#i read this phrase once: if love is all words and no action then its just poetry. not into that at all

[brunetteaura]

cant sleep tonight ive been thinking a lot about this the past few days and discussed it with my bestie for hours actually: can we really be sure that someone loves us when their actions contradict the sweet words they say and they dont contribute with anything good to our lives? ive been told by so many in my past that they love me (so quickly too youd be amazed) and that im so gorgeous etc but do you help me with things when im low on energy? do you come over when i need your support? are you making my life easier in any way? because now i can firmly stand on my feet on my own and i realized ive been quick to believe those words without stepping back and letting people show me their love with their actions because i was so thirsty for even the crumbs of affection that i acted okay with it. words barely mean anything to me now when theres no room for action. if not, then nothing in my life changes; whats there for me if you dont add any value to my life? honestly if all you can provide me with is words which is something so intangible and fleeting then i have the right to not treat you seriously. maybe if we were kids it could work but in adulthood that approach is immature to me. and this goes both ways so i try my best to show my love with actions instead of talking about it all the time bc there comes a point in which it only shows how lazy i am. imagine someone saying you can always come to me ill support you no matter what then literally not being there for you and ghosting you. of course you wouldnt think they love you and care for you

[skay-ali]

The Forgotten Daughter

Chaper 4

“I don't think Alfred likes what you're doing,” a girl a few years older than him appeared out of nowhere, taking the boy by surprise.

“And who are you?” the boy asked you with an angry tone, still hiding in an expensive vase that adorned one of the tables.

“I'm ___ and believe me, I also tried to steal it and sell it, but Alfred discovered me and punished me by making me clean the mansion with him” you still had that smile from ear to ear since you started talking to him.

“Well that won't happen if he doesn't find out” he defended himself, hiding the vase in a bag “unless you tell him” he pointed out angrily, you were his loose end in this crime.

“I promise I won't say anything if you tell me your name.”

Jason thought of all the great things you could have asked of him, but instead you just asked for his name, how stupid you were, well he doesn't really complain, he benefited from your treatment.

“It's Jason,” he said before walking away and leaving the girl behind.

When he saw her again, he saw her again with her smile and waving at him with her hands.

Thousands of books surrounded him, a smell of wood could be felt in the air, the smell of books also lingered.

Large shelves were everywhere, they created a large labyrinth in the library.

He was bored, he didn't bring anything to this place to entertain himself, even so, he preferred to stay here bored than pay the consequences of his actions.

Sometimes he wondered how it was that Alfred was the one who put him in order instead of the man who became his mentor.

“Hello, little thief mouse,” he was scared for a moment, until he saw the same girl from before.

He just frowned at her.

“I knew Alfred caught you” I noticed a bit of mockery in his words.

“You told him so” she reacted angrily, so she actually joked with him, typical rich girl behavior.

“Not how could I… we made a deal, didn't we?”

“…” Jason actually doubted that girl's words, she was very suspicious in his opinion.

“You know, Alfred is like a bloodhound, he knows what is happening under his nose, even if you don't believe it.”

“What are you doing in this place?” He questioned the girl who sat a considerable distance away from him, near a window.

“The same thing you are doing,” he replied.

“You are hiding so as not to be punished for stealing” he raised an eyebrow doubting her words, he couldn't imagine the elegantly dressed girl in front of him doing such a thing, surely she is being sarcastic.

“Well, not so much like that, I deleted Dad's work schedule” you smiled innocently “maybe then he could talk to me once, even if it was to punish me” your voice sounded sad when you said that phrase “but Alfred noticed it before, so I had to "I had to run for my life before he punished me... without cookies and helping him clean" your attitude became cheerful again, your hands also moved animatedly when you narrated your story.

Your way of putting yourself together amazed him, your joy was also contagious, that bubbly smile you had made him want to laugh with you.

He saw you searching on one side of the bookshelf, your fingers running through the covers of different books.

Until you stopped at one and carefully removed it from its place.

“have you ever read this book” you moved it in his face.

I didn't know why you were asking him.

Maybe this time you were going to make fun of him.

“It was my mother's favorite book, she always read it to me”

“Read it while you hide, I'm sure you'll love it” you offered it to him, he took it hesitantly, you didn't expect him to actually read it.

He saw you take out another book, from a different place.

You read it in a peaceful way, not caring about what was around you.

The boy carelessly glanced at the title, it didn't matter if it was that or dying of boredom.

Thus began a small friendship between the two, when he didn't have to play his role as Robin, spend time with Bruce or just wanted to take a break, he would go to that side of the library where he always found you, where they read books, sometimes he would tell you.

He talked about how hooked he was on the book you gave him and the author's other stories.

You asked him many times to read it and he observed that after a few chapters you would fall asleep on his shoulder while he continued reading.

The silly things that were told always made him happy.

He still hasn't forgotten the birthday gift you gave him, you took him to a movie theater where they showed movies that had already been released a long time ago, but they had something that made him feel very lucky to have you, it made him the happiest teenager in the world, which You took them to see the movies of their favorite author's books.

I didn't forget the times they sneaked into a room where musical instruments were kept, when you turned on a record player or the radio, you looked for the most moving rock songs or some bands with new concepts, as long as I made them move around the room at the same time. rhythm of the instruments and lyrics.

His heart hurt, the times he saw you cry, he couldn't bear to do it, because he would feel the same.

When you expressed your pain for not fitting in with the family, for being forgotten and left aside.

The guilt you felt for being jealous of him, for having Bruce's attention.

Oh what a good soul you were, to blame yourself for feeling a very common feeling, and yet continue to love him as your brother.

Maybe your father didn't really love you, but that gave him the advantage of loving you more, his beloved sister who always did her best to understand him, you let him be the same, you never imposed the idea on him to change, he was better than everyone.

He would forget you so he could have you all to himself. He was very selfish but he didn't feel guilty about it….

Suddenly he remembered everything, how could he forget about you, his older sister, his playmate in the mansion, you made his life in this silent and huge mansion more manageable.

How is it that their memories of all the adventures they lived disappeared, every time they escaped from the mansion to different places where they could be happy children, eating junk food like pizza, ice cream or donuts, they loved the fast food place they always went to , or the arcade they visited and stayed until the place closed.

All those good moments remained as a vague recurring scenario in his memory, a girl dressed elegantly and smiling at him, or reading a book unfazed by her surroundings.

Oh no, she was no longer in the mansion... like she would be if he broke his promise.

The little light of the day was disappearing, orange rays illuminated the library window with great intensity.

“You know sometimes I think it's time to leave this place” he heard the girl confess, she was lying on the floor watching him read his favorite book.

His face was distorted by the girl's words, hearing that made his world collapse, he was going to leave and abandon him.

He put his reading aside and slowly approached his older sister.

“But I won't do it, not while you're still by my side” he saw his sister's look of hope.

“I will never leave, I promise.” Jason knelt down next to the girl who was lying down and made that promise, he laid down next to the girl…

Their gazes ended up lost in the sky, the bright orange colors faded and brought with them a dark night.

It was there where he saw how his sister took out a round lamp, when she hung it up it illuminated the entire dark room, thousands of lights in the shape of stars.

It was a beautiful day, a promise from two young brothers, who were trying to find their way in such a strange and empty world, it was a shame that a few months later the promise was broken.

And the worst thing is that I never looked for her when she came back from the dead, she left you as a vague memory.

Oh he felt so guilty, he hated himself for that, his heart ached just thinking about how much you must have suffered knowing he died.

The worst thing is that he never came back into your life.

He needed to look for her, even if he had to do it for years, searching even the least inhabited places in the world, he would find you and make up for the time he left you, even if it cost him his life.

He stood up from the large dining room table, leaving the entire family present surprised.

He looked at Dick one last time, who was holding his phone, showing a drawing of you.

Now I knew what Damian was doing, it seems that he also fell for your charms, he doesn't blame him, you were a great older sister and he was happy to give you such a title.

What didn't make him happy was that you were in danger outside the mansion, even though he didn't like to admit it, or without one of them constantly protecting you.

He left the room, with all eyes on him, he turned a deaf ear to the questions that were thrown at him.

“Look, I have two cards,” Jon mocked when he saw that he was winning.

“Don't be confident, in the end I will win” Damian warned the boy who was celebrating his close victory, the fool thought, he had some cards that would help him have the game in his favor.

“A little streak of luck isn't enough for them to win,” you mocked the children, before pulling out a card.

When the two children saw her, they complained about their new disadvantaged situation.

It was fun to see them like that.

“You cheated” Damián pointed his finger at you, something didn't add up, you had very good tricks up your sleeve, he admitted it, not even his other brothers were capable of that.

“Noo, that's impossible, you just don't want to admit that I'm better at this game than you.” His gaze remained on you, scrutinizing every small action you made, looking for any mistake on your part that would reveal your trap.

“Wait, our judge never said anything” you pointed to your baby who was sitting in a baby seat, she was next to you in front of the two children.

“He's a baby, she'll never notice the obvious traps.” Seeing how his little niece looked at him in bewilderment and then her childish smile made him relax a little.

“How dare you say such a thing about Alice” you pretended to be offended.

“Yes, Damian, don't blame Alice because you're losing fairly.” Jon approached the baby and handed her one of his fallen toys after cleaning it up, which the girl gladly accepted.

“You see three against one, accept that there are no cheats”

The world worked in strange ways, you've known that since you were little, when your mother left and you met your father.

When you moved and found people who understood you and were part of your life.

When you were lost after graduating, in a repetitive job, and you found the news that you were having a baby.

When you saw her for the first time, your baby, in her little body, weak and fragile, crying non-stop, it made you wrap her in your arms and cry too, now you would have a blood family, someone for whom you would give your entire life, who you would be showered with love and attention.

Meeting your younger blood brother... and living with him was strange at first, but you made it a recurring thing in your life.

Finally, what brought the world to your door today, the person for whom you cried for a long time when you were a teenager, the person who left you another big void in your life...

The person who, at this moment, brought tears to your eyes, even with a stoic face and teeth clashing together, you could not hold back the rain of salty tears, you had to let go of your facial muscles, the trembling of your lips was stronger than expected. That you could bear.

“Oh little thief mouse” you said in a whisper, he just looked at you with his smile from ear to ear, the one he always gave you when they were doing some prank, when they were having fun playing in the rooms of the mansion.

You hesitantly brought your hand up to his face, gently touching his cheek, was he even real? You felt his skin, you ran over parts of his face, he had grown a lot.

The man also let himself be carried away by your touch, he had missed him so much, it made him remember the times when he would lie on your shoulders and you would caress his hair or run over his face playing with your fingers.

But when you removed your hand, he felt the cold take over the parts of his face that you caressed.

At one point you raised your hand again and… hit his cheek.

Although it was an emotional moment to see him again, a feeling of resentment remained in your heart, in your defense he deserved it for making you cry a lot and for leaving, even when he promised not to.

You smiled even with your eyes overflowing with tears, you jumped and hugged him, he was taller than you, he became a big rock.

It was difficult just thinking about talking to him, you needed to know how he was alive, maybe get angry for his recent appearance and for making you cry so much.

But when Damian appeared and behind him Jon carrying your baby's chair with her crying, you knew it wouldn't be easy.

Even more so when you see your little brother point a dagger at Jason.

Wait... how does he have that, he promised that he would no longer bring weapons to your house.

It was a very eventful day, on the part of your brothers who spent their time fighting like little children, and your baby who started throwing a tantrum that was difficult to calm down.

You must be very grateful to Jon who was a great help not only in calming your brothers but also who was by your side trying to calm your little daughter.

“enough” you shouted, stressed by the mess.

Everyone froze when they saw you upset.

You approached your brothers, pulled them by their ears until they sat on a different side of the room.

You walked over to your baby and Jon, carefully picking up Alice and rocking her.

You sat in a small chair rocking your daughter, trying to calm her down, observing all your visitors from time to time.

“wait is she your daughter?” Jason connected the dots and realized a sad truth, he missed the birth of his niece.

“Yes Jason is his daughter” Damián didn't let you answer “and I'm his favorite uncle” he showed an arrogant smile.

“You really think that,” Jason scoffed.

“Hey, I thought I was.” Jon reacted in shock.

“You're not even family” the two looked at him angrily.

“I don't care if I consider you part of mine” you smiled at the depressed boy.

He gave you a brighter smile. Well you could say that now your house became noisier.

Elsewhere at that same moment, a team of heroes caught one of the suspects of committing a terrible crime.

While Wonder Woman made sure to keep him in an interrogation room.

Batman and Superman were reviewing some data they had obtained when capturing the criminal.

His other companions with some of the oldest trainees of the supers were waiting in front of the big screen.

It was a very important case for everyone, so many were attentive to what was happening.

Martian Detective was the one who came in to question the man, but no one expected what he would say to be something shocking.

“I washed the minds of many villains, taking them out of the crime game, that's what they wanted to hear,” the scientist confessed after so much interrogation.

A manic smile adorned his features.

“You didn't wash their mind, but you also ruined it, but now they are incapable of being normal people, many of them have acquired a childish mentality or much worse” spoke a new voice.

A hero, dressed in black, entered the room, his voice was thick, it was obvious that he felt bitterness for what he did.

“Ahh and now I'm a psychopath for wanting the greater good.”

“You are destroying people's lives,” debated the man in the bat suit.

"It's nothing more than karma, they destroyed other lives, that they pay the consequences is not strange," the scientist commented without remorse, checking his nails with disinterest.

“Oh at least that's what she said, I just wanted to torture their minds until they died.”

“Are you talking about your accomplice?” they interrogated him.

"nono... I don't use that term with her, rather she is the moral compass of the group and the mastermind behind the brainwashing, I didn't want to see them pay the price for their actions... always an angel" it was funny say such a word, after all it was a nickname that suited him.

“so they caught red” you said with a bit of annoyance.

"Yes, Blanco hasn't returned from his vacation yet... I think we should postpone the next objective." His voice had a little worry.

Even if he tried to maintain a calm appearance, seeing his reaction on the monitors showed the truth.

“no... we will continue with the plan” you were firm with your response.

“gather the others we need to be prepared” With a few more words exchanged, they ended their conversation and one of the many screens lost signal.

You went to the crib on the side of the room and picked up your daughter.

You carried her sweetly in your arms, rocking her carefully, humming a song, when you sat down in a chair in the office.

You caressed the little girl carefully, her features were very delicate, she always brought a small smile to your face when you looked at her.

You smiled at your daughter.

“Don't worry, Alice, soon we won't worry about someone hurting you.” With one hand you caressed her head carefully.

She took your hand and started playing with your fingers.

“The Alice project is still going,” you whispered.

Your gaze returned again to the monitors, some showed images of different people doing some activities, others showed some data, some two contained news and the rest had no signal, only distorting colors were shown.

Tag list: @kore-of-the-underworld @vanessa-boo @jsprien213 @delias-stuff @vanilliona @bat1212 @yanrandom @Quiarst @palabra de niño salvaje @el termino @leo227 @sirenethblog @ masa para galletas @blueberry19000 @con seguridad

[aetherdoesthings]

hanahaki!reader x arlecchino part 2

forethoughts: i'm aetherdoesthings, of course i don't stick to my schedule. anyways, apologies if the timing of this fic seems wonky. i had specific scenarios in my head when i was planning this, with each stage of filming, which i have no clue about because that is not the path i took, so yeah :]. enjoy early upload!

notes: alocohol mentioned!!! drinking is in this!!! reader does drink!! don't be like reader this was just for plot drink responsibly guys!!! modern setting, arlecchino and reader are actresses, fem!reader, hanahaki au

“So, how’s everything? Still coughing up a storm?” You choked on your coffee when you heard that familiar voice, echoing in your head like a broken stereo. 

“I guess you still are. Wow, an entire year?” Arlecchino chuckled, pressing a few buttons on the coffee machine. “So what did the doctor say? Just a cough? Cold? Colds don’t last for a year. Doesn’t look like a fever.”

“R-Right, u-um, just a cough. Y-Yeah.” You nodded your head, mustering up a smile.

Damn it, Y/N, you’re an actress. Act. You scolded yourself on your performance. 

“Alright then.” Arlecchino gazed at your smile, one finding its way onto hers. “I hope you’ll be okay; tomorrow is all about shooting promotion videos and the day after traveling from studio to studio to do interviews.”

Your face instantly paled at Arlecchino’s words. Shit. Promo week. No rest, non stop smiling, repeating the same phrase over and over again on different networks and platforms. The worst part was that Arlecchino was right by your side the entire time during the shoot, acting all lovey dovey towards you to sell to the audience that the two of you were playing a pair of couples. Then again, you would be lying if you said you weren’t excited to read comments after comments of netizens shipping the two of you together. Your heart fluttered at the thought, the child inside you kicking their feet in the air as you held back a grin. Well, you held the grin back, but not the cough.

Your left hand shot up to your mouth, your body already letting the cough take place, letting the petal travel up your esophagus and into your palm. You didn’t like how your body was already used to the feeling of having a part of a flower regurgitate out of you, muscles immediately jumping into action and making way for the disease in your lungs. Your stomach churned as Arlecchino rubbed her hand on your back, trying to comfort you and make you feel better.

“Oh, Y/N…” Arlecchino’s hand took the hand that was on your mouth, holding it in hers as she made you look at her. It took every single willpower inside you to not blush or let any sort of heat course through your body, biting down a whine as her fingers found its way to your chin. Your bones turned into toothpicks, joints threatening to disappear. 

“Are you sure you are going to be alright? You don’t need to power through all those interviews if you physically cannot-”

“I can.” A surge of stubbornness and pride overpowered your senses. Arlecchino didn’t know you were in love with her, and Arlecchino certainly did not need to know you were in love with her, and that you were a weak little coward that let a disease run your life.

“I can.” You repeated yourself, nodding your head. “I’ll power through. I promise.”

You felt like you were telling yourself that more than you were telling Arlecchino. 

Arlecchino stared at you, those crimson eyes giving you no clue into what she felt. Arlecchino pursed her lips, before removing herself from you. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, darling.”

And just like that, Arlecchino left the room, her hands leaving your body. You let out a gasp at the missing touch, confused and baffled by her actions, cheeks flaring red at her nickname for you. All alarms in your brain all went off at once, your stomach doing a backflip and your vertical toothpicks turning horizontal. You looked at your left hand, noticing the empty palm. That’s strange. A flower petal was always there after your skin turned red and you got lightheaded. Your mind flashed back to Arlecchino’s hand around yours, how you thought her act of intertwining your fingers was supposed to be an effort to comfort you. 

Oh, how naïve you were.

Arlecchino had the petal.

Arlecchino knew.

Arlecchino was going to have the evidence she needed to confirm her suspicions.

How would she even know-

You always coughed whenever she got close or when you talked to her, you idiot, and she’s a fucking genius, so she’ll piece everything together! Your brain quarreled with each other, your body leaving the room as you stood there like a soldier made of stone, palm open and empty.

Maybe there wasn’t a petal this time. One side argued.

There always is one. 

But maybe there wasn’t.

You leaned onto that sentence, clinging onto it as if it was your lifeline. Maybe there wasn’t a petal this time when you coughed. Maybe it really was just a cough. It wasn’t a cough from your stupid crush on the beautiful, intelligent-

She definitely knows.

You stared at the bread knife on the table, stabbed into a piece of baguette. If only that baguette was your heart, perhaps you wouldn’t have to deal with the constant yes or no that battled in your head, no side willing to raise the white flag yet. 

This was Arlecchino. Hollywood star with a hundred million followers. Everybody knew her name. No haters, no drama, just an absolute queen living among peasants. And… you were one of those peasants. 

As if Arlecchino would ever love you back.

As if Arlecchino would ever want to spend time with you, a total D tier so-called actress.

But maybe there wasn’t a petal this time.

Maybe. How that word was able to make hope fill your heart and shatter it into tiny pieces.

Furina was giving a speech. You were amongst the crowd of both cast and crew, a glass of wine in your damp grip. Your finger drummed against your pants, waiting for her monologue to end so you could ditch the party. 

Somehow, you managed to survive through the whole filming process, despite having to cough up petals every day. Yes, people turned their eyes towards you, then towards the other normal people to talk about the freak you were. Coughing and disrupting every other scene where Arlecchino’s character had to be in close proximity with you. The minute Furina ended her speech, you snatched a full bottle of wine from one of the serves, disappearing into the blank hallways before anyone could start a conservation with you. You ducked into a nearby broom closet, the walls managing to drown out most of the sound of laughter and conversations. You closed the door behind you, sinking down to your knees as a sigh of relief passed through your lips instead of a petal. With the bottle of wine already opened, you wrapped your lips around the front, chugging all the wine down your throat, hoping that’ll be enough to make you forget your situation, even better end your predicament for you. If the disease wasn’t going to kill you, alcohol will. And you were a much bigger fan of the latter.

The noise did not die down for the rest of your time you spent in the closet, your head resting against the wood. Maybe no one will find you here, and leave you here to rot. Yeah. No one paid attention to you, even though you were supposed to be the co-star of the movie. After all, it was Arlecchino you were working with. Arlecchino. Everyone loved her, everyone wanted a picture with her. You? You were just there to hold her bags. That was all you were worth.

“Oh, Arlecchino.” You laughed into the darkness, head rolling against the door. “Why must you be like this?”

You despised the feeling of helplessness and dependency on another person.

You never intended to fall in love with Arlecchino. The constant need to see her and hear her voice was never desired.

And now there was a damn disease you were plagued with that forced you to confront something you wish never existed.

There were two options to get rid of hanahaki forever. Either you confess your love to Arlecchino and she says yes, or you confess your love to Arlecchino and get rejected. 

“Like she’ll ever love me back.” You laughed, bringing the glass to your mouth, even though it was empty.

Suddenly, the door swung open, causing you to fall onto the wooden ground, drunken eyes readjusting to the harsh lights, a crimson and white figure partially blocking your sight.

“Hmn. So this is what people stricken by hanahaki is like? They drink themselves out of their misery and hide in a broom closet?” Arlecchino’s voice echoed in your head, that signature snarkiness and mockery in her voice. Though there was a tint of warmth and concern in her voice as well, or maybe you were just hallucinating again. 

Yep, you’re done for.

[wrinkly-fucking-qtip]

Mickey vs I Love You

Against popular opinion, I do believe Mickey's "I love you" in 5x06 was the first time he ever said it. Let me explain.

His type of hesitancy with the phrase is not that of fear out of someone listening. No. It seems to me, he noticed Svetlana was in his shared space after he says "I love you" and does a double take when finishing the voice note with "call me back." While I do like to think that he could've said his first "I love you" somewhere within the aftermath of 4x11 and early s5, the only reason I don't think that is because it feels too easy... I think Mickey was too in his head in the aftermath, thinking of how fucked this all turned out. The baptism, the coming out, the brawl, them returning home to wash themselves clean, the sex (implied because they wake up naked together the morning after) it's too much...

Such an admission would be lethal for his brain chemistry at the moment. "I love you" is the peak of vulnerability, where he already is painfully aware of everything he has endured, on top of being completely aware of his feelings to the point of unease, like clothes sticking to your skin. Suddenly you know the shirt there, even though it always has been, just subtly.

I believe that during these times, Ian was probably "comfortable" with saying it. Sparingly. Again, it's too much, it's all too real, and even though Mickey literally sacrificed his life that night, a huge call to action due to the ultimatum, he let fear be his enabler. For saying "I love you," though... it's too close. He can do everything else, a man of action as he always is, and saying things like "what you and I have makes me free" which, you could argue is MORE of a big deal, Mickey chooses very specific words, and they all mean too much coming from someone like him with such awful background, and that's where his comfort lies. Letting Ian know about his feelings through actions, not the words. And knowing how much Ian loves to use them, words, he knows the weight behind them. It's still too much and he feels it.

Not long after, Ian's depressive episode is in full effect. How could he ever find the chance to say those words? Ian is practically paralyzed, and the events from the night before are still fresh, and now he has to process this entirely new thing? Too much yet again. I said earlier how Ian would say "I love you," but very sparingly. I like to think the first time he said this to him, maybe early s4-s5 transition, once the depressive episode cessed, Mickey had the same silent reaction Lip did when Mandy said it to him, but for entirely different reasons. It's like his entire world became this miniscule thing within the pools of his heart, and Ian could read his expression instantly. It wasn't a silence of rejection, he was almost in awe.

And some sick part of me wants to think if he gets scared because he knows there's been strange behavior on Ian's end, that of course, he doesn't understand to its capacity, and maybe Ian says this as a result of that, or if he does know Ian wholeheartedly means it, he loves this boy, as much as Mickey loves him, but still unable to vocalize it. Would he be able to discern between the two?

"You don't have to say it back" spoken in a whisper. Mickey still lost in Ian's eyes. They probably hold each other. Ian acknowledged this dazed boy before him. He knew what the words meant. Jumping back to the "you love me, and you're gay," he was done imposing his feelings onto Mickey, done projecting (not forever, but for a while). Mickey can do this on his own terms, when he feels he can, when he deems it ok to feel it all at once, recognize that everything is, in fact, all too real. And the moment came, although bittersweet.

Cause Ian wasn't there face to face to hear it, he left, and he was manic, the possibility of loosing him due to some negligence suddenly being too real. Familiar even. Things that became too much all of a sudden. So why now? Because the stakes are somehow higher this time. The fear of the unknown is higher. Mickey is dealing with a version of Ian he can barely recognize. When in 4x11, he already knew what he could lose, and his odds against Terry, he already knew what he was going to deal with, as much fear that overcame him, he knew. This? This he does not know.

And I'm thinking about the fact that so much has happened now, this slow, gradual observation of Ian losing himself, Mickey might think that it's now or never. Maybe an "I love you" is enough to snap Ian out of it? Saying it because he has no clue of Ian's whereabouts, and with extreme thinking, that he probably may not see him again for some time, the same way 3x12 happened. And it's like the words come out like a punch to the gut even though his brain doesn't know those words came out. Just look at his face. That's a legitimate face of hesitancy of admission. (courtesy of ajcrowleys)

Everything became too real again, and this one big word couldn't be held back any longer. He hears himself say it, finally admitting what he knew was true all along, just like a shirt. But who knows if Ian heard the voice mail. I think yes, at some point... maybe... but it breaks my heart.

I'd definitely would like to know other opinions, I have so much to say about Mickey's "I love you's."

[hello-vampire-kitty]

Servamp chapter 128 translation "ashes to ashes"

READ ON MANGADEX

NOTES

Oh my God...This chapter...more like, one particular page. I spent days trying to figure out the meaning and I still probably don't understand. Maybe I'll talk about it on the stream for chapter 130 because it might not make sense in writing...

Okay, here are some notes because there were words that had furigana and some of them I couldn't write on the pages.

In this panel the furigana for 思い出全部 (all 'the' memories) is 名前すら (not even names), so based on the first reading, the line can also be translated as "If/When someone dies, not all memories disappear".

Page 29

This one...This is the one I had so much trouble with. Do I understand the lines from the first panel? Probably not. I've tried for days to make sense of them, because I understand that line in different ways. First of all, I can't even say what is "The darkness of someday". Is he referring to himself and the other demons or something else? My God, I broke down this sentence, like "Ok, this seems to be subject, this is the action, but then there's this grammar part...WTF is going on here, what are u saying man?!" 😭 I spent days on that line and like I said, I might try to talk about it on stream because maybe it's better if you hear me explain rather than writing about it. Okay, so there's another thing that has to do with furigana. I didn't write on the page because a word that has furigana only once, appears a few times with its regular reading and that's the word 悪魔 "demon". In the second panel in the speech bubble on the left, ぼくら "we" is the furigana for 悪魔 the rest of the times where the word demons appear, it's only that reading, so I didn't want people to think that InnerKuro's actual word in the last panel could have been something like "We (ぼくら) are in every person".

Page 30.

Here we have the word 感情 "emotions/feelings" with the furigana 　ぼく (first person pronoun "I"), but only in the second, third and fourth panels, the first time where it says "ugly feelings", it's only that reading. Previously on page 28, Kuro said "these helpless and uncontrollable emotions" and given how the word is associated with InnerKuro here, Kuro could have implied "You (InnerKuro/emotions) are also a part of me." InnerKuro's last line sounds weird because he doesn't simply say "I will protect you". きみの一番大切なきみを守るものだ。 Like if I were to translate literally, it would be something like "I will protect your most important/precious you" There's a possessive there and it's きみのきみ It sounds weird and it's possible that Tanaka sensei is fuckin with us because the word きみ "kimi" that usually means "you", there are other words that have the same pronunciation and look at that, there is 気味 and looking in the dictionary, its synonymous with 感情 "emotions/feelings". I hope that the way I translated makes sense... Last page.

The sentence is here is also weird like the previous one and it needs explaining. I tried my best to convey it's meaning. 親愛なる and 愛をこめて are phrases that can be used when writing letters for example, the first part can be "Dear" (friend or whoever you're addressing) and the last part is "with love/affection" 親愛なるすべてのきみへ、愛をこめて。

The weird part about the sentence is すべてのきみ again we have きみ which means "you" and the phrase translates as "all of you" and you can see how I tried to translated in such a way to make it clear that it's only about one person, because saying "all of you", could be interpreted that it's about more people. The phrase is saying something like "your whole being/ all that makes you" So, the way I translated might sound weird but hopefully I managed to convey the meaning.

[ninadove]

Nina reads Dracula 🦇

October 11th, 2024

I think that none of us were surprised when we were asked to see Mrs. Harker a little before the time of sunset. We have of late come to understand that sunrise and sunset are to her times of peculiar freedom; when her old self can be manifest without any controlling force subduing or restraining her, or inciting her to action.

Oh… Dawn and dusk have become moments of transformation for Mina as well… 🥺

"We are all here together in freedom, for perhaps the last time! I know, dear; I know that you will always be with me to the end." This was to her husband whose hand had, as we could see, tightened upon hers.

Jonmina strikes again… Also a prime example of Mina’s lines resembling something Van Helsing or Dracula would say.

"But death is not all. I cannot believe that to die in such a case, when there is hope before us and a bitter task to be done, is God's will. Therefore, I, on my part, give up here the certainty of eternal rest, and go out into the dark where may be the blackest things that the world or the nether world holds!"

I would, in fact, chase a vampire all the way to Transylvania for her.

"This is what I can give into the hotch-pot." I could not but note the quaint legal phrase which she used in such a place, and with all seriousness.

I LOVE HER I LOVE THEM

"What will each of you give? Your lives I know," she went on quickly, "that is easy for brave men. Your lives are God's, and you can give them back to Him; but what will you give to me?"

Dying is easy young man… Living is harder…

Quincey seemed to understand; he nodded, and her face lit up. "Then I shall tell you plainly what I want, for there must be no doubtful matter in this connection between us now. You must promise me, one and all—even you, my beloved husband—that, should the time come, you will kill me."

"What is that time?" The voice was Quincey's, but it was low and strained.

"When you shall be convinced that I am so changed that it is better that I die that I may live. When I am thus dead in the flesh, then you will, without a moment's delay, drive a stake through me and cut off my head; or do whatever else may be wanting to give me rest!"

Quincey was the first to rise after the pause. He knelt down before her and taking her hand in his said solemnly:—

"I'm only a rough fellow, who hasn't, perhaps, lived as a man should to win such a distinction, but I swear to you by all that I hold sacred and dear that, should the time ever come, I shall not flinch from the duty that you have set us. And I promise you, too, that I shall make all certain, for if I am only doubtful I shall take it that the time has come!"

I also love Quincey… So much… 🥺❤️

Think, dear, that there have been times when brave men have killed their wives and their womenkind, to keep them from falling into the hands of the enemy. Their hands did not falter any the more because those that they loved implored them to slay them. It is men's duty towards those whom they love, in such times of sore trial!

I am once again asking how ANYONE can read this novel and think of Dracula as a sexual liberator

How can I—how could any one—tell of that strange scene, its solemnity, its gloom, its sadness, its horror; and, withal, its sweetness. Even a sceptic, who can see nothing but a travesty of bitter truth in anything holy or emotional, would have been melted to the heart had he seen that little group of loving and devoted friends kneeling round that stricken and sorrowing lady; or heard the tender passion of her husband's voice, as in tones so broken with emotion that often he had to pause, he read the simple and beautiful service from the Burial of the Dead. I—I cannot go on—words—and—v-voice—f-fail m-me!

The themes of love and death in this book ARGH

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[yuseirra]

English is not my native language, so my phrasing might seem a bit odd, but it would be such a shame if this amazing work and its words went unnoticed. I've shared similar sentiments on forums in China, and it truly delights me that different languages can resonate with each other. I've also shared your other insights with my friends, which have greatly enriched our analysis of the plot.

I firmly believe that behind 'oshino ko' lies a tender story, so I always approach the characters' motivations with kindness. For instance, Hikaru's ruthless actions, though extreme, I suspect stem from his devotion to AI, possibly tied to mysterious deities or even a ritual sacrifice to revive AI. I wholeheartedly agree that upon realizing AI's deep affection for him, Hikaru would cross his final boundaries for her and their child, perhaps marking the moment when Aqua and Ruby fulfill AI's wish to save him. This anticipation fuels my eagerness for the next comic update.

I also admire your perspective on AI—a timid, clumsy, yet resilient girl. Despite her tragic past, she perseveres for those she cares about, albeit with methods that may seem skewed. Hearing AI's mention of wanting to bear a child on the DVD deeply touched me, as it's a profound extension of her feelings for Hikaru. It's unfortunate that the original work doesn't delve into their interactions, but your work beautifully captures my imagination of this couple, portraying their intricate, everyday affection with remarkable finesse.

Furthermore, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the twins being stillbirths. It's intriguing that Serena passed away four years before AI gave birth, and AI's death occurred four years later, leaving room for speculation about deeper connections.

Once again, I apologize for my jumbled language, but I truly wanted to express how your work has ignited passion in a reader across the ocean."

This ask is AMAZING, anon! What do you mean your language is all jumbled? You're even better at English than I am!! I love love love how it's written, I feel like I write too casually sometimes and it's very refreshing to see a message written in such delicate and carefully coined phrases, I feel it's written really well. It sounds considerate and calming! Ah, this ask was the first thing I read this morning, and I'm really happy about it, thank you for your kind words and thoughtful insight. I've been getting a few really positive comments about my hikaai works lately and it feels like gifts. I feel it's a good thing that I've decided to create and put it out there thanks to you all, it fuels my love and passion and keeps me going, I'd like to tell you and everyone I appreciate it coming so much! I feel so lucky, it warms my heart... :)

Wow! I never realized my work had been reaching people in China as well, that is so exciting to hear! It's quite hard to imagine who'd be seeing my stuff and how far it could reach... you're very welcome! Good to know it's been reaching you and your friends, and it makes me grin so wide to hear it's even enriched your insights regarding the plot... really? Is that true? That's amazing!

Yes yes yes, totally agree with the second paragraph: could be wishful thinking but still, I'd like this story to be a kind and fulfilling one in the end. There are some very dark themes spread here and there, but I think the story is ultimately about "love" and passion. Moving into the light. I agree with your take, I feel like Hikaru's actions stem from his devotion towards Ai. He.. used to be really soft. The only thing that'd change him to take some extreme measures and become more ruthless(if he's ever been so) would be his desperation towards Ai and her well-being. I believe he really does love her that much. If he's someone she's loved so much, I feel he'll eventually understand her true wishes too. Love is a very powerful thing..!

I'm honestly really nervous before every new chapter drops, I'm scared of being proven wrong if I am... you see, I'm even prepared to take down my works if what I've come up with ends up to be entirely false! But I keep drawing out of spite and determination through it all because there are things I think I can see. You have no idea how worried I am about my theories~~ ;v;.. I feel I'm going in the right direction, it should, it should be this way, right? Ai was so loving and it's not something that just sprouts from nowhere... I'm convinced, but the fact that there are a lot of things that remain unclear's unsettling in the first place. I've got mixed feelings! I want to see things unfold and get it over with, and I also find myself being a bit relieved when there's hiatus. Haha ;v; getting these asks's been helping me because I know I'm not alone with my interpretations!! Let's root for it together! I'm crossing my fingers~

Third paragraph YES! couldn't agree more on that as well! Ai is a great character. She's so human with human flaws and weaknesses and insecurities, but she's also so strong. I'd be so proud of her if she's really existed, I'd give her a big hug and tell her she's tried her best and endured so much for the sake of others. What Ai expresses in the video is so powerful. He's the one she wants to have a child with, that's HUGE... and so tender. She wanted to keep them because she wanted to stay with him forever and that's like one of the biggest love confessions someone could make towards another. She liked him that much, so I feel they would have felt happy together for her to feel that way towards him. Having a family would have meant so much for Ai, she's a very hurt person inside and he was the one person she chose, after all she's been through. There MUST have been things about him she loved dearly enough to convince her "yes, this is the guy I want a future with, I want his kids. I want to stay by his side forever and carry everything as a couple together". Thinking about that makes me feel really tender inside and it makes me want to appreciate this couple. That's.. really wholesome. She doesn't feel that being with him would be bad for her, quite the contrary. So I draw them that way, with them sharing some precious moments together. I think that'd be the truth of how their relationship would have been. I can't create from scratch- I always need something from the original work to work from when I draw out a fancomic, and what I've been drawing's mostly been created through rearranging and being more descriptive of what's already there! Most of it's really what exists in the piece, with just a little bit of my imagination to help it slightly develop. I look back at the comic a lot as I draw, but I feel I could get bolder and explore things more, thanks to your positive feedback. Thank you very much!

Fourth paragraph, Yes!!// I really get fixated on the specific parts of the plot and I'm not very good with every detail (it's not that I don't understand, but I focus most of my analyses/energy in the areas I feel really passionate about) but what you mentioned is something that's made me ponder at least once. I have two theories about this: one being realistic and one having fantasy elements- but they may interconnect with each other.

I was surprised when I first read that Ai's children were originally going to be stillbirths without souls..; If her children with Hikaru were born lifeless, that'd have hurt her immensely. It'd have been so sad;; So Tsukuyomi essentially saved Ai as well, along with the two souls who were reincarnated as them, by helping them meet with each other like that.

The realistic explanation on why Ai's children could have been stillborns, I think, would be that she was constantly under a huge amount of stress with a lot welled up inside her. She was going through a lot of pressure, her group members left her feel isolated, she had to meet expectations, and she had to decide to leave a relationship she really wanted to stay in. I think there's a part in the movie arc where they say Ai had a lot of anger within her too. Feelings like that can take a toll on your body, and it could have affected her kids.

Another theory (the one with fantasy elements) I have is that Ai might not have been able to have children with souls to begin with, because she was originally not a human but an inanimate being-a star-a god. She wasn't meant to have children because she must return to the stars and the ocean once her duty's been fulfilled? But another divine being, Tsukuyomi, who's in charge of the fate and souls of people, could have taken pity on Ai's situation as a fellow god and helped her safely have her children and experience the love she wanted before her life ends.

I have written out some speculations on this aspect and a comic based on this idea, Tsukuyomi could have been Ai(and Hikaru)'s colleague or acquaintance. She may have picked out the two souls that could really love and help her, as the god of fate.

Since she's the god who guides fate(and souls too, conveniently)Tsukuyomi could have been able to figure what may happen to Ai and prepared things in advance. That's the only explanation I could come up with for the time being!

If this is the case, Tsukuyomi would be one of Ai and the twin's biggest ally. I feel she's a character who means well, although she does get pushed around by the twins XD she adores them. I say..maybe in a way an aunt would to their nephews(if she really is an acquaintance of their parents in some way which I HOPE SO? it makes sense her to do them favors and such if she is??)

The reply got so long!! I hope you don't mind! and this BETTER not get lost as I publish;; I want to keep this ask too~ Please, feel free to share about my works ;v;)/ I'm more than happy to learn it's been read by fans who are very passionate about onk, and with delicate attention and care. Having you expressing these feelings to me matters!! Please, no apologies. It's perfect the way it is and I love it! It means so much that you care and found things to enjoy about them...it makes it all worth it. I'm glad I'm able to make something that could do that for someone.

I'd love to come up with more things we can enjoy together!! 'v')9 Let's have fun till the end! Hope you have a good weekend and hope to see you around!

[berystraw]

Love Leaves Scars: Your Move, My Riddle.

[L.L.S. Masterlist] | [G.H. Masterlist] | [M. Masterlist]

Warning: Mention of throwing up and being nauseous, Skye and Asnid having a screaming match, reader has a panic attack and faints, Skye is just being herself, and Tobias being a dickhead. (Tell me if I missed some)

Pairing: Oc!reader x Grayson Hawthorne

W.C: 1.4k

The room erupted in yells and accusations. And all of them were directed at me and Avery, but I could barely hear them through the ringing in my ears. I had my hand clutched to my chest, and my vision was blurry. My chest was heaving, and I felt myself gasp for air.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

was all I could hear.

I saw the blurry figure of Asnid arguing against Skye Hawthorne, and I tried to call out her name, but no sound came out. I tried to catch a single word that came out of the older Hawthorne's mouth, but it was no use. Her voice was simply hidden away by the loud sounds of my heart beating against my chest. My throat tightened and I felt less and less air enter my body.

"Breathe, Verity, breathe," I kept telling myself, but it was no use. It was as if no amount of reminding could teach me how to breathe. It was like I was underwater, and every intake of breath hurt and made me even more distressed.

I looked down at my hands and they were shaking uncontrollably. I stood up and felt the room spinning as I did so. I reached a shaking hand towards Asnid, but before I could get a hold of her arm, I felt my eyes close.

With one last final gasp of air, I allowed the darkness to embrace me in its warm and comforting embrace. I just hoped I didn't hit my head and bleed to death when I collapsed.

When I regained consciousness, I was laying in a king-sized bed. I blinked once. Twice. Thrice. My eyes adjusted to the bright light coming from the windows. My head was throbbing as I held it in my hands and sighed.

Once the throbbing subsided, I took in my surroundings. The walls were wrapped in a deep red color with gold intricate patterns. The floor was covered in a soft gray-white that tickled my toes as I walked around the room.

While looking around, I wondered if I was dead and this was the place I would be staying in for the rest of my afterlife.

The bed sat in the very middle, and across from it hung a big TV, possibly 55 inches. A small shelf placed below it held different kinds of books, allowing the guests of the room to enjoy and lose themselves in a reality built on words and imagination.

I was so caught up reading the titles on the spines that I failed to hear the door of my room open. It was only when I felt two arms wrap around my body and the flowery scent of the person's clothes invade my senses that I realized I was indeed alive.

"Asnid," I whispered, her name falling off my tongue so smoothly. I felt water dripping down on my neck where Asnid had buried her head. I chuckled softly and pried her head away from my neck. Her eyes and nose were red, and tears continued to stream down her face.

"I'm okay, Asnid, I'm okay," I assured her and placed her hand on my heart. A sob came out of her mouth, and she wrapped her arms around my neck. I whispered assuring phrases in her ear and gently patted her head.

It went on for a few more minutes before her breathing started to even out. She sniffled into my shirt, and I jokingly told her not to get snot on my favorite shirt. She shoved me away, laughing, her tears drying on her cheeks.

"Good thing Mr. Blonde guy saved your head before you got to hit it, I was so worried, Vers," she told me, holding my head in her hands.

"Grayson," I said under my breath. "Grayson? That's his name?"

I couldn't help but feel a warm, comforting feeling in my chest at the thought of Grayson's actions.

"Stop with the delusions, Verity," a voice in my head said, and I shook my head and closed my eyes. Focus. Focus. Focus. I repeated over and over.

"This bed feels so soft, Verity," Asnid said as she laid down and rolled around the bed in delight. I looked to my side and smiled at her as I watched her move around the bed and try to get comfortable, until something caught my eye.

There, sitting comfortably on my bedside table, was an envelope. To be specific, the envelope that the lawyers had given us before the will reading started.

The memories from the will reading resurfaced in my mind. From the moment we entered the room to the moment they'd announced me as the new owner of Tobias Hawthorne's belongings.

I started feeling the uncomfortable rumbling in my stomach. It made me sick. I felt like throwing up, but I didn't want to ruin and stink up the carpet.

"All remaining monetary assets and worldly possessions not otherwise specified, I leave to Verity Quinn Rosewood."

The words echoed in my head over and over and over again. The scenes of Asnid and Skye screaming at each other in anger, and Skye pointing her manicured finger at me, accusingly, flashed through my head. Nash and Jameson's laughter. Xander's jokes. Grayson's piercing grey eyes.

"Verity? Are you okay?" Asnid's concerned voice snapped me out of my trance. I tore my eyes away from the envelope and ran a hand through my hair, smiling at her.

I nodded at her, but her eyebrows pinched together, and her eyes continued to stare at me, utterly unconvinced of my response. "Yes, Asnid, I'm fine," I assured her with a soft smile and sat beside her.

Asnid turned to something behind me and reached for something I couldn't see. It wasn't until she placed it on my lap that I realized it was the unopened envelope.

"You should read it," Asnid nodded her head towards the envelope. She placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Call me if you need me, I'll just go and check on Avery and Libby," Asnid said. I assumed the two other girls were staying in another room outside of mine.

I heard the soft indication of the door opening and closing. A shaky breath left my lips, and I reached for the envelope laying on my lap. My hands shaking slightly as I held the white paper in my hand.

Open it. Open the letter and read what he wrote.

I carefully ripped open the sealed envelope, and a card sat inside, waiting to be read. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

It's just a letter. Just a letter from the man you hate the most.

I took the card out of the envelope and read the words on it. I was expecting maybe a long explanation of why he chose me as his heir, why he chose to ruin my life again. Maybe I was hoping too much that he'd explain why he did what he did.

It was delusional. But I hoped and hoped and hoped. I was slapped awake by my own delusions.

4 words.

16 words.

"Your move, My Riddle."

No other words or letter were written on the paper. After his message, he had written his initials:

T.T.H.

I threw the card beside me on the bed and cradled my head in my hands. Anger, betrayal, and frustration bubbled in my chest. I wanted to scream and break something to let out my frustration, but I was sure it would be no use.

It would not help me in the slightest. It would not help my ongoing anger towards the now deceased Tobias Hawthorne.

T.T.H.

"Your move, My Riddle."

Riddle...

The words swarm in my head, and I could feel the pain pinching itself in my head once again. I was forced to recall all the times he called me that nickname. The number of times he used to congratulate me with that nickname. The number of times he prompted me to start my move in chess with that nickname.

"Your move, My Riddle."

My Riddle...

I hastily reached for the card again and noticed something I hadn't seen when I first read it.

Your move. My Riddle.

It was not an apostrophe, but a period.

My breath caught in my throat as the words started to make sense now.

It was an indication. He wasn't calling me "my riddle"; he wasn't just saying the phrase he used to say whenever we played chess. Now, this was no longer the chess game we played when I was younger. It wasn't just his little games we played during the weekends.

Tobias Hawthorne. Even in death, you are playing your silly little riddles.

I hurriedly ran to my door and yanked it open. "Asnid—" I began, but the rest of the words I wanted to say became air. Because standing in front of me was none other than Grayson Hawthorne.

Taglist: @whysosmugwitch

[senditcolton]

I Want to be The Difference

Random “I love you’s” just in case they forgot. Before you leave for work. Every time they come home. While cooking. While sitting on the couch watching TV. Anytime.

part of my Valentine's Day prompts requested by @comphy-and-cozy | word count: 0.8k | warnings: none! could be read as a sequel to this blurb

It shouldn’t be shocking but if you were speaking honestly, it took you by complete surprise how seamlessly you and JT had managed to make the transition from best friends to something more. It was amazing how easy it was to be with him; your days felt the same but they were filled with more. More romantic gestures, more loving words, more sensual touches, more actions that made it clear you both cared for each other as more than just friends.

The only major difficulty that the two of had left to conquer was a traditionally nerve wracking milestone in any romantic relationship: saying “I love you.”

The two of you were obviously in love – it was shown through actions and other words – but those three words had yet to be spoken by either of you.

Well… JT hadn’t said it yet. And technically, you hadn’t either. But you told him you loved him. Many, many times.

When you text him before you start work; “love you.”

When you wish him luck before a game; “love you.”

When you say goodnight over Facetime; “love you.”

When he drops you off at the Detroit airport; “love you.”

When you hug him before security at DIA; “love you.”

You had even said it when the two of you were just friends. That phrase was simply a part of your vocabulary. It was always casual, spoken to friends and family alike. And JT used to say it too. But when your relationship veered into the romantic territory, he stopped saying it back to you – with a laugh and a sparkle in his deep brown eyes.

And you slowly realized that there was a hell of a difference between two words and three.

You sigh and move closer to JT, pressing your body against his as the two of you cuddle on the couch. Those three little words – words that should be so easy to say all things considered – hang over you. You try to ignore the anxiety they bring, try to enjoy the feeling of being in his arms right now.

Because it was easy. This was easy; laying on the couch, takeout containers on the table, wine glasses half-full, his arms around you. Everything that lead you here was easy.

Why was it so hard to attach that one-letter pronoun to a phrase you said to him constantly?

“What are you thinking about?”

JT’s voice pulls your attention back to the present. You glance up at him, your chin coming to rest on his chest as you take in the sight of him; his ginger hair, his full lips, his dark eyes.

“Nothing,” you start, the lingering pause on the end of the word making it clear that there was more you wanted to say. JT hears it, his patient eyes stare into yours, waiting for your concluding statement.

Say it, your mind whispers. Say it now. Say those three words.

“I just missed you.”

JT smiles and your heart aches at the sight of what you thought was a flash of disappointment pass across his face. Or perhaps that was your own guilt playing tricks on you – you weren’t entirely sure.

“I missed you too,” he replies, his hold tightening around you. You offer a small smile in return before returning your head to its original position against his chest. The steady beat of his heart hits your eardrum and you desperately try to match your own heart to the rhythm.

“I love you,” JT’s voice echoes around the living room.

“Love you too,” you instinctually reply, his words not quite sinking in. A brief pause, a small nudge to your side and a quiet call of your name brings your eyes to his again. The beating of your heart flips into overdrive at the conviction you see shining in his irises; a determination that had only been directed at you once before. The same look he had that afternoon in the Garden of the Gods, when he asked if you wanted to try to be something more than friends.

“I love you,” he repeats, gently emphasizing the words. It is only then do you realize the gravity of his words.

The smile that breaks out across your face is unstoppable and a matching grin appears on his.

“Really?” you ask.

“Really.”

A small huff of laughter escapes your chest and you can’t stop yourself from lifting your body up in order to press your lips against his. The feeling of his smile against yours – specifically a smile that was caused by such joy and happiness and love – was indescribable. You slowly pull away, but only far enough to be able to whisper those three words that no longer felt difficult to say.

“I love you.”

[beyondspaceandstars]

Treacherous (18)

Relationship: Druig x Reader Warnings: fluff, depictions of anxiety Summary: Soulmate!AU - Soulmate tattoos are incredibly rare but you’ve never felt really proud to have one. Everyone else around you gushed over it while you found the whole thing ominous and a little inconvenient. Truthfully, you were never really convinced you’d find your other half… That is until a random camping trip leads you to a quaint village run by a dark and brooding man who just so happens to be your soulmate. Stuck in the forest with nothing else to lose, you agree to join his world, his little village, and see if there’s actually love behind the markings. A/N: I promise one day it will not be a whole month in-between uploads :) also this fic has over 50k words, that's so cool

‘Treacherous’ Masterlist | Main Masterlist

To say a person’s world can change overnight was ridiculous but also very possible. You had experienced it once — granted, it was an afternoon and all you did was walk into a forest, but a change was certainly what occurred. 

You now faced it again as you watched the direct messages and likes and emails pour in. It was like your ex’s presence was the earthquake that started the avalanche. 

Saying your forum post was gaining traction would be the understatement of the century. Somehow, screenshots of it ended up on some anonymous social media account, where it gained its initial attention, then the news sites swooped in, and now it felt like all virtual eyes were on your life. Although, no one exactly knew it was you. You thanked whatever higher being was out there that you had opted to keep your post as anonymous as possible. Even your email was a random string of phrases, giving you the opportunity to completely walk away. 

Still, for the privacy you kept in real life, there was no doubt an absolutely deranged series of events seemed to have materialized in the dead of night. You held your suspicions on how it came to be — you didn’t take your ex’s cordialness at face value — but getting lost in the sudden chaos wasn’t something that you were actually going to allow yourself to do. And maybe you’d do that eventually but for now, even as you watched the notifications tick up, you couldn’t help thinking about the words you swore you heard in the silence of your bedroom. 

It was nothing like you had felt before. Before, you had felt the bond, the connection, pulsing in the absence of one another. Druig was there and not there. That was different. This… These were words, a clear sentence, projected in your mind. You hadn’t felt much like it before. The closest you could recall anything like that was when Druig had been in your mind, in control. But even then it was a different sensation. You had no explanation for it but you knew what you had heard. 

Between that phenomenon and the one exploding on your computer screen, you found yourself in a tricky position. You weren’t sure what you were doing anymore. Nor did you know what the point was. Your newfound notoriety should’ve felt liberating — people were listening — but the longer you sat with yourself, it just felt like the road was fading out.

Throwing a personal pity party had become second nature. You sighed and closed the soulmate forums, your emails, messages, everything, and opened a new browser tab. You clicked through until you got to the other things your regularly browsed nowadays: the news. 

It was, admittedly, a random habit you picked up, but ever since you had found yourself much more secluded in your bedroom than you had been in the forest but with a window to the world, you took to reading news articles. 

But your heart didn’t let you ignore the fact that wasn’t the only reason. You remembered what Druig told you he was setting off to do and surely the presence or actions of cosmic beings would garner a few headlines. Typically, you would immediately click over to the World section, mainly due to the fact you didn’t know where Druig actually was, but your cursor didn’t even get that far this time. A certain Breaking News article caught your attention.

What you read sounded straight out of a fantasy novel and you’d almost write it off as a hoax had you not seen the weirdness this planet could produce. A giant gold statue turned up on a volcanic island, half emerged, like it was trying to break out of the surface. You clicked on the headline and skimmed the story but there wasn’t much information to go on. The literally larger-than-life structure wasn’t there one second and now it was a permanent fixture on the Earth. 

You scrolled through the comments and found others were just as confused as to what was going on in this remote area. Was it an art structure? An elaborate prank? Aliens? Superheroes?

You clicked over to the photos cycling through the gallery embedded in the article You had read a lot of news in your day, especially recently, but nothing had caught you as this did. Some rumored sightings of cryptids and reports of UFOs in the area had drawn you in as well but there was something specific about this. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it but you almost felt kin to it.

This wasn’t… There was no way… Was this the danger he had seemed so determined about? 

In robotic fashion, you felt yourself begin to scratch at your tattoo. That had been happening more and more lately, especially after you heard those three little words in the night.

No, this couldn’t mean anything, right? What were the odds of you coming across this? It was all aligning too perfectly like the pieces of life were drifting into place. 

Although hadn’t it worked like that on your little camping trip? Hadn’t some force pulled you right to him?

Maybe you were just being dramatic. Maybe you were turning into one of those girls who wanted to find a sign in everything. You tried to find the courage to consider other possibilities. This was just another weird occurrence in a world full of weirdness. This was some otherworldly race making an attack on the planet. This was… This was… 

You sighed. This was something. It could be the something. Your tattoo and the newfound bond, as much as you didn’t want to admit it, rarely lead you astray. 

But if this had been the life-threatening danger then did it mean he would be coming back? You scrolled back to the top of the article. It was published just over twenty hours ago. Almost a full day since the news had picked up on it but it could’ve been there much longer. You didn’t know what that meant, and something in you didn’t like it one bit. 

You had to step away from all of this. You just knew you had to. Something in your gut was stirring. 

You gathered an ounce of courage you had been hunting for what felt like forever and slammed your laptop shut. The urge to walk away, to storm off from what lay in front of you, was itching in your brain. It was an eerily familiar feeling but you couldn’t turn it off. 

How did you get here? How the hell did it get to this?

Part of you wanted to leave. You didn’t know where that part of you came from but it was creeping into your heart like a hungry snake. Where you would go wasn’t of concern. You just knew you had been cooped up here for far too long. The place you dreamed of some nights seemingly long ago now felt dreadful.

You pushed away from your desk and threw on one of the coats you found laying in the corner of your room. You grabbed your wallet and flipped through the cash inside. It was only a couple of bucks but could get you…maybe a cup of coffee. Yeah, a cup of coffee. That sounded good to you. That sounded like a nice treat and a way to get out of the stuffiness hovering in your room. 

But upon exiting your space, you came face to face with your parents. They were cooped up in the kitchen, huddled over their own laptops, looking at something you couldn’t make out. Their heads lifted in sync when you entered the room. 

Your mother eyed your coat. "Is everything okay?" 

Fair enough question, you figured. It had been a hot minute since you even looked presentable enough to venture out of the apartment. You had a couple of job interviews here and there but you were sure there was a different sense in the air.

"I’m heading out for a bit," you explained. "I… I just want a coffee." Right? That was all? Your head said coffee. The money in your hands said coffee. But your heart and soul were confused. 

"Coffee?" Your father repeated. You nodded. 

"Coffee. From the shop down the street. Nothing crazy, I promise."

You could tell they almost didn’t believe you. Almost like they could understand something was off. You wished you had never even looked at that damn article. You couldn’t stop thinking about him. Of course, he ran across your mind every now and then but your feelings now weren’t like that. It was all so insistent, demanding, a pulse pounding through your brain.

"Well, alright," your mother agreed. "Have…fun."

You nearly laughed at her forced words but you instead took the chance to make your exit. 

Feeling the fresh sun on your face and hearing the hustle and bustle of the city in the afternoon was a welcoming but shocking attack on your senses. Everything was always so muffled in the apartment way above civilization it was almost surprising whenever you left. Such a rough comparison to your time in the village.

You joined the flow of people walking on the sidewalk with familiar ease. The coffee shop wasn’t far enough to hail a cab but still a noticeable walk on foot. This was the city, though, and you felt like you could walk to the ends of the world here. 

It was easy to fall in step with everyone else. Navigating your way through the city was muscle memory. You kept your head down and your pace strong. Blending in felt magnificent most of the time. The attention you had brought upon yourself, some accidental and some knowingly, melted away for a moment. 

You continued marching along almost oblivious of the world until your little bubble was forced to pop just under a block away from the apartment. 

You hadn’t noticed the person in front of you had stopped walking until you foolishly crashed into their hard back. You gasped, surprised, and immediately started spewing out apologies. However, the person didn’t seem to hear you. In fact, they weren’t reacting at all — they were a complete statue. 

At first, you thought maybe something ahead of you on the sidewalk had seriously caught their attention, but then you noticed from the corner of your eye there was another person frozen mid-step.

"What the…" You were in awe at this perplexing sight. You whipped your head around to find everyone around you was standing there, completely still, staring ahead.

And… Oh. Their eyes. Your stomach did a million somersaults. That shade of gold was seared into your memory. 

But how could that be? Did he have the power to mentally encapsulate an entire citywide population? You might’ve underestimated your soulmate. 

You stared at the stranger who had been walking behind you as you stood in the middle of the motionless, silent city. You didn’t know where the person had been going to, what they had planned for the day, but their entire world — maybe the entire world (Could he do that?) — halted. 

Softly, from the opposite direction, came the sound of footsteps. They cut through the heavy stillness with determination. You didn’t have to turn around to know who it could possibly be. 

You let out a humorless laugh as your heart threatened to pound out of your chest. "You know, you could’ve just tried to call," you muttered. "I’m sure my number is somewhere online."

That rough, accented voice replied with such ease. "Do I seem like the type to ever use a phone?" 

The village didn’t have phones but surely someone in his group had a phone. But, truthfully, he really didn’t seem like the type to hold much interest in such things. Maybe you could show him, you thought. He was in your world now.

You sighed as you shoved your hands into your jacket pockets and turned around to face your soulmate. Long lost, finally returned soulmate. 

When your eyes met, it was like more than just the people around you had stopped. In the depths of your bones, of your soul, you felt an unmistakable calmness. It was all so much stronger than you had felt upon your initial meeting. Time and distance were not too kind to soulmates, you realized, but boy were you rewarded when reunited. 

Getting beyond your initial shock, you finally had the chance to really see Druig for the first time in what felt like ages. (Bit dramatic, you knew, but time was a funny thing.) The first thing you noted was the visible exhaustion written all over him. He seemed different yet the same in ways you didn’t know how to describe. The other thing that couldn’t help but catch your eye was his clothing. The village attire you last remembered him in was replaced by a modern-looking fit. He could blend in pretty much anywhere now which almost made you laugh. 

"So, the world isn’t ending?" You asked to cut the tension that floated like a thin sheet of ice between you two.

Druig chuckled. "That’s what you want to talk about right now?" He slowly stepped toward you, somehow both confident and hesitant at the same time. He truly was an enigma you were gifted with figuring out. 

You glanced at the still-frozen strangers of the city. "Maybe we should talk after you let all these poor people continue on with their day."

"You didn’t like my grand gesture?" He asked with a smirk playing on his lips. "I figured soulmates do this kind of thing."

You couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up in you. "This seems a little bit extreme even for a grand gesture."

Druig shrugged. "I needed to get my lady’s attention."

"Mission accomplished."

"Fair enough," he replied. With some concentration and a flick of his wrist, the city was resurrected. It was a little jarring at first, especially when the people who had been walking behind you practically plowed into you, but Druig was right there to catch and steady you. His touch was the electric current your life had recently been missing. Suddenly, everything seemed possible again with him around. It was stunning what a little mark on your wrist could conjure up.

"There’s a good diner up the street we could sit and chat at if you’d like," you said after you two successfully stepped out of the way of the sidewalk traffic.

He didn’t ponder the question very long, almost like he was ready to follow you off anywhere. "I’d love that."

It felt so natural walking beside him as you wove in and out of the fast-paced people also off on their own missions, in their own worlds. Druig, though, looked very neutral on the situation at hand. He didn’t seem eager to be surrounded by people, a very alarming contrast to the village, but he also didn’t seem disgusted by it. If anything, he looked curious, but you knew his way with humans was unique. And it certainly wasn’t like he hadn’t expressed his opinions on populous cities with you before.

"I guess you were meant to find me in New York," you commented, trying to keep the heavenly mood but also teasing him a bit. You’d made the remark during one of your very first conversations. You never thought you’d be past that lonely, chaotic stage.

Druig playfully rolled his eye snap nudged you with his shoulder. "You might be the only one I’d willingly venture into this extraordinary landscape for."

It was hard to diminish the fluttering in your stomach. You were enjoying this so much. Not too long ago, standing side-by-side with such eager might’ve felt like a fever dream. But the cookie had crumbled in the most interesting of ways.

"I missed you, too," you softly admitted. Part of you wanted to tell him that you had heard him so clearly that night in your mind, while the other part just begged to let down some iron guard.

At first, you weren’t sure Druig had heard or even understood you. He didn’t reply right away and instead continued walking. You grew a bit nervous, ridiculously fearing you had revealed too much (this was him, after all), but all was steadied as you felt his hand reach for you. His fingers brushed against your thigh. You took your hand out of your pocket and let your fingers intertwine. 

[sabetha]

20 Questions for Writers

tagged by @fandomscraziness22 <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

80 - well on my way to 100

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

299,441 which is actually SO infuriating

3. What fandoms do you write for?

whatever I happen to be hyperfixated on at the time....right now it's Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous/Chaos Theory, but Lockwood & Co. and The Raven Cycle round out the top 3, followed by Six of Crows and some miscellaneous podcasts

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

do you know i love your tattoo (and you) (l&co)

She's Just a Friend (ML)

just keep your eyes on me (l&co)

Take It From Me (soc)

See Yourself Out (soc)

This list is actually so wild to me wtf

5. Do you respond to comments?

Sometimes it takes me a while, but yes! I try to respond to every comment I get, with varying levels of success

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

this has to be a trick question, right? p much everything I write is angst oops. although to be fair, I do usually try for a happy ending. so the angstiest ending....

based on canon: you were the story i chose for myself (the dreamer trilogy) OR what do you know, this house is falling apart (l&co)

canon divergent: slipping through the cracks of your cold embrace (l&co)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

why is this so hard?? I don't know if these are the happiest, but I'm partial to The Great Gansey (trc), Dream Me the World (trc), and The Plan (ML)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I don't think I've ever gotten any really negative comments on my fics which is great because I would cry

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

not typically? my Dark AU for L&Co features some smut (PLEASE READ THE TAGS IF YOU'RE GONNA READ THIS FIC) yesterday we were just children

10. Do you write crossovers?

nope, i'm not inherently opposed to the idea, but a lot of times they just don't feel natural to me

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Oof I hope not

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so? I've had at least one person ask, but I don't know if it ever happened

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I was working on a ML fic with a friend once! we unfortunately did not finish that, but it was a fun experience

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

..... you can't ask me to pick between my children like this

But Ronsey (trc)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Learn to Like The Taste. (soc) - it's started, it's vaguely outlined, it's partially drafted, some of it is posted.... I would love nothing more than to finish this story but its been years and head empty no thoughts

16. What are your writing strengths?

emotional angstttttt, it's basically my lifeblood at this point. I've also been told I'm good at mirroring the writing of the source material? so that, I guess. I'm pretty proud of the phrases I come up with when I put my mind to it

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue?? action?? don't know her

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i've got some latin in my fics for trc, and te admo adhuc (the college tapes) is a title in a different language, so I'm deciding that counts

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Miraculous Ladybug

20. Favorite fic you've written?

this is a really mean question, actually, so now you get to suffer through me making another list

As Good As Later Gets (Wolf 359)

Something New For Every Night (trc)

trapped in yesterday (l&co)

things we have to do that we can't stand (trc)

slipping through the cracks of your cold embrace (l&co)

tagging anyone else who wants to do it, if you're seeing this, yes you!

[sasukimimochi]

Of course, this ficlet is MATURE. if the mature tag wasn't a warning enough for you.

Disclaimers 1) COI / DEMON WWX is not canonically trans and this is not a/b/o, but you are free to imagine it how you please when reading if it enhances the enjoyment for you. Canonically, as he's a demon, he can simply shift his body as he pleases, and here he wanted to use a slit, so he did. as simple as that! He changes it up sometimes.

2) He's a demon so expect things like scratching, rough handling, foul language, etc. Demons express affection through unique ways in my universe, but biting and scratching is one of them!

There are no spoilers included here, so have fun reading!

quick phrase explanation: "The winds" refers to something similar to a heat, it's a curse brought on by the second ring of hell which is known to have turbulent winds of lust. The winds can be brought on accidentally via overstimulation, like milking/edging and it's a somewhat painful experience without a partner despite it being one of the more lenient curses. I made these curses up myself, so please do not use them for any of your writing!

-

Clash of Immortals

A Century of Waiting (snippet) Word Count - 687

Wei Wuxian growled and flipped their bodies, pinning down the others arms like something had snapped. “Lan Zhan..” his voice dropped, eyes flashing with iridescent blue fractals. His breath shuddered, as if withholding some sort of force, and without the ability to control the aggression in his body, he bared his teeth and snarled.

Lan Zhan was still a bit shocked from the reaction, but with no complaints he leaned in to nip again at the other’s jaw. He thrust his hips up, driving his length back into the wet mess between the others legs and stirred up fresh growls and whimpers.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you!” Wei Wuxian’s face twisted in pleasure, gasps and hard breaths escaping him from the overstimulation. “F-Fuck Lan Zhan…!” He slammed down his hips in time, gasping as the man wriggled free in order to grasp his ass, fingers gripping and parting the flesh so he could aim deeper for the demon.

Wei Wuxian saw stars, his second climax causing his body to tremble and convulse. “O-Oh fuck!”

The noises were so ungodly wet, but the angel couldn’t find it in himself to be ashamed of the mess, especially with how wrecked it made the demon. He growled and bit the others shoulder, hands tight on that soft flesh as he continued thrusting desperately until he had completely spent himself. It wasn’t until he had stopped moving, erection still throbbing and twitching inside of his partner, that he released the bite with heavy breaths.

Wei Wuxian collapsed onto the other, his slit twitching still long after the other had stopped moving. “I-if I catch the winds because of you, you’re taking responsibility, Lan Zhan.” He leaned into the other’s hand as it held his burning face, eyes still half-lidded in a euphoric haze.

“Happily.” Lan Zhan gave him soft and slow kisses, eliciting small keens from the still sensitive demon. “I want you, so much I’m sure you’ll be sick of me.”

Wei Wuxian warbled in low tones, the sound almost like a creature more than anything humanoid. “How could I be sick of you? I just might run you ragged though if you try to fuck me again, you know. I’m too sensitive, I really will catch the winds and you will regret your actions.” He said that, but moaned when he felt the others length throb inside him as if in response. “Lan Zhan…”

Well, it was too much to resist. He missed the man, He was extremely happy to have him in his arms and was more than too excited to be able to make love to the man of his dreams. “I would never regret pleasing Wei Ying...” He growled softly, wrapping an arm around the other’s lower back before pulling the other into a deep kiss.

Wei Wuxian trembled, colored smoke curling out of his lips and shimmering with its heat. “M-mnh…” keened once more, feeling the other’s length hardening inside him all over again. “Lan Zhan…w-wait…”

“I’m sorry, I can’t wait longer. A century of waiting was torture…” He flipped their bodies, dipping his head against their skin to mark it further, dotting the other’s supple skin with red and purple hues. “I’ll make sure to take responsibility!”

Wei Wuxian arched as the slippery length started to pull out, his little toe-beans splaying out due to his now over stimulated body sending searing heat to every stretch of skin it could find. “H-hahh—L-Lan Zhan…! I-I…A-ah!” He cried, his arms immediately rushing to wrap around the other so he could grasp onto something- anything- because the sounds that came out of him the moment his angel drove back into him over and over again with such force were the most unrestrained, debauched noises he never thought would escape him and he had to hold onto something.

His claws found purchase, marring that beautifully smooth surface with thin stripes of red. While Lan Zhan hissed from the scratches initially, it only spurred him on further, the impact of his hips against the other’s bottom surely to leave the skin there a pleasant, bright red.

-

I decided to post this ficlet on Tumblr because reddit is...reddit, and most of my audience is here now anyway! it's just a random bit of smut written for COI, a preview if you will~

You can find a lot more COI content on the masterpost or check here to see all my other mdzs content. 💖✨

[rillils]

RILLLLLLSSSSSSSSS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HKJFHSDKJ

i so terribly want to write but i dont know howwwwwww ughhhhhhhhhh hsdkfhasdhfjk i have one (1) singular blob of words that i think is amazing, one (1) convo between them. and youre telling me that i have to write a whole fic around it 😭😭😭 how do you do it rils 😭 the little thing i wrote is so soft and so pure, i dont wanna ruin it 😭 its just steve talking and all the actions are in my head, how on earth do i put it into words

not enough appreciation is being shown to writers istg, i owe them my life

honey, you're asking the big questions here 😭😭

I know, sweetheart, writing can be both a pleasure and a struggle - actually, sometimes it is both at once xD I never got the hang of it, myself, but all the writers in the world deserve an actual medal for every single line they write and put out there for us to enjoy!!

I don't think there is one fool-proof recipe for a smooth writing session, where the words simply come to you and it's like the fic just wrote itself without any bumps in the road (that's an extremely rare occurrence, if it ever happens at all); but I do think there are some things you can consider when you're writing:

if you already know what needs to happen in your fic (that is to say, if you know what the characters are going to say and/or do), that's a good thing!! amazing, actually! I know that, when you envision a certain scene, it can be hard to translate the characters' actions into words. try to picture that scene in your head: what do you see? are the characters talking? if they're talking, what's the tone of their conversation? are they whispering, are they chatting, are they arguing, yelling, laughing...? how do they feel: are they happy, anxious, angry, sad...? you can focus on their mannerism too, to convey their emotions: are they gesticulating? are they tense, maybe sitting up too straight? are they nervous, bouncing their leg, biting their lip? are they comforting someone? are they showing affection with their body language? leaning into the other character's space, or touching them, or snuggling up to them, hugging/kissing/sharing meaningful looks? there are so many things you can try and explore with your writing! which, maybe that makes it feel even more scary sometimes, but you don't have to explore everything all at once. you don't have to already have everything set clearly in your mind from the get go: you can build your fic (or your scene) little by little, line by line. one step at a time, honey <3 and if you don't like the first draft, don't worry! first drafts are made to be edited and changed and even taken apart, that's perfectly normal!

you won't ruin your fic, honey, trust me on that <3 now you have the foundations: all you're going to do is, you'll keep building on those foundations, and around them, bit by bit, without hurry, because there is no hurry. you'll pour all your love into it, and you'll watch it grow, until you feel that it has reached its natural end.

the thing about completing a story is, the finished product won't always look like what you had in mind originally. it's so very common for a writer's plans to be completely derailed, and that's okay! the writing experience is unpredictable, but that's half the fun of it <3 the finished fic might look a bit different than what you set out to write in the first place, but that doesn't make it bad, believe me.

you're the one writing this fic. which means that you're probably going to be reading, and re-reading, and editing and tweaking it over and over again. the reader has the privilege of looking at the finished product, without seeing the struggle and labour that went into it; but you, you've seen every stage of it, from when your fic was just a couple of snippets with a big hole in the middle, that you weren't sure how to fill in just yet, to when it finally looked like a whole story. you've re-read every line and wondered if that was the right phrasing, the right rhythm, if the character's voice felt right or if it was off. you took it apart and put it back together over and over. which is why, your own writing is never going to look perfect to you, especially when you're still in the process of writing your story. but more often than not, when you leave it alone and come back to it after a little while, you'll find yourself thinking: "hey, actually this wasn't half as bad as I thought it was!"

I don't know if any of this is going to help at all, but... if you're struggling with your writing, please know that you're not alone <3 That being said, I hope you do finish the fic you're writing, and I'm looking forward to reading it, because you're amazing and I just know that you're doing a fantastic job, darling <3 Happy writing, my dear!!

[troybeecham]

Today the Church honors St. Francis of Assisi (1181-1226 AD), Deacon and Friar.

Ora pro nobis.

Saint Francis of Assisi was born Giovanni di Pietro di Bernardone, informally named as Francesco, meaning “little Frenchman, by his mother who was from France.. He was an Italian Catholic friar, deacon, and preacher. He founded the men's Order of Friars Minor, the women’s Order of Saint Clare, the Third Order of Saint Francis and the Custody of the Holy Land.

Pope Gregory IX canonized Francis on 16 July 1228. Along with Saint Catherine of Sienna, he was designated Patron saint of Italy.

He has become highly sentimentalized and trivialized in the 20th century, including being rebranded as the 'environmentalist saint' with patronage of animals. This should break our hearts. In his life, however, he was completely devoted to preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the formation of disciples of Jesus, adoration of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, and for the care of the poor, homeless, and outcast lepers. As a Roman Catholic Franciscan friar friend of mine once preached in my parish, "Don't you dare make my Francis into a birdbath or relegate him to a tiny statue in your garden! He was a radical in his love for Jesus, the poor, and for preaching the Gospel!"

Speaking of things Francis never said, there’s a beautiful prayer, often called the “Prayer of St. Francis”. It is lovely on its own merits. It was written during WWI in 1912 for a French newspaper as a plea for peace. I love this prayer, and commend it to all for use in your life of prayer, as I do the radical discipleship of blessed Francis, who gave all to Jesus in service to the poor, lepers, and the conversion of all peoples.

"An example of this [sentimentalization and] misrepresentation of Francis is the phrase, "Preach the gospel everywhere; if necessary use words," which is often ascribed to Francis. It's a popular phrase. The problem is, there is no evidence Francis said it. It’s like saying, "Feed the hungry; if necessary use food." To honor St Francis, go to your local homeless shelter and offer a foot clinic, to bathe their feet and tend to their wounds; go volunteer at your local soup kitchen, and sit down with the folks who come and listen to them.

Of course, the wisdom of these particular sayings do not depend upon their source. Many of us have been on the receiving end of words spoken in the name of the gospel by someone whose life or attitude did not "preach" the gospel. Our lives must bear witness to the good news of Jesus before our words about that good news can make any sense. Francis did encourage Christians “to shine as an example to others.” But to suggest that the gospel can be preached without using words is deceptive. We ought to be able to tell the Gospel in a manner that makes the story of our lives make sense. That requires words as well as actions. Francis did in fact write, “Being the servant of all, I am bound to serve all and to administer the balm-bearing words of my Lord.” (Letter to all the Faithful)

In 1219 AD, he went to Egypt in an attempt to convert the Sultan to put an end to the conflict of the Crusades. His attempt failed, but the Sultan was so impressed by his holiness and love that he let him go home to Italy rather than imprisoning him for ransom or executing him as an infidel.

By this point, the Franciscan Order had grown to such an extent that its primitive organizational structure was no longer sufficient. He returned to Italy to organize the Order. Once his community was authorized by the Pope, he withdrew increasingly from external affairs. In 1223, Francis arranged for the first Christmas live nativity scene. According to Christian tradition, in 1224 he received the stigmata during the apparition of Seraphic angels in a religious ecstasy, making him the first recorded person in Christian history to bear the wounds of Christ's Passion.

He died during the evening hours of 3 October 1226, while listening to a reading he had requested of Psalm 142, exhausted and physically broken by his radical devotion, at the age of 45.

Blessed Francis, you challenge me, and even frighten me because you actually actually did what Jesus said, and so render my accomodations to this world and excuses for not giving up all to follow Jesus invalid. Pray for me.

Most high, omnipotent, good Lord, grant your people grace to renounce gladly the vanities of this world; that, following the way of blessed Francis, we may for love of you delight to give ourselves wholly unto the adoration of your blessed Son, our Savior Jesus, and to the preaching of his Gospel for the salvation of the world with perfectness of joy; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever.

Amen.

[evanescentdawn]

1. Share a song that makes you think of "me and you" 🥺 and also 3. Heh

hi, haku <3 thanks for sending this in ^^ I went ham as usual

also would u look at this. i actually Finished answering this and did not leave it to rot in my drafts for many months ahem which I think deserves a golden sticker. a great yuki feat for nov 2023

1. Share a song that makes you think of “me n you”

UHH…. honestly don’t remember what song I was listening to when writing that fic but def was in my touken playlist. but mmmmh. “spring thief” + “thought crime” by yorushika because the vibes are FITTING. I do not think by lyrics fjfjjfjfjf

3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

currently it’s my v beloved, hands under the scorch of the sun (we loved once) (once that is not now) (anymore)

every time i go thro my ao3, which has been a lot lately honestly lol I go so unwell when I see it. ITS THE !!!!! FIC !!!!! I love it so much it’s SO fun it’s so great it’s thee best. I was on a roll when I was writing it

AND OH THE TITLE. OH THE TITKE it’s so great. great as in im So ASHHSHDJDJDAHHHHHH oh my god. I was so Real for it. as my past me wrote “*explodes* —> me” in the end author notes, so v true and noted.

I love v dearly and it’s current fav because of HOW I WROTE IT. the unsaidnsss the tension it goes SO hard it’s unreal. it’s weird in a way too because it’s???? not at all typical way I write???? like WHAT is “casts a look” I never use those kind of phrases or write ways I did in this which is why it makes it so fun and so weird. also PUTHOR/SKALES !!!!!!!! this two make me so unreal for real. ever time I see this fic my longing to finish is another puthor/Skales is so v great. MY BELOVED SNAKES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also HEH I’ve been actually been thinking about this fic today. well, technically it was kinda yesterday since it’s 3am rn. don’t ask why I am awake. ANYWAYS, some thoughts I had. like I read this post on “narration distance” and it got me Thinking about it (by that came to learn some v interesting Very Cool stuff about this draft I made yesterday? about Ichigo & Rukia lol) and was looking at my other work and i came to this one again and the start of it:

“pythor casts a look at skales. “what are you doing here?” >>

it immediately starts with a zoom-in, no easing into the character or the scene. fanfiction being a exploration of characters you already know makes this fun sandbox where you can start fics zoomed-in and it won’t be jarring in some ways because the readers assumingky ALREADY know this (assumingky as I’ve Read fics for fandom I know jack shit) anyways. I kinda forgot what sort of thoughts I had then, but. anyways.

I love it drops right into the action of things, no set up for the setting or what not. also I love how it starts hard with “Pythor” the little distance between the narration and “Pythor” right from the beginning puts a focus on Pythor. its an immediate invitation to this pythor’s world. also the way that skales is also referred to as their name in pythor’s pov, instead of a pronoun — putting focus on puthor&skales relationship and creating this smaller distance between the reader and these characters. it’s would be different to read “Pythor casts a look at them” as it makes Skales unknown and puts a distance between the narration and the “them” who is unknown. But instead, it was “Pythor casts a look at Skales” >> it gives importance to Skales as a character in this moment and significant to Pythor itself

and then looking at the entire sentence, at the middle bit that connects Pythor and Skales, “casts a look”. the verb “casts” is very fun sounding and especially the way it’s “k” and “s” sounds give it intensity and the way it it’s a deliberate action that is stressed with the word “cast” is written phonetically. it gives the following “a look” phrase a intensity.

also interesting how “casts” immediately follows “Pythor” putting Pythor…. andddd stoping myself here because my head is hurting. trying to articulate yourself is blergh. anyways V COOL START I LOVE IT V MUCH

also my fav ever part in this fic that makes me *scream*

“i’m here for a proposal.”

skales slithers closer, and skales’ hand is not touching pythor’s but — it’s a close thing.

“for a marriage union.” skales says. eyes firm and not breaking away from pythor’s, saying everything that skales’ mouth isn’t.

something that pythor doesn’t want to translate.

like WHAT IF I EXPLODED. god god god the “skales slithers closer, and skales’ hand is not touching pythor’s but — it’s a close thing.” is my favourite thing EVER

the repetition of “skales” putting emphasis on Skales themselves and everything they are doing. also I LOVE “slithers closer” slithers has this snakey-sneaky feeling to it also the alteration of “Skales slithers” has a nice ring it to. also AHHHH the “closer” it gives it like a tension of some kind. but it doesn’t stop there it goes AND SKALES’ HAND IS NOT TOYCHKNG PYTHOR’S what if I exploded fr. I love the focus on “Skales’ hand” and the way it’s not touching pythor’s. Like the fact it’s not pythor’s is significant!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s about the HANDS, and the NEGATIVE SPACE BETWEEN SKALES AND PYTHORS HANDS and the way the me continues this with the “but” and the dramatic pause of the emdash and says ITS A CLOSE THING

screaming. screeching. OH this is so good. OH this is so brilliant. I love it to death

also HELLOOOO “saying everything that skales’ mouth isn’t.” GAHHH AHHH AHHHHHHHH and that ENDING OF

“something that pythor doesn’t want to translate.”

the way!!!!!! nothing is like said!!!! the way the something that Pythor doesn’t want to translate is never said what it is!!!!!!!! but Pythor does know what it is but it DOESNT want to translate it. the way the whole passage has “Skales’ mouth” “Skales hand” “eyes firm” like as if ever part of Skales is saying something. it’s SO NNNNNGHHH good like give it to me

also the way a… lot of things of these things were accidentally LOL as I was trying to djdjdj write without using pronouns which is a challenge but also creates this super fun effect that im so loving. its so cool. this fic is so cool. I love it v dearly. PYTHOR/SKALES !!!!!!!!!!! OF MY HEART HEHHEHEHHE

also hello the way Skales is so active in this part. the way they slither closer, the way THEIR hand is close to pythor’s and the way THEIR eyes are firm and not moving away from pythor’s. the way !!! Skales only talks !!!! both verbally and a lot thro their body language as well. meanwhile Pythor is just There and while its their pov, it looks like Skales has taken the spotlight. and it finishs with “something that pythor doesn’t want to translate.” LIKE PYTHOR !!!! KNOWS WHAT SKALES IS TRYING TO SAY AND KNOWS SKAES BUT IT DOESNT WANT TO TRANSLATE IT !!!!! IT WANTS TO REJECT IT !!!!!!

also the way the ending just drops off! it doesn’t say what pythor’s responding answer is! it leave u hanging SCREAMING on this heightened tension screams OH its So good so v in love with it heh

def my fav piece right now <3 <3 <3 the Pythor/Skales is so Strong sighs longingly I wish to write more for them but working on the two ideas I have right now is to much work urgh and trying to make more ideas provides to be Hard cuz brain empty only Pythor/skales no idea NDJJDKDJDJD <3 so Helpful lol

ANYWAYS SO THERE IS!!!!! MY PYTHOR/SKALES!!!!!!! FIC !!!!!!!!

im so normal btw abt the title. refraining myself so bad into going into it because i do have not the spoons for that rn JDJKDKDKDKD

[youhideastar]

(Yet Another) Fanfic Writer Ask Game!

9, 10 & 15 please 🙂

Yay, thank you for playing! Such fun questions to think about. 🥰 These questions are about favorite lines/scenes, most-read or most-kudos'ed fics, and word or phrases I use a lot. The ask game post is here!

9. What’s your favorite line(s) or scene(s) that you have written?

Oof, this is probably the hardest question on the list. The scene that immediately comes to mind is the parking garage scene from To Be Seen Aright, which I did a commentary on here. It's one of only two scenes I've ever cried while writing (the other is the lotus scene from Dangerous) and I think it succeeds in capturing something very deeply felt and visceral.

Honorable mentions for favorite lines go to:

"There's no dark place where forgiveness can't find you."/"That's what I'm afraid of," from Summer to Your Heart.

"That man is no family of mine," and "I thought my children would be Wens, once," from Familial Harmony.

"It knows its master," from A Sword With No Hilt.

The exchange where Nile asks Nicky if Andy met Jesus from World's Greatest Dad.

"All these would have lain, stiff and bloated, in a field, if not for Wei Ying’s terrible courage," from Tender.

Trying to pick one line from The Words in Your Head was so hard. I put my best writing of all time in that fic and then didn't finish it - what's wrong with you, Dea?! 🤣 I guess it's a tie between “I think you and I took different lessons from history,” and “Is it better?” Erik asks, staring him down. “To die by incompetence, or indifference, rather than malice? Or are you just as dead?”

10. What are your top five fics by kudos or by reads?

By reads, it's: So Wise We Grow, its short sequel it may be that the gulfs will wash us down, my two Hockey RPF Sid/Geno longfics, They Say Love Heals All Wounds and To Be Seen Aright, and my longest White Collar fic, Living Proof.

By kudos, it's: So Wise We Grow, it may be that the gulfs will wash us down, the Supernatural/White Collar crossover Unorthodox Methods, Living Proof, and They Say Love Heals All Wounds.

This is info that anyone could find by sorting my works page, so I assume the question is also asking how I feel about the results lol. I feel okay about them! Inevitably, if you've been writing for a long time, your most-read or most-kudos'ed work is unlikely to be your best work, because you get better over time (so your newest work is best) but your oldest work has had more time to accumulate hits and kudos. Plus, longfics and fics in juggernaut fandoms will do better (that Supernatural crossover has a wild number of kudos for a fic that's only 3,000 words!). So I'm at peace with the fact that these are not lists of my five best fics or my five favorite fics.

(For the CQL folks, my CQL work doesn't show up until #8 in kudos (Concord, as I expected), and #17 in hits (River-to-the-Sea Sure, which I did not expect, given its "Abortion" tag and Concord's popularity - despite my banging the drum for other A/B/O configurations, though, the people love an alpha LWJ/omega WWX fic, I guess!).

15. Are there words, phrases, mannerisms or scenes you tend to use a lot?

Oh, boy, are there ever. Is there any fanfic writer who has not been tormented by the paucity of ways to describe how people's eyes move when they smile?? I wouldn't say there are scenes I tend to use a lot, and for mannerisms, I try to stick to "canonical" mannerisms (Wei Wuxian's slouching and nose-rubbing, e.g., or Jin Ling's stubborn chin-thrust). But I find the metaphor of a dislocated joint being reduced so useful that I allow myself to use it once per fic if I want. 😂 After 132 fics, total originality of language is just not a feasible goal. And I have noticed that when describing a physical place, I tend to default to describing the lighting, and when describing a character's actions, I tend to default to describing where they are looking (down, away, making eye contact, etc.). There are also repetition concerns related to specific characters: for example, when writing Jin Ling or Jiang Cheng, I have to be careful or I'll use the word "scowl" five times per scene. 🤣 (I have given myself a pass for writing multiple fics where Wei Wuxian thinks about how good Lan Wangji looks in moonlight because I'm pretty sure that is a 100% accurate depiction of Wei Wuxian's internal monologue. 🤣)