#i played it a little in like 2015 but that was abt it

[stealchain]

we got a new shelf to display our collections! this isnt everything we have, but its everything we've disinfected so far! plus some new stuff :3

[arrayoflightarchives]

Kagehina yap because I can't get them out of my brain even tho I need to go to bed bc I have a full day of lectures tomorrow,,,

(be warned yall that this is a long one, which is why I've put the big explanation under the cut)

Okay so Kagehina shouldn't be getting together before Brazil Arcc. If you wanna write them before then, go ahead I love a good bit of hs kghn or long-distance kghn as much as the next person. However, for their characters at the end of HS, I feel like they need to have the Adlers v MSBY match before they should be in a relationship:

The end of 3rd year:

At the end of their third year, Kageyama is still not fully open with Hinata, let alone anyone else. I'm not saying that you have to be completely open with everyone before getting into a relationship, but I think for their dynamic, he needs to learn to be more open with his emotions than he is at that point before you can have two personalities like him and Hinata in a relationship together.

At the end of third year, Hinata is still nowhere near Kageyama's skill level in volleyball. Again, I'm not saying that they need to have equal skill levels to be in a relationship however, Hinata does have a major inferiority complex about this specifically when compared to Kageyama and I don't think that, with he skill level he is at in 2015 (when they graduate). He can't catch up with Kageyama by becoming a skilled player in his own right without going to Brazil, we know this, but going to Brazil also develops his personality as well as his vb skills. He is now more confident and has learnt a lot and so he is able to be on what he considered equal footing with Kageyama (what he considered is the important part here bc of his issues with comparing himself to Kageyama, which we see the whole way through the story).

Now flip to post Brazil:

At this point, Kageyama has begun to open up a bit more by spending time with his teammates, mostly on Adlers, but you can assume JNT as well - we just don't see much of that bc Hinata is the protag, and he's busy sulking over Kags not visiting him atp. Like we can see this in small things like him showing Ushijima the photo of Hinata and Oikawa. He is now more open than he was in hs but he hasn't talked to (at least not much more than maybe like a couple two message interactions) Hinata in a couple years as far as we know. Because of their whole soulmate thing because Kageyama is still somewhat alone because of his skill level (see Kazuyo's promise)

At this point, Hinata is finally confident in his skill level, I mean, he was practically unknown and got into the MSBY D1 starting line-up. However, I think it's important to note that atp he has not beaten Kageyama so although he has definitely improved - he's earned the title of Ninja Shoyo, which is his own compared to the little giant (I can also yap abt that honestly) - he doesn't know whether he has caught up with Kageyama who, for all he knows could have improved just as much as he did in the time they were apart. Hinata might now have many brain cells, but he knows enough that it's silly to think that Kageyama has not improved at all while playing with the JNT and being in VL D1 since high school.

Post-Adlers v MSBY match:

Kageyama has now opened up. This bit is less about opening up to those around him (although he has, see "took you long enough") and is more about him being open with his own emotions. Obviously, he's not suddenly fixed years of emotional repression in one match, but he's chosen to open himself up to Hinata (see being happy/smiling at losing a match) and therefore also open with the audience (we finally see his backstory - that idea is not mine it's from this post it's rlly good u should read it). At this point, I feel like he is ready to have a healthy relationship with Hinata while still working through his other issues. He isn't going to be magically perfect now, but still, he's at a maturity point where he would be able to be in a relationship with someone as competitive as him and Hinata are together.

Hinata has now won against Kageyama. He now knows and feels confident with his skills as a player of his own right and worth, and so now his competition with both people like Hoshiumi and then especially with Kageyama is not going to be him seeing himself as the small junior high version of him who got beaten in 30 minutes still trying to prove himself, but the amazing Ninja Shoyo who is an amazing all-rounder and a wing spiker (the position he's wanted to play in order to be ace which he didn't get a chance to play before). He has grown as a person already while in Brazil, but this win is simply confirmation that he has done what he went there to do. He can trust that he made the right choice to leave Kageyama and the trust and dynamic that they had created (which was a major worry of his through the first part of the Brazil arc - with the homesickness and seeing Kageyama in the Olympics) and is better for it. this game proves it all to him, and he can welcome Kageyama and a possible relationship with him now that they are equals, rivals and a team at the same time.

Finally, onwards:

We finally see that they are together, whether you want that to be as teammates and best friends/platonic soulmates or as romantic soulmates it's up to you, but we see that they have improved both in vb and in their relationship together (see one of my fav panels to ever exist with their fist bump in JNT uniforms).

They are on the same team together, except stronger, when they go to the Olympics together. And then when we see after that, they still have a strong dynamic with them both declaring they're going to win in the Ali Roma v ASAS São Paulo game which makes me think that they keep in contact a lot better than they did while Hinata was playing beach - only bc there seems to be less of the tension that is there when they meet before the MSBY Adlers game.

Anywaysss that pretty much concludes my yap on why they shouldn't get together until after the Brazil arc. I could probably say a billion more things about this, but this was the best way to get any sort of coherence from me about this. I will probably do more yaps so if people want, feel free to ask me questions in my ask box or in the notes!!!!

(Also I hope yall appriciate the colour coding, I chose the purple over the blue cause I felt it was more Kageyama coded, at least on my phone it is)

[moonshynecybin]

REPORTER MARC AU???? ohhh it's so good. marc maybe never having met vale. or maybe only as a child. writing almost mythical articles about him. vale who he always wanted to be but failed. they see each other in a debrief and the TENSION is thick and they fuck obv (hero worship + vale has read all his hero worship) but then sepang 2015 happens (um. vale takes something marc wrote as a slight and openly slanders him + ruins his reputation?? not sure). and marc of course still has to write abt vale bc it's his job but. now there's a sharp undercurrent of bitterness? he knows him so well he knows how to get under his skin. and of course vale HATES being known by the media he is always putting on a mask but. marc knows him.

so crazy… and like i think, here the tension isn’t derived from racing competition it’s derived from vale’s insane relationship to fame and the media. like him putting up so much of a mask only for a member of the PRESS to be the one who can see right through him… marc coping with a lot of weird wistful feeling about not being able to ride… career ending too soon but also being JUST like vale concerning competition so he has insane insight… and vale wanting to be vulnerable with marc but being categorically unable to because he’s a JOURNALIST. forgetting himself and then self policing about it…

like. okay so marc has to stop racing sometime in his teens due to (unintelligible health reasons) so he straps on his psycho ambitious little intensely practical brain and goes okay. i will become the best racing journalist to ever live. he understands how to ride he understands the mindset he WAS going to be the next valentino rossi and now well. at least he can interview him. so marc gets a press pass and immediately rocks up to the paddock and uh. charms vale a little. hot smart but not a competitive threat. vale likes him ! marc’s questions aren’t stupid but ARE fun so vale plays ball… and they become sort of friends and flirt a little through the first years… BIG tell all interview at the end of marc’s first season that gives him SO much more credibility as a journalist… like they never quite make a move on each other because vale will NOT risk any sort of gay affair involvement with a JOURNO but they are in love. like obviously. making eye contact with each other in presscons it’s very sweet. everytime marc drops a piece everyone is like wow this is the best and most revealing vale interview in years :) and eventually, vale is like. uh oh ! oh no ! like he did not mean to share his secrets to this twink reporter he just. love his ass unfortunately

and maybe after that they fuck ONCE . just to “get it out of his system” and then it DOESNT go away and vale freaks out. pulls away goes cold clams up in press scrums… but all the while marc’s low empathy career obsessed ass writing such beautiful articles about vale (and so horny lbr). and they’re SO intimate and comfortable and frankly getting a little too close to the beating lurid heart of him… marc is seeing. he is perceiving. he is spinning it out onto the page beautifully because that is his JOB… and after they fuck and there little too much wanting on both sides. and vale shuts him out HARD. but marc (now heartbroken. framed photo of vale and him on his first day with press access in his office) is still writing those insane articles… pissed that vale is fucking with his career so he’s going even HARDER now… and vale hates being seen but also can’t get over that marc sees him. that he understands him. insane emotional experience… like what if you wanted to be seen so badly but also we’re so so scared of it when it actually happens because of your fame trauma….

[whentheleavesfallfromtheoak-blog]

my thoughts on unraveled!!

i liked it :) spoilers under cut

okay first off, dex never made keefe a panic ring?? INSANE. I thought they were friends now :( then like also how at Disneyland he wants to get dex a pin like aww so sad :( also Keefe is sooooo down bad for Sophie I love it. he's yearning and delusional just like I was praying for him to be. thank you Shannon. not thankful about the fox though. i really really wish it'd played a bigger part I mean come on! I thought it'd be like they walk around together like Keefe would have some company on his searches in london it coulda been soo nice ugh

cass paintings were crazy. high-key low-key really wish we got to learn more about this. Convo with Keefe's dad was also crazy. when did he become helpful? tbh I dont hate him as much now but like a lot. the painting thing really helped humanize (elvenize?) him. still a bad dad though :/ also the hot Cheetos omg Keefe is just like me fr. AND him thinking abt Fitz??? LOVED. I missed their friendship so badly and didn't even realize omg

Alvar return was insane. not to brag but I did think he was probably alive but in the lost cities??? would never have guessed! I do feel a little disappointed, just because I'd been hoping for Keefe to make friends with humans which never really happened. still, I guess it needed to be another elf for him to work on his abilities. speaking of: I feel like Shannon kinda blew past the voice control part of keefe's new abilities. I was expecting for him to learn how to use it and stuff instead of just pushing it down. I wonder if that's part of why his empathy is like messed up now that I think about it. also like alvar getting his ability back is crazy. kinda makes me nervous for him though cause he could get caught! he'd have to have like really good control with it and be super super careful

loved the stuff in Australia :) Eleanor was definitely unexpected, I really really really wish she'd explained her dads stuff or like literally ANYTHING. but whatever. maybe shannon will tell us in 10! ooo if she ever does spin-offs I would def read Eleanor's. and Cassius'. and Grady's. actually like most of the characters now that I think about it

Taylor swift mention was cool I guess but I'm kinda upset about the timeline now it was supposed to be like 2015 and its not! I'll get over it I guess but...

and then finally the bonus chapter!!! not much to say lol but I love them so much they're so silly and nervous it was so cute and amazing to read again! I remember when I read that bit in stellarlune I was literally kicking my legs and twirling my hair. I love them!

[hueningsloverr]

౨ৎ playing roblox w/ txt !

pairing : ot5 x reader  summary : how i think roblox with tubatu would go!! word count : 0.4k

choi soobin -

he's a natural disasters kind of guy

like an og, 2015 roblox player

i think he probably played a LOT with kai during their trainee days

he doesn't really branch out and try new things

controversial, but most likely to get his account banned

he'd rage, once in a while

just let it all out

kai and gyu wouldn't listen during practice today? tyun wasn't feeling good? jjunnie was out doing something else?

bottled up emotions would come just flying out

very quick to apologise + very embarrassed

choi yeonjun -

flee the facility type of guy

“its not that serious”

screams, cries, and throws his computer across the room

tyun at some point has had to restrain him

but he always spares you whenever you're on diff teams <3

until he doesn't

so quick to switch up

but at the end of the day, to him it is actually just a game

he'll use it to make destroy gyu or kai sometimes

but he doesn't care that much

he just likes getting to spend time with you

choi beomgyu -

he would BEG to play adopt me

lowkey would just want to scam kids

but you would do it together <3

would also adore those silly roleplay games (where he gets to grill 7 year olds taking their online relationship too seriously)

whenever you two play you have to make sure he doesn't say anything that would get his account banned

def has like 10 burner accounts

he rotates hating on kids and getting suspended

most likely to have moa find his account tbh

he like barely hides it

kang taehyun - 

he would be so contempt playing some sort of chill vibe game

you guys would sit for hours just chatting away listening to the music

then he'd ask to play toh

would beat ur ass

and would laugh abt it.

gyu is definitely his mentor

you will catch this man 'studying' each map

learning how to beat the levels as fast as possible

just wants to prove he's the best in some way🤧

huening kai -

the type to play royal high and love it

he'd have a cute little avatar and everything

the type to buy female sets

100% an og player

and 100% hates the new updates

“its so expensive~”

has over 2M diamonds

literally has every gamepass under the sun

probably started playing with hiyyih while he was a trainee

so they could still bond and have their ‘special’ thing

but of course you're allowed to play

authors note: im in such a slump right now that all ive been doing is homework and playing roblox, so take a 3 AM draft all about txt and roblox 😻

©2023 — all rights reserved to hueningsloverr , please do not plagiarise or translate any of my work

[hinamie]

31 + 36 for the art ask <33

31. show the oldest piece of art you have on hand

im crying why wouldu do this to me,,, dug out all my old sketchbooks,,,,, PHYSICAL sketchbooks........god some of these r ROUGH but i will b strong and show a couple pieces from different ages :'>

these two are from the oldest sketchbook i have and feature Original Pokemon Created By Me Please Don't Steal >:( I would have been about 6 or 7

I was SO proud of the left drawing as a kid like i remember this being The Drawing I would show off to friends :') I think she's from one of the fire emblem games?? i couldn't tell u which one but i know i copied the art off the back of a blockbuster rental gfsdhjgdf. I didn't even have the console to play the game I think i took it out Exclusively so I could draw her. I want to say I was around....10????? also from around the same age (tbh maybe a bit younger? idk none of the drawings in this particular sketchbook have dates on them)....obligatory unfinished unnamed generic tokyo mew mew oc......

around age 14 I had started doing portraits and realism and the one direction/louis tomlinson stan in me was SUPER proud of this one GHSGJ,, and tbh????? it holds up??????? like fr tho why was i kind of goated as an eighth grader

and finally ... 2015/age 15 i think if u scroll back far enough on my blog u can find a better picture of this one but this was i think . one of the first original tokyo ghoul fanarts I ever posted :') I was *just* starting to make my own stuff instead of just copying other art I liked and for what it is i still think it's a solid piece!!

36. do you have a shameful art past? (recolour sprite comics, tracing art, etc)

BOLD OF U TO ASK THIS AFTER I JUST SPILLED MY SHAMEFUL ART HISTORY WITH PICTURE EVIDENCE GJHFDSGHJF but in all seriousness Yes, I've been open abt the fact that i copied art when i was younger :'> never to post or claim as my own, i mostly did it bc if i saw something i liked, i wanted to try to . Have it, if that makes sense?? if i had to explain it's like the drawing equivalent of saving a photo to ur camera roll ghfjdsgj little me just wanted to compile all the art she liked,, I don't *condone* it per se but i am pleased with where I ended up because of it!

artist asks !

[m00nj3w3l]

No one asked, but I thought it was funny so here's my friend's assumptions and comments about the DMMD men from yesterday's morning:

(Aoba)

Me:"Ok here we go. Ultimate Gayboy. Blue hair and pronouns. What are your thoughts."

Her:"Aside from being Ultimate Gayboy he looks like he speaks in a stupidly high pitched tone and all *clicks tongue and goes aaaaahhhhh*. Softboy who probably uses children's perfume."

Me:"NOOOOO SHWTYSFGSHGGG"

(Noiz)

Me:"Ok he's a fan favourite AND I think he'd be your type since he's malnutrioned, a loser, and obviously autistic."

Her:"........He looks like he came out of 2020's Dream era. Fucking Minecraft Youtubers type of shit. He acts like an asshole, probably bullies you, then goes home and watches My Little Pony."

Me:"FUCK LMAOOOO"

Her:"AM I WRONG?? LOOK AT HIM!!!"

Me:"NONO YOU'RE SO RIGHT ACTUALLY"

(Koujaku)

Me:"Ahhh my favourite repressed bisexual let's go."

Her:"Good Lord he's there for the fanservice. Straight up. Fucking edgy man with the dark backstory; LOOK AT THE FUCKING SCARS COME ONNNN, THE DARK FRINGEEEE; is cold and distant and all that."

Me:"LMAO you're like. Right abt the backstory but he's a softie. Like the softest of the bunch. He was my fist fav cus he's so down bad for Aoba and utterly pathetic HAHA"

Her:"Ok I like him a bit more now."

(Clear)

Her:"What the fuck is that why does he have a mask."

Me:"Do you want to see him without it?"

Her:"Yeah please he looks like Einstein with that thing on."

Me: *swipes* "Here"

Her:"....Put the mask back on please."

Me:"HUH???"

Her:"He scares me!!! His eyes look vampiric. That green little scarf is a crime against humanity. Is he wearing women's clothing why are the buttons on his shirt and the one on his coat on opposite sides."

Me"I didn't like him either at first then he became a fav so trust me."

Her:"You're not gonna change my opinion."

Me:"I bawled like a baby at the end of his route."

Her:"I'm so scared."

(Mink)

Her:"Ok this man has a daughter full stop cus there's NO WAY a dude that looks as threatening as this wears a colorful bracelet like that if not for his kid. Beats people up then goes home to his daughter and plays tea party with her drinking from those toy cups (there's no tea in them just water), and getting his nails painted by her, and if you tell him anything about that he'll cry."

Me:"God how I wish it was like that man."

(Sei)

Her:"....That's a dude?"

Me:"Yeah."

Her:"Ok he's a trans guy for sure. The black straps poking out from his shirt are from his binder. The gloves with the skull hands are offensive and I can tell this game's old even just from those, and I HATE the layered choker."

Me:"What??? I love his outfit!!!"

Her:"It's not bad, it's just that either there's a mess going on behind his neck, or he made that choker out of a belt and is now suffocating."

Me:"I find the fucking Fedora hat more offensive if I'm being honest"

Her:"Fair enough."

(Ren) (I refused to tell her about the dog thing.)

Her:"(About his human Rhyme form) What the fuck? Is he a Pokémon? What is that?"

Me:"Wait hold on lemme show you his other look (the one in Sei's body)"

Her: *long, exagerrated sigh* "....Smash."

Me: *hysterical laughing fit ensuses*

(Vitri)

Her:"(About Virus) What the hell is that hair please tell me it's tied up and not styled like that for real."

Me:"Huh..."

Her:"Anyway he's a snobby cunt who probably went to private school thanks to daddy's money and brags about it. Probably calls people slurs."

Me:"JAHYSFGSDFJHHHDHG. Ok here's his friend. No, they aren't twins. (Shows Trip)"

Her:"......Ok, he scares me, and that outfit is ugly as fuck. These two look like they go to a tailor to get their outfits done personally just to show how rich and posh they are."

(Mizuki)

Her:"He's cute, but he looks like he'd be a member of BTS in 2015-2016. Look at him and tell me you don't hear the 'FIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAYYYAREEEEEEE OOOOEEEEEOOOOO' playing."

Me:"LMAOOOO YEAH..."

Her:"Anyway. He acts all tough, talks a lot of shit but probably gets his ass handed to him on a daily basis then cries about it. A bit of a loser."

Me:"YEAH ACTUALLY HE'S THE FIRST ONE TO GET INVOLVED IN SHIT ACTUALLY SO"

Her:"SEE???"

[fishbonedotcom]

Bestie who is irene from the matrons realm. Theres no tags on t. That. And im intrigued :)

Bunnyfella my coconspirator in pacrim and also Minecraft. Im so glad you asked. OK. SO. Going to be avoiding spoilers best I can, but. Irene is sort of a big deal to the whole. Everything.

That was a post talking abt Minecraft Diaries, a Minecraft lets play turned roleplay from 2015. The cannon gets a little handwavey in places bc some of it is. Stupid.

It had three sessions (and a modern au (called “my street”) that evolved into a separate thing. Its complicated) MCD is a fantasy story abt our main character Aphmau (named after and played by the CC, Aphmau) who wakes up in the woods one day and becomes the lord of the village, Phoenix Drop, largely on accident. And then other things happen.

In the world theres a handful (7?) of very powerful individuals that lived far before the main time called the Divine Warriors. (several founded cities and bloodlines, so like for sure existed.) We don’t know a lot about most of them, both bc the show ended after session 3 and because in story its been a very long time since the divine warriors were alive. History treats them more like gods then people.

Irene (sometimes just The Matron, shes usually purple and has the fleur-de-lis symbol in art. Ill rb some in a second) was the founder/leader of the divine warriors. As the founder she’s one of the most powerful divine warriors and created her own realm, the Irene dimension. (It probably had its own, not stupid, name. Again lost to history)

(im assuming this is bc you saw the shadow knights post)

Shad was her opposite and equal, he created/ruled over the Neather (draw all the biblical parallels you’d like. They’re definitely there) Shadow knights are the members of Shads army, its very emo, and because they draw their power from Shad we were speculating what that would mean if they wound up in the Irene dimension.

[valfeathers]

you know what. go wild. tell us more L headcanons !!! i'm listening with great attention !!!! i will read 3k of it if that's what you send. v wammyposting enabler agenda !!! 💙

gladly!! olorea enabling me in the inbox oh no

ookay so first i'm gonna info dump about how i choose to draw him bcs i just love talking abt my process & i put way too much thought into my own art lol

i remember some people talking about how i made him look healthier and i've had ppl say that i draw him pretty (which,, thanks sm i try !!)

so i like to mishmash several aspects from different L iterations over the years into my own art! such as the mole on his nose as a nod to the actor ken'ichi matsuyama who played him in L:CTW (& the 2006 dn live actions), and i tend to branch out & draw him with little bits of jewelry because of the 2015 jdrama

and the green jacket that he wears in the musical! (bcs i love that characterization and i think he should be allowed to be more unhinged)

i've noticed that his bitten nails reappear in different media as well, so i try to include those wherever i can

and as for the bitten lips & perpetually scratched knuckles,,, that's mostly projection haha

but anyways here are some more little hcs that i didn't have the opportunity to draw :)

the laces of those beat-up trainers he wears are literally never tied. can he tie them? yes. will he? nope!

he cuts his own hair,, that man has never set foot in a barber's in his life

maybe this is projection but i just cannot imagine him with a posh accent, an autistic non-accent at most

i feel like if he had gone to a proper college he'd have done a course on criminal psychology, and he would have absolutely excelled at the challenge of puzzling out the motives of criminals alongside the just. the crimes themselves.

man's hands are just perpetually cold, i mean it, terrible circulation all round

i think the jdrama might have inspired this one but germaphobe L is so so real to me. he really is just like me fr.

this one is just straight-up canon but i HAVE to mention this. his ability to like,, copy different dialects?? the fact that he's multi-lingual?? cool as fuck

OH AND,, i'm an ace-spectrum L truther. he's asexual on this page babey

this was a little short but!! this'll do for now so i don't wind up losing my mind and rambling for like 10 years straight,,

i relate so so deeply to this weird man and i won't apologise for it!!

[notasapleasure]

Oh I realized I forgot to ask about Jerott/Marthe plans (I think I’ve seen what you’ve written but I’d love to hear abt the other ideas too!) and “AU of an AU” bc I wanna know how the townhouse stay goes!

I'll answer Au of an au separately :')

Ik I must have mentioned this a million times, but it always bears repeating :') the whole ethos of band AU Jerott/Marthe is summarised by the song Precious Things by Tori Amos:

So I ran faster But it caught me here Yes, my loyalties turned Like my ankle In the seventh grade Running after Billy Running after the rain

These precious things Let them bleed Let them wash away These precious things Let them break Their hold on me

He said "you're really an ugly girl But I like the way you play" And I died, but I thanked him Can you believe that? Sick, sick, holding on to his picture Dressing up every day I wanna smash the faces Of those beautiful boys Those Christian boys So, you can make me cum That doesn't make you Jesus

These precious things Let them bleed Let them wash away These precious things Let them break Their hold on me

I remember, yes In my peach party dress No one dared No one cared to tell me Where the pretty girls are Those demigods With their nine-inch nails And little fascist panties Tucked inside the heart Of every nice girl

These precious things Let them bleed Let them wash away These precious things Let them break Let them wash away These, these precious things Let them bleed, now Let them wash away These, these precious things Let them break Their hold on me

--

I also actually made a band AU playlist for them ages and ages ago, but some of those songs have since been repurposed to other characters' playlists and I think I'd rework it quite heavily now. Still, gives an idea of the vibes.

More answer and fic below the cut

Marthe gets saddled with minding Jerott while he finishes up his stint in rehab (Anemone on Ao3). She doesn't let on what she knows of where Francis has gone - nor who he's gone with - and Jerott's probably surprisingly tolerable while he's sober and chastened after all the drama of the road trip etc. They get to jamming together and do a few shows for pocket money, and probably bond over some obscure artists and songs they didn't think anyone else knew about/thought were cool in that day and age (mutual love of Nature Boy ftw haha yes I am aware of what I did there: 'the greatest thing you'll ever learn / is just to love / and be loved / in return').

Marthe, cynical about her chances of a solo career in the wake of Kiaya's departure, sees in Jerott a competant musician who she might bend to play her kind of music, to allow her to kind of ride on-his-coattails into the charts/European market (grudgingly admitting the need for a Man in the music industry, thanks for the 'lesson', Kiaya), from where she might find her own niche. They do have chemistry on stage at this point, playing covers together and challenging each other to play better than the other. I think that leads her to a moment of vulnerability where she makes a last gasp effort to convince herself she's bi, when it's really just that competence is a draw no matter who they are. But Jerott's still sober and he's so excited she's willing to tolerate him (oh thank god!! I was attracted to her and not Francis after all!!) that he's well behaved and keeps his mouth shut when told to (see excerpt below). He is also, as we have discussed, A Good Sex Haver, or at least is very much the kind of guy who gets off on giving good head (it's MY au and I'll do what I want to make elements of their marriage less grim ok??), so even if Marthe's not keen on piv she can live with the situation.

The marriage is something they both claim to go into with eyes wide open - knowing it suits her to have access to European residency (I am not looking up citizenship law for this ask, but Jerott probably has dual French/British if that's possible at the time) and knowing that he's obsessed with her(/Francis) while she's kind of indifferent/tolerating him. But of course he believes she'll come to love him anyway, and he believes he doesn't love Francis, and she believes he'll stay sober and meek and won't mind being teased about Francis when it's obvious that's who he'd rather be with.

They do some touring and it starts well - Fleetwood Mac energy, bouncing from love to hate depending on the kind of day they've had. They get a pretty good record contract, but they absolutely blow the recording of it. They have to *live* together for the first time, not on tour, but in a place near the studio, confined and at each other's throats. He starts drinking again. She won't compromise musically. It's a total flop - the lyrics are called outdated and garbled, the music is overproduced, stifled and jars from one track to the next. They play a few live shows where some of the tracks come into their own a bit, but the reviews put such a strain on them they pull their tour and fuck off to Europe, like living together in Jerott's ancestral homelands and sorting through Marthe's grandma's junk is somehow going to improve things.

So that's when things start to come apart, even though they're ostensibly working on a second record together they're not touring and they're working from a home studio, so their world is quite limited and Marthe branches out and finds French friends while Jerott obsessively follows the music news and write great long epistles to Francis.

In terms of the fic I mentioned, the idea was trying to write the highs (well, moderate peaks) and lows of their relationship through sex. I never got very far with the first one (below) but the idea was that 1) leaves Marthe mildly impressed, 2) a bit uncertain of how this might evolve, but still happy enough, 3) he says 'Francis' when he comes, but he's sober and just very tired so she elects to ignore it for now, 4) starting to get bored with this, the tour is tiiiring, 5) studio life doesn't suit them, he's not sober, and when he says 'Francis' this time she's absolutely calling him on it.

I did still intend to write a version of this fic set between the Baron Morgan/Aga Morat stuff and Checkmate, but I only wrote one scene between them, which you've read :)

Others haven't though! So I'll post it beneath the excerpt from the unfinished bit. It makes reference to her suspicion that it's only a matter of time before he calls her 'Francis' and alludes to a less-than-happy occasion on which GRM pulled his hair, not like he's ready to talk about that with Marthe...uh...ever? I imagined it set sometime during their tour, before they get bogged down trying to record their album. It's more them, I think - Marthe eternally shadowed by a kind of self-loathing and resentment of Jerott that's never going to go away.

--

Draft 1

She's pleasantly surprised pre-wedding

No, that won't work, but keep doing it if you have to

He says 'Francis' when he shouldn't

So you can make me come it doesn't make you Jesus

She calls him out on saying Francis, he clearly had no idea he'd said it

1.

By the end of the encore, laughing and waving into what seemed a physical wall of noise, Jerott knew he had never been happier in his life. The crowd wasn't the biggest he had played to, the set had been rough and ready, but there was a spark on that stage that even Marthe could no longer deny. She stepped up to stand by his side and raise her own arms, and she smiled across at Jerott: a small, wry little thing, but a smile that contained genuine pride.

In the motel corridor, Jerott stopped at her shoulder, each of them facing opposite directions. She looked at him from the corner of her eye, her long, white neck held tall and straight, her smile something that even now she fought, but that made her cornflower blue eyes sparkle.

"That was pretty good, right?" He offered his most bashful, winning grin in return, lowering his chin and gaze.

Marthe snorted. "Yeah," she admitted though. "Yeah it was. You can play, I'll give you that."

He raised his brows and tried not to laugh or blush - he knew he could play, he'd never needed to hear it from her. But she was looking at him still, in a strange and calculating manner that made him feel weighted to the spot. Her eyes narrowed, sweat-smudged kohl hemming in their vibrant colour, and she bit her lip.

He didn't notice her hand move until it began to slide around his, neat and warm, her fingers following the sensitive contours of his palm.

Jerott sucked in a breath and his hand tightened reflexively on hers. At the pressure, Marthe's expression flickered, the corners of her mouth moving with something tight and resigned and her nostrils flaring. But she didn't try to withdraw.

She said nothing, and he saw blooms of colour, like peonies, cover the pale skin of her chest and throat. Her pulse flickered in the pronounced v of tendons between her collarbones and Jerott ached to press his mouth to it and feel her life, separate and strange beneath his lips.

Marthe tugged his hand until he took a step sideways, and the lengths of their arms were aligned: his bare brown skin against her rumpled shirt and white skin, long black hairs mingling with the fine blonde ones covering her forearm. Her face was only inches from his. It was smooth as polished marble, distinguished here and there by traces of the complexities of her existence: fine echoes of all her frowns and smiles in the lines that could not be seen when he stood back. And he had never known her eyes so wide, her mouth part with such softness.

Jerott felt his heart jolt at the expression on her face. He had imagined it so many times, in so many places, and it could never have compared to the way she looked now: sultry and confident, gently, wryly amused, and - finally - interested in what she saw in return?

"You think I can play?" He murmured, leaning into her gravity, his smile smooth and his eyes steady.

She grinned, but it made the hairs on his arms stand on end: a sense of danger gathering. "Don't," Marthe said, her voice crisp and firm.

He raised his eyebrows and broadened his sweetest smile. With an unsteady breath he lowered his face still closer to hers.

Marthe snorted, blue fire dancing in her eyes, the dimples in her cheeks sinking deeper. "I said don't!" She repeated, but her grin crept into her voice. "Don't pull that smooth shit with me, you got your compliment."

Jerott laughed silently and looked down, his eyes hovering on her lips as he contemplated saying another foolish thing.

She must have seen the idiocy on the tip of his tongue and pre-empted it: "Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up," she raked the last syllable over her vocal chords, drawling , chuckling, edging nearer herself until her nose brushed against his. Her mascara-coated lashes lowered until the last moment.

Jerott met her eyes as their lips touched: blue like an open sky, blue like denim and fresh water. Her mouth was soft and hot, closed over his own parched mouth as she tested the feel of him, her open eyes seeking out the response she elicited.

He tried to hold her stare, but her lips moved against his, her teeth met his lower lip with gentle, teasing pressure, and he gasped and his eyes fell shut. His free hand came up to her shoulder, which was warm beneath the shirt she had shrugged on over her sweat-dark tank top, the perfect fit against his palm.

--

Draft 2

He'd proven himself, to Marthe's great surprise, an enthusiastic and generous lover. No inheritor to Gaultier's bored, unimaginative humping was Jerott Blyth; he'd go down on her at the drop of a hat, and he'd do it well; backstage, back alleys, motel rooms - wherever he could get his hands on her while they were both still buzzing with the adrenaline of the set they'd played.

Marthe wasn't sure if it made it easier or harder when he was above her in a motel bed then, taking what he assumed would be given freely in exchange for his own efforts. She did try, for the first few times, to work out if she might like it when it was a handsome young man between her legs instead of her dry, detached professor. But though she entertained the idea of being someone, something else, it wasn't long before she knew it just wasn't for her - neither in the sense of something given, nor in the sense of appealing to her tastes.

But he wasn't Gaultier, she wasn't his pet, and he could play. Their sets were electric, furious, wild in a way Marthe had never had the freedom to be publicly before. And afterwards he wanted to - and could - make her cum like no one she'd met since the girlfriend she'd had back in halls, and after that she was able to simply lie there and wait for him to finish without even feeling much of anything.

Gaultier had developed a habit of working on his compositions while he fucked her - eyes closed, mentally picturing the stave as he hummed and muttered notes to himself. Jerott, on the other hand, was gentleman enough to admire her with his eyes, his hands, his tongue. To never forget a condom the way Gaulter had from time to time – because he could, too. Above all, he was very eager to tell her she was beautiful.

Marthe didn't need to be told that. But it was better than being used as a dissociative tool for someone's artistic process.

It seemed kinder, then, to maintain an air of curiosity, of interest. In order to do so, she made a bet with herself - with the money she was earning from this tour, she'd buy herself a new guitar if he slipped and called her Francis while deep in the throes. If he didn't, she'd do something sensible with the money. Put it in savings or something.

Maybe she was thinking of the guitar when, one night in Seattle, she sat up to take the foil packet from his hands and open it herself. He looked at her searchingly, dark eyes she found difficult to read scanning her expression for ulterior motives.

Marthe tossed the loose tendrils of her tied-back hair over her shoulder and tore the packet open with her teeth, aware of the weight of his stare, aware of his breath coming more heavily.

She rolled the condom on, thinking abstractedly of community sex ed workshops on the college lawn. For good measure, she gave his cock a couple of firm strokes, and he gasped, his brows raising.

Ok, that's plenty, Marthe sat back with an expression she imagined was closer to being a seductive smile than a grimace. She didn't want him to think she was going to do...that, every time.

Perhaps she was overthinking things, overestimating what he'd notice and what he'd expect. Jerott wasn't that complicated, after all - he reached for her and kissed her like there was only one thought on his mind, and Marthe let herself be brought close, kissed him back with the same sloppy urgency.

Then, impulsively, she moved closer still, lifting one leg and shifting to straddle him where he sat on the edge of the bed - he made a sound in the kiss that Marthe took to be surprise and pleasure, and she ground her hips against him, her body still wet from his tongue, from her own orgasm, slick against the rubber he wore.

Jerott moaned and Marthe gritted her teeth. She pushed him back to the mattress and lowered herself onto him, her eyes closed, her mind on the wares for sale at Eve's Garden. She had him half on the bed and half off, his lower legs dangling over the side, unable to brace himself easily against the floor - it gave her near total control of the rhythm, and she batted him back down again if he tried to sit up.

He didn't take much convincing, though he remained propped on his elbows for a time, gawping up at her. She could sense him watching, and cracked open her eyes to wince at his expression of ragged, lascivious desire - mouth loose and open, eyelids heavy, gaze blank. Marthe screwed her eyes shut again and sank herself as low as she could, upping the pace of her rolling hips.

Jerott at last admitted defeat, lay back and made a strangled sound of ecstasy, holding onto her thighs just above each knee with bruising strength in his hands.

She'd never done this with Gaultier - he didn't believe in a woman being on top, and besides, if she'd broken his hip or something, he wouldn't have hesitated to claim the medical bills on her insurance.

But there was, she found, far more pleasure to be had this way. There were no hot, grasping fingers or lips on her breasts, there was no sandpapery, rough cheek rubbing on the skin of her neck. She could keep her eyes closed and imagine herself wherever she needed to be to get off.

She began to believe that she might do so here, as well. She wielded her body with less deliberation, working herself to a sweat as she bucked her hips, her hands resting on the tops of her thighs, feeling her breasts swing heavily, the small, natural garland of fat on her belly and her flanks jogging with her movements. The bed and mattress shrieked and rattled beneath her, the sound like a crowd going wild for an encore.

Jerott let out a cry and Marthe was almost embarrassed to hear herself answer it, feeling fire crawl its way up inside her, flickering and crackling like a broken bulb at the edge of her vision.

Fearful he wouldn't last as long as she needed, she let herself lean forwards, one hand a fist, bracing herself against his chest, the other taking hold of a bunch of his black hair for good measure, fingers tangling against his sweaty scalp. She adjusted the angle of her hips accordingly and bit her lower lip, trying to keep her momentum going.

Beneath her, Jerott's body flinched.

"Fuck...!" he groaned. He gripped the wrist of the hand that was knotted in his hair but found that tugging it only tightened Marthe's hold. His other hand flailed for the bed clothes, grabbing at the sheets and relieving the pressure on Marthe's thigh so she could really move how she wanted to.

He didn't complain about her grip. On the contrary, his eyes were closed and his brow was furrowed with concentration. "Oh, god..." he said hoarsely as his head rolled on the covers.

It was never quite enough though - she didn't get further than eternally close before his body bucked beneath hers with a grunt. The way he craned his neck and turned his head against the mattress pulled her forward, jerked by the hand tangled in his hair, and her own concentration was lost as he came.

"Shit," Marthe barked breathlessly.

She tugged her hand free, noting that Jerott's hold was now on her hips, his thumbs softly caressing her skin, encouraging her own gentle rocking motion to continue as he finished, wringing every last drop of satisfaction out.

Marthe swept his hands away, rolled off him without preamble and sat beside his prone form with a sour taste rising to her tongue. Disappointment - she knew the flavour well. Stupid, to let herself get involved like that, to try and take something for herself. That wasn't what this was about.

It was about her career. Wasn't it always?

Marthe sighed and massaged her brow. Her grandmother would want to know when she was moving to Europe, when she was going to find a market she could really sell to. When she was going to make something of herself - or, failing that, make Francis Crawford make something of her. Whatever they really were to each other.

Her grandmother would have a great many questions when the tour finally came to an end in New York, but one thing Marthe's grandmother would be certain of was that the man currently lying next to her was second-best - and Marthe's grandmother would therefore judge him perfectly adequate to his task.

Jerott lay still for a moment beside her and then raised a hand and rubbed at the top of his sternum, at his throat like he had a pain there. He let out a cough and frowned at the ceiling, then sat up and slipped away to the ensuite.

Usually, when they were in the motel room, he couldn't wait to wrap his arms around her afterwards, to pin her close in his hold - where Marthe felt like a small bird gripped in a fist. He'd fall asleep and she'd lie there, smelling his tobacco, his whiskey, waiting until he was heavy and snoring and she could squirm free to lie comfortably on the other side of the bed.

Tonight though, he lingered in the bathroom, and Marthe felt chilled and exposed as she realised that, for once, she would quite like to have been held in his warm arms. It might have made her feel a little less silly about the whole relationship, just to follow through with the act a bit longer today. But he didn't seem in any hurry to come back to her. She lay naked on the rumpled bedsheets while he ran faucets and clattered about with mouthwash and water glasses.

Her head propped on one hand, the remote lying in front of her, Marthe glared at the tiny TV screen in the corner of the room and stabbed buttons on the remote with one-fingered vindictiveness. That was it, she'd decided. Penetrative sex had to be the worst joke ever told to womankind. She wouldn't bother getting her hopes up again about it.

Click.

Porcupines fucking on a nature documentary. Marthe accepted the funny side of it, and snorted.

Click.

Some lowest common denominator sitcom where the overworked woman was chewing out her lazy husband.

Click.

Teleshopping.

Click.

Pizza ad. Her stomach growled. Maybe she was being unfair. Maybe she was just hungry - she hadn't eaten since before soundcheck.

Click.

A familiar shade of rose pink caught her eye as the channels flickered, and she stopped her assault on the remote to frown at the screen.

"With revelations emerging about Rajneeshpuram daily, it's looking more and more like Graham Reid Malett's activities were standard across all the cult's sites."

It was a report into illegal activities at the main ashram in Oregon, but showed footage of the man who had styled himself Geetesh in custody and on trial for crimes committed at his own Nevada ashram. Marthe watched with a kind of fascinated disgust as the portentous voiceover barely scraped the surface of Reid Malett's wrong-doings.

"Fraud, invasion of privacy, coercion, and he presided over violent and sexual workshops in which willing participants..."

As she watched, Jerott emerged from the ensuite. He handed her one of the two water glasses he'd filled and paused by the bed, staring at the TV with an appalled expression.

"What the fuck are you watching?" he asked.

Marthe shrugged the shoulder that was uppermost and nodded at the bedside table, indicating that Jerott could leave the water there.

"You don't wanna know how Swami Graham is doing?"

He'd moved round to his side of the bed and she saw his face the way it was lit up by the screen: repulsed, furious, maybe even a bit scared?

"No."

Marthe thought she noticed his fingers tremble a little as he put his own glass down. He ran them through his hair and then his eyes fell on the remote.

"Switch it off."

She saw him reach for it and - because he wanted it, because he spoke commandingly and she'd let him have enough already, and more, that night - she snatched it away. "I'm watching!"

"Well don't! What do you even want to know that you haven't already seen with your own two eyes?" He gestured furiously, pointing two fingers at his own fierce features, and grabbed again for the remote.

"Hey!" Marthe wasn't above hollering when he laid a hand on her to stop her from protecting the device. "Don't touch me!"

Jerott had already retreated to stand by the bed again, maintaining a distance, his palms open at his sides, his expression one of vexed fury. "Please switch it off," he said carefully, but Marthe knew suppressed anger when she heard it.

She narrowed her eyes. "Why? You're not gonna...let it all out, get all cathartic on me?"

His jaw clenched visibly.

"Personally, I think it's reassuring to see him cuffed and guarded," Marthe added, eyeing up the picture on the screen.

"...swapped his disciple's robes of pink for fetching penitentiary facility orange..."

Jerott said nothing, but took three long strides to the far wall and yanked the TV plug from the socket.

Marthe rolled her eyes and swept the remote off the bed so it clattered to the floor. "Oh, Mr Rock and Roll. Gonna throw it out the window, too?"

Jerott got into bed and yanked the sheet over his body without turning to face her. "Good night, Marthe," he snarled.

She stared at his back for a moment and then made a sound of exasperation and got up to brush her own teeth.

It wasn't like she'd wanted to watch the programme anyway, it was just that any talk of the Rajneeshees wound him up so much, even now. Marthe, of all people, could well understand another's bitterness about the wasted years of their life - but Jerott's bitterness was always special. He couldn't accept that anyone else might have regrets about any number of things, oh no - nothing compared to the victimhood of the boy who had run off to join a cult instead of going to med school, who had run off to med school instead of joining a band with a man he was clearly deeply, obliviously in love with. He was evidently the first guy on earth to find out he was attracted to a man and feel conflicted about it, the first person in the history of mankind to have his illusions shattered about someone he'd trusted.

Marthe brushed her teeth and hair angrily in the dark bathroom and got back into bed with a heavy landing on the mattress, with deliberately exaggerated kicking of the sheet, plumping of the pillow, and fidgeting until she was comfortable.

"Good night, Jerott. Good gig today. Sleep well."

[7rashstar]

this ended up being way longer than expected so i’m putting it under the cut ~

i miss getting tumblr anons/interacting w ppl on this site more. my old blog had almost 2k followers n i got them allllll the time. i had had that blog since 2015 tho and only stopped using it once i made this one, (after being off the net for. a long while) this is the only social media site i wanna use. i mostly just post and ghost though, barely scrolling the dash. i miss being more interactive with mutuals

i partially abandoned that blog because i felt like there were too many eyes on me 😵‍💫 the other part was bc i was really deep in addiction, and on top of all that i had some major creepy anonymous stalkers

i’ve been thinking abt making more diary oriented posts lately bc the weathers been whack n i’m not rly going on walks bc of that, i’ve also been pretty much a full time hermit since new years. i could prolly count on both (if not one) hand how many times i’ve seen my friends. i think this has been a good thing for me though,,,been having a personal renascence the past couple months. drawing every day, playing guitar and making mewsic etc etc

also thinking abt utilizing side blogs again. maybe make one for my drawings. i drew a couple pages of a comic i wanna work on more. mostly oc art and some photo collages.

i also wanna start posting my music. soundcloud or youtube or both. maybe make some vlogs too? part of the reason why i haven’t is because nothing feels finished, but i’ve realized i used to use my old soundcloud to track my progress creating on ableton when i first got it and had no idea how to use the program. coming to terms with nothing needing to be perfect, bc it’ll never get to that ‘perfectly finished’ point. it’s earnest and from my heart as it is. i do think i should start saving up for a new laptop though, mine is pretty old and laggy. i might jus try ripping everything to an external hard drive to clear up space n see if that helps…but a fresh start would also be nice. (plus i haven’t updated my mac since mojave because it would break ableton lol)

i finallllllly saved up and bought a new phone tho. it’s the same one i have right now but it’s from ebay certified refurbished so i feel pretty good abt it. hopefully it’ll come tomorroww, this one is starting to rly shit out on me. my alarms didn’t even go off this morning 😭 ended up being late to work

i miss going to shows a lot and hanging out w ppl. i think i’m finally starting to come back out of my shell, even jus a little bit.

might boot up my pc tonight and upload some stuff (but not holding myself to that lol) i found all of the old SD cards and some flash drives from my youth and some of the pictures are absolute gems

anywayyy long asf post lol but yea!! i hope everyone is doing ok

much loveeee <33

[genderkiller]

haaeeelp i got tagged by @phantomfitzroy so im being forced (!!!!!!!!!!) to do a tag game like its 2015

Are you named after anyone? my actual name Yes , my mom chose it (...im transgender.) because of a fuckig game of thrones character. but my screen/secondary name kill/killian NmmNmm? N?Y? Noyes Yes no? im gonna say no i did technically steal the name kill from some guy i saw on instagram but yea no killian was my own idea i wanna say

When was the last time you cried? im not sure. i think a couple weeks ago when my best friend was in the hospital. i cried like 8 times in those 24 hours. i really do NOT wanna talk about that.

Do you have kids? NOPE AND NEVER WILL EVER EVER EVER.

What sports do you play/have you played? i used to play touch rugby as a little little kid. wanted to play basketball too but i realised im not actually tall enough nor can i .... see well enough. for any sport.

Do you use sarcasm? Excessively. my mom raised me singlehandedly and shes..... really sarcastic and kind of mean as a person (not to me tho <3) so yeah i. use it a LOT.

What's the first thing you notice about someone? probably their sense of humour. if your sense of humour doesnt jive with mine i will not even attempt to get along with you.

Eye color? deeper grey-blue with a yellowy ring around my pupils

Scary movies or happy endings? i grew up a really shitty cynic about happy endings and predictable movies so i will always take a scary movie over a happy ending

Any talents? ummm i used to be able to sing Not sure that i really can anymore because of what T did to my vocal range. umm. i can draw (YAY) i am good at public speaking when scripted especially. and im very good at making friends :]

Where were you born? some dinky shit city in new zealand. think it got voted most boring city of the year in like 2021.

Hobbies? art, talking to people, playing casual games (sometimes SCARY games)

Any pets? shittass dog (i hate him) (thats a lie) we got him from the shelter like early 2022 and hes been a nightmare ever since <3

Height? YESSIREE! THOUGHT ABT KILLIN MA SELF! /ref (im 5'2)

Favorite school subject? originally it was english/creative writing but i dont really...do that anymore? like thats not an option we get at school anymore for some fucking reason? and i havent done art since like, middle school, so i guess health because its easiest?

imagine me tagging you as like some sort of beast capturing program. @arcaneyouth @alveolion @lycomaniacs @gravellymistaken @relientk optional of course x no pressure

[laf-outloud]

To clarify, when I said Jensen is not a producer, I didn't mean he didn't hold the title or the job. He was given the title and the job, sure. But he has absolutely zero idea how to do it and (going by what I've seen) very little interest, humility, curiosity, or care to actually learn. Never mind the backstabbing part, keeping the idea from Jared was INSANELY stupid from a business perspective. Jared would've helped because he's incredibly generous. Of the two, it's Jared who is the producer. I remember at 2015 Comic Con when Jared was asked if he'd like to direct besides acting he said no, if he was going to do sth else it would be producing. All the way back in 2015 and he already knew what he could do. He's smart & self-aware enough to know his strengths and put effort into cultivating them. Jensen is a passable director who is better than passable when the camera is on Jared, maybe due to what seems like his own weird proprietary-ish obsessive love-hate, admiration-jealousy mess when it comes to Jared. He really should stick to acting & directing. He can make money and minions out of those. Friends, however? Not so much, but he doesn't seem interested in the ONE real friendship we've watched him benefit from over the years, so I'm guessing he's not worried abt friends. He's happy to play up for hellers then sulk when they fall for what is clearly an act, and he's never spoken up abt the hate Jared gets from vocal fans of Jensen. And how many vocal Jared haters has Jensen employed so far? Even creativity isn't his forte: Unlike Jared, Jensen never reads scripts in advance despite complaining (read: throwing ppl under the bus) later and for YEARS abt SPN plots & dialogue. He needs to shut up, stop thinking, accept directing and acting jobs that pay, and bask in the gross horny lies, er, "flattery" from his loon fans. As for Jared, I hope his sympathy, generosity, and kindness don't mean he ends up giving Jensen work on Walker or any other project Jared helms, and I hope Jared never feels he owes it to Jensen to help out by appearing on any fiasco Jensen decides to make. I'm so grateful Jared was never on The Boys or TW. He has ample sense not to, but we've seen how his kindness makes him continue to support Stands to help out. Jared's caption on the latest Instagram post was poignant. Slide through life with people who love you. Not "with good buddies" or "good friends" or even any indication to the bond he and Anson have after surviving that horrible crash. No. He chose to say "people who love you". It's sad that he now knows that there are others who don't and were only ever using him. Remember the cryptic Instagram post a few years ago on his birthday, when he said (paraphrasing here) that it was awful and some people were working against him? I thought it about someone behind the scenes. Now I think it must've been about Jensen. He wouldn't have sounded so hurt if it had been anyone else. Imagine rooming with your costar, discovering you have so much in common, building a beautiful cult show together, starting families and doting on each other's kids, all of it for FIFTEEN years, only to discover the dude you had to create boundaries with wasn't simply too controlling or obsessive because you were his most precious best friend, oh no. It was because he never had any friendship or love for you in the first place. God. I'm so glad he has his family and Gen and his kids and people like Anson. Thank you for allowing me to send you all this. You're a wonderful blogger with a good head on your shoulders and a heart in the right place. I respect you a lot because you keep your criticism where it counts. You don't make fun of people's looks (ppl we hate, like Dmitri, Danneel, etc), for instance. I love your blog. Have a good day or evening, laf-outloud.

Thanks for clarifying the producer part! I totally agree. Obviously, there were issues from even before the announcement, but the fact that Jensen admitted to sitting in his car while everything supposedly ran smoothly on set (and later finding out they had to do a bunch of reshoots), told me all I needed to know about his producing 'skills' early on. And if Jensen decides to continue directing, I hope he takes advantage of some of the directing programs studios offer so he can improve his skills.

I'm truly grateful that Jared's been able to experience a much healthier and loving environment around his family, his true friends, and his coworkers. Every time I see photos of him, he just looks healthier and happier than he seemed to be on the SPN set.

Thank you for sharing everything else, I really have nothing to add because you've said it so much better than I ever could, and especially, thank you for your very kind words! I may get salty sometimes, and don't always get things right, but I do try and stay fair, and I'm glad that you, and hopefully others, see that. Sending love back to you and best wishes for a wonderful weekend!

[liverpool-enjoyer]

MAX HEY what got u into soccer (as u call it) / ur football origin story ?!?!?

HI BESTIE I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING!!!

warning in advance i talk. so much. like half this info isnt even necessary to answer the question i jus like to run my big mouth.

so it all started when i was a wee lil lad. actually if you wanna be technical it starts before then!! basically i love soccer cause my dads loved it his whole life. n my dad loves soccer cause his dad loved soccer n i'll probly pass it on to my poor kiddos in the future lmao.

but yeah when i say dad loves soccer i MEAN it. he played when he was in school n continued to play after for the local club, a club made entirely of irish immigrants in new york. he is not irish. but he was rlly good so they were like aight. i have a ton a their trophies n yearbooks n stuff!! my dad was a goalie n helped them win a CHAMPIONSHIP (that he postponed his wedding for)!!! he got a buncha mvp votes n my opa has a plaque thanking him for being their biggest supporter :)) fun fact dads team played against usmnt goalie tim howard when he was younger. dont remember who won tho.

i know less abt opas exploits unfortunately, but by God did he love the sport. man could watch half a dozen games a day. oh wait nvm i jus remembered how could i forget he took my dad to PELES FAREWELL GAME IN '77??? oh yeah my dad n opa used to see the new york cosmos EVERY HOME GAME. so theyve literally seen pele himself more times than my dad can count. funny lil story they were season ticket holders but at the farewell game their seats were given to mohammed ali. as i type this i realize that sounds so made up but im not shitting you. look it up he was there.

so yeah naturally being raised by this man means being raised around soccer. as a baby i had a little plush soccer ball n i actually took my first steps with it. its still lying around somewhere i think. i did play when i was a kid (goalie, ofc) but the fact that i have the atheticism of an asthmatic squirrel cut my playing career short. honestly, i regret not pulling through n playing more. i actually didnt get into european soccer till i was like eleven. up until then i was a DIE HARD mls/new york red bulls enjoyer. i went to my first red bulls game when i was literally an infant n went to damn near every home game for over a decade. which means i jus got to watch the man, the myth, the legend mr thierry henry more times than i can COUNT. i didnt realize till years later how fortunate i actually was!!

now the REAL awakening. so its 2014, either march or april i cant remember. i come downstairs from an absurdly long minecraft playing binge n like usual theres a game on the tv. i ask whos playing n my dads like its el clasico. n im like ??? he explains that barcelona n real madrid are two teams in spain with an intense rivalry n every time they play they call it el clasico. n that barcelona has a player named lionel messi, who many consider the best in the world, n that real madrid has cristiano ronaldo, who many also consider the best in the world. i watched the rest of the game with him, n i honestly dont know what exactly made me a die hard messi fan. my dads a serie a/juventus enjoyer so he didnt care enough to steer me one way or the other. but from that day forward i was the BIGGEST messi n barcelona fan. i remember the 2014 wc VIVIDLY, it made me the woman i am today n NOT in a good way. i also remember growing up watching msn n that was literal crack. the 2015 ucl final especially was an,,, interesting time in my house lmao.

n thats why i love soccer!!!

[rowlet-man-spam]

Messy Thoughts on Life is Strange - Episode 1

I think it'd be interesting to keep a log of the games I've been playing (at least till I feel the urge to write on my dusty ass journal that I've had since 2016). tbh this shit will be for me. idk who'd be interested in the thoughts of a remastered version of a game from 2015.

anyway, I'm working my way up from the 1st life is strange to true colours (the only Life is Strange game I haven't played. I know close to nothing abt it. I know that Steph is there, it's about empathy, and the protagonist is gay though that's a given... it's Life is Strange)

still thinking about episode 1's ending. I finished it a couple of hours ago.

I am playing the remaster and I've dealt with a couple of annoying glitches but nothing awful. for some odd reason the screen blacked out during a cutscene (ending cutscene by the lighthouse w Chloe) and idk the screen got weirdly pixalated. like it was in 720p.. maybe I got something wrong w my eyes lmao

I accidentally broke the game in the beginning. I misremembered the the rewind mechanic and thought I could rewind to ANY point in a cutscene. but nah, you gotta stick to a specific point marked by the swirly thing up top.

when I made this mistake, I was in Jefferson's class. Max gained telerportation and invisibility powers and was able to teleport her desk to behind Jefferson.

actually, maybe it wasn't a glitch. maybe Mad Max was trying to intimidate him but sadly, wasn't aware that her teleportation powers came with the caveat of turning her invisible as no one noticed her. oh well

also the UI keeps glitching out. I'll look at an object, select an action and the game will get a little confused and the UI will disappear. I'll try to get a screenshot of that. and Mad Max's tp powers though I think she'll retire those.

I also forgot how dark this game is. maybe bc I'm 18 I'm finally understanding the true impact of certain matters. For example, Juliet Watson (I GOT HER LAST NAME RIGHT FIRST TRY I KNOW THIS GAME LIKE THE BACK OF MY HAND) has a fucking abortion?? she's a high schooler (ill just HOPE she's 18) and she considered keeping the child dude (she had a maternity book in her dorm). I do like the amount of thought that was put into character's rooms. Juliet's book is so incredibly easy to miss but it adds to much to this relatively unimportant NPC.

I forgot how much of a... creep David is. I COMPLETELY forgot he had cameras set up *inside* the house. I forgot he slaps Chloe too??? dude.

I do like how Rachel Amber's set up. she's so incredibly mysterious. the way others speak of her make it seem like she's an elusive myth. an untouchable goddess. to Chloe, she's an angel.

maybe it's nostalgia speaking but it really brings me back to waht the fandom was then. especially how crazy everyone went when we met her in Before the Storm.

further, it really emphasises the sort of town Arcadia Bay is. it's a small little town. everyone knows everyone here for better and for worse. Arcadia Bay feels cozy and lived in and im excited to rediscover it when i play episode two tonight.

[uraverageemodrainergamerbf]

the muppets. (2015)

I'm currently watching one of the more recent show starring my favorite puppets, and I have to say I'm really pleasantly surprised by this one. Most of the post 90's muppets content, following the early death of their creator Jim Henson, has been kinda rough. Each time it's very lacking and misses a lot of soul, especially the disney + productions, which just consists of way too mich guest stars and not enough muppet magic ( more on that on another post) but this one is different.

Starting it I had no expectations, but it quickly became more than I hoped for. First of all the show concept is really fun, it's a show in the form of the office, where we see the backstage and production of a late night talk show starring miss piggy. There's no music, it's very mundane most of the time it's just people trying to work and I just love it. Seeing Kermit slowly becoming crazy while trying to hold together this crew of completely chaotic maniacs is really entertaining. The one on one interviews a la The office is a great idea to focus for little moments on each character.

But I had some problems starting the show. Some jokes are just really not appropriate in my opinion (weight jokes are just terrible) and a bit toxic sometimes, especially at the start of the series. It's also very cynical and kind of cold at first, everyone is pretty mean to each other and I hate it, the muppets just don't act this way for me and it's pretty infuriating to see them mocking other on their insecurities

So the show's humor is kind of a mixed bag at the start, it's more oriented toward an adult audience than your usual muppet show, while not being shocking or totally inappropriate. And they walk that straight line pretty gracefully most of the time, if you ignore the sexist jokes

But GOOD KNOWS WHY at the middle of the season everything changes. The characters start having a lot of compassion and try to help each other more and care more, while still making fun of each other, but in a more respectful and gentle way. The plot thickens for a few characters, and the friendship just starts to shine. Kermit starts to actually support all his old friends and that's super cute. And even after that the story takes another great turn (spoiler warning) : the network tries really hard to change the show by sending a hipster jackass to modernize it, and the muppets just decide to stick together in front of adversity and try to come up with new ideas to satisfy the network. And they have trouble so Kermit leaves a meeting at one point. But then they start making the muppets show opening with office furniture. And it's so cute and Kermit comes back see them and says "i know what to add to the show: our friends" cause you see in this series they are not performers but work for Kermit and the only muppets really performing is Peggy. And so they literally transform the show into the muppet show and it's so sweet. They start to sing together on stage, playing old bits they use to do and you can just feel the love they have for their show and crew (watch me talk abt them as if they were real). And they also lose the problematic jokes or at least there are way less than in the first 5/6 episodes

The guest stars are really neat too, most of the stars are being real assholes and are quite funny, I especially loved the drums duel between animal and dave grohl

So despite a pretty rough start, if like me you're very attached those very loveable characters, i'd say the show is worth your time, if you can overlook some really bad jokes and storylines, the concept is really fun, the jokes are really funny most of the time, there are great storylines, especially in the second half of the season, and I'm now very sad they couldn't build on the momentum and had to see their show cancelled, it's a shame