#i really could write an essay on this

[idjits-areus]

I can see why Dean's the way he is.

He probably thinks it's a lot easier to bottle up his feelings than to share them with others. That way he doesn't have to burden them or even acknowledge it. Because vocalizing his feelings makes them real and if Dean doesn't vocalize it then they couldn't possibly be real. Then it's all just in his head and heart.

This is also a reason why he doesn't like therapy. If he doesn't talk about it then it never happened. And if it never happened then he's good.

John's the one to blame for this to be honest. Dragging them across the United States in search of Azazel, leaving Dean alone with Sam in motel room with him for days with limited money and no clear return date. Dean essentially became both parents to Sam. He had to appear strong for Sam who was so little at the time. And, like, the whole reason Dean became this "perfect little soldier" was because A: he didn't have a choice, B: he learned young to just push down and ignore his feelings, and C: it was a way for him to feel useful and to do something good. A way for him to put all his attention on something that wasn't his mess of a life.

He puts on this brave "macho man" persona all the time because he wants people to see him as okay. That he isn't hurting on the inside. That all the deaths of the people he cared about over the years doesn't affect him. That Hell didn't affect him. Or Purgatory. Or Apocalypse Micheal. Or Mary. Or Amara. Or every single apocolyptic event that happened because if them. And, like, those are just a few things. There's so much more. He rarely lets anyone in through the cracks he has. He doesn't like to let himself be vulnerable. Probably thinks that someone would use it against him, knowing Dean. That's why he has the "no chick-flick" rule. It's not because it's girly. It's because he'd rather not acknowledge his feelings.

That's also why he never truly allowed himself into a relationship after Cassie. Once she left because of what he did for a job, he just didn't have it in him to go through that rejection again with others. Lisa is different. She knew and didn't leave him when Sam got caged. It was actually Dean that left her because he put her in danger. All because he stayed. And to him? That feeling was probably worse than the rejection from Cassie. And I think that's why when Cas truly starts becoming a part of the group that he starts to let himself feel something. Cas was already in and he wasn't going anywhere so Dean could've seen it as safe. I'm not trying to make this a destiel post. I'm just trying to state a point. That the only way he'd feel safe starting anything that wasn't going to be a one night stand was with someone who was already in.

And there's a lot more I could say. Could probably even write an essay lol. I'm leaving it here though. I think that, just maybe, you see and can get my point. That understanding why Dean is who he is isn't hard. You just have to piece some things together for it to make sense.

[k9effect]

Tiktok's censorship of words like rape, kill, murder, abortion etc. etc. as well as censoring hard to hear topics, over the past few years has deeply contributed to the sanitisation of the internet and therefore directly resulted in the birth of "fandom purists" and the destruction of old fandom culture (the death of "don't like, don't read", "ship and let ship" mindsets as well as safe spaces for dark and "immoral"/unethical storytelling i.e "dead dove: do not eat") in a way that has fundamentally changed the mindsets of people who are new to fandom spaces and now view these such topics as wildly inappropriate for any social space as well as deeming anyone who is intrigued by them narratively or creatively as "immoral" and a bad person. In this essay I will

[myoonmii]

He watches him like a ghost

[ai-demi]

I believe it was a divine intervention who wrote Will Solace on the narrative because how the fuck is he so interesting with so little screentime in the original series? This child who lost siblings and couldn’t even mourn them because he was dragged left and right to help, this child who became a talented and great healer at the ripe age of 12 and became a prodigy at 13, this child who kept absorbing pain and pushing down anger, this child who faced his trauma with a Trademarked Solace Smile and makes everyone feel safe besides himself, this child who had to be a dependable pillar, this child who saw death for so many times and had to accept it, this child, this child, this child whom everyone turns to at all times, this child who’s still only 16 and hasn’t properly been himself much because he has a duty that he loves and must uphold—helping and healing, something he deemed he could only do for others because he believed couldn’t do anything else. This child who got so scared when his best friend went missing, when his remaining siblings went missing, when he thought his father didn’t recognize him. This child who swallows his sadness. This child who was afraid of not being enough, who was afraid that people might leave him if he wasn’t—this child was afraid of people leaving him, because his own Dad did, his relationship with his Mom was not told much, the older siblings he loved left him by death, and he was nervous if Nico will leave him too. This child who feared losing the love of his life so he turned to his anger, his rage, his wrath—all pent up and went loose for a few minutes at Night herself and gave her a fucking hay fever. This child who had his own identity, who had and still has endless possibilities regarding who he is, his powers, and feelings yet reduced to just being a silly, goofy, perfect boyfriend healer of Nico di Angelo who never had a bad day and is stable—and some people loathe him for being “Nico’s Boyfriend” as if it’s his fault. This child is William Andrew Solace and I believe none of us has truly met him fully.

[mellounir]

it's all over now, baby blue

[itty-bitty-sunshine]

Me when i draw the same angst for the billionth time

[babyleostuff]

brain fluff rot. cause red hair sulky baby cheol is on my brain.

you were working at home because its a saturday. so while you and cheol is at home. he decided to be clingy while you do your project at your computer. he would pout tho when you stop petting his hair. (so beware!)

- 🖼️

i love your brain so much, how do you always come up with the fluffiest and cutest ideas ever 🫠

okay, so finally the day has come - you and cheol are both at home, at the same time, together. he has a day off, doesn't need to worry about anything (except for if he should get up at 4 or 5 pm or maybe stay in bed for the whole day), and he has a whole day for you and kkuma with no schedules.

except you decide to be a responsible adult and do some work which is so??? hello, he's right there, half naked in bed, all warm, bulky and cuddly, and you still prefer to work on your project instead of cuddle him in your bed. this is unacceptable, and cheol does not tolerate this behaviour.

you don't have to be looking at him to know he's pouting, with his lower lip jutted out adorably (do i have to mention his big sparkly eyes, begging you to come back to bed?). and oh my god, why are you so stubborn? he's been looking at you like that for the past hour and you still don't pay him even an ounce of attention. and choi seungcheol, general leader of seventeen, age 29 needs attention. a lot of attention.

at this point his hands are itching to touch you, like he's practically screaming "PLEASE HOLD MY HAND, BABY". eventually, he somehow succeeded in persuading you to come to bed with your laptop, mumbling something about it being more comfortable than your chair (even though he himself bought that chair, the most expensive one, to make sure it would be very very very comfortable and good for your back).

the second he covers you with the blanket his head is on your chest, and arms are tightly wrapped around you (he won't let you get away for the next couple of hours) (the rest of the day probably), and as a cherry on top he places your hand on his head clearly signalising he wants his head pats.

and you do just that, a bit amused with you boyfriends neediness. nonetheless, you keep patting his head, and running your fingers through his red hair strands that have already began fading, and stroking his cheek, and running your thumb over his hand that is resting on your tummy. all that to make up for the audacity to leave him alone in bed.

dare to stop petting his hair, though, and you're met with a very very whiny choi seungcheol, who starts talking in pout how you have betrayed him, and that you don't love him anymore.

this man just wants to be babied, i don't care if he's a hard dom or whatever - CHOI SEUNGCHEOL IS A SULKY BABY.

EXHIBITS OF POUTY RED HAIRED CHEOLLIE:

[randomminty]

Five billion octopath 2 scribbles i feel sick

[sirnotappearinginthisblog]

writing a sex scene is the same as writing a fight scene, in this essay I will

[thresholdbb]

I'm a Kai Winn apologist but not because I think she's a good person. She's a compelling tragic character

[unwrathful]

tsuna's apathy towards his father, never mentioning him to the others and having them assume he's dead or that nana was a single mother, thinking of him as a deadbeat and actively avoiding him and trying to have nothing to do with him. xanxus's hatred towards his father, leading a coup against him, never letting go of his hatred and then stuffing his father in a tin can that sucks out his life and skipping the inheritance ceremony. the two show that the opposite of hate isn't love, it's apathy, acting as foils of each other. in this essay i will

[gayghostrights]

thinking about John Doe and the dark world as a metaphor for addiction/relapse.

How circumstance and trauma pushed him to do something he told himself he’d never do again, and how he has to live with the consequences and the memories, even though he’s working to not be that person anymore.

And how much shame he carries about the things he’s done, because even if he was pushed to do them, he still did them. To him, he still made that choice, and he has to bear the weight of that.

Thinking about 43, in particular, where the witch is trying to tell John that all he was is all he’ll ever be. That, despite the work he’s put into bettering himself, he’ll only be seen as his mistake in the eyes of some.

And it just feels really meaningful that Arthur’s love is what saved him, in this context. That being forgiven and loved unconditionally, even though he’s made mistakes and hurt people, is how he can cope with the memories of what he’s done. It’s how he can stop himself from slipping back into being someone he doesn’t want to be, even when it’s hard.

love isn’t what makes him better, but it’s what makes him want to work to be better. It doesn’t undo what he’s done but it allows him to live with it.

I just think it’s interesting to read this as an addiction narrative, because so often addicts are dismissed because they’re addicts. Regardless of how much we’ve healed or how far we’ve come, there are some people who will never see beyond our addiction and will force their perspective onto us. Some people hold no compassion for us because they think we’ve made the choice, and think that the harm that resulted from that “choice” makes us unredeemable.

and to see John receiving Arthur’s support and love despite what he’s done, or what he was pushed to do, really reflects how important support is to recovery. Arthur doesn’t absolve John of his mistakes, he doesn’t dismiss the harm he caused, but he doesn’t hold it against him. He knows John is more than what he’s been, he knows John is capable of change and a good person in spite of it, he knows John is capable of being better. Only John can do the work of becoming who he wants to be, but Arthur’s love and support makes the work a little more bearable.

[fairylightspml]

dan saying every song on the preshow playlist is thematically relevant to the show ☹️☹️☹️

[turtleblogatlast]

Things I make for myself when insomnia kicks in

Just a chart about what I wanna change up and keep consistent in my art - I mainly wanna draw Raph with a tail because he deserves one, it fits too well. Donnie gets a long tail too because I didn’t realize how dino-like he looks until I gave him one, and now it’s a must for me haha.

[shepscapades]

shep. i finished xisuma's s8. i am plagued with so many thoughts /silly

Oh my gognfjgmgimfggfmgnmfdnffgh it’s. It’s so much. I have so much to say and so many thoughts they make me so crazy. They make me so crazy THEY MAKE ME SO CRAZY IS THIS THING ON CAN ANYONE HEAR ME

[nimarts]

Anya my friend Anya 💔