#i really genuinely loathe you

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

oh hey! i was reading a fic the other day where Wangji was once misspelled as Wangu. which leads me to: MDZS Pingu-style??? noot noot!

Do you think love can bloom on the sea ice?

[mummer]

queer being as bleak and genuinely kind of mean spirited as it is... really fascinating stuff. a dialogue between "why can't you just be free?" and "you think you're actually free?" and the answer is yeah you're not. you never will be

[eikichi-supremacy]

crying myself to sleep im so sorry they cut you out atsuko they couldn't handle the cunt you were serving im so sorry but i know i saw you cheer on your son during the dark tourney i saw you hold onto a dying puu i was there i know

[uncanny-tranny]

The biggest saving grace I feel I've done is to get into death positivity, to learn to appreciate death. It's definitely not going to help for many, but I have found that not stigmatizing my own interest and desire for death has greatly helped. Being able to interact with death not as a punishment, but as a way to express humanity has been truly what has made me feel more human. I no longer want to feel ashamed of this aspect of myself, and it's made me want to live. Death has done unto me life.

[girlivealwaysbean]

can someone tell me how to keep going if your hardwork does pay off but you don't feel anything when you achieve your goal just relief and numb again

[commsroom]

the "big picture" - whether that refers to some detached, calculated greater good; ruthless ambition and progress for the sake of progress; or even the dear listeners' cosmic indifference - as an antagonistic force in wolf 359 is so fascinating to me because of the way eiffel as a protagonist is set up to oppose it, just by nature of who he is. eiffel retains his humanity even under the most inhumane circumstances. his strength is in connection, and with that he's able to reach others who share his core values, but he's operating under a fundamentally different framework from the show's antagonists. he can never understand where they're coming from or be swayed by their points of view because, for better or worse, he can only see the world through a close personal lens.

it's an ideological conflict he has with all of them, but notably with hilbert: "you talk about helping people, but what about the real, live people around you? [...] that's your problem. you're so zoomed out." eiffel will never, ever see that "big picture" because he is so zoomed in. at his best, he puts things into perspective and grounds the people around him. at his worst, his perspective narrows so drastically inwards that he becomes blind to everyone and everything else. his failings are deeply, tragically human - they're personal, they're impulsive, they're self-destructive. they're selfish. no matter how much he might try to narrativize or escape from himself, he's still left with doug eiffel: "it's taken me this long to realize that running from everyone else means that you're alone with yourself." eiffel could never be convinced to harm others on purpose, but he has hurt people, and it's never been because he didn't care. the very fact that he cares so much, that he's incapable of reconciling the hurt he's caused with the things he values, is what keeps him from real growth for so long. where many of the other characters in wolf 359 will justify their cruelty in service of something they consider more important, eiffel is so caught up in vilifying himself and the fear that he's always going to harm the people he cares for without meaning to that he shuts himself off from the people who care about him and perpetuates his own self-fulfilling prophecy.

[cursed-spirit-manipulation]

jjk is about a lot of things but most of all with regard to Shoko Satoru and Suguru it's about how if you don't interact with people who aren't in your weird fucked up school with like 10 ppl total on a regular basis you WILL become an incredibly interesting adult in a way that makes people pity you

[pynkhues]

I'm really sorry you and your sister are dealing with that

(no pressure to publish this, not that there should ever be pressure to publish an ask if you don't want to, of course, but just wanted to say I hope you're doing okay)

Ah, thank you, anon, it's okay. It's been a while now (court moves slooow), but we're getting hopefully close to the end. She filed in Family Court December 2022, and we've had about five interim hearings with final trial (finally) scheduled over four days next month, so fingers crossed! But yeah, it's been A Time. He's financially and emotionally abusive against my sister, and both those things as well as medically negligent against their children (who are only six and eight and both have special needs), so it's been....rough. To say the least.

But on a lighter note, have one of my new favourite photos I took of my nephews at the jellyfish enclosure at the aquarium last month!

[thedreadvampy]

it's been a strange arc so far

when I was 19-21 and having an extremely imbalanced relationship with someone in their mid 30s I was like 'we are both adults so the fact that this is fucking me up is my fault'

when I hit my late 20s and saw how young people in their late teens and early 20s seem now I was like 'oh wait I was so fucking young I didn't know shit about my own limits or about managing relationships and I don't know why someone in their mid to late 30s would be into that except for nefarious purposes'

the weird bit is now I'm into my 30s - not even that far into my 30s - and while I still wholeheartedly believe that last thing about how young (and self destructive) 20 year olds are, I'm also kind of like 'huh, actually nobody I know that age has their shit remotely together and frankly the reason this fucked me up is because NEITHER of us knew what the fuck we were doing it how to cope, for different reasons and at different life stages, and there probably wasn't any malice or intent to control as much as there was Blind Flailing.'

[benevolenterrancy]

Hey! Just got a quick question. If tumblr were to disappear tomorrow, which app/platform would you go to?

ain't that the fucking question

At the moment, I have no plans of going anywhere (frankly I've tried other platforms and nothing works for me quite the way that tumblr does) but if I do decide to migrate I'll definitely make a bunch of posts about it so people know. I have people I'd prefer not to leave behind if I can help it...

I've seen a few different names bandied about (cohost? bluesky?) but I know literally nothing about any of them and won't be attempting to learn unless under extreme duress _(>﹏<｡ゝ∠)

If the hypothetical digital apocalypse happened and tumblr disappeared and I needed to migrate IMMEDIATELY, you'd find me over on Pillowfort under BenevolentErrancy, probably. It is literally completely empty, but I made it Just In Case back when tumblr first enacted the Porn Ban and things looked rocky for a hot minute

[phoenixcatch7]

The problem I'm having with one of my stories is that it is compelling - but not clicking.

It's a sephiroth gets reincarnated into mdzs. Straightforward. I've got several branching paths: lwj, jc, nmj (my personal fave) and the jade twins (one mind in two bodies). All five of them have great potential, but for some reason my heart is set on sephiroth!lwj, because the aesthetic is sublime.

But! It's! Not! Working!

My main problems are a) despite similar surfaces, sephiroth has fundamentally different morals and life experiences to lwj and lwjs morals are a huge part of his and wwx's stories. B) I can't NOT have wangxian. I don't ship often at all, but when I do I'm pretty set on it lol. I don't want to deny soulmates. Unfortunately I HATE writing romance. C) I do not think sephiroth should be in any sort of romantic relationship at all nor can I see him wanting one. I've read tons of fics where he is in relationships (healthy or otherwise) and they're amazing, yes, but... Under my pen it's just not in the cards. And I do feel pairing him with wwx would just amplify wwx's worst traits, which is the opposite of what lwj does for him.

Everything's in conflict, but the lure of sephiroths second childhood in strict gusu and his complicated feelings about it, wwx being a perfect mix of all his important people with a spine of steel and righteousness that they all lost as everything fell apart, the relationship between sephiroth and his new mother, and how he'd inexplicably lose her too, the white on white aesthetic, the older identical brother, the cruel angels aesthetic with the benevolent demon, the angst of wwx's defection and death, his relationship with qi as a planet's overflowing life force, the tragedy of the mourning angel, monster x monster.... It calls to me.

But there's also the way wwx becoming a demonic cultivator was so vital to winning the war, and the way that affected things, gave him a legitimacy. Involve the silver soldier, and well. Everything else becomes a little extraneous lol. And sephiroth himself is such a big mover and shaker, I don't know what I could do to manage that without wiping out 80% of the remaining jianghu after the burial mounds siege with sephiroth appointing himself king lmao. He's not the kind of person to make small ripples, you know?

And I'd love a twin jades au to sort of turn the chaos inwards a bit (nmj and jgy would be Excellent foils) but again, I can't separate wangxian and imagining scenes feels a bit too close to incest for my tastes, even when it's ONE PERSON in identical bodies!

It's frustrating, wanting to write a non romance fic set in a love story lol. I just. I hate writing romance. But wangxian just don't want to be parted.

But the image of lwj in the xuanwu cave secretly covering a feverish wwx with his wing, only to notice a handful of white feathers pushing through the black as he unknowingly becomes a better person through showing care for other people, shaking his own deep belief that he is a horrible irredeemable creature incapable of love. Caught in an act of love. Hnggh.

Any ideas?!

[yanoharuhito]

grey really fucked me up beyond belief i am SO insecure about relationships at this point

[fantasticalleigh]

Hey, I love your work, esp your Dramione stuff! I noticed the tags on some of your posts and I was wondering: are you planning on turning Sweet Sacrifice into original fiction? I would be interested in seeing more genre romance in the mainstream

Aw, thank you! I've had the intent of adapting Sweet Sacrifice away from Harry Potter lore and into its own original work for a while now. (I talk about it some on my writing blog here and here.)

I sort of started on this already by working on an AU comic loosely based on Sweet Sacrifice since last year. It covers some of the same ground but the plot has been reduced down to mainly just being about Caius and Isolde (formerly Draco and Hermione) because if I cover anything else from the actual fic plot this comic would be like a hundred pages long. I'm working on chapter 2 of the comic right now and it's at 13 pages currently and about to get very NSFW, but I don't know if I plan to make a chapter 3 to the comic because it's really intensive work, but we'll see. This is mostly for fun but it's also helped me consider how the story might go now that I've stripped the HP elements from it and am trying my hand at world building and developing these characters further into something of my own and not relying on someone else's lore.

(I'll post more of chapter 1 of the comic but I don't think I'll post it here. So far what I've shared of it has been mainly on WordPress and DeviantArt but the full pdf is up on my Patreon.)

As for writing, I would really love to give Sweet Sacrifice a do over and make it a proper horror novel starting at a point before D + H/Caius and Isolde meet. I really want to flesh out the doomed village better and really delve into life before/during the werewolf's haunting before we get into the whole mated life thing.

I like the idea of doing it on my own and just compiling it into an ebook and "publishing" it on my own site. If I did it any other way I'd probably have to change specific/significant aspects of it to keep it from getting flagged or rejected or something, considering the themes running throughout the fic. I don't want to buckle on it remaining horror/dark romance (and the romance is questionable, at that). I don't see my type of work ever hitting mainstream (and I don't think I'd want it to either, to be honest). I don't like the idea of having to really water down the things I write to appeal to a larger audience when I already have you and many others as an audience (who already know what you're in for)!

I'm sort of taking a break from writing it right now because I've been feeling burnt out at how long the chapters have gotten and I still need to figure out the rest of the plot but the intent is absolutely there so I'll get to it soon, I hope.

TLDR: Yes, absolutely this is something I want/plan to do! I've got this story shredded between my teeth and I'll rearrange these letters to tell it in as many ways as I can, and make it my own.

(This was a really long answer to your question I'm sorry T-T ) but thanks for asking!

bonus: i don't think i've posted these here yet but bottom left is a WIP shot of the SS ch. 2 cover and image on the right is a pre-background/text flats layout of one of the final pages from chapter 1. Putting this bit under a read more bc of the sensitive material.

[jaggededges123]

"Sure sex is great but have you ever read a fanfic by an incredible author and then realized they have 30+ other fics in the tag?"

Heavy on that, about you.

First time I read one of your fics I was so sad because the experience was over. Your writing has that quality that I was so sure would never be replicated again because it's that amazing. I say this because usually when I read a fic written so beautifully, the writer is like Bigfoot or something. Hasn't been spotted since 1900s and the writing is so pristine, the fic about to become classic literature. I was genuinely so sad that the experience was over but then when I clicked your profile I saw 200 !?!?!!!!???? HOLY SHIT??

Not only that but the experience never truly ended. It was just another branch on a tree, not the end of the road. If your fics fell from trees instead of apples, Isaac Newton would've invented something beautiful instead of calculus.

Your writing is so wonderful and I wish I could give you a hug for everything that you've written. However many people tell you how insane and amazing you are, it's not enough.

I apologize for the liberal use of improper language. I had no other way to explain it.

anon i gotta tell you when i first saw this i made a very long, drawn out "weh??" sound, i'm so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺. thank you so much for all the kind words!! the feeling i have rn is truly indescribable, but it's very, very good! i'm so curious as to which fic you found me through, was it niecest or a niche pairing or something else i am BURNING with curiosity 👀💖.

i'd love to be a cryptid ngl but unfortunately my brain just won't let me stop. i think to myself, "oh i'll just get it out in 1-2 fics and that'll be okay then" and next thing i know i have like 20 with no plans to stop XD. but! at least that means more fic to share with people who enjoy it <333 and more fandom buds to make <333

i'm really, genuinely so pleased that the rest of my fics have held up to that first one as well 🥰. i really do put a piece of my heart into each, no matter how fluffy or filthy they are, so it's so encouraging to hear that the effort i go to is appreciated <3

virtual hug received <333 and thank you for that, too! you're so incredibly kind to me, giving me such high praise! i will take this happiness, roll it up, and stuff it into even more fic XD <3

[starpros-sunshine]

Actually it is astounding the about of leverage Wataru has on Eichi I think the amount of stuff he could use to guilt Eichi into doing something really speaks as a testament to how much he loves that guy. They've been through All That and Wataru is still so smitten with Eichi if I wasn't so pissed with Eichi right now I would be crying on the floor in a puddle of my own tears.

[muirmarie]

when ur family member says something that should be unforgivable but you already know they're a terrible person and you can't go no-contact with them so you kind of just shrug it off and call it a day lmao???? ye olde "it's not even worth it." ye olde "you hold no power over me" as i skateboard out of the room. that's the ticket.