#i promise to stop the madness now!!
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I want to go back to the beginning. We all do. I think: hurt won’t be there. But I’m wrong.
— Gregory Orr, from Concerning The Book That Is The Body Of The Beloved
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"He's the last obstacle"-- hey, Mir Falspar, let's slow down a bit.
he's been slamming on the breaks this whole time
#post's rambles#kirby right back at ya#mir falspar#dark meta knight#post's art gallery#mirror madness#it's just knowing that the track is coming to end and you still can't stop#anyways he's entered his post-breakdown state where he's good he's doing good now he can go back to work#what? he looks like he got hit with several brooms? that's natural I promise
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actually yknow fuck it. saying this as a serious die-hard scourge fan. but scourge fans need to stop being so fucking annoying about scourge im going to explode. the amount of ppl ive seen say on my surge vs scourge au art that "scourge would beat surge's ass, this is inaccurate, etc" is stupid as fuck actually. like oh yeah scourge, guy who is known for his epic win streak (lie), would beat SURGE. okay. whatever
#sorry i wasnt THAT mad about it when it was one or two comments#but now its like. every comment. and im a lil tired of it#yall are giving him way too much fucking credit im sorry#he aint that impressive!! hes kind of lame!!! thats why we love him!!! youre missing the point!!!#'that would mean surge is stronger than archie sonic' STOP POWERSCALING SONIC LIKE ITS FUCKING DRAGON BALL Z#and the fucking reading comprehension !!! i said IN THE POST that its an au !!!! oh my GOD i hate scourge fans#sorry for the really angry post i promise i dont usually post like this lol im just.#scourge means the world to me and i Know he aint the hot shit he acts like he is ok. thats all im saying
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I think it's very important that we bring back this inherent understanding that actors are also just some fucking guys (gender neutral)
#i was looking forward to a fun week in the Hannibal fandom with the recent cons#but alas. idk why i'm surprised at all. i'm not really. i'm mostly disappointed#why are y'all taking everything at face value and generally just... put their opinions above everyone else's#they're also just some guys that happened to play these characters a decade ago#am i defending middle-aged white men right now? maybe. why? idk either. i'm annoyed lol#but i really think some of y'all need to remember that they're also just some random dudes that *you* happen to look up to#hugh dancy#mads mikkelsen#nbc hannibal#not saying that they (and especially Hugh) don't tend to say dumb shit sometimes but damn#lighten up a little and ignore it. it's never that deep i promise#and don't come at me with Hugh's apparently misinformed comments about Will as an autistic guy#i'm aware but also he didn't say what y'all are talking about he did due to people's post#but i'll stop there before i go on an even longer rant#i didn't even wanna make a post like that but i've been getting so fucking annoyed that this will give me some peace lol
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“The darkest angel of all.”
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one the things you dont know about supernatural could fill a library two oh i see you think castiel confessing his gay love after 12 years of fighting for this with the cast crew et al didn't pave the way for bullying the author of your closet case into having him demurely turn his buddy down after being gay kissed
#going to stop being mad now and watch doctor whho. i promise#etxt#CRAZIER BC THIS WAS POSTED 2 YRS AGO BEFORE THEY KISSED. you were stumping for queerbaiting 101 as better rep than queebaiting lvl 400 clas#that ended with gay love confession. augh
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lemongrab (Starts vibrating so hard i explode)
i do think pb is calm now but i dont think she likes wizards. i dont know. i dont know. and i saw how she treated lemongrab, she didn't really like him either. like. you all saw that. peps didnt want to see that he didnt want to think about it at the time, how they were treating the actual literal heir to the throne and also just how they were treating this man, he didn't realize. he didn't. and now. and . dont .get me talking about lemongrab. or i will talk. for ever
pep: you ate your brother lg: lg: you won't have that problem pep: i could eat you lg: try it
#says shes better but you know. pep can tell theres something going on. theres something Wrong#she insists hes not doing anything wrong and she supports him!! but he can TASTE it. in there. in her words.#lemongrab is not a very gentle person but he is kind. and he is a father. and he wants so badly to be a good sibling.#adventure time#distant lands#lemongrab#peppermint#digital#lemon kids#well one of them. im sorry he looks so much like larry in some ways.#this is the first time lg has called pep his sibling hes like (mid meltdown) IM YOURWHAT..... <3#long post#its so tall.#i need to stop drawing ppl on benches. until i learn to draw benches.#she always knew peps was a magic user but it was more of a background Hes An Adult He Does What He Wants thing#and now he needs money for schoolbooks. so he has to see that Look in her eyes. im making it weird arent i#sorry pb fans im really mad at her about lemongrab and it poisons every interaction i have with her character#she really is trying. i promise. you just wouldnt know it from talking to lemognrab or pep.
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A very self indulgent drawing of Misty I've been working on for a few weeks... On and off. But now it's here! :]
#i promiSED ID RESPOND TO THE ASKS I GOT AFTER I GOT HOME BUT I WAS MOTIVATED TO FINALLY FINISH THIS SINCE IVE BEEN WORKING ON IT ON AND OFF#FOR LITERAL *WEEKS* NOW#IM VERY HAPPY WITH THE RESULT THO ITS VERY FUN#SO MAD TUMBLR IS GONNA FUCK UP THE QUALITY THO LIKE ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR#IM SORRY I WAS JUST SUPER EXHAUSTED AND I KNEW THE ASKS WILL AWAKEN TEN GATES OF ADHD AUTISM SO I PUT THEM OFF LOLLLL i will get to them#eventually but im not promising a certian time bc i need to stop making promises OOPS bc my BRAIN IS LIKE THAT#ANYWAYS THIS IS A VERY SELF IDULGENT THING I LIKE PUTTING CHARACTERS INTO GOOFY SCENE COLORFUL OUTFITS#i learned that the way to make these the best is to just slap stuff you like there that you think is cool and not worry about accuracy and#ohhahhahhPHOHOHHHH inspo real clothing#JURST HAVE FUN!!!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! **RUNS IN A CIRLE** BARK BARK BARK#very self indulgent bc theres TWO whole girs here#toontown#toontown corporate clash#rainmaker#guz art#fav#(personal fav bc idk ! i dont have a tag for personal fav stuff)#btw someone put inktale reaction stuff on this on clashcord. if anyone mentions inktale sans here im actually going to take their guts
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ive made myself more wet and pathetic
#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL#its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed#because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH#how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would#be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing#or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late#i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed#the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either#because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember#the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either#the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with#crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure#BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION#im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real#really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and#thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT#you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without#making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY#yapping#doodles#puppysona#edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule#and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened
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//.
#🌊 | outside the ship / ooc#vent tw#tbd.#[ I think I'm about to hit a big burnout again but I don't want this to happen ]#[ a lot of shit happened today that made me feel emotionally exhausted I guess ]#[ like I have to make a different kind of food; we ran out of water here due to the heat ]#[ my shoulder still hurts because of yesterday's walk and now one my my earbud's side just stopped working. out of nowhere ]#[ my mom is going to be mad at me bcs these were basically new ughh ]#[ I'm sorry for those who are waiting I'll promise I'll try to make up for it this weekend if I'm able ]#[ I have a shit ton of stuff in my inbox but I promise I'll try to get to them soon ]#[ I'm just. man ]
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I believe Kamala- despite every word she has ever spoken on the matters- is actually deeply pro-Palestine, pro-trans & overall a progressive hero, because I understand that when democrats say repugnant reactionary things while campaigning they are actually lying! which is good & normal for so-called democratic elections!!!!! if you listen to the gnomes who live inside my walls you'll understand her real values, which she'll totally pinky promise act upon once you reward her lies & elect her! you dumb third party voters would understand this if u payed attention in civics class 💅💅💅
#do you votescold blue no matter whos even hear yourselves#like i say this from the glass house of mental illness i too live in but yall are fucking clinically deranged#'u see the good guys will lie to us to seem like bad guys until the season 4 finale when plot twist reveals thay r good!' LUNACY!!!#santa clause is more real than a promise out of the mouth of a democrat i am BEGGING liberals to understand (and give a shit about) this#sorry i guess unlike the 'injustice sensitivity' many american neurospicies love using as a shield for when they do racist things i just#have boring I Dont Like Being Lied To autism which uh is preventing me from (well a lot!) getting on the imperialism train that many#of you are twisting yourselves into pretzels of cognitive dissonance & ahistorical nonsense in order to cope with!#vote if you want idgaf but stop posting electoral cope!!! stop seeking absolution for the crimes youre cosigning!! you cant have it all!!!!#i'll see you in another 4 years when nothing has been done about climate catastrophe or genocide or lgbtq rights or reproductive rights#bc if- and its still a huge if- kamala wins i know for FACT the usual suspects are already cooking up excuses as to why she cant follow thr#through on any of the crumbs of progressive policy she claims to stand by. its already the senates or SC fault right 🙄#ugh anyway now im just going down the 'every easily identifiable lie of the dems that I'M somehow the bad guy for noticing' rabbit hole#and that leads to nowhere but madness and an afternoon wasted 😤
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s3 of witcher is so bad but i DO black out during every scene with mahesh jadu in it so at least it can do that for me
#i stopped watching bc i just couldn't do it anymore but i do still have a sickness looking at that motherfucker#sergle.txt#NO disrespect to our boy henry of course but ppl focus too much on him as eye candy in this show. when mahesh is there#looking. fucking. crazy.#granted s2 had problems but i was still like. i was prepared to keep vibing#in particular it just wasn't as tight and the special effects were just Worse#and the girl who plays siri was Acting Too Hard and it got a little distracting. like i could feel her acting#but she's older now so it makes sense that she would want to try and like... show her acting chops#anyway yeah. that man. that fucking man#please don't be mad at me if you liked s3 btw i promise that it does not matter..#they DID fix geralt's contacts in s3. but I liked his neelix eyes tbh
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#I have spent the last 7 hours in the kitchen.#i am about to try this recipe that I was very hopeful for but GUYS… it does NOT look good 😭#this is a rare example of me following a recipe exactly so I know that it isn’t my fault if this is bad. I think it’s gonna be bad.#I’m laughing because I’m exhausted and I’ve been looking forward to this dinner all day and I’ve been on my feet cooking nonstop#and sitting in front of me? goop.#I’m not even mad. and believe it or not it was good of me to try. trying a new recipe was the right thing to do.#but lord almighty I think it’s gonna taste BAD#I’m just staring at it afraid. this is the moment before I know if hours of cooking were wasted. ahhhhhhh#okay biting now#HM. YEAH. that’s fine I was in the mood for a protein shake anyway!#I promise I am not usually wasteful. I make meals last for days because my tummy is 20% of its original size. but boy howdy#I can’t stop laughing this tastes so badddddd#my stuff
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God I'm so fucking annoyed how come she gets to treat me however she likes and then gets to say she didn't mean it?????
#have u considered not constantly comparing me to ur abusive husband who hit u??????#since i was like 8 its really fucking weird#like who in their right mind tells their child theyre naturally destructive just like their father and then says ohhhhh but i didnt mean it#are u fucking insane#doesnt help that i look like him too everyone tells me that#and now she acts like me raising my voice once means she needs to walk on eggshells around me wtf#what about how u treated me from ages 13-16#freak#i cant believe this shes treating me like im some scary stranger as if shes not the one with full financial control and that im this horribl#person go kill yourself omgjdjsjsjwjwwhwhhw#fuck u#last year was the worst year of my life and that was wholy bc of u you showed me what place i really have in this family and that it was not#hing. how is sveryrone so ready to throw me away??#yet everyone else gets to say shes sooo proetctive and loving fuck off you wouldnt even tell them youre treating me badly diedie diediediedi#i want to cut so bad bro#but i promised myself i wont so#i mean i dont even have any way of gettibg blades so whatver#just remembered her reaction to me cutting#nothing. yeah absolutely no reaction. i thought the worat thing that could happen was her gettjbg mad at me again but no#i realised there was somwthing worse. she just straight up doesnt care#useless mother#im fine w u treating me like shit ive accepeted it that i have no place in anyone's life unlesss i hive into this but at least#at least stop trying to confront me like this#just let me rot in peace#i really dont want to do this anymore#any time now she'll ask me if i was pretending to cry so i wpuldnt have to go out w her now#as if that isnt insulting#and then she'll say i wasnt trying to be rude!!! as if she hasnt always treated me like none of my feelings r real. i only ever overeact. ok
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days without crying over them counter: 0
#rambles#delete later#like I actually am so fucking mad im SO MAD still#i need to move on but it’s like im stuck in that week#i don’t even think I have the words. i just feel so fucking betrayed. i feel insane#i hope they think of me and feel guilty. i hope they need advice and wonder what I would say#i hope they get HIT BY A CAR!!!!!!#i feel vaguely like I was preyed on. they admitted to trying to seduce me on purpose so I’d have sex with them#as an at-the-time-asexual virgin. and I was sooo flattered lol but now I’m just like. okay. what the fuck#they made me feel sooo loved and flattered and desired right up until they didn’t#and what was with the weird mixed signals. that was the reason I couldn’t move on from my crush#‘I don’t want anything right now’#okay then stop kissing my hand and cuddling me and calling me over to ask me unnecessary questions while you’re in the shower#stop mentioning how attractive I am and stop flirting with me#I’m killing myself what did I even mean to you was I just entertainment#like what did I even fucking mean I’m going insane#all I want to know is what I fucking was. yeah sure I was your ‘best friend’ who you had no issues with cutting off for no reason#i was your ‘best friend’ who you never texted first#what the hell WAS i#you came to me for advice and support and comfort so was I a therapist#that one night when I was crying and begging you not to leave me alone for the night#you promised me we’d call the next day#you hung up and we never called the next day. even though I asked twice#i bent over backward for you constantly and you couldn’t even be bothered to check in when I was having a fucking crisis like okay lmao#I’m gonna throw up I need to stop thinking and go to bed#and yet I still miss them so fucking much. so so so so much. i miss the affection. i miss being held. i miss their voice and smile#I’d let them mistreat me if it meant I got some kind of attention from them and that really makes me hate myself lol#maybe I’m just another creepy obsessed guy now#i FEEL obsessed. i feel insane. i feel disrespected and maltreated and also very very lonely#my face feels crusty from crying maybe it is bedtime
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this is gonna sound incredibly virtue signal-y i fear but i have been feeling. so fiercely protective of all the transfems i've ever met lately
#marzi speaks#I PROMISE I'M NOT TRYING TO EARN GOOD BOY POINTS HOLD ON LET ME. EXPLAIN MYSELF HERE#obvs we're in kinda a tense political climate rn#and i'm noticing trends have been getting . increasingly misogynistic lately?#in like . a subtle but for sure still noticeable way#and women are being dismissed and all this awful shit#and ppl are going. completely mask off about it when the woman happens to be a trans gender#and it reminds me of when i was a little girl. and how my mom spent so much time in my childhood#training me to not stand for and take misogynistic bullshit from anyone. and to defend other women too#she taught me to assert myself in professional or academic environments. she taught me to stand proud and take up physical space#once as a kid my great uncle (who's always been a nut) didn't let me come on a fishing trip because i was a girl#when i came to my mom crying about it because i loved boats and fishing and my family she just about murdered him. completely tore into him#my whole life my mom has been there to tell me that people will try to put me down. they will try to overlook me or dismiss me#or make me feel smaller. and if i dare to get too confident i'll be labeled bossy or a bitch#and that no matter what i do i cannot let those pieces of shit win. i cannot let that stop me#and that i'd have to fight so fucking hard for it my whole life and it won't be fair but i will do it because i have no other option#and i'm seeing a lot of transfems having to navigate that now too#but they didn't get the privilege of being trained in this since day 1. they have to figure it out on their own#and the demonization right now is so strong that a single misstep can be. so dangerous#and it makes me so mad. all of that built up anger from every time i've had to learn how to not take misogynistic bullshit comes to a boil#the little girl scout in my brain who grew up forcing people to see that a girl can do whatever the fuck she wants fuck you is ACTIVE rn#she's angry. she's so angry. because she's seeing the same bullshit she dealt with in middle school being repeated again#anyways. transfems. i love you so much. you deserve so much fucking better.#i hope you can safely advocate for yourself. until then i will fucking yell and scream from the rooftops because this shit is so unfair#you should be allowed to succeed and you should be allowed to fail. and you should be allowed to take up as much goddamn space as you want#and wear whatever the hell you want. transfems i love you and i am so so angry on your behalf. modern feminism has failed you#and i am going to kill someone over it#remember to be loudly and unapologetically yourself as much as you safely can. do not let them crush your spirit
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