#i realize this is incredibly obvious and also something that everyone figured out six years ago but i needed to scream about it

[ln-g]

just watched a video essay and realized how perfect missy's death is in the doctor falls. after the redemption arc this whole season, then the "will she wont she" that is this whole finale, guessing whether or not she'll actually do what's right this time, she chooses to abandon the doctor despite clearly considering it very heavily, and then changes her mind, kills her past self, and goes to stand with him for no other reason than it being the right thing to do. it feels like a very appropriate conclusion, and we as the audience are *so ready for it*. but we (and missy) have forgotten something, haven't we?

because what has the theme been this whole season since episode 6? "without hope, without witness, without reward". so logically, for missy's redemption arc to truly be complete, she needs to be good under these conditions. so let's check the situation. without reward? well that one's easy, standing with the doctor she'd literally be sacrificing her life, doesnt get much more "without reward". without hope? absolutely, nardole literally calls this out in the episode and the doctor agrees with him. even if this plan succeeds, the cybermen will get those people eventually. no matter what happens, they or their descendants will eventually be converted or killed. its a completely hopeless situation.

but without witness? if missy dies standing with the doctor, he'll know she was good in the end. she will have the satisfaction of showing him her completed character arc and having him recognize that she is, in fact, good.

and for the conclusion to *really* work, for her redemption arc to really be fulfilled, that can't happen. we need that second condition, "without witness", to be fulfilled. and so she has to die alone. it's another greek tragedy: it's clear in hindsight that this was always going to happen. it always *had* to happen. as the master says, *this* is where she was always going. shooting herself in the back. her past prevents her from moving forward in a very literal way (and in a way the fact that she doesnt anticipate him doing this shows how much better shes become, shes forgotten she was ever that evil and vindictive) but in a way it only solidifies her redemption. in the deepest pit, in the darkest hour, without hope, without witness, without reward, missy is truly good.

[likeshipsonthesea]

mianmian gets to the lan sect lectures, discovers very quickly that every one of her peers has decided to use this time to figure out how quickly they can get into bed with someone of the opposite sex, and decides almost immediately that she has to pick a suitably unattainable guy to have a crush on.

the thing is, mianmian is lanling jin’s head disciple. she is capable, intelligent, and very very gay. the last of these things she isn’t exactly keen on telling people yet for a variety of reasons up to and including jin zixuan will be so awkward and stubbornly supportive about it and she doesn’t know how to deal with that yet

so when her friends giggle over the other young masters and finally turn to mianmian-- who’s trying to memorize at least some of the fifty-thousand rules before their quiz tomorrow--and they ask her, “who do you like, mianmian?” she says the name that she carefully picked out of a handful of options.

“lan-er-gongzi,” she says, without looking up from her textbook, and she assumes that will be the end of it. 

lan wangji is both incredibly attractive and unrelentingly resistant to all attempts to flirt with him. she, like half the other female cultivators, can moon over him (or pretend to moon over him) all they want and nothing will come of it. it’s perfect. she’s a genius. the worst she’ll have to do now is pretend to be infatuated with him when her friends start gossiping. it’s fool proof.

spoiler: it’s not

it’s not, no, because her friends are horrible and immediately start gossiping about it to everyone, and usually mianmian wouldn’t care but then jin zixuan finds out. jin zixuan, whose marriage complex is being brought to center stage with the forced proximity to his bride-to-be. jin zixuan, who for some reason decided he has to live his stolen crush-addled youth vicariously through his only real friend that isn’t related to him. jin zixuan, who for some godforsaken reason takes it upon himself to contrive situations for mianmian and lan wangji to be alone together incessantly.

it unfortunately takes mianmian longer than she would like to figure out what’s happening. she’d give herself a break for it-- she was being responsible and studying, thank you very much-- but she doesn’t have much sympathy for her own stupidity seeing as she’s currently locked in a section of the lan library with the second jade of lan

and suddenly, suddenly she’s just so fucking tired. of studying, yeah, the tests here are brutal and there’s no one to bribe to make sure she doesn’t lose points on stupid things, but also tired of lying to the people she loves and tired of training this hard and being an amazing cultivator only for people to care more about her eventual marriage-- to a man of all things!-- and also, let’s be real here, she’s been in lectures with beautiful capable intelligent women for like months and she’s losing her gay ass mind

and so maybe, possibly, as she’s locked in a library with a clearly confused and annoyed second jade of lan she kind of, momentarily, loses it and rants all of this at his steadily widening eyes

at the end of it, she realizes with no small amount of panic that she’s just confessed not only her attraction to women but the fact that she’s been letting wen qing’s ears of all things distract her from her studies. if anything, she’s sure lan wangji will fault her for inattention

but the second jade of lan, after a drawn-out moment filled only with mianmian’s labored breathing and rising panic, simply says, “i understand.”

mianmian stops. she squints. she tilts her head. she squints some more. lan wangji’s ears go pink and just like that she realizes -- “you’re a cut-sleeve.”

lan wangji’s ears go even pinker. he doesn’t nod, or agree, or outwardly react in any way, but mianmian is a capable, intelligent cultivator, and she’s sure of it.

mianmian sighs with a relief she didn’t know she could feel. “thank the gods.”

lan wangji doesn’t seem to know what to make of this response, or mianmian’s increasingly frequent trips to the library following their conversation, or mianmian’s staunch determination to befriend the guy, but that’s alright. mianmian is old hat at befriending awkward sect heirs by this point.

it’s not like lan wangji expressed any desire for her friendship, but the prospect of not being the only one with absolutely no interest in the straight shenanigans happening at gusu lan summer camp is enough to let mianmian ignore his obvious confusion. lan wangji is a great listener and only sometimes blushes when mianmian waxes poetic about the beautiful women she’s forced to surround herself with every day

“no but you don’t understand,” mianmian insists, alone in the library with lan wangji, “jiang-guniang asked me to help her with a sword form. i put my hands on her waist. i said something idiotic bc she was so pretty and right there and then she laughed. lan wangji. i’m in love.”

“yesterday you were in love with wen-guniang,” lan wangji says as he impassively turns a page in his book. “has this changed?”

“no, i’m in love with both of them. all of them. lan wangji. they’re all so pretty all the time. it’s horrible.”

lan wangji presses his lips into a firmer line, which mianmian’s come to understand means he’s repressing a smile. “i’m sorry to hear it brings luo-guniang such trouble.”

mianmian groans, fairly undignified, but that’s a lost cause with lan wangji at this point anyway. “i swear, if jin zixuan says one more bad thing about her i’m going to punch him and marry her myself.”

lan wangji says, “mn,” which mianmian takes to mean that he supports her in this line of thinking, which she finds both quite sweet and ridiculously funny.

grinning, she teases, “lan-er-gongzi, if i do end up marrying jiang-guniang, will you bear witness to our elopement?”

lan wangji’s lips press again, this time in the way that means he’s repressing a frown. “jiang-guniang’s brothers wouldn’t allow for an elopement,” he says.

mianmian huffs. “as if yunmeng or lanling will deign to host our wedding.”

lan wangji appears to ponder this for a moment before he says, “gusu will host it,” and it’s at that moment that mianmian realizes she’s actually gone and fucking befriended the second jade of lan.

what is her life.

of course, it’s not long after that that she goes to find jin zixuan and explain that she can’t make their weekly sparring match today because she has plans with lan wangji (jiang yanli tenderly brushed some of mianmian’s hair away from her forehead while they were working on sword forms and if mianmian doesn’t tell someone about it she’s literally going to explode) and she’s trying to be as polite as possible only for jin zixuan to scoff and pout (”i don’t pout”) and say, “i never took you for one of those women who throw themselves so wantonly at a man”

it’s only for having been friends with this absolutely horrible communicator for most of her life that she doesn’t immediately punch him in the face. “what did you just say to me,” she demands, but jin zixuan just sets his jaw and looks away, flushing down his neck in the way his mother describes as unbecoming and--

and mianmian suddenly realizes that her ridiculous best friend is jealous of lan wangji. 

(in a friend way, of course, he’s like her brother, the one time his mother implied that he ought not get too close to women in case it jeopardizes his betrothal to jiang yanli, he insisted he didn’t have any female friends repeatedly as his mother delicately danced around outright saying mianmian’s name until finally she broke and jin zixuan was basically like huh?? mianmian doesn’t count?? she made me eat dirt like six times when we were kids)

the sheer ridiculousness of jin zixuan, to set her up with a guy and then get jealous when she spends all her time with him

and fuck her, but she loves her stupid awkward ridiculous sect heir best friend and she doesn’t want him to think she’s gone and left him for someone else (gods know jin zixuan’s loyalty complex rivals his marriage one (on second thought the two might be connected)) and so, after making a few quick decisions, mianmian grabs her stupid best friend by the wrist and pulls him to the library

he protests all the way there, but he’s been letting her drag him wherever she wants since they were five and it isn’t as if he’s going to break the pattern now. she drags him to the library and sits him down across a startled lan wangji and then finally breaks and gushes about jiang-guniang’s fingertips brushing her forehead and doesn’t look at jin zixuan once the whole time

lan wangji, on the other hand, sends jin zixuan frequent glances, as if worried on mianmian’s behalf, which is super sweet and also how the fuck did mianmian get two awkward sect heirs to care about her platonically wtf. she spares a thought for her poor auntie, who would’ve loved to have a sect heir care about her niece in much less platonic ways.

at the end of mianmian’s rant, jin zixuan is blinking quite a lot. “you like women?” he asks. he’s always been a bit slow on the uptake. mianmian nods. “you like jiang-guniang?”

mianmian shrugs. “more or less. she’s just really pretty and i’m dying about it. it’s fine.”

lan wangji says, “mn,” sympathetically and jin zixuan continues to gape.

mianmian winces. “you’re not going to be weird about this, are you?”

jin zixuan shakes his head quickly. “no, no-- of course not, i--you know that i--you’re my best friend, i don’t care--what does it matter to me, who you want to--to touch your hair.”

it’s probably the most awkward sentence he’s said to her in years, but possibly more articulate than she’d been expecting. it makes her tear up regardless and she punches him in the shoulder to hide it, and that’s basically how the three of them start hanging out in the library nearly every day after lecture.

sometimes they go to the sparring ground, bc who’s better sparring practice than the second jade of lan? and sometimes (once or twice) mianmian manages to convince lan wangji to join her and jin zixuan for lunch in caiyi town when they don’t have lecture, but mostly they meet in a secluded part of the library where mianmian can rant about how pretty all the women at lectures are, jin zixuan can turn pink whenever she mentions jiang-guniang, and lan wangji can “mn” and nod sympathetically at all the right parts

and mianmian thinks that’s going to be the end of it, they’re just going to be friends now and everything else will move on as usual, bc by some ridiculous trick of fate lan wangji and jin zixuan seem to like each other. which makes sense in hindsight bc they’re both awkward sect heirs who care about cultivation and people a lot even if they’re not great at showing it 

(and he’d never say it but mianmian thinks jin zixuan’s easy acceptance of her liking women is probably the first time lan wangji’s ever seen someone accept that kind of thing before (maybe, possibly, other than his brother, lan xichen seems really cool, even if he does smile kind of intensely at mianmian whenever he happens upon her hanging out with his little brother.))

so they’re friends, they’re unexpected friends, and sometimes lan wangji even makes jokes in that dry deadpan way of his and sometimes jin zixuan doesn’t completely trip over his own words and manages to act like a normal human being and mianmian gets two idiots to care about and a perfect place to vent her womanly frustrations, and she thinks that’s the end of it and then wei wuxian accosts her after lectures one day

“do you like lan zhan?” he asks accusingly, eyes narrowed to slits. “what am i even asking, of course you like lan zhan, but do you like-like him?”

mianmian thinks sadly to herself that she’s much too into women to be dealing with all these men’s emotional problems. “lan wangji is my friend,” she says, carefully sidestepping wei wuxian, who continues to squint at her suspiciously. really, he’d been amusing when he flirted with her, but this? this is just ridiculous.

“does he know that?” wei wuxian asks. “because if he doesn’t, that’s just leading him on, and it’s really not nice to--”

“lan wangji knows we’re friends,” she says, trying to enunciate to get her point across clearly. “you can ask him, if you don’t believe me.”

wei wuxian squints a moment longer before he turns and flounces off. mianmian thinks this is the end of it until she’s accosted again after dinner with, “he said you were friends!”

for some reason, wei wuxian seems even more troubled by this than earlier. mianmian tries to suppress her eyeroll. “i told you he would?”

“but how,” wei wuxian says, suddenly whining. “i’ve been trying to be his friend for months and he refuses to acknowledge me.”

oh, mianmian realizes with a quickly dawning horror. she and lan wangji are not the only cut-sleeves at cloud recesses this summer. (she has suspicions, of course, but no confirmations on any of the others, but this. wow.)

she also realizes, decides really, that she has enough repressed sect heirs in her life and she cannot deal with wei wuxian’s cut-sleeve crisis or his evidently large attachment to lan wangji right now. she turns decisively and walks the fuck away. not her problem.

the lectures end eventually, of course, and mianmian and jin zixuan return to lanling with a horde of golden robed disciples, freshly deflowered and not all together more learned. it’s what, she thinks grimly, their sect leader would want.

the first few weeks go by and she realizes that she’s missed unloading about her frequent and fast falling-in-loves. jin zixuan just doesn’t sympathize right, bless him, and so mianmian takes to writing letters. she sends two without receiving a reply and just starts to write the third when a letter with the gusu symbol is delivered to her room.

she’s almost expecting to find a single mn written on the page-- she would’ve been delighted with just that, actually, the sheer hilarity of such a thing-- but instead she finds several pages filled with lan wangji’s perfect calligraphy.

it’s more than he’s ever spoken out loud, but it seems that propriety dictated that he return mianmian’s extensive letter with one of his own and he’s done so admirably. he responds to the events mianmian detailed in her letters-- most succinctly summarized as, woman are gorgeous and i’m dying-- and then writes about his own life in cloud recesses. apparently, he went on a little night hunt with wei wuxian and also nie huaisang and jiang cheng were involved? seriously, mianmian misses out on all the fun.

he’s also apparently taken in some rabbits, which mianmian immediately decides she needs to see. lan wangji, sitting prim and proper, with a bunch of rabbits in his lap? amazing. wei wuxian would die on sight, she’s sure of it.

he also ends his letter with a warning about qishan wen that has mianmian frowning. she takes it to jin zixuan who reads the paragraph and frowns. “i’ll talk to my father about it,” he says, which she can tell by his hunched shoulders he doesn’t expect to do much.

“talk to your father’s general too,” she suggests, because that man at least thinks with his head and not his dick.

jin zixuan nods but doesn’t hand back the letter. he skims it instead with a barely concealed surprise at lan wangji’s previously hidden expansive vocabulary. mianmian snorts and grabs the letter back. “you can write to him yourself, you know.”

jin zixuan flushes down his neck. “i know!” he insists and then turns and runs away because he’s a coward. mianmian shakes her head, smiling. what an idiot.

still, another week goes by and a letter arrives from gusu and, when mianmian takes it, assuming it’s for her, she finds it addressed to jin zixuan in lan wangji’s impeccable calligraphy and she grins to herself like an idiot. look at jin zixuan, making friends

(she suddenly understands why lan xichen gave her all those intense smiles during the lan lectures)

they go on in this way, writing letters to lan wangji from lanling. sometimes mianmian steals jin zixuan’s letters before he sends them so she can squeeze in some ranting in the post script without wasting a whole second thing of paper, and lan wangji replies dutifully, more verbose than he ever was in person, and it’s nice okay, like. she and jin zixuan have been best friends since they were kids but neither of them has ever been any good at listening and lan wangji is just so honest and earnest in everything, like they didn’t realize that people outside of lanling were actually not always plotting your downfall??? who woulda thunk

and then of course the wens go and ruin everything. they go to the wen lectures bc jin guangshan doesn’t want to “anger our trading partner” like the guy isn’t obviously going to burn carp tower to the ground the first chance he gets, and mostly mianmian and jin zixuan are just vaguely annoyed and put out about it

then lan wangji shows up with a broken leg and a burned sect and they are ready to murder some dudes

after years of breaking in and out of carp tower she and jin zixuan are old hats at this breaking and entering stuff and they manage to sneak into lan wangji’s guest quarters and tend to his wounds, ignoring all his silent glares and ranting furiously about how they’re going to murder wen chao by making him choke on his own dick (mianmian) and how they’re going to war with the wen sect even if he has to threaten his father with acknowledging all of his bastards as proper siblings in public to do it (jin zixuan)

lan wangji just says “mn” and makes various muted, distressed expressions, but mianmian thinks he’s touched.

“are your brother and uncle alright?” she asks, when she’s set his broken leg and forced pain medication down his throat.

“brother escaped with our sacred texts,” lan wangji says. “uncle is... unwell.”

mianmian knows lan wangji hates touch but the way he says it, with this horrible little frown, emoting more than she’s ever seen him, his barely suppressed anger and grief literally making his hands shake into fists, mianmian can’t help it, she hugs him. “we’ll make them pay,” she swears into his shoulder, ruining the lines of his robes with how she clutches at them. “i promise you.”

jin zixuan awkwardly pats lan wangji’s shoulder, which is a lot for him and mianmian spares a moment to be proud of his growth.

unfortunately, wen chao seems to delight in torturing lan wangji on his injured leg and lan wangji refuses to show weakness, which both impresses mianmian and pisses her the fuck off. she approaches wen qing (and her still gorgeous ears, sigh) and asks her to tend to lan wangji, since she’s like actually a doctor. wen qing does bc she’s beautiful, intelligent, and kind and mianmian spends most of that night sighing deeply as she relates this to a significantly drugged lan wangji

the cave of the xuanwu goes about the same as you’d expect. wei wuxian saving her from getting her face branded off is pretty rad of him, though he could’ve just like knocked the brand away instead of throwing himself in front of it but whatever, you do you boo. when lan wangji gets left behind the two of them don’t even have to wait for jiang cheng to grumble and ask for their help, they’re already on their way to carp tower for an army, thank you very much

when they rescue wei wuxian and lan wangji and lan wangji immediately turns to walk back to cloud recesses on a broken leg mianmian says, “fuck no, that’s not happening, you’re getting medical attention and then someone will fly you back home, okay, wtf wangji, sit down.”

and lan wangji is a stubborn bitch so obvs he’s like no but he’s also severely starved, dehydrated, and injured, so it’s not like he can just shake off mianmian holding him down and this goes on long enough for wei wuxian to wake up and see mianmian touching lan wangji, and something in his poor little brain just like breaks and he demands says, “lan zhan, come back to lotus pier with us.”

his argument, as he explains it, is that lotus pier is closer (it’s not; they’re just as close to carp tower as lotus pier) and that it’s closer to gusu for when lan wangji has to return home (it’s not; same deal) but then jiang cheng starts yelling, possibly in support possibly not mianmian’s not sure, and jin zixuan starts getting awkward, probably about the whole golden army behind him bc he’s a nerd and hates being overdressed at functions (this is basically the same thing), and mianmian looks at lan wangji and she sees--

something. she isn’t sure what exactly, but lan wangji looks at wei wuxian as he argues with his brother and he presses his lips into a thin line in the way that means he wants to smile and mianmian thinks, oh. maybe wei wuxian isn’t completely unrequited in his lan wangji obsession.

growing up in lanling, she knows how to use information to her advantage, so she immediately says, “young masters wei and jiang, what a great idea. lanling’s disciples would be pleased to accompany you and second young master lan to lotus pier to ensure everyone’s safe arrival.”

everyone splutters, indignant, confused, awkward (jiang cheng, wei wuxian, and jin zixuan, respectively) but lan wangji narrows his eyes at mianmian and doesn’t try to convince her to let him walk to gusu again, so she counts it as a win.

sect leader jiang and his wife seem surprised and annoyed, respectively, to be taking in so many guests, but sect leader jiang merely smiles pleasantly and directs them to some guest quarters and mianmian and wei wuxian ask, simultaneously, for doctors to tend to lan wangji and wei wuxian makes a face at her and mianmian sighs to herself that she really is too gay to be in the middle of his thing with lan wangji.

turns out, walking a lot and fighting a cannibalistic turtle on a broken leg doesn’t do wonders for healing. lan wangji is also the worst patient ever, he keeps trying to sneak out and get up even though word came from his brother that he’s safe and alright and that cloud recesses is starting to rebuild after qinghe nie and lanling jin came to its aid and pushed out the wen

but with the combined efforts of mianmian, jin zixuan, and wei wuxian (and even jiang yanli at one point, bc who could say no to her soup??) they manage to get lan wangji to just rest for a fucking second, really which results in the jin disciples and lan wangji staying in lotus pier for longer than anyone could’ve expected

mianmian spends most of her time (when she isn’t forcing lan wangji to just fucking stay in bed) working with the jiang disciples, practicing archery, sword forms, and mooning after all the beautiful women here.

(”lan wangji, i know she’s scary, but have you seen madam yu? she could whip me with zidian and i’d thank her” “luo-guniang, please don’t ask madam yu to whip you” OR “lan wangji, i’m almost positive madam yu’s maids are a thing, do you think they’d let me join them just like once” “luo-guniang, could you please pass me my sword?” “why” “i’d like to put myself out of this misery” OR “she made me soup. lan wangji. lan wangji, i know you’re not sleeping, wake up, you have to listen to me, this soup”)

they end up staying so long that when wang lingjiao shows up threatening a child about a kite while sect leader jiang is away, she has a lot more to deal with than madam yu. since none of this had been a “sanctioned visit” no one actually knew that there was nearly an entire troop of jin disciples staying at lotus pier, so when the wens attack they are sorely unprepared for what they’re going to face.

(and ofc lan wangji breaks out of bed heroically and keeps madam yu from whipping wei wuxian, which means they aren’t down one of their most powerful fighters and mianmian has to suffer through the moon eyes they’re making at one another in the middle of a battle no less, she knew wei wuxian had no shame but she’d been hoping lan wangji would have some)

after the wen attack (and defeat) on lotus pier and the jin’s inarguable part in it, the war starts in earnest. lan wangji, after his long rest, heals fine and goes back to gusu to help rebuild his sect and plan for war, and mianmian and jin zixuan return to carp tower to plan as well, ignoring jin guangshan and focusing instead on his general to ensure lanling supplies necessary aid in the war effort

and war is always shitty, of course, and mianmian hates watching her sect family die on the battlefield, hates waiting for updates after every battle to see who’s still alive, hates the politics and jin guangshan trying to wheedle his way out of fighting when there’s fucking lives on the line

(and she could never know, how much easier it is, with yunmeng jiang at its full strength, with one of the brightest minds of their generation there to plot and help, with two of the best fighters not out searching for someone and instead focused on the front)

they reach nightless city after months of fighting and mianmian is ready to just fucking stab wen ruohan herself when they’re suddenly trapped. blocked in on all sides by puppets, their fallen soldiers rising again to turn on them, and it--it looks like they’re gonna die.

“this sucks,” she says to lan wangji, stifling her fear and choking it down. “i never even got to kiss a girl.”

lan wangji just says “mn.”

jin zixuan, beside them, says, “i was an idiot about jiang-guniang.”

lan wangji just says, “mn.”

then wei wuxian pulls out a fucking flute and a-- floating piece of metal?  the army of puppets and corpses stops advancing, held in place by-- music, apparently? and wen ruohan emerges from his lair, black energy falling off him in waves, wei wuxian the idiot flies forward to meet him, gets wen ruohan’s hand around his throat for his trouble.

lan wangji yells, “wei ying!” and mianmian thinks, really not fair that lan wangji is gonna get a boyfriend before i get a girlfriend

and then wen ruohan gets stabbed by jin zixuan’s half brother of all people. wen ruohan, along with his puppets and wei wuxian, fall to the ground. lan wangji rushes forward to catch wei wuxian, mianmian runs after him, finds herself in company with jin zixuan and jiang cheng. when they get there, wei wuxian is barely conscious but he’s-- he’s fucking grinning up at lan wangji from the cradle of lan wangji’s arms

“lan zhan,” he says, “you caught me.”

lan wangji nods, says, “mn,” which is basically his equivalent of i’ll always catch you, wei ying.

“really,” mianmian says aloud, “it’s so unfair.”

the aftermath of the war is more annoying than the war itself, what with all the politics and in-fighting and jin guangshan trying to be the biggest dick there ever was. jin guangshan tries to name himself chief cultivator in wen ruohan’s stead but nie mingjue suggests jiang fengmian instead and the lan sect backs him. jin guangshan tries to demonize the wens but at wei wuxian’s loud rebuttal and sect leader jiang’s backing (which is then backed by both gusu lan and qinghe nie) he’s once again shouted down. and then jin guangshan tries to propose to jiang-guniang for his son and the poor woman just seems so awkward and her father doesn’t seem to know what to say and--

mianmian elbows jin zixuan whose eyes widen ridiculously but, after another, harder hit, he suddenly stands. all eyes go to him, which mianmian knows he hates, but he bows to his father, then jiang yanli, and says, “jiang-guniang, forgive my father’s impertinence. this is not the time or place to be making such an offer, but he--” jin zixuan winces visibly. “--he knows of my feelings and wishes to make his foolish son happy. please, do not feel the need to respond.”

then he promptly sits down, flushing down to his neck, and mianmian shares a disbelieving glance with lan wangji from across the horrible nightless city palace room.

she’d really only meant for him to suggest jiang yanli answer privately, at a later time, but wow, jin zixuan really went for it. also no way jin guangshan knows his son has fallen in love with jiang yanli, so nice save face there. maybe he has been paying attention in all of their etiquette and political espionage classes.

jiang yanli flushes way prettier than jin zixuan and nods politely, stands and bows and thanks the jin clan for being considerate in this time of turmoil, perhaps they can discuss this matter at a later date (jin zixuan looks like he nearly faints at this, and mianmian feels vindicated in all her forlorn ranting. overreacting her ass)

when everything has been settled, wen qing has been appointed the new sect leader of qishan wen with promises to return land to those who lost it and pay reparations to the hurt civilians, as well as have the yin iron destroyed for good. during the final ceremony where all the sects have tea and pledge to be loyal to one another (until the next great war, of course) mianmian leans close to lan wangji and sighs, “her ears look even lovelier with her hair tied back by her new sect leader hairpiece.”

lan wangji says “mn” because he’s a cut sleeve in love with wei wuxian and has nothing even closely resembling taste.

mianmian, on her own, decides to make them both happy. before the jin clan departs from nightless city, she goes up to wei wuxian and asks for a moment of his time. wei wuxian seems confused but follows and, once they’re alone, he says, “mianmian, are you about to get me into bed, because i must tell you that i am a respectable young cultivator and you’ll need to marry me before--”

mianmian gives him her best unimpressed look (she’s had much practice with it, thank you jin zixuan) and cuts him off with, “i like women.” 

wei wuxian’s eyes go wide. “but you and lan zhan--”

she cuts him off again before he can say something so stupid she has to stop talking to him to refrain from breaking all laws of propriety. “look,” she says, “you’re friends with wen qing. now that she’s sect leader, your brother can’t go after her. i, on the other hand, very much can. if you promise to figure out a way for me and her to get close, i’ll tell you a secret you’ll like very much.”

wei wuxian seems hesitant for all of half a second before he breaks. “tell me.”

“do you promise?”

wei wuxian raises three fingers. “promise.”

“on your sister’s life?”

begrudgingly, wei wuxian nods.

“on her soup?”

“just get on with it!”

mianmian smirks, pushes onto her tiptoes, and whispers the secret into wei wuxian’s ear. with that, she returns to the pavilion where all the sects mingle as they wait to depart, wei wuxian trailing behind her in a daze, his mouth hanging open.

lan wangji, who had been watching since mianmian asked wei wuxian for a moment to talk, frowns nearly imperceptibly. mianmian grins at him and his frown grows.

ah, whatever. she walks over to him, unbothered by the quickly growing alarm in his eyes. once next to him, she turns around to see wei wuxian staring unabashedly. her smile only widens.

“you’re going to thank me for this,” she says.

wei wuxian shakes himself, his eyes focusing, and immediately starts walking towards them.

lan wangji, voice flat but wavering, asks, “luo-guniang, what did you do?”

mianmian laughs, says, “i get to give a speech at your wedding,” and walks away just as wei wuxian reaches them.

(she does, actually, give a speech at their wedding. she may or may not be drunk during it, jin zixuan gets embarrassed for her, and she starts tearing up and has to hide it in the shoulder of her wife’s lovely well-tailored robes. it’s alright, though, wen qing doesn’t mind)

EDIT: now on AO3 with a real fic version from lwj’s pov!

[palaceofpassion]

MAY I stop Time?

A fic done for a friend!  In which May lets her new semblance go to her head.  

“Okay… okay I can do this.”  

Here May rested, her body hanging above the man of her dreams, one of the many people of her dreams but still the only man.  Her eyes gazed upon his delectable form, his toned form gained through months and months of hard work.  His boyish face on the threshold of a chiseled deity.  Nearly losing herself in his gorgeous blue eyes she felt her heart thump in her chest.  Her beloved Jaune rested below her, his body glistening with the sweat of his hard labor.  

Even as she lowered herself upon his lap he made no distinct movements, no signs of noticing her attempts.  In fact he didn’t move at all, neither did the incredibly gorgeous women around him.  Taking the time to handle her nerves she gazed upon the other six figures in the room.  Her pulse raced in her veins as she stared at each of them, bare as the day they were born.  Their bodies much like Jaunes were coated in a thick layer of sweat.  And just like the man below her they made no special attention to her own depravity.  None of them moved, not a single person besides herself were even aware, conscious of her actions.  

Even as she pressed her virgin lips against the tip of his massive cock she couldn’t help but remember the day this all started.  The day that she unlocked her semblance, what felt like so long ago was only a month.  In that month she’d learned to control her powers, learned to use them to their best and make the most out of them.  And what else would she do with them but enjoy her beloveds to their fullest.  And here they all where, here they all sat around her.  

Closing her eyes she pushed down, the memories of yonder days returning to her mind as she did so.

It had been any other day, May had been at the shooting range practicing her sniping, she wouldn’t let that Ruby girl show her up!  Then out of nowhere one of the punks from Team CRDL decided it was a great idea to scare her, so they decided that they’d take a pot shot at her.  In her surprise something happened, before the dust round hit her the world came to a halt, everything slowed till the bullet stopped right in front of her.  

“Wha?!  What’s going on?!”  The normally quiet May couldn’t help but have a minor freak out when she realized the bullet that should have slammed her right in the face had stopped.  After a moment it dawned on her, this was her doing!  Excitement filled her breast as she stared at the bullet, completely forgetting about those jerks from CRDL.  In her excitement she dashed out of the room, not even paying attention to any of the other students as she passed by.  She only had a small group of people she wanted to tell, the most important people in her life.  

With speed that would drive Ruby to envy she found herself in the Library, where she knew her special friends would be.  Spotting them in the distance she made her way forward, the first coming to focus was her most beloved man.  Jaune Arc, the only person who would go out of their way to talk to a wallflower like her.  He’d gone out of his way to talk to her when no one else would at the beginning of initiation.  Being teamed with him had done nothing but cause her near case heart attacks.  She’d pretend not to stare when he’d come out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel.  She was only so strong though, weak willed as she was, she'd gaze upon his figure over and over.  And believe her when she says he’d come a long way.  She still held their first conversation dear in her heart, it was because of him that she’d been able to make such precious friends.  She wouldn’t admit it, but she’d had many an erotic dream about the young blonde… though speaking of erotic dreams she knew she wasn’t the only one.

To his right, was quite possibly the single most gorgeous woman in existence.  A beauty who made lesbians out of even straight women, Pyrrha Nikos.  The all Star Champion, the invincible girl, the untouchable unapproachable or at least that’s what May used to think.  If it hadn’t been for Jaune she may have never seen the real girl underneath, the one who was just as lonely as her, who only wanted to make friends.  They both owed a lot to Jaune, and if she was being honest, Pyrrha was probably her biggest rival for his affection.  At least she would have been if not for her also being a target of May’s pining heart.  The woman was amazing, strong, powerful, glorious, gorgeous!  But more than that she was just a girl, a sweet and loving girl that like herself was just happy spending time with her friends.  

Then there was the girl to his left, the dark skinned beauty Ciel Soleil, her own partner.  She hadn’t really known what to think of the girls when they first met.  But now they were as thick as thieves, even if Ciel rarely ever spoke.  She owed much of this to her previous two teammates, they’d taken the time to get everyone to sit and talk with one another.  She knew that if they’d been left to their own devices then neither her nor Ciel would have taken the time to become friends.  She would have surely regretted that decision.  Despite her cold nature, May knew she cared in the end, she herself was an incredibly sweet woman who May couldn’t help but feel an affinity for.

To Ciel’s own left, there was Penny Poledina, her odd but rather fun friend who had come along with her Atlas.  The two had originally planned to be partners, but because of Ciel accidentally running into May first those plans had become derailed.  Things had worked out surprisingly well as Penny would visit the four of them frequently, becoming fast friends.  May herself was surprised at how quickly Jaune had adapted to Penny’s inquisitive nature, he himself admitted to having seven sisters so he had grown to become rather patient.  She was incredibly adorable, and May couldn’t help but feel her heart flutter every time the inquisitive girl spoke to ehr.

In front of them were sitting the other three members of their little friend group.  One being the second year Velvet Scarlatina, a student who had somehow just kind of drifted into their little group.  May couldn’t even remember when she first showed up, but she was now a full part of their group.  And honestly she didn’t really mind her, though she saw the way she looked at Jaune, not that May could have blamed her.  The girl herself was quite the beauty, her adorable ears expressed a lot of her emotion, and well May would be lying if she said she HADN’T stared at that nice plump rear of hers.  

To her right was another odd one to join their friend group, Reese Chloris, she’d apparently been having issues with some of the girls from team NDGO, and Pyrrha happened to walk by.  Not one to let things like injustice go unpunished, she stepped in and absolutely humiliated them.  It was pretty obvious that Reese had originally joined by the simple virtue of her own lust and admiration towards Pyrrha.  But as time went on she became a genuine friend with the group.  May really liked her style, her mohawk was incredibly stylish, and her slim figure was one that May envied.

Then there was Weiss, the last member of their little group.  Member of team RWBY, Heiress of the Schnee Dust Company, she will never let you forget that by the way.  Or at least she wouldn’t have in the past.  Weiss was honestly the most surprising member of their group, she’d been a pain in her posterior when they’d first met.  Mostly because of how Jaune had been stricken by the young Heiress.  May hadn’t been the only one bothered by this obviously, as Pyrrha despite giving Jaune the go ahead had come to dislike the attention that she had been given.  Then there was the fact that she was quite mean when it came to turning down the young Arc.  He’d only asked her out three times and yet she’d gotten terribly upset with him… she wished he’d been more forward with her or at least Pyrrha or Cie.  Though things turned around near the dance, he’d realized that it wasn’t going to happen he  apologized and even helped push that Neptune guy in the right direction.  That ended up not working out, and well they’d become friends along the way.

She wouldn’t say that she was as fond of her as she was all the other girls, but for what it was worth she was very pretty.  

Even in her excitement she didn’t yell out to them, she hated drawing attention to herself, she was quite literally a wallflower.  Her parents had named her after a mayflower in itself.  Though, as she drew closer she noticed something strange, they hadn’t moved even the slightest.  That… that wasn’t normal, not even in the slightest.  Her confusion grew as she drew closer, finally reaching them.  Then she looked around… no one was moving, not a single person!  “Wha..what?!”  Fear seized her heart as she started to panic, had she done this?!  Did she freeze everyone?!  

“Please go back, please go back!”  Closing her eyes she wished as hard as she could that this was just a dream.  

“May?”  She nearly jumped out of her large jacket, her one good eye opening wide as the other seven individuals watched her with concern and confusion.  “When did you get here?”  Jaune’s warm voice assisted in calming her nerves.  

“I… uhm… I….”  She wanted to tell them about her semblance, this was a big moment!  But… but there was a part of her, concentrating once more she felt the world fall to a halt.  “I… I did do this…”  She’d stopped time!  She wasn’t sure exactly how she’d do it, or what had brought this around.  But this was amazing!  Though… though sinister thoughts fluttered through her mind.  Mustering her courage she walked in between her friends, taking a deep breath she leaned over towards Jaune.  It was quick and small, but she pressed her lips against his offering him a small peck.  

Pulling away she felt her face burn hot, embarrassment flowed through her.  “I… I did it!”  She couldn’t believe she’d done it, she couldn’t believe that she’d managed to kiss the boy of her dreams.  Though one could hardly call it a real kiss, it would suffice for the time.  She wasn’t quite brave enough, nor did she want to abuse these powers.

Moving back to her previous position she concentrated, time fell back in.  “Uh, I… I just wanted to come by and study with you guys… if that’s okay?”

“Of course it is sweetheart.”  Her heart fluttered in her chest as Pyrrha stared at her, her gorgeous emerald orbs peering into her ugly blueish grey.  “We’d love to have you… though it is quite strange how you’d gotten here out of seemingly nowhere.”  

“Yeah dude!  Where did you even come from?”  Reese’ question nearly threw her off.

“I uhm… I just walked over, maybe you guys didn’t notice me? I am really hard to notice. ”  She didn’t mean to get down on herself, and she sort of prided herself in her unnoticeable status.  But there was a part of her that really didn’t like it.

“No… no we would have noticed you.  You’re always noticeable to us.”  All of the girls nodded along to Jaune’s words, and once more May remembered why she loved these people.  All of them, each and every last one of them.  “So what brought you over here in a hurry?”  

“I uhm I!”  In her panic time stopped again, “oh no!”  She’d need to get better control of that, still she watched everyone.  Their lips puckered in worry for her, and then… then a thought hit her.  She could do anything!  Anything at all… so she made her move.  Stepping to Weiss first she gulped, her heavy chest heaved beneath her thick jacket.  Lowering herself she cleared the hair out of her vision.  

With courage that can only be found from her new found abilities she pressed her lips against the Heiress.  Just like her namesake she had a crisp icey taste to her, one that May would very much like to try again in the future.  

Not delaying she pulled away with a small pop, running her tongue around her lips.  

Next came Reese, the exotic girl proved to be quite the opposite, her lips had an earthy taste to them, it wasn’t bad, just completely different from Weiss.  

Next came Velvet, May couldn’t help but giggle against Velvet’s lips which tasted like Carrot Cake.  “Oh Vel~”  Pulling away she couldn’t help but run her fingers through Velvet’s ears, running her nails through her thin fur.  

Penny was next, copper, it tasted a lot like copper… and silicone?  It was an odd combination!  But she didn’t hate it, it was pleasant once she grew used to it and she may have dilly dallied a bit more than she meant to.  She placed another gentle kiss against her forehead before moving onto Ciel.

She took a moment staring at her partners glossy chocolate covered skin.  Oh god she felt her nerves fail as she grew closer.  Unlike the other girls she made sure this one lasted, her lips pressed tightly against the timely strict girl and she kept them pressed for a while.  She enjoyed her flavor most of all so far, it was a cool minty flavor one that sent chills down her spine.  After reluctantly pulling away she moved over to Pyrrha.

Her heart fluttered thoroughly in her chest, like a drum beating rapidly she felt her heart about to explode.  Mustering her courage she actually grabbed Pyrrha’s head.  Puckering as much as she could she pressed her lips, spice and ginger filled ehr senses as she found herself unable to pull away from the exotically erotic woman in front of her.  Running her tongue across her cherry red lips she couldn’t help but enjoy the woman’s plump lips.  

Truly reluctantly she pulled away, her heart thumped louder and louder to the point she swore that she could hear it pumping blood in her veins.  Turning towards Jaune she just went right in, her moist lips crashed against his.  One minute, two minutes, three minutes she continued to kiss him, not even coming up for air her courage turned into a burning fire as she ran her tongue across his teeth.  Pressing on she slipped into her mouth, by this points he was basically tongue fucking him.  She lost count for how long she’d been doing so but she now knew his taste intimately!  Thick ropes of drool rippled down as she pulled away, her tongue slipping out of his mouth last.  “So goooood~”  She wanted more, needed more!  She could always feel the power going to ehr head, but she didn’t care!  For now though… she needed to keep things under control.

Pulling back she made sure to take her original spot, giving herself time to calm her beating heart she finally allowed time to return.  She’d nearly missed it, but several of the girls, and Jaune, had quickly pressed their fingers across their lips.  Velvet herself had slipped her hand across one of her rabbit ears.  Once more time stood still, and a sudden realization hit her, “They can feel it… they can’ feel everything…”  This should have scared her, should have terrified her, but it didn’t, instead it excited her, it sent powerful urges and lit a strong desire inside of her chest.  

Once more taking the time to calm herself, she let time flow again, “I… I just wanted to see you.”  Despite her meek tone she felt far more courageous than she’d ever felt.  The fire that lit in her soul wouldn’t burn away, not for a long long time.  For now though, she’d take the time to practice, to truly get used to her powers.

“Uh… well come and sit down!”  It was obvious that Jaune was trying to get over the strange sensation in his mouth, but bless him for still thinking of her.

A small smile crossed her lips as she sat down with the group, this really was the good life and she wouldn’t trade it for anything… but she wanted more… wanted more with all of them.  It was small, but she knew what she would do.

The sun hadn’t even risen by the time she’d woken the next morning, the excitement of the previous day had truly gotten to her and in her excitement she’d found sleep hard to come by.  Even Pyrrha, Ms. Wakes up before the crack of dawn, was still slumbering, “Mmm~ Jaune not in front of the others~”  

A smile slipped past her lips as she listened to their Vice Leader talk in her sleep, it was a good thing that Jaune was such a deep sleeper.  Though she’d have to talk to Pyrrha about that one day, the girl’s thirst was unquenchable, not like she could blame her.  Jaune was quite the wonderful boy, she’d had quite a few dreams about him as well.

Though… speaking of the boy, her eyes glanced over at his resting figure.  The soft silver light of the moon illuminated his lithe figure.  As her eyes trailed down from his face, to his chest she felt a knot grow in her throat.  Apparently Pyrrha hadn’t been the only one to have an erotic dream that night, with only the moon’s light casting upon him she could still make out his impressive mast standing at full attention.  

Once more she had that sickly thick feeling bundle in her chest, her breathing grew heavy.  Without thinking she slid off her bed, with light steps she made her way over to him..

Activating her semblance the world grew still. Her core grew slick as she drew closer, trickles of warm juices began to run down her inner thigh.  Before she knew it she was already by his side, her hand gingerly pressed against his thick hard member.  Even covered by his rather soft onesie she could tell just how massive it was, excitement began to boil in her core.  

As her gaze fell to his slumbering face she felt herself awash with shame.  Was she about to do this?  This was an invasion of privacy!  Jaune would never do that to her… but… but this could be her only chance… the only times he’d ever get to actually see it.  Then she looked back towards his towering member, she was so very weak.  Pushing past her hesitation she slipped her right hand up his surprisingly firm chest.  Her fingers slowly pinched upon the zipper, the zipper that held her long desired treasure.  

And without even the slightest bit of hesitation or a second thought she slid the metallic key downwards.  As she slowly pulled on the last lock to her goal a thought occurred to her, how was she moving something even when time was stopped?  How could she still hear the sound of the zipper coming down?  She’d have to investigate later, but for now, for now she had a prize to unbox.  

Her heart throbbed in her heaving breast as her goal came into sight, finally she’d pulled that darned thing all the way.  She wanted to enjoy this, wanted to really let the moment sink in.  Bit by bit, she continued.  First her gaze fell upon tufts of unsheared golden fur, “Oh!”  He was as voluminous in the lower section as he was up top.  She’d… she’d love to run her nose across it, take a moment to really enjoy his scent.  

As she continued her venture she felt her boxers wedge into her quivering pussy, she would need to change after this.  Finally she reached the very tip, and with one last pull she allowed it to spring free.  She felt as if she’d used her semblance on herself, her mind went blank as everything stood still.  There it was, in all it’s massive glory, “Could… would… would it fit?”  She couldn’t help but tremble at the sight, both in awe and fear at the mighty shaft that stood at hopefully full attention in front of her.

She couldn’t help but feel in awe of how mighty it was, but at the same time, the very thought of trying to slide it inside of her frightened her.  She would need to practice, need to get ready for when the time came.  But!  That was not why she was here, no she was here to… to… to help her leader!  Yes!  That’s why she’d come this far, he must have been in so much pain, so she as his faithful teammate, had to do her duty and help… help relieve his stress… yes… right that’s what she was doing.  This was for him, this wasn’t for her…  right.  At least that’s what she told herself.  

Once she’d taken the zipper to the very end she had decided on repositioning herself.  Laying herself between his legs, she allowed herself to really get close up and personal with hopefully her future husband’s mighty… p… penis.  She felt her face flush hot at the thought of using the word!  Still… something was odd, she’d tested it before but she could definitely taste things even with time frozen.  But apparently she was also able to smell them, her nose was assaulted by a thick strong musk, one that was mixed with the scent of spice.  That in itself had answered a question that was at the back of her mind, did he shampoo his pubic hairs?  The answer was apparently a strong yes!  

Still… it was impressive, impressive with how even after he’d spent nearly 25 minutes in the shower he still had this strong… powerful… tantalizing… invigorating odor to him!  Pressing her nose forward she pressed herself between his thick heavy sack, and his impressive… massive… gorging c...c...cock… yes that’s what this was!  She felt his flesh move against her touch, she’d almost jumped back when she realized that it hadn’t been as hard as she thought.  Instead she felt warmth, felt his touch against her face.  This… this was good… she’d been worried about how well this would turn out.  But as she took in deep strong breaths she knew it was going to be amazing.  Burying her nose against the base of his penis, she allowed herself the time to take in his scent.  She was practically marinating in it, and she loved every last second.

Her instincts took control of her actions, without realizing it she’d already brought the tip of her tongue to the slit at the head of his massive cock.  Before she could stop herself she’d already moved in to get a taste, running her pink muscle across his sensitive glands, scooping up bits of frozen precum as she dug into the tiny hole.  Once she’d finished she took the moment to savor his thick and natural flavors.  She’d read that most women hated the taste, but she found herself becoming addicted to the salty tangy flavor.  

Once she’d pulled back she took the time to admire the view in front of her.  “I can’t believe I’m doing this… it’s… it’s so wonderful.”  She wanted him, wanted to feel so very full, wanted to slide that thick hard cock between her needy pussy.  She could feel her womb tighten at the thought, begging for her to mount him and breed herself on her unsuspecting love.  

However, she still had enough self restraint, it was too early for that.  She couldn’t let herself be carried away… though… though she could help him out a little right?  He’d been there for her from the very beginning, it would only be right if she were to… were to help him get off.  Just… look how hard… and pent up he must have been.  Right, she was just being a good friend… a good… a good follower!  Yes that’s what she was doing…

WIth her final bits of self control crumbling before her she took the time to move forward.  Once more she placed her nose between his cock and balls allowing his scent to invade her nose.  She couldn’t get enough of it!  She hadn’t realized just how amazing scents could be till today, but here she was stuffing her face into her beloved man’s balls like a… a… a horny little slut… “Ahhh~”  She felt her pussy clench at the thought alone, her body shook with excitement in response.  “I… I’m a dirty… I’m a dirty little slut.”  That crumbling self control was gone, and now only her desires leaked out.  

“I want you to breed me… I want you to breed me!  Breed Pyrrha!  Breed CIel!  Breed Reese!  Breed Penny!  Breed Velvet!  Breed Weiss!  Break all the other girls!”  Her right hand moved to the base of his cock, she swore that the hot burning member throbbed at her touch, but that wasn’t possible.  Her left hand moved between her thighs, slipping between her tight boxers her fingers moved along her plump moist vulva.  Unable to control herself any longer, consumed by his thick musk, she moved her hands in tandem.

Her dainty thin fingers ran along her plump lips squeezing and grinding back and forth.  She could feel herself growing slicker and slicker.  Her nose buried deep between his massive cock and heavy balls she continued to breath in his thick scent.  Her right hand continued to run up and down his thick heavy meaty fat cock, pumping him over and over running her fingers across his thick heavy veins.  Her brain could only think of breeding, could only think of pleasuring the man before her, even if he wouldn’t feel it.  But she did anyways, placing her lips against his thick, full balls she placed several heavy and hearty kisses against them.  From time to time she dragged her tongue across his sweaty savoury orbs.  

She wanted more and more, when her tongue wasn’t enough she wrapped her lips around one of his impressive sacks.  Dragging her tongue against the precious balls of flesh she began to gently suck on them.  Her pumping grew faster and faster, while her fingers continued to explore her nether regions.  SQUELCH SQUELCH SQUELCH   Over and over she ran her thin digits through her plump pussy.  Her fingers began to explore her thin hole, finally penetrating her needy little slit.  She could feel her pussy suck and clench around her fingers, she needed something bigger!  She needed his cock in her, she needed to be bred!  She wanted him to do her, to do so to so many others!  The thought of all of the girls riding this member, while the others watched invaded her mind!  The thought of him putting those nasty girls, those nasty insulting girls that liked to put him down in their place.  For him to have them face down ass up, this MIGHTY cock plunging in and out of their holes as they begged for more, begged for him to breed them like the dirty little breeding sows that they were.  Those thoughts invaded her mind like never before.

She couldn’t believe herself, couldn’t believe how easily she felt she was being corrupted!  But it wasn’t just the breeding!  No! NO! That would imply she only wanted his cock in her!  She wanted other things, wanted to run her tongue through Pyrrha and Ciel’s pussy, to eat them out and savor their flavors.  She wanted to stretch out Weiss and Reese, bend them in positions that only their thin, gorgeous, and lithe bodies could handle.  She wanted to grind with Penny, wanted to get tribal with Velvet!  

Her inner desires burned through, she’d been a good girl!  She was allowed to have these absolutely nasty thoughts!  She wanted more and more AND MORE!  Her suction grew harder till she felt her jaw grow tired, he was so impressive!  So mighty!  Even as she continued to invade her own body, with three fingers invading her needy pussy.  She found herself gazing upon his manly mane, the tufts of blonde hair that called for her to bury her nose into.  Scooting forward she placed her face against his sternum, dragging her nose against his thick fur.  He smelled so good!  The harsh fragrance from his shampoo hit her nose at the same time as his thick heavy musk, built up from the heat of the night.  “Oh god!  I’m so bad~  I’m such a bad little girl.”

She couldn’t stop herself, her cervix opened and closed as she continued to attack her own pussy.  She couldn’t stop, there was no way she could, her juices flowed freely down her thighs, her boxers were practically drenched in her own fluids by this point.  She really couldn’t use them anymore!  It would be too embarrassing, and yet, and yet a thought occurred.  What if Jaune were to catch her like this?  What if she started time up again… oh what would he do to her?  Would he push her down, breed her?  Use her massive ugly tits like… like handles as his thick hard cocked pumped in and out of her nasty… naughty...needy… pussy?  The thought was tempting!  She wanted to do it!  But she knew she couldn’t, she just couldn’t!  She was too scared, absolutely terrified!

Still the thought was there!  The thought that was pushed back into the depths of her mind!  For now though, she felt herself hit her climax, her body shivered and convulsed, her juices oozed down her thighs, her boxers drenched and unwearable at this point.  She fell forward, her chest heaving up and down as she did her best to breath, her nose buried deep against his pelvis.  

As her post orgasm clarity hit her, her face began to burn hot, burned so damn hot.  Her eyes snapped open as she pulled away, nearly tripping as her drenched underwear clung to her body.  Embarrassment consumed her at a realization of what she’d just done.  “I… I… no!  No!  I’m sorry!”  Running towards her dresser she grabbed a clean pair of boxers, she couldn’t believe what she’d just done, what she’d just THOUGHT!  It was… it was so bad!  Burying her face into her clean underwear for a moment she did her best to sling her moist used set down her slick wet thighs.  With a wet SCHLOP her boxers hit the ground.  

She shivered at the sound, her body growing hot as her embarrassment consumed her once more.  Once she’d slipped on a fresh pair, she’d need to make sure that he was fixed as well.  As she began to zip him up once more she couldn’t help but give him one last gift.  Pressing her lips against the tip of his cock she gave him one last kiss.  Once she’d finished setting him up she made sure to hide her… her shameful piece of cloth at the very bottom of her clothing hamper.  

Gently she climbed into her sheets and closed her eyes.  Her power over the world began to vanish, and she’d been prepared to fall asleep when she heard a loud thrashing sound and… and what sounded like a powerful squirting noise!

“NNNNGH!♥!!”  Her eyes snapped open as she stared at the cause of the sound, Jaune was twitching, his upper body jolted upright.  Her eyes glanced downwards as his loud moaning filled the otherwise quiet dorm room.  SPURT SPURT SPURT SPURT!  Her face grew red hot as she realized what was happening!  All the feedback from when she'd been stroking him was finally happening.  “Ah! AH AH!”  Under the silver light of the moon she could clearly see his cock twitching and spurting out thick globs as his onesie became stained in his thick seed.  

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!”  She hadn’t meant for that to happen!  In her own lust she’d forgotten about it!  Now the boy of her affection was having quite possibly the strongest orgasm he’d ever had, and it… it was all because of her!  A sense of pride filled her chest, but was quickly replaced with shame as she saw the distraught face in front of her.  Her instincts screamed to move and comfort him!  But… but she couldn’t bring herself to move, she couldn’t let him know she was awake.  Instead she watched him, watched as he stared in panic at his own sputtering cock the obvious shame built upon his face… it did things to her... things she didn’t want to admit.

“Hah hah hah…”  His panting echoed and sunk into her ears, it was… it was doing things to her.  She could feel her core heat up once more.  “I… why… I… no….”  Despite how terrible she felt, that small tinge of pride still filled her chest.  “Why… I… no… I… they can’t see this… they… they’d hate me…  I can’t… I cant believe I had a… wet dream about all of them… why…”  She nearly flinched when he turned towards her.  “I’m sorry May… I can’t… I can’t believe I… to you…”

Had he been having a wet dream?!  Was she in it?!  Was that why he was apologizing?!  “You… I’m… I’m such a bad friend.”  Even with her eyes closed shut as they were, she could still make out the sounds of him heading to the bathroom, obviously to get changed and to clean off… off that thick… stain on his onesie… that rich… fresh…  and like that the world stopped once more.

Once more she got up, making her way around him she quickly unzipped his onesie, unable to resist the treat in front of her!  Once she’d gotten the zipper all the way down she was treated with his cum coated cock.  She remembered the previous embarrassment!  Remembering how bad she felt!  But how could she resist?!  Quickly she moved, running her tongue along his still thick hard shaft she lapped up his thick honeyed cum.  “Schow good!  You taste schow bery good!”  She couldn’t stop it, she couldn’t stop till she consumed every last bit.  And there was just so much!  So very much very much.  For what felt like forever she continued to lap away, consuming and gulping down as mucha s she could.  Tasting his flavors so directly had nearly lit her fire again, but she needed to control herself.  

Once she’d made sure to have consumed as much as she could, even going as far as to lick what she could off of his onesie she went back to bed.  Letting time return she heard him nearly fall over, “Wha?!”  He’d apparently grown weak kneed with her previous endeavors.  “Wha… what is wrong with me?”  His voice released a hushed whisper, but she could still hear it, hear the embarrassment in his voice.  It… it was so delectable.  She… she was awakening tos something new.  She wanted more… but for now she’d sleep, close her eyes and rest.

[bettyminicoop]

We're at AU since 504, and I'll prove it to you.

So, Riverdale is a comic.

No not like this.

RIVERDALE is a COMIC.

This is how this article began a day ago, when I tried to develop a theory about season 5 and try to explain the absurdity of everything that we have seen on the show lately. But Riverdale is really a comic, in which anything can happen, including events that take us to an alternate universe.

So, the main secret of the season 5 is not mixing ships, it's not about TBK, not about Moth Men, not about TRAUMA™. The main secret of the season 5 is: "What the hell is going on here?"

Does RAS like predictions? Jughead in 417 literally says, "In what future are we not together?" Thus, launching this universe, in which we find ourselves since 504. And there is an explanation for all this, oddly enough.

Honestly, I think that the absurdity of 518 helped me a lot. I realized that all the ship's nonsense of the season is a red herring. I calmed down, exhaled, moved a little further and looked at the whole picture.

For convenience in the future, I will call the events of the first four seasons as RD01, and season 5 since 504 as RD AU. So, everything that happened in RD01 also happened in RD AU, but in a different way. And something may not have happened at all. This is where all the inconsistencies with the plot of the first four seasons come from.

1. The writers are not lazy, they don't forget what happened 5 episodes ago. RAS simply deceived everyone by taking a very risky step. All of the plots that take place in Season 5 have a backstory that we don't know anything about. Except for certain plots that are taken out of the context of the first four seasons. But the difference is that all these plots that happened in RD01 went completely differently here in RD AU.

2. The episode of Citizen Lodge has the most direct evidence for the existence of RD AU. Because if this episode hadn't happened, it would have been hard to guess RD AU. It would be impossible to connect the dots. Citizen Lodge is the key to unlocking the mystery of Season 5 of Riverdale.

The Midnight Club takes place in 1992, but Citizen Lodge takes place in 1988. Although these are the same characters, in the same age range. But at Citizen Lodge we were shown newborn Veronica, because Hermosa never existed here. In RD01, the Lodges have a family rum business, RD AU Lodges are shoe shiners not originally living in Riverdale. The events of both episodes contradict each other, because they took place in different universes. This is not a fault of the writers, this is a deliberate hint. This whole new RD AU universe exists several years earlier than RD 01.

Small addition. In 516 it is indicated that Hermosa exists in the RD AU. But maybe she is younger than Veronica.

3. The last time a clear timeline is set is 503, when Jughead sits in Pop's a year after graduation. And when he walks out the door, he says that the next time he saw his friends was six years later. But we haven't seen that yet. Because that's where RD01 ends.

When 504 starts, nowhere is it stated how many years have passed. The first timeline is set by Veronica Lodge. "It's 2021". And this is the very first clue that we are in the middle of RD AU.

4. When Season 5 was announced, RAS said it would be a 5 year time jump. But by the start of the season, it turned into 7 years. And there is still no error. In RD01, after Bughead says goodbye on the porch, their next meeting actually happens in seven years. But we haven't seen it yet.

RD AU probably takes place five years after core four graduated from high school. And this is confirmed by Bughead's conversation in the bunker when Betty asks Jughead why he's bringing up a conflict five years ago. Which by the way does not negate the fact that voicemail happened only two years ago. Because it is the aftermath of a terrible five-year conflict that ended Bughead's relationship in RD AU. Do you seriously agree that kissing was a terrible thing to do? Probably something worse happened at RD AU.

5. On the chest of Archie RD AU there is no scar after his meeting with the bear, so this did not happen in this universe. We've been shown Archie's breasts so many times this season but we never really noticed!

6. Tom Keller and Sierra McCoy do not appear to be married in RD AU, although they literally fought the Gargoyle King for their relationship.

7. I believe that the RD AU timeline is shifted 4-5 years back relative to RD01. As confirmed by Bughead's bunker conversation and the events at Citizen Lodge. And this explains why RD AU is now in 2021, and not 2027, as it should be in RD01.

8. I watched season 5 very casually and hardly saw more than 1/3. So I need you to help me collect more evidence for the existence of RD AU. For every plot, event and conversation, you need to apply an AU theory filter. And I can promise you, every piece will find its place in the puzzle.

By the way, differences can be not only in plots and dialogues, but also physical in the appearance of characters and interiors.

I'm sure that Veronica's question to Archie, where he sees himself in five years, was also not accidental. But I no longer have the strength to develop this and build it in the context of RD AU. Especially because I don't know much about their relationship history. I trust you to figure it out.

And I wouldn't be at all surprised if Season 5 of Riverdale is still Jughead's book from RD 01, called Rivervale.

Will we get the RD AU backstory in Season 6? To be honest, I'm not sure if we need it.

Is Polly still alive in RD01?

Could Alice's hallucination at 518 be AU on AU? That is, literally being RD01 inside RD AU. Because these scenes were, it seems, the most "normal" in the whole episode. Follow up on this idea. Or we can just wait for season 6 special.

It does not matter at all which ships the RD AU will end with. It does not matter. Because season 5 and season 6 special is not about ships.

Maybe season 6 special is when RD01 and RD AU mix. Well, let's see, it's not long to wait.

Is there a chance RD AU will end on episode 100? Perhaps.

Please give this season and finale a chance. I am currently re-watching individual episodes to find confirmation of my AU theory, and now season 5 makes sense! Check it out for yourself. I'm sure there will be a TBK mystery in the final episode next week that will make my whole AU theory obvious. But I will write about this separately right after this post.

Looking back now, I think the flurry of spoilers ahead of 518 is literally when RAS went crazy. Because we're incredibly dumb and didn't want to see obvious clues in the narrative.

I will never pull this stone out alone. So, my young archaeologists, arm yourself with hammers and brooms, and help me bring this treasure to the surface completely.

I want to say THANK YOU to Bughead fandom. Because you are amazing. Because you are building theories, you are guessing, you are thinking. Because you spin every situation, you question every plot that happened on the show. And I am overwhelmed with complacency, because the uncovering of the main secret of Season 5 came from the Bughead community. After all, who else besides Bughead can uncover Riverdale's secrets?

And thanks to those who first brought up AU in Riverdale. Because only thanks to this theory, I was able to pull the thread and untangle the whole ball.

It's so liberating. It’s like someone has suddenly turned on the lights in the dark room we’ve been in since the beginning of Season 5.

[bellawritesnonsense]

That wasn’t a No?

 Fred Weasley X Reader. 

Takes place in Goblet of fire era

*Warning*  Swearing

Summary~ Basically Fred gets jealous when George ask’s you to the Yule ball.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was no denying your feelings for Fred Weasley. Everyone knew how you felt about him...except Fred of course. So you weren’t surprised when he told you about his plans to ask Angelina Johnson to the Yule Ball. Yeah you wanted him to ask you, but you also didn’t want to ruin your friendship. 

You were hurt to say the least. It was hard acting like everything was fine when in reality, your heart was being shattered into a million pieces. 

“I think I’ll ask her sometime today!” Fred beamed. He had been telling you about his plans to ask out the girl since the beginning of lunch. 

“That’s great, Freddie,” you said with a fake smile. You had gotten pretty good at hiding your feelings. After years of watching Fred be with other girls it had become like a sixth sense. 

George gave you a sympathetic smile, knowing how you really felt about Fred asking Angelina out. “Shut up Mate.” George flicked a baby carrot at his brother. “Nobody cares about the bloody ball.” 

“OI! Watch where your flinging those!” Fred shouted,dodging the small vegetable. 

You gave a small chuckle at the boys argument as they played with their food like young children.

The day dragged on as you waited to hear Fred brag about how he had asked Angelina to the ball, but surprisingly it never happened. You were feeling quite hopeful as you walked into the library for study hall with Snape. You sat down next to your friend Alicia.

“Hey.” she whispered, not wanting Snape to hear. 

“Hey.” you said in the same tone, taking out your potion homework.

You worked on your homework silently until you heard two familiar voices.You looked around the table until your eyes landed on three red heads. 

You saw Fred throw a piece of paper at Ron. He gave a confused face and looked back up at his brother. 

“Who're you going with, then?" said Ron.

Fred looked around the table his eyes landed on you, and for a split second you thought he was finally going to ask you...you were mistaken. 

He quickly looked away and crumbled up a piece of parchment, throwing it at an unsuspecting Angelina. 

“What?” she whispered. 

Fred smiled and mouthed “You want to go to the ball, with me?” he made a dancing gesture as he spoke. 

“Sure, alright.” Angelina gave a small smile and turned back to her work. 

Fred gave Ron a wink and turned to George, a huge smirk on his lips. 

You felt your heart shatter as you watched it all unravel. He asked her out right in front of you. You quickly looked down, at your now finished potions essay, tears threatening to fall. You stood up and walked over to Professor Snape, handing him your work, and walking out of the library.

“What’s wrong with,Y/n?” Fred asked, noticing you walking out. 

 George hadn’t realized you were there, his heart hurt for you. He hadn’t wanted you to see the interaction. 

“I’ll go check on her.” he said, standing from his spot next to Fred. 

“I’ll come too.” Fred tried to follow, but George quickly stopped him. 

“No!” George nearly shouted. “I mean, Snape will think were up to something if we all leave at the same time.” 

Fred gave an unsure nod and watched as his brother went after you. 

“Y/N!” George jogged up next to you as you hurriedly walked up the moving stairs. 

“Oh. Hey Georgie.” you smiled, trying not to show how upset you were. 

“You alright?” he uttered. 

“Never better.” you joked. 

“I’m serious Y/n/n,” George pulled you aside. “want to talk about it?” 

“No.” you said bluntly, pulling away from George and walking up to the portrait hole. 

“Come on, your obviously upset.” George stopped you again. 

“Of course I’m upset George!” you cackled. “Fred just asked another girl to the ball. Right in front of me! Plus I don’t have a date to the ball. Lee and Alicia are going together, Katie is going with some 5th year, and now Angelina is going with Fred!” you huffed, letting all your frustration out.  

“Go with me.” he said nonchalantly. 

You were taken aback by his words. “W-what?” you stammered. 

“Go to the ball with me.” he smiled. “We could go as friends. Besides I don’t have a date, and wasn’t really planning on asking anyone.” 

“Really?” you smiled. 

“Of course! Your one of my closest friend, Y/n.” 

A sudden wave of graduated ran through you, you wrapped your arms around the red head. 

“Thank you.” you beamed, your mood lifting greatly. 

“I’ll take that as a yes than.” George laughed, hugging you back. 

“I guess.” you teased. 

“OH! YOUNG LOVE!” The Fat Lady squealed as the two of you pulled apart. “HOW WONDERFUL!” 

The news about George asking you to the ball spread like a wild fire. Alicia and Angelina were gushing over the fact that you all had dates. Fred on the other hand didn’t seem to happy. When he had found out, he marched up to the common room and dragged George into their dorm, without saying a word towards you. 

“What the fuck mate!” Fred roared. “Since when do you like Y/n!?” 

“What?” George said confused. “I don’t like Y/n? What are you on about?” 

“Then why’d you ask her to the ball?!” Fred was getting angry now, crossing his arms like a small child. 

“Because she didn’t have a date, and neither did I.” George answered like it was the most simple thing in the world.

“You could have told me!” said Fred. 

“Why, your going with Angelina?” George raised an eyebrow. 

“Well- I- she’s my friend to. I would’ve liked to have known.” 

George rolled his eyes and walked out of the room, Fred not far behind him. They made their way down to the common room where you sat with Angelina and Alicia. 

“Hey.” you smiled at the twins. 

George smiled and sat next to you while Fred just nodded and sat down on a nearby chair, not saying a word. 

This went on for the next week as the Yule ball approached. Fred was being awfully distance with you and George, which wasn’t like him at all. However, you didn’t let that spoil how exited you were for the upcoming party.

 You were currently sitting in your dorm getting ready with Hermione, Alicia, Angelina, Katie, and Ginny. All six of you listening to music as you did your hair and makeup. You were wearing a beautiful dress that fit you just right, your makeup was done in a natural look that made your eyes shimmer, and your hair was done in a way that suited the whole outfit. 

“Wow!” Alicia exclaimed, looking at you with wide eyes. “You look amazing Y/n!” 

“Gorgeous!” squealed Angelina. 

“George is going to lose his shit!” Ginny shrieked  

. “Ginny!” Hermione scolded. “You look lovely Y/n.” she smiled. 

“Thank you, you all look gorgeous as well.” you smiled at all the beautiful girls in front of you. “Shall we head down?” 

“YES!” they all squealed, opening the door and walking down the spiral staircase. 

Once you were in sight of the boys, who were waiting for you in the common room, you started feeling butterfly's as you caught sight of Fred. He was wearing velvet black dress robes with a dark green waist coat over his white button up shirt. He look incredibly, his silky red hair was messy, the way you loved it. 

“Wow!” the boys gasped as all the girls came into their view. You saw George’s ears turn a bit red as he looked at Angelina, you couldn’t help but smirk at the boys obvious feelings for her. 

“Hey.” you smiled. 

“You look great.” he beamed. 

“So do you.” 

George smiled and laced his arm with yours. 

“Shall we?” 

“We shall.” you joked, laughing slightly as you walked out of the common room. 

Fred watched the whole interaction. His mouth was slightly opened as he looked at you. They way your hair was done in a way that showed your smile, the way your dressed hugged you in all the right angles, the way you look absolutely stunning. 

Once everyone had made their way down to the great hall, that had been trans formed into a spectacular ball room, you found a table and sat down. 

“Want to dance?” George offered his hand to you. 

“Please.” you smiled taking it. He lead you onto the dance floor, the two of you jumping around and head banging to the song that was playing. Fred watched as you danced and smiled with his twin, he folded his arms in his seat, glaring at the pair of you. 

“Will you quit it!” Angelina groaned, shoving his arm slightly. 

“What?” Fred snapped out of his trance and faced her. “Quit what?”

“Come off it Fred.” she laughed. “You fancy Y/n.” 

“W-what, no I don’t!” he argued. 

“Really?” she made a face that said ‘do you think i’m dumb’. 

“I- I mean, I- FINE!” he groaned,sliding lower in his chair. “I fancy her.” 

“I knew it!” Angelina squealed. “Wait? Then why would you ask me to the ball if you fancy Y/n?” 

“Well, I don’t know. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.” Fred confessed. 

“Are you kidding me! She’s been in love with you since third year!” said Angelina. 

“Really!” Fred’s face brightened up at the news. 

“It’s obvious.” Angelina laughed. “I’m surprised you never figured it out. Even George knows.” 

“Wait what!” Fred asked alarmed. “George knows?” 

“Yeah, that’s why he asked Y/n to the ball. He didn’t want her to feel left out.” Angelina gave a fond smile.

“Oh.” Fred looked back down. He felt awful, knowing he caused you to feel bad about yourself. 

“So stop sulking and go get your girl!” Angelina pushed Fred off his seat and watched him stumble towards you. 

“Hey, Y/n?” Fred muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Yeah.” you smiled, turning around and found that his was mere inches from your face.

“Can we talk?” he asked. 

You looked towards George who nodded and went to dance with Alicia and Lee. 

“Sure.” 

The two of you walked away from the crowed and into the deserted hall. 

“Whatcha need Freddie?” you smiled. 

“I- um” Fred fiddled with his hands. “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to let it out. I love you.” he blurted. 

Your face fell as the words left his mouth. He loved you, you had waited years for those word to leave his mouth. And now that he finally had, you didn’t know what to say. 

“This is when you say something, Love.” he gave a shaky laugh, rubbing his neck once again. 

“I- I,” you were a stammering mess. 

“It’s fine.” Fred looked away. “I get it, you don’t feel the same.” he turned to walk away, but you grabbed his wrist and pulled him down. You lips meeting his in a passionate kiss. Fred eagerly wrapped his arms around your waist, nearly lifting you off the ground. You wrapped yours around his neck and kissed him harder, the kiss never breaking as your lips swayed together. Only when you had to pull away for air did you break apart, Fred had a huge smile on his face, as did you. 

“So you love me then?” Fred teased. 

You rolled your eyes and pulled him back in for a quick peck. 

“That wasn’t a No.” Fred smirked, pulling into yet another passionate kiss. 

[longitudinalwaveme]

Another Weird Flash/Rogues AU

Awhile ago on AAO3, I read a story with a basic premise of “What if the Kryptonians had left Krypton before it was destroyed, traveled to Earth, fallen under the leadership of Zod (or another group of evil Kryptonians) and enslaved the human race”? The story mainly focused on Bruce Wayne and Kal-El (the latter of whom quickly came to realize the wrongs that the Kryptonians were perpetrating), but, being a huge Flash nerd, I thought: What if I used that same basic idea, but focused on the Flash characters instead? This is the result. 

This AU is comparatively very early in the timeline; Barry Allen is 20 years old, Wally is about five, etc. 

-Barry Allen was about seven years old when the Central/Keystone area was taken over and its population enslaved. His mother, Nora, was sold away from him shortly thereafter. He and his father (and most of the familiar Flash characters) are owned by some unpleasant Kryptonian, as are most of the characters detailed below. (Superman fans who know the names of evil Kryptonians other than Zod, feel free to make suggestions.) In this universe, Barry’s rather timid and submissive overall. He’s very kind and wants to help people, but unlike Iris (whom he has a massive crush on), he’s not brave enough to stand up to the overseers. 

-Nora Allen passed away a few years after the Kryptonian takeover, far away from her husband and son. After mourning for a few months, Henry Allen remarried to a widow named Martha Scudder, and adopted her son, Samuel Joseph Scudder, as a second son. Martha and Henry are devoted to both Barry and Sam. 

-Sam Scudder-Allen is 16 years old, four years younger than his older brother. He was three years old when the Kryptonians arrived and was crippled at the age of seven when a heavy piece of farm machinery fell on his leg. He uses a crutch to walk and works as a tailor, since he’s not able to work in the fields. He is rather self-conscious about his “bum leg”, since it means that escaping slavery would be almost impossible for him. He’s also much more willing to stand up to the Kryptonians than his older brother currently is, mainly because he figures that, as a crippled slave, he really can’t get much worse off.

-Iris West, age 19, lives with her father, Ira (her mother died before the Kryptonians arrived), and her nephew, the five-year-old Wally West (both of his parents were sold away shortly after he was born). Fiery and rebellious; she’s been pushing boundaries ever since the Kryptonians arrived and is determined to learn how to read. She thinks Barry is very cute, but refuses to date him until he grows a spine. She won’t allow her children to grow up enslaved to a bunch of aliens. 

-George “Digger” Harkness, age 17, was sold to the Central City area from Australia when he was 14 years old. His stepfather, Ian Harkness, hated him so much that he actually volunteered to have him sold away, and Digger found himself living and working alongside total strangers. He’s mouthy and stubborn, but is afraid enough of the Kryptonians that he’s not openly rebelllious.

-Evan McCulloch, age 6, was sold to the Central City area from Scotland only a few months ago. He’s terrified and misses Miss McCulloch badly. He’s also been semi-adopted by Henry and Martha Allen. 

-Claudio and Marco Mardon, aged 18 and 17, respectively, and their parents, Paloma and Mattias, immigrated to the United States from Guatemala a few years before the Kryptonians conquered Central City. Surprisingly, the family was not separated and has remained together ever since. Marco, the younger of the two, is clumsy and awkward, but generally keeps his head down and doesn’t cause trouble. As a result, he, ironically enough, is actually the golden child in this reality. Claudio, with his passionate love of learning, rocks the boat too frequently and gets into trouble too often-he’s even taught himself how to read, something that humans aren’t allowed to do under Kryptonian rule. Paloma and Mattias have tried to dissuade him, but to no avail. Marco, on the other hand, greatly admires his older brother and wishes he had his courage, and the two are very close. The family speaks as much Spanish as it does English. 

-Roscoe Dillon, age 16, lives and works in his Kryptonian owner’s estate alongside his mother, Rosa. (His father, Reginald, was sold off when Roscoe was nine.) He and Rosa are isolated from most of the other humans; as result, Roscoe has few friends. He’s also more than a little odd (thanks to being on the autism spectrum), but, fortunately for him, his love of routine and organization mean that no one can find fault with his work. He still loves tops and has created dozens of them to play with when he’s not required to work. 

-Mick Rory, aged 22, is a soft-spoken gentle giant. His family was killed in the Kryptonian invasion, and he still mourns their loss, but otherwise his life hasn’t changed as much as most of the other humans’. Having grown up on a farm, he’s used to working in the fields and adjusted to the farm labor the Kryptonians required much more easily than did most others. He is friendly and helpful to everyone and has taken in a 7-year-old girl named Linda Park, whose parents were sold off.

-Giovanni Giuseppi, aged 10, lives with his mother, Helen. He and his family, used to a migrant lifestyle from their time in the circus, managed to evade the Kryptonians for quite some time, but, when the Kryptonians finally captured them, his father, Alessandro, was killed; being dropped from a high height. The six-year-old Giovanni, already terrified of heights, was traumatized by this event. He and his mother were then sold to the Central City area. Giovanni is terrified of Kryptonians; as a result, he never disobeys orders. Once lively and energetic, Giovanni is now rather timid and reserved-but he’s still incredibly intelligent. 

-Joan Garrick is the widow of Jay Garrick, the Flash, who was murdered by Zod in order to prevent his speed from becoming a threat. She is determined to carry on his work by educating as many people as she can; in the hopes that this will enable them to escape and eventually overthrow the Kryptonians. She is very close to Iris and Claudio, and hopes to teach them everything she knows.

-Hartley Rathaway, age 9, lives with his parents, Rachel and Osgood Rathaway. When the Kryptonians first arrived in Central City, Mr. and Mrs. Rathaway struck a bargain with them; giving them all the knowledge they would need in order to take over the city with ease in exchange for being able to maintain their own wealth, freedom, and power. The Kryptonians used the information provided by the Rathaways to take over the Central/Keystone area...and then enslaved the wealthy couple along with the rest of the city’s populace anyway. Needless to say, Mr. and Mrs. Rathaway are not particularly well-liked by their fellow humans. Not at all accustomed to physical labor or powerlessness, they often get into trouble with the Kryptonian overseers, and aren’t likely to receive much help from any other humans. As a cruel joke, Rachel was allowed to keep her jewelery, and, when the Kryptonians hand out the yearly supply of clothing, they always receive the finest clothes...which are, of course, of no use at all for hard physical labor. Hartley is better-liked than his parents, but he’s deaf and mute, and, since no one had the time to teach him sign language, he struggles to communicate with anyone other than his parents. It also means that the Kryptonians use him for their own amusement, rather than having him work in the fields or in a trade; mocking the obvious inferiority of the human race that he represents. That being said, he has grown suprisingly close to Giovanni Giuseppi. 

-Leonard and Lisa Snart, age 18 and 13, respectively, are unusual. Of all the humans of the Keystone/Central area, and perhaps the planet, they are the only ones who are not enslaved. When the Kryptonians arrived in the area, Leonard was 5 years old, and his sister was a newborn. His biological father, Larry Snart, was an abusive father and husband, and regularly beat both his wife and Leonard. One night, in a drunken rage, Larry accidentally killed his wife and was preparing to brutalize his son when several Kryptonians broke into the house. Larry attacked them and was promptly killed, but, fortuitously for Len and Lisa, Zor-El and Alura arrived on the scene and adopted the children as their own, in the hopes of saving them from the slavery they knew Zod and his allies had planned for humanity. To avoid raising suspicion, they claimed that they had adopted the children because of both children’s icy blue eyes, which strongly resembled the eyes of most Kryptonians. The children had the eyes of Rao; they said. They had been blessed with civility and intelligence that was unlike that of other humans; they deserved the chance to be raised as Kryptonians. The argument was broadly accepted, and so Lenonard and Lisa Snart became Len-El and Lisa (pronounced LYE-za) of the house of Jor-El. They were raised as Kryptonians, and, although Zor-El and Alura refused to own slaves and secretly helped many humans escape to freedom, they could not allow the children to spend time with members of their own species, lest it raise suspicion about their work. As a result, both Len-El and Lisa think of themselves as Kryptonian, and, since they are surrounded by Kryptonian children and taught by Kryptonian teachers at school, both of them firmly believe that humans need to be controlled by Kryptonians. Lisa thinks of other humans almost as cute pets, having never met another member of her species, but she is curious to learn more about them. Len-El despises the fact that he’s human. Thanks to his horrific experiences with his human father, Len-El believes that humans are cruel and barbaric, and he wants nothing to do with them. He wants to be Kryptonian, just like his loving parents. He and Lisa also have a little sister, Kara Zor-El, who is 7 years old. They adore Kara, and she adores them. They’re also both quite fond of their cousin, Kal-El (age 19). 

[ravs6709]

Euneirophrenia- Solinh

Okay, so this is a repost, but only because I was on mobile and tumblr wouldn't let me post the full thing on tumblr (so I just posted a link to ao3), because "there were too many blocks". So this time, I'm posting the actual fic!

Anyways, this fanfic was inspired by A Handmade Scrapbook on ao3 and came across a dreamsharing au. From there I immediately knew I wanted to make a Solinh oneshot

So yeah, you share your dream with someone who will be important to your life. Not necessarily romantic, it can be student and mentor, but in this case it is romantic. Anyways it’s just snapshots of Sophie’s life (mostly of being a child) and interactions with Linh

Warnings- Linh's guilt over the flooding of Atlantis is mentioned a lot, food mention, and I think that's it?

•~•~•~•~•~•

Sophie always loved hearing the stories that her parents told. She was only four years old, but she was able to picture the scenery, she was able to understand some of the things that were discussed. They were soulmates, with a bond that started at fourteen. Sophie wanted to be just like them.

That changed in the next year.

Sophie had hit her head, and then she was hearing voices everywhere. It took weeks to be able to start figuring out where each voice came from, and another to realize that she recognized those voices. They were from people that she knew.

The world as she knew it changed, harsh thoughts constantly hidden behind- fake- smiles. And with her ability to understand things easier, she knew what the people around her thought. She was able to hear their cruel thoughts, when all she wanted was for them to go away.

She kept herself distanced from her friends, because they were thinking so much and so loud she wanted to cry. No matter how much Emma and William tried to get her to go outside and make new friends, it wouldn't work.

Even if people weren't so loud, how was she supposed to deal with knowing how others truly felt about her?

Sophie knew it was an irrational thought- she was only five years old, but hearing the namecalling that was internally directed towards her hurt. Was the person who she would dreamshare with also going to act the same?

•~•~•~•~•~•

Sophie was six years old when she found a giant mansion filled with crystals and other sparkly things. It was like the mansions in the TV shows, except way more fancy. There were paintings lined against the hallway.

"Who are you?" A soft voice asked.

Sophie turned around and saw a person with one of the faces from the paintings. They looked to be around her age, maybe a year older. They had a round face framed with long black hair. They had a soft smile which made their silvery blue eyes gleam. They were pretty.

The person's eyes widened. "You... you're hu-" they pressed their lips together, as if to cut themselves off. "You have brown eyes."

"Of course I do!" She said. "Brown eyes are common!"

She ignored the fact that she was the only one with them in her family.

"But..." they narrowed their eyes. "Where I... come from, we all have blue eyes. But I don't understand what's going on. Are you real?"

"I'm real. My name's Sophie Foster. She and her."

But as she spoke, there was no sound when she said the name Foster.

They nodded, still looking confused. "I'm Linh... she and her. I thought the dreamsharing didn't start until you were fourteen."

That was something that Sophie was confused about too. Some people started as early as nine, but that was incredibly rare. But there was another thing that was off about Linh.

"It's quiet," she whispered.

People within dreams didn’t have thoughts- for obvious reasons, but she was usually still able to hear the distant thoughts and dreams of her family. But at the moment, it was quiet. It was almost unnerving.

"What do you mean?"

This isn't a normal thing. Should I tell her? Would she believe me?

"Your mi-" No, she wasn't going to say anything. "Where are we?"

She knew that the place a dream took place would be somewhere that one of the people within the dream would know. And Sophie definitely had no idea where she was.

"It's my home," Linh replied.

"This mansion is yours?"

Linh blinked. "Where were live, we all have... mansions."

"Where do you live?" Sophie was sure that such a place would be well known. "I live in San Diego."

Once again, the words were omitted.

"Oh. I guess that doesn't work."

"Do you want me to take you around the house? I think we can explore."

Sophie smiled. "That sounds like fun!"

•~•~•~•~•~•

"Mom, how did it feel like when you first met dad in your dream again?"

Even if Emma didn't tell her the answer, Sophie was able to see it within her mind.

"I was in a place that felt unknown, yet also familiar. The place was vivid that I didn't think it would be from my imagination."

Sophie thought about it for a moment. Sometimes, it was hard to figure out whether she had a vivid imagination, or if it was just due to her photographic memory. She'd definitely never set a foot in a mansion, let alone one as big as the one in her dream.

"I think I shared a dream with someone," Sophie admitted.

'I think that we need to let her be outside more often. She doesn't have enough friends, so she's dreaming on imaginary friends.'

The thought was loud and clear, and she winced. It was something she wondered about. But she hadn't met anyone like Linh, and talked about her twin, Tam. There were too many details that there was no way that Sophie would be able to come up with it on her own.

"Sophie, you're only six, that wouldn't be possible."

'Maybe she never recovered from her head injury?'

•~•~•~•~•~•

The next dream didn't happen for a while, which led Sophie to believe that maybe her mom was right. It took over a month for it to happen again.

"Hello Sophie," Linh greeted.

Sophie smiled. "Hey Linh! This isn't me imagining things, am I?"

"I thought the same thing. My mother and father didn't believe me when I said I was sharing a dream. I left out the fact that you're a hu-"

Once again, Linh cut herself off. What was she talking about? This is the second time. For once, she wanted to read Linh's mind. But it was a dream, so even if she tried, it would never work.

So instead, she decided to distract herself. They weren't in the mansions this time, they were outside. It was strange though, the shops were huge and there were crystals and blue fires that burned. Sophie also noticed that there seemed to be no sky, there was something above them that was blue, but there were no clouds nor sun.

"We went shopping here today," Linh explained. She sounded a little happier than before. "I wonder if we can go inside."

It turned out that they could go inside, and Sophie wasn't surprised that it was all empty. She expected to see t-shirts or jeans but what she saw were tunics and dresses. Then again, it seemed that Linh wore a dress too.

She looked down at her own clothes, only now realizing that she wasn't in her pjyamas, but an orange shirt that had a dog on it, plus jeans.

"Can I touch the clothes?" Sophie asked.

She didn't go shopping often, especially after she started hearing the thoughts of others. The big malls were always filled with people, and she couldn't stand to be there for long periods of time. She had to rely on distractions such as music, or focusing on textures. It didn't always work out though, as her parents would always forbid her from poking around.

"I don't think what happens in our dreams will affect the outside world," Linh said, which probably meant a yes.

Slowly, Sophie walked around, trailing her finger across every piece of clothing. Everything was usually soft, she'd never felt anything like it before. She picked up one of the tunics to see what it was made of, but didn't find the material label at the back.

"What are they made of?" She asked.

Linh hummed. "I don't know. They don't tell us."

"Isn't there supposed to be a label that says that?" She checked again, then found something. There were lines joined together, but she couldn't understand any of it.

"It's a different language," Linh explained. "Wait." Her voice took on a different tone. "I'm sorry, I need to leave now, I'll see you later Sophie."

•~•~•~•~•~•

Amy was growing into an age where she was starting to make more sense of things, but was still really hyperactive. It wouldn't have been too bad, if it weren't for the fact that her mind was screaming at all times. And then she would scream too.

She still had no answers as to why Linh had left so abruptly, or why she sounded panicked. Did something happen to her family?

There was another thing that was weird though. Sometimes, she felt like Mr. Forkle- her neighbour- would he watching her. In a way, she understood why, he was the one who had found her when she hit her head. So he probably had some kind of sense of responsibility of looking after her. But his gaze felt like it was piercing her sometimes.

It was during those times when she would start feeling bad. She felt the need to doubt his intentions when she was very much able to read his thoughts.

With the combination of Amy and school, Sophie was starting to get better at ignoring the voices. They were still there, and they still hurt, but if she could just ignore it, it wouldn't hurt as much. It was a good thing she had her photographic memory, otherwise she'd probably struggle at school.

That was another thing. She'd skipped two grades, which was very clearly not normal. Her teacher was both impressed and annoyed by the quality of her work.

It's so tiring having to deal with this.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Sophie woke up and she was in school. The classrooms were empty, the the chalkboard had writing from the math that was being taught in class.

Did I fall asleep during school?

There was no teacher in the room, which only made her panic. Where did everyone go? She looked around again, and saw someone sitting at a desk in the back corner (Sophie sat in the other corner). It took a few moments to realize that it was Linh sitting there.

"This is a dream again, isn't it?" Sophie asked.

Linh nodded, but something about her looked uneasy. "This is a dream."

"Is everything okay?"

She bit her lips, her eyes flicking everywhere, then landing on the chalkboard. "I don't understand. You're not supposed to know my language."

"I don't?" She remembered trying to read the label last time, but it never worked.

"No, I mean speaking. Where we live, we have our own special language. You shouldn't be able to communicate with me."

That was weird. Sophie would have remembered learning another language. "Maybe that's a side effect of the dream? So we can talk to each other?"

"Maybe," Linh didn't sound convinced about it. "But I don't understand why I'm dreamsharing with you. There'd be no reason for me to ever meet you. I'm not leaving where I live, and there would be no way for you to come here."

"Why not?"

It couldn't be that hard to meet Linh. All one of them had to do is be able to dream of an area with a landmark, or something that would reveal the location. Besides, they were still children, they'd have the money to travel around in the future.

"It's... a long explanation," Linh admitted. "How about you tell me about this place?"

"It's my school. Do you not go to school?"

"We get taught at home, and then when we get a little older we go to a school. But I think at the schools here, there's usually one mentor per prodigy."

Prodigy ? Is that what they call students ? And mentors for teachers?

"We definitely don't have enough teachers to do that," Sophie said with a laugh.

Linh laughed too, and her body began to visibly relax. She no longer sat up straight, and the frown that she wore disappeared.

"There's... twenty-five desks in this class? How does a teacher manage to deal with this many children at once?"

Sophie laughed. "I have no idea."

"What have you been learning about in school?"

"We've been learning about multiplying numbers and all that. I wasn't actually supposed to be in this class. I'm supposed to be in the class two grades lower than me, but I'm apparently really good at school."

She wasn't sure of what kind of expression she expected to see on Linh's face, but it wasn't one that was more thoughtful.

"What is it?" Was it one of those things that Linh couldn't bring herself to talk about?

"It's nothing."

Maybe one day, if we meet up early, I could ask her.

•~•~•~•~•~•

They were in Sophie's living room his time, and Sophie was in a good mood. The walls were decorated with streamers and the cake that she'd eaten was sitting on the table in front of her, the candles burning.

She looked around and saw Linh sitting beside her on the couch, staring at the birthday cake in awe.

"What's going on here?" Linh asked.

"It's my birthday. Or, the end of it, I guess."

"You celebrate the date of your birth?"

Sophie blinked. "You don't?"

"I think I'm nine years old, but I'm not really sure."

"I turned seven today."

"Happy... birthday?"

Sophie laughed. "Yeah, that's what you say. Thank you."

To be honest, Linh didn't look like she was nine. She looked der than Sophie, but it didn't feel like she was a whole two years older.

"Did you do anything for your birthday?"

Sophie grinned. "We used to go out, but after I started getting headaches, we've taken to staying inside. We stayed inside and had fun and played games. It was great."

With only the four of them, there weren't as many thoughts to bombard her mind with either.

"That sounds like fun."

There was something off about her tone... envy?

"Is something wrong?"

"I wouldn't want to ruin the mood."

"Linh," she reached over and took her hand. "You can tell me. You don't have to tell me everything, but you can let it out, and then we can do something as a distraction."

"My parents don't like me and my brother. We're twins, and our society doesn't like twins."

"That's stupid!" Sophie exclaimed. "I know a few sets of twins, and they seem great! It's normal!"

"It's tiring," Linh sighed. "It's really tiring."

"I'm sorry you have to go through that. Would you like a distraction? We can try eating the cake."

"What's it made of? Is there any meat?"

"Meat..? My dad's allergic to eggs, so it's completely vegetarian. Is there another concern?"

Linh's eyes widened, but then she seemed to recover. "No, I'm a vegetarian, that's all."

"Okay, I'll be right back."

Sophie went to the kitchen and brought out some plates and cutlery. She came back and saw Linh staring at the cake in awe again.

"You look like you've never seen a birthday cake before," Sophie remarked.

"I haven't," Linh whispered.

"Okay, come sit next to me. You're gonna blow out the candles."

"Isn't that something you would do? Since it's your birthday?" But still, Linh moved to sit next to her.

"I mean, yeah, but I already did it. I don't know if you'll get another chance anytime soon, though when we meet up I'm definitely gonna bake you cakes. So come on, make a wish, then blow out the candles."

"Okay. Do I tell you what I wish for?"

"I think it's better kept a secret."

"Okay."

Linh closed her eyes and Sophie thought that her eyelashes were way too pretty for her own good. When she blew the candles out, she looked so happy, and Sophie wished to see Linh like that more often.

After that, Sophie set the candles aside and then cut the cake. They sat on the couches, and ate.

"Ooh, this is delicious!" Linh exclaimed. "I didn't think this cake would taste so good!"

"Yeah, it's great," Sophie agreed. "Y'know, I didn't even think of whether the dreamsharing would allow for taste, but it does."

"Oh, ew, imagine eating but with no taste at all."

"Ew, gross."

They both laughed at that.

•~•~•~•~•~•

The more and more that Sophie shared her dreams with Linh, the more she thought that Linh wasn't a normal child. Their cultures were so different, it was unlike anything she had ever seen. She tried looking up certain things, but it didn't seem to work.

The things that they did were different too. It seemed like Linh was homeschooled, but while she knew concepts, she didn't know any famous people. The food they ate was different too. They'd done a few taste tests, and Sophie learned that mallowmelt was her new favourite thing to eat. She also learned what eating something with no taste was.

"I've never had it before," Linh had told her. "I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to taste like this."

"Maybe that's why. Maybe like how the environment is somewhere where one of us has gone to, the same applies with taste. So if neither of us have tried something, it doesn't know how to register taste."

"That makes sense."

They also played video games once, and it looked like Linh never even seen an electronic before. They played Mario Kart, a classic, and one that Sophie loved playing with her family.

She knew that Linh seemed to be East Asian, but she had no clue about the specifics. Probably Vietnamese, based on the name. But still, that didn't really help in finding out where exactly Linh was, or why she seemed so out of touch with the world. She lived in a mansion, so it wasn't like money was an issue for her.

•~•~•~•~•~•

"Okay, so..." Sophie began hesitantly. "I haven't told anyone this, but I have a question."

"I'll try my best to be accepting of whatever this is," Linh said.

Sophie sighed in relief. "Okay... so... what are your viewpoints on gender?"

"As in how the society treats people?"

"I mean..." Does she not know what I'm talking about? "Gender identity."

Linh looked confused. "What do you mean? We're both girls, that's our gender?"

At Sophie's dismayed look, she continued. "I genuinely don't understand, do you think you can explain? I'd like to know."

"Do you ever have a moment where you feel like you're not a girl?"

"Do you feel like a boy then?"

"No, not a boy. But not quite a girl either. Sometimes I feel like I'm just... something else. I don't really have words to explain it."

"I've never thought about it before," Linh admitted. "I don't think anyone where I live has ever thought that. But now that I think of it, I did find it... different that you told me your pronouns. I just said the same as I didn't know how to react."

"Oh. I see. You know how my pronouns were she/her before, right?" Sophie asked. "Can you use they/them pronouns for me instead?"

Linh nodded. "I'll do my best!"

They smiled. "That's the best I can ask for."

•~•~•~•~•~•

Sophie remembered the shopping district that Linh had taken them too a while back. It only took a second for them to realize that something was wrong. The shop's were destroyed, and their was water everywhere.

"Linh! Where are you?" Again, Sophie wished that they could sense her with their telepathy.

There was silence, except for the sound of crying.

"Linh!" They followed the sound and saw Linh curled into a ball. "Linh, what happened?"

She turned to them with red eyes. "I did this."

It looked like a flood happened. There was no way a single child would cause a flood. "I'm sure you didn't do this."

There was a sob. "No, I'm not exaggerating. Everything here, the water destroying and ruining everything, I caused it. It was all my fault!"

Something this large didn't seem like it happened due to her, but it seemed like there was no point in trying to convince her otherwise.

"How did it happen?"

"I... it all peaceful... and then- I can't say, I'm sorry."

She's stuck in this place, having to relive her trauma. That can't be good for her mentally.

"It was an accident though, right? Nothing bad will happen to you, right?"

"They won't forgive me. Mh mother and father hate me right now, they think I'm a failure. The... leaders already know, and they're going to have a meeting as to what will happen to me."

Sophie didn't know much about law, but this sounded a lot like a court meeting. "They can't do that! You're what, ten? Eleven? You're just a child!"

"They might kick me out," she whispered. "And Tam..."

"Does he blame you too?" They asked.

She shook her head. "No. But... I fear that if I get kicked out, he'll do something that gets him kicked out with me. He might put himself through lots of unnecessary pain just to stay with me."

"Do you want him to stay with you?"

"I... I do. I love him more than anyone in the world. But I can't have him go through so much pain."

"I wish I could help," they murmured. "I can't do anything physically, but I wish I could change the dream or something, and we can do something as a distraction."

"Can I hold you? I think that would help. Usually when I hold Tam, I'll feel a little better."

They scooted closer to her. She patted her lap, so Sophie moved and sat there. It was nice being held actually, but they wished that this could have happened in a more positive context.

"I don't think you're a bad person, Linh," they told her. It seemed like it was something that needed to be said. "If everyone in the world ends up hating you, I won't."

The arms around them squeezed tightly. "Thank you, Sophie."

•~•~•~•~•~•

The gaps between dreamsharing were often a little long. A few days at minimum, but there have been moments where over a month would pass by. Despite that, Sophie wasn't surprised that they were sharing a a dream the very next day.

The room was large and mostly empty. It reminded them of a movie theater, except all the seats were empty, and everything was bright. Also the seats were long rows of benches. At the centre of it all, Linh was standing there. Her hair now had silver on the tips, but they chose not to mention it.

"This is where the meeting happened," Linh said. "I'm being banished from my home. And well, Tam did what I thought he would. He's letting himself be banished so he could stay with me."

"Will you be okay?" Sophie knew that if they were to get kicked out of the house, it wouldn't go well. They'd have to get a job and find some place to stay. It'd be hard to get food. And someone like Linh- who was rich- wouldn't fare too well.

"We won't actually be all by ourselves," Linh admitted. "Our official 'home' is just for the two of us, but we'll be interacting with people who'll provide us food."

"That's not as bad as it can be, then."

"I wouldn't say that. The... place we go to, it's for people like me who did things that caused harm."

"They know that you weren't being malicious, right?" Sophie asked. "Are all those people innocent? Or are there some that might genuinely be bad?"

"I don't think all of them will be innocent. But the leaders have made their decision, and I can't disobey them. Thank you though, for caring."

"I'll always care."

•~•~•~•~•~•

The dreamsharing began to happen less often, which scared Sophie at first. They also noticed that the scenery was almost always somewhere that they'd gone to, not Linh. But that was fine with them, because it meant that Linh wasn't forced to look at the area that had been flooded.

On days when the dreams were far apart, Sophie wondered if something happened to Linh. This time, they were in Sophie's room. They were more relaxed, and while she didn't look tired, she was out of breath.

"It's tough over there, isn't it?" Sophie asked.

"Yeah, a lot of exercise and training. It's what we do everyday, and its exhausting." She flopped down on to the bed. "Oh, this feels nice."

Sophie vaguely remembered how the beds felt like in Linh's home, and if she was calling their bed nice, it meant that the living conditions wherever Linh was couldn't be that good.

"Also, Sophie?"

"Yeah?"

"What other pronouns are there?"

They hummed. "There's so many, I wouldn't be able to name them all. I can look some up on my phone and we can look at them, if you want."

That's what they ended up doing, Sophie would look at some pronouns and then say them aloud, because Linh couldn't read English.

"Wait, say that one again," Linh said.

"Ve, vem, vis, verself?"

Linh nodded, and was murmuring something under her breath. "Is there a variation of it?"

"Uh. I found ve, ver, vis, verself."

"Hmm, is there one that changes up the vis?"

"Most of them do seem to but... okay, I think I've got one. Ve, ver, ver, vers, verself."

"I like the sound of that one. But also, I still like my current pronouns."

"You don't have to give them up, you know? You could use both she and ver. You could use both at the same time, or use one at a time. It's your pronouns, you get to pick."

"I'll think about it. It's a little sudden, you know?"

"I get how you feel."

•~•~•~•~•~•

"Okay, so I have an answer."

"Ooh, what is it?'

"She/ve. Mix them up. If there's a change, I'll let you know."

"Okay!" Sophie smiled at ver. "You wanna play some video games now?"

She picked up a controller. "Of course."

•~•~•~•~•~•

"So, this is new."

They were outside this time, a large open environment. There were hundreds of trees, some bent over unnaturally. Sophie swore they'd seen something like that on the Internet before, but what was Linh doing there?

"It's been a while since we came somewhere that I was, right?" Ve said. "Just some more training here."

"Is it going okay?" They asked.

She shrugged. "It's alright, most of the time. They tried to get us to swim, but it's not going well."

Sophie remembered the image of the aftermath from that flood. Being surrounded by so much water must be difficult.

"I'm just glad you're doing okay," they murmured.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Sometimes, Sophie wondered if they had a crush on Linh. They were able to admit that ve was pretty, and the silver tipped hair of vers looked really good with her silver-blue eyes. She was also kind too, something that Sophie desperately needed from someone.

But other moments, they wondered if it would have been someone else. If they only liked Linh so much because it was quiet. If it was someone else whose was quiet, would they have crushed on them instead?

Surprisingly, they got an answer to that (the answer being no). Sophie was on a field trip at a museum when someone came up to them and was confused that they had brown eyes.

"You have brown eyes." Linh had told them, one of the very first things that she'd ever said to them.

"Well... I do. Also, the news article misgenders me, I use they/them pronouns."

They weren't sure why they felt the need to say that, especially since they were likely never going to see that person again.

"Oh," they said. "Interesting. I'm just a boy."

Then he went and pointed towards the figure of the Albertosaurus and said some weird things. He turned to leave, but then a group of kindergarteners came screaming, their mental voices even louder.

It was weird to see him with the same pained expression they bore. He must have noticed it too. Then Sophie realized something. His mind was silent. And somehow, he knew that they were a telepath. Because Fitz- that was the boy's name- was too.

It was a blur after that, they panicked and a lantern almost killed them, and then there was the revelation that Sophie wasn't human.

"Where I... come from, we all have blue eyes." Linh had said.

There was something strange, but Sophie wasn't able to put it together.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Sophie was given some time to think thing over. They weren't surprised to see that another shared dream was happening. They were considering the idea of telling Linh this, seeing how someone else would react. It would be a good way to figure out their own feelings towards all of what was going on.

"Okay, so..." Sophie began, because how did you tell someone that you weren't human?

"You look nervous, did something happen?"

"Okay, how familiar are you with... more unnatural things?"

Linh blinked, but her face was carefully blank. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, if I said that it's not just humans out there, would you believe me?"

"I believe you, but can you explain some more?"

All the tension was just coming from them, Sophie knew it. Just say it!

"So I'm a telepath, and well, I have been for years, since before we met and all. But today I met someone else who was one and he told me that I'm an elf. This sounds ridiculous, right?"

To their surprise, Linh shook their head. "You're not the only one who kept secrets."

And then ver hands were moving, and there was water swirling in the air. "I'm one too. But I'm a hydrokinetic."

"Wait... you're an elf too?"

There were so many questions, like why didn't you tell me?, but they'd be a hypocrite if they actually asked that. But also, it made sense. The blue eyes. The giant crystals and mansions.

"Yeah, I am. You said you were a telepath since you were five?"

"Fitz was surprised too."

"Fitz?"

"He's the one who found me. The telepath. Do you know him?"

"No, I don't. Kind of got banished for years, remember?"

That was another thing. Fitz mentioned how Tribunals didn't happen often, because the laws weren't broken often. But Linh, ve was banished, a decision made by the leaders. The elvin leaders. And that, with the image of the flood...

It always did seem weird that there seemed to be no sky. What if it wasn't a sky? What if it was water? And Linh said that she had caused it...

"You lost control in that place, didn't you." It wasn't a question, it was a confirmation.

"You figured that out faster than I thought. So what are you going to do now? You're an elf now."

"I don't know," they whispered. "I don't know."

"I can answer more questions about you being an elf, if you'd like?"

"That would be nice."

•~•~•~•~•~•

Adjusting to Elvin life wasn't as hard as Sophie thought it was going to be. Maybe it was because they had friends, Dex, Fitz, Biana and Keefe. And not to mention Linh.

But then there were the secret organizations, and Sophie's life was quickly becoming more and more unusual. There were the kidnappings, there was Exile and the Everblaze fires. Getting through all those ordeals was a disaster, especially when things would go wrong, when people would get hurt or even killed.

Sophie was starting to realize just how flawed the Lost Cities could be, the subtle discrimination that went on, despite the claims of being inclusive. Innocents were being harmed. Seeing how the world worked made Sophie feel even more angry for what Linh was going through.

When they got a chance to join the Black Swan, they took it. They gladly took the chance to rescue Prentice. It didn't go how it was expected, and now Sophie was going to Exillium.

There was something about the area that seemed familiar. The trees were bent over. Where did I see this before? The Internet?

The test to be divided into the hemispheres was difficult, and Sophie resorted to using fire to get out. It could have gone worse, except a hydrokinetic had saved them.

I wonder how Linh will react knowing that I'm at Exillium. Training.

•~•~•~•~•~•

The activities that needed to be done were awful. Appetite suppression was by far one of the harder ones.

There was a shade who kept talking to them, he was wondering who Sophie was exactly. And why they'd thank the hydrokinetic. There wasn't anything to it though, Sophie just wanted to thank her.

Then there was the activity for swimming. The water was a cold torrent, and it was difficult. There was someone else who was struggling- the hydrokinetic. Sophie went up to her, they wanted to help, but it was best to ask for permission first.

The hydrokinetic seemed strangely relaxed after that, as if overcoming that trial was that important to her.

The shade went up to them, asking if they wanted to know what he knew about the woods. Sophie took that chance and leapt with them.

"And you're sure I can trust you, right?" He asked, once they were alone.

"Tam... I know we can trust them."

The hydrokinetic had been silent, but then she took a step forward.

... Tam?

The hydrokinetic took off her mask. "Sophie, it's me, Linh."

Linh. Linh!

Tam turned towards ver. "That's Sophie? The person you're sharing your dream with?"

Ve nodded. "I didn't realize until they were transmitting and helping me with the water."

Sophie stood for a few more seconds, shocked. Once their brain finally processed everything, they went in and gave her a hug.

"I knew that we would meet one day," they whispered. "I'm here now."

They could see Tam looking at them with a thoughtful expression. "You helped Linh during ver toughest times. I don't know how I could thank you."

"You can help me... us."

"I can trust you," he replied. "But can I trust your friends?"

"We'll see," Linh said, finally pulling away from the hug. "What I do know is that they're going to be a big part of our lives. We've gone though a lot now, but we'll go through more together. We'll tell you what we know."

Sophie nodded. "Thank you."

•~•~•~•~•~•

"You met with the two of them by yourself?" Keefe asked.

"I needed to get the information."

"But how did you know they could he tru-"

"Keefe... I've known Linh for almost eight years, I know for a fact that I can trust her."

"Linh," Mr Forkle questioned. "Linh Song?"

They turned towards him. "How do you know who that is?"

"It's hard not to have heard of the one who accidentally flooded Atlantis," he said. "She's the one you dreamshare with, right?"

"Wait," Fitz said. "You've been dreamsharing? For eight years? How come we never knew about this?"

Sophie shrugged. "I guess I just never bothered mentioning it."

"It changes a lot," Mr Forkle added. "If ve wasn't someone trustworthy, they'd be able to utilize a lot of information about Sophie, and possible harm them more. But I also know she can be trusted."

"Did you look into my dreams?"

The dreams they shared was a private space for Sophie. For it to be intruded upon-

"I had no intention. But you do know that I was the one who would teach you things in your sleep. I wasn't able to do it during the days you dreamshared."

Oh, that made more sense.

"Linh's just like us. Children who had wrong things done to them. Ve's just trying to survive."

"If you trust ver, so do I," Biana declared.

The others nodded. "Us too."

•~•~•~•~•~•

Not once did Sophie ever think it was a mistake to trust Linh. They worked together and saved the gnomes. Ve comforted them when Keefe left for the Neverseen. They helped each other. They helped her gain better control over ver hydrokinesis, and saved Atlantis in the process. They comforted her when Tam was taken by the Neverseen.

They interacted with the natural ease that came from knowing someone for a long period of time. And Sophie knew for sure that they had a crush on Linh, and they wouldn't want to have it any other way.

Together, they all managed to defeat the Neverseen, and restore some normality to the world. With a lot of the stress gone, they found it easier to think about their feelings.

"Hey Linh?"

"Yeah?"

"I like you romantically."

She scooted closer to them, then wrapped an arm around them. "I like you too. Does that mean we date now?"

"Yeah, I'd like that."

And just because Sophie felt like it, they leaned in, and smiled when ve closed the gap between them. It took all of those years for things to get this far, and Sophie knew that there were only more things in store. But for now, they revelled in the moment.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Not adding a taglist because I did already post this before, but if you wanna be added/removed, just let me know!

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Weak ~ S.R. (part 3)(final)

A/n: Kind fo struggled to find an ending to this that I liked, so I hope you guys liked it. Side note: I was inspired by “Easy” by Camila Cabello for this part :)

Word Count: 8600+

MASTERLIST

We fall for that. Wake up, we fall again. We fall for that. Can't wait to fall again- One sip, bad for me; One hit, bad for me; One kiss, bad for me, but I give in so easily. And no thank you is how it should've gone, I should stay strong- But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that? 

It took almost an entire month before Y/n really came to terms with having actual feelings for Spencer. With a lot of help from Michael and some stern words from Hotch when she'd begun to give Spencer the cold shoulder, she'd finally sat down and really thought about it.

I mean, who wouldn't fall head over heels for Spencer Reid, am I right? He was a total dork and had the prettiest smile she'd ever seen. He also had a huge heart and when he looked at her from across the room with the look of some kicked puppy, she still couldn't help but notice how beautiful he was with even that look on his face. Not to mention how kind and considerate he was. He even tried to save people everyone else rightfully hated, because every life that kept living was a victory to him. He shut himself down and kept himself in check as not to annoy others. Y/n was the only one who willingly listened to him, and he'd been slipping recently because he didn't have her to talk to anymore. He was just a really great person... and also really, really attractive like fucking hell dial it back just a TAD for the sake of a single woman with a weak heart.

When she could finally think about it without freaking out because of her past, she approached him again. "Hey." Her voice was soft, heavy with guilt.

He was surprised when he looked up and saw her. He stood, then stepped back to try and play it off like he hadn't been incredibly eager. "H-hi." His eyebrows came together as if in the world's smallest cringe and Y/n couldn't help but smile at the adorable awkwardness.

"I, uh." Her smile wavered as she remembered why she was here. "I'm really sorry, Reid." He frowned deeply at her use of his last name so she gave in a little. "Spencer." His shoulders lifted a little. "I've kind of had a lot of thoughts up in this little noggin of mine and unfortunately my brain works slower than average so it took me some time to figure it out." She shook her head. "I'm sorry it's made it so weird between us. I hope we can still be friends?" That's not what she really wanted, but she knew that what she REALLY wanted would be forever out of her reach. Spencer would never return her feelings. She didn't deserve it. Maybe her feelings now were healthy, but back then... no. What she had said and done and thought all those years ago was inexcusable. She couldn't have a relationship like wanted to with him with a such a secret between them, and she would NEVER tell anyone about it. It was in the past, it didn't matter. Just like her real feelings for the boy wonder in front of her now.

"Of course." He seemed relieved by her words. "Did I... do something to upset you?"

She smiled. Of course he'd think it was his fault. "Never," she reassured. "I... upset myself." That was as close to the truth as she could get.

It only confused him more though. "Are you okay?"

"Please," she begged softly. "I- it won't happen again. Can we please just forget about it?" Her eyes were wide and earnest. "I promise none of us were in any danger. You just-" She sighed. She hated the thought that he might worry enough to go digging, because with his resources he might find out. "You remind me of someone in my past," she worded carefully. "Someone I hurt. And- he didn't know I hurt him, but I did. And sometimes when I look at you, I remember that version of myself and it's... difficult. But I've come to terms with it for real now, and accepted that I'm a different person now. It was years ago and I'm better, you know? So it's really happy news and nothing you need to worry about. I promise."

He seemed to calm down for real at my reassurance. "Okay," he promised. "But if you need anything-"

"I'll come to you first," Y/n declared. "Well." She got a coy smile on her face. "Second. I have an old friend who was there during the whole thing. Who helped me through it. So he might be a tad better at helping, but with his experience and your incredible mind, I'm absolutely sure that if anything comes up it won't even be an issue."

He looked a little sad. "I'm sorry I couldn't help you." He hesitated, so Y/n didn't say something in case he wanted to share something personal as she had. Now that she was sure that her old habits were long dead, she no longer felt worried about getting close to him. It was incredibly refreshing. As she'd thought, he did speak again, pulling out her thoughts so she could focus on him. "I feel like I should be able to do more for my friends. I'm trained to do this as a career, but when it comes to people I care about rather than some murderous psycho, I end up being pretty useless."

She's taken aback by his bluntness. "Are you serious?" He shrugged and she reached up to grab either side of his ace with both of her hands. He seemed surprised by the contact, but didn't pull away. He seemed even more shocked by the fact SHE hadn't pulled away from HIM. "Pen, you're like literally the smartest person I've ever met. Everyone considers you a genius, and you've earned that title time and time again- so much that it drives people crazy sometimes." They both chuckled. "Just because you're smart doesn't mean you're a mind reader though. Be nicer to yourself. Please. You deserve it."

He relaxed at her words and only then did he realize her thumb was grazing his jaw tenderly. She slowly removed her hands. He seemed like he wanted to stop her but he didn't, and she felt her stomach light on fire. "Thank you." The words were soft and warmed Y/n to her core.

Y/n shrugged. "Besides, 'The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes.' You're gonna miss things you don't want to be there. I've been the type of person people ignore when I'm upset since I'm usually pretty upbeat and get over things quickly anyway."

Spencer seemed to glitch. "What did you say?"

A blush swallowed Y/n's face as she winced back in shame. "I don't mean to blame you, I just mean that it's okay, because I'm used to handling it on my own and-"

"No," he dismissed. "The thing about observing obvious things."

It was then that she became cautious. "It's a quote from a book I read a few years ago. One of the few things I made myself remember and internalize. It made me feel better about how I... got into some tricky situations, before I learned and taught myself better and stuff."

His expression brightened. "You've read The Narrative of John Smith?"

She tried not to think about how she'd read it because she'd watched him carry around the book for months. How it had rested on the dashboard of his car and it had made her curious since he blew through books so quickly and never held onto one for long. She tried not to think about how she had gotten it to feel closer to him, reading it slowly and writing down things that she thought were neat. How Michael used those exact words she'd cherished to help counsel her in a way that got through to her in the beginning when she was drowning in guilt. "Yeah," was all she said, even as so many more thoughts raced through her mind.

"That's so wild." He seemed to catch his breath. "I've been meaning to get a copy of my own. I keep borrowing it from the library and returning it too late. It's one of my favorite books."

"No way." She laughed, trying to make it sound casual. "I still have my copy, if you want it."

The idea of reading it again seemed to excite him, making Y/n relax. "I'd love to borrow it. I have to say, I can be a little... hard on books. I have a lot of love to give them."

The joke made her relax completely, her worries rolling off her shoulder. She was a new person, living a new life that was so much better than she'd ever dreamed. "You can actually have it," she told him. "Honestly, it's kind of a reminder of some things that I don't want to remember, and I haven't read it in a long time and probably won't ever again."

"Really?"

"Really," she promised enthusiastically.

He thought for a second then that glimmer in his eyes shone, just like it always did when he got an idea. "What if I read it to you? We could make new memories. Unless you don't like the book."

Y/n laughed. "It was a little hard for me to swallow, but with someone like you to help me if I ask some questions here and there..."

"Oh absolutely," he agreed.

"Then sure." He cheered and she laughed and then Hotch called their names because they had a new case. Both of them went into the meeting beaming.

-

"Did you bring it today?" It had been six whole cases where every day Spencer would ask her the same thing, and every time she had to disappoint him because she came to work very early in the morning and returned very late at night and she always forgot it.

Not today though.

Her parted, upturned lips gave her away and Spencer jerked in excitement. "First," she began, holding up a finger as she reached into her bag. "To make up for taking ages to finally get it to you." She extended a small bag of Sour Skittles. He seemed to do that physical stutter like he always did when he was so surprised by something it was like a human glitch, eyes on the Skittles like they were going to jump out and bite his hand. "Since it took me over two months to get it to you," she said quietly. Why did he look like she was holding out a dead dog rather than a bag of candy? Then she thought about how the very first gift she'd ever given him was this exact treat. She panicked for a second. Did he know that it was a stalker after all that had given him the gift? Did he expect it to be her? Had he stopped liking this candy because of her selfish recklessness all those years ago? Oh god. "I didn't know what you liked, but they're my favorite," she rushed awkwardly, pulling her hand away. "I' sorry I didn't mean to upset you."

He caught her wrist and she looked into his eyes, ready to see accusation and anger when she did. Instead, she saw guilt. Guilt? What did he have to be sorry for? "No, I love it. Very thoughtful. I'm so sorry, I just-" He swallowed. "I haven't liked them for a while. But," and he snatched them from her hand, pointing back to her bag. She slowly took out the book and he grabbed that too. "Like I said. Here's to new beginnings. New memories with things that were once ruined but didn't deserve it." Right there he opened the bag and popped a few in his mouth. His eyes watched her as he chewed and his body seemed to relax. He then rolled up the bag so none would spill. "Maybe after work today we can meet at my place and I can read to you and we can share them together?"

His place. "I... What about my place?" He made an odd expression and she returned a sheepish one. "I'm weird about other people's places." This was absolutely true. After she'd developed her obsession with Spencer, she got nervous being too intimate with other people, in case it shifted to them instead. "Until I'm super comfortable with them. It's kind of weird, I'm sorry."

"No, I get it." And he seemed to, though it was obvious he understood the feeling rather than the context. "Your place."

Y/n went to confirm, but then Hotch came out, the look on his face that meant they had a case. "As much as I'd hate to interrupt your date," he told Reid and Y/n - both who went beet red, making the rest of the team smirk - before holding up the case file. "We have a case. You guys can do it on the plane though, or in the hotel once we get there." At our surprise, he explained further. "We're headed to Alaska, and the storms are going to be very bad this time of year. There won't be much time to call each other, so Garcia will be coming with us as well. Because of the constantly bad weather, the electronics aren't very advanced so we'll need Y/n as well to help Garcia sift through footage and get information as much as possible. Getting information on this case might need more people talking than we have time for, so Y/n will be needed in quite a few places."

Suddenly Y/n was very excited.

She was going out into the field.

Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that. I'm weak, and what's wrong with that? Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that. I'm weak- Go! But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?

Y/n was relieved that after all the hard to swallow cases, the team was finally getting reprieve from a case that was unwinding pretty quickly. Not quickly enough. Never quickly enough, as two more women turned up dead before they had a suspect who seemed to have a third lined up for her grave the next day if they didn’t do something about it.

So, they did something about it. They were working with a team, who had split up to do different things. The woman cleaned the mess left from the torture, and the man finished off the victim in her grave before leaving her body there to be found later by police. Morgan and Prentiss were going after the man, and Spencer and Y/n were supposed to infiltrate the house and hack the computer for information on where the woman was keeping the victims, since it obviously wasn’t at home. Once they did, they’d send word to Hotch and Rossi and they’d take care of the rest.

It all went wrong pretty quickly.

First of all, Spencer hadn’t the book they’d been reading together on the dashboard. It shouldn’t have been a problem, since they’d reading it together every night to unwind before bed. To distract themselves so they could actually get some sleep. Or, Spencer had been reading it to Y/n. The memory was a good one, and had been getting increasingly better. Now that Y/n had come to terms with her feelings, she felt herself easily falling into a closeness with Spencer that left them growing very close. Physically even. They were very touchy and hovered around each other. Even with Spencer’s hesitance to touch people because of his germaphobia, or Y/n’s hesitance to share bits of herself that might reveal her past. The little goodness between them amidst all the bad things was a breath of fresh air for everyone. Not even Hotch had the heart to break them apart - especially when they both deserved to be happy, and why not together?

Even now they were smiling at each other, taking comfort in each other’s presence. Y/n was nervous to be on the field, wearing a bullet proof vest just in case even though no one should have been there. With the skills she’d picked up from Garcia even in the short time she’d had and Spencer’s never failing intelligence, it was going to be an easy in and out mission. No worry.

The book shattered everything.

Or, at least, what was inside of it.

It dropped on the ground of the car and Spencer reached inside to grab it really fast and put it back on the dash. As he did so, something fell out of the later pages much further into the book. Further than where they’d gotten with Y/n’s constant questions and wanting to understand. Something that Spencer had though adorable then, but was now tainted by the thing he held in his hand.

When he didn’t move, Y/n moved over to him. “Pen? What’s wrong?” She’d begun to use the name naturally instead of his title or even first name like everyone else. Usually it made him smile, but now it made him flinch. She reached out for him and he jerked away. “Spencer?” It wasn’t how she’d referred to him in a while. It seemed to upset him even more.

The thin thing spun around in Spencer’s thin fingers so that Y/n could see the other side. When she did, her heart stopped dead in her chest. “What’s this?” Spencer demanded.

In that moment, Y/n was that same scared girl she’d been when Spencer had walked into her precinct with his team for the very first time and all she could think about was how much she didn’t want her past to come back and eat her alive and ruin her life. Because now, staring at her, was Spencer. Or, a picture of him. An extremely old picture of him. A picture that was now six years old, of a Spencer with slicked back hair and vests and glasses, looking at JJ with a huge smile on his face. It was one of the intimate photos Y/n had taken when-

“I burned all of those.” She took a step back, but the movement might as well have been a slap across Spencer’s face for how he flinched.

“You had more?” This time he looked less shocked and more angry.

Y/n tried to find some words. “Had,” she stressed, trying to come up with something. “I- not anymore, not for a long time.”

She could see the gears in his brain turning, but it didn’t seem to be much work to put the puzzle that he was trying to solve together. She thought of all the things that gave her away. The book that was one of his favorites that she just happened to have. The candy she had given him. The shame she’d been carrying with her so long, that had driven them apart even when they shared the same working space. The picture in his hand now that was from a time Y/n was not in his life. A time she should have no record of. And yet she did, and he was holding it out to her as proof.

“It was you?” His words sounded sharp and accusing. She had never heard Spencer y’all like that before.

She tried to explain. Explain how much she’d gotten better and how far she’d come since then. But the words got stuck in her throat. She deserved this. She couldn’t get that thought out of her head. She deserved this. “Spencer-“

“My name is Dr. Reid and I’m a federal agent so you better answer my fucking question.”

Her vision blurred with tears. “Yes,” she whispered. The word held so much pain and regret that Reid stepped away, looking to where there was no trace of her. It hit her then. Slipping the picture in the book as a bookmark all those years ago. It was the only time she’d ever taken a picture out of the box. She’d used it as inspiration to get through the book. Every time she set a goal, she’d save it with the picture and her prize was seeing his smile again. After she’d finished the book, she’d forgotten she’d left the picture in it.

WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HER?!

“You let me become your friend.”

A bubbling sob broke from the back of her throat. “I tried not to,” she begged him to understand. “I tried everything, but it was one thing after another and suddenly I have all these REAL feelings for you and-“ She hissed when his eyes shot back to her, hitting her like he’d hit her with his car. “Reid that was YEARS ago. I’m a totally different person now-“

“This isn’t years ago for me,” Reid snapped, his eyes wide as his mind began to reel.

Y/n looked away. She closed her eyes, feeling her heart drop into her toes. “We have to find out where the next victim is or she’s going to die. Can we talk about this later?”

“I can’t LOOK at you right now let alone with you.” He seemed panicked and Y/n flinched, recoiling. “Are you stalking everyone then?”

“I’m not stalking anyone,” Y/n defended weakly. “Stalked. Past tense.”

“Was it only me?” Spencer demanded.

The question seemed odd. “Yes?” That seemed to trouble him more. She couldn’t take it anymore though. She grabbed her pants to ground herself, turning away from him. “Let’s split up then. I’m not letting work drama cost this girl her life.” She steeled herself, wiped her tears, and then began moving inside from the back door, leaving the front door for Reid. “Just stay here.” He didn’t say anything, just stayed still and letting her go.

She slipped inside, making her way to the computer. She called Garcia as she’d been told to. “Hey G.” She frowned at the name. Did she have to leave the BAU now? If he couldn’t look at her or function, how could she stay? This might be her dream job but this was and had been his life for ages. She couldn’t take that away. No, she’d leave.

But that was later.

This was now.

She had this case to finish before anything else happened.

Garcia asked Y/n about the sniffling but Y/n brushed it off- no reason to get into why she’d been crying. And the case was more important now. Between hiding her own pain and trying to focus on hacking and finding this woman who was waiting to be saved, Y/n didn’t see the woman creep into the woman. The woman, who was one half of the unsub team, who was hefting a metal skillet in one hand and a knife in the other.

“Where’s Spencer?” Garcia asked suddenly. “He should be helping you with this.”

“Outside,” Y/n asked casually.

“What?” Garcia snapped.

Y/n didn’t get the chance to throw a response back though. A knife plunged into her gut and her mind went blank as pain erupted through her like she’d never experienced before. By some luck she knocked the skillet out of the woman’s hand, the chair falling back and the knife slipping out of her gut as she fell.

The unsub sat on Y/n’s chest, hefting the knife over her head, a grin on her face. The woman grabbed Y/n’s phone, leaving close to it. “Any last words?” She purred.

Garcia gasped. “DON’T-!”

The woman closed the phone. “Begging,” she groaned, rolling her eyes. “What a fucking waste of time.” Then she stabbed Y/n again, cutting off a scream that escaped her by some serious luck.

The thought that she was going to die here passed through Y/n’s mind as the knife left her again and she groaned, blinking as her vision began to swim. The pain was all consuming and suddenly she was fading out as the knife buried itself higher in her stomach for a third time. Only one thing left her lips. “I deserve this.”

The woman grinned even wider. “Do yourself a favor and pass out, Dearie. After you I’ll be done. That completes the cycle.”

Y/n didn’t know what the woman meant, but she gave in to the pain anyway. The last thing was her blood on the knife and the woman’s hand as she hefted it over her head to bring it down on Y/n a fourth time. The last thought she had was that she was going to die worse than alone. She was going to die at the hands of a psycho with a knife, in pain and on the floor. Her story would be told by Spencer, who didn’t understand her struggle or how far she had come. It was all over and she’d be remembered as the creepy bitch who’d stalked Spencer Reid years ago and then been unlucky enough to end up actually falling in love with him.

Splendid.

-

It was quiet in the room outside of where Y/b was still unconscious in the hospital bed. When Garcia had called Reid in a panic he had run inside, because stalker or not Y/n was part of his team and he wasn’t going to let her die just because he felt a little disturbed.

The truth was that he was actually torn in a lot of directions at the moment. Knowing that there had been two stalkers, or maybe one after the other, was an unsettling thought. If Y/n had just been watching Spencer, there was still a stalker out there watching all of them, and no way would they not be jealous of how Y/n had been successful in getting close, if they knew about it at all.

There was also the fact that Spencer had fallen really hard for Y/n. He had some very strong feelings for her, but low every memory and feeling seemed to be tainted by the image of Y/n sitting in her car outside his house, or looking over him as he slept. How long ago had she stopped? Why had she stopped? How far had she gotten with stalking him? How long had she been doing it before she stopped? He thought of the day he walked out to those Skittles on his car and his heart had completely stopped as all the stalker cases filled his head in one go, as they did now. So many more cases now though, and much more fear.

What did she know that he didn’t know she knew? That she’d learned from watching him without him knowing?

When he apprehended to woman unsub and called an ambulance for Y/n, they’d all ended up in the hospital as they too often did with cases that went just a little wrong. Hotch had wrung the story out of him and now everyone was here and had heard the full story, especially his explanation of why he let Y/n go in alone.

Eyes slowly moved to Spencer, but he couldn’t handle it. He left, making up some reason about wrapping up the case and telling the local police they’d succeeded and such to get back to the precinct and to a computer.

It took him an hour to find Michael Bills. He was Y/n’s therapist. Spencer had dug deep into Y/n to get answers to his questions. Answers he couldn’t wait to get when she woke up, because he needed them right now. She had done everything to keep Michael and her past buried, but with help from Garcia he’d been able to dig it all up.

He called Michael the second he found the connection. “This is Dr. Bills speaking, how can I-“

“Tell me what you know about Y/n,” Spencer demanded. “Please,” he added shortly as an afterthought. This man had known. He had KNOWN and he just, what, didn’t say anything? Let Y/n keep going? Let her work with Spencer?! He was in town, how did he not stop her, knowing what she did?

There was a soft sigh. “Is this Dr. Spencer Reid then?”

He didn’t seem surprised. It agitated Spencer. How much did this man know about him to be able to read the situation and put it all together so quickly? “Yes,” he finally answered.

Michael hesitated. “What do you want to know?”

“You’re just going to tell me?” Spencer asked, eyebrows knitting together. “What about Doctor-Patient confidentiality?”

A pause. “Y/n would want me to tell you. I’d rather it be me anyway. If she did it she’d be too hard on herself and no one else was there.”

“Too hard on herself?” Spencer snapped.

Another pause. “Dr. Reid, talking as a professional, Y/n was a very strange case. She came in tears, begging me to make sense of her mental state and help her get better. Told me first session that she was stalking an FBI agent and that she felt terrible for doing it but she was in too deep to stop herself. She cane to me for help, a total mess, and did every single thing I told her to do. Worked with me and was open and honest when something didn’t work. She worked two whole years to shake you from her mind and make a better life for herself. I was there when she burned the pictures. I was there when she threw away her camera and emptied her apartment of everything she could find that reminded her of you.”

“Not everything.” He was trying to find something she was still guilty of. It seemed it had been over ages ago. “She still had my favorite book. One of her pictures inside it.”

Michael hummed, considering that. “She probably missed it. Dismissed it later, as it was just a book. I... look, Dr. Reid, I can only speculate as far as that but I can tell you from first hand experience she did a 180. Coming from someone who wanted to turn her in because I didn’t want to get involved with a federal agent and his stalker, I tell you now with full confidence that Y/n is absolutely everything. Her job. Her friends. Her time. Her sanity and peace of mind. Her self respect. Coming to terms with being a creep was hard for her to do, and she still holds herself accountable for that.”

“Why did she become friends with me?” He had to know. He was desperate. He needed something to be angry at her about. How could he hold something that had ended SIX YEARS AGO over her head now? She’d saved Spencer’s life more times than she’d put it in danger. “And- and how far did she get? Does she know where I live? Did she come into my house?”

“No,” Michael rushed. “It- well this won’t be funny to you, but we used to joke that even when she was crazy she still had enough sense to draw a line. She... never followed you home. It was something she was proud of.” S long silence between the two men. “Honestly Dr. Reid, I’m going to tell you what I told her. Years ago she had an obsession with a boy she had a crush on. A fantasy where you were the center. But she broke that herself and cleaned herself up, allowing a space for you two to genuinely form a relationship. I think whatever she’s feeling now? The relationship you guys have? I think it’s genuine, and totally safe and real. I think she is as far from crazy as one can get. She pulled HERSELF away from stalking. She’d been done a year before we even started working together. Have you ever seen anyone do that?”

Spencer had to admit, he hadn’t. He also had to admit that... he had nothing to be mad at her about. I mean he did, but he was six years too late to lord this over her. She didn’t deserve to have all her hard work ignored and years erased. She didn’t deserve to have the lowest she’d ever been - the worst thing she’d ever done - shoved in her face and down her throat. She was kind and good and caring. She deserved someone who gave her the time of day and respected the shit she went through to make a real life for herself. Who recognized all she’d done to leave behind a destructive path and end up working for the FBI in the BAU, practicing to be an agent and save lives and stop people like who she’d almost become.

Spencer rubbed their bridge of his nose, sighing. “Thank you.”

He could hear the smile in Michael’s voice when the man spoke again. “My pleasure.”

Spencer ended the call, standing up from his desk. He had even lore to explain to his team, and when Y/n woke up... they had even more to talk about.

Boy oh boy I love it when I fall for that.

Y/n didn't know what people usually dreamed about when they went into a coma, but she really hoped it wasn't anything like this. She had no idea how long she'd been out, but in her little mind palace it seemed she'd been here for eons. She remembered a time before here but it was almost like a dream, or at best a story she read when she was a child. She HAD been a child after all, even though she couldn't remember it. All she could remember was here and now, sitting in the dark of nighttime in this field, fingers every so often wrapping around the grass to feel it before letting it go and going completely still before doing it again after a while. It was silent here. No wind or night animals. Just the moon and stars and the dark, tall blobs in the corners of her vision that she assumed were trees. Or some monster that was waiting to kill her. Either way she didn't have any fear for it. Monsters weren't real after all, right? She'd been sure of that once. Now she wasn't so sure though. Monsters didn't have horns and claws and fangs like she thought, but they were just as real. She saw one every time she looked in the mirror.

Is that why she was here? Was it a punishment for everything she'd done? Had it been so wrong that she had been trapped here in this eternal nighttime, unable to move as she looked at the stars and wondered when something would happen? Nothing did happen though. She just sat there in the dark, alone. At least the air wasn't too cold and the ground was comfortable.

Hold on that wasn't right. She wasn't a monster. She'd seen monsters. She'd seen the blood on their hands, and the hunger for more of it in their eyes. She had seen the pile of bodies and the tension in bodies that would never truly leave, even if they did survive. She'd seen people get murdered live and watched as people other than just the monster with its fingers around her neck got off on it like it was some kind of porn. She'd seen a monster have sex with its girlfriend in the places it killed other women. She'd seen people murder those they loved most because they thought it would help increase their luck. She'd seen fantasies so thick and twisted that it didn't even make sense to those with normal minds. Those like her who knew when a line had been crossed.

She wasn't like those people. She had been headed down that path, changing into one of them, but she had stopped herself. She'd never be able to cover all the scars from the healing it had taken to e herself again, but she was herself as much as she could be after flipping everything on its head and making it out for the better. Well, as herself as she could be without going back to old habits. Better than her original self, even.

She was a good person. She'd made mistakes, but she'd also made up for them god damnit. She'd sacrificed everything to make herself a person who made life better for others. She didn't deserve to be alone in a field, surrounded by maybe trees maybe monsters with no grasp on the past and therefore no acknowledgement of the future. She didn't deserve to sit in the dark with no good company, trying to make sense of the here-and-now foggy place her mind had been wedged.

It was that thought that pulled her out of it. Pulled away from the dark forest with the stars that began to disappear as shadowy figures stepped int he way of her seeing them. Pulled away from the sleep, jerking her awake, eyes shooting wide as her body spasmmed, hands wrapped tightly around her sheets. Tears were already streaming down her face and something was beeping sporadically. A burning pain ripped through her body and all she could see was the last thing that had been there before she'd been taken to that place that was nowhere and everywhere all at once. A hand gripped her arm and she screamed, her vision blurred by her tears.

"Y/n." That voice. She knew that voice. It cut through her panic, such a familiar sound with so much care and concern in it. A voice she never thought she'd hear again, let alone with those emotions in it. Her eyes focused as her gaze sought out the face she was so hoping to see. To her relief, her eyes locked with another pair, brown and large with concern and warm.

"Spencer?" She croaked out, leaning away in surprise.

The room grew still and quiet until Y/n's head cleared and slowly everything came back piece by piece. The room was full of who she guessed was now her ex-coworkers. People she saw once as family, but now knew probably hated her. No one could make eye contact with her except Spencer. They were too busy looking at him as he looked at her. Y/n felt her head fall as she looked at her lap in shame. She wanted to apologize. She wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole. She wanted none of them to be there. Why didn't she just wake up alone?

When she went to pull her knees to her chest to hide her face, she winced, her hand shooting to her stomach. "Careful," a nearby doctor warned her. "You'll pull your stitches.

Then her mind cleared more, and she remembered the woman above her. The sick smile that twisted her face as the knife went in and out of Y/n again and again. Y/n closed her eyes, leaning back into bed and pulling the blanket over her head, groaning softly. Now that it seemed her freak out had passed, everyone was filing out of the room. Had they been outside waiting for her to wake up? Maybe they felt obligated since they had a relationship with her, even though they probably didn't want to anymore. Maybe they were just waiting to say goodbye and fire her.

Her mind began racing, filling with thoughts that made her chest hurt much more than her stomach did. When it went quiet outside and she thought she was alone, she began crying. She moved her hand against her mouth to muffle it, but allowed herself to let go and release the little sobs she'd been locking within. Her worst fear had come true. Her past mistakes had unearthed and were ruining her life once again. All the friendships she'd made. The job she so loved and was looking forward to becoming a bigger part in was being taken from her before she could even really start.

A hand skimmed her shoulder and she squeaked and jumped, moving her blanket down in surprise. To her horror, none other than Dr. Reid himself was sitting in the chair next to her bed, looking rather upset. He probably was listening to her self pity and loathing it. Loathing that she could feel bad for herself when he probably felt she deserved every injury she'd gotten. Did he hate her that much? Was everything so far ruined in such a short time? If she could go back in time she'd go back to the first day she saw him in that stupid coffee shop and strangle herself. How could she have been so stupid?

Self loathing like she'd not felt since she'd first realized how messed up she was began to rise up in her chest and consume her. Her chest restricted and her heart began to burn. Her throat closed and she found she couldn't breathe. "I-" She cut off, her eyebrows coming together as her face tensed as she struggled to breathe.

Spencer's concern grew. "Are you okay?"

Her hand rose to her chest, trying to massage it as if it was a tight muscle rather than a panic attack. She knew herself well enough to know that's what it was. She used to get these all the time, and still did occasionally. It started when she'd had a breakdown over her actions against Spencer and hadn't left her fully since. "I'm- fine," she managed, her face contorting further at the pain it caused her. "I-" She sucked in a breath and felt it get lodged in her throat.

"Panic attack," Spencer realized quietly.

"I'm-" But again it was cut off as she winced, shaking her head. She covered her face.

Spencer reached over, grabbing a pen off a nearby desk. It looked to be some sort of table, with food on top of it. It must have had wheels, because he pulled on it and it moved closer. He moved the food off, putting the desk in between them and setting the pen on top. "Can I show you something?" She looked over, feeling the urge to snap at him but holding it back because he didn't deserve that. Why didn't he just leave? "I can move this pen with my mind," he told her confidently. "Do you want to see?"

That caught her attention. "Uh-" But then she winced again.

He took that as a yes and stood up. He picked up the pen, holding it out for her to see. "Give me a second as I..." He rubbed it on his pants. "I have to charge it with static electricity. It makes the pen move better and connects it to my mind so I can move it better."

"So you move it with static electricity?" She asks quietly. Her words were a little breathless but came nonetheless.

He tried to hide a smile and failed. "No. I move it with my mind." She rolled her eyes and he chuckled. He placed it back on the table when he finished "charging" it and then pointed at it, sitting back down. "Now, watch this." She did just that, her eyes on the pen on the table and his finger as he pointed to it. His finger began to move forward and to her shock and wonder, the pen began to roll along with it. It went on and on until it fell off the end of the other side of the table, his hand dropping to catch it at the last second.

"Okay that was not some static electricity bullshit," Y/n accused, pointing her own finger but at him rather than at a pen on a table. "How did you do that?"

The grin on Spencer's face was contagious, pulling up Y/n's own lips. "A magician never reveals his secrets, you know that." She rolled her eyes and laughed and he relaxed. "You feel better?"

His words made her stop short. "You... Yeah." Her chest had loosened and her body had relaxed. There's wasn't any pain. She could breathe just fine. "How did you do that?"

"Distraction." That was an answer he could give her. "I took your focus away from what you were thinking and feeling and it allowed your body to move on more quickly."

Y/n was quiet for a few seconds. Long enough that the silence was noticeable and Spencer felt the urge to reach out and comfort Y/n when she looked away from him. "Why did you help me?"

He knew what the real questions behind that was and he sighed. "I talked to Michael." She looked up at him sharply. He was already looking back and their eyes locked. There was no judgement in his gaze and it surprised her. "I was... a little freaked out at first. The BAU has a stalker. One that's been following all of us and has been killing people to show that he knows our cases. Sending us gifts to let us know he's there. I thought you were..."

Y/n shook her head. "God no. I could never kill anyone, Spencer."

"I know." He offered a small smile. "Six years ago huh?"

A small groan came from Y/n. "I hate thinking about it." She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "And I don't expect you to forgive me, Spenc-" He cut off, shaking her head. "Dr. Reid. I don't expect you to trust me again either. And I especially don't expect you to work me considering you don't trust me, so I'm quitting."

Spencer jerked. "Y/n, this is your dream job. What you've always wanted."

She nodded. "I know that, but there are other things that people do. I don't expect people will hire me as an officer of any kind once this goes on my record, so I'll just have to do..." She shrugged, her face set as she glared at her hands. "Something else."

"You're an idiot." She looked over, confused, to see him smiling. "I know why you're doing this, and you're a total idiot." She didn't know what to say to that, so Spencer simply continued. "Did you know that a few years ago I was kidnapped during a case? I was drugged really badly. So much so that I got addicted while on it. Or maybe it was before when I found more of it once I was home and continued to use it. Either way, it got bad pretty fast. Hotch found out and told me that he would have to let me go if this continued. You can't give someone who's drugged a gun. I even... came to work once." He winced and Y/n felt her heart shatter in her chest. She knew what he was talking about. She remembered that span of time he seemed off. Distant and faded. She'd thought it had been the job getting to him. Maybe depression. Shed never imagined something like this. "If we were all judged by the worst things we'd ever done. Held accountable for mistakes we made years ago. If we were all judged based on the lowest points in our life, I wouldn't be here either." He reached forward, taking one of her hands between two of his. "I'd like you to stay. You add a very important piece to our team, and... I'd miss you. You're my friend, Y/n. No matter what you did over half a decade ago, YOU stopped it and got better. You didn't have to be stopped by someone else. You changed it made a better life for yourself and now we have a relationship that is very real and I don't have many of those." He looked at her and suddenly 'friendship' sounded different when he said it. "I'd like you to stay."

Well, how could she say no to that?

-

"So what's going on with you two?"

Y/n was half asleep, her head on Spencer's shoulder. After she'd gotten out of the hospital and returned to work her and Spencer had been inseparable. Now that the air was clear they could be honest with each other. They still weren't doing anything about the feelings they both seemed to have. Y/n was nervous to cross that line and Spencer wanted her to feel free to take things as slow as needed. He'd be lying if he didn't admit that he also needed time to come to terms with her past himself. They'd had a long talk about it, with Y/n telling him what she knew and how far she'd gone in stalking him. It had been a hard thing to hear, but most of the information was fuzzy for her to recall or outdated, so it didn't matter. Even more had been overlapped by what she'd learned naturally through their current friendship, so that helped. In return of his forgiveness, she'd gone on a rant of all the stupid things she did in high school - not something he'd asked her to do, but something she'd insisted on anyway. He'd been laughing so hard at the end of her most embarrassing high school moments that all had been forgiven and it didn't seem as weird anymore. Maybe he just had a higher tolerance than he should.

Now they were here, much closer and familiar with each other as well as much more open and honest. Y/n never pressured Spencer to tell her anything, sensing the line he'd silently drawn of her getting too much into his business. She chose to be quite open herself though. To the whole team, not just Spencer. The team thought there would have been more hesitance, but before Spencer knew about all of this and it had put a little chip into their relationships, he'd been pretty sure of much stronger feelings than friendship so it had progressed pretty quickly.

It didn't matter what either of them had done in the past. They were much more concerned with what they were doing it now, and making sure that they did as much of it as possible together.

Spencer chose to hum rather than shrug, in favor of not waking Y/n. "I like her. She likes me."

"And everything else?" It was Morgan asking. The man was always protective of Spencer, but Y/n had been his friend too and he felt the need to have her back as well. Of this whole thing went south it might end up REALLY ugly.

"It doesn't matter," Spencer decided. And then he let it go. And Y/n felt her own chest release, finally really setting all those old fears free. It just didn't matter anymore.

Morgan nodded though Y/n couldn't see that. "Cool."

And that was the end of it.

-

"I can't believe it's real," Y/n whispered softly. She had gone through school. She was graduated. She was a REAL member of the BAU now. Badge and gun and all. She thought of her younger self looking at that TV screen as she watched the news as a child, and how proud that little girl would be to see who she had grown up to be. Her eyes turned to her friends. "I did it."

Spencer moved forward first. "And now there's something I have to do." They hadn't been as close since Y/n had gone to school, but they still talked all they could and hung out around their schedules. The most they'd seen each other was between calls at work - but then it was mostly dead bodies talk and asking her to research people who might be killers, or at least connected to them. Now was one of the few times they'd been in person, and would be the first of many as she'd be following them on cases rather than staying behind with Garcia.

He took the pause of a moment to grab her face, pulling their lips together, and she let him. They'd made a deal to wait until she was graduated so that neither of them were distracted amidst all the very important things that required their attention more. Now they didn't have to wait anymore.

The rest of the team cheered and hooted and hollered but the kiss didn't last long. It wasn't a surprise, but it had been long awaited and even the chaste exchange was something to be celebrated.

"To the future?" Y/n offered quietly.

"To the future," Spencer agreed.

"As long as you guys aren't idiots on the field," Emily groaned. Her smile let them know she was joking though.

"No promises," Y/n responded easily, the two separating so she could sass her friends that had become family so quickly. "Especially to you." She smirked and the room erupted in laughter and acknowledgement of Y/n's jab at Emily.

Yeah, they were going to be just fine.

-

Tag List: @ajwantsapancake @urie-bowie-mercury

Spencer Readers: @realimbo

[peachyteabuck]

hustle make you high (sub!lance tucker x femdom!reader)

summary: it’s your anniversary, and this is how you and lance celebrate

pairing: sub!lance tucker x femdom!reader

words: 2,395

trigger warnings: femdom, riding, restraints

ask box / masterlist / faq / ko-fi

Lance Tucker is nothing short of an absolute fucking asshole. He’s stubborn, way too observant in the absolute worst way, and blunt to a fault. No matter where he is and what he’s supposed to be doing, Lance Tucker will find a way to tell you why what you’re doing is 1) wrong, 2) that it annoys him, 3) that you’re a terrible person, and 4) that he doesn’t like you.

Anyone who knew Lance Tucker when he was still competing knows that he’s a stuck-up asswipe of a gymnast, and he only got worse when he began coaching. A control freak with a God complex, the man will push any button to remain in charge of any and all situations that he is involved in. The man is focused on his fame (or, more accurately, the perception of fame) than anything else, especially the feelings of other people.

In short, he’s a total, utter dick.

God, you’re totally and completely in love with him.

He’s a fantastic husband in every sense of the word, along with being a wonderful friend. He’s sweet and caring, always putting your needs over his own. He remembers every anniversary, every birthday, every small achievement in relation to your work.

You absolutely fell in love with him on your first date together, it didn’t even take an hour for you to know he was the one. It was a blind date, set up by two of your mutual friends. Well, actually, it was a bet between the two of them. One thought you two would be too different to hit it off, but the second person knew better - much, much better.

On your first date, Lance was a bumbling mess who could barely get out a sentence. It was positively adorable. Lance was chivalrous, sweet. Everything, and you mean everything you had heard about him had been completely and utterly false. He asked you about what you did for work, why you chose your incredibly boring field of a tax law, what it was like, and so on. He took a genuine interest in you, what you did, who you were as a person. It was so completely different from every other guy you’d ever tried to date and it was so refreshing.

When you asked about him, though, he seemed even more nervous than before. He stuttered, and it was obvious he was worried of what you would think of him. When he dropped you off at your house (and walked you to your door - what a gentleman), you kissed him on the cheek and he blushed like a schoolgirl and bit his lip like a teen caught in a massive crush.

You loved it.

Immediately after you got all your makeup off and changed into a more comfortable outfit (your first date had been a fancy dinner halfway across town and all you wanted to do was wear sweatpants, take your bra off, and wear the comfiest/grossest shirt you could find), you scheduled your next date. It was the week after when you met at your favorite small coffee shop right after the lunch rush. You and Lance talked for hours about your lives and what you wanted out of them. You asked him about training and a gym addition he was planning; he asked you about a case you were thinking of taking up. When he had to leave for a night session with a girl who missed the morning one, you went for it and kissed him. Just straight up. He seemed stunned, but after the initial shock wore off he went in for another. It was magical. His hands tenderly placed themselves on your waist, resting on your thick green sweater. You wrapped your arms around his neck, locking him close to you. The only thing that could’ve made it better was if there was a small drizzle of rain, a way to seal the romantic moment.

When you stepped away, the dopey look that flashed on his face made you want even more. You wanted to mess up his perfectly gelled hair and jump his bones.

But you were a lady, and ladies wait until the third date. And, if that third date happened to be less than forty-eight hours later, that’s okay. It was dinner at your place. Normally, you’d mind always making the first move. But something about Lance convinced you that you being a driving force was okay. You guessed that it wasn’t that he didn’t want to initiate a lot of things, it’s just that he was nervous. And if you liked anything, it was making extremely pretty boys extremely nervous. Maybe it was because you’ve always liked control. Maybe it was because your desk job made you feel useless. Maybe it was because things you’ve always liked things that made you feel like you were sexy, a feeling you’ve never really felt before.

Either way, that night, you were getting it. You were determined to fuck him (with his consent…of course…). You didn’t care if that meant some boring missionary shit or you riding his dick and/or his face for two hours; you two were cumming. Together. Coming together.

The meal you had cooked was normally pretty simple, but instead of just roasted chicken slices you cooked an entire one so you could carve it. You thought it would be a good thing to take your sexual frustration on (since you know…large knives and stuff).

The man of the hour arrived at six o’clock sharp, just as you’d instructed him to. It took all of your might not to cum right then and there, not only because he had followed orders, but also because he was punctual. It’s one of your biggest pet peeves - when people don’t show up on time, and it happens all the time at work. The last thing you want is to come home to someone who can’t find a place on time. It sent a shiver up your spine as you wiped your hands on a dish towel before you went to open the door.

Lance was dressed the sexiest you’d ever seen him. His jeans were tight, and his shirt hugged his body like latex. It was white, and you could almost see his obnoxious tattoo through it. It took all of you not to pull him in the door by his neckline and suck him off right then and there. Just a second, Y/N, let the man have dinner first, is all you could do to keep yourself from jumping him right then and there.

Ever the gentleman, he also brought you some flowers.

That’s when you decided to get your power back. As you and him made small talk (he mostly just asked about your home, which you happily answered), you “struggled” to find a vase.

In truth, you know where the want you want is, it’s up high. Despite this, you choose to look through all of the lower cabinets, so you can show off how tight the dress you’re wearing is.

It’s obvious when he catches sight of your ass, because Lance immediately stops speaking. The only sound in the kitchen is the sizzling of green beans. When you turn around, faux-perplexed as to the whereabouts of your favorite crystal vase, Lance is smirking.

“I thought you said the bank turned you down for that loan,” the line is shaky, he’s obviously nervous as he says it. It makes you quiver a little, admittedly. You love making boys nervous.”

You shake your head, confused. “If you’re trying to hit on me by bringing up the worst part of this year…”

Lance immediately backtracks. “No, no I mean, that like they said you didn’t have any…assets…”

That’s when you get it. He’s trying to creatively compliment your figure. You break down giggling, flustered. “That’s…that’s good. I haven’t heard that one before.”

When you finally “find” the vase, you realize it’s a little higher than you remember. You need help reaching it for real…and-

Shit. This isn’t how you planned for the night to go.

“I, uh,” You gulp, turning back around with heat dusting your cheeks. “Can you help me reach the vase?”

Lance laughs and gets up, moving to easily grab what you cannot.

That is the first time you see the now-famous tattoo up close, and the first time you drag his face down to your level so that you can make out with him against your kitchen counter.

Now, after three years of dating and four years of marriage, nothing has changed between you two.

He may have become an incredibly selective and successful coach; you may have become a partner at your firm. You may have moved to a house that’s better for entertaining his gymnasts and your lawyer friends/foes/potential clients. You may have adopted some cats. Everyone may have called you a power couple and banned both of you from drinking at any and all office parties at both of your jobs. Some coworkers may have also had to be convinced not to tell your respective bosses about you making out (and worse) in bathrooms and empty conference rooms and storage closets and each of your offices.

But in your relationship? Nope.

You still absolutely adore each other. Lance still gets those flutters in his stomach that always make him stutter around you. You still love making him nervous. Most importantly, you both still loving having sex. Together. With each other.

Some nights are lighter than others, some require days of planning. You’re (mostly) past hook ups in utility closets, preferring to sleep in your own bed.  

Which is why you tease him all throughout dinner, flat out banning him from clearing it of its contents and thereby not allowing him to fuck you on it.

This is likely why when you lure him upstairs and push him onto the bed, he immediately becomes pliant.

It’s cute, almost, the way he’s reacting to your touch, how his breath hitches when your nails trace over his muscles – his shirt long discarded and you looming over him.

“You want me to tie you up, baby?” you coo, heat in your center pulsing as he moans. “You want me to fuck myself down on your cock while all you can do is watch?”

Lance whines high in his throat, nodding.

“Yes, please tie me up,” he moans.

And who are you to deny him?

You abide by his wishes easily, undressing him the rest of the way before tying his arms and legs so that he lays spread-eagle in the center of the bed.

Once he’s secured you strip yourself, removing each item of clothing slowly as he strains his neck to watch you.

“God you’re so beautiful,” he moans. “Please fuck me!”

You smile as – finally – your panties are discarded. Wordlessly you climb over him once more, aligning him with your dripping center, moaning lewdly as he bottoms out.  

“Please let me touch you,” Lance groans, pulling at the restraints. “C’mon, let me make you feel good.”

“I’ll think about it,” you mumble breathlessly as you used your hips to grind down onto his cock. “Let me feel you first.”

“God I love your pussy,” he moans, hands flexing in their fixed position. “Fuck it feels so good!”

You giggle, grinding down onto his cock. Maybe it’s because you’ve forced him into abstinence for the past week, maybe it’s because it’s your anniversary and you’ve been stuck in this hazy love cloud for days.

“You want me to untie you?” You ask. Immediately, Lance is moaning and nodding his head deliriously. “You want your hands on me while I cum on your cock?”

“Fuck yes!” Lance begs, fucking harder into you. “God please let me touch you, oh my God.”

You unclick the ankle restraints first, then lean forward to free his wrists, using his chest for balance.

“Your tits look really good at this angle,” he says with one of his big, show-stopping smiles.

You laugh as you readjust, moaning as you slide back onto the cock. “Yeah? They still look good from here, too?”

Lance’s hands roam your body, landing on your ass. “Hell yeah, they do.”

You ride him with everything you have, moaning in tandem with him.

“C-can I rub your clit?” he asks, head thrown back and eyes screwed shut. “Can I please make you cum?”

You smile, tossing your hair to the side and gazing down at him. “Yes, but you can’t cum yet.”

Lance looks pained at not being allowed to cum but remains eager to give you pleasure – sucking his thumb into his mouth before quickly finding the most sensitive part of you.

It doesn’t take long before you’re coming undone with him inside of you – eyes rolling back in bliss.

It’s only when the ringing in your ears stops when you see Lance is nearly lost to his own pleasure.

You smack his right thigh to remind him of his place. “Don’t forget to ask permission, baby,” you hit the left one slightly harder. “It’s our anniversary, but it doesn’t mean our rules have been suspended.”

Lance struggles to swallow before speaking. “Please, can I come? I need to come-“

“Not yet,” you hiss, not letting him finish. You continue to ride him, slowly moving your hips up and down as your eyes roll back once more.

Lance, in all his obedience, could never give up his stubbornness.

“Please!” he cries out, tension in his voice indicating how close he really is.

You smile as you grind down on his cock once more. “Cum.”

His face immediately relaxes, head thrown back and mouth agape as he comes inside of you with moan so loud you worry the glass of water next to the bed will shatter.

“Oh, fuck that feels good,” he says, panting. “Your pussy always feels so fucking good.”

You laugh, also breathless. “I appreciate it.”

It takes a minute for you to find the energy, but eventually to grab a tissue to clean off before crawling back into bed with your husband.  

You curl up into Lance’s chest, tracing random patterns into his sweaty skin.

“Happy anniversary, baby,” he says, chest rumbling as he does so.

“Happy anniversary,” you say back, leaving a small kiss over one of his deepest bruises.

[skysybil]

Penumbra Superlatives: Most Likely To Be A Dark Matters NPC

The people demanded it, and I am indeed a magnanimous conspiracy theory machine, so here is my incredibly ridiculous reasoning behind my “who is in the dark matters simulation and who is fake” ranking, found here. Thank you to my partner for listening to me yell about this for 24 hours straight now. Man, I am gonna look like an idiot if this isn’t a Dark Matters induced simulation or dream in the end with how all-in I’ve been going with this.

Also, if you guys ever want me to lay out every fucking tiny detail I’ve seen that I think points to it being a simulation, I’ll do that too. Please validate me.

This is insanely long, it’s like two to three paragraphs for every member of the space family. This is kind of shameful, I almost feel bad. I’ll be your best friend forever if you read it all. Also, I’m putting it below the cut for everyone’s sanity. Anyway, let’s go lesbians, let’s go!

First, in the “definitely an active participant” category: Rrrrrita!

I’ll admit, it’s genuinely really hard to tell what discrepancies in the story are suspicious simulation details and what is just Rita being a particularly unreliable narrator. However, my first general point towards Rita being an active participant/player/whatever you want to call it is the fact that we’re experiencing this through her perspective! I think it would be really cool to tell the story from the perspective of a caricature puppeted by Dark Matters, but I feel like it would be way more obvious in gaps in her thinking patterns if she was fake. Honestly, I personally think it would be impossible to run it from the perspective of one of these NPCs (as i’m calling them) anyway, because... you know, they probably don’t have much in the way of thoughts in the first place. 

Plus, out of everyone in the group, she is most likely to be plucked out of a group of criminals by Dark Matters to recruit. Sasha knows her (or at least knows of her) and how good she is at her job. I’m sure she’s got a target on her back as someone that’s too powerful (seriously, I pray for the universe the day Rita realizes just how quickly she could take over the world--see: my THEIA Rita AU that i came up with this morning which I might post about later), but I’m also pretty sure killing Rita would be seen as a wasted opportunity. This could just be another test, just like Day That Wouldn’t Die but in an even more controlled environment. The perfect trap, the perfect test--hopefully for perfect results. And with how she tends to get caught up in glamour and drama or get distracted so easily, she’s one of the easiest members of the group to trick into not questioning the little discrepancies that comes from living in a lie.

---

Next, Vespa. Love of my life and the only other member of the Carte Blanche crew that I’m almost totally sure is sharing space in this simulation.

She’s in a similar position that she’s a valuable asset for Dark Matters to try and take on--especially if they can use her past debts as blackmail or something along those lines. She’s a damn good assassin and they tend to specialize in making people disappear. Why wouldn’t they seize the opportunity to test her and see if she could truly work for them? Dark Matters also seems to lack an ethical core, to say the least, and if they consider her past trauma and her illness to be an issue, I’m sure they wouldn’t be against trying to “fix” her in their horribly scummy ways just so she could be a better killer for their organization. It could also be related to her skills as a doctor with the crew, to be fair--while Rita is off building robots and trying to break into a super secret base, Vespa is repairing the entire medical wing, an incredibly suspicious task when apparently enough of the ship survived that Rita’s computers are okay, the entire crew is unscathed, and the Ruby isn’t a warped hunk of metal.

Though she is also very likely to be nabbed by Dark Matters as an opportunity, the main condemning thing against Vespa being an NPC is the conversation we overhear with Buddy. No one else knows that Vespa considered or decided on leaving the crew. We can’t say that’s a part of Rita’s mind affecting the simulation around her because Rita doesn’t know, and it’s not information that could be hacked, either. It was just in her mind. Unless Dark Matters has their hands on new mind reading technology (oh god, not this shit again), there’s no way that the scene with Vespa and Buddy could exist unless Vespa is also inhabiting the simulation. Every scene they choose to include is deliberate. To rule Vespa out of the plan, all it would’ve taken was likely just Vespa being her normal defensive self. Why would they include a scene with a look into that vulnerability if it didn’t matter?

Speaking of the Vespa and Buddy scene--but why would Vespa snap at Rita that badly if she’s real, you might ask. You’re right, Vespa is aggressive but not that aggressive normally, and it stood out in the few interactions we saw. In Vespa’s defense, if she is participating in this simulation, she is understandably freaked the fuck out. Vespa spends every day of her life hyperaware of what might be real and what might be fake around her. She’s most likely to figure out that something is very wrong first simply because of that trait. How much of her mind is Dark Matters manipulating? Would DM have to simulate her hallucinations, or would that come naturally along with her mind being stuck in this simulation? I imagine that for every discrepancy we’ve picked up on, she’s picked up on six--but she no longer has the explanation of it being a hallucination. I imagine it’s frustrating and terrifying for her. I’d be on edge, too!

---

Moving into our next category: “probably in the simulation”, with our only candidate Buddy.

Buddy is my question mark character. We barely interacted with her this episode. From what I can tell, most of what we saw from her seems in character, and she had some wicked fucking lines. I’m sorry, I refuse to give Dark Matters credit for the line “If you imagine all that could go wrong, all you’ve done is drag yourself through a thousand disasters. And even in the worst-case scenario, you will only need to live through one.” Because it genuinely made me feel better in real life, goddammit.

Buddy is mostly in this category for lack of evidence, both with the lack of interaction and with how Rita kind of glazed over the family meeting with her distractions. So, it’s hard to say. I’d love to hear others’ theories on Buddy’s place in this.

---

Now, we cross the threshold into those that are probably not in the simulation, or are acting incredibly suspicious: the “on thin fucking ice” category. First, Peter. 

Can this bastard decide on his personality for two whole minutes so I can get a handle on the little intricacies of the new Ransom persona? No? Goddammit. It’s hard to tell how much of the way he acted was genuinely suspicious and how much of it is the mask he’s put on for Peter Ransom. While he’s adopted the old name, he hasn’t adopted his old personality, so it’s near impossible to get good points of comparison on this new view. We’ve seen inside his head with this persona, sure, but we can’t compare the way he spoke and acted in his head with how he holds himself in front of Rita--he’s always going to choose his level of vulnerability based off of the least trusted person in the room. He’s not to that place with Rita yet. He’s going to have walls and facades up that he won’t have in front of Juno, or in front of himself. He can’t make it easy on him.

But that does not mean I can’t be suspicious of him, because I am. Fuck you, Nureyev, I’m still coming for you. Mainly, I’m squinting at his reaction to Rita’s plans and his lack of reaction to her openly talking about the two of them in an established relationship. We know damn well that Peter and Juno are not at that place yet. Why, do you ask? Because I trust that Sophie and Kevin wouldn’t take that moment from us. We’ve had three and a half years of slowburn buildup on Jupeter! We would not skip from “tentatively talking and trying to learn communication through ‘’’’’’poetry’’’’’’ and shit” to “established lovey dovey relationship” without being let in on it. I doubt Peter would let comments like the ones Rita made really slide in front of Juno--after all, the last time he admitted he was in love, Juno fucking left, and I bet there’s a lot of reluctance or trauma surrounding that. Yet he let it slide anyway.

Still, because Peter is a wild card, there’s still a possibility that his non-reaction was a defense mechanism or part of the Ransom facade (after all, he had to pretend he was in better standing with Juno than he actually was at first to keep his place in the family). The most suspicious thing he did in that conversation, in my opinion, was agree not to let anyone else know about the plan. He knows damn well that he is on thin ice with everyone in the crew except for Juno and Rita. Trust is in short supply for him and keeping his position in the family is incredibly important to him, both so he can find a way to pay off his debts and so he can pursue this shaky relationship he’s started to piece back together with Juno. Yet he hops right in with barely any pushback when it comes to keeping this Incredibly Vital And Important Plan a complete secret. Plus, you know, he supposedly couldn’t even stand, yet walked all the way to the computer cave. Sure, maybe Juno carried him, but I’d fully expect something like Juno picking him up to be a joke written into the script. I feel like it was deliberately left out.

Still, the only real glimpse of Peter that Dark Matters has ever had was of Rex Glass, and Peter definitely isn’t acting like his Rex persona, so how would they really know to get his personality around the Aurinko family to where it is? I suppose that could be attributed to Rita, Vespa, and/or Buddy shaping the simulation around them.

Tl;dr on the Peter section: He’s almost definitely an NPC but nothing is certain with a man whose entire sense of self is based off of an elaborate web of lies and inconsistencies.

---

Also probably an NPC, but I’m not sure, thus on thin fucking ice: Jet.

You cannot tell me for one fucking second that Jet doesn’t know the Ruby 7 inside and out. That car is his baby. He’s torn the car apart and repaired it more than anyone else, and you’re telling me he doesn’t understand the core functions of the car--the engine, the fuel tank? No fucking way. I don’t have 3.5 paragraphs of speculation for Jet, I’m just so hung up on the fucking car thing. His personality fits well, which is the one string I’m holding onto that makes him maybe possibly an actual human being, but I feel like Dark Matters fucked up by trying to fill in the blanks on the Ruby 7. That’s where I think the issue comes from--the reason there’s a part in the Ruby that Jet doesn’t understand is because DM doesn’t know how the Ruby works, and they tried to put in what they imagined could power it or fuzz over the details. But I will cry if the Ruby was actually destroyed in the crash, there’s no recovering from that.

---

And finally, if you’ve made it this far and not left after whispering to yourself holy shit, she’s insane, she’s absolutely insane, how much does this woman talk, we have the final category: unfortunately an NPC. And holy shit, is Juno 100% not in this simulation or being almost entirely puppeted by Dark Matters.

I genuinely can’t get into all my reasoning behind Juno being a puppet here without going on forever and doubling the length of this post, and I’ve put you through so much already. But every inch of Juno is suspicious, down to his tone of voice. Look, I’m happy to see him happy. But it just seems like a jump--just like as I discussed in the Peter section with the Jupeter relationship. It feels like we skipped something, or missed something. This is my theory: Juno has been crafted based off of how Sasha Wire knew him when she saw him last. He doesn’t have reactions that are quite right to the computers, to Peter, to anyone, really. Everything felt just a little off--until he got frustrated. Then he became more realistically Juno. I think this might be because Sasha is basing a comfortable and happy Juno (the one she assumes he must be around the people on the ship, especially Peter if she knows they’re romantically involved) off of the Juno she interacted with when they were younger, which is just off in comparison to the Juno we know now. She can build a more three dimensional Juno in the situations she’s familiar with, like a bored Juno, a frustrated Juno, or an angry Juno. She’s got the one-liners down, I’ll give her that.

I’m also just in general not surprised if Sasha is just keeping him separate from the rest of them. Possibly to try and talk him out of the family, get him untangled from the Dark Matters mess? Plus, he’s incredibly perceptive, and might be considered a risk to the simulation if he was in it. 

Also, the out-of-universe evidence: I am 100% convinced that the reason the episode script came out late is because it had to be edited to remove some of the directions, possibly suspicious things like “too cheery”. Specifically, I think one of Juno’s significant directions is missing. It’s hard to put exactly what kind of direction is missing into words because I don’t know anything about script writing, but I just... I have a feeling. Trust me on this. I’ve seen other people on Twitter talk about it too, I’m not the only one. I stand by it.

---

Anyway, since I want to keep my Juno-specific speculation as short as possible, that’s all, folks. If you stayed this long, genuinely I love you so much and I would give my life for you, message me or mention it in the tags that you made it all the way and maybe we could be mutuals or friends!! I love to ramble about this kind of thing. Follow me for more aimless speculation, hopefully not 2.5k words next time. If you have any questions or other stuff to discuss also mention it and I might post about it later!

Update: If you’re interested in the simulation theory, here’s the link to a post I just made laying out all my conspiracy theory evidence for it.

[catchlalune]

Original artwork here

a/n: Hello starbursts! Happy Juneteenth and I hope everyone is staying safe and still quarantining! This fic is very different from my usual works so I need to preface this in my authors note that all of the characters in the story are pretty awful. If you find yourself in any of these situations PLEASE seek help. I wrote this to highlight these issues and you should think of it much like a modern day Romeo and Juliette story (and what I mean by that is that everyone in that story was incredibly dense and really could’ve solved a lot of their issues by talking and working through things together.) Thank you to @skzctnightnight​ and @pockpop​ for actually helping me maintain my motivation for finishing writing in an actual day. (also tagging @jejublr​ )

Word Count: 3.6k 

Pairings: Lucas x Reader

Genre: Angst, CEO! Au, Arranged Marriage 

Warnings: unhealthy relationships, smut, abusive relationship (this is not between the reader and Lucas), this again is to highlight how awful people can be this is an extremely toxic scenario so please don’t read if you will be triggered. Also not proofread yet but I plan on fixing it later

This is not in any way, shape, or form meant to say that I believe Lucas is like this in the slightest. I am using his likeness to portray a completely fictional character and that is all. 

The entirety of the two years she has spent with Lucas culminates to the two of them in this moment. The sinful sounds the two of them make as skin slaps on skin. The feel of him inside her. Everything is hot and wet and passionate. As passionate as the kisses they’ve always shared. As hot as the sun on their skin as they sit and laugh in the sun, Lucas’ parents included. As wet as the rain as it pours outside, slapping on the pavement in hard droplets. 

They say that if it rains on your wedding day it means the relationship is meant to last forever. But what does it mean when it happens on a day of goodbyes? Are you fated to never say hello again? 

Whatever it means does not matter much to the two of them. Lucas is too busy coaxing his cock in and out of her to think of much other than their combined pleasure. They draw this out for as long as they possibly can. They know what will happen when they finish. But still Lucas must bring her to the apex of her pleasure, circling her throbbing bud as he stoaks the fire inside her belly. Her toes tingle, eyes shut tight and breathing ragged. Her fingers pinch and rub at her nipples until she's shaking. 

She comes undone with a sweet groan, gripping him until he releases into the condom. 

They lay there in the darkness of the night, the only illumination being the red of the alarm clock on Lucas’ bedside table. Glaringly it tells them the time but they ignore it as it looks in on them. It judges silently as the time reaches hours close enough for the sun to claw its way above civilization. They grasp for each other in the post-coituous haze. It does not matter, no matter how tightly they cling.

“I want to stay like this forever.” His whispers sound like music to her ears, the song of a siren. 

She does not answer him, anything she wants to say is caught in her throat. The memories that flood her mind hurt her before his words even can. Distinctly she remembers his mother telling her about the arranged marriage proposal from before he was even a child. Lucas doesn’t even know, she hadn’t even known up until two weeks ago. Their two year relationship had suddenly been reduced to nothing by those words. And his mother had been so casual about it, telling her as they searched for Lucas’ birthday present as if it was nothing more than an afterthought. ‘And  by the way, you will never be able to have my son. Not completely.’ 

She doesn’t realize the sobs that wrack her until Lucas pulls her close. He coos at her about how she always gets so emotional after sex. He jokes, tries to lighten the mood but nothing will quiet her mind. Not really. She knows that their graduation tomorrow means the end of this, of them. She knows she should at least tell him why, but she can’t bring herself to say the words. 

Instead she lets him hum the both of them to sleep, Lucas feeling bad about not being able to cure her of whatever ails her. She speaks to him after a brief period of rest, words hardly above the sound of the rustling of sheets. 

“Maybe we could’ve been, in another world.”

By the time he wakes the sun is just rising over the horizon, alarm clock blaring, and the bed cold. He doesn’t have to wait long to find out she is no longer with him. Some part of him feels the dread, knows something must’ve been wrong but he tries to brush it off. He does a good job of it too until he realizes he can’t reach her. Her number automatically disconnects, her things are no longer at her dorm room, and he doesn’t even catch a glimpse of her at graduation. When it is time for her to walk the stage there is a pregnant pause and the name of the graduate. He can’t imagine what must have happened to make her miss her own college graduation but he can’t even find the time to worry. Not when his parents are there and tell him the truth. 

---

“If I have to listen to another man tell me about how to run my own business I just might shoot myself in the foot.” 

Already the span of time has reached six long years. Leaving him was a decision she did not pride herself on. Some nights ended with dreams, ghosts of memories too long passed. Echoes of a time she felt safe, felt confident. Now she stands in the lobby of a convention center trying to figure out which panel would aggravate her the least. Two more long days she would have to deal with the misogyny, usually her patience wouldn’t be so thin but she hasn’t been able to sleep very well recently. She wakes up with the feel and taste of him on her. She feels dirty.

“I agree, we can do it together.” The woman-- who she hadn’t noticed-- smiles at her so brightly it makes her a bit uncomfortable. She was very pretty, the image of most men’s dreams probably. Perfectly manicured nails, long pin-straight hair, skin a milky complexion, lips a shade of pink that was not too bold and not too flirty. The woman also wears a dress she vaguely remembers seeing in a high fashion magazine not too long ago whilst waiting at the doctor's office-- in another word: expensive. She feels a bit embarrassed to have said that so loud where others could obviously hear her. It was obvious she was being watched, she was a woman in a man's world she was always being watched. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Don’t worry about it. Your secret is safe with me!” The woman takes a moment to wink at her, she shifts on her feet still feeling a bit awkward. “My name’s Jaeun, you’re the CEO of Xuxi’s Publishing Group, correct? I’ve been trying to find you all day.” 

Jaeun launches into a story about how she’d stumbled upon her company and relaxes her enough for the two of them to have a conversation about things other than business. It had been such a long time since she had a friend and talking to Jaeun was extremely easy. Maybe it was the way she seemed so bright and bubbly, or even the way she navigated conversations with a natural grace. Whatever it was, Jaeun quickly became a staple in her life for the next two days. 

And then it all comes crashing down on her, just like the rain on that night it rains the last day of the convention. It comes down so hard it resonates within the convention center. But that’s not what she’s focused on. Jaeun had offered for her to meet her husband and his parents excitedly yesterday after talking to her about the lack of business prospects. It was supposed to be relaxed and informal but she was on absolute high alert. 

The years were kind to him in a way that she considered unfair. He was even more beautiful than the night she left him. 

“There you are! This is my husband Lucas. I showed him your business proposal and he wants to have a meeting for a merger.” 

--

It’s no more than a few days after the convention that he shows up on her doorstep in business casual attire that puts hers to shame. She’s not even sure if it was actually smart for them to be left alone together but she swallows the lump in her throat and lets in him. She offers him a plate of food that she made for their lunch but he declines. He does the same to her offer for water and coffee as well. He’s been there all of five minutes and already her palms are sweating. She almost feels silly as he tells her that she can eat, always feeling like the one taking instead of giving. 

"Do you really like her as a friend?" A strange conversation for him to start, but he needed to vet her nonetheless. 

"Yes." There is no doubt in her words, they are hard and come out leaving no room for doubt.

"Do you love and cherish her?"

"Of course I do, it's been so long since finding a friend like her." She fiddles with her fork wondering why this was being asked to her and not the other way around. 

"You know I think she loves you too. I don't know about cherish, that's a good change word. It's just that her mom is so skeptical of everyone, it's better that she doesn't get too close." 

"I know, but it doesn't change my answer. "

There's a brief pause between them before he speaks again, a small smile on his face. 

"I almost wish I was in an arranged marriage with you. I think it would be easy to fall in love. Should I just end it with her? You know I could." He says it with such conviction it makes her heart flutter. 

"Don't say things like that. Jaeun really likes you, she really wants to make it work." It almost sickened her how easy it was for him to just say those words to her. Maybe it was easy for him, but what about her friend? She was groomed her whole life for him. The way he would easily throw her away for another makes her resolve to forget the butterflies in her stomach that much stronger. 

"Let's get down to business now shall we? You came here to talk about a merger." She looks at him with her eyes and jaw set and he knows. He knows he is going to fall into her head first and drown. He knows that she is so loyal to her morals and her friendship that she would willingly let any sparks for him fizzle out and die. He knows it, and yet the beating of his heart only gets faster. 

"Let's."

She is exactly how he remembers her. And the way he remembers her is very intimate. If he closes his eyes he can faintly feel the way her body would meld perfectly against him. Lips laying kisses across the expanse of his visage. The smell of her, fresh and sweet; the smell of citrus and a hint of honey with jasmine blooms. He can still feel the way their hearts beat at each others ribcage, trying to find a way out and meld together. But they never did, and they never will. 

It has already been two weeks since their meeting and business between them is going off without a hitch. But of course that's all that is going on between them, business. She is just as intelligent and bright as she always has been and it seems if only she had been dealt a luckier hand in life her business would've surpassed his years ago. He shouldn't be but she makes it so easy to remember their summer tryst. She makes it so easy to remember how he cares for her. 

Even at the company dinner she makes it easy, she glides through the room as if on air. Her pantsuit hugs her body in all the right places. He takes note of how it makes her stand out, of the power she exudes just by making a not so orthodox outfit choice. Of course some of the men would think she was a hardass because of it, but when she saunters away with a pretty brunette and stay in the bathroom longer than socially acceptable they begin to think other things. Of course even if these things are true it's none of their business and he tells them just that. Reminding them of the company rules against harassment and intimidation. 

This doesn't stop him from waiting for her though. After another ten minutes the brunette slipping out from the bathroom a satiated look on her face Lucas is waiting. He keeps his eyes trained on the bathroom door but when he feels it's been too long he doesn't wait anymore. It is a company wide policy that most bathrooms be gender neutral and luckily this was one such one. He makes his way quietly into the single toilet, he tells himself it's just to make sure that she's okay. But when he sees the way she looks he can't help but ask her. 

"Did you have fun?" It's an innocent enough question but the implications of it are anything but innocent. 

"Are you mad?" She doesn't even startle at his presence, as if she knew he would be looking for her. It takes him a second to really be able to answer her. He thinks about it long and hard.

"I can't be mad, because I was the one that let you slip away from me." He regards her with a soft wisftfulness that makes both their hearts ache. It hurts to look at her lipstick smudged and hair disheveled when he wasn't the one who's done it. He wonders if the woman she's just hooked up with knows. 

"If I had held you longer, maybe you wouldn't have slipped out of the bed that night. We could've woken up to each other we could've-" 

"You know that's not true. Don't even pretend for a second your parents would've given up your arranged marriage." 

"We don't know that, we could've been more persistent! We could've begged." His eyes are alight, wild with all of the things he might have done to stay with her had he known it would hurt him this much. 

"No, it wouldn't have changed anything. Just like every other rich person the only thing you and your whole family value is money and power. It doesn't matter how much they liked me." The words come out of her mouth as sharp as razor blades and they cut. They cut so deep and so hot it almost makes him dizzy. He knows she doesn't mean it, she's just upset because he'd almost caused her friendship to fall through. He deserves it but just because it was true about his parents doesn't mean it was for him. 

"You don't understand how much I love you." He steps forward, tears threatening to pour down his beautiful face. She will regret her next words for the rest of her life. But she must say them even if they aren't true, even if they hinder her from happiness. 

"I understand, but it's that my understanding does not matter. Jaeun loves you." Her words echo through different times and spaces it seems. They beat at the two of them brutally. They make it hard to breathe. 

"Do you love me?" He steps closer, words falling from his lips like water from a faucet. They begin to flood the room with their intensity, the water is at their shins. She steps back. 

"Jaeun loves you." A shake of her head and the room is flooded higher, the water at their hips now. He takes another step forward. 

"Do you love me?" The words are at their chests now and she shakes her head again, tears mirroring the ones steaming down his face. 

"Jaeun loves you." He stops when she is almost against the wall but doesn't proceed forward. 

"Do you love Jaeun?" 

"I do, with all that is in me. She's been my only friend through all of this. I can't betray her." The words are at their throats now, they choke her so that her speech is airy and labored. They press at her chest. He knew that he would drown in her, he just didn't realize he would never be saved. 

"But loving me, you already have." He steps away and she can already breathe better when her senses aren't so full of him. 

"I never said-" 

"You didn't have to." The smile he gives her is preposterously solemn for such a wide showcase of his teeth. 

"Jaeun loves you." She whispers back to him, head bowed and eyes looking at the shiny leather of his shoes. 

"I know, but I love you. " He turns away from her and begins his exit and subsequently his descent into madness. Every step he takes from her causes her to fall just a bit closer to the floor, by the time he is gone she is already on her knees gasping for air. 

Jaeun waits for him outside the room with an eerily stoic face. He knows she has heard everything but he doesn't care, he hopes she wants a divorce but to his surprise she offers him her usual smile. Normally he'd think it was full of charm but her words...her very words tell him she was simply a snake all along. 

"Let's go home, I'll help you forget about her." 

They were so caught up in the turmoil of their relationship they hadn't even seen the signs. The seeds that Jaeun had sowed. And now, they played right into her hand. But for her sake, he'd do everything to make sure she wouldn't find out.

"I don't need or want whatever it is you're offering me. What I want is for you to get the fuck away from me." His words come out scathing, he puts every bit of malice he can into each and every letter. But it just makes Jaeun laugh, she then fixes him with a look so sinister it almost makes him shiver. 

"Don't be silly. The second the two of you got together there was already a due date on your relationship. You were never meant to be forever, there was a deadline and it ended exactly when I decided it to. Really it's your fault for ever getting involved with her in the first place." She ends it with a sneer marring her pretty features and so loud he hushes her fearing that his lover might hear. 

"Is it really my fault?" The thought seems ludicrous to him but all Jaeun needs is that inch of doubt in his voice to take it a full mile. 

"Of course it is baby, you're just as awful as I am. But it's okay, I forgive you." He lets her pull him away after that, head so clouded with her words he can barely manage to walk correctly. It was true, he knew he was getting an arranged marriage and his parents knew but still he…

He would make sure that she'd be happy anyway he could even if it meant being in a relationship with Jaeun. 

The years spread between them like a desert, sands of time speeding up and slowing down in frequent intervals that they can't change though sometimes they wish they could. Lucas' marriage to Jaeun is nothing more than a facade and his deserves an Oscar for his performance every time she comes around. Sometimes he wonders why Jaeun keeps her if she doesn't really see her as a friend but then remembers that Jaeun is cruel and enjoys watching the two of them pine. Whenever he kisses Jaeun he feels her lips ghosting across his own. Whenever he touches Jaeun he feels her skin soft and supple. Whenever he fucks Jaeun he really wishes he could make love to her. And whenever he sees their daughter though he loves her to death, he wishes her mother was another woman. He especially wishes it when she comes around to babysit. 

Jaeun takes her cruelty to a whole new degree when she begins to ask her "friend" to babysit for her. 'She's just so tired and Lucas is always so busy.' And it isn't entirely a lie, but Lucas had long since been working from home just to be able to catch a glimpse of her in passing. He didn't think his heart could ache more but it does the moment he hears it. He watches from around the corner to the kitchen, peering in and spying like a shadow.

"Mommy can we have chicken for lunch?" His daughter had just begun to learn how to enunciate her words better. Four years old and Jaeun had hardly stepped in to care for the child, she wasn't a mother any more than she was a wife this much was evident from their daughters words. 

"I'm not your mommy darling, you can call me auntie though." She bends down to pat Jisoo on the head. Eyes tender with a longing she could not put into words. 

"But you act like a mommy, can't you be my mommy? Can we please have chicken?" The four year old pouts up at her, Lucas nearly swoons. Everyone knows that it's true, even the maid and butler agreed she was a much better fit for Jaeun at motherhood. But secrets should never be uttered aloud. 

"We can have chicken Jisoo, but you can't keep calling me that. At least not in front of everyone." Jisoo lights up at the prospect of some kind of compromise. 

"Does that mean I can still call you mommy?" She hushes the child and leans in close to her. Lucas has to strain to hear the words that come from her. 

"Yes, but only when we're alone and you have to be very quiet. It'll be our little secret, promise?" She holds out her pinky for Jisoo to wrap her smaller one around. 

Lucas returns to his office with a smile on his face, something he'd not worn in such a long time the staff gave him strange looks, whispers of rumors beginning. It made no difference to him, he'd just been so happy to keep their secret safe. A secret made for two. 

[analyzingadventure]

Psi: What we’ve learned so far (1-8)

Before we get into the actual thing, I wanna explain what this post is going to be about and why I’m writing it; if you’re not really interested in that you can skip ahead

On my first watch of Psi’s first 19 episodes, I’ve had this struggle with the series. To me it has often felt like the world of Psi feels empty and hollow, the characters shallow, and the pacing of the first arc has felt off, like the pace of the overall story going at a snail’s pace and little to nothing actually happening in each episode.

Now there’s three main elements that I think could be causing this impression on me. First, it’s the unavoidable comparison to Adventure, a series I am far too familiar with for my own good if we’re being honest, and a series where I could probably list off every imporant detail from each episode from sheer memory. Second, I often enjoy a series better on a rewatch, my first impressions tend to be incredibly luke-warm and because I’ve only experienced the story once, I don’t remember it quite as well as something I’ve seen at least a dozen times. So between these two factors, it is very possible that my first impression of Psi’s first 19 episodes has felt as negative as it did due to nostalgic overfamiliarity vs unfamiliar first impressions.

But there is that third factor too. It is entirely possible that Psi just isn’t written like Adventure (not nececarily better, more like “in a way that panders to me”), and my observations of it so far have been accurate

And really, I just want to get to the bottom of it. I want to try and figure out why Psi has felt the way it has to me so far, and that is why I’m going to make these posts (because this post is way too long already and I had to split it into two parts)

So what this is going to be is quite simple to be honest; like I mentioned above, I could probably list every major story element in Adventure for each episode from memory, where as with Psi I can’t do that. So in this post I am just going to rewatch each episode of Psi and write down what we learn about the series in each episode; what we learn about the world, the characters, the mechanics, the lore, the beings that live in it. This is mainly so that I can form a better, slightly more objective view of Psi in my mind instead of depending on the vague memory I have of it so far.

And yes, this is going to be just, mostly, me writing bullet point notes of obvious things we learn in each episode; not plot summaries or a timeline of key-events, just things we can “learn” from the episode. For example, while a Digimon evolving is a key-event, if we don’t learn anything new about the Digimon that relates to their backstory or personality, then it’s not worth mentioning, and will try to do my best to not repeat information that gets re-inforced through out different episodes. Also, this isn’t a critique of Psi’s writing

Also, I am going to do my best to write these from the perspective of “not knowing anything”, in the sense that I’m trying to parse out info and write it out like someone who knows nothing about Digimon would be able to get out of it. Also, I won’t nececarily write these in the order they happen in the episode, rather I might write what we learn from specific subjects in bulk (character establishment, world building, etc)

One last thing, I could possibly do this for Adventure later on, just for comparison’s sake, if I have the time, but first let’s just start with this.

Episode 1: Tokyo Digital Crisis

Opening Monologue doesn’t get too many points for what we learn from it as it is an opening monologue, stating kind of obvious stuff we’ll learn very fast, but none the less; it’s the year 2020, our world is connected by the Network, and in there live Digimon

Tachikawa Computer; minor foreshadowing for later

We're introduced to the main character Taichi, supporting cast Koushirou, getting a decent idea of their main personality traits (Taichi is friendly and very open, while Koushirou is polite, a little bit more withdrawn/closed) and briefly get to see Hikari (as well as Mama Yagami and Miiko)

Taichi is putting great effort into preparing for the summer camp; he’s the type of person who likes to plan ahead it seems. That said he can also rush into action without thinking if he’s worried enough/the situation is dire enough; this is elaborated when Taichi learns his family could be in danger, when he leaps in to catch the falling Koromon, or when he leaps into battle with Agumon

Taichi is surprisingly calm when realizing he’s been spirited away and sees a weird little disembodied pink head floating in space, only really appearing shock after a small dinosaur speaks to him; he sometimes needs a moment for everything to settle in before he even knows how to react

Taichi is more than willing to get physical beat up weird monsters

Koromon knows Taichi’s name, and Taichi somehow heard Koromon calling him; there’s a mysterious connection between these two

Agumon is more than happy to see Taichi, immidiately willing to both protect him and help him achieve his goals; Agumon seems to love Taichi unconditionally, despite only meeting him for the first time

We learn that one of the primary features of Digimon is their ability to evolve, Koromon evolving all the way to Greymon and the unnamed enemy’s (Algomon’s) evolutions being examples of this

There is a mysterious, unknown force in this universe, one that tends to manifest in the form of mysterious, glowing symbols (the Crests), that will appear in certain moments to certain people (our main characters), almost like it’s reacting to said people’s actions and/or feelings

Taichi and Koushirou are both granted mysterious devices, which we soon learn can be used for communication purposes as well as evolution, the devices coming from seemingly the same mysterious light/force as the symbols

Digimon causing issues within the Network have an immidiate effect in the electronics of the Human World, and the Digimon rampaging in the Network are willing to hurt and kill other Digimon too (not that many seem to be present there); they are an active threat to everyone but themselves and need to be dealt with

We see glimpses of other children who seem to have a 6th sense, reacting to Taichi’s actions (establishing the connection between the kids); foreshadowing

Taichi and Koushirou aren’t the only ones who have been sucked into this mess with Digimon, there’s another child within the Network as well, with his own Digimon along side hime

Episode 2: War Game

The villian of this Opening Arc, the Algomon, seems to act like a hivemind

Yamato is established as being distant and somewhat cold, seemingly uninterested in others as he’s more focused on other (more imporant?) things. He also seems to be more experienced in dealing with the Digital World/Digimon (in Taichi’s mind who wonders how experienced Yamato really is with Digimon). Despite how cold he seems from the outsite however, Yamato will quietly make plans and put them into motion, expecting others to catch on and follow up. His general unwillingless to intentionally and clearly team up is a character flaw for him though, it causes issues during battle and it’s something he struggles with. But he also worries about causing harm to Garurumon (and Greymon), so he does care for the well-being of others; all of this could suggest that Yamato is a tsundere

Greymon and Garurumon are established as knowing each other, implying they have a history

Greymon and Garurumon both tell the kids they can handle the rough plan; they’re comforting

The episode fleshes out the severity of the danger Digimon rampaging within the Network can cause; it can reach nuclear disaster leveks

We learn that Digimon can fuse

Feathers appear to Hikari and Takeru; foreshadowing for later. When the feathers touch their hands, mysterious symbols appear once more, implying a connection between them coming in contact with the feathers (and what they symbolize) and the fusion of Digimon

Episode 3: And to the Digital World

Taichi clearly loves his sister and takes good care of her

Hikari seems to know more than she lets on

A connection between Yamato and Takeru is established, as well as the fact that Yamato isn’t in Tokyo (at the moment at least)

Sora is established, us learning that she is a character much respected and liked by her classmate and that she and Taichi know each other really well (also we see an unnamed character fumbling comedically; foreshadowing for later)

When the danger was cleared, Taichi and Yamato were returned were they came from; whatever summoned them will also return them when their duty has been completed

A new mysterious threat is introduced to have been born, its birth causing massive power outtages and electrical issues

We see three lights fly through the gates of the Network, followed by three other lights;we learn that six children have been spirited away

We see the Digital World for the first time. Unlike the Network’s surreal, Tron-like landscapes with no sentient life in sight, nor water, clouds, plants or anything, the Digital World is alive and beautiful, though clearly fantastical based on the strange, arching mountains in the distance, and it’s fantastic, digital inhabitants

The fused Digimon is super duper strong and has some special powers that Greymon and Garurumon didn’t have; there’s a distinct difference in the level of power

Episode 4: Birdramon Soars

We get to know Sora a lot better in this episode, she could be described as being Just Really Cool; she seems to be super chill (not like “laid back”, more “cool”), taking in being thrown into a different world really well and calmly, not even surprised by the existence of Digimon aside from them being able to talk. Sora was also in the middle of buying supplies to get through the power outtages before getting summoned to the DW, so she’s come in well-prepared. Whether she went out to buy the supplies because she was requested to, or she did out of her own inniative, it does indicate she’s very responsible and trusthworthy. Much like Taichi too, Sora isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty, being more than willing to come rescue Piyomon from the mouth of a giant mantis monster

Piyomon, scared out of her mind, doesn’t really do or say much for a long time, only clinging onto Sora for her dear life, until a calm washes over her as she seems to remember or recognise something; when Piyomon wakes up, she knows Sora’s name without ever being told it, much like how Agumon knew Taichi’s name, and Piyomon tells Sora she’s been waiting for her. Sora being present also brought confidence to Piyomon, inspiring her to be active instead of fleeing from danger, as she now has someone to protect.

We’re introduced to the kind Tentomon and his odd Osaka-accent; Tentomon, being more familiar with his home world, explained all sorts of things to Koushirou. Tentomon, much like a parent would, thanked Taichi “for looking after Koushirou”, indicating that while the two have only known each other for a short time, Tentomon is very fond of Koushirou, much like Agumon is of Taichi

We are introduced to an ominous silhouette, most likely a future villian

The DW lies within the deepest part of the Network, so the DW isn’t a separate world from the Network, just a specific section of it. Also, athough we had previously not seen Digimon the Net beyond the relevant characters Whamon being there do imply that some Digimon do indeed just like to hang out within the Network

Within the Digital World there are tablets and stone ruins of an ancient civilization, with text written on them; the Digivice react to the ancient texts, guiding the children to them and using the children as vessels, translate the message to them. The texts are instructions to guide the children, meaning whoever wrote them centuries ago, for-saw the coming of the children. At the mountain we see more ruins mysterious writings and ancient statues of winged figures. If it is a temple as Sora thinks, then that implies the existence of a religion that is or was worshipped in this world

Moving away from the lake, what we next see of the DW looks like a tropical paradise, with lots of lush jungles and forests with plants both familiar and strange. But through out the world there are these tiny visual “glitches” all around, small colorful lines and dots scattered through out, which give the world a subtle, artificial feel. There’s also a glittery rainbow mountain in the distance, further driving in the point that we aren’t in Japan anymore

We do learn that despite the world looking like a paradise, the Digimon do seem to hunt and eat each other for food; the aren’t many food sources then (like Meat Trees), or if there are, some Digimon ignore those for the Fresh Meat instead

The episode starts out kind of suggesting that maybe Sora ended up in the Digital World by accident, but as the episode progresses it gives out suggestions and hints that maybe Sora didn’t come by accident after all until she finally gets her Digivice. This is foreshadowing for the idea that none of the Children came by accident, they were brought there on purpose and for a reason.

We learn that while the kids can make the Digimon evolve, the Digimon will revert back once a danger is cleared

Episode 5: The Holy Digimon

Koushirou can remain calm even when swallowed by a Digimon, as long as he has his comfort item (tablet); foreshadowing for later

Koushirou can be a little bit shy, embarassed to repeat himself saying that maybe they were meant to meet

Tentomon really loves Koushirou

We learn that Orgemon (whose name we learn in this episode) can’t speak very clearly, which probably implies he’s not very smart; not all Digimon have the capacity to full-speech it seems

We see the super ominous silhouette of a yet unnamed villian sending orders to Orgemon; we have a hierachy, and this guy is at the top of it

We learn for sure that the kids are being specifically targetted and being tracked by the dark Digimon, the troops being lead by Orgemon and some small surveilance Digimon (SoundBirdmon) that can control other Digimon with the power of sound, as well as send messages between Digimon

The Holy Digimon tells us that the warriors that fought in the war long ago were reborn, Agumon, Piyomon and Tentomon being the reincarnations; the three take notice of specific Digimon in the Holy Digimon’s vision (themselves no doubt) and the sight brings them to tears; although they can’t remember anything, their souls/hearts can, and what they experienced must’ve been sad

Agumon doesn’t remember evolving into Omegamon, despite remembering meeting Taichi; this must imply that evolving to Omegamon was a blur even for him

There once was a large city in the location of the temple, with beautiful, artistic architecture; the former civilization here was truly prosperous

The rainbow glitter wasn’t as much of a mountain as it was a desert (or a mountain range, hard to tell which)

We learn that this land mass of unknown size (is it an island or is it a continent? Never stated) isn’t the only ones, there’s oceans at least one continent beyond it, its name being Cloud Continent

We see a small village in the middle of the forest, the houses looking sort of like hollowed out pumpkins with palm leaves coming from the top; while major civilization has crumbled in this post-apocalyptic Digital World, with most Digimon seeming to live on their own like, minding their own business, some Digimon do form communities

We learn the name of the Digivice

We learn that the statues at the temple are depictions of certain Holy Digimon, and that with the last of their powers they had left a message for the children from beyond the grave as they’ve passed a long time ago

The Holy Digimon had had a premonition that human children equipped with Digivices, also known as the Chosen Children, were “a power” that could surprass the natural law of evolution

It’s not quite explicit, but we are vaguely introduced to the evolution stages and their names (the natural law of evolution)

We gain confirmation that the feathers we have seen through out the series so far are indeed connected to the Holy Digimon

We learn that the Holy Digimon were ones that “governed the good of the Digital World”, most of them and the city that once stood in the place of the temple perishing in a great war between light and dark when dark Digimon disturbed the balance between the two.

The major parties on the side of light in that war were a great army of holy Digimon, eight special holy Digimon, six warriors and even Omegamon, who managed to vanquish the darkness at the cost of their own lives

We do learn that the six warriors turned into eggs, and are told that the Chosen Children would appear to guide the ressurected souls once the enemy would make a move once more

We learn that Taichi and co must go find the Holy Digimon of Light and Hope at the Cloud Continent as they will fight along side them against the dark Digimon

Although the Network is tightly connected to the Human World, the Digital World isn’t; disaster taking place there won’t affect the Human World. We also learn that monitoring the spread of dark in the Network is impossible to do from the Digital World

Episode 6: The Targeted Kingdom

We’re introduced to Mimi, the queen of Mimi Kingdom, the village we saw in the previous episode that she took over between being spirited away and Taichi’s group arriving.

Mimi, much like Sora is pretty cool with the situation she’s in. Ehile we do learn she was lonely after being stranded in the DW alone, after Palmon joined her side she’s been seemingly a-okay, not afraid at all of being (as far as she knows) the only human in a different world. In fact she is super into ensuring her kingdom remains peaceful and her underlings well-fed, as she has put great efforts into making sure Tuskmon don’t come and steal all the fruit the Tanemon live on. Mimi has a kind heart, and that she hates seeing others suffer.

We also learn the Tachikawa Industries we had heard about was her family’s, her grandpa being the chairman. Mimi’s grandpa must be important to her as hearing his words on video touched her, reminding Mimi she has to do what she can, which to her translated to taking care of her adorable underlings. Those same words later inspire her to leave her beloved kingdom behind to help the other kids

Palmon adores Mimi a lot, acting in a kind of enabling way, playing into and encouraging the whole Queen-thing just to make sure Mimi’s confortable and happy, feeling loved.

The Tanemon have a signaling system to pass messages on; whether this system was set up and taught to the Tanemon by Mimi or if they have invented it before Mimi took the kingdom over is unclear

Although Orgemon seems to lack intelligence based on his very basic speech, we do learn that he is a Digimon of honor, and losing his horn has gravely hurt his honor

This landmass does seem to be mostly forest as far as the eye can see (aside from the rainbow mountain range/dunes and the lake-area)

We learn time passes at a different rate between the Human World and Digital World, the DW being much faster, the time becoming more distorted the deeper into the Network you go (the Digivices somehow bypass the distortion to ensure communication happens at the same rate)

We see what a near-death Digimon looks like; colors washed out, glitching in and out a little, but evolution will instantly heal the Digimon from that near-death state back to full health  

Episode 7: That Boy is Kido Jyou

We learn Mimi likes tea and has been teaching Palmon how to make tea; she also seems to enjoy things that make her come off like she’s a KIND, LOVING pampered rich kid, as indicated by her cup and chair etc

We learn that Palmon was familiar with the area and was able to guide the kids to the ocean (something Agumon and Piyomon couldn’t do)

Jyou is so serious about passing his exams it’s kind of becoming an unhealthy obsession for him, to the point he might somewhat lash out and take his anger out by beating up trees and even self-harming. This kid, is super stressed out, the weight of his family’s achievements (everyone being doctors) really pushing him down. Due to this, he is super unwilling to go save the world, all that matters to him is making sure he can study and pass his exams so he can have a prosperous future. Jyou also doesn’t seem to like himself much, as he asks if Gomamon was disappointed by what his partner human was like

Jyou is studying for his exams, as he has priorities set straight and nothing will stop him from passing his tests, not even being spirited away into a different world all alone. While seeing other kids did make him somewhat glad, it was only because he assumed it meant there was a way out of this world so he could get back to his life.

Although Jyou said he wouldn’t participate in the world saving business, he did keep an eye Gomamon, and seeing him get hurt did send Jyou running; while Jyou tried to seem like he didn’t care, he did, a lot

Unlike Jyou, Gomamon is super willing to go save the world; if Jyou’s duty is to study, Gomamon’s duty is to save the world, and Gomamon would like it if Jyou realized they share their duties. Even without Jyou, Gomamon is willing to help as much as he can, even if he’s alone

Gomamon is super observant, seeing how and why Jyou is struggling, and he just wants to help Jyou too, Gomamon even “nursed Jyou” back to health after finding him passed out in the DW

We learn that Taichi, Sora and Jyou (as well as Koushirou) do go to the same school, its name being Musako Elementary

The hut we’ve seen was either built by Gomamon (which implies that Gomamon is super crafty), an unknown party or was always there; Jyou didn’t build it as he woke up inside it after Gomamon brought him there

In the Human World we see it is now evening, the kids having been spirited away sometime around noon-afternoon.

We do see that Jyou has spent at least one night in the DW, which could mean the other kids have as well, if not even more

Episode 8: The Children’s Attack

Ikkakumon is strong enough to swim across the ocean while carrying 4 kids and 3 Child Digimon

We learn Jyou gets motion sickness and that he can’t swim

Jyou is somewhat irritated and/or imidated by a kid 3 years younger than him having so much info and being more aware of the current situation, which ties into his need of trying to be in-control of the situation and lead the group; this leads to Jyou trying to be responsible and ensure everyone survives unharmed by surrendering to the enemy (his heart is in the right place)

We learn that Yamato has been on his own this whole time; considdering the other kids were brought to this world, scattered around a little, it is possible Yamato was brought directly onto the Cloud Continent

Yamato is charmed and touched by the other kids and the Digimon cheering him on and believing in him, despite him being so cold to them; he is super tsundere

The first thing we see of the Cloud Continent is a beach with high cliffs and a lone fortress guarding it. On the outside the enemy fortress looks like old and realistic (in the sense that you could probably find a fortress like this in our very real world), but is straight from a sci-fi movie; the enemies have access to some advanced technology

With this episode taking place over night, we are moving onto at least Day 3 (if not further)

We see the Black Miasma for the first time

[stxphxn-strange]

i want to start posting from my ironstrange college au (remember the makeup fic i posted in like november? i’ll link it below but it’s from that verse) so! let me explain it:

reminder that this is an au and it’s my au, so i decide how this all goes!

Ships:

IronStrange (duh)

ThorBruce

Valcarol

Sambucky

Christine x Hope Van Dyne* (this gets complicated)

Eventual Pristine

Past Stony, Past Stucky

(Lowkey I’m also figuring out if Rhodey x T’challa could be a ship? they both seem too independent but i also might add it in)

Character Notes:

Tony deliberately never specifies if he prefers to go by Anthony or Tony. People call him both, or also his friends call him Ant. Stephen does not/has never called him Tony, he’s always known him as Anthony.

Happy just tends to go by H or Harry (anyone who calls him Harold receives a death glare, but as a joke Rhodey got him a T-shirt and the pattern is just name tags that say “hello my name is Harold.”)

Rhodey just goes by Rhodey bc Tony *insisted* that all their friends call him that and plus he doesn’t hate the nickname.

Natasha is part of this but she doesn’t go to school with the rest of the group. She’s Tony’s half sister and is the biological daughter of Maria Stark and her best friend. She lives in Italy with some of Tony’s extended family and her bio dad. Few people know of her existence, or they know her as Maria’s niece (for her own protection). It doesn’t rly matter that Howard has no idea who she rly is, he wasn’t with her the entire time Maria was pregnant w Natasha bc she was in Italy (and brought Tony with her)

Roommates:

- Tony and Rhodey are roommates, and they live two floors above the four suitemates. The four suitemates are: Christine and Pepper (who share a room) and Stephen and Wong (who share the other room) despite that, the six of them tend to move fluidly in between both spaces.

- Hela and Carol

- Val and Hope

- Thor and T’challa (Bruce spends a lot of time w them)

- Bruce, Sam, and Loki (as chaotic as it sounds btw)

- Bucky and Happy, who I’ve decided are very close. (btw nobody particularly enjoys the fact that Sam and Bucky live next door to each other, when they’re Busy their roommates can be found w Stephen and Co. or one of the other Odinson siblings).

Friend Groups (note: people overlap/belong to multiple groups, this is also not the full list bc that could go on for a long time):

- The Main Six: Tony, Rhodey, Stephen, Wong, Christine, and Pepper.

- Team Big Brain: Tony, Bruce, Stephen, Hope, Carol, Christine, and Bucky.

- Doctors: Stephen, Tony, Christine, and Bruce.

- Dumbass Protection Squad: Hela, T’Challa, Carol, Happy, Rhodey, and Pepper (usually).

- Psych Majors: Pepper, Wong, T’Challa and Loki.

- Stark Industries: Tony, Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy.

- People who Like Astrology: Loki, Bucky, Val, sometimes Christine.

Storylines (There’s no established time frame for this really, but it doesn’t follow mcu canon or any canon):

- Stephen and Tony are lifelong friends. They met on the first day of kindergarten and went to school together in NY (where both their families lived at the time) until middle school. For unspecified reasons, Stephen’s parents opted to move the Strange family to Nebraska before the start of 6th grade. Stephen and Tony were Devastated but were already inseparable at that point and stayed in touch. A business opportunity moved the Starks from NY to California. Stephen stayed in Nebraska for high school but Tony’s parents sent him to boarding school (read: Howard sent him away to avoid having to actually parent, and he thought he was lifting a burden from Maria. This was Not The Case, as she loved her son dearly and would call him everyday. Tony appreciated this more than he ever thought possible.)

- Howard and Stane viewed boarding school as a chance to groom Tony into something malleable and submissive enough to take orders from anyone. His obvious feelings for Stephen (with whom he was still incredibly close) were a Great Concern, so the executive decision was made to set Tony up with Steve Rogers, a blond athlete from his school. It was a way to keep Tony’s sexuality controlled, and Howard didn’t think Stephen was anywhere close to the level he wanted Tony to be (of course, Howard didn’t think his son lived up to his expectations anyway. It was more about control). On the surface, Steve was sweet and everything you could want in a partner, and he even charmed Maria into liking him. She genuinely believed he’d be a good match for her son, so it hurt when she found out what he was really like. Rhodey was Tony’s boarding school roommate for all four (4) years. They met and hit it off overnight, Rhodey instantly feeling brotherly love and the need to protect Tony (or “Tones” as he called him. Rhodey is usually the only one to call him that). Rhodey and Steve did Not see eye to eye on anything, least of all how Tony should be treated. Steve was terrible to him, and Rhodey’s heart broke when Tony admitted he was too scared to break up with him.

- Reenter Stephen. After a particularly bad day, Tony called Maria and Stephen sobbing, missing the two (2) people he talked to more than anyone except maybe Rhodey. It was then he confessed what kind of boyfriend Steve was, and Maria gasped before saying, “Dump him. Let me handle the rest.” That very day, Stephen left school early and traveled to see Tony. It was 2am when he finally arrived, throwing rocks at the window and then scaling the side of the building once he had Tony’s attention. Stephen and Rhodey met the next morning, when Rhodey came back from classes and found his roommate asleep him.

- “So you’re the one who climbed in through my window,” Rhodey said. “For a good reason, I assume.” Stephen confessed it was because he loved Tony and wanted to be there for him, didn’t want him to hurt. (It’s fair to say, though, that Stephen visited before/Tony went to visit him, and they’d spent secret time together over the summers). Tony, believing himself incapable of love, didn’t reject Stephen’s confession but assumed it was only love between friends. The summer before they all left for college (Rhodey, originally from Texas, was also going to school in NY with Tony and Stephen. NY was a big part of who they both were, and they both dreamed of studying there together), they finally started dating at Maria Stark’s motherly demand.

- This demand came a short time before Howard and Maria died, and it also came with admissions of guilt and lots of tears. “I was wrong about Rogers,” she said. “You don’t have to accept what I say or forgive me, but I know Stephen is the right one for you. I think I’ve always known.” (No shit, everyone knew) Knowong she was genuinely sorry, Tony forgave her not knowing that she would die a few months later.

- Most of this canon I’ve created takes place starting in their junior year of college, so everyone has gotten to know each other quite well. I’m sure the more I write from this the more I’ll flesh out relationships between certain characters, but one I want to mention is that Tony and Bucky are very close and co-presidents of the “I Dumped Steve Rogers for Peace of Mind” club. Steve goes to college in the next state/a little further north (that’s as specific as it’ll get for now) and dated Bucky the group’s freshman year. Tony didn’t know any of this until Bucky brought him over one day, and after they (Tony and Bucky) had a talk about the way Steve is as a partner, Bucky realized some things and dumped Steve. He remains angry at them both, especially Tony, from a short distance away which terrifies Tony.

- Sam and Bucky kissed for the first time at a truth or dare night Thor and T’Challa hosted in the group’s sophomore year. After they kissed (Sam initiated) they both shyly admitted feelings for each other.

*Now here’s where things get a little dicey. I started this au with Christine and Hope together for no particular reason, maybe they were on a club sports team together and started dating from there? But Pepper fell in love w Christine at first sight, and it got worse and worse the more they got to know each other. Much like Stephen and Tony, they’re the kind of people who meet each other and just click, even if the eventual path to Pristine involves lots of tears and jealousy for Pepper that Stephen never really experienced. He didn’t feel jealous of Tony and Steve’s relationship, because he wasn’t at boarding school with Tony and there wasn’t much he could do. But as a supportive and concerned (and honest but kind) friend, he was always encouraging and there to listen to Tony. Is Pepper going to be as good of a friend to Christine as Stephen was to Tony while Christine gets ready to marry Hope after undergrad??? that’s the question my forthcoming college au fic will answer.

Also mentioned in my forthcoming fic (which I’m still writing rn)

- post undergrad Wong works as a museum director/curator (havent decided yet, maybe he works his way up the ranks) and double majored in psych and history.

- Stephen, Tony, Happy, Rhodey, and Wong all live together and the rest of the group lives around NYC.

- Stephen, Christine, and Bruce (The Doctor friend group) are all pursuing medical degrees while the SI friend group is transforming the company completely.

++++

Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk! Congrats on reading all the way to the end lmao. I second guessed posting this a lot but then i remembered that it’s mine and I’m just sharing pre-fic thoughts lol. Thanks for reading/for your support of my work y’all!

Read the makeup fic (it doesn’t have a title) here.

💜💜💜💜

[welllpthisishappening]

One Foot In (5/7)

The facts were these.

Killian Jones was dead. This much Emma knew, standing in the middle of the funeral parlor staring at him. What she didn’t know was why. Or how. Or what she would do when she touched him.

Because Emma Swan had a gift. Touch a dead thing once, bring it back to life. Touch it again, dead forever.

And the last thing Emma could do was bring Killian back to life, talk to him for the first time in years, only to watch him die all over again. Not when she’d spent the better part of those same years being in love with him.

—–

Rating: Teen, but eventually they’re going to kiss Word Count: 9K’ish this chapter, with feelings AN: Thank you to everyone who is clicking and reading and saying nice things about this story. It is very nice and I think you are awesome. We’re deviating a bit from the Pushing Daisies path here, so, uh...let’s get magical, huh?

|| Also on Ao3 if that’s your jam. Or! You can catch up from the start ||

@shireness-says​ @optomisticgirl​ @nikkiemms, @teamhook, @dayo488​, @greymeetsblue​, @jennjenn615​, @heavenlyjoycastle​, @klynn-stormz​, @superchocovian​, @onepunintendid​, @jonesfandomfanatic​, @lfh1226-linda​ @thejollyroger-writer​

—–

Emma Swan is twenty-nine years, six months, twenty-four days and, approximately, nine hours and sixteen minutes old when she decides she may actually be going crazy. 

It would explain away a whole host of her problems. 

Ruby is flirting, genuinely and legitimately flirting, and Emma has a few sinking suspicions about the origins of the shirt Killian is wearing, but she’s also a little distracted by whatever the tips of Killian’s ears are doing because it seems he can dish the flirty banter out, but he absolutely, positively cannot witness it. 

Or however the saying is supposed to go. 

And he won’t stop staring at Emma. Like he knows something she doesn’t. 

It’s unnerving. 

“If you stare at me any harder, you’re going to turn me to stone,” Emma mumbles, letting her head drop back and that is a mistake. She can’t remember ever having a concussion, but the wall behind her feels impossibly hard. 

That may just be the situation. Ruby laughs again, leaning over the edge of Victor’s desk until the tips of her hair skim over papers and the not-so-good doctor looks incredibly overwhelmed. Emma understands the feeling. 

She bites her tongue to stop herself from making some kind of absolutely absurd noise because Killian’s eyes widen slightly at the scene in front of them and the longer she tries to remember the dream, the harder it’s becoming to separate reality from fiction and she can’t actually google psychiatric institutions. 

That would probably alert some kind of government agency. 

“If what we’ve been told is true, I’d imagine that’s entirely possible,” Killian says. He doesn’t take a step towards her, but Emma knows he wants to and she swears she can feel him next to her. 

Maybe there are psychiatric institutions listed in the yellow pages. 

She’s not even sure there are yellow pages anymore. The whole thing sounds incredibly antiquated, even in her head. 

Ruby makes a ridiculous noise when she knocks a pile of papers off Victor’s desk. His answering whatever makes Emma want to gag. 

“And,” Killian adds, ducking his head so Emma can’t avoid his gaze. “I know you’re thinking something, love. So let’s have at it. At least it’ll distract us from whatever is going on over there.” “This is normal.” “That doesn’t make it acceptable.”

She scoffs, digging the toe of her shoe into the tile underneath her. “What’s the matter, Jones? Not into public displays of affection?” “How does the man not realize what’s going on? It’s honestly almost too much, don’t you think?”

Emma shrugs and maybe it’s the wall that’s moving because it seems to be pushing even harder against the jut of her ponytail. She can barely remember anything about the dream now, just wisps of memories and moments and it was so, incredibly dark. 

She hasn’t been able to get the goosebumps off her arms since they got into her car. 

“Maybe,” Emma says. “But I don’t think he really cares. And, you know, it works. Gets us to the body and—”

She cuts herself off, wincing as soon as the word body falls out of her mouth. Killian tilts his head, the ends of his lips quirking up. 

“You’re doing another admirable job of avoiding my question. Seems to be a habit of yours.”

“Sweeping judgment,” Emma grumbles. She’s going to dislocate her toe if she presses her shoe any harder into the floor. 

Killian shakes his head. He’s bent his knees at some point which, if Ruby and Victor weren’t far too preoccupied flirting with, maybe, some purpose, would probably lead to both of them making fun, but it also makes Emma tug her lips back behind her teeth and breathe a bit sharply through her nose and it is not fair how good he is at this. 

Still. 

Maybe that was part of the dream. 

Something about understanding. 

She kind of remembers the woman’s face. Her eyes looked...not quite sad, but a little disappointed and a little wanting and that’s the feeling Emma hasn’t been able to shake, a tug in the pit of her stomach and a pull in the center of her soul and she’s never dreaded a trip to the morgue more. 

God, what a weird sentence. 

“Not sweeping,” Killian amends. “Accurate. And obvious. Do you think it’s possible?” Emma blinks. “Do I think what is possible?” “You’re not actually going to make me say it, are you?” “I think I may kind of need you to say it.”

It’s an admission Emma doesn’t need to make, but she feels as if she’s drifting between dream and reality and she swears she’s seen those people before. She knows she knows them, she just can’t figure out how. Or why they showed up in her subconscious. 

Emma’s eyes flit up when Killian doesn’t respond immediately and she’s not sure if she’s glad or frustrated that she does – because she can see the muscles in his throat move when he swallows, the clench of his jaw probably doing damage to several different parts of his mouth. His lips move again, like he isn’t sure if smiling is acceptable in an emotionally charged moment in the middle of a goddamn morgue, but it only takes half a second for him to decide and Emma is thankful for the wall behind her. 

“Do you think it’s possible that I was inadvertently working for some kind of magical darkness because that same magical darkness thinks I am…” “Magical?” Emma suggests, and Killian’s answering noise is strangled at best. “I have no idea. I’ve never...it’s not like I’ve met a lot of other people who can wake the dead and ask them who murdered them.” “Have you ever woken anyone who wasn’t murdered?”

Emma tenses. She knows she tenses. Killian knows she tenses. Ruby is in the middle of something absolutely ridiculous and she probably knows Emma tenses. 

She’s the world’s worst liar and even more terrible at trying to deflect the conversation, but it suddenly seems like she’s balancing on that tight rope again and her head shake makes her entire neck ache. 

“Nope,” she says, far too quickly to be anything except the blatantly obvious lie it is. 

Killian arches an eyebrow. “Nope?” “Nope. I...well, why would I do that? I’m not trying to play God.” “I’m not suggesting that.” “Then what are you suggesting, exactly?” He lets out a low, vaguely sardonic chuckle and Emma figures that’s fair. His hand twists behind him, tugging on hair and pressing the pads of his fingers against the skin just behind his ear. There’s a hint of color on his cheeks. 

That’s disconcerting too. 

Emma can barely hear him over the buzzing in between her ears. 

“I have no idea at all,” Killian admits softly. “But well...I don’t know. I have no idea what the hell I’m talking about or suggesting or even theorizing, but I’m at least ninety-six percent positive I can hear you, Swan. Or maybe feel you. God, shit, that sounds ridiculous.” “That doesn’t sound ridiculous.” “You’re being generous, love.”

Emma makes a contradictory noise, ignoring the fluttering of her pulse. “I’m not,” she promises. “I...you have no idea what you were trying to collect though? For this...darkness? Honestly, that almost sounds more ridiculous than you being able to feel me.” “That kind of sounds like a line.” “It might be.” Killian smiles, head falling forward when he exhales and Emma’s palms are never going to recover from the nails she keeps digging into her skin. “We are exponentially better at flirting than Lucas is.” “Don’t tell her that, she’ll get offended.”

Emma briefly wonders if magic is possible, based solely on the force of Killian’s expression when he looks at her. It’s not immediate, which almost makes it worse or, probably, better, but Emma’s clearly lost control of the English language, so she’s not going to be specific about which adjective she uses. 

He tilts his head up slowly, like he’s trying to savor the moment and she needs magic to be real and fix this because not reaching out and brushing her fingers over the curve of his jaw is growing more and more difficult. 

“What are you thinking about, Swan?” he asks, voice low but with a hint of something that sends a shiver down Emma’s spine and makes her dig her heels into her shoes and maybe they should have gone to prom together because they appear to be very good at dancing around the subject. At least Emma is. 

“Way too much to be even remotely healthy.” “Can you think so much that it would be a detriment to your health?” “You’re the one who’s read encyclopedias. I’m surprised you’re not a doctor at this point.” “Not a doctor,” Killian says, smile still lingering at the corners of his mouth. Ruby is taking her sweet time getting them to see this body. 

Emma does not want to see this body. 

“That wasn’t a contradiction to the encyclopedias,” Emma points out. “And I’m surprised you can’t feel my neurons like...short-circuiting or something at this point.” “You’re also not a robot, Swan.”

“Look who’s being generous now.” His eyes widen slightly before raking across her, drifting from her face to her arms and the bend of her elbows, tracing back across her hips and the bend in her right knee. Emma doesn’t mean to hold her breath, but she’s still on that metaphorical tight rope and she kind of feels like she’s being taken stock of. It’s not altogether unpleasant. 

Every single inch of her feels like it’s buzzing, a quiet energy under her skin and a hum of something that might actually be power or magic and Emma can’t remember the last time she went to the doctor. 

She assumes a doctor would be able to refer her to an appropriate psychiatric facility. 

Killian’s head shifts again, hair dangerously close to his brows, but she can still make out his eyes perfectly and--

“You’ve got to tell me what you’re thinking, Swan.” There’s a hint of a plea to his words and Emma realizes, rather suddenly, he’s been doing a very good job of taking this in stride, but it may be a bit of an act and a possible show of magic and she inhales quickly, like that will give her an extra boost of confidence. 

“I’ve never met anyone else like me,” she says. Her voice shakes. That’s disappointing. “Ever. There’s...it’s not like we have club meetings or matching lettermans jackets or anything like that. There is just me and what I can do and shouldn’t be able to do and—” “—Why don’t you think you should be able to do it?” “What?” “What makes you think it’s inherently wrong, Swan?” Killian asks. 

Emma gapes at him, stunned that he could think it was anything except that, but she knows Ruby also kind of thinks that and she’s incredibly good at self loathing. It’s probably the trail of bodies in her wake and the lingering sense that she’s forgetting something important about that dream. Killian’s expression doesn’t shift though, steady and certain and the confidence that’s practically pulsating in the air around him has an almost legitimate taste. 

Like berries or something. 

She’s honestly gone insane. 

“It’s…” Emma starts, waving her hands in the air when she can’t come up with the right words to prove what an absolutely, terrible, no good, very bad person she is. “It’s unnatural. This is—”

“—Magic?”

“That’s crazy.” “Swan, you touched me and I wasn’t dead anymore. I think that’s fairly good proof that there’s some kind of magical something happening here. And it doesn’t make it a bad thing.” “So long as no one knows about it.” “Explain that.” “I’ve been...Graham wasn’t wrong before, you know. I don’t really...talk to, well, anyone. I mean I talk to Ruby and some dead people and the people who buy my pies, but it’s not like I’ve got a thriving social life or anything. And I can’t.” “Why?” Killian presses, and there isn’t any anger there, just genuine curiosity and concern. Emma’s pulse is going to fly out of her body. 

At least there is an actual doctor nearby. 

“Because I left Storybrooke when I was a kid, alone and absolutely terrified and...I knew I could do this...whatever it is. Magic or a genetic mistake or—” “—You’re not a mistake, Swan.” “It’s nice that you think that.” “Emma,” Killian snaps, and she’s dimly aware of Ruby’s sound of frustration when they get loud enough to distract Victor from whatever part of the flirting plan she’s currently executing. He doesn’t take a step forward, there’s not enough room, but he rocks forward slightly and Emma’s breath hitches, stinging her nose and making her lungs burn and she’s totally unprepared for the look on his face. 

He’s determined and not, a strange combination that’s also a little soft and maybe Emma should start reading the dictionary so she can come up with better words in situations like this. 

Situations that end with conversations in her head. 

“I don’t think that,” Killian continues. “I know that. Unequivocally. You didn’t...whatever reason this happened to you, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.” Emma shakes her head out of habit, pleasantly surprised and slightly charmed by the look of exasperation on Killian’s face. “I shouldn’t be able to do this,” she whispers. “It’s not right. It’s not safe. I mean...if you move the wrong way or—” “—That’s not going to happen.” “You can’t know that!” Ruby groans again, throwing them both a glare over her shoulder before redirecting her attention back to Victor. This is taking forever. 

Emma hopes that isn’t a sign. 

“Nothing is going to happen to me, Swan,” Killian says, another promise he can’t make, but one Emma also kind of needs and maybe covets and, if put under oath, she would swear his eyes get bluer when he looks at her. “But you’re deflecting quite a bit again, love. What are you worried about?” “Would you like an itemized list?” “I wouldn’t refuse it. You’ve been jaw-clenching since you answered the phone this morning.” Emma sighs, letting her tongue trace over her teeth. “When I was a kid, I was terrified of what would happen if someone could find out what I could do. That they’d...take me or use me and no matter how much you try and cover it up by flirting with me, we both know this is something I shouldn’t be able to do. It’s not normal.” “That doesn’t make it wrong.” “It doesn’t make it right either.” “You are impossibly stubborn.” “Yeah,” Emma mutters. “But that’s the point. I haven’t really...I’m very good at pushing away with both hands so no one will know what I can do.” “You can’t actually push me away, you know,” Killian says. It’s more out of place flirting. Emma’s pulse does not care. 

“That’s stupid.” “That’s what you’re capable of doing.” Emma groans, less frustration than...something else. “I’m kind of freaking out,” she admits, wholly unfair all things considered. Killian’s smile looks a hint sadder. “And I...well, Cora said the Darkness was looking for people like us, right?” 

“I’ve never undeaded the dead, Swan.” “I figured that’d be part of the reintroduction, honestly. Hey, Emma, long time no see, I also can touch people back to life.” He chuckles, fingers fluttering at his side like he’s trying to stop himself from touching her. “I wouldn’t have called you Emma,” Killian mutters. “Save that for special occasions and exercises in self confidence.”

“Do you think it’s possible?” 

“Your self confidence or the magic?”

“Throw a dart,” she quips. “But mostly the magic.” “Like I said, I have no idea. But I knew something was wrong as soon as the goons got on deck and there had to be some reason they wanted that water moved. I doubt the Darkness is all that concerned with proper hydration.”

“You’re absolutely hysterical.” “Got you to smile though,” Killian points out, waving a finger through the air and it’s dangerously close to her cheek. 

“Cora seemed very adamant.” “Well, we all know that Cora wouldn’t lie.”

She might laugh, but the sound feels like it rattles around her throat, scraping against the side and leaving behind marks that will linger for days or weeks or the rest of her goddamn life. Emma’s eyes fall shut, breathing only slightly erratic, which really is a step in the right direction.

“I used to have dreams,” she says, another sudden admission she hadn’t planned on making until the words are flying straight out of her. “When I was a kid and there were new houses and cold houses and I’d never been very good at sleeping, but it got worse and worse the older I got. I used to fall into these kinds of fits and they changed a lot, different locations and faces that weren’t ever really specific, but it always ended the same.” She opens her eyes, vision blurred slightly. She can still see the flecks of something in Killian’s eyes. It might be magic. 

Emma still wants it to be magic. 

If only to prove she isn’t as alone as she’s always felt. 

“How did it end?” Killian asks, another rock forward that she should object to. She doesn’t. 

“Badly.” She doesn’t say anything else, knows she doesn’t really have to when Killian’s tongue flashes between his lips. He’s not close enough for Emma to actually feel his exhale. Her brain doesn’t care. It latches on to the want and the need and the taste of blood lingers in the back of her mouth when she chews on her tongue again. 

“Is that what happened last night?” Emma nearly bites her tongue in half. “What?” “Is that what happened last night?” Killian repeats. “A dream that ended badly?” “How do you know that?” “That’s not an answer, Swan.”

She huffs out a breath of oxygen her lungs could desperately use, running a ragged hand over her face. “I can’t really remember,” Emma mumbles. “It wasn’t the same as those ones. It was...it was dark and I was alone for awhile, but then I wasn’t. There were people there. A man and a woman and they said…” She grits her teeth, trying to remember details that are fading as quickly as she can try and hold onto them. “They said it was going to be worth it.” “What was going to be worth it?” “Your guess is as good as mine.” Killian laughs again, low and almost unsurprised because of course there’s another mystery. “Figures. You weren’t by yourself though.” Emma considers that for a moment – trying to remember the feeling of the dream and the faces that were almost familiar in a way that made it seem as if they’d been there since the very beginning. Her smile feels almost natural. “No, I wasn’t.” 

She shakes her arms, doing her best to get rid of the sudden surplus of excess energy that appears to be lingering in the tips of her fingers. “And I don’t think Cora would lie either,” Emma adds, avoiding Killian’s gaze. 

It doesn’t matter. She can feel his eyes widen and she wrings her hands together just to prove that she hasn’t, in fact, turned to stone. 

“Emma.” “Oh, c’mon.” He rolls his eyes when she does, finally, meet his eyes. It’s a bit of normal in the crazy and Emma’s thankful for it, even when they’re discussing something another human has already referred to as the Darkness. 

“They called him master,” Killian says. “That’s...he must have been looking for something.” “Something magical.” “But the water is gone. I saw it crash before, well…before everything went to shit.” “That’s a nice way of putting it,” Emma mumbles, drawing more laughter and another smile and that’s comforting too. She lets her head drop back again, pulse almost evening out and breathing coming almost normally – until Killian runs his hand through his hair and rocks back on his feet and—

“You know, I used to wonder about you,” he says, rushing over the words as if they’re somehow embarrassing. “Not, well, not in a stalkery, all the time kind of way. But in a you were gone and eventually I realized you weren’t coming back and I wondered what you looked like sometimes kind of way.” “What I looked like?”

“Yeah, in retrospect that sounds a little stalkery too, doesn’t it?” Emma twists a strand of hair around her finger, chewing lightly on her lower lip. “Sounds a little flirty, honestly.” “Ah, that’s bitter.” “How’d it play out for you?” Killian hums in confusion, a furrow to his brows that is equal parts attractive and a little overwhelming, as if one look can alter the entire state of gravity around Emma. She presses her palms flat against the wall, not really much better than digging her nails into her skin because whatever this wall is made out of is kind of gritty and horrible, but Killian’s ears have gone scarlet and the tip of his tongue is pressed into the corner of his mouth. “Play out,” Emma repeats. “As far as looks go.” He might genuinely growl at her. 

Whatever the sound is, it lingers in the air around them until Emma is certain it’s crackling with electricity and want and a slew of other adjectives that make her heart race and the possible magic she’s definitely in possession of soar.  

Killian’s eyes darken, crowding into her space and pressing his hand above her head. “That’s a loaded question. And I’m a little disappointed it’s not more obvious.” “Maybe I’m just trying to get some more confirmation.” She can see his shoulders shift, a twist of skin and muscles and a t-shirt that’s half a size too small. They really are incredibly good at flirting with each other. 

Emma licks her lips before she considers the repercussions of it, whatever noise that rumbles in the back of Killian’s throat making her feel as if she’s floating and a little drunk and both of those things would be a better explanation than magic. 

It’s definitely magic. 

She doesn’t know how she knows, but she knows and she wants to ignore the idea of the Darkness for the rest of her life. 

“Better,” Killian says, low and gruff and Emma swears the word slinks into her bloodstream. It wraps around her heart and several other internal organs that would probably sound disgusting if she were to ever say any of this out loud, drifting down her limbs and taking up residence at major pulse points, a steady rhythm that helps ground her when the buzzing in her brain roars to life. 

Emma doesn’t scoff, it’s more of an exhale, but still a little disbelieving and a little needy and—

“Yeah, you too,” she breathes. 

And, honestly, in a conversation about magic and death and dreams that end with Emma serving as the subject of several vaguely horrible science experiments, telling a guy she’s definitely started referring to as her boyfriend in her head that she’s attracted to him shouldn’t be so surprising. But Killian’s face hasn’t appeared to get that memo.

His eyebrows jump into his hairline, a muscle in his temple fluttering at a rate that can’t be medically accurate. He doesn’t move his right hand, but his lips press together tightly and Emma’s eyes dart towards his left arm when he tries to twist it behind his back. 

His eyelashes are impossibly long, fluttering when he closes his eyes and his shoulders move again, as if he’s trying to readjust the weight that’s landed there. 

“Hey,” Emma says, reaching out against her better judgment to tug on the front of his shirt. “That’s...do you want to talk about it?” “No.” “Killian.” “What is there to talk about, Swan? It was there when I left home and it was there when I got on the boat and it’s very clearly not here now, so somewhere between living and dying and living again, someone decided I didn’t need to have my left hand anymore.” “I think you want to talk about it.” He glares, but she’s almost confident in her ability to read him too and if they’re going to share magic, or whatever, Emma figures it’s part of her biological right. “The most stubborn person alive, you know that?” “No,” Emma argues. “You’re alive too. That, at least, makes us even.”

“God, it’s not fair that you can still do that.” “Yeah, tell me about it.” Killian grins, less...everything except something Emma can’t possibly begin to think about in a morgue. “Cora said she didn’t think they’d take it,” he whispers. “As in there’s a reason they did take it. And I’m pretty positive the they in this scenario are the goons.” “Seems to be a trend.” “Yeah, it does. A frustrating one that I can’t wrap my head around. Have you ever heard of a fairy tale where the villains steal someone’s hand?” “Fairy tale,” Emma echoes skeptically, and Killian’s teeth dig into his lip. She’s slightly optimistic that it’s so he won’t be tempted to kiss her. 

“Are you not my knight in shining armor, Swan?”

“That’s almost laying it on too thick, don’t you think?” Killian mutters a quick disagreement, bringing his left arm back to his side. “I think it’s some very twisted trick of the universe that I’d spent more time than appropriate during my teenage years wondering if your hair was still able to reflect sunlight only to die before finding you again and then, upon not being dead, being unable to touch you as much as I very desperately want to.” “Desperately?” Emma’s voice cracks on the word, and she knows she should stop repeating everything he says, but she’s having a difficult time breathing and she assumes he won’t fault her lack of sentence structure. Ruby’s laugh has taken on a decidedly victorious tone, Victor grumbling something that sounds like the tell-tale signs of acquiesce. 

They’re running out of time. 

“Desperately,” Killian repeats. “And, as if that weren’t enough, if we do somehow figure out a way to magic ourselves out of this mess, figure out who killed me, fight off some mythical Darkness and make sure you get to REM sleep every night, I still won’t be able to hold onto you with both of my hands.”

Emma doesn’t realize she’s been holding her breath until all the oxygen rushes out of her lungs in one great, big enormous huff. She’s not crying, so that feels like a victory, but Killian’s suddenly the one who can’t hold her gaze and that doesn’t compute at all. 

She shuffles her weight between her feet, trying to put some incredibly undesirable space between them so she can hold her hand out expectantly. 

“Is that code?” “We didn’t come up with the code yet,” Emma points out, and it’s enough to work a slightly tremulous smile out of him. She’ll take her victories where she can get them at this point. “And I know there are gloves in your back pocket. Hand ‘em over.” “Swan, what…” “Don’t argue with me, Jones. A pirate is supposed to share his booty with his crew or something, right? I have no idea how pirate rules work.” “I don’t think pirates had many rules, love, that’s why they were pirates.” “You are grasping at straws and distracting me from my point. Gloves, now and now.” He makes a disbelieving noise, but doesn’t argue anymore, yanking the gloves out of his pocket and dropping them in her upturned palm. It takes some finangling on Emma’s part to make sure she doesn’t inadvertently elbow him in the ribs or something more catastrophic, but she keeps her grunting to a minimum as she tugs the fabric over her fingers. And it’s obvious he realizes what she’s about to do before she does it. 

His eyes go wide and his jaw goes slack and he might mumble her name, a quiet Emma that sounds half like a plea and half like another wholly impossible promise, but none of that is quite as gravity-altering as whatever happens to every single inch of Killian’s face as soon as she wraps her glove-covered finger around the end of his left arm. 

Emma doesn’t say anything – isn’t entirely certain she’s capable of it and, really, she’d rather not embarrass herself by saying something idiotic, like telling him she may honestly be in love with him again or still or whatever – so she just lets her fingers drift over skin she’s not actually touching, tracing over scars that are far cleaner than she expected them to be. 

That gives her pause, but she refuses to linger on it when she knows they’re already on borrowed time. The clack of Ruby’s heels is getting closer. 

And Killian, for his part, looks a little stunned. His eyes don’t ever leave Emma, bouncing from her fingers back to her face and drifting towards her mouth and maybe they should start carrying saran wrap with them at all times. 

That seems a little weird. 

“Emma,” he whispers, and when they get out of this, when there are no more dead bodies and no more threats and she’s told him the absolute truth about absolutely everything, she’s going to kiss every single inch of skin she can find. She’s going to linger on these few inches, an emotional brand that feels as heavy-handed as any of the decidedly sentimental thoughts she’s considered in the last few days, but she’s going to do it anyway, until he believes it’s ok and worth it and—

“Did you say you wondered if my hair could reflect sunlight?” Emma asks. 

Whatever noise he makes will probably play on loop in Emma’s memories for the rest of her life and very likely into several different afterlifes. It warms her from the inside out, another rush of power and a hint of guilt she’s been ignoring because she’s definitely keeping big, important facts from him and Killian is already nodding. 

“I did when I was a kid. Especially in the summer. We’d be outside all the time and, God, I swore it was, like, phosphorescent or something.” “That’s a very big word for a nine year old.” “I didn’t come up with that one until I was ten.” “Ah, well, that’s ok.” He nods, half a wink and it’s not very good, but it’s still stupidly charming. “Like it was it’s own power source,” Killian adds, half to himself as his fingers drift through the air just above Emma’s head. “It never made any sense.” “Yeah, join the club.” “I think I probably could have remembered every single strand when I was a kid. And, fuck, I know I’m not helping my stalking case, but—” “—No, no,” Emma interrupts, far too quickly. “That’s...I mean, it’s kind of ok.” “Good news for me. But it was like it was imprinted in my brain, even after you left. Years and summers and how ridiculous it was trying to race myself down that stupid hill.” “You went back to the hill?” “My uncles thought it was a coping mechanism, and it was at first, but then it was so I wouldn’t forget too. I wanted to hate you for a while, Swan. That you left and never came back and—” “—Not all of that was my fault.” “I know it wasn’t, love, but tell that to a decidedly friendless, leather jacket sporting fourteen year old and you’ll find I wasn’t very rational at that point. I wanted to hate you, more than I’d wanted just about anything at that point.” “Did you?” “No,” Killian answers immediately. “I kept going back to the hill and the memories always seemed to slam into me and I couldn't hate you if I tried. So I stopped. I remembered everything and every time I went back there I always seemed to remember the exact way the sun reflected off your hair.” She opens her mouth. Only to close it again. And does that four more times. Killian’s smile turns a little nervous, but that may be because Emma hasn’t let go of his arm. 

She’s got no intention of letting go of his arm. 

Or him. 

God. 

“That’s decidedly romantic for an angst-ridden teenager,” she says, which is really the last thing she expects to say, but is also kind of par for the course and Killian grabs one of her hands so he can press a kiss to the bend in her knuckles. 

“Yeah, it is.” Ruby groans, the scrape of Victor’s chair sounding impossibly loud when he gets up, muttering an excuse about taking an early lunch lingering behind him. 

“Are you guys done?” Ruby asks. She’s already tapping her heel. “Because we are on a very tight schedule here.” “The guy isn’t going anywhere,” Killian reasons. 

“Yeah, about that guy. I’ve got some facts.” Emma blinks, and lets Killian lace his fingers through hers. “What kind of facts?” “These kind of facts,” Ruby says, brandishing a questionably large file in front of her. “The kind that show that Charles Thatch has spent the better part of the last ten years in and out of several different prisons in a variety of states. He never seems to have much in the way of employment history, but he’s certainly got the means to bounce around the country quite a bit.” “Meaning?” “Meaning, our Mr. Thatch, who, incidentally, was found in the woods on the edge of the Storybrooke city line—” “—Town line.” “I’m going to kill you.” “Let’s avoid that, please,” Emma mumbles, trying to pull her arm out of Killian’s grasp so she can dramatically cross them over her chest. He tightens his hold. 

Ruby scowls. “Yeah, that was kind of shitty, right?” “Just a little. Go back to lording facts so you feel like you’re in control of the situation.”

Ruby flips her off that time. “Mr. Teach bounced around everywhere. Doing odds and ends and things that don’t make any sense at all, but, and this is the most important part, in the last two months he applied for, and received, an expedited passport.” “Meaning?” “Oh I get it,” Killian mumbles, and Emma isn’t sure if he means to squeeze her hand that hard. It’s almost worse if he doesn’t. 

“Honestly were you a PI in another life?” Ruby demands. “Or a cop? Getting upstaged like this is not fun for me at all. 

“As far as I know only one life. If we start dealing with regenerations or something too, I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle that.” “Regner-whats?” “Like Doctor Who,” Emma supplies. “His brother was a giant nerd.”

The casual mention of Liam catches her by surprise, eyes widening to a size that Ruby absolutely notices and Killian’s brows pull low in confusion. “Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it too, Swan. You were the one who wanted to build a TARDIS that one time.” “Yeah, well, it didn’t work did it?” “We didn’t know about the magic yet.” “Can we focus, please?” Ruby shouts, jumping for emphasis and they are being kind of unfair to her. “Because as Jones said, but didn’t actually explain, the passport thing is important. It means that Mr. Teach was able to leave the country with relative ease in the last two months, which could potentially include a little jaunt into the Atlantic ocean and—” “—Oh shit,” Emma mumbles. 

“Exactly. So, shall we touch him and ask him if he’s got TSA pre-screening?” “I don’t think they let felons do that,” Killian shrugs, ignoring whatever strangled noise Ruby makes and his hand doesn’t leave Emma’s when he directs her towards the nearest door. 

She’s never really enjoyed trips to the morgue. 

She assumes no one really does, except possibly Victor, but he’s a little weird and she understands that trips to the morgue are necessary. It’s the lighting though. It’s far too bright and everything smells like bleach and somehow stale at the same time, as if death is just permeating the air molecules. 

Emma takes a deep breath and immediately regrets it, shuddering despite her best efforts to control her limbs. 

“Hey,” Killian mutters. “It’s going to be fine, Swan. No matter what happens.” She doesn’t respond, but her eyes dart towards Ruby’s and there’s a warning there that Emma doesn't entirely appreciate. “How’d he die?” 

“Who?” 

“Mr. Teach. If they found him in the woods, there must have been a medical examiner there, right? Some kind of report.” Ruby makes a face – a stop sign in human form, but the question is already there and—“Just touch him and ask him how he killed Jones and who he was working for, Em.” “Wow, that was kind of blunt, Lucas,” Killian says. His gaze keeps moving back towards Emma though and she’s going to chew through her cheek by the time the day is over. 

She really wishes it were tomorrow. 

The Doctor never had to deal with this shit. That’s fundamentally untrue, but it makes her feel better to compare her problems to those of a fictional character who, eventually, was forced to blow up his entire planet. 

Emma just hopes she won’t have to do that too. 

“Alright, let’s get this over with,” she mumbles, tugging the glove off her right hand with her teeth when Killian continues to let go. She drops her phone onto the edge of the table. 

Charles Teach is old, that much is obvious. He’s got wrinkles around his eyes and a decidedly disheveled look to him that kind of screams no good, very bad villain. They’ve already removed his clothes, a mass of skin that’s marred with scars and jagged lines and a life that practically reaches out and smacks Emma across the face. 

And part of her knows that none of those marks are what killed him. 

The other part of her is screaming. Loudly. In her head. 

“Is that him, Jones?” Ruby asks, and Killian hums. 

“Yup. You’d think the Darkness would get better looking lackeys. He looks like he's been dead for a very long time, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah, that’s weird. Seriously, am I going to have to offer you a job?” “It’s probably better than me testing the market when I’m fairly certain I don’t have a social security number anymore.”

“Oh, yeah, it’d be weird explaining that at an interview probably.”

“Plus, look at all the fun we’re having. I think I’m starting to grow on you, Lucas. I knew it was only a matter of time.” Ruby gags. “Don’t press your luck.”

Killian chuckles again, a flash of a smile that does not belong near a guy who definitely does not look like he’s only been dead for a few hours. There’s a pallor to his skin that doesn’t make sense, gray and drawn and everything looks far too calm. 

A guy with a track record as long as Charles Teach should not have died a peaceful death. 

It is the single worst observation Emma has ever made. 

“Swan,” Killian prompts when Emma continues to stare at the man on the table in front of them. “Emma, love, you’ve actually got to—” “—Yeah, yeah, I know,” she interrupts sharply. Ruby clicks her tongue. 

She doesn’t think much about where she touches, swatting her hand against Teach’s and he doesn’t jerk up the way most bodies do. Emma hates that she thinks of them as bodies. He opens his eyes slowly, taking in his surroundings as he lifts his head off the table. 

There’s a piece of hair sticking to his forehead. 

“Who the hell are you?” Teach asks, directing the question to, presumably, Emma. Her hand is still hanging very close to his. “And what the hell are you doing here, Jones? Didn’t I already kill you once?” “Yeah, I believe I was there for that,” Killian says flippantly. “Why’d you do that incidentally?” “Should have asked a few more questions before you met your untimely demise, my boy.” “Not your boy and honestly who says demise? That’s…” “Not important,” Ruby hisses. “Why’d you kill him? And what was the water for?” Thatcher narrows his eyes, but he almost looks impressed and Emma isn’t sure if that’s a good thing. “The water was for my master. I’m sure Jones told you that already.” “And that master,” Emma says, finding a bit of courage she didn’t expect and she’s not sure if it’s entirely because it feels like there’s sparks in between her fingers. The same fingers twisted up with Killian’s. “That’s the Darkness, right?” “You know far more than you’re giving yourself credit for.” “What the hell was the water for then? And why did he want Killian?” “It wasn’t Jones specifically,” Teach argues. “It was what he could do. It all timed up rather perfectly until he decided to be infuriatingly noble about it.” “Did that make negative sense to anyone else?” Ruby asks, glancing around the room as if there are more than the four of them there. 

Emma shrugs. “The magic, then? That’s...that’s a real thing?” “Can’t you feel it?” Teach asks. “It’s practically got its own frequency. Granted, part of that is how worried he is about you right now, but it’s there regardless. It’s rolling off you in waves.” “What does that have to do with the water?” She hates that she shouts the question, hates that she’s lost her last few strings of apparent sanity and control, but Killian squeezes her fingers again and tugs her hand up towards his lips and that can’t possibly be the right course of action. 

Emma couldn't care less. 

“My master,” Teach says. “He’s been looking for something, for a very long time, to bring back someone. And nothing has worked. It’s been...well, he’s been very disappointed. But we’d heard of something in those waters, a magical source of rejuvenation—”

“—Like the fountain of youth?” Killian asks. 

“Obviously not. The lad is dead already, keeping him young wouldn't do much of anything. The legend of this water said it could revive things that had been...not living. My master believed it would work, but he needed another magical being to transport it for him.” Ruby scoffs. “And that was Jones?”

“Obviously.” “Why wouldn’t the Darkness do it himself?” Emma presses, and Teach  gets that same impressed look on his face. It sends a chill down her spine. “Cut out the magical middle man as it were.” “It was dangerous. And my master doesn’t need to involve himself in matters like this. Not when it wasn’t guaranteed and he’s looking for…”

Teach trails off, expression shifting again to something far closer to terror than Emma is entirely ready for. She glances at Ruby – who immediately holds her hands up in confusion. 

“Fat lot of help you are,” Emma grumbles. “Alright, so the Darkness is looking for something to revive someone, but there’s more to it, isn’t there? What...what else could there be?”

“You don’t know?” “Obviously not and you are running out of time.” “I’d answer her,” Killian adds, a wholly unnecessary and slightly gallant move that leaves Ruby with her tongue hanging out of her mouth and Emma blushing just a bit. Teach’s mouth twists, understanding settling on his face.  

Emma hopes there isn’t actually ice sitting at the base of her spine. 

“I’m not doing anything,” Teach says. “I’m assuming I’m already dead given my surroundings and I’d imagine I won’t be going back to that funeral home any time soon. So it’s really up to you. Jones wouldn’t help my master, so he had to die. It’s as simple as that.” “But you took my hand,” Killian growls. Teach’s laugh bounces off the walls and echoes around them, seemingly growing louder and more threatening and— “That’s part of the mystery my boy. Trust me, my master’s getting plenty of use out of it. He’s gone back to the start. He’ll figure you all out sooner or later. There’s no way around it.” “The start? And, wait, wait, did you say you were in the funeral home? What the hell were you doing there?” “Making sure you made it into the ground. Unfortunately I didn’t stick around long enough to guarantee that, but I can’t be entirely faulted when the whole world went pear shaped and—” “—Did you die in the funeral home? When?” “Are you dense?” Teach sneers, sitting up now and Emma keeps glancing at her phone. “Of course I was in the funeral home. I was there when you were there. How you got out and I didn’t is a question for the ages of course, but—”

He doesn’t finish. Emma doesn’t let him finish. She swings her hand out, skin against skin and Teach falls back on the table with a thump that sounds far too loud. 

Ruby curses under her breath. 

“Well,” she whispers. “At least we know how that ended. And you know...justice is kind of served. So points to us.” “I don’t think that’s how it works,” Emma argues. She squeezes her eyes closed, as if that will change the scene in front of her or stop Killian’s gaze from boring into the side of her head and she could play this moment out eight-hundred thousand times and she’d still never be prepared for the next few words out of his mouth. 

“What is going on?” Killian asks, low and a hint desperate. His thumb starts tapping against the back of Emma’s wrist, directly on top of her pulse point. She figures that’s what does her in. 

She doesn’t open her eyes. 

It’s a cowardly move. 

Emma feels like a coward. 

“There’s another rule to all of this,” she whispers. “Me, I mean. And what I can do. That...well, that I didn’t tell you yet.” Killian’s arm falls back to his side. Ruby curses again. “What kind of rule?” he asks. 

“Remember you wanted to know why it’s a minute? It’s uh...it’s because the universe needs to stay balanced or something and if a not-dead-anymore person stays alive longer than a minute then—” “—Someone else has to die,” Killian says. 

Emma’s eyes snap open. “How’d you know that?” “Context clues.” “That’s impressive.” “Yeah, it’s something isn’t it? So Teach died because you didn’t kill me. Did you know that was going to happen?” Emma nods – quick and jerky and painful, but that may just be the echo of Ruby’s heel in a room filled with a bunch of dead people. “Did you know who it would be?” “No, it’s not…” “Right. Right. Just a trick of fate and happy coincidence.” Emma isn’t sure what to do with that tone of voice. It’s not angry and she knows he’s not, not really. The man on the table in front of them killed Killian, cut off his hand for reasons they still can’t figure out and apparently serves some mythical being with the worst villain name in the history of several universes, but he’s looking at her like he’s never seen her before and it’s not the exciting, slightly overwhelming gaze it’s been in the last few days. 

It’s like he can’t quite come to terms with her. It’s like he’s wondering if maybe she is, in fact, wrong. Emma bites her cheek again. 

“I wasn’t planning on it,” she says, not sure why she’s still talking. Ruby is going to sprain her tongue. “This,” Emma waves her hand towards Teach. “That wasn’t part of the plan. And I mean—” “—He did kill you,” Ruby adds, grinning when Emma flashes an appreciative glance in her direction. “So, you know, if we’re keeping tally marks in the Emma saving your ass column...”

Killian doesn’t move immediately, doesn’t even blink, but his eyes drift back towards Emma and she tries not to breathe too much. It feels like he’s taking stock of her again and she desperately wants to live up to expectations. 

She’s still not telling him everything. 

“That’s true,” Killian says eventually. “Thank you, Swan.” Emma wishes she could nod like a normal person. Her lungs are going to rise up in protest of her. “But,” he adds, and Ruby might try to actually cast a spell on him. “There’s one part I don’t entirely understand. Teach said he was in the funeral home, but they found him by the line. And now...going back to the start. The Darkness, I mean, was going back to the start. Where do we go? It’s not like we know who this thing is.” “I still don’t think it’s an alien,” Emma mumbles. It’s a piss-poor attempt at a joke and control and Ruby rolls her eyes so hard it must hurt. 

She throws both her hands in the air when she, apparently, comes to some sort of conclusion. “Oh, fuck, fucking fuck!” “Eloquent.” “Shut up, Em. You have your car?” “Do you want me to shut up or…” “Oh my God. We have to go. We have to go now. Jones, would your uncles be in your house, right now?” “Yes,” Killian says slowly, drifting back into Emma’s space. She doesn’t think he realizes he’s doing it. “They don’t...oh fuck.”

“Can someone tell me what is happening?” Emma yells. 

“The start. He’d go back to try and find whatever he was looking for. Whatever Thatch thinks he needed my hand for.” “And that would probably be a little jarring for your shut-in uncles, yes?” Ruby asks, already moving towards the door and brushing by a clearly confused Victor. 

Emma suddenly understands. 

She needs to expand her curse vocabulary. 

Because the Darkness is on his way to Storybrooke. 

Emma doesn’t actually count how long it takes them to get to Killian’s house, but she isn’t sure she’s ever driven that fast and she’s going to get at least half a dozen tickets for running all those red lights. 

Killian’s out of the car before she’s really stopped it, running up steps with long strides and ignoring both Emma and Ruby’s cries to wait two seconds, Jesus. That last part is mostly Ruby. 

The house itself is exactly the way Emma remembers. 

The shutters are still that same shade of blue Liam picked when they were kids – an afternoon that felt like torture at the time, but quickly dissolved into paint-stained clothes and color-streaked cheeks. There aren’t any chairs on the porch anymore, the curtains drawn closed on the huge bay window in the front of the house and Emma can see the fabric fluttering slightly, as if something or someone is standing just inside them. 

“Killian,” she calls again, but he’s already bounding up the steps. He jumps over the third one. It creaks. And he doesn’t bother closing the door behind him, the screen slamming against the side of the house and Emma’s out of breath by the time she catches up to him. 

There’s no one inside. 

At least it doesn’t look like there’s anyone inside. 

Everything feels as if it’s been paused, a stillness that’s unnerving and incorrect in a house like this where Emma only knew laughter and smiles and blanket forts with incredibly detailed engineering. She lets her eyes flit around the room, taking in the differences. There are more frames on the wall now, Killian at a variety of ages with a variety of hair styles and two men Emma only has vague memories of. 

There are pillows everywhere, decorative lamps that are just treading the line between classy and ostentatious, blankets draped over both couches. 

She reaches her hand out before she thinks about, probably something to do with magnets or those words she’s been ignoring for the better part of the day and it doesn’t really matter because Killian moves his hand behind him to grab at her too and that’s when everything suddenly and completely goes to shit. 

It’s as if an explosion goes off, a darkness so deep Emma briefly wonders if it’s possible for the villain of this story to toy with the sun. 

She blinks, gripping Killian’s fingers like a lifeline and one of them must mutter we’re going to be ok, but Emma genuinely has no idea who it is. She’s far too busy shrinking back from the laughter that’s suddenly surrounding them, jarring and victorious and just a little unhinged. 

The darkness ebbs slightly, bright enough that Emma can make out the shadow in front of her. 

And, for half a moment, that’s all it is – a shadow and smoke over the water, but then the laughter grows and the magic in her veins sings, doing its best to battle back. It doesn’t work. Particularly when the shadow turns corporal and the smile on the Darkness’ face is like nothing Emma has ever seen. 

“We’re ok, love,” Killian whispers. “It’s ok.” She must shake her head – can feel her hair shift against her neck, but the words get caught in her throat and the Darkness hasn’t stopped staring at her. 

Emma barely notices the other men who have appeared there, faces that match the ones in the frames and one of them curses when he sees Killian standing there. “No,” he mutters. “No, no, that’s going too far. Kill us. It’d be better than this.”

The Darkness laughs again. 

It makes his whole body shake, head thrown back and Emma suddenly notices there’s a slight glimmer to his skin, like he’s glowing and it may be the single worst thing she’s ever seen. 

Until he snaps his head back, eyes meeting hers and she will eventually wish she didn’t whimper. In the moment, though, she can’t seem to do anything else. She holds her breath and tries to melt into the floor, but she can’t do that either and she can’t turn into Killian’s side and every single promise he makes falls on deaf ears. 

“I thought he’d bring you,” the Darkness says, the same triumphant look that was in his smile working its way into his voice. “You’re rather predictable, but the good ones always are.” “What do you want?” Killian asks. Nemo, Emma thinks it’s Nemo, curses again, doing his best to fight against the rope tying him to the chair he’s sitting on. 

The Darkness waves a finger through the air. “You already know that, dearie. There’s no point in rehashing. I know you spoke to Teach.” “How?” “Please, I know everything. That’s how I know this is going to work. Because the good ones are always easy to get an edge on and,” he lets out a low whistle, taking a step closer to them as Killian tries to push Emma behind him, “she’s practically bursting with it. But first we need to clear the air a little bit.”

“Meaning?” Emma gasps, the realization striking her like lightning or something equally metaphorical and terrible and she kind of wishes it weren’t metaphorical because then she wouldn’t have to do this. It feels a bit like blowing up her planet. 

Or at least the sun she’s started orbiting around. 

She’s not even sure that makes sense. 

She really has no idea how anything scientific works. 

The Darkness bobs on the balls of his feet – an absurd sentence and an absurd visual, particularly when his skin has gotten even brighter, like he’s growing more powerful the longer Emma plays coward. He lets out another laugh. 

Shakespeare might be the one who curses that time. 

“Oh, this is going to be delightful,” the Darkness says, a wistful sigh that makes Emma wonder how long he’s waited for this. “I don’t need you anymore. Well, no that’s not true, I’ll take you, but I’d rather have her and—” “—You’re not getting Emma,” Killian growls. “I’m not...not again.” “Ah, that’s where you’re wrong, dearie. I should have known from the very start it wasn’t you. You were just...a leech, a latch on, a sponge.” “What?” “Of the magical variety.” “I don’t…” “Oh, I know you don’t,” the Darkness continues. “But magic leaves a mark. It lingers where it matters and Cora should have realized. That was foolish of me. To believe she’d be able to differentiate and, well, I do admit it’s close, but…” “Make some goddamn sense!” “Oh my God, Killian,” Nemo sighs. 

Killian doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t let go of Emma’s hand. And Emma is only slightly confused. She’s mostly doing her best not to cry. 

The Darkness stares at her again. “But you my dear,” he says, a longing in the words that makes her whole body ache. “You are something entirely new. I’ve been looking for you for a very long time. The only problem is I need you to be free of those pesky secrets that have been crippling your magic. The Savior can’t have that.” Emma blinks. “The what?” “We’ll get to that. First thing’s first though. The truth, Ms. Swan. About what happened in this house all those years ago and how you’ve spent your entire life running from it. Then the fun will begin.”

She tastes blood in her mouth, vision blurring with tears she can’t bring herself to cry because it is her fault and it’s always been her fault and she should have told him from the start. 

She’s wrong. 

From the very start. “Swan, what is he…” Killian starts, but his eyes widen when the Darkness moves back towards Shakespeare, a knife at his throat and a predatory glint in his stare. 

“Go ahead, Savior,” the Darkness sneers. “Or we’ll start killing. I’m not nearly as upset about it as you are.” Killian spins on the spot – ignoring the villain and the knife pressed to his uncle’s neck and Emma’s breath hitches when his glove-covered hand brushes her cheek, catching a tear on the fabric. The whole thing is very cyclical. 

She hates it. 

“Like the goddamn sun,” he mumbles, and it doesn’t make sense. It makes a negative amount of sense, but Emma exhales like it’s the single most important sentence ever uttered and—

“I’m the reason Liam is dead.”

Killian’s hand falls away from her.

[izzielizzie]

Chapter Six

Weekend runs are bliss. Early morning air fills my lungs and all the worries from the week: Vanessa hijacking the soccer team, TJ showing up everywhere I don’t want him to be, and Bronwyn’s murder investigation, evaporate until the only thing filling my mind is the sound of my music and the ponding of my sneakers on the sidewalk. When I reach the steep hill I use as a marker to end my three miles, I feel motivated enough to keep running, and I can hardly breathe when I reach the top. I’m about the double over and catch my breath when I hear my name being called. I sigh when I recognize the voice. It’s Vanessa. I wonder if it’s too late to pretend I didn’t hear her, but I look up and meet her blue eyes and I have no choice but to walk over to her, where she’s sitting with Cooper, Addy, Luis, and - ugh - TJ. “Maeve! Hi! Fancy seeing you here!” “Vanessa you do realize I live in Bayview right?” Every time Vanessa sees me she acts like I live in Kentucky or something. “I know, I know. I just enjoy seeing you! Do you enjoy seeing me?” I look at Vanessa properly and I realize now why she’s called me over. She’s wearing her soccer uniform. And it has my number from last year. “Sure,” I say. I’m still out of breath and I have no desire to be nice. “Well, I’m so glad I ran into you! Or that you ran into us I guess.” She laughs at her own joke. “I actually wanted your opinion on something. TJ and I are going on a date this weekend and I wanted your advice on where to go.” I’m distracted trying to figure out if bending over to catch my breath would make me look weak, so when I finally register her question all I can do is stare at her. I look between TJ who’s staring at the ground, and Vanessa, who’s smirking at me. Oh this bitch knows exactly what she’s doing. Vanessa continues talking. “Addy was telling us that the beach is great this time of year.” No. No, I can’t do this. I’m gonna faint. Or be sick. Or both. “Vanessa stop,” Luis says, his voice hard. “What? I’m just saying, Maeve knows all about beach dates. She could even-” I don’t hear the rest of her sentence because I’ve turned and started running down the hill again. I can’t see where I’m going through the tears, and I’m so upset that when I feel a pair of hands on my shoulders I panic. I twist and kick out, using the self defense tricks my father taught me ages ago. My foot doesn’t connect with anything though, and it throws me off. “Maeve, Maeve. Stop.” I recognize the voice and I freeze. “Luis?” “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” I can’t see his face through my tears, but his voice is laced with genuine concern and I fall into him, sobbing like my life depends on it. He rubs his hand up and down my back like my mom did when I was a kid, and it’s so relaxing that I can’t even try to imagine how weird we must look: me crying into his chest in the middle of the sidewalk, but I can’t move. I pull away when I’m out of tears, and he gently swipes his thumbs over my cheeks to dry them. “I’m not okay,” I tell him. I know it’s such an obvious thing to say, but as I look into his deep brown eyes that are filled with so much kindness, I feel myself relax for what might be the first time in years. He nods at me. “I know.” “TJ cheated,” I say. I don’t know why I’m telling him, but I haven’t had anyone to talk to lately. Luis’s hand is still on my back, and he’s rubbing small circles on it, almost absentmindedly. It’s nice. He raises his eyebrows at me, telling me to keep talking. “He was at the beach over the summer and he hooked up with Addy and Vanessa found out.” “Dios,” Luis mutters, and I finally realize who I’m talking to. Every time Vanessa subtly attacks me, Luis has been there, and he’s never lifted a finger to stop her. And from what I can tell, he’s suddenly best friends with TJ. I pull away from him. “Not that you’d care,” I mutter. Luis’s face drops and he squeezes my hand the way he did when we were kids. “Maevey, come on.” Maevey. No one has called me that in years. “You stopped talking to me. You stopped caring about me.” Luis and I were best friends when we were kids. Like Nate and Bronwyn. Like Cooper and Addy. All six of us were thick as thieves before my parents sent me to Connecticut to live with my grandparents. When I came back, no one was speaking to each other. When did unconditional love turn into pure hatred? When did we start tearing each other down? Why do we rip each other apart and set fire to the corpse just to watch it burn? Why don’t we patch each other together anymore? I have so many questions for all of them: why did Nate stop laughing? Why can’t Bronwyn relax? Why doesn’t Addy speak her mind? Why is Cooper so hesitant, so perfect? And why doesn’t Luis love me anymore? I guess they have some for me too: why am I so bitter? I’m scared I don’t have the answer. “Maeve,” Luis’s voice jolts me back to myself. “I never stopped caring about you. You left, what was I supposed to do?” “IT WASN’T MY CHOICE.” I tear out of his grasp. I can’t stand being near him. “Maeve, let me drive you home. You’re not thinking straight.” As if. I can’t be in a car with him. “No!” He reaches for me. His hands grip my upper arms and before I can think, I rear back and slap him as hard as I can. “I said no!” I turn and start running before I can even understand what I just did.

Nearly ten hours later, I’m in the ballroom of the grand Bayview hotel that my parents rented out for their charity event. For tonight, we’re a normal family. We stand together, my father in his suit, my mother, sister, and I in our ball gowns. My hair is up, twisted in a knot, and the back of my floor length dress is open. I feel cold, exposed and incredibly raw after this morning. And I also feel so, so, so bad about how I treated Luis. I turned my own anger and fear out on him. He just wanted to make sure I was okay. I can’t be here, talking to the mayor and his wife like I give a damn. I tug on my mother’s sleeve. “Mom, I’m gonna get a drink,” I mutter to her. She nods at me. Normally, she’d insist that I stay with the rest of the family, but everyone’s been walking on eggshells around me since TJ and I broke up. Normally, I’d hate being treated like that, but tonight I’m reveling in the newfound independence. I make my way to the drink table, but before I can even reach it, a tray with a steaming mug of… something materializes in front of me. “Cinnamon hot chocolate? “Wha-” “It’s still your favorite right?” Of course it is. Cinnamon hot chocolate has always been my one true love, but I’m not confused about that. “What are you doing here?” “My father is catering this rather fancy event, and he asked me to help. I could use the money.” How could I forget that his dad owns a café? I used to go there all the time. He pauses and shoots me a wicked grin. “And girls love men in a uniform.” He is wearing a uniform: black slacks, white button down shirt, and a black vest. Pretty standard for waiters. “Girls like men who shut up,” I say as I take the mug from the tray. Luis smiles. “There you are Rojas. You’re sass failed to make an appearance this morning.” I look down at the ground and cup my hands around my steaming mug. When I look up, Luis is looking at me with a look I can’t decipher, but it makes me feel as warm and cozy as the drink in my hands. I shift my mug to one hand and reach up to touch his face with another. “That looks painful,” I say. “You don’t know your own strength.” I laugh a little. “I’m sorry for what I did. It was wrong of me.” “It was,” Luis agrees. I glare at him and he grins. “But I accept your apology.” I return his grin. “What can I do to make it up to you?” Luis’s face takes on an exaggeratedly thoughtful look. “You could serve tables seven and eight for me.” I put my hand on my hip. “I’m being serious here, Santos.” “As am I Rojas,” he says, mimicking my pose. I start laughing at him, and his grin is bright enough to light up a room. I missed that. I missed us. “We could go to the roof. The utility closet is always unlocked. No one would even miss us.” I’m not surprised that he knows this. Luis was always the best person to concoct an escape route. I shift on my uncomfortable heels as I consider his offer and sip my coca. We used to spend ages on the flat part of my garage roof, which was accessible through my window. I’ve missed that too. “Okay,” I finally say. I follow him through the ballroom and into the hallway, where he disposes of his tray and my mug in the hall in front of the kitchen. “You’re so slow,” he says as I trail behind him to the elevator. “My heels are killing me.” “So take them off.” He says this with an easy shrug and a quick grin, like this is the easiest thing in the world. “I’m not walking barefoot,” I say. Luis smiles at me, and before I can understand what is happening, he scoops me up in his arms. “Luis,” I laugh as I link my arms around his neck. I’d tell him to put me down, but I’ve missed this camaraderie with him. “Can’t let you hurt your feet, Maevey.” I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. Luis Santos had always been home to me. For five years I’d been lost without his strong arms and deep brown eyes. I stay in his arms as we push through the doors and step into the twilight. The slanted doors are perfect for laying on, and we stay there for nearly an hour, my head on his shoulder and his arms around me. I wish we could stay here all night, in this world where I never had cancer and was sent to Connecticut because my parents couldn’t deal with the constant pity from everyone. In a world where we were still MaeveandLuis and LuisandMaeve.

[neverheardnothing]

The Black Suits song ranking

Happy (late) Black Suits Day (eighteenth of September) y'all! Not that anyone asked but I have decided on my personal Black Suits song ranking. As always, I am very correct with my Joe Iconis music takes and will accept no criticism. Also I'm talking about 2013 here. Love yourself (and the work) and listen to 2013 instead of 2012 for better audio quality and a tighter book.

Spirit Song - I don't think anyone is surprised this is my top ranked song lol. "A melody only exists when someone hears, and the number one thing that I've learned through all my years. The fans and the family make the music strong, and the cheering is just as important as the song!" As Will describes it, it's a love letter to audiences (hey, that's me!) and when I listen to this song I'm always reminded of how much Joe believes in the message of this song, that the audience is part of the show.

Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang - [Joe Iconis voice] the language of the show. A lot of this list was influenced by not only how much I liked the song but by how well the songs functioned as extensions/expansions of the scene and the believability of that character singing the song. To me Bangx5 is one of the ultimate examples of this. The lyrics "there's a heavy metal hole where a soul used to be" like that's SO teenage angst and overdramatic just like Chris is supposed to be in this moment. I remember when I first heard the song I was like "is that it? Simple repeated [I am ___] lyrics for your act 1 finale? Seems a bit underwhelming even if it musically goes hard" but then after like another listen through of the show or so I realized that was the intention. When you're seventeen or so and you feel like your world is crashing down around you, sometimes the only way you can articulate it is "I am white boy rage, I am in a cage, I am bang bang bang bang bang bang bang." You are bang, you are loud crashing noises, your emotions are too loud and intense to be described with your limited vocabulary but you try anyways and fail. I love the contrast of the lyrics "I am chew my pens" and "I am hurt my friends" right next to each other. And the harmony at the end? Chefs fucking kiss.

Amphibian - This song is so goddamn fun. Like honestly. That’s it. Nato is chilling by himself and makes up a song about himself and his frog and it’s the best goddamn time in the show. You really get the feeling like these characters are actually friends. I love the “idiot” Nato vs “smart” Brandon. The “who cares about Beethoven. It’s a movie about a dog” joke never fails to make me laugh. When Brandon is expecting a regular bridge to the song and Nato whips out the falsetto and he goes “oh my God” like. Peak comedy here. And also Will Roland doing That? I’m in awe. Like this is what The Black Suits (the band) is, friends hanging out and having fun with music, that makes the next scene when the band formally break up so sad.

It's All Good - “So we’re cool and whatever?” It’s such a teenage boy thing to say. Like you want to acknowledge that you guys have been through something but at the same time you want to undercut it so you don’t run the risk of seeming too openly emotional. I’m also only very slightly bitter about that review that was like “oh wait so the only stakes of this show is the battle of the bands?” Like hello? Did you not see the show or listen to a single second of the finale? It’s about the way these characters communicate in their kinda inadequate ways and how they use music to express themselves. In a way it’s classic, cliche musical theater 101, with the characters unable to say what they feel with plain English so they resort to music, but of course with a Joe Iconis twist. The stakes aren’t the fucking battle of the band, it’s the friendship between the boys. It’s literally so obvious I want to scream. Anyways this song is fantastic way to end the show.

Car Ride To Long Beach - That's right. Car Ride To Long Beach is 5th place. I'm only very slightly bitter about the review that was like "is fried chicken REALLY the deciding factor in going on a drug run?" And by slightly bitter I mean this person goes on the list of people I want to beat up for being so fucking wrong about a Joe show. No, you fucking fool, that's not actually the deciding factor. She's at least on the fence, if not already secretly decided yes, about it from the moment he asks. It's about the company, it's about the road trip, it's about breaking the rules after having been "good" for so long. I am so adamant that this song is about desire and thrill and guilt and wanting to be seen for who you are and not just John saying obscene things. Like take the dialogue exchange right before she finally vocally says yes. "What do I look like right now?" "Uh. You look like... Lisa?" "... Alright let's go." Like tell me that does not drive you fucking crazy after Lisa's constant questions about others perception of her and trying to figure out who she is herself. Car Ride To Long Beach is good you guys are just mean.

Social Worker - Another example of an incredibly fitting character song. The refusal and reluctance of a teenage boy to admit that he actually needs or gets mental health help. I love the music-ification of a panic attack as loud drums and electric guitar. "I don't really go to the social worker," he says, as he goes to the social worker. It’s truly hilariously, heartbreakingly fitting for his character.

The Answer - When that Things To Ruin reviewer said Joe is a master of putting commonly shared moments to music no one else has done before, they were right. Who HASN’T taken a test and failed it so utterly they started questioning their entire life and worried for their future before? I love the repeated lyric questions like John is sitting there reading the question over and over trying to figure out what the answer is. I love the synthy keyboard. Fantastic choice @ Charlie Rosen.

Band-Aids and Cigarettes - Oh this song is so good I feel guilty about putting it at 8. It’s like honestly heartbreaking, not being able to give what the other person needs and being aware of it. And the unconventionality of it being sung by the mentor character instead of a love interest or something.

The Feeling (Part 1 and 2) - Yeah I’m combining them into one song and also assuming the entire beach/Chris & Mrs. Werring conversation is part of the song, too, with the interlude of the “I just want something good to happens.” This song is a jam, plain and simple. I love the absolutely terrible advice that Mrs. Werring gives Chris. “You got to push all your worries inside of yourself, and then they’ll mix creating a combustible boom.” Awful! But Annie Golden sings it so well. And it makes Band-Aids and Cigarettes later that much more sad. In part 2, I love how interconnected the two conversations are. “Just breathe them in -> I love the beach.” The synchronous “I don’t even remember why I liked him/her in the first place.” The score here having the Spirit Song melody. Also now feels like a good time to bring up my Lisa Bred is nonbinary headcanon (though it’s practically textual canon) with “I’m not a girl, I’m a song.” Like that right there, she literally states she’s not a girl, and that’s just the most obvious part. Twice before now, she’s asked people about how they perceive her (“what do I look like right now?” “my girlfriend?” / “Lisa”) and her arc in this show up to this point is discovering more about herself and trying new things. She’s aware of societal gender norms (“isn’t that what boyfriend girlfriends are supposed to do?”) and how she doesn’t really fit in with them. She’s experimenting with expressing herself (dyeing her hair blue, photography). Like it’s all right there. I don’t know if Joe was intentionally writing a nonbinary character figuring herself out but that’s what I get when I read the text straight. In Lisa’s mind, John is one of the gateways to trying new things (“you give me this feeling”) and then that blends right into the rest of The Feeling and it’s so fucking GOOD. I love this song.

Blue Hair - The OG Joe Iconis viral song! I love the music song of this song so much, specifically the guitar/piano riff. I love the multiple sources of motivation of doing it, from actually wanting to try something different, to getting a reaction from Chris and John, even if she denies that last part. And then again at the end of the song with her self-awareness. She’s doing something to stand out/express herself! I love it.

Nato's Song - A six minute clusterfuck of a song and it’s beautiful. Sticking to the actual Nato stuff right now, I think it’s a pretty clever way of passing time and seeing how it’s affecting him and everyone else in the show. With the interspersed content of other characters, it really is the musical equivalent of a film montage. I love seeing Chris’ further breakdown in the form of voicemails to his dad. The music of Blue Hair, Old Records, and Rather Be coming back is fucking great. Everyone is just struggling in this song and it’s great.

Rock 'N Roll Band (Reprise) - I love this re-introduction song so much and the differences between it and the original. I love the chaoticness of the solos all going at the same time. I love the cut Geek Rock Garage King still making in into the show as Brandon’s bridge and how out of place it is with the rest of the song musically but yet it’s still in it. I love the a capella break with Mrs. Werring cheering them on.

Old Records - The fact that John plays the guitar as Chris sings it for someone to hear is so good. When he gets affirmation that John likes the song, he continues. And it’s only after being called out about his writing revealing things about him that Chris feels bad about the song again and claims that they were just dummy lyrics. Once John leaves the backing music comes back on like glockenspiel or something and I love the lightness of it combined with the electric guitar that comes in after.

Black Suit On - I know we’re at like 3/4ths through but I honestly love this song. I love all the songs so much. This ranking honestly barely matters because I love all the songs in this show. I love the (unrealistic) idea of finally being able to be your best self, of all your problems going away, if only something symbolic but ultimately inconsequential thing were to happen. It’s about the (shared) vision for a different future than the one you’re currently living! (By the way I am so haunted by Jen Tepper saying this song was actually about LIHN. Like does anyone know what that means? Do I fundamentally misunderstand this song or LIHN? I don’t get the connection.)

Lisa - Once again, the relatability. Who hasn’t felt like they were good enough for another person? I love the specificity of the AOL verse. It’s so late 2000s. And the rest of the lyrics are so angsty and overdramatic as John is. Specifically in the context of the show this song really hurts after Lisa tells him she can’t fix whatever issues are wrong with him.

Rock 'N Roll Band - I love how the entire song is so what teenagers going through school, waiting for life to change, and seeking refuge in the only place where they feel like they are important and can be themselves. I love all their intros. I love Brandon going way too hard on the drums. “I’m gonna scream and shout, knock you out. I’m gonna conquer the world, get the girl. I’m gonna get some respect, finally connect. When I take a stand, with my rock ‘n roll band.” The extreme vividness of the type of stuck they feel here is so good and it’s a good summary of the show.

Pop Tarts - I love that this song is still called Pop Tarts despite all references to it having been removed except for one dialogue. I love the section of Chris’ vision for the band. The pre-reprise of the beginning of It’s All Good with “we’re cool and whatever?” and all of them joining in and getting on the same page. We love some boys just absolutely barely capable of communicating with each other with words.

Song In My Head/Only Person In The World - The absolute irony and poetry of John singing “I’m the only person in the world” and Chris singing about how everyone is gone when this is a duet. It’s literally so fucking good. When they both sing “I’m the only person in the world” at the same time? Are you kidding me? And this song is ranked 18th? Truly every song in this show is top tier.

Rather Be - This song is rather on the nose in its message, everyone would rather be at band rehearsal. It’s a solid song that helps us get into each of their characters more (“rather be where my buddies / now the same bands / and tolerate my drum fills” / “where my brothas like that I’m weird / and ask to see my squid impression” / “because we’ve only got a little while to get fantastic and get some style / if we do it soon then I won’t have to go to college” / “christ I’d rather be anywhere / but sitting trapped here taking this asshole test”). I love it when characters in shows all have different reasons for singing the same lines.

McFly Is Looking For A Drummer - Rip to this song, being ranked last. It’s not that I don’t like it because I actually do. Again, I just love all the songs in this show. He’s trying to communicate in his own way, which happens to be in music references, but that’s not how other people around him understand, and so he sees this opportunity to be with people who are more like him, but then he he gets scared that he wouldn’t fit in the way he hopes he would, which would be even worse than where he’s currently at where he knows that they don’t quite get him but are his friends anyways. I love that one moment where he drops out singing. It’s very reminiscent of in Michael In The Bathroom when you expect him to sing the title words but he doesn’t, so your brain fills it in for you. It functions a bit differently than that moment does in BMC though. I think in this song it’s the comparison of how he’s currently treated with the possibility of what McFly represents, that he could have the exact opposite experience there, that he’s imagining all the possibilities in that moment. Lol, ranked 20 and I still have so many things to say about this song.