#i paid my bill in full last january

[lunar-fandoms]

Why the fuck is insurance and medical bills so fucking stupid

[ktsumu]

RESOLUTIONS (this year is different) tw: alcohol consumption

This year, you wait for January in an apartment that is packed full.

You’re familiar with everyone, for the most part, all people who have played with Ushijima over the years, all people you’ve watched in one jersey or another. Everyone is laughing, happy — even Wakatoshi himself who, normally quite reserved, laughs with one of his teammates, a glass half-full in hand.

This year is different, you tell yourself. 

You know that, whenever you're all drunk enough to call it a night, you’ll call a cab and go home, probably kiss on the way there. He’ll lean on the bathroom counter and giggle while you smear your makeup away with a wipe, then take it from you and do it himself. He’ll be so much worse at it, but he’ll be gentle, and you’ll let him.

This year, you’re going to let yourself be loved. You’re excited to let him.

You watch Wakatoshi from your place on the couch, a small smile on your face. Happy looks good on him; he’s handsome when he’s free. His smile gives him lines around his mouth, his eyes crinkle. His laugh is saccharine. 

He doesn’t notice you’re watching, either, it’s not often he does. It’s not hard to be subtle — your eyes typically find him, anyway, golden boy wherever he goes.

This year, I’m going to let myself be loved.

You met him years ago, sort of in a situation like this. You were both in a bar in Tokyo, you think, and he stuck out like a sore thumb; freshly twenty and new to this, surrounded by teammates who made it obvious he’s never been to a bar before.

They also made it obvious he was new to a lot of things, likely why they made it so obvious in how they were jabbing his side with their elbows, nodding to you sat a few seats down. Go talk to her, she’s totally into you, she’s pretty!

(He didn’t even talk when he first sat down — you offered him a shot he probably needed and he took it.)

The rest is history.

It feels weird to think about going home. Home. You live with him, the bills get paid. He has smile lines and stretch marks on his shoulders. He’s going to take your makeup off for you because he’s seen you in every way you come. You have a house and you have a home — your friend said she thinks he might propose this year.

Growing pains are scarier when they’re not in your knees.

You only notice he’s moved when the couch sinks beside you. Wakatoshi sits next to you, a close-lipped smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, and he rests a hand on your thigh.

“Are you okay?” he asks, and it’s just the two of you.

You look over his face, his flushed cheeks. You smile, too. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

Wakatoshi is gentle when he guides you towards him, his hand on your nape, kissing you like you’ve never done it before. He tastes like Tennessee, and like a resolution. 

This year, I’m going to kiss him more.

“I love you,” he murmurs. “I’m glad I’m here with you.”

Whatever dread you carried before, it’s going away now.

“You are?” you tease, pulling back to really look at him. An anonymous hand walks by and ruffles his hair, like he’s scoring his first girl, and carries on. He doesn’t look up. 

“Very.”

“Mm,” you hum, leaning your head on his shoulder. “I guess I’m glad I’m here with you, too.”

“I mean, I would hope so.”

“Hah,” you snort, “I’m excited to go home, too.”

He scoffs, as if he isn’t typically the reserved one; as if he wasn’t the one you had to convince to make a show here. “You want to get out so soon?”

“What, you’re not excited to deal with me at home?” you giggle, craning your head to look up at him. “Not excited to spend, like, a fat hour getting ready for bed?”

He snickers again, taking a sip of his drink. He squints like he drank it too quickly. 

“Like last year?”

“Yup. Except, I don’t know about the last part. I’m gonna pass out the second I hit the mattress, ‘Toshi.”

“That’s okay, I’ll tuck you in.”

Your chest warms, and you both laugh. One of you starts it, but you don’t remember who.

“You’re gonna tuck me in and take my makeup off, huh?”

“Like last year,” he confirms. “And get you water — get us both water,”

“Mm, you’ll need it, big guy.”

“I am fine.”

“Yeah, I know. As long as you can see where my face is, that’s good enough for me.”

“I can find it blind,” he says simply, smoothing your hair back and out of your face. “But yes, I can see it fine.”

You smile all crooked — he tilts his head like he wants to see it upright. 

“We’re gettin' older, huh ‘Toshi?”

“That is how years work, yes.”

“Going home,” you say; your thoughts are all out loud. “Going to bed.”

He smiles — he loves it. “Unless you want to stay out?”

“No, no, I want to. I’m just,” you take a deep breath, “thinking. This’ll be how many years?”

“Not enough,” he says simply. “I wanna do this forever.”

“Hah, well, I have no doubt your body could sustain years of New Years Eve parties—”

“I meant going home,” he interrupts. “Taking off your makeup, getting you water, and kissing you goodnight.”

Your heart swells to the point of being uncomfortable, the lump in your throat impossibly there. His hand hasn’t left your thigh, it hasn’t risen higher, it just sits there. His touch is warm like a swaddle, unmoving. It’s so familiar that you lean into it like you're being carried to bed.

Wakatoshi grins; it’s crooked and you tilt your head to see it upright. “Every year, I think I love you a little more.”

(The dread you had is gone now — why you ever had it, you don’t know for sure.)

This year is different, you tell yourself. This year, you’re gonna grow.

There’s a cheer throughout the room, all this laughter becoming a dull muffle when the room seems to reach the sound capacity the little space has. There’s kazoos, glass clinking, goofy hats falling to the floor — people are singing:

“Happy new year, love,” he murmurs, and he captures your lips again.

This year, I’m gonna grow.

I’m gonna let him love it, and maybe I’ll love it, too. 

[jmdbjk]

Jimin's mail

I would like to take this opportunity to address the Jimin's "stolen" mail incident and perhaps dispel some misinformation circulating about it in this day and age of shouting sabotage for everything.

This whole topic might be boring to everyone, but my brain won't let go of it so here it is:

This incident occurred early 2022.

For reference: Jimin purchased his apartment at Nine One Hannam in May 2021. It was a brand new building and he is the first owner of his unit. He paid in cash approx. $4.5 million USD.

In January 2022 this apartment unit was seized temporarily by the South Korea National Health Insurance agency (NHI) due to unpaid insurance premiums.

Boring but important: South Korea provides universal healthcare which is funded several ways including citizens paying a percentage of their monthly income. These premiums also fund the Medical Aid program for those who cannot pay.

The controversy: According to the NHI, Jimin was sent four notices by registered mail of his unpaid insurance premiums. But somehow, this correspondence from the NHI never made it to Jimin. BigHit took full responsibility for this "mishandling of the mail". A portion of the BigHit statement reads:

"Regarding this matter, the company is the first to receive all mail that arrives at the artists’ dorms, and in the process of relaying it to the artist, a portion of the mail was omitted by mistake. Due to Jimin’s activities abroad starting at the end of last year, his extended period of rest, and his scheduled activities abroad after that, he was unaware of matters such as [his premiums] being overdue. As soon as he found out, he paid the arrears in full, and at present, the situation has been resolved. We apologize for the fact that we have given the artist and fans cause for concern due to our company’s negligence."

Another source stated that some mail does go directly to members' homes and is retrieved by company staff where it is included with mail sent in care of the company which is then distributed to the respective member if necessary. This corroborates with the above statement by Bighit.

In an artist/agency relationship, one of the things the agency (company) provides are staff/managers who MANAGE their day-to-day business. Managers make it so artists can lead the crazy lives they live. Makes sense as the members are too busy to take care of mundane things like paying bills.

Was REGISTERED mail taken/intercepted/stolen four times from the mail room at BigHit/HYBE? I don't have clarification on that. But seems like taking someone's registered mail would be a punishable crime.

What was going on during this time: The group was on a winter break that began early December 2021 after their activities in Los Angeles concluded. Jin, Jimin and Jungkook returned to Korea almost immediately and entered self-quarantine for ten days before they were free to do what they wanted within the scope of Covid restrictions.

Refreshing everyone's memory about Bangtan and Covid: Dec. 24: Yoongi tests positive for Covid. Dec. 25: Jin and Namjoon test positive. Jan. 30: Jimin's Covid happens simultaneously with appendicitis. Feb. 15: Tae tests positive. Mar. 24: Hobi goes down for the count. Mar. 27: last but definitely not least, JK AFTER arriving in Vegas.

The members, including Jimin, were starting to post on their individual Instagrams in December. Between Dec. 21 to Jan. 9, Jimin posted photos of himself on both Instagram and Weverse at various places from his visit to Jeju Island. We don't know about the timing of the photos, whether they were posted immediately after he snapped them or posted them days/weeks later.

He posted Jan. 7 on Instagram and then his next post, this time on Weverse, wasn't until Feb. 2, immediately following his emergency appendectomy. He was in the hospital between Jan. 30 and Feb. 5 so he posted a message from his hospital bed (sweet baby).

If he did not get his apartment back until April, then he did not know about his apartment situation while he was in the hospital.

But the NHI sent four notices. So backing up further chronologically, if they seized his apartment on January 25, that means the first overdue payment notice was possibly sent in September 2021?

Sept. 13: receiving diplomat passports.

Sept. 20: UN visit and speech in New York

Oct. 24: online PTD concert

Preparations were then focused on PTD LA. They departed Seoul for Los Angeles on November 16, 2021.

They were busy. They depended on their staff to take care of their personal business.

All that time, Jimin was not aware that there was a lapse in his insurance payments. When he was made aware of the situation, he paid it all immediately.

I have no source that states exactly when this payment was received by the NHI or when it was processed.

They left March 28, 2022 for Las Vegas and returned to Seoul on April 18. There are conflicting media stories about exactly when the apartment seizure was resolved. Some say April 22.

When he was still in Seoul and not traveling to the States, where was Jimin sleeping between January 25 and April 22? Where did he recuperate when he was released from the hospital? Where was he watching "The Notebook" for the nth time? Whose sofa was he laid up on? Hmmmmmm? Did he still have access to his apartment even though it was seized? What's the point of seizing it if he still had access to it? Did he even live there? Maybe that's why he didn't know anything about the seizure because he didn't even live there to begin with? But if he did live there and couldn't access his apartment to sleep there because it was seized, why didn't it get resolved sooner than April 22?

I have so many questions.

We also need to remember that it is said during their time in Las Vegas is when Jimin confided in the members about his challenges. And he's said that these feelings ended up being expressed in the songs on his Face album. Maybe he didn't learn about the apartment mess until he was in Las Vegas and that was the catalyst that made him spill his guts to the members. Still doesn't answer a lot of the above questions....

Media broke with the news about the apartment seizure on the day that "With You," an OST for the TV drama "Our Blues," was released, April 24. Despite all this, "With You" became the fastest song in history to reach #1 on iTunes in 100 total countries, breaking the record held by "Dynamite". It is well known that even negative publicity is publicity. Personally, I don't think it had much effect on the success of the song. But Jimin's character did take a hit. Also in my opinion, he has since recovered well from all that crap. Just me talking about this is probably reminding people that this even happened. Sorry. Just forget I said anything. Ha ha. What apartment? Ha.

Whether the timing of the media breaking the story was on purpose or coincidental... we don't know. Stating purposeful sabotage of Jimin's song is speculation. A news outlet will break a story if its titillating enough regardless of timing. Jimin losing his apartment due to unpaid bills is intriguing and high drama involving a member of BTS, of course they were going to push that story out ASAP.

If the apartment seizure was resolved 2 days before the story broke, we don't know how this information got to the media. THAT is the big question. Is there some sort of process that allows this information to be released somewhere accessible to the public (and therefore the media). If so, what is the timing of that? Or did a news media outlet learn about the incident on April 22 and hold on to the information until April 24? We don't know.

Saying the media sabotaged Jimin's OST "With You" is not the full truth. It is misinformation at this point.

With the information I know of, I do not believe there was a break-in at Jimin's apartment. I can't find a reliable source to confirm anything about a break-in, suspicions of a break-in or any mention of one. Nine One is very locked down and secure so a break-in is unlikely. You cannot waltz into the apartment complex and snoop around. Unlike Hannam The Hill, Nine One is surrounded by a high wall with security stations at the entrances. However, someone who had access to his apartment such as a personal assistant or housekeeping could very well have entered without his permission. But we don't know.

If someone was determined to intercept his mail, they may not have needed access to his apartment but only to his mailbox. Where ever that is. We are told all mail is collected by staff or it is sent directly to the company... it is possible it was a mistake but what kind of idiot was handling the mail and "misplaced" registered mail four times? I do not have a reliable source confirming anyone was formally accused of stealing the mail at BigHit. They most likely dealt with it internally. At the time of the incident, I blogged that people were fired and security protocols were reviewed. I stand by that declaration. Since then, Jimin has been unyielding in maintaining his privacy. Only very recently have we seen him relaxing enough to show us glimpses of his matching gaming chairs, ceiling and edges of his television. We even got a quick view of some decor above the tv.

I am still unclear about the doxxing but I myself disturbingly did see an image online of some documents that seemed to have Jimin's personal information on them. I think this information is included in the NHI documents that never made it to Jimin. If those images were really his information and still exist on the internet, I cannot find them. These documents would have his resident registration number on them. I am assuming it's a total pain in the ass to be issued a new one.

I do not have a reliable source confirming that a news media entity is responsible for stealing the mail and also revealing Jimin's personal information. Saying news media broke into the HYBE building during this incident is misinformation.

All of these things that can't be confirmed can only be called hearsay and speculation.

Everything I have stated here is my opinion from information I witnessed as it unfolded in real time, as well as information available if you search for it.

If you lean toward conspiracy theories regarding sabotaging of everything Jimin does you will come to certain conclusions. And if you just take things at face value without speculating beyond that then you will come to a different conclusion. We won't all agree as to what exactly went down. If I come across information that is new to me regarding what happened, I may modify my opinion depending on what the new information is.

What I've stated is all I have to go on. I have questions. But I won't say someone broke into his apartment. I won't say someone stole his mail but I am still skeptical because I have too many other collateral questions about the whole incident.

If anyone else has any confirmed information about the incident and you want to talk about it, my DMs are open, asks are open, or you can discuss in the comments of this post as long as everyone stays respectful. I would love to learn about anything else if you have links to sources with new information.

And apologies for the long ramble because my brain is constantly including details that might not be pertinent but who knows...

[jooniperbonsai]

Thanks For The Sub | ksj (Teaser)

Pairing: Camboy!Seokjin x Gamer!Reader (afab)

Rating: 18+

Teaser length: 2378

Chapter One length: 11-14k

Release date: Fri. January 19, 2024.

Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, camboy au, gamer au, comedy, crack, slow burn (?), coworkers/boss/friends to lovers, an exploration of adults in their late 20s/early 30s

Summary: After a clip of you sucking at video games goes viral, you've become somewhat famous, with thousands of subscribers now tuning in each week to see you play. Overnight, you've gone from a sexually frustrated grad student who reads smut in her room to a gamer girl (or rather, a not-gamer girl). This would have been the perfect job, except it was never the job you wanted. Desperate for money to pay for grad school, you bounce between your new gig and working at a local restaurant to pay the bills, where your hot coworker-now-boss Seokjin plays many of the lead roles in your sexual fantasies.

Seokjin, two years post losing his fiancé and job within the same day, is tired of the rut he's dug himself into and wants to start over. Now 30 years old, he's stuck managing his family's restaurant where he harbors an insanely inappropriate crush on you on top of carrying one hell of a secret: Seokjin is also known as Jin, a successful gay-for-pay camboy on the streaming site Worldwide Handsome.

When the stress of the upcoming semester and the pressure to stream becomes more than you can handle, you seek out some much-needed stress relief online, only to discover a man who looks a little too much like your boss is staring right back at you.

Warnings for Chapter One: Swearing, cheating (not between main characters), big age gap between lesser characters that can be uncomfy, sex work, gay sex work when the worker is actually not gay (but everyone is chill about it), feelings of shame and guilt, feelings of failure/depression, the existential crisis of your late-20s/30s that we all seem to go through, off-handed references to kpop culture including fanfics because I'm a clown and need to call us out sometimes, silly literary tropes, references to pregnancy, boss-employee power dynamics, allusions to queer BTS members or relationships, cameos of au Seventeen Members (Wonwoo and y/n are besties). NSFW sex stuff: big dick Seokjin (of course), f/m masturbation, dirty talk, sex toys, kink exploration, uh a lot cum (sorry), I mention the omegaverse as a joke, a sparkly pink dildo, seokjin has a massive collection of toys and he intends to use them, seokjin and reader are constantly horny, reader is kind of inexperienced, implied exhibitionism, implied voyeurism, implied public sex.

a/n: hello! i haven't written fanfic in years! I've been wanting to get back into it for a long time but I also work full time and am working on a poetry manuscript so this never manifested! This fic is inspired by a combination of fics from the lovely writing community on here, with a lot of inspiration coming from "tip 143 (for ∞ seconds of love)" by minilouvre on ao3. I feel like the camboy/person trope is so fun to explore and I wanted to try my own take on it with our Seokjin, who doesn't seem to get as many fics written about him but absolutely deserves it. I also wanted to create space for a fic that explores the weird transition of late 20s-30s that both BTS and I (and maybe many of you) have experienced in the last few years. I hope you enjoy!

xo - h

The alarm on your phone chimes, pulling you from the book in your lap. You’d been reading all afternoon, the sun now taking its final bow before plunging the world into darkness. Soon you’ll have to turn the lights on, then it will be time for work. On your only day off. 

You groan, stretching your neck as you allow yourself to come back to reality. 

To some, it would be hard to call your job “work”. Many people dream of being professional game streamers. Who wouldn’t want to be paid to sit online, play games, and talk to people? 

You don’t. That’s the problem. 

Your ascent into gaming stardom was a fluke. About 9 months ago, you were in between semesters for your grad program and looking for ways to unwind. Your oldest friend, Wonwoo, was a pretty successful streamer who often hosted game nights to play with his viewers and friends. 

You frequently watched his streams, letting his soft voice be the perfect background noise as you studied and formulated the next lesson plan or behavioral assessment. You’d known Wonwoo for what felt like forever at this point, being his first subscriber, first moderator, and first kiss (not in that order). But your middle school kiss outside of the convenience store never led to anything more than that, as desperately as you’d wanted it to. 

Once he moved across the country, you let your crush die with the distance. The years turned faster and your twenties were spinning by with the revolving door of lovers you’d watch him pine over, cry over, and in one case, almost marry. Streaming then became one of your main forms of connection, and your role as his moderator tied some part of you to him out of loyalty. To imagine him as anything other than a friend now feels ridiculous. 

But that loyalty you have is also to a fault. When Wonwoo’s usual streaming friends bailed one night during a tournament, you subbed in…for a game you didn’t even know how to play. 

And to make matters worse, this was a game that required talking to each other on-stream, which meant you not only sucked major ass at this game, but Wonwoo’s 700 viewers that day were also subjected to your constant frustrated squeaks, swears, and embarrassed maws as you tried to key-smash your way to victory but ended up throwing the entire team’s game with your incompetence. 

Wonwoo wasn’t mad, though many others were. He knew what he was getting into when he agreed, and his streams operated with very few rules: no hate, no spam, and we are in this to have fun. And he did have fun. By the time the first round was over, he and most of the chat were losing it over your commentary. 

As he wiped tears from eyes and took in a breath, he read his comments. “‘Damn, I never heard a chick threaten someone with a plunger like that before’. Yeah, I’ll give it to you, Y/N, you got really creative with your insults in that. Hey, PartyShitty thanks for the sub! ‘I can’t BREATHE’, yeah I’m still trying to get it together. W00000000000000000ziiiiii–damn that’s a lot of zeros in that username–thanks for the 5000 points! ‘Is she hot’ uh, I mean, I don’t— 

“Oh shit, LetsGetIt15, thank you for gifting twenty subs! ‘Please, Y/N, start your own channel. I’ll be the first subscriber.’ Actually, no, I’ll be. But really, that's not a bad idea.”

Wonwoo navigated the rest of his stream with ease that night, but after it was over, he called you to try to convince you to start your own channel. 

“It could help with school at least! Or you could get that special edition of that one book you like with the dragons or the blue alien porn stars or whatever it is.”

“They’re neither of those things, they’re actually–”

“Whatever they are! The book that has people fucking nonstop and some plot. You know, the special edition cover that you keep talking about in your close friend story that you won’t buy?” Wonwoo said. “The point is, if you start streaming you could finally buy it and then stop talking about it and I won’t need to see sections about how hot you think their alien or fairytale or demon whatever cocks are.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh at his exasperation. “That won’t stop with me getting that book, just so you know. And if it bothers you so much, I can take you out of the close friend story. I didn’t even know you looked at my stories that much.” You didn’t know he still used Instagram at all actually. He very rarely posted. He mostly lived on his Discord channel talking about games with his subscribers or other friends.

Regardless, it was nice to know that he was trying to be aware of your interests, even if it was incredibly embarrassing. Although the copious amount of smut you read wasn’t something you always wanted to broadcast to the public, you’d still made some friends from online book communities over the last few years and enjoyed keeping them in the loop of your reading list.

Also, Wonwoo had a point. Streaming could help paying some of your school expenses…or get you more books. You told him you’d think about it, and while you weren’t completely in love with the idea of streaming, it did provide you with some steady income until you landed your job at the restaurant.  

After that conversation, you haven’t discussed smut or cocks since, and you’re honestly relieved, not because Wonwoo is hard to talk to about things, but because you are. Which is why streaming always feels a little uncomfortable and your position ironic, because you can barely have conversations successfully unless you really know the person to ramble about your interests to, or you can occasionally eke by with small talk. 

But streaming requires the spotlight being on you in some way at all times. It’s your face that is fixed to the corner of the screen, monitoring your every reaction. It’s your voice that echoes into the mic and responds to your chat. Sure, you have mods and some streamers don’t interact with their chat at all, but you don’t want to be like that. You’ve been on the other side before, and know that most people are just lonely and looking for connection. . 

From the moment you decided to do this, you were aware that because you were now a “gamer girl” you would be subjected to the three extremes of the comment section: chronic oversharers who tell strangers all their personal baggage perhaps in the hope that you will assume some role of therapist to them, people coming to insult your gaming (which is the point so that can’t impact you) or physical appearance, or sexually explicit comments. 

Over the months, you’ve seen many things flitting by on the screen, deleted in haste by your trusty mod squad, but it doesn’t stop the fact that you still see them. 

Those things you can handle. They are impersonal and a direct copy-paste of the same thing.

But when people compliment you? That makes you want to bury yourself under your covers and never come out. Because the compliments are always personal and touching a part of you that is authentic.

The people in your chat want to know you. They want to know what kind of music you like, your favorite foods and books. They ask if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend or partner, compliment your hair or the shirt you’re wearing or your gaming setup. It feels intimate. Almost like you could find these people and touch them and let them know you. 

But they can’t. Because the only thing that drew them to you, the part where you’re this funny, positive gamer chick who sucks at video games but is down for whatever, isn’t real. 

Spring Day Streams Y/N is a persona. You don’t stream because you’re her. You stream because you have to be her in order to survive.  

And now she’s taking up more time. Last month’s streams landed you Streamer of the Month, which thanks to the exposure, brought dozens of new subscribers and thousands of points, and that helped take care of some of your expenses for the new semester. Some. You’re still behind on your credit card bill. 

Also, more people means more expectations for streaming. So you’ve kicked up your streaming schedule from twice weekly to three times a week, with you occasionally hopping onto Wonwoo’s channel even if you aren’t streaming to mod. 

When you aren’t glued to your computer, you’re usually at the restaurant, in a cramped kitchen where you do the prep work, often alongside him, your sexy coworker-but-now-boss, Seokjin. 

The man you are quietly obsessed with. You can’t think about Kim Seokjin without thinking about all the positions you want him to fuck you in. 

Which is also why you’ve been devouring books lately. When you’re home, you throw all your energy into the escapism they provide, especially ones where you can get yourself off to whatever fantasy Seokjin effortlessly slips into. 

For every hot mob boss, corrupt CEO, longterm best friend, dragon-rider, fairy, demon, alien, ghost, or hockey playing love interest you can find, Seokjin is sure to fill the role. A hot merman looking for someone to help him grow legs and something else? Seokjin. A Grinch who inherits his family’s Christmas tree farm and discovers how much he loves to ho ho ho? Seokjin. A god who tears apart the underworld to find his lost lover, and then during the reunion fucks her on the throne of Satan while she wears the crown? All Seokjin. 

Unfortunately, his transition from co worker to boss has made your fantasies all the more dirty. 

It’s been incredibly difficult for you to handle the fact that any flirtation you two previously shared in the months before he was your boss can no longer continue. But it’s also incredibly hot.

Fantasies of him eating you out on the counter have been replaced with the fantasy of him shoving you in the back office and fucking you on the desk while wearing one of those perfect-fitting dress shirts he often parades around in. 

And when he rolls up the sleeves to help in the kitchen? Fuck, it’s humiliating how wet you get.

The entire thing is pathetic really. He’s just standing there half the time, lecturing everyone on proper kitchen hygiene and ensuring one of the cooks doesn’t use expired seasonings for his eomma’s secret sauce. 

And you’re standing next to him clenching your thighs together because when you’re this close, you can just make out the freshness of his cologne and feel the heat of his body close to yours. 

When someone fucks up, he has a tendency to take over, chopping with unmatched precision and self assurance, trying to keep his voice even and usually failing as everything builds in intensity until he’s accidentally speaking at a million miles an hour and lecturing until his face turns red. 

If someone were to pass by the shop, they’d probably mistake his shouting for anger, but you’ve come to understand Seokjin is just passionate about things. Usually when he comes down from his tangent, he’s embarrassed and apologizes, and not long after the entire staff is laughing along with him as he cracks a joke at himself for his inability to tone it down.

Which to you makes him even hotter. Seokjin is able to see his faults and work with them, not against them. He holds himself accountable. He’s nothing like the haughty men you’ve gone on brief dinners with after downloading dating apps for the hundredth time while you’re drunk. He’s actually funny, knowing the right way to use humor and tell jokes, never at someone else’s expense, and definitely without being disgustingly crude. 

All those clowns you suffered through drinks with always made comments and digs at other women or referenced their cock like they were setting up some goofy scene from porn and you would find it hilarious and endearing. 

Seokjin isn’t like that at all. He probably refers to his dick as a penis and would blush to high heavens if he knew how horny you are for him. He’s unwound you, and he has no clue. Maybe if it hadn’t been literal years since you’ve last had sex you could tone it down. 

With working all the time and going to school, it’s already been hard to even go on singular dates here and there. And since the prospects were frankly awful, sex is just something that has had to go onto the back burner for a bit, but you seemed to scorch the fucking pan by forgetting to turn the heat off and now you are burning and hungry. 

With a final sigh, you put the book down, annoyed that you didn’t have time to finish it today or at least get to a good part where you could insert yourself into the role of the palace servant and Seokjin as the Prince. Based on the reviews, there’s sure to be a hot sex scene coming up involving using a sword in a particular way that has piqued your curiosity. 

In a moment of depravity earlier, you’d snaked one hand down the front of your panties to rub a few damp fingers around your clit to take the edge off. 

You check the time on your phone, already aware that you don’t have time to cum before streaming. You already hit the snooze button twice. The spicy stuff will have to wait. 

Defeated, you stand up, turning on the lights in your apartment as the sun finally fades away and the dark creeps in. You eat a bowl of cereal while doing your makeup, what little of it you want to put on. Finally, you fire up your PC, trying to ignore the irritation you’re already experiencing from being so high strung and unsatisfied.

The second this stream is over, you’re going to make sure you cum until you pass out. Until then, it’s time for work.

©2024 by jooniperbonsai

[spuddy-buddy]

Client Beware: kitsunaluna(Tumblr)/cactusbasedcola(Discord)

Reasons for beware:

refusal to communicate

refusal to pay

ordering commissions while knowingly unable to pay

Sometime last year, kitsunaluna commissioned me to create a full reference sheet of one of her characters. For reasons outside my control I was not able to finish which I explained, and she accepted this and was willing to wait until I could finally finish. I was finally able to finish in April of this year, some time after a personal falling out in January that is neither relevant to this situation nor severe enough to warrant any kind of call-out on its own.

I sent her a watermarked version of the piece she commissioned on April 5 of this year, with no response. I messaged her again multiple times between June 4 and June 10, again hearing nothing back. On June 22 I finally threatened action in the form of setting a deadline for October 2023 and stating that I would be posting this very Client Beware if I did not receive payment for my work by then.

At this point she finally responded, saying that I had supposedly cancelled the commission. I had done no such thing and told her such, to which she said I had done so over voice chat. I know that was certainly not the case, as I have not spoken to her since mid-January. It also wasn't in my best interest to cancel a piece when A. I was in great need of the money I should have received, and B. I was rather far along and had put a lot of work into it up until I was rendered unable to finish.

Alas, I must admit that I don't have written proof of any of this in writing, as all of our discussion regarding her commission had occurred over voice chat(but even if I had, that evidence would be impossible to retrieve, as you will see in one of the below screenshots). I know it's easy to get burned when someone's source is "dude, just trust me", but further evidence should support my claims of her tying to lie to me.

Back when we still talked, she would often remark on how she wanted to commission artists but had no money to do so, or how she was stressed because she owed artists money for work they'd done for her even though she was struggling with bills.

I am aware of other artists she has commissioned, and have contacted them to ask about their experiences with her.

One artist has done work that went unpaid, and even refunded work that was partially paid for.

One artist was paid for a few pieces, then stopped being paid after a while. She continued to ask them for more commissions despite still owing them money.

One artist has not been paid, but was smart enough to not start yet.

One artist has done work that had been paid for, so credit where credit is due I suppose.

As of time of writing(July 13, 2023) I have received no further communications from her.

Here is proof of her purposefully ignoring my attempts to get in contact and trying to get out of paying me:

(Note the date of the screenshot I sent kitunaluna: January 14, 2023)

Here is proof that I was rather far along with the piece prior to my technical difficulties(this is a rather old message with no accompanying text, but I can assure that I would not have cancelled a commission this far in):

Here are testimonies from other artists she has commissioned/attempted to commission(with names, profiles, and avatars redacted + color coded for clarity):

(Note the mention of an entire channel in her Discord server being nuked; even if there was proof, I wouldn't be able to access it.)

In conclusion, I believe it is in the best interests of both any potential commissioner's and kitsunaluna herself that any artist denies any future commissions from her. She is evasive when confronted, has unhealthy spending practices, and has no respect for artists' time and work.

You're most likely to run into her if you're into Monster Hunter, Cookie Run Kingdom, or Don't Starve IIRC.

[ralkana]

NaClYoHo Day 30!

LAST DAY OF THE MONTH!

Finished with a bang!

Paid the mortgage.

Took a box of unopened or mostly unused Bath & Body works stuff and Crabtree & Evelyn hand creams to work to see if anyone wanted them. Scents that I don't like that came as part of sets, or just stuff I overbought. My coworkers were very pleased.

Made the guest bed.

Vacuumed the guest bedroom, the guest bathroom (weirdly, it's carpeted), and the upstairs landing.

Brought down some bottles of water that were just hanging out in the guest bedroom so that I can use them up.

Stored away some unused luggage to get it out of the guest bedroom.

Put a new floor lamp in the guest bedroom because the lighting in there was abysmal.

Cleaned the rest of the junk off the dining room table.

Wiped down the dining room table with pledge wipes to at least get the dust off. It really needs a better oiling; I'm going to have to do some research on that.

Washed a small load of kitchen stuff that was sitting on the table and is ready to be donated.

Cleaned out a binder of video cds I don't want anymore so that my dad can take the binder with him when he leaves.

Put the last of the clutter on the barstools away, so they are now cleared off.

Hung my new behind-the-door hamper on the bathroom door to keep my clothes and pajamas off the doorknobs and counters. It's cute. It has kitty cats on it.

Continued going through the box of bills from '94 - '96. I swear, y'all, this box is never going to end. I worked on it for more than an hour last night and a couple of hours tonight, and it's still more than half full. Ugh...

This is a Montgomery Ward bill that says no payment is due as a measure of earthquake relief. Which was very cool of them. That's the January 1994 Northridge earthquake, btw...

NaClYoHo Task List Tally:

Starting: 50

Current: 107 (including completed)

Completed: 73

Partially completed: 7

And with that, NaClYoHo is done! But my adventures in decluttering definitely aren't. More on that tomorrow! And now it's time for mimis.

[thislovintime]

Peter Tork, 1964 (photo by Bob Campbell); and 1965.

“When Peter flunked out of college, he went to New York, where he sang and played in pass-the-hat coffee houses. After a tour as an accompanist for the Phoenix Singers, he came to Los Angeles (‘I’d had it up to here with the Village, so when someone offered to put me up out here, I came. I worked around Long Beach as a kitchen boy and accompanist for different groups. When I heard about the ad in Variety, I didn’t want to go, but I had let my hair grow in the Village, so I was ready for the part. Now I’m glad. When The Monkees made a personal appearance in New York, and the girls screamed, “It’s them!”, it was thrilling. And now my parents are proud of my success. The last time I went home, I lorded it over the other kids. My little sister doesn’t even think of me as her brother any more - she thinks of me as a TV star.’) Peter’s father, Prof. H. John Thorkelson, says, ‘Naturally, we were disturbed when he went to Greenwich Village. But we always felt he should do what he wanted to do. However, we always thought he was college material.’” - TV Guide, January 28, 1967

“Peter Tork's ticket to stardom was definitely marked ‘round trip.’ Eight years ago he would pass the hat around an old folk's club and hope that it would come back full. Most of the time it didn't, so to pay the rent his folks sent him a few bucks every month. A few years ago money was the last thing on his mind: he was making hundreds of thousands of dollars and singing to millions, screaming millions. Today he dreams of $60 days as a street singer in San Francisco’s Ghiradelli Square, but they never happen. So last month his mother paid his dental bill. He spends most of his time now as one of over thirty choir members, who think of him as ‘Mr. Show Biz’... but he’s not. A few years ago he was one of four... and people thought he was dumb... but he wasn't. He was another Greenwich Village folkee in the days when there were a lot of Greenwich Village folkees. He worked there for three years singing and accompanying groups like the Phoenix Singers and he might still be back there today if it weren’t for Steven Stills. The producers of this T.V. show liked Steven Stills fine, his music and everything. Everything except his screen test. He wasn’t, in their words, photogenic enough. So they asked him if he knew anybody who was like him that photographed a little better. Steven Stills told them about this kid in the Village he knew who looked a little like him. Peter Tork. Peter Tork went down and got the part that Steve Stills almost had. Peter Tork became a Monkee. Each Monkee was allowed to create his own image. Michael Nesmith’s was that of a wise old country boy. Davy's was cool, cute and English. Micky was crazy and wild. Peter was dumb. It was an image he carefully nurtured and developed on the Greenwich Village stage. He found it easy humor. And he used it. One step behind the others. Smiling through it all. Peter drifts away amidst memories of those good times: ‘I was happy to be playing as a Monkee so I would allow myself to pretend that I was happy pretending I was playing.’” - San Diego Reader, December 6, 1973

Times: “Is the Monkees character something you came up with it? Or did they tell you to play him dumb?” Peter Tork: “It's a character I came up with during the personality tests, those black and white bits we did. It was a character I created on the Greenwich Village folk stages basically to protect myself from the crushing silence of a bad joke.” - St. Petersburg Times, June 23, 2000

[redhillconfetti]

Blog post 03-02-2023 - Sickness

When you decide to run a small business, the freedom it gives you to run your own schedule is always a huge draw when compared to being an employee of someone else’s business, however whilst things look great all the perks of self employment and flexible schedules can mean for a while you are looking through rose tinted glasses, but with all planning for fun and good things, you also need to plan for the bad and boring.

When I first quit my corporate job to go self employed full time, I had to look at my outgoing expenses each month, with the first being my pension. I had to reduce my monthly payment, but over time I've increased this gradually. This is something I was able to plan for and incorporate into each year’s projections. I also decided to pull off 20% of each week's earnings and just store them in an instant access savings account. It barely makes any interest, but my initial idea for this was to be a pot of instant money should I have any large expenses.

What this actually meant is I had a backup for when I was too sick to work. 

If the last three years has taught us anything, it's that a bad virus or illness can appear out of nowhere and throw everything on its head with regards to running a business. You can’t predict when you will be ill, and it can always come at the most inconvenient time. Unfortunately that’s what happened to me this week.

We’re now at the first few days of February, but since the start of January I had been feeling run down and had a slight tickle of a cough. As January is always a quiet month I have been able to reduce my working hours in order to get some rest and hopefully let my body restore itself. However, after a very busy two days last weekend, this Monday that cough rapidly deteriorated. I had a dry cough that would empty my lungs at any given point, every single bone and joint in my body ached beyond belief, migraine, nausea, elevated temperature, photosensitivity to light and also noise. I had definitely developed something far more severe than just a simple tickly cough. After testing for Covid and that thankfully coming up negative, a call to the NHS 111 service determined it was likely to be the RSV virus, something that has been prevalent in our area for the last few weeks.

I had little choice but to take the week ‘off’. I’m thankful my husband was able to arrange to work from home and thus take our son to and from school, and for the better part of the week I've been able to do little more than sip water whilst wrapped in a blanket and binge watch Criminal Minds on Disney+. What hasn’t helped my recovery is the lack of medicated cold & flu medications that pharmacies locally haven’t been able to source, but that lack of supply is more down to Brexit. But this isn’t a Brexit blog post so we’ll touch on that in the future.

With having a week off, I had to decide whether or not to shut the shops or not. In the end I decided to keep them on, and just allow the natural flow of orders to come in. I completely ignored social media this week, the admin has piled up, no new listing or manufacturing. Instead I packed what orders did come in then left them for 24 hours after sanitising them. If 2020 taught us anything, it's how to protect others and stop the spread of any viruses. After 24 hours and full sanitisation, my husband took the parcels to their drop off points meaning i didn’t have to leave the house.

Through all this I was thankful that I had that small reserve in savings. I could take my time this week to just get better without having the added pressure and worry that I still had to bring in a full week’s wage. My pension payment was able to be covered and this week’s bills have been paid.

Here in the UK if you are employed by a company, most of the time they will offer a certain amount of sick days where you get paid full pay, or a high percentage of full pay (in the past it’s usually been 12 days at companies i’ve worked for). After that the company can draw from the government what’s called SSP - statutory sick pay - which is just under £100 per week, payable for up to 28 weeks. It is only applicable if you are employed by a company. You cannot claim this if you are self employed.

I’m sorry if this week’s blog post is a little disjointed, i’m still in a bit of a fog of flu meds and lack of sleep, but hopefully next weeks post will be something a little more upbeat and fluffy!

Simone

x

[jellybeanfeind]

Full update in the link or below the cut, but it looks like we're FINALLY moving forward with surgery! I haven't been drawing my usual stuff the last few weeks for Stress Reasons but I'm starting to feel like myself again. Now I just gotta worry about bills while I'm on reduced income during recovery. Thank you so so much for your kind words and support!!

Okay lol. it's been...a VERY long few weeks, but I think I'm finally in the clear. Apologies for having a minor mental health crisis live on the internet lol. At no point was I unsafe or anything, I was just having a really terrible time, and I tend to not type well when I'm having a meltdown. Shocker.

The stress of this has been...well, less than pleasant! My house looks like it exploded, like more so than usual. My sleep schedule is an absolute disaster. But, I finally heard back from the trans healthcare team at DHMC today. Technically we're still waiting on final word from financial aid, but we're 99% sure that they agree on the medical necessity of gender-affirming care, and on the offchance that they don't, the plastics team has agreed to help me with the bill on their own end of things. My surgery was scheduled for the ninth as of about twoooooish weeks ago? But I was scared to post another update given the constant back-and-forth I've had to deal with, less-than-helpful individuals...I didn't wanna say "YAY SURGERY IS GO!" and then immediately go "NOOO SURGERY NOT HAPPENING!!" back-to-back like six more times cause. well. that's what the last few weeks have been like. lol.

BUT IT'S HAPPENING, WE'RE MOVING FORWARD, even if the financial aid department can't figure their stuff out in time, surgery is still moving forward, and I have the surgeon and the trans healthcare head on my side. I have had an extremely stressful and unpleasant few weeks, but I am finally (and exhaustedly) optimistic now lol. I'm in good hands, and things are finally falling into place.

I'm leaving this open and will be reducing the goal a good chunk, because now I'm really only worried about recovery costs and reduced income during my time off. To make my medical leave stretch the full 3-4 weeks I'll be out, I think I checked some box to only get like 75% of my usual income paid out thru sick and vacation time. So my january bills are gonna be pretty tight. But that's WAY less scary than needing to pull six grand out of thin air for the surgery to happen in the first place!!

Thank you again so much for your support, your patience, and your kind words. I'm so grateful that it has worked out in the end, and any further support is, of course, extremely appreciated.

[scientia-rex]

So medical billing in the US is decided based on “medical decision-making” complexity or, in some cases, time spent (the preferred way to bill while working inpatient). There are charts of this shit I had to learn in residency. Single stable issue you had to think about? 99213. Two stable issues, no orders? 99213. Mosquito bite you glance at and reassure patient about? 99212. Two issues, at least one of which you placed an order related to? 99214. And these codes reflect significant differences in compensation. They were originally dreamed up to reduce Medicare fraud. Guess how well that’s gone. I can turn almost any visit into a 99214 if I really want to. I have no way of knowing what my patients are going to pay up front and/or be billed later, because different insurances have such different copays (paid at the time of the visit) and non-covered portions (patient gets a bill later, sometimes 6-9 months later) and I cannot tell even knowing what your insurance is what you will be billed because of this visit. Is it free for you? Is your copay the same whether I bill a 99213 or a 99214? My clinic pays me, and my clinic pays the billers. Medical groups of any kind need dedicated billers in the US because insurance companies will go to such extraordinary lengths to avoid paying. I ordered a brain MRI on a patient recently. Insurance denied it. Reason: “Your doctor did not give any qualifying reasons for this order, such as concern for a brain tumor.” My note literally said “concern for mass.” Don’t know what world they live in that “tumor” and “mass” aren’t both worrisome in the brain. That was this week; every single day is chock fucking full of dealing with insurance company shit. I don’t get paid more for a 99214 than a 99213. I like that, because it reduces the pressure on me to bill higher. It can’t eliminate it, because my employers very much want me to bill higher, even if I’m staring at a cash pay patient who doesn’t have insurance and will get charged 146 dollars if I bill a 99213 but 184 dollars if I bill a 99214. I billed a 99202 the other day—technically it’s fraud, but it was a new patient (02 is new, 12 is established, and so on) and they were cash pay and they were deciding which lab orders they could afford. Technically I committed fraud. Under-billing preferentially is considered fraud. I don’t give one hot shit about that.

People die because of this system every day. Today I saw someone with COPD, a lung disease that becomes devastating over time. We had found an inhaler that contained the evidence based best medications for him. He did well on it. When January came around, the cost of the inhaler skyrocketed for him to over 300 dollars. He can’t afford it, so now he’s looking at doing his best to avoid needing a hospitalization. In the US, depending on your hospital and geographic area, that’s a sticker price of about 5 grand a night. Except that sticker prices in US medicine are a bizarre lie. It’s all collusion: between insurers and drug companies and politicians. We’ll make it illegal for the single biggest insurer in the US, Medicare, to negotiate drug prices, even though in every other developed country the government would of COURSE be able to negotiate drug prices. Biden is in the process of fixing that, right now, but in the meantime year before last I had a patient die because her blood thinner cost 500 dollars and she couldn’t tolerate warfarin, which is more dangerous but cheaper.

And hospitals are required to have charity care programs and they will chase you into your grave over a bill before telling you that. My favorite story: I worked at a clinic; I got my health care at that clinic. I was contesting my insurance not paying one bill (1500 bucks for a Nexplanon, which should have been completely covered by my insurance but ultimately wasn’t for bullshit technicality reasons) but sent them a message that I wanted to know how to pay the portion of my bill I wasn’t contesting with my insurance. They ignored that message. Months later I got a message from them on the secure messaging patient portal that if I didn’t pay up they were going to send me to collections.

I worked twenty feet from the people who sent that message. My name is very distinctive. They could have walked over and said, “Hey, what gives?” But these bastards looked a rural family medicine doctor working full time, making the clinic thousands of dollars a day, and they said, nah, fuck her.

I make enough money. I make more than enough money. Charge less for medical school (I owed 318,000 dollars when I graduated) and pay doctors less. Most of us would be fine with that and those of us who wouldn’t have no business being here. No one should get rich off healing. It makes the incentives to peddle snake oil irresistible.

The medical system is full of martyrs and bastards. You pray you get a martyr for a doctor and then watch them burn out. I’ve watched my own doctor burn out over the last five years of knowing her; in rural areas, you’re often stuck with no doctors BUT your friends to go to, because you know who the bastards are and you don’t want to see THEM. And I’m worried for her.

The US medical system needs to be incrementally improved. There is too much happening in any given second to even CONTEMPLATE burning it down and starting from scratch. We had an AT&T outage yesterday and we had dozens of people who couldn’t get meds they needed as a direct result of that. Every single second in this country there are thousands of hospitalized patients being given meds or getting surgery and none of this can be paused. Trying to do it during COVID killed at least one patient I know of; his screening colonoscopy got bumped so many times his cancer had a chance to grow and metastasize.

The US spends the most per person out of any country on healthcare. We rank 37th for quality.

The money goes in and goes straight back out to the shareholders of insurers, drug companies, and device manufacturers. People with enough money to buy big stakes in enormous companies. Eat the fucking rich.

"Why does a 15-minute visit with a doctor cost 150 bucks in America???" you're gonna want to read Money-Driven Medicine, by Maggie Mahar, and probably also The Social Transformation of American Medicine, to answer that question. It is not because your doctor is a greedy bastard; your doctor does not see most of that money. It is because the system is broken to a level that is truly impressive in its dedication to making a shit ton of money for insurance company executives and shareholders.

[carlacachu]

Went to Coldplay’s concert (finally, but alone).

I remember the first time I had the desire to see the band perform live, I was still in college (I think). After seeing the Youtube video of the band performing “Every Teardrop is a Waterfall” in Glastonbury, I vowed to see the band in flesh at least once in this lifetime.

When they came to the Philippines for the first time, however, I was so flat out broke that I can’t even afford the Gen Ad tickets. It was sad, until they announced their tour in 2022.

When they announced their tour, I was still living with my husband. And I’m not sure if he gets it, but the way I love and would want to see Coldplay perform live is not even close to how I feel towards other bands out there. Yes, I listen to other artists, too, but it’s different with Coldplay. I cry to “Daddy”, I mourn with “Everglow”, I fall in love with “A Sky Full of Stars”. I resonate with each of their songs. Well, except for “Yellow”.

So for this tour in particular, I made sure I’ll be there. In October, I signed up to serve at the Elections and with the measly amount of money I was supposed to save for the concert, I paid my credit card bill.

The bonus I received in November slowly burned to dust as I try to complete my things in my new home after moving out (plot twist: it’s still incomplete, but we’ll get there someday).

When December rolled in, with all the incentives and salary cashing out, I finally got the tickets but paid in installments because I opted to get really nice seats. By seats, I meant 2 tickets. Because even if my relationship with my husband turned sour, I intended to take him with me.

I counted down the days to the concert soon as January started. Every day, whenever I feel sore and tired from work, I motivate myself with the concert my husband and I will get to see in just a few more sleeps.

Alas, the week of the concert came, and after days of being told thatvhe will see if he will accompany me, begging him to do this for me at least for the last time, he declined altogether. He won’t join.

It really dragged my spirit down, just after spending a week of fasting and praying at church. It’s like all the air on earth had been sucked out of me. It really broke my heart. After saying all the nasty things out of feeling hurt by his decision (not to mention, lousy excuse), I gave up.

I posted the ticket online for sale, but thought I’d rather not. That it’s really meant for him so why should I make it available for someone else? Coldplay is really special to me so why bring someone else? Why travel to the venue and sit beside someone I barely know and have no profound memories/sharings with?

So I went on my own. Drove, queued, sang, cried, screamed, and drove back home on my own. It was a memory I’ll never forget for a right reason: it’s Coldplay. A promise to self made happen. A really special band with really special music.

Post-concert: I was completely sidetracked by my heartbreak. I forgot about my goals, my plans for the year. And I am constantly nudged to go back to the habits I carefully formed. So I don’t know. Maybe i’ll be back. Maybe tonight? We’ll see.

[actuallysatan23]

It should be illegal for phone companies to prompt you to pay your bill several weeks before it's due, then only extend your service by exactly a month if you pay it early.

If my phone bill is due the 21st of December, and I choose to pay it on the 18th, my next bill shouldn't be due until the 21st of January, not the 18th. That's a full 7 days of service that I paid for that I'm just not getting because I'm trying to be financially responsible and pay my bills in advance so I don't forget and have to pay a late fee.

And my phone company prompts me to pay my new bill two weeks after the last bill. Literally paid my phone bill on the 21st of November, and on the 8th of December, I got a text from the phone company "your next bill is due on the 21st, would you like to pay it now?" And if I had chosen to go ahead and pay it that day, my service would've only been extended to January 8th.

Like, fuck off, bro, I just gave you your money.

[astramthetaprime]

Dark Times, Dark Thoughts

Okay, so.  Bit of an update first.

So this past week I followed up on the job interview thing, and they set me up for an interview on Saturday.  Writing this on Sunday morning, btw.  Anyway.  So I was feeling hopeful, it got me through this past week of training at the work-at-home job, the thought I could get out of this situation and get a job that paid better.  It literally got me through.  But I did the training, bearing in mind that the job interview may not end up in a job.  *Think ahead, kids.  Don’t assume something is a done deal until you have signed paperwork in hand.  I’m serious.*  

Went to the interview yesterday, felt pretty good about the whole thing, the two ladies who did the interview were nice.  I was honest -- I don’t know how to be any way other than honest.  I would prefer daytime work but could do evenings, could work any days of the week, wanted full time.  Thought things were going pretty well.  Then they took me in to speak to the store manager.  

I asked for $15 on my application.  *The job on offer pays $11.25 / hr, less than what I’m making right now.*  

So I said no.  

If I can’t live on what I’m making right now, damn straight I can’t live on less.  

So I came home.  And I’m truly back to square one.  I’ve got OJT for the work-at-home job this week.  For a job I don’t want because I can’t handle talking on the phone.  Because of my Autism.  

I want so badly to quit anyway.  I don’t think I can put in words here how much I dread this job coming up.  Yay Alexithymia.  I feel like my chest has been hollowed out.  But it could just be physical hunger, I haven’t eaten much since yesterday.  And it’s cold in here so I’m shaking.  So who knows.  

Autopay on my electric bill failed this past week since there wasn’t enough in my bank account.  I had thought this past Friday was payday and it wasn’t, so it’s this coming Friday and I had to do something dishonorable to find some money for groceries.  So I’ll be doing that today sometime.  

And for a truly dark and uncharacteristically racist thought, I’m fairly certain that the state of TN doesn’t approve food stamps for single white people with jobs precisely because we are single white people with jobs.  If one is the opposite of that it seems to be a foregone conclusion.  I guess we don’t need to eat?  I have been trying that lately, but not voluntarily.  

Feel free to unfollow me for this.  It’s not my normal mindset.  But as you will.  Pretty sure no one is reading this anyway.

So I spent several hours last night tossing and turning in bed trying to sleep (”I’ve got to sleep, I’ve got to sleep, *I’ve got to sleep*) and finally kicked my ass off the hamster wheel and tried to think.  What can I do, what positive steps can I take now?  I’m going to be under more stress, I’m going to need to take care of myself more, and I have no money to do so.  The anxiety is going to be worse, how can I deal with that without asking for anxiety meds from the doctor?  I’ve got Genji’s yearly shots coming up last of January, how am I going to pay for that?  And don’t give up on trying to get a better job.  

(Momentary pause for brief bout of nausea and crying.)

Statistics say that 85% of autistic adults are unemployed.  

If I fail to keep a job, I will lose everything I have.  The house I built.  I’d have to give Genji up.  I’d have to sell or throw away almost everything I own.  I would be at best living in my car.  A 15 year old Honda hatchback.  How long would that last, I wonder?  I would be homeless and begging on the street.  I am not catastrophizing.  This is what would happen.  

For once, just once in my life, I’d like to make an unforced choice.  I would like to not be penalized for prioritizing my own health and wellbeing.  I would like some kind of support and guidance.  But it ain’t going to happen and I’m out of answers.  

[mousedetective]

Please don’t scroll past! Queer disabled single mother needs help!

I am a queer woman who is the only parent to a nineteen year old bisexual son, and I’m disabled to boot. The last few months have been pretty wild and I’ve now got my son living with me permanently after he was kicked out of his adoptive home, and my mother (who is also disabled) lives with me as well in a two bedroom apartment in California. We make do, but I’ve had to get more money to get things taken care of, which has led to getting in over my head with high-interest installment loans.

I am currently $799 overdrawn on my main bank account, and I owe one loan that was not paid off that is $341. If I can pay some of them off, I can get back on track to paying the rest of my bills this month. I know one is at just over $1,000, two are at the $800 range, and two are around $500 if I pay them off in full ahead of my next scheduled payment. But first I need to deal with the $700 overdraft at least.

You can help in the following ways:

P*ypal - https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/penaltywaltz

C*ashapp - $afteriwake23

V*enmo - @penaltywaltz

Fundrazr - https://fundrazr.com/HelpTheBCFamily (this is also to raise money to get my mom two root canals she desperately needs)

Amazon Wishlist - https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/2IYLMSXNYF5HY?ref_=wl_share (we're in desperate need of cat food and cat litter at the moment, and I have some of both on the list if anyone wants to help that way, plus anything else is a huge help)

Please please help if you can, or reblog if you can't. I can't afford to lose this account as it's the one I get my disability on, and I need to pay these overdrafts and loans off to keep this from happening again in January.

TAGGING:@fragrant-stars @lourek @mutual-aid-booster @justsomeantifas

[some1s-sista]

Sunday Confessions

I have not posted since last weekend. We’re literally down to 3 FT employees and bosslady wanted to leave today for Key West (she won’t be back til January) so she’s been driving us all to the verge of quitting. I know I’m leaving as soon as possible and my coworker is leaving to go to school full time in July. So y’know, Karma baby.

I did get another raise. 2.55%. Combine that with what I got in august and that’s ~5% for the year. I’m still leaving though.

I paid my first insurance bill through the marketplace. Come Jan 1st I will have Health Insurance!!! I’m calling Dr. Redford this week to get my appointment set up for the first available opening, and get some concerns checked out! Sorry to be vague. I’ll offer up more when I know what’s happening.

I’ve been wrapping presents all morning but I am done! I don’t know how I pulled this off but all I have left to do is find some stocking stuffers for my man and the cats. I’ve never been done this early. Which means next weekend I can start the baking. I’ve had requests for Grammie’s Sweet Bread.

[howling-techie]

Asking for help

I’ve been dreading writing this post but I’m going through some tough money problems at the moment. I had been off work for 3 months, and even though I returned mid-January, most of that time off has been on greatly reduced sick pay, and so had to choose each month between food and utility bills or rent, and obviously chose the former.

Obviously with not being able to pay rent I’ve been sent an eviction notice unless I start making payments towards the past rent on top of the regular rent, and while I should be able to get back to making my regular rent now that I’m working again, paying back the £800 in missed rent is going to be difficult.

On the bright side the landlord said they will withdraw the eviction notice and let me stay if I make a payment of £200 towards the past due rent each month until it is cleared. This should be doable once I get full pay again, however as I’ve only worked half a month this month, it’s likely not going to be possible for that first instalment without some help.

And so I am asking for help in not just staying in this flat but also in keeping me fed until I get paid this month, if I knew any other way I wouldn't be making this post, but my options aren't great, and any help would be appreciated so so much.

GOALS

£50.00: Clear my unarranged overdraft. This would at least let me sell and ship a few things without the money just being sucked into a black hole.

+£25.00: Cover my food bills until I get paid

+£10.00: Get my prescription

+£200.00: First overdue rent payment covered

Total Goal: £285.00

Paypal Link: https://paypal.me/gamesharkgirl

Ko-fi Link: https://ko-fi.com/gamesharkgirl

Once I'm out the red I'll be able to start trying to sell a bunch of stuff through ebay which should help cover a good chunk of the costs.

There are a few other bills but I’m talks with a debt management agency and they sound quite promising when it comes to making reduced, manageable payments to those people.

And in the keep reading attached a the first page of the eviction notice that was kindly slid under my door last month.