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wanderinginksplot · 4 years ago

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Wrecker x Homesick Reader (Part Two!)

A continuation of this ex-one-shot, but you can probably pick up everything you need to know from context.

Wrecker x f!reader: hint of romance toward the end

Word Count: 2,300 ish

Warnings: none

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You stood outside of the infamous Havoc Marauder, staring up at the ship with nerves tingling in your stomach.

Okay, coming here had seemed like a fine idea when Wrecker suggested it. Last night, it had even seemed like it might be fun. Added to Wrecker's promise that Tech would amp up the power and reach of your comlink? You had agreed to be here without a second thought.

Now, this finally seemed like a bad idea. The Marauder was looking rough after Clone Force 99's latest crash-landing, you had no idea if Wrecker had spoken to Tech on your behalf, and you hadn't even seen Wrecker that day. Plus, stupid as it sounded even in your own thoughts, you had never actually walked up to a ship without being expected. Were you supposed to knock? Shout? Should you just wait and hope they saw you?

As you stood, undecided, you thought seriously about going back to your quarters. If you were having second thoughts about this, Wrecker probably was, too. It would probably be best for everyone if you just left…

But then hydraulics hissed and the doors opened and the stairs attached to the ship dropped down. Tech appeared in the doorway, peering at you.

"You are the one Wrecker invited here, correct?"

"Uh. Correct?" you answered doubtfully. "He told me you might be able to help me with my comlink."

"Of course I can help you," Tech replied, his casual confidence making you quirk an eyebrow. He lifted his head to glance at the sky for a moment. "You'll have to come onboard the ship, however. The light conditions out here are too intense for such detailed work."

"Yeah, sure," you agreed, following him inside.

The Havoc Marauder was a smaller ship than the ones you had gotten used to at your time at Spearpoint Outpost. Of course, that may have been because a sheet hanging from the ceiling separated the entrance and cockpit from the rest of the living area, but you understood and respected the need for privacy. Four men living in such close quarters probably tried to keep things as separated as possible.

With that in mind, you resisted the urge to peek behind the truly giant sheet to see the Bad Batch's bunk space. Instead, you followed Tech up to the front of the Marauder. To your surprise, Sergeant Hunter was also in the small area. Remembering his keen senses and reluctance to be too close to other people, you stopped immediately.

"Do you want me to wait outside?" you offered. "I don't mind."

"Nah, come on in," Hunter invited. "I'm just doing some maintenance checks. Go ahead and sit down, though. I don't want to risk us clashing heads if either of us moves the wrong way."

You watched the sergeant for a moment to see if he was joking. The two of you weren’t even close to the same height, so several things would need to go wrong before you worried about bumping heads. You thought you saw an amused glitter in his dark eyes, but you had already begun turning toward the co-pilot's seat.

Tech sat down in the other seat. "Don't panic," he said bracingly, and he had ripped the cover off of your comlink before you had time to ask what he meant. Despite the warning, you still flinched at the noise of your comlink being broken.

You watched him in silence for a few long minutes, engrossed in the minute details of his work.

"Wrecker mentioned that you need this range increase to speak with your friends," Tech said, his quiet voice making you jump in the silence of the ship.

"My family, actually," you corrected.

You realized that the quiet sounds of Hunter working in the cabin behind you had stopped. You glanced back in his direction and he began fiddling with some exposed wires again.

"Where are you from?" Tech asked. "I'm certain Wrecker mentioned it before, but I cannot remember a place."

Wrecker talked about you? Feeling unreasonably warmed by that, you answered, "Bespin. Cloud City."

"Supposed to be beautiful there," Hunter said behind you.

"It is," you agreed readily. "Especially the sunrises. Or the sunsets, really. There are always clouds, so on a good day, the sun reflects off the water until the air is filled with more rainbows than there are stars in the sky."

"Impossible," Tech started, but Hunter cut him off.

"You must miss it. Sounds like you left a lot behind to be here."

You shrugged. "Not as much as some. Still, this was the right thing to do. I don't regret my choices."

Tech worked in silence for a while after that, doing something complex to the electrical components of the comlink.

Eventually, he said, "I've heard Bespin has odd customs. Parents often let their children form romantic relationships at early ages and people are encouraged to remain with those partners."

You didn't answer that and Tech glanced up at you questioningly. His fingers didn't stop manipulating the micro-spanner. The comlink sparked loudly and you grimaced. You hadn't even known a comlink could do that.

"Don't you need to… you know, concentrate?" you asked, fighting to keep your voice polite. You couldn't really afford a new comlink right now, and even when you could, a new communicator would take forever to arrive somewhere as remote as Spearpoint.

Rather than look back at the comlink, Tech's eyes slid over to where Hunter stood behind you, silent once more. Before you could turn as well, Tech’s gaze was back on the small device.

Sudden realization flashed through your mind. Tech's questions, Hunter's halting work on the Marauder… They were testing you. This was an interview to see if you were good enough for Wrecker.

You had always been excellent at interviews.

You sat straighter in the chair, dropping the tension from your shoulders as you fixed Tech with a sincere smile.

"You're thinking of Bespin as it was a thousand years ago," you told Tech, satisfied when he looked up at you with surprise half-hidden behind his goggles. "Those traditions were from before we had stable hover-lifts to keep cities at even elevation levels. It would be too difficult to re-identify a city that had dropped, risen, or otherwise changed locations. Young adults were encouraged to find someone they considered a potential romantic partner and share a dwelling before they lost each other forever."

"I…" Tech blinked. "I was unaware."

"We have a lot of legends about it," you said kindly. "Some of them are very widespread, so it isn't surprising you would have found one. I can recommend a good holotext about how we got to a more uniform elevation level and the shift to a more standard form of courtship. If you're interested, of course."

"I am extremely interested," Tech assured. "Have courtship rituals on Bespin changed, then?"

You shrugged. "Probably as much as those of any society that has been inhabited as long as Bespin. I wouldn't know a lot, personally. My first relationship wasn't until I had gone to college on Alderaan, and it certainly wasn’t with anyone from Bespin.”

Tech hummed quietly at that, refocusing his attention on your comlink. You waited to see what his next question would be, but the only noise in the cockpit was the sound of approaching footsteps.

You turned to find Crosshair stepping through the doorway. You managed a smile - not that it was appreciated or returned by the scowling trooper - but started to get anxious again. Where is Wrecker? Surely he hadn’t decided that you were more trouble than you were worth. If he had, why would his brothers be interrogating you?

Tech cleared his throat. “Did you stay on Alderaan long-?”

“You’re the one who spends so much time with Wrecker,” Crosshair said, staring at you. You nodded rather than risk displaying your nervousness in your voice. Crosshair grimaced. “Why?”

“Why… what?” you asked, utterly confused by his question.

“Well, most people find him irritating,” Crosshair pointed out, folding his arms across his lean chest. “Don’t you?”

“Never,” you replied instantly, your voice a bit too passionate for such a small space. “Wrecker is sweet and funny and cares more about others than anyone I’ve ever met. He’s amazing. If some people think he’s irritating, that’s their loss.”

Crosshair inclined his head at you before turning back toward the large sheet separating the living quarters from the cockpit. “There you go; an honest opinion.”

You blushed scarlet as the sheet dropped to reveal Wrecker. Apparently, the biggest Bad Batcher had been holding it in place pressed against the ceiling. You were marveling at that for a few precious seconds, but Wrecker had already moved on.

Beaming at you, Crosshair, and anyone else who bothered to look in your direction, Wrecker cheered, “Great!”

“Subtle, Crosshair,” Hunter said lowly.

Crosshair shrugged. “He wanted to know, and you and Tech were taking too long.”

“So,” Wrecker started, rubbing at the back of his neck as he moved to stand in front of you. Well, he was standing behind the copilot seat, really. The cockpit was crowded with you and every member of Clone Force 99 sharing the space. “I was thinking, maybe-”

“I am finished,” Tech announced, pushing past Wrecker to claim your full attention. He presented you with your comlink and, ignoring Wrecker’s huff of annoyance, proceeded to explain exactly what he had done to the device and how it should work.

You did your best to pay attention, but it was tricky with the other members of the Bad Batch standing in the background. Wrecker, understandably, looked frustrated. Crosshair was far too amused as someone watching one of his brothers accidentally torment another one. Hunter was the one really keeping an eye on the situation. When Tech had finally started to repeat an earlier point, Hunter interrupted.

“Tech, I need your help with one of the sensors in the rear deflector shield,” Hunter said, drawing Tech away slightly. “I’ve fixed the problem and reset the sensor, but it’s still registering as a bug in the system-”

As Hunter and Tech moved further away, Crosshair gave a sardonic salute and slouched off as well. You and Wrecker were alone for the first time, and he moved to sit down in the other pilot’s chair.

Sitting down, Wrecker seemed much less physically imposing. He was an undeniably large man, but at least you were almost the same height sitting down. Well, sort of the same height. Okay, not really the same height at all, but closer than when you were both standing.

Wrecker sat extremely upright in his chair as he started to speak. “Okay, now that they’re finally gone, I wanted to ask: would you maybe think about having dinner with me tonight? Here? I’ll get rid of the guys and we can have anything you want and I already cleaned just in case you said yes, but if you say yes, I’ll clean again just to make sure it’s really clean-”

“Wrecker!” you said laughingly, holding up your hands as if to stifle the stream of words. “I would be glad to have dinner with you. Thank you for asking me. It already looks clean in here, so please don’t feel like you need to go to any trouble.”

“That’s great!” Wrecker enthused after he had sat staring at you for a solid 20 seconds. He opened his arms. “Hug?”

“I’d love one, thanks,” you accepted gratefully, sliding forward until you left your chair.

Wrecker didn’t even give you a chance to stand all the way before he had wrapped you in another warm, squeezing embrace. You returned it as well as you could, but he pulled back sooner than he had the night before. You raised a curious eyebrow at him, but Wrecker gently disentangled himself from you and settled you back on your own seat.

“Actually, I have something else I need to say, and you need to be over there so you can be comfortable.” You raised both eyebrows at that, as well as at the sincere expression on Wrecker’s scarred face.

He avoided your eyes, but said it anyway: “I want to be more than friends. I… like you, but more than that. You know? Maybe you don’t. But I just wanted to make sure you knew that I would be happy to be your friend. If all you want is to be my friend, I think that’s great and I’m excited to be part of your new family here. Ugh, I’m messing this all up…”

You moved closer again, grabbing Wrecker’s hand as you did. “Wrecker, I’m glad you like me as more than a friend. It’s- That’s how I feel about you, too.”

“Really?” Wrecker breathed, definitely the quietest tone you had ever heard him use.

His eyes were lit up with hope and you smiled as you confirmed, “Really. But I haven’t dated a lot of people and I get the feeling it might be the same for you? So maybe we should take things slow.”

“That sounds amazing,” Wrecker agreed. “So should we reschedule dinner for another time?”

You smiled softly, hoping it didn’t come off condescending. “We don’t need to move that slowly, not if you’re comfortable with us having dinner together. I would like for us to be friends, too.”

“So it’s okay if I do this?” Wrecker asked, pulling your linked hands up to brush a kiss on the back of your hand.

It was such a simple, innocent gesture, but you had to fight a blush as you nodded. “It’s definitely okay if you do that.”

The pair of you grinned at each other like fools for an embarrassingly long time before you remembered a line you should draw. “Just please don’t leave me alone with your brothers again. They’re terrifying when they’re trying to look out for you.”

“I promise,” Wrecker said sincerely. “Though they like you, if that helps.”

“Thank goodness for that,” you murmured, glancing through the Marauder’s viewport to find Hunter, Tech, and Crosshair watching the two of you with knowing smirks.

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A/N - All of the stuff about Bespin was invented by me. I know it's not correct, but it was fun to write and I have no regrets! Thanks for reading! Feel free to check out other works on my masterlist or make a request!

#star wars #star wars the clone wars #star wars the bad batch #star wars fanfiction #wrecker #hunter #crosshair #tech #bad batch wrecker #bad batch hunter #bad batch crosshair #bad batch tech #star wars fic #wrecker x reader #wrecker x you

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arvandus · 4 years ago

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Touch (pt 4)

Pairing: Dabi x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: 18+ only please! Drug abuse/withdrawal, adult language/themes, heavy angst, past trauma/abuse, anxiety/panic attacks, PTSD, fluff, pining, slow burn, eventual emotional SMUT. *please pay attention to the chapter tags as these warnings will apply at different times*

Synopsis: When you first joined the LOV to lend your healing quirk, Dabi terrified you. Not interested in attachments, he wanted to keep it that way. That is, until he needs your help. (Slow burn, soft Dabi).

Please let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters.

Recommended Chapter Song:

Bloodstream by Stateless

Part 1 Part 3

Artwork credit to @hellowon31 on Twitter (https://twitter.com/hellowon31)

Part 4 - Wounded

Later that day, while Dabi sat in his room nursing his migraine and checking his phone for a response from Giran, he heard a quiet knock at his door and the sound of footsteps fading away. He opened the door and found a white takeout bag.

Curiously, he picked up the item and looked inside to see tonkatsu ramen and a pair of chopsticks with some napkins, along with another bottle of water for good measure. He scoffed.

You brought him ramen.

Not one to turn away free food, Dabi brought the item into the solitude of his room and removed the lid. The smell hit his nose and he inhaled deeply. He hadn’t eaten anything all day, locking himself in his room to avoid the others while his persistent nausea made all foods sound unappealing. He drank water from the tap when he felt like he needed it, ironically hearing your scolding in his head each time he did so. His head and body aches were definitely reduced, but his mind felt off, different. He was grateful Shigaraki hadn’t given him any assignments today. He’d probably just incinerate anyone he came across, starting with Crusty Hands himself.

As Dabi ate, he mulled over his situation. Having to request your help for his burn was bad enough. But letting you see him like this? Broken by the weight of his addiction? It left a sour taste in his mouth, hampering his enjoyment of his noodles.

He didn’t have much choice – he knew he needed your medical care, so turning you away wasn’t really an option. Risking infection would only make a bad situation worse, and it was impeding his ability to get back to work. He hated being stuck in here, alone with his thoughts. So, when he let you in earlier, he had hoped you’d patch him up and leave, his hostile mood and harsh words a muzzle for any questions you may have felt tempted to ask.

Dabi should have known better. Now you were involved in supplying and managing his medication – something he would have never asked for. Against his better judgment, you managed to entwine yourself deeper into his life, even if it was for just a short time. How was it that he kept losing control of the situation?

It was your fault. It had to be. You had managed to navigate him like charted waters even though he never gave you a map. In hindsight, Dabi was honestly impressed; he knew he wasn’t an easy person to get along with, especially when he was in such a dark place.

Then again, maybe he did withhold some of his cruelty, despite how horrible he was feeling earlier. He knew he could get downright nasty when he really wanted to, his words honed to kill. If he truly hadn’t wanted you here, then things would have gone very differently. That thought was even more disconcerting – that for some reason, he felt the need to behave himself around you in some unspoken desire to keep you around.

It must have been the desperation. That was it. Maybe he was hoping that if he stayed in your good graces, that you’d use your quirk on him and free him from his misery. Even now Dabi wanted to feel your hands on him again, to feel your power seep like a mist into all of the dark parts of him. The more you touched him, the harder it was for him to get the sensation of you off his skin and out of his head. Maybe he really was becoming addicted to you. Why else would he have even let you in? Why else would he have let you stay?

He recalled you reaching out your hand at one point as if to touch him and it had made his pulse race with anticipation as he pretended not to notice. But you had changed your mind and Dabi was left with heavy disappointment, as he tried to understand why. Did you have fears of your own? Of getting too close to him? If you were smart, you would trust those instincts.

Maybe he should reach out to his villain connections to find someone with a healing quirk. It’d expedite his recovery and reduce his exposure to you. It wasn’t cheap, though… healing quirks cost a pretty penny in the underground. They were rare enough to come by in hero society and even more so in the villain network. Not many healers followed a life of crime – they naturally lacked a propensity for violence that the lifestyle required. Even if a healer could be found, could he afford it? Probably not.

Plus, there was the fact that he wasn’t much loved, even by the dredges of society. He had built a reputation for himself, long before he crossed paths with Shigaraki. He had no patience for stupid people with nothing but shortsightedness and lustful violence to offer, which turned out to be nearly everyone. His list of those willing to work with him was unsurprisingly short.

Dabi downed the warm, salty broth and set the container down to stare at the last bits of seasoning stuck to the inside, trying to read his future like tea leaves. They provided no answers, of course.

“Fuck.” He muttered.

Dabi’s troubled thoughts were interrupted by a ‘ding’ on his phone. His hand betrayed his composure, snatching the technology up swiftly.

It was a text message from Giran. Fucking finally. Maybe the universe wasn’t so fucked up after all.

Dabi’s eyes glossed over the words quickly, his mouth setting into a thin line. Giran had a seller he could hook him up with, but it would cost him, of course. And the worst part was that Dabi would have to wait. Giran was out of town and wouldn’t be back for at least a week.

Until then, Dabi was at your mercy. Luckily for him, mercy was something you had in ample supply. If only it wasn’t wrapped nicely in a pretty face and an addictive touch.

It looked like the universe wasn’t done fucking with him.

By the time evening rolled around, the pills you had given him were already beginning to wear off. Dabi expected as much. So, when you knocked on his door to change his bandages and check on him, he couldn’t help but breathe a small, secret sigh of relief. If he was stuck with you for the next couple of weeks, then he might as well take whatever help he could to make himself a functioning human being. He could hold out until then.

When he opened the door for you, you greeted him with a smile that immediately made him question his resolve. Were you happy to see him? Fucking why?

You watched him closely, trying to look for a healthy color on his cheeks, and happily noted the empty food container still sitting on his desk. It was an impromptu decision on your part – you were out getting food for yourself, and his words had echoed back in your head. It had sounded good at the time and buying for two was just as easy as buying for one. Plus, you had a feeling he hadn’t left his room all day, and you didn’t recall seeing a mini fridge in it.

Dabi noticed your happy glow and followed your gaze to see what you were looking at. He rolled his eyes when he realized. He probably should have said thank you once he noticed. That was what normal people did, at least. But he didn’t want to draw attention to it.

You began your typical round of questions. “How are you feeling?” you asked.

“I’m gonna need more of those pills.” Dabi replied as he removed his shirt for you. The one light in his room was already too bright for him. Behind him, he could hear the drip drip of his bathroom faucet, each ping on the porcelain like a hammer behind his eyes. At least it was evening now, which meant he could open his window to the cold night air to counter his elevated body heat.

You had begun unpacking the supplies you needed to treat him but paused to turn and look at him with wide eyes. “Really??” you asked in disbelief. “I just gave you some this morning.”

“What can I say, doll. They took the edge off for a bit, but that’s about it.” He replied with a shrug.

You pursed your lips in thought as you eyed the man in front of you. He didn’t seem as bad as this morning, thankfully. But you could tell he still wasn’t his usual self. You doubted that any amount of pills you gave him would fix him entirely, though. No doubt his body was feeling the effects of switching to something different after what was probably years of use. Most importantly, the pills you had on hand simply weren’t as strong as what he normally took.

You had considered this, of course. In fact, much of your day was spent trying to figure out your next course of action for Dabi. He was a League member after all, so if he couldn’t function for some reason or another then he technically fell under your responsibility. He needed to get back onto what he was taking before. Fortunately for him, your own connection was incredibly reliable and had better access to medical supplies than most. It just so happened they would be able to get the same medications he was taking. The downside was that it would take a little bit of time – there was a lot of fake paperwork to create in order to get access, since it was a high-class opioid. Until then, you had to keep him above water.

“Fine,” you said begrudgingly. “I’ll give you a few more.” You took the bottle out of your bag and handed him three pills, hoping they would get him through the night at least. He took them from your hand, the heat of his fingers against your palm lingering like the kiss of sunlight on a leaf. You froze for a moment at the sensation, before realizing that you were standing there with your empty hand out. You took your hand away, embarrassed. You probably looked like an idiot…

You pushed on, ignoring your overly critical brain. “Please try to wait it out as much as you can before you take-”

Your words were cut short as you watched Dabi down the pills dry, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. He caught your eyes in his own with a challenging, mischievous glow swimming in their cerulean depths.

You frowned at him. “You’re ridiculous.” You huffed. “You might want to try stretching those out a bit more. If I run out, you’ll be up shit creek.”

Dabi grinned. “Don’t worry, doll. I got a hold of my middleman earlier. He’ll be hooking me up in a week, then I can pay you back.”

You were stunned by his offer to reimburse you. You felt strangely… appreciated?

But damn it – he was too efficient for his own good. You hadn’t expected him to find a replacement so fast. Suddenly, you began to second guess your actions. Maybe you should have checked with him first…

Anxiety crept in like a fog. Would he be mad that you took matters into your own hands? Half-truths fell from your mouth while your mind struggled to reach a decision.

“Oh, um… it’s okay. I already put a request in for more of these since I figured I’d be treating you for a bit. I know they’re not as good as yours, but they’re better than nothing. They’ll be available for pick-up in a few days.”

Now it was Dabi’s turn to be surprised.

“You didn’t have to do that.” He said as he looked away from you. It was the first time he’d ever broken his gaze with you first.

“Well, I didn’t know how long you’d need my help with this, and I didn’t want you to suffer.” You said. You noticed his sudden avoidance and guilt filled you. Did he feel ashamed? Humiliated? Did you wound his pride somehow? You didn’t even tell him all the facts, yet…

You bit your lip nervously, and an awkward silence begin to make its way through the room. Dabi picked up on it immediately, of course.

He looked back at you, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. “What?”

“Um, well… I didn’t just get more of these pills.” You explained. “I talked to my supplier and was able to put in a request for the ones you were taking too. But they’re harder to get, so it might take longer before they’re available.”

“What?” Dabi repeated, his surprise deepening. His blue eyes widened slightly. This was so much more than he had ever expected from you and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. Annoyed? Flattered? Embarrassed? Dabi never felt embarrassed. Then again, he’d never had someone look out for him the way you did these past couple of days. There had to be a catch. Did you want something from him? What could he possibly offer you?

“Why would you do that?” he asked, his words laced with mistrust.

You fidgeted with your fingers, drawing your thumb nail along underneath your index finger. His presence seemed to fill the room. Something about the tension in his body and the wariness of his tone reminded you of a wounded animal, ready to bite. You wanted to choose your words carefully, to put the man in front of you at ease.

Instead, the words fell out of your mouth in a rambling mess.

“Well, I knew these weren’t really going to be sufficient for you.” You looked up at him. “And I told you I wanted to make sure you were getting your medication from somewhere reliable. Besides, this way it’s covered by the League instead of you paying out of your own pocket.”

You shifted your weight slightly, unsure if you should say anything else while he continued to pierce your soul with his sharp gaze, trapping you like a spider in a web. Oh shit, was he mad? He seemed mad. Maybe? Why the hell was he staring at you like that? Why wasn’t he saying anything??

Maybe you made a mistake.

Finally, you couldn’t handle the tension anymore and worked out an apology through your clumsy lips. “I-I’m sorry, I should have checked with you first. It’s just, I had to get in my medical order today, and I didn’t want to bother you earlier.”

Dabi broke his hold on you with a blink. “Wait. So Crusty Hands is paying for my drugs?”

“Yeah, I guess.” You replied with a shrug. “He has Kurogiri give me an allowance and I decide how I want to spend it.”

A chuckle escaped Dabi’s lips. “That’s fucking great. I bet he’d lose his shit if he found out.”

You secretly released the breath you were holding as your tension left your shoulders. “Well, he shouldn’t find out. Your pills are expensive.”

“Oh, he’s definitely gonna find out.” Dabi grinned. “I can’t not rub it in his face.”

You scoffed and crossed your arms. “Are you trying to get me dusted?”

Dabi’s grin froze for a moment as he stared at you, mirth in his eyes. “He won’t dust you, doll. You’re too valuable.”

You stared back at him, skepticism written all over your face. “Yeah, well that nice budget he gives me helps me stay valuable. So, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep your smart mouth shut.”

“It’s cute that you think you can boss me around. If you’re gonna make me keep secrets, then you better make it worth my while.” Dabi leered.

“Worth your while?” you echoed, confusion in your eyes. All your mind could conjure in that moment were impure ways to silence that attractive mouth of his and you were pretty sure that wasn’t what he meant. Your mind got increasingly distracted as you wondered what kissing him would feel like, with his different textured lips and the rings on the corners of his mouth.

Goddamn it.

Dabi’s deep voice pulled you back to the present.

“Don’t act coy with me, doll.” Dabi replied casually. “You think you know me so well, you’re making all my choices for me now. What do you think I want?”

A moment ago, he seemed low energy due to his withdrawal, barely holding onto his sanity out of courtesy of your presence. Now, all of a sudden, he was dripping with what you could only describe as sex appeal. He’d completely pulled the rug out from under you with his sinuous words wrapped nicely in a heavy drawl. His body leaned into your personal space just enough to make you lean away slightly, even though your body wanted you to go in the opposite direction, to meet him move for move, like a puppet on strings. If only his hands could caress you the way his voice did, then maybe you wouldn’t feel so tense... Rational thought abandoned you as you struggled to pick up the broken pieces of your façade while your imagination ran with the freedom of a wild horse.

Dabi watched your blank expression in amusement, enjoying having the upper hand. You looked downright terrified. What was going on in that pretty little head of yours? If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought you were going down a naughty rabbit hole. But Dabi scratched that theory – he wasn’t the type of guy girls fantasized about… right?

He watched as you faltered between your secret thoughts and your defensive words. “Don’t hurt yourself, sweetheart.” He teased. “I thought you were the expert? You’re always so smart with all the answers.”

“Wha-” you stammered. “Shut up, Dabi.”

“Just give me a few more of those pills for later and I’ll be silent as the grave.”

“Is that what this is about?” You pushed your hands against his bare chest, and he let you, backing out of your personal space just enough to let you breathe. “You’re ridiculous.”

“What did you think I meant?” Dabi grinned.

“Nothing.” You huffed. “Stop trying to get under my skin.”

“Stop letting me.” he countered. “I thought you were a professional? Do you get this flustered with everyone? Or maybe we got somethin’ special, doll.” Dabi knew he was pushing it, but the moment was too fun not to, your flustered reactions spurring him on. The more you gave, the more he wanted to take. Normally, gals didn’t let him get this far…

“Why are you like this.” You grumbled in annoyance.

“‘cause you seem to like it.” Dabi stared down at you. Were you gradually getting closer to him or was it his imagination?

“You wish,” you replied, denial thickening your tone into barbs. You tilted your chin up defiantly. “Maybe you’re the one who likes it.”

Dabi laughed. If you wanted to play with fangs out, then he’d play along.

“Don’t think too highly of yourself, doll. You’re not my type.” He mocked.

You stared at him, dumbfounded, his words cutting you before you could even understand why. Perhaps it was the attack on your self-esteem, or his blatant declaration that he had no interest in you. Just like that, the heat of the moment turned to ice, your eyes betraying your hurt before you could mask it behind detached anger.

Dabi faltered in his assault; he hadn’t expected the words to have such an effect on you. If anything, he expected you to provide a sarcastic agreement about him not being your type either, or you not wanting to be his type, or something along those lines. He expected you to be annoyed, yes. Mildly insulted, sure.

He did not expect you to see you so wounded.

Your lips pressed firm together as you took a steady breath through your nose to keep your eyes from suddenly watering by the slap of emotion that threatened to drown you.

“Yeah, well you’re not exactly a catch yourself.” You replied coldly. Whether or not your words mattered to him, you had no idea. His face was an emotionless mask as he straightened his back and retreated from what was left of your personal space.

If he was going to say anything in response, you didn’t give him a chance. You lowered your eyes to the level of his bare chest which now seemed impossibly far from you even though you had touched its warmth only moments before.

“Turn around so I can finish. I have to go check on Magne after this.” You said emotionlessly. It was the first time he’d ever truly heard you speak like that, and he quickly decided that he didn’t like it.

You finished hastily without any further conversation and left with a curt “goodnight,” before Dabi could finish putting his shirt back on over his head.

After you had gone, Dabi stared at the door for a moment, before he sat on the edge of his bed and ran his long fingers through his black hair. He wanted to ignore it and forget it; it wasn’t supposed to matter. But, alone in his solitude, his mind replayed the moment over and over for him, unrelentingly, until understanding slowly came. The stubborn seed of realization forced its way through his deeply rooted denial, his conviction not enough to refute what he plainly saw. Your small gestures of kindness, your excessive commitment to care for him, the way you smiled at him when you saw him… your wounded expression at his callous words.

Did you like him?

“Fuck.” He muttered. ___________________________________________________________

Part 5

___________________________________________________________

Taglist: @lemonfvck @vs-redemption @inanabsentia @sheedaabee @toshiuwuu @marydragneell @chillinwithmybakubros @genuinelytodorokisbitch @sam-i-am-1025 @redflannel @axerrri @necccomancy @miadraws0 @hot-pocket01 @hopelessdisasterr @dummythiccwitch @villainsdeku @aquzairus @officialtrashbusiness @hemdem018 @purplesweethart

#dabi #dabi x reader #dabi x you #dabi x y/n #soft dabi #Dabi fanfic #bnha #mha #mha imagine #bnha imagine #fluff #slow burn #pining #intimacy #long talks #dabi is a todoroki #dabi is touya #touya todoroki

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alarriefantasy · 4 years ago

Note

Hi! I hope you are having a good day so far! Do you have some fics you can recommend where one of them is a photographer? It’s a bonus if there’s smut but it’s not a must :D thank you so much! <3

Here you go, darling! I hope you’re having a good day too by the way!

Photography Fics

Omega Shoe Repair by musketrois (B_kate)

Words: 6k

“Can I help you with anything?” The worker asked.

Heat spread across Harry’s cheeks as he realized he had been silently staring.

“Yes!” Harry scrambled to find the words he needed when all he wanted to do was continue admiring his surroundings, the man included.

The man’s smile didn’t falter as Harry gathered himself, continuing, “I had some questions.”

Harry walked closer and placed his warm hands on the edge of the counter. “My favorite pair of boots need resoled but I wanted to check if you’d be willing to do that for me.”

or Harry needs to get his favorite pair of boots fixed.

I Long For You by PinkSeelie

Words: 6k

(Harry gets hit in the head by various objects and falls for a boy with blue eyes.)

Don't Unplug Me Or Shut Me Down by slashter

Words: 7k

Basically, Louis is a self-proclaimed nerd who fixes things and Harry seems too perfect to keep breaking as many things as he does.

Roses Are Red by underthesunlight

Words: 8k

or the one where Harry dreams about writing and Louis is just out there, wearing flower-crowns and being awfully inspiring.

say that you can see me (i'll speak up i swear) by coffeelouis (streamtpwk)

Words: 20k

[or, the liberal arts COLLEGE AU where Harry knows Louis as the best friend of the boy he has been hopelessly in love with for years now and Louis knows Harry as the boy he wished would look away from Zayn long enough to notice him.]

We keep this love in a photograph. by saccharinesea

Words: 22k

When 23-year-old Louis finally finds a job as a photographer for the new Burberry charity fashion campaign after the roughest year of his life, he feels like his life has a meaning again.

When America's sweetheart Harry Styles understands that he needs to clear his image after scandalous pictures involving drugs, male strippers and radio host Nick Grimshaw, he will do anything to start from scratch.

Whipped Cream by writingstylinson

Words: 24k

[Harry is a deaf photographer in charge of taking Lottie's wedding pictures. Louis is determined for Harry to be his plus one.]

hit me with your sweet love, steal me with a kiss by icedwaters

Words: 27k

(or louis is a 22 year old photographer in his third year of uni, and harry is his 19 year old cat-loving neighbor.)

blind from this sweet, sweet craving by missandrogyny

Words: 31k

There are definitely worse ways to spend the weekend than pretending to be engaged to his best friend.

You're the Light by allwaswell16

Words: 31k

Before beginning a new graduate school in the fall, Louis Tomlinson decides to spend the summer working in Chicago as an editor’s assistant for the Chicago Tribune newspaper and staying with his old college roommate. What he finds on his first day of work is a tall, gorgeous editor named Harry who has the most beautiful green eyes he’s ever seen—and who also happens to be his new boss.

feels like home to me by tippytoetomlinstyles

Words: 34k

or the one where Harry is the quarterback who wants to be a photographer, Louis is the piano prodigy who like being a wallflower, and it's a roller coaster of a life but they're along for the ride.

Just Breathe by LittleLostPieces

Words: 35k

As a photographer, 18-year-old Harry loves a good snapshot, a well-preserved moment in time. He also likes kids an awful lot, has always wanted to raise a family with a loving and supportive partner of his own. Meeting Louis, a 25-year-old father of two, after a night out seems like the perfect realization of all of Harry's dreams really.

Louis, however, knows that one photograph can't begin to tell an accurate story of parenthood, of the joys and challenges of constantly living with wonderful, yet sometimes incredibly odd and frustrating, little humans. He's already had a partner who couldn't handle the pressures, one who left Louis with a mountain of doubt that anyone else will ever want to join his cracked family.

Falling in love is as easy as releasing the shutter. Developing the entire picture may take a little more time and effort than either of them expected.

I Would Take a Whisper (If That's All You Had To Give) by FallingLikeThis

Words: 40k

Louis is a photographer. Harry is a boy who wears flower crowns. Sounds like a match made in heaven, right? Louis thinks so, too. Unfortunately, Harry has a boyfriend. Can Louis steal his heart despite the fact that it's already supposed to be taken?

Hidden Gardens by pinky_heaven19

Words: 41k

OR the one where Louis owns a pub and Harry is a photographer who needs his help for a project. Louis is grumpy, Harry is not. Louis has a secret. There is some pining and a lot of fluff.

We'll Be Seamless by dinosaursmate

Words: 52k

Louis spends all his spare time scrolling arty nude blogs on Tumblr but amongst them all, Green is his favourite.

baby we could be enough (i'll make this feel like home) by orphan_account

Words: 52k

[harry is a photographer who's trying to find his place. louis is a single father with a smile that feels like home.]

Every Story Has Its Scars, Ours Is a Brand New Start by Rearviewdreamer

Words: 62k

Life as a devoted husband and an amazing father turned out to be a little different than Louis had expected. Everyone tells him it doesn't have to be that way; that he's worth more and that he's so much stronger than any one person trying to keep him down. It's all just words though until he meets the one person who makes him truly believe it.

Picking Up The Pieces by Halos_Boat

Words: 72k

Harry just signed his second set of divorce papers. He felt like his life was over, like he had nothing left.

Then he meets Louis.

to lure a hummingbird (you had me moonstruck) by brokenbeaks

Words: 81k

Or: An enemies-to-lovers fic where Harry and Louis are neighbours who are forced to get along due to the inconvenience (or convenience) of a broken lift.

Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow by 1Diamondinthesun

Words: 84k

Harry spends most of his time in an empty house or a lonely darkroom, dreaming of leaving his small town for art school. He's invisible to most people. And then Louis Tomlinson sees him. Life will never be the same.

Or, the American high school AU loosely inspired by She's All That.

Where You Lay by HamPalpert

Words: 86k

When Louis's upcoming heat threatens his success at his new dream job, he asks the best (and only) person he can think of to help him through it: his best mates' best mate, Harry Styles. Harry reluctantly accepts, and together the two navigate a strange friends with benefits relationship that quickly turns complicated.

Through Eerie Chaos by MediaWhore

Words: 102k

The Ghost Hunter AU where Niall lives to prove ghosts are real, Zayn is a skeptical librarian and Harry gets caught up in a century-old mystery and catches feeling in the process.

We The Fireworks by happilylarreh (AfterJenny)

Words: 103k

The AU where Louis needs saving and Harry wants to save him but doesn’t want to admit that maybe he needs saving a little bit too.

Now In A Minute by thealmightyavocado

Words: 150k

Or the 13 going on 30 au that should have been done years ago.

He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth by MrsStylinson

Words: 290k

When Louis moves into the flat next to Harry's, neither of them thinks it will change their lives. Louis is stuck in a relationship with his controlling and overly possessive boyfriend who he loves too much to break up with. Harry is content, seeking refuge from the snobby world he grew up in and forging a new path for himself. He does happen to have a habit of wanting to fix people though and when he meets Louis, the gorgeous man with a prat of a boyfriend, he finds himself trying to do just that. While Harry tries to avoid getting tangled in a messy situation, Louis tries to deny that there's a niggling voice in the back of his head that prefers Harry to his own boyfriend. While both determinedly refuse to let change come, they fail to notice that exact force wrapping around them and pulling them tighter together until there just might be no escape from the feelings brewing within.

♡ credit to the owner of the manip

♡ past themed recs here

#ask

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theawkwardterrier · 4 years ago

Text

and the last age should show your heart

Summary: In which a recovered Kate is ready to settle into normal married life; her husband makes things difficult; and challenging each other does not stop with the wedding.

Read on AO3

Although he could clearly see the progress of her recovery himself, Anthony insisted on having her examined several times over by the most reputable medical men in London in order to ascertain that she was truly through with her convalescence. Kate bore this first with amusement, then with impatience, and finally with distinct ill humor.

“I do it only out of concern for you,” he emphasized the afternoon he informed her that he had made another appointment (the fifth) for tomorrow. “It’s clear that your leg can bear weight well enough, but always best to be thorough. Were we to have an incomplete understanding of the healing process and thus allow further injury, I should never forgive myself.”

Once, some version of herself would have softened at such an expression of attentiveness from him. An even earlier one than that would have been astonished that anyone except Mary or Edwina would ever have so concerned themself with her at all. Those versions, however, had been allowed the freedom not only of all the floors of the house but of the glorious outdoors as well without an overly bothersome husband admonishing at every turn to take care.

This Kate, a veteran now after months of marriage - too much of that time spent indoors if not in bed - said testily, “Then it sounds as if your concern is truly for yourself, although it is I who has found herself most inconvenienced. In fact, as you have barely believed me able to leave this bed, it strikes me that these last few months have been startlingly advantageous when it comes to indulging your more wicked tendencies - and you have little anxiety over my injured state then.”

She did not gesture to the rumpled sheets among which she sat, but he took her meaning well enough, fingers stilling on the cravat he had been retying after their (not quite) brief midday interlude together. “That is unfair, Kate,” he said, ironclad voice masking what she suspected to be actual hurt, although she did not know whether it stemmed from the insinuation that he preferred her without independence, kept captive to his whims, or that he cared little for her comfort or enjoyment when in their bed.

Neither was true, so she allowed herself only another moment of stewing before she forced her eyes to his and said, “I know. I apologize.”

“Excellent.” He finished the knot and turned to check it in the glass, face smoothed cheerful once again. “Then Mr. Josephs and I shall see you tomorrow at half three.”

She cut her growl short, merely seething as he placed a kiss on her forehead and took his leave. (Even as she fumed, she could appreciate that he held back the urge to whistle as he did so. Just as she could appreciate that whichever tailor had cut his breeches was most certainly not paid handsomely enough for it.)

They had a perfectly civil meal together that evening, and a night which one would not precisely call civil but which was certainly enjoyable all the same, and when they laughed together over breakfast, Kate felt them thawing back to their particular normalcy. However, when Mr. Josephs failed to impress as he allowed himself to be forced to stay a mere hour before declaring Kate fully healed and Anthony tried to insist on a sixth visit, she put her foot down, literally and hard and atop his. He was quite lucky that she no longer had need of a walking stick or he would have had that to contend with as well.

“No!” The word came out nearly as a snarl. “I am sorry, but regardless of your misplaced concerns, regardless of your overprotective nature, regardless of whether I fall down a dozen times in the doing of it, tomorrow I am going to put on a dress and style my hair and take tea with your mother.”

“You could—”

“At her home,” she said, and this time, even spacing and perfectly bitten off enunciation and all, it was most definitely a snarl.

All of the Bridgertons had been excellent company during her recuperation - despite his considerable efforts, Anthony could not keep her confined entirely to bed, and she was able to venture downstairs to host various pairs and groups of them over the past months even when she was not receiving most callers. Their frequent visits provided significant entertainment and what Kate only half jestingly referred to as “dispatches from the outside world.” As such, she was comfortable in the drawing room at Bridgerton House even as tea with her mother-in-law expanded to include all three of her older sisters-in-law and Daphne’s infant daughter Amelia.

In fact, she was feeling more than comfortable, she was feeling rather splendid, having the chance to be out somewhere, stretching her limbs and speaking with people, even in such a small and familiar setting. While she was aware that one day this would be her home rather than Violet’s, an idea which still intimidated her, right now it was simply somewhere different from the house where she had been trapped for months and wonderful for it.

A good quarter hour had been spent admiring each facet of Amelia as she slept in her mother’s arms, and even that was wonderful. Kate could not keep her eyes from the baby’s fingers. How tiny they were! She could hardly understand how Daphne could sit so serenely when they looked delicate enough to break at a touch. It struck her that sometime soon she might have her own child with infinitely breakable fingers for whom she would have to care; even with her injury, she and Anthony had not been doing very much to prevent such an occurrence. One might say the opposite, in fact…

She drew her mind quickly from thoughts of her husband before a blush could overcome her face, and listened instead to Violet recounting the latest trials through which Hyacinth was putting her governess. The dowager viscountess sighed at the appropriate places and her tone was all motherly despair, but Kate detected a slight smile at the corners of her mouth. Kate herself was attempting to cover a laugh by holding her cup to her mouth, hoping that none of the others would notice that she had allegedly been sipping tea for nearly a full minute.

“Would you like some more, Kate? Or perhaps a biscuit to accompany? You seem to have quite the craving for tea today.” Eloise was unfortunately too astute for either her own good or Kate’s.

“Oh, I really—”

“I would quite enjoy tea and biscuits. Thank you for offering.”

Kate’s cup came down hard onto her saucer, mirth transformed into confused suspicion. “Anthony? I had thought you were spending the day on some business with Lord Ellsworth.”

“Ah yes,” he said, literally waving a hand through the air as he walked further into the room toward them all, his brother Benedict following behind. “We concluded earlier than expected, but he mentioned something which put me in mind of some papers which I realized are in the desk in my study here.”

“Where they remain even now, despite how imperative it was that we come find them at once,” Benedict murmured. Kate had noticed that while he did not quite have Anthony’s ready control of a room or Colin’s easy charm, he was still as witty as the rest of his family, simply a bit less loud about it, particularly in company. Although not, she thought, quiet enough, based on the glare his older brother cut his way; Benedict ignored it easily, placing both hands on his mother’s shoulders from behind and bending to kiss her cheek.

Anthony, meanwhile, gave up on his brother and moved onto pestering his sister. Well, not pestering, precisely. He merely hovered implacably over the place where Francesca sat beside Kate, and his patience was rewarded when she sighed and stood so he could take her seat.

“Don’t let him bully you so,” cried Eloise.

Francesca shrugged her slim shoulders as she moved to sit at the pianoforte instead. “I don’t mind. He wants to sit beside his wife. I think it’s quite sweet, actually. Very romantic.”

“See, I’m romantic,” Anthony said, leaning over to speak softly to Kate, although he barely needed to move to do so. By her measurement, if he intended to sit this close, Francesca could well have stayed put.

“Romantic is not precisely how I would put it.”

“How would you prefer to phrase it? Charming? Besotted? A steadfast and wonderful husband?”

“Trying,” she offered through gritted teeth. “Difficult. Unnecessarily meddlesome.” She considered moving into the bit of empty space remaining on her other side, but she knew that he would only move closer, and besides, it was actually quite comfortable to feel him pressed warmly against her. Still, she gathered her irritation as she added, “I truly don’t know what you expected us to be doing in your mother’s drawing room in the middle of the afternoon which would necessitate you coming to inspect—Anthony, are you listening to me?”

“Are you certain you would not like a footstool?” he asked, ignoring her entirely in favor of frowning down at her leg, covered as it was by the fabric of her dress. “No one would object if you needed to prop your leg. It’s only family after all, and everyone wishes you to be comfortable.”

Despite it all she felt herself softening at that. “My leg is fine,” she said, tone easing like a kite when the wind slows. “But thank you for being so considerate.” And then, because she truly could not resist, she added, “In fact, it seems that all the recommendations regarding moderate activity and returning to a regular routine are doing me a world of good.”

And likely because he could not resist either, he responded, “What seems good today might turn regrettable tomorrow. Only remember then that there is no shame in admitting that you have overexerted yourself and will be more comfortable at home.” A look of nobility which undoubtedly hid a smirk came across his face. “I shall certainly not preen about it should I turn out to be right.”

She spluttered, then glared, forgetting that they were visiting, that they were surrounded by other people. Anthony had always been able to vex her into forgetting herself. “You will not be right, but for taking that tone, I am going to have Cook prepare tripe and boiled turnips every day for the next week.”

“She was my cook first,” Anthony protested, likely turned a bit childish by the thought of such fare. Kate didn’t disagree; she would need to have an alternative menu prepared for herself if she indeed made good on her threat.

“Yes, well, she likes me better.”

“She does n—”

“Your tea, Anthony.”

Violet’s pointed voice startled Kate back to awareness. Judging from the looks the rest of the Bridgertons were giving them, ranging from Benedict’s vague amusement to Eloise’s relish to Francesca’s sympathy, Kate guessed that it was not the first time her mother-in-law had attempted to draw her husband’s attention to the cup she was extending to him. Anthony, clearly better practiced at glossing over such moments, merely took his tea and sipped at it politely.

“Delicious as always, Mother,” he said, all correctness. “I’m so very glad we were both able to join you this afternoon.”

Kate narrowed her eyes, and she would have kicked him would it not have been too obvious. As it was, she simply said, “Oh, yes, it has been absolutely lovely,” and decided that she would take him further to task when they returned home.

“Well, marriage does seem to have some practicalities to recommend it if nothing else,” Penelope commented as she and Kate walked down the street to the subscription library of which they were both members. The weather had shifted from a damp gloom to an unseasonable brightness, and Kate took in the air, refreshingly cool but not chill, with relish. “Had we needed to wait for my mama or one of the maids, busy as they were assisting my sisters, we might have been forced to postpone our outing for another week at least.”

It did still surprise Kate that she was now considered a suitable chaperone - at this time last year, she would have expected herself quite a bit more likely to reach such a position simply due to age rather than via marriage. However, she knew well the desire to make one’s unwedded state a casual fact so as not to cause awkwardness for others, and she suspected that Penelope was attempting the same now.

Studiously not thinking of her argument and subsequent reconciliation with Anthony the previous night, Kate said lightly, “Yes, not needing to be accompanied everywhere is one aspect which I have found to be worthwhile,” but did not dwell further on the topic.

Nevertheless, it was clear that her marriage was on the minds of others. As Kate and Penelope entered the library, several of the other ladies inside glanced at them and then immediately began whispering to their companions. Kate was not conceited, but she had little hope that anything other than her arrival had caused the reaction: Penelope, already sliding away to examine the shelves, had managed to leave the house in a day dress of pretty pale blue muslin rather than one of her mother’s more noteworthy choices, and the tongues had scarcely ceased wagging over Kate’s hasty wedding to the very eligible Viscount Bridgerton before she had quite publicly broken her leg and all but disappeared for months.

She had some friends, and her family of course, but never having been among the fashionable set nor a particular standout in any way other than her plainness and relationship to Edwina, she was not exactly a known quantity among the ton. In a strange way, her unremarkableness had made her even more an object of fascination.

I am going to have to entertain sometime soon, she thought with dismay. Else I will never have anyone used to me.

But that would come sometime later. For now, she could simply browse the shelves in the hope of finding something new and diverting. She had already devoured Miss Austen’s latest, of course, and Mrs. Gorley’s work was not precisely to her tastes, but she did think she spied a copy of Walter Scott’s Waverley just there - it had been published months ago, but had been so popular that she hadn’t a chance to read it before now.

Elevating slightly up onto her toes, Kate reached for it, fingers grasping the spine and just beginning to pull the volume down when an altogether too familiar voice said, “Ah, I thought that was you, Kate. Here, allow me.”

Her husband’s hand, warm and broad, brushed beside hers and removed the book, bringing it down to a more comfortable height with a bow. She accepted the volume with a brief “Thank you,” glancing sharply around at everyone watching before she ground out in low tones, “You just happened to be passing, I assume?”

“Of course.” He was all innocence. “Quite the lucky coincidence, I would say.”

“Quite.” Her teeth were going to crumble in her mouth at this rate. She forced her jaw to relax and painted on a cheerful expression. “Well, thank you for the assistance. I shall see you this evening.”

“You are most welcome.” Tilting his head with the smile she was certain had charmed altogether too many women, he added, “But must I truly wait until this evening? Surely I could accompany you for the rest of your afternoon - I am already here after all, and have little else to occupy myself.”

Hitching up her own smile even as she knew that it would do nothing to deter the gossip she could fairly see floating around the two of them, she said, “I am afraid that I am already accompanied. See, Miss Featherington and I were so enjoying our time together.”

Penelope had been standing silently beside the adjoining bookshelf, clearly relying on the wisdom of animals and small children that if you stayed entirely still and quiet perhaps you would not be noticed. Her eyes widened fractionally as she realized that it had not worked and that she was in fact going to need to step over and be polite, but she did it anyway, curtsying to Anthony and greeting him. (Kate had noticed that for all of Penelope’s wallflower ways, that manner in which she, by preference or fate, tended to fade into the background, she had little trouble speaking with Anthony, intimidating as he was.)

“Wonderful to see you, Miss Featherington, as always,” he said, bowing in return. “How fortunate my wife is to have your company. I wonder if you would not mind allowing me to share in that pleasure as well?”

Had the situation been different, perhaps Kate would have sympathized with the way Penelope glanced hastily between the two of them, trying to conceal the vague panic on her face. She might have even found it amusing. As it was, she tried to communicate without words precisely how much she had been looking forward to some time without the presence of her intrusive husband.

“Well, this is meant to be the ladies’ library,” Penelope finally ventured and Kate fairly beamed.

Too soon, however. Anthony waved a hand. “Ah, do not concern yourself. I shall step out as you finish your browsing, and then we can all ride together in the park. After all, being in the barouche might offer a respite for my wife, given her injury. What a splendid idea, Miss Featherington.”

“Oh, but I—”

Penelope’s words seemed to dissolve in the air as Anthony gave another one of his charming smiles, bowed, and left, the door clicking quietly closed behind him.

“It is no matter,” Kate said before Penelope could add any sort of apology. “You did wonderfully - it is no fault of yours that he is so persistent.” She sighed. “The park will be lovely, I am sure. And I did manage to find a book before he arrived.” Turning her back on the onlookers still gawking at them, she added even more quietly, “Next time I shall simply neglect to share with him my plans for the day. He will not find me so easily then.”

Beginning to look just the slightest bit mischievous, Penelope asked, “Oh, but will he not simply begin to have you followed?”

Kate set her shoulders. “Then I shall at least lead him on a merry chase about London, and see how he enjoys that.”

“It was lovely of you to accompany me today, but may I say, Kate, how unkind you are to allow your sister to learn of your recent exploits only through Lady Whistledown.”

Edwina turned slowly on the spot to face Kate as the modiste pinned expertly at her hem. Her expression, once fully revealed, was far more playful than her disapproving tone had indicated. Kate wrinkled her nose at her, but her sister only laughed.

“The latest issue had much to say regarding the ongoing tension between yourself and your husband. The two of you are apparently engaged in ‘a battle of wits and wills.’”

“Wills and whims is perhaps more accurate.”

“Regardless, she seemed to find the affair most entertaining. Her description of the way you tried to ensure that he had an engagement for fencing with his brother while you paid calls, only to have him bring two brothers along to join you - the whole thing was quite amusing.” It truly was unfair how Edwina only looked lovelier when she put on that impish smile to tease Kate. “Considering how sharp her pen can be, it is remarkable how affectionate she remains toward the pair of you. I believe she is quite taken with you!”

“Yes, her devotion to the idea of our love match is quite remarkable.” Kate turned away to examine some ribbons, although she knew that it would not dissuade Edwina from continuing the conversation.

And indeed: “The idea of your love match?” She could practically hear the appearance of the frown. “Perhaps it was not immediate, but now...Kate, the two of you are quite mad for each other and I know you too well to be convinced otherwise.”

Kate thought of Anthony offering a dowry for Edwina, the comfort of his voice, his reliable presence during storms, the way he always made certain that his family and duties were entirely taken care of. She thought of him with his hair rumpled and boyish in the privacy of their home, how with a few words, a simple stroke of the hand, he could make her feel utterly beautiful, actually cherished in a way she never could have imagined for herself. She thought of all the times over the months of their marriage when they simply sat together, talking of events both large and inconsequential, how he listened to her opinions and how she liked to listen to his (even when they were quite clearly flawed), how she appreciated making him laugh such that the burden of his responsibilities weighed less if only for a short while. She pictured the glint in his eye as he tried to verbally best her and the one when he had decided that there had been enough words between them for the evening and he would prefer instead to rob her of the ability to speak.

She sighed. “You are not incorrect,” she said, twisting the end of a white satin ribbon so that it curled around the tip of her finger. “It is only that—I have found it surprisingly simple to be married to him, but there has been little chance for me to truly learn how to act in this new time of my life. I am a viscountess now, a wife, and I can scarcely settle into either role when I am constantly wondering when he will arrive to try to distract me from my tasks.”

“One might think that it would be easiest to learn how to be a wife when your husband is constantly beside you,” Edwina noted, although her voice was kind if not entirely filled with understanding. “However, of a more pressing nature: it seems that you need not wonder long today.”

Puzzled, Kate turned, the question of precisely what her sister was talking about already on her lips, but found that she did not need to give it voice. Through the large window in the front of the shop, it was easy to spot Anthony striding up the street, eyes fixed and grin wide.

“Allow me to guess,” Kate said as the door to the shop opened to admit him. She placed one hand on her hip, tapping her chin with the other in mock thought. “You bribed my maid into telling you where we had gone and then simply happened to be in the area?”

“Your mother told me where you were with no bribery involved,” he said cheerfully. “And it did in fact so happen that I too had business only on the next street. Now—” He glanced around at the modiste’s assistant, who had remained ducked into a curtsy at the sight of him. “Please fetch the viscountess a seat.”

“I have no need of a seat,” Kate protested.

“As we shall be going soon,” he nodded. “Very sensible of you. Once Edwina has finished, there is a new cake shop I am eager to try. I believe that they have a confection made with lemon syrup which will be much to your liking, Kate.”

His outward manner was one of simple, practiced courteousness. In reality, she knew that he was attempting once more to win his way, but she also saw the smile, which was honest and directed only at her.

“I suppose we may add such a venture to our plans,” she agreed with a sigh. If nothing else, she would at least get some cake from the arrangement.

“Not to credit myself exceedingly,” Colin said as he and Kate walked together from the drawing room at Bridgerton House. “But I daresay none of my siblings would have made quite so good a partner, so it really was a good showing on my part to introduce you to Anthony and facilitate your joining the family.” The two of them had been paired together during charades following supper, and it was no boast to say that they had absolutely trounced the others.

“Not to credit yourself exceedingly, of course,” Kate said dryly. “Particularly as that introduction was made more in the spirit of your own entertainment than it was in hopes of our future together.”

“Ah, Kate, what a blow.” He pressed a hand to his chest.

Her mouth twitched uncontrollably into a smile. “You do not deny it. I judge my aim to be true.”

“Well, I shall take the acclaim for your wedded bliss, regardless of my original intentions.”

“Yes,” she said. “Our bliss.” But her smile faded a bit and she knew that she saw.

“My brother continues to exasperate, I gather.”

“He would certainly say the same of you,” Kate said, trying to tease. It was true, but she also found that she did not particularly care for others speaking against her husband, even if they might be correct.

“Oh, he has called me much worse than exasperating. Indeed, I recall—”

“You recall what?”

Kate turned just in time to see Violet fall into step with them, smiling briefly at her daughter-in-law before she turned to her son and said keenly, “Well, what is it that you were speaking of?”

“Only the tendency of your eldest son to irritate those around him,” Colin replied smoothly. “Tell us, Mother, did his nature show while he was still in his swaddling clothes, or did it only reveal itself once he began speaking?”

“Oh, hush. He was perfect, as all my children were, you know that.” She swatted lightly at his arm, before dropping her voice and adding, “Although there are perhaps some stories I could tell…”

“I for one would enjoy hearing them,” Kate said.

“Of course you would.” Violet’s light tone shifted just the slightest bit as she added, “You know, I can certainly have a word with him if he truly is causing you trouble. A reminder of one of those stories might serve well as a warning.”

Kate glanced over her shoulder at where Anthony was coming down the hall behind them, listening intently to something that Gregory was saying even as Hyacinth bobbed at his elbow and tried to interrupt. He really would make a wonderful father someday; in certain ways, he had already been playing the part for years now. She sighed, her heart softening a bit once again, and turned back to her companions.

“Please, do not worry yourself. Truly, all is well between the two of us, and I can certainly manage the situation if need be.” She linked her arm through Violet’s, a devilish little smile touching at her lips. “However, knowing one or two of these famous stories of yours might not go amiss. They sound ever so fascinating, after all.”

“How kind of you to allow me the pleasure of a dance,” Anthony said as they waltzed together a week later at Lady Vincent’s. “I have noticed you are less than satisfied to see me of late.”

“I would be perfectly happy to see you if only you did not force me to do so quite as constantly,” Kate reminded him. “And if you continue chasing me down and making a nuisance of yourself, perhaps in future I shall dance with your brother instead. If he is not much more accomplished than you in that area, these days he at least strikes me as less vexatious.”

“Who, Benedict?” He snorted, looking to the edge of the floor where his brother was sipping extremely slowly from a glass of punch, likely to avoid his mother’s latest attempts at matchmaking. “You are misled.”

“A pity. Luckily, I was referring to Gregory.”

“I had not realized they allowed waltzing in the schoolroom.”

“Ah, well, I suppose I shall have to make do with you. Only pray remember even as I grant you that, it makes you not a jot less maddening.”

Her coiffeur for the evening involved cascading curls; they fluttered with his breath as he bent toward her and said very softly against her ear, “After this insufferable affair has come to its end and I have taken you home, I shall remind you precisely how I can madden you, and how very much you can enjoy it.”

The flush which crept from cheeks to throat to collarbone and down along her décolletage felt apparent even to her, and she could tell from the gleam in his eye that he well enjoyed watching it spread. That look of superiority could not stand, so she mastered herself, leaning in to give a whisper of her own. “Perhaps I shall deny you such an opportunity and madden you in my stead. Turnabout being fair play, after all.”

“I should like to see you try,” he said, voice still low. “It has not escaped my notice that I am not the only one in our marriage with...robust appetites.”

The music was coming to a close; there was only a moment more for them to speak this way. She had the chance for the last word, and she seized it.

“Ah, Lord Bridgerton. You should have known better than to challenge me.”

Kate surveyed herself one final time with a surprising degree of satisfaction. Although Lady Bridgerton had insisted on expanding her wardrobe considerably before the wedding, there had been little opportunity to show off the modiste’s fine work; sitting in bed or around the house with her leg thrust awkwardly forward called more often for clothing in the category of old and comfortable rather than fashionable. Although Kate had never cared overmuch about how she dressed, wearing something new which suited her was a bit of a treat.

She was taking her enjoyment where she could these days. Anthony had become, if anything, more persistent in his intentions to find her wherever she went, leading her to make good on her threat not to allow him to pay her interest in a more private setting.

(Although she had obeyed only the letter rather than the spirit of his condition of faithfulness so long as she did not bar him from the bed, she had no worries on that score. He loved her, she knew that, and besides, between his usual responsibilities and his determination to chase her down at every opportunity during the day, and his attempts to seduce her all night, where would he find the time to stray?)

While her prohibition clearly seemed to have an effect on him, given the time he was investing in attempting to convince her to give over to him and the snappish manner he had taken on over the last several days when she had not, she was not finding the situation precisely easy either. As Anthony had pointed out, since their marriage, she had become accustomed to having certain needs met, and now that she was aware of those needs, it was most displeasing to have them remain unsatisfied.

“Excellent.” She jumped a bit at hearing Anthony’s voice in the doorway of their bedchamber, pretending to herself that it was merely because she had expected to have a bit more time to depart considering the appointments she knew he had scheduled today. It had nothing to do, of course, with the fact of him here in the flesh after she had been recalling that flesh so vividly to mind. “Are we going out, then?”

She ignored him, picking up the lead from the side table as she called Newton’s name sharply. Unfortunately, he simply continued to doze on the floor beside the bed. Holding back a sigh, she went over and attached him to it, which did manage to wake him. Instead of stretching and standing with any degree of dignity, however, he immediately leaped up, panting, and attempted to pull her from the room. It was only her preemptively planted feet which kept her from being towed gracelessly behind.

Although she had purposefully avoided eye contact with him, Anthony, still lounging in the doorway, said blithely, “I had been hoping to have an opportunity to take some air. A walk with the creature will be perfect.”

And that, for some reason, was it. Perhaps because it had been going on so long, or perhaps because she had spent the past several nights lying inches away but not touching him even as her fingers fairly itched to do so, or perhaps it was because Newton was behaving ridiculously, or because Anthony was insisting on joining them only to spite her (he did not even like her dog enough to use his name), or some combination of all of those factors and more, but her voice went quite deadly, coldly dignified, as she said, “My apologies, but you shall not be joining us, my lord. You shall stay here, and I will speak to you upon my return. Now, if you will excuse me.”

Luckily, his spine had gone straight with shock at hearing her tone, entirely devoid of teasing or requisite argument or begrudging capitulation; she did not think he would have moved over on his own enough for her to pass. As it was, even as she and Newton descended the stairs and departed the house, she nearly expected to be followed.

She did not expect the small pang which struck her when she realized she had not been. After all this time, she had managed to push him away and she was unsure what it might cost her.

Newton’s energy had flagged after less than an hour - the consequences of short legs, she supposed, and perhaps the interrupted nap - but she forced the two of them to stay out for a respectable interval. It had been hard-won, after all.

When she finally returned, she removed her bonnet, saw Newton settled and lapping noisily at a bowl of water, and spoke briefly to the butler and the housekeeper before she asked where her husband was and braced her feet toward his study.

She was somewhat surprised that he was still in the house, although it was entirely expected that he would withdraw from their bedroom rather than remaining there at her order like a caught child. The way he moved his pen across the page, all tightly wound fury, his choice not to look up although he surely heard her tread or her light knock - all just as she predicted. Even the way he spoke when he finally chose to wipe his pen, set his papers aside, and look at her, the ringing command of, “I will not be addressed in such a way, Kate,” was the voice of the viscount, precisely as she had known that it would be.

But she had not known she could respond similarly until she did. “Then do not require it of me, Anthony,” she said: the voice of the viscountess, although she had never before heard it from her own mouth.

He looked for a moment just as taken aback as she felt, the mask dropping briefly. It was enough to soften her, making her sigh and walk in toward him, closing the door behind herself. She leaned on the corner of his desk nearest him, hands clasped and resting against her skirts.

“Anthony,” she said, gazing down at him. “Anthony, this is becoming absurd. Will you please tell me what on earth you have been thinking of?”

He said nothing, mouth pressed mulishly inward, but he turned just the slightest bit toward her, angled his legs so that they were nearer hers, and she recognized the space he was opening. She reached down to take his hand, pressing it to her lips.

“Please.” Her words were becoming ever softer. “Please, I must know what is going through your mind. Will you tell me?”

Although she had heard him speak clearly mere moments before, when he finally began to talk, his voice was hoarse enough that he had to clear his throat once, twice, before he was finally able to be understood.

“It was your injury at first. Needing to stay close to you to reassure myself that you truly were well and would not be overcome, yes, but…” He inhaled slowly and deeply before he continued. “I am certain that no matter how long my life, I shall never forget the sight of you beneath that carriage, so still and silent.” His gaze met hers, and she saw the shine of tears there. “If such an accident could happen once, it could happen again, and I would—I could not have borne it had anything else occurred, but more than that, I could not take the chance that I might be away from you when it did. What if you needed me and I was off looking at accounts, or taking care of some foolish errand, or sitting about playing cards, or doing anything but all that I could to help you? So I made certain that I would be near you as often as I could.”

“Anthony—” she started, but now that he had begun speaking he could not seem to stop himself.

“I know the extreme unlikeliness of you breaking another limb while trying on gloves or sitting taking tea or what have you, but I could not take the chance. And beyond that...I know you have doubts regarding my foreshortened life. Nevertheless, your advice was to ensure that whenever my time comes, I would be without regret. And aside from neglecting the continued well-being of my family and tenants, the thing I would regret the most is not spending enough time with you.”

His hand, which lay so naturally in hers that she had nearly forgotten she was holding it, tightened as he faced her. “It took me too long to understand that I loved you, and longer still to realize that you have become my favorite person to spend time with. Having you at home for all of those months made it terribly easy for me to become accustomed to being around you for hours or days at a time, and even that might not have satisfied me. Truly, I am not certain that ninety years beside you would be enough.”

Emotion seemed, for a moment, to eclipse her ability to speak. She had the feeling that anyone might have reacted thus to such a declaration of love, but she was only just finding out what it was to be loved, that it was possible for her to be desired. She had spent her life up until the last months believing that if she did not remain a spinster altogether, her prospects were limited to those desperate for any sort of wife. Hearing these words from someone who loved her truly and especially was quite overwhelming.

Even knowing that it would not be truly comfortable for either of them, she could not help herself: she relinquished his hand and settled herself in his lap, pressing her forehead into the space between his jaw and throat as they both breathed together. He did not seem to mind the discomfort, holding her tightly.

When she had finally mastered herself, she said, still a bit shakily but making the best of it, “I must say that I don’t know that spending every moment of the next ninety years together is truly practical.”

She seemed to be able to nearly feel his answering smile. “Perhaps not, but one cannot make such a statement before making the attempt.” And then the smile was gone again from his voice, although she hoped not far. “I know that my mother wishes often that my father could be there to experience life beside her. For the larger moments, of course - when Hyacinth was born, and seeing my brothers off to school and to university, and for all the courtships and marriages and births to come - but for all the little in-betweens as well. I never—” He cleared his throat once again. “I do not want to reach the end of my life, whenever that may be, without knowing that I experienced you smiling at me, or handing me cups of tea just the way I like them, or telling me about whatever you have read lately absolutely as many times as I could.”

“What about hearing me play the flute as many times as you could?” she asked, holding back a sniffle. He really was quite sweet sometimes - as sweet as he was irritating, which meant abominably so.

Close as she was, she felt the wince even as he checked it a second later. “And hearing you play the flute, of course.”

“Then I shall be certain to play for you this very evening.” He did not respond but she resisted prodding him into agreement, choosing instead to say gently, “You know, I’m quite honored that you took my advice with such seriousness, but I wonder if you have forgotten the other part of it. Spending all this time worrying over regrets rather than settling into the wonder of each day...We are trying to build a life, and I want you to have a chance to revel in the array of it rather than attempting to hoard memories by volume."

“You think perhaps that I shall miss the forest for the trees? That in turning greedy for as many tiny moments as I can have, I shall forget to enjoy our life together as a whole?”

“Just so,” she said, relaxing further against him. "Not to mention the practicality of it all. Even if you were with me all day long from the time that you awoke - and I fear I would turn murderess in such a circumstance - but even so, there would be some second that your back was turned, some word or gesture that you missed. And besides, one day there might be more than us two in our family and I should hope that you would want to collect some fatherly experiences as well. Considering how much time you have spent only trying to follow me about…”

“How I should manage with a child or more I cannot think." Resting his cheek on the crown of her head, he sighed against her. "Must you be so impossibly sensible all the time?"

"Yes, I absolutely must," she said solemnly, although she was quite glad to hear his own good sense finally reasserting itself. "However, indulgent wife that I am, I shall make you a bargain: you might not be able to see me all the time, but we may arrange some—" She held up a finger for emphasis before he could get any ideas. "Some outings together during the day, and perhaps find some mutual activity to partake in. And we shall spend every evening that we are able together."

"I still will not have my fill of you."

"Perhaps. And perhaps I never would of you. But whether ten years or thirty or ninety together, we can make each day have been enough."

He groaned, leaning back as much as he was able. The chair at his desk truly was not intended to hold two fully grown adults. "Some healthy debate is one thing, but I dislike truly arguing with you: today was more than enough."

"Really?" She had begun tracing the buttons of his waistcoat, just lightly. "It is only afternoon. I can think of certain activities to occupy us for some time yet."

Before she truly registered the motion, she had been lifted into the air, his stride easy and purposeful as he carried her across the room.

"Have I told you lately how much I appreciate your mind? You really do have some marvelous ideas."

"And what if I had meant we should spend the rest of the day playing chess? Or visiting your mother?" she said, although she knew he could hear the joy in her voice.

"I could convince you otherwise," he said. "Believe me."

She did. Not that it would do to tell him, but she would not have taken very much convincing at all.

No one was overly surprised when Kate delivered a baby midway through the next year. In fact, if she heard Simon correctly as she passed his study at Hastings House before they announced her condition, there had been some playful questioning over whether Anthony understood the precise mechanics of things.

“Considering the amount of time you spend together, one would think the newest Bridgerton would have appeared already,” her brother-in-law had laughed.

If it had been one of his own brothers speaking, Kate suspected that the remark would have earned a swift smack upside the head, but as it was, her husband only replied, his voice like a hand on the hilt of a sword, “Remember that is my wife you are speaking of. And I’ll have you know that I could easily spend quite a bit more time with her, new Bridgerton or no.”

“Well.” Kate could not see past the cracked door into the room proper, but there was enough surprise in his voice to picture the Duke of Hastings with his eyebrows halfway up his forehead. “Apparently that is your wife we are speaking of.”

And despite the foolish masculinity of their conversation, it had made her smile.

She smiled quite a lot these days. Not so much when Edmund was being born, painful as it was, but in the months afterward, even with the baby so very small and fretful, she could not help herself as they settled into being a family.

In the past, she had considered the idea of waking with a smile to be the stuff of daydreams and silly novels, but no longer, and as she typically greeted the day wrapped in her husband’s embrace, she felt that she could be forgiven for the sentimentality. They always managed to have at least a few moments speaking together in the mornings before Anthony had to be up for some appointment or Kate needed to be off to meet her mother or sister, or her mother- or sisters-in-law. (Sometimes it was more than a few moments filled not precisely with speaking, which Kate found to be a rather delightful way to start a day.)

Afternoons found them often apart, although not as often as most married couples: few wives had promises of the favor of their company for a midday walk solicited so frequently, and most husbands avoided tea with the ladies like the plague rather than arranging to be welcomed to it. Seeing him appear in the doorway was always cause for a smile - although she did admit that it turned devious on the occasions that he realized too late that she was entertaining certain members of the ton who he typically preferred to avoid. It always suited her to have an ally, and as he was the one insisting on being present, he would have to take the bad along with the good.

In the evenings, so long as they had no other engagements, they would sit together after eating and share tales of what they had seen and done while apart during the day. He was well known for a most impertinent and absolutely entertaining impersonation of Lord Liverpool, but refused to allow her to show off to his family her impressions of the ladies of society - apparently it would give Eloise and Hyacinth ideas.

As if those two could not come up with ideas perfectly well on their own, and would regardless of any influence, but she let him have his fantasies.

Eloise herself took a seat between Anthony and Kate one morning as some of the family sat together in the drawing room at Violet’s new home. Kate, although she was now capably assuming the role of viscountess in true, had been a bit relieved that when her mother-in-law left Bridgerton House, the center of the family had shifted with her; she did love them all, but she was fairly unaccustomed to people turning up and going in and out at all hours. Violet was not even currently at home - she had gone calling and left her children with the run of the place. Not, in Kate’s opinion, a completely sound decision, considering the particular children involved.

Eloise, for example, had not actually sat between her brother and sister-in-law, but had more accurately placed herself practically atop the two of them: had Anthony not begrudgingly shifted over, Kate might have had to balance a grown woman in her lap along with her baby son. Leaning over, Eloise cooed at Edmund, who only smacked his lips together and yawned before dozing off again.

“How lucky you are, Kate, that he is still so small and sweet.”

Kate recalled how three nights past he had kept the house up until the wee hours and nearly had the nurse in tears. “Oh, I believe he is on his company behavior for you.”

“There will come a time where he has no company behavior,” Eloise predicted, nodding sagely. “He will forget all of your good instruction and simply stomp about. Or perhaps mope. He might take after Benedict - he was a mopey sort.”

At the sound of his name, the brother in question looked over from where he had been gazing absently through the window and pulled a face at his sister, although he ended up grinning a bit when she gave one right back to him. Kate was glad to see it; he had been unusually quiet over the past month or two.

“Luckily,” Eloise continued, “he will be at school by then, for the most part, and scolding him will be someone else’s concern.” Turning toward Anthony, she asked, “I wonder, however, how you plan to keep yourself occupied for the foreseeable future.”

“I beg your pardon?” Anthony said, in that familiar ‘your mind is completely confounding, Eloise’ voice.

“Well, Kate will be spending the next years child-rearing, and running Bridgerton House and Aubrey Hall, and playing hostess, and—” She waved a hand. “Viscountessing. So will you be taking up a hobby to occupy yourself until your children are grown? Fishing, perhaps, or gambling on horse races? Oh, I have it: you shall write poetry.”

Kate suppressed a snort while Anthony visibly gathered himself. “If you will recall,” he started with stiff patience, “I have my own responsibilities as well. And there is no reason for Kate to raise the children by herself - Mother and Father were partners in that as in everything, and we shall be as well.”

They had spoken of this before, but Kate could not help but bend her face toward the baby and pretend to adjust his cap. Each time she had heard him mention this, the delight of the thought nearly overwhelmed her.

When she looked up, Anthony was staring past Eloise and right at her. “And besides,” he said, barely for anyone but Kate. “I believe my time will be quite consumed otherwise, and well spent for it.”

“I would tend to concur,” she said, knowing that he was not referring to the music lessons he had recently begun, or even activities of a more personal sort. But before he could crow the victory for having gained her agreement, she smiled at him and waited, knowing that he would be unable to keep himself from smiling back.

#Bridgerton #Bridgerton fic #Anthony Bridgerton #Kate Sheffield #The Viscount Who Loved Me #I didn't mean to but probably should have known it would happen anyway

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missholland · 5 years ago

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The one(s) who never stop searching

I sometimes wonder whether Hanguang Jun grew up with a role model, is there anyone he looks up to, or that just doesn’t exist because LWJ is too busy being admired and respected by pretty much everyone else (apart from his biggest anti-fan Su She).

Of course, he adores his soulmate. BUT, now rewatching the Coffin Town arc, I just really want to write something about LWJ and his admiration for Xiao Xingchen/Song Lan.

LWJ first met XXC and SL in episode 10 when checking out Chang clan’s manor in Yue Yang with WWX and JC. The duo captured Xue Yang there, and introduced themselves to the gang.

‘Xiao Xingchen, the moon in the breeze. Song Zichen, the Gentry despite the frost. Your decency is known to us’. This was probably the longest sentence LWJ said to another human being since the beginning of the series. Even his eyes scream ‘I’m a fan’ and makes WWX turn around in surprise.

During their later conversation as NHS and JGY arrive, XXC and SL talk about how they’re not interested in bloodlines and just cherish those with same ambitions. LWJ has obviously been listening very carefully, and even actually asks where they cultivate and how others can find them. I mean, since LWJ has not really opened up by that point, it’s truly impressive coming across new characters that manage to generate so much interest from LWJ within a very short time. Let me repeat. he even ASKS PERSONAL QUESTIONS!

His admiration becomes VERY clear just a few minutes after during the farewell scene. It’s probably only the 3rd time LWJ gives us a mellow facial expression since episode 1. He watches on as XXC and SL depart - quite a long look with a mix of emotions: appreciating, pondering, wondering, with a tiny bit of sorrow, somehow. He was clearly in his own world until WWX calls him back down to earth. He then gives his soulmate a soft look before nodding and following the gang. WWX clearly senses that LWJ has something in mind, as they walk, he turns and looks at LWJ.

This is how I interpret LWJ’s thought process in that sequence. As he looks on XXC and SL leaving, it feels like he has a bunch of ‘What if...’ questions in his head. Probably something along the line of ‘Darn, wouldn’t it be nice to just roam the world with your lifelong confidant, protect the weak, exorcise the evil without the burden of playing clan politics? What if I was not restricted by 3,500 rules at Gusu? What if I could actually live a life as in my name WangJi - to not seek fame or wealth, forget about worldly matters, and be at peace with the world?’. As soon as WWX calls him he turns around and.... ‘What if I could live that life with this person?’.

I’m convinced from this point, LWJ already has a vision in his head about going on adventures with his soulmate. We know he eventually got his dream come true from episode 34 onward, but it was a very very long and painful way for him to get there. At the end of episode 35, when filling WWX in about what happened to XXC and SL, LWJ was visibly upset which led him into having himself a drink. Some may argue that his frustration is due to people still shitting on WWX after all these years, or about the injustice related to Jin clan and Xue Yang rather than XXC and SL. I still think that being reminded of the duo’s tragic fate when talking to WWX does have some impact on LWJ’s emotion.

It was a clear case of extreme clan-related injustice that brought so much pain to the lives of 2 people who are not even attached to any sect whatsoever, 2 people who just purely wanted to protect the world from evil while not taking side. They were simply caught up in the whole major clans corruption shamble, and clearly the last people on earth who deserved to die/gone missing because of the clans’ mess. For someone who has long admired their decency, how would that NOT frustrate LWJ - someone who’s already in a long battle against injustice that screwed over his soulmate’s life?

Fast forward to the end of the Coffin Town arc in episode 39, it’s now revealed that Xue Yang murdered everyone at Snow White Pavilion, turned SL blind and led XXC to give his eyes to SL. As LWJ was searching for WWX, elsewhere, someone else was also looking for their other half. Unfortunately, SL arrived to find XXC being deceived by Xue Yang, and basically all of them ended up with tragic fates. Once all of the misunderstanding is finally clarified, we find WangXian and the junior disciples in front of A Qing’s grave. Once again, WWX notices LWJ being miles away in his own thoughts. He looks up and stares into his soulmate’s beautifully surreal face. It has an odd sense of relief in his vision, mixed with a bit of fear - a ‘close call’ type of fear, like... ‘Something even more awful could have happened’.

LWJ then mumbles ‘Fortunately...’ to a confused WWX and probably because of censorship, we never get to hear the end of that sentence. Putting in the context of everything that just happened to them, it’s not too difficult to work out that LWJ was acknowledging how extremely lucky he was being able to reunite with WWX safe and sound. Sadly, XXC and SL did not get that chance.

They then returned to XXC’s coffin to find SL. LWJ looks on, apologetically, as WWX gives SL what’s left of XXC’s spiritual cognition. Just a quick side note, I cry EVERY SINGLE TIME watching SL write in the soil with this sword ‘Roam this world with Frostwork. Exorcise evil beings alongside Xingchen’.

LWJ then looks up to SL and it feels so strongly that he wanted to say something. He’s been there - he saw his soulmate falling off the cliff. He started to invest most of his time searching for WWX, from appearing whenever chaos was to communicating with spirits asking for WWX’s whereabouts. 16 years of mourning the dead and living with the pain, feeling incomplete and empty without his counterpart.

LWJ is the only person who can relate to SL. And that’s probably why he knows there’s nothing to be said that could ease the pain. He proceeds to respectfully present SL with XXC’s Frostwork and bow.

LWJ, with sadness in his eyes, watches SL walk away, this time without XXC by his side. The scene cuts to WWX thinking to himself ‘I wonder if the two of them would be able to meet each other again’. The same thought must have gone through LWJ’s mind as well. WangXian then exchange a mournful look - if only the camera has stuck around longer for us right here, as I’m sure, this could have been the ‘We should be thankful that we are still standing in front of each other’.

I really appreciate The Untamed crew setting a good 3-episode arc aside to tell the tragic story of XXC/SL/XY the best way they could. It’s also a good idea to change the timeline of certain event so that XXC and SL cross path with WangXian in WWX’s first life, as it lets us see from very early on that LWJ is not just a rigid guy to follow rules all the time. He doesn’t have all the answers to everything in his life just because he reads all the books at Gusu. He does have certain insecurity and curiosity about a different path, now that there’s someone in his life that make it worth considering. It also provides more context to the unfortunate contrary between the fates of WangXian and SongXiao.

If you’re also impressed with this arc as much as I am, I would strongly recommend checking out the novel as it tells us a lot more about SongXiao origin story and how their feud with Xue Yang started. Besides the main couple whom all of us obviously stan, this storyline definitely impressed me the most rather than anything else. I really wish one day Song Lan would succeed in nursing Xiao Xingchen’s spiritual recognition back to wholeness and they would meet again.

#xiao xingchen #song lan #xue yang #wei wuxian #wei ying #yiling laozu #lan zhan #lan wangji #hanguang jun #the untamed #chen qing ling #mo dao zu shi #thoughts

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psychologyserviceannoucement · 4 years ago

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I've Done Therapy Before and It Didn't Work

Therapy is a hard thing to go through. It’s success is dependent upon both the participation of a professional and the individual. It requires discussing and evaluating a lot of personal information that can be hard to tolerate, let alone put active work into. While therapy is a proven effective treatment for a variety of mental health conditions, the reality is that it often takes people multiple attempts to actually reap the benefit of it. That may seem like an oxymoron, but there are a few reasons why someone’s first go at therapy may not work out and why it’s still worth giving a second shot.

If you’ve ever gone through therapy before then I wanna give you props for putting yourself out there to begin with. It’s uncomfortable and vulnerable, but I appreciate that you gave it a shot. Moreover, I extend my sympathies that your efforts didn’t end up being rewarded. I can understand if that experience has kind of turned you off to the idea of therapy or if it’s made you doubt the effectiveness of it all together. After all, there aren’t many other medical procedures that have this same problem. If you go to a doctor to get a bone set, you generally expect it to work without a second attempt. It’s not a very flattering look to say the least. Even still, despite how negative those experiences may be, I believe it is important to consider why things didn't work out before. Because when I say that people often need more than one attempt at therapy, that doesn’t just mean that it didn’t work. It also means that it did work later on. So it naturally brings us to question about what made the difference between the first try and the third.

One of the biggest reasons people give up on therapy is because of the timing. When people are struggling, they can become desperate for any sort of relief. However, therapy as a treatment takes time. Without going into too much detail about how therapy works (see here for a longer discussion), the process is essentially attempting to work with a part of your health that cannot be observed through traditional methods. Instead of conducting tests or making measurements, therapists have to rely on a far slower way to gather information, talking about symptoms a lot. Even after they are able to identify potential factors contributing to the problem at hand, enacting solutions can also take time. Correcting maladaptive thinking patterns, for instance, can be an extended process of convincing a patient that the pattern exists, that it should be changed, and helping them make that change. That’s already going to take a few sessions to accomplish. Lifestyle changes similarly take some weeks to show the effects of. And that’s assuming the first attempted solution proves correct. As such, the typically recommended period of time suggested before you may start to see results from therapy is 3-4 months or 12-18 sessions. And that’s a long period of time, especially for some more severe conditions. It’s very common for people to get frustrated with the process because they are being asked to do a lot of work even though they aren’t feeling better yet. In fact, a large percentage of patients quit therapy well before it has the chance to show it’s effectiveness. So although the effort you put into treatment before was likely difficult and shouldn’t be diminished, it’s possible that things simply needed more time before they could work. On the other hand, by the second or third attempt people are more likely to stick with therapy longer. They also have the benefit of their previous experiences helping them to progress more quickly. So if you’re willing to try therapy again it might be a little easier than the first time.

Another obstacle people encounter is finding a therapist that fits. I often describe individual therapists as akin to a primary care physician, a general knowledge health professional that’s able to tackle a wide diversity of problems. However, while they may have a surface level understanding on many topics, any specific therapist is not going to have a deep knowledge of all of them. Just like other kinds of doctors, individual therapists specialize in different fields and are going to have gaps in their information. These gaps sometimes prove problematic if a therapist is attempting to treat someone with a condition they are not familiar with or cannot relate to. They have a lot of skills and tools that are universally applicable to any problem, but they may not always use them effectively. And that barrier to understanding can appear for a number of reasons. Sometimes it’s a lack of personal, academic, or professional experience. Sometimes it’s a difference in cultural background: religion, race, sexuality, gender, or so one. Sometimes they have certain core beliefs that are in contrast with yours. Some therapists are very strict and direct. Some prefer a more patient-focused approach where they have a more passive role. Not every therapist is a good fit for everyone. It’s entirely possible that the first person you saw just wasn’t the right person for the job. If you were dissatisfied with your previous therapist, I would encourage you to seek out one that specializes in the specific issues you are struggling with. Alternatively, you can seek someone with a similar background to you. I would go so far as to recommend interviewing them to see if they have views and personality traits that would compliment your treatment.

The last obstacle I would like to discuss is a bit more personal. I’d like not to come across as if I am blaming anyone for their negative experiences or accusing them of not trying hard enough. However, it is sometimes the case that someone may attend therapy sessions without truly giving treatment a shot. The thing about therapy is that it looks silly from the outside and there are still a lot of people who are hesitant to accept it’s validity. That is perfectly understandable. I do not expect everyone to put the same value in therapeutic techniques that I do. Unfortunately though, therapy depends on patient participation. Therapists can help you identify necessary changes in thinking patterns and lifestyle, but only if you allow them access to the information they need to understand you. Moreover, it is entirely up to the individual to actually enact the changes recommended. As such, entering treatment without an open mind that is ready and willing to adhere to the treatment can often become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you go to treatment, fully believing that it won’t work and letting that belief drive your actions, then it certainly will not. And that’s not to say that everything will work perfectly if you try hard enough. It will still be a process. Sometimes you will put your best effort into something and it still won’t work out. However, the only way to know one way or another is to try it thoroughly. I understand that those who are seeking mental health treatment are oftentimes not in a place where they are able to be very hopeful or optimistic. That’s ok. I’m not asking you to believe with all your heart that you certainly will get better soon. But I am asking you to consider if you really did give it your best shot the first time around.

At least those are some of the bigger reasons why people have trouble with their first attempt at therapy. It’s possible they apply to you, but I don’t know much about your specific experience. I can provide as many explanations as possible, but I can’t account for everything because sometimes things just happen. The truth of recovery is that it’s work, but it’s not like climbing up a mountain. Recovery is more like being lost in a forest. It can take a lot of persistence. You can’t take three steps in one direction and decide that you’ll never find your way out.. You have to walk pretty far in one direction before you can really find out whether something is there or not. If that attempt didn’t work out, you’ll need to change directions and try a different way. It would be much easier if there was a simple path to follow, but it's simply something you’ll have to work on for a bit. Granted, things aren’t always a struggle. There is a way out. The forest doesn’t go on forever. It does stop eventually and there might be signs to help along the way to point to where that might be. You have your therapist as a guide to help you along and the longer you walk, the better you’ll get at navigating. I’m sorry if you feel stuck, or you’re tired of fighting, or you’re frustrated that nothing seems to be working. But hope is not lost. Statistically, you can still and likely will get better. Perhaps it shouldn’t take this much for you to get to that point, but it is still within your reach. Recovery is very much worth the work that it takes to get to it. So despite the obstacles, I hope that you continue to pursue treatment and put as much as you can into it so that you can find what’s effective and make therapy work for you, even if it takes a few tries.

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morningfears · 5 years ago

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Rose Tattoo [Chapter Two]

Rating: PG

Summary: Calum moved to New York after high school to gain experience as a tattoo artist. It was his hope to return home and open a shop in Sydney. However, life has a way of interrupting even the best thought out plans and Calum found himself still in New York at age 25 with a son and a job as an artist at a shop owned by one of his best friends. His heart had been broken and he told himself - and his friends - time and time again that the last thing he needed to worry about was finding a girlfriend. However, despite the turmoil in his life, he finds himself drawn to the girl with rose tattoo. | Inspired by this blurb. | This is Stevie’s face claim!

Word Count: 6.7k

SERIES MASTERLIST | CHAPTER ONE | CHAPTER THREE | CHAPTER FOUR | CHAPTER FIVE

Stevie stared at her laptop, the blinking cursor and blank word document seeming to mock her as she waited for the words swirling around her brain to magically appear on the screen. She knew what she wanted to write - the interview she’d done the day before seemed to lend itself to a certain kind of article and was neatly outlined in her mind - but it was as if her brain couldn’t connect with her fingers. She felt as if she were incapable of moving, that if she tried too hard to type, her head would explode, and it was beginning to make her heart pound and her head ache. She’d been stuck for nearly an hour, her eyes sore as she stared at the bright screen, and finally huffed a frustrated breath as she reached out and closed her laptop.

She wondered, idly, as she glanced around the small coffee shop if it was the noise distracting her or maybe the overcast sky affect her mood but, if she were being honest with herself, she would be forced to acknowledge that it was neither of those things. It was a myriad of feelings outside of her control, a series of chemical imbalances in her brain and life events that blindsided her, and she hated feeling like she was barely treading water when she was once a proficient swimmer.

It had been a rough few months adjusting to the seemingly never-ending changes that rushed into her life like tornadoes, spinning out of control and leaving her sanity in shambles, and she was struggling to cope with it all. She had always had a safety net, a group of friends and family close by and ready to catch her should she ever fall, so being on her own and on the verge of spiraling in a city over a thousand miles from home only added to the feeling of helplessness she’d been saddled with since Angela’s diagnosis.

It was hard, watching her best friend go from the brightest light in a room to being snuffed out in a matter of months, and she knew that she wasn’t handling it well. But that was no surprise. Stevie had never handled death well. Dealing with mortality, acknowledging that death was inevitable and a force of nature that could not be ignored, was hard for her. Her worst fear had always been losing the ones she loved and having that fear become reality had shaken her to the core.

She wanted, desperately, to feel happy that she was sitting in a cafe in Manhattan, drinking tea and writing for a magazine she’d read all her life. She wanted to enjoy the cold, the real winter that she never got back home in Louisiana, and play in the snow. She wanted to celebrate her success, a job and a life that she only ever dreamed she’d have, and be grateful that she was getting such an experience.

But it all felt hollow. Empty. Wrong.

Any victory celebrated felt like a slap in the face to the best friend she’d lost, to the family she’d left behind, and to the life she’d given up in order to achieve it. She felt guilty for surviving, for thriving, while everyone around her seemed to be crumbling. She knew that it was just something akin to survivor’s guilt and that it would leave her eventually but she could feel herself slipping back into a headspace she hadn’t been since she was a teenager and, for the first time in years, didn’t feel like fighting it. She wanted to wallow in her misery, to grieve and fall apart in peace, but that seemed counterproductive.

Instead of taking time to process her emotions, instead of talking about them or working through them, Stevie shoved them to the back of her mind. She let them fester, locked away in some dark recess that would likely break her some day, as she had always done and put on a happy face as a coworker - the one who’d recommended Calum to her - took the seat across from her.

“How’s the writing coming?” Noah asked as he placed his own coffee onto the table along with his laptop and notebook. “They’ve got you doing a feature, yeah?”

“Mm,” Stevie confirmed with a hum as she reached for her tea. “The interview went well. The band was good, they gave me a lot of good quotes to work with and a good idea for how I want the article to work. I just need to get it from my brain onto the page,” she sighed as she tapped her nails against the hardwood of the table. “My brain is stuck today.”

Noah made a noise of sympathy as he tapped at the keys on his laptop for a moment before he peered over the screen to glance at her. “You should take the rest of the day,” he suggested as he glanced at the time. “The deadline for that is, what, Monday?” When Stevie nodded, Noah followed suit and took a sip of his coffee before he continued. “You’ve done more this week than pretty much anyone else. Give your brain a break. You’ve got your second appointment with Cal today, right?”

At the mention of her impending appointment with Calum, Stevie felt herself perk slightly. She was still nervous about her tattoo, the idea of spending another few hours with a needle repeatedly being stabbed into her skin would likely never truly appeal to her, but she was eager to finish the tattoo and see the final piece. The base that Calum had done had healed and though there were still details and color to be added, she was thrilled with how it looked so far. It felt as if it belonged on her skin, like it had always been a part of her body, and she was glad that she’d taken a step out of her comfort zone and gotten it done. Completing it would also mean a check on the bucket list and the ability to move on to the next task.

Also, somewhere in the back of her mind, Stevie was looking forward to seeing Calum again. He was sweet, a gentle soul and easy to talk to, and she was looking forward to chatting with him again. He had made the appointment fly by and she hoped that the same would be true this time.

“Yeah,” she nodded, finally answering Noah’s question as she glanced over at him. “Thanks for the recommendation. He was really good. He still has some details to add and the color but the tattoo’s beautiful so far. It’s exactly what I wanted.”

“Good,” Noah nodded with a smile as he gestured to her arm, “can I see? I’ve got an appointment with him next week. I want to add to my leg.” When Stevie shrugged her jacket off her shoulder and rolled up the sleeve of her shirt enough for Noah to see the bold black ink against her skin, his eyes widened and he nodded in appreciation. “That’s bigger than I thought you’d go for a first tattoo but, you’re right. It’s beautiful. He did a great job.”

Stevie hummed her agreement as she reached for her phone to text her boss and ask for the rest of the afternoon off. “He really did. I’m excited to get it finished. He was just really good all around. I was freaking out before, like, almost having a panic attack outside the shop but he was really good about it. And he was really easy to talk to. It was a good experience.”

“He’s a really nice guy,” Noah agreed as he tapped at his keyboard. “I’ve been trying to get an interview with him for ages, though. Ashton agreed but only on the condition we feature them both and Cal is great at dodging my requests. Think you could put in a good word for me today?” Noah requested as he glanced over at Stevie with a grin.

“Yeah, I’ll see if I can remember to hound the poor guy about getting back to you while he’s jamming a needle into my skin,” Stevie nodded as she felt her phone vibrate in her hand. It was confirmation from her boss that she had the rest of the afternoon free and, with a sigh of relief, she grabbed her laptop and shoved it into her bag. “I’m going to go walk my dog before I go in. I’ll see you on Monday, Noah.”

“See you, kid,” he called, taking great pride in the nickname though he was only two years older than her. “Try to get me that interview!”

Without glancing over her shoulder, Stevie flashed her middle finger in Noah's direction - something she knew he wouldn't take offense to - and left the coffee shop to head back to her apartment.

*****

As Stevie crossed town, eager to get back to her apartment and take her dog for a walk before she had to sit still for a few hours, Calum sat on his couch and stared at the cellphone in his hands. He was exhausted, more so than he had been in years, and felt overwhelmed as he realized that his plans for the day had fallen through. He could hear Tāne’s coughing, the same sound that had plagued him for days, and he felt his heart constrict in his chest as he stood to find the cough medicine.

Calum had always considered himself lucky. By all accounts, Tāne had always been a good child. He had never been very fussy. He went to bed on time, was easy to put down, and was a sweet, affectionate, pleasant child. He was easy - as easy as a child could be, anyway - and Calum was grateful. Not much changed when he was sick - Tāne was still a sweet, pleasant child - but he didn’t sleep as much, too sick to get comfortable without the aid of some sort of medication, and Calum’s heart hurt for his son. He was slightly irritable, a little more emotional than usual, and didn’t want to be far from his father as he battled

Tāne was on the upswing after a rather serious bout of flu and Calum was relieved that the worst of it seemed to be over. He wasn’t quite back to his usual self, not yet, but he didn’t look as miserable as he had and he no longer felt as warm as he had the night Calum had taken him to the emergency room. He was well enough for Calum to be able to report to the shop for the first time in nearly a week - Calum was already dreading the few makeup appointments he would have to reschedule, though he was thankful for Ashton stepping in and taking a few of them to lighten the load - but the babysitter that Calum always used, and trusted to handle Tāne in such a state, was on her way to take an exam and no one else seemed to be able to fill in on such short notice.

He only had one client, Stevie, and he knew that if their initial meeting was anything to go by, she wouldn’t be one to have a meltdown if he had to cancel. However, Calum was itching to get back into the shop - this was the longest he’d been out since Tāne was born - and didn’t want to make Stevie wait any longer for her finished tattoo. He remembered her story vividly, the pain in her eyes and the tremor in her voice as she recalled the loss of her friend, and wanted to help her close that chapter. He knew that it would be at least another three weeks before he could fit her in again and he didn’t want her to have to wait.

As soon as Calum gathered Tāne in his arms and carried him to the living room, his son was clinging to his neck and fighting sleep. Even if Calum was able to find a sitter, he knew that he wouldn’t want to be far from his father when he felt so bad and, honestly, Calum wasn’t fond of that idea, either. So, though he knew Ashton would agree to let Tāne rest in the back room as Calum tattooed Stevie, he grabbed his phone and called to check, just in case.

The moment Ashton was on the other line, Calum could hear the hum of noise from the shop. He knew that things would thin out by the time he and Tāne arrived, there wasn’t a lot on the books for that afternoon, and that the others would gladly help him keep an eye on his son. As he asked, Ashton assured him of as much.

“Of course you should bring him,” he huffed, almost offended that Calum would even bother to ask. “There are still some of his snacks in the back if he gets hungry and Luke should be done by the time you get here. I’m sure he won’t mind sticking around and helping keep an eye on him.”

Calum could hear Luke ask, “Is he bringing Tāne?” in the background and confirmed that he was, indeed, to Ashton. “He’s better but he still doesn’t feel great. I don’t want to be too far from him. You sure you don’t mind?”

“I’m hanging up on you for even asking,” Ashton huffed and Calum smiled at the sentiment despite the slight anxiety he still felt. He knew just how much Ashton, Luke, and Michael loved his son - almost as much as he did - and he knew that Tāne would never be an imposition. Before he could speak, Ashton said, “Bring him a blanket, it’s kind of cold in here today. See you in a few,” and ended the call.

Calum laughed, his heart easing just a bit, and dropped his phone onto the couch to free his hands. He rubbed Tāne’s back, his fingers gentle against the material of his t-shirt as he listened to his son’s slightly raspy breathing. “You want to go see Uncle Ash?” he asked, his voice quiet as he shifted just enough to see Tāne’s face. “And Uncle Luke?”

Despite not feeling his best, Tāne was never one to pass up an opportunity to see his uncles. He still looked a little worse for the wear with dark circles beneath his eyes and red cheeks, clearly displaying his warm temperature, but he brightened at the prospect of seeing the boys. He didn’t respond verbally, just a small smile and a nod, but that was all the agreement that Calum needed as he returned the gesture.

“Alright,” he hummed before he brushed a stray curl from Tāne’s forehead. “Let’s get dressed and we’ll head to the shop, bub.”

Forty-five minutes later, Calum strolled into the shop with Tāne in his arms and a backpack full of his son’s favorite items - a pale green blanket, a plush penguin (given to him by Uncle Luke), and a copy of Toy Story, ready to be watched on Calum’s laptop - on his back. Calum knew that Tāne would need at least a little bit of distraction, something to occupy his mind and soothe him back to sleep, as he worked and hoped that the things he’d brought were good enough. Almost immediately, Tāne was scooped out of his arms by Ashton with Luke not far behind.

“Get set up for Stevie,” Ashton told him, a small grin at the mention of Stevie (despite Calum’s attempt to redirect him, Ashton still hadn’t given up his attempt to play matchmaker). “Luke and I’ve got our favorite little dude,” he assured him before he turned his full attention to the small boy in his arms. As Ashton took Tāne toward the back, Luke grabbed the bag from Calum’s hands and grinned at him, offering a quick thumbs up, before he followed along.

Calum stood for a moment, gathering himself and savoring the brief respite, before he breathed a deep sigh and set about getting ready for his appointment. He felt a slight bit of his worry ease as he ran through his mental checklist - ink, gloves, paper towels, machine, A&D - and began preparing his station. Having Ashton and Luke, two of the people he trusted more than anyone else, watching Tāne was a welcome relief. It was normal, something that happened more often than not, and gave him a moment to breathe as he listened to Tāne giggle at a story Ashton was telling him.

He hadn’t always been a worrier. He worried whenever Tāne got sick or hurt, just like any parent would, but he’d been the calm one. He never let the worry shake him as he hoped for the best and kept his head on straight. He kissed scrapes and dried eyes and encouraged him to get back up (although he never pushed; sometimes a child just needed to be held and cuddled and Calum was more than willing to provide that). But the impending custody battle had him rattled. He didn’t want to lose his son - not when Tāne meant the world to him - and he felt himself growing anxious over every little wrong move he could possibly make. He worried that he would do something wrong and that he would never see his son again and it hurt more than he cared to admit.

As he imagined losing Tāne, Calum felt his throat tighten and his hands shake. He never imagined his split with El would end in this way, with them bitter and angry at one another, but it did and it hurt that she was only just trying to step into Tāne’s life. Calum didn’t know what her motives were but, knowing her, it was purely out of spite and the last thing he wanted was for his son to grow up in a house where he wasn’t wanted.

“I’m sorry I can’t stay. Sierra and I are - are you okay?”

Calum looked up as Luke returned to the main area of the shop and frowned at the look of concern on his face. He loved his friends and appreciated the concern that they held for him but hated feeling so fragile. He was always the strong one, the one that picked up the pieces for them, and found it difficult to be in the reverse position. He wanted to assure them that he was alright, that he could handle what was being thrown at him, but that was hard to do when he wasn’t sure he could.

Regardless, he nodded at Luke’s question and returned his attention to his workstation. “Yeah,” he nodded, glancing over his shoulder to throw Luke a smile. “Have fun with Sierra. Don’t worry about us. Tāne’s feeling better than he has been and Stevie, the client I have coming in, seems pretty understanding. I feel like she won’t mind if I have to get up and check in on him.”

“You sure?” Luke asked, his frown deepening as he leaned against the counter and watched Calum wipe down his station with disinfectant. “I can stick around for a little while longer. Sierra won’t mind.”

“He’s sure,” Ashton assured Luke as he walked out of the back, wiping his wet hands on a paper towel. “I’m staying. I’ve got to get some drawing done but it’s easier for me to get up and walk to the back than it will be for you,” he rationalized, stopping Calum’s protests before he could start. “You needed to get out of the house, to do something other than be a dad for a few minutes, and I get it. I was just going to draw at home, anyway. I really don’t mind sticking around. Luke, leave. You’ve been a lot of help this week. I’ll see you on Monday,” Ashton said, glancing at Luke as he nodded toward the door.

Luke hesitated for a moment, his phone in his hand and ready to text his girlfriend about their potential changed plans, but Ashton’s look and Calum’s urging convinced him to leave. “If you need me,” he began as he reached for his jacket and began shrugging it on, “just give me a call. I can come back.”

“I appreciate it, Luke,” Calum acknowledged, and he really did. He appreciated everything his friends did for him, the love they had for Tāne, and didn’t know where he would be without them. He watched as Luke waved in their direction and headed for the door with one final glance over his shoulder before he left for the night.

On his way out, Luke held the door open for who he assumed - correctly - was Stevie and gave her a smile before he headed to meet Sierra.

Ashton spotted Stevie first, his grin widening at the sight of the green-haired girl, and he stood to welcome her. “You actually came back,” he teased, his eyes bright as he gestured for her to make her way to the tattoo area. “Calum didn’t scare you off?”

“Mm, not yet,” she confirmed, her own tone playful as she glanced at Calum. “But I can’t promise I’ll be getting anymore tattoos after this one. I don’t know if I’m fully sold on the repetition of tattoos yet.”

“You can hold a conversation right now,” Calum pointed out, a small smile on his lips as he glanced up from where he was setting up the chair for her, “I feel like you might be getting a taste for it.”

Calum watched Stevie for a moment. She looked calmer than she had been the first time, her hands not shaking and her breathing steady, but she still had a hint of nerves present on her face. He could see the stiffness in her shoulders and the way she twisted the rings on her fingers but, as he’d pointed out, she could hold a conversation and had a genuine smile on her lips as she greeted them both. She might not be sold yet but Calum could sense that she was nowhere near as petrified as she had been just two weeks ago.

“I’m finishing up,” Calum informed her as he glanced at the small metal tray filled with items. “I’ll be ready to start in just a few minutes.” He hesitated for a moment, unsure of whether he should tell her what was happening with Tāne upfront or just hope that she wouldn’t mind a few extra breaks. After a moment’s consideration, he decided on the former and added, “I just want to let you know that my son’s here. He hasn’t been feeling to great so he’s in the back. We might take a few more breaks than we did last time, just so I can go check in on him, if that’s alright.”

“Yeah, absolutely,” Stevie assured him, no hesitation whatsoever as she nodded earnestly. “I can reschedule if you need me to,” she offered, her head titled as she watched him fill a cup with ink. “I’d love to get it finished but I can wait until the timing is better for you,” she said and Calum lifted his head to meet her gaze.

She looked so sincere, so earnest, and it made him happy to know that he’d read her correctly. He was glad that she was as sweet as she’d seemed and that she was his client for the evening, not someone who wouldn’t understand. “No, tonight’s fine,” Calum assured her with a nod. “He’s getting better, he feels better than he has all week, but I still want to keep an eye on him. If we reschedule, it’ll be a few weeks, at the earliest. I’ve had to push back everything for the next week.”

“I really don’t mind. Take care of your family first. I can wait, I promise.”

Ashton watched the pair of them interact, a smile on his lips, and Calum wanted to throw a roll of paper towels at him. This would only fuel his delusion that they would be the perfect pair and Calum really didn’t want to endure another week of teasing from his friends. However, he couldn’t deny the relief and slight admiration he felt for her as she encouraged him to delay something that meant so much to her so that he could take care of his son.

Before he could answer, however, Ashton interjected, “I’m sticking around to help keep an eye on him so it’ll be fine. He’s just going to sleep in the back. Cal’s been itching to tattoo all week. Have a seat, Stevie. Take advantage of that desire and my willingness to devote my time to my favorite kid.”

At that, Stevie glanced at Calum and he nodded his agreement, nodded herself before she shrugged off her jacket and pulled the t-shirt she wore up and over her head. She avoided hitting her elbow this time, narrowly, and grinned in triumph as she placed her things onto the table. “It hurt to bend my arm for, like, three days after hitting my elbow,” she told Calum as she took a seat in the chair and settled in.

“You always that clumsy or was it just the nerves?” he asked as he pulled off his gloves and stood from his seat.

“…I don’t want to talk about it,” Stevie mumbled, her pink cheeks telling him that it was a mixture of both.

Calum grinned, finding the action endearing, and shook his head as he glanced down the hall. “I’m going to go check on Tāne and then we’ll get started.”

In the backroom, Tāne was sound asleep as Toy Story played in the background. Calum was relieved to see him look so peaceful, to get a moment’s rest, and hoped that he would stay like that long enough for him to finish Stevie’s tattoo.

For the first hour and a half, the tattoo went smoothly. Stevie was still somewhat reserved, as if there was something lurking under the surface of her smile, and Calum wanted to question it but thought better of it as he worked. She was pleasant, almost talkative, and he found that he enjoyed her company even more this time than he had the first. As he tattooed her, Calum and Stevie talked, much as they had the first time, about music. He told her about some of the bands he’d loved back home, some of the ones that were well known in Australia but weren’t talked about as much in the States, and was surprised to see her face light up at the mention of Violent Soho.

“I saw them a few years ago,” she told him, a smile on her lips despite the pain she felt as he shaded her tattoo, “it was a badass show. My dad had to go to Sydney for work and my sister and I were out for Christmas so he took us and mom and made it a family trip. We went to Big Day Out and it was one of the best days of my life.”

“Yeah?” Calum asked, a smile on his face as he watched her grin. “How did you like Sydney?”

“It was amazing,” she gushed, grinning as she tried not to use her hands - something Calum noticed was hard for her when she got excited. “I loved it. Except it was hot as fuck in January and even though I’m from Louisiana, it was weird seeing everyone in bathing suits and flip flops so close to New Year’s. But I got to see a ton of cool bands. Australia’s music scene is seriously underrated.”

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised,” he laughed as dabbed at the ink on her skin. When she gave him a quizzical look, he raised an eyebrow. “You write for a music magazine,” he elaborated, “I expect you to have better taste than most.”

“Don’t judge us all by that standard,” she warned with a laugh as she watched him continue to shade the red in the roses. “Some of the people I work with have the shittiest taste in music. Like, I understand that it’s a personal thing but if you listen to your music out loud in a public space, you are giving me permission to critique you and anyone who listens to Florida Georgia Line for personal enjoyment needs to rethink their choices.”

“…. I don’t even know who that is but I think I’m happy about that?” Calum mumbled, laughing at the look on Stevie’s face. He didn’t know her very well, he barely knew her at all, but he already trusted her taste in music and anything she deemed unworthy of his time, he felt compelled to agree.

Before Stevie could respond, before she could tell him exactly what kind of band they were and why he should be wary of modern country, a small voice interrupted them.

“Daddy, I got sick,” a child Stevie recognized as Tāne - based on the curly hair and chubby cheeks - mumbled, his eyes watery and his lip quivering as he stood at the edge of the room, blinking at the harsh florescent lights.

Calum, who had been about to continue shading, didn’t hesitate to place his machine on the small tray and pull off his gloves. “Can you wrap her up for a second?” he asked, glancing over his shoulder Ashton as he crossed the room to pick up Tāne. “I’ll be right back,” he called, this time glancing at Stevie, before he headed down the hall to help Tāne brush his teeth and change into a shirt that wasn’t soaked with sweat.

It only took about five minutes to clean up and get Tāne comfortable, the normal length of a quick break, but he refused to be out of Calum’s line of sight after he’d gotten changed. He was fully awake, crankier than he had been, and wanted nothing more than to sit in the chair at his dad’s side and watch as he finished up Stevie’s tattoo. On a normal day, Calum wouldn’t hesitate to ask. Tāne loved watching his dad work and was always good whenever he sat in. However, he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable as he knew that not everyone was fond of children and, even if they were, he didn’t want her to be afraid that she’d get sick. To his surprise, though, she overheard Tāne’s tearful request and ambled over to where Calum stood.

“Calum, please feel free to do whatever you need to to make sure he’s okay,” she told him, directing her words toward him before she glanced at Tāne and offered him a small smile. “I don’t mind, I promise.”

Calum knew that he needed to finish up her tattoo as soon as he could in order to get Tāne back home so he didn’t argue. With a nod, he gestured for her to head back to his station and followed suit. Ashton, who had been ready to jump in whenever he was needed, pulled a chair closer to Calum’s station and had Tāne’s blanket ready for him whenever Calum sat him down. The small boy hid his face half beneath the blanket and watched Stevie curiously as Calum removed the wrap from her arm and settled back into his position.

“I like your hair,” Tāne said after a beat of silence, his eyes glued to the green strands framing Stevie’s face. “Green’s my favorite color.”

“Really?” Stevie asked, a smile on her face as she turned her head to glance at Tāne. “It’s mine, too. Is that why your blanket’s green?” When Tāne nodded, his fingers brushing the soft blanket, Stevie smiled. “I had a blanket like that when I was little but mine was purple.”

“Why not green?” Calum asked, interjecting with a small smile as he watched the exchange between Stevie and Tāne. His son, while sweet and pleasant, was not known for his interactions with strangers and he was mildly pleased to watch him so fascinated by another person.

“My mom wouldn’t let me have a green one. She said green wasn’t a good favorite color for little girls,” Stevie explained with a shrug, “but she also gave me a name that sounds like it should be for a boy so… Logic wasn’t her strong suit.”

“Green should be everyone’s favorite color,” Tāne pointed out, his voice muffled by the fabric of his blanket. He paused for a moment, considering what else she’d said, before he asked, “What’s your name?”

“It’s Stevie. What’s your’s?” Calum was happy that she’d asked, even though he knew that she knew, and continued working on her tattoo as he listened to the exchange.

Tāne told her his name before he paused, frowning at her answer, and said, “Stevie is a boy’s name.”

“It can be,” Stevie nodded as she struggled not to shrug. “But I was named after a girl. Has your dad ever played you any Fleetwood Mac?”

When Stevie asked, Tāne turned to glance at Calum. Calum knew that Tāne wouldn’t know the band off the top of his head - the only music he knew without fail was that of Queen - but he had indeed played Fleetwood Mac for him. Tāne had fallen in love with Landslide the first time he’d heard it and Calum sang a few lines, quietly, to jog his memory.

Stevie stared at Calum for a moment, the surprise at his voice clear on her face, before she winced as he hit a particularly tender spot on her arm. “Is she the one that sings that?” Tāne asked curiously, watching Stevie’s face as she frowned at the feeling. “I like that song.”

“She is, yeah. Her name is Stevie Nicks. My mom really liked her music so she named me after her. And I like being named after her. She was a really cool role model to have growing up,” Stevie explained with a slight nod as she smiled at Tāne.

Stevie and Tāne continued talking for the majority of her session. Much of their conversation was about Scooby Doo and The Avengers, two things that Tāne loved more than almost anything else, and Calum was blown away as he listened to them interact. Most people treated Tāne like the child he was, talking down to him and waiting for him to catch up, but Stevie didn’t. She was patient, helpful if she said something he didn’t understand, but she didn’t talk to him like he was a baby. She carried on a conversation like she would have with Calum and he really appreciated it. It was something he tried to do himself, something he encouraged the others to do, and found it endearing that she tried so hard to connect with him as Calum finished up her tattoo.

He was grateful for her presence, glad that she was the client he’d been tattooing, as she successfully distracted Tāne from the discomfort he’d been feeling. Calum didn’t know if it was a conscious decision on her part or if she was just good with children but, whatever the case, he’d never seen Tāne take so readily to a stranger. He almost hated that this was the last time they were guaranteed to interact and, though he hated to admit it, he was stating to understand where Ashton was coming from.

However, he didn’t dwell on the thought as he wrapped Stevie’s arm and turned to Tāne. “Can you stay with Uncle Ash for a second while I finish up with Stevie?” When Tāne nodded, a pout on his lips as he bid Stevie goodbye and allowed Ashton to pick him up, Calum gestured for Stevie to follow him to the counter. “Thank you,” he said, glancing at her as he wrote up her receipt.

“What for?” She looked genuinely confused, unsure of what she’d done to garner thanks, and shook his head as he slid the paper across the counter.

“People can be assholes. Thank you for not being one,” he said simply, shrugging his shoulder as he watched her sign the bottom. “And thank you for talking with Tāne. He liked you. He’s never that talkative with people he doesn’t know.”

At that, Stevie grinned brightly and glanced toward the back, where Ashton sat with Tāne. “I liked him, too. He’s a really sweet kid. You and your wife or partner or whoever are doing a great job,” she complimented and when Calum frowned she grimaced. “Um, sorry. I just… assumed?”

“It’s okay,” he assured her, shaking his head as he did. “It’s just me, just us, but thank you. I appreciate it.”

The pair of them stood there for a moment, awkwardly, watching the other. Calum wanted to ask her for her number, or maybe if she’d like to have coffee with him, and he opened his mouth to do so but was interrupted by the sound of a coughing fit from the back. “I’ll let you go so you can get him home. Thank you for the tattoo, Calum. It’s beautiful. Tell Tāne I hope he feels better. And, um, I’ll see you around, maybe?”

“Yeah,” Calum said, his voice reflecting his disappointment as she turned to walk toward the door, “I’ll see you around.”

And just like that, Stevie stepped out of the shop and disappeared into the crowd of people walking down the sidewalk.

Calum stood there for a moment, staring after her, before he breathed a heavy sigh and turned off the ‘open’ sign. He headed to the back of the shop and took Tāne from Ashton’s arms. “Come on, bub, let’s get you home,” he sighed as he headed to the small back room to begin gathering his son’s things.

Calum placed Tāne on the couch and let him sit as he cleaned up the small area. Ashton followed him and handed him the DVD and plushie as he said, “Please tell me you got her number.”

“If I did, I’d be lying,” Calum sighed as he lifted his hand to rub the back of his neck. “I was about to and then Tāne started coughing and she left. It’s probably for the best. El’s gonna use everything she can against me and a new girlfriend would only give her more fuel.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Ashton huffed, his voice quiet as he tried to keep Tāne from overhearing them. “I know you’re worried but that’s no reason for you to make yourself miserable. What’s going on?”

Calum hesitated as he thought about his answer. A lot of his hesitation did stem from his desire to focus on his son. His first priority was ensuring he kept custody, tied with ensuring that his son had everything he needed. But a smaller bit of his hesitation stemmed from the fact that Calum hadn’t been on a date in three years. He hadn’t been with anyone other than El in almost five. His heart had been broken, destroyed, and he didn’t want to risk that again. He had been in a bad place the last time, depressed and alone, and he didn’t want to return to that state. He didn’t want to be vulnerable, to put his heart in anyone’s hands, and that’s what he told Ashton as he slipped on his coat.

“I don’t have feelings for El anymore but I don’t know if I’m ready. I just want to focus on being a dad. I appreciate the encouragement, I really do, but I’m okay. I promise.”

Ashton watched as Calum and Tāne left the shop, Tāne with his face nestled in the crook of Calum’s neck and Calum with a slight slump in his shoulders. Ashton knew Calum better than he knew himself. And he knew that Calum was lying about not caring if he didn’t get a chance to try something with Stevie.

Calum wanted to pursue something with Stevie, even if it was just meeting for coffee, and this was the first time in three years that he’d shown any interest whatsoever. Ashton didn’t like meddling in his life, not when he knew that Calum was so steadfast in his decisions and generally made the correct choice, however, he felt compelled to meddle and decided that if Calum wouldn’t make the first move on his own, Ashton would give him a nudge in the right direction.

________________________________________________________

Author’s Note: So, thoughts? Feelings? How are you liking it so far? I love Stevie and Calum and Tāne. It’s a little slow burn but! We’re getting to good stuff next week, I promise. I’m trying to upload at least once a week. Chapter 3 will likely be out around the 8th or so (maybe a few days before that) so keep your eyes peeled! If you want to be tagged, just let me know! :) Also! I know this is unrelated but if you sent me Luke and Lottie blurbs, I promise I’ve gotten them and will be answering them. I’m just trying not to get frustrated with MF and think too much about it. I just needed to step away for a second and Rose Tattoo has proven to be a great place for me to do that!

Tag List (like this post or message me if you want to be added!): @toolazymyguy , @irwinkitten , @jamieebabiee , @glittersluke , @spicycal , @lusbaby , @everyscarisahealingplace, @brokenvirtualheartcollector , @if-it-rains-it-pours, @blisshemmings , @calumscalm , @lovemenowseemenever , @ijutreallylovezebras , @rhiannonmichelle , @p0laroidpictures , @tomscuddles , @loverofmineluke , @harrytreatspeoplewithkindnesss , @blueviiolence , @loveroflrh , @empathycth , @luckyduckydoo , @tobefalling , @bandsandbooksaremykink , @watch-how-she-burns , @megz1985 , @wokeupinaustralia , @lucidlrh , @canterburyfiction , @cal-is-not-on-branding , @t-i-n-y-d-i-n-o , @jaacknaano , @findingliam-o , @old-zeppelin-shirt , @idk-who-i-am-anymore1 , @sammyrenae68 , @flowerthug , @calumsphile , @caitdaniels, @drummerboy794 , @writingfortoomanyfandoms

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spnfanficpond · 5 years ago

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February 2020 Angel Fish Awards

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations and make sure you’re signed into Tumblr or your URL won’t show. (If the form asks for your name and email address, then you’re not signed in.) If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle @mrswhozeewhatsis or Mana @manawhaat to check and make sure we got your submission.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE THIS MONTH’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

There are NINE (9) stories this month with more than one nomination!! Be sure to check through all ninety (yeah, that’s 90!!!) nominations!!

Nominated by @flamencodiva

Frat Boy (series) by @luci-in-trenchcoats

This is one of my all time favorite stories by Michelle! It was one of the first ones I read when I joined Tumblr. it is a really good read and I recommend it highly!

A River In Egypt (series) by @crashdevlin

Holy crap this is another amazing fic by Cassie! I mean the way she writes Sam’s inner monologue is amazing! and the rest is yet to come!

Darken (series) by @impala-dreamer

I love Beka’s Stories! This one is my absolute favorite! and my god was it angsty as hell and I ate it all up!

Nominated by @becs-bunker

The Accidental Sexter (oneshot) by @scorpiongirl1

OK, where to start with this one?! I honestly sweated my way through reading it. It was so hot and steamy and let’s be honest, even over 40, Dean can get it anytime. This just proves it!🔥🔥 Some accidents are so worth it, that one sure was!

Nominated by @erins-culinary-service

Call of the Ocean (series) by @flamencodiva

This is the first mermaid! Reader fic I’ve read but I’m loving it so much! It’s a collaboration fic, but the chapters go so well together you can’t even tell. It’s also a super slow burn and I know will be 100% worth the wait.

When You Fall (series) by @flamencodiva

This is such an amazing and dark fic. READ THE WARNINGS THOUGH!! There are a lot of things that could trigger someone, but if you do read the story it will leave you wanting more are the end of every chapter.

Fighting For A Future (series) by @flamencodiva

*Uncontrollable screaming noises* that’s the only way I can describe how much I love this and how excited I get when I see an update about this fic!

Running With Wolves (series) by @waywardrose13

This series rips my heart out every single chapter and I always come back for more because how could I not? It’s an angsty A/B/O fic and I can’t wait to find out how this ends since there’s still so much left in the fic to explore.

Nominated by @fictionalabyss

Privacy (oneshot) by @evansrogerskitten

Can I nominate this glorious piece of work for the AFA!? It gets right to the point and has you looking forwards to that climax at the end and what gets him there.

Porch Swing (oneshot) by @myinconnelly1

omfg. The angst was almost subtle until it wasn’t. Ripped my god damn heart out.

Unexpected (oneshot) by @tumbler-tidbits

When I wrote Sleeping with the wrong Winchester, there was next to nothing for small dick Winchesters. You don’t know how happy I was to find this in the pond! I LOVEEEEEE small dick Winchester fics. WE NEED MORE!

Never In Fact Homeless (oneshot) by @slowdownsugar

Perfect. It’s just perfect, that’s all that really needs to be said here. It’s short, and sweet, and utterly perfect.

You Can’t Save Them All (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87

It’s an older fic that I had forgotten about until I stumbled on it again. Its easy to picture the scene, her playing the piano with a broken heart, and Dean just being there so she isn’t alone. still beautiful.

Meeting Mr. Smith (oneshot) by @evansrogerskitten

Alpha!Dean Smith is just so.. *happy sigh*

Back to Him (oneshot) by @focusonspn

That ending really made this fic for me. It’s such a Dean ending. The determination to put his pain aside and and get someone back.

One Night Lover (oneshot) by @thing-you-do-with-that-thing

As always, I’m sucked in, and I can’t look away. By the end, I’m heartbroken and trying desperately to pick up the pieces and while begging to make it better.

Till the End of Time (oneshot) by @girl-next-door-writes

This made me so happy you don’t even know. I loved this. I love the idea of this. I just- I love this.

The New Sheriff (series) by @iflostreturntosteverogers

I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS TO START POSTING! Bad ass female main with a cowboy!Dean? Fuck yes! Get hyped, and get reading. *impatiently awaiting chapter 2*

Nominated by @thegirlwhorunswithwinchesters

We Know (oneshot) by @icequeen6666

Randomly came across this fic and, well, anyone who knows me won’t be surprised I couldn’t say no to a good dose of pure angst. I loved the pace in this oneshot. It was quick, but still managed to keep the suspense. And the ending broke my heart, as always.

Too Late, Now (oneshot) by @theholyfoxface

I don’t read many RPF’s but this one sucked me right in and there was nothing I could do about it. It was a beautiful combination of heartbreaking and heartwarming in a way I’m not sure how to describe properly. Yet, the author managed to do it absolutely perfectly.

You Scared Us (oneshot) by @theholyfoxface

Always love reading fics by fellow guppies and shining a well deserved spotlight on them through these nominations. This one I enjoyed very much. I loved the way Dean was portrayed as the more reasonable one while still being his stern self, trying to get things done his way.

You, Me & The Devil Makes Three (series) by @supersassyprobablysad

This series is very intriguing. I love the OC’s wit and the overall backstory of her and her siblings. Definitely going to keep an eye out for the next chapters to find out how this mystery will unravel.

Porch Swing (oneshot) by @myinconnelly1

Well, this sure broke me into a million pieces. I’m a sucker for angst and this piece of writing certainly delivered. It’s sad but it’s gorgeous and I’m in love.

A Day at the Cabin (oneshot) by @cloverhighfivewritestoo

All the fluff. This is so sweet, after reaching the end I went back and read it a second time right away. I would also like to say that Sam being the little spoon is something I can 100% get behind. Pun intended.

Let Me Go (oneshot) by @foreverwayward

Though the ‘Always keep fighting’ part definitely got me bad, I was an absolute fool thinking that would be the hardest part. This was so beautifully written, I don’t quite know what to say. I guess the heartbreak I’m feeling after reading this is all on me, since there was a fair warning given right at the top.

Notes (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage

I stumbled across this fic and I just…… wow. Apart from the signature amazing writing from this author, which I keep getting blown away by, I just really loved the idea for the plot. The way it was set up with the secret blog and the notes while the brothers acted like they had no idea. I’ll say it again: Wow.

Nominated by @kittenofdoomage

Control and Release (series) by @thecleverdame

I lost five hours of my life to this beauty. It’s so perfect. I can’t even find the right words to describe how perfect this is. If you love Sam, and you’re into BDSM, or even if you just like really amazing smut, you need to read this.

The Oath (series) by @thecleverdame

This story is dark, so heed the warnings, but it is another brilliant masterpiece. Absolutely fantastic.

Call Of The Ocean (series) by @flamencodiva and @anathewierdo

There aren’t many mermaid AUs out there, so this is a rare gem. The story that these two are weaving is intriguing, angsty, funny, and just plain awesome. I’m really enjoying reading it and can’t wait to see what happens.

Just A Number (oneshot) by @crispychrissy

I adored this oneshot for all the following reasons; the reader is a badass, Dean is spot-on, and the smut was h-h-hahmazing.

Bury It (series) by @crashdevlin

Heed the warnings on this one, folks, it is not for the faint-hearted. It deals with some brutal themes, but it’s fucking awesome. I’m really enjoying seeing the journey from Dean’s perspective, despite how completely fucked up it is. lol

What Goes Bump In The Night (series) by @saxxxology

If you haven’t heard of Saxxy, you are missing out, especially where it comes to her Sam A/B/Os. This series is no exception to her amazing level of work; it’s dark and twisty and just beautiful.

All Our Sins (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

It’s smutty, sinful, delicious - you just can’t go wrong.

Nominated by @impala-dreamer

Cherry Red (oneshot) by @dontshootmespence

I’m trying not to nominate you every month, but geezeus… HOLY HELL THIS IS MAGIC SMUT RIGHT HERE. ughhhh i’m a little … emotional about this.

Also, your writing is amazing in this. Like, it FELT like an old timey film and I dug that so much. Great, Great work.

‘He stares up with rapt attention, watching the curve of her body as she places herself over his knee; he’s pretty sure he’s died and gone to heaven, but he’s been to heaven before and it ain’t this fun.’

That line is magic. Mhm. Love it.

My Brother’s Keeper (oneshot) by @cleighwrites

I don’t trust a lot of people to write Wincest with the respect and soul-level love that I believe it should be written with, as such, I don’t read a whole lot of it, except from certain people.

THIS IS PERFECT. It’s hurt/comfort Wincest, which is my absolute favorite, and then you somehow made Sam into the perfect needy sub, and it was so well written and respectful to the idea and the characters and just… it was really really well done. Bravo. Thank you.

Dutiful (oneshot) by @stusbunker

Ya know that scene in Julie & Julia where Julie is trying to describe what eating an egg feels like for the first time and Amy Adams gets all like wide eyed and swoony and licking her lips and just…

Yeah, that was me reading this. God, that was good. Just… I can’t really explain it but I FELT it. Really Really good work.

Nominated by @sorenmarie87

Roots (series) by @manawhaat

I wish I could submit all three parts for a nomination because this mini series featuring JDM is so sweet and fluffy <3 Mana really knocked it out of the park.

More Than Anything (oneshot) by @iflostreturntosteverogers

This fic in particular, I know that Carrie was gonna through a rough time and who doesn’t love a good comfort fic? I know I do.

The New Sheriff (series) by @iflostreturntosteverogers

It’s no lie that I love AU’s and I was so excited when iflostreturntosteverogers said she was gonna write a Western AU. The set up for the first part is perfect and Sara, the OC girl - I would do anything for.

When You Fall (series) by @flamencodiva

I had this particular fic on my list to read for such a long time, and I’m glad I finally read it. The plot is a little heavy but I highly recommend this one. I can’t wait to see what she has in store for future parts.

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

Anything and Everything (oneshot) by @rockhoochie

I said this in my reblog of this story, but I want to say it here, too: This is freaking BEAUTIFUL! I had to look up the song quoted, and this is just so perfect for that song, and the song is perfect for this story. *throws kudos at Sarah forever*

Nominated by @supersassyprobablysad

Gods of Twilight (series) by @thecleverdame

It was an excellently written and refreshing take on the ABO concept and I really enjoyed it!

Protector (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

It’s only 3 chapters in but I already can’t wait for the next one. I’m super excited to see where this goes and imagining Dean as a biker does all kinds of things to me lol

Lemon Drop (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

It’s basically PWP BUT it is amazing none the less. Who knew that a Hypno Kink could be so hot?

Nominated by @fangirlxwritesx67

More in the Mortar Than the Pestle (oneshot) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

This is one lush, sexy story featuring Dean and the always-gorgeous Rihanna. An absolute treat!

Seasons (series) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

I don’t know how I missed this series but let me tell you, no one should miss it! I read the first chapter and wanted to wait, read the rest slowly, slowly. NOPE. I dropped everything, sat right down and read it ALL. It’s a beautiful Dean Winchester x OFC, told in an amazingly creative non-linear format, with chapters that follow the seasons of the year as well as the seasons of their relationship. It’s MJ, so of course I don’t have to tell you that her Dean is spot on, every detail is perfect, and the sex is mind blowing. Just - read it. But be aware that once you start, you may not be able to stop

Try (oneshot) by @there-must-be-a-lock

Look, honestly, Winchester baby fanfics are a dime a dozen. Which makes this one stand out all the more for how good it is. Lou describes it as “flufftastic smut” and it is, it really is. The sex is smoking hot, of course, but there’s so much meaning and emotion to it. I’m a Sam girl anyway, so the whole thing is just *swoons* *cries*

Nominated by @princessmisery666

Magnetic (oneshot) by @crashdevlin

Only a few words yet gave me all the feels. Exactly how I imagine Sam would be *swoon*

Just A Number (oneshot) by @crispychrissy

I am taking part in @beccaanne814 reblog challenge and it’s all about finding new authors and sharing each others works but I think this maybe the third fic of Chrissy’s I’ve recommended because she consistently writes stories I love and this was no exception. She gives me all the feels, laughing, crying, anger, sad. Basically I’m a huge fangirl and I don’t have to right words to express how much I love her work.

Nominated by @wingedcatninja

Good Literature (series) by @peridottea91

I don’t normally have the patience for a series, especially one that is still being updated. Thank goodness I signed up to beta this one because I would have missed out on some truly outstanding writing. The story is compelling, the characterization is on point, and the OC adds an intriguing layer. This could easily be a story arc on the actual show, and I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys classic SPN.

Nominated by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Shackled (series) by @itmighthavebeenintentional

Valerie has long been one of my fave fic authors and one of my dearest friends. This was such an unexpected but welcome deluge of poetry and imagery. I was on the edge of my seat and breathless every time she sent me an updated Gdoc.

Please, if you read nothing else this month, READ THIS.

Nominated by @mummybear

Rules are Rules (oneshot) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

As soon as I read this fic i was hooked!! I have reread it at least four times at this point!! I freaking love it!! MJ is incredible and so is everything she writes! Since tumblr ate the stupid ask i sent her after reading, I figured I could do this at least :) Much love honey!!

Nominated by @supernatural-jackles

The Fun Behind Conventions (oneshot) by @focusonspn

I came across this bad boy while searching for something else and man was I excited to read this. This fic is hot as hell! Very very NSFW, but holy! There is nothing hotter than this kind of sandwich! It was so well written and the attention to detail left me… let’s just say I’ll be going back to reread this one! Amazing!!

The Accidental Sexter (oneshot) by @scorpiongirl1

This had everything I was looking for! Humor wrapped in a hot fic! Dean accidentally sending a naughty picture shouldn’t be this much of a turn on but this is - this is freakin’ awesome! Words can’t do this one justice! Please, just read this one and you’ll see exactly what I mean! Absolutely awesome story!

High School Bullshit (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

I don’t know why this one struck me as much as it did. I read this one, then I lost it until I was thinking about it. I searched high and low trying to find it again so I could reread it! I really enjoyed this one because I could relate to it in some way. Never feeling like I could get the hot guy I had a crush on because of high school bullshit. I can definitely relate to this reader and it was nice to see something like this in a fic and have an outcome like it does! Awesome job!

Nominated by @thelittleredwhocould

What Lurks Beneath the Surface (series) by @saxxxology

I. Love. Soulless. Sam. So. Fucking. Much. Also there’s a line about Sam’s nose in the first chapter and I feel. Attacked. So rude.

What Goes Bump in the Night (series) @saxxxology

I love me some dark A/B /O and this series hits all the right buttons. Angst, a dark and gritty world, Alpha!Sam (*heart eyes*). It’s just ugh. So good.

About a Boy (series) by @percywinchester27

I think this series is going to be in my Hall of Fame till the end of time. Ana’s plot pulled my in from the first chapter and I’m so excited to see where this series goes!

There’s Something Strange (series) by @alleiradayne

I found this on AO3 by accident and immediately fell in love. The case is super interesting, the characters are well done, and over all I really enjoyed it.

Her Saviours (series) by @bamby0304

Been doing a lil reread of this series and rediscovering how much I adore it.

I Know Your Wife (She Wouldn’t Mind) (series) by @teamfreewill-imagine

I will forever recommend this fic to anyone who will listen. It’s the only RPF fic I’ll read and it’s just. SO GOOD.

Nominated by @myinconnelly1

Tighter Harder Faster (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

Alright look this was just straight up dirty. Ok, what else can I saw but that I needed a cold shower after this.The Girl I Knew

The Girl I Knew (oneshot) by @emilyshurley

Uh, what can I say here? I have never been so honored to have fanfic written of my fanfics before, but emilyshurley has given me the highest medal, in the absolute cutest way imaginable.

Gods of Twilight (seires) by @thecleverdame

This fic was binge worthy. I could put my phone down and I simply wanted to hurry onto the next chapter. Seriously don’t read it if you need any time to adult.

The Private Invader (oneshot) by @negans-lucille-tblr

This was some dirty below the belt cheating. It was amazing, and I just was like *heart eyes* the entire way through.

The Truth (series) by @negans-lucille-tblr

While this type of fic is not normally my go to, it truly grips you and puts into the minds of the characters. I was actually scared and ashamed of myself feeling like I had done something wrong, when it was the characters.

Nominated by @tumbler-tidbits

Everything (series) by @there-must-be-a-lock

Sweet Holy Effervescent Jesus this is the hottest thing I have read in a long time! Its raw and messy and desperate, and SO fucking delicious! Lou even managed to get some fluff in too! Do yourself a favor and binge this fic! (just make sure your alone and have spare panties)

Bottle Service (series) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

This is one of my longtime faves, and it never disappoints! My girl MJ captures the true intimacy between the characters and a smut fic has never sparked such emotion in me. It’s beautiful, and passionate and there’s a sequel! It’s called Full Service and it is equally amazing!

Worthless (oneshot) by @maddiepants

This one just ugh *sobs*. Erica captures the struggle of self-harm in this fic very well. Its heartbreaking and soul shattering, but it also reminds you that you can’t trust those voices in your head, and that there is someone who cares about you. TW: thoughts of suicide and self harm.

Hard To Love (oneshot) by @maddiepants

I’m a sucker for a good song fic and Erica does this one justice! She really captures Dean’s self-hatred and really makes you want to wrap our favorite hunter in hugs. My bestie has a gift for the angst, but she gives you fluff too.

His Property (series) by @negans-lucille-tblr

This fic is glorious! There’s angst, fluff, and smut so hot you’ll be a melted puddle of arousal. Believe it or not Bee also managed to make me hate one of my favorite Supernatural characters! There is a definite twist in this one :)

Since You’ve Been Gone (series) by @negans-lucille-tblr

This series quickly captured my heart. I don’t remember what it was that captured me but the mix of fluff, angst, and smut certainly kept me around! The best part? There’s a sequel called “Now You’re Here” and in March she’s releasing Part three of the Trilogy!

Ask Me (oneshot) by @evansrogerskitten

This one is another favorite of mine by my girl Ash! This hits so many of my kinks there are not words to describe the hotness. In fact I’m pretty sure my reblog contained gifs and keyboard smashes lol. Read it! You’ll thank me!

With Wolves (series) by @bamby0304

This one is a classic favorite! This fic was my first foray into the A/B/O world AND series works. I was still somewhat new to the fandom and tumblr when I discovered it and I was immediately hooked! I love the way Amber has incorporated our favorite characters into this alternate universe while still maintaining their cannon personalities. It’s an emotional roller coaster, so buck up and enjoy the ride!

Spanner in the Works (series) by @bamby0304

This one has a special place in my heart! It makes me smile and squee and just overall make a fool of myself. It’s incomplete right now because Amb is on hiatus, but there are seventeen AMAZING chapters that you can read right now! I just love it, plain and simple.

Cupid Can Shove His Arrow Right Up His... (oneshot) by @bamby0304

Since it’s February, I thought it appropriate to share this yummy piece! Holy Fucking shit I LOVED THIS! The attitude, the sass, the fucking innuendos… THE FUCKING! Jesus Christ on a crumbled cracker, This one killed. Go beg Amber for MORE of this! And make sure you say PLEASE! We need to see ALL those scenarios played out… Read this one in privacy ladies and have a helper handy.

Wrecked (oneshot) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

JFC if this isn’t every Jensen girls fantasy! This one just ruined me! Wall sex, hand over your mouth, soft nips and kisses *shudders* give it a read!

Our Little Secret (series) by @sis-tafics

If you’ve got a kink then Jill’s got you covered 😏 This 25 chapter serious has it all! A little angst, a dash of fluff, and whole lot of smut! Each chapter explores a different kink between Dean and the Reader from the Readers point of view while Dean tries to show her how beautiful she is. I recommend you take the time and read the series in sequence, y’all will not regret it!

Midnight Blue (oneshot) by @rockhoochie

This Fic was so fucking amazing! Precise and descriptive words paint an amazingly vivid picture that fills all your senses! You can actually see, hear, smell, and feel the things going on between the reader and Sam! I could be biased since this fic hit nearly all my kinks *fans self* but indulge in this extremely passionate sensory experience for yourself and read it!!

Bruised (oneshot) by @wayward-and-worn

This is oddly sweet and fluffy with a hen pecking Dean, and absolutely fucking hilarious at the same time 😂😂 I love it!

Not Letting Go (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage

Whoo! I love a good A/B/O fic and this one is delicious! Just enough smut to please you and leave you begging for more!

The Maddening Empty (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

Whew. I don’t know if it’s my praise!kink or my dom!kink but this little number right here had me wishing I waited to read until after work! This ones a panty ruiner folks!

Notes (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage

JFC this piece is a dream come true! What would you do if Sam and Dean discovered your smutty fanfiction? Well this hot little number lets you know exactly what they would do!

The Mirror (oneshot) by @wheresthekillswitch

This sweet little drabble speaks volumes for those of us who have insecurities (read: all of us!). Short, sweet, and to the point! Hold your head high.

Only One Woman I Trust (oneshot) by @georgialouisea

This is just absolutely precious! You think you know what’s going on but there’s a surprise! This one will rot your teeth ❤️

Inked Up (oneshot) by @evansrogerskitten

Ever want to know what goes on inside Dean’s head when he sees a hot girl? This fic is super hilarious and totally fluffy! I love Dean’s internal struggle to keep himself in check 😂 this one is fun!

Hunt Hard Play Harder (two parts - link is to Pt. 1) by @rockhoochie

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! This is…. this is just. WOW! Holy Hell I can barely breathe. This one gives you Dom!Dean AND Sub!Dean and both are equally sensual and erotic! There’s even a surprise ending! Which had my pulse racing… Whew 🔥 My bitches y’all will love this one!

Mr. Quackers (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

They say that crack is whack, well in this case quack is whack 😂😂 This little drabble with have you laughing until you cry, it’s just that ducking funny! (See what I did there?)

Holding On (oneshot) by @idreamofplaid

This is so beautiful and so painful I was teary eyed! They never really show us how the boys deal with their inner demons on the show, but Robin does a phenomenal job of painting that picture!

Clear Your Mind (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

Oh sweet smiling sinner this was miraculous! So soft, so gentle, so loving… this was Sam making love to the reader and the way he takes care of her makes it that much more passionate! Ladies and gents THIS is how you take care of your lover! Fucking love you Beka!

Thunder Rolls (oneshot) by @amanda-teaches

This was intensely passionate! The sex is hot but the love behind it really makes it great! The authors use of super descriptive descriptions of your pleasure will have you clenching your thighs!

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

These are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

#afa masterlist #angel fish awards #spnfanficpond #fan fiction #fanfiction #fan fic #fanfic #spn fan fiction #spn fanfiction #spn fanfic #supernatural fan fiction #supernatural fan fic #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fanfic #fic rec #spn fic rec #supernatural fic rec #spn fan fic

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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 5 years ago

Text

Jinxed- Part 2

Calum’s so used to fucking up that when a second chance comes his way he’s not sure what to do with it. Demon!Calum.

CW: Mentions of death.

Enjoy my masterlist

Support me on kofi.

__________________________

Her house is a mess. Dishes have piled up, her laundry is overflowing the basket. She hasn’t returned anyone’s phone call. Her mother has left twenty or so voicemails. Her text notifications are near the hundreds. None of those matter. His notes aren’t slipped under the door. She’s checked every night for one. Like her brain hasn’t computed that he’s actually gone. But he is. There is nothing but that handful of dust.

When she calls all those old numbers, she gets an automated voice. It tells her that the number she is trying to reach is out of service or has been disconnected. She always sobs on the last word. She is disconnected. Disconnected from a friend. Disconnected from her loved ones because no amount of the phone buzzing and shaking on the table gets her to pick it up. A lifeline has been unplugged.

Ruby clutches the small jar to her chest most days, or keeps it near. It feels appropriate for all the times Calum would shoot whiskey or hennessey straight out of one of them. Or the time he left a single carnation in one of her mason jars. It was pink, even though she hated pink. The next time he brought white. She carries the little bit of him left in the mason jars he used to always poke fun about.

She can’t even cry anymore tears. She just sits, curled up in his jacket. She’s starting to lose his scent though. She can smell now is herself mostly. Ruby can’t mess up Calum’s jacket. The least she can do is preserve that. So she peels herself out of, draping it carefully over the edge of her bed and goes to shower.

She texted her boss the next morning after it happened, after the shock still weighed her down. Ruby explained she’d need to take a couple personal days. Ruby really thought that was all it would take. Like a couple days just to get herself out of the funk. It’s hard to deal with death, but she thinks that she can bolster through. However, everytime she walks into her living room, she stares at the spot he last kneeled and her whole chest shatters. Her lungs can’t expand large enough for hair. She wheezes while tears stream down her face.

If she could use the sprinkling of his ashes and her tears to sprout him again, she would’ve done so by now. She stands, in that spot, clutching his shirt, praying there’s anything she could do to bring him back. She is by no means, a witch. She tries nevertheless. She prays that anything brings him back. At first she wanted to never know Calum. It would be much easier to never hold onto these memories of falling asleep on him when she just couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore.

The reality though is that she’s happy to have known him. She’s happy to have those random trips for ice cream, even though she knows it’ll make her intestines shiver. If she didn’t have those experiences, what would’ve been the last year and half of her life? Who would she be without the imprint of Calum on her soul?

____

Her hair is no doubt a mess when she walks into work. She managed to do laundry and put on decent clothes. Her dishes are still not done. She’s yet to take the trash out with all the delivered fast food. But at least she’s taken care of one thing. She was just much too tired to keep her shoulders lifted to properly comb out. Most of the knots are out with her pick and wide tooth comb.

“Hey stranger,” Tiff says. Her smile is soft, maybe even a little sad.

“Hey, sorry about being gone for so long.” She can feel the sting behind her eyes now. Fuck, she really thought she had cried enough. How does she even begin to function like her life is normal again?

“No, no, it’s okay.” Tiff collects Ruby into her arms, combs and all still in her hands. “Shh, it’s okay.”

“He’s gone. I just--I can’t believe it,” Ruby hiccups.

_____

The weeks pass, blurring into months. Ruby lingers less often on the spot in her living room. She still wears his shirt around the house just for comfort sake. His leather jacket hangs in her closet, now a staple piece even though it’s boxy on her. It’s comfortable. It’s lived in. Even though his cologne is long gone and nothing but the scent of the cleaners is seeped into the garment, she can still feel the lingering of Calum in it.

She knows he slipped his arms into the same holes. He layered it with a sweatshirt and beanie. There is something of him, his living visage still seeped into the threads that makes her feel better when she wears if, even if she doesn’t need the comfort constantly.

Ruby keeps up with her dishes now too. Her laundry basket is emptied at least once a week. It hurts less to laugh. She can go about her day easier now. She doesn’t think she’ll ever reach her old normal. But she likes her new normal, the new routine of noticing the small things that Calum used to do that don’t cause her chest to rupture. But she gives a sad smile whenever the thoughts cross her mind.

Like now, sitting in Kourtney’s car, Ruby is slightly reminded of the times that she and Calum would ride across town, just to try the latest sweet treat.

“I don’t know how you’ve been single for this long now,” Kourtney laughs from the driver seat. The red light stares down at them and they stare up at it for the moment being. The comment isn’t mostly out of the blue. But their previous conversation about how dating is hard had died down a little.

Ruby look to her friend through her peripheral. The high ponytail weave still slick and perfectly pinned in place. “I haven’t been single for that long.”

“It’s going on two years now! Ever since your birthday when that creepy guy cornered you at the bar. You broke things off with Darrell, what three just weeks before that?” Kourt risks a glance over. Rubs picks at her nails, the set of extended nails a deep burgundy color. They don’t mention that birthday too much.

It was brought up once before after Calum’s passing and Ruby broke down into tears. Kourtney and the rest of the girls thought that Ruby and him had been dating and then broken up. But the way she cried and told them that a good friend had passed away, they figured they might be wrong about it. Everyone does their best to dart around the topic.

Ruby makes sure never to give a name. Part of it feels like a disservice. That she’s silencing him even in death. But the other part knows it’s better this way. That she can’t say his name. Not to anyone. Would she be causing trouble for herself if she does? Would Lucifer come back for her? She’d rather not having the devil himself show up at her door again. Once is more than enough in a lifetime.

Ruby blinks. It has been two years. Time surely hasn’t slowed. But it doesn’t feel like it’s sped up either. “Well I won’t be taking anymore recommendations from you,” she tsks, sucking her tongue around teeth.

“You can’t hold Tre over my head forever. I thought she was cool.”

“She’s like the rest of them n--,” She had more to say but Kourtney cuts her off with a wave of her hand, as if she’s heard the guilt trip from Ruby enough already.

“So are we going out for your birthday or not?”

Ruby doesn’t know what she wants to do for her twenty sixth birthday. It feels mundane. It’s not 21 or even her 30’s. Just 26, a tick mark in the calender of her life. Just another day on the wheel. “We could go back,” Ruby offers with a shrug of her shoulders.

Kourt presses down as the light turns green. “Back to Greenlight? It’s an hour out of town.”

“The music was lit.”

“The drinks were expensive.”

“You’ll have a birthday girl.”

“Why do you want to go back?” Kourtney asks but not without having to tap her brakes to allow for an asshole weaving through the lanes. She flips them the bird.

Ruby watches, focus blurring on the passing asphalt. She can’t avoid things forever. She can’t hide from what’s happened. Calum’s dead. Though she’s wondered if demon’s can every truly die. Part of her wished she had asked sooner. She wished she had considered what happens when she dies, if she’ll ever cross paths with him again. Should she make some sort of deal with the devil? Calum would probably have her head for something like that.

“Earth to Ruby!” Kourtney shouts, snapping her fingers near Ruby’s ear.

“I’m not dead,” Ruby huffs.

“Why should we hikes our asses all the way to Greenlight? Need to pour one out for them?”

Ruby has to laugh. Calum would not stand for the waste of alcohol in his honor. But it feels appropriate to remember him like that, even if it is wasted whiskey on concrete. “Yeah, something like that.”

“Someone’s gonna have to DD. Because I am not splitting that Uber again. I couldn’t even afford enough drinks for a solid buzz.”

“It won’t be long. But I guess if it’s an hour drive. We better make it worth our while. There’s a waffle joint close by too. Make pretty good breakfast.”

Kourtney parks in front of the mall, lips pursed. “And how would you know that ma’am?”

Keeping her gaze straight ahead, Ruby shrugs. Her lips curve though. The smile slowly etching itself onto her face. “Heard it through the grapevine.”

“Yeah right. Who you fuck that far across town?”

“No one,” Ruby defends. Her offended tone doesn’t last long before her laughter cuts through. It’s shocking that she’s never brought up the night she spent with Calum. But Ruby nows her friends. The would take any amount of scandalous details and run it for miles.

Kourtney’s nonbelief is clear on her face, especially with the eyeroll. “Yeah and I was born last night.”

The women climb out of the car, laughing. As Ruby slings the purse onto her shoulder, Kourtney leans against the hood of the car. “Was it them? The one that passed away?”

Ruby matches her position. She can trust Kourtney, one of the few that always been more receptive to Ruby’s quiet moments. She’s always been the one that makes sure to keep the things that need to be quiet quiet. So Ruby nods her head. “Just once.”

“You just out here hoeing around and making friends out of them? Only you Ruby. Only you can sleep with someone and be friends wit’ ‘em.”

Ruby closes the car door, walking around the bumper. There’s a small breeze as they walk to the entrance. “It wasn’t supposed to go down like that. We slept together and I thought it was over. But he came into the salon.”

“So it was a guy, huh?”

“Yeah, he came into the salon to see a stylist. We talked for a minute.” Ruby pauses. She can’t admit that Calum turned out to be a giant asshole and a demonic one at that. “He was a bit of an asshole about it. But it was chill. Then on the date with Tre, he happened to be hanging out there too. She was still yelling about getting some ass. We argued and resolved it. Though, things didn’t actually get fix. She just stormed off. He was there. We hung out getting ice cream.”

Kourtney nods. “So you didn’t sleep with him again after that?”

Ruby shakes her head. “No.”

“Was it that bad?”

“Quite the opposite.”

“So why not?” Kourt screeches.

The mall isn’t too crowded for the moment. Both of them wanted to get out and about early. It’s only the older people that walk laps with their wristbands and two pound weights. All of them look at Ruby and Kourtney for sudden loud interruption. They are used to the stares from others because their glossy lips, and occasional pop of their gum. They know the hair and the color of their skin makes them an easy target for judgemental stares.

It’s sometimes exhausting how true the phrase is that there is nothing new under the sun. There is nothing new about the prejudices they face. There is nothing new to the way they are watched, followed around. There is nothing new about losing loved ones. Nothing new about the stories of their lives. There is just new names on the characters they play.

“Because we became friends,” Ruby answers.

“You can fuck your friends.” Kourtney throws the 22 inches over her shoulder. Her nails aren’t long. But are a sharp stiletto point and have rhinestones tacked onto them.

“You shouldn’t though,” Ruby states.

Kourtney loves Ruby but sometimes wishes she gave more about her life. How to go from fucking a stranger to becoming their friend is a story that others would kill to tell. But Ruby holds it close to her chest. She won’t give the details. Even if Kourtney tried to push it out of her, it would only be condensed. She’d only ever get the sparks notes version of the truth. “Fine, fine. We’re here for birthday outfits anyway.”

“Why do you need an outfit for my birthday?”

“Because I can’t go to Greenlight raggedy.”

“Your closet is twice the size of mine. You calling me raggedy?”

“Never in a million years, Rubs. Never.”

Ruby purses her lips but says nothing. Their feet carry them down past the anchor stores to a small run boutique. The displays are still neon and fishnets, with a sprinkle of cheetah print bodycon skirts. The shirts are cropped in the stomach but still thick long sleeved. The fashion choices don’t always make sense. As if only the flesh of arms get cold but not a stomach.

“Are jeans and clear heels look too simple for my birthday?” Ruby asks, the jeans at the first display for her. She owns enough denim to last her the rest of her life if she gains no more weight.

The question is mostly to herself, a little bit for Kourtney’s response. Kourtney’s already two racks over, thumbing through the previous season’s sequin tops. “No, it’s a very you look. Spice the top up with some glitter maybe. Or some neon?”

Ruby bypasses the denim, finding a blue sequin dress and holds it up. “Kourt, look what I found.”

A small gasp feels the air. “I need it. And I need it now.”

“Your size too.” Ruby dangles the rack from the tops of her fingers, thumbing over the dresses. Birthdays require maximum fun. A dress will have her stressed that her ass is not showing. Though depending on the amount of shots she’s had the stress of not mooning anyone could easily be overcome by the giggling urge to moon someone. She’ll stick to pants though and let the worry reside for another day when she dares a skirt.

Kourtney takes the dress from the waiting hand and pulls out a red cheetah print top. “Try this?”

“Looks like a dress I have.”

Kourtney watches Ruby glance over the racks. The hangers making a piercing screeching as they scratch with rusted metal over the glossy metal rods that they hang on. Is smart to support her want to go back to Greenlight? Nothing special is really there about the place. It’s popular and crowded, but that’s only because it’s the latest club on the scene and more artists want to play in the club because of it’s blossoming elitist status. But a good time could be had anywhere.

“Are you positive about Greenlight?” Kourtney asks.

Ruby nods. “As positive as I am black.”

“So hella positive then,” Kourtney laughs.

It takes one store for them to find the base pieces, a dress for Kourtney and the top for Ruby. It takes three others for the shoes. In the second store, Kourtney finds her heels, black and strappy to neutralize the red glittery bling. And in the last one, Ruby finds a pair of clear heels--on sale. An important caveat for her considering she may not wear the shoes much after her birthday.

When Ruby gets home, she drops the bag to her couch. She might be crazy to go back to Greenlight. Yes, they are memories there, but who’s to say that she couldn’t build more there. Why should the only ones she has of the place be tainted by a heaviness that could be replaced?

____

It’s mutually decided that Ruby can’t be the designated driver for her own birthday. She only offered as a way to keep herself on a leash drinking wise. But her group of friends quickly shot that down. She slips on the gold hoops as Tiff corrals the already tispy group. She can perfectly enjoy a birthday while being sober, or as close to sober as she could realistically be with a shot or two in her.

Ruby hears the glasses clinking in her living room. The rest of the group has been sipping on fruity wine. It’s cheap, but good. Tiff hands over her tube of buttergloss. “Peachy nudes always pop more with a little bit of gloss. Always.”

Ruby takes it, just taking in the tube of glass, a fair pink. “Noted.”

___

The Greenlight is packed as always. Bodies look like a giant sea, swaying to and fro. Ruby looks over to the corner. Calum’s not there. She didn’t expect him to be there. But she had a fleeting hope. A sliver of it sits in her chest and drops when there’s just a couple talking, leaned in close to each other. Calum would be sitting there, beanie on his head. The look would not be complete without his leather jacket. She suddenly wishes she had it draped over her shoulders.

A whiskey would be in Calum’s hand of course. Maybe he’d wink at her. Maybe he’d just watch her dance with her friends. He’d offer of course to pay for a drink or two, but he’d really only be on the sidelines to let her enjoy the night. At the end of the night, when her world is still swimming with the buzz of her shots, Calum would probably tuck her into bed with water on the nightstand. “No dying on me tonight,” he’d whisper.

For a fraction of a second, Ruby wishes she had made Calum promise that too. So that she could be angry for his death for him leaving her. But it really wasn’t of his own volition. That was a choice made for him by someone else’s hand.

“We’ve got a birthday girl!” Tiff shouts, grabbing Ruby’s arm.

Ruby’s imagined version of Calum disappears as she’s dragged to the bar. It takes her a moment to start reaching for her clutch to grab her ID. The bartender smiles. “And what will she have?” There’s a quick glance at the ID. Ruby thinks it most definitely isn’t long enough to see her age at all.

“Whiskey. Straight.” The order falls from her lips without her thinking.

Tiff blinks. “Well that’s different than your usual.”

The only thing Ruby does is shrug. She can offer no explanation. It just feels like the right thing to do. The bartender nods and turns. The rest of the girls order shots or fruity drinks strong enough to knock a grown man over.

The night doesn’t feel too special. Ruby manages to snag a few free drinks for her friends. The music thumps in her bones and the bass shakes her core. The bodies are still moving in mass, a sway. She finds herself looking to that corner again. The couple’s since left and it’s empty. She wonders if that spot feels like wearing Calum’s jacket.

Telling Kourtney that she’s headed to the bathroom, Ruby sneaks away from the group. She climbs into the high chair, into Calum’s chair. It feels different up here. To watch everyone living their life. To know that someone’s going to home with someone else, to know that they are all in the middle of something—a breakup, trying to break a two year single streak. Whatever the case may be, every single person on that floor has a life headed in some direction. And she gets to watch the intersections. She gets to see how all the webs cross and unravel.

“I’m very grateful you are a creature of habit. Or finding you would’ve been hell.”

Ruby’s heart thunders, the veins in her neck thumping clearly behind the skin. She knows that voice anywhere. Even if she’s only heard it the one time in her apartment. She could identify it in a crowd of thousands. “Don’t you have other lives to ruin?”

Lucifer grins. “Don’t shoot the messenger.”

“That is absolutely rich coming from you. So why the fuck are you here?”

“I’m on a delivery. And I don’t think you’d be too receptive of my other Hunters.”

“To what? Deliver a harsh reminder that you killed one of my best friends? Thanks. Especially on my birthday. Perfect timing. You asshole. You’re such a goddamn asshole.” Ruby slips down from the hair, reaching back up to grab her drink.

“Just listen for two second,” he hisses. When her hand comes up, he drops the long velvet box into it. “It’s from your friend. He never got around to giving it to you. So I figured I’d be nice. For once.”

“From Calum?”

“Yeah, from him.”

“What is it?”

“Look I’m just delivering the damn thing. I don’t ask questions about what it is. Do you realize that does spoil the whole thing about gift giving?”

“How long has he had it?”

“Again, that is not something I can answer.”

If it weren’t for the fact that he was delivering something from Calum, she’d smack him. Maybe. It’s not like he’d feel it. Calum didn’t feel the left swing she gave him. Granted, it would be more for the affect, for the spectacle.

“Apparently it’ll mean something to you. He’s been whining. Enjoy the rest of your day. Drink the spirits for me too.” With that, Lucifer slithers through the crowd. She notes it’s less of a walk and more of a glide. Calum had a swagger to his walk. Never rushed but never slow either. Ruby cracks open the box.

A gold anklet stares back up at her. A small charm is attached. A mason jar etched into the gold plate with a C and R carved inside as well. Her eyes water. He’s had to have it for a while, holding onto it for some reason, for some sort of occasion. He mentioned getting her a gift. Only to her once. In passing, during Christmas. He said he wanted to give her something to remember him by that wouldn’t be subjected to the erosions all memories face.

He wasn’t sure what to get though. Wasn’t sure how to give it to her. Sure he’d give her small things--surprising her with candy, or giving her t-shirts that he thought she’d enjoy mostly because of the crazy sayings printed on them. But he wanted to give her something tangible, that would fade to the wear of a machine.

Ruby looks up back into the crowd. Lucifer’s is long gone. She continues to stare out over the packed dance floor. Will he show back up? And what he meant by Calum was whining? Calum was dead. The dead can’t complain, can’t speak, can’t blink. There is nothing but silence from them, right?

“Ruby! That’s one hell of a piss,” Kourtney laughs. Her eyes are glassy, Ruby notes. Maybe she won’t notice the tears forming in the corner of Ruby’s eyes.

“Helping another girl,” Ruby lies, tucking the box away. “Zipper got caught.”

“C’mon. We got more shots. We need you.”

Ruby extends the hand not holding the chain. They filter through the crowd, over to the counter. She takes the glass of clear liquor, knocking the glasses together. As the liquid slides down her throat, it burns. What burns more is the thought that Calum might be alive somewhere out there in the depths of Hell.

Ruby crawls back into bed. The gold anklet dances against her skin. The last shot still pounds against her head. But the question would not leave her alone. Could Calum still be alive? She saw the dust. But Calum made her promise that she couldn’t watch. Right now, she wishes she had. She would know for sure, with her own eyes if death had truly ruined her.

Her computer, even dimmed, still is harsh against her eyes. But she squints and opens a new window of Google, incognito. Like it’s illegal to search questions about demons. If it didn’t hurt to laugh, she’d chuckle at herself.

Can you kill a demon?

Ruby waits, blinks her eyes once and Google returns with answers, all in blue. She groans and clicks on the link. There had to be a color for the font that was easier on the eyes in the hangover state filled with curiosity.

Demon traps, salt circles, holy water, heavenly fire, blades.

This isn’t actually helping, she huffs. So clicks away from that link and back to the search results. Please work, she begs clicking another link. She skims over the black text. You can’t actually kill a demon. It surely look like Calum had died to her. It felt like he had died. Because if he was still kicking around he’d find a way to find her, to talk to her.

Unless he couldn’t communicate with her like before. Ruby doesn’t know the first thing about how to communicate with any other spiritual beings. But there’s nary a question that Google can’t at least attempt to answer.

How do you communicate with the dead?

Ruby pauses. Should she type in how to summon a demon?

She is trying to summon one, technically. She’ll start there with the dead. To her that is what Calum is. He is dead. A dead friend. No matter the status of his spirit, he is dead to her. There’s seance, alters, crystals. Her brain begins to spin. So she closes the screen and lays back into her purple fuzzy pillows. They can offer some solace from the pounding of too much alcohol and too little water and the sting of tears. Calum can’t still be out there. She can’t handle that.

___

The leather jacket is overkill. She knows. But staring up at the bookcase of books, she finds warmth in knowing that she is carrying a small part of Calum with her. Titles jump up out at her. Most of them centering around Wicca. She’s intrigued and pulls one down. She thumbs through the pages and holds it into the crook of her elbow.

The Handbook of Witchcraft slips onto the top of her stack. People pass her by and no one seems to blink an eye. It’s her little secret, her little endeavor. To everyone else though, she is just down an aisle in the bookstore. She is just carrying a stack of books. She is just a patron amongst the fairly quiet calm river of the bookstore. She’s not making a ripple or bothering a soul. She is a nobody taking up space meant to be occupied.

She settles into the cafe attached inside the store. Her stack is about four high. She might as well get started now. The whirring of machines blurs into the background of her mind.

“Just starting out I see?”

Ruby glances up. Another black girl with pink box braids tips her plastic cup at her stack. “Looking for answers,” Ruby says.

Reaching into her pocket, the young girl finds a pen and takes a napkin from the small stack Ruby grabbed for her muffin. The girl scribbles down the at symbol followed by what looks like a username. “This is my Instagram. Message me if you need help.”

“Thanks.” Ruby smiles. “Like the hair.”

“Gotta get them redone. New in town. Still looking for a stylist.”

Ruby reaches into her purse. She grabs a business card for her and the salon. “I do eyebrows mainly. But the salon I work in is black owned.”

“You’re a lifesaver.”

“It can be hard out there.”

Ruby knows she’s been at the store too long when the afternoon sun fades into a pastel orange. Packing up the stack, she proceeds to the registers. The cashier looks unphased, pushing their reward card and membership. Ruby’s thankful. Her secret is safer for even a little bit longer, safe even from the cashier, who probably cares nothing about her life to start with.

___

Ruby laughs at herself walking into IKEA, even though her entire house is completely furnished. Nothing is broken either. She’s still here though. She gets lost every time she walks through the doors. Taking a survey of the shop, she takes a deep breath. Just a small end table. That’s all she needs. She’ll start there.

It takes an entire half an hour and help from two different employees but she secures the end table she needs. It’s on sale, or there’s some sort of special. The small wooden two tiered table is only 10 bucks, not including the taxes. It’s even small enough for her carry herself to her car. Though several employees offer one the flatbeds to help her walk even easier. Ruby know she could’ve easily gotten one for free, maybe with more characters, more knicks in it.

All the articles she read mentioned that the table wasn’t the important part. There would be more money to spend elsewhere. Is it wrong to want to give Calum the best if he’s still out there? The only thing Ruby can do is just give it a shot. As she slides the large cardboard box into her truck, she pauses. It’s just a shot.

It would be funny to have an ivory cloth to cover it, Ruby thinks. Though black is more fitting. She settles later on, while in Target, for a Halloween themed one, black with silver trimming. It’s clearly been lingering since the holidays. She’s shocked they haven’t been tossed out yet by the store. It hasn’t been that long since the holiday, though. So maybe it isn’t old enough to be thrown out just yet.

Calum might be pissed. She can almost hear his voice in her head, deeming worthy of at least something solid back. But Ruby figures he has a small silver streak in himself. Even if he refuses to believe it himself.He’d probably refute it. Tell her she’s the only silver streak in his damnation.

Ruby would then tell him he’s much too harsh on himself. She misses those moments, the bickering even though it’s not real. Twisting the last screw into place, Ruby looks at the gold anklet again.

He’s been whining.

Is she insane? Has she finally gone off the deep end to be sitting in her bedroom, screwing together an end table to create an altar? Calum might not even be on the other side. He could all the day dead. He could be really good.

But why the present tense? Was it false hope, some sort of unresolved sadness or fear that kept her clinging to any gram of hope?

Honestly, it didn’t matter. If she was insane, Ruby would find out soon enough, right? If she was insane to try and communicate with a damned soul, then it wouldn’t work. She’d just have a spare end table and a cool table cloth to help her decorate for the holidays. It wouldn’t be a waste if it all went to shit on her.

___

“You have to set it up for what you need. You can add traditional elements. But they’re really customizable.”

“I need it for like,” Ruby starts then stops, readjusting her grip on the thread.

“No, no. I need not know,” Jasmine reprimands. Her eyes are still closed. Her fingers still holding the skin taut.

Ruby cleans up the underbrow before moving to the top of the bone. “Aren’t their guides for this kind of stuff? Could I go to someone else to do this?”

“I mean you could yes,” Jasmine says. Ruby brushes away the plucked hairs and moves to the right brow. “You’re looking for something maybe more along the lines of a psychic.”

“I don’t know. Everytime I think I can do it, I chicken out.”

“Just sit for a few minutes. Even if the altar isn’t complete just sit in front of it for a few minutes. Smudge it before and after. Besides, you’re not going to get it right on your first try. It’s not about getting it right the first time either. You have to feel it, know what you’re looking for, know when you’ve found it.”

Ruby hums, focused now on the string pulling the right hairs from the roots. When done and the brows outlined, Ruby hands Jasmine the mirror. “What do you think?”

“Holy fuck,” Jasmine gapes. “My brows have never looked this good.”

“I do my best.”

“You fucking slayed it is what you did.” Jasmine turns her head side to side, to make sure it’s not just a trick of the light and angle. The truth is no, her brows look this good for every angle thanks to the talent of Ruby. Jasmine adds a ten dollar tip to the fee. “I’ll be back for sure.”

“Glad you’re happy with them.”

Jasmine grabs a couple of business cards from the display on the front desk. “For friends,” she notes before shouting loudly over her shoulder. “Bye ladies. See y’all later.”

The entire shop responds with a shout too. Ruby leans into the glass front desk. The sidewalks are pretty dead. A couple boys hanging out because of the barber shop next door. There’s a convenience store at the corner of the block, where most people grab snacks for before coming into their hair appointments. Ruby would go there to grab snacks before movie snacks. She managed to sneak out of the salon well before closing sometimes and because of that, she could load up before calling Calum. Never texted.

The rest of the day is pretty slow. It’s only Tuesday though. The closer to the weekend they get, the busier it becomes. Ruby walks into her apartment. It’s quiet and she thinks about turning on her TV. There’s never anything on, so she lets the silence lingers and gets water instead. The table is still bear in the corner of her bedroom. Just the cloth. Ruby finds the shoebox in the top of her closet. She pulls the only photo she has of Calum. Just him reclining on her couch in a green t-shirt and sweats.

He’s not even looking at her, too busy browsing her computer. He was trying to prove her wrong about the meaning of carnations. This then took him down the rabbit hole of flora meaning, which he spent twenty minutes reading aloud to her. Ruby has since put it in a gold frame. It fits him. So she sets the frame onto the table, just right in the center.

Ruby sits in front of it. Just admiring the photo. Her clock ticks in her ear. The water sits on the floor, still in the cup. Ruby lights one of the incenses. Rhodney gave her a good deal on them. He helped her get into this apartment. And she just sits. Eyes closing briefly. This is nice, peaceful. Just her, sinking into the floor, thinking about Calum. She lets the lavender scent settle into her lungs.

Ruby sits cross legged, mind suspended between the reality that she is in her bedroom and the shallow pool of not having to think about anything. She can just bathe in the memories, his love of chocolate pretzels, the way he always smelled a little like nicotine but mostly like wooden musk of cologne.

Maybe Calum couldn’t communicate with her. Ruby knows in her heart of hearts that Calum would fight heaven and high water to keep in contact with her if he could. This had to be on her to figure out. Ruby couldn’t rely on Calum’s supernatural abilities anymore. This was a fight she’d have to take up on her own.

There’s a small rumble. She can hear the clink of her glass. She thinks it’s the glass clinking against the floor. But she doesn’t dare open her eyes. Then her phone rings from the living room.

“Shit,” she whispers, standing up. She was positive she had turned it on silent. But she can never be sure anymore. It’s only a spam call. She was searching for a new health insurance plan and now the companies don’t leave her alone.

When Ruby returns to her bedroom, her glass of water is still.

___

“You really need at least 4 people to communicate with spirits. Don’t want to be doing that kind of shit alone,” Jasmine hums. She sucks through her straw, the bottom of it clearly in nothing but air.

“I don’t really have 3 other people that would be down for that,” Ruby counters. The coffee shop is loud. It’s a shock for how late in the day it is. But for those that need the caffeine, it matters not the time of day for them.

“Well, now you only need 2 more people,” Jasmine grins, finishing off the last of her scone.

“You’re going to help me?” Her disbelief is clear in her question. Why would Jasmine potentially be subjecting herself to the unknown for Ruby? It’s probably less unknown for Jasmine than it is unknown for Ruby.

“Of course.”

“You do know what I’m asking you to do right?”

Jasmine laughs. “Yes, I’m aware.”

Her latest hairstyle are crochet locs. The fake hair has the ends dyed royal blue. Ruby notes that she always has to have a pop of color with her hair. She likes it. The way Jasmine’s always so free to express herself. Ruby does that too, with her hair too, but more so through her nails. She’s not sure what color to get this time. Though every time she goes into the nail salon, her eyes drift to the olive green. The same color of the shirt in the picture.

“You’ve got time to get your nails done today?” Ruby asks.

Jasmine looks over the black polish she put on about a week ago. It’s chipped a little. It was a rush job on her part. “I hadn’t planned too, but sure.”

“My treat,” Ruby adds on.

“Sold.”

Knocking on Kourtney’s door, Ruby wonders if she’s already gone for the day. She tried to text before driving over it. Kourt hadn’t responded though by the time they got there. Kourtney keeps her car in the garage, so there’s no way to know. The door cracks open just as Ruby’s phone buzzes in her pocket. “Well this is a surprise,” Kourtney laughs.

“Kourt this is Jasmine. Jasmine, Kourtney.” The two ladies wave at each other. “Think you can squeeze us in.”

“For you, Rubs, always. No matter how last minute it is.”

Ruby knows that tone, it’s joking but serious. “I promise this won’t be a common occurrence.”

“Oh I know it won’t.”

As the drill buffs over Ruby’s growth, Kourtney clicks her tongue. Her nose and mouth are hidden behind the dusk mask. The raised eyebrow is clear. She’s not buying this pitch, not in the slightest. The fine powder flies under the harsh light of the lamp bent over Ruby’s nails. “You want me to do what now?”

Ruby knows what she’s asking is probably insane. “Just be there. That’s all.”

“We are too black to be fucking with spirits.”

Ruby looks over to Jasmine, who just shrugs. Her gel manicure is freshly cured, though she sits under the nail dryers for her toes. “I mean, I totally get where she’s coming from. But at the same time, if you look at other religions, they do the same thing all the time.”

“Like what?” Kourtney tuts, pulling the drill away from her work. Ruby’s hand is still firm in her grasps.

“Do you know about orishas?” Jasmine asks.

“Do I know about what?”

“They’re deities, gods,” Ruby explains. “I mean, it’s not totally the same. In that belief system people who practice are mounted.”

“Mounted?”

“The deity descends and uses the practitioners physical form, or body, during rituals.” Ruby wants to avoid the term possess. That would only serve to fuel Kourtney’s resistance.

“Just say possess them. You can say it,” Kourtney huffs.

“It’s not like the deity stays forever.”

“So, for argument sake, people are mounted by these spirits. And you want to equate that to openly knocking on the supernatural’s door and just ask them to chill out with us until whomever you’re trying to contact shows up. Is that what you’re asking me to do?”

“Well, it’s less about just chilling with spirits than it is trying to directly contact one. But yeah, let’s go with that version,” Ruby returns.

“You’re fucking insane.” Kourtney’s tone isn’t harsh. It’s not even condescending. She just sounds tired, and maybe even a little flabbergasted. She can see Ruby’s desperate. Kourtney thinks she might be too if a friend just suddenly upped and died. It’s different than when Kourtney’s grandmother died. She had reasons. There was an explanation and a clear peace at the end.. Her grandmother was older, had been teetering on the edge really for a while. She wasn’t deathly ill, just getting up in age. She was starting to forget things easily. She couldn’t do the same things as before. In all honesty, her grandmother’s peaceful slip from temporary slumber to a permanent sleep is the best outcome.

Kourtney changes the bit on her drill, taking down the length of the old set. “If I become haunted, I’m making friends with the ghostman and getting them to haunt your ass instead. I don’t have the time be fucking haunted, alright? Ain’t no ghost finna pay my bills.”

Ruby looks over to Jasmine. She hadn’t expected that to happen. She thought she’d ask. She’d get told no. Ruby halfway thought Kourtney would shut her down when she started talking about the deities. But to have Kourtney agree--that comes from left field. “Are you high right now?”

“No but I just might hint a blunt after dealing with you.”

The room echoes with laughter. “I’ll even roll it for you,” Ruby offers, her chest still hiccuping with tufts of laughter.

“Nah, it’ll be haunted or some shit. I’ll roll my own blunts. Thank you.”

___

Jasmine’s friend, who only goes by Ash, settles down last in the circle. He’s a psychic, according to his Instagram. Ruby’s talked to him once face to face. His voice is too deep, too alluring. But he doesn’t carry himself like he takes life too seriously. It made him more inviting. The long hair, it’s always braided back. Ruby can appreciate his humor. His stare can be intense, dark brown keen eyes. They don’t ever miss anything.

As his hands wrap around Ruby’s, his gaze is stern. His tone is softer. He has no qualms with people getting the answers that they need. But he doesn’t want them to do it for all the wrong reasons.“Are you sure about this?”

Ruby’s not really completely sure. She was never really supposed to talk about Calum. She was supposed to keep all this shit quiet. But if it weren’t for her run at Greenlight, she could be at peace. She doesn’t need constant communication. She just needs to verify. Calum really might be out there. “It’s the only shot I’ve got.”

Ash nods. He can understand that. With the board settled down, Ruby begins. Kourtney keeps flicking her gaze about the small circle. She prays to God she doesn’t wind up haunted because of this shit and she prays Ruby’s not diving into the deep end either. Even though Kourtney is not well versed in how hauntings work, she knows that no matter where Ruby goes these spirits can and probably will follow.

“I am asking if my friend Calum is still out there,” Ruby starts. Her hands are shaking a little. She can hear the quiver in her own voice.

It’s silent. Ruby watches, blinking erratically. Does she even want to contact Calum? Should be doing this at all? It could be best to live and let die. Kourtney shifts on the floor. They’re all situated in Ruby’s bedroom, around the small little table that holds a picture. Kourtney thinks this must be the friend, this Calum.

The lights are off. The room’s already decent temperature wise. But Ruby doesn’t miss the small distinct breeze across her face. It’s easy to think that when presented with this scenario she would be brave. But right now, she can feel her gut leaping. “Oh shit. Did anyone else feel that breeze?”

Jasmine, to the left of Ruby, speaks up. “Can the spirit in this room confirm that you are Ruby’s friend? Gently move a piece on the altar.”

Ruby watches the gold anklet. Even in the flickers of the candle light, it glitters more than the picture frame. She placed the charm upside down. Whether it was on purpose, Ruby can’t say for sure. But a part of her did hope that if she were to have any success that the anklet would be the first thing Calum would reach for. He’d know the significance.

Nothing happens. Ruby probes whatever might be reaching out to them to move something. The minutes pass and there is nothing still. The charm does not flip over. Another breeze does not come by. There is nothing. Just the rising and falling of four chest in Ruby’s bedroom. Any potential spirits that crossed over are thanked. The circle is closed. The candles are blown out. “Did you feel anything besides the breeze?” Jasmine asks.

Ruby shakes her head. Sometimes she wishes she hadn’t decided to keep her hair short. The longer the hair, and even the longer the weave, she could’ve hidden her disappointment, the wobble of her chin. “Sometimes, you’re not always successful on your first try,” Ash counters. His voice is soft, much like the touch of his hand on Ruby’s shoulder.

“Thanks,” Ruby answers. Her voice is thick as it leaves her throat.

It’s rude, she knows. Ruby shuts herself into the bathroom. The door swings close and clicks with a harsh thud. She only needs a moment. Just a second. Just so the first hot tear can run down her cheek. She was a fool. How could she really believe that this would work? Hope made everyone blind. Everyone could probably see that it would never work. And yet, they had hoped for her that it would work. Yet they had sat in her bedroom like children at a sleepover, playing with spirits.

Ruby couldn’t be that mad at them. They were only trying to help her. But did no one think to stop her, to save her from this embarrassment? She sniffles hard, wiping at her cheeks. She’s never really had a flush on her face. But right now, behind the copper tones of brown skin, she can feel the heated flush taking over. Why would he do such a thing to her? She was a fucking fool to believe the gift was actually from Calum. He’s dead. His ashes are still in that godforsaken mini mason jar. There is no bringing him back.

There’s nothing left of him. His soul was already damned to Lucifer. There was no way he would let anything remain. Ruby would’ve done better to just talk to open air than to try and communicate with Calum. She was just a fucking fool.

With another harsh sniffle, Ruby opens the door. If her eyes are red, they’ll just have to be red. “Thanks for subjecting yourselves to this. I owe you guys.” She doesn’t hide the quiver that takes over her chest.

“Rubs,” Kourtney sighs, hugging her friend. Ruby shakes like a dog caught in a thunderstorm in Kourtney’s arms. “Do you want me to stay with you?”

“N-no,” Ruby croaks. “I’ll call if I need you though.”

Kourtney thinks for a moment. She could refuse Ruby’s wishes and have to deal with a crying and pissed Ruby or she could just wait for the phone call. Ruby will probably still be crying if she calls, but at least there won’t be any anger. “I’ll be near my phone.”

As the door creaks close, Ruby locks it, bottom and top locks before sliding down the steel door. Here she is again. On her fucking knees crying over Calum again. She wants to laugh. She really does. It catches between her sobs in ragged coughs. “Fucking of course,” she pants. “Of course.”

She pushes her hands and crawls to the edge of the coffee table. Right where she was when Calum died. “I thought it was only lovers that were supposed to hurt like this.” Her speech is interrupted by sobs. But she continues on. “I thought only lovers were supposed to rip your fucking heart out.”

“They say talking to yourself is a sign of insanity.”

Even though her vision is nothing but a watery field of tears, she knows that pale skin. “Don’t you have some other poor soul to torture? Don’t you have anybody else to fuck over? Haven’t you ruined my fucking life enough?” she shouts. Her hand finds a coaster and lobs it before she can even think, still half hung onto the edge of the coffee table. It requires too much energy to support herself on her elbows. She just hangs her weight into the sturdy piece of furniture.

“He heard you calling. So I had to answer,” Lucifer returns.

“You’re such a fucking liar.” Ruby wishes she could smite him. Do anything to him to make him feel the ache in her chest. Would it take a bolt of lightning? Did he hold anything precious to his heart?

“I’m many things.”

“Leave me the fuck alone, God.”

Lucifer fakes a hiss, throwing up a cross with his fingers. “We don’t say His name around me.”

Ruby drags the sleeve of her shirt under her nose. Her tears, though they roll down her face, have stopped stinging her behind her eyes. “That’s a corny ass joke.”

Lucifer shrugs, pushing his hands into his pockets. “Figured I’d give it a shot. See if you’d stop cursing me out.”

“You’re still an asshole. So no, it didn’t work.” Ruby finally pushes up from the coffee table and falls into the legs of the couch. She stares out into the open dining room, at the table pushed up against the wall, right under the window sill. Calum would sit most nights that he stayed over in front of it. He said watching the night relaxed him. But she wonders now if she was watching for Lucifer. If Calum knew all along that he was playing with a fire that would burn him.

It would hurt more if he just disappeared, Ruby thinks. If Lucifer somehow got him in the middle of the night while she was sleeping and Calum just wasn’t there. If he never showed up with another note under her door. That would hurt more. Not knowing would kill her more than knowing Ruby figures. She probably wouldn’t have noticed it at first. But as the days blended into weeks and the weeks turned into months without any contact from Calum--that would kill her. Slowly and then all at once she’d lose her head.

“Mind if I sit?” Lucifer asks.

“And if I say I do. What are you going to do? Kill me?”

“I’d never kill for such a frivolous thing.”

Ruby whips her head to look at him. “You killed Calum? And for what? Being my friend?”

“I don’t have to explain that to you.”

“No, you do! You do have to explain that to me.”

“I don’t,” Lucifer defends.

“Oh, but you do, Lucifer.” She’s never uttered his name before. It made him too real if she did. Made Calum’s death too real. But right now, after what just happened, or didn’t happen, he owes her that much. She can say his name. It is not lead on her tongue anymore.

“Ah, she does remembers my name.”

“I could never forget it.”

“Ruby, I don’t owe you any explanation. I didn’t owe it to Calum to make the trip before or this one. But I’m doing it.”

“What the fuck did he do?” Ruby pushes up from the floor. Her face is tight. She knows her eyes are red. There’s probably snot on the sleeve of her shirt. It doesn’t matter though. She’s going to get these answers. “Tell me. What is so wrong about finding a friend?” She searches his gaze, seeing if he’d crack.

The only thing Lucifer does is take a step forward to her. There’s still a good foot between them. “If you’re boss gave you a rule, and you broke it, couldn’t you be fired for it?”

Ruby takes a small step forward. “Depends on how big the rule was.”

“I’ve ruled with an iron fist. And I will always continue to do so.” Lucifer meets her step, but only after his statement crosses his lips.

No one moves again. There’s only another step between them. “Don’t tell me you have a soft spot? You can’t have a soft spot for the person you killed.”

“Calum isn’t a person.”

“He was to me.” Ruby closes the gap. Finger poking at his chest. “He was as real to me as Kourtney, or Tiff. Or anyone else in this world. He was a person to me and that’s all that matters.”

“We are monsters. Me included,” Lucifer states. “He is nothing more than a hound now. Just like all the rest.”

“And who did that to him? Who did that?” Ruby hates to get loud. But the emotion leaps from her. Her fists are furling at her side.

Lucifer must admit she’s bolder than he took her for and far less fearful than he thought would happen for something that just tried to summon a demon into their bedroom. Though, anyone trying to do that must not hold much fear to begin with. “I know what I’ve done.”

“And is this supposed to make me feel better? Is this you trying to rectify the situation?”

“No. I can’t fix anything now. What’s done is done.”

Ruby cracks, she can feel her core crumbling. The tears come back. She presses the heel of her hands into the sockets of her eye. “Just tell me what you did. Is he really dead?” She pleads. The tough guy act is exhausting. All she wants to do is cry again, curl into her sheets and let the ache fall over her throat in screeches.

Lucifer, for just a second, lets himself peer down at her. She stands right under his chest. He can see what Calum meant about how endearing it feels. “The Calum you knew no longer exists. You can’t summon him. His physical form is dust.”

“The whip?”

“Turned over to another owner.”

“They’re temporary to you. They’re nothing,” she gaps. It really ought not be a shock. It is the devil she’s dealing with. She’s not dealing with someone human. But it still shocks her.

“We’re all nothing. Calum got a second shot at his life. And he fucked it up. Like he always does.”

Ruby shoves Lucifer. Her palms hitting hard into his chest. Lucifer stumbles back half a step but plants his feet to catch himself. “He didn’t. He didn’t do anything wrong!” She can see the pointed tail rising behind him. She sees the flash of fire in Lucifer’s eyes. “Do it. Fucking do it, I dare you.” Now she’s really gone insane. To goad the devil like this. But she doesn’t care.

It’s a steel resolve that stills Lucifer. It stills even Ruby. “You don’t mean that,” Lucifer taunts. “You couldn’t possibly mean it.”

“You don’t know what I mean and what I don’t.”

Lucifer grins, lowering the tail. “I do know that what’s left of your precious Calum whines for you. He curses himself for messing things up with you. It’s ironic really. To be subjected to an eternal curse and then curse yourself on top of that.”

Ruby just stares. She’s tired of the circle games. She’s tired of begging. If he’s going to explain himself, then he will. And if he won’t explain himself, he can go right back to the place he came from. So Ruby remains silent. Lucifer blinks at her.

He says nothing either, waiting for her rebuttal. She’s a smart girl; she’ll have something, Lucifer figures.

A few more moments go by. “Nothing to say?” Lucifer asks.

Ruby remains quiet.

“Did Calum ever tell you he was a Hunter for me? Really the head of them. That’s why I gave him the whip.” Lucifer stops for a moment. She look unphased for the moment. He sees the way she’s biting on the inside of her lip though. “I can’t bring him back,” Lucifer admits. “He still exist. Just not like you knew him as. You can’t bring him back.”

Ruby wants to look away. But she doesn’t. She takes a breathe. “You took everything from him. I hope you know that. I hope you know the destruction you’ve caused, Lucifer. Whatever good he had going on in his life, whether it was damned to you for eternity or not, all that good is gone.”

“It’s like the Big Guy said. All I’m good for it stealing, killing, and destroying. We’ve all got our parts to play. I brought you the anklet because I thought it would get him off my back. He’s relentless when it comes to you. He wanted me to give him updates. Him! Like he runs the fucking place.”

“So, tell me, do you give him updates? Why else would you be here?”

“No, actually, I heard you knocking on my front door with that summoning circle. But I didn’t think the others would take kindly to me showing up.”

Ruby has to laugh. She really does and it escapes her in dry tufts. “Tried to summon a friend and I got a piece of shit instead.”

“Yeah, I’m not the greatest, alright. I know. Just because I took Calum’s status away, just because I stripped him of his physical form doesn’t mean he can’t annoy the shit out of me in Hell.”

“And you can’t undo it? Can’t give him back his human form?”

Lucifer shakes his head. “If The Big Guy himself had to flood the earth to start over, there’s no way He’s giving me more powers than Him. He can’t snap his fingers to undo anything and I can’t snap mine.”

“What rule did Calum break? What the hell did he do deserve that?”

“I told you. Rules have to be followed. That’s that.”

“I can’t ever talk to him again. I can’t ask Calum so I’m asking you. I’m giving you the second shot you don’t fucking deserve.”

This isn’t a second shot, Lucifer thinks. He never gets those. Not that he’s ever deserved them in any capacity ever. But Ruby’s pleading stare is maybe just enough to crack his chest open. “I told him not to get too close. I told him that if he got too close to you it would be his head. You might’ve called me a liar. But others would disagree.”

Ruby sucks in a breath, turning away. Her hands cover her face. But that’s not enough darkness so she closes her eyes behind the fabric. “In my house. In front of me!”

“There’s a reason why he told you not to watch.”

She can picture it all now. There was no sound. But she can see, clear as day, a fistful of Calum’s curl in Lucifer’s fist as Calum’s body slumped away before disappearing. She wonders if his eyes blinked close, if Calum had just enough life in him to finish that action. Or they were probably already closed before the last blow was delivered. Was he thinking of her? Was she Calum’s last thought?

Lucifer’s voice interrupts her buzzing mind. “The anklet’s actually from him. I found it in his apartment while I was cleaning it out. I had some others keep it safe. I wouldn’t have given it to you, in all honesty. I was going to have it pawned. Needed the cash for some other earthly endeavours. But I could never bring myself to fucking do it. So I gave the boy what he wanted. I gave it to you. His last good deed, he called it.”

“Do me a favor?”

“I’m not a middle man for the two of you. I agreed to give you the anklet and I only agreed to check up on you like once.”

“Just one thing,” Ruby sighs, turning to face Lucifer.

“Just one.”

“Don’t come back to me. Don’t check up on me. Don’t give him updates.”

“This is going to sound ironic coming from me. But he’s going to raise hell over that.”

“Tell him I told you not too. I want to remember him like he was drinking whiskey way to early in the day and always dawned in the leather jacket. I want to remember him like a friend.”

Lucifer sighs. Calum’s not going to like that. But he nods and says nothing as he exits her apartment. Through the front door this time. For a brief moment, Ruby finally realizes that she never opened the door for Lucifer in the first place. Could he have been the breeze she felt?

She was just torturing herself. Ruby never considered herself to be a masochist. Pain was never really her thing. But all she was doing was hurting herself. This was just a wound they kept picking the scab off of. It would always bleed if it’s never left alone. It can never clot and create new skin. Even if it leaves a scar, the thicker skin is more protection that busted blood vessels.

Ruby drags herself to her bedroom. Calum’s picture staring at her as she enters. She walks over, placing the photo face down. She’s gotta let him rest. Let herself rest really. What is she doing besides running herself into the ground. That’s all it is. She picks up the anklet, testing the weight in her hand again. It’s cold against her skin and has never been heavy until now. She sets onto the dresser next to her bed. In the morning she can think about whether or not to bear its weight again.

____

Lucifer can already imagine the roar that’s going to echo off the walls of his head. But he’s really only the message man, yet again. “Good news and bad news,” Lucifer starts.

“Bad news first.” His voice is harsher, more of a snarl in this state. Body much too large and too hunched for the man he once portrayed. The fire does like it does everyone, making the skin blister and turn a pinkish red. It’s a shock that anyone can hold out at the eternal flick of the flames like he does.

“You’re going to regret that. She wants to give you a good memory. Take it.”

“What?”

“Let her go. Let her remember you the way she knew you.”

While Calum would hate to admit Lucifer to right. It might be naive to think that Ruby wouldn’t try everything in her power to see him again. He’s not the man he used to be. He’s not in any position to be seen for what’s beneath it all, beneath the lies. “What’s the good news then?”

“You have a friend in her, even still. You’re lucky.”

He surely doesn’t feel lucky. Trapped here as his body is constantly burned and healed all within the same minute. He surely doesn’t feel lucky knowing that he won’t ever be able to answer a call from Ruby again. But if she’s willing to hold onto his memory, even with all the messed up shit he’s done, than he found something to be lucky about.

Though it’s never rest that finds his soul, Calum remembers the way she laughs and something like peace stills the moment. It’s a quiet calm that only simmers for a moment before the pain kicks in again. He takes the second of calmness whenever they come because they always bring her with them.

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jayshq · 5 years ago

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So, if you look at my followers I actually have 1,183, but that’s because this hasn’t always been Poe. I started this blog way back on Nov. 8, 2014 as Dean Winchester. It has gone through AT LEAST ten characters since then. So, a lot of these followers are dead accounts or abandoned accounts. However, when I started up Poe on here I made note that I had 1,083 followers. So, this is for the 100 of you that came here for my baby.

So, let’s get the follow forever out of the way. Let me start off by saying I’m going to forget people, I’m human. Also, I don't do very big follow forevers whenever I do them because I firmly believe in only having people who have had a very strong impact on me or Poe should be present on the list. That said, if you’re not on this list you are still very loved.

special mention of @bondforce for making this happen, thanks for being my 100th follower, lol.

REYS:

@dawnsabered : so, despite us not having any threads you’re first on this list because you re-sparked my love of the sequels and made me want to hop into this fandom again. Rping with you on Steve made me just adore the fandom more and more and made me want to bring back Poe. I’m eternally grateful to you for that. I have found such an amazing and welcoming home in this community and I wouldn’t have it without you, I love you loads, thanks a bunch.

@jedirisen : okay, so we met pretty early in and thank god we did. i adore your Rey, but more than anything you’ve been such an incredible friend. You’re always down to plot and create and just talk. You put up with my constant recommendations and are just one of the sweetest humans I’ve ever met. I’m super pumped that we found each other and I hope we have many great years of friendship ahead of us.

@fxrcefound : you’re a babe, you know that? Like, just such a good bean! Thank you for putting up with all my bullshit and being so fucking welcoming. I showed up in the fandom and within the first week we had multiple threads. I adore you, as does my Ben. Love’s his princess wife so much, tbh. But, no honestly I’m so glad I’ve found a friend in you. A gem, truly.

@scavenger-warrior : Ahhhh! Hi, I love you. So, first of all let me just say that our beautiful time leap verse (that all of our followers are currently being deprived of bc discord is so much better lol) is one of my all time favourite verses I’ve EVER done. It makes me so immensely happy and Ben is just in love.

@choosenskywalker : I’m TRASH! I’m so excited for the verses we have started, I’m just awful at replying. But, I really am so excited and I adore your writing, you’re very talented. You’re also super sweet and have the patience of a god. Thank you for being lovely, and I swear I’ll get better because I’m so excited to see where these things go.

@aequusjedi & @killingpast : you guys get a joint one because i love our poly babies despite me being a lazy bitch and not writing much with them yet. Nah, can I just say how excited I was when you joined our group Cas. I’m so excited to see how this develops and watch our babies fall in love. Aside from that though, both of you have been just lovely people OOC. I’m so lucky to have such wonderful partners like yourselves.

BENS:

@sithroyal : hey there! We also met in my early days here, and you’ve been such a joy to write with, no matter what character it’s on. You’re portrayal is one of pure perfection. I love writing with you and any reply always makes me so excited. On top of that you’ve been so kind and inviting and it really meant a lot since I was HELLA INTIMIDATED by you when I first got here.

@endheir : LOOK EVERYONE, IT’S J.J. ABRAMS EVIL TWIN, come to fix all the shit J.J. broke. No, seriously I am so impressed and will never not be intimidated by how amazing you and your writing is! THIS IS THE BEN SOLO WE DESERVED! But, you’re such a peach and so nice and I adore plotting with you. Thanks for being the bomb dot com.

@dyadalone : WE ARE CRACK ROYALTY, thank you very much. No, really though I love when we (and our friends) get up to our shenanigans. But, aside from that Poe is also just IN LOVE! And, I adore you OOC. Such a kind and loving person, you da best! I am so happy we found each other through this hellsite and can’t wait to see what nonsense our future brings.

@brokendyad : HELLO I LOVE YOU! You’re such a solid friend and such a talented writer. I’m so happy we get to have so much fun writing and plotting. You’re an absolute dear and I’ll never get over how lucky I am to have such amazing friends. Thanks for being great and I hope we stay close forever.

@lghtpulled : okay, so i can’t explain my infinite love for you. I can’t. All my characters over here being obsessed over your Ben. I’ve told you how much I adore your Ben, but I can’t say it enough. Also, our high school verse GIVES ME LIFE! But, nah you’re just so talented and SO KIND! I’m so glad that despite being SO FUCKING INTIMIDATED by you we managed to form this amazing friendship. I’m keeping you.

THE FAM:

@kesdameronn : SCARF DAD! No, lol I love that Poe’s dad is around. We haven’t done much yet but we have all the time in the world for the Dameron bros to get up to shit together. Also, Zep you are such a kind and cute soul and I just love ya!

@lieutenantxbey : Mama Dameron, how could we not love? Poe loves his mama so much and lowkey wants to be just like her. I love seeing Shara on the dash. And the few times we’ve spoken you’ve been just a ray of light, so keep being awesome.

@legacybeyne : this little shit! No, I’m kidding, Poe loves his cousin. Like wants to throw him out an airlock sometimes, but loves him. I adore this character so much and I’m so happy Poe has more family around. Also, OOC you seem like a super cool person, so definitely don’t stop that.

LUKE:

@jedishope : SHANE! I don’t know if I could tell you how much I actually adore you? Like, I don’t think I could. And, I low-key don’t want to because it would deffo scare you off, lol. But, no you’re just an absolute ray of sunshine and such a beautiful person. A person only has to talk to you for a second to see how just full or love and kindness you are. You bring so much joy to my dash and I’m forever thankful for it! Not to mention your Luke is hands down the best Luke I’ve ever seen. Absolutely perfect! I was so scared to approach you at first because you were just so fucking talented and obviously still are! I love your Luke with my whole heart and so does Poe.

HUX:

@muddledbloodlines : I am so excited for the verse we’ve created for our lonely babies and can’t wait to see where it goes. You have such an interesting take on this character and I love it! I’m so excited to get to know you better and really explore this. I’m honestly just in love with your writing and imagination.

OCS:

@congeriemgriseo : so it won’t tag you, which is RUDE! But, anyway: I adore Any. Such an incredibly well thought out and beautiful OC. I’m quite picky when it comes to OCs, despite having one of my own. But, I was enraptured from the moment I read her bio, and you have not disappointed! She’s such a beautiful little chaos machine and I love her.

@orderengineer : okay, so I actually usually despise OCs that are really kind. Because as much as Mary Sue characters are fine to write, I personally can’t write opposite them. However, that’s not what Syla is! She’s so much more complex than that and I adore her. Both Ben and Orion find her insanely interesting and think she’s super fucking talented. I love this character you've created. It’s also just insane to see my characters name on the dash lol. You’re also such a sweetheart OOC and it always makes my day.

@petitehux : so for anyone who doesn’t know? I LOVE Kat. Like, I am obsessed, I have 100s of photos of her saved on my phone. I am just in love. Her and Dove Cameron are my two ultimate celebrity crushes. Which was the original reason I decided to check out your blog, and I’m so fucking happy I did. Ryann is so fucking cool and I think she brings such an interesting dynamic to the whole trilogy story. I can’t wait for myself to stop being lazy and get some bomb shit going with this incredible OC.

I’M A STALKER (also we need to rp!):

@hopedyad : I love seeing you on my dash and I adore keeping up with your posts. You’re a super talented writer and I hope in the future I stop being a shy bean and we can actually do cool things lol. You seem super sweet and like you’ve got a wicked sense of humor OOC too.

@tornbetweenthestorm : So, I LOVE FN! It’s so great to see such an interesting OC. I adore the work and thought you’ve put into this character and his struggles. Anytime I stop to read one of your replies to a partner I’m just overcome by your brilliance. I’m so happy I stumbled across your blog (thank you tumblr recs) and have been lucky enough to be mutuals with you.

@iamthecrder : well hello there. So, yeah I think your Hux is super cool and right on the money. It’s so interesting to see a different version of him and I honestly think you’re so incredibly talented! Keep being awesome, my good dude.

OTHER:

@mangohub : Monroe. My love, what can I say? You’ve followed me from my original Alec all the way to here. Despite not being a Star Wars fan you still follow me on multiple of your blogs. I will always love you. I will also never stop being astounded by your talent and world building capabilities. In case there was any confusion, YOU ARE MY FAVOURITE PERSON ON TUMBLR. Also, you are the most talented person I’ve ever followed. I will never stop being so happy to see you, no matter the blog, on my dash. On top of being the most talented writer I know, you also happen to be the sweetest human on the planet. You have so much love in your heart and you pour into your friends like it’s going out of style. I’m so so lucky to have you and I love you, okay?

Obviously I don't talk to you lads enough, but a special shoutout to @poewingsdameron, @lightskipped, , @flyjacket, @sprklit & @vuuelo for playing this amazing bean alongside me.

Okay, now onto the giveaway. So, friendly reminder that I make all my own stuff, so if you want examples of my work just check out across my blogs. That being said, when it comes to graphics, icons, etc I’m not very talented with creating stuff myself, so I use other peoples free templates, borders, psds and so on. I think I’m decently talented at putting them together, though. Also, having me do it just saves you a stupid amount of time lol.

Simply enter by liking AND/OR reblogging, the winners will be chosen using a random number generator. I will contact each of you via IM (or discord if we have each other) to discuss getting to work on the prizes. The only real rule is DO NOT SPAM YOUR FOLLOWERS. I’m not gonna put a limit on how many times you can reblog, but be fucking courteous to your followers, okay? This giveaway ends on APRIL 10th at NOON GMT-6.

1st PLACE: 200 icons of the character of your choosing, a promo & a dash icon.

2nd PLACE: 100 icons of the character of your choosing & a dash icon.

3rd PLACE: 100 icons of the character of your choosing.

#☆☆☆ 𝓱𝓸𝓹𝓮 𝓲𝓼 𝓵𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓾𝓷 | save #☆☆☆ 𝓳𝓸𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓬𝓮 | promo #100 followers #follow forever #(i love you all a lot okay?)#(and im so thankful for everyone who's joined me on this ride)#(this is long af)#(i dont believe in just tagging people and not telling them why they rock so...)

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floweryfreelance · 4 years ago

Text

𝕴𝖓𝖌𝖗𝖆𝖙𝖆 𝕽𝖊𝖉𝖎𝖙𝖚𝖘

CHAPTER TWO

Table of Contents

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 |

This work of fiction is an original collaborative work between tumblr users @theearltrancy and @floweryfreelance. Its original format was in that of a roleplay, and has been edited to be a more cohesive story. This work was created on 11.10.20 and completed on 11.30.20.

Please consider following each author for more fictional works.

Alois had only spent only an hour at home reading before he couldn’t help but start getting dressed. A royal blue ensemble he had chosen, caked in golden trim and dripping with gemstones on the buttons. Alois dripped wealth once again. He had thrown his clothing from the earlier part of the day in the fire, burning his memories with it. Forget about France, forget about Jean, forget about Alice - that whore. He was home, he was back, and he was going to dinner with his real love. It was the first time he’d danced in ages, telling Claude he was excited to tell off the bluenette or plot against him, or- oh, hell, it didn’t matter. He could stack his lies again. He was unbothered.

When the carriage pulled up to the manor, he couldn’t help but betray his excitement. He stepped out, assisted as usual, but positively buzzing.

“Master,” Sebastian spoke through a cracked bedroom door. “Our guests have just arrived in their carriage.”

Ciel joined his butler and servants and fiance just inside the front doors, everyone seemingly taking position to prepare to welcome their guests. Ciel rarely invited guests, he never wanted anyone in his home unless he had no choice. For this evening, he chose his nicer evening attire, a deep blue ensemble with black lace trim along the sleeves and ends of the coat, with trousers and black boots to match. He adjusted the patch over his eye, nodding to Sebastian as a cue for him to open the door.

Lizzie slid her arm through his, squeezing him softly. “You don’t need to be so nervous, my love.” She cooed to him, a comforting and motherly tone coating her voice. “It’s just Alois.”

Ciel let his eyes fall shut for just a moment before opening them once more, turning to Lizzie with the most subtle of smiles on his face. “I know.”

Dinner was served rather quickly once the guests were welcomed. Alois and Ciel sat opposite of each other, while Lizzie took her place adjacent to the two young men. Placed before them were heaping plates of richly seasoned pork with sides of roasted potatoes and vegetables, accompanied by both a water glass and one of wine. The table was decorated with extra pieces of the fine China, as well as softly lit lavender candles to calm the atmosphere.

Excited to hear his stories, though trying to keep her proper composure, Elizabeth wasted no time in poking and prodding at Alois. “So, Alois,” She started, flattening her cloth napkin over her lap. “You said you went to France to attend a boys’ school, didn’t you? You must have had loads of fun when classes were over.” She giggled.

Ciel locked his gaze on his plate, eating small bites quietly.

Placed now across from the other man so close, Alois looked over the spread before him. Decadent food was a memory from times past, but the wine was familiar. Thin fingers curled around the stem, eyes unsure but smile bleeding out. It felt oddly like home, though it was a frame from an old movie now, dressed in fine china. His gaze lifted to the woman now, sinking into a character of himself.

“Loads of fun.” He specified, secretly hoping it would perk Ciel’s ears. “It was beautiful there. I simply realized I wished to see the world I’d been reading so much about at home, I suppose.” He paused to take another sip of wine and picked up his fork. “Though it was only a matter of time before I came home.”

Excited by his answer, Lizzie lightly clapped her hands together. “Oh, I knew it! I haven’t been to France since summertime four years go. I’ve been dying to go back. Their parties are always so lavish and the people so extravagant. Don’t you agree, Ciel?”

Ciel nearly winced at the mention of his name, secretly praying he wouldn’t have to partake in this dinner. “Yes,” he agreed in a monotone voice. “Very lavish and extravagant. You fit right in, Mr. Trancy.” He stated flatly, eyes only briefly looking up at Alois at the mention of his name.

Elizabeth shook her head at his mannerisms, smiling softly. “Ciel hasn’t been to France in ages either. When he went last, he had a beautiful portrait painted of himself.” She poked at her food. “I do wish you would hang it, my love. It is such a lovely painting.” She cooed to her fiance.

My love. “You were the one who convinced me to have it painted,” Ciel said. “I don’t have any need for self portraits.” He continued in a slightly quieter voice, hand coming up to his eye patch for no more than a second before returning to his lap. Half the time, he only knew what he looked like because Sebastian checked. He didn’t usually enjoy looking at himself.

Alois smiled at the glance, leaning back ever so slightly in his chair. False comfort suited him well as a man, clearly grown-up now and only slightly better at holding back the things he really wanted to say. Stories bubbled behind his lips, but he offered few.

“I agree. I’ve never seen it, but should it betray any of your looks- as a couple,” he added, as if an afterthought, “I can imagine the French did you well.”

The man smirked, toying now. He took another sip of his wine before placing it back down with grace and cutting off a piece of his pork. “If you ever get the chance to go again, I recommend Provins. The trade fair there is simply to die for.”

Provins, the city where Jean and himself shopped for meats and vegetables every weekend. Alois swallowed, the light in his eyes dimming for only a second. He wondered if any of the others could tell - something happened in Paris.

Ciel inhaled a bit of his wine upon hearing the Earl’s underhanded nuance. He coughed lightly, setting his wine glass down and dabbing at his lips with his napkin, shooting a piercing glare across the table at him. While he wouldn’t admit to himself that he missed Alois, he most certainly didn’t miss these little games of his.

“It truly is such a lovely painting.” Elizabeth smiled at Alois, oblivious to Ciel’s minor coughing fit. She paused slightly, curiosity creeping into her thoughts, but worried she may overstep a boundary. “Alois, if you don’t mind me asking,” she began, placing her hands in her lap. “You mentioned you met someone while in France.”

Upon their first meeting, Ciel had been in such shock he must have missed that comment entirely. He had met someone? He quickly averted his eyes to his plate, trying desperately to push the intrusive thoughts from his mind.

Who was he? Or was it a woman? Had he fallen in love or just found another toy to use for his own amusement? How long had it lasted?

No, he didn’t care. He couldn’t dare care. It would hurt too badly.

Alois coughed nervously at the question, playfulness leaving his face. It was truly a sad story that he wanted his lover to know. However, he had to play it cautiously, for it was also a forbidden story, one that could in the wrong hands land him in prison. Or worse, cut off from his loved ones, the only few he’d ever found.

“I supposed I don’t mind, no.” He took a bite of his dinner before a lump found its way into his stomach. “I did meet a woman. We… we were betrothed for a period of time. But she wanted another kind of life.” He said, soft for once. “I left her the house in Paris. It was right on the lake. Beautiful, really.” He paused, “it was the least I could do for her after seven years.”

Betraying this fact, he picked up his wine glass by the stem once again, forcing a smile to return to his face. “I haven’t decided what kind of life I want without her quite yet. She was…” Alois trailed off, unable to describe it quite yet. He ran off in the night, though Jean had asked him to stay. Jean loved them both, but Alois was possessive as all knew of him to be. The violent packing, the screaming, slamming doors and pretending it was a family squabble and not the ending of lovers. He really did leave Jean and Alice the house on the lake. It was not for the couple’s sake, but he couldn’t bring himself to ever return. At the very least, his histrionics had never left him. The blonde bit the corner of his lip nervously before returning his attention to his wine.

The air felt thicker suddenly. Elizabeth nodded slowly, feeling intrigued by the Earl’s story but also feeling pity for him, worried she may have crossed a line. A moment of silence passed before Ciel spoke up.

“It sounds like it would have been a beautiful life, nonetheless.” Ciel commented, a sudden wave of confidence washing over him as he lifted his head to look directly into Alois’ icy blue eyes. “I’m sorry things ended the way they did.” Something in his tone was off, and he knew it, and he wondered if Alois noticed it. In a way, he meant what he said, and he was sorry that Alois had endured such a romantic tragedy. But another part of him, the part tainting his tone, almost felt prideful that it hadn’t worked out.

Lifting his glass slightly, he proposed a half-hearted toast. “To new beginnings, if I may say so myself.” His eyes lingered on Alois’ for a moment before averting to meet Lizzie’s, a soft smile lighting up her face as she raised her glass as well.

Alois was taken aback, shaken out of his memory. He picked up on the tone to Ciel’s voice, once he hadn’t heard before. They locked eyes for a moment, Alois suspicious of the congratulation. In a way, it pissed him off. Cocky asshole. His lips set into a light scowl as he rose his glass with the other.

“To new beginnings.” He echoed, lifting his glass to his lips. His tone was tinged with sour feelings - if only he knew how it had really ended. If only Ciel knew just how doomed he was to repeat the same pattern in every country he ever settled in. The blonde had made peace with his sexuality, but not his life due to it.

He wondered just how much of this Ciel could pick up off of his sudden change in demeanor. The game was on once again, he decided as the alcohol clouded his mind ever so slightly. In the others’ eyes, he found his determination.

The remainder of the dinner was filled with light conversation, none of the three nobles taking notice of the rain outside becoming heavier and heavier. They drank and feasted on small desserts, making casual smalltalk. Most of this, of course, was Elizabeth milking Alois for every detail of France he could remember. Ciel simply listened, keeping his guard up and listening closely for Alois to step out of line.

It wasn’t until a loud crack of thunder and lightning boomed through the dining room, shaking the chandelier above their heads, that the three turned to look out the large window beside the table. The trees bent with the wind and the Trancy carriage rocked back and forth. Leaves blew by along the ground and the rain pooled in every crevice it fell into.

“Oh, how dreadful!” Elizabeth said with a small gasp. “I thought I smelled rain earlier. It’s just as I told you, Ciel, isn’t it? I knew a storm was on it’s way.” Ciel nodded silently, still a bit shaken from the sudden burst of thunder. Ever since he was a child, he always hated storms.

Elizabeth stood from the table, walking to the window to peer outside. Shaking her head, she folded her hands over her chest. “This won’t do.” She turned to her fiance. “Ciel, we can’t send them all home in this weather. The carriage will surely tip over with this wind.”

Ciel swore he felt his eye twitch beneath its patch.

Lizzie turned towards Alois. “Alois, you and your servants ought to stay here tonight.” She offered with a smile sweeter than honey. “There’s a spare room and plenty of space in the servants’ quarters, and-”

“Elizabeth.” Ciel stopped her, trying his best to withhold a glare. He wanted to scream no, but his manners kept him from doing so. “We- We would need to make certain preparations in order for a guest to stay. I’m sure they’ll be fi-”

“Are you sending me home as well, then?” She inquired. Despite their long engagement, Lizzie still lived at her own estate, only frequenting the Phantomhive Manor. She crossed her arms, staring him down expectantly.

She trapped him. Damn. His eyes briefly darted towards Alois, then back to his fiance. Damn it all. Doing his best to conceal his disgust for the situation, he stood, waving a hand. “Sebastian,” he called, his butler stepping forward from the corner of the room. “Prepare our two spare rooms, and fetch one of my bed robes for Mr. Trancy.”

“Yes, Master.”

Without another word, Ciel stood from the table, cane in hand, and made his way to the drawing room, where more fine wine, a fireplace, and an old chess set sat waiting.

“Hm… such a shame.” The smirking blond allowed, finishing his glass of wine before Ciel wandered off. Truly, such a storm made for a perfect situation for him. Plans began to form in his soured mind as he stood, fixed. “Claude, I need you to tend to the carriage. It looks like it’s going to be a long night.” He ordered, straightening his frock coat and wandering into the drawing room behind the other man.

Alois emerged in the doorway, cocky and playful yet again. “A storm..” He began in a low voice, walking into the room and to the bookshelf. He pretended to peruse as Ciel looked on. “So, you’re… still unwed? After eight years?” He remarked with a light smile on his lips. “Hell, even I moved on.”

Standing in front of the fireplace, his cane by his side, Ciel stared into the flames and felt the warmth on his face. This was indeed going to be a long night.

“I’m not sure that’s an appropriate question for a guest to be asking.” Ciel turned his head towards Alois slightly, though he refused to look at him. “Especially after disappearing for so long. I’m shocked you even remember who I am.” He said sharply, words like razors coated in sticky tension.

A moment of silence passed them as Lizzie entered the room, saying she was turning in early for the night, as the long day had drained much of her energy. She thanked Alois for his company and lovely conversation, bidding him goodnight before leaving her fiance with a kiss on the cheek and a squeeze of his hand. Ciel’s hand lingered on hers as she walked away, in an effort to prove his loyalty to his fiance in front of Alois. Not that that would be enough to convince him. And with that, they were left alone again.

While Alois noticed the prolonged contact, even he could read through it. With a comment on his sham of an engagement, he’d rattled the other’s pride and he knew it. The playful smile returned to his face, his fingers tracing the backs of books on the shelf as the fire’s light played in shapes on his back. Unfortunately, Alois enjoyed Lizzie’s company as well and the whole scene did nothing to shake him.

“Guest or not, it’s true, isn’t it?” He prodded, pulling a book off the shelf to inspect the cover. “You fixated on a romance from ten years ago, and I’m still the one who shared a home with hi-. Her.” Alois paused, lightly sighing while he opened the cover. His fingers traced the leather with care, a distraction if nothing else. “I mean, I got somewhere.”

His words stung like alcohol on a fresh wound. But he was right, to at least some extent. Ciel had been putting off his marriage to Lizzie for as long as he could remember, and her pure soul remained ever patient, simply waiting for Ciel to be ready. She wanted a happy marriage with him.

Ciel noticed the blond stumble over his words, a small smirk appearing on his lips. So it was a man he met. He turned on his heel, moving to take a seat on the purple velvet couch in front of the fireplace as he formed a rebuttal.

“And how did that go for you then, hm?” He prodded, leaning his chin into his palm as he stared into the fire. “If it had really gone somewhere, you likely would still be in France, would you not?”

“Well, that’s the tragedy, isn’t it?” The other Earl replied, putting the book back and wandering over to the fire himself. Picking up the fire poker, he stabbed into a log and watched the sparks fly. Something about it felt nostalgic. His glance shifted to the other man. “Men like us never find happy endings. Be it long life or otherwise.”

A double-entendre spoke volumes. While they were both aware of their connection, they were also both keenly aware that they were only alive for revenge and anger, nearly demonic creatures themselves by the standards of the society surrounding them. Alois pushed a hand through his hair. “The home is shared with another now, so I let them keep it. I’ll take it back after their life poisons the walls. Maybe tear it down.”

Ciel couldn’t help but stifle a chuckle. “I see you still haven’t changed, even after all this time,” He stated bluntly, his words sharp. “Still destroying and abandoning everything you don’t like. Are you sure it’s been eight years?” He quietly scoffed.

He could taste the poison on his own words even as they left his mouth. But he knew deep down that, though the past eight years had been peaceful, they weren’t what he wanted. They were lonely. He grew to resent Alois for leaving him, even though he knew their options were limited. After nearly a decade, he was finally beginning to get used to his reality, and here he was again. Just as poisonous and beautiful as ever.

Alois let a smirk cross his lips. He knew that he was consistent, if nothing else. Though that consistency was tainted with flame and gasoline, it was that fire that kept him moving. He crossed the room to sit in the seat opposite his ex-lover. Placing his chin in his palm, his gaze found the other man’s.

“Eight long years.” He repeated, looking a little more tired than usual admitting it. “I would’ve burned those two inside it if I had only the time.” Alois admitted under his breath, idly picking up the king on the chessboard and knocking over the queen with it.”I never get used to betrayal.”

Seeing that smirk on his lips sparked a feeling in Ciel’s stomach, one of longing and betrayal and anger.

“Was this all part of a plan of yours, then?” He spat, struggling to keep his composure as he had over dinner. “To just disappear for a decade, let me settle with my life as it is, and then turn up here again to tear it all down?” His voice almost cracked with his final word. He silently prayed Alois hadn’t heard it. Ciel cleared his throat, turning his head away and holding his head in his hand, fingers covering his mouth. “If you told me you controlled the weather, I just might believe it.”

Alois turned to anger at the suggestion that he wanted any of this to happen this way. He felt the fight coming from deep within, all the anger he felt for something that had only happened months ago. It wasn’t as if he wanted to be back in London in the first place. Had he controlled anything, he would have stayed. As much as he’d loved Claude when he was younger, that was also the demon that ripped apart his only known path to happiness. He swallowed a small amount of the venom about to cross his tongue.

“What I wanted was a normal life! Claude wants you dead, remember?” He spat, taking a breath before speaking again. “And then I go away, find someone who’s willing to kiss me in our home, and they go and fall for some dumb blond whore who prowls my backyard! And to marry her-” He stopped again. Alois looked into the fire behind the man, wishing he’d set the French traitors ablaze. “If I can’t marry him instead, I can at least pretend I chose to leave.”

Ciel still refused to look at him, though he shuddered slightly at the sound of Alois raising his voice at him. Once his tangent had finished, Ciel let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in, and sat up straight, crossing his legs.

“Perhaps it’s time we both accept these are the lives we’re destined to lead.” He admitted quietly, despising the thought of it just as much as he believed it. “Forced to either be alone, or live a lie.” His eyes darted towards Alois’, not expecting for their gazes to lock. Cheeks flushing softly, Ciel stood from his seat, standing straight and strong as he looked down at Alois. This was his home.

“I won’t have any of your games during your stay here. Do you understand me?” Ciel spat in an accusatory tone. “I’ve moved on from this.” Lies. He could hear it in his own voice, all lies. “This is nothing more than a coincidence.” One that he had prayed for for years. “...Goodnight.” He turned on his heel, moving to exit the room before Alois could stop him.

Alois, in a reflexive motion, shook himself out of his shock and stood quickly. Before thinking it through, his hand reached out, snatching Ciel’s hand and holding tightly. It was the first time they’d touched in years, the first time at all as adults with lives and pasts that contradicted everything he felt in that moment. It was as if they were kids again, discovering themselves in late nights and bedsheets that cost too much to worry about the future. That was the beginning of it all, but in the back of his head, the blonde always knew it wasn’t the end when he looked back at London in the rear-view window.

“Do you think I would’ve come back if I didn’t know that?” He accused, grasp tightening even more. Pleading entered his tone, an oddity. “I know it’s all a lie. My departure was a lie, Ciel. You’re the only thing in this world I want to protect and not kill. So I did that. Hell, I lied to Claude to come back here too.” He paused, making sure the other man was looking at him. “I don’t know about you, but I’m doomed to repeat this pattern until I die. But I would do it a thousand times with you. Do you realize just how much I thought of you while I was gone?”

The pounding of his heart was so loud, he wondered if Alois could hear it. His legs felt weak, and he grasped Alois’ hand just as tightly without even realizing it. Ciel stared into the piercing blue eyes of his former lover, his favorite and most terrifying secret, wide eyed and stiff.

He thought of him. How many times did he think of him while with that other lover of his, he wondered. How many times did he close his eyes and pretend it was his hand he was holding, his lips he was kissing, his bed he was sharing.

My love.

Lizzie’s voice echoed through his mind, snapping him out of his trance. He ripped his hand away from Alois’ grasp, only to reach forward and grab him by the color of his dress shirt. “Do you know how terrifying that pattern of ours was? It was like playing chess with Satan himself, one wrong move and all of your secrets would be revealed, your life ruined.” He was nearly out of breath, staring deeply into Alois’ eyes. He missed being this close to him. “I can’t do it again, Alois, I-”

He stopped, composing himself. Releasing Alois’ collar, he turned away again. “...Sebastian should have given some of my old night clothes to your butler. I’m sure he’s waiting in your room now.” He lowered his voice in an attempt to hide its quivering. “I’m sure you remember where the spare room is. Goodnight, Mr. Trancy.”

And with that, he left, leaving Alois alone in the drawing room in front of a hot fire, the sound of rain beating violently against the window panes.

Once his collar was released, the man flung himself back into the chair behind him. Defeated for once and tired from the weight of his sins, he slouched into the back and stared up at the ceiling for a while. Time passed as he watched the shadows dance on the ceiling the way he wished he could.

Terrifying, huh? His whole life was just that. Everything he loved, up in flames for reasons of his own or otherwise. He’d found it ironic when he read of the Phantomhive tragedy in the papers for the first time. Both held history born of fire and only one lived as though he wasn’t doomed to perish in it. Alois knew he lived his life on the edge, but if he were to stop and attempt to find stillness in the web he’d woven his whole life, the web would stop weaving. Over the years, it would simply fall apart, a cobweb of lies and missed opportunity. While boasting a similar lifestyle, only one of the two could ever be wealthy. Unlike his ex-lover, he couldn’t pretend to love someone he didn’t for the rest of his short, doomed life. Unlike Jean, he couldn’t give up his own selfish desires for stability and peace.

He spent at least an hour in that crushing room, watching the fire crackle until it finally burnt out. He even attempted to read to calm himself down, a pursuit that proved pointless. Finally, he chose to walk to his room and wait until sunrise. Perhaps he could slip out in the darkness if it would just stop raining. However, as he walked down the hall, he crossed Ciel’s room as well. He stopped in the hall, looking around for a moment while he decided to follow his impulses. His pale hand reached out in the darkness to the knob, turning it with enough force to wake the other if he had even been asleep to begin with. As he opened it, he slipped in quickly, shutting the door behind him and pressing himself against the wood.

“You do not speak to me that way.” He said, though his voice was unsure.

Ciel, now in his warmest robe and tucked away in bed, hadn’t fallen asleep since returning to his room. He was just nodding off, pushing away the intrusive thoughts that used to keep him awake eight years ago, only just returning.

Shaken awake by the sound of his door opening, he sat up quickly, clasping his hands over his robe to be sure he was covered. His eye, stained with the contract of a demon, glowed softly from beneath his bangs, piercing Alois’ gaze from across the room.

Realizing now who had entered his room, he calmed down slightly, but still felt threatened. He had been in this situation too many times before; Alois sneaking into his room to try and squeeze more love and affection from his body, doing things to him that put them both in such danger of being found out.

He narrowed his eyes, not moving from his position. “Leave my room.” He spoke sternly, but softly. The pounding in his chest returned, flooding his ears with thundering noise as another flash of lightning lit up his bedroom for a split second, followed by the boom of thunder that shook the walls. He shuddered again, grasping his robe tightly. “Get...out, Trancy..”

Alois shrunk against the door, reconsidering for only a second. It had been such a long time since either of them were even in the same room together that his tone sparked uncertainty. But he quickly regained his rage enough to overpower it.

“Absolutely not!” He gritted through clenched teeth. “You are not sleeping unti-” Cut off by thunder and Ciel’s remarks, he was brought to pause and without thinking, he walked closer to the bed in the center of the room. He sat at the end, recognition on his face of the other’s fear. The man looked out the window to watch another crack of lightning as it lit both their faces. Either he had forgotten or he had never known about this fear of his. Taken by concern, Alois’ gaze wandered back to Ciel’s as another crack of thunder rolled. Silence overtook the moment once the shaking passed through the manor. It was as if the building was an extension of the men’s thoughts itself, crushing and yet so empty, awaiting the next crash.

“I… left for you. And I came back for you. And who knows, in the years, we could both be dead. I don’t want to spend that time pretending I didn’t know you.” He said softly, pleading now. It was the first sense of caution that seeped into his voice regarding the subject. He absolutely knew where it could land them. “I didn’t even do that in France.”

“I don’t believe you..” Ciel interjected, leaning away against the headboard as Alois sat on the edge of his bed. “I.. I don’t believe you came back for me. For all you knew, I could have been married by now. Or sickly, or dead, or far away from here.”

It was challenging to keep his eyes locked on Alois’. His gaze desired to wander, taking note of how the moonlight cast shadows on the blond’s clothes and face. The way his hair fell in front of his eyes, in this dark bedroom where so many nights had been shared between the two of them, reminded him of everything.

“We.. We were boys, Alois..” He tried to convince himself, voice threatening to break. “We were just boys, we..” Gather yourself. “I’ll call for Sebastian if I must. Your butler is likely wondering where you are.” No matter how hard he tried, Ciel failed to be threatening when his butler was absent from his side. He was helpless, and he knew it. He was caught in this goddamn spider web again, waiting to be devoured. It was all too familiar, all too desirable, and just as terrifying as it was before.

Alois sighed, looking tired once again. At this older age, one could tell that this was a man who knew tragedy, no longer a scared little boy. His thoughts grew more complex as the summers grew shorter and the winters grew colder. Years of rejection and loss were beginning to catch up with him and it was only noticeable in the light of a chipped full moon.

“And now we’re men. What of it?” He grumbled under his breath, looking back out the window. “That crossed my mind. I would’ve gone to your grave every day, or slept beside you to keep you warm, come up with some lie, or found my way back home.” He leaned into his lap, placing his chin in his hand quietly. “Claude just thinks I’m here to trick you. But what use of that?” He rolled his eyes at the idea of it, remembering the lies he was already stacking just to sit here at the end of the man’s bed. Doomed was the only way to put it, the web he wove years ago even pulling his own self back into its gravity. “Childish romance, innit? I only stayed with that man so long because he reminded me so much of…” He paused again, this time longer as he calculated just how much he wanted to reveal. “Sure, I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure if you still felt anything, but you’re at least still real.”

Ciel was listening to every word that left Alois’ lips, he truly was. With every pause, he eagerly waited for what was coming next, hanging onto each syllable. As Alois described what he would have done, even if Ciel was sickly or bedridden or on the verge of death, Ciel pictured every moment. Truth be told, he would give anything to die by this man’s side. Some might say he’s too young to be dwelling so much on the thought of death, but Ciel disagreed. He didn’t fear it.

Relaxing slightly as he saw Alois’ guard falling, Ciel sat up more, leaning in Alois’ direction but not too closely. His heart sank. “He.. He reminded you of me.. didn’t he..” He spoke in a voice not much louder than a whisper.

He looked down into his lap, shaking his head slightly as he rubbed his contract stained eye. “Our lives would completely crumble if we were found out. Even if anyone caught wind of our past, our lives would end. You realize that don’t you?” His voice raised slightly, becoming angry at the idea that Alois simply didn’t care. “What would we do then, Trancy? You obviously must have all the answers, since you’re so determined to pick things up where we left them nearly ten years ago. I couldn’t live with myself if-” He paused, swallowing hard as another crack of thunder and lightning made him wince. “If anything happened to you..”

Alois laughed darkly to himself, lacking any of the confidence he held as a teen. The years had made him uncertain of himself. Letting his guard fall as he felt the moment soften, he again gazed out the window.

“He reminded me of you, yes. And at least with you, I know that your marriage isn’t a betrayal. Hiding me in closets, calling me a cousin, covering up our fights and letting him tell everyone it was a family home and not me trying to fix all our past-” He rambled, primarily to himself. “I have none of the answers, Phantomhive. Absolutely none of them. And yet, I’ve already ended my own life at least three times. I’ve still got to live my life even though I could end it again. And if yours ends with mine for the fourth, I’d call curtain and sneak us off stage.” He paused, nodding once to himself. “It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that I can’t die alone. I know I live recklessly, but regardless, I just can’t stay away for long.”

There it was. Alois had made a web and yet, caught himself inside it instead.

Ciel felt a smile creeping onto his face, but suppressed it. As romantic as the young man’s words were, this wasn’t something to be happy about. This was scary and dangerous and secretive. He had sworn to himself once Alois left that he would seal away this chapter of his life and take it to his grave. And yet, here he was, face to face with the same man he once knew as a boy, just as in love and just as longing.

And then, for the first time since they had run into each other in town, Ciel reached out to him. He gently laid his hand on top of the blond’s, still cautious and unsure. Every fiber of his being was telling him this was a bad idea, that going any further would trap him and send him spiraling once again, but he couldn’t stop himself.

He lightly intertwined their fingers, his eyes till averted to his own lap. This felt so familiar yet so foreign. “I.. can’t afford to live recklessly, Trancy.” He said quietly, wishing he was able to give a different answer. “If things were different, if I didn’t have Lizzie to look out for, if..” There was more he wanted to say, but couldn’t find the words. Well, he knew the words he wanted to say; three dangerous words that should only be saved for when you really mean it, three words that he could never truly say to Lizzie; but they wouldn’t come.

Feeling the touch on his own hand, Alois felt a lump form in his throat. He knew it was wrong - it was a secret everywhere they were to go. They could cross the sea, they could drift away into the evenings together and never have a moment of truth again. However, Alois couldn’t remember the last time he’d told the truth to anyone aside from right now. Something about his ex-lover made him feel real unlike anything else. He turned to the other man, taking in just how beautiful he was in the moonlight. A smile crossed his lips without him even realizing it.

“Lizzie doesn’t even know we’re both on borrowed time. You remember that, right? Passion is the only thing keeping us alive. And I know the only passion you’ve felt lately is rage. Isn’t this better?” He persuaded, closing the distance between them by only an inch or two. “I spent eight years wishing I was right here. Do you feel the same about her?” His smile grew soft, betraying the true warmth he felt for the other man in front of him. “We can keep the nights. Maybe the weekends. Holidays, here and there. I’ll play family friend just as I always do. I don’t have family pressuring me to marry. I can play along.”

His face grew hot as Alois moved closer, just inches away now. Ciel lightly squeezed his hand, eyes darting to his lips and then back to his eyes. He let out a breath.

“I.. love Lizzie. I do. Not in the way she wants me to but, she’s important to me Trancy..” He shook his head lightly, his hair falling in front of his eyes. “I.. I thought you were never going to come back. I thought I’d never see you again, be here, like this, again.” He was rambling now, unable to keep his thoughts straight. Another flash of lightning made him jump, his own forehead now resting against Alois’, skin hot and flushed.

How many nights over those eight years had he dreamt of this exact moment; the two of them, close and intertwined, basking in the moonlight under the soft silk covers of his bed, their bed, living as if no one else existed. He missed him. He didn’t know how much until now. Ciel would kill anyone who hurt Alois Trancy, he’d do it himself. The world was against them and he knew it, as painful as it was to admit.

“I missed you so badly..” He blurted out, forgetting for a moment he wasn’t locked inside a dream. Ciel’s eyes widened slightly, looking up into the sky blue eyes of his lover, cheeks flushing as he contemplated if he had really spoken the words aloud.

Seizing the moment, the blonde raised a hand to rest against the back of his lover’s head, playing with his hair. Though he poised himself as put together and sure, in this moment he was the exact opposite as the thunder cracked outside. He was embarrassed at his own gentleness for this man, this dumb, cruel, and yet perfectly matched partner. It was as if the world existed outside of them and only outside of this room.

“I know.” He whispered, “because I never went to bed without you somehow…” He trailed off, pulling the other in impossibly close, so much so that their lips brushed while he spoke, “so stupid, thinking he’d just be you one day…”

With that, their lips met in reunion as if there were magnets that tied them together indefinitely. Somehow, he knew he’d always end up back here. Jean was but a continuation of their story. A chapter left dusty in the attic as years went by and time passed, certainly. Jean was also a preview of what was to come in the future, but as he lost himself in this dream, that didn’t matter. It might matter tomorrow, or next week, but not right now. Minutes passed by, a pregnant pause that the world seemed to give them, just them. It was as if the universe was going to find them pauses in life so they could at least enjoy some of their lives happily. A moment lost in many, an absence of absence.

If anyone saw them, they could both be killed. Alois knew that he would take that bullet, he would allow that wound. The only person he could ever fathom caring about in this way. Even Jean couldn’t have said that.

As the blond man’s lips met his own, every muscle in Ciel’s thin body seemed to release. He melted into the arms of his lover, his one hand refusing to let go of Alois’ while the other gently came up to rest on the other’s shoulder.

A million images and memories flew through Ciel’s mind; every night they spent together in their youth, all lips and teeth and tongue and sickeningly sweet whispers of their love for one another. A secret kept by their servants and kept from the rest of the world. Never once in those eight years did Ciel feel at home in this monstrous manor, not even with Lizzie seated by his side. But here, in this kiss and this embrace, he felt nothing but comfort, he felt right.

Pulling away slightly, the two caught their breath, still embracing one another and showing no signs of letting go. Ciel’s hand ran gently from Alois’ shoulder to the back of his neck, as if worried he would lean away and be gone forever once more.

“Stay..” He whispered, all needy and wanting. “I dreamt of this. I looked to the sky and prayed to a God who had never answered me before. Don’t leave me now..” He shut his eyes, their noses rubbing together gently. “Stay..”

The man chuckled softly, allowing himself to be caught in this embrace despite everything that would normally cause him pause. Somehow, it did feel right to both of them. If the world were more allowing, he knew that this is how they were meant to live life. He nodded.

“I’ll stay here tonight.” He confirmed. “And I’ll cover for us in the morning…” He sighed, pulling himself away to lay beside Ciel’s spot on the bed, never once breaking contact completely and keeping him by the hand. “I am really quite tired, y’know..” he admitted, closing his eyes and tugging on his lover’s arm to pull him into the crevice of his shoulder. “But don’t think it was God who finally answered us.” He opened his eyes slightly to look over at Ciel, “God wouldn’t torture us this way. We’re damned. But if we’re to sell ourselves to demons, I’ll live in sin.” He paused, smiling to himself. “And isn’t that just our brand of sick happiness anyway?”

Following his lead, Ciel laid back into the soft pillows of his bed, curling up against the curve of Alois’ side, his head resting on his chest. He listened to his heart beating hard, just as hard as his own, and he felt comforted.

“I suppose you’re right,” He whispered. “As much as I hate admitting it.” He released a puff of air from his nose as he stifled a chuckle, tilting his head to look up at the man from his past and from his dreams. Ciel leaned up, holding his cheek in the palm of his hand as he directed him to another soft kiss, lingering for a moment to savor the taste of him again.

In his gut, Ciel knew this couldn’t end well. Even if they were able to keep this up for the next twenty years, they would never be able to fully embrace each other without facing the disgusted wrath of others. But for now, just in this moment, none of that mattered. Whatever was coming, he would deal with it when it confronted him.

His eyes closed as he laid his head back down without another word. He felt he could sleep for an eternity in Alois’ arms like this, and for now, that’s what he would do.

Finally satisfied with his return, the man pulled his lover close in the dark of the night. Silently, he knew it to be a fact that this would be all their lives - darkness, silence, and secrecy. Of course, he didn’t enjoy that fact either. It could end in flames. It could end in losing everything they had and they could never share a home or a life truly. One day, Ciel would marry another and the lies would have to find a way to cover them up again. Their whole life would be a web of lies and sneaky ploys, sneaking away from events just to share a kiss in celebration for life events. And one day, he’d need a new reason to spend the night in Ciel’s arms. Despite this, the blonde fell fast asleep beside the other, tied in the silence of the dark and forgetting the fog he’d fought to get there.

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datleggy · 5 years ago

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a list of every anime i love/recommend, accumulated over the last 10+ years

1. NATSUME YUUJINCHOU

SUMMARY/REVIEW:

The main character is a teenage boy named Natsume, whose parents died when he was too young to remember them properly. He’s passed around random relatives homes, but because he can see yokai (spirits), he’s ostracized by classmates and his foster families (ALL HIS CHILDHOOD FLASHBACKS ARE SO FUCKING SAD) and eventually very distant relatives (an older couple who never had kids of their own and have so much goddamn love to give D:!!!) take Natsume in, and the story basically starts from there.

It’s a very heart-warming story following Natsume’s new life in this new town, accepting his ability to see yokai, forging new relationships in the form of friends and family, and even with the yokai themselves.

This is honestly probably my favorite anime/manga period, because it’s so sad but so cathartic and you watch as the main character grows and learns to trust those around him, and finally gets the unconditional love he’s always deserved, not to MENTION THE FACT THAT THEY DO A WHOLE EP WHERE NATSUME IS TURNED BACK INTO A LITTLE KID AND IT IS SOOOO GOOD OMG

Plus for those of you who enjoy whump, this show has a decent amount of it. Mainly emotional whump, but also some episodes where Natsume is injured or sick--as well as I believe one where his companion (the chubby cat on his shoulder who’s actually a pretty badass yokai) gets shot with an arrow and is down for the count.

10/10 would and have watched again.

2. KODOCHA NO OMOCHA

SUMMARY/REVIEW: The main character is a sixth grader named Sana. She’s a gifted actress on a t.v. show everyone likes and she’s silly and fun, very intuitive and surprisingly empathetic for a child.

Her main problem is in school, where Akito, who she deems the leader of her class’ wolf pack of rowdy rude boys, lets them terrorize not just the teacher, but all the girls in class, as well.

I don’t really want to give a lot away, so I’ll just state the obvious. This anime/manga is shoujo, which means that it does focus on a romantic relationship throughout the series. Mainly the one between Sana and Akito. Sana is absolutely oblivious about her own feelings, while Akito is a stubborn little shit.

I remember watching this at like, age 12 maybe? And I really enjoyed it because (although I do enjoy your typical silly doesn’t take itself too seriously slice of life shoujo) this particular anime, while super funny and light hearted at times, was also really dramatic and even kinda dark, which was surprising considering the characters ages and the general kid-friendly vibe (especially the opening for the anime).

3. DETECTIVE CONAN

SUMMARY/REVIEW: Our main character is initially Shinichi Kudo, teenage detective, who’s on a date with childhood sweetheart Ran (whose father also happens to a detective but like....not a good one lmao), when his nosy ass self decides to go and check out some shady business and gets “poisoned”.

The poison he’s given is intended to kill him, but what it actually does is turn him back into a child. And now, as Conan Edogawa, (who’s 7 but like....we just supposed to believe all these cops and detectives on the force are cool with a seven year old wee lil babe on these really gruesome ass crime scenes??? lmaoooo) we follow him on his adventures as he solves crimes and tries to solve the biggest mystery of all, his own!

I absolutely LOVE this anime/manga, even though I’ll be honest, there is SO MUCH FILLER, but I like the characters enough that I really don’t mind. The show is at least 900+ episodes in at this point, and there are a total of 26 movies so far, last time I checked.

Also, the show is a whump fangirls’ dream come true. The main character is thrown out of windows, balconies, shot at, and in one occasion actually shot, he’s had broken bones, sprains, almost been blown up or drowned/burned, been sick, and oh, his occasional transformations from child to teenager are incredibly painful.

This show is probably at fault for my love of whump, since it was one of my first animes at like, age 9. smh.

4. THE DEVIL IS A PART-TIMER!

REVIEW:

I’m not even going to summarize this one. The title does it for me. This is truly one of the funniest animes I’ve ever seen. Motherfuckin Satan works at a McDonalds part time and it is the BEST.

Technically I would count this show as a kind of harem, but only because there are like three main girl characters after the overlord Satan himself. I usually dislike harem type animes but the way this is done is sooooo good I couldn’t resist.

I would watch a million filler episodes of Satan trying to solve problems at his minimum wage job tbh. I love every single character, I love the plot, I love everything about this anime! In terms of comedy (with the occasional plot driven serious moments) this is IT bro.

5. BLACK BUTLER

SUMMARY/REVIEW:

The main character is Ciel Phantomhive (roughly 14 years old). His parents are killed, his house is burned to ashes, and he’s kidnapped (around age 9 or 10 I believe) and abused. During this abuse Ciel calls upon a demon to free him and help him get revenge on those who harmed the Phantomhive household, which is where Sebastian, one “hell of a good butler” comes in.

We then follow Ciel and Sebastian on their path of vengeance, and along the way we meet Ciel’s human servants, three very clumsy and seemingly bad at their given tasks characters (i love them all), and some of his extended relatives and connections.

My favorite thing about Black Butler is the art, both in the anime and manga. Everything is so detailed and pretty!

The characters are interesting, the plot is dark but they manage to make most of the series overall pretty light-hearted and funny in general. Though of course there are chapters/parts of the series that get really grim (which duh, the whole thing focuses on revenge so...)

I have to say, the arc I enjoyed the most has to be the movie, Black Butler: Book Of the Atlantic. It is beautifully drawn and sooooooo entertaining.

6. INUYASHA

SUMMARY/REVIEW:

Our main characters are Inuyasha, a half-demon, who’s been in a sort of spiritually binding coma for the last few decades, and fourteen year old Kagome, who falls into an old well in her family’s shrine and finds herself being transported into another time period.

Together, she and Inuyasha travel across the lands in the feudal era to find the scattered shards of the shikon jewel, a powerful jewel which grants anyone who possesses it ultimate power.

I was too young to stay up and watch Inuyasha on adult swim, so my mom would tape the show on a VCR for me to watch the next day after school--yes, I’m old old. lmaoooo I ADORE this show.

It’s so good! It’s got everything! A tortured lil half-demon with a sad past who’s stubborn and rude but got a good heart! A fierce and equally as stubborn main protagonist, who’s whole ass family knows exactly where she goes off to??? and are supportive af????? like???? her mama packs her and her squad of demon/exorcist/demon hunter pals bentos?!?! lmao i love it.

The characters are awesome and funny and likable as all heck, and of course they all have their sad backstory, but like, unlike some animes (lookin at YOU Naruto) they don’t go mega overboard on it, at least not without some plot behind the episode.

7. YU YU HAKUSHO

SUMMARY/REVIEW:

Before I even start in on the summary, ya’ll should watch this soley bc of the cute ass 90′s style animation alone. LOOK AT ALL THAT SHINY HAIR!

ANYWAY. Main character is teenage hooligan and overall cutie pie Yusuke! He gets struck by a car and fucking DIES in the first episode after shoving a little boy out of the way, only to end up in the spirit world where the head honcho up there (who looks like a wee baby) tells him “Oh shit, didn’t expect you to like, actually do anything self-sacrificing EVER so like, you’re not on our list of people who were supposed to die today...”

And uh, I don’t wanna give anything away, so I’m just gonna say that if you haven’t seen this anime yet, you definitely should! It’s hilarious and dramatic, the fight scenes are very well done, all the side characters, who eventually become main characters are a blessing (specifically Hiei, who’ve I’ve had a crush on since I was 12) and the ending is a satisfying one, which you can’t really say for a lot of media.

8. CHRONO CRUSADE

SUMMARY/REVIEW:

I still get weepy when I think of this anime, so all I’ll say is it’s about a badass demon slaying nurse and her demon companion and some very tragic shit.

It’s a great anime overall, especially if you like crying yourself to sleep at night :)

9. GHOST HUNT

SUMMARY/REVIEW:

The main character is high school student Mai, who is hired by Naru, the head of a Shibuya psychic research, and together, with a group of questionable exorcists/psychics, they encounter paranormal phenomenons and some outright scary shit.

I’m not really a fan of the horror genre tbh but I do like mystery, and the series deals with that quite a bit. They deal with each case for several episodes so nothing feels too rushed.

The series is really fun in a creepy, wtf is that way. I recommend the manga, only because it’s more detailed in terms of plot than the anime.

10. ASSASSINATION CLASSROOM

SUMMARY/REVIEW:

I didn’t really make this list in any particular order but if I had to say, Assassination Classroom and Natsume Yuujinchou probably tie for BEST ANIME PERIOD!

This anime is about a weird ass “alien” creature, no one knows where it came from or why tf it’s here on earth, all they know is that in one year it’s threatened to blow the world up.

His only request to the government is that they let him become a teacher for Class E, the worst class of Kunugigaoka Junior High School, and he will stay put, so that they can attempt an assassination on him during this one year period.

AND LISTEN! I am a shallow hoe, so I literally never would have read this manga or watched the series had I not been roaming Barnes and Noble one day with my S.O. and picked it up to read as a JOKE!

I was hooked after the first chapter and I am soooooooo glad I picked this manga up, bc it is absolutely not the type I would normally go for, cover art wise. I finally, after many many years, learned not to judge a book by its cover bc LORD this anime is so goddamn good, you don’t understand! Like, I’ve watched it so many times and still laugh at the same parts, cry at the same parts, am proud af at the same parts! like, this anime is an instant classic and should definitely be more popular than it is.

assassination classroom and natsume yuujinchou????? MASTERPIECES!

#anime i can't imagine life without #natsume yuujinchou #assassination classroom #inuyasha #black butler #detective conan #whump #chrono crusade #ghost hunt #yu yu hakusho #the devil is a part-timer #kodocha #long post is long

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dndfuckhouse · 4 years ago

Text

session 33 - Introductions and Invitations

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> 🎵 Sword Search on Koholint Island / LOZ: Link’s Awakening (2019) OST.

After having spent the whole of the morning walking around the group find themselves drawn to the smell of fish wafting around the city square and head over towards the nearby café to refuel themselves over lunch.

After being greeted by the upbeat waitress they seat themselves and begin pondering the menu. The feeling of the bright midday sun beating down on their heads while the cool seaside breeze blows through keeps them company amongst the townspeople in the city square.

Cimmorro: the image rn is finn cimm han plum rokka in the same table..... psalm also but at the edge??? Chip: dnd cafe marching order being determined rn Celebrity Guest Aki: WHY DOES THIS SOUND SO UNBALANCEDD Rokka: BC IT IS Psalm: achieving total mental blankness trying to imagine this Keva:

Finn: im ordering nothing because i literally cant eat or drink Psalm: just ask for the bloodwine alone Finn: yeah ill just inconspicuously ask for fish blood in isolation Plum: they got that just for you actually the blood drink, god put that on there for you finn Psalm: yeah we called ahead

Noticing Keva struggling with the menu, Cimmorro moves to lend her a land subtly. Meanwhile Plum tells Finn they can order the dish that comes with fish blood and split it with him if he’d like.

Keva: she's not really looking at the menu much.... you probably just see her watching everyone else and checking the number on the menu for the thing they order Cimmorro: okay well he's going to look at you for a good second, contemplating if he should offer to help but realizes that might be a bad idea so he's just going to go get the waitress' attention and go like "what would be your best sellers here? and what you would recommend?" Cherry: she hums and thinks "i'd say the sea bed or the prawn's eyes usually sell pretty well! the salty dog ale is a local specialty as well, id recommend it if you aren't made queasy easy" she says with a laugh Keva: trying to picture wtf sea bed and salty dog could mean Cimmorro: (dwfl he wanted to order the sea bed) cimm nods at her and looks at the menu "10 sp for the sea bed... fish and bread sounds appealing today huh i'll have one," he says alla this w/ intention for keva to hear. and adds, "i think i'll just have a glass of water though, thanks" Keva: she looks at cimm for a moment, silently feeling grateful, and says "same as him" tilting her menu a bit towards cimm and hands the menu back

Plum: plum turns to finn and says "i could order this," and points to the caver's treat, "and you could have the cup of blood that comes with it, if you're hungry." Finn: hes already spacing out when plum suddenly speaks to him, whipping his head around a little startled. "oh" admittedly, finn wasn't hungry, or thirsty, but plums attentiveness does touch him a little. he nods. "that is very kind of you plum... if you truly do not mind, then ... id appreciate that." Plum: "sure, no problem" plum says to finn and takes a sip from their drink. they wave the waitress over to order one ＣＡＶＥＲ＇ＳＴＲＥＡＴ

The Group’s Orders ~ 🐟

Plum: Reaver’s Luck, Caver’s Treat Rokka: Berried Salmon, Reaver’s Luck Psalm: Berried Salmon Han: The Phoenix, Fishers Teeth (takeout - Caver’s Treat ) Keva: Sea Bed Cimmorro: Sea Bed

Taking the orders, the waitress gives a nod and scuttles off. After a small wait the dishes are brought out, the scent of fish overpowering the place. The group find their meals appetising and begin to dig in and chatter amongst themselves. Finn stealthily transfers the bloodwine into a cup of his own he can discretely drink from while Keva wraps and saves a slice of the bread for later consumption.

Finn: he clinks his glass with plum to thank them for the fish but before he takes a sip he blinks "oh... what are we to do with the fish plum?" Plum: they clink their mug with finn's and then gives him a confused look. after a moment they look like they're trying not to laugh a little. "what made you think i wasn't gonna...eat it?" plum asks before picking up a fork. Finn: "i simply thought it might be a bit much.. is all.." feeling a little stupid for having asked now. "and it is meant to be eaten with the blood after all.. " Plum: "oh, nah. it was two gold pieces so i'd better finish it, honestly," plum says and starts eating. "also i don't really want the blood," they stop and make a hand gesture as if to say that finn can just go ahead and enjoy the blood himself. Finn: he fails to control himself and finish listening to plum, chugging the glass in one go, feeling particularly satisfied and sated for now. "ah, please... i will pay for it of course, you ordered this for my sake" he says quickly as if he didnt just drink that like a possessed man Han: finns eyes do the cat silly time thing Cimmorro: yess finn goo you fucking horse Han: vibrates in his chair cause he got the blood zoomies

Plum: "or we can just split it" plum says casually, not saying anything at the change in finn's demeanour for a moment there. it'd probably be rude to seem a bit surprised.

Rokka: “LOOKING GOOD” Cimmorro: "kinda pog as they say...." cimm gives his thanks to wee jasus christ and begins to eat in a decent pace... just focused on eating Rokka: halfway through chewing rokka talks with his mouth full, "watsh pogh" Cimmorro: cimm looks disgusted at you, once again, for talking with your mouth full. and just goes. "oh you know like- [does the pog face for a split second]" before going back to his food though he looks up at you again the next second and goes like "oh right. rokka, here." he slides 35gp across the table to you. "for the time at nickels." and he just goes back to eating Rokka: "ohhh so then if i wanted to say my food is "pog" i can just [makes the pog face]?" he looks down at the money "oh! you didn't have to pay me back....thanks though!" le pockets money Han: han goes (mgs ❗ noise) and starts fishing in her side pocket too "wait i owe you for bedroll and rope" and hands rokka X gold Rokka: he then turns to han "WHAT!!! NO, NO ITS OKAY!!" he tries to push it back to han Han: she doesn't even touch it again and goes back to food "i dont like being in debt" Rokka: he stares at the xgp before reluctantly taking it seeing as han refusing to take it back "alrigghtt. thanks hannn" Han: 😇 Psalm: he watches Rokka’s exchanges for a moment. "It just occurred to me that now would be a good time for that drink you owe me." Cimmorro: cimm looks at rokka and psalm and goes "i'm starting to learn that it's a bad idea to be in debt to you psalm" Psalm: "I think I'm pretty fair all things considered 😇 " Cimmorro: he just sighs and goes back to his food

Rokka: his head whips over to psalm like !!!!! "i-WHAT--oh! yeah....do you.......want to share my drink?" Psalm: "No I don't...?" Rokka: well, then.......what do you want?" Psalm: "One salty dog ale please (: ." Han: did chip plan for this joke. its too perfect? Psalm: WAIT YOU'RE SO RIGHT Han: I LEGIT THOUGHT IT WAS A GAG U WERE DOING AND LOOKED AT THE MENU Chip: LIFE FINDS A WAY....

Ghester: you hear a chuckle in your head followed by a voice that says "well he's a good sportsman about it" Psalm: "It was his idea to play." Rokka: he looks around "HUH WHAT?!" Ghester: "that makes a person more reluctant sometimes" he then laughs at rokka's reaction Psalm: he scoffs. Rokka: he abruptly stands up from the table and shaking the table in the process "OK WHATS GOING ON"

Getting agitated by Ghester’s repeated remarks, Rokka bolts up from his seat ending all other conversation in his wake, the rest of the party stares at him, grabbing their plates instinctually in case he flipped the table over. The waitress in the meanwhile hands Pslam his newly purchased drink on Rokka’s dime.

Ghester: "oh he's gotten excited" says the voice Rokka: “WHO!?” Psalm: psalm is just drinking casually

Cimmorro: when rokka finally settles down, cimm just looks at him like 🤨 before looking at psalm again, "speaking of being fair, why don't you tell us about your little friend... ghester? you said you'd tell us about them, no?" Psalm: * doesn't remember what he said * "Yeah alright. I introduced Plum and you already right?" Cimmorro: he nods "introduced us... but we don't even know who or what you introduced us to" Rokka: just looking up at the sky like "....hello?" Plum: they had jumped at rokka's reaction but at the mention of their name by psalm they think they can guess what's happening now. Finn: he was gonna reply to plum but because of all the commotion his attention is focused on psalm rn, but he is bouncing his leg under the table Keva: she just has no idea what's going on

Psalm: "Your guess is honestly as good as mine." @ ghester "You want to explain? I myself am not really sure what to say." Ghester: he chuckles before speaking into the rest of your heads "hmm... well you may call me ghester. i am a companion of sorts to your lovely friend psalm here. pleasure to meet you" Rokka: "ghost...........?" side eyes psalm Psalm: "No I don't think that's quite it." Rokka: “then what?” Psalm: he just shrugs Rokka: rokka slowly nods as if he gets it but he doesnt

Keva: she jumps a bit "what the fuck" Plum: plum shivers at the sudden voice in their head. "i really thought the cult would be the weirdest thing with y'all and yet." Han: she squints her eyes "can you like, read our minds? do you have a body? are you stealing psalms...?" han leans in quizzically and stares at psalm Ghester: he laughs "no i cannot read anyone's mind, not even his. nor do i hold any control over him, i dont think he'd quite appreciate me doing it even if i could" he thinks "i dont have a body, though i feel like maybe i did once, a funny thought to have these days" Han: she pouts thoughtfully but her brain is actually empty "hmmm" Cimmorro: damn so no cock penis? Han: hate your ass Finn: im just imagining the voice of the book from nier rn for this guy Chip: YOU SHOULD THATS HIM Plum: oh my god that was the decided voice, thats so horrible Han: liam obrien haunts us everywhere

Finn: he does squint at psalm, but he thinks that ghester’s voice is quite pleasant so its not like its a huge hassle. after psalm told them about this, at least. he is a bit irritated over having thought he was hallucinating it a while ago. Plum: "doesn't sound like he's been with you for too long" Psalm: "It's been a couple weeks. Maybe a month." Plum: "wow, that's shorter than i expected. i've already known you fuckers for a week by now." Cimmorro: he just kinda looks confused towards psalm and responds to ghester "uhh huh... are you the reason why he coughs smoke or..." Psalm: he’s just blinking at Cimm like oh you saw that lol whoops Ghester: "not directly, but its related. i guess you could say im a conduit for his magic. in charge of watching over him" Cimmorro: just shaking his head at psalm and how he said they've only been together for a short time... like what is wrong with yall

Finn: "and you just.... hid this from us?" Ghester: he chuckles at you finn "thats a funny response" Finn: "im sure it is after youve messed with all our heads" bouncing his leg quicker Psalm: "What reason would I have to tell you? It's not like I've known any of your for all that long." Plum: looking at finn like you good bro Finn: "if you didnt want to tell us you should do better to keep your parasite out of our minds then" Ghester: "ooh quite harsh" Psalm: “Right? Yeesh. Why am I being put on trial here? He called you a parasite (lol)." Cimmorro: "i get the feeling that you don't wanna share more about this. but i just wanna know if you communicating with the rest of us like this won't harm us in any way..." no video game rpg sanity drain so to speak Keva: squinting like wtf does magic do to you...... is orin okay...... Ghester: "oh nothing to worry about there, my job is to keep him safe. If you are his friends then this extends to you as well, quite the opposite of harm" he turns his attention back to you psalm and laughs at his joke Cimmorro: cimm just hums at this, not entirely convinced but it's good for now Finn: just staring at you for a moment longer before looking away, expecting psalm to understand without actually saying anything because he's awful. Psalm: Psalm just 🤨 ...? and just decides to go back to his drink. Finn: finn: dear uncle, ive witnessed another cringe moment. this is number 10 in the top15 list

Psalm: "I think friends is generous :j , but rest assured that for now your life isn't being slowly siphoned away from you or whatever it is youre worried about. At least I don't think it is /s" Ghester: "i wonder why you would even put the thought out...? Psalm: "Because it's funny?" Ghester: [sigh] Plum: "thanks, i feel a lot better about that now." Rokka: just staring at u dead on sarcasm flying over "wait......HAVE U BEEN FEEDING OFF ME" Ghester: he laughs jovially at you "theres nothing on you to eat dear boy" Han: han thinks 'damn... does he mean rokka has no brains to eat....'

Han: she thinks for a bit "do you have big range? before you cannot hear us?" Ghester: "hmm from wherever our good man here is standing i can hear about 120 or so feet...granted you yell when you are far away that is" Han: "does that mean you hear through psalm? and here i thought you would be useful for undercover work" han sighs a bit Psalm: "I have to agree with you on that one. Kind of disappointing." Ghester: "not necessarily, if he cant hear i still can. i can talk to you all if you are all that far away as well even if he himself isnt close" @ psalm "and here i thought you were my one ally at this table" Psalm: :j Han: "oh hmmm... that suppose that is useful..." han thinks abt strategies.. Keva: she sarcastically mumbles "just what i always wanted, a ghost from i don't know where doing god knows what, listening in on whatever i'm doing" Ghester: he laughs Rokka: he mumbles to himself after hearing this "scary..." Cimmorro: well then he stifles a small laugh and looks at keva "what could possibly go wrong, yeah?" Keva: "can't think of a single thing" Psalm: "It's thanks to him (and plum) we didn't lose your money to Rickert though. So I'd say for now the pros are more than the cons." Ghester: "oh such rare praise" Cimmorro: "oho is he not always this nice to you?" Ghester: "tis' a heavy burden i carry" Psalm: "Stop framing it like I'm picking sides" Ghester: [laugh] Plum: "true, and he's more personable than his host," plum says jokingly Psalm: "Alright, alright already." psalm waves everyone off Han: han is like 👁 but also snorting at this

Cimmorro: "aww you poor thing... psalm be more nice... i think ghester does care about you, you know... he immediately went to me when you were unconscious." Psalm: he just rolls his eyes Ghester: "well... as far as charges go i could have been given far worse" you feel a warm presence before he snickers "try not to bully him too much" Han: "far worse?" Ghester: "hmm well imagine if i were companion to someone completely silent...now that would be a trial" Han: she ponders the previous thought "you are right (@ ghester) at least psalm is funny sometimes." Psalm: 🤨 "Okay, pester Psalm hour is over now. Hope you all had your fun." SWATS THE AIR IN FUTLITY Ghester: [laugh] Plum: they wants to say we're not even talking to you we're talking to ghester but they'll leave him alone Keva: she snorts at the try not to bully him and pops a piece of bread into her mouth Cimmorro: he smiles at the warmth but also "no bullying, not even in your honor? you are so humble, king..." and just laughs at psalm swatting everyone off Psalm: "I try." Ghester: he laughs "you'll be fun to be around im sure" Keva: "oh he likes you" like someone talking abt a pet taking a liking to someone Cimmorro: "he knows how to pick them... " he laughs and responds to ghester "if you ever change your mind on bullying psalm, you know who to call"

Plum: "you changed your mind pretty fast, huh?" @cimmorro, plum is amused they're not making fun of him Cimmorro: "oh i'll still get him whenever i can. just leaving the offer with ghester in case he wants to join in." Plum: "oh, i meant on warming up to psalm's mind demon in the first place, but true" plum says Cimmorro: "oh well he's a charmer. what's not to like" he laughs Plum: "agreed" Ghester: "flattery will get you everywhere" Plum: "hah, i guess that's true ain't it." flattery's not really their thing, but they give an amused laugh.

Finished with their food and their curiosity over Ghester for the moment sated, some of the party get up to go pay for their meals while others continue to sit and chat. As they do Han continues messing about and pulling Ghester’s attention over.

Han: she covers her mouth with her hands and whispers to herself "ghesterrrrr can you hear me? tell psalm he looks like a strawberry." then get distracted and moves her hands "actually, can you move things? or are you simply ghostly" Ghester: "i cannot. lest i am a weapon psalm has willed me into and is...well using me to move things" a beat passes "all these ghost comparisons are amusing" Han: "ooooh... maybe living weapon... cool :D" Psalm: "He's what I've been fighting with this entire time." Keva: she’s gonna get up and head to the counter where she spies people paying for their food, and as she passes psalm she kinda gives a little shrug like "i tried" to change the subject lol Psalm: psalm nods, benedict cumberbatch salute

Han: she has lightbulb moment "your weapon that seems to change every time i look? and that you never actually carry on you?" Psalm: "Yes that would be the one."

To drive the point home psalm has Ghester discreetly apperate in his hands as a short sword for Han.

Cimmorro: psalm like yosuke persona 4 pulling out his katanas at the convenience store and gets arrested for it Psalm: I ASSUME EVERYON EELSE HER JUST HAS WEAPONS HONESTLY LIKE I THOUGHT THAT Cimmorro: NO ONE WHIPS IT OUT IN A RESTO Psalm: HDG WELL I DO NOW Cimmorro: AND THEN WE HANDED PSALM CHAN OVER TO THE POLICE

Han: "ghester, can i have you?? it would be super useful to change from bow to glaive in second.." han is v excited now Finn: he’s getting up yet, being intrigued by an ever changing weapon........but he feels too awkward to actually comment on it. he thinks han's reaction is kinda cute. Ghester: he laughs jovially again "sadly you cannot have me, him and i are bound. you'll have to look elsewhere, though im flattered by the thought" Han: "aww booo" han pouts and flicks at the sword (if its in arms reach anyway) Psalm: "I'm amazed you even asked honestly." on the outside psalm is :/ but on the inside psalm is like 😏 Han: HAN LOOKS AT PSALM PUZZLED Psalm: PSALM JUST LOOKS BACK AT HER LIKE WHAT? Han: she shrugs and lets it go

Chip: the pact is marriage <3 Keva: exactly, ordained by psalm's patron Psalm: why areyou trying ot homewreck me he's happily married Cimmorro: damnn psalm already taken before this campaign even started... how can we homewreck that beautiful marriage Chip: next quest Psalm: OI

Having had their fun messing with Psalm the rest of the group get up to go pay for their meals. The party idle around deciding what to do next, as they chat Han orders and waits for an additional meal to be prepared for her to take back to the Swallow’s Perch for Ferrie and the others.

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> 🎵 Village of Rynoka / Moonlighter OST

Han: oh before everyone starts leaving han is like "oh oh oh, ferrie chris insists everyone stay at the swallows perch.. its free food and bed " Rokka: "WHAT" Han: "yea :D" Finn: finn gives you this look 🤨 Han: "you included" Rokka: rokkas tail wagging at mach speed bc free roof and food epic!!! "THATS AWESOME!!! TIME TO GO PACK THEN" he quickly gets up and immediately heads home to do as he said Han: han waves bye :D.... Rokka: waving in the distance as he runs off Finn: "i ... see" he cringes at the fact that he will need a new residence soon, and that this is the most convenient option. however, he absolutely doesn't want to be stuck with the others. bad enough that they'll have to travel together for so long

The group split off their separate ways, Han sticking around to wait for her food, though Finn also sticks around to continue chatting with her about Ferrie’s offer.

Finn: finn rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. "ugh. not much of a choice, is it?" he pulls up his scarf more before continuing. "if you want me to stay so badly theres something youll have to do for me first." Han: HAN LOLS INTERNALLY and cocks a hip "what might that be? dont overestimate how badly i want you" Finn: finn makes a grimace, you can tell from his visible eyes. "ive no interest in women, give that up this instant" (so full of himself he believes that) he begins rubbing his temples. "anyway, itll give you an opportunity to be closer to me, i suppose." and motions for you to come closer Han: han guffaws "what?? and i have little interest in small men that cant handle me. whats that got to do with your favour?" she seems entertained and leans in Finn: finn is confused by hans push and pull, was she hoping to charm him somehow like this? when she leans in he yanks her down more to a comfortable level (by her hair) and whispers "i will say this as clear as i can to" an insult lies in the tip of his tongue but his scolding uncle appears in his mind "you. i want you to stealthily move my coffin to that inn, once i have to leave my quarters. youre the strongest so i trust youre capable. ill reward you if need be" Chip: WHY IS THIS THE GREEN M&M COPYPASTA JUDE ? Cimmorro: P;'TLQ30TO305O-0RQOFASF CHIP ILL ILLL MAUL YOUHG Finn: finns done fighting w cimm he needs someone new to hate him Psalm: finn's moral compass is his uncle its not even an angel devil him situation, its vorde

Han: han’s entertained demeanour drops immediately as her hair gets grabbed and shes mad and even madder that she didn't catch that so she just grabs finns hand painfully as he holds her hair and whispers with contained anger without even listening to whatever finns saying "dont do that. if you want to play friendly." Finn: he winces when she grabs his hand like that. normally he would not yield just yet but a fight in direct sunlight, with their bulkiest party member, is not what he needs. he lets go of her hair quickly. "i assumed it was fine to be playful around you. my apologies." <- genuinely meaning this Han: han is silent for a second "... just not the hair" and she drops finns hand "what did you say you need" Finn: "note taken. not the hair." he rubs his hand before going on his tip toes to talk to her instead this time. "i need you to move my coffin the day i move out. but obviously i dont want the whole city to see us with that thing, if you catch my drift." taking on a neutral, dry tone. Han: han thinks briefly "consider it done. i can burrow the inns cart and hide your coffin... actually, what exactly .. is it." Finn: finn blinks a little in surprise, not having expected her to still do it after he's pissed her off. his eyes get a little bigger, 🥺 like. "you will? i.. thank you. we can work out the details closer to my departure..." Han: han is like augh 🙄 at the puppy eyes bc she is immune to them "yea, just tell when to show up" Finn: "ill let you be on your way then." going off his tippy toes and waving goodbye for now Han: han waves him bye too......... cherry wheres my takeaway Cimmorro: how yall going to explain to ferrie chris abt finn's coffin Keva: dont worry about it its his burden to bear Celebrity Guest Aqua: His jesus cross to drag

After waiting a few more minutes Han is handed her takeaway, she soon scuttles her way back to the Swallow’s Perch with the meal, heading in she notes that Cimmorro isn’t back yet either. She promptly hands the food over before getting ready to work on the clock for the rest of the day. Layne joyfully takes the lunch as its handed to him, Ferrie steals a bite from it as well while Jessep stares at it and remarks he's full.

Soon after the two’s conversation, Finn heads back to the blacksmiths to get his rapier worked on for the day, finding no need to head over to the Swallow’s Perch for the moment. The rest of the party head to their inns to prepare and transfer their belongings over, Plum and Cimmorro however make a brief stop off at Vinny’s store first to check in on the goings on and to see if he’s returned yet.

The two glance at the building once they reach it, though it doesn’t exactly look to be open. Squinting through the window they see Cole bumbling around behind the counter in the back. Cimmorro waves at her from beyond the window though she doesn't seem to notice prompting Plum to knock on the glass instead.

Cole: you see her head swoop over like : D ? before she recognizes the two of you, and comes over to the front door, appears it was locked after all, as she wrangles it open the bell jingles "hey guys!" Cimmorro: cimm goes hiya and asks her if everything's been good around Plum: "hiya, i'm just here to buy one or two things" Cole: "yep I've just been cleaning up since vinny still isnt back" she tilts her head with a sigh before turning to you a bit more chipper plum "oho... were closed but ill make an exception for my new pal" she gives you a wink and ushers you in Plum: they jump a little at that and are a bit embarrassed now. a bit red, they scratch the back of their head and say, "i mean, you don't have to. i was just lookin' for shit to buy for my mom and pop before they got here... nothing serious." Cole: "aw dont worry about it, and if its something that easy then its all good for me to let ya nose around" she smiles as she waves her hand Cimmorro: "still no show huh, don't have any news when he'll be back too?" Cole: she frowns as she walks over to the counter "no... but if he isn't back tomorrow ill go over and see if they'll let me poke my head in..." she shakes her fist "he's...got important obligations here... yknow!" next to her one of the cats on the counter meows Cimmorro: he leans over and tilts his head looking at the cat "indeed, very important obligations." he pats the cat's head. "oh but don't get into trouble trying to get him though haha... in any case i oughta be going but i'll be peeking in from time to time. let him know i'm looking for him if you get the chance though, yea? thanks cole" he gives her a smile before gesturing to plum that he'll be heading back first Cole: she folds her arms "aauugh guards and wizards.... but sure thing, i'll...twist their arms somehow!" she gives you a cheery wave as you trot off Cimmorro: he kinda just smiles while shaking his head at that as he walks on off Plum: plum waves goodbye to cimmorro. they're kinda curious because they thought cimmorro was gonna buy something but whatever.

Going off ahead Cimmorro trots off back to the Swallow’s Perch noting Vinny still hasn't been able to return to his own store just yet. Walking back he gets a quick idea and shoots off a sending spell towards him to ease his mind over Cole and Ezra’s current statuses.

Cimmorro: "yoohoo, this is cimmorro. we found cole and ezra all safe and well. they've been back at your store since yesterday. no need to worry." Vinny: after a brief pause you hear a quiet sigh of relief in your head followed by words said in a whispered hush "i cant quite speak right now but. thank you so much, i mean that genuinely" followed by the typical silence Cimmorro: cimm scrunches his face a bit but will continue going abt his merry way then

Soon after he makes his way back to Swallow’s Perch, second after Han, and settles in their shared room. In the meantime Plum takes the time to pick out a few items from the store shelves as gifts for their family, chatting with Cole once they bring them back over to the counter to purchase them.

Chip: the cat seems to stare at you for the duration of this transaction Plum: "what's this one's name?" Cole: she turns her head and scratches its head "this ones coal" Plum: plum snickers. "what? did vinny name this one before or after meeting you??" Cole: she laughs "before! before! this guy here's my senior teaching me the ropes" the cat starts purring Plum: "right, how long have you been round here again?" Cole: she stretches back thinking "hmmmmm a year ago now...probably two actually" she scratches her chin "it's a nice city though, the airs so ...fresh around here even though its so busy" Plum: "yeah it is nice. too bad i'm not sticking around for much longer, i wanted to see the ocean better " plum says, mostly conversationally. "anyways, thanks for the stuff. and good luck getting that wizard lady to let go of vinny, also." plum huffs out a laugh. "poor guy." Cole: she pumps her fist "im getting him back here at some point at least! maybe ill wrangle ezra into it..." she thinks to herself before turning back "you should head down to some of the docks soon, they're real fun for peoplewatching" she says with a smile walking over with you back to the front door Plum: [pumps fist in return] "maybe i'll do that later then, thanks. seeya." Cole: she sees you out with a wave and locks the door behind you as it jingles, getting back to...you're not sure what she was doing actually. Finn: PLUM GOT HER ROUTE UNLOCKED Han: DONT SQUANDER UR CHANCE FOR A CUTE GF Plum: i will Han: oTL

Content with their purchases Plum heads back to their inn to begin their transfer to the Swallow’s Perch. Slightly ahead of them, Psalm and Rokka return to the Hole in the Wall and get the few things they have all sorted to go.

Heading out they note that at the front desk this time appears to be Artie as opposed to the other two employees that work there, perhaps they have their hands full with something at the moment. He silently notes the duos departure and mail transference with a surly nod.

Artie: at mention of the swallow’s perch he tilts his head and remarks “good place. got decent pie there” sending you on your way Psalm: "Also, if Ruth and Esther Brimdrorvi come looking for me can you direct them down the street please." Artie: he nods silently Psalm: Nice Rokka: i give artie my farewells and wait for psalm bc wynaut

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> 🎵 A Tavern on the Riverbank / The Witcher 2 OST

The two make their way to the inn next door, after a bit of chatter with Layne he leads them upstairs and directs them to the empty rooms they have upstairs on the first floor, adjacent to Cimmorro and Han’s shared room.

Rokka: "what room are u going to?" Psalm: "I have no preference." That being said he just goes up to the first empty room he finds and opens the door. Rokka: he nods and walks a little further down the walkway and goes into the second room

The two each take an empty room for themselves, forcing those who show up afterwards to decide who they’d prefer to room with. Across the street Keva also checks out of the Out and Inn similarly asking for her mail to be rerouted. At the counter are the two twins who quickly send her on her way

Flinn and Pin: they remark that one of the dwarves there will give you beer at a discount if you tell him a funny joke, but do not specify which one. Keva: she makes a face like 🤨 but with an amused smile "okay... thanks?" and heads over to the swallow's perch

As Rokka and Psalm settle in across the way, Cimmorro in his room takes has a thought and decides to shoot off another sending spell to another important recipient.

Cimmorro: "ulle!!! it's your cimmy. i wanted to show off what i can do now ehehe i'm going to be so cool when i get back" <--- he sounds very excited Ulle: you hear a confused sound in your head in response before spluttering noises and a response "whoa i was-bleh, eating a sandwich just now you scared me! haha this is so cool hey hey mahalia ! cimmorro just spoke to me-" before it cuts off

As Han’s shuffling about and doing some menial tasks around the rooms on the first floor she overhears the sending spell and pokes her head in to spy on Cimmorro. At the same time Keva soon arrives at the inn, getting the same spiel from Layne downstairs she heads up to the first floor hallway staring at which room to pick while Han blocks one of the doorways.

Keva: she does not want to room with psalm and his spying ghost. she does not want to room with rokka bc headache. she does not want to room with han bc headache........... but she figures she has to talk with cimm anyway so........ least of the evils Chip: women and cimm united front Cimmorro: clerics who respect women

Han: "were you talking to someone?" Cimmorro: cimm plops his back into his bed, completely relaxed and thanks wee jas in his head "ohhhh... this is one of the best things you've ever let me have!! thank you, thank you, lady wee jas >_<" and then notices han come in and acknowledges her. "hm? i was casting a spell... did you need anything?" Keva: keva's standing behind han blocking the doorway, in that time she is considering whether she should change her mind Han: she shrugs "nothing, just heard u talking, got curious- AH" at keva teleporting behind her and stares at her for 2 seconds before going "im going back to chores, bye" and scuttling off Cimmorro: he just looks at you two like 🤨 Keva: she moves out of her way and says bye back after she's already left like 🤨 "any room in here?" Cimmorro: he looks at you for a moment before understanding what's going on "oh you're staying here? that makes things so much easier for me. yeah there's room, though han can be a bit energetic" he laughs and points at a spot in the room Keva: she looks back in the direction han left for a moment "yeah that's going to be fun" /s, she'll go over and plop her few things down Cimmorro: a laugh "she's like that... though she can easily be distracted lolll... i think she'll be more focused on dress making than at you, for tonight at least." Keva: keva tosses her cloak on the bed while mumbling "thank the gods for that." turning to cimm "does she work here or smth?" Cimmorro: he nods at you as he sits back up on his bed "she was already here when i arrived a few weeks ago. i'm sure she's been here for way longer" Keva: "hm. well, don't let me get in the way of what you were doing." and she gonna climb onto her bed and take out a little bit of bread to feed amos Cimmorro: he watches you do that for a sec before going "okay, i'm still beat from going around the stores earlier myself so... we can talk about what you want to do with your outfit later. give it some thought meanwhile.."

As Keva settles in, Han remembers to head over to Ferrie Chris and notify her that Finn will probably be showing up later in the week.

Han: "the pampered one will come later... ill borrow the cart to fetch him, if its ok.." Ferrie Chris: she tilts her head from where shes bent over moving crates "hm? sure whatcha need it for anyhow? Han: han shrugs "he needs some stuff moved" Ferrie Chris: she squints "how much stuff could tha' guy have...?" she shakes her head "eh 's fine, we moved most of the stuff earlier in the week anyway" Han: SHE SHRUGS HARDER

As the two of them chat Cimmorro and Psalm both begin the process of attuning to their newly bought weapons in their rooms, though Psalm also goes through the additional ritual of designating his new scimitar as his pact weapon.

Ghester: for the latter ritual ghester is silent the entire while until the end in which he lets out a sigh, quickly remarking how strange a sensation that was Psalm: "Strange how?" Ghester: he ponders the thought a moment "like growing another limb, despite the fact that i dont have any in the first place" Psalm: he nods like he gets it even though that's kinda weirdchamp

As the group settles for the afternoon Plum also arrives at the inn, the last of the party to make their transfer for the day. Receiving the same spiel as those before them they waddle up to the first floor, deciding to pick whoever is behind the closest door to them for their roommate, the result being Rokka.

Chip: for your viewing pleasure

Cimmorro: AKFHJLKASFKSAJFAKLWFKAL Han: EMO A;LKDHGKLLKDSF Keva: I'M LAUGHING THAT GHESTER AND AMOS COME WITH US NOW Chip: your government assigned leeches

Rokka: his ears twitch and he turns towards the door "come in!!" Plum: "oh it's you rokka, nice. you don't mind being roommates do you?" Rokka: he perks up seeing plum enter, "oh plummy!! hi!! i don't mind at all in fact im glad we can be roomies hehehe" rokkas tail wags in delight Plum: "ok great, what are you up to for the rest of the day, then?" Rokka: "hmm" he taps his chin and looks up to think "nothing much unless you wanna do something with me? :D" Plum: "i'm not up to anything today, so sure. got anything in mind?" Rokka: "we can work on that music box you got!!" Plum: "oh, right! forgot about that thing." plum says, and starts fishing around in their bag of holding until they pull out the ＭＵＳＩＱＵＥＢＯＸＥ Rokka: he moves next to plum and leans his head closer to them "i don't know much about fixing music boxes so I don't think i will be much help but i can cheer you on :D" he tilts his head a little "whaddya think it would sound like once it can play" Plum: "i think it'll probably play, just not very well. i'm not even sure how this thing is broken. also thanks, if you cheer me on that means i definitely have to fix this thing though." plum says, lifting the box carefully to peek at it. Rokka: "yeah i had a feeling it would sound like that too...i cant wait to hear it in its full glory" rokka goes 🥺 and speaks with a little gentler tone "i just thought its another way i could help you is all." Plum: a little embarrassed now plum just says "right..." and trails off. then after a moment of looking at the box they say, "y'know this thing might not actually be broken after all. so it only plays on a full moon, right? and i thought that was just some kind of charm attached to it for fun or somethin', probably is. but other than that it's a functional music box. think the seller thought that little catch to it meant it didn't work." plum says this all in one go without realizing because they like to talk about magical objects. "personally," they continue, "i don't think that means it's broken. i think that just makes it more special. i could probably make it so that it plays all the time though, what do you think?" Rokka: he silently nods throughout plums explanation simply enjoying them talking more than usual in one sitting, "thats a bummer we gotta wait until then for it to play but if you can make it play ALL the time that would be super cool of you plum!" he gives them a thumbs up Plum: "well i can try, anyways."

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> 🎵 Tired Rynoka / Moonlighter OST

Plum begins working away at the music box as Rokka sits attentively beside them for the rest of the day. In their own mind they decide their course of action is going to be to change the enchantment into a dual purpose one. A person will still need to wind the music box on a full moon to have it play, but it will also play whenever if Rokka is the one to wind it.

Getting to work on inspecting it Plum finds the enchantment is inscribed weirder than they’d thought it would be once they actually get a look at it. Most of the evening is spent trying to make out the creators handwriting, but it is solid progress nonetheless. After much interpreting they see the enchanted name signed near the bottom thusly " -ＲＡＮＤＯＶＵＳ / THE GREAT AND BEAUTIFUL"

Han: randovus instant fave character no lie Rokka: whoever this is i wanna fight them Plum: chip was it that the seller thought it was broken??? Chip: yeahp Plum: oh LOL Chip: zafar like what in the....not gonna ruin my day [puts on shelf] Plum: hHHHFHFG

Plum: "this guy's handwriting fucking sucks" Rokka: he makes a weird sound of agreement as he doesnt wanna admit it "mmmnnyyeeahmnn?????????" Plum: "anyways, that's all i got for you today re: this thing. might take me a couple days." plum says, without telling rokka what exactly they're intending to change about the box until it gets done. Rokka: he oohs and ahhh through the process of what plum does "neat! you got me excited now that I know i can probably hear it sooner!" his tails lazily wags in content and a little nostalgic spending time with plum like this in a room as they remind him of his siblings Plum: "yeah, i'm pretty excited too. and its fun working on something for...fun. i feel like its been forever, even though its only been like, a week. feel free to tune in next time." Rokka: "yeah! i getchaaa especially with what we've been through having some time to just enjoy like this is nice hehe" he tilts his head at plum "really?? then please let me know whenever you choose to work on it! I will be there to watch and cheer asap! thanks for letting me watch plum " Plum: "any time. i can make it a little task while we wait for the ball and all of that." Rokka: he stares at plum for a moment seeming to ponder something "plum, you're really nice. I like you, can we be friends?" he says without his usual loud and cheery tone. this time being more calm as he asks genuinely for the first time Plum: "h-huh?" plum says after a beat, suddenly turning fully red in the face. "man, rokka, why do you sound so serious... and! a-anyways! i thought we were already friends?" Rokka: "I just never-- wait what???i---" he struggles with finding words to respond as he didn't think plum thought they were friends "you.....we're friends? really? really really friends?" he looks expectantly down at plum Plum: "oh i mean i just assumed since we get along and we're stuck in this large group for now. maybe i jumped the gun there, sorry. but yeah we can be friends." plum says and scratches at their face, feeling embarrassed. "you're making me feel kinda embarrassed over here, saying "i like you" to people so bluntly, y'know." Rokka: he lets out a small gleeful laugh with a smile growing larger each second "ah...ahah!! yess!!!!!!!!" he ruffles plums hair "Sorry, I just like to be honest, hehe," now in a very great mood he cant help his wagging tail Plum: [is ruffled] "no it's fine, just caught me by surprise. i like to be blunt too 🤨 " plum says and coughs a little awkwardly. Rokka: he just grins at plum before plopping onto his bed with a content sigh followed by a mumble "my first friend.."

As the afternoon ebbs on Cimmoro also finishes attuning to his new healing knife in his room, the other two going about their business in silence and settling in. Finally he moves and stretches, and gives the knife a stare, he decides to give it a whirl and to check whether he’s been scammed or not. He tightly gripes the blade with one hand and makes a swift cut on his hand, he makes a low hissing sound as he does, alerting the other two briefly as they spot his hand bleeding for a couple of seconds

Han: han just stares like 🤨 Keva: keva was feeding amos the little snack thing she bought from the pet store, but when she hears cimm hiss, she looks over her shoulder. when she sees the blood and the knife she jumps a bit in surprise like "what the fuck?"

However, despite how quickly he made the wound, once he expends the charge, it heals just as quickly, glowing slightly for a brief moment as the skin stitches itself back together, like there was nothing there in the first place. They watch even as the blood quickly rises through the air and zooms back into his body from the wound.

Han: she stares at the immediately closing wound "that..what?" Keva: she's also staring in confusion and curiosity Cimmorro: he watches the wound heal itself, wonder in his eyes and then immediately puts his palm up for han and keva to see it stitch up like ":D SICK...!!" Han: "is magic? thats cool" she pokes the part where he sliced himself Cimmorro: he breathes out in relief "wuhahhu... looks like i got my money's worth..." when han pokes at his palm he goes like "yeah! you wanna try?" Han: "fuck yeah!" han holds out her forearm excitedly >:D Cimmorro: "it only works when i do it though" he's taken aback by your enthusiasm but likes it regardless. cimm swipes the blade on your arm, making a clean cut [will use charge] Keva: she makes a 🤨 face at han's enthusiasm and closes up the jar of treats to put it away as she says "no thanks" .... she does turn back to watch tho

Cimmorro slices again this time on Han’s arm.....blood...a second...thwoosh the body stitches itself back together immediatley and the wound is healed.

Cimmorro: "aw cmon we can do it one more time" once han's wounds begin stitching too he looks back at keva like "see? see?" Han: "oooh.." han goes over the wound with her hand "its only a bit tingly... wanna try it over actual wound?" Cimmorro: he turns to han looking confused for a sec like "... wait are you injured?" Han: "no, but keva can stab me" :D “or you stab with the knife normally. i just trust keva to make it count” 😌 Keva: "you're really excited about being stabbed" Cimmorro: cimm is wondering why han wants to hurt so badly rn and his mouth is just agape Han: "wounds are an honour" Cimmorro: "what... well, i guess?" Han: "well, more in battle than in here but still" Keva: "is that why you tend to go into things without thinking" Han: "without think-?! i think a lot, thank you !!!!" han sounds offended Keva: keva makes geralt from netflix "hm" noise "kay well, i'm not stabbing you so" Han: han pouts "your loss" then goes back to looking at cimm expectantly with her forearm to him Cimmorro: "okay, ladies.... let's...." he sighs "this dagger can do as much damage as it can heal, supposedly... so... to test?" he looks like he doesnt want to tho Han: "to test!" >:) Keva: "we already know it works. why do we have to do this" Cimmorro: "just to be sure!" Han: "to test!" han repeats Cimmorro: "you're not going to hold this against me are you? if i stab you like real stab?" cimm is starting to wonder if this is a good idea Keva: keva puts her hand to her face Cimmorro: he makes a fake stab against the air right now just to make sure han knows what she's asking him to do "like this, stab stab" Han: "huh?? why would i?? plenty of family have stabbed me, just do it" she doesn’t flinch Cimmorro: he completely sputters at that "do-what tthe ?!? the HUH?" Keva: keva's slient for a moment in shock as well and then "...gods you're so weird" Han: han tsks impatiently "i can do it myself, yeesh" takes out her own dagger Cimmorro: "no, WHAT? STOP" Keva: "(medieval fantasy equialvent of jesus christ)"

Han makes a clean slice along her forearm without flinching, taking damage, much to the displeasure of her two roomates.

Han: the dagger looks similar to the hammer shes taken out before, one solid chunk of blueish metal Keva: she winces watching it happen and is like, getting up off her bed Han: "nnnow try it" :) Cimmorro: cimm looks horrified not bc of the wound but bc of han just being so.... han. he clicks his tongue while he makes a weary slice on her already open wound, expending a charge

With a glow the wound stitches together again and the blood zips back in, the wound is not fully healed but it looks alot less bad now, closer to a papercut but long across the arm.

Han: "ooooo~" Cimmorro: cimm lets out a sigh of frustration and keeps han's arm in place while he grabs his holy symbol to cast cure wounds on the leftover cut :( Han: han lets him but is like :/ Cimmorro: cimm lightly blows and pats on her arm as if to check if he missed a spot then lets her go once cleared out. "this thing is more for emergencies, it looks like" tilting the doctor's blade a bit with his free hand Han: han wiwis for a sec Keva: keva relaxes back onto her bed once the wound is healed Cimmorro: "since we'll be travelling together for a while it's good to let you guys know what this does, though i won't use it unless i really have to... i don't like relying on things aside from what i already know anyway..." he puts it away and then looks at han like :| "no more stabbing yourself like that" Han: han goes 😤 "this was for teeeest!" Cimmorro: cimm remembers how han also just nonchalantly sliced her arm in the blood chamber and he rubs at his eyes at the memory "you do this kind of thing so often!! what the hell was that about your family!! uggh" he just keeps rubbing his eyes rn trying not to think of what he was to deal with the next coming weeks Han: han just goes 😟 but says nothing Keva: keva notices the look on han's face and says "anyway." Cimmorro: cimm stares at her and sighs and shakes his head Han: han gets weirdly shy under the attention Cimmorro: "no more hurting yourself. if that's what your family liked to do then whatever. but don't do it around me.. don't like seeing it" he says that rather harshly but there is a hint of concern Keva: keva like a sibling looking out the car window while the other kid gets chewed out Han: han is still like 😟 "no its.. they didnt.. uagh" she looks frustrated by both not wanting to talk about it and not knowing how to explain it, and just drops the thread entirely , pacifying cimm with a non commital "i wont, i wont" Keva: keva just quickly raises and lowers her eyebrows, thinking well that sounds convincing in her head Cimmorro: cimm doesn't seem convinced, but it's not like he expected his words to do anything immediately. he exhales and waves his hand around to clear the air "well... anyway. you two know what this does. don't go stabbing me back when i bring you conscious with this pls..🙄 " Keva: keva waves a hand like yeah yeah Han: han snort laughs a bit and also agrees Cimmorro: he shrugs as if to say he's just trying to make precautionary measures "nice. well okay you are cuties dismissed 👏" he hops off his bed and walks out the door peace out

Cimmorro scurries about preparing things for later on, and as sundown and evening comes the rest of the party settle into their rooms and comforts for the night. Han however, after a bit more pestering of Cimmorro, heads out after clocking off her shift, and walks off towards a familiar destination in the city.

She weaves her way in and out of a few alleys and streets in the business district before entering one of the taller buildings nearby. Despite there having been no rain recently she also spies puddles of water near the outside of the building. Shrugging it off, she heads inside and up a few flights of stairs down some interior hallways, past the doors of a couple other businesses

it’s pretty quiet in the area compared to when she’d usually come around, with the sounds of people revel making and drinking typically filling her ears. She quickly comes to the entrance of the place she’s looking for, the words ‘The Bone Pit’ scrawled nested into a carefully illustrated poster nailed to the front of the door.

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> 🎵 Through the Valley / Pyre OST

She opens the door and steps inside, finding herself in a small lobby area of sorts, connected to a larger room that appears to be a bar floor with hallways leading upstairs branching off it. Though looking about it appears pretty empty and quiet, not silent however, some chatter here and there and the sounds of things being moved echo through the place. As she stares about it appears pretty sparse, its then that she notices a whole bunch of cleaning supplies stacked around the place.

Han: she just says loudly "hellooooo?? ruel? stella?"

As Han yodels out the names, someone shuffling around the larger bar floor seems to notice and comes running over, she recognises the woman as Stella, a short pink haired girl.

Stella: “ahh sorry there!!” she gives a cutesy wave “were closed right now for -er” she blinks now seemingly recognising you “oh my gods haaaaaaan, i'm being forced to do manual labouuuur- save me pleaaase” her tone changes to an uncharacteristically whiny one as she dramatically walks over pouting and shaking a mop that she’s holding in her hands.

Looking at her Han notes she’s not in what her typically style, instead in clothes that appear to be much more shabby, probably for cleaning. Behind her she also spots a taller person, whom she recognises as Ruel, a half orc woman leaning herself against a broom

Ruel: “...stella that’s like the 5th walk in, did you even put the closed sign out front..?” shaking her head as if she doesn't even expect an answer from the former. Han: han laughs at stella "you are such a baby." she notes their dress and says "cleaning day? do u want extra hands?" Stella: she lazily throws her head back with a groan “auuugh because of the lockdown the other day the good big boss decided this would be the perfect time to scrub down the whole place” she holds the mop out in front of her “this isnt in my job description y'know, i'm going to have to get my nails redone and everything after this, its tough work looking this perfect” she continues huffing a little before actually realising you asked a question "ah? oh no way we cant make customers help out, bad look..." Ruel: while she chats ruel crouches near the floor fiercely inspecting a stain in the wood near a bar table Han: "with the amounts of fluids this place sees daily i cant believe it took you this long to do deep clean....." han grimaces a bit but its still finds stellas baby attitude funny so it gets a bit lost. "and what? there are no customers around, no one sees me here. i asked a couple hours off." Stella: "ehh well it gets cleaned regularly but i guess she really wants these bar floors finally annihilated" she grimaces at the comment before looking back at you "y.........eaaaaaah but if i got caught doing that i'd get an earful is the thing" she waves her hand noncommittally though she looks like she is internally fighting off the temptation to just let you Han: han is just holding back laughter at stella like ppfftt "im sure you can do it, youre big girl" and then walks over to ruel and opens her arms for a hug Stella: she groans again and shakes the mop menacingly at you Celebrity Guest Aqua: is this like those clubs where they gotta hose the floor every morning or is it a nicer establishment Han:

Cimmorro: hate that gif so much dawg Chip: STOPPPPP Han: I AHTE THIS GIF TOO IT PLAGUES ME Plum: what is that fucking gif lord

As Han walks over to Ruel with outstretched arms she stands up curiously staring at her with a quirked brow.

Han: "i know ure off work but one hug pleeeaaase" >_< Ruel: she stares at you again but eventually sighs and opens her arms out invitingly like 😓 Han: "Oh! i actually came over to ask. me and some ..." han makes some grimacing/thoughtful expressions "friendsss?? like saved the town or whatever and they invited us to be guests at the new ball, do you guys wanna come??" :3 Ruel: ruel just ?? confused face at the question after the hug Stella: she turns her head towards you leaning on the mop completely disbelieving "if you ya want to invite me to a party han you dont need to lie about how cool it is" she says wrly Han: she probably has let go of ruel at this point lolol "no we talked to the king and shit.." han shrugs "its in 2 week, cimm, that priest guy, i dont think i told you about him, he even drew me a dress!" she starts looking around her bag "oh i must've left it with him... well anyway!" han is still in a chipper mood "you guys and the swallows perch are my only friends around so i thought i would invite you" she does get pink at this lol Ruel: she makes a face like 😑❓ silently thinking to herself Stella: she walks over and slaps her hand across your stomach jokingly "yeah and what did the king tell you?" she seems to be a little embarrassed about the only friends statement but is way to distracted by the ridiculousness of the gala thing Han: "uuhhh he was like [han tries to imitate his voice] thank you so much, here is 5000 gold, we are doing ball in 2 weeks, invite your friends. i have the gold to prove it" han opens her heavy ass stash and shows the girls the coin

Stella looks like shes about to crack another joke until Han opens up the bag, after which both her and Ruel open their eyes wide in surprise. Stella looks back between Han and the bag multiple times in shock

Stella: "th... first of all this is like, all platinum han, and second......i...." she stops mid sentence like she doesnt know what to say out of shock Ruel: she pipes up after "........you know they did say they were gonna rehost it...." Stella: at this she seems to snap out of her awe and stares up at han grabbing your giant arm and shaking you "HAAAAAN. YOU CANT BE SERIOUS THE GALA??? LIKE WITH THE ROYALTY AND EVERYTHING??? Han: she gets shaken around "yes, those guys, i dont rlly understand the big deal, ferrie chris was also excited about them?" Stella: "YESSS HAN THOSE GUYSSS" she seems to calm down a little though still gripping your arm "okay okay well im not gonna shoot for the moon or anything so i dont care too much about them but do you know how many rich nobles go to those parties.... the connections i can make there..." she then begins shaking your arm again "and i can brag about having BEEN to the palace my gods what am i gonna wear... i need to create the perfect ensemble, andrella is NOT gonna hear the end of this from me" Han: she laughs "i thought you might like it." she turns to ruel "how about you?" Ruel: as you turn your attention to ruel stella continues babbling to herself while shaking your arm, ruel stands nearby with her arms crossed thinking over it thoughtfully "honestly i am not sure i'd be good schmoozing somewhere so high class but" and she lifts her eyes up seriously with a glint and a thumb on her chin "the opportunity. is way too good." Keva: the egirls looking to get paaaaiiidd yeeeessss Chip: stella getting ready to have 100 business cards made Keva: are they bedazzled Chip: gel pen as well Keva: the other side is sequins that if you run your hand over it it reveals other colors and a message lmao Han: wait thats genius Keva: "stella" one way, "see the stars" the other Han: UA;LHDSGKH;KHWKH3LKESGKDX

Han: she just heehees "i went dress shopping with cimm today, hes gonna help get something tailored, you want dresses too? i can pay" Ruel: her eyebrows go up "oh no no, we can get that done ourselves fine, you're already inviting us and everything" Stella: she nods next to you feverishly "han i love you oh so dearly, now even more so, but i have my pride" she lifts a fist "and its telling me to go all out on this look...." Ruel: she nods sagely agreeing with her Stella: she quickly relaxes to a more joking demeanour before continuing "i appreciate the thought though as ludicrous it is for you to offer you big lug, if this works out i wont even have to annoy you to give me free drinks" she says with a smile ^__^ Han: han giggles then stops abruptly "what!! you said you annoy me because i dont let you tie me up!!!" <- she is faux sad Stella: she lifts a finger "i can have multiple reasons to annoy you" Han: she tsks "im glad you two are alright tho 😊 when you think the deep clean will be done?" Stella: she slaps your arm with a laugh at that Ruel: she thinks a moment "judging by how powerful these wood stains are... i'd say another two days with the others helping out" she folds her arms with a smile looking back at you "i'll be sure to expect a visit now that you're rolling large..." she squints her eyes and tilts her head afterwards though thinking on it "...kind of dangerous carrying all that actually" Han: she snorts at the wood stains comment "i dont have a lot to use it on anyway but thieves would be stupid to go for me" puffs out her chest "i will visit... soon? i will be leaving soon after so yeah.." han think thonks Ruel: she laughs at the chest puffing Stella: at the last comment stella tilts her head "ohhh??...flying the coop? you gotta tell me when we can go out for drinks or something, i'll have to console poor ruel.." she mock wipes her eyes Ruel: she rolls hers and grabs a cloth, getting back to working away Han: she shrugs "dunno, got one other bossman now and he wants us to go to antessa..." han trails off thinking about routes and times "you can grab me whenever you have free day. OH ferrie chris wants have do a banger too..." Stella: "damn moving up in the big leagues of freelancing now, cross country" at the second comment her face lights up "ohhhhh yes! when you have a date let me know i'll free up the evening" she says with a >:) grin Han: han is jsut ^O^ heeho evening successful, STARTS BIDDING THEM ADIOS? "no sex, no cleaning, im useless here" pouts again

Han scuttles off back to the inn satisfied with having said her piece, making sure to tell Stella to stop slacking off as she goes. The party all spend the rest of the little of the evening left idling around and killing time before finally heading to rest and bedding down in the dark.

Notes

💎Cimmorro and 🔮Psalm attuned to their weapons of choice

🦇Finn upgraded his sword to a +1 weapon

🍺Plum got an evenings work in on the music box

👨‍👩‍👦‍👦👨‍👨‍👧‍👦 Most of the Party relocated to the Swallow’s Perch

#recaps #210124 #this one took a little longer than the usual to get out yahaha

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