#i really am going through it……..

[gongyussy]

“i’m going through something” and it’s the incredible need to impregnate a man

[beloveds-embrace]

(Poly 141 x emotional support omega reader)

The mission was grueling, and you hated it.

Every passing hour in the frozen wasteland tested your patience and resilience- tested everyone’s. You kept up without complaint, truly, the biting cold barely registering against your naturally warmer body though trecking through blowing snow simply sucked.

The same couldn’t be said for the others, however.

Price, Ghost, Soap, and Gaz were alphas through and through, instincts geared toward endurance and strength- like a solid mountain. But even they couldn’t ignore the toll the icy environment was taking. They shivered beneath layers of gear, their movements noticeably stiff and sluggish, exhaustion etched into their expressions. Still, they soldiered on without a word of complaint.

You’d offered to help before- several times, in fact. Because you know, it’s literally your job- but every time, they waved you off, their responses varying from polite to outright dismissive.

“Captain,” you tried again during a brief break, your breath puffing in the frigid air. Your mouth pursed like a wound stitched close, brows furrowing. “Let me help. I don’t feel the cold like you do. I could- ”

“No,” Price interrupted firmly, eyes narrowing at you. Moments like these reminded you that they’d been against you joining their team- saw you as an intrusion upon their pack. You’d worked hard to show them otherwise, but- “We’ve got it handled. Just focus on keeping up.”

“But I-”

“You don’t need to play nursemaid, love,” Soap chimed in, though his tone lacked its usual warmth. “We’re fine. Promise.”

You bit your tongue, swallowing down a retort. Their pride was getting in the way, as usual, and you didn’t want to push too hard lest you ruined the delicate standing you had with them. But it was hard not to feel frustrated when you could see how much they were struggling.

When the storm rolled in, things took a turn for the worse. The biting wind turned into an unrelenting blizzard, forcing the team to take shelter in a decrepit cabin barely standing against the elements. The walls creaked ominously, snow seeped through the cracks whenever the wind blew too harsh, and the air inside was almost as cold as it was outside.

Horrible, horrendous mission.

You sat in your corner, arms wrapped around your knees, watching as the four alphas slowly huddled together for warmth. Their breaths came in shallow puffs of condensation, bodies tense.

You couldn’t stand it. Truly.

“Captain,” you said softly, breaking the silence once more. “Let me help. You’re freezing. I can- ”

“I said no, Corporal.” Price snapped, low but cutting. His tone made you flinch, but you still held your ground.

“You’re going to make yourselves sick,” you insisted anyways, your own voice trembling more from frustration than the cold. “I’m an Omega. I run hotter than you. It just makes sense- ”

“Enough,” Ghost interrupted, tone as frosty as the weather. “We don’t need you to play hero. Focus on yourself.”

“But- ”

“We’re fine,” Gaz said through chattering teeth, though his body was visibly trembling. “Just leave it, alright?”

The sharpness in their voices stung, and this time, you hesitated. It wasn’t like they were wrong- you were the outsider here, brought onto the team as an emotional support specialist, not a core member of their tightly-knit unit. No matter how competent you were, they always seemed to keep you at arm’s length.

Still, it hurt to watch them suffer when you could help. When you wanted to help.

Hours dragged by. The storm howled outside and kept delaying Nikolai from picking you up, the cabin offering little in the way of real protection. The Alphas were trying to conserve energy, huddled together but clearly not doing well. Their shivers had become more pronounced, their movements lethargic, and you could hear the subtle wheeze in Soap’s breathing as he tried to curl deeper into himself.

Finally, you really couldn’t take it anymore. You stood and crossed the room toward them, gritting your teeth. “I don’t care what you say. You need help, and I’m not going to stand by. Let me do my job-“

“For fuck’s sake, sit down!” Price’s voice lashed out, sharper than you’d ever heard it. His glare was ice cold, and it froze you in your tracks. “We don’t need you, Corporal. Stop asking.”

The words hit like a slap, and you staggered back a step. Your chest tightened, your breath hitching as you retreated to your corner.

If they wanted to be stubborn, fine. If they wanted to freeze so bad, then so be it.

It wasn’t until hours later, when the storm showed no sign of letting up, that something shifted. You had dozed off in your corner, curled into yourself for more warmth, when you were startled awake by the sound of someone moving towards you.

Price loomed above you, his expression grim but resigned. He looked exhausted, the frost clinging to his beard making him seem older.

“We need you, ‘mega.” He said quietly, the words heavy; a reluctant admission clawing its way out of necessity.

“What?” you blinked, sitting up. You had drifted off ever so slightly, but now you were fully awake.

“We can’t…we can’t keep this up,” Gaz huffed from where he slumped against the wall, standing up with a sigh. “You’re right.”

Soap, right beside him, gave you a weak, sheepish smile. “Should’ve listened earlier, huh? We’re bloody idiots.”

Ghost didn’t say anything, not like you expected much in the first place, but the way he avoided your gaze spoke volumes.

Without a word, you stood and crossed the room to them. Soap reached for you first, his arms wrapping around you and pulling you close with a relieved sigh. The others followed, each pressing in until you were surrounded by their trembling bodies.

The warmth you offered was instantaneous, your heat chasing away the chill and calming all frayed nerves- scent blanketing them warmer and deeper than the snow itself.

“You’re all so stubborn.” You muttered, your voice soft and scolding.

“Stubborn idiots,” Price agreed, laced with regret. His head rested lightly on your shoulder, burrowing himself close. “We were wrong. Thank you.”

As the minutes ticked by, the alphas slowly fell into a calmer rhythm, their breathing evening out as your warmth continued seeping into their chilled bodies. They leaned heavily into you, their weight a comforting, grounding presence, but your heart felt… heavy despite the closeness.

This was the closest they’d ever let you be.

Your fingers rested lightly against Soap’s back, hesitant to move too much in case you broke the spell. His breathing had steadied, his earlier wheeze gone. Gaz’s head pressed against your shoulder, his warmth a subtle reassurance, while Ghost remained silent behind you, his steady presence both comforting and overwhelming. Price, ever the leader, curled protectively around the group, breaths slow and measured against your temple.

You should’ve been happy, content even, to finally have this moment. But all you could feel was an ache deep in your chest.

This wasn’t permanent.

They needed you now, but it wasn’t a real shift. They’d go back to holding you at arm’s length once the mission was over, retreating into their tight circle while you hovered on the outside desperate for any crumbs. This warmth, this closeness- this was all temporary. A necessity born of the freezing cold and nothing more.

You swallowed against the lump in your throat, closing your eyes to keep your emotions in check. You weren’t upset at them- not really. You understood; it wasn’t their fault they didn’t see you as part of their pack. But it hurt all the same, knowing that this fleeting moment would likely be one of the very few times you’d be allowed into their space.

It stung because you were a social person, and always knew it, and it’s why you’d even taken up this job. You craved connection, touch, and camaraderie. You wanted to laugh with them, to feel their trust without having to fight tooth and nail for scraps of it. Yet here you were, soaking in their warmth like it was the only drink of water in a desert, knowing it would be taken away soon enough.

The worst part was how natural it felt. How right it was to have them curled around you, their bodies seeking out your wamrth, their presence anchoring you as much as you did them. You didn’t want it to end, but you knew it would.

In the meantime, the alphas were beginning to stir, their exhaustion fading as you worked through the last of the cold.

Soap nuzzled closer, his cheek pressed against your collarbone, breathing in your scent seeping through your thick clothes. “Bloody hell, lass,” he murmured, low and drowsy. “How’re you this warm? Feels like heaven.”

Gaz made a soft, content noise from your side, his head still tucked against your shoulder. “Better than any bloody blanket I’ve ever had.” He muttered.

Ghost didn’t speak, but you felt the way his grip on you tightened subtly, his forehead pressing against the back of your head. Price shifted slightly, his hand resting lightly on your arm as he exhaled slowly, the tension finally leaving his frame.

“Should’ve listened sooner,” Price admitted after a long silence. “Would’ve saved us all a lot of trouble.”

You didn’t respond, unsure of what to say. They were only just now realizing how good it felt to have you close, while you were acutely aware that this was temporary- a privilege born of desperation, not true acceptance.

None of them said it out loud, but the thought crossed all their minds: why had they kept you at arm’s length for so long?

More thoughts

[supertaliart]

I went a little off the rails for a power-point-party, so I thought I'd share. Don't come at me about canonicity. Also yes, I spent hours using illustrator to make pose-able vector mando'ade.

Review from my friend: "I feel like I actually learned something?"

[deathricedrawn]

i'm ready to try

[apostaterevolutionary]

Okay can I be a bitter Anders fan for like. Just 2 minutes here lmao

Cause bioware released some game stats for veilguard and apparently 72% of players redeemed Solas which is like. Okay yeah the game kinda pushes you towards that. But when I think of all the shit I used to have to put up with just for enjoying Anders like at all and…

(This is not me being anti-Solas, I do not care if you love or hate him, but I am gonna say what he’s done is like. Objectively worse than literally every other companion so lmao. And that’s fine! You can still enjoy him! I’m not saying you can’t and it’s important to me that people understand that! I’m just saying he did in fact do objectively morally worse things in game than Anders did and I don’t think that’s really debatable. And I can’t really make my point here without saying that but I do want to make it clear this is not some moral condemnation of Solas enjoyers cause it’s not)

Getting anon hate on the regular, being told “oh you’re allowed to like Anders as long as you regularly talk about how much he sucks”, people gleefully describing how much fun they have killing him ON your posts about the fact that you like him, the devs making jokes about shitty fates for him when fans asked innocent questions about him, the absolute audacity of his writer to say half the shit she did in interviews (about bisexuality and mental illness, most critically), and then being beaten over the head again in inquisition about how Anders is the worst character to ever exist and there’s no redemption for terrorists who lie to you one time in the entire game and he deserves death or worse and that’s it

And now… 72% of people are down to redeem the guy who lies to you for 2 games straight and who did a lot of questionable things that includes creating the fucking blight and. Like. I guess I’m glad that Solas fans can live in a world where they aren’t constantly harassed and can give their ship like. A pretty damn good ending all things considered. And that the devs love Solas and actually give the option for that happy ending and have characters go to bat for Solas throughout the game and the most annoying thing they have to see are people making scrambled egg memes. I would not wish anyone to have to deal with the shit Anders fans had to put up with back then cause it sucked. It really sucked. And I’m glad it’s not being repeated with a different character, if nothing else

But like. Man there really is a difference when the writers actually like the character who does the thing, huh

[vaguely-concerned]

the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)

after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)

the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol

lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him

[padfootastic]

can’t help but think of how, if we choose to go by sirius’ characterisation as a private, arrogant teen who only lets a select few into his circle, sirius’ post-azkaban life just have been such an utterly humiliating experience for him.

especially OoTP. when he has all these near strangers in his childhood house, that he hated and loved and ran away from and couldn’t ever escape. if he spent his entire pre-azkaban existence building a cold and aloof persona, not letting people know what his home life had been like, then to have all of these people get a front row seat to it because of kreacher and portrait walburga’s shenanigans must have been near unbearable. to have the entire order, including snape whom he disliked and mistrusted, hear the kinds of names he’s being called.

not only does he have to deal with the retraumatisation of his childhood, but also the fact that he’s flayed open for everyone to see. it’s not only his freedom, innocence, dignity that has been snatched from him but his privacy also. it’s such a cruel thing to experience, on top of everything else.

to have literal children, his godson who he has been kept away from all this while, whom he presumably wants to be able to look up to him, to have him see into the deepest parts of his soul. to have to be so weak in front of him. not only is he subjected to such vileness but he also cannot do anything about it.

sirius has not had a moment of peace in all the time we knew him. it is indignity upon indignity that is heaped onto him. every other character has gotten a moment of respite but him. it fully breaks my heart.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

With the end of season two comes a second redraw!

[Nov 2022] [June 2023] [June 2024]

[marciaillust]

I added some colours to her :)

[dizzybizz]

"this is regrettably the best kiss of your life, you understand?"

[teaboot]

tranny freak :)

[egophiliac]

so on the subject of the "Crowley is secretly Revaan/Laverne/Levin/please Twst give us his name" theory, I think my feelings are best summed up as "I don't really buy it, but it's funny". like, in all seriousness, I'm not opposed to it; I have enjoyed the writing in Twst so far and I'm willing to trust that whatever happens will, you know, make sense and not be terrible. but I'm just not really convinced by the current evidence! maybe that'll change once we learn more, we'll see!

with that said, may I propose a few alternate theories about the possible Crowley/Revaan connection:

[lazylittledragon]

do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great

i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually

[neymiiie]

I just want to see him again.

[qimir-the-stranger]

We get it, Disney. We get it.

Star Wars is not for women.

Star Wars is not for Black people.

Star Wars is not for Asian people.

Star Wars is not for Queer people.

Star Wars is not for anyone who is marginalized and has different lived experiences.

Nope. Star Wars is ONLY for cishet white men. We hear you loud and clear. We know you don’t care about us at all.

[hexxingcode]

i call this one "god damn it jesus christ i was just doing this to wind down from my other comic why did it take like 2 days to finish" and also "therapists don't take style points so i guess this'll do" and also "i cant fucking use the knuckleblaster it makes me mad" and finally: "bowing back to v2 in the first fight is funny so i illustrated it. theres some other stuff in there too i guess."