#i really hope they just wanted to.... idk. get out of the fandom or not be popular or whatever but i'm a paranoid bitch and i worry

[onioneyez]

Thinking about the GO kiss (of course) and how that strange versatility of the pairing in general extends also to this. The fandom’s grief is so universal because each person sees in it exactly what will hurt them the most.

To this aromantic, Crowley’s desperate gesture looks like: “is this what you want? Will this make us real to you? If I show you I love you in the right way, the human way, will I finally matter enough for you to stay with me?”

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

So, Book of Bill, huh?

[sweetvalentinescandy]

trying to make some tweek designs just to like practice or somethin idk ell oh ell im not feeling very confident in my art anymore lowkey

big yap fest for each design under the cut !!

Barbarian Tweek

"ive never really thought of tweek as afab outside of TSOT, but i feel more comfortable drawing top surgery scars [than i do like.. nipples.] ive always seen tweek as trans, usually non conforming/non binary/androgynous in general, but ive never considered transmasculine. but i like the idea!

this is probably my least canon compliant design of this bunch. i feel like the fantasy of TSOT is just so ripe for headcanons. i NEVER draw sp characters with canon in mind really, probably the autism taking over or somethin, but i always at least age them up [more in the main tweek design]. for this design, i was thinking more of what tweek thought they looked like, if not the more au version of TSOT. like, The Thief by Wintergrew on ao3 kinds of non canon compliant. thats also most of the inspiration for basically every TSOT thing i do ever. i love that series (i did cry) (a lot)"

Tweek Tweak

"its the original guy lets have a round of applause honestly..., not my favorite time ive drawn bro. he looks so boring when hes just standing there. i always see tweek as non binary, just because i project on them a LOT.. like. i know that hes a guy and probably doesnt care [in canon], but i just headcanon like that i guess. i also age him up, along with every other sp character, to be around my age so like 14-17. i know thats controversial [and by "i know" i mean i saw someone on sp whisper pinterest say they hated it] but i just dont know how to write kids. theyre kinda boring. i can project more onto teens i guess. thats kinda all there is to say. sometimes i draw tweek with brown pants, but thats because i just like the earthy aesthetic [on them]"

Wonder Tweek

"this is the most canon compliant one. im just not that much of a TFBW guy honestly (which is sad because its the only source of not really canon twenny sigh) but i guess its also the source of some of the best creek. i am not a creek hater but sometimes its hard to fight the allegations when i start crying over them having a cute scene in a video game [not because im mad its because i miss being in a relationship] [frowney tumblr loser behavior] when i say this is the most canon compliant one, i mean it. this is SHORT HAIR TWEEK. [i usually draw tweek with like longer hair like 2021 wolfmullet hair and with the little twin sideburn things idk what theyre called, mostly because i didnt know how to draw short boy hair before getting into sp and thats just how i drew them instead but a year later i finally decided to just do it and thought it was okay for startin out] code red. sound the alarms. theres not a lot to say besides that. (can you tell i hit my peak with barbarian tweek.) [i ordered this by order of how i finished them and yes you can tell sigh]"

[milfygerard]

living in the inbetween hell where I dont hate or love ttpd enough to agree with anyone on the dash so im just sort of flinching whenever I see a post about it from any side

[trashlie]

Alyssa Cho: Sexuality and Fitting In

It’s been six months since we finished the Shinlyssa Flashback arc, can you believe that? And it’s taken me all these months to finally start putting together this post lol. 

During the flashback arc, one of the hotly contested theories was: Did Alyssa have a crush on Shinae? It’s easy to think we’re reading into things, especially in a story like ILY where we can’t always, in the moment, see something for what it is, or rather what it will become. It’s easy to overthink things, and sometimes we get focused on things that are red herrings. But, in this case, I think it’s not far from the truth at all. In fact, I think the possibility of Alyssa’s sexuality is a part of why she is so desperate to fit in at all. Especially in middle school, society isn’t always kind to lgbtq folks, and there’s a couple hints that it might be something her family is against, as well. 

Now I want to make it clear from the start: I don’t think we can specifically speculate on what Alyssa’s sexuality is, firstly because there’s a good chance even she isn’t sure and secondly because sexuality is certainly a part of a spectrum and it isn’t something that necessarily stays unwavering. I will also up front state that while my suspicions are that Alyssa leans more towards lesbian, that doesn’t negate the possibility of bi/pan/something less specific. But what I DO want to speculate is how her relationship with her possible sexuality, and thus her relationship with Shinae, heavily factors into her need to conform and fit in. 

I think the beginning of the flashback arc is where we see Alyssa at her happiest, and perhaps her most honest. She has a great time in math club with Alyssa, the teacher gets her excited about the math competitions and the chance to prove herself. But it also is where everything starts to go downhill. 

It doesn’t really need reiterated, because the story has made it very clear, but Alyssa is very driven by attention and praise. But I don’t think it’s blind praise she wants, because she often refutes it from Alyssa. It’s not anything special to her that she can play instruments because anyone can do that; writing music though? That’s special. Alyssa talks about wanting to be liked and popular, but what I suspect she really want is acceptance for who she is, and she quickly learns that it won’t be found here unless she starts faking it. 

She’s an intellectual girl, advanced beyond probably most of her peers, who has no favor for kpop and much prefers the classics, is heavily invested in STEM with a favor for bio engineering. It’s made immediately apparent to her that all of her interests will make her a target. It’s not simply that she won’t fit in - it’s that she sticks out in a way that will make people think her weird and outcast her, and it’s really clear that being ostracized is something she fears. I think it’s important to emphasize that this is a fear; it’s not simply being a preteen and wanting to be liked because you don’t know how to be alone but a fear that drives her to do really rash things and lash out. This fear is compounded by her anxiety. When confronted about the missing science project, when it gets out of her hand before she has a chance to stop it, when confrontation comes to a head, Alyssa goes home, feeling sick and miserable. 

She simply could not handle the confrontation or the ramifications it yielded. 

For Alyssa, fitting in a necessity. 

Early in, Alyssa admits to Shinae that she begged her parents to let her go to public school because she wanted to make friends her own age. I imagine she must have been lonely. I don’t think she was homeschooled with other kids - just her sister, and from the sounds of it, she probably didn’t have friends in her dance lessons. I’m willing to bet they were personal, one-on-one lessons, or else maybe she would have been more focused on making friends with the kids in her class rather than dancing? As it is, dance sounds like it was a passing interest of hers that she didn’t really come to love but was stuck continuing, because the alternative was to tell her parents and that doesn’t seem something she’s capable of. But she also admits to Shinae that she has seen what happens to kids who are outcast and ostracized. She doesn’t want that; it goes against the whole reason she came to public school! Why would she endure that if she could just go back to homeschooling and her loneliness?

Another thing Alyssa notes, though, is this. 

It doesn’t seem like much, in the moment. Alyssa has already talked about how overbearing her parents are, how she expresses interest in something and they shower in it, even it was just a fleeting idea. She seems to feel overwhelmed by them and wants an escape from them, lest they take another thing that interests her and put her through it in a way that makes her lose any fancy she possessed for it. 

But it’s a mantra that comes up again, later. 

For a while during the flashback, I waffled a lot on Alyssa’s sexuality. Was it, I wondered, just a red herring, meant to make us THINK Alyssa had a crush, but it was really more about her internal conflict with her feelings about hurting Shinae and trying to do what she wants? Alyssa (much like Nol does) struggled a lot with her relationship with Shinae vs what she wanted more than anything. She tried to make it worked - tried to find a way to be both Shinae’s friend AND to be popular and well-liked, and when it miserably back-fired on her, she made a choice. 

It was here, though, that I began believe that yes, Alyssa probably did have a crush on Shinae, that Alyssa may, in fact, like girls. 

Alyssa has a secret so deep that she doesn’t want anyone to know, not even Shinae. (Also, note the way she says she didn’t want anyone to find out, not even you, as if maybe, Shinae could have been separate person, who maybe she could tell her OTHER secrets to, if they ever got so far.) She especially doesn’t want the teachers involved, because that will get her parents involved - and they won’t be happy, because they’ll ask things and they won’t like what she has to say. That is, the truth was something that would upset them. 

It’s really important, too, to reiterate that Alyssa’s home life is far from perfect, too. We’ve seen just enough to start to wonder about them. Alyssa’s response to her dad was the most telling - the way she completely changed her whole personality and mood in response to him coming home speaks volumes. 

Shinae doesn’t seem to register what she overheard, but the jagged speech bubbles suggest yelling, Meg and her dad probably arguing loudly. We don’t see anything, so it’s hard to completely read the body language - is Meg just covering hear ear because her father is yelling? Is she holding her hand up because he slapped the side of her face? 

Moreso, when Shinae asks if everything is good at home, and finally brings up the complete 180 change of Alyssa’s, she lashes out again. 

Hiding an angry, controlling, potentially abusive father is probably first nature to Alyssa. She’s learning - she knows what kinds of things will ostracize you, what will make you weird to the others. Isn’t it better to not let them see that side of you? But honestly, further? It reads even more like she’s just not allowed to bring kids around, period, because of him. When Shinae called to check up on Alyssa after checking on her, she asked if she could go over and visit Alyssa again, and her mom told her that she couldn’t. Whether her dad is actually strict about people coming over or Alyssa is just using it as a line to not allow anyone else (and frankly, it feels more like the latter, since she’s still feeling out what is “normal”), the point is: they’re hiding something. 

So Alyssa has a secret she’s so desperate to keep, that she absolutely does not want anyone, not even Shinae, and especially not her parents to find out. 

The other thing that made me start to feel more confidently about this possibility was the language used by the boys bullying Alyssa. It’s language that is very pointedly anti-gay. 

It’s not just simple bullying - it’s not (completely) about the stolen project, it’s not about who she hangs out with or her socio-economic status or who her paents are, or anything like Shinae is bullied for. 

“You’re really cute, you know that? Such a shame it’s going to waste though... Nasty.” 

What else could they mean by “going to waste” if not that it’s a shame that she, a cute girl, would never date them/some guy, that it’s “wasted” on her going “against the natural order of things” or something equally gross. 

“You know they say people like you have brains that are damaged, right? That’s why you’re the way you are.” 

Homosexuality being written off as a mental illness, as something wrong with the brain, as something that can be converted out of them, as though it’s a defect still remains an argument even in this day and age. Anti-gay hate speech still tries to convince queer folk and especially those who hate or fear them that there is something wrong with them, that they’re defective, that it goes against all that is natural (a man should only lie with a woman). 

These boys are echoing explicit hate speech, and I think it must be tied to the notes in Alyssa’s locker. If they were the same things Shinae is being bullied for, why would she refused so adamantly to tell her about it? If they were bullying her about the same thing, wouldn’t she maybe instead just blame Shinae? But instead, she doubles down on it, because this thing, this thing she’s hiding that she doesn’t want anyone to know about, would ruin everything. Her parents would hate her, and if she were forced to tell them the truth about it, perhaps she’d face even worse consequences with her family. 

Alyssa reiterates that she just wanted to be liked and to fit in. And now, there’s no easy way out of her current situation. She’s conflicted about the choice she has to make. She doesn’t tell Shinae what she’s conflicted about - but I think it’s pretty easy to guess what it is. 

Alyssa’s conflict is: does she remain friends with Shinae who has been nice to her and has treated her so well and probably made her feel special, but also whose relationship has brought Alyssa strife and made others think she might be a weirdo thief in association; or does she do what she set out to and forsake Shinae in favor of the other kids’ approval, to fit in and blend in just the way she wanted? 

We know what choice she made, but despite how things go, I don’t think it was the easiest choice, either. When Shinae calls out Alyssa on things like ignoring her, Alyssa deflects, though not well, and she looks nervous or anxious. When the awful girls are messing with Shinae’s belongings, Alyssa (unsuccessfully) tries to stop them. The whole altercation leading up to Alyssa recoiling and accidentally pushing Shinae out the window seems very much like a battle for Alyssa of what she wants and what she knows is right. 

Shinae had a big impact on Alyssa! She was Alyssa’s first friend, and probably one of the only real, true friends she ever had. Shinae liked Alyssa completely for who she was - for her love for math and science, for her cool trips to cool exhibits, for her ability to play so many instruments. The things that made Alyssa weird to people, Shinae accepted her for. Most importantly, Shinae was a bright beam in her life. She was radiant and seemed so confident and strong and tough - things that Alyssa admired but did not herself possess. 

Sure, it could have just been admiration. After all, when Alyssa began blushing with Shinae, it came off the back of compliments, right? 

Alyssa seems so taken aback by Shinae’s very earnest compliment, by the idea of impressing someone with one of her skills, with the idea of being able to play something for her. But if it was simply about compliments, wouldn’t all compliments make her flush? 

Minhyuk’s compliment doesn’t get much of a reaction from Alyssa. If anyone, she looks a little wary, a little put on the spot. But when Shinae backs him up and reiterates it, she’s back to being flustered, mumbling something Shinae doesn’t catch. 

Something I think is worth mentioning is that quimchee definitely differentiates these kinds of reactions. Blushes are colored red and usually use the lines, but there’s a LOT more cases of the lines being used without a blush. I’ve always thought of that as being flustered - similar to when you embarrass, but perhaps not to the same degree. 

We’ve seen it many times between Shinae with Dieter (compared to Dieter very often going red with the lines). We saw it when Shinae pointed out that Nol’s face had healed by getting very close to him and he got flustered, and even far earlier in the story, when Shinae ran into him in the Hirahara Corp. lobby and he fell out of the chair he was spinning in. 

We even see a small version of the lines on Shinae’s face when she watches Minhyuk at taekwondo and she finds him really cool. 

Now, I’m not trying to say red blush = romantic feelings, although I do think they tend to trend that way. I just want to reiterate that when the red color enters, it feels like more of a flush, a deeply blushing, than just flustered. Blushing can be embarrassment - but we also see it often with the lines (see Nol) or sometimes a sweatdrop. Perhaps quimchee does have a more specific set of rules about this that we’ll one day hear about, but it’s something I try to keep in mind. 

That said, Alyssa blushing A LOT in a black and white flashback where her sexuality has come in to play feels very, very pointed. The flashback has selective color, so Alyssa’s flush stands out. I think it’s meant to. I think we’re meant to infer this. 

Her blushing isn’t simply limited to Shinae praising her, either. 

When Alyssa finds out Shinae was bullied at her old school, she apologizes, and tells her she never would have guessed, asks how she can be so strong. Shinae is nothing but honest, but it’s her brilliant smile that sways Alyssa. 

I think there’s something even more specific about this blush, too. The close up on her face, how we don’t see it all, her eyes withheld, her mouth quivering. Alyssa is so affected by this. It’s not Shinae paying her compliments or praising her. It’s Shinae. Her warmth and radiance and strength and positivity and the way she just shines. 

And that smile GETS to Alyssa!

Alyssa can’t run away this time, so she looks away, but the blush still happens. Shinae’s smile just seems to be so disarming to Alyssa! 

For a while, when I was trying to decide if I thought this was a crush or a red herring, I considered: maybe every time Shinae is so bright and positive, she feels bad because she’s lying to Shinae. She feels bad because she knows Shinae is a better friend than she is. And sure, I suppose that could be. Alyssa doesn’t like when she looks like she’s in the wrong. But given the context of the explicit things the boys said, the bullying that Alyssa wouldn’t open up about, the thing that she absolutely adamantly does not want anyone to know about, that she can’t speak of? 

It feels like it’s exactly what it looks like: Alyssa has a crush on the nice, tough, confident, weird, boisterous girl who is so nice to her and sees something in her. 

Alyssa is so affected by Shinae’s concern, by her expression of actual care. Telling her she misses her, going all the way to her place to check on her, her relief that she’s okay. Alyssa is so touched by the effort Shinae puts forth, so moved to be on the receiving end of it. She just can’t reconcile herself with it. 

Because Shinae represents the thing Alyssa is hiding, that she wants to run away from. She knows the other students think Shinae is weird, and that association with her only pulls down her own reputation. She’s in conflict over what she wants (popularity, so many friends, people to like her to) vs what her heart wants - Shinae’s affection and unabashed confidence and the way she looks in Shinae’s eyes. 

But she can’t admit this to herself. She can’t let her heart, her feelings, rule this conflict. 

I think Shinae hit the nail right on the head - just not in a way she realizes. I think Alyssa IS lying to herself. I think she IS in denial. I think her sexuality is something she’s yet to reconcile, that at this point in time she cannot make peace with. Because people think it’s weird, because they think it’s unnatural, because it’s “wrong”, because they think people like her perverts are monsters. There’s a part of her that she recognizes is not “normal”, in that it doesn’t suit the status quo, what society generally believes to be true, so she hides it. She stuffs it deep down and tries to repress it, to pretend it’s not there, pretend that’s not her, pretend she’s the very picture of “normal” middle school girl. 

She pretends to like the things other “normal” kids do. She starts to feel uncomfortable about the things she DOES like. She’s not embarrassed about math club - she’s just self-conscious. Because being weird makes you stick out. It makes people look differently at you. If you’re “weird” enough, it makes them bully you, ostracize you. 

Alyssa is so lonely and she just wants to fill that void. She thinks fitting in will make it better. She thinks fitting in will protect her. Look how quickly the bully girls change their beliefs about Alyssa, as soon as she pushes all suspicion from her. No longer is she the weird one, suddenly they wall want to be her friend, they think she’s so cool. Just like that. 

Fitting in will afford her protection, because if she’s “normal” enough, no one will suspect her, no one will find her weird, and no one will find out about her darkest secret. It will keep her safe. 

Obviously, this is a naïve belief. Especially in middle school, kids will turn on you for whatever reason. Alyssa is clearly rich, eager to please, and wants to fit in. She’s sold one project and suddenly kids wanted her to do all their work, to benefit from her. It wasn’t real friendship - they just liked her for what she could do to them. But Alyssa is convinced that popularity - that being surrounded by people, by being liked, will protect her. She’ll fit in. She’ll have friends. That aching loneliness that has eaten her up won’t be a problem.

Except none of it is real. The real friendship was Shinae. Shinae was the one who liked her for who she is, not just what she can do for her. Shinae was the one she didn’t have to fake it for, who saw her at her worst and still tried to be her friend. It was the price she paid to protect herself, and her secret. 

But for Alyssa, who may see a part of herself as “wrong” because it won’t be accepted, who is so lonely and just wanted to be liked and to make friends, maybe she hopes that being liked will make up for that “wrongness”. Maybe, if enough people like her, it will make her feel loved in the way she wants, but won’t allow. If she thinks something is wrong with her, couldn’t the love and adoration of the masses, make her feel like it’s not true, cover it up, make it feel like it doesn’t matter? 

I think even now, in the present, it’s possible that Alyssa’s sexuality may be a thing she hasn’t reconciled with. Is she still hiding from it? Is she still fighting to be seen as “normal”? Who was she, before Yui made an idol of her, when she was friends with Nol, Dieter, and Soushi. Did she crave that faux normalcy even then? 

I’ve considered, too, that perhaps Nol provides another benefit he’s unaware of. Again, as I’ve said, we can only speculate on Alyssa’s sexuality, so it doesn’t rule out that she could also like men. But could it be that Nol provides her the protection that she needn’t deal with her sexuality? She has a boyfriend, case closed. It doesn’t matter then, who she’s interested in. It doesn’t matter, because who is going to question anything? 

(Also, tangential, but fake-dating someone who so-very-much resembles young Shinae, with that bright, radiant smile that had a way of always undoing Alyssa? Listen. You can’t tell me that’s a coincidence. Even if she’s never had feelings for Nol, I still think she was drawn to him because of how Yeonggi reminded her of Shinae, how he was like an echo of the only real friendship she’d had, and I think that was a big part of the draw. Shinae had such an impact on her that years later, she was shaken to her core by someone whose smile was just as radiant as hers.) 

I don’t think this is the last we’ve seen of Alyssa’s sexuality, either. It wouldn’t have been repeated so many episodes if not. I always thought that Alyssa’s career will fail at some point, because the whole point of her character is that she is constantly trying to chase love and affection in places she won’t find it, and her fans’ love for her is only conditional. It used to be I thought that bullying allegations would arise and that would cause her call. Claims that Alyssa was involved with a girl who got pushed out of her school window, that she turned on her. It’s so easy to take the truth and twist it up a little. Shinae saw her first bully again when she was buying comics. Who’s to say Sarah Lee won’t show up again to bring down Alyssa. As a former trainee, wouldn’t Sarah have the most jealousy towards Alyssa? But now I do worry that it could be rumors of her sexuality that could be her undoing. After all, how did the boys targeting Alyssa know what they did? Where did they glean the information they used against her? 

I know Alyssa isn’t a popular character with a lot of the choices she has made. But I do think it’s worth acknowledging how her potential sexuality ties into those choices she made, and the kind of pressure she felt to fit in, to be seen as “normal”. A lonely girl who wanted nothing more than to have lots of friends, who probably felt so empty despite her parents’ overbearing interest in her, but who also knew that there was something about her that is considered Not Right, and that it was something that could threaten the very thing she covets - being adored. Idk, I think in that context, her choices make sense. They’re still selfish, she still can’t face conflict, she still doesn’t get that being loved is not about a role but who you are. But I think if she could feel that part of her accepted, if she didn’t fear what her parents would think, if she knew she’d be supported no matter what, maybe she wouldn’t have made those choices. 

Like everyone in ILY, Alyssa has to contend with who she really is and she really wants. Now that she’s an idol, she’s come to realize that even this love is conditional. That it doesn’t fill that lonely void, that it doesn’t replace whatever it is she’s seeking - it just makes it worse. 

[wolpatinga]

[e77y]

Seriously need to make more friends or go outside more (both things are easier said than done) bc I am a little bit tired of relying on content creation for attention and connection :(

[paperhats-and-evil-schemes]

Hi Mark! I just wanted to say that I hope you're still doing okay and taking care of yourself, and I hope you know how appreciated you are! <3 You're one of (if not the top) nicest people in the fandom, you're like the only person who consistently leaves nice tags on my art haha, so I just wanted to make sure you knew your kindness doesn't go unnoticed! (I know you're probably taking a mental health break or something right now so you can delete this if you want instead of replying, of course! I just wanted to give back some positivity for my favourite positivity goblin! <3)

Don't worry hun, I didn't get any of that impression from your first ask, lmao. I was indeed taking a bit of a break, as I had been hit with one of them unpredictable waves of crippling depression for a few weeks lol, but I am feeling better now! And I do have tons of cool art I need to queue up, that's for sure, WHY DOES EVERYBODY DRAW VILLAINOUS CHARACTERS SO GOOD, TEACH ME YOUR SECRETS

[mutalune]

Hey there

I don’t know you and I understand you never asked for an Opinion or anything

But I saw your post on waking up with 0 pain

I’m a doctor, and I’ve been treating a patient for several months now

Several weeks ago was the first time in months they slept through the night without painkillers

They got like super excited but the next night was painful again

However, a couple weeks later we had a painless night again

Then again and again and you get where I’m going

It’s like in True Detective, if you ask me - the light’s winning

Again, I don’t know you, but I wanted you to hear from a random tumblr weirdo that there’s the potential for you to get better, whatever it is you’re going through

Every time you feel okay will add up to a massive number of okays and then it’ll become your norm

I can’t promise that, but it’s quite very possible

first off thank you for wanting to spread a bit of hope, I think that’s very kind of you and I appreciate it very much 💕

second off I love hearing from random tumblr weirdos (I’m just generally god awful at answering messages and miss notifications) so thank you for that as well

I’m def trying to straddle the line between “stay hopeful and have faith that things may get better, keep trying” and “things might never get better, I may need to adjust my lifestyle to support that, AND I can still live life and find joy”, because I think both can and need to be true. I’m gonna keep trying, and I’m also gonna do my best to be kind to my body for doing its best, ya know?

Sending love to you and your patient - that’s such an accomplishment to be having more okay-days after a long time of having none, and I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed that your patient continues to stack up those okay days 💕

[astrxealis]

i am Again in that mood where i rlly want to make more friends/mutuals into ffxiv but 1. don't know how + 2. it's Tough bcs (for understandable reasons) i am still a minor (17) and most players are very much older than me ............... i hope the future will be slay tho 🥺😁💖💞

[sunny-bunny-bird]

i really hope CravenWyvern is okay, wherever they are now

[stupidrant]

I salute to you and thank you for your service 🫡😔

u guys weren’t there in 2018 fighting the atreus annoying and useless allegations like i was. i was on the front lines

[bloodibambiidoll]

When You’re Gone

(Ex!Boyfriend!Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader)

Summary: You go to one of Eddie’s shows and see him for the first time since you broke up and he’s willing to do anything to win you back. WK: 5.8K

Warnings: Slight angst in the beginning, mention of heart break/break ups, Eddie was kind of dick before the break up but he’s sweet through this entire thing, pining, unprotected sex, fingering, sixty nine, just a lil bit of choking, fluff fluff fluff, lmk if I missed any! 18+MDNI!!

A/N: So I’ve been missing Eddie a lot, I’ve been thinking about writing for him again off and on but the fear that I have from being bullied in this fandom has stopped me. But I guess all it took for me to break was seeing that ASSS so, I offer you this. Idk when I’ll write ST again, maybe it’ll be consistent, maybe it won’t. I guess this is a bit of a trial run. I put my HEART into this, I really kind of poured everything I’ve been feeling the last few months into writing this so that makes me extra nervous. But I hope you guys like it, I love u🖤

You couldn’t believe you let Robin talk you into this. You hadn’t seen or talked to Eddie In months. Not since you stormed off the set of the music video he practically begged you to star in. He was being a gigantic snob the entire shoot. Telling you that “you weren’t doing it right” or “looks like we are going to have to shoot that again, can you get your head in the game, babe?” But the thing was your head was in the game and you were doing every single thing he asked exactly how he asked and yet it still wasn’t enough.

That was just the final straw. He had been acting like the sun revolved around him. Around his music. Around partying and blowing money just so he could brag about the shit he has. He started calling your friends and family back home less and less. Missing date nights. Forgetting anniversaries. He stopped telling you how beautiful you looked any chance he got and treating you like you were his everything because he had so much more than you now. Which you would never be upset about, you were and are still proud of him for every single thing he’s accomplished. But that problem was that he stopped being your Eddie almost entirely.

You hoped that it would pass, that it was just because it was all so new, the money, the fame, the adoration. But after almost two years it just continued to get worse and no matter how much you tried to bring it up to him he just reassured you time and time again that you meant everything to him. With no change. You couldn’t continue to give him everything while it felt like he virtually forgot you existed everyday. So you walked away, even though he was yelling after you, not because he wanted you to stay, but because he needed to get back on set and finish filming. You went back to your shared home, packed your things, and left.

Robin was more than happy to let you stay with her and her girlfriend while you got back on your feet. You couldn’t stay in L.A. without Eddie, he was all you had there. So you went back home to Indiana. To your friends and your family. Where you felt seen and you felt like you mattered again. But that didn’t take away the ache in your heart for him. The entire piece of you that felt like it was missing without him. Eddie had been a constant in your life since you were little.

You grew up together. You were both too stupid to get your heads out of your asses and admit how crazy you were about each other until you graduated highschool but you thought after that it would be forever. It’s always been you and him. You went through every phase, every hardship, every big life event with Eddie by your side. When him and the guys got that record deal you were more than happy to continue to stand by him through it all. But apparently he didn’t feel the same. Which felt like a stab in your chest day after day. You really did miss him so much. But you weren’t even sure if he missed you too.

Eddie was sweating fucking buckets. He hasn’t been this nervous for a show in over a year, going up in front of all those people was a walk in the park to him at this point. But knowing you were going to be here tonight changes everything. He wants it to be perfect. He’s been working on this song for you since you left, just hoping that he would have a chance to play it for you. He didn’t want you to hear it on the radio, no, he wants you to hear it directly from him. He wants to see your face after. He wants to tell you how sorry he is for losing sight of the only thing that made all of this worth it. He just wants you.

Not a day has gone by since you left that he didn’t feel empty. He couldn’t do anything without thinking of you. His favorite restaurants were your favorite restaurants. His favorite movies were your favorite movies too. Your side of the bed being empty made him feel so lonely that he started just passing out on the couch every night to avoid looking at it. He stopped going to parties. Hardly ever saw anyone unless he had to go to the studio or play a show. Tour was awful, you were by his side through their entire debut tour so doing it without you felt like doing it without one of his guitar strings, or his arm.

The fans could tell he was less engaged. His record label was on his ass and so were the guys. He just couldn’t seem to shake you. At this point none of it even feels like it matters if he can’t have you. You’re all he wants and if he has to do all of this without you, if this is what ruined the two of you, part of him doesn’t even want it. A big part. He’s thought about dropping everything and just flying home to beg at your doorstep. But each time he talked himself out of it, not even sure if you’d want to see him.

But tonight? You were going to be here at his show and this was his chance to win you back. He would give it all up for you in an instant, all you had to do was ask and he would do it, no matter what it was. So when Robin called him and asked him to set aside an extra ticket for you he felt like this was the universe giving him another shot. He just hoped you would too.

Your whole body was vibrating as you watched Eddie on stage, your heart felt like it was practically beating to the sound of his music, calling out to him. He looked good, really good, and as emotional as you are you still can’t deny the way your core throbs, and your thighs clench together at the sight of him. His hair was a perfect mess, the tattered at the knee jeans he was wearing fit him like a dream, and were reminiscent of the ones he used to wear, when he was your Eddie. Not the designer ones you’ve seen him in recently. He was wearing the battle vest you guys made in your first apartment before everything got chaotic and went to shit. With nothing under it. His tattooed chest and torso were on display and you noticed a few new additions. But your eyes nearly pop out of your head when they land on the little stick-n-poke heart with your initials in the middle that you gave him when you were 18 was touched up.

You can’t tear your eyes away from it for a good thirty seconds, just as they start to well up with tears you snap yourself out of it, looking up at his face again. This time locking eyes with him for the first time in nearly six months. Eddie’s soft chocolate eyes go wide and his fingers falter on the strings for half a second before he fucking smirks at you right as he picks up on the chorus. He keeps his eyes on you for the rest of the song, before announcing that they only had a few left.

Eddie is trying to focus on the crowd, focus on his chords, focus on anything but you, but it’s damn near impossible. His eyes just keep traveling back to you because he missed you so much, because you looked so fucking beautiful standing in the very front row under the stage lights and you were looking at him in a way that gave him hope. He made eye contact with a few fans, reached down to touch their hands, but no matter what he did he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. When it came time to announce the second to last song he felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. His eyes lingered on yours for a moment before turning to address the crowd.

“Hey guys.” Cheers erupt all around you and Eddie smiles, flipping his sweaty hair back, making you and probably every other girl in the room swoon. “Thanks for coming out tonight, you’ve been fucking awesome. This next song is… well, it’s a new song. I mean, it’s new to you guys, I’ve been working on it for a while. So there’s this girl…” His eyes lock with yours again and your heart beats somehow even faster. “She’s here tonight and I really fucked things up with her, obviously some shitty song isn’t gonna erase all of that. But I guess this is just kind of my way of trying to make up for it. Or at least starting to.”

As the band plays the opening notes of the song you immediately notice it’s a lot slower and more melodic than their usual songs. They have a few other songs like this, love songs that Eddie wrote about you, happy ones. But this is nothing like that, especially when Eddie starts to sing. He never takes his eyes off of you as the lyrics fall from his lips, lyrics about how sorry he is, how badly he fucked up, how he misses you so much he feels like his soul is missing. He pours his heart out to you as his deep voice filled with longing fills the venue.

You can’t stop the silent tears that stream down your face, unable to tear your eyes away from his for even a second. Eddie Munson, the love of your life, the beautiful boy who you got to watch turn into an even more beautiful man, is standing in front of thousands of people practically begging you for another chance. And it’s like every dream you’ve had since you left coming true. All you wanted was for him to come back to you and apologize, maybe beg a little. You might be an idiot for holding out hope that he would, but you always knew in your heart that you’d take him back if he did. It might take some time for you to fully trust him again, but if he’s willing to try so are you.

As the song comes to an end Eddie thanks everyone, making the crowd go crazy. Then he announces that the next song will be their last before looking down at you again. The flashing lights dance over the tears streaming down your cheeks but you’re smiling at him and it makes his heart soar. And when you blow him a kiss that he of course catches, putting it close to his heart like he has a million times, he feels like a dorky teenager in love with his best friend again. He watches you disappear into the crowd and his heart falls, almost forgetting that he was even on stage performing, all he could see was you. He could hardly focus through the last song, hastily thanking everyone for coming because he was absolutely terrified that you left without even giving him a chance to talk to you face to face.

You push through the sea of sweaty bodies until you get to the far end of the stage, stopping in front of the security guard, who of course recognized you and let you pass without even glancing at the bracelet on your wrist. You run over to Robin, practically knocking her over.

“Whoa! Slow down dude, are you okay? That was… a lot.” Robin grabs onto your shoulders to center you, her eyes laced with concern.

“Yeah, I’m good, I’m uh - I’m gonna go wait for Eddie in his dressing room.” You bite your lip nervously, avoiding eye contact with her, scared of her reply.

“Oh thank god! I can’t wait to tell Steve the plan worked!” Robin’s eyes go wide as her hand comes to cover her mouth. “I meaaan…”

“You know what? I’m going to bug you about this later, but right now I have to go.”

“Yesss!!! Go get your man!!!”

You snort as you turn away from her, rushing down the hall until you see the door with Eddie’s name on it. You pace the room a few times before sitting down on the black leather couch, bouncing your leg so hard it makes the legs shake. The air feels especially humid as your nerves course through your body, the material of the couch sticking to your bare thighs with each bounce of your knee. You can’t stop messing with your hair, adjusting your top, fiddling your fingers. It’s probably only been ten minutes but it feels like it’s been an eternity when the door finally pushes open.

“Princess” Eddie stands in the doorway, looking stunned. His eyes are wide, and filled with adoration as his large ringed hand comes to rest against his chest. “Hi.”

“Hi Eddie.” You smile at him softly as you let out an almost dreamy sigh. “I liked your song.”

“Yeah?” He takes a few steps forward until there’s only a few feet between you. “I missed you. I’m so sorry, I was such a fucking idiot. I can’t believe I let you walk away.”

His eyes are sad as he casts them down, looking at his fingers as he fiddles with his rings. A classic tell tale sign that Eddie was nervous.

“And I totally get it if you don’t want anything to do with me still, I fucked up. Bad.”

“Eddie…” you sigh, standing up to close the remaining distance between you. You grab onto his hands, stopping his movements as you look up into his eyes. “Look at me.”

When he looks you in the eyes again his own are brimmed with tears, and his lip is quivering. And even though you’re still upset with him, all you want to do is comfort him. It was like second nature to you.

“I love you.” You say it so plainly, so matter of fact that it makes the tears flow down his cheeks, a heavy sob escape his chest. You grab onto his cheeks, pulling his forehead down to rest against yours. “I love you Eddie.”

“I love you. I love you so much. I miss you everyday. None of this is worth it without you. Everything feels so dull. Everything I do reminds me of you.” His hands come to rest over top of yours as his tears continue to flow, tears of your own now streaming down your face. “Please just give me a chance to make it up to you, sweetheart. I’ll do anything. I’ll leave it all behind. Never touch my guitar again. Cut off my arm. Anything.”

“Well, you don’t have to go doing all of that…” you chuckle, tilting your chin so you can connect his lips with your own. You pour everything into that kiss, your love for him, your hurt, your anger, your longing. And he does the same. Kissing you like he would die if he didn’t. You only pull away when you absolutely need to take a breath of air. Foreheads still connected as you pant against each other's lips, just inches apart.

“God I missed your lips, princess.” Eddie runs his hands down your face, cupping your jaw. “Missed every part of you.”

“I missed you too Eddie, god.” You kiss him again, this time running your tongue across his plush bottom lip. He immediately grants you access, intertwining your tongues with a groan. Your fingers come up to lace through his curls, and tug causing him to moan into your mouth. His hands travel down your body, resting on your hips, his thumbs just grazing that bit of skin between your top and your skirt. You push yourself further against him, moaning when his hands move to grab your ass.

“Baby, wait, don’t you think we should talk more?” He pulls away breathlessly tilting his head back so he can look at you.

“Later. We can talk later.” You take a few steps back, stumbling a little on your heeled boots as the backs of your knees hit the couch, you plop down, pulling Eddie down with you. He puts his hands on the back of the cushions on either side of your head so he can lean down over you, his face inches from yours, his hair almost acting like a curtain around you, shielding you from the outside world. “Kiss me again, please.”

“You don’t gotta beg, princess, I told you I’d do anything, didn’t I?” He smirks at you as kisses you again, slipping his tongue into your mouth. You moan as your fingers desperately grasp onto the sides of his vest, pulling him closer.

“Touch me, Eddie.” You whimper, leaning back to look up at him through your lashes, your lips are kiss swollen and your lipstick is all but nothing at this point.

“Baby, are you sure you don’t want to talk before we-“

“Eddie, I appreciate your chivalry, I really do. But you said anything, right? I want, need, to feel your fingers again, please.” And how could he resist you, when you’re looking at him like that? And your skirt is pushed so far up your legs he can see your little lace panties, his favorite pair, if he isn’t mistaken. He would literally lick the bottom of your boots if you asked him to.

“I told you that you don’t have to beg, doll, I’m the one that should be begging for the privilege of being able to touch you.” He smirks, planting a sloppy kiss on your lips before kissing down your jaw, to your throat, leaving little nips along the way. “Missed this body so much.”

One of his hands grabs onto the top of your thigh, his thumb running over your slit through the thin lace of your panties pulling a soft moan from your lips.

“Missed this pussy so much.” He grazes over your clit before applying light pressure, rubbing circles on it with the pad of his thumb. “You’re so wet for me already, your body missed me too, huh sweetheart?”

“Yes, missed you so much, baby.” You pull him down further so that his free hand is resting on the cushion next to you and his neck and jaw were close enough to kiss and suck bruises into. “Mine, mine, mine.”

“All yours.” He chuckles as pushes your panties to the side, circling two fingers around your entrance and curling them upwards, stroking them against your sweet spot immediately. “Oh, you’re so fucking tight, practically sucking me in.”

“My fingers were never be as good as yours - ohmyfuckinggod.” A loud moan rips through you and your head falls back against the couch as he starts to thrust his fingers quickly in and out of your dripping hole. His thumb finds your clit, circling it in time with his fingers as his lips attach to your neck, giving you a mark of his own.

“Never have to live without them again if you don’t want to, I’ll worship this pussy everyday until I die if you’ll let me.��� Eddie kisses down your chest, using his free hand to push your little tank top and bra down, freeing your tits. He kisses across the tops of them, leaving gentle open mouth kisses on both your peaked nipples before licking between the valley of them. He slides his tongue over so he can latch onto one of your nipples and it sends you over the edge.

“Ohhh fuck! Eddie! I’m cumming, I’m fucking cumming.” Your pussy clenches around his fingers as he continues to thrust them deep and fast into you.

“Yeah, that’s it, baby girl, cum for me. You look so fucking beautiful.” He kisses your cheek before leaning up and pulling his fingers from you. He holds eye contact with you as he sucks them into his mouth with a groan. “Just as sweet as I remember.”

“Eddie, please fuck me, I need you.” Your legs are still spread, your glistening pussy practically calling his name, framed perfectly by those little panties that he loves so much like a work of fucking art. The way your shirt and bra are pushed down under your tits is making them look irresistible. He leans down, resting both of his hands on your knees, and smiles at you in a way that makes your stomach flip.

“You have no idea how fucking badly I want you right now, but can I take you back to my hotel? I wanna take my take with you.” He nuzzles his nose against yours before sliding it along your cheek, placing a soft kiss there.

“Okay, yeah, that sounds good.” You’re breathless and so fucking horny but the idea of getting to fuck Eddie in a bed, where you would be totally alone, sounded a lot more appealing than fucking him in a dressing room where anyone could walk in.

You grab onto Eddie’s vest and push it off his body the minute the door to his hotel room is shut behind you. You take his face in your hands, your eyes shining as you look up at him while you rub your thumbs across his temples.

“You’re so beautiful Eddie.” You coo at him, running your hands down his chest.

“I like your new tattoos… and this.” You run your pointer finger across the band of his pants before tracing the little heart on his hip. “When did you do this?”

“Uh - A few weeks ago.” He grabs the hand tracing along his hip and takes it in his own, bringing it up to his lips so he can place a gentle kiss on the back of it. “I was getting this other tattoo and my artist asked if I wanted to cover it up. I laughed at him and told him to touch it up instead.”

“Eddie… you feel heat rise in your cheeks as butterflies erupt in your stomach. “I want you so bad.”

“Yeah, pretty girl? I told you I’m all yours.” He grabs onto your hips, pulling you back toward the bed so he can sit on the edge of it with you between his spread legs. “Gonna worship this body, show you how much I missed you.”

He grips onto your shoulders rubbing them gently for a moment before hooking his fingers in the straps of your bra and tank top, pulling them down your shoulders. He leans forward, kissing along your bare collar bone as one of his hands snakes around under your skirt to grab a hand full of your ass.

“Missed these perfect tits.” He takes them in his hands, squeezing them, before he grabs onto the hem of your shirt and pulls it over your head. He reaches behind you to undo your bra, his fingertips gently gliding over your skin with each touch. He took his time taking your skirt off, kissing every inch of exposed skin he could until you were completely bare before him. “So fucking perfect, baby doll.” He grips onto your ass looking up at you with his bottom lip between his teeth. “Need to taste that sweet pussy.”

“Take your pants off first.” You reach forward and undo his belt before working on his button and zipper, popping them open to reveal his thick cock covered by the material of his boxers. He lifts his hips so you can pull them down to his ankles and you bend down to unlace his boots.

“Fuck, you look so sexy, makes me think about that time I made you hump my boot…” Eddie smirks down at you as he takes your face in his palm and runs his thumb along your bottom lip. It makes your pussy flutter around nothing.

“Yeah, that was one of the hottest things you’ve ever done, if I’m being honest.” You giggle before flicking your tongue out to run it along the pad of his digit.

“Jesus Christ, get up here before I bust from just looking at you.” Eddie grabs your hand, pulling you back up to your feet before kicking his pants off the rest of the way. He lays back on the bed, patting his chest. “Sit on my face, princess. Your throne missed you.”

You stand there for a moment, just looking at him. He keeps telling you how perfect you are but he doesn’t even realize how truly perfect he is. The way he was smiling at you like you hung the stars, his ink covered arms that are more toned now than when you were younger, along with his more broad chest that’s now nearly covered in tattoos. Your eyes travel down his torso to his happy trail, the v lines on his hips, and settle on the way that his cock is straining in his boxers. He was lying there, so perfect, calling his face your throne, and he is just so your Eddie.

“You good, sweetheart? Or are you hypnotized by my otherworldly handsomeness?” Eddie wiggles his eyebrows at you, leaning back on his elbows. You know he’s trying to be goofy but it only makes you even more desperate for him. You climb onto the bed to straddle him, your bare pussy resting on top of his cock, only separated by the thin material of his boxers.

“Yeah, I just really fucking need you.” You grind down on him, pulling a groan from him as you lean down to lick across his lips, sucking on the bottom one before pulling away with a pop.

“Fuck, get up here, now.”

He pats his chest and his tone has you clenching around nothing. He grips onto your ass, jiggling it in his hands before landing a smack on one of your cheeks. You moan as you scoot up so that your thighs are resting on either side of his head with your pussy hovering just over his mouth. Eddie wraps his arms around your legs, pulling you down so he can bury his face in between your legs. He licks a long stripe along your wet slit before circling your clit with his tongue.

“Oh - fuckingshit - feels so good.” You moan as he shoves his tongue as deep as he can inside you, flicking it against your inner walls.

“Yeah, that’s my good girl, missed this sweet fucking pussy so much.” He swirls his tongue inside you before he brings it up to your clit again, licking it with the flat of his tongue. He sucks your clit and your pussy lips into his mouth, causing your eyes to roll back.

“That’s so fucking good, yeah, eat my fucking pussy.” You lean back resting your hands on his thighs as you start to grind down on his face. You bring one of your hands to his cock, stroking him through his boxers, chasing him to moan even louder into your pussy. “Fuck, Eddie, I wanna taste you.”

You push yourself up off of his face and he looks up at you with a pout but before he can even protest you’re throwing one of your legs over his head so you can flip around and straddle his face reverse cowgirl.

“Oh jesusfuckingchrist, baby.” Eddie groans, grabbing onto both of your ass cheeks and jiggling the meat of them in his hands. You hook your fingers in the band of his boxers so you can pull his cock free, spitting on your palm and taking it in your hand. “Fuck.”

“Need to taste you too, baby.” You lean down, flicking your tongue out to leave little kitten licks on his tip before sucking it between your lips.

“God damn, princess, fucking missed your mouth so much.” Eddie moans as he uses his grip on your ass to pull your pussy down on his face again, burying his tongue deep inside.

You take him further down your throat, swirling your tongue around his shaft and using your hand to stroke what isn’t in your mouth. Eddie eats your pussy like a man starved, bringing his lips to your clit as he inserts two of his thick fingers inside you.

“Yes, yes, that’s so good, you’re gonna make me cum.” You pull off of him continuing to use your hand to stroke his spit soaked cock. He picks up the speed of his fingers as he sucks on your clit even harder. “Oh god - I’m - I’m fucking cumming!”

Your walls clench around his fingers and your thighs squeeze around his head as your high washes over you, loud moans and the sound of your wet pussy filling the room. Eddie doesn’t stop until you’re pulling off of him because it becomes too much. He grips onto your hips, flipping you over into your back before covering your body with his own. He connects your lips in a heated kiss, his lips and chin still slick with your wetness as you taste yourself in his tongue.

“Need to be inside of you, fuck.”

“Yes, please please fuck me, I need to feel you.” Eddie uses one hand to grip onto the base of his cock, running the tip through your folds before pushing it inside you. “Oh, god.”

“Shit baby, you’re so fucking tight, so fucking wet.” Eddie grunts as he bottoms out inside of you, pushing his hips flush against yours before pulling almost all the way out and slamming into you even harder. He starts to fuck you hard and fast, one of his hands on your hip while the other wraps around your neck just tightly enough.

“Yeah, fucking choke me, missed your hands around my throat, missed you, fuck.” Eddie picks up the pace, his hips smack loudly against yours as the hand on your hips moves down so he can rub circles in your clit.

“Fuck, baby girl, missed you too, missed this fucking pussy. Gonna fill you up, need you to cum for me.” The hand around your throat squeezes just a little tighter as his lips crash against yours. Your hands are gripping onto his shoulders so tight you wouldn’t be surprised if your nails break the skin. His circles on your clit never let up as he tilts his hips so he’s hitting your sweet spot just right.

“Oh - my fucking - fuck, I’m cumming I’m fucking cumming.” Your pussy squeezes him like a vise grip as you run your nails down his back.

“Gonna cum too, baby, gonna fill this pussy up so good. Never quitting you. Gonna marry you someday.” Eddie’s thrusts grow sloppy until he’s pushing his hips flush against yours and emptying inside of you. He buries his face in your neck, rocking his hips slowly as he rides out his high. He lets his body rest on top of yours, placing gentle kisses on your neck. You bring your hands to his head and lace your fingers through his hair so you can lightly scratch his scalp.

“I love you, Eddie.” You sigh, dreamily. “I know we have some stuff to work through, and talk about, but I’d really like to make it work. You really wanna marry me someday?”

“What!” Eddie pushes up on his hands, so he can look at you, a big goofy smile on his face. “Of course I wanna fucking marry you! It’s only been the plan since we were 8 and I gave you that ring I won with arcade tickets.”

“I just… I don’t know, I thought maybe you got sick of me and that’s why…”

“Baby…” Eddie’s voice suddenly sounds a little sad, maybe guilty. “That was never… I would never, fuck. Hold on.”

He gets up off the bed so he can find his vest, he picks it up off the ground and pulls something from the pocket before coming back to sit next to you on the bed.

“Can you sit up for me?” You sit up in front of him, looking at him with a raised eyebrow and a pout on your lips. “I got this… well, I got this a few months before you left and I was just waiting for the right time, ya know? And honestly it never came because I had my head so up my own ass that I wasn’t making the time. But uh - I want you to have it. Even if you don’t say yes, I got it for you, so it’s yours…”

He opens his hand to reveal a little black square box and when he opens it, sitting inside is the most beautiful ring you’ve ever seen. Set in the middle is a big shiny ruby, bracketed by two little bat wings on each side that lead into the band. It was perfect, you’ve been telling him practically your whole lives that if someone proposed to you with a boring ass dimond you would say no, no matter how big it was.

“Eddie…” Your eyes well up with tears as your bottom lip quivers. “Is that really for me?”

“Princess.” He chuckles, reaching a hand out to wipe away a stray tear that escaped. “Of course it’s for you. It’s always been you. And it always will be. Even if you don’t want me back.”

“Eddie, I - yes.” You smile widely at him, wrapping your hand around his wrist so you can turn your head to place a kiss there. “It’s always you, you’re the only one for me. You have a lot of making up to do… and it might take me some time to get fully over all of this but… I still wanna marry you. It’s you and me, till the day we die, stab a goblin in the eye.”

“Yeah baby.” He chuckles, a few tears of his own streaming down his face. You still wanted him. You were going to take his ring. You were sitting here in front of him more beautiful and grown than ever, repeating the words that you had said to each other as kids more times than he could count. “Till the day we die.”

He pulls the ring from the box and you offer him your left hand so he can slide it on your finger. You both smile widely and teary eyed at each other as he pulls you into a kiss. This one is different, this one is full of promise and hope and it’s like coming home. He rests his forehead against yours as he rubs the apples of your cheeks with his thumbs.

“Stab a goblin in the eye.” He chuckles, smiling widely as he places another gentle kiss on your lips.

Taglist: @littlexdeaths @babygorewhore @eddiesxangel @voyeurmunson @rowanswriting @hippiegoth97 @jenniquinn @take-everything-you-can

[causticsunshine]

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[boltonbritreads]

🗣️Eddie Munson Fic Recs

This is gonna have a sappy start before I get into the fic rec portion: but I just wanted to say that at the end of May 2022, I was finishing up my first year of law school. It was rough, challenging, lonely, and basically everything you’d expect and I was in a bad place and the fandom I’d been in was slowing down just naturally. I truly wish I could remember how I even became aware of Eddie Munson because stranger things wasn’t really on my radar anymore and whoever I followed at the time that started to veer off into Eddie-mania, thank you. In the two years since then, I’ve graduated and become the worlds babiest lawyer and I genuinely owe a lot to this fandom and community on here for giving me a fun, usually safe, creative place to escape to when it got rough.

I’m just hoping to maybe remind people that there are already an incredible, incredible amount of existing stories to read and talk about that deserve your attention and love if you’re looking to read some Eddie stories. Some of these will be fics I’ve recommended before but I’m going to try my best to pull together writers and fics that I love and think everyone should read in the hopes that someone like me who still scrolls through eddie tags looking for my nightly bedtime story can find something new to them to read! ✨

Previous Fic Rec list here!! some overlap but there’s no such thing as too much hype for these writers

@munson-blurbs I hope it’s ok but I’m linking Bug’s full masterlist here because I have genuinely loved everything she has written. There are blurbs, series, and special events which are all incredible and worth a read! Bug is currently still writing the “Living after Midnight” series which is my current obsession and features rockstar!eddie x motelheiress!reader and it’s angst and lust galore

@corroded-hellfire also sharing the Eddie Masterlist here because there’s so many fics to read!! As You Wish, Big Brown Eyes, Where the Heart Is are all incredible but truly there’s so much here to enjoy

@upsidedownwithsteve SIMMER!! jk I’m actually linking the Eddie Masterlist here too because I love them all but “I Want You To Want Me” and “Simmer” are out of this world

@pinkrelish The Yes Policy I love it, you love it, we all love it and if you haven’t caught up yet oh my god I wish I was you and could read these chapters for the first time again

@ghost-proofbaby I’ve previously told people to go read 24 Hours, and you should, that’s an order; but Maroon is ongoing! and it’s actually infiltrating my every thought so go on over and get caught up bc I think it’s safe to say things are getting amped up

@trashmouth-richie I have also previously recommended Honey, I’m Home because it’s a work of art but Ziggy has a new mini series “Crash + Fall” that I’m completely obsessed with the concept for and I’ve loved every piece so far!

@tiannasfanfic I just reblogged Conviction again but I genuinely am not exaggerating when I say I think about this story and these two monthly and try and find this story all the time to re-read it endlessly. It’s a really lovely story of unplanned pregnancy and two characters not realizing they’ve been smitten for each other the whole time and I love it

@carolmunson I’m sharing another Eddie Masterlist here because I’d be making this post far too long but Carol’s stories are all incredible, complex, and honest. “Let’s go, don’t wait” just got updated and I had to read it like 3 times last night because it was too good to just read one and done

@rebelfell I just discovered Sarah’s blog after reading the most recent “Frenemy” fic and idk what I was doing wrong to not already follow her and not have already read her whole Masterlist but I’m linking the whole thing bc she’s so good!!

@the-au-thor I also only just discovered Elle’s blog and that’s criminal but thank god I found Babysitting Mun because I am a sucker for rockstar!eddie and this series has me on the edge of my seat rn

@storiesbyrhi I’m sharing the Masterlist folks because I have genuinely loved every single story and series and I have read them all now (some several times). So many of Rhi’s stories have a wonderful warm witchy vibe that I crave and I’ve read Siouxsie and the Soulmates, The Cabin in the Woods, Our Patron Saint of the Arts, Vintage Reeboks, and Burning Yarrow (insert screaming fan gif) multiple times now

@heart-eyed-love this fic is the epitome of a soft, cozy, domestic night with Eddie and if you need a hug read this 🥹

@eddieandbird I JUST got caught up on Eddie/Tour Manager series and I’m fully obsessed and desperate to know how they’re gonna navigate this - for folks new to the story, Eddie and his tour manager accidentally drunkenly get married- what could go wrong??

@eiightysixbaby the scream I scrumped when I finished reading Princess Leia, and Other Wishes - look bffs to lovers is already my absolute weakness on this earth but then you had to make it witty and funny and FLUFFY I just can do nothing but re-read and pine

@superblysubpar I’m still obsessed with this addition to The Boy is Mine writing challenge and oh god it’s so good 😩

…and while we’re talking about it - here’s the entire The Boy is Mine masterlist with an INSANE amount of incredible stories to read

@the-unforgivenn !!! tumblr hates me and deleted this bullet (so if you already saw this post, no you didn’t) but And I Need You to Know is a proper novel! I can’t imagine how much time, love, effort, planning, and work went into creating this insane and absolutely incredible world but everyone needs to read this!! and then follow up with She’s So Cold bc I love it and I am so reader

~~ this is not the end nor an exhaustive list! I just wanted to put something out there now that I plan to build on because I know I’m always scrolling and searching for new things to read or old things to revisit ♥️ ~~

[buckys-wintersoldier]

Already mine | Bucky Barnes

Pairing -> BestFriend!Bucky Barnes x BestFriend!Female!Reader

Summary -> Bucky and you are fake dating for a mission, when the two of you are out for dinner you tell him about your planned date with someone. But Bucky isn’t really happy about it and makes sure to show you that you’re already his.

Warnings -> (E) Minors DNI, 18+, smut, slight chocking, kinda public fingering (not really), fingering (fem!receiving), oral (fem!receiving), unprotected p in v, multiple orgasm, squirting, breeding kink, jealous/possessive Bucky, bit of miscommunication

Wordcount -> 3.4K

Request -> I am absolutely foaming at the mouth as i think about this request i'm just ASHWUWHEU. okay, i'm sorry. hello! i wanted to order (👀) something from your smut menu which would be !!! fake dating (i gobble this up every time), jealous!bucky (when he's POSSESSIVEEE like yes please), and breeding kink (don't look at me like that...) idk if you allow additional details, but maybe some miscommunication/misunderstanding? god, i love that little pain before the delicious fluff & smut. 🥹 but you don't have to add that bit if it's not allowed! back to freaking out JDAJJDWJIDWKDO omg if you do write this, i will forever be thankful JDIANDKWMFKFKKEFKKR THANK YOU!

A/N -> Thank you so much for the request. I tried to include everything, I added a few things and I hope you like it. My askbox is open so feel free to send and ask, as well as that feel free to send a request for the Bucky Barnes Smut Menu.

Prompt -> Fandom-Free Bingo | B4 | Multiple Orgasm | @fandom-free-bingo

Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Smut Menu | Fandom-Free Bingo | Bucky Barnes Masterlist | Part two

You’re standing in front of your mirror; your red dress fits perfectly around your body, and you only need to fix your hair before you’re ready for your date with Bucky, or at least your fake date with him. The two of you are on a mission right now, dating each other, so no one will know that you're Avengers.

You hear the bathroom door opening and a gasp leaving Bucky's lips. With his eyes on you, he admires your back before his eyes move to look through the mirror. You smile softly when you see his blue eyes looking up and down, trying to see every inch of your body.

“You look beautiful, doll,” he tells you, and the feeling in your stomach, the one you have just with Bucky, grows.

You’re best friends, but something between the two of you changed. There are feelings for each other you have never felt for someone before. And now that you’re going on a date with him, even if it’s just a fake date, it feels like he really asked you out.

“Thank you, you too,” you mumble with a slight blush on your cheeks.

He walks a step closer and leans his shoulder against the wall. His hands running through his hair, the shirt, and his pants look like they were made for him.

“Can we?” he asks, smirking when you try to get your hair under control.

You nod while you turn around and fix your hair, walking a few steps closer to Bucky. His eyes are still on you, focused on every move you’re making. Bucky's nose is slightly scrunched while he smirks at you.

His hands are immediately around your waist when he is able to reach you, bringing your body closer to his. Bucky leans forward until he reaches your ear.

“When this would be a real date and not only for that mission, I would immediately help you to take off your clothes,” he mumbles into your ear, and you shiver slightly, pressing your thighs together to stop the arousal dripping down your legs.

Bucky chuckles softly, noticing your action, but he doesn’t say anything. He moves a few inches away from you and looks your body up and down before he holds his hand out so you can place yours in his.

“Ready?” he asks — Bucky, the 40’s gentleman in front of you — and you can’t stop but smile softly.

You place your hand in his, and then he walks through the room with you. His fingers are holding your hand tightly, but it is still soft in his hand. He smiles when he moves a strand of his hair behind his hair, then he opens the door and lets you walk through it before he follows you.

That’s something you love about Bucky. You've never met someone with that kind of charm and kindness before. He treats women like a gentleman, buying them flowers and asking them out to go to the cinema, and he takes care that his girl has everything she needs. You know those things because you have seen him with some women before — the way he smiled when he was buying flowers and presenting them to you, or when he asked for advice for date ideas in this century. You smiled and told him a few ideas, but inside your chest was a heavy feeling when you saw him with the other women, touching her and smiling at her in a way you would love him to look at you.

Bucky's hand is still holding yours when you walk through the corridor. You feel that tingling feeling in your stomach, and when you look at him, you need to concentrate so you won’t stare at him for the rest of the evening.

His jaw is relaxed, but his jawline is still visible. Bucky's blue eyes focused on the people around him, but his lips formed into a cute smile. You could look at him the whole time, but he caught you. He turns his head around and narrows his eyebrows.

“Do I distract you from the mission?” he asks, chuckling.

“No, it’s just- I wanted to make sure you’re focused,” you tell him.

“You checked that for five minutes already.”

His words make you blush, and you feel so embarrassed, but his beauty is just too much for you to look away from. The brown-haired man laughs before he walks through the door into the restaurant of the hotel.

You really looked at him for that long? You walked down the stairs, through two floors, and you weren't able to get your eyes off him? You definitely need to stop acting like that when you’re near him; otherwise, your mission won’t work the way Tony wants it.

He leads you to a table; it’s quiet there, and you enjoy the moment where it’s just the two of you. But when you see the people you’re looking for, you sigh softly. With a nod, you show Bucky you see them, and he turns his head softly.

They don’t look like criminals, but you read their files, and they are definitely criminals. They supported Hydra and still do, which is why you’re following them, and now it’s on you and Bucky to get to know where their hidden base is.

You listen a while to them before you look at Bucky with a serious gaze. When he feels you looking at him, he looks up from his plate, showing you he listens to you.

“Buck, you know we- we are best friends, right?”

He nods, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. His hand clenches softly around the fork, slightly sweating what you would like to tell him.

“And this whole dating thing is. Yeah, it’s really cool, but-“ you interrupt yourself. With a deep breath, you look down at your plate before looking back into Bucky's eyes, glistening with curiosity. “It’s just- as you said, 'when this wouldn’t be fake dating’ I don’t think we should. Bucky I love you, but I am dating someone else; he asked me out for dinner tomorrow,” you mumble, not really knowing why you tell him about it.

“Oke,” he says with a cold voice.

“Don’t be mad, please.”

“I’m not.”

You raise your eyebrow, knowing that he is mad at you. But there is no reason for him to be mad, right? The two of you are best friends, and he probably doesn't like you in the same way you do. But you can’t risk your friendship, so you just try to date the other guy; he is nice and handsome, and you can learn to love him, can’t you?

Bucky mumbles something to himself before he almost breaks the plate with the fork, smashing it down on it. His hand into a fist, and you can already see his knuckles turning white, his jaw clenching while his eyes are focused on you.

“Buck?” you ask softly, his eyes turning dark, but he is still quiet. “Could you try and not destroy the plate?”

He chuckles darkly, smashing the fork on the plate once more and breaking it. He smiles when he sees the damage in front of him and the sauce slowly flowing over the table.

You sigh softly, reaching for his hand to place yours around his. Bucky stands up, pulling his hand away, before he walks around the table and places his hand around your throat. With a firm grip, he pulls you up from the chair, making you look slightly up into his eyes. Bucky is towering over you, his tongue slipping over his lips.

“You can’t fuck someone else,” he tells you. His voice is deep, and it causes a shiver along your spine.

“What? Why can’t I? I’m an adult, and I can do whatever I want,” you say, not as confident as always, but you try your best to sound confident.

He laughs darkly and roughly. Bucky’s grip around your throat tightens, and he pulls you even closer. With his firm chest pressing against your front, you feel his muscular body through the fabric of your clothes.

“You’re mine,” he whispers, and he lets go of you.

Bucky turns around and walks out of the restaurant. Your jaw drops open slightly, and you look while he makes his way until he reaches the door and pushes it open. You need a moment to realize his words when you sit down to calm yourself down. You feel the eyes of all the other people around you.

Your cheeks heat up, and you want to run out of the room too, but your legs feel so shaky that you can’t do a step without holding yourself up at something. You put some money on the table and get up again, holding yourself to the chairs and slowly following your best friend.

When you finally walk out of the restaurant, you see Bucky leaning against the wall. His eyes are dark, and he looks at you with a cold expression.

He walks a step closer, towering over you. With a fast movement, his hand is around your throat once more, and he pushes you against the wall. It’s a loose grip but strong enough to hold you where he wants you.

“You’re mine, and I will fill you with my babies so everyone sees you’re mine,” he tells you with a slight smile on his lips.

You whimper; your hands are around his arm, but just to ground yourself.

��Bucky-“

“I smell you; I can fucking smell you. I see the way you look at me, the way you press your thighs together,” he says, chuckling darkly.

“It’s not,” you interrupt yourself. “I have a date tomorrow.”

The laugh that leaves his lips lets you shiver; goosebumps are all over your body, and you can’t stop the arousal growing between your folds. But if he is your best friend and you work together, you can’t be together, can you?

“Yeah?” he asks, and you nod.

Bucky lets go of you and walks a step away from you. He nods his head in the direction of your shared bedroom.

“Tell me you don’t want me, or I will carry you into our room and make sure who you belong to,” he tells you, his blue eyes looking almost into your soul, and you need a moment to handle his words and the way he looks at you.

“Bucky, I have a date.”

“Tell me you don’t want me.”

“I-“ you look down, playing with your hands in front of you.

Bucky laughs and steps closer again; his fingers find their way under your chin and make you look up at him. His eyes glistening with lust, his tongue slipping over his lips, before he leans closer until there are only a few more inches between the two of you.

“Tell me you don’t want me to fuck you and make you pregnant with my babies, doll,” he mumbles.

You feel his breathing on your lips. Before you can answer, you wrap your arms automatically around his neck and press him closer to you. Your lips meet his for a sweet but passionate kiss.

Bucky's hand finds its way down your body until he reaches between your legs and pushes your dress higher to slide his fingers over the fabric of your panties.

You moan when you feel the cold of the metal through your panties. His fingers draw small circles on your clit, making you throw your head back. Bucky uses the moment to attack your neck with kisses, and he bites softly into the sensitive skin.

“Bucky, please,” you whimper, pushing your hips against his hand.

“Let’s go to our room; don’t want others to hear what’s only meant to be for me,” he tells you, and you blush slightly.

Bucky takes his hand away from your folds and wraps his arms around your waist, lifting you up. Your legs are around his waist when he walks with you along the floor to the bedroom the two of you share right now. The mission is completely forgotten. It’s just the two of you — you and Bucky.

It doesn’t take long for your super soldier to carry you into the room and lock the door before he places you on the bed. He stands in front of you, his eyes roaming over your body.

“Strip,” he demands.

“Do it by yourself, old man." you laugh, but the way he looks at you lets you be quiet immediately.

“I can do it, but I don’t think I can hold back then.”

You swallow hard, your eyes focused on him, and the way he takes a step forward and closer to you lets you shiver once more. His aura, his eyes, he makes you go crazy, so you do what he tells you.

“Could you- Can you open the zipper, please?” you ask, and Bucky nods, stepping closer.

His firm chest is almost pressed against your face when he reaches his hands over your shoulders and opens your dress. Bucky lets his hands slide down over your shoulders, holding the fabric in his hand and exposing your shoulders.

Then he takes a step back. You nod as a thank you, standing up and letting the fabric slide down.

“You're pretty, and all mine,” he tells you, reaching out his hands to touch your waist.

Bucky pulls you closer, his hand sliding up your back. He opens your bra and throws it away. Bucky's metal hand captures one of your breasts. You moan softly when his cold hand meets your warm flesh.

He leads you back to the bed until you sit there once again. Bucky gets on his knees in front of you, and you smile mischievously.

“Don’t smile like that; you make me jealous and want me to share what’s mine. I will give you all my cum, and you will beg for more,” he groans, pushing you down so you lay on your back.

Your best friend lowers his head and kisses your pussy through the fabric of your panties. Your hands find their way, and you grip his hair to ground yourself. He uses his hand to push your parties to the side, licking through your folds before he groans.

“You taste better than I thought,” he mumbles, pushing his tongue against your entrance.

“Bucky, more- please,” you moan, arching your back.

He chuckles but does what you want and pushes his tongue inside of you. His metal fingers joining his tongue, he moves one of the fingers inside of you, curling it. With your walls clenching around him, you moan loudly and throw your head back.

Bucky pushes another of his fingers inside of you, pushing them until he reaches his knuckles, and then he pulls them out of you again. After a few more thrusts, he finds your sweet spot, pressing his fingers against it. Your wet and warm walls clench around him, making it almost impossible for him to move his fingers.

“I’m so close. Bucky, please,” you beg, but he stops his movements and removes his fingers.

He sits up and looks at his fingers; they are glistening with your slick, and you blush when he pushes them into his mouth to suck them clean. Bucky groans and takes his clothes off as well.

First his shirt, then he stands up to open his belt and pushes his pants down. You look at him, following his movements with your eyes. You gasp when you see the bulge of his growing dick in his boxers.

“Like what you see, doll?” he asks, and you nod, looking into his face and discovering his body before you stare at his member again.

Bucky pushes the fabric down. His dick springs free, the tip already leaking with pre-cum, and he wraps one of his hands around his member, stroking himself a few times while his eyes are on you.

“Don’t know how often I have imagined that already,” he groans.

You sit up and move yourself further onto the bed. Your legs are spread, and Bucky joins you in bed. He sits between your legs, his dick still sliding through his hand. Bucky slides his tip through your wet folds, groaning when he feels the warmth and wetness. Then he lines himself up with your entrance.

You wrap your hands around his neck and pull him closer, pressing your lips on his and biting his lip softly while he pushes inside of you. Bucky pushes himself further into you, slowly, so he won’t hurt you. He is focused on your expression, making sure to stop when he could hurt you.

“Move, please,” you say and throw your head back when he suddenly pushes the rest of his dick inside of you.

Bucky is balls deep inside of you. He groans softly when you clench around him. Your hands are still wrapped around his neck while he thrusts his hips, moving his dick between your tight walls.

He hits your sweet spot with every movement, making you clench around him more. You moan whenever he thrusts inside of you. The pleasure in your body feels overwhelming, but you love it.

“He could fuck you like that,” Bucky says, kissing your forehead and thrusting inside of you harder. “And he can't love you the way I do. I will fuck you so full with my cum that, doll,” he adds and groans.

“Bucky faster.”

Your best friend chuckles and does what you want. He moves faster and harder inside of you. You can feel the veins on his cock, his dick hitting every right spot inside of you.

His hand finds its way to your clit playing with it while he thrusts in a steady rhythm inside of you. The way you clench around him and your moans get louder, he knows you will cum with a few more thrusts.

“Come for me; scream my name while you cum all over my dick. And I will give you all of my cum; fill you so much; after that, you’re pregnant with my babies,” he mumbles into your ear.

The moment he tells you, you feel the pleasure in your stomach grow until you squirt all over Bucky. The orgasm and the pleasure in your body are better than you ever felt before, and you say his name over and over again while he fucks you through your orgasm.

You’re already overstimulated, but Bucky still thrusts his hips further against yours. You’re a morning mess, your hands tugging on his hair. And you feel the next orgasm building when he still rubs circles on your clit.

“Oh fuck, will give you all of my cum; don’t think this little pussy can take it all,” he groans.

With a few more movements, he cums inside of you and pulls you over the edge with him. Bucky lets his head fall down on your shoulder. His breath is heavy like yours, and he slowly calms down. You slide your fingers through his hair while his dick is still inside of you, and you feel his cum inside of you — cum painting your walls.

“Now you’re mine, and only mine,” Bucky tells you, biting into your neck. “And you will carry my babies, won’t you?”

“I will,” you say, and chuckle when he lifts himself up and kisses your lips.

“My doll, my wonderful, precious doll.”

Bucky slowly pulls out of you, his eyes focused on the spot where your body was connected and where his cum is dripping out of you now. Then he looks up at you again and smiles.

“I love you; I don’t want to be just your best friend. I want to be yours; I want you to be mine,” he confesses, leaning over you again.

“I love you too, and I want nothing more than to be yours. I wanted to date the guy because I wasn’t able to tell you what I felt. I was scared you didn’t feel the same, but you do. And I’m yours, all yours, Buck,” you say, and he nods, kissing you passionately.

“Let’s clean ourselves, and then we should look to see if our people are still eating or if we cuddle after taking a warm bubble bath." Bucky laughs, and you chuckle, and he lifts you up to go to the bathroom and take a bath together.

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