#i planted a garden around myself and i am thriving

[holographicceo]

Post about depression under the cut

I have to say that after having been depressed over the past few years, suffering manager burn out, having thoughts about unliving myself, I finally had a break down and hospitalization to get treatment, I feel better. I was in the hospital for three days and I got out and took three months off to do therapy and get meds and appointments done plus get things taken care of to be less overwhelmed. I'm back to work and managing home and work life a lot better. I'm feeling like I can get back to creating. I don't feel like I only have one way out now.

I planted flowers and veggies. I got wood sorrel sprouting. I have a home that feels like it's manageable. My relationships feel better. I'm not feeling so tense and stressed out about everything and I'm not napping almost every day. I'm on a good schedule with meds. (My vitamin D was critically low so that makes a difference.)

I had made a goal for myself this year to reach 50-100k worth of writing and I haven't written in months but I will definitely be getting back to writing soon. Thank you to everyone who has supported me and loved me throughout this year so far. Much love to my besties. They know who they are.

[stardustand-pearls]

Stay?

Peter Pevensie x reader

Masterlist

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

I sat in the garden, picking at my nails, a habit my mother despised. I had just found out that I was betrothed to High King Peter, something that I had suspected for a while now. My siblings had all wed, leaving me as the only unmarried member of my family. The kingdom, once under my father's domain, now thrived under my eldest brother's rule, granted to him upon his marriage with Lady Eleanor of Galma.

I was brought back to reality by my mother's voice. "Y/N!" My mother called out. Startled, I quickly rose and gathered my skirts, going to meet my mother. "What is it, Mother?" I ask, slightly breathless. "Are you prepared?" She asks me, standing with her hands firmly planted on her hips. I meet her eyes, my brows furrowed. "Prepared for what?" I questioned, fidgeting with my dress. With a scoff, my mother acted as though the answer was obvious. "For our trip to Narnia, of course. What else?"

I sat in my carriage, once again picking at my nails whilst idly looking out the window. I passed beautiful scenery, something I couldn't fully appreciate at the moment. "Stop that!" My mother scolded, a deep frown etching her face. "Stop what?" I responded, my face mirroring her expression. "Stop picking at your nails! I lothe that filthy habit. A proper bride would not do such a thing." She sneered.

I firmly place my hands in my lap, biting my lip as an attempt to settle my nerves. The rising anxiety was undeniable. What if King Peter did not care for me? What if he takes one look at me and decided to call off the wedding? With a sigh, I push all those feelings away for now, deciding that dwelling will only make things worse.

After many hours, we finally arrive at Cair Paravel. Peering out the window, my eyes widen in surprise. While I'd heard of this castles breathtaking reputation, I didn't expect this. It wasn't overly decorated with gold, and huge monuments, it was beautiful in it's simplicity.

I open the carriage door, gathering my skirts and jump out. I grab my bags, whilst my mother chooses a different approach, allowing the servants to manage her belongings. While I could have done the same, it wouldn't have felt right, not when I can carry them myself.

When I've placed my bags in my chambers, I look around. It was quite different from my chambers at home, but not necessarily in a bad way. A little while later, I decided that some fresh air would do me good. I look around for my mother, but she is nowhere to be found. Slowly, I make my way to the garden, looking at all the different flowers.

At the sound of a twig snap, I quickly spun around. I saw a tall man, with messy hair that fell into his blue eyes, he wore simple clothing. I recognised him from somewhere, but I couldn't put my finger on where I'd seen him before. "I'm terribly sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, milady." He said, bowing slightly. I offered a slight curtesy back, not knowing whether he was royal or just a stable boy. "Oh, it's alright, I am just exploring the garden. If you don't mind me asking, what is your name?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me. A hint of mischief flashes in his eyes. "I'm no one whose name concerns you, miss." I give him a slight smile, but my mind couldn't help but wonder, who is this mysterious man? He grins at me before offering me a goodbye. He took my hand in his and pressed his lips against it. "Untill we see again, milady." I have no time to respond, for he is gone within seconds.

When I get back to my chambers, I decide on taking a bath. I let Clara, my maid, know. I sit down on my bed, I slowly unravel my braid, thoughts of the man in the gardens lingering. But, alas, there is no rime to dwell. Clara enters the room with some hot water, and fills up my bath. I smile and give a silent thanks before climbing into the water. Clara leaves the room, and I'm left alone with my thoughts until the water turns cold, prompting me to get up and wrap myself in a towel.

As I'm drying off, Clara re-enters the room. "Which dress today, miss?" Clara asks, opening my chest. "The blue one, please. And Clara, I've told you countless of times, call me Y/N." I say, feeling a smile tug at my mouth. "And I've told you countless of times: no." Clara responds, holding up my blue dress, smiling at me. I laugh slightly and nod in acknowledgement. I put on my chemise and Clara assits me with my corset. I must have put a corset on hundreds of times, but I'd never get used to it. Suddenly, my mother enters. "Ah, there you are, my dear. You're scheduled to meet High King Peter in... oh, just fifteen minutes," she informs me, a gleeful smile on her face. "Clara, please tighten her corset." I shoot a disapproving look at my mother, but before I can protest, Clara tightens my corset, apologizing, "Sorry, miss," with a sympathetic smile. I pull my blue dress over my head and leave with my mother.

As we make our way to King Peters study, I wipe my hands om my dress. The nerves that I had repressed sudden made themselves known. My mother and I make our way to his study before Peter, and we wait. "Stand straight, dear." My mother comments, frowning slightly. I sigh but comply. Just as I turn, a familiar face catches my eye—the man from the garden! My initial smile fades into confusion as I notice his regal attire. I blush, realizing my embarrassing mistake in addressing High King Peter as a commoner before. As he approaches, I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the encounter.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

A/N:

Thank you for reading! English is not my first language, so I hope that this is alright! This is the first part of a series I plan on doing. If you liked it, please leave a like. :))

[nancypullen]

Fitness or Fatness

Ugh. I'm healthy, at least on paper. I'm in my 60's and don't require any meds to stay alive. I am a shining example of good luck and good genetics. It's certainly not because I am dedicated to fitness or diet. I mean, I try. I just don't try very hard. I eat healthy, but i am also a fan of tasty snacks. I walk for exercise, but not like I should.

Unfortunately, I am at an age where I really need to make some choices that will keep me healthy and mobile for a long time. Odds are that I'll get quite old (the women in my family live forever) and I want to be able to do the things I like. That's pretty much just gardening and shopping, I'm not trying to run marathons or anything, but still. Having said all of that, the mister and I drove over to Centreville today to check out the new YMCA. It's a big, beautiful facility that offers everything from water aerobics to kickboxing. There are plans in place for an outdoor pool as well. We toured the various sections, talked to the sweetest young woman about membership, and I think we're going to give it a whirl. After my ankle surgery a few years ago I used to water jog in the pool of our nearest rec center. It was such great exercise and so easy on my joints, a doctor recommended therapy. At the Y I'd be able to participate in water aerobics or just take an open lane and water jog. Not gonna' lie, the water aerobics appeal to me because the women in those classes are usually such fun. Potential friends? Back in Tennessee it was sure a fun group. now all I have to do is blow the dust off my swimsuits and see if I can still shove everything into place. I may need counseling afterward. The YMCA in Centerville is about 17 miles from our house - mostly through cornfields. This was a nice surprise during the drive. Sunflowers!

Aren't they beautiful? So cheerful. I hesitate to say that my gardens are trying to rally. I still have the world's healthiest tomato plant that has never produced fruit, but everything else is blooming and looking pretty (finally!). My pumpkin plants are thriving and I'm cautiously optimistic. I've just cursed myself, haven't I? At this point I'd sell my soul for one pretty pumpkin for the grandgirl to pick. Crossing my fingers. That's all my news for this Tuesday evening. Not much happens around here. We're on our sofas, watching the U.S. women's gymnastics team dominate at the Olympics. They're flying through the air and flipping and twisting, powered by sculpted muscle. I'm in my stretchy pants saying, "I think she stepped out on that landing..." Yep, might be time for me to get to the Y and build a little muscle myself. But first, a cookie... I hope you're doing something good for yourself. You deserve it, and you'll be glad you did. No one ever said they regretted making healthy choices. Taking care of your body doesn't mean worrying about pant size or numbers on a scale - it's about feeling good, moving well, and being strong. That's priceless. I don't need to have a snatched waist, I need to be able to hike to the Sacre Coeur in Paris. I don't need to be a size 2, I need to be able to run for a train with my bag. Living the life I want has nothing to do with my figure and everything to do with my health. Take this advice from an old crone, younger ladies - focus on what you want to do and not how you want to look. We live in a society determined to convince us that no matter how we look it is never quite good enough, so just ignore that. Sure, slap on your lipstick and a cute outfit, but anchor all of that with how you feel. All the makeup in the world can't compete with the glow of good health. I'll be honest, I haven't felt great since we moved here. Two years of feeling unwell, or just...not like myself. I blamed covid, I blamed menopause, I researched all sorts of supplements, I did everything except take care of myself. It shows. The good news is that it's not too late. I got sweaty on the treadmill this morning and felt better all day long. It truly is that simple, all we have to do is start. Sending out so much love tonight, I hope you feel it. Take care of yourself. Stay safe, stay well. XOXO, Nancy

[dotster001]

Can I please request a type one (romantic) TWST matchup! I am veryyy outgoing. I make friends really easy and overall I’m a people pleaser. I do get very anxious and overwhelmed easily, which can cause panic attacks. I dont like sports, but I do like studying and my grades are something I take pride in. I overwork myself a lot and I make myself crumble. I thrive in environments where I get to help people. I tend to fall for possessive people because it makes me feel like someone actually likes me, even though they’re toxic. I get a long with people pretty easily though a lot of people have taken advantage of me because I’m naive and overly kind and I do anything in my power to make sure that people like me. I crave validation so I love being praised and takes care of, it makes me feel like I’ve done something right. I really enjoy video games and puzzles cause they challenge my brain. Its very easy to get me to do anything- just tell me “if you do _____ then I’ll be so proud of you.” And I’ll do it-. I am a little chubby with stretch marks and surgical scars. I’m very insecure in my body and I would like someone who would hold me close and let the world fall away. I love the idea of someone rough and tough getting soft and snuggling with me. I have some sensory issues that can cause panic attacks, like loud places/crowds. I prefer someone quiet where I can cuddle with someone or just be in my SO’s presence. I crochet and I recently finished making a blanket! I aspire to be a botanist or a horticulturist because I love plants and gardening! Thank you!!!

(I hope you enjoy this! I feel like yours was one that I figured out relatively quickly)

I match you with Rook Hunt.

First off, I wanted someone assertive for you, who wouldn't take advantage of you, and would make sure you loved yourself. And Rook fits the bill perfectly.

He's very aware of his surroundings and the people around him, so if you start to get overwhelmed he makes sure to get you out of there. If you start putting too much of yourself out so that you can keep other people happy, he'll gently take your hand, and whisper into your ear about how lovely you are, before slowly persuading you to take a break or a step back.

You want validation? Sweetheart, that's all Rook knows! He's constantly complimenting and praising you. Every little thing is his favorite thing about you. And if his words aren't enough, then the scrapbook he's been working on full of photos he took of you will help you see it. Every photo is from his perspective and shows you exactly how he sees you.

He's possessive, but not in a toxic way. Honestly, he's mostly possessive so that you get your fix. (Cause he's also a people pleaser) It's more like, he'll put an arm around your shoulder when you're talking to someone else, and he wants a kiss or to cuddle. (I've said it once, I'll say it again, Rook frequently gets written up for PDA) He usually only does it when he can tell you're feeling a little self doubt, but every once in a while, like if you talk to Vil or Neige and ignore him, he'll genuinely feel a little pouty. In his eyes those are the only two that he thinks are more worthy of you than he is, because they are "perfect".

If you make him a blanket, you'll get him monologuing. He'll go on for hours and hours about the color scheme, about how holding it is like holding you,about how he's going to display it on his wall, about how-you're going to have to stop him if you want to do something else today.

He's going to learn everything about flowers so that he can help you in your dream to become a botanist/horticulturist. His dream is to be your photographer and errand runner when you reach your goal. Oh, petit lapin, he's so very excited for your shared future!

You're playing video games, and Rook is laying on his stomach next to you. You had, obviously, assumed that he was watching the game. Until you defeated a boss, and turned to ask him what he wanted for dinner. That's when you noticed he was just staring at you with a pleasant smile.

"How long have you been," he raised an eyebrow at your question. "Nevermind."

Asking him would just set him off on a rant of how radiant you were. And you were pretty flustered already. No matter how long you were together, his lovesick, all seeing eyes, would never fail to set your heart a flutter. 

He laughed and shifted his way into your lap, nuzzling into you.

"Ma petite fleur, comme votre expression me contrarie," he sighed.

"What?"

"Nevermind," he said with a teasing grin. What did you want to ask me, Mon fleur?"

"What do you want for dinner?" You squeaked out as his scent fully washed over you.

He leaned back a little and booped your nose.

"You."

You squirmed a little, and pouted.

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Do I? How can you be so sure?" 

That damned smile on his face. He was going to be the death of you. Might as well accept it though. Be flustered by the world's greatest hunter is not a bad way to go.

[nixmcretro]

New Year, New Something That Rhymes with Year

Technically I’m still the same, but my hammock is weirdly outdoors. For the first time in years I have an outdoor area. I’m no longer trapped in a box. I hate apartments. At the same time, urban sprawl isn’t good from an environmental standpoint either. Maybe the answer lies in population reduction? I’m doing my part!

We’ve got cicadas out here in the wastelands. The floury baker cicadas are still about, the one above was intercepted from a noisy miner (Manorina melanocephala) but had catastrophic wing damage at the joint. He was laid to rest that same afternoon. Just because something can suffer, doesn’t mean it should. Rest easy little one.

We’ve also held our first barbecue without incident. My diet remains mostly vegan, thanks to reduced pressure on rent. The only big exception is salmon which will probably be replaced eventually again.

The garden though, and being able to have plants outdoors in the sunlight. What a game changer. I’ve made an active decision to let dandelions take over the buffalo grass. They mow down quite well.

Looks better than any buffalo grass I’ve ever seen. Function over form I say. When they are at full growth, they provide pollen for the bees (native and European), harbour lots of little bug jumpers, which in turn feed the lizards that roam the grass. A little sad when a common blackbird (Turdus merula) snaps up a few, but as long as I can keep the bugs plentiful the lizards should thrive.

Not everything has been rosy though. My first plant casualty, lavender. I had high hopes for it, but since I don’t really know what I am doing it kind of died. Farewell lavender.

My native beehives have been doing well, attracting a few different species of native masked bee (Genus Hylaneus) as well as native wasps (possibly Genus Pison). Both are ridiculously tiny and harmless to us.

Then you’ve got the other bugs, like the pictured assassin bug nymph, Pristhesancus plagipennis. It’s ready to drink the brains of the next honeybee that lands nearby.

And now I’m back on the Apple Watch train with my shiny new Apple Watch SE 2. This time around I’ve picked out the smaller of the two and went with the 40mm. And I have to say, I do not miss the bulk of the 44mm. The Apple Watch is a great motivator to stay on track with new year health goals.

Wait that’s not the image I was looking for… that’s more dandelions!

Whoops, that’s another floury baker cicada. I think the several that were in this tree were eaten by the local bat population as they’ve been silent for a while now.

And that’s Stumpie. Tail growth is coming along well. If I find him running about while I’m mowing the lawn I’ll move him into a lizard hotel plastic tub until I’m done.

Don’t look at me like that Stumpie. We don’t want any repeats of how you got the name Stumpie after all!

Then we’ve got this little guy still rocking about, a bar-sided skink (Concinnia tenuis). After being trapped by a redback spider (Latrodectus hasselti). Luckily for the lizard I noticed…

And here’s the data I wanted to show. Weight loss is beginning again. You might notice a drop almost immediately after becoming unemployed, then a spike to >100 kg when I ran out of money thanks to Sydney’s rental market being unaffordable for a single person – let alone an unemployed single person.

Sure, I could have killed myself easily enough but chose to do the paradigm shift thing. Is it enough of a shift? That’s still an unknown at this point. At least for now, there are real life distractions everywhere which seems to leave very little time for uploading videos. Not such a bad thing I guess. That’s not to say I haven’t been recording new footage.

Better go and check the garden is still there and get my 30 minutes of exercise in. Target weight is set at 75 kg this time around. Roughly 20 kg of weight loss to go, and while transitioning. Should be one heck of a ride. 🤷‍♀️

[integratedsoul]

✨WEEK: 5/5/24-5/12/24✨

R.E.P.O.R.T.

How did I ✨REALIGN✨ this week?: 

-podcasts: Ed Mylett with Leila Hormozi "Act from your values, not your feelings"; Ed Mylett solo podcast about fear; Katorina Satori (abundance/intimacy wound) on Youtube; profound on youtube; Dr. Joe Dispenza, body wisdom podcast: 3 steps to get out of freeze mode; human design/ gene keys

-learning about Near Death Experiences on YouTube; miraculously inspiring

What did I ✨EAT✨/ What ✨EXERCISE✨ did I indulge in?: -I planted the garden! I made sourdough discard crackers & pizza, granola, meatloaf with billy, beef tacos, fritzs cinny rolls.. lots of: yogurt bowls, deli sandwiches, & protein shakes.

-took a break from my 'normal' routine; had a bit of a lazy week mentally; still showed up physically everyday. Consistency is how progress shows up. 

What did I ✨PRIORITIZE✨ this week:

-Joining masterclasses: putting myself in the room to learn and be a student, to gain wisdom and insight from others! Commit as my higher self!  5/4: Quantum coaching masterclass w/ Ashley 5/5: pause breath work master class 5/6: thriving in midlife w/ Dr. Edie 5/7: sound engineering with the being method 5/8: billy & I cooked meatloaf cups and dessert on zoom with PA cooking class 5/8: Gerrian Jones breakthrough session 5/10 & 5/11: Tony Robbins Unshakeable business 5/12: Dr. Nicolya human design master class 

What did I ✨OBSESS✨ over this week: 

-writing & editing scripts, recording & posting videos: releasing multiple this week

-masterclasses: favorites from the week: Tony Robbins- unshakeable business & Dr. Nicolya- human design 

-podcasts: favorites: Ed Mylett with Leila Hormozi, Body Wisdom podcast how to get out of freeze; youtube- katorina satori & Dr. Nicolya

What would I ✨RECOMMEND✨ for next week: 

-BOOKS: “It didn't start with you”- Mark Wolymn / psychology around quitting substances/addictions -Allen Carr

-meditation book→ get back into journaling my mediations & continue with morning pages in new book! (get book & decorate it→format the front with: gratitude list, your why, your values)

-morning breathwork practice followed by qigong, tapping, movement 

-profound personalized self care: find a ‘strategy’ that you can use to tap into your intuitive→ MUSCLE TESTING (ask very basic questions that you know the answer to, then see how other questions feel after establishing a “specific” expected outcome)

-dive more into the quantum realm and manifest something small to generate positivity on my journey What did I TRY this week: / or What was your favorite ✨TEACHING✨ you learned?

-BALANCE INSULIN* →main hormone to balance for OPTIMAL health (Dr. Edie)

-"THE BREATH IS THE BRIDGE BETWEEN DIMENSIONS” (Katarina Satori) 

-"JUST COMMIT AS YOUR HIGHER SELF AND ALLOW YOUR HIGHER SELF TO SHOW UP (Garrian Jones)

-“LEADERS ANTICIPATE, LOSERS REACT” (Tony Robbins)

-"FEAR (the unknown) IS ALWAYS PRESENT WHEN I’M DOING SOMETHING WORTH DOING” -Leila Hormozi

-"ALIGN YOUR VALUES AND ACT FROM YOUR VALUES, NOT YOUR FEELINGS" -Leila Hormozi

OTHER NOTES:  1. It’s not about how you feel- it’s about how you react to your feelings- how you react to the parts of yourself that are afraid of the situation!!!!!!  2. Be mindful be smart but also be courageous—> know what serves you and what doesn’t but know what has the potential to serve you    3. Treat yourself like a friend to allow parts of you to change!  4. Do things with courage, you can be scared and still do something, and when you’re finished you realize it wasn’t even scary anyway!! Daily breakdown: 5/5/24→my effort is more than nothing. (breath, qigong, workout) 5/6/24→my life is full of devotion. (breath, yoga, workout, 20 yin) 5/7/24→I have powers in my body. (pickleball, lets up wall) 5/8/24→my love ripples throughout the world. (meditation, workout, garden) (end cycle) 5/9/24→we are one beating consciousness. (run, emotional clearing, hips yoga, meditations) 5/10/24→I am here for the full human experience. (tony robbins unshakeable business) 5/11/24→my life is exactly as I make it. (yoga, workout) 5/12/24→my energy lights up around the safest people in my life. (short breathwork practice, insight timer meditation, qigong, yoga, EFT, workout) 

[deanmekel]

The house

Some days it feels like I am living in a house that is not mine

Like maybe I have rented it from a woman who has lived here for years

She might have the keys to the front door

And in the hallway she puts her coat on the coatrack next to all her other jackets every day when she comes home

 

In the living room, she might’ve put a grey couch in front of tv, with light pink blankets on it and soft cushions to fall into

Maybe I can find books on the shelves, that I have never read but that she knows well and picture frames I might see to be  empty

The houseplants here might be thriving and i’m scared they would die if I have to remember to water them

 

In the kitchen, I might find an oven that I think will blow up if I press the wrong button and a coffee machine but I do not know how it works for I don’t even drink coffee 

And if I open up the fridge, it will be filled with food I do not know how to prepare that might even be out of date

 

Through the window, I might look out in to a garden that she paved with stones

When my favourites are always overgrown

I think she only puts the patio chairs out in summer

Of all the potted plants I might only know the name of one

And when I might look further maybe I will realise she does not have a shed

 

And then if I were to go up the stairs

I might feel the grey carpet under my socks

I wonder what she would do if I spilled a drink here

Or if she can run up them without slipping for I am certain I would

 

Upstairs I might find the bathroom tiled white just like every other

Maybe I could still smell her perfume there

I wonder if she keeps her make-up in the drawer under sink

And maybe her shampoo has the scent of rosemary, a scent that I cannot stand

 

In the bedroom I would find myself last

Her sheets might be adorned with roses

Maybe there would be a photograph of a city I do not know above her bed

I might still find her clothes in the wardrobe and maybe some would fit me but I know most would be too tight on my body

 

I am thinking of selling this house to someone who might like it more

I would put a sign up in the front yard

But then again, is it really mine to sell?

I think I could change it tho

 

I would paint the walls a different colour,

Buy a new couch

The houseplants I would try to keep alive

The coffee machine is the first thing to be sold and replaced with a kettle

I will take all the stones out of the garden and throw seeds all around

I will rip the carpet from the stairs and empty the bathroom drawer

The picture above the bed would be a painting of a mountain in scotland

The wardrobe would now house woollen  sweaters and linnen shirts

 

This is what I would do if I knew the right people

If I had the rights to the house

If tomorrow I would find out she had gone and finally left everything to me

[solosol]

you know what i want to be doing. I want to be growing my own food, not in my garden but in my wild food forest, rejoicing when its time to harvest the fruits of my labour, contemplating the next harvest, and what I might change, but I also want to put in the work, I want to plant the seeds and do whatever it is I'm meant to with the soil. I want to be painting with handmade pigments, however you do that, or locally sourced I don't know. I want to find all the records I really care about and then play them in my room, on a warm summers evening or a cold winter morning.

I want to still make music with the people around me, but just for creation sake, to express and not to become the next viral musician. i still want to take photos of everything and everyone around me. I want to work in a local bookshop where I can advise people about what book to buy next if they are unsure, then make them coffee and ask about their day. maybe start a book club for fun. i want to actually be integrated into a community where I know the people and they know me. they come to my place after a long day for dinner, or maybe to borrow some milk or sugar. i kind of want to build my home and help build the homes of those around me. i want to be able to help in a meaningful way.

i want to be walking barefoot on the ground and letting my toes spread how they should naturally. i want to climb up a tree and smoke a spliff while I watch the sun set or rise. i want to forage some mushrooms and give my leftovers to my neighbours. i want to be feeding the local animals, provide them shelter when they need.

i want to be making communal art, communal love, communal happiness.

although i am eternally grateful for the roof over my head, the warm bed that I sleep in, the food in my stomach, the people around me who inspire me, love me. in this place I am no longer thriving, I don't even want to thrive here because my spirit does not align. all these things I want to do should not be luxury, should not be only afforded to those who can choose not to work. i can't accept that I am expected to work a potentially mind-numbing job, trying to climb higher and higher on an invisible ladder, one that wasn't even made for me. trying to win at a game that I have lost before I even started. the world is falling apart, she has been for a while and I simply refuse to keep doing this. i am not sure how I will remove myself from this matrix* but somehow I will. otherwise, I am sure my mind body and soul will rot here.

this is not a comment on those who choose to follow said path, some have the power, the drive, the will to win, and they will. me...i just simply can not. I thought it was a lack of ambition but i realised i just don't want to kill myself for an idea of happiness. in the end, being a famed photographer or poet or musician or even a revolutionary will not make me happy. as amazing as that would be, and i want to stress some parts of me would love that and do crave that. i know that in the end my soul, my spirit is not intertwined with those paths, i know that i would follow those paths for the image and not for the true purpose. i can find true purpose* in a different way.

again i say all of this but I have no idea how i am going to make this my reality, but somehow i will. i believe i am not going to be here for very long ( i really don't want to be) so sooner rather than later pls

*i hate using this word bacuse honestly its been bastardised

*i dont know what my true purpose is, or what true purpose actually means...its for lack or a better term.

[tkaur09envs3000]

Unit 10: Nature Interpretation and Sustainability

As a nature interpreter, it is my responsibility to treat nature with respect and care when making my observations. Firstly, my values as an individual are what assist me in my ability to make decisions. As someone who has spent much time in nature, I feel that I have seen my fair share of nature being disrespected and uncared for. This is particularly true when looking at areas nearby me. I believe it is important that we treat nature with empathy and understanding (Beck et al. 2019, Chapter 10). I often see people who have littered in nearby open spaces, have cut down trees to make more room for infrastructure and hunt animals recreationally (Hooyokas, n.d). Each of these reasons serves as a further reminder that it is important we work to protect our environment in its entirety as these habits deteriorate our natural environment (Hooyokas, n.d). 

It is my responsibility to preserve nature when making my observations. When out in the fields I always ensure to look rather than touch or remove things from their environment (Hooyokas, n.d). For example, when I was in a first-year biology course, we were asked to go out and document squirrels' behaviours. When carrying out this task, I made sure to keep the homes of these squirrels intact by leaving their nests and food stashes in place. I continued to keep notes and take photos while maintaining a safe distance to allow the squirrel's habitats to remain maintained. In addition to this, as a nature interpreter, I work to act as a silent observer. To me, this means that I work to take in the environment at a slow and steady pace. I take mental note of surrounding features such as the sound of the wind or the movement of plants seeds and fruits in order to help me better understand the movement and behaviours of animals in their habitats. Moreover, this helps me better identify any changes that could be disrupting these patterns. This is evident when looking at areas where trees have been cut down or in places that have fewer areas of higher ground. For this reason, I believe it is imperative that we work towards keeping such elements intact. 

When examining my beliefs I feel that I am someone who greatly emphasizes the importance of appreciating the environment. I make sure to do this by providing care and support to plants around me as that works to nurture other aspects of nature. This helps to ensure that there are great levels of diversity in our flora and fauna. This helps contribute to a healthy and sustainable ecosystem as food chains are able to thrive. Nature interpretation plays a huge role in mental health. (Beck et al. 2019, Chapter 3). I also enjoy spending time in nature as a form of a mental health break as I often find it helps me feel at peace. Particularly, I often do this during midterm and exam season as I feel that it serves as a good break and helps me to refocus after a long day. I do this by taking walks by the forest near my home or by sitting by our local pond. The sounds of the water as well as that of the birds chirping and rustling of animals in the bushes help me feel as though I am more connected to my surroundings. This gives me the opportunity to get away from my busy schedule and get my mind off of the work that I have. I often work to engage in nature interpretation by taking photographs I enjoy being able to reflect back on the moments I have spent in various environments. Moreover, it allows me to share my love for the environment with others. It allows me to share the beauty of natural landscapes through my own lens. 

When looking at my personal approach to nature interpretation I work to incorporate my passion for the environment into aspects of my everyday life. I am someone who loves gardening and plants. I myself have many indoor plants that I like to tend to. In addition to this, I keep an outdoor garden in my backyard full of various plants, including fruits and vegetables. I feel that this hobby allows me to have better control over incorporating healthy foods into my diet. Moreover, it acts as a way of spending quality time with my family. We all enjoy gardening and are able to do so together in the summers while incorporating quality time in nature. I think this is a unique way of appreciating nature as gardening allows us to watch aspects of nature transform and evolve. It shows us that nature is fluid and constantly changing. It reminds us that there are so many forms of life in nature without us realizing it. It encourages me to get in touch with nature through an active role. Another approach I like to take includes that of being in touch with nature. The act of laying out on the grass or swimming in nearby waters allows me to feel physically in tune with the environment 

Nature interpretation itself is a very broad field that works to describe both the intricacies and complexities of the world around us through our observations. This course has allowed me to better understand what it means to be an interpreter while also examining nature through differing lenses of interpretation itself. By ensuring that the respect and integrity of our environment are maintained I believe that I have gained a richer experience when out in the fields. In addition to this, by attempting to take on a multitude of approaches I feel that I have been able to develop an appreciation for nature and help protect it from some of the dangers it faces in our society today.  Overall, much of what we see can be appreciated as well as presented in various forms.

References

Beck, L., Cable, T.T., and Knudson, D.M. (2018). Interpreting cultural and natural heritage: For a Better World. Sagamore

Publishing. Hooykaas, A. (2024). Unit 10: Nature Interpretation’s Role in Environmental Sustainability. University of Guelph.

[princepsumbra]

21. A memory of the first time they did an activity they love

Journal Entries

Early Spring, year xxxx

Six months have passed since I first acquired Brynhildr. It's unlike any tome I've ever wielded before; the power of gravity and life rests inside its ancient pages. Mastery will take time. There are precious few records on previous users, so in this, as with most things, I'm alone.

Some weeks ago, I was touring the gardens when it occurred to me a real life example of growth, of life, is right there. Today, the groundskeepers were gracious enough--albeit perplexed--to show me a small section of the gardens I can use for myself. The soil has finally softened enough from the winter frost that digging won't prove an issue. I planted a row of white roses under careful tutelage.

Never before did I give the flora around me more than a passing thought. Even now, with the remnants of soil under my fingernails (despite vigorous washing), I'm not sure what all the fuss is about, but I admire a man with encyclopedic knowledge of his craft. Now it seems my progress with Brynhildr will be measured by the growth of a few roses.

--------------------------

Late Spring, year xxxx

My roses bloomed today.

Adding their care to my routine was an adjustment, one I wasn't sure was worth the effort. In this, I was happy to be proven wrong. Knowing that they thrived because of my hands feels like I've achieved something wholly unique to me. This was not spurred on by any feelings of surpassing my siblings. An experiment, nothing more, with incredibly favorable results.

I have made decent progress with Brynhildr as well. No longer does the magic feel so unknowable. I can envision the stages of growth with more clarity, though I am still far from perfect. I believe I'll continue my studies in botany--both for my magical skill and my own enjoyment. This new hobby won't fade.

Perhaps I'll plant a row of edelweiss next.

[student-in-nightraven]

Can I please request a romantic TWST matchup! I am veryyy outgoing. I make friends really easy and overall I’m a people pleaser. I do get very anxious and overwhelmed easily, which can cause panic attacks. I dont like sports, but I do like studying and my grades are something I take pride in. I overwork myself a lot and I make myself crumble. I thrive in environments where I get to help people. I tend to fall for possessive people because it makes me feel like someone actually likes me, even though they’re toxic. I get a long with people pretty easily though a lot of people have taken advantage of me because I’m naive and overly kind and I do anything in my power to make sure that people like me. I crave validation so I love being praised and takes care of, it makes me feel like I’ve done something right. I really enjoy video games and puzzles cause they challenge my brain. Its very easy to get me to do anything- just tell me “if you do _____ then I’ll be so proud of you.” And I’ll do it-. I am a little chubby with stretch marks and surgical scars. I’m very insecure in my body and I would like someone who would hold me close and let the world fall away. I love the idea of someone rough and tough getting soft and snuggling with me. I have some sensory issues that can cause panic attacks, like loud places/crowds. I prefer someone quiet where I can cuddle with someone or just be in my SO’s presence. I crochet and I recently finished making a blanket! I aspire to be a botanist or a horticulturist because I love plants and gardening! Thank you!!!

I match you with..

..

...Jamil!

You remind him of kalim but thankfully he loves being around you, atleast someone is responsible enough to care about their grades;

Makes you feel safe and assured that he only has his eye out for you;

Since kalim got kidnapped a lot in his childhood Jamil was there to comfort him, which is why whenever you have panic attacks he's there and knows how to comfort you;

You often tend to help him cook even tho he tells you it's fine and that you don't have to but you still do so, pretends to be annoyed but inside he can feel butterflies:

Always praises you and makes sure you know you're valid, pets your head very often;

Makes you feel very safe, whenever his free he cradles you in his arms, puts his head on your shoulder and hums happily

Thank you for the request dear annon, may you have a wonderful week<3

[sucktacular]

venting ignore me cw covid, covid-death, existential dread, depression, illusion to suicide/self harm etc

we really are on the wrong timeline huh

every since 2019 (at the very least) NOTHING has been the same and I'm scared to death that it never will be. even close to it.

and i say this so so selfishly, because of COURSE it will never be the same!! MILLIONS of people DIED!!!! they literally woke up one day and died the next. wars and wars and hurt and torn political climates, etc etc etc etc etc etc its never ending

but from where I am, in my own little world, nothing has ever gone back to okay. im trapped in my house. my brain doesnt settle and my desires are secondary to keeping myself propped up. ive never been objectionably alright, and thats important to remember as well, but that feeling really lingers.

you know when we were teenagers and we swore up and down to ourselves that when high school ended we would some how die? that that was the end and there was no continuing? whether that was a self inflicted plot against ourselves or just the fear of the unknown, it had weight and it dragged with us even after. I escaped it for a while, kept my head up and kept myself busy and tended to my desires. but i was never good at trimming off the excess. Of spoon feeding myself nutrition or shading myself from the storms. ive always been neglectful of myself even when I've been selfishly present. and sure i can blame that on money for sure. when you lack the funds to tend to your needs and tend to your downfalls and tend to your selfish little wants it draaags you and it claws at your meat and it sloughs off your bones.

i survived high school and left everything behind, as I always have done. I took some time to heal after cutting people out and then I went to school. I felt good I felt right I felt promising. And then I crashed back down immediately. It took me years to pick myself back up and I never really stood up quite as straight. Then I had a job and lived with my parents. it was freeing but I needed to Leave. It was horrid and it was life sucking. I left and I was in panic for money for 4 years. It was freeing but it cut into my skin like ill fitting shoes. I was a robot only alive to finish my work, come home, and return to my charging closet to do it all again the next day. Now we're two years later of Nothing and my bones are poking through itching and itching and itching. but, really, at the end of all of these chapters in my life, my bones and brain have been clawing inside me since i was 5.

I feel like the clouds are booming overhead and the rain is just a millasecond away. that darkness around you and the smell has been lingering for 3 years at the very least. and everyday ive remarked "it's going to rain soon" like I'm 10 again, but theres no excitement left in my throat.

the easy answer is The Mental Illness needs treatment. The dirt ive grown my garden in is tainted and poison, it all needs to be ripped up and dug out and replaced. but i feel too that as much as I've always tried, since the first time my doctor told me "depression" and handed me those little rattling capsules. but its molded over and the weeds grow back and the slugs eat away my plants and ants make their homes deep inside me.

and i say all that and i still have my shiny little speck of hope that maybe im wrong and that maybe ill get better and maybe ill be okay for a while more and that things will be okay and that maybe one day i can have a flourishing garden and maybe it'll be beautiful and maybe it can even feed me and give back to my heart. and that maybe I'll have enough to give to the people I love and the people I care for and the people I want to surround myself with. but it feels like its getting harder to agree with myself that the hope really even is there anymore. i feel like i rip up my garden time and again and at this point its for the catharsis more than an attempt at healing.

i want to thrive and i want to bloom and i want to grow so tall, feel as strong and powerful as I did for a few moments in my life. but how do you even begin to overcome the Dread Of It All? I know, again, the mental illness will drain you out and fill you with poison. fill you with false ideas and false promises of terrible futures and terrible presents. but at the same time... I feel like it'd be so delusional to not feel this way?

i think one of the worst parts of a sick mind is knowing youre sick, to see yourself rot and mold and wither, and being absolutely powerless to stop it. thats why im so scared all the time. thats why I've been screaming in vents and readmores and even those embarassing facebook statuses filled with carefully curated lyrics no one cared about but only to give a chuckle and say "chin up, eeyore". its not the people. its not the places. its not so much leaving my safe spaces. because i know these spaces arent keeping me safe and well. but its the fear of Getting Worse and NOT being able to pick myself back up this time. its the fear of Ruining myself, my life, my everything with one wrong move. It's like trying to sleep with a nightlight, knowing that one day the bulb will flicker out and I'll have to either be brave enough for the dark or i'll have to be quick enough to replace that light. I've been reaching for nothing every day and night, and sometimes i find a hand to grab on to, but it always loses its strength. whether a fault of my own or a fault of time.

and i was simply never that brave. im only good at keeping my head down and hoping it away. but that doesnt fix me. im still so scared all the time.

im tired. im so tired. im a coward and thank god for that. it lends me more time, but im not quite sure its worth it.

and i think one of the worst things is the crowds asking me "what is your dream?" "what is your plan?" "what do you want from life?". and its the worst not because I don't have an answer, but because no one really understands where I'm coming from when I say it. No one quite gets it, they laugh it off, they say "oh thats everyones dream". The answer has been the exact same since I was old enough to really understand what it meant to hold it. and old enough to know that I'll always get a laugh or a chuckle or a brush off the shoulder when I let it leave my mouth.

"I want nothing more in the world than to be happy one day."

and of course everyone wants that. and of course everyone says that. and of course that doesnt quite Answer Your Question The Way You Expected. But it speaks deeply and it speaks my entire existence into frame. Why doesn't anyone hear it and understand what it means to be nearly 30 and have such a basic need of a dying wish?

I get it. it sounds dramatic. it sounds pathetic. it sounds silly. it sounds laughable and it sounds like its not been well thought out. Sure. And maybe when I was 10 and said that, it was a bit moody. it was a bit edgy. it was a bit needy. And when I said it when I was 13 it continued to be a joke to everyone and i laughed along with you nervously. But by 17 I understood deeply that I had never been happy. The closest things I ever felt to happiness at 17 also tore me to pieces. and sure, no one is free from bad things. maybe im just not the right person to be doing what I was trying to do. thats okay. sure i can grow out of that awkward 17 year old frame and I did and I got older and i got bigger and i stood more confidently and i spoke more freely. I wasn't 17 anymore when I was 20. I thought I was better, everything pointed to a future and a possibility of being okay. but I got worse and I got worse fast. I was 21 and I beat my fists on my sink and i stared myself hard in the face. i couldn't see but I couldnt think either. i growled like i was steaming over and had no choice in the matter.

"I want nothing more in the world than to be happy one day."

im not so alone anymore and i dont feel my heart twang that awful awful pain quite as much. but my wish stays the same. and maybe thats my fault for making it so vague and so misunderstand-able (thats not a word is it? lol). but how can i even move past that to plan and to dream and to really hunger for progress when, at the very core of my body, at the very core of my being, i've wanted nothing more in the world than to be happy.

i really thought for so long that maybe happiness meant a person, but ive kind of always known thats probably not the case.

i want to be loved. i want to be known deeply. i want my company desired. i want my words to be welcomed. and i want to stop screaming to a void.

and again maybe thats my fault. maybe im so entrenched in my own mind that I can't let people in. but I'm still 4 years old crying for my mom. im still 13 on the carpet of my basement, begging for someone to hear me. im still 16 begging for people to give me their time and affection, not really knowing what the really really honestly meant to ask of your peers as a 16 year old. im still 17 holding back tears on the bus ride home, telling myself "its worth the pain to have a moment of being "wanted"." im still writing lyrics in my statuses in my head and im still hugging myself to feign a piece of tender company.

im deeply alone in myself, whether thats the truth of reality or not.

"I want nothing more in the world than to be happy one day."

it means everything but its laughable. thats just kind of me though, right? laughable entirely, lol

[attheexactlyrighttimeandplace]

happy belated birthday 🥰 wish i would have realised it yesterday when i was messaging you! wishing you joyful and fascinating times doing what you love (e.g. reading books), nice and cool weather, and good health and good luck!

as for the orchid: i had one some years ago and i mistreated it because i didn't know much about plants and was too absent-minded to take care of it properly, however it did okay and lived a few years! i didn't neglect it but i didn't take care of it as advised either. at the same a few friends' and family member's orchids died quite soon even though they did everything according to books. like my mom says, curiously plants often thrive better when mistreated rather than over-treated. hope the orchid doesn't stress you out too much but like others have said, plant death is a part of the cycle of life.

Thank you (and a thousand apologies for the late response, I only saw your response this morning and was unavailable until now) both for your good wishes and your vibes!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

I should be ashamed of how many books I already own and haven't read but panic drove me yesterday to treat myself, so I bought some new books (used books so it's less bad), the weather has been much cooler and I'm in better health: I can breathe without having to stay near a fan, I can sleep at night and even do my housework. I am definitely on my way to happiness as defined by me. :)

I suspect you're someone with a natural gift for caring for plants and gardens (flowers or vegetables), based on the fact that your first instinct in your new home was to grow some of them. People like you are naturally protective of plants, and as silly as it sounds, I'm convinced that plants "know" this on some level and thrive in such presence. So they don't die around you and even a lighter care routine is enough to keep them alive.

Something inside me resists the idea that it's the normal cycle of death, because it feels like a liability. Maybe it's because I didn't choose it and it happened in my life at a time when even little things are complicated, so adding a new one to the list of things that depend on me becomes a big deal?

Another supportive Tumblr friend suggested below my last post to name the orchid to create a stronger bond with it and I totally endorse this great idea.

I'm fully armed now: with videos and articles and people on this site I can come back to for more personalized advice; so let's go: let's save my new friend Orchid from the evil curse of having an incompetent human guardian!

[nancypullen]

Hello?

Anyone still here? I don't even remember the last time that I posted. The job is consuming me and I'm looking for reasons not to quit. There, I said it. It's too many hours and I have no life. I don't have time to do a single thing that I enjoy. It's definitely taking a physical toll on me - sciatica, ankle issues, etc. BUT (and isn't there always a but?) I'm stuffing money into my savings, I enjoy my lovely coworkers, and there is potential to do more things that I think I'd be good at...my displays are a hit, the children's librarian is making noise about having me do some storytime activities, and I'm getting better at the things that I found daunting when I started. The library is a comfortable place for me, I just wish they'd cut me back to true part-time, 20 hours a week or less. I wanted a small job where I could meet people and do some good. I didn't want to hand over all of my waking hours. Having said that, I should admit that I've had a lovely string of three days off. Mostly because I had the week from Hell with only Sunday off prior to that. I'm 60, I'm not built for long days and late nights anymore. Only a granny would consider working until 8 pm a "late night". In my youth anything before midnight was considered early. Every night when I get off work my watch congratulates me for being active 9 out of 9 hours.

I don't even want to do anything that feels good for nine hours, let alone stooping, lifting, walking, carrying, pushing carts, and maxing out my smile muscles. Something has to change but I can't bring myself to be a quitter. I hate to quit something that I'm good at, but I hate missing out on my life even more. Now that I've whined about that - what's new with you? Tried any new recipes? Gone somewhere fun? Getting excited about the feel of SPRING in the air? I'm itching to poke around in the gardens. My tulips are all up and look exceptionally healthy, so we should have a burst of color soon. Robins have been singing to us and there's a woodpecker making noise daily which is a sure sign of spring. When the males start drumming they're claiming territory and looking for a Mrs. The birds and squirrels seem generally happier, like they've been waiting for those first sweet daffodils to appear and wake up the earth (maybe that was just me). Any way you slice it, Old Man Winter is packing his bags. He can be slow and stubborn about leaving, sometimes giving us a last blast, but he's definitely departing. We'll set our clocks forward on the 10th and it's going to be so nice to leave work at 6:15 or so and enjoy a little daylight. I miss getting some sunshine during the day. During my lunch break I go down to the wharves by the Choptank River just so I can see some sky and soak up a little vitamin D. Turns out I am definitely solar powered. In other spring news, I ORDERED A ROSE BUSH. That's probably not big news to most folks, certainly not worthy of capital letters, but this one is special. I've wanted one for a while, couldn't find it (at least not at a price I was willing to pay) and if we leave this house I'm going to dig it up and take it with me. It's a Zephirine Drouhin rose. She's a deep pink climbing rose, very fragrant, very hearty, will even thrive in shade (I'm guessing it might not bloom as much) and, best of all, it's thornless!

She's going to be planted in a sunny corner where she can climb all over my little porch nook. I'm so excited! Of course the picture above is a long way off for me. When mine arrives it will look like this...

Never say I'm not a dreamer. I'm positive that this is in my future. Honestly, how could I resist this?

Description

Intoxicating Raspberry Fragrance

Introduced in 1868 and a favorite ever since, Zephirine Drouhin Climbing Rose is a romantic, fantastically fragrant, old-fashioned rose that is still one of the most popular climbers today. No modern rose has been able to exceed it for sheer performance, rich raspberry scent, and generous season-long bloom, and if you make Zephirine Drouhin Climbing Rose part of your landscape, you will treasure its beauty and generosity of bloom.

Peaking in spring and fall, the loose, double blossoms of vivid cerise-carmine provide outstanding mass effect. Each bloom is about 4 inches across, opening from a long, pointed bud and made up of 20 to 24 richly colored petals that are infused with a strong, evocative raspberry scent. Just one flower is a delight, so you can imagine what a vaseful looks and smells like.

This old French Bourbon rose grows vigorously to 15 to 20 feet high and 4 to 6 feet wide and, remarkable for any rose, performs well in part shade. Zephirine Drouhin Climbing Rose is an excellent choice for north-facing walls and areas with little sunlight. Zephirine Drouhin Climbing Rose will continue to bloom in summer, but its heaviest showing will usually be in the cooler temperatures of spring and fall.

The rich, medium-green foliage (coppery-purple when young) is very mildew resistant, and the canes are thornless, making Zephirine Drouhin Climbing Rose great for planting where traffic is heavy or children are nearby. This classic, time-tested climbing rose is the perfect choice to train over a trellis or porch, or trim into a formal hedge. Plant in moist, well-drained, loamy soil. I mean, what more could I ask for from a rose bush? Raise your hand if you think my optimism is setting me up for huge disappointment. I can't help myself. It's like my love affair with hydrangeas - they often break my heart but I can't give up on them. I'm sure that Zephirine and I will become besties. I have no other news to share because I can't really talk to you about funny library moments/patrons. This town is too small for me to try to change names to protect the innocent - people would know. I doubt anyone around here knows I have a blog but I'd rather not chance angry villagers in my yard with torches. I suppose I could talk about the rude elevator repair guy who has been in the building for at least two weeks with no end in sight. Our elevator was due for a complete overhaul so that's what's happening. The foreman on the job is a Trumpy, rude, misogynistic jerk. I said what I said. It's not just me, other employees who have dealt with him say the same. It's something every day. Last Wednesday I was setting up my displays for the month of March and he started making noise about the Women's History Month display. I gave him my steeliest gaze and told him that he is vastly outnumbered and to tread lightly. Then the jerk points at a book and said something along the lines of, "Why is that book there?" I saw what he was pointing at (Kamala Harris bio) but decided to make him say it. So I asked which book he meant, he muttered, "second shelf, far right". I responded, "OH. THE VICE-PRESIDENT? That's history." accompanied by a look that dared him to say more. He walked off and I admit that I was surprised that he wasn't dumb enough to be wearing $400 gold sneakers sold to him by a certain con man. My display was filled with books on amazing women - women in science, women in the arts, women in the military, women from all walks of life and political persuasions. The only thing that didn't belong was a narrow-minded doofus, so I got rid of him. I can't wait for the elevator work to be completed but I admit that I don't want to be the first one to use it. He really doesn't like us. It's probably not just us, I get the feeling that he goes through life like that. That went negative, didn't it? From gushing about roses to wanting to squash a bug of a man. Oops. Speaking of men, Mickey is waiting for lunch and then I think we're going to go poke around at the auction house. I'll make salads for dinner and then do a little meal prep for the week ahead. I'm back at work tomorrow after some lovely days off, so I need to get myself mentally prepared. The Edgewaters came over this weekend and the grandgirl was quite entertaining - lots of playing, fort building, reading, and fun. It was nice to have that family time. Alright, I'm outta' here. I hope that this blog post finds you smack dab in the middle of a good day. I hope that you're content, and that you're taking care of yourself. Feed your body good food, feed your mind good thoughts, and treat your heart with tenderness. Stay safe, stay well, spring forward! XOXO, Nancy

[bayleebubble]

Setting boundaries is hard.

I had recently set some boundaries which sadly meant cutting contact with this person. It’s not easy. Even after completing cutting off others before, the hurt is still there. The hurt of losing a potential relationship,no matter the type, is like planting a seed . You never know if the seed will grow and blossom into something new. Yet you plant one anyways, and tend to it as needed. With time, the seed may grow or it may not. In this case, the seed grow, yet as it grew it started to spread into the garden hindering the other plants ability to grow. You chose to cut the plant out of the garden. As you do, you get cuts from the thorns of the plant, you also see nubs of flowers that where to blossom on this plant. Sadly, this plant won’t get to blossom as it not beneficial to the garden. My heart hurts looking at the plant that will never blossom, however the rest of the garden is now thriving again. I must take care of my garden. I must take care of myself.

I learned in this time around to I need to listen to my gut when it comes to people. And I need to set better boundaries around myself, my time, and energy. I let this person into my life and it consumed me. Some boundaries I need to be hardest on is not be available 24/7, limiting how/who can contact me.

This is not easy for me. For others it would be so simple and easy to keep these boundaries, and not allow anyone to bend these. For me it is hard as I have this gnawing at my heart, guilt. This is mindset I will need to change. It will take time. And that’s okay. I am glad I just recognized this time around before it got too toxic.

If you are struggling with deciding to go no contact, ask yourself. Is this plant healthy for my garden?

[flaringfoxsoul03]

@sleepy-kat14 asked me this:

Can I please request a romantic TWST matchup! I am veryyy outgoing. I make friends really easy and overall I’m a people pleaser. I do get very anxious and overwhelmed easily, which can cause panic attacks. I dont like sports, but I do like studying and my grades are something I take pride in. I overwork myself a lot and I make myself crumble. I thrive in environments where I get to help people. I tend to fall for possessive people because it makes me feel like someone actually likes me, even though they’re toxic. I get a long with people pretty easily though a lot of people have taken advantage of me because I’m naive and overly kind and I do anything in my power to make sure that people like me. I crave validation so I love being praised and takes care of, it makes me feel like I’ve done something right. I really enjoy video games and puzzles cause they challenge my brain. Its very easy to get me to do anything- just tell me “if you do _____ then I’ll be so proud of you.” And I’ll do it-. I am a little chubby with stretch marks and surgical scars. I’m very insecure in my body and I would like someone who would hold me close and let the world fall away. I love the idea of someone rough and tough getting soft and snuggling with me. I have some sensory issues that can cause panic attacks, like loud places/crowds. I prefer someone quiet where I can cuddle with someone or just be in my SO’s presence. I crochet and I recently finished making a blanket! I aspire to be a botanist or a horticulturist because I love plants and gardening! Thank you!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are so adorable, you know? I thought I wouldn’t have the pleasure of finding darlings such as yourself, but I have the match for you.~

Trigger warnings: Anxiety, toxic traits (kind of)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I match you with…

Leona Kingscholar!

————————————

It’s no secret how you guys met, but then again, he didn’t really meet you until you got kicked out of your dorm because of Grim. It’s only a few conversations here and there about him and always him, but it’s like a whole new era like the sun rising and setting in the Sunset Savannah when he truly meets you as you. Not the super non-magical human you’ve always been made out to be

While he displays toxic traits on the outside, he’s not that heartless as everyone makes him out to be. You know that better than anyone when helping him out during his own hard times during the Magift Interdorm Tournament. He just sees the resources in front of him just begging to be used in a resourceful way, even if it’s underhanded. If you want to help Ruggie run around and keep the Savannahclaw’s dorm in peak performance, knock yourself out. He does not care unless one of his idiot peers that are beneath him decide to rough house with you too hard. Then it’s staying in his room or the Botanical Gardens for the rest of the day

I headcanon personally (only because I haven’t seen it in-game or see anyone talk about it yet) that Ruggie often has panic attacks here and there because he’s taking in so much responsibility and he’s got to worry about all his family at home that he just launches himself into a really downward spiral. This is where Leona really got good at taking care of people with spiraling anxiety. Especially his S/O, someone that definitely deserves more love than the world could give them. He’s just a very grounding person in general as he keeps it real, but he’s more of a problem solver after it’s said and done and would prefer to find solutions to your issues

He’s great at stopping you from overworking yourself and you getting him to do some of remedial work he already has accumulated within the first week of this month. But he’s fighting fire with fire sometimes and Jack has to remind with his unofficial Vice House Warden that fire is sometimes (let him have the ‘aha!’ moment please) better fought with water. He learned that telling you that’d he’d be really proud of you if you went to sleep and spend time with him instead of working yourself to death, he almost fell out of his bed with how quick you threw yourself into his unsuspecting arms. Had a good laugh about it as soon as he shook himself from all the shock he managed to do

After that tidbit of information revealed itself, he actively uses this both to better you and sometimes against you, but only after he made you establish boundaries with this. Another mad power trip is not something the poor beastman wants to experience again, so he’s setting up safety measures to prevent him from hurting you (I mean, he does want to be in control of power, but not at the expense of you getting hurt). Really loves how fast you’ll do anything to please him when in reality he loves you. You sparkle like jewels in the sun when he convinces (manipulates) you into another nap with him

Killing two birds with one stone, he prefers quiet places over loud places and really loves napping with you any chance he gets. The most loud you’re going to get is when he’s playing Magift matches. Other than that, it’s pretty quiet as he usually prefers space over crowds. Leona also doesn’t see why you don’t like your own body, he thinks its just fine. He won’t touch your scars unless you give him permission every time, he knows he doesn’t love having his eye scar and others touched by others without his consent, why should it be any different with you? He also likes that you’re a bit chubby, thinks it makes you a squishy pillow (one of the best pillows in his opinion I might add). Gives him great gripping material for when he doesn’t want to let you go~

He really does appreciate your own intellect, despite being a people pleaser most of the time, he thinks you’re really good at keeping him engaged as he tends to check out before 1/4 of a usual conversation as it bores him. He wants you to feel like you can accomplish your dreams, so he opts to be in the Botanical Gardens for you to be able pursue your studies more effectively. Since you haven’t met most of the flora in his world, he’ll teach you about what they don’t tell you in the books you’ve managed to gather. Will even help you cultivate some of his homeland’s flora in Savannahclaw so you can see the beautiful flowers that he has the luxury to see everywhere he goes in his place

Overall, he’s your protector and problem solver when you can’t and you’re his motivator and lover. Without people really knowing what your relationship with Leona is like, they’re more likely to assume it’s like the bad boy and the good girl vibes. In reality, it’s really soft and pleasant to be around in your guys little atmosphere. Just don’t give Leona a reason to throw anyone’s ass off a cliff, he won’t hesitate if they hurt you in any way

=================

The follow ups are:

Jack Howl

And

Rook Hunt

————————————

That’s it folks! See you next time!

~Fox