#and it just doesnt hook me
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living in the inbetween hell where I dont hate or love ttpd enough to agree with anyone on the dash so im just sort of flinching whenever I see a post about it from any side
#barry.txt#taylor swift#im not disappointed bc i didnt have the highest expectations for ttpd#but im also not wowed#a lot of the songs are fun and interesting but the writing on most of these tracks structurally is hanging by a thread#a lot of the rhyme schemes are bizarre and awkward#in my least favorite taylor style where it feels like shes barely stringing them together into these sort of purple prose poems#where she really just wants to fit in words she likes to the detriment of the lyric itself#a lot of jacks production feels unfinished and unimpactful esp compared to waht we know he can do#it feels like a lot of interesting songs that only got like one or two drafts before getting recorded#and it just doesnt hook me#however i do like the songs other ppl hate#and i love that she gave a massive middle finger to the fandom even if its 100% not going to stick#and i love florence and a lot of the second album#i like i hate it here even if its weird and bad#i dont think its her most honest vulnerable or human album but it is her vent-iest like shes just letting it all out#idk#i hope she wraps up eras ant the TVs and then takes a looooong break and does intensive therapy and gets into TTRPGs and chills#anyway the black dog and the manuscript and clara bow best tracks. my final message#probably not bc j have so much to say but
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Tony is the man that made Kelsey realize she didn't like men
#ask me my opinions about kelsey tony hook up i have opinions that i have no grounds to have#i think tony and kelsey deeply care for each other but also cant stand each other and its the 50s so people thought they were together and#they were both questioning so they went might as well so they hooked up and kelsey went actually im good forever#i dont want them to get together but its so important to me that theyve hooked up and kelsey instantly regretted it#also its so funny to me if kelsey figures out she doesnt like men and tonys just like heh the old broad she loved it#dndads#the peachyville horror#dndads spoilers#tony collette#kelsey grammar
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so I finished side order recently
#splatoon#pearl houzuki#agent 8#marina ida#acht mizuta#my stuff#inktober piece 2 :)#shoutout to my brother who reminded me i could replay the credits whenever because i had to get some extra refs for eight's model#and saved me from having to slog up the tower again#now if only splatoon could do that for every cutscene eh. please#i want to relive a lot of cutscenes and youre killing me for it splatoon#anyway did you know splatoon's official art has. well it wildly varies from piece to piece#they all follow like a very loose guidelines but also they all split off into their own things half the time#me with seven tabs of art trying to figure out if i want to do lines to separate pearl's fingers: so this one has lines but this one doesnt#'this one isnt relevant to this issue all fingers are splayed'#so in the end i just did whatever i wanted. i think that's a core tenet of art. do whatever you want. forever#also spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out what was etched into marina's headphones#im 98% sure it is the off the hook logo. but nothing save from booting up splatoon and checking myself would say for sure#and i didnt wanna boot up splatoon cause if i did then id inevitably be down a couple hours because 'oh well im here already. one run maybe'#but regardless!! im proud of how this came out even if i was supposed to have finished two days ago to keep with my schedule#especially the bg :) i think i did really good on that.#and eight's little smile i think thats the charm point of the whole piece and it took me about ten drafts to get it properly#i think i did good on that too.#im so enamored with splatoon rn help
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congrats 2 henry peglar for being the only bitch confirmed as to be Fucking That Old Man
#the heron giveth#the terror#alright here come the funny tags#bridglar#briglar#people spell it both ways i think. ill do both hujst to be safe#henry peglar#john bridgens#uh um um. uh#peglar x bridgens#THIS FEELS WEIRD. TO TYPE#bridgens x peglar#alright im done good GRIEF#this isnt even that extreme compared to the shit people are putting on ao3 about these two. god.#anyways hi ive watched this show maybe 7 or 8 times? only just recently have i gotten hooked on them#the scripts make me go nuts too. ''they were lovers in their pasts'' shut the fuck up dont say that to me ill start crying#this is the most risque thing i have ever posted on here#getting out of the fandom game for a while rewired my brain i have to get weird again. and boy do they make me feel weird !#i have a number of terror mutuals who r gonna go nuts over this. fuck yes a little bowl of seeds for me style#this looks blurry posting it hopefully tumblr doesnt crunch the shit out of the quality anyways im done typing goodbye
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Me watching any media that takes place in the hospital and aggressively pointing out equipment I use and stuff I do. Bonus points is they're totally doing it wrong.
#I had to pause my fucking horror movie and rewind to admire the alaris IV pumps#my hospital got rid of mine and replaced it with a shit brand#I miss u alaris come home babey#also nothing rankles me more than seeing the emergency suction equipment not hooked up#like you put the sxn in the background and then didnt even connect it??#what if you have to urgently suction???#its just lazy and it irks me#adventures in nursing#I remember on my first day of nursing school they said 'nurse brain doesnt turn off'#she was right 😒
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reading animorphs sequentially instead of in whatever random order you can get your hands on them is such a trip because you can see these kids getting progressively better at war and worse at being happy, you can see how traumatic events from one book echo into the next ones but never quite get dealt with because these kids have no real way to take care of their mental health, you can see their relationships deepening but simultaneously gaining friction and faultlines as they learn just how far they'd go for each other but also how far they'd go in general...
obviously this series was meant to be episodic in nature, and i actually think that might be the better way to first encounter it, but the arc of the series in publication order is extremely well-crafted
#though im having to take a break#i just read 16 and like. In the context of Jake's endgame it has me so fucked up#i mean it's a lot in itself especially since he doesnt really deal with any of what happened#but also like. him genuinely not knowing if he thinks fenestre killing hosts to get their yeerks is okay ot not?#its a bad turning point for him but also still so much better than where he ends up and im too sad#animorphs#tbh im very [miles studying beter meme] about this#its so good at establishing character and themes#and laying down plot hooks for later#in a format i really dont think about much#Semi-episodic book series arent really a thing anymore are they?
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..
#having a hashtag bad sub moment#where im almost certrainly going to hook up with someone next week#and we're negotiating edging/denial in the days leading up to it#but i know myself and i know that i dont trust their dominance enough to hand over full control#and if i start having worse anxiety attacks from not getting off (theres a correlation dont @ me)#i will absolutely just break the denial#should i feel guilty about breaking rules if theyre set by someone who doesnt actually have claim over me???#my traditionalist d/s mind says yes#but my casual modernist mind says no#anyway if anyone would like to weigh in in the replies please do im curious what you all think
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merfolk in general are just. horrible horrible polyglots. their brains are already hardwired for language and quick language acquisition that remains active all their lives, further helped by retaining a high neural plasticity for their long lives, and especially enjoy complex language and language-based play and problem solving. but they also tend to have a lot of their society arranged where there's often multiple different languages at play within the same area, and only really stops being so once you get into especially small villages that have below the merfolk norm for outside contact. every merfolk alive today knows at least two languages, but most of them know far more than that, especially because one of those two will be the common-technical language. its been standardized and wide-scale implemented across the merkingdom after their dominance, to help bridge the gap between these different languages, basically as a successful version of esperanto. but its a trade language, and is mostly used for information you might want to reach as many people as possible, such as laws or business dealings or public announcements or the like. most merfolk don't view it as and don't treat it as a language proper, and its not what they prefer to converse in if they have another choice, usually finding it pretty limiting and restrictive, which is why its called common-technical.
miranda, being a royal who is regularly in contact with many different people around the merkingdom and regularly expected to be fully able to converse with them to do her job, knows just. so many languages. i might be changing exactly how many soon, but last time i counted it was in the low teens. like its just a perfect storm of her brain being wired for swift language acquisition and having a job that requires it and a position that means shes constantly around people from all around the merkingdom. not to mention having to know english too, which isn't just not her first language, it's not even her fourth language.
meanwhile, aaravi knows english and a little bit of hindi, less because of her mother and moreso because of her nana... its not that her mother never used it with her, but she was. less focused on using it or teaching aaravi, let's say. nana mishra uses it a lot more and is more interested in teaching aaravi when she asks her, especially in the intermittent period after her mom died and nana mishra was able to come back into her life to help aaravi pick up the pieces (though not after aaravi kind of. got left on her own. for an unfortunate amount of time). its just also fallen by the wayside with aaravi's whole Everything Else and kind of having a hard time accepting her nana's help and kind of being terrified of her (of no fault of her nana's, aaravi's just. she's just really traumatized after Everything, alright. having someone try to offer her help afterwards, especially when aaravi's scared of getting singled out as half human and half monster, is just. it's not something she can bring herself to trust.)
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#miravi.txt#aaravi doesn't trust people doesn't like people doesn't want to be around people#there's a reason she and miranda mutually trusted each other more in immediately having an antagonistic relationship#and its because she just can NOT trust any freely offered help#it HAS to come with a stipulation or a catch#and it was easier if she felt like miranda was presenting the catch upfront#like say what you will about miranda#but she IS someone who screams ''you CANNOT trust me'' on first brush#and exactly in the way you expect: the merkingdom#its not very hidden at all its just not clear which WAY itll fuck someone up#which is ironically also why miri gets frustrated if she feels like someone trusts her too immediately#because like#its right there#can you not figure it out. do you not realize shes got other stuff attached to her. that you shouldnt fall for the bait immediately.#can you not see the hook she'll catch you on. can you not even see her for that much that she is.#this isnt against her role as a royal its a part of it too tbh#the image she presents is very much intentionally both alluring and threatening#awe and fear you know#the royal family wants to be beautiful and great and impressive and far more than you will ever be#and they want you to know if you step a toe out of line they will destroy you utterly and parade your corpse through the streets#its not a paradox its very intentional to keep people on a leash#its just the landfolk who seem to forget that her position as princess is also an implicit threat#which is all distinct from when she wants to be silly and carefree and just maybe. free from that need to always behave properly.#which ironically aaravi also seems to hit far more accurately than anyone else#because she doesnt just want to discard the latter. she wants to discard the former too.#which is why aaravi often teases her at the same time and pokes and prods her#its a playful vulnerability you know. if shes not being threatening shes not being too impressive to touch either.#she wants to roll on the ground and for you to call her so pretty and a silly princess and to get lightly wrestled#you know. its two different things.
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And my thing STILL is that as carmen gets a stronger sense of her past and better connections with her friends and allies the need/desire for Gray in her life doesn't decrease and dissapate, it INCREASES and is refined. All while constantly being more sincerely layered in romantic tones as the show goes on.
#red crackle#red crackle thoughts#op watches#imo you actually cant dismiss it as (well thats all VILE propaganda)#when the show said (and those encounters + possible romantic realizations pushed gray to pull his care for her to the surface)#and carmen knew it was a date! never let her off the hook for that! she knew it was a date and yearned to join him at that table!#i dont think a show so proud of its check->czech joke overlooked that framing#+ minor note even how he goes from she's attractive-> much more serious contemplating on who she is and affection#just because gray would in fact never say 🥺um goodness is important doesnt mean you can wholesale throw out what is happening#during the arc#carmen yearns#and she becomes more and more open about it as she stabilizes#as the shows parallels about love/redemption/and desire for reconciliation get stonger too like#hmmm i hate this show#never am i gonna find this specific kind of absolutely wild that leaves me bewiltered that the show does not in fact work in parts shdjflfk#part 1 is complete onto-....oh wait...oh wait yeah netflix ...#....anyway it has to be them#it has to be the girl who left the isle and the boy who found someone he never expected to love this much
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real
#me in every video game ever where something can explode unfortunately 😔#smosh#amanda lehan canto#angela giarratana#spencer agnew#resident evil 7#re7#resident evil#me in any game where something can explode. either hitting it or yanking it towards myself and being astounded when that. doesnt end well .#the just cause series gives you a grappling hook only vaguely obeying the laws of physics and has such fun gameplay as a result#that said. guess what happens if you yank an explosive canister towards you at high speed using your grappling hook. guess.#smosh games
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kitten
#mgs#revolver ocelot#more painting practice bc i cant sleep#him and his stupid triangle tanline#idk if i like the freckles as a permanent thing but you know he's not putting on as much sunscreen as he should#much to think about when you're under self hypnosis. for some reason#every day i think about how long it took before kaz noticed something was up#or if he knew he was doing it from the start or what#idk. idk. so much of that doesnt make sense to me but whatever. whatever!!#id in alt text#like i feel like he couldve just kept up the lie he did it for nine ye-- [i am dragged offstage by a cartoonishly large hook]#mgsv spoilers#for the tags. if anyone cares
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Love love LOVE!!! when people draw chubby/fat Oswald and they give him these cute wrinkles and rolls and body hair and they give him a streak of white in his hair and give him such a big nose. Like LET ME KISS IT. LET ME KISS HIS NOSE AND HOLD HIM. PLEASE. JUST ONE CHANCE. JUST ONE. I COULD NEVER FUMBLE YOU OSWALD. TRUST‼️👆👆
#I am nothing if not a fat Oswald enjoyer#like sure him being a skinny dude is nice and all#BUT LIKE COME ON THERES NO WAY YOURE TELLING ME HE DOESNT BECOME MORE ATTRACTIVE IN THE FUTURE#AND HIS NOSE#I LOVE WHEN OSWALD HAS A HOOKED NOSE#LIKE I JUST WANNA KISS IT AND HURGRGRHRHRHR HE RHRHRHRHRH#IT MAKES ME SO FERAL#obsessed with him your honor <3#oswald my beloved <3#moo.txt#oswald cobblepot
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theres certainly a lot of interesting room for people to explore in fanfiction of like ‘what if this character was in a different situation how would they act’ but honestly i am personally so much of an AU hater so much of the time. especially when its a work that is largely shipping focused instead of a character study im so often just like ‘no! engage with the source material!’ it just feels like nothing to me once the connections become so tenuous beyond character’s names
i think this happened to me through being a baby communist middle schooler interested in history reading les mis fanfiction. i was always so ‘stop with the modern day coffee shop aus, no i dont care that you did it because les amis canonically meet in a cafe. you’d better start researching 19th century french radicals’
#ive barely read fanfic in years but i started looking for oofuri character studies and such earlier this week and its making#my teen opinions come back in full force. like sorry i kind of just dont give a fuck if theyre not and never have played baseball.#this is kind of contradictory of me when the fanwork i ever was most excited about making was a yowamushi pedal wrestling au#that was semi shipping focused instead of just character study or w/e. but i do think that wrestling maps really well to the type of sports#anime that yowapeda is so that it doesnt feel like its totally disconnected. but in the end that was intentionally a very self indulgent#project and its simply that other peoples self indulgent aus are not meant for me either#plus ig that i have more distaste for stuff that feels like its not engaging with the canonical setting because its inconvenient or require#research so it flattens it to a more stock trope-y setting instead. if youre like really passionate about something else random but that yo#feel theres a thematic hook to in the source material and then put in a lot of effort transposing that you can maybe convince me#cpost
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ive made some playlists i thought i would share if anyone might like some bjr tunes! i have a serious one, a silly one, and one for the nebulous modern au tht lives in my brain
the last two i'll most likely still be adding songs here and there, but the 1st playlist is complete! i'll add the 1st playlist's tracklist+some lyric excerpts in the read more
black black heart - david usher
Something ugly this way comes Through my fingers sliding inside All these blessings all these burns I'm godless underneath your cover Search for pleasure search for pain In this world now I am undying I unfurl my flag my nation helpless Black black heart why would you offer more Why would you make it easier on me to satisfy I'm on fire I'm rotting to the core I'm eating all your Kings and Queens
dark entries - bauhaus
I came upon your room, it stuck into my head We leapt into the bed, degrading even lice You took delight in taking down my shielded pride Until exposed became my darker side
dissolved girl - massive attack
Shame, such a shame I think I kind of lost myself again Day, yesterday Really should be leaving, but I stay Say, say my name I need a little love to ease the pain Need a little love to ease the pain It's easy to remember, when it came
on the bound - fiona apple
You're all I need And maybe some faith would do me good I don't know what I'm doing Don't know, should I change my mind? I can't decide, there's too many variations to consider No thing I do don't do no thing but bring me more to do It's true, I do imbue my blue unto myself, I make it bitter
i think i'm paranoid - garbage
I think I'm paranoid And complicated I think I'm paranoid Manipulate it Bend me, break me anyway you need me All I want is you Bend me, break me, breaking down is easy All I want is you
symphony - dorian electra
Something's funny when I grab my guitar Feeling lonely like a dead shooting star I'm not the only one who's crashing your car (crashing your car) Need something louder just to drown out the scars (Make some fucking noise) Come on, baby, can't you see? (Can't you see?) I'm gonna need a symphony (symphony) And I'm gonna need to hear you scream
lecher bitch - genitorturers
I am the Lecher Bitch and I call on all who feed on danger Taste of the whore. Suffer my seed Crawl with the heretic and the world outside gets a little bit stranger
the bondage song - london after midnight
Innocent child, how you thought you knew me Understood my ways, my dark needs The hunt is not the thrill I'm after I want the kill, the conquest, to be your master Wrap your arms around my pale skin, it's too late to back out you're in On your knees and praise your new lord, deeper now And here's your reward, take me to bed and rip me apart
mercy - hurts
Fill me with rage And bleed me dry And feed me your hate In the echoing silence I shiver each time that you say Don't cry mercy There's too much pain to come
touch myself - genitorturers
I love myself, I want you to love me When I feel down, I want you above me I'll search myself, I want you to find me Forget myself, I want you to remind me I don't want anybody else When I think about you, I touch myself
nihil - 3teeth
Bound by flesh Freed by blood
this s*it will fcuk you up - combichrist
I am a bitch How do you want me? From behind Or on my knees? I am a slut Please hold me down I'll be your noise This shit will fuck you up
you spin me round - 3teeth
I set my sights on you And no one else will do And I I've got to have my way now, baby All I know is that to me You look like you're havin' fun Open up your lovin' arms Watch out, here I come
closer - nine inch nails
(Help me) I broke apart my insides (Help me) I've got no soul to sell (Help me) the only thing that works for me Help me get away from myself
you've seen the butcher - deftones
I wanna watch the way You creep across my skull You slowly enter 'Cause you know my room And then you crawl your knees off Before you shake my tomb
hey - pixies
Hey, must be a devil between us Or whores in my head Whores at the door Whore in my bed But hey! Where have you been? If you go, I will surely die
And the whores like a choir: Uh-uh All night And Mary, ain't you tired of this? Uh, is the sound That the mother makes when the baby breaks
hail mary - skating polly
She got hit so hard she just got up from the ground If she ever hits back, I won't tell Hey Mary, follow me out and we'll never walk back Hey Mary, tell me honestly you'd never want that Hail Mary, trust me, don't look back or it's gonna end badly
if you really love nothing - interpol
When I find my home The next artery Splendid I bled my whole life So it's probably a kiss Goodbye then
tangled up in plaid - queens of the stone age
Come, lets play along And let each other lose A win would cause an alarm Don't matter to me, don't matter to you
spaceboy - smashing pumpkins
And spaceboy, they'll kill me Before I'm dead and gone And any way you choose me It won't be wrong And any way you choose me We won't belong
#black jack randall#fanmix#the modern au is vry vibes based i dont have any real concrete story beats or anything thought out#its just smth fun for me to play around with#the central theme is definitely the cycle of abuse going on with bjr+making him face things+attempt to deal with them#i imagine a scenario in tht au where alex gets rly sick+bjr has to return to their family home+he doesnt handle any of it well at all#i also like the idea of modern bjr being into hook suspension which is vry self indulgent bc im fascinated by it lol#my vision of modern au bjr is an evil femme set to self destruct#i also kinda like the idea of him being a fencing instructor maybe 🤔
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Keep thinking about Dungeon Meshi not bc I know anything about it but bc of what I've seen on my for you. Like. I thought Laios was gonna be the cook because he wants to eat all the monsters but I guess that's Senshi??? He really wants to eat a specific soup again and sometimes he has horns and sometimes he doesn't (this is usually tagged "halfling" what is he. I thought he was a goat man. But sometimes he isn't??? Are the horns fake) There's an elf lady and I can never remember her name but she's gay with Laios's sister and always seems annoyed with him but in a hater friends kind of way. Speaking of haters my fucking favorite is the cabbage patch kid that's actually a divorced 47 year old father of three. He's the party rogue and every gene in his body is the Hater Gene. Laios and his sister get turned into birds but then un-birded and this fixes her shitty eyes. I am experiencing this manga/show through random posts on Tumblr and it's delightful. I think I should watch it
Edit: oh my god the horns are just on his hat. Except I forgot he wears a hat so they just got put on his head in my brain. Nvm I've connected the dots
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#i learned about it from one of my favorite artists posting fanart about it#and then liking those changed my for you page#and then senshi was odd and i enjoyed seeing his massive eyes everywhere just O.O#and then i realized the kid was actually just a kid sized grown ass man and an absolute hater#and then i was hooked and then tumblr started showing me lore posts#s/o to that one post that was the panel of chilchuck swearing at laios#and laios lamenting being cursed out in a language he doesnt even know#shoulda reblogged that one i cant stop thinking about it lmao i love him
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dark souls 4 would cure me
#i just miss the world and the lore so much#its always there to revisit ofc#but i just want more stories....#elden ring is brilliant n i adore it but there is something missing n i cant quite put my finger on it ?#i think its the gameplay it just throws me off and doesnt lend itself well to the way i like to play/experience these games#i still think it's stellar and i will play more probably but#it's not scratching the itch#i legit dont know why tho other than this#i did love it at launch for sure but now that ive stepped back from it im just not as hooked as the others
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