spent some years coming to terms with your struggles with eye contact and accept that this was just how you functioned. If you missed your soulmate in a random supermarket thanks to it one day, well, you’d be none the wiser, so you felt sure you’d survive without one, but you also couldn’t deny that the sound of a soulmate sounded really nice and comforting. That someone out there existed to fit you, that you were born to love someone who was also meant to love you. You were sure that finding your soulmate wasn’t a dance on roses, it was sure to still be hard, frustrating and maybe even painful sometimes, but you also couldn’t just have all the good, there was a balance that was sure to exist within soulmates as well.

After hours of going through the raw footage from his video game play and slowly editing while watching it, you popped your shoulders and stretched your arms for a moment, yawning as you did so. Your hours were always a bit intense, but that couldn’t be helped when you had six hours of raw footage to work with. Looking at the clock you saw that it was 5.30PM which meant that soon Kenma would wake up from his pseudo-sleep (which was more like a nap in your opinion) to look at your process and ask what you wanted for dinner.

Soon after a soft knock was heard followed by the door opening slowly, Kenma standing in sweats and a hoodie with bags under his eyes, “do you like hotpot?” he asked, and you smiled at him, “sure, are you cooking tonight?” he yawned while he shook his head, “Kuroo is. He insists on a ‘fulfilling meal’, whatever that means.”

You giggled before beckoning Kenma in to see some of what you’ve done so far and making minor adjustments along the way. “Now, something smells delicious and I’m thirsty,” you stated after the two of you had talked a bit about the rest of the video’s plans. As you went towards the kitchen you could hear the sound of of a nameless tune being hummed, pans sizzling from something being cooked and kitchen utensils being used.

Inside, the table was already set with plates and prepared ingredients lying ready for the pot that Kuroo was just about to put on the table. It seemed he had made an endless supply of different side dishes and really put in a lot of work for it, so you looked really forward to eating it and it smelled delicious. You grabbed a glass from the set table and went to the sink to get some water and just as your hand reached it, Kuroo had extended his hand as well to the sink and you accidentally touched.

You both recoiled as if you had been burned and you couldn’t stop the gasp that accidentally left your lips. A feeling was rushing through your body you hadn’t experienced before and you immediately apologized to Kuroo and went back to the table, foregoing the water. You didn’t notice how Kuroo was frozen in place from when he touched you before Kenma called out to him and he immediately started moving again.

You ended up eating shortly after, Kuroo serving the food and talking animatedly about him and Kenma’s childhood, making you laugh quite a bit at their (or more, Kuroo’s) antics and their volleyball days. Kuroo was the type of person to make you relax in his presence and have fun which you didn’t even notice until you got home later that evening and really thought about what a great time you had had. You found yourself surprised by how easily you clicked with Kuroo, a total stranger. It must be his charm, you thought to yourself before going through your night routine. You had to come back tomorrow and finish work, after all. You estimated the video would take you a few more days to finish but that would end up fitting well with the weekend coming, so as you went to bed you felt yourself more relaxed than you had in a while.

_____

“What are they like?”

It was Friday and it seemed you had finished Kenma’s video and therefor you weren’t here for dinner – for the first time in a few days, which did let down Kuroo just a tiny bit. He had talked a lot with you during dinner preparations when you came out from the office and during dinner as well and while you did answer all his questions (which, he admitted, there were quite a few of them) and follow up with your own for him, it still felt… off… talking to you – and Kuroo didn’t like not knowing why. “What do you mean?” Kenma asked, taking another bite into his mouth.

Kenma swallowed a piece of meat before looking up at Kuroo who was stabbing his plate with his fork in what seemed like a useless purpose. He knew he was being a little weird but meeting you was weird, even though he had no reason to explain why.

“I mean, is this how they usually act?” He didn’t even know what that question meant or why he was even asking it, nothing made sense! But he had a desperate feeling that he needed to get to know you – he was afraid of what that implied and what suspicions he needed to hold onto, but he was sure it was his gut telling him you were dangerous for Kenma to be around – that had to be it! Kenma was his best friend, his childhood friend, it had to be a gut feeling meant to protect him!

“Who knows, they’re being more polite than usual, I think. But that makes sense,” Kenma replied calmly before adding, “I mean you are a stranger who’s really intent on being social with them over our dinners, they were a bit shy as well when I met them,”

Kuroo nodded and finally took a bite of his own food. He didn’t notice Kenma’s raised eyebrows or the questioning look that was sent his way, so Kenma decided to let the subject rest.

Not seeing you today felt weird to him too and he couldn’t help the irritation building up inside him – you had just met a few days ago and only in the evenings when he was done with work and ready to make dinner – and yet, the thought of you kept invading his mind. He had gotten through work today thinking you were going to be there for dinner so when he came home and found out you wouldn’t be there, the first seed of irritation had been planted – why was he suddenly looking so much forward to seeing you? Had it been like this yesterday too? Why was it suddenly important that you weren’t there? He ended up sitting in front of the laptop in the guest room for the rest of the evening, the document left open and completely untouched.

Kuroo, however, didn’t let the subject rest in his head for the rest of that evening. Hinata was in town, having time off after a big game yesterday so Kuroo was left to his own devices – which really wasn’t a problem considering he had to make the paperwork for a promotional deal for a meeting Monday morning that he had procrastinated making – which wasn’t like him at all, he usually never pushed assignments to last minute and he then realized the reason he wasn’t done yet was because he had spent so much time over the dinner table with Kenma and you, talking even after dinner had been done for a while. You always offered to help him with the clean-up so you also spent some time talking there, drifting off to various subjects far passing the cleaning duties and sitting down again with a glass of water.

He enjoyed your company, it felt... easy, somehow, the sensation that something was off was there but it didn’t really settle in his stomach until every time after you left, as if it was left to grow a bit from a small sensation to a problem, which worried him – Kuroo prided himself as an impeccable people-reader, he was captain for both the volleyball team in high school and college, he knew how to act around business relations so well because he could read them so flawlessly – so the feelings he got from you was unsettling and unreadable and it took some control away from him – and Kuroo always felt uneasy when he wasn’t in control.

____

Kuroo heard your name and almost got whiplash from how fast his head moved towards Kenma, “what?”

“I asked if we should invite them? To game night? Being three is a little annoying in Mario Party.”

“Oooh, that’s a good idea! I’d love to see them again!” Hinata happily exclaimed before taking another bite of the lasagna Kuroo had prepared tonight. It was Saturday and Kuroo had been in a daze the entire day, first at the office for a quick meeting with his boss about a potential partner he might be able to reel in soon and then doing his laundry at Kenma’s and continuing to try and make the stupid paperwork but ultimately failing before he had to make dinner.

“Isn’t it a bit late to invite someone? I mean, they could have plans already...” Kuroo tried, knowing what a pain it could be to be asked to something an hour before it happened and he didn’t want to let you go through that – that’s what he tried to tell himself, at least. In truth? He was a bit afraid of seeing you again, afraid of his potential reactions, since he had spent his entire Friday in a stupor just thinking about you. His thoughts didn’t mean much for Kenma and Hinata though, who was already texting you to ask.  “Oi, no phones at the table, have you parents taught you no manners?” Kuroo chided and Hinata immediately shrank back and apologized – Kuroo smirked, yea the Chibi-chan still had respect for his seniors. But he was quickly pulled back to thoughts about you by Kenma’s phone lighting up again, “they’ll be here in an hour. They’re asking if they should bring anything?” Kenma looked up to gauge Kuroo’s reaction, having noticed something about his friend had been off the past few days. He immediately made a funny grimace before turning it into a smile. “Yea, they can bring a bottle of white wine, if I have to beat you all at Mario Party, I would very much like to be a tiny bit buzzed,” Kuroo said, and Hinata looked at him with wide eyes, “you drink wine!? So grown up!” Hinata exclaimed, to which Kenma just muttered, “or just an old man…” Kuroo didn’t hear that though, too busy to fidget with his hands under the table, suddenly feeling nervous that you were showing up.

Hinata plopped down between Kuroo and you with a controller in hand, “I’m gonna beat you all in this Mario Kart!” to which you laughed loudly, “good luck since we’re playing Mario Party.”

“Huh? Is there a difference?” Hinata asked, making Kuroo belt out a loud laugh as well, holding his stomach, “you just told us you’d beat us but you don’t even know what we’re playing!” Kuroo couldn’t contain his laughter for a bit until he noticed how you were looking at him and instantly retracted his laugh, sitting up straight with a cough, and apologizing for being loud, which confused him to no end. He had never been self-conscious of his own laugh! He knew it could be obnoxious and loud, but he also liked it himself, and-

“That’s a really cute laugh.”

The comment earned you the stares of the century from the three other people in the room, with Kenma in genuine shock – he wouldn’t say he disliked Kuroo’s laugh, just that it was… special.

“Uhm… Uh. Thank you?” Kuroo could feel that his blush went all the way to his ears but he hoped that the light in the living room wasn’t bright enough to catch it. “Yeah uh! Sure! Mhm,” you awkwardly coughed a bit as well before reaching for your glass of wine.

You had brought a bottle of white wine for Kuroo on the promise that you’d get a glass too, saying he was your first friend who also liked wine. The word ‘friend’ had dumb-founded him and he’d just answered “you can have it all,” to which you had laughed and said it’s fine with half, you weirdo.

The game was about to begin but Kuroo was still sitting stuck on the fact that his laugh was cute – cute? Had anyone else found it cute before besides Bokuto and his mom? He wasn’t sure – he sure couldn’t pinpoint them right now anyways. He tried to shake it off and focus on the game, though quite a bit of time was spent explaining the rules to Hinata who apparently had thought they were just playing Mario Kart.

When you were 12 laps into it, it seemed that you were set to win with your four stars and 121 coins. Kenma was right behind you with three stars and Hinata and Kuroo had been left in the dust with zero stars. You had stolen Kuroo’s first (and only) star early in the game, so he was plotting his vengeance in quiet but was getting afraid that the game would end before he could do anything to you – but just as his hopes were at the smallest during the last round of the game, you were put in the same team as him in the last mini game.

Kuroo had a wide smirk when you cheered and said, “this’ll be easy then!” because no, it would not be easy for you. If he had to go down in order to take you down a notch, then so be it. He’d rather Kenma win than you did with stolen goods!

The last mini game was “Tow the Line” where two players were put in a sewing box shaped with nine dots as a grid and two players tied together with a string and the objective was to make the shape with the string as shown in the middle of screen. As soon as the whistle sounded, Kuroo lowered his hands and stopped using his controllers, all with a big grin on his lips.

“Kuroo, what the fuck! Get moving, we’ve started!” you yelled at him as Kenma and Hinata won the first round, signaling the next round began, Kuroo started whistling and looking away from the screen, to which you got up from your seat, “fine, I’ll just take your controller and do it myself!”

Kuroo put his arm with the controller behind him, “nah-ah-ah! You’re not winning this, fiend! That’s what you get for stealing my star!” He grinned up at you with his eyes closed as you stood with your hands on your hips, “come on man! I stole that star in the fourth round! Kenma stole a star from me as well!” you tried, “maybe he stole the one that was yours, who knows! Get over it so we can win!”

But as soon as you’d said that, the third round had just been won and you sighed and flopped down on your seat again, “not cool Kuroo, not cool. I’ll remember this!”

You both laughed as the game made ready to announce the winner, Kenma and Hinata entertained by your antics.

“You can’t avenge something that I avenged in the first place! I only did it because you did me wrong, you know!”

“You can’t use logic on me, it doesn’t apply!”

To no surprise, you won the entire game, even winning one of the two bonus stars given at the end of the game.

After the last sequence and a bow from you there was a quick break before you decided to play some Mario Kart for Hinata’s sake, since his argument was that he lost due it being Party instead. You played quite a few hours and after another toilet break you had switched places with Hinata so Kenma could cuddle up against him. You yawned, drinking the last of the wine in your glass and said, “I should head home, I have a friend coming over for lunch tomorrow.”

Hinata and Kenma both started to get up to say goodnight but you waved at them with a smile, “I can walk out myself, it’s fine!” But Kuroo had already gotten up from the couch as well, so you walked with him towards the hallway where you put on your shoes. There was a comfortable silence between the two of you, which Kuroo noted and scowled a bit - he might have only known you for less than a week but for some reason he felt like it had been a lot longer, like you were old friends – it felt strange, to be so close with a stranger. He didn’t know anything about you, really. He knew your name, your job and how you liked some of your vegetables and which meat was your favorite, he knew you also loved cats but didn’t have one (he couldn’t remember if he knew why) and he felt pretty sure he would recognize you in a crowded area – why it was so intense, he was unsure of, he hadn’t tried meeting someone this way before. It had also seemed like having this game night had made you considerably more relaxed in his presence, even joking around with him instead of being polite, which made Kuroo somewhat giddy, though it didn’t really make sense to him as to why.

“I hope you had fun,” Kuroo said awkwardly, as if he had been the host and scratched the back of his head.

“Yeah, I did! I’m sorry I stole your star, though,” you laughed, buttoning your jacket.

“Nah, no worries, as they say, all’s fair in love and war, right?”

You giggled and picked up your bag from the dresser while Kuroo opened up the door for you. As you exited, you turned around with a bright smile, “well, thanks for toni-”

Everything ended up a blur, too bright, too much, too noisy, too… colorful? Kuroo was still looking into your eyes as all that went through him, completely blindsided. As he took a proper look, he could see that you looked just as surprised as him, your eyes wide but still never leaving his either.

“Is… Is this? Are you? Is…” You asked after what felt like both days and milliseconds, I could stare at them so much longer, he thought to himself, the colors only making your face more clear to him. Had you really not had eye contact at all? Had you seen each other for several hours – more than a few times, without looking each other in the eyes at all? Kuroo was more baffled by this happening so late than the fact that it was happening.

He was about to say something, anything, when you promptly turned around, nervously yelling, “I-I uh, I gotta go! Goodbye!” as you hurried out of the driveway and down towards the subway.

“W-wait!” Kuroo belatedly and unhelpfully yelled out as you turned a corner, too late. You were gone. A hand was dragged down his face as a sigh left him, what the fuck had just happened? He obviously needed to talk to you about this, but he also needed to gather his thoughts about all of this, so he slowly closed the door and went back towards the living room, greeted by Hinata and Kenma who looked up at him curiously, “why did you yell?” Hinata asked with his head tilted.

“I think I just found my soulmate.”