#the whole like fandom artist thing has just never worked out for me and being in as niche a community as this and

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

I don't know if this is the right place to vent this, but since this is a writing/fandom blog, I'll give it a try. Apologies in advance if my message feels out of the place.

So... has anyone, like me, ever felt "unwanted" by their fandom?

Context: I write for a small fandom (1,500 works on AO3), and I write there from the beginning and foundation (4 years). The thing is: I don't write in English, I write and post in my first language, so my audience was always been very restricted, even if there were (and still are!) a couple of kind souls who translate with Google my stories and read it. I am the most prolific writer in this fandom. And that's a fact: counting the numbers of words published, I am the one who has written more in the whole section. Despite all of this, I have never gotten the chance to become a "fandom big" because of the language barrier. That's okay, I can survive, and I still write every day to update my ongoing longs. Anyway, since this fandom is very small, we are also thirsty for content. Every time an artist posts a single fan art on Tumblr (good or bad or mid) everyone flocks and reblog, putting nice tags and kind words of support. Every time I update a fic (I'm the only one writing regularly)... radio silence. I know they don't own me anything. And it's okay if they don't want to try to engage with my writing, but still... it breaks my heart. It's like I'm invisible. And what's worse... when people talk about our fandom stories on Tumblr they always refer to old fics, to authors who didn't update their stories in years... it's always like they are excluding me on purpose. And I don't know why. When I try to engage, to leave a nice comment on a fic or on a piece of art... they don't even acknowledge me. They always act super enthusiastic when an artist makes a new drawing... but when I put a new chapter, a new story... nothing.

And what's worst: when a "fandom king" makes a post about a headcanon or something... it's always something that goes against something I've written in one of my stories. As they're trying to say: "Don't read those stories. What the author is trying to say is just rubbish. Don't even acknowledge them. "

I don't even know if I'm just being paranoid because I have always been ostracized as a kid and even in my teen years... so it's like a curse I can't wash off myself, and I see people pushing me aside because I'm still suffering from this.

Sorry for the vent... I just would like to hear another voice about my situation. I don't have friends, and even when I try to make "fandom friends", well... I'm not so lucky, as you can see.

Thank you if you would like to read my message. I send a big hug to anyone who is suffering from this kind of issue.

anon, I fully believe this is a language barrier thing. you can’t expect people to engage with you when they can’t engage with something that’s, I assume, in language they don’t understand. and don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with writing in other languages that aren’t English. but the thing is that you can’t expect people to engage with something that’s not in the language they know, it’s… just not possible. because even if they want to, they just don’t understand what the work even is about.

and Google translate is actually shit when it comes to actually translating. you only get what the text is about (and even then there’s still a 50/50 chance the translation will be off completely) but not the actual feeling, something that can only be translated by humans and not robots, that’s why most people don’t use google translate to help read fics or books in languages they don’t understand. I also know when most people search for a fic to read, they only search for their language and filter out fics that aren’t in their language altogether. so that’s why. I don’t think they’re trying to exclude you, I just think that it’s impossible for them to engage with your works. and I want to make it clear that I am in no way saying you should only write in English, all I’m saying is if your works are in languages that (some) people don’t speak, then they’re not gonna be able to read your works because google translate sucks at translating and if they don’t even have a glimpse of what the works are about, they’re not gonna bother trying to translate them in the first place.

again, this isn’t to say “oh you should write in English” or “works that are written in English are better” at all. write in the language you’re most comfortable with because at the end of the day you should be writing for you. just, you know, don’t get discouraged if people can’t engage with your works.

*also wanted to add that you can’t expect people’s headcanon to fit yours either. I mean headcanon don’t even fit canon. it’s all about the creativity and imagination of artists, you can’t expect them to think like you. that’s not how fandoms work. people will have their own hcs / interpretations of the characters, just because they’re different from yours doesn’t mean they’re trying to throw shade at you. even my own friends in the fandom I’m in and write for have headcanons that are the complete opposite of my fics. and it’s fun to see different perspectives from people. you don’t have to agree with them. but I really don’t think they’re insulting you by posting headcanon that go against your fics, I just think they’re just having fun and having their own interpretations of the characters.

[taylor-titmouse]

Hey! As an artist who posts NSFW here, I wanted to ask how you decide what posts to censor and redirect to your other socials like Bluesky/Patreon/etc, and which you leave unedited and maybe throw a mature label on? How do you choose to tag your posts? (particularly in fandoms, like your Harvest Moon series).

I feel as though I'm still trying to get a sense of what's both appropriate here and gives people the ability to hide stuff they don't want, while not just avoiding the tags that would let people find my work actually find it.

For example, I'm doing figure studies now with fandom characters to keep me motivated. I don't feel bad just posting artistic nudes, but what if the whole hog is out? How the hell do I decide?

Doesn't help certain tags on Tumblr that would accurately inform people like NSFW just keeps my work from showing up in tags at all. And I've had completely cropped smut with a sexual mature label get flagged and denied in appeal. I never know if I'm doing this right. Would love your thoughts on it!

so regarding what i do/don't censor, it's mostly vibe and my interpretation of the rules. nudity is allowed on tumblr nowadays, but graphic sex is not. so it's fine to post a naked woman with her tits out, but it's not fine to post her being penetrated. same goes for hog--if it's erect, i censor. if it's flaccid, it's fine. i also assume sexual fluids could get you in trouble, so i tend to remove cum or excessive wetness even if there's no sex happening in the image.

basically if you could make a "tasteful" argument, i think it's fine to post uncensored. i actually tend to use the mature content label only when i'm posting in a fandom tag, because that's not an audience that deliberately signed up to see my work. or i put it on when i think it's an edge case of whether something is allowed--it looks better to have made a good faith effort of properly labeling if you have to appeal it later. or, i'll label it when i intend to blaze an advertisement for my books. i mark those as mature to a) make that good faith effort for the person deciding to allow the blaze campaign and b) to make sure it's only shown to people who have that filter turned off. not out of fear it'd be shown to Innocent Eyes, but because the people who have that filter turned off are more likely to actually buy an adult book. it's a way to narrow the marketing down to more potentially interested customers.

i think i've only ever been flagged like, twice on this account? it's actually kind of wild how much i get away with. but i think making a good faith effort to crop and censor when appropriate has gone a long way.

also regarding the automatic filter, it's primed to select flesh colors and things that look like nipples and genitalia. but it expects those things to be shades of pink and brown. it's not so good at picking it up when, say, the image is bright blues and greens. and i do a lot of fucky palette stuff.

hope that's helpful. long story short it's just vibe.

[random-cockroach]

"if you draw someone's design - it is stealing" Gonna be honest, I've been around a good like 30 some years in art. And have never once heard this, I don't know where it would come from. Like if an artist has a boundary and doesn't want their designs drawn? Sure but this is no a wider art community thing It should have been brought up with yall as soon as it was seen. Esp if it was found through repost which something we artist can't control. It sucks but its not fair that things weren't ever said You and Kef are like some of the nicest people I've noticed in the fandom. And if you were told earlier you guys would have changed that It was an accident, don't beat yourself up to hard. But also don't let it squash anything drawing wise. Since most of us would LOVE for you or others to draw our designs. But good on you for stepping up and letting people know Honestly drawing a design isn't stealing unless a boundary is crossed. We'd all be in hot water if that were the case Hasbro would be all over us fanartist

Congrats my nervous system right now is so shaky that you made me cry, I give you the medal of being the first anon to make so, it is damn hard, be proud pffht I never minded my art being used anyhow unless it is just being sold in any way but that doesn't mean I will not understand when I am pointed out on something This is not okay when artist states they don't like their designs being used ->

Which even if by mistake but crossed the line and I must apologise Disformer already seem to be in a plenty of stress and discontent from this whole situation and they didn't even had that much time in the past to just find out about it Imagine you come back from a month of hard work and see that everyone printed the face from your art everywhere (exxaggeration but I want to point out that they were not ready and this is not a pleasant thing to find out and they couldn't reach out in time)

[mythals-whore]

Some thoughts on fandom engagement

Post got long but TL;DR engagement is low, Never Ever Stop Creating! fandom is community and everyone needs to participate

extended thoughts and personal anecdote under the cut:

For writers:

I have turned off Kudos emails from ao3. I found myself checking my email and feeling discouraged when I didn't get them. So i turned the emails off so I wouldn't know I wasn't getting them. Even now when I go to my dashboard, I specifically do not look at the bottom of the work to see those numbers.

This is not me telling you to do the same thing. It is easier said than done, and I understand that. But that's what I had to do to have a good time.

Because for a little while, posting made it less fun. I felt like people didn't like it. I was being overly critical of myself, couldn't write more than three sentences without feeling like I was garbage and my work was garbage and I should just quit. I would post a chapter and then immediately want to take the whole thing down. But then I realized...

I have about four half-finished projects in my WIP folder. I have written like 500,000 words that no one has ever read. Because I had fun doing it! Because I enjoy writing!!

And the point of this isn't to say writers shouldn't want or expect engagement. That is not at all what I'm saying!

What I am saying is that if you enjoy writing and you find that posting your work is making you feel unmotivated, discouraged, and you're not having fun anymore it is okay to take it down. It’s okay to make your work private for a while. It's okay to turn off Kudos emails or even comments. Whatever you need to do to make it fun again, do that. If you enjoy creating, please do not let the lack of engagement stop you!

It's been really helpful for me to find a community of creators! Without the support of @thedissonantverses @flowersforthemachines and @basedonconjecture I may have deleted my work months ago!

And that said, if you want someone to read your work, there are so many people (including and especially me) who would love to read and promote you! Participate in WIP Wednesday and Writing Weekend! Promote your own work!! Promote other creators' work! This is how we build community!

For readers:

If you love fanfic, and fanart and fandom in general engage with it. The urge to take down your work is real! And not unique to me! If writers don't get kudos or comments or replies on tumblr, they will delete their work. If there's a fic you find, and you enjoy it but you don't engage with it do not be surprised if you log on one day and it isn't there anymore. Or if it gets orphaned. Or if they simply stop updating it.

Fandom is meant to be a community. The whole purpose of it is to enjoy the things you enjoy with other people. If you're consuming free work (be that fanfic, fan art or something else) and you're not liking or reblogging or commenting then those people will stop sharing it.

And my personal take, while we're here: I do not get it.

I do not understand why there are people out there who do not jump at the chance to directly engage with authors and artists who make things that you enjoy. You can tell them personally how much you like their work! You can ask them questions! You can send them your unhinged ramblings on The Character.

And before anyone comes to my replies and says: I never know what to say ))):

Here is a non-comprehensive list of 10 slightly unhinged things that I've actually commented on fics (some edited for brevity)

I am chewing on glass.

bye i’m putting my fist through the wall 😭

These two are consuming my every waking thought

That ruined me i fear. I have passed away

THIS IS LITERATURE. absolutely tore my heart out.

You are sick in the head my friend

Im gonna sip on this sentence a while.🤌🏻

how could you do this to them? writing about this in my burn book brb

A) You absolutely cooked here B) how fucking dare you?

 kicking my feet and giggling!!!!!

And this isn't just for ao3/fanfic writers. Fanartists deserve love too! Artists love feedback!! The more unhinged the better!! Tell us we're evil! Quote our work back to us! Tell us you're smashing through walls like the Kool-aid man! Tell us that our work is making you scream and cry and blush!

No one is expecting you to leave several long paragraphs with an actual annotated review (not that that wouldn't also be welcome). Comment! Engage! Community is the whole point!

This also goes for finding Tumblr mutuals, by the way. If you want to make friends with people on here engage with their content! Like their posts! Reply to them! Send asks and messages!

Stop being afraid to enjoy things! That is like...all we are doing here.

[twopoppies]

https://www.tumblr.com/twopoppies/780183307693555712/happy-8-years-sign-of-the-times-i-love-his-muscle?source=share

Storytime here:

I remember the first time I listened to Sign of the Times—I was 15. I had woken up super early to hear it before going to school. It was such a special moment because it was the first time I was hearing Harry post-1D, and I’ve always had a soft spot for him.

I remember by the end of the song, I was a mess, literally in tears haha. Up until that point, no song had ever hit me like that emotionally, and I just knew I wanted to follow Harry’s solo journey.

But then life happened, the fandom started to split more and more, and naturally I drifted away—from the fandom, the boys, and Harry.

I think the only thing I saw of him during that time was the whole spitgate video, which I swear was more talked about than the actual movie haha. I hadn’t even listened to his newer music or any of the boys'.

Time kept passing, Liam left, and just like I drifted away naturally, now I’ve found my way back.

I decided to catch up on everything I missed while I was away. And of course, I’ve never stopped—and will never stop—believing in larry’s love.

One of the things that’s surprised me the most is how much Harry has grown, both as an artist and a person. Since I was away for a while, that change is so clear to me now, and honestly, I couldn't be prouder of him.

It’s kinda funny, because when you compare the then and now, you can still see the essence of 16-year-old Harry, but now he’s way more grounded and wise—and you can totally hear that in his music.

When I listened to Fine Line and then Harry’s House, I felt that same emotional pull I had when I first heard SOTT. And even more than that, the songs really resonate with me. It felt like he was hugging me through this new stage of my life.

I mean, I wish I had been around for the release of both albums, but I think the experience wouldn’t have been the same. I feel like that break was something I really needed.

And about Harry—it’s honestly wild and amazing to see everything he’s accomplished as an artist. But what I value most is that if you take away all the fame, sales and records, you’re still left with this amazing, sensitive, wise, brave, funny, weird human who’s handled all of it with so much grace—and has been open to getting help when he needs it.

Also, as a future therapist, I obviously appreciate the work his therapist has done—but I admire so much how Harry’s really committed to the process himself.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that. I’m really happy to be back, even though it’s a little sad to see how divided the fandom feels now compared to how strong and united it once was.

Still, I’m excited to experience the release of HS4 and LT3 with this little community now.

Thanks for still being here Gina!

I would like to print it out and send it to every person who comes into my inbox whining about how Harry has changed, how he's so fake, how he only cares about money and fame, blah, blah, blah.

I'm so glad you're back and that you can see and appreciate how much he's accomplished professionally and personally ("I see how hard you've worked to be yourself," as Louis said). And congratulations on your studies. It's wonderful to know someone with so much compassion and insight is entering that field.

[thewalrusespublicist]

"Tbh I was starting to feel a bit down about my blog and what I was putting out ( the eternal crisis on how to give full answers and opinions without being stupid, boring and annoying lol)"

OMG no way! Your blog is one of the best here! What i love the most is reading the analysis and meta from the users, there's always more information and good takes, and yours are always quite deep and insightful.

I would love if you share your opinions about Stuart as well. I feel like he is obviously more sanctified that he should be since he died young (like that insane quote from his mom saying that Brian told her that Stuart could have been the Beatles' manager, no way lol) and i feel his memory has been used to attack Paul, sometimes in a very unfair way. Like, i don't deny the teenage drama and jealousy that Paul felt about him but he *was* a shitty bass player and the band was Paul's future, he was allowed to criticized him not only for being John's new bestie. I also think John played with them both but i lack of your eloquence so i will love to read your take about it.

Hi anon! And the other anons!

Thank you again and to all the other messages I got, they were extremely sweet and really made my day. :)

From my inbox, it's clear you guys want to know about Stu and his role in the Beatles legacy. Well you asked for it and a novel you shall have. Be warned this might be the longest post I've done so grab like a drink or something.

A few disclaimers: I wish and had intended for this to be more of a deep dive into Stu as a whole person rather than just his relationship with John and Paul. Unfortunately I just didn't have the space to do it. If you want to know more about Stu I would highly recommend @eppysboys' blog which is the source for all things Stu Sutcliffe and where I got a lot of this info. Please check their stuff out. Also, I'm going to be a bit blunter on this than maybe I usually am because this topic has been irritating me for some time. Oh also I’m trying my best to answer a lot of asks in one post so please forgive if I don’t fully answer your specific ask about this!

Stu in a perfect world should be a fandom darling: an exciting cipher, a handsome artistic talent that died way too soon who had a major influence in the early Beatles style. It's like there’s this secret other James Dean looking mf Beatle hidden away to uncover, that's cool and he is cool! The problem is that he’s sort of becomes radioactive to talk about in a normal way due to how he's been portrayed and utilised in some biographies and fandom spaces, particularly those that have been infected by John Lennon aspirational boy bestie syndrome. As those types of spaces cannot seem to exist without tearing down Paul to prop John up as their special lil guy, Stu as John's other best friend has become the ideal heavy object to hit Paul McCartney over the head with. It's like a corrosive element, the minute Stu hits a Beatles bio, the biographer suddenly loses all training in objectivity and source work and starts waxing lyrical about 100 percent reliable never biased or wrong Saint Stu of Hamburg who died for our condom arson sins and that Paul McCartney should feel bad about every day of his life for not worshipping Stu and not accepting his own ‘place’ in life as John's just-some-guy placeholder best friend. I’ve personally seen so many posts and forums where Stu being mentioned leads to a legion of comments about how Paul could never have been Stu (correct both ways) and how John would never have even glanced at Paul for much longer if Stu had been alive. Sidenote: If you seriously think that the musical savant from down the road whom John went on to produce the most prolific song writing partnership in history with couldnt have kept his attention for long then I'm begging you on hands and knees to get your head out of the arse of your John Lennon body pillow and be serious. But anyway…

This boy bestie battle royale approach has in turn lead to a reflex reaction where Stu gets studiously ignored by other sections of the fandom as a precedent has been set that shining a light on him diminishes Paul and John's relationship with Paul. It's frustrating because if people weren't so keen to cut Paul out of his own story then we would get a much better nuanced view of every single person involved.

So let's put aside all of our defenses, cut the John Lennon loved one ranking system bullshit and lets look at the actual question here which is what was John and Stu's relationship really like and what did he mean to John?

John and Stu met at art college a year or so after Paul and John met. Up to that point John and Paul had their fun little codependant thing going on but Stu quickly became a huge fixture in John's life. Stu had things that Paul couldn't really offer at that point in time. John was at his heart a musician who aspired to be seen as an artist (he would later express surprise that he didn't become an artist). Stu was the passionate artist who knew tons about the art of the period that could teach and inspire John. Their creative leanings meant they could work on projects together and share art notebooks and poetry. (Including yes the one with anti-semitic story which I mention again as I believe it's an important thing to remember when it comes to both John and Stu and the culture of the time.) Stuart by the sounds of it was even writing a novel about John at the time of his death. They were fascinated and inspired by each other.

So, creatively they fired each other up but more importantly perhaps, Stu and John were peers. It's funny to think about when you see the Beatles later but at the time Paul and George were the kids in their school uniform coming to see their cool older friend at art school. That's an important divide. When Paul and George's parents insisted their kids do their homework and go to bed, John and Stu could stay up and talk all hours of the night, which they did. They also could rent a place together and spend long hours chatting (despite John moving out later after realising electricity cost money lol.) There's a different dynamic that the age similarity offered as well. Whilst Paul would later somewhat grow into this role, Stu could act as an authority figure to John as well as open up to John in a way you can really only do with your peers. Stu was the person John opened up to throughout Stu's life:

How long can one go on writing and writing like you. I now don’t really know who I’m writing to or why it’s quiet peculiar. I usually write like this and forget about it but if I put it in a little part of my [almost?] secret self in the hands of someone miles away who will wonder what the hell is going on or just pass it off as toilet paper. Anyway I don’t care really what happens because when I think about it, it’s so bloody unimportant – but what is important who has the right to say that this letter is not important and this is a something any way – anyway – anyway – yeah! I wonder what it would be like to be a cretin or something. I bet it’s gear. & how are you keepin Stuart old chap are you as ok – is life as good – bad shite, great – wonderful as it was or is it just a thousand years of nothing and coolness on and on and on. I think this is it Goodbye Stu don’t write out of – er what is it? well not because you think you ought to write when you feel like So goodbye (from John you know the one with glasses) ANYWAY BYE BYE see you soon I don’t know why I said that I remember a time when everyone I loved hated me because I hated them so what so what so fucking what I remember a time when belly buttons were knee high when only shitting was dirty and everything else clean + beautiful I can’t remember anything without a sadness So deep that it hardly becomes known to me so deep that its tears leave me a spectator of my own STUPIDITY + so I go rambling on with a hey nonny nonny nonny no

Extract from a letter to Stuart Sutcliffe from John Lennon, 1961

By lots of accounts Stu was gentle but firm when it came to telling John he'd gone too far. John references this aspect of Stu to Hunter Davies:

"I looked up to Stu. I depended on him to tell me the truth. Stu would tell me if something was good and I'd believe him."

The Beatles: The Authorised Biography (Hunter Davies)

In this way I kind of see Stu as a proto-Yoko. John was so insecure and uncertain about his grip on the world and reality that he relied on Stu to be his point of reference and guide. Paul did this too later and I think in Hunter Davies John mentions this, but not at this time period and not as much due to their competitiveness. This may be why some people saw Stu as the person that really understood John at this time period:

"During the turbulent adolescence that prefaced a turbulent manhood, hardly anyone knew Lennon as intimately as Stuart Sutcliffe. If they weren't exactly David and Jonathan, June Furlong, one of the life models at Liverpool's Regional College of Art, had "never seen two teenagers as close as those two."

The Gospel According To Lennon by Alan Clayson

Now this person likely never met John and Paul together but this is only one of many similar quotes and even Julia captain of John and Paul's friendship boat seems to agree there was a period where Stu dominated and Paul 'kept his distance' from the John-Cyn-Stu 'menage-a-trois'. But the friendship wasn't perfect and his position as John's ultimate best friend was never iron clad. This is best outlined by the shit they pulled when John convinced him to join on Bass for the Beatles.

Despite being John's best friend, Stu was teased and bullied:

"They argued as usual amongst themselves, but most of all they picked on Stu, the newest member of the group. John, George and Paul had been with each other long enough to know that rows and arguments and criticism didn't mean much. If it did, you just argued back. "We were terrible," says John. "We'd tell Stu he couldn't sit with us, or eat with us. We'd tell him to go away, and he did." At one hotel they stayed at, a variety show had just left. There had been a dwarf in the show and they found out which bed he had slept in and said that would have to be Stu's. They certainly weren't going to sleep in it. So Stu had to. "That was how he learned to be with us," says John. "It was all stupid, but that was what we were like."

The Beatles: The Authorised Biography (Hunter Davies)

Why John encouraged this I have no idea, maybe jealousy over Stu's looks and wanting to play people off each other? Things were tense in both Scotland and Hamburg, especially between Stu and Paul. As I said in my last post, the girls were fighting and it was mutual. Paul was mad for both fair and immature teenage-boy reasons. Stu could not be bothered with the bass most of the time and couldn't really play well and was only there as he was '(John's) best friend' (ouch for Paul). Paul conversely had given up higher education to be there and was sending lots of money back home. He also was dating the girl Paul fancied. Stu was popular with the new group and also did mean things like help John steal Paul's money when money was really tight for him. Paul in turn was a passive aggressive, jealous and mean. It all came to ahead in the punch up onstage which according to Spitz came about from Paul wanting money back and saying that Stu could borrow some from Astrid. Stu goes for him and reports vary from full-on bust up to embarrassing scuffle. Stu then goes to where Astrid and Paul's gf Dot are, demands Dot leaves and goes on a rant about Paul. Now all of this must be framed in the context of Stu receiving increasing brain damage from his condition that seemingly lead to mood swings and anger. Nevertheless, the mutual needling and anger, as well as John's refusal to do/say fuck all about it, especially given how protective John was of Stu, suggests that it wasn’t straightforward and/or John may have been playing some games to make both feel threatened. This would also make sense as to why we hear conflicting accounts of John and Stu being the centre of everything and everyone else in orbit AND John and Paul being the centre and everyone else playing catch-up, as well as John giving Paul the lead to take him round the Reeperbahn when John got dressed in the gorilla costume. (I know Paul may have just been the closest there but that always gave off bestie behaviour to me.)

(I did get an ask about how John and Paul's friendship survived it, I think it was damaged by Hamburg. When Paul got back home he got a job at a construction site and there's just a vibe of everything being a bit on tenterhooks. John also acts a bit weird at the period, not talking to anyone for a few weeks then making a lot of weird demands from Paul. I'm really not sure what to make of it.)

Even when he's back in Liverpool, John still writes long letters to Stu and vice-versa. I can't find it at all but I’ve read a really sad interview with John saying he missed his best mate and it's a shame that he's not with them. He had no idea at that point that Stu had already died of a brain hemorrhage at 21.

John is said to have gone into hysterics when he found out Stu had died. A lot of people who've spoken about this time (Aunt Mimi, his sister Julia, the Exsis) concur that at this point Stu was his best friend and the death shattered him. He even told Astrid he wished he could give his life for Stu’s. This is backed up by the fact that John never forgot Stu and his shadow lingered for the rest of John's life:

Stu was recalled in In My Life

Years later, after John composed the first of his truly poignant and heartfelt Beatles songs, "In My Life"—with its lines about "friends I still can recall/some are dead and some are living"—he revealed to me that the two people he had had uppermost in mind were myself and Stuart Sutcliffe. And then he stunned me with a statement that I'd never heard him address to anyone—least of all to another man. "You know, Pete," he said softly, "I do love you. But," he quickly added, "I loved Stuart as well."

Weird that Paul isn't mentioned surely you think that he would be mentioned if Pete was there too okay, okay my tin hat is going away this isn't the time

Pete Shotton, Nicholas Schaffner, John Lennon: In My Life

In 1965 John drew Stu on a postcard

He apparently said this about Stu prior to sending the postcard, prompted by an article about Stuart.

The card had been sent from Genoa mid-way through the Beatles' Italian tour. [...] But the conversation had become maudlin when I reminded him that he was going to talk to me for an article about Stuart. [...] In that sad telephone conversation before they set off for Milan, I asked him if he was happy: 'I'd be a lot happier if Stuart was still part of us,' he said, 'The Beatles would be complete.' And before he rang off he said 'Ill send you something.'

He also appears on the cover of Sgt Pepper

As mentioned, Stu gets mentioned in Hunter Davies in terms of wistfulness and guilt AND he gets a mention in John's insane 'if I were a homosexual' ramblings in early 70s. According to Yoko, John also wanted Yoko to write letters to him and didn't think it would be strange because Stu wrote letters to him.

I have a pet theory that as with a lot of things for John, his unresolved grief over Stu really came to the fore in the late 60s now that he had actually had a chance to sit down and think about things. I believe it was partially why he wanted Yoko to write letters and why he gets mentioned in the early 70s as a collaborator/best friend and not in 1980 where John only gives that credit to Paul and Yoko. I think with the cracks with Paul, John had started to think back on his old friend and guide and what advice he would give.

Stuarts presence is still felt throughout the seventies:

“He told me everything. He loved to talk about Hamburg. There were no secrets. It was the kind of life I never knew…. It meant total freedom. At his side always was Stuart, sweet Stuart. There wasn’t a time in John’s life when he didn’t think about Stuart. He spoke always of his love and respect for Stuart.”

Yoko discussing Stu in When They Were Boys: The True Story of the Beatles’ Rise to the Top by Larry Kane

Coming to grips with his death is also present in Skywriting

SEAN O’HAIRE: What happened to Stuart Cliff? DR. FISCHY: What happened was a full exchange of energy where it was not needed within the expression of your own self or in the energies involved around and about you. We cannot call it a happening. We’ll say it is an awakening, for in that way it has served an expression from the past to the present and to the future to where there shall be more of that incomplete vibration expressed to you in a more fuller understanding.

Skywriting by Word of Mouth, John Lennon

This isn't exhaustive but I think from all this it's pretty clear that John adored Stu, John grieved Stu and kept grieving Stu. Stu had a specific place in his life as a confidant that he tried to recreate with Yoko. At the time of Stu's death, he was John's best friend, probably slightly over Paul. Stuart had been able to be both a friend and paternal presence, a confidant and an artistic collaborator. His presence and loss was one of the foundational points in John's life.

But as we've been asked to play this stupid game and so many bios like to make a hoopla about it, were they at their closest ever as close as John and Paul were at their height?

No.

How do we know? Because John told us so:

" He [Paul] still is the closest friend I've ever had, except for Yoko, so I'm still close to him whatever goes on."

John Lennon to an interviewer, 1971

But Walrus! John just says shit! How do we know he isn't leaving out Stu because the press don't know Stu. Well true John does just say shit but this is at a time where John isn't the most glowing about Paul and he's had no problem mentioning Stu in this time period ('one of my best friends ever' would have made a similar point).

But Walrus again! If John picked Stu over Paul when they were young why wouldn't he be the boy bestie of all time, and why would John say that he was closer to Paul? Well, because of the environment and timings. Stu's death happened near the beginning of John and Paul's major bonding moments. If you look at their personal timeline, Paris, the Nerk twins, and getting signed happened just before Stu died. That's missing the major years of Beatlemania, Key West, LSD, Paul growing more into being John's peer and a load of other huge moments in their lives. It's like how John writes to Cyn in 1962 about wanting the house to themselves and not have Paul around all the time. Would you say because he feels closer to Cyn then that John in his overall lifetime loved Cyn more than Paul? No, because relationships change over time and theirs were no exception. (One thing to consider as well is that we don't yet have many letters between John and Paul during their Beatles years and earlier, probably because they were spending so much time with each other. We know a couple exist that Paul considers too personal for publication but I'm sure there are others. It's easy to understand what John felt for Stu as we have the letters, I think we would also have an easier time understanding what John felt for Paul if we had the equivalent of those.)

At the end of the day Paul was the man he believed he had a psychic bond with, the man he couldn’t shut up about, the man whom he’d conquered the world with with their endless collaboration, the man with a twin personality to him and according to John spent more time with throughout the 60s than he had with Yoko ever. To be frank if Paul had died in 67' I don't think this would have been a conversation.

As mentioned early, in early 1970s John elevates his partnership with Stu to his collaborations with Paul and Yoko but by 1980 he’s pretty clear that Paul and Yoko are their own category.

"I was saying to somebody the other day, “There’s only two artists I’ve ever worked with for more than a one night stand, as it were. That’s Paul McCartney, and Yoko Ono.” And I think that’s a pretty damned good choice!!"

John Lennon interview with DJ Dave Sholin, 1980

There are of course the what ifs. Would Stu still being alive mean that John was not as close with Paul? Maybe, highly doubtful though as the Beatles experience was so intense. If Stu remained a Beatle would John be as close with Paul? If Stu remained a Beatle he wouldn't be Stu so no. At the same time who knows what it would have been like if Paul and John were peers from the off? I said this to @the62ndbugsfan when it comes to Stu vs Paul (hi girl sorry i've made our chat a whole ass post lol) but to go a bit Wuthering Heights, soulmates are made as much from the earth as they are of the stars. What binds us is our experiences just as much as our personalities. There may be a universe where Stu and John took on the art world together or became inseparable bffs again after the Beatles disbanded, but it is not our universe. In this universe Stu tragically died and John and Paul chose to become Lennon/McCartney and artistically unite themselves forever.

Even going back to Stu's lifetime, I've said it before and I'll say it again I find it interesting that not only did John choose to go to Paris with Paul rather than pay to meet up with Stu somewhere but that they arranged to meet up with Juergen and nobody told Stu until they'd already gone. Stu was shocked and didn't know if it meant the end of the Beatles which is a pretty big thing for him not to know about. Why didn't John tell him if they're apparently still writing long letters? Was it because he really wanted to do this with Paul and didn't want to hurt Stu's feelings? And that's really the point I want to make here. Due to his trauma John was preoccupied with reinforcing ranking of relationships within his life. But the thing is friendship rankings are made up guidelines and the reality is far more complicated. You can have a designated best friend but feel closer to another friend at times, you can want to do one thing specifically with one friend and not the other for various reasons. You can (as I do) have more than one equal best friend. Friendship as with most relationships are in a constant state of flux and each friendship you have will give and mean a different thing, even if they are of similar value to you.

Paul may have ended up closer to John than Stu had been, but that doesen't make John's relationship with Stu any less special. Nor does Stu negate the significance of Paul. Whilst both fit into John's pattern of intense relationships and demands related to that, both had unique positions and meaning to him. Considering what I've gone into about John's closeness to Stu, it actually says something deeply, borderline unnervingly, intense about John and Paul that Paul pipped Stu to the post. Maybe it's time Beatles bios accept the fact that John Lennon just wouldn't be into them like that, stop using a tragically prematurely deceased young man as a prop in their jealous psychological warfare against Paul McCartney, stop perpetuating one of the most damaging games that John did to his loved ones and allow both relationships the space to shine and showcase the amazing talent that was the Beatles and those that surrounded them.

[gayhorrorsans]

CW alot of swearing, if that triggers you at all

And I'll probably re do this but more professionally when I'm less mad.

-------------

The whole 'I hate sans centered AU's' and 'The fandom was ruined by AU's' pisses me OFF.

Let me explain it to you like you're five.

So, when a character is popular... yes?

People like that character more than others... yes?

So when people make fanart... yes?

They make it of that character more often than others... yes?

Therefore since the character is more popular and more known. The character has more fan works. Therefore has more AU's.

The fact people define this shit too pisses me off. I've seen people call Horrortale and Underfell sans centered AU's. I'm sorry what? If you said Dusttale sure. Something New (Killer Sans), sure I can't exactly argue. But calling Horrortale and especially UNDERFELL sans centered? Wild.

I assure you you will live if an artist wants to make an Au centered around sans. You also forget he's typically a simple character to draw compared to the rest. So beginner artists can attempt him easier. Also he was by far the most popular character in the fandom in its infancy, and still is the most popular. LOOK I GET that some AU's are sans centered. But the way you treat them makes you look pathetic or uneducated.

Put it this way, people often see videos saying 'Sans centered AU's bad' and reply 'I'm working on an Au where <insert really uninteresting thing>' and look this is Fine. Be creative, in fact I encourage it. However there's a reason these sans centered AU's are popular. They're creative. They were also made when the fandom had enormous communities on platforms like amino. AU's SPREAD. Plus, if your AU was just writing, no art, it's heavily likely you would be ignored or your au would fade out quickly. These are the principles of the Internet. To stay relevant you need to produce new media that people can consume quickly. Art or animation.

Popular AU's made recently(ish) so past the initial craze of dreamtale,Dusttale and so on. Undertale Last Breath, IDUTSHANE and so on. They have to utilise new ideas or new takes on pre existing ideas. It's hard to make a new original idea that is both good, and fits in with the dynamic. These aus are only popular for a while, then fade into irrelevancy. I would love to see some new popular AU's, but however if you make them without sans in them, or as a background character, just know it's likely your au won't have much of a chance.

There's an oversupply of sans au content because there's an extreme demand for it. It's like complaining that a store sells too much monster energy drink and not enough red bull, when that store sells maybe 5 cans of red bull a year, and 50 thousand cans of monster a year.

And let's not even mention when an artist makes AU content that isn't sans centered, the same people who complain about it, just focus on the sanses themselves. Xtale is a huge example. Because of recent events it's fair to understand the limelight is on Cross (trans coded). But in general I never see anything on any OTHER Xtale characters, even from people I know hold the opinion that they want less sans centric aus.

Also the AU's in general keel the fandom afloat. Sure mischaracterisation is rife, but at some point we have to acknowledge the reality of it's damn near impossible to fix. Always stand up for what you believe in, but understand some times it's not worth the energy.

I'll probably re do this but more professional at some point. Sorry for being all over the place. I just wanted to post something and I was mad at this.

[auroreliis]

Batfam would have to do research on my special interests if they want to win me over fast but also the thought of super serious Bruce and Damian watching/reading jojos bizarre adventure is really funny to me

Absolutely they would. For you, they would binge every show, play every game and read every paragraph of a book just to have something in common with you. They would all do it for different reasons, but in the end, you would have to listen to them outnerd you.

Bruce's regard for your interests is wholesome. He genuinely wants to know what makes you happy, what you do in your free time, what you could talk about for hours. In order to be able to listen to you talk for hours, he surrounds himself with your interests. You like this artist? He buys a few of their most popular albums. This game is entertaining to you? He either tries it out or watches you play it. There's this film you're excited about? He watches it with you.

Although most of your interests are different, he does actually find himself enjoying anything you enjoy. Perhaps it reminds him of you.

Dick has this one fear. He believes that no matter how persistent he is, if you aren't reciprocating his clinginess, the two of you will grow apart eventually, so he never leaves you alone, even when you beg him to. It isn't really a secret, as he makes it quite obvious, but he hopes you will one day embrace him as he embraces you. You probably get sick of him and tell him how boring he is, which shatters his heart completely.

Now he has to figure out a way to spend time with you, but he needs to make sure you are also enjoying his company, lest you hurt him with your cruelty once more, so he researches every last fact about your interests, be it an activity, a game, a book, a person, he knows everything about it. Dick doesn't want to make it obvious that he only found out this information the night prior, so he cautiously needs to start a conversation.

He most likely waits until you are occupied with your interest before walking up to you, "Hey, is that _____? Wow, I used to be obsessed with it as a kid, I'm suprised you even know it, it isn't that popular and it's quite old." He pats your head and sits down next to you, grinning as you start rambling about it to him. You are actually talking to him. It worked.

Jason is careful when sharing his interests with you. He needs to preserve his reputation as your cool older brother and usually people don't share his interests, so when he finds you reading a classic book, he seats himself nearby, waiting for you to finish reading. Once you're done, he makes sure you enjoyed the book before fanboying about it. You immediately notice how much of a nerd he is. He also recommends similar books or ones he thinks you would enjoy as well. In the end he pulls you into so many fandoms that you stop listening when he recommends books. You've already got like 40 more to read.

Tim does not have this problem. The moment he knew you existed, he educated himself and has kept up with your interests ever since. "Just in case", or ,"Just because", he said, typing a summary of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. "I might as well", he takes notes while binging One Piece. This guy is clinically insane. Fortunately for him, he can now start conversations with you very easily, since he knows everything about your interests (and everything else about you).

Side note: If you refuse to spend time with him even after he did all that for you, the following outcomes are possible:

Either you pity him and spend time with him or Dick tries and fails to guilt trip you, only to end up forcing you to spend time with poor Tim who was awake for a whole week just to impress you (Tim frantically nods along with anything Dick says).

Damian takes great pride in having things in common with you, so as soon as he notices you being fond of something, he surrounds himself with it. You have a favourite colour? He creates a few painting with specifically that colour. You like a certain animal? He will try to adopt one. Damian would, of course, never admit it to you, but he desperately wants you to notice that you two have similar interests (As in, you have an interest and he pretends to also like it just so you maybe talk to him).

If you don't talk to him, he will become more aggressive with his attempts of having you notice him, perhaps randomly coming into your room to paint, claiming that the lighting there is better. Or he asks Bruce to adopt a certain animal during dinner. His attempts are obvious to you, but he doesn't know that.

Cassandra wouldn't really need to share interests with you. She's always close to you anyway. While she does speak to you every now and then, she is perfectly comfortable with sitting in your proximity in silence. However, if you ever asked her to, she would research anything you need her to in order to rant or ramble to her. As long as she has her eyes on you, anything is fine.

Stephanie immediately goes to Tim for help, knowing that he went insane and made a bunch of summaries and notes. First, she makes fun of him, then she apologises, because he threatened to take the notes away, she then complains about how much there is to read before finishing the essays Tim wrote, giving herself about a week. Steph then talks to you as if she didn't go through all that trouble just to have a topic to talk to you about.

Dick told Barbara all about his shenanigans. She even helped him figure out what you're interested in, even researching about it herself. She isn't as intrusive as the others, instead waiting until the moment is right, not wanting to scare you away or overwhelm you. Perhaps if you're alone, she'll come up to you and start with small talk, only really mentioning your special interest if it's involved somehow. Overall, she is the least feral of the bunch (in this situation, at least).

[eternalera]

so people have been wondering why caitvi is a lot less popular now within the arcane fandom than ships with timebomb or jayvik and as someone who ships them let me explain mostly why this is happening, of course mostly from the writing perspective as there is likely some misogyny included in said reason but thats just what ive heard and not seen (this does NOT mean it isnt happening though). and im also not including it because im just addressing why even some caitvi shippers (that i know) ended up not caring for it in s2

(click read more because this... this is a long one)

first off im stating that this is just a combination of what ive seen from other people and my own opinions. in your opinion these points can be completely dogshit and thats okay because they're opinions. not fact. with that being said lets get started.

1. Tension, s2 act 2 kills almost ALL of the tension that the first act sets up. in the first act you have them getting together, you have them finally kissing and breaking the previous tension in s1 then to keep people interested in the ship in the same episode they have them breakup. and this works people talked a SHIT ton about this and were going feral over it, looking at the trailer and seeing 'oh look at emo vi and her dictator gf!!' and even the 'there are two ways to handle a gay break up' memes. it was all over.

people were feral, waiting for the next act to see them interact and have beef with each other (before inevitably getting back together because we all knew it would happen). but in act two we dont really get that. we get the aftermath from vi's perspective and kinda cait's???? but then we have their interaction and people are hyped at this moment. because this is the moment. the one that they were all waiting for and there's a small scuffle before... it stops.

vi calls cait cupcake and... all if forgiven rather quickly in that scene (obviously in act 3 they have some more drama but we'll talk about it later). they have their moment and its cute. you have cait folding after being called cupcake, its cute. but thats just the thing. its nothing else but cute. there are still stakes dont get me wrong but that moment is just... so bad for cait's character. she has the whole dictator arc and it just takes vi calling her a pet name for her to switch sides.

and yes its adorable, its everything you want in a ship. but it doesnt really make sense when you take in account everything that they've been building up for cait. her dictator arc, her gassing zaun, training with ambessa, losing her mother, breaking up with vi. it all seems undermined by vi calling her a petname and all of the sudden the tension is taken out of their relationship.

they get back together (sorta) and help plan to take down ambessa and that's all it took. its like having a really evil villain who did a ton of bad things but the good guy gives them a pep talk (vi doesnt even do that) and all of the sudden their mind changes completely

it's not realistic, it doesn't make sense.

then you have act 3 and where vi actually confronts cait about ambessa and her going along with her actions and they have a small argument thats kinda just resolved by cait saying that she knows what she did wrong and that she tried helping jinx not get arrested too and then BAM there's a shift in the argument and then we're back to jinx and it never gets brought up again (correct me if im wrong)

their relationship follows this, happy moment, create something that causes tension, build up tension, refuse to follow through.

its like its tightening a string on an instrument to get a tone but before you pluck it the string loosens and all of the sudden you get this really really dull and kinda disgusting sound that doesn't leave you feeling 100% satisfied in the end

or if you're an artist almost filling in a circle completely but at the last second you color just a little bit outside the lines. it's not satisfying.

2. The sex scene, this is just mostly stuff ive seen and while i dont agree with all of it i must say that they do have their valid points of thinking that the scene was a little misplaced. most of the complaints of seen of this is that vi was out of character and that she should've been looking for jinx since it was implied that jinx was going to kill herself to 'fix' everything. and while i dont think vi couldve really known this i do see where theyre coming from as vi is inherently protective of jinx and her actions and even if there was the slightest chance that she might harm herself vi would do anything in her power to stop it and... she just doesnt.

when cait unlocks the cell she doesnt rush out to jinx, she just wallows a bit longer and mopes (WHICH IS FUCKING VALID BTW). then you have cait talk to her and... SEX. yeah there is other stuff between that but some people felt that they shouldve had them have their talk and then had vi rush out to help jinx.

a lot of people also felt that cait was taking advantage of vi in this moment (i do NOT agree with this at all) to an emotional extent and saying how the scene didnt feel right because vi wasnt in her best state (i agree slightly with this) and that the sex in the cell wasnt really reclaiming anything from all those years of being in the cell like the directors originally intended it to

then you have people saying that it was misplaced (and i kinda agree) and that it just felt so sudden for the both of them especially considering everything with them and then there's the next reason...

3. Caitlyn herself, there was so much drama about her character. in the first arc you have people defending her actions and who were ready to die for her and people getting mad at her, saying she was the worst and that she didnt deserve vi after what she did to her. this also comes with her character being set up to do a lot of evil shit in the future. there was drama (when is there not) and that meant the majority of people loved or hated her with a slim minority not really caring her for at all.

she was implied to have gassed zaun (actually its not even really implied as she, vi, and the gang do it that one episode in a montage and they actually show them doing it for like... a scene or two) and overall just have been a really shitty person to zaunites. she slept with maddie (which people HATED) and they kept leading up to her being the big bad the person who vi would have to convince but once again... they meet and all tension is ruined.

cait's character is one of the best and worst things in arcane. they did such a good job setting her up only to fumble last second and yeah... thats enough to effectively kill a ship as one half of it is the other character (assuming is a monogamy ofc) and 50% is not passing. people arent going to be as committed to a ship when they hate the other character in it and thats just a fact

4. Time, it just... didnt work. timebomb got a full episode (practically) devoted to it and jayvik was kinda in there as crumbs. not to mention that their entire arc is sprinkled a lot more effectively and more long lasting throughout s2 of arcane. with timebomb THEY GOT A WHOLE EPISODE

people already like both characters of ekko and jinx so yeah theyre going to go feral over what coudlve been. the dance, everything and it effectively builds up tension with showing us how good everything couldve been and fully releases it in a satissfying way with ekko's leave. with jayvik you have him going insane and realizing that he has to kill viktor in order to stop what happens in the future (GIVING US THE ANSWER TO WHAT HAPPENED IN EP6 and this also gives us more tension in the relationship when viktor comes back).

you have ekko stopping jinx from ending her life (another reason people didnt like the sex scene cause jinx was actively trynna off herself during it) and telling her to give living another chance because you can build something more you can start again. and you also have the implications of them drawing on themselves in the artbook and just in general during the show. you have the hot air balloon contraption that they create. its everything

jayce then meets with viktor in the room and there is tension so much tension and it all goes to them. then you have jayce confronting and giving himself to viktor on the battlefield and its so well written. now, personally i have my issues with how jayce talk not jutsu-ed viktor into stop being evil or whatever (personally that scene was like a 6/10 for me). "BUT WAIT WHAT ABOUT YOUR COMPLAINTS WITH VI AND CAIT AND CAIT FOLDING AFTER BEING CALLED CUPCAKE?!?!" they would be lessened if we were shown them talking and discussing what happened, what went wrong. with them we dont do that, we dont get the release of them regretting what they've done, their actions. that declaration of love.

with jayvik we do (love can be interpreted as romantic or platonic) and they probably spend more time in that scene talking about each other and how much they care for one another than caitvi do in the entirety of s2 when it comes to discussing their relationship.

basically what happened was that the writers confirmed 'yes theyre canon now, nothing else is going to happen to them. okay time to focus on other things' and caitvi got sidelined SO HARD in the end that come people stopped caring for them entirely and put more attention to ships and dynamics that were getting more attention and love from the show.

basically thats all i could think of and its 1am so sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes lol. tell me if i got anything wrong, if you agree or just your general opinions on the matter because this is what i could find/gather about them. have a good day/night everybody :)

[scoops404]

Scoops' Fics of 2024

It's that time of year again! The time for me to rank my own fics for the last year in order from my least favorite to most favorite. I only considered fics I wrote entirely myself, so you won't see an honest living in here because that was almost 50/50 written with Dizzy! (but you should definitely go check it out!)

This year I only had two novel length fics because I was supposed to be focusing on original work (oops). I had a heck of a summer with my bingo fills. There's definitely recency bias at play here, but that's just how it goes sometimes. Let me know if you agree/disagree :D

See the Elephant - T - this one was written for a fic fest that ended up getting canceled because of the grituation. I had already written the entire thing and it had to be T because the artists were going to post their work. If I had known it would be canceled, I would have had them doing the freaknasty. This was after I had already planned out and written a fic before new boundaries dropped in November (see Circling Back). Basically, this fic fest was never meant to be, I suppose. I was starting to think I was a curse. Oh, but the fic itself is a soulmate AU and kinda angsty and has a hospital scene. 0 horse mentions.

Merry Men Making Merry - T - This was written for Fairy Tales from the SMP - the first and only successful fanfiction event I've completed all the way through (it's never me dropping out btw, it's always the event getting canceled). Anyway I got my first choice of fairy tale, which was Robin Hood, and I put a fun spin on it. The art with this fic was gorgeous!! A very different type of fic for me and it stretched some writing muscles I didn't know I had. Secret identity and identity reveal, some of my favorite tropes. 4 horse mentions.

Move to Florida, buy the car you want - E - the first of my bingo fics. It turns out I am bad at being brief. Anyway, DNF get together and semi-roadhead and I dunno, it's cute. I wrote most of this fic free hand in my note book at my work desk because fuck capitalism. I just checked, the prompt was "late night care rides" which checks out. 0 horse mentions

Someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts (croptop) - E - this is the one from the middle of June about crop tops that was also written for bingo. I dunno. It's cute enough. 0 horse mentions.

Everyone understands why it’s mean to be (a/b/o phone call) - T - this one is funny because I didn't even bother saying what the prompt was in the author's notes, but I think it was a/b/o. This one was fun to write because it was basically a nod to the 2021 fandom and where we were, and where DNF were -- waiting on that damn visa. Like going back in time and writing a fic. 1 horse mention.

Can I Use You Up - E - I really had fun writing this one. It has fun Dreateam dynamics and then a really intense sex scene and the dichotomy of both of those things in one fic -- and short (for me), at that! impressive. 0 horse mentions.

Circling Back - E - this fic is fun and wild. I got to write co-workers to lovers that is also hidden/secret identity -- and it works! WILD! I re-read this one recently and it stands up. This was originally written for that first fic fest i was talking about and when they changed it for the new boundaries for art, I couldn't have any smut and the whole plot kind of hinged around the smut, so... I decided to just write it as it is. ALSO this is the first fic that Chelsey beta'd, I think. So that's fun! And it was the first fic of the year (not counting Hits Different which wrapped up in January). 0 horse mentions.

Just to do experiments on - E - Yall, if you had told me that I would write tentacle porn, I would have laughed at you. Extra has been trying to get me to write tentacles for YEARS and then it came up on my bingo card and I felt like I finally had to bite the bullet and do it. Except, I actually really love how it turned out? This bingo prompt was tentacles, obviously, but also cursed by a witch. A twofer, if you will. 0 horse mentions.

Let Me Familiarize You - E - here's some Scoops lore. I wrote this fic in two sitting and it is 13K, so that's wild!!! It took me two days in the time after my surgery but before I could go back to work to write this (in between writing the beginnings of Two Fools and another story that I haven't and won't publish lol). Anyway, it's about witch!George accidentally making Patches his familiar and then coming clean to Dream and also his mom is there. And then literally that same day, George dropped a video with his mom. Crazy pants. (or maybe it was the day before when this was all written? Can't remember. Also I was on pain pills). I really like how it turned out. It's a fun premise! 0 horse mentions.

Puzzle pieces in the dead of night - T - another bingo fic, the prompt was pirates. Anyway, I had a BLAST writing this one. Secret identity, kidnapping, munchy mc dynamics, I really like writing action adventurey fics and this one feel right into that category. A fun read, in my opinion. 0 horse mentions.

I’m Having His Baby (No, I’m Not) - E - a bingo fic, the prompt was "mpreg, but abortion" because the person who made the boards *ahem* doesn't like pregnancy stuff and wanted to punish me (lightheartedly lol). Anyway, joke is on her, because I made this into an epic story and I had so much fun writing it. Like, laughing out loud to myself while writing it, which is kinda sad, but is also the point of fanfiction. You have to entertain yourself first and foremost. And also I snuck eventual mpreg in there anyway so haha! for real, though, if you think the premise of this one is weird -- Dream and George accompany Sapnap on a roadtrip to Colorado to get his abortion -- you should try it out anyway. 1 horse mention, and arguably the one that brought it to our good anon's attention.

Anagnorisis - E - speaking of mpreg, LMAOOOOOO. My "I didn't know I was pregnant" AU with Angst and miscommunication and domesticity and last minute flights to London and a baby named after the lead singer of Glass Animals. This fic has a lot! I wrote a lot about the beginning of this fic on Tumblr and kind of how I begin writing fics. Here Anyway, pretty proud of this fic. I had to ask my mom a lot of questions about NICU. 3 horse mentions.

I Am Two Fools - E - every year the last novel length fic of the year seems to be in the top spot. No Exception this year. This fic was very tough to write, but very rewarding. I think it taught me a lot about making sure character motivations are fleshed out and make sense. It, and Anagnorisis, taught me about trusting the reader and dropping hints at things. Yall got So Good at catching hints and making molehills out of anthills, as intended. I took a chance and switched up POV halfway through, which is almost never do. And I think that really helped me stretch my writing muscles as well as all the bingo fics. Very proud of the work I did on this fic. 0 horse mentions.

[maikaartwork]

HOW TO FIND YOUR PERFECT COMMISSION ARTIST - BEGINNER’S GUIDE

There is a new trend of scamming fanfic writers that I was made aware of recently by an anonymous ask (I made a whole ass post about it) and the conversation about it led me to this post - how to make sure that an artist you choose to bestow your money on is as perfect of a choice for you as it can be, especially if you have no idea how to go about it. Being new in the world of commissioning can be stressful, so let me give you some friendly tips coming from an experienced commission artist to make the process at least safe and maybe a bit more comfortable.

This isn’t just for writers - if you just want random artwork to brighten your day, this might help, too!

Table of contents:

Basics of searching for an artist

What might be important to you as a client

First contact

Examples

Conclusion

BASICS OF SEARCHING FOR AN ARTIST:

Search in your fandom/ship community first - the best art to suit you will come from people that will actually know the characters they are drawing, people that like them, know how they act, the fanon and lore. It helps to get the correct emotions across. Scour the tags for #<fandom> art, #<ship> fanart and so on to see who is contributing. Check out the fanart channels of your local ship/fandom discord if you belong to one. Or just ask your fandom buddies for links to dope artists they like.

If that doesn’t pan out, search for simply cool art you like - experienced artists will know what questions to ask, how to guide the process to at least get to know your needs and learn about the characters you want portrayed. If your fandom is tiny or just lacking in the art area, keep your options open but raise the experience bar a notch, so you know that you’ll be working with someone who knows their stuff.

Art Vibe Check - you’ll know immediately (probably) if the art style speaks to you. Make sure you actually LIKE what you see - be it because of the style of drawing, the way the artist builds scenes, if in your mind’s eye you can imagine drawing in that style be something that represents your fic or that you’d be happy to hang on your bedroom wall and stare at every day.

ArtIST Vibe Check - go through the artist’s profile, check out what they post and reblog. You’ll want to look for someone that at least seems to be into things that indicate that they might be a cool person to talk to. You’ll probably be in contact with them for the duration of the commission, it’s at least nice to be able to talk to a nice internet entity, right? Especially if you’re thinking of commissioning in the future, you might want to choose someone you click with, who seems like they would get you.

Check if they have commission info - this isn’t something you should feel married to, some artists don’t advertise or just never did commissions before but again - especially for your first time, it’s good to have someone that knows their trade and will be able to guide you through the process. Commission info usually has some price ranges implied for you to gauge if you can afford them (NEVER PAY MORE THAT YOU’D POTENTIALLY BE COMFORTABLE TO AFFORD! - more on that later) and also things they’d be willing or unwilling to draw. They might have links in their profile bio to websites like carrd, ko-fi, patreon and so on, where they keep this info, instead of a pinned post or description. Please check the domain if you’re unsure what the website is before clicking any external links. Armed with this knowledge, you’ll know more what to expect when you actually reach out to them.

Keep your options (and mind) open - sometimes the artist you choose might not be taking new commissions at the time, be fully booked or will just decide they, for any number of reasons, are unable to work with you. Have some backup options ready, just in case. Also be aware that the artist might turned out to be a bit different in 1-on-1 conversation than you expected, give you different info than what they advertised (sometimes the posts are outdated because, you know, artists are humans and don’t always keep up with updating their profiles). In that case please keep an open mind but also be wary of changes.

WHAT MIGHT BE IMPORTANT TO YOU AS A CLIENT

Sometimes things that you might want to keep in mind when checking out an artist:

Price ranges - like I said, please be aware that a money exchange will probably be involved. Never spend more than you can comfortably afford to potentially lose. It’s the first time you’ll be meeting a new person, as nice as they might seem, sometimes shit happens and you might end up with either sub-par artwork you won’t want to use or nothing at all.

Payment method - please, please never give random strangers on the internet your personal data, your banking info or data that might make it easy to scam you. Make sure the artist offers secure payment options like paypal, ko-fi, etsy, patreon or other payment platform you actually know or can easily check out before making financial decisions.

Estimated time of delivery - if you’re on a time crunch, have a deadline in mind or just want to have your artwork asap, remember to keep that in mind. Some artists work faster, some slower, it would be a shame if you guys fell out because of a conflict there.

Work model/workflow - does the artis offer steps in their work schedule, like showing you a rough sketch first, then linework, then colors and so on? Or do they just offer a ready piece without the possibility of adjustments in the meantime? Think about how much you want to be included in the process, if you prefer to just let the artist do all the work and take what you’re given or would you prefer to have more specific control over the finished product? Sometimes you need very specific things that the artist might not think about while creating. Or you don’t have a clear picture in your head and will be happy with someone else taking control. Both are fine, but different artists might have different workflows that might not suit your needs and it’s good to have that at least figured out beforehand. Artistic freedom vs. process control and all that.

(Optional) Amount of changes that can be made during creation process - if you like to be involved, if you have a specific idea of a picture in mind or just feel you’d need them, make sure that you can have the option to request changes to the artwork. Some artists have their own ideas about the artwork they create or how much time they want to spend on changing stuff (it might be a tangible number of hours or change iterations) - because, let’s face it, time is money. Similarly, some artists simply like to include their client in the process and would feel bereft without your input. Lack of compatibility in this regard can cause friction and misunderstandings.

FIRST CONTACT

So you found an artist, think you could work with them and want to actually reach out to them but have no idea what to say? Here is what info you should have at hand to include:

Fandom/ship/characters - who, how many characters, is it a portrait, a full scene, half-body capture

Level of detail and style - do you want a simple sketch? A fully rendered piece with detailed shading? Just simple, flat colors with clean linework? A chibi version of your blorbos? This will help the artist to figure out how much time they have to spend working on your idea. You can have ready an example of specific artworks of this artist that you liked.

Description of the scene - think of poses, facial expressions, mood you want to convey, if you want background, specific props to include, text (if any) to include

If it’s a scene from your fic: relevant excerpt AND additional specific descriptions (for example of clothing, changes to the characters your fic made, you know, anything that the artist might not know without reading your fic)

Reference pics - if you have any specific poses in mind, facial expressions, props or backgrounds, it’s good to have at least rough examples at hand to help visualize what you mean. The artist is not in your head, they might not be able to get the idea or might not know niche nomenclature/props and so on. They don’t have to be fandom-specific, you can show them what you like from pinterest, other artists or just google

Deadlines you might have or any additional obstacles that you guys might face on the way, like difficulties in communication

Budget you have in mind - just in case, for when they give you a quote to compare if your ideas in that regard align

Any questions you might have for the artist, like about how they work, if they do half-payments (some artists, like me, require a sum up-front for their work, others just want to get paid after completing the piece)

Keep in mind that not all artists provide info up-front, that sometimes you’ll have to ask yourself. Please be respectful, try not to be too pushy (artistic souls spook easily) but make sure that you know what you’re getting, for how much and that you have at least a rough idea of how the commission will go time- and communication-wise. Make sure that you know if they’ll be reaching out to you and when (-ish, maybe a rough estimate of a timeline?) so you don’t have to wonder if they forgot about you or just ditched you.

SOME EXAMPLES OF A FIRST CONTACT CONVERSATION

EXAMPLE 1

<Client>: Hi! Are you open for commissions right now? I’d be interested in getting some art of <fandom and ship>.

<Artist>: Yep! Tell me more!

C: I need an illustration for my fic, <title>. I’d like a fully-colored and shaded scene of Character A piggy-back riding Character B, like a very happy, carefree scene in a park setting. Maybe a picnic blanket somewhere in the background? I don’t need the background to be super detailed but but I don’t want them to be just floating in nothing, you know? Something maybe like this:

C: <pinterest-photo-of-a-couple.jpg>

C: I really liked this picture you made: <art post link>

C: I’d like to post the fic by <date> so it would be awesome to have it ready by then, if it’s possible

A: Sure, I can do that! It’d cost X amount because of the deadline tho

C: That’s reasonable. Can you tell me more about your commission process? This is the first time I’m ordering art so I don’t really know what to expect lol

A: Okay, so… <details>

(And they got along great)

EXAMPLE 2

C: Hi! Are you open for commissions right now? I’d be interested in getting some art of <fandom and ship>.

A: ya.

C: I need an illustration for my fic, <title>. I’d like a fully-colored and shaded scene of Character A piggy-back riding Character B, like a very happy, carefree scene in a park setting. Maybe a picnic blanket somewhere in the background? I don’t need the background to be super detailed but but I don’t want them to be just floating in nothing, you know?

A: 600

C: …dollars or?

A: ya, $600

C: that’s kinda above my budget, I was thinking more along the lines of 180 - you have that in your info card

A: right now it’s 600 cuz I’m short on cash, you can venmo me.

C: ok, sorry, I can’t do that much, thanks for your time tho. Bye!

(Personal note: See the red flags there? Bad communication, price triple what was on the info card, a payment method requiring your phone number to be out there?

If an artist is rude to you or seems off in any way, be respectful but disengage asap. Don’t get into conversation or try being rude, please remember it’s easy to take screenshots and put them out of context, even if you didn’t have bad intentions. I hope very much that this will never happen to you, but as much as I’d like to pretend everyone online is a ray of sunshine, there are assholes out there and you should try avoiding getting in fights with them. Simply say bye and move on. Block them if you need to.)

IN CONCLUSION

I hope this post helps you guys to make informed decisions. Remember - be kind to each other, keep an open mind but watch out for suspicious behavior. If in doubt: your own gut is your best friend, if something feels right or wrong, chances are your brain already knows but don’t be afraid to ask for advice from friends, discord buddies or, if you feel lost in the sea of Internet - maybe someone in the comments of this post could help? The scammer post I did a while ago has a pretty good comment section so maybe this could become a good helping point with a signal boost.

Also: my commissions are open, too :D

[jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear]

Why do we gatekeep comics?

Seriously. I've been in this fandom (well, the batman rogues side of it) for years, since '15 actually. It's crazy how often I run across a post that basically says "fandom has bad reading comprehension and valid interpretations of these characters come from me"

Do ya'll realize how snobby that sounds?

Let me tell ya, comics are NOT an easy medium to get into. I'm going to be using Jonathan Crane as my example, because that's my blog's whole thing. Speaking him alone, there's at least eight origins, dozens of verses, multiple versions and stories -- and yes, some do contradict each other. And that's a medium popularity rogue, what if we're talking Jason Todd or Joker? Even Bruce Wayne's set in stone origin can vary from comic to comic.

While I understand comics need to be read to understand a character to it's fullest, and in no way am I arguing that you SHOULDN'T read comics. What I am saying is, there's more than just the fandom popular ones, and comics are not a cheap medium to get into. (and yes, you can 'yo ho ho' comics if you catch my drift, but finding the obscure issues can someone be impossible even taking that route) Comics costs add up quickly if you want to collect, ranging from two to six dollars an issue and god forbid you wanna collect something out of print that never had a big release to begin with. eBay prices can get crazy, and not everyone lives near a comic book store.

I get asks all the time asking me where to start with Jonathan Crane and reading, but really....does it matter? Pick an origin, pick a handful of stories that may interest you and with maaaybe six to ten comics you'll have a solid understanding of the character. This works for any character btw, you don't have nor should you have to read everything or whatever the fandom considers "the most correct"

ALSO! There's more than just comics, maybe you watched the animated series as a kid and that's all you know! That doesn't mean your thoughts are lesser than someone whose read hundreds of comics!! You're allowed to stick with the meidum you like best, like the Arkhamverse video games or Teen Titans cartoon.

Why do we even push the idea that you gotta research comics for years before you can have an "acceptable opinion" on these characters? Comics are a special medium, they can tell multiple stories from multiple artists and writers. No one comic is above the rest, no matter what the fandom tries to tell you

Just. Have fun with it. Make your headcanons. Read the story everyone hates. Take the horrible canon (Jervis Tetch being a predator, for example) and throw it out the window!!

Do what makes YOU happy. I promise, you're never going to be alone in a fandom like the comics fandom. You're allowed to do what you want, I mean--half the time the professionals wing it and bullshit it, so why can't you???

Anyway, I'm getting off my soapbox for today.

[bishopinblue]

Old fandom drama time!

It has been about 3-4 years since I had been as active as I was in the Nefarious fandom (Indie game/comic). I have gripes with multiple people in that fandom, but one/two of them thought it was a good idea to make a "call out" blog a few years ago about the Official Server, the RP server, SoR, and myself. Unfortunately for them, I remembered and felt the vigor to do what I should have done as soon as this shit was published. 

Let me start this by saying I am about 95% confident I know who is responsible for this blog. Because they thought it was okay to name drop me I'll be doing the same under my assumption and dissection as well.

From here on, my own replies will be italicized to differentiate the caps from text. Please know this is going to be a very long post. 

If you read it in full, thank you for your patience.

So hello chaoticmelody3805 and khimer_zherki. I have full reason to believe you two are the ones behind all this belly aching.

I will mainly be referring to Melody in this post due to the knowledge and proof that she has talked about most of the points in this blog to a near identical degree in private. All the while, Khimer appears to have been more of a support than a driving force. Considering he also hasn't done much harm to me I will be overlooking him. Still, I think acknowledgement is due for my reasoning on this.

To start, I think it is important to mention the fact that I was a mod in the Official Server and only that server. There are some references later on stating I was a mod in the RP server as well, which are false. I was never a mod in SoR and only held a sort of Teacher Role for a whole of 12 hours before asking to have it removed. This was early on when I was still fresh into the server.

With that being said, let's get to it.

Iceberg Post link for reference.

I want to address the reddit post first and make it abundantly clear that the creator himself was the only one with the power to edit, delete and monitor the reddit page. I don’t even have a reddit so being responsible for deleting it isn’t possible. When this iceberg was posted, Josh was the one to see and delete it. No one else. That is the only thing I wanted to address in the opening remark.

These two points have to do directly with the Official Server, as shown in the iceberg image.

"Bugs in the game"

No shit. It's a small indie game with the efforts of a handful of artists and coders to complete it. Even then, the plot was fun, the characters charming, and gameplay was enjoyable for what it was worth. It's the first stepping stone to the fandom and was often asked for a second game. 

This entry is simply pointing out the obvious for most, if not all indie games and is just mean spirited towards the creator for his efforts. 

The comics came after the game, buy the way. The server mostly pandered to the comic over the game. 

"Bot raids"

Bot raids happen on bigger public servers. This is not something that was 100% preventable and precautions were put in place to MITIGATE the amount of bot raids that occurred. All things considered, it would have been leagues worse without the clearances put in place once the initial raids kicked up. 

I say mitigated because for it to be 100% safe, the server would have to be private invite only.

I was a mod during some moments in the Official Server where I had helped think up ideas to help keep users as safe as possible. Once again, not 100% bullet proof and some still found a way in. They were dealt with swiftly each time, however.

Once again, only applicable to the Official Server.

"Important comics are Patreon exclusive"

The creator does these comics and the game as FREELANCE WORK. Of course he has the right to put some of the content behind a paywall! It's his main source of income! You and other users like you are lucky there was even a public version of the comic. 

Instead of complaining about a freelance artist asking for compensation for their creations, maybe you should be happy with the free material he gives you in bulk.

"Comic is an incoherent mess"

 This is an opinion, not a fact. Like all stories, some things bounce around and some details are hidden for later. Is it perfect? Hell no! But it's also not a damning factor either, let alone one valid for a fucking slander post.

Both of these points are opinion driven and hold no weight against their argument. Honestly, it feels like it was put in just to be mean and spiteful towards an artist who wants to make a living off his work. Pay your artists and show appreciation for the work they do!

This level can be applied to both the Official Server and SoR, despite one being only for the Official Server in the diagram.

"Bullying fan content that doesn't fit canon"

Josh has been very encouraging to artists and fans to make content they like for the fandom. The only times he has kept his mouth shut on details are for parts of the story that haven't been made public yet. He doesn't want spoilers. 

There haven't been any caps provided to support this claim for him. This can be disregarded as opinion as well.

On the other hand.

SoR was notorious for restricting content allowed in its server, but also had a harsh vetting process that prevented most players from utilizing the creations they made. 

Do you remember the Vetting Document? The one users had to fill out and then be judged upon if their muses “fit the universe enough”? I do. I also remember telling the mods to go fuck themselves because they wanted to change an aspect of my OC they didn't like. They didn't attempt to do that again.

If anything, SoR was much more restrictive in regards to following cannon content and even frowned upon most ideas that didn't adhere to the timeline. The worst of it was when I first joined that server, but over time it lessened a bit as more ideas were entertained. Only a bit, though. It was still a suffocating environment to play in thanks to the regulations and time slots for rping.

"Gaslighting"

For something as serious an accusation as this is, there are no caps. No proof. No nothing. 

If anything, that makes this a null point too. To accuse someone of gaslighting, there needs to be proof or examples given. You have provided none.

Speaking for myself, I would say I was a victim to this multiple times in SoR. By mods and users alike. Even in the three posts of this blog it's present. It did lasting damage to my mental health and stability. So, while I will not acknowledge this point due to lack of proof, I will agree that it was done to me in SoR and the after effects show in my daily life. This is my own opinion in return for yours. Tit for tat.

"Comic released on Pride Month about an 'insane' character with rainbow hair"

One of the other mods answered this more gracefully than I could. A copy and paste of their answer is below.

*Lark does have rainbow hair, and she was in  an asylum, correct. Her relationship preferences are unknown, and she is in fact- not insane- there is plot reason on why she is there, and it gets explained in the very same comic.*

Also, there is a cannonly gay character named Owl. One of Crows brothers. Macks fathers are also gay and married. Mayapple and Malice are also together and lesbians. There is plenty of LGBTQ representation in his comic if you want to claim it's only there as one moment of negativity.

"Being 'Progressive' for money"

Another opinion rather than a fact. 

The above paragraph shows examples of the LGBTQ representation in the comic. Healthy ones at that!

You can say many of the characters in the comic are touch and go, sure. Something multiple fans have also noticed. But it's not just for LGBTQ ones.

There isn't much development on already existing characters and their relationships outside of Crow. So you can't pinpoint this just to a proposed lack of LGBTQ material when a lot of other characters outside of this lack the same attention. Malachite is a good example! One of my favorites when I was still a supporter.

It isn't being progressive for cash. It's focusing on the main character and developing the world around him. Albeit, in a quick paced way, in my opinion, but not one meant as a cash grab.

"The K&B incident"

This

Is where I get longwinded.

This was the thing that pissed me off the most.

As I stated at the start of this post I was NEVER A MOD IN SOR and was ONLY A MOD IN THE OFFICIAL SERVER. I don't know who started this rumor, but it is blatantly wrong. On top of that, no one had ever come to me to confirm it! This Is coming straight from the horse's boney mouth now. I have no reason to lie about this.

I had just as much power in that rp server as any other user did.

In regards to the Official server, however. 

After leaving SoR, once I finally came to terms with how toxic that environment was and how two faced the head moderator, Fancifool, was, I did still want to rp and interact with some of the friends I made in that rp server. However, I did not want to use the Official Servers rp room as that was a place Fanci could still see me and I didn't want that. I like the privacy a private server gives.

Most of the strife, lies, rumors and manipulation all stem back to Fanci and I believe fully that any of these false accusations were fabricated from her to make herself look better, and me as a monster. (Another very long post for another time.)

Once I left, I kept away from anything to do with SoR and her. I wanted to mind my own business on the main server and enjoy the fandom. Even then, she was the one who persisted in watching and going after me whenever it seemed she could.

From things like trying to sabotage me making a pin design for the Official Server to spreading lies about why I left the rp server, she continued to harass me at a distance to the point my friend, Kaly, had to step in. She came in hot and told Fanci off before blocking her. Approaching with courtesy and a calm nature didn't work before and I continued to be targeted for minding my own business. Enough was enough. 

That is where Kaly unfortunately got her big bad rep from Fanci, despite being more than polite to multiple people who didn't deserve it in the end. The ones who made this blog are examples of some of them.  

That is all I will say about that aspect of my experience for now. SoR was an entirely different kind of trauma I had to go through and this post will never end if I tried to fit it all in here.

So back to the point at hand.

I brought up in the general chat in the Official Server that I was thinking about making my own server for folks who still wanted to rp with me, because I was NOT stepping foot back into SoR. I wanted to gauge who would still like to play with me outside of the server after I left. Not once did I say I wanted it to be a server to rival SoR nor be dedicated to Nef content. And I absolutely NEVER wanted to hog the unused rp channels in the Official Server. The same server they would host an rp in once a week or so as a type of stage to flaunt their writing outside of their server. If there was one thing Fanci loved, it was an audience. Which is also why she got so bent out of shape about the rp rooms being archived.

Fanci took this turn of events as me trying to undermine her stage, despite me saying that was not its intended purpose. She went to the SoR server owner and made up the hairbrained assumption, that you typed in this post, to get people riled up. 

As a matter of fact, I still have the original transcript of the ENTIRE CONVERSATION IN THE MOD ROOM THAT OCCURED ABOUT IT!

I was at work at the time and couldn't join in until the very end, but I think this speaks for itself well enough on how little these people actually listened to anyone other than themselves. I also have caps showing that in their group chat after the fact. 

Also, it was a majority of the OTHER moderators in the Official Server that wanted to shut down the rp channels. I was one of the only ones who tried to convince them to keep it open after Fanci demanded an audience with them. But the majority ruled and in the end I did agree with their choice as well. 

In reality, it was Fanci who ultimately pushed the mods to decide to close the rp channels due to her persisting that it would be unfair to them to have BASIC RULES IN PLACE. Rules you can read in the doc transcript at the end when I was finally free to say something on the matter. Thus, the rooms were archived and a direct link to SoR was put in its place in case anyone still wanted to join their server. That archive is long gone now.

This is just one example of how facts were twisted to make certain parties look better than they were. Making mountains from molehills to make a group look better than another.

TLDR: Fanci made a spectacle over me wanting to see if people still wanted to rp with me outside of SoR, made up lies about what my PRIVATE INVITE ONLY SERVER would be used for, and ultimately why the rp rooms were shut down.

By the way, I still made that server and it's still invite only for close friends. It's called Blue Lagoon and it's beach themed. Don't worry. I'm not stealing her number count.

"Complaints about anything on this being ignored/excused"

Any issues or complaints brought to mods from both servers were handled to the extent they thought it appropriate enough to do so. This isn't their fucking day job! It's a damn fandom server. 

I will admit, SoR neglected its own 25+ page rulebook often so they could keep numbers up. Because I was only a mod in the Official Server towards the end of this shit storm, I don't have much I can add to this point. But also, once again, no caps. No proof. No examples.

Another opinion rather than a fact.

"The Purge"

I was not around for this event and know nothing about it.

One thing I will make very clear is that the Syndicate of Roleplay was NEVER THE OFFICIAL RP SERVER FOR NEFARIOUS!

Josh never deemed it so and never once considered it a direct branch of his server for him to foresee. He has stated this multiple times. This was a self proclaimed title that held no weight in the servers validity.

"Sexualized art"

People make 18+ content. This is universal. Literally every server ever made has this happen from time to time, but at least there exists an 18+ server for the Official Server where it can be isolated to. Whether people use it is up to them. The mods usually followed up about that too. In both the Official and RP servers. Your second post actually proves that on its own.

"Provoking suicidal people" 

I don't think I know of this instance so I'm skipping it. No comment via lack of information and proof.

"ERP with minors"

You can say this was in regard to Dusty and you, Melody. I don't know what really happened between you and Dusty in that timeframe, but calling him a pedophile during a time when he was also young and unaware of some things is downright malicious. In fact, I did the math at one point and I think he was ALSO a minor during that time. So referring to him as the ADULT in this point is painting him in a worse light than he was.

Is he an asshole? Absolutely! I will not disagree with you on that. But I will never label someone something as extreme as a PEDOPHILE unless I know for sure they are one. Going to such an extreme label like this is alarming, but something you are known to do.

It's perfectly valid if you regretted that interaction with him, though! I've had moments like that in my time rping and interacting with different people. There was a lack of consideration from him and that's one of his major faults. He's inconsiderate.

As for how the mods responded to this instance. Once again, I was not there for this and there's no proof, once again.

But if this is true. You did not deserve to be treated like that and their response is more alarming than Dusty's idiocy.

"Exposure to drawn child porn"

My brother in Christ.

This is one of those instances of 'makes a character that's fully grown, but was Freshly Brought To Life recently'. I can't comment on this fully because it is also a matter of opinion in a way. One I also am not fully comfortable with. Yeah. I also don't like this trope. I think it's too close to the line in the sand.

In regards to the Event that provoked this bullet point.

It is so fucking easy to post an image or text in the wrong chat. I have done it so many times because, guess what? HUMANS CAN MAKE MISTAKES.

It doesn't matter if he had to press "several buttons" to post it if he didn't see he was in the wrong server. Which is what he said after it was all said and done! It was a huge screw up on his part, but the big takeaway is he didn't do it ON PURPOSE. He was extremely embarrassed by it after the fact and you even showed that in your second post.

Just say you want a reason for everyone to hate him as much as you do. To make him out to be a horrible person rather than someone you just don't vibe with. Cause my dude, I also don't vibe with him, but I'm not going around making shit up to make him look like a perverted pedo. That's fucked up and frankly you're fucked up for doing that!

"Active Pedophile in the community"

This is literally your last point in Level 5 just jumbled with different words. 

However, I will agree that Dusty usually had risqué muses that didn't fully belong in that space. Which once again, should have been properly addressed by the mods in that server and weren't. If anything, instead of saying Kaly gave him passes for this, what about Fanci? His best friend and overall main power holder of the server who was letting him get away with it long before Kaly even entered the server. 

But once again. No caps. No irrefutable proof. No evidence.

That's all for that post!

Now onto the second.

Accusations Post link for reference.

This part only has to do with the RP Server and the bullshit that happened in it. 

What I will be doing for this post is simply debunking the outlandish claims made in them about ME. I'll explain why they are framed in ways meant to demonize rather than inform of anything actually malicious.

I'm not going to touch the top of this post as it's just another jab at Dusty and his idiocy. The guy's inconsiderate and I'm leaving it at that.

Where I will start is right here.

Allow me to start by genuinely asking WHAT SUICIDE BAIT?????

Where??

Do you even know the meaning of that word because I don't think you do! 

And once again throwing around extreme words and phrases without understanding what they truly mean as well as the extremity of them. There isn't a single instance of that in any of these caps!

The only thing I can feasibly piece together that is close to that is when Dusty say's he's going to kill his phone and then himself.

Out of embarrassment. 

A phrase that is so commonly used that everyone has heard and used it at least once in their lives. No one is being fooled by this. It's NOT suicide baiting. 

I will go over the following main accusation against me (number 1) and why it is completely false, written and framed in a way to try and make me look like a horrible person. I will NOT be speaking for Kaly in this as her experience differs from mine. But I will touch on a few things involving her.

All the caps below are the extent of the conversation taken from this post as "proof".

Now.

I find it very convenient that the actual offending pic wasn't captured and that is because these caps were not taken at the time of offense. Not because you didn't want to capture it.

I know Khimer is most likely the one that took the caps before he left the server about a year or so ago. The reasons I think this is because of two things.

1. The date of each post alone is a baseline. This indicated that these caps were taken WAY after this happened.

I also want to point out how none of these caps are full screen caps that hide the full story and and additional context. To me, that devalues them and makes it look like certain things were framed or cherry picked. Something Melody is notorious for and also did often to make others look like unsympathetic assholes. Notably, something she attempted to do to Kaly and got caught for.

It's manipulation and gaslighting. Something she accused so many other people of. So yeah. Projecting much?

2. If you look at the first cap you will see chaoticMelody's name is one of the only ones that are white. This means that she wasn't in the server at the time of the cap being taken.

Based upon the timeline of her ban and when I knew Khimer also left the server, I can safely assume this was taken during my time still in the server considering my name isn’t in white like hers, but most certainly AFTER she had been banned and Kaly was no longer a mod.

This narrows it down to a chunk of time for me and deduces that it was not taken during the time Kaly WAS a mod in that server. While I was never a mod, Kaly was and demoted herself because she was sick of all the bullshit. She was never kicked from the role. She stepped down herself. I know for a fact this moment happened after she took that step down into just being a normal player in the server too. And if that’s hard to believe, then the proof given isn’t viable either as it says otherwise. I’ll get to why.

And no. The one user below Melody is not white as well. It is a pastel yellow. One of the other tiers they had in the server was that color and this user had it as their main color. The whole role system was a gradient from light yellow, to orange, and then purple. Purple being the owner/mods, orange being the standard users/players, and yellow being other roles like artists, viewers, etc. These were also the main colors of the main character in Nefarious, Crow. 

That's not important really, but just a tidbit of logic behind it.

My username is orange just like all the other standard users. The moderator, Fancifool, and server owner at the time, Lock Jaw, have distinctly different purple colors to their usernames and that is because Fanci was the main mod at this time and Lock Jaw was the owner with the same privileges as the mods. Even when this cap was taken they still reflect that. 

They were the ones responsible to handle this. Not me. Not Kaly. 

If this were the case, then users like MasterofMemes, who was also orange, should have been on the chopping block too, no? And what about the blatant ping in the same color as Fanci and Lock Jaws usernames? Any discord user knows the role color matches the role, so how do you deny that one?

Even then, Memes and Fanci both acted before either Kaly and I did, so in either retrospect, once again, why am I being targeted for hate in something I wasn’t even responsible for, let alone was too late to get to? Is it because certain people coupled me and Kaly together as one entity? You all sure treated us like one, which was just fucking rude and demonizing.

With this information, this accusation that I 'favored' Dusty and let him get away with accidentally posting an nsfw pic in the server flops like a dead fish. 

It’s so easy to take a cap, put it out of context and say whatever hate comes to your brain. But this was sloppy. Really sloppy. I didn’t say anything or engage with you on it for years because anyone with eyes and half a brain cell can put 2 + 2 together to make 4. Well… almost anyone, apparently. 

And allow me to state again, because this seems to continue to not be committed to memory.

I WAS NEVER A MOD IN SOR!

Not once. Never wanted to be. Never was.

On top of this, the event happened in the middle of the day when most people with jobs were AT SAID JOBS as well as school. (Don’t think I need proof of that.) We weren't tethered to our phones for any beck and call that may happen. Assuming people with lives outside of a fucking discord server will come running at any instant is, frankly, ridiculous.

But it looks like it took Fanci and Lock Jaw roughly “2 minutes to get on scene” in this instance. 

It doesn't matter if you have screenshots if all you're going to do is use them to make up lies about someone. None of what you know about me is even close to true. You can’t even dig up one cap that shows my username in the purple color Fanci’s is in because it doesn’t exist and won’t ever exist now because that server is either shut down or private.

Either way, this was a long time coming and I know by now Melody is probably in her early 20's. No longer a minor as you loved to flaunt about like a shield. So how about you act like a big girl and mind your own damn business from now on and stop spreading lies? You must be mature enough by now to do that. After all, your Harry Potter blog has been on hiatus for quite some time. That’s a good sign.

I will never deal with this brand of bullshit ever again. Not from the likes of them or others in kind. If anyone tries to stir up anything else aside from what is already on this blog I will no longer hesitate to act upon it.

If you're done embarrassing yourselves, then delete your blog and never utter my name again.

[ghoooooooooooooooost]

my re-review(?)/opinion rewrite of bsky now that it's been a lil while since i got on it

basically: still has a long way to go b4 i like it :l

(edit - some functions i complained abt not having are slowly being changed ie: the video length is now 3mins instead of the original 60secs)

for negatives:

still missing basic twitter features like gif support n bookmarks (unless you do some work arounds), saving drafts, privs, n vids longer than 60 seconds.

blocking someone does not remove them from your follower count n you cannot softblock or remove them yourself either! why!!

most of the artists i follow on twitter barely use or straight up don't use bsky even if they set up accts.

staff there continues to suck. not banning jesse singal despite him breaking tos + they're still censoring posts of ppl in need of donations by slapping vague no context "content warnings" on them. recently i heard they're mass deleting those accts as well. someone got mass reported for doing daily mutual aid threads too.

you can get your posts auto hit w a content warning if anything that a bot can interpret as sexual is in there (it's not consistent either???)

i never use blocklists anymore bc malicious n false lists made for harassing ppl keep popping up, some of which i've been added to before. i also keep getting added to "fandom fascists" n "bad vibes" ones right next to terfs n rightwingers bc pr*sh*ppers don't like me. you technically can just never check what lists you're on so you don't have to know, but for me personally, not knowing adds a whole can of paranoia bc i'm aware other ppl still praise + use these lists...

^ blocks are public which can lead to the people you block finding out n adding you to bad faith lists out of spite too. plus there's list spam (adding the same person to tons of them at once)

there's follow farmers: ppl/bots who spam follow thousands to 100k+ random users just to get them to follow back (bc theres also a weird thing where some ppl just instantly follow back everyone no matter what - n call u weird for not doing the same thing).

fake accts (not sex bots) follow often just in general; i got spam followed by "sa offender awareness" accts once.

lots of bsky users constantly complain abt having to see politics. any kind of world news at all. which ig it has in common w tumblr

^ my drawing of harry got autoflagged as sexually suggestive; you can see the caption/text but the image is completely hidden until you click 'show'.

*later edit: i eventually found out that "sexually suggestive (cartoon)" is on a separate page from "sexually suggestive" so i could change how the post appears to me; making part of what i said b4 wrong... but then it leads to 2 different problems (other than being annoying):

you currently can't use the (cartoon) label yourself - only 4 labels are available to users rn n they don't include the ones only in advanced settings. meaning you can still get forcefully labeled by the mod bot, which could make ppl think you were "too lazy" to do it yourself n then block you

having your moderation settings on "show" instead of "warn" will make the labels on ppl's posts entirely invisible to you all together. the only reason that i could still see the ones on my self-labeled posts w "show" was bc they were my own ig? which can lead to ppl seeing you unknowingly rting unlabeled posts n blocking you

^ a whole profile that has been flagged with just "content warning". entire posts are completely hidden. this was someone asking for donations

for remaining positives:

hashtags work; links don't suppress

you can get rid of the discover tab

you can add warning labels to your posts (though there's not enough options)

muting words is still pretty nice

ig it'll cut down your socmed time?

some ppl like the fact that there's no algo

there's no elon or grok

all in all i feel like ppl who praise this site a lot just miss twitter but don't wanna stay there. which is totally fair? though some of them will call anyone who still has twitter a n*zi now. also, i think more users who crosspost between both sites would be willing to make a complete move if bsky had privs

its a lil funny that i've been facing way more bullying attempts on bsky than twit oh well

[imagitory]

i used to be an absolutely MASSIVE harry potter fan and the only reason i don't still love it like i used to is because of jk rowling being so insanely bigoted, but like... i remember for years the fandom treated charlie weasley as aro/ace rep, because even though she never directly confirmed it JKR did say that he wasn't gay but was "more interested in dragons than women", and a lot of people took that as basically the closest thing to confirmation that they'd ever get. this was so long ago that i remember aroace charlie headcanons being the way that i learned was asexuality even was as a kid! i just googled and found an article from 2015 that someone wrote about how charlie was incredibly important to them as an ace person and how heartbreaking it'd be to them if JKR eventually decided to confirm that he got married or something! ...and now she's out here saying gross things about ace people. 🙄 leave it to her to find new ways to disappoint every possible part of her (former) fanbase.

*nods sadly* I'll be perfectly honest -- Harry Potter was my comfort fandom for a really long time. I read the books over and over in grade school as an escape from my problems. The series really got me thinking critically about writing and storytelling for the first time, and reading all of the books one at a time chapter by chapter with my mum really helped us cement our bond through the toughest time of my life. Even now, I can still remember minute details of the Potterverse without trying: I'm the person my friends go to when they have a question about the books/movies or need an answer in Harry Potter trivia. I was the definition of a superfan. Even with all of the criticism the books have received over the years, including the very justifiable kind, I still have always stood by the idea that the HP fandom by and large was built out of people who Jo wasn't writing for (such as members of the LGBT+ community) and who better internalized her books' messages of tolerance, diversity, and love than she ever did. The books themselves inspired a lot of people just like me, and so although I haven't spent a cent on anything Harry-Potter-related in years, I've tried to enjoy what I used to love so much about the series with like-minded fans while also actively condemning She Who Must Not Named at every opportunity. I even made a whole blog for my OC's in the Harry Potter universe that I poured my soul into for several years, many of whom are LGBT+. And I have always silently thanked whatever entity of hope and resilience smiled on me whenever I receive another comment for that stupidly long Gordon Ramsay/Harry Potter fic I wrote all those years ago that actually has managed to touch others. I will always be grateful for that, and to all of the people who've read and supported Lack of Lamb Sauce, no matter how much time goes by or how much of a spiteful river troll Rowling deteriorates into.

Recently, though, even that's been really hard for me. I will still talk about the series with other fans when prompted and I'll still enjoy it with the kids I see at work who wear Potter merch completely naive to its creator's BS...but on Tumblr, I almost never seek out Harry Potter stuff to reblog anymore. I haven't written as much for my old OC's either, in part because I've been working on my first original novel, but also because the pain is just too real, a lot of the time. The pain knowing that even just enjoying something that was so formative to my identity, personal writing style, and close relationship with my mother has been so poisoned by its creator actively using the money she's made off of her creation to hurt people. Separating art from the artist is possible to a degree, and again, I will probably always have some love in my heart for the Harry Potter series. I frankly think it might be easier to reflect more fairly on the books again when its creator is dead and not forcefully egging on the flames of hatred for anyone she has deemed is a threat to her very narrow definition of womanhood, because I think the active harm JKR is causing might make it harder for some people to appreciate any part of what she created. But a piece of art can be good, clever, or even just emotionally impactful even while the artist is a garbage person.

To Charlie specifically, though, yeah, I'd always interpreted Jo's words as signalling that too! People even now associate ace people with dragons, and I'm honestly not sure if it's a chicken or egg situation where the "ace people like dragons" idea was prompted in part because of Charlie Weasley or if the idea already was around and Charlie's lack of romantic interest just fueled that fire, but either way, it would say a lot about how much the HP community ran with that interpretation. But yeah, considering I'm an ace person who was similarly active in the HP fandom, I can say definitively that I'm not happy. Not really surprised at this stage, given that Jo has practically insulted everyone who isn't a white cisgender straight TERF by this point...but reading her posts did still elicit a rather weary sigh from me.

[au-mashup-party]

Man, I still can’t believe tomorrow is this blog’s three year anniversary that’s crazy bruh! This has got me wondering how much time I’ve cherished (and wasted) giving it all I got. I always believed that to be a good artist, you had to be popular by a large group of people, I assumed that’s just how the art community works.

But your comments made me realize something else i’ve been ignoring this whole time. Sometimes that’s just how it is with being an artist, and that’s okay! And I shouldn’t feel discouraged about something that’s supposed to make me happy.

Drawing is really all I know, my purpose in life was to draw and discover new things that were out of my comfort zone. My heart will always belong to digital and traditional art, no matter who tells me differently.

Canceling Microtale has hurt me a lot more than it hurts some of you, at the time it was my only escape to flee the overwhelming expectations of being a young adult and jumping into the world of imagination and creativity.

This blog helped me understand my purpose more, and has now inspired me to be more open to new ideas that don’t just revolve around the Undertale Fandom. Yet it feels like I’m sort of….stuck, you know what I mean? Like I’m just throwing it all away for something else. My growth, my characters, their stories and development, what will it mean if I just hit the delete button?

I always saw Micro as a son the more I kept drawing him, and now it feels like I just lost that son of mine despite the fact he isn’t a real person. Sometimes when you feel that special bond with a character, you develop an understanding and connection to said character. The only thing you can do behind the screen is root for them, and as the creator, you have to know them better than anyone.

It was an interesting journey watching him grow up, make new friends, marrying the love of his life and starting a family. And despite not being real, he will always and forever be real to me.

Micro my dear boy, thank you for the best three years I can ever ask for, I would never forget you for this. Your time is done now, it is time for me to move on and start anew.

-Crayon