#i put so much effort into that meat
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Shopping for the cat
#i put so much effort into that meat#cypher#omen#VALORANT#cyphmen#shadowire#bekkodraws#valorant fanart
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so I was digging through the Vast Legally Grey Junkyards of the Internet in search of better quality footage from AoU for my edits, specifically the scene with the CA FASCIST grafitti in Sokovia—which I unfortunately didn't find, but what I DID find was a bunch of deleted/expanded scenes that I didn't know/didn't care enough to pay attention to before. Which is fine. Most of it is techno babble and rushed plot setup. However. This stupid-ass ten second clip makes me literally insane. It makes me. Want to kill and maim and chew on the bars of my enclosure. And not in the sense that the contents make me oh-so-emotional, but because the potential of them could. Because what do you mean.
What do you mean those four and a half lines were cut for pacing/time when it's a ten second difference and the rest of the scene is in the film anyway. What do you mean you cut it because it didn't fit the narrative. It's literally couched in two minutes of plot it could've been so easy to slip it in there. A passing reference that would add at least a smidgen of depth to both the (already fucking incomprehensible) plot + politics of the antagonists, and to one of the main fucking characters. Like you were SO close what do you mean you cut every feeble attempt that was made to scratch the surface of Steve's character outside the whole nightmare scene we're supposed to feel so bad about what do you MEAN.
The fact that this minimal exchange—paired with that graffiti scene where Steve is confronted with the actual legacy of Captain America and what he's come to mean to people around the world and then quite physically discards the identity + him still circling back to the mantle at the end of the film anyway because he doesn't know how to do or be anything else, feels like he's too changed for this idea of a normal life that stems from before the war and the ice and doesn't know how to live without carrying that, without being useful in this one specific way—has more meat on its bones in the whole lead up to Civil War and ultimately Endgame than half of this movie's sledgehammer-over-the-head lines about home and family with Barton's kids laughing in the background or whatever like some fucked up C list hallmark movie is downright infuriating to me because like. You clearly thought about it. It passed through your head. You wrote some version of it into the scene. You shot it and edited it and watched it a few times and then you went "nah off it goes to the cutting room floor, we have enough of that. Add those seven and a half seconds to the 20-minute long, entirely CGI Hulk sequence, that we need more of. Surely that will fix the pacing issue".
Side note: this is me not even getting into the fact that, at this point in the franchise, this would have been one of the few lines we'd get of Maria actually saying something or interacting with anyone in a way that is even marginally removed (which this barely is) from simply delivering plot information. This is the only time we kinda get her view on something or even an inkling that she used to be a goddamn intelligence agent. And how that history informs her view of the situation and how it could possibly clash with Steve's own. And that woman is in every fucking movie. (Not to mention the fact that the two of them were just in a movie together, for Christ's sake, and going through something together you could pretty fairly characterize as traumatic and bond-inspiring to boot—and in AoU we can barely tell they even know each other. I mean the bar is so low and they still managed to limbo right under it.)
#listen I know there's a thousand and one technical reasons why it might've been cut but honestly truly frankly I don't give them the benefi#of the doubt that that was the case.#why am I yelling about this again? YOUR GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE#just never fails to surprise me all over again how little effort was actually put into Steve's character development in some of these#that is ultimately supposed to be the meat behind all of those “now you should feel for this character look ain't he sad!" scenes#but seeing as how we get nothing the rest of the time those just do not fucking land. and it extends all the way to his fumbed ass ending#obv it's not just steve it's 90% of their characters but I can only yell about so much at a time#and I really don't wanna go off on a full anti MCU rant like who's got the time or energy and also what is the point lol who cares#anyway this is entirely incoherent and I'm not saying anything new but I just needed to say fuck OFF joss whedon jesus christ#this movie could've been decent it was literally the best positioned in the series to be decent. and yet#delete later#max.txt#age of ultron#steve rogers
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its ok u work miracles i literally did NONE of kawakamis link in p5 because i got weird vibes about it and i did do Toirumi's in p3fes but the Goo as you said . but its ok im a kawakami truther now. my friends told me about her sl im so invested in her epic adventures with gamer girl . you can fix them and their Goo god bless
god i know... ive heard this from my friends too im like. yea Listen ... the initial buy-in is so high. you really have to cross that mental threshold of Weird. and you know its a persona game too so in the back of your mind youre like "this will nooooot be normaaaal i Just Know It". but you gotta do it...you gotta call her back...for her confidant unlocks
HRBDJBJHG no but (raised eyebrow emoji) aside, yea her story core is so good im glad your friends've been filling u in on the bits that matter 😌 it's very painful for me that she's saddled with the burden of "being an adult woman in a persona game" as if she hasnt suffered enough already. sick and twisted atlus behavior AS USUAL!!! 🗣
whatever....she's earned a gamer gf ........ their shared agonies....
#like. i dont think its necessary to put a whole disclaimer about this Every Time i post abt them (we do condemn! wholeheartedly! etc etc)#but on god it does rly get my goat that atlus literally cant seem to help themselves. WOULD YOU BEHAVE IN THERE#im not going to effortpost about this lest i reveal a level of nerd wizardry i will simply incorporate into my comic later on .#but on top of being unpalatable its (in both cases) just also. plainly. Much Less Interesting. than the actual meat and bones of the link#which certainly makes me feel...[long pause]....anyway whatever im not mad im not mad (actively turning into a corn cob#well. at least it's so utterly meaningless and inconsequential to Hermit that scrubbing it out for the AU took zero effort . lol & lmao
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thinking of that post that's like being a picky eater as a kid just means i get to experience the joy of trying so many foods as an adult. i have some new foods planned for this week after i move including stir fried sweet and sour veggies + rice and omurice (really simple fried rice... may add veggies to it later if i like it but one step at a time). will let you guys know how it goes
#shay speaks#i want to try and eat healthier and its going to start somewhere on god#i tried doing this last year but living with someone else really hindered my mental ability to do that#mostly bc. she took up so much space in our fridge#having my fridge and freezer 2 myself is going to help a lot i hope. and no other people to walk in on me cooking#it's going to be a slow process but i want to have a better relationship with food#my other goal is to have at least one higher effort meal a week. if not more but at least one#higher effort than making like maccy cheese or pizza rolls yeah?#also i was in the middle of typing my tags when my parents called me up for dinner and then served smth that makes my arfid#flare up. which is meatballs. they marinated the meatballs in the sauce which does wonders for my brain thinking smth is inedible#meat is still a hard no most of the time for me so uhm. not fun.#too many awful memories around that in particular. same with alfredo lmao i've briefly mentioned why i hate alfredo here before#horrible horrible sauce do not put me in the same room as it please and thankies#anyway.
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Being obsessed with moral purity (and the appearance thereof) is far more likely to turn you into an abuser than a kind and compassionate person who cares for their community and there are so many cautionary tales about this in media and yet *gestures at all of social media*
#every single one of us has said and done things that would make us the main character of twitter for a few days. without exception.#like one if the most well known quotes from the fuckin bible is about this exactly. it is so basic.#it's literally just redirection of people's fear and shame around their own actions/feeling/thoughts etc#i think we need to stop putting so much emphasis on being a Good Person#like do your best obviously. treat people with all the kindness you know how. but we are deeply flawed and imperfect beings.#and that's not something that will ever go away#no matter how much you effort you put into self-improvement. you still have to try but you must also#accept the fact that you will often fail#and in the Court of the Internet there is no space for that and therefore no space for real learning or growth#im fairly certain the only cure for this shit is engaging in good faith with other human beings in meat space.#im not SURE because *gestures at all of human history* obviously these problems exist there too#but god knows nothing about how we engage with The Discourse on social media is going to engender real understanding#and lead us to a more enlightened age
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everyone pray for me that i did not just give myself food poisoning (;・∀・)
#i may have made a bad decision with the meat i cooked shdjdkl BUT I THINK IT'LL BE FINE#it was past the date on the packaging but it didnt smell or look or feel off at all so . i decided to risk it#and now im panicking bc i think perhaps that was actually rly stupid fhdkdl#but it was. so much money. i had no idea the date was so soon on the package when i got it from mum#I would've frozen it if I'd known dhdksl i should've looked#alas !!! i think it'll be fine tbh bc it genuinely did not seem spoiled at all so ... now we just pray#i had a fairly small serving of it and I'll see how i feel to figure out if the rest of it is safe to eat or not#im just fhdjdkl crying a little rn bc the past two days have been so awful and im so tired#i rly dont want to get sick on top of everything else going on#i would like one thing to go well fjdkdl just like. one thing. this feels like divine punishment for having the old lady group go so well#im just kind of losing my mind rn i think actually fhfkdl i have a therapy/counseling appt on monday though so we'll see if that helps#i do not have high hopes fjfkdl#MANNNN. can the universe give me a break PLEASE. I've been trying so hard the past three weeks to do well 😭😭#im putting in so much work and effort fhdksl can i PLEASE have this one thing go okay djdksl i do not want to get sick !!!#if i do get sick then im just. hhhhh. idk djdkdl it's just one more thing to add to my pile of Bad ig djdkdl what can ya do djdkdl#i am going to pull myself together and stop crying and go play stardew maybe idk fjdkdl i feel like im starting to crack a little bit#augh. augh. i would love to catch a break djdkdl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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hey i saw a headcanon on Cho wanting to do scince and ethics experaments on Ben. how would that go?
OH, I do not think that would go over well. I don't think Ben would want that at all. He's been experimented since being alive. His very creation was an experiment.
Even if he was brainwashed into being Hydra's little toy soldier, he undoubtably went through a lot of trauma. He'd gotten his autonomy taken away, he had implanted memories to make him think he was "saved" by Otto (which is a whole other thing I'd love to talk about), and was essentially Otto's personal on-going experiment (including the other Spider Slayers, of course).
I have no doubt Cho wants to figure out how Ben works because that shits fascinating. I also have no doubt that Cho would be eons better than Otto ever was, and he'd treat Ben like an actual human being. He'd never go past Ben's comfort levels, and would stop if asked to stop.
But, I don't think Ben would ever go for it. I think he'd want to leave that part of his past behind him and never go back. And in the case that he did allow it (or it was necessary, like needing to get a better idea of his health, musculature, dietary needs, immune system, etc... because he IS a synthezoid), then I think it would have to be handled very delicately.
#Ah Ben's trauma#lets talk about his trauma#lets get into the meat of it#lets talk about those implanted memories Otto gave him#that's entirely new levels of fucked up#There's so much trauma and PTSD surrounding Bens entire....SELF#Even if Cho had good intentions I think it woud take a LOT of convincing to get Ben to even consider it#And its not even to say he doesnt trust Cho - tho lets be honest Ben hardly trusts anyone - but even if Cho doesnt mean harm I think itd#put Ben back into that mental space#LOL there's so much to consider her#Oh not and this is not to bash on this persons headcanon or anythign!#I like the idea of Cho helping Ben figure himself out#Getting him more aware of his own body and any specific aspects that are necessary to know#like how the Spider Slayers needed to charge#Maybe Ben needs to charge a little too to be at his very best#I just think it would take a LOT of time effort and energy to get him there#USM#Ultimate Spider-Man#Ben Reilly#Scarlet Spider#Asks#anonymous#Iron Spider#Amadeus Cho#Otto Octavius#Doctor Octopus#Spider Slayers
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went to a farmers market the other day bc someone spontaneously asked if i wanted to go with them and i bought a bunch of vegetables and somehow for the first time in years I've had the energy and motivation to make myself a sandwich and a salad out of them
#yesterday i had a sandwich#and i went to like. way more effort than usual??#i didn't have cheese slices but didn't want shredded cheese getting everywhere#so i toasted the bread and then put one slice covered in mozzarella in the oven so the cheese melted and stayed on the bread#and then i only had prosciutto for meat so i used that#and then i had kale and lettuce and cucumbers#and it was a pretty good sandwich surprisingly#i didn't know if i would like it i just spontaneously made it and it turned out good#though i think i would prefer provolone over mozzarella it was a bit strong#and then today i have Big Large Salad#i wanna eat as much of the kale as i can before it goes bad bc i let my food spoil too often#and also the cucumbers and peppers since they're just starting to get soft#and then i had salami cubes and crumbly cheese and tiny tomatoes#i honestly mostly made a salad bc i really enjoy chopping up vegetables it's fun and entertaining to me#but hey im eating so thats good !
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On the rare occasions when we talk about the spectre of veganism you can probably physically tell the amount of psychic damage that we take from seeing people throw out any part of a carcass.
#we speak#hey man you can use that for stuff. there is a use for that. you can use that for things that aren't just letting it rot. sir.#this is maybe part of why we have so many fur scraps but like. you can use that stuff. please use that stuff. we are begging you.#did you know that sinew is useful and can be used for cordage? it's true! you should use it!#do you think that a given part is Useless? you're probably wrong! give it to us. please. we are begging you. please.#we are a very specific type of person and that very specific type of person is the type of guy where improper corpse handling harms us#personally and physically. every time. at least put it in the freezer or something if youre killing it you better be ready to process it#we have very strong and extraordinarily specific opinions on things that have been known to make us disagree with people#the animal will die at some point regardless of whether or not you were the one to kill it#and because you have a big brain and the luxury of most likely not needing to do this to survive#you can grant that animal a relatively swift and painless death and then bring its body to as much use as possible#USE IT. FOR THINGS. PLEASE. WE ARE DYING.#we understand viscerally why failing to field dress an animal in assassins creed kicks you out of the simulation as Out Of Character#we are the same way and every time a piece of media has the protagonists kill a bear or whatever and just Leave The Body There#we are taking large amounts of psychic damage from every single frame#you cannot imagine how much hatred we hold for the existence of prion diseases and the fact that you can't eat meat from CWD deer#killing an animal does not have to be animal cruelty if you're not an idiot#we think that wasting parts of the body SHOULD count as animal cruelty though#not legally for obvious “that would open a legal can of worms that should stay closed” reasons but like. in terms of avoiding it#animals kill and eat each other all the time. its natural. you are an animal and you can kill and eat other animals and they will be tasty#however for the love of whatever god you worship PLEASE put the effort in to actually put the whole carcass to use#it will not make the animal suffer less to refuse to partake in its remains. it only means that those things will go to waste.#a body is not a sacred thing. it should not be treated as specialer than anything else but we think it's disrespectful to not make use of i#for related reasons we have a deep and abiding hatred for the laws that mean we can't choose what to do with our own body after our death
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woke up with a slight cold today (ANNOYING!! testing negative so far 🤞) but i had sooo much i wanted to get done... who's going to tell me not to do any work but to rest instead
#in an effort to spare my roommates if it DOES turn out to be covid i DID put my thawed meats back in the freezer.. no cooking this weekend#:( going to try to stay in my room as much as possible which also means i can't buzz my sides like i meant to today !! FUCK#i'm supposed to go to work tomorrow bc we're having a big sale so either i go to work sick or i don't go in & they're fucked over#told my boss(es) about this already and they haven't answered at all. even tho i know they're at work right now. lol#there's plenty of other stuff i can do in my room tho like i have a reprint i've been putting off & some bumper sticker designs i can work#and i need to take pics of my riso tulip which i can & should do today#AHH#chatpost
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I think I'm prouder of myself when I cook myself a ten minutes meal that is at least somewhat satisfying than when I spend the whole day cooking
#personal#i think it's because...ten minutes meals are doable. I did it once and i can do it again and again and again#cooking the whole day while it can feel satisfying it's also depressing.#the food will be gone and i will have to put that much energy into cooking again and i barely have energy on most days#so yea i'm prouder of myself for putting meat and cheese on a tortilla and making a half assed quesadilla than i would've been to cook borș#sau mâncărică or anything requiring time and effort
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Honestly "I could give you the world but you'd poison the seas" is Frosscore enough that it could apply to most people who have ever cared about him. But also, it should clearly be about Lis. Combine that with Aloy's "Elisabet is the only reason you even have a planet to return to" for greater impact. Boom
#not to be obsessed with not only my own playlists but also my own writing but. man. poetic cinema#starting to think that the reason fross is always self-sabotaging is because he's already convinced that everything will inevitably go wron#and instead of waiting for it to catch him off guard he just. poisons it a little himself first.#and maybe then it won't hurt as much when shit does hit the fan!#(< look at this dumbass (me) having the exact same realization about my characters five separate times bc my memory sucks 😔)#but just look at his history. every time he tried to do something the right way in earnest it got fucked up for reasons out of his control#so. i could see it. why put in the effort to do things the right way if he's gonna get disappointed in the end?#it's almost like the hurdles that he himself creates are a test. and smth can only be worth pursuing if it can endure those hurdles first#it makes sense why his redemption arc starts once he's stuck on earth and he's like.#''ok now nemesis is gonna kill me for sure. there is nothing i can do to make this situation any worse. guess i'll wash the dishes fml''#lol#but i also think about pre-apocalypse fross practically begging tilda to let him have something that's uniquely his. even if it sucks#(putting a pin on fross's anxieties about being cloned and his disdain towards aloy and beta in that regard)#because he feels like he's always been pulled by external forces and he doesn't know how to break free. doesn't think he even WANTS to#because it's all he's ever known. and stepping outside of his comfort zone is scary :')#but of course he doesn't have the emotional awareness to even be aware of any of that lmao. pity#oc: fross#oc tag#ramble#anyways. sorry i put the meat of this post in the tags. i didn't expect to write this much lol
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#tag talk#the problem with going out and meeting new people to make friends is that so many people are highkey unbearable to be around#they'll fuck up basic scheduling for dates and meetups. they'll flake and message you about it two days later.#literally scheduled a dinner date with some dude and he never showed. texts me an hour later like “sorry I fell asleep” bitch you what?#like. messaging me literally last minute going “hey I've decided to not show up” is better than ghosting.#this isn't the first time something like this has happened. but like. why do people not respect my time.#I try so hard to communicate clearly and be transparent about timeline and schedule and letting people know if something comes up#and I'm not saying I'm better than other people. I'm saying I don't know why other people don't do it too. it feels like the bare minimum.#anyway. my brother was giving me shit for not sticking with friends for more than a few months and like. bro I have good reason.#I'm not going to choose to put in the effort for a relationship with someone if it's constant work on my end and constant let-downs on thei#like. bro I know I'm just some cheap ass to you but I'm still a person so maybe realize that I've put you in my schedule respect that#anyway. not being lonely isn't as easy as meeting new people. you have to actually like the people you meet.#meeting people you hate just entrenches you in the desire to never talk to people ever again.#unrelated. I cooked the best chicken of my life yesterday. milk butter garlic onion and lemon pepper.#crushed and minced garlic. diced onion. milk. butter. lemon pepper. heated in a pan.#then chicken pieces added to sauce in pan for a little bit. then moved to a pan in the oven.#I usually don't like chicken but damn this is genuinely so good. also my parents always cut chicken cross-grain and imo it's harder to eat#I prefer cutting the meat with the grain. idk why but it's so much easier to chew.#oh! pro tip. if you have trouble with milk going bad in the fridge cause you don't use it enough. powdered milk. big adhd tip#I can leave the tin of powdered milk in the pantry for months and then pull it out whenever I need it. no worry about spoiled milk#back to social and people. like. even nice people. I just don't like them anyway. idk why. like. nice polite people. mm too boring#would I like to be able to hold onto friends? sure. is that a reasonable expectation given my track record? no#I wasn't joking when I said I could drop tumblr no problem. it's nice here but relationships are fragile nothing built on air and dust#idk. cursed to a life of eternal loneliness. super fun. don't take this as a call for help. I don't need you to say “I'm sorry you're sad”
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Hey also you know that post about getting better at cooking and handling meat and stuff?
Meat is really expensive and it goes bad pretty quickly.
If you're a new cook and you're trying to figure out how to pan-fry something so that it tastes good, might I recommend tofu?
I'm not saying "treat tofu like meat and try to replace all your favorite meat dishes with tofu" (though, I mean, if that sounds good - go for it), I'm saying "it's a lot easier to practice heating a pan and flipping objects in a pan for a meal and seasoning objects in a pan when the objects in the pan cost two dollars instead of ten dollars."
Tofu lasts a lot longer in the fridge than meat does, is easy to season, and you can easily learn how to pan-fry it into a tasty snack (or main course) and only requires a little extra prep. You can also pretend that the tofu is raw meat (the texture isn't dissimilar) and start practicing for things like how to take it out of a package or cut it on a sanitizable surface, etc.
My favorite way to cook tofu is to press extra firm tofu for at least half an hour (you can get a cheap tofu press for around ten dollars, or you can put it between two plates with some books on the top plate - this is that extra prep i was talking about - tofu cooks best if you press the excess water out), then slice a 14oz cake of it into 8 slices. I lay these flat and sprinkle cayenne pepper, mushroom powder, and smoked paprika on all of the slices, then I rub it in and flip the slices and season the other side the same way. I cook it in a frying pan with a thin layer of avocado or olive oil over medium heat, flipping every two minutes until the flat sides start to crisp up a little. Just before the last flip I add about a tablespoon of tamari sauce (you can use soy sauce, I've just got allergies) to the pan, sprinkling it over the tofu so that both sides get a little bit of sauce on them.
I have that with steamed vegetables and with jasmine rice (with two teaspoons of rice wine vinegar per 3 cups of dry rice and 4.5 cups of water). I also make a honey-siracha-mayo sauce that I dip the tofu in.
It's really good. And now I end up eating leftover rice and sauce with fried eggs for lunch at least two days a week and that's also really good.
This has become one of my go-to low spoon foods because it's so easy to make, it's filling, it tastes good to me, and it has become extremely easy for me to keep a stock of tofu in the fridge compared to the effort of keeping un-expired meat in the fridge.
I find that a 14oz pack of tofu feeds two adults for one meal, though I can stretch that to three meals if I'm the only one eating.
It makes a very cheap, filling, easy dinner that I can keep the ingredients around for without too much concern for food waste or anything going bad (the tofu that I get lasts about a month in the fridge and these days I just buy three packs every time I'm at aldi and cycle in new stock - it costs $1.50 per pack)
If you're interested in becoming a better cook, rather than worrying about actual high-risk products like raw chicken that can be seriously dangerous and also cost a fair amount, tofu has a pretty low barrier to entry while also being a good way to learn on a new ingredient that has some similar properties to raw meat.
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the same thing ・❥・b. barnes
summary: during a mission, you put yourself in harm's way to protect bucky. back at the avengers compound, he wants to know why. | 1.4k words, angst with a happy ending
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
"You should be resting."
You don't turn your head as the familiar voice comes from behind you, too focused on the delicate art of making the perfect sandwich to look away. You are a woman on a mission. "I was hungry."
A few seconds later, he's standing next to you, leaning back against the countertop with arms folded across his broad chest. "It's been less than twelve hours since they patched you up."
He's not going to stop hovering, you realize, because that's what Bucky does when he's worried.
"Want half?" Maybe you can distract him with food.
He regards the towering monstrosity on the cutting board and the chaotic layers of meat, cheese, and veggies sticking out at all angles.
You can't help but grin as you slap another slice of bread on top. "A quarter, then?"
Bucky has the audacity to look offended. "I'm not eating that thing."
You cradle the plate in your left hand, holding the sandwich with your right, and give him a pointed look. "Your loss."
Bucky just watches, arms still crossed, as you take a huge bite. His blue eyes remain narrowed, his mouth pressed into a thin line. He's like a one-man intervention waiting to happen. You shrug and wander over to the kitchen table.
Sitting down is a bit of an effort. The wound on your side pulls as you slowly lower yourself onto the chair, but if you can keep from grimacing too hard, Bucky won't be able to tell, will he?
Your smile probably gives you away. He narrows his eyes further. "Why did you do that?"
"Because I'm hungry?"
"No." Bucky takes a step forward. "I meant why did you get between me and that shot?"
Good question. The answer is embarrassing and you'd sooner walk barefoot over hot coals than tell him the truth.
"Hm?"
Another step. "I have superhuman healing powers."
"I'll live."
"It was stupid."
"You're ruining my—ow," you mutter, dropping the sandwich as you instinctively put your hand over your bandage. There goes the carefully maintained poker face. You force yourself to remove your hand and look up at Bucky with what you hope is an innocent expression, even as your side throbs in protest. "My sandwich. You're ruining my sandwich. Are you sure you don't want a bite?"
Bucky is too smart to take the bait. He moves around the table, coming to stand in front of you. The whole 'arms-crossed-stern-glare' thing again. It would be intimidating if you didn't know him so well.
"You could've been killed," he's like a dog with a bone, you swear.
"But I wasn't," you say pointedly. "I'm fine."
"Fine? You were shot."
"Will you just let it go? It doesn't even...hurt...that much," you lie.
It will take a while for the super-soldier serum in your blood — a weaker variation of the same stuff that runs through Bucky's veins — to kick in and accelerate your healing.
Bucky exhales. He looks about ready to give you an earful, but then his gaze shifts and he notices the way you're holding your side, how stiffly you're sitting.
You move your traitorous hand away like you've been burned.
"How bad is it?"
"Huh?" you say in a deliberately casual tone. "It's...totally fine. Not bad, really. Don't worry. I don't even feel it."
There's the reason why you've never been a spy. You can't lie to save your life, apparently.
Or maybe just not to Bucky.
"Okay. It hurts, like, just a little bit...like—like not even hurts hurts, just..." you trail off with a grimace as he comes closer. "More of an itch?"
"An itch?" Bucky sounds dubious.
"More of a burn," you concede. "A...mildly annoying but totally manageable sort of a burn."
"You are a terrible liar."
"Okay, so it hurts," you snap, the last vestiges of your patience vanishing. "I have an extensive hole in my side, I get it. It's not—I don't want you to feel bad about it. It's really not terrible, I can take it."
Bucky shakes his head. "What if it had been worse? What if they'd shot you somewhere vital?"
"They didn't."
"But what if they had?"
"Then I would have died!"
Bucky looks at you like you just kicked him. "Yeah. That's what I'm trying to say."
You open your mouth, then close it.
"You think I want that?" he asks softly.
"No." You suddenly feel very small. "Of course not, I just...just..."
"Just what?"
"I don't know," you admit with a sigh. "It's just that you are...people need you, you know? And you have a life, people who care about you, but I'm just..."
A nobody. A girl with no past, who can barely make sense of her present.
"...it would be better if it was me. That's all."
"It would never be better if you were hurt."
"Bucky—"
"You don't get it, do you?" he asks in a low voice. "People need you too."
You roll your eyes. "Please. You mean the team?"
"Me," Bucky says pointedly. "You think it's easy for me? When you get hurt? It kills me."
The sandwich lays forgotten on the table, squashed flat under your clasped hands. "It...kills you?"
He just looks at you for a long moment.
Your heart flutters in your chest. You have a sudden, intense urge to break the silence with a terrible joke, a quip, something light and witty to dispel the heaviness in the air and make this moment go away. But before you can open your mouth, Bucky shakes his head.
"You kill me."
Okay, that's not where you thought this was going. "What?"
"When you say stuff like that. When you make it sound like you don't matter, like it's okay for you to get hurt. Or worse. It's not."
Oh.
"Bucky," you try again, with a more serious tone. "I don't—"
"Stop saying that," he cuts you off.
You realize your mouth is still hanging open and snap it shut.
"You want to know what I think?" Bucky is so close now you could reach out and touch him, if you were brave enough. "I think that you got this...thing in your head, that you're not good enough, or strong enough, or that you're broken somehow. I think that you forget that it's okay to want things. I think that maybe you think nobody needs you. That no one wants you."
You swallow. You're afraid to say anything, to move, because your heart is hammering against your ribs and Bucky is looking at you like he can see straight into your soul.
"But I do."
"Do...what?" you whisper.
"Want you."
It's the last thing you expect to hear. "Bucky, you don't mean that."
His voice drops an octave. "Don't tell me what I mean."
Your cheeks are burning. You feel pinned under his gaze. Your side is throbbing again and you have a mouthful of butterflies and it's all just too much.
You move to get up but only make it halfway before the wound pulls again and you wince. "Shit."
"Where do you think you're going?" Bucky reaches out to help you, one hand braced against your shoulder as you sink back down into the chair. His expression has softened. "You need to rest."
You really want to kiss him right now.
It's the closest he's ever been to you, perhaps. You can feel his breath on your face.
"I need to...? You really confuse me, Barnes."
"How so?"
"Well, first you tell me that I kill you, and then you say you want me. It's kind of a mixed message—"
"I'm not interested in being just friends with you," Bucky cuts you off abruptly. "Is that clear enough?"
Your lips part but nothing comes out. There's a warm, tingling sensation in your chest and you suddenly can't breathe properly. "That's—you—"
Bucky smirks, just a little. He looks almost...proud of himself? Like he's happy he's rendered you speechless for once.
You decide to take a page from his book and put him on the spot. "And what do you think I want?"
"I don't know," he murmurs, leaning even closer. "But I hope it's the same thing."
His lips brush against yours, soft and gentle. He pulls away and you want to chase after him but then he's back again and kissing you harder this time, all teeth and tongue and ragged breathing and heat.
You close your eyes. Your head is spinning and you can't get enough air but you're kissing him back now, both hands coming up to fist in his shirt, holding on for dear life.
His mouth trails down your neck, leaving hot kisses along your jawline. You let out a breathy sigh.
"Is that...supposed to help me heal faster, mhm?"
Bucky just smiles against your skin.
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes x fem!reader#bucky x you#bucky x reader#winter soldier x reader#winter soldier imagine#winter#soldier x fem!reader#winter soldier x you#marvel fanfic#marvel imagine#bucky barnes#scenario#bucky barnes oneshot#bucky barnes one-shot#bucky barnes one shot#bucky#barnes headcanon#mcu fanfic#mcu#mcu fanfiction#mcu imagine#headcanons#bucky barnes hcs#bucky barnes hc#bucky barnes fanfiction#barnes fanfic#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes blurb
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Skincare with the LADS Men
inspired by THIS recent text with Xavier where he said we left our pack of face masks in his fridge 🥺
SYLUS
🐦⬛ He maintains good skincare and overall hygiene. He's the type who's like “if i’m going out to commit some illegal deeds or kill an enemy, might as well look good doing it. His healing ability helps maintain a better skin as well.
🐦⬛ When you find out, you're kind of surprised that he's so well-maintained. And he takes offense that you'd have such low opinion of him just because of his profession. He scoffs. “Your assumptions wound me, kitten. Even the leader of Onichynus cares a little for his appearances.”
🐦⬛ Luke and Keiran later on giggle and reveal to you how their boss makes an extra effort to look better whenever you are coming to see him.
ZAYNE
❄️ There's a difference between hygiene and skincare. So just because he's a doctor, doesn't necessarily mean he's good at taking care of himself. Yeah he might take a bath and always put on clean suits but he doesn't really bother much with skincare itself.
❄️ It's not that he cannot do it but he simply doesn't have the time for it due to his packed schedule at the hospital. Almost twice or thrice when you surprise-visit him during his late night shifts, you've found him shaving his stubble at his office’s washroom lol. There are some faint cuts on his jaw and you fuss over them much to his delight.
❄️ His skin and body suffer mostly due to his eating habits. More often than not you've caught him sneaking way more macarons than good for his teeth. Not to mention, he doesn't eat proper meals due to his work.
❄️ “It’s not what it looks like. I'm a doctor. Obviously I know how to manage my health.” He laughs sheepishly because it's not often that he's on the receiving end of scolding, especially from you. You end up having to pay regular visits and watch over him for a while, bringing in full meals as is needed for him.
RAFAYEL
🌊 Thanks to him working at odd hours, eating at odd times, passing out on the couch every now and then that it's expected he'd be careless but he does in fact take proper care of his skin. And it's better than yours. (well ofc his Lemurian genes are partly to thank but he's a fish out of water so he does need to take care).
🌊 He knows his skin is amazing and he'll make a show of it in front of you. Not to make you jealous but because he wants you to praise him for it, call him pretty and handsome. “Come onnn!!” He drawls out. “Admit that I’m way prettier than those idols you're a fan of.”
🌊 Definitely enjoys doing skincare routines with you. Will indulge in manicures and pedicures if you ask, chatting with you all the while. Even recommends certain products that would benefit your skin. And offers to do your facial and massage.
XAVIER
⭐ Canonically isn't concerned with skincare. Even MC is shocked at the fact that his skin is doing so good despite any proper care. Probably the type who uses those “5 in 1” products 😭. Or grabs just any product without much care for the actual ingredients involved. How his skin and hair are doing alright? You have no idea..
⭐ You offer to do his skincare and he agrees because that just means he gets to spend more time with you. Enjoys the sensation of your hands on his face. Melts into a puddle if you wash his hair. You also try fixing some of his eating habits because alternating between cup noodles and meat ain't it. And though it takes a while, you figure out his skin type and help him get his own products.
⭐ You both develop a habit of putting on sheet masks while watching late night movies or playing video games. Sometimes you two just end up lazying around and talking about mundane stuff.
⭐ But even if you set up a whole routine for him, if he stays over at your place, then he's definitely using your shampoo. And if you ask him why, then he smiles innocently and answers, “Oh..it’s not that I am particularly biased to the product. It’s just that I like it when I smell like you.”
» MASTERLIST «
#love and deepspace#xavier x reader#zayne x reader#rafayel x reader#sylus x reader#love and deepspace xavier#love and deepspace zayne#love and deepspace rafayel#love and deepspace sylus#xavier love and deepspace#sylus love and deepspace#zayne love and deepspace#rafayel love and deepspace#lads sylus#lads zayne#lads rafayel#lads xavier#xavier x you#rafayel x you#sylus x you#zayne x you#lnds sylus#lnds rafayel#lnds xavier#lnds zayne#l&ds sylus#l&ds rafayel#l&ds xavier#l&ds zayne#love & deepspace
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