#i really really hate to keep asking
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Okay, y'all have helped me out SO MUCH already, and I hate to keep asking, but I have a lot of debt and not a lot of income (by which I mean: none). I'm working on finishing up a final personal project before I can start making and selling quilts again, but I'd really love to get a head start on finishing off paying my medical and related bills (food, QOL assistance, medical devices, medications my medicaid doesn't cover, etc.) I appreciate all of you so much, and please only donate if you have the money to spare - otherwise, a simple reblog is more than sufficient!
#mutual aid#i really really hate to keep asking#but soon i'll be getting a case manager for disability and hopefully that'll help#i'm also in a shitty housing situation and the less i have to ask my parents for the better off i am#which is partially how i got as deep as i am in debt#the job market here sucks ass if you can't do physical labor#which i very much cannot
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i need help with vet bills (again).
hi. for those of you who remember, earlier this year i asked for donations to help me afford toos' vet bills, who we found out through your help had kidney failure, and again with your help we got her on medication for it. unfortunately it wasn't enough, and we lost her. and then shortly after, dexter began deteriorating, which we put down to his grief of losing toos - she kept him young, he followed her everywhere, he only played because of her, he only ate when she ate, etc. without her he just stopped. and then he started to have seizures and fits daily. we got him blood tests, but he was suffering so badly. we made the decision to put him down. i didn't ask for donations this time, because i was so deeply embarrassed to ask for help again. but we are still recovering financially from that, as well as the parts of toos bills that didn't get covered from donations. my mother hasn't worked for a very long time, she's disabled and very sick, and she receives PIP from the government that only covers her monthly medications that are not covered by the NHS. my father retired early to become her full time carer, and we are living off his pension. i am too disabled to work, but because my mother already receives PIP and i live with them, the government are resistent to giving me any help - so i have zero income, and rely entirely on my parents.
this is jenny. she's a 14 year old cairn terrier, who loves when we garden because she wants to help dig holes. she helped us bury dexter and toos, digging their graves for them with my dads help. she's an angel, and loves people so much she likes to escape under the fence and join other families for awhile. one time she got into someones back garden and asked to come in as they were eating lunch. she really hates flies, and will try to bite them out of the air (she has never succeeded but i believe she will one day). she will rub her face against you until you start stroking her, and will growl and even bark if you stop! we don't have the money to take jenny to the vets, for a checkup or for anything they may want to do. this has been an ongoing issue, but toos and dexter took priority, and it hasn't been a bother to her. she existed as normal for a long time, but that's since changed.
jenny has this lump in her mouth, it is larger than the picture shows, but she is a nightmare to force open her mouth since this got so big, i think it's uncomfortable or painful for her. she can't properly close her lips now, and it has pushed all her front teeth away, misshaping her mouth, and sometimes it bleeds profusely. eating has become difficult for her, she can't eat anything hard, and currently will only eat soft human foods like rice, scrambled egg chopped up so small she doesn't have to chew, and things like soups and gravy. she's lost a lot of weight, and i'm getting frightened. to add onto it, i've found lumps like this across her body. i've done as much research as i can, and i believe it to be an oral tumor, it fits, and it looks right, and it spreading across her body is called 'full staging'. and going by all i've read - they will want to remove them in surgery. according to my research, this will cost anywhere from £585 - £4,740 for just the lump in her mouth. that's not including any checkup/test costs, or the other lumps on her body.
she hasn't been to the vet yet, i don't have any secure goal or bills to share, just my assumptions and beliefs from researching myself online. my parents refuse to take her because we can't afford it. i want to save up money, have it in my bank, and show them that we can help her now, before it gets worse, or it's too late. as i said before, i don't have any income, so the only way i can do this is with help.
here's a link to my paypal.me
the icon is a little mouse, and the @ is rivellon
i struggled so badly posting the first post like this for toos. i felt so guilty and embarrassed and ashamed. but i have no choice again, i want to help jenny. i don't want her to suffer. and selfishly, i can't handle losing another dog so soon. this year has been waking nightmare, and i need your help to stop it getting even worse.
please reblog and share, even if you can't donate.
thank you for reading.
#animal illness#animal sickness#pet illness#pet sickness#vet bills#vet help#i don't really know what to tag this as. i don't remember what i did before#and i don't want to go look for my toos post because it will hurt so bad to see it i think#im on hiatus because i cant deal with this and be here right now. but im gonna queue/schedule this a bit i think#im sorry for asking for help again. but please consider helping jenny. she's so lovely#and she's keeping me alive right now#losing toos and dexter ripped me to shreds and shes the only reason i havent completely broken down#i am absolutely terrified of what will happen if we lose her too#god i feel so fucking guilty. i can't stop fucking crying. i hate this so much#im so sorry guys. please reblog and consider donating even a tiny amount#tiny amounts add up yknow#anyway . i should post this now instead of hiding in the tags
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HOLY SHIT I FOUND YOU!! I SAW YOUR FNAF ART LIKE A YEAR AGO ON PINTREST AND I WAS LIKE DAMN THATS PRETTY FUCKING AWSOME BUT FOR THE LIFE OF ME I COULDN'T FIND THE ARTIST BUT I JUST DID, ITS YOU!!
I have no idea which art of mine you found from pinterest but based on what you're implying I lowkey think it's this screenshot redraw I made for the FNAF movie lmao (which I hope I'm right)
Unfortunately you won't get much FNAF art from me nowadays anon, ever since Ruin disappointed me immensely I've just lost most of the hope I've been clinging onto for the franchise, now I'm just here... reminiscing, watching from the sidelines, and making a once-in-a-blue-moon art for it if I'm feeling extra
#thanks for the ask!#Ziku's insane rambles#fnaf#fnaf art#freddy fazbear#bonnie the bunny#chica the chicken#Just to be clear#I don't HATE FNAF#I'm just tired of seeing the one character I love get dragged to the mud multiple times#I'm being nihilistic but when I say there's no place for Chica fans in the fnaf fandom#there really isn't one I'm afraid#Scott had the opportunity to do SOMETHING WORTHWHILE with Glamrock Chica#instead we got fucking Roxanne Wolf because oooo the fandom likes the furry bait ig#not that I hate Roxanne Wolf either but how tf are you prioritizing this one-time character over the ONE WHO HAS CONTINUOUSLY EXISTED#AND WILL CONTINUE TO EXIST; WITHOUT PURPOSE MIND YOU; BECAUSE YOU KEEP FUMBLING#I guess what I'm saying is.... fnaf can be so alienating and lonely if the character you like isn't the furry thirst traps#because Scott hates Chica and doing anything remotely important with her; she's just a joke character in his eyes#sigh... now I'm sad because I'm remembering what made me drift away from this franchise
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perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:
does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies
#when i tell you every single resource i’ve ever found or tried to get through or anyone i’ve ever asked#has been just so. mean about it#not even intentionally#not always at least#but there’s so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things#that i don’t think people can untie that from their ‘helpful tips’#it’s all ‘i used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you don’t have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!’ and it’s like. okay.#you see how that’s not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any ‘on time’ person#ever had#this has been a comic i’ve been stewing on for ages as well but. well there’s of course the shame#idk it’s something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it#see it as a personal choice to be late#and as something one needs to just ‘try harder’ to fix. and that if you don’t#you inherently don’t care about other people’s time or even other people in general#and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean i’ve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices#it’s something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for#bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. they’re always always viewed as a personal failing#and i’m sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves#and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Don’t care about anyone else#there’s a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month
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ORV is about enduring the horrors in real time.
(for @everyonesfavoritebastard)
#omniscient reader's viewpoint#kim dokja#yoo joonghyuk#I read a few arcs of ORV a few years back so I am at least loosely familiar with the characters and premise.#ORV dares ask the question: “what if you finally met your beloved blorbo who helped you cope through the horrors - and he *hates you*”#The reversal of what most people feel about some of their blorbos (love them but would never want to meet someone like that in person)#I would love to keep reading orv but it is very long and I already promised to finished like...3 other shows and several books.#my gesture of affection is consuming the media my friends care about. Alas I have none who are into orv to motivate me.#Also hey there raffle winner everyonesfavouritebastard - you gave no prompt at all so I took a random swing based on ur pfp and blog#I hope you like kim dokja! I am terribly sorry if you meant to leave a prompt and something glitched#EDIT: Found out raffle winner everyonesfavouritbastard didn't know it was a raffle. Homie...I'm So Sorry.#Now I *really* hope you like Kim Dokja.#You're so valid; I too would be mesmerized by the beauty of stackedbird's lovely little apple art.
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Hello again! I see ask are opened! And from the previously answere asks, ive come to know that mychael loves lil funky doo daads! (Im so happy to know this fjwvdjdh i make quite a bit of these and worry that theyre actually useless in the long run ;u;). How would he react if the mc gave him a bunch of ducks? Ive made quite a few and i'd love to throw em at him/affectionate
Oh my god he would adore these!!! Little knickknacks and souvenirs are the best, and he'd definitely fawn over these. I can imagine him happily displaying these little lads and lasses on the fireplace calling them something silly like the 'Ducklings Siblings'. Probably give them names and backstories too (they change spots and stories every time you visit).
And the fact you handmade them makes it so much better! A gesture like that he'd want to return tenfold. He'd be cooking up something similar for you the next time you see him (since his love language is gifting):
#mushroom oasis vn#mychael ask#i wish SO BAD i could draw this myself but id hate to keep this in my inbox </3#this goes for all the questions asking how he'd react being gifted a knitted item or anything really#he'd be in love with it instantly#and try to upstage you even
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Honestly my personal Shadowzel head canon is that shadowheart is uming and arring about catching strong feelings in a friend with benefits weird situationship because lae'zel doesn't seem to want more, while lae'zel is convinced she is with the love of her life.
This is mostly on Shadowheart for not bothering to work at a cultural barrier but it's also a little on Lae'zel who refuses to use any terms of endearment that aren't in Githyanki, a language she mostly switches to in order to insult people.
#Shadowheart#lae'zel#shadowheart x lae’zel#shadowzel#listen i have not romanced either of them. i am still in my first playthrough and quite frankly i took one look at them#and decided im not getting involved with their werid ass toxic yuri until i orgin as one of them. but in my heart this is true#but in my heart this is true#laezel *says the most down rights disgustingly soppy thing in Githyanki *#Shadowheart: ugh she hate me but i really like her and respect her. shes so hot. and the sex is so good. why dies she keep insulting me#in terms of person to snap shart out of this i nominate astarion for pure humor points.#he and shart get worsties drunk and she starts talking about her relationship troubles. and then lae'zel comes over after#staring at Shadowheart like shes her world and staying incredibly close to her. maybe asking to wrestle with her.#and astarion is just looking at shart like girl are you serious? she is standing 2ft from you at all times#looking like shes going to murder anyone who looks at you funny.
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mtt therapy moment except dust keeps taking breaks to talk to phantom papyrus and horror just wants this to hurry up so it can get to his turn because he couldn't give two shits about dust and killer's trauma and killer physically cannot discuss his issues and just starts zoning out while crying for some reason during it
and i'm the therapist listening to all of this writing down notes fervently because ITS CANON MATERIAL CANON I NEED TO GET THE CANON MATERIAL
#i have to break apart like 34 potential fights with my otherdimensional godly creator powers#i would be an ass therapist i will not lie. infact i would make them worse with my knowledge of their lives. never put me in a room w them#OH MY GOD I JUST REVISTED THIS IDEA AFTER LEAVING IT TO COLLECT DUST (hehehe) IN MY DRAFYS FOR A MONTH#ANS TJIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY HELP 😭😭😭😭😭 HELP😭😭😭😭😭😭#still real tho highkey i havent changed 1 bit. ITS CANON OMG WRITE THSY DOWN WHAY WERE THE EXACT REACTIONS#ive got these guys wearing microphones i got cameras in the room i got advanced psychologists watching to explain every detail#is it a therapy session or just a badly disguised interview#nooo nooo its therapy......DONT LEAVS!!!! (activates the chains (that coincidentally all are connected to eachother) (heheheheh))#now youCANT leave😈😈😈😈😈 not until im done asking my questions ASSHOLES. dont question the handcuffs that keep you guys together please#actually id probably get like nothing out of them because theyre all repressed and defensive and whatever. BUT im simply more determined so#tricule rant#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au#fandom event if the mtt ever became real. we're all lining up to the facility to ask one question#world's hardest challenge: if you could ask the murder time trio one thing what would it be#FUCK idk...... id simply hav too many questions!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!#triglycercule do your homework SHUT UO RESPONSIBLE VOICE IN MY HEAD!!!! I WONT!!!!! NOT UNTIL THIS IS DONE#fall headcanons for the trio when. i'll think of them once i'm done with homework#see a reward system! now i have a thought that i dont wanna say in tags this will be going to the side blog#anyways! i think that's enough drafts undrafted and posted i REALLY need to do my homework#i dont even have that much it's literally 2 assignments but i know damn well doing 1 of them is gonna bring me to dream and nightmare's age#sigh......... i hate school bring me back to summer break i wasSO productive. SMH
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mighty dragon (and fledgling)
#rewatching atla to ease my insanity#zhao showed up and asked zuko to come to his tent for drinks#and i wanted to reach thru the screen and hit his forehead with a pan so hard his eyeballs popped out of their sockets#hes so WEIRD i wish he died more brutally sorry#i know hes going nuts in the fog dimension or whatever but he needed to be beaten with hammers#ANYWAY. im gonna keep drawing iroh until i can do it in my sleep i guess? Hes really fun to draw i have so much fun drawing him#maybe ill even draw him in a good mood someday.... someday.....#also book 1 zuko is hard asf to draw i hate the armor brah#iroh#zuko#atla#avatar the last airbender
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let me be clear i like veilguard but it does suck that no one disapproves anymore outside of like. three choices. i want to be fighting for my life earning approval back again someone has GOT to hate my ass. i should be careful about party composition and companion reactions again. i miss tactically taking fenris out of the party before i'm nice to merrill like those were the days
#please omg can someone hate my ass . not really. but in previous games it sometimes did feel like i was earning approval back#like a. 'even when we fight i still love you. don't forget that' way . i wanted some uphill battle and dav IS super sanitised#the difference is more staggering to old players than new ones. i think dav plays rly well for someone who doesnt know the franchise#but i keep asking questions like 'should the dalish not be more worried about solas/etc' 'the crows r not this nice'#'why wouldnt isabela ask about varric' 'there should probably be more fantasy racism here'#of course these r the devs who were slandering zevran weeks before release. however its also just. man.#I AM ENJOYING THE GAME THOUGH. just wish it had a bit (a lot) more relevance and respect to what its built up in the prev games#dragon age#dav spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dav#txt#like for example i think one of my favorite small writing moments is cass asking about the inquisitor's family in dai#where she approves if you are also estranged but disapproves if you say you want to go back#because for a split second she does not just see a so called 'herald' that she's forced to work with#it's someone just like her who never got along w their family and despite herself she likes the inquisitor more for it#or it's someone who couldn't be less like her and her dislike and initial mistrust becomes more certain#it just. there's is an amount of depth lost when vg tries this hard to make rook be loved as a default
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you will NEVER see anyone writing paragraphs after paragraphs hating on keefe like they do with sophie.
#nah im sorry but i need to get this off my chest#how is it that SOPHIE always gets more hate compared to other characters or yk the ACTUAL ANTAGONISTS of the story?#why do ppl keep bringing up the fact that “she has too many powers” or “all the boys love her” TO SHIT ON HER#is sophie's character perfect? no#should sophie's writing be criticized? honestly yes take it up with shannon#but you ask a dumb bitch why they hate sophie and they'll start giving the funniest reasons ever#and it really makes you understand that these bitches will never say any of this if she was a boy#why do y'all expect so much from sophie#she does one mistake and everyone comes for her#she tries to do something and everyone comes for her#she tries to be friendly and everyone comes for her#she gets together with fitz and keefe and everyone comes for her#she manages to use weapons and fight properly and everyone comes for her#she shows a little emotion and everyone comes for her#hell she DOESN'T DO ANYTHING and EVERYONE COMES FOR HER.#“why did you mention keefe” oh bc yk he does a million mistakes and no one bats an eye#you can just clearly see the way this fandom treats sophie and keefe#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#sophie foster
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I have to wonder....is JD Vance TRYING to make Trump lose. Like DAMN EVERY DAY he's saying something to piss off women who OUTVOTE men 3:1. Like just TODAY he was saying "Adopted Moms" aren't real moms. This guy is an idiot.
I for one am perfectly happy that Tangerine Palpatine/Mango Mussolini/Orange Gonorrhea picked the Hated Furniturefucker Douchebag as his number two. Truly, they deserve each other.
#mugiwara-lucy#ask#truly i do not know what is happening but this is... fun#how what who why#also the number one thing fascists most hate is mockery#you are supposed to find them intimidating and powerful and cool#when you laugh at those little shitclowns it really destroys their mystique#so keep it up fam you're doing great#politics for ts#the giant orange monster
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#dbtag#silly hours#god#I feel like that's a really clear and consistent thing throughout the entirety of the manga but OTL leave it to Toei!!!!#lays on the floor I wish people were less afraid of letting “good guys” be flawed and selfish and reckless without having to like.#idk vilify them?#like Goku does and always has had a ton of negative qualities about him but what keeps him a protag and what keeps those negatives charming#is that 1) he never promises to be anything Else. If you're upset by his behavior that's a you problem Goku's just doing Goku#He's only upset when Other People get hurt because 2) almost none of those negative qualities contain any malice whatsoever#even as a kid when he was 'i killed that guy' it was like 'i solved a problem why are you mad (gen)' not 'good fucking riddance lol'#and he kept that as an adult too even when he learned more about compassion he's still 'well if you're not gonna stop i have to kill you'#it's never 'fuck off and die' it's always 'listen buddy either you knock it off or i knock you out there is no option c '#and god i love that Goku. I spent so long thinking I hated Goku growing up but I only hated Toei's Goku. Toriyama's Goku is GREAT.#like look if an antagonist is just a hero with the wrong perspective a hero is just a villain with the right one#and the fact that Goku has all of the qualities of a villain with none of the malice or intention makes him SO POWERFUL as a character#Goku doesn't like bystanders getting hurt. That doesn't make him less chaotic and self-centered and simplistic in his worldview.#A hero sacrifices his loved ones to save the world -- a villain sacrifices the world to save his loved ones --#Goku sacrifices himself because you cannot kill him in any way that matters#idskahds anyway here's another essay in the tags for your wednesday evening scroll#the justification the interviewer gave was that the anime was for kids but my beef with that is that Hero Tropes strip chaotic characters#of their emotions. Goku's conflicts are emotional. Goku's power is emotional. Goku's childlikeness keep him authentically emotional.#MORE kids -- ESPECIALLY little boys -- deserve a male protagonist who leans into his emotions to persevere and win.#Super deciding his “angelic state” would kill him makes me want to tear my hair out lmao Goku's EMOTIONS are too strong to hold it.#you could've just asked toriyama about it why'd you decide on the most basic high-stakes shorthand possible OTL#aNYWAY#media analysis#in the tags at least lol
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You doing ok?
hi
#i'm alive. simply being chewed upon by multiple things#work is more stressful than i'd like it to be. for instance i'm hoping that i submitted my time off notification for tomorrow correctly#because otherwise it might read as a no call no show and i would . like to continue having a job#now to be fair. i do have it on the system that i requested it at the beginning of the month and i emailed my supervisor about it last week#so even if i didn't submit it correctly i'm likely in the clear#but nonetheless. i also got a firm talking-to the other day and now i am on ✨thin ice✨ for dicking around too much#because they track ur idle time at my work (computer) and mine was Quite High so my supervisor was like man what the hell is this#but even though she was kind of baffled at me spending so much time dicking around#she couldn't even really be all that mad in the end because i'm still doing good numbers and have made no (zero) mistakes#so she was just like. it's kind of impressive that your numbers look this good when you literally have 50% idle time#so she goes imagine what you could do if you weren't wasting so much time#and yeah i can whip out some Really Good Numbrers when i put the effort in.#so the problem is not my numbers it's just that i'm not spending long enough doing my tasks for the day#but i don't want to drag out those tasks intentionally so i've just been upping my own standards/goals#as much as i hate giving any more of my brain power than is necessary to giant corporations#it's still easy to feel smug after you get Talked To and then immediately turn around and show off#like yeah i coulda been doing this good the whole time. literally pulling up by 20 points. i just didn't want to.#trying to keep everyone's expectations low but accidentally toed the line of um. not working enough to keep my job#...anyway. EAS national weather system issued a . hi#i haven't forgotten about all of you i'm just having trouble tracking all my shit that i got going on ✨ yaaaaaaay#im gonna post things on AO3 soon. i promise. my weakness is that i get sidetracked trying to unwind from work#...i know i said 'soon' last time. but this time for real#asks#not sexy#anonymous
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shows up to give you the coffinchain challenge
Please be more careful when you cross the road You’re a perfect arrangement of rickety bones
Stray cats.
Peter had always likened the apprentices to a group of stray cats, in his mind.
At first it was out of distaste. They were a nuisance; a band of drifters slinking around the alleyways, catching their quarries unaware. The quick, sharp jab of a hypodermic needle might as well have been the efficient killing bite that a cat might deliver to the throat of its prey. They worked in the shadows, occupying all of those lonely abandoned buildings and reworking them for a new, twisted purpose.
Then, begrudgingly, he’d found himself wrapped up in Mark Hoffman. Chasing him, hunting him, hellbent on bringing him to justice, then on killing him, then on understanding him, then…
Well, Peter didn’t know what he was doing now.
All he knew was that sitting in his apartment, in varying states of composure, were three of Jigsaw’s disciples.
Dr. Gordon sat on his couch, eyes trained down as his hands worked on bandaging a fresh wound on the arm of his younger accomplice. Stanheight sat quietly and allowed for the medical attention with little fight. Hoffman himself sat on the floor, back leaned against the couch close to the other two.
Peter remained standing, trying not to buckle at the absurdity of his situation. In true stray-animal nature, he had made the mistake of allowing Hoffman into his home once, twice, thrice, and now he’d come back with friends.
‘Don’t feed the strays’, indeed.
Accept that he did know the other two, at this point. The polite Dr. Gordon was well-spoken and direct; Peter had found him infuriating in the beginning. He was a hard man to interrogate and an even harder man to intimidate, as level and unflinching as he was. Unlike Peter, he never seemed to let his anger get the best of him, and he seemed to know that. Dr. Gordon was a man who always seemed very aware of how much more control he had in the conversation. It was enviable.
Then there was Adam Faulkner-Stanheight. Mouthful of a name. It was strange enough for Peter to wrap his head around the fact that the kid was alive, let alone working with Jigsaw. He was angry- had more rage in his scrawny little body than what felt possible. Stupid and impulsive, Peter had found him annoying. Just a petulant adolescent who had gotten himself into bigger trouble than he yet realized.
They’ve come a long way since then. Both apprentices had grown on him, maybe because they reminded him of himself in their amalgamate qualities. The cold, callous bluntness of the doctor. The white-hot temper of the kid. The way he had never seen the former so gentle nor the latter so complacent until now, as they patched themselves together on his bloodied furniture.
Peter had been reluctant to welcome them all inside. It was bad enough to shelter one serial killer, but now three? It reminded him that everything he’s been doing as of late is against what he once stood for. Fuck, it would solve a hell of a lot of his own problems if he didn't care. If he’d let them all rot, make them regret thinking that Peter would risk his own hide just because he's been friendly with them. Dr. Gordon and Stanheight had seemed to understand this too. Their expressions had been apprehensive, looking ready to flee like the animals they were. Peter wonders how long ago he would have given chase.
Hoffman had spoken, then.
“I didn’t-” His voice was shot and exhausted. “I didn’t know where else to go, Strahm.”
And just like that, Peter took them in. Those words were all it took. Hoffman limped inside on a bad leg and described some sort of police-raid, premature. John Kramer and Amanda Young hadn’t even been there, so it had just been the trio, and they were forced to flee. Unable to go far on foot in their current state, Hoffman had brought his injured companions here. To Peter.
Why did that make something strange stir within him?
The three of them were soaked to the bone from the rain. Peter watched Hoffman sluggishly attempt to remain alert, but every so often his head would lull and come to rest against the soft thigh of Dr. Gordon. If the doctor noticed it, he didn't say a word as he continued to diligently work. He looked tired. Stanheight was putting on the best brave face he could manage, but Peter’s keen eyes caught his shoulders trembling, only eased when Gordon’s hand came to rest on one and rubbed gently. They all looked so tired.
Unable to watch any longer, Peter finally broke the silence.
“So why are you still doing this?” It took everything in him to not fidget idly as he spoke, brows furrowed at the three men.
All eyes were on him quite suddenly, sharp as they regarded him. Three clever pairs of observant eyes that all screamed out ‘I know more than I’m letting on' to Peter. He held their gazes, muscled arms crossed over his chest.
“You know what I’m talking about.” He scoffed, lip curling. “What’s the point of doing the old man's dirty work when he just lets things like this happen to you?”
Silence.
Hoffman broke first. He laughed, eyes closing as he rested more fully against the couch. It was good-natured but ultimately dismissive.
Dr. Gordon frowned at Peter, one brow quirked as if he had asked them something incredibly naive. Like he expected Peter to know already.
Stanheight didn't react. Not outwardly, anyways. He only stared, something new and strange glittering in his eyes that Peter couldn't place.
“What,” Peter grit his teeth, an edge to his voice. Less of a question and more of a prompt.
“Nothing, nothing. Apologies, Mr. Strahm.” Gordon sighed, turning his attention back to his handiwork. He appeared to nearly be done with the worst of Stanheight’s injuries now. “It’s just… not that simple.”
“Not exactly the kinda job you can put your two weeks in for.” Hoffman corroborated, a smirk tugging at his full lips.
Peter felt his face burn hot, and he huffed in frustration. “You fucking- Don’t play dumb. Don’t act like it’s a stupid question. I’ll throw you back out onto the fucking curb.” He jabbed a finger at Hoffman in particular, who for his part did indeed shut his mouth. “You listening? Good. What I’m saying is that John Kramer is one demented old man. What is actually stopping you?”
This time, the quiet was punctuated by Hoffman and Gordon exchanging an uncomfortable glance. After a moment, Hoffman shrugged and ran one hand through his damp, messy hair. “I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept of, uh, checks ‘n balances.”
Peter raised an eyebrow skeptically. Hoffman continued.
“Information is power, etcetera. Kramer keeps basically everything on a need-to-know basis. Including, I dunno, who you’re workin’ with half the time. Hell,” He rolled his eyes, and lazily raised a hand behind his head to pat Gordon’s arm. The doctor made an annoyed noise in response, shifting away from him. “He only told me about these lovebirds when he needed help lookin’ after ‘em.”
“I’m still mad about missing out on a trip to Mexico.” Stanheight quipped. His voice was softer than normal, but Peter supposed it was a good sign that he was speaking at all. He wasn’t used to the younger man being so quiet.
Gordon straightened up a moment later, gently patting down the new bandages and brushing some of the hair from Stanheight’s face. “There you go.” He sighed. The warmth in his tone was so palpable that Peter had the distinct feeling it wasn’t meant for his ears. Despite being in his own apartment, he somehow felt he was intruding. “Get comfortable, alright?”
Peter watched as Stanheight pulled himself to his feet, stopping short just a little ways away from him with an awkward shuffle. Gordon patted his thigh and spoke his next words like they took all of his energy to say.
“Your turn.” He didn’t even bother to look at Hoffman. The detective grinned anyways, wasting no time in clamoring up into Gordon’s personal space and slinging his leg across the man’s lap. Gordon shook his head disdainfully, but carefully began rolling back Hoffman’s torn pant leg anyways.
Peter guessed he wasn’t the only one that Hoffman lived to irritate.
“Christ, Mark.” Gordon sucked in a sharp breath, and Peter’s shoulders stiffened as he took a step forward to look. His stomach sank despite himself; from where he was standing Hoffman’s calf looked like a bloody mess. Peter’s a man who’s seen more gore in his line of work than anyone should hope to see in their lifetime, and yet here he is, staring in alarm. It was unlike him, and woefully he could only attribute his own uneasiness to the owner of the calf.
As if he could read his mind, Hoffman looked up towards Peter. “Hey, it’s just-” He winced, hissing in pain as Gordon began to clean the wound. “It’s no big deal- no bullet inside. Just grazed me.”
“You were shot?” Peter balked.
“Grazed,” Hoffman corrected.
Peter pinched the bridge of his nose in a quick-rising frustration. Hoffman was impossible.
“Don’t be an idiot.” Gordon’s voice was little more than a growl as he spoke through gritted teeth. “You took an unnecessary risk. Do you think I enjoy patching you back together? Honestly, if I didn't know any better I’d assume you were trying to get your sorry self killed.”
Dr. Gordon’s tone left the detective bristling. “Don’t tell me how to do my job.” He scoffed. “Hell, I don’t bother you when you’re workin’ in the sickbay. Why don't you just- fuck!”
Hoffman yelped at the unceremonious splash of disinfectant. Gordon gave him the sort of well-practiced fake smile that only a doctor could.
“My bad,” he murmured, unapologetic.
Peter decided he’d seen enough. He turned on his heel and walked into the kitchen, telling himself that he was just stepping aside to get ice in case the doctor needed some. He knew it wasn't the truth, though; he scolded himself quietly as he leaned against the wall and ran a hand through his graying hair.
The truth was that he couldn't keep standing there, staring at Hoffman’s leg injury.
It’s ironic, because it feels like not too long ago that Peter would have done anything to put a bullet in Hoffman. Now the thought makes him feel… queasy. And a bit confused.
Peter found himself comparing the apprentices to strays again.
He couldn’t get the image of roadkill splattered on the side of the highway out of his head.
From what he knew of John Kramer and his cult, the apprentices were expendable parts. It doesn't even sound like they can trust each other half the time. One wrong move or fatal mistake would be all it took. Peter wasn't even sure how long it would take him to know something had happened.
His thoughts were interrupted by footsteps so quiet that he knew exactly who they belonged to before turning around. Stanheight stood at the entryway of his bare-bones kitchen, watching him. He’s probably spent the least amount of time alone with him.
“What is it?” Peter’s frown deepened.
The kid didn't answer immediately, instead coming to lean against the wall beside him. He was quiet for a moment, and then shrugged.
“Wanted to check on you, I guess.” He answered simply.
“Check on me? In what way do I need checking on?” Raising a brow, Peter gestured towards the living room. “Look at you three, for fuck’s sake.”
Stanheight held his hands up defensively. “Hey, hey, I just- I get it, alright?”
Peter didn't know what that meant. He stared down at the shorter man, scowl ever-present, silently prodding him to elaborate. Stanheight’s expression was… almost sympathetic, but his eyes had that same strange look from before: the one that Peter couldn't place.
The kid was easy to underestimate, Peter knew it from his file and from his current involvement. He wasn't about to make that mistake with him.
“Sucks, doesn't it?” Stanheight finally said. He was muttering now, glancing once over his shoulder to ensure they were still alone. “One thing to know what they're doing and another to see them come back with blood and bits of their skin hanging off.”
Peter felt his stomach turn. “No,” he lied. “If Hoffman’s gonna be reckless and get himself killed then so be it.”
“No matter what you or anyone else thinks, I’m not stupid.” Stanheight laughed dryly. “You don't gotta lie to me, okay? I’m on team Peter here.”
“Are we forgetting that you’re one of ‘them’ too?” Peter steeled his gaze, unamused.
Stanheight grimaced. “I mean- kind of. Not really.”
“‘Not really?’ What’s that mean?”
“I- like- like I’m with them but I’m not one of them. Old Johnny-boy has never and will never give a shit about me. Not exactly in the running to be his heir or whatever the others think will happen.” Stanheight huffed, rolling his eyes as he explained. “Pretty sure he wouldn't even notice if I went missing if it weren't for the pictures ‘n schedules I go and get for him.”
Peter is quiet for a moment.
“Why stick around?” He asked softly, already knowing the answer.
The kid just snorted in lieu of answering, and the two fell into silence once more for a couple of seconds.
“Glad that Mark has you.” Stanheight suddenly murmured, thoughtful.
“He does not ‘have me’.”
“Maybe you can knock some sense into him.”
Peter scoffed, looking elsewhere. “You’re frustrating, you know that?”
“I’ve been told.” Stanheight laughed, “I’m not kidding, though. It always freaks me out how Mark gets when he’s like…”
Raising a brow, Peter waited for him to sort out his thoughts.
“Like, when he gets hurt, right? He just- just runs off. Or he’ll go and get hammered on the other side of town and when we find him he’s a mess.”
At that, Peter’s shoulders went rigid. He was aware of Mark’s habits, his unhealthy coping mechanism. He hadn't thought about who else might know, how deeply it might run. He hadn't thought about how often Mark must be alone.
When he looked back at Stanheight, he realized the kid was staring at him intently. There was concern in his expression, but also something fierce.
“John’s really messed him up. Worse than he was before all of this.” His voice was low, almost cautious. “All of them. Lawrence, Mark, Mandy, none of them deserve this. You know that, right?”
Peter’s mouth felt dry. “I…”
Straightening up again, Stanheight stepped closer to Peter. Before he could see it coming, a smaller hand took his own and held it, inspecting it. “I think Mark needs you.” He said, “maybe all of us do. So you gotta take care of yourself too.”
Something confused seemed to bloom in his chest then, an uncertain warmth that he could feel rise up to his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again when he couldn't decide on anything to say.
“Just think about it, ‘kay?” Stanheight let go of his hand again and started to leave the kitchen, pausing for just a moment to look back at him. “Oh, one more thing.”
“What is it?” Peter’s voice was hoarse.
Stanheight gave him a grin that didn't meet his eyes. “Welcome to the family.”
Then he was gone, Peter’s protest to that statement dying on his lips, and Peter was left to think on everything he said.
Hoffman needing him. Hoffman hiding himself away in dark corners to nurse his wounds. Improperly set bones and too much bandage.
Stray cats.
Peter’s family used to have cats. His sister’s cat had been an old, white, raggedy thing that she named Alfredo. When Alfredo passed away, he had hidden under the bed and refused to come out. Peter thinks he remembers reading somewhere that pets do that on purpose, so their humans don't have to see them die, but it's been years and his animal knowledge is limited.
Peter wondered how hard it is to socialize a stray cat. To reintroduce it to domesticity.
He stepped out of the kitchen, lingering at the entryway, and watched the apprentices from where he stood. Gordon seemed to have finished with Hoffman’s leg, speaking to him in a quieter tone than before. To his surprise, Hoffman looked like he was listening. Stanheight was on the couch with them now, leaning his head onto Gordon’s shoulder.
Peter found that he wished he could freeze this moment with the three of them in it. The bubble of safety that was his living room felt far away from everything Jigsaw. Maybe they were always meant to be here, on soft furniture, and not crouching amongst rusted pipes and jagged metal.
Tamed. Domesticated.
He sighed through his nose and walked around the couch, three sets of clever eyes on him again as he caught their attention. Now that he was there, he could see that Dr. Gordon had just begun to wrap up Hoffman’s leg and he silently motioned to ask for the gauze, kneeling down between them.
Understanding the gesture, Gordon handed it over, smiling at Peter warmly enough to raise his body temperature by a degree.
“Strahm-” Hoffman started, bewildered, but Peter simply began wrapping his leg neatly.
“Shut up.” He grunted. “Let me help you, stupid.”
#saw#coffinchain#chainshipping#hoffstrahm#coffinshipping#hoffstrahmdonheight#asks#jennilah#I LOVE YOU JENNA I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG#these are supposed to be short fics . uhhhhhhhh#i prommy i'll get better at this whole ficlet thing#anyways god i hope any of you like this bc i already hate it LMAOOO it's mostly dialogue and idk if it's anything#oh well#sometimes you write 3k words and then just go 'this sucks' and post it anyways#could've been softer given the song i rolled BUT i wanted to ease y'all in since this is technically my first posted coffinchain fic#pls tell me if you do like it ;w; and also don't be afraid to keep sending ships/characters bc i'm still up for this song lyric prompt#writing#fanfic#peter strahm#mark hoffman#adam faulkner stanheight#lawrence gordon#ughgg i love them. i really love them i wish i could do them more justice than this
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If Zhou Guanyu and Logan both get kicked off the grid im going to be so sad, because no they aren’t the best or even close….but Zhou with his China fans that LOVED him, and his cat sweetcorn is the cutest thing ever. While Logan has and team torque, and the found family dynamics he created with Jenson and Alex.
#logan sargeant#zhou guanyu#williams racing#williams f1#f1#f1 silly season#stake f1 team#i’m going to cry#please let me keep one of them please#is it really too much to ask for?#james vowles#please i won’t hate you anymore#I had to google the stake team principal#they don’t have one???#they don’t have a designated one#please either Andreas Seidl or Alessandro Alunni Bravi#keep Zhou please
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